Celestial Reviews 262 - February 28, 1998

Note:  A Fundamentalist Minister in Alabama, sorely tempted, finally 
propositioned the Choir director one night after practice, when they 
were alone in the Church.

"Where Reverend ?" she enthusiastically replied.

"Right here on the floor." he panted.

"It'd be too cold." she whispered.  "How about standing up ?"

"Good Lord girl.  Have you taken leave of you senses ?" he shouted.  "If 
anyone came in, they'd think we were dancing."

Second note:  There has been some discussion on a.s.s.d. recently about 
"the reviewing process."  Since Celestial Reviews is the main source of 
reviews on this newsgroup, I guess some of that discussion has been 
about CR.  Because the a.s.s.d. newsgroup is so full of spam and because 
AOL gives me no effective way to control spam within a newsgroup, I 
don't have time to follow a.s.s.d. carefully; and so I may have a 
distorted impression of the discussion there.  In fact, I am almost 
CERTAIN that I have a distorted impression, because the main point as I 
understand it is so blatantly silly.

What I see is a complaint that "the reviews" are having an unfortunate 
tendency to weaken the quality of stories by scaring away good authors.  
This happens, supposedly, because a clique of reviewers give low ratings 
in personal preference to stories that they find to be personally 
displeasing.  These critics seem to think that a bunch of friendly 
people like myself and the guest reviewers, who receive no payment at 
all for their services, are supposed to rate stories based solely on 
their "quality," which can be ascertained independently of their 
content.  Either that or we're supposed to selflessly boil down the 
plots of every conceivable story to just a few lines, so that people can 
find the ones that sound good without the annoyance of finding out 
whether we liked the story.  {If that sounds silly, I warned you. I 
suspect I am dealing with a "straw man" here, but that still gives me a 
basis for making the following points.}

First, let me try to point out the basic lack of logic in this argument. 
If I read a story in which a person writes coherent, complete sentences 
with a well-developed plot about how much fun it is to have his wife 
shove shit down his throat while he plays with his own penis, I think I 
have a right to perceive this as abnormal or dysfunctional behavior.  To 
say that this is a well written story would miss the point: it's 
primarily a really silly story, and it's only appropriate that I should 
point this out in a review.  

As for personal attacks, I think we should avoid them.  I personally 
dislike personal attacks when people malign me.  When one "critic" 
berated me for "having no respect for author's rights," I was certainly 
annoyed.  The attack was absolutely preposterous and the person who said 
it should have known better.  On the other hand, he seemed to be a 
decent sort and probably had no idea how abrasive he could be. I let 
that comment slide, and I encourage others to let apparently hostile 
comments slide.  These newsgroups give us a forum in which it is 
sometimes hard to judge the nuances and real meanings of what others 
want to say.  I suppose I am viewed as abrasive sometimes by people to 
whom I intend to be friendly.  So it goes.

If the author in the shit-eating story I mentioned above insisted that 
his was a "true" story, I'm not sure that it would be out of the 
question to consider this author to be a bizarre person.  If one of my 
guest reviewers states that he hated a story because it romanticized 
sociopathic behaviors, I am not going to insist that he say something 
nicer.  I do NOT think that authors "get off the hook" with simple 
disclaimers that "these events are fiction."  If a person writes a bdsm 
story that romanticizes cruelty and gives no basis for accepting this 
scenario as either realistic or a good fantasy - in other words, if the 
story itself pretty clearly says that it is fulfilling both to the 
victim and the perpetrator when one person is brutally cruel to another 
and gives no evidence to show why this is a sensible story - 
then it makes sense to be critical of that story.  

Keep in mind, however, that Edgar Alan Poe wrote GREAT stories in which 
the plots and personalities were bizarre.  Some people on this newsgroup 
do the same.  My humble advice is that when a responsible reviewer says 
a story sucks the author should at least consider the possibility that 
the story could stand substantial improvement.

Certainly, there are other cases where the difference between "normal" 
and "dysfunctional" is not so clear.  Pedophile and incest stories are a 
good example.  As I have said many, many times, I think society's 
prohibition of these behaviors generally makes sense; and I would not be 
upset if people convicted of abusive pedophile behaviors received severe 
punishment.  I also presume and pray that police officers hang around in 
cyberspace and track down perpetrators who abuse real-life children 
through the Internet.

Having said this, I still think it is possible to write a good story 
about pedophilia or incest.  For example, I recall a story by Ann 
Douglas in which a mother was afraid that her son would enter into a bad 
relationship and made tender love to him as a step in preventing a bad 
decision on his part.  I also think it is natural for children to 
fantasize about sex with their parents - isn't that what the Oedipus 
complex is all about? In real life, however, I do NOT think that most 
mothers should play bury the salami with their sons; but I have 
frequently given high ratings to stories that give a sensible depiction 
of pedophile or incestuous behavior.

However, I would venture to say that 90% of the pedo/incest stories 
posted to this newsgroup are childish gibberish - the output of 
adolescent or disturbed imaginations of people who are trying to find 
approval for behaviors that would be harmful to themselves and to 
others.  I have no need to denounce these people as evil or as perverts; 
in fact, I assume most of them are good people.  But it seems to me that 
it should not be surprising that a lot of these stories are not worth 
recommending.

