Celestial Reviews 65 - Feb 28, 1996

Note:  A reader who is also a frequent contributor to this newsgroup 
has suggested an improved rating system.  I like his suggestion so much 
that I have decided to modify his idea a little and give it a try.  The 
solution is to give each story THREE ratings, each ranging from 1 to 
10; and since these are Celestial Reviews, we'll name each rating after 
a goddess.

Athena.  Since Athena was the Goddess of Wisdom, the Athena rating will 
describe the technical quality of the story.  This rating will cover 
such matters as grammar, spelling, formatting, and creative use of the 
language.  A story with essentially no serious grammar, spelling, or 
usage problems will receive a rating of 8.  To get a rating of 9 or 10, 
the author will have to do something creative with the language.  Don't 
let that worry you; I consider my own writing to be worthy of a 10 in 
this category!

Venus.  Since Venus was the Goddess of Love and Storytelling, this 
rating will describe such matters as plot and character development.  I 
have tried to focus mostly on this aspect in the past, but the ratings 
have been contaminated by the Athena influence.  (For you students out 
there - until just now, Venus was not the Goddess of Storytelling.  Do 
not use this answer on any tests in school.)  Since this is a newsgroup 
for sex stories, hot sex that makes sense could contribute to a high 
rating here.

Celeste.  Since I am the self-proclaimed Goddess of Alt.sex.stories, 
the Celeste rating will describe how much I myself liked the story.  I 
have described my personal interests and preferences in my FAQ.  I am 
not demanding that authors try to please me, but I know that a lot of 
readers have interests that are similar to my own.  Authors who receive 
high ratings in other categories and a low Celeste rating can console 
themselves with the knowledge that I would give Henry James, James 
Joyce, and John Milton low ratings for almost all their writings. 
Stories leading directly or indirectly to an orgasm in which I 
participate in my real life are likely to receive very high ratings; 
but so are stories that make me laugh or intrigue me with their clever 
plot.  I also enjoy stories that suggest that people with what I'll 
call conventional value systems can still have a rich sex and fantasy 
life.

Ratings will look like this:  

      Athena (technical quality): 8
      Venus (plot & character): 10
      Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 

This set of ratings would describe a story that made few or no grammar 
mistakes, had a plot that was extremely well-developed, and appealed 
fairly strongly to me.  On the summary line, I'll simply list these as 
three separate ratings: {"Name of Story" by Author (topic) 8, 10, 8}

One concern is that this use of the names of goddesses might appear to 
involve an affiliation with a specific religion.  This is nonsense.  I 
am not really a goddess.  I also have my doubts about the authenticity 
of the other two.

Let's try this system for a couple of weeks.  Give it a chance, and 
then give me your feedback.

- Celeste

      "Oh What a Trip" by James Boswell (spouse watching)
            9, 7, 5
      "Living Statues" by R (mannequin sex) No rating
      "Coincidence" by Delta (romantic relationship) 10, 10, 10
      "One Afternoon" by Mark Aster (dreamlike orgy) 10, 10, 10
      "Two Much" by Frank McCoy (sci fi youth orgy) 6, 5, 4
      "The Secret Sex World of Alex Mack" by Mr. Jones (sci
            fi teenage & medical sex) 9, 9, 9
      "Video Hits" by Mark Aster (voyeurism & orgy) 10, 9, 10
      "Desert Rain" by M. M. Twassel (slice of life) 10, 7, 6


"Oh What a Trip" by James Boswell (skipper@usa.pipeline.com).  This is 
billed by the author as "Another Hot Wife Tale."  Because several other 
authors mentioned Boswell as an inspiration for one or another of their 
own stories, I downloaded several of his stories; and I have not yet 
regretted it.  The grammar in this story is screwed up on purpose - the 
narrator is supposed to be talking like a stereotypical hillbilly from 
North Carolina, probably somewhere near Mayberry R.F.D.  The author 
carries this off nicely.

The gist of the plot as that some Yankee preppies come Down Home and 
start lusting after the narrator's frisky young wife.  Though she loves 
her husband with endless devotion, she offers to frolic in the sack 
with one of these gents, because she knows it will please her husband 
to see her riding that sweet Yankee cock.  Well, actually, she gang 
bangs with all four of the visitors while her hubby watches from a 
secluded spot nearby.

