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Tuck My Marbles And Go Home -*- Copyright 2000 by Ellen Hayes.

Any resemblance between the writings in this work, and any actual
persons or places, living or dead, are purely coincidental, except when
used for satirical purposes.

This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and
possibly sex.  If you are legally not allowed to read materials
containing such things, then you will be breaking the law by reading
this.  I am not responsible.
Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it
in any format means that you explicitly affirm that you are legally
allowed to possess and read such materials in your city, county/parish,
state, and country.

All rights reserved.  See the bottom for distribution rights.


Tuck My Marbles And Go Home


***
20:15 18 Jun

     Sabrina shook her head, and Amanda looked questioningly at her.  Then
Amanda looked at me.  "Ask Sabrina about it, I'm on a lucky run," I
lied.  Luck had little to do with it.
     "In that case, DEFINITELY not," Sabrina assured us.  "Just call us
tomorrow night?"
     "I will, I promise," I said sincerely.
     "C'mon," Sabrina said to Amanda, and they turned around and left.
     As I was shutting the door, I faintly heard Amanda ask, "What about
poker?"

***
22:36 18 Jun

     I felt rather pleased with myself; I hadn't lost more than fifty
cents, which was amazing considering that I was playing against both Mom
and Dad.  And I hadn't been suckered into anything 'extra' either, this
time, except fixing dinner Sunday night.
     Amy had lost big time, though, making the mistake of getting
head-to-head with Dad on one hand.  He'd bluffed his way through the
hand and finally outbid Amy after she'd spent half her money trying to
scare him.  She was still grumbling about it as I crawled into bed.

***
06:00 19 Jun

     I sighed as Amy slapped the alarm into silence.  *Maybe,* I
thought, *I can convince her to sleep on this side, and I can be on the
alarm side...*

***
06:37 19 Jun

     "Have fun today," Amy suggested as she gave me a hug and a kiss on
the cheek.
     "Oh yeah," I smirked, and she laughed.

***
09:11 19 Jun

     "Are you sure?" I asked Ricky.
     "Yeah- you promised," he said in a warning tone.  "You promised
you'd take me, remember?"
     I debated simply denying I'd done any such thing - what was he
gonna do, tell his parents? - but finally decided that I'd made a
promise and so I had to stick with it.
     Someday I'd be smarter, and not make promises like this any more.
I hoped.

***
09:47 19 Jun

     "Because Stella is going to want a bottle in about ten minutes, and
I don't want to go through the hassle of feeding her in the mall."
     Ricky huffed and flounced down in a chair, skirts fluttering, and
glaring at one or the other or both of us.
     "Mrrrr!" Stella commented, and clapped her hands.

***
10:18 19 Jun

     Departure had been further delayed by the end result of a previous
feeding, which I would also rather deal with at home than in the mall.
But after I changed Stella, there wasn't any other good reason to wait.
Besides the fact that Ricky was slowly losing his mind.  Or I was.

***
10:56 19 Jun

     We had gone well out of the way for both of us, because I had
thought - unlike some seven-year olds I could name - that it would be a
Bad Idea for someone from his school to run into him, so the further
away from both of our homes, the better it would be.  We'd made it
almost all the way across town.
     "Now, stay with me this time," I instructed him as I loaded Stella
into the baby sling.  It was just as easy to carry her in the sling as
it was with the stroller, and Stella liked it better.  And I didn't have
to worry if the jolting ride was giving her a concussion, either.
     He glared at me, and asked, "Do I have to wear the hat?"
     "It makes your hair look better," I explained again, "and then with
the matching dresses and hats we look like we belong together."  And in
case the wretch disappeared, I'd have an easy way to describe what he
was wearing.  I didn't tell him that part, or he'd change his clothes
after he disappeared.  Instead, I said, "That's cute, and girls your age
go for cute like sharks go for blood."
     "That is so gross," he decided firmly.  "The girl thing, I mean.
Sharks are cool."
     "I think it is too, but that's the way it is."
     "Did you do stuff like this?" he asked, flipping the skirt at me
and tugging mine.  "With your mom or someone?"
     "," I said before I clamped down on the mouth nerves.  "Yes, but I
feel stupid about it now," I lied.  "And don't mention things like
sharks in there.  Girls don't start thinking stuff like that is cool
until they get to high school."  Or unless they were named Amy, who due
to a class project in third grade could still tell the difference
between a lemon shark and a nurse shark from a picture.
     "Why then?"
     "Because, about that time, you start realizing how nice it would be
to be an unstoppable death machine."
     "That is so COOL!"
     "Ahhht," I warned him.  "Knock it off.  You're supposed to be cute
today."  He glared at me, for reasons entirely understandable; 'cute'
was a vile epithet at seven, for boys.  "May I remind you whose idea
this was?  Do you want to get caught?"
     He grumbled, but finally said out loud, "Cute."
     "Riiiiight."  I got out of the car to load the stroller with the
bulky stuff that had to come with us.  I could have carried it in the
diaper bag, I guess, but I already had a purse and a baby in a sling,
and the stroller would work well enough as a cart.

