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Tuck Bill -*- Copyright 1998 by Ellen Hayes.

Any resemblance between the writings in this work, and any actual
persons or places, living or dead, are purely coincidental, except when
used for satirical purposes.

This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and
possibly sex.  If you are legally not allowed to read materials
containing such things, then you will be breaking the law by reading
this.  I am not responsible.
Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it
in any format means that you explicitly affirm that you are legally
allowed to possess and read such materials in your city, county/parish,
state, and country.

All rights reserved.  See the bottom for distribution rights.


Tuck Bill


***
08:09 25 May

     I woke up, bladder straining, and sat up, wondering where I was
THIS time.  Memory slowly seeped through as I looked around the living
room.
     It looked like the aftermath of an orgy, with people collapsed in
pairs, mostly, on the floor, and covered in blankets or sheets.  There
were people here I didn't even know the names of.

***
08:12 25 May

     When I came out of the bathroom and went back to the living room, a
couple of people waved hi, but almost everyone was still asleep.
     It looked like a good idea to me, so I slipped back under the
blanket with Debbie.  She woke up enough to see who I was, and smile,
and snuggle against me again.  Amy, on the other side, grunted and
rolled over and pressed against me.
     I kissed Debbie on her forehead and went back to sleep myself.

***
09:04 25 May

     "Are you two gonna wake up?"
     I opened my eyes to see Kim glaring at me and Debbie.
     "No," Debbie snarled, and she rolled over and kissed me and stuck
her face against my chest.

***
09:11 25 May

     Debbie was wrong for once.  We staggered around, looking for
caffeine and trying to remember the night before.  I didn't have a
hangover, but this was the second night in a row that I hadn't gotten
much sleep.  It was Debbie that had the hangover.
     I found Amy, yawning and holding a two-liter.  "Didja have fun last
night?" I asked her.  She nodded absently, resisting me taking the
bottle.  "Let go."  She finally let go, and I took a healthy swig before
I passed the bottle to Debbie, who did the same thing.  Amy still looked
like she was stoned.  "Are you awake yet?"  She considered the question,
not focusing on anything, then slowly shook her head.

***
09:23 25 May

     The guys had been banished outside, for some reason dealing with
clothes and showers and not enough towels and nakedness.  I felt pretty
irritated about it.
     "Cheer up, Tuck, you can't see every girl in the world naked," Mike
told me.
     "I want Debbie!"  It sounded childish, but I felt childish, and I
wanted to get back to Debbie.  "I don't CARE about seeing the rest of
'em, I've seen enough of 'em..."  I trailed off as several boyfriends
looked over at me with that sort of predatory interest that guys have
when they think someone is intruding on their turf.  "On the Net," I
added, and they lost interest.
     Mike was chuckling, so I kicked him.

***
09:31 25 May

     Someone had salvaged a bottle of vodka, and someone else had found
cups, but there was no orange juice, so somehow I found myself being
presented at the front door while someone knocked enthusiastically on
it.  Overenthusiastically.  And then everyone else ran.
     The door flew open, and a hungover face I didn't recognize shrieked
"WHAT?!"
     "Uh, can I talk to Kim?" was the first thing that came to my mind,
and she slammed the door.  Total elapsed time, two seconds.
     "Good one, dork," someone said from their hiding place - me having
been left to hang, as it were, on the displeasure of whoever opened the
door.
     I was a little dazed, from being grabbed and thrust in front of the
door, and the pounding, and her screaming, and the fact she had no
clothes on at all.  And I didn't even know who it was.

***
09:32 25 May

     "What?" Kim snarled as she opened the door.  "Oh, what?" she asked,
her voice changing completely.
     "Morning, sunshine," she grumbled at that, "could we have some
orange juice?"
     "Hose!" Mike screamed from somewhere else.
     "And some soap and shampoo?"  I caught on quick.  There was no way
we were going to get in there before noon.
     "Yeah, come on in," she said absently, and turned around.  I
followed her quickly, and almost got squished as she remembered to turn
around and lock the door before everyone else came inside.
     The girls looked up as I came in, but it was mostly the Pack, so
they just sort of collectively shrugged and went back to dressing or
drying off or whatever.  Two or three of Linda's friends kind of wanted
to make a fuss, but they got confused when no one else did, and so they
didn't do anything except stare.  I waved as I followed Kim into the
kitchen.

