-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE-----

Allotment of Tuck -*- Copyright 2000 by Ellen Hayes.

Any resemblance between the writings in this work, and any actual
persons or places, living or dead, are purely coincidental, except when
used for satirical purposes.

This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and
possibly sex.  If you are legally not allowed to read materials
containing such things, then you will be breaking the law by reading
this.  I am not responsible.
Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it
in any format means that you explicitly affirm that you are legally
allowed to possess and read such materials in your city, county/parish,
state, and country.

All rights reserved.  See the bottom for distribution rights.


Allotment of Tuck


***
07:09 16 Jun

     I was really going to have to do laundry tonight; I was running out
of stuff to wear.
     I looked at Rachel, and decided to ask her about laundry rooms
later, like maybe when she was awake, which she wasn't now.
     The first thing I found was a sundress, which was sort of ironic,
since today looked like it would be anything but sunny.  Luckily, I
didn't have many bruises on my arms today.  They were everywhere else.
It did have a long skirt on it, at least.

***
07:36 16 Jun

     "Hi Miz Parker, sorry I'm late, I had a tough weekend," I said as I
came inside.
     "Oh, that's alright," she smiled.  "I was just starting to get
worried about you."
     "I'm okay," I said, which was sort of true.  I was in a lot of
pain, but almost all of it was physical today.

***
08:02 16 Jun

     "You look really nice today," Ricky commented as I started wrapping
franks in instant-biscuit stuff.
     "Thanks," I said.  "This is what happens when you don't do the
laundry often enough; you have to start wearing nice clothes."

***
09:45 16 Jun

     "But you promised!"
     "What?  When?"
     "Last Friday?" Ricky prompted, like I'd remember.
     I didn't remember; Friday seemed like a haze of pain and insanity
that I'd rather not think about too hard, in case I remembered all of it
all at once and went crazy again.
     "You DID!" he insisted.
     "Why would I do something that stupid?" I asked, committing another
stupidity.

***
09:48 16 Jun

     "I'm sorry, Ricky," I admitted, hopefully loudly enough to be heard
over him and Stella crying.  "I just don't know why I agreed to take you
shopping."
     I tried stroking his shoulder, and he didn't flinch.  Unfortunately
he didn't stop crying either.  I sat down on the edge of the bed and
tried to think at the same time as comforting Ricky and Stella.

***
09:55 16 Jun

     "I just don't understand why..."  I couldn't say it out loud,
because I wasn't sure what he was doing.
     "I dunno!" he protested.  "I just wondered what it was like.  You
know, like playing pretend?"
     "But-"
     "And you're a real girl, you could tell me what it's like," Ricky
said earnestly.
     I closed my mouth and held my chin so nothing stupid would fall
out.

***
10:02 16 Jun

     I'd finally agreed - again, I guess - to get something for him.
Unfortunately, he wanted to stay home while I did it.  "Uh uh," I told
him.  "There is no way I can leave you alone.  What if your mom called
or something happened?"
     "Nothing'll happen!"
     "I said that so many times in my life, and I was usually wrong," I
told him.  As he opened his mouth to say something, I changed the
subject.  "I thought you wanted to do this?"
     "I do!"
     "Then prove you want it bad enough, by coming with me."
     His mouth worked for a while but nothing came out.  I was hoping
he'd see reason.

***
10:41 16 Jun

     I hated myself, sometimes.  Other times, I hated everyone else.
This was one of the other times.  I was just as glad to leave Ricky in
the car and go into the Wal-Mart without him.  Of COURSE I had to take
Stella with me; it would have been too easy otherwise.  At least I'd
remembered to get his measurements and compare them to a catalog's list
of sizes.

***
10:58 16 Jun

     "Oooh, that one's pretty," I said, then started to look around to
make sure no one had heard me.
     *Who cares?* I realized, and picked the dress off the rack.  It was
a light blue, and reminded me vaguely of Alice in the Disney cartoon
version.  And a little thought showed that if I got it maybe a size
large, that it would fit anyway, because it mostly hung off the
shoulders, as opposed to being tight around the waist or someplace else.
Or it would be, when he was wearing it.
     It was missing something, though.  I had to think for a long time
before I realized it needed one of those big half-slips to go
underneath.  And naturally, they didn't have those anywhere within sight
range.
     I checked the inside tag, to make sure it was the right size, and
then caught sight of the PRICE tag.  "SHi-" I almost said in shock.

***
11:09 16 Jun

     "It's for my niece, she's flying in this weekend, and I want to
make sure she's dressed nice to go out.  She's such a tomboy..."  That
was something my aunt had said, I think, about Amy.  Susan had been
something of a priss, unless there wasn't an adult watching, when she
turned into a fearsome predator of unstoppable power.  I'd always gotten
upset watching nature documentaries, because I knew what the gazelles
felt like from personal experience.  Which reminded me, I should call
Ellen to see how she was doing.
     "Oh, aren't they all at that age?" the clerk agreed, grinning
conspiratorily.
     "Yeah, but it was different when _I_ was seven," I said, and she
laughed and nodded.
     I was pretty sure, though, that she had no idea just HOW
different...

***
11:31 16 Jun

     "Christ," I said to myself as I added up how much this had cost.
"I'll have to sell his liver to get the money back."  I wondered if Miz
Parker would go for that.  She had Stella already; one kid was enough
for most couples nowadays...  "Nah," I finally decided.  Or at least I
should ask her first.

