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Tuck Hunting -*- Copyright 1998 by Ellen Hayes.

Any resemblance between the writings in this work, and any actual
persons or places, living or dead, are purely coincidental, except when
used for satirical purposes.

This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and
possibly sex.  If you are legally not allowed to read materials
containing such things, then you will be breaking the law by reading
this.  I am not responsible.
Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it
in any format means that you explicitly affirm that you are legally
allowed to possess and read such materials in your city, county/parish,
state, and country.

All rights reserved.  See the bottom for distribution rights.


Tuck Hunting


***
06:32 17 Mar

     "Oh, God, oh God, oh God," I panted as I tried to focus on the alarm
clock.  "Oh, God."  The nightmares were horrible.  "Oh, God."  And that
little shit brother of mine was off this week, too.

***
07:02 17 Mar

     It hit me as I was staring at my closet.  Today was Saint Patrick's
Day.  And Debbie or Jill would take any opportunity to make me regret
not wearing green if I didn't.

***
07:53 17 Mar

     I was stuffing books from my locker into my pack when Debbie showed
up behind me, and announced herself by sliding her hands around my
waist.  "Hey," I said when I recognized who it was.
     "Hey," she replied.  "Nice shirt."  It was a very green shirt.
"What's up?"
     "Same as you saw me last, I guess.  Except I showered.  Uh."  I
guess my sociability hadn't woken up yet.
     "Want your paycheck?" she asked.  I nodded, and she handed me an
envelope.  "Make sure it's correct," she warned.  I thumbed through it,
counting bills, and pulled out the little printout of a time sheet she'd
stuck in.  It all added up, and looked good, and so I told her it look
right to me.
     "Good."  I felt her head press against my shoulder as she held me
tighter.
     We stood like that for a while.
     Finally, she let go and stood all the way up again.  "Hey," she
mentioned into my ear, "Ellen's coming in."
     "Wanna go say hello?" I asked blindly, and a tug on my pants waist
was the only answer I got.  *I guess so.*  "Lemme finish," I complained,
and hurriedly stuffed everything else I needed into my pack.  She tugged
on me when I slammed my locker shut, and this time pulled me off balance
in the direction she wanted to go.  But she caught me before I could
fall down.
     She let go when I was headed in the direction she wanted, so I
didn't look like a dork when we got up to Ellen.  "Hey," we both said
when we were close enough.
     Ellen looked kind of freaked out, and started when she saw us.
"Uh, hi," she managed.
     Debbie walked over to her and slipped an arm around Ellen's waist,
and we started walking her to her locker.  Well, they walked; I limped.
     "Nice to see you again," I mentioned.  "How's your paper?"
     She bobbed her head.  "Okay, I guess."
     "You ready for school today?"
     "No," she told me.
     "Me neither," I mentioned.
     "You'll be fine," Debbie encouraged from the other side.  "We're
here, and we want to help."  I nodded when Ellen looked at me for
confirmation.
     "Wh-  Why are you doing this?" she asked.
     "Because not all men are pigs," I told her before Debbie could say
anything.
     "Because we like you," Debbie said from the other side.  "And
because you're not the first person who got hurt like that," she added
flatly.
     "And we don't put up with that," I stuck in.  Debbie gave me a grim
kind of smile from beside Ellen.

***
07:59 17 Mar

     "Oh, God," I groaned at Mike as we went into homeroom.
     "Buddha save us, give us enlightenment, make this all go away," he
chanted in response, and waved his fingers in complex patterns at Mr.
Dobson.  Mr. Dobson failed to disappear; so did we.  I was sort of
expecting it not to work.  It never did.

***
11:36 17 Mar

     "Green shirt?" Jill asked.  I nodded.  "Awwwww," she pouted.
     "Well, if you ask really nicely, I'll let you pinch my butt
anyway," I allowed.  She raised an eyebrow and thought about it.  "But I
get to pinch yours back," I added.
     "No you don't," Debbie told us.  "I'm the only one that gets to
pinch Vah-" she coughed as Jill laughed.
     "Forgot, didja?  I knew that was gonna happen eventually."  And
then Jill pinched my butt.
     "Ow," I complained.  Debbie glared at Jill, then reached over and
pinched me herself.  "Hey!"  Kim goosed me while I was glaring at
Debbie.  "Yowsa!  Stop ee!" I eeped when Kathy did something similar.
"Hey, stop it, come AAAh!"  The attacks were coming from all directions.
     Time to change tactics.  I spun around and planted my butt on the
table.  And saw Ellen, looking like she wasn't sure whether to come over
or take off.  "Hey, Ellen!"  I waved at her.  "Come on over.  We're
having a little dispute over pinching rights to my rear."
     Debbie turned around when I waved, and she and Kim walked over to
try and entice Ellen over.
     "Aww, come on," Jill lied to me soothingly, "you know you like it."

***
12:18 17 Mar

     "Oh, well, back to the grind," Kim sighed, and helped me off the
table.
     Jill reached in and nipped my rear end with her fingers.  "That's
it!" I roared and started to chase her, but I forgot about my bad ankle,
and collapsed.  "Ow," I mentioned as I fell down.
     "Are you okay?" Debbie asked as she extended a hand to help me up.
     "Auntie Em?" I replied, putting a confused look on my face.  Then I
flopped over.
     "You'll have to do better than that to get out of English," Kim
told me.  "Didn't finish your paper, didja?"
     "Did too!" I complained, sitting up and letting Debbie help me to
my feet.  Well, my foot.

***
16:14 17 Mar

     No Debbie.  I sighed, and tried the phone again.  She wasn't home.
     I missed her.

