Celestial Reviews 317 – February 28, 1999

Note: A tall woman met a midget at a party. Although the midget was barely
three feet tall, they were attracted to each other.

After a few drinks they went back to the tall woman's apartment.

"I can't imagine what it will be like making love to a midget," said the
woman, "especially with the size difference and all."

"Just take off your cloths, lie back on the bed, spread your legs apart, and
close your eyes," said the midget. "I'll make you happy."

The woman did as she was told, and soon she felt the biggest thing she'd ever
experienced inside her.

Within a few minutes the woman had climaxed eight times.

"If you think that was good," said the midget with a smirk, "Just wait till I
get BOTH legs in there!"

Second note: I don't know what I did for humor when you folks weren't sending
me this stuff:

The Top 15 Christian-Coalition-Approved Nicknames for Breasts: 

15.	Democrat Catchers 

14.	NFRU (Not for Recreational Use) 

13.	Pastor Baiters 

12.	Mounds of Shame 

11.	Heavenly Canteens 

10.	Pearly Weights 

9.	Hooteronomies 

8.	Pizza Pizza 

7.	Sweater Undulations 

6.	The Daughters of Lactiticus 

5.	Racks of lambs of God 

4.	Communion Woofers 

3.	First and Second Mammalonians 

2.	Pamela 36:D 

and the Number 1 Christian Coalition-Approved Nickname for Breasts... 

1.	Beelzeboobs

Third note: I noticed somebody in a.s.s.d. giving me grief for being cliquish
because I review stories for some sort of in-group. I'd like to point out that
of the twelve stories I reviewed myself in CR 316, six were by authors whose
work I had never reviewed before. Of the twelve stories in the current issue
(CR 317) that I have reviewed at the time I am writing this sentence, seven
are by authors I don't think I have reviewed before. Two others are by authors
whose work I have seen for the first time only within the last week; but I
liked it so much that I have grabbed onto a second story this quickly. The
stories reviewed by the guest reviewers represent an equally diverse lot. If
this is a clique, I guess maybe I had better get busy and introduce the
members of this clique to one another!

If you DO want me or a guest reviewer to review your story, try the following:

(1) Make the title creative but clear.

(2) Proofread the story before you post it. If you need proofreading help,
contact me and I'll put you in touch with someone.

(3) Take special care to make the opening paragraphs of your story
interesting. Make me (and others) WANT to read your story.

(4) Consider your audience. If you wrote your story as stroke material for
someone special, consider that maybe you will have to revise it if you want
someone beyond that small group to enjoy it.

(5) I STRONGLY recommend bouncing the story off at least one or two trial
readers before you go to press and incorporating their suggestions into the
final product.

(6) Use formatting and grammar that make readers think you give a damn about
them.

(7) Send me a copy of the story or a note telling me where my guest reviewers
or I can find it. Or mark it with an asterisk in brackets <*> when you post
it. Otherwise, I just grab stories that appeal to me off a.s.s.m. or a.s.s.

If you DON'T want me to review your stories, try the following:

(1) Post it in incomplete format (e.g., part 3/?).

(2) Label it ambiguously or with headers that don't appeal to me (e.g., Mf+,
best, vomit, snuff).

(3) Use a second person narrative format that will appeal to only one other
person in the entire world.

(4) Use really sloppy formatting and/or grammar, especially in the first
paragraph or two of the story. In other words, give your readers the
impression that you aren't interested in making the story conveniently
readable for them. 

(5) Send me a note and tell me to leave your stories alone.

Fourth note: Wijit recently posted this advice in a.s.s.d. to someone entering
upon that long-term sexual commitment known as marriage:

<<Now is probably a bad time for pragmatism, but ... a suggestion, if I may
...

Think about taking out some insurance ..., ie go for some pre-marital
counseling with your respective fiances.

1) It will be an eye-opener - you will discover things about each other that
will astound both of you.
2) No matter what is discovered, neither of you will regret the discoveries in
the long run.
3) It is highly likely that you will both view the experience as the best
thing you ever did for yourselves and each other.>>

I feel compelled by conscience to put in a word of agreement. In the stories
posted with this newsgroup (as with movies and television shows) we see hot
sex and hot fantasies. There's no time for sensible things, like counseling.
The people in these stories often achieve ecstatic happiness; but in real life
the odds of that happening increase astronomically if the partners (1) talk to
each other (or one another, if you can handle the raunchy grammatical
allusion) and (2) talk to an intelligent outsider when problems arise.

I mean, I didn't ask for a shrink's consent before I gave my husband that
memorable blowjob while we watched that other couple make love on the roof of
that hotel fifteen years ago, nor does any counselor know how often I go out
in public without underwear; but my husband and I have talked to counselors.
We have also participated in "marriage encounter groups" -– which involved no
groupsex but plenty of individual sex and lots of communication and values
clarification; and we are glad we have done so.

So enjoy the stories, but keep them in perspective when you decide to do
something significant that might alter your life or that of another person.

=====================
Celestial Reviews Index:
=====================

"Moments" by Neos Fyllo {romance} 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=446062647

"A Return to Romance" by Mira {romance} 7, 7, 7
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=417302907

"36,000 Feet" by Caesar {mile high sex} 8, 9.5, 9
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=441900806

"The Shower" by Tiramisu {shower sex} 9, 9, 9
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=416318091

"Erotic Shower" by Hotscribe {shower sex} 9, 8.5, 8
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=416451574

"Corruption of the Innocent" by Mark Aster {hot foursome}
      10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=446355629

"Wishful Thinking" by Tiramisu {business meeting fantasy}
      10, 9, 9
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=446432981

"A New Outlook on Life" by Rosa {sex in the barber shop} 9, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=445265104

"Shy Young Wife (Revisited)" by Mick {wife watching} 8, 5, 3
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=436260200

"Climbing" by Poison Ivan {sex in the great outdoors} 10, 10, 10
DejaNews http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=423890875
His site http://members.tripod.com/~poisoniv1/climb.html

BTW look like you have reviewed this story back in 256 and it was #1 for Feb
98
http://members.tripod.com/~poisoniv1/climbrev.html

"How I Do What I Do" by BlueWords (adolescent essay) 9.5, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=424164796

"Encore!" by Sundance (romance) 10, 8, 8
DejaNews http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=441610675
Also at http://extra.newsguy.com/~suntales/encore.htm
You do not list an email suntales@hotmail.com
Sundance as a site at http://extra.newsguy.com/~suntales

"Stroke Story" by MichaelD (stroke story) 10, 8, 8
DejaNews 
Part 1 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=438651342
Part 2 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=438651346
Part 3 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=438651350
At bitbard http://www.bitbard.pair.com/library/michaeld/stroke.html

"Thicker than Water" by Phil (brotherly love) 8, 8, 8
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=422435953
at his site http://www.xanadu2000.freeserve.co.uk/sister.htm
Phil has a site at http://www.xanadu2000.freeserve.co.uk

"Epiphany" by Sidney Durham (old/young romance) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=439301166

"E-Mail Love" by Jeff Klein (romantic e-mail) 6, 5, 5
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=447421892.1

"Penelope" by Nick (nostalgic retrospective) 9, 8, 8
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=447050586

"My Reward Ch 22" by Azil (mind control) 8, 5, 5
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=447048321

"Casey at the Bat" by Poison Ivan (baseball and sex) 10, 10, 10

"A Birthday Story" by James Bellamy (romantic birthday) 8, 8, 8

"Deciding" by Malinov (sexual ambivalence) 10, 9, 9

"From the Corner of 1st & Rowan East Los Angeles to Sunflower Alley" by R.A.
Mendoza (cold war military diary) 10, 9, 10
http://home.inreach.com/rianial/

=====================
Reposted Reviews Index:
=====================

{** = Link found at "The Dig" on BitBards site}

* "Shower Buddies" by Stone Wolf (humorous sexual
            escapades) 10, 10, 10
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/13539.txt **

* "Shower Surprise" by MD James (college sex) 10, 8, 8
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=195926973

* "Early Morning Love" by Summer's Rose (sex in the shower)
            10, 9, 9
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=309834277

