Celestial Reviews 323 April 11, 1999

Note: Somebody attached this to the sig line in a message I received: 

And remember: passwords are like condoms: they let you do cool things, but
change 'em frequently, and NEVER LOAN THEM TO FRIENDS if you expect to use 'em
again.

Second Note: "So let me get this straight," the prosecutor says to the
defendant; "you came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a
strange man."

"That's correct," says the defendant.

"Upon which," continues the prosecutor, "you take out a pistol and shoot your
wife, killing her."

"That's correct," says the defendant.

"Then my question to you is, why did you shoot your wife and not her lover?"
asked the prosecutor.

"It seemed easier," replied the defendant, "than shooting a different man every
day!"

Third note: If you are a guest reviewer and haven't heard from me in a while,
you should contact me for a new story.

Fourth note: Even though someone else is posting this for me, my address is
still celeste801@aol.com.

Blowjob Principle: My contribution to the world of which I am the proudest is
my proclamation of the Blowjob Principle, which states, "If you ever want to
get a second blowjob, you should do something to make the giver happy about
having given you the first blowjob." These stories are blowjobs. If you want to
keep on getting good stories, you should do something to make the authors glad
they wrote the ones you have already read and enjoyed.

You may find this hard to believe, but even really good writers like to hear
from their audience. One of the best things you can do is send the author a
little note that says, "I really liked your story because...."

As far as I know, all the authors of the stories I review receive no
compensation beyond the satisfaction of writing these stories, and your
response can contribute to that satisfaction. The Blowjob Principle is
applicable to all areas of life. For example, if your English teacher does a
good job, she's more likely to repeat that performance if you make her happy
that she went through all the trouble to prepare the lesson so well. 

So remember the Blowjob Principle: "If you ever want to get a second blowjob,
you had better make the giver happy about having given you the first one."

=====================
Celestial Reviews Index:
=====================

"Semper Fi" by David Williams (triple penetration) 6, 6, 6
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?462038128

"Today" by Sven the Elder & Teresa Birdsong (romantic reunion)
      7, 9, 9

"The Black Silk Camisole" by Tiramisu (writer's block) 10, 9.5, 9.5
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?423089984

"Flying Lessons" by Neos Fyllo (first time) 9.5, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?462853241

"The Maid" by Maria Gonzales (teasing) 8.5, 9, 9
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?463415578

"California Dreaming" by Crimson Dragon (romance) 10, 9, 9 

"Dinner with Callie" by Edbun (romance & anal sex) 10, 8, 8
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?455848388
"Where's M1ke Hunt?" by Hawk Richards (desultory essay) 9, 9, 9.5

=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================

"Fun and Games" by Dumb Wonder (Strip Trivial Pursuit). 
      Tiramisu:  5, 4, 2
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?409590621
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?412027523
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?413451305
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?417034481
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?419180889
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?419180909
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?424162539
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?424162556
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?424163662
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?436615572
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?436617893

"Breaking the Ice" by Angel_wet (offbeat story). Tiramisu: 8, 8, 6
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?435568875
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19129.txt

"Death Valley" by Hangten (old hippie sex). Maria: 5, 5, 3
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?444219258

"Mens Et Manus" by Lei Bluet (library exhibitionsim). 
      Crimson: 9.5, 9.5, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?457500719

"Betrayed by a Kiss" by Vickie Morgan (gradual unfolding). 
      BillyG: 9.5, 9.5, 9
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?460665864

"Coaching the Coach" by Losgud (sex & tennis). Nick: 9, 8, 8
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?435485041

"High-Heeled Tease" by Philip (teasing & foot fetish). Maria: 9, 9, 9
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?401973063
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?401978004

"Hope" by TMC (Berkeley sex). Kivi: 6, 5, 4
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?460665875

"Valerie" by JS3729 (romance). DG: 8, 7, 7
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?423890770

"Kind of Blue" by Tiramisu  (mild bdsm fantasy). Jubjub: 10, 9.8, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?435403836

"The Girl In the Store" by Midas (quick romance). 
      Homer: 9.0, 8.0, 9.5
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?412714373
=====================
Reposted Reviews:
=====================

* "Constants" by Friar Dave (Payton Place Redux) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?462438467
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?462438472
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?462438476
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?462438479
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?462438481
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?462438485
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?462438492
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?462438489 (subject reads 9 of 10, but this
is 8)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?462438495
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?462438498

* "Ask Me Anything" by TMC (romance) 10, 10, 10
           http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=331473300
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?461332331

* "The Adventures of Me and Martha Jane" by Santo J.
            Romeo (emerging adolescence and romance) 
            10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?227940400
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?227940445
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?227940961
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?227941171
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?227943274
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http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?227943013
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?227944613

 =====================
Here are the  Reviews:
=====================

"Semper Fi" by David Williams (primlflesh@aol.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?462038128

The wife gets turned on listening to hubby and his marine buddies talking about
a gang bang from their past, and so she offers to take them all on at once. The
story starts out reasonably well written, but it deteriorates quickly. I'd call
it a stroke story, but there are almost no interesting details - the three of
them just do it, and she really likes it. You'd have to stroke pretty quickly,
I suppose.

