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Tuckin' Around -*- Copyright 1999 by Ellen Hayes.

Any resemblance between the writings in this work, and any actual
persons or places, living or dead, are purely coincidental, except when
used for satirical purposes.

This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and
possibly sex.  If you are legally not allowed to read materials
containing such things, then you will be breaking the law by reading
this.  I am not responsible.
Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it
in any format means that you explicitly affirm that you are legally
allowed to possess and read such materials in your city, county/parish,
state, and country.

All rights reserved.  See the bottom for distribution rights.


Tuckin' Around


***
05:59 27 May

     I woke up about thirty seconds before the alarm went off.  "Oh,
God, why did I want a job?" I moaned to the ceiling.
     Nothing answered, which was not a bad thing.

***
06:19 27 May

     I dripped my way back to my room, wondering whether I could get
away with wearing the same clothes I'd worn for a couple hours
yesterday.

***
06:38 27 May

     I was making sure I had a spare book with me, when someone tapped
on my door.  I opened it, to find Amy smiling at me.
     "Morning," she said.
     "What are you doing up?"  She shrugged.  "Whatsup?"
     "Just wanted to wish you good luck."  She reached out her arms, and
gave me a hug.
     "Uh, thanks.  What're you doing today?"
     She shrugged.  "Dunno.  It's looking like I oughta get a job too,
or something.  With you and Susan being gone all day-"
     "Sorry!
     "Don't worry about it, I'm a big girl."  She grinned.  "Do you know
if Debbie has any more job openings?"
     "Uh, I can ask, I guess, if you're serious..."
     "What time do you get off tonight?"

***
06:42 27 May

     "Keys, dumbass, you forgot the keys!"  That made it kind of hard to
get into the car, and drive it.  Then again, I'd only had a car for
maybe twelve hours, so it wasn't too surprising I wasn't used to it yet.

***
07:04 27 May

     "Hi Rachel, it's me..."
     She glared at me out of one eye, then rolled over.

***
07:28 27 May

     I don't know why I was nervous.  I mean, I'd done this yesterday,
and a few times before that, and it hadn't been that much of a problem.
     Maybe it was just the driving part.

***
07:29 27 May

     "Good morning, Valerie," Mister Parker said as he adjusted his tie.
"Good to see you back."
     "Good morning," I said back as he let me in and walked towards the
rear of the house.

***
07:34 27 May

     Miz Parker sighed.  "I hate to miss breakfast," she said sadly as
she handed me a freshly fed Stella.  Stella frowned and started to
whimper as she tried to see if Mommy was leaving.
     "Breakfast?" Mister Parker said as he was filling a travel mug with
coffee.
     "Valerie fixed breakfast yesterday, for the kids, and since I was
here..."  She smiled at him.
     "Maybe I should stay at home," he smiled back at her, "and evaluate
the babysitter's cooking, hmmm?"  He kissed her, so I made myself busy
elsewhere.
     Just what I wanted.

***
08:02 27 May

     There was a frantic pounding on the front door, and Ricky shot up
screaming "I GOT IT!"
     "Ricky, I'm supposed to get the door!" I reminded him as I chased
him.  I would have caught him, too, if the house had been bigger.  He
flung the door open, and there were Gary and Davy.
     Ricky didn't stop, though; he just kept on going out the front
door, and started screaming.  Gary and Davy saw him as he flew past, saw
me, and decided that Ricky was having a good idea.  So they took off
running and screaming too.
     I sighed.  I needed this, I really did.  I stopped, realizing there
was no way I could catch all three of them without a harpoon gun, or at
least handcuffs, so I leaned against the doorframe.
     A few minutes of running around in the yard screaming incoherent
things at each other, and they walked back up to the porch, breathing
hard.  "Did you fix breakfast?" Davy asked.

***
08:14 27 May

     "Aren't you gonna eat more?" Ricky asked me.  "Mom eats more than
that."
     "Um, no.  I'm not that hungry, I had a late supper."  At least
Mister Parker wasn't here too.

***
08:56 27 May

     They fought over the television listings as I sat and played
bouncy-bouncy with Stella on the couch.

***
09:02 27 May

     "Remember, you said we could yesterday," Ricky reminded me, as if I
needed reminding.
     "I know, I know," I sighed.  And got up off the couch, which was
immediately disassembled into cushions.  Davy stopped for a second in
front of me and Stella.
     "Um, it's secret... so you can't watch."
     I considered this for a long time.  Bad idea, said part of me.
     "I'm going to," I emphasized that, "going to come in and check on
you guys when I feel like it.  Just to make sure."  And I took a mental
inventory of things that should not be involved in secret base building
in the living room.

***
09:21 27 May

     I casually wandered in, to find something that looked frighteningly
organic covering the television set.  "What the-"  A head popped out,
then back in.  "Guys!  Out!"
     There were some scuffling noises, and finally all three of them
crawled out from I don't know where, and stood defensively in front of
it.
     Pause.
     "You realize, this is all going away before your folks get home," I
mentioned.
     "Awwww-"

***
09:24 27 May

     A long, involved description of what the parents could do to them,
and what I would do to them if I got in trouble too, convinced them that
my idea was correct.  Or at least the least painful.

***
09:35 27 May

     "Gggggggg," Stella gargled as I lifted her up to wipe her rear end.
     "You said it, kid," I replied.  Wiping off the rear end of a baby
was not going to be my favorite part of this job, I could tell already.

