Celestial Reviews 286 - June 6, 1998

Note: One day Little Johnny went to his father and asked him if he could buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday. Johnny's father said, "We have a $100,000 mortgage on the house, and you want me to buy you a bicycle? Wait until Christmas." 

Christmas came around and Johnny asked again. The father said, "Well, the mortgage is still extremely high. Sorry about that. Ask me again some other time." 

About two days later, the boy was seen walking out of the house with all of his worldly possessions in a suitcase. The father asked why he was leaving. Little Johnny said, "Yesterday I was walking past your room and I heard you say that you were pulling out, and Mommy said that you should wait because she was coming too -- and DAMN if I'm  going to get stuck with a $100,000 mortgage!"

Second note:  Here's a Sexual Tension Quiz:

Instructions: For each answer, you will have three clues. Try to determine what the object or thing is that is being described. For every correct answer you give, give yourself 2 points, for every incorrect answer deduct 2 points.

If you score less than 14 points, you are in need of more sex. If you score between 14 points and 21 points, you are in need of more love. If you score over 21 points, you are classed as having a great sex experience. Now please begin.

"CLUES"

1. I am a protrusion that comes in many sizes.
   When I'm not well, I drip.
   When you blow me, you feel good.

2. I'm spread before I'm eaten.
   Your tongue gets me off.
   People sometimes lick my nuts.

3. I assist an erection.
   Sometimes big balls hang from me.
   I'm called a big swinger.

4. Over 1,000 people went down on me.
   I wasn't maiden for long.
   A big hard thing ripped me open.

5. You stick your poles inside me.
   You tie me down to get me up.
   I get wet before you do.

6. When I go in I cause pain.
   I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow.
   I can fill your hole.

7. A finger goes in me.
   You fiddle with me when you're bored.
   The best man always has me first.

8. All day long, it's in and out.
   I discharge loads from my shaft.
   Both men and women go down on me.

9. I go in hard.
   I come out soft.
   You blow me hard.

10. If I miss, I hit your bush.
    It's my job to stuff your box.
    When I come, it's news.

11. I offer Protection.
    I get the finger ten times.
    You use your fingers to get me off.

12. I have a stiff shaft.
    My tip penetrates.
    I come with a quiver.

13. My business is briefs.
    I am a cunning linguist.
    I plead and plead for it.
- - - - - - - - - - - -

Answers:

1. nose 
2. peanut butter 
3. crane 
4. Titanic 
5. tent
6. dentist 
7. wedding ring 
8. elevator 
9. chewing gum
10. newspaper boy 
11. glove 
12. arrow 
13. attorney

Third note: I wish to express my gratitude to b_tira@hotmail.com for helping find the links for the stories in this and the previous issue of CR.  He/she is filling in for Sandman, who is taking his new bride on a cruise to Malinov's island or some such place.  Which reminds me - I wish to express my gratitude to Sandman for helping find the links for so many other issues of CR.  I think the links have been useful and effective.

Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.

- Celeste

"Friends FAQ" by Maria Pollick (fetishes and orgies) 6, 7, 7
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358671780

"Pussy Eating (wife)" by Maria Pollick (oral sex with a woman) 6, 8, 8
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358671767

"Becky Cried" by Poison Ivan (voyeurism and romance) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=353349603

"Sesame Street" by Nate" (sophomoric humor) 10, 8, 8

"Ten" by Leanna (threesome with bondage) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=351785924 

"Anniversary Party" by ALS135 (threesome & moresome)
      10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=352765238
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=352765248 

"Janey's Friend" by Janey (literary ff romance) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=355700552

Guest Reviews:

"Garam Mircha" by Mina Lin (College Orgy) 9, 7, 4
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=208489760 

"Two Families" by D. Abbey (prolonged orgy) 8, 7, 6
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=317475967

"Ruthie's Afternoon" by Erotales (kidnapping & sexual emeergence)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=352291495
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=352291500

"Bend Over" by Mitchell (romantic quickie) 8, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=354407598

"History of a Friend" by H.D. Meister (teen sex) 8
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358345505

"Clockwork" by Adrian Hunter (rough day at the office) 10, 9, 9
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=355961847

"Melody" by Crimson Dragon (sex in the business world).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=355043924

Reposted Reviews:

"The Forgetful Husband" by Tom Bombadil (romance) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358537552

"Erotic Foolishness" by Renae Nicks (romance) 9.5, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358010906
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358010902

"Honeymoon" by Parker (Slavery/sm) 10, 5, 3
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358677586

"American As..." by Deidre Ng (patriotic sex) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=357059004
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=357058982

"Ginger-with-a-D and the Hunk-and-a-Half" by Erin
     Halfelven (light bdsm) 8, 8, 8
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358921905

"Office Girl" by Parker (blackmail & white slavery) 10, 10, 9
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=359201405

"Power and the Word" by Taria (interracial sex) 10, 10, 10
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/7309.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/7341.txt

-------------------
This Week in Celestial History
CR#89 - June 1, 1996
-------------------

* "A Dark and Stormy Night" by Ann Douglas  (lesbian 
            romance & emerging adolescence) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=169073359 
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=169073844 
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=168871025 
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=169073768 

* "Sally's Surrender" by Kid Dynamite (bdsm & humiliation)
            10, 10, 10
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=240717365 
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=240717851 
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=240718361 
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=240719239 
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=240720057 


"Friends FAQ" by Maria Pollick (mariapollick@usa.net).  
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358671780

The most interesting thing about this review is that the author correctly used the possessive as the "subject" of a gerund: "I'm looking forward to her opening up."  Actually, I'm being sarcastic.  The only reason this author "used the possessive" is because the possessive and objective cases of "she" happen to be identical.  I'll cease this pedantic nit-picking and get on with the review.

