Celestial Reviews 112 - Aug 28, 1996

Note: Remember the proofreading service!  If you would like free help 
on a story, send me a request; and I’ll match you up with one of the 
volunteers who have offered to help authors by offering suggestions 
about the grammar, style, and content of preliminary drafts of stories.  
This service is often very useful to authors and enjoyable to 
proofreaders.  In addition, if you would like to volunteer your 
services as a proofreader, please contact me.

- Celeste

      “Letter Found Near a Suicide” by Mary Anne Mohanraj
            (unanswered love) 10, 10, 10
      “More Congenial Spot” by Mary Anne Mohanraj 
            (emerging sexuality) 10, 10, 10
      “Slinky Red Thing” by Mark Aster (quickie) 10, 9, 9
      “Blossom: First Date” by Uncle Mike (sitcom parody) 10, 9, 8
      “A Rude Awakening” by Michael Dagley (reformed 
            virgin on a binge) 10, 10, 10
      “TV's best - Cybil” by Erin8667 (sitcom parody) 8, 7, 7
      “Cookies and Cream” by Bastinado (lactation & anal sex)
            10, 8, 10
      “The Good Deed” by Frank McCoy (incest)  10, 8, 6
      “Step by Step: Cody’s Revenge” by Omegaman (sitcom 
            parody) 8, 7, 5
      “Elizabeth & Anastasia” by Tom Bombadil (ff romance)
            10, 10, 10
      “Forthright” by Uther Pendragon (playful sex) 10, 8, 10
     *“Foreplay” by Uther Pendragon (romance) 10, 10, 10
      “Caught in the Act” by Holly (wife becomes slut) 7, 7, 5
      “Waiting Room” by RC  (mind control) 10, 8, 5
      “Buttfun” by Unknown Author (anal sex) 9, 6, 6

* = Repost of a revision of a previous review (because the 
      story was revised and reposted).

“Letter Found Near a Suicide” by Mary Anne Mohanraj 
(moh2@midway.uchicago.edu).  This is not a happy story.  As the title 
suggests, the story consists of a letter written by a high school 
student who has committed suicide.  It expresses the dead student’s 
love for a girl who was fast and loose with her affection with regard 
to everyone except the writer of the letter.  This is a short, 
poignant, worthwhile story.  As is the case with many stories by this 
author, I don’t think it is necessary to hide this one away in 
obscurity on the alt.sex.stories newsgroup.

Ratings for “Letter Found Near a Suicide”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

“More Congenial Spot” by Mary Anne Mohanraj (moh2@midway.uchicago.edu).  
I have an agreement with this author to review one of her stories every 
week, and I post the review around the time she reposts the story.  
Since the story for this week was excellent but depressing, I decided 
to push my luck and try a second story, so that I can go to sleep 
happy.  We’ll see.  If this doesn’t work I have already downloaded 
Shelby Bush’s “Munsters” parody.

OK.  Nunc dimittis.  I can go to sleep now.  This one is about twins 
who were named by an either malevolent or thoughtless mother Guinevere 
and Arthur.  By the time they finish college Gwen’s reputation has 
reached mythic proportions as a psych student at the University of 
Chicago - she is said to have fucked a whole fraternity in one night 
and has lived to talk about it.  Meanwhile, Art has excelled in drama, 
while remaining a virgin at nearby Northwestern University.  While 
waiting for their mother to arrive to celebrate their graduation, they 
find a congenial spot where Gwen can expand Art’s horizons.

“The Munsters” can wait till next issue.

Ratings for “More Congenial Spot”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

“Slinky Red Thing” by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com).  This week’s 
episode in the Allen Sisters saga is a flashback that departs from 
tradition.  The action takes place back when Pat and Our Hero have just 
met; and there is only one couple copulating at a time.  They are 
drinking and holding hands in the bar and sneak outside for a quickie 
in the ally.  That’s about all there is to it; but the ambiance makes 
it quite interesting.

