Celestial Reviews 44 - Dec 9, 1995

Note:  I have a short list of persons who are willing to help other 
authors by proofreading and commenting on early versions of stories.  
This is not the same as offering "remedial education."  All these 
writers are expected to do is read a story and make suggestions about 
grammar, style, and what they think needs to be clarified.  Authors are 
free to accept or ignore the advice they receive.  It is likely that 
authors and proofreaders will develop strange and wonderful 
relationships.

At the present time, I think it is best that I serve as a central 
clearing house.  If you (an author) would like to have a volunteer 
proofreader, contact me; and I'll give your name to someone on my list.  
By doing it this way, we can minimize the chance that one proofreader 
will get all the work while someone else gets nothing to read.  An 
author who is dissatisfied with the arrangement can always contact me a 
second time for another proofreader.  

Proofreading is actually fun, if you have time to do it; and the 
authors will benefit greatly.  If you are interested in doing this, all 
I need is your name and your permission to give out your e-mail address 
(it can even be an anonymous address).

So IF YOU WANT FREE HELP AND FEEDBACK BEFORE POSTING A STORY, contact 
me, and I'll match you up with one of the reviewers.

Second Note:  Because several people have requested it, I am reposting 
Virtuous Reality today.  Your comments are welcome.

- Celeste

      "Flight" by Stephanie (TG public sex) 10
      "Wonderful Journey" by Kid Dynamite (mile high public
            sex) 10
      "Seen by Air" by Rajah Dodger (mile high public sex) 9
      "Interview2" by Deirdre (oral sex) 8
      "Julie" by Deirdre (anal sex) 4
      "Lake" by Deirdre (bondage & ff sex) 9
      "Debra Eats Pizza" by K.M. Giansante (hot sex) 8
      "Reunion" by Steve Black (romance) 10
      "Sue Saves Christmas " Paul LeComte (holiday orgy) 10
      "With Sue: A Weekend on the Island" by Anonymous (hot
            orgy) 10
      "The Good Neighbor" by Delta (existential epiphany) 10
      "Beverly and Deanna" by Ann Douglas (sci fi) 10
      "The Diary" by Court-Jester and Train (teen sex) 8

Here are the winners of the Second Annual Celestial Story Contest.  The 
general story line of all of them is that a woman is traveling with her 
husband and begins to masturbate after he falls asleep.  A stewardess 
notices this.... (and then the new author takes over).  Since the 
stories tend to depend on interesting twists, I'll try to critique them 
without revealing information that would make them less interesting.

All three of the finalists are excellent authors, whose work has 
received high ratings in the past.  I was faced with a close and 
difficult decision, but I am giving first place to Stephanie for the 
story reviewed below.  The other two finalists (reviewed immediately 
afterwards) were also excellent stories.  I was happy to be able to 
stimulate three good writers to write such excellent stories.  I 
encourage the authors to post (or repost) the stories for everyone to 
read.

"Flight" by Stephanie (an266891@anon.penet.fi).  This author was also 
the winner of the First Celestial Story Contest.  As such, she probably 
had one strike against her going into this contest: I felt a slight 
urge to spread the honors around by letting someone else win.  Another 
strike against her was that I knew she writes TG stories; and so when 
the stewardess went down on the narrator, I had a sneaking suspicion 
that she was really a he.  On the other hand, Stephanie had the major 
advantage of being a very creative person and of handling herself quite 
well with two strikes against her.  Even though I "knew" what was going 
to happen, I was surprised over and over again.  I found it to be 
particularly interesting that she was able to integrate this story with 
her previous "Locksmith" story, which won the First Annual Celestial 
Story Award.  As the present story ended, I received the distinct 
impression that I was being set up for a Third Annual Celestial Story 
entry, even though she cannot possibly know what that lead-in will be.  
No problem, even when I think I know exactly what Stephanie is going to 
do, I still have no idea what she is going to do.  (Rating: 10)

