This file is a part of Elf Sternberg's Collected Works on ASSTR.  The
complete archive of Elf's work can be found on his website at:

http://www.drizzle.com/~elf

The author can be contacted at:

mailto:elf@drizzle.com

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             Starlight, Starbright, First Star I See My Life

Journal Entry 181 / 00093

Aldea, Urim 10, 00093

I stepped off of the SDisk and looked around. Nice town, a little quiet,
in places the grass growing just a little too long this late in the
spring. The air was full of insects buzzing about on this hot spring day.
I wandered up the road into town, passing a pair of Centaurs who couldn't
have been more than 20 years old apiece, staring into each other's eyes
and barely noticing me long enough to wave. We need a poem, like Terra's
'Hooray, hooray, it's May, it's May!' to signal this kind of weather,
this time of year.

It occurred to me that maybe Jahn had a coimelin, a lover, a roommate,
whatever. I sighed and willed myself to stop worrying about that, at
any rate. I had enough worries today.

I walked across to a short, squat building, looking slightly neglected
and forlorn amidst the rest, made of wood with last decade's paint slowly
peeling off from the corners. I could understand that; Jahn had a lot
more important issues on his agenda than the appearance of his office. I
knocked on the door.

"Come in!"

I walked in to find his office spartan and clean. A casually arranged
stack of transdocuments lay on his desk and he was reading them with a
careful eye, a pair of glasses across the bridge of his muzzle. "Hello?" I
asked.

The Uncia behind the desk looked up and startled. "Ken!"

"Jahn!" I laughed back, smiling. "How are you?"

He sighed, a dark expression crossing his face. "Not great."

I wandered around the desk and chair and gave him a big hug from behind.
"What's wrong?"

"Everything. My eyes have gotten even more farsighted than before... it
looks like they're going to grow me a new pair. In the meantime I have
to wear these things. Who came up with these anyway? They're killing my
muzzle." He rubbed the bridge softly. "The worst thing, though, is the
defense recourses for entalie's."

I looked at him, confused. "I thought we were past that."

"I thought we were, too, seventy years ago." He sighed gently. "The
problem, Ken, lies in those people who, for whatever reason, are
completely uninterested in people of their own species and opposite sex,
particularly the females."

"That's your last issue?"

"It's still a big one. I've got four thousand fems across the ring who,
for whatever reason, have no intention of breeding, ever. I don't care
if they're lesbian or heterosexual or rhyshic or whatever. They just
don't want to breed. The trouble is, there's a 'denial of diversity'
movement that specifically targets these people."

"'Denial of diversity?'"

He sighed. "They're arguing that by staying out of the gene pool these
people are denying their genetic material to future generations, and that
they may be harboring the genes for genius, or talent, or whatever, and...
Basically, it's a war of words. But these people, even the 'recalcitrant'
males, are hurting because of it."

I nodded. "Any hope? What about of a few gene projects? You know, borrow
an egg or two, find a good home for it?" I was joking, of course, but
there was an element of truth to what I said.

"We do that. It doesn't help. There seems to be an issue here of
standards. These people want to enforce a sexual standard, namely that
of some kind of heterosexual, infraspecies behavior as a minimum."

I sighed. "Anything I could do to help?"

"A position paper?" he asked, smiling. "It's not the point. I don't want
Vatare' Shardik to come down off his throne and preach to the masses. It
would help, but I think we'd see some resentment there as well."

"I'd be a bad example. I still have sex with human women."

He nodded. "I know. Speaking of which, how's your new roommate?"

"P'nyssa?" I laughed. "She's hardly human. She's fine, I guess. It's funny
how after even years we're still playing 'Getting to Know You' games."

"Ken... Back on your world, Terra, where you came from... Do they have
this kind of problem?"

I looked Jahn over and sighed. "It's worse there."

"Worse? How much worse?"

"Entalie' of any kind are routinely hounded, assaulted... in some
districts, having a single Entalie' encounter can engender a death
sentence."

Jahn whistled low. "You're not joking, are you?"

"Not in the least."

"Oh." He looked down at his desk. "At least here it's just a war of words.
Nobody's gotten hurt yet, although I did get a report last month of a
femSatryl being harassed."

