Celestial Reviews 276 - April 18, 1998

Note: This week I have a selection of pick-up lines to be used for or by
engineers and engineering students:

1.  I won't stop bugging you until I get the address of your home page. 

2.  You fascinate me more than the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus. 

3.  Since distance equals velocity times time, let's let velocity and time
approach infinity, because I want to go all the way with you. 

4.  My love for you is like a concave up function because it is always
increasing. 

5.  Let's convert our potential energy to kinetic energy. 

6.  Wanna come back to my room and see my 166mhz Pentium? 

7.  How about you and I go back to my place and form a covalent bond? 

8.  You and I would add up better than a Riemann sum. 

9.  You're sweeter than glucose. 

10.  We're as compatible as two similar Power Macintoshes. 

11.  Why don't we measure the coefficient of static friction between you and
me? 

12.  Wanna see the programs in my HP-48GX? 

13.  Your body has the nicest arc length I've ever seen. 

14.  Isn't your e-mail address beautifulgirl@mydreams.com 

15.  You're hotter than a Bunsen burner set to full power!

Second note: A man, his wife, and their eight children are waiting at a bus
stop.  A blind man joins the group. The bus arrives.  The blind man and the
husband are forced to walk because there's just no more room on the bus.

As they walk together, the tapping of the blind man's cane starts to irritate
the other man.  Finally, the man says, "You know, that's pretty irritating.
Why don't you put a rubber on the end of that stick?"

The blind man retorts:  "If you'd put a rubber on the end of *your* stick,
we'd BOTH be on that bus."

Third note: One day Charlie the embalmer says to his boss, "There's a problem
with Mrs. Whittaker."

The boss says, "What's that?"

Charlie says, "I was getting her cleaned up when I noticed a jumbo shrimp
sticking out of her pussy."

The boss says, "That's impossible. Show me."

They go to the table where she's lying. Charlie flips back the sheet, points,
and says, "See? There's a jumbo shrimp sticking out of her pussy."

The boss takes a closer look and says, "You jerk, that's not a piece of
shrimp. That's her clit."

Charlie says, "Her clit? Well, it sure tasted like shrimp."

Fourth note:  New Zealanders are lonely people.  They sometimes have bizarre
insights into human existence.  I got the following story from a New
Zealander:

An Aborigane and an Italian are driving through the outbacks. Both are tired ,
when suddenly they see a dingo with its head caught in a fence. The aboriganee
slams on the brakes, jumps out of the car, and drops his pants. The Italian
sits looking on in stunned silence as his mate boinks this dingo. When he is
finished , he turns to his mate and says " OK, Giuseppe, it's your turn now " 

The  italian just sits there, not knowing what to do; and his mate says,
"Don't worry; it doesn't hurt." 

So the Italian gets out of the car and slips his head into the fence next to
the dingo.

Fifth note:  I occasionally make typographical mistakes.  Last issue I gave
DG's "Blood and Sand" conflicting ratings of 10-10-10 and 10-8-8.  When
conflicts of this kind occur, the rating in the index (table of contents) is
almost always the correct one.  I often copy the ratings at the end of one
review and paste them at the end of the next.  In the present case, I
remembered to change the name of the story, but I neglected to change the
numeric ratings.  At any rate, "Blood and Sand" is an excellent story.  At the
present time it is a contender for the Number One story of April.

Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste@aol.com.

- Celeste

      "Flowers" by Lord Malinov (rebound sex with a friend)
            10, 10, 10
           http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=345153239

      "Christmas Presents" by Friar Dave (poignant sex story)
            10, 10, 10
           {Not posted yet}

      "Berries" by Uther Pendragon (pioneer teen sex) 10, 10, 10
           http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344229979 

      "Sports Bra" by stcheese (intramural sex) 10, 10, 10
           http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=345531752 

      "Never" by Morgan Preece (sexy poem) 10, 10, 10
           http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343017512 

Guest Reviews:

      "False ID" by Kathy B
           http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344368484

      "Dreams" by DickD (stroke fiction)
           http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343594527 (*)
           http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343594538 (*)
           http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343594544 (*)
           http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343698830 (*)
           http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343790597 (*)
           http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343790590 (*)
           http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343790611 (*)
           http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343790635 (*)
           http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343805673 (*)
           http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343805678 (*)
           http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343805683 (*)
           (*) Repost not by author.

