Celestial Reviews 47 - Dec 20, 1995

Note:  I am going to take a vacation from writing my reviews during the 
holiday season.  I'll post on December 23, but the next issue will be 
on January 3.  In between those dates I'll post no new reviews, but I 
will post my list of TOP 100 STORIES OF 1995.  I'll also repost reviews 
of all those stories.

Second Note: The proofreading service is in full operation.  IF YOU 
WANT FREE HELP AND FEEDBACK BEFORE POSTING A STORY, contact me, and 
I'll match you up with one of the reviewers.  Remember: you're not 
admitting to being a "bad writer" by asking for a proofreader.  
Everyone can benefit from having someone to help with their work.  For 
that matter, if anyone wants to look over Celestial Reviews before I 
post them, I would appreciate the help - but I would need a really fast 
turnaround time.  If others are interested in offering their services 
as proofreaders, please contact me.

- Celeste

      "Fashion" by Deirdre (romance & infidelity) 10
      "Motel" by Deirdre (infidelity) 8
      "Movie" by Deirdre (spouse watching, anal sex, etc.) 9
      "Neighbor" by Deirdre (bondage & spanking) 7
      "Marcia's Predicament" by Walter Fortner (bondage &
            humor) 10
      "Friends and Lovers" by Tokugawa (romance) 9
      "Unwrap Party" by Jordan Shelbourne (jealousy &
            romance) 10
      "Doorjam" by PleaseCain (prostitution) 10
      "Night of the Wolves" by Lysander (beastiality) 10
     *"Arresting Officer" by Ann Douglas (police & sex) 10
     *"Violet Rose" by Ann Douglas (hot ff sex) 10
     *"Jill's Story" by Ann Douglas (celebrity sex) 10
     *"Gee Spot Run" by Sue (applied sex education) 10
     *"Fun with Dick and Jane" by Sue (orgy) 10

* =  Repost of a previous review (because the story has recently 
       been reposted.

"Fashion" by Deirdre.  A man is introduced to a fashion model by a 
relatively plain woman.  He marries the model but then has an affair 
with the woman who introduced them.  The sex with the plain woman is 
even more exciting than that with the exotic model.  

This is a completely different type of story than I am used to seeing 
from Deirdre.  There is no hint of mind control, and the story scores 
low on the kinkiness scale.  It's really a good, interesting story of a 
romance.  An excellent story!  (Rating: 10)

"Motel" by Deirdre.  Three couples have gotten together at a motel.  
Some of them want to continue talking, but one man is tired; and so he 
goes to one of the other rooms to go to bed.  Now what perverse things 
will Deirdre do with this setup?  Actually, nothing really perverse - 
just suggestive.  (Rating: 8)

"Movie" by Deirdre.  It's easy to tell that this is a Deirdre story.  
It's entitled "Movie," and there's no movie in it - the two women start 
to go to a movie but decide not to. What actually happens is that one 
of the two people who are not going to the movie asks the other one if 
she would like to have sex with her.  The second woman says that's not 
a turn-on for her; but maybe she would compromise if the first woman 
would do her a favor.  More evidence of Deirdre.  Then we find out that 
the favor involves anal sex with the second woman's husband.  
Definitely Deirdre.  Finally, we find whips, multiple couples, and 
deception.  No question: Deirdre.  (Rating: 9)

"Neighbor" by Deirdre.  Instead of "Neighbor" this story should be 
entitled "Well," because about half the paragraphs begin with that 
word.  Actually, Deirdre often alters her style; and this is one of her 
weaker styles.  The story focuses on a man and woman who quarrel and 
ask a neighbor to adjudicate.  She agrees, provided the couple will 
agree to accept her punishment.  If you ever find yourself in a Deirdre 
story, never NEVER accept this condition.  The woman decrees that both 
of them have been acting like babies (which is true) and that they both 
deserve a good spanking.  As you can imagine, it is only a short step 
to sex slavery.

I've read a lot of these spanking stories, and I still don't understand 
them.  As I see it, spanking - even when it is severe and inflicts 
serious pain - is supposed to have a mystical, magical power that turns 
the recipient on sexually.  And if the person doing the spanking is 
minimally clever, the recipient will become that person's permanent sex 
slave.  This just defies logic to me.  The person doing the spanking 
(in this case, the neighbor) is a Benefactor - for the good of the 
others she forgoes spankings herself and and instead beats the shit out 
of other people so that they can be happy.

