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Child Brides of India
By: C. Stanton Leman
Chapter 59: Lesson in Faith, (Mgg, cons, rom, no sex)
The nurse and the attending physician came rushing in
when
the flat line on the heart monitor registered at the
nurse's station. They saw me holding my expired bride in my
arms as I sobbed uncontrollably. All the women in the room
had fallen to the floor sobbing and wailing in agony over
our loss. The doctor solemnly pulled the curtain to shield
Faatina and her mother from seeing Emmy's lifeless form.
The doctor hung his head and I saw a tear roll down his
cheek. He checked on Faatina and turned to me, laying his
hand on my shoulder. He tried to comfort me by saying "I am
so very sorry for your loss. I wish there was more we could
have done. If it's any comfort to you, she went quickly.
Sometimes, children hang on for days in excruciating pain.
Again, I'm so sorry for your loss."
I could not be consoled. I just clung to Emmy's lifeless
form and rocked her like a babe as I sobbed in agony. After
about ten minutes, Mom enfolded both of us in her arms and
whispered, "She's gone Sean, let her go. She's in a far
better place of happiness than we could provide for her."
Shaking my head and crying out "No! Oh God No! Why?
Why not
Me Lord?"
I felt a sudden sting as Mom slapped me hard across the
face and said firmly, "Look at me Son!"
I snapped out of my agony long enough for her words to
register and respond. She took my face in her hands and
said, "She's gone Son, she's gone. You have two wives here
that need your strength. Do you think they loved Emmy any
less than you? Is your pain greater that theirs?"
I couldn't let her go and clung even tighter to her. Mom
slumped on the bed next to me and said as she wept, "I was
there when she took her first breath and I was here when
she took her last. Do you think your pain is greater than
mine?"
"But why Mom?" I pleaded for an answer.
"We'll find that out when we go to meet her,"
she replied softly.
Mom gently put her hand on my thigh and said, "Let
her go
Sean, Priya and Leeya need you. Your duty now lies with
them. Comfort your wives and share your grief and we'll all
get through this together."
Something in my mother's loving tone made me realize
that
she was right. I gently laid my alabaster bride gently on
the bed. I lovingly straightened her hair and folded her
hands in her lap and kissed her soft warm lips before
stepped back.
Priya stepped forward and gave her a kiss on the cheek,
as
did Leeya. Mom enfolded her arms around Emmy's head and
whispered "Good-bye my little angel" and kissed her lips softly.
I hugged my two wives to me firmly as we wept in each
other's arms. Holding my wives, I felt an out of body
experience where I had a sense of floating aimlessly lost.
This was my first experience with the death of someone I
was so close to and loved. I had no experiences to draw
strength from, except my mother. Feeling lost, I asked Mom,
"What do we do now, what happens next?"
Mom, no stranger to death, calmly said, "The first
thing we
need to do is get you an injection. You kissed Emmy and you
could contract this awful disease yourself. Don't kiss
either of the girls until you're medically cleared, understand?"
Mom called for the doctor and informed him of the
circumstances and I was given an injection ten minutes
later. Mom asked Priya to attend to Leeya as we spoke to
the doctor in private.
Mom said she didn't want to discuss arrangements in
front
of Leeya. She asked the doctor about Emmy's remains and he
said that because the circumstances of her death was
medically documented, there wouldn't be an autopsy and that
they could hold her remains for several days until
arrangements could be made.
The doctor said that they would leave her in her bed
until
we left and that they were going to move Faatina to another
room in about thirty minutes, or as soon as a bed was
ready. Having recovered a modicum of coherency, I asked him
how Faatina was.
He said that she'll live but it's still uncertain
whether
or not she's sustained any brain damage, hearing or speech
loss just yet. That will become known in a few days, maybe
a week, when she's recovered from the symptoms. I told him
"Spare no expense! Give her the best care that money can buy."
