What goes around.

 

 

 

 

I could see that she was angry.  The look on her face was clearly Anger with the capital A.  I could also see something else in her eyes too, that look that I had felt myself once before, not so long ago.

 

Of course, I was in bed with her best friend, and we were both naked, having just had one great round of sex.  Her friend was actually better at fucking than Betty was.  I hadn’t been surprised about that.   Shawna had ‘that’ going for her, and I suppose ‘that’ is what made her such a great lay.

 

 

Shawna is a blonde, shapely sex Goddess.  Kinda along the lines of Miss Monroe of the fifties and sixties…you know…sex…all sex.  Oozing sex.  Bursting through with sexuality and expressing it in such a…well…sexy way.  She knew what she had and she used it…often

 

I didn’t have to work too hard to get Shawna in bed either.  Matter of fact, once she realized that I was coming on to her, it took…oh…maybe ten seconds for her to go into slut mode.  Even though I was fairly certain of what to expect, I was surprised at how quickly she took the bait, considering that I was married to her best friend and all.

 

Betty stood there in the doorway of our bedroom, shocked at first.  Then I saw the red anger clouding up in her cheeks.  Then I saw a flickering of that something I knew was the pain of discovery.   I knew that I had gotten the message across at that point.  Betty turned and walked out.  I heard, rather, we heard the front door slam.

 

I had a couple of things in my mind at that moment.  First, the fact that Betty had said nothing…just stood there glaring.  The second was Shawna who, much to my surprise, started to work on me some more.  She had seen Betty standing there and just went back down on me, working me back up.  As if her being naked in bed with me was no big deal at all.

 

“Oh baby, now that I’ve had you, I need you again.  You know, you really surprised me when you started to come on to me earlier, but I am glad that you did.  I’ve wanted to fuck you ever since Betty married you.  You are one hot hunk of man.”

 

“You’re not upset that Betty knows about this?”

 

“Oh baby, she’ll come around.  If she doesn’t, so much the better, cause you’ll be a free agent, and I’d do anything to hook up with you for a while.  I can’t understand why you changed your mind like you did, but I’m sure glad you did.”

 

I was uncomfortable, even though I knew my reason for being naked in bed, sweaty having fucked a hot and wanton woman was just.

 

 

‘Just’ you ask?  Let me explain.

 

 

We have been married for a few years, and the ‘edge’ of the newness of all that had worn off.  I guess we had hit the seven-year itch you could say.  I hadn’t, until that day eight weeks ago.  Two months…just two short months ago.

 

I came home early from work, unexpectedly, and when I walked into the house I was about to shout out I was home.  Before I did I noticed the clothes leading to our bedroom door.  Mans slacks, woman’s skirt.  Mans shirt, woman’s blouse. They shouted at me to keep quiet.  So I was.

 

Looking in the bedroom door I was stunned at finding my wife, Betty, naked on top of some guy that I didn’t know…and they were fucking.  I could see that it wasn’t their first time that day, as Betty had semen running down the crack of her ass, and I think it was seeping from her little brown bud.  That same little brown bud that she had steadfastly refused to allow me to enter.

 

They were engrossed with each other and didn’t hear or see or even sense me, although I think Betty may have had a premonition since she froze for a second just as I started to turn to leave.  I stopped and held still, then she shook herself a bit and went right back to work.

 

I stood away in the hall listening to them until they finished up.  I heard them talking and from that talk I learned that this was not the first time, nor would it be the last.  From what I gathered, this had been going on for quite some time.  They made plans for their next tryst, and then I heard them laughing and playing around as they headed into the master bathroom to clean up and probably have some more sex in the process.

 

I went out to my car, after having checked the wallet in the pants of the asshole I ‘d just caught my wife with.  Name and address, and some other information, like the picture of the wife and three kids, credit card numbers, and a bit more.  I drove away, and since I had two hours to kill before I was expected home, I drove to a nearby park and thought out what I was going to do.

 

Never having been in such a situation before, at first I had wanted to go kill two people.  But then I realized that would only serve to put me in jail and never have any peace.  I wondered why of course, since I had thought that Betty loved and respected me.  She always told me she loved me every morning as I headed out to work, so I didn’t have any reason to not believe her…until now.

