Celestial Reviews 71 - Mar 20, 1996

Note:  I am now using a rating system which gives each story three 
discrete ratings.  These are explained in more detail in my FAQ, but 
here is a summary.

Athena Rating.  This rating covers such matters as grammar, spelling, 
formatting, and creative use of the language.  A story with essentially 
no serious grammar, spelling, or usage problems will receive a rating 
of 8.  To get a rating of 9 or 10, the author will have to do something 
creative with the language.  

Venus Rating.  This rating describes such matters as plot and character 
development.  

Celeste Rating.  This rating describes how much I myself liked the 
story.  

- Celeste

      "A Study in Contrast" by Rachel (casual liaison) 3, 4, 2
      "Vancouver Diary" by Mark Aster (hot orgy with mild
             bondage) 10, 10, 10
      " Room With A View" by L.A. Man (immature voyeurism)
            3, 5, 1
      "Blind Date" by RC (ff sex) 10, 10, 10
      "Racy Lady" by RC (ff sex & auto racing) 10, 10, 10
      "Heat" by Mark Aster (hot sex with lady cop) 10, 10, 10
      "Who's the Boss" by Unknown Author (mindless sex) 3, 2, 1
      "On the Dock" by Sue (exhibitionism & voyeurism) 10, 10, 
             10
      "Raped Teen Burglar" by TEX (rape) 10, 10, 10

"A Study in Contrast" by Rachel (an544148@anon.penet.fi).  The heroine 
of this story wants to make love to a black man.  This is not an 
egalitarian or aesthetic concern; she just thinks it would be daring or 
animalistic.  She gets her opportunity and lays careful plans to do it 
with a bartender.  Of course, being black, he has an 8-inch penis 
(prior to arousal, I think) and is eager to stick it into white women.  
(Incidentally, when authors describe the "thickness" of a penis, I wish 
they'd specify diameter or perimeter, inflated or deflated; it makes a 
difference, you know!)  Anyhow, the guy fucks her, and it's better than 
anything she ever had before.  She'll probably never do it again, but 
she has achieved a lifetime ambition.

I don't like stories that demand that I believe that there's something 
animalistic about people of another race.  I have it on really good 
authority that blacks and whites copulate with approximately equal 
skill and animalism.  I'm sure some white women get turned on by black 
men and that some black men stick it to white women with additional 
vigor; but this has something to do with value systems, not biological 
differences.  If you grant that "animalistic black fucks naive white 
girl" is a really good story line, you might want to rate this plot a 
couple of points higher than I did.  

This story purports to be about "contrasts"; and I was disappointed, 
because I was looking, I suppose, for some raunchy cultural 
anthropology or an aesthetic analysis of how skin colors blend in the 
candlelight.  In addition, the text was full of distracting spelling 
and grammar errors, as well as formatting problems (paragraph markers 
in the middle of words) that drove me crazy.

Ratings for "A Study in Contrast"
Athena (technical quality): 3
Venus (plot & character): 4
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 2

"Vancouver Diary" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com).  In Mark Aster's 
fantasy world vaccines against AIDS and pregnancy are safe and common, 
and casual sex with strangers is not suicidally stupid.  And usually he 
is sitting up in bed, awake for no particular reason, admiring Julie, 
who is half covered by the white cotton sheet, lying naked next to him, 
eyes closed, body curled in innocent sleep.  Or something very much 
like that.  Some day I'm going to get tired of these images.  But not 
yet.

The variation in this plot is that the main storyline is taken from 
Julie's diary.  She goes about two days without sex and then engages in 
an orgy, in which she is the playful target of bondage.  When a 
friendly onlooker comments that sex of that sort must be humiliating, 
Julie replies that bondage isn't an essential part of sex for her - 
just a nice add-on.  And then she proves her point to him.  
Emphatically.

The Vancouver atmosphere was a romantic turn-on for me. I liked the 
casual way the author wove it into the background.  If you've spent all 
your life in Sulphur Springs or Clyde, and have never been on a boat in 
the Inlet at Vancouver, you may not enjoy this story as much as I did.  
But give it a try!

Ratings for "Vancouver Diary"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Room With A View" by L.A Man (Room With A View).  Don't confuse this 
story with the one with the same title by Ann Douglas.  That one is 
literate and has a sensible plot.  This one is about a college kid who 
uses a mirror to spy on women urinating, wiping their asses, and taking 
showers.  I guess if you want a really detailed description of a method 
that probably wouldn't work anyway, this might be a good story.  The 
most thrilling part of this story came when the guy almost bumped his 
head.  Now that's excitement!

Ratings for "Room With A View"
Athena (technical quality): 3
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 1

"Blind Date" by RC (74734.271@CompuServe.COM).  Our sexy narrator is 
seated at a bar with a really boring blind date.  Suddenly, they are 
joined at their table by two stunningly beautiful lesbians, and she is 
much more attracted to them than she is to the guy she came with.  He 
wants to leave, but she wants to stay.  Interesting premise!  I don't 
want to tell you any more of the plot.  If you like the set-up, you'll 
enjoy this well-written, sexy story.  I certainly did!