"Nothing serious?"

"Not really." He rubbed his eyes again. "So, let's ignore the serious
stuff for a moment and ask you what's the purpose of this visit?"

"Well," I said, my nervousness returning, "I need a favor of you."

"A favor?" he asked, smiling. "What kind of favor?"

I thought for a second. "Jahn, tonight, well, in a few hours, Pendor as we
know it is going to change." His expression held rock steady. "Something's
going to happen, but I'm not going to say what. I've been keeping it a
secret for some time now. Nobody's going to get hurt, but we're going
to have a new field of science, and it should be interesting."

"So why are you here?" he asked calmly.

"Jahn, I want to do something dramatic to herald the change, something
I won't forget." Somehow, I couldn't believe I was saying these things.
"Jahn, I want to lose my virginity again. I want you to make love to me."

His composure broke. Which, in a way, was interesting to watch. He looked
confused for a moment, then looked up at me and said, "You're sure?"

"If I were sure I wouldn't be handling this as roughshod as I did the
first time, remember?"

He chuckled and stood up, standing around and hugging me softly. "Kennet
Shardik, Vatare' Pendoro, wants to be my sacrificial virgin for something
of a sea-change."

"Something like that," I laughed, grabbing him and embracing him hard.
"So, is it a yes, or a no?"

"It's a yes! What, are you kidding?" He laughed. "I've waited nearly
seventy years to know what I could do to pay you back for that night."

"Well, now you know."

"I'm not sure this is payback. I might have TWO receipts after this."

I wondered where he'd picked up the economic lingo. It surely wasn't
typical for Pendor. "Either way, I want it. Will you?"

"When does this event happen?"

I glanced at my watch. "A little over two hours."

He chuckled. "Give me a few minutes. I want to assemble a few things."

I nodded. He left me standing in the office while he wandered back into
his home. A few minutes later he reappeared with a backpack. "Ready?" I
nodded. "Let's go, then. I assume you have a place picked out?"

"I do, but we'll have to go by the Castle first to transfer.

He nodded. "Lead the way." I stepped out and we walked back up the street
to the neighborhood SDisk, stepping on it to get to Shardik Castle. From
there, I gave another command and we appeared on a plain of rolling,
yellowing grasses. The air was warm, and like Jahn's hometown, filled
with insects, but they always seemed to be far away, never actually
biting us or getting into our fur.

Jahn seemed stunned. "We aren't on Pendor?"

I looked around. "No... this is Pandora."

He looked up and around. "That stripe in the sky... is that Pendor?"

"Yep."

"I've never been here before. Do we have to be here to watch the change?"

I shook my head. "Not really. It's just about the best place I could
think of to watch it happen."

"What's going to happen?"

I looked up into the completely black sky. "You'll see. It'll be
interesting."

I sat down on the grass and said, "So, what's in the pack?"

"Oh, you know," he said. "The usual." He opened up the pack and pulled
out a round of cheese, cutting wedges out for both of us.

I looked him over. A little shorter than I, Jahn is a gorgeous example
of an Uncia. He's a very pretty snow leopard, with bright white fur and
short, black stripes. I thanked him for the cheese and took a bite. There
were two layers on the outside edge of the cheese; between the wax layer
and the cheese was a layer of animal intestine, using it as you would a
casing for sausage, to hold the cheese in during the aging process. It
gave the cheese a wonderful, metallic taste. "This is good."

"Like that? It's made at Taurangoth. I found it about ten years ago
and I think it's becoming a bit of a rage among Uncia." He passed me
a bottle of water, and I drank it along with the cheese. "I have some
jerked meat in here as well, if you'd like."

"What kind?"

"Oh, let's see..." He rummaged about in the sack. "Rabbit, deer, beef,
I think."

"Hand some over." He gave me a few long strands of dried meat and I ate
them with him in silence.

"Why do you want to do this?" he asked suddenly.

"Let's just say I'm in the mood."

"In the mood?"

"Yeah. What's wrong with saying I'm in the mood?"

"Being in the mood to lose your virginity is a pretty bad reason."

