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Tuck A Good Look -*- Copyright 2002 by Ellen Hayes.

Any resemblance between the writings in this work, and any actual
persons or places, living or dead, are purely coincidental, except when
used for satirical purposes.

This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and
possibly sex.  If you are legally not allowed to read materials
containing such things, then you will be breaking the law by reading
this.  I am not responsible.
Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it
in any format means that you explicitly affirm that you are legally
allowed to possess and read such materials in your city, county/parish,
state, and country.

All rights reserved.  See the bottom for distribution rights.


Tuck A Good Look


***
09:00 30 Aug

     "Oh, do shut up," I moaned at Gallifrey.
     It replied, "Bedoop!" for the third time, then played the intro
notes again.  I sighed and sat up and went to turn the thing off.
     And it was STILL better than waking up in a panic.

***
10:08 30 Aug

     "Yeah, the recital or concert or whatever it was..."  I couldn't
remember what they had called it.  "It was neat," I finally said.
     "That's good," Sheila agreed.

***
10:41 30 Aug

     "Um," I remembered, "a friend of mine said I should mention the
nightmares I've been having?"
     Sheila looked up at that, which I thought was a bad sign.
     Pause.
     "Okay," she said first, "so tell me about them."

***
10:55 30 Aug

     "Is there a common thread that you can see?" Sheila asked.
     "Well, it's all either school, or people at school, like usual," I
said.  "People chasing me or stuff.  Lots of people with knives."
     "Just people at school?"
     "Those, and dogs.  Dogs at school," I said.  "I had one about dogs
chasing me through the halls trying to kill me.  Maybe two..."  I tended
to lose track after the first few.  Not like I really wanted to remember
any of them.  Or have them.
     "Anything other than that, like something about you and Travis?"
     "Uh, no..."

***
11:01 30 Aug

     "Can you keep a journal on your nightmares?" Sheila asked me.  "For
next time?"
     "Uh, yeah, I guess," I sighed.
     "You don't want to, though."
     "No...  I don't want to think about them.  I mean, they're scary,
or they wouldn't be nightmares, right?  So, being nightmares, they scare
me, and I don't like being scared."
     "Still, do you think you could at least take some notes on them?
For me?" she asked.
     "Yeah, I guess," I sighed again.

***
11:48 30 Aug

     "Because, Tuck, we're gaming tonight, so we have to go out before
then," Mike said.
     "But-"
     An elbow to a soft spot made me remember that Mike had said we were
gaming to get me out of the house for most of the weekend, which didn't
involve him at all, which was probably why he wanted to kidnap me now.
     "Oh, yeah," I said.

***
12:04 30 Aug

     "I don't understand what the deal is," Mike said as he pulled out
of our residential superblock.  Well, I was in the car too so I went
along.  For the ride, as it were.
     "Well, it was," I explained, "it was like fun, waking up with
Debbie, sleeping with her the whole night, stuff like that.  So, like,
with Travis, who isn't even in the same house as his mother...  I mean,
it should be even more fun, like-"
     "Please do not define 'fun' in this context," Mike ordered.
     "Okay."  It wasn't like it was that bad, either - maybe if we got
our mutual sex drives taken care of the night before, we could spend
more time cuddling and talking and stuff.  Or, something like that.
     "Speaking of Monday," Mike said, speaking of Monday, "DID you want
to come over and have a homework party Monday night?"
     "Uh...  Depends on how Travis and I are doing..."  Mike was shaking
his head.
     "Tuck, homework," he said.  "Grades graduation college-"
     "Dad's infected you with a worm!" I shrieked and pointed in shock.
     "Trojan," Mike corrected sadly.  "He told me it was government
class notes.  The fiend."
     "The fiend!" I agreed in a horrified voice.  "We have to go back to
the house so I can disinfect your brain!"
     "Ah, no.  I want pizza.  And arcade."
     "Speaking of malls, when should I go shopping for school clothes?"
     "Tuck!  Not THIS weekend!" he complained.
     "Well, they have all those sales-"
     "Take the girls- no, go WITH the girls tomorrow.  NOT today."
     "Jeez, bitchy today, aren't we?"
     "It's the Trojan, it's wiped out my SERENITY.DLL," Mike said
deadpan, which made me laugh.

***
13:01 30 Aug

     "So you're just gonna be there all weekend?" George asked.
     "Uh, well..."
     "You didn't want to know," Mike said, "what Tuck is doing Sunday
night and Monday.  Remember?"
     They all glared at him.  Then they all started glaring at me.
     "Hey!" I protested.  "YOU didn't want to know, remember?"
     "Shut up, Tuck," George grumbled.  "And eat your damned leaves."
     I sighed, made a rude gesture at him, and went back to my salad.

***
13:04 30 Aug

     "Why," Book said into the silence, "do you keep GOING to those
things?"
     "'Cause, man, it's all girls and I like girls," I answered.  "And I
like these girls a lot."
     "Why aren't you dating any of 'em?" he challenged.
     "Because, if I do it like this, then it's like I'm dating ALL of
'em, even the ones that already have boyfriends."  Sometimes my wit
amazed me.  Sometimes, like now, it even amazed everyone else too.
     "Hey!" Mike suddenly exclaimed, and hit me, as he realized that Kim
was one of the girls I'd be with tonight.

***
16:37 30 Aug

     My pager buzzed, so I set a flag and continued playing pinball.

***
16:50 30 Aug

     "Because I was in the middle of a pinball game, and I couldn't just
stop in the middle of it," I told Sabrina.  "Whatsup?"
     "Just wanted to say, if you wanna eat with us, come by before
eight, and TRY to dress nice for once-"
     "Hey!" I complained.  "Who do ya think yer talkin' to?  Jill?"
     She laughed.

