Celestial Reviews 206 - August 9, 1997

Note:  I'm taking a short vacation, but because of the guest 
reviewers there will be almost no interruption in Celestial 
Reviews.  That means that if you're a reviewer sitting on a 
review, you might want to send it to me, so that I have enough 
reviews for CR 207.

Second note:  Two people have been reposting large numbers of 
stories: Storyman (not StorysMan, who has an s) and Voracious 
Reader.  Both are using the stories as come-ons to introduce their 
web sites.  While I'm sure many readers are happy to obtain access 
to so many stories, I see some problems.  First, I downloaded one 
labeled "hookedon.txt," which turned out to be "Just a Little 
Country Girl" by Jay Boswell - only the author's name was omitted!  
Two others were "Lavinia.txt" and Lavinia8.txt," which are parts 1 
and 8 of Friar Dave's "Lavinia."  Are there really readers out 
there who are so desperate for a story with sex in it that they 
would actually want just these two chapters of this excellent 
story?  Sometimes it seems obvious to me that it would be better 
to do a better job of posting a smaller number of stories with 
more detailed and accurate information.

Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my 
reviews for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.

- Celeste

      "Mystery Flasher" by Phloighd (exhibitionism) 10, 10, 10
      "Greek to Me" by Hugh Jardon (anal quickie) 8, 6, 6
      "Our Special Moment" by Ojo de Ella (relaxing but intense
            lovemaking) 10, 10, 10

 Guest Reviews:

      "Carmen Sandiego" by Dimitri (sex in exotic places)
            6, 5, 5
      "I'm Going to Fuck Your Wife" by Storysman (rape)
            9, 9, 3
      "Nottamun Town" by Mr Spraycan (adventures in 
            fantasyland) 10, 10, 10
      "The Aztec Earrings" by K. Moore (transgender) 10, 9, 9
      "Simpsons: Episode 2" by GzAxgaiefX (sitcom parody)
            2, 1, 1

 Reposted Reviews:

    * "Gilligan Mashukah" by Richard Dunstan (sitcom parody)
            10, 10, 10
    * "Box of Delights" by Orion (mind control) 9, 9, 9
      

"Mystery Flasher" by Phloighd (jroot@netmcr.com).  The narrator is 
working in a remote section of a record and book store.  A very 
attractive woman comes up to his counter and starts flirting with 
him.  The conversation is sexy and seductive.  There's really not 
much to say about this story, except that it's extremely sexy and 
seductive - and I've already said that.

This is this author's first story.  Either he got lucky or I want 
to see a lot more stories from him.

Ratings for "Mystery Flasher"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Greek to Me" by Hugh Jardon (StoryMan repost - listed as 
greektome.txt).  The guy arrives unexpectedly at his girlfriend's 
apartment.  They get naked and fuck like rabbits in heat.  His 
cock slips out of her pussy and goes into her asshole when he 
reinserts it, and they have a glorious time.  What this story 
lacks is character development or any real reason for anything 
that happens.

Since I had so little to write about this story, I looked up 
"Greek love" in my unabridged dictionary.  It's right there 
between "Greek-letter society" and "Greek Orthodox Church."  It 
means anal sex, apparently because Spartan soldiers got lonely and 
needed a place to sheath their metaphorical swords.  There's 
probably an editorial in this somewhere, but I'm not going to 
touch it with a 12-inch cock.

Ratings for "Greek to Me"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6

"Our Special Moment" by Ojo de Ella (Voracious Reader repost).  
This story describes a hot lovemaking session during which the 
woman tells the man to just relax and enjoy it.  And he does.  
Twice.  This is a very hot story.  It reminds me of Dulcinea's 
work, and that's a real compliment.

I suspect that this story started out as one of those second-
person (you) narratives that people often write for their 
cyberlovers.  This is an excellent example of the value of 
changing to the third person before posting the story.  Try 
reading this story with "you" mentally inserted for "him."  On 
second thought, don't. It's not nearly as hot or intense that way.

Ratings for "Our Special Moment"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Carmen Sandiego" by Dimitri (dimitri@ihug.co.nz). Guest review by 
BillyG.

