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Another Brick In the Wall Part Two -*- Copyright 1998 by Ellen Hayes.


Any resemblance between the writings in this work, and any actual
persons or places, living or dead, are purely coincidental, except when
used for satirical purposes.

This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and
possibly sex.  If you are legally not allowed to read materials
containing such things, then you will be breaking the law by reading
this.  I am not responsible.
Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it
in any format means that you explicitly affirm that you are legally
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state, and country.

All rights reserved.  See the bottom for distribution rights.


Another Brick In the Wall Part Two


***

     Susan walked along, hands stuffed in her pockets, with Tuck next to
her.  He was doing the same thing.  She wanted to yell at him to stop
it, but couldn't quite figure out what he was doing that irritated her
so much.
     "Where we going?" he asked.
     "Just..."  She took a deep breath.  "Someplace we can get something
to eat, and talk some more."
     Tuck didn't say anything for a long time.  Finally, he asked, "Why?
Why talk?" he clarified.
     "You need to talk, Tuck."  She sighed, and looked away from him.
"I'm not sure what is going on, and I don't think you are either.
Maybe, if we talk about this some more, we can figure something out,
okay?"
     "I need to figure something out," he agreed, then he stopped.
"Susan," he said seriously, "I, I...  I'm not up here on a joke or
something.  I needed to get the hell away from everyone, 'cause everyone
keeps telling me what to do, what to be, and they don't even know what's
going on."  Susan could understand that; what she didn't understand was
why he had put up with what he had for so long.  "I need to figure out
what's right for me, okay?  Even if nobody else likes it.  I DIDN'T mean
to run into you, either," he emphasized.
     Susan looked at her brother.  "Look, Tuck..."  She stared at his
battered sneakers.  "I'm sorry.  I know what that's like."  She rubbed
her eyes, then shook her head.  "So, I mean, what are you doing up here
anyway?  Here as opposed to someplace else, I mean."
     He twisted one corner of his mouth.  "I figured that everyone would
figure that I wouldn't be here, since you were, so I figured this was
the last place anyone would look, and it would give me a day or two to
read up on stuff before, before I had to start moving again or
whatever."
     Susan snorted at that.  "Yeah, I guess.  What were you reading up
on?"
     "Me," he answered.
     "You?"
     "My condition, what they think it is," he corrected himself.  "I
needed to know my options, so I could think about what to do."  As Susan
watched, Tuck's gaze shifted to infinity, and he looked almost like he
wasn't there at all.
     "Like what?  I mean, what do you have to do?"
     He looked back at her, or through her, and she got a chill.
"Susan," he started in this eerily calm voice, "I don't even know if I
can be treated.  What if I end up like you in a few years?  That might
happen."
     "What's wrong with me?" she wanted to know.
     "Would you want to turn into me all of a sudden?" he pointed out.
     Susan reeled with understanding.  Dimly, she heard Tuck continue,
"I don't know if I want, if I CAN live the rest of my life like that..."

***

     Brian stared at the ceiling.  He remembered the time, when he was
in third grade, and Tuck was in sixth, when Tuck had gotten beaten up.
It was another one of those times when everyone had been concerned about
Tuck, and nobody had cared about him at all.  He'd been shuttled off to
a friend's house while everyone ran around and did stuff for Tuck, just
because he had to go to the hospital.  Again.  It seemed like half his
life had been waiting for Tuck to get out of the hospital...
     He also remembered, involuntarily, that when Tuck had been put into
self-defense classes, that he had insisted that Brian get in them too.
And Tuck had been the one to show him the nasty stuff, the stuff Dad had
taught Tuck for when you couldn't fight fair.  Tuck had said that they'd
never need to use them on each other, that they were family, and-
     Brian rolled over and began beating on his bed, trying to dam the
tears in with anger.  "You asshole, you asshole, I hate you, I hate
you!" he half sobbed, half hissed, into the darkness.

***

     "Look, that's just out, okay?  Don't ARGUE with me!" Susan cut off
Tuck's protests.  "You're being an idiot, alright?  I could stand being
you for the rest of my life if that was the only choice I had, damnit,"
she hissed at him, "and you can damn well put up with going the other
way if that's what's going to happen."
     "But, but," Tuck sputtered.  "But-"
     "Look, I don't care what everyone else thinks, or anything like
that.  You already proved you could do this, and," Susan shook her head
at the luck he must've had, "and you've got a girlfriend who, God help
me, LIKES it.  I don't see what you have to worry about!"
     "But what about-" he gasped.
     "What?"
     Tuck took a deep breath, and let it out.  "What about Mom and Dad?"
he asked, starting to cry even before he got it all out.
     Susan sighed.  This had been a wet night, almost as bad as the
night her high school boyfriend-she-thought-fiance had broken up with
her.  But she pulled Tuck into her arms again, and held him as he
stuttered and sobbed.  "I don't care what Mom and Dad think any more,"
she told herself as much as she was telling him, "and _I_ don't care,"
which was an outright lie, "whichever way you go.  Just don't, you don't
have to kill yourself over this, okay?"

