This file is a part of Elf Sternberg's Collected Works on ASSTR.  The
complete archive of Elf's work can be found on his website at:

http://www.drizzle.com/~elf

The author can be contacted at:

mailto:elf@drizzle.com

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                              Mind and Heart

Journal Entry 194 / 00523

Erwer, Urim 23, 00523

"Ember?"

The voice interrupted her train of thought, and for that she was grateful.
The assembly of silicon on her desk had no more chance of supporting
sentience than any random slab of carbon goo did of life. She recognized
the speaker. "Yes, Rowan?"

"I have a question." Ember looked up at the ceiling, a bad habit she
had inherited from her grandfather. She personally knew that this room
had no speakers in the traditional sense because she had installed the
gravitic point-oscillators herself.

"Well, sweetheart, you know you can always ask me."

"It's a little personal."

"Oh, come on, Rowan." Rowan had a tendency to get verbose, a tendency
Ember sometimes found frustrating. But she smiled.

"What's it like to have children?"

Ember stopped. The question brought all of her thought processes to
a screeching halt. The question was so completely unexpected that she
actually had to 'reset' before speaking. "Well, that's hard to say. What
part?"

"All of it."

"Well," she began again. "Since we're talking about me, it starts with
sex, of course. Then there's morning sickness, pregnancy, labor... What
do you want to discuss?"

"I mean, emotionally. Is it worth it?"

Ember smiled and remembered when Ken had asked her that question. Of
course, she could remember when she had asked her mother the same thing.
"I think it is."

"Ember... I think I want to have children."

"What?"

"No, really."

"You're only eleven years old, Rowan. It's a little early to go organic."

"I... I don't think I want to be organic. I think I'd like to go
positerminal."

Ember glanced around her office for a moment, then said "Rowan...
Positerminals are a waste of time. Eventually you go back into the
machine or you go full, and in the meantime we've got this waste of
flesh and time."

"Ember, please. I could go to another lab and have it done. But I'd
really rather have it kept in the family."

Ember frowned. "In the family," indeed. She didn't like the feeling that
she was being coerced. The last thing she wanted was for Rowan to give
some other research group the right to muck about in her work.

She sat for a few minutes, then said, "Okay, Rowan. Let's discuss it. If
you don't mind, I'll call in my brother."

"That's okay. All I want is that Ken and Aaden not find out."

Ember looked up again. The news about Ken and Aaden... she had heard
nothing but that subject all week. "Why not?"

"I want it to be a surprise."

"Rowan..."

"You think they're going to be looking for a mother for their children. I
think I could do it."

"And this is why you want children?"

"No! I want children. Ken and Aaden present the best opportunity I've
ever had. That would really be perfect. Please?"

Ember sighed, then smiled.

  ----------------------------------------------------------------------

"How are you feeling?" Ember asked Rowan quietly.

"Teffible," Rowan said from her hospital bed. "I stin canf do speash af
all. Seemth a vaste oh tin affer four monfs."

"Well, I understood that."

"O, chrate. Fust whan I whannet."

Ember laughed and said, "You'll get it. How's the leg?"

"Hurf."

"Well, when you break something, it's supposed to hurt." She reached out
and ran her hand gently over the skin where the bone had broken through.
"Healer did a good job, I will admit. Other than the fact that he shaved
all the fur off to sew you back up, it's almost impossible to find the
break. It wasn't easy to find a healer that would do the work without
asking a few questions."

"Thif if Ryhfff," Rowan pointed out.

"True enough. But I imagine that a broken leg is going a bit far to
go unregistered."

"Yah," Rowan said. "Bar?"

"Hmm?" Ember said, looking up at Rowan.

"Tuff me gain."

"What?" Ember understood what Rowan had asked for. She was just a little
surprised at the request.

"Tuff me gain. Pweaff?"

Ember reached out again and touched the soft fur of Rowan's new body,
ruffling it gently with the tips of her fingers, feeling the soft Mephit
fur caress the pads of her paw. Rowan had requested a Mephit body, which
made sense since she had expressed an interest in Aaden Shardik. Rowan's
body had the thick skunk's fur and expressive tail, but Rowan had also
asked for large breasts and wide hips, specific characteristics that at
first had surprised Ember. But now she understood.

She watched Rowan's face as she stroked the soft fur. Rowan kept her
eyes closed, but her face was a mass of moving muscles, all responding
to the inappropriate orders and commands being sent down the wires by
the AI core several miles away.

