Celestial Reviews 87 - May 25, 1996

Note:  If this gets posted, it’s because I solved my problem with AOL.  
One of my readers suggested that maybe my AOL software had become 
corrupted.  So I threw out the program (not my mail files, etc.) and 
replaced it with a fresh copy.  If this gets posted, therefore, I’ll 
assume that it’s because that copy is “uncorrupted.”  In a manner of 
speaking, I’ve sacrificed  a virgin, I guess.

Second Note:  Here are the names and addresses of some people who 
archive their own or others’ stories:

Mark Aster has set up a Web site with all the Allens stories:  
http://users.aol.com/myfrthal/

There is a Web site for Deirdre stories.  If someone sends me the 
address, I’ll post it.

Robot Fetish stories are posted at: 
http://users.aol.com/robotdoll/asfr.html

Celestial Reviews are posted at: http://www.emi.u-
bordeaux.fr/~jay/Celeste

Elf Sternberg stories are posted at: 
http://www.halcyon.com/elf/index.html

Sisters Ng stories are posted at:  
http://members.aol.com/deidreng/index.htm

Warthog stories are posted at: 
http://www.connect.net/linetwo/stories.html

If any of these are no longer current or if there are others I should 
add, please contact me.  I am interested only in free, non-commercial 
sites.  However, I’ll also plug the following organization; although 
they charge for membership, they GIVE stories away to non-members.  (I 
suppose they hope you’ll eventually join.)

The BackDrop Club  offers a service of helping people who are looking for a 
specific file, story, or a chapter or section of a story. If you are an adult 
and know the name of the file you wish to receive, send a request using the 
following format:

TO:       file.archives@backdrop.com
SUBJECT:  (the name of the file you wish as a single word)

I HAVE used this service myself, and it is my opinion that it is NOT a 
rip-off.  If you need more information, contact robin@backdrop.com.  
The BackDrop Club also has a Web Page at http://www.fantasies.com.

- Celeste

      “Jacuzzi” by Wolfgang Amadeus (threeway sex in the 
            jacuzzi) 7, 9, 9
      “Valentine’s Day” by TextTrdr (exhibitionism & threeway)
            8, 8, 8
      “Fools Rush In” by Joe Parsons (phone sex) 10, 9, 9
      “Star Whores 1” by Jefferson Morris (science fiction)
            7, 4, 4
      “The Gathering” by Patrick Donovan (romantic group sex)
            10, 10, 10
     *"Cocktail Table" by Sue (Orgy) 10, 10, 10
     *"Thanksgiving" by Tom in Sacramento (holiday orgy) 
            10, 10, 10

*Repost of a previous review (because the story was recently 
      reposted.)

“Jacuzzi” by Wolfgang Amadeus (Wolfang@world.net).  A woman is alone in 
a large Canadian city for what portends to be a boring evening.  {I’m 
guessing Canada, because of subtle clues.}  The city rolls up its 
sidewalks at 6:00 on weekday evenings.  She plans to go to the hotel’s 
fitness center after dinner.  During dinner she makes eye contact with 
both members of an attractive couple at a nearby table.  To her 
pleasant surprise she later finds them in the jacuzzi and they are 
interested in getting to know her much more intimately.

Sexual foreplay in a jacuzzi is a naturally hot fantasy for me; and so 
I liked this story, even though it had proofreading problems.  In 
addition, I honestly cannot see why the author used the second-person 
narrative.  My guess is that both problems arose because the author 
wrote this as part of a cyber-romance; the recipient was turned on by 
it and encouraged him to post it.  She was right to encourage him to 
post it:  this has the potential to be a hot story.  However, she was 
wrong to think that without at least minor revisions it would be as 
good for the general public as it was for her.  On the other hand, 
these ratings are pretty good for a semi-final draft!

Ratings for “Jacuzzi”
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

“Valentine’s Day” by TextTrdr (TextTrdr@aol.com).  It’s Valentine’s Day 
and Lori is depressed.  Her boyfriend takes her out for a fine dinner, 
and she starts eyeing the waiter.  The waiter reciprocates.  Her 
boyfriend says he has had too much to drink, and so the waiter takes 
them home.  She models some lingerie for the kindly waiter, and soon 
they have some very hot threeway sex.

The sex is very hot, but the story into which it has been inserted has 
some flaws.  For example, the leading lady mentions in the first few 
lines that she “may not be able to get a sitter.”  Then the story 
proceeds with no mention of why she would need a sitter.  Why mention 
the sitter it all?  It seems to me that the author had an idea and then 
changed her mind and forgot to delete the reference.  Here’s another 
example:  Lori had mentioned that she was hot for a particular waiter.  
When we see the couple in the restaurant, the waiter introduces himself 
as a stranger.  We do not find out until the end of the story that this 
man was the target of Lori’s original lust.  I see no reason for this 
delay.

