Celestial Reviews 246 - January 3, 1998

Note: I'd like to take this occasion to wish everyone a Happy New Year.  
I took a week off to celebrate the holidays, and now I am back with 
renewed vigor.

Second note: Among your New Year's resolutions I hope you resolved to 
apply the Blowjob Principle more often this year.  This refers to the 
axiom that if a person receives and enjoys a blowjob and hopes sometime 
to get another, he should do something to make the giver glad to have 
given the first blowjob.  Applied to this newsgroup, the Blowjob 
Principle means that if you like a story, you should communicate your 
pleasure to the author.  A short email message will do nicely.

Third note: In my own application of the Blowjob Principle, I'd like to 
repeat my thanks to people who have helped me in the past year.  The 
only danger in doing this is that I'll miss someone.  I'd like to 
express special gratitude to all my guest reviewers.  They have written 
reviews of over 300 stories in just a few months. I'd also like to 
express public thanks to Eli the Bearded.  Not only does he run a.s.s.m. 
and write an occasional story himself, but he also posts all my reviews 
in a manner that is much more convenient to both me and you than would 
be possible through AOL alone.  Alt.sex.stories.moderated has become a 
very good place to post and find stories, and the archive is also 
working effectively. I'd also like to thank Ole Joe, whose compendium of 
information about a.s.s. and its authors is truly magnificent.  In 
addition, I'd like to express appreciation to all the people who make 
stories available - either in the spam-filled environment of a.s.s. or 
on their personal web sites.  Finally, I'd like to thank the many people 
who have communicated with me privately about various issues.  I cannot 
always respond individually, but I truly value your input and feedback.

As I said, the danger in doing this is that I'll forget somebody.  So 
I'll take this opportunity to apologize to the people I forgot to 
mention.

Fourth note:  The winner of the Celestial Christmas Story Contest will 
be announced in the next issue.  I thought I would be able to announce 
it today, but I have received too many last-minute entries.  The 
following is a list of Christmas Contest stories that I have NOT yet 
reviewed:

"Forget All That" by Uther Pendragon
"Twelve Nights of Xmas" by Captain Atom
"Holly and Ivy" by Captain Atom
"Elf Maiden's Christmas" by PJ
"All I Want for Xmas" by No One
"A Christmas Triple" by Kim
"Charlie B's Christmas" by Sacvan
"Snow Angels" by Saucy Wench
"A Child's Christmas" by Mat Twassel

It's not exactly obvious to me that all of the above were actually 
intended to be entries in the contest, but I need to review them during 
this season anyway.

The following is an alphabetical list of ALL the entries.  Reviews of 
these stories can be found in past issues of Celestial Reviews.  Several 
of the best made my December Top 20 list. 

"Another Christmas Carol" by James Martin
"Carole" by Kim
"Christmas Carole" by MrSpraycan
"Christmas Dinner" by Tom Bombadil
"The Curiosity Shop" by Sven the Elder
"Destiny Manifested" by Losgud
"Fantasies" by BitSlinger
"A Letter to my Babe" by Dexy
"My Xmas Threesome" by Patty Nickel
"The Night Before Christmas" by M1KE HUNT
"Room with a View" by Mark Aster
"Seduction" by A Magician
"Snow Flake" by DG
"Snowbound" by Ann Douglas
"Tongue and Cheek" by Hawk "Santa" Richards
"A Very Rejected Christmas" by OddManOut Anywhere
"Winter Solstice" by Raven M.

If you submitted a story and it is not on one of the preceding lists, 
please contact me, so that we can figure out what happened to it.

Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews 
for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.

- Celeste

      "The Professor" by Ann Douglas (ff sex with prof) 9, 8, 8
      "Snapshot 1 - 401" by Crimson Dragon (exhibitionism) 10, 8, 8
      "The Hotel Dinner" by Slowhand Luke (threesome) 10, 9, 9
      "The Ballet Student" by Randi Pattersen (seduction of student)
            10, 8, 8
      "An Arbitrary Victim" by Prospero (rape) 9.5, 8, 8
      "Flowers" by Vickie Tern (transgender) 10, 10, 10
      "2Am" by  Nevyn (bestiality & kinky sex) 9, 10, 9
      "Tender Loving Care" by Ann Douglas (mf sex with nurse) 
            9, 10, 10
      "Chocolate Candy" by Ann Douglas (mm sex with nurse) 
            9, 10, 10

 Guest Reviews: 