***
09:36 25 May

     I came back out, with two bars of soap and a large bottle of
shampoo and a jug of orange juice.  And three lipstick marks, Debbie
having gotten the bright idea of blotting hers on my face, and a couple
of others thinking it would be "cute".
     "What-" "How did-" "Where-" "Huh-" "-Thank God-"
     The guys seemed to be amazed that I made it out alive.

***
09:46 25 May

     Mike had had the idea of just washing faces and hands, but somehow
the idea morphed, in that herd mentality way, to taking showers,
outside.  I wasn't sure quite how it had happened, nor was I sure why I
was stripped down to my boxers and letting someone hose me down to rinse
the soap off.  But there I was...
     I looked up, and found Mike staring at me with his eyebrows raised,
looking all innocent.  It would have made Mother Teresa suspicious.
"What?"
     "Cold water?" he reminded me, and when I worked it through, I tried
to kick him in the head, but he blocked it.  Then he looked up and
screamed, "ROCK!"  He went one way and I went the other, and a couple of
guys that didn't take the hint got hit with the bucket full of ice water
that some of the girls had launched from the second story window.

***
10:01 25 May

     Things had calmed down, finally, and the guys including me were
sitting on the sidewalk, slowly drying off in the sunlight.  There was a
general bullshit session going on, and the weird thing about it was that
me and Mike and Dan were included in it like we were normal or
something.
     It was weird, but it was good at the same time.

***
10:12 25 May

     Todd Dupperault and I were comparing answers on the German test
when I felt a familiar set of arms slide around my neck from behind.
"Hi Deb!  Feeling all clean?"
     "I was gonna ask you that," she whispered into my ear, before she
kissed it.  Todd's girlfriend gave him a hand up, and Debbie slipped her
arms under mine and made as if to lift me off the ground.
     "Hey, thanks, I can- ahhhhh!" I started to scream as Jill grabbed
my feet and the two of them hoisted me off the ground.
     "Four person carry!" Kathy yelled, and Pam got on one side and Amy
got on the other and all four of them carried me off with Kathy giving
instructions.
     "Just don't drop me," I asked Debbie as gently as I could while
being carried off by four women.
     "I won't," she promised, and blew me a kiss.

***
10:15 25 May

     They'd finally let me down by the car.  "What was that all about?"
I asked.
     Debbie shrugged.  "I always liked the idea of carrying you off,"
she said.  And giggled.
     Rob Smith had gotten the idea, or something, and was carrying his
girlfriend Rita over his shoulder.  She looked bored and mildly
irritated. He stopped, and said something I didn't catch, and started
doing squats.  Oooh, I was impressed not.  Actually, I wondered if I
could do that with Debbie...
     Kathy had another idea, though, because she spun me around and got
a shoulder under my stomach and hoisted me off the ground.  Then she
yelled, "Hey, stud!" at Rob, and started doing squats too.
     Rita and I had the same expression on our faces.
     Just for something to do, because I knew I wasn't going anywhere
for a while, I started counting off, "Ein, zwei, drei, vier, funf, sechs-"
     "Is that all you think about?" Kathy huffed, "Sex?
     I laughed so hard I lost count.

***
10:20 25 May

     "Ow," I mentioned as I climbed into the remaining back seat of
Pam's minivan.
     "Awww, didoo hurt 'oo tum?" Debbie cooed at me.
     "Uh huh!"  I felt like getting some sympathy after being bounced
around like that.  Even if it was false.
     "Want me to kiss it and make it better?"
     "Uh huh!"  That sounded fun, so I pulled up my shirt.  She bent
down, and gave me a zerbert that drowned out the noise of the starter.
     When she finally stopped, I said, "AHHHHHHH, that feels better!"
Debbie smacked me in my exposed belly, which hurt, and complained as she
sat back upright and almost fell off the seat.

