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Tuck of the Draw -*- Copyright 2000 by Ellen Hayes.

Any resemblance between the writings in this work, and any actual
persons or places, living or dead, are purely coincidental, except when
used for satirical purposes.

This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and
possibly sex.  If you are legally not allowed to read materials
containing such things, then you will be breaking the law by reading
this.  I am not responsible.
Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it
in any format means that you explicitly affirm that you are legally
allowed to possess and read such materials in your city, county/parish,
state, and country.

All rights reserved.  See the bottom for distribution rights.


Tuck of the Draw


***
20:51 27 Jun

     I didn't even think about Travis holding my hand until Stella
started whining to inform me that she had emptied something into her
diaper again.
     "Sorry," I said, smiling nervously, "but um, but she needs to be
changed."
     "Oh, okay," and he got up and pulled my seat out for me.
     I went to the women's room, changed Stella, washed my hands, redid
my makeup, and came out to find him waiting for me with the stroller.

***
20:54 27 Jun

     "So what do you want to do now?" Travis asked me as we left, me
arranging baby and baby gear around.
     "Um... I dunno.  I have to keep her out until about eleven," I
reminded him, "and I don't want her so excited she explodes.  Apparently
that happens to some babies."  He chuckled.  "So a movie is out...
dancing is out, music is out... um..."  I tried to think.
     "Um, last week," he mentioned, and I looked at him.  He looked kind
of embarrassed.  "Um, do you know that band?  The one that was playing?"
     "Huh?  Oh, yeah, I met them at this dance place one night, and they
got me to come out and hear 'em play, and I started liking 'em."
     "Cool," Travis commented.  "Do they have an album out yet?"
     I grinned.  "Not like you'd find it at Wal-Mart, but I've got a
tape out in my car.  That I bought from them," I added.

***
21:02 27 Jun

     It was amazing how much rain there could be, falling out of the
sky and onto the ground.  Unfortunately, the mall was closing in half an
hour - most of the shops had already closed -  but it didn't look like
the rain would stop anytime soon.
     "You didn't bring an umbrella, did you?" Travis asked.
     I sighed.

***
21:06 27 Jun

     I loaded the baby stroller into the back seat of Travis' Blazer and
then climbed up into the front with Stella still in the sling.  "Thanks
for doing this," I said to a very well soaked Travis.  I felt bad about
it, but he hadn't asked me, he'd just told me to stay there and then
left before I could argue.
     "So," he asked, "do I take you to your car, or what?"
     "Well, I can't go anywhere without the car seat for Stella here," I
reminded him.
     "Um," he said, and stopped.  I looked at him, and he was staring
ahead.  Finally, about the time I was going to nudge him to unstick his
I/O - it works on humans - he said, "Um, well, we could talk for a
while.  And then maybe the rain would stop, and you could get in your
car without getting soaked."
     I thought about that for a minute.  "Okay, but let's get over to my
car so we won't have so far to go, and so I don't have to worry about
someone breaking into it after the mall closes.  Or the mall towing it
away."  And other reasons I didn't want to mention to him out loud.

***
21:15 27 Jun

     I was looking at Stella, and smiling, because she was quiet as she
napped in the sling.  I really liked quiet babies, on account of they
weren't that way enough when I had to take care of one-
     Travis said something I missed, and I looked up and asked, "What?"
     He smiled self-consciously.  "I, I just, I mean-"
     "Whatever you said, I missed it," I said, smiling back to show him
I wasn't upset.
     "Um..." he said, and thought about repeating whatever it was for a
while.  "You just really look motherly like that, looking at her."
     I shrugged, mildly embarrassed.
     "Really beautiful," he added.
     "What?!" I said before I could stop myself.
     "I mean like a painting or something," he amended hurriedly.
     Now I was confused again.  "What?"
     He sighed, and looked out the windshield to think.  "I just... I
mean, it looks like a painting or something.  Or it should be.  Did you
ever see like the old Renaissance paintings?  Like Rafael?"
     "Or Donatello?" I said, resurrecting some data about turtles.
     "No, not really him," Travis said like he actually knew what he was
talking about.

***
21:17 27 Jun

     "Anyway, that's sort of what you looked like, sitting there and
looking at her," he finished.
     "Um, thanks I guess," I said.  What do you say to someone who just
compared you to five hundred year old paintings?
     "It WAS a compliment," he assured me.
     "Okay...  Really?  I really look like that?" I added.
     "Yeah."  He was making me blush.  "Even more when you do that."
     "Stop that!" I complained, trying not to giggle.

***
21:34 27 Jun

     "I just, I mean, I just wasn't expecting it, and I freaked out when
it happened.  I mean afterwards, I mean."  I stared at my shoes which
were finally drying off.
     Travis touched my hand unexpectedly and I gasped.
     "Val I'm-"
     "I'm sorry-"
     We made faces at each other.
     "I didn't mean to jump," I went first this time.  "I was just...
just thinking."
     "I didn't mean to scare you-"
     "I know.  You didn't, really..."  They were almost dry.  "I... I
just wasn't expecting it."
     "Val?"  I looked up at him.  "I... I..."  He made another face and
shook his head.  "Do I, should I apologize for that night or not?"
     "Um..."  I couldn't look at him right now.  "No, I guess not," I
decided eventually.  "I was sort of drunk, and all..."
     And Debbie and Lisa had taken me home, and Debbie had held me as I
cried, and THAT was never going to happen again-
     "Val?" Travis butted in, sounding more worried than before.  "Why
are you crying?"
     I couldn't explain it to him, and he couldn't figure it out, but he
could hold me.