      "Diane" by Legal Lert (seduction in England) 8.8, 10, 10
      "Donna's Three Sons" by Eros (adult incest) 10, 9, 9.5
      "Friendship" by Hawk Richards (sexy fun) 9, 9, 10
      "Wendy's Adventures" by Pettifog J Jimmyboy (fairy tale satire)
            8.5, 8, 5
      "Noises in the Night" by Baddogxxx (infidelity) 6, 8, 5
      "Curse of Denial" by H.D. Meister (revenge) 7, 7, 5
      "Arthur J. Puddock -- Love Guru" by Endemoniada  (penile-
            enlargement farce) 8, 8, 9

"The Professor" by Ann Douglas (AnnD@Pipeline.Com). Because of her 
recent, traumatic breakup with her boyfriend, Jill has been having 
trouble with her college history class.  She goes to the teacher for 
advice and pours out her soul to her.  Then the teacher proclaims that 
"the only way to forget the pain of losing a lover is to find another" 
and offers to help her ease her pain. Then they make passionate love.  
This is the beginning of a long and happy relationship.

There's a lot missing from this story, but what is here is pretty good.

Ratings for "The Professor"
Athena (Technical Merit): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"Snapshot 1 - 401" by Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com).  This story 
reminds me of my 500-word story contest.  Within a very short space the 
author gives us a "snapshot" of something interesting.  It's not a 
complete story - just something interesting: in this case a woman 
standing naked on her balcony high above the highway, watching the 
traffic go by below.

Ratings for "Snapshot 1 - 401" 
Athena (Technical Merit): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"The Hotel Dinner" by Slowhand Luke.  I have read the first three 
paragraphs of this story - plus the first word of the fourth. Now I am 
going to try my old game of writing the summary of the story before I 
read much of it.  The woman and her friend were supposed to double date 
with two exceptionally handsome men.  Sarah is a bit miffed because her 
friend Kate has stood them up.  But Kate is actually doing Sarah a 
favor, because the two guys will orchestrate a wonderful threesome with 
Sarah.  Now I'll read the rest of the story and tell you how I did.

Let me say that I was right on target.  However, knowing the ending did 
not reduce my enjoyment of the details.  I think you'll enjoy this 
story.

Ratings for "The Hotel Dinner"
Athena (Technical Merit): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"The Ballet Student" by Randi Pattersen (yeahright@whatever.com).  The 
narrator (who is in her middle thirties) has always preferred sex with 
women; she has no problem with having relationships with her students; 
and she does  not share the "silly American idea" that sex with a minor 
must necessarily be a crime.  So what do you suppose is going to happen 
when a beautiful teenage girl applies for ballet lessons at the school 
of this teacher?

If you answered the preceding question, you probably have guessed the 
basic plot of the story.  However, the details are quite interesting.  
You will be more likely to enjoy this story more if you are free of the 
"silly American idea" that a teacher seducing a 14-year-old student is 
morally objectionable.

One thing that seriously perplexed me about this story was the point of 
view.  The NARRATOR is Ms Duvall.  The AUTHOR is Randi Pattersen.  The 
STUDENT is Randi Pattersen.  This means that when the author speaks 
through the narrator we have to remember that she is really the student.  
Do you see how this could be confusing?  I suppose the best solution 
would be to reverse the names of the characters.  If you read the story 
in its present format, I suppose you should just pretend that the author 
is Sally Smith.

Ratings for "The Ballet Student"
Athena (Technical Merit): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"An Arbitrary Victim" by Prospero (tcan@NOSPAM.itis.com)

This is labeled "complete," but that doesn't seem to be the case. What's 
here is an interesting, well-written description of what appears to be 
an adolescent fantasy regarding how a boy or man could make a woman 
submissive to himself against her will.

I really doubt that this sort of thing would work.  However, from a 
female perspective, it is interesting (or frightening) to speculate 
about what it would be like to be trapped under these circumstances.

Ratings for "An Arbitrary Victim" 
Athena (Technical Merit): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"Flowers" by Vickie Tern (VickieTern@aol.com).  This author invariably 
writes clever stories about persons who are noncoercively or deservedly 
forced into transgender situations.  The plots generally sound just 
plain silly when I describe them, but the author writes them in such a 
way that they actually make sense.

In this case a man who enjoys wearing women's clothes goes to a barbecue 
with his wife at the home of his neighbors.  The male neighbor is a 
macho man, and his wife is one of those super-tolerant wives who can 
swing both ways.  As the plot unfolds, we discover that our 
crossdressing protagonist is going to become the boytoy of the guy next 
door and the soulmate of his wife and the lady next door.  I told you it 
sounded silly.  But remember: I also told you the author tells it in a 
way that makes it just plain interesting.

