From: Celeste801@aol.com
Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} Celestial Reviews 353 January 24
Date: 24 Jan 2000 00:00:00 GMT
Message-ID: <22445asstr$948751803@assm.asstr.org>
X-Is-Review: yes
Approved: <assm@asstr.org>
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit
X-Original-Message-ID: <d2.8cdede.25bdccbb@aol.com>
Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"
X-Moderator-Contact: ASSTR ASSM moderation <story-admin@asstr.org>
X-Moderator-ID: Vulpine, newsman, kelly
X-Archived-At: <URL:http://assm.asstr.org/Year2000/22445>
MIME-Version: 1.0
X-MIME-Autoconverted: from quoted-printable to 8bit by sara.asstr.org id KAA23189
Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories,alt.sex.stories.d
X-Story-Submission: <story-submit@asstr.org>

Celestial Reviews 353  January 24, 2000

Note:  Denny W posted this. I thought I should give it wider publicity: Maybe 
you CAN go blind from doing masturbating after all!
 
Researchers have documented six cases in which rigorous activity resulted in 
temporary vision loss. Five men, ages 30 to 53, suffered hemorrhages of 
varying severity in one eye while having intercourse or masturbating. The 
lone woman, a 24-year-old, complained of losing vision in her left eye after 
being stimulated with a vibrator. The study, published in the American 
Medical Association's Archives of Ophthalmology, stressed that these cases of 
"Valsava retinopathy" are rare. The condition has been associated with other 
forms of exertion, such as weight lifting, or with prolonged vomiting or 
coughing. Researchers believe that pressure builds in the eye, causing tiny 
blood vessels to break or delicate tissue lining the eyeball to tear. It can 
take from five weeks to 10 months for normal sight to return.
 
 If you've been looking for a reason to explore celibacy, this is it. If, on 
the other hand, you'd like to continue with your wanton ways, experts say you 
can minimize risk by not holding your breath during sexual stimulation, as 
happened in some of these cases, and by avoiding intense physical exertion if 
you're otherwise sedentary.

Second note: A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her 
husband's best friend.  They make love for hours, and afterwards, while 
they're just laying there, the phone rings.

Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver.  Her lover looks 
over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation...

She speaks in a cheery voice: "Hello?  Oh, hi.  I'm so glad that you called. 
Really?  That's wonderful.  I am so happy for you.was that?"

"Oh," she replies, "that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful 
time he's having on his fishing trip with you."

Third note: A young single guy finds himself stranded on a deserted island.  
As he washes ashore, he sees a women passed out in the sand.  Able to perform 
CPR on her, he saves her life.  Suddenly, he realizes that the woman is Cindy 
Crawford.  Immediately, Cindy falls in love with the man.  Days and weeks go 
by, and they're making passionate love morning, noon and night.  True Heaven 
on earth, in the man's eyes.

Alas, one day she notices he's looking kind of glum.  "What's the matter, 
sweetheart?" she asks.  "We have a wonderful life together and I'm in love 
with you.  Is there something wrong?  Is there anything I can do?"

He says, "Actually, Cindy, there is.  Would you mind, putting on my shirt and 
pants?"

"Sure," she says, "if it'll help."

He takes off his shirt and pants and she puts it on.  "Okay, would you put on 
my hat now, and draw a little mustache on your face?" he asks.

"Whatever you want, sweetie," she says, and does so.

Then he says, "Now, would you start walking around the edge of the island?" 
She starts walking around the perimeter of the island.  He sets off in the 
other direction. They meet up halfway around the island a few minutes later.

He rushes up to her, grabs her by the shoulders, and says, "Dude!  You'll 
never believe who I'm sleeping with!"

Fourth note: A discussion on a.s.s.d. that focused on reviews has used some 
of my reviews as examples. Several people have said something like "I find it 
sad that XX decided not to write again after a negative review."

The "negative review" was posted in CR 327. I didn't write the review; 
however, it was written by a person who I think writes outstanding reviews. 
This review (which is reposted below) gave the story a 10 for grammar and 
style, an 8 for story structure, and a 5 for appeal to the reviewer.  

The 8 for the story structure seemed to be valid. My opinion (which was also 
that of the reviewer) is that the author piddled around with digressions that 
really weren't all that interesting or pertinent and therefore could 
reasonably be considered to interfere with the story structure. An 8 means 
"good but not great." 

The author of the review specified his reasons why he didn't like it  it was 
too pedantic  the author came across as making cute little asides to show 
off his knowledge instead of just getting on with it and telling the story. I 
did not read the whole story  because I don't like stories of that sort. The 
damned thing has eleven parts; and I think lots of people (like me) would 
like to know before they spend time downloading and reading a lengthy story 
whether there is a chance they will like it. I often send long stories to 
this reviewer, and he often gives them positive reviews. Lots of readers 
(including me) respect his opinion (largely because he gives good reasons for 
his judgments), and hence they are likely to read long stories by MichaelD, 
Michael K. Smith, or Al Steiner and skip right past stuff that is likely to 
be a waste of their time.

Now if XX or anyone else is going to react to this kind of criticism by 
crawling into a hole and not writing anymore, so be it. A more sensible 
response might be to write a better story next time. {A follow-up referred to 
these two sentences of mine as "callous." A follow-up to that criticism said, 
"Why? Because it's true?"}

I personally try to write reviews that are constructive, and I try to be 
especially sensitive to beginners. I may fail at this; but my experience has 
been that both readers and authors seem to like my reviews.  

