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Tuck, Tuck, Goose!

Copyright 1997 by Ellen Hayes.

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given to the original author, me.  Any resemblance between the writings
in this work, and any actual persons or places, living or dead, are
purely coincidental, except when used for satirical purposes.

All rights reserved.

Furthermore,
This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and
possibly sex.  If you are legally not allowed to read materials
containing such things, then you will be breaking the law by reading
this.  I am not responsible.
Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it
in any format means that you explicitly affirm that you are legally
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state, and country.


Tuck, Tuck, Goose!

***
16:02 7 Jan

     "Good afternoon," said Debbie in a very professional sounding
voice, "and thank you for coming!"
     "Now," she continued, walking around a little, "I know that Mary
Kay is sort of a big joke to everybody, but they really do produce some
superior products, in my opinion.  And I brought my boyfriend here to
prove it!"  She flourished a hand at me, and I smiled.  On cue.
     Back to normal... or what passed for normal in my life lately.

***
11:37 8 Jan

     Sure enough, we saw Julia come swimming through the crowd, holding
something in her hands.  She waggled her eyebrows at us as she got
closer.  "Merry Christmas, you two nuts," she said, as she handed us
each a box.  Mine was wrapped in pink, while Debbie's was in blue.  It
was almost humorous.  "I couldn't get out Monday, so it's a bit late."
Debbie waved forgiveness at her.
     When I opened mine, there was half a medallion in it, on a chain.
I stared at it a minute, then looked up at Debbie when she made a
delighted noise.  "Julia!" she said, sounding surprised.  "Thank you!
Thanks a lot."
     Debbie caught my eye, and held up a similar medallion, except... I
pulled mine out, and they fit together perfectly, making a round coin
that said "Friends Forever" across it.
     It was kind of hokey, but it was kind of cool too, so when Debbie
gave Julia a hug, I gave her one too.  Then I slipped the chain around
my neck.
     "Now, just remember to be careful, you two, alright?" she
admonished.  "And break a leg."  She bowed, and Debbie bowed back, and
so I faked a curtsey.  Just this once.
     She laughed, and did a flourish, and walked off.
     Debbie was shaking her head, and commented, "Drama people," like
that explained anything at all.

***
11:43 8 Jan

     "Just wait a minute," I hissed as I typed.  Mike and Dan watched
over my shoulder, hopefully keeping a lookout.
     *Oh, yes!*  "It's still there, and...."  *Bing-o!*  "It's got a few
new passwords in it."  I pulled out a sheet of paper and wrote them down
for study.  "I love assembly language."
     "Didja get it?" asked Dan in a whisper.
     "Four new passwords," I said back, "one of which has to be the new
admin password for the network.  I, uh, left a present on this one
before Christmas break in case they switched passwords, so they had to
use this one."  I rubbed my hands in glee.  *The network will be mine
again!*

***
21:38 8 Jan

     WELCOME TO THE BLACK NETWORK said the screen.  I cackled in glee.
"YESyesyesyes, now I have it, now I can replace the foul Manshoon,
ahahaha, world domination is merely a few steps away!"
     It had taken a lot of trading to get the same netware software that
the school used, but it made hacking their system so much easier.  I
could test things at home, and get them working before I attacked the
actual school computers.

***
11:41 9 Jan

     They stared at the listing of all the processes on all the
computers.  I just looked cool.  Or tried to.
     "Christ, Tuck, how do you do that?" asked Dan quietly.
     I shrugged, looked at my fingernails, and stated, "Just natural
talent."  I had to avoid doing a Evil Laugh, because that might give it
away.  It was a strain.

***
11:51 10 Jan

     "You know, Tucker, we were having a party next Saturday night,"
Jill mentioned with a too-casual air.  "Just a little get-together at
Sabrina's house."
     "So?"  Not like I was suspicious or anything.  Haha.
     "Well, we were wondering if you'd like to come?"
     "Who's we?"
     "You know, me and Kim and Sab and Pam and Kathy, and Debbie."
     "Anyone else coming?"
     She shrugged.  "Did you have someone in mind?"
     "Oh, come on, Tuck," chimed Kim, "it'd be fun.  Just bring your
indominitable self."  I had a feeling that wasn't the right word.
     "So what's the catch?"
     They all looked _way_ too innocent after that last question.

