Celestial Reviews 327 - May 29, 1999

Note:  A guy goes to see the doctor, because he's been a little too well
endowed.  In fact, his dick is 25 inches long, and he can't get anyone to have
sex with him. The doctor says there's nothing he can do medically, but sends
him to see a witch who he thinks might be able to help. The witch takes a look
at the problem and tells the guy to go to a particular pond deep in the forest
and to talk to a frog that lives there. 

She tells him, "Ask the frog to marry you. The frog will refuse. Each time the
frog says 'no,' your cock will be 5 inches shorter."

"It's worth a try," he thinks; and off he dashes into the forest.  He finds the
pond and sees the frog on the other side, sitting on a log. 

"Will you marry me?" he calls to the frog. 

The frog looks at him, disinterested at best, and calls back, "No!" 

The guy looks down. Sure enough; he's 5 inches shorter.  

"Hey, this is  great!" he thinks, "Let's try that again!"

"Will you marry me?" he asks the frog. 

The frog rolls its eyes, and shouts back again, "No!" 

Twitch. The guy's down to 15 inches.  

"Well, that's still a bit excessive," he thinks.  "Down another 5 would be
perfect." So he calls across again, "Will you marry me?" 

The frog yells back, "Look - how many times do I have to tell you? No,  NO,
NO!"

Second note: Here's a new Y2K product:

K-Y2K Jelly - For when you'd like 4 digits to fit where only 2 did before.

Third note: Dear Celeste Department: A correspondent sent this to me with a
note that said, "What do you think about this?"

JERUSALEM - Drivers beware: Unsafe sex is a punishable offense on Israel's
highways.

Police said Wednesday they had ticketed a driver for reckless driving Tuesday
while he had sex on the coastal highway with a hitchhiking woman he picked up.

"I saw a naked girl sitting on the driver and they were having sex," a prison
guard, who was driving along the same road, told Israel's Maariv newspaper.

The guard, who saw the car zigzagging along at a speed of about 25 mph,
signaled the couple to pull over beside the road and called traffic police who
arrived to find them still naked.

Police said the driver told them: "While driving I became attracted to her. She
was a pretty girl and I forgot myself."

Celestial answer: Although I would have added a comma, the driver's participle
was not dangling.

Final note: I have accidentally lost contact with some of my reviewers.  To be
honest, so many reviewers have either gone on hiatus or have offered to return
to reviewing that I don't even know who's who anymore. If you are a reviewer
and have not received a story in a long time, please contact me.  For that
matter, if you just want to try your hand at reviewing a story, please contact
me (celeste801@aol.com}.

=====================
Celestial Reviews Index:
=====================

"Till Death Us Do Part" by Neos Fyllo  (Romance) 10, 9, 9
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=476968028

"Hidden Journal: Frazier Haven" by Kellis (orgy) 10, 8, 8
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=480209927
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=480209939

"Speed" by E.Z. Riter" (sex with a cop) 10, 9, 9
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=480406195

"Home Sick " by Cubbybear (incest) 8, 7, 5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=480807791

"Risking it all" by Pam (threesome) 5, 4, 4
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=480823254

"Unwrapping Lois" by Anthony (wife watching & sharing) 9, 9, 9
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482288528
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482288533
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482288538

"Blowing the Law" by Spad (threesome with cop) 7, 8, 8
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482392896

"Saucy Tale" by Carla (post-PMS sex) 9, 8, 8
http://www.scarletletters.com/current/f_saucy.html

"How to Screw a Coot" by Ronald Sukenick (restaurant sex)
      9.5, 9/5, 9
http://www.nervemag.com/Sukenick/coot/

"Outage" by Uther Pendragon (sex in the mud) 10, 8, 8
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482449545

"Leanna" by Nick (sex in the mud) 10, 9, 9
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482442747

"Offering" by Greg Smith (sex fantasy with clothing fetish) 10, 8, 8
http://www.scarletletters.com/may98/offering.html

=====================
Web Site Reviews:
=====================

Scarlet Letters Web Site 10, 10, 10
http://www.scarletletters.com/

Nerve Magazine Web Site 10, 10, 10
http://www.nervemag.com/front.html

Pink Slip Web Site 10, 10, 10
http://www.scarletletters.com/pink

=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================

"Jeeves and the Mating Game" by Shadowloup. Anne747: 10, 9, 7
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=477218489
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=477218496

"Taking Different Roads"  by Jason Flinders. BillyG: 10, 8, 5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=476361346
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=476363235
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=476364661
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=476364682
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=476364694
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=476364706
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=476364720
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=476364737
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=476364750
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=476364763
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=476364777

=====================
Reposted Reviews:
=====================

* "My Brother" by Janet L. Dunning (very friendly adult incest)
            10, 10, 10 {posted as "Dunning"}
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482511012
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482511016
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482511019
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482511023
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482511029
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482511027

* "The Fourth Ring" by Hunter Jackson (wife watching) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=169814406
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=169044692

* "Lost Love" by John Dark (wife watching) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=261592535

* "The United Way" by Mike Hunt (complex spouse watching)
            10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=255878847

* "Taking Chances" by Javahead (threesome with wife
            watching) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327366449

* "Watching You Watching Me" by Gregarious (mutual voyeurism)
            10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=231338327

