Celestial Reviews 148 - January 11, 1997

Note: I want to remind you of my Third Annual Celestial Writing Contest.  
The story can be of any length, but students (say, in an English class) 
should reasonably be able (and eager) read it three times in one week.  
The purpose of the story is to combine learning with pleasure - that is, 
to teach vocabulary in the context of a creative sex story.  The story 
should use all of the words on the following list.  Preferably, it should 
use them in creative ways that enable learners to see their meaning in 
context, and it should use the words more than once - in fact, as often 
as possible without becoming silly.  The story should not be obviously 
didactic - that is, it should be a story about sex, not about learning 
these words.

The deadline is January 15.  I have already received one excellent entry 
and have the promise of another from a very good writer.  Please feel 
free to take a shot at this.  Here are the words (all taken from one of 
those SAT study lists): acerbic, adept, ameliorate, apocryphal, assuage, 
blithe, constrict, credulous, dilatory, egregious, fatuous, guile, 
hedonism, impervious, incipient, irascible, lethargy, mundane, prolific, 
redundant.

All 20 of these are words that intelligent people use when the context 
calls for them (Quite possibly I may have used them here in Celestial 
Reviews.), but most high school students have no idea what they mean.  
They are useful words; and if you write a story with them, at the very 
least YOU will probably learn some functional vocabulary words.

A few authors have commented that some of the words are difficult to work into 
a sex story.  My advice is to consider the possibility of ironic usage.  For 
example, my husband's irascible tongue has done some wonderful things to my 
clitoris; and we have spent some lethargic mornings in the sack. If you really 
cannot fit one or two words into the story, submit it anyway; a "10" story 
with only 8 words will fare better in my judgment than an "8" story with all 
10 words forced into it.  A couple of authors have told me that "acerbic" is 
not sexy.  Don't tell that to the Ng sisters, whose banter in their stories is 
often pleasantly acerbic but still very sexy.

Incidentally, I have not yet received an entry from Stephanie, who won the 
last two contests.  Nor have I received an entry from Delta, who seems to be 
able to write a story very good within a couple of hours or so.

Second note:  Uther Pendragon has been reposting his entire "Bob and Jeanette 
Brennan" series.  I advise you to find them and download them.  I'll repost my 
old reviews and post initial reviews of the few stories I have not already 
reviewed in CR 149.  Meanwhile, you may want to grab them off the postings.  
Here's the complete list:

      "Forever"
      "Forest"
      "Forecast"
      "Forestalling" 
      "Foreplay"
      "For Him"
      "Forthright"

You can recognize these stories in the postings by the word "For..." at the 
beginning of the title, or (less creatively) by the Author's name in the title 
line.  I have occasionally been guilty of posting an old address for this 
author.  His correct address is anon584c@nyx.cs.du.edu.  Like most authors 
whose stories you enjoy on this newsgroup, I'm sure he would like constructive 
criticism from his readers.

Third Note:  I have been having serious trouble with my Reviews Database.  If 
anyone out there knows how to recover a Microsoft Works (Macintosh) database 
when the message "There is no translator available to translate this file" 
appears, I would like to hear from you.  (The file was written with Microsoft 
Works, and so no "translation" should be necessary.)  The file has simply been 
corrupted.  I keep a record of all my reviews in one of these files.  When 
someone reposts a story, I can easily find the review, and without the 
database it's way too much trouble.  If someone knows a way I can recover this 
file, it will save me a huge amount of time - and leave me time to review more 
stories.

Final Note:  One of the stories involves voyeurism.  Someone recently sent me 
a good joke.  I don't want to encroach upon the territory of Comedy Central, 
but I thought the joke was pertinent.  I thought I should tell it here rather 
than risk disrupting the flow of the review.

One evening Snow White decided she was sleepy and announced to the seven 
dwarfs that she was going to bed. After the usual lengthy round of "Good 
Nights" she went upstairs. Immediately all seven dwarfs rushed outside and 
began standing on each others shoulders beneath Snow White's bedroom window. 
Tonight was Grumpy's turn to be on the top and as he was the only one who 
could see in the window it was his duty to inform the other dwarfs what she 
was doing.

After a minute or two he hollered down, "She's taking off her blouse!" and 
this was echoed down the stack "taking off her blouse," "she's taking off her 
blouse," "blouse is coming off," "taking off her blouse," etc.

Next Grumpy yelled, "She's taking off her skirt," which was followed by the 
echoes "taking off her skirt," "she's taking off her skirt," "skirt's coming 
off," "taking off her skirt," etc.

Of course the next line from Grumpy was, "She's taking off her bra!" and the 
echo chorus went down the line. Then, "She's taking off her panties!" which 
again cascaded down the dwarf tower.

