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Tuck Walk -*- Copyright 2001 by Ellen Hayes.

Any resemblance between the writings in this work, and any actual
persons or places, living or dead, are purely coincidental, except when
used for satirical purposes.

This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and
possibly sex.  If you are legally not allowed to read materials
containing such things, then you will be breaking the law by reading
this.  I am not responsible.
Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it
in any format means that you explicitly affirm that you are legally
allowed to possess and read such materials in your city, county/parish,
state, and country.

All rights reserved.  See the bottom for distribution rights.


Tuck Walk


***
09:09 27 Jul

     "I thought you'd be up already," Jill said right as I came out of
the bathroom.
     "Ahhh!" I said, because I don't think I'd really comprehended that
they could possibly still be there.
     Then Brian came out of his room fully dressed, saw Kathy and Jill
and Kim up in the hallway, and commented, "Ahhh!"
     I felt better; I wasn't the only one.
     And, either my rear had stopped hurting, or the pain I was feeling
from everything else was masking it, I couldn't tell which.

***
09:11 27 Jul

     "No, I need to check my phone messages, actually," I told them.
     "Aw come on-"
     "No!  I need to do it NOW.  Really," I insisted.  "It's important."
     "How important?" Kim smirked.
     "Mike's birthday?"
     "Oh."  Now she looked like she did indeed think it important.

***
09:14 27 Jul

     "Yes!"  As I disconnected from the voicemail system, Kim babbled
something which I could just barely not hear, so I pulled the headphones
off.  "What?"
     "Did you get it?"
     "It's ready!  And I can pick it up today at noon!"  Thank Ghu.  And
thank Ghu again that they left a message yesterday.
     "What did you get?"
     "SHHHHH!"  I looked around, but luckily Mike was nowhere to be
seen.  "He's here somewhere.  I'll tell you later.  Hey..."  I put the
headphones back on and dialed Rachel.
     Eventually, Rachel answered, "Hello?"
     "Rachel?  It's me, Val," I said as I made doubly sure the bedroom
door was shut.
     "Oh, hi," she yawned.
     "Want to go out to breakfast, my treat?"
     "Oh.... okay!" she smiled at the phone.  "Yeah, that'd be great!"

***
09:18 27 Jul

     I made sure to snag the bottle of Tylenol out of the bathroom
before I got dragged away.  It was going to be a long day.

***
10:32 27 Jul

     "So what DID you get him?" Jill asked as we sat down at a booth.
     I chuckled and rubbed my hands.  "Promise not to tell?"
     "Who?" Rachel asked.

***
10:34 27 Jul

     "And if you slip me a few bucks, and only because this thing is
horribly expensive, then I'll let you sign the card too."
     Kim and Jill looked at each other, then back at me.  "How many
bucks?" Jill asked.
     "Ten," I said.  It really wasn't a fair share, but I thought Mike
deserved it anyway, whether they did or not.
     "That's fair," Jill nodded, and rolled and pulled her wallet out of
her back pocket.
     "Oooh," Kim commented, and dug in her purse, eventually handing me
an envelope with nice lovely rustling green things in it.  "Since you
mentioned it."
     "That sounds really nice," Rachel said, "that you went to all that
trouble."
     "You don't think it's dorky?" I confirmed.
     She thought about it, then shook her head.  "I mean, I don't know
him too well, but if he works that hard..."  We all nodded.  "Then I
guess, I mean, he wants to do it, and it'd be nice to, for you to
recognize him for it," she bobbed her head in agreement with herself.
     "I agree, I mean, he might not want to wear it to school," Jill
said, which made me groan in such pain I missed the rest of it.

***
10:38 27 Jul

     "Weren't you going to take that cosmetology thing this year?"
Rachel asked.
     "Oh God," Kim whined, and put her head in her hands on the table,
almost into her plate.
     "What?" Jill and I asked, with almost identical sounds of concern
in our voices.  Or maybe it was terror.
     Kim sat back up and groaned, "I found out when it is...  It's at
seven in the damned morning!  We have to go to class at seven in the
morning!"
     "Oh God," Jill moaned.
     "My life sucks," I decided.
     "At least you get out early, don't you?" Rachel said, trying to
make us happier.  I restrained myself from biting her.
     "When do you start classes, Rachel?" Kim asked, and I was grateful
for the diversion.  Or suppression, or whatever it was called when you
changed the topic off of something you didn't want to think about.

***
10:40 27 Jul

     "But, I mean, if you don't want to take the cosmetology class,"
Rachel brought the subject back up again, "can't you drop it or
something?"
     I said, "No."  Then I remembered, if I really had to, I could
probably 'burn' my goodwill with Dobson.  Though I might REALLY want
that saved up for later on... and it wasn't like it was going to destroy
my macho reputation anyway.  What would they do, call me a fag, steal my
pack, and try and stuff me into a trash barrel?  And how would that
differ from their usual forms of social interaction with me?
     "Oh, come on!" Jill whined.  "Val!"
     "What?"
     "Don't leave me in there by myself!" she begged.
     Kim gave her a weird look.  "Jill," Kim said patiently, "I'll be in
there with you-"
     "You already know half this stuff," Jill complained at Kim.  "Come
on, Val, please?  Don't drop it."
     "Why don't we both drop it?" I asked, just for the sake of
discussion.
     "'Cause..."  Everyone waited for the rest of it.  I know I wanted
to hear what the hell she was talking about.  "'Cause I don't get any of
it and I want to learn it, but I want someone else in there who doesn't
have a clue either so we can study together."
     I had to laugh, and I kept laughing even after Jill started beating
on me.

***
11:21 27 Jul

     I was fixing my makeup in a compact when I got that strange creepy
feeling you get when everybody is looking at you.  I looked up, and
everybody was looking at me.  "What?"
     "Have you been practicing that or something?" Jill smarted off.
     "You're just jealous," I smarted back.
     "Of your makeup?" she smarted back-back.
     "You're not wearing any," Rachel observed casually, from her
vantage point in the next dimension.
     Kim and I smiled at each other.

