This file is a part of Elf Sternberg's Collected Works on ASSTR.  The
complete archive of Elf's work can be found on his website at:

http://www.drizzle.com/~elf

The author can be contacted at:

mailto:elf@drizzle.com

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Journal Entry 115 / 00918

Elenya, Lothess 18, 00918

Kiza tapped Jofuran on the head. "Please don't."

Jofuran looked up from between Kiza's legs, her eyebrows raised.
"Something wrong?"

"It's just not working, Furry. I don't know why." Kiza turned to look
away from her, exhaling in one long sigh. "I wish I did."

Jofuran slid up and wrapped herself around Kiza's back. "Want to talk
about it?"

"It's just not working, Furry. Please? Don't touch me. I don't want to
be with someone right now."

"Tell me what's wrong, Kiza, please."

"I don't know!" Kiza said. "Please, just go away."

Furry slipped out of bed, drawing the covers up over her roommate, and
made her way back into the living room of their apartment. She had been
afraid this might happen, afraid of the day Kiza decided that she, too,
knew too much and it was time for her to move on.

She drew herself a glass of sweet juice and sat down on the aging living
room couch, propping her feet up on the low table set before it. She
hated the feelings coursing through her, the anger. The problems they
were having weren't Kiza's fault.

Weren't they? she wondered to herself. Kiza had been slowly removing her
heart from her feelings for the past two weeks, as Nickolai's return date
grew closer. Kiza had always had a pattern of falling away from lovers
as they grew to know her, but Furry had always thought of herself as
immune to that effect, since she had known Kiza very well before they
started sleeping together.

It had been such a glorious two years together! She swore gently as she
swirled the juice in its glass, then took another drink. She and Kiza
had made quite a pair, and few people even believed that they were going
to break up soon.

What was she afraid of? Losing her? There was no reason to fear that;
it was absolute certainty. When Nickolai arrived, nothing Kiza could do
would tear her away from the mel she loved, and if she tried, Furry's
wrath would be more than enough to make sure they never spoke to one
another ever again. The agreement had been, two years ago, that when
Nickolai showed up, Kiza was going to back off, and Furry was damned
sure that was how the agreement was going to work even now.

Why did everything have to hurt so much? She twisted in the couch, leaning
her head against one of the cushions, wishing the dreams and the fantasies
would all congeal and give her a clear picture of what she was going to
do, what she wanted. She wanted Nickolai, and she wanted Kiza to be happy.
She wanted those two desires to be mutually compatible.

"You did a lot of growing up in the past two years, Furry," she commented
to herself. Her reflection, distorted in the glass, stared back at her.
More than she was willing to admit to herself; to admit that much change
meant admitting that she might have changed away from the fem Nickolai
loved so.

Kiza's door opened, and she walked through the living room. Furry noted
that she was fully dressed to go out on a date or dancing, complete with
purse. "Kiza?" Furry asked.

Kiza didn't answer, but instead reached the door to the apartment and
walked out, slamming the door behind her. "Kiza!"

No answer, no return. Furry stared hard at the door, trying to will the
Marten back into the apartment, but Furry was no mage and no psionic,
and she merely stared, helplessly, at the solid, unmoving green door.

"Damn," Furry said aloud. "Now what do I do?"

"Might I suggest studying?" Kerry asked.

"No you may not," Furry snarled back at the AI, wishing that Kerry didn't
have to be so bloody single-minded all the time. Still, she did need to
get her reading done in historical vacuum-archeology, and she picked up
her PADD and dialed in the lesson her teacher had assigned.

A sound startled her. The PADD wasn't where it had been a moment ago;
instead it was on the floor, and Furry realized she must have dozed off.
Her brain felt slow, foggy, until she heard a sound at the door, a thump
against the wood paneling. She rose from her seat and ran to the door,
opening it. A body, slumped against the door, fell into her apartment.

"Kiza?" she asked, looking down. Her roommate was a mess, the fur matted
with a dried, pasty substance in places. Her outfit was torn to shreds,
and Furry couldn't even find her purse.