As a non-pedo/incest person, can I review these stories?  Certainly I 
can.  I just may not WANT to spend my time on them very often - because 
stories that are outright silly or that romanticize destructive 
behaviors are not a lot of fun for me to read.

I honestly feel that I give a fair break to stories that are based on 
value systems, premises, and life experiences that are different from my 
own.  Although many of my guest reviewers decline to review pedo/incest 
stories, I wish they wouldn't do that so often.  I suspect the reason 
they do so is that they (1) find the task to be unpleasant or (2) feel 
they will say negative things about the story because it seems 
objectively negative to them.  I think the first is a good reason, and 
the second not as good.

Anyway, I hope you continue to enjoy these Celestial Reviews.  If the 
"appeal to reviewer" rating bothers you, just skip it.

Personally, I consider these "reviews" to be more than reviews.  For 
example, I am not so stupid as to believe that my "review" of DG's "Call 
of Desire" was really a review of that story - it was a story itself, 
using DG's story as a jump-off point.  At other times I inject anecdotes 
from my own life into a review or poke fun at an author. I believe I am 
generally writing essays that lots of people enjoy. I take great 
pleasure in doing this, and my readers seem to like what I write.  Many 
of the guest reviewers prefer a different style of interacting with 
authors and reviewers, and I encourage them to keep right on being 
themselves.  These stories can be fun, and the reviews can make them 
even more enjoyable.

Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews 
for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.

- Celeste

      "Just This Once" by Jordan Shelbourne (romantic bdsm)
            10, 10, 10
          http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=328591257
      "Arg" by OddManOut (barbarian rape) 9, 9, 9
          http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=328602152
      "Paying for the Ride" by Spoonbender (elevator rape)
            9, 7, 5
          http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327664759
      "Roadside Encounter" by Tom Bombadil (abduction fantasy)
            10, 10, 10
      "Two Women, Two Fantasies" by DG (fantasy fulfillment)
            10, 10, 10
          http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327426360	
      "Sacrificial Lamb" by Tiffany (sexual degradation) 7, 5, 3
          http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=315128607
          http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=315128602

Guest Reviews: 

      "Transparent Like Glass" by sfmaster (criminal sex) 9, 10, 9
          http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=325300334
      "Camping Out" by Val White (kiddy orgy) 8, 6, 4
          http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=328602198
          http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=329250798
      "Border Crossing" (MF MF) by Fenris (strip search & rape) 
            8, 9, 9
          http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=324869379
          http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/8425.txt
      "Until Dawn" by Kelly (romantic D/s) 8, 9, 9
          http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=324869346
      "Angela and Debbie Play Ten Questions" by the Warthog
            (consensual gangbang) 9, 9, 9
          http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=313835419
          http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/7055.txt

Reposted Reviews:

    * "Snarl" by Uther Pendragon (playful sex) 10, 8, 9
          http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=194301848
    * "Woman2Woman" by Candy Kane" (ff computer show 
            sex) 9.27A
          http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=329250794

* = Repost of previous review (because the story has recently been
      reposted)

"Just This Once" by Jordan Shelbourne (jordan@u36.com).  The 
author's stories are available at http://www.u36.com/jordan.

For her 21st birthday Becky has arranged a semi-blind date with an older 
married man she has met on the Internet.  As soon as he meets her, he 
asks her to insert a butt plug, and she acquiesces.  Then they go out to 
dinner - nouvelle cuisine.  Plausible?  Well, I guess it depends on what 
they have already talked about via email.  At the restaurant he gives 
her a safe word and a quit sentence.  And they're off to the races.

I'm not a big bdsm fan myself, but I really enjoyed this story.  It's 
intelligent - not childish.  It focuses not on degradation or 
humiliation, but on the mutual pleasure of both partners.  Even if I 
never do this myself, this story has broadened my horizons.  I like that 
kind of story a lot.
 
Ratings for "Just This Once"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Arg" by OddManOut (oddman0ut@hotmail.com).  The name "Arg" not only 
designates the hero of this story, it also suggests his IQ, or at least 
his level of civilization. In programs like Mathematica and Matlab "Arg" 
is the term used to refer to the argument of a given function.  The 
monosyllabic and eponymous hero of this story is not a mathematician, 
and his functions are severely limited.  In this story, 'Arg' is the 
name of a barbarian warrior.  Those of you who found this story through 
DejaNews in a quest for tips on Mathematica or Matlab will be 
disappointed.  Instead, this story contains graphic depictions of non-
consensual sex in a fantasy setting.  So be warned!

Apparently Arg has single-handedly conquered a band of warriors who owe 
allegiance to the evil warlord Balrag.  Among Arg's booty is the 
beautiful young Nala.  He feeds her and fucks her.  In fact, he pops her 
cherry and makes her enjoy it.  I've never been raped by a barbarian - 
or even by a lawyer, for that matter - but the description seemed 
realistic.