***
11:35 16 Jun

     "Can we go to McDonald's for lunch?" Ricky suggested as I tried to
make sure we wouldn't die pulling out onto the road.
     Now I knew why Miz Parker had hired a sitter.  She was afraid that
if she had to be with Ricky all the time, she'd kill him.
     On the other hand, if we went, I wouldn't have to cook...

***
12:02 16 Jun

     "It's nice," I promised.  "You'll see when we get home.  Unless you
want me to pull it out here?"  He wouldn't-
     "No!" he gasped.
     "See?" I said, trying to sound omniscient.  "So we wait until we
get home."
     "Okay," he grumbled.  Then he noticed the McPlayland.  I could see
it happen inside his brain.  "Um, can I-"
     "Sure," I sighed, and ZIP he was gone.
     "Nrrrr, rrrr," Stella reminded me, and I went back to setting up a
bottle for her.  A milkshake would have been a lot easier, but I don't
think that was on Stella's diet yet.

***
13:19 16 Jun

     "I feel stupid standing around in my underwear," Ricky complained.
     'Everyone feels stupid standing around in their underwear' was
something I didn't say.  I also didn't say 'Don't you feel stupid about
wearing girl's clothes and makeup yet?'  What I DID say was, "Ricky, put
the dress on. I didn't feel like buying you a three-pack of girl's
panties just for this one time.  You already owe me for the dress and
shoes.  And socks.  And slip."
     "How much?" he asked, sounding like he was just beginning to
realize what a bad idea this was.

***
13:27 16 Jun

     The sick thing was, the non-haute-couture Wal-Mart clothing and
shoes, a tiny bit of makeup, and the matching ribbon tied in his hair,
had done a lot for him; he looked like any other girl who had been
yanked out of her jeans and baseball glove and stuffed into a dress for
some reason.  A lot like Amy, in fact, if it was the year she'd given
herself a buzz cut using the dog clippers.  I almost laughed, which
would have been the Wrong Thing to do.
     "So now what?" he asked, eyeing himself sideways in the mirror.
     I had an Idea, right then.  "Well, since girls are usually the ones
in charge of kids, then you can help me with Stella."
     "Why?"  That got his attention on me.
     "Because most little girls realize that at some point in their
lives, they are going to be stuck babysitting, and they might as well
get it over with quickly."
     "But you-"
     "I wasn't smart enough."  He snickered involuntarily at that.
"Come on, it's not like I'll make you do anything I don't do.  All you
have to do is help me, okay?"
     "Okay," he said doubtfully.
     "Have I lied to you yet?"  *That you could tell,* I added mentally,
and crossed my fingers where he couldn't see them.
     He sighed, but started out of his room without disputing me.

***
13:59 16 Jun

     One nice thing about those Mary Janes he was wearing; I could track
him by sound through the parts of the house that didn't have carpet.
"Stop looking at the comic books and come back in the kitchen," I
called.
     It was quiet for several seconds, then a slow tap-tap-tap-tap
announced his return.
     "How did you know I was looking at comic books?" he asked
suspiciously.
     "I'm developing super powers," I lied.
     "Nuh uh," he disputed.
     I just smiled at him.

***
14:07 16 Jun

     "That's it?" Ricky asked as he held Stella and the bottle in
roughly the proper relationship.  "But I've done this before."
     "It's also things like heating the formula, and pouring it, and so
on," I reminded him.  He had the easy part.  His face told me he was
remembering he had the easy part.  "Maybe you could try changing-"
     "No!" he said emphatically.

***
14:21 16 Jun

     "Maybe I could go swimming?" he asked, leaning towards the pool, as
if he might fall in.  Of course, he'd have to move sideways about fifty
feet, but it looked like the pull was strong enough.
     I picked up the remote and checked the radar channel, and there
wasn't any rain around us, so I nodded.  The shoes made a ratchet-like
sound as Ricky accelerated.  "BUT!"  I caught him within a tenth of a
second, before he could get all the way out of the room.
     "What?"
     "If you promise to get done swimming before four thirty, I've got
something else you might want to try."  They'd had them on sale, and I
had guessed this would come up before too long, Ricky and swimming and
this phase all happening at the same time.
     "What?" he said, coming closer.
     Instead of answering, I reached past Stella into the Wal-Mart bag
and pulled out a girl's swimsuit, one piece, white and pink tiger
striped.  I almost wanted to throw up, which told me it would probably
be close to what he'd want.
     "I saw a girl wearing that at school!" he said as he pointed at it.
     "This one's new, I swear."  After I said that, I telepathically
beamed at him, *YOU WILL NOT HAVE A FIT OVER WEARING THE SAME THING AS
SOME OTHER GIRL.  YOU WILL NOT.*
     He looked like he was fighting the telepathic command, so I beamed
it harder at him, and he finally failed a will roll and shut his mouth.
     "But you have to promise to get done swimming by four thirty," I
reminded him, "so we can get you cleaned up before your mom or dad get
home."
     "Okay," he agreed, and I tossed it to him.

***
15:36 16 Jun

     The only problem was, he wanted me to swim with him.  So I'd had to
change into my suit too, and then I remembered that he'd want a snack
eventually, so I had prepped one before we went outside.
     He smiled at me as he sucked and gnawed on an orange slice.
     I let myself feel clever.

