
Celestial Reviews 307 - Sept 23, 1998

Note: Superman was feeling bored after a long night of crime fighting and
wanted to go out and party. He called Batman to ask if he wanted to go to a
club and pick up some girls. Batman said Robin was ill & he had to look after
him. A little disappointed, Superman called Spiderman to see if he fancied a
few beers; but Spidey had a date with Catwoman.

As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonder Woman's apartments to see if
she might be free. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonder Woman naked on
the bed with her legs open. Superman thought to himself, "I'm faster than a
speeding bullet! I can be in there, screw her, and be out again before she
knows what happened." So Superman does his super thing in a split second and
flies off happily.

Meanwhile, on the bed, Wonder Woman says, "Did you hear anything?" And
Invisible Man replies "No! But my ass hurts like hell!"

Second note: A fireman says to wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at
the fire station:
Bell 1 rings and we all put on our jackets.
Bell 2 rings and we all slide down the pole.
Bell 3 rings and we're ready to go on the trucks."

"From now on," he said, "We're going to run this house the same way. When I
say:
Bell 1, I want you to strip naked.
Bell 2, I want you to jump into bed.
Bell 3, we're going to screw"
 
The next night the fireman came home from work and yelled,
 "Bell 1!" and his wife took off her clothes.
 "Bell 2! " and his wife jumped into bed.
 "Bell 3!" and they began to screw.
 
After two minutes his wife yelled, "Bell 4!"
"What's this Bell 4?" the husband asks.
"More hose!" she replied, "you're nowhere near the fire!"

Third note:  I'm in immediate need of a couple of proofreaders.  {I even have
one request for a "tough proofreader."} If you'd like to proofread a story or
two for an aspiring author, let me know; and I'll put you in touch with
someone who wants help.  Likewise, if you need help with proofreading, contact
me; and I'll get you a proofreader.  Even if you have volunteered a long time
ago, please contact me again, so that I know you are still available.

Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.

- Celeste

=====================
Celestial Reviews:
=====================

"Dream Girl" by Chew Toy (hypnosis) 10, 9, 9
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=390946789 
---
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/15291.txt 

"Bed and Breakfast" by Mat Twassel (friendly bdsm) 10, 9, 9
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385735488 
---
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14754.txt 

"Dirty Old Men" by xx x (cherry popping) 10, 9, 9
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=390937014 
---
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/15284.txt 

"That Kind" by Morgan Preece (romance)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=392618663 
---
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/15438.txt 

=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================

"Six-Month Turnaround" by Bill Morgan (romance).
JayBird: 10, 8, 10
#1 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14573.txt
#2 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14574.txt
#3 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14575.txt
#4 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14691.txt
#5 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14693.txt
#6 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14735.txt
#7 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14759.txt
#8 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14773.txt
#9 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14790.txt
#10 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14791.txt
#11 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14882.txt
#12 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14881.txt
#13 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14883.txt
#14 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14884.txt
#15 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14885.txt
#16 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14886.txt

"OC Transpo" by Nightingale (stroke story). Dragon: 4, 2, 2
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=390382706 
---
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/15251.txt 

"Accidental Poser" by Secal (bopping the saleslady). Jubjub: 9.5, 8, 8.5
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385759762 
---
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14812.txt 

"Users and Losers" By David 2 {Revenge & Romance}
    BitBard: 10, 10, 9
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=393263560 
---
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/15505.txt 

=====================
Reposted Stories:
=====================

* "Tease" by Hawk Richards (sexual titillation). Bear: 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=392685247 

* " Nextdoor " by Friar Dave (surprise!) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=330289528 

* "Zipless Fuck" by Doug (quickie) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=378068113 

==================

"Dream Girl" by Chew Toy (wellgnawed@hotmail.com)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=390946789 
---
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/15291.txt 

This story was listed as (mc, hyp, mf, md, fd, cons, rom, bond, bdsmlmnop). I
wasn't really sure what to expect.

Now that I've read the story, I suppose the labeling was accurate, except for
the innovative bdsmlmnop.

The guy is acting as the Master of his dream girl, whom he met at a party
where she hypnotized him. But if she hypnotized him, why is he hypnotizing
her? Ah! There's the rub. I guess you'll have to read the story to find out.

Ratings "Dream Girl"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Bed and Breakfast" by Mat Twassel (mmtwassel@aol.com) 10, 9, 9
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385735488 
---
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14754.txt 

The husband has to rush off to work, leaving his wife with nothing to do; and
so she writes him an erotic letter and mails it to him. It arrives at the
office a few days later, and then her arranges a reward for her.