Ratings for "Flowers" 
Athena (Technical Merit): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"2Am" by  Nevyn (nevyn@nacjack.gen.nz).  The gang has gathered for an 
afternoon and evening of sex at the spa.  When they play strip porker - 
er, poker - it's with a deck of cards that feature bestiality.  If 
you're into that sort of thing, the very description of the deck of 
cards will probably appeal to you.

The story is built around the orgy at the poker game.  People who lose 
must pay forfeits, and these forfeits invariably involve some sort of 
kinky sex.  If you enjoy the thought of a dog licking whipped cream off 
a guy's balls or of a woman licking it off the dog's, then this story 
may have special appeal to you.  A lot of readers will be put off by the 
homosexual/bisexual activity, bondage, and sex with man's best friend; 
but others will find this to be a novel setting for a wild orgy.

Ratings for "2AM" 
Athena (Technical Merit): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Tender Loving Care" by Ann Douglas (AnnD@Pipeline.Com).  My friends who 
are nurses assure me that nurses rarely copulate with unfamiliar 
patients in the hospital beds.  With doctors and orderlies maybe, but 
not with patients.  It would be unprofessional, and there would be 
serious risks involved.  Nevertheless, the myth and the fantasy are so 
prevalent that they have become a basic part of the adolescent, 
underground medical culture in the Western world.  And who knows?  Maybe 
my friends are the only two nurses who don't do it - or maybe they do 
and want to keep me in the dark, possibly for a lesbian menage a trois 
if they can ever get me into and out of a hospital gown.

Anyway, nurse Michelle comes upon <g> a male patient who has erection 
from the dream he was having when she entered his room to check on him.  
To make up for the interruption, she does nice things for him.  It's 
nice retelling of one of the oldest fantasies.

Ratings for "Tender Loving Care" 
Athena (Technical Merit): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Chocolate Candy" by Ann Douglas (AnnD@Pipeline.Com).

I get annoyed when authors steal plots from other authors and turn them 
into "new" stories simply by changing the gender of the protagonists. In 
this case, however, the author has stolen her own plot (from the 
preceding story) and has inserted a male nurse in the place of the 
female nurse.  It's an interesting variation of the story. 

Ratings for "Chocolate Candy"
Athena (Technical Merit): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10


"Diane" by Legal Lert (legallert@aol.com).  Guest review by Sven the 
Elder.

A follow up to "Anglophile??  Me?" by the same author, this is also a 
story based in the UK; but the writer has a serious problem right away 
in the first paragraph.  I guess it probably won't bother any other than 
the 'Brits' in the  audience, but nevertheless it jarred and took me a 
little while to get over. Guy Fawkes night is alluded to as being just 
after Christmas - this engenders a "C- could do a lot better with the 
research."  It rang warning bells with Celeste; and as I wrote back to 
her, there is a children's rhyme in this country (sit up and pay 
attention in the back of the room!) which helps: "Please to remember the 
5th of November,  Gunpowder, treason and plot. We know no reason, why 
Gunpowder treason Should ever be forgot." This is a traditional rhyme 
dating from the event in the 17th Century.  Basically the daft bugger 
tried to blow up the English Parliament with barrels of gunpowder, but 
was betrayed, caught, and hanged.  He was caught on 5th November 1605, 
and that is the night we commemorate with bonfires and fireworks.  Just 
to confuse the issue, others commemorate All Hallows Eve, or 
'Halloween', at the end of October. In fact for about three weeks it 
sounds rather like what I imagined downtown Beirut must have been like, 
with continuous fireworks explosions and other pyrotechnics going off 
most evenings.  Just try explaining the noise to my Labrador Gun dog!!  
She keeps trying to go and find things to bring back.....

So there!

Now back to the story. Our American Serviceman is again on leave, and 
has again decided to come to London from France.  This time on his own, 
he stays in the same area as last time but manages to find a  local 
girlfriend to seduce, or perhaps it's the other way 'round.   Something 
which he/she does quite successfully.  Again the story is well written 
and, with the exception of the aforementioned blooper, reasonably 
accurately written (BTW the section between two halves of a theatre 
evening is the 'Interval', not the 'Interim').  Perhaps sharing things 
with a proofreader might have removed several other minor mistakes, but 
they do not seriously detract from another good story. The plot is 
perhaps better even than Anglophile.  The stories are separate and 
stand-alone. But if they are read in sequence, some of the storyteller's 
remarks will fall into place more neatly.  Again the sexy side of the 
tale is well written and hot.  