The story is based on the cartoon series, "Where On Earth Is 
Carmen Sandiego." It's likely that the erotic appeal of sex 
stories about TV or cartoon personalities arises from our 
affection for them or perhaps our identification with them.  That 
principle sets the stage for the difficulty I had with the sci-fi 
fantasy story, "Carmen Sandiego."

I have nothing against longer story length in itself, particularly 
if it serves to develop the plot or to portray a slow seduction or 
to draw out the sexual tension.  "Carmen" would appear to do none 
of these.  It's long, almost tedious, without being coherent.  
There are multiple, poorly connected vignettes with too many 
inadequately developed characters, several of whom have no more 
apparent function than window dressing.  

For those readers who get a kick from secret agents, HAL-like 
computers, teleporters, abduction, an evil sultan, and an even 
more evil brother fronting a substantive cast of lesser minions, 
set in ever-changing and ever-confusing exotic locations ranging 
from the Far East to Disneyland, there may resonate a ring of 
interest and familiarity in this story.  

The girl-girl scenes between the evil but capable (the only one) 
Carmen Sandiego and our attractive but largely inept heroine from 
ACME Detective, are fun.  Were they set up with more care, they'd 
be sexy as well. There's one token, almost off- hand heterosexual 
coupling of Carmen and a nondescript guard who happens to be 
convenient when she is "secretly" watching a girl-girl sex scene, 
which, by the way, is almost equally off-hand.

Carmen doesn't make it as a science-fiction story, as a detective 
story, or most of all, as an erotic story.  As an SM story, it has 
moments that might appeal to those who enjoy capture, subjugation, 
and submission; but sorry to say, even those are treated in casual 
ways that are well short of tongue-in-cheek humor.

Ratings for "Carmen Sandiego"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 5
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 5

"I'm Going to Fuck Your Wife" by Storysman (Storysman@aol.com).  
Guest review by Anne747.

This was a challenging review for me to write.  There is no 
question that this is a fairly well-written story.  If it had been 
a conventional story with little to no sex, it still would have 
made me uncomfortable.  I just have a problem with the idea that 
someone would find this story arousing.  For those who don't like 
plots ruined you should probably stop here.  I'll call it a short 
erotic thriller with dark disturbing overtones and let you go read 
the story.

The story starts when the man in the story is opening the day's 
mail.  A plain unmarked envelope contains a single message (the 
title).  He laughs it off, goes upstairs and proceeds to do so 
himself.  The notes continue, something he never tells his wife.  
He begins to have visions of her being raped in a variety of 
situations.  The tone of the threats becomes more violent.  He 
still does not go to the police, or tell his wife.  Even his own 
actions towards his wife becomes more angered, more forceful.  

After talking with a woman in his wife's office, he decides he 
knows who the man is and confronts him.  During this encounter he 
beats the man up with a crowbar, finding out as he leaves that the 
man had raped another woman in the office, and had an affair with 
another man's wife.  On the way home he discovers that the man he 
has beaten is not the right one.  While the man is driving the 
final few miles to his house, the rapist describes to him on the 
car phone his actions in graphic detail while he rapes the man's 
wife.  By the time the man reaches his house the rapist is gone 
and the wife is dead.

Okay, I've pretty much ruined the suspense, which is fairly well 
done.  My real problem with this story as an erotic piece is that 
I have a feeling there are some people who will find the rape 
scenes stimulating, and that bothers me.  In fact even the fact 
that the husband seems to be aroused at times by the threats kind 
of does the same.  So, what I read was a fairly well written 
suspense that left a definite bad taste in my mouth.  Read at your 
own risk... just don't tell me if you masturbated to it - I don't 
want to know!

Ratings for "I'm Going to Fuck Your Wife"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Anne747 (appeal to reviewer): 3

"Nottamun Town" by Mr Spraycan (mrspraycan@mailanon.com). Guest 
review by Kim.

Hey, I must be doing something right: Celeste keeps on sending me 
stories to review. So without further ado here we go.  {Note from 
Celeste: I recently read a disclaimer to a story that said, 
"Without further adieu...." Kim has it right!}

This is not the normal type of story to appear in ASS - at least 
not the sort I have read many of anyway.  This is a tale of sword 
and sorcery about a guy who's at a party and has a bit of a fugue, 
and then wakes up two weeks later, naked and singing on a London 
park bench. From there he's dragged off to the funny farm, where 
he relates to a shrink that he's been to a place of magic during 
the interim. The tale then launches into a flashback mode, and we 
follow his trials and tribulations.