***
11:24 27 Jul

     "Gawd," I commented, looking at Jill after she turned around.  The
dark lipstick that made me look older, made her look almost scary, like
a sexual predator like a succubus or vampire or something.
     Except for the blush she had, all over.
     "What?" she challenged me nastily.
     "I think it looks great!"
     Her face went all confused.  "What?"
     "Kinda overdone for Sunday morning, but, I mean... look," I pointed
at the mirror, and she looked again, and looked really uncertain.
Someone flushed and came out and smiled at us, then did a double take at
Jill, then smiled again specifically at her.

***
11:29 27 Jul

     "Wow," Kim said admiringly as we made our way back to our table.
I'd added some more from my purse and sort of 'unified the look' or
something like that.  At least the lipstick wasn't so startling, being
all by itself on her face like it was before.  "That looks good, Jill."
     "It's a little heavy for daytime, though," Rachel said while
nodding.  "I mean, _I_ think.  Maybe?"  She didn't sound too sure.
     "Maybe you ought to wear something black with it or something," Kim
mused, concentrating on Jill.
     "What?" Jill asked nervously.

***
11:30 27 Jul

     The half-moaned half-screamed "Noooooooo!" caused everyone in the
cafe to look at us.

***
12:11 27 Jul

     Jill was still sulking, but we had managed to get her out of the
car and moving towards the mall.  I was going to pick up Mike's birthday
present, and then we were going to find something horribly gothic for
Jill's current makeup.  Naturally, she hated the idea.
     Me, I had a certain perverse interest in dressing HER in skirts.
Call it belated revenge or something.

***
12:18 27 Jul

     Most of my paycheck had disappeared, and only 'most' because I'd
stopped at an ATM to get some more cash out of my savings account, but I
was now in possession of Mike's birthday present.  A day early, even.
     "Can I see it again?" Jill asked nicely, so I pulled it out of my
purse and let her see it.  "Man..." she said reverently.
     "That is really neat," Rachel agreed, nodding as she peeked over
Kim's shoulder.

***
12:23 27 Jul

     "Do I have to?" Jill whined.
     "Come on, Jill," I said soothingly.  "It'll make you look really
great."
     "I don't have the money for this," she sighed, but it was sort of a
giving-in kind of sigh.
     "I'll go halfsies, if you pay me back sometime?" I offered.
     She thought about it a few seconds, then shook her head.  "No, I
mean, I need to save my money."
     "Why?"
     She looked at me like I'd forgotten something really important
because I was stupid.  I hated looks like that.  "My cycle?"
     "Your what?"
     "I'm getting a motorcycle."
     "You're WHAT?"
     Now Jill and Kim both looked confused.  Rachel didn't look any more
confused than normal, I noted.  "Didn't she tell you?" Kim asked me.
     "No?"  I said more assertively, "Nobody ever mentioned anything of
the sort."
     Pause.
     "I'm really sure no one said anything to me," I reiterated.
     Another pause.
     Eventually, Jill stated, "I'm saving up to get a motorcycle."
     "That's really neat," Rachel enthused.
     "Cool!" I replied.  Then, "Why a motorcycle?"
     Jill explained, "Because cycles are cool, and 'cause I can get a
better one for the money than I can a car."
     I thought about that until it made sense.  "What are you gonna do
when it rains?  Or snows?"
     Jill smiled at me.  "Why do you think I hang around with you
lunatics all the time?  So you can give me RIDES when it rains!" she
answered herself.
     "Hah!" Kim challenged.  "Get into that dress, wench!"
     "Oh yeah, make me," Jill countered with a grin.

***
12:24 27 Jul

     "O-KAY you made your point!  Put me DOWN!" Jill complained,
sounding amazingly girl-like for once.  Kim lowered Jill's legs
carefully to the ground and I pushed her back upright.  "Jeez," she
complained, brushing herself off and completely failing to do anything
with the blush she had going.
     "I think it'd look really good," Rachel commented, looking at the
dress I'd taken away from Jill and handed to her.  "With everything, the
hair and the makeup and everything."
     "Oh jeez," Jill complained, still blushing.

***
12:28 27 Jul

     "Wow!" Rachel said first, echoed by me and Kim.
     "Shut up," Jill complained, her neck and ears turning bright red.
     "No!" Kim argued.  "It looks great!"
     "I look like a vampire!"
     "And SO sexy," I said.  Then I had to dodge her attack.

***
12:41 27 Jul

     "How does this look?" I asked Kim, turning around.
     She shrugged.  "Not too bad."
     "Not too bad?"  Damn.  That meant it su-
     "It's fine, Val," she smiled at me.  "Nice and casual."
     "Which?"  She rolled her eyes at me.  "No, come on, which is it?"

***
12:58 27 Jul

     "OOOH I gotta try on those shoes," I said without being able to
stop myself.  Then it was too late, and I might as well try them on.
"Come on!"
     Rachel came with me, but Jill called, "I'm staying out here where
it's safe, thanks."

***
13:03 27 Jul

     Jill glared at me as we waited for shoes to be brought forth.
     "I need some more shoes," I told her when I got tired of being
glared at.
     "_I_ don't," she emphasized.
     "Jill, Jill, Jill," Kim said sadly, shaking her head and not
letting go of Jill's arm.  "Yes you do."
     "No I DON'T!"

***
13:11 27 Jul

     "You can walk on those?" Jill said incredulously.
     "I dunno, but I'll try it," I replied, and carefully stood up.
     Then I took a few steps.  Apparently, I could.
     "Those look really funky," Rachel said admiringly, and Jill looked
disgusted at her.  "What, I like platforms!"

***
13:14 27 Jul

     "NO!" Jill insisted, in a tone that said a lot more than just 'no'.
     I stopped but, insanely, Kim didn't.  "Come on, Jill," she said in
a stern tone, "you need to get-"
     "NO I do NOT," Jill snarled.
     "Kim-" I tried.
     She ignored me and snapped, "Jeezus, Jill, stop fucking around,
okay?  You-" was the last thing she got out before Jill punched her.