The author seems to play a little loose with his language.  For example, 
I don't know what he means by a "harrier," and wigwams were specialized 
dwellings used by a limited number of American Indians, and North 
America does not seem to be the setting of this story.

Ratings for "Arg"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Paying for the Ride" by Spoonbender 
(Theodore@spoonbender.demon.co.uk).  Lawrence has invited Beth to 
dinner.  The invitation is for an awkward time, but Beth seems to 
like Lawrence (who is wealthy), and so she accepts the invitation.  
Besides, its at Horizons, one of the most interesting restaurants 
in Toronto.

Now here's where my cultural ignorance puts me at a disadvantage.  
The woman gives her last money to the cab driver, and then she 
discovers that she has to pay twelve dollars to ride the elevator 
to the restaurant.  The elevator operator lets her ride for free, 
enigmatically saying that he'll be paid later.  The operator is 
accompanied by two Mafia-style goons, who hold Beth while he rapes 
her.  My cultural problem is that I don't understand (1) why a 
person would have to pay to ride an elevator to meet someone in a 
restaurant, (2) why she couldn't call ahead and get someone to 
summon her boyfriend to help her, and (3) why there are no laws 
against raping women in elevators in Toronto.  I guess maybe this 
is what the author meant when he said he exercised some artistic 
license.

Anyway, since rape is inevitable, she relaxes and enjoys it.  
Actually, she doesn't enjoy it.  She hates it.  But she enjoys it.  
But she hates it.  But she agrees to do it again right away with 
another guy.

I want to avoid moralizing - I really do; and so don't take this 
as moral disapproval.  However, I'm not convinced that the author 
has set up a good enough context to make me believe that this 
woman would react to a rape quite the way she does.

And we STILL don't know how she's going to pay for the cab ride 
home!

Ratings for "Paying for the Ride"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5

"Roadside Encounter" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com).  A man 
and his wife are having one of those to-tell-the-truth sessions, 
and he is relating to her an interesting sexual escapade from his 
college days.

I don't want to give you all the details.  He is walking home from 
a late-night study session, when a senior girl invites him into 
her van.  He is blindfolded and is promised a good time if he 
follows instructions.  You can well imagine what those 
instructions might be.

While the man is relating this story, his wife is giving him one 
hot ride.  Although the wife never speaks and the husband only 
vaguely describes what she is doing to him (because he's trying to 
concentrate on the to-tell-the-truth story, of course), I managed 
to get a rather inspiring picture of what was happening to him.  
This was a very good storytelling technique.

Another excellent story!

Ratings for "Roadside Encounter"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Two Women, Two Fantasies" by DG (dionysian1@hotmail.com).  The 
author's stories are archived at 
http://www.io.com/~thebear/dgidx.htm.

Two couples are partying together and decided that it would be 
great to have the wives write down their deepest, darkest 
fantasies and share them with their husbands, who will help bring 
the fantasies to fruition.  A few days later one couple has a bdsm 
fantasy, the other is getting the massage of her life.

I can't tell you much more, except to say that the author adds a 
postscript indicating that he laughed his ass off when he thought 
of the idea.  The story also reminded me of the time my sister-in-
law was in charge of assigning names for the Christmas present 
exchange, and she assigned everyone her own name.

Actually, the title is wrong: there are MORE than two fantasies in 
this story.

I started this story with some apprehension, but I wound up 
laughing my own ass off.

Ratings for "Two Women, Two Fantasies"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Sacrificial Lamb" by Tiffany. The husband has lost the family fortune 
and has gone away to try to get a job.  Mom is going to have to move in 
with Sis and her gang of dysfunctional weirdoes.  In order for Mom and 
the virgin daughter to survive, the daughter is going to have to satisfy 
the sexual needs of these sadistic perverts.  Mom doesn't like the idea, 
of course; but she has an orgasm every time she even thinks about 
sacrificing her cute little sex kitten for the good of the family.

When they get off the bus to meet their relatives, they find that plans 
have changed a little.  There's a bit with an elderly black guy and the 
news that Ginger's cherry will be popped by a neighbor (in exchange for 
a pig), and the kids are even dumber than we have been led to believe.

These people make Arg seem positively polysyllabic.

Then the story stops.

I had really expected something better than this.  As it is, this story 
has value primarily as a satire - a really bad satire - on the theory of 
sexual relativity.

Ratings for "Sacrificial Lamb"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 3

"Transparent Like Glass" by sfmaster@worldnet.att.net. Our hero tends 
bar, and a lovely lady customer makes a pass. After a while she proposes 
the pair of them commit a big robbery she's planned, The lovers will 
make their fortunes and leave the country together. It doesn't turn out 
like that. The sex is hot and straight, though oddly one-sided. 

>Unlike the quick rutting of our earlier sex, this time I slowed the 
tempo
>even as I raised her to greater heights of passion and orgasm.

The hero obviously belongs to the man as violinist, woman as violin 
school of lovemaking - whereas I like to fiddle about on my own account.