Ratings for “Slinky Red Thing”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

“Blossom: First Date” by Uncle Mike (fr582@cleveland.Freenet.Edu).  
Nick is having trouble getting a date.  He needs something to do on 
Saturday night, and his sons have made excuses; his wonderful, kind-
hearted daughter agrees to go to dinner with him.  He is worried about 
Blossom. He has done the best he could raising her on his own these 
last few years since the divorce, but secretly he fears he hasn't done 
enough. Is she ready for adulthood -- and adult relationships? One son 
is a recovering addict, another -- not to put it too bluntly -- dumb as 
a rock. Blossom is his last hope.

Well, she kisses well, and gives good head; and her cherry pops pretty 
easily.  In fact, she’s pretty good in the sack.

I am not a “Blossom” aficionado, and so it was hard for me to grasp the 
satire.  The characters came across as horny, insipid fools; but I 
suspect that the author was poking fun at the show.  Maybe you 
Blossomites out there will enjoy this one more than I did.

Ratings for “Blossom”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

“A Rude Awakening” by Michael Dagley (dagley@soho.ios.com).  I really 
hate this story!  I sat down about 45 minutes ago to read a story while 
I ate lunch.  I had with me two ham sandwiches, a can of Diet Coke, and 
an 18-ounce bag of potato chips.  I would read “A Rude Awakening” for 
ten minutes while I ate lunch and then prepare my classes for the first 
week of the new school year.

I am now one chapter - 10,770 words and approximately 12 ounces of 
potato chips - into this story; and I can’t stop.  My husband is not 
home; the kid across the street is mowing the lawn, sweating, his 
muscles glistening in the sunlight; Kathy Ireland is looking down at me 
from my husband’s calendar with a cum-hither look that would give me 
blue balls if I had balls; and I have my classes to prepare for a new 
semester.  What’s a girl to do?  I guess maybe I’ll just read another 
chapter and see if this feeling goes away.

Well, I read TWO more chapters, at which time there was a lull in the 
action.  Then I fixed dinner and read four more chapters.  Then I had 
to wait for the author to post the rest of the story.  Frustration 
Station!

This story contains an amazing blend of voyeurism and direct sexual 
contact.  For example, at one point Joey is getting head from Mrs. C, 
who is insisting that he describe to her what he did with her daughter 
earlier that evening, while Joey is making direct eye contact with the 
daughter, who is safely hidden and masturbating behind the mother’s 
back.  This is hot stuff.

I noticed the title words, “Rude Awakening,” several times in the 
story.  The first context stated that at the time of the story, (June 
of 1965) graduation from high school would be a rude awakening: war, 
racial strife, assassinations, drugs, and other problems.  Like many 
good titles, however, this one has more than one meaning.  The second 
time the phrase occurred was after Joey and Terri had made love; it was 
a rude awakening for Terri to discover the power of her sexuality.  The 
term pops up several other times in the story.  The most significant 
meaning of “rude awakening” is not specifically stated - just strongly 
implied.  The story begins with Joey an immature, sad, sexually-
repressed young man.  He takes no chances with girls and women, because 
he is afraid they will consider him to be rude.  His friend and lover 
Alice tells him he needs to risk being rude once in a while.  When the 
rudeness in him “awakens,” he becomes a more mature, happy, sexually 
responsive person.  In fact, he becomes the neighborhood Lothario - a 
term which you can either look up in your Funk and Wagnalls or infer 
from the context of the story.  And then he discovers that he has lost 
something special - another rude awakening.

What do women really want?  Polite men or rude men?  The answer is that 
different women want different blends; and even the same woman may want 
a different emphasis at different times.  Also it depends on what you 
mean by “rude”: in this story rude means that a guy does something that 
a girl will like, in spite of the fact that a social custom or the 
girl’s inhibitions might oppose his action.  I myself have been known 
to use the phrase “Shut up and kiss me” - or an equivalent, more 
emphatic phrase, which would indicate a demand for less “politeness.”  
A very important moral to this story is that it is often necessary to 
take some risks in order to be happy.  A very wrong conclusion would be 
that the rudest asshole gets the girl - or the guy.

This author’s greatest strength, I think, lies in his sense of timing.  
For example, he has the ability to make me think I’m witnessing two 
people getting hotter and hotter until they can’t stand it any more; 
and I can almost feel it when they explode.  He seems to have an 
intuitive grasp of what to tell me and when to tell it to me in order 
to maintain my interest.  My husband has a similar ability, but he 
accomplishes this effect through direct access to my body parts.

