Celestial Reviews 42 - Dec 2, 1995

Note:  In the next issue I plan to post a short list of persons who are 
willing to help other authors by proofreading and commenting on early 
editions.  This is not the same as offering "remedial education."  All 
you would have to do is read a story and make suggestions about grammar 
and what you think needs to be clarified.  It's actually fun, if you 
have time to do it; and the authors would benefit greatly.  All I need 
is your name and your permission to print your e-mail address (it can 
even be an anonymous address).

Second Note: Remember the Second Annual Celestial Story Contest.  
Simply write a short story based on the following premise:

Once in flight, we flipped up the arm rest between us and I leaned against Jay 
who leaned against the wall.  It was nice like that, and I spread Jay's coat 
over us like a blanket. We had hours of night-time flying in front of us.  Jay 
held me in his arms.  I felt him slip his fingers into the waist of my pants.  
He slowly fingered me.  I opened my eyes.  I felt that feeling growing inside 
me.

The stewardess walked by.  It was so strange to have Jay fingering me 
right there in front of someone.  Jay withdrew his fingers and I could 
tell he was sleepy.  Soon I could feel that he was sleeping.  I slipped 
my own fingers where his had been.  I fingered so slowly.  I wanted 
that feeling, more and more.  The stewardess came back and stopped.  I 
stopped my fingers, laying there frozen.  She looked right at me and 
then smiled.

Rules: Enter as often as you like.  If you enter early, I'll try to 
give you feedback to help you revise.  You CAN alter the exact wording; 
as a matter of fact, I think it would be NECESSARY to modify the text 
to suit a particular story.  The key components are man and wife on 
plane, woman fingers herself, stewardess notices.  Send entries to 
Celeste801@aol.com.  The winner will be announced on December 9.  The 
last time we did this we got a couple of excellent Locksmith stories.

So far I have received one entry plus three corrections of the way 
"waist" was spelled in the original lead-in.  So thanks for the 
corrections, but feel free to submit a story!

- Celeste

      "Groom" by Deirdre (romantic memories) 10
      "Habit" by Deirdre (whipping) 9
      "Help" by Deirdre (surprise!) 10
      "Annie's Office Tail" by Casual K9 (orgy) 4
      "The Decision" by John Aston (rape & romance) 8
      "Guess Who's Coming at Dinner" by Sue (orgy)
     *"Catty Corner" by Sue (voyeurism) 10
     *"Gee Spot Run" by Sue (masturbation & voyeurism) 10
     *"Fun with Dick and Jane" by Sue (group sex ed) 10

* = Repost of a previous review (because the story has been
     recently reposted).

"Groom" by Deirdre.  Would it be possible for a college girl who was 
already involved in a serious relationship to work with a guy for a 
whole summer and develop a close but non-sexual relationship with him?  
Sounds plausible.  And if the relationship with the former boyfriend 
broke up, would it be possible that the girl might long for and 
fantasize about that close friend, even though she has lost touch with 
him?  Sounds reasonable to me.  And then would it be possible that a 
high school classmate might invite the girl to her wedding, and when 
the girl shows up she might discover that the groom is the very person 
with whom she had formed the close friendship and about whom she had 
fantasized?  A little less likely - but certainly a good premise for a 
story.  What will Deirdre do with this plot?  Let me simply tell you 
that I did not guess the ending.  That  piece of information should not 
ruin the story for you.  All it means is that the ending does not 
involve mind control or three-way anal sex.  (Rating: 10)

"Habit" by Deirdre.  As any regular reader knows, all of Deirdre's 
stories have one-word, enigmatic titles.  One thing that I enjoy is 
trying to predict before I read the story what it will be about.  
Habit.  I'll give myself three guesses: (1) Somebody is going to screw 
a nun, who would be wearing a habit.  (2)  Somebody will kick THE habit 
by using mind control to switch from smoking to either oral or anal 
sex.  (3)  Two college women will ritualistically prepare for their 
exams by engaging in some sort of bdsm.

I've finished the story, and I wasn't even close.  However, I should 
add that the title is about as accurate as one can get with just a 
single word.  The moral of this story is if a woman plans to bend over 
with her bare ass sticking up next to the front door with a belt on the 
floor next to her so that her husband can give her five quick swats as 
soon as he gets home, she should first check to make sure that the 
husband is alone. (Rating: 9)

"Help" by Deirdre.  Let's take another shot at predicting a Deirdre 
plot from the title.  Help.  It could be about THE help, as in the 
people we hire to work for us.  Or it could mean Help! - as in "I'm in 
deep shit up to my chin; somebody get me out of this mess!"  More 
likely, however, it's about somebody helping somebody else over come 
initial resistance and get turned on to some sort of sexual practice.  
I'll bet on this third possibility.