This story gives us a few interesting grammar faux pas:

"After another couple bounces she had almost all of it in her and was screaming
all ready." That probably should be "already," which means "by this time,"
"this quickly," or just plain "now." The two-word phrase "all ready" means
"entirely ready," which would be possible, but probably not what the author
intended.

"Her pussy was so stretched by Ben that her ass was like a vice." That should
be "vise" - assuming  the author is referring to the tool. On the other hand,
since anal sex is theoretically illegal in some jurisdictions, I guess the vice
squad might be interested.

Ratings for "Semper Fi"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6

"Today" by Sven the Elder & Teresa Birdsong (sven @brass-neck.demon.co.uk).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?441896530

Since I like Sven's stories, I probably should have reviewed this one in
conjunction with "Yesterday," to which this is a sequel. However, in a
disclaimer Sven says that this one can stand alone, and I have decided to
review it accordingly.

The story is about the second day of a nostalgic reunion of old lovers. Sven
has returned to the scene on the West Coast of Ireland, where Karen and he used
to walk in the old days before he had left home and married someone else. They
make tender love outdoors, overlooking the sea.

The most irritating grammatical feature is omitted punctuation. For example: 
"Pausing she took her car rug out (the grass could be prickly in the dunes)
Karen quietly closed the car door before setting out." 

A further problem, which might actually have been a stylistic improvisation, is
that it's difficult to ascertain whether the second half of the story occurs in
the present or as part of a flashback. Later clues suggest that these events
occur in the present; but since the past and present are blending in the
narrator's mind, maybe this "confusion" is deliberate. I would have preferred
to see some earlier clues, since the distraction really adds nothing to the
story.

Ratings for "Today"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"The Black Silk Camisole" by Tiramisu (tiramixu@yahoo.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?423089984

Labeled "A Christmas Gift for Celeste," this story was posted as part of a
contest that solicited stories to comfort me during my hiatus, which was caused
by a computer crash shortly before Christmas. In fact, this story WON that
contest. The splendor of that achievement should not be diminished by the fact
that this was the only entry in that otherwise worthy endeavor.

An aspiring author named Rich Grayson has gone to a Victoria's Secret store to
seek inspiration for a story he plans to enter in an erotic story contest. The
saleslady arranges to meet him at Starbucks during her break. At that time she
will offer him additional inspiration. Unfortunately, instead of fantasizing
about me (the target of the story), Rich finds himself fantasizing about the
saleslady (the target of his sexual energies). When the saleslady prods <wink>,
he describes his general pattern of stories to her, but admits that he has
never actually participated in most of the bdsm activities about which he
writes. As the saleslady's interest increases, Rich finds it necessary to tell
her in considerable detail the plot of one of his stories. This whets her
interest <wink>.

But then, like Cinderella of the shopping mall, the saleslady realizes that she
has been distracted and is late getting back from her break. She leaves
abruptly.  What happens next? I'm not going to tell, except to say that the
rest of the story becomes the inspiration for the story the author has been
trying to write.

I'll add that it was a nice present and that it doesn't depend at all on a
Christmas theme.  So you can read it for your birthday, or for your midweek
orgy, or whatever occasion you wish. 

I wonder if Shakespeare ever thought about this story within a story idea.

Ratings for "The Black Silk Camisole"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5

"Flying Lessons" by Neos Fyllo (neos@nym.alias.net)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?462853241

"Just treat her right and she'll do the same for you." You probably assumed
that advice refers to flying an airplane. And they put the plane on automatic
and the newbie makes passionate love to the instructor. Wrong! 

Actually, the guy is doing that human kite sort of thing - skygliding. His
instructor has told him that it's easy - "like your first time with a woman."
So that's why this is a sex story: we get to hear about the man's first time
with a woman. That would be with a prostitute on the edge of the Amazon jungle.
The one he asked, "How much do you have to give back to your pimp?" and who
answered, "He's not my pimp, he's my father."

This woman whose name he never did learn, who had been sold to him for the
evening by her own father, was one of the most understanding and caring people
he would ever be likely to meet.

But if the instructor's metaphorical advice is accurate, the guy really should
take out some extra life insurance before he goes airborne.