***
07:54 13 Jan

     "Hey, Tuck!  Guess what?"
     "Whatsup, Debbie?" I asked her as she came up to me and the guys.
     "My mom's working Friday night!"
     She seemed a little too excited at the thought of her mom working
overtime.  "Um," I said cautiously, "forgive me for being stupid, but,
so?"
     She waggled her eyebrows, and when that didn't produce any
lightbulbs, leaned up next to my ear and whispered, "Sleepover."
     I thought about it real hard for a few seconds, but the lure of
being alone with Debbie for a whole night again was too much.  I
grinned, and high-fived her.
     "What?" asked Mike irritably.

***
11:41 13 Jan

     "Pleassssseeeeee!" they all begged, in chorus.
     "Oh, no...."  I just couldn't.
     "We'll be nice!" Sabrina promised.  "Please, Tuck, we want to see
you!"
     "How about I just come over like normal?" I countered.
     "'Cause my parents would freak," she said.
     I pointed out, "If you think they'd freak over _that_, just _think_
about how bad they'd freak if-"
     "But nobody'll know!" Debbie said.  "Nobody else has figured it out
yet!"

***
15:32 17 Jan

     "One of these days, Tuck, you are going to regret doing this.  You
really are."
     I thought about it as I hoisted the luggage, then shot back, "Yeah,
maybe, Mike, but I'm not gonna regret it until after tonight."
     "And don't forget where that A-plus paper came from," reminded
Debbie.
     Mike just rolled his eyes.  But he opened the door for us.

***
15:49 17 Jan

     "Oh, Tuuuuuuckerrrrr," Debbie called as she got back from her trip
to the bathroom.
     "Huh?"  I put down the _Computer Gamer_ that I was looking at, and
looked up at her.  Something was wrong....
     "Take a look," she said, and shut the door.  When she turned around
again, she pulled her shirt up to her neck.
     Where I distinctly remembered her having the standard two breasts,
she was now sporting four, arranged in a square.
     "Aaaaaahhh!" I screamed.  "Whatthehellisthat!?"

***
15:50 17 Jan

     "And this glue'll come off the same way as the stuff on my head,
right?"
     "Right," she affirmed as she glued the fake breasts to my chest.
"In fact, it's not that good a glue, so you ought to wear a bra, or they
might just fall completely off."
     The mental picture of _that_ was enough to make me laugh so hard I
fell off the bed.  "AhAHAHAa, I've heard of droopy boobs, but-" made
Debbie crack up too.

***
15:57 17 Jan

     "Oh boy," I said when I saw the dress.  It was dark pink again, out
of something which was hopefully going to be thicker and warmer than
satin.  It had puffed out sleeves, which wouldn't go down to my elbows,
and this sexy slit in the back of the skirt.  "Why don't you ever wear
things like that?"
     She grinned.  "I do.  When you dress up, I do too."
     "But," I said after a pause, "wouldn't you like to look even more
beautiful just for your own sake?"
     "Wouldn't you?" she shot back.
     I just groaned at her.

***
16:08 17 Jan

     "What do you mean, I can't wear flats with this?"
     "You can't wear black shoes with that dress, sweetie."  She said it
like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
     I growled.  "How about I wear your dress instead?"  It looked dark,
at least.
     She gave me the eye.  "If you _really_ want to...."

***
16:16 17 Jan

     "Want to" wasn't the word, but at least I could wear flats with
this one.
     On the other hand, somehow, I'd ended up with something that had a
shorter skirt on it.  On the gripping hand, she'd brought tights, which
should keep me warmer.  Now I was in a black cocktail dress, with white
lace trim and leggings, and gold buttons going all the way down.  Like
all of Debbie's dresses, it was curvy, and of course I was wearing
enough structural reinforcement to give me the proper shape to fill it
out.  Argh.  She'd gotten some gold hoops which, thankfully, got clipped
on instead of glued.  I'd seen the bracelets and necklace before, at
Christmas.  But, flat shoes, thank God.
     I looked at myself in the mirror, and it was weird to see
everything without the hair being styled or makeup on.  I had, I
decided, been doing this sort of thing entirely too much.  And those
fake boobs felt _weird_.  They... bounced.  Eeeuygh.
     Debbie looked over my shoulder into the mirror.  "Well, you look
beautiful," she crooned into my ear.  Then she licked it until I
couldn't stand it any more.

***
16:19 17 Jan

     "Your hair's almost long enough we don't need a wig," Debbie
commented as she styled the blonde lengths into something "cute".  Her
word, not mine.
     "Is that why you've been growing your hair out?" asked Mike.
     I just looked at him from under the brush and wig.  "Need I
mention it was Debbie's idea?"
     "But it's such _nice_ hair," she told me.  Mike just smirked.