His adventures in a strange land begin when he is seduced by a 
passing witch. After several close encounters with the witch our 
hero decides to journey on to the eponymous town of the title, 
accompanied by the witch's talking cat. Now I wish I myself had a 
talking pussy, but I digress (yeah, obvious I know). On the way 
the cat explains the economy of the land: people get paid for 
being publicly flogged and humiliated so that the local chief bad 
guy can absorb all the psychic energy this gives off. Oh, and all 
the residents wander around naked; and the native form of greeting 
consists of the reciprocal thrusting of genitals at each other.

After a few more adventures our hero decides to confront the evil 
ruler and challenge him and his even nastier lady sidekick to a 
duel of magic and fisticuffs. Our hero's magic consists entirely 
of his ability to sing the lyrics from a song by Fairport 
Convention. Enough magic by anyone's standards, I think you'll 
agree.

It all ends in tears, of course, with the hero back in the company 
of the shrink, who is admonishing him for consuming cheap alcohol 
and illegal drugs. The story ends on a rather touching note, as we 
find our hero a year later still pining for the love of the witch 
he first met {and bedded} at the beginning of his odyssey.

According to the author's web page, a semi-commercial site 
incidentally, this whole story was inspired by a bad drugs 
experience he once suffered.

*** Warning - pointless moralizing by reviewer ***

Remember folks just say NO. If you want a mind altering experience 
then go read a book!

*** Pointless Moralizing Mode Off ***

Well, what did I think about it? I have to say, I thought it very 
well written and engrossing. I was quite sad when it was over. I 
wouldn't mind reading some more of the adventures of the magical 
Nottamun Town and its surroundings. I would point out however, 
that to my mind, it was virtually devoid of anything erotic, but 
as an interesting piece of story telling it was first rate. If you 
can't stand fantasy, then you're not gonna agree with my ratings; 
but then it's my review, so there.

Ratings for "Nottamun Town"
Athena (technical quality): 10 
Venus (plot & character): 10
Kim (appeal to reviewer): 10 (but see note about lack of 
      eroticism)


"The Aztec Earrings" by K. Moore (Repost by Nostrumo). Guest 
review by Purple Shade.

Two friends explore an island off the coast of Florida after 
hearing some legends associated with the site.  It's rumored to be 
the site of the lost Aztec tribe which fled north to escape Cortes 
back in the 1500s.  The main character in the story (who is never 
actually given a name, unfortunately) finds a pair of very old 
earrings, which he decides to keep as a souvenir. 

Fascinated by his discovery, he decides to try them on and 
discovers that they have mystic properties, and while wearing them 
he is transformed into a beautiful woman.  Keeping his discovery a 
secret, our hero sets out to discover the joys of womanhood 
including loosing his "virginity" to his best friend Ron.

The author does quite a good job describing how "Amber" explores 
her new body and mind-set.  The author takes the time to examine 
the adjustment to the unexpected events rather than simply having 
Amber rush into Ron's tent and jump his bones.  

The story is imaginative and keeps the reader's interest, but I 
found myself wishing I knew a little more about the two 
characters.  Some background would have improved the story.  Since 
it was listed under the heading of a TG story, I'm sure this was 
bypassed by many readers, since many of us expect that stories 
under that heading usually deal with men dressing up as women. 
Instead, this falls into a Doctor Jeckle / Miss Hyde sort of 
situation.  Again, while I feel the story could have benefited 
from a little more about the characters, it is nevertheless worth 
the time reading it.

Ratings for "The Aztec Earrings" {Added by Celeste}
Athena (technical quality): 10 
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Simpsons: Episode 2" by GzAxgaiefX (gzaxgaiefx@aol.com).  Guest review 
by Jake Stonebender. (Reviewer's note: No, I'm _not_ Jake Stonebender... 
I just play him on the net.)

People have probably been writing erotic parodies of series television 
and movies as long as there has _been_ series television and movies.

The earliest widespread example propagated by the Internet was probably 
"K/S" fiction, erotica based on the theory that Kirk and Spock (from 
ST:TOS) were homosexual lovers.

