Celestial Reviews 361 - April 11, 2000

Special note: I want to express my public appreciation to Techguy, who 
relentlessly tracks down the Links for my reviews each week. Some of this 
week's stories were posted a long time ago, but thanks to Techguy we have 
accurate links to almost all of them. Also note that almost all of these 
stories can be found in the asstr archives.

Also note that the April 4 issue was incorrectly labeled CR 359 in the title 
line. It should have been CR 360.

Note: A teacher working with a group of children, trying to broaden their 
horizons through sensory perception brought in a variety of lifesavers and 
said  "Children, I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these."

The kids easily identified the taste of cherries, lemons, and mint, but when 
the teacher gave them the honey-flavored lifesavers, all of the kids were 
stumped.   "I'll give you a hint, said the teacher. "It's something your 
mommy probably calls your daddy all the time".

Instantly, one of the kids coughed his on to the floor and shouted, "Quick! 
Spit 'em out.  They're assholes!"

Second note: A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to 
entertain at a bar in a small town. He's going through his usual run of 
stupid blonde jokes, when a big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her 
chair and says:

    " I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes, Asshole. 
What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does a person's 
physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys 
like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my 
community, of reaching my full potential as a person ... because you and your 
kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women 
at large "You stay out of this. Mister, I'm talking to that little bastard on 
your knee!"

Third note: You can try this, but don't blame me for the results:

A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the motorcycle officer walked 
to her car window, ready to open his ticket book, she said, "I bet you are 
going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolmen's Ball." He replied, 
"Highway patrolmen don't have balls."  There was a moment of silence while 
she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said.  He then closed his book, 
got back on his motorcycle and left.

=====================
Celestial Reviews Index:
=====================

"A Matter of Trust" by sfmaster" (sex slavery) 10, 9, 7
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=546983886

"Secret Lover" by Marie Durois (cybersex) 10, 9.5, 9.5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=605676911

"The Brady Bunch: Marsha & Greg" by HaRkOnIn (sitcom parody) 8, 5, 5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=606819985

"Full Custody" by Richard Bissell (r_bissell41@my-deja.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=606376115
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=606376125

"I Remember" by Old Drone (first time) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=587757558

"The Uncertainty of the Meek" by The Mysterious Mr. Lee Organization
(identity crisis) 9.5, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=558444848
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=558444854
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=558458856
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=558458860

"Love and Subtractive Synthesis" by JVB (teen romance) 10, 9, 8
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=605800813

"Here with Me" by Ariana Coriando (romantic interlude) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=605821097

"WKRP: Bailey's First Date with Johnny" by David Oberman (sitcom parody) 6,
6, 6
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=604218600

"Body Image" by Bernard Sagon (romance) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=607010703
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=607010715
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=607030019
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=607030027

"A Study in Scarlett" by Ann Douglas (FF romance) 9.5, 10, 10

"Everything Goes - The Game Show" by Maria Gonzales (game show sex) 10, 10, 10
http://www.eroticstories.com/story/6359

"Reader's Response" by Spiller (cybersex & real sex) 9, 8, 9
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=595095442

=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================

"Shoulder Straps" by DrSpin (cheating). Myers: {No numerical rating}
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571929735

"Angie" by MichaelD (teenage romance). BillyG: 10, 9, 8
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=594418071
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=594418139

"CASH-ing Out" by Jack of all Trades (erotic stories industry). Owl: 9, 10, 8
http://x32.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=599646856

"Double Blind" by Sasha Lorring (blindfolded sex) 10, 10, 10
http://x45.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=598974270

=====================
Reposted Reviews:
=====================

* "Maverick" by Shelby Bush (TV parody) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=239044146
* "Have Gun Will Travel" by Shelby Bush (TV parody) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=224957052
*"Dick Van Dyke Show" by Shelby Bush (sitcom parody) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=203916772
*"The Brady Bunch" by Uncle Mike (sitcom orgy) 10, 9, 9
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=169032744
*"Flying Nun: Decameron Minus 99" by Uncle Mike
      (holy sex) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=177198108

*"Andy Griffith" by Uncle Mike (sitcom parody) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=168459401
*"Welcome Back Kotter" by Uncle Mike (sitcom parody)
            10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=169909300
*"Fame" by Uncle Mike (music & sex) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=202780339
*"WKRP in Cincinnati" by Uncle Mike (sitcom parody)
            10, 9, 8
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=167499083
*"Cleave It To Beaver" by MrNatural (TV sitcom parody) 10, 10, 10
 
*"Home Improvement - Tim Discovers True Manhood" by Phil Phantom (sitcom
parody) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=363934012 (1)

"The Tingle" by DG (sitcom parody) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=282013556

=====================
Here are the Reviews:
=====================

"A Matter of Trust" by sfmaster" (sfmaster@worldnet.att.net).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=546983886

Bonnie and Brenda are identical twins. Bonnie discovers that Brenda is 
actively and heavily into bondage. Bonnie arranges to replace Brenda during a 
session with her Master.

As BDSM enthusiasts can easily imagine, there are problems with the above 
idea. For example, won't this deception violate the sacred contract between 
Brenda and her Master? Yes, but the plot takes that into consideration.

Non BDSMers will wonder what's so great about getting the crap beat out of 
oneself. It's hard to understand. Only insiders can grasp this pleasure. It's 
sort of like a Masonic handshake from the Grand Kleagle.

Ratings for "A Matter of Trust"
Athena (plot & character): 10
Venus (technical quality): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7

"Secret Lover" by Marie Durois (mdurois@yahoo.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=605676911

The woman is writing to her cyberlover. She describes their relationship up 
to the present and speculates on the future.

This is a good story about a topic that is naturally appealing to many people 
on this newsgroup. Although this one doesn't come with the "true" label, it 
certainly has a ring of authenticity. Indeed, a pair of budding cyberlovers 
could plausibly use this story as a set of how-to guidelines.

I do NOT think that people who engage in cybersex are the bane of 
civilization. However, I DO think that many cybersex stories are unduly 
optimistic. 

