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Tuck a Break -*- Copyright 2001 by Ellen Hayes.

Any resemblance between the writings in this work, and any actual
persons or places, living or dead, are purely coincidental, except when
used for satirical purposes.

This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and
possibly sex.  If you are legally not allowed to read materials
containing such things, then you will be breaking the law by reading
this.  I am not responsible.
Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it
in any format means that you explicitly affirm that you are legally
allowed to possess and read such materials in your city, county/parish,
state, and country.

All rights reserved.  See the bottom for distribution rights.


Tuck a Break


***
22:47 11 Jul

     I finally started to cramp up about three seconds before he let go
of me and asked softly, "Val?  Can, can I take you somewhere?"
     "Help me up?" I countered, and he got up and helped me to my feet.
Walking was still a little tricky, so I put an arm around his waist,
which almost reflexively caused one of his arms to hold me around the
shoulders.  I smiled up at him, and asked, "So what do you want to do?"
     He shrugged, still looking a little uncomfortable.
     *Maybe I should-* and then I thought of all the different things I
could do for him, and I realized I wasn't ready for any of them, just
yet.  "Um...um-"
     Oh, wait, there was one that didn't scare me-  "Travis?"  He looked
at me, and I gently and as discreetly as I could, touched his zipper.
He flinched a little, which worried me a lot until I realized he wasn't
pushing me away, he was just looking confused again.  "I, I think I owe
you one?"
     "Wh-  Oh no, no, you don't have to, to-"
     "I want to," I asserted.  "I want to make you feel like I did," I
told him, not really caring that I was blushing.
     "You don't-"
     "I DO!" I insisted.

***
23:28 11 Jul

     I sat on the edge of my bed, and tried to think what I had done
wrong.  There had to be something...
     I'd been willing to at least give Travis a hand job, like-  Well,
anyway, I had appreciated it at the time, and I bet he would have too.
But he went all weird and took me home as quickly as he could - well,
back to the Parkers' place and my own car - and even though he said he'd
page me over the weekend, he wouldn't tell me what had gone wrong all of
a sudden.  Because, something HAD gone wrong all of a sudden, and it
wasn't just me having a-  Well, dry-humping him to orgasm is what I'd
done.  And somewhat deliberately, on my side; at least, I knew what I
hoped would happen when I wrapped my legs around his, this time.
     I thought he would, too.  It hadn't been that long ago.
     I was getting more and more sure it was him, and not me, at least.
     The only thing I could think it might be, was that _I_ had taken
the sexual part of things a lot further than he was comfortable with,
though that seemed almost unbelievable.  He was, I was certain, male.
Stranger things had happened, though, than a guy wanting to wait for
sex.  I guess.  I couldn't think of any at the moment, though.
     It could have been, I guess, that he finally figured out that I
wasn't quite who I said I was.  But then, if he had, he would have
stomped the crap out of me, instead of just taking me back to my car,
and I wouldn't have been worrying about him, I'd have been worrying
about continuing breathing and not bleeding, stuff like that.  And he
sure as heck wouldn't have said he'd call later.  So that couldn't be
it.
     Maybe he was just so upset when I freaked the first time, that he
was afraid I would do it again.  But I hadn't, and I told him why it was
different, at least as much as I could.  I'd think he'd have listened to
me.
     And of course, it was too late to call him when I got home, so I
had to wait until later, or until he paged me.  Or something.
     The waiting might well drive me insane.

***
00:19 12 Jul

     I'd driven myself so far into the computer network that Mike had to
hit me on the head more than once to get my attention back to the real
world.  "Hey, whatsup?" I asked them as I pulled my headset off.
     "We were gonna ask you that," Mike said, as he and Amy sat on my
bed.  "Where were you tonight?"
     "Uh..."  Oops.  Just because my dad didn't care as much where I
went on a Friday night, didn't mean that I was free and clear.  "Ah,
well, Travis invited me out to Teller's to listen to this jazz group,
and I didn't think you guys would want to listen to it."  Nobody else
liked jazz.
     "Just you two?" Amy asked, looking over at me.
     "Well, there WERE a hundred other people there," I said slowly.
     "You know what I mean," she said back.
     "Amy, he's a nice guy, I'm not worried about problems like that."
I grinned.  "Besides, the last time he tried anything childish, I
crotched him, remember?"
     "He might be expecting that if he tries something else," she said.
     "Amy!  It's fine, okay?  I had a nice dinner and we listened to
music that everyone else hates, and I made it home with all my pieces
intact, okay?  What is your problem?"
     Mike said, "I don't like it when you disappear and don't answer
your pager, Tuck."  Amy didn't say anything, she just nodded.
     I sighed deeply, and breathed for a while.  "I turned it off in the
place, so it wouldn't go off during the music.  I won't do that again,
okay?"
     Mike tapped me on the head, and I glared at him.  "It's important,
Tuck," he said slowly.  "You stopped thinking somewhere in there."
     "I did NOT!" I yelled back, because I had been doing exactly that.
     "You did," he insisted.  "Commo is not optional, Tuck."
     I was going to yell at him like he deserved, because I wasn't a
baby, but he grabbed my hands and forced us into a mutual grip.

***
00:21 12 Jul

     "Okay, I won't do it again," I sighed as Mike let go.  "So what did
you guys do?"
     "Saw 'Men in Black'," Amy grinned.  Mike grinned too.
     "Aw man!  Was it good?"  They both nodded.  "But you were going to
go see it again, right?"  They looked at each other, and then they
looked up at the ceiling and started stroking their chins slowly.
"Argh!"

***
00:25 12 Jul

     "Think you can pull yourself away from the jazz tomorrow night?"
Mike asked.
     "Yeah, probably."  One thing I didn't want to do was neglect my-
Ooops.  "Uh, Mike?"
     He glared at me.
     "I, uh, Sabrina was having a sleepover, and me and Amy were
invited..."