***
16:33 16 Jun

     "Well, _I_ am going to shower and wash my face," I told him, "so
you can do the same thing."
     "Is this more girl stuff?" he said doubtfully.
     "No, this is get-all-the-makeup-off stuff.  Before your parents get
home?"
     "Oh," he said, sounding much more impressed.

***
17:05 16 Jun

     I made sure the bag was well inside my trunk and with nothing
incriminating showing before I shut it.

***
17:38 16 Jun

     "Did you have a fun day today?" Miz Parker asked Ricky.
     "Yeah!" he exclaimed.
     I waited to see if he was going to say any more - in which case I
was going to have to silence him, and quick - but he didn't.  He just
grinned at both of us.

***
18:07 16 Jun

     I wondered if I should try to wait for Rachel to show me where the
laundry room key was, or what.  But I was hungry, and I didn't know when
she'd be home.  I guess I could get something to eat, like fast food or
something, but then I'd have to pay for it, and despite my recent
prosperity-
     Come to think of it, I ought to put the cash into my savings
account before it all disappeared.

***
19:22 16 Jun

     "Dad?  How much do I owe you for renting all the computer
equipment?"
     "Debbie paid it in advance, Tuck," he told me.
     "Oh."

***
19:46 16 Jun

     I still hadn't done laundry, but I'd had an idea about that, which
is why I was calling Miz Parker so late.
     "Hello?" she finally said.
     "Miz Parker?  This is Valerie, I'm sorry to call so late..."
     "That's alright, Valerie.  Is something wrong?"
     "Well, I kind of had a favor to ask, and it's okay if you say no, I
can get it done another way, it's not a big deal-"
     "If it's not a big deal, then ask me already," she said, and I
could hear her smiling.
     "Um, well, I need to do some laundry, and it's kind of a pain
competing with Mom and everyone here in the evening, so I was wondering
if I could bring mine and do it tomorrow, along with all yours?"
     "You're asking me if you can do our laundry for us?"
     "Well, mine too," I reminded her.
     An anxious several seconds of silence finally ended when she said,
"Sure, that'd be fine, Valerie."  I relaxed immensely.  "And if you
could do anything of ours, it would help."  Her voice changed, and I
could see her grinning as she said, "And get Ricky to help you, and
don't let him tell you he doesn't know how.  He knows how to pick up
clothes, at least."
     "Oh, sure, no problem.  Do you want me to go into your room and get
all your clothes too?"
     "We, um... we'll have them, oh, on the bed in the morning when you
get here," she said eventually.
     "Great!  Thank you SO much," I said, relieved.
     She chuckled.  "No, Valerie, thank YOU."

***
20:37 16 Jun

     So it was sort of ironic that Mom made me and Amy sort and fold
laundry when she caught us having fun in my room.  Amy's reflexes hadn't
gone down that much, and she was a little too close to whipping me in
Quake for my comfort.  So it wasn't that bad.
     "Psst, Tuck," Amy whispered, and I leaned close to her.  "If you
want, I can wash all your Valerie stuff tomorrow?"
     "You'd do that?"
     She shrugged.  "Sure."  And grinned.  "If you take me out somewhere
Friday."
     "What?"
     "I just want to go out and do something fun," she said in a normal
voice.
     "Um... okay, sure."  Fun would be good.  And this would be the rest
of the 'difficult' laundry, taken care of.  Must be Laundry Day in
heaven or something.

***
21:47 16 Jun

     Amy was already in bed - MY bed - when I got back from the bathroom
and getting ready for bed.  She looked up as I opened the door, and
smiled at me.
     I sighed, and crawled over her to get on the dark side of the bed.

***
21:53 16 Jun

     "Tuck?  Are you awake?"
     "I'm trying not to be," I told Amy, but rolled over so I could look
at her.
     "I just wondered something," she started.
     Eventually, I prompted, "What?"
     "Did, did you ever try sleeping in a nightgown or something?"  She
tugged at hers in case I didn't know what the word meant.
     "Why are you asking me this?"
     "I just wondered," she shrugged.  "Like, what you thought.  If you
liked it.  Stuff like that."
     I beckoned her down, and she slid into the covers until we were
face to face on the pillows.  "I've worn 'em before, like when I was at
sleepovers with the Pack and stuff like-"
     "The Pack?"
     "All the girls like Jill and Kathy and Kim and Pam, and, um... did
you meet Sabrina?"
     "No- wait, I met her at the dance thing," she recalled.  "Dark
hair, kind of Jewish looking?"
     "That's because she's Jewish," I informed her, and she nodded in
agreement.  "So, when I went to sleepovers with them, that's what I
ended up wearing."
     "Huh."  She looked somewhere else for a minute.  "So, wh-  Did you
like it?"
     I shrugged.  "It really didn't make that much of a difference."
     "Oh."
     That was all she said for a while.  I finally asked, "Was that it?"
     She shrugged, and looked uncomfortable.  "I guess...  I like 'em,
though," she told me for no reason I could tell.
     "Okay...  So?"
     "I don't know," she grumbled, and rolled over.

***
21:55 16 Jun

     "Amy?"
     "Yeah?"
     "You look nice in that one," I said, "and it's okay if you want to
wear it."
     She rolled back over and hugged me.
     I wished, oh how I wished I had a clue as to what was going on.