***
17:37 30 Aug

     I came downstairs from Rachel's bedroom to find that the guys had
not actually left, but were playing some videogame on a console I didn't
even know Rachel and them had.
     At least, until I came down the stairs, they were.
     "What the hell are you doing still here?" I accidentally snapped.
     "What the hell are YOU doing?" was the general retort as George and
Book stood up.
     "Sabrina said to dress nice tonight," I said defensively as I
crossed my arms and reminded myself why I wore bumpers as I moved my
arms lower.  "So I guess we're going out to a nice dinner or something."
     "I could go for something to eat," Mike agreed.
     "N-" I started to yell, then had a better idea.  "Okay," I said
enthusiastically, "let me go find something REALLY pretty for each of
you to change into - Sabrina DID say to wear something nice - and then
you can come-" and then I had to jettison my shoes and run like hell in
the hopes of making it to a bathroom or bedroom before the pounding feet
behind me caught me.

***
17:40 30 Aug

     "I NEED those shoes!" I yelled through the door.
     "Don't do it, Tuck!" whined George from where he was sniveling
inside the bathroom.  Locked in, of course.  "Just blow 'em off and come
do something with us!"
     "NOOOO!  I said I'd go tonight!"  Mike was shaking his head at
something instead of getting the crowbar out of his car like I'd asked
him to, so I signed something rude at him.  "Give!  Me!  My!  Shoes!
Back!" I shrieked as I pounded on the door for a while to demonstrate I
was really irritated.
     "Oooh, be careful, you don't want to break a nail," George sneered
from inside.
     "This is why you don't have dates," I snarled to myself, before I
realized I could do something else.  "Fine, keep 'em!" I yelled back,
and grabbed my pack and purse and headed out the door.

***
17:41 30 Aug

     "I'm sure," I explained to Mike, "that if I tell them that George
had an asshole fit and stole my shoes, that they will ALL nod and be
sympathetic.  I might even get 'em to pay for a replacement pair," I
smirked, though those were the nice ones I'd gotten around Christmas,
and expensive.
     Mike sighed and resumed shaking his head.  "And how were you going
to get there?"
     *Oh shit.*  My car was back at my house, which was inaccessible at
the moment at least twice over.  "Uh, I'll call one of 'em, or take a
cab..."

***
17:43 30 Aug

     "Okay, next weekend," I sighed, and George handed me my shoes back.
"Except Sunday brunch, and I still have-"  I made a belated snatch at my
shoes but George had already started moving.  "GEORGE!"
     Mike stepped between us and said, "No, come on George, you know
we've been doing this Sunday breakfast for a while, and I'm SURE Tuck
can come up with a niiiiiice Sunday dinner for us if we let him cook.
Right Tuck?"
     "Right," I sighed again, as I tried to remember if George was
allergic to anything I could cook.  Regrettably, the answer seemed to be
'no'.

***
18:09 30 Aug

     "Hey, you look nice," Sabrina said as she let me in.
     "So do you," I sighed.
     "Whatsup?"
     "George," I sighed again.
     "And why do you have that laptop?" she changed the subject.
     "Ohhhh," I chortled.

***
18:14 30 Aug

     "He just stole them?  Off your feet?"
     "Well, I sort of had to dump them to run faster, or they'd have
messed up my makeup," I admitted.  "Or something."
     "What did you say," Kathy asked as she wriggled and jiggled and
squirmed into a push-up bra, "you little smart-ass?"
     "Uh..."

***
18:24 30 Aug

     "You said you had the laptop for something?" Kathy reminded me.
     "Oooooh," I said eagerly.
     "And what did you do to Ashlee anyway?" Kim said.  "Linda's been
all pissed at you lately, and I think it has something to do with her."
     "Remember," I set the background, "how she was picking on me and
Kelly indirectly, making fun of Kelly before class and stuff?  And her
friends were doing it too?"