***
00:28 12 Jul

     "If you want me to lie to your dad, then you have to spend the
afternoon with me, hanging out," Mike said, like it was the simplest
thing in the world to understand.
     I sighed, and Amy begged me a little more, and so I agreed.
     I used to have time to call my own, but now it seemed like everyone
else had my time.  I wondered if I had gained control of someone else's
time and just hadn't noticed yet.
     "Oh," Amy said, "and Tuck?  Your dad said, about Sunday, that-"
     "I know I know," I groaned.
     "More food?" Mike said, and Amy and I both hit him.

***
09:10 12 Jul

     The alarm buzzed, and Amy turned it off.
     A minute or so later, I finally forced myself upright.  Amy hadn't
bothered to stay conscious any longer than she needed to, to turn the
alarm off.  I hated her for that.

***
09:12 12 Jul

     Travis hadn't paged me yet.  Damnit.

***
09:59 12 Jul

     "Well, hello!  It's been a long time," Sheila said, smiling at me.
     "Hi," I said back, putting on a smile for her as I dropped the
magazine on the table and got up from the couch.
     Travis still hadn't paged me.

***
10:39 12 Jul

     I'd finished telling her what had happened in the two weekends I
hadn't seen her, or as much as I wanted my parents to know about the
last two weekends, but that seemed to be it, and we fell into one of
those awful silences.
     "So how are you feeling?" she asked me.
     "Didn't I just tell you?"  *Weren't you even fucking listening?* I
didn't add.
     "You told me what you did," she said slowly, like I was stupid.
"But you didn't say anything about how you felt."
     "I felt fine!"
     The look on her face said, 'No you didn't'.
     "Okay, then you tell me how I felt," I shot.
     "That's your responsibility," she said calmly back.

***
11:04 12 Jul

     I hated going to her.  I was coming to hate her too.  If it wasn't
that she would call my parents if I didn't show up, I'd skip it
entirely.  But she would.  Damnit.
     There had to be a way to get my parents to agree that I didn't need
to go any more, but damned if I could think what it was.

***
11:37 12 Jul

     I crawled into bed next to Amy, and I had never been so glad she
took that stupid job, because if she hadn't worked the night before,
then she'd have been up and doing something somewhere else, and I'd be
all alone.

***
14:09 12 Jul

     Amy was still asleep when I couldn't sleep any more and had to go
do chores.  I sighed, but at least I'd gotten a nap in.  I felt sort of
better, anyway.
     I wished I could risk calling Travis, but Amy was still sleeping in
my room, and prone to wake up when I made phone calls, and there wasn't
another area in the house that was safe, that I could get to without
someone wondering where I'd disappeared to and trying to find me.  After
sixteen years of me and nineteen of Susan, there was no place in the
house they wouldn't look for me if I couldn't be found, including the
furnace.

***
15:11 12 Jul

     Travis still hadn't paged me.  Or called.  *Maybe he lost the
number?* I wondered, before slapping the thought out of my head.  I was
getting stupid.

***
16:19 12 Jul

     Amy staggered into the kitchen as I finished dumping the mop water
down the sink.  "Mike called," she slurred.  "Wan's go out."
     "Okay, thanks," I told her.  "Go back to bed."
     "No," she told me.
     "Why not?"
     "Wan' go out," she mumbled.
     "What ever," I sighed.  If I felt like she sounded like she felt,
I'd go back to bed.

***
16:21 12 Jul

     "Hey?"
     "HeyMike."
     "Tuck!  Whassup?"
     "Nuthin'," I said, shaking my head for some reason.

***
16:37 12 Jul

     "Here's the money I owe ya," Mike told me as he handed me a small
wad of twenties.
     "Cool, thanks," I said as I stashed it.
     "So what's the plan tonight?" he asked.
     I made sure my bedroom door was shut before I answered.  "Ah,
well... Sabrina said a lot of the girls were having dates tonight, which
means that we're not going to get together until about eleven.  So..."
I shrugged.
     "What's Kim doing?"
     I grinned at him.  "Coming over here about five thirty, by some
straaaaaaange coincidence, why?"
     He glared at me, but he couldn't help grinning at the same time.

***
17:26 12 Jul

     I'd been helping Mom with dinner, since I'd been told I was going
to help Mom with dinner, so I didn't see Kim come in.  I was, however,
aware of her sliding her arms around me from behind and whispering a
very sultry and minty-smelling, "Hello," into my ear.
     "Hi Kim," I said, not able to keep from grinning.
     "Are you fixing us dinner?"
     I shook my head.  "I thought we were gonna go out someplace, 'cause
Mom didn't make enough for the rest of you."
     "Why not?"
     "'Cause I thought we were going out tonight, is why," I told her.
     "Awwww," Kim said softly in my ear, and kissed my neck, and let go.
I went back to chopping bell peppers.
     When I put the chopped peppers into a bowl, Mom was giving me one
of her weird looks.  I thought maybe I had cut them wrong, and then for
one terrible moment I thought I'd cut myself and I was bleeding and
hadn't noticed, but that turned out not to be the case when I checked.
Thank Ghu.  I hate bleeding, especially when it's me doing it.

***
17:31 12 Jul

     Mike took the opportunity offered by Kim's bladder demanding
attention and privacy to ask me, "What the hell do you think you're
doing?"
     "Me?" I protested.  "What?!"  I wasn't THAT obvious about
obsessing over the pager, I knew-
     "Why is she kissing on you?"
     "What?  Like _I_ know?" I snapped at him.  That sort of surprised
him, because he pulled back and looked surprised and stopped bitching.
I went on, a little calmer, like I usually did when someone wasn't
blaming me for something, "Come on, Mike, I wouldn't try and steal your
girlfriend from you, you know that."  I shrugged.  "I don't know what
she's doing either, but I swear, it's not like I'm trying to get her to
do it or anything."
     "Tuck's just too cute," Amy contributed, falling on my bed.
Apparently she had finally gotten ready to go out.
     "That's gross!" Mike and I said at the same time.
     "What's gross?" Kim asked.