Ratings for "Blind Date"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Racy Lady" by RC (74734.271@CompuServe.COM).  The title is a pun.  
Colleen is an auto race addict (a racy lady).  One day she watches a 
particularly exciting race and is amazed to discover that the driver of 
the winning car is a sexy young woman her own age (a doubly racy lady). 
They're gonna fuck after the race, right?  Wrong, Colleen joins Julie's 
pit crew.  There's a lot of build-up in this story.  Colleen is 
initially turned off to the idea of sex with a woman, but Julie is 
obviously hot for her body.  I don't know whether this should be 
labeled seduction or romance, but it was a really good story.

I had never read a story before by this author.  I'm going to watch for 
more.  The title lines usually begin with RC.  Watch for them!

Ratings for "Racy Lady"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Heat" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com).  Oh, shit!  Now we've got 
lesbians on the police force!  Well, not really - just a healthy 
bisexual who is willing to have a good time with a friendly citizen or 
two on her beat.  This is a very hot story.  I have sort of half a 
resolution to make it a little harder for this author to keep getting 
all these high ratings.  So after I read the first part of this story, 
I was ready to zap him: "The author is simply using the uniform implied 
by the title to titillate readers with a story that has nothing to do 
with police officers."  I could lower his rating in the final two 
categories to at least 9.

This fascination with women in uniform was something I could 
understand.  Several years ago on Halloween, I had to take the kids 
door to door.  They wanted me to wear a costume, and I went as a cop.  
I did nothing kinky on the streets: I wore the entire costume and kept 
the equipment on my belt; and the kids enjoyed it.  However, I really 
got my money's worth after the kids went to bed, when I arrested the 
cowpoke with an arrow through his head who had been passing out goodies 
at our own house.
 
In spite of my own fascination with the sexual potential of officers of 
the law, I figure the irrelevance factor should be good enough to bring 
this story down to maybe a 10, 9, 9.  Except it turned out not to be 
true, as Sondra frisked Our Hero in the alley before they eventually 
consummated the act on the hood of the police car.  Hot story!

Ratings for "Heat"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Who's the Boss" by Unknown Author.  Facing a slight slowdown in the 
number of stories sent to me by authors, I decided to look for an 
interesting title in the postings.  This one sounded like it might be a 
parody of the popular American sitcom where Tony Danza and his daughter 
live with his boss, while he serves as her housekeeper and they fall in 
love with each other.  Wrong.  The story is actually about two female 
roommates. The narrator (Nancy) describes Lisa this way: "She is like a 
whore.  (Yet, she looks every bit as classy and innocent and elegant as 
I do).  She hangs out with a bunch of guys, she has already slept with 
the whole Football team, I think.  She pays visits to some professors 
at night, coming back with an "A" in the course."  Then later Nancy 
adds, "... it is uprising to me that she is preserving herself for one 
man."  Go figure!  There's one for Jackie's Bloopers.

Nancy herself is "gorcious" and has a boyfriend named either Rick or 
Risk, but Lisa is trying to steal him for herself. (Nancy overlooks the 
fact that since Risk is on the Football team, this may already be a 
fait accompli.)  Risk gets Nancy drunk and prepares to fuck her, 
commencing with this dialogue:

  - Rick, are you crazy?  This is like, the first time, and you just 
ripped of my blouse!!  Be nice.
  - OK, honey.  Sorry about that.

Actually, maybe I was wrong about the sitcom parody. I CAN imagine Tony 
Danza saying that.  Anyway, I read both parts that were posted, but I 
think there may be even more.  If it gets any better, somebody should 
let me know.

Ratings for "Who's the Boss"
Athena (technical quality): 3
Venus (plot & character): 2
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 1

"On the Dock" by Sue (SueNH@AOL.com).  Sue goes off for a solitary 
vacation in the forests of Maine.  Certain that she is alone, she does 
the furry wild thing solo by the side of the lake and falls asleep.  
She is awakened by the sound of the voices of a couple who have been 
observing her from a nearby cabin.  She feigns sleep and watches them 
make love on their dock.  Afterwards, they join her with the promise of 
additional mutually hot sex.

Sue does her usual good job of describing sexual activities in vivid 
detail and of making the sex fit in perfectly with the mood set by the 
environment.  This is another excellent story.

Ratings for "On the Dock"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Raped Teen Burglar" by TEX.  A writer who called himself the Bashful 
Pervert recently posted a message in which he severely lambasted an 
author of one of my Top 100 Stories for 1995. He referred to TEX as a 
self-righteous asshole who couldn't distinguish between fantasy and 
reality.  As you may recall, TEX took a story posted by someone else 
and added an "ending" that gave the story an entirely different impact.  
My own opinion of "Raped Teen Burglar" is that TEX's revision is one of 
the most literate and realistic stories that have ever appeared on 
a.s.s.  