      "Lara's Defeat" by Dimitri
           http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344380061
           http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344380074 
           http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344380067 
           http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344380081 

      "Baby" by EzRiter 
           http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=342543706

      "Playing with grace" by James Dawson {SPAM}  --,--,--
	
      "Miscommunication" probably by yarblack@aol.com {dynamic 
            slut wife sex} 8, 10, 10
           http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=345562291 
           http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=345558883 
           http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=345558882
           http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=345558879
	

Reposted Reviews:

    * "Dating Ritual" by Michael K. Smith (rough adolescent
            sex) 10, 10, 10
           http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=237591430 (*)
           (*) Repost not by Author

    * "The Big Time" by Michael K. Smith (emerging adolescence)
            10, 10, 10
           http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=274597954 (*)
           (*) Repost not by Author

    * "Old Friends" by D.A. Ignatius (romance & adventure)
           9, 10, 10
           http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344763241 (*)
           (*) Repost not by Author

    * "Donna Murrey: Night Nurse" by Leo Sanderson (sex with nurse)
            7.5, 8, 7
           http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=298812459 

    * "Ice Cream Sundae" by BronwenSM (British FF sex)
            10, 10, 10
           http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344607536 

    * "My Boyfriend's Back" by losgud (ff sex & threesome) 10, 9, 9
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=309642677 

========================
On this day in Celestial History..
          Celestial Reviews #77 - April 20, 1996
========================

     * "Scarlett's Cove" by Ann Douglas (hot lesbian romance) 
            10, 10, 10
           http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=308963347 

     * "Old Friends" by D.A. Ignatius (romance & adventure)
           9, 10, 10
           http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344763241 (*)
           (*) Repost not by Author

* = Repost of previous review (because the story has recently been
      reposted)

"Flowers" by Lord Malinov (malinov@mindless.com). {Link:
{http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=345153239} Our narrator has been
dumped by Melanie and is in a bar, seeking consolation from Sarah whom he
likes like a little sister, but who isn't his type, even though she has
repeatedly professed her love for him. The alcohol renders him a sentimental
idiot, and he badly wants to express his gratitude to this angelic friend.  So
they have wonderful sex together, and he wakes up the next morning at home and
alone.

That's about it - except for the thought provoking ending; but you'll have to
read the story to find out about that.

The story is told from the perspective of the guy the morning after.  I have
always wondered how drunks could recall so many details in order to relate a
story like this so accurately.  Or maybe they can't.

Ratings for "Flowers"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Christmas Presents" by Friar Dave (friar_dave@mhbbs.com). {Link: Not posted
yet.} O'Hara, a rich guy who is lonely on Christmas Eve in New York City, has
arranged for a call girl to visit him.  He likes to talk, and so we get some
interesting details about the hooker's development, beginning with her selling
sexual favors to her brother when she was eight years old, while she marvels
at the night sights outside the penthouse window.

They quote philosophy to each other for a while, and it turns out she used to
read his stories on the Internet. For a long time O'Hara had devoted his life
to being socially responsible, and he's trying to make a comeback.  At times
this story borders on the depressing, but it manages to remain tender and
poignant.

In a way, what Friar Dave here is an interesting and sexy version of one of my
occasional tirades about socially responsible sex.

This story has lots of typos. The author must have neglected to run a simple
spellcheck. But overall, this is a very nice Christmas story - even in April.

Ratings for "Christmas Presents"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Berries" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). {Link:
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344229979} Aurora and Lawrence are
teenagers in love back in pioneer days in America.  On this particular day
they have been observing a bull mating with the local cows, and this has been
giving Aurora and Lawrence ideas and urges of their own.  Their passion is not
alleviated when they suddenly find themselves watching a man and a woman from
a wagon train frolicking in the woods.  After watching, they move to a more
private area and make love to each other.

But all of the action in the previous paragraph is actually part of a story
that Larry is telling Dawn in modern times, while he fondles and caresses her.
It's the ole sex story within a sex story technique, and the author brings it
off very nicely.

Ratings for "Berries"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Sports Bra" by stcheese (stcheese@hotmail.com). {Link:
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=345531752} Having giving straight 10s
to the first three stories I reviewed for this issue, I decided to find a
story that would disabuse my readers of the notion that my ratings have been
getting too high lately.  "Sports Bra."  Now there's a lame-ass story if I
ever saw one.