* "The Photographer" by Mike Hunt (voyeurism & spouse 
            watching) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=226084466
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=226086282
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=226086341

* "Third Cave" by Anonymous (wife watching spelunker) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=426117444

* "John's Fantasy" by DJ (spouse watching) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=179530887

* Attraction" by Mary Ann Mohanraj (bdsm) 10, 10, 0.5 
http://www.scarletletters.com/nov98/f_attraction.html

=====================
Here are the  Reviews:
=====================

"Till Death Us Do Part" by Neos Fyllo  (Neos@nym.alias.net).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=476968028

After twelve years of marriage the husband and wife had run out of things to
say to each other. They had no children. All they wanted from life was food and
shelter, and a place to sit and watch television in comfort or play with the
Internet in comfort.  Then the guy gets diagnosed with terminal cancer, and
their love life turns around.  It has something to do with living each day like
it's the last.

A close relative of mine had terminal cancer. She and her husband handled it
really well.  Their last year together was wonderful. They loved each other,
and they lived each day as if it really mattered. I was with her one day when a
silly acquaintance said, "Ya know, this illness has been a real growth
experience for you!" My friend looked at her and replied, "If I wanted a growth
experience, I'd rather go to an encounter group." It was a dumb thing to say,
but it was true.  A terminal illness really can be a growth experience.  This
story zeroes in on the same topic.

I also had a colleague at work who seemed to be healthy and happy. I was
astonished one day when my husband and I were out with them and it popped up in
the conversation that he had been diagnosed ten years ago with terminal cancer.
He told us that right after he was diagnosed he had read an article by a famous
writer who had cancer and had decided that the best way to beat cancer was to
laugh a lot. So he decided to laugh his ass off, and here he was ten years
later, still laughing and free of pain. I commented, "Too bad he didn't tell
you to fuck your brains out!" His wife blushed furiously, but my colleague just
winked at me.  There's a little of that in this story too.

Many years ago, a salacious classmate of mine expressed a similar theory about
a nasty nun, when she remarked, "What Sister Mary Bitchface needs is a good
orgasm." But I digress.

Seriously, there's all kind of evidence that sex is good for you. But it really
does have to be wholesome sex - not in a moralistic sense, but in the sense
that makes it analogous to my colleague's laughing his ass off.

To be honest, this isn't a really sexy story.  It's just a feel good anecdote
about an experience that may be fiction, but is very, very plausible.  Read it
for medicinal purposes. Then have some really good sex for the same reason.
Even if you're not sick yet.

Ratings for "Till Death Us Do Part"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Hidden Journal: Frazier Haven" by Kellis (kellis@dhp.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=480209927
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=480209939

Apparently there are a whole series of these journals by Kellis.  This is the
first I've seen, and it's a good story.  I have referred in the past to
didactic sex stories.  By this I mean that the author inserts an essay into the
story - at its worst developing a sort of parable or morality tale and at its
best a good story on an interesting topic. The cops on Dragnet used to be
legendary for this: "Yep, that's what locks are for, ma'am." "You really should
get a deadbolt." "That's right; you're insurance rates would go down too." Dean
Koontz also does this in his novels. I understand Koontz subscribes to hundreds
of medical, scientific, and political journals and gets plots about sociopaths
from them. Sometimes as you read his stories you can notice the lecture
intruding.

The lectures in the Hidden Journals are embedded in conversations among the
characters.  For example, we learn that pedophilia isn't all that bad, as long
as the kids aren't being coerced and that the government really ought to give
kids birth control pills instead of condoms because they work so much better.
We also get a relatively detailed anatomical description of the parts of the
throat involved in deep throating. 

What it amounts to is that didactic sex stories are just about the opposite of
my reviews {which aren't really reviews, in case you haven't figured that out
by now}.  My reviews claim to be essays but often tell stories; didactic sex
stories claim to be stories but really are essays.  I see no problem with these
amalgamations, as long as they are done well.

And this one is well done - at least well enough done to make me look for more
stories by this author.

We can all learn something from a good didactic sex story.  For example, sex
stories often emphasize size of the male member. One of the characters in this
story correctly points out that size <<usually>> isn't so important. Then the
author immediately demonstrates an instance when size IS important - to wit,
when the guy is using it to fuck a woman during a naked ballet performance.
That's something you don't learn from your ordinary Fact of the Day Calendar!

One distracting element in this story is the frequent references to other
stories in this "Hidden Journal" series.  For example, we find references to
somebody named Estri and to some hitchhikers. These are characters in other
full-length stories.  The author's goal with these allusions is to (1) entice
us to read those other stories and (2) increase our enjoyment of the present
story by associating it with the others.  The problem is that this doesn't work
unless the reader has read the other stories or is at least willing to do so. 
It would be better to add just a few more details. For example, the author
writes these lines as part of a conversation between the author and his
benefactor:

<<"Well!  You've actually thought about this subject, haven't you?"
"Yes, a bit."  Quite a bit, thanks to Estri, but I could hardly mention her!>>

I really think the author should have said something like

<<Quite a bit, thanks to Estri (my wife, whom I describe in detail in "Estri's
Escape"); but I could hardly mention her!>>

The actual amount of detail would vary, and sometimes no additional detail may
be needed. However, several allusions like this in the present story are likely
to make it at least slightly annoying to people who are unfamiliar with the
original contexts.