Did Abe Lincoln do a serious disservice when he freed the slaves?  
History tells us that chattel slaves in America were sort of upset 
about their condition.  Shouldn't they have been thankful for the 
orgasms they were undoubtedly getting from the beatings they received?

The crux of the matter is this.  If somebody brutally beat my naked ass 
with a whip and if I would have a choice of either giving that person a 
resounding orgasm in return or blowing his brains out with a shotgun, I 
would choose the latter.  I think most women would - OK, so we might 
call the cops instead; but we'd expect the asshole to be punished, not 
rewarded.  Yet in all these stories the recipient of the beating 
chooses the former course of action.

On a lighter note, an important question that I have is this: Should I 
be getting an orgasm whenever I read a Henry James novel or short 
story?  To me they are as painful as a severe beating; but I usually 
get either drowsy or frustrated when I try to read one of his stories.

I don't think Deirdre is recommending that we all find ourselves a 
similar Benefactor.  I think she has written a relatively good bondage 
and spanking story.  (Rating: 7)

"Marcia's Predicament" by Walter Fortner (CCWALT@amber.indstate.edu). 
"A lady came up to the farmer's house and said, 'I've just run over 
your cat and I'd like to replace it.'  The farmer scratched his chin, 
looked at her for a moment, and said, 'Very well, how good are you at 
catching mice?'"  This story begins with that old joke.  As I began to 
read the story, I quickly forgot about the joke.  Soon I found myself 
becoming really ambivalent about the story.  It was clearly written, 
and the author seemed to be building up to a bondage sequence in a 
fairly interesting manner. However, I couldn't help noticing that the 
story was almost over, and it seemed that there was not enough time 
left for any good sex.  Then suddenly the story was over, and I was 
laughing out loud.  The author had fooled me completely, and I really 
like that feeling.  When I thought about it in retrospect, everything 
in the story made perfect sense - but only after I had read the very 
last line in the story.  (Rating: 10)

"Friends and Lovers" by Tokugawa (tokugawa@aol.com).  The man and woman 
have been going together for quite a while; but the coming Sunday is 
the first time he will have dinner with her family.  Meanwhile, he is 
also preparing to take an important academic examination. STRESS!  They 
start quarreling over silly things; but they quickly make up and fuck 
their brains out in every way imaginable for the next couple of days.  
The visit with the family goes VERY well.  Even though they have to 
sleep in separate rooms, she gives him a hand job under the tablecloth 
at the dinner table.

The sex is simultaneously hot and peacefully romantic.  I like that.  
What I didn't like was the excessive focus on details of merely 
peripheral significance - like washing the dishes and describing 
exactly what they were cooking.  I like the idea of presenting sex and 
passion in a normal context.  This story has sex and passion and a 
normal context; but somehow the timing or the blend is just a little 
out of kilter.

Since a lot of writers have this problem, let me briefly discuss the concept 
of focus.  Some interesting things have happened to me in the past day or so; 
but in my review of this story I would normally not mention them at all.  If I 
mentioned the fact that my husband had a skin irritation in an embarrassing 
place but that he got over it while I was having my period and while I was 
kind of down on sex anyway, that would be realistic (and perhaps even 
interesting), but of no importance to this review - except that now I am 
bringing it up as an example of irrelevance, which suddenly makes it 
paradoxically relevant.

Tokugawa is an excellent writer; but I personally believe that he/she could 
improve this particular story by eliminating some of the extraneous details - 
or by making them more clearly related to something in the story.  In 
education, we refer to these as "seductive details."  You know the sort of 
thing - the teacher or preacher who tells good stories that get us interested 
in the stories themselves rather than the content she is teaching.  For 
example, a history teacher who interrupts a presentation about the American 
Revolution to tell a funny Newt Gingrich joke might actually detract from that 
presentation (by focusing attention away from the American Revolution).  On 
the other hand, telling the same joke during a presentation on populism might 
improve the presentation (by using what is familiar - Newt Gingrich - to 
clarify what is unfamiliar - American populism).  {Note to non-American 
readers: Newt Gingrich is an obscure American politician who is Speaker of the 
House and Time Magazine's Man of the Year.  American populism is too complex 
to discuss here.}

If Tokugawa were an anthropologist trying to give us a full account of what 
these two hormonal maniacs were doing, then these details would NEED to be 
mentioned.  However, if he/she is trying to tell a story, then it is best to 
include only those details that elucidate the story, and it is especially 
important to avoid those that distract the reader by building up expectations 
that will not be fulfilled.  This is hard to do.  Note that it's possible that 
Tokugawa did succeed and that *I* failed by reading poorly - perhaps because I 
was distracted or in a bad mindset from a previous story or something like 
that.  Somebody else (such as yourself) might find that this story has exactly 
the right blend of details.