Some of this fiction has been exceptionally well plotted and written.

This is not an example.

I suspected, almost as soon as I noted that Bart was going to extend his 
"Knew Knowledge" (instead of his "new" knowledge), that this would be 
another example of the category of erotica where the poor quality of the 
writing overshadows everything else.

I was right.

The premise is amusing (at least to those for whom the presence of a 
underage character in erotic fiction is not troublesome), but the 
implementation, well... it reads as if Bart had written it his fourth-
grade, first-person self.  Poor punctuation, ugly indentation, and lousy 
grammar conspire to strip this story of whatever amusement value it may 
have contained.  Anyone who doubts the importance of these items in 
erotic fiction is invited to compare the storylines you find in most 
pocket "stroke novels" with the writing of, say, Michael K. Smith, or 
Friar Dave.

Honestly, though, I can't say I think it would have had much arousal 
value even cleaned up.  It's certainly possible to accomplish that with 
fictional characters -- a recent story concerning Capt. Janeway 
masturbating on her ready room desk in full view of the bridge proves 
this -- but, alas, this story is as flat as the characters it portrays.

I do hate to have to give a review this bad on my first time out of the 
gate, but it's the nature of the job, I guess.

Athena (technical quality): 2 (he gets a point for his spelling)
Venus (characterization and plot): 2
Jake (appeal to reviewer): 1 (like American Bandstand, nothing 
      is completely bad...)

* "Gilligan Mashukah" by Richard Dunstan 
richard.dunstan@indiefilm.com).  Last week I reviewed Shelby 
Bush's parody of "Gilligan's Island."  I considered that to be one 
of the best sitcom parodies ever posted on alt.sex.stories.  This 
one is not yet finished; but from what I have seen, it promises to 
be very good.  I'll do a full review of this story as soon as the 
author finishes it.  As the author points out in his introduction, 
"Gilligan" displayed a surreal, nonsensical quality in that the 
three single men on the show never lost complete control of 
themselves while faced with the delectable feminine pulchritude of 
Ginger and Mary Ann.  For the show's audience, however, the 
predicament of Mary Ann and Ginger fueled many an adolescent 
sexual fantasy; and stories like this one will strike a resonant 
chord in the mind of many a reader.  

Ratings for "Gilligan Mashukah" 
Athena (technical quality):10 
Venus (plot & character): 9 
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10  

* "Box of Delights" by Orion (an284654@anon.penet.fi).  This story 
is being reposted through the THC library.  The title refers not 
to the box of delights that resides between a lady's legs, but 
rather to a magic box with a red LED that flashes while the holder 
of the box uses mental telepathy to control the people to whom he 
wishes to direct his thoughts.  The story is on this newsgroup 
rather than, say, alt.world.salvation or alt.world.conquest 
because the current holder of the box is a horny son of a bitch 
with simple needs.  After his first day with the box, two females 
would arrive home with wet pussies, and one of them might wonder 
why her anus felt as if it had been stretched. A red-headed shop-
assistant would wonder when the cold wind hit her cunt why her 
panties were in her locker instead of on her body. A female bank 
teller would have to explain the loss of a small amount of cash.  
Over the next few days, a surprisingly large number of women would 
feel an inexplicable urge to remove their panties and to bend over 
a little further while performing life's mundane tasks.  

An interesting twist that the author doesn't reveal until late in 
the story is that he is required to give the magic box to whoever 
sends the next good mind control story to this newsgroup.  A major 
problem, of course, is that since this is a repost, we don't 
really know who has the box now or whether that conditional clause 
was permanent and is still legally binding for the current holder.  
So I don't know for sure whether you really can have the box by 
writing a story.  At any rate, the author will eventually lose the 
box, and you might think he would therefore stop having his 
telepathic jollies.  Not so! He has employed a trick that 
countless stage hypnotists have employed - the "trigger phrase". 
He has pre-programmed most of the women in his neighborhood, and 
when one of them hears the phrase a year or a decade or so after 
the box is gone, she will at that time obey every order - just as 
if she was under the direct influence of the Box.  However, I'm 
pretty sure the box doesn't work on reviewers.  

Ratings for "Box of Delights 
Athena (technical quality): 9 
Venus (plot & character): 9 
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9   
