Chapter 14

	"What?!?"

	Melisa took great joy in surprising me.

	"Susan and Jeremy are teaching a summer seminar together."

	"I'm in the class, Melisa." 

	Dr. Susan Lawren personally told me about the class, a directive to fit it into my summer schedule. Melisa turned a hard look on me for my tone; being a Sibling did not mean she was not a woman. I gave her a small nod as an apology.

	"I'm in the class too," Rachel piped in. She had called to say she needed to move in early due to a change in her summer plans. No one bothered to tell me about the call until it was time to carry her stuff into the house. With two surprises in one day, I was shocked Melisa did not purr.

	The part which caused my initial question was Melisa referring to the class as if Rachel was in it. Rachel's admission proved my assumption correct.

	"How?" I asked staring at them.

	"What do you mean how?" Rachel said, putting the box she was carrying down.

	"Yeah, what do you mean how?" Melisa put her box down too.

	I carried my box into the house, up the steps, and into the double on the second floor. Not a retreat, I was moving to higher ground. Doris Alex was moving things around; she looked up as I put the box on the bed.

	"You might want to take a break," I told her. Melisa and Rachel stormed into the room and threw their boxes down before turning to confront me. I stared at Doris Alex when she laughed; it was edgy with something that had nothing to do with my situation. Catching the look, she hurried out of the room.

	"What the fuck do you mean how?" Melisa came close to raising her voice in an all-out shout. Previously, we had a discussion about my hearing and her shouting. I explained I would not respond to a raised voice. She took it as carte blanche for yelling, shouting, and screaming to her heart's content, only lowering her voice when she was ready to deal with whatever caused her desire to be loud.

	Rachel was looking at Melisa strangely. It did not prevent turning her laser-pure blue eyes on me when I sighed. I sat on Rachel's bed and leaned back. Melisa took a step closer, after a moment of thought Rachel joined her.

	From up close, the differences were striking. Melisa's doll-like features, almost painfully thin at first glance, and Rachel's Californian good looks. Rachel shifted her weight uncomfortably as I studied them. She knew I had wanted her since we met our freshman year. I never bothered to hide it; always willing to drop anything except major schoolwork if she needed something. Melisa cleared her throat; her eyes had the newly familiar shadows I saw whenever we were around Rachel. Melisa was up to something, but I could not fit Rachel's involvement into the puzzle. From my perspective, Rachel was competition for everything Melisa wanted. Had Rachel ever shown any interest in me...

	"Well?" Melisa asked, kicking my foot and making Rachel giggle.

	"Let's see," I replied. "It's a seminar reserved for either Poli-sci or English majors. Rachel is neither, therefore requires special permission from professors whom she doesn't know, has never taken a class with, and who have no reason to give it to her."

	Melisa's blush told the story.

	"Why the hell do you even want to take this class?" I asked Rachel. The class was on political writings: speeches, political editorials, pamphlets, judiciary decisions, etc. Part of the required work was the students going through the same goal-specific creative process.

	"It fills my interdisciplinary and writing requirements," she said sitting down next to me.

	"Shit!"

	"I told you I took a hit. The Dean said this class could save me from having to take three or four other classes."

	"What?"

	"I didn?t take any classes to satisfy non-major requirements to graduate; I was hoping I could use those as easy classes in my senior year. Now, I really can't take that kind of filler. You always said to take classes that satisfied multiple requirements, remember?"

	Rachel was the only person I met in college who took my advice seriously.

	"A double summer session course with writing that is going to be tough for people in the majors is not the best choice to fulfill requirements, Rachel."

	"I talked to the professors. When they heard I lived with Melisa, they told me if you helped I would be okay. Dr. Lawren's portion of the grade is based on the group projects and paper so she promised to put us in the same group. Dr. Ryan said it would be good for Melisa and you to have an academically unbiased point of view? whatever that means."

	Professor Ryan probably did think an academically unbiased viewpoint was a great idea. On the other hand, I could not think of a single reason Dr. Lawren would have allowed Rachel into the class.