* "Room 222: Hit the Showers" by Uncle Mike (sitcom 
            parody) 10, 9.5, 9.5
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=168930451

* "The Insatiable Flirt" by Anne747 (ff shower sex) 
            10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=260328521

* "Soft Ball or My Best Position" by Taria (shower sex)
            10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=323463004 **
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=323573731 **

* "April Showers" by Hawkeye (voyeurism & hot sex) 10, 10, 10
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=339651286

* "Showertime Shag" by The Provert (slutty shower sex)
            5, 5, 5
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=340672147

* "Sweets Stories: Shower Part 1" by Sweets1140 (multiple shower 
	masturbation). BillyG: 6, 6, 5
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12608.txt 
	---
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=367459539 

* "The Shower Tales: Maureen" by Steve R. (sex with voyeurism). Ivan: 6, 6, 7
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=172389526 

* "Shy Young Wife" by Mick (wife seduction). Jordan: 8, 7, 9.5
This one had a lot of reposts. I pick the ones with the best formatting (call
me picky)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=270407449
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=270414331

* "Fucking Celeste" by Mike Hunt (fucking Celeste) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=262932540 **

=====================
Guest Reviews Index:
=====================

"Michelle" by MichaelD {romance with young relatives}.
      Sundance: 10, 10, 9
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=418557721
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=418557735
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=418557728
BitBard http://www.bitbard.pair.com/library/michaeld/michelle.html

"Bringing Home the Boss" by Lambchop (happy threesome) 
Homer: 10, 7, 6
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=435572569

"Cat House" by Rosemerry (seduction and animal voyeurism)
Homer: 9, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=435943024

"Janey's October" by Janey (sexual behavior modification)
Website: http://members.tripod.com/~janey98
Homer: 9, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=448245017
http://members.tripod.com/~janey98/Janey_October.html

=====================
Here are the Reviews:
=====================

"Moments" by Neos Fyllo (neos@nym.alias.net).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=446062647

There's a legitimate sense in which one could argue that this "isn't really a
sex story." But there's also a sense in which this is a bestiality story
(after all, the dog does give birth while the couple exchange loving glances)
and another in which it's a pedophile story (since the parents obviously love
the child they adopt).

But if you believe (as I do) that there's more to romantic sex than organs
throbbing as bodies come together, then I think you'll agree that romantic sex
is what this story is all about.

So I'll be plain about it. This story contains nothing that I would call
explicit sex, but it's one of the sexiest short stories I have ever read. And
I guarantee you that to the extent you can infuse the attitudes and values
expressed in this story into your own romantic life, you'll have one helluva
great sex life – no matter what else happens.

My description is vague, but that's because anything I would say would be a
pale parody of this story of a man's trip though life with the woman he loves.
Read it! You won't be sorry.

Ratings for "Moments"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"A Return to Romance" by Mira (miramalin@aol.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=417302907

This is a short piece with seriously botched grammar. A simple rereading would
have enabled the author to align the tenses properly and to remove the other
distractions that mar this otherwise beautiful little story. I suspect the
story was actually written by two people, one writing in the present tense and
the other in the past.

Anyway, what we have here is a description of two people lying in each other's
embrace, sharing their memories of happiness and passion together.

Ratings for "A Return to Romance"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7

"36,000 Feet" by Caesar (caesar69@my-dejanews.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=441900806

For a moment I thought I was reading a pedophile story here. But then I
realized that the excruciatingly patient hand that was fondly caressing our
narrator as he traveled at 36,000 feet was featherlike, not fatherlike – an
entirely different and less Oedipal concept. If you think I had problems,
consider the narrator's own thoughts at this time: "Gawd, I prayed it was not
a man!"

You see, the poor guy has fallen asleep on the plane on his way home after a
business trip, and he's pretty sure that's not his wife who has been copping a
little more than a feel.

This is an extremely imaginative and sexy story.

Aside from some annoying typos and spelling errors, my only problem was that
the author assumes that calling the woman a slut somehow enhances the
experience. I'm sure that term COULD enhance the ambience for some people
participating in this activity, but it was a temporary turnoff for me.

By the way, there's a "Mile High Club" Web Site at
http://www.milehighclub.com/tales/tale34.html.

Ratings for "36,000 Feet"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"The Shower" by Tiramisu (tiramixu@my-dejanews.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=416318091

Sara comes home unexpectedly and catches her husband masturbating in the
shower. Instead of warning him about impending blindness, she watches for a
while. After she gets sufficiently turned on, she makes her presence known to
him. Since they have always been rather straitlaced in their marriage, he's
embarrassed; but she helps him work things out.

Just a word of advice, based on personal experience. When you do this sort of
thing, especially if you spend time watching first and then blindfolding your
partner after he watches you for a while, there's a good chance you'll run out
of warm water. I believe it was a 19th-century pope who said, "The sudden
onset of a cold shower can serve as an effective and morally acceptable form
of birth control." Just thought you might like to know. 

Ratings for "The Shower"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Erotic Shower" by HotScribe (mikaal@hotmail.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=416451574

After reading the preceding story, I decided to do a bit of a theme issue.
Thanks to John Dark, my database is now fixed, and I can find my old reviews
on any topic. So I popped in the word "shower," and I found that I had already
reviewed eleven stories that involved showers to one degree or another.

I LOVE erotic showers. To be perfectly honest, my realities have never yet
quite lived up to my expectations. That's because my fantasies regarding
showers are exceptionally high. I HAVE done some very good things to myself in
the shower, but the bath TUB surrounded by mirrors that reflect candles is
actually better. A Jacuzzi ain't bad either. 

But when it comes to sex with a partner in a shower, the accoutrements just
get in the way. For example, there are the handles to the faucets, and these
tend to get in the way. Also, it's practically necessary to do it standing up,
and his legs are too long for my body, unless we bend, and there's just not
room for that. Then there's the problem that the water suddenly turns cold
when the hot water runs out.

Therefore, long ago we decided that the shower was for foreplay and that the
ACT itself was to be consummated in the bedroom. The problem here is that it's
necessary to dry off if we don't want to soak the bed with ordinary H20. {I
just wanted to see if this automatic formatting would turn that 2 into a
subscript. It didn't. I should have just said water.} But – here's the kicker
– although the water makes us WET, it has the effect of making us extra DRY
after we dry off, because all the natural oils on the skin and (more
importantly) at the entrances to various orifices have been washed off. This
means that skin-to-skin contact can be a bit abrasive immediately after a
shower, and the insertion of a dry phallus into a dry opening that does not
have its own lubricants can be less pleasant than one would hope.

There are solutions, of course; and I intend to keep looking for the perfect
one. And shower sex CAN still be pretty good; it's just that I set my
standards so high because of fantasies brought on by stories like this and the
previous narrative that reality has not yet lived up to my fantasies.

Ratings for "Erotic Shower"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"Corruption of the Innocent" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=446355629

Sometimes I read a story and give it all 10's. Then after I write the review
and read my email and correct a few papers – in other words, after I let my
hormones stop frolicking, I come back to the review and knock a point off here
and a half point off there. 

So I gave this one my 10's and wrote the description of what the author does
so well, and then I came back and left the ratings alone on this one.

In case you're not familiar with this epic saga, let me give you the general
outline. Pat and Julie are the Allen Sisters, two marvelously endowed and well
adjusted young ladies with extraordinary sexual talents. The narrator of the
stories, whom I refer to as Our Hero but whom the author refuses to name
except by the lower-case designation hetboy, is married to or has at least
fathered a beautiful child with one of the sisters. It matters not at all
which sister; for they share Our Hero and themselves with the world at large.
Sometimes they fuck one another into mind-numbing ecstasy. Sometimes they
share their joy with somebody else, my favorite being Aurora Drake, whose name
alone could be enough to convert me from my monogamous lifestyle. This all
happens in a wonderful world – probably a place called Heaven – where no one
ever incurs a disease and where it never even remotely enters anyone's mind to
become jealous or possessive – a place where the lewd and lascivious, lithe
and luscious Aurora Drake can come and cum (in a different episode) without
anyone making fun of her marvelous name.