I personally refrain from activities like those described in this story. I 
don't condemn people who do what this story describes, but I urge people to 
think things over carefully before they take the plunge. I think there is a 
strong tendency for the grass to be greener on the other side of the 
cyberlink. I think if I fiddled around on the Internet, there would be strong 
tendencies for me to let these fantasies interfere with my real love life. I 
have been assured by numerous sane, sensible, mature people that this doesn't 
happen; but I think one successful monogamous relationship requires two 
people's full attention. I do NOT think reading fiction is likely to 
interfere with this sort of relationship, but the interactive nature of 
cybersex makes problems likely. 

I am not going to present the whole case against interactive cybersex. The 
problems of duplicity, infidelity, and non-parallel expectations of the 
participants are imposing. I am just suggesting that people ought to think it 
over before they do something that could easily backfire. {Of course, the 
same thing can be said of any sort of relationship - including marriage.} The 
participants in cybersex may be implicating not only their own emotions and 
those of their cyberpartners, but also those of their respective sex partners 
- and possibly others, such as friends and children.

That being said, this story is still a good representation of the ideal 
cybersex relationship.

Ratings for "Secret Lover"
Athena (plot & character): 10
Venus (technical quality): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5

"The Brady Bunch: Marsha & Greg" by HaRkOnIn (harkonin@usa.net)
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=606819985

Marsha can't sleep during a violent thunderstorm, and so she wakes Greg up 
and they go downstairs to talk or something. Actually, they play strip poker.

Does an ace high flush really beat four of a kind? Not according to Hoyle! If 
it does, I really got screwed the last time I went to a casino - and that was 
in a public place! As far as I know, a full house even beats an ace high 
flush. But maybe Marsha doesn't know much about probability, and maybe Greg 
has the good sense to lie to her.

Now here's the good part. To make sure I was right, I used a search engine to 
look up "Poker Hands." One of the top hits was a site entitled "Beat the 
Weasel." I kid you not. I suppose "beating the weasel might have an innocent 
meaning when you take it out of the context of sex stories - just as jerkin 
the gherkin might have something to do with picking vegetables. What really 
struck me as interesting was that "Beat the Weasel" has branches of the site 
labeled /manual/quickstart.html. I guess my mind is running in the gutter, 
but it helps to avoid extreme sophistication if you're going to enjoy a Brady 
Bunch story.

The sex in this story is not vivid or exciting - unless you get off by the 
simple image of these wholesome kids engaging in more than friendly sibling 
rivalry. The best "Brady Bunch" story that I know of is the one by Uncle 
Mike. That's not Uncle Mike's best story, but it has the advantage of 
actually imitating to some degree an actual Brady Bunch plot. I'll repost the 
review below.

Ratings for "The Brady Bunch"
Athena (plot & character): 8
Venus (technical quality): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5

"Full Custody" by Richard Bissell (r_bissell41@my-deja.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=606376115
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=606376125

Christy is a teenager who has moved with her mother from Texas to a new town. 
She would have preferred to have stayed with her father. So here's the plan: 
She'll have our narrator knock her up. Then her father or the judge will 
declare her mother to be an incompetent parent; and then she can go live with 
her father, have an abortion, and hang out with her friends at her old school.

There are kids who really think like that. Not all kids, of course - mostly 
the same ones who resist reading Moby Dick.

So there sits Ian on the floor of his apartment, bathed in the sour odor of 
spilt beer, trying to absorb Christy's proposal. Eventually, Ian realizes he 
HAS to cooperate. There is no other choice. In a different story, Christy 
might take up gymnastics or join a youth club or sign up for the National 
Women's Soccer Team and win a World Cup. In yet another story, she might 
shoplift or mutilate a gerbil or burn down the apartment complex in order to 
demonstrate her mother's incompetence. In yet another story she would simply 
suck her father's cock and give him a reason to keep her. In yet another 
story, she would change her name to Ishmael and sign up for a whaling 
expedition with a lunatic captain - but nobody would read that story, because 
there would be too much emphasis on flukes and barnacles.

Much to the relief of the Moral Majority, Ian declines. He refuses to just 
knock Christy up. Instead he will make love to her. After all, they are going 
to pop her cherry in the process; and so it oughta be a first-rate 
experience. Fortunately, his bedroom is clean, and so they're off to the 
races. Actually, I'm going too deeply into the minor details now. If you're 
interested, you can read the story for yourself. It has some interesting 
twists that I haven't even mentioned.

Ratings for "Full Custody"
Athena (plot & character): 10
Venus (technical quality): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6

"I Remember" by Old Drone (beeman@beeMman.free-online.co.uk).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=587757558

In this story an old man recalls his first sexual experience with his true 
love. It's a unique approach to storytelling, and a good one. I am not going 
to ruin it for you by trying to superimpose my style on the author's.

One particularly interesting aspect of the story is that the two lovers 
actually have a hard <wink> time getting it in the first time. Imagine that! 
Two inexperienced lovers who find that the ole muttondagger just won't 
penetrate on the first try. The percentage of times such initial failures 
occur in Real Life - even at the start of happy romances - exceeds by a 
factor of about five thousand their incidence in this newsgroup. But the 
young lovers keep working at it. If at first you don't succeed, try, try 
again.

Since this story is told from the perspective of an old person, I might as 
well mention my gerontological sex story. While acquainting himself with a 
new elderly patient, the doctor asked, "How long have you been bedridden?"  
After a look of complete confusion the woman answered, "Why not for about 
twenty years - when my husband was alive."

If you didn't like that one, try my second old-people joke: A very elderly 
couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding 
anniversary. 

The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife: "Dear, there is 
something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child 
never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you 
that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever 
hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all that away. But, I must know, 
did he have a different father?"

The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye. She pauses 
for moment and then confesses. "Yes. Yes, he did." 

The old man is visibly shaken. the reality of what his wife has admitted has 
hit him harder than he had expected.

With a tear in his eye he asks, "Who? Who was he? Who was the father?"

Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tries to 
muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then, finally, she says, 
"You."

Maybe the third time will be the charm: An eighty-two year old man goes to 
Confession. "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.  I just made love to two 
young women at the same time."