But dammit!  I start reading the story and soon I'm on the edge of my seat.
The college guy has come out of the library after a really rough day and a
sexy woman in the eponymous sports bra comes up to him, gives him a sexy kiss,
and whispers, "Play along!" Well, at least I got to say "eponymous" in this
review.  I really like that word.

Allegedly, this woman has noticed that she was being stalked by a creepy
pervert, and she needs our non-eponymous hero to supply some security.  My own
suspicions at this point are that she's a roving nymphomaniac or has lost a
sorority bet.  Wrong again.

She's Serena.  He's Cal.  She thinks he has saved her life.  I think that
makes them blood-siblings, but maybe that's only in the Inuit culture.  But
then they would have rubbed noses instead of kissing.  But I digress.

Meanwhile, Cal has swollen up tremendously.  No, it's not what you think.  He
hurt his ankle playing intramural softball that afternoon.  And no, it did not
happen in Taria's short story of that title.  Serena is a sports medicine
major; so she offers to do something about his engorged body part, as
compensation for his saving her ass.  And a lovely ass it is.

On the way to her dorm, they come upon - er, see - a strange-looking guy near
the soccer field with his shorts pulled down to his ankles, jerking off.  They
think this is Serena's stalker, but I think this was just a soccer goalie.
Goalkeepers have very little to do in most college soccer games, and this sort
of activity is not at all unusual.

Serena is wearing a Nike ensemble.  You know their motto: "Be the best that
you can be."  Just kidding: "Just do it!"  They just follow the motto -
eventually.

Serena has a roommate.  But she goes shortly after they get there.  I'll bet
you thought she was going to come.  Then Serena goes to talk to the RA. That's
an Egyptian sun god, I think.  Then at 2:15 a.m., they start giggling and
decide to take a shower together.  To do this, Serena removes her sports bra,
but the title of the story stays the same.  Soon Cal experiences additional
swelling.  Eventually they have sex, several times.

This is a very good story.  It reads like a story written by an authentic,
creative college student.  My main suggestion to the author is to get a better
name.

Ratings for "Sports Bra"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Never" by Morgan Preece (morganpreece@anon.nymserver.com). {Link:
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343017512 } Fuck it!  Surely a poem
won't get straight 10s!  But this one does.

Back in the days before I wrote these reviews, I used to have time to read the
comics in my local newspaper.  One of my favorites was Calvin and Hobbes.
Calvin used to have "opposite days."  Like Calvin, the author of this poem
describes what NOT to do to make a woman happy; but the poem gives a
delightful description of exactly how to make a woman melt in your arms.

I often say that good poetry differs from greeting card verse.  However, I
would be quite happy to open a greeting card and read this poem.

Fuck it!  If you want a bad story this week, go find one for yourself!

Ratings for "Never"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"False ID" by Kathy B (zpariah@aol.com). {Link:
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344368484} Guest Review by R'khaan
(rkhaan@ix.netcom.com).

"False ID" by Kathy B is a delightful short story in which Kathy, after
looking in the mirror one day, realizes her life has been pretty much all work
and no play.  So, she decides to lose some weight and rediscovers her sex
drive, doing whatever it takes to rekindle the relationship with her husband,
Brian, whom Kathy describes as "plain vanilla."  Finally, frustrated and even
hornier than ever, Kathy and Brian separate for a couple of months.

During this time, old Brian figures out what the deal is and returns with an
idea he thinks will set things right.

Brian suggests Kathy should revive her college alter ego, "Connie Sutherland,"
a name Kathy used on a fake ID.   Brian makes his pitch, suggesting a little
"authorized infidelity" would be just the thing to spice up their
relationship, finishing off with the news of having a date for "Connie."  It
takes a little doing on Jack's part, but Kathy/Connie agrees to go out with a
guy named Jack, an acquaintance of Brian.

After meeting Jack and discovering he's Black, Connie and her date have dinner
and go dancing, after which Jack gives her one hell of a goodnight kiss,
leaving Kathy wondering which way was up.  She returns home and shares the
evening's activities with Brian, who now appears to be more kinky than she
suspected!

The author's depiction of the sexual liaison between "Connie" and Jack is
fairly stereotypical of first-time interracial sex involving Blacks and non-
Blacks - but stimulating nonetheless. The moral of this story is every
relationship can use some spicing up - you just have to find the right spice.
With Kathy and Brian, all they needed was some salt and pepper :-).