***
11:01 19 Jun

     Ricky stopped inside the mall entrance, so I did too.  He looked
around for a moment, and I caught panic starting to build on his face,
and probably the rest of him too.  "R-"  Whoops.  "It's okay, calm
down," I told him.  "We can go home when you want to."
     He sighed, and looked down, the hat obscuring his face, and finally
shook his head as he raised it.
     "Wanna hold my hand?" I asked.  He gave me a scathing look, and I
explained, "It's okay for girls your age, if you want to."  It would
make it hard to push the stroller, but I thought I could manage.
     He thought about it, then shook his head again.
     "Then, let's go.  What did you want to look at?"
     "I dunno yet."
     Well, he had that part covered.  I tried not to sigh.

***
11:19 19 Jun

     "Would you ladies like to have a picture taken?" asked a person
standing outside Glamour Shots.
     I looked at Ricky, who looked really really confused.  "We'll think
about it," I said firmly, and kept walking.  The clatter of shoes on the
floor told me Ricky was coming along.

***
11:22 19 Jun

     "I dunno, I mean, I kind of want to, but I dunno," he said, and
sighed.
     I sighed too.  Stella added, "Rmmb gada," which made no sense so I
ignored it.
     "Why do you want a picture?" I asked.
     He shrugged, and was quiet for a few moments, until he said, "I
guess I want to see what I look like.  Pictures sometimes do better than
mirrors, you know?"
     I hadn't noticed that, especially.

***
11:24 19 Jun

     "But you wouldn't let anyone see them?" Ricky pressed.
     "Never," I told him.
     "But what if your mom goes in your room or something?"
     I had to laugh.  Then Ricky got huffy and I had to come up with a
reason I was laughing.

***
11:26 19 Jun

     We were about halfway back to Glamour Shots when I realized
something.  I wanted a camera of my own, and now I had the money for it,
and that would work better than some studio for taking pictures of
Ricky.  "Hold up," I demanded, and he stopped.  "I had a better idea."

***
11:30 19 Jun

     They had a camera store in here, which was one of the benefits of
going to a mallplex.  At least the map said so, which itself was another
benefit of going to a mallplex.  And there was an ATM right next to the
map.  Sort of like they were eager for you to spend money there or
something.  Heh.
     "Can we get something to eat first?" Ricky whined.
     I checked my watch, having a feeling, and decided that if we wanted
to eat at all, now would be the time, before the lunch rush really
started.

***
11:47 19 Jun

     I was wrong; it had already started.  At least we had finally
gotten through the line.  "Two Coney Islands," I told the clerk.  "And
two cokes, please?"
     "Sure," he said, and got to work.
     "Hurry!" Ricky begged.

***
11:50 19 Jun

     "Why do the ladies keep smiling at me?" Ricky asked me covertly as
he parked the stroller next to the table and we sat down.
     "Um.  Because," I guessed, "they think we're cute together, in
matching outfits."  He made an unhappy face.  "Hey!  Remember what we
talked about outside?"  He smiled.  "Yeah, like that."
     Still smiling, he said, "This is really stupid."
     "I don't care, I know better than you do," I told him.  The smile
fell off his face, but I didn't care; I was tired of his kibitzing.

***
12:32 19 Jun

     Naturally, Stella wanted to eat too, and naturally after she ate,
she went.  I sighed.  This meant...
     "Psst!" I hissed, and motioned Ricky closer.  "We gotta go to the
girl's room, to change Stella, so-"
     "Do I have to?"
     I gave him one of Sabrina's looks.  "You're dressed for it.  If you
ever want to see what one looks like inside, this is the time."
     That changed his mind, I could tell.
     Before he could say anything else, I added VERY quietly, "But if
you go in, you have to remember to sit down at the toilet."
     "Why?"
     *Dear God.*  "Girls don't have a penis?" I hinted.
     "Oh," he said casually, like he hadn't thought about it before.
     No money was worth this.  Unfortunately, I hadn't realized that
before I was trapped at a mall with a wet baby and a child who would get
me lynched if he opened his fat mouth at the wrong time.

***
12:37 19 Jun

     "Because eating messes up your lipstick, don't argue!" I argued,
and grabbed his chin and pulled his face up to where I could see it.
"And stay still," I ordered as I dug in my purse for lipstick.
     "You gah do yurs too," he disputed, not able to speak clearly when
I was pinning his jaw.  I'd have to remember this trick.
     "After yours, and then you can go to the toilet while I do mine."
I drew carefully in the lines, and eventually had everything back in
order on his face.  He flew off to the relative safety of the stalls
when I let go, and I turned to the mirror.

***
12:43 19 Jun

     "It didn't look any different," Ricky complained as we walked
towards the camera store.
     "What didn't?"
     "The bathroom!" he said like I was the one being stupid.
     "No, it's not that much different," I agreed. "Just-"
     "How do YOU know?" he gasped in shock.
     I wanted to laugh at him.  "Um, um, my friend Mike showed me what
one looks like," I gabbled out.

***
13:51 19 Jun

     "What are you doing?" Ricky complained, interrupting my
concentration.
     "R-"  Damnit.  Avoiding names was hard.  "Shut up, I'm
concentrating."
     "On what?"
     He wasn't going to leave me alone until I explained it to him, so I
turned to him.  "We saw all those cameras, right?  I want to buy one,
but I'm not sure which one, so I have to think about which features I
want and how much they cost.  So shush.  It's hard without taking
notes."
     "Oh," he said, but he was quiet after that.  I popped my stack and
went back to concentrating.