***
18:30 30 Aug

     "Oh my God," Kathy said slowly.
     "Lemme blow it up, see..."  I zoomed into the area in question.
"See, here's her neck, and you can't even tell where Dan pasted her face
on that body.  He's an artist," I had to admit.  'Course, the computer
stuff I'd selected for him had done most of it.  On the gripping hand,
there was no way I could have done this with less than a month.
     "And how did he have a picture of... that?" Sabrina pointed at the
body-donor Dan had grafted onto the photo of Ashlee's face and neck, the
one with the perky nipples and the dribbles of Ivory dishwashing soap
sliming down her body.  Six months ago, I would have believed the amount
of pseudo-cum on her was beyond ridiculous...
     "Ah..."  What the hell, it wasn't me, and it shouldn't be news to
these girls.  "Ya know all that porn industry on the net, that everyone
warns you about?  And you know how they work ever so hard to keep it out
of the hands of kids?  It's hopeless."
     "That is so disgusting," Kim commented.
     I shrugged.  "It has its uses."
     "Like WHAT?" four of them demanded at once.
     "Like, convincing Ashlee not to fuck with me OR my friends, in a
language she understands?" I reminded them, and flipped back to the
original animated image again.
     It showed the pseudo Ashlee in all her soapy glory - and I bet
she'd never smile like that for a cheerleading photo ever again - for
several seconds, and then the messages.
     NICE GIRLS DON'T LOOK LIKE THIS, it said at first, for quite a
while before it blanked the entire screen.  I'd estimated her reading
speed, then doubled the time because she was, well, a cheerleader.
     Then it said, NICE GIRLS DON'T PICK ON OTHER PEOPLE.
     Then, it blanked again and said, NICE GIRLS GO TO HEAVEN.  NAUGHTY
GIRLS GO EVERYWHERE.  LIKE IN EVERY FRESHMAN'S LOCKER...
     Blank.
     ALL THE BATHROOMS...
     Blank.
     TO NATIONAL MAGAZINES...
     Even though that last one was both illegal AND just the sort of
thing that they would actually make an effort to track down and arrest
people for, I didn't think Ashlee would realize that this one wasn't
worth the risk for us.
     AND, OF COURSE, THE INTERNET.
     Why risk paper publication when we could spread it all over the
world in a couple of days?
     BE A NICE GIRL, ASHLEE, it said as its final message before it
blanked completely.  The payload program had then closed itself and
disappeared at that point, leaving no traces except Ashlee's mental
state and the disk that Kelly had given back to me immediately after the
class.
     "And you would do that to someone," Kim said disgustedly.
     I snapped my head around and pinned her with pure eyeball power and
rage.  "To the kind of person that broke my fucking bones beating the
hell out of me, then claimed it was MY fault?  The same ones that stand
around with Jock Studly their boyfriend and say things like 'Kick the
little faggot harder, he's still moving'?  You fucking BET I would.
IF," I emphasized as I calmed down enough to sit down again, "she fucks
with me or my friends.  She could get another warning if it's a light
enough offense, but..."  I shrugged.  "An' it's not just me, okay?  I
have to get everyone else involved to agree that it's justified before I
could do something like this.  Otherwise I can't."
     "Wait," Kathy ordered the rest of them.  "Who has copies of this
now?  I mean, right now," she asked.
     "Me, with this one disk, and a copy of the picture that's
double-encrypted to hell, needing a key from both Mike AND me to unlock
it, and it's buried in my system too," I said, "and Dan's got the
original image hidden on HIS computer.  So, three copies."
     "And how do you know Dan wouldn't just put it out if, if, like on a
whim or something?" Kim asked.
     "'Cause Mike's holding the other key to that image too," I said.
"It's double-encrypted, like my copy; it takes both of us to unlock it."
     "You can do that?" Pam asked.
     "Yes," I said, "and I can explain how it works, but it'll take a
while if I have to.  So trust me on this one, it's technically possible,
not that hard, and we did it."
     "How do you know?" Kim asked.
     "How do I know what?"
     "That you, I mean, that Mike and Dan did that?"
     "How do YOU know," I countered, "that these people won't go around
spreading your secrets all over school and beyond?" I waved my hands
around to indicate everyone  "They're your friends; you trust them."
     "If you trust 'em so much, then how come you need to have it locked
up like that?" Kathy asked.
     "Just, uh, to prevent someone getting really pissed off and doing
something, uh, unilaterally, that they might regret later.  It puts a
calmer person into the decision loop."
     "What about that disk there?" Sabrina asked.  "What if someone
found it?"
     In reply, I umounted the floppy, ejected it, and snapped it in two.
Gracefully, too; it didn't slice my hand up.  "What disk?"
     There was a pause.  I tossed the ex-disk into Sabrina's trash.
     "You play serious hardball," Kathy observed.
     "Once I got put in the hospital for almost two weeks, back in
junior high," I said quietly, "we decided that it was in fact time to
get serious.
     "And, like I said, she saw the image and then it was gone.  It was
just a warning of what COULD happen, in the future.  If she's stupid
enough to see that, and THEN decide to go around screwing with people
after that, then she's too stupid to live.  Can we change the subject?"
I requested.
     "Do you have stuff like that for us?" Amanda asked quietly.
     "What?  No!  Don't be ridiculous.  I TRUST you guys," I told them,
"or I wouldn't be here, like this," and waved a hand down the dress I
was wearing.  "Would I?"
     That generated another pause.
     "I think changing the subject is a very good idea," Kathy stated.
"So tell us about that MARvelous boyfriend of yours, Val," she smiled.
     "You already met him!" I complained.
     "Doing anything for Labor Day?" Julia asked, grinning too.  "Since
you didn't go out last night and you're not going out with him tonight?"
     "Oh, well, actually," I lied, "since you all think SO highly of
him, I said he could come over tonight and stay-  OW!  NOT THE LAPTOP!"
I screamed as I slipped out of the chair to get the laptop out of the
beaten zone and got hit again with a pillow.  I tried scrabbling for the
couch bed but it wasn't unfolded yet and Kathy grabbed my legs anyway.
"NOOO!  HELP!"
     There was no help to be had.

***
19:12 30 Aug

     They'd finally stopped beating me, and then someone had asked if I
had any games on it, which eventually led to me showing them what you
could do with Emacs and LaTeX and a laptop in class.
     "Whoa, cool!" Amanda said admiringly.  "ALL your notes?"
     "As soon as I get the ones from the first couple of weeks
transcribed, yeah," I said.
     "And you can print them out as many times as you want, right?" Kim
smiled.
     "Uh..."
     I didn't really want to be the local Cliff Notes pusher, but it
looks like I might have been elected.

***
20:02 30 Aug

     "Um, Julia?" I said into her ear as we were milling around cars,
"don't mention seeing Dobson last night?"
     "Why not?"
     "Because, if you mention that, then if it comes out that he saw me
like this and didn't say anything or have a heart attack, it'll lead to
questions I don't think I want to answer and I don't think he'd want us
to answer either."
     "Val?"
     "What?"
     "You don't need to teach Grandma how to suck eggs, okay?  I've been
doing this a lot longer than you have, and I haven't mentioned it to
anyone except Rachel and she was there."
     "Who was where?" Pam asked.
     "Last night," Julia said smoothly, "me an' Val and Rachel, remember
Rachel?  We went out to this recital at the university last night."
     "That sounds neat," Pam replied.
     "It was," Julia assured her.  And winked at me before launching
into a description of the music and players.

