Celestial Reviews 54 - Jan 20, 1996

Note:  The proofreading service is in full operation, and people are 
reporting successful use of it.  IF YOU WANT FREE HELP AND FEEDBACK 
BEFORE POSTING A STORY, contact me, and I'll match you up with some of 
the reviewers.  Remember: you're not admitting to being a "bad writer" 
by asking for a proofreader.  Everyone can benefit from having someone 
to help with their work.  Please note, however, that this proofreading 
service is loosely organized.  I think the proofreaders are doing a 
good job; but if you get a proofreader that seems to have forgotten 
that you exist - or if you get an assignment to proofread for someone 
who never corresponds with you - either be patient or contact me for a 
new arrangement.

Second note:  I'd like to remind you that this newsgroup supplies you 
with some pretty good stories at little or no cost.  The main reason 
these authors post these stories is to see how readers react.  If you 
like a story or even if you dislike a story and can give a reason, why 
not take a few moments to send a message to the author?  That's why I 
give the e-mail addresses when they're available.

Third note:  I have had so many complaints about people not finding the 
postings of either my reviews or of other stories that I am going to 
make it a policy to repost all of my reviews at least once.  This week 
I am reposting CR 51 through 53.

- Celeste

      "Shop" by Deirdre (reluctant exhibitionism) 10
      "Sight" by Deirdre (voyeurism) 7
      "Sitter" by Deirdre (varieties of bdsm) 7
      "Slave" by Deirdre (sex slavery) 9 
      "Society" by Deirdre (sex slavery) 10
      "Spa" by Deirdre (bondage & anal sex) 9
      "Mary & Jessica" by Mary (ff romance) 9.5++
      "Encounter with Celeste" by by RedFlag the Pirate 
           (night time sex in the swimming pool) 8
      "Scorpio Madness" by Green Onions (lusty,
            sensual romance) 10

Deirdre-mania:  The person who reposts the Deirdre stories has moved 
ahead of me.  Since I think it works better if I post the reviews 
before the stories appear in the a.s.s. postings, I'm going to review 
six Deirdre stories in this issue, so that I'll be ahead again. 
Moreover, on this festive occasion, I'm going to give you some 
biographical background on this most prolific of a.s.s. authors.  Let 
me point out the Deirdre is a very private person; and I actually have 
no direct information about her.  Therefore, everything I say in the 
following biographical sketch is either a shrewd inference or a pure 
fabrication.  You be the judge.

Although we have never met, sometimes I feel very close to Deirdre; and 
this qualifies me as her biographer.  I often think of her as the 
sister I never had, sharing the bedroom that we never shared while we 
stayed awake until the wee hours, discussing strategies for using the 
devices in the basement we never had to sexually subjugate the mother 
we never had.

If I am right in my conjectures, Deirdre was born about 37 years ago in 
either Muncie Indiana or Buffalo New York.  She was loved by her 
parents and got along well with everyone except her sister, whom she 
regarded (with good reason) as a promiscuous slut.  She was a very good 
student through high school, but she remained inconspicuous, except for 
her starring role on the school's losing volleyball team.  In her real 
life her friends even today refer to her by an ironic nickname that 
derives from the fact that she could never spike the ball effectively - 
but why would an outstanding setter care about that?

Deirdre attended college at either Wabash or Indiana University (if the 
Muncie birth theory is correct) or at one of the excellent state 
colleges in the New York system (if the Buffalo theory is correct).  
However, it is my understanding that she eventually graduated from the 
University of Texas, where she majored in journalism with a minor in 
education and where she met her future husband, who has doted on her 
and to whom she has been faithful for the past twelve years.  Deirdre 
has two children, Bradley and Stephanie - both born within wedlock, 
although there is a distinct possibility that the latter was conceived 
as a result of sexual activity in the doggie position rather than Roy's 
more preferred missionary approach.

While she was in college, Deirdre took a course on Freudian psychology, 
during which she wrote term papers on the Id and the Oedipal and 
Electra complexes.  Those are the only topics she still remembers from 
that course, and that influence still shows in her erotic writing.  Her 
other favorite course was American Literature, which was taught by an 
elderly professor who did his doctoral dissertation on e.e. cummings.  
Although she was infatuated with the old guy, he was in fact a 
doddering fool; and his only influence on Deirdre's writing can be 
found in her decision to use the lower-case d as the first letter in 
her nom de plume.