***
14:02 19 Jun

     "Have a nice day," the sales guy said.  He should; I'd just dropped
almost two hundred dollars on an autofocusing semi-autoflash SLR that
didn't even have interchangeable lenses.  Film was a natural extra that
shouldn't have cost that much either.  At least I had a return-within-
fifteen-days guarantee on it.

***
14:09 19 Jun

     That had been a fast twelve shots.  And it had a timer on the
shutter, so I could get all three of us in the picture without having to
ask someone to help.

***
14:13 19 Jun

     "It'll be ready in an hour," he claimed, smiling at me.  I smiled
back, hoping he wasn't lying.
     "Can we go?" Ricky whined.
     "We'll be here," I told the guy, and allowed Ricky to pull me out
of the store.

***
14:26 19 Jun

     "Can I look at Legos?" he asked me in a whisper.
     "Why not?" I asked before he kicked me in the shin and I remembered
that he might be having issues of conformity or something.  "Ow, don't
do that.  Yeah, it's okay, but," someone came around the corner, with
several smaller someones in tow.  "We can look at the dolls after you
pick something out for your brother's birthday, he said he wanted
Legos," I finished.
     I felt proud of myself until I realized that Ricky had become
paralyzed while I was talking.  I hunkered down and shook his shoulder a
little, grabbing it hard.  That unlocked him enough to where he looked
at me.  "Relax," I told him, staring into his eyes and hoping to
mesmerize him.
     "Fuh," he breathed.
     "Chill.  Out."
     "But-"
     "We can go anytime," I reminded him, "but are you gonna let a few
girls panic you?  That's not the kid I know," I lied.
     He took a deep breath, and blew it out and relaxed, and nodded at
me.
     *Good lie!* I thought, and smiled at the thought, and he smiled
back at me.

***
15:19 19 Jun

     "This is really, really, really weird," Ricky said as he tried to
keep his ice cream cone from dripping on his hand.
     "Yeah, you could say that," I sort of agreed.  It was a lot weirder
than that, but I didn't want to explain why.
     We ate ice cream and Stella made happy post-feeding noises.
     "Maybe I could try on a dress or something?" he suggested.
     "Sweetie," I said gently, "I don't have that much money.  And you
already owe me a lot..."  For which he was going to pay me for a long,
long time already-
     "I know!" he admitted guiltily.  "I just, I mean, sometimes Mom
tries stuff on and doesn't buy anything," he explained.
     I agreed, "As long as you realize that, then you can try something
on-"  My watch alarm started beeping, and I looked at it for a while
before I remembered why I'd set it.  "Come on, the pictures should be
ready."

***
15:25 19 Jun

     I took the packet of pictures from the guy, who was smiling at me
like he'd done me a favor or something.  I ignored him and pulled them
out for us to look at them, squatting down to Ricky's level.
     "Wow!" he said as I handed the first one to him.  They did look
pretty good, considering.  I hadn't expected the autofocus to be quite
so accurate.  It wasn't like they were artistic or anything, but for
'just-take-a' pictures, they were good enough that I decided to keep the
camera.

***
15:29 19 Jun

     "I didn't think I looked that good," Ricky said as we walked
around, trying to find a place that had small-sized clothing.  Most of
it was for adults.
     "I told you... and the hat really helps," I couldn't resist adding.

***
15:31 19 Jun

     As we were passing by a music store, I was startled to hear someone
yell out, "Hey VALERIE!"
     *Damn,* I thought as I cradled Stella and turned around to see who
it was, because who it was would determine what I had to do next-
     "Hey," Jack said as he slowed down from a run to a walk and stopped
waving. "I called you all this week to see if you got home okay... you
were really fhm," he stopped himself as he saw Ricky.  "Uh, messed up
when you left the hotel," he finished.
     "Um-"
     "Valerie?" he asked, coming to a stop in front of me.  "ARE you
alright?"
     "What are you doing here?" I asked instead of answering.
     He looked at me for a long moment, then turned and pointed to a
store.  "Mike got enough money for a Fender Strat," he said, and for a
moment I panicked, thinking it was my bloodbrother Mike, until I
remembered that there was a Mike in the band too.
     He turned back to me and asserted, "I think I need to talk to you,"
before he turned back and whistled loudly.  He beckoned to someone I
couldn't see, and after a few seconds Johnny came out.  He'd gotten a
haircut since I last saw him.
     As he saw us, he waved casually and walked over.  "'Sup?"
     "Watch the kid for a few minutes, would ya," Jack didn't ask.  He
also didn't ask before he took my arm and led me over to a inconvenient
nearby planter which offered a little privacy; that's what made it
inconvenient.
     Ricky looked like he was paralyzed again.
     "Wait, I-"
     "Valerie," he said sternly, making me look at him.  "You were
seriously messed up when I saw you last, and I haven't heard from you
since then.  What the hell happened to you?"
     I looked back at Ricky, and Johnny, who was tallllll, was crouched
down, balancing on the stroller handle, and talking to Ricky calmly and
smiling at him.  Ricky didn't look reassured.  I guess the shaved head
and the multi-pierced ears, eyebrows, nose, and tongue had him kind of
worried.
     "He's got a niece about her age," Jack said.  "He'll watch her as
well as you can."
     I turned back to him, aghast.  "Jack, listen, I-"
     "Valerie," he intoned, drawing it out in the sort of voice parents
usually reserve for your full legal name, when you are in the deepest
shit imaginable.  "She's okay.  You, last I saw you, were having a
nervous breakdown.  WHAT HAPPENED?" he growled.
     I sighed.  Even I could tell that the only way to get out of this
one was to talk to him.  I kept an eye on Johnny and Ricky as I started
to explain what I'd pieced together.

