Celestial Reviews 205 - August 6, 1997

Note:  People are confused about the Blowjob Principle, which 
states that if a recipient wants to increase the probability of a 
second blowjob, he/she should make the giver glad to have supplied 
the first.  Applied to sexual encounters, this means that if a 
girl gives a guy a blowjob and the guy hopes to get another 
someday, then he should do something to make the girl glad she 
gave him the first blowjob.  Applied to stories, this means that 
if you want an author to continue writing good stories, you should 
do something to make him/her pleased that they wrote the story 
that evoked your gratitude.

When they thank me for my reviews, people often smile via email 
and refer to the Cunnilingus Principle.   Their theory is that 
since I am female, I wouldn't know what to do with a blowjob if 
they gave me one.  Actually, these people don't understand the 
metaphor.  The story (or in my case, the reviews) is the blowjob.  
If the reader likes the story (or the reviews) then he should 
maximize the possibility of a continued supply of "blowjobs" by 
making the giver of the blowjob (that is, the author of the story 
or reviews) glad that he/she helped supply that blissful 
experience.  The pleased reader may indeed accomplish this through 
a blowjob or cunnilingus; but it's important to remember that 
we're talking metaphor here.  A simple thank-you will often 
suffice.

Second note:  The discussion of zipped files continues on a.s.s.d.  
The discussion is often technical.  It seems obvious that attempts 
to be helpful by posting zipped files can backfire and cause much 
more trouble than they are worth.  After reading what has been 
posted, I see several compelling reasons not to post zipped files: 

(1) It's difficult for readers to ascertain what is in a zipped 
file without downloading it, unzipping it, and loading it into a 
word processor to examine it.  With unzipped files, readers can 
simply look at the story online and decide whether to download it.

(2) Zipped files are often labeled with cryptic names that make it 
impossible to know even the title of the story.

(3) Zipped files are binary files; and as I understand it, 
binaries are not supposed to be posted on alt.newsgroups except 
alt.binaries.  Some service providers cancel newsgroups that post 
binaries when they are not supposed to do so.  Service providers 
have software that enable them to spot binary files, and these 
programs do not differentiate between dirty pictures (to which 
they would probably object) and zipped stories (to which they 
would probably not object).

(4) Zipped files do not show up in DejaNews.

(5) Many users find it difficult to unzip files.

(6) Zipping does not save all that much time anyway.

The only real ADVANTAGE of zipped files that I have encountered 
myself is that it is possible to get a multipart story on a single 
download, rather than downloading, say, ten parts one at a time.

I suppose people will do what they want to do, but I think you 
should take this information into consideration.  {Note that this 
discussion does not apply to sending zipped files through e-mail - 
just to posting them on newsgroups.}

Third note:  The guest reviews are working very well.  I have 
received some comments that people like my own reviews better than 
the guest reviews.  That's flattering; but I myself am impressed 
with the guest reviews.  This week there are six reviews by me and 
fourteen by guests.  

The advantage of the guest reviewers can perhaps be seen in the 
series of Parker reviews that I "commissioned" last week.  I have 
heard rumors that I don't like Parker and that Parker stopped 
writing because I harassed him or something.  Those accusations 
are simply not true.  As far as I know, Parker stopped writing 
because he felt this part of his writing life was complete and he 
planned to move on to something else.  On the other hand, I did 
NOT find Parker's stories to be very erotic, and so I did not go 
out of my way to look for his stories.  With the help of some 
guest reviewers I was able to offer you reviews of four stories 
that I almost certainly would not have had the inclination to 
review.  In general these reviews suggest to me that I was right 
in my personal opinion of Parker's stories - and that I should 
read two of them as soon as possible.

Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my 
reviews for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.

- Celeste

      "Hypnotism - A Teacher's Revenge" by Benny the Jetter
            (hypnotic orgy) 7, 7, 7
      "Sibling Rivalry" by Richard Lewis (childhood spanking)
            10, 8, 8
      "Wicked Girls" by L (silly gang-bang) 3, 2, 2
      "HotTeenSex" by Johnny D. (computer-instigated rape)
            9, 9, 9
      "High Rise" by Mike Hunt (voyeuristic romance)
            10, 10, 10
      "One Time" by TeeJ (cyber-romance foursome) 8, 9, 9

Guest Reviews:

      "Zero-G" by Hildegarde Bingen (adventurous sex) 
            9.5, 9, 9.5
      "Pet Teacher" by Parker (blackmailing the teacher) 10, 8, 6
      "Orlando's Call" by Parker (non-erotic prison story) 
            10, 10, 10
      "Squealer" by Parker (rape & degradation) 10, 10, 3
      "Career Opportunities" by Parker (female degradation, 
            blackmail, and control) 10, 10, 10
      "Slow Dancing With a Stranger" by Sarlim (romance) 
            10, 10, 10
      "Sally and Gerry" by BillyG (nostalgic threesome) 
            9.5, 8, 9
      "Honeymoon Summer" by Hawk Richards (newlywed 
            passion) 9, 7, 8
      "The Shop" by Seurat (romantic bondage) 10, 10, 10
      "Ziff" by Zifferman (cuckoldry) 9, 8, 7
      "The Trim Kitty" by Unknown Author (pussy trimming 
            service). 9.5, 9, 10
      "Teen Sex in the 50's," by Jimbo (ponderous odyssey)
      "Sleepwalker" by Storysman (somnambulant sex) 6, 8, 8