The main part of this "story" is really a you-narrative, and I usually hate
that style of writing, unless I am the "you." However, this one is fine,
because there's a sensible reason for the letter writer to talk about what she
is doing to "you." What the author manages to do is actually quite complex: We
can imagine the wife while she is writing the description of what she is
imagining doing to the husband. Of course we can also imagine the events she
is describing. And we can imagine what the husband is imagining while he is
reading the message.

The whole thing is complex, but the author carries it off very well.

Ratings "Bed and Breakfast"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Dirty Old Men" by xx x (pashun73@yahoo.com)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=390937014 
---
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/15284.txt 

This is a strange story. I think the author is British or something. It begins
with this disclaimer: " This story includes some minor reform spellings. If
you repost you must not change the spelling to trad spelling (if you want to
post it with a more radical reformed spelling, go ahead).

The story is about a dirty old man <er, durty, I guess> and his friend (an
even dirtier old man), who are enlisted by a cheeky young lady to deflower her
friend. It seems that Anita is a virgin but she doesn't want to stay that way.
She reckons she can lose her virginity only once, and so it might as well be
something to remember. So she wants to lose it to a "perv" that's so old,
wrinkled, and "repulsiv" that no one in their right mind would fancy. So the
cheeky young lady thought of our narrator and his friend.

It turns out that Anita is 100% Phwoaar. She's "the type you see at your local
college who you just know are feminists, lesbians or both but knowing they'll
totally out of reach doesn't stop you knowing that you'd risk death to get
your cock inside them."

I guess I see his point.

I still don't see the point in the "reformed spelling," but it's really not
all that annoying. This is a bizarre but interesting story.

Ratings "Dirty Old Men"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"That Kind" by Morgan Preece (jgerrib@gte.net).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=392618663 
---
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/15438.txt 

This can perhaps best be described as a prose poem in a one-sentence
paragraph. It passionately describes the kind of something – perhaps passion –
that the author likes best.

This is a very nice piece of writing. However, if you have one of those
teachers that make you diagram really long sentences, just hope she doesn't
find this one.

(No rating.)

"Six-Month Turnaround" by Bill Morgan (morg105829@hotmail.com). Guest review
by Jay Bird (j_bird3@hotmail.com).
#1 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14573.txt
#2 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14574.txt
#3 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14575.txt
#4 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14691.txt
#5 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14693.txt
#6 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14735.txt
#7 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14759.txt
#8 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14773.txt
#9 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14790.txt
#10 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14791.txt
#11 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14882.txt
#12 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14881.txt
#13 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14883.txt
#14 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14884.txt
#15 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14885.txt
#16 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14886.txt

{Note: I don't often post re-reviews by second guest reviewers. However, this
one seemed to be unusually well written and deserved to be posted. - Celeste}

I'd just like to voice a dissenting opinion with regard to the review of Bill
Morgan's "Six-Month Turnaround" that was posted in Celestial Review #303. In
that post, Vance, a guest reviewer, gave this story an 8/3/3 rating on
Celeste's Athena/Venus/"Vance" scale. I think this is much lower than this
story deserves, and I would encourage folks not to let this review keep them
from reading a good story.

I found very few "Athena" flaws in this story. You might quibble with the
business practices and philosophy espoused in the story, but I generally think
of Celeste's "Athena" category as regards grammar, spelling, format, etc. And,
especially given the length of this story, I found few mistakes indeed of this
nature. I would have given it an Athena of "10" without thinking twice.

The "Venus" scale is supposed to represent plot and character. Now, if this is
supposed to be erotic plot, I can see how "Turnaround" might rate a fairly low
score, since, as the author mentions in the headers of his posts, and Vance
also mentions in his reviews, there's not a lot of sex here. But the
characters are well-developed and consistent, if maybe a little idyllic. Yeah,
real people running a real company would make mistakes, something that Cliff
and Sandra don't seem to do. Some readers might find the plot too idealistic
to feel real, and this might turn them off. It didn't do that to me at all. I
found the characters engaging and interesting, even if they had too few flaws,
and the plot was complex, varied, and interesting enough that I eagerly
awaited the next chapters. That's a good sign, IMO. My review would have given
"Turnaround" at least an "8" for Venus, but I probably would have given it a
"10" and noted the lack of sexual heat and the unrealistic flawlessness of the
main characters.

I can't quibble with Vance's "Vance" rating, because it's supposed to be
"Appeal to reviewer", and is therefore totally subjective. My rating would
have been a 9 or a 10, again with a cautionary note about the non-sexual
nature of the story.

Kudos to Bill for writing a piece of fiction that breaks the mold. It is
encouraging to see Bill and other authors posting stories here that are good
stories first, and erotica second. Other folks may read these newsgroups for
the stroke stories and their own sexual gratification. I read them to be
entertained first. "Turnaround", while not a masterpiece by any stretch of the
imagination, is a very good story, and I was well entertained.. It is well
written, has a complex and interesting plot, and characters I cared about. It
deserves a better fate than to be relegated to second class status by a harsh
review.