The sex is the least important part. I find this story difficult because 
I'm still not sure why I like it. Raymond Chandler is, in my view, one 
of the great writers of this century. And there is something, just a 
tiny smidgen, of his laconic beat in this - though none of his lyricism. 
And yet is this trace any more than the effect Chandler's work has had 
on every PI narrative since? Who can tell? Not this reviewer. I've read 
this story three times slowly, and I can tell you what's wrong with it, 
but I'm still not sure what's right. Though there's a lot more right 
than wrong.

In some ways this story is very cliched, but it worked for me. Which is 
weird in itself, because there are a number of typos, and errors. 
Glitches in formatting, typos, misspellings - all these things usually 
put me off my stride as a reader but they didn't bother me much this 
time. The author clearly can produce perfect copy, just hasn't in this 
instance. I sympathize - I've done it too in my impatience to post, but 
I've had to take a mark off.

I think it's the pace that works so well. There's a rhythm to the story, 
and this works. And the level of detail is well judged. I could see it 
unrolling like a movie. Kim Basinger as the heroine. Gerard Depardieu as 
the hero, maybe. Choose your own cast, but you get the picture. Along 
these means streets stumbles a flummoxed reviewer.

Ratings for "Transparent Like Glass"
Athena (technical quality): 9 
Venus (plot & character): 10
Bronwen (appeal to reviewer): 9 - not sexy, but I liked it.

"Camping Out" by Val White (e-mail val72@hotmail.com). Guest Review by 
BillyG.

I have nothing against a formulaic method of writing.  Hell, at root,  
most stories follow some sort of outline and many are very successful.  
No, I don't object to a formula per se, just one that's too simplistic 
perhaps.

The story "Camping Out" appears to adopt the belief that if one is good, 
two is better, and three is better yet.  It's the numbers' game of 
writing a story about sex.  The fallacy, of course, lies in the fact 
that more people involved in sexual acts are not more sexy.

Too, it stretches credibility when we're asked to embrace the scenario 
of three, 13-year-old boys, each with four-inch dicks, all of whom love 
to get it on together.  That they can masturbate each other, suck each 
other, and even fuck each other in the ass, strains our capacity to 
identify a bit more.  Then we're given some relief to learn that they 
aren't really homosexual because they don't kiss one another!  Whew!  
Had me worried for a moment.

Too humdrum?  Enter three, 13-year-old girls in this `camping out' story 
of seduction and sexual abandon.  They too have discovered the 
convenience as well as the pleasure of same-sex activities.  But don't 
worry, they're really there to get it on with the boys.  

Gosh, I didn't mean to give away the entire plot!  Oh well.  It's the 
action, not the plot anyway.

So, what do we have, aside from the formulaic `more is better' trap, 
coupled with round-heeled chicks?  Not much.  

This type of story would be better told were it about characters that 
appeared real, in a less contrived situation and with some elements of 
seduction.  

Ratings for "Camping Out"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 6
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 4

"Border Crossing" by Fenris (mailto:fenriskw@aol.com)
DejaNews link: http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=324869379
ASSM Archive link: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/8425.txt
Review by The Bear (mailto:thebear@io.com)

This story is about two American girls on vacation in Europe. As their 
train makes a night-time crossing from Switzerland into Italy, a guard 
comes to their compartment and finds two joints that one of the girls 
has in her backpack. He calls another guard to the compartment and they 
search the girls' luggage, then the girls themselves. Guess what - the 
guards start groping the girls during the body frisk, then strip them 
and have sex with them, and of course the girls both enjoy every minute 
of it.

The story is written from the point of view of Paige, one of the two 
girls involved. The only problem with using this single POV comes when 
the sex begins and Paige has to do double duty, narrating her own 
experience and also watching her friend Julie and describing what is 
happening to her. Paragraph by paragraph the narrative begins to flip 
back and forth between Paige-as-Paige and Paige- watching-Julie. At 
times it was difficult to determine what was being done to whom. (It 
didn't help that the guards had no names or even labels -- just "the 
guard that was fucking Paige" and "the guard that was fucking Julie" -- 
even calling them "the tall guard" and "the short guard" would have been 
some improvement.)

There is precious little plot or character development, other than Paige 
being afraid of the guards and then deciding that she is enjoying "the 
strongest sexual experience of her young life." On the other hand, there 
isn't room for much development in this story -- it is all action, 
crammed into a fairly short span of time. The level of development is 
appropriate to the story.

Here is where the "appeal to reviewer" rating may be helpful to someone 
trying to decide whether or not to read this story. Despite the problems 
in describing who does what to whom, the story does get pretty hot as 
Paige gets bent over her bunk and boinked from behind, all the while 
watching "the other guard" slide his big fat cock first into Julie's 
pussy and then between her large breasts. Bottom- line, if I happen to 
run across this story in a repost or something a month from now, I'd 
probably consider it worth my time to read it again. If you find any of 
the story description in this review even mildly exciting, you'll 
probably like the story as well.

Ratings for "Border Crossing":
Athena (technical merit): 8
Venus (plot and character): 9
Bear (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Angela and Debbie Play Ten Questions" by the Warthog 
(mailto:warthog@boxtwo.com)
DejaNews link: http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=313835419
ASSM Archive link: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/7055.txt
Review by The Bear (mailto:thebear@io.com)

I don't know if Celeste knew that I was a Warthog fan before she sent me 
this story, but I feel that I should mention it so that you can take it 
into account in reading this review. BTW, this story and others by the 
Warthog are available at his website at 
http://www.voicenet.com/~cgstorys/warthog/warthog.html .