***
21:56 27 Jun

     "Something else," I finally told him.  "Nothing to do with you,
really, I swear."
     "I'm sorry... sorry," he said before I could tell him again it
wasn't him, "that something, that you hurt that bad."
     "Thanks," I sniffled.

***
22:04 27 Jun

     "I feel so stupid sometimes," I said.
     "Me too," he lied.
     "You?  Why!  You've got everything, I mean..."  I didn't really
expect him to start laughing, or chuckling bitterly is more like it.
     "I guess we've all got our problems," he said.
     "Not like me, not like these," I said without much thought.
     Pause.
     "If you want to talk about it, or not," he emphasized.
     Another pause.
     "Thanks..." I said, trailing off because I couldn't think of
anything else to say.  And because my legs were cramping.  I twisted
around a little, trying not to disturb things.

***
22:06 27 Jun

     Scrambling over the seats to get to the back was harder with a baby
than it was normally, but I managed pretty well on my back, only
clonking my head when I slithered backwards over the last seat into the
cargo area. Stella giggled, which figured.
     "You okay?" Travis asked.  "That sounded like you hit your head
pretty hard."
     "It's okay," I tried not to gasp, occupied in pushing myself the
rest of the way over.  "Just my head."  Thump went the fat part as my CG
finally made it.
     "JUST your head?" he questioned.
     "And not the baby," I amended.  "Thou shalt not damage thy
babysitting subjects."
     Eventually, as I pulled myself upright, glad I had worn jeans, he
said, "I can understand that."  He handed me a blanket, all folded up,
and I put it behind me like he'd done with another one.  It was still
sort of cramped, but we had enough room to wriggle around and stretch,
if we were careful not to kick the baby.

***
22:08 27 Jun

     "I never have figured out why you keep asking me out," I told him.
"I'm not that interesting."
     "Yes you are!" he disputed.  I shook my head.  "What do you read?"
he challenged me.
     "Travis, that's not important-"
     "It is to me," he said firmly.  "And you read some of the same
stuff I do.  Do you know how rare that is?  Hell," he mentioned before I
could, "do you know how rare it is to find someone that READS?"
     "Yeah but, I mean..."

***
22:14 27 Jun

     "Well, yeah, I like you," I admitted.  "I just... I don't know what
to do with you."
     *Oh God,* I thought when I realized what I'd said.  As if the
thought had triggered it, Travis looked the other way and tried to
smother laughing in his hand.  "That's not what I meant!"
     "I know, I know," he said, not looking at me.  "It's just funny.
I'm not even going to say anything about it."  I sighed, deeply, but he
didn't say anything about it.  Instead, he said, "I like you too,
Valerie.  I just don't know why you keep avoiding me."
     "Avoiding you?"

***
22:20 27 Jun

     We'd gotten quiet, and Stella was asleep or faking it really well.
     "Are you having fun?" Travis finally asked, breaking the silence.
     "Yeah," I admitted softly.  "This is cool."
     He was quiet after that, and eventually I looked at him.  He was
staring out the back window at nothing in particular.  "What are you
thinking?"
     "...  How much I like this," he finally said.  "Just being here
with you.  It feels... comfortable."
     "Yeah," I smiled in agreement.  It was.
     Long pause.
     He finally looked at me, and I hadn't looked down yet.  "What're
you thinking?" he asked.
     "I'm not thinking at all," I admitted, and he chuckled.  "I've been
looking at you."
     "Why?"
     "Just watching you..."  I shrugged.
     He slowly reached out and put his hand over mine, and I turned up
my palm and squeezed.
     "Valerie?"
     "Yeah?"
     He was silent for a while.
     "What?" I prompted.
     "Can... I'd like to kiss you, now," he stated.
     That sped up my heart rate instantly.
     But that wasn't a bad feeling.  At least, not now.
     "Can, can we stop if I need to?" I asked.
     "Of course," he said, sounding vaguely insulted that I'd said it.
Before he could say anything else, I leaned over and kissed him.  It was
kind of short, but I meant it.

***
22:23 27 Jun

     We'd made sort of an improvised cradle for Stella, out of a
blanket, and I laid her down in it, still in the sling.  She smiled and
rolled over, sort of.
     "You look so motherly when you do that," Travis observed.
     I turned back to him.  "Do you mind, kissing someone who looks like
that sometimes?"
     "Not if it's you."
     I squirmed against him, and smiled at him.  "Where were we?"
     "I think we were kissing," he said.
     "Right."  I kissed him again, slowly.

***
22:37 27 Jun

     I suddenly remembered the phrase I'd been trying to think of, at
the same time I remembered where it was from.
     'Tickling the dragon's tail,' from manually testing almost-
critical masses of uranium back in the forties.  Very dangerous stuff.
     "Val?" Travis asked huskily, and I opened my eyes as he pulled
away.
     I breathed, "Don't stop..."