***
06:01 17 Jun

     It was Tuesday, it was six in the morning, and my cousin was
holding me down on the bed while she instantly went back to sleep after
shutting off the alarm.
     I hoped this wasn't an omen.

***
06:12 17 Jun

     "Just leave me the stuff you want me to wash," Amy said as she
rubbed her eyes.
     "Okay.  Thanks a lot," I said as I hugged her.
     "Don't forget, you said you'd take me out Friday night," she
reminded me.
     "I won't.  Forget, I mean."
     "'Kay," she agreed, and kissed me on the cheek before she let me
go.

***
07:09 17 Jun

     *How did I get this much dirty clothing?* I wondered as I huffed
two bags of laundry from Rachel's townhouse out to my car.

***
07:33 17 Jun

     "I thought you didn't drink coffee," Miz Parker mentioned.
     "I didn't used to, but it's sort of growing on me," I told her.

***
08:49 17 Jun

     "Again?!"
     "What?" Ricky complained.
     "Nothing, nothing..."  *Don't make a big deal out of it,* I
repeated to myself.  "Let me go get the stuff out of the car."
Including, I realized, a whole bunch of my own laundry.

***
09:31 17 Jun

     "You're gonna do laundry all DAY?" he complained.  At least he
wasn't stomping his feet.  I seemed to remember Susan doing that when
she was dressed like Ricky was.
     I told him, "It has to be done, and I ran out of stuff to babysit
you in last week, remember?"
     "Why don't you do it at your house?"
     "Because, Ricky, I've got a sister, a brother, and a cousin living
there, plus my parents, and all of them have to wash their clothes too,
and it was just too much of a hassle."  Hassle wasn't the word, if I had
to explain to Mom the difference between, say, my bras and Amy's.  "So
your mom said I could do it here."
     "And you want to wash clothes?"
     I could understand his skepticism; however, it had been a long time
since clean clothes magically appeared in my dresser and closet.  "Not
especially, but I do like having clean clothes to wear, and...."  I
pointed at the laundry baskets.  "There's only one path between here and
there, and it lies through the wash cycle."
     "What?"
     "Never mind," I sighed.

***
11:49 17 Jun

     "If you can feed Stella, then I can start cooking lunch faster," I
pointed out.
     He sighed, and flounced down into one of the chairs.  "Okay."  I
carefully made the handoff of the baby, and then got the bottle for him.
     "What do you want today?"
     "Do I have to watch my weight?"
     "....What?!"
     He pointed at the dress he was wearing.  "Girls always talk about
their weight and having to watch it.  Do I have to?"
     "No," I said with complete confidence.
     "Then I want ice cream for lunch," he said, also with complete
confidence, and sat back in the chair, holding Stella and looking smug.

***
11:53 17 Jun

     I'd thought about arguing, but then realized that a) it was going
to be a long and painful road; b) I could spend the same effort getting
him to help me with the laundry instead; c) it was a little dream of
his, and I might as well let it happen.  But I made him promise he'd eat
the healthy snack I'd fix at three, without arguing.
     "Aren't you gonna have some?" he asked, pointing at the bowl he'd
already made a serious dent in.  So to speak.
     I shook my head.  "Unlike you, I DO need to watch my weight."
     "Have a LITTLE bowl," he suggested.

***
13:09 17 Jun

     He'd passed out on the couch, due to the overdose of tryptophan in
the ice cream.  Stella had apparently agreed with her older brother and
done the same thing, though she'd only had a tiny bit of ice cream along
with her milk.  So I was all alone, or close enough, in a quiet house.
     If I didn't have five baskets of laundry, I'd feel happy about it.

***
14:04 17 Jun

     "Can I go swimming now?"
     I sighed.  *Wretched spawn of evil...*  "Sure."

***
14:41 17 Jun

     Ricky came in, wearing the girl's swimsuit and a towel, and looking
sad.  "What's up?" I asked him, a little concerned.
     He looked at me and sighed.  "It was boring without you or someone
else there with me."
     "I'm sorry, Ricky," I said honestly.  "I promised I'd do as much of
the laundry as I could.  We can do something more fun tomorrow."
     "Promise?" he asked sadly.
     "Yeah, I promise," I nodded.  "Now go shower and change, and bring
the swimsuit back when you change out of it, so I can dry it out."
     "Why do I always have to do all this stuff?" he complained.
     "Because, I help you out, so you help me out.  Right?"
     He sighed, and stomped off towards the stairs.

***
14:46 17 Jun

     "I guess it's fair," Ricky said, startling me.
     "What?"  I turned around, and he was in a - clean - T shirt and
shorts.  With no makeup visible.
     "What you said, about helping each other out," he said.
     *He's just doing this to trick me,* I finally thought, when I could
think again.

***
15:13 17 Jun

     We were both having sandwiches for a 'snack', and Stella was busily
sucking down another bottle.  Well, mine was in front of me, and I'd eat
it when she was finished.
     "Why aren't you eating?" Ricky asked me.
     "Because I need to hold Stella, remember?"
     He thought about it, and finished his off.  "I could hold her now,
if you want, so you can eat," he offered.
     I tried to remember if alien abductions ever happened in daylight
in urban areas.  *Maybe he's having a stroke...*

***
17:39 17 Jun

     "And I helped Valerie fold all the clothes, and everything!" Ricky
crowed to Miz Parker.
     She gave me a funny look.