***
11:24 27 May

     Two checks later, and all I could tell was that they had had an
argument or something inside the "secret base", but nothing sounded
busted over the sound of the TV.
     And Stella was having all sorts of fun with strained peas.  Bleah.
     I guess, technically, I was too, but she looked like she'd rather
be elsewhere, sort of.  She WAS eating, she just kept losing focus.  At
least I think she was eating.  For all I know, she was storing it in
cheek pouches for later.

***
11:37 27 May

     "Something quick," I mumbled to Stella, who yodelled back at me.
     A small face popped around the corner.  "Are you fixing lunch?"
     Something quick....
     "Can you do those potato things again?"

***
12:09 27 May

     Four baked potatoes were quickly disappearing.  I'd pulled out all
the salad dressings, and ranch and French seemed to be the most popular.
I still liked the Italian, though.
     Stella liked a couple of spoonfuls of mushed (and I mean seriously
mushed) potato, so it was sort of cool, us all eating the same thing
together.
     "Where'd you learn to cook like this?" Davy asked.
     "She made it up," Ricky told him.
     "We have potatoes all the time," Gary boasted.  Ricky was about as
impressed as I was, which was not at all, but I stayed neutral and had
some more of mine.  It was pretty good.

***
13:06 27 May

     "No, you guys can't go swimming until you disassemble that thing in
the living room!"
     "AWWWWWWW!"
     "Wwwwwww," Stella commented, and looked at me for approval.  I gave
her a belly zerbert.  She squealed and giggled.
     "Whyyyyyyy?" whined Ricky.
     I took a deep breath.  "Because, if you spend all afternoon
swimming, then you won't have time to fix it then, and then your parents
will get home, and so on and so on."
     They glared sullenly at me, then Gary tapped both of them on the
shoulder and they went into a huddle.  I spent the time tickling Stella.
When they finally got finished, Ricky told me, "If we wait until later,
can we still go swimming?"
     I shrugged.  "I guess so."
     "Okay!"  One by one, they dove back into the whatever-it-was.  And
the television came back on.
     "I have got to get a laptop," I told Stella.
     "Llllllfffffffffff," Stella said.  Then she stuck her hand in her
mouth.

***
14:28 27 May

     I was encouraging Stella to crawl across the kitchen when Davy
appeared and just missed kicking her in the head.  "Ooops," he said.
     "Don't kick the baby, or I'll have to kill you," I told him as I
stood up.  He looked a bit worried.  "What's up?"
     "We got the, uh, the uh....   We cleaned everything up," he finally
got out.  "Can we go swimming now?"
     I looked outside, looked at my watch, looked at Stella.  "Sure," I
told him when I got back to looking at him.
     He ran off screaming, Stella got surprised and scared and started
to cry, and I sighed and picked Stella up to go get towels et cetera.

***
15:44 27 May

     Stella was sleeping when I finished my book, and so I decided to go
downstairs and watch the kids for a while.  Besides, it was almost time
for more sunscreen.

***
15:48 27 May

     "So how come you're not swimming?" Ricky asked as I smoothed
whitish goo all over his backside.
     "I, don't feel like changing."
     "Oh, come on, you could go swimming in that," he said, turning
around and pointing at my T shirt and shorts.
     "No, your mom said swimsuits in the pool."
     "Did you bring a swimsuit?" he asked, and Gary and Davy giggled.
     "I DON'T want to go swimming right now.  Besides, I need to watch
Stella."
     Ricky assured me, "She'll be okay in her crib."
     "Who's the babysitter again?"  He rolled his eyes at me.

***
15:59 27 May

     "Besides," I mentioned to a sleeping Stella, "I don't trust that
suit."  Stella said nothing.

***
16:14 27 May

     The phone started to ring, and I had a mad dash to a phone I'd
never seen in the master bedroom to get it before the answering machine
did.  "Hello, ParkerresidencemayIhelpyou?" I panted.
     "Uh!  Valerie?" asked Miz Parker, like someone else would be
answering the phone.
     "Yes, ma'am?"
     "Is everything okay?"
     "Uh.. yeah, why?"
     "You just sounded funny... listen..."  I listened.  "Are you sure
everything's alright there?" she asked suspiciously.
     "I'm sure!"
     She sighed into the phone.  "Okay... anyway, what I called for, was
to tell you that you don't need to cook dinner tonight, alright?"
     "Okay... um, you're not mad at me for cooking yesterday, are you?"
     "No!  No, not at all, and it was a very nice thing to do.  I, I
just feel like cooking myself tonight," she chuckled.  "And besides,
it's not fair to you, to ask you to stay and cook, especially when you
go home while we're eating."
     I pointed out, "Well that means I don't have to do the pots and
stuff either."
     She laughed.

***
16:58 27 May

     "You're not cooking dinner?" Ricky complained as he dried off.
     "Nope.  Your mom wants to cook tonight."
     "Awwwwww."
     "Wwwwww," agreed Stella.

***
17:45 27 May

     "And if I can just get all this makeup off..." I told myself in the
mirror.
     Something started buzzing in my purse, and I wondered what the hell
was going on until I remembered I had a pager now.  I dug it out, and it
said, "HEY COOL STOP THANX FOR THE SOFTWARE STOP YOU WANNA COME OVER
AFTER DINNER QUERY MIKE."

