Celestial Reviews 169 - April 2, 1997

Note:  EVEN HOMER NODS!  In CR 168, I tried to be clever.  Recalling an 
old saying oft repeated by my maternal grandfather about my father, {"He 
can't think and chew gum at the same time!"}, I misapplied the metaphor.  
I stated in CR 168 that I COULD both perform fellatio and chew gum at 
the same time.  Several people have written to ask whether my husband 
minds when I do this.  {"That's why some women think oral sex is kinda 
sticky!"} I suppose I could try to wiggle my way out of this, but I 
think I'll just admit that I wasn't thinking and I used the wrong 
metaphor.  Just for the record, I haven't chewed gum in years; nothing 
personal - I just don't like the stuff, and I found myself accidentally 
biting my tongue too often.  On the other hand, my husband HAS tried 
menthol cough drops during cunnilingus....

Second Note:  Relevant to the preceding note, here's one of the earliest 
sex jokes I can recall.  A guy and girl were French kissing.  When they 
broke for air, the guy said, "I got your gum!"  "No you didn't," replied 
the girl;  "I cleared my throat."  {That joke kept me away from French 
kissing through a major part of high school!}

Third Note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my stories 
for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.

- Celeste

      "Steel and Iron" by Sarah Fox Jahn (quickie) 10, 9, 9
      "Garden of Contemplation" by Delta (rape and retribution) 
            10, 10, 10
      "Alice's Adventures on Wonderland Avenue" by Maggie the Cat
            (dreamlike sex) 7, 7, 7
      "The Laundromat" by Shadow (laundromat sex) 4, 2, 2
      "The Goodnight Kiss" by Summer's Rose (sleepy sex) 10, 10, 10
      "The Pleasure of Family Hiking" by Sleazy Liz (outdoor orgy)
            9, 10, 10
      "On the Job Benefits" by J Boswell (slutty wife) 10, 9, 9
      "Massage" by Dulcinea (sexy massage) 10, 10, 10
      "Breakfast in Bed" by Dulcinea (sexy reward) 10, 10, 10
      "Vortrek" by Uther Pendragon (sexy memories & romance)
            10, 10, 10
    * "Sondra's Day" by Pete Ferrer (romance) 8, 10, 10

* = Repost of a previous review (because the story has 
      recently been reposted)

"Steel and Iron" by Sarah Fox Jahn (sfj3212@tam2000.tamu.edu).  In 
this "A+ Story" the woman is being fucked quick and hard by the 
man she refers to as her Master.  Her goal is to give him 
pleasure. and she does so very graphically, much to her own 
gratification as well.

Ratings for "Steel and Iron"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Garden of Contemplation" by Delta (delta@bc.sympatico.ca).  The 
narrator has raped a young woman.  Instead of keeping the event 
secret or going to the Law, she turns him over to the Society.  He 
is given a short trial and is sentenced to 90 minutes of mandatory 
Contemplation.  That's all - except that if he fails to meet 
certain conditions or if he makes certain requests additional 
consequences will follow.  Of course, since Contemplation takes 
place in an open, public area and in a kneeling position, some 
support is necessary; and all that is available is a set of 
electronically charged ball bearings that support the buttocks 
through the anal aperture.  You can well imagine....

There have been many stories on a.s.s. that have attempted to give 
intense portrayals of rape.  Some of those stories have been vivid and 
realistic.  I have counseled people who have been raped, and I do NOT 
believe that rape is fun.  However, I understand that it can be 
pleasurable (and perhaps even harmless) for a man to fantasize about 
raping a woman or for a woman to fantasize about the "pleasures" that 
could occur during the act of rape.  

The present story takes a different approach. The portrayal of the 
initial rape is realistic, but not vivid or erotic.  The retribution is 
both realistic and vivid, but not erotic - at least I HOPE you don't get 
turned on by this sort of activity.

It's difficult to tell you more without ruining the story for you.  I 
strongly recommend this story - but not when you are looking for a turn-
on.  Use it as part of your Contemplation time.

Ratings for "Garden of Contemplation"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Alice's Adventures on Wonderland Avenue" by Maggie the Cat 
(ez045395@chip.ucdavis.edu).  Alice bumps into her new neighbor in the 
laundry room.  She doesn't get to meet him, but she discovers that he 
has a mannequin that looks just like Alice.  In addition, the man seems 
to have a proclivity to "borrow" Alice's clothes to dress that 
mannequin.  This presents no real problem; but one day when Alice is 
walking alone, she discovers that she is being stalked.  She sneaks into 
a porn theater to hide, but her pursuer follows her and jerks off in the 
seat behind her while he breathes heavily and Alice gets turned on.  Not 
to worry - Alice has a can of mace, and the man has beautiful hands with 
which he fondles Alice's hair while she comes in a technicolor orgasm, 
before going into a quasi-hypnotic trance, during which the guy leaves 
the theater while the humpsters keep doing their thing on the screen.  
Alice goes home and writes about this in her journal; she says this is 
the strangest thing that has ever happened to her.  But not for long!  
This looks like it could go on forever.