***
13:15 27 Jul

     "Jill!  Wait!" I called as I dodged a group of mall bunnies and got
out the front door of the shoe place.  "Jill, come on!"  Maybe I was
going the wrong way, chasing Jill instead of staying with Kim, but Kim
was in one place with Rachel to take care of her; I had no idea what
Jill was going to do next, but I had a strong feeling that one wrong
word from one clueless mundane and she would go to jail.
     I sprinted a bit and caught up to her, calling, "Jill?" and was
completely astonished to see tears on her face as she swung at me.
     I ducked instead of blocking.  "Jill?  Come on, it's just Kim
teasing you about shoes.  What's going on?" I asked her softer.
     She stopped trying to hit me and just stood there, all screwed up
and tears streaming down her face.
     "Nothing, okay?" she finally snapped at me.
     We paused, as I tried to guess whether it would be better to try
and dig this out, or leave it alone.
     She took it out of my hands.  "I mean, it's just, I mean," she
gargled past the spit and snot, "I mean, you KNOW all this stuff, and,
and, and it's like with that stupid dress, _I_ don't know what to do
with a dress like that, I mean who is that?"
     "Jill?  You're not making sense to me," I said cautiously, ready to
dodge again if she went after me.
     "I just..."  She turned away.
     I carefully walked up to her and touched her on the arm.  When that
didn't get me punched, I slid my arm in hers and sort of pulled her
towards a bench so we could sit and talk.
     I completely did not expect her to grab me and start sobbing into
my shoulder.

***
13:18 27 Jul

     Kim and Rachel came out, Kim looking really peeved until she saw or
heard Jill.  Then she stopped and got this 'WhaFUCK?' expression of
purest confusion.  Rachel just moved her along with an arm at her back,
towards me and Jill.

***
13:20 27 Jul

     "Jill?" Kim asked carefully, as Jill was sort of winding down.
     "Yeah, give me a minute," Jill grated as she sat down and Rachel
handed her some paper napkins.
     'Whafuck?' was back on Kim's face, and I had to shrug.  I had no
idea either.
     "Can we go out to the car?" Jill asked, gulping.

***
13:25 27 Jul

     "It's just," Jill started, "I mean, I've got all those asshole
brothers and my stepdad, right?  So, I mean, when Mom caved and married
the asshole, it's like, that was it, right?  I used to be a girl and
that was okay, but now all that girls are good for is like housework."
I glanced at Kim, and she had a stern look on her face that told me this
wasn't something new.  To her, at least.  "So, I mean, I WANTED to get,
to be liked and stuff, so I tried to be like my brothers, so hard," she
sobbed once and then caught it and killed it.  "So," she said, "so, it's
like, I missed like all of anything positive about being female, you
know?  So, like... I mean," she looked at me, and looked awful, "when,
when you started, hanging with us and all that," she pointed at me, and
I think we all knew what she was talking about, "I was thinking like,
'Ha ha now he's gonna find out how shitty it really is', right?  Except
you, I dunno, you got like better at it than I EVER did, and, but you
weren't a fuck about it like some people, like Sabrina can be sometimes,
I mean you were still cool.  So, so..."
     Jill swallowed and wiped her eyes.  "So I mean, like, here _I_ am,
like this Ugly Duckling mutant thing, and it's like you don't even
notice, or something, and then it's like 'Well shit if he can do it I
can do it too maybe' or something like that.  But, I mean, it, it SCARES
me, man!  I don't even know what you're doing or why or anything, and
you just keep doing stuff to me and making me wear stuff and buy stuff
and I don't even know who this is, I mean it's like I thought that just
wasn't gonna be me any more, I was gonna be this freak and it was okay
when I was just a freak, but now it's like you're trying to drag me
back," her chest heaved as she started to sob again while trying to
talk, "and, an' an' he used to HIT me for it when I was little-"  And
then she stopped making sense and just grabbed on to me again and
started crying so hard I thought she was going to retch.
     I looked at Kim, and she was looking pale and chewing on her lip
and her face said 'uh oh I pushed it way too far and I was stupid'.
     I felt kinda bad too - I'd had no idea - but mostly I was pissed.

***
13:29 27 Jul

     Jill sat up suddenly.  "Oh crap I gotta go to work oh my God-"
     "No!" all three of us insisted at the same time.  I added, "Not
today, Jill, not when you're like-"
     "But I CAN'T I have to-"
     "Doctor's note," I realized.  "Jill you could take off when you're
sick, right?"
     "Yeah but I need the money-"
     "FUCK the money," I said emphatically, and dug in my purse.  "Here,
take this, whatever you need," I told her, and handed her my pay
envelope.  "I need to get to a phone, Kim, wh-"  Kim handed me a
cellphone.  "Thanks."
     I dialed my house and then stuck a finger in my ear, because Jill
was squalling protests and things.  "No, Jill, you need to take the rest
of the day off," I broadcast before someone picked up the phone.
     "Hello?"
     I couldn't quite tell who it was.  "Hey, it's Tuck, is Doc Treble
still there?  I need to talk to her, like urgent."
     "Yeah, hold on," the anonymous person said.
     "No!  Val!  I NEED that job!" Jill almost screamed.
     "You'll have it!  But you also need to talk, like right fucking
now," I informed her, "and I'm gonna get you-"
     "Hello?" Doc Treble said in my ear.
     "Doc, it's me Tuck, I need a doctor's excuse for a friend of mine
to get out of work today."  There were some unhappy noises on my side
and I looked up and saw Kim holding Jill down.
     "Why?"
     "Because she's like having a freak-out and she needs to talk about
it and she's scheduled to be at work in half an hour."
     "What kind of freak-out?"
     I handed the phone to Jill.  "Jill, talk to the Doc."
     She didn't take it.  "NO!  I don't need to take today off, I can do
it, please God don't do this to me PLEASE please don't..." she sobbed.
     I put the phone back up to my ear.  "Doc?"
     "If you do it, it's your responsibility," Doc Treble reminded me.
     "I know already!  I accept full responsibility," I said formally.
That meant that everything subsequent was unavoidably my problem, up to
and including explaining to her boss why I'd kidnapped her.  If I had
to.
     "Okay, then," she agreed.  "I think she could probably use a day
off and a friendly ear.  What's the number?"
     "What's the number for Jill's work?" I asked, and Jill tried
screaming but Kim recited it while her and Rachel kept Jill from
breaking all of us, and I recited it into the cellphone.
     "Okay... tell me what you can when you get back, okay?" she said.
     "Will do."
     "'Bye," she said, and hung up.
     I motioned to Rachel and Kim to let go.  "Jill, s'too late, you
have the day off-"
     "You FUCKER!" she raged, and jumped me.