The priest asks, "How long has it been since your last confession?"

"Oh, I've never been to confession before," says the old guy.  "I'm not even 
Catholic. I'm just so happy, I'm telling everybody!"

Anyway, it's an excellent story.

Ratings for "I Remember"
Athena (plot & character): 10
Venus (technical quality): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"The Uncertainty of the Meek" by The Mysterious Mr. Lee Organization 
(themrlee@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=558444848
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=558444854
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=558458856
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=558458860

As teenagers, Sarah and Michi drifted into love together without even 
realizing it. Even after they realized their mutual attraction, they kept 
their passion for each other quiet from others. Their young love was 
beautiful, but it ended during college. Sarah came out of the closet with a 
French lover, and Michi went to graduate school and took up with Cicero. If 
you don't see the significance in Cicero, take a look at De Amicitia 
sometime. "Friendship" for Cicero seemed to include non-heterosexual 
intimacies. Methinks Cicero had tendencies. O tempora, O mores!

Eventually, Michi takes up with Anne, and they decide to have a child. Their 
I-Ching tells them that Michi is to bear the baby. So they look for a man and 
find Tom. Unfortunately (or fortunately or maybe fortuitously), Michi falls 
more in love with Tom than with Anne.

Some lesbians get really pissed at the notion that lesbians can get "cured" 
of their lesbianism; and I don't blame them. However, the notion that a bona 
fide lesbian can become a bona fide heterosexual doesn't disturb me at all. I 
think the really critical factor is a genuine loving relationship between the 
partners. As I have often stated, I think it is a critical mistake for people 
to classify themselves as "gay" or "lesbian" based on the fact that their 
first real intimacy is with a person of the same gender. For some people 
sexual pleasure is a definitive factor that restricts partners to one gender; 
for others, I think it is plausible that they can go with either gender - and 
I mean monogamously, not just as "bisexual swingers." Chemistry between 
partners is important, but chemistry is more metaphorical than hormonal or 
chromosomal.

In this case, Michi had been in love with Sarah but not with Anne. She falls 
in love with Tom, and that relationship develops nicely and they live happily 
ever after. Well, not exactly - actually, not even very close.

This is a really good story. Michi's life is fraught with identity crises. 
Her problem originated not in her gender, but in her meekness. The "problem" 
is that this story raises more questions than it answers. Great stories - 
from Hamlet to American Beauty - do that sort of thing. The story is complex, 
but not confusing. While presenting sexual scenes vividly, it shies away from 
simple answers. It's not great stroke material, but it is well worth reading 
and thinking about.

This story was reviewed once before by a guest reviewer. The author has 
revised it since that time. Either the revisions made a big difference or I 
just plain liked it a lot better.

Ratings for "The Uncertainty of the Meek"
Athena (plot & character): 9.5
Venus (technical quality): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Love and Subtractive Synthesis" by JVB (jvb3000@my-deja.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=605800813

To understand subtractive synthesis, you have to understand waveforms and 
harmonics, where they come from, and how these factors relate to what we 
actually hear. The name 'subtractive synthesis' is derived from the method 
itself, wherein the synthesizer attenuates or removes harmonics from 
harmonically rich waveforms to create new sounds. This can be done in a 
static fashion to create simple tones, or it is possible to use the 
facilities offered by the filters, envelope generators, and modulators in the 
synthesizer to make dynamic sounds that change as time passes.

1. I'll bet you didn't know I knew that.

2. Who cares?

Well, YOU do, if you listen to the product. In this story, the boy and girl 
do, because they engage in subtractive synthesis before osculation and 
reciprocal heterosexual stimulation.

You can enjoy the basic plot even if you don't comprehend all the big words.

The only "flaw" in this story is that the author leaves a lot unsaid. That's 
really not bad, as long as you are willing to use your imagination. Other 
than that, it's sort of like Nerds in Heat.

I liked this story and hope to see more from this author.

Ratings for "Love and Subtractive Synthesis"
Athena (plot & character): 10
Venus (technical quality): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"Here with Me" by Ariana Coriando ( acoriando@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=605821097

Normally, first person narratives suck - in the negative sense of the 
metaphor. That is, when the narrator is "I" writing about "you," the author 
tends to exclude many readers from the story. When I as a female read a story 
in which the author is talking to me (by using the term "you" - which I have 
to assume is me), I have trouble accepting that perspective if I happen not 
to match the characteristics of that person. Likewise, if the narrator is a 
female talking to a male, then I have trouble being referred to as "you," 
because I am more like the narrator than the person she is talking about.

I am not being utterly silly. MOST people have this problem with I/you 
stories. That's why it's often a bad technique. The main reason this method 
usually fails is that the author is usually a real person, who initially 
writes the story  for one other real person. Then the author decides to post 
the story to a public forum. It's usually not quite that simple. To make the 
story have broader appeal, the author either has to make us outsiders 
interested in his/her relationship with this other person or alter the story 
in such a way as to make it appeal to the rest of us. {I/she or I/he stories 
do not have this problem.}

This present author has avoided the pitfalls and has written an excellent 
I/you story about a romantic interlude between two lovers. Maybe it's because 
I felt a lot like the narrator myself; but I really enjoyed this glimpse into 
the sexy, spontaneous, and passionate interplay between two lovers. It 
reminded me of some of the best writing of Dulcinea - a statement that I mean 
as high praise.

Ratings for "Here with Me"
Athena (plot & character): 10
Venus (technical quality): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"WKRP: Bailey's First Date with Johnny" by David Oberman (d_oberman@hotmail.co
m).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=604218600

I read this story because I like parodies of sitcoms. I enjoyed WKRP when it 
appeared on television, and I thought I might enjoy a good story based on 
that sitcom. As it turned out, the only advantage of this story was that I 
could visualize the actors who were engaging in the sexual activities. The 
sexual activity was not cleverly compatible with the personalities of the 
people on the sitcom. A better attempt at this topic can be found in Uncle 
Mike's "WKRP in Cincinnati." I'll repost that review below.

