
Celestial Reviews 271 - April 1, 1998

Note: A traveling salesman is in a small town in the midwest, when his trip is
suddenly prolonged for an extra month. He was already getting bored there and
over the course of the extra month he has become very homesick.

Finally, he decides to give in to temptation and visit the local brothel. He
walks up to the madam, hands her a hundred dollars, and says, "Give me the
worst blowjob in town."

The madam says, "For this kind of money, you can have the BEST blowjob." 

"No, no," says the man, "You don't understand. I'm not horny. I'm homesick."

Second note: Did you hear about the fellow who was talking to his buddy, and
he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday.  She  has
everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm
stumped."
  
His buddy said, "I have an idea.  Why don't you make up a certificate that
says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it.  She'll
probably be thrilled!"  So the first fella did just that.

The next day his buddy asked, "Well, did you take my suggestion?  How'd it
turn out?"

"She loved it.  She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out
the door yelling -- I'll see you in two hours!"

Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.

- Celeste

      "Mint in Your Throat" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (rape)
            10, 9, 9
(See Mary Anne's website at http://www.iam.com/maryanne)

      "Feeding the Fishes" by Bronwen (spring orgy) 10, 9, 9
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=336878951

      "Greenseleves" by Thomas M. Carvett (incest) 10, 10, 10
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=332775859

      "Smile" by Ed Miller (TG) 8, 6, 5
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=336298090

      "Angel" by Fatboy (bar pick-up) 5, 4, 4
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=338490549

      "Blow Job" by Bluelady (poetic blowjob) 10, 10, 10
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=338452186

      "Ladies Room" by Bluelady (poetic quickie) 10, 10, 10
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=338930135

      "Masturbation" by Sonya Philip (poetic masturbation)
            10, 9, 9
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=338066740

      "Fever Dreams" by A Magician (poetic romance) 10, 9, 9
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=339146116

      "Broadway Limited" by FlyingPen (sex on a train) 10, 10, 10
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=338920122

      "Going Native" by Taria (hibiscus in heat) 10, 9, 9
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=338930124

Guest Reviews:

      "Bound for Glory" by Phil Phantom (religious pedophilia) 9, 6, 5
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=322998489  01
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=322998543  02
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=322998496  03
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=322998529  04
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=322998522  05
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=322998506  06

      "Fun with Dick and Jane" by Frank McCoy (kiddy lit pedophile
            adventure) 10, 6, 6 {or} 10, 3, 4
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=337757271

      "The Subway" by Pr (exhibitionism) 9.0, 8.0, 8.5
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=337771795 

      "Temporarily" by Adrian Hunter (nonconsensual bdsm) 7, 9, 7
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=338566613

      "One Favor" by S. Leigh Farmer (complex TG) 10, 10, 10
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=282548414  01
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=279771917  02
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=279897792  03
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=279891067  04
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=281813475  05
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=320440676  06-09
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=320440642  10-13
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=281764386  14
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=281768723  15
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=280905184  16
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=280542376  17
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=281764431  18

      "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" by G Smith (spring orgy) 9.5
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=339211728

      "Breakfast" by Storysman (breast fixation) 9, 8, 10
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=339211711

      "Dream A Little Dream" by Hawk Richards (masturbatory 
            foreplay) 10, 10, 10
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=338467927

Reposted Reviews:

    * "Ten Dollar Fine" or "You Ain't Never Gon' Forget" by
            Wollstonecraft (rape) 10, 10, 9
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=338649485

    * "Deck" by Tom Bombadil (voyeurism & sex slavery) 10, 10, 9
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=338920116

    * "Tryout" by Friar Dave (threeways & moreways) 10, 10, 10
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=315416171 1-5 (*)
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=315416197 6-10
(*) Repost not by author.

    * "The Attic" by Jennifer (sex in the library) 9, 8, 8
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=338920114 (*)
(*) Repost not by author.

    * "April's First" by Uther Pendragon (sexy memories & romance)
            10, 10, 10
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=339824193 
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=309129476

========================
On this day in Celestial History..
          Celestial Reviews #74 - Mar 30, 1996
========================

     * "Magic" by D.A. Ignatius (romance & adventure) 10, 10, 10
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=240147636 (*)
(*) Repost not by author.