Ratings for "Alice's Adventures on Wonderland Avenue"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7

"The Laundromat" by Shadow (THC repost).  Who says there are no really 
bad stories on this newsgroup? The main value of this story is that it 
makes the previous story look a lot better by comparison.  In this story 
a woman gets fucked in the laundromat by a sexy stranger - maybe.

Ratings for "The Laundromat"
Athena (technical quality): 4
Venus (plot & character): 2
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 2

"The Goodnight Kiss" by Summer's Rose (sumersrose@aol.com).  The 
man is very tired and needs to fall asleep, but his lover is in a 
playful mood.  She tells him to just go ahead and fall asleep 
while she fondles and makes love to him, but he somehow becomes 
aroused and turns the tables on her.  What a nice idea!

Ratings for "The Goodnight Kiss"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"The Pleasure of Family Hiking" by Sleazy Liz.  This story was posted as 
"hotOhike.txt" by someone else as part of a set of stories by Boswell, 
and so I suspect that Sleazy Liz may be a pseudonym for Jay Boswell.  He 
can write to me and repudiate authorship if he wants; but this is a very 
good story, and so he should probably retain credit.

Cheri has been hiking in the mountains of Colorado with her family and 
some other families. The women go for a bath in a stream, and Cheri 
wanders off and wakes up with Regina (one of the sexy moms) eating her 
out.  After this vividly described, multiorgasmic experience, Cheri 
notices that her brother and Regina's daughter have been watching from 
the woods. Poor David is flabbergasted; he had simply intended to walk 
with Bambi in the woods, and suddenly he has been summoned to put the 
final touches to Bambi's horny mother.  A 14-year-old who sports an 8-
incher, David fucks the hell out of Regina, while Cheri and Bambi watch 
and get horny again.  Cheri sees her brother "in a totally different 
light"; and Bambi is generally impressed with the whole situation.  This 
sort of thing could easily get out of hand.

Ratings for "The Pleasure of Family Hiking"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"On the Job Benefits" by J Boswell.  This story was posted as 
"onthej~1.txt."  It's about an insecure woman whose husband boosts her 
confidence.  Once she becomes convinced that she's really sexy, her 
husband encourages her to have sex with other men, as long as she tells 
him about it.  And so she becomes the company slut.  This story 
describes some of her adventures.  I suppose this story derives a lot of 
its impact from the notion that it would be really great for a husband 
to be able to imagine his wife being screwed by other men.  If you don't 
buy that assumption, it's not quite such an enjoyable story.

Ratings for "On the Job Benefits"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"Massage" by Dulcinea (ImDulcinea@aol.com).  The woman has had a hard 
day at work; and when she arrives home, she finds that her husband has 
cooked a wonderful meal for her.  Not only that, but he also gives her a 
wonderful massage - and then she falls asleep!  The poor guy is left 
there with a hard-on!

It's a wonderful feeling to fall asleep while one's pussy is gently 
banging away; but this certainly can leave the partner high and dry.  My 
husband and I have a simple agreement.  If I ever do this, he can go to 
sleep happily himself, because he can rest assured that I'll fuck his 
brains out when I wake him.  The protagonists in this story have a 
similar agreement, which brings us to the next story.
 
Ratings for "Massage"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Breakfast in Bed" by Dulcinea (ImDulcinea@aol.com).  This story is a 
sequel to "The Massage."  Let's just say that the guy no longer feels 
frustrated by the fact that his wife fell happily asleep while he was 
giving her a really sensuous massage the night before.

Ratings for "Breakfast in Bed"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Vortrek" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net).  Bob and Jeanette 
Brennan are moving out of their apartment. It was "Bob and Jeanette" who 
had moved into this apartment; it is"the Brennans" are moving out.  
These two people are really in love.  Sometimes it's nauseating.  I 
sometimes feel the urge to exit one of these Bob and Jeanette stories 
and read a more wholesome, realistic rape and torture story.  But then I 
keep reading, and I am invariably glad I did.

I have friends who tease me about my own marriage.  They are certain 
that I am either simple-minded or lying: nobody can be this happy all 
the time sleeping with the same man.  {Actually, some of them are 
certain that nobody could be this happy sleeping with ANY VARIETY of 
men.}  It would get boring, they say; and sometimes it does.  Some of my 
friends know what hell is really like, because they have been married.  
What's nice about the Bob and Jeanette stories is that they are 
realistically and blissfully happy.  They have their ordinary lives 
where they struggle together with mundane problems, but their genuine 
love for each other is a source of strength, stability, and happiness.  
At times it gets to where their sex life would HAVE to become boring; 
but by God, somehow it gets even better.