"Hypnotism - A Teacher's Revenge" by Benny the Jetter (Mr. Double 
repost).  The English teacher brings his friend to class one day, 
and the friend hypnotizes the entire class of skeptical students.  
Once the students are under the spell, the two men sort the boys 
from the girls. They decide to fuck only non-virgin females who 
are on the pill and who aren't having their period.  I think they 
learned that in ethics class in college.  The other girls get to 
suck the men's cocks or show their cunts or give the boys blowjobs 
during the festivities.

During the sorting-out process, we learn interesting tidbits - 
like little Jennifer, the sexy athlete, had her cherry popped by 
the local minister as part of a virgin sacrifice at Christian 
summer camp.  This was enough to make John the Teacher consider 
getting religion.

After the sorting, the men have the girls who are on the rag hold 
the cuntlips of the non-virgins while the men do a taste-test down 
under.  {That's a pun, because the story takes place in Australia, 
which is on the bottom of the earth.  I'm surprised these kids 
didn't fall off the earth or something.}  As a punishment for 
being objectionable {a technical Aussie term, I suppose} they have 
Philip the Bastard suck the cunts and arseholes of the girls on 
the rag while the men are making merry with the other girls.  I 
almost forgot to tell you that they spice it up by giving the 
girls post-hypnotic suggestions that the men are rock stars and 
the girls are expensive whores hired to please them.  We are also 
treated to a play-by-play retrospective of the Reverend's 
deflowering of virgins at his camp.  (See previous paragraph.)  

The story is almost like "Chaucer Gone Berserk Down Under."  We 
have a stories of orgies within stories within stories of orgies.  
In addition, we learn about the Australian culture.  For example, 
Kylie's first sexual experience (with a human male, that is) 
occurred as part of a gang-rape while (actually, whilst) her mum 
was at Mothers' Union meeting.  That's a great idea - letting 
mothers have a union and all.  The two men were going to get naked 
and go to town; but as you may surmise, the nearest town was far 
away, and so they got naked and fucked Kylie instead.  This 
digression soon becomes the rest of the main story.

Well, so it goes.  It's kind of interesting and probably true - 
after all, Australia was practically founded by lawyers, 
politicians, and criminals from the rest of the British Empire 
back before the sun ever set on it.  I heard a punchline the other 
day about an Aussie who fucks both his cow and his sheep, but I 
can't remember the rest of the joke.  Maybe I was hypnotized and 
being buggered by the minister at the time.

I dunno.  This sounds like a really stupid story, but in the back 
of my mind I seem to have the feeling that I should give this 
story high ratings.  You don't think . . . .

Anyway, if you're the kind of person who likes to jerk off over 
fantasies of nubile teenagers eager to do your will, you'll 
probably enjoy this story - especially if you don't have a friend 
who can hypnotize a crop of sweet young things for you.

Ratings for "Hypnotism - A Teacher's Revenge"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7

"Sibling Rivalry" by Richard Lewis (rlewis@xsite.net).  This is a 
story about a boy who had a very well-behaved sister.  The 
children were rivals for their parents' attention; but while the 
sister did good things to gain attention, the brother resorted to 
misdeeds.  And sometimes the little girl delighted in seeing her 
brother punished.  So far this may be an interesting story, but 
it's no big thing.  I understand even Mother Theresa had similar 
tendencies when she was younger.  I think I heard that on Oprah or 
something.

Now the story gets complex.  In fact, it gets downright 
interesting.  In summary - the boy enjoys the beating he gets as 
punishment for his misbehavior.  

I had trouble getting a reviewer for this story, and so I simply 
reviewed it myself.  One reviewer commented that he had a vague 
notion where the sex was supposed to be in the story, but he 
simply didn't see this as an erotic or sex-related story.  My 
suspicion is that people with a spanking fetish would see this as 
more obviously sex-related.

My impression is that we're supposed to conclude that the boy 
found the spanking to be erotic because he associated it with his 
nakedness and the pleasant feelings that occurred when his father 
took care of his wounds. {A secondary rivalry in the story is that 
the father and mother are subtly at odds over whether to spank the 
boy.  The story hints that the parents had refrained - at Dad's 
insistence - from spanking him; but when his behavior got out of 
control, his mother's pro-spanking stance won out.  The mother 
spanked the boy in such a way as to attempt to lay guilt on BOTH 
the boy and her husband.}  Under such circumstances the 
association of spanking with sexual pleasure is perfectly 
plausible - it's simple classical conditioning - like Pavlov and 
his dogs.