***
20:31 30 Aug

     "It's just gonna be one of those years," Kathy sighed as she looked
at her plate.
     "Why?" I asked.
     "Just is," she shrugged.

***
20:57 30 Aug

     "What, no dancing?" I teased.
     "You want to go dancing?" Pam asked.
     "Noooo," Kim moaned.  "I'm too tired, an' if I go dancing I want to
go with Mike."
     "I don't have anyone to go with," Amanda mentioned bitterly.  I
guessed that Johnny had not yet called back.
     "Besides," Kathy mentioned, "the sooner we get back to Sabrina's
place, the sooner we can start talking about Val's boyfriend."
     "What the heck is there to talk about?" I asked, ignoring the
giggles.
     "I could actually skip this, and go pick Jill up from work," Julia
said as she stood up.  "Doesn't she get off at nine?"
     "What, don't you wanna hear this?" Amanda giggled.
     "I heard it enough times already back when you were still too
chicken to date boys yourself," Julia said warmly back at Amanda.
     "Drama people," Sabrina commented as she looped a finger around her
ear.  Julia displayed a stationary finger in return.

***
21:24 30 Aug

     At least we'd picked up a load of doughnuts and pastries to keep us
going over the long haul.  And I had a definite feeling it was going to
be a long haul tonight.
     "So, what _I_ want to know," Kathy emphasized, "is exactly what you
two do when having sex."
     A VERY long haul.  I wondered if I could fake a seizure and get-
*No,* I realized desperately, *Kathy teaches first aid.  Shit!*
     "Uh," I said.
     "Not 'ooh'?" Amanda giggled, hopefully not realizing that the hair
on my arms had twitched up.
     "Why do you want to know?" I tried.
     "'Cause, I'm curious," Kathy said, like that was some reasonable
excuse.
     "Well, what do you do when-"
     "Standard stuff, Val.  Come on," Kathy enticed me.  "Start
talkin'."
     "You ALL want to know this?" I tried.
     That started a discussion which thankfully did not involve me
describing what me and Travis did together, but I had a feeling I'd
better think, and HARD, while I had some time.

***
21:31 30 Aug

     "Hey, glad you could make it," Sabrina said to Jill as she joined
and Julia rejoined the party.  And I almost fainted in relief.
     "So, what's going on?" Jill asked as she put her bag down.
     "Oh, we were just talking about Val, and sex," Kathy smiled.
     "Oooh, I wanna hear about this!" Jill crowed.
     "Jill!" I protested desperately.

***
21:37 30 Aug

     I hadn't come up with anything good by the time the consensus was
that yes, they did want to know about it.
     Kathy asked, "Well, WHY don't you want to talk about it?"
     "Well, 'cause!  It's like, it's private...  I mean, I don't ask you
what you do when you have sex."
     "You did a few minutes ago," Sabrina did not helpfully point out.
     "But I didn't really expect an answer," I said desperately.  "Come
on, guys!"
     "Alright, jeez, if you're gonna have a fit over it, never mind,"
Kathy grumbled.
     Pause, in which I felt strangely like I'd disappointed everyone.
     "Well, I mean, why do you want to know?" I finally asked.
     Kathy thought about it for a while, then shrugged.  "I just
wondered, since...  I mean, it's not like I talk to a lot of people who
admit to having gay sex, you know?  So I just wondered what you two did
together.  I mean, I could GUESS, but I wondered what you actually DID."
     "Like what kind of guess?"
     "Anal sex," she said casually, like it was no big deal to her.
"Oral sex, hand jobs, vibrators or dildos..."  She was ticking them off
on her fingers as she went.
     "You want to lie down?" Sabrina asked me unexpectedly.
     "Huh?"
     "If you get any redder, I'm scared you'll pass out," she grinned.
     "Thanks," I lied.  I'd already considered faking a faint, but
realized once again that Kathy would revive me or kill me trying.

***
21:41 30 Aug

     "Doesn't it hurt when you do that?" Pam asked.
     "Well... I mean, the first time it did, but after that I learned
some stuff," like 'use lube' which I wasn't even going to think about
any more.  "And it's, I mean...  It's uncomfortable," I admitted, "but
if he's on top of me, smiling at me, I can live with it," I grinned.
     "What do you mean, you perv," Kathy said with a sly grin.  "How can
you see him smiling if he's plugging you?"
     I sighed.  I usually didn't mind the technical details, but those
didn't usually deal with my social life or subcategories thereof.  "I
mean, I'm on my back, he's on top of me, he's pushing away, and the
friction is like...  And I've got my, uh," and I waved at my crotch.
"Between us," I continued, "so that feels pretty g-  No, fuck that," I
grinned, "it's WONDERFUL."
     Kim asked, "How can he reach..."

***
21:44 30 Aug

     Once I had the borrowed pair of shorts under my dress, I lay down on
the floor and lifted my knees up almost into my armpits like Travis was
going to-
     *Don't think about that,* I told myself as my nervous system
sparked.
     "Oh migod!"  Amanda gasped.
     "How do you DO that?" Sabrina demanded.
     "Do what?" I asked, puzzled, as I rolled my legs back to the floor.

***
21:48 30 Aug

     Apparently I had discovered something new.  At least, everyone was
trying it and commenting upon the concept and what you could do with it.
     This was a lot more detailed than locker rooms ever got, and I had
a feeling it was also more based in reality.
     "Can you do a split too?" Sabrina asked as she dropped her legs
back to the floor and turned her head to face me.
     "Uh, not in shorts," I said.  "I learned that one," I grinned.