     * "Pat Considers" by Mark Aster 10,10,10
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=180286340

* = Repost of previous review (because the story has recently been
      reposted)

"Mint in Your Throat" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (moh2@rainbow.uchicago.edu). This
author's stories are archived at http://www.iam.com/maryanne.  I have to be
careful how often I use the next paragraph.  If I use it too often, my readers
are going to begin to think I don't really read the stories I review.  If
that's not the case, I'm going to start wishing I had used this paragraph more
often on college exams, when I couldn't remember what the story or poem was
about.

Anyway, this is a good story, but I don't want to tell you much about it.
Most of the fun is in discovering the details for yourself.

I'll just say that a woman is pulled into an alley by an inept rapist and then
convinces him that she is a hooker and charges him for the sex.  For the rest,
you'll have to read the story.

Ratings for "Mint in Your Throat"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Feeding the Fishes" by Bronwen (bronwen@anon.nymserver.com).  In a sense this
story doesn't make sense, but in another sense it makes sensible sense,
because with your senses you can almost sense Bronwen's sensitive sense of
innocence being mixed with the incense of the sensuous while she senses
herself being nibbled by fish and covered with chocolate and surrounded by
other insensate sensations on this sensational island.

I always wanted to write one sentence in a review that really appealed to the
senses, and I think that one was it!

This is another story in Malinov's Spring Orgy.  I can't possibly summarize
them all in detail.  This one is another good one.

Ratings for "Feeding the Fishes"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Greenseleves" by Thomas M. Carvett (ck29@anon.nymserver.com).  The narrator's
father, an immigrant to America from Indonesia, died when she was young. In
the months that followed his death, she could not remember a single act of his
love towards her.  She did not shed a single tear at his funeral.  All she
could remember was how he allowed her just six hours every week to enjoy
herself when she was still a child; the rest of the time she was to study and
work.  And to serve as his sexual surrogate for his wife, who had died several
years previously.

The story's brief focus is on the impact of that incestuous relationship on
the rest of the child's life.  The title comes from the name of the first song
her father used to play for her, even before she was born, in the hope that
she would some day become a great pianist.  Ironically, the words of this
famous song were directly descriptive of her eventual relationship with her
father.

Ratings for "Greenseleves"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Smile" by Ed Miller (zxcvbnm21@hotmail.com).  The narrator has been rude to
his girlfriend.  Since she is a real witch, she gets even by turning him into
a woman.  Tina's goal is to humiliate the narrator, and she does a pretty good
job.  Our narrator eventually becomes an unhappy slut.

TG stories have the potential to explore the feelings and experiences of the
opposite sex from a unique perspective.  This one falls short.  It's basically
a change-sex-and-fuck story.  

Ratings for "Smile"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5

"Angel" by Fatboy (Fatboy@camel19.mindspring.com).  This story represents an
inarticulate incarnation of the bar-goers dream.  The guy is in a bar and sees
a girl, she locks eyes with him, and they leave the bar together and fuck
their brains out.  For a more articulate version, either read my summary in
the preceding sentence or listen to a country-western song about what happens
down at the honky tonk when a guy meets one of them angels who are really
tigers in tight fittin' jeans.

Ratings for "Angel"
Athena (technical quality): 5
Venus (plot & character): 4
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4

"Blow Job" by Bluelady (Bluelady16@aol.com).  Every year I give my students an
assignment to write a poem that they will read aloud to the class.  My
greatest fear is that someday one of my students will write a poem like this
one.  I'll have to give it an A; but then I'll have to deal with the school
board.

Evaluating poetry in detail would take me beyond the scope of these reviews.
I'll just say that one of the purposes of poetry is to convey emotion, and
this poem certainly does that!

Come to think of it, I'm safe in my English class.  My students are big on
limericks; and I tell them to sit down as soon as I hear the word "Nantucket."

Ratings for "Blow Job"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Ladies Room" by Bluelady (Bluelady16@aol.com).  My interest piqued by the
previous poem, I decided to see what else this author has written.  I hereby
proclaim Bluelady to be poet laureate of a.s.s.

Again, I decline to get into the task of analyzing poetry in detail in these
reviews; but the main task of a poet is to convey images and emotions in a way
that would normally be impossible in prose. This poem wonderfully conveys
emotion and intensity as two people come together for a quickie in a ladies'
room.

This is the sort of poem I'd like to be able to make available to my dumb
jocks who insist that poetry is a waste of time.  "Here!" I'd like to say,
"Read this without displaying any phallic disturbance, and I'll give you an A
on the poetry test."

