Celestial Reviews 10 - August 9, 1995 - by Celeste

Note:  It's amazing how time flies.  I have now written ten sets of 
these reviews and have received numerous requests for back issues.  I 
cannot meet all those requests separately, and so I am reposting all 
ten of these on alt.sex.stories.d.  I have also update the FAQ.  If 
anyone has creative suggestions on how to improve these reviews, please 
let me know. - Celeste

      "Home Improvement: Hot Tub Hijinks" by Jay-P. (Teen 
           celebrity sex) 8
      "Home Improvement: Molly's Muff" by Jay-P. (Adolescent's
           dream comes true) 8
      "Mayberry" by Richard Dale. (Celebrity Sex) 9
      "Once You're Rubbed" by Amy (Romance) 8
      "Once You're Rubbed by Amy" by Backrub (Romance) 10 
      "Double Trouble" by Randu (Sex with 9-year olds) 10
      "The Orphanage" by Bruce Bramson (Male-male 
           adolescents) 9 
      "Clubhouse" by Magic Wand (Adolescent boys sex) 8
      "Tammy in the Rain" by Tammy Ng (Hot sex letters) 10
      "Tales of the Seeding" by Woolstonecraft(Primitive sex 
           rituals) 10
      "The Divine Gift" by Woolstonecraft (sex in church!) 10

"Home Improvement: Hot Tub Hijinks" by Jay-P.  As I've said before, I 
enjoy sex stories about fictional celebrities, because they make it 
possible to actually picture the persons involved, without doing any 
real harm to anyone.  In this story we can picture Randy and Brad 
Taylor (sons of Tim the Tool Man and his wife Jill) fooling around with 
their little girlfriends in the hot tub while their parents are away.  
By knowing something more about the personalities of Randy and Brad 
from the television series, I was easily able to apply this additional 
information to the story and enjoy it more.  A nice story.  (Rating: 8)

"Home Improvement: Molly's Muff" by Jay-P.  I normally get turned off 
at the very idea of an older woman seducing a little child; but this 
one really does sound like a 12-year-old kid's dream.  And besides, 
they wear seat belts when they drive to the hotel.

One piece of irony:  The woman in the story says that she knew Randy 
was not really 32 years old (as he claimed on the BBS), because he made 
spelling mistakes that would get past a spellcheck - like "their" for 
"there" - but which an older person would notice  A few paragraphs 
later, Randy notes that "her cunt was harrier" - instead of "hairier."  
You can look that one up in your unabridged Funk & Wagnalls.

Now that I've convinced you I have a college education, I'll return to 
the story.  It was well written and enjoyable.   They had four orgasms 
apiece in about 45 minutes.  (Rating: 8)

"Mayberry" by Richard Dale.  Four chapters were posted recently.  In 
the first chapter, Sheriff Andy Taylor makes it in the squad car with 
his insatiable girlfriend Helen, who is "just about the finest piece of 
ass this side of Pumpkin Center!  It shorely brings a smahl to my face, 
yes it duz."  In later chapters, we can read about other characters 
from the series engaging in sexual acrobatics.  We even discover that 
Aunt Bea's friend Clara is the town exhibitionist.  The sex isn't as 
hot in these stories as in the Home Improvement series, but I think the 
author does a more clever job of relating the stories to the original 
television series.  The metaphors even sound like the ones Andy and the 
gang would have used themselves: "It felt like he shot enough {cum} to 
fill up a box of night crawlers -- the double-size box of the big juicy 
kind that Goober sold down to the gas station." However, we never do 
find out why a nice guy like Andy would name his son Opie. (Rating: 9)

"Once You're Rubbed" by Amy.  I vaguely remember seeing this story 
posted in a.s.s.  As I recall, I glanced at it, noticed it was 
unfinished, and decided not to bother to download it.  Big mistake!  
About an hour ago I received via e-mail a copy of this story from 
Backrub, along with his official notification that he intended to 
repost "Once You're Rubbed by Amy," which is a follow-up to this story.  
Big break!  So I read this story, and it's excellent.  It's basically a 
slow build-up for a big climax.  It does a beautiful job of expressing 
the magic and insecurity of first meetings, of the beginnings of 
relationships.  I found myself laughing and recalling experiences from 
my own life.  The build-up itself is not devoid of sex; but its sexy in 
the sense that you just know something is going to happen, because the 
chemistry is right to begin with and it gets better as the story goes 
along.  The only flaw with this story (and it's a big one) is that it's 
unfinished.  It just plain stops before the climax.  But Backrub solved 
that problem with the next story.  (Rating: 8)