 

Knowing that my marriage was about to end I decided that a little revenge would serve them both right.  I also knew that I’d never be able to do much to hurt Betty, at least not quite like she had just hurt me, but even though I still loved her, I knew I’d never be able to live with her after this.  Their words burned in my mind.

 

“So did you ever expect us to be so good together Betty?”

 

“Oh no Sam.  You’re so perfect…I mean that too.  Everything about you is perfect.  I wish I had met you before.  I really do.  We could have had a great time all these years.”

 

“Yeah, well, I was married right out of high school, and then started working for the wife’s old man, so that would never have happened, but I’m like you.  I wish we’d met a long time ago.  You’re a right fine babe.”

 

“You know that I love Jim, but he doesn’t do it for me like you do.  I just hope we never get caught.  Jim would probably try to hurt you…and fail of course, but then I’d have to explain everything, and that would be a large pain in my ass.  After all, I don’t love you anyway.  I love fucking you…sucking you…having you inside me…Oh god I love that especially.  You fit me just right.”

 

Their words were indelibly etched into my heart.  How long had they been doing this?  I didn’t know, but I knew it had been too long already.  He was bigger than I was in height and build, but I think that Betty would have been shocked and more than a little surprised to find out that he would have been the one hurting. 

 

I had been in the service, and she knew that, but she didn’t know about my boxing days.  I kept that from most people since I had hurt Billy so bad that day…he was still messed up in the head from it, and I just wanted to forget all about what I had done to him in that ring.

 

I had been young and feeling tough, as had Billy.  We had an exhibition match, and during that match he had been talking to me between punches.  His banter had gotten to me and my eyes saw red at one point.  He had been teasing me about my then girlfriend, and how he’d have her that night after he got done beating me to a pulp.  It had been that friendly banter used to irritate a buddy, he’d not been serious. In the heat of the moment, I had missed that though.

 

He never stood a chance and I started to beat him senseless.  Before the ref could get in I had hit him eight times hard in the head because my first punch caused his hands to drop away.  I think he had been going down on my first hit…but I never gave him the chance.  After the fight he’d been taken to the hospital, out cold and they were unable to bring him out of it. He’d been in the coma for a week.

 

He never recovered to be quite the same man.  He quit boxing, and it was as if he had lost some part of ‘him’.  They had to re-teach him how to talk, and do the basics of living all over again.  I had taken away ‘Billy’ and left a five-year old child in a grown mans body.  I quit fighting after that, and I also put some money into his bank account time to time to help take care of him. 

 

His parent’s thought I was a hell of a nice man…I didn’t, I felt like a jerk.  Hence, I didn’t talk about that time with anyone.  I carried that around with me all this time, knowing that with my hands I was dangerous. I was far more dangerous than the average person and definitely not one to fuck with.

 

Now, I sat there in the park wanting to hurt two people…but knowing that I could never go there without screwing up my entire life.  So I came up with an alternative plan.  One that was twisted, but just as twisted as what Betty and Sam had done to me. 

 

I set out to plan what I’d do, and today was part of the culmination of my revenge.  I can’t say I’m proud of it all, but I do feel somewhat vindicated.  I wouldn’t sleep well for some time to come at any rate, but I would be sleeping a bit better…at least I thought so.

 

Shawna left about an hour after Betty ‘caught’ us together.  She managed to get me up two more times, although the last time I never came, I did get her off quite well.  Shawna kept telling me that I was pretty well hung too.  I supposed after seeing Sam, I was better hung than he was, which was part of why I didn’t understand Betty’s words about how nicely he fit her. 

 

Later that evening Betty came to the house with her sister in tow, and they gathered up her things.  I never said a word, and Betty acted like I should have been begging for forgiveness. I didn’t and I think that hurt her worse than I could have by ‘finding’ her and Sam together.

 

Her sister hung around for a bit when Betty took the last of her stuff to the pickup.

 

“Why?  Why would you do that to Betty?  How could you do that with Shawna of all people?  I don’t understand you at all anymore Jim.”

 

“Try asking Betty about Sam.  Then come back and ask me that again…that is if Betty tells you the truth about Sam.  Call it what you want, I feel quite good how things have turned out.  I hope that Betty understands what this means.”