I'm not going to discuss this story's level of realism, except to say that the
notion that a bunch of orphans growing from free sex play as children into
happy expanded marriages in adulthood is not all that much more unlikely than
the notion that a princess really can live happily ever after with a prince
whom she marries shortly after he switches his status from froghood.

Oh, and the sex scenes are pretty hot.

Ratings for "Frazier Haven"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"Speed" by E.Z. Riter" (ezriter@pdq.net)
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=480406195

The woman is dressed for action. She sets up at the traffic light and
practically dares the deputy to chase her, as she lays rubber at the turn of
the light and speeds off into the country. She could lose him, but she pulls
off the road in a quiet place and tries to talk him out of the ticket. Then
when he starts accepting her settlement, she changes her mind and has to be
subdued. 

How could a woman who can handle a hot car that well actually seem to enjoy
having a muscular police officer force his intentions on her? How, indeed.

There's even an interesting twist at the end of this story.

Ratings for "Speed"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Home Sick " by Cubbybear (news@nospamkingcubfan.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=480807791

This is a pretty good little story.  It's about a 14-year-old girl who pretends
to be sick so she can stay home from school and seduce her Daddy. He complies
and fucks her ever so nice.

I'm sure someone will object that this is morally repulsive behavior, and that
person would probably be correct. After all, very few little girls who get
humped by their fathers have much of a life thereafter. But that's because most
fathers who fuck their kids are being exploitive.  This father is being nice
and loving to his little girl, who just happens to evoke his lust.

Likewise, someone may object that this story really has almost no plot.  But
it's not supposed to have a plot.  It just describes what might happen in the
relatively unlikely event that a well-adjusted little girl decides to lose her
virginity to her kindly parent with an engorged cock.  What it lacks in plot,
it makes up in one-syllable words that are 16 letters long - like
Godddddddddddddd. Indeed, that word includes a theological subplot that is rare
on this newsgroup. 

As an English teacher who has studied phonetics, I'm not exactly sure how one
would pronounce a word ending in 14 dental consonants in such a way as to
differentiate it from a similar word ending in only one "d." Since the only
letters in the English language that really extend sounds are the consonants
and semi-consonants, it would seem wiser to have the protagonist shout
Gooooooooooooood during the orgasm; but this would have the complication of
confusing God with Good, which is theologically tenable, but probably not what
the author intended. My advice would be to phonetically duplicate the sound and
duration with something like Gaaaaaaawwwwwwwwd!

Returning to the realism angle, someone may object that it's not all that
likely that a 14-year-old girl would be all that good in the sack. But my
answer to this is, how do you know unless you've tried it? And if you've tried
it, you're a moral reprobate, and I wouldn't want to listen to you anyway.  If
you set your moral scruples aside and go with your imagination alone, you
should be able to see that most 14-year-old nymphs are probably as good as
their 21-year-old equivalents.  I know I would have been a real delight to any
man when I was 14 years old. At least there's no evidence to the contrary.

So I set all other thoughts aside and asked myself, "Is this a reasonable
description of how much fun I would like it to be if a kid were fucked by a
real nice daddy with absolutely no unfortunate side effects and with the focus
on the purely physiological aspects with no attention to the psychological or
emotional complexity of the situation?"  The answer was yes.

Whether the story is worth reading is an entirely different question.

Ratings for "Home Sick "
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5

"Risking it all" by Pam (pussyeather@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=480823254

Suzie is a great looking blonde, about 5'3", 105 pounds, with a trim and tight
34D-22-33 figure. When you get all that information within the first hundred
words of a story, you can bet that it's not going to be a very creative piece
of writing.  Any hope that this story would be an exception vanished when I
discovered in the same paragraph that they narrator herself is  5'5", 115
pounds, with dark brown hair, grey eyes, and a 34b-23-34 figure.
{Mathematically, I suppose the difference between the two can be expressed as
1-c-1.} The most interesting thing about Suzie's boyfriend Steve is his 8-inch
porker. Ah! There's the rub, if you'll pardon the expression.

So the narrator brings Suzie a birthday present.  Just so there's a little
anticipation left for you, I won't tell you what the present is. Let's just say
Suzie's breasts wriggled seductively underneath the slinky material of the
present and her nipples stood up very quickly.  This causes the girls to
"giggle about." Literally, that means they wandered around the premises,
giggling as they did so; but I suspect the author simply left off the object of
the preposition.  This was perhaps the most interesting part of the story.
Except maybe for the orgy that they have in the wee hours of the morning after
returning from the restaurant.

The risk mentioned in the title consists of this: Once they have started their
threesome, the narrator entices them to go from their apartment out into the
hall and to keep on fucking until the elevator bell rings. Then they run back
into the apartment and keep on fucking. I had expected something a little more
grandiose.

The story has a lot of licking and sucking and fucking, but the action seemed
lame and forced to me.