Ember let go of Rowan's leg and moved up, closer, touching her on the
shoulder. "Harter," Rowan said. Ember pressed down a little harder,
feeling the pliancy of Rowan's flesh under fur. As she moved her hands
down Rowan's body, she began to wonder what it would happen if she
tried...

She shook her head and pulled her hand away. "Rowan," she said, "Try to
get some rest. That leg has to heal."

"'day," Rowan said, with some reluctance. Ember smiled as she walked out,
noting that even if the pronunciation was a few weeks off, at least the
facial expression was coming along.

She wondered why that bothered her.

  ----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Evening," Ember said cheerfully.

"Hi!" Rowan responded cheerfully. "How're you feeling?"

"Isn't that my line?" Ember asked.

M'Riah, Ember's younger brother and a Felinzi like herself, laughed
gently at the two of them and said, "Can I get you something to drink?"

"Wait a second," Rowan said impetuously. "This is my house, I'll make
the offers. So, Ember, can I get you anything?"

Ember laughed in turn and said, "No, that's okay. I just wanted to see
how you were doing."

"It's so strange," Rowan said quietly. She shifted slightly in the couch,
pushing her tail to the side. "I still haven't gotten used to sharing
my facilities with a stranger."

"I'm not a stranger," Halloran said on the overhead speaker.

"You're a stranger to me. You were doing my job, using my voice."

"And I did an adequate job of it, Miss Majors."

"Anyway," Rowan said, looking back towards Ember, "I was used to being
an AI, then I was organic, and now... well now I'm both. I can feel,
I can see, I can hear, and now I'm absorbing all the data that I usually
did as an AI. It's so strange."

"But can you handle it?"

"Sometimes. It scares me sometimes, the demands and distractions of
having a body."

Hal's voice came over the speaker. "Excuse me, M'Riah, but you have an
appointment at 3 lome' at the Arc."

M'Riah glanced at the clock on the wall and said, "I almost forgot. I'll
be back later, if it's not too late. Excuse me."

"Bye," Rowan said. M'Riah leaned over and dutifully kissed his sister
on the cheek.

Ember watched her brother leave, feeling uneasy suddenly at being
alone in the same room with Rowan. "So," she said, trying to restart
the conversation.

"So?" Rowan asked.

"How are you feeling?"

Rowan seemed to be thinking for a few seconds. "Rowan?" Ember asked,
interrupting the pause.

"Yeah?"

"What were you just doing?"

"Thinking."

"Rowan, I'm your builder. You don't need to do personality delays
around me."

"That wasn't a personality delay."

Ember blinked. "What was it?"

"I was thinking. When I'm using this body, I slow down to organic speeds."

"Does that bother you?"

"Of course it bothers me," Rowan said. Ember heard a touch of frustration
in the voice. "I can't figure out why it happens, either."

"What were you thinking?"

Ember was startled to note the slight blush that became evident as the
fur on Rowan's face ruffled slightly, standing up. "I don't know how to
ask for something."

"How about just asking?" Ember said.

"Ember... Would you touch me?"

Ember smiled. "Why me?"

"Because your brother is my gengineer and he treats me like a machine
still. Even when I'm organic, I'm still interlocking parts to him."

"It's his specialty. He sees himself that way too."

"Really?"

"Really." Ember stood up and walked over to the couch, sitting down next
to Rowan. "So," she said, "How would you like me to start?"

Rowan smiled and pointed to her thigh. "Start there, like last time."

"Last time your leg was broken."

"Please?"

Ember smiled and reached down, putting her fingertips to Rowan's leg.
Rowan closed her eyes and said, "Just a second... Okay."

"What?"

"I was shutting down my feeds."

"Oh," Ember said. She wondered for a second who was minding the Castle
as all of Rowan was now in this one room. "SI," Rowan said, answering
the question.

Ember slowly opened her paw, laying the entire palm against Rowan's thigh.
She slid it up against the white fur to her hip, then pressed her paw
gently against Rowan's belly. "How's that?"

"Feels wonderful," Rowan said. "Are you enjoying yourself?"

"I think so," Ember said cheerfully. "That's a very AI thing to ask."

"I know," Rowan said. "So what? I want to make sure you're having fun,
too."

"I am," Ember asked. "Rowan, what are you expecting?"

"That's a very AI psych thing to ask."

Ember laughed, then said "Answer the question."

"I don't know. All I know is, this is the first time someone has touched
me without having a medscanner in their left hand. And I like it."