Although this story is clearly written, it does little that's creative 
with the basic spouse-watching theme.  For my own part, I'm still not 
convinced that it would be all that hot to bang away mindlessly with 
four strangers while my husband hid in a corner and watched.

Ratings for "Oh What a Trip"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5

"Living Statues" by R.  I received this story from Robotdoll, who has 
submitted several stories that I have reviewed favorably.  Someone sent 
this story to him for his home page (located at 
http://users.aol.com/robotdoll/asfr.html), which archives stories about 
doll and robot sex.  The problem with this story is that it is not 
complete; and since the author has failed to contact him any further, 
Robotdoll has declared this story to be an orphan and has suggested 
that someone else may want to finish it.  The story already includes a 
prettty good startup; and if you are interested in this type of story 
you may wish to contact Robotdoll (Robotdoll@aol.com) or check out the 
home page.

Ratings for "Living Statues":  (No Rating yet)

"Coincidence" by Delta (an248969@anon.penet.fi).  The narrator is 
seated on a nearly full jetliner, dressed in a scruffy manner, waiting 
for takeoff, when - who to his wondering eyes should appear to take the 
seat next to him but his ex-girlfriend.  Ex-very-close-girlfriend.  
Hence the title.  Lisa appears not to recognize the former lover seated 
next to her, but the conversation coincidentally brings back memories 
of things past.  Hence the title.  The story consists mostly of the 
narrator's recollections of their good times together before they broke 
up somewhat bitterly.  While he ruminates, he debates within himself 
whether or not to disclose his identity to her.

This story contains hot sex, but it also contains much more than mere 
graphic descriptions.  The playful banter of the lovers adds to our 
reading enjoyment, as does our knowledge that these two broke up and 
our anticipation that they might be reunited.  The narrator even has a 
philosophy of life - that coincidences don't just happen; they 
represent the Universe speaking to us.  Is he going to tell her who he 
is?  Or does she already know; and maybe those coincidences aren't so 
coincidental after all.  As they say, everything happens for a 
purpose.... 

Here's an interesting aside: Just before I read this story, I was 
preparing my lesson plan for a presentation on Robert Frost's "The Road 
Not Taken."  Coincidence?  I hardly think so.  

Ratings for "Coincidence"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"One Afternoon" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com).  Let me tell you two 
things that really piss me off.  One: I come up with a really great 
rating system that's practically guaranteed to end my problem of too 
many 10's; and then the first time I try to use it I give not one but 
TWO stories perfect ratings in all three of my new categories!  Two: I 
hate mindless sex; this story is mindless sex; yet I loved this story!  
This story is very hard to describe.  Just try to imagine, "What kind 
of story filled with mindless sex - almost literally, mindless sex - 
could possibly thrill Celeste?  If you can answer this question 
correctly, you may already know the plot of this story.  Otherwise, 
you'll have to read it and find out.

Ratings for "One Afternoon"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Two Much" by Frank McCoy (mccoyf@millcomm.com).  This story is partly 
an essay on "What's Wrong with the Welfare System."  The real story 
begins with a detailed description of a 15-year-old boy clumsily and 
surreptitiously fondling the private parts of a 12-year-old girl and/or 
her twin sister while they are gathered around a table to play games or 
eat dinner with their families.  On his next visit he sits between the 
two twins and simultaneously fondles both their little cunts while they 
continue coloring.  I personally have never done exactly these 
activities, but the author certainly makes them seem plausible.

In the interest of fairness the girls demand that they be allowed to 
feel Our Hero's cock, to taste his cum, and to engage in other childish 
experiments.  He gives in to their demands.  When their 10-year-old 
sister threatens to tell, he lets her join the festivities too.  This 
may be a trite statement; but I think this is a good example of the 
kind of things that happen when masturbation gets out of hand.  The 
girls' mother approves of this youthful orgy and even helps conceal 
their activities from Mark's mother, who would almost certainly have 
been a party pooper.  The girls' mother even helps cure Mark's 
temporary impotence when he has trouble getting it up for the sixth or 
seventh time that evening.  

At this point, the story got really confusing for me.  I don't know 
whether the author was trying to pull of a stylistic coup that I 
missed; but I lost track of who was fucking and who was narrating, even 
though I read the text several times.  I think part of my problem was 
that the author was trying to get into "science fiction."  Although I 
am by no means an expert on that genre, I do enjoy good science 
fiction; but I felt that the science fiction elements of this story 
were really simplistic, as were the notions about the values of pre-
teen pregnancy.  As I understand it, the moral of this story is that it 
may be a good idea to knock up a bunch of cute little kids, because it 
may bring the family happily together and enable the mother to get off 
welfare while she sleeps with the teenager that boinked the kids.

