


 

 
                       IDENTITY CRISIS

                             by 

                          Joe Doe
 

A FAMOUS MOVIE STAR, A CELEBRITY LOOKALIKE, A BUMP ON THE HEAD, AND 
THREE HORNY DEPUTIES LEAD TO A HUMILIATING, FORCED STRIPTEASE IN A 
HILLBILLY JAIL.  



The Halle Berry imposter had fooled everyone.  While Halle was 
filming in the remotest regions of Africa, the imposter had 
lived in her house, spent her money, and fooled friends and 
family alike.   

Halle was angry, and her lawyer knew it.  "First you tell me that 
some imposter has spent $250,000 of MY MONEY.  Then you tell me 
that I got to fly out here to the middle of nowhere and play dress 
up to get my money back.  This is crazy, Charles!"  She pounded 
her fist on the table in the interrogation room.  

"Halle, try to understand," her lawyer said, soothingly.  "This 
woman looks exactly like you.  A number of the merchants are still 
insisting that it WAS you.  Frankly, if you hadn't come back, we 
would STILL think she was you.  If we can get a picture of you 
two standing next to each other, dressed alike, we can establish 
the uncanny resemblance in civil court, and you won't be liable 
for her fraud.  So let's get the picture and get the heck out 
of here." 

When the fat butch matron brought the imposter into the small 
interrogation room and un-cuffed her, Halle's eyes nearly popped 
out of her head.  "THAT WOMAN LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE ME," she thought.  
And it wasn't just the looks.  Her voice, her mannerisms, and her 
inflections were all dead on. 

"She may be a mental case," Halle thought, "but she sure is 
clever.  She really has me pegged."   

Both women were dressed in jeans, black sneakers, and a white 
t-shirt.  Halle examined her double closely.  The only difference 
she could see was that she had a gold Rolex watch on her wrist, 
and the imposter didn't. 

Halle's lawyer sensed his client's discomfort and suggested that 
they take the picture so that Halle could leave.  The tiny room 
was too small for Halle's lawyer, the matron, the imposter, Halle, 
and the other deputy to stand in, so the photographer asked for 
everyone other than Halle and her double to step outside.  

"Halle, can you move closer to the imposter?" the photographer 
asked. 

Both girls moved closer together.  "This is just too creepy," Halle 
thought.   

After taking about 15 pictures in all, the photographer had just 
stepped out to summon the matron and Halle's lawyer when he heard 
a piercing scream.  

The lawyer, the photographer, and the matron rushed back into the 
room.  

"She fainted!" the actress cried out to her lawyer.  "The imposter 
fainted." 

The fat lesbian matron elbowed her way over.  "Well, she's still 
alive, and her breathing's normal."   

"What's wrong with her?"  

"Probably nothing serious, Miss Berry.  Let's just get her back 
to her cell so she can lie down," the matron suggested.  She and 
Halle's lawyer carried the girl back to her cell, and laid her 
on the bunk. 

"I think she'll be okay," the matron said.  "Sometimes these things 
happen as a result of stress.  If you got the pictures you need, 
you can go, Miss Berry." 

"Are you sure?  I just don't want to leave her like this." 

"I'm sure she'll be fine, Halle," the lawyer said.  "All you 
have to do is decide whether or not you want to challenge the 
psychiatrist's report and bring criminal charges, or let the 
results of her competency hearing stand.  And we can decide 
that later.  Besides, you have a plane to catch."   

She glanced at her Rolex.  "You're right, Charles.  Thank you, 
everyone, for your help.  My lawyer will be in touch.  Then she 
signed a few autographs and left.

		****************************** 

Halle woke up about thirty minutes later with a splitting headache. 
Where did her lawyer go?  Why was she locked in a cell?  What time 
was it?  She looked at her watch, but it was gone.  Then it all 
came back to her. 

As soon as the photographer had left the room, the imposter had hit 
her in the side of the head.  She must have lost consciousness.  
But...why was she in a locked in a jail cell...and where was her 
watch? 

Halle shouted for help, and the cellblock door finally opened.  The 
fat matron came through the door, but, now that the guests were 
gone, her demeanor was totally different. 

"Well, well, well, it looks like sleeping beauty has finely 
awakened.  Have a nice sleep, princess?  I wouldn't want you 
to miss your strip-search.  Heaven knows I don't want to miss 
it, not with a cute little piece of ass like you." 

As the matron led Halle down to the shower block, Halle tried to 
explain the switch, but the lesbian matron responded by cracking 
her across the back of her the head with her baton.  

"I've been listening to your con all morning, and your act is 
getting a little old, honey."  Halle decided to shut up and 
play out her hand.  Her head was already throbbing, and she 
didn't need to get a concussion from an insane matron.   

SOMEONE would listen to her! 

The fat matron shoved her through a door labeled "RECEPTION."   