Ratings for "Risking it all"
Athena (technical quality): 5
Venus (plot & character): 4
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4

"Unwrapping Lois" by Anthony (tonytony3@juno.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482288528
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482288533
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482288538

Tom has been married for many years to a wonderful Southern girl with down home
values. She has been a good lover, but not the least bit adventurous. Then she
starts loosening up. She gets a real charge out of letting him be in charge. 
And the ultimate way for Tom to be in charge is for him to see her having
really hot sex with another man.

A lot of the wife-watching stories on this newsgroup are really lame. The guys
get together with a case of beer and hump the hostess while the watch the
football game.  This one is different.  It comes across as a genuinely romantic
experience.

The reason I won't ever actually do what this story describes is because I
don't believe it would really happen this way in real life. But I'm grateful to
the author for giving me a really good presentation of the fantasy.

I've given some of my lowest ratings to mindless wife-watching stories. 
However, there have been some other good ones.  I don't think Mark Aster's
polyamorous adventures qualify as wife-watching; but Hunter Jackson's "Fourth
Ring" and DJ's "John's Fantasy" were good ones. Mike Hunt had a couple of good
ones - "Photographer" and "United Way." "Watching You Watching Me" by
Gregarious was an unusual but excellent story. I also liked Javahead's "Taking
Chances" and John Dark's "Lost Love." "Third Cave" was also a hot one. I'll
repost the reviews. That oughta give you married folks enough dirty thoughts to
keep you busy for a while.

Ratings for "Unwrapping Lois"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Blowing the Law" by Spad (spad13@worldnet.att.net).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482392896

This story doesn't have much plot and character development. Instead, it reads
like one of those letters in the Penthouse Forum. That's not necessarily bad -
it's just the literary equivalent of a really superficial quickie with a
stranger. Like I said, that's not necessarily bad.

The cop finds the man and his girlfriend engaging in public indecency in their
parked car. The guy invites the cop to join them, and they really go at it.  No
deep thoughts, just deep and multiple penetrations.

Ratings for "Blowing the Law"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"A Saucy Tale" by Carla (dthdivine@aol.com).
http://www.scarletletters.com/current/f_saucy.html

{This story appeared not on a.s.s. but rather in Scarlet Letters. I review that
site below. I was confident enough in the integrity of this site to go there
expecting no ill effects, but you can make up your mind for yourself.}

Sally picks Fran up at the airport and takes her home, looking forward to an
evening's R&R after a long separation. Unfortunately, Fran is having her
period.

So Sally shows some ingenuity. The title refers to the fact that the resulting
mixture of fluids is like adding a little picante sauce to the dish. 

Keep this story in mind the next time the waitress suggests a little sauce on
the side.

Ratings for "A Saucy Tale"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"How to Screw a Coot" by Ronald Sukenick.
http://www.nervemag.com/Sukenick/coot/

{This story appeared not on a.s.s. but rather in Nerve Magazine. I review that
site below. I was confident enough in the integrity of this site to go there
expecting no ill effects, but you can make up your mind for yourself.}

It's a common event, really - a woman sits down to dinner between her finacee
and another man who has the super hots for her. With one hand she fondles her
fiancee above the table and with the other she plays footsie with their guest
under the table. When this sort of thing happens in a restaurant, of course,
somebody's hand is likely to wander, especially if someone else is not wearing
any panties and she spreads her legs and gets all lubricated.

I think you can probably imagine where this story is going.

It was a very good story.

Ratings for "How to Screw a Coot"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Outage" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482449545

Amanda is upset because she can't get any water in the shower. She forgot that
when the electricity goes off (which is the case at their remote cabin), the
pump doesn't work; and therefore there is no water. No matter. Pretty soon they
are arguing, and she stomps out, and soon they are wriggling and rolling and
fucking in the rain and the mud.

Given that the task was to write a mud wrestling story, this is a very creative
exercise. The fact that somebody else may be watching adds a little extra
excitement.

Ratings for "Outage"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"Leanna" by Nick (sex in the mud) 10, 8, 8
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482442747

Nick is fixing the car in a serious downpour. Leanna shows up, and she's pissed
because of something Nick has written. Actually, the author is British, and so
Leanna is not pissed; she's angry as hell. Leanna is actually sort of sexy when
she's angry, especially when she's soaked to the bones - or at least to the
skin that supplies a very nice package for her bones.

Leanna's assault perplexes Nick. I think that's an acceptable word for the
state of confusion that fills Nick's mind. Whatever else she was, Nick had
always thought of Leanna as a decent and respectable woman. Now she is trying
to kick Nick in the balls while he tries to ward her off. 

She misses, but they {the couple, not Nick's balls} fall into the
Dragonlillies; and she proceeds to beat the snot out of him in a most
ungentlemanly fashion. Nick recovers and pins her to the ground. 

Then Leanna decides to let bygones be bygones, and they fuck. 

Meanwhile a man walks his dog past the garden fence. The man doesn't see them,
but the dog does. This bestial voyeurism didn't do much for me or for the plot.
So skip the ten words that describe that incident.

Thunder roars, lightning streaks, Leanna screams, Nick cums, and they achieve
reconciliation. 

Will Nick ever do that again? I guess it depends on the antecedent of "that."
However, that that is that is not always that that is that. Or something like
that. And the British have an even longer version of that sentence.