Lots of readers will view this fondness for punishment as "normal" 
- they think that an eagerness to accept pain and humiliation is 
part of "normal" sexual development.  I guess such an 
interpretation of this story is possible, but that's not the way 
it stuck me.  I read the story as suggesting that something bad 
happened to the boy - he learned to enjoy being punished - as a 
result of the accidental circumstances that surrounded this 
emphatic instance of corporal punishment.  I don't think this sort 
of reaction happens all that often. I myself was spanked as a 
child, and I have spanked my own children {albeit very rarely}; 
and neither I nor my children seem to associate this form of 
punishment with sexual pleasure.  I stopped doing the things that 
led to spankings; and I think I would have been a damned fool to 
do otherwise, when it was possible for me simply to behave 
properly rather than badly after the spankings.  I really doubt 
that a huge number of "normal" parents get or give sexual pleasure 
by spanking their children.

As I said, this was a good story, but I also had trouble finding 
the sex in it.

Ratings for "Sibling Rivalry"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"Wicked Girls" by L (laurraca@aol.com).  A bunch of girls get 
drunk at a swimming part, order pizza, and gang-bang the pizza 
delivery boy.  This story is a grammatical abomination, and it's 
not a very good story either.  However, for a grammar goddess 
looking for examples of grammar mistakes, this story was a 
veritable gold mine.

Read this sentence and decide what's wrong with it: "Sitting in 
the dimly lit room waiting for his pay, one of the girls came on 
to him."  What this sentence says is that one of the girls was 
waiting for the boy's pay.  How would you fix the sentence?  
Simple: ""While he was sitting in the dimly lit room waiting for 
his pay, one of the girls came on to him."  Good student!  You get 
an A on your grammar homework.

Ratings for "Wicked Girls"
Athena (technical quality): 3
Venus (plot & character): 2
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 2

"HotTeenSex " by Johnny D. (JohnnyD@cryogen.com).  Paul is 
downloading a combination of sexually-explicit binaries and spam 
on his computer.  He's getting all turned on, but just as he's 
about to explode in a major orgasm, his modem detonates instead.  
That's right, the damned thing just goes kaplewie!  There he sits, 
shock on his face and seven inches on his cock.  A moment later 
his twin sister knocks on the door and asks if anything is wrong.  
At first he says that the modem just blew up, but then he realizes 
that this is his chance.  He runs into the hall and tries to rape 
his sister; but she escapes and runs into the alley.  No problem: 
he runs after her, but she escapes.  No problem: there's another 
girl in the alley, and he jumps her bones and pops her cherry.  
Then he realizes what he's done.  He's ruined this poor girl's 
life.  She'll probably tell her big brother or the police or a 
maniac fundamentalist spammer or something.

The moral of the story is don't buy a cheap modem.  Order your 
modem from me at 1-900-HOT-CHIX, and I'll throw in a free blowjob.

Somehow I got off track in this review.  It's actually a kinda 
interesting but bizarre story, or vice versa.  It's also getting 
late, I guess.

Ratings "HotTeenSex "
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"High Rise" by Mike Hunt (MrM1ke@aol.com).  You know, Mike Hunt is 
really great.  I wish I had the nerve to say that sentence out 
loud in a bar.  It would be a great pick-up line.  I mean, you 
might get an interesting reply: "Your cunt is nothing compared to 
Emily Dickinson's."

Anyway, Mike Hunt is really great.  This time he writes from the 
perspective of his other self.  The easiest way to explain this is 
that his original self is probably still recovering from the 
drubbing he took from Taria in her last story.  Life gets 
complicated when you start playing significant roles in stories 
other than your own!  

Anyway, in this story Mike starts out by voyeurizing the lady who 
lives in the apartment in the high rise next to his own in 
Chicago.  When he discovers that she goes online with AOL, he 
arranges to meet her there, without her knowing that it's him; and 
then the he who's online counsels the her who's online with regard 
to her budding romance with the him who she thinks is not online 
but really is.  I think I got that right.  It may be better if you 
just read the story.

The basic flaw of this story is the tenuous assumption that two 
people can deliberately and easily get onto an AOL chat line 
almost at will in a major metropolitan area like Chicago - IN THE 
EVENING HOURS yet!  Yeah, right.  And the Cubs may win the World 
Series this year.

What I liked best about this story was that the woman came with a 
"whoosh" and a "thunk."  Actually, I'm just practicing quoting 
information out of context: she came _off the elevator_ with a 
"whoosh" and a "thunk."  When she came in the sack it was 
simultaneously with her lover, but with neither a "whoosh" nor a 
"thunk."

Ratings for "High Rise"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"One Time" by TeeJ (teej2@aol.com).  The man and woman have 
developed one of those cyber-relationships we hear so much about 
on Oprah.  They arrange to meet; but - get this! - they decide to 
bring their spouses along.  Both spouses are a bit skeptical, but 
they agree to cooperate, since there will be no sex - just dinner 
and family movies about the kids.  But "Life is full of surprises" 
- that's a line from the story when the visiting husband and wife 
start getting aroused as the scenes about the kids switch to 
bedroom scene with the home team performing fellatio.  I'll bet 
you think it will stop right there - well, you're wrong!

This was a very good story.  The point of view was interesting - 
male cyberlover relating to the female cyberlover a blow-by-blow 
summary of the encounter, taking into account the actions and 
reactions of the spouses.  The story's main problem was really 
silly typographical spelling errors, which could be cleaned up by 
running a spellcheck. 