***
15:48 19 Jun

     "So it's, it's okay now," I finished, halfway convinced.
     Jack was shaking his head.  "Man, I worried about you ever since
that night... why didn't you call me back?"
     "I've been busy!" I complained.  "And I'm hardly ever in my room
before ten lately."
     "Why didn't you check that voicemail of yours, at least?"
     "I have been BUSY!" I repeated, getting a little peeved.  "Aren't
you listening to me?"
     He sighed, and gave me a kind of sour look.  "Val, when you just
disappeared like that... I worried about you."
     "You said that already," I pointed out.
     "I WAS worried," he asserted.  "I asked Johnny to ask Amanda about
you, but he said she only said you were 'sorta okay', which I don't find
reassuring."
     "I believe you!  And I'm sorry, okay?  But I was kind of messed up
the first week, and then I've been really busy since then.  I haven't
even had time to play my synth lately," I complained.  If I told him
about staying up for hours doing it when I couldn't sleep, he'd just
start all over again.
     He sighed again, and looked down for a minute, so I looked again at
Ricky and Johnny.  No screaming, and Johnny was still smiling; that was
good.
     "I'm just glad you're okay," Jack told me.
     "Me too," I admitted, and he patted my shoulder.  Then he changed
his mind and pulled me into a hug.  After a moment, I relaxed and hugged
him back.

***
15:50 19 Jun

     "Can we go home now?!" Ricky gargled urgently as he clung to my
skirt with both hands.
     I patted his shoulder.  "Just a minute...  Jack?" I called, and he
turned back.  "Thanks.  For caring, I mean."
     He grinned and both of them walked back over.  Almost underneath
me, Ricky moaned, "Oh, no!" very softly.
     "Shhh," I cautioned him before Johnny asked me, "So, you gonna come
to the show Friday?"
     "Friday?" I repeated.  *I have to go out with Amy- but she didn't
say where, did she?  Ho ho ho...*  "Where are you guys playing?"
     "Valerieeee!" Ricky whined, but I ignored him.

***
15:53 19 Jun

     I couldn't tell the difference between a Fender and any of the
other guitars, but they assured me there was one.  I could tell that the
one Big Mike was holding was out of tune, though, and that stopped them.
     "Can't you hear it?" I asked.  "You're the ones that were talking
about richness of tone and all that."
     "Which string?" Jack asked.
     "The, uh..."  I had no idea what they were called, or actually
which of the six was the guilty one.  "Can you play a 'C' on all of
them?  One at a time?"  Mike did so, and it was the fourth one down,
which is what I told them.  Then they all looked at each other.  "What?"
     "Nothing," Jack lied as he patted me on the shoulder.
     "Valerie!" Ricky whined, "You said we could go home when I wanted!"
     I seethed.  *He's made me wander around this stupid place all day
and NOW he wants to go home?*
     "See ya Friday night?" Johnny asked, and I nodded.  They waved bye,
and I was dismissed.

***
16:01 19 Jun

     "I am NEVER doing this AGAIN!" Ricky shrieked as he flung the hat
off his head and into the back seat.
     "Amen!" I mumbled under my breath.  I was still pissed about being
dismissed like that.
     "He was asking me about DOLLS!  I don't know anything about stupid
dolls!"
     "You didn't tell him that, did you?" I worried.
     "No," he said sullenly.
     "Ricky, don't get all p- mad," I corrected myself.  "Seven year
olds do occasionally play with dolls still, and it's something adults
ask little girls."
     "It's STUPID," he asserted.
     "Well, you should have thought of that when you wanted to go to a
mall wearing a dress!" I shot back, a little peeved.
     "I didn't know you were going to have friends there!" he accused
me.
     "Neither did I... and if I was going to have friends there, then we
wouldn't have been there for..."  I checked my watch.  *Jeez!*  "Five
hours!?"
     "How long?" Ricky asked in loud amazement as I sprinted around the
car and jumped in.
     "Too long!" I answered him as I cranked the engine.

***
17:04 19 Jun

     "NOW!" I shrieked at him, and I guess something in my face told
Ricky I was serious, because he didn't even argue, he just dashed for
the stairs.  Which was good, because if Miz Parker came home even a bit
early, she was going to kill both of us.  Or me, but I'd take Ricky with
me.

***
17:21 19 Jun

     "Safe, amen," I muttered under my breath as Ricky came out of his
room wearing jeans and a T shirt, with no makeup.  I'd already collected
every single article of clothing from the pile in the bathroom and
buried them in my car.

***
17:40 19 Jun

     "And how was your day, Ricky?" Miz Parker asked him.
     He glared at me for a long time which made me nervous like I really
didn't need after today, and finally mumbled, "Okay."

***
17:44 19 Jun

     "Oh, Valerie?" Miz Parker called as I was about to make my escape
to relative sanity.  I sighed and turned around.  "I just wanted to
remind you, Gary and Davy are going to be back Monday."
     "Oh, right," I tried not to sigh, and put a smile on.  "Okay."
     "Try not to get so enthusiastic about it," she smiled at me.  I
think hers was real.