***
13:35 27 Jul

     "I wi' I ha' my cah," I mumbled through the paper napkin that was
absorbing the blood from my lip.  "Gah firs' ai' stuff inni'."
     "That's a good idea, I guess," Kim said absently, watching Jill.
     I leaned back on the trunk and wondered why I set myself up for
things like this.

***
13:38 27 Jul

     She seemed like she was running down at the moment, so I took a
chance of setting her off again.  "Jill?  Look, I did what I did 'cause
I think you need to talk about it."
     "Fuck you," she said sullenly.
     "Jill, goddamnit," I snapped, "we're trying to fucking HELP here,
and, and..."
     I realized something Really Important, and said, sounding surprised
instead of angry any more, because I was, "... and there's nobody who's
gonna understand this shit better than me."
     She looked up at me.
     I pointed at the skirt and sleeveless sweater I was wearing, and
the breast forms, and the trouser socks, and everything.
     "Is there?" I added.
     She looked some more at me, and then her eyes closed and she sort
of crumpled.
     I sighed.  *At least she's not trying to beat me any more.*
     Now I had to-
     *Oh CRAP!  I'm supposed to be cooking today!*
     As my mind whirled with excuses to explain to my parents why I
wasn't going to be there, and at the thought of paying for all of them
to go out to a restaurant - Dad's favorite punishments for evading
responsibility being financial - Jill finally spoke.  "Okay, we can
fucking talk.  But not out here, man, it's too public and shit."
     My brain went 'twink!' as the set of solutions overlapped.  "Uh,
how about my place?  And I'm supposed to cook Sunday dinner, but that
means I can declare the kitchen off limits for a while, and I'll give
you a nice big sharp knife to chop vegetables up with.  And kill anyone
who interrupts.  Sound good?"
     Jill looked at me, and then half-choked and half-giggled once, and
nodded.  "Can I take the knife home with me?"
     "Uh- we'll discuss it?" I offered.  Actually, I'd get in a lot of
trouble if I let Jill take one of Mom's good kitchen knives home and
murder her family with it; they'd impound the knife as evidence and then
Mom would blame me.  Maybe I could get her to consider something else
murderous...

***
13:40 27 Jul

     "The problem is," I told Rachel, "Everyone's taking the last half
of first aid at my house today, so-"  I stopped when she started
giggling.  "What?"

***
13:41 27 Jul

     Rachel asked, "Well, I mean, would it help if I came with you?"
     I thought about it.  "Yeah, I guess it would.  If you don't mind
hanging out in the kitchen."
     She gave a tiny frown.  "Why would I?"

***
14:11 27 Jul

     I wondered if I could convince my parents to give me a credit card
now, since I was doing my therapy thing as well as the Sunday dinner
thing-
     *Oh, wait, are they gonna make me do this during school?* I
wondered, and then groaned out loud as I realized how little time I had
left in the paradise of Summer Vacation.
     After a bit of wretched moaning, I sighed and straightened up.
*'Carry on carry on' and all that,* I told myself.  *Anyway, if they
are, this would be slightly more convenient for everyone than slipping
me cash or doing wire transfers.  I'll ask.  Though not at dinner
tonight,* I decided.  Too many outsiders.
     Which brought up the idea of dinner tonight, which I was cooking,
and thus the reason I was in a grocery store, and therefore I should get
on with selecting food.

***
14:32 27 Jul

     Luckily, they took ATM cards, because I had no idea where my pay
envelope had gone after I'd given it to Jill, and I didn't have that
much cash after yesterday, and I'd need the rest of it later anyway.

***
14:49 27 Jul

     "Are you cooking?" asked Mike as I brought in the second load of
groceries through the back door, AKA the loading dock.  The bandage on
his head upset me for a second until I remembered what he, and everyone
else, were supposed to be doing today.
     "Yep," I grinned.  Then I stopped smiling.  "Mike, we're gonna be
under seal for a while.  Don't ask.  Keep Amy out, 'kay?"
     "'Kay," he agreed.  Then he turned and yelled, "TUCK'S COOKING
TONIGHT!" as he went back through the door.

***
14:55 27 Jul

     Doc Treble knocked and came in as I was getting the girls settled
in.  "Who's the patient?" she asked.
     I pointed at Jill, who looked like she was going to protest.
     "That's a nasty stomach flu you've got," Doc Treble told her, "but
you should be better tomorrow.  Just take it easy the rest of the day.
How are you doing otherwise?"  Jill eventually nodded, lying that
otherwise things were okay.  "Good," Doc Treble said as she turned back
to me.  "Eug-"  I handed her the sixty dollars office fee.  "Thank you!"
She went to the refrigerator, got a six-pack of cokes out, and left with
it.  And my money.
     Now Rachel, Kim, and Jill were all looking at me.
     "Um," I explained, "we have a deal, but it doesn't work so well for
me or Mike because then she'll tell our parents we're playing hooky, and
that's usually worse.  But she won't tell yours," I told Jill before she
could think of that herself.  I could also have mentioned how expensive
it was, but that would set her off too.
     "But-"
     "And if she says for nobody to come in here, then no one will, not
even Brian.  OR listen at the door."
     Jill wrapped her arms around herself.  Boy, did THAT look familiar.
I ended up like that most times at Sheila's.  Probably for the same
reasons.

***
15:12 27 Jul

     Luckily, cooking did not take my entire brain, or even most of my
brain, especially when I had kitchen drudges to help with chopping and
so on.
     "So even the sports didn't help," Jill kept explaining as she
snapped string beans.  I'd offered her a knife, but she'd said she was
afraid she'd run amok with it.  "I mean, it was like-  All I was ever
good for was housework and a punching bag, and nobody STOPPED it and
nobody listens to me at all, not even my mom-"
     "Man!" Rachel said, amazed.  "That's horrible!"