"Once You're Rubbed by Amy" by Backrub.  This story finishes the 
previous story.  In doing so, it retells the entire story from the 
man's point of view.  Since a massage plays a pivotal role in this 
story, it is a story by Backrub about a backrub!  I myself think the 
present story can stand alone, even if readers have not seen the 
previous story; but Backrub himself thinks that the two stories should 
be read together.  Backrub also wrote "Across the Catty Corner," a 
follow-up to Sue's "Catty Corner."  I reviewed those two stories in 
Celestial Reviews 9.  I truly believe that the Catty Corner Combination 
was better than this set, but this is still an excellent, romantic, and 
sexy story.  (Rating: 10).

"Double Trouble" by Randu.  To understand and enjoy this story, it is 
important to realize that it is science fiction.  If readers don't 
understand the rules of this imaginary world, the story comes across as 
sheer nonsense or as advice to do things that are threatening to 
children.  As part of the author's literary style, the rules of this 
imaginary world are not stated up front; rather they become obvious as 
the story unfolds.. However, I don't think I am ruining the story by 
telling you these rules.  Here they are.  The main characters in this 
story live in a world where the following changes are made in the laws 
governing human nature: (1) One twin is able to communicate through 
mental telepathy, even across great distances.  He can tune into other 
people's brain waves pretty much at will; and they can communicate 
reciprocally with him, if he wants this to happen.  (2)  The other twin 
has extraordinary powers of empathy.  He can understand the emotions of 
other people better than those persons can themselves - but only if he 
is in their immediate presence.  (3)  At least one adult authority 
figure (the narrator of the story) can engage in sexual intimacies with 
9-year-old children without any negative side effects whatsoever.  In 
all other respects, their world closely resembles that of Western 
civilization around the end of the 20th century.  Reputable scientists 
would deny the validity of all three of these premises; but once we 
assume that they are true in this imaginary world, we have a pretty 
interesting story.

The story is well written.  The author writes with an obvious 
admiration for and understanding of many of the joys of childhood - not 
just sex with children.  The narrator comes across as a mixture of an 
adult who is still a child and a dysfunctional man who cannot relate to 
little boys without focusing on the beauty of their tight little asses 
and longing to have sex with them.  In normal society this person would 
perhaps be dangerous, but in this imaginary world he provides the basis 
for interesting complications that go well beyond ordinary pedophile 
stories.  These complexities build around the question of how an adult 
who is attracted to them would interact with a pair of children whose 
psychic powers have enabled them to achieve an unusual combination of 
sexual maturity and innocence.

I'm sure there are flaws in the logic of this story, just like there 
are flaws in most good science fiction involving children, including 
Peter Pan, E.T, and the various time travel movies.; but these flaws 
occur largely because of the complexity imposed by the three rule 
changes.  It's just plain hard to imagine a world like this - largely 
because most reasonable people have see legitimate dangers in ordinary 
pedophile behavior.  The third rule requires that we temporarily cancel 
in our minds one of the main taboos of our society - a taboo that 
nearly all social scientists would say has a great deal of validity 
behind it.  In other words, to enjoy this story, it is necessary to 
suspend reality enough to believe this all could really happen and to 
read the story without automatically asserting that this is the way 
that children "should" or "should not" grow up in the real world.  If 
you do this, you'll find a good story.  If you read it as a "really 
great tale about how this old guy screwed a couple of children," it's a 
pretty weak story. (Rating: 10)

"The Orphanage" by Bruce Bramson.  This story is about sex between 
adults and children in an orphanage where all the children and adults 
are males.  However, that does not mean that only gay men or pedophiles 
will enjoy this story.  I am neither of the above, but I liked this 
story.  Let me explain.

As you may know by now, I believe that sexual works best when it is a 
way to express love and related romantic feelings.  I realize that this 
isn't always the way sex is used in real life; and I can enjoy stories 
and movies in which even rape, degradation, or exploitation become part 
of a plot (just as murder can be part of a good story, although I abhor 
murder).  The type of stories that I find to be unrealistic and 
annoying are those that defy reality; for example, stories that suggest 
that women generally like to be raped or degraded sexually or that 
imply that there is something admirable about men who brutally degrade 
women (or vice versa).  Usually this means that I most thoroughly enjoy 
(1) descriptions of sexual activity between consenting adults or 
emerging adolescents and (2) stories in which otherwise unpleasant 
sexual activity contributes to a worthwhile plot (much the way a murder 
contributes to the plot of a story in which someone discovers "who done 
it" or the way ripping a guy's head off contributes to the plot in 
"Speed," which I saw and enjoyed last night).