***

     Debbie stared out the window at the darkness.  It seemed fitting.
     She'd been crushed when Lisa was hospitalized.  Lisa had always
been her best friend, was her only friend at the time, and had talked
her out of rash things when she'd been-  She wrenched her mind away from
the end of that thought.  She wasn't eleven any more.
     When Lisa had tried, Debbie had felt a lot of things, but mostly
betrayal.  She hadn't known what she would do if Lisa died.  Life
without her was unthinkable.  And she'd just gone and done it one day,
without even talking to her about it...
     And now Tuck was doing the same things.  She didn't even know why;
that was almost as bad.  How could she say the right things to keep Tuck
alive if she didn't know what was hurting him so bad?
     Please, God, she thought, don't let him die.  Let me find the words
to help him.

***

     "So why is she so interested in money, anyway?"
     Tuck shrugged.  "It, it's kind of a weird story.  Her dad, he was a
cop, he got killed on duty when she was real little.  So, her mom had
all these bills, and a mortgage, and all this other stuff, and so they
lived real poor for a while.  Her mom was a cop, too, and they don't
make a lot of money.  So Debbie, she hated it, like you'd think, so when
she got old enough, she made a deal with her mom.  You know you can get
released or whatever, legally, from your parents, if they agree, right?"
Susan nodded.  "So, Debbie said, if Helen would do that, then she'd like
pay part of the mortgage and everything, like a roommate.  So she's like
bringing in half the money for the house and everything."  Tuck smiled
for a second.  "I think she's jealous of Lisa, too."
     "Lisa?"
     "That's her best friend.  Her, Lisa's folks are rich, and I think
Debbie wants to be rich too, just not jerks like Lisa's parents."
     "Debbie and Lisa?" Susan asked, as a memory surfaced.  Tuck nodded.
"Weren't they the ones that ran that candy scam back in junior high?"
     Tuck protested, "It wasn't a scam!  They never SAID they were with
an organization, they just said it was to raise funds, which was true.
I think it went to pay off her mom's car or something."
     Susan shook her head.  "You have some weird friends."
     Tuck shrugged.  "Yeah, I guess."

***

     "This is it," Mike said quietly.  Everyone in the car woke up,
mentally or otherwise, at his words.

***

     "You what?"  Tuck went defensive on her immediately, and she
hastened to explain.  "Look, I just wasn't sure what you said.  A date?
Like, with, with a..."
     "Guy?"  She nodded.  "Yeah," he sighed.  "It was sort of a payback
thing, for...  It's a long story, and I'm not supposed to even remember
what started it, but it was to help Lisa out.  Debbie wanted me to do it
for free, but I made Lisa pay cash."  He chuckled.  "I THOUGHT she was
going to help pay for a synthesizer, but Christmas kind of changed that.
I'm glad I waited, anyway."
     "Cash?  Like, for what?"
     "For risking my life, I mean, if, this guy was huge, and if he
found out, I figured I was gonna die."
     Susan glared at him.  "Well, why would you even think about doing
it, then?" she asked in an accusing tone.
     "I needed the money!  And I was doing Debbie's best friend a favor.
Besides, even then..."  He sighed, and looked completely depressed
again.  Taking a breath, he said, "Even then, it wasn't real hard to
fool people.  I guess I know why, now."

***

     Rachel drove around for the third time.  "There has got to be some
kind of parking place around here..." she mused.
     Behind her, Debbie was trying not to bang on the window in
frustration.  She was so close!

***

     Susan sighed, and looked at her brother.  She still found it hard
to believe.  "So, like, you just, wiggle your nose or whatever, and
poof?  Presto changeo?"  Tuck nodded.  "Come on..." she said
skeptically.  "You've got to be kidding."
     Tuck ran his fingers through his hair, and softly groaned, "I wish
I was, Susan, I really do."
     "Oh, come on, it can't be-"
     "Yeah?  Watch."  He stuck his fingers in his hair and combed it
forwards, then fiddled with it for a minute.
     "So?" Susan asked when he was done.
     Tuck said in a challenging tone, "So, watch, and wait.  And see."
     Within thirty seconds, the waitress came up.  "Hello, ladies, can I
get you something to drink tonight?"
     "Coke, please," Tuck told her in a voice that sounded subtly unlike
him.  Susan stared at him, and he stared at her, until he prompted,
"Susan?"
     "Uh, tea, please..." she mumbled.
     "I'll give you ladies a few minutes to look over the menu," the
waitress said, "and then I'll be back to get your orders, alright?"
Tuck nodded, and she left.
     They stared at each other, until Tuck mentioned, "Sometimes I don't
even have to try, it just happens."  He ran his fingers through his
hair again, and stared at the table top.  Finally, he looked back up at
her.  They locked gazes, and Susan had no trouble seeing the despair
inside him.
     "Oh, Tucker," she said softly, "what are we gonna do?"