This episode is much like the seventy-five that have preceded it. Our Hero and
the Sisters are going at it, when Our Hero innocuously exclaims, "God, we're
happy!" "Such joy should be shared," chimes in Pat. And so, while the
aforesaid duo continue foreplay, Julie leaves the dwelling and shortly returns
with the Innocent mentioned in the title of the story. Fred doesn't at all
mind being corrupted.

What this author does really well is orchestrate simultaneous sexual activity
among three or more sexy people. I would try to explain it, but instead I'll
just suggest that you read the story.

Ratings for "Corruption of the Innocent"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Wishful Thinking" by Tiramisu (tiramixu@my-dejanews.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=446432981

Our narrator is at a boring meeting where people are engaging in monotonous
presentations about their wishful thinking for the company's future. And so,
she engages in some wishful thinking of her own; but her thoughts are actually
fantasies about Sally Hastings, the proper, professional, stiff accounting
manager who is running the slide presentation.

The fantasy is a good one. Improbable, but very good.

Ratings for "Wishful Thinking"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"A New Outlook on Life" by Rosa (rosa6262@yahoo.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=445265104

The author swears that this story is true. To be perfectly honest, I have my
doubts. I mean, if a woman giving a guy a haircut after the shop has closed
would take off her bra for an extra twenty bucks, her top for another fifty,
her pants for another hundred, and eventually give the guy a blowjob and then
finish with a full-penetration orgasm, what kind of character reference is she
likely to get for the veracity of her testimony?

Having said that, for didactic purposes I'm going to ask you to assume that I
assume she's telling the truth. My point is that this is an excellent example
of how to tell a true story in such a way that it's as interesting as an
untrue story. So often authors in this newsgroup go into too many details when
they tell their true stories or keep going way beyond the climax {the literary
climax, that is} or make some other mistake that drives their audience to
distraction.

This is not alt.sex.anthropology. It's alt.sex.stories. So tell us a story! If
you have a good story to tell, do it the way Rosa does it. And as far as I'm
concerned, you can lie your ass off and tell me that it's a true story, as
long as it's a good story. 

Ratings for "A New Outlook on Life"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Shy Young Wife (Revisited)" by Mick (caledonia_99@hotmail.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=436260200

This is a rewrite from a different perspective of a previous story. In the
original "Shy Young Wife" Mick described how he had seduced a wife and ruined
the marriage of a young couple. In this story he describes the same events
from the perspective of the cuckold husband.

Danny's shy young wife, Pam, has never had an orgasm during their lovemaking.
Initially, this was fine: she'd fuck and he'd come. Recently, she has cooled
off sexually. More recently, she has acted a bit strange – as in jerking him
off and pleasuring herself privately, but not letting him pleasure her. As in
giving him a great blowjob with the room so dark that nobody can see anybody.
As in wanting to be treated like some kind of whore. What's going on here?

Finally, the night comes when Pam brings home the Reason – a chap named Mick,
who happens to be the author of the story. He's been "training" Pam to be a
slut, and tonight he's going to screw her in front of her husband, if that
would be OK with him.

The story was "almost sexy" in a spooky way. Now, I haven't read the first
version of this story (which was reviewed by Jordan Shelbourne in a review
reposted later in this issue), and maybe I would have liked it better had I
seen the other half. However, the story is apparently supposed to stand alone;
and as such it leaves a lot of questions unanswered. I assume, for example,
that the emasculated hero has some sort of personality dysfunction that leads
him to act like a wimp, but I was given no explanation for his bizarre
behavior. Likewise, I didn't know whether there was some sort of "mind
control" explanation for the wife's equally grotesque behavior or for Mick's
apparently cruel and arbitrary mistreatment of the couple.

Both Danny and Pam are superficial, banal people, lacking in any
characteristics that I could admire. Some excellent authors (e.g., John
Updike) have taken such characters and infused them with personalities, but
that doesn't happen in this story.

Maybe people who are into the ritualistic wife-watching genre will recognize
the "code" and enjoy this story more than I did. And maybe I would enjoy the
story more if I read the first version – but what I've seen here doesn't fill
me with a driving urge to look for more of the same. It comes across as a
reasonably clear but insipid description of dysfunctional sex. I couldn't even
figure out whom I was supposed to feel sorry for.

Ratings for "Shy Young Wife (Revisited)"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 3

"Climbing" by Poison Ivan (poisoniv1@hotmail.com). Ivan has a web site at
http://members.tripod.com/~poisoniv1/.
DejaNews http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=423890875

"Good!" I exclaimed to myself. Then I clicked back on the story and continued
reading. Earlier in the day I had sent Roger a list of a dozen stories for
which I wanted him to find reviewers. I had made a deliberate attempt to
refrain from keeping all the good ones for myself. As I started reading this
story, it occurred to me that maybe it had been on that list. Fortunately, it
wasn't.

There are many ways to define a good story. For me, an important
characteristic is that the story must catch my attention up front. That's why
I like Edgar Allan Poe and hate Henry James. The present story had my
interest. Even if Roger had assigned the review to someone else, I was going
to have to read it.

What the author did to catch my attention was plunge me into the middle of the
action – a wilderness climbing expedition of some sort. The narrator is a male
with a female companion, who was naked when he first saw her just recently. A
twist like that would have made "Daisy Miller" a lot more interesting. The
fact that the author seemed to know something about rock climbing and that he
could apparently tell a good story made me think he was going to share an
experience with me that would broaden my horizons in the context of sexual
titillation. What more could a girl want? 

The author follows a pattern of alternating between short passages describing
the first meetings with the mysterious woman and equally short excerpts
describing their climbing adventures. Since the woman was naked during all
their initial meetings, I couldn't help wondering whether she was also naked
while she climbed the rocks. That's the closest this story comes to having a
weakness. I don't think the author wanted me to worry about that detail. Other
than that, the two parts of the story come together nicely, as do the
protagonists, if you'll pardon the pun.

I liked this story very much. When I was younger, I had friends who were
footloose and fancy free. They claimed to do things like screwing a stranger
in the middle of the wilderness. I never really believed them, but I enjoyed
the stories. Sex in the great outdoors is still one of my favorite things – as
long as we can keep the bugs away. So I liked this story a lot.

{As I prepared to post this issue, one of my "assistants" pointed out that I
have already reviewed this story. In fact, I made it #1 for February 1998.
Well, I may be forgetful, but at least I'm consistent.}

Ratings for "Climbing" 
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"How I Do What I Do" by BlueWords (bluewords@yahoo.com)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=424164796

I think BlueWords appeared on a.s.s. while I was on hiatus. Initially I
downloaded only one of his stories, and it appeared to be illiterate.
Therefore, I skipped it and ignored everything else by this author. This was
almost certainly a mistake. I think he was playing dumb in that first story,
and the guy is some sort of genius. Therefore, I recommend his work strongly.

You may have noticed a difference in my style in this review. That's because I
have just heard that the ETS {Exotic Transvestite Service – the people who
make the SAT and GRE} has developed a method for scoring essays by computer.
It turns out that one can get a higher score by spelling words correctly,
showing cause-and-effect subordination, and not using naughty words.
Therefore, I used therefore twice in the first paragraph, used really easy
words that even Word's spellcheck could spellcheck {even though it can't spell
spellcheck}, and deleted all the expletives. Therefore, I'll be classified as
a goddam genius by the pimply geeks at ETS if they limit themselves to the
first paragraph of this review.

In this essay {not THIS essay – the one I'm reviewing} the author talks about
M1ke Hunt and his effect on his own sex life and writing style. That last
sentence could lose me my genius status at ETS.

I really miss M1ke Hunt. His stories were full of it – "it" being hilarious
humor oriented toward the warped minds of 16-year-old boys. There are two
hyphens in "16-year-old boys." I thought everyone knew that. I think in a
previous life I used to channel for a 16-year-old boy who went blind because
he masturbated too much.

Anyway, as the senator from Texas said to the spelling champ from Indiana, I
know M1ke Hunt, and this author is certainly not M1ke Hunt. I suspect he's
never even been really intimate with M1ke Hunt. Read aloud, those last two
sentences are the sort of thing that used to turn M1ke Hunt on. In fact, I
think those very words appeared in "O'Stikkit Inn," which I think was a pun of
some sort.

