Celestial Reviews 74 - Mar 30, 1996

Note:  I am now using a rating system which gives each story three 
discrete ratings.  These are explained in more detail in my FAQ, but 
here is a summary.

Athena Rating.  This rating covers such matters as grammar, spelling, 
formatting, and creative use of the language.  A story with essentially 
no serious grammar, spelling, or usage problems will receive a rating 
of 8.  To get a rating of 9 or 10, the author will have to do something 
creative with the language.  

Venus Rating.  This rating describes such matters as plot and character 
development.  

Celeste Rating.  This rating describes how much I myself liked the 
story.  

Second Note:  Authors often ask how I select stories for review.  I get 
them from two sources: (1) authors (or others) send me stories via e-
mail, and (2) I find stories that sound interesting in the a.s.s. 
postings.  When I get busy, I rely more heavily on (1).  If you have a 
story that you would like me to review, you should probably send it to 
me.  If you send me a story, I consider that to be a sign that you want 
me to talk about it publicly in these reviews.  If you want help with a 
story before you post it, I can match you up with one or two of the 
volunteer proofreaders who have offered to help authors on this 
newsgroup 

- Celeste

      "Magic" by D.A. Ignatius (romance & adventure) 10, 10, 10
      "Face of Betrayal" by Morpheus' Twin (spouse watching) 10,
            10, 10
      "Klanwoman" by Zifferman (interracial sex) 7, 5, 4
      "Love in an Elevator" by SweetDreamer (anal sex) 10, 9.5,
            10
      "Horny" by Anonymous (hot sex in a van) 5, 5, 5
      "Red Hot" by Sue (orgy) 9.5, 10, 10
      "Rain" by M.M. Twassel (voyeurism & emerging sexuality)
            9, 10, 10
      "Sondra's Day" by Pete Ferrer (romance) 8, 10, 10
      "Pat Considers" by Mark Aster (possible pregnancy) 10, 10,
           10
      "Two Baby Sitters" by SexySailor (emerging sexuality)
           8, 10, 10

"Magic" by D.A. Ignatius (jash@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu).  This is another in 
the "DarkNites" series of reposts.  The story takes place in an 
undefined place - it could be in a galaxy far away; it could be in 
mythological times; it could be somewhere in the world right now.  The 
reader starts out with the awareness that something very vivid and very 
erotic is happening, but having no idea what is really going on.  As I 
started to decipher the story, I thought maybe we had a warrior queen 
who had been captured by a warrior king and now must pay the price by 
mating with him.  But as new information became available I had to 
adjust my perceptions.  It was ambiguous to me, for example, whether 
Lorelei was being raped or whether she was getting what she wanted.  It 
was hard to determine who was in control.

Sometimes ambiguity is bad, but sometimes it's good.  In this case the 
ambiguity is deliberate, and it is good.  When I reached the end of the 
story, part of my reaction was, "What was that all about?"  Often this 
reaction is a sign of indignation or frustration, but this time it was 
evidence of fascination.  I had to reread and rethink earlier events in 
terms of what I learned from later events.  This is an interesting 
approach if it is carried off effectively; and - even though I think 
there is room for improvement - I think this author did a good job.

I recall reviewing one of Elf Sternberg's stories, in which he used 
what I'll call a random-journal approach - that is, the story started 
on a page from the narrator's fictitious journal and assumed that the 
reader knew what lay behind the events described in that journal entry.  
When using this approach, the author knows perfectly well that the 
readers won't be able to meet this assumption; readers will discover 
later in the journal entry (or even in subsequent stories that purport 
to be previous or subsequent entries) information that will make events 
in a particular story make better sense.  Because I stated that some 
readers would be agitated by the ambiguity of Elf's style, some readers 
thought that I was saying that the story was badly written in this 
respect.  Not true.  If the author implements this technique 
effectively, the reader experiences a sensation of "Oh, so now I get 
it" that contributes to the enjoyment of the story.

I have digressed.  You can enjoy this story even if you don't care 
about the literary criticism stuff that I described in the preceding 
paragraph.  That paragraph tries to tell you *why* you'll enjoy the 
story; it's quite likely that you may not care *why*, as long as you 
*do* enjoy the story.  The plot focuses on the first-time sexual 
encounter of a woman who is used to being self-confident and dominant 
with a man who is now in charge but wants the experience to be 
beautiful for her.  This encounter evokes images and emotions that 
generate the sexual tension that permeates story.  You'll probably 
enjoy it even if you don't know (or care) why. However, the story is 
designed to be part of a longer story; and although it is enjoyable 
even in its present form, it would be more enjoyable if it could be 
read in its final context.