This story brings to mind the question of what a parent should do if 
she finds her children engaging in sexual experimentation.  I know 
someone who claims his mother saw him masturbating and then rubbed 
brown shoe polish on him that night while he slept.  The next morning, 
he called this to his parents' attention at the breakfast table.  His 
father looked up from the newspaper and remarked, "You've been 
masturbating, haven't you?  That'll change your skin color every time!"  
I give this as an example of a really dumb reaction.  On the other 
hand, the reaction of the mother in this story isn't much better: "Oh, 
you're fucking my two 12-year-olds!  Well, my 10-year-old is going to 
feel left out; so you had better fuck her too.  Don't use a condom when 
you screw them.  But when you have sex with me, please use a condom, 
because I'm not sure I could continue being such a good mother if I had 
more children to take care of."  My own strategy was to give the girls 
a copy of Alex Comfort's The Facts of Loving and to have regular 
conversations with them to share out thoughts and feelings.

At first I didn't know what to make of the text format.  I kept running 
into new "chapters" in strange places.  At the very end of the story, I 
realized what I was dealing with was *page numbers*.  The author has 
apparently taken a typed or printed manuscript 29 pages long and 
scanned it into the computer.  I assume it is his own writing and not 
something he took out of a book he purchased, but I don't know why he 
didn't bother to at least remove the page numbers and clean up the 
text.

Ratings for "Two Much"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4

"The Secret Sex World of Alex Mack" by Mr. Jones 
(cthulh19@mirage.skypoint.com).  This story is science fiction.  Events 
like those in this story don't happen in real life.  My first clue was 
the notion that a doctor would make a house call to check on a non-
millionaire with flu-like symptoms.  My second clue came when Alex's 
body started to glow after Dr. Fuller fucked her in the ass.  Remember 
how Peter Parker and the Hulk screwed around with radioactive chemicals 
and got turned into superheroes?  Well, Alex has messed around with 
chemicals, but for her the outcome has been different: her sexual 
anatomy has taken on an independent existence; in short, she has a 
nymphomaniac residing inside her innocent body.

The action begins when Dr. Fuller arrives to check young Alex for flu-
like symptoms.  Alex's mom has to run an errand, and the sci-fi doctor 
offers to serve as a babysitter while he examines the unconscious young 
girl. When circumstances prevent him from taking the teenager's 
temperature orally, he is forced to insert his probe between her 
luscious ass cheeks.  Pretty soon Doc has all six inches (no 
radioactivity for him!) of his cock rammed up her ass and both are 
coming wildly.  For complex reasons Alex's body glows and emits sparks 
when she first achieves orgasm;  and since this is *science* fiction 
the good doctor feels obligated to test the hypothesis that it was the 
attainment of sexual fulfillment that caused her body to glow and emit 
sparks.  Sure enough, she glows and performs other weird activities.

This is the sort of story that will get Senator Exon and his ilk upset 
over the possibility that "this kind of trash might promote 
pedophilia."  Therefore, I would like to caution readers that in the 
unlikely event that you are ever a doctor visiting in her home a young 
nymphomaniac virgin with flu-like symptoms, you should not fuck her 
either anally or in any other way, even if her ass literally sucks your 
finger and then your penis into its hot little cavity.  Furthermore, if 
you think it would be fun to fuck a hot little teenager who glows and 
emits sparks, you are in for the shock of your life.  If - in spite of 
these warnings - you persist in molesting an innocent waif under these 
circumstances, at least be sure to wear a condom and whatever other 
accouterments are necessary to reduce the likelihood of electrocution.

This story was fun!  The author obviously intends to post many more 
chapters in this story.  I'm wavering between 9's and 10's on these 
ratings.  I'll suspend my final judgment until I have seen more, but I 
am already favorably impressed. 