***
17:56 12 Jul

     "At least it doesn't look too crowded," I said, turning around.
     Mike and Kim apparently weren't concerned as much about the wait
for dinner as they were about each other, judging by the way they were
about four inches apart and not tracking the outside world at all.
     Amy sighed, and nudged me in the ribs - gently, this time.  "I wish
I had someone to do that with," she sighed to me.
     I shrugged.  "I'm here," I said.  The look she gave me was not
approving.  "Oh, come on, I'm not that bad," I said defensively.
     She made a face.  "Tuck, you know it's not that..."
     "Well, at least we don't have to LOOK alone," I said.
     She thought about that for a while, then slid an arm around my
waist.
     I put a matching arm around her shoulder and said, "See?"  She
poked me.  "Ow, stop that."
     She did, which was surprising, and even more surprising, she put
her head on my shoulder and cuddled close.  "Amy?" I asked, starting to
get really concerned.
     She shrugged without looking at me.  "My period started today,
and..."  She trailed off.
     "Oh, jeez, I'm sorry," I said sincerely.  "We can cut tonight short
if you need to go home or something."
     "Oh, they're not too bad," she admitted.  "I just... sometimes I
don't like going out when I'm having one.  Makes me feel unclean, kind
of."
     "Know what'cha mean," I agreed, and hugged her a little closer.
     We stayed like that for about five seconds, and I was sort of
enjoying it in a not-very-exciting sort of way, just sort of cuddling
with my cousin when she was feeling bad, when she spazzed and disengaged
violently and spun around out of arm's reach.  "What the hell do you
MEAN you KNOW?!" she almost yelled.
     Everyone was looking over at us, too, which sort of cut down the
things I might want to say out loud.  I finally managed to select, "Uh,
what?"
     Amy took a deep breath, apparently to scream at me some more, then
thought better of it because she let it out slowly.  "Tucker," she said,
very softly, as she moved closer, "what do you mean, you know?"
     "About, about..."  She nodded.  "Well, I mean, I've got all these
girl friends, you know, like we're gonna see tonight?"  One in
particular had taught me about periods, but I wasn't going to see her
tonight.  I hoped.  "And so it's not like I don't know what it is, you
know?  So..."
     Amy took another deep breath, and looked at the floor for a moment
before she looked back at me.  "Sometimes, you are just too weird, you
know?"
     "Me?  It wasn't me spazzing," I pointed out, and she poked me.
"Ow, stop that!" I complained.
     "Uh," said Mike as he waved his hand at us, obviously wanting to
know what was going on.
     "Nothing!" Amy and I both told him, and I added, "Really, Mike,
it's not important, and it'd just gross you out."
     Mike looked at me, looked at Amy, looked at me, looked at Amy, got
a clue - I saw it hit him, about the kinetic energy of a snowball - and
then turned back to Kim and started talking about some book.
     "So what do you wanna eat?" I asked Amy.

***
18:09 12 Jul

     "You know what's weird?" Amy asked me as she pushed her body
against mine in the booth.
     There were dozens of weird things she might be referring to, but I
couldn't guess which of them she was thinking of, and I might have
missed several.  "No, what?"
     She looked at me and smiled, sort of a painful smile.  "It's... I
mean, it's easier being with you than a boyfriend, right now, 'cause I
don't have to try and act nice and stuff for him."  She sighed.
     I put an arm around her shoulder, and she snuggled into it and
kissed my cheek, and we stayed like that, looking at our menus for a
while.
     Until Amy said, "Tuck?  They're looking at us."
     I looked up, and Mike and Kim were definitely looking at us, like
they wanted to see what we were going to do next.
     Amy nudged me with her hip to get my attention, and when I looked
over at her, she grabbed my head and kissed me.  So I kissed her back.
Then she stopped, sighed, looked at me sadly, and moved so she was
cuddling against my front.  I shifted a bit and stroked her back gently
when I could.
     "They didn't used to do this," Mike told Kim, "I swear.  It used to
be you couldn't even tell she was a girl until she pissed on your foot."
Amy chuckled into my chest, which hurt a little from the vibration.
     Kim asked Amy directly, "Amy, what the hell are you doing?"

***
18:11 12 Jul

     "Oooh, sorry," said Kim as she made an unhappy face.  Mike just
made an unhappy face.
     "So it just makes me feel better," Amy said from her position of
clinging to me like a baby monkey.
     Kim looked over at Mike, and he didn't catch it for several
seconds.  When he did, though, he protested, "Hey, I dunno anything
about it, so don't even ask me if it works!"
     "W-  Could we try it, when the time comes?" Kim asked.
     "Try what," Mike said carefully.
     Kim snorted and just gestured at me and Amy.  "Just cuddling, like
that, is all.  Jeez, you are so paranoid!"
     "I've got a reason to be," Mike said back.  "Well, why not try it
now, and see how it works out?"
     Kim thought about it, and Mike threw up his hands like he was
saying, 'See?!  You're doing it too!'
     "Maybe," Kim finally said.
     "It's not that bad," Amy said, and giggled a little.
     "No, it's not," I agreed.  "You might live through it, Mike, though
you might need to be hospitalized for-" I got out before someone kicked
me, I think it was Mike.

***
18:41 12 Jul

     "Want me to go with you?" I asked Amy as we got up.
     She gave me this grin, and grabbed my head with both hands and
kissed my cheek, and said, "No."
     I sat back down, alone with Mike because Kim had gone with Amy to
the bathroom, and he was giving me this look again.  "What?" I
complained.
     He shook his head.  "Nothing."
     "You are such a liar," I reminded him.
     He shrugged, like he didn't care, which I don't think he did.  "You
gonna eat that?" he asked, pointing at my plate.
     "You can have it," I said without paying much attention, instead
surreptitiously checking my pager.  Nothing.  Damnit.