Ratings for "Magic"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5

"Face of Betrayal" by Morpheus' Twin (an282402@anon.penet.fi).  Rick 
comes home from work unexpectedly and finds his wife (Maddie) in bed 
with another man.  Rick doesn't burst into the room and raise hell or 
sneak away to feel hurt or plot revenge; rather, he reasons about what 
he sees.  He is primarily angry; but once he settles down, he also 
finds it a little bit stimulating.  He reflects on his sex life and his 
overall relationship with his wife, and he decides that life is 
actually pretty good.  And so he calmly walks into the room, takes off 
his clothes and joins the copulating couple.  They are stunned at 
first; but once they are instructed to do so, they manage to continue 
their activity with the added participant. As the narrator puts it - he 
treated the man as a guest not only in his home, but in his wife as 
well.  After the confrontation, the stranger comes rapidly inside 
Maddie; and then Rick and his wife go at it together.  Rick is 
reassured by Maddie's obvious ardor in their lovemaking, and they 
climax happily.

Afterwards, Rick gets his Swiss army knife from his coat pocket, kills 
them both, and chops their bodies into small pieces with an axe that he 
keeps in the hall closet.  No; that doesn't happen!  I don't know what 
came over me to make me say that.  What really happens is Rick tells 
the stranger to get lost so that he and Maddie can talk things over.  
Rick asks his wife for an explanation, and she replies that she has 
secretly been reviewing stories written by a person named Deirdre for 
an Internet newsgroup and that a mysterious force had seized control 
over her and forced her to have anal sex with young men assigned to her 
by her new mistress.  Actually, that doesn't happen either; but I kind 
of like that plot.  You'll have to read the story to see what really 
does happen.

In real life, the conflict resolution strategy employed by this couple 
may be risky.  Both Abby and Ann would suggest that husband and wife 
should consult a counselor.  However, this story makes for much more 
interesting reading.  My own advice from the Dear Celeste column is if 
you or your spouse feel a need for something like this, you should read 
a good story (like this one) and get it out of your system vicariously.  
That way no one gets hurt.

Ratings for "Face of Betrayal"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Klanwoman" by Zifferman (zifferman@aol.com).  The actual title of this 
story appears to be "KKK Wife," but for some reason the author used a 
different label in the story's title line in the postings.  The story 
focuses on the exploits of a fundamentally prejudiced White woman who 
suddenly finds true fulfillment in the arms of a Black man.

I think Zifferman set out to achieve a social egalitarian goal: he 
wanted to make a statement to contradict the notion that Blacks are 
inferior to Whites.  Unfortunately, he tries to accomplish his goal by 
employing more unfounded stereotypes than he debunks.  For example, I 
really doubt that the typical Black teenager has a dong like a donkey 
with which he's constantly ready and able to service needy White women.  
Likewise, I don't have a great fondness of Klansmen, but I really doubt 
that they have pathetic little penises.  The author also throws in 
references to Christianity and to parts of the United States that 
reflect personal rhetoric more than reality.  Finally, the attempt at 
dialect simply doesn't ring true; dialectical spellings are used 
inconsistently and simply give the impression of ignorance rather than 
ethnic or regional verisimilitude.

Nevertheless, this isn't an awful story.  If you're willing to buy into 
the notion that the wife of the Grand Kleegle or whatever they call him 
is likely to become enraptured with a friendly Black boy whom she sees 
bathing in the creek, fall deeply in love with him as a result of an 
intense sexual encounter, rescue him from an angry mob, and then run 
off with him to a life of marital bliss, you may enjoy this story.

Ratings for "Klanwoman"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4

"Love in an Elevator" by SweetDreamer (an277910@anon.penet.fi ).  Is it 
possible to have sex in a crowded elevator while it travels from the 
110th floor to the lobby?  According to this story, it works best of 
you use the back door and count on a round trip in order to complete 
the entire activity.