 

“WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?”

 

“Ask Betty.  You’re her sister Susan, but you don’t know her very well.  I found out about her two months ago and I have had one hell of a time keeping control.  You just ask Betty all about Sam, then remind her that it takes two to tango, and once one starts that tango, not to expect the other partner in the marriage to not do something…something about it.”

 

“You’re saying that Betty cheated on you?  BULLSHIT.”

 

“I have it on tape, several of them as a matter of fact Sue.  I also have them in my mind from the first time I saw them.  Yes…Betty cheated on me.  She started this mess, and now I’m finishing it up.  She can have her lover, and I hope they fucking choke on each other.”

 

After they left I made the call I had been dreading.  The beans had been spilt though and I had to get in touch with Sam’s wife before he could put any spin control on what was about to become public knowledge.

 

 

After having seen them together that day I had figured out a plan of action.  Part of that plan had been to  get even and let Betty ‘catch’ me doing so. I wanted her to feel that intense pain of discovery.  How I’d felt, or at least I hoped she would feel that pain.  After all, I had felt that pain not so long back now…and it still was a raw festering wound in my heart.

 

Part had been to tape the two lovers together, which hadn’t been too hard.  They met three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays’ and Fridays, just after lunch and they always did it in our bedroom.  How long exactly I wasn’t sure, but it had been going on long enough to let me know that our whole marriage was a sham now.

 

I just set up a camcorder and a timer, and caught them all on digital.  Each time I downloaded it to my computer, I felt sick.  It took all I had to go undercover like I did, mainly because I was constantly fighting the urge to kill and maim.  Both of them.

 

I had also moved money around, investments, and other financial items had been addressed as well.  After my call to Sam’s wife with the promise of copies of what I had on film, I made another call to my bank.  I found out that Betty had just learned about the changes, and she had laid into the poor girl there like a tornado. 

 

I felt bad that innocent people had to be a part of such a bad scene, but I really didn’t have a way to insulate some parts of my plan, moving as fast as I had.  I was alone for the rest of the week, and actually didn’t mind it too much considering what had transpired.

 

Susan called me one day and made me make a date to talk to her.  I was reluctant to do so because I thought that she’d be trying to push Betty back into my life and I didn’t nor couldn’t allow that.  I loved her still, but that would go away eventually, and what Betty had done to our marriage was too much for this man to take.

 

I didn’t know how it happened, and I didn’t care either.  That Betty had done it was more than enough. My revenge had been harsh, but nothing what her sister put her through after the truth all came out. 

 

“So.  Betty turned out to be a stupid bitch.  I’m sorry Jim.”

 

“Well, I never expected to hear that from you Susan.”

 

“Hey, she had the best man in the whole world, and fucked it all up by having that tawdry affair like she did.  I hope you never take her back that’s for sure.  It would serve her right.”

 

“Then your hopes will happen, because I’ve filed.  I also gave copies of everything I had to her lovers wife, so I imagine that he’ll be suffering right now too.”

 

“Shawna?  Why her of all people anyway?  You only did it with her in order to get caught by Betty, I know I asked Shawna about it and she was quite forward in telling the tale so to speak. But, why did you choose her?”

 

“She was amendable to my plan and she lives close by.  Matter of fact, once she understood why I was doing what I was doing she was insistent that she be the one to be with me when Betty caught me cheating.”

 

“I always thought they were friends.”

 

“Yeah…me too.  Guess not though.  You know, maybe Betty is as superficial as Shawna is and I just never noticed it.  Shawna told me that she had always wanted me…so it was so much better knowing that before hand.”

 

“Remind me to never cross you Jim.  By the way, why?”

 

“My only other alternative was to do bodily harm to them both.  I’ve been there before…never want to go there again. It still haunts me.”

 

“What? Been there before? Haunts you?”

 

“Never mind.  Water long since under the bridge and I won’t talk about it now.”

 

My thoughts were on that ring that day so long ago.

 

“I wish I could have seen the look on her face when she caught you two.  I’ll be she was furious.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Why what Jim?”

 

“Why are you being so damn nice all of the sudden, and why aren’t you taking up for your sister?  She is family after all Sue.”