***
17:52 17 Mar

     The phone flashed just as I was about to go down to supper.  I
jumped for the wimp phone, as I was calling the normal phone by my bed
nowadays.  "Hello?"
     "Hey Tuck, whatsup?"  It was Debbie.
     "Oh, hey, listen, Jill's birthyday-"
     "Birthyday?"  She sounded amused.
     "Whatever.  Low blood sugar.  Anyway, her BIRTHday is this week,
and I wanted to get her something a little special.  Can you drive me?"
     "Whadija have in mind?"

***
20:17 17 Mar

     Debbie's mouth fell open.  Finally, she said, "I hope you're not
expecting her to wear that for you."
     "You never know.  I've seen her in her underwear before; ANYthing
is possible."  Debbie looked like she was going to have a shitfit all
over me about saying that, but she stopped.
     "At the slumber party?"
     I nodded.  "All of you, now that I think about it."  I grinned.
     "You pervert," she grinned back, and slapped me lightly on the
cheek.

***
05:26 18 Mar

     More nightmares.  I was either going to have to talk to Lisa again,
or start seriously rationing the Valiums I had left.

***
11:38 18 Mar

     "Well, players, everyone rested and ready for the war?" Mike asked.
     "What war?  Wait, what did I miss?" Jill complained frantically.

***
12:24 18 Mar

     "Hey, dork," Eric Lawley said as I was struggling into a T shirt
for PE.  I quickly yanked it down and visually checked my stuff.  Habit.
     He continued, "I heard something about you sniffing around girl's
dressing rooms at the mall."  There was general laughter, while I tried
to figure out which one he was talking about.  In about a tenth of a
second, though, I realized that he was best friends with Jim who was
dating Danny.  And Lisa had given me the opportunity for a little
disinformation...
     "Oh, well you know, when your girlfriends want your opinion on
something like lingerie, then they have to show it to you."
     "GirlFRIENDS?" Derek asked skeptically.
     I said casually, "Oh, yeah.  You know Debbie, of course, and then
there's Lisa.  If you don't believe me, ask Jim, or Danny Linhart, she
was there.  But I didn't get to see what she tried on."
     Now, I was pretty sure it was known that I was dating Debbie, and
it was also well known that Danny was no friend of mine, and neither was
Jim, because I was dating Debbie.  So, if I was claiming that they could
back up my story... either I was an insanely bold faced liar, or it was
true.  And like in poker, I didn't bluff very often.
     I let them sort it out as I finished getting dressed and went out,
whistling.

***
06:18 19 Mar

     "Shit."  I got up and went to take a shower and wash the cold sweat
off my body.

***
11:47 19 Mar

     "So anyw- oh, shit."
     "What?"  I turned my head to see what Mike was looking at.
     What Mike was looking at, was Dan about to get in a fight with some
jock.  And it looked like Ellen was behind him.  "Oh shit," I mentioned
without thinking.
     Without any discussion or anything, we were all up and moving
towards them.  I was in the rear because of my ankle, but I managed to
almost keep up.  I needed a fight.
     Dan must've shot off his mouth again, because the jock swung at
him.  Dan blocked the first one, but missed the second one and went
down.  The jock took a step towards him and lifted his leg like he was
gonna kick Dan.
     Unfortunately for him, Mike got within range just then, and he
dropped and hung on to the guy's leg.  The guy tried to kick, but with
Mike pinning the leg he thought was free, what he did instead was fall
down, cursing.
     "Dogpile!  Dogpile!" Mike shouted over the cursing, so the rest of
us just fell on the guy, pinning him to the ground.  He could have
gotten one or maybe two of us off, but with three of us on him before
the girls got there, he couldn't remove us.  Kim and Jill and Kathy
added themselves to the pile a few seconds later.
     "Well, hi," Mike said to Kim.  "What's a nice girl like you doing
on a jock like this?"  Kim giggled; the jock cursed; Dan got up with
Ellen's help and they immediately went to go look at Dan's bleeding lip.
     "What's going on here?" roared one of the coaches doing monitor
duty.  Mike explained over the jock's protests that Dan had been hit
without provocation, and we were just ensuring Dan's safety in the best
possible manner.  The rest of us nodded.

***
11:53 19 Mar

     Ellen was sort of crying as she tried to explain to the principal
how she was involved.  "He, he called me a slut, said I should have
died-"
     I wasn't the only one to try and go over the table after Robert
Walsh, the offending jock, when I heard that.  If it hadn't been for an
assistant principal, the baseball coach, and us getting in each other's
way, we probably would have had him.  I was perfectly willing to try
drawing and quartering, myself.

***
12:08 19 Mar

     The Pack and Da Rat Boyz (it made sense if you played Warhammer or
Gorkamorka, which we had last summer) made it back to the lunchroom for
victory drinks.  Ellen was right in the middle of all of us, insulated,
while Kathy and Pam talked to her.
     "Detention for three days," Mike mused to himself.  He almost
didn't sound upset.
     "It was worth it," I said.
     Dan contributed, "Fucker."
     Mike turned to us, and raised his finger like a lecture.  "But, the
punishment was entirely unjustified.  At least for us.  And Walsh got
off much too easy."  He just grinned at us.

***
12:16 19 Mar

     "Hey," asked Mike as we walked off to class.  "You available this
weekend for a mission?" he asked, very very quietly.
     "Anytime, anywhere," I replied, just as quietly.  He nodded, then
walked off.

***
12:18 19 Mar

     "I'm gonna kill him," Debbie seethed.
     "Deb, it's okay.  We'll take care of him."
     "We who," she said skeptically.
     "The same people who busted the alarm on Frank's car."
     She glanced at me uncertainly.
     "Trust me," I told her.  "We know how to deal with these things."

***
16:51 19 Mar

     We were out in the park, looking to everyone like it was just a few
guys hanging.  We weren't just hanging today.
     "Sounds good," said Mike.  "Now all we need is a hose..."
     "I know where to get one," Dan contributed.  He was still pissed.