"Furr...rry," Kiza said, looking up. She suddenly began to cry. "Oh,
fah, Furry, help me."

"Kiza?"

"Furry, please... help me."

"What happened?"

"I don't..." Kiza began sobbing as Furry helped her to her feet. "I
don't want to talk about it. Just... please. Help me into the bathroom."

Furry, gripping Kiza about the waist, led her into the bathroom. Kiza
loosed herself from Furry's grasp and fell, nearly head-first, towards the
toilet, where she immediately vomited the contents of her stomach. Furry
winced, then stood outside and waited for Kiza to finish. The sounds came
for a long time, finally ending in violent dry heaves that sounded worse
than the actual sounds of throwing up. She poked her head in. "Kiza?"

Kiza's voice, pale and weak, echoed in the bowl. "Help me."

Furry knelt down beside her Marten roommate. "How?"

"Get these clothes off of me," Kiza begged. "And... a bath. Please. I
need a shower."

"What happened to you?" Furry decided that Kiza's clothing was
unsalvageable, and when she couldn't make the buttons do what she wanted,
she just tore them open. In less than a minute she had Kiza undressed,
and turned to start up the shower.

"I... I got drunk."

"I can smell that," Furry said.

"I mean, I got really drunk. I, uhm, I went to Hover's. You know, the bar
where all the jocks hang out. I led a few of them on, and we... we... Oh
fah..." Kiza hung her head in the toilet and the heaves began again,
body-tearing sounds that made Furry's stomach do flip-flops all their own.

Furry found the strength to reach out and touch Kiza's shoulder. "Are
we talking rape, Kiza?"

"No," Kiza said. "I... I wanted them to. I led them on, and it just
got out of hand. I let them do anything they wanted, Furry... Oh, fah,
I want to die now... I can't believe what I did when I was drunk."

"Are you okay? I mean, medically-- should I call a doctor or something?"

"I just hurt, Furry. Please, just help me into the shower." Furry did
as Kiza asked, helping her over the rim of the bathtub and into the
large shower stall. Kiza sat down on the floor and curled over into a
ball, crying.

Furry knelt at the side of the tub, one hand on her roommate's back. She
waited while the water poured over Kiza for the crying to cease.

Finally, after what seemed forever, it did cease, and Furry reached for
the bottle of soap and a washbrush. She dosed the brush with soap. "Kiza,
can you sit up?"

Kiza slowly unrolled into a sitting position, her eyes blurry and red.
"Furry?"

"Gotta wash this stuff off you," Furry said. "Do you think you're going
to need a doctor?"

Kiza shook her head. "No. They just wanted to fuck, Furry. I don't think
they had the brains to really hurt me." She smiled weakly.

"I hope this teaches you to not get drunk and go into Hover's."

"Actually, I walked into Hover's and then got drunk." Kiza laughed. Furry
looked up, surprised, then smiled to her roommate.

As Furry washed the gunk, which she guessed was mostly either dried
vomit or semen, out of Kiza's fur, she said, "Kiza... why?"

Kiza bent her head back to look up at the ceiling. "Because of you."

"Me?"

"Furry, I don't want to be a... a... a lesbian!"

"Who says you are?"

"Everybody on this damned campus! They know we're sleeping together,
they know we haven't kissed anyone but each other since I decided I was
giving up mels a year ago. But I don't want to give up mels, I don't
want to be a lesbian! I like mels... "

"I believe you, Kiza," Furry said, laying a hand on her roommate's knee.

"But Furry, I've never had a successful relationship with a mel, ever! The
best relationship I've ever had was with you, and in two weeks that's
all going end when Nickolai comes back, isn't it?"

"It might," Furry said. "Or we could end up still being best friends,
Kiza. I can't believe you started a gangbang just so you could prove to
yourself and the whole Ring that you were straight!"

"I didn't mean to... but when I was drunk, it just seemed like a good
idea." Kiza reached down and grabbed Furry's hand. "I love you."

Furry started. "Kiza..."