OK.  At the very beginning of the story I found out that a person 
(presumably a guy) is standing in line at a checkout counter and starts 
eying a girl in the next line.  The woman behind him offers to help him 
get a date and have sex with that girl, but only on the condition that 
afterwards the guy will help the woman have sex with the girl.  At 
least now I know I'm not going to be dealing with perversion of some 
kind!  Let me conclude by saying that the title was appropriate and 
this was a most creative story.  (Rating: 10)

"Annie's Office Tail" by Casual K9.  Annie's old boyfriend has some pet 
names for her: airhead, nympho, slut, bitch. And so you can imagine his 
joy at being able to hide in the boss's office and watch while the boss 
gives her a "test."  Annie likes sex a lot and is a certified 
professional at the oral variety; but she hates getting that sticky 
stuff all over her face and hair when a guy cums imperfectly.  She also 
hates the very idea of getting fucked in the ass, and she *really* 
hates it when somebody calls her a bitch while he's having sex with 
her.  All these bad things happen to her, but it's OK because she 
really enjoys sex so much.

So the guy hides in the closet and watches while the boss and the 
really scuzzy janitor stick it to Annie every which way they can.  
There were a lot of proofreading problems with this story, but those 
were not the major problem.  My problem was that although this story 
had a lot of explicit sex in it I like stories better either when 
there's something interesting about the characters or when there's an 
interesting twist in the plot.  Neither of those conditions apply here.  
A girl who inexplicably likes to spread her legs isn't all that 
interesting to me.  I guess I'm supposed to think it's "interesting" 
that the girl and (presumably) the guy hiding in the closet are White 
and the boss and the janitor are Black.  To be honest, I had hoped we 
were beyond that by now.  I would hope that sex between two people is 
sex between two people - not that rape or exploitation becomes 
heightened because it is a Black man taking advantage of a White woman.  
(Rating: 4)

"The Decision" by John Aston.  Remember the Rambo movie in which the 
hero suffered torture and humiliation at the hands of his captors and 
then was given a chance to escape but he said, "No, thanks.  I like it 
here."  And remember the episode on Roots where the slave had been 
beaten and sodomized for forty consecutive days and then the war ended 
and the Union soldiers came and said, "Sir, you're free to go," and he 
replied, "I don't want to leave.  And please call me boy!"  Well, here 
we have a story about a woman who is violently raped by her boyfriend, 
and at the end of the episode she voluntarily promises to marry him.  
If the first two scenarios are plausible, then why should we guffaw at 
the third?

Actually, there are some dysfunctional women who do proclaim their 
continued love for the person who beats and abuses them.  In addition, 
I think there are sane, sensible, fully functional women (who would 
call the police if some asshole actually laid violent hands on them) 
who find it to be erotic to fantasize about being raped by someone they 
love.  Somewhere in the back of my mind I hear a song that says "I want 
a brave man, I want a caveman; Johnny won't you care, won't you care 
for me."  (I must have heard my older sister or perhaps my grandmother 
playing it.  I'm simply not that old!)

The story is vivid and concise.  As I read the story, I could feel the 
pain and was repulsed by it.  I hated the narrator and was disgusted 
that this stupid woman would want to marry the asshole.  I guess that 
means that the author got my attention.  It's not a perfect story, but 
it conveys emotion.  On the other hand, if anyone is perusing a.s.s. in 
search of a good way to get his true love to say yes, this approach is 
not really very likely to work.  (Rating: 8)

Guess Who's Coming at Dinner" by Sue.  I don't think Emily Post or Miss 
Manners has a chapter on orgy etiquette; so maybe this story can fill 
that void.  The premise of this story is that the narrator has invited 
ten sensuous people (herself among them) to participate in an 
unorthodox dinner party.  The participants will not use their real 
names, only these nicknames: for the men -- Viking.... Shiny.... 
Silver.... Tail.... You (the reader).... and for the women -- Gold.... 
Fire.... Earth... Light... and Me (Sue) . Then she explains that there 
will be no talk of their occupations, or of the weather. If anyone 
wants to talk, it must be about dreams and fantasies.   The evening is 
a resounding success.  The sex is hot and the images are rich.  Read it 
yourself!  "A good time was had by all."  (Rating: 10)