Deirdre and Roy, now live with their two children and three cats in 
Sulphur Springs, Texas, where she teaches fifth grade in a public 
school and works part-time as the manager of a local fast-food 
restaurant specializing in ice-cream desserts.  The inspiration for 
most of her stories comes from listening to conversations in the 
teachers' lounge and from observations of all the lonely people who buy 
ice cream from her.

Of course, as far as this newsgroup is concerned, the most important of 
Deirdre's characteristics is the fact there is reason to believe that 
she is Sherwood Anderson reincarnated.  Anderson's bizarre spirit has 
pervaded her life and has influenced her reaction to the Freudian 
psychology course, to her marriage, to the mysterious hand fondling her 
ass when she rode the elevator in Chicago, and to most of the other 
events in her life.  However, although Anderson was resented and 
actively hated by the citizens of Clyde, Deirdre is quite popular in 
Sulphur Springs - mostly because she has had the good sense to remain 
anonymous. 

The second most important influence on Deirdre's literary life was a 
beautiful, vibrant, and intelligent high school English teacher, who 
turned her on to literature and inspired Deirdre with an insatiable 
urge to do likewise to others through her own writing.

Like Anderson, Deirdre is a Virgo; but this is not really an important 
fact, since most Virgos don't put much stock in horoscopes anyway.

Deirdre selected her pseudonym in honor of Deirdre Bair, the biographer 
of Samuel Becket (who strongly influenced her writing style) and of 
Simone de Beauvoir (who influenced her feminist attitudes, which are 
seldom apparent in her erotic writings).

There has been a certain amount of speculation in this biographical 
sketch.  But what the heck!  Some of it might be true!

"Shop" by Deirdre. "You should always check out a bikini with the top 
off. You might go to some European beach...." That's not a hormonally 
imbalanced adolescent talking to his girlfriend.  It's a saleslady 
talking to the sweet young thing who has tried on a bikini that the 
customer herself considers to be far too skimpy.  The saleslady soon 
finds a ally in the woman's shopping companion, who joins the 
discussion with,  "Come on; your husband would like to see you in that 
bikini, wouldn't he? And with the top off too!"  Soon a small crowd of 
consultants gathers, with everyone encouraging her to remove the top.  
Our heroine is now tetering on the edge of disaster: will she follow 
the prompting of these servants of Satan and eat the apple or change 
back into her demure clothing and retain her right to the Garden of 
Eden?  I'm not telling!  This bizarre, surrealistic story shows Deirdre 
at her best.  I've often had the same dream, but for some reason 
Deirdre omitted the ferret.  (Rating: 10)

"Sight" by Deirdre.  The neighbor comments to the woman that her 
husband must surely be great in bed.  The woman concludes that maybe 
this sexy neighbor has designs on her husband.  Then she happens to see 
the neighbor making passionate love to her boyfriend on the balcony.  
That's all there is!  This is a really hot descriptive passage, but 
it's not really a story - it's just an excellent snippet that could 
become part of a really good story.  (Rating: 7)

"Sitter" by Deirdre.  "Third Rock from the Sun" is a sitcom on American 
network television about a group of aliens from outer space who have 
come to earth and reside in human bodies but have trouble adapting to 
the customs of our society.  Sometimes I feel equally out of place 
reading a Deirdre story; and I'm never really sure whether it's myself 
or her characters who are out of step with reality.  I guess the people 
in this story would be considered either strange or dysfunctional, but 
those are rather harsh labels.  After all what harm is there in a 
blindfolded mother fondling her blindfolded daughter while the girl 
eases herself onto the cock of a neighbor bound spread eagle on a bed 
and the mother eases her muff into his face?  After all, they're all 
consenting adults.  And why would we be surprised or upset to notice 
that both women were chained to a hook on the ceiling while they did 
this?  And what young girl wouldn't be at least a little excited to 
whip another naked young woman or to fondle the breasts of the 
dominatrix while watching all this?  I mean, it's not as if these 
people are embezzling money from retirement communities or creating 
mayhem on the highways.  