***

     Lindy was seriously working herself into an I'm-late panic when the
phone rang.  "Oh, shit," she mumbled to herself as she danced around,
yanking her pantyhose up far enough that she could walk.  "It's Todd,
and he's downstairs, and fuck fuck fuck hello?" she said into the phone.
     "Is Susan there?" asked a woman's voice.
     "No, she's not, can I take a message?" she asked automatically,
cursing herself for wasting the time.
     "She's not there?"
     "No, she went out with her cousin..."  Lindy realized that first,
she had no idea who this person was on the other end of the phone, and
second, that Valerie might not want it known she was here.  If she
really had been abused like she looked...  "Or someone," she added as
smoothly as she could.  She hoped she hadn't blown it completely.
     "Cousin?" asked the woman.
     "I dunno.  Who's this?" Lindy asked pointedly.
     "Me?  I'm, this is Debbie, I, uh..."  She put her hand over the
phone and started talking to someone else.  Lindy wanted to scream, but
settled for snagging her skirt with her foot and flinging it at herself.
She clamped the phone between her ear and her shoulder, and stood up to
struggle into it.  Finally, the woman came back, naturally at the exact
instant before Lindy put the phone down to grab her sweater.  "Um, Susan
called the house, and said that, that a friend of ours was there?  Did
you see 'em?" Lindy heard.
     "Um..."  Lindy thought hard.  "Where are you?"  She thought she
recognized the background noise...
     "Wh-"  There was sort of a spluttering noise, then, "I'm on the
first floor of Susan's dorm, what does that have to do-"
     "It'd be easier to just come down and explain it, okay?"  And, of
course, it would be easier to figure out if she should be told anything.
Lindy had a hard time judging people over the phone.  "I'll be there in
a few minutes, just stay by the pay phone, okay?"  Then Lindy hung up.
"Damnit!  Why does everything have to happen at the same time?"

***

     Debbie carefully hung up the phone, then twisted sideways and threw
a half-full coke can.  Mike reflexively dove for the floor as it came
entirely too close to his head at high velocity.  It ended up exploding
just inside a trash can, which rang dimly with the impact.  "Damnit,"
she hissed with real venom in her voice, her eyes almost shooting
sparks.

***

     Finally, Susan couldn't stand it any more.  She reached down, and
pulled a hairbrush out of her purse, and handed it to Tuck wordlessly.
He took it solemnly, and brushed his hair into something approaching
order.

***

     Lindy walked downstairs, and looked around for an unfamiliar face.
She saw a lot of them, no surprise for a Friday night.  She walked
towards the phones, and saw a group that was hanging around, talking to
one dark haired girl in the middle.  She looked a good deal like Susan,
or Valerie, Lindy thought.  Hmmm.
     She walked up, and as she got close, the group noticed her, one by
one.  The dark haired girl in the middle was the last one, but she
finally turned and saw Lindy.  "Are you-" they both started at the same
time.  The girl didn't look that much like Susan up close, for which
Lindy was grateful.
     "I'm Debbie," said the one in the middle.  She looked like she was
about Lindy's age, or maybe a little older.  The rest of them looked
younger, though none of them looked old enough to be Valerie's parents
or anyone like that.  And it was doubtful that anyone this young would
be abusing a girl, not in a group.  Also, they all looked like they had
been massively upset, which would sort of match what Lindy looked like
when Sarah had tried to hang herself back in high school.
     Almost instantly, she decided that these were probably friends of
Valerie's, and not the people she was running from.  "Hi, I'm Lindy,
Susan's roommate?  If you're looking for Valerie, you mis-"
     Two of them said at one time, "Valer-"
     "Shut up," snapped Debbie at the rest of them.  "What?"
     "Uh, her and Susan went out to get some food a while ago," Lindy
said cautiously, wondering if she'd made a mistake somehow.  "I dunno
where," she added.
     "Was she okay?" Debbie asked.  "You saw her, right?"
     Lindy nodded.  "She looked kind of hungry, and really really tired,
but she didn't have any cuts or bruises on her or anything.  That I
could see," she amended.
     "Did they say where they were going?" asked the oriental guy.
Lindy shook her head.

***

     Tuck ate slowly, picking at his food.  Susan was still worried
about him.  "Well, I mean, you don't have to switch, right?  Even if..."
She left the end hanging.
     Tuck looked at her.  "I dunno," he said dully.  "I just, I mean,
sometimes I wonder if I can stop, even.  I don't seem to be slowing
down; maybe this," he waved his hand over his body, "is just the
beginning.  I wasn't kidding when I said I might turn into you.  Mike
already thought I was you once."
     "Mike's an idiot," she said, irritated.  "Look," she started before
he could object, "I know they can do stuff like liposuction and stuff-"
     "No!" he snapped.  "You know how much I hate medical stuff," he
reminded her.
     "Well, maybe you'll just have to get over it," Susan said back, a
little exasperated.
     "Susan, you've never sat there in ICU with a tube down your throat
listening to nurses talk about their fucking dinner-"
     "No," she interrupted, "I just sat there in ICU watching my little
brother with a tube down his throat et cetera."  She stabbed at her
plate.  "I HATED seeing you like that, Tuck.  It was like you were dead
already, like Grandma was the last year, and they were just keeping you
breathing and stuff.  I wanted to scream the whole time I was in there.
It was, it was like some kind of horror movie."
     "I thought you just didn't like me," he said slowly.
     "No!  I just, I couldn't stand looking at you, and trying to act
normal like Mom and Dad did, when you were so sick... I thought you were
gonna die, a couple of times, and, and, I just couldn't watch it," she
finished, feeling oddly helpless and exposed.
     She glanced up, and Tuck was looking at her strangely.  "I never
knew," he breathed.  "I thought you hated me, like everyone else did..."