Ratings for "The Secret Sex World of Alex Mack"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Video Hits" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com).  Our Hero and the Allen 
Sisters have gathered in front of the video monitor with Cousin Jake, 
who has figured out how to tap into the security cameras of a large 
company.  Naturally (that's au naturel in French), they are scanning 
for and watching the rampant sexual activity that goes on in any large 
company at night and are engaging in their own merriment while doing 
so.  I have reviewed five stories now by this author, and they have 
been consistently good.  The stories are actually loosely related 
chapters in what could eventually be a novel - if a consistent plot 
would ever develop.  I guess it might be better to compare them to the 
a.s.s. version of a good TV series.  Not only are his stories sexy, but 
they're just plain well written.  Other authors could benefit from 
taking a look at the variety of sentence structures that this author 
uses to convey nuances of meaning effectively.

At the risk of spoiling part of the plot, I am going to tell you how 
this story really won my heart.  The security camera zoomed in on a guy 
screwing a couple of women who obviously didn't want to have sex with 
him.  This is obviously sex abuse; and many authors on this newsgroup 
treat this as a legitimate form of amusement.  I was pleasantly 
surprised to find the characters in this story outraged by this 
behavior; and while they continued their own wildly erotic behavior, 
they promised to punish the bastard in a future episode.  Way to go!  

Ratings for "Video Hits"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Strip Racquetball" by Unknown Author.  Somebody namedSkipper 
(skipper@usa.pipeline.com) has been reposting several stories that he 
has collected from BBS collections.  These stories are of uneven 
quality, but some of them look pretty good.  This one is about a man 
and woman who have been playing racquetball together.  Since he has the 
edge on her, they set up the rules so that he spots her five points and 
then she has to take off one of her four pieces of clothing everytime 
he scores two points, and she has to take off one piece for every point 
she scores.  He gets to count his headband as a piece of clothing.  
Since the game is to 15, somebody will have to finish the game naked, 
and there's always the possibility of distractions or inconveniences 
from hard-ons. There's very little actual sex in this story, but it's 
an interesting idea.

Ratings for "Strip Racquetball"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7

"Desert Rain" by M. M. Twassel (WEGalen@aol.com).  Read this story.  It 
won't take you more than five minutes.  As I finished it, I had a 
feeling that it reminded me of some particular author or type of story.  
I still can't put my finger on it.  The closest I can come is to say 
that it resembles what I call the ultramodern short story genre - the 
type of story you find in "New Yorker" or one of those literary 
magazines that I find in waiting rooms but suspect my doctor or dentist 
doesn't really read.  The story has no real plot - just a slice of life 
and some clever repartee among the characters.  I suspect that the 
author may be Robin Williams writing under a pseudonym.

There really isn't much sex at all in this story - just innuendo.  As a 
teacher, I especially liked the part where the college-girl clerk 
mentioned to the old man that she had turns her steno pad face down on 
purpose to keep him from peeking at what she has written; and then she 
mentions that it's a poem and adds:

"What I really wonder about, though, is what you think about my poem - 
your thoughts about it without having read a single word of it, knowing 
only that it's about my boy friend's cock."  

I thought of this today when I was introducing a new lesson and was 
saying to my students, "I'd like to know your thoughts about this book 
without having read a single word of it, knowing only that it's 
entitled The Pearl and has this cover."  I guess maybe you had to be 
there; but would it have been funnier (a) if I slipped up and recited 
this author's sentence instead or (b) if the student answered, "It's 
about a storm in the desert where a college girl is working in a 
souvenir shop and an old couple comes in...?"  I'm going to watch for 
more stories by this author.

Ratings for "Desert Rain" 
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6

GRAMMAR TIPS OF THE WEEK:  An author named Jackie 
(an338903@anon.penet.fi) recently posted some examples of Erotic Story 
Bloopers.  I thought they were enjoyable, and maybe she'll repost them 
for those of you who missed them.  Most of Jackie's bloopers were 
simple typos that acciddentally spelled real words.  I have also been 
running into some interesting misspellings or word usage problems in 
recent stories.  In these cases, I think the authors may be unaware of 
the distinction, and so they are worth pointing out.  In each example 
the word that is used incorrectly actually has a meaning that makes the 
author say something he/she did not really intend.

DISCRETE/DISCREET.  "I looked at her body discretely."  This would mean 
that the observer first took a close look at her head, then shifted 
distinctly to her breasts, then to her feet - or something like that.  
The author meant to say "discreetly."

CONSENSUAL/CONSENTUAL.  "I usually engaged in sex only if it was 
consentual."  This would mean that the speaker only screwed people with 
him he had a formal contract indicating the consent of the fuckee.  The 
author meant to say "consensual."