This "FAQ" purports to describe some people who write sex stories and have orgies together.  One of the members of the group has a web page that has received an "interracial multiple partner sex award for her accomplishments." Imagine that.  Most of the women have black Masters, who beat them, humiliate them, and fuck the shit out of them - thus earning an "interracial multiple partner sex award for their accomplishments."

A serious shortcoming is that if this is supposed to be a FAQ, it includes no information whatsoever about how to reach the group about which the Questions are Frequently Asked.  There was a second part to this story, but it was simply labeled FAQ; and so the only way I knew it was related was by its location next to the first one.  There was a third story, also labeled FAQ, but it was identical to the second.  This author should not quit her day job and become a reference librarian, even though by doing so she might earn an "interracial multiple partner sex award for her accomplishments."

Although the grammar and logic both suck from time to time, this story has a certain charm to it.  It's kinda like the time I was on a bus and a group of slutty teenagers took all the seats around me.  They left me alone, their conversations were certainly not a model of linguistic eloquence, and I had no interest in being anything like them.  But I practically came in my pants from just listening to them.  This "story" isn't quite that good, but it has potential.

Perhaps a better way to describe this and the related stories is to say that they're like Penthouse Forum Letters, with a lot worse grammar and weaker coherence.

Ratings for "Friends FAQ"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7

"Pussy eating (wife)" by Maria Pollick (mariapollick@usa.net).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358671767

"When a woman finds a man who gives good head, she's found a treasure she's not going to let go of too quickly."  I think that line is taken almost verbatim from the bible.  Or as Ben Franklin's wife put it, "A hard man is good to find."

Actually, this story purports to have been written by "Bobbi," one of the author's associates who was introduced to us in the "Friends FAQ," reviewed above  However, for purposes of identification, I'm going to assume that Maria herself wrote this story.  I don't think it matters.

This "story" is really an essay on how to fondle and orally stimulate a woman's pussy.  Although the author is certainly more of a cunnilinguist than a cunning linguist, the advice is actually pretty good.  Although there is more than one way to eat a pussy (and as Shakespeare suggests, you shouldn't do it by the book), what the author suggests here would work pretty well.

I wonder if Dr. Ruth knows about this.

Ratings for "Pussy eating (wife)"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"Becky Cried" by Poison Ivan (poisoniv1@hotmail.com).  
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=353349603

It's a gray and overcast day, but we don't learn that till near the end of the story; nor does it matter, at least not until they make love in the rain in his backyard after they watch the other couple doing foreplay in the restaurant where Margot with the nice ass and happy fingers works.

The first we hear about Becky's eponymous lacrimations is when she weeps when she discovers that she's not pregnant.  However, lately she has been sitting on the couch in her bathrobe reading women's magazines and casting accusatory glances.  And now Margot the waitress is beginning to look better and better to our narrator, and it's not even closing time at the watering hole.

When Becky arrives for lunch, our narrator is enraptured with the sight of the couple at the next table, who are eating and flirting most outrageously. "Someone should turn a hose on them," Becky whispers.  Or get a room, as my daughter would say.  The other woman isn't wearing panties, and they leave shortly. "I have to go to the bathroom," Becky says. "Is everything okay?" Margot the waitress asks. Becky returns from the bathroom with items of wearing apparel in her purse. Becky and our narrator dance, and Becky says, "Don't get fresh, buster!"

"Next time you say you're going to show somebody my butt, you'd
better show somebody my butt!" says Becky. "I must say, there hasn't been much in the way of business, but it sure has been a fun day!" Margot says.

Mood swings can be interesting.

Ratings for "Becky Cried" 
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Sesame Street" by Nate" (rammyn@msn.com).  This is not great literature. It's sophomoric humor, but good sophomoric humor, obviously written by somebody who has grown up watching Sesame Street and who currently sneaks peeks of the show while his/her younger siblings get off on it.

In addition to Maria's wild escapades with the muppets, we are treated to an epilogue containing a parody of a chain letter.  I thought the chain letter was better than the rest of the story!

Ratings for "Sesame Street"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"Ten" by Leanna (leanna1@hotmail.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=351785924 

"Miss! Oh, miss.... That's a pretty dress."

The woman looks down, self-conscious.  "Thank you."

"I bet it'd look pretty on the floor next to my bed."

"Whap!" goes the slap on the side of his face as the woman huffs away.

This scene takes place outside a bar, where the recipient of the slap has been sitting on a bench with his lady friend, getting drunk while evaluating the physiques of the women going into the bar.  They are a man and a woman who have apparently never been sexually intimate with each other - just drinking companions who hang out on the street together.

Then their life changes in an interesting way.  Sometimes I say too much.  You had better check this one out for yourself.  This story is an interesting combination of a threesome and bondage, with some really great dialogue to keep it going.

Ratings for "Sesame Street"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Anniversary Party" by ALS135 (ALS135@aol.com).  
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=352765238
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=352765248 

This story is about as close as I'll ever get in real life to anonymous sex. While reading this story, I had risen through several crescendos to a gently roaring orgasm.  For much of it I didn't even need my fingers - the imagery and the tug of my clothing while I twisted in my chair was enough to keep me going.  As my climax subsided, I realized I didn't even know who the author was.  Even worse - or even better, perhaps - a glance at my scroll bar told me that I was only halfway through the story.  I clicked on the scroll bar.  Yep - there it was - Part 2 was still to come, if you'll pardon the expression. At least my timing was good.