***

     "I guess we just sit around and wait until Tu-Valerie," Debbie
almost spat the name she had bestowed, "and Susan get back."
     "Did you mention something about a motel?" Rachel asked
apologetically.  "I had an eight o'clock class this morning, and I'm
exhausted, and if I have to drive back..."
     Debbie fished in her purse for a slip of paper.  "I got us a couple
of rooms reserved at a Holiday Inn near here, or that's what the
reservation clerk said anyway."  She copied some information onto a
business card and handed it to Rachel.
     "Were, were you planning to do something else?" Rachel asked
carefully.  "Since he's not here, I mean?"
     Debbie shrugged, but it was Mike who said, "Wait for him."
     "I, he," Debbie snorted.  "TUCK," she emphasized, "shouldn't take
too long to eat."
     "That's how he stays so thin," Kim groused.
     Debbie continued, "And I'd rather not pay anything if we can avoid
it, so let's just see if the rooms are still available, okay?  Or you
can get one, if you want, and we'll come by when we find him."
     Mike made a face.  "Maybe, maybe whatsername, Susan's roommate,
maybe she'd let us wait up in their room.  He'd show up there if he's
with Susan..."

***

     "I can't go back yet," Tuck stated like it was a law of nature.
     "Well, what do you want to do, then?" Susan asked.
     He sighed, deeply.  "I dunno, Suze.  That's the problem.  I don't
have a clue."

***

     Lindy came downstairs again to wait for Todd, who hadn't called
yet.  That was a good sign, she thought.  He hardly ever called unless
it was to change their plans.  It would be nice, she thought as she
swung around the last flight, if he would call her up just to talk, but
at least this way she knew nothing was wrong.  Sort of.  She always had
this niggling feeling that one day, things were going to go to hell and
he wasn't going to call and-
     "Excuse me?"  The voice popped her out of her own thoughts, and
when she looked up she saw Debbie.

***

     "Tuck, I mean, you have to like it somehow, or you wouldn't keep
doing it."  Susan looked at her brother, who was looking at the ground.
"Something about it, anyway," she amended.
     After a time, during which Tuck made the unintelligible noises that
meant he was trying to put something into words that he found it hard to
think about, he finally said, "I, I dunno.  I like hangin' with all the
girls, and it's easier, sometimes."  He looked at her then.  "You know,
when you used to have those sleepovers and stuff?"  Susan nodded.  "I
got to go to a couple of those, and it, it was like fun, you know?"
     "What, like all girls?"  He nodded.  "Tuck, you used to HATE it
when I had my friends over!  What, I mean, what changed your mind?"
     "Your 'friends' used to pick on me, for one thing, and so would you
when they were around-"
     "Well, God, Tuck, I mean, I didn't want you hanging around me all
the time, and you wouldn't leave... you even used to listen at the
door!"
     "Well, I mean, you wouldn't tell me anything unless-"
     "Still, that was, I mean, that was seriously rude.  And you used to
do the same thing to me, IF you remember."  In particular, at that
moment, Susan was remembering a glass full of water that Tuck had slung
into her face one night when his friends were hanging around.  She'd had
to resort to telling Mom about it, because it had looked like all five
of the little geeks were ready to beat her unconscious with role playing
game books.

***

     Lindy had claimed that "guests" weren't allowed in the rooms
without a resident, and she was going on a date.  They'd found a place
where they could watch the front door and talk privately if they kept it
down.  Debbie was still steaming.
     "But what-"  Mike was baffled.
     Kim cut him off.  "There's gotta be some reason, I mean, she, Lindy
said it, and I don't think Susan would have mentioned it first, so it
must've been Tuck that did it-"
     "He's been doing that more and more lately," Debbie mentioned.
     "Some of that has to do with you, you know," Mike pointed out to
her.  "You keep pushing him-"
     "Me?!"
     "You," he stated.
     "YOU told him to go along with it," she emphasized.  "Besides, if
he didn't want to do something, all he would have had to do was say
something."  Mike looked completely nonplused at that.
     "LOOK," Kim said forcefully, before Mike could open his mouth for a
retort.  "This isn't going to get us anywhere.  Maybe we could figure
out what set him off?"
     Mike and Debbie both mentally backed away from a confrontation that
neither of them really wanted.

***

     Tuck sighed again.  "I guess," he admitted, "I guess I liked being
accepted, for once."  He looked up at her.  "You know what?  Nobody ever
thought I was good looking before I started doing this?  Not even
Debbie.  And SHE wanted to DATE me, and she didn't even..."  He looked
away again as he continued, "I dunno, I guess I, I mean..."
     "It's kind of nice sometimes, isn't it?" Susan asked him, getting a
bit of a clue.  He nodded, starting to blush.  Oh Lord, she thought, he
still does that?  "Tuck," she said gently, "I understand about that.  I
just don't see why it's such a big deal to you."
     "I never got it before!" Tuck told her.  "Nobody ever looked at me
twice except to make fun of me before, before-"
     "I know," Susan said.  She hadn't done much to improve the
situation herself, she realized guiltily.  "I'm sorry."
     He nodded eventually.