***
16:28 17 Jan

     "Well?" Debbie asked Mike.
     "There's something really wrong with this picture, Debbie," Mike
said, looking at me.  Debbie's face went upset.  He went on, "He looks
like a geek most of the time.  This is, it's unnatural."
     "What's _wrong_ with it?!" asked Debbie, waving her hands in
irritation.
     "Nothing's _wrong_ with her, if she was a girl.  Which Tuck is not,
last time I saw him whizzing in the guy's room, and that's what makes it
unnatural."  He shook his head.  "It must be a gift or something."
     "Curse," I said glumly, thinking of the last time I'd done this.
     "Tuck!" protested Debbie.  Then she got this Sunday-schooteacher
look on her face and said in this pinched voice, "We must all use all
our given talents, not hide them under a bushel."
     "You," Mike pointed at Debbie, "have talent.  This," pointing at
me, "is a mutation."
     "Hey!" we both protested.  "Are you calling my boyfriend a mutant?"
Debbie asked mock-dangerously.
     He just proffered me.
     I blew him a kiss, then reached over and gave Debbie a real one.
When I let go, Mike was shaking his head.  "You two perverts are
disgusting.  Get outta here before my parents get home."
     "Thanks Mike," I said, hitting him on the shoulder.
     "Thank me with that CD you promised."

***
16:54 17 Jan

     "Take deep breaths.  No sweat," she coached me as we approached her
front door.
     "No sweat," I panted.
     "Hi Mom!" she called as she unlocked and opened the front door.
     "Hey kids, how's it going?" Helen asked, sitting in one of those
one-piece short-and-shirt things, with her hair in a ponytail.  She
almost didn't look old enough to be Debbie's mom.
     "Pretty good!" answered Debbie enthusiastically.  I found myself
nodding.  And letting out the breath I was holding.

***
17:12 17 Jan

     "She's in the shower," Debbie told me, unnecessarily, as I could
hear the water through the pipes as well as she could.
     I just had time to put my arms around her as she got up on my lap
and we started practicing for tonight.

***
17:19 17 Jan

     "Short shower," I complained.
     Debbie sighed as she got off my lap, then grimaced and pointed at
my face.  "Your lipstick is _all_ fucked up."
     I grinned at her.  "So's yours."
     She shook her head.  "So we better fix it before Mom figures out
we've been playing pattycake."
     She had a point.

***
17:41 17 Jan

     "You girls ready?" she asked, coming out of the back hallway.  She
was dressed nice again, like Debbie and I were.  We'd fixed our faces,
too.
     "Yep," said Debbie, and we got up off the couch and grabbed our
coats.
     "You look nice again, Miz, um, Helen."  I'd forgotten, almost.
     She smiled at me.  "Thank you, Valerie.  You two look good, too."
     Debbie sighed theatrically, and lied, "Well, then I guess you two
will get all the attention, while I wait for my boyfriend to get over
his Christmas toys."  Helen laughed at that, and so did I.  Probably for
different reasons.

***
17:53 17 Jan

     "Did you see the boots he got her?" asked Helen.
     I nodded, having picked them out myself.  "Yeah."  I glanced at
Debbie, and mentioned, "He never used to do things like that while I was
dating him."  Debbie winked at me.

***
18:16 17 Jan

     "...So then, he has the gall to ask me if I'm single!"  Helen
motioned to the heavens with her fork, which was thankfully unloaded.
     "Was he cute?" asked Debbie, trying to hide her grin behind a roll.
I snorted.
     Helen shook her head, but she was smiling too.  "I don't date
people I just wrote tickets for.  It's a bad first impression."
     "Well, you know, you didn't _have_ to give him a ticket," I pointed
out.  "Then it might be a good first impression."  Debbie's eyes bugged
out at me when I said that.
     "You do have a point," Helen sighed.
     Debbie shook her head to clear it, and asked, "So what did he do?"
     "Seventy in a forty-five zone," came the instant reply.
     Debbie gave a thumbs-down.  "Leave that one, mom, his dick's too
big for his brain."
     I almost snorted a chunk of meatloaf across the table.  Helen just
laughed and laughed.