Fortunately, my phone rang, and I had to deal with something more mundane. As I said, at least my timing was good.  Now, before I resume my reading, let me give this lecture one more time.  Be sure to put your name and address on the title page of the actual story.  When I downloaded this story, all I got was two files with enigmatic numbers that meant absolutely nothing to me for their "titles."  My gratitude to this author for a really enjoyable first half of this evening far outweighs the hostility that he evokes by making me go to DejaNews and look up his name.  But PLEASE - for your own good - PUT YOUR NAME AND ADDRESS ON THE TITLE PAGE OF THE ACTUAL STORY.

The basic plot is that a wife whom her husband has known to be bisexual throws a first anniversary party for her husband to which (unbeknownst to her husband) she also invites her female lover.  And all this happens in the most delightful way.

This is an extraordinarily hot story.  I strongly recommend it.

As I have mentioned in the past, I have a happily monogamous relationship with my husband.  In spite of (or maybe because of) that relationship, I really enjoy stories like this one.  A story like this is good because IF (and that's an emphatic IF with capital letters) the wildly hedonistic activities portrayed in this story could be continued on a long-term basis, these sort of activities would certainly be wonderful.  I simply don't believe that in my own life something like this is possible.  My conviction is based on philosophical (religious, I suppose) principles, psychological insights, and practical experience.  Satisfying one man and having that one man devote his life to me is about all that I can handle, and I really feel that I am a lot happier than my friends who have more "open" relationships.

I hasten to add that I might be wrong or at least that these other people might be right as well.  That is, maybe they have achieved a capacity to share relationships in a way that makes them wonder why a person would ever want to settle for a single piece of the pie.

I have no interest in converting you to my value system.  My point here is that it is clearly possible to enjoy stories that conflict with our personal values.  Some stories that conflict with my values seem really stupid to me, and I cannot really enjoy those.  For example, I still can't understand why a person would enjoy degrading or being degraded by a person with whom he/she is "in love."  However, stories like this one give me no trouble.  I can definitely see how it would be ecstatically pleasant to have one cock up my cunt and another up my ass while my best friend fondled my tits and played tongue games with me.  Let's hear it for vicarious experiences!

By the way, my husband agrees with me on this issue.  He too enjoys letting his imagination roam. He has a not-too-secret lust for Jenny McCarthy, who is young enough to be our daughters' older sister.  If pressed, I'm pretty sure he would admit that he "wishes" he could bury his face between her legs - or her asscheeks, for that matter.  He won't, and he doesn't really "want" to; what he wants is me.  

One reason I like these stories is that they give us a safe outlet for our fantasies.  I really don't want my husband fantasizing about a woman he works with or his former girlfriend while he makes love to me.  I think that would be disruptive to our relationship.  Such fantasies would increase the probability of actual infidelity or inadvertent flirtations.  He might look at the other woman differently or she might respond in a way that would complicate and hurt someone.  With imaginary characters, this problem goes away. Let's hear it for vicarious experiences!

Incidentally, Jenny McCarthy and I are not all that much alike.  I'm much more intelligent, she's a blonde, and she looks slightly better with her clothes falling off of her on a calendar or other poster.  Other than that, we're pretty similar, I suppose.

Ratings for "Anniversary Party"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Janey's Friend" by Janey (janey98@hotmail.com).  
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=355700552

Janey has fallen in love with Taria. In this story, which is sort of a sequel to Taria's "Phone Sex," they meet and do very nice things to each other.  Just read the story - it's really silly for me to try to summarize things that the author describes so much better than I can.

Actually, this whole affair is somewhat difficult to sort out.  Janey's fictional persona is definitely and reciprocally head over heels with Taria's fictional persona (that's a vocational counselor with a college history teacher - at least most of the time); and Janey the real person also has a genuine and likewise reciprocal admiration for Taria the real person - whoever those real persons may be.  The exact relationship among all these personas (or perhaps, personae) is a bit vague.  For example, Janey the fictitious person strongly recommends "The Power and the Word," which was written by Taria the real person, and in which Taria the fictitious person plays a major role.

This confusion of characters may sound confusing - and it is - but that's good news, not bad news.  The ambiguity adds to the flavor of the story.

As Janey points out, Taria's "The Power and the Word" is truly an excellent story. {I'll repost the review below.} But it's not really a good idea to fall in love with authors who write good short stories.  For example, the best short story author I know is Edgar Alan Poe; and he'd be a helluva person to be in love with, even if he hadn't died in a gutter over a hundred years ago. And then there's Mike Hunt, who dropped off the edge of the earth just when my fantasies about him were getting really interesting.

Ratings for "Anniversary Party"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Garam Mircha" by Mina Lin (posted by jimlin@mit.edu).  Guest Review by Sandman (sandman@bitsmart.com)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=208489760 

This story started out very promising, very promising indeed, as it followed a young Hindi woman as she burst out on the world scene for the first time. India has always been a bit of a fascination for me, combining the mystical and the sensual.  Unfortunately, the mystery of the story lasts only for the first paragraph before the woman attends a college that at first I assumed was somewhere in India but quickly realized was in the U.S.  

The story disintegrated very quickly after that, and it became just another story about a co-ed determined to learn everything she can about sex who ends up doing a whole frat house for her doctoral thesis in sex education.