***

     "I keep thinking it has something to do with that mysterious doctor
visit he had Wednesday," Mike said.  Debbie sighed, and he didn't miss
it.  "Deb?  You know something about it.  Fess up."
     She sighed, and looked at the ground, then off at a noisy group of
college students.  Anywhere but him, he noticed.  "Come on," he coaxed.
     She took a deep breath, then said, "Somebody, I think it was
Rachel, mentioned that it was like uncanny the way he did it.  You did
too.  So, that's sort of been on my mind for a long time, you know?"  He
nodded.  "So, he was complaining the last couple of weeks about his
chest hurting, and I found out it was, it was..."  She pointed to the
area she was talking about, and Mike's eyebrows shot up.
     "He's growing-" Kim gasped, then put her hands over her mouth.
     "I don't know!" Debbie answered sharply.  "I was just worried, I
mean, it just seemed, you know, really weird.  So I asked him about it,
and he said he didn't know anything, so I told him to talk to his doctor
about it, and, and-"
     "And that was the last thing he did Wednesday before he
disappeared," Mike stated.  "Oh, shit."
     "No, it was a differrrr..." Debbie started to say, as Mike began
nodding.
     "Different doctor.  Like a referral or something."
     "What could it be?" Kim asked.
     Mike shrugged.  "Cancer?  Who knows."
     "I don't think it was cancer, Mike.  It wasn't just his chest.
He's been getting..."
     "Softer," Kim breathed.  "Like his skin, and..."

***

     "What about guys?" she asked.
     "Nothing about guys," he snapped, and pulled away from her.  "I'm
not gay, okay?!"
     "Okay, okay!"  She made calming motions with her hands, wondering
why he had exploded at that particular question.  "I just wondered, is-"
     "I am not gay," he spat each word.
     "I believe you!" she said.  What she was thinking, though, was I
think the boy doth protest too much.  He's just not ready to admit it
yet.
     Susan worried her lip as Tuck fumed.  But he can't be gay, she
thought, or that can't be all of it, or why would he have gone to the
doctor?  And there were those body changes to add to it.  They were kind
of hard to forget.  Still... Susan sensed there was something else
behind that answer.  She sensed, though, that he wasn't ready to admit
anything, especially to himself.

***

     Pam stared out Lisa's bedroom window at the streetlights.  She kept
coming back to her own situation, and comparing it to Tuck's.
     Dancing had been her life for so long, it was almost like she'd
forgotten anything else.  The only thing that was important was to be
the best.  And when the rest of the girls had intervened, she'd been
almost crazy with anger when it had happened.  She hadn't understood how
they could take away the only thing she'd ever been good at in her life,
the only thing that had ever made her parents - anyone - happy with her.
     She'd thought seriously about suicide, then.  She'd even gone so
far as to end up sitting in a warm bath with a razor blade, staring at
her wrists.  It had taken her that long, and that extreme, to realize
that it was all bullshit, her whole life had been bullshit.  Her parents
hadn't cared; her teachers hadn't cared; the priest at her church hadn't
cared; no one had cared except Kim and Debbie and Kathy and Jill and the
rest of the girls.  They had cared, and they had cared enough to keep
coming back, even when she had screamed at them.
     She still felt the longing, and the anger, sometimes; and she'd
always have a sort of soft spot in her heart for people who had been
driven to the edge, like she had been.
     So she couldn't really blame Tucker, for whatever it was.  Maybe it
was his self-image, like hers, that had almost destroyed him.  She knew
how that worked.  You think you should be one way, and you'll kill
yourself trying to get there.  God knew, he'd been messing around with
his own identity lately.  Maybe he'd just exploded over it, for some
reason.
     She was glad, most of the time, that everyone had come together for
her.  She hoped Tuck would be glad, or at least accepting of it, and
soon.  Whatever had happened to him, he was definitely going to need
friends to help him through it.
     Pam turned back to the room full of people, all of them concerned
enough about Tuck to break their curfews and do other things for him,
and felt glad for him.  It might even be enough.

***

     "I just, I just didn't know what to do," Tuck explained.
     "I know, it's a really big thing," she agreed.  As big, maybe even
bigger as the abortion she'd had last year, though she still wasn't
ready to talk about it, not even now.  "Sometimes, you just have to get
away and think.  I just, I mean..."  She sighed, and stopped Tuck by a
hand on his arm.  "Tuck, just promise me, you'll talk to me, or someone,
before you get crazy?  I mean, yeah, it sucks what you're going through,
but you can't be the only one or they wouldn't already have a name for
it, right?  So..."  She sighed, but forced the words out before he could
say anything.  "Tuck, I love you, you're my brother, and I don't want to
see you die over this.  I'll do anything to help you, whatever it takes,
okay?  Even if Mom and Dad won't, I will.  Whatever it takes."
     They stood, looking at each other, until Tuck nodded.  Susan
reached out and hugged him, then, and he hugged her back, for a long
time.