***
22:39 27 Jun

     "Valerie?" Travis said.  Him talking meant he wasn't kissing me,
which is what I wanted at that point, so I pulled his head towards me
again.  "Mmmmm," he said as I kissed him some more, then pulled back.
"Don't you have to take her home now?"
     "What?"  He pointed at the baby.  "Oh."  I checked my watch.  "Um,
yeah... I guess..."  I wasn't too enthusiastic about that idea.
     "Maybe we could get together later, like tomorrow or something?" he
suggested.
     "You want to?"
     "Yeah!" he answered, as I realized it was a stupid question.

***
22:43 27 Jun

     The rain had stopped without either of us noticing, and so loading
Stella and her support gear back into my car was simple and easy.
     "Can I call you?" Travis asked as I shut the passenger door.
     "Um... let me call you instead?" I hoped.
     "Sure... want to write the number down?"
     "It's only seven digits," I grinned.
     He didn't believe me, but he rattled it off and I stored it.  Then
I hugged him and bent his head down, and he did what I hoped he would
and kissed me again.  When we stopped, I was sort of weak in the legs
and the rest of me, so I leaned my head against his chest.
     "You sure you can remember?" he asked, so I repeated the number
back to him.  Sort of breathlessly, but that was because of the kiss.

***
22:46 27 Jun

     *Oh, Christ incarnate, I KISSED him,* I realized at a stoplight.  I
mean, I knew what I was doing, sort of... I just hadn't thought about
what it meant.
     *Oh shit oh shit oh shit...*
     And there weren't enough lies in the world to cover up the fact
that I wanted to do it.  I STILL wanted to kiss him.

***
23:03 27 Jun

     I knocked on the Parkers' door, and eventually someone I didn't
recognize opened it.  "Hello," he said.
     "Hi," I said, and held up Stella.  "Someone here ordered a baby?"

***
23:07 27 Jun

     I had never asked what Miz Parker did for a living.  I guess she
had something to do with a gallery, because that's what everyone was
talking about, and that's what Miz Parker was talking about with a
couple of people as I handed off baby stuff.  I was happy to notice that
most of the hors d'oeuvres were gone, with just scraps remaining on the
plates.
     "Thank you so much, Valerie," she said as she hoisted Stella out of
my sling.  "She looks happy, and quiet," she emphasized.

***
23:10 27 Jun

     I wondered what time Amy was getting home, but she hadn't said
anything to me about me waiting for her, and I knew she had my pager
number.
     At least, I hoped she did.
     Anyway, there wasn't anything to do but remember what had just
happened.  I couldn't forget it, anyway.  And try and make sense out of
it, a little- no, a LOT too late.

***
23:27 27 Jun

     "Rachel?"
     "Yeah?" she asked, turning around.
     "Can I talk to you?" I asked, crossing my fingers.  I was very
confused, and I didn't want to talk to any of the people I usually used
to sort out my head.
     "Sure, what about?"

***
23:38 27 Jun

     "Well, maybe you are bisexual," Rachel suggested.
     "But I never liked guys before him," I countered, hugging a pillow
tightly to me, like it would somehow offer protection.  I knew it was
stupid, but every time I tried to let go of it, I'd find myself grabbing
it harder in moments.
     She shrugged.  "Maybe you just wouldn't admit it before now?"
     "But, why wouldn't I admit it?"
     "For the same reason you're freaking out over it now, you feel
guilty about it?"
     *Damn.  I should go to her instead of Sheila,* I thought.  "You
think?"
     She shrugged again.  "I don't know... you're the only one who could
answer that, correctly."
     She even refused to answer direct questions like Sheila did.

***
23:44 27 Jun

     She shrugged.  "It seems pretty simple to me," she said.
     "Simple?!" I protested.
     "Yeah, really, down at the bottom," she replied.  "Just, first, do
you want to do things like kiss him or not?  And secon-"
     "That is NOT the entire issue!"
     She gave a funny look.  "Yeah, basically, it is.  I mean, at least
you could figure out if you want to do it again or not.  The rest of it
is just sort of elaboration."
     Damn.  She DID kind of have a point there.
     "And second," she continued, "you're gonna have to figure out if
you want to tell him the whole story at some point."
     "What whole story?"
     She pointed at me.  "Y-  I bet he's not expecting you to, to, to be
like you are," she said, delicately avoiding saying it out loud.
"Because if you don't, there's only so far it can go."
     "Oh God, I hadn't even thought of that," I moaned.
     She shook her head in amazement.  "Are you sure you know what
you're doing?"
     "No!  That's why I asked you!"
     "Oh, right," she said, nodding.  "Um..."
     Now I knew why 'despair' was a verb, because I felt myself despair
of ever figuring things out, right that instant.

***
23:49 27 Jun

     "Valerie?" she said to me as I started to walk out.  "I know you're
really confused and everything right now."  *You have no idea,* I
thought.  "Just," she continued, "just think about it, alright?  You
don't HAVE to do anything more with him than you have.  But, think about
it before you do anything else, even before deciding whether to call him
or not, okay?  If you want to do it, then you want to, and you should at
least acknowledge that.  But you don't HAVE to go any further with him,
if you don't want to."
     "Okay," I admitted.  "Um, thanks..."
     "Sure, no problem.  You still have my number, if you want to call,
right?"  I nodded.  "Okay.  Get some sleep, and don't worry about it too
much, alright?  It's not the end of the world or your life to do it a
few times, and you can always change your mind about what you want to do
in the future, right?"  I had to nod agreement.  "So just think about
it.  And call me if you need to talk about it some more."
     "Okay, thanks Rachel," I said sincerely.  She gave me a hug, which
I desperately needed.