This story really sucks – in the kindest, gentlest 16-year-old-boy sense of
the word. In fact, it sucks blonde cheerleaders' horny tits.

My own favorite among M1ke Hunt's stories is "Fucking Celeste." The story
itself sucked, in a less than spectacular sense; but I really enjoyed writing
my review of that story. I'll repost it later in this issue. Sometimes when I
reread it, as I do whenever I'm listening to my principal drone on and on at a
faculty meeting {because it annoys him to no end to see me smiling
enigmatically like the Mona Lisa when he knows there's nothing to smile about
in his pathetic announcements}, I suspect that I was channeling for that
16-year-old manchild when I wrote my review, perhaps during his previous life,
when he was only a 14-year-old lad.

Anyway, if you don't like this review {the one you're reading now, not the
other one}, you won't like this "story" either. Otherwise, I suggest you give
it a shot!

P.S. If anyone sees M1ke Hunt, please tell him to come again to our newsgroup.
We miss him in the worst way!

Ratings for "How I Do What I Do"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Encore!" by Sundance (suntales@hotmail.com)
DejaNews http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=441610675
Also at http://extra.newsguy.com/~suntales/encore.htm
Sundance has a site at http://extra.newsguy.com/~suntales

Josh and Ashley are young lovers. They are each other's first sex partners.
They drift apart; he becomes famous as a rock singer; she gets married. Then
he comes home one Christmas, and they renew their acquaintance. Their
lovemaking is an encore of their former passion.

This is a romantic story with a good plot. While the sex isn't the main part
of the plot, it's good stuff and blends in nicely with the plot. The only
shortcoming is that there's nothing really original about the story – no angle
that made me say, "Wow! I wish I had done that!" Or "I never thought of it
that way!"

But it was a very good story.

Ratings for "Encore!" 
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"Stroke Story" by MichaelD (MichaelD38@aol.com).
DejaNews 
Part 1 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=438651342
Part 2 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=438651346
Part 3 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=438651350
At bitbard http://www.bitbard.pair.com/library/michaeld/stroke.html

The narrator has recently been proclaimed by People Magazine to be "The
Sexiest Man on Earth." This story is a Day in His Life. On the day in question
he fucks six different chicks, some of them more than once, and some of them
while they're fucking another woman. Ain't life grand?

Reading this story is almost like watching one of those porn flicks with a
complex plot about bodacious bisexual blondes banging the beautiful bodies of
their bosom buddies in heat. Except that the words and moans are more in sync
with the lips and actions of the protagonists. Who could ask for anything more
in a stroke story?

A story has got to know its limitations.

Ratings for "Stroke Story"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"Thicker than Water" by Phil (phil@xanadu2000.freeserve.co.uk)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=422435953
at his site http://www.xanadu2000.freeserve.co.uk/sister.htm
Phil has a site at http://www.xanadu2000.freeserve.co.uk

Pete's sister, Tanya, comes to visit. She's stressed out over her divorce. The
narrator, Pete's girlfriend, takes pity on Tanya, shows her how to use some
sextoys, and then fucks her brains out. Pete comes home unexpectedly, realizes
that he has loved his sister all his life, and fucks her brains out. The
girlfriend rides off into the sunset.

Cum is thicker than water, I guess.

This was pretty hot stuff!

Ratings for "Thicker than Water "
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"Epiphany" by Sidney Durham (sidney_durham@mydeja-news.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=439301166

A beautiful woman seated on a bench picks up the narrator and takes him to a
bar. Actually, she is "using" him as a ruse to get away from a dangerous
stranger who had sat down next to her on the bench. In Dean Koontz novels the
savior would rape and torture the damsel whom he had rescued from less dismal
distress, but in this case things work out so well that I suspect we'll see
this trick advertised on TV as the stratagem du jour, right next to driving to
a well-lit place and honking the ole horn.

He's a lot older than she is, and he's had an epiphany. No, not the three
kings sort of king – a vital insight into the meaning of life, as in, "You
can't rollerskate in a buffalo herd, but you can be happy if you want to."
Only his epiphany came during a rendition of the 1812 Overture, rather than a
Roger Miller oldie.

Now he's rebuilding his life, and she decides to do her little bit to help
out. "And a child shall lead him…." Her approach to sex could best be
described as eager, and David is able to match her enthusiasm, if not her
athleticism. Youth is such a wonderful thing; it's a shame to waste it on the
young.

He is fifty, she is thirty. "Is that a bottle of vitamins in your pocket, or
are you just glad to see me?" This is not a midlife crisis; it's a catharsis,
a purification. To paraphrase Milton's worst line and another poet's best: He
has viewed the dismal situation and has found a lovely apparition sent to be a
moment's ornament. And a confidante. And a lover. A very sexy lover.

The thing about epiphanies is that you're never really sure when you've seen
the last of them. 

This is an excellent story with a surprising twist at the end. I strongly
recommend it.

Ratings for "Epiphany" 
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"E-Mail Love" by Jeff Klein (jeff_klein@my-dejanews.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=447421892.1

This author has taken several loosely related second person (you and I)
stories and grouped them together into an e-mail theme. The problem with
second-person sex stories is that they often tend to be written for one
special person, and if the reader does not resemble that person or want to
eavesdrop on that couple, that reader is up a creek without a paddle.

To put it another way, when cyberlovers do their cyberthing, there's often
something else happening that those two know about that makes their writing
interesting to each other. It just doesn't always work very well to switch to
a more general audience of people who don't know about this inside story.

In the present case, we have some sexually explicit exchanges in the e-mail,
but these aren't integrated into a plot or emotional setting that managed to
hold my interest very well.

Two authors who have done a much better job at the "you and I" narrative are
Plainman and Deidre Ng. If I recall correctly, Plainman's "Princess's Court"
consisted entirely of conversations between/among lovers. It was an excellent
story because it conveyed an interesting plot and very sexy interactions among
the characters. I could easily and avidly imagine everything the author wanted
me to imagine.

An exchange of e-mail messages IS a reasonable format for a story. The point
is, you can't just talk about "the great time my wife and I have had together,
as exemplified by these sexy e-mail messages" and expect to have a good short
story that will interest an audience beyond you and your wife or someone who
knows your history together. You have to devote the same attention to plot and
character development and to sexual tension as would be necessary if you used
a more traditional narrative format.

I hope this advice helps this author, as well as others who are interested in
sharing their stories with us.

Ratings for "E-Mail Love"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5

"Penelope" by Nick (Copyright Nick@cassandra.demon.co.uk).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=447050586

This isn't really a sex story. Rather, it's a story about a nice, strong,
artistic lady who has died and is being remembered by one of her former
admirers. It could appear in magazines that are stacked up on library racks
where innocent children would ignore them.

It's a good story. But don't plan on using it for stroke material.

Ratings for "Penelope"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"My Reward" by Azil (azil@my-dejanews.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=447048321

Good mind control stories must be hard to write. That's probably why there are
so few that are any good.

On the surface, mind control sounds like a really great idea. Wouldn't it be
great if we could by the mere force of our thoughts be able to coerce someone
else to satisfy us in any way we wished? Well, no. It initially sounds like a
nice idea, but if we pursue it just a little, it's not really all that great.
A great deal of the pleasure of real sex has to do with the thrill of the
chase and sometimes the voluntary merging of personalities in romantic love.
Masturbation is fun, but social sex is even better.

Mind control sex quickly becomes insipid sex. Good storywriters realize this.
And so they take the initially attractive idea of mind control and examine it
in a more complex framework and try to give their stories an interesting
twist, so that mind control becomes something more than a variety of
masturbation – or at least very high-grade masturbation.

I don't know whether the present author goes beyond adolescent fantasies in
the "My Reward" series. This is chapter 22, and I'm not about to read the
other 21 chapters to find out. This chapter DID show potential.

The basic idea is apparently that the narrator has in his possession something
called Reward, which enables him to engage in his sexual fantasies with
absolutely anybody his heart desires. In the past he has gone hog wild, having
full-scale affairs, banging the boxes of several lewd and lascivious, lithe
and luscious ladies, plus the occasional rendezvous with whoever attracted his
attention. In addition, his mind control has enabled him to be a Chinese
emperor and a Roman nobleman and – well, you get the picture.