***
18:04 19 Mar

     Beep!  "Hey Deb, it's me, just wanted you to know, we've got the
surprise party for Rob almost all planned out.  Give me a call, see if
you can find out his schedule this weekend for us, okay?  Talk to you
later!"  I hung up.  Time for supper.

***
18:17 19 Mar

     "I was wondering," I mentioned casually, "would it be okay if I
spent the night over at Mike's?"  If they said no, it would make things
quite a bit harder.
     Mom and Dad looked at each other.  Dad shrugged, and Mom turned to
face me.  "Sure, Eugene.  Will you be there all night?"
     Trick question.  "Yeah, unless we go out for food or something.  We
might come over here first.  I wanted to show 'em something on the
computer."
     "Don't lose your shirt," Dad kidded me.
     "Never, Dad."  I'd taken it upon myself to teach the guys poker one
night, and cleaned them out of fake money about three times before Dad
noticed what we were doing.  Then he got into the game, and my strategy
shifted to keeping my head above water.  I almost did, too.

***
15:02 19 Mar

     Deeeeeeeee-tention.  Boooooooooooring.

***
06:31 20 Mar

     I'd dreamed about getting caught by Rob and having the shit beaten
out of me, but that was nothing new.  It was sad that I was now having a
better class of nightmares.  And happy about it.
     On the other hand, I'd slept enough that my alarm clock woke me up.

***
07:56 20 Mar

     "Got it worked out, mostly, we just need to know if he's going on a
date this weekend," I told her.
     Debbie smiled.  "Friday night soon enough for you?"
     I smiled back.  I think we looked like a pair of wolves.
     "So what are you planning?"
     "Ask not, for then you can't be subpoena'd," I told her like she'd
told me a long time ago.

***
11:34 20 Mar

     "Hey, Jill?"
     "What?"
     "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" we all screamed at her.  Jill just screamed.

***
11:41 20 Mar

     Mike gave her a half dozen free experience points, a half dozen
pizza coupons, and he and George and Dan had all gotten her a punked
out teddy bear.  Kim gave her some nifty earrings.  Debbie gave her a
dog collar with spikes, which I think was a joke gift, and a couple of
CD's.  The other girls had gotten other CD's or tapes, and books, and a
couple of gift certificates.
     "So, what did YOU get, Tucker?" Mike asked in this nasty tone.
     "Ahaa, just a minute...."  Debbie winked at me as I dug in my pack
and pulled out the box.  She took it skeptically, but opened it.  Then
she gave me and Debbie another look, this one uncertain, before she dug
through the tissue paper.  When she finally got to the goodies, her
mouth fell open.
     "Did you give her your dead bug collection?" Mike asked nastily,
when Jill just stood there staring.
     George commented, "Nose goblins.  Bet on it."
     "Shut up.  Come on, Jill, pull it out, show everyone!" I urged.
     She gave me this look, like she couldn't believe it.  I was
beginning to wonder if I'd done a Bad Thing, when she finally reached
into the box, and pulled forth a dress identical to the one I'd gotten
Debbie last week, except red.
     All the girls except Debbie gaped.  George whistled.
     "Boy, you know, I'd love to see you in that dress," Mike mentioned.

***
11:50 20 Mar

     Kim finally appeared, dragging Jill behind her.  "And now," she
announced, "we present, the most fabulous-"  Jill must've pulled loose,
because Kim recoiled forwards, then turned around and went chasing after
her.
     Her and Debbie finally dragged Jill in front of us.  She looked a
lot better in that dress than I had.  A little makeup, some jewelry, and
she would be drop dead gorgeous.  Me and Dan started hooting and banging
on the table, and that got everyone started.  Jill's face almost matched
the dress.
     Finally, when everything died down, the compliments started.  I
threw in a few myself.  Jill just stood there like she would rather be
eaten by sharks or something.
     Finally, Mike couldn't hold it in any more.  "But, y'know, those
are just the WRONG shoes."
     George fell down, he was laughing so hard.  Mike kicked him a
couple of times.  I kicked Mike a couple of times, while I was at it.

***
12:16 20 Mar

     "I do not!"
     "Oh boy, are you wrong," Mike told Jill before I could.  "You do,
oh my goodness," he ran his fingers through his hair, "yes mama you are
one hot babelicious creation in that dress, you betcha."  We all nodded
in chorus.
     "But-"
     I debated pinching her on her butt, but I thought it would probably
end badly for me.

***
15:00 20 Mar

     Deeeee-tention.  Day 2.  Booooooooooring.

***
22:09 20 Mar

     I pulled my night action gear out of the other hiding place, and
went over it carefully.  I'd do it again tomorrow night, but it might be
reassuring, before I went to sleep, to know that everything was okay
with it.

***
06:04 21 Mar

     I got up in disgust to go wash off my sweaty, shaking body.

***
07:48 21 Mar

     "So, you got all your gear ready?" Mike asked as we waited for the
light to change.
     "Think so.  I checked everything last night."
     "You sleeping okay?"
     "Huh?"
     He glanced over at me the instant the light changed.  "You just
look really wiped out."
     I sighed, and rubbed my face.  "Nightmares.  It's been a stressful
week."  I laughed a little.  "Nice to be back in school, where it's
safe..."

***
11:35 21 Mar

     "What're you doing tonight?" I asked Debbie.
     She gave me a strange little look.  "Having a sleepover."
     "Awww, hell."  I kicked the nearest locker.
     "You wouldn't really want to come anyway," she told me.
     "Why not?"
     "Ellen's coming.  I think she's a little bit unstable at the
moment, and I don't think any of us want her to freak out over anything,
y'know, strange."  She gave me a significant look.  Meaning, my
appearance at a sleepover of all girls besides me, might be strange and
therefore freak Ellen out.
     "Oh."  I felt strangely disappointed.
     "On the other hand, there's the possibility that I might be free
Saturday night..."  She gave me a smile which told me what SHE had in
mind, at least for part of the night.  "Mom might be working too, she's
not sure."  She waggled her eyebrows at me, and I grinned back.
     I thought about asking if Lisa was going to come over also, but I
felt a little shy about it.  It seemed the kind of thing that someone
else should bring up first.