"Jahn," I said, "I've thought about this for a long time. I couldn't think
of any other male I wanted more to do this for me. I've been intrigued
for a long time... I feel that this is right for me, and you're the
right person."

He chuckled and reached out, touching my shoulder. "Okay, I see that
you've thought about this."

"I better have."

He chuckled. "Yes, you better have." He shifted around and sat behind me,
holding me close. "You're really sure?"

I looked at my watch. The time was getting close. "Half an hour."

"Is that all?"

"That's all. Then life as we know it ceases to be."

He smiled, scratching slowly at my tunic. "Take off your shirt."

I took it off and tossed it aside. He had already set aside his g-string.
His scratched softly at my chest, and it felt strange, but I slowly
eased against him and relaxed. "You've gotten pretty confident," I said.

"You taught me that, Ken. Even though you yourself aren't really entalie'
or a part of what we are, you know the language, you have the compassion.
You helped me understand myself. I owe you for that."

"I know," I whispered softly. "You're getting hard."

He chuckled. "Yes, I am. You want it inside you?"

"The moment of truth. Yes, but I want to enjoy your touch, first."

"Then enjoy it." He slowly touched my stomach, his hands trailing down
over the denim of my pants and caressing my thighs.

I tried to relax, but inside I felt so nervous. "Jahn?"

"Hmm?"

"Does it hurt? The first time? I mean, a lot or a little?"

He chuckled. "It depends, Ken, on how ready you are, how gentle I am,
how much lubricant we use..." His voice trailed off. "But it will hurt,
at least a little."

"You can't tell how much?"

"Nobody can," Jahn said softly. "Losing your virginity is always
difficult."

I chuckled. He kept scratching my chest softly, then said, "Lie down on
the grass."

"What? On my back or my stomach?"

"On your stomach. If that's not a problem?"

"No, that's not a problem," I replied, turning over, out of his lap and
lying in the grass.

"You could take your pants off, first."

I blushed. "You really want to start like this?"

"No, Ken, I want to relax you... so lie down and let me give you
a massage."

"Oh," I said, a little sheepishly. I lay down and took off my pants,
squirming about as I did so, and tossing them aside. "What do you think?"

"You haven't changed," he said quietly.

"Take a look at my wrists."

He caught the reference and was quiet for a long time. Then he said,
"I'd rather not."

I nodded gently. "I have changed... in some ways."

"You kept the scars, I'm assuming by that comment."

I nodded again, feeling the grass graze by my cheek. Actually, I had
them put back. "I wanted to keep them. I need to be reminded. I need to
know why I came back."

His hands spread along my back, easing the muscles gently. I sighed and
relaxed; few people give backrubs good enough for my taste... I tend to
be very tense, and many people start too hard or too violently. I turned
my watch and looked at it; it was getting close to time. I moaned softly
as his hands worked down over my lower back, getting closer to my butt; I
felt a little uncomfortable at the attention he gave me, especially there.
I squirmed against the grass; I was getting an erection.

His hands left my buttocks and trailed down my thighs. He took his time,
easing my nervousness and tenseness. "Jahn," I sighed.

"Hmm?"

"Feels wonderful."

He chuckled softly. "You asked for this," he reminded me softly,
his finger playing along the cleft of my buttocks. "Remember that,
you wanted me to make love to you." I nodded again. "Are you ready?"

"I think so," I said, looking at my watch. Only ten minutes left. I
sighed softly as I felt his breath spread over the cheeks of my ass;
his paws pulled my buttocks apart gently, and his long, feline tongue
slid along my hole.

The sensation went straight through my head; I moaned softly, more as
he continued nuzzling into my anus with his tongue, carefully, so as not
to be too rough with the very feline front. He moved away for a moment,
and I could feel his body moving back and forth, very slowly; in my
anticipation I dared not turn around and look at his growing erection. In
my memory he was large, but not frighteningly so. I wondered if I would
think differently once he was inside me.

There was a warm, wet sensation over my buttocks, and then his paw,
spreading it about; he teased my virgin hole with his finger, then slid
it in just a centimeter or so. I moaned again; there was pain, but also
pleasure, in his finger, teasing my insides, squirming about. I wondered
what I looked like, lying in the grass like that, this Uncia, small for
his race but still larger than I, kneeling over my outstretched form.
"Ready?" he asked again.