Ratings for "Love in an Elevator"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Horny" by Anonymous.  This was one of several stories posted from *-
=ASA=-* (Adult Stories Archive).  I decided to have a look.  If you 
want a story that appears to be literate (correct spelling, 
punctuation, etc.), you'll probably want to skip this one.  Likewise, 
if you want a story where there's a bit of an actual plot, this one 
probably won't suit your needs.  On the other hand, if you're 
interested in a wham-bam story where a woman simply wants a steel rod 
up her horny cunt, this one may be just what you need, as long as 
you're not annoyed by its general low level of literacy.

Ratings for "Horny"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Red Hot" by Sue (suenh@kear.tdsnet.com).  This story has a build-up 
that is itself longer than most of the sex stories on this newsgroup.  
By the time the real sex got started, I felt that I actually knew the 
participants.  

Sue serves as an art consultant to an elementary school.  She meets 
with the teachers and principal; and after school she finds it 
necessary to accompany John (the principal) and two of the teachers 
(Polly and Michael) to the married couple's house.  The chemistry 
starts to warm up when Michael shows Sue how to improve her technique 
at cutting zucchini - a vegetable I have never before seen mentioned on 
this newsgroup.  The others eventually discover that this person with 
them is THE SueNH from the most popular Newsgroup on Internet.  John 
has practically died and gone to heaven, because not only does he lurk 
on alt.sex.stories (which draws him to Sue), but he also is constantly 
on the alert for stories and pictures of red-heads (a disability which 
attracts him to Polly).  Fortunately, John is not also attracted to 
burly, male, Eastern European art teachers; and so the prospects for 
grouping and groping look good.

When someone suggests that Sue could write a story about their 
gathering, she disingenuously suggests that she needs more hints, and 
then the orgy ensues.  It turns out that red-haired Polly does not 
object in principle to making it with her principal when she lets her 
down, and Michael is especially interested in Sue now that he has 
learned that she is one of the three hottest women on alt.sex.stories.  
It is only fitting that I end this pun-filled paragraph with Sue's own 
award-winning statement about Polly as she went to work on John: 
"Normally he was the principal. Tonight she was the headmistress."  And 
I was so damned pleased with my own humble pun about the orgy ensuing!

An interesting element of the story is that Sue several times mentions 
her own personal distaste for anal sex.  She likes to be rimmed, but 
objects up the ass tend to strike her as painful.  {You know, it's 
really hard to write this paragraph without sounding like I'm making 
puns! But I'm trying to be serious here.}  The effect is really 
interesting.  Sue is actually able to make the story more erotic by 
mentioning the kind of sex she is NOT having.

For some reason the formatting of Sue's story has run amuck.  There are 
no apostrophes at all in the entire story, even though many are called 
for. In addition, all the beginning quotes have been changed to "Mail" 
and the end quotes to "Save as...".  This is really quite annoying.  I 
am certain that Sue is smart enough not to make these mistakes; but the 
effect is severely distracting.  I suggest that you use a global change 
strategy to get rid of the "Mail" and "Save as..." problem.  Somebody 
out there must know what is happening.  Is everyone getting this mucked 
up version of the story, or is it the result of some sort of 
interaction between Sue's system and my AOL system?  I suggest this 
possibility, because I found a similar problem in one other (but not 
all) of the stories that I downloaded from the postings through AOL 
this week.  If someone can tell me the solution to this problem, I'll 
post it in a future issue.  I suspect that a lot of readers and writers 
would like to know what to do about this.

Ratings for "Red Hot"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Rain" by M.M. Twassel (mmtwassel@aol.com).  "An orgasm is "like 
winning all the Nintendo games at once."  Those words are spoken by an 
18-year old girl to an 11-year-old boy while both of them are watching 
from seclusion as two couples make it on the nearby beach.  The author 
has taken the story entitled "Rain" by Mark Aster, which I reviewed in 
the last issue of CR, and has introduced the perspective of the young 
boy and the other girl watching from a nearby sand dune.  I don't want 
to tell you much more about the story; you should read it for yourself.  
It's a really sensitive and sexy story of emerging sexuality.  Although 
its title is "Rain," it's listed in the postings as "More Rain."