 

“First of all, I was always jealous of Betty when she met you Jim.  I always had a crush on you.  Always.  Secondly, she had, as I said, the best man in the world, yet she couldn’t be happy with just you.  I can’t understand what she was thinking at all.”

 

“Yeah…well that’s something I can’t understand either, but for very different reasons than yours I suspect.”

 

“You could have left her some cash you know.  Mom and dad were furious with you until I found out what she had been doing with Sam, and once I told them, well, things changed rather quick.  Dad wanted to kick her out immediately, but mom managed to stop that…barely.  I thought for a bit that dad was going to kick mom out with her.  It was a close thing.”

 

“Whoa.”

 

“You know that mom and dad had a similar thing in their early days right?”

 

“Nope.”

 

“Oh yeah.  Dad caught mom fucking around on him, and he went berserk on them.  Daddy beat her lover to a bloody pulp, almost killing him.  He kicked mom out for a while, but eventually he took her back.  I guess quite a few people were amazed that their marriage managed to survive it…the other couple didn’t though. They were divorced rather quickly.”

 

“Wow, I never knew that.”

 

“I guess daddy was thinking like mother like daughter.  He was even a bit pissy with me for a while too.  He got over it though. It’s a wonder that Betty didn’t think of that before she…strayed.”

 

We talked some more, but I wanted to finish up and get back home.  Since Betty wasn’t there I had been left with the house cleaning, things that I had taken for granted…when I had been so happily married that is.  Susan though, wanted to talk.  It took me a while, but I finally realized that she was trying to work a way to come on to me.  I shut her down as soon as I knew that.

 

“Susan, why are you talking to me like I’m something more to you suddenly?

 

“Look Jim, just because Betty decided to throw away your marriage doesn’t mean that I don’t find you attractive and someone I’d like to get to know better.”

 

“Oh.  Well honestly Sue I’m not interested in starting anything right now.  My fling with Shawna was to show Betty what it felt like to have a spouse cheat on you with someone.  I’ll admit it had a bit of spice, but I found out that I couldn’t fuck around anymore.  At least not until all this shit with Betty is settled and done with.  I’m not built that way.”

 

“You’ll give me a chance?”

 

“I don’t know Sue.  I honestly don’t know.  Maybe…but don’t hold your breath.  I may end up moving somewhere else.  This whole thing has messed up my mind pretty bad.”

 

She left, a little wiser and a little sadder I think.  She is a nice looking lady and any man would be lucky to have her…but I had an issue in that her sister was too close to home…so to speak.  I had been married to her sister until all this crap happened.  Now I wanted distance from my soon to be former wife.

 

My life went fairly smoothly for a while after the shit settled down.  It took four long months, but eventually the courts and the judge arrived at a just decision, and we were granted a divorce.  Actually, I was granted the divorce, as Betty at first refused to allow it, then tried to turn it around on me, then finally tired to hit me for more financial comfort.  Ours was a typical semi-bad divorce, but I held on and my lawyer ended up being a good investment. 

 

Now I was officially alone and single.  I took the alone part to heart hard though.  I had a difficult time sleeping.  I was miserable when at home, and I soon learned that I had to get rid of the damned house in order to try  to find peace of mind. 

 

In the divorce I ended up with the house, and so I put it on the market, .I had tried for months to work out living there but that damn place held way too many memories, now mostly the bad ones, so I realized that it had to go.  

 

I found out several things in the process.  During the divorce for whatever reason, the lawyers had used the original appraisal instead of having a new one done.  Partially due to the fact that at the time the appraisal was to be done, Betty was certain that I’d come around and take her back, so she had told her lawyer to use the appraisal we already had, as it was only three years old. Due to that, when the realtor came up with a new value I found myself suddenly sitting on a house worth half again as much as I thought it was worth.

 

The other thing was that my house was in a hot spot and desired by almost everyone who knew about it being on the market.  By the time the realtor had the house listed there were people lining up to look at it.  When it finally sold six couples were bidding on it and it was all out war between them to get my house.  I ended up accepting an offer that was above the accessed value by a large margin.