***
15:30 27 Jul

     "So, like, why didn't your mom do something?"
     Jill shook her head.  "Because she's a pathetic shit," she snarled.

***
15:58 27 Jul

     "So, I mean, you had to have help to break out of this," Rachel
said.  "Otherwise you'd have turned out more like your mom."
     Jill shook her head and glanced at me, but it was Kim who spoke up.
"Debbie figured out what was going on back in sixth grade and started
being friends with her, and after that we all tried to help her out and
stuff."
     I got sort of upset when I heard that, but that was because of
Debbie and me; I didn't really want to hear about ANYthing involving
her.  I had to admit, though, hearing what Jill was saying it was hard
to believe she'd gotten this far.
     "Jill," Kim said, "I am REALLY sorry about today."
     Jill nodded, still sniffling.

***
16:20 27 Jul

     "I dunno, though," Rachel said.  "I mean, it's kind of fun to play
with, but you don't have to do it all the time.  But, I mean... I dunno,
it's like it's useful?"
     "Huh?" was the general reaction to that.
     "Well," Rachel said more confidently, "sometimes people expect it,
like job interviews or things like that, but other times, you can do
what you want, I mean you don't have to be ultra-feminine ALL the time.
But it's nice to be able to do it when you want to, or when it's a good
idea."
     "God knows, Mom's never been like that," I commented.  "Or Doc
Treble."  Susan was a special case; I had thought she was
overcompensating due to her repressed serial-killer desires, but that
didn't explain where the serial-killer part had gone when she was away
at college.  "But they can when they want to, yeah."
     "But it's, I mean, it's HARD!" Jill complained, looking agitated
again.  "And if you do anything wrong, everyone makes fun of you!"

***
17:06 27 Jul

     "Okay, so, why don't you just let the other girls help you with
it," Rachel suggested, "and then you tell them a little before you get
to the point of freaking out?  And then the others," she looked at Kim
and me, "can just take it a little easier on you, and be, I mean watch a
little closer to see when you're getting upset.  And now they'll listen
when you say it's enough, right?"
     "Absolutely," Kim nodded.
     "Oh yeah."
     "But, I mean, it's scary..." Jill sort of whined.
     "Jill?" I said, and she looked at me.  "Really, I mean, _I_ know
this part, and it gets a lot less scary if you practice it.  We'll help.
Besides, we won't ever make you do it by yourself.  Alone or something."
     "Heck, if we can change Tuck in the car, we can change you too,"
Kim smiled.
     Jill laughed, and laughed, and laughed, and cupped her breasts and
then imitated stuffing something in bra cups, and then we all laughed.

***
17:39 27 Jul

     Mike knocked at the closed door to the kitchen, and since we'd sort
of drifted off the topic of Jill onto other things, I yelled, "Come in!"
     He did.  He also gave us the eye, then asked me, "What's up?"
     There was a sudden silence in the room.
     "Classified," I told him.
     "Aw, man!  Still?" he complained, before he sighed in resignation.
"Not about me, is it?"
     "No, we already all know you're a butthead," I smirked.
     "Oh, thanks, Tuck, that means so much coming from a dork like you,"
he said as he bowed to me.  "You guys still under seal or can me and Amy
come in and hang out?"
     Jill nodded, Kim shrugged, and Rachel looked at me.
     "I think so..." I said hesitantly, looking at the other girls as I
did to see if they'd object.  They didn't.
     "Cool.  Hey Tuck, want a bandage?" Mike grinned.

***
18:07 27 Jul

     "Hey, gimme some," Brian complained as he reached for the platter
as I was carrying it to the table.
     "Dolt, get yer fingers outta that!" I said, carefully yanking the
platter away without centrifuging sauce all over the walls.  "Give me a
minute, jeez!  Go sit down or something."
     "Hurry UP!"
     "Get out of my way and I will!" I said back.

***
18:10 27 Jul

     "Yeah?"
     Mom nodded, her eyes still closed and her mouth still chewing.
     "Good?"
     She nodded some more.
     "Great?"
     Again the nod.
     "Fantastic?"
     And once more.
     "Can I have two hundred dollars?"
     Her eyes popped open and she glared at me as she shook her head.
     "Just checking," I sighed.
     She rolled her eyes and swallowed.  "Nice try, Eugene," she said
with a smirk.
     "Can I take him back to New York with me?" Amy asked.
     Before my parents could say anything, Kathy answered, "Hell no!
We're keeping him here!"
     It was a great feeling to be wanted.  Even if it was just for my
cooking.
     "Jill helped a lot," Rachel spoke up.
     "She did great with the chopping," I added.  Jill fingered her
knife and made a crazy face at me for a moment-
     "Jill?" Mom interrupted, and Jill flinched.  "Don't do that," Mom
said before Jill could do more than turn to look at her, "you look too
much like Susan when you make that face."
     "Mom!" Susan protested.
     "Naw," Brian said, "she looks more like this," and he made a worse
face.
     "Brian!" Susan threatened.
     I looked to see why Mom hadn't yelled at Brian yet, and it was
because Mom and Dad were making faces at each other.  Then Dad kissed
her, or she kissed him.
     "Oh gross!" the Tuckerspawn protested in unison.  "Not while we're
eating!" Brian added.
     "Take it to a motel!" I suggested.  Dad made a rude gesture at me
and kissed her again.

***
19:07 27 Jul

     "Did you get the school stuff yet?" Ellen asked, and was apparently
surprised by the groans from some of us.  "What?"
     "School is evil, and mentioning it's like mentioning the fairies,
it brings it closer," Mike explained.
     "What school stuff?" Kathy asked.
     Ellen answered Kathy and ignored Mike.  "They sent a letter this
year, they're changing our schedules all around."
     "Again?" several of us complained.  You'd think they could pick
something and stick with it for more than one year at a time, but I
guess I was thinking, instead of whatever the schools were doing.