***
19:09 12 Jul

     "So, I mean, if it's gonna be until eleven, what do I do with all
of you?" Mike asked.
     "We could go dancing... except nothing's really gonna be going good
until we have to leave," Amy said.
     "'Men in Black'?  We could see that," I suggested hopefully.
     "But we saw that last night, Tuck," Amy said, and then broke up
giggling.
     "That's one of those geek movies," Kim stated.
     "It's got Will Smith in it!" I countered.  "AND Tommy Lee Jones!"
Kim sniffed as if she didn't care.  "And naked men," I lied.
     "What?"
     "And naked women, in the big ballroom dancing scene."
     "It does NOT!" Kim protested.  "Does it?" she asked Amy.

***
19:44 12 Jul

     "I think you owe me," I pointed out to Amy as we got near the
tickets.  "I paid for dinner."
     "Jeez, you are such a jew about this money thing," she complained.
     "What?" I complained.  "Do you actually think I am gonna pay for
you to do stuff like this when you have your own job?"
     "You're supposed to!"
     "WHAT?!"
     She gave me this look like I was being stupid again, and said
slowly, "Because you're older than me, and richer, AND I'm the guest, so
you're SUPPOSED to pay for everything.  Duh!"
     That was so immensely insane I had to completely destroy her hair
in retaliation.  "Ahhhh!" she complained and started hitting me
randomly.  One of them connected with the target spot/nerve cluster
under a nipple, and I almost went unconscious as the world flared white.
     When my vision cleared, my hand hurt, Amy was on the ground, and
Mike was looking confused between me and Amy.  "Ahhhhkayyyyy," I managed
to gasp out, and that convinced my diaphragm it could start moving
again.  Sort of.  I spent a while breathing, not much caring what else
went on except that Mike and Amy weren't fighting.  In fact, he helped
her up, and she apologized all over the place to me for hitting
something which she didn't actually mention.  It was sort of amusing, in
an abstract way, as I tried to get my breathing back on auto.

***
19:51 12 Jul

     Amy felt contrite enough to actually pay for popcorn and cokes, so
we were all set for the movie, I thought.  She even put an arm around
me, which I returned.  This was the first time I'd done this, though, so
Amy and I had to wriggle around until we found a comfortable position
with arms on each other's shoulders.  *At least she hasn't done this
before,* I realized, *which means she hasn't been doing it with guys.
Thank Ghu.*  She was way too young to be dealing with guys like that.  I
was much happier when I realized that.
     Until a bunch of rugrat boys sat next to me, me and Mike being on
the ends, and kept looking at me and giggling.  They showed no signs of
stopping, either.
     After several minutes, it was about to drive me crazy, but then Amy
started making moaning noises, then said something unintelligible but
distressed sounding, and retched most convincingly, several times, and I
heard SOMEthing hitting the floor and splatting.
     I was kind of sickened myself.
     But the children left.  Quickly.
     "Well I feel better," Amy said casually in this completely normal
voice.  "Tuck, can you move the popcorn closer?"
     "Amy," said Mike from across Kim, "ya know, if you'd digest the
damn food you ate once in a while, you wouldn't be hungry all the time."
     "Ehh," replied Amy, like she knew that but wasn't concerned.
     "Shut up RIGHT this INSTANT," Kim demanded in a voice that sounded
like she was using the last scraps of control she had.
     "Okay," agreed all three of us instantly.
     I felt mildly bad.
     Eventually, Amy dared to comment, "At least they're not laughing at
Tucker any more."
     I hunched down in my seat, but it was obviously far too late for
that.  Amy held my hand, though.

***
22:23 12 Jul

     "Ya know, I've always felt there was a job waiting for us
somewhere," Mike said as we leisurely made our way out of the mostly-
abandoned theater.  There's a reason to watch all the credits, besides
that sometimes they put blooper reels and little extras in them.  "And
that is it."
     "Just figure out where to mail the applications," I mentioned.
     "Yeah, that looks like the right place for you two," Kim said.
     "What about me?" Amy complained.
     "Well, when you're old enooooff," I grunted as she poked me in a
sore spot in my ribs.
     "You'd be a natural for it," Mike continued.
     "What about ME?" Kim asked.
     Mike looked at her.  "I dunno about you.  You're too normal."
     "WHAT?!" Kim shrieked in surprise.

***
22:28 12 Jul

     I checked my pager, and got nothing except a reminder of what time
it was.  "Mike?"
     He looked at me.
     "It's, ah, it's about time to head over to Sabrina's," I said.
     He looked me up and down for a minute, then mentioned, "Don't you
gotta change first or something?"
     "Oh, shit," I said, because I'd forgotten completely, that I'd have
to change before we went over there.
     "Tuck you are a MORON," he said disgustedly, and I would have told
him off if I wasn't a moron.

***
22:59 12 Jul

     I was glad Rachel wasn't home, and neither were any of her
housemates, so I wouldn't have to even come up with an excuse.
     "And hurry your ass up," said Mike before he shut the bedroom door,
I guess to be alone with Kim.
     "What are you gonna wear?" Amy asked.  "Oooh," she said, finding
something interesting for herself, I guess, since she took it and pulled
her clothes off to try it on.

***
23:09 12 Jul

     I opened the door, catching Kim and Mike examining each other at
very close range indeed.  If it wasn't Mike, I'd have thought they were
about to do something other than inspect each other's bodies for
parasites.  "Mike, Kim doesn't have fleas."
     Kim and Mike looked over at me, and Mike stated, "Your hair's all
fucked up."
     "What?"
     "It is," he affirmed, and Kim nodded, and so I shut the door and
went back to check my hair.
     "It is NOT!  It's FINE!" I told myself and them.
     "What's the problem with it?" Amy asked.