The main “weakness” to this story is that at times the author seems to 
want to cram too much sex into it.  I have a theory about why the 
author has done this.  I suspect that he has contacted a publisher 
(whom I know and respect, but will not name in this review) about 
publishing a version of this story as a novel; and that the publisher 
insisted on more instances of explicit sex.  In fact, the publisher I 
am thinking of makes specific demands, such as (1) a wide variety of 
sex that is likely to be perceived as kinky, and (2) at least two 
separate instances of specific sex per chapter.  I know of at least one 
good author who has simply stopped writing erotic stories because he 
felt that these demands compromised his literary integrity.

I may be off the track in suggesting that the present author has 
“padded” his story with extra sex in order to appeal to a publisher.  I 
do know that there are several instances where the storyline seems to 
take an unnecessary turn that is unrelated to the overall plot.  
However, not too many readers are going to complain about “too much hot 
sex,” and so I’ll let these “digressions” slide.  What I do know is 
that I review another story (“Elizabeth & Anastasia” by Tom Bombadil) 
in this issue of CR that is every bit as good as this one: and that 
other story has about a snowball’s chance in my pussy of ever getting 
published by that same publisher.  It’s “too long on story” and “too 
short on real sex.”  I think it’s about time that that publisher (or 
some other publisher) made it clear that it IS OK to have hot sex in 
the context of a good story.  The world is ready for good stories that 
contain hot sex - without quotas and restrictions on what kind and how 
much explicit sex needs to be included in each chapter.  These stories 
don’t need to appear on news stands in the supermarkets; but they 
should be available to mature adults who want more than a quick fix 
from their erotica.

As I reread the preceding paragraph, I realize I have overstated my 
case; but I think I’ll leave it.  The present author HAS, in fact, done 
a commendable job of trying to deal with the full personality of the 
main character.  This is an excellent story.  In fact, if I would have 
found this story without knowing the author’s name, I would have 
guessed that it was written by Delta, who made my Top 50 List of 1995 
not once but four times.  That’s one of the strongest compliments I can 
give to a story.

Ratings for “Rude Awakening”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

“TV's best - Cybil” by Erin8667 (erin8667@aol.com).  In a nutshell, Zoe 
is the trampy daughter of a 45-year-old slutty divorcee, whose best 
friend is the totally amoral Mary Ann.  In this story Zoe watches her 
mother fuck a stranger in the living room, then joins Mary Ann in the 
shower before bringing her to the bedroom for mutual orgasms.  The next 
day she exchanges oral pleasantries with her mother.  The sex is pretty 
hot, and it’s easy to picture Cybil and her superficial friends doing 
these things; but the story needs a little more development or better 
timing.  It comes across as something written by a high school 
sophomore who is simply inserting sex into the basic Cybil plot.

Ratings for “Cybil”
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7

“Cookies and Cream” by Bastinado (an707058@anon.penet.fi).  The woman 
has recently given birth and has been nursing her baby.  Tonight her 
breasts are heavy because the baby had a cold and did not eat much.  
Milk oozes all over the place and lubricates the man’s cock enough to 
permit smooth entry into her ass.  The only problem with this story is 
that it’s not a full story - it’s more like one of those “experience 
letters” that we find in places like the forum sections of Playboy or 
Penthouse magazines.

This is an excerpt from LaLune, an erotic E-Zine, whose website is at 
http://members.gnn.com/JCumbus/warn.htm.  This was good stuff, and I 
intend to check the site to see what else is there.

Ratings for “Cookies and Cream”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

“The Good Deed” by Frank McCoy (mccoyf@millcomm.com). Sometimes, the 
author tells us, you can do something nice for people, with almost no 
effort on your part.  For example, in this story the narrator passes 
the children’s bedroom door and hears them talking while they 
masturbate each other.  The son has shot his wad six times already, but 
his sister won’t let him stick it inside.  The father knocks on the 
door and tells them to go ahead - it would be fine if they get 
pregnant.  Wow!  Bangeroo Baby!  Why can’t all parents be that 
understanding?

The narrator’s only regret is that he couldn’t his little boy squirting 
his seed in his own big sister's tight little slit for the first time. 
But he figures that maybe if he and his wife are a little more open 
themselves whenever THEY have sex, the kids will loosen up and let them 
watch.  From now on, his bedroom door will remain open; and he and the 
little lady won’t do it under the covers, either. 

