Celestial Reviews 186 - May 31, 1997

Note:  I apologize for not being able to read all the stories people 
would like me to review.  I know sometimes my decisions regarding what 
to review seem irrational or unfair; but please remember that I am doing 
this as a free service and have a right to exercise a certain amount of 
freedom in my selection.  I'll keep on trying to review all the stories 
I can.  If I seem to have forgotten your story, it's OK to send me a 
note to try to jar my memory.

Second Note: The Blow Job Principle: We are in danger of losing some of 
our best authors.  I am aware of at least two people who say they are 
ready to throw in the towel simply because they get so little feedback 
from readers.  If you rarely or never respond to authors, then THIS IS 
YOUR FAULT!

What in the world do you think keeps an author going?  You can call it 
ego or whatever you want to call it.  I call it the Blow Job Principle.  
Simply stated, if a person expects to get a second blow job, the 
recipient should make the giver glad to have performed the first.  
Applied to these stories, if you like a story, take the trouble to say 
so.

Some writers on this newsgroup are incoherent and don't intend to 
improve.  If they give up and go away, that's fine with me.  But there 
are good writers who have already abandoned this newsgroup and others 
who will do so, because there's nothing in it for them.

I'm not suggesting that you kiss up to the authors.  But if you enjoy a 
story that you obtained for free, why not take two minutes to give the 
author some feedback?  I don't think most authors want idle flattery; 
but they write stories with the hope that they are getting a reaction - 
for example, they may want to make people happy.  They'll never know 
they have succeeded unless somebody tells them so.

Third Note:  Remember the Third Annual Celestial Writing Contest.  
{Several people have pointed out to me that this is actually my Fourth - 
not Third -Contest.  No one has yet pointed out to me that I have only 
been writing these reviews for about two years; so how can I have had so 
many ANNUAL contests?}  The rules are that the story must in some way be 
about sex and must be restricted to 500 words or less.  In addition, the 
story should include some sort of unusual twist. If you wish, you can 
submit several super-short stories together (as Vickie Tern has now done 
on two occasions), or you can post them separately under separate 
titles.  However, I'll give first prize to the best STORY, not to the 
best collection.  The deadline for submissions will be June 3, which my 
calendar tells me is the date on which the Catholic Church will 
celebrate the feast of St. Charles Lwanga and his companions. 

I have received a large number of stories for this contest.  I am now 
making a request that people who have submitted stories check the list 
below to make sure I have their entries correctly listed. Sometimes 
stories have not been labeled clearly, and sometimes I just plain get 
confused.  Note that in order for a story to be considered a contest 
entry, the author him/herself must submit it and state that it is for 
the contest.  An example of an unacceptable entry would be a repost of 
one of Deirdre's short stories without her permission or a story that 
appears on a.s.s. or a.s.s.m. that happens to be under the size limit.  
For example, an author recently posted a humorous anecdote that would 
have fallen within the word limit but was not labeled as an entry for 
the contest.  If an author wants to be in this contest, he/she has to 
tell me so.  In order to avoid mistakes, I am listing here (in general 
alphabetical order) all the stories that I THINK have been submitted for 
this contest.

"Am I Only Dreaming?" by Paddy Toute
"B----'s Lover" by Eli-the-Bearded
"Bees" by Mat Twassel 
"Civility" by Mark Aster
"Foodie" by Plainman
"The Game" by Michael Ellis
"The Harpooner" by MrSpraycan
"The Houseguest" by DG
"If." by Mary's Brother 
"Listening to the Neighbors" by Renae Nicks
"The Phone Call" by Gregarious
"Poe" by Seurat
"Ships that Parse in the Night" by John Thomas
"What Choice? by Mal

Three entries (I think) by Mike Hunt
Five stories by Tom Bombadil
"Teasers" by Vickie Tern (several eligible entries)
"Twist" by Seurat (several eligible entries)

Stephanie {The winner of my first two "annual" contests} has promised me 
an entry but has not yet submitted it.