Ratings for "Flying Lessons"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"The Maid" by Maria Gonzales (Maria1971).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?463415578

John is a novelist who is stuck for several days in a hotel. While time passes,
he plugs away on his computer at the novel he is writing.  It turns out that
the maid is not only eponymous, but also a cock teaser. 

The guy who shortens hemlines across the street from the hotel does a thriving
business during this story.

The teasing is fun, but eventually the masturbation gets out of hand, if ya
know what I mean <wink>. I understand men often have fantasies like this about
hotel maids. Imagine that.

This is this author's first story, and I hope to see more.  There are some
grammar glitches, but nothing really serious. This is a very good story.

Ratings for "The Maid"
Athena (technical quality): 8.5
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"California Dreaming" by Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com). The author's
stories are posted at http://www.asstr.org/~Crimson_Dragon
http://members.tripod.com/~Dragon_Of_Crimson.

This is a very well-written, romantic, poignant story about a woman who has
fallen in love with a man who must suddenly move to a city that is far away. He
asks her to marry him and go with him, but she declines and then finds herself
physically and emotionally attracted to her best girlfriend. This all builds to
an effective, moderately surprising climax <wink>.

This author uses an interesting blend of details and innuendo. That is, he
describes some things in considerable detail, but at other times he leaves
things to our imagination.  This is fine, except sometimes he doesn't give us
enough information to draw a clear picture of what is happening.  For example,

<<Lydia turned her head towards Opal, seeing the pain and longing masked behind
her features. She'd seen the signs before, but never in Opal. No. Never in
Opal.

Lydia bit her lower lip, running her teeth along the ridge.

"Opal, sweety. You don't want this. I didn't come over for this. Trust me."

"What if I do? What if I want it? What if I need it?">>

The problem here is that we have no idea what these "signs" are. I knew deep in
my heart that Opal was going to be attracted to Lydia  - but that was because
the label FF appeared in the title line. The author should have given me some
clues.

Later, Opal dials a phone number - apparently her own. She gets a message that
says, "Please hang up and try your call again. Please hang up. This is a
recording."  As far as I know, this is the "phone not in service message." I
can conceive of no reason why the phone belonging to anyone in this story would
be out of service. This was an important part of the story, but all I felt was
confusion.

In both cases the author had a clear picture in mind, but he failed to convey
it to me. Of course, this could mean that I wasn't reading carefully; but I
reread both of these passages attentively, and I still think something
important is missing.

In spite of the above problems - which were actually pretty irritating to me -
this story is going to get high ratings.  This might lead you to believe that
the rest of it must be a damned good story. And you'd be right.

Ratings for "California Dreaming"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Dinner with Callie" by Edbun (edbun59@my-dejanews.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?455848388

Ya know, I've never been able to do what the woman does in this story. If my
husband is talking to me at dinner about, say, a business matter and I look him
in the eye while I remove my panties beneath the table and start playing with
myself until the juices are practically dripping on the floor, my husband
notices that something is amiss. I simply can't do it without him noticing. So
if I want to have much fun at all, I have to do this while someone ELSE is
carrying on the conversation with him - someone he doesn't want to know what is
happening - or at least while he has to struggle not to react. So then the game
is to get him so distracted that he is about ready to come in his pants while
he has to carry on the conversation with the associate who is blithely assuming
that it is he who has piqued my husband's interest. What makes this so much fun
is that sometimes my husband actually CAN ignore me and carry on a really
intelligent conversation and I sometimes even participate. The upshot <wink> is
that we almost invariably have excellent sex later in the evening.

If I may digress, I think this is the best reason to prohibit married men from
being Catholic priests.  If the priest's wife were sitting there in the
congregation, with her legs slightly spread under the large hymnal in her lap
and with her hands beneath the hymnal and if he knew that she had no underpants
on, how could he continue with his sermon in the event that she licked her lips
and winked at him? Celibacy is the only answer!

Anyway, in this story the woman CAN do all of the above without her husband
noticing.  They have sent the kids off to the grandparents' house for the
evening, and Callie has some surprises in mind for her husband.  Callie uses
butter - melted butter; maybe that's her secret.

In addition, Callie has read a newspaper article and has become inspired by the
memory of the deceased Princess Diana to give anal sex another try.  <You heard
it here first!> So Callie edges off the chair just a little and engages in a
little healthy anal massage, stimulation, and self-exploration.

Finally Greg realizes that he is no longer the center of his wife's attention,
and she introduces him to the pleasures of anal sex.  It's a very good,
romantic story.

The only problem with the story is that parts of it read like a non-fiction
magazine article. Sergeant Friday and his partner used to do this on Dragnet
almost every episode.  The general idea isn't bad {to use fiction to make
concrete a theoretical issue}; but sometimes the "moral of the story" {anal sex
can be fun} becomes more conspicuous than the story itself.  If I were to
advise this author, I would suggest a lot more showing and a little less
lecturing.  In addition, I would suggest moving the action along a little
faster at times - but timing is very difficult to accomplish.

