

 

 
                       INEXPLICABLE 
 
                            by 

                         Joe Doe


A UNIFORMED COP TRIES TO FIGURE OUT WHY THE BEAUTIFUL AND FAMOUS 
MOVIE STAR IN THE BACK OF HIS CRUISER WOULD BOTHER TO SHOPLIFT.



Sam looked in the rear view mirror at the beautiful celebrity 
seated in the rear of his squad car.  Sure, this was L.A., where 
the weird was commonplace, but still....  It just didn't make any 
sense at all.

Why would she shoplift?  She had enough money to buy the entire 
store and could have easily afforded the clothes that she'd taken.  
She obviously wasn't a criminal, and she had been polite and 
respectful when the two policemen showed up to take her into 
custody.

The entire episode was absurd.  George wouldn't even have  
handcuffed her, but she'd demanded it.  In fact, when Sam, 
his partner, opened the car door for her, she specifically 
asked him to handcuff her first, insisting that she wanted 
to be treated "just like any other criminal."  

Of course she wasn't just "any other criminal," but he dutifully 
followed procedure.  

Was it just his imagination, or did the little minx actually smile 
when the cuffs clicked shut around her delicate wrists?

Working up his nerve, Sam finally just asked the lovely young movie 
star sitting in the back of his cruiser the simple question that 
had been bothering him all night: "Why?"  

She said nothing, but just stared back at him, so he explained his 
confusion.  "Miss, you stole enough to make it a felony, but we 
both know your lawyer will still get you off.  At worst, you'll 
just get some chicken shit rehab or lame counseling program.  You 
clearly don't need the money, and you need more publicity like you 
need a third leg.  So why on earth would you do such a thing?"

There was a long pause, while the cuffed celebrity shifted 
uncomfortably in the back of the squad car.  Sam looked her 
up and down closely.  She was wearing a short denim skirt that 
just barely covered her butt, and a cute checkered halter that 
completed her "haystack honey" look.    

Sam smiled; he'd had a crush on this woman for years, and watching 
her wiggle around under his inspecting gaze was actually quite 
entertaining.  

Finally she spoke.  "When we get to the station, I want you and 
George to...."  Her voice trailed off, and she looked down at the 
floor of the squad car.  Finally she managed to spit it out.  "I 
want you to strip search me!"

"Excuse me?" Sam said in disbelief.

"You heard me," she replied, curtly, still examining her shoes.  
"I want you to strip search me.  And I don't want you two to be 
nice about it, either.  I want you to push me into a room and 
order me to take off my clothes.  She paused and swallowed.  
"ALL of my clothes!"  

The beautiful actress looked up at Sam with pleading eyes.  "I 
won't want to do it.  I won't want to strip for you.  I won't 
want you to see me NAKED.  After all, I'm a big movie star, and 
you're both just a couple of cops.  It'll be totally humiliating.  
But you will ORDER me to do it."  

"Don't you see?" she asked desperately.  "I won't have any choice!" 

She leaned close to the middle-aged cop and tried to explain.  
"You both have been SO nice to me," she said.  "And I really do 
appreciate it.  But I don't want you to treat me like a big 
celebrity.  I'm tired of everyone making excuses for me.  I 
want you to treat me...like I'm a whore.  No...I want you to 
treat me like I'm a 'HO.'  I want you to treat me like I'm 
some cheap HO that needs to be stripped down butt naked and 
taught a lesson in manners!"

"And I want you to stop being POLITE," she said desperately.  
"I don't want you to look away when I strip for you.  I want 
you to leer at me, and gawk at me, and tell me what I have to 
take off next.  I want you to slap my backside and make me 
strut around the room while you two snort and cackle like 
Beavis and Butthead."  

Despite himself, Sam found himself smiling.  He looked over at 
his partner, George, who was also trying hard not to laugh.

But she was in earnest.  "I want you to make crude remarks about 
my 'pointy boobs' and 'my cute little ass,' she said, becoming 
more agitated.  "I want you to laugh and hoot at me while I strip 
for you, as if stripping me BUTT-NAKED is just some sort of big 
joke for you two.  And then I want you to snicker about me like 
you're both in the locker room."

"Women know how men talk when we aren't around," she said, 
accusingly.  "We know how you rate us, and joke about us, 
and brag about what 'great lays' we are.  Don't think I 
don't know what all the 'polite' men in town say about me 
when I turn my back.  I know what all my simpering male 
'fans' would do to me if they got half a chance!"  

"Well, tonight, I'm going slumming," she said, defiantly.  "And 
you two are going to get the chance to live out the dream of 
every guy in town."

She became flushed and excited as she wiggled in her car seat.  
"When I'm BARE naked...I want you both to give me a body cavity 
search.  I want you to search me just like I'm some cheap $2 HO 
smuggling drugs.  I want you to order me to bend over and touch 
my toes, and spread my legs, and...even spread my cheeks.  I want 
you to slip on your rubber glove, and lube up your fingers, and 
then stick them up inside me."

"Don't treat me like I'm some famous celebrity who can date any man 
she wants," she begged.  "I want you to treat me like I'm just a 
cute piece of ass you've hauled into the station for a bit of fun."

"I want you to take away my clothes, and my purse, and my money, 
and put me in some filthy prison smock.  Then I want you to cuff 
me and take me back to a cell, where no one can hear me scream!"