He replied, "This is a very modern medical facility
and
we'll give her the best care we can, but now, it's up to
her and her will to live. As you can now see, a matter of
an hour can mean life or death with this disease. I believe
that if she'd gotten here any later than she did, she'd be
gone also. What made the difference was that it just took a
few hours longer for the symptoms to present themselves.
These things are in the hands of God… that's all I can say."
Mom and I returned to Priya and Leeya. Leeya leapt into
my
arms and cried, "Please don't die Sean, please don't die!"
I was going to kiss her but stopped. Instead I hugged
her
to me and comforted her by saying "I'm not going anywhere
for a long time. Besides, you have to give me a daughter don't you?"
Sniffling she shook her head at me and with a forced
smile
replied, "Uh Huh, and I'm gonna name her Emmy Marie after Emmy."
I started to cry again as I smiled with admiration for
my
youngest wife and said, "Emmy would be honored. That's a
wonderful and loving gesture."
I hugged Priya to me as she quietly cried. We stepped to
Faatina's bed and Priya translated as Alpa said in Tamil,
"I'm so sorry for you and Emmy. What about my baby? Will
she be alright?"
I sighed, looked at Mom and she nodded so I said as
Priya
translated, "The doctor said she'll live, but they don't
know yet of there's any damage."
I looked to Mom for help but she mouthed the words
"Tell
her the truth."
I took her hand and said softly, "She may come out
of this
OK or she might have some hearing or sight loss, and the
worst that could happen is that she's suffered some brain
damage due to her brain swelling. They just won't know for
a few days or possibly a week."
After Priya had translated what I'd said, she laid her
head
on her child's stomach and cried, "What am I going to do if
she's damaged by this?"
Mom hugged her and comforted her by saying "They're
doing
all they can for her. We'll spend millions if that's what it takes,
OK?"
Alpa nodded and thanked my mother for her gesture. Mom
asked for my phone and said, "I have to call John and tell
him. He'll be crushed."
As Mom walked out the door into the hallway, I had the
greatest admiration for her and her strength. Where does it
come from? She's been the pillar of strength for me, for
Priya and Leeya; she's buried her favorite sister, and now
it would be two generations of her sister's family.
I suddenly felt ashamed for my selfishness. Outwardly
strong, my mother was wrenching with grief over the loss of
a part of her lineage. There will be no more from the line
of Aunt Cindy's genes. I wept within myself as I realized
that I had not only lost a bride, but generations to come
of children from my mother's sister: a part of my heritage.
I said a prayer of thanks to God for His mercy and not
letting Emmy suffer needlessly and for strength. Strength
for my mother and for my grieving wives who'd lost a very
dear sister and also for me to have the strength to lead my
family into the future. I looked into the obsidian black
eyes of my soul mate and almost collapsed at the thought of
losing her. In one short year, she'd become my beating
heart, my very breath, my will to live, and my strength.
I thought it ironically funny how men think of
themselves
as the stronger sex. A man would literally die of heart
failure giving birth to a child. We men are just oversized
boys who, like my mother joked, need their noses wiped,
scolded and corrected, told to play nice and need cuddles
like a baby. It's as if we're just along for the ride,
doing the bull work and leaving the real work of life:
bearing children, caring for home, children and another
child called a husband to the women of our race.
Mom returned and we could see the pain etched in her
face
as she tried valiantly to put on a face of strength. I had
the feeling that she was running on pure will. She walked
to Emmy and stroked the side of her face and softly said,
"It's time to go, say your good byes."
I kissed Emmy's freckled button nose as Priya and Leeya
stroked her arm. I looked back at her in her perpetual
peaceful slumber as we walked out the door.
The ride home was bitterly quiet and somber; the only
sounds were an occasional sob as we grieved together over
the loss of Emmy. It was like a nightmare, an incredibly
horrible nightmare. One day she's here, laughing at the
prospect of getting married, and the next… gone. She's gone.