For a first-time effort, this is an excellent story. I hope to see more from
this author.

Ratings for "Dinner with Callie"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"Where's M1ke Hunt?" by Hawk Richards (hawkrds@rcn.com).
Hawk's stories are posted at http://hawksnest.pair.com.

As the author says, in case you don't know who M1ke Hunt is, then I suggest
searching DejaNews for "M1ke Hunt."  Or you can go directly to his archived web
page over at Baird Allen's excellent site.  Http://baird.pair.com/mrm1ke.htm.
In fact, if all you get from this review or from this story is a greater
familiarity with M1ke Hunt, you'll soon be more content than a hungry baby in a
topless bar.

In this little essay the author describes his trip to a Caribbean island. His
wife refers to him by the endearing nickname "asshole," but he prefers to apply
to her the sobriquet "cunt." So one night while his wife has a bad sunburn he
goes out and gets a blowjob from a winsome lass, and then he feels guilty and
gets drunk and tells a bunch of natives on the beach, "I'm looking for my
Cunt!" They mistakenly direct him to the dwelling of M1ke Hunt, who has retired
from his life as an author and has moved to that island, apparently on the
royalties from his sex stories. Eventually he leaves M1ke Hunt after mild
pleasantries and finds his own Cunt, and they fuck like bunnies in heat.

The author even imitates the inimitable style of M1ke Hunt - to the extent that
it's even possible to do such a thing.

Ratings for "Where's M1ke Hunt?"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5

=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================

"Fun and Games" by Dumb Wonder (dumbw@hotmail.com). Guest review by Tiramisu 
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?409590621
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?412027523
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?413451305
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?417034481
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?419180889
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?419180909
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?424162539
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?424162556
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?424163662
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?436615572
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?436617893

The story did have some very imaginative sex scenes, but the writing style was
too much like the Penthouse letters. In fact, the story is cast as a "Dear Eli
the Bearded" letter. 

It seems Paul and Audrey play Strip Trivial Pursuit once a month to overcome
their inhibitions. The loser has to do whatever the winner wants. But these two
are so hot, it's hard to believe they have inhibitions at all, or that they get
into this only once a month. When sexy neighbor Sue, drops by, they include her
in the game without hesitation; and as soon as Audrey loses one piece of
clothing, she starts playing with herself. The rules don't require this. It
seems she's doing this voluntarily. Inhibitions? 

Sue wins, and Audrey and Paul have to serve for the rest of the evening (Part
One) as well as the following weekend (Part Two).  The story is quite long,
with flashbacks to past experiences to help make it even longer.

The quality of the writing is uneven. One of the worst examples is:
 
"Well!" said Sue.  "I have a finger up her ass and she is getting off on it
too.", I finally responded.  "Well I didn't instruct you to do that.  You will
be punished for that.  In the mean time stop it and don't touch each other
again unless I tell you to."

All in all, far too long to be worth reading. 

Ratings for "Fun and Games"
Pandora (Story Codes/Genre) {M+F+, MM, FF, Fdom, BD, humil, exhib, f-solo}
Athena (Technical and Grammar)   5
Venus (Plot and Character)       4
Tiramisu (Appeal to Reviewer)    2

"Breaking the Ice" by Angel_wet (sponge_kite@nym.alias.net). Guest review by
Tiramisu.
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?435568875
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19129.txt

I wasn't sure how I felt about this story. The story was unusual and the style
was unique. It was funny. It was not quite to my liking, but interesting
nevertheless. And there was no real sex.

The story line? Well, our narrator wonders why he is snubbed by the girl at the
burger joint he goes to. He wants to think she's really in love with him but
won't admit it. In frustration, he finally ends up throwing a plate of nachos
in her face. Of course, he is now a hero. His nacho-throwing has given him a
reputation as passionate, artistic. Everyone wants him. Men and women pursue
him aggressively. Read the story to learn more.

There were plenty of run-on sentences, really long sentences, like, you know,
sentences that were kinda like people think, rambling and all, and kinda funny,
too.

 Like that one, or this one:

There are people like that, I hear, people who can't admit to themselves that
they're in love because they know that acting on their love will force them to
make enormous changes in their lives, take on a new role, plunge them into
unfamiliar territory emotionally and physically, subject them to serious risks
--  heartbreak, rejection, loss; pain, pain, pain.

Now, this story was pretty literate when it wanted to be; so I was inclined to
think the author did this sort of thing on purpose, for effect. Just to be
sure, I read a couple of other stories by Angel_wet. Yes, she can write, and
yes her style is unique.  And yes, I am convinced this sort of run-on sentence
was deliberate and for effect.  Whether or not you like the effect is a matter
of personal taste.