"Wonderful Journey" by Kid Dynamite (an109288@anon.penet.fi).  This 
story reeks with hot sex, in spite of the fact that nothing much really 
happens.  This author does an exceptionally good job of building and 
maintaining sexual tension.  As you may recall, the original stimulus 
for this contest was a story by Deirdre that I said left too much to 
the imagination.  This present story also leaves almost everything to 
the imagination, but now the imagination is more thoroughly stimulated.  
An excellent story.  (Rating: 10)

"Seen by Air" by Rajah Dodger (an455569@anon.penet.fi).  The story 
continues with the woman falling asleep and awakening to the voice of 
the stewardess in a darkened cabin: "Do you have a fever?.. You look 
hot."  Her bedside manner does nothing to cool the woman down.  Shortly 
thereafter, the woman goes to the bathroom and returns to find the 
stewardess in her seat, next to her sleeping husband.  And then...  
You'll have to read the story yourself to find out.  (Rating: 9)

As you probably know, I review a large number of Deirdre's stories.  
This is partly because I enjoy her stories and partly because someone 
has agreed to repost three of the stories every Wednesday and Saturday, 
so that they appear in the postings along with my reviews.  I hope 
these reviews help you enjoy these stories as much as I do.

"Lake" by Deirdre.  Mom is visiting her daughter at college when the 
child casually lets it slip out that her roommate is, of all things, a 
lesbian!  Mom doesn't like this idea one bit.  But Casey says not to 
worry - the roommate doesn't like college kids, just older women.  Now 
where do you think this story is going?  Well, that's what I thought 
too; but I was wrong!  (Rating: 9)

"Interview2" by Deirdre.  In the last issue of Celestial Reviews I 
reviewed Deirdre's "Interview" and then boldly predicted what 
"Interview2" would be about.  I was wrong.  Actually, Deirdre simply 
repeats the previous story with a male inserted into the previously 
female role.  It's a really interesting twist.  I recommend that you 
read "Interview" before reading "Interview2."  (Rating: 8)

"Julie" by Deirdre.  This story never really gets off the ground.  
Julie's life is in a rut, and her friend takes her to visit a guy who 
will do different things with her - like fuck her in the ass.  Deirdre 
has written a lot of stories that are better than this one.  (Rating: 
4)

"Debra Eats Pizza" by K.M. Giansante (kaygee@vision.postech.ac.kr).  
After reading "Debra Fucks My Car" for the last issue of Celestial 
Reviews, I decided to see what Debra could do to a pizza.  Actually, 
Debra and her boyfriend merely get turned on by an attractive Mexican 
waitress at the pizza place. Then they go home (sans pizza or Mexican 
girl) and fuck their brains out.  The story is well presented and the 
sex is hot.  (Rating: 8)

"Reunion" by Steve Black(c621097@showme.missouri.edu).  When I reviewed 
the first story by this author I complimented him for trying to blend 
the emotional with the rational, but I chided him for going too far to 
the rational side.  This author is a fast learner: this story is an 
excellent blend of the two components.  I'm not going to describe the 
story in detail.  Briefly, it's about a man and woman who used to be 
lovers but drifted apart and who become reunited at the end of this 
story.  Some readers will dislike it because in the first two-thirds of 
the story there is no sex at all in it.  Sometimes lengthy monologues 
about "how I screwed up our relationship" are really boring, but the 
author effectively uses lines from "their song" to break the potential 
monotony.

Incidentally, I don't mean this as criticism of this particular story, 
but in real life when there's a problem with a romantic relationship 
and people seem to be drifting apart, there's at least one good 
solution besides having an affair or dissolving the relationship.  It's 
called counseling.  If you find that reading a.s.s. stories and even my 
reviews doesn't help you get your life in order, go to the phone book 
and look in the yellow pages  In the Sulphur Springs Yellow Pages, you 
would look under either "Mental Health Services" or "Marriage, Family, 
Child & Individual Counselors."  I don't know why it's not even cross-
referenced under "C" for "Counselors.".  It has always angered me that 
it's so much easier to find a car dealer or dentist than a counselor.  
It's not an admission of failure to seek help.