***

     Debbie was about to tell Mike where he could stuff his book when
she saw something out of the corner of her eye.  She turned to look,
even as Mike was doing the same thing.
     It was Tucker.
     As she shot upright, though, she noticed... it wasn't.
     She stopped, confused, trying to decide if it WAS Tuck or if it
WASN'T.  Her headache pounded the inside of her skull as she squinted at
the figure-
     Wait, there were two of them.  So one must be Susan...
     And the other one was Tuck.  And while he looked ill, he was
walking by himself, and not bleeding, or in the hospital, or-

***

     Now that she had Tuck somewhat stable, and fed, the next thing on
Susan's mind was finding him a place to sleep.  He was fading fast.  He
must be exhausted, she thought.
     Movement caught her eye, and when she looked up, it was Tuck's old
friend Mike, and Debbie, and a couple of girls he didn't know.  They
were all rushing towards Susan and Tuck.
     Without thinking, she positioned herself between them and Tuck.
That seemed to confuse them, or at least slow them down.
     "What the-?"  Tuck had finally caught on, it sounded like.
     "Tuck?" Mike asked, and Susan could hear the concern in his voice.
     When Debbie said the same thing a second later, though, Susan
realized that there was more going on to Tuck's relationship than he'd
mentioned.  She sounded like she was holding on to her sanity by her
fingernails.

***

     Rachel watched as Debbie and Tucker cried over each other, with
Mike hovering around like a moth.  "All's well that ends well," she
mentioned, and the girl Rachel guessed was Susan cringed.
     "Sorry," the girl apologized.  "That sounded like something my dad
would say."
     "Oh, sorry," Rachel apologized in return, then remembered her
manners.  "Oh, I'm Rachel?"
     "Susan, his sister, hi," she said as they exchanged polite
handclasps.  Rachel yawned uncontrollably, and Susan said, "Long night,
huh?"  Rachel nodded.

***

     "Mom?  Hi, it's Susan- yeah, he's fine."  She glanced over at the
two girls, and his best friend, clustered around him.  "Yeah, everyone
made it okay, they're- yes, Mom, he's okay.  We just needed to talk
some.  What?"  She put her hand over the mouthpiece of the phone.
"Tuck, Mom wants to talk to you..."  Tuck made a face and waved his
hands at her.  "Uh, damnit-"  She sighed and put the phone back to her
mouth.  "Mom, he's exhausted, he said he hadn't slept since Tuesday
night- that's what he said, Mom.  He looks it too, so what- Mom, they
rented a hotel room, and they were going to stay there over-  Yes, Mom,
he's fine.  He just got, he just needed to think about some stuff.  I
dunno."  Susan rolled her eyes.  The one thing SHE didn't want to do
right now was try and explain things to her parents.  It was hard enough
to do when she knew what was going on.  "Mom, look, we're all exhausted,
Tuck's okay, the kids-"  That drew some vocal protests, like she knew it
would.  "-will be back tomorrow as soon as they get some sleep, they
have a couple of rooms rented or something-  No, Mom, I can't put five
of them up, the dorms don't like anyone staying overnight and there's
nowhere to put any of 'em.  Mom!" she protested.  "We'll talk to you
tomorrow, okay?  Bye." She hung up, and shook herself, like a dog
shaking water off, until she'd shaken the stress off.  Then she switched
the phone's ringer off.
     "Tuck, you jerk," she said as she turned around, "you'll pay for
making me talk to them after this."
     Debbie, his girlfriend, flashed enraged eyes at her, but it was
Tuck who said, "Well, I get to talk to them when I get home, and I don't
think I can just hang up on 'em.  Maybe I could just stay up here for a
year until they get over it?"

***

     The phone rang, and all conversation in the room stopped as Lisa
picked up the phone.  "HelloDEBBIE!  How is- He's okay?!"  Some of the
kids in the room wilted; others exchanged back slaps or high fives or
just relieved grins.  "Oh, thank God, you're there with him, right?
Okay," she said, nodding, "so you'll-  You'll come back tomorrow?  Well,
wh-  Oh, right, Rachel needs to sleep, yeah, I-  Yeah, everyone's here,"
she smiled into the phone, "We were all waiting for the news.  So he's-
He's fine?  What?"  After a few seconds, she announced to the room, "He
hasn't slept since Wednesday?"
     "No wonder he's fucked up," Kathy commented, reflexively checking
her watch.  It was very early Saturday morning by now.

***

     They'd moved Tuck, who was falling asleep on his feet at this
point, back into the lobby, and Rachel and Mike were getting the car.
Susan thought it was funny that Mike had offered to escort Rachel out
into the dark, as if he could do anything if she was attacked.  She
snorted.
     "Susan?"  Debbie was looking at her, and looking very serious.
After several embarrassing seconds, she finally said, "Thanks, for,
for..."
     "It's okay," Susan replied gently.  "He's my brother.  I know how
it is."  Debbie's lips quirked up a little, but she nodded and didn't
argue.  She just stuck out her hand, for a friendly handshake.  Susan
took Debbie's hand instead, in both of hers, and just held it for a
minute.  Debbie's mask slipped, then, and Susan could see just how much
she cared for Tuck, and how much he had hurt her, and how much the
events of the last two days had cost her.  Susan had to blink away tears
before she let go.