 

Moving to a new job across the country, I was soon in a comfortable, albeit lonely existence.  New digs, new people, and new job.  All stressful and  at the same time, relaxing too.  I never thought about Betty too much, although I did think about Sue once in a while.  There had been something there, I knew it…but what it could have turned into I didn’t know.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Betty’s story:

 

 

 

 

Here I am, newly divorced and alone, so terribly alone.  My lover of the last years has dumped me like the plague, and trying to keep from ending up divorced just like me.  Once I knew that I had been caught, I had severed all ties to Sam.  Too little, too late. In effect we both dropped each other, but in both cases…well, you know.

 

I had thought that I could turn things around and end up back at home with my husband...and in that I also found out that the man I had married did indeed have a strong backbone, and he withstood all my grandstanding.

 

Looking back I can clearly see that I really messed up.  I had the perfect husband, one that almost any woman could and would kill to have…and I had tossed him out into the world of available women all so I could have a little excitement on the side.

 

That was Sam all over by the way…he was ‘excitement’ for me.  When we did it I had that naughty feeling of pulling something over on Jim.  Had I been thinking right, I would have never done that.  I got bored, then acted out in a way that was self-destructive.  Self destructive as a drug habit or becoming an alcoholic, or any number of other things people will do to themselves.

 

If I had a chance to do it all over again…never in a billion years would I have cheated on Jim.  Had I realized how hurt and angry I would have made him I’d have cut my wrists before cheating on him.  Hindsight…you know what they say about that…20 – 20 and all that.  I’ve been a terrible stupid fool.

 

I spent several weeks thinking about what I had done and how I had ended up like I did…I can’t put my finger on when I exactly decided that it would be okay to sleep around on Jim like I did.  I can’t tell you why I would do something so dumb.  I can’t even claim a blonde moment since I’m a redhead.

 

I wish that I could take it all back.  Now I’m alone and having to figure out what my next step in life will be.  I’m young enough to start over…but I really don’t want to do that.  I want Jim back and I want my life back…the life I had before I slept around on Jim and ruined his respect for me.

 

Was it worth it?  HELL NO.  In no way is what I’m going through worth all the supposed ‘fun’ I was having.  I sometimes think that knowing what I did, no man will ever have me as ‘wife’ material again.  They may jump my bones, but the good wife part of my life is probably over with forever.  I screwed that up and it’s public knowledge that I didn’t have my priorities in life right. 

 

I don’t have any answers for you about why I did what I did.  I know that I hurt badly now…that I sleep alone every night, that I hurt my husband, the man that I do…I really do love the most in my life, beyond any hope of recovery. Like water under the bridge…I can never return to that life except in my memories.

 

 

I’ve already turned down several dates and coffee offers from men who would like to get to know me.  I want nothing to do with any man…with one lone exception, and I drove him away from me.  You’d think that a smart woman like me could differentiate between being a good wife and being a cheap whore. 

 

No, before you say it…I never slept with anyone else but Sam…and Jim.  Never was tempted.  Sam and I met under weird circumstances and we started up after having known each other for several years.  It just…well, believe it or not, it just happened.  Neither of us planned to fall into bed yet once we did it became like a drug.

 

Our meets were filled with the hints of danger and the excitement of the illicit sex we had.  Each time seemed better than the one before, right up until I was hit with the knowledge that Jim had found me out.  Then a black hole spread out around me and engulfed me, sucking me into the depths of that light-less dark that nothing escapes.

 

My sex drive, that once had been quite hot…well, now it’s cold as ice.  I haven’t had an urge for sex ever since Jim found me out.  Well, that’s not true.  I have wanted one man…that one man I chased away.  My sister won’t be around me much at all anymore, my mom and dad are furious with me; daddy won’t even talk to me yet. 

 

The worst thing is my sister.  I could see her working on Jim, trying to capture him in her grip.  She would be a better woman for him, I’ll admit that.  Susan has always been the type of woman that will keep her man interested in her and too busy with her for either of them to stray. 

 

She is also a one relationship at a time type of woman too.  Even way back when in high school, she’d break it off with one boy for a long while before she’d take up with another.  I always never understood her that way, but now I can see that I was blind even back then to being the right kind of woman for a man.