Ratings for "Six-Month Turnaround"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Vance (appeal to reviewer): 10

"OC Transpo" by Nightingale (unknown address) (reposted by John Dark). Guest
review by Crimson Dragon.
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=390382706 
---
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/15251.txt 

I had a look at the title of this story and thought ... odd ... I figured that
the title might even make sense after reading the story, but alas. I have no
good explanation for the title; but that is neither here nor there.

Greg and Mona start out playing in a field, decide to continue indoors, play
some more on the bus home, tantalising the author in the process (I think),
and then set down to some serious screwing back at the apartment.

This was basically a 'stroke' story. I ought to warn you that the voyeuristic
content in this story is minimal at best. It is confined to a confusing
interlude on a bus. I should also warn you that I'm not a huge fan of stroke
material, preferring a bit more character and plot in my stories. That might
explain some of the marks below, but I doubt it. If one long sex scene turns
your crank, then this story might be for you if you can get past the
grammatical errors that seem to inundate this piece.

I found the story brimming with cliches, missed tenses, missed words, and ill-
constructed sentences. Just for more fun, the author switches between first
and third person writing, which is exceptionally confusing. Such things bother
me more than most I would imagine, but I found this story particularly poor in
that regard. On the bright side, I didn't find many spelling errors. Despite
all these problems, it was somewhat coherent, if these kinds of stories are
for you. How important is grammar in a true stroke story, I ask?

The plot can be summarised in one word. Sex. There is a bizarre episode on a
bus which only served to confuse the charactisation, what little there was. I
completely lost track of the characters there, mainly because of the
aforementioned flip between first and third person which seemed unnecessary.
To be honest, I didn't quite see the point to the bus interlude. Along with a
very long and mechanical sex scene, that seriously was the extent of the plot.
The characters were cardboard, not caring much beyond the sex of the piece.
The author seemed to be struggling to portray some caring between the
participants, but in my opinion failed because of the complete emphasis on the
mechanics of the sex acts.

The biggest problems with the story were a lack of direction, no plot and no
characterisations. Not a ringing endorsement, I'm afraid. I'd recommend that
the author, if he does write any further stories, get a good proofreader and
at least clean up the English. And perhaps tell a story more than simply
describe some sex acts.

If one long mechanical sex scene is your cup of tea, then you might want to
try this one ... if not, I'd give it a pass.

Ratings for "OC Transpo":
Athena (technical):     4 (far too many English errors)
Venus (plot and character): 2 (no plot, and very little
characterisation)
Crimson (appeal):      2 (but I'm not a big 'stroke' fan)

"Accidental Poser" by Secal (secal@aol.com ). Guest review by Jubjub. 
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=385759762 
---
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/14812.txt 

{Celestial note: I am aware of another version of this story with the author
listed as "Worm".  That link is http://x13.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=360726614
. If you can clarify the authorship of this story, I'd like to hear from you.}

Story Summary: Woman poses nude for a stranger

This is a nicely written bit of fantasy. Nothing deep. Wife goes away
someplace for an hour or so. Young woman comes around selling magazine
subscriptions and trades subscriptions for dirty pictures in the bedroom. And
yes, a little bit of sex--especially when the wife walks in naked. As I said:
A nice little piece of fluff.

There were some minor technical problems. A cluster of misspellings, the
occasional garbled sentence, and a couple of conversations without a paragraph
break. However, the piece has a pleasant style and is generally well written.

You can't really complain about character in a throw-away story like this, but
the girl didn't strike me as consistently written. The plot itself never
really builds to any climax (although there is a physical one toward the end).
The wife's reentry into the story slowed the momentum that was building. This
isn't a long piece, and I found it quite enjoyable. A recommended read.

Ratings of "Accidental Poser"
Technical: 9.5 Peppered with minor errors. Plain style
Characterization and Plot: 8 Poser seemed unrealistic
Appeal: 8.5 Nicely written piece of fluff

"Users and Losers" By David 2 (davidm2@mindspring.com). Guest review by
BitBard (review@bitbard.pair.com) 
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=393263560 
---
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/15505.txt 

It seems like everyone has a Bradley K. Smith in their lives.  You know the
type: people who get whatever they want and its usually handed to them on a
silver platter.  They get the best jobs, the best money, the best cars, the
trophy wife taking care of the trophy house, and they get it all with such
effortless ease.  Fortunately not everyone has THE Bradley K. Smith in their
lives.  This guy has all of the above but he also keeps a trophy geek as a
friend so he can remind himself of how good Bradley K. Smith is.

And what happens when the trophy geek threatens to show up the ultimate user?

Well let's just say Bradley K. Smith has very few scruples.