***
23:10 12 Jul

     Mike and Kim were acting all innocent, like they hadn't been doing
anything while the door was shut.  "Ready?" Kim asked.
     "You two are assholes," I commented.
     "No," disagreed Mike.  "She's a bitch."  Kim nodded, smiling.

***
23:34 12 Jul

     "What if I told them I was you?" Mike asked.
     "Never work," I told him.  "You're too tall.  Once they figured out
you weren't wearing heels, they'd catch on."
     "Huh," Mike commented.
     "Mike?  We will have her back tomorrow after breakfast, I promise,"
Kim said.
     "Undamaged?" Mike asked her.
     "Of course!" she said, like it was a certain thing.
     Mike asked, "What about the kid?" jerking a thumb towards Amy.  Amy
hit him.  "Never mind," he said, and blocked her second shot.  "Get out
of my car, you psychopath."
     Amy laughed like a psychopath, or her best effort, and we all got
out.  "Call me if something goes wrong, Tuck," Mike told me, and waved,
but he didn't even show signs of moving the car until we had knocked on
the door and it opened and we started inside.  I waved to him before I
went in.

***
23:36 12 Jul

     "SOMEone forgot she had to change clothes before we got here," Kim
snorted, and pointed at me in case anyone possibly thought it was Amy
she was talking about.
     "I was stupid, okay?" I admitted.  Jill nodded agreement.  "Shut
up, Jill."
     "Shut up yourself," she sneered, then came and sat so close our
thighs were touching.  "How ya doin'?" she asked in a completely
different voice.
     I shrugged.  "Pretty good.  You okay?"  She nodded.

***
23:50 12 Jul

     "Val?" Amy asked me.  "Are you going to change for bed?"  She had
dropped out of her top and skirt and pulled this fluffy pastel gowny
thing on and shaken it down, over her body.  "Come on," she suggested.
     I nodded, and got up and pulled the shorts down, and the
sleep-shirt I'd snagged on a long-ago shopping trip for this very event
fell down my legs as it came out of the shorts.  I sat down to pull my
shoes and socks off, and was surprised when Amy whined, "But that's no
FAIR!"
     "What the hell are you talking about?" I wanted to know.
     "It's a SLEEPOVER," she told me, as if she'd been the one that
invited ME.  "So you ought to wear something nice!"
     "...What?!" I eventually managed to get out of my mouth.
     "Yer outta yer fuckin' mind," Jill said to Amy calmly.

***
23:55 12 Jul

     We'd 'settled' it, somehow, by me changing into a nightgown of
Sabrina's, and Jill staying in her shirt.  So I was in Sabrina's room,
putting on what she handed me - I had no idea before now that a
nightgown could have matching underwear - and I wanted to know how this
was fair.  Sabrina told me, "Well, she's YOUR cousin, Val."
     "What," I asked a while later when she didn't say anything else and
I'd slid the stupid thing over my head and adjusted it, "does that make
her acting like a bonehead, MY fault?"
     She nodded.  "You bring someone here, you're responsible for their
behavior.  Debbie was for you, the first few times.  Now you are
responsible for Amy."
     "Oh, great," I sighed.  "So I have to wear a-"
     "Val," Sabrina said, pulling me down by an arm onto her bed.  "She
wants to see it, you've done it before, I have one to lend you, we're
not going to make fun of you, who cares?"
     I thought about it.  "It just makes me feel weird."
     "They make me feel weird sometimes too," she nodded.  "But,
sometimes, that's okay.  Like tonight.  I'll wear one with you if you
want, since Amy wants you to.  That way, you two won't be the only
ones."
     "Okay," I said.  Then I said, "Thanks, Sabrina," and reached out
and hugged her.
     She hugged me back, gave me a little kiss on the cheek, and softly
said, "Now let's get back to the party before I get geek cooties or
something," and winked at me as she got up.
     Then she stopped, and came back.  "Val, what the HELL did you do to
your BACK?"
     "What?"

***
23:59 12 Jul

     "Oh my God," Amanda said as they all stared at my back.  I wouldn't
have let them, but Kathy was holding me still, and Kathy could hold
someone very still indeed.  My arms hurt.
     "That was immensely stupid, Val," Julia commented.
     "Oooh, thanks, I hadn't noticed that part yet, how stupid it was,"
I snapped back.  Someone slapped my ass, through the matching panties to
the stupid nightgown that had been removed - gown, not panties - so
everyone could get a better look, and I kicked back and got a grunt from
someone, probably the one I kicked.  My watch beeped like I'd scored,
though.
     "Better be careful with that, Val," Kathy warned me from the front,
where she was holding me almost off the ground.  "Guys really dig tan
lines like that, it's like a tattoo or something.  They go crazy."
     "No they don't," I protested, thinking of Travis.  *No, wait, he
DID go crazy, but that's not what she meant-*
     "Like you know," Pam scoffed.  "How many guys have YOU dated?"
     "Two," I said, and that got everyone instantly completely silent.
"If you count Travis and Jack, I mean.  That's two," I said quickly.
     "Jack in the band?" someone asked, and Kim said yes, and then
someone asked Amanda how Johnny was, and Kathy let go of me and gave me
the nightgown back.  It had a robe with it too, and I pulled that on and
went to find some place safe to sulk.
     He still hadn't paged me, I noticed when I could sulk my way over
to my purse.  *Damnit!*

***
00:18 13 Jul

     Jill shrugged.  "Same old dork, Russ."  She turned to me and Amy,
smiling.  "So, what's up with you two?  Any guys, or girls, in your
lives?"
     "Nope!" chirped Amy, smiling, and I shook my head.  "She went out
with Travis last night, without a chaperone, though," Amy helpfully
pointed out.  "She was gone for HOURS."
     "Oooooh!" everyone else practically screamed.
     "Oh shit," I moaned, and pulled a pillow over my head, then thought
better of it and dove under the sofa-bed I was sitting on and THEN
pulled the pillow over my head.