This story was nicely written, save a couple of formatting boo-boos.  I would
have liked to seen the story end with a focus on the impact this escapade had
on Kathy's and Brian's relationship, but we sort of get the idea things worked
out well.

Good job, Kathy B!

Ratings for "False ID"
R'khaan (technical quality): 8
R'khaan  (plot & character): 6
R'khaan (appeal to reviewer):7

"Dreams" by DickD (dickd49@aol.com). {Link: See TOC.} Guest review by Fiddler.

When first you read this story, you notice that none of the characters is
dreaming.  The whole story, however, is really plotted like a dream.  The
transition from one event to the next makes a certain kind of sense, but the
third event has no relationship to the first.

Aside from the first (very short) chapter the author provides us with plenty
of sex.  The male first narrator starts by telling us about a trip to a
lakeside party which we, but not he, realize is going to be an orgy.  After
reporting on one sex scene which he sees and hears, however, he stops to tell
us about his former girlfriend.  We never get down to the lake.

Chapters 3 and 11 are mostly about his experience with his girlfriend, Kathy.
Chapters 4 through 10 are his third-person account of what she had gone
through with another boyfriend, Doug, and another couple, Karen and Jim.
Chapter 12 is Kathy's first-person account of being raped by some guys whom
she was using to make Doug jealous.  Chapters 13 through 17 are Karen's
version of the same events.  It's hard to reconcile Kathy's relationship to
Doug with her relationship to the first narrator.  

None of that matters very much.  This is stroke fiction, and it provides lots
of sex, consensual, nonconsensual, oral, anal, vaginal, observed.  It also
gives us (when you ignore the first narrator's chapters) a reasonable
development of passion and romantic involvement.

Ratings for "Dreams":
Athena:   6
Venus:    8
Fiddler:  9

"Lara's Defeat" by Dimitri (dimitri_resides@hotmail.com). {Link: See TOC.}
This review is the personal opinion of Kim, who can be contacted at
ghost@nym.alias.net.

This is the first piece of fan fiction I've read with the one and only Lara
Croft as star. Whatdya mean, "Who's Lara Croft?" She's the rockinginst,
sexiest, most belligerent adventure babe ever to grace a computer game. She's
been in two adventures of her own so far, with a third planned for Christmas
next year. She's appeared on film at U2 concerts, in a German pop video, and
is soon to star in a live action movie from Paramount. She and the Spice Girls
are the new hip icons of British youth (though I don't think they'd use the
word "hip" anymore.)

Blessed with enormous breasts, more firepower than Saddam Hussein, a
spectacularly short temper, gazelle like athletic ability, and a total
disregard for any and all endangered species of animal (which includes men),
Lara is the living embodiment of grrrl power.

After all that gushing praise for the star, what of this story? Well, this is
a prequel to Lara's first video game adventure, Tomb Raider, and employs some
of the characters from that. Her soon-to-be arch-rival, Pierre, embroils her
in some tomb-raiding to assist some Prof or other, to gain access to a sealed
burial chamber in Egypt.

At first Pierre and Lara bicker and trade insults, but, being as this is an
ASS/M story, they're soon fucking furiously, Lara being a bit peeved that
Pierre should have taken up with a stewardess on the flight to Cairo.

After much adventuring, a bit more copulating, some shootouts, and another
fuck, the story ends at the opening sequence to the first video game, which
funnily enough has no fucking in it at all.

As a story, I really enjoyed it. OK, it's not Alistair Maclean or anything,
but not bad by any means. The sex was fairly stereotyped, but I kinda expect
that in most ASS stories. The author seems obsessed with thumb knuckles
rubbing clitorises for some reason, and he also seemed to want to go through
as many names for the female genitals as he could.

Even when Lara's masturbating, it has to be while she's dreaming of cock, and
she fucks herself with three fingers, rather than simply rubbing herself.
Still, it's written by a guy, whatdya expect? <smile>.

I enjoyed this as a major Tomb Raider fan, but I suspect it's not good enough
to be liked by a non-Tomby as either, a straight sex story, or as a strong
enough adventure in its own right. So fans only, possibly.