***
19:12 27 Jul

     A little searching had found my own copy of the letter, and it was
being passed around and cursed at.  I don't know why me and Ellen were
the only ones to have gotten it so far, but the mails from school were
weird.
     "You're still taking that hairdressing thing?" Kathy asked me as
she handed the letter to Kim.
     "Yeah," Kim said absently before I could, and Kathy's head snapped
around to look at her.  "What?" Kim asked as she looked up.
     "We, me and Kim and Jill were all taking it, remember?" I prompted.
     "No, I didn't remember that," Kathy told me.  "Uh...  Why?"
     "Um, because Debbie-"  I sighed.  "Anyway, I'm still going to take
the class."
     "Well, you could drop it now," Kathy suggested, as Kim handed the
letter to Amy.
     "Can't drop 'em after the end of last year, remember?" Dan reminded
everybody.  "Not after school ended."
     Kathy sighed.  "You're screwed, Tuck.  Anyway, did anybody else
sign up for the pre-med class?"
     "The what?" Mike asked.
     "You get out at TWO?!" Amy complained, shaking the letter at me.
     "I have to go in at seven!" I complained back.
     "But you get out at TWO in the AFTERNOON!" she said, like I hadn't
understood it the first time.

***
19:29 27 Jul

     When Mike went inside, I waited until I was sure he wasn't faking,
then I rushed over to Dan, pulling the card out.  "Sign the birthday
card!" I hissed as I handed the card and a pen at him.
     "What'd ya get?" he said quietly back.

***
19:31 27 Jul

     Dan handed me a twenty dollar bill, which I stuffed away along with
everything else before Mike could come back and catch us.  He was
nodding in approval as he did, too.

***
20:38 27 Jul

     Jill and Kim had gone to go sleep at Sabrina's house, Mom was
apparently too full to think about walking us into exhaustion tonight,
or at least the obvious danger period had passed - heh - and I was
already starting to yawn.  "Mmmmbed," I decided.

***
22:04 27 Jul

     I woke up from some kind of uncomfortable dream that probably would
have shortly turned into a nightmare, and saw Amy 'sneaking' in.  "Hi
Amy," I mumbled.
     "Go to sleep," she told me.
     "Night mano," Mike said from the hallway.
     "Night," I said louder, and closed my eyes again.

***
22:31 27 Jul

     When Amy got into bed, I snuggled against her and started to go
back to sleep.
     "Tuck?"
     "Mmm?"
     "What was going on with Jill?"
     "Mmmmm... classified," I made the great effort to speak clearly.
"Ask her next time you see her, if you want.  I can't talk about it."
     "Bad stuff?"
     "Personal stuff.  Classified," I repeated.
     A very sleepy pause.
     I'd almost drifted off again when Amy asked, "Is she better?"
     "Think so."
     "Good," she said, and snuggled back against me.  "And I've got
Mike's birthyday party-"
     "His what?"
     "That's Kim called it, his 'birthyday' party," she defined.  I knew
that was related to Debbie somehow, but I couldn't remember how.
"Anyway," she continued, "I've got that all set up.  Six thirty at
Mike's house, right?"
     "Right," I agreed.
     "Good," she smiled.
     Silence descended, and sleep beckoned.  Or something like that.

***
06:00 28 Jul

     I was really going to have to disconnect the MacinClock and take it
with me, but not this morning.

***
06:32 28 Jul

     I'd thought, for some reason, that Amy would be coming with me this
morning to work, but she apparently would rather sleep.  Come to think
of it, that was a nice idea.
     *Maybe I could convince all the kids to lie down for an early
morning nap,* I thought, so I could laugh at the idea, because that was
only slightly more likely than the Greys coming down and making me their
interstellar emperor.

***
07:08 28 Jul

     Rachel looked kind of cute all wrapped up in bed, like Amy did, but
I was glad that I was sleeping with Amy and not Rachel because Rachel
was drooling on her pillow this morning.

***
07:49 28 Jul

     "Hi Miz Parker!" I said, turning away from the pantry.  I hadn't
realized Mister Parker was also there, but he was, kissing his wife and
Stella and scrambling for coffee like he was late.  I made sure to get
and stay out of his way, because if he tripped over me he would be later
than he was already, and I'd be really injured because he was a BIG guy.

***
07:52 28 Jul

     Mister Parker had left the building.
     Miz Parker came in a little after the car had left, and grinned at
me and said, "Good morning, Valerie."
     "He's in a hurry this morning?" I joked, and was a little surprised
to see her blush.  "Anyway, it's getting about that dreaded time of year
when kids all over the country become depressed and sad-"
     "School?" she guessed, and I moaned.  "Come on, Val, it's not that
bad," she smiled at me.
     "Yes it is.  Anyway, what I meant was, was I still going to be
working here when school starts?"
     She frowned.  "Well, we had sort of made other plans, actually."
     *Oh, crap.*  There went my funding.  "Like what?"
     "Well... And this is nothing on you, Val," she added, "we just
realized you'd be busy with school and things, and so we arranged
something with someone from Saint James, that's Ricky's school, she's
doing some family group care at her house."
     "Why-  Never mind, stupid question," I realized.  "You want to
work, and you need someone during the day to watch Stella, right?"  She
nodded sort of hesitantly.  I sighed, disappointed in the extreme.
"Well..."
     "It's not that we're disappointed in you, Valerie," she earnestly
explained. "Just the opposite; you've worked out a lot better than we'd
hoped.  But you need to stay in school..."
     I nodded sad affirmation.  Grade school had led to junior high
which had led to high school which would lead to college which would
lead to grad school which would lead to a series of jobs and a
reputation as a kick-ass engineer which would lead to me living a life
of leisure and working on interesting things when I felt like it and
otherwise oppressing my wife and kids by working little and making a lot
of money.  The Wizard's Way To Material Success.  My dad could write a
book on it, but he wouldn't because he didn't want other people figuring
it out.
     Unfortunately, while it was supposed to get better rapidly starting
in a few years, it wasn't better NOW, which is when I was.  I still had
two years to go on my twelve year weekday-jail sentence, and I was
severely tired of it.
     "But what about after school?" I asked.  "I mean, I'm getting out
at two, uh, two-thirty this year."  Two-thirty would be about the time I
could get changed at Rachel's, anyway.  "And Ricky's school lets out at
three?"
     "Hmmm," she hummed in thought, absently switching Stella from right
nipple to left.  "We were planning, Cindy was going to pick Ricky and
Stella up and watch them both plus her kids, after she woke up..."
     Damnit.  *I guess I can go back to being poor-*
     Miz Parker continued, "But Cindy's not that thrilled about it,
especially Stella-"
     "What?  WHY?"
     She gave me an odd look.  "She already had two boys, Valerie; she
would prefer not to have to deal with a baby again, not every day.
They're a lot of work, you know."
     "Stella?  Are we talking about the same Stella here?"
     Now we were looking at each other with basically identical
expressions: 'What drugs are YOU on?'
     "Feeding, diapers, you have to watch her every minute," Miz Parker
started ticking off on her fingers.
     "Well, yeah," I admitted, "but it's not THAT hard."
     "No, but you do get tired of it after a few years of doing it," she
pointed out.
     "Maybe...  I mean, you're probably right," I said.  "But still..."
     "Let me think about it," she said.