These authors can ignore this advice if they wish, but I would suggest 
that Vickie Tern and Seurat may wish to add titles to their stories.  At 
present, I believe these stories are simply labeled as i, ii, etc.  That 
format will make it difficult for readers to comment; and I may find it 
difficult to give a prize to a story entitled xii.  Just a thought.

If stories should be added to or deleted from this list, please contact 
me.  After the deadline I'll post a list of all the entries, and the 
authors should repost their stories.  Readers who wish to do so will be 
encouraged to send the input to me or to comment through a.s.s.d.  I'll 
allow myself to be influenced by this discussion, but the final decision 
will be mine.

Fourth Note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my 
reviews for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.

- Celeste

      "Sense 15 - Now that's what I call Cybersex!!" by Thomas Morris
             (cybersex) 10, 10, 9
      "Some Things Just Happen" by Mike Hunt (romantic one-nighter)
            10, 10, 10
      "Losing It On Holiday" by Paddy Toute (first time) 10, 10, 10
      "The Patient English" by MrSpraycan (incremental D&s) 10, 10, 9
      "Head of the Class" by Jack Kendall (sitcom parody) 8, 8, 8
      "Gone With the Wind" by Hadley V. Baxendale (novel parody)
            9, 9, 9
      "Daisy" by John Thomas (humor) 10, 8, 9
      "Math Class Daydream" Joe Blow (adolescent fantasy) 10, 9, 9
      "Lucid Dreamer" by Delta (romantic dream control) 10, 10, 10
    * "The Fortieth Floor" by Asshmuck (utopian sex) 10, 10, 10
    * "Awakenings" by Annette (virgin to slut transition) 
            10, 10, 10
    * "First Love" by Unknown Author (emerging adolescence) 
            6, 9, 7

* = Repost of a previous review (because the story has 
      recently been reposted)

"Sense 15 - Now that's what I call Cybersex!!" by Thomas Morris 
(Thomas@leesti.demon.co.uk).  A mist comes out of the man's computer, 
and it forms into a beautiful woman.  She's one of the gods of the 
Internet - those mysterious beings that make all those enigmatic things 
that nobody can understand happen over modems on our computers.  It 
seems that she needs a break: she has been reading the man's e-mails and 
submissions to newsgroups, and she has decided that he would be a good 
person with whom to share that break.  As you might expect, her fetishes 
match his, and a good time is had by all.

Ratings "Sense 15"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Some Things Just Happen" by Mike Hunt (M1KE HUNT@aol.com).  After a 
voyeuristic introduction, the author plunges us into a story about a man 
and a woman who meet on a park bench in the Boston area and are forced 
by a sudden rainstorm to take refuge in his nearby condominium, where 
they make tender love.  The combination of naturalness and humor in the 
author's delivery and dialogue is wonderful.  This is a beautiful story, 
and I won't ruin it by trying to summarize it any further.

Ratings "Some Things Just Happen"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Losing It On Holiday" by Paddy Toute (Paddy22@aol.com).  The 17-year-
old guy has been the beneficiary of a very strict upbringing - 
puritanical, we might say.  He is on what we Yanks call a vacation with 
his parents, when he seizes an opportunity to acquire that most valuable 
commodity of all - a porn magazine.  Good news - he finds a store with 
magazines, successfully purchases one without incurring the opprobrium 
of the man behind the counter, takes it to his room, and begins to jerk 
off {er, wank - he's British} in the presence of the magnificent tits 
and pussies he finds in the journal.  Bad news - the maid comes to clean 
the room and catches him in the Act.  Good news - the maid joins in the 
fun.  More good news - the maid joins in the fun a second time.  Then 
she goes away and never sees him again for his entire life.  Imagine 
that.

This is a good story.  In real life, things like this don't happen all 
that often.  For one thing, how often does the maid who comes upon the 
wanker both (a) speak the same language and (b) want to have sex for 
free?  In addition, it seems likely that even a British adolescent would 
have the sense to use the privacy lock to eliminate intruders. 
Nevertheless, this is an excellent description of a typical adolescent 
fantasy.