The climax <g> of the present episode comes <g> when the narrator uses his
power to rape an obnoxious soccer mom under the bleachers. However, although
this episode itself seems a bit lame, there are hits that the overall story
may be better. If someone who reads the whole series of chapters wants to send
me a review when the whole thing is finished, I'll be glad to consider posting
it.

Incidentally, I consider the five best mind control stories that I have ever
reviewed to be Michael K. Smith's "Trances," Backrub's "Wet Dreams," MC
Woodsmoke's "All We Like Sheep," Bill Green's "Reward," and Delta's "One of
Those Days." Deirdre gives a spooky twist to mind control in almost all her
stories. (Perhaps "Experiment" is her best example of mind control.) I haven't
read all of "The Stepford Wives" by Rhett Dreams (because it's very long), but
people who have read it give it rave reviews. Finally, Uther Pendragon's
"Vials" is also an interesting twist on mind control.

Ratings for "My Reward"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5

"Casey at the Bat" by Poison Ivan (poisoniv1@hotmail.com).

This story does a masterful job of doing what it is supposed to do: give us
the background information to enable us to understand what happened on that
fateful day when Casey struck out to end the big game in Mudville. I don't
want to ruin the story for you; but since this is alt.sex.stories, you may
surmise that Casey's short but emphatic slump is in some way associated with
sexual fantasies about the blonde sans panties who is seated next to the
visitors' dugout.

Ratings for "Casey at the Bat"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"A Birthday Story" by James Bellamy (jbellamy@renman.net).

For her birthday, Allie is whisked off from her home in Milwaukee to a
romantic tryst in Toronto with her lover. The fact that some of my favorite
sexual memories are about Toronto may bias me, but I thought this was a nice,
feel-good, romantic story for a winter's evening.

Ratings for "A Birthday Story"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8


"Deciding" by Malinov (malinov@mindless.com).

Ya know what would really disappoint me? I'd hate to discover that Malinov is
some sort of reclusive misanthrope who really enjoys his work for the I.R.S.
or something. I've never met Malinov – in spite of being written into a few of
his orgies; and I probably never will. But if there's anyone on this newsgroup
who is a professional writer moonlighting with us smut lovers, it has to be
Malinov. This guy once tried to write a good story every day for a month, and
he succeeded! When I approach one of his stories, I am vaguely aware that I
might be disappointed because it might be short on the type of sex I'm in the
mood for; but I know darned well that I am going to have ten minutes with a
good story. I can even write this part of the review first, with no fear of
having to delete or modify it after I read the story!

Yep. It was another good one. Trouble is, I can't tell you much about it,
except to say that it takes place in a movie theatre and it's not very good
stroke material. Just a slice of life and an insight into a woman's mind.

Ratings for "Deciding"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"From the Corner of 1st & Rowan East Los Angeles to Sunflower Alley" by R.A.
Mendoza (RAM@Sunflower.Alley)

These stories are part of a diary-like presentation of the sexual exploits of
a young soldier from Los Angeles who was stationed in Japan around 1955. All
that we have on a.s.s. are some "advertisements," which consist of short
segments from the stories, designed to make passers-by want to go to the
author's home page and take a look at the whole series.

I'm never really sure how far afield I should go when I look for stories to
review. I suppose if I can't even keep up with the stories that are posted on
a.s.s. and a.s.s.m. I shouldn't waste my time trapsing all over the place
looking for even more stories. But this excursion wasn't a waste of time. One
of Mendoza's lead-ins caught my attention, and his home page roped me in. This
is good stuff. It doesn't run as a continuous story, but the deliberately
disjointed presentation is highly effective.

I guess there are good reasons to restrict myself to the newsgroup. When I
wander off, I usually stumble into places where somebody wants to take my
money in exchange for unlimited access to a few pictures of "teen porn queens
cum socked pusses," and I am reluctant to promote any commercial enterprises,
even though teen porn queens do probably have to earn a living. However, this
site looked legitimate: no advertisements at all – just the work of a guy who
has some interesting stories to share. The posting is currently incomplete,
but that's not a problem; the diary format makes what's there flow naturally.

I encourage you to take a look: http://home.inreach.com/rianial/

Ratings for "Sunflower Alley" 
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

=====================
Reposted Reviews:
=====================

"Shower Buddies" by Stone Wolf (an582016@anon.penet.fi). 
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/13539.txt **

I normally don’t like to review multi-chapter stories until all the parts have
been posted. Sometimes the authors don’t even bother to finish the stories,
and then my readers will feel cheated. In addition, a story that begins well
may end badly, or vice versa. I decided to make an exception with this story.
Even though only two chapters have been posted and even though the author says
that no actual sexual contact will occur until "at least chapter 3," I think
you’ll want to know about this one.

The basic premise of this story is that there has been a fire in the women’s
dorm and the displaced coeds have with little forewarning been relocated into
one of the men’s dorm. Our protagonist first notices this when he is in a
naked, semi-comatose, early-morning stupor in the shower, asking to borrow
shampoo from the person in the adjacent stall. His body language sort of
embarrasses him as he tries to be polite and recover from his faux pas when he
discovers that the guy he is talking to is an attractive girl.

This story reminds me of an X-rated script for a high quality sitcom. For
example, I can imagine this being a plot for "Friends" or "The Single Guy."
The story is extremely well written; the characters are refreshingly
wholesome; and the story is redolent of realistic details of college life -
like showers that make funny noises and guys that don’t use fabric softener
for their towels. I am eagerly looking forward to more of this story.

{Note at time of reposting: I still haven't seen the rest of this story. If
anyone has seen it, I'd like to know about it. It would also be nice if the
author would repost the whole story.}

Ratings for "Shower Buddies"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Shower Surprise" by MD James (na617268@anon.penet.fi). 
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=195926973

The guy is taking a shower in the college dorm, when another guy drops his
girlfriend off and says he has to hide her there for a while. The girl peeks
into the guy’s shower. Later she arrives at his room (right next door) and
says that she feels guilty: since she saw him naked, it’s only fair that he
also see her naked. But then they realize that since she had only had a peek
and he had a full view, it really wouldn’t be fair until she had a full view
too. {These are obviously ethics students.} Then, since it would be a shame to
waste two full views....

Ratings for "Shower Surprise"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"Early Morning Love" by Summer's Rose (sumersrose@aol.com). 
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=309834277

This is a story about good, clean sex - that is, sex in the shower. The woman
is having warm thoughts in a warm shower, when her lover joins her for some
early morning delight. This is a very short but sexy story, reminiscent of the
work of Dulcinea. I usually don't like the second person (you) narrative
format, because I feel that it will distract at least some of the readers of a
story. However, in the present case this frame of reference did not distract
ME, largely because some of my own favorite experiences have occurred under
very similar circumstances.

Speaking of favorite experiences, don't you find it odd that there have been
so few stories on this newsgroup that mention ingesting chocolate chips from
private parts of the anatomy during lovemaking?

Ratings for "Early Morning Love"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

* "Room 222: Hit the Showers" by Uncle Mike (fr582@cleveland.Freenet.Edu). 
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=168930451

Two female teachers at Walt Whitman High School go for a run. They need a
shower afterwards, but a gym class is using the girls' showers. The coaches'
shower is also in use. Since no boys' gym class is scheduled, they decide to
sneak into the boys' locker room for a quick shower; but they startle a
straggler who is still taking his shower. Some horseplay follows, and then
they get into some hot threeway sex. I remember seeing a few episodes of "Room
222," but I don't have a clear recollection of it. I can't really evaluate
this as a parody, but I found it to be a pretty good story in its own right.

Ratings for "Room 222"
Athena (technical quality):10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5

"The Insatiable Flirt" by Anne747 (Anon747@aol.com). 
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=260328521

It is certainly possible to write a better story than this. It lacks character
and plot development. But it really does a good job at what it's supposed to
do: describe the actions and atmosphere surrounding a first-time quickie
between two female friends in the shower.

