Celestial Reviews 52 - Jan 13, 1996

Note:  The proofreading service is in full operation, and people are 
reporting successful use of it.  IF YOU WANT FREE HELP AND FEEDBACK 
BEFORE POSTING A STORY, contact me, and I'll match you up with some of 
the reviewers.  Remember: you're not admitting to being a "bad writer" 
by asking for a proofreader.  Everyone can benefit from having someone 
to help with their work.  Please note, however, that this proofreading 
service is loosely organized.  I think the proofreaders are doing a 
good job; but if you get a proofreader that seems to have forgotten 
that you exist - or if you get an assignment to proofread for someone 
who never corresponds with you - either be patient or contact me for a 
new arrangement.

- Celeste

      "Recommendation" by Deirdre (sex slavery & 
            housekeeping) 10
      "Retreat" by Deirdre (dominance & submission) 9
      "Reward" by Deirdre (sex slavery) 7
      "An Ode to Celeste; or, Meeting the Muse" by Ted (sex with
            a.s.s. critic) 10
      "Cheating Heart" by Ann Douglas (hot ff sex) 10
      "Send All Niggers...." by various Neanderthals (spam) 1 
      "Room 6" by McAlister Baine (Twilight Zone TG) 10
      "The Shimmer" by The Forbidden (magic & mind control) 7

"Recommendation" by Deirdre.  Joan has a spotless house, which is the 
envy of her friend.  This friend decides to hire the same cleaning 
girl.  At the end of the first paragraph I have figured out the plot of 
the story: the cleaning girl has turned Joan into a sex slave and now 
forces Joan to clean her own house in return for being allowed to lick 
the cleaning girl's cunt.  The cleaning girl will impose the same 
conditions on the friend.

I was pretty close!  Note quite, but close enough.  Even if you know 
all this ahead of time, I think you'll still enjoy the story.  (Rating: 
10)

"Retreat" by Deirdre.  The man and his wife were hiking in a secluded 
area, when they were surprised to see a group of women hikers.  I 
reread this part carefully.  Nope, the hikers were not naked; every one 
of them was wearing shorts and sneakers.  I checked the first lines of 
the story.  Yes, it was by Deirdre.  I was confused.  Why were these 
damsels walking fully clothed through a forest in a Deirdre story?  Why 
was no one carrying a whip?  How could they have anal intercourse with 
all those clothes on?  I surmised that maybe they were being forced to 
take a hike fully clothed as a form of humiliation.  I decided to read 
on.

Aha!  In the next paragraph there are fifty men standing naked in a 
parking lot!  Now the story makes sense.  Behind each man is a woman 
with a whip.  As you have probably guessed by now, this was one of 
those retreats that are so popular among yuppy lawyers - sort of a 
marriage encounter group where the men get naked in the great outdoors 
and let their significant other females beat and humiliate them.  The 
woman likes the idea so much that she promises her husband that she'll 
suck his cock if he'll please go on the retreat with her.  At this 
point I thought I had the whole story figured out, but I was wrong: 
there were some interesting twists in the plot yet to come.  (Rating: 
9)

"Reward" by Deirdre.  What there is of this story is well written; 
there just isn't much to it.  The woman has the guy doing lots of 
things that he wouldn't like to do in order to be allowed to have sex 
with her.  She apparently gets rewarded herself by the mysterious John.  
My parents always told me I had to eat my spinach before I could have 
my desert, but Deirdre's lady manages to reverse this order 
effectively.  (Rating: 7)

"An Ode to Celeste; or, Meeting the Muse" by Ted 
(an477638@anon.penet.fi).  This is a story by a depraved author who 
desperately wants a "10."  Since he can't literally become my sex 
slave, he has decided to literarily become my sex slave.  That is, he 
has tried to flatter and seduce me by writing a sexy story about me.  
If this is his goal, this is a very successful story.  I AM flattered.  
I also feel that I'm in danger of becoming a cult figure.  Next, we'll 
be having the "Rocky Horror Celeste Show," during which authors of sex 
stories will gather in chat rooms and fantasize about me while they 
engage in festive sexual acrobatics and proofread one another's 
stories.  Actually, that's not a bad idea....

As I read this story, I found myself getting really turned on.  So I 
said to myself, "This is unfair.  I may be subconsciously giving this 
author an advantage because it is my pussy he is massaging with his 
tongue."  So I took my word processor and changed "Celeste" to "Sue" 
throughout the story.  It was still a very hot and sexy story.  I read 
it again with "Deirdre" inserted, and it was still hot.

The premise of this story is that in order to write such insightful 
reviews, Yours Truly would have to (1) "know the language pretty good" 
and (2) do considerable personal research on amorous activities.  I'm 
pretty sure the author was kidding with that "pretty good" bit (It 
should be "well," not "good."), but he wisely focuses on the research 
aspect of the critic's life.  His theory is that Celeste maintains a 
cabin in a secluded mountain area where she goes to check out possibly 
fraudulent story lines with sexy young men whom she solicits through 
the Internet.  A young man named Ted shows up for his appointment with 
fate and is invited to join his predecessor in exchanging pleasures 
with the Grammar Goddess of Usenet.  It really is a hot, well-written 
story.