"No, wait," Kiza said. "I mean that. From the bottom of my soul to the
top, Furry, I love you. You've proven to me that I can love somebody,
and I guess that's the most important thing you've ever done for me.

"It's all going to end in two weeks, but those two weeks are going to
be the happiest, and the saddest, in my entire life. At least, my life
up to now." She slowly stretched her legs out before her in the shower,
scratching at her fur. "I'm really a mess."

"How many guys were there?"

Kiza cocked her head, thinking for a moment. "Five."

"FIVE?"

Kiza laughed. "Well, you asked. It was a gangbang, after all. I think
there was a Lutra, a Mephit, an Uncia-- or maybe a jock Felinzi, not
sure-- and a Vulpin."

"You're taking this remarkably well for someone who's describing what
some fems would call rape."

"No," Kiza said. "No, I wanted it. I deserved what happened to me
tonight." She wrapped her arms around her midsection. "After throwing up,
though, I feel a whole lot better."

"Ready to dry off?"

Kiza nodded. Furry again helped her to her feet; she was still none too
steady. Still holding her roommate in one arm, Furry activated the blow
dryers, scratching and ruffling Kiza's fur to make sure that she was
completely dry before helping her into bed. Kiza shivered slightly. "I'm
cold."

"Do you... want me to keep you warm?"

Kiza nodded. "I'm sorry for earlier."

"It's been building for a while."

"I know. Maybe it'll be better tomorrow."

Furry nodded and slid into bed next to Kiza. "Kiza?"

"Huh?"

"I love you too."

  ----------------------------------------------------------------------

Furry awoke to warmth and moisture between her thighs, pressing up
against her cunny. She looked down to find Kiza licking her tentatively,
kissing her mound with tiny, soft kisses. "I didn't know if... if I was
doing it right."

"You're doing fine," Furry sighed, parting her legs a little further open.

Kiza nodded nervously, but as she slid down to kiss Furry again, Furry
placed her hand over her mound and said, "Wait. What's this all about?"

"I just... I wanted to apologize for last night, and I realized that in
all the times we've been together, you've always been the one who started
things. I know you like making love, Furry, but I know that getting
things rolling is a lot of work, and I wanted to return the favor."

"You don't have to do it this way," Furry said.

"But I want to." Kiza slid a finger under Furry's hand a lifted it away
from her cunny. "I want to give you everything you've given me." She
lowered her muzzle to Furry's mound and reached out with her tongue,
kissing the soft fur that covered her cunny. Furry sighed gently,
feeling aroused just from that little touch, and parted her legs again.

Kiza became bolder, kissing and licking her roommate's cunny with her
tongue out, tasting the sweet juices that spilled easily from Furry. Her
hands reached down and spread Furry's lips further, exposing the pink,
wet skin underneath.

Furry moaned, her body growing warm under Kiza's kisses. The heat
encircled her pelvis like a flow of hot water, swirling with each touch
of Kiza's tongue. Then she remembered...

"Kiza?"

"Huh?" her roommate asked, looking up.

"Could we... could you do something different?"

Kiza's ears seemed to droop a little, but she asked "Like what?"

"Uhm, if you look in the drawer under my bed, you'll find a... a latex
phallus."

Kiza giggled. "You own a dildo?"

"I was lonely!"

"And I'm not enough for you?" Kiza asked as she leaned over the side of
the bed. "I can't get leverage at this angle." She slipped out of bed
and pulled the drawer open. "This it?" she asked.

Furry nodded, the tips of her ears reddening. "Let's just say you aren't
mel enough."

Kiza knelt down between Furry's legs. "You know, you could always have
gone and found a boyfriend," she said, teasing the head of the latex
toy along Furry's lips, coating in her juices.

"I was already busy enough," Furry gasped, feeling the dildo pressing
against her labia.

"I know," Kiza said. She pressed the dildo in a little harder. Furry
moaned and parted her legs even further. The head slid between Furry's
labia and finally disappeared within her, sinking into her cunt. She
gasped. "Like that?"

"It feels weird," Furry admitted.

"Why?"