***
00:46 28 Jun

     Of course, saying 'What's done is done; I can change my mind later'
is not the same thing as actually being able to let go of the thoughts
and sleep, which is what I couldn't do at the moment.  Amy had had no
problems falling directly into a coma, which was kind of annoying on the
one hand, but a real blessing on the other, because at least she
wouldn't ask me what I was thinking about when she was unconscious.

***
01:14 28 Jun

     Noodling around on the keyboard seemed to help me think, a little
bit.  Or maybe it just kept me from panicking, I dunno.

***
01:34 28 Jun

     Travis was a guy.  I was, technically, also.  That made what I was
doing homosexual.  That part was easy.
     The hard part was figuring out what the mitigating factors did to
things.  I was dressed like a girl every time I'd seen him, so as far as
he knew, I WAS a girl.  My biology was all confused about what I was,
too.  And everyone had told me that just being kissed would make you
react, and usually positively to it.  Plus all the other stuff he said,
about me looking nice and every other compliment he'd said.  That was
nice to hear, especially since I wasn't talking to Debbie any more, and
there wasn't much hope of dating someone else anytime soon either.
     *Was I just doing this with Travis to get back at her?* I wondered.
     I thought about that for a while - I could be nasty sometimes, and
me doing something to hurt someone that had hurt me that bad was always
a possibility - but finally decided that if that was it, that I wouldn't
have cared that much.  Or liked it as much as I did.
     And I did like it, which sort of pissed me off.  I mean, this is
not what I had in mind for my life.
     Then again, nothing lately was what I had in mind for my life.

***
02:10 28 Jun

     I guess Rachel was right, in a way.  The 'what should' and 'what
does this mean' and all those sort of questions just made you insane
after a while, especially if you were trying to answer them yourself,
from inside the problem.  I had no idea about what I was any more.  I
was pretty sure I was human, still, but that was about as far as it
went.
     Digging around on the web told me that it wasn't too uncommon for
teen males to have this sort of experience some time in their lives.
Nothing really addressed what _I_ was doing, of course, or at least not
what I could find.  The closest I could come, was all about people who
wanted to go the other way voluntarily, which was not really what I
wanted to do.  And of course that brought up the question of what DID I
want to do about my insane demonic personal biology, and I didn't know
what to do about that either.
     But, I did want to see Travis again, and I did enjoy kissing him,
and I was sort of looking forward to trying it some more.  Which was,
like Rachel had said, the basic point of the whole thing.

***
02:31 28 Jun

     Then all I had to do, was deal with the ramifications.

***
03:00 28 Jun

     *Fuck it all,* I finally decided.  *I am tired, and I am going to
bed.*  I was and I did and I didn't think any more for a long time.

***
08:09 28 Jun

     "Guhhhh?"
     "Tuck!  Wake up!"
     "Aannnggghhhhhh!" I yelled at him over the phone.
     "Yeah yeah yeah, did _I_ tell you to stay up that late?  Get up
before me and Kim come over."
     "Uhnh."
     He took that as acknowledgement, because he hung up.

***
09:04 28 Jun

     "So what did you get me for my birthday present?" Mike asked,
grinning at me.
     "You'll find out," I grumbled, irritated because I hadn't fooled
him.
     Kim's eyebrows spiked up and her eyes bugged out and her mouth
opened but nothing came out, and I got the impression she had forgotten
about it, if she'd ever known it.
     "Besides, it's a month away," I pointed out for everyone, and she
sighed silently in relief.
     "So you haven't forgotten yet," Mike said without looking at Kim.
     She gaped at him, then tried to hit him - which he parried - and
screeched, "Stop DOING that!"
     I laughed, and then for some reason I remembered, far too late,
what we were SUPPOSED to be doing this morning.  "Oh shit," I let out
without thinking.
     "Tuck?" Mike asked.
     "C'mere," I told him.

***
09:06 28 Jun

     "You're WHAT?" Kim stared.
     "Going to the gun range today," I repeated.  "And Dad said if you
two wanted, you could come, and Dad and Mike could teach you to shoot,
if you wanted."
     "It's fun, Kim," Mike nudged.  "And Amy and Susan are going."
     "Going to lose," I said for Susan's benefit as she came into the
living room.
     "You wish," she grinned at me.  "YOU have been too busy to
practice, this year."
     Uh oh.

***
09:40 28 Jun

     Dad had gone into the office with a collared shirt on, to pay range
fees and buy some extra ammo for Kim, but he came out wearing a T shirt
that I knew what it said.  "Oh God," I moaned.  "Not that one again!"
     "I don't like it either, Eugene," Mom sighed as Mike started to
snicker.
     "What does it say?" Kim asked from the back seat.  I couldn't say
it out loud, so I just pointed.
     Eventually, Dad turned enough to where she could read it: it said
LEFTIST GUN NUT in really big letters on the back.
     "Ahahahahaha!!!!" Kim howled and started banging on my seat.