I am not going to describe the intimate details: you can discover all of those
in ten minutes by reading the story yourself. As I have said many times in the
past, I am a monogamous heterosexual woman, but I still find a story like this
to be extremely stimulating. Any sensible woman would. So will most sensible
men.

Ratings for "The Insatiable Flirt" 
Athena (technical quality): 10 
Venus (plot & character): 10 
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Soft Ball or My Best Position" by Taria (Taria29c@aol.com). 
Guest review by Cellist. 
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=323463004 **
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=323573731 **

Neither Fiddler nor Piper were available for this review, so Celeste turned it
over to me, Cellist. The story is about a sexy young lady who plays second-
base on a coed softball team. I have played second bass in the past, but now I
play cello. 

The story takes place in the romantic environment of a sweaty softball game.
One day a sorta cute guy shows up as a substitute, but he wants to play second
base, which position is already taken by the narrator, as I have said. His
name is Mike Hunter, but with some modification of the name he hopes some day
to become a short story writer of sorts. I guess I should stop beating around
the bush and come out and say it: this is a parody of a Mike Hunt sex story.
As a result of some incredible coincidences Mike and the young female baseball
enthusiast have to shower together; and as fate would have it, they fuck their
mutual brains out.

Fuck! Now there's an interesting word. It's a word redolent of baseball
imagery. That's why Taria chose this scenario for her story. In a story about
softball this word and its immediate derivatives can express any of the
following:

  Greetings   How the fuck are you?
  Immensity  Look at the size of that mother on first base. {fucker
understood}
  Insignificance  That little fucker can't hit for shit.
  Dismay     Safe? The fuck he was!
  Trouble    Well, I guess we're fucked now.
  Aggression  Fuck you! {brings automatic ejection and a fine}.
  Safety      Don't fuck with the big mother on first base.
  Disgust     Fucking Celeste! This review is stupid!
  Confusion   Where the fuck is the ball?
  Synonym for "very"  This story is fucking good.
  Difficulty    I don't understand this fucking game.
  Despair     "Fucked Again by Celeste" by Mike Hunt.
  Argumentation  You goddam motherfucking son-of-a-bitch cocksucker! {And I
don't like you either!}
  Fraud      I got fucked by the umpire on the third strike.
  Incompetence   The umpire fucked up again.
  Distraction   He was fucking with a fan behind the dugout.
  Displeasure  What the fuck is going on here?
  Disbelief     That was an unbefuckinglieveable call!
  Disbelief, dismay, confusion, etc.  Fuck! What's my wife doing in this bar?
  Inevitable defeat  We're fucked! {because the other team is fucking good!}
  Retaliation   Up your fucking ass! {automatic ejection and fine}.
  Paradoxical impossibility  The umpire can go fuck himself! {But how?}
  Telling time  The game didn't start till 8-fucking-o'clock.
  Physics   I can't hit the fucking curve ball.
  Maternal instinct-- Goddam motherfucker! {automatic ejection and fine}.
  Sexuality  Holy fuck! Where did you learn to do that?

Taria's best use of the F-word is her double-entendre reference to Mr. Hunter
as a "pretty sneaky fuck." On the downside, her most serious faux pas was
saying that Mike gave her cunt the two-finger Boy Scout salute: the Boy Scout
use three fingers - ask a girl scout (obviously, because their salute is with
three fingers also.) Taria doesn't write quite like Mike Hunt, but who does?
This is both an excellent parody and a superb story in its own right.

Ratings for "Soft Ball"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"April Showers" by Hawkeye. Guest review by BillyG (hayden@mindless.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=372872663

First, the housekeeping: "April Showers" by Hawkeye was reposted by
john_dark@anon.nymserver.com and is said to be part 4 of "Seasons" (c) 1993.
The four- or five-year-old copyright may explain why I was unable to find the
bigger story. If "April Showers" is an accurate reflection of a larger work,
it'd be worth finding. {Celestial note: I am reposting my review of "Hazy
Shade of Winter." That gives us two of the four seasons. If anybody has Summer
and Autumn, I'd sure like to see them reposted.}

{Further Celestial note: All SEVEN stories have now been located. 
Here are the links to all of them:

 1. Hazy Shade of Winter 		
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=372872644

 2. Summertime Blues			
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=372872651

 3. Season of the Witch			
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=372872656

 4. April Showers			
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=372872663

 5. The Cruelest Month			
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=372872667

 6. The Real World			
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=372872671

 7. A Time to Cast Away Stones
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=372872675

There is a link to all seven stories over at BitBard
http://www.bitbard.pair.com/library/hawkeye/ }

Most efforts at erotica employ a device that positions the players in a
situation that allows, even encourages, sexual intimacy. Many of these devices
are hackneyed and improbable. A few border on being overworked, but still come
through, as does these vignette in a college dorm bathroom.

The protagonist, Sam, meets Julie Brauer, the girlfriend of a dorm mate, as
they're both walking to the washroom. Apprehensive of being discovered, Sam
still positions himself in an attempt to steal a flash of skin as seen through
a large mirror. He reflects a moment on his behavior, recognizing he'd be
flustered were he to be confronted with her totally nude, but admits to his
voyeuristic compulsion.

At this point, the story takes an unexpected turn, a delightful one, a
sexually intense one. And after the culmination, we're left not knowing if
this was a one-time thing, never to happen again, or the start of a larger
adventure. As such, it's a sweet, erotic slice of life that left me wanting
more.

Ratings for "April Showers"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Showertime Shag" by The Provert (theprovert@yahoo.com). 
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=340672147

This author is from the United Kingdom. We know this because the people in the
story shag and the woman wears knickers. In the Colonies, on the other hand,
baseball players shag fly balls and the members of a major basketball team are
Knickerbockers.

In this story a woman visits a man and his wife, and the wife helps the man
shag (or get shagged by) the friend in the shower, while the wife takes
photographs. There's no real plot or character development beyond what I have
described here.

The story sounded like it would be a lot more fun than it actually was.

Ratings for "Showertime Shag"
Athena (technical quality): 5
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5

"Sweets Stories: Shower Part 1" (sweets1140@aol.com). Guest Review by BillyG
(hayden@mindless.com).
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12608.txt 
	---
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=367459539 

"Shower Part 1" suffers on several counts, most notably that it's an immature
story, poorly written with poor grammar.

Three gardeners, Tom, Dick and Harry - a son, his father and his grandfather -
are offered repeated weekly views of a woman masturbating in her shower. In
turn, this provides the stimulation for them to do the same. That's it.

At times the story has the appearance as one written by someone who has
English as a second language. Still, the flavor of it would be enhanced simply
by cleaning up the grammar and punctuation marks for starters.

The inherent limitation of voyeurism serves to keep people at a distance from
each other, physically as well as emotionally. That distance is operative in
this story to a fault.

Ratings for "Sweets Stories: Shower Part 1"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 6
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 5

"The Shower Tales: Maureen" by Steve R. Guest reviewed by Poison Ivan
(poisoniv1@hotmail.com).
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14688.txt
 ---
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=384051142

"The Shower Tales" is apparently a collection of stories that chronicle the
real life sexual adventures of the author. In this chapter, the narrator heads
to Carbondale to find a young college girl. Maureen is the one he hooks up
with.

Maureen gets off on making guys come. There's a quick fuck on the couch.
Later, they end up in Maureen's room, which she shares with three other
college girls. They fuck a couple times in Maureen's bed while Maureen's
roommate surreptitiously watches and masturbates.

This story definitely feels like a small chapter plucked out of a larger
whole, and I'm afraid it doesn't stand very well on its own. The characters
aren't very real. I didn't get a good vision of either Steve or Maureen.

Commas are badly abused in this story, too.

I usually enjoy stories with a little voyeurism or exhibitionism in them, so I
kind of liked the bedroom sex scenes. I can see this story working as stroke
material.

Ratings for "The Shower Tales: Maureen"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 6
Ivan (appeal to reviewer): 7

"Shy Young Wife" by Mick (benedicta@anon.nymserver.com). Guest review by
Jordan Shelbourne (jordan@u36.com).