***

     Tuck was back in class, and so embarrassed about being there in
girl's clothes - how could he forget? - that he wasn't paying attention
to class at all.  So when the bell rang, and everyone got up, it caught
him by surprise.
     Mike helped him along, and he was talking about all sorts of
things, but Tuck was still trying to remain invisible as best he could.
He was glad when they went into the gym with their flight bags, because
it meant he could change into his flight suit and OUT of the dress he
was wearing.  Unfortunately, it also meant that he was going to have to
fly back seat for Mike, again, and he'd missed the briefing.  He was
trying to catch up from Mike's notes as they walked out of the locker
room and out to the airstrip where the fighters waited.  Tuck didn't
have enough time to look at them before he had to climb into the rear
cockpit.  They went through the startup and takeoff checklists, and then
it was time for them to take off and they were climbing to altitude, and
Tuck was torn between keeping a watch out for enemy aircraft and reading
the briefing notes, but too soon it was academic because he heard Debbie
call over the tactical channel "Look out!" and almost that fast the MiGs
were all over them, and they were twisting and dodging, and Tuck was
doing his best to interpret the display, but it wasn't familiar, nothing
was familiar any more, and he was doing his best but he was so afraid
that he was going to let everyone down, and when the MiG slipped in
behind him he was glad for a second, because this was something he could
do, warn Mike about it, but there was nothing they could do to get away
from it, flares and chaff going off like the Fourth of July but the
needle tones of lock-on just would not stop no matter what Tuck did, and
when the blast came it was almost expected, and Tuck reached-

     Tuck jerked up out of a sound sleep, or coma, and started
scrabbling behind the headrest and screaming, "EJECT!  EJECT!", scaring
the hell out of everyone in the car.  Rachel was glad she was at a
stoplight, or she knew she would have had an accident.
     Debbie was going to say something, Rachel guessed as she looked
in the rear view mirror, but Tuck looked at her, and then all the
tension went out of him, and he dragged his arms around her neck and
snuggled against her.

***

     "Who's staying where?" Kim asked as they coaxed Tuck out of the
car.
     "Um, well, we've got two rooms... I guess we could put me and
Tuck in one, and you girls in the other one."
     "Nuh uh," Tuck objected sleepily.  He made a supreme effort, and
stood upright on his own.  "I need Deb tonight," he said plaintively.
After that, he stood there, his chest heaving from the exertion.
     After a few long seconds, long enough for Debbie to return with the
keys to the rooms, Kim said, "Let's get him upstairs and we can decide
then.  I DON'T think we can carry him..."

***

     Tuck was collapsed in one bed already.  They'd just managed to
strip off his outer clothes and put him in the right way.  Kim kept
looking at him to make sure he wasn't dead.
     "Kim?"
     "Yeah, sorry," she sighed.  "I don't really care..."
     "Um," Rachel raised her hand a little.  "I really hate sleeping
with someone else in bed.  Sorry."
     "Well, that leaves me and Tuck, and Mike in..."  Debbie bit her
lip.  One way or another, Mike was going to be in the same room with one
or more of the girls.
     "Oh, shit," Mike complained, looking truly angry.  "What are you
worried about?  I'm not a rapist, okay?  If it bothers you that bad,
I'll sleep out in the fucking car."  He stalked out of the room and just
barely managed not to slam the door.
     Kim got up, saying, "I'll talk to him," and followed him outside.
"Mike?"
     He stopped, and turned around, but he didn't look like he was ready
to be reasonable yet.
     "Mike, look," she said, trying to sound calm.  "We're, I mean,
we're not used to sleeping in the same room with guys, okay?"
     Mike opened his mouth to yell something, but instead, he just
pointed an accusing finger back at the room.
     "He's not normal," Kim pointed out.
     Mike thought about it for a second, then sighed, and nodded.  "So
what do I do?" he asked quietly.
     "Well, I-I-I don't mind if you sleep with me," she said quickly.
Too quickly, she realized, when she heard what she had said.  "In the
same room, I mean!"
     Mike blinked, then pointed at her and chuckled.  "You look like a
tomato," he said after a few seconds.
     That was entirely unnecessary, she thought.  She knew darn well
what she looked like when her face was this hot.  "That's not what I
meant!" she hissed.
     "I know, I know," he said, motioning with his hands for her to calm
down.  He stopped smiling then, and just stood there, looking tired.
"Well, if it doesn't bother you, let's see who else it doesn't bother."

***

     Debbie crawled into bed, next to the man she thought she wouldn't
ever see again, and pulled herself as tight against him as she could
manage.
     He woke up, barely, but it was enough for him to recognize her, and
smile, and kiss her a little, before his eyelids fluttered shut again.
But she felt him adjust his body against hers.
     She wasn't sure if she'd ever been so relieved in her entire life.