***
18:37 19 Jun

     As I got out of the car, I thought I heard AC/DC playing really
loud somewhere.  "Uh oh," I said, and hurried up to the house.  Loud old
rock was a bad sign....  It was coming from Dad's office, so I rushed
inside.  "Dad?!"
     "Tucker!" he yelled over the music as I shut the door.  "Cracker's
trying to take down the system, I need you!"
     "On the way!" I screamed over my shoulder as I made the 180 at the
stairs and pounded up them.

***
20:54 19 Jun

     Whilst Dad fenced with the cracker, patched holes, baited traps,
and generally did sysadminly things, I had been hunting, and trading.
The hunting part involved breaking into the University of Michigan's big
iron and chasing the weefle-shit down through the minor maze of connects
he'd used to 'obscure' his trail.  He obviously thought that using a
dialup connection at the end of things would protect his lily ass.  Once
I got enough of a profile of his system to know that he wasn't passing
through another sucker's computer, I had him.  After a frenzied session
of warez trading, which had cost me a lot relatively speaking, I'd
gotten the passwords I needed.  That was the trading part.  I'd done my
own mazing and ended up at Umich's phone company, routing back through
Norway and England.  No uk there, yuk yuk.
     "Ready," I told Dad over the intercom.
     "Wait one..." he mumbled, and I waited.  Scorpions pounded through
the floor from Dad's office.  "Okay, clip 'em!"
     One by one, I disconnected the phone lines going into the Umich.
Forty-seven was the lucky one, as I saw his trace disappear at the same
time Dad crowed about it.
     And that, as they say, was that.  I was inclined to permanently
disconnect his phone and send him a big-assed bill for the privilege,
but Dad said he'd rather drop the FBI on the weefle's ass.  I hoped the
FBI would appreciate the the anti-deletion stuff I'd added.  Purely to
preserve the evidence, of course.

***
21:11 19 Jun

     I was rubbing my fingers, because this was the most and fastest
typing I'd done in a long time.  The cold glass of milk also helped.  I
had suggested a beer, and Dad might have agreed except that Mom was
already pushed to her limits by the loud rock.  I could understand that;
some of the stuff he played was so old the CD's had whiskers.  Not that
Mom was any more modern.
     "I thought you guys hated the FBI," Susan directed at Dad as I
sipped some more.  "And what about all that 'Hacker Ethic' stuff?" she
challenged.
     "He broke it first!" I snapped at Susan.
     "Wait," Dad commanded as Susan started to unleash her futile and
pathetic philosophical arguments on me.  "If all he'd been doing is
looking around, or something like that, we would have left him alone. He
was trying to kill the entire system."  Dad had a tendency to take this
sort of thing personally.  Then again, Freehold was sort of like his
fourth baby, and my littlest brother.  "He was out to destroy, and he
had some idea of what he was doing.  And that's all he was doing, trying
to destroy things."
     "What was he doing?" Amy asked.
     "He went for the hardware at first," Dad grumbled, "trying to make
it unusable."  Driver files, he didn't say, because it was pointless to
try and educate Susan in reality.
     "Too bad you don't go for standard stuff," I grinned, and Dad
grinned back.  Dad's version of Unix was only standard if you stayed at
normal user levels, which had caused me problems when I was trying to
learn how the rest of the world worked.
     "That," he explained to the other two, "required him to nose around
like a very large and noisy pig, and that's when Darren," the sysgod
officially on evening duty at Freehold, "noticed him.  One quick phone
call later, and I was on him while Darren took care of a running copy
and backup under his nose, so we wouldn't lose anything else."
     "Why did Darren notice?" Amy asked.
     Dad sighed happily.  "That's why we pay him, is to stay there and
watch the console, just for things like this."

***
21:31 19 Jun

     I was about to crawl into bed, the adrenaline rush having lost out
to the milk and the end of the problem(s), when I remembered I had to
call Sabrina back like I'd promised.  I groaned, and got back up.

***
21:33 19 Jun

     "Hello?"
     "Sabrina?  It's Val, whatsup?"
     "Oh hey... how are you?"
     "I'm okay, I just had a hard day."  Oh Lord and Lady, save me from
another day like today.  "How're you doing?"
     "Pretty good, I guess," she admitted.  "What happened to you
today?"

***
22:19 19 Jun

     "So, what time-"  Amy was tapping me on the shoulder.  "Hold on a
minute."  I pulled the earphones off and asked Amy, "What?"
     "You promised WE would go out Friday night!" she said indignantly.
     "This is for Saturday!  And I have something planned for Friday,
for us."
     "Saturday?" Amy asked.
     "Oh lord," I said, realizing what I'd done.  I slipped the 'phones
back on, not needing to hear what Amy was saying.  "Sabrina, my cousin
Amy wants to come with us on Saturday night, is that okay?"
     "Is she cool?" Sabrina asked.
     "Cooler than me," I said diplomatically.
     "Sure, why not- wait, is she okay with the, uh, with Valerie
around?"
     "Um, yeah.  That's a long story..."
     "I'm not doing anything," Sabrina said warmly.  "Dish, girl!"
     I glared at Amy, who was settling into MY bed with a book, and
smiling at me.  *This is all her fault,* I realized.

***
06:00 20 Jun

     Amy slapped the alarm and went back to sleep.
     *We are definitely going to have to talk about this sleeping
together thing,* I resolved.