"Because I'm used to controlling it," Furry replied. "It feels like I'm
being fucked by a disembodied dick."

"You are," Kiza pointed out.

"But usually, I'm holding it in my hand, and it's not so... alien. It's
just something I'm doing. Masturbating."

Kiza reached down and took Furry's hand in her own, leading it towards
her clit. "Now, you play with yourself while I fuck you silly, then."

"It's a deal," Furry gasped. Kiza began stroking the toy back and forth,
watching with her own fascination as Furry's lips expanded and receded,
following the stroking dildo in and out. Furry's hands played over her
clit, and Kiza felt surprise as she watched how intent Furry's hands
were on her clit, how rough and mechanical almost. It looked as if she
were trying to rub it off.

"Harder," Furry gasped. Kiza began to stroke the dildo in earnest,
almost afraid of pushing to hard and too deep, hitting the back wall of
Furry's cunt and hurting her. Kiza's arms began to burn with the effort;
it was taking Furry a long time to come, and the strength she needed to
keep pushing that dildo back and forth was not something that came with
sitting at a CAD station all day.

"I'm close," Furry gasped. Kiza took that as a hint and redoubled her
efforts, until suddenly Furry's body shuddered and twisted, a loud "Ohh!"
escaping her lips as she came. Her legs tensed and thrashed slightly.

And then laid back out flat on the bed again, panting. "Oh, Kiza."

"Did I do good?"

"You were perfect," Furry admitted. "I think I shall be sore until
Nickolai gets here." Furry gasped, clamping her hands over her muzzle,
shocked at what she had just said. "I'm sorry."

Kiza smiled. "That didn't hurt me nearly as much as I was afraid it would.
I don't think I'm afraid of losing you, Furry. I know I'll be able to
go on."

Furry sat up and hugged her roommate warmly. "I'm glad you feel that way."

"I am too. It makes sense, now. I'm sorry for being such a horrible mess
last night."

"We all lose it sometimes, Kiza. I'm sure even Shardik does."

"You would know better than me," Kiza admitted. "Come on, I didn't get
nearly as clean as I should have last night, and I'm sure you want to
take a shower too."

"Maybe I'll use the shower massage on you," Furry said.

"Mmmm... is that a hint?"

"Do you want one?"

"Yes!" Kiza's eyes lit up.

"Then let's go." Furry kissed her on the cheek softly, and they crawled
out of bed and into the shower.

  ----------------------------------------------------------------------

  Dearest Nickolai,

  Kiza and I had a fight the other day. I guess you would say it was a
  small fight. It was over you.

  She's afraid of what's going to happen to her when you get here;
  she doesn't know what she's going to do with her life. In a lot of
  ways she's right; I know her pretty well, and I'm the only stable
  relationship she's ever had. Even her parents weren't that good to her,
  you know, the "benevolent neglect" sort.

  And I have to admit that I do love her, even when I'm feeling protective
  of her. She needs somebody, but I don't think she's likely to be
  dependent upon someone. She's just lonely.

  We made up, but it took a really bad night to do it, although the making
  up the next morning was very sweet. I know you probably won't get a
  chance to turn this letter around before you board ship to get here,
  but remember to tell me what Garth and what's-his-name (Fosten? Foster?)
  does with that wording. I know you're telling them.

  I just want you to know all this in case she acts very weird around
  you, because while I do love you very much, I don't want her to get
  hurt in the process. If she has to be hurt to let me go, I want to do
  it as gently as possible.

  I can't believe you're going to be here in less than a month. When I
  lie in bed, I think of you, and my hands will stray along my thighs
  and I'll open my legs and my fingers will press against my mound and
  they'll get all moist and I'll dream of you and...

  I'm horrible, aren't I?

  Love you so much,

  Jofuran.

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Original document is available from:
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The Journal Entries of Kennet R'yal Shardik, et. al., and Related Tales
are Copyright (c) 1989-2000 Elf Mathieu Sternberg. Distribution limited
to electronic media not-for-profit use only. All other rights are reserved
to the author.