Ratings for "Leanna"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"The Offering" by Greg Smith
http://www.scarletletters.com/may98/offering.html

{This story appeared not on a.s.s. but rather in Scarlet Letters. I review that
site below. It was in a special issue on Sacred Sex. I'll have to think about
that. I was confident enough in the integrity of this site to go there
expecting no ill effects, but you can make up your mind for yourself.}

I usually dislike "you" stories.  That's because they usually force me into an
odd perspective.  That awkwardness occurs because "you" stories are usually
written by an author who had a particular person {"you"} in mind, and the
author just shoves the story into the arms of the general public without
considering that the general public may lack the perspective of that other
person.

This one is different. "You" works just fine. I wound up getting tricked by the
perspective at the end of the story, but that was supposed to happen.

The third paragraph alone of this story makes it worth reading.

Ratings for "The Offering" 
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8


=====================
Web Site Reviews:
=====================

Scarlet Letters Web Site. 
http://www.scarletletters.com/

I am not going to go full-time into reviewing web sites, but this one caught my
attention in a big way. It's a "free site" with lots of excellent writing and
art. It describes itself as a "journal of femmerotica."  The journal's mission
proclaims that its "aim is to present the best in positive women's sexuality
and erotica with the goal of eradicating sexual taboo and stigma through
exposition and education and to open a forum through which readers and viewers
can come to understand sex as sacred and positive." It is tastefully done - not
the least bit sleazy. 

The people who run the web site apparently make their money by selling
advertisements - but these are not the obnoxious XXX stuff that I so often see,
but rather ads for condoms, sex toys, other good reading material, as well as
ordinary things like fashionable clothing.

The stories can be viewed as typical of good stories on a.s.s. - although some
a.s.s. stories are better than what I saw here. Indeed, some of the authors'
names were familiar to me from this newsgroup. I am reposting a review of Mary
Anne Mohanraj's "Attraction," which appeared in a recent issue of Scarlet
Letters.

Now here's the best part. The site doesn't just have a disclaimer that tells
underage teens to go away. It actually has a sexy site to which it INVITES 
them. It's called The Pink Slip (http://www.scarletletters.com/pink/) That site
doesn't have the super raunchy stuff that we often see at XXX sites. Instead,
it has stories, art, and discussions that present sex as a fun-filled and
thrilling activity that also entails responsibility. The site is directed
mostly toward adolescent girls, but boys can probably peek too. It has an
advice column that covers topics like masturbation and date rape. In other
words, this is good sex education.

Ratings for Scarlet Letters Web Site
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

Ratings for Pink Slip Web Site
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

Nerve Magazine Web Site (http://www.nerve.com/)

Another tasteful erotic site - one that's been around a lot longer - is Nerve
Magazine. I won't say much about it.  It's free and has links that overlap
heavily with authors and stories that I have reviewed.

Ratings for Nerve Magazine
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================

"Jeeves and the Mating Game" by Shadowloup (shadowloup@aol.com). Guest review
by Anne747 (Anon747@aol.com)
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=477218489
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=477218496

Okay, first, I'll admit that the 'characters' from the story are unfamiliar. 
The author begins with the following: "The copyright for the characters created
by PG Wodehouse is owned by his designated heirs, and this story is in no way
intended to challenge that fact.  This author's sole intent is to put the screw
in screwball comedy by making free use of Wodehouse's characters."  

The author goes on to insist: "That being said, this author has also taken
steps to validate his claim to this particular story.  In short, I wrote it, I
can prove it, and as long as nobody is making any money from it Wodehouse and I
will be satisfied."  {Celestial note: While satires are obviously different
from ordinary plagiarism, there are limitations, and satirists do sometimes get
taken to court by the original authors.  As Anne pointed out to me, it's hard
to imagine how an author can 'claim' a story when he has violated someone
else's legal rights in order to write it,}

If you have to tell people it's a comedy, is this a good thing? *grin* The
story is somewhat reminiscent of Fanny Hill, a story which I never did find
entertaining.  So, that probably makes me a tough audience.  Between Bertie
Junior (the narrator's member), and Horsemeat (a nickname for his school chum's
member), it all seemed rather silly.

Okay, it's possible that's what the author was going for. Bertram (and Bertie
Junior) is pressed into service when Horsemeat can't fulfill an engagement of
sorts - a public sex show.  I'm simplifying the plot; the author did take the
time to weave an more complicated tale.  I just didn't get into it.  If you've
read and enjoyed 'Victorian' erotica (and I'm using that term very loosely),
give this story a read.

Ratings for "Jeeves and the Mating Game"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Anne (appeal to reviewer): 7

"Taking Different Roads" by Jason Flinders (flind84@hotmail.com)
Guest reviewed by BillyG (hayden@mindless.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=476361346
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=476363235
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=476364661
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=476364682
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=476364694
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=476364706
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=476364720
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=476364737
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=476364750
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=476364763
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=476364777

"Taking Different Roads" is a long, and in many ways, a difficult story to
read.  It took me days to complete the task; and had I not accepted the
reviewing job, I suspect I would not have been sufficiently enamored with the
story to persist.  Considering that at least some would react similarly, I
might look at what would be considered stumbling blocks.