If you haven't read any of her stories, and want to read something offbeat, you
might want to give this a try. If you have read her, and like her style, then
definitely give this a try. If you want hot sex, or simple romance, then pass
it by. 

Ratings for "Breaking the Ice"
Pandora (Story Codes/Genre)  MF, rom
Athena (Technical and Grammar)   8
Venus (Plot and Character)       8
Tiramisu (Appeal to Reviewer)    6

"Death Valley" by Hangten (hangten@nym.alias.net). Guest review by Maria
Gonzales.
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?444219258

This story really annoyed me.  Let me rephrase that, the story didn't annoy me;
but the constant switching between the first person point of view and the third
person point of view did. So did the constant use of ...  I counted seventy of
them.  The story is of an older hippie couple that pick up a sixteen year old
girl.  The best thing that I can say about this story is that the descriptions
of pot smoking seem realistic. There isn't much to recommend here, just skip
this and look for something else. 

Ratings for "Death Valley"
Athena (technical quality):  5
Venus (plot & character):   5
Maria (appeal to reviewer): 3

"Mens Et Manus" by Lei Bluet (lei@MailAndNews.com). Reviewed by Crimson Dragon
(dcrimson@yahoo.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?457500719

This story surprised me.

A cityscape. A window. A quiet and deserted library. A girl studying. A
librarian closing up the library for the night.

An opportunity? An interlude? A fantasy?

Or a really nice setting for an erotic tale?

Lei is wonderful at description. A good author gives us a sense of setting and
character. A good author makes us, as readers, think we are there. I was there,
lost in a quiet library, experiencing the images that Lei spun around me. I was
trapped in the story and enjoyed every single word of it. Congratulations, Lei.

This is not a story that I would have normally picked up. I'm not a huge fan of
exhibitionism stories, because generally exhibitionism is all the characters
are about and that's pretty shallow. You'll have to read this story to see why
this story bucks that trend, but our author manages to mix up the emotions and
the acts into a nice blend that works. *This* is what exhibitionism is all
about. And I enjoyed the ride.

I only have one criticism and a mild one at that. Proofreading. I won't go into
the gory details here, Lei can contact me if further details are desired. Lei
is a good author. Judging by this story, she has wonderful potential. However,
silly errors detract from a story. This isn't an insurmountable complaint. The
errors weren't enough to completely distract from the prose except in one or
two places, but unfortunately for this author the most noticeable ones were
near the beginning of the piece. Not where you want to make a bad impression...
This is only a case of a dropped article here, a transposed word there, once a
very distracting misuse of a word that I couldn't quite figure out.
Nevertheless, these errors are *slight*. The overall quality of the writing
more than makes up for them; however, I have to point out why this story isn't
a 10 in the Athena department. My point is, a decent proofreader would have
caught these minor silly errors and then this story *easily* would have been a
solid ten in technical marks.

Now, I don't know if it was merely my copy of it, but the formatting of the
piece was a little distracting. The author appeared to use a space after quotes
which allowed odd line breaks in my copy. I don't think this is standard
writing technique - to include a space after a quote, in fact I'm sure of it,
but I refuse to take points off for that. Just something to watch out for in
future postings.

Oh. You wanted to know about the sex, not the grammar? All right, here's the
bottom line on the sex. Lei is remarkably good at describing erotica, at least
as good as she is at providing an enticing setting. The erotic elements are
provided in an exotic, tasteful and poetic way. I'll leave it at that.

Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed this story. I'd recommend it to anyone. And that
surprised me.

Ratings for "Mens Et Manus"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Crimson (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Betrayed by a Kiss" by Vickie Morgan (artemis55@hotmail.com). Guest Review by
BillyG (hayden@mindless.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?460665864

     Vickie Morgan's latest offering, "Betrayed by a Kiss," is a very well
crafted tale that's told in the past tense and relates to events that are even
farther in the past - the past past tense if you will. These backflashes are
woven through the tale in an effective manner, providing the bits and pieces
that illuminate the story's path.

     Unlike Morgan's previous story, "Loss of Innocence," this particular tale
is quite erotic, although it would appear to be driven by darker motives. 
There's an operative anonymity throughout, for the protagonists are known only
as him and her, although on the superficial planes of such a short story, they
have a certain substance nevertheless.

     Much of the delight in this story is found in the gradual unveiling of
what's happening; to reveal any of it, would be to limit that pleasure.  It's
well worth reading and for me, the impact was not so much like a sudden
explosion as a slowly-moving train wreck, still powerfully inexorable.

     A picky criticism:  Anyone who uses words like otiose or pandiculation
would be better served to know that the plural of areola is areolae or areolas.
 Further, that one person has but one set of genitals. Someone with genitalia
could find employment in a side show.