***
12:18 21 Mar

     "You look like shit," George mentioned to me.
     "Oh, thanks a lot!"
     "You sick or something?" he continued.
     I sighed.  "No, just... stress, I guess."
     He made a face.  "Debbie?"
     "Babysitting, going out, money, birthdays," I ticked them off on my
fingers.
     "Dating," he added.
     "Dating?"
     "Yeah."  He just looked at me like he knew what had been going on.
After far too long, he changed the subject, asking, "You gonna be okay
tonight?"
     "Yeah, as long as I don't sleep too long."  I laughed.  "But I
guess we're not gonna be sleeping anyway."
     "Prob'ly not," he agreed.  "We reconned the area last night, looks
good.  We just gotta figure out what he's doing tonight so we don't sit
out there too long."
     "How?"
     "Tap?"
     "Ahhhh..."  I hated putting taps in, especially on short notice.
"Let's see what we can do before we try that.  Besides, he might already
have made plans, and not use the phone."  George shrugged.  "Let me ask
Deb if she can find out."

***
14:53 21 Mar

     "I figured you'd ask," Debbie smiled at me.  It wasn't a nice
smile.  "He's going out to a movie, it'll be over by ten.  She's got to
be back by one."  Which meant they'd end up at her house, like we
figured.
     Mike laughed.  It wasn't a nice laugh.  "Isn't he gonna be
surprised at his party?"
     Debbie made a face at him.  "So what are you gonna do?"
     "Tell you Saturday," I told her.
     "No pictures?"
     "Nope.  Too hard to do at the moment," Mike mentioned.  "Besides,
you'd really want videotape for this one."

***
15:24 21 Mar

     Deeeeeee-tention.  Day 3.  Booooooooooring.
     Rob Walsh was giving us these superior looks.  I couldn't help
thinking of what was going to happen to him tonight.

***
16:13 21 Mar

     Time for gear check number two.  I pulled out the checklist I'd
need for tonight, and went to go get the gear bag.

***
22:18 21 Mar

     The phone flashed, and I flicked it off-hook.  "'Lo?"
     "Hey Val," Kim said cheerfully, "just wanted to tell you, Rob and
Tracy are leaving the theater.  Mike says hi, too."
     "Tell him hi for me, and we'll be ready about twelve fifteen."
     "Will do!" she said cheerfully, and hung up.
     I turned to the other guys.  "He's left the theater."

***
23:21 21 Mar

     Freshly showered, to help kill any scent I might leave, I started
to get dressed.

***
00:18 22 Mar

     We all piled into the minivan.  Mike was in the front seat.
     "What happened to Kim?" I asked as I opened my gear bag and
started checking it again.  Something might have disappeared; it had
happened before.
     "Dumped the moll," Mike replied in this gangster voice.
     "Plates on?" Dan asked.  He was always worried about someone
tracing the license plates.
     "Got 'em," Mike said.

***
00:29 22 Mar

     "Comm check, Hugo."
     "Jester."
     "Goblin."
     "Homeboy."
     "Foxtrot."
     "Any problems?"  Nobody said anything.  "Set and wait."  I adjusted
myself into a comfortable position and got ready to wait.

***
00:54 22 Mar

     I was cold as hell, and tired, and generally mildly miserable.  It
was about what I had expected.  At least there weren't any dogs around.
Dogs really interfered with things, but I didn't like macing them.
     The earplug spat, then said, "Foxtrot here, target sighted.  Coming
in."
     "Saddle up," ordered Mike.  We moved around a little, just enough
to loosen cold muscles.  Dan ran the end of the hose out of the bag and
handed it to me.  I began paying it out carefully.
     We watched as a solitary car passed us.  It was Rob's, or at least
it was the same kind of car with the correct plates.  Mike finally said,
"Team one go!"  Mike and Dan took off towards Tracy's house, Mike
carrying the bag.  I went the other direction, carrying the end of the
hose and the special wrench.
     It was a bitch with my bad ankle, but I made it in time, I thought.
I dropped my end of the hose and stood on it, then unscrewed the cap
with my hands.  *Thank God we worked on this earlier,* I thought.  It
had taken two of us to unscrew it the first time.  When the cap came
off, I dropped to the ground, grabbed the end of the hose, and screwed
it on.
     I scrambled back up, put the wrench on the valve stem, and called
out, "Jester ready!"
     A long few seconds later, Mike called out, "Jester go!"  I pulled
as hard as I could on the wrench, and was rewarded when it began to turn
almost instantly.  I turned it about three turns, the hose bulging
quickly, then began a run for the minivan.  "Jester out!"
     "Hugo and Homeboy out!" came in a few seconds later.  "We got 'im!"
     "Goblin ready!" was the next call.
     Running in a gas mask was generally a bad idea, since it was hard
to breathe through, but I made it back to the escape vehicle before I
had to pull it off.  "Pickup Foxtrot, pickup Foxtrot," George was
chanting into his mike as I scrambled into the minivan.  Mike was almost
right behind me.
     "Goblin, phase two, on the way!" Book yelled as he started the
engine.
     "Perfect," Mike breathed as he pulled his mask off.  "It went
perfect."
     "Yesss," I hissed, and high fived him.
     Dan scrambled into the van and we took off.