I want to stress that Tokugawa should be COMMENDED for trying to blend the 
normal with the sexy.  Others may disagree with me, but I simply believe the 
blend is not quite right in this story.  I had the distinct impression that 
this story contained ideas that the perhaps planned to develop but did not; 
and ideas like these should be omitted.  That's all.  This is still a very 
good story.  (Rating: 9)

"Unwrap Party" by Jordan Shelbourne (johnmc@mks.com).  Sarah is jealous 
because Richard is flirting with Crista at the party; and so she takes 
up with Ben in order to make Richard reciprocally jealous.  The author 
does an excellent job of examining the feelings of Ben and Sarah 
without being the least bit boring. As the story evolves, it becomes 
obvious that Sarah's and Ben's affection for each other is genuine and 
also that Sarah has a major problem with feelings of inadequacy.  She 
is preoccupied with having an orgasm, and these very thoughts interfere 
with her big bang.

This is an outstanding story. The author has a way of describing 
extremely hot sex so that the reader can almost feel it happening, and 
he shows a real understanding of emotions.  I am definitely going to 
watch for more stories by this author.  (Rating: 10)

"Doorjam" by PleaseCain (pleasecain@aol.com).  This story about a man 
picking up a prostitute held my rapt attention from the moment I 
started until I had read the last line.  It's not romantic; it's not 
exactly a turn-on; but it certainly is a good sex story.  (Rating: 10)

"Night of the Wolves" by Lysander (lysander@vnet.net). "You'll be fine, 
Judith.  As long as you let your instincts guide you."  The band of 
women have been engaged in an orgy of dancing and sex with one another; 
but all this is simply a preparation for the arrival of the wolves.  
The monthly ritual consists of the women fucking with the wolves from 
the time of the animals' arrival until the moon goes down.

I have never been an enthusiast of bestiality stories, but this one was 
interesting - to say the least.  Before I read this story I knew, of 
course, that Romulus and Remus (and probably Wolfman Jack) had been 
raised by wolves, and I had read "Call of the Wild," but my knowledge 
of wolves as potential sexual partners was limited.  Now I am much 
better informed.

The story is well written.  The author says this is his most popular 
story.  However, I don't think it is his best; I think "Summer Dreams," 
"Grey," and the unfinished "Droit du Signeur" are all better.  
Nevertheless, this is an excellent story.   While reading it, I found 
myself mumbling internally, "This is silly! Why would a wolf act like 
that?"  This is exactly what the author wanted me to think.  By the end 
of the story everything had fallen into place.  (Rating: 10)

*"Arresting Officer" by Ann Douglas (an309642@anon.penet.fi).  When I 
started this story about police officers busting a bunch of 
prostitutes, I thought I knew exactly where it was going; but the story 
surprised me.  If I tell you too much about this story, I'll run the 
risk of ruining it for you.  All I'll say here is that it's well 
written and creative.

*"Violet Rose" by Ann Douglas.  What Ann Douglas does especially well 
is set a mood and build anticipation.  I have never made love to a 
woman in real life, and I don't intend to do so; but I *know* this is a 
realistic description of how it would be.  I can almost *remember* this 
happening to me!  The story takes a while to get started (but it builds 
anticipation while doing so), but then the sex is really hot.  An 
excellent story.

*"Home Improvement : Jill's Story" by Ann Douglas 
(an309642@anon.penet.fi). Have you ever noticed that winsome lass named 
Heidi who appears as the assistant on the the Tool Time shows on Home 
Improvement?  I'll bet you thought she was longing to get it on with 
Tim or Al or Wilson or maybe one of the kids.  Wrong!!  In this story, 
she has passionate sex with Jill.  As I've said before, I enjoy good 
celebrity sex stories, because they permit me to imagine real people 
behind the activities - even though those real people are fictional 
people.  This story doesn't need a lengthy review.  If you'd like to 
read about Heidi and Jill making tender love to one another, take a 
look at this story.  