This is a good, solid, sexy story, but I'm afraid it is not quite up to 
the standards of the Warthog's previous work. I noticed more technical 
mistakes than I have in the past, although part of that may be that I 
was reading this one for a review and thus paying more attention to 
details. None of the Warthog's short stories go into great amounts of 
plot and character development, and this one was no exception, but I 
thought the development was appropriate for the story that was told. 
Unfortunately, where this one fell down was in the area that the Warthog 
usually excels, which is in exciting, sexy narrative of consensual 
gangbang scenes.

This story tells of a 'contest' conducted every month by the members of 
a college football team. Two members of the team scout the local pickup 
bars for likely babes, and the ones that can answer all ten questions in 
the affirmative share $1000 and the privilege of servicing the whole 
team at a gangbang party. On this particular evening Angela and Debbie 
pass the test and go back to the athletic dorm to meet the team. There 
is a hot sequence of Debbie making it with the narrator in the car on 
the way to the dorm, and then going 'around the world' with another guy 
when she gets to the dorm. Then the whole gangbang with the rest of the 
team is reduced to a simple summary of events in four paragraphs, and 
the story is over.

The sex that is here is hot and well-told, but Angela and the football 
team might as well not have been included. This would have been an 
exciting story of one girl with two guys, but it simply doesn't live up 
to the promise of its beginning. I still liked it, and I'd recommend it 
for just about any reader -- hey, I gave it a 9:9:9 rating -- it just 
didn't meet my expectations.

Ratings for "Angela and Debbie Play Ten Questions":
Athena (technical merit): 9
Venus: (plot and character): 9
Bear: (appeal to reviewer): 9


"Until Dawn" By Kelly Merriwether (kelly5323@mailexcite.com).  Guest 
review by Sandman (sandman@bitsmart.com).

This review is broken up into two parts.  One part is for you, the 
constant reader.  The other part is for the author (who requested some 
detail) or anyone who really wants to know what works and what does not 
in an erotica story, at least in my humble opinion.  To those who wish 
to grumble about the blind leading the blind or the blind leading the 
sighted, I'm sure the author would be more than thrilled if you read the 
story and sent her your own criticisms (or lack thereof).  

General Review: This story is about a man who receives a very, very nice 
birthday present in the form of Kelly who promises to be his slave 
"Until Dawn."  Kelly may have any relationship the reader wants (wife, 
girlfriend, other) since it is never mentioned.  What follows is a very 
detailed and graphic encounter including several varied positions and 
toys.  The sex here is entirely consensual though since Kelly is new to 
the submissive role she stumbles (charmingly so in my opinion) on a few 
occasions.   

In short, a brief introduction followed by page after page of sex. This 
should make most people very happy.  Those who like to step into the 
dominance/submission game and come running out giggling like fools will 
probably idolize this story.  It also works as an introductory to the 
genre as well.  There really aren't many "serious" D/S cherry busting 
stories out there and this one makes a fairly good stab at introducing 
the appeals.

Detailed Review: There are several things that worked in this story. 
First, Kelly was left relationship free, even age and physique free so 
the reader is free to fill in the blanks (My Kelly remarkably resembled 
Darma from "Darma and Greg" your results may vary) . Another very good 
point was the premise, giving one's self as a present has been done 
before of course but this fell within the tastefully handled category.  
The most important good point however was Kelly who, unused to being a 
submissive, stumbles a bit in her role. I personally very much enjoyed 
the fumbling.  

There are a few technical problems with this story.  The first problem, 
is a lack of transitions.  Transitions are words that smooth the reading 
from sentence to sentence.  Without Transitions you tend to get a story 
that reads like a government approved manual (He did this, he did that, 
he went up, he went down, she rolled her eyes in dismay).  With 
transitions the reading is more varied and I've been taught that is a 
good thing (He did this, then he did that, blissfully he went down, 
however he did not enjoy going up as much, especially when she rolled 
her eyes in dismay).  

Second, this story is written in what is called third person omniscient. 
That is the narrator (invisible) tries to explore the feelings of both 
the man and the woman:  He felt incredibly good as he plunged his 
swollen cock down her throat. But Kelly was in a panic as she found 
herself unable to breath.  There is rarely such a balanced approach as 
the story (or the reader) seeks a natural focus.  This story tends to 
focus on the man while at times confuses the reader by changing the 
focus to the woman and then back to the man again.

It actually would have made more sense to follow the woman more closely 
than the man.  While it's true the man was the beneficiary of an unusual 
gift, it was the woman who was by far the more interesting as she 
struggled in an unusual role for her, it was also the woman who CHANGED.   
In my opinion this story would have been even better if the author had 
chosen to write in first person from the woman's point of view: I 
stepped up to him and said, "I'm yours until dawn."