We arrived home at about seven. Looking at the
grandfather
clock in the hall, it reminded me that Emmy had been gone
for two hours already. Time… they say it waits for no one
and I guess it's true. It's strange how things from our
past slip in and out of our consciousness. I remembered a
verse in the Bible from Ecclesiastes that said, "There a
time to be born and a time to die. There's a time for
everything under the sun…"
"Everything under the sun…" Would there be a time
for our
sorrow to end? Will there ever again be a time of happiness
for us that live? Right now, time only reinforced the pain
of not having her here with us, planning our wedding, being
joyful and hopeful for all that we thought the future would
hold for us.
I had a splitting headache, but the hole in my heart was
more painful. I heard Pita cry out in Tamil from the
kitchen and I knew Mom had told her of Emmy's passing.
With a heavy sigh I walked to the dining room where the
women were sitting. A few minutes later, Pita brought us
tea and after taking a sip felt sick. Everyone got jumpy
and I quelled their fears and said that I was just upset.
Mom handed me my phone… strange I hadn't even realized that
she still had it.
After wiping her face with her hands Mom said,
"Your father
will be here in the morning. He's on a plane here now. I
know that you may not think this is a good time, but we
have decisions to make.
Leeya asked, "What decisions. Momma?"
Priya hugged her as Mom said, "Sweetie, we need to
decide
where Emmy's going to be buried."
The three of us looked at each other as if to say,
"I don't
want to deal with this."
Mom said, "Here's my opinion, for what it's worth.
If Emmy
had married Sean, she would have lived here with you. I
think Emmy should be buried here, in India where you kids
live and make your home. She was a part of your family, and
even though she's my Goddaughter, I think she'd want to be
here, close to the three of you."
Leeya replied, "Can I go see her when I want?"
Priya kissed her cheek and said, "Yeah, we can go
together
and visit her. You need to remember though, Emmy' body will
be here, but her spirit is in heaven with Allah and her
Momma and Daddy."
Mom added, "Since Emmy wasn't a Muslim, I know she
probably
would have converted, but point in fact, she was still a
Christian and I'd like to give her a Christian burial. Is
that OK with you Sean?"
"Yes Mom," I replied, "A Christian burial
will be fine."
"Now," Mom said, "Here's where the
problems may arise. I'm
not sure if a Christian can be buried with Muslims: I just
don't know the rule. You'll have to find that out tomorrow Sean."
Trying to shake to fog from my brain, I shook my head
and
asked, "Huh? What'd you say Mom? Sorry I missed that."
"I said," Mom repeated, "You'll have to
find out tomorrow
if a Christian can be buried with Muslims. If she can, I
suggest that you buy burial plots for all of you so that
when the time comes, you can all be together."
I nodded and said, "Yeah, I'll call the Imaam
tomorrow and
find out."
Mom took a sip of tea, looked at me and said, "Your
father
will be here tomorrow. If you can't handle this Sean, John
and I will. I need to know now because we have to take care
of this and soon."
"No Mom," I replied, "I may need help,
but it's my
responsibility to take care of her."
"Priya," Mom said, "Call your father and
ask your parents
to come over. Apologize for the late hour but tell him it's important."
Priya nodded and took Leeya's hand as they went to the
study to make the call. Mom said, "I know how you feel son,
but you've got to at least drink something. If you get
sick, this family will fall apart. You've got a family to
think about. This Son, is the college of life, and we don't
get to choose the lesson plan: there's no electives."
I looked at her angrily because I thought her remark was
callous and said, "How could you be so insensitive?"
"About what Sean?" She shot back as she leaned
forward
against the table, "Emmy's dead. There's no bringing her
back. No matter how much you hate it, think its unfair or
cruel, it's a fact you have to face. You can wallow in your
sorrow in due time, but if you really loved her enough to
make her your wife, you'll care for her until she's buried."
Reaching across the table and taking my hand Mom said,
"You
need to live in the here and now, and right now you have a
five year old wife and a twelve year old wife that needs
their husband to continue loving them and help them realize
the happiness of starting a family one day with them."
She continued with, "Do you think for one minute
that you
can let the events of your life dictate your happiness? Is
your life over? Is theirs (as she pointed to the study)?