On a less serious note, this story raises the question: When two people 
are alone in a house and no one else even has a key, why do they close 
the bedroom door when they make love?  This was an excellent, romantic 
story.  (Rating: 10)

"Sue Saves Christmas " by Paul LeComte (FA27482@UAFSYSB.UARK.EDU).  Two 
heterosexuals and one lesbian (all geologists) are stranded on 
Christmas Eve in a Bolivian desert, bemoaning their lack of holiday 
cheer - when what to their wondering eyes should appear?  It's Sue - 
filling in for Santa Claus.  When Sue asks them what they want for 
Christmas, they all give the same answer; and so they have to share 
Sue, who doesn't seem to mind it at all.  This is a delightful story!  
Read it with someone you love!  (Rating: 10)

"With Sue: A Weekend on the Island" by Anonymous 
(suenh@kear.tdsnet.com).  Sue has certainly become popular on 
alt.sex.stories lately.  In addition to starring in the previous story 
and this one, she has reposted several of her own stories in the past 
few weeks; and she was the central figure in my own "Virtuous Reality."  
The present story is written in the form of a letter to a minister from 
his wife, who has been spending the weekend on an island with the 
assistant pastor and Sue and her boyfriend.  I guess you could say that 
Sue was doing some missionary work, although she was rarely in that 
position.  This story contains a lot of really hot sex between and 
among the various characters.  The most serious problem I encountered 
was that at one point Ross was staring at Sue with his eyes closed.  I 
think that would be hard to do; but with Sue all things are possible.  
Since this is a partially religious tract, I suppose it is appropriate 
to conclude with a partially religious question.  Is it more blessed 
for the pastor's wife to give or to receive head from the assistant 
pastor while traveling at 65 m.p.h. on the expressway on the way home 
from the island?  (Rating: 10)

"The Good Neighbor" by Delta (an248969@anon.penet.fi).  Stories like 
this simply don't appear on alt.sex.stories - at least not very often.  
Stories like this appear in literature books, written by either Russian 
or German authors - or at least by European existentialists. 

The plot unfolds slowly through the eyes of a man who plans to blow his 
brains out.  Just when we realize that this man is truly despondent and 
plans to kill himself, there is a knock at the door and a woman enters 
the room.  She is concerned about having lost her beauty, and she asks 
the man for his input. A little perturbed that this woman is 
interrupting his much more significant suicide for such trivial 
reasons, the man eventually decides that a final act of kindness will 
do no harm and might even make a difference to her; and so he tells her 
that she is beautiful.  Very quickly the two find themselves preparing 
to make love, and the man who was about to commit suicide suddenly 
feels the need to use a condom and to put a robe on the floor to 
prevent either of them from getting floor burn.  And so it goes

Who is this woman?  How will life change for the two of them?  This is 
an excellent alt.sex.STORY.  (Rating: 10)

"Beverly and Deanna" by Ann Douglas.  Beverly is the head doctor on the 
Enterprise.  To be more specific, she's the chief doctor - a head 
doctor could mean something else on this newsgroup.  Deanna is the 
counselor on the Enterprise; and she not only instructs Beverly to take 
a vacation, but she also accompanies her to Gamma Hydra IV and gets her 
high on Altarian apple wine - all of which results in an interesting 
ffff (female-female fucking frolic).  Those futuristic counselors sure 
know how to make a woman forget the cares of intergalactic life!  

I'm not a Trekkie, but I did enjoy the story.  There are numerous 
allusions to Star Trek, which I was forced to ignnore; and more expert 
readers may enjoy the story even more by making these connections. 
Betazoids, of course,  are more sensitive than humans in certain areas; 
but other than that, it's almost as if the author is writing about two 
human females.  This was a thoroughly enjoyable story.  (Rating: 10)

"The Diary" by Court-Jester and Train (an214983).  I have reviewed 
stories by the Court-Jester before; and my commentaries on his stories 
have proven helpful to him as well as to several other beginning 
writers who have contacted me.  Therefore, this detailed review should 
be regarded as helpful rather than as picky.  I have every reason to 
believe that the Court-Jester views me as a helpful friend and that he 
is willing to share these public criticisms with other beginning 
writers.  I want to assure you that there are cuntless writers on 
a.s.s. who have similar problems and can benefit from this advice.