***
09:47 28 Jun

     "So what-" Kim started to ask, as I popped open one of the big
plastic cases, and started pulling the foam apart and handing out
Galils.
     It had been Dad's idea long ago to hook small radios to ear buttons
and stuff those under the big muffs, so we could hear each other talk,
and put in a cutoff for loud noises - I'd stolen the idea myself later
on - so I could hear Kim hiccuping as Susan did the same thing with the
other case.
     "The sad thing," Dad said casually, "is that these are made in the
same country that makes the Epilady."  I winced; Brian and I had gotten
one for Mom a few Christmases ago, and had been embarrassed as hell when
we had to take it back because Mom refused to use it.
     "Of course," Dad went on, "it makes a certain kind of sense too..."

***
09:51 28 Jun

     Dad was having fun, I was sure, teaching Kim the rudiments of gun
handling over on the pistol side, but I was starting to get a little
nervous.  I mean, I'd get twenty even if I came in last - that was Dad's
rather hefty bribe for coming out here for half a weekend day, instead
of running off elsewhere to get away from each other - but first place
in total scoring was a hundred bucks, and now Mike was competing too.
     "Ten shots, two minutes," Mom reminded us.
     A lot nervous.
     "You all suck," Brian said, trying to psych us out.  I dunno about
anyone else, but it worked on me.  I gave up.  *At least I get twenty
dollars,* I sighed.
     "Clear on the left, clear on the right, clear in the middle," Mom
had not apparently been too fond of guns when they got married, but Dad
had trained her like he'd trained us.  "Commence firing!"
     Brian got off the first shot, and I didn't know if that was a
psych-out move or if he was really that confident, but I bent to the
sight and concentrated.  Susan was right, I needed the practice anyway.
     The sight was dipping and swooping around, worse than I remembered,
but I just waited and squeezed, and eventually the shot popped off.  I
wrote it down on the spotter pad as nine-two, that being about the nine
ring at two o'clock, and went back to aiming the next one.

***
09:57 28 Jun

     Mom pulled back from the spotter scope and rubbed her eye.  Having
Mom score the shots had kept a lot of the arguments from happening, or
at least from happening at the gun range.
     "Well?" Brian asked impatiently.
     "Brian, you got eighty-four," she announced, leading to a whoop
from Brian.  "Shush," she told him.  "Eugene, you got an eighty-one;
Susan has a seventy-eight, Amy had a fifty-two, and Mike, you got a
fifty," she said sympathetically.
     Mike said, "Darn," about the same time Amy and I said, "Wow."

***
10:01 28 Jun

     Ten more, standing, which was not my best 'event'.

***
10:12 28 Jun

     "Eugene, you got an ninety-four this time," Mom smiled.
     "Nuh uh!" Brian protested as I looked stupid.
     "'Deadeye' Tucker," Mike said as he slapped me on the shoulder.
     "You sure you scored MY target?" I asked Mom.
     She gave me the Evil Eye.  "I'm sure."

***
10:15 28 Jun

     "Ten shots, two minutes," Mom said.  This stage was harder, being
at three hundred yards.  On the other hand, the sight had a setting for
that.

***
10:24 28 Jun

     "Brian, eighty-one," Mom announced, and he whooped again.  "Mike
and Susan tied at seventy-six, Eugene got a seventy, and Amy got a
sixty-six."
     "Two forty five," I mused.  "Not bad."
     "What'd I get?" Susan asked.
     I thought about it.  "Um, two thirty.  I thought you said you'd
been practicing."
     "Pistol," she sighed.  "What's Brian at?"
     "Two forty five-" Mom said.
     "Jeez, I'm tied with him," I realized.
     "For now," Brian leered.
     "Want to take a break before the next round?" Mom asked.  There was
general agreement, so we hustled rifles out to the car while Mom
switched channels to tell Dad.

***
10:30 28 Jun

     "NINE bulls-eyes!" Brian crowed to Dad, who grinned and clapped him
on the shoulder.  The rest of us cleaned rifles energetically, because
Dad would deduct twenty points if they were dirty afterward.
     "This is WEIRD," Kim asserted, looking dazed as Mom handed her a
Diet Coke.  "Thank you," she said politely.  "How often do you do this?"
     "Twice a year," Mom answered.  "Bill insists."
     "Not often enough," Brian added.
     "Not often enough?" Dad repeated, sounding amazed.  "Do you know
how much I had to pay to reserve the range this morning?"  Susan made a
rude noise at Dad, but he missed seeing her mouth move, and we all
looked innocent when he tried to figure out which of us it was.
     Kim shook her head as she sipped.  Mike said, "Wait 'til the next
half."
     "That reminds me," Dad said, and Brian groaned.
     "What?" Kim asked.
     Dad grinned, and showed her the brass he'd saved.  "They load each
other's magazines, like I showed you how to do, except each one gets an
empty shell or two.  Then we shuffle them before we hand them out."
     "Wh-" Kim finally got out, about the time Susan butted in and said,
"So we get practice clearing malfunctions."
     Kim leaned over to ask Mike a question, but she forgot she was
wearing a radio, because we all heard her whisper, "Are they all this
crazy?"
     As we laughed and Kim blushed, it was Brian who said, "You ain't
seen NUTTIN' yet!"