***
19:22 17 Jan

     "You seem to be having fun," Debbie mentioned as we repaired meal
damage to our respective makeup.
     I shrugged.  "I like your mom.  She's, fun.  Not like my mom."
     Debbie made a face.  "Your mom's okay, she's just..."
     "Mundane," I finally supplied.
     "Yeah."  She motioned over to the stalls.  "Cops don't stay normal.
They get weird.  See too much."
     I nodded.  "I'm beginning to understand that, myself."  Debbie just
rolled her eyes at me.

***
19:29 17 Jan

     "Well, what's next?" asked Debbie.
     Helen scratched her head.  "I can't decide whether to stay out and
do something else, or go home and take a nap," she admitted.  "It's been
a hard week."
     Debbie looked at me, I looked back, Helen looked off at the
streetlights, I think.
     Long pause.
     "Ice cream," said Helen.
     Debbie and I looked at each other.  "Sounds good to us!" enthused
Debbie.

***
19:34 17 Jan

     I coughed up some cash for two double scoops after Debbie nudged
me.  It was the least I could do.  Debbie apparently had the same
opinion.

***
19:41 17 Jan

     "So are _you_ seeing anyone lately?" I tossed back at Helen.  I was
tired of not getting my licks in, and had figured that I could ask the
same questions she did.  Besides, _she_ probably didn't get panicky
every time the subject came up.
     She rolled her eyes at the ceiling, and took another spoonful of
Ultimate Chocolate.  "No, not right now.  It's kind of hard to date when
I'm so busy.  We're understaffed at the department, and..."  She
shrugged.  "Overtime's money.  What can I say?"
     "Well, Mom," Debbie drawled, "we'll just have to work on getting
you out more!"
     I think I went white when she said that, because I don't think the
"we" was rhetorical.
     They missed it, though.  Helen snickered, and remarked, "Debbie, if
I was that interested in dating high schoolers, I'd be picking you up
from school so I could check 'em out."  I had to snort at that - it was
too funny to think about.
     "Well, we could always go hit the," she switched to a whine,
"'Grown-up' places."  Debbie licked her cone.  "Then you just let me get
to work, and I'll find you someone."
     Helen snorted.  "Deborah Carstairs, Sales Goddess.  Thanks, hon,
but I can pimp myself."  We all laughed at that.  And laughed, and
laughed.  And when a couple of college age guys at the next table looked
at us strange, we laughed harder.

***
19:46 17 Jan

     "Hey Mom!" Debbie called from the counter.  We both looked up.  She
pointed at the guy at the counter, and said, "This one's single!  _And_
he has a job!"  She flourished at the counter-guy in question.
     The guy blushed Simply Strawberry, Helen put her head down on the
table, and I just stared.
     "She's cute, eh?" I heard Debbie tell the guy before Helen got up
to "have a talk" with Debbie.  I recognized the body language.

***
19:47 17 Jan

     "You'll have to forgive her, she's not quite the same since her
medication ran out," I told the guy.  I was getting the take-home for
them while Helen had a talk with Debbie outside.  Erk.
     He shrugged, packing some Ultimate Chocolate into a quart package.
When he stood up, though, he had this kind of smirk on the face.  He
leaned over, and said quietly, "Tell the truth, she _is_ kind of cute.
I just couldn't stand having the other one as a step-daughter."
     After I stood there, mouth hanging open, a sufficiently long time
for him to finish packing the ice cream and ring it up, he caught my eye
again, and told me, "And don't tell either of them that."
     I shook my head mutely, then dug in my purse to get cash and cover
my embarrassment.  "She's not that bad, normally, really...."

***
19:49 17 Jan

     Debbie was sulking in the car, which kind of dampened the mood.  A
lot.  I was starting to feel really uncomfortable.
     What I couldn't believe, though, was what finally slipped out of my
mouth.  "He did think you were cute, though."
     As I tried futilely to stop anything else from coming out by
stuffing my hand into my mouth - the damage had already been done -
Debbie snapped around to stare at me, wide-eyed.
     Silence reigned in the car for another ten seconds, then Helen
started to splutter.  She did a quick right onto a side street and
stopped, and I thought I was seriously gonna get it.
     Instead, Helen just let loose with howls of laughter, real Comedy
Channel stuff.  Debbie and I started some induced giggling, and watching
each other made it funnier, of course.  I was glad Helen had pulled over
when she started banging the steering wheel.