In the end the woman's nationality meant nothing at all.  She could have been a Kansas farm girl or a New York sophisticate.  We get a royal gangbang that may appeal to some of the multiple-male single-female fans, but other than that there's simply not much to say for this one.

Ratings for "Garam Mircha"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 6
Sandman (appeal to reviewer): 4

"Two Families" (D. Abbey - dabby@access.mountain.net). Guest review by BillyG (hayden@mindless.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=317475967

"Two Families," as the title suggests, is a story about the families of Alice Stadler, a divorced young mother of three, and her next door neighbor, John Smiley, a widower who similarly has three children. There's a fortuitous similarity in the family compositions, for Alice's children include twelve- year-old Sally and her older brothers, thirteen-year-old twins Alex and Andrew, while John's family consists of twelve-year-old David and his older sisters, thirteen-year-old twins, June and Jane.

There's a method in my listing the line up of players, for they all come to have a role; and in the first few chapters it's difficult to tell who's who. Since all the girls are hot for all the guys and vice versa, several times I lost track of just who was panting after whom.

The plot is simplicity itself, little more than a series of contrivances that allow various couplings to occur.  If your concept of consent permits a friendly, albeit horny twelve-year-old to have so-called consensual sex with an adult neighbor, then this is clearly a consensual story. There's no coercion or cajoling, much less threatening or blackmail that serves to coerce anyone in this story.  They're all mutually randy and ready to play.  If anything, the kids play a more active role in the light-hearted seductions that are heavily sprinkled throughout this moderately long story.

The story is lusty and embraces the full gamut of vaginal, anal and oral sex, spiced with voyeurism and exhibitionism together with brief hints of same-sex attraction,   There's little that is 'way out' in this story and even the incestuous pairings come across with little added charge.  In fact, the number of players serves to lessen the intimacy. I found a predictable sameness that bordered on near monotony.  In fact, some of the dialog was repeated almost word for word with different players.  An attempt at symmetrical balance in the story came across like Pete Segar's "Little Boxes."  The repetitious formulaic approach robbed the story of spontaneity and surprise.  The new vignettes weren't new at all, but came across as a "same song, second verse."

All in all, this was a almost sweet story, but marred by its own blandness and predictability.  The lesson here is that less is more. Fewer players might have provided the setting for greater intensity and intimacy.

This is an OK story, but it just didn't grab me.

Ratings for "Two Families"
Athena (technical quality): 8 (Formatting problems with a 
      hard return and space after ever line)
Venus (plot & character): 7 (Too thin and too many players)
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 6 (Less would be more)

"Ruthie's Afternoon" by Erotales (Erotales@aol.com).  Guest review by Dart.
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=352291495
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=352291500

It's a rainy afternoon and Ruthie needs a cab. After getting splashed by three of them, she's grateful when the fourth one pulls over. It's occupied, but the occupant states his willingness to share; and after a brief conversation she gratefully accepts his offer. Too late, Ruthie realizes that she's been kidnapped. Soon, she's nude, gagged, spread-eagled, and bound to a bed in an otherwise empty room. She's pretty concerned about her situation; she's not nearly as concerned as I'd be, but perhaps I'm simply a nervous type.

Very shortly, Dante joins her. He's forced into the room much as she had been, only it's his father's house; and it's upon his father's instructions that he's being sequestered with Ruthie. It seems that Dante is a twenty-eight year old virgin and since therapy hasn't solved his inability to interact with women, his father has devised this novel approach to force a solution - well, at least to force the loss of Dante's virginity, since no one is to leave the room until it's gone.

Dante, being a gentlemanly type, kindly removes Ruthie's gag but is unable to release her bindings. Ruthie, vocal again, then proves to be Dante's best therapist to date, and once Dante begins to open up, Ruthie even discovers a new and deeper understanding of herself.

Needless to say, Dante's father will be pleased with the outcome of Ruthie's encounter with his son, but I leave it to the reader of this nicely suspenseful story to determine who else is pleased.

Ratings for "Ruthie's Afternoon"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 8
Dart (appeal to reviewer): 7

"Bend Over" by Mitchell (apstarre@pipeline.com). Reviewed by A.M. McStuff, who may be reached at assmastermcstuff@hotmail.com.
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=354407598

In subscribing to ASSM one exposes oneself to the broadest imaginable array of printed sexuality -- everything from the quicky squicky to well-developed and tasteful erotica. With "Bend Over" Mitchell has produced an example of my favorite genre, what I like to call the credible stroke.

The plot is admirably straightforward: the narrator is enchanted by the sight of his callipygian wife bent over an oven. They boff and are thus late for a party. End of story.

But Mitchell packs an admirable amount of character development into a brief space. The narrator fumbles with "the tie around [his] neck that refused to knot itself properly." His wife hums "a song under her breath" as she works in the kitchen, unaware of his attention. The characters obviously have affection for each other, and Mitchell allows us to relate to them in the brief time they interact before getting it on. And they do get it on -- a good in-the- kitchen, pre-party "make it quick" screw. Any adult can relate to this.

A nice touch: Mitchell cleverly uses the language of stroke to describe other actions. As the woman cooks she pours "the sauce over the meat sizzling inside." The deft application of typically porny language to non-sexual activity brought a smile to my face.

The story is not without its flaws, any of which might have been cured by an editor. The protagonist's wife is a "heavenly angel" (is there any other type?). Likewise, he fills her with his "hot seed." Just once I would like to read a story in which the narrator spurts lukewarm -- even tepid  -- seed, to the dismay of the spurtee. And his wife's hair is "mangled" after their nuzzling. Since when does nuzzling anything mangle it? 