Yes, it's amazing how much you can do for someone you love, with the 
right words at the right time.  And by the way, do you know the 
scientific term is for the sweat that forms on the bodies of the people 
in this family when they have sex?  Relative humidity.

Ratings for “The Good Deed”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6

“Step by Step: Cody’s Revenge” by Omegaman (greymann@netdoor.com).  
Twenty-four years of pent-up sexual frustration is about to be 
unleashed. Cody, the likable, slightly goofy, "surfer dude" of good 
moral character, is still a virgin and has even boasted of the fact on 
national TV; but he is about to go berserk.  Uncle Frank has gone away 
with the boys, and Cody is armed with handcuffs, duct tape, several 
hundred dollars worth of bdsm paraphernalia, and a raging 9-inch hard-
on.  He’s going to fuck the brains out of all the females in the house.  
Dude!

Each girl has erotic value for Cody.  Al is a 14-year-old virgin, just 
ripe for popping.  Equally virgin Karen is a cock teaser with a 
smallish, cute mouth, tailor-made for cock-sucking.  Carol is the older 
but still beautiful and sexy veteran of sexual relations.  And Dana is 
the cock-tease who has often harassed Cody and who would be especially 
fun to subdue.  Cody’s vision is a little limited.  In real-life there 
would be a reasonable chance that maybe one or two of the rape victims 
would, say, complain to someone in authority.  But this is 
sitcomsville; and with any luck the ladies will enjoy being raped and 
ask to be left alone more often with Cody in the future.

This story will appeal mostly to guys who live with the fantasy that 
the only thing a girl really wants is a good, hard cock up her cunt or 
any other orifice.  Fuck ‘em hard enough and they’ll become your pets 
and beg for more!  On the other hand, if you’re looking for either a 
realistic story or a good parody, this one falls short.  The 
similarities to the original TV show are superficial and the plot 
simplistic (which doesn’t mean what the author thinks it means when he 
uses that word).  It wasn’t an awful story, but I had hoped for better.

Ratings for “Step by Step”
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5

“Elizabeth & Anastasia” by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com). This author 
combines timing and tension to create a very good story.  At the very 
start we know simply that Betty (Elizabeth) is upset because her father 
has thrown Stacy (Anastasia) out of the house and has threatened to 
kill her if he ever sees her around his daughter again.  Then we flash 
back to a scene in a vice-principal’s office, where Betty is describing 
her problems with a teacher who seems to be making passes at her.  
There must be some relation, the reader thinks, between what’s 
happening in this flashback and the relationship between Betty and 
Stacy; but what is it?  Is the vice-principal actually Stacy?  The 
vice-principal has recommended a tutor; will that be Stacy?  And then 
there is a sinister note; the vice-principal is apparently interested 
in exploiting a sexual opening with the teacher who had been harassing 
Betty.  What are the implications of that tidbit for Betty?  I can’t 
help it; I root for characters when I read some of these stories.  I 
already sympathize with Betty; and as a hard-working teacher myself, I 
wouldn’t mind seeing the VP stick it to the teacher/pervert, but I hope 
that Betty and Stacy are people with a wholesome relationship rather 
than participants in some sort of demeaning ring of sex-slavery.

As I finish writing the preceding paragraph, I am only about 2000 words 
into a 47,000-word story.  I mention this because I think it is a sign 
of a good story to arouse the reader’s interest as strongly as this 
story grabbed my attention.

I’m reluctant to tell you too much of the story.  I enjoyed finding out 
what would happen next, and I think you will too.  The author uses an 
interesting strategy of alternating between the past and the present; 
that is, there is one continuous story starting in the present; and 
another continuous story - that gives meaning to the current-time story 
- starts in the past.  In general, this is an ingenious and enthralling 
approach; but at times it becomes confusing.  For example, when the 
girls are arguing in the past and making up in the present, the two 
plots may become entwined in the reader’s mind.  It must have been 
difficult for the author to coordinate these two plots; but he carries 
it off effectively - with the exception of one point in Chapter 4 where 
he seems to use in the past storyline information about Joyce that 
could be known only from the present plot.