These are, however, nit-picks and placed in this review for the authors 
benefit.  In actuality I did enjoy this story though it was a bit 
outside of my preferred "sex between equals" domain.    It's my belief 
that this author does show great promise, and I do recommend you read 
this story if only to anticipate that which is to cum - er come. 

Ratings for "Until Dawn"
Athena (technical quality): 8-- Needs transitions otherwise very 
      nice.
Venus (plot & character): 9   -- Good idea, point off for the forced
      male perspective.
Sandman (appeal to reviewer): 8 - An enjoyable story.

*  "Snarl" by Uther Pendragon (nobody@REPLAY.COM).  This is an 
interesting snippet that describes the playful sexual exchanges 
between a husband and wife while he helps her get the snarls out 
of her beautiful, long hair.  I have given this author so many 
perfect ratings recently that I feel compelled to find excuses for 
giving ratings of less than 10.  There's nothing wrong with this 
story; it's just short a short chunk of the life of two people in 
love rather than a complete story.  But it's still very good.

Ratings for "Snarl"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

* "Woman2Woman" by Candy Kane  (GQKZ45C@prodigy.com).  Guest review by 
M1KE Hunt.

"Woman2Woman" is a fun read, zippy and straightforward, with few 
distractions to pull you away from the story of the seduction of one 
woman by another.  Christine and Laura are sales reps at a computer 
show, and meet each other while standing on the floor for 10 hours 
fending off propositions from men. At one point in the shared cab ride 
back to the hotel, Christine, the narrator, asks ""Is getting laid the 
only reason these guys come here?" This is one of the few distractions, 
because the answer, obviously, is "yes." I've been to computer shows.

The girls retreat to their hotel rooms, wherein Laura offers to give 
Christine a massage to relieve her stress. You'll be shocked to find out 
that they both end up nude, make gentle love with one another, and spend 
the next several days sneaking kisses in the employee lounge, squatting 
at the display to show each other their pussies, and generally having a 
lovely time.

The plot is not complicated, and it's been done before, but then haven't 
they all? "Woman2Woman" suffers only from a half-dozen obvious editing 
errors, such as "positioning her bare legs on each side of my." My what? 
And there are words that the spell check thought were OK, but a quick 
proofreading would have caught, such as "spend" for "spent." OK, it's 
niggling, but if I didn't catch at least a couple of grammatical errors, 
I wouldn't be doing my job as a reviewer, right?

I give "Woman2Woman" a "9.27A" rating on the open ended "Verschlumpt" 
scale, a logarithmic evaluation schedule I've designed based on plot, 
sexuality, spelling, taste, today's Dow Jones results and other logical 
factors such as whether it's Tuesday or not.

{end of review}

GRAMMAR TIP OF THE WEEK: QUOTATIONS.  Several people have asked me to 
give some advice on the use of quotations, including quotation marks and 
punctuation.  This is a first draft, and I would appreciate any help on 
getting it into better shape.

DIRECT QUOTATIONS: In general, when you quote someone exactly, put the 
quoted words in quotation marks.  {An exact quotation is often referred 
to as a "direct quotation."}

      He swaggered up to the lady at the bar and said, 
      "What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?"

      She leaned over so that he could see her naked breasts 
      with the nipples pressing out against the bright yellow 
      material and whispered, "Wanna fuck?"

Ordinarily, you should use a comma to separate introductory or 
concluding words from the direct quotation.  This is true whether the 
words that describe the statement come before the direct quotation (as 
in the preceding examples) or after the direct quotation.  When the 
quotation comes before the explanatory statement, the comma replaces a 
period.

      When she realized that he could hold back his orgasm no 
      longer, she said to him, "Come on my tits."

      "Come on my tits," she said to him, when she realized that 
      he could hold back his orgasm no longer.

If the statement precedes the explanatory statement and ends in an 
exclamation point or question mark, keep that punctuation mark INSTEAD 
OF the comma.

      "Wanna fuck?" she asked.
      She purred, "Wanna fuck?"

      As she gently fondled his testicles she continued to lick and 
      suck his penis, causing him to shout, "Eeeeeeeiiiiiiiiii!"

      "Eeeeeeeiiiiiiiiii!" he shouted, as she gently fondled his 
      testicles, while she continued to lick and suck his penis.

      "How badly do you need the money?" the horny hunk 
      asked.

If you want a more formal introduction of the quoted words, use a colon 
instead of a comma.  This more formal introduction will almost always be 
a full sentence.

      She spoke thus: "Wanna fuck?"

      As she gently fondled his testicles she continued to lick and 
      suck his penis, causing him to shout one word: 
      "Eeeeeeeiiiiiiiiii!"

Also, if a quotation is extremely long, use a colon instead of a comma.  
"Long" means different things to different people, and authors vary in 
their application of this rule.  In general, if the quoted statement is 
a single sentence, use a comma to introduce it.  If it is more than a 
single sentence, use a colon - unless the sentences are extremely short.

      She said: "You look like a guy who needs a woman to 
      understand him.  By the looks of that bulge in your pants, 
      you are happy to see me.  My mother told me a hard man 
      is good to find.  I haven't had a good or hard man in a long 
      time.  Wanna fuck?"