Ratings for "Rain"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Sondra's Day" by Pete Ferrer (Ferrer@msn.com).  It's her birthday, and 
29-year-old Sondra feels an emptiness in her life.  Her husband is 
asleep in the next room.  Although their son is spending the night with 
grandma, the couple has decided to celebrate the birthday on the 
weekend instead of today.  In addition, Sondra feels a mixture of 
longing and guilt; in spite of her continued love for her husband, she 
has been having an affair with a coworker for the past eight months, 
and she can't help thinking about him.  Her husband wakes up, comes 
into the room, and kisses her; and suddenly there's a knock at the 
door. It's her lover; and he and the husband combine to give her the 
sexual evening of her lifetime.  Even though I have told you perhaps 
too much of the plot, I think you'll enjoy the story.  I know I did, 
even though I guessed the ending about a quarter of the way into the 
story.

As an aside, I might note that I think this story achieves the 
egalitarian impact that the author of "Klanwoman" missed.  In this 
story the wife and husband are white and the lover black, but racial 
stereotypes play no role in the story.  They're all three good people 
trying to make one another happy.

This is one of those stories that I would really like to act out in 
real life - but which I really wouldn't want to act out in real life.  
That last sentence is as contradictory as I can make it, and it 
expresses my feelings exactly.  This is a really, really hot fantasy 
for me {"a fucking hot fantasy," if I may anticipate my Grammar Tip at 
the end of this issue of Celestial Reviews}; and if I were 100% certain 
I could act it out in real life without doing anybody any harm, I would 
go for it.  However, I know that's impossible - the actual activity 
would require fundamental changes in my relationship with my husband 
and would involve someone else in a possibly unfortunate way; and so I 
am simply grateful for this excellent fantasy.  I guess I don't know 
what I'm missing, but I do know and appreciate what I have.  And a 
story like this enables me to have a little bit of what I am missing.

This is already a good story, but the author prefaced his story with a 
request for feedback.  Here is what I think it needs to become a great 
story:  

(1) Get rid of the long paragraphs.  I myself often write excessively 
long paragraphs in my first drafts.  During the revision process I 
often break a single paragraph down into three or four separate 
paragraphs.  (For example, this list of four suggestions was originally 
a single paragraph.  By breaking it into several paragraphs, I have 
made it easier to digest and less intimidating to readers.)  Readers 
are simply not willing to read fifty paragraphs in a row that are each 
at least thirty lines long.  My suggested use of multiple paragraphs 
may make it necessary to use some additional strategy such as asterisks 
(****) or chapters to indicate a break between major ideas.

(2) Before posting the story, go through it one last time and look for 
grammar and punctuation errors.  This story contains numerous errors 
that are just plain unnecessary but still distracting.  It would be 
especially nice to make all the verb tenses logically consistent.  

(3) At places the author should consider going a little heavier on 
action and less on introspection.  The reformatting that I suggested in 
(1) will help solve this problem.  Long paragraphs are often perceived 
as more introspective and less action-oriented than short ones.

(4) Consider rearranging events to build anticipation or to keep the 
reader from guessing the ending.  I myself easily guessed the ending.  
The author followed a mostly chronological presentation of events.  
Maybe some other strategy using flashbacks would work better.

As I said, this is already a very good story.  In truth, I'm actually 
slightly *glad* that the author had some flaws in the story.  I had 
already compiled my Top 15 List for March before I read this story.  It 
was hard enough to get that list down to fifteen stories, and if I 
would have had to add this one, I would have had to bump another 
exceptionally good story from my list.

Ratings for "Sondra's Day"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Pat Considers" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com).  I'm not going to 
tell you much about this one, except to say that it's a good story.  
Pat, the elder of the lovely Allen sisters, has decided that she might 
like to have a baby; and she asks Our Anonymous Hero if he'd like to do 
the honors.

The author has spent considerable effort in past stories developing the 
characterization of these wholesome libertines, and it is interesting 
to see how he approaches this question.  I guess it would be 
appropriate to describe all three of the protagonists as wholesome, 
polyamorous people with social consciences.  They plan to continue 
their polyamory even after they procreate, and their social consciences 
make them aware that bringing a child into the world is not a frivolous 
activity.  Hence we have an unusual element of pensive seriousness 
introduced into this usually raucous series of stories.

I hope you will find it as interesting as I did to see how the author 
handles this element of seriousness.  Will the plot become deadly 
serious?  Will the Three Amigos continue to fuck their mutual brains 
out?  Will the burden of future fatherhood weaken our hero's erection?  
Read the story and find out.