***
23:18 17 Jan

     "Debbie?" I started.
     "Hmm?"
     "I think your mom's not going to be coming home any time soon.  Can
we just get right to the, um..."  I sort of lost my nerve then, as she
looked at me, and raised her eyebrows and started to grin.
     "You mean like, not finish out the movie, just go in my bedroom and
fuck?"  I think she was trying to shake my nerve.  It worked.
     "Um, I, uh..."  I had no idea what to say, so finally I stopped
gibbering and just looked at my shoes.  A little tiny "Yeah?" finally
wandered out of my mouth when I wasn't watching.
     "Oh, well, then, if that's what you want, come on."  She stood up,
and offered me a hand.
     "Are you serious?"  I couldn't believe it.
     She made a face, and asked, "Do I look serious?"
     "How the hell would I know?  You always look serious.  Except when
you don't.  Which don't have any connection to how _you_ feel at the
time."
     She took pity on me then, 'cause she said, "Well, I'm serious, and
I'm seriously horny, so let's go, huh?"  She waved her hand towards my
face, and I finally took it and got up.

***
23:22 17 Jan

     "Dancing?  Again?" I complained.
     "It gets me going, warms me up, opens up my senses."  She looked at
me questioningly.
     "Ah," I said intelligently.  Then I asked, "Would you like to
dance, miss?"  She grinned.  And nodded, and took me around in a 360.
Leading, of course.

***
00:04 18 Jan

     The dance had lasted a long time, but it was finally reaching the
crescendo.  Far too soon for everything but my poor tired muscles.
     God, she was beautiful when she was making love.

***
00:13 18 Jan

     "Debbie?"
     She finally replied, "Mmmmmm?"
     Daringly, I took her hand and guided it down to what I wanted her
to know about.  She felt around, then looked at me, a little surprised,
and I hoped a little impressed.  "Again?"
     "I-if you, uh, wanna?"  I wasn't sure at all about how to do this,
despite years of listening to locker room advice.
     She smiled, shaking her head.  When she looked back up at me, she
touched my face, and told me, "You're just fantastic, did you know
that?"

***
00:21 18 Jan

     She pulled me against her in one last burst of energy, and arched
her back enough to lift us both off the bed.  And screamed, long and
hard and deep.
     She was, if possible, more beautiful than the last time.

***
00:25 18 Jan

     "Now _you_ want more?" I teased her.
     She mutely ran her fingers across my more sensitive areas, trying
to get me to respond again.
     "Debbie," I told her gently, "I think it needs a long nap.  You
tired it out."  She smiled, lowering her eyes.
     When she looked back up, she was uncertain about something.  "Could
I ask you to do something?"
     "You can always ask," I said gallantly.  Then I thought about it,
and added, "and I'll probably do it too, based on past history."  I
shrugged - this was not the place or time to be bitter.  "So, what did
you want me to do?"
     She looked down again, biting her lip.  She looked so cute when she
acted like a normal girl her age.

***
00:31 18 Jan

     I wouldn't be able to say what she tasted like, exactly, but I knew
I liked it.  A lot.  So did she, judging by the way she was writhing.
There was one, just one, piece of advice on technique I'd picked up in
the locker room which seemed to be working.  Instead of letting her grab
my head, I'd held her hands, and used the force of her pulls to tell me
how hard to do things.  As a result, I could almost breathe enough,
which I didn't think I would have been able to do if she was stuffing me
down as hard as she was pulling at my hands.
     The only regret was, I couldn't see her face.  She always looked
her most beautiful when she was making noises like that.

***
00:41 18 Jan

     "Ohhhhhh," she moaned happily as I helped her into the shower.  she
wouldn't let go of me for more than a moment, either.  And she kept
smiling at me, and stroking me, and kissing me.
     Not that I minded.

***
00:57 18 Jan

     She wrapped her arm around my waist, and pressed up tight against
me.  I couldn't stop smiling.  Especially when she started to snore,
just the teeniest bit.

***
09:19 18 Jan

     I woke up, thinking something was different.  When I opened my
eyes, and saw Debbie's sleeping face next to mine, I knew what it was.
     *What a glorious day,* I thought, insanely happy.

***
09:21 18 Jan

     My watching her must've made some connection in her brain, because
she opened her eyes.  She blinked a couple of times in astonishment,
then I saw her pupils shrink.  And she smiled, the same kind of smile
that was on my face.  My heart skipped a beat.
     "Good morning, lover," she mumbled, and snuggled up close, slipping
her arm under my neck.  I nestled against her breasts, amazed that her
skin could smell so distinctive without any perfume.
     We stayed like that for not long enough.  The entire weekend
wouldn't have been long enough.

***
09:36 18 Jan

     She gave me a kiss as we traded occupancy of the bathroom.