What you have with those girls is a one of a kind, very
remarkable thing. It's so remarkable that Emmy wanted to be
a part of it. Since that won't happen, does that mean your
family will fall apart?"
Mom straightened herself in her chair and said, "No
one!
And I mean no one, loved that child as much as I did, but
all I can do now is feel glad that I was able to bring her
a measure of happiness while she was alive."
Mom was now sobbing as she stood and pointed her finger
at
me and said, "And don't you dare call me insensitive! You
have no right! I was there when Cinny went through hell to
bring Liz into the world, and I was also there when Liz
bore Emmy. I brought you into this world boy, and no one,
BELIEVE ME no one knows the indescribable pain of losing a
child as much as a mother who's borne the pain of giving
birth to one! I've lost two Godchildren, kids that I helped
raise and nurture. I fed them, clothed them, nursed them,
wiped their shitty asses and diapered them! That's all
water under the bridge now because they're gone, but that
hasn't stopped me from loving you or Priya or Leeya."
She sat with a thump and said, "Here's a fact of
life Son,
and you can take it with a grain of salt if you wish, but
love is for the LIVING. I'll always carry the love I felt
for Cinny, Liz and Emmy in my heart to the grave, but that
love is only a flickering memory, a snapshot in time of the
love we shared while they were alive. You can't love a
ghost: they can't you love back! Don't waste your time on
the dead, love those that are with you with every beat of
your heart and soul, and hope to God it's enough… just hope
very hard that it's enough. Love the memory of Emmy and the
gift of love God gave you to share with her while she was
here. Honor Emmy by loving those you can- while you can,
because you've learned painfully that tomorrow, they may be gone."
Mom covered her face and cried as she continued,
"You don't
understand Son the pain I feel. I feel the pain of losing
my sister, her daughter and her daughter's daughter. "I'm
reliving ALL their deaths right now. I also feel the pain
that my other children feel: your pain, Priya's and
Leeya's, and I wish I could take it all inside myself and
shield you from this pain but I can't. Some of the pains of
life God makes us all share; He never gives us more than we
can bear. One day when you have a child and that child
scrapes her knee, you'll cry with her but she'll only feel
her pain: you'll bear yours silently and with the desire to
take away ALL her pains in life, but sadly you'll realize
you can't. You have to find within yourself the strength to
grieve for Emmy, let her go in love and still look forward,
together with your family, with hope. Without hope there's
only being. Here. Now. With them you'll regain your smile,
the laughter, the pitter-patter of little feet and the
thirst to share every breath of life with them, but don't
wallow in coulda, woulda, shoulda's: just live and love
those you've been blessed with to love."
She slumped back in her chair and finished with,
"There.
I've given my sermon for the day. Now go check on your
wives, they need you."
Her words stung my torn heart and I had the feeling that
God had just spoken to me. I've heard tell that God can
only mold you into what you need to become when you're
truly broken and the only way forward is through Him. My
mother's words cleaved my heart in two and cast it to the
four winds, and I now felt totally broken.
With tear-filled eyes, I went to my mother, sank to the
floor and as she embraced me with a mother's love, I wept
as a child in her lap.
"Please forgive me Momma," I cried,
"Right now I feel lost!
I'm a lost little boy and I don't know what to do."
Momma gently kissed the top of my head and she cooed
softly
to me, "Yes you do, Son. You have a special love to give
some incredible young women. Just love them with all that you have."
She gently pulled my face from her lap to look at me and
said, "This may not make sense to you right now; the death
of a child never makes sense. You will find that if you can
summon the courage and strength from God to be strong and
give Priya and Leeya the support and guidance to overcome
this, you'll find that by being strong for them and helping
them get through this, God will begin to heal you by
helping others. If you withdraw into yourself, you slowly
close the doors of your heart and slowly suffocate yourself
from giving love and accepting the love of others.'