***
10:45 28 Jun

     "Clear on the left!" Dad said sharply.  Two magazines, with ten
shots divided some way or another and the empty shells to jam things up,
and 'rapid' fire at ten yards.  And silhouette targets.  "Clear on the
right!  Clear in the middle!  Shoot!"
     I drew and shot once, twice-  "Damnit!" as the third one didn't go.
I popped the magazine out and back in, tilted it sideways and racked the
slide, sending an empty case shooting out, before I went back to firing.
     *Three four-*  The slide locked back.  "Damnit!"  I dropped the
magazine and ducked as I grabbed the spare out of the carrier on the
other side and slammed it in.  Dad would also take off ten points if we
stood around like idiots while reloading.  I stood back up and started
shooting again, counting, *Five, six-*  Dud!  "Bugger!"  Mag-tilt-rack,
back on target, BOOM.  *Seven-*  Click.  ANOTHER dud.  "Sh-"

***
10:47 28 Jun

     "Eugene, you're tracking too far right," Dad told me as we all
stood around and sweated as we loaded magazines again.  Pistol shooting,
at least the way Dad did it, would make you frustrated and ill.
     "You're gonna lose," Brian told Susan, who just laughed.  The two
of them had tied at ninety-four.

***
11:02 28 Jun

     Kim had come back from the rifle section, claiming pain and wanting
to see Mike again, and just in time to see us start the last stage.
     "See," Dad explained as he blindfolded Brian, "by now, everyone is
tired, their hands hurt, they've had a lot of shots today.  So..."  Dad
checked that Brian's .45 was in the holster and that the laser sight was
on, and then started spinning him around by the shoulders.  "Now I make
them spin around until they're dizzy, and they don't know where the
targets will be..."  He kept spinning Brian, and Mike made a retching
noise.  Dad finally stepped away, about the time I was starting to feel
a little sick myself, and pulled the blindfold off.  "FOUR!" Dad
shouted, and Brian spun dizzily, slamming into the wooden post that held
the roof up before he fired four shots, cleared a dud - slowly, I
thought - and fired the last one.
     "And they don't know what target it is or which way they are
pointing," Dad finished.  "But this round counts double."
     "Dad used to do it twice, but Susan threw up on him one time," I
mentioned.
     "Eighty four," Dad said, and Brian groaned.

***
11:07 28 Jun

     The other problem with the sadistic demon that possessed my father
when he did this, was that if I watched people spin too much, I'd get
sick before I even started.  But it was impossible not to watch.  So it
was better if I shot early.  But Dad would decide, 'randomly' he
claimed, who went when.  So when I went fourth, I was not a happy camper
already.
     Dad let go and pulled the blindfold off, and I could see again, but
everything was still spinning.  "SIX!" Dad yelled and I danced over that
way and put three into the chest area, cleared a dud, cleared another
dud, and fired a fourth before the slide locked back.
     "Damnit!" I cursed as I ducked down and tried to figure out where I
could find another magazine.  *That asshole-*
     "Whoa!  Cease fire!" Dad yelled, and I lifted up enough to put the
pistol on the shelf before I fell on the ground and watched the roof
spin.
     "Tucker," he said, leaning over me.  "You had a misfire."
     "Nooooo," I moaned.
     "Yep.  You have to go again."

***
11:12 28 Jun

     I was far too ill to care how well I did at this point as Dad
started to spin me.  *Don't let me throw up, please don't let me throw
up,* I prayed as the world started spinning in three axes.  *This should
be considered child abuse-*
     "TWO!  Get'em!" Dad yelled, and I tried to go that way as I tripped
over my own foot and fell down.  So did everyone else, screaming,
because I'd already pulled the gun out of the holster.  I wasn't crazy
enough to lose track of where it was pointing, though, so I put the gun
over my head, rolled over twice clonking my head into a roof post,
fired once cleared a dud fired four more times, put the gun on the shelf
above my head, turned the radio off and scrambled to the trash can to
vomit most energetically.

***
11:14 28 Jun

     I raised my head to find Dad looking at me.
     He reached down to my waist and turned on the radio again.  "You
did really well, son," he said apologetically.
     "I hate you," I groaned.
     "Good!  I'm doing it right, then."
     "Bill!" Mom gasped, and they started to discuss things.
     "Unhhhh..."  I leaned back down in case I had more dry heaving to
do.  'Train hard and fight easy' SOUNDED good, until you were in the
middle of training hard.  Especially since I couldn't write my
Congressoid about how vicious he was.  They weren't ALLOWED to do this
to people in basic training any more.
     I waited until I was sure that nothing more was going to come up,
like internal organs I might need later, before I tried standing.  Mom
helped me wipe my mouth before she put a hand on my belt and helped me
walk back to the car.
     "Tuck, you okay?" Mike asked, and I waved at him as he and Kim got
up, concern on their faces.
     "No more spin testing," I groaned.

***
11:18 28 Jun

     Dad had taken the rest of them back to the range for more casual
shooting as I cleaned my pistol and sat with Kim.  I'd come in third,
which sucked a lot, but even not cleaning the pistol at all wouldn't put
me in fourth place.  On the gripping hand, Dad would make me clean it
anyway.
     "Why is he so, so cruel?" Kim asked me quietly.
     I shrugged.  "He's not.  Well, he is, sort of, but it's like those
first aid classes.  Remember how everyone groaned about how CPR cracks
ribs and stuff?"  She nodded.  "But you need to break ribs to do it
right, if you want to have a chance of saving them?"  She nodded again.
"Same idea.  If I can screw up like I did when I'm that sick, and still
put all the shots into an eight-inch spread," which really sucked,
comparatively, "then I can handle doing it when I'm scared out of my
mind or shot already or beaten to shit or something.  It's happened."
     She looked horrified.