I suppose I have had "bad" guest reviewers, but they are overall a good 
bunch. Some of the reviewers have gotten better in response to the feedback 
that appears in a.s.s.d. Others stop reviewing when somebody blasts them for 
a bad review. One reviewer started out by writing reviews that I thought were 
a little pedantic and offensive. Then she did a complete 180 and began 
writing reviews  in which she seemed to be kissing up to the authors. 
Currently, she writes pretty good reviews.

What I am saying is that those of us who write reviews may not be 
professionals, but we try to do a good job; and I think we offer a useful 
service.

I sometimes feel flattered when someone chastises me for "farming out" a 
story instead of reviewing it myself. However, I am able to review a lot more 
stories with the help of the guest reviews. In addition, I have one reviewer 
who reviews bdsm stories that I find to be distasteful. I personally enjoy 
his reviews a great deal, even though I rarely read the stories he 
recommends. In this respect, CR provides a sort of central forum where people 
can look to find out what's going on.

I hasten to add that I am aware that my own Reviews are not strictly speaking 
purely reviews. They are essays in which I have some fun writing about what's 
on my mind  which is sometimes the story I'm reviewing and sometimes 
something else. It's a reasonable thing to do, and I have a large audience of 
people who like this sort of thing. There are almost no people I really want 
to offend, and I enjoy the feeling of mutual respect that I think I have with 
some of the authors; but I have long ago stopped worrying too much about 
people liking or disliking specific things that I say. In this way I think I 
am typical of most of the people who are active in this community  we are 
relatively non-traditional and forthright and able to deal with intelligent 
discussion.

I am starting to ramble. The basketball game my husband has been watching is 
nearing it's terminus, and I am feeling an urge to do something other than 
harangue you any further. Below is a copy of the offending review:

=====================
Celestial Reviews Index:
=====================

"Snow in July, Stevie in August" by Michael K. Smith (hot spontaneous sex)10, 
10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=565173990

"Kelly" by Pee J (flirtation and passionate sex) 9.5, 9.5, 9.5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=568890955

"Passenger" by Sidney Durham (sex at 90 m.p.h.) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567584568

"In The Darkness" by Deana Johns (sexual awakening) 9, 9.5, 9.5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567289973

"Letters to my Lover - Kitchen Fantasy & Washing Up" by Dean Edwards 
(romantic passion) 9, 8, 9

"Diamondmouth" by Paris Waterman (career counseling) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=551023940

"Forget All That" by Uther Pendragon (romance) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=309575152
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=309863113
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=310046955
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=310257476
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=310469176
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=310717338
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=310956592
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=311296168
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=311609996
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=311844003
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=312070547
[Or http://www.nyx.net/~anon584c/ and follow your nose.  But this might not 
work several months from now.]

"Sports Illustrated" by Chris Church (rape & voyeurism) 5, 4, 4
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=569468692

"The Former Nun" by Varangian  (sex for an ex-nun) 6, 5, 5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=568965196

"Frankie" by Emerson Laken-Palmer (incest) 9.5, 9, 9
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571062264

"Every Lollipop Loves A Licking" by Erin Halfelven (masturbation) 9, 8, 7
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=574462563

"A Place to Call Home" by Ann Douglas (FF romance) 9, 10, 9.5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571929738
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571929742
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571943563
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571943567
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571943572

=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================

"The Morning After" by Ann Douglas (sex with adolescent). Todd: 6, 4, 5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=557366882
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=557366886

"Adultery in the First Degree" by Phil Phantom (adultery). Mary: No rating.
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=564668290

"Slaves" by E.Z. Riter (brutal sex). Myers: No rating.
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=569274527

"The Arrangement" by Ann Douglas (FF dom). BillyG: 9.5, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567886897
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567886902
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567886906
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567912025
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567912021
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567912020

"My Date with a Devil" by Lady Casaloma (sexual teasing). Myers: No rating.
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=574142519

=====================
Reposted Reviews:
=====================

* "Forget All That" by Uther Pendragon (romance) 10, 10, 10
{See above for Links}

* "The Mommies" by Al Steiner (sex with Mr. Mom) BillyG: 10, 10, 9
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=453994656

* "The Bandit" by Metlay (slice of life). 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=568088440

=====================
Here are the  Reviews:
=====================

"Snow in July, Stevie in August" by Michael K. Smith (mksmith1@bellsouth.net 
work).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=565173990

Billy meets Snow at a Fourth of July block party that is held at Snow's 
house. {The teenager got her name from hippie parents. Hippies used to name 
their kids things like Snow, Chastity, and Rosebud.} Snow is serving 
lemonade. Billy has a little too much (lemonade) to drink; and when he goes 
inside to tinkle, Snow follows him. First she helps him aim; then she plays 
with his dick and does a little show for him. He has a good time, and so does 
she. This is not really "good," since he's an adult and she's a minor.

The next month Billy meets Snow's sister Stevie, who is also a sexy female, 
but somewhat older. He helps her look at bathing suits; and the next day she 
stops by and tells him that if he's not boinking her sister or anything like 
that, she'd like to fuck his brains out. And  I know you may find this part 
hard to believe  she talks dirty while he does it to her. Imagine that. She 
even has exquisite rectal muscles. Imagine that.

I'm having a little trouble finishing this review. Imagine that.

Note that Snow and Stevie had "hippie" parents. "Hippy" parents would have 
big hips.