Stroking my face she said, "It's easy to be strong
when
life is good, but the mark of a true human being is the
strength, compassion and love we exhibit when it seems all
but impossible to give. God giveth and He taketh away. He's
taken Emmy from us but He will bring a new joy into your
life because He knows your sorrow, He feels your pain and
He hears your prayers."
I sat back on my haunches and wiped my face as I looked
at
Momma with a child's eyes. Her words were a soothing balm
to my spirit as she continued, "You're a man, but think of
Leeya. She may be your wife but she's also a five year-old
child. What do you think she's going through right now? Or
Priya. We all look at her as a grown woman but she's still
only twelve. Don't you think she's thinking in the back of
her mind that that kiss goodbye you gave Emmy might be the
kiss of death for her soul mate?"
Mom sat back and looking up said, "I don't know
what the
future holds for you and the girls. Whether or not you'll
marry again or how many children you'll have, but you need
to accept the will of God. Someday your father and I will
die, and you'll need to strong again for your family. Think
of your faith. Death is just a transition in our lives so
that we can enjoy the fruits of that faith with God. It's
ironic how people say they believe in God, but when we need
to trust Him most, we question His judgment."
"Life involves pain Son," she said softly,
"Life changes
and with that change comes pain. It's not that we don't
want to change, it's the pain that comes with change we shy
away from; whether it's quitting smoking or exercising or
even death. No matter how many people die around you, it
never gets easier to bear. By embracing that pain Son, you
embrace change: whatever change God has chosen to make in
your life. He's preparing you for the next step in your
life. God has lessons He wants us to learn and He keeps
presenting this lesson until we learn it before moving on
to the next lesson. His timetable is eternal and He'll wait
while you stand in that darkened room to see if you'll open
the door, step into the light and move on to the next
lesson. With each lesson comes the cost of giving up apart
of ourselves that God deems to change. Giving up a part of
ourselves is painful, but acceptance of that pain comes
with a blessing. That's why God's blessings are so
precious, because we know what it cost us to receive them.
God has not forsaken you Sean, your heart is broken, but He
will mend it with something just a precious if not more
than what it cost you. Trust Him."
She patted my cheek lovingly and ended with, "Now
go. Go to
your wives, they need you. I have been strong for you, now
I need to be alone and grieve for my baby in my own way."
With that, she rose and went upstairs.
I sat and was overwhelmed by the lesson in life my
mother
had just lovingly imparted to me. I was in awe of my
mother's faith and I now felt a sense of calm; still in
agonizing pain, but calm, and I realized what I had to do.
Mom was right; I'm still alive with two wives to care for
and life WILL go on. I rose from the floor and started
towards the study. The clock said eight-fifteen. I saw my
wives huddled together on the sofa in each other's arms, sobbing.
When they saw me in the doorway, they both looked at me
with frightened eyes. I gave them a soft soothing smile and
walked to them. They parted and made room for me to sit
down between them. I lifted Leeya onto my left knee and
motioned Priya to sit on my right. Once they were seated, I
pulled them both into a firm embrace. They laid their heads
on my shoulders and Priya cried out, "Oh Sean, please don't
die, we'd be lost without you!"
With a sigh I kissed both their foreheads and whispered,
"I'm not gonna die. We are still a family with years of
love to give each other, and besides, we have children to
raise someday, right?"
Priya looked at me with pleading eyes and said,
"Sean, give
me a baby. I don't want to wait anymore, I want a child
with you now."
I looked at her, understanding why she asked this of me
and
said, "Priya, we have many years ahead of us for that. If
you had a child now, making your dreams come true would be
unnecessarily difficult. Now is not the time for children.
It's now the time for healing and looking towards the
future with hope."
I held my child brides in my arms, their heads on my
shoulders. They seemed soothed and quieted by the sound of
my voice. I went on to share with them the lessons my
mother had just passed on to me. I tried to comfort them,
as best as I understood my mother's words, by saying that
the pain we feel today God will replace with equal joy when
the time is right. Our lives will forever be changed by
what Emmy had given us in our short time together and for
us to take what she'd given us and build on that love with our family.