In addition, the story has several grammatical flaws.  For example, the 
author frequently changes verb tenses for no apparent reason.  This is 
not really a huge deal; but why not make the grammar logically 
consistent?  The inconsistency is a bit annoying, and there’s no reason 
to irritate the reader.

Then there are a few cases of using the wrong word: “Lori discretely 
checks out the body in the black slacks.”  This means that Lori 
examined the body in separate segments.  This is a possibility, but I 
think the author meant to say “discreetly.”

In spite of these flaws, this is a very hot story.  It contains one of 
the few threeway sequences I have seen where the guys get it on a 
little with each other.  That was a turn-on to me, but it may be a 
turn-off to macho male readers.  However, male-to-male contact is not a 
major part of the story; you super-studs will still enjoy the plot.

The story was listed as “Valentine’s Day” in the postings, but the 
title at the top of the story was “The Valentine Present.”  A lot of 
authors follow this mistaken practice of using two different titles.  I 
really do think that as a courtesy to readers (and reviewers!) the 
authors should use a single title.

Ratings for “Valentine’s Day”
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

“Fools Rush In” by Joe Parsons (jmp@cyber-mall.com).  I enjoy a 
creative commercial now and then.  My favorite television ad right now 
is the one where the man is seeing a woman off at a train station and 
they are quickly writing and displaying messages to each other as he 
runs down the platform while the train begins to depart.  Suddenly, she 
holds up a note that says “Post” (or maybe it’s “Pole”).  He looks 
confused but keeps running - then he crashes into a lamppost.

This story is actually a commercial; but it’s a very creative plug for 
the author’s phone-sex service.  The story is about Gush Plumbob, the 
idol of Real Americans across the Fruited Plain, who runs a radio talk 
show.  One day, while he’s on the air denouncing commies and 
advertising Spotted Owl Delicacies, he receives a call from a sexy 
woman, who leaves him her phone number, which is not 1-900-HOT-CHIX, 
but supplies a similar service.  Gush calls her back and has the orgasm 
of his life right there on line, and afterwards he feels compelled to 
turn the portraits of Senators McCarthy, Helms, and Gingrich so that 
they face the wall instead of staring at him in lofty grandeur from his 
office.  {We can tell this is fiction, because there is no Senator 
Gingrich among the Real Americans.}

Ratings for “Fools Rush In”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

“Star Whores 1” 1 or “Last Tango on Tatooine” by Jefferson Morris. This 
story was posted under the title “Ta-daahhh! Star Wars stories at last! 
Part 1a” in response to several pleas for Star Wars sex stories.  It 
consists primarily of banter between Luke Skywalker and Han Solo, while 
Luke is giving Han a hand job.  We learn interesting things about some 
of our heroes.  For example, rumor has it that Ben Obi wan Whatsisname 
is a horny old fart who needs the Force to get it up.  The conversation 
is fascinating, but there’s no coherence to the story.

If you want a really good Star Wars story, try to find “Tie Fighter” or 
“Tarkin” by Walter Slaven.

Ratings for “Star Whores 1”
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 4
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4

“The Gathering” by Patrick Donovan (drwho@world.std.com).  The man’s 
lover has come from a distant city to visit him in Indianapolis.  After 
he and Kathryn have made passionate love several times, another couple 
arrives unexpectedly for a visit.  Kevin is a professional masseur, and 
his girlfriend is one of his best students.  After the spend the 
evening out, they return to the apartment, where Kevin and Nancy offer 
to give Kathryn a massage.  The narrator joins in, and the massage 
becomes much more than simple physical therapy - it becomes VERY 
physical therapy indeed.

I’m not going to try to describe in detail the ensuing orgy - except to 
say that it’s some of the hottest sex I’ve ever read.  A potential 
turn-off to some readers (but not to me) is the fact that there’s 
male/male sex as well as variations more common to group sex stories in 
this newsgroup.  I suggest that you just be open-minded and enjoy it, 
even if that’s not your style; otherwise you’ll miss a great story.

Ratings for “The Gathering”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

*"Cocktail Table" by Sue.  Sue accepts an invitation to a party from 
some graduate students who admire her literary work.  After the initial 
fuss over her arrival, everyone sits around in a quiet circle with 
their hands on their laps while Sue reads "Slippery When Wet" to the 
group.  Everyone gets turned on by the splendid reading, and the 
spokesman for the group suggests that Sue may want to leave before the 
ensuing orgy begins.  Sue chooses to stay.  Actually, Sue tells it 
better; so read the story.

