Celestial Reviews 70 - Mar 16, 1996

Note:  I am now using a rating system which gives each story three 
discrete ratings.  These are explained in more detail in my FAQ, but 
here is a summary.

Athena Rating.  This rating covers such matters as grammar, spelling, 
formatting, and creative use of the language.  A story with essentially 
no serious grammar, spelling, or usage problems will receive a rating 
of 8.  To get a rating of 9 or 10, the author will have to do something 
creative with the language.  

Venus Rating.  This rating describes such matters as plot and character 
development.  

Celeste Rating.  This rating describes how much I myself liked the 
story.  

Second Note:  One way to disseminate stories is through home pages on 
the Web.  Several authors have begun to maintain home pages of their 
own stories or of stories within specific categories.  Here are some 
that I know about.

Deirdre stories:
Robot Fetish stories: http://users.aol.com/robotdoll/asfr.html
Celestial Reviews: http://www.emi.u-bordeaux.fr/~jay/Celeste
Elf Sternberg stories: http://www.halcyon.com/elf/index.html
Sisters Ng stories:  http://members.aol.com/deidreng/index.htm
Warthog stories: http://www.connect.net/linetwo/stories.html

If you know of others, please let me know; and I'll post an update.  I 
am not interested in those with hot pictures or commercial sites.  Just 
stories comparable to those reviewed in CR.

- Celeste

      "Trial" by Deirdre (dominance) 10, 10, 10
      "Wait" by Deirdre (fantasy) 10, 8, 7
      "The Crystal" by Clint Quinn (mind control) 8, 7, 7
      "Marissa's Promise" by Jonathan Dzoba (teen romance &
           masturbation) 10, 8, 7
      "A Story for Susan" by William G. Hayden (mutual 
           voyeurism & watersports) 9, 10, 9
      "For You" by D.A. Ignatius (bondage & romance) 10, 10, 10
      "My Weekend with Nancy" by Steve Black (romance &
             menage a trois) 10, 10, 10
      "Squash" by Grimalkin (debt payment) 5, 7, 8
      "Spring Cleaning" by Athena (household sex) 7, 7, 8
      "Neighborly Love Spell Checked" by SomeGuy (adolescent
             sexual fantasy) 3, 3, 2

"Trial" by Deirdre.  This story seemed so natural to me.  Two Deirdre 
characters are chatting, and one says, "What's new in your life?"  
"Nothing much," comes the reply. "No, really.  I want to know," 
responds the first.  "OK.  My husband and I have gotten into kinky sex.  
You should try it some time."  The conversation seemed so ordinary and 
natural that I was hardly surprised in the next scene to find the 
narrator comfortably hidden in her friend's closet... Well, I guess you 
should read the story yourself to find out what happens.  It's a really 
simple but bizarre story that leads the reader in some interesting 
directions.

Ratings for "Trial"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Wait" by Deirdre.  "*You* go upstairs and get undressed; *I'll* get 
rid of them... lie on the bed on top of the covers, on your stomach and 
wait."  What's a girl to do?  Why's he taking so long?  Why on the 
stomach?  I thought this one ended too abruptly.  Just like this 
review.

Ratings for "Wait"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7

"The Crystal" by Clint Quinn.  This is a mind control story with a 
twist: the guy with the magic power usually deliberately refrains from 
using it to his advantage.  The twist was a good idea, but it needed to 
be developed a little more carefully.  At key points I was unable to 
figure out why things had happened the way they did; and in a few cases 
I was even uncertain about what had transpired.  Nevertheless, there is 
some hot sex in this story, although some readers will consider the 
build-up to be a bit prolonged.

Ratings for "The Crystal"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7

"Marissa's Promise" by Jonathan Dzoba (jondz@ix.netcom.com).  Marissa 
and Jonathan were teenage lovers.  When Jonathan had to go away for two 
weeks, the two of them promised that neither would masturbate during 
the hiatus; that way they would be like matchbooks ready to explode 
when they finally got back together.  To understand the magnitude of 
this promise, you have to realize that this period of abstinence 
followed a prolonged period of what football players call three-a-days: 
first kissing and teasing, then oral satisfaction (first him, then 
her), and finally lovemaking.  How would you keep this kind of promise?  
You could try gardening, playing scrabble with your mother, writing 
letters to your boyfriend, studying school subjects more assiduously 
than usual, or hanging out with your old girlfriend.  Would passion 
dwindle over time?  Would your interests become diverted?  You'll have 
to read the story to find out.

I commend the author for showing restraint; the story involves none of 
the wham-bam climax stuff that an author would be tempted to work into 
this plot.  It would have been easy for Julie to eat Marissa's pussy 
and bring her to a fabulous climax and for them to rationalize that 
this wasn't really breaking the deal - she would not actually have 
masturbated, and nobody had included sex with other members of the same 
gender as part of the bargain.  