Finally Grumpy looked around and from his vantage height saw someone coming 
through the woods so he yelled, "Someone's coming!" and from the next dwarf to 
the bottom dwarf was heard, "Me too." "Me too." "Me too." "Me too." "Me too." 
"Me too."

- Celeste

      "The Guarantee" by Frank McCoy (incest & teen sex) 10, 9, 9
      "Deck" by Tom Bombadil (voyeurism & sex slavery) 10, 10, 9
      "Chosen" by Tom Bombadil (ff passion & sex slavery) 10, 10, 10
      "Educational Experience" by Unknown Author (medical sex) 
             9, 9, 9
      "Georgia" by Green Onions (romantic scenario) 10, 9, 9
      "Girls 1.0" by Wiley (rape) 9, 9, 9

"The Guarantee" by Frank McCoy (mccoyf@millcomm.com).  This is a story about 
an emotionally distraught 16-year-old boy who has never had a date.  His sex-
goddess older sister arranges five dates for him. As the title suggests, she 
"guarantees" that he will enjoy himself immensely on each date - otherwise she 
will personally guarantee his happiness herself when he returns from an 
unsatisfying date.  

Several people have recently contributed to posting a list of "most popular 
a.s.s. cliches."  This story "authenticates" almost all of those popular 
theories.

Mark's first date is with the twelve-year-old next door.  This date verifies 
the cliche that twelve-year-old virgins are generally emotionally mature, 
eager recipients of the sexual attention of horny sixteen-year-olds, that they 
spontaneously give good head and are multi-orgasmic with their tight little 
cunnies, and that their mothers genuinely appreciate the older boy's kindness 
in fucking the little darlings.

The second date is with a girl who is viewed by most of the other kids as a 
slutty "dog."  She turns out to be beautiful, unselfish, and wonderfully 
generous (the reason she still has buck teeth is because she set aside her 
dental needs and devoted the money to the upbringing of the baby she had 
conceived with her father when she was about 10 years old); and she brings the 
boy to even greater rapture than the little girl of the previous week.  This 
date corroborates the notion that little girls who begin having regular sex 
with their fathers when they are six years old generally show no ill effects, 
but rather continue to have spontaneous and joyful sexual relations with 
numerous partners as they pass through adolescence.  In general, when mothers 
catch the old man fucking the little girl, they shout encouragement and offer 
to join the fun.  Many a time a good mother will have Daddy fuck each little 
girl as a "birthday present" on her 10th birthday, so the child can feel what 
it is like for a man to fuck her and cum inside her without protection, while 
she can still enjoy it without having to worry about pregnancy. Of course, 
this incestuous policy also keeps a girl from falling for the first guy who 
gets into her panties.  {I THINK I got that one right....}  This date also 
confirms the notion that sex is especially enjoyable when there's a deliberate 
risk of pregnancy by a teenage girl and boy.  The very thought of possible 
pregnancy gave Mark an instantaneous hard-on after he had just fucked Betty 
Lou a half dozen times.  Finally, this date confirms the common assumption 
that girls who become pregnant several times by their own father are likely to 
become regular bookworms when they get to high school.  {I'm personally a bit 
suspicious about the authenticity of some of these cliches.}

And so it goes.  There are three more dates and then the final climax.  Some 
of the premises are even more far-fetched than those I have already mentioned.  
If you're looking for coffee-table material for your children to pick up in 
the hope that  they'll read it and acquire productive sexual values, this is 
the wrong story.  On the other hand, the story is well written - aside from 
the <giggles> and stuff that I find a bit annoying.  It really would be fun to 
live in a world where people could act the way they do in this little corner 
of fairy-tale Utopia; and if you're able to accept that premise, this really 
is a sexy (though silly) story.  

The overall moral of this story is that people really are swell when you fuck 
them just right.  Well, at least it's nice to think so.

Finally, I might add that although it is extremely unlikely that young 
children and adolescents could engage in the activities depicted in this story 
without significant psychological damage and emotional problems and although 
many of the activities are just plain illegal, it is also true that this story 
DOES accurately depict the way many young people (perhaps influenced by modern 
media and even by stories like this) think their sexual lives will unfold: 
fuck all you want and nobody will get hurt.  I think the ground rules of this 
newsgroup say we're allowed to accept that worldview, but it makes one wonder 
whether the conservatives might have a point when they harp on things like 
parental responsibility.

Ratings for "The Guarantee"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Deck" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com).  Each day the teenage maid next 
door suns herself on the deck where she can be seen by her neighbor, who is 
the female narrator of this story.  Through a series of successive 
approximations that would make B.F. Skinner proud, the teenager turns the 
previously heterosexual housewife next door into a lesbian sex slave.

This author has been trying to write a story in Deirdre's style.  This one 
arrived accompanied by a note: "By Jove. I think I've got it."  Indeed, he HAS 
got it.  Had this been posted under Deirdre's name, I would not have 
questioned the authenticity of the authorship.  This is a good story; it may 
even be Tom Bombadil's best imitation of Deirdre, but it is far from his best 
story.  Imitating another author is a fine idea, but I think this author 
writes better when he writes as himself.  I ranked his "Elizabeth & 
Anastasia," which doesn't even remotely resemble the style of this story, as 
one of my top 10 stories of 1996.  This one is still a very good story, but 
I'm not certain of Tom's motivation in turning aside from an excellent style 
to write this way.  Maybe he's doing it because it's a challenge.  Or maybe a 
seductive Mistress has seized control of his mind and required him to do so.

{I wrote this review before I read the next story, which does a much better 
job of BOTH imitating Deirdre and being a good story.}

Ratings for "Deck"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Chosen" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com).   The woman is a lawyer aspiring 
to become a partner in an important law firm.  She receives a letter telling 
her that she has been "chosen."  She thinks it's a joke and tosses it aside, 
but then she discovers that several other people (including her boss) know 
about her selection and consider it to be an important honor.

At this point I paused and noted to myself that this author is on a Deirdre 
binge.  If he's trying to imitate Deirdre, I told myself, then the least I can 
do is imitate my reviews of Deirdre.  That means I should try to predict the 
ending.  This shouldn't be hard.  The woman will resist briefly but within a 
day will accept the invitation and arrive at the designated place.  She will 
be met by a stern woman whom she will eventually learn to address as Mistress.  
She will find herself naked in a room with lots of other naked women, and 
within a couple of weeks she will learn to answer to the wishes of whoever 
happens to be her Master or Mistress.  This whole new lifestyle will make her 
eminently but mysteriously happy.

Well, I was close.  I won't bother you with the details of where I went 
astray.  The interesting thing is that even though I had a pretty good idea 
where the story was probably going, the author held my attention all the way 
up to the end of the story.  The constant state of tension was really well 
maintained.  The author himself said he was disappointed with this as a 
"Deirdre-esq."  It's a bit long for the Deirdre genre, but I thought he did an 
excellent job.  In fact, I think he did a better job here than in "Deck," 
where he thought he had finally reached Deirdre euphoria.  Like Deirdre's 
stories, this one lets the narrator make seemingly logical choices that get 
her into a really bizarre situation involving sexual taboos.  Also like 
Deirdre, the author maintains the tension of the story masterfully; and most 
importantly, at the end all of the details make perfect sense.  With many of 
Deirdre's stories I have been left with the impression that "this is a silly 
story but I can't explain why."  That's the reaction I experienced at the end 
of this story: it made no sense, but yet it made perfect sense.  

Ratings for "Chosen"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Educational Experience" by Unknown Author.  This story came to me as an 
attached file by e-mail.  The file was labeled "physlab.txt," but the title 
line in the story said "Educational Experience."  The story itself did not 
include the author's name.  That's a bad idea.  Always put your name after the 
title of the story; otherwise, the reader may separate the e-mail message from 
the file and not know who wrote the story - which is what happened to me in 
this case.

The story is about two female college students, studying to be physician's 
assistants.  They have reached the unit on rectal examinations, and they very 
much enjoy exploring each other's bodies.  I really doubt that most premed 
students act this way during their studies.  I would go so far as to say that 
teachers would expect students to be able to conduct physical examinations 
without inducing or enjoying orgasms; but what do I know?  I was especially 
skeptical of the part about Charles examining Nicole with a finger in each 
opening, to feel the thickness of the membrane between her anus and her 
vagina; but the author certainly made it sound both sexy and convincing.

The main improvement this story needs is a good proofreading, which could 
tighten up the grammar and some minor lapses in the story line.  In 
addition, the author should have gone through the text one more time to 
clean it up by putting spaces after commas, etc.  Overall, however, it 
was a very good story.

Ratings for "Educational Experience"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Georgia" by Green Onions (flagger@world.std.com). This author originally 
posted this story with a special note to me, indicating that I should NOT 
review it.  He later changed his mind and sent me a personal note that it 
would be OK to review it.  His hesitance seemed to be based on the idea that 
maybe I wouldn't like stories about "fat people," and he didn't want to burden 
me with a story that was not up my line.  Then he sent me another note that 
said I should ignore his note that told me to ignore the note.  Since I had 
already read, enjoyed, and reviewed the story by that time, I said, "Screw 
him!" (in the nicest sense) and decided to go ahead and post this review.

Actually, I liked the story very much.  Although I myself have the nearly 
perfect body of a sex goddess, of course, I share the author's belief that 
such physical characteristics as waist size and weight have a near-zero 
correlation with amorous abilities.  As a sex goddess, I resent the popular 
implication (typified by blonde jokes, which are perhaps true, since I am not 
a blonde) that people with stereotypically "good" measurements are bimbos (I 
need the well-built, former, blond vice-president to tell me whether there's 
an e in the plural of "bimbo").  I see an immense value in doing many of the 
things that are normally associated with maintaining a good physique - I 
myself have kept in shape through athletic activities, and I think my sex life 
and personality have benefited.  However, research shows that weight has a 
significant genetic component, and lots of people who are overweight have no 
more slovenly lifestyles than those who "look perfect."  On the other hand, I 
also have a bit of hostility toward "fat fetishes."  I think worshipping 
apparent obesity is as bad as deifying its opposite.

When we talk in our stories about physical "perfections" and astonishingly 
wonderful sexual reactions (routine multiple orgasms, superabundant female 
ejaculations, buckets of cum, etc.), we run the risk of downgrading real-life 
experiences.  A couple of years ago two of our friends whom we assumed to be 
virgins were going to get married, and my husband suggested sharing with them 
a good porn flick that we had seen, "so that they would know how to do it."  I 
vetoed the idea, because I thought the film would set "standards" for them 
that would be unattainable.  They didn't need to be pros; they just needed to 
relax and explore their sexuality together.  The stories posted on this 
newsgroup could have a similarly unfortunate impact.  The fact is that real 
life does not always work like movies or stories, and we should not feel that 
we are "doing it wrong" if we don't accomplish the impressive achievements 
that occur in some of these stories.

{Joke:  An elderly man and an elderly woman had back-to-back appointments for 
physical checkups.  The man went first.  He was in good health, but he 
complained that he was having problems with his sex life.  When the doctor 
inquired further, he said that the problem was that he sweated whenever he did 
it the second time.  The doctor assured him that this was not a serious 
problem, dismissed him, and examined the wife. She likewise was in good health 
but also complained about her sex life.  The doctor said, "Your husband 
complained that he sweats when he does it the second time.  Do you really do 
it that often?" "Yes," she replied.  "That's the problem.  Once in January and 
once in July.}

It may sound banal, but some of my best friends are fat people - and my very 
best friend has a dick that doesn't measure up to the perfection of those 
advertised in a.s.s. stories.

At any rate, this story presents a brief, romantic, sexy scenario in which a 
man of unknown physical dimensions makes tender love to a woman whom some 
would label obese.  My "imperfect" rating for this story reflects the fact 
that it is more of a snippet than a complete story.  There's nothing wrong 
with that; Dulcinea gets similar ratings all the time, and hers are among my 
favorite stories on this newsgroup.

Ratings for "Georgia"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Girls 1.0" by Wiley (wiley06@nym.alias.net).  This is a story about a girl 
who gets raped and enjoys the experience.  Wiley says at the beginning, "It's 
a fantasy, so get off that horse."  OK, I've been asked to accept even wilder 
fantasies than this one.  

Although the story would benefit from a good proofreading, it's fairly well 
written.  {I don't know why the title is plural; I presume it was just an 
uncorrected typographical error.}  Although I personally did not come away 
with a wet pussy or an urge to awaken my husband for some action, I would 
describe the action as hot and realistic (granted that we accept the fantasy).

I'm a little sensitive about rape, because I have worked with young girls who 
have been rape victims.  In general, it is overwhelmingly NOT true that young 
women are likely to enjoy or benefit from being humiliated and treated like a 
peace of meat for the pleasure of uncouth guys who cannot obtain sex through 
more civilized means.  On the other hand, I'm told that this caveman thing is 
a favorite fantasy of guys; and rape is a very popular theme among guys having 
sex with prostitutes.  In addition, there are indeed women who experience 
pleasurable sensations like those of the girl in this story.  Often they are 
women with negative self-concepts who are hurt by the experience but just 
aren't perceptive enough to realize it.  In other cases, women experience 
physiological reactions that they interpret as pleasurable; and this 
"pleasure" afterwards often causes them anxiety and dysfunctional reactions, 
such as extreme embarrassment and reluctance to report the incident to the 
police.

Anyway, this isn't my favorite topic, and I wish I lived in a world where 
people didn't treat other people this way; but this is still a pretty good 
story.

Ratings for "Girls 1.0"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