I shall now respond to the one unanswered question in Sue's story: the 
plural of "clitoris" is "clitorises".  Interestingly enough, my 
spellcheck recognized this plural, even though it failed to recognize 
"anally," "Sistine," "dominatrix," and "supermodel."  I verified this 
plural in my unabridged dictionary, where the word is found right after 
"cliticize" (the meaning of which may surprise you) and on the same 
page with a picture of a cloister.  Talk about a screwed up value 
system!  The dictionary defines clit, clitoris, and cliticize (and 101 
pages later gives three definitions for cunt, which happen to come 
right before Mario Cuomo - now there's a coincidence for you), but it 
gives a picture of a cloister instead of a clitoris!  I mean, how many 
readers in all of history have looked at the definition of a cloister 
and said, "Damn! I wish I had a picture to clear this up for me!"  
Sorry about the digression; but Sue did raise the original question in 
her story.

{Well, now that I have already digressed, I might mention that I did a 
double-take during proofreading - 101 pages of definitions between 
clitoris and Cuomo?  Yes, that’s right.  Yesterday a prissy student 
came up to my desk and told me that another student - who was 
disgruntled over her grade - had called me “the c-word.”  I asked her 
to be more specific, but she couldn’t utter “the c-word” out loud.  She 
doesn’t realize how truly ambiguous her accusation was!}

This was a very enjoyable story.  I have only one problem with it, and 
that problem is akin to the play within a play theme that often occurs 
in Shakespeare.  When Sue has six guys shoot their jism all over her 
body (never mind the cunt juices that are flowing like milk and honey) 
- when she gets her pastry frosted by six guys at once, whose record is 
she breaking?  (Not mine, certainly!)  She compares it to the four guys 
whose snorkels she cleared in "Slippery When Wet," but that's a work of 
fiction, and is recognized as such even in the present work of fiction.  
Sue herself is actually a most demure person who probably isn't even 
named Sue and almost certainly has not participated in Onan's Olympics 
with more than two male partners at the same time.  So what we have 
here is a fiction within a fiction and how do we know that even that is 
not fiction?  In other words, that that is not is not that that is.  (I 
was tempted to replace "in other words" with "that is" in the preceding 
sentence, but then the thought would have become confusing.)

Sorry.  Even though I am a most cunning linguist I just never had a 
chance to say that last sentence in a meaningful context before.  If 
you're ever in danger of premature orgasm, try repeating and 
understanding that sentence, and it will probably keep you from coming 
at least until your partner catches up with you.

Ratings for “Cocktail Table”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* Thanksgiving" by Tom in Sacramento (an248036@anon.penet.fi).  Ann is 
a mild mannered former toxicologist who is now a dance therapist and 
active member of the local PTA.  She has a great ass and a pussy whose 
fragrance automatically generates erotic thoughts, even when one's face 
is not nicely nuzzled where it fits best.  She is married to Tom, the 
narrator of the story, a handsome chap who is a journalist.  Jerry, a 
brilliant scholar and sexy lawyer, was the narrator's closest friend in 
college and has become like a brother-in-law to Ann.  The kids have 
gone away for Thanksgiving, and Jerry is visiting the couple for 
Thanksgiving and has brought with him Sue, a professional masseuse who 
is at least as attractive as Ann.  I can identify with these people.  

The story opens with Ann and Sue walking ahead of the guys on the 
beach, gently swaying their cute little asses.  (I hope that misplaced 
modifier aroused you as much as it did me.)  From this point you can 
probably guess at least the general outline of the rest of the story; 
but the tale is delightfully told, and the fact that you can guess 
what's going to happen will not diminish your enjoyment of this story.  
And besides, there are some surprises.

Now I have a confession to make - two confessions actually.  Although I 
write these reviews and have become a bit of an expert or at least a 
connoisseur of sexual acrobatics, I have never engaged in an orgy and 
probably never will.  My husband and I both understand the intense 
stimulation and sense of freedom that would be present if we did it 
with another couple, but we also see the value of the one-to-one 
intimacy that we share and don't want to do anything to risk losing 
this.  Nevertheless, I really enjoy picturing in my mind stories like 
this - even while I am making love to my husband

Which brings me to my second confession.  Between the first and second 
paragraphs of this review, I field tested this story.  I can now verify 
(1) that it is possible to come to mutual orgasm with a spouse by 
relating the basic events of this story by the fireplace - although it 
may be necessary to alter the plot to include a bank teller; and (2) 
that a focus on one part of this story seems to greatly increase the 
probability that the male partner will have a roaring second orgasm.  
Go figure!  

As I was reading this story, I couldn't help thinking that it reminded 
me of several of the stories written by SueNH.  This is ironic; but 
you'll have to read the whole story and be at least remotely familiar 
with the writings of Sue to see the reason for this irony.  I really 
enjoyed this story - and so did my husband, even though he hasn't had 
time to read it yet.

Ratings for “Thanksgiving”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