Ratings for "Ladies Room"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Masturbation" by Sonya Philip (sonyap@cats.ucsc.edu).  Well, in for an inch,
in for a pound - or something like that.  Somebody seems to be promoting
poetry in this newsgroup this week.

You'll never guess what this poem is about.

The imagery and intensity of this poem are not comparable to Bluelady's poems
(reviewed above).  Instead, this one invokes images from the world of music to
make masturbation sound really interesting - in case you need help in that
regard.

Ratings for "Masturbation"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Fever Dreams" by A Magician (a-magician@mailcity.com).  Simply labeled
"Poetry for Review," this set of poems included "Love Letters," "Midnight
Blue," "You Don't Know," "Coming Back" and "Endless Memory."

If you're even minimally inclined to enjoy poetry, you should take a look at
these as well as at the previous sets of poems.  These poems go well beyond
versification (greeting-card verses) and get into the effective use of imagery
to express sincere emotions.  Take a look for yourself.

Ratings for "Fever Dreams"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Broadway Limited" by FlyingPen (reposted by john_dark@anon.nymserver.com).
Amy is a teenager riding the train with her father in a blizzard, which has
slowed the train down considerably and added to Amy's general ennui.  Her
father gets drunk and leaves her with the narrator, who takes her to his room
on the train to loan her a book.

Well, he does eventually loan her the book; but in the interim they fuck each
other's brains out.  This is one of those things that grown men shouldn't do
to "innocent" teenagers; but it certainly is an interesting fantasy.  Pretty
hot stuff!

Ratings for "Broadway Limited"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Going Native" by Taria (tariat@aol.com).  Taria, a disconsolate hibiscus from
New York, has joined  Malinov's spring break cruise and has somehow lost the
boat - er, ship, I think.  Alas, and not politically correct, she's beset by
the onset of PMS. Sex is simply not going to be on her agenda for the next
week.

Yeah, right.  And Kim will join a cloistered convent.

Anyway, Taria comes out of her doldrums when she finds her Island Paradise and
a Mystery Man.  Taria bridges the cultural gap with this Polynesian dude with
the universal phrase, "Eat me!"

The Polynesian Mystery Man is not really from Polynesia.  However, a major
part of the fun of this story is the gradual revelation of his identity.  This
is another enjoyable episode from Malinov's orgy.

Remember: the stories in the Malinov's Orgy series are of interest primarily
to people who know something about a.s.s. and its authors.  If that
description does not fit you, you should read several stories by some of the
major authors around these parts before you read this or the other Orgy
stories.  You'll enjoy this homework assignment.

Ratings for "Going Native"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Bound for Glory" by Phil Phantom. Guest Review by Theodore Spoonbender
(Theodore@spoonbender.demon.co.uk).

My first impression with this story was that I was going to have to seriously
suspend my disbelief in order to get through it. It was not that it was badly
written - far from it; but the characters did seem to leave a little to be
desired in terms of credibility. Fundamentally religious women do not, as a
general rule, leave their virginal daughters with serial gropists, with
improbable names and even more improbable manners, even if these men do
preface their name with the title  'Reverend'.  As it turned out, the daughter
had an imagination that many ASS writers would give their eye teeth for and a
libido to match. How she had remained a virgin up to that point, with drives
like that, was beyond imagining.

Once the floodgates had broken, so to speak, she explored her new-found
sexuality with the gusto of a true born-again believer. So much so that she
managed to embroil her mother in the evil machinations of the Reverend
Cunnylicker.

I found this story to be good in parts, and there were  places where I felt
the story was starting to quicken my pulse only to have it veer off into the
improbable again. 

I'm awarding low marks because, I'm afraid, I found it tedious beyond belief
at times. Sorry.

Ratings for "Bound for Glory"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 6
Spoonbender (appeal to reviewer): 5

"Fun with Dick and Jane" by Frank McCoy (mccoyf@millcomm.com).  Guest Review
by R'khaan.

Of all the stories I've read by Frank, this one was kinda cute.  It begins
innocently enough with Jane asking her mother a "typical" kid question.
However, with atypical parental style, Mom answers the question by introducing
her daughter to an off-center version of the classic book most of us grew up
with.  What happens between the D&J text is well-written in Frank's usual
style, as seen when Jane, tired of reading and masturbating, sets the book
aside to go jump her brother's bones.