Ratings "Losing It On Holiday"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"The Patient English" by MrSpraycan (mrspraycan.an@edtec.com).  The 
woman and her boyfriend both work for Neue Salzbergische Credietanstalt 
und Handelsbank fuer Ostlandischeverfahrenstecnik & Co. That's a bank, 
of course.  He's an Englishman who is married, but to a dull 
Englishwoman.  She's a German.  She teaches him to be submissive.  He 
likes it a lot.  Eventually she even has him looking forward to a 
torture chamber in a dungeon; but the bank directors, who are humorless, 
asexual drones interested in nothing but banking, catch them in foreplay 
on company property and can them both.

People who automatically like D&s will love this story.  I don't fal in 
that category, but I still liked the story.  After a point, I couldn't 
understand why a sane person would put up with this kind of treatment, 
but then I concluded that maybe male British bankers are just that way 
around female German bankers.  It wouldn't surprise me at all.

Ratings "The Patient English"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Head of the Class" by Jack Kendall (jkendall@popmail.ucsd.edu).  "Head 
of the Class" was a sitcom about Charlie Moore, a teacher for a class of 
gifted students in an American high school.  Charlie was really an 
adolescent at heart, but also an astute, inquisitive thinker who knew 
how to motivate students and make them want to learn.  None of that is 
evident in this story; but instead we learn that he also has a sexual 
side.  He has been boinking the Vice-Principal, Ms. Meara, but his eye 
has been wandering to the more nubile students who seem to be infatuated 
with him.

A good parody imitates the pattern of the original show.  This one does 
not accomplish that effectively.  We start with a view of what Charlie 
is thinking about; then we suddenly find ourselves watching Alex being 
punished by Ms. Meara for wanking {er, jerking off - he's American} in 
the library.  Of course, she has Alex verbally recreate the situation; 
and when he gets excited, she helps him out.  Next we are treated to a 
segment with a guy blackmailing a girl into having sex with him by 
threatening to expose her fantasies about wanting to rim another girl.  
And so it goes.  There's plenty of fairly hot sex; and even though the 
story does not effectively parody the original show, it does have the 
advantage of letting readers who are familiar with the show imagine 
those TV characters doing all these kinky things to one another.

Ratings "Head of the Class"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"Gone With the Wind" by Hadley V. Baxendale (A+ Story).  You'll be happy 
to know that even after the war and even after giving birth to Bonnie 
and even though her twenty-inch waist was slightly larger, Scarlett's 
buttocks and stomach are as firm as they have ever been.  With Rhett out 
of town on business, Scarlett's eyes and thoughts have begun to wander 
back to her beloved Ashley.  Tonight she has decided to sneak into the 
anteroom next to Ashley and Melanie's bedroom at Tara and to watch them 
frolic.  But she makes a noise and Ashley catches Scarlett in her 
voyeurism.  Ashley is pissed {in the American, not British, sense} but 
Melly takes pity.  What with the carpetbaggers and being married to an 
asshole like Rhett - what Scarlett really needs is an opportunity to 
participate in a wholesome threesome.  And so they do.

I first read "Gone with the Wind" when I was a freshman in college.  It 
read the whole book during exam week.  My friends thought I was crazy, 
but I just couldn't put the book down.  Now, over two decades later, I 
discover that all of Scarlett's angst was in vain.  Melanie would have 
been willing to share Ashley, as long as she could watch and 
occasionally join in while he made love to Scarlett.  Things have become 
a lot simpler since the days when Margaret Mitchell wrote her novel.  I 
suspect Simon Legree would likewise make a better impression on this 
newsgroup than he did in "Uncle Tom's Cabin."

To quote some of the great minds of American history: "Why can't we all 
just get along?" "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."

Ratings "Gone With the Wind"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Daisy" by John Thomas (JohnThomas@compusurge.com).  This is a brief 
story about a practical joke played on a pimp.  It's very short, but 
quite enjoyable.  I can't tell you anything about it, because that would 
ruin the story for you.