What troubles me about Deirdre's stories is that I get ideas.  I rarely 
get sexually excited while reading the stories, but I start wondering 
about things.  Like that little old lady up the street.  Maybe she's 
not so lonely after all.  Is she perhaps naked under her raincoat?  Is 
that really an umbrella in that bag or could it be a whip?  Do those 
two old men really drive her to church on Sunday?  When the minister 
visits, why is he always smiling?  It gets worse.  I saw Hillary 
Clinton on TV the other day.  She smiles a lot for no apparent reason.  
There's a basement in the White House, and I'll bet there are hooks all 
over the place.  And handcuffs.  And her husband sometimes really does 
seem subjected to some sort of mind control.  And then there's that 
attractive woman that's married to Sadam Husein....  Deirdre really 
does make me think sometimes.  (Rating: 7)

"Slave" by Deirdre.  Imagine this. You meet a female friend who is 
accompanied by a very quiet woman.  When you ask, who's your friend, 
she replies, "She's not a friend. She's a slave." I must live a 
sheltered life, because I've never had such a conversation - outside a 
teachers' lounge, of course.  However, the follow-up is fairly common 
in a.s.s. stories.  The woman who asked the question says, "Yeah! 
Right!" and begins to leave.  Her friend then says, "You don't believe 
it?"Just watch." She then turns to the slave and says "Go with Joann 
and do what she tells you."  I remember the same thing happening on a 
documentary on late-night cable television; but it was about astronauts 
living in Cocoa Beach, and the slave's name was Jeanie.  The ending was 
also a little different.  This story is an interesting example of 
Deirdre's ability to tell a sexy story in which there is emphatically 
absolutely no sex at all. (Rating: 9)

"Society" by Deirdre.  A woman gets invited by two colleagues to attend 
the noon-time meeting of the Society for the Advancement of Women In 
Their Twenties.  The woman (who is 42) wonders about the propriety of 
such a club, but the others point out to her that most women want to be 
like women in their twenties - they try to look like women in their 
twenties, and often they lie about their ages, claiming to still be in 
their late twenties.  But ironically women in their twenties are at the 
bottom of the ladder when it comes to jobs: lower than older women and 
lower than all men. Although they have what everyone wants, society-in-
general controls them and limits their freedom.  

OK, so here's a multiple choice question: how do you think SAWTT will 
advance the lifestyle of women in their twenties? Will the society's 
program involve (a) assertiveness seminars, (b) brown bag luncheons, 
(c) karate training, (d) whips and anal sexual activities? Hint: The 
meeting takes place in a large, unmarked aluminum building in an 
industrial park area, with a door in front and very few windows.  This 
story is so bizarre that it's really interesting!  (Rating: 10)

"Spa" by Deirdre.  Rita and her boyfriend visit the spa together, and 
Rita surprises him by suggesting that they stay after everyone else 
leaves and have sex there.  They hide in the locker rooms; but alas! 
they get caught.  What will their punishment be?  Do you think they 
will be turned over to the local law enforcement agency to be 
prosecuted for trespassing?  Or do you think this muscular jock and 
beautiful babe who found them will find it in their hearts to forgive 
them?  And why doesn't Rita seem quite as surprised as she should be?  
What can you do to a person sexually with all those bars and equipment 
in a spa?  And will there be a video camera involved?  This is a very 
good story.  Although Deirdre doesn't describe sexual activities with 
the mellifluous detail of a play-by-play announcer, one of her 
strengths is that she doesn't waste words.  A lot of what you'll get 
from a Deirdre story will come from your own head rather from what 
Deirdre actually says.  This is a good example of that technique.  
(Rating: 9)

"Mary & Jessica++" by Mary (mare@c2.org).  I made some mistakes in the 
original review of this story in the last issue of CR.  First, I messed 
up the author's address.  Second, and more egregiously, I left out the 
"++" from the title.  The characters that I removed constitute a pun in 
the syntax of the C programming language; and heaven knows, if a techie 
is making a pun, I don't want to discourage the practice.  I'm afraid 
there's a stereotype that technologists live in their own world and 
when they try to make jokes they come out with things like those 
"Bastard Operator from Hell" postings that pollute the humor groups.  
Specifically, the '++' in the title is the increment operator.  The "&" 
character specifies a bitwise 'and' operation applied to whatever Mary 
and Jessica are.  The point of the story is about an increment in the 
value of friendship through a complete meshing; the point of the title 
is to concisely summarize that.  I'm sure there are many readers who 
understand this perfectly, but this whole explanation made me wonder 
thus:  "If it's C++, why not give the kid a B minus?"  This whole 
discussion makes me long for one of Deirdre's equally cryptic but 
simpler titles.  The Bard of Sulphur City would have called this simply 
"Shopping" or "Spree" or maybe "Incrementation."