***
10:29 25 May

     Amy turned around and said, "Oh, God, Tuck, you almost got in some
serious shit today, too.  What gave you the bright idea to come in the
house?"
     "Somebody wanted OJ for their hair-of-the-dog vodka," I explained.
     "God," Pam said, "I thought Cindy was gonna lose it when you walked
in."
     "Was Cindy the one, the one that answered the door the first time?"
     "The NAKED one?" Debbie asked, and smacked me in the head.
     I protested, "Hey!  _I_ didn't make her do it naked!  I just
thought it would be polite to know her name, or something, I mean
jeez..."  Since I now knew she had a birthmark on her left tit, I didn't
mention.  It just seemed polite or something.
     "No," Amy answered, "it was the other one, um..."
     Pam supplied, "Robbie."
     "Yeah," Amy continued, "she said something about you being gay when
the rest of Linda's crowd came down, and they were all nodding-"
     "What?"  Oh, God.  This could almost end my life, right here.
     "Don't WORRY," Debbie reassured me, or tried to.  Pam snorted.
     I was a little boggled.  "But, but, WHY did they think I was gay?"
     "Because," Amy said in this voice like I should have known better,
"you walked into a room of half-naked girls and didn't even really
look."
     "I get in trouble for NOT looking at naked girls with angry
boyfriends?  With an angry and jealous girlfriend-"
     "I am not jealous!" Debbie lied.
     I just glared at her for a second.  She glared back.  "With my own
girlfriend in the same room?"
     "No!" Debbie began.  "Not really, I mean, not, I mean... don't you
DARE, Eugene Tucker!" she shrieked as I started to laugh.  She poked me
violently and rapidly in my sore spot, which got me to shut up quickly.
     "And why did you have your toes painted?" Amy asked.
     Pam snorted.  "Like we said!  Everybody got something painted
Friday, we weren't lying, do you think Jill- never mind, you don't know
her."  Pam wiggled her metallic blue beauties on the steering wheel.  "I
got mine done too.  ANYway," she restarted, "most of us were telling
them that they were full of it, but Debbie wasn't saying anything-"
     "You WEREN'T?!"  THAT hurt, BAD.
     "Shut up a minute, I had a plan," Debbie told me.  "I mean, if I
start screeching that no you're not, then there's no way they'll believe
me-"
     "There's been rumors going around about DEBBIE for years," Pam
mentioned.  "So if you were a boyfriend of convenience, she'd be
expected to say things like that."
     "Hosed either way," Debbie mentioned.  "So I just sort of smiled a
lot and kept quiet while I dressed."
     "That's what was really driving them crazy," Amy said, "they kept
getting wilder and wilder, and Debbie was just sitting there with this
smirk-"
     "I wasn't smirking!"
     "Yes you were, I know a smirk when I see one," Amy shot back, and
demonstrated this hideous grimace.  "Anyway, so FINALLY someone gets up
the 'nads to ask Debbie, and she just looks up and giggles, and says,
'If he's gay, then he's faking his boners really well,' and that's-"
     Debbie interrupted, "That's when someone hosed the window, from
outside, and we went to look-"
     "And all the guys were NEKKID!" Pam shrieked, and they all laughed.
     "Except you and Mike and Dan," Debbie gasped between snorts.
     Pam continued, barely, "And Kim, she goes, she goes-"
     Amy put her hands to her face and screamed, "'Oh my GOD it's some
kind of GAY QUEER ORGY!'  And she points, to the windows, in case anyone
missed it-"
     "And EVERYBODY runs to the windows," Debbie laughed, "and then
someone got the bright idea of rinsing you off from the second story-"
     "I got that part," I gargled in between laughing and trying to
catch my breath.

***
10:32 25 May

     We'd all caught our breath before Pam picked up the story again.
"So, Debbie finally says to someone-"
     Debbie complained, "Deedee can't leave ANYthing alone-"
     "So she said, she said-"
     "I said, 'Look, just because I taught him how to behave around
women, doesn't mean he's gay!'  And I made sure everyone heard it, too."
Debbie looked extremely satisfied with herself.
     "So am I gay or not?"
     "NO!" they all yelled.
     "Oh, thank GOD!" I yelled back, and grabbed Debbie and proceeded to
kiss the hell out of her.
     "Though what I wanna know," Amy insisted, "is why you have your
toenails painted?"
     I yanked back and pointed at Debbie.  "Her!  There I was, minding
my own business-"
     "LIAR!" Debbie shrieked and pummeled my arm.  "He was MOLESTING
me-"
     "I was NOT!  I was minding-"
     "LIAR! Liar liar liar-" poke poke poke.
     I got my hand over her mouth for a second, and Pam told Amy,
"Seriously!  Friday night, Deb brought her nail stuff over, and things
got a little weird, that's why Jill had-"
     Debbie simultaneously bit my finger and stuck hers in a soft spot,
so I complained loudly and let go, at which point she started poking me
some more.