Sam smiled.  She sounded like the tag line for some lame movie....

She paused, and looked Sam in the eye again.  "Well, now I've told 
you my deep dark secret.  Now you know why I shoplifted, and what 
I want.  The only question I have is whether or not you will help 
me."  

The beautiful young actress smiled at Sam and winked.  "I won't 
tell on you if you don't tell on me," she said, playfully.

"Of course, if you two aren't MEN enough to help me, I'll 
understand," she teased.  "I guess I'd have to go out and 
find some MEN to satisfy me after my fancy pants lawyer 
finishes mopping the floor with you two pigs!  OINK!  OINK!" 
She laughed.  "I smell BACON in this car!  OINK!  OINK!"

Sam looked unhappily over at his partner.  They were both 
middle-aged and a little tubby, and the two of them had 
heard enough pig jokes to last a lifetime.  They both knew 
the little minx in the back seat was just teasing them, but 
it did make the idea of teaching her a lesson more appealing....

After a pause, she decided to sweeten the pot.  "I'll be your 
prisoner, Sam, and, when you order me to my knees to satisfy 
you, there won't be a thing I can do about it," she said softly. 

Sam decided to play along.  "Will you swallow every drop?" he 
asked, playfully.  

"Yes, sir," she replied, submissively.  "I'll do a good job, and 
I'll swallow EVERY drop."

Sam decided to press his luck further.  "Well, blow jobs are nice, 
and I'm sure you'll do your best," he said, dismissively.  "But if 
you really want to learn about prison sex, it's going to take more 
than that."  

He shook his head sadly.  "I hate to say this, miss, but I'm 
afraid...well, that you're going to have to take it up the ass.  
You'll have plenty of lube, of course, on account of the cavity 
search, but it still won't be pretty."

Sam described the scene in detail.  "You'll be kneeling over a 
cheap prison bunk in a filthy cell, with your hands cuffed behind 
your back, and your cheap white cotton prison panties down around 
your knees.  That tight little ass of yours will be pointing 
straight up in the air, all pink, and helpless, and vulnerable.  
Fortunately for you, George here likes to work it in nice and 
slow...nice and easy.  He likes to take his time, so the con 
can FEEL who's in charge."

"We may be the pigs, Sam," George said with a chuckle.  "But she'd 
be the one getting PORKED.  I wonder if she can 'squeal like a 
pig.'"

Affecting a country accent, Sam sneered, "Okay, girl!  Let's hear 
you SQUEAL LIKE A PIG!"

He looked on in amusement as she crinkled up her pretty nose into 
a snout and started to make animal snorting and squealing sounds.  

She was pretty good, but he knew that, with the proper inspiration 
from George, she could be even better.

Sam used her animal show as an excuse to run his eyes up and down 
her body.  The twenty-something actress was even more beautiful 
in person than she was in the movies, but totally approachable, 
and totally unpretentious.  Her short black hair was almost boyish, 
but her brief halter reveled a lovely pair of breasts.  Her stomach 
was washboard flat, and her scandalously short slit skirt showed 
off most of her beautifully toned legs.  

Her luscious thighs had gradually spread in the back seat, and, as 
Sam looked down, he could see the crotch of her lovely lacy panties 
peeking out from underneath.  His eyes zoomed in on the dainty 
garment.  It clung to her like a second skin and seemed almost to 
be transparent.

Sam smiled.  There was no doubt about it.  Those panties were 
soaking wet!

She finally stopped making pig noises and smiled at him.  "So what 
do you say, Officer?" she said, coyly.  "Do I pass the audition?"

Sam gave his partner a knowing smile, and George immediately turned 
off the flashing lights and made a U turn.

Sam picked up the radio transmitter. "Dispatch, this is Car 297.  
We are en route to Station 17 with the prisoner, but we seem to 
be having electrical problems.  The radio is shorting out, and 
we are going on dinner break until we can figure something out."   

"NEGATIVE, CAR 297!" the dispatcher shrieked.  "The suspect's 
lawyer has already posted bond and is waiting for her at the jail.  
Bring the suspect in immediately.  REPEAT!  Bring the suspect...."

"You're breaking up, Dispatch.  We can't understand you," Sam lied. 
"Car 297...out!"

He turned off the radio and took his cell phone out of his pocket.  
"Hello, Leroy?" he said.  "This is Sam.  We have a Code 69: 
Innocent Female Requesting Strip Search.  Leave the back door 
of the lockup open and clear out the hallway...and you'll get 
the surprise of your life tonight.  Let Rufus and José know, too.  
I guarantee you that they'll want a piece of this one."

"Who are José and Rufus?" the actress asked, nervously.  "Who's 
Leroy?"

"You'll find out soon enough," Sam replied, cryptically.

"But I don't want the whole department to see me naked!" she 
whined.

"Shut up, you little bimbo," Sam said, harshly.  "If you know 
what's good for you, you'll keep that big mouth of yours closed, 
at least until I unzip my pants."

At first she seemed shocked by Sam's sudden change in tone, and 
he smiled as he saw her nervously testing the strength of her 
handcuffs.  But then she seemed to relax, and her playful smile 
returned.   

She closed her eyes and imagined everything that was going to 
happen to her that night.  She didn't care what the cynics said: 
Hollywood was still the sort of town where a beautiful young 
woman's dreams could come true.



Edited by C. Lakewood



 


 