You know the story of the hook, right? (This is relevant, I promise.) This guy
and this girl go parking and while they're making out they hear that this
killer has escaped from a lunatic asylum. They call him the hook, see, because
instead of a hand he's got this razor-sharp hook... You can fill in the rest
(if you can't, mail me at jordan@u36.com). There's no characterization in that
story, it's pure narrative. The story of the hook has only purpose: to scare
the crap out of little kids around the campfire.

You'd think stories on ASS have a similar sense of purpose: to turn you on.
Some do; some don't. Some seduce you with plot and characterization and
symbolism and stylistic bumpf. Some steamroller forward and hope you like what
they've got. This is one of the latter kind.

It turned me on. That surprised me; I'm not a big fan of cheating wife
stories. But this story pressed my buttons, despite all the rough edges.

And there are rough edges. The Shy Wife gets off to a slow start -- I think
part 1 could be cut by a third without losing anything significant. The author
uses the Victorian convention of giving us initials and underscores
("D______") instead of names (except for the woman, who is just P), and I was
left asking, "Why?" He tells us a lot about P, but doesn't dramatize it; the
sentence structures are occasionally baroque, and I think the paragraphs are
generally too long; and at one point the narrator is "stairing" at the
chandelier. The pity is there's nothing that can't be fixed. 

I still think it's a hot story, even if I don't think it's a great story.
There's a really strong narrative here, and I want to see more from him. After
all, his stuff works for me.

Ratings for "Shy Young Wife"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 7
Jordan (appeal to reviewer): 9.5

"Fucking Celeste" by Mike Hunt (mrm1ke@aol.com). 
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=262932540 

Like this author's stories themselves, my reviews of them should be read out
loud, or at least very loudly in silence, in order to get full impact from
them. With that in mind, I ask you, which would be a more clever title
"Fucking Celeste by Mike Hunt" or "Fucking Mike Hunt by Celeste"?

The title is deliberately ambiguous. My Unabridged Random House dictionary
gives the accurate definition of the first word of the title, which would
properly be paraphrased as the mumbled phrase "Confounded Celeste!" This title
takes on a second meaning when Mike visits his nephew's teacher and is forced
into a compromising position that cannot be resolved without full vaginal
penetration of a person alleged to be Yours Truly. As if that pun is not
enough, the author adduces a theory that the Blowjob Principle is a
misspelling for an activity that Celeste performs for the person who
administers her school.

This is a very good story, but the disclaimer is not as creative as some that
I have seen. In addition, I should point out that Mike has been spearheading
<g> an attempt to improve my system of guest reviewers. {This may sound like
matter for a "note," but stay with me on this one.} Mike's fundamental
assertion is that he feels the authors should use their regular pseudonyms
when writing their guest reviews, because this will enable both readers and
the persons whose stories are being reviewed to make better use of any
criticism contained in the reviews. Mike's point is well taken, and I have
adopted a policy of allowing authors to stick with their regular names if they
insist, even though I continue to advise an "alternate pseudonym."

My reason for advising this practice is that I seriously believe that using
the same name would _for many authors_ cause undesirable pressures that would
weaken either their reviews or their stories.

Indeed, I'm not sure how much can be gained by knowing that So-and-So is the
author of both a specific story and a specific review. As someone else has
pointed out to me, it is by no means true that the best authors are likely to
be the best reviewers. Authors tend to be specialists who are intensely
involved in an area of expertise, whereas reviewing requires a more
generalized interest or expertise and an ability to look at a story more
objectively. {As I said, stay with me.... There's a punchline coming up.} I'll
grant that some people can be both good reviewers and good authors, but I
wouldn't count on it; and I think that for many of us the absence of anonymity
would reduce our objectivity. I think it makes more sense to look at, say,
Piper's reviews for several weeks and to form an opinion about his/her insight
than to start from the assumption that because Piper writes good stories
his/her reviews must be good.

Let me use myself as an example. I think I write good reviews, and I think I
am CAPABLE of writing good stories. I have posted only one story ("Virtuous
Reality"), and I really felt uncomfortable doing so. I had such thoughts as
these: How can I expect people to continue listening to my advice when I am
probably going to screw this story up? Won't people be extremely harsh in
evaluating my story, since I have been critical of so many stories myself?
Won't people have less respect for my reviews if my story really sucks? Etc. I
guess I could "just get over it," but these were real concerns to me, and I
think numerous other potential reviewers would have similar reactions. This is
why I recommend the alternate pseudonym.

Of course, it should be obvious to you that I could solve this problem simply
by posting my stories under a different name. Indeed, perhaps I have already
done so! One correspondent has suggested that the anonymity of AOL would make
it possible for Danielle Steele to act out her fantasies by pretending to be
an English teacher who writes reviews for this newsgroup. How can anyone
really prove this is not the case? Well, actually Danielle does not write or
think very much like me. Who does? There's only one person that I can think
of.

The only reasonable answer is that I am really Mike Hunt. {In case you missed
it, the previous sentence was the punchline.}

Think about it. On a.s.s.d. I was recently accused of having a sophomoric
sense of humor. What more need I say? I have just reviewed a story by Mike
Hunt entitled "Fucking Celeste" in which Mike Hunt is pressed up against a
sexy teacher in a closet at the Sadley Virgin School. Hmmm.... Maybe I have
overstated the case a little. As I said earlier in this review, I can write
better puns than those. But if I were Mike Hunt or were Mike Hunt I, then this
story could be entitled "Fucking Myself!" That's the sort of humor that both
Mike and I would be proud of. 

Here's further evidence - I claim that both my husband and I are heterosexual
and monogamous, but I admit that my husband regularly fucks my cunt. {Get it?
Mike Hunt - my cunt! See the pattern yet?}

And besides, I can't be Plainman, because he writes much better than either
Mike or I. 

Here are two of my favorite excerpts from the story: 

"I lowered my fly and withdrew my cock. Sticking straight out, it made closing
the door impossible." {Ouch! He must have really wanted to keep that door
open!} 

"He {the nephew who has been boinking the girl in the supply closet} needs a
little help. His technique is very amateurish." {It would have been more fun
to say "His technique is ALSO very amateurish." You have to read this in
context, I guess; but the ALSO would be intended to mean that both the kid's
technique and his knowledge were amateurish or that both the kid's and Mike's
techniques were amateurish. In fact, this line PROVES that this story is a
fraud. The real Celeste would never miss an opportunity for an enigmatic
provocation of Mike Hunt.}

All goofy remarks aside, this is another very good story. I appreciate the
tribute and accept it in the spirit in which it was intended.

Fucking Mike Hunt! Indeed.

Ratings for "Fucking Celeste"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================


"Michelle" by MichaelD    Email: michaeld38@aol.com
Story Codes (mf, teen, inc, rom)

               Review by: Sundance 
               Email: suntales@hotmail.com

MichaelD is a recognized and popular author on ASSM who has contributed a
number of well-received titles. Despite this popularity I was under the
impression that Michael was relatively new to the group. I’ve been lurking
since June of 1998 and thought I remembered his name popping up rather
suddenly with the posting of ‘Sunset on Roses’. However, in the opening
author’s notes Michael mentions that the story being reviewed here,
‘Michelle’, was actually his first posting to USENET, originally contributed
sometime in 1995. 

While the story is fictional, it does open with the line "This is a true
story, more or less".  It is also told from a convincing, retrospective angle,
with the first-person storyteller recounting some significant sexual
experiences, beginning with the loss of his virginity to a babysitting cousin
and followed by a recounting of how he later took the virginity of another
younger relative. 

I really enjoyed this story and I’m not normally a fan of incest themes. I
think one reason I enjoyed it is because it’s written with minimal focus on
lusting over family members. Lust is present, but there is also significant
emphasis on deep, loving, emotional attachments that would be present in any
romantic encounter.  

The author also spends considerable time describing surrounding details,
including a broader discussion of his family history and a significant buildup
to the ‘main event’ with the younger cousin. The result is a stable plot and
an opportunity for the reader to ‘attach’ themselves to the main characters.

Clearly one of the author’s strengths is his ability to write with absolute
clarity and an elegant sense of simplicity. He chooses only the words
necessary to communicate the story he is telling, avoiding ‘over the top’
analogies and rambling descriptions that I’ve spotted in certain other ‘self-
indulgent’ postings. Many aspiring ASSM authors could learn from Michael in
this area. Technical quality is also very good, with only a few misspellings
present.