I liked this story, but there's something lacking in it.  The author 
has tried to be realistic; and I think the flaw is that he has been 
*too* realistic.  The story reads like an actual description of 
something that really happened.  Objective accuracy is important in 
anthropological studies, in police reports, and in biographies of non-
politicians; but fiction writers are allowed to have a climax and 
denouement in their stories.  I got the feeling that this author wanted 
to avoid a really insipid or simplistic ending, went out of his way to 
make the story seem realistic, and then couldn't think of a way to end 
it; and so he just stopped writing.

Don't get me wrong. This is still a pretty good story.  It has a lot of 
excellent sexual tension in it, and you may be more satisfied than I 
was with the level of realism and the ending.

Speaking of realism, the real answer to the question of what to do 
during separations like the one in this story lies in two words: 
telephone sex.  I've had some great fun when my husband has "reached 
reached out and touched me" late at night with Ma Bell's help or when I 
have done the same for him.  "No fair!" you say.  The plot requires 
that we be separated and incommunicado for two weeks.  In that case, my 
advice is don't make deals like this.  Such promises are good for 
fiction, but not for real life.  Read alt.sex.stories and masturbate 
all you want for the first twelve days of his absence.  Encourage him 
to do the same.  Think of each other while you do it, and plan just how 
you're going to make each other happy.  Purchase the blindfolds and the 
whipped cream.  Abstain for the final two days.  The explosive impact 
upon reunion will be as good as if you abstained for the entire two 
weeks, and you'll be spared all the frustration and temptation.  Trust 
me.  An angel appeared to me in my sleep and revealed this strategy to 
me.

Ratings for "Marissa's Promise"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7

"A Story for Susan" by William G. Hayden (billyg@hooked.net).  At the 
completion of the work together on a lengthy project a consultant and 
office worker unwind together.  He has admired her for a long time, and 
when he expresses his feelings for her, he discovers that they are 
mutual. She suggests that they reveal more of themselves to each other, 
with the condition that they can look but not touch.  Actually, they 
can touch themselves, but not each other.  He agrees, and it is 
enjoyable.  Being a clever man, when she took off her blouse and bra, 
he utters, "Wow!"  Not everyone can make up palindromes on the spot!  
The two friends never do fuck; but they DO masturbate and take a leak 
together.

Like the preceding story, this one tries to be realistic.  I think this 
story did a better job.  As I read the story, I had the feeling that 
all this quite possibly really happened; but the author gave it a focus 
that kept me from feeling disappointed at the end. 

I don't go out on a limb too often, but I have a prediction to make here.  Mr. 
Hayden, if Jackie reads this story, you are going to make 
her list of erotic bloopers.  You wrote:

      Weekly I croaked, "Can't touch?"

You meant to say "weakly."

Ratings for "A Story for Susan"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"For You" by D.A. Ignatius (jash@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu).  Katerina has 
instructed Jonathan to dress in formal attire for their evening date.  
Then she comes and picks him up to take him to their destination - 
blindfolded.  I'm not going to tell you the details of this story; 
suffice it to say that this story involves the kind of bondage that I 
myself find sexy as hell.  It is the kind of domination that involves 
no humiliation of the the bound partner; rather the whole goal is to 
turn over the control of the bound person's pleasure to his loving 
partner.  This story is a very close approximation of the events of my 
own tenth wedding anniversary, when I successfully surprised my husband 
by celebrating it on our nine-and-a-halfth anniversary.  The main 
difference between this story and our real anniversary is that this 
story does not include a traffic cop.  This is one sexy story that you 
can safely use as a recipe for real life.

Ratings for "For You"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"My Weekend with Nancy" by Steve Black (c621097@showme.missouri.edu). 
Through a combination of brains and beauty Nancy LeDoux has made her 
way to the top ranks as a manager within the Ultimate Wrestling 
Association.  Andy is a big fan of wrestling and of Nancy.  Don't 
worry; you don't have to buy into the idea that pro wrestling is "real" 
in order to enjoy this story.  Andy views Nancy as a beautiful woman 
who is good at promoting entertainment.  Alas, Nancy hurts her ankle, 
and Andy helps her.  Double alas - because of the injury, Nancy cannot 
sleep; and Andy helps her again.  Triple alas, Nancy needs a man; and 
Andy redoubles his efforts to help out.

It turns out Nancy is polyamorous.  Andy has to decide if this is OK 
with him; and he says he needs time to think.  Quite possibly, the 
reason for his hesitation was because he had to check the fine FAQ on 
that topic, available on alt.sex.wizards.  Then Andy rescues Nancy from 
her crazed wrestler ex-husband.  Next Nancy's sexy assistant Tamara 
starts coming on to Andy.  Andy likes Tamara but resists her, because 
he wants to remain true to Nancy.  But Tamara is going to be 
persistent.  What will Andy do?  I knew the answer, because I already 
knew all about polyamory.  That's the value of having a good vocabulary 
and/or lurking in alt.sex.wizards.

Actually, I *thought* I knew the answer, and I was pretty close.  But I 
didn't guess the part about the handcuffs.  This story has a slow 
build-up; but that's probably necessary.  The ending was excellent.