***
18:04 27 May

     "Hi Mom, Dad..."  I kissed Mom on the cheek as I slid into my seat
at the table.
     "How was sitting today?" Mom asked.
     I took a breath.  "Okay, I guess.  No problems when I left,
anyway."  Amy carried out a platter full of meat of some sort.  "Oh,
hey, did you cook today?"  Brian made a retching motion.

***
18:58 27 May

     Brian and I ignored each other as much as we could while washing
dishes together.  I mean, it wasn't my fault he'd gotten locked at home
tonight.  He should know better than to say stuff like that in front of
the 'rents.

***
19:02 27 May

     "Hey Mike!"
     "TUUUUUCK!" he yelled into the phone.  I winced.

***
19:03 27 May

     "Amy's bored, that's why she wants to come with."
     "Uh, sure.  She's still cool, right?" Mike asked suspiciously.
     "Yeah, as far as I can tell."
     "Sure, no prob.  Whatcha wanna do?"
     "Dunno.  Just hang, yak, I guess."

***
19:05 27 May

     Amy shrugged.  "Sure.  I haven't seen him since the party, and it
was kinda hard to talk to him.  And you've been pretty scarce too."
     "Sorry!"
     "I thought," she said, trying to sound serious, "that you said
you'd never get a social life."
     "That's what I thought.  But, you know, things..."  I shrugged.

***
19:16 27 May

     "Let's take Tuck's car," Amy suggested with a grin.
     "Oh, Buddha preserve us," Mike prayed to the sky.
     "What?!"
     "You still can't drive that thing."
     "I can too!  I drove it to work and back today-"
     "Oooh, babysitting-"
     "Shut up, Mike."
     Amy giggled, "Yeah, shut up Mike."  He grunted and waved his hands
in the air in capitulation.

***
22:44 27 May

     I sat and looked at my ice cream.
     "Tuck?"
     I looked up, and Mike and Amy were both looking at me.  "Sorry," I
said, and took a deep breath.  "Life just... gets me down sometimes."
     They both nodded like they knew what I was talking about.
     "Tell me about it?" Amy suggested.  "If you want to."

***
23:19 27 May

     We were sitting on the hood of my car, and I was hoping it wasn't
going to collapse under us.
     "Weird shit," Amy commented.  "I knew there was something wrong,
but..."
     Pause.
     "He's still mostly the same ol' Tuck, though," Mike commented.
     "It doesn't feel the same, sometimes," I said.  Mike elbowed me
lightly, but I ignored it.
     "So, I mean, what, I mean, like what's gonna happen?"
     I shrugged.  "Nobody knows, yet.  The only thing the doctor says is
that things are not gonna be normal."
     Mike said, "You weren't normal to begin with, Tuck.  None of us
were."
     "Yeah, I know, but... not like this.  Not like it was biological,
like this."  I felt again the sick sense of futility I'd felt about my
life since April.  "It's like, now I don't have a choice.  I'm gonna be
a freak the rest of my life.  I just, I mean, it's like the worst thing
is, I don't even know HOW I'm gonna be a freak-"
     "Tuck, stop it," Mike warned.  "That way lies madness."  In a more
normal voice, he said, "We're not gonna abandon you just because you
have a medical problem, even if it is a weird one."
     "Yeah," Amy added emphatically.  "You know I don't do that, just
because someone has a problem."
     "I know," I sighed.  "It, it just gets me down sometimes."
     Pause.
     "Thanks," I added.  "It really means a lot."

***
00:04 28 May

     "'Night, Tuck."
     "'Night Amy."
     "Want me to get you up in the morning?" she grinned.
     "If I'm not up by six thirty, yeah.  Please."  I yawned.

***
06:00 28 May

     Oh, God, the shrieking of the damned-
     No, wait, that was my alarm clock.

***
06:28 28 May

     I stepped out of the bathroom to find Amy waiting for me.  "Ahhh!"
I remarked.
     "Morning, stud buns," she giggled before she pushed her way past me
and shut the door behind her.
     "Stud buns?" I said to the empty hallway.

***
06:40 28 May

     "With your harem, I mean," she explained.
     "My harem?"
     "All those girls?" she reminded me.
     "But I'm dating Debbie, remember?"
     "Yeah, sure," she scoffed.  "Oh, that reminds me, can I get
Debbie's number?"
     "Um," I scrabbled in my brain for a bit before her cellular number
floated to the surface.  Then I decided that the pager would be good
enough.

***
07:25 28 May

     I was still confused as I walked up to the door.

***
08:14 28 May

     "It looks like rain, that's why."
     "But," Ricky protested, "the weather lady said it's not gonna rain,
it's just gonna be cloudy."
     "Oh yeah?  Let's see what the paper says."  Especially since I had
no Internet with me.

***
08:16 28 May

     And there it was, as big as life:
     LOCAL PRINCIPAL ARRESTED FOR ASSAULT, BATTERY
     And this huuuuge picture of our own dear deer-in-the-headlights
Nickerson.

***
08:17 28 May

     "Mike!  MIKE!"
     "Whatwhatwhat?" he complained.
     "Have you seen the paper this morning?"
     "Fuck no, Tuck, I've been fucking asleep!"  He sounded like he'd
been up late last night, poor baby.
     "Well, go look, I swear you'll feel better."
     I heard him grumble as he dropped the phone and get out of bed.

***
08:18 28 May

     "OH MY GOD!" Mike screamed into the phone, which scared me so bad I
almost screamed myself.  "DID YOU-"
     "Yes!  That's why I called, oh my God he's GONE!!!"