Ratings for "Betrayed by a Kiss"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5    
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Coaching the Coach" by Losgud (e-mail lushgod@hotnomail.com). Guest review by
Nick (e-mail nick@cassandra.demon.co.uk).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?435485041

I was taught never to apoligise unless one had actually been caught out -
certainly never to apologise in advance! It's a shame, therefore, that losgud
apologised to female readers for writing a female POV. For one thing this meant
that I felt I was continually watching to see how good a job he did rather than
losing myself in the story. Moreover, not being female myself, I can't really
say whether his depiction of what goes on inside a woman's head was realistic
or not.

Still, this was quite a good read. and I found it mildly sexy. I do prefer
better characterisations, though; and I did feel that the character of the
coach was a little too "dumb piggish". This story wasn't trying to make any
profound statements on the human condition though. It was basically a
comedy/stroke, and perhaps I'm being a little harsh.

The plot centres around a female tennis player who decides to teach her
over-amorous coach a lesson. This lesson is one which many guys would rather
enjoy a woman giving though; and as a result he becomes a better lover at her
hands as she becomes a better tennis player at his.

Ratings for "Coaching the Coach"
Athena (technique)		9
Venus (plot/character)	8
Appeal				8

"High-Heeled Tease" by Philip (philip_60@hotmail.com). Guest review by Maria
Gonzales.
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?401973063
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?401978004

I was asked to review this story a few months ago by the author.  Due to real
life, I wasn't able to help him at that time.  The story is about a young man
who finds a scantily dressed woman in Paris.  What attracts the man to her is
not the clothes she has on, but her heels.  Personally, this fetish isn't one
that I understand, but I realize that some men do like sexy heels, and I
sometimes wear them even though I can hardly walk or dance in them.  

The two meet, and the woman masturbates Philip with her heels, bringing him to
the brink of orgasm, then somehow stops him from coming.  She does this a few
time before she finally lets him orgasm. (I have to learn how do do this.)  

Very well done and very erotic.

Ratings for "High-Heeled Tease"
Athena: 9 (Some paragraphs were a little long)
Venus:  9
Maria:    9

"Hope" by TMC (tcarvett@yahoo.com). Guest review by Kivi Kepler.
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?460665875

There's gotta be a better way.

Before I begin, I'd like to add the usual disclaimer that I'm just a measly
little reviewer who represents one opinion among thousands.  The difference
between the masses and me is that I've been asked to publicly display my
opinion.

So please, don't take it personally when I say that this story was a little
lacking.

I'm typically a huge fan of setting up the situation before having your
characters "go for it", but in this story, the setup made me feel like skipping
forward to the good stuff.  And about that, the good stuff wasn't very good
either.

It's an okay effort, but for whatever reason it just didn't click with me. 
Grammar is okay, save for a few commas and sentences that didn't quite fit. 
Story line is okay, but development seemed a little unfocused in the beginning.
 Sex scene is okay, but the attempted emotional involvement didn't quite work. 
The attempt at character development in the end is okay, but wasn't explored
enough to be a part of the story.

All in all, the story was...okay.  No major flaws, but no major turn-ons
either.

Ratings for "Hope"
Athena: 6
Venus: 5
Kivi Kepler: 4

"Valerie" by JS3729 (JS3729@mindspring.com). Guest review by DG
(DG@newsguy.com)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?423890770

This is a long and ultimately unsatisfying story about a middle-aged man who
returns to the small town where he grew up after the death of his wife.  He
expects to lead a quiet life, but he runs into his wife's sister, who was his
old flame in high school, and things quickly take off from there.  This is
actually a rather promising premise, and there are some good ideas in this
story.  Unfortunately, the quality of the writing is not up to the demands of
the plot.  The dialogue is stiff, with the sort of long, unrealistic monologues
that you often get on soap operas: designed to impart information rather than
reflect natural speech patterns.  The characters go through many emotional "big
moments" and these never resonated with me because the characters themselves
never became real.  I would encourage the author to continue writing, but to
try completing some shorter, less complicated stories while polishing his
technique.

Ratings for "Valerie":
Technical:  8
Plot and Character:  7
Appeal to DG:  7

"Kind of Blue" by Tiramisu (tiramixu@my-dejanews.com). Guest review by Jubjub.
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?435403836

Story Summary:  A man fantasizing about an absent lover

This story is 18 sentences long.  I'll keep this review shorter.  No real
stroke material here.  The codes said male, though I couldn't tell from the
story.

Simply put, the narrator fantasizes about mild bondage games between him and
his lover.

No problems with technique.  No characterization or plot to really deal with. 
I gave it 10s out of default.  I like stories that wrap it up quickly.