Ratings for "Snow in July, Stevie in August"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Kelly" by Pee J (peej102@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=568890955

The narrator finds himself attracted to Kelly, who appears to be of legal age 
but much younger than he. The bad news is that he discovers she's having an 
affair with a woman. The good news is that he also finds out that she swings 
both ways. The further bad news is that she flirts outrageously with him, but 
only when other people are around. Otherwise, she treats him like a big 
brother  the kind of guy a girl will neck and pet with, but not go all the 
way. Some further good news is that he gets really excited about the fantasy 
of watching her make love to another woman. And maybe participating.

So anyway, she fucks his brains out in a most delightful manner.

Ratings for "Kelly"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5

"Passenger" by Sidney Durham (sidney_durham@springmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567584568

This story is silly. You could get killed doing things like this. M.A.D.D. 
doesn't approve of this sort of thing, even if the Driver is not Drunk.

Al picks up a sexy hitchhiker who is half his age, and she comes on to him. 
She basically undresses in the front seat, plays with her tits, flashes some 
truck drivers, and then chokes his chicken for an encore.

It's a little sexier the way the author puts it.

Even more interestingly {perhaps}, this story makes the useful distinction 
between "on to" and "onto." That is, it is not always correct to believe that 
on + to = onto. In other words, there's a difference between Indigo coming 
"on to" Al and Indigo coming "onto" Al, both of which happen in this story. 
However, the story is pretty hot, and so it's not all that likely that you'll 
notice or remember this semantic distinction.

This is a really silly short story, but it's well written and hot. As a 
supporter of M.A.D.D.  or at least as one who doesn't want them on my case  
I urge you to read this story and reach orgasm to it so often that the notion 
bores you stiff  er, silly. That way, you won't want to do this in real 
life, and the roads will be safer because of your effort. Thank you for your 
courtesy.

Ratings for "Passenger"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"In the Darkness" by Deana Johns (Deana.Johns@sm0101.promedia.net).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567289973

This story technically deserves a slightly lower rating for technical quality 
than I have given it. However, since it purports to be the recital of a young 
girl just starting to have her period, perhaps the minor grammar mistakes can 
be excused in the name of realism. She's a horny young kid, not a budding 
rocket scientist.

The author covers up (or incorporates) these grammar problems with a really 
nice sense of timing and an interesting twist in the plot.

The girl is being raised by her father, and her body has started sending her 
messages that confuse her. She reflects on these feelings alone in the 
darkness. Then one night a mysterious female presence joins her in the 
darkness. Is it her sister come back early from college? Her lost mother 
returning to give her sex instruction? I ain't tellin'. 

This is an excellent story. I strongly recommend it.

Ratings for "In the Darkness"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5

"Letters to my Lover - Kitchen Fantasy & Washing Up" by Dean Edwards 
(mix@mixmaster.ceti.pl).

These "letters" have two strikes against them: (1) they use the second person 
(I/you) point of view, and (2) they are not really complete stories  just 
snippets taken out of context. The third strike is that the stories are 
pretty much formula stuff  two people in love fucking the way most people 
fuck when they are passionately in love and doing the ordinary things of life.

But I'm going to give these stories a foul ball on that third strike. You 
non-baseball fans will have to look that metaphor up. As every non-British 
schoolchild since William Babbington MacCaulley knows, what I am saying here 
is that the stories don't fail, as my initial bias led me to believe they 
would. 

There are apparently more stories in this series, but the two that I reviewed 
were pretty good. These letters do a nice job of expressing the hot, romantic 
passion between a man and a woman. They are sort of like watching two people 
screwing in loving passion, without any framework to tell us who they are or 
why they like each other so much  other than the obvious factor of 
reciprocal titillation. If you like that sort of thing, you may enjoy these 
fragments. I certainly did.

Ratings for "Letters to my Lover"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Diamondmouth" by Paris Waterman (the_panda@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=551023940

This is a story about a black pimp being interviewed in a billiards 
establishment in downtown Newark by a young white lady who is a reporter for 
the local newspaper. It relies heavily on a phonetic rendition of the 
dialogue as the participants would have pronounced (and slurred) the words. 
That means you have to read slowly and sometimes figure out what the hell the 
people are saying; but it also means that you get a picturesque and vivid 
story, if you take the trouble to find it.

Mr. Liston (the pimp) describes to the reporter the biographical details of 
one Johnny Diamondmouth, a legendary king of the pimps, who used to chew 
maybe twelve packs of Juicy Fruit gum a day, just to keep his breath sweet. 
{Indeed, I have a past similar to Johnny D's, although my mastications were 
less extreme.}

While the reporter acquires carnal and criminal knowledge from Liston, he 
fucks with her mind and eventually her body. "Please continue, Mr. Liston," 
she says. He does; and she gets her story, while he gets some fine ass. In 
addition, she gets some career counseling.

Ratings for "Diamondmouth"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Forget All That" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). 
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=309575152
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=309863113
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=310046955
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=310257476
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=310469176
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=310717338
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=310956592
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=311296168
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=311609996
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=311844003
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=312070547

[Or http://www.nyx.net/~anon584c/ and follow your nose.  But this might not 
work several months from now.]

To relieve the tension, I'll tell you right up front that the title refers to 
the notion that the major advantage of breast-feeding is that it makes a 
woman less likely to suffer from breast cancer in later life and will speed 
the loss of that extra weight that she developed during pregnancy.  Forget 
all that, and get on with the story.