Ratings for "One Time"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Zero-G" by Hildegarde Bingen (hildegardeb@hotmail.com).  Guest 
review by Anne747.

This is an intriguing story that covers a fantasy I've always kind 
of had.  HE wants to experience sex in zero-g, SHE decides to 
attempt to bring that fantasy to life.  The darkened carnival 
sounded like a great choice, and I was even surprised at the 
choice of rides.  Now me, I get sick on carnival rides; but the 
scenario sounded appealing, albeit a little dangerous.

Since I like constructive criticism of my own work, I'm just going 
to add a few comments.  A little more insight about the male 
character might have been nice. I would like to have known more 
about his feelings about the situation (oops, I forgot to mention, 
he's blindfolded through the whole thing).  There are a couple of 
places where a little more reaction from him might have added to 
the feel of the piece.

The story is written in such a realistic style that you just have 
to wonder if this is an actual retelling of an event.  It probably 
should be labeled 'please don't try this at home,' but it makes 
for wonderful fantasy.  Almost makes me eager for the opening of 
the CNE (our version of the State Fair)... although Grav0l would 
be a must!  This is a great story for those who like a little 
danger with their sex.

Ratings for "Zero-G"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9
Anne747 (appeal to reviewer): 9.5

"Pet Teacher" by Parker.  (This story is also known as "Parker6").  
Guest review by Fiddler. 

Pamela Brown was a high-school math teacher with fantasies about 
being a submissive.  Like any sensible employee of a school board, 
she only bought her kinky reading material in a fairly distant 
city where no one from the school district could ever *possibly* 
find out.  (Are you reading this, Celeste?)  At the end of summer 
school, one of her students, Maggie Moore, asks to speak with her.  
Maggie has found out.  This being a Parker story, you can be sure 
that Maggie isn't going to be satisfied with a passing grade, 
extra tutoring next year, or even a supplement to her allowance.  
Maggie and Miss Brown become Miss Moore and Pamela and then Miss 
Moore and Pamscunt.

This is supposed to be Parker's continuation of a story begun by 
"Deva."  If so, I can't identify the break.  In this story, as 
usual, Parker writes very well on all levels: word choice, 
grammar, pace, character motivation.  At the center, however, is 
the assumption that one person's degradation of another produces a 
great erotic rush in one of them, if not in both.  If you share 
this assumption, then you'll enjoy this story much more than I 
did.

Ratings for "Pet Teacher"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Fiddler (appeal to reviewer): 6

"Orlando's Call" (Parker2) by Parker. Guest review by Fiddler.

Joseph Orlando, now warden of the state's maximum security prison, 
has been a prison guard or official all of his life.  At the end 
of his career he gets a delayed message from an old friend and 
colleague, Harrison Burke, now dead.  Burke had settled a prison 
riot a year before.  That had required some unorthodox methods, 
however, and there were still some loose strings.  Now Burke's 
message leaves Orlando with the decision on how to resolve those 
loose strings.

This is a Parker story;  the erotic content, if any, consists of a 
suffering victim.  It is also a brilliant story.  I'm afraid of 
telling too much of the story; but read it.

Ratings for "Orlando's Call"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Fiddler (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Squealer" by Parker. Guest review by Stubby 

Celeste asked me if I would review a Parker story, probably 
because she knows that I am by no means completely anti-SM. 
Actually, I generally don't read Parker stories any more, because 
they usually aren't erotic to me. This one was no exception, and 
I'm not sure it's generally a good idea to have people write 
reviews of stories that don't turn them on. But here goes with a 
one-time experiment. 

In "Squealer" a young female medical student is kidnapped and 
raped by two low-lifes, one white and one black. They force her to 
get drunk before they rape her, and afterwards they abandon her in 
an inner-city neighborhood. Desperate for help, she staggers into 
the only lit doorway. It is a bar, and the proprietor of the all-
black establishment sees a profit opportunity, gets her further 
drunk while pretending to comfort her, and then sells her body for 
$50 a shot to his (all-male) customers, who take her one after the 
other on a pool table. After several rapes, she decides to try to 
get it over faster and simulates response, and after a few times 
doing this she actually has an orgasm.

Then the local druglord and pimp arrives on the scene, and makes 
the bartender turn the girl over to him. The pimp "trains" her to 
be a street hooker by having her sexually abused for days in 
captivity to break her spirit.  Finally he thinks she is ready, 
and sends her out with one of his other hookers to pick up her 
first john. She tries to escape by telling the john she has been 
kidnapped, but the john tells the other hooker, who turns her in 
to the boss. He punishes her cruelly for several days, which 
finally breaks her spirit, and she ends the story as a compliant 
street whore. 

The title of the story is her hooker nickname, which refers to the 
fact that the pimp trains her to squeal like a pig when she is 
having sex - a particularly mordant touch.  There is also a clever 
framing device for the story - a middle-aged middle-class white 
guy in a dull marriage drives with his wife through the 
neighborhood where the "heroine" is working the street corner at 
the beginning of the story, and we hear his and his wife's banal 
comments about her. Then how she got there is told in flashback 
(the bulk of the story), and the story ends with Mr. Babbitt 
coming back to purchase her services.