In the original story, a young man catches a teenage girl burglarizing 
his apartment; and as a "punishment" he has a good ole time with her.  
The original story ends with an assertion by the rapist that he'll be 
boinking her on a regular basis from now on.  TEX's part of the story 
begins with "Or so he thought!" and continues with the arrest of the 
rapist and his subsequent gang-rape in prison.  TEX's part of the story 
could stand on its own as a good story; but what makes it beautiful is 
the contrast to the original half.  TEX uses almost the exact words of 
the original author, but he turns them against the rapist rather than 
the teenage girl.  In addition, TEX turns the inarticulate driveling of 
the original author into a literate presentation of graphic details.

TEX is simultaneously engaging in satire and naturalism.  (Maybe he's 
John Steinbeck reincarnated - living in a literary commune in Sulphur 
Springs.)  The term "naturalism" refers to the idea of presenting a 
story in graphic detail so that real life comes across as "more real" 
than it really is.  That definition will get you a C- (That's 
pronounced C minus.  It has nothing to do with a programming language.) 
in most college courses; but I got it from an excellent professor (with 
whom I did not have sex), and I like it.  We've had other examples of 
naturalism on this newsgroup, and some of them have been well written 
(e.g., Dafney DeWitt's "Spare Change" and - to a lesser extent - 
"Captured" by TorTress).  I see nothing wrong with authors writing from 
this persepctive.

The Bashful Pevert was particularly upset because the theme of the 
original story brought back memories of a lover with whom he had played 
out a 'burglar gets caught and raped' fantasy."  He had told her that 
he had the story, and she was very excited to read it, saying that that 
scene was the hottest netsex that she had ever had. Because of TEX's 
perverse distortion of the story, the Bashful Pervert now felt he had 
to tell her that "some fuckhead who couldn't distinguish fantasy from 
reality had found it necessary to ruin the story."  Chill out, Mr. 
Pervert.  No such radical step is necessary.  Just clip off TEX's 
ending of the story and you'll have exactly what the original author 
wrote.  Ship the original story to your friend, and she'll never be any 
the wiser.  If she comlains that the story has an unrealistic ending, 
that's the original author's fault.

After I wrote this review, I found another posting on a.s.s. from 
somebody named Escamilio, agreeing with the Bashful Pervert: "'TEX' is 
a total self-righteous asshole. And how come 'TEX' considers it OK to 
brutally rape a male prisoner but not to rape a female criminal? 'All 
out of proportion' indeed!"  I think the irony here is fabulous.  TEX 
has never suggested that raping a male prisoner is OK; all he has done 
is put the two sets of events back to back.  What is happening is that 
people who think it would be fun and games to rape a teenager suddenly 
find themselves betrayed when they find their "hero" getting raped 
himself - "when they had been set up to look for more of the same."  
The fault, dear Perverts, is in the eyes of the reader, not in the 
words of the author.

Incidentally, I do believe that TEX engages in a bit of a Polyanna 
ending when he says the girl grew up to be a normally happy, well-
adjusted adult. But so what?  Some of the most popular stories on 
a.s.s. do a similar Polyanna routine when they present adults fucking 
children or people becoming sex slaves with absolutely no ill effects 
on anyone's personality.  Chill out.  It's just a string of words.

If TEX is a self-righteous asshole, I wish more SRA's would react like 
he has.  He has not demanded that a.s.s. be shut down.  Quite the 
contrary, he has joined us and chosen to fight us on our own terms.  
What he has done is to say: "This story was unrealistic.  Here's the 
full story.  Now see how you like it."  These two readers did not like 
it at all.  The reason.  Why, because some SRA has had the nerve to 
point out that turning an unconvicted thief into a lifelong sex slave 
may not be all the fun that it's cracked up to be!  That's a far step 
from those SRA's who want to close us down.

Using my current rating system, I would have rated the original story 
5, 8, 1.  It was very badly written; but it did represent a good 
attempt at the typical burglar gets caught and raped theme.  On the 
other hand, I disliked it because it came across to me as 
extraordinarily simplistic.  TEX's revision gets straight 10's.  I DO 
think that TEX became excessively moralistic at the very end of the 
story; but I am going to forgive him for that.  (Maybe he wants to 
publish the story in his church bulletin and he was afraid that the 
little old ladies of the congregation would be shocked if he wasn't 
really explicit about the moral of his story.)  The Bashful Pervert's 
reaction shows me that TEX has accomplished his goal; he has taken 
almost the exact words and plot of the original author and has 
fiendishly turned it around to achieve an entirely different effect.

I was drawn to review this story this second time by the Bashful 
Pervert's flame of TEX in a.s.s.  It annoys me to see an author 
denounced as an asshole or fuckhead simply because he has posted a 
story at variance with the critic's own value system.  I am used to 
such flames from the Real Assholes and Fuckheads (the people who want 
to close down sex stories on the Internet), but I would hope that we of 
all people would show a larger degree of courtesy to people whose 
values differ from our own.  TEX apparently has the "personality 
deficit" of disliking exploitive sexual activities.  Instead of flaming 
the original author or demanding that our newsgroup be abolished and 
all its readers consigned to eternal damnation, he has responded by 
writing us a damned good story.  I think we should thank him for that.

Ratings for "Raped Teen Burglar"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10