Ratings for "Fun with Dick and Jane"
R'khaan (technical quality): 10
R'khaan  (plot & character): 6
R'khaan (appeal to reviewer): 6

"Fun With Dick and Jane" by Frank McCoy (mccoyf@millcomm.com).  Guest review
by Stephen Peters (sxjames@aol.com).

You know the old saying that goes: "I only read Playboy for the articles"?
Well, at the risk of receiving the same derisive laugh I can honestly say I
read Frank McCoy's stories not so much for arousal as for the assumption-
bending fantasy world he creates.  It's a place of utterly guilt free sex,
complete with memorable characters, humor and even a bit of satire.  And, when
it work, it *works*.  To this day "The Pedophile" -- Frank's skewed (and
hilarious) version of a slightly(?) naive woman out to get her man -- remains
high on my personal favorites list.  However, this time out Frank doesn't so
much write a story as he tells a joke.  A long, long adolescent joke. 

As the title suggests, this story revolves around a take off of the old "Dick
and Jane" reading primers that were (until the late sixties) used to teach
basic reading in public elementary schools.  With their simple two or three
word sentences and constant repetition they were as boring as all get out --
but they did teach kids to read.  Of course,  even in the real world the
primers taught much more than reading.  As  the author rightly points out:

  "Miranda admired the way the book managed not only to teach 
   reading, but loving, fairness, reciprocation, respect for your 
   parents, sex, and family values, all in two small volumes.  The 
   woman had never realized until now how much books like these 
   helped instill community values and morals in children, by 
   showing them what was considered normal in the community."

You can guess what kind of 'community values and morals' this author has in
mind.  At any rate, after Jane (Miranda's daughter) asks why a man's penis is
named after her brother 'Dick' (one cannot accuse the author of lacking a
sense of humor) Miranda dusts off her set of reading primers.  Low and behold,
it's a version of "Dick and Jane" (complete with IMAGINARY watercolor
illustration and the trademark two or three word sentences) that teaches the
little ones the joys of incestuous kiddie-sex.  And, for most of the rest of
the story, the reader looks over Jane's shoulder as she reads them. 

I'm sure that while writing this little tale Frank was laughing all the way.
And I must admit that the thought of a first grade reader featuring kids that
put their hands down each others pants got a chuckle out of me...for the first
few pages.  But it goes on.  And on.  And on.  As a joke for adolescent boys
this is great stuff.  In fact, I would lay odds that at this very moment a
bunch of ten year old boys are sitting around a bed or campfire or kitchen
table somewhere telling bathroom jokes and snickering over the thought of Dick
fucking Jane.  I know *I* did when I was that age (note however -- I wasn't
imaginative enough to include Spot.  Oh well).  As a full fledged sex story
however, it just doesn't make it.  To be fair I'm pretty sure that the author
did not intend this to be a serious piece of erotica, and if I were into
little girls getting pregnant I suspect this tale would have more appeal.  But
for this reader "Dick and Jane" is basically a juvenile joke that I long ago
got my laugh from.

  -- Numbers mean nothing without context, read the review --

Technical Quality: 10 (wish *I* could write this well)
Plot and Character: 3 (not really what this story should be graded on)
Personal Enjoyment: 4 (I'm going back to read HFD) 

"The Subway" by Pr (petratsrcool@hotmail.com).  Guest review by jubjub.

Story Summary:  Sexual encounter on a subway

This is a good story.  The sex is hot but the story lasts a bit too long.  By
that I mean what appears to be a good ending point is missed. The story after
that point starts to strain credibility and I personally began to lose the
suspension of disbelief.

I didn't receive any story codes.  I would code as {MF,exhib, nc?, anal, ws}.
There are one or two other codes that could be applied but that would give
away an interesting twist to the story.  Anyway, if those codes don't squick
you, the ones I didn't mention won't, either.  There is also some racial
stereotyping but it can be ignored.

Technically, the story was very good.  The errors were minor and didn't
distract from the flow:  occasional misspellings and some lapses in tense.
The story flowed quite well.

Character and plot could stand some improvement.  The characterizations were
stereotypical but deliberately so.  The writer appeared to get a rise by
introducing racial taboos.

The subway is under repair so she expects delays.  During the trip she is felt
up by a guy behind her.  He fingers her, she gives him a handjob.  If the
story had stuck to something like that, it would have been a nice little
piece.  Unfortunately, the author seemed to get wound up and the sex act went
over the edge when the train was stopped and the lights went out.  There was
no way she could orgasm six times (and he three times) without attracting
attention.  This is also when the anal and watersports come in.  As I said
earlier, suspension of disbelief was hard to maintain toward the end.