***
17:42 17 Jun

     "You're not slipping him drugs, are you?" Miz Parker asked as I
stuffed laundry bags - trash bags full of laundry, actually - into the
back seat of my car.
     When she said that, I stood up in shock, or tried to, except the
roof got in the way.  I danced around for a minute, conscious only of
pain and the certain knowledge that anything I said that was in any way
questionable would be repeated by small people who would remember who
taught them the bad word.
     When I could stand still, I glared at Miz Parker, who looked
guilty, and snapped, "No!"  It wasn't what I had wanted to say, but I
made up for it in feeling.
     "Valerie," she said, looking more guilty, "I didn't mean it
seriously, and I REALLY didn't mean for you to- to, to hit your head
like that.  Are you okay?"
     I felt around, and it didn't feel wet, so I guessed I was, so I
nodded.  "I guess so...  It wasn't all the clothes, but he helped a
lot," I told her.
     "He's just so," she started, and then sighed.  "He's responding a
lot more to you, than it seems like he does to either myself or David.
I guess I'm a little jealous."
     "Jealous?"  She nodded.  "Get out!"
     "No, really," she insisted.  "If I'd asked him to fold even his own
clothes, he would have argued until dark.  And you got him to fold MORE
than that?"
     I shrugged, feeling a little uncomfortable.  "But I don't have to
tell him when to go to bed, or what we're going to watch on TV which
isn't what he wants, or anything like that, either."
     "Even so," she said, and smiled at me.  "I love him to death, but I
wish I got along with him as well as you do."

***
18:47 17 Jun

     The Laundry Day from Hell had finally ended, I figured, when I got
home and found a plate in the refrigerator for me.
     "Where's Amy and Suze?" I asked Mom when she heard some noise and
came in to see what it was.
     "They went out shopping, I think," she said.  "How was your day?"
     "Laundry for miles," I sighed.  "How was yours?"
     "You did laundry?"
     "Oh, uh, yeah... well, she asked nice, and I didn't mind."  Mom
gave me a weird look.  "Mom, she's paying me a lot of money just to
babysit; I figure I should be extra-nice to her.  And if laundry's that
big a problem, then how come you made me do it the other night?"
     "Eugene," she warned.
     "Mommmmm, come on, be reasonable.  You always told me that it
wasn't that hard, just tedious.  And it's not, and I had all day to do
it too.  So no big deal, right?"
     "I just don't want her taking advantage of you."
     "She's not, Mom.  I offered.  So, how was your day?" I tried again.
     She got another glass of lemonade and sat down at the table as I
started to eat.  "Oh," she sighed.  "Some people..."

***
19:41 17 Jun

     "Eugene," Dad said, and took his glasses off and rubbed his
forehead.  "I really hate to ask you this, so don't even think about
lying."
     "What?" I asked, feeling sick.
     "Are you, is Amy..."  He looked sick too.
     "Wait," I blurted out as I caught it, "you're asking if me and Amy
are having sex?"
     He nodded silently.
     "NO!"
     "Thank the spirits," he uttered, and sagged back in his chair.
     "Why, what, why-"
     "Because she keeps ending up in your bed, and I just- I'm sorry,
Tucker, I had to ask.  What IS she doing, then?"
     "I don't know!"  I thought about it.  "She's just, I mean, she
reads, and then goes to sleep, like normal I guess.  I dunno why she
wants to sleep with ME so much."  I shrugged helplessly.
     "Is it bothering you?"
     "Not.... not really.  I mean, I kind of wondered myself, if she was
trying to, to..."  I'd managed to say it once, but I couldn't do it
twice.  "You know."  Dad nodded.  "But she's not...  I mean, we wake up
all curled around each other in the morning, but not like her hand in my
pants or anything."
     Pause.
     Dad started shaking his head.  "What is going on?"
     "You gotta ask her, Dad, because _I_ don't know."
     He sighed.  "I'd rather not, if I-"  He smiled.  "On the other
hand, I can always ask Sarah to talk to her."
     "Well, I mean, I don't mind it that much," I said.  Talking with
Mom in the kitchen about work was one thing; this would be something
else altogether.  Apparently Dad had transferred all his lecture genes
to her when they got married, or something.  It was to be avoided if at
all possible.
     He peered at me.  "Do you want her to sleep with you?"
     "No!  I already-"
     "I meant 'sleep with', Tucker, not... anything else," he got out.
     I thought about it for a while.  Dad, at least, had the grace to
let me think in silence.  Finally, I admitted, "Dad, I know it's...
weird, I guess, but... I kind of like it?  Is that a problem?"
     He shrugged.  "If you're not having a problem, and she wants it
enough to come in with you every night, then I guess not."
     "Is it weird?"
     He chuckled.  "Probably.  Are you surprised, that this family is
weird?"
     "That reminds me, when are we gonna change our last name to
'Addams'?" I quipped.
     He chuckled at that.  "I'm not sure I'd want to announce it to
the world like that...  Well, Tucker..."  He kicked back in his chair
and stared at the ceiling.  "I have to say, the times I travel without
Sarah, I really miss having her next to me.  I think you get used to
it...."
     He was quiet for a long time after that.
     "Dad?"
     "Er?"  He glanced at me.  "Oh.  Uhhhhh, no, it's not that strange.
Probably not something you'd want to tell everyone, but I can understand
it."
     "Okay.  Um, so, do I tell Amy to expect a 'little discussion' with
Mom, or not?"
     "I think we can avoid that at this point," he said, to my relief.