*"Catty Corner" by Sue (SueNH@aol.com).  I loved this story.  So many 
writers on a.s.s. can describe hot sex; but Sue has the knack of 
putting it into the context of a really creative story.  This one comes 
with a double whammy - a voyeur watching a voyeur and then the voyeurs 
watching each other.  I just resolved earlier today to be a little 
rougher in my ratings.  I also resolved to give my husband a break from 
passion tonight.  Oh, well; there go my resolutions.  (Rating: 10)

*When Sue meets a casual friend and gets into a deep conversation, she 
discovers that the woman is sexually repressed.  To help out, she 
discloses the fact that she is an author of highly regarded sex stories 
and offers to let her friend read some of them. Sue goes off to take a 
shower and leaves her friend reading "Craftsmanship," which readers of 
these reviews will recognize as one of the stories I often cite as an 
example of hot, well-written erotica.  Well, I was right in rating that 
story a 10; because when Sue returns from the shower the woman is in 
the throes of masturbation that was instigated by reading the story.  
The woman is embarrassed, but Sue comforts her thus: "Even when I'm 
writing the stories, I get so turned-on sometimes that I have to stop 
typing so that I can reach down and rub my cunt for a big orgasm. And 
when I read other people's stories, I usually masturbate. I'm sorry 
that you feel bad about what you were doing, and I'm even more sorry 
that I interrupted you. So I'm going to leave the room again so that 
you can finish what you started." 

But alas, the woman has a learning disability: she doesn't know how to 
masturbate very well.  She feels that the characters in Sue's stories 
achieve heights of ecstasy that she has never reached.  Like a true 
humanitarian clinician, Sue reluctantly offers further assistance.  The 
two masturbate in each other's presence, and her friend learns by 
observing the genius at work.  The descriptions are hot and vivid.  Not 
only does Sue's friend figure out how to do it right; I also managed to 
eliminate a few bugs from my own system.  (However, there are a few 
things I could teach Sue too.)

This is a really hot story.  At the end, we are left with the 
impression that Sue's friend will probably get over her inhibitions and 
with the promise that we can find out what happened later by reading 
Sue's next story, "Fun with Dick and Jane."  (Rating: 10)

*"Fun with Dick and Jane" by Sue (SueNH@aol.com) As we left Sue last 
week at the end of "Gee Spot Run," Sue had used her erotic fiction as a 
basis to enrich the fantasy life and masturbation abilities of a 
repressed housewife.  As our story resumes in this sequel, Sue has been 
invited to Jane's house for dinner, where she meets her husband Dick 
and a stuffy friend of theirs named Charles.  When Jane blurts out that 
Sue is a writer of erotica, the men scoff at Sue.  They think she is 
merely a Barbara Cartland type.  Sue rises to the challenge and offers 
to read one of her stories out loud, with the agreement that its 
quality will be measured by Charles's peter meter, which at the time 
was easily hidden beneath the napkin on his lap.

So Sue read from "Louvre Love."  Actually, this was a bad choice, since 
(as we all know) this particular story received a modest rating of 7.5 
in Celestial Reviews, whereas most of Sue's stories are 10's.  I think 
"Here Cums Santa" or "To Serve and Protect" would have been better 
choices.  Perhaps Sue made this choice deliberately, to avoid straining 
Charles's gauge, which probably wasn't capable of registering a 10.  To 
make a long story short, the story works; but alas, Dick dislikes 
perversion and refers to Sue as a cunning temptress.  (Had I been 
there, of course, he would have referred to me as a cunning linguist.  
But I think either epithet would fit Sue accurately.)  Jane defends her 
friend's reputation, and soon tendrils of pleasure are racing around 
Sue's body while Charles begins to fuck her and Jane observes 
unobtrusively.

Enough!  You'll have to read the story yourself to find out who comes 
how often and where and whether Dick finally overcomes his inhibitions 
and has fun with Jane.  This is an excellent story, only minimally 
reminiscent of the book of the same title that many of us read when we 
were in the first grade.  

This story (combined with this review) will be especially useful for 
cunning linguists or for students whose teachers require them to look 
up and use a word a day.  I mean, in addition to ribald sex, this story 
is full of tendrils, epithets, and ogling - as well as a vivid 
reference to the Louvre - which, of course, is located near the Champs 
Elysee. (Rating: 10)

