Celestial Reviews 76 - April 17, 1996

Note:  I am now using a rating system which gives each story three 
discrete ratings.  These are explained in more detail in my FAQ, but 
here is a summary.

Athena Rating.  This rating covers such matters as grammar, spelling, 
formatting, and creative use of the language.  A story with essentially 
no serious grammar, spelling, or usage problems will receive a rating 
of 8.  To get a rating of 9 or 10, the author will have to do something 
creative with the language.  

Venus Rating.  This rating describes such matters as plot and character 
development.  

Celeste Rating.  This rating describes how much I myself liked the 
story.  

Second note:  Because of computer problems, my break was longer than I 
expected.  I'm back in action now.  I appreciate all the expressions of 
concern, but rumors of my virtual demise were greatly exaggerated.

- Celeste

      "The Storm" by Mark Aster (mysterious orgy) 10, 9.5, 9.5
      "Catholic Girls" by Butterfinger (sex in school &
            church) 7, 5, 5
      "Suite 16" by Erato (cybersex) 6, 5, 4
      "Marjorie" by Dirty Dawg (date rape and romance)
            10, 7, 8
      "The New Toy" by Mark Aster (group sex with a
            dildo) 10, 10, 10
      "Do You Want It?" by Mark Aster (voyeurism and sex
            in the outdoors) 10, 10, 10
      "Dandelions" by M M Twassel (sex in the outdoors)
            9, 7, 7

"The Storm" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com).  A sudden storm strikes, 
and the two travelers seek shelter in a nearby house, which they barely 
reach as their car dies in the driveway.  If our travelers were named 
Larry, Curlie, and Moe, we would find a mummy lurking within secluded 
hidden passages in the house.  If one of the travelers were a kindly 
but bemused mystery writer, a murder would be in order.  But here we 
have Julie Allen and her faithful stud of a traveling companion; and so 
we can expect a somewhat different story to evolve.  To make a long 
story punfully short, the travelers are not only invited to come in out 
of the rain but also to cum in out of the rain.

The story raises an interesting question.  It is my understanding that 
Miss Manners of syndicated newspaper fame is a regular reader of my 
column - though not, of course, of the stories reviewed herein.  
Perhaps Miss Manners could answer a question regarding social 
etiquette.  

Imagine that the host and hostess have accompanied their visitors to the 
guestroom, after the hostess  - a lady whose breasts and bodily curves give 
the clear impression of wanton nakedness even though she is fully clad and has 
done nothing more lascivious than give the male guest a passionate kiss while 
her husband and the other guest were chatting casually in the next room - 
imagine that this lovely hostess asks if there's anything at all that she and 
her husband can do for the weary guests.  Then imagine that the female guest 
nervously but hopefully replies, "What I'd really like is for your husband to 
let me take his cock in my mouth and suck him until he's stiff and hard, and 
then for him to fuck me until I scream, and him come inside me."  The question 
for Miss Manners is this: what should the male guest do to make his host and 
hostess feel at ease during the ensuing awkward silence?

The author handles this social dilemma by having the male guest say to the 
hostess, "I'd like you to open your gown and let me bury myself in your sweet 
naked body."  The hostess complies, and everyone has a jolly good time - 
actually, several jolly good times.  It's a good story.  The author displays 
his usual ability to maintain a vivid picture of two couples happily 
copulating while everyone stimulates everyone else.  I think the author wanted 
to create a surrealistic atmosphere that didn't quite make it for me; but 
that's like saying I ordered a chocolate sundae but the waiter brought me a 
great eclair by mistake.

Ratings for "The Storm"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5

"Catholic Girls" by Butterfinger.  Like Phil Donahue, I am a product of 
Catholic schools.  However, I don't have bad memories of Jesuits, nor 
have I ever fucked one.  I wore a uniform 180 days a year for twelve 
years, and I had no idea that this clothing made me irresistible to 
dirty old men who would later read my reviews on this newsgroup.  I was 
a straight kid who later went into church-related volunteer work 
related to my church and found my future husband while I was doing that 
work.

Part of this story is realistic.  I mean, a girl really could get 
thrown out of a Catholic high school for having sex on the alter in the 
chapel while the freshman religion class was coming in for a prayer 
service.  However, not that many kids that I knew engaged in that 
activity in exactly that location - at least not during the school day, 
when it was difficult to get passes.  I guess the main events in this 
story COULD have happened; but they seemed a bit unrealistic to me.  
For example, I never met a Catholic girl named Hallie.  And any kid 
that spent a year in a Catholic school would know enough to use the 
subjunctive in this sentence:  "If I was not having so much fun, and 
Hallie was not in the throes of orgasm, perhaps we would have noticed 
the first period religion class entering the chapel! "

In short, this story does not rank with "Do Patent Leather Shoes Really 
Reflect Up?", which was really a good story about the filthy ideas that 
used to fill the minds of the girls that wore those demure uniforms.  
And yes, when I knelt, the dress or skirt did have to touch the floor.