Overall, I would recommend this story for those looking for something kinky
and light.

Ratings for "The Subway"
Technical:  9.0  Well written story with only minor errors
Characterization and Plot:  8.0  Quite good, but last part of story 
      could have been cut.
Appeal:  8.5  I had a little problem with suspension of disbelief 
      toward the end.

"Temporarily" by Adrian Hunter (begonespam@aol.com).  Guest review by Nick.

This is coded as a bdsm story, but probably ought to include the fact that its
nc too. In fact not only does the "sub" not enjoy what's happening, but there
is no evidence that the "dom" gets much sexual pleasure from it either. Rather
than fear and apprehension the feelings of the sub run more along the lines of
"Oh no, not again!" Also, unlike many bdsm stories, she has no warm feelings
for her tormentor, and the plot indicates that none are likely to develop.

The story, refreshingly, has a credible plot! It is set in the New York Office
of an international company and the victim is a high-flying female executive.
The description of a high-powered teleconference which she holds while being
humiliated is a very nice touch, but to say more is to undermine the impact of
the story. 

However, it is more of a "scene setter" than anything else. Nothing, rather
disappointingly for me, is resolved in the end.

Well enough written, but I found myself reading several sentences twice to
work out what was happening. The plot was good and the characters believable.
I enjoyed the unfolding of the story, but for me it was never a "trouser
ripper"!

Ratings for "Temporarily"
Athena (technical quality) - 7
Venus (plot and character) - 9
Nick (appeal to this reviewer) - 7

"One Favor" by S. Leigh Farmer (alias@pseudo.nym.org).  Guest review by Robert
(Citizen@GalaxyCorp.com).

In light of the recent discussion on a.s.s.d. regarding the cinematic
influence in erotic (and other) writing, a review of this story seems
particularly apt.  According to the author, "One Favor" started life as a
screenplay.  Unfortunately, she was unable to find a producer willing to bid
for it and so altered the tale by adding a generous dose of hot sex and
stronger focus on the transgender theme.  I can't help but wonder how the
movie would have turned out.

Valerie is a workaholic research scientist studying the effects of intense
magnetism on living tissue.  Due to a careless bit of sexual fun, she winds up
pregnant by Barry, her husband of five months.  This sends her into a deep
depression, since she feels she's not ready for pregnancy, much less children,
what with her research and all.  She needs to put in long hours and already
feels less energetic.  What to do?

As she's dejectedly reviewing some anomalies from her lab notes, she has a
flash of inspiration.  She realizes that she has inadvertently discovered a
process to swap minds!  This gives her an idea...  Since Barry's job keeps him
mostly at home, she begs him for "one favor": to swap bodies for a few days,
just until her heavy workload eases up.  Barry reluctantly agrees.  He loves
his wife dearly, and it _is_ for the good of the baby after all.  Besides,
it's only for a few days...

This story is a great read.  It is quite long, but I got so caught up in the
plot I didn't really notice it.  Farmer provides plenty of time and a variety
of situations to get to know both Barry and Valerie well.  It is also one of
the more intelligent treatments of this type of transgendering.  Both Barry
and Valerie discover many of the joys (and complications) of being man or
woman.  As an added bonus, there's plenty of sex, well-described and very
exciting.

I also like a story that stretches my vocabulary.  I had to get out my twenty-
pound unabridged Webster's to discover what a "fourchette" is.

The ending surprised me - twice!  And to find out what _that_ means, you'll
need to read the story yourself.

Ratings for "One Favor":
Athena (technical quality): 10 (nearly perfect, maybe one or 
      two misplaced words in a 600K story!)
Venus (plot & character): 10 (plenty of time to develop both)
Citizen (appeal to reviewer): 10 (one of my favorites)

Guest Review of "Breakfast" by Storysman (Storysman@aol.com). Guest review by
BillyG (hayden@mindless.com).

In any discussion of erotica, a definition of what's "sexy" quickly bogs down
in a bottomless mire of opinions and spring-loaded emotional issues.  It's
patently clear that a review of "Breakfast" hinges on the reader's response to
any of several issues.  There are, for instance, repeated references to
'cheating,' but in spite of that, that topic remains more a straw man, put up
as an issue, but one of little substance.