As mentioned, this is a long story and its length is not the consequence of
jam-packed series of adventures.  Rather, the length derives mostly from the
author's narration, or perhaps I should say rumination.  For example, Flinders
starts out simply enough: "I met her outside the Engineering Faculty.
<paragraph> "She turned and smiled at me (d'you get the picture? - yes, we
<paragraph> "Hang on." As it turns out, we're to hang on for a long, long time.

Hang on for what?  Background?  Some.  Tangential asides?  Yes, lots.
Unfortunately for me, so many of these held a connection evident only to the
author.  There are so many parenthetical thoughts, some standing alone and some
even more confusing, located in a phrase set off by an en-dash.  Imagine a
monologue, a series of reflections punctuated largely by tangential right turns
that contain further oblique turns in the form of parenthetical thoughts.  It
becomes increasingly less pleasure and more work. What, if any of this, is
supposed to be understood, supposed to be foreshadowing of future events or, as
it appears, have meaning only to the author?  After awhile, we cease to really
care. Having been left dangling in left field so many times, the temptation is
to cast off and look for something less obtuse.

Many paragraphs later there appears a parenthetical insert that says:

"(Don't worry, I think I've digressed and scene-set as far as I'm going to.)" 
Not so. There's more.

The beginning, middle, and end of this story are clouded, mostly by personal
reflections and the author's internal monologue.  The protagonist is a graduate
student in England, apparently possessing a degree in English.  Strunk and
White's little book, "Elements of Style" would appear not to have been highly
valued in the English graduate schools.

There's a nidus of a story that concerns itself with protagonist's involvement
in the production of the play, "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf."  But that's
the near invisible backdrop for the player's reflections, almost exclusively
about self, and wrapped it what was meant to be adroit and ingenious style.

The grammatical cleverness and slight-of-hand does diminish with time, but not
soon enough to grab my attention.  This isn't a sex story, although there could
well have been moments.  It's too clever by half to be entertaining. I might
have held it differently in an English composition newsgroup; but it's just
wasted, I think, in this one.

Oh, by the way, there's an impressive "BIBLIODISCOFILMOGRAPHY" at the end of
the story for those who like references for their sex stories.

Ratings for "Taking Different Roads"  
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 5 (Way too pedantic for my taste)

=====================
Reposted Reviews:
=====================

* "My Brother" by Janet L. Dunning with help from Friar Dave
(Friar_Dave@mhbbs.com).  
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482511012
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482511016
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482511019
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482511023
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482511029
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482511027

This exceptionally well-written story comes to us through the eyes of a woman
who has barely graduated from college and who is visiting her older brother. 
She becomes attracted to her brother and also to the woman whom his brother is
dating.  Meanwhile, she dates that woman's brother, and the cad tries to date
rape her.  When she brings this news home to her brother and his date, they
comfort her and make tender love to her.  She eventually develops a long-term,
loving relationship with her brother, with occasional visits from the other
woman.  It's all very sexy.

I found this story listed as "Dunning" in a.s.s.  Friar Dave claims it was
written by someone else (Janet Dunning), with a little help from him for the
finishing touches.  This may be true, but it certainly reads like one of Friar
Dave's better stories.

Ratings for "My Brother"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
DG (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "The Fourth Ring" by Hunter Jackson (FDDH53D@prodigy.com).  
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=169814406
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=169044692

Sometimes when I read these stories I talk back to the protagonists (inside my
head, of course).  I say things like, if you have a wife with the hottest
little ass and cunt in town who is longing to be fucked but you're too dumb to
notice it, you deserve whatever happens to you.  And if you're stupid enough to
make a bet with a super stud that he can't lay your wife - and if you do this
not one but three times - then you deserve to be relegated to a role in life of
licking the cum out of her cunt after she comes home late at night after
fucking him.  And if you're still unwilling to admit defeat and demand proof,
then you deserve to be stashed in the bathroom while the two of them are
fucking their brains out in the bedroom right where you can see them.  If you
can't get a personality that would demand a little attention from your wife,
then you don't deserve her.  Those are some of the things that I might have
said to myself while I read this story.  The title refers to how many times the
phone would ring if the guy managed to really stick it to the guy's wife.  

Ratings for "The Fourth Ring"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Lost Love" by John Dark (john_dark@anon.nymserver.com). 
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=261592535

It seems that when I held my Second Third Annual Celestial Short Story Contest,
I not only held a contest, I also helped establish a literary genre - the
500-word story with an unusual twist.  This one is this author's third "entry."
 All three have arrived after the contest was over, and all three have been
very good.

I have labeled this one "wife watching," because that's what the author wants
you to think it is.  You don't find out what the story is really about until
the last five lines.  My advice to you is to let yourself be fooled: imagine
it's a wife-watching story, and enjoy the surprise ending.  What I like about
these stories is that after the surprise I can look back and say, "Oh, yeah! 
That makes sense."

Ratings "Lost Love"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "The United Way" by Mike Hunt (MrM1ke@aol.com).  
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=255878847

Pete and Mary want to have a baby, but they can't.  To put it delicately,
Pete's gun works, but it shoots blanks.  Actually, most stories on this
newsgroup take non-pregnancy as a given, but this one uses it as a setup. 
Well, says I, what can Mike Hunt do to help Pete and Mary get pregnant in a
story entitled "The United Way"?