Ratings for "Pat Considers"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Two Baby Sitters" by SexySailor (an261014@anon.penet.fi).

"Honey, do you remember Kristy?"

"I certainly do."

"Do you think she was cute."

"I certainly do."

"Did you ever have sex with her?"

"Certainly not."

"Did you ever want to have sex with her?"

"Certainly not."

"Why not?"

"Because you're all the woman I can handle."

"But what if I said it was all right or what if I died and you were 
alone and horny?"

"I still would leave her alone.  She was only fourteen or fifteen years 
old when she sat for us.  Guys who screw little girls get sent to jail.  
They wind up having their asses most unpleasantly attacked by big guys 
named Bubba. "  He paused and added, "And it's not good for the little 
girls either."

I paused.  "You mean you never even got a mild hard-on when you drove 
her home?"

"Nope.  We talked about sports and music mostly."

I paused again.  Too long this time.  My husband seized the initiative.

"You used to babysit, didn't you?"

"Yes."

"Did you ever try to seduce the father of the household?"

"Nope.  Just the mother."

"Really?"

"No.  Just kidding.  My friends and I used to talk about Mr. Robinson 
though.  We thought he was a stud even before we knew what a stud was."

"What would you have done if Mr. Robinson would have come on to you?"

"I'd have told my parents."  I paused.  "Nowadays, I'd tell my parents 
and they'd sue his ass off."

My husband laughed.  The initiative passed back to me.  "But wouldn't 
it be fun to slide that stiff cock of yours into a wet virgin cunt and 
to introduce an innocent, naive little girl to the depraved word of 
sexuality."

"Nope."

"Come on!  Think about it."  I paused gave him my best innocent school 
girl look.  I loosened my top, wrapped my arms around him, nuzzled my 
breasts up against his face, and seduced him with my innocent 
babysitter act.  He fucked my brains out right there on the living room 
carpet.

Afterwards, I said.  "So, what about it?  Wouldn't you at least like to 
fantasize about fucking Kristy?"

"I *do* fantasize about fucking Kristy.  That wasn't your question.  
Kristy is nearly 30 years old now and lives in a different state and 
only comes home twice a year and wears those incredibly tight-fitting 
clothes.  If it will make you any happier and if you'll give me just a 
few minutes, I'll fantasize about Kristy while we do what we just did 
again."

I interrupted.  "Goddam it!  I'm trying to write a review of a story 
about a middle aged man who gets a yearning for two cute little 
babysitters.  Would you or wouldn't you get at least a little bit hot 
fantasizing about fucking two hot, prepubescent virgins who were coming 
on to you?"

"Nope.  That would be too dangerous.  I think I'd just read the story 
instead."

That's my advice to you.  Leave the kids alone.  Read this story 
instead.

Before I finish, I have one thing to add.  If a man actually did all 
the wonderful things that the protagonist does to a pair of teenagers 
in contemporary America, it would be extremely likely that someone 
would find out.  The nice man would go to jail, without stopping to 
collect $200, even if the kids ended the session by saying, "Thanks for 
showing us such nice things, Jim. Don't worry; this is our little 
secret.  We wouldn't ever want you to get in trouble.  Thanks for being 
so nice to us."  He would go to jail even if he and the little girls 
thought this was "the best sex eduction ever."

Sorry about that; but that's the way the law is written.  Maybe my 
husband is actually smarter than he looks.

Ratings for "Two Baby Sitters"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

PLAGIARISM:   The expansion of another author's story in M.M. Twassel's 
"Rain" calls to mind another issue: plagiarism.  {Note that I am not 
saying that Twassel plagiarized.  That story simply called to mind the 
need to make these comments.} When I reviewed Mark Aster's "Rain," I 
also reviewed a story of the same title by Damya.  That author wrote to 
thank me for the review and pointed out that one time another author 
had essentially stolen one of her previous stories.  She had posted 
"Description of A Woman Masturbating" and a week or so ago somebody 
else posted under a different title exactly the same story with a few 
names changed.  I am refraining from giving the title of the second 
story, because I want to protect Damya's right to her original story 
and because I think maybe the second author's impropriety was 
accidental.