***
06:09 20 Jun

     Amy slapped the alarm and went back to sleep.
     *We are definitely going to have to talk about this sleeping
together thing,* I resolved.

***
06:19 20 Jun

     As I resolved to talk to Amy, I realized that it was almost twenty
after six.  "Argh!" I said, and started to climb over Amy.

***
06:41 20 Jun

     She hadn't even gotten up by the time I was ready to leave.  Mom
had, though, so I gave her a hug and kissed her on the cheek before
leaving at high speed.
     I unlocked the door to my car and threw my pack in the passenger
seat, glad that I had packed everything the night before.

***
07:32 20 Jun

     "You look wide awake today," Miz Parker mentioned.
     "I hit the snooze bar too many times this morning," I lied, because
explaining Amy's presence in my bed would take much much longer than I
wanted to explain something like this to someone not in my family.  "So
I had a nice rousing panic to get me going, when I finally got up."
     She chuckled.  "You and Ricky both."
     "Huh?"
     She shook her head.  "He had a nightmare this morning, but he
didn't want to talk about it."
     Oh, great.  I thought I could guess what it was about, too.

***
08:05 20 Jun

     His parents had finally gone, and I'd gotten him to sit in the
kitchen while I fixed breakfast.  "Ricky?"  He reluctantly looked at me.
"Your mom said you had nightmares last night, but you didn't want to
tell her about them.  Do you want to talk to me?"
     To my utter astonishment, he burst into tears.
     I made sure everything on the counter was secure and trotted over
to him and pulled him into a hug.  I guess he needed it, because he was
really holding on hard.  "Ricky, I'm so sorry," I said softly into his
ear.  "I didn't know it would scare you so bad..."  He just nodded
against my shoulder.

***
08:11 20 Jun

     "And, and then, and then I was in school, at my desk, and I was
scared everyone would see me!  And and and and then they DID!" he
wailed.  "And they all started laughing except Missus Werziski," or
that's what it sounded like anyway, "and, and SHE she made me stand up
but I din't wantoo but she made me anyway, and an' an'..."
     I cuddled him as he hiccuped.

***
08:18 20 Jun

     "You don't have to tell anyone about it.  And I promised I
wouldn't, remember?"  He nodded, eventually.  "So just don't tell
anyone, and nothing will happen to you.  And nobody will make fun of you
and nobody will make you be a girl, or anything like that.  I'll stop
'em if they do," I told him.
     He looked at me.  "You would?"
     "If you didn't want to, I wouldn't let anyone do that.  The only
reason I let YOU do it is because it WAS you," I told him.  "Just like I
wouldn't let someone hurt you."
     "Really?"
     "Really."
     He hugged me so tight it hurt.  I grimaced but kept my mouth shut.

***
08:40 20 Jun

     "I'm sorry I was such a baby," Ricky apologized out of nowhere.
     "What?  Ricky, you weren't a baby for being scared, or crying.  You
had a horrible nightmare, you got scared.  People cry when that happens.
I've seen my dad do it sometimes," I told him truthfully.
     "YOUR dad?" he said skeptically.
     I nodded.  "He fought in the Vietnam war, and... sometimes, he has
nightmares about it, that scare him real bad."  Now I knew some of the
stories behind the nightmares, I could understand why every once in a
while he'd turn into a complete basket case.  Finding a friend of yours
that had been skinned like a cow would do that to a person.  Just
hearing about it had given me bad dreams for a day or two.

***
09:17 20 Jun

     "So whatcha want to do today?" I asked him as I turned off the
water in the sink.
     He shrugged.  "Maybe we could go swimming early?"
     I sighed in relief.  "Sure, that'd be great!"  Anything that
involved Ricky being dressed normally was great this morning.

***
11:40 20 Jun

     "How about Chinese food for lunch?" I suggested.
     He squinted at me for a moment.  "You don't know how to cook
Chinese," he asserted.
     I had been planning to order takee-outee, but I wasn't going to let
a little brat like him get away with an insult like that.

***
12:27 20 Jun

     "YOU know how to eat with chopsticks?" he said incredulously.
     I shamelessly stole a line out of a kid's movie I'd bet money he
never saw.  "Of course, silly!  I'm a GIRL!"
     I supposed that I shouldn't deliberately lock up his little cortex
like that, but it was so fun watching him try and clear the error.  You
could almost hear the gears grinding in his head.

***
13:23 20 Jun

     "You do not," he said.  He was batting about zero today on the BS-
detection quotient.
     "I do too.  Watch."  And with a quick mental count, I tossed the
bean-filled bags in the air one-two-three and then I was juggling them.
     It was nice watching his little face go into amazement as I
continued to juggle all three without dropping any.  I wasn't really
that good any more; Mike was right, I needed to practice a lot more than
I had been.  On the other hand, I don't think Ricky could tell what bad
form was for juggling.

***
13:54 20 Jun

     "Left right left right-" and he dropped the fourth catch.
     "This is hard!" he complained.
     "Well, yeah, at first it's hard," I agreed.  "But if you practice a
little each day, then you can do it."
     "Is that how you did it?"
     *No, stupid, I am of a superior race, born with genetic juggling
abillity,* I didn't say.  "Yes," I did say.

***
15:06 20 Jun

     I hadn't remembered this time to bring snacks et cetera outside for
the afternoon swimming, so I had to go back in to fix them, which meant
I had to dry off for a while first.  Stella was not pleased with the
delay.