					-----


	I walked into the classroom behind the girls. Rachel, realizing how unprepared she was after we bought our books, required a lot of fast talking from Melisa to prevent her from dropping the class.

	Professor Ryan stood by the window staring out at the street. 

	Dr. Lawren sat at the front of the class, leafing through our assigned books. She had skipped a number of grades early in her education, and at twenty-five, she was already being considered for tenure. It made her unpopular among other associate professors, but her books were too well-received for her detractors to get much attention. 

	The other kids in the class were looking around nervously. Some were there for the class work, but most looked at Dr. Lawren and Professor Ryan with academic lust for a good recommendation letter.

	A few people stared at Rachel as we walked to the back of the class. Everyone was acquainted from other classes so Rachel was an oddity. Melisa sat down with Rachel and me bracketing her.
 
	Professor Ryan turned from the window as soon as we took our seats and picked up folders from the desk. Dr. Lawren stood up, put her hands on the desk, and asked us to form a circle. When we finished rearranging the chairs, Professor Ryan handed half the folders to Dr. Lawren and moved to his left to pass the rest out to the class.
	
	As she handed me a folder, Dr. Lawren hesitated before letting go. When I looked up, she smiled and pushed against my grip. Caught by surprise, I looked at the folder. She held it in a strange fashion: in her right hand, thumb underneath, and fingers spread out on top. The grip framed the thick ring with a stone, like a flattened pearl, set into it. On the left side a man stood etched so cleanly the arrogant tilt to his head was unmistakable. On the right side, a woman in the same position, wrists chained, posed with the same arrogance.

	Whatever the differences in Melisa and Dr. Lawren's rings, they stood for the same thing--Dr. Susan Lawren was a Sibling.

	She let go of the folder, turned, and walked to her desk. I could hear Professor Ryan speaking but continued to look at Dr. Lawren. There was challenge in the tilt of her head as we stared at each other.

					------

	It took a long time for Rachel to calm down after our first class. She had run out of our kitchen a few minutes before to get a jump on our class reading. Melisa and I were familiar with the book from another of Dr. Lawren's classes so we would only need to skim through it.

	Melisa was trying very hard to avoid eye contact.

	"Why are the etchings on Dr. Lawren's ring different?" I asked.

	"Susan is different," she replied without looking at me.

	"Continue."

	"She likes to be dominated," she said, somewhat unsure of her words. The Siblings spoke easily of the variety of reasons a Sibling might wear the white ring so Melisa's near-confusion about Dr. Lawren was curious.

	"Don't you?" I asked.

	"I want to be with you, David," she said meeting my eyes. "Susan? you have to make Susan want you."

	She stood up, walked over, and kissed my forehead.

	"Enjoy!"

						------

	I sat in my room, thinking about Melisa. She had planned each of my movements in the preceding weeks: my introduction to the Brotherhood, becoming lovers, Doris Alex and me, Janet's rejection, the threesomes, Dr. Lawren, even my confrontation with the fraternity.

	Though her attack served Doris Alex's intention to get the Brotherhood answers about me, an end result had been to shift the Siblings' trust from the black ring to me--a goal foreign to Doris Alex's worldview.

	The scope of Melisa's manipulations bore the danger inherent in giving someone so much unchallenged control; she needed to learn limits. I stood up and walked into the living room. Melisa, Doris Alex, Michael, and Rachel were socializing around a pizza and the television set.

	"Melisa," I said softly. Everyone turned towards me. "I'd like to talk to you in my room."

						------

	Rachel was pissed. Melisa sat lightly. Dr. Lawren looked fascinated. Professor Ryan made no effort to hide his amusement. The rest of class could sense something beneath the surface, but no one could figure out how to get in deeper.

	I ignored everyone.

	Professor Ryan announced initial appointment dates with our lead professor. I was not surprised they had scheduled me to meet Dr. Lawren later in the day. Melisa confessed a few of her plans could not be changed as they were wrapped around the actions of others, like Dr. Lawren who knew nothing of Melisa's intentions. I looked at my First; she turned quickly towards Rachel to talk about their appointment times.