A good sitcom parody should be either sexy or funny because it introduces 
erotic elements into a story that would not usually include those salacious 
components. Some authors just have the characters engage in lewd activities, 
without any real concern for the personalities of the characters as developed 
in the original TV show.  In the present case the author tries to remain at 
least moderately faithful to the original storyline, but I don't think he was 
highly successful. We just get an orgy in which we can attach the actions to 
faces and other body parts with which we are already familiar.

The best sitcom parodies with which I am familiar are written by Shelby Bush 
and Uncle Mike. Shelby's are invariably of high quality. His stories are more 
strictly referred to as "pastiches" rather than parodies - you can look the 
term up, if you wish. In his Porno TV series, he has focused not only on 
sitcoms but also on movies and ordinary TV shows. It's hard to narrow 
Shelby's work down to a brief listing of his best work; but I'll repost 
reviews of some of my favorites, including Maverick, the Dick Van Dyke Show, 
and Have Gun, Will Travel. 

Uncle Mike is another writer who has written a large number of sitcom 
parodies. I consider his stories to be of more uneven quality than those of 
Shelby Bush. Nevertheless, some of Uncle Mike's work is outstanding. His 
"Flying Nun," "Andy Griffith," "Welcome Back Kotter," and "Doogie Howser" are 
hard to beat. Uncle Mike even gets relatively serious in "Fame"; and the 
result is a really erotic story.

In addition, Phil Phantom "Home Improvement," MrNatural's "Cleave It to 
Beaver," and DG's "The Tingle" are excellent parodies.  I'll repost several 
of these reviews. Maybe we can find the links for most of them.

In the present story, the verb tenses are occasionally confused and there are 
some other grammatical problems; but these don't usually interfere with the 
story. A more crucial problem is that the author occasionally loses track of 
the complexities he has introduced into his plot. These problems all come 
together in sentences like this: "Desperate, Johnny goes from one staff 
member t the next for some pity cash for his night out with Bailey with no 
luck." The sentence structure is awkward, and the sentence includes an 
obvious typo. In addition, at this time Johnny is actually trying to borrow 
some money for a date with his former girlfriend; not with Bailey. Are we to 
assume that he has suddenly remembered Bailey, or has the author simply 
forgotten about his own plot? In addition, does the author really mean "pity 
cash," or is this a mistake for "petty cash"? Errors like these are minor, 
but they become annoying as they accumulate. A good proofreading would help 
out.

Ratings for "Bailey's First Date with Johnny"
Athena (plot & character): 6
Venus (technical quality): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6

"Body Image" by Bernard Sagon (bernard_sagon@my-deja.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=607010703
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=607010715
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=607030019
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=607030027

Caroline Foster is thirty-one and never-married. She figures her chances of 
finding a husband are bad-to-none. You see, she has had a mastectomy, and her 
experience has been that men really turn off to a woman with only one "good" 
breast. The author doesn't reveal Caroline's secret until the middle of the 
story, and he tries to develop some tension in the way he reveals it. 
However, I don't think I am ruining the story for you by disclosing this 
information to you. After all, I had pretty much guessed her secret; and the 
dramatic tension really lies in how her new boyfriend will react to the 
revelation.

So I'll be damned if I'm going to tell you how Caroline's new boyfriend 
reacts to this revelation.

The treatment of cancer, of mastectomy as a form of surgery, and of related 
emotions is really good. So is the sex, but don't let that statement suggest 
anything about how Caroline's new boyfriend reacts to anything. Just read the 
story. It's a very good one.

In an introductory note on grammar, the author says: "I realize that the 
flashback portions of this story should technically be presented in the past 
perfect tense, and that was how I originally wrote this story.  I found the 
technically correct form to be stiff and awkward in construction and have 
therefore changed the writing of those sections to simple past tense (or even 
present tense on occasion).  I am sure this will offend some of the purists 
among you, but I believe that the result is a smoother narrative." This is 
NOT true. The author's handling of tense is fine. Only misguided pendants, 
not purists, will be offended by his avoidance of the past perfect.

When a person is writing a single sentence or paragraph, then it is useful 
(and often necessary) to use the past perfect to delineate tenses correctly. 
However, this is by no means the case with longer passages, such as sections 
of short stories or chapters in novels. What IS necessary is that the author 
help the reader by making the time reference clear. But this can be done in 
many ways, and the constant use of the past perfect tense would sometimes be 
one of the most clumsy (and least desirable) ways to accomplish this. 

It's actually relatively rare to put all the verbs in a flashback in the past 
perfect tense. Each past perfect verb technically would signify action that 
occurred prior to the previous verb, and that could get very complicated. 
Here's an example of flexible but accurate verb tenses:

= = = = =

{Assume that the author is relating a story about Caitlyn, the valedictorian 
in a school in Texas that maintains high standards for its future rocket 
scientists.}

During her address at the graduation ceremony Caitlyn was completely naked 
under her ceremonial gown. While she enjoyed her little foray into the realm 
of exhibitionism, she impressed the gathered throng with her critical 
analysis of the comparative benefits of cunnilingus and fellatio.

Caitlyn had first experienced oral sex when she was in high school. She had 
just purchased a Kit Kat candy bar after the cheerleaders had performed at 
the homecoming game, when she almost literally bumped into Matt while she was 
taking a shortcut behind the stands. 

"Do you have anything to eat?" he asked. 

"Sure," she said. She led him to her secret place under the stands, where she 
and Mary Anne had often sat while they sifted sand; and Matt ate her while 
she ate the candy bar.

= = = = =

The verb tenses in my excerpt are fine. Putting all the verbs after "Caitlyn 
had first experienced oral sex" in the past perfect tense would not help at 
all - even though all of the action occurs prior to the original action at 
the graduation ceremony. In fact, had I overused the past perfect, then I 
would have had no verb tense left to suggest the further shifts in time 
sequence that appear within this passage.

{If you like the above story about Caitlyn, go ahead and write it.}

{By the way, "had I overused..." is not the past perfect tense. It's the past 
subjunctive. It's often better to use that form than the more clumsy "if I 
would have overused...."}

One common technique is for an author to BEGIN a flashback chapter with the 
verbs in the first sentence or throughout the first paragraph in the past 
perfect tense. Thereafter, the author slips into the ordinary past tense. The 
key point is to use the past perfect to indicate that the action being 
described requires the reader to shift his/her focus back a notch.