***
11:14 25 May

     Debbie collected some sort of receipt from the guy at the counter,
and came back out waving it.  Amy and Pam and I were sitting places
trying to catch our breath.  It was a LOT of equipment.
     "Got the deposit back," Debbie grinned.
     "Amen!"  If she hadn't, it would have screwed up a LOT.

***
11:18 25 May

     "So, now what?" Amy asked.
     Pam and Debbie looked at me like I was supposed to know.
     "My house," I finally said.  "Mom and Dad are gonna want to make
sure you still have all your body parts."
     And then I had to explain kidney theft.

***
11:43 25 May

     "Can I use your phone, Miz Tucker?"
     "Sure!" Mom said.  Debbie took a section of the paper with her.

***
12:08 25 May

     "Your cousin's a little weird," Debbie mentioned as we climbed into
what was soon to be MY car.
     "You should talk, ya know."
     "I'm not weird!"  I just looked at her.  "I'm not!"

***
12:14 25 May

     I shrugged.  "We just always played together.  She liked computers,
and she played games with me and Mike a lot when she was down, or we'd
go off if it was a family gathering."
     "Playing with dolls?" she grinned at me.
     "No, mostly pretend."
     "Like what?"
     "Guess," I grinned back.
     She thought, and thought, and thought, and finally said, "House is
probably out, by that smug look on your face... I dunno?"
     "Aliens!"
     "What?"
     "Like the movie _Aliens_?  We'd play Colonial Marines, and blow up
everything bad in sight.  Like my asshole cousin Derek."  I just wish we
could have shot him for real.
     "She was, that Hispanic-"
     "Vasquez, yeah.  Or she'd play Ripley, and I'd play Hicks.  Or
Ferro and Spunkmeyer, the pilots.  It was pretty cool, except the rest
of the family thought we were crazy."
     I laughed at a memory link, and Debbie predictably asked, "What?"
     "We, we used to play with Brian, too, until he figured out what sex
Newt was..."

***
12:29 25 May

     Debbie had found a Subaru pre-Legacy wagon in the classifieds, with
four wheel drive, air conditioning, a manual transmission, nice paint
job, and generally in good repair, and now she was skinning bucks off
the starting price.
     I kept my mouth shut.  I knew a pro when I dated one, and Debbie
could sell sand to Arabs.  Whereas the guy selling it looked like he was
just realizing he was drowning in quicksand.

***
13:04 25 May

     "So?" I asked her.  She was grinning like a maniac.  So was I.
     "So, now we set up the title change for you, and then on Monday I
get the new one and you have my poor old beast," she patted it on the
fender.  "I feel kinda bad... Like I'm giving it up for adoption or
something."
     "It's still in the family," I mentioned, and she laughed at that.

***
13:32 25 May

     Somehow, Debbie and I ended up in "my" car, which would be totally
and legally mine when the requisite thirteen hundred dollars had been
paid off, in full, to her Worshipfulness.  We'd signed the contract
she'd written up, and Mom and Dad had both looked it over, and
pronounced it Good Though IANAL.
     Unfortunately for me, I was also going to be spending some money on
other things first.  Like clothes.
     Girl's clothes.
     Which is why we were going shopping today.
     "Clutch!" she reminded me with a shriek.  Oh yeah, clutch...

***
13:47 25 May

     "I think you need mostly shorts and jeans, and tops," she
mentioned.  "Oh, and underwear.  We need to go to someplace like
Wal-Mart for that-"
     "Why?"  I didn't want to spend any more money than I had to-
     She made a face.  "Do you REALLY want to wear used panties?"
     "No!  Gross!"  No thought required.
     "That was my thought."
     "Unless they were yours."
     Not unexpectedly, she smacked me in the head.

***
13:51 25 May

     "I've been looking forward to this," Rachel mentioned as I got to
making up in the mirror in her bedroom.
     "Why?" Debbie asked.
     Rachel shrugged and grinned.  "Oh, it's been a long time since I
went shopping for clothes..."
     I felt a shiver of fear pass through my body when she said that.

***
14:02 25 May

     "We've got to make a stop first," Debbie mentioned.
     "Where?"

***
14:06 25 May

     The Salon of Doom And Future Employment, was where.  Debbie had
come in, said something to John, and he'd laughed and gone off to the
back.  Rachel was talking to the receptionist, whose hair was now this
sort of reddish-purple, so I figured this would be a good time to ask
Debbie.
     "Getting something," she said.  Which explained nothing.
     "Like what?"
     "Not here," she cautioned.  I sighed.
     After a minute or so, John waved to us from the stairs.  Debbie
followed, and I followed her.  I kept my fingers crossed, though.