      She said, "Wanna fuck?  I sure hope so!"

If the quotation is extremely long - that is, if it goes on for more 
than one paragraph, put quotation marks at the beginning of each 
paragraph.  However, put an end quotation mark only at the end of the 
final paragraph of the quoted statement.  The absence of quotation marks 
at the end of the other paragraphs signifies to the reader that the 
conversation continues in the next paragraph.

If you have a quotation within a quotation, rotate between single and 
double quotation marks.  {Use an apostrophe for the single quotation 
mark.}  In the United States, the double marks go with the outermost 
quotation; in Europe the single marks go with the outermost quotation.

      Peggy Sue said, "I love it when a man comes up to me and
      straight out says to me, 'Wanna fuck?' I don't like men who
      beat around my bush."

An INDIRECT QUOTATION usually does not quote the exact words, but rather 
paraphrases what the speaker said.  An indirect quotation is usually 
introduced by "that" and does not employ quotation marks.

Note that with indirect quotations, the verb tense and some other 
elements of the original statement change to give the right impression 
of the timing of the quoted material with regard to the explanatory 
material.

Sometimes the word "that" is omitted from an indirect quotation.

      Direct quotation: He said, "I want to make love to you."
      Indirect quotation: He said that he wanted to make love 
         to me.
      Indirect quotation: He said he wanted to make love to me.

      Direct quotation: Jethro said to Maribeth, "I'd like to bury 
         my beef bayonet in your haystack tonight."
      Indirect quotation: Jethro said to Maribeth that he'd like to
         bury his beef bayonet in her haystack that night.

Indirect QUESTIONS often begin with "if" or "whether."  In addition, 
they may begin with any word that ordinarily asks a question.  Indirect 
questions do NOT end with a question mark.

      Direct question.  "Wanna fuck?" she asked.
      Indirect question:  She asked me if I wanted to fuck.
      Indirect question:  She asked me whether I wanted to fuck. 
      Indirect question:  She asked me how often  I wanted to 
         fuck. 
      Indirect question:  She asked me how desperately I 
         wanted to fuck.

      Indirect question: He swaggered up to the lady at the bar 
          and asked what a nice girl like her was doing in a 
          place like this.

Although quotation marks are generally not used with indirect 
quotations, sometimes it IS proper to use them in order to emphasize 
that the portion within the quotation marks represent the exact words of 
the original speaker.

      He swaggered up to the lady at the bar and asked what 
      what "a nice girl like her was doing in a place like this."

      She asked me "how desperately" I wanted to fuck.

Note that in the first of the preceding examples the writer changed the 
speaker's words slightly - "is" became "was."  This is normally 
considered to be acceptable.  If you are uncertain whether you have the 
right to alter the speakers words, use a direct quotation.

OTHER WAYS TO HANDLE QUOTATIONS:  In addition to using quotation marks 
and indirect quotations, it is possible to quote people in other ways.

When you are formally quoting a long passage (say, a whole paragraph 
from a book or a major portion of a speech), it may be desirable to set 
the material off in the text by indenting it.  If you do this, introduce 
it with a colon.  Then indent all the quoted material.  A format like 
the following is often desirable:

      While she waited, Peggi read the church bulletin that she
      always carried with her.  The pastor had a sense of humor:

            It seems that two brothers died and went before St. 
            Peter.  The first was a politician who had voted for
            legislation that enriched himself at the expense of
            the poor and downtrodden.  St. Peter sentenced him
            to a very hot part of hell, where his job would be to
            clean up excrement deposited by animals.

            As the man was leaving, he saw his brother, who had 
            been an unscrupulous lawyer, but who now had a 
            voluptuous blonde in a low-cut dress on his arm.
            The man was startled, because he knew that his 
            brother had made his living largely by suing churches
            and poor people. 

            The outraged man turned to St. Peter and said, "Hey!
            That's not fair!"

            St. Peter replied, "Who are you to question that
            woman's punishment?"

In the preceding example, the whole quotation from the church bulletin 
(beginning with "It seems that... ") is indented, so that readers know 
where the quoted material begins and ends.  Quotation marks are not 
necessary: the indentation serves the same purpose.  Within that lengthy 
quotation, other direct quotations follow the normal rules.

In some cases, - for example, when you are quoting a lengthy dialogue -  
it is also possible to omit the quotation marks altogether by using a 
play/script format, as in the following example from my story "Virtuous 
Reality":

      Madonna: Well, let's see, the names of the people that I have had 
sex with recently... Who's the name of the guy I slept with last night, 
What's the name of the guy I did in the park this afternoon...
      Oprah: That's what I want to find out. So tell me.
      Madonna: I just said Who's the name of the guy I slept with last 
night, What's the name of the guy I did in the park this afternoon....
      Oprah: You've had sex with these guys?
      Madonna: Yes.
      Oprah: And was it good?
      Madonna: It's always good.
      Oprah: And you talked to them before, during, or after sex?
      Madonna: Yes.
      Oprah: And you still don't know their names?
      Madonna: Well, I certainly do.

Finally, some authors of fiction quote people directly without using 
quotation marks.  They seem to make a distinction between quoted speech 
(which receives quotation marks) and quoted thoughts (which do not).



