The Pledge Mistress
Copyright 2006 by EC
EC's Erotic Art & Fiction - http://www.ecgraphicarts.com/

(warnings: erotic discipline, sex between adults, medical fetish, public nudity, 
sexual hazing)

Chapter 18 - A weakness in Lisa's character

Bernadette and Cherine returned downstairs fairly late, having spent more time 
than they anticipated in the pool. At first they were in the pool by themselves, but 
just as they were about to get out, a large group of women got in, carrying a 
water-volleyball and a net. They explained that the Four-Betas played water 
volleyball in competitions against other sororities and they needed to practice. 
The other women invited the pledges to join them, and a minute later the two 
freshmen found themselves playing on opposite sides of the impromptu game. It 
wasn't until an hour later that they were able to excuse themselves, which set 
back their plans to spend the night catching up on their e-mails in the sorority 
library.

Lisa and Kathleen were sound asleep when their companions finally made it 
downstairs. Cherine and Bernadette cleaned up and slipped into the guestroom, 
which was dimly illuminated by a single nightlight. It was just light enough that 
the two women could see that the main bed was occupied but the two singles were 
empty. Cherine was too tired to care about anything other than her own sleep, but 
Bernadette was curious. She slipped closer to the main bed and caught a faint 
whiff of orgasm. She couldn't see much in the darkness, but could tell that Lisa 
and Kathleen were sleeping cuddled up to each other.

Bernadette pondered for a moment what she ought to do. On the one hand she was 
irritated that Lisa and Kathleen were not making a better effort to hide their 
relationship. She felt that it was somewhat disrespectful to be openly having sex 
in an area they had to share with the other pledges. She was certain that if Tracy 
caught the couple there would be hell to pay, perhaps for the entire pledge group.

Bernadette wondered whether to wake up Lisa and force her to get in a different 
bed, leave the two lovers in place and let them get in trouble the next morning, or 
simply get up a bit early and force them out of bed before anyone else saw them. 
Finally she opted for the latter. She set the alarm clock for 5:30, which would give 
her enough time to get Lisa and Kathleen out of bed before Tracy showed up. She 
would do Lisa a favor, in spite of her unease about the relationship and her on-
going resentment that Lisa had taken charge of the pledge group.

The next morning Bernadette shook Lisa, who was still sound asleep.

"Get up! Get up before Tracy sees you!"

Lisa struggled to sit up, and covered her sleeping lover with the sheet. She was 
still somewhat disoriented and wanted to lie back down.

"Get…UP!" 

Bernadette pushed on Lisa until she was awake enough to stand. As soon as Lisa 
was on her feet, Bernadette crawled back in her bed to get a final 20 minutes of 
sleep. 

Meanwhile, Lisa rubbed her eyes and went into the pledge room to use the toilet 
and brush her teeth. She realized what a huge favor Bernadette had just done for 
her when she heard Tracy's voice in the guest room:

"OK, sleeping beauties! UP-UP-UP! Let's go…Let's go…Let's go…" followed 
by the usual hard slap to the bare bottom of each of her three fellow pledges as 
they exited the room. 

Lisa and Kathleen had been only minutes away from being caught in bed together 
by the Pledge Mistress. It was only because of Bernadette they were not facing 
her harsh discipline. As the other women entered the pledge room Lisa whispered 
to Bernadette:

"Thanks. I owe you one."

----------

Somewhat better rested than they had been 24 hours earlier, the pledges began 
what would be the first routine day of the summer semester. There would be 
morning PT, clean-up, and breakfast, followed by morning inspection and the 
daily trek to the university. 

Part of the daily morning inspection included the formal presentation of 
assignments, a time during which Tracy ordered the pledges to kneel in the sitting 
room with their homework neatly placed in front to review. There wasn't any 
written homework yet, but the three freshmen had been assigned some reading for 
one class that they had to recite. After a few minutes of questioning Tracy 
determined that her charges were adequately prepared and ordered them to put on 
their uniforms. Thus, dressed and ready for another day of class, the young 
women departed the sorority house with their Pledge Mistress.