Ratings for "Lara's Defeat"

Athena (technical quality): 9 (Good, just not brilliant)
Venus (plot & character): 9 (Plenty of action, intrigue and adventure)
Kim (appeal to reviewer): 8 (I would had liked more adventure and
      less repetitive sex)

"Baby," submitted by EzRiter (posted by Don Ellis <dee@onramp.net>).  {Link:
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=342543706} Guest Review by R'khaan
(rkhaan@ix.netcom.com).

Sam and Mandy Johnson started out as many of us would like to. They fell in
love at an early age and set about the task of starting a family.  All sweet
and innocent - until a trip to Vegas where Sam caught the gambling bug,
quickly finding himself $20,000 in the hole and in deep shit with his bookie,
a very large and very dangerous Black man, David Winston White, affectionately
known as "Baby."

There were a lot of things I liked about this story, like Baby's interesting
way of collecting on Sam's gambling debts.  Most of all, I loved the way Mandy
defended her daughters, standing up to the imposing Black bookie as any mother
would to protect them from Sam's downfall and Baby's rather interesting
collection techniques.

However, from this point on, the events take on a rather astonishing change as
Mandy willingly gives herself to Baby, forcing Sam to watch as she gets bitten
by some stereotypically serious Black snake.  And, if Sam's humiliation wasn't
complete, Baby asks Mandy to have his baby, to which she readily agrees.

While reading this author's work, I found it a little corny at first - who
ever heard of a polite gangster?  However, as I continue to follow Sam's
predicament, I could understand why Mandy agreed to whore herself to Baby.
Nothing hurts a man more to only lose his wife to another man and know she's
going to have his baby; but to lose his existing children to the guy as well?
When you tack on Sam getting relegated to second string in his own bed and the
fact that all of this is happening right in his face and you have some pretty
humiliating shit going on here.

If I wanted to get even with my wife for losing everything we owned, this is
how I'd do it.

As it turned out, Mandy not only had Baby's child, but in the end sort of took
Baby as a second husband.  Sam finally got his act together, got rid of his
gambling habit, and the whole lot of them went on to live as happily as any
could under these conditions.

The sexual descriptions in the story were tastefully done and, overall, it was
fairly well written.  This story brings home a strong moral point:  If you
have a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER and get it under control.

Or Baby might come to visit one day.

Ratings for "Baby"
R'khaan (technical quality): 7
R'khaan  (plot & character): 7
R'khaan (appeal to reviewer):7

"Playing with Grace" by James Dawson (darkone@darkstories.com).  Guest review
by Sandman (sandman@bitsmart.com) 

Before I get to my "real" review I guess I really should jot down a quick note
about this "story."  Celeste sent it to me and I sent it right back to her
saying that it was nothing but Spam ­ basically the first third of a story
that stops before it even has the chance to get interesting. The only way to
find out if it's even remotely worthwhile (doubtful) is to go to the
advertised site and pay some hard earned cash on a story that's probably no
better than the other dozens of rape/humiliations stories that are posted to
ASS on a weekly basis.

I told Celeste that even a ranting, venting review would be more than this
story deserves.  But then I thought it over.  The CR readers deserve to know
about a story that would only end up wasting their time.  So consider yourself
warned. 

Ratings?  Ha!  It didn't even deserve this much.

"Miscommunication" by Yarblack (yarblack@aol.com).  {Link: See TOC.} Guest
review by Sandman (sandman@bitsmart.com)

Ok, you're a thirty-forty something and one day you discover that you're a
world-class workaholic when your wife asks you if you're having an affair.
You discover to your surprise you are, but the affair is your job.  When that
happens, it's time to start putting a little work into your marriage.  You do
this by dating your wife all over again, sharing fantasies, and having
adventurous sex.  Slowly she becomes that slut wife every male dreams of
having.  Well in this case the high-priced call-girl every male dreams of
having for a wife.

Seriously, think about it.  She starts feeling better about herself because
other men are interested in her (not to mention the sex-life has picked up
between you two).  You start seeing her as an object worthy of desire because
other men see her as an object of desire.  Hardly anyone stoops down to pick
up a penny these days, but what if it was a rare penny?  What if other people
wanted that penny?  See what I mean?  

Well, it sounded sensible while I was reading it.   The first part of this
story could be titled "how to put passion back in your marriage."  The first
part of this story was also a virtual cornucopia of summarized erotica plots
that had me thinking, "if this author had fleshed all this out this could be
the slut wife version of Mark Aster's Allen sisters."  Which is to say, the
author could have serialized this story almost forever without the readers
getting bored of the main characters.