***
14:07 25 May

     "Why?!"
     Debbie said patiently, "They're too big for you, right now."
     "They were fine yester-"
     John interrupted, "Hon, you need something smaller in the cleavage,
since you look so young, or people are going to start paying a LOT of
attention to you."  It gave me the creeps to have to listen to this gay
hairdresser discussing what size breasts I was going to be wearing.

***
14:09 25 May

     "So?"
     They both inspected me VERY closely, and both of them finally
nodded.  "They look a lot better," Debbie said.
     "Won't anybody notice the difference?" I asked.  It seemed like a
reasonable question to me.

***
14:12 25 May

     I sighed as we walked out.  The only nice thing about it was, there
was a lot less bounce.  But, I was wearing a different bra.  Debbie had
stuffed the one I had been wearing into her purse.
     "So where are we going next?" Rachel asked.
     Debbie replied, "I think I know this small shop around here..."

***
14:28 25 May

     "Ohmigod, Val, come look at this!"  Debbie was holding something up
that looked like... I don't know what it looked like, actually.  Except
fluttery.  She waved it at me.  It fluttered.  "Look, they've got a
dozen!"  If I knew what they were, I might be impressed.

***
14:30 25 May

     They were what Rachel called "broomstick skirts", and there were at
least a dozen that I was trying on as fast as I could, one after the
other, to see if they fit.  They were nothing more than this extremely
thin fabric, with bizarre and colorful patterns.  And no pockets.  They
did seem like they would be cooler than average, though...

***
14:34 25 May

     Rachel held up this T shirt with a pattern of red hearts all over
it.  When she saw the expression on my face, she shrugged and put it
back.
     "Oh, cool!" Debbie shrieked, and I cringed.

***
14:47 25 May

     Six pairs of jeans, most of which fit.  "I'm only getting three of
these," I warned over the door.
     "Why?" Debbie asked from the next changing room.
     "It's too hot to wear jeans outside."
     "No it isn't, you're being silly."
     "_I_ am being silly?"
     Pause.
     Finally, she changed the subject by asking, "Do you have any jeans
in there that are too large for you?"

***
15:04 25 May

     "Oh, LOOK at this!" Debbie almost squealed as she pulled something
made out of something I could see through off the rack.  It was sort of
this ivory color.  She put it up to her body and dashed to the mirror.
     I followed, and looked at it on her.  "OOOh," I commented.  "Get
that one."
     "You think?"
     "Oooh yeah!"
     "There's two," she challenged.

***
15:07 25 May

     "See?  Too thin."  Debbie made a face.  You could see every detail
of the underwear I was wearing.
     "Maybe if you wore a slip under it or something," Rachel
unhelpfully contributed.

***
15:12 25 May

     "What am I going to do with a sundress?" I asked Debbie, sure now
that she had lost her mind.
     "Duh, wear it when you want to look nice and be cool outside."  She
waved it at me.  "Doesn't this look nice and cool?"
     I sighed.  "Deb...."

***
15:28 25 May

     "The Gap?"
     "Just for a couple pairs of shorts."
     "I have-"
     "Wrong kind.  You need something more in style."  Rachel nodded in
support.  "Besides, maybe they have socks," she wondered out loud.
     "Socks?"
     "Socks," she insisted.

***
15:36 25 May

     "That'd look really good on you," said some male voice from over my
shoulder.  I turned around, and it was some guy I'd never seen before in
my life.  He was smiling.  I couldn't figure out if this was a good
thing or a bad thing.

***
15:40 25 May

     "I was NOT flirting with him!" I insisted.
     "Well, you sure weren't getting rid of him!" Debbie countered.
     "What was I supposed to do, draw a sword and chop him in half?  I
don't even have a Swiss Army knife!"
     That confused everyone, me included.

***
15:49 25 May

     "That was quick," I mentioned as we carried a couple of bags out.
     "Retail," Debbie waved her hands.  "Too expensive if you have to
get everything in a lump."
     "In a-"
     "Figure of speech."
     "Is anyone hungry?" Rachel asked.

***
16:04 25 May

     "I feel confused," I mentioned as I contemplated some fries.  "I
think it's all the shopping."  Fries I could handle.
     "You're not used to it," Debbie informed me.
     "It's not that bad," Rachel said.