This episode is filled with a lot more non-sexual, real-life matters than 
most of the other chapters in the Brennan Saga: discussions of child-rearing, 
of getting a college education in French, of family tribulations and 
relationships, of theoretical economics, of the philosophy of history, of the 
Fashoda Incident (when the United Kingdom came perilously close to war with 
France), and of many other matters that real-life family members would be 
likely to discuss during a Christmas visit. {These are the sort of things 
Americans talk about when they don't spend all their time watching 
television. Alas, the Brennans don't even own a TV set! Hell, with all the 
fucking these two lovebirds do, who would have time to watch TV?} And there's 
lots of play with the Kitten  which is the nickname for Bob and Jeanette's 
daughter.

I suppose if you have never read any of the other stories in the Brennan 
Saga, you might find this episode a bewildering place to start. However, if 
you have been enjoying each of the other episodes as they have appeared, 
you'll be likely to enjoy this one. It fills in numerous details about people 
we have grown to know and love  for example, we see the courtship of Bob and 
Jeanette (which was the topic of a separate story) from the perspective of 
Bob's mom and dad. This is the sort of thing that brings enjoyment to 
real-life families, and it makes for a very good read.

Here's what I thought was a subtle mistake: "My father has a heart condition. 
 Planning a quarrel with him violates her {Vi's} hypocritical oath." A 
"hypocritical oath" would be an insincere affirmation. The correct term is 
"Hippocratic oath," referring to Hippocrates, the putative founder of Greek 
and modern medical practice. I hesitated to make this "correction," since 
this author is usually extremely accurate in his word choice. The sentence 
could actually make sense with "hypocritical," since it would be possible 
that Bob might have been using a sarcastic pun in the designated sentence. 
{In fact, if my professor in college would have caught me with that mistake, 
that's what I would have claimed.} I sent a copy of this review to the 
author, and he assured me that the pun was intentional.

The part of the story that held my interest was how Bob and his father would 
react to Jeanette and Vi's conspiracy to terminate their overt hostility 
toward each other. I realize that has nothing to do with sex, but that should 
serve to demonstrate how good this story is. However, I hasten to add that in 
addition to the story's excellent and mature plot, the sex is tender and 
good. These two people seem to fuck as often as unmarried hedonists who are 
overwhelmed with reciprocal lust! Imagine that. Even if it is mostly licit, 
unexceptionable, intercourse between lawfully wedded husband and wife.

Ratings for "Forget All That"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Sports Illustrated" by Chris Church (cchurch@netinc.ca).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=569468692

I think this story tries to explore the question, "What if rape could be a 
spectator sport?" The woman watches a rape in the alley outside her window. 
It turns out that it's not a real rape  just one of those sweet things nasty 
men do to their sluts to prove that they love them. But to the voyeur it sure 
looks like criminal activity, and so she sits back and watches and enjoys it. 

The nice thing is that this story is so badly written that I doubt that it 
will instigate a mass demand for watching rape on live TV. We'll have to 
settle for bullfighting, I suppose.

Ratings for "Sports Illustrated"
Athena (technical quality): 5
Venus (plot & character): 4
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4

"The Former Nun" by Varangian  (Ludmax11@hotmail.com) 
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=568965196

At the age of twenty-six, Mary Kathleen has left the convent. She is 
desperate for a place to stay, and so she throws herself at the feet of her 
cousin Julie. Julie's older friend Agnes comes on to Mary Kathleen, but the 
former nun literally kicks her out of the bed. However, she lets Julie fondle 
her, although she herself remains passive.

Then she meets Julie's friend Jack Parsons, who is a reformed homosexual. The 
guy used to date younger guys; but as he has grown older and uglier, he has 
resorted to women. No kidding. So Mary Kathleen immediately falls in love 
with him and therefore goes to bed with Julie and this time responds 
actively. Then she gets a haircut and puts on some lederhosen and has Jack 
pop her cherry.

The main problem with this story is that it's too "factual"  just a bare 
description of events with little rationale and few realistic emotions. In 
addition, it just doesn't come across as something that would really happen.

Ratings for "The Former Nun"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5

"Frankie" by Emerson Laken-Palmer.
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571062264

This is a story about incest. However, unlike most of the incest stories 
you'll see in this newsgroup, it's not much of an advertisement for family 
fun. Frankie is a little girl who gets boinked first by her brothers and then 
by her father, none of whom are much concerned about Frankie or her personal 
growth. Eventually the narrator of the story meets her and fucks her in a 
kinder, gentler way. Sounds sort of like a political sound bite doesn't it?

As I read this story, it was obvious to me that Frankie's sex education, 
which came mostly from her ignorant older brother, taught her that sex was 
essentially a matter of animal rutting. I suppose a lot of kids look at sex 
that way. At any rate, Frankie grew up believing that she was an 
unattractive, natural whore.

This is not stroke material  at least not for most normal people. However, 
it is a well written, interesting story.

Ratings for "Frankie"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Every Lollipop Loves a Licking" by Erin Halfelven (Joyce@qnez.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=574462563

The narrator and her friend play a sort of Sexual Rendezvous Game. She's 
lesbian, and he's gay; but they enjoy an occasional hetero fling. So when the 
urge hits one or the other of them, he/she leaves a cryptic message for the 
other. In this case, the message is, "Every Lollipop loves a licking."

The only real sexual activity in the story is the narrator's masturbation 
while she anticipates the encounter and tries to solve the riddle. The rest 
is relatively vague anticipation. I would have liked the story better if it 
were at least possible to solve the riddle or if the anticipation were a 
little more specific.