The latter part of the story of course moves into the traditional gang-bang
the wife through a "miscommunication" that I won't give away.  And yes the sex
was hot.  I found the scene shortly after the first bar-room flirt to be
extraordinarily hot, if only because the anticipation and mystery was so
thick.  

In the gang-bang finale there is one small cliche where the wife discovers a
black man with a ten inch cock. No doubt there really are black men out there
with ten inch cocks and I suppose it's quite possible that such a man would be
in the right place at the right time to be included in this story.

In a previous slut wife story review, I said such stories are about power.
This story, however did not exactly fit into that mold.  That's not to say
slut wife fans will be disappointed, far from it.  But there's no power-trip
here, only two interesting people whose fantasy lives have crossed over into
their real lives.  As Celeste's vicarious thrills go, this was one hell of an
enjoyable ride.

There were a few problems with the story, all of them in Athena.  This story
could use a 
good proof.  Aside from the occasional misused word and rough sentences, there
are no blank 
lines between the paragraphs (again space is not a valuable commodity to be
hoarded!). 
But most serious of all, there's a formatting glitch that causes the story to
read like this
paragraph.

Those are the problems.  I suggest you ignore them because the plot and
characters are rock solid and I think you'll find the appeal to be worthwhile
even if you normally don't go in for slut wife or badly formatted stories :-)

Ratings for "Miscommunication"
Athena (technical quality): 8 -- Hard to read but worth it.
Venus (plot & character): 10
Sandman (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Dating Ritual" by Michael K. Smith (mksmith@metronet.com). {Link:
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=237591430} This is a vivid description
of a date during which the fifteen-year-old girl is forced by peer pressure to
engage in sex that isn't very pleasant for her.  I'm sure many people will
read this as a description of a really great date or of the "good ole days."
I found it to be a brutally realistic but sad story.  I never went out on a
date with a boy who forced me into anal sex or made me lick his cock clean
after he stuck it into my ass.  {I might add that although I myself enjoy
consensual anal sex; anal rape is likely to be painful and unhealthy.  The
anal orifice doesn't self-lubricate during arousal, as does the pussy; and so
when some jerk forces himself in, the activity is likely to tear tissue.  This
may sound like fun; but it can lead to medical problems.  In addition, anal
rape in real life is a very good way to get and give AIDS.}  I never dated
anyone just to prove that I could take his cock just as well as any other slut
could.  I know girls who acted like that, and I don't know any of them who
look as happy at this time of life as I feel.  I guess I'm lucky I bought into
my parents' system of morality and self respect.

I try not to do moral lectures, and I know there are no teenagers reading this
review or this story.  Here is my lecture.  Don't do what they do in this
story.  Have sex only with someone you love and trust.  But it's OK to read
this story as soon as you're old enough so that nobody is breaking any laws.

This is still a good story.  I just suggest that you think twice if you think
this sounds like a lot of fun.  I don't think the author saw it that way, nor
did I.

Ratings for "Dating Ritual"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "The Big Time" by Michael K. Smith (mksmith1@swbell.net). {Link:
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=274597954} The 18-year-old narrator is
sunbathing on the patio when she is surprised by her little sister's
boyfriend, and so she has a little fun by flirting with him and getting him to
ogle her.  Then she gives him some sex education - simple things like how to
apply sun tan lotion, how to French kiss, how to suck nipples.... The kid
takes lessons really well.  Then the next day he applies what he has learned
to the narrator's younger sister.  In addition to being sexy, this story is
actually kind of touching.

Ratings for "The Big Time"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Old Friends" by D.A. Ignatius (jash@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu). {Link:
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344763241} This is the longest and
most complex story I have yet read in the DarkNites series.  I see
similarities between this story and the typical Dirty Dawg story.  Since I am
going to review the Dawg's "Lisa" next, I'll compare the two.

Both stories center around a friendship or love relationship that has been
incomplete or has gone bad in the past; and now the former lovers are thrown
back together with a chance to set things right.  A major difference is that
Dirty Dawg views life more simply; when people screw up a relationship, they
should simply realize what they were missing and be nice to each other - very
nice to each other.  The present story, on the other hand focuses on the
struggles for power that are so often present to screw up relationships - and
to make them really interesting.  The story is full of ebb and flow - ying and
yang - that shifts in rhythm with the events of the story or when the author
creatively changes perspective. 