***
16:21 25 May

     "Hey, girls," said some guy as he sat down next to us.
     "Hi," Debbie and Rachel said at the same time.  My mouth was full,
and besides I had no interest in guys at all at that point.

***
16:49 25 May

     "I wasn't flirting, I was just being sociable!" Debbie protested.
     "No, you two were flirting."
     Rachel giggled, and Debbie glared at her before turning back to
face me.  "Look, I didn't invite him to sit down, okay?"
     "You sure didn't discourage him!  OR his friends!"
     She shook her head in disbelief.  "You are being so unreasonable
about this!" she finally stated.
     "Me?!  Hey, _I_ wasn't the one passing out BUSINESS CARDS, was-"
     "What the hell does that have to do-"

***
16:55 25 May

     "So?" Rachel asked.
     I stared at Debbie, who glared back.  "I will if she will," I
offered.
     Debbie looked off to the side and folded her arms, and then looked
to the other side, and then finally nodded.  "Sorry, Tuck.  Val, I
mean."
     "I'm sorry too."  I meant it.  Sort of.  I was sorry I'd yelled at
her at the same time I was sorry she was flirting in front of me.
     "So?" Rachel asked again.  "Are we friends again?"
     I nodded, staring at Debbie's shoes.  It was kind of embarrassing,
sitting here getting lectured by Rachel like I was a little kid or
something.

***
17:24 25 May

     "Keds are okay, I guess," I admitted.
     "Classic," Debbie mentioned.
     "They're cool," Rachel agreed, bobbing her head.
     "I just don't see why they have to be pink."
     "Try the white or black ones, then," Debbie suggested.  "It's just,
if you have more, it's easier to keep them clean-"
     "And you don't wear them out as fast," Rachel pointed out.
     "Sort of like rotating your tires?"  They both nodded.  "I can see
that," I admitted.

***
17:33 25 May

     I was wearing in a new pair of sandals as well as a sundress we'd
picked up.  They said the two went together.  I figured, if things were
going the way they looked, I'd have changed again by the time we got
done shopping.  This thought did not fill me with transcendant joy.

***
17:53 25 May

     I don't know why we had to go to Victoria's Secret to get me bras.
I was assured by Debbie that it was a regrettable necessity.  I think
she just wanted to get some stuff for herself.  I had to admit, her
taste in lingerie was impeccable.  But expensive.
     So her and Rachel were conferring over something in the back, and I
had wandered off, not having anything to contribute.  There was a table
towards the front that had boxers on it, in what looked like silk.
*Hmm,* I thought, *that looks interesting.*  Especially with the
convention coming up next weekend.  Debbie liked silk, a lot.
     I started looking through the stacks, looking for black, and I'd
found one, and was trying to remember what size my waist was - I knew
what dress size to look for, after today, but not surprisingly these
weren't marked in dress sizes - when this voice behind me said, "Those
for you or a boyfriend?"
     I flinched and dropped them on the table.  It was some guy I'd
never seen before.  Again.  "Sorry," he apologized, "I didn't meant to
scare you."
     "It's, it's okay.  I was, sort of lost in my own thoughts," I lied.
Well, I guess it was true.  I remembered to smile at him.

***
17:59 25 May

     "So can I see you in one?" Gary asked, grinning.
     "NO!" we all screamed.  Well, I screamed.  And ruined it by
snorting, because I had the thought that the only person that got to see
me in girl's underwear was my girlfriend.
     To prevent further problems, I grabbed the handful of bras out of
Debbie's hands and made a run for the dressing rooms.

***
18:23 25 May

     "So, I'm sorry, okay?"  Debbie apologizing was rare enough, so I
figured I should quit while I was ahead.
     "Okay, okay," I replied as we carried two armfuls of clothes into
the dressing rooms.  "Just next time-"
     I got a little confused when I got slammed up against the wall.
     By my sister.
     "Tucker!" she half-screamed, half-whispered.  "What the hell are
you DOING?!?!"  She looked panicked.  I'd be willing to bet I did too.
     "Let go of-" Debbie said, getting ready to take Susan on.
     Susan grabbed us both and dragged us into a changing closet.
"Look," she whispered frantically, "Mom and Amy are RIGHT THERE,"
pointing towards the mirrors at the other end of the changing area.  "Do
you want them to see you like that?!"
     It took Debbie half a second longer than it did me to figure it
out.  By the time she caught on, I had hung my stuff on a hook and was
headed back out the way we came at best no-notice speed.