In addition, in the time that I have been writing these reviews I have 
discovered that not only can I sometimes tolerate exploitation and 
degradation - under the right circumstances I can actually enjoy 
stories with these as their main focus.  Specifically, I have found 
that I can enjoy sexual content that would otherwise be a turn-off if  
(1) the story is science fiction (where the rules of the author's world 
define actions and emotions differently than in the real world), (2) 
the victim in the story is really repulsive and deserves to be 
mistreated, or (3) the story is well-designed satire.  In other words, 
if degradation or exploitation serves a purpose other than merely 
promoting itself, then it may contribute to a good story.

The present story is extremely well written.  I definitely do not get 
the impression that the author believes that society would function 
better if more children were put in orphanages that were run the way 
this one is run.  The action flows nicely, and the narrator relates the 
tale from an interesting viewpoint.  From my perspective it shifts from 
being utterly repulsive to being a good story through the third 
criterion in the preceding paragraph - it is excellent satire.  I don't 
want to tell you what it satirizes: that would ruin the the story for 
you.  Suffice it to say that the person who sent me this story claimed 
that it offered a wry social commentary; and I think the author did a 
good job of it.  (Rating: 9)

"Clubhouse" by Magic Wand.  A bunch of young adolescent boys get 
together in a clubhouse and look at dirty pictures.  They also jerk 
off, mutually masturbate, and one of the boys gives another a blow job.  
I honestly cannot tell you how realistic this is, but it sounded 
plausible.  Magic Wand has recently posted eight of these short 
stories, all with the acronym MWACS (Magic Wand's Anthology of 
Childhood Sexuality) in the title line.  They sound promising.  
(Rating: 8)

"Tammy in the Rain" by Tammy Ng.  This is a long letter from Tammy to 
her sister Deidre, complaining about what an awful time she had cat-
sitting for a creature that is variously called psycho-demoncat, Hell 
Spawn of Azathoth, and chastity cat (because it made any kind of sex 
life impossible).  Sounds boring, doesn't it?  Well, I guess I left out 
the part where Tammy reminisces about the time she and her boyfriend 
loaned their apartment to a horny couple and then made passionate love 
themselves as soon as their friends got out the front door.  Maybe I 
also left out the part about them making love against a wall on the 
roof while the rain poured down on them during a late night 
thunderstorm, with her screams of sexual ecstasy drowned out by the 
roaring thunder.  Perhaps you had better read the story yourself to see 
what else I left out while I was fascinated with that damned cat.

I'll repeat what I said in CR 9: a lot of readers don't even know of 
the existence of the Ng Sisters.  Please, you Ngs, put your name in the 
title line somewhere so that your fans can find your writing.  This 
stuff is excellent!  (Rating: 10)

"Tales of the Seeding" by Woolstonecraft.  This is a set of narratives 
from different perspectives of people who are extremely unsophisticated 
in their sexual knowledge.  We could be dealing with cave dwellers, 
with people on a remote island not yet conquered by "civilized people," 
or with aliens whose sexual accoutrements resemble those of humans.  
What is fascinating is that the descriptions all refer to sex 
(sometimes in very graphic terms) without ever using either the formal 
(intercourse, vagina, etc.) or informal (fuck, cunt, etc.) terminology 
that we normally encounter in such stories.  The author does an amazing 
job - I caught only one mistake, where the author used the word "come" 
to describe an orgasm.  In addition to playing with words, the author 
does an excellent job of building anticipation and creating a mood of 
mystery.  I loved it.  This is a really creative, ingenious story. 
(Rating: 10)

"The Divine Gift" by Woolstonecraft.  In this story a sad, neglected 
bride tells the priest in the confessional that her husband has had 
oral and anal sex with her, but will not do it properly, so that she 
can bring forth the children that God desires her to have.  The priest 
locks up the church and solves the problem for her, right there on the 
alter.  This may sound a bit irreverent, but the author does throw in a 
few good prayers.  But, what the hell, we're already dealing with 
pornography; so what's a little sacrilege?

Actually, of course, it is sacrilegious to do what the priest did; but 
I don't find this kind of story to be religiously offensive. I don't 
think it's a good idea for a priest to take a woman from the 
confessional and screw her on the altar, nor do I think it happens very 
often.  On the other hand, I think this makes for a good story.  I 
don't think most priests, ministers, or rabbis act this way; but I 
think it makes for a good story.  (Rating: 8)