***
08:39 28 Jul

     "Miz Parker?  Breakfast is ready," I told her.
     She waved at me and continued talking on the phone.  "Uh huh...
well, she said..."
     I gave up and went to go feed blintzes to boys.

***
08:47 28 Jul

     "Miz Parker?"  This time I waited until I had eye contact.  "Cold
blintzes are not nice blintzes.  Come and eat," I ordered, and waved the
spatula at her like a wand of command.
     She chuckled and held up one finger, which I was certain was a lie.
"Whatever," I sighed, and went back to eat my breakfast.

***
09:19 28 Jul

     "Well," Miz Parker said as she came back into the kitchen, then
stopped as she looked around and saw me washing dishes.  "Did I miss
breakfast?" she asked woefully, sounding like a female version of Mike.
     "No," I smiled at her over my shoulder, but I had to put the
silverware down anyway to point at the table.  "I lied, they really
aren't bad cold, but they're better warm.  Microwave 'em for about
twenty seconds if you want, but eat!" I insisted as I turned back to the
sink.
     "Well, when you get done, come over here," she said as she went and
picked up the serving plate.  "I'll wait to talk until you're done with
the dishes."

***
09:22 28 Jul

     "So?" I asked as I sat on the floor with Stella.
     "Well," she started, then looked for me and finally found me.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
     "Stella wants to practice walking," I said.
     Miz Parker looked at me for a while.
     "So I'm going to hold her up and make sure she doesn't run into
anything," I explained further.
     "Oooookay," she said slowly.
     Stella screamed and pounded me on the leg excitedly, but I gently
grabbed her wrists and pointed them at the floor.  "Don't hit the
babysitter, Stella."  We argued about that for a while, but she finally
gave up and started to crawl away from me.  I crawled after her.  "Miz
Parker?  I mean, I'm listening."
     "Uh huh," she said skeptically.