So how is this a sex story?  Well Bradley K. Smith isn't completely perfect.
Seems he's shooting blanks and family and friends want a little miniature
Bradley K. Smith clone, so his trophy wife is shamed into visiting a _gasp_
sperm bank!  Our intrepid geek sees her and they have a nice little chat and
if you haven't figured out where this is going by now, you're not old enough
to be reading sex stories!

A word of warning:  this story has what I can only describe as a consensual
rape scene in it that, while relatively tame by ASS non-consensual standards,
may be too much for some readers.  

I found this story to be a very easy read from start to finish though I did
pull back at the "rape" scene.  I was rewarded by persevering to find no
further such problems.   The subsequent sex was very consensual, positive and
well described. 

With the "consensual rape" warning in mind, I'd say this is a story that's
worth your time and attention.  There's a lot of feeling and emotion in this
story, some are obvious threads meant to be picked up and traveled, and some
less obvious but perhaps more enlightening. 

Ratings for "Users and Losers"
Pandora (Story Codes): MF, pregnancy, mild non-consensual.
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
BitBard (appeal to reviewer): 9

* "Tease" by Hawk Richards (hawkrds@aol.com). Guest review by The Bear
(thebear@io.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=392685247 

The time has come for The Wease1 to come scampering out of the closet, or
slinking out of the closet, or turning cartwheels out of the closet, or
whatever the heck Wease1s do -- and to reveal himself as none other than The
Bear (aka The New Bear or TheBear@io.com). Those that understood the joke are
probably tired of it, and those that didn't understand didn't miss much.

"Tease," by Hawk Richards, is a good story. It begins with a man and woman on
a date at a nice restaurant. The male narrator describes the woman's exquisite
features in appreciative detail while they flirt over dinner, and then he
takes her home and she invites him in for coffee. Sexual activity ensues,
including an arousingly written session of cunnilingus. I'm not going to say
anything further about the plot, except that the teasing you expect may not be
the teasing that you find.

This story gets a 10 on technical quality, meaning not that it was perfect
technically but that it was at least as well written as the last thing *I*
posted <g> and that minor errors didn't detract at all from the story. I had a
harder time with the plot and character rating - the story doesn't have a
great deal of plot or character development, but then it is a fairly short and
straightforward story and didn't need much. I say it has the right amount of
plot and character for the story it tells, and that gets it a 10. I had an
even more difficult time with the subjective appeal to reviewer rating. The
story as a whole didn't really push any buttons for me, but then there were
those nice descriptions of the girl and those hot paragraphs of oral sex ... I
finally decided that was worth a 10.

Ratings for "Tease"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot and character): 10
Bear (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Nextdoor" by Friar Dave (friar.dave@teamhbbs.com). 
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=330289528 

The single father comes home from work early and discovers his only child Jan,
who is 12-years-old, in the shower with Marty, the much older physical fitness
instructor who lives next door. Eavesdropping briefly, the father concludes
that the activities in the shower include anal intercourse. Since he doesn't
want to traumatize his child, the father decides to wait until they're
finished and confront them.

As I read this story, I grew suspicious. Friar Dave is a good, creative
author, and this story bordered on the banal. I began to consider the
possibility that maybe there was a punch line - maybe things weren't what they
seemed to be.  Maybe the father had jumped to the wrong conclusion and taken
me with him- maybe the child and friend were just giving the dog a bath or
something. So I tried to read the story with possible innocent meanings in
mind.

I was right. Things weren't what I thought they were. But I still missed the
surprise ending. Maybe you'll have better luck. It was an enjoyable story.

Ratings for "Nextdoor"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Zipless Fuck" by Doug (address unknown). {Note: Someone who is apparently a
clueless fuck has reposted this story. It took real brains and patience to
remove Doug's name and disclaimer.}
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=378068113 

A zipless fuck occurs when the fucker doesn't know the fuckee, there is no
meaningless chatter, and there is no playing games. The two people see each
other, they are attracted to each other, and they fuck each other. In the
quintessential zipless fuck the participants don't even speak to each other.
They may never even see one another again, but it doesn't matter, because they
both got what they wanted. A zipless fuck is extremely romantic in an
unromantic sort of way.

This is a story of a zipless fuck. Having defined it, what else can I say?
It's pretty hot stuff.

I myself have never done a zipless fuck. However, I have been a participant in
numerous ultra-zipless fucks. A UZF is everything that a ZF is, with the
addition that not only do we UZFers not know each other or talk about it, we
don't even actually do it. For that matter, my partner often doesn't even know
I am having a UZF with him/her/them. I just plan it and work out the details
in my perverted little mind. Think about it! Gotcha! You may have just been
the victim of a UZF!

Ratings for "Zipless Fuck"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

<end>


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