This is not a wham-bang sex story; it’s a romantic story about a 
relationship that happens to involve intimate sex between two females.  
The early part of the story (probably the first two thirds - and that’s 
a lot in a story of this size) does not contain any specific sexual 
activity at all; but sex is implied, and sexual tension pervades even 
this part.  That makes it sexy to me.  When explicit sex does occur, it 
is very hot.  

To be honest, I have to admit that this story brought tears to my eyes 
more often than it brought moisture to my lower regions; but they were 
often tears of joy that I associate with really happy times in the 
sack.  I suppose that makes this pretty much a “chick story,” but you 
studs out there oughta read it too.  Maybe it’ll put some hair on your 
chest.

This story has some flaws; but it’s still excellent.  Look at it this 
way: on several occasions the author actually spelled “english” (as in 
English Teacher!) with a lower-case “e”; but I still gave  the story 
straight 10’s.  I can’t offer a much stronger recommendation than that!

Ratings for “Elizabeth & Anastasia”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

“Forthright” by Uther Pendragon (playful sex).  Maybe this has been 
obvious to the rest of you all along; but I just recently realized that 
all of these stories by this author that begin with “For...” are about 
a married couple named Bob and Jeanette Brennan.  I have been 
evaluating them as isolated stories - which is OK, I suppose, since the 
author has been posting them as isolated stories.  However, as I look 
back over them, it becomes obvious to me that the whole is better than 
the sum of the parts.  That is, the stories are more enjoyable if you 
read them in the context of one another.

In this one Bob and Jeanette are experimenting with new sexual 
positions.  While doing so, they playfully review some of their former 
escapades.  I love this kind of banter!  I also love this kind of 
playfulness among old, married people.

By the way, if you really want to do it standing up, try it against the 
refrigerator.  But remove the magnets first, unless you want to be 
disturbed by falling notes or want to explain why the colors have run 
together in the kindergarten pictures drawn by your children.

Ratings for “Forthright”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

*“Foreplay” by Uther Pendragon (an569889@anon.penet.fi).  Bob and 
Jeanette are newlyweds.  They had refrained from sex with each other 
until after marriage.  Bob is willing to remain committed to just this 
one wonderful woman for his whole life, but sex is very important to 
him; and he knows that Jeanette does not share his enthusiasm. Bob has 
suggested one night a week for experiments, or “games.”  Jeanette has 
agreed on the condition that she can choose half the games.  Bob has 
agreed; and her first suggestion was the game called “missionary 
position.” Hence Bob’s concern about his sexual future.

Therefore, for his own first game Bob sets out to make sex so wonderful 
for his wife that she will crave sex even more than he does.  This 
story describes a night of lovemaking when he gives her the royal 
treatment.  The sex is very tender and passionate, and the descriptions 
are vivid. The author shifts perspectives to convey the conflicting or 
complementary emotions of both people. 

This is a revision of an initial version of this story.  I criticized 
the prose in the original story as too workmanlike.  I said I would 
have liked to have seen some more metaphors or poetic insights.  The 
revised version is a marvelous improvement; it exudes exuberance that 
simply was not present in the earlier version.  I would like to think 
that my suggestions prompted this improvement; but more likely the 
author got lucky or got religion and the new worldview led to the 
improvements. 

This was a very good story, and I sincerely enjoyed the description of 
“conventional” sex from a highly romantic perspective.  A lot of 
readers will recognize themselves in this story (if they are lucky), 
and a lot of others will wish they had had a sexual tutor similar to 
this husband.

Ratings for “Foreplay”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

“Caught in the Act” by Holly (kansica@aol.com). When Jerry and Holly 
first married over ten years ago, she was sexually very reserved and 
conservative. Now she proclaims herself to be “nothing more than a 
common whore.” This story is an introduction to a series on how she 
progressed to that elite status.

It seems that Holly spent the first five or so years of her marriage 
barefoot and pregnant.  After the fourth child, she told Jerry to get a 
vasectomy; but by that time she had begun to let her body go.  One day 
she comes upon Jerry fucking their sweet, young next-door neighbor in 
their bedroom.  She sets aside the baseball bat she happens to be 
carrying, and joins in the sex.  Afterwards, Jerry explains that he had 
planned the entire event and was hoping that it would work.  He thought 
they were headed for a divorce anyway so he might as well take the 
chance.  Right. 