But still, it's a nice little story.

Ratings for "Every Lollipop Loves a Licking"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7

"A Place to Call Home" by Ann Douglas (ann_douglas@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571929738
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571929742
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571943563
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571943567
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571943572

Alex is a self-employed construction worker. She travels from town to town, 
picking up occasional work where she finds it. She gets temporary work 
remodeling the old Victorian house that belongs to Marilyn Crawford, a woman 
who has recently moved to the town and who is viewed as eccentric. As a perk, 
she gets to live in the house. It's a big job, and so Alex stays a while. 
And, as you might suspect, she finds some additional perks.

A guest reviewer reviews another of Ann's stories later in this issue. That 
review is much more negative than this one. That reviewer criticizes the 
author for her indirect approach: "If we need to know that the woman is 42 or 
that she has black hair, and I'm not sure that we do, the narrator should 
either state it outright, rather than shoe-horning it into sundry sentences 
or, better yet, have the protagonist take mental inventory of herself and 
include such details. Similarly, it would be far better to say that the woman 
is very satisfied, then go on to what she was wondering in the early morning 
light." Personally, I LIKE the author's indirect approach to details. I find 
it to be a refreshing and enjoyable approach to telling a story.

I mention this mostly to acknowledge the validity of differences of opinion. 
I "employ" several guest reviewers, and I really appreciate their help. 
Without them a lot of stories would go un-reviewed. Some reviewers tend to 
agree with me and give ratings similar to my own  or at least they are based 
on the same scale. Others have outlooks or values that are quite different 
than my own, and some of them use rating systems that are at variance with my 
own. For example, I tend to give higher ratings than some reviewers.  My 
belief is that since I tend to avoid the really bad stories and to read lots 
of stories by really good authors, the ratings SHOULD be high. Other 
reviewers, however, think that on a scale of 1-10, about half the stories 
should be above 5 and about half below that mark. Some people have told me 
that I should instruct the reviewers to follow my system. I don't want to do 
that, because I appreciate and respect their independence. I think most 
readers can understand these differences. Indeed, some have written me angry 
letters telling me that they regularly ignore so-and-so's reviews. More 
often, readers just make automatic adjustments based on what they know about 
the reviewers.

A further advantage of these guest reviewers is that some of them agree to 
read stories that I just plain would not enjoy. For example, one reviewer 
enjoys bdsm and slavery stories that turn me off. I find that by sending that 
sort of story his way, I get some good reviews to publish, and I also learn 
something from examining his perspective.

So vive la difference! And if any of you want to join in as guest reviewers, 
please contact me. 

Ratings for "A Place to Call Home"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5

=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================

"The Morning After" by Ann Douglas (ann_douglas@hotmail.com). Reviewed by 
Richard Todd
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=557366882
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=557366886

The Morning After tells a fairly conventional story about a woman who wakes 
up in bed with a stranger, is bemused and finally puts him to good salacious 
use. He then conveniently disappears, leaving her with few complications.

The author does provide one twist, however. The woman has just experienced a 
serious professional humiliation and sees herself as something of a loser. 
During the scene in bed, which occupies the bulk of the story, she receives 
some solace from the thought that, drunk though she was, she was able to 
entice a man, or more exactly an adolescent boy, into her bed. The reality 
that she discovers at the end of the story is of a meaner sort and is another 
assault on her self esteem.

Before we consider how well the story is crafted, there are a few thing that 
need to be examined. Most people would agree that, for a mature woman, an 
adolescent boy's chief sexual function would be as an intelligent dildo. He 
probably has great erectile capacity, but not much to offer in the way of 
adult intimacy. And to add to the effect, the author has made the boy a 
serving-class immigrant with whom she can only converse in a few 
half-remembered words from her high school Spanish.

To put the nub of this story in perspective, imagine the sexes reversed. 
Suppose the protagonist was a middle-aged and not particularly successful man 
who discovers a teenage girl in his bed. (Of course, most people would be 
outraged at the situation, but that's not the point here.) We would see very 
clearly, in the case of a man, that anyone who needs the sexual validation he 
receives from an adolescent is, at best, a pathetic creature.

Did the author intend her protagonist to be a pathetic creature? I doubt it. 
The narrative tone is generally too warm for that. Yet, whether intentionally 
or otherwise, she dealt cruelly with her in the denouement. Thus there is an 
underlying dissonance to the story that is never resolved.

The writing is competent, with a few lapses, particularly in its narrative 
structure. The point of view is almost entirely deferred first person; it is 
written in the third person, but the text generally records the protagonist's 
thoughts, feelings and impressions. It is when it briefly wanders into true 
third person that it runs into trouble. For example, there are lines like

"It took the 42-year-old woman a few moments to fully take in her 
surroundings . . . " "All her life, the black haired woman had taken the safe 
path." "As they lay together in the early morning light, the much-satisfied 
woman wondered . . . "

If we need to know that the woman is 42 or that she has black hair, and I'm 
not sure that we do, the narrator should either state it outright, rather 
than shoe-horning it into sundry sentences or, better yet, have the 
protagonist take mental inventory of herself and include such details. 
Similarly, it would be far better to say that the woman is very satisfied, 
then go on to what she was wondering in the early morning light.

