This is the third installment in the Brewbottom saga (and the first 
story I ever wrote).




                    LETTER PERFECT, ADDENDUM

                              by

                         C. Lakewood

 

IT IS THE THIRD DAY FOLLOWING THE ABRUPT ARREST AND RE-INCARCERATION
OF NATALIE BREWBOTTOM, NOW EX-WARDEN OF HONEY POT CORRECTIONAL 
FACILITY FOR WOMEN.  (FOR THE STORY SO FAR, SEE "BREWBOTTOM" AND 
"LETTER PERFECT," BOTH WRITTEN BY THE NOTED PENOLOGIST, JOE DOE.)  
AN E-MAIL MESSAGE HAS JUST ARRIVED AT HONEY POT FROM THE STATE 
CAPITAL.            
                         
             **********************************

To: Peggy Pigton, Acting Disciplinary Officer, Honey Pot Prison 

From: Holly Smith, Aide to the Governor

Re: Prisoner 555-58-03483-A 


It was a pleasure to speak with you yesterday, concerning prisoner 
Brewbottom.  You were quite correct to point out that each time 
she bribed a guard should be treated as a separate offense and 
sentenced accordingly...consecutively by all means.  (For sentences 
on multiple crimes to run concurrently is an affront to justice.)  
Unfortunately for Natalie, this will mean a really extended stay 
behind bars.  If, for example, she committed this offense only once 
a week during the 6 weeks or so she was incarcerated earlier, she 
would be facing additional time of 3 years or more.  (And she has 
confessed, remember, that she did it "often.")  Of course, good 
behavior on her part could reduce the time significantly, but I'm 
afraid she has a naturally willful and arrogant personality that 
will keep getting her into trouble.  In any case, you must determine 
the frequency with which she committed these offenses.  (As I have 
mentioned, we would grant full transactional immunity to anyone 
testifying against her.) 

However, I am happy to tell you that the Governor has agreed to 
give you the interim appointment noted in the address line above.  
And I am confident that, within 6 months, it will be made permanent.
I trust you will take a personal interest in Natalie's well-being 
while she serves her time.  

With that in mind, I make the following suggestions:

    1. For the past 60 days, her diet has been quite unlike what 
she is likely to get in prison, and I'm afraid she may suffer from 
constipation as a result.  I think it advisable, therefore, that 
she be given a large, soapy enema at least twice a day.  I am 
sending you a few retention nozzles, in case the prison has none 
on hand. 

    2. She has complained that the delousing fluid used there is 
quite irritating to her vagina (though I suppose, given her current 
circumstances, I should begin calling it her "cunt.")  In any case, 
a single dose of it causes her "cunt" to become swollen, to 
lubricate constantly, and to itch maddeningly for some 8-10 days 
afterward.  I realize that you must keep the prisoners vermin free, 
but I hope you will not have to delouse her crotch more than, say, 
once a week.  I also believe she would be more sanitary if her 
pubic hair were permanently removed.  Accordingly, I am sending you 
a heavy-duty epilator and a supply of a highly recommended herbal 
hair inhibitor.  She should be completely free of pubic hair in 
perhaps 8-9 months. 

    3. Please continue to give her a full schedule of hard labor 
and "community service" assignments.  She is task-oriented, and 
too much down-time would bore her.
  
    4. During her brief tenure as warden, I know Natalie had been 
determined to improve race relations at the prison.  For instance, 
after she learned that C Block held only Oriental women, she was 
making plans to transfer in some Caucasians.  I think that she 
should have the honor of integrating C Block single-handedly.  
(Please make sure her cell-mates are appropriately chosen.)  After 
perhaps a year, you can evaluate this experiment and decide whether 
to add any other Caucasian women to C Block...or just to leave well 
enough alone.       

    5. It would also be in keeping with her liberal social notions 
if her "off-duty activities" were supervised primarily by manly 
black guards.  I do hope that refusing her the use of any sort of 
birth control device will help curb her salacious nature.     

    6. I had been worried that the large backlog of Disciplinary 
Requests she accrued during her 60-day tenure as warden might pose 
a problem.  I was afraid this would result either in her receiving 
a dangerously severe amount of corporal punishment or in her being 
punished less than she actually deserves.  Neither alternative is 
acceptable.  I am also sending you, therefore, some new electrical 
equipment and full instructions on its use.  Properly employed, it 
can cause the same pain as a sound strapping, but without the risk 
of nerve and tissue damage.  You can use it as often as you like to 
discipline the uncooperative.  It has a variety of applications, as 
you will learn.  

    7. And, finally, I am concerned about how this whole affair 
could tarnish Natalie's reputation, embarrass her colleagues, and 
distress her relatives.  I enclose some papers for her signature.  
Once you return them to me, I can take steps to legally change her 
last name to "Beerbutt," liquidate her assets, and begin creating a 
new identity for her. I'm afraid, however, that this means you'll 
have to "process" her all over again from scratch.  I apologize for 
the extra work this will entail.

Since Natalie and I are cousins, I am of course very much 
interested in monitoring her efforts to acclimate herself 
to her newly-restored "proper position."  Please continue 
to send me those interesting videotapes, and I'll also look 
forward to a full set of new "Posture" photos each month.   
  
Give my best to Warden Sorrel as he resumes his job, now that 
the 60-day hiatus that was forced upon him has ended.


Holly Smith

H_Smith666@StateMail.gov

                 