	Rachel shot me an angry glare.
				
					-----

	Dr. Lawren had a small office, minor payback for her popularity with students and the administration. She gestured at a chair to the right of her desk. I sat down and looked around the room. I wanted to see if I missed something in my previous visits which might have hinted at the secret life of Susan Lawren. It was the same: organized, the stack of books showing a variety of intellectual interests, and backbone of femininity in the decor.

	We studied each other. She was my height, short black hair, and brown eyes. She favored Melisa's build: compact and slim with feminine curves. Dr. Lawren was unquestionably attractive but more for the fierce intelligence and competence she projected than her physical attributes.

	"As unfortunate as I might think it, you and I will not be, Mr. Feather." Her voice dripped challenge.

	"May I ask why, Dr. Lawren?"

	"I have a lot to lose should I be caught in or even should there be rumors I am having an affair with a student," she explained with a smile. Her words said no, but the bead of sweat moving slowly from her neck to the barely hinted at cleavage spoke in many of volumes of yes.

	"I have to admit, Susan," I replied, "I find that unacceptable."

	We spent the rest of the appointment discussing what was expected of me for the class.

				-----

	Dr. Lawren was a crystal globe that shone with a heart of gold coins. None of which I could keep if I shattered the globe.

	I tried from many angles: flowers, good work, bad work, great work, an apple, and unnecessary appointments. She left the door open but remained unavailable. She also teased; sometimes subtly, two buttons loose on her shirt, her shirt pulled out from her skirt, or maybe her hair a little mussed; sometimes, more blatantly, a mini-skirt, perfume, or no bra where she had worn one in class.

	Our appointments something last long enough for the summer night to have fallen when we walked to her car. As I stood holding the car door open, closer to her than I could get in the office, it felt like we were inches from a kiss.

	The Siblings were put through their sexual paces to relieve the physical pressure. I focused on Melisa since she was the one who found a reason to put me in the situation. I wanted Melisa but a majority of the time I was trying to scratch a sexual itch I could not could not quite locate the center of. My First spent most of her time trying to hold in smug laughter so I doubted my lack of focus offended her.

	I wanted Dr. Lawren.

	She told me to call her Susan in private. I continued with her title and last name. She whispered the request with her lips an inch from mine, but the closeness was another tease.

	I gave not a second's thought in the five weeks I studied the globe for cracks to what Rachel thought of the situation. Clearly, something was going on, but I let Melisa handle the explanations. They were spending more and more time together anyway.

	I thought I had made progress when Dr. Lawren began riding our work in class--nothing we turned in was good enough. We were not doing badly enough to fail but being in the class and not getting good grades stressed Rachel. Her fear triggered a change in the tide.

	I came home after another fruitless appointment with Dr. Lawren to find Rachel reading in the living room from the next book we were slated to cover in class.

	"Is anyone else home?" I asked. She smiled knowing what I was really asking.

	"No one is here to service you," she teased. She laughed like I meant her to as I sat down and looked at the books in front of her. The way she had laid them out on the table said she had been studying as if they were textbooks.

	"There are no exams, Rachel," I pointed out. I reached out and caught the book when she threw it out of frustration.

	"I KNOW THAT, DAVID!" She tried to take her anger out on me with her eyes, but there was nothing for her to push against.

	"How do you do it?" she asked.

	"Do what?"

	"Deal with this bullshit!" she said, very close to losing it. "There's no right answer, 'It's how you frame your opinion.' Well, I don't fucking have an opinion about this shit!"

	I waited for her anger to burn down before responding, "I didn't want you in the class, Rachel, because you've never had to think in a classroom setting."

	"Stop!" I said with my hand raised when she looked ready to blow up at me again. "You only took the lower-level language classes, which are about memorization the way you approached them. The science and math requirements were trying to stuff you with knowledge or break you out of a major. You've never had to understand what you were doing."

	"I don't get it."

	"Have you ever put a number through a math equation; this is a, this is b, this is c, do the math, and here's the answer."