----------

As soon as she was deposited in her professor's office, Lisa stripped and stood at 
attention while Burnside talked to her about the day's lectures and seminars. She 
would be with the professor nearly the entire day, with the exception of a political 
science class that she had to take as a general requirement. However, Lisa would 
spend most of her time out of the office and in her pledge uniform, given that she 
was attending lectures and helping the professor with her freshman classes.

At 9:00 a.m. Lisa followed Burnside to the main lecture hall in the adjacent 
building wheeling a cart full of teaching supplies, syllabuses, reading lists, and the 
professor's PowerPoint projector. Her shorts and T-shirt contrasted with the 
formal outfit of her boss and drew attention from passers-by. Lisa's bottom got 
plenty of stares from passing guys because it was obvious she was not wearing 
any underwear under the thin fabric of her gym shorts. As she continued to push 
the cart behind Burnside, Lisa's shorts began riding up into her bottom and she 
could feel the hot morning sun shining on the lower part of her buttocks. Every so 
often she had to stop and pull them back down, but as soon as she started moving 
again the shorts immediately began working their way back up.

Lisa sighed as she helped Burnside set up for her lecture. She was beginning to 
feel aroused from being so scantily dressed in public and having had part of her 
bottom on public display. Her outfit (especially from the waist down) left very 
little to the imagination and barely stayed within the limits of what was 
considered acceptable clothing in public areas of the university. Her feelings 
about her exposure were complex and contradictory. Perhaps wearing the skimpy 
shorts was somewhat embarrassing, but deep down Lisa enjoyed the stares and 
attention directed at her body. She remained quite the exhibitionist and secretly 
enjoyed being stared at.

Fortunately Lisa was able to push aside her erotic thoughts and focus on her 
duties as Burnside's student and student aide. She spent the rest of the day 
attending a total of five classes, the two sophomore-level lectures that she was 
taking as a student, the two freshman-level classes she was proctoring, and the 
political science class. During the later part of the afternoon she returned to 
Burnside's office, stripped off her uniform, and worked on an assignment for Dr. 
Halsey's class.

Lisa was not nearly as tired as she had been 24 hours earlier, so she was able to 
concentrate on her assignment. Burnside, meanwhile, was in and out of the office 
with various errands and thus not really paying much attention to her student. The 
strange flirting that had taken place between the two women the day before was 
absent that afternoon and they talked normally with each other. Lisa still had to be 
naked whenever in the office, but by the third day had become used to it and 
automatically undressed as soon as she was in the room and the door was shut. 
Within a few days even standing at attention in front of her boss with her hands 
behind her head and her legs spread would become routine and something she did 
automatically.

----------

Tracy entered the Economics Building in the evening with the other three pledges 
trailing behind her. As the group entered Burnside's office, the three pledges 
immediately sank to their knees. Lisa nervously stood at attention while the 
professor and the sorority officer discussed the day's performance and her work 
plan. Burnside handed Tracy a diskette with her notes for the day's training log 
and released Lisa for the evening. Lisa turned to Tracy and knelt, asking for 
permission to get dressed. A minute later Tracy and her pledges left the building 
and continued on their way to the sorority house.

The pledges stripped off their uniforms and dropped them in the washer upon 
being informed they would not be going back out that evening. As usual, they ate 
dinner with the sophomores, cleaned the table, and knelt in the sitting room. The 
pledges noticed three massage tables set up and realized the night's lesson would 
be in giving massages. Tracy entered the room with Lisa's acquaintance Suzanne 
Foster, who had just been certified as a massage therapist. As the pledges 
continued to kneel, Tracy announced that learning massage therapy counted 
among the expectations the sorority had of them.

Suzanne began the presentation with an overview of the various muscle groups in 
the human body, focusing the differences between women and men as the 
introduction of a comprehensive course that would continue throughout the 
summer. She would start by teaching basic Swedish massage, concentrating on a 
different section of the body each week. Her program would continue with other 
types of standard massage such as sports massage, and finally would finish in 
August with two sessions of erotic partner massage. 