 

Don’t get me wrong, I love my sister and if she did catch Jim, I’d be happy for her.  Yes, happy.  Even while I would be in deep pain at losing my husband to her.  Someone that I had all to myself, and I failed him totally.

 

I’m not the happy person I once was.  I’m not the cheat I once was either.  I learned my lesson.  But in my case, that lesson was taught too late for me and that final grade…well, it came at the highest price.  I don’t think I’ll ever want another man again.  I can’t have the one I had, and I lost him because of another man…I’m done.

 

Jim sold our house, our home.  I know that’s my fault too…but still it hurts because he’s moved across the country and away from me.  I’m sure he will find someone else, and that hurts too because I know how kind, good and wonderful a man he is that I let slip away. 

 

That’s not right…that I drove away…that’s it…I drove him away.  I knew that for certain when he dropped the check off from the proceeds of the house sale…my share that is.  He didn’t have to, but he took the difference of the original appraisal and what he sold it for and gave me half. Even though I had cheated on him as I had.

 

I held out my hand so he could lay that check there and as he did the look in his eyes was enough that I just wanted to drop into the nearest hole in the ground and never come out.  Where there had once been love and that certain indefinable lust, there was just cold, dark and anger.  Where his eyes had before always been flashing deep blue they were now a light ice blue with little needles of pain.

 

Sam and I had been having our affair for just over two years, when we were found out.  What started it all, as I remember, was we had a barbecue one weekend evening, and Sam being the new guy at work, had been drug along with a few others.  Jim had been called away, just before Sam showed up, and I had taken over the cooking.

 

We had people from where I worked and from where Jim worked there that night, and as things dwindled down, Sam, me and a young couple were left.  The young couple finally left leaving just Sam and I.  I had been drawn to him during the night even more than I had from work (he was one of my departmental co-workers) and his ability to make me laugh had started a fire deep inside.

 

By the time everyone was gone I was having all sorts of thoughts, and fighting with myself at some of the more nasty one’s that popped up.  Sam decided to leave after we had talked and laughed for about another hour.  Jim wasn’t home yet, and I was feeling buzzed from the beers I’d had.

 

I walked him to the door and there he thanked me for the invite.  I told him I was happy that he had come.  The next thing I knew, he leaned in and kissed me.  It was a light ‘friendly’ type of kiss that should have touched my cheek, but I turned my head at the last moment, wondering what he was doing when his lips touched mine. 

 

Sparks.  Lots of sparks.  I was tingling all over deep inside, and fearful that Sam could see that I wanted him.  I was able to hold myself together until he had left, that hot feeling of his lips having been on mine hanging with me until late that night.

 

I knew he was married just as I was.  I knew that what I was feeling for him at that instant was what a married woman like myself shouldn’t be feeling for a man not her husband, yet even though my mind was fighting the implications of what had just occurred I found myself wanting more.

 

After that, when we’d see each other at work he’d always have a nice comment, telling me always how beautiful and attractive I was, and joking with me.  More and more I began to want something more from our time…but I didn’t know how to approach him with my feelings.  I didn’t want to hurt Jim; I just wanted to have a feeling that had slipped away from me at some point in my life.  Sam, without possibly knowing it, had ignited that fire deep inside me.

 

Later that summer, we had another of many barbecues, and once again, Jim was called away.  This time, before we even got started with it so I decided to cancel it.  I managed to get in touch with everyone…but Sam.  For whatever reason, I blanked calling him about the canceled barbecue until he knocked on our door.

 

Surprised at first, I realized that I had invited him in before mentioning that the barbecue had been canceled.  Freudian of me, though I shuttled any guilt I was feeling off in the glow of Sam’s jokes and easy banter.  I also knew that his wife couldn’t make this one either since she had flown back to be with her mother who had an operation.

 

He was only going to stay for a bit, and we were still in the doorway to our house.  I took his hand and guided him in, hoping that he’d come.  As he did, my heart started thumping.  I could feel that fire deep inside bursting out, and I knew that if Sam did anything close to ‘right’ I’d be fucking him that night.

 

Sam did his part without probably realizing just how worked up I was and how much I wanted him.  By the time things calmed down we were naked and on the bed, having just done it twice.  I actually sucked him off right in the living room, where anyone, Jim included, could have walked in and caught me on my knees swallowing Sam’s cock.