***
01:34 22 Mar

     "Hey, Debbie, we really surprised him with the party!  Talk to you
tomorrow."  I hung up the phone.
     "You trust her that much?" Dan asked me suspiciously.
     "Of course!  We have Mutual Assured Destruction holding our
relationship together!"  Not far from the truth, either.
     "Damn, perfect," Mike mused.  He was still a little stunned.
     "Of course it was perfect, you stupid chink!" George told him.
"Superior planning and execution.  Just like always."
     "A toast!" I said.  "To superior planning and execution!"
     "And leadership," Mike chimed in as we clinked glasses over Mike's
bed.  I was glad it wasn't my bed when George almost dropped his glass.

***
09:43 22 Mar

     Debbie had left two messages on my voicemail demanding that I call
her at Lisa's ASAP.  So I called.
     Lisa picked up the phone.  "Hello?"
     "Hey Lisa, it's Val.  Debbie wan-"
     "Ohhhh, yeah.  Hold on a minute."
     "Val?"  It was Debbie.  "What the hell did you do last night?
Tracy's hysterical and the cops were all over the place dusting for
prints and such, was what she told Gina..."
     "Oh, you know.  Stuff."  I couldn't help laughing.

***
11:18 22 Mar

     "I wouldn't get that if I were you," I warned Brian.  He stopped,
and stared at me as I got up to answer the door.  "Hey, ladies!"
     They just said hi and pulled me outside.  Jill even shut the door
for me.

***
11:31 22 Mar

     "And, she said that they were all in black, even their faces," Gina
was telling us second hand.  I wondered how Debbie had arranged the
meeting on such short notice.  Or maybe it wasn't short notice.
Regardless, it was nice hearing about the assault from the victim's
point of view.  Sort of.
     "Did they beat her up or anything?" Kim asked.
     Gina shook her head.  "Just opened her door, and when she fell out
of the car, she thought she was gonna be kidnapped or something, but
they just took off.  She thought something had gone wrong, but she
didn't know what, it was just like total panic."  Gina shook her head.
     "So what happened to his car?" Kim asked, a look of upset on her
face.
     "It was completely trashed, the cops said.  All that water in the
electronics, it like shorted out completely or something.  It was almost
like dumping it in a lake or something."  A fire hose could put out an
amazing amount of water.  And I bet they didn't have the special wrench
to turn the hydrant off, either.  What a shame.  I bit my lip to keep
from laughing.
     "Well, what happened to Rob?" Jill prompted.
     Gina replied, "He got beat up and almost drowned, but nothing
worse, thank God."  Oh well.  "The cops said some people get killed by
loose fire hoses sometimes, Tracy said, and it was on her side of the
car, it could have like killed her or something!"  Doubtful, especially
with her hair.  I wasn't sure a bullet could reach skin, with all the
hair crap she put in it every day.  Still, we had thought about that,
which was Mike had pinned it between the headrest and the seat after
Tracy providentially fell out of the open door.  If she hadn't bailed,
Dan would have had to yank her out.

***
12:04 22 Mar

     "Anyway," Kim chattered, "we were gonna have a party-party kind of
thing tonight, my place.  Wanna come?"
     "Sure!  Can I bring anything?"
     "Music, I guess," she said.  "And bring the rest of the crew with
you.  I think," she mused, "we have something to celebrate..."

***
14:18 22 Mar

     Finally, I finished all my chores so I could go up and practice on
my synthesizer.  I hadn't gotten as much in over the break as I wanted,
due to me babysitting so much, and being out with Debbie the rest of the
time.  But I figured I could probably get in a few hours before I had to
get ready for the party.

***
18:04 22 Mar

     My fingers hurt, but I could tell I was getting better.  I put them
in the hot water spewing out of the shower head and flexed them back and
forth, and that seemed to help.

***
18:22 22 Mar

     "What's in the bag?" Mike asked as I got in the car.
     "Sleepover stuff," I told him.  "Debbie invited me over to spend
the night."  I grinned.  "Which reminds me, I need to stop at the store
and get some supplies."
     The guys instantly began to complain.

***
18:31 22 Mar

     It was a little embarrassing buying two boxes of condoms, but it
would be a lot more embarrassing if Debbie got pregnant.  She was on the
pill - I'd seen her take it in the morning, when I stayed over -  but we
couldn't be too careful.  I had a feeling she'd get revenge by making us
both wear maternity clothes.
     The guy at the checkout stand gave me a look, like two?  You?  I
just grinned at him.  Debbie had asked for two...

***
18:43 22 Mar

     Mike pulled up in front of the house we hoped was Kim's.  "You sure
this is it?" he asked.
     "No."  We all piled out of the car, and walked slowly - for my
benefit - up to the front door.  I'd undone whatever healing I'd done
over the last week, and it hurt.  I hoped Lisa was going to show up; I
had one Valium left, and I was trying to decide whether to use it now
for the pain, or tonight so I could get some sleep.
     Mike gave me a glance, then turned and knocked on the door.
     We waited for a bit, and then Linda Chassell, one of the senior
cheerleaders, opened the door.  I hope that all our faces looked like
hers when we saw her; she looked like she'd just been confronted by a
swarm of roaches.  "Oh, God," she complained.  "What do you brats want?"
     "You," George leered, and we all waggled our tongues at her.
     She retaliated by slamming the door in our faces.
     "Well, at least we got the right house," I mentioned.  Thank God,
Kim was nothing like her older sister.

***
19:04 22 Mar

     Linda had bailed out of the house, Kim's parents were out for the
evening, bribed by money for a dinner and movie out without the kids,
and I was rummaging through my travelling CD case to find something
appropriate.
     "Something loud and fast," Jill suggested over my shoulder.
     As if I didn't know that.  "Hi Jill."  I held up a CD with "#8"
written on it in marker.  "Think this'll do?"  Without waiting for an
answer, I slipped it in the tray and pressed Play.  Then I yanked the
volume knob all the way over.
     "What is it?"
     "Mine."  The bass kicked in about then, and I swore it blew my hair
backwards.
     "NICE STEREO!" I screamed at Jill, who looked like she'd been
whacked with a plank.
     "what?" I dimly heard as her mouth opened.
     "YEAH BLOODY FANTASTIC!" I yelled back, and stood up.  I made
dancing motions at her, and she got the hint.