Ratings for "Catholic Girls"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5

"Suite 16" by Erato (erato00@aol.com ).  This title attracted me.  I 
thought maybe it was a pun on "Sweet 16," and perhaps we would have a 
tender young virgin seduced in a connected series of hotel rooms with 
the number 16 on the door.  Nope.  I actually don't even now understand 
the significance of the title; maybe it has to do with a suite in music 
(like The Grand Canyon Suite) - a prelude followed by an elaborate 
series of carefully orchestrated sexual events.

The story focuses on the first in vivo meeting of two cyberlovers.  {If 
all these meetings turned out as well as they do on a.s.s., more 
marriage counselors would recommend virtual love affairs.}  The story 
is written from the combined perspective of the man and woman, and 
several of the transitions in perspective are handled effectively.  
However, this story was obviously written by two separate authors, and 
there has been little attempt to integrate their efforts other than by 
shoving the parts together.  One of the authors writes a lot better 
than the other; I won't say which, because the resulting jealousy may 
disrupt their virtual sex life.

When two cyberlovers cyberfuck with each other, it's OK - and probably 
even desirable - for them each to have his or her own style.  
Cyberopposites attract, I suppose.  But when they decide to put their 
thoughts together for others to read, one member of the cyberparty 
should coordinate the effort.  For that matter, both can continue to 
give input, but somebody has to make sure the final cyberproduct makes 
coherent sense.  Otherwise the story will degenerate from potentially 
sexy to just plain confusing.

Ratings for "Suite 16"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4

"Marjorie" by Dirty Dawg (drambo@primenet.com).  I really like this author's 
writing style (His "Lynn" was my top story for 1995.), and so I was ecstatic 
when I saw that he had reposted several of his stories this week.  His stories 
are long on romance and short on sex; but a little bit of sex in the right 
context can really be a turn on for me.  In this case we have a woman who has 
been abused by her former boyfriend and who calls on the police officer who 
has loved her from afar and asks him to pull her out of the mess she has 
gotten into.  {Love from afar and the eventual redemption of an initially 
dysfunctional relationship are the main themes.that permeate the Dawg's 
stories.}  The narrative gave me the impression that the author really 
understood police operations.  This story is not as outstanding as some of the 
others by this same author - it reads a little too much like an essay on date 
rape; but it's still a good tale - at least if you are willing to believe 
there are any sexy women in Atlanta named Marjorie.

Ratings for "Marjorie"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"The New Toy" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com)..  This story begins 
with these words: "I didn't know they MADE double-ended strap-on 
vibrating dildos!"  This statement is elicited when Pat and Julie 
receive via UPS an example of this device from Miranda Brannigan, just 
as Sondra Hernandez (a comely police officer) arrives to return a cup 
of Folger's coffee.

One could get almost a full education reading stories like this.  Just 
look at this excerpt: "Naked and completely unselfconscious, Pat and 
Julie stood for a moment looking at each other.  I sat on the couch, my 
penis coming quickly to attention, and my skin prickling.  Sondra 
plopped down beside me, her thin muscular haunch up against my hip."  
This veritable cornucopia of properly placed participial and absolute 
phrases - all correctly used - would make almost any non-dysfunctional 
English teacher come on the spot.  And look at the cultural 
anthropology: Sondra Hernandez fucks almost as well as she sounds.

Wait a minute! I spy a grammatical problem!  "Pat bent down and kissed 
her delicately on the smooth skin of her inner thigh, then again on her 
labia.  She sighed."  It's not really clear who's sighing now - "Who's 
Sighing Now?" - Isn't that the title of a song by Patsy Cline?

The lessons in positional geometry are abundant.  Even theology plays a 
role in this story: ""Oh, God, Pat, oh God just put it IN!"

See if you can find the one sentence in this story that brought to my 
mind my favorite Tom Swifty: "The newlywed was fucking his wife with 
abandon."

This story is a good example of hot sex, but it's also a good example 
of good writing.  I poked fun earlier in this review at the participial 
and absolute phrases, but aspiring writers could benefit from taking a 
good look at how this author uses those parts of speech to make a good 
story even better.  Of course, aspiring writers might also benefit from 
Pat and Julie's lessons on how to handle their new toy.

Ratings for "The New Toy"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Do You Want It?" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com).  I've been lurking 
at my computer, ready to pounce on this author as soon as he makes a 
mistake.  He patiently sends me each of his stories shortly before he 
posts it, and I eagerly devour each one - expecting that the string of 
good stories will have to end.  After all, his plots are largely 
similar: hot sex between or among two or more friends or strangers of 
the same or different gender, usually with one or more persons watching 
and having sex while the featured couple or menage do their thing.  
That storyline eventually has to get boring, doesn't it?

Well, not yet.  Maybe it's because my computer was down for the last 
week or so, but I found this story to be one of Mark's most erotic 
ever.