But these are quibbles; it is almost impossible to write short stroke without leaning on the crutch of cliché from time to time, and Mitchell is much more literate than most of the writers posting to ASSM. I enjoyed this story and look forward to reading more by the author.

Ratings for "Bend Over"
Technical Quality: 8
Character Development: 10
Appeal to Reviewer: 10

"History of a Friend" by H.D. Meister. Guest review by Dave Myers.
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358345505

Perspective is everything in writing. Being able to communicate a particular human perspective to the reader is the gift that successful authors have. Most teen stories fall into either of two categories: (1) an adult looking back and thinking "Wouldn't it have been neat if my teen sex life could have been like THIS!", or (2) "Julie is inexperienced. Julie learns how to fuck. Fuck, Julie, fuck!" Neither theme tends to display the point of view necessary to be convincing (a different thing altogether from arousing!). Well, thankfully the awakening that occurs for the narrator of this story is not a purely physical one. This story manages to get the job of perspective (a young person moving past sex into love)  done admirably until the very end, at which point it becomes one touch too wistful for my tastes. 

Synopsis: A young woman believes she is going to break in a virgin teen male, but he turns out to be a silent, mysterious charmer and a sexual animal.

The author is at his (?? - I assume it is a he) best when characterizing the creepy and mysterious quality of our narrator's suitor. Too bad that this aspect of the plot is underdeveloped; it could have been taken even higher. The constantly mounting levels of enigma surrounding this character are handled nicely, as seen through the fuzzy lens of a teen who finds love when she least expects it. 

But the story could use a healthy re-write. Written almost in "diary"  style, the tone is warm and nostalgic. The writer does a good enough job communicating this tone, in fact, that the generous use of ellipses (...) throughout the text is quite unnecessary. After a while, it gets quite distracting, really. There are numerous grammatical and spelling problems, too. The ending, while appropriate in spirit, is handled too swiftly and clumsily to be fully effective.

Rating: 8

"Clockwork" by Adrian Hunter (adrianhunter-at-geocities-dot-com).  Guest review by DG.
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=355961847

So what has Celeste got for me here... Adrian Hunter, that name sounds familiar...yes, I've read a couple of his stories.  B and D, S and M, that sort of thing.  Master and slave, pain and humiliation, and all that.  Don't remember being all that impressed.  Now, now, DG old fellow, have to keep an open mind as a reviewer.  

OK, lets take a quick scan through this one...1100 words, that's all?  Can't really do much in 1100 words, can you?  At least this won't take forever. Might as well start reading.

OK, we've got a female executive...she's at work, chewing out her secretary. Not in a good mood this morning, to put it mildly.  OK, now she's telling us why...ouch!   No wonder.  That *would* be distracting, wouldn't it?  Hmmm. Have to admit, I kind of like the thought of her going through the work day like that.  All that perverted nastiness going on under her neat, conservative clothes.  Better her than me, though.  

Yep, it's going to be a long day for her.  Now, instead of getting some work done, she's thinking about the guy who put her in this predicament.  Her lover, if you can call someone who would do that to her a lover.  Ahh...yes, she's plotting her revenge.  Ouch!  A little taste of his own medicine, good thinking.  Wow!  Quite an imagination she's got.  He's going to be sorry he ever messed with this woman, that's for sure.  Or maybe not.  That's the real funny part isn't it?  Can pain really equal pleasure?  They say that if you go far enough to the right and the left on the political spectrum, the views start to come together instead of diverging.  

So that's it, the end of the story - that didn't take long.  Now, what did I think of it?  Let's lean back and give it a little thought.  Whoops!  What's going on there down in my pants?  Things are getting a little tight all of a sudden.  Sheesh, I didn't even notice that happening.  Well, you can't argue with results.  I guess you can do something in 1100 words after all. 

Ratings for "Clockwork"  
Athena (technical quality): 10  
Venus (plot & character): 9
DG (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Melody" by Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com). Guest review by Bookman.
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=355043924

Crimson leads off her introduction to this piece by calling it a "strange story that defied classification."   She's (? - yes, I know I'm making an assumption there, but there's a feminine aspect to the telling that's hard to argue with) right.

Terri, the narrator, and Melody were competitors for the same high-level corporate job.  Melody won.  Terri doesn't hold a grudge, but is curious about this mystery woman who refuses to follow the unwritten rules.  Then, after a drunken company Christmas party, Terri receives a painful cry for help.  It's Melody. . .

If you define a sex story as 'hump, pump, bump, and scream', then this short tale isn't a sex story.  Virtually all physicality happens off stage.  But it is a story with sex at its core; sex as motivator, driver, and destroyer. (Actually, it's less a story than a part of one; it would make a good segment to an hour TV drama, but it's a little rickety standing alone.  But that's another soapbox.)  Melody's revelations to Terri set the stage for an uncomfortable, unrealized denouement.  You're left knowing that this episode in these women's lives is not over, just over for now.

I can't rate the story as a complete success, but it is an excellent well- outlined beginning.  Some stories leave you satisfied, this one leaves you wanting more.  Not entirely a bad way to go.

Athena (technical): 9 (a few small errors, nothing that will 
      get in the reader's way)
Aphrodite (general sensual appeal): 3
Apollo (appeal to reviewer): 7

"Pool Table" by ALS135 (ALS135@aol.com). Guest review by Sven the Elder, who may be contacted at Sven@brass-neck.demon.co.uk.