***
19:10 22 Mar

     Debbie came in with a stunned look on her face.  I wandered over to
her and screamed hi.
     "what?" she yelled back over the stereo.
     "I SAID IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU!"

***
19:12 22 Mar

     You could almost hear yourself think in the kitchen.
     "So how was today?" I asked.
     "Good, everything went great today, sold a lot."  She looked back
at the door.  "Do you think it's a bit loud in there?"
     "What?" I joked.
     "I said, wanna dance?"  I pointed at my ankle.  "We'll take it
slow."  She took my hand and led me back into the inferno of noise.

***
19:41 22 Mar

     Half an hour of this volume was all anyone could take.  Kim finally
turned it down to something under 150 decibels.  I debated trying to pop
my ears, and decided that I'd better wait.
     Mike and Kim were trying to out-dance each other, and a couple of
guys I knew vaguely were really going at it versus Pam and Jill.  While
I was pointed in the right direction, I saw Pam do a high kick that put
one foot well over her head.  Debbie turned me before I could watch her
leg go flying off and bounce against the ceiling.

***
19:56 22 Mar

     "Jeezus, I need a break," Debbie mentioned when she got close
enough to my ear.
     "Sounds good!"
     "What?"
     "SOUNDS GOOD!" I roared.

***
19:58 22 Mar

     "I used to want to be a dancer," Pam explained as she poured a coke
for herself.
     "Like ballet?"  She nodded, drinking deeply.  "What happened?"
     Her face went dead.  She swallowed, then said in this toneless
voice, "My instructor told me to forget it, that I wasn't dedicated
enough."
     Debbie reached out a hand, and rubbed Pam's arm.  Pam's eyelashes
fluttered, then she looked up and gave Debbie a painful little smile.
     "What Pam's not saying," Debbie told me, "is that her,
'instructor,'" which rhymed, at that moment, with utter scum, "she said
that Pam was overweight when she was about a hundred and two pounds."
     I looked at Pam and tried to imagine her at 102.  She'd look like a
bunch of sticks.  "You're kidding."
     They both shook their heads.  "So," Debbie mentioned casually, "we
all went and had a talk with this woman," rhymed with slime mold, "and
told her that she could drive someone else to death, but she wasn't
going to do it to one of our friends."  Pam didn't look too happy about
it.
     "Shit," I commented.  "Then what?"
     Debbie looked at Pam, who just shrugged.  "You sure?" she asked
Pam.
     "Yeah, might as well, I guess.  If he's gonna hang around for a
while, he oughta know."
     Debbie turned back to me.  "Then we got her out of there, me and
Lisa read up on anorexia, and got Pam to a decent therapist and got her
eating again."
     "Well, you look good now," I said truthfully to Pam.  "You'd look
bad at a hundred pounds."
     She quirked her mouth sideways.  "Thanks, I guess.  I feel better
now anyway.  I haven't blacked out in a long time either."
     "Blacked OUT?"

***
20:09 22 Mar

     I held Pam's hand as she told me about what it was like, out in the
back yard.  Debbie was holding her other hand.
     Pam let out a sick laugh.  "You wanna know how they found out about
it?"  I shrugged, then nodded.  "Kim asked ME how she could lose weight.
And I was telling her, but I needed to get some sugar, and I didn't get
any in time, and I passed out right in front of her."  Pam demonstrated.
"That sort of got her upset," she added.

***
20:13 22 Mar

     "Hey," Kim's voice came out of the darkness, "Deb, Pam, you out
here?"
     "No," I called back, a little annoyed that she hadn't mentioned me.
     "Oh.  Well, if you come back from wherever..."  She stopped talking
and started giggling.
     I turned around, and Mike was leading her back inside the house.
     "Told you it would work out," Debbie said smugly.

***
20:15 22 Mar

     We wandered back into the house, to find the music off, and the
Pack and Da Rat Boyz sitting on the floor, with bottles and glasses
scattered around and the snack bowls within easy reach.
     "Shit, Tuck, how many girls do you need?" George complained.
     "All of 'em," I shot back, and kissed Pam on the cheek and Debbie
on the lips.
     Mike held up his glass in salute and belched.  Kim poked him.

***
21:09 22 Mar

     "Just weird stuff, I guess."  I put my head on Debbie's shoulder.
She wrapped an arm around me, and we snuggled like that for quite a
while.
     "So when are you two getting married?" Jill asked.
     Before either of us could say anything, Kathy commented, "As soon
as they figure out which one is gonna wear the dress and which one is
gonna wear the tux."
     George thought that was hysterically funny.  Everyone else thought
it was less so, but nobody bothered to stop laughing.  Debbie threw a
shoe at Kathy with her other hand.  Kathy caught it and threw it back,
conking me in the head.  I complained, which led Debbie to pull my head
down in her lap, where she stroked it and said nice things to me
quietly.  I decided that retaliation wasn't in order; mainly, because I
would have had to get up.
     Though, Lord knows, I was in all likelihood going to spend at least
half an hour down there later on tonight.

***
21:35 22 Mar

     Someone knocked on the door, and Kim looked puzzled for a few
seconds, then went to go answer it.  We heard a, "Book!" followed by
some kind of kissing-like noise.  Kim led Book, and some girl back in. I
vaguely recognized her as the girl from the mall, that I had introduced
to Book and vice versa.  Jesus, and it was only a couple of weeks ago,
too.  Well, it was a busy couple of weeks.
     "Hey, Book!  You brought a babe!" called Mike.
     "Don't let her get around Tuck, he'll take her too," complained
George.  The girl gave me a weird look.