***
09:39 18 Jan

     "Well, what now?"
     "I think I'm hungry," she mentioned apologetically.
     I grinned at her.  "I think I have an idea."

***
09:44 18 Jan

     "Onions, and cheese, and- oh, lunch ham, this is great.  Do you
have any mushrooms?"  Debbie shrugged, and started to look.  "Wait, is
that bacon?"
     "What does it look like?" she asked me.

***
09:57 18 Jan

     "What is that smell?" a friendly voice asked from behind us.
     "Valerie offered to cook breakfast, Mom!  Isn't that cool?"  I
wondered how Debbie could be so calm when we'd almost got caught
swapping spit in a serious way.  But there she was, feeding bread into
the toaster, like nothing happened.  What a woman.
     Trying to emulate Debbie's cool, I asked Helen, "How would you like
your omelette?"
     Helen just leaned against the doorframe, and grinned.

***
10:34 18 Jan

     Helen commented, "That was _fantastic_, Valerie.  Where did you
learn to cook like that?"
     I shrugged, grinning.  "I cooked a little for my aunt when I went
to visit them one summer.  Like every day.  She said I needed to learn
how."  She'd said even a bachelor should learn how to cook, and that it
would also impress the ladies.  This was the first time I'd tried it.
It seemed to be impressing the ladies.
     "Well, next time you see her, thank her for me."  I nodded.  I sure
as hell would!  Debbie nudged me under the table, and when I looked at
her, she was grinning.  Helen added, "I didn't think anything would wake
me up before five, but I just couldn't resist that smell..."
     Cooking bacon - the best alarm clock ever discovered.

***
11:26 18 Jan

     "Debbie, can I wear something normal today?"
     She gave me a look.  "You _always_ wear something normal, Valerie."
     "Oh, please," I disputed.
     We glared at each other for a while.  "At least let me help
choose," I submitted.
     "Okay," she allowed.

***
11:34 18 Jan

     If it wasn't for her skirt fetish, I would have felt better.  She
also kept picking stuff that I just _knew_ was going to be too cold, but
at least I could argue that.
     What we finally ended up deciding on was a long blue denim skirt,
my flats, a white blouse that looked like an effeminate tuxedo shirt,
and the same leather jacket that had kept popping up over Christmas
break.  And, no lie, a petticoat, except Debbie claimed it was a skirt
she wore in summertime too.  All of it with ruffles, except the leather
jacket.
     "You've _got_ to be kidding!"
     "Hey, you're the one that wanted warm," she retorted.  "And the
more layers you have, the warmer you'll be."  I hated it when she was
right like that.

***
11:49 18 Jan

     "So could you help me out on buying some of the clothes today?
Cashwise?" she asked as she switched lanes.  She didn't drive quite like
her mom, at least.
     "Why?"  I had this sort of philosophical objection to buying
women's clothes to wear for myself.
     She sighed, and shook her head.  "Because, I have to keep buying
some stuff for you that I don't wear, so my mom won't get suspicious
seeing you only in my clothes."
     "But-"
     She stroked the inside of my leg, through the skirts, but I could
still feel it.  "But, wouldn't you like to come over more?" she purred.
     "Nnnn.  Debbie, that's not fair!"
     She crinkled her eyebrows.  "And your point is?"
     I sighed.  "Can I at least help pick out what I'm going to be
wearing?"
     "Well, sure!" she said, like it was the most natural thing in the
world.  "I wouldn't have it any other way."  Lie, big lie.
     On the other hand, when she cupped her hand and ran it up along my
leg, I had a hard time thinking of anything, much less telling her off.

***
14:37 18 Jan

     "God, I just don't-" I was saying as we turned the corner and I ran
into somebody.  "Oof!"  And dropped everything, of course.  "Oh, hell,"
I remarked as I bent down.
     The guy I ran into bent down too, but as I looked up at him, I
realized that it was Dan-the-Man, staring back at me.  He looked about
like I felt, like he'd just seen a rhino, and we both yanked violently
away from each other, landing on our butts on the floor.  Before he
could shout anything incriminating, like he was going to do, a hand shot
over his mouth.  I looked up, and there was Mike and George.
     "Valerie!" said Mike desperately, as he and George held Dan down.
"Good to see you again!"  Dan was pointing at me frantically, like he
couldn't believe what he was seeing.  "Shut the fuck up, Dan," Mike told
him.
     "Hey guys!" said Debbie.  I looked over at her, and she had the
grin on her face that said this could be turned to her advantage.  I
relaxed, a tiny bit.  If anyone could get me out of this, it would be
Debbie.  "Anyone up for lunch?"