Unless you’re predisposed to like wife-slut stories, you probably won’t 
be impressed with this one.  On the other hand, a surprisingly large 
number of readers like to indulge in the wife-slut fantasy; and I 
suppose this is a moderately good story of that genre.

Ratings for “Caught in the Act”
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5

“Waiting Room” by RC  (74734.271@CompuServe.COM).  The woman is in the 
waiting room, awaiting her appointment with the doctor.  The 
receptionist plays background music that must have a subliminal 
message.  When she meets the doctor, the woman is ready for sex.

There’s really not much to this story.  I’ve read the research 
literature, and subliminal advertising simply does not work; and so an 
author would have to do something creative to make me like a story 
based on that topic.  In addition, even if a reader buys into the basic 
premise, nothing much really happens in this story.  I have read a lot 
more creative stories by this author.

Ratings for “Waiting Room”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5

“Buttfun” by Unknown Author.  This EBS repost reads a lot like one of 
those “true” testimonials you find in the letters or forum section of 
magazines like Playboy or Penthouse.  It’s a matter-of-fact account of 
how a high school senior met an older woman and learned to give and 
take it up the ass with her.

Ratings for “Buttfun”
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6

>>>>> Medical Breakthrough In Weight Loss <<<<< by Unnamed Author.  
Either someone is sending me electronic junk mail or this person has 
achieved a real insight into an important problem that I need to share 
with you. 

The author refers to a “Nutraceutical medical supplement (a natural 
alternative to pharmaceuticals and significantly more effective than 
simple nutritional supplements) that effectively and safely addresses 
body metabolism and REPAIRS and HEALS the function of adrenal glands, 
thyroid and the hypothalamus.  Lose weight, Increase energy, burn fat, 
curb appetite with no requirement for change in diet and no nervousness 
or jitters.”

This “Nutraceutical medical supplement,” of course, must be what we 
more commonly refer to as sexual intercourse.  The author possibly uses 
the more complex, illusive terminology because his article may be 
distributed to children; and even in sex-education classes it is 
important that children not know when someone is talking about <sex>.

The author is right on target.  I can testify that by fucking between 
three and seven times a week, I have been able to “lose weight, 
increase energy, burn fat, curb appetite with no requirement for change 
in diet and no nervousness or jitters.”  I urge plentiful foreplay and 
double bangs (technically referred to as “Pre-nutraceutical medical 
supplement” and “Reiterated nutraceutical medical supplement,” 
respectively”).

To obtain maximum benefits, you should personalize and internalize the 
treatment, which means you should engage with a loving partner rather 
than merely reading the stories on this newsgroup, even if you 
masturbate while reading.  (No one has suggested that the Nutraceutical 
medical supplement leads to blindness, no matter how often it is done.)  
On the other hand, these stories DO supply excellent nutraceutical 
medical advice.

Incidentally, I once heard an expert - it may have been Dr. Ruth - say 
that “swallowing the male ejaculate” is not likely to lead to weight 
gain.  Of course, Dr. Ruth wasn’t talking about the massive quantities 
of ejaculate that we see in a.s.s.; but that information will probably 
suffice for most weight watchers reading this issue of Celestial 
Reviews.

As I have said in the past, my own direct experience is limited to 
Monogamous Heterosexual Nutraceutical Medical Supplements.  If you need 
more extensive treatment, you might want to explore the stories in the 
“Trinity Trilogy,” where the characters - I mean practitioners - 
typically supplement as often in one night as I do in a full week.  
However, I should warn you that some of the less orthodox treatments my 
have unpleasant side effects. For example, Deirdre’s Nutraceutical 
Medical Supplements may be surprisingly addictive.  In addition, the 
Nutraceutical Medical Supplements that involve cheating on a spouse, 
pedophilia, incest, coercive sex, or public exhibitionism are not 
necessarily likely to be free of “nervousness or jitters.”  Bestiality 
may have even more undesirable side effects, depending on the nature 
and size of the beast.

In addition, the surgeon general’s warnings about nutraceutically 
transmitted diseases should be taken into consideration.  Always 
practice Safe Nutraceutical Medical Supplementation.