***
08:26 28 May

     So I figured, what the hell, I ought to celebrate somehow.  Mike
was calling everyone, since I really wasn't supposed to use the phone
for personal calls.  And the kids wanted to go swimming...
     "Are you done yet?" some small male voice called through the
bathroom door.
     "Almost!" I called back.

***
08:32 28 May

     Somehow I managed to stuff all four kids in my (mine mine mine mine
mine mine...) car for a trip out, my treat.
     "So what's the big deal?" Gary asked.
     "The principal is gone, gone gone gone-"
     "What?"
     "The principal of my school, he got arrested yesterday.  For
hitting someone."  Life was skittles, life was beer...

***
08:34 28 May

     "When we're poisoning pigeons in the park!" everyone shrieked.  I
flinched when I heard just how off-key everyone was.
     Still, I gamely rose to the lyrics, and recited, "We've gained
notoriety, and caused much anxiety, in the Audobon Society, with our
little games..."  I was glad Debbie had left the tape player in the car,
otherwise I would have been lost.

***
08:54 28 May

     "Can we go hang on the playscape?" Davy asked.  I nodded, and the
three of them teleported out with a pop, leaving emptiness where they
had stood moments before.
     "Fast, huh?" I asked Stella, who looked up at me and absently stuck
her left hand in her mouth, then looked down at it like it was an
intruder.
     I made sure I could see all of them, and turned back to eating my
fries and tickling Stella when necessary.

***
09:32 28 May

     I was just about to stand up and go for a walk before my butt went
completely numb, when the boys came back inside and asked, "Can we go
swimming now?"
     "We can go home," I explained, "but you still have to wait before
you go swimming."
     "Awwwwww!" they protested, like I expected.
     "Wwwwwwww," commented Stella, just to put her two cents in.

***
09:50 28 May

     "Beg."
     "We are begging," Gary pointed out.
     "I mean like in the movies, on your knees and stuff."
     Gary dropped to his knees instantly; it took the other two a few
seconds.  "Oh please, oh great and wonderful babysitter," Gary started.
     "We'll be your friend forever," Ricky added.
     Davy contributed, "You can come to our birthday parties."
     Gary started bowing and scraping, saying, "Please!" every time he
hit vertical.  The other two picked it up quickly enough.

***
09:53 28 May

     "NO RUNNING!" I screamed at all three of them.  They slowed to a
race walker's pace towards the diving board, and Ricky somehow
outmaneuvered the other two, to yells of protest, and did a running leap
off the end, culminating in a cannonball which actually got water on me.

***
10:56 28 May

     Stella had been fretting, so I was singing stuff off the radio to
her.  Lullabyes were kind of boring.
     "Images of rapture,
      Creep into me slowly,
      As you're goin', to my head.
      And my heart beats faster
      When you take me over
      Time and time and time again.
      But it's just a sweet sweet fantasy baby,
      When I close my eyes
      You come and you take me..."

     Stella squealed in happiness as I took her little arms and moved
them in time to the music.
     I was kind of glad they weren't playing something like Metallica
right now.

***
10:58 28 May

     A dripping Davy climbed out of the pool and walked over to us.  I
guess he was thirsty, because the first thing he did was take this huge
gulp of Kool-Aid.  Then another.  Then another.
     Stella giggled, and I made some unintelligible noises at her, and
blew a zerbert on her tummy, which made her giggle some more.
     "You sing pretty good," Davy said before he dashed back to the
pool.
     I wondered what the hell to do with that.

***
11:09 28 May

     Stella had gone to the bathroom - well, we'd changed her diaper -
so I felt it was safe to take her in the pool for a little while.  After
the boys got another dose of sunblock, of course.  I took some too,
while I was at it.
     "How come we have to wear this stuff when it's cloudy?" Gary
complained.
     "Because, clouds don't block the part of sunlight that burns very
well.  And you'd feel pretty dumb if you got a sunburn today."
     "Nuh uh!"
     "Ask your mom, I'm not lying about this.  You think I LIKE rubbing
this stuff on you guys?"
     That got him, I could tell.

***
11:11 28 May

     "I thought you had to wear a suit if you were going swimming,"
Ricky pointed out.
     I sighed.  "I'm not swimming, I'm playing with Stella on the steps.
There's a difference."

***
11:32 28 May

     "What's for lunch?"
     I sighed.  "I dunno, what do you guys want?"
     That, predictably, started a loud argument.

***
12:09 28 May

     Hot dogs it was, and since it still wasn't raining, I said that
everyone could eat outside.  I also figured it would make cleaning
Stella up easier.
     "Aren't you going to eat anything?" Davy asked.
     "In a while.  I have to feed Stella first."  I tried another
spoonful of pea mush.  Stella tried another attempt to turn it into pea
spray.
     "You're not doing too well," Ricky observed.
     "I think she enjoys doing this too much.  And don't talk with your
mouth full, Ricky."  I didn't need to look up to tell what he was doing,
either.

***
13:02 28 May

     The rain had finally started, and it looked like it was settling in
for a long stay.  And the kids were bored.
     Oh, God.  Trapped in Hell.
     "Um, what about..."  I thought about it, and didn't have anything.
"Can you guys think of anything?"
     Three faces looked up at me.  They were saying, you're the
babysitter, you think of something.
     Peachy.