Ratings for "My Weekend with Nancy"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Squash" by Grimalkin.  This story is from the THC Archives.  I have 
found that those stories are of extremely uneven quality, and I 
normally don't have time for them. This one caught my eye, because it 
was right above a "Spring Cleaning" story; and I need something right 
now to get me psyched up for that annual activity.

I gave this story really odd ratings.  It's badly written in the sense 
that it contains all run-on sentences within each paragraph.  I found 
this annoying, but I think the author was doing it on purpose - a 
strange stylistic quirk.  This format made me work unnecessarily while 
I read the story.  The reason I was willing to work, I suppose, was 
because I have shared a similar fantasy: making the loser pay sexually 
for losing a game - and then having the loser enjoy the penalty.

Ratings for "Squash"
Athena (technical quality): 5
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"Spring Cleaning" by Athena.  This story is from the THC Archives.  I 
have found that those stories are of extremely uneven quality, and I 
normally don't have time for them. This one caught my eye, because I 
need something right now to get me psyched up for spring cleaning.  
It's really a simple story: a wife wants to throw our some of her 
husband's things; he resists; and she uses his things as prompts to 
stimulate lovemaking.  They never do accomplish much in the way of 
spring cleaning.

Ratings for "Spring Cleaning"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"Neighborly Love Spell Checked" by SomeGuy (jason38@ix.netcom.com).  
This story was probably written by SomeGuy who thought it up all by 
himself, jerked off a couple of times while he entered it into his word 
processor, ran his spell check, jerked off again, and then posted it.  

Sometimes I worry about young boys today.  Sometimes I think they think 
with their penises.  But at least they have spellcheck.  This is a 
story about a mother who says, "I have to go out now.  You kids go 
ahead and have sex while I'm gone."  When she returns, she joins them 
and shows them how to do it right.  This story doesn't have much of a 
plot and it doesn't have noticeable spelling errors (unless you count 
"breath" for "breathe," "mad for made," "as" for "ass," etc), but it 
sure does have a lot of grammar and logical errors.  Oh well, not 
everyone can be a Stud and be literate too.  Moms who have lusted after 
the 4-incher on the boy next door might find a quaint charm in this 
story.  For guys, this story will no doubt bring back memories of the 
first time their girlfriend's mom begged them to give it to her up the 
ass. 

Ratings for "Neighborly Love Spell Checked"
Athena (technical quality): 3
Venus (plot & character): 3
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 2

AUTHOR FORUM.  Mark Aster, the author of the "My Friends the Allen 
Sisters" recently posted an article entitled "Author forum: When 
characters develop."  In it he described some of the thoughts and 
conflicts that went on in his head while he wrote several episodes of 
that series.  I thoroughly enjoyed his essay.  Shortly thereafter, I 
came across another article by Robotdoll entitled "Why I write what I 
write," in which that author explained exactly what the title promises 
to explain.  Other authors often attach similar brief essays as part of 
their disclaimer or introduction when they post their stories.

I would like to suggest that we informally formalize this process.  If 
other authors would occasionally write similar essays, they could post 
them on a.s.s.d.  To make it easier to find these essays, we could 
simply standardize the title line by having it begin with "Author 
Forum: {Add a specific title here.}"

I think numerous authors would enjoy hearing what their peers think 
about their own stories.  In addition, the essays would be available to 
non-authors, whose understanding of the works of their favorite authors 
would be enhanced.  If non-authors want to participate (as by raising 
questions for specific authors or for the general group of authors), 
they could do so in the same format.  Let's just keep it free of 
requests for copies of stories and those annoying wannafucks.  I think 
we should keep the Forum on a.s.s.d. (rather than a.s.s.), because 
that's what a.s.s.d. is designed for and because it will be a lot 
easier to find the Author Forum entries there.

If you wish, you can put the following short introduction at the 
beginning of your essay, in place of (or as part of) the traditional 
disclaimer:

      The Author Forum offers an arena in which authors of
      stories posted on the alt.sex.stories newsgroup can share
      ideas about these stories with other authors and with 
      readers.  Please do not use this Forum for other purposes.

Authors wishing to use the forum can either copy this introductory 
statement from right here or from any article in which it is posted.

This is not "my" forum.  Any author who posts stories on a.s.s. would 
be welcome here, not just those whose stories I happen to like or 
review.  However, it would be nice if persons who want to denounce us 
as perverts would continue to post elsewhere, in their traditional 
manner.

If there is a need for such a thing, I would be willing to compose an 
"Author's Forum FAQ" that would say pretty much what I have said here.  
I could post this FAQ once a month.  However, I am not going to do this 
unless I see some interest in the idea of the Forum.

I am aware that a huge number of people read and enjoy my reviews.  I 
am also aware that I have no authority over anyone.  Anarchy is 
wonderful.  But I think this is a great idea.  I like it because of its 
simplicity.  So I would appreciate it if some of you fine authors would 
take a look at the essays by Mark Aster and by Robotdoll and churn out 
a contribution or two of your own.