***
18:27 25 May

     Debbie and I were taking a breather while Rachel kept some sort of
lookout behind us.  "Oh, God," Debbie mentioned.
     I snapped, "What are YOU worried about-"
     "Would you two calm down!" Rachel insisted.  "Please?"
     I took a deep breath, and looked at Debbie.  She looked like she
felt sorry.  I know I felt sorry.

***
19:01 25 May

     "Hey, Deb, what about this?"  I held up a jumper.  Her eyebrows
went up, and I could almost hear the little fashion wheels whirring in
her head.
     "Not bad," she finally said.

***
19:04 25 May

     "High cut?"
     Rachel nodded confidently.  "They're cooler, and you don't have to
worry so much about them sliding down."
     "Uh.  Okay."  I got six, figuring that that ought to last me a week
or so.  On second thought, I got another six-pack.
     "Get more, you always-"  Her face flickered. "No, I guess you don't
need spares, do you?"
     "Spares for what?"  She told me.  It was gross.  Believable, I
suppose unavoidable sometimes, but still gross.  And not just because I
was a guy, either.

***
19:21 25 May

     I gave Debbie the eye, because we were going into the one section
of Wal-Mart I had figured we wouldn't.  Guy's clothes.
     Rachel must've seen the expression on my face, because she
hastily explained, "Sometimes the clothes are better in the guy's
section, especially if you're looking for something like basic shirts or
tees or tanks or whatever."
     "And jackets," Debbie added.  "And sweaters too, except it's the
wrong time of year for that."  She stopped at a rack of oxford shirts,
and held one up.  "See?  Remember the other one, with that crest on it?
At the resale shop?"  Which resale shop, I wanted to ask, but nodded
instead.  "This is almost the same shirt, except this one is new, and it
cost almost the same as the other one did used.  Remember?"
     "If you say so-  Don't give me that look, Deb!"  She was giving me
that look.  "I have been in so many places today and seen so much
clothes, I'm lucky I remember anything!"

***
19:38 25 May

     As we were getting ready to leave, or at least that's what Debbie
thought, I presented the silk rose I'd been hiding behind my purse to
the cashier.  She rang it up, I paid in cash, and we left.
     Debbie had been getting pinker and pinker, and she looked like she
had a bad sunburn by the time we walked out the doors.  But she didn't
say no when I handed her the rose.  Rachel just smiled when she saw it.

***
20:01 25 May

     "This is the last place, I promise."
     I sighed.  "Okay, Deb, but you promised."
     "Besides, everything else is closed."
     I had a sneaking suspicion that was the real reason why this was
the last place.

***
20:06 25 May

     "So?"  I kept holding the dress against my body.  Debbie kept
staring at it.
     "So go try it on," she finally said.
     I was getting entirely sick of changing rooms.  And why did they
always have to be so HOT?

***
20:08 25 May

     Debbie and Rachel and I examined the dress from all sides.
     "I think it'll work," Rachel said.
     "Yeaaaahhh...."  Debbie was skeptical.
     "At least it has pockets," I pointed out.  About six- no, I'd
missed one.  Seven.  "And it's cotton, you said that was important."
     Debbie admitted, "Yeah, okay."  Rachel nodded agreement.
     "Good," I said, having finally gotten ahead of the game, "there's
three more in different colors-"
     "Val!" Debbie complained.
     "What?  I found something _I_ like and now you want to argue?"
     She huffed at me, but there was really nothing she could say about
it.  I thought.

***
20:16 25 May

     "I like jumpers," I said.
     Rachel's eyebrows went all over the place, along with all her other
facial features.  She finally emitted, "Okay."  I wished I knew what the
rest of it had been.
     "Hey!" Debbie crowed from the next aisle.  I flinched.

***
20:22 25 May

     "I like it," I offered.
     Debbie glanced at me sideways.  "I think it's a little too tight."
     "You do?"  Rachel turned sideways to see a different angle.  "You
think?"
     "Um," said Debbie.
     "I like it," I said again.
     "You just like it because it IS too tight," Debbie accused me.
     "Well, I mean, a little black dress is supposed to get people's
attention, and that one... gets people's attention."  Oh, boy, did it.
I'd have sworn Rachel grew a cup size and a hip size while putting it
on.  SERIOUS 3D sine curvature there.
     "I dunno," Rachel said.  "Don't you have to dry clean stretch
velvet?"  Debbie reached in and pulled the tag out for closer
inspection. 