Taken in isolation, the present story has hotter sex.  By that I mean that if
you want to get your lover going, you could probably find a couple of
paragraphs that you could read out loud until he/she would interrupt you by
jumping your bones.  But taken in its context, the Dawg's sex is pretty hot
too.  That is, you may not be able to find a short passage in "Lisa" that is
equally amenable to bone jumping; but when I read the whole story I came away
with a warm, wet, and wonderful feeling that helped make me and my husband
about as happy as the quicker fix supplied by the present story.

I don't want to overemphasize the importance of the power struggles in "Old
Friends."  There's much more to this story than power struggles.  There's the
focus on the difference between young love and mature love.  There's the man's
sudden realization of his own beauty when his beautiful lover finds him to be
desirable.  And there's much more.

This story could have benefited from a final proofreading.  The omitted
apostrophes and missing articles are a minor annoyance - even grammar
goddesses make petty mistakes.  In one case, however, I was seriously confused
by the verb tense.  The author shifted into a flashback without making it
clear to me that she had done so.  Only after I had read several paragraphs
did I say to myself, "Wait a minute!  This has been a description of something
that happened ten years earlier!"  When I checked back, I discovered that the
author was right: if I would have read more carefully, I would have caught the
flashback.  But this isn't a reading test to separate the Honors Students from
the less inspired pupils; and so I think a simple shift in verb tense - in
this case saying "She HAD BEEN wearing a maroon sundress...." instead of "She
was wearing...." - would have made the timing crystal clear.  There was no
need for this confusion; this author is a brilliant writer.  Had she simply
made one more careful swing through this story, she would probably have
noticed mistakes like these herself.  Even better, she should capture an
intelligent potential sex partner and make him proofread the story before she
agrees to do to him some of the interesting things that transpire in this
story.

Ratings for "Old Friends"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Donna Murrey: Night Nurse" by Leo Sanderson. {Link:
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=298812459 } Guest review by Anne747
(Anon747@aol.com).

I have a couple of mixed opinions about this piece.  First let's talk about
the theme/plot of the story.  The narrator of the story, Ron, is involved in
an accident and breaks both wrists.  After a period of time he becomes
involved with the night nurse, who has some interesting ideas of therapy. I
remember years ago watching a rather tacky, but arousing porn flick about
nurses.  I don't know, I'm guessing the appeal is the outfit - maybe the white
is a purity thing.  The thrill seems to be about them ‘coming out' of their
shell.

So, the story has some potential.  One minor flaw that should be fixed is the
formatting.  I'm talking about mainly punctuation here - sometimes no spaces
after commas, sometimes a space before, sometimes a period instead.  It's just
slightly distracting, it draws your eye away from what you're reading.  The
writer has also tried to build a little tension by delaying the sexual
activities, kind of a slow burn idea.  It just could do with a few changes to
make it work better.  A few scenes seem to end very abruptly. Perhaps a few
sentences here and there could fix it.  (If the author is reading this - I'd
be quite happy to give you a specific example of what I mean.)

Now, it has been brought up a number of times that proofreading is important.
I've found it is still possible to miss errors when I do my own, so it does
help to have someone else do this.  However, a spell check is a must, really.
There are some obvious spelling errors which could be eliminated easily.  As a
matter of fact, most spell checks will help you pick up some of the formatting
errors too.  If you're into the naughty nurse thing though, most of these
things likely won't bother you too much (okay, well it will bother some).  I
think actually with a little work, it could be a much better piece.

Oh, and if I may be indulged a mini ‘pet peeve'.... avoid using cock sizes and
bra sizes.  I have been impressed by many things over the years with the men I
have dated.  Just having a large cock is not one of them.  It may also be a
cliche, but size doesn't matter.  Frankly, it's other talents I'm much more
interested in <grin>.