Another technique is to use chapter titles or other labels to designate 
shifts in time. This is what the author does in the present story, and 
there's nothing wrong with it.

Ratings for "Body Image"
Athena (plot & character): 10
Venus (technical quality): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"A Study in Scarlett" by Ann Douglas (ann_douglas@hotmail.com).

Kenny Rogers sings about "Scarlet Fever." Ann Douglas seems to have Scarlett 
Fever. Ann "retired" from this newsgroup several months ago. Fortunately for 
us, she has a bad case of Scarlett Fever and is back already, writing a nice 
story about a lady named Scarlett. I told you so.

Scarlett is a character whose name appears in several of Ann's stories. In 
stories that we already have seen, Scarlett is a mature woman who runs a 
place (or a series of places) called "Scarlett's Cove" - dens of iniquity or 
havens of pleasure for people of the lesbian persuasion (depending on how one 
looks at it).

Here we have a prequel - the story of Scarlett's first love. Scarlett is a 
rich young lady just barely out of college, and she meets an older woman 
named Anne, who is on her way to an assignment as a nurse Army nurse in Korea 
in 1947. Those of us who are familiar with M*A*S*H know what a rollicking 
good time is in store for Anne Over There.

I have read most of Ann's stories, and so I couldn't help putting this one in 
the perspective of the others that mention Scarlett - some of them only in 
passing. My prior knowledge might have added to my enjoyment of this story - 
which was considerable. However, I think you'll enjoy this one even if you 
have never heard of Scarlett's Cove before.

As usual, Ann's story is both sexy and sensitive. In addition, Ann has vastly 
improved her style of punctuating quotations. Cool!

Ann says she wrote this story as a present for her husband. Thank you and 
happy birthday, Ann's Husband!

Ratings for "A Study in Scarlett"
Athena (plot & character): 9.5
Venus (technical quality): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Everything Goes - The Game Show" by Maria Gonzales (Maria1971@aol.com).
http://www.eroticstories.com/story/6359

This is a story about a TV game show called "Everything Goes," where anything 
goes, including the clothes. The two teams (each consisting of two lewd and 
lascivious lovely little ladies) will be given dares, and both contestants on 
each team must satisfy the conditions of each game. The winning team for each 
dare gets the prize and the losing team must remove one article of clothing. 
If one contestant decides -- for whatever reason -- that they cannot do the 
dare, then that team loses, and the other team wins the two million dollars.

Maria milks this storyline for all its worth - including solitary sex, 
lesbian sex, hetero sex, and group sex. Sorry about the omission of dogs and 
sheep.

For a tale with relatively little socially redeeming value, this story really 
hits the spot.

I hesitated - very briefly - to review this story, because it was posted to a 
private web site rather than to a.s.s.m. I don't want to get involved in turf 
wars or go to places where I don't really want to go. But since I "knew" 
Maria, I tossed my concerns aside and took the plunge.  Oddly enough, Maria, 
has her own web site where she claims, "Whenever I finish a story, the first 
place that I will post it will be here. Then it may be posted either at 
eroticstories.com or ASSM." Not true. This story was not there.

Ratings for "Everything Goes"
Athena (plot & character): 10
Venus (technical quality): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Reader's Response" by Spiller (xxspillerxx@my-deja.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=595095442

Spiller has been busted. That is, a lady in his town has recognized his work 
in the dirty stories newsgroup and has opened anonymous communication with 
him. Actually, it was sort of embarrassing. He was giving a lecture in his RL 
role, and the woman going by the name Britta recognized him through 
linguistic analysis of his idioms. She practically came in her panties. 
Linguistic analysts will do that sort of thing. So will librarians.

Spiller will brook no nonsense. Even before they meet in real life, he tells 
Britta to masturbate to thoughts of his stories while her besotted husband is 
snoring in bed next to her. He does the same thing with a Danish tenterhook. 
I honestly didn't know the meaning of was such a word as "tenterhook" until 
my spellcheck just let it go. As my grandmother used to say, "Live and learn 
and masturbate, but all in the proper time."

So they meet. He has a weakness for Asian women, and her great grandmother is 
from Greenland, which some Asian women once visited, while they were on their 
way to or from the Faroe Islands. So she gives him a blowjob. Not literally - 
Celestially. That is, she tells him that his stories are very good. The 
Blowjob Principle, formulated by yours truly, suggests that if a person gives 
you a blowjob and you'd like another, you should make him glad he gave you 
the first blowjob. So Spiller tells her what kind of underwear to wear the 
next day when she will meet him at his summerhouse for more literal activity. 
She follows his instructions, and they live out some fantasies together.

It was a good story!

Ratings for "Reader's Response"
Athena (plot & character): 9
Venus (technical quality): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

=====================
Reposted Reviews:
=====================

* "Maverick" by Shelby Bush (stbush@iglou.com).

Bret and Bart Maverick have gone east, where they happen to be in Louisville 
for the first running of the Kentucky Derby.  As is his custom, Bret has 
developed a quick romance with a young lady: and as is HIS custom, Bart has 
stumbled upon the situation in time to help his brother get into and out of 
trouble.  However, this time the details are a little different than in an 
ordinary Maverick episode.  Bret's lovely lady is a hooker, and the focus of 
the episode is to set up her pimp for a sting that will enable all the girls 
in his stable to gain their independence from his harsh rule.  The sex is not 
described in great detail, but it enlivens the episodes and is compatible 
with the original Maverick story line.  The only flaws I found in this story 
were a few instances where the author got the names of the characters 
confused; for example, once Keno was talking to Keno, and another time a 
character named Carol suddenly appeared out of nowhere.  I call this a 
parody, but it's really more of a pastiche - that is, the author is not 
making fun of the original story (as in a parody), but is rather exploring 
the possibilities of what would occur if a few basic assumptions or 
limitations were changed.

Ratings for "Maverick"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Have Gun Will Travel" by Shelby Bush (stbush@iglou.com).  