Yep, it's just as you thought. Mike jerks off in a cup, gives the sperm to
them, and they apply it. No doctors, no hospital, no lab tests. Just neighbors
helping neighbors. Sort of like the United Way.  What did you expect?

But alas, a more direct approach becomes necessary, but things still are not as
simple as you might think.  You can read the story for the details.

By the way, I hear NBC is planning to do "Hunter" reruns this fall.

Ratings for "The United Way"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Taking Chances" by Javahead (an217242@anon.penet.fi).  
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327366449

I came across this story in the THC archives under the enticing title "Guy
Shares His Wife with a Friend."  That title summarizes the story all right, but
it leaves out the nuances that make the story interesting.

When his wife asks him to tell her a sexy story while they make love, the man's
suggestions reveal to her that their fantasies overlap: he would like to see
her being fucked by another man, and she would like to make love to another man
while her husband watched.  These are not ordinary swingers.  At first they are
stymied when they try to bring their mutual fantasy to realization; but then
Rich, an old college friend of the husband who is obviously attracted to the
wife, comes for a visit.  They perform sex in a variety of wonderful ways; then
Rich goes home and they all live happily ever after.

This is a very good story.  The author employs a refreshing blend of
informality and literacy to tell a really hot story.  Although I found this
plot to be extremely erotic and enjoyable, I would not want to do these things
in my actual life - even if I could be assured of avoiding diseases.  The way I
value sex in my relationship with my husband, it simply does not make sense to
involve a third person.  Our relationship is necessarily possessive and
exclusive, and I cannot imagine that working with a third party - who might
accidentally become more involved with me (for example) than we had planned -
or vice versa.  Maybe some of you are stronger emotionally than my husband and
I are or maybe you have a different kind of relationship with your spouse; and
in that case this story may represent an ideal for you.  For my part, I think
there are some things that are fun to think about but just aren't worth doing
in real life.  

I have on several occasions made love to my husband in the same general area -
even adjacent beds - where another couple was making love; but we employed a
hands-off policy with regard to the other spouses.  This was wonderful.  I have
also watched others making love while my husband fondled and even made love to
me. This was wonderful.  But if we were to involve the others in our own
lovemaking, we would be running the risk of hurting someone, and that might not
be so wonderful.

That's one of the reasons I like these stories on a.s.s.  I can read and enjoy
these stories and fantasize about them and even act them out with my husband. 
There's no risk that anyone will be hurt.  On the other hand, if I were to hit
the chat lines and present myself falsely to someone else, then there would be
a chance that something would develop that would hurt me, that person, our
spouses, or our children.  It's not worth the risk.

I don't mean to give a moral lecture or to try to talk anyone out of chat
lines, cybersex, threesomes, or anything else.  We all have to figure out
what's right and good for ourselves.  I'm just singing the praises of stories
like this one.  They offer a low-risk environment for enriching our own lives.

When I first opened this story, I thought "I've read this story before!"; but a
quick check of my database revealed that I had reviewed five stories by this
author (none with a rating below 9, incidentally); but none with the word
"Chances" in the title.  But I KNEW I had read the story.  As I looked at the
first line - "Tell me a story...." - I assumed that the husband would tell the
wife a really sexy story that would lead to really sexy sex that kind of mixed
in with the really sexy sex in the really sexy story.  That wasn't quite
accurate for the present story.  To make my own long story short, I checked all
five of the Javahead stories, and none of them matched the present story.  Then
I tried popping "Tell Me a Story" into my database.  Voila!  A match!  I had
the culprit.  But no, "Tell Me a Story" was written by Smoot2.  It had a
similar story line; but it was clearly a distinct story.  In fact it was rated
number 30 on my list of the Top Hundred Stories of 1995.  Although Smoot2 may
have been influenced by Javahead, these were two separate creative endeavors,
not duplication or plagiarism.

Ratings for "Taking Chances"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Watching You Watching Me" by Gregarious (gregarious@poboxes.com).  
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=231338327

The woman moves from Texas to Boston to be with her lover, and she finds the
winter to be a real burden.  Then one day he comes home with tickets to Costa
Rica.  Anything would be better than two more weeks of gray snow, but the
delights of Central America are amplified by the presence of another couple. 
First the woman shows off her amorous abilities on the plane in the presence of
the other couple.  Then she discovers that they are in the same resort, and she
spies on them while they make love.  All this leads to hot sex with her own
lover.  It's very sexy stuff!

Ratings for "Watching You Watching Me"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "The Photographer" by Mike Hunt (BannerBoy1@aol.com).  
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=226084466
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=226086282
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=226086341

The guy is a high-quality amateur photographer, and his neighbor asks him to
take some glamour shots of his lovely wife.  It seems that the wife is a bit
shy and that she found it hard - er, difficult - to be sexy around the last
photographer, who was a bit of a geek.  Our friendly hero is certainly not a
geek - just a conscientious photographer who wants to do a good job and who
happens to get a hard-on while applying the makeup to various hills and valleys
while preparing the subject for the session.  When the makeup doesn't blend
properly with the blush brush, he finds it necessary to work it in with his
fingers. A guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do.  And so when hubby leaves to
run out and get the third bottle of wine, our hero comes to the sudden
realization that there might be another way to loosen up his shy, demure
neighbor in order to help her strike those sexy poses that her husband so
desperately wants.  Indeed, once she gets the guys to take their clothes off,
the wife isn't really all that bashful anymore.