This is a very skillfully told story. It violates the usual 
conventions of its sub-genre in that the kidnapped and abused 
woman does not come to enjoy being raped and sexually brutalized, 
or selling her sexual services, though we are led to think this 
will happen during the gang-rape in the bar. She is simply 
intimidated into faking convincingly. 

For this reason, the story could almost be a radical feminist 
fable critiquing male sexuality. The only thing that tells you it 
isn't one is the fact that most of the men in the story are 
African-American, which feminist politics wouldn't allow. 

I was left almost completely unaroused by this story. (I'm not 
claiming any virtue in this; I probably would have been somewhat 
more turned on, though maybe not real pleased about the fact, if 
the story had followed the usual convention and had the woman 
"learn to like it.") Anyway, my first inclination was to grade it 
something like 10, 7, 3. But then I realized that in my last 
review I gave a "10, 10, 10"  to a story that I did find erotic 
but in literary terms was not as impressive a performance as this 
one. Obviously there is some spillover from "turn-on" to "literary 
value." 

Another way of putting it is that some of the very best erotic 
short stories written anywhere turn up on a.s.s., but it is not 
the case that the very best stories, period, are found here. We 
don't get the equivalent of John Cheever, Raymond Carver, or 
Allegra Goodman. So it's unfair to grade for literary quality on a 
curve set by the very best short stories overall, just because a 
story is almost completely unerotic to the reviewer and therefore 
seems to fall into the category "general short-story."

But maybe this is an argument for generally not trying to review 
a.s.s. stories that (by virtue of their genre) simply don't turn 
one on. I don't think I'll be repeating this experiment.

Ratings for "Squealer"
Form: 10
Literary quality: 10
Turn-on factor (purely subjective): 3

"Career Opportunities" by Parker (Parker 11).  Guest review by Piper.

If you've read one Parker story, you've read 'em all.  They're all about 
the same thing - controlling and degrading women.  Right?  

To put it bluntly, yes they are, but no they're not.  While the first 
line is basically true in general, in detail it's like saying all Arthur 
C. Clarke ever wrote was science and science fiction, or all Stephen 
King ever wrote were thrillers.  If you actually start looking at the 
stories, you'll find that details make all the difference in the world.

In this story, the central character is a woman named Barbara Dahlton.  
She's a corporate bigwig, one of the senior staff, and likes to throw 
her weight around and step on those little people beneath her feet.  
They're expendable.  If they start making too much noise about being 
treated badly, make them quit.  If a young, smart, beautiful woman 
starts with the company, do everything you can to get rid of the 
competition.  So what if you destroy any future she might have had 
working anyplace else at the same time.  She shouldn't have dared to be 
so beautiful, smart, and vulnerable at the same time.  Barbara is what 
people commonly call an executive bitch from hell.

Think about her name.  Think about one of the less flattering 
diminutives of her first name.  Then remove one syllable from her last 
name.  Wonder who's going to receive an unwanted makeover?

As I said, the differences are in the details, and Parker excels in 
making all the details work in a tight, interesting story.  The sex is 
sometimes hot, and sometimes disgusting.  At times, I wouldn't wish what 
happens to her on my worst enemy.  If this was real life, everyone 
involved should either end up in jail for a long period of time, or 
spend a long vacation in a padded room.  Luckily, it's fantasy, and the 
reader can pick and choose which of the protagonists to envision 
themselves being.  Or, possibly, the reader could choose to be all of 
them at different times.

The main characters are very real, even if they do step beyond the 
bounds of what's normal.  The situations are real enough that they only 
require a modicum of suspension of disbelief.  The 'big bosses' are 
sufficiently blind, stupid, arrogant, short-sighted, and misogynistic at 
the proper times that they don't poke their noses into their 
subordinates' fun.  That's exactly what the 'little people' have, too.  
Fun.  At the expense, fortunately (unfortunately for her), of a woman 
they think deserves everything they can throw at her.  And in this 
story, like many of Parker's others, 'everything' means a long, long 
fall down the business and evolutionary ladders.

Problems and errors are hard to find.  A few poorly chosen words.  Some 
sloppy punctuation.  One or two misspellings.  In a story this long, 
those are forgivable.  The only problem I had with the story itself was 
with Barbara.  It was slightly harder to suspend enough disbelief to 
imagine that a woman of her obvious intelligence and mental toughness 
could be steamrollered without putting up a bit more of a struggle.  
But, that's a minor quibble, and I only include it because a reviewer is 
supposed to find something that a writer can use to improve a story.

Parker wrote some of the classics of this genre, and this is one of his 
best stories.  Enjoy, if you've got a twisted enough mind.

   Ratings of "Career Opportunities"
   Technical merit    10
   Plot & character   10
   Appeal to reviewer 10

"Slow Dancing With a Stranger" by Sarlim (sarlim@aol.com). Guest 
review by BluePencil.