This is another story that you should read. 

Ratings for "Diane"
Technical quality: 8.8
Plot & character:  10   
Sven (appeal to reviewer):  10

"Donna's Three Sons" by Eros (Reposted by T4425@aol.com). Guest review 
by Piper.

Donna is married to Carl.  They've been married for just over 20 years.  
Three months ago, Carl left Donna to go with a hot babe.  He's going to 
divorce Donna and marry that beautiful young thang.  You know the old 
story, the grass is greener, unplowed fields, a change is as good as a 
rest... Happens all the time.  That's the problem with letting your 
husband hire an "18 year old blonde bimbo secretary".

Donna's other problem is money.  She has an inheritance, separate from 
anything Carl can touch, which will keep her and the kids clothed and 
fed, but she wants the house as well as enough cash to send all three 
kids to college.  She has to "keep her nose clean", as it were, in order 
to clean out Carl.  (As in quite a few of these stories, it doesn't 
matter if the husband is running around with the entire cheerleading 
squad of the local high school.  If the wife is caught even kissing 
another guy, she gets shafted.)  

So, Donna has now been without for three long months, after getting very 
exciting, very satisfying, and, most importantly, very regular sex from 
Carl for many years.  She's very horny.  So horny, in fact, that even 
the gardener, a 50+ year old guy who doesn't speak English, who she's 
never even looked twice at before, gets her very hot and very juicy.  
What's a woman to do?

One Tuesday afternoon she comes home when her sons aren't expecting her, 
and, without being seen, she watches them have a circle jerk outside in 
the pool.  They're all of legal age (18, 19, and 20), and all sport real 
"man-sized" cocks.  Now she's really horny!!  Again, what's a woman to 
do?

No, she doesn't strip, walk out by the pool, and jump the bones of all 
three young lads in a massive orgy.  Instead, she goes to her room and 
masturbates, like any self-respecting mother would do.  That evening, 
Matt, the oldest son, starts the seduction of his sex-starved mother.  
(Why he picks that specific day is never explained).  It's an agonizing 
problem for her.  Listen to her conscience and not let them have their 
way with her, or give in to her hungry and demanding cunt.  Guess which 
wins out.

Mark's machinations take until the next morning, out in the garden, to 
overcome, rather forcefully, all of his mother's objections and to 
finally complete the act he's been aching to perform (soon followed by 
the middle son, soon followed by the youngest son).  After all, Donna 
does have some morals to overcome.  Her older two sons don't, but she 
does.  

Like most of Eros' stories, this one is very well written and 
technically sound.  However, also like most of Eros' stories, the 
characters are somewhat superficial.  Less so than in many other a.s.s. 
stories, but still not quite fully dimensional human beings.  No matter.  
Eros doesn't write about deep emotion, or about psychology, or about 
warm, fuzzy, monogamous relationships.  Infidelity, incest, paedophilia, 
and orgies are his bag, with lots and lots of hot, wet, steamy sex.  
This story is one of his best.

Oh, I forgot to mention one detail.  Carl's new bimbo apparently thinks 
Carl is too old for her and runs off with some young stud from a bowling 
alley, so Carl decides to "let" Donna take him back.  I'm not going to 
tell you what happens when he arrives home.

This is another long (200k) story.

Ratings for "Donna's Three Sons"
      Technical merit    10
      Plot and character 9
      Appeal to reviewer 9.5

"Friendship" by Hawk Richards (hawkrds@aol.com). Guest review by 
Bronwen.

Our hero wonders about differing definitions of "just good friends" as 
his lady chum grabs him firmly by the dick.... A short, hot story. It's 
fun too - not a funny story, but it has humor and a deft touch... 
<giggle>

The only caveat I have is that I couldn't follow the moves the couple 
made. Some act would be described and I'd think "Oh, I hadn't realized 
they were lying down." I like a story so clearly visualized I can 
imagine the movements that lead from one description to the next.

But, that's just a pickiness brought on  partly by my own likes and 
partly by the excellent reputation of this author (which I'm afraid 
makes this reviewer more demanding - unfair, eh?). So I mark it down one 
for the fuzziness of the action.

Otherwise, lightweight, sexy fun. A very good piece. But not one of his 
very best.

Ratings for "Friendship"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Bronwen (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Wendy's Adventures" by Pettifog J Jimmyboy. Guest Review by BillyG.