There are certainly better stories on this newsgroup - perhaps with hotter 
sex and more fully developed plots; but as a pastiche of a popular TV show of 
the early 1960s, this story is excellent.  It explores what the highly-rated 
western would have been like, had it been allowed to have sex as a natural 
part of the plot.  I watched this show only rarely; it must have been in 
conflict with Lawrence Welk or something else that my family watched in black 
and white, but I could see that the parallels to the original show were well 
done.  In addition, even if you've never seen the TV show, the story stands 
pretty well on its own.

Ratings for "Have Gun Will Travel"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "The Brady Bunch" by Uncle Mike. (fr582@cleveland.Freenet.Edu) 

This story raises an interesting question: "What kind of architect would make 
the six kids in his blended family share one bathroom?" 

The basic plot of this series centered around the minor problems the three 
boys and three girls have getting along with each other.  This week's episode 
is no exception.  While Bobby and Greg are raping Marcia in the shower, she 
slips and accidentally impales her cunt on Peter's rigid cock.  Meanwhile, 
Greg loses his balance, and his penis inadvertently slips firmly into 
Marcia's mouth.  Imagine that.  Stranger things have happened on American 
sitcoms.  This turns out to be such a pleasant experience that Marcia simply 
has to share her pleasure with her sister Jan.  So she sends Cindy (who is 
too young for this sort of thing) to sleep with Mom (and presumably with Dad) 
and then goes to work on Jan.  Soon we have Marcia sitting on Jan's face 
while one guy has a cock buried in Jan's cunt and the other has his rammed 
down Marcia's throat.  Then Mom opens the door and catches them, but she just 
joins in.  That's how they all became the Brady Bunch.  Sing along now: 
That's how they all became the Brady Bunch - the Brady Bunch!

Ratings for "The Brady Bunch"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

* "Flying Nun: Decameron Minus 99" by Uncle Mike 
(fr582@cleveland.Freenet.Edu).  

Legend has it that in the days of yore - possibly back when television 
sitcoms were black and white - there existed a weekly series called "The 
Flying Nun."  I know not who was in the show nor the content thereof; and so 
I cannot tell whether this story is a parody of that show, and so I shall 
respond to this as a tale of inspiration in its own right.

This story tells of a poor farmer in a land called Italy who was possessed by 
a demon that revealed itself to the world through an appendage between the 
farmer's legs.  One day a flying nun appeared from the sky, and on that and 
successive occasions the farmer persuaded the nun to help him draw the demon 
out of his body.  The nun pursued her holy task with great vigor and through 
noble stratagems did indeed draw the bilious fluid of the demon out of the 
man; but alas on each occasion the demon had returned by the time of the 
nun's next visit, and the process of exorcism needed to be repeated many 
times.  Fortunately, the nun enjoyed her holy chore and kept laboring at it 
with the patience of Jezebel.

This is an excellent story.  It reminds me that back when I was in Catholic 
elementary school we had to give our pastor a "Spiritual Bouquet" for his 
golden anniversary.  He thanked our class, as he read it out loud: "....21 
masses, 17 rosaries, 50 Our Fathers, 70 Hail Marys, 400 ejaculations...."  
And then he laughed.  To us, an ejaculation was a short prayer, such as 
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, pray for us."  To our pastor the word had a more 
interesting meaning, which I suppose he heard about in the confessional. I 
don't think he thought the fifteen boys in our class were up to the task of 
400 ejaculations prior to graduation.  In retrospect, I don't think the nun 
who taught the class had any idea what the pastor was laughing about.

Ratings for "Flying Nun"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Andy Griffith" by Uncle Mike (fr582@cleveland.Freenet.Edu).  

Two little boys were arguing about the prestige of their parents.  "My father 
is a doctor," said one. "I get free medical care. I can be healthy for 
nothing."  The other boy replied, "Big shit! My father's a minister.  I can 
be good for nothing."  I modified his story a little, but this is probably 
the first time my pastor has been quoted on this newsgroup, although I 
suspect his picture has appeared on one of the others.  More relevant to this 
review - Opie was the son of Sheriff Andy of Mayberry, and so he was good for 
nothing.

This story begins with Opie transporting a peach pie from Aunt Bea to Helen 
Crump, who happens to be preoccupied at the time with Thelma Lou, who is 
deeply engrossed in Helen's hair pie. Opie is what them city fellers call 
transfixed, holdin' onto that peach pie in one hand and rubbin' his penis 
with the other.  Well, it seems that Opie has been under the influence of 
Ernest T. Bass or a city slicker or something, `cause when Thelma Lou leaves 
he goes into Helen's house and tells her that he's going to blow the whistle 
on her unless she gives him a real good blow job.  And she does.  But Opie 
doesn't stop there.  He says he wants to fuck her.  And he does.  And Miss 
Crump moans and bucks just like a regular woman.  And Helen says maybe next 
time he could fuck Thelma Lou too.  And when Opie walks out and goes home, 
he's whistlin' all the way.

Ratings for "Andy Griffith"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Welcome Back Kotter" by Uncle Mike (fr582@cleveland.Freenet.Edu). 

Mr. Kot-terrrr's wife Julie finds a love note that seems to indicate that 
Gabe has been doing the horizontal lambada with a female Sweathog.  She 
resolves to teach both Gabe and the vixen a lesson.  But then Vinnie 
Barbarino and Freddy Washington show up on the fire escape, and Julie 
switches to plan B.  The guys are seeking counseling from Mr. Kotter 
regarding how to make a better impression on Chrissy, who happens to be 
Gabe's Sweathog Playmate.  A sudden inspiration hits Julie, and she knows how 
to teach everyone a lesson.  Rather than an abstract lecture, Julie gives 
Vinnie and Freddy hands-on practice.  When Arnold Horshack shows up, all her 
orifices are covered.  When Gabe arrives home after "work," Julie has a 
riddle for him: "If a bird in the hand is better than two in the bush, what's 
better than a bird in the hand? Give up? A bird in the mouth AND two in the 
bush!" Gabe doesn't get it.  Serves him right!