This story is basic, in fact a description of basic raw anal sex. There is little in the way of plot, other than the description of the act.  We learn little of the characters, less of the what's and why-fores of the occurrence. In the end, the description tends towards the mechanical, as does the act. There is little to excite the reader unless a blunt rather terse description is your thing. I have nothing against anal sex, indeed one day I may even get the chance to try it, who knows.  From this, frankly rather brutal description, it not only sounds unpleasant, but also dangerous.  It has to be said that the recipient does appear to enjoy it though. If a fairly terse description is your turn on, this may be for you, as you may guess, as it stands it does little for me.

Ratings for "Pool Table" 
Athena (technical quality):  8 - it meets Celeste's averages.
Venus   (plot & character):  7 - little or none.
Sven  (appeal to reviewer):  8 - Sorry not my turn on.

* "The Forgetful Husband" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com).  
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358537552

This author usually gets nearly perfect ratings from me, but as I started this story, I shook my head and felt my pussy.  It was dry.  My pussy, that is. The story was too slow - all shopping and talking and no sex.  And besides, I knew exactly where the story was going: the man had apparently forgotten their wedding anniversary, but he was going to surprise her with a romantic evening and blissful sex.  I mean, this was alt.sex.stories, not alt.sex.shopping, wasn't it?

Well, the story DID go where I thought it would, but there were a few interesting twists when we got there.  It turned out that the slow pace at the beginning made the hot stuff later on seem hotter.  This turned into a very sexy, romantic story.

Ratings for "The Forgetful Husband" 
Athena (technical quality): 10 
Venus (plot & character): 10 
Venus (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Erotic Foolishness" by Renae Nicks (RenaeNicks@aol.com).  
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358010906
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358010902

The woman has broken up with her boyfriend after a long relationship and has befriended a guy whose girlfriend lives far away.  Things start out platonic and cool, but they warm up quickly.  What I liked best about this story was that the sex was both hot and realistic.  For example, on one crucial occasion the female narrator is having her period when the guy stops by and urgently wants to express his affection for her.  They find a way to do it that is both romantic and likely to happen in real life.  The story has an air of wistful nostalgia that adds to its impact.

The story has a few grammar and style glitches.  For example: "His dick was a little longer and thinner than the one I was used to, which was actually a bit easier for me to deal with."  Whose penis did the cocksucker savor?  Actually, the grammatical connection is to the dick she was used to (Mark's), but I THINK she meant to express approbation for the longer and thinner one (Brian's) which was being engulfed by her eager mouth.  It's imperfect style to use "which" to refer to an entire clause or to an implied idea; and this usage is an especially bad idea when there is a nearby noun to which the "which" might be applied.  

"I felt badly about how things ended the other night."  One of the problems my husband faces in sleeping with an English teacher is the copulative verb. Over the years he has learned that if I say I feel GOOD because he feels WELL, this means that he is fondling me adeptly.  If I feels good because he feels GOOD, this means that he is in a state of euphoria that is having a secondary benefit applicable to me.  It all works out quite well in practice, but the point is the speaker probably felt BAD (not badly) about how things ended up that other night.  And when you think about it, things weren't all that bad, because things went well when they made up, which was good, which is an apparent violation of the "which" rule in the previous paragraph.

Here's some friendly advice to potential authors: even if you have a good story, consider the possibility of having somebody other than yourself look at it before you go to press.  If you need help finding a reader, let me know, and I'll match you up with somebody from my free proofreading service.

Ratings for "Erotic Foolishness"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Honeymoon" by Parker.
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358677586

{This is one of the first reviews I ever wrote - back in CR 4. I have reread the story and the review, and I still stand by this review.  I have modified it only by changing my former rating of 3 to the current tripartate rating of 10, 5, 3.}

After giving the preceding three stories high ratings, I sat down at my computer to read my first Parker story.  This one is about a man who gives his beautiful young wife a surprise gift for their honeymoon - her former English professor as a sex slave.  Needless to say, she had been a prissy but sexy bitch (so far that sounds accurate), and so she probably deserved this reduction to chattel servitude.  They humiliate her in various ways while they satisfy their sexual urges.  The story also gives a description of this alleged slave trade.  If this really happens, it's a bunch of crap.  

I'm trying not to be a prude.  I see the point in and actually enjoyed the voyeurism in deirdre's "Couch." I also gave a high rating to "Run," which had an sm/slavery twist; but it didn't dwell on how much fun it would be to degrade someone.  In "Dreamwalk" the neighbor dominates the man who narrates the story; but it's actually a nice kind of domination - she actually likes the guy.  I'm not trying to be unfriendly; and I realize there are valid differences in lifestyles and interests.  But when somebody writes a story that describes how interesting it would be to turn a passerby into a degraded specimen of a human being (granted, she was already an English teacher), am I being a bigot to say that this is really kind of sick and to worry about the mental health of people who enjoy this kind of garbage?  

I would appreciate serious comments, not flames.  I'm really trying to understand.  Here's the crux of the question:  If Jeffrey Dahmers wrote a grammatically correct, clear, detailed description of how he drilled holes into the heads of his victims while they were still alive and then had sex with them before he killed and ate them, am I supposed to accept this as a "lifestyle choice"?  And if I found my husband jacking off while he was reading this description after Dahmers published it on a.s.s., would I be paranoid to think he had a serious problem?  