One's response to this story is coupled to the emotional impact of such things
as large Asian breasts, lactating breasts, repeatedly seen in an ever more
provocative display.  We wonder briefly, will Joe again fall to the temptation
of his best friend's Asian wife, Kim?  And the answer is: Of course.  There's
no tension here.  But just how and when this happens hovers for a brief time,
almost too long.

The plot line is thin and contrived in places, but the imagery is rich and
sexy.  There's almost a Baroque richness to the picture of Kim's shadowed
decolletage, demurely offered, that speaks volumes to those women who would
take pleasure in similar actions and those men who derive intense pleasure
from the vision.  It's worth reading just for that.

Ratings for "Breakfast"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Row, Row, Row Your Boat" by G Smith (gsmith625@hotmail.com).  Guest review by
Dave Myers.  {Celestial note: I sent this story to this guest reviewer without
realizing that it was a Spring Orgy story, and he reviewed it, I think, as an
"ordinary story."  I guess that goes to show that some of these Malinov Orgy
stories are just plain good stories in their own right!}

>From the title you might be tempted to overlook this story because it appears
to be corny. Not so. In fact, the story simultaneously manages to poke fun at
a.s.s. writers, big budget movies about sinking boats, sex in public, and the
entire notion of a no-strings-attached chance encounter. All this while also
delivering on sexual heat. The author does a wonderful job of not taking
himself (I hope I'm not wrong about the gender!) too seriously. This is not
just another parody story, not just another "MF Rom" beach/oceanside fantasy,
and not just your another excuse for voyeurism and sex with a stranger while
stranded in a small rowboat after your cruise ship has sunk. Er...well, maybe
it IS the last of these things, but it's not your AVERAGE excuse for voyeurism
and sex while stranded in a small rowboat.

With playful use of dialogue, the author's narrative voice is perfect. Seeking
both refuge behind a coral reef and sexual flings with other shipwrecked
cruisegoers, his characters egg each other on with (of all things!) the up and
down tips of the boat. This idea would be stale, cliche, and corny (dare I
include "washed-up" ?) if it weren't for deft handling of the potential
pitfalls of such a wave-driven plot device. What we get is a perfect metronome
for sexual rhythm.

Apart from a little more build-up before the first moments of nakedness, the
story is missing nothing. Be sure to visit the website which points to the
entire collection of stories from which this one hails
(http://www.gslink.com/~dcain/xanadu/erotica/island/). This is an unusual,
collective "project" representing a number of noted a.s.s star writers.

Rating for "Row, Row, Row Your Boat": 9.5

"Dream A Little Dream" by Hawk Richards (hrichard@bellatlantic.net).  The
author has an archive at (http://members.aol.com/hawkrds). Guest review by
Sandman (sandman@bitsmart.com)

Short story, short review.  In this story a wife wakes up from a dream and
wakes her husband up in the process. "Have you ever had a dream that was so
intense that you...?" she asked.  That you immediately set out to seduce your
significant other perhaps? Good premise.  It's an excellent way to show that
there's life after the wedding vows (very reassuring to me somehow).  

It's nice to know there's not only life after the wedding vows but excitement
as well, as Carl's wife reminds him that women don't really need men when she
engages in a bit of very well described masturbatory foreplay that should have
every male reader (and I imagine a few female readers) panting with
anticipation.  In the end though it's nice to be reminded that men indeed have
their uses.  

This is an excellent, sexy short scene.  

Ratings for "Dream A Little Dream"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Sandman (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Ten Dollar Fine" or "You Ain't Never Gon' Forget" by Wollstonecraft
(an285729@anon.penet.fi).  As the author says in the disclaimer, this is a
_very_ ugly story, but that's how the story wanted to be written. A budding
movie star named Mary Pickford had refused to pay a ten dollar fine in a small
southern town.  She would just spend the next ten days in jail instead.  To
her horror, she realizes that she is going to be raped.  The sheriff sends
into the cell with her an unruly Black prisoner.  Not wanting to get pregnant
by him, she tries to suck him dry, while the sheriff watches; but as soon as
the blow job is finished, the guy fucks her in the cunt as well.  And then the
story gets really violent.

The author was right.  This really is an ugly but well written story.

Ratings for "Ten Dollar Fine"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

* "Deck" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com).  Each day the teenage maid next
door suns herself on the deck where she can be seen by her neighbor, who is
the female narrator of this story.  Through a series of successive
approximations that would make B.F. Skinner proud, the teenager turns the
previously heterosexual housewife next door into a lesbian sex slave.