I told them there's a time for everything and when our
grieving is over and we can smile again, our blessings will
come. Our duty as a family is now to love each other every
day with all our hearts. If we do this, our love will be
multiplied, according to the Koran, seven fold. Now is the
time for sadness because Emmy's no longer with us, but we
should feel joy that she is now in Heaven with the Almighty
and her parents. She's now with her family again.
"But how can I make my heart stop hurting?"
Leeya asked.
"Whenever you're heart hurts you just ask for a hug
and a
kiss from Priya and I," I replied softly.
I lovingly tweaked her nose and said, "Remember
when you
lost your Mommy and you were sad for a while?"
With head on my shoulder, Leeya silently nodded and
replied
"Uh huh."
"Well," I continued, "It hurt for a while
but there came a
day when our love made you happy again, didn't it?"
Lifting her head to look at me she replied, "Oh, I
see… I
think. If I didn't think about how much I loved you and
wanted to be with you and Priya, I would have always been
sad, right?"
"Exactly." I replied with a smile, "We
need to turn to each
other and love each other to get better."
I looked at Priya and then Leeya and said, "I love
both of
you with all my heart. I'll never stop loving you and I'll
never leave you. Come to me with your sorrow and I'll try
my best to take away your fears and pain."
Just then, there was a knock on the door, I told the
girls,
"That must be your parents, Priya, let's go let them in."
Priya opened the door and fell into her mother's arms.
Adib
and I got the couple into the living room and guided them
to the sofa. Leeya climbed in between them for a group hug
and comfort. Adib and I gave each other a familial hug and
he expressed his condolences and sorrow.
Mom must have heard them come in because she appeared at
the doorway a few minutes later. She looked composed but
her eyes were puffy and red from crying.
Sarah was very helpful in helping to calm Priya and
Leeya.
She showed the compassion and strength of a true doctor.
Once everyone was calm enough to talk, we sat and talked of
things ahead.
Adib had said that because Emmy was betrothed to me, and
she was a believer of the Book, she could be buried with us
as a family. I told him I'd call the Imam and verify that.
He got the phone book and looked up the number to a very
nice, Muslim cemetery for me to look into tomorrow. They
seemed fine with the fact that Emmy would have a Christian
burial and said that they'd be in attendance.
I asked Sarah how this could happen.
She replied, "New Delhi, like all of India's big
cities,
has an immense population with poor sanitation and very
little of the population getting proper medical care."
I was surprised to find out that there are about five
hundred cases on meningitis every year just in New Delhi
alone. She went on to say that the vaccine for meningitis
can be risky and that they only give it to people in direct
contact with the sick, such as medical personnel.
I asked Salima if anyone had any more news on Faatina.
Salima said she called the hospital and the nurse allowed
her to talk with Alpa for a few minutes at the nurse's
station. Faatina's condition is still the same: critical
but stable.
Salima went on to say that Faatina's brain swelling had
receded some, her fever had broken but she was still
drifting in and out of sleep while she fought off the disease.
We then moved on to other polite conversation, trying to
keep from dwelling on the tragedy, for another thirty
minutes or so before we decided that we should call it a
night. After comforting hugs and kisses, we said our
salaams and our driver took them home.
As soon as the Haaseem's were gone, we decided that we
all
should get some much needed sleep. I'd been up for almost
forty hours and was ready to collapse. Mom went to her room
to mourn while we three went to our bedroom and said
evening prayers.
Tonight was Wednesday; it would have been Emmy's night.
We
got undressed silently and climbed in to bed together. I
enfolded my wives, one in each arm and held them as we
comforted each other to sleep.
I lay there for quiet a while and listened as Priya and
Leeya would intermittently cry and doze off again. I said a
prayer to Emmy, who I was sure, was looking down on us, and
told her she'd always have that place in my heart. I
thanked God Almighty for my wives and for my very special mother.
Being exhausted, I cannot tell what time I fell asleep,
but
with God's graciousness, I did.
Continued in Chapter 60…
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