"Wendy's Adventures" is a take-off on "Peter Pan" and "Ransom of Red 
Chief" that, for a fuller appreciation, requires a concomitant 
familiarity with the original Peter Pan story and the genre of hip 
parody.  Like similar lampoons of television characters, it's dependent 
on a knowledge of those personalities to "get it."

Taken by itself, "Wendy's Adventures" fails to stand as a sex story; and 
even if the background of Peter Pan is added to enhance the color, it 
still fails.  

Wendy, who is hopelessly naive and without a sexual clue, is buffeted 
about, always two steps behind the fantasy, apparently wanting nothing 
more than propriety.  The vagaries of the plot have her captured by 
Captain Hook who, at some moment of near-sexual surrender by Wendy, is 
confronted and confounded by the inexplicable anatomic loss of her 
"privates."  Hook, in understandable disinterest, returns her to Peter 
who rows her ashore, at which time Wendy's lust reaches new heights: 
"She felt again the little stirrings in her belly but this time it was 
more familiar.  `Please, Peter.. When we reach shore, I must relieve 
myself.'" The loss of her genitals in mind, it is left to the reader to 
deal with this conundrum.

In fairness, I suspect there's much more going on in this story than I 
appreciated, but the plain fact remains that while it has merit as a 
satire, it fails as a sexy tale by my lights.

Ratings for "Wendy's Adventure"
Athena (technical quality): 8.5
Venus (plot & character): 8
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 5

"Noises in the Night" by Baddogxxx (baddogxxx@aol.com).  Guest review by 
Bookman.

I found this a surprisingly difficult story to review.  First, the plot. 
A young wife is spending a couple days at her sister's apartment in 
another city.  The sister is newly married, and she and her husband have 
loud, wall-banging sex every night.  The visitor finds herself 
unendurably turned on, and decides to play with her new brother-in-law 
with some sexual teasing.  One thing leads to another, and they end up 
having torrid, wall-banging sex themselves.

All in all, the story is better written than most.  The characters 
aren't *completely* cardboard characters being moved around solely to 
bump uglies.  And the sex is well-written and hot.  It's just that I 
ended up not liking the main characters.

I felt sorry for the newlywed sister.  She was hospitable, open, and 
honest, and we see she's married to a shallow, self-absorbed, amoral 
louse willing to cheat on her at the first opportunity.  And she's got 
an equally amoral sister who'll actively seduce her husband just because 
she's feeling a little horny.

There are also two major writing/construction problems.  First are a 
number of spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors that pry their way 
between the reader and the story.  Secondly, the story is told in first-
person POV, *except* for one section told third-person, giving 
information the narrator couldn't possibly know.

I wanted to like this story.  Eventually, and after multiple re-
readings, I don't.

Athena (technical): 6
Minerva (general appeal): 8
Apollo (appeal to reviewer): 5

"Curse of Denial" by H.D. Meister. Guest review by Wherryman.

The curse of the title is inflicted upon those who pass the site of a 
vicious, fatal, attack on a man; "No one that goes through Death Pass 
will know orgasmic pleasure... until he says so". What follows is a tale 
of haunting and possession, leading ultimately to a violent revenge. 
There isn't a lot of sex but we at a.s.s.m are a broadminded lot and 
don't necessarily hold that against a story.  Unfortunately that isn't 
the only downside.

Although it's clear that the author is capable they let themselves down 
in the presentation.  Not just technically, though it was not at all 
polished in that area, but in the logic (there are six attackers but 
only three are brought to book) and the unfolding of the plot. I felt at 
the end as though I'd had to make too many guesses, about motive _and_ 
method; I'd become annoyed instead of intrigued.

There's probably a good story in there somewhere but it hasn't been 
brought out yet.

Rating for "Curse of Denial"
Technical merit 7
Plot & character 7
Appeal to reviewer 5

"Arthur J. Puddock -- Love Guru" by Endemoniada 
(endemoniada@cryogen.com). Guest review by Fiddler.  

When Arthur Puddock's platic amorata collapses from a leak, he decides 
to equip himself with a phallus large enough to satisfy a living woman.  
Dr. Goebbels, plastic surgeon, accommodates his needs.  After recovering 
from surgery in record time, Arthur visits a disco where he picks up the 
newest sex symbol by telling her his new penile size.

Arthur has the goods that he advertises; what could go wrong?  Read the 
story to find out.

This is a fun story, which doesn't try to be more than it is.

Ratings for "Arthur J. Puddock -- Love Guru"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
Fiddler (appeal to this reviewer): 9