This story is written in the form of a single long entry in a diary.  
At the time the story is written the 15-year-old narrator is an inmate 
at a sexual abuse recovery institution.  She got there by fucking her 
brains out with the 21-year-old dorm counselor, who is now in prison 
for statutory rape.  That's enough about the story.  I'm not even going 
to mention how they get caught having anal sex behind the front desk.

As a matter of style, I think if the authors are going to use the diary 
format, it would be better to have numerous shorter entries rather than 
a single long one.  In addition to being more realistic (I don't know 
anyone who writes just one long entry in a diary), the larger number of 
entries spread over several days would offer opportunities to examine 
events and feelings from different perspectives.  At times the story 
has what I'll call uneven seams - bad connections - places where the 
authors either needlessly repeat obvious details or omit information 
that would help the flow of the story.  These problems could be 
eliminated by simply starting a new day's entry at those junctures. 

The story also contains numerous grammatical and spelling errors.  To a 
certain extent, these are fine; after all, this is supposed to be the 
diary of an oversexed teenage girl, not of a rocket scientist.  Some of 
the errors are on the border between being fun and being distracting; 
for example, the authors use Aphroditey for the name of the Greek 
goddess of love.  An unlettered teenager might spell the name that way, 
but perhaps it would be better to spell it correctly to avoid a 
needless distraction.  However, a large number of the errors are 
distracting.  For example, the narrator talks of "parting" with her 
friends when she means "partying."  It is not easy to write prose that 
deliberately looks "unlearned" - successful authors have struggled with 
methods to make characters sound natural (that is, a little 
unintelligent) without annoying the hell out of their readers.  The key 
point is that the "mistakes" should sound like those the character 
would make.  Therefore, it's OK to say "Who are you talking to?" (which 
is bad grammar but natural) - but it is not OK to say the girl was 
"parting with her friends" or "she meet him for the first time (both of 
which are bad grammar, but give the impression of confusion on the part 
of the author and therefore annoy the reader).  My impression is that 
the authors relied too heavily on spellcheck instead of a careful 
proofreading.  TAKE ADVANTAGE OF MY FREE SERVICE.  GET SOMEONE TO 
PROOFREAD YOUR NEXT STORY.

On the very positive side, the "confusion" in the order in which the 
plot unfolds is well done.  We get details in a disorganized, non-
linear order; but it would be natural for an adolescent girl writing a 
diary to omit details or presume that the reader knew things that would 
actually be known only to the author herself.  For example, the 
narrator talks about her "special friends" as if we know who they are, 
and we gradually figure out that these are a group of girls who 
masturbate together.

{Did you notice my subtle humor in the first paragraph of the review of 
this story?  I used the word "cuntless."  Did you think I had made a 
mistake for "countless"?  Or did I really mean cuntless?  Was I perhaps 
referring to *men* as cuntless readers - or even worse, was I was 
suggesting that men who write badly can't get a woman?  Since I usually 
spell pretty well and talk pretty good, you might as well assume that I 
did this on purpose.  But if I usually made constant mistakes in my 
writing, you would not know what to make of it.  So here we have 
further evidence for the value of proofreading.  

With exams coming up in schools all over the civilized world, it will 
be interesting to see if any college students are bold enough to work 
the word "countless" into their essays and to omit the "o."   It's my 
theory that cuntless students will feel tempted to do this but won't 
have the balls to actually do it!  As my husband puts it:  "Celeste, 
you're pretty good as a cunning linguist; but don't quit your regular 
job at fellatio."  Meanwhile, over in Nacogdoches, I can hear Hari Figg 
trashing an e-mail message to me and mumbling, "Dammit!  Foiled again!  
She spelled cuntless that way on purpose."}

What we have here is actually a very good story - still somewhat marred 
by faulty proofreading.  The moral of the story, of course, is that if 
you are running a dorm for a girls' camp, don't put a horny 21-year-old 
male on the night shift as the Dorm Assistant.  (Rating: 8)