 

Laying on the bed naked with him, I felt my first twinge of guilt for having cheated on Jim.  Sam must have felt something to because he began to joke nervously.  His joke soon became several and then we were both laughing, the guilt gone…washed away with the laughter.

 

After that night it got hotter and hotter, until we both realized that we had to cool our jets a bit or we’d be caught.  So we agreed to meeting on certain days.  At first it was once a month.  Pretty soon it was once a week, then, by the time Jim walked in and saw me, it had become three times a week in my home, and stolen moments here and there whenever we could get them.

 

It had become a drug that I was addicted to.  I think Sam was addicted to.  We both knew that we loved out spouses.  We both knew it was wrong, yet it was so…deliciously dirty and exciting neither of us could stop it by that point.

 

I never knew that Jim had caught me and Sam together until I caught him with my best friend. I should have known once I caught him and Shawna that something was up. Jim wasn’t and isn’t the type of man to ‘fall’ or climb into with any woman that comes along.  Right up until my sister told me why I had ‘caught’ Jim and Shawna together I figured that my cheating was not even suspected.

 

When I had opened our bedroom door and see her on top of my husband I had at first wondered who was in our bed fucking.  Then I saw Jim, and the look in his eyes as he gaze met mine.  A self-satisfied kind of smug look.  My anger had been building then I was hit with the knowledge that Jim’s look was one of ownership…like he knew something.  Inside I was dying.  My love, my husband was in bed naked fucking my best friend.  How DARE HIM!  How…dare…I?

 

It hit me like an ice cold bucket of water.  This is what it felt like to know that your spouse was cheating on you…and I hurt.  Oh how I hurt.  The implications of my affair now crashed down around me.  I had to run.  I had to get out.

 

I had turned and left only because I knew that if I started yelling or worse, it would all come out and at that moment I wasn’t able to face my own dirty secret.  Once alone and thinking more clearly I knew that Jim must had found me out and my catching him with my best friend had been his payback.  If I had hurt him half as much as I felt that night…I had destroyed us.

 

My next move was to resist the divorce and try to fix things.  Of course, Sam was out immediately.  As I mentioned before, too little and far and away too late.  Next I tried to convince Jim to go to counseling and I’d do anything he wanted.  He just stared at me before walking away. 

 

I tried everything I could, but between my parents nagging at me and my sister working or rather trying to work her magic on my husband, I suddenly realized that I had screwed up too much to fix this problem.  Having seen Shawna together with Jim in bed and the smiles on their faces when I walked in on them, I got angry.

 

I know…I had no right to be angry, but still, Jim was MY husband…well…that was my messed up thinking at the time.  Bother the fact that Jim’s wife had been fucking another man in his bed for a long time.  Twisted as I was and feeling so abandoned, though I had brought it all on myself, I tried to screw Jim financially. 

 

That didn’t work for beans.  Jim’s lawyer was known as the best in the state for divorce cases and the best lawyer I could afford was some guy that wore a cheap, smoky smelling suit that had an ‘air’ of moth balls lingering around too.  Needless to say, I didn’t fare too well.  Jim did surprise me though.  He relented a bit and gave up some money to me that I never thought I’d see.  He didn’t leave me destitute though I deserved to be left that way.

 

 

So, now I am here, in this dumpy apartment, with noisy neighbors and a not too safe street out front.  My job was almost taken away from me, but Shawna, of all people, manage to save that for me.  I wanted to hate her…but she had only acted what was natural for her, and though Jim was my husband, once she knew that I had more or less given him away like I had, her guilt was minimized.

 

We don’t talk or hang out, don’t get me wrong, but she did go to bat for me and helped me to keep my job.  I guess she felt a little bad for me in some ways.  Maybe because my actions had reminded her of how shaky her life was too. 

 

Some would call her a ‘free spirit’ but most men I would overhear talking about her were more than likely thinking she was a slut.  Which…I guess, was true.  Of course, now I belong in that group now too.  I’m not fooling myself.  If I hadn’t been caught and then ‘discovered’ my husband with my best friend, I would have still been seeing Sam.  I’m sure of that. 

