Darling,

Where do I start this letter? It could be at a number of points, each one no more relevant than the other. Just let’s say that the reason that I began it here was because that was the thought that was uppermost in my mind when I sat down to write this.

Frustration, that’s a funny word isn’t it? It can have so many different meanings in a way. Frustrated with yourself or maybe life, could even be your partner but it’s your feeling at that particular time and no-one else’s. The months that have just passed have seen my emotions go through unfamiliar territory, hopefully now that is all at an end. Well, I hope so anyway. 

At the start of it all, I didn’t believe that it could have lasted so long. A month maybe and then everything would be back to normal. If I had known that that one month would have lasted six nearly seven, I think I would have given up then.

Human spirit is a strange thing isn’t it? We always look on the bright side of things, telling ourselves that things will be better soon. When it was pointed out to me that it could take a while for things to improve, I dismissed them. You’re wrong. I know better, well guess what, they were right.

There have been tantrums and tears, probably all the different ways that I have coped with your illness. Thinking back I don’t know how I did it. The thoughts that drifted through my mind when you were lying in bed yet again because of the tiredness you felt. Was I selfish? Probably. 

The times when things seemed to improve only to be knocked back the following day. The adage ‘one step forward, two steps back’ used to spring into my mind. 

The worse thought was just before Christmas, we didn’t even know if there were going to be any more. Was it the last one after we had shared so many together? I think it was the day before Christmas Eve, we got the results. You were going to be alright. It was going to take a while but at least it wasn’t time.

A few days later, they did the medical procedure, we were together. We walked to the hospital that morning. I still remember you being amazed that it was dark at that time in the morning. It was over by lunchtime and we both came home. The following days put you back again and it seemed that things were going nowhere.

But the tide has turned. Even though we both know the challenges lie ahead, we can deal with them together. Our dreams are intact.

Thank you.


xxxxxx



Wondering,

Will he be ok?

Asking,

Are you alright?

Sighing,

Seeing him sleep

Worrying,

What is wrong?

Knowing, 

I must stay strong.