***
22:05 17 Jun

     Amy pulled the covers around herself until I yanked enough of them
back to cover me.  "I dunno?"
     "Come on, Amy, you're the ONLY one who knows what you're thinking,"
I pushed.  "'Cause that's what I had to talk with Dad about tonight."
     "Am I in trouble?" she asked.
     I shook my head.  "No, but neither of us could really figure out
why you wanted to sleep with me, all of a sudden."
     She sighed.  "I dunno, Tuck... I just feel really comfortable
around you, and, and, and it's nice."
     "Yeah," I admitted.
     "Does it bug you?"
     "Not if that's all it is," I said, hinting...

***
22:08 17 Jun

     "Oh GROSS!" she shrieked when she finally got it.
     That relieved me more than anything else she could have done.  Even
as she cursed me and beat me with a pillow, I felt tons better.

***
05:41 18 Jun

     I woke up alone, and was confused for a while, until I remembered.

***
06:22 18 Jun

     "How could you think that?" Amy hissed at me as I dumped milk and
sugar into a mug, preparatory to adding coffee.
     "What?"  I wasn't thinking at all yet.  "Think what?"
     "Last night!"
     "Oh.  Um.  I just couldn't figure out why you wanted to sleep in my
bed with me there... I didn't really think that was it," I said quickly
as her mouth opened to shriek something at me - her and Susan had the
same expression right before that happened.  "But I HAD to make sure."
I added maybe a hundred cc's of coffee to the mug, and sipped.  *Just
right.*
     "I just, I mean, I just, it's, your bed is bigger than Susan's!"
     "What?"
     She slumped against the counter.  "I just, I mean, I get lonely at
night sometimes, without Sparky," her dog, the besotted slave, "and
Susan's bed is too small to sleep two."  And mine was a 'full'.  "And
YOU're the one with the nightmares that wake up the whole house!" she
pointed out.
     "I haven't done that!"
     "You used to, remember?"
     "Well, yeah..."  Not one, or several, of my fondest childhood
memories.
     "So you don't have them when someone else sleeps with you,
remember?"
     "Oh."
     "'Oh'?" she shot back.
     "That's a good reason!" I said apologetically, nodding and putting
the mug down in case she was going to start beating on me again.

***
07:06 18 Jun

     I selected a long sundress again, because I didn't feel like
wearing jeans, and I still had plenty of bruises and stuff on my legs.
*Having Amy over for the summer is more painful than I thought it would
be,* I realized.

***
07:27 18 Jun

     "You look pretty today," Miz Parker commented.
     "Oh, thanks," I remembered to respond.
     She turned and smiled at me.  "I thought you did your laundry
yesterday, so you wouldn't have to wear your nice stuff?"
     "I did!" I protested.

***
08:52 18 Jun

     "You promised!" Ricky whined.
     "I did promise," I admitted, despite the feeling of doom that
descended on me.  It was only a moderate doom, anyway.  "But I have to
wash the dishes before all the food dries.  And dried egg is too hard to
get off."
     "Well, hurry!" he ordered.

***
09:05 18 Jun

     "You want to WHAT?"
     "You promised!" he shot back.
     "Are you out of your mind?"
     "But you PROMISED!"

***
09:44 18 Jun

     "Because the mall doesn't open until ten.  Everyone knows that," I
told him as I pulled into the parking lot of the Goodwill store.
     "I didn't know that!" he shot back, finding the logical hole in my
argument a lot faster than I had anticipated.
     "Well, now you do," I said, plugging the hole, deftly I thought.

***
09:48 18 Jun

     I had not been at all happy with his hair this time - there was
only so much I could do with a brush, a ribbon, and some hairspray.  So
spying a pair of matching hats was obviously my allotment of luck for
the week.
     "Ssst!  C'mere," I hissed as I headed for hats.
     "What?" he asked nervously.
     "Come HERE," I directed.

***
09:49 18 Jun

     "It's stupid!"
     "It is not!" I argued.
     "It is!"
     I grabbed his collar, bent down to his ear, and lied shamelessly,
"Who's the real girl here?  Stop arguing!"
     When I let go and stood back up, he was glaring at me.  But
silently.  I motioned, and his lower lip actually extended, I saw it
happen, as he grudgingly put the hat back on his head.
     He looked vaguely like Minnie Pearl, with the tag hanging off.  I
knew better than to say that, though.  "You do look nicer like that," I
said sweetly, and smiled at him.  He did not smile back.  I didn't care.
"So do you still want to look for a new dress?"
     "I guess," he said, sounding about as enthusiastic as Jill would.
     *Could Jill be-*  I smacked myself in the head enough times to
knock the erroneous thought out.
     Ricky no longer had a sullen expression on his face as he stared at
me in wonder.
     "Knocking evil thoughts out," I explained, as much as I was ever
going to, and his eyes got fractionally bigger.