***
00:22 13 Jul

     "Val, pizza's here," someone enticed, waving a pizza box right
above the floor where I could see it.
     "I don't care," I said, "I'm not hungry."
     Kathy's face appeared.  "Val, if you don't come out of there within
one minute, I'm coming after you with a cup of ice."
     I thought about it, thought about Kathy, thought about ice, thought
about where Kathy might stuff ice, heard Kathy call, "Thirty seconds,"
and I crawled out, holding the pillow defensively.  "Don't hurt me," I
whimpered.
     "So tell us about Travis?" Sabrina said, smiling.
     "There is NOTHING to TELL!" I shrieked.
     Julia asked, "Then why were you hiding under the bed?"
     "Because I didn't want all of you sitting here dropping little
innuendos that something happened!" I explained.
     Pam snorted, but it was Kathy that managed to say, "Val, if you
thought they'd be LITTLE innuendos..."
     I waited until the laughter died down.  "That is exactly what I
meant, though.  Julia is the only one around who likes jazz, I think,
and so when Travis asked me Thursday night," I lied, "it was too late to
call her and the rest of you wouldn't want to go anyway!  Besides, did
anyone mention the last time he did something stupid that I kicked him
in the nuts?"
     "NO!" shrieked several girls, and then I was implored to explain
THAT story.  Which was a lot safer than explaining last night.  Which
was, in fact, my plan.

***
00:36 13 Jul

     "Oh, but you forgot to mention running out into the parking lot..."
Amy started, and then stopped.
     "Yeah, I did forget to mention that one," I spoke directly to Amy,
who was now hanging her head.  "Want me to mention that one?"
     She said in this small unsure voice, "No?"
     "Then I won't," I said, and she smiled thankfully at me.
     "What-"
     "I said I wouldn't mention that one!" I replied.
     Pause.  I took the opportunity to grab a slice of veggie pizza.
     "Who's next, then?" Kathy asked.
     Julia raised her hand and said, "Next time you go out and listen to
something like jazz, though, give me a call, okay?  I do have my own
phone line, and calling up 'til midnight is okay."
     "'Kay, I will," I half-lied.  "Anyone else?"
     There wasn't anyone in about fifteen seconds, so Kim asked, "Does
anyone want to hear about me and Mike?"
     "Oh. but he's a geek and they're all BOOOORing," Sabrina said
scornfully, and then fell over on me, laughing and tickling me.

***
01:09 13 Jul

     "It is just really hard sometimes, being like this," Kathy sighed.
     "Jesus!" Amy exclaimed.  "I'd pay money to look like you!"
     "Yeah?" Kathy challenged.  "Do guys usually look afraid when you
come up to talk to them?"  Her face looked ugly and pained.  "It drives
men fucking NUTS if the girl is taller.  Most guys won't even talk to
me, and if I try talking to THEM, they bail out almost instantly, trying
to get away from me."
     "Are you serious?" I asked.
     She turned on me, and I almost bailed out right there, because
there was blood on her mind, but she stopped herself.  "Val, I guess you
don't notice this shit, but it's true."  She looked over at some of the
other girls, and Pam and Amanda nodded confirmation.  "I mean," she
continued, "Kim has guys talking to her tits because they like her
tits," which made Kim make a face, "but they talk to my tits because
they can't bend their necks to look up.  And EVERYone thinks I'm some
kind of stuck-up bitch just because I walk proud, not all hunched over
like I'm ashamed of myself."
     "What?" asked Amy, which saved me the trouble of saying it myself.
     Kathy held up a hand, and demonstrated without even saying
anything.  She stood up, then walked across the room one way, like she
normally did, and then turned around and turned into this completely
different person as she hunched her head down and walked with smaller
steps and, I dunno, just smaller somehow.  And - I was ashamed to admit
it - someone I'd be much more willing to talk to if I didn't already
know her.
     "That is fucking creepy," I commented without meaning to say it out
loud.
     "Tell me about it," Kathy answered as she stood back up and looked
at me.  "I guess I'm supposed to hate myself as much as the rest of them
do, for being tall or something?"
     "Wait, WHAT?!" I complained.

***
01:38 13 Jul

     Feminism 101, apparently, was the other thing that happened at
these sleepovers.  I was glad that since I was such a dork, and
furthermore I'd had a sister beating me regularly, I hadn't had
opportunity to commit most of the sins they mentioned, because there
were a lot of them and the women - not girls now, if ever - were getting
madder and madder as they talked about them.
     Amy, too, and Julia, and even I had seen some of them, even towards
me, but I didn't know what I was seeing at the time.