***
13:03 28 May

     "Charades?"
     Groans.  Nope.
     "Um.... Monopoly?"
     "That takes too long!"  That was, in fact, the reason I brought it
up.  Wretched children.
     "Ahhh...."  I thought of Quarters, but luckily the smart part of my
brain paralyzed my mouth before I could get it out.  I could just
imagine Miz Parker saying, "You taught the kids what?"
     "We could play Army men," Ricky suggested.  The first image that
floated to mind was me and Mike almost falling down the stairs over a
dispute about whether tanks could shoot infantry.  THEN, I remembered I
was supposed to be a girl, and most girls didn't do things like that.
Amy was a special case.
     You'd think the dress I was wearing would have reminded me, but no.
     Which is what I said, "No."

***
13:22 28 May

     "Yes, ma'am, we're all bored, and Gary suggested the mall, and I
can't think of anything else to do this afternoon, since it's
raining..."
     "There's got to be HUNDREDS of things to do in that house!"
     Gee, where had I heard that before?  "Yes, ma'am," I took a deep
breath, "and we discussed most of 'em, and nobody could agree on
anything.  I mean, we even considered repainting the living room, that's
how bad it is."
     Silence.
     "That was one of the ideas I threw out, I mean..." I added hastily
as the air chilled around the phone.
     After a minute, during which I imagined her scratching out the note
on the Post-It that said 'have babysitter killed', she asked, "Do you
really think you can handle all four of them at the mall?"
     "Well, we were okay at McDonalds this morning..."

***
13:24 28 May

     "Can we go?" Gary asked excitedly.
     "IF," I yelled to get their attention, "if you guys are very very
good.  I can't run after all three of you, and your moms," I was going
to tell a big lie here, "said that if you disappeared in the mall and I
couldn't find you, that I could call the police and have you arrested as
a runaway."
     Pause.
     Ricky asked hesitantly, "You, you wouldn't really do that, would
you?  I mean, what if I- I mean, one of us got lost or something?"
     "Better stay close, then."
     Never underestimate the value of a good lie.

***
13:34 28 May

     Whistle, diapers, formula in the one-shot pre-prepped bottles,
wipes, toy, changing sheet, towel, soap...  "I mean, are we going
to the mall or mountain climbing?"  It was a rhetorical question, and I
was immensely glad the boys hadn't heard it, as there would have been
screams to go mountain climbing.

***
13:52 28 May

     "You guys gotta help me get the baby stuff."
     "But it's RAINING!"
     *Oh, like that exempts you?* I thought.  What about me?  "I know,
but we don't want the baby to get wet.  Wetter."  It must have been the
motion of the car that set her off.  "Let's..."  Ding! went the clue
bell.  "Listen, can you watch her for a couple of minutes?  'Cause if
you can, you can avoid getting wet."

***
13:54 28 May

     With the kids safely inserted under an overhang, with instructions
to use force on each other to keep any of them from leaving the area,
all I had to do now was park.  And walk back in what looked like a
blizzard.

***
13:58 28 May

     "Boy are YOU wet!" Ricky felt it necessary to point out.
     "Uh..."  A dozen things flashed through my mind, all of them things
that would get me into trouble.  "Yeah.  I'm wet.  Let's go in."
     We went into the mall proper, and I instantly got cold.  I tried to
remember why this had looked like such a good idea, back when I was warm
and dry back at the house...
     "And your makeup's all runny," Davy observed.

***
14:04 28 May

     "Because I have to change Stella, that's why."  I really felt like
explaining this in detail to all three of the brats not.  "Stay HERE," I
pointed emphatically.

***
14:07 28 May

    Luckily, not only did the restroom have a changing station, but I
knew what it was.  So Stella and I were having the usual amusement, her
of trying to piss into a clean diaper, me of trying to trick her into
using the dirty one.  I was a little tired of washing piss off my hands,
but there wasn't a whole lot I could do about it.  Not and stay
relatively sanitary.
     I turned around when I finally - FINALLY - got done, and almost
dropped Stella on the floor, because Rachel was standing right there,
smiling at me. "Hi," she said innocently, like she hadn't almost killed
me.
     "Gggg!" Stella said in amazement before she started to cry in
shock.

***
14:11 28 May

     "I just didn't expect to see you here," Rachel explained as she
held the door open for me.
     "I didn't expect you either.  Hey guys," I mentioned to the two-
     Pause.
     "Ricky had to go," Gary explained as he twisted around and pointed
at the men's room.
     "Can I go too?" Davy asked.
     I bowed to the inevitable.

***
14:13 28 May

     I explained, "Just, you know, we were all bored, so we decided to
hit the mall. You know."  Rachel nodded like she knew.
     "We're not gonna go clothes shopping, are we?" Gary asked, like
that's what he had been afraid of all this time.
        I sympathized with him, and was going to say no, but Rachel
said, "You know, that stuff is pretty wet, and it's pretty cold in
here," as if I hadn't noticed that myself yet - oh, and thanks for
pointing it out, too - "Maybe you ought to get another-"
     "Noooooo!" Gary howled just like a trapped animal.

***
14:17 28 May

     "Oh, come ON, guys!  I HATE being like this.  Look, I'm shivering."
I was, too.
     "But, but-" Gary protested.
     Ricky hit the panic-stricken Gary, and told him, "Don't be a dork,
come on, you know Mom'd find some icky babysitter if she gets a cold or
something."  I sort of guessed that an 'icky babysitter' would be worse
than me.  Which was a compliment.  Of sorts.
     "Yeah!" Davy chimed in.
     "Yeah.  And Ricky, don't leave bruises or I'll get in trouble," I
mentioned.  All three of them started to pound on each other, doing
threshold testing.
     Rachel looked at me.  I shrugged.  "It keeps them out of trouble,
and they know what'll happen to 'em if they get in a real fight."
     "What?"
     I mimed holding a child up over my head, then throwing it over the
railing.  "They get separated."