Hotel bars are one of the staples of erotic literature.  
Patronized by strangers both to the locale and to one another, 
they offer easy anonymity, lowered inhibitions, and a somewhat 
structured meeting ground for lonely people far from home.

When our narrator enters the bar alone, it is almost inevitable 
that he will meet someone.  Our narrator is in no hurry; it is 
only after he has found a table, sipped his drink, and started to 
relax that he pays attention to the people on the dance floor.

Soon enough, his attention has focused on the tall, dark-haired 
beauty who seems to be accepting only a single dance with each 
man.  But alas, just as he readies himself to ask for the next, 
her most recent dance partner sits at her table.  Discouraged, our 
hero sadly orders a fresh drink . . .

I shan't continue the rest of the story in such detail.  Almost 
casually, Sarlim maintains the depth of characterization through 
their meeting, several surprises, some very well-drawn sex, and an 
unexpected but well-fitting ending.

Though many possible cliches are present - the hotel bar, the 
mysterious stranger, a possible voyeur - they are handled deftly, 
a nod to the conventions rather than a reliance on them.  Sarlim 
is one of the best authors currently posting to a.s.s, and this 
story is a fine example of his work.

Ratings for "Slow Dancing With a Stranger"
Athena (technical quality):      10
Venus (plot and character):      10
BluePencil (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Sally and Gerry" by BillyG (hayden@mindless.com).  Guest review 
by Bookman.

In this nostalgic narrative, a lucky young man has a teen-age lust 
relationship going with a beautiful classmate.  Then her older 
sister becomes available.

And that's about it.  A simple, age-old story.  But BillyG uses a 
quiet, gentle, almost soft-spoken style to work a charming tale of 
teenage angst and "what-might- have-beens" that I found almost 
instantly believable.  (I also found myself humming the old Lovin' 
Spoonful song "Did You Ever Have to Make Up Your Mind?", but 
that's another story.)  What keeps this out of the usual fantasy 
world most erotica here inhabits is that, once given the situation 
these people are in, they act like you'd expect people to act.  
This is a chunk out of Life, and whether it is actual reminiscence 
or the author's illusory creation is immaterial.  Here there are 
no sexual supermen or inexhaustible women.  There are three 
people, in a situation of  their own making, and they deal with it 
like real people.

I have a similar experience that sits gently on my memory, which 
is perhaps why I responded so quickly and deeply to this tale, but 
it brought a wry smile to my soul, and a memory of a time when I 
thought I could do no wrong, while I was doing little else.

The sex, as is everything else here, is low-key, but that doesn't 
stop it from  being effective.  There are also a few 
typos/misspellings, but they probably won't bother the reader 
unless he's as obsessive about such things as I am.

All in all, a worthy addition to the a.s.s. catalog.  I'd 
definitely like to see more from this author.

Ratings for "Sally and Gerry"
Technical: 9.5
General appeal: 8
Appeal to reviewer: 9

"Honeymoon Summer" by Hawk Richards (heminway@epix.net).  Guest 
review by Kim.

Here I am back by huge demand; well Celeste asked me anyway. I 
thought I'd start off with some notes, 'cos if they're good enough 
for the boss, then they're good enough for me.

1. Celeste recently asked if I'd like to review a story involving 
Bart Simpson. I declined on the grounds that in spite of it being 
a satire of a satire, at it's heart I felt it was simply 
pedophilia. This has no meaning or bearing on anything, just 
thought ya oughta know what sort of a wussy reviewer I am.

2. Hawk Richards, the author of "Honeymoon Summer," has recently 
publicly fallen asleep whilst reading one of my posts. The reason 
I mention this is that it allows me to be outrageously vindictive 
about his baby and it won't matter 'cos he'll have fallen asleep 
before he gets to the nasty bits <heh heh>.

3. Hawk also has the habit of posting beta versions of his 
stories. Rather like Bill Gates and his software. I therefore have 
no idea if this is the final release version of the story. Hmmm, 
has anyone ever seen Hawk and Bill in the same room together? Now 
that's a surreal thought, even by my standards.

4. Can't think of a 4th one. Hey these "notes" things are more 
difficult to come up with than it seems. So hats off to Celeste 
for pumping them out so regularly.

Anyway, on with the review. [BTW I'm taking the story at face 
value and assuming it isn't a parody]. Basically this story is one 
quick burst of newlywed love that lasts about, oooh let me see, 
ten minutes. Which is longer than it takes to read this story, it 
being less than two pages in length. Quite where the "summer" 
comes in is anybody's guess.

Written from the male POV, this story describes a guy gazing 
lovingly at his new bride as she sleeps. He then sneaks up on her 
and gives her a bit of a lick, then hops aboard as she's coming to 
(er, as it were). They then both climax and swear undying love for 
each other. The end.

Did I like it? Yes, very much. It's written in a deeply romantic 
style bordering on the purple. So much so that the single use of 
the noun 'cunt' kinda leapt off the page at me and smacked me 
between the eyes. Also there are still the odd spelling and 
grammar errors; so I guess this isn't the final release after all. 
If I judged this purely as an example of sweet, genteel erotica, 
then I'd have to say it's just about perfect, tens all round. 
However...