Ratings "Daisy"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Math Class Daydream" Joe Blow (Joe@aol.com).  The guy has been pining 
away for the classmate who doesn't even know he exists.  One day at the 
end of class she drops a note off on his desk, asking him to join her in 
a hotel room after school.  Is this a daydream, or what?  Read the story 
and find out.

I have not seen other stories by this author.  This was a good one.  I 
hope he writes more.

Ratings "Math Class Daydream"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Lucid Dreamer" by Delta (delta@bc.sympatico.ca).  Robert is a guy with 
a physical disability, and his limp has impaired his capacity to hit it 
off with interesting women.  Other than that, he is a normal guy who 
likes to hang out with his friends at a bar.  He also has a crush on a 
woman whom he observes from a bus.  And most important (for this story, 
that is), he has been trying to take control of his dreams.  He wants to 
have "lucid dreams"; that is, he wants to become conscious of when he is 
dreaming and deliberately let the dreams go where he wants them to go.  
He has read a book about it, and by darn it should work!  In fact, he 
has his eye on a lady whom he has never met.  All he knows is that she's 
beautiful and wears a wedding ring. But if he ever became lucid in a 
dream, he had plans for that lady.  

But then he meets Trudi, the girl of his dreams - literally.  And then 
the story gets complicated.  I'm not going to try to summarize it.  
Let's just say that it's a nice story that blends romance with the 
paranormal - sort of like the movie "Ghost." If you're at all familiar 
with Delta's other stories, you can easily suspect that this one might 
be good.

A technical note:  Delta is a wonderful writer - Delta's worst stories 
are better than I could ever write myself; and so the following "advice" 
needs to be taken with a grain of salt.  Delta posted this story in 
serial format - one chapter at a time.  I reviewed the first chapter 
(and I am repeating part of that review here) and then I waited until 
the whole thing was finished before I read and reviewed the whole story.  
In a cover letter Delta pointed out that the characters had changed as 
the plot developed - and, indeed, that the basic plot had changed in 
several ways.  If this is the case, then it seems to me that it would 
have been sensible to CHANGE some of the earlier parts in view of these 
alterations; but since the earlier chapters had already "gone to press," 
this was impossible.  

A large number of authors employ this serial format.  I suppose a major 
reason is that they want to get reactions and feedback from readers.  
Some authors get started and then simply quit after one or two chapters; 
but it seems to me that even those who continue may be hurting their 
cause.  Wouldn't it be better to wait until the author him/herself knows 
EXACTLY how the story will end before considering the earlier chapters 
to be finished?  It seems to me that authors limit themselves by locking 
themselves into characterizations or plot elements that either prevent 
development or make development awkward in view of earlier statements 
that could easily be changed if they were not already etched in stone.

Back to the present story - and to my original review!  I have some 
theories of my own about dreams.  First, I have discovered that my own 
dreams aren't all that interesting.  These stories, for example, are 
usually a lot more interesting than my dreams.  I used to think my 
dreams were interesting, and once I decided (like Robert in this story) 
to write down my really good ones.  For this purpose I kept a notepad by 
my bed.  I had a really great dream one night, and I jotted down some 
notes.  Since it was a sexy dream, I cut the notes short and cuddled up 
against my husband's ass, hoping to get back into the dream.  I drifted 
orgasmically back to sleep.  The next morning at breakfast I remembered 
my dream.  Knowing that I could write a best-selling novel based on that 
dream, I rushed back to the bedroom and retrieved the notepad.  The 
notes easily enabled me to recall the entire dream.  It was one of the 
stupidest stories I had ever heard of - even worse than some of the ones 
my sister-in-law has described at the dinner table.  Within a week I 
discovered that MOST of my dreams became inane under close scrutiny.  
The dreams were often really fun to have, but that must have because in 
my sleepy stupor I focused on key details and ignored fairly obvious 
inconsistencies. My dreams simply did not have complete and coherent 
plots; they fell apart under even superficial analysis.  In addition, 
they reeked of plagiarism.  Since the critical examinations were ruining 
my dream-sex-life, I threw the notepad away.