"Of course, now that you're going to be an overnight guest, we're 
going to try a new act," the matron jeered.  "This one is called 
'Celebrity Look-A-Like Strip-Search.'  And you get to be the star. 

"I never got to strip-search a real, live, doggone movie star!" she 
matron said excitedly.  "Especially not one as pretty as you are.  
Of course, it would be even more fun if you were the real thing." 

"Well, at least this is going to be a fun evening for you," Halle 
thought, contemptuously.  She knew she had to hold out until she 
got to see a judge, a lawyer, or someone who would listen to her. 

"You in here, Max?"  A man dressed in a deputy uniform poked his 
head through the door.  

"The name is 'MAXINE'!" the matron said with some annoyance. 

Two men entered the room.  The deputy was short and greasy-looking, 
with buckteeth and a pock-marked face.  The other was an enormously 
fat man who kept wiping his nose with the sleeve of his coveralls.  
He looked nervously around the room and seemed to have trouble 
focusing his attention anywhere for very long. 

"Woweee!" the deputy said.  "You're strip-searching Halle Berry." 

"Well, as close as you're going to get, anyway," Maxine shot back. 

"He's closer than you think, lady," Halle thought, bitterly. 

"Can me and Doofus watch?" the deputy asked.  "We ain't never seen 
a big Hollywood star in the 'all-together'!" 

At first Maxine refused, but Jeb kept after her.  Finally they 
agreed on a price.  For $2, Jeb could watch Maxine strip Halle 
down "to the SKIN."  His brother, Doofus, could watch for free, 
"seeing as how he's just a moron anyway!" 

But Jeb insisted on value for his $2.  If he was going to pay "all 
that money," then he wanted to see "Miss Hoity-Toity dance a little 
striptease for me, just like a ho up in the big city."

Maxine snorted.  "Kind of like a pay-per-view special...you pay, 
and then you view." 

Halle looked on in horror as Jeb handed Maxine the two greasy 
bills.  She was used to getting paid millions for her movie roles.  
Now she was trapped in this shabby jail, and she was going to be 
forced to perform a humiliating "strip tease to the SKIN" for two 
deputies and a moron.    

"They are going to make me strip NAKED," she thought in disbelief.  
"They are going to make me dance a striptease...for a lousy $2!"   
Why didn't anyone realize who she was?   

The fat matron walked over to the corner and turned on an 
old-fashioned radio.  She dialed up a station that was 
playing fast-paced hillbilly music. 

Halle couldn't believe that she was going to have to dance naked 
while a bunch of hillbillies fiddled up a storm.   She considered 
refusing, but the way the matron was tapping the palm of her hand 
with the baton convinced her to cooperate. 

She started to dance, slowly at first, gradually swaying her hips 
in time to the fiddle music.   

"That's it, city girl!" the deputy shouted. enthusiastically.  
"Shake that sweet little ass for us!" 

Halle took off her sneakers and socks first, praying desperately 
that someone, anyone, would come to help her. 

But, of course, no one came. 

She turned her back on them as she slowly started to inch the 
t-shirt up, gradually revealing the creamy mocha skin on her 
flawless back.  When she turned around and revealed her purple 
bra, Jeb led out a wolf whistle that made her flinch. 

"That's it, girl.  Shake them titties for us!  Make 'em jiggle!"  

The song on the radio ended, and Halle stopped for a moment, 
hopefully.  But another fast-paced instrumental number started 
up, this one featuring a banjo, a harmonica, a mouth harp, and, 
appropriately enough under the circumstances, a couple of jugs.   

"What a lucky break," Halle thought, sarcastically.  "It must 
be a full hour of uninterrupted hoedown music.  They'll have 
plenty of tunes to strip me naked with." 

Halle opened the snap on her jeans and haltingly, teasingly, pulled 
down the zipper.  While the three watched, transfixed, her purple 
lace panties came into view.  The matron was still tapping the 
baton against her palm, so Halle knew that she had better put on 
an entertaining show. 

"Look at them undies!" Maxine guffawed.  

"All pretty and lacy," the deputy admired. 

Halle turned her back on them as she eased the jeans over her hips. 
She bent over and pulled her pants down her long legs, raising her 
scantily covered bottom high in the air, and the deputy let out a 
rebel yell.  Halle shuddered. 

She was now dancing in just her flimsy bra and panties, grinding 
her hips and shaking her breasts in time to the fast-paced music.  
Doofus was enjoying the show, telling his brother that he liked 
the way "she jiggled."  But the smile on the matron's face told 
Halle that she wanted something more.  Reluctantly she turned her 
back and then reached behind her to unclasp her bra.   

"The moment of truth," the matron said with a sneer. 

Stung by the matron's cutting remark, Halle hesitated for a moment, 
but then continued.  It was better to just get it over with.  She 
quickly eased the bra straps over her arms and dropped the bra on 
the floor.  