Ratings for "Honeymoon"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 3

* "American As..." by Deidre Ng (patriotic sex). 
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=357059004
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=357058982

Sirens blare in the background!  Fireworks explode!  Confetti and brightly colored balloons waft gently to the ground.  No; this is NOT again the 1000th story I have reviewed; this time the pyrotechnics, etc., are part of the story.  Deidre Ng has become an American citizen!  To celebrate, she and her sister and their boyfriends do something uniquely American - they go to Chinatown.

This is a hilariously sexy story.  It's possible, of course, that the author is not trying to be funny or sexy - that she may merely be relating the events that filled an important evening in the life of a Chinese-Canadian woman celebrating her enfranchisement and standing topless in the ladies' restroom yelling sexual innuendoes at her equally untopped but more outspoken sister. Serves 'em right - those sweaters were like fashion foreplay anyway.

Or, as David put it

"I mean you look really sexy in that outfit."
"So sexy you have to fuck me even before I can take it off?"
"Overpoweringly sexy."
"Now that I'm a citizen, don't I get a vote on the subject?"
"You'll have to hold an erection to vote on that."
"Planning on stuffing the ballot box, are you?"

I constantly tell my students to find a main idea and to stick to it.  This delightful story proves that I don't know what I am talking about.

Ratings for "American As..."
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Ginger-with-a-D and the Hunk-and-a-Half" by Erin Halfelven (erotonomicon@hotmail.com). 
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358921905

{Note: The author has revised the story and has eliminated the //double slashes// that used to indicate emphasis.  This renders a major part of my review otiose.  I've always wanted to use that word in a sentence.}

This story contains a lightbulb joke with a wrong answer.  The question is, "How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?"  The right answer is, "Just one.  But you need an awful big lightbulb to fit inside with him."  You can read the story for the author's answer.

This author has an interesting style.  She should probably upgrade her grammar by using more periods and semicolons, but the point I want to make here is that she uses //double slashes// to indicate emphasis.  The way the author uses these, I can almost here her talking like a stereotypical blonde bimbo. Don't get on my case.  Some of my best friends are blondes, but the blonde jokes //are// funny.   For example, "Have you ever seen blondes making love on TV?  No, they keep falling off."

Anyway, Ginger has //red// hair, and these double slashes work a lot better if you switch to Times rather than New York font.  The title had me going, because I thought maybe the D was her bra size, but it's really her last name - Ginger Rodgers with a D, no relation.

So Ginger is a big girl, and she needs a big man, one of which comes into her office at the bank, where everyone ogles her but shows no signs of sexual harassment, even though they seem to ask her to get things off high shelves more than the average American Bear.  So the guy asks her out to lunch, and she takes him to a restaurant with big boobs - er, big //booths//.  My mistake regarding the preceding word is understandable, since the size of the booth is irrelevant.  They don't fuck until they get to his apartment later that evening. It turns out the guy even has a big //tongue// for chrissake.  Well, a hard guy is good to find, especially a big, hard guy in this case.  So after the preliminary orgasms, when he says he'd like to tie her up for the next blowjob, she offers to tie //him// up instead.  //Dayem!// Do they have a good time!

This is not really a great work of literature.  I mean it doesn't have much of a //plot// or anything like that.  But I really like the tone of the story. It's what my British friends might call //cheeky//.  I suspect that this author is going to do something creative {like have someone //proofread// her stories or maybe work on the plot a little} someday; and then we're going to be treated to some //really// great stuff.  However, I've had just about enough of the <<<double slashes>>>.

Ratings "Ginger-with-a-D"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

* "Office Girl" by Parker (an210088@anon.penet.fi).  
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=359201405

The college girl has accepted a boring summer job.  Someone from another company offers her a large amount of money for some survey results.  She agrees to the terms, but she gets caught stealing the information.  Either she must do what her superiors demand or they will report her to the police.  She has become that saddest wretch of a.s.s. - the moral (or immoral) equivalent of the trapped tenant farmer or coal miner locked into the company store; she has become a sex slave.  The story describes in detail some creative forms of humiliation to keep the girls ensnared in what used to be called white slavery.

After I originally posted this review (consisting of the preceding paragraph), somebody asked me why I didn't object to this story, as I often do to stories that portray degradation.  The reason is simple: Parker portrays this young woman as realistically degraded.  He does not try to foist off on us the notion that she has somehow reached a higher level of self-actualization by letting people humiliate her.  She's been seduced in a demonically clever way. That's sad, but it's also interesting; and that's what makes this a pretty good story.

Ratings for "Office Girl"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

* "Power and the Word" by Taria (tariat@aol.com).  
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/7309.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/7341.txt

I labeled this story "interracial sex."  I could have perhaps labeled it "emerging sexuality," since the narrator's increasing self-awareness in the context of her sexuality and black literature is the main theme of this story. I went with the "interracial" label mostly because I wanted to show you that it's possible to have interracial sex without monster cocks and white girls who love to be called sluts.

Cleanthe is a young black woman who has arisen from her poverty to attend college at Columbia University.  She is intensely attracted to her professor of African-American Literature, who is a white man.  The story describes the development of that relationship.

This is an excellent story.  It does a marvelous job of integrating into the story line poetry and sensible insights about a person's personality.  This is the sort of story that I would love to have my students read; but I can't, because the Puritans who control American school systems severely harass teachers who try to introduce this level of realism into literature classes. So I'll just ban it instead, and that way my students will find it and read it on their own.