***
14:43 18 Jan

     "You did WHAT?!" Dan almost screamed.
     "Shut UP Dan!" everyone chorused urgently back at him.
     "But-"
     "Dan, please, no one has to die over this," Debbie said, with true
menace.  "If," she added, "you keep your mouth shut and listen.
Otherwise we all get pasted, and I for one will make damn sure that you
go down the tubes with the rest of us."
     That seemed to work on him.  At least, he put his hand over his
mouth and motioned for us to go on.
     We couldn't, though, because the waiter got there, and we had to
order drinks.  My mouth, for one, was remarkably dry.  Something to do
with terror, I think.

***
14:45 18 Jan

     "So what are you doing this morning?" Dan asked finally.
     "She spent the night over last night," said Debbie slyly.  Dan
looked at her, then looked at me.  I gave him a 90210 smile.
     "And you two..." he said faintly.
     "Most of the night," I admitted modestly.  Debbie patted my arm.
     "Oh my God," Dan said reverently.  George looked at Dan for a
second, then ostentatiously crossed himself and started praying to the
ceiling.
     Debbie remarked, "That's what accounts for that little glow she's
got this morning."  She nudged me under the table, and I nudged her
back.  We giggled at each other.
     "And your mom-"
     "Works nights," replied Debbie, "but sometimes she checks on me,
and of course, like this, we can sleep in the next morning, too."  She
gave me another nudge.  "Valerie fixed breakfast for everyone this
morning, and Mom said it was one of the best omelettes she'd ever had."
     Dan just stared.  I wondered if Debbie had one of Lisa's spare
Valiums around.  He looked like he could use one.
     Mike asked, "So what are you two doing this afternoon here at the
mall?"
     Debbie gave him a "boy are you a complete moron" look.  "Buying
clothes!"
     "For who?" asked George.
     Debbie fluttered her eyelashes at him, and replied, "Well, I _am_
buying for two these days, you know."
     The guys groaned, but I had a horrid flash after a second.
"Debbie," I whispered urgently into her ear, "you're not, um, pregnant,
are you?"
     She turned the moronic look on me.  "No!" she said sharply.  I
slumped in my seat, relieved beyond words.  She probably would have made
me marry her.  In a wedding dress.
     "So what did you two pick out?" asked George mock-nicely.  Nobody
else seemed to have caught my panic, which I guess was a good thing.
     "Oh, what we got was..."

***
14:53 18 Jan

     "Nachos again?" asked George.
     I shrugged.  "So what?"
     George looked at Mike.  Mike caught on.  They grinned at each
other.
     "What?"  I hadn't caught on, except that it was something pointed
at me.
     "Oh, nothing," said Mike casually.
     "Nothing," agreed George.
     I leaned over to Debbie and whispered in her ear, "When are you
going to do the same thing to them that you did to me?"
     "When I get enough of a hold on them to make them do it," she
whispered back.  "I'm working on it.  Except, of course, _they_ won't be
sleeping over at my place..."
     We smiled at them.  They smiled at me.
     Dan asked, "What?"
     "Nothing!" everyone chorused.

***
15:38 18 Jan

     "We'll be right back," said Debbie, in that tone that said we were
going to the women's room.  Again.
     "Are you going-" Dan said in shock, but Mike must've kicked him,
because he shut up, and Mike began speaking into Dan's ear.  Hopefully
explaining the facts of life to him.

***
15:42 18 Jan

     This standing over a sink and futzing with my face was becoming
entirely too common a feature in my life.  Mike was right.  The jerk.
     I shook my head.  "I can't believe I ran into him here.  Shit."
     Debbie made a face, one not necessary to apply makeup.  "What's the
big deal?  He's one of your little evil buds, he'll keep his mouth
shut."
     "Oh, God, I hope so, but, I mean, what if he doesn't?"
     She shrugged.  "Then we kill him and hide the body."
     "For real?"  It _would_ solve a lot...
     She snorted.  "No.  We just play the Reagan game, deny deny deny."
She turned and winked at me.  "Besides, as far as they know, you've only
been doing it with me, and I'd tell everyone exactly what they should
hear."  She turned back to the mirror.  "Then we destroy him, if
necessary."
     I was so glad Debbie was on my side.