***
02:02 13 Jul

     They had mostly run out of things to say, and I was now I guess
programmed to the first stage, or something, because they all sort of
slacked off.
     "So, I mean, I don't do any of that stuff, any more, do I?" my
stupid suicidal fucking mouth let out in its latest attempt to get me
killed.
     They glared at me for a few moments, then Sabrina said, fairly
calmly considering, "You know, you do get pretty fucking snotty and
stuck up when I ask you for help on math."
     I was trying to keep from saying something immensely stupid,
because all I could think of was immensely stupid things, when Amy spoke
up unexpectedly, "Oh, man, it's not you, and it's not women, I've seen,
uh, Val, do the same thing to Mike and me both at the same time before."
     "What?" I asked, looking at her.
     She turned back to me, and then twisted her face up and spoke,
"'But it's completely obvious, can't you see that if the equation is
like THIS, then the other part has to be like THIS?  Can't you SEE it?'"
     "But I CAN see it," I complained, feeling picked on.
     "Well, the rest of us can't see into the fourth dimension or
whatever," Amy shot back, speaking faster than the rest of them
apparently could, "so don't get so fucking uppity when we can't,
alright?"
     "Alright!" I shot back.  "Jeez.  Anything else I've been, I mean,
is there anything else my BROTHER has been fucking up?"  That got some
smiles and some relaxed faces from the rest.
     "Can you REALLY 'see' that math stuff?" Sabrina asked.
     I didn't want to say anything at all, but she reached out and
patted my shoulder, I guess as a gesture of friendship or something.
"Yeah," I finally admitted.  "It's like, like... like doing a crossword,
where you just know the right word to put in one space even though
you can only see half or less of the letters?"  Several of the girls
nodded.
     "But HOW do you know?" Sabrina asked, sounding really curious, or
slightly annoyed.
     I shrugged.  "How do you know what color matches another one in
your closet back home, or how do you know what note comes next, or how
do you find the right word in poetry, or how do you know how to move
your whole body for the dance, or anything?"  I shrugged again.  "You
just know, and if I could show you what I see, you'd sign up for every
math class you could find, and it still wouldn't be enough.  Because
it's, to me, it's like the whole universe except I understand it and I
can see it flowing and changing and twisting and folding and everything,
all at once."
     Pause.
     "Are you serious?" Amanda asked softly.
     I nodded.
     "I think that's why you suck so bad in English and stuff," Pam
said, and everyone turned to look at her.  "I mean, she had me do her
papers, check 'em before she turned 'em in, and man..."
     "I suck," I admitted.
     "I've read stuff from people from other countries who write better
English than you do," she said, which made me feel worse.  "I think your
brain's not like ours.  You got all the math and none of the language."
     "I don't think my brain's like anybody's," I sighed, and I guess
everyone understood what I meant, because nobody laughed.

***
02:37 13 Jul

     "Is this okay?" I asked Julia, not wanting to get too close to her
if she didn't want me there.
     "Oh, Val," she said softly, and stroked my face.  "You're fine. Go
to sleep."
     "That's what I had in mind," I said back before I yawned myself
almost into splitting my face open.  She was chuckling, I could tell
after my ears popped.
     "G'night," Amy said from my other side as she and I wriggled
together.
     "'Night Amy," agreed Julia softly as she put an arm on my shoulder.
"I-is this okay?" she whispered, and I nodded.  I liked her.  I guess
she liked me, because she rubbed my shoulder a bit before she put her
hand someplace and started off to sleep.

***
08:33 13 Jul

     I was in this large pool, trying to hold Stella and watch Ricky
David and Gary all at the same time, and it was impossible because this
was, of course, the biggest pool in the world, so big you could barely
see the edges on the horizon, and the little dorks were playing games
with me, trying to get me to freak out, and I had to find them before
Miz Parker got back, because she'd yell at me if I lost one of them, not
to mention what she'd do if I managed to lose all of them, and then I
noticed I didn't have Stella any more, and I was trying to figure out
what the hell could have happened to her since she couldn't even crawl
yet so she certainly couldn't have been swimming, and then I felt
something tap my feet and I thought it was one of the boys playing games
so I looked down and I was going to swim down and catch him and pop his
butt but it was a shark, the biggest shark I'd ever seen before, and my
toes were bleeding from the first, testing, TASTING strike, and now it
was coming back around and up in turbo mode to rip me to pieces and I
screamed and thrashed around and felt something that felt like a
baseball bat and I didn't care what the hell it was, I just grabbed it
and swung down as hard as I could to kill the shark because if I didn't
kill it by bashing its head apart on the very first shot it was going to
kill me about a second later by biting me and ripping me in two so I put
everything I had into it, screaming as hard as I could for more power-
     And suddenly I was on top of a bed and I had just shattered a
footboard and there were girls screaming all around me.

***
08:35 13 Jul

     "We just wiggled your toes, 'cause they were peeking out from under
the blanket, I mean just a LITTLE bit, and..."  Jill shook her head,
still freaked.  "Man, like half a second later, you just screamed like
bloody murder and tried to kill me!"
     "It wasn't you!" I told her.  Then I explained what _I_ had been
seeing.

***
08:38 13 Jul

     "Man, has anyone told you you are immensely fucked up?" Pam
commented.
     "Oh, yeah," I agreed, then I coughed.  "Most people," I gurgled
out.  Screaming hard for maximum hitting power usually tore up my
throat.
     Pam continued, "I mean, I'm qualified to say this, but Val, you are
fucked UP."
     "And I TOLD you not to do something stupid to wake, to wake her
up," Amy admonished.  "Did you think I was saying that out of the
goodness of my heart?  She has nightmares that give other people
nightmares after you hear about them."  I think she felt guilty about
being in the bathroom at the crucial time.
     "You ought to write horror stories, then," Kim suggested.
     Pam said, "That assumes Valerie can write in something like
English.  Which is not, I assure you, the case."
     "Didn't we cover this last night?" I asked her.
     She asked back, "Did you get any better overnight?"
     "Shut, up Pam.  Val?  Are you okay now, though?" Kathy asked me,
and I nodded.
     Pause.
     "I think you killed my bed, though," Sabrina sighed, looking at it.
     "Sabrina I'm really sorry-"
     "S'okay, Val," she said, and hugged me one-armed.  "I don't think
you would have done it on purpose."  I shook my head.  "S'okay," she
repeated.

***
09:01 13 Jul

     "Val!  Give me that, it's MINE!" Amy protested, and yanked the bra
out of my hands.
     "Fine, give me the one you're sitting on!" I snapped back, and she
looked under her own butt, and then guiltily handed me back the bra
she'd just yanked out of my hands.  "THANK you," I said sarcastically.
     "Fuck OFF, bitch," Amy said casually, and I casually kicked her,
and she casually slapped at my head, and then Jill not so casually
whomped Amy in the back of the head with a pillow.
     I dove under the nearest couch bed and listened to the screaming
and thumping up above me.
     A short while later, Pam crawled under the same bed.  "Peace,
peace," she said when she saw me.  "It's getting vicious up there."