After I first posted this review, I received a letter of reprimand from 
a person who was a much more avid fan of the show than I am.  While 
admitting that the sex was good in this story, he vehemently argued 
that Jill did not correspond at all to the television character.  Read 
it, and you be the judge.  (Rating: 10)

*"Gee Spot Run" by Sue (SueNH@AOL.com).  When Sue meets a casual friend 
and gets into a deep conversation, she discovers that the woman is 
sexually repressed.  To help out, she discloses the fact that she is an 
author of highly regarded sex stories and offers to let her friend read 
some of them. Sue goes off to take a shower and leaves her friend 
reading "Craftsmanship," which readers of these reviews will recognize 
as one of the stories I often cite as an example of hot, well-written 
erotica.  Well, I was right in rating that story a 10; because when Sue 
returns from the shower the woman is in the throes of masturbation that 
was instigated by reading the story.  The woman is embarrassed, but Sue 
comforts her thus: "Even when I'm writing the stories, I get so turned-
on sometimes that I have to stop typing so that I can reach down and 
rub my cunt for a big orgasm. And when I read other people's stories, I 
usually masturbate. I'm sorry that you feel bad about what you were 
doing, and I'm even more sorry that I interrupted you. So I'm going to 
leave the room again so that you can finish what you started." 

But alas, the woman has a learning disability: she doesn't know how to 
masturbate very well.  She feels that the characters in Sue's stories 
achieve heights of ecstasy that she has never reached.  Like a true 
humanitarian clinician, Sue reluctantly offers further assistance.  The 
two masturbate in each other's presence, and her friend learns by 
observing the genius at work.  The descriptions are hot and vivid.  Not 
only does Sue's friend figure out how to do it right; I also managed to 
eliminate a few bugs from my own system.  (However, there are a few 
things I could teach Sue too.)

This is a really hot story.  At the end, we are left with the 
impression that Sue's friend will probably get over her inhibitions and 
with the promise that we can find out what happened later by reading 
Sue's next story, "Fun with Dick and Jane."  

*"Fun with Dick and Jane" by Sue (SueNH@aol.com) As we left Sue last 
week at the end of "Gee Spot Run," Sue had used her erotic fiction as a 
basis to enrich the fantasy life and masturbation abilities of a 
repressed housewife.  As our story resumes in this sequel, Sue has been 
invited to Jane's house for dinner, where she meets her husband Dick 
and a stuffy friend of theirs named Charles.  When Jane blurts out that 
Sue is a writer of erotica, the men scoff at Sue.  They think she is 
merely a Barbara Cartland type.  Sue rises to the challenge and offers 
to read one of her stories out loud, with the agreement that its 
quality will be measured by Charles's peter meter, which at the time 
was easily hidden beneath the napkin on his lap.

So Sue read from "Louvre Love."  Actually, this was a bad choice, since 
(as we all know) this particular story received a modest rating of 7.5 
in Celestial Reviews, whereas most of Sue's stories are 10's.  I think 
"Here Cums Santa" or "To Serve and Protect" would have been better 
choices.  Perhaps Sue made this choice deliberately, to avoid straining 
Charles's gauge, which probably wasn't capable of registering a 10.  To 
make a long story short, the story works; but alas, Dick dislikes 
perversion and refers to Sue as a cunning temptress.  (Had I been 
there, of course, he would have referred to me as a cunning linguist.  
But I think either epithet would fit Sue accurately.)  Jane defends her 
friend's reputation, and soon tendrils of pleasure are racing around 
Sue's body while Charles begins to fuck her and Jane observes 
unobtrusively.

Enough!  You'll have to read the story yourself to find out who comes 
how often and where and whether Dick finally overcomes his inhibitions 
and has fun with Jane.  This is an excellent story, only minimally 
reminiscent of the book of the same title that many of usread when we 
were in the first grade.  

This story (combined with this review) will be especially useful for 
cunning linguists or for students whose teachers require them to look 
up and use a word a day.  I mean, in addition to ribald sex, this story 
is full of tendrils, epithets, and ogling - as well as a vivid 
reference to the Louvre - which, of course, is located near the Champs 
Elysee. 