A more glaring point of view problem comes when we are suddenly told that 
Tomas wasn't a virgin but had only minimal sexual experience. While it is an 
interesting detail, this in not an authentic way of introducing it. Tomas is 
generally rendered as personally inaccessible because of the language 
difficulties and perhaps the awkwardness of the situation from his point of 
view. You can't simple throw in some intimate history like that into 
something that is otherwise someone else's story. Or rather you can, but it 
seriously weakens the narrative impact.

The scene in bed is the strongest part of the story, a few problems 
notwithstanding. The flashback and denouement are considerably weaker on 
account of their ambiguity of purpose.

This review may strike some readers as unduly severe. Yet criticism is 
worthless if it is not searching and honest. I emphasize the honest part 
because I have not been entirely happy with having to dissect the Douglas's 
work so mercilessly. I've read a number of her stories and, while I may have 
reservations about any one of them, I sense a kind of friendliness and 
generosity behind them as a whole. It strikes me that, with some work and 
discipline, she could potentially write some excellent and memorable fiction.

Technical quality: 6
Plot & character: 4
Appeal to reviewer: 5

"Adultery in the First Degree" by Phil Phantom. (Phantom@Sonny.Net). Guest 
Review by Mary Jorsay Gandmar (maryjg@finebody.com),
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=564668290

A house bursting with guests, a dozen kids. John wants Alice. John almost 
rapes Alice. Alice sorta wants it. John gives it to Alice. The kids watch, up 
close and real personal. Bill confronts Alice, mostly with his tongue in her 
still sodden vagina. She threatens to be John's sex-slave. Bill blesses the 
union. Bill is the husband, Alice is the wife, John is the neighbor. Hence 
the title. Dear god.

Okay, so the writing's competent and it's well-proofed. But for the rest - it 
isn't fun, it isn't even funny. It's just tawdry and tacky and, ultimately, 
arid - bereft of any real emotional wallop or feeling for the characters. 
What do the kids feel? We have their ages, but are they all just genome 
photocopies, without a single unique personality trait, an individual 
response? What are they saying? Isn't even ONE of the 12 horrified at seeing 
this happen in the hall? Do they all creep up for a good gander like a set of 
demented dwarves? What is this, the American Family Kinko? At some level, 
doesn't this constitute a form of child abuse given that there are kids of 
every age from 8 to 14 looking on?

John mauls Alice. She finds this "rude". Bill finds his wife and John in 
flagrante. Bill is "shocked" (who'd have guessed?). Humping John leaves, 
"quietly". Coveting the neighbor's ass is obviously de rigeur around here, 
ergo, there's not a hint of an altercation between the guys, not a word is 
said. Courteous Cuckold helps Adulteress Alice to her unsteady legs and leads 
her to the bedroom. There, the lady flings herself naked on her front thus 
affording a splendidly unimpeded view of her derriere and her "pussy leaking 
a fuck wad over the marital bedspread". "How could you?", he says, "Didn't 
you know the kids were there?". Oh my, such civility. He might as well have 
said, "Oh dear. This is most unsettling," or something similar. And then he 
puts his mouth where John's money was.

This is all so bizarre that one suspects that all these people can only be 
British. It's only the spelling that gives it away. And just why is it 
adultery 'in the first degree?' If it's meant to signify some sort of crime, 
none of these recidivists seem to think it's anything but a peccadillo. I 
guess we should expect Part 2 now, "Fornicating Al Fresco" or some such. 
Frankly, I'll pass. Reading this is like being had by Hannibal AND his 
elephants.

And before anyone out on the newsgroups starts flaming me, let me say this: I 
hated the story. You might not. Fair enough. But for heaven's sake, let's not 
have another one of those who-needs-or-reads-reviews-or-cares-what-they-feel 
debates. If you're
reacting to this review, the answer to that should be obvious.

Unrated.

"Slaves" by EZ Riter (ezriter@hotmail.com). Guest review by Dave Myers.
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=531819315

This is a brutal story, no doubt about it. Not really for the faint of heart. 
While it makes for *ok* reading, though, it is not particularly gripping in 
general. 

I'm not going to say the author squandered opportunities to make this a more 
edgy piece, because to do so would neglect the fact (on the plus side) that 
he did avoid a lot of the cliches one would expect out of a kidnap/torture 
scenario involving a girls' soccer team, a few adults, and some pretty mean 
enslavers. 

E.Z. gets the mood of the piece just right, I should say. The feeling of 
helplessness, the struggle to fight back, but not enough to upset the 
masters, the overwhelming resignment and fear that there is no turning back, 
and so on. There is true degradement of spirit in the "protagonists"  even 
without the more typical plot devices that you might be expecting in these 
situations. Like some of Zombie Night's stories, this is the part that 
crackles with energy, despite the sort of grizliness and beyond-the-pall 
attitude of the masters.

But as with many of the stories of this type, the segue into sex isn't quite 
complete. Sure, there are orgasms. Sure there is submission. Sure there is 
humiliation, etc, etc. Unfortunately, there isn't the tension and conflict 
about these events that there should be. It is really hard to write this kind 
of material. Surely the author has locked up in his head how the women feel 
at this critical point of rape and torture. Surely he wants us to know what 
"it's all about" in their heads. With a story of this length, getting in the 
head of the torturee is really the goal. It doesn't come through the way it 
should, and so I feel like I see through the story a little too much. 

So the sum of my feelings about this story boils down to: a tentative thumbs 
up, but with a definite feeling that the author has something better buried 
down deeper.