What made me nervous about this was how close it came to reality - 
fantasy reality, that is, not real reality.  I mean, this author hit on 
some of the ways I really do like to do it and some of the ways I 
really do fantasize doing it.  For example, what could be sexier than 
looking out a window at a beautiful mountain peek while a hot tongue 
lapped away between my legs and flying toasters wafted across the 
screen of the Performa at my bedside?  Has my husband been kissing and 
telling?  Has he taken up anonymous posting under the improbable 
pseudonym of "Ted"?  Or maybe it's possible that Ted and I both happen 
to like what a lot of people like; and if so, you'll certainly enjoy 
this story.   A word of caution.  If anyone purporting to be Celeste 
sends you e-mail that invites you to spend a weekend in a mountain 
retreat being my sextoy, it's really not me.  I do this about as often 
as AOL officials really ask for user passwords across cyberspace.  
(Rating: 10)

"Cheating Heart" by Ann Douglas.  An aerobics instructor finds herself 
attracted to a much younger Japanese woman who drops in for her class 
one evening.  Their attraction is mutual, and the two spend some very 
enjoyable time together.  The title is based on the idea that the 
aerobics instructor is already involved in a relationship with another 
woman, who is out of town on a prolonged business trip.  That aspect is 
so under-developed as to make the title almost silly.  Just ignore the 
title, and you'll find that this is another excellent story by Ann 
Douglas.  (Rating: 10)

"Send All Niggers...." by various Neanderthals.  Our newsgroup has been 
hit by a barrage of racist postings.  My first reaction was to respond 
with "Screw you!"; but then I realized that on this newsgroup that 
might be taken as a compliment.  

The most sensible way to deal with people who are shouting stupidly to 
get our attention is to ignore them.  However, the problem becomes more 
complex when it seems that others may be listening and that good people 
may be offended.  Some of the messages that have responded to these 
foolish postings have been truly articulate.  I don't want to put 
myself in a position where silence suggests agreement.

A large number of white people look at these racist remarks and feel 
disgusted by them but they see no real harm in them.  "Why don't black 
people ignore them?  I know I would." or "These comments are no worse 
than dumb blonde jokes or Polack jokes." or "My brother makes fun of me 
all the time and I know it's just his way of showing affection!"  The 
problem, of course, is that throughout our history Americans have 
showed a pattern of treating black people very badly, and all black 
people are aware that these sentiments are widely shared by elitist 
Americans or by people whose own inadequacies compel them to enhance 
their own self status by keeping others "in their place."  I honestly 
don't know how to handle these racist idiots.  On the one hand, 
replying to their stupid comments gives them a status they don't 
deserve; and so it makes sense to ignore them.  On the other hand, if 
these statements go unchallenged, people visiting our newsgroup may 
believe that these beliefs are widely shared here; and so it seems to 
be necessary to challenge them.  My own reaction is going to be to 
respond by evaluating the entertainment value of these statements.

I suppose you can all see the irony of what's happening here.  Our 
group, of course, consists primarily of highly intelligent people who 
enjoy good literature that evokes a lust for life.  In addition, there 
are a few horny adolescents who need something to think about while 
they masturbate.  Among the authors who post stories in our newsgroup 
we include avowed pedophiles, rapists, and every manner of sadistic sex 
criminal claiming in their halting prose to be describing "true" 
experiences.  Yet these racist postings make even our most inarticulate 
authors look literate!

One of the beauties of our newsgroup is our focus on pure sex - and I 
don't mean that as an oxymoron.  For all I know, SueNH or Ann Douglas 
may really be Newt Gingrich or Tipper Gore.  They may be black or white 
or even French.  When I read a good story, I don't know or care about 
the race or ethnicity of the author; I just take the work at face value 
and enjoy reading a good story.  

And so I wonder why our racist correspondents post on this newsgroup at 
all.  The answer, of course, is that they have found a list somewhere 
that says this is one of the most widely read newsgroups, and they want 
to share their "wisdom" with as large a group as possible.  These 
people are mostly outsiders.  Perhaps they'll actually read some of our 
stories and learn to do something useful to replace their inane 
utterances. Perhaps they'll learn to masturbate or to sodomize one 
another.

I do have one genuine race-related concern for our newsgroup.  I have 
noticed that a large number of stories (almost none of which I have 
discussed in Celestial Reviews) describe white women being raped by 
black men.  Usually the woman winds up enjoying it (as is more often 
than not the case in bdsm fantasy stories).  My problem is that I 
rarely see a case of interracial sex that presents the partners in a 
perspective of dignity and equality.  The exceptions that pop into my 
mind are a story by SueNH that described a relationship between a white 
woman and an ancient Native American warrior/priest and a couple of 
stories by Ann Douglas that described relationships between American 
and oriental women.  (Science fiction stories sidestep the issue by 
employing characters from different planets; my favorite female is the 
bisexual heroine in Tie Fighter with a special muscle in her cunt.)