***
20:31 25 May

     We were done, as far as I could tell.  At least, I had underwear
and outerwear for two weeks, all of it (almost) suitable for watching a
baby and a seven year old male for ten hours at a stretch.  Hooo.
     Right until Debbie saw the swimsuit rack, and screamed.  "Oh my
God, she's got a pool!  Val!"
     "Oh, noooo..."  I tried running off, but she already had my arm and
was dragging me to certain destruction.

***
20:46 25 May

     We were going to have to buy two to make one that worked with my
"special requirements," and I don't think either of them were the sort
of swimsuit to make it into Seventeen as Suit of the Season, but they
worked.  It was sort of astonishing, actually.
     The top looked and acted like a sports bra, though why the designer
had put a big zipper, complete with pull ring, on the front, escaped me.
Maybe it was a jock who designed it - it looked like trouble to me,
until I figured out how I could pin the thing shut.  It was black.
     The bottom, on the other hand, was this thing that looked like
someone had grafted a skirt onto a normal suit bottom.  And, no lie, it
had a small pocket in it.  And it was black.
     The two together made this weird sort of psycho jungle babe
impression on me in the mirrors.  Rachel didn't say anything, which I
had learned was sort of a bad sign, and Debbie just shook her head a
little.  "You know," she mentioned, "I think you're the only person I
know that could pull that combo off."
     "You could pull it off if you wanted to," I teased.

***
20:52 25 May

     I swear, things went black for a moment when Debbie told me how
much we'd bought, and how much I owed, for today.

***
21:17 25 May

     I was glad Rachel was driving, and that Debbie was taking her car
home, because I was so tired I was almost falling asleep in the middle
of sentences.

***
21:26 25 May

     "Val?"
     "Huh?"  I'd fallen asleep with my eyes open.
     "Weren't you taking you makeup off?"
     "Uh.  Yeah."  I went back to scrubbing my face.

***
21:27 25 May

     "Val!"
     "Huh?"
     "Finish taking your makeup off!"  Debbie sounded peeved.  I went
back to scrubbing.

***
21:28 25 May

     "Valerie!"
     "Uh?"  Oh yeah.

***
21:56 25 May

     "Oh, Deb, I just wish you could stay..."
     "Me too, sweetie, but you've got a big day tomorrow, and so do I,
and so we've both gotta get some sleep."
     "But-"  I was starting to whine.  I sighed instead, and just said,
"I'll miss you," and hugged her for all I was worth.

***
22:04 25 May

     Susan had cornered me in my room when I wasn't looking, and now she
wanted me to Explain Things.
     "So I need stuff for the job, like a work uniform, you know?"
     "That wasn't a uniform shirt I saw you in, Tuck!"
     "That was Debbie's idea!"
     "What, she MADE you put that on?"  I gathered that she didn't
believe anything of the sort.
     "Yeah, well, not literally, but, I mean..."  I sighed.  "It's real
hard to tell her no when she's got an idea.  Besides," I attempted a
smile, "she thinks it makes me look sexy."
     Susan put her head in her hands.

***
22:09 25 May

     "Tuck, you can't go blaming this on other people," she pointed out.
I guess it was obvious to her.
     "What do you mean?"
     "You said it was the only way to get a job-"
     "I didn't say that, I said it was a decent job, if you don't count
the, the clothes thing."
     She shook her head, staring at the ceiling.  "Tuck, there's plenty
of jobs that you could have done in normal clothes-"
     "It's not like I'll be wearing formals or something-"
     "I didn't say that!  Tuck, listen!"  She took a deep breath.
"You're doing this stuff, or agreeing to it, all the time.  Why?  What's
in it for you?"
     "Nothing!"
     "BULLshit," she disputed.  "And it's not just sex, or being friends
with girls, either.  What IS it doing for you?"

***
22:48 25 May

     I stared at the dark ceiling, wondering.

***


"I am at one with my duality." - Diane Wilson


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"Tallyho!"      \   /     @>--,--'--  ehayes@nym.alias.net  + vicki .sig
Ellen Hayes --=(*)=(*)=-- Renaissance Woman    ==[--------  + virus 9.1a
            http://www.geocities.com/WestHollywood/Heights/5734/



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