I live my real life in an interestingly boring world where I have not 
yet and probably will never will utter the sentence, "Do you want it?" 
under circumstances quite the same as those depicted in this story.  
Mark Aster writes about an imaginary world where there are no sexually 
transmitted diseases and where casual sex is not likely to ruin some of 
the best things in life - in short, a world where recreational sex is 
almost always the wonderful fun that it is on the best occasions in my 
real life.

I would LIKE to live in Mark's world; and I do live there in my 
imagination.  If I did live there and if I came upon a really cute guy 
watching a really sexy girl masturbate, I'd look him straight in the 
eye and shock his socks off by asking him, "Do you want it?"  Then I'd 
casually remove whatever clothing would obscure and impede his access 
to my ass and pussy, and I'd lean on the bridge in front of him, so 
that I could watch the lady do her work and so that he would have to 
look past me to see her.  I'd let him fondle, kiss, penetrate, and 
generally do wonderful things to my anatomy.  I'd let my pussy muscles 
return the favor without distracting me even a moment from the 
interesting object of our mutual admiration; and when the young lady 
that originally attracted his interest would eventually look up, I'd 
lock eyes with her and let her know across the distance that I was 
every bit as happy as she was  As a final touch that the author did not 
think of, I'd wink when I managed to time my climax with hers.

I don't live in Mark's imaginary world, but my husband has his Sports 
Illustrated swimsuit calendar near my computer.  While I read Mark's 
story after school this afternoon, I found myself glancing at that 
calendar; and Miss April and I managed to merge Mark's world with my 
own in a way that made me very happy.  As I'm writing this review, Miss 
April is still there, and I'm getting horny again; and as soon as I 
finish this sentence, I'm going to head for the bedroom, summarize this 
story to my husband, and see if he wants it.

It's now morning; and he did want it - twice!  That's a total of five 
raging orgasms in less than 24 hours from one story!  I suggest you 
read it.

It's now late afternoon. I made it through the day with all those sexy 
people in the teachers' lounge without giving way to my lust.  As I 
glanced back over this story before writing the next review, I realized 
that there's one more idea that I wanted to mention.  I have on several 
occasions commented on interracial sex.  I think it's wonderful that 
people want to make love to people of other races; but I have expressed 
concern that so many of the newsgroup stories focus on people of one 
race humiliating those of another.  Or Black men are often described as 
possessing animalistic qualities that make them distinctly different 
from their white counterparts.  The present story handled interracial 
sex wonderfully.  The woman who was masturbating while reading her book 
was a Black woman.  There was no implication that there was anything 
abnormal about the woman - in the author's imaginary world all sensible 
people are sexy and sensuous and give pleasure to themselves and to 
others.  But neither the woman's personality nor the color of her skin 
was irrelevant; rather these factors were treated as a natural part of 
a hot story.

Skin color is not invisible.  I like my own skin.  I love to run my 
fingers over it, especially when I'm turned on; and I hate its 
blemishes - although my husband claims these make me more attractive.  
My skin happens to be white and my hair happens to be dark and my eyes 
brown.  These are very sexy skin, hair, and eyes; and so were those of 
the woman in the story and of the model on the calendar.  It's 
beautiful and natural to take all of these things into consideration 
when telling or reading a story about sexy people.  What I am trying to 
say is that an unexpected extra of this story is that the author 
managed to introduce race in such a natural way that it simply became a 
realistic, natural part of what I would normally notice in a sexy 
setting.  I really liked the way he handled that detail.

Ratings for "Do You Want It?"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Dandelions" by M M Twassel (Mmtwassel@aol.com).  This is this author's second 
attempt that I know about in which he develops a new story based on the 
characters in Mark Aster's "My Friends the Allens" series.  The first attempt 
was "Rain," in which the present author retold one of Aster's original stories 
from the perspective of a young voyeur who happened to be nearby.  This second 
"Rain" was an excellent story - almost as good as the original.  In the 
present case the author does not build on a specific Aster story, but rather 
uses the Allen characters to develop a plot of his own.  The result is still a 
decent story, but nowhere near as good as "Rain."

The author probably wrote his "Rain" because he was reading the story of the 
same title by Mark Aster and said to himself, "Somebody else could be watching 
what's going on here.  What if a teenager were hiding nearby?  And what if the 
missing Allen sister stumbled across that teenager while he was watching the 
sex on the beach?"  In short, the author took an excellent plot, added an 
interesting twist to it, and integrated the new information well; and the 
result was another good story.

With the current story the author was probably struck by the beauty of an 
early spring day and said to himself, "This is great. Even the dandelions make 
me feel sexy.  I think I'll write a story about it.  I'll use the Allen 
Sisters and Mark in my plot."  Then he had to invent the whole story.  In 
doing so he had to invent numerous details about Pat and Julie and Mark that 
would probably surprise the original author of the series.  In short, the 
author did not have the advantage of a jump-start that fit in nicely with the 
rest of the series.  It's still a good story - especially if sex among the 
dandelions appeals to you - just not as good as the last one.

Ratings for "Dandelions
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7