She added that the pledges would first learn how to massage each other, and then 
would learn how to massage male subjects. "The Triple-A pledges are doing this 
as well, starting with each other, and then they'll be practicing on you."

Suzanne briefly discussed the issue of "draping", the practice of covering a 
massage patient with a sheet. She noted that in Europe "draping" was less 
important than it was in the US, and that she preferred for her patients not to be 
draped.

"I like to see my patients as nature created them and not worry about moving a 
sheet around. Anyhow, with you modesty is not an issue, so we won't be worried 
about draping."

With that Suzanne directed the pledges to pair off. Lisa knew better than to pair 
off with Kathleen, in spite of her lover's longing expression. Take it easy, 
Kathleen, thought Lisa to herself. We'll have plenty of time to massage each other 
later in the summer. Instead Lisa paired off with Cherine, leaving Kathleen to take 
Bernadette as her massage partner. Lisa instructed Cherine to hop up on the table 
and awaited Suzanne's next instructions.

Tracy dimmed the lights, stripped off her own clothing, and sat on the third table. 
She would serve as Suzanne's instruction subject and get several free massages in 
exchange. As Tracy lay quietly on her back, Suzanne began by explaining the 
importance of warming the oil before applying it to the patient. She spread the oil 
over the lower part of the Pledge Mistress's body, explaining that she would 
concentrate on her subject's feet, the fronts of her legs, and her abdomen during 
the first part of the class. Lisa followed suit on Cherine's body, applying oil to her 
feet, legs, and abdomen. Suzanne's disregard for modesty became even more 
evident as she ran her fingers over the upper part of Tracy's pelvis, applying oil in 
that rather private spot at the same time she lubricated her stomach.

Cherine's body seemed to get darker and more exotic-looking when her skin was 
wet with oil. Lisa felt a surge of erotic longing sweep through her. Now, on top of 
everything else that was messed up about her life, she was feeling sexual desire 
for Cherine. Guilt swept over her as she glanced at Kathleen, but her guilt only 
increased her secret attraction towards the unsuspecting freshman lying on the 
table in front of her.

Lisa finally pushed her thoughts aside and concentrated at the task at hand, using 
her hands to bring pleasure and relaxation to the young body under her control. 
She would do her best to give Cherine a good massage, and look forward to the 
massage she would be getting in return after a few minutes. However, as her 
hands worked their way up the soft flesh on the inside of Cherine's thighs and her 
fingertips came close to touching her dark vagina, Lisa's feelings of arousal 
returned. She worked her way around to her companion's stomach and followed 
Suzanne's instructions to massage in a circular motion to help her digestion. Then 
her fingers ventured towards the top of Cherine's pelvis, working their way into 
her short black public hair. Lisa so badly wanted to continue downwards, touch 
Cherine's clitoris, explore the young virgin's vagina, and bring her to orgasm. So 
close…and yet…

Lisa sighed with a combination of disappointment and relief when Suzanne 
ordered the women to switch places. Tracy sat up as well, but Suzanne explained 
that she would need to lie back down to serve as her model for the second half of 
the class. Tracy certainly had no problem with that; she was getting a double-
massage on her legs as a result of her role as Suzanne's model.

As Cherine's hands worked their way up her legs, Lisa continued to feel very 
aroused. She was getting wet between her thighs, and because she kept herself 
completely shaved, there was absolutely nothing to hide what was happening to 
her vulva. Her clitoris was swollen and her vagina increasingly wet. Of course, 
Cherine did notice the wetness building on her companion's most intimate areas, 
but decided not to make an issue out of it. She quietly followed Suzanne's 
instructions and simply hoped for the uncomfortable session to end quickly. 

What Cherine wished was that she could have been massaging Jacob. If only Lisa 
were Jacob, then she really would be getting some pleasure out of the experience. 
As she thought about Jacob, Cherine resolved to learn how to give a proper 
massage, because that would be her first intimate gift to him. Cherine thus ended 
by giving Lisa a very good massage, not because she was interested in pleasing 
Lisa, but because she was fantasizing about massaging Jacob.