Ratings for "Donna Murrey: Night Nurse"
Athena (technical quality): 7.5
Venus (plot & character): 8
Anne747 (appeal to reviewer): 7

* "Ice Cream Sundae" by Bronwen (bronwensm@writehand.clara.net). {Link:
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344607536} This is a very nice story!
Two female friends get drunk together, complain about men, go back to the
room, and make love.  Just what I'd like to do if I were female.  Well,
something like that.  The writing is sound, the characters are agreeable, the
sex is hot and not drawn-out.  I do have two problems with the story:

(1) it's in a foreign language.  That is to say, it's in English, and I speak
American.  What does "pissed as a fart" mean?  What's a "duvet"? What are
"DMs"?  Most of the foreign words occur during the setup, however; the sex
itself seems internationally worded.  (This isn't really a problem, of course,
it's actually great fun.  "Bollocks to this for a game  of soldiers" will
stick in my mind for years, or at least days.)

(2) the narrator has never made love to a woman before, and this particular
woman is a friend of hers.  I would normally expect this to figure a little
more in the story, contribute to some tension, some fear of making a wrong
move, of having messed up the friendship, of being a Pervert, whatever.  But
both ladies take the whole thing VERY casually.  Which shows admirable
rationality on their parts, but does deprive us the readers of some
potentially sexy and heartwarming emotional-tension stuff (the kind of stuff
that's all too rare in sex-writing).  Maybe next time!  <grin>

Overall, a good story, and particularly interesting to F/F fans, Brit-fans,
and non-skinny-lady fans (you'll have to read the story to find out why that
last bit).

Ratings for "Ice Cream Sundae" (added by Celeste):
Technical Quality: 10
Plot & Character: 10
Appeal to Reviewer: 10

* "My Boyfriend's Back" by losgud (lushgod@hotnomail.com). {Link:
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=309642677} Ah, the ambiguity of the
apostrophe.... Denise's boyfriend has gone on a business trip to Iowa, leaving
her alone with her hot pussy on a weekend in New York.  So her friend Kimbra,
who has just broken up with her own boyfriend, comes over to drink wine and
watch movies.  They are surprised to find that one of the movies is an ff porn
flick, and that gives them ideas; and since they're both horny as hell,
they're off to the races.

They both discover that they still respect each other in the morning; and so
they continue to stimulate each other intensely until the boyfriend arrives
home unexpectedly.  But that's the point of the title of the story - first the
two ladies go at it madly BEHIND his back, and then they go at it with him ON
his back.  And you thought the title had something to do with a 60's song!

The sex is hot, and the descriptions are vivid.  This is a very good story, if
what you're interested in is a sexual romp.

Ratings for "My Boyfriend's Back"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

* "Scarlett's Cove" by Ann Douglas (AnnD55@NYC.Pipeline.Com). {Link:
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=308963347} As I understand it, Ann
Douglas has become anxious about the possibilities of censorship and related
repression on the Internet and has withdrawn from posting her stories with
this newsgroup.  I heard she has started her own newslist, to which she
circulates her stories, and so I thought she wasn't going to post on a.s.s.
anymore. Therefore, I was surprised to find this story in the postings.  I
don't know how it got there, but I'm glad it did.

The story centers around the visit of two friends to a Caribbean Club Med type
resort that caters to lesbians and bisexuals.  Although both women are
lesbians, they are not habitual lovers - just friends.  After some preliminary
fun, Jeanette finds that Arlene has entered her into a sort of charity
bachelor auction - the other women will bid to have Jeanette for their date
for the evening.  I think I have told you enough about the story.  It's a hot
plot with hot sex.  I might add that Jeanette is a high school teacher and
many of us often wish we could touch our favorite students the way she does -
but somebody might take that comment the wrong way.

Ann writes many different kinds of stories, and I enjoy them all; but this
story is a good example of what Ann does best: an interesting and sexy plot
woven into an exotic environment embellished with accurate information about
varied cultures.  In addition, the author enriches the narrative with sexy
flashbacks and side plots that heighten the tension and allure of the main
storyline.

As I have said many times before, although I suspect that all sensible women
would enjoy sexual activities like those described in this story, I myself
have never engaged in full genital lesbian or bisexual activity.  However,
after reading this story, my defenses have begun to crumble.  If by some
chance I would ever be bereaved of this wonderful guy that humps me on demand
like Mark Aster's studly hero and then found myself on an exotic Caribbean
island with a beautiful, rich former student who was professing her love for
me after purchasing me for an exorbitant price in a charity auction - well, I
might give it a thought.  Hell, I think I'll give it a thought right now!

I'm reminded of the words of my daughter, who every year proclaims that "this
is my best birthday ever."  This is the best story ever by Ann Douglas.

Ratings for "Scarlett's Cove"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