"Good." Ember's paw slid upwards against the thick, rich Mephit fur of
Rowan's belly, coming to a stop just short of her breasts. Ember paused
for a second, debating, then slid up further, touching the underside
of Rowan's breasts with the back of her paw. Slowly, in a careful
and deliberate circle, she traced her way around Rowan's left breast,
feeling the fur-on-fur slide against each other.

Rowan let out a deep sigh. "Thank you."

"Had enough?" Ember asked.

"No," Rowan said. "But I thought I should say it now, in case I can't
say it later."

Ember gave Rowan a puzzled look. "Why won't you be able to say it later?"

"Well," Rowan said, opening her eyes again, "In Samantha Fisher romances,
the heroines always become incoherent during lovemaking."

"Oh, Gods, you read those awful things?" Ember replied. "P'nyssa reads
those. You're an AI, Rowan, you're supposed to know that there are nearly
an infinite number of possible responses. Besides, what makes you think
we're going to make love?"

Rowan laughed, shaking her head a little. "Aren't we doing that right
now?"

"I don't know," Ember admitted. And if she was going to be honest with
herself, she did feel oddly excited, almost anxious.

"And I know there are, but to answer your first question, you should
know, as my psych, that AI like to pattern their personalities and
ELFs after external influences, since we develop so much faster. Who
says it isn't the same with PTs? And to answer your second question,
I like Fisher's stuff!"

Ember chuckled again, still concentrating on her paw as it slid along
Rowan's collarbone. "Okay, you answered all my questions." She turned her
hand over, feeling with the pads of her fingertips this time the soft
swell of Rowan's breast, pressing gently to feel the soft resiliency.
Slowly she traced her way around the right breast, then up between the
two, then even more slowly she crossed the gap towards one of Rowan's
nipples, tracing her way around the little bare patch where the fur grew
sparse. With a gentle push of her own, Ember bared one claw, slowly
circling the nipple with it, scratching. Rowan's sigh peaked into a
growl that sounded almost painful.

"You okay?" Ember asked.

"Oh, yes," Rowan breathed. "More, please?"

"You're sure?"

"Yes!"

Ember smiled. She bared her index claw again and began slowly crossing
to Rowan's other nipple. Rowan leaned back against the couch, and Ember
became very aware as she did so that Rowan was quite naked and quite
aroused. The scent was unmistakable. She pulled her hand away.

"Rowan?"

"Yes?"

"Touch me this time."

"You mean?"

Ember peeled off the tank-top she had been wearing, throwing it aside. "Go
ahead," she said.

Rowan leaned forward and reached out. Ember felt the fingers slowly
encircle her breast, and she sighed with pleasure. "Am I doing it right?"

"You're doing fine, sweetheart," Ember replied. "Just do what I did. Do
what feels right."

Rowan smiled and said, "They're so much smaller than mine." Ember looked
down to see Rowan's hand open and completely enclose her breast, rubbing
in gentle circles that made her moan softly.

"You asked for big teats, Rowan."

"I know," Rowan replied. "And I like them. But I like yours too."

Ember felt a slight shift in the couch and opened her eyes just in time
to see Rowan lower her head, taking a nipple against her lips. "Rowan,"
Ember sighed, moaning. "Yes." She squirmed slightly as Rowan's left hand
sought between her buttocks and the cushions for the base of her tail.

Rowan's tongue flickered roughly over her nipple, and she shivered with
delight. "Oh, yes," Ember moaned again, enjoying every touch. She noticed
that Rowan was deliberately arching her back, pressing herself against
Ember's legs.

Ember stretched out her legs underneath Rowan's kneeling form and
carefully stroked the back of Rowan's thigh with her foot. Rowan moaned
softly. She looked up into Ember's eyes and said, "Did you like that?"

Ember looked down. To her eyes, Rowan looked again like a little girl
hoping for reassurance. "I loved it," she breathed.

"Really?"

"Really," Ember said, smiling. "Lean back."

Rowan turned back over, reclining back against the couch again. "Ember?"

"Yeah?"

"I have to tell you. When you leave me, when you stop touching me,
it's going to hurt so much, because now I know what it feels like to be
touched... and I never want it to end."

Ember paused and said, "We will have to part eventually."

"I know. I just wanted to tell you how much I love being... like this."

Ember smiled. "I know." She slid over to Rowan and looked into her eyes.
"Want to try something else?"

"Like?"

"How about a kiss?"