***
21:48 22 Mar

     "So how DO you kiss?" Pam asked me.
     "I dunno.  Ask Deb," I told her.
     "_I_ like it," Debbie commented.
     "Nicely," said Kim.  Everyone looked at her.  She started to blush.
     Mike called her a shameless tart, and she poked him in the ribs,
and he poked her back, and it sort of degenerated until she was pinning
him to the floor.
     "So can I kiss him?" Pam asked Debbie.  She shrugged, then nodded.
Pam gave me an inquiring look, and I figured, *What the hell,* so I sat
up.  She scooted over next to me, so I wrapped an arm around her and
gave her a couple of gentle kisses on the lips.  She smiled at that,
then leaned over and gave me one back.
     "Oh, God, get ON with it," pushed Debbie.  And she pushed me almost
into Pam's lap.
     When we sat back up, Pam looked sort of surprised.  I wiggled my
eyebrows at her, and she giggled.  Debbie poked me painfully in the
back, so I leaned forward and gave her what I was beginning to think of
as The Treatment.
     There were impressed noises coming from the crowd, and Pam tugged a
little at the arm that was holding her against me, but not hard, so I
ignored it.
     When I finally had to break for a breath, she looked completely
whacked.  I just rearranged myself so I was safely back in Debbie's lap.
     "So how DOES he kiss?" Jill asked, grinning.
     "Guh," Pam mentioned, staring off into space.
     "Oh, that good, huh?" commented Kathy.
     "So how well does Mike kiss?" Debbie countered.
     Kim just giggled, a lot.  Mike complained from underneath her.

***
22:08 22 Mar

     "Wanna go?" Debbie whispered into my ear.  I just nodded, and sat
up.  She stood up, and offered me a hand.

***
22:36 22 Mar

     "I didn't think you were gonna make it home this early, kiddo,"
Helen told Debbie.  "Hi, Valerie."
     "Hi, Helen," I said, giving a little wave.  I was beginning to see
the use in jumpers.  Just put on a shirt, slide the thing over your
head, and you're dressed.  And Debbie always looked so cute in 'em.  I
guess she thought I looked cute in them too, or she wouldn't have
brought one for me to wear.

***
23:06 22 Mar

     "Wanna watch a movie?" Debbie asked me.
     "Nope."  I grabbed her hand and squeezed instead.

***
23:29 22 Mar

     "Bedroom?"
     "Yeah," Debbie breathed.  "Condoms?"
     "Yeah!"  I dashed to my bag and pulled out a box.

***
02:02 23 Mar

     I staggered off the bed and towards the bathroom for a final leak.
Debbie just lay in the bed and breathed.  A lot.  One might think I had
tired her out or something.
     I would have laughed, except I had to use all my concentration to
walk.  One would think she had tired me out or something.

***
02:09 23 Mar

     I snuggled into her arms, and against her breasts, and found myself
extremely happy.  And extremely exhausted.  I kissed her one last time,
and wriggled a little against her.  She kissed me on top of my head, and
I think she fell asleep before I did.

***
08:17 23 Mar

     The phone rang, and I reached for it instinctively.  Another hand
came over my body to try and grab it, and I thought it was Mike fooling
around, so I dropped my body on top of the phone and curled around it.
"Hello?"
     "Gimme the phone, you dork!" Debbie mumbled in my ear.
     "Tucker?" asked the phone.  It sounded confused.
     "Wha?" I said back to the phone.
     "Give me the PHONE!" complained Debbie, and she stuck a finger
somewhere in my rear that caused me to drop the phone instantly.  I
think I made an embarrassing noise, too.  She snatched the phone up
while I was still trying to protect myself.  "Hello?"
     I blinked a few times, then figured out that I was at Debbie's
again.  So it was her phone, so she should answer it.  Oops.
     Having solved this problem, I snuggled back up against her and went
back to sleep as she talked.

***
08:28 23 Mar

     Debbie poked me in the ribs as she crawled over me to hang up the
phone.  "What?" I complained.
     "Why did you answer my phone?"
     "I thought it was my phone, and I thought it was Mike being a dork
when you tried to take it away from me.  Sorry."  Pause.  "Who was it,
anyway?"
     "Ellen.  She wanted to talk a little."
     "Oh.  She okay?"
     "Yeah, just upset."  Pause.  "What am I gonna tell her about you?"
     "Whatever," I said sleepily, wishing she'd stop talking and go back
to sleep.
     She did, sliding back down and snuggling against me.

***
09:18 23 Mar

     The phone rang, and something shot over me and pinned me to the
bed.  It took me a while to realize it was Debbie.  I wiggled and she
wiggled and I ended up on the other side of the bed, enfolded in her
perfume or whatever it was that made her smell so insanely good.  She
talked on the phone for a while, and I listened to the singsong of her
side of the conversation without being able to make any sense out of the
words.  Not like I cared, either.

***
09:21 23 Mar

     "Val?"
     Debbie was shaking my shoulder gently.  "Mmm?"
     "Wanna get up and do breakfast?  With Kim and Jill?"
     "Mmmmm."  I thought about it, and decided that I needed to kiss
Debbie some before I could make up my mind.

***
09:47 23 Mar

     We were interrupted in our little wake-up routine by a knock on
Debbie's bedroom door.
     The result was like we'd been electrically charged - we flew away
from each other.  "What, Mom?" Debbie called after a few seconds.
     "Kim and Jill are here," Helen called through the door.
     "Oh, shit," Debbie said under her breath.

***
09:51 23 Mar

     Kim and Jill just smiled at us as we walked into the living room.
     "Good morning, kids," mentioned Helen.  She looked kind of tired.
"Long night?"
     Debbie nodded mutely while I tried to make sense out of the
question.  I couldn't tell whether she was asking about her night or
ours.