----------

Fortunately Bernadette and Kathleen got through the session without any hint of 
sexual arousal. Kathleen was so enamored with Lisa that she paid no attention to 
Bernadette, apart from making the effort to give her a proper massage. 
Bernadette, meanwhile, was totally straight and never would feel any attraction 
towards another woman, no matter how attractive. Now if Kathleen were a 
guy…then Bernadette's physical reactions would be completely different. Yes, 
she most definitely would be aroused if she were massaging a guy in such an 
intimate manner. In fact, she very much was looking forward to the upcoming 
practice with the Tri-Alpha pledges and hoped to exchange massages with all of 
them.

----------

The massages put the three freshmen in a better mood and made them more 
relaxed for their next activity, the nightly study session. Because they were taking 
the same classes, Tracy expected them to study together and exchange knowledge 
and ideas with each other. The study groups were an important part of the pledge 
program, because the sorority wanted the pledges to learn to work in a group and 
also bond with each other. Assuming that the freshmen were not used to college-
level academics, Tracy sat with them and directed the study group during the first 
week of classes.

Lisa presented a bit of a problem to the study program because she was a 
sophomore. She already had taken the classes that her group-mates were enrolled 
in, so to study with them would do her no good. Had she not been worried about 
all of her responsibilities to Ruth Burnside and the Economics Department, Tracy 
might have wanted Lisa to lead the study group. However, she was smart enough 
to realize that Lisa's time was very limited and that she would need the 
opportunity to study separately. So, while Tracy and the freshmen talked in the 
library, Lisa quietly sat in the sofa in the guest room downstairs with her 
economics textbooks. Taped to the sofa was a hand-written note from the Pledge 
Mistress, authorizing Lisa to be separated from her group and to use the guest 
room, which normally was off-limits to pledges.

At 10:00 p.m. Tracy ordered the pledges to put away their books and go 
downstairs for bed. Lights-out was at 10:30. The pledges would be restricted to 
their cots, permitted to get up only to use the toilet. When the three freshmen went 
downstairs, Tracy chased Lisa out of the guest room and locked the door.

With that the normal daily routine of the summer pledge group was established. 
On weekdays the schedule was as follows:

5:30 – 6:00 – wake-up, pledge area cleaning, and personal inspection by the 
Pledge Mistress
6:00 – 7:00 – morning PT with the sophomores
7:00 – 7:15 – personal hygiene and packing book-bags for class
7:20 – 7:45 – breakfast with the sophomores, clean-up from the meal, and 
brushing teeth
7:45 – 8:00 – walk to the university for the first class of the morning
8:00 – 17:00 – classes on campus and chaperoned library study breaks
17:00 – 18:00 – return to the sorority house, dinner with the sophomores, clean-
up, personal hygiene
18:00 – 20:00 – Four-Beta pledge training
20:00 – 22:00 – study group and homework assignments
22:00 – 23:00 – personal hygiene, uniform maintenance, and lights-out

----------

At 10:30 Lisa's three companions fell asleep immediately, even Kathleen. 
However, as was becoming normal for her, Lisa lay awake on her cot in restless 
thought. She glanced at Cherine's body in the dimly-lit room and felt her erotic 
desire return full-force. She quietly began masturbating as she remembered 
Cherine's lovely dark skin glistening with massage oil and sliding under her 
hands. She relived the feeling of her fingers pressing through the freshman's 
black pubic hair and being so close to…oh yes…oh yes…

Lisa climaxed and came to her senses. Then she felt horrible about what had just 
happened, deeply troubled by her sudden sexual attraction to Cherine. 

What's wrong with me, she wondered to herself. What the fuck is wrong with 
me?