***
14:20 28 May

     One Lisa Simpson T shirt that the guys thought was cool, one pair
of Levi clones that Rachel picked out as a close match to the T shirt
and everything else in my wardrobe, and a towel.  Forty bucks, down the
toilet.
     "So how did you stay dry?" I asked Rachel as I toweled my hair.
     She took one hand off the stroller and patted her backpack.
"Umbrella.  I always carry one in my car."
     "Oh."  Maybe...  Of course, now I had no money.

***
14:24 28 May

     "So anyway, it's working out okay so far," Rachel explained
optimistically as we watched the boys run around in the toy section.
"Dave's pretty cool, and Terri's not there a lot, because she's working
two jobs.  She says she wants a new car by next year, so she's saving up
for it like crazy."
     "Oh!  Did I mention Debbie did get that other car and I got hers?"
     "No!  That's great, really great," she bobbed her head.  "I was
hoping you guys didn't have to come on the bus in this weather."

***
14:29 28 May

     "Okay, but don't spend it all in one..."  I sighed, and stopped
talking, because the three of them had already run into the arcade, and
they couldn't hear me.
     I sat down on the bench outside, and Rachel smiled at me, then
pointed at the sleeping Stella in the stroller.  Thou shalt let sleeping
babies lie, I had thought, and taking her into an arcade going full
blast was guaranteed to keep her "overly stimulated," which meant
screaming at the top of her lungs.
     Besides, what if one of the kids talked me into playing against one
of them, and they BEAT me?  I'd never live it down.
     "They really seem...."  Rachel shrugged, unable to find words to
describe three seven year old boys.
     "Normal?  Active?  Healthy?  Enthusiastic?"
     "In spades," she agreed.  "Are they always like that?"
     "Oh, they slow down for a while after lunch.  Which I seem to be
cooking.  At least Miz Parker stocked the freezer and stuff.  I'm just
saving that sort of thing for when I am too fried.  You know."
     "Yeah, we're doing that at the house, trying to cook and stuff."
She made a face at me.  "It's my turn tonight, too."
     "Whatcha-"  There was a strange buzzing coming from my purse, I
noticed.  I debated throwing the thing into one of the ponds before it
exploded, but remembered about the pager before I actually did anything.
     "Oh, when did you get a pager?" Rachel asked as I pulled it out.
     "Um, when, I mean, Monday.  Debbie had to renew hers, and she got a
cellphone, so she said she'd set up a pager for me too.  Speaking of..."
     The pager said ITS DEB HIHIHI I JUST WANTED TO SAY #YOU KNOW#, I
smiled at that, AND THAT I GOT RESERVATIONS AND TICKETS FOR NEXT WEEKEND
CALL ME LATER? XOXOX
     "That's sweet," Rachel said when I showed it to her.  "Where are
you two going?  I mean, it is you two, right?"

***
14:38 28 May

     "That is so weird," Rachel commented as she nibbled on a hangnail.
     I shrugged.  "I know, but you just would not BELIEVE what kind of
money we could make.  What kind of money we made.  I mean... Debbie made
a couple hundred dollars that night alone, and I didn't have anything
with me but everyone said they were interested.  So I figured, you know,
if I could get all the stuff from my dad, which he has, and if like half
of the ones that said they were interested actually paid for this..."
The thought was almost overwhelming.

***
14:52 28 May

     Rachel and I were discussing what should be worn in California at a
convention in June, when the boys came rushing out of the arcade, almost
running over some kid with a skateboard.  "Valerie, can we-"
     "Shhhh!" I insisted.  "Stella's taking a nap, I hope."  I glanced
fearfully in the stroller, but she was still sound asleep.  Or faking it
really well, which for me turned out about the same.  "What's up?"
     Gary stage whispered, "Can we have some more quarters?"
     "Already?"  I checked my watch reflexively.  "It's only been twenty
minutes!"
     "But we already used everything!" Ricky complained, too loud for
Davy because Davy smacked him in the head while shushing him.
     "Hit each other quieter," I insisted as Ricky wheeled to return the
favor.  "Um..." I sighed.  "Sure."  I dug in my purse for some more
dollars, and came up with another two each.  This job was going to lose
me money, I just knew it.  On the other hand, they weren't whining at
me.  Or waking Stella - I checked the stroller again, but no change.

***
15:10 28 May

     When the boys came back out of the arcade, I sighed, and stood up.
"No more, I have no more money," I announced.
     "Awww-"
     "Hey, we could check out the toy store," one said.  I didn't know
which one, because they all took off.
     "Shit," I commented before I remembered that I was a babysitter,
before I remembered that 'my babies' were fast disappearing in a cloud
of dust.
     I took a few steps away from the stroller, crossed one set of
fingers, and pulled the whistle out.  PHREEEEEEEEEEEE-
     That got their attention.  They even stopped.  I waved them back.

***
15:12 28 May

     At a more leisurely pace, we all trooped down the mall towards
whichever toy store it was.
     "That's a good idea," Rachel mentioned.
     "What, the whistle?  I think that was Debbie's.  Or maybe I picked
it up in the class, or something."  Stella was finally calming down
again.  "I just wish I could get something that wouldn't wake up
Stella."
     Rachel bobbed her head in understanding.