***
15:46 18 Jan

     "Oh, Valerie, you look so much better," commented Mike snidely.
George did his Beavis laugh, Dan just stared.
     I shrugged at Dan, and asked, "Well, what else am I supposed to
do?"  Ignore Mike, for one, but I was already doing that.
     Dan just shook his head, like he was trying to shake the insanity
loose.
     "So, what next?" asked George.
     Debbie shrugged.  "I dunno, what did you have in mind?  What were
you guys doing anyway, today?"
     George said, "Come to the mall, poke around, watch babes, drool,
you know."  Debbie snorted.
     "Keep these two out of trouble," added Mike.  He had a girlfriend,
currently.  Tina.  The one I had dated, a while ago.  I was glad they
weren't together today, but I think the reason was, he was realizing,
slowly, that she was a right royal pain in the ass, even if she was
cute.  I mean, anyone that would date any of us had to be kind of a
social reject.  I glanced at Debbie.  *Or purest evil,* I thought.  But
there's social rejects and then there's social rejects.  Tina was one of
those who treated dating like buying mutual funds - the highest return
for the least risk and investment on her part.  I wished her luck, all
of it bad.
     Mike asked the reasonable question, "Why?"
     "We got some time to kill," said Debbie.
     "Before what?" asked George.
     As usual, nobody had told me what was going on either.  "Yeah,
before what?" I asked.
     She leaned over and told me in my ear.
     "Oh, no, not- oh, no, this is too far," I started off, waving my
hands and leaning away and doing all the things that never worked when
Debbie got one of her ideas.  "Not that!"
     "Not what?" the guys all asked.
     "Oh, come on," Debbie pleaded, "it'll be fun!"
     "Noooooo!"

***
16:07 18 Jan

     "Well, there's always a movie," suggested George.
     We all shrugged.
     "Which one?" Mike asked eventually.

***
16:12 18 Jan

     "I _hate_ things like that!"
     "Well, do you have any better ideas?"

***
16:17 18 Jan

     "Two please," said Debbie.  She turned to me as the tickets popped
out, and mentioned, "I still owe you some for Thursday."

***
18:17 18 Jan

     "Oh, jeez, my eyes hurt," I complained.
     "My _butt_ hurts," complained Mike.
     Debbie just stretched, touching her toes.  God, she was sexy when
she did that.  And she was mine, all mine...

***
18:22 18 Jan

     "Hasn't anyone figured out how to make this stuff longer wearing or
something?" I complained as I reapplied lipstick for what felt like the
fortieth time today.
     She shrugged.  "Supposedly it works longer than it used to, but
it's almost impossible to compare."  She glanced at me.  "It goes bad
after a few years."

***
18:26 18 Jan

     "So, what now?" asked Mike.  Dan seemed to be getting used to the
idea that I was almost the same, but not to call me Tucker.  I could see
that it might take getting used to, although it seemed to _me_ that I
looked different enough like this, that it shouldn't be hard to
remember.
     George, wonder of wonders, was talking to this girl elsewhere in
the lobby, and we were leaving him alone.  We didn't want to scare her
off with a flock of geeks, all at once.  Although, looking around, the
boy-girl ratio _looked_ almost balanced...
     "Well," sighed Debbie, "we really ought to get going so we can, uh,
get where we have to go."
     "Do we have to?" I asked.
     "Stop whining."
     "I'm NOT whining, I just don't want to-"
     She gave me a look which stopped me in mid-sentence.  "Please?" she
asked simply.  I watched her for a minute, and her sincere expression
didn't change.
     I sighed deeply, and wished that things were different, but I
couldn't resist her when she did that.  "Okay," I surrendered.
     "What?" asked Mike.
     "Nothing!" we both snapped.  I gave him the handsign for later and
hoped he would take the hint.
     "Oh, I gotta make a phone call first," Debbie said, distracted, and
wandered off to the pay phones.
     "Me too."  I oughta leave a message for my folks.  "Be right back."

***

"It's bad enough when a guy talks down to you on a technical subject
because you look like a woman.  It's much, much worse when a fellow T*
talks down to you on a technical subject because you look like a woman."

TS Tip #10: Under no circumstances should you wear black lip liner.
This is a myth perpetuated by a certain individual who is secretly
marking all the stupid TV's for later capture and retrieval.


"Tallyho!"      \   /     @>--,--'--  ehayes@nym.alias.net  + vicki .sig
Ellen Hayes --=(*)=(*)=-- Renaissance Woman    ==[--------  + virus 9.1a
            http://www.geocities.com/WestHollywood/Heights/5734/



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