Of course, nearly half the stories I have reviewed don't even mention 
the race of the protagonists; and so readers can picture the characters 
in any way they wish.

My concern is this: why are there so few stories that focus on the 
beauty of a sexual relationship between black and white persons?  I 
have friends who are in mixed-race marriages; and aside from the 
problems imposed on them by racists in their environment, they seem to 
be as normal as anyone else.  I guess it's also possible that since our 
stories focus very heavily on sex, anything "extra" (like real 
personalities or ethnic background) necessarily gets omitted.  Maybe 
the stories are out there and I just haven't seen them.  If so, I'd 
appreciate it if someone would call them to my attention. 

Meanwhile, it is my hope that these spammers knock it off.  They won't, 
of course, because they think they have an audience.  I wish they would 
go out and masturbate and tell us about their experiences.  This is a 
newsgroup for serious readers and for sexual perverts; we have no room 
for non-sexual perverts whose only means of expressing their sexual 
inadequacies is by making stupid statements that tend to exacerbate 
interracial hostility.  I hope other writers do not feel offended, but 
I have no other way to deal with this drivel than by giving it my 
lowest rating.  (Rating: 1)

"Room 6" by McAlister Baine.  By walking through a tunnel that 
mysteriously appears in a department store's changing room, a man 
suddenly finds himself in another world - a world in which he himself 
occupies a beautiful woman's body.  As the story progresses, we learn 
that as the man (Gene) moved into the woman's body and universe, and 
that the woman (Jean) simultaneously moved into his place in his world.  
Eventually, he leaves the dressing room in her body, and we presume 
that she has done the same.  It's hard to predict what will happen 
next, but I am eager to find out.  This is an exceptionally well 
written start to a story.  I eagerly look forward to more.  (Rating: 
10)

"The Shimmer" by The Forbidden (an123595@anon.penet.fi).  A young man 
dreams about finding an amulet.  During the dream, he cuts himself.  
When he awakens he discovers he actually has the cut on his leg.  After 
some brief sex with his girlfriend, he goes for a walk in the woods 
with her and finds himself re-enacting parts of the dream.  He finds 
the amulet, and it bestows magical powers of mind control.  Under the 
influence of the amulet his girlfriend will do anything for him; both 
she and he enjoy the sex tremendously.  But what does all this really 
mean?  Can he really have anything he wants.  He becomes preoccupied, 
ignoring the teacher during his classes.  (So this is what happens to 
my students - preoccupied with sex, ignoring the teacher, counting on 
magic to get them through my tests....) 

The title refers to the way things sometimes "shimmer," - vision begins 
to blur, objects seem to grow and shrink in size, and colors start to 
shift.  (You may have used the word in the context of a "shimmering 
sunset.") It's a relatively normal phenomenon that leads to natural 
hallucinations, but in this story they are associated with the onset of 
magical powers.

Like the preceding story, this one is not yet complete.  A major 
difference between the two (aside from their content) is that "Room 6" 
did a much better job of getting me to buy into an obviously 
unrealistic situation and make me wonder what's going to happen next.  
The present story has more explicit sex in the early chapters ("Room 6" 
has no real sex - just a little fondling of the new self), but my 
anticipation is that "Room 6" will eventually be the hotter of the two.  
I say this not to put down the present story, but rather to try to 
bring into focus the nebulous differences between the two.  I think the 
difference is mostly a matter of (1) timing and (2) management of 
improbability.

The timing in "Room 6" was excellent - the author seemed to be raising 
questions at just the right time, tantalizing me with them for a while, 
and then either answering them or making me willing to wait a while 
longer.  In the present story, I felt more as if the author wanted me 
to plunge ahead to see what would happen next.  This story is by no 
means terrible, but there was something lacking in my anticipation as I 
moved through the story.

By "management of improbability" I mean the way the author deals with 
my reaction to the feeling that "this could never happen...."  A good 
author wants me to conclude that thought with, "....but I'll buy into 
this idea for the time being."  An extremely weak story, on the other 
hand, leaves me with a "Yeah, right" reaction - followed by a guffaw.  
For reasons that are hard to explain, "Room 6" made me willing to buy 
into the author's premise.  The present story did not bring out the 
"Yeah, right!" reaction or the guffaw - at least not yet; but the 
author has failed to convince me that this is all going to make good 
sense in the end.  Part of the difference lies in the author's 
comparative abilities to anticipate the objections that I (or other 
readers) will raise to the irregular happenings; and part of the 
difference may lie in something that's hard to explain about being a 
really good writer.

Anyway, I found this story interesting; but I am still a bit in a fog 
about what's happening.  I think readers who enjoy magical stories may 
find this much more interesting than I did.  It's a pretty good story - 
but I think it may be one that should have been posted all at once 
after it was finished, rather than being serialized like this.  
(Rating: 7)

 