This author has been trying to write a story in Deirdre's style.  This one
arrived accompanied by a note: "By Jove. I think I've got it."  Indeed, he HAS
got it.  Had this been posted under Deirdre's name, I would not have
questioned the authenticity of the authorship.  This is a good story; it may
even be Tom Bombadil's best imitation of Deirdre, but it is far from his best
story.  Imitating another author is a fine idea, but I think this author
writes better when he writes as himself.  I ranked his "Elizabeth &
Anastasia," which doesn't even remotely resemble the style of this story, as
one of my top 10 stories of 1996.  This one is still a very good story, but
I'm not certain of Tom's motivation in turning aside from an excellent style
to write this way.  Maybe he's doing it because it's a challenge.  Or maybe a
seductive Mistress has seized control of his mind and required him to do so.

Ratings for "Deck"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

* "April's First" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net).  I originally had
trouble finding Part 2 to this story; and I eventually went ahead and posted
my review of parts 1 and 3.  I concluded that there was no Part 2; it was an
April Fool's joke.  Get it?  The title is April's First, and the story was
posted on April 1, so....

Anyway, the real action takes place in Part 2, which didn't exist when I
posted my original review.  The author invited others to submit their versions
of Part 2.  The only author I know of who accepted this invitation was
Plainman, whose "Excluded Middle" did a superb job of integrating Plainman's
own style and his Princess story line into the framework set up by Pendragon.
{Current note: maybe Plainman would repost his "Excluded Middle" - please?}
Now Pendragon has posted his version of the missing Part 2, and the result is
another really good story.  

The story actually describes two very interesting and healthy relationships in
the life of a 16-year-old girl: her romantic relationship with her boyfriend
and her sibling relationship with her older sister.  Both relationships are
well developed, and both help make this a sexy story.

One of the best things about this story is its attention to minor details.
For example, when April agrees to make love to Brian for the first time, he
returns to his room that night and fantasizes about the big event.  Suddenly
he realizes that his room is a mess and that he doesn't want April to see it
that way, and so he straightens it up.  The author attends to details like
this in such a way that they contribute to instead of detracting from the
overall focus on the first-time experience between the two young lovers.

The story does contain some awkward grammatical structures; but this author
always revises, and I have a feeling they'll be gone in future postings of
this story.  For example, April "...wanted this waiting to end -- if even in
pain."  Those last four words are awkward; and several instances like this
really do disrupt the reader's train of thought.  Fewer readers will be
distracted (as I was) when Brian's cock peeked discretely at April, but the
distinction between discreet and discrete is worth preserving.  The story is
so good that I (like most other readers) was willing to ignore these minor
flaws, but why not write a perfect story?

Here's a further note with regard to style. Brian "could tell that she was
nervous and that her acceptance was more mental than physical."  Is that
REALLY what the author meant to say?  It seems to me that April's hesitation
is largely mental, which is the opposite of what the sentence says.  I KNOW
what the author means (I think), but when I look closely, the story sometimes
doesn't help me as much as it should.  

My students have learned that it's often a good sign when I give them a paper
back with red ink all over it.  When they look closely, they discover that the
comments are not really about mistakes - they are suggestions for making the
paper perfect.  The students often make the corrections and submit the paper
and win a state competition or something like that.  Applied to this story,
this means that although this story won't get straight 10's right now, by the
time I make my selections for the Top Stories of 1997, this is likely to be in
the Top 10.  The only problem with the story is that in this middle part the
author has focused so heavily on getting the emotions and details right that
he has let the language stand just slightly in the way of expressing this
excellent story as accurately and convincingly as possible.

If you've read none of the April stories, I suggest that you start by reading
the entire current (or the eventually revised) version of Pendragon's "April's
First" - all three parts.  Then mentally obliterate Pendragon's Part 2 from
your mind and read Plainman's version.  Remember: details will diverge,
because Plainman did not see Pendragon's Part 2 before he wrote his version,
and the authors take completely different perspectives.

Ratings for "April's First"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Tryout" by Friar Dave (friar_dave@mhbbs.com).  The reader immediately gets
immersed in the action right from the start - Jerry comes out of the shower,
finds his wife already turned on from reading a sexy magazine, starts fucking
her, has her read the magazine out loud to him, and then finishes her off.  In
her pre-Jerry life, Connie was interested in other women; and Jerry has a
liberal attitude in this regard: Be sure she's clean, don't cut THEIR time
together, and talk about it if the attachment seems to be getting more than
essentially physical.  In other words, Jerry "is able to remain sanguine in
the face of Connie's sapphic escapades."  I'd say he goes beyond sanguine to
just plain buoyant when he joins the ladies himself.  Read the story for
details.