Ratings for "Welcome Back Kotter"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Fame" by Uncle Mike (fr582@cleveland.Freenet.Edu).  

This story is based on the movie and television series of the same title; but 
knowledge of those shows is unnecessary.  This story about a teacher and 
student rehearsing for a dance performance stands on its own. It is replete 
with arpeggios, counterpoints, dramatic leaps, abrupt pirouettes, and other 
subtleties that rarely occur in light-hearted sex stories.  Once the sweat 
kicks in and the music charges the emotions, Miss Grant begins to look 
literally lewd and lascivious in her lovely, lithe, and luscious little 
leotard that covers her palpably pulsating pussy while her pupil plays the 
piano.  Lost in a delightful daydream about driving his desperate dick into 
the dark cunt of his teacher and fatefully fantasizing about her eyes 
flashing during the forthcoming fellatio, Bruno strikes a heavy chord when he 
would have preferred to remove her g-string, and his faux pas draws the 
teacher's attention to his engorged love wand and reminds her that perhaps he 
has a different form of rhapsody on his mind.

As Miss Grant changes into her costume behind the portable blackboard, Bruno 
realizes that her taut brown body is naked before him but for that one 
obstruction, and he tries to regain his composure by concentrating on the 
middle arpeggio while stroking his middle appendage.  To make a long story 
brief, shortly after Miss Grant praises him and encourages him to just keep 
it up, Bruno comes wildly in his pants while the devilish dancer accidentally 
brushes against his beleaguered body. As he finishes the piece, she moves 
away and comments, "Perfect tempo, Mr. Martelli, but you finished too 
quickly."  More practice seems to be in order - but only after she checks and 
tunes his instrument.  Damn!  He'll have to tell his mother the teacher kept 
him after school.

A faux pas occurs! This is a school for the gifted.  Shouldn't "I never 
thought a teacher could suck cock so good" be more fittingly rendered, "I had 
not realized that a teacher could fellate so felicitously"?

This is an exceptionally well-written story.  The description and integration 
with the musical theme was so well done that I practically came just reading 
about the dance scenario - before there was any actual sexual contact.  Then 
the actual sex was even more vivid.  I strongly recommend this story!

Ratings for "Fame"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "WKRP in Cincinnati" by Uncle Mike (fr582@cleveland.Freenet.Edu).  

Jennifer is feeling horny.  She has agreed to baby-sit for a large Russian 
wolfhound while its owner went to dinner with Herb.  When Jennifer crawls 
under the desk to get a piece of paper, she gets stuck there; and she finds 
it not entirely unpleasant when she finds the dog licking and then fucking 
her panty-less cunt.  In gratitude, she even gives the hound a blow job.  
Aside from this healthy dose of bestiality, the story also contains humor 
that runs generally parallel to that in the TV series.

Ratings for "WKRP in Cincinnati"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

* "Cleave It to Beaver" by MrNatural (an351140@anon.penet.fi).  

"Ward, I think you were a little rough on the beaver last night."  June 
Cleaver has made that statement many times in television reruns, but note 
that this time "the beaver" is not capitalized.  As you may have guessed, 
this story is an irreverent treatment of the old "Leave It to Beaver" series 
which is in constant syndication on cable TV.  "Sorry, June.  But when a man 
feels really special about a woman, even his wife, sometimes he has to 
express it in ways that are a little decisive."  I'll bet he was carrying his 
pipe and wearing his sweater when he said that!  "It's just the right thing 
to do and I know we all feel better when we do the right thing."

This story alleges that The Beave was named after his father's beaver 
cleaver.  This story makes lots of interesting allegations.  And what does 
this mean? "I've told you boys about eating wieners when you don't know where 
they've been.  Maybe I should go up and give Beaver that  lesson." 

You can well imagine that Eddie Haskell will have something obsequious to say 
to June, and I won't go into that here - except to say that June finds it 
ironic to  think of all the times Ward has called Eddie a little prick.

This is an extremely good example of a sexual parody.  DO NOT READ THIS AT 
THE OFFICE COMPUTER, if you are the sort of person who has trouble explaining 
to your coworkers why you are laughing uproariously.  The author does a 
wonderful job of making the characters stay in character while they do things 
that are completely out of character.  It's enough to make me grant complete 
forgiveness for the several typographical errors I encountered.

This story ends with a notation: "More will follow if response is good."  I 
assure you - response will be good.  A _little_ more will be enjoyable; but I 
urge this author not to try too much of a good thing.  After a few more 
episodes, I'd like to see him go to work on some of the other popular sitcums.
 
Ratings for "Cleave It To Beaver"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Home Improvement - Tim Discovers True Manhood" by Phil Phantom (reposted 
by Hawaiian Heat). 
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=363934012

"Hidie ho, neighbor lady Jill," says Wilson shortly before he slips his 
immense pecker through a hole in the fence.  Jill is seeking relief after 
getting all hot and bothered by her experience of catching the boys having 
sex with one another.

Later Tim seeks advice from his neighbor, and he gives Wilson's aphorisms his 
customary twist after proving his manhood to Jill: "A good, secure man 
understands his woman's needs.  Get bigger ones {cucumbers for masturbation} 
if you want.  You know, Sparticus used to give eels to his Greek women.  That 
Sparticus, now that was a man's man.  Aaarrrghh, Aaarrrghh, Aaarrrghh!"  To 
find out what Wilson actually said, you'll have to read the story.

The real value of a good parody / sex story is that it's possible to imagine 
the "real" characters doing what the story describes; and this story 
certainly accomplishes that task.

Even with the omission of that lovely young lass with the nice ass who 
carries tools for Tim and Al, this has to be one of the most creative 
parodies of "Home Improvement" that I have ever seen.  Wait a minute - I 
forgot about Ann Douglas's tale of Jill's infatuation with Heidi, the young 
lady from the preceding sentence. Comparing the two, I'd have to say that I 
liked Ann's version better as a sex story, but Mr. Phantom gets the nod on 
the strength of his parody.  I mean, this one really did have the tone of an 
actual "Home Improvement" episode.