Lisa realized something very distressing about herself, a huge defect in her 
personality. Her mind ran through the events of the past two weeks and her 
fleeting attractions to various people in her life. On the very first day she had 
wanted that guy examining her to fuck her up the ass, then fantasized about giving 
herself to Tracy. After that came Kathleen, a frighteningly serious relationship she 
had just walked into with almost no thought or hesitation. With no thought at all 
she briefly reunited with Ken, only to yell at him and insult him seconds after he 
had given her what she wanted at the moment. The following morning she had 
flirted with Ruth Burnside, vaguely hoping for a sexual encounter with her 
professor. Hours later she was again with Kathleen, pleasing herself with no 
thought about her earlier encounter with Ken.

Finally, with very little consideration for Kathleen, who now adored her, she 
found herself attracted to Cherine. With Cherine there was absolutely no way she 
could hope to pursue her desires, because it was obvious that she was as straight 
as Bernadette and never would be attracted to Lisa at all. Not to mention the 
devastating impact such a betrayal would have on Kathleen.

There was more, much more. Over the past week, Lisa had wondered about her 
sexuality. Before her relationship with Kathleen it never had dawned on her that 
she might be lesbian, because her two previous lovers had been male. So, had she 
discovered that she was lesbian? If only it were that simple. Lisa's attraction for 
various guys had not diminished, even though at the moment she had a female 
lover. So, was she bi-sexual? Well, not exactly that, either. She realized that, if 
not restrained by personal commitments or the disapproval of society, she would 
be sexually attracted to whoever happened to be close at that moment, male or 
female.

Lisa's short attention span explained why her relationships had started so 
abruptly, going back to her sudden attraction towards Ken in January. United with 
him by random circumstances, she became attracted to him. The moment she was 
separated from him, her attention shifted elsewhere and within a week had 
focused on Kathleen. The moment her hands touched Cherine, her sexual desires 
shifted yet again. Fortunately for Kathleen, Lisa knew that there was no way 
Cherine could ever be interested in her. Whatever sexual experimenting Lisa 
might have wanted to try with her would have to remain within the confines of 
her own fantasies. In other words, Lisa would not cheat on Kathleen because the 
opportunity had not presented itself. Not a very pleasant thought.

Lisa's mental journey returned to her first boyfriend Mike and their break-up. As 
she re-examined her role in the break-up of their relationship she wondered how 
much she really had loved him. She had always thought that the reason she had 
broken up with him was because she had changed in Chicago, while he had not. 
Now Lisa was forced to re-examine herself. She realized that what had changed 
had not been her, but instead her circumstances. The moment her environment 
changed and her options opened up, she got bored with Mike and the restrictions 
the relationship with him placed on her. The only reason she had not been bored 
with him earlier was because her life did not give her many other romantic 
options while still in high school. In reality her relationship with Mike had been 
doomed from the start, although it took her nearly five years to realize that. What 
he had to offer her was stability, and stability was something that Lisa Campbell 
could not handle.

Lisa sat up and ran her fingers through her hair. What she had just discovered 
about herself frightened her. Was she even capable of maintaining a long-term 
relationship? What if she couldn't, and was condemned to spending her life going 
from lover to lover, hurting everyone she came in contact with? If that was all she 
was good for, then did she have any value as a human being at all?

She had to talk to someone. The only person who she could talk to in the entire 
sorority was her Pledge Mistress. She took a deep breath and nerved herself to go 
upstairs. She was fully aware that she was risking being disciplined by being out 
of the pledge room without permission after hours, but she would just have to take 
that risk. She had to talk.

Lisa nervously slipped into the quiet hallway of the sorority house, hoping to find 
the Pledge Mistress in the office or the library. She tried the office first, and to her 
huge relief saw Tracy sitting alone in the room at the computer. Lisa nervously 
sank to her knees and requested permission to speak.

"You can speak, Pledge, but I hope you have a real good reason being out of your 
bed at this hour. If you don't, the next thing you'll be doing is bringing me a strap 
out of the storeroom."