This is really hot stuff.  It almost makes me suspect that the author delights
in the thought that maybe his readers will get turned on while they read this
story.

The only flaw in this story was that either Connie or Kim had nice "aureoles."
I guess Friar Dave wrote this story before my seminar on areolas.  However,
because I learned some interesting things about sextoys, I won't even dock him
for his misspelling of the a-word.

Ratings for "Tryout"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "The Attic" by Jennifer (krreber@ix.netcom.com).  The girl has lusted after
the guy who works in the library.  After closing time they sneak upstairs and
have sex among the stacks - in the literature section, to wit!  There's not
much to this very short story, but what's there is pretty sexy.

Ratings for "The Attic"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

* "Magic" by D.A. Ignatius (jash@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu).  This is another in the
"DarkNites" series of reposts.  The story takes place in an undefined place -
it could be in a galaxy far away; it could be in mythological times; it could
be somewhere in the world right now.  The reader starts out with the awareness
that something very vivid and very erotic is happening, but having no idea
what is really going on.  As I started to decipher the story, I thought maybe
we had a warrior queen who had been captured by a warrior king and now must
pay the price by mating with him.  But as new information became available I
had to adjust my perceptions.  It was ambiguous to me, for example, whether
Lorelei was being raped or whether she was getting what she wanted.  It was
hard to determine who was in control.

Sometimes ambiguity is bad, but sometimes it's good.  In this case the
ambiguity is deliberate, and it is good.  When I reached the end of the story,
part of my reaction was, "What was that all about?"  Often this reaction is a
sign of indignation or frustration, but this time it was evidence of
fascination.  I had to reread and rethink earlier events in terms of what I
learned from later events.  This is an interesting approach if it is carried
off effectively; and - even though I think there is room for improvement - I
think this author did a good job.

I recall reviewing one of Elf Sternberg's stories, in which he used what I'll
call a random-journal approach - that is, the story started on a page from the
narrator's fictitious journal and assumed that the reader knew what lay behind
the events described in that journal entry.  When using this approach, the
author knows perfectly well that the readers won't be able to meet this
assumption; readers will discover later in the journal entry (or even in
subsequent stories that purport to be previous or subsequent entries)
information that will make events in a particular story make better sense.
Because I stated that some readers would be agitated by the ambiguity of Elf's
style, some readers thought that I was saying that the story was badly written
in this respect.  Not true.  If the author implements this technique
effectively, the reader experiences a sensation of "Oh, so now I get it" that
contributes to the enjoyment of the story.

I have digressed.  You can enjoy this story even if you don't care about the
literary criticism stuff that I described in the preceding paragraph.  That
paragraph tries to tell you *why* you'll enjoy the story; it's quite likely
that you may not care *why*, as long as you *do* enjoy the story.  The plot
focuses on the first-time sexual encounter of a woman who is used to being
self-confident and dominant with a man who is now in charge but wants the
experience to be beautiful for her.  This encounter evokes images and emotions
that generate the sexual tension that permeates story.  You'll probably enjoy
it even if you don't know (or care) why. However, the story is designed to be
part of a longer story; and although it is enjoyable even in its present form,
it would be more enjoyable if it could be read in its final context.

Ratings for "Magic"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5 

* "Pat Considers" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com).  I'm not going to tell you
much about this one, except to say that it's a good story.  Pat, the elder of
the lovely Allen sisters, has decided that she might like to have a baby; and
she asks Our Anonymous Hero if he'd like to do the honors.

The author has spent considerable effort in past stories developing the
characterization of these wholesome libertines, and it is interesting to see
how he approaches this question.  I guess it would be appropriate to describe
all three of the protagonists as wholesome, polyamorous people with social
consciences.  They plan to continue their polyamory even after they procreate,
and their social consciences make them aware that bringing a child into the
world is not a frivolous activity.  Hence we have an unusual element of
pensive seriousness introduced into this usually raucous series of stories.

I hope you will find it as interesting as I did to see how the author handles
this element of seriousness.  Will the plot become deadly serious?  Will the
Three Amigos continue to fuck their mutual brains out?  Will the burden of
future fatherhood weaken our hero's erection?  Read the story and find out.

Ratings for "Pat Considers"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