Of course, makeup has to be applied for the beaver shots as well.  Why do guys
call a picture that reveals a girl's pussy a beaver shot?  Dammed if I know! 
{Note: You have to read the spelling of the word "dammed" in the previous
sentence carefully in order to derive satisfaction from this very clever pun.}
Eventually the application of the makeup (a white creamy mixture) gets a bit
out of hand, if you know what I mean.  In the end <g> they decide that another
session might be necessary.

Ratings for "The Photographer"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Third Cave" by Anonymous.  
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=426117444

This is another one of the "A+ Stories" that I mentioned last week.  It's
another good one.

Three men and a woman go spelunking.  This term refers not to just walking
through caves, but getting down and dirty while going places where few humans
have ever gone.  I have visited caves and have even made love in total darkness
in one, but I did not have to rappel or crawl several hundred yards, and so I
am not a spelunker.  I thought you might want to know that.  Anyway, the wife
gets separated from the husband and has some great sex, first with one of the
other guys and then with both of them.  I don't recommend this sort of thing -
spelunking, that is - unless you really know what you're doing.

The author does an excellent job of setting up the ambiance, and the action in
the second sex scene is especially hot.

Ratings for "Third Cave"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "John's Fantasy" by DJ (103666.3074@compuserve.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=179530887

{DJ is the Artist Formerly Known as DJ810.  In the future, I shall refer to
this author as DJ, unless the name is changed again - in which case I shall
then refer to this author as the Artist Formerly Known as DJ.}   

Dana and her husband John are at a party, where she overhears the most handsome
man she has ever seen say that he doesn't believe there are any real masochists
in the world. He says he has never known a man that could transform pain into
sexual pleasure, but he has known women who have accepted it because they loved
their tormentors more than they hated the pain. He also adds that he doesn't
believe there are any husbands that enjoy seeing or knowing that their wife is
with another man. There's a third popular conception in which he doesn't
believe, but he declines to mention that one in mixed company.

So here's the setup.  Dana loves John (as the scenes after the party amply
demonstrate).  John's Great Fantasy entails Dana having sex with another man. 
Dana would like to do it with the Handsome Guy, which would fulfill John's
fantasy; but the Handsome Guy specifically denies that John (if he exists)
would really like this.  Dana makes a date with the Handsome Guy; and when she
tries to wiggle out of it, John encourages her to keep the date.  She keeps the
date.  You'll have to read the story to see what happens next.

I see Rene Descartes somewhere behind this story, but it's kind of hard to
explain.  Also, although I think it's possible to build up a "natural law"
argument against the morality or psychological soundness of masochism,
wife-swapping, and the unnamed third sin, it's patently absurd to say that
there are no people who enjoy these activities.  That would be like arguing
that none of Pavlov's dogs salivated at the sound of bells or metronomes or
whatever.  It would be possible to argue that people who enjoy these behaviors
are confused or that they "shouldn't" do these things; but the obvious fact is
that these people do exist.  To argue that these people don't exist is about as
silly as to suggest that _everybody_ enjoys pain or wife swapping - which, of
course, is the idea behind most of the bdsm and wife-watching stories posted
with this newsgroup.  Hmmmm....

Ratings for "John's Fantasy"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* Attraction" by Mary Ann Mohanraj (moh2@midway.uchicago.edu). 
http://www.scarletletters.com/nov98/f_attraction.html

Attraction is composed of desire and danger.  This theory is not unique to
sexual behavior.  In my education classes at the University I learned that
people are motivated to work hardest when they are uncertain that they will
achieve their goal.  In other words, my students won't work hard if they think
what I'm teaching is absurdly easy or absurdly difficult.  Virtus stat in
medio. Attraction is composed of desire and danger.  That's why one of the
ladies in this story is willing to surrender herself completely to a guy with a
whip.  It's also why the other lady feels really ambivalent about her friend's
relationship.

I don't have any friends that I know of who wear a collar around their neck to
symbolize that they are somebody's sex slave.  Tattoos, yes; but collars, no. 
Not even among the students in my classes do I see this symbol of sexual
subservience; but that's probably because the assistant principal in charge of
discipline has banned them along with various NBA jackets and wearing baseball
hats backwards as gang signs.  Some poor girl is probably getting a double
beating from her Master because this misguided bastard won't let her wear her
collar because he thinks it's a gang symbol!

My closest friend with anything like a slave collar was a nun I knew fifteen
years ago.  She wore a medieval costume to show that she loved God.  She even
talked about being a slave of the Virgin Mary; but now she says it was that
kind of crap that drove her out of the convent.  She stopped wearing the
costume, and now she shows that she loves God by having a great sex life with
the ex-priest she's married to (actually, HE did wear a symbolic collar - and
for a reason strangely parallel to the sex slave) and by raising three kids
that they have adopted besides the two of their own. Attraction is composed of
desire and danger.  I apologize if this paragraph offended any of the many nuns
or Amish people who follow this newsgroup.

This well-written story does an excellent job of describing feelings similar to
my own ambivalence about bdsm relationships.

Ratings for "Attraction"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5


<end>