***
21:49 30 Aug

     I'd lost some flexibility, I discovered, but I could still get
about a hundred and seventy degrees - maybe it was one-sixty - of leg
spread while sitting on the floor, if I used my hands for balance.
     "You should not be able to do that," Kathy stated.
     "What?  Why not?" I asked as I brought my legs back together.
     "You do a lot of stretching?" she asked instead of answering.
     "Well, I wasn't, but it looks like I ought to-"
     "Not like every day for most of your life?" she pressed.
     "What are you getting at?" Sabrina asked Kathy as I shook my head.
     "Your pelvis shouldn't be able to do that, Val," Kathy said.
"Stand up and take those clothes off," she said in a voice that Was To
Be Obeyed And Right Now.
     I'd stood up and grabbed my buttons before I realized I ought to
protest, and did.  "Why?"
     "Because I need to look at you," she said as she got up herself.
"Come on," she demanded sort of urgently, reminding me of Doc Treble.
     I thought about it, decided I was going to eventually anyway, also
decided that if anyone laughed I was going to bash their tits so hard
they'd invert, and started peeling.
     Then stopped, just in time, and dove for my pack.  "Wedge the door
shut," I said urgently over Kathy's orders, as I dug for and finally
found a door wedge, and tossed it to Sabrina.  "If the parentals walked
in, we'd all wish we were dead."  Sabrina kind of went pale, I think; it
was hard to tell as she blurred with motion and jammed the wedge into
the door.

***
21:52 30 Aug

     "Man, that is weird," Kathy said as she sat back and stopped trying
to feel my hip bones through my flesh.  I was glad; that hurt.
     "What is weird?"
     "I can't...  Guys and girls have different hip bones," Kathy
explained.  "They...  There's a piece around the outside that twists
differently, I forget what it's called.  Val there... I can't tell if
she's got a female-style pelvis or not, and I'm pretty sure I can tell
the difference usually."
     "How do you-"
     "I've done it before, in class," she said.  "Some of the more
advanced first aid stuff, they teach you how to grab bones like that in
case they've been broken in a fall or a crash or something."  She shook
her head once.  "Anyway, I can tell the difference... usually.  Val,
have you ever had a pelvic X-ray?"
     I thought about it, and said, "I don't think so.  I had leg X-rays
done, when I had broken bones...  But I don't think they went that high
up."  And after hearing about femur breakage and the problems that
caused, I was more than glad they hadn't needed to.
     "Get one," she ordered.
     "I probably will," I sighed.  "September is like Torture Tuck Month
with all the doctor visits I've got lined up.  I'll mention it," I lied.
They probably already had one scheduled, or they would once some dork
doctor got done prodding me like Kathy had just done.  "Can I get
dressed?"
     "No.  Take off your bra," Kathy said.
     "Wh-"
     "Val!" she snapped.
     I growled as I started undoing the back clasps.  "How come I'm the
only one that has to get naked?"
     "Fine," Kathy said, and - no lie - pulled off the shirt she'd
changed into after dinner.  Her shorts came off a few seconds later, as
I was still standing there trying to figure out if I was seeing reality,
a hallucination, or having some weird-assed fantasy I'd fallen too
deeply into.
     "Off!" Kathy ordered, as her bra came off, and I decided that I
couldn't be having a fantasy like this; I'd at least want her to be
smiling, wouldn't I?
     I decided I didn't want to remove my bra just yet.
     "Val," Kathy said in a warning tone.
     "Oh, shit," I sighed, and took it off, carefully cradling the
hideously expensive fake boobs in my arms as the whole subassembly
detached.  I put the mess carefully on top of my dress in case I needed
it later, and made sure it was out of the way so no one would step on
one.  That would be too hard to explain...
     "Stand up straight, arms by your side, and rotate slowly to your
left," Kathy said as she stared at me intently.
     "Kathy, what the HELL are you doing?" Sabrina asked as I stood.
     "There is something REALLY wrong here."  Kathy snapped her fingers
a couple of times and ordered, "Val..."  I sighed and started turning.
     "When do you go to the doctors, and what are they?" Kathy asked.
     "Uh..."

***
21:56 30 Aug

     It took a while to remember the rather complicated algorithm to
remotely log into the house system, and to snake through the firewall to
my own computers, but I finally managed, and pulled up the email Mom had
sent onto the laptop.  "Uh, looks like an endo..."  I decided not to
attempt pronunciation right away.
     "Endocrinologist," Kathy said fast, like she was familiar with the
word.
     "What is that?" someone asked.
     "Hormones," Kathy said.  "And your hormones are SERIOUSLY fucked
up, Val, I can guarantee that."
     "We kinda fucking guessed-"
     "I think it may be worse than you thought," she said heavily, and
rubbed her eyes.  "Oh, man...  What else?"
     "Uh...  An MRI- oh crap, those things take forever unless you're an
emergency case," I sighed.  "And an optometrist checkup."
     "You ARE blind," Kathy told me, "but that's not the problem."
     "What IS the problem?"
     "Val-  Tuck," she said, looking me straight in the eyes.  "Go look
at yourself in the mirror."
     "I know what I look like!"
     "No.  You don't," Kathy stated, which chilled me.  "Jill?"
     "Aw, man!" Jill complained, apparently guessing what was next,
which was more than I could manage.