{No Rating}

"The Arrangement" by Ann Douglas (ann_douglas@hotmail.com). Guest Review by 
BillyG (hayden@mindless.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567886897
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567886902
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567886906
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567912025
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567912021
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567912020

Following a temporary retirement by Ann Douglas several years ago, it's nice 
to see her back in a.s.s.  As before, she writes with ease and facility, 
especially when dealing with women who have experienced both sides of the 
gender equation. Her stories have always had that clear image of believable 
reality and "The Arrangement" is no exception.

Pamela Jean Armstrong, the protagonist, is an attractive, even beautiful, 
24-year-old blonde who has accomplished some minor successes in life, largely 
flat on her back.  Hardly professional qualified, but not totally dumb, she 
presents herself initially as a slut-bimbo who finds herself well out on a 
breaking limb, deserted by her former boss and left as the fall girl for his 
impaired work ethics.  Just when it appears that she's going down, her 
ex-boss's replacement, Victoria Baxter, the youngest of the firm's 
Vice-Presidents, makes her an intriguing offer - one too good to pass up 
regardless of her previous sexual preferences.

Victoria emerges as a strong, moxy and accomplished professional women who, 
as it turns out, has a thing for young girls.  Just how this emerges and 
progresses is a good part of the delight of Ann's story.

The one area of the story that had a small hitch for me revolved around the 
implied dominant-submissive nature of their relationship.  Erroneously, I had 
the expectation that there was more to be developed in this story, almost as 
if there's another chapter or two in the wings.

Ann's a very good story teller and "The Arrangement" follows in her 
well-crafted tradition, an excellent balance of narrative and dialog, spiced 
by Pamela's inner thoughts.  The erotic impact of the story will, in part, be 
governed by your own preferences.  In any case, it's a cracking good story.

Ratings for "The Arrangement"
Athena (technical quality):  9.5
Venus (plot & character):   10
BillyG (appeal to reviewer):10

"My Date with a Devil" by Lady Casaloma (lacey95@hotmail.com). Guest review 
by Dave Myers.
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=574142519

This is a well-written, 'well-mannered' MF rom story with a playful touch. 

Made from the stuff from which harlequins are wrought, at first glance the 
author appears to going for the 'cute' angle. It feels a little contrived at 
the beginning, a little Ally McBeal. But after a while, the character settles 
in and gets down to some fun. 

The basic twist is that the 'Devil' teases the female lead by keeping her at 
the point of orgasm, but not allowing her over the edge. A number of nice, 
but familiar devices are used to keep it flowing. Unfortunately, most readers 
will find that the author could have sustained this for a longer period 
still, and this would have made for a more rewarding experience. It feels 
like we're let off the hook a little too soon somehow.

Overall, this story could use some... I don't know. Polish is not the right 
word... but that's on the right track. What saves it is the fresh voice and 
playfulness. Perhaps the seduction aspect can be played up a little more?

=====================
Reposted Reviews:
=====================

* "Forget All That" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). 
{See above}

I suppose the main characteristic of the sexual activity in Uther Pendragon's 
stories is that it is both delightfully arousing and arousingly delightful.  
In addition, the sexual activity is a perfectly natural part of each story.  
We don't read about sexual athletes or people under the mystical influence of 
mind control; we read about people like ourselves or our parents twenty or 
fifty years ago.  It turns out we might have been interesting and sexy people.

And then we have the aphorisms - adages that would make Benjamin Franklin 
proud. 

**** "There is room for two in a twin bed, you need a double bed 
for two and a wet spot.

**** "Daughters and husbands both create messes, but my daughter and my 
husband are both worth it."

This chapter in the Brennan saga is written from Jeanette's perspective, and 
it includes her perfect description of her perfect man: "His puns are 
execrable, his vocabulary can make me blush, he thinks that passing gas is 
funny, his version of vacuuming a carpet isn't worth plugging the machine in, 
he can out-stubborn a cat without even trying.  He will, however, hug me when 
I need it without my telling him why I need it.  And no, you can't have him." 
When you mix that sort of thing with discussions of family finances, 
parenting skills, French phrases that are easily transparent to 
non-francophiles, and really hot and tender sex, the result is a darned good 
story.

As this story begins, Bob and Jeanette have now been married for ten years.  
Imagine that. The Kitten (their daughter) is not yet a year old.  They have 
returned to Bob's parents' house to celebrate Christmas and to make this 
story eligible for the Celestial Christmas Story Contest.  The story is a 
remarkable combination of current activities and flashbacks to Bob's and 
Jeanette's earlier lives together and apart.  I laughed and I cried and visite
d my own version of Bob for orgasmic and comic relief.  What more can a girl 
ask for in a story?

The story is long on "relationships" - in this case with a focus on the 
relationship between Bob and his family.  In addition, within this line of 
thought the author gives us sometimes lengthy digressions on complex topics.  
For example, we get a complex lecture on economics from Bob's father.  This 
is boring - but that's the point: the old man goes off onto perplexing 
tangents, but that's part of his personality.  I think it is always difficult 
to deal with relevant but extraneous information in a story where the readers 
will be looking for erotic impact.  I suppose this author could improve, but 
I think he already does a pretty good job.  My advice is, if you find 
yourself reading a paragraph that sounds way too complex, just read it 
without trying to understand all the details.  There's a good chance the 
author is just trying to give the impression that the characters are having 
complex thoughts - he's probably not really trying to teach you any French or 
economic theory.