***
10:04 18 Jun

     He came out of the dressing room, wearing the dress I'd found, and
he looked good.  Relatively speaking, anyway.  I nodded and smiled.
     "Are you sure?" he asked nervously.
     "Sure, come look," I said, and guided him towards the mirror.  It
was a mother-daughter pair of dresses, actually, and I'd gotten mine on
before he did his.  They were a pale pink, with some lace froth here and
there; mine had less than his did.  Luckily, black shoes for him and my
sandals worked okay as shoes.

***
10:22 18 Jun

     "And the hats, of course," I told the cashier, and pulled off both
tags before handing them to the cashier.  I'd rather not take Ricky's
off unless I had to.  "They are just TOO cute," I smiled at the cashier,
and she smiled back.
     "She looks very nice," the cashier agreed, and I had to fight the
urge to turn to Ricky and yell 'I told you so!'.

***
10:25 18 Jun

     Now, I had to fight the urge to scream about prices, because two
nice hats and two summer dresses for each of us had cost me about half
of the other stuff at Wal-Mart.

***
10:27 18 Jun

     "You're scary," he remarked as I made sure Stella was secure in the
baby seat and that the baby seat was secure in the back seat of my car.
     "Ricky," I said, "you haven't even seen me get scary yet."

***
10:42 18 Jun

     I was just as glad he'd chickened out of actually going to the mall
today.  Still, the hat was a lucky find.  It looked really nice-
     "Stella's crying," Ricky announced the instant Stella began to wind
up like an air raid siren, so I stopped looking at the hat and came out
of the bathroom.  It did look nice, though.

***
11:16 18 Jun

     "No, not even in the backyard," I said.
     "Why NOT?" he said back, exasperated at how unreasonable I was
being.
     "Because, Ricky, girls in nice dresses like that don't get to play
in the dirt, and when they do they get in trouble."
     "You wouldn't get me in trouble, would you?"
     "No, because I'm not going to let you wear that outside.  If you
want to play outside, go change."
     He went.  Grumbling, but he went.

***
11:01 18 Jun

     If you were looking for a description of 'incongruity', then me
squatting in the backyard, playing army men with Ricky - who had changed
clothes but not removed makeup nor changed his hair back to normal - in
the dirt, and letting him win, whilst I was wearing a hat and sundress,
had to be right up there as a classic.
     He dropped a clot of mud from a height, spattering me, and I
sighed as he cheered at the success of his airstrike.  *I just washed
this...*  I guess _I_ should have changed too.

***
11:49 18 Jun

     "What do girls eat?" Ricky asked as he sat at the table, holding
Stella as I got the next batch of formula ready.
     "What?" I asked, when I collected enough of my brain back to
respond.
     "What do girls eat?" he repeated.
     "The same things as boys," I said slowly and clearly.  "They are
human beings, same as you are."
     He scoffed, "Mom eats funny stuff for lunch sometimes, when she
says she's getting fat, but Dad doesn't even though Mom tells him to."
     I sighed.  "Okay, let me explain some things to you, about how the
world works..."

***
12:03 18 Jun

     "That's stupid!" Ricky asserted.
     "Yep," I agreed.
     "Why do girls do it, then?" he challenged me.
     "Because, if you tell someone something enough times, from enough
different sources, then they believe it."
     "Not me!" he said confidently.
     I almost, ALMOST, shot off several things about Santa Claus and
other childhood icons to show him how he'd been duped just like the rest
of us.  I don't know how I managed to stop myself.

***
12:33 18 Jun

     "Hrmghnghghmgn!" Ricky said.
     "Don't talk with your mouth full," I commented as I patted Stella
on the back repeatedly.
     He was right though; hamburgers had been a good idea.  I hoped
Stella would burp soon, so I could have mine.

***
13:44 18 Jun

     "Do I have to wear that?" he asked as I pulled out the girl's
swimsuit.
     "Not at all," I said cheerfully, and dropped it back in the bag.
     "No, wait," he said hastily.  I sighed.

***
13:50 18 Jun

     He'd decided on the boy's swimsuit, after far too much indecision.
He'd finally made up his mind, after I threatened to lock the back door
and not let him go swimming at all unless he decided instantly.

***
15:36 18 Jun

     It actually felt good to have Ricky twisting and pushing against my
shoulders.  Very, very good.  Apparently I'd been all tense lately.
Heh.  But he was pummelling it out of me, and it felt goooood.
     Of course, mentioning that this would take three dollars off what
he owed me was the part he wanted out of it.  I didn't care.  Bribery
was a skill I'd learned at an early age, both ways, and I didn't see any
reason Ricky shouldn't learn it too.  As long as it didn't start costing
me too much.

***
17:15 18 Jun

     A freshly washed Ricky came barreling down the stairs and cannoned
into me.  "You are the best babysitter in the whole world!" he breathed
as I tried to keep from falling through a window.

***
17:33 18 Jun

     "How did you get him to bathe?" Miz Parker asked, looking
suspicious.
     "I told him that was the only way I'd play army with him in the
backyard, if he bathed himself into cleanliness afterward."
     Her mouth made the 'ah' of understanding.  "That's why your dress
is spotted," she nodded.  "Why didn't you wash it?"
     "I... I didn't bring a change of clothes today, actually," I
admitted, feeling a little dumb at having forgotten.