Ratings for "Summer Honeymoon"
Athena (technical quality): 9 (lost one for odd typos etc.)
Venus (plot & character): 7 (Very pithy plot, but we 
      didn't exactly get to know the characters)
Kim (appeal to reviewer): 8 (lost two for being too short - 
      see, I CAN be tough :)

"The Shop" by Seurat (dantedibby@aol.com) - Guest review by Sven 
the Elder.  {This story is listed as Twighlight Zone Stories #2.}

They say that first impressions mean most, a principle I have 
found to be true in most things of my life.  Reading a new story 
is no different.  The old gag of the "It was a dark and stormy 
night" cliche to start a story is legend.  But it does something: 
it paints a picture, a scene in mind; it conveys the writers mood.  
Seurat excels.  His opening couple of paragraphs should be studied 
by some students of the art of storytelling.   Before books and 
the written word was the spoken story, where the a wandering 
storyteller would amble from hamlet to hamlet, or village to 
village.  These visits were  long-awaited affairs and the 
storytellers were made welcome because of the 'magic' they could 
convey with words.  Word painting is not easy: not just anyone can 
do it, and few can do it well - this opening rates amongst the 
best.

Carol wishes to surprise her husband with something a little 
different on their 10th anniversary. Where better than to look 
than the local purveyor of things erotic? Carol wishes to 
surprise, but doesn't know with what or how. The shop assistant 
can help her choose and she does, and you, dear reader must follow 
the rest of the story yourself to learn how.  I am not into 
bondage in my real life, and have to say that I thought I might 
not like this story. Thank you Celeste for asking for my help: I 
might have missed an excellent story with a twist in the end.

I have one minor complaint: I mentioned first impressions for a 
reason.  There appear to be only seven paragraphs in six pages.  
However, and I refuse to 'dock' marks for poor layout, this may be 
as a direct result of the encapsulation of the story to me by e-
mail from Celeste.  It could also be the way it was transferred by 
me from e-mail to WP on my Mac; but the format was annoying.

I do intend to keep this story, and so it will undergo a little 
layout editing to enhance the pleasure I will get from rereading 
it.  I will alter its appearance in short. Eating a meal in a good 
restaurant is about presentation: we like the meal to appear 
appetizing - piling it on the plate does not achieve that effect. 
Likewise, placing the dialogue from the participating personnel in 
a narrative is helped by splitting it into manageable chunks; for 
me that is most easily achieved by using separate lines as each 
person speaks.  The 'white space' on a page of hard copy enhances 
its appearance and, like good spelling and grammar, makes it 
easier and more enjoyable to digest.

Enough!  - This is a great story, read and enjoy!

Ratings for  "The Shop"
Technical quality: 10
Plot & character:  10
Sven (appeal to reviewer):  10

"Ziff" by Zifferman (Zifferman@aol.com). Guest review by Paddy 
Toute.

Hmmmm. Well, interesting, certainly very interesting. This story, 
the first I have read by this author, has many elements essential 
to a good sex story. There's interracial sex, voyeurism, cuckoldry 
and cocaine. There are other elements, but they may give the game 
away somewhat. To summarize, our hero, Mike, is having problems 
with his wife, Coleen. To put it bluntly, all is not A1 in the 
bedroom between them. Mike, wisely or unwisely suggests to a black 
friend, Titus, that he might like to apply for a job at Coleen's 
company. Surprise, surprise! Titus and Coleen eventually get it 
on, whilst Mike receives regular bulletins from Titus about the 
"hot white chick" whom he is "taking" on a regular basis and her 
pathetic husband who has no idea of his wife's antics. Needless to 
say, Mike's plans (that a change for his wife may be as good as a 
rest for their marriage) do not come to fruition, and fans of 
happy endings should stop reading the story at this point, if not 
much earlier.

So, what we have here is a good basis for a story, and a good 
slant on a few tried and trusted themes. However, there were one 
or two problems for me with the enjoyment of this story. For 
example, the oft-committed offense of black stereotyping. Titus, 
wouldn't you know it, is hung like a donkey, at least 10 inches 
when soft and condom-breakingly large when erect. He talks about 
"white bitches", and so forth, and uses a mode of speaking which I 
thought was pretty much outmoded. In addition, there were a few 
spelling and grammatical errors, but they didn't put me off in the 
least.

Overall, this is certainly not a bad story: maybe with a little 
honing and a slight rethink of some of the language it could be 
made into a very good one. I would certainly check out more of 
Zifferman's writing and hope he doesn't object to my criticism. I 
don't want to criticize, really I don't. It's just that I feel 
obliged....I'm a nice guy, I'm kind to animals, well most of them, 
well most of the time anyway......

Ratings of "Ziff" {added by Celeste}
Technical quality: 9
Plot & character:  8
Appeal to reviewer: 7

"The Trim Kitty" by Unknown Author (posted by 
powerguy@worldnet.att.net).  Guest review by Anne747.