When she turned around with her arms covering her breasts, everyone 
laughed, because she was clearly so embarrassed. 

Halle reluctantly let her arms drop to her sides, exposing her 
breasts to their careful examination. 

"Look at the hooters on her!" Jed exclaimed. 

"Yeah, that's one fine set of tits," Maxine agreed.  "But I want 
to see PUSSY!"  Jed and Doofus both started hooting up a storm.  
Doofus didn't understand everything that was going on, but he 
understood that a good show was about to get much better. 

"I wonder if her pussy is gonna be pink!" Jed cried. 

"We'll know soon enough," the matron said.  Looking Halle right 
in the eye, she gave the order.  "It's time to shuck off those 
fancy pants, sweet stuff, and show us your tight little gash." 

Halle once again turned her back on the jeering red necks and bent 
at the waist, slowly lowered her scanty purple underpants to the 
ground.  Then she turned, completely exposed. 

"Isn't that just a little piece of heaven?" the matron said, with 
a laugh. 

"Can we stay and watch the cavity search?" Jed asked, anxiously. 

Maxine agreed to let Doofus and Jed watch the strip-search...for 
a price.  Jed was out of money, so he agreed to turn over the candy 
stash in the top drawer of his desk.  Halle looked on in horror as 
she was pimped out by the matron for a few old Snickers bars and 
half a dozen pieces of bubblegum. 

Maxine was relentless as she drove Halle through her paces, barking 
at the naked woman like a Marine drill sergeant. 

"Stand up straight....  Straighter!  Stick your tits out!  Run your 
hands through your hair.  Now shake out your hair.  

"We need to loosen up that tight little twat....  Time for squat 
jumps!  Bend your knees until your hands touch the ground, then 
jump up hard and fast with your hands over your head like you're 
trying to make a basket!"  

Halle obeyed, first crouching, and then jumping up so her feet left 
the ground and her bare breasts bounced in the air. 

One producer had offered her a million dollars for a nude scene, 
a scene far less humiliating than the role she was now playing.    
Halle Berry, the millionaire movie star, was dancing the most 
humiliating striptease imaginable...for $2 and some sweets. 

The fat matron slipped on a rubber glove, and quickly greased it 
with some cheap liquid soap.  "First I get the real Halle Berry's 
autograph, and then I get to give her twin the finger!" she cackled. 

Halle knew the matron was wrong twice, but braced herself for the 
slippery finger.  

		****************************** 

Doofus was enjoying watching her shower.  He had been to the 
movies and knew who Halle Berry was.  He was standing outside 
when they brought the imposter in the first day, and he noticed 
then that the imposter had a small scar on her elbow that now 
seemed to have vanished.   

Doofus thought about it, and then thought about it harder, and then 
thought some more.  He had heard that the real Halle Berry was in 
town.  Is it possible they got switched?  Was it possible this was 
the REAL Halle Berry, and the imposter had gotten away? 

Doofus decided against saying anything to his brother or to Max.  
After all, he didn't want people to think he was DUMB.... 

		****************************** 

Jed looked through the small window of the cell block door at the 
sleeping beauty.  "I sure am going to enjoy having her around for 
a few days," he said, wistfully. 

"Well, that's too bad," Max said.  Halle Berry's lawyer called and 
said that she doesn't want to prosecute.  But he does want the girl 
transferred to that big insane asylum they opened downstate.  Of 
course, it makes things simpler.  Since she's already been declared 
crazy, and no one is challenging it, they don't have to get her a 
lawyer or nothing.  They can just lock her in the booby hatch and 
throw away the key." 

"But that place is supposed to be a real hellhole!" Jed exclaimed.  
"Didn't they have some big scandal a few years ago?" 

"Yeah, they fired a bunch of orderlies and doctors," she replied 
casually.  "But they hired them all back a few weeks later, after 
the press left."    

Jed sighed.  He knew that with the abuse, the drugs, and the 
electroshock, the slumbering girl would soon be wearing diapers.  
"What a waste!" he said, sadly. 

"Whatever...it doesn't matter," Maxine replied brusquely.  "At 6:00 
AM, we'll put her in a straitjacket and give her a one way trip to 
the funny farm." 

Even as she slumbered in her cell, Halle's mind raced ahead to her 
plans for the next day.  The truth would be easy to prove.   

In the morning the court would appoint a public defender.  She 
would ask the court-appointed attorney to compare her fingerprints 
now to the fingerprints that were taken when the imposter was 
arrested.  When they didn't match, she would tell the startled 
public defender to fax a copy of her fingerprints to her real 
lawyer, who would quickly fix this terrible injustice.  Halle 
slept peacefully, confident that her identity crisis would soon 
be over... 

In her dreams.



Edited by C. Lakewood
 