***
18:26 18 Jun

     "Hi guys," I said as I came in.
     "I cooked tonight," Amy said back, grinning.
     Brian made the suicidal mistake of retching, which excited Susan's
semi-dormant psychotic instincts, and the two of them disappeared out of
the kitchen.
     "What did you fix?" I smiled back at Amy.

***
18:44 18 Jun

     It was a more-than-credible roast, with beets and a salad and
stuff.  And tremendously delicious.  Amy looked happy as I stuffed my
face with it.

***
19:11 18 Jun

     "Didja hear all the screaming last night?" I asked Dad when Amy
went out of the room.
     "She sounded upset," he agreed.
     "I mentioned... what we talked about.  She screamed about how
perverted I was-"
     "I heard that part-"
     "For even considering it, and beat me for a good ten minutes," I
finished.  Dad opened his mouth, then closed it.  "What?"
     "I was going to say 'Good', but I really don't want her beating
you..." he said, trailing off.
     "For that particular 'no', I would've let her do it with a baseball
bat, instead of just a pillow," I said.
     He opened and closed his mouth a couple more times, and then Amy
came back in with a glass of Kool-Aid, so Dad just nodded at me.

***
19:28 18 Jun

     "So, do you guys play cards any more?" Amy asked.  I wasn't the
only one to open my mouth to say something, but me and Mom were the only
ones who caught the slight smirk and figured out that she was baiting
us.

***
20:13 18 Jun

     Poker for six was really a good way to play; you could have some
really complex interactions going on.  Especially with two decks.
     "Seven card stud, deuces wild," Susan announced as she riffled the
cards.  'Rrrrrt thunk rrrrrrt thunk rrrrrrt thunk' went the cards.  I
wondered if she'd been supplementing her Child-B-Gone checks with card
playing tutoring; she looked too much in practice.
     There was a knock at the door, and Mom and Dad looked at me.  *My
turn...*  I sighed, tossed in an ante, and got up, which was an
automatic fold.  At least I wouldn't have to get it next time; we
rotated around the table, so Amy would be next.
     I checked the peephole, and it was Sabrina and someone else who
wasn't Debbie.  *What the...*  I cautiously opened the door.
     "Hi?" Sabrina said, like she wasn't sure.  The other person was
Amanda.
     "Hey, whatsup?" I asked, wondering if they'd gotten the wrong
house.
     "Um," Sabrina said, and swallowed.  "Um, I left some messages, on
your voicemail?  And you never called me back, so I just wondered..."
     "Oh.  Sorry, I, uh, I've been kind of busy-"
     "Who is it?" Dad called from the dining room.
     "'Scuse me," I said to the two girls, and turned my head and
called, "Sabrina and Amanda, two girls I know."  About then, I realized
I was being rude, and opened the door and asked, "You want to come in
for a minute or something?"
     "Um-"  "Uh-" they said at the same time, then looked at each other.
Sabrina turned back to me first.  "We, we just wanted to make sure you
were okay," she said hesitantly.
     "I'm fine," I assured them.
     Amanda spoke up, "You, you want to do something this weekend or
something?"
     I thought about it for a second, but it was the cries of anguish
back at the table that convinced me to hurry it up.  "Um, yeah, sure,
did you leave your number on the voicemail?"  I could get it from the
Caller ID trace, but that made people nervous when I mentioned it.
Sabrina nodded, so I said, "I'll call soon, okay?  Promise."
     "You want to go out Friday, or Saturday?" Amanda asked.
     "Um..."  Amy Friday, I remembered.  "How about Saturday night, if
you two aren't doing anything?"  I looked around; no ears.  "Who you
want to come?"
     Their eyebrows went up, all four of them.
     "Darnit!" Amy shrieked as Mom cackled and Brian groaned.
     "I'll call, we'll talk about it," I said.
     "What are you doing in there?" Sabrina asked.
     I grinned.  "Poker night with the family.  Wanna come in and play?"

***


Ellen: "I'm beginning to feel like Spider Jerusalem..."
Victim: "Who?"
Ellen: "BEGONE, ye peon of mass culture!  Away lest you infect me!"


Distribution:
No part of this work may be distributed as an original work by another
person or group.
Permission is given to redistribute this by electronic
means, as long as the entirety of the work (from the BEGIN PGP SIGNED
MESSAGE header to the END PGP SIGNATURE footer) is distributed, and
credit is given to the original author, me.
Archiving is permitted provided no fee is charged for access.

All rights reserved.


+ ==[--------   Ellen Hayes   @>--,--'---      ellen@barkingduck.net +
PGP DH/DSS keyfing: 33D4 156A AE39 53E2 0313  6714 2878 56A8 61B0 9CDC
+ http://www.barkingduck.net/ehayes -=[1990]=- vicki .sig virus 11.4 +


-----BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE-----
Version: 2.6.2

iQCVAwUBOdQYGHYDebnvyV1VAQGWhgP/f3AW5fzBZJIN4w1BHybS+ln2YYAXZBKw
v2UrqgxReBRJbd/74tKE2fk0mtIH1FPO6oYrun7j1o9Ae4QH60gZ7lUBGRhzXKrR
DuA/GRvx4Knr5i22LQBol5knmCi3QAXygx7rVUE2EKhiN1MilgYu6gHP/0uodJJ3
amvEEGIYZeU=
=97+q
-----END PGP SIGNATURE-----