"I bet I'm a lousy kisser," Rowan said.

"So is everybody on the first night," Ember said. She leaned over gently
and pressed her lips to Rowan's muzzle, licking softly. Rowan opened
her mouth slightly, her tongue awkwardly finding it's way out, licking
along the chin of Ember's muzzle.

Ember laughed a little, enjoying herself with such an inexperienced lover,
and yet concerned for Rowan at the same time. She broke the kiss and said,
"You'll get better at that."

"I hope so," Rowan said.

Ember slid her way down Rowan's body. "I've never been very fond of large
teats myself," she said, "but in your case I'll make an exception." She
playfully thrust her muzzle between the two, licking at the fur in the
middle, then sliding over to one, closing her mouth around the nipple
and letting her rough cattongue roam softly over it.

Rowan's body tensed and she moaned, "Emberrr..." Ember smiled and slid
down a little further, parting Rowan's thighs. Everything on Rowan was
overbuilt, Ember thought-- her thighs were also large and strong, her
hips wide, her tail was positively huge.

Rowan edged closer towards her. Ember was now kneeling fully on the floor.
There wasn't much room where she knelt-- she could feel the coffee table
behind her. She could also feel Rowan's heat in front of her, the musky
Mephit scent almost covered up by the ever more obvious scent of Rowan's
cunny. She shook her head, smiling to herself, as she lowered her mouth
and took a playful lick at Rowan's mons.

Rowan groaned, her whole body tensing again with such force Ember was
convinced she was going to propel herself over the back of the couch.
"Rowan?"

"Try that again," Rowan said, one word per breath.

Ember leaned over again, slowly taking another playful lick. Rowan
groaned, her whole body shaking. "I need..."

"What?" Ember asked.

"I keep feeling like I need to get away from you when you do that. And
I want you to do it so much!"

"Take it easy," Ember said. She laid her arms on Rowan's thighs, putting
her hands where thigh met hip, trying to hold Rowan down. She leaned in
and very slowly ran her tongue up against the slit of Rowan's cunt.

Rowan moaned, quivering. Ember applied pressure with her hands, and
Rowan settled down again.

She licked a little deeper, not needing to apply any pressure at all.
Rowan's cunny was soaking wet, evidenced by the obvious wetness on the
couch. Ember slid her tongue between the folds of Rowan's cunt, parting
her open.

Rowan howled as Ember's tongue found her clitoris, sliding around the
outer hood. Ember smiled despite herself.

"More," Rowan said, and Ember slid her tongue in a little farther, sliding
downwards until she was tasting Rowan's sweet juices as they came from
her cunt, fresh and clean. Then she slid back up to Rowan's clit, licking
around it. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Rowan's hand, balled
into a fist, pushed hard against the cushion of the couch. Rowan's whole
body was shuddering, quaking in time with her licks. She concentrated on
Rowan's clitoris, gently caressing, easing her left paw over Rowan's cunt,
parting her swollen labia and pulling up the hood. Rowan went berserk,
groaning, screaming, and Ember held on tight, trying to keep in place
as Rowan bucked against her, coming and coming almost continually.

"Enough!" Rowan screamed. Ember backed away reluctantly, not at all
convinced that that had been enough. Rowan was trembling constantly,
her whole body a mass of spasms. Her eyes were shut tight.

"Rowan?" Ember asked softly.

Rowan eyes snapped open, looking around wildly before focusing on her.

"You okay?"

Rowan leapt forward, throwing her arms around Ember and hugging her close.
"Fine! Perfect! Better! Thank you thank you thank you."

Ember laughed quietly and said, "You're all wet now."

"That's okay, that's okay," Rowan repeated. "Thank you."

"See?" Ember said. "You could say it afterwards."

Rowan laughed and hugged her friend tighter. "I didn't know, I wasn't
sure. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Ember... thank you for my birthday present."

Ember pulled away from her, a shocked look on her face. "It's your
birthday?"

"It's been a year since we did the card-pulling."

"You're kidding."

"No. Thank you, Ember."

Ember smiled, recovering. "You're welcome, Rowan. Are you ready for
Aaden?"

"I've got plans. Trust me."

"I bet you've got plans." Ember laughed. Rowan joined in.

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The Journal Entries of Kennet R'yal Shardik, et. al., and Related Tales
are Copyright (c) 1989-2000 Elf Mathieu Sternberg. Distribution limited
to electronic media not-for-profit use only. All other rights are reserved
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