As in many other episodes of the "For" stories, the author throws in 
tantalizing details that make us wonder, "What was that all about?"  For 
example, in this episode Bob and Jeanette visit her family as well as Bob's.  
The details of that visit led me to suspect that Jeanette had been subjected 
to some form of childhood sexual abuse from which Bob wants to protect his 
wife and his daughter.  The author handles this kind of innuendo extremely 
well. [The author later informed me that Jeanette was subjected to some 
emotional neglect and emotional abuse. There wasn't any sexual abuse.  Dave 
is simply bad news. I'm really not certain that comes across clearly in the 
saga  but then I might be reading imperfectly. ]

Penultimately, let me give you non-francophiles some free help.  Bob and 
Jeanette are long on puns.  The main pun in this episode occurs whenever the 
baby says, "Oooh."  Each time this happens Bob immediately replies (often in 
French), "No, it's not August; it's December."  Ya see - The French word for 
August sounds remotely like "Oooh," and since Jeanette is a student of 
French.... 

Finally, please note that the story has been reposted in revised form, and 
the revised form is reviewed earlier in this issue of CR.

Ratings for "Forget All That"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "The Mommies" by Al Steiner (al_steiner@hotmail.com). Guest review by 
BillyG (hayden@mindless.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=453994656

   I'm an Al Steiner fan and one of the things I like about his style is the 
care he takes in setting up the players and the situation, establishing 
believable, three-dimensional people. In his offering, "The Mommies," I was a 
bit side tracked by this very device. 

   Oh, the plot's artfully straight foreword. The protagonist is a medium 
successful writer, married with two little girls, seemingly in a stable 
relationship. By a bizarre twist he becomes a single, divorced man. It's 
worth reading just for that unexpected turn and sufficiently compelling that 
I thought of it more as the beginning of a powerful story in its own right 
and not, as it appears to be, the setup or prologue to the plot that 
eventually develops.

   It seems odd that such a strong plot line serve no other purpose than to 
set up why the protagonist is single with two little girls and consequently 
be acceptable to the other "mommies" in the local park. The last part of the 
story works well. The first part of the story works very well, and while 
they're clearly connected, somehow theirs disconnect between them.

   In spite of that criticism, I liked the story and it's worth your 
attention.

Ratings for "The Mommies"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10 
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 9

* "The Bandit" by Mike Metlay. (posted by atomic@tesser.com). Guest review by 
Piper
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=568088440

In Western civilized cultures, there is a place separate from the so-called 
real world; a place where young and old meet, where learning from books and 
learning of life mix, where ideas and ideals are sometimes more important 
than the people who hold them. We call these places universities.

The Bandit is a student in a place called Arcadia. This story covers the last 
year and a half or so of his academic life. We don't learn much about his 
studying or courses, though of course such things must take place (there's 
only a few minor mentions of these matters). Instead, we read about him, his 
friends and acquaintances, their shifting relationships, and the slow 
unveiling of their inner personalities.

The Bandit is an intelligent young man with a libido that won't quit (like 
many young men), but with a problem -- an inner voice that tells him about 
right and wrong, and why he shouldn't do certain things that seem like good 
ideas at the time. Think of Hawkeye from TV's _Mash_, with less joking, but 
with a fair flair for music, especially bass guitar. Women and sex do not 
occupy his every waking moment. He's got a real life.

Some of the other folks involved are: Zero, the skinny, easygoing guy with 
the oversized shlong, who makes the girls crazy with lust; Mary Magdalene, 
the slightly oversized sexpot with a killer kiss and an absolutely 
over-the-top thing for The Rainbow Wizard, a cancer survivor who turned a 
mystic bent, all to hide his mind games and manipulations; Diva, another 
somewhat oversexed lady looking for a not-totally-meaningful relationship; 
Twink, who is honest, forthright, wears her heart on her sleeve, but is so 
painfully naive it hurts, and who eventually learns to share her boyfriend 
with one girl, her fiance with another girl, and herself with yet another 
girl (all at the same time!); Conan, the musclebound nice guy who hasn't got 
a clue as to what he's really all about.

And there's still Starch, Lanky, Flower, Livewire ...

While I read the story, I slowly came to the realization that all of the 
protagonists were distilled essences of character types. What made them live 
for me were the real situations and their believable reactions. I could see 
people I know doing the same things, but maybe not for the same reasons. Like 
an onion (a very over-used metaphor, I know), there is layer upon layer of 
misdirection and misunderstanding.

Look below the surface in this story. It won't grip you by the gonads, 
despite the fair sprinkling of sex, but it will, eventually, take over your 
mind, infesting you with thoughts about the characters themselves.  Whoever 
the author is, he (or she) wrote a very intelligent, imaginative slice of 
life.

(My personal favorite character is Twink, but I don't think she'd settle for 
me. I'm probably a bit too much of the one-man-one-woman kind of guy for her.)

This is another long (275k) story.

Ratings for "The Bandit"
      Technical merit    10
      Plot and character 10
      Appeal to reviewer 10

<end>

-- 
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
+---------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| alt.sex.stories.moderated ----- send stories to: <story-submit@asstr.org> |
| FAQ: <http://assm.asstr.org/faq.html>  Moderator: <story-admin@asstr.org> |
+---------------------------------------------------------------------------+
|Archive: <http://assm.asstr.org> Hosted by Alt.Sex.Stories Text Repository |
|<http://www.asstr.org>, an entity supported entirely by donations.         |
+---------------------------------------------------------------------------+