***
10:02 13 Jul

     "You called Susan?"  I couldn't believe Amy sometimes.
     "Well, why not?  She likes breakfast too!" Amy complained back at
me.  "Besides, you called Rachel!"
     "Rachel is nicely storing a lot of stuff for me, and so she
deserves at least breakfast," I said, hoping that Rachel would agree.
     Rachel smiled as she looked up for a moment from the menu, then
Susan got close enough to our table to trigger Rachel's IFF and Rachel
looked at Susan, and then the two of them were chatting with each other
as Susan pulled up a chair and sat down.
     And now we were six.
     "See?" said Amy, like she'd proved something.
     "Oh, bite me," I sighed at her.

***
10:09 13 Jul

     Susan shook her head, half smiling.  "Just the idea of you, at a
slumber party, for high school girls...  I'd have thought you'd have
thrown yourself out the window to get away."
     "She almost did that," Amy mentioned, because apparently she wasn't
satisfied if someone's mouth wasn't getting me in trouble, and if it
wasn't mine then it would have to be hers.
     "What?" said Susan, which was sort of like tripping the wire on the
trap.  I sighed.

***
10:11 13 Jul

     "Which of you dumbasses," Susan accused Kim and Jill at the same
time, "came up with this idea?"
     Jill instantly pointed at Kim.  "I did NOT!" Kim protested
vehemently, and then they got into a squealing slap fight.
     Susan ended it, in her favorite way for scaring the hell out of
everyone at a table, by slamming the table top with both hands at the
same time, which scared everyone in the restaurant, I think.  I know it
scared me even though I was watching her do it.
     "You should all know," Susan said in a conversational voice,
"better than to wake," Susan glared at me, "HER, up like that.  She has
a bad enough time sleeping as it is."
     "I told 'em that, but they didn't listen," Amy reminded everyone.
     "Maybe this time they will?" Susan 'suggested' hopefully.
     "Alright alright, you can pull the broomstick out of your ass now,"
Jill said to Susan, "I got it."  She turned to me.  "And, Val," she said
in the entirely reasonable tone of voice that she hadn't been speaking
in, "I am really REALLY sorry for doing that to you this morning."
Susan's mouth closed when she heard the apology; I guess she'd been
planning on wasting Jill.
     "S'okay," I told her.  "Just, y'know..."
     "I won't," she said firmly.

***
11:08 13 Jul

     "Val, remember, you're cooking tonight," Susan reminded me, and
Jill and I sighed at the same time.
     "What is YOUR problem?" I asked her.  MY problem was that I was
going to be cooking for four hours and then not be hungry.
     "'Cause you cook really good and I'd like to be there one night and
get it fresh," and I was about to remind her about a weekend ago when
she added, "like last weekend, it was really good."
     "I did some of that," Amy commented.
     "So did I!" Susan protested, like we were stealing the credit or
something.
     Jill sighed, and leaned back.  "Can I run away to your house?"
     "Yeah, sure," Amy said instantly, "but you have to sleep in the top
bunk, 'cause I'm sleeping with Val until I get my dog back."
     Pause.
     "What?" asked Kim carefully, "does a dog have to do with it?"
     "It's a rrrruff life," I commented, and Susan swiped at my head as
I ducked.

***
11:14 13 Jul

     "So, what ARE you fixing?" Susan asked me.
     I asked the table, "Um... what sounds good?"
     "I just ate and you're asking what sounds good?" Susan snapped
back.
     Kim contributed, "You said you do Italian?"
     Amy and I grinned at each other.  "You help me out?" I asked, and
she nodded.  "How about," I turned to the rest of the table, "some
Italian seafood...?"
     "Prawns," Amy said confidently.
     "Oh, prawns, and fish filets, northern style, and some pasta-"
     "-just a little bit of pasta," Amy said in a credible Italian
accent, "'Cause it's good for you, the pasta."
     "And..."
     "Stuffed mushrooms," Amy challenged, and I nodded.
     "An' some salad, and a lil' minestrone soup, an' some good bread
from the bakery, and a little chee-"
     "-a lot," Amy insisted.
     "A lot," I agreed, "a lot of cheese on the bread, and some garlic
herbed butter.  And cheesecake for dessert, eh?  How 'bout dat?"
     "I don't NEED to work," said Jill, who was looking anguished.
Mike and Kim, on the other hand, looked very happy.  Rachel looked a
little confused until I nodded at her that yes, she was invited too.
Then she got happy.
     "Jill," I said, switching back to normal English, "we'll save you a
plate, I promise."
     "But it's not the SAME!" she whined.

***
13:41 13 Jul

     I would have gotten ill at the size of the grocery bill, but A, I
was prepared by the last two times I'd done this kind of food shopping,
and B, Kim had given me my week's pay today.

***
17:22 13 Jul

     I felt arms come up around me, and I sniffed, and even through the
garlic I could smell it was Mike.  "Get off me you bloody TURK!" I
announced loudly, and I heard girls laughing before I turned around.

***
18:04 13 Jul

     I was glad I'd cooked extra, because two of Mom's coworkers and one
of Dad's had found 'reasons' to be here on Sunday evening, and of course
it would have been too rude to tell them 'Hey we're gonna eat so get
lost!' like was my idea.  Not that we didn't have enough, but at least I
knew five hours in advance who me and Susan and Brian were bringing to
dinner.
     I waved at Jenny, and her eyes bulged a bit.  She really did look
like a lemur when she did that.

***


In theory, theory and practice are the same, but in practice they're
different. - unknown


Distribution:
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Permission is given to redistribute this by electronic means, as long as
the entirety of the work (from the BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE header to
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+ ==[--------   Ellen Hayes   @>--,--'---      ellen@barkingduck.net +
PGP DH/DSS keyfing: 33D4 156A AE39 53E2 0313  6714 2878 56A8 61B0 9CDC
+ http://www.barkingduck.net/ehayes -=[1990]=- vicki .sig virus 11.4 +


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