	"Yeah, what's your point?" she asked.

	"Did you ever get an answer and know it was wrong? Know exactly what you fucked up?"

	"Sure," she said leaning towards me.

	"Why did you know it was wrong?"

	"Some formulas have certain cancellations which always occur, or there are smaller proven formulas that don't allow certain answers."

	"You understood what was happening in the process so you could recognize when the answer was badly formed. That's the point to this class, Rachel."

	She looked confused.

	"You're not supposed to read all the books and try to memorize what the author spouted," I said smiling. "You're supposed to think about what the author is trying to convince you of, decide for yourself what you think of their arguments, and whether you agree or disagree with those arguments and the author's position."

	"What's the point of that?" she asked clearly frustrated.

	"It teaches you to learn and not to stop until you understand rather than know what the right substitutions are," I said.

	She looked at me like I was missing a large number of brain cells.

	"You want to be a doctor," I told her. She sat back, surprised. "You live and die by your father's opinion but until college you were restrained by your mother's view of a woman's proper role. Exercise science is only a step towards what you really want."

	Her eyes were stunned. I handed her book back, "I don't just listen, Rachel."

	I got up and walked into my room. With no Sibling in the house, it was safe to close the doors.

				------

	"The class thing stops," I said after sitting down.

	"What?" Dr. Lawren asked. She wore a gray shirt with loose buttons and no bra; I focused on her eyes.

	"You're pushing my group unfairly," I said.

	"I think you can do better work, Mr. Feather." Hardness crept into her voice.

	"You involved Rachel, but she doesn't understand what's going on."

	"I did not involve Rachel. Your First involved Rachel," she replied angrily.

	"Rachel has no business in this class. Regardless of Melisa, I doubt Professor Ryan would have let her in."

	"Rachel lives in your house," she said.

	"You should not have let her in the class, Dr. Lawren."

	"Do not tell me how to run my class, Mr. Feather," she said, returning to her angry stance.

	"You are responsible for her now. You want to push me, go ahead, but Rachel doesn't deserve the extra stress because Melisa and you want something that has nothing to do with her."

	She sat back and made a mistake, "Melisa thinks what she has with you is what you had with Jason. Were you boys lovers?"

	She nearly crowed in victory over what she believed was a hard point scored.

	"I held five people responsible for Jason's death, Dr. Lawren," I said. "Through the blood drowning him, he asked me not to kill our... commanding officer. I would have staked the fucker on a cross above Jason's grave."

	Dr. Lawren backed away from her desk.

	"Eusebio Carta paid well for the information about our mission. His second hired a man who ran the woman I gutted in Cancun out of a stable of informants. She seduced our newly minted officer. Being young and stupid, he talked about things he shouldn't have," I stared at her with the coldness I felt during that hunt. "I cut the information broker's throat while he slept and used blood to paint his face like a street whore."

	I smiled remembering the warmth of his blood on my hands.

	"Cutting his throat felt so good, I did it to Eusebio's second. His wife looked peaceful sleeping beside him. Her screams were an hour-long symphony I wrote for Jason." I closed my eyes and heard the echo of screams. "I had Eusebio in my sights when he stopped by the house to investigate. I let him go."

	I opened my eyes to see the fear in hers.

	"He didn't live long after that, but he got to hug his children and wife one last time before I came knocking."

	We sat in silence until the sun set.

				-----


	"I'm sorry, David," Melisa said as I stood staring out my window.

	Memories of Jason were a storm. I did not feel responsible. Jason followed where I led: into the military, into a jungle where he died in my arms.

	I was responsible.

	I turned so she could see my face in profile. It was as far as I had ever been able to turn from the storm when it came.

	"Susan shouldn't have...Jason is not..."

	Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the pleading look on her face, "A Brother is supposed to make things easy for Siblings, right?"

	The shadow of Jason's death darkened my voice. She nodded looking to grasp any lifeline.

	"Do Siblings know how to obey, Melisa?" I asked. There were tears in her eyes as she nodded. I turned back to the storm before finishing. "Do not mention Jason in my presence again."