***

     "Kim?"
     "Yeah Mike?"
     "It doesn't, I mean, does it bug you if I sleep in here with you?"
She looked up from toweling her hair dry.  He seemed to be serious.
     She thought about it.  "No," she said slowly, "not really.  I do
trust you," mostly, she thought, "and, and it's okay."  She shrugged.
Kathy had taught her enough to beat the shit out of him if he tried
something.  He might live through it, too.  But she didn't think he was
that stupid, or like she'd said, he wouldn't be there.
     He looked at her until she couldn't stand it any more, and
restarted drying her hair.  "You know," she heard, "I wouldn't do
anything you didn't want to do."
     "Good," she said, and really meant it.  Maybe Debbie had been right
about geeks after all.  She sure as hell wouldn't have dared do this
with anyone else she'd dated, that was for sure.
     "On the other hand, if you wanted-"  She glared at him, and he
spread out his hands.  "Can't blame a guy for trying."
     She just sighed.  "Mike, look, I like you and all, but I, I don't
want to go too fast, okay?"  Guys scared her.  Bad.  "And, and, if you
don't, if you can't wait, then-"
     "Hey, whoa, that's not what I meant, Kim!" Mike protested.  "I, I
like you a lot, but I don't want to push anything on you.  I just, I
mean, some, I just thought..."  He stopped in confusion.
     "Look, I-"
     "No, wait, I got it," he said, more confidently.  "It seems like a
lot of girls, they want encouragement that someone finds them
attractive, right?  That's why they dress nice and wear makeup and do
their hair, is to catch someone's eye, right?  So I was just, I just
wanted you to know I think you're, you're..."  He was actually blushing,
Kim realized.  It was funny enough that she couldn't hold the giggles in
any more.
     "Mike, you are such a geek!" she accused, and threw the damp towel
at him.
     "You knew that when you met me," he retorted as he relaxed.
     "Yeah, I know."  She thought of something, and turned serious.
"Mike, do you think Debbie and Tuck will stay together?"
     "If he didn't blow it this time, yeah," was his quick reply.  "I
dunno what it is with the two of them, but somehow they seem made for
each other.  I mean, Tuck has always been strange, and so has Debbie."
He didn't even know the half of it.  Kim suspected she didn't know the
half of it either.  "And..."  He laced his fingers together.  "They just
mesh, like almost nobody I've ever seen.  Even though it is kind of
twisted."  Kim had to nod at that.
     "So..."
     "So, can I get a goodnight kiss?"
     "Mike!"
     I'll give you one back," he bargained, and then shut up.  She was
torn between kissing him and hitting him.  Finally, the kissing won out,
as he just sat there and looked pitiful.  She walked over, and gave him
a peck on the cheek.  As she started to turn around, he caught her hand,
and slowly raised it to his lips, and kissed it.  Then he let go, and
sat there, looking at her, with a little smile on his face.
     She'd been scared when he grabbed her hand, but when she realized
what he was doing, it was like he was reading her mind.  The more I hang
around with him, she realized, the better he gets.  Must be my good
influence, she thought.  She smiled at him, and ruffled his hair, and
said, "Goodnight, Mike."
     "Night Kim."  And with that, he slid under the covers and rolled
over, away from her.
     She stood there, feeling incredibly alone all of a sudden.  If
she'd been with the rest of the girls, she would have had someone to be
with.  But she was all alone, in a room with a guy...
     "Mike?" she said before she realized it.
     "Nnnn?"  He didn't roll over.
     She realized what was going through her head, and almost gasped.
Or maybe she did gasp out loud, because he rolled over.  "What?" he
asked.
     "I, I," she started to shake as she wrapped her arms around
herself.
     He slid back out of bed and stood up and held her arms gently.
"Kim, what is it?  Do you need me to go sleep in the car or something?"
     Kim closed her eyes, and tried to breathe.  "Mike, I, I'm scared."
     "Of me?"  She shook her head.  "Of, of Tuck?"  She nodded.  "Look,
it's okay, we found him, we just won't let him get away again, okay?
He's fine, we'll just-"
     She started to cry, and stiffened when he hugged her, but when he
didn't do anything else, and held her like one of the girls would have
done, the floodgates opened, and she relaxed into his arms as she
rattled both of them around with the force of her grief.

***

     Rachel lay awake, staring at the wall.  It had been an interesting
day, alright.
     The thing that stuck in her head, though, was Mike and Tuck.  When
Debbie had finally let go of Tuck, after that first initial meeting,
he'd looked up, and Mike was staring at him intently.  They hadn't said
anything to each other; they'd just matched hands in midair, and stood
there, heads lowered, in complete silence, for almost a minute.  It was
if the two were talking psychically, because when they let go of each
other, Mike was breathing a little heavy, like he was relieved, and Tuck
had almost completely relaxed.
     Debbie and Tuck were tight, but the bond between Mike and Tuck had
been almost frightening.  Two souls, she thought, and then had another
curious thought.  Maybe, she wondered, if Tuck is having problems with
his sexuality or whatever, that the problem was that he was in love with
Mike?  Of course, that didn't fit with him and Debbie.  And it didn't
really feel quite right, either.
     It was more like Mike and Tuck were twins, she realized.  She'd
seen a pair of identical twins do something similar, once.  Linked in
the womb, and forever after.  It couldn't be quite the same, of course,
but the bond was the same.  Like they were twins of the spirit.
     She rolled over, and watched Tuck sleep, with Debbie wrapped around
him like she was afraid he'd go again in her sleep.
     Rachel wondered what it was about him, that inspired such caring
about him.  He was definitely a special individual.

***


"And the worms ate into his brain...."  -  Pink Floyd, _The_Wall_


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"Tallyho!"      \   /     @>--,--'--  ehayes@nym.alias.net  + vicki .sig
Ellen Hayes --=(*)=(*)=-- Renaissance Woman    ==[--------  + virus 9.1a
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