Next story.

Ratings for "Kind of Blue"
Technical:   10
Characterization and Plot:  9.8  Could have had a little more depth
Appeal:  10

"The Girl In the Store" by Midas (midas@aloha.net). Guest review by Homer
Vargas.
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?412714373

A realistic story, an exotic setting which does not get in the way, good use of
first person narration, makes this is a very good job for a first-time author.

A recently-divorced man is vacationing in Turkey and needs a new trackball for
his laptop.  He finds it and romance from "The Girl in the Store."  The woman
(20) is quite a bit too eager, so that we have to slip on our fantasy cloaks,
but it's a nice fantasy.  Even given the lack of motivation on her part, the
realistic description of the narrator's own feelings almost makes us believe
this really could happen.  There is a nice twist at the end.

A few technical flaws mar the story.  Since it was posted in November, the
author did not know about the New Dispensation regarding two spaces between
sentences, so I won't even mention that.  For a sweet romantic story, I found
including the woman's estimated bust size -- 34DD -- a bit crude.  Perhaps it
was the fault of the formatting, but it was difficult to distinguish paragraphs
and not every change of speaker in dialogue was set off by a paragraph change
(that I detected).  There were at several like/as errors that sounded wrong for
the sensitive, intelligent persona being projected.

Still, this is a story worth reading.

Athena	9.0
Venus	8.0
Homer	9.5

=====================
Reposted Reviews:
=====================

* "Constants" by Friar Dave (friar_dave@mhbbs.com).  
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?462438467
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?462438472
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?462438476
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?462438479
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?462438481
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?462438485
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?462438492
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?462438489 (subject reads 9 of 10, but this
is 8)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?462438495
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?462438498

There are certain things one is not supposed to enjoy thinking about,
especially if one is a demure, respected English teacher and mother of two fine
young girls, even if one moonlights as a reviewer of smut for an Internet
newsgroup.  But as much as I hate to admit it, I enjoyed this story.

Mind you - I do NOT think behaviors like those in this story are socially
responsible, and I would recommend very strong penalties (including summary
defenstration) for any adults fooling around with kids this way; but this story
certainly did give me a tingle in a nice place - as well as having an indirect
effect on my husband's late-night happiness.  In real life, I would urge people
who feel the urge to do things like this to see a counselor, go to church more
often, or sublimate by masturbating to the work of their favorite a.s.s.
author.

The story focuses on what I would call a couple of really dysfunctional
families - husbands and wives who are dissatisfied with each other, kids whose
parents have lost contact with them, and people with value systems that have
undergone serious deterioration.  In other words, the kind of people we find on
American soap operas and in the royal families of Europe.

You see - the title is a pun.  "Constants" are things that stay the same across
time or across situations.  Constance is also the name of the main character in
the story.  The words are homonyms: they sound alike.  You'll have to read the
story to find out what this has to do with fucking the neighbor boy while his
father is watching through a telescope and then screwing the owner of the local
restaurant while one's husband is breaking up with his mistress and getting
fucked by a local teenager while he's recovering from a drinking binge.  And
that's just for starters.

It's a sad world in which Constance lives; but everybody is too busy screwing
everybody else to survey their dismal situation.  I like to say that bit about
"surveying the dismal situation," because one of my English teachers told me
those were the worst combination of words John Milton ever wrote.  I just
wanted this review to end on an up note by pointing out that on his worst day
this author can write better than John Milton on his best day.  Talk about
dysfunctional people....

Ratings for "Constants"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Ask Me Anything" by TMC (tcarvett@yahoo.com).  
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=331473300
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?461332331

This story is  creative, romantic, and poetic.  It's difficult to summarize.
You can read it in 2.5 minutes.  I suggest that you do so.

Ratings for "Ask Me Anything"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "The Adventures of Me and Martha Jane" by Santo J. Romeo
(73233.1411@compuserve.com). 
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?227940400
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?227940445
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?227940961
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?227941171
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?227943274
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?227943253
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?227941354
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?227941940
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?227942182
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?227942918
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?227966264
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?227943013
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?227944613

I first reviewed this story in CR 18, which was posted on September 9, 1995. 
At that time I gave it a 5.  It was a good story, I said; but I was genuinely
pissed off because it just ended in the middle of nowhere.  I further refused
to read any more parts of the story until the author would assure me that he
was finished.  I was tired of this neverending story crap.

Well, the author has finished the story, and it has been worth the wait.  I saw
a message on a.s.s. that compared the author to Harold Robbins.  That
evaluation is not far from the mark.