Lisa swallowed and began trying to explain her inner struggles with her 
relationships. To Tracy's credit, as soon as she realized that Lisa was trying to 
share something very important about a personal situation, her entire demeanor 
changed. She put aside her Pledge Mistress façade and began speaking to Lisa in 
the same manner that a psychologist would use with a patient. She asked Lisa 
some questions about her high school experiences and her emotional dependence 
on Mike. 

Very haltingly, Lisa continued by confessing everything that she had felt over the 
past two weeks and her very confused state of mind. She even admitted her 
fleeting attraction to her listener, expecting a harsh reaction, but instead she just 
got more questions. Finally Tracy was ready to share some of her opinions.

"Pledge Lisa, let's break your feelings and your situation down person by person. 
I think we can knock-off myself and Dr. Burnside from the start. The deal with us 
is that, for you, we are authority figures. You have to bust your ass making us 
happy, because if you don't, we can make your life miserable. Constantly having 
to put forth effort to please an authority figure will invariably affect how you feel 
about that person. You have to make a real effort to please us, and when you do 
manage to please us it makes your life a lot easier. In other words, our mood 
affects your life and sense of accomplishment. That's going to affect what you 
think about us, and it's very easy for that feeling of emotional dependency to get 
sexual. So that's where you stand with me, and presumably with Dr. Burnside."

"I…uh…I 'spose so, ma'am."

"As for the guys in the fraternity, yes, we will expect you to be open to sexual 
exploration. But that's part of the pledge program and is more for your own 
knowledge than anything else. So that leaves four people in your life that you 
need to be concerned about: Mike, Ken, Kathleen, and Cherine."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Let's eliminate a bit more. Mike's in California and out of the picture. Cherine's 
also out of the picture, because you've told me yourself there's no way she'd be 
interested in you. That leaves just Ken and Kathleen. Kind of simplifies things, 
doesn't it?"

"Not really ma'am, 'cause my attention's going all over the place. It's like…I 
want whoever's in front of me. I mean, what happened with Pledge Cherine…I 
mean…"

"Well, Pledge, you know what? I think your situation is a lot simpler than what 
you think it is. It's real simple, in fact."

"I…don't…"

"Let me finish with my thoughts. Your short attention span in your relationships 
is due to a lack of maturity in your personality. You didn't have a lot of 
excitement in high school and only one relationship, so you don't know how to 
balance your needs against those of everyone who's close to you. You're 
extremely impulsive, and to me that explains what's going on with your personal 
life and your sexual whims. As for excitement, subconsciously you think you're 
entitled to it now, because you didn't have it before. The problem with that 
mentality is that you're not thinking about the consequences of letting your 
attention and sexual energy jump around so much. Not once did I hear you say 
'I'm going to do what I can to overcome this, because if I don't, I'm gonna end up 
hurting myself and a whole bunch of other people.' Not once did I hear that from 
you."

"So you're blaming me?"

"No, I'm not. I'm simply stating a fact. I think you've got this idea that you're 
going to simply indulge yourself, even though you know perfectly well that you 
can't. You don't have that luxury, because too many other people depend on you 
right now."

Lisa stared straight ahead, not knowing how to respond. Finally Tracy added:

"A minute ago, I said your situation was simple. I didn't say it was easy. Simple 
and easy are two totally different things."

"Ma'am. I never wanted all this responsibility. This isn't what I came here for. I 
just wanted to get some experiences and find out who I am."

"Yes, I remember that from your pledge packet. You came here to have some fun, 
and to find out who you are and what you want. You're now starting to find that 
out, and it isn't what you expected. Maybe the answer to your question is starting 
to get a bit scary, because you're not quite who you thought you were. And as for 
the responsibility, you're stuck with that. You've got commitments to the sorority 
and the Economics Department, and more specifically, to Dr. Burnside and your 
fellow pledges. And you'd better think long and hard before doing anything that's 
going to hurt Pledge Kathleen or Pledge Ken."

"But, ma'am, Ken's out of my life."