Second, I believe that the psychological "importance" of dreams is 
overrated.  Freud may have been a bright guy, but most dreams are not 
worth "interpreting."  I find that my dreams are just as likely to be 
influenced by what's on television while I sleep, by noises outside my 
window, and by what I read as by "subconscious feelings" that can give 
any meaning to my life.  My dreams are especially likely to be 
influenced by a pair of lips or a tongue on the right part of my anatomy 
during the hour or so before I am scheduled to wake up; but it doesn't 
require psychoanalysis to figure out why this is so.

Third, I have tried something similar to what Robert does in this story.  
I have this personality flaw called a conscience that prohibits me from 
doing some really neat things - like making love to my husband's best 
friend, eating the pussy of one of the women I teach with, and engaging 
in a gangbang with some attractive and athletic people.  I don't object 
to having this conscience rule my life; I honestly believe that bad 
things would happen in real life if I just threw aside my moral code of 
conduct.  But what pisses me off is that this conscience runs not only 
my real life, but also my dream-life.  

A while ago, for example, I was out jogging in the early morning with my 
husband, when we came upon a blue-eyed blond in a really sexy body suit.  
She was lying by the side of a beautiful lake, masturbating.  When she 
noticed us, she moaned, gave a come-hither look that brought my 
husband's cock to attention, and invited us to join her.  Then I found 
myself saying, "No, we shouldn't do this."  My husband replied, "Why 
not?".  My cunt got this really warm feeling, and I said to myself, "I 
think I'm dreaming."  Then I continued, "If this is a dream, I can go 
ahead...."  But then the mere fact that I was thinking that it might be 
a dream caused me to awaken from the dream.  

Fortunately, my husband is great about things like this.  He has given 
me permission to cuddle up to him and bang away whenever I feel the 
urge.  He doesn't even care whether I awaken him or not, and I can 
include anyone I want in my fantasies. Just once I'd like to go ahead 
with the original dream; but the first time I do that, I'm certain I'll 
discover that it wasn't a dream after all.

See what I mean?  The analysis of my dreams can get really boring. Delta 
has now finished this story, and I still haven't resolved my dilemma. 
But I can dream, can't I?

Ratings for "Lucid Dreamer"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "The Fortieth Floor" by Asshmuck (Dillweeder@aol.com).  The Red 
Dragon has posted this as "by Anonymous."  I have it in my files 
as "edited" by Asshmuck.  I originally reviewed this back in CR 
48.

The most significant characteristic of the fortieth floor is that 
the people who "work" there don't actually do anything except have 
sex whenever they want to do so.  What kind of place is this?  Is 
this a government job?  Is this where those AOL consultants go 
when they're not giving advice to confused a.s.s. users?  Is this 
heaven?  You'll have to read the story and find out.  It's a 
creative story; and I might add that my description of this as 
"utopian sex" is not all that far off.

Ratings "The Fortieth Floor"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10


* "Awakenings" by Annette.  The young lady is a naive virgin who 
has just graduated from a Swiss finishing school. Her big turn-on 
is the thought that when a man penetrates her for the first time 
it will be to shoot live ammunition at an unprotected target. She 
gets all churned up at the idea of totally unprotected sex with an 
even chance of being put in the family way. When a rich guy she 
really likes comes on strong to her, she tells him her feelings 
and says she's just not quite ready yet.  Naive?  Well, sort of; 
but she certainly knows how to keep Alan at bay!

She resolves to be a virgin when she marries Alan; but shortly 
before the wedding he gets called away for work for two months 
overseas, and she goes on a cruise.  The cruise ship is a 
veritable stud farm; and she mates with the ships mate. Not to 
worry; he'll use a condom.  Ooops!  To hell with the condom; he'll 
withdraw.  Ooops!  To hell with withdrawal; he has a supply of the 
RU 462 morning after pill.  Ah! Ecstasy (or Ecstasy, as the Brits 
say); ten straight days and nights of ecstasy.  Ooops!  If you've 
never seen an RU 462 pill, I guess it's easy to confuse them with 
Relaxatabs.