***
21:58 30 Aug

     With Jill standing next to me for comparison - and both of us
almost naked - I could finally see what Kathy was talking about.
     While Jill was not really filled out sideways like some of the
girls were - Kathy said it was the lack of fat, which made Pam pretty
pissed off - she had some curves on her.
     Which were duplicated on me, if you shrank the delta-r by a fair
percentage.  But I had 'em all, in minor but telling amounts.  Hips,
buttocks if we turned sideways and looked, waist - no wonder my pants
didn't fit right any more; the thinnest part of my trunk, where you put
the waistband, had moved up several inches - and chest.
     "See?" Kathy said, and put her hands in a completely unexpected
place.  "It's not just your mammaries," she said as she curved her hands
around my hips, "it's here.  And this is a lot more than I remember you
having the last time I saw you naked."

***
22:02 30 Aug

     "I just don't like thinking about it, okay?" I sighed.  "I mean, I
know, but if I go to the doctors, then something horrible's gonna
happen."
     "Val-"
     "Last time I went to have some sore bits checked out, is when I
learned about this," I reminded them as I waved a hand over my chest.
"What'm I gonna learn this time?"
     "Maybe you can get some of it fixed?" Pam mentioned.
     "You can't fix it.  I checked," I sighed.  "What if they want me to
get surgery or something?"
     "Like what kind of surgery?" Sabrina asked.
     "Anything!  I HATE doctors!  Nurses, hospitals, all of it."
     "Probably something like a double mastectomy," Kathy answered
Sabrina.
     "Which couldn't take care of the rest of it either," I reminded
her.
     "Lipo-"
     "Oh please, they'd need a fucking shop vac!"
     "Val, chill, okay?" Pam suggested.  "Don't yell at us."
     Which, of course, made me want to yell more.  I resisted, though,
and finally let out a sigh.  "I know, I know...  I just hate the entire
damned mess."
     "Besides," Sabrina said casually, "women who get lipo for things
like their hips or butt or whatever, have the same kind of, uh, like,
overall thing you do.  It's not like they just do it in one tiny place."
     "Still," I sighed.  "I hate the idea.  I had too much to do with
most of the medical profession already; I don't want to deal with them
any more."

***
22:04 30 Aug

     The knock on the door scared everyone into immobility but me; I
shut up and dove for my pile of clothes, as soon as I heard the voice
calling, "Are you all right in there?"
     "Get the wedge out!" I hissed, as the doorknob rattled, and I
scrambled into my bra and tits.  When I had that hastily secured, I
grabbed Kathy's sleep shirt and threw it up in the air and got into it
from underneath.  When I came out of it, Jill had already slid on
another shirt and Sabrina was throwing the wedge someplace and opening
the door.
     She got the door open instants after we'd gotten some clothes on,
and then we were sitting around trying to look innocent and think of
conversation to make while she talked a bit with her dad.
     Finally, he left, and Sabrina shut the door, then put her back
against it and slid down with a vague 'whush' of relief.
     Which was when Kathy peeked over the back of the couch.  "He's
gone?"  And she was still almost naked.

***
22:07 30 Aug

     "So," Kathy said, "why don't you get out of MY shirt, change into
whatever you want, and we can change the subject again or someth-  How
about you pick a topic this time?"
     "Huh?  Me?" I asked as I pulled away from Kim.  I'd needed a hug.
     "Why not?" Sabrina asked.  "Anything you want to talk about?" she
asked as she arranged herself artfully on a bed, with covers over her.
     "Ummm..."  I tried to think, but nothing happened.  "I think my
brain melted."
     "It's all that math," Sabrina nodded confidently.
     "Speaking of math," Pam said, "how's Tuck's dad working out?"
     "Grrrreat!" Sabrina grinned, and shot a fist into the air in
victory.  "I got an 87 on my last test!"
     "Wow!" was the general reaction.
     Kathy's face twitched a few times, and then she said eagerly, "Sab,
I have GOT to see you in this Civil Air Patrol uniform."
     "Oh, no!" Sabrina complained.
     I kind of wanted to know how we leapt from 87 to Civil Air Patrol,
but such was Kathy.

***
22:12 30 Aug

     Kathy had threatened me with another pillow beating if I didn't
give her the sleep shirt back RIGHT NOW, so as soon as the door was shut
again, I pulled hers off and got my own nightgown out of my pack.
     "Is this the lesbian orgy part I've heard about?" Julia quipped,
which made me laugh and got Julia a pillow in the head.
     As I slid it on, Jill said, "That... doesn't look like your usual
style.  Where'd you get it?"
     "Amy left it for me, can you believe it?" I asked rhetorically as I
wriggled it around.  "So be nice, 'cause it's like Amy's here in spirit
protecting me tonight!"
     Jill grinned and chuckled a little, and nodded.
     "And next for our amusement, we have Sabrina in Uniform!" Kathy
announced.

***
22:17 30 Aug

     "That's it?" Kathy asked.
     "They won't issue me anything else until I've been there awhile,"
Sabrina grumbled, as she stood there in an OLD old style utility
uniform, without even the front thigh cargo pockets.  "But I AM gonna
make it," she said determinedly.
     I was still staring at it, and finally I voiced my suspicions.
"You had that altered to fit better, didn't you?"
     "Well, yeah," she admitted, and I nodded triumphantly - no field
uniform should look as good, or as flattering, as hers did.  They were
supposed to be ill-fitting and sloppy for a reason.