In addition, an author named Jay-P has written several parodies of "Home 
Improvement," but none approaching the quality of the two I cited in the 
preceding paragraph.  Uncle Mike has also done a "Home Improvement" parody, 
but I felt it was not one of his best.

Ratings for "Tim Discovers True Manhood"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "The Tingle" by DG (dionysian1@hotmail.com).  

In this Seinfeld episode, Elaine reveals to Jerry that when a woman touched 
her recently, she got this story's eponymous tingle, suggesting that she 
might be a closet lesbian.  The problem is that Elaine has already set Alyssa 
up with George Costanza, and Alyssa professes to be impressed with the fact 
that George still lives with his parents. {No, this is not an incest story - 
she's faking that part!}  However, Alyssa does have secrets, which I won't 
disclose here; and she gets George a job writing spam ads for the sexually 
explicit website operated by Lovenet Communications; but George has trouble 
writing good slogans and has to bring Kramer in as a consultant....  Well, 
you can probably figure out where this is going.  In several respects this 
story overlaps with Malinov's Spam Contest. 

A good sitcom parody for this newsgroup should both be sexy and adhere to the 
format of the show which it parodies.  This story does both.  If you like 
both sex and Seinfeld, you'll enjoy this story.

Ratings for "The Tingle"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================

"Shoulder Straps" by DrSpin (drspin@newsguy.com). Guest review by Dave Myers.

This one is basically a pretty typical male fantasy about a woman that finds 
herself unable to say "no" in a situation which has all indicators pointing 
to "no way". A male friend sleeping over after a late night of drinking wakes 
up to find that the hostess is irresistible. He must have her, and in no time 
the married woman gives in.

Back up a sec. It's better than it sounds, to be fair. It's just that the 
plotting is almost that crisp, and it didn't need to be so cut and dried. 
Given the situation that the author has concocted, the amount of resistance 
encountered is pretty small in a situation that could have been changed in a 
few small ways to make it seem more real. It almost seems as if the author 
spent a late night out drinking, wound up on the couch of his married friend, 
and got up one morning and had breakfast with her and her husband and their 
baby, then went home and kicked himself for not putting the moves on his lady 
friend before hubby had woken up! Well... ok so I completely fabricated that, 
but the story has that quality. Nice fantasy, but the fictionalization could 
still use some work.

It has me thinking about this book I read a few years ago by the author of 
the book that Clinton gave to Lewinsky (Vox). He has another soft-porn book 
about a man who can stop time and uses it to undress women. It's a flawed 
book that rates above average (but not by far). Here, too, it's as if the 
male house guest wakes up and puts his hostess under a time warp spell where 
she's almost not moving and he's the one putting all the moves on, around 
her. A bit too much objectification for me, I guess.

{No numerical rating}

"Angie" by MichaelD (MichaelD38@aol.com).Guest Review by BillyG 
(hayden@mindless.com).

MichaelD paints a sensitive picture of the hunt - teenage boy and girl 
searching for each other and not quite sure who the other really is.  We'll 
assume for purposes of this review that the story is, at least in part, 
autobiographical, for it just rings with a certain emotional authenticity.

Jeff, the male protagonist picks up am underage, sixteen-year-old high school 
student, Angie,  in a Daytona nightclub where they slam together like a 
couple of refrigerator magnets. Relatively inexperienced ones.

The sex is too painfully uncertain and tentative to be very erotic.  Most 
first time experiences like that are. Angie's game, however, and is willing 
to try all she's heard, including, to our surprise, anal sex.  "It hurt so 
bad," she said quietly. "It sort of felt good at the same time, but it mostly 
hurt. But then, all of a sudden, I was . . . I was coming, you know, and it 
was the most intense thing I've ever felt. I don't understand why."

Afterward, in a braggadocio manner, Jeff relates the entire adventure to his 
buddies and one has the feeling that it's too superficial to go much further. 
 Still, he persists despite our expectations and later meets her parents who 
are quite effective in setting up road blocks to impede any romance. They 
drift apart.  Noting that the story is only half over at this juncture, we're 
not surprised that when he's subsequently transferred to Oakland, he runs 
into her again two years later when she's attending a woman's college nearby.

As with most teenage romances, it's never clear what the glue is, but it's 
apparently operative, for they again come together with great intensity, this 
time in Golden Gate park on a blanket.  I've been to that park at night and 
I'm reminded of Mark Twain's observation that the coldest winter he ever 
experienced was the summer he spent in San Francisco.  Didn't phase them a 
moment.

Unlike most erotic stories - the wham-bang variety - this ends with the 
romantic note of their marriage in Golden Gate Park close to their trysting 
site.

The story has a sweet, romantic tone and even in the face of the explicit 
sexuality, it's not particularly erotic.  Still, it's well worth the read.

Ratings for "Angie"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character):    9
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 8

"CASH-ing Out" by Jack of all Trades (tradesjackofall@hotmail.com).

This is only marginally a "sex story," although it does have quite a few sex 
scenes in it. More of a novelty than anything else, it tells the story of how 
the government was forced to interfere in the erotic stories industry.

I don't want to give anything away, so I won't say much more about it. 
However, the reader might be interested to know that Bill Clinton, Janet 
Reno, and even Bob Dole love to read erotica.

I had many a chuckle as I read this story. If you're not necessarily looking 
for anything hot and heavy, "CASH-ing Out" is definitely worth your time.

Ratings for "CASH-ing Out"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot and character): 10
Watchful Owl (appeal to reviewer): 8

"Double Blind" by Sasha Lorring (hotsasha1@hotmail.com). Review by Anne747 
(Anon747@aol.com).

I enjoyed reading this.  Short, sweet and to the point.  No, I'm not talking 
about the first sentence.  Well, not really.  The story takes a simple idea 
and makes it work.  Blindfolding your lover can give them an erotic 
experience.  Now, double it - both of you blindfolded.  I think it's 
something to try the next time you're in the mood for something a little 
different.  The author does a good job of making me feel what "Sasha" feels 
during the experience.  A very good choice for a hot, sexy read.

Ratings for "Double Blind"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Anne747 (appeal to reviewer): 10


<end>

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