The story has minor proofreading errors; but if I managed to 
ignore them, you can probably do so as well.

Here is a lesson from the English teacher that lies hidden inside 
me.  Comedians and newscasters frequently talk about oxymorons.  
They give as examples "military intelligence," "governmental 
efficiency," and "honest lawyer."  It may be funny to refer to 
these as oxymorons, because by doing so the speaker is suggesting 
that the military is inherently unintelligent, the government 
inefficient, and lawyers dishonest.  The problem with those 
examples is that they are better examples of humor than of 
oxymorons.  

This author uses a true oxymoron when the protagonist sees her 
first engorged penis and refers to as "how beautifully ugly!"  
That's a perfect oxymoron.  I once heard the person behind me at a 
wedding ceremony refer to the bride's "utterly ugly beauty" - 
making the point that the extreme artificiality of her makeup was 
not beautiful at all.  There's a famous Latin expression: "festina 
lente" - make haste slowly, or as Yogi Berra put it, "Take your 
time; but hurry up!"   A genuine oxymoron makes a point.  In the 
story, the idea is that the male sex organ fully engorged with 
blood is really pretty grotesque if you look at it objectively; 
but if you look at it from the potential pleasure it can give, 
it's beautiful.  This is such a great example; I want so much to 
use it as an illustration for my students, but I guess I had 
better not.  American middle class manners; now there's an 
oxymoron for you!

Even aside from the oxymoron, the sexual scenes were delightfully 
graphic.  I strongly recommend this story. 

Ratings for "Awakenings"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "First Love" by Unknown Author (gval7904@flash.net).  Stories by 
teenage authors can be interesting.  When they write about "young love," 
teenage authors have the advantage of being "young" and perhaps in love.  
On the other hand, the often lack perspective and the ability to express 
themselves really well.  Sometimes this simplicity of expression 
enhances the story, sometimes it doesn't.

Of course, we all know that the disclaimers at the beginning of nearly 
all the stories on this newsgroup prohibit teenagers from even reading 
these stories, and I presume that prohibition is strictly enforced.  
Therefore, I'll assume that this story is written by an adult who wants 
to give the impression that it is written by a teenager. Got that?

Aside from stylistic problems, this is a simple retelling of a story 
that has happened and has been told thousands of times.  The 15-year-old 
boy and the 14-year-old girl are in love and make love for the first 
time while she is baby-sitting.  The story is realistic and sexy.  The 
kids do not use any protection.  She assumes that since he loves her 
that he won't give her any form of STD and they naively don't give any 
thought to pregnancy.  In the real world the word for this is stupid, 
but I presume we are operating here in the fantasy world where pregnancy 
and AIDS don't exist.  However, even if we put this story in the real 
world, this really is the way young teenagers often think and act with 
regard to sexual behavior.

When I was 14, my mother told me I was too young to have sex.  When I 
asked when I could make love to someone, she said after college, when I 
got married.  It sounded like a long time.  I stayed busy with sports 
and studies and cheerleading.  I learned to kiss, to neck, to 
masturbate, and to fantasize.

Aside from religious principles, the main reason NOT to do what the two 
kids do in this story is because it will be hard to stop.  What in the 
world are these two kids going to do for an encore?  They believe that 
they will be in love forever.  Kids often really do express that belief, 
but this is not very probable - or even desirable.  I know lots of my 
young friends who started sex very young, and the simple fact is that 
they just aren't (on the average) as happy now as are my friends who 
waited until they were older.  There are exceptions, of course; but they 
ALL assumed they would be the exception.

Anyway, this story does a good job of presenting teen sex from a teen 
perspective.  I thought it was simultaneously beautiful, sexy, and sad.

By the way, this is not the same story as the one with the same title 
(also by an Unknown Author) that received my award for Top Story of 
1996.  That story was much longer and more thoroughly developed than 
this one.

Ratings for "First Love"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