WHAT ELSE GOES INSIDE QUOTATION MARKS?

Titles of short writings or works of art are usually put in quotation 
marks.  

      While he fucked her in the ass, she heard him humming
         "Both Sides Now" by Judy Collins.

      Most of what she knew about sex she had learned by
         "Friends" on TV.

The titles of longer writings and more sophisticated works of art are 
usually italicized (or underlined, if italics are not available).  Since 
underling and italics are impossible in text files transmitted through 
e-mail, it has become common practice to use quotation marks for ALL 
titles.  However, some writers prefer to replace underlining with 
techniques such as the following:

      The seduction was like a chapter out of _Lady Chatterly_.
      The seduction was like a chapter out of *Lady Chatterly*.
      The seduction was like a chapter out of LADY CHATTERLY.

Sometimes it is proper to put in quotation marks a word or phrase that 
you want to define.

      By "oral sex" I mean either a blowjob or cunnilingus.  She,
      on the other hand, uses the term to refer to talking about
      sex but not doing it.

Sometimes it is proper to put a word or phrase in quotation marks to 
show that you are using it in an unusual or special sense or to draw 
attention to the word.

      He uses language so cleverly that sometimes I think he's
      a "cunning linguist."  {The writer is making a pun about
      cunnilingus.}

      He expressed his "love" for her by beating her severely and
      humiliating her in front of her friends."  {The writer is
      suggesting that the word "love" is being used ironically - 
      that is, the man calls this love, but the writer doubts that 
      this term is accurate.}

Avoid the overuse of quotation marks for this purpose.

WHERE TO PUT PUNCTUATION.

Put inside the quotation marks any punctuation that is actually a part 
of the quotation.

     "Did you learn about sex by watching 'TV sitcoms?" he 
      asked, as she began to choke on his cum.

Put commas and periods inside the final quotation mark, even if they are 
not part of the quotation.

      While she sucked his cock, he gazed in rapture at the
      picture of "Dogs Playing Poker."

      "I learned to do this from an episode of 'Beavis and 
      Butthead,'" she said, as she swirled her tongue gently 
      around the tip of his cock.

When they are not part of the quotation, put other quotation marks 
(colons, semicolons, dashes, question marks, etc.) outside the final 
quotation mark.

      She had perfected her sexual technique through many 
      hours of watching "Days of Our Lives"; but her partner's
      training was limited to "Beavis and Butthead."

     She said, "I want you to come inside me"; but he had 
     already shot his wad all over her tits.

Such decisions as whether to use direct or indirect quotations, whether 
to put the explanatory comments at the beginning, at the end, or in the 
middle, and whether to use quotation marks are a matter of preference 
and style.  These decisions DO make a difference in the exact nuances 
conveyed by the quotations, but these distinctions cannot be discussed 
here.

Quotations should be skillfully blended into the text, so that the words 
of the speakers sound natural.  Here's an excerpt from "Virtuous 
Reality" that contains quoted dialogue.  See if you can understand the 
logic behind how I handled each direct or indirect quotation.

      As she thought about these problems, Sue sighed deeply and uttered 
a barely audible murmur: "I'll never write an erotic story again.  Dear 
God, I wish I had never written an erotic story at all."

      Suddenly, Sue was aware that there was someone else in the room 
with her.  She spun around in her chair and was alarmed to see standing 
just inside the locked door a beautiful dark haired woman. She was 
dressed in diaphanous clothing that Sue associated with statues she had 
seen while cavorting in the Aegean Islands.  The woman exuded a sensuous 
sexuality that made the room come alive.  "Who are you?" asked Sue.  
"And what are you doing here?"

      "I'm Celeste.  We've corresponded through alt.sex.stories.  And 
I'm here to help you."

      "You're Celeste?" gasped Sue.  "The goddess of alt.sex.stories?"

      "Well," replied the beautiful apparition. "I've been called that; 
but I'm more like an angel."

      "You're as beautiful as I imagined you'd be," said Sue, as she 
continued to wonder what in the world was happening.

      "And you're almost as beautiful as you say you are in your 
stories," replied Celeste.  After a pause, Celeste continued: "To be 
honest, I'm not actually a full angel yet.  I've met most of the 
requirements, but I still have to do one more good deed.  I've been sent 
here as sort of your guardian angel.  That bit about wishing you had 
never written an erotic story began with 'Dear God.'  That constitutes a 
prayer.  The Boss was upset by your comment, and she sent me here to 
help you get over your malaise or angst or whatever you want to call 
it."

      "Your boss?" replied Sue.  When Celeste responded by merely 
folding her arms and raising her eyes toward the heavens, Sue began to 
get the message.  "I've always heard your Boss referred to as 'he' or 
'him,'" she said.

      "Actually, my Boss is neither a he nor a she," answered Celeste.  
"I just prefer the feminine pronoun, because so many men are assholes.  
Men write stories on a.s.s. that degrade women and describe harm to 
little boys and girls.  But this isn't a theological essay.  It's a sex 
story.  Can I get on with what I came here for?"