***
23:49 30 Aug

     "I dunno, I mean..."  I sighed, and had a piece of doughnut.  When
I finished, and had thought about it some more, I said, "It's like, I
want a lot of sex, and I thought guys went for that, but it-  It seems
like I'm asking for too much of it?"
     "How much?" Kathy asked in surprise.
     "Twice a week?"
     "That's too much?" Jill asked.  "I thought guys wanted it, like,
daily?"
     "Or more," Amanda mentioned, nodding.  "Daily's sort of the minimum
requirement or something."
     "Where in god's name do you find the TIME?" Julia complained.  "I
mean, I have problems arranging that with whoever I'm dating, and I
don't work either.  You doing your homework?" she asked me suspiciously.
     "Yes, mother!" I bitched back.
     "So how do you find the time?" Sabrina asked.
     "Well, sometimes that's all we do, on weekday nights," I admitted.
"And I think that's what he's complaining about?  Like he wants to do
more than just that?  But I'm not sure..."
     "Well," Julia said before anyone else could, "how about, you bring
him along next Friday, when me and Dirk are going to see Shakespeare?
'Much Ado About Nothing'."
     "I'll see," I said.  "George made me promise the weekend, and I
might not be able to talk him out of Friday."
     "Tell him you're going out with me," she grinned.
     "Oooooh yeah, THAT'll make him happy," I grinned back.
     "Why were you dating him anyway?" Jill asked.
     "George?" Julia asked, and Jill nodded.  "I dunno... he was
definitely devoted, in his little geeky way, and I really didn't think I
had to worry about him running off with the lead in Hamlet, so-"
     "The lead in Hamlet's a guy, though," I interrupted.
     "Yeah," Julia said disgustedly, and so I shut up.

***
01:41 31 Aug

     "You just..."
     "Just went down on him, yeah.  About the time I figured out what I
was doing," I said, "he was enjoying it, and then, he sort of wanted me
to continue, and it wasn't that bad, I guess..."  I shrugged, then
noticed I was strangling a blanket so I stopped doing that.
     "God, I could never..."  Pam trailed off, in wonder or disgust.
     "It's not that bad," Sabrina disagreed.
     "Who," Kathy asked, "has done this?  Voluntarily?" she added.  And
raised her own hand.
     It was me and Kathy and Sabrina, and Julia put hers up a bit later.
Amanda asked, "What if you tried and couldn't do it?  Does that count?"
     "Why not?"
     "I kept gagging," Amanda admitted.  "How do you keep from gagging?"
     "Just..." Sabrina started before she stopped.
     "I kind of keep it in the front of my mouth, like just the tip?" I
said.  "That way, it doesn't go so far down."
     "Oh man," Kim sighed.  "That is so gross."
     "Don't knock it 'til you've tried it," Kathy grinned.  "No, really,
like Val said, if you just keep the head in your mouth, and DO NOT let
them shove it in further, then it-"
     "HOW do you keep 'em from doing that?" Amanda asked.
     "Push 'em off," Kathy said.  "Or, if they're lying down on
something, just don't let 'em shove up, like lay on their legs."
     "You're stronger than me," Amanda complained.
     "No, you can," Sabrina said.  "I can, anyway.  Besides, you can
always open your mouth real wide and sort of stop, if they do."
     "Or put your hands around it," Julia said.  "Like this," and
demonstrated, hands wrapped around an imaginary penis and acting as a
mechanical stop.
     "Val?" Amanda asked.
     "Yeah," I agreed.  "But DON'T just forget about it, or think that
just because he's not doing it now, he won't as he gets closer."  I sort
of chuckled, and added, "They tend to push real hard when they're
getting close..."

***
01:44 31 Aug

     "Wait wait," Kathy interrupted.  "How come you didn't gag BEFORE he
pulled out?"
     "Uh, it's really weird," I admitted, and tried to scratch my actual
breasts, which were itching, and found I couldn't do it through the
fakes.  "Don't watch," I warned, and then dug through the bra and
rubbed gently.
     "Itching?" Kathy confirmed, and we both nodded at each other.
     "That's not good, is it?" I realized.
     "They're growing, but you already knew that," she said.  "So how
come you didn't-"
     "Oh, yeah.  I've been intubated a lot, for asthma, so it's like I
learned to just 'not-throw-up' until I had a clear airway.  I guess," I
realized, "that means I COULD 'deep throat' someone, if they could get
done before I couldn't hold my breath any more..."
     "And then you'd throw up all over 'em?" Pam guessed, and I nodded.
"WHY do guys WANT that?" she demanded, glaring at me like it was my
fault.  "If it makes you throw up..."  She trailed off in disgust.
     "What, you're asking ME?" I shot back.  "How should _I_ know?"
     "Ask Mike?" Jill suggested, and then lurched as Kim hit her hard in
the arm.  "Ow!  Bitch!" she complained, and hit Kim back.
     "I think," Kathy said, "it's like, it's the...  The deeper it gets,
the closer it feels to a vagina," she said.  "Val?"
     I shrugged.  "I dunno.  That sounds reasonable..."
     "But you don't know?"  I shook my head.  "He doesn't do it for
you?"
     "Huh?"
     "What do, what does he do for you?" Kathy asked.
     "Uh...  I, I like him-"
     "Not that," Sabrina said scornfully.  "What sort of WICKED
PERVERTED things does he do to YOU in BED?"
     I laughed a little, as I sparked a bit, and said, "Uh, remember the
sex thing?"
     "Does he ever go down on you?" Julia asked.
     "Uh, no...  I never asked him to either, though," I admitted.
     "Why not?" Julia asked.  "Fair is fair," she added with a grin.
"That's ALWAYS been one of my rules."
     "Yeah, why not?" Pam asked.
     "Uh..."  I shrugged.  "It's, I dunno..."
     "Waitwaitwait," Kim said.  "He fucks you anally, and you go down on
him.  Right?"
     "That's kinda-"
     "-Rude!" Amanda sort of gasped.
     "Right?!" Kim pressed me.
     "Yeah, I guess!" I shot back.
     "What does he do for you?"  Other people got it then, I could tell.
     "Uh, well, when we have sex, he's like on top of me, and so, uh,
it, uh, we sort of rub together-"
     "That's it?"
     "He never goes down on you?"
     "Do you ever, like, have sex-"
     "What about a hand job?"
     "WAIT!" I complained, holding up my hands.  "Look, that's what we
do together, okay?"
     They all looked at me for a while.
     "If," Julia said finally, "he likes you so much, why doesn't he do
something more for you, something that isn't kind of a, uh, like a
byproduct?"
     "Have you ever asked him to go down on you?" Kathy asked, more
understandably.
     I thought I'd already answered that one.  "No?"
     Like I knew she was going to, she asked, "Why not?"
     "Wait," Julia said to Kathy before I could say anything.  Then to
me, she asked, "Valerie, have you ever gone out with him, where you were
dressed and acting like a guy?  Or has it always been as Valerie?"
     I was starting to wish I'd been gaming tonight instead of coming
here.  "No!  I mean, yeah, I don't..."
     "DID you tell him at some point that you were in fact MALE?" Julia
almost roared.
     "Shhhh!" Sabrina insisted with a nervous glance at the door.
     "Wouldn't he have had to figure it out when they were gettin'
nekkid?" Jill asked Julia.
     "That depends on how naked Val gets," Julia answered.  "Val?"
     "Yes!  He knows!"
     "But," Amanda said softly, "you don't ever ever mention that, do
you?"
     "No?"