I had a friend who was in the perfect marriage.  She got divorced last 
year.  I was disillusioned.  This author has a responsibility to keep 
Bob and Jeanette together.  They're the main source of stability in the 
lives of millions of readers throughout the uncensored world.  Please, 
please - don't let them go the way of Bo and Billie or the other people 
on the soaps.

These people have become my friends.  I was actually excited to hear 
that Jeanette has learned French!  Ooops... I don't want to spoil the 
surprise for you.  They keep t'aiming and t'adoring as they drive across 
the country to their new home in Boston, where Bob will continue his 
education and Jeanette will get a job to continue to make that education 
possible.

The story is a really outstanding blend of current events and past 
memories; and the memories themselves are a wonderful blend of things I 
myself know (from previous stories) and new information from the Early 
Life and Courtship of Bob and Jeanette; and those memories are a 
delightful blend of ideas and events that overlap with my own life and 
things completely new to me.  And the blends are very sexy.

Come to think of it, in some ways Bob is even better than my husband.  
For example, as far as I can see, Bob never farts during really intimate 
moments.  I think Bob may also be better with his hands, although my 
husband still seems to have the edge with regard to his tongue.

I am reminded of my daughter, who makes a similar comment about her 
birthday each and every year - this is the best Bob and Jeanette story 
ever!

Ratings for "Vortrek"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Sondra's Day" by Pete Ferrer (Ferrer@msn.com).  It's her 
birthday, and 29-year-old Sondra feels an emptiness in her life.  
Her husband is asleep in the next room.  Although their son is 
spending the night with grandma, the couple has decided to 
celebrate the birthday on the weekend instead of today.  In 
addition, Sondra feels a mixture of longing and guilt; in spite of 
her continued love for her husband, she has been having an affair 
with a coworker for the past eight months, and she can't help 
thinking about him.  Her husband wakes up, comes into the room, 
and kisses her; and suddenly there's a knock at the door. It's her 
lover; and he and the husband combine to give her the sexual 
evening of her lifetime.  Even though I have told you perhaps too 
much of the plot, I think you'll enjoy the story.  I know I did, 
even though I guessed the ending about a quarter of the way into 
the story.

As an aside, I might note that I think this story achieves the 
egalitarian impact that many "interracial" stories miss.  In this 
story the wife and husband are white and the lover black, but 
racial stereotypes play no role in the story.  They're all three 
good people trying to make one another happy.

This is one of those stories that I would really like to act out 
in real life - but which I really wouldn't want to act out in real 
life.  That last sentence is as contradictory as I can make it, 
and it expresses my feelings exactly.  This is a really, really 
hot fantasy for me; and if I were 100% certain I could act it out 
in real life without doing anybody any harm, I would go for it.  
However, I know that's impossible - the actual activity would 
require fundamental changes in my relationship with my husband and 
would involve someone else in a possibly unfortunate way; and so I 
am simply grateful for this excellent fantasy.  I guess I don't 
know what I'm missing, but I do know and appreciate what I have.  
And a story like this enables me to have a little bit of what I am 
missing.

This is already a good story, but the author prefaced his story 
with a request for feedback.  Here is what I think it needs to 
become a great story:  

(1) Get rid of the long paragraphs.  I myself often write 
excessively long paragraphs in my first drafts.  During the 
revision process I often break a single paragraph down into three 
or four separate paragraphs.  (For example, this list of four 
suggestions was originally a single paragraph.  By breaking it 
into several paragraphs, I have made it easier to digest and less 
intimidating to readers.)  Readers are simply not willing to read 
fifty paragraphs in a row that are each at least thirty lines 
long.  My suggested use of multiple paragraphs may make it 
necessary to use some additional strategy such as asterisks (****) 
or chapters to indicate a break between major ideas.

(2) Before posting the story, go through it one last time and look 
for grammar and punctuation errors.  This story contains numerous 
errors that are just plain unnecessary but still distracting.  It 
would be especially nice to make all the verb tenses logically 
consistent.  

(3) At places the author should consider going a little heavier on 
action and less on introspection.  The reformatting that I 
suggested in (1) will help solve this problem.  Long paragraphs 
are often perceived as more introspective and less action-oriented 
than short ones.

(4) Consider rearranging events to build anticipation or to keep 
the reader from guessing the ending.  I myself easily guessed the 
ending.  The author followed a mostly chronological presentation 
of events.  Maybe some other strategy using flashbacks would work 
better.

Ratings for "Sondra's Day"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