I always hate seeing a good story with `author unknown', but I did 
try the CompuServe address given by the person posting it, and it 
did indeed bounce back.  The thing is, when you read something you 
enjoy, it would be nice to encourage the author to keep writing.  
Hopefully we'll find out that the person is actually posting under 
another name, and isn't gone forever.

Anyway, enough about that.  The story and intro kind of gives away 
the premise a little, but it is introduced fairly quickly.  A man, 
who has been a surgical technician, is opening a shop called the 
Trim Kitty.  The only service the store provides is well, I think 
it's obvious, trimming and shaving pubic hair of women.

A rather slow start to the day is interrupted by his first 
customer.  I won't tell you exactly what happens next, but it was 
a slight surprise.  The story could have used a little more 
details in some places, although if I tell which ones I'll give 
away the surprise! There is at least one more part of this story, 
although it stands well on its own.  All in all a good read, and 
it makes me wonder if there are such places around here.  {Note 
from Celeste: Part 2 of "The Trim Kitty" was posted almost as this 
review went to press.}

Ratings for "The Trim Kitty"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9
Anne747 (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Teen Sex in the 50's," by Jimbo (Jimbo@oldfolks.hom). Guest review by 
Taria.

Whew!  Well, I'm back again, this time after a long journey.  I mean a 
really, REALLY long journey.

The voyage in question was back to the Fabulous Fifties, those halcyon 
Happy Days of greasers, diners, leather jackets, and parking on Lovers' 
Lane until it was time to Wake Up, Little Susie.  Now, that alone would 
make for a pretty lengthy trip of minus nearly fifty years.  
Unfortunately, my little Blast from the Past felt like it took longer 
than fifty years.  A hundred, even.  No, I feel like I just got back 
from an eternity of traveling, an endless, wearying road that went on 
forever.

You, too, can join me on this egregious road to nowhere.  It's called 
"Teen Sex in the 50's," and, oddly enough, that's what it's about.  
Simply put, a young stud named Bill chronicles his lifelong journey to 
sexual fulfillment from childhood (half a chapter) through teenagerhood 
(however many chapters he spends on age 17, it's way too many), and 
finally into late middle age.  Along the way he gets to try voyeurism, 
oral sex, incest, menages-a-trois, orgies, exhibitionism, mild golden 
showers, straight sex, more straight sex, menstrual sex, even more 
straight sex, and eventually old people sex.  He introduces us to 
numerous friends and relatives from the Fifties, all of whom are 
exhibitionistic enthusiastic hedonists, and a good time is had by all.

I, however, did not have a good time.  Nearly everything from character 
to plot to sexual action is cardboard, mechanical, and not terribly 
interesting.  There's virtually nothing to place the story in the 
Fifties--no greasers, poodle skirts, fuzzy sweaters or leather jackets.  
Not even a beatnik.  Few if any good songs.  None of that sexual 
sublimation or repression that made sexual secrets so alluring and 
powerful.  No, these "Fifties" kids are Free Love nudists ahead of their 
time.  This is not only inaccurate but damned dull after a while.

Let me make this perfectly clear: the climax of the story occurs when 
the guy becomes a dentist.  Go see "Diner" or "King Creole" again 
instead.  You'll be happy you did.

Ratings for "Teen Sex in the 50's"
Athena (technical quality): "Urethra" is spelled correctly.  Often.
Venus (plot & character): <Yawn>
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): Don't Ask

"Sleepwalker" by Storysman (from Kristen's collection). Guest review by 
Wherryman.  {This is a new reviewer.  Wherryman has never posted a story 
that I know of, but is a representative of that vast, nameless group of 
people known as "readers."  To answer a question raised by this reviewer 
- what if the grammar is not up to my high standards? - I actually edit 
these reviews.  The hard part is that these chaps from across the pond 
just plain talk funny.  You'd think they invented the language or 
something!}

I offered to do a guest review for Celeste and almost immediately 
regretted it.  What if my grammar and spelling were not up to her high 
standards?  Suppose I were given a story from one of my less favoured 
genres?  I didn't have to worry for long because by return I received 
Sleepwalker by Storysman.

I started reading.  Unfortunately the first paragraph gave the 
impression that poor proofreading was going to get in the way, but I 
pressed on.  Mark and Kendra are soon to be married.  All seems well: 
the sex is certainly regular and apparently satisfactory, but then Mark 
becomes aware that Kendra is a sleepwalker.  

At first he is more aroused than worried, because while asleep Kendra is 
less inhibited, rubbing herself against a lamp or masturbating with the 
phone. Mark even fucks her without waking her.  He confides in his 
friend Alan, but they cannot decide what to do.

When she starts going outside and is stripped and groped by an old man, 
even Kendra agrees that she needs help.  They turn to Kendra's mother 
who is a psychotherapist. but it transpires that she may be part of the 
problem rather than the cure.

To say more might spoil an interesting story that has some good sex as 
well.  I certainly became absorbed enough to stop proofreading as I 
went.  Errors and some odd phrasing let the author down but the ideas 
are good and the delivery could easily be improved with more thorough 
checking.  I will be looking out for more from Storysman.

Ratings for "Sleepwalker"
   Technical merit    6
   Plot & character   8
   Appeal to reviewer 8