***
17:40 20 Jun

     "Valerie's teaching me how to juggle!  Watch Mom, watch!" Ricky
insisted.
     Miz Parker turned and gave me this weird grin.  "You're teaching
him how to juggle," she said slowly.
     "Well..."  I shrugged, feeling nervous.  "Yeah?"
     "MOM!  WATCH!" Ricky demanded, and we both turned to watch him.

***
18:04 20 Jun

     "Oh hi," Rachel said as I came in.  "How are you doing?"
     "Oh, okay I guess," I replied.  "I kinda gotta get going; I
promised I'd take my cousin out tonight."
     "Oh, where're you going?"
     "Um, Stepwise Pagoda said they were playing at this new club... I
ran into them into the mall, and they sort of invited me to come, and I
thought..."  I shrugged.
     "Oh, really?" she said, interested.

***
18:28 20 Jun

     "Hi Amy, whad'ja fix?" I asked before I kissed her on the cheek.
     As she giggled herself ill, Mom protested, "Eugene!"
     "Just kidding, Mom!  Jeez, relax!"  I kissed her on the cheek too,
just to be safe.

***
19:24 20 Jun

     "Aren't we going out tonight?" Amy hinted.
     "Oh-"  I had about ten different things to do, too.  And Susan had
just locked herself in the bathroom, too, judging by the slam noise and
Brian's scream of outrage.  "Um, first we gotta ask Dad to let us stay
out later.  Be convincing," I told her.
     "Duh!" she rebutted as she kicked me in the ankle.

***
20:39 20 Jun

     Amy unlocked the door and came in.  I tried to pull the shirt down
far enough to cover me.  "What?  Amy, I'm bus-"
     "Wait, I have to ask you something," she said, and shut the door.
     I was definitely going to have to change the code.  And soon.
"What is-"
     "Can, can you be Valerie tonight?"
     "I already figured on that, squirt," I smirked, and she frowned.
"What?!"
     "Nothing, nothing!" she said, her face going back to neutral.  "Um,
then, um, could you wear that dress you got last weekend?"
     "You've got it, not me," I reminded her.
     She blinked.  "Oh, right.  Duh," she said, and dashed out, leaving
the door open.

***
21:01 20 Jun

     "You look great!" Amy asserted, and I nodded.  Susan had gone to
some work, and it showed; she looked about ten times better than usual.
     "Really?" she asked Amy.
     I nudged Amy long and hard enough to knock her mouth off balance,
and I said, "Yeah, Suze, you look fantastic tonight.  Classy and just a
teeeeny bit sexy."  She frowned at me for a second.  "What?"
     She opened her mouth to say something but before she could, someone
knocked at the door, and none of us had to guess who it was.  "Argh!"
she said, and dashed into her room and got her purse before boomeranging
back out and almost running me over.

***
21:09 20 Jun

     "I can't believe she thought I was Mom!" Susan wailed.  Jenny was a
clueless twit, too stupid to be actively evil.  Now I knew why Brian
liked her.
     "Suze, it's just the dress, okay?"  I explained, "You look a lot
more mature than a little twerp like her is used to dealing with, so she
thought you had to be 'all grown up'.  And how eager are you to talk
about your sibs, huh?  She probably never even knew Brian had a sister
until you slammed the door in her face."  Susan hadn't quite managed to
hit the stupid cow with it; I wasn't sure yet if that was good or bad.
     There was a knock at the door downstairs.
     "Aaaah!" Susan said as she grabbed my arm painfully.  "You get it!"
     "Not me!" I countered.
     "I'll get it," Amy sighed.  "You still look good, Suze.  I guess
the twerp just doesn't know how to deal with a real woman."
     I tried gently prying Susan's anxious fingers from my arm, but she
wasn't having any of it.  Or noticing what I was doing, either.

***
21:28 20 Jun

     "What are you doing?" Amy protested as we pulled into a familiar
parking lot.
     "Just chill, you'll see."
     "But-"
     "Shh!  I gotta change, remember?"
     "In a parking lot?" she asked me skeptically.
     "Watch and wonder, squirt," I grinned, and she hit me in the
shoulder.
     I parked the car and, after a quick scan of the area, I started
stripping off excess clothing.  In two minutes, I was in the dress Amy
and I had gotten, with the very short sleeves and the fairly deep
neckline that was just barely high enough to cover the bra.  I'd also
been wearing some seamed stockings, which looked pretty good with the
high skirt on the dress.  There was no way to put the fake breasts in
while I was home, the way things had been going, so I'd put them in my
pack.  I slid them out and in, and put on my shoes, and I was almost
ready.  "See?"

***
21:31 20 Jun

     "We are gonna be so LATE!" Amy raged.
     "Amy, they don't even start until ten thirty, okay?  So just chill
out."  Her screaming was not conducive to me doing my eye makeup either
safely or well.

***
21:56 20 Jun

     "See?" I said as a semi-familiar van pulled up.
     "Shut up," she said.

***
22:11 20 Jun

     "I gotta remember to stop wearing dresses when I do this," I panted
to myself as I carried a big case of something inside the club.