Similar to some of Michael’s other efforts, this story does present a
potential squick factor in that it deals with sexual relations between a
twenty-something male and a sixteen-year-old cousin. However, he treats the
story with a sense of style and finesse that one might not expect in such a
theme. That, combined with his above-average storytelling ability, makes for a
very enjoyable read; even when the subject matter isn’t the reader’s first
choice. Stated differently, I would normally pass over a story coded to
include incest. In this case I’m glad I didn’t.

My ratings:
~>Pandora (Story Codes/genre): mf, teen, inc, rom
~>Athena (technical quality):  10 (Only a couple of glitches.)
~>Venus (plot and character):  10 (Plot was basic, but stable and 
effective. Solid characters, dialogue, and surrounding detail.)
~>Sundance (appeal to reviewer): 9 (I'm not a fan of incest stories.)

"Bringing Home the Boss" by Lambchop (pcd10@my-dejanews.com) Reviewed by Homer
Vargas (The_story_writer@yahoo.com)

Leslie's husband John has lost interest in her, preferring football on Cable
TV to sex, although she is still quite a bomb (says Leslie). She goes out for
a drink with her boss, Sharon, for whom she discovers some sexual attraction,
and reveals her problem. Sharon has just the solution. The two women will go
to Leslie's house and come on to John, relying on the Coolidge Effect to
rekindle the flame. (Don't know what the Coolidge Effect is? See below.)

This idea works fine according to Lambchop. John eats Sharon to orgasm while
Leslie sucks Sharon's tits and then blows John. subsequently Sharon eats
Leslie to orgasm by which time ex-football fan John is ready at last to fuck
his wife. Everyone lives happily ever after except the cable company which
looses a customer.

Leslie is believable, Sharon is a fantasy, and John is a caricature. A few NYC
details simulate realism, but the story just does not work for me. Any man
that had really lost interest in a woman like Leslie would need more intense
therapy than a little threesome fun one night.

Athena 	10 (No distractions AND two spaces between sentences)
Venus	 7 (No logical flaws in the plot, but implausible as a realistic story
and weak characters.)
Homer	 6

Still want to know what the Coolidge Effect is? OK, I'll tell you the story
and you figure it out.

	President Calvin Coolidge (know for being laconic) was married to a 
woman who, according to George Will, was a "real stunner." It seems that
one day President and Mrs. Coolidge were visiting a chicken farm and were
being shown around separately. Mrs. Coolidge noticed a cock servicing a
hen and asked, "Tell me, does the cock do that more than once a day?"

	"Certainly Madam, very many times,"

	"Interesting," said the First Lady. Tell that to Mr. Coolidge."

	In due course, the President was informed of what his wife had said. The
President thought a moment and asked, "Tell me, does the cock do that 'very
many times' a day with the same hen?"

	"Oh, no Sir, with a different hen each time."

	"Interesting," said the President. "Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge."

--------------------
Cat House (F/F, hyrax)
By Rosemerry perigryn@earthlink.net
Reviewed by Homer Vargas (The_story_writer@yahoo.com)

	
Let's see. Quite a good story told in an authentic, engaging, first-person
voice. Kim has come to Denver to visit her occasional lover, Rose, who takes
her to (and at) the zoo. There is a believable, erotic tension that develops
as the two lovers tease each other while touring the beautifully described zoo
Obviously it is great fun to seduce someone who wants to be seduced, but will
one woman go too far and get the pair discovered? The climactic sex scene in
the guess where is well done and heightened by making voyeurs of the great
cats.

I had never thought of it before, but zoo smells - not many writers can evoke
smells - ARE sexy. (Hey, Rose, next time, invite me.)

Read this story for a smile and with someone you love of either gender. And
you will even learn something about the hyrax.

Athena 	 9 (sorry, TWO spaces between sentences)
Venus	10 (I would love to meet either character and not 
just for sex.)
Homer	10

--------------------
"Janey's October by Janey (janey98@hotmail.com)
Website: http://members.tripod.com/~janey98
Reviewed by Homer Vargas (the_story_writer@yahoo.com)

Well, the secret is out. They lure us into marriage by telling us we are the
handsomest man they've ever known, that we're funny, clever, caring, that they
want us to be the father of their children. But Janey reveals the TRUTH. They
really just want us to take out the garbage.

When Janey's husband begins to slack off on this minimum minimorum, she takes
steps! With her handy color printer she makes up "chore coupons" that hubby
can earn by making himself useful for something besides absorbing cathode tube
rays and that he will need. . . 

"'What for?' he asked."

"'Sex,' I said, standing there with my arms folded."

"He looked at me as if I were some sort of peculiar animal that had invaded
his living room."

"'Sex? What sex?'"

"'The sex you're not gonna get if you don't have a fist full of coupons.'"

Now I hate to have to say this, Janey, but there is a word for girls who do
this and it's not a nice one.

But before I continue to the glorious finale of this review, I must pause to
take on over the story's language. The voice is perfect for a smart, modern
woman and at least this one male loved the dress selection notwithstanding
Janey's opinion that:

"(Males can skip this paragraph--they aren't interested in what I have to
wear, only what I take off.)"

Back to plot summary. Well, ethics aside, Janey's ploy works better than she
could have imagined -- for getting the housework done. When the kids see Daddy
working for coupons, they want to get into the act. But since this is not THAT
kind of story, all THEY get is video games. On the other hand, things are not
working quite so well for Janey. For although hubby is earning lots of
coupons, he isn't spending many and that has Janey understandably antsy.

How does this delightful domestic dilemma get resolved? Read the story and
find out, preferably with lover within easy reach.

Athena 	 9 (sorry, TWO spaces between sentences)
Venus	10 (Hubby is lightly but believably drawn. 
		Janey is so real you can hear the tinkle in her voice.)
Homer	10


=====================
Celestial Grammar:
=====================

<<Oxymorons>>

An oxymoron is the combination of two seemingly contradictory or incongruous
words.

The statements that are often called oxymorons by comedians are not really
oxymorons. They are really jokes. The people who call them oxymorons are
making a humorous assertion about the apparent irony of putting the two words
together. Examples of this type of "oxymoron" include:

Military intelligence
Intelligent blonde
Sexy Brit

The point is that the speaker or author wants to insinuate that there is no
such thing as a smart military person, a bright blonde, or a sexy person from
England. In each of the above cases, there is no actual oxymoron, but the
speaker or writer is attempting to achieve a humorous effect by calling the
phrase an oxymoron. For example, "Microsoft Works… Now THERE'S an oxymoron!"

Some purported oxymorons are very weak attempts at humor. For example, I saw a
list recently that labeled "act naturally" as an oxymoron. The implication is
that one cannot "act" and be "natural" at the same time. That's true only if
we use the word "act" in a very restricted sense. The same list classified
"legally drunk" as an oxymoron. I guess it's supposed to be an oxymoron
because it's not legal to be drunk. But "legally drunk" has a perfectly
correct meaning of "drunk according to the law," which is a sensible statement
with no inherent contradiction. If we get this picky, we lose the joke value
of humorous oxymorons.

A TRUE oxymoron states an apparent contradiction in order to emphasize a valid
point, and the speaker doesn't have to tell the listener that it's an
oxymoron. For example, Shakespeare has said, "Parting is such sweet sorrow."
"Sweet sorrow" is a genuine oxymoron. Parting with a friend or lover is sad;
but when we recall those partings, they can often be among our favorite
memories. By saying something apparently contradictory, the author makes us
think about the statement, and the truth of the assertion becomes even more
emphatic.

Other examples of true oxymorons include:

Make haste slowly.
Deafening silence
Gloomy optimist
Blind visionary
The painful joy of sexual intimacy
That's a definite maybe.

I don't want to come across as a humorless English teacher. {Incidentally,
some would consider the last three words of the preceding sentence to be a
redundancy, which is almost the opposite of an oxymoron.} My only point is
that the oxymoron is a powerful figure of speech, and it would be a shame to
fritter it away on mere frivolity.

<end>