 

Now, having been caught and having paid the price…the dear price of that hurt each day when I wake up alone, I am aware of one thing.  I should have never ever gone there to begin with.  I have no excuse.  I am an adult woman and I should have been able to resist doing what I did.  I can’t even blame Sam because I feel that I was the one that initiated the whole mess.

 

I still think of that day when I came home, about to shower up for my meeting with Sam and found Jim in bed with Shawna.  I couldn’t believe the pain that engulfed my heart at seeing them together like that.  I wanted to shout at Jim…kill Shawna, and scream at them both…yet I suddenly realized that I had been doing this very same thing to Jim all along.

 

Ashamed I had just left.  I never knew at that point that Jim already knew about Sam and I.  If I had I might have acted differently and begged him to forgive me…as I would forgive him for his time with Shawna.  Of course, that was not to be, and I highly doubt that would have worked anyway.  Jim is nothing but resolute once he has decided on a course of action.

 

I never thought about getting caught.  I never thought about how much my cheating on my husband would hurt him.  I never thought about what I was in danger of losing, until it was too late and I had lost it.  This whole dark episode in my life has been life changing and very educational.  I know now, what it feels like to have someone rip your heart out by its roots and toss it aside.  I know what it’s like to lose focus on what you dearly love and have to rebuild your life after the fact.

 

 

During the divorce I found out things about my husband that I had never known.  Some guy he had been giving money to for our entire marriage for instance. My lawyer had dug deep into his past and found out that Sam and I had been fortunate.  Jim could have killed us both with his bare hands.  That shocking bit of news was the most surprising thing about my husband I could have ever learned.

 

All the years we were married, Jim had never even hinted that he had boxed, or been a semi-pro boxer.  I had never heard him tell of the fight where he’d almost killed a man.  I’d never heard of him slipping money each month into that same man’s bank account, and me none the wiser.

 

As the divorce drug out I remember discovering how much of a backbone my husband had too.  What Sam and I had done together for our own selfish reasons came back to haunt us.  Jim had arranged for everything he had on Sam and I to go to Sam’s wife.  His divorce was uglier that mine was.

 

The third thing I discovered was that this was not Sam’s first time at cheating on his wife either.  He had been doing other women, even while he was with me.  How his wife must have been hurt when he was found out.  My guilt was not lessened in this mess though.  I had always had that choice to say no, and I failed in my vows to say that.  A simple no silently, to me from me was all it would have taken.

 

If I had spent more time on my loving husband and never spent it in bed with another man…If I had spent time being with my husband sexually rather than spending any time with another man…in the end I realized it had been me all along.  I had ruined my marriage…totally.

 

Talking with ‘Billie’s’ Parents had enlightened me in many ways to what kind of man I had married.  His actions after that fight had been his penance of sorts I’m sure…but Billie was not a small man by any means. 

 

Billie’s parents had nothing but good things to say about the man that had hurt their only son so badly.  Billie himself had spoken well of Jim.  He even refers to Jim as his best friend.  I, Jim’s wife of seven years, had never even known. 

 

Other acts of kindness my husband had done for many others had come out in my lawyer’s investigation.  At one point my lawyer had said that any one as well respected and kind as my husband was would be extremely hard to dig up dirt on.  A statement that was to prove true.  The only ‘dirt’ on my husband was his sleeping with Shawna.  That had been pre-planned by him…to show me what it felt like to have a spouse cheat on you.

 

Had I known any of this secret life of my husband I probably would have never…no I can’t say that.  I probably would have cheated…if not Sam some other smooth talking man would have happened along eventually and I would have folded. That first time.

 

 Be true to oneself…I have that at least.  Now after the fact that is.  Now, knowing what being cheated on really feels like, how it tears your heart out and stomps it into the ground…I know I’ll never cheat on someone again…ever.

 

 

Wish I’d known it before though.  Oh how I wish I had listened to that little voice in my head right after that very first kiss on my doorstep so long ago. 

 

 

 

 

 

With this ending readers, I leave it to you to figure out where each spouse ended up.  The time ahead is open, they are both free to pursue as they see fit.  I think that you are capable of giving them the ending they deserve so I will leave it to you now.