***
09:58 23 Mar

     "Poor Val, did you two sleep at all last night, or did you talk
until dawn?" Kim asked, a false sympathy dripping from her voice.
     I was feeling way too nice and squishy to say something nasty back,
so when Debbie shut the door to her room, I just kissed her instead.
     "You wanna shower first?" Debbie asked me.

***
10:18 23 Mar

     Debbie came back into her room, wearing a towel.  I gently kicked
the door shut behind her, and wrapped my arms around her from behind
like she always did to me.  Her shoulder was nice and soft and warm
against my cheek.
     "You two look disgusting," Jill commented.  "Like some sort of ad
for Sisters Monthly or something."  I kissed Debbie's neck, and her head
arched up.
     "More like Hustler, I think," Kim replied, and giggled.
     I thought about teasing Debbie's towel off to make it look better,
but decided against it.
     Then Debbie stuck a finger in her cleavage and pulled the towel
loose, and it fell off, and I had to check myself to make sure I hadn't
done it by mistake.
     "Oh, God, would you two stop it?" Jill said scornfully.
     Debbie turned around in my arms and kissed me on the mouth.
     I heard a pair of groans, followed by a flop noise.  "So, what do
you think of the new Depeche Mode?" Jill asked Kim.

***
10:36 23 Mar

     "So, what DID you two do last night?" Kim asked as we got into her
car.
     "Nothing," Debbie said smugly.
     "We talked a lot," I added.
     "Oh, God, what am I gonna tell Ellen?" Debbie bitched.
     Jill asked, "Tell Ellen about what?"
     I ignored Jill and told Debbie, "Just tell her we snuck me into the
house and I spent the night, and I picked up the phone by mistake.  It's
true enough."  Keep the lies simple, I always said.

***
10:57 23 Mar

     I ignored the two guys sucking face in front of us.  "You know, I
remember when I used to have a simple life," I pointed out to the girls.
     "Oh?  When was that?" Kim asked.  And giggled.

***
11:12 23 Mar

     It was Dan again.  "A little late this morning, ladies," he
mentioned as he put water down for us.
     I told him, "Long night."  Debbie kicked me, hard, under the table.
     Dan wiggled his eyebrows at me, and sighed, "Oh, I remember when
dating used to be that easy."

***
11:31 23 Mar

     "You know, Val, there's this class I thought you might sign up for,
if you need some more credits for graduation."  Since I was so far ahead
in math, it was looking like I'd have to take some extra classes to
graduate.  Not like they could let me out early or anything, oh, no.  It
wouldn't be right for my social development.  I wondered what the school
counselor would think of me sitting here like this.  I was getting
socially overexposed, I think.
     "Like what?" I asked.
     "Um, well..."

***
11:32 23 Mar

     "... and John said he'd be willing to rent you a station cheap when
you got licensed, which you can do at seventeen in this state, and-"
     "Waitwaitwaitwait.  Are you suggesting I become a HAIRDRESSER??"
     "Cosmetologist slash stylist," Debbie corrected.
     "Whatever.  Are you out of your mind?"
     "If she doesn't take it, could I do it?" asked Kim.

***
11:35 23 Mar

     "How much?"
     "That's what he said.  Fifteen an hour, maybe more depending on
what you do."
     This was going to require some serious thought.
     "How much?" Jill asked.  Now SHE looked interested.  Kim was
already hanging on every word.
     I mean, yeah, hairdresser.  But I'd done worse things for less
money.  Most of them involving Debbie, now that I thought about it.
     But that was even more than I'd make sitting.  And no baby poop.

***
11:37 23 Mar

     "Well, I'm gonna look into it," mentioned Kim.  "You?" she asked
me.
     "I dunno, I'm thinking about it," I replied.
     "Got 'til next Friday," she pointed out.
     "Friday after," I corrected.
     "Come on, Val, it'll be great!" Debbie pushed.

***
12:04 23 Mar

     "Are you really gonna go for it?" Jill asked quietly as I worked on
myself in the bathroom mirror.
     "Thinking about it.  That's a lot of money," I reminded her.
     "Yeah, I know, it's just..."  She shrugged.

***
13:54 23 Mar

     Mike looked at me suspiciously as I came in.  I held up my hands to
show him I was hiding nothing.

***
18:06 23 Mar

     "What?" Mike asked.
     I took a breath.  "Debbie had this idea..."

***
18:08 23 Mar

     "Oh, no..."  He was shaking his head.  I got the impression he
thought it was a bad idea.
     "But is it any worse?  Than like babysitting, I mean?"
     "That's not the point, Tuck."

***
18:34 23 Mar

     "I dunno, Tuck," Mike told me as I got my stuff ready.  "I just
have a bad feeling about this whole thing.  I mean, don't you think that
maybe you're going a little far with this?"
     "I dunno.  I mean, I don't THINK so."  I looked at him.  "And it's
a lot more than grocery bagging or stocking."
     Mike looked like he was going to say something, but he snorted
instead.  "What?"
     He said, "Don't get mad, but I was thinking you could do the
restaurant thing too, and then it just came into my head..."
     "What did?"
     "Hooters."
     I just glared at him.

***
06:32 24 Mar

     I sat on the pot, relieving myself, and thought about the weird
dream I'd been having, about me and Debbie and Lisa and all the rest of
the Pack working in Hooters.  It was all Mike's fault.
     Then I realized that, while extremely strange, it didn't really
classify as a nightmare.  And last night, over at Debbie's, I hadn't had
a dream at all.  She must've cured me.

***


"It's too big to wrap around my thing..."  - ellen's boss


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"Tallyho!"      \   /     @>--,--'--  ehayes@nym.alias.net  + vicki .sig
Ellen Hayes --=(*)=(*)=-- Renaissance Woman    ==[--------  + virus 9.1a
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