Celestial Reviews 342 – October 17, 1999

Note: There has been a substantial increase in the number of stories posted to
personal web sites rather than to alt.sex.stories. What the authors usually do
is put the story on their own web site and then post a Spotlight announcement
on a.s.s.d.  I want it to be clear that I WILL NOT REVIEW THESE STORIES. 

My rationale is that bad things can happen to people's computers when they
connect to private web sites. Most obviously, the visitor's computer can
contract a virus. In addition, visitors are often subjected to undesired
advertisements and to subsequent spam.

I am aware that some of the authors who are doing this are reputable and that
their sites are safe. I do not mean to criticize these people, who possibly
believe that they are doing a public service by making their stories available
in a convenient place. However, some of the sites are unknown to me, and I
cannot put myself in the position of recommending that people go to these
sites. Nor am I willing to risk going to some of these unfamiliar sites myself.
The only sensible policy I can adopt is to avoid dealing with these stories at
all. We have a public forum at alt.sex.stories; let's continue to use it.

Occasionally I may review a story by mistake that is not posted on a.s.s.
However, my feeling is that although the newsgroup has problems of its own, it
is relatively safe to read stories that are posted on a.s.s. My advice is that
authors follow the practice of posting stories publicly to a.s.s.  If they want
to archive their stories at their private sites, that's also fine; but my
preference is to see them posted in the relatively public and safe environment
of a.s.s.

Second note: Little Johnny is standing on the platform at the railway station.
His mother thinks he's standing a bit too close to the edge; so she says,
"Johnny, get back away from the edge before a train comes by and sucks you
off." 

At this, Little Johnny smiles and replies, "C'mon train!" 

Third note: A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a
very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his
watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No", he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch, and I was just
testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about
it?"

"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.

"What's it telling you now?"

 "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties..."

The woman giggles and replies, "Well, then, it must be broken, because I am
wearing panties!"

The man exclaims, "Damn, thing must be an hour fast!" 

=====================
Celestial Reviews Index:
=====================

"Hot Coffee" by James Franklin (romance) 10, 9.5, 9.5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=532250017

"A Fair Cop" by jcx (police romance) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=529203450

"Desert" by Uther Pendragon (dating the way it 'spozed to be) 10, 10, 10

"Anniversary" by Generic Joe (romantic light bondage) 10, 9.5, 9.5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=535013954

"Laurie" by E.Z. Riter (romance) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=528711102

"Stranded Tina and Lisa" by Typoman (older man & younger girls)
9.5, 9, 9
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=535555718


=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================

"Infidelity" by Spiller (infidelity). Owl: 7, 1, 5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=512758782

=====================
Here are the Reviews:
=====================

"Hot Coffee" by James Franklin (jamesfrnkln@my-deja.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=532250017

The woman has a first date with a man she is to meet in a coffee shop in
London. It's the first date she has had in a month. They engage in small talk,
and somehow the topic of dreams comes up; and he asks her what she dreamed
about last night. This is a slightly awkward moment, because he had a dream and
she had one too, but hers was the best because it was about him fucking her.
That's a parody of a really old song. I thought I had better point that out to
you, since I can't hum it and I was having illusions that the allusion might
elude you.

Anyway, it turns out that he doesn't really mind her dream. In fact, he gives
her a really good foot rub, then kisses her, and then takes her into the
storeroom and has delightful sex with her.

The story is a little slow at the beginning. I think this is because the author
wants to avoid a slam-bam-thank-you-ma'am impact; but it speeds up nicely when
it gets to the slam-bam-thank-you-sir part.

Ratings for "Hot Coffee"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"A Fair Cop" by jcx (jcx@thePowerFactory.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=529203450

This story is somewhat confusing, but deliberately and delightfully so. That
is, the author plays with the reader's mind in a nice way.

Paolo is a French cop – un agent de police, I think. He wants to be a PJ – but
I'm pretty sure he hasn't got there yet. He'd also like to get into the pants
of the fair Christine - but I'm pretty sure he hasn't got there yet.

Anyway, Paolo has to pick up a flasher "in flagranto delicto." I'm pretty sure
that should be "flagrante delicto" – without "in". It's a Latin ablative
absolute, but I'm no longer absolutely sure about my Latin, although I used to
be up on my SPQRs.

The best phrase in the story is, "You could hang your coat up on her nipples."

Anyway, the hot part of the story is the tail within a tale told by the
flasher. It seems that the fair Christine has gone undercover in an interesting
manner in a public place; and when she asks the second narrator for a light, he
has difficulty even slipping his hand into a pocket that has suddenly become
very tight <wink>. If you use your imagination just a little, you'll discover
that that last sentence leaves very little to the imagination.

The flasher turns out to be Jean-Michel Tarbes, a dedicated and proficient
felon who has eluded the gendarmes for many years. But Christine has brought
him to his knees, and he's had his last fuck {with a woman, at least} for the
next 15 years or so.

This is a very creative story from a writer whose work I had not previously
read. I recommend it.

Ratings for "A Fair Cop"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Desert" by Uther Pendragon ().

The first thing you have to notice about the story is that the title is
"Desert," rather than "Dessert." A "desert" is an arid place, devoid of
vegetation. It could be a metaphor for a sexual relationship or for the
circumstances under which two people might have such a relationship. A
"dessert" is a final course to a meal that enables the diner to end up with a
pleasant taste in his/her mouth. This also could be a metaphor for a sexual
relationship or a description of a way two people might engage in a
relationship. I won't tell you whether the "desert" is literal or metaphorical
– just that it's not a "dessert." 