***
22:25 20 Jun

     "Because if we help, like roadies, we get in free, duh."
     "I thought you had all that money?"
     "And I'd like to keep some of it!" I shot back.
     "You are so cheap," she sighed.
     I leaned close and lied into her ear, "If I didn't have to keep up
two wardrobes, I wouldn't be so worried!"  I had known for almost all my
life that there was no such thing as me having TOO much money.  And I
had better things to spend it on than girl's clothes.
     "Besides," I added as I leaned back a little, "this way they don't
check us for ID's either."

***
22:28 20 Jun

     "Hi!" said Rachel's voice in my ear.  I jumped in my seat; I hadn't
known she was there.  I looked, and it was her and her female roommate.
     "Hi Rachel," I said, as I got up and collected a hug from her.  I
leaned in and whispered, "I forget your other roomate's name, you'll
have to introduce her to my cousin Amy."

***
23:18 20 Jun

     They were seriously rocking tonight, and so were all of us, on the
dance floor in front of the stage.  It was great.

***
23:56 20 Jun

     As I held the bathroom door open for a hopefully closely-following
Amy, I saw something that made my heart lurch.
     "Erk!" I tried to warn her.  "Erk awk gurph!"  It wasn't working,
but pushing her back into the bathroom worked.
     "What?" she asked as I leaned against the wall and panted, trying
to restore normal heart function.
     "Ah, ah, ah, it's him!"
     "Him who?" she asked as she shook me.  "WHO?!"
     "It's TRAVIS!"
     Now she looked confused.  "Who?"
     I sighed.  "It's this guy who like has this major crush on me, and
I don't-"
     "You've got a BOYFRIEND?"
     "NO!" I shrieked, grabbing her by the arms this time.  "He, he, I-"
This wasn't going to work.  "Go look and see if he's still there!"
     "I don't even know what he looks like," she reminded me.
     Ooops.  Just because he was in my nightmares...  "Um.  He's really
tall, buff, blond hair, he's wearing a dark shirt or something like
that," I pulled the door open and pushed her out.  "Go look!"
     "What- AHHHhh!" she said, and backpedaled over me, back into the
bathroom.
     "What?  What?"
     "He saw me!" she gasped.  "I mean, it was like he knew me or
something and he SMILED at me, I mean like right AT me-"
     "Oh my God," I moaned.
     "He IS your boyf-"
     "NOOO!" I screamed, hoping volume would penetrate her romance-
addled brain.
     "I- he- you-"  She huffed and dragged me into a stall.  "You tell
me what's going on or I'm gonna go out there and tell him you're having
wet dreams about him!"
     "NOOOO!" I shrieked, this time hitting a vocal note I didn't know I
had.  It hurt my ears, and Amy winced.  "Please please please don't do
that, please Amy-"
     "Then TELL me what's got you so scared!" she demanded.

***
00:02 21 Jun

     "You WHAT?" she shrieked.
     "Amy shut UP!" I screamed back, before grabbing her.  I hissed in
her ear, "This is not something I want the world to know about!" and let
go.
     She was quiet for a few beautiful seconds, which gave me time to
pump some blood around and breathe and stuff.
     "You really... I mean, you and him..."
     "It wasn't on purpose!" I reminded her.
     "Oh, God..." she breathed.
     "That's what I said when it happened!"  She gave me a stunned look,
and then started to giggle.  "What?!"
     She took a deep breath, and then panted out, "Oh God oh God oh God
oh yes yes-"
     I hit her.

***
00:04 21 Jun

     Amy pulled the door open cautiously, then let go and shoved the
door shut.  "What?"
     She turned back to me and opened her mouth, but someone behind us
complained and we had to retreat to the sinks first before she could
tell me, "It was that really tall guy in the band, he was waving me
out!"
     "Oh, Johnny?"
     "HowdoIknowwhathisnameis?" she snapped at me and hit me once
before I could start blocking her.
     "Stop it!  Um, if he says it's okay, I guess he figured it out, or
Jack told him or something."
     "Do what?" she asked as she stopped trying to hit me.
     "Jack knows about him, I think they met once."  I frowned as I
tried to remember.  "I know I mentioned most of it to Jack.  Maybe he
saw Travis, and then told the rest of the band."
     "You think?"
     "I don't really want to stay in here all night," I pointed out.
     She sighed, and nodded, and so we both cautiously made our way to
the door again.  "You go first this time," Amy demanded.
     "Why-" I started to ask, before I realized it was useless.  So I
slowly pulled it open and looked around.  Johnny was standing at the
bar, and he saw me, and he waved me over.
     I pushed the door open further and walked out, wondering where-
     Blackness descended, in the form of big hot hands covering my face.
     A very confused three seconds later, I was in a combat crouch on
the floor, panting wildly, shoes gone I didn't know where, listening to
Amy curse the guy she'd decked, and watching Travis slowly fold to the
floor in immense agony.  Holding his crotch.
     *Oh, no, I didn't-*  Yes, I did.  *Oh no...*

***


"The night is calling
I have to go!
The wolf is hungry,
he runs this show.

He's lickin' his lips
He's ready to win
On a hunting night for
love at first sin....

Here I am
Rock you like a hurricane..." - The Scorpions


Distribution:
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+ ==[--------   Ellen Hayes   @>--,--'---      ellen@barkingduck.net +
PGP DH/DSS keyfing: 33D4 156A AE39 53E2 0313  6714 2878 56A8 61B0 9CDC
+ http://www.barkingduck.net/ehayes -=[1990]=- vicki .sig virus 11.4 +


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