The title aside, it's still an excellent story.  Anyway, the eponymous 
heroines go shopping together to try on and purchase some bras.  (This 
part may be boring - nay, even incomprehensible, to non-TG male 
readers.)  Then they come home and make love together for the first 
time.  In the afterglow, they realize that their relationship has 
changed.  (Hence the "++" in the "--" title.)  The shopping spree 
didn't turn me on, but the lovemaking did. The most interesting aspect 
of this story is the style of its layout, which consists of a paragraph 
by Mary followed by an indented paragraph from Jessica's perspective.  
This enables us to see the story unfold from both viewpoints at once.  
It's a very good story with the balance of viewpoints or the timing 
just a little bit off.  (Revised rating: 9.5++)

"Encounter with Celeste" by RedFlag the Pirate.  As my FAQ states, 
there are two ways to increase the chances that I'll review your story:  
(1) mark it with "<*>" in the title line of the story, or (2) send me a 
copy of it shortly before or as soon as you post it.  Actually, there's 
a third way: put the name Celeste in the title of the story.  This 
story is not about me - at least not that I can remember; but it sure 
did catch my eye.

This is another of the stories being reposted by William Gann.  It's 
about a college-age boy and girl who meet near the guy's family 
swimming pool late at night after a graduation party.  They had dated 
in high school, but both had gone off to college and spent the early 
part of their college education in Hormonal Wonderland.  But at the 
time of their meeting both have more mature insights on life and hard 
work.  To demonstrate the sincerity of their resolution, they make 
passionate love in the pool.  It's a good story.  (Rating: 8)

"Scorpio Madness" by Green Onions (flagger@world.std.com).  The man has 
been happily married to a full-figure woman, whose figure has become 
even fuller.  He relishes her  sensuous rotundity, but her obesity is a 
source of embarrassment to her; and the result is a withdrawal from 
sexual intimacies.  What will they do?  Well, this story isn't posted 
on alt.marital.counseling, so you won't be surprised to know that when 
the narrator meets another woman (Rikki) on the Internet, two marriages 
become sexually rejuvenated as a result of their clandestine 
association.

The cyberlovers should have suspected that things were getting out of 
hand (!) when he sends her a scanned Polaroid picture of him shooting 
his cum into his own mouth.  This is a little hard to imagine.  Not the 
cumshsot - but how in the world would he manage to take a picture of 
it.  If you know how to do this, send me just the answer, not the 
picture.

Pretty soon they are exchanging clothing by mail (PO Box, of course).  
At this point I should mention that neither my spellcheck not my 
excellent unabridged dictionary recognized the word "cumwear," which 
refers to such items as the lady's panties into which the male 
recipient has masturbated after receiving them still wet via USPS in 
their double ziplock bags.  After a short time, the lovers meet in 
person at a highway rest stop, where they frolic sexually in the nearby 
woods.

The sex in this story is sometimes wonderfully creative.  For example, 
I have never even thought of ingesting a brownie as part of a French 
kiss while driving down the highway.  The story is full of surprises.  
After they get pulled over by a cop while they are engaged in foreplay 
at a high rate of speed, nobody has sex with Officer Hardass, but he 
does escape with Rikki's panties.  You can now probably guess the part 
of the country in which this story takes place.

The author deals with several topics that are at least non-traditional 
on a.s.s. - if not actually controversial.  For example, most a.s.s. 
heroines are built like supermodels.  This one is frankly fat, but that 
doesn't lessen her joi de vivre or her ability to give and receive 
sexual pleasure.  In addition, I have omitted the descriptions of 
urination as part of the sexual activity.  The author obviously thrives 
on "watersports."  While I acknowledge that taking a leak in the great 
outdoors has occasionally given me a feeling of liberation that could 
almost be described as sexy, I simply do not see the enjoyment in 
deliberately drinking a partner's pee during sexual activities.  I'm 
not a doctor, but we're talking about consuming waste products; that's 
gotta be at least as dangerous to one's health as smoking.

This author writes extremely well.  The narrative and action flow 
smoothly and naturally.  The author has a wonderful ability to adjust 
his language to express the reality of a situation as well as the 
emotions of the participants.  Even though some of the activities would 
not be of interest to me personally, they are nevertheless fascinating; 
and it's just plain fun to read about two people enjoying each other so 
much.  (Rating: 10)