Here's what I think happened.  A reader probably found "Description of 
A Woman Masturbating" and said to himself, "Wouldn't it be neat if this 
story were written from X-Men character Jean Grey's point?  {I further 
suspect that this second author was an American teenager; but I know 
that's impossible, since none of them are allowed to read this 
newsgroup.}  This second author made his changes, saw that the revised 
story was good, and posted the story as his own.  What's the big deal?

The big deal is that Damya has a right to her story.  Strictly 
speaking, this second author has stolen the story and could be 
prosecuted for doing so.  However, in the murky, borderline subliminal 
world of a.s.s., I doubt that anybody ever sues anybody else.  In the 
unlikely event that the second author ever becomes a famous author or 
Speaker of the House, I suppose Damya may come forward to file suite.  
Likewise, if this second author turned the story in as an assignment to 
an unsuspecting English teacher as his own short story, the asshole's 
pecker will dwindle away to a mere three-incher and little children 
will make fun of his facial blemishes all his life.

What should the second author have done?  Is it ever OK to alter and 
post another person's story?  In the real world of publishing, a person 
wishing to use another author's story in this way would ask permission 
and probably share royalties with the original author.  On a.s.s. we 
usually don't have royalties.  In addition, it's not all that uncommon 
on a.s.s. for one author to build on the ideas of another.  I haven't 
checked with Damya, but I suspect she would be satisfied if the second 
author would have simply prefaced his story with a note like this:  
"This story is based on Damya's 'Description of A Woman Masturbating.' 
I have made a few changes to the original to make it fit the 
perspective of X-Men character Jean Grey.  I hope you like my 
adaptation as much as I enjoyed the original story."

We witnessed a similar phenomenon last year when an author named TEX 
modified "Raped Teen Burglar" by a different author.  TEX simply noted 
at the beginning of his story that the first half was taken verbatim 
from the other author and that he had "finished the obviously 
incomplete story."  The original author was probably upset, because TEX 
gave the distinct impression that the original story was trash; but at 
least TEX was aboveboard about what he was doing.  Readers could give 
proper attribution to the appropriate authors, and the result was a 
really good story.

In short, I think we should try to preserve the rights of the people 
who write the stories on a.s.s.  The authors don't make a cent for 
their work, and they give us considerable enjoyment.  The least we can 
do is give them credit where credit is due.  Whenever possible, we 
should retain the names of the original authors when we repost their 
stories.  And we should most definitely refrain from taking credit for 
what someone else has written.

GRAMMAR TIP OF THE WEEK:  A reader wrote to me this week and told me he 
was having trouble finding my reviews.  Hoping to exonerate me, I 
suppose, he concluded with, "Am I fucking stupid or what?"  As an 
English teacher, I am often amused by that statement, 

When I was a child, I searched in vain for this word and its relatives 
in my family's Webster's Collegiate Dictionary.  Times have changed; 
and now I find it in my Random House Unabridged Dictionary right there 
between fuckhead and fuckoff.  "Fucking," my dictionary tells me, is 
either an adjective or an adverb.  Its most immediate synonym is 
"damned"; however, a more socially acceptable synonym is "confounded."  
I suppose nuns and baptist preachers might prefer "very very."

So my correspondent probably meant, "Am I very very stupid, or is 
something else the problem?"  In that case, the answer would be no, 
it's more likely that his service is fucking bad.

However, it's also possible that he meant the F-word to be the gerund 
form of the verb that means "to copulate, especially with great vigor."  
If that were the case, I would have to assume that this sentence 
contains a grammatical error; but hey, this is alt.sex.stories.  
Specifically, this sentence might mean, "Am I inserting my penis 
incompetently, or is there some other problem."  If that were the 
intended meaning, I would feel compelled to point out that "bad" should 
become "badly"; and my answer would be that I would need to have more 
information on exactly what he was doing, when he was doing it, and why 
he thought ineffectual copulation would impair his ability to find my 
Reviews.

Finally, it is also possible that my correspondent meant, "Am I 
exchanging sexual favors with an unintelligent person, or what."  In 
that case, Stupid should be capitalized.  In addition, "what" should be 
changed to "whom," unless his partner's lack of vitality has actually 
led him to suspect that the target of his enfuckment is an inanimate 
object.  Again, I would not venture to answer that question without a 
more specific description of the object of his endearment and of his 
standards.

One further irony - in the original sentence, "stupid" is correct 
(rather than "stupidly") because "is" is a copulative verb.  Imagine 
that!  You can fucking look it up.