***
11:20 28 Jun

     "I'll show you where the hole used to be, before Dad patched it," I
told her.
     "And he just..."
     "Not after I showed him it was loaded, he didn't," I pointed out.
"In fact, he left in a hurry."
     "What did your parents do?"
     I chuckled.  "Mom freaked out instantly, Dad told her to shut up,
and I told Dad what happened.  He thought about it, and then told me it
was a good thing to try a warning shot that time."
     "THAT TIME?" she shrieked.
     "Don't point a gun at someone unless you want to kill them," I
reminded her.
     "What OTHER times?"
     "None- YET," I emphasized.  "I didn't think he'd chase me all the
way home from school then, either.  You never know."
     Pause.
     Eventually, she asked, "How did you run that far if you had the
flu?"
     "I dunno... I spat a lot of mucus up, and snorted drugs all the way
home, but I knew he was serious, so I didn't slow down until I got to
the door.  Hmm."  I'd never considered that.  "'Course, I did have to go
in the hospital after that; I had an asthma attack a bit later, and
people get all panicky when I turn blue."
     "Blue?  Are you exaggerating?"
     I shrugged.  "Not, not really."  It made me sort of panicky too,
actually.  "That's how I know it's a bad one, my fingernails turn this
sort of sky-blue.  That and the fact that the inhalers don't help.
Didn't, I mean.  I haven't had an attack in two years. This is the first
year I didn't have to carry them all the time."
     "I thought you just got tired of carrying that fanny pack."
     "I didn't have to any more, Doc Treble said if I'd gone that long
without one, that I was probably growing out of it."
     "That's good," she commented, still looking deep in contemplation.
     "Yeah."  I let her contemplate.
     Dad had trained me to run away from trouble when I could, because
I'd have less problems if I was cornered, if I had to fight back.
Having breathing problems, of course, interfered with that sometimes,
and I'd gotten in trouble for not running when it looked like I had the
chance.  But not from Dad; just from school.
     *But how DID I run all the way from school if I had the flu?* I
wondered.
     "Why did they let you lock your door like that if you had problems
breathing?" Kim asked eventually.
     "Wh- oh," I said as I realized what she meant.  "Because I have two
panic buttons that open the door.  And Dad has some kind of ammo for the
twelve-gauge that'll blow the door if it's a real emergency."
     "Your family is completely insane," Kim pronounced.
     I shrugged.  "I guess..."

***
11:31 28 Jun

     Susan HAD been practicing, I saw, because her targets had little
spaces punched out, five to a sheet, where she was changing her aim
points.  As opposed to mine, which looked like someone had sprayed them
vaguely towards the center.  What I wanted to know was, how did she take
a gun to college?  I was not sure I wanted to know, though, now that I
thought about finding out, so I didn't ask.
     Mom and Kim were talking about things, I guess, on another channel,
because they weren't shooting any more.  Me, I felt like another box or
so, and of course the way Brian and Susan and Mike and Dad were going at
it, we might be here a while.
     Besides, Dad had already rented the entire pistol side of the range
for three hours - he had to, because people objected strenuously to the
abuse he put us through if they were in the same area and watching us
spin around or whatever it was that time.  Sometimes he did worse
things.  And, not unexpectedly, other people got afraid either that he
would put them through the torture too, or that one of us would
accidentally shoot another customer.  Or that several teenaged kids (us)
would finally rebel and shoot it out with him across the firing line.
Or something.

***
12:49 29 Jun

     "Twice a year," Kim mused over lunch.  Dad was buying, which made
everyone happy.  Even Brian had been relatively happy and therefore not
a pain in the ass.  Of course, he'd beaten Susan, which was the sort of
thing to make anyone happy.  Except Susan, of course.
     "Yep," Mike said.  "Sometimes they take me along, too, if I can
swing it."
     She just looked at him for a minute without saying anything.  Mike
looked back until his hunger got the better of him and he resumed
eating.  Kim looked at me next.
     "What?"
     She shook her head.  "Since when?  How long have you been doing
this?"
     "Since we were five, each.  They wouldn't take us before then," I
answered.  "Mom and Dad, I dunno, except they were doing it before any
of us were born."  I chuckled at a memory.
     "What?"
     "Dad told us a story," I said, and Mom almost instantly protested,
because she knew what I had to be referring to.  "Come on, Mom, it's a
good story!" I complained.
     "Eugene!"
     "What happened was," Dad started, and Mom groaned.