I just nodded. I felt him shift, and then I felt the head of his penis
press against my backside. "A little lower," I whispered, correcting
his aim. He shifted and pressed. I tried to look at my watch, but my
hand trembled softly at the approaching threat, and I found myself more
fascinated by the trembling. "Slowly," I hissed.

"I know, I know," he growled gently. Even through his characteristic
growl, I could feel his concern. He wanted this to be good for me. I
wanted it to be good for him, too. He pressed gently.

My sphincter spasmed open suddenly, and he pressed against it, sliding in.
I gasped; it hurt, it felt like I was being torn open. But still, just
the trembling in my limbs gave away the shock I was feeling. And somehow,
it felt good to be feeling that, to be feeling for him the pain I was
going through. He slid in deeper.

There was almost no sensation as he slid in until his hips pressed
against my buttocks; just an odd filling going deeper and deeper into
me. "How is it?" he asked.

"It hurts," I gasped softly. I felt tears running across the bridge of
my nose.

"Of course it hurts," he said. "I warned you."

"I know," I whispered.

"How does it feel now?"

"It's... okay. I'm getting used to it."

"Good," he sighed, slowly pulling out. I whimpered again as I felt the
violated ring of my anus pull against his cock, then press inwards as
he pushed downwards again. "Still hurt?"

"Yes," I whispered. "Don't stop."

He started going faster; the pain in my sphincter faded almost completely
as he sped up, fucking me harder and harder. And then the pain changed,
becoming pleasure... pleasure I couldn't ignore. I could hear myself
panting with him as he made love to me, took me for the first time. His
hips bucked against me; his legs were between mine. My cock was thrust
against the grass, but I wasn't erect. Still, it felt wonderful to be
where I was, under him.

And the pleasure remained, but it was joined by a new pain. I think
parts of me were wearing out under this new sensation, this new pleasure.
"Jahn," I whispered.

"I know, I know..." he growled. "Just a little more." His thrusts
became more urgent, more powerful; he lifted himself up on his knees. We
panted in synch as he approached his climax, closer and closer, his cock
thrusting between my buttocks, deep within my asshole. Little whimpers
escaped him, and then a final, thrusting gasp as he came within me.

I reached up with my right hand and toyed with his ears, tousling
his fur.  We lay together, face down in the grass, his cock within me,
slowly subsiding. "Ken?" he gasped.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Are you okay?"

I sighed gently. "I think so." I felt him slip out of me and to the side.
"How about you?"

"I think so, too," he smiled.

I looked into his eyes and leaned up to kiss him. "Thank you, lover,"
I whispered.

I looked up past his shoulder as he looked down at me. While we had been
making love, in a place and time elsewhere, much earlier in my life--
probably just before Paul had been born, I would guess-- the core of my
empire, my existence, vanished from me for a split second. And in that
second she had come to me, here, to fulfill her final promise to me. She
had opened the pocket universe Pendor resided in, pushed the limits of,
by its sheer creation. And then Fawn had returned to the other Kennet
Shardik, the Kennet Shardik that existed before.

I nuzzled his cheek. "Jahn," I whispered. "Look up. At the sky."

He raised his head slowly and looked up into the clear night sky. He
was silent for a while. Then his muzzle move to form words, and slowly
he said, "Ken... are those yours?"

I chuckled and got up on my knees; my insides felt weird, but not
painfully so. I hugged Jahn softly, resting my head against his shoulder.
Although it had been over a century since I had last seen what he was
seeing, I felt it more important to hug him and be with him then to join
his vision. His body felt good against mine, his strength and his care
pure. "No, Jahn... if they belong to anybody, they belong to something
more powerful and pervasive than myself."

"What... what are they?"

"They're stars, Jahn."

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Original document is available from:
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The Journal Entries of Kennet R'yal Shardik, et. al., and Related Tales
are Copyright (c) 1989-2000 Elf Mathieu Sternberg. Distribution limited
to electronic media not-for-profit use only. All other rights are reserved
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