Ratings for "Power and the Word"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "A Dark and Stormy Night" by Ann Douglas.  
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=169073359 
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=169073844 
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=168871025 
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=169073768 

This author has written several stories about women's first sexual experiences with another woman.  I am over 40 years old and have still never made physical love to another woman, and I have no plans of ever doing so.  Nevertheless, I found this story, which describes an evening when two teenagers who have been long-time girlfriends first make physical love to each other, to be both romantic and arousing.  

Right now there numerous "abstinence" commercials on American television, stating that it is a good idea to remain celibate until marriage.  I think it's possible and even sensible to agree with the abstinence philosophy and to like this story.

When I was a 17-year-old, I was still a virgin and I think all of my best friends were too.  I played a lot of sports - largely, I think, because my parents wanted me to keep my mind off sex.  My close friends and I became really good athletes and developed interesting personalities without having to worry about making love to one another.  This worked well, and if I could by wishing grant a lifestyle to other teenagers, that's what I would wish for them.  I suppose there are lots of other happy people in the world who took a different course of action, but I'm glad my friends and I acted the way we did.  On the other hand, it really is fun to think back about things that could have happened; and this story is a good start.

I have contended in several previous reviews that I think almost all women could be happy having sex with another woman.  {If getting my pussy eaten by a guy is sexy, why wouldn't it be equally sexy to have a woman's lips locking onto my clitoris?}  I was thoroughly refuted by several a.s.s, readers. Still, I think I personally would have enjoyed the activities described in this story.  I think there's a huge tendency to over-label people as "gay" or "straight."  This unnecessary labeling causes 17-year-old girls to decide that they "are" lesbians just because they feel more strongly attracted to a sensitive female friend than to the immature males of the same age who seem to be interested in nothing but making crude remarks and getting into girls' pants.  It also causes people to be afraid to show their honest emotions for fear of labeling themselves.  This same thought pattern causes people not to enjoy a good story like this because the girls' behavior is thought to be "wrong" in a way different from a boy and girl of the same age engaging in similar behavior.  There's no reason to restrict life choices so narrowly.  My advice is to loosen up, enjoy life, and keep your options open.  And by all means read this story.

The author makes numerous grammatical and usage errors that are probably the result of poor proofreading.  The last time I gave a high rating to an Ann Douglas story, a reader chided me for missing errors like these.  I checked, and he was right; there were numerous mistakes that I had ignored.  The reason I didn't dock her for these mistakes was because they didn't bother me at all. I would appreciate it if Ann would clean up her grammar; but an occasional "it's" instead of "its" is no big deal.  Since I was locked into the meaning of the story, I didn't even notice these mistakes in the previous story.  I suspect that the present story has fewer errors, but I am not going to bother to check.  The story was well written.

This treatment of the emerging sexuality of two teenage girls was both sensitive and sexy.  I strongly recommend it.

Ratings for "A Dark and Stormy Night"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 

* "Sally's Surrender" by Kid Dynamite (an109288@anon.penet.fi).
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=240717365 
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=240717851 
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=240718361 
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=240719239 
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=240720057 

One might expect something silly and immature from an author using the name "Kid Dynamite."  Not so.  This is a cleverly constructed, complex story that comes across very clearly.  As the author points out in the prologue, not many real human beings don't and shouldn't act this way.  It would be a horrible world if they did.

The author uses a highly effective technique of switching viewpoints among several protagonists as he tells his tale: Sally, her mother, her stepfather, the woman from the Society, her husband, the dirty old man who teaches art at the Academy, and others.  With each change of perspective we see the story unfolding as that person alone would have seen it.

At times the action becomes very slow-paced.  I read page after page of the art teacher trying to get a look at the top of Sally's panties and practically shooting his load when he got there.  But art teachers are often like that, I suppose.

The basic story line is that Sally is an extremely attractive and naive 18-year-old who has been home-schooled and taught to give automatic respect to authority by draconian and puritanical parents.  Well, not too puritanical; they're heavily into bdsm and into swinging.  In fact, they have applied to join the Society of Silk, a bizarre but selective group of swingers and sado- masochists whose tentacles reach deep into the Academy, where Sally is blossoming into a grownup woman.  Surprisingly enough, the Dean of the Academy is also the Mistress of the Society!  This is a coincidence.  Really.

So as we near the midpoint of the story, we have young, innocent Sally, sitting in the office of the Dean of the Academy, accused by a teacher of wearing no underpants to school that day - an act in which she has engaged to please her art teacher, who is a benign but disgusting pervert who would probably die to sniff her used tampons - about to be judged by the Mistress of a secret Society of depraved sex offenders to which her own parents belong. It is at this point that the author points out that she's lucky she doesn't have serious problems, like drugs or booze. Right!

Sally's problems get much worse; but I'll let you read the story to find out about that.

The one thing I would do (besides writing a completely different story) would be to vary the style within the segments that take the perspective of each separate protagonist.  As it is, the author uses a very simple style that suits Sally but is not really appropriate for all the others.  The ideas are appropriate, but the way they are expressed is not.

In his prologue the author states that he thinks this story is a vast improvement over his previous venture, "Lessons in Lust."  He's right about that!  This is an excellent example of the misguided asshole genre of literature, which Edgar Alan Poe exemplified so well in his "Telltale Heart." People really enjoy trying to figure out what goes on inside the mind of bizarre people.  Again, as the author points out in the prologue, not many real human beings don't and shouldn't act this way.  It would be a horrible world if they did.

In a way this was an uplifting story.  It made me happy to live in a world of murderers, rapists, politicians, and lawyers.

Ratings for "Sally's Surrender"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 

<end> 