***
12:51 29 Jun

     "I didn't even think about it at the time," Mom admitted.  "I
forgot what I was holding."  Kim slurped a breath in.
     "So Mom turned around," Brian said eagerly, "and started to yell
something at Dad-"
     "Still-" Kim asked.
     "Still holding the pistol in her hand, yeah," Brian said.
     Mom moaned.  I felt vaguely bad, but it was a good tale, and she
deserved it when it happened, and it showed all us Tuckerspawn what
would happen if we got careless.
     The table was silent, as we let Kim stew for a while.  "What?" she
finally asked with gritted teeth, when she couldn't take it any more.
"What happened?"
     Susan intoned, "And Dad broke two of her fingers grabbing the gun
with one hand, and knocked her unconscious with the other one, right
there at the counter."
     "No WAY!" Kim protested, but even Mom was nodding.
     "I felt bad about it," Dad said, which I always thought was a lie,
"but I did it before I thought about it.  And so, we never make that
mistake again."
     "No," Mom agreed, her flush finally starting to fade.
     "That's why he has laser sights turned on on the guns whenever we
do competition shooting," I pointed out.  "Not only do you lose fifty
points if you brush someone with the laser dot, but Dad said he'd beat
any of us with a stick-"
     "Switch, Tuck," Dad inserted.
     "Whatever."
     "We never dared see if he was kidding, either," Susan said.
     "I wasn't," Dad said calmly.
     "_I_ never thought you were," Brian and I chimed simultaneously.
     Kim stated, "You people ARE insane."
     "Yeah," Mike said, "maybe.  But they won't shoot you unless they
mean to, which is sort of comforting."
     "I certainly feel greatly comforted by this," Kim snapped, and Mom
and Dad chuckled.
     "Don' NOBODY mess wit dis family," Amy observed in a fake voice.
     Dad quoted, "And lo, though we walk through the Valley of the
Shadow of Death, we shall fear no evil, for we are the baddest
mumblefumbles in the valley."  He always said it like that so Mom
wouldn't yell at him for saying words in front of us that we all knew at
this point.
     Kim just shook her head.

***
14:09 28 Jun

     "Alright, so if you're all so badass," Kim asked as we sat around
my room, "how come you used to get the shit beat out of you at school?"
     "Because there is about five percent cool people, sixty percent
furniture types, and the other thirty five percent are complete
assholes who kick babies when they can get away with it.  I'm
outnumbered seven to one, and those seven are usually bigger than me," I
finished.
     Kim looked sort of abstracted for a while, until she said, "One
hundred.  How do you do that?"
     "Do what?"

***
14:38 28 Jun

     "Hey Tuck, did you want..."  Susan trailed off as she saw Kim
sitting on my bed.
     "Want what?"
     Susan looked at me.  "Did you want some help with your, your
sunburn?"
     "Oh."  I thought about it.  "Um..."
     "Sunburn?" Kim asked.

***
14:40 28 Jun

     "BWwahahahahahahahah!" Kim said, pointing at my back before
she started pounding on the bed.  "AAHHAh, ahahahahaa!" she added.
     "You have to admit, it was a stupid thing to do, Tuck," Mike
commented.
     "Oh, thanks, I couldn't figure that one out myself," I snapped.
     "Ahahahahaha!" Kim continued, oblivious.

***
14:45 28 Jun

     "So what do we do with this stuff?" I asked Susan.
     "You, stay there and don't move.  We need to try this first...
um..."
     "How 'bout his thigh, about here," Mike suggested, pointing to the
pivot point.
     "Maybe a little higher," I suggested, and everyone looked at me.
"Just in case."
     "Just in case of WHAT?" Amy asked first.
     "I dunno!  Just in case of something I didn't think of!"

***
14:51 28 Jun

     "So how long does this stuff last?" I asked as I came back in
wearing shorts.
     No one answered.  I got chilled as I repeated the question.
     "Um," said Amy, and I knew it was bad news.
     Susan finally sighed, "Three days."
     "Three DAYS!"

***
14:54 28 Jun

     "Maybe we could try a counter-tan," Mike suggested.  "Mask the dark
areas and just burn the light parts, and it'd be even."
     I was almost desperate enough to try it, but Amy, Susan, and Kim
all shouted "NO!" at the same time.
     "That does NOT work," Kim asserted.
     "Why NOT?" I tried not to scream.
     Susan huffed and explained, "Tuck, if you try that, there's always
a little edge that doesn't get tanned, or if you think you can get
clever and overlap, then it gets too much, and then either way you'll
have sort of this outline on you.  It's BETTER, but it still says 'I
have tan lines' and you can still see what you were wearing at the
time."
     "What'm I gonna DO?"

***
15:08 28 Jun

     "Just don't move," Susan warned as she put cream on with a gloved
finger.

***
15:09 28 Jun

     "So how long do I have to wait?" I asked, as Amy taped a gauze pad
over the cream.
     "Two hours or so-"
     "Two HOURS?"  She slapped my leg.  "Ow!"
     "It's got to develop," Susan said, putting the top back on the
tube.  "You oughta wear something over it so no one'll ask questions."
     I sighed.  Mike asked, "So?  What now?"
     "I'm cooking tonight," Amy said.  "And I'm better than Tuck."
     "Hah!" I shouted.  Mike licked his lips.  "Mike, you disloyal pig."
     He put his hands to his stomach and groaned, as if I cared.  "It
hurts so bad," he whined.

***
15:36 28 Jun

     "Sorry," Kim apologized before she gave me a kiss.  "I hate
working."
     "S'okay," I allowed.  She let go of me and grabbed Mike, and they
kissed a lot longer, but I couldn't really blame them.
     I wished I had someone to kiss like that.

***
17:44 28 Jun

     "H-hello?" I stuttered nervously.  "Travis?"

***


"No, Woody Allen was wrong.  Being bisexual gives you two chances to get
told 'No way in Hell!' on a Saturday night." - ehayes



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+ ==[--------   Ellen Hayes   @>--,--'---      ellen@barkingduck.net +
PGP DH/DSS keyfing: 33D4 156A AE39 53E2 0313  6714 2878 56A8 61B0 9CDC
+ http://www.barkingduck.net/ehayes -=[1990]=- vicki .sig virus 11.4 +


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