The narrator is presumably a man in his fifties, retelling a story of his
youth.  At the beginning of the story, the 6-year-old Steven (Speedy) harbored
a wonderful, non-sexual admiration for Martha Jane, who was nine years older;
and she showed a reciprocal respect for him. The two lived next door to each
other in a federal housing project around 1950 and shared a common front porch.
 The focus of the story is the maturation and fulfillment of their
relationship.

Although the early lines of this story hint of sexual activity, the first
several paragraphs are devoted to demonstrating that the protagonist of the
story was a precocious child - not a sexually precocious child, but a
run-of-the-mill precocious child.  This full-life focus continues throughout
the story, and it emphasizes that the hero and Martha Jane should be regarded
as whole persons, not as simple sex objects.  The development of non-sexual
aspects helps set this story in a truly rich and interesting psychological and
emotional environment.  The story is one of the longest coherent stories I have
seen on this newsgroup, but it is also one of the best.

Certainly there is moral ambiguity in the story.  For example, near the
beginning the mother tells the young Steven that pregnant women get that way by
eating too many popsicles and that babies come from storks.  Shortly
thereafter, Martha Jane corrects this stupid explanation by playing with his
penis to give him a hard-on, while giving him an accurate biological account of
the facts of life.  If I had a son, I wouldn't try either of these approaches
to sex education.  It's interesting that normal society rejects Martha Jane's
approach - to the extent that Redbook and the Sunday supplements would never
even consider publishing an account like this without labeling Martha Jane a
pervert; but sitcoms routinely laugh about the mother's explanation.

I'm running the risk of preaching to the choir here: most readers of this
review are likely to be predisposed to want to like a story like this.  On the
other hand, large numbers of equally civilized readers outside a.s.s. would
react to this story as an example of perversion.  Most of us will counter by
describing these people as sexually repressed puritans.  And so forth.  I think
we should be willing to simply admit but tolerate the moral ambiguity of the
story.  It's fiction and it's interesting.  There's nothing perverse in setting
aside our moral scruples and enjoying a good story.  Millions of American high
schoolers are required every year to read Edgar Allan Poe's tale about a
pervert who tears the heart out of an old man and buries it under the
floorboards in his house.  We practically require these students to set aside
moral scruples and to enjoy the beauty of this atrocity.  I'm not recommending
that we make "Martha Jane" part of the sophomore curriculum; I simply think
adult readers can set aside moral reactions long enough to enjoy this story
without taking a position that it would be "better" if all children grew up
this way.  

When I myself was a young baby-sitter, I did not give head to any of the
children I cared for; and I would hope that my own daughters likewise refrain
from that practice.  The psychologists and counselors who suggested to the
narrator later in his life that this activity was abnormal are quite likely
right (although, again, these sages would simply laugh about the goofy
explanations of sexuality given by the mother and other adults.).  It would be
much better for little boys to receive accurate answers from their own parents
and for young baby-sitters to have internalized a code of ethical conduct that
enables them to understand their own and their clients' emerging sexuality and
to rule out genital contact without resorting to primitive mythologies.  But
that still doesn't make this a bad story.  One of my own favorite novels is
Betty Smith's "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn."  I would never raise my own children
the way those children grew up in that story, but it's still a good novel (and
an excellent movie).

Again, I'm probably preaching to the choir.  But someone is surely going to
label this story "pedophilia."  There are legitimate gripes against many
pedophile stories; they essentially recommend the adoption of lifestyles that
would be destructive to children.  What we need to do is acknowledge that some
stories that describe genital activities with children have the potential to be
destructive - especially those that are simply unrealistic or that promote the
exploitation of children.  On the other hand, other stories that describe
genital activity with or among children are either harmless or actually have
the potential to lead to moral or emotional growth among readers.  To take a
sexually-related analogy, there are numerous examples of books and movies about
adults having affairs.  Some of these are badly written or stupidly conceived
and seem to have as their only goal to degrade the value of marriage and other
permanent relationships.  On the other hand, many of these books and movies are
well conceived and have the overall effect of enabling us to understand human
emotions - and, indeed, marriage and other permanent relationships - more
perfectly.

Although the most important aspect of this story is the sexual relationship
between the narrator and Martha Jane, it's not really a sex story.  Rather,
it's a story about the emotional development of two young people.  Less than a
third of the lines in the story are even remotely devoted to their sex lives. 
The non-sex scenes are extremely realistic and vivid, giving us information
needed to understand the background and personalities of the two main
characters.

If a reader wants a source of information about how much fun it would be to
have sex with a precocious little kid, this would be a good story for that
purpose - although all the details about the child's emotions would probably be
viewed as distracting.  However, I really don't think this was the author's
purpose.  On the other hand, if a person (like myself) is reading this story to
obtain sensitive insights into the personalities of two young people as they
mature sexually and emotionally, this is a good source for serious reading.

Ratings for "Martha Jane"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

<end>