***
15:16 28 May

     Somehow the idea of most of the toys was a bit... silly.  At least
to me.  So I just kind of kept the boys in a clump, herding them with
the stroller when necessary, snapping out commands like a drill sergeant
when necessary.  It hadn't yet been necessary to chase one down and beat
him, though there were a couple of close calls.
     "Hey, look at this," Rachel called from another aisle.  She shortly
appeared holding a... thing.
     "What is it?"
     "It's an over the shoulder baby holder!" and she held it up.  It
was remarkably floral.
     "A what?"
     "An over the shoulder baby holder!" she repeated, and flourished
the tag at me.  That's what it said, Over The Shoulder Baby Holder.  I'd
thought she was kidding.  "It's like a baby pack, so you can carry one
around all the time close to you."
     "Why would I want to do that?  I have to stick to her like glue
anyway-"
     She rolled her eyes at me.  "It makes it easier, and besides, a lot
of cultures find that keeping the baby close to the mother all the time
makes them easier to handle.  They're always close by, and they don't
need soothing as much, since they are always in contact.  They can nap
or whatever, and you don't have to hold them all the time."
     "So-"
     "SOoo, she'd be quieter and you wouldn't have to watch her as
close."
     Pause.  I heard a thump, and turned to yell at the source of the
noise.

***
15:18 28 May

     "Forty five bucks is a little much, Rachel."
     "Trust me!" she said earnestly.  "Look, if you promise to use it,
I'll loan you the money, and you can either keep it and pay me back, or
return it."
     "You're serious?"
     She nodded frantically.  "Completely.  It's not good for babies to
be cooped up all the time in strollers or baby seats or stuff."
     "Huh."
     "Valerieeeeee!" one of the boys whimpered from behind me.
     "I don't have any money!" I repeated as I turned around, and there
was a deep groan, sort of a wail, like a heart breaking right there in
front of me.

***
15:20 28 May

     "I think the denim or whatever it is."
     "Chambray," Rachel commented absently as she pulled one off the
rack.
     "Or black."
     "Too hot.  Get this one," she said, holding the one that looked
like denim, except it was chambray, whatever that was.
     "I thought black went with everything?"
     She rolled her eyes at me.  "But, feel how soft this one is!"
     "They're all soft, come on..."

***
15:32 28 May

     Somehow, the kids had talked Rachel into loaning them a little
money each for some Legos.  Don't ask me how.  I was still staring at
Stella, and her at me, as we tested out the new baby carrier.
     Rachel showed her driver's license to the clerk, and that was
pretty much it.  Now I owed Rachel another forty something bucks.  This
was turning out to be an expensive day.

***
15:40 28 May

     "Well at least the rain stopped," Rachel noted as I glanced out the
door.  It almost looked as if the sun was shining.
     "Can we go swimming?" Davy asked.
     "I'm hungry," Ricky mentioned.  Stella must've heard hungry,
because she started to moan in that particular way too.
     I sighed.

***
15:59 28 May

     "See you later," Rachel said as she waved.  I waved back, then
considered how to get four kids through a parking lot and safely trapped
in my car.
     My car.  Mine mine mine mine mine...

***
16:26 28 May

     "Hello?" said Miz Parker.
     "Um, hi, it's Valerie, we're all back home and everything."
     "Oh, good.  Did you get wet?"
     "Um, sort of."  My clothes were hanging up in the washroom.  "But I
had a spare outfit."  After I bought it.  Maybe Debbie had the right
idea about bringing a spare with me.
     "Oh, that reminds me, could you do me a big favor?"  I braced
myself.  "There's some laundry-"
     "Is that all?" I asked before I could stop myself.
     She laughed.  "If you wouldn't mind?"
     "No, sure, that's no problem.  Um, I don't have to use sunblock on
the kids after four, do I?"
     "Um, I don't think so... hold on."  There was a click, and obscene
Muzak started to play in my ear.  Oh gross.
     "Hey guys," I said to the boys clustered around me.  "Miz Parker
said you don't need it, so-"
     They shrieked and dashed outside.  I saw three splashes, so I guess
they all made it into the water.

***
16:28 28 May

     She finally came back, as I was watching Stella crawl around on
the floor.  Stella needed her exercise, I figured.  "Valerie?"
     "Still here," I said.
     "Oh, good, sorry about that, I had to talk to someone for a
minute."
     "No problem.  So, laundry?"
     "Yes, there's some in the hamper in Stella's room, make sure to use
the colored bleach on it," which took me a second, "and then there's
some stuff in David and I's room that needs to be washed, and if you're
feeling brave, you can look in Ricky's bathroom."
     I didn't sigh out loud.  "Okay, sure.  It might not be done when I
get home," I warned.
     "Oh, if you can just get it started, that would be such a big
help..."

***
16:38 28 May

     I glanced outside as I was taking the second hamper into the
laundry room.  Three heads in the pool.  Good.
     Stella said, "Bbbbbbbb," and stuck a teething ring into her mouth.
     "And a bbbbbbbb-back to you, too," I told her as I tumped the
hamper over the half-full washer.  She squealed, hurting my ears, and
clapped her hands.
     This carrier thing was working out, at least.  Sort of.  So far.

***
17:40 28 May

     The boys were watching The Mask, Stella was cooing happily in her
new carrier, and I was pondering what other stuff I was going to need
for my upcoming trip, when a car pulled into the driveway.  "Dad's
home," Ricky announced.