***
02:11 31 Aug

     "No, it's not abusive," Pam countered, "but it's not healthy
either.  Val, why don't you talk to him about this?"
     "'Cause she's afraid that if she does, she'll screw up what she's
got going right now," Julia answered, not sounding pleased.  "Right,
Val?"
     "Uh, yeah," I lamely admitted.  "Look, wait, though...  Is that so
wrong?  I mean, he knows, and it's not like we're going to get married
or something," at least not in my foreseeable future, "so I mean, do I
have to like wreck what we've both got by bringing this up and shoving
his face in it?"
     "If you don't, it's basically a relationship built upon..."  Kathy
thought.  "Not lies, but definitely deception."
     "I'm not-"
     "No, not deception," Pam agreed with me.  "But, it's like lying by
omission except you're both doing it at the same time.  Like, like, an
alcoholic or something, you're both pretending a problem doesn't exist
when in fact there's at least one problem there."
     "And what happens when you let problems grow, Val?" Kathy said to
me.
     "Look," I said firmly, "I, we, he and I, we talked about it some,
and that's enough for me.  If he wants to bring it up again, we'll talk
more about it, but I am NOT going to fuck this up just to make sure
everything is 'out in the open' or whatever.  Isn't a relationship, of
any sort, supposed to be more than just problems?" I asked all of them.
"Like good times and conversations and shared interests and stuff?  Why
does it always have to be about solving the problems in the
relationship?"
     "Because if you don't solve the problems," Pam answered, like I
should know this and believe it already, "they're still there."
     "This is NOT A PROBLEM!" I insisted, and got shushed by Sabrina
again.  "Look," I said quieter, "we've just been dating a couple of
months so far.  Can I wait to talk about serious shit like this when I'm
more sure it's going to last past Christmas or something?  You don't
tell someone you just started dating all your problems, do you?"
     "We also don't tend to have sex with them this soon in a
relationship either," Kathy said.
     "Not any more," Pam sighed, and several of the girls looked at her
and nodded, but Julia looked like she didn't know what was going on
either.  Pam explained, "Sometimes you can use lots of sex to cover up
the other holes in the relationship, and, Val, it sounds like you've got
at least a few."
     As I tried to think of something else to say, Kim put a hand on my
shoulder.  "Val, look, we're not saying that tomorrow should be an
all-day couples therapy session between you two.  We just want you to
realize, that you're, you're-"
     "You're setting yourself up for problems down the road," Sabrina
finished.  "And the earlier you talk to him about things like this, the
less it's gonna hurt."
     "If you'd figured out Debbie was going to be a problem sooner,"
Jill told me, "then it wouldn't have hurt so bad when she exploded.  WE
all know she's got problems with her temper, and with talking to people
about her problems, but I don't think she told YOU that, did she?  See?"
she said, not waiting for a response from me.
     "Val," Kathy said, sounding kind of final, "just keep it in mind,
okay?  The longer it goes on, the relationship between you and him, the
more important it is to you, and the worse the holes are going to get.
Talk to him SOME time, okay?"
     "Okay!  I will, I will, just not right now..."  I couldn't really
stand the thought of doing this any time soon, even if there was a
reason to talk to him about it, which I still doubted.  I mean, WE were
happy with things the way they were, and it was OUR relationship, not
everyone else's.
     Long pause.
     "That'll be five cents, please," Julia quipped.

***
02:30 31 Aug

     "It's just," Jill moaned as she wriggled closer to me in the
crowded bed, "that Kathy makes me SO hot..."
     "Shut up, bitch, or I'll hurt you," Kathy sighed as she sat down on
the freshly-uncovered side of the bed.
     "Whips and leather and chains, oh my!" I improvised, which got some
sleepy chuckles.

***


"The Gods, too, are fond of a joke." - Aristotle


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+ ==[--------   Ellen Hayes   @>--,--'---      ellen@barkingduck.net +
PGP DH/DSS keyfing: 33D4 156A AE39 53E2 0313  6714 2878 56A8 61B0 9CDC
+ http://www.barkingduck.net/ehayes -=[1990]=- vicki .sig virus 11.4 +


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