***
09:49 28 Jul

     We'd moved into the living room wherein we could keep an eye on the
boys as they acted like they were watching television.  I suspected they
were leading up to something nefarious, and apparently I wasn't the only
one, because Miz Parker suggested that we move.  Miz Parker took the
couch, and I slid my pack off my shoulder and sat the pack, Stella, and
me on the floor.
     "Anyway, how does this sound?" Miz Parker said.  "You pick Ricky up
from school, come home, and maybe watch Gary and David too, depending on
what Cindy needs to do."
     "Okay," I said, smiling because I was pleased.  Easy money was easy
money, after all.  This was a whole lot easier than dealing with dorky
Win-dazed users and their stupidity-caused problems at Freehold, for
example.  Or fast food, like Kathy.
     "I'm not entirely sure what I want to do with Stella," she sighed,
and the aforementioned Stella looked at Miz Parker and squealed.  "Hi
sweetie!" Miz Parker said in a 'happy child' voice.  Stella screamed
back and fell down on her butt as she clapped her hands excitedly.  Miz
Parker smiled at her, then turned her face back to me.  "Part of me
wants to work, and if I want to spend time with my husband or Ricky, I
have to work during the day, not in the evenings, which means hiring
another sitter or something.  Or having Cindy watch the kids, but like I
said, she's not too enthusiastic about it.  On the other hand, I could
stay home all the time, but then I don't really need a sitter at all,"
which option I selfishly did not like one bit.
     "So what I think we're going to do," she said, or decided, and I
braced myself for the bad news.  "... is have Stella in group care until
you can pick her up.  But you'd have to pick Ricky up first," she added.
     "Right.  Uh, I don't know where Ricky's school is, though-"
     "I know, we'll get you directions to both places," she nodded.
Then she stopped.  "Valerie, how much do you want to work?"
     "Why?"
     She made a face, then motioned me closer.  I leaned towards her,
making sure Stella had a good grip on my shoulder.  "Valerie," she said
very quietly, "I honestly don't like cooking very much, or very often.
And David is no good at it and he hates doing it, too.  But I really
don't want the kids to grow up on fast food and restaurants, you know?"
I nodded.  "And frozen food is pretty close to fast food in quality.
So," she continued, "what I was wondering was, if you could really
commit to cooking, say three days a week at least, which would mean you
staying here until seven or eight."
     "Uh... I don't have to buy the food too, do I?" I confirmed.
     She shook her head, smiling.  "No, just make a list of things to
get at the store."
     "Okay... um..."  I thought about for a while.  I'd cooked- heck,
I'd been cooking eleven meals a week on average, breakfast and lunch
each weekday at the Parkers' plus Sunday dinner at my house, all this
summer, and this would only be six meals... but dinner was harder
usually, and I would have to squeeze in studying time, too.  "Hmm."
     "If you don't want to, that's fine," she said at a more normal
volume.  "It's just, if you want the extra time..." she trailed off.
     "I'm thinking," I told her.
     This job was, for me, so easy it was hardly like working.  At least
compared to my home life, which paid me a lot less.  And if Ricky was
going to school at the same times I was, then he'd have to do homework
too.  Maybe we could even do it 'together', which would sort of be good
if he needed help with something, though I couldn't even remember what
kind of stuff I'd been doing in third grade except getting beaten up.
Regardless, I was certain I'd mastered everything third grade had to
offer, at least except religion, since he was going to Catholic school.
*Are they Catholic?* I wondered, then dismissed the question for later.
As long as I didn't have to do additional chores, which I really hadn't
been except for occasional laundry, I could work it in okay.  I mean,
I'd been drafted into housework when I was in school at my house, and I
knew I could handle doing a few things at one time.  *So, I watch Ricky
and Stella, cook, and do my homework-
     *But they don't have a computer,* I realized.  That would put a
tremendous crimp in my life.  *Oh, but the money... maybe I could bring
one- I wish I had a laptop- wait.*  The thoughts of money and laptop had
sparked an idea.  *I should have at least five hundred in my account,
probably a lot more; I bet Dad could find me a laptop for that, and then
I could do stuff here, if I got a PCMCIA modem to go with it.*  It would
be extremely slow, but I could live with that.  *And an Ethernet card,
of course, for when I bring it home.  But they-*
     "I've got one requirement, and I can do it," I said.
     Her eyebrows went up a little.  "What?"
     I admitted, "Well, two.  One is, I can't do many more chores than I
am right now.  I mean, if I have to cook AND watch the kids AND do my
homework and all that, I can't, like, vacuum too, or clean the bathrooms
or anything like that on a regular basis.  I mean, I could still clean
up accidents and stuff, but not anything regular."
     "Okay," she nodded.  "That's fair.  What's the other one?"
     "You need to have another phone line installed."
     Now her eyebrows REALLY went up.  "What?  Why?"
     "I need a computer for schoolwork, and you don't have one here-"
     "David works with them all day," she sighed as David Upshaw looked
up for a few moments then went back to the television when we waved
hands at him, "and he doesn't really want one at home too."
     These people were serious deviants, but they had money, some of
which they might well pay me, so I restrained my comment on this.
"Okay, but I can get a laptop, I could use one for school anyway, and if
you get that second phone line, then I can plug my laptop into it and do
everything I need to HERE, while I cook dinner and watch the kids too.
And not tie up your regular phone line."
     She frowned a bit.  "Uh... how much would that cost?"
     "About six, seven hundred dol-"
     She gasped, "SEVEN HUND-"
     I'd just made a serious pointer error.  "I mean," I hastily
interrupted, waving my hands frantically at her, "that's how much the
LAPTOP costs."  I shook my head at myself as she calmed down and the
kids went back to ignoring us again.  Stella grabbed onto the coffee
table, stood up, and started making her way around the edge cautiously.
"A second phone line would be about, uh, fifty installation and about
fifteen a month."
     "Okay," she breathed, then chuckled.  "Why did you say-"
     "I was just thinking about my end of the costs, sorry," I smiled
stupidly.  She chuckled some more.
     "So you'd actually do it?"
     "Yes ma'am," I said formally.  "I mean, if I got sick," which was
more like 'when I got sick', "I'd have to skip work when I skipped
class, but I don't think you want someone with pneumonia sneezing into
your dinner anyway."  She shook her head.  "Or giving it to the kids."
     "Nooo, definitely not," she agreed.
     "Or you either," I added, and she just nodded.  "So, I mean, like
the usual arrangement, I guess I'd call Kim and get someone else to
cover-"
     "Kim?  I thought Debbie was your boss?"
     I felt a pang at the name.  "Uh, well, yeah sorta, but she and I
aren't talking to each other any more..."
     "Oh, I'm sorry, Valerie," Miz Parker said sympathetically.
     I locked it down.  At least that had gotten easier, over the
months.  She looked like she wanted to ask me more about it, though,
which I really wanted to avoid, so I kept talking.  "That's okay.
Anyway, so Kim's sort of my acting supervisor, and I've been doing
everything through her anyway, like getting paid and stuff."
     "Oh, okay.  She's the girl that's subbing for you next week?"
     "That's her.  I mean, I don't know if she'd be the one to sub when
I was sick, but she'd be the one to talk to about, I mean the one _I_
would talk to about it when I was sick.  So, that's okay.  And, you
know, substitutes are free anyway-"  She nodded, so I dropped it.
"Anyway, uh, so, other than things like that... oh, and I think Ricky
might have a different holiday schedule than mine, so we'd have to take
that into account."
     "Oh, well, I think I could do like I did today and just stay home
for a day, if you couldn't come."
     "Great," I said truthfully.  "So... yeah!"
     She smiled at me.  "Yeah!"
     "Aaaaaaaaaaa!" shrieked Stella happily before she fell down again,
luckily without apparent injury because she got right back up, and Miz
Parker and I both laughed.
     "Can I get a picture of her?" I asked Miz Parker.  "She's so cute
like this."
     "Sure," she said mildly, and I started digging my camera out of my
pack.  "Why wouldn't I let you?"
     I shrugged as I got it out.  "I just thought it'd be polite to ask,
y'know?  Besides, I hated the flashes when I was a kid..."  Despite my
dislike, though, it was too dark to do without one in here, which is why
I was charging the capacitors on mine.
     "Oh really?"
     "Yeah, they hurt my eyes or something, so I'd cry when I got
blinded.  I still hate that."
     "Yeah," Miz Parker agreed, smiling towards Stella, "but I-"
     I never did find out what 'but' she had, because at that moment,
Stella let go of the coffee table edge and took a free step towards Miz
Parker's leg.  And I managed to spin up and fire a shot as she took the
second.  The third step ended as Stella slammed into Miz Parker's leg,
hanging on to Miz Parker's slacks and looking up with a confused
expression on her face.
     "OhmyGODIGOTITIGOTIT!ONCAMERA!IGOTAPICTURE!" I screamed
uncontrollably as Miz Parker swooped down and picked Stella up and we
all shrieked in excitement.

***


"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." - proverb
"If you screw up that first step, go back to bed and try again tomorrow,
maybe next week..." - ehayes


Distribution:
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Permission is given to redistribute this by electronic means, as long as
the entirety of the work (from the BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE header to
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+ ==[--------   Ellen Hayes   @>--,--'---      ellen@barkingduck.net +
PGP DH/DSS keyfing: 33D4 156A AE39 53E2 0313  6714 2878 56A8 61B0 9CDC
+ http://www.barkingduck.net/ehayes -=[1990]=- vicki .sig virus 11.4 +


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