***
17:46 28 May

     "Mom's home too," I noticed.  Stella stared at me and smiled.  "Oh,
you say that now, but tomorrow morning, you'll be crying again."  She
looked puzzled.

***
17:47 28 May

     I shrugged.  "Rachel sort of insisted, so I got it."
     Miz Parker looked at the carier like she was thinking seriously
about one.  "And she said what?"
     I tried to remember what Rachel had said about carrying babies.

***
18:04 28 May

     Nobody was home at Rachel's house, so I just changed and washed off
the makeup.
     It was a little strange, with nobody around.

***
18:27 28 May

     "Hello, this is Debbie?"
     "Deb!  It's me-"
     "Oh, hi!  Whatsup?"
     "You asked me to call, so..."
     "Um."  There was a thump noise in the background.  Then a distant
female shriek.  "Are you at home?" she asked.

***
18:34 28 May

     I was scrounging dinner out of the leftovers when Susan and Debbie
came into the kitchen.  I gave Debbie a hug, and she didn't want to let
go either.
     "So how was your day?" we asked at the same time.

***
18:40 28 May

     "So anyway," Debbie said over the sound of dish washing, "I just
realized today that I hadn't talked to you or anything about next
weekend..."  She trailed off kind of funny, and when I looked up, she
was staring at something that wasn't there.
     "Deb?"  She started.  "What's up?"
     She took a deep breath, and let it out raggedly.  "I hate flying,"
she explained.  "A lot."

***
18:54 28 May

     "Anyway, so everything's confirmed, we get there Thursday night
sometime, getting two hours back, take a cab to the hotel since they
won't let me rent a car," she sounded peeved at that, "and we have
reservations for Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights.  AND," she held
up a finger, "we also have a reserved booth space, ten feet worth, and a
couple extra chairs on reserve too, since we're each going to need two."

***
19:11 28 May

     Dad had brought home a laptop, a couple of PCMCIA cards, an
external SCSI CD burner, his good scanner, a video camera and tripod,
and a movie screen.
     "What's that for?" Debbie asked, pointing at the screen, as I
booted up the laptop.
     "If you're going to be doing portraits, you're going to need a
background, and this should hold it, or them, up."
     Oh, duh.  I had totally forgotten that part.  "Oh, jeez, thanks
Dad!"  "Thanks Mister Tucker!"
     He nodded, and then said, "And now, we get to the payment portion
of the-"
     "DAD!" I protested.
     "No, no, it's okay," Debbie shushed me.  "I figured we'd have to
pay some kind of rental."
     I stared at her in shock.  First my own father betrays me, and then
she says she knew it was going to happen.

***
19:52 28 May

     I had a brilliant idea.  "You know, if I took this stuff sitting
tomorrow, I could practice setting it up, and even take a few pix of the
kids."  Debbie's neck, I had found, was very inspirational.
     Debbie made a face at that, then said, "Well, I mean, aren't you
worried about them breaking something?"
     "I think we've established that rapport thing."  She rolled her
eyes.  I tickled her under a breast, and she giggled and pushed my hand
away.
     There was a knock at my door, and Debbie pulled away and pulled her
shirt back on hurriedly.  "WHAT?" I yelled.
     "It's me, dork!" Amy yelled back.  I got up to let her in, and
Debbie leaned back on the bed casually, like we hadn't been kissing and
stuff.
     It was also Susan, I found out when I opened the door.  "Where ARE
you going?" Susan started off, like she knew it was going to be bad.
     "Yeah, where?" echoed Amy.  Except she sounded like she thought it
was going to be interesting.

***
19:55 28 May

     "Are you two getting a room together?" Amy asked, grinning.
     "Of course not!" Debbie lied.
     "You're lyin'," Amy challenged.
     Susan's mouth was open.  "W, with HIM?" she finally gasped out.
     Debbie glared at her.  "Is there something wrong with him I don't
know about?"
     "I think he got his fleas under control," Amy contributed, and
laughed herself off the bed.  I wanted to kick her, but somehow
restrained myself.

***
19:56 28 May

     "But, I mean, the same room-"
     "Susan," I said, because nobody was believing Debbie's story
anyway, "look.  There is no way in hell I am gonna do anything she
doesn't want me to do.  There's easier and cleaner ways of committing
suicide."
     "True," Debbie said.  She smiled at me, and I smiled back at her.
Her smile had teeth in it.
     Susan looked back and forth between the two of us, like she
couldn't believe what she was hearing.
     Amy gasped, "You two?!  Are you SERIOUS?!"
     "Of course not!  ESPECIALLY if Mom and Dad ask, right?"
     Amy blinked for a second, and then drawled, "Riiiiiiiiight."  And
then she started to laugh again.

***
21:19 28 May

     I hugged Debbie for a long time.  I wanted her to stay, and I think
she wanted to stay, but that was a little impractical at this point.

***
22:04 28 May

     I stared at the ceiling, missing Debbie and feeling entirely too
alone.  I really wished Amy was in here instead of in Susan's room.

***


"Eating an orange
While making love,
Makes for bizarre enj
Oyment thereof.
Sorry, just flexing."  - Tom Lehrer



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"Tallyho!"      \   /     @>--,--'--  ehayes@nym.alias.net  + vicki .sig
Ellen Hayes --=(*)=(*)=-- Renaissance Woman    ==[--------  + virus 9.1a
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