"No, he isn't. You jumped to a conclusion about him, when what I was telling you 
was to keep an open mind. You're still jumping to conclusions about him, and 
you'd better knock it off. You don't know what's going to happen with Ken. No 
one does, not even Ken himself. Now here's something else for you to consider. I 
know that in your own mind you've used Ken's confusion about his sexuality to 
justify some of your own behavior. I suppose you think that Ken's even more 
self-centered than you are, which I admit he is. However, he'll have to work 
through his own issues with the Triple-A's, just like you have to work through 
yours with us. You have no business using his problems to justify your own 
irresponsibility."

A surge of anger and frustration swept over Lisa. Why was she getting all the 
blame?

"Ma'am, how come you're ripping into me like this, calling me irresponsible? 
What is it that you want me to do?"

"I'm not ripping into you. I'm simply saying that you have an issue in your life, 
something that I would consider a weakness of character. You've identified it, and 
if you don't want to hurt the people who care about you, you're gonna have to 
deal with it. That's all I'm saying."

Tracy stayed silent for a moment, giving Lisa a moment to think over what she 
had just said. When Tracy realized that Lisa did not have any more pending 
questions or comments, she shouted:

"PLEDGE! STAND UP!"

Lisa scrambled to her feet and was dismissed.

----------

Lisa went back downstairs with Tracy's psychoanalysis still ringing in her mind. 
The Pledge Mistress, in her usual blunt manner, had given Lisa a new perspective 
about herself. It had not been what she wanted to hear, but if Tracy was right, 
Lisa's problems grew out of a single weakness in her personality that she could 
combat, now that she had identified it.

The conversation already had resolved an issue Lisa's life by settling her feelings 
towards Cherine. The temptation she had felt earlier in the evening had passed. 
Cherine was off-limits and Lisa was able to accept that.

Lisa's feelings towards Kathleen also were settled, at least for the time being. Lisa 
felt committed to giving Kathleen a decent relationship, doing what she could to 
satisfy her needs, and using their time together to help her lover build up her 
confidence and self respect.

The difficulty facing Lisa (and Kathleen) was that Lisa was not lesbian. She 
enjoyed sex with guys and usually men figured in her erotic fantasies much more 
than women. Her attraction to Kathleen began not because of sexual orientation, 
but because of the two women's personal circumstances and isolation from the 
outside world. Her attachment to Kathleen was still much more emotional than 
sexual.

As for Kathleen, her emotional needs were quite clear. Her soul was starved for 
affection and she needed someone to care about her. However, her sexual needs 
were a different matter. Lisa suspected that she was in the same situation as Ken, 
not sure what her sexual needs were. Lisa knew that in high school she had been 
sexually active, but her partners always had been the type who had taken 
advantage of her desperation for love as an opportunity to have easy sex. 
Kathleen's experiences with guys were nothing but a collection of bitter 
memories of betrayals, and as a result her perception of men was very warped. 
Kathleen hated young men because nothing good had ever come out of them as 
far as she was concerned. However, did that make Kathleen gay, or was she just 
embittered against men due to her personal experiences? What would happen if 
she did meet a guy who treated her decently?

Lisa pondered that question, because it was important for the future direction of 
her own life. In spite of her relationship with Kathleen, there was no way she 
wanted to give up sex and relationships with men. That night she had resolved to 
stay loyal to Kathleen, but that loyalty would only extend to encounters with other 
women. To deny herself the pleasure of sex with men was to deny part of who she 
was, and Lisa suspected that was not what Tracy wanted her to do.

The issue of men brought her thoughts back to Ken. Lisa realized that she had 
been unfair to him, in spite of having plenty of reason to be angry at his deception 
throughout the spring semester. Lisa wanted to somehow atone for her unpleasant 
behavior and maintain a relationship with him, even if they ended up as just 
friends. The next time she saw him and had some time alone with him, somehow 
she would have to take the initiative to make up for her recent nastiness

Lisa finally managed to go to sleep; satisfied that some of her questions had been 
resolved. As for her other personal issues, at least Tracy had helped her identify 
some of her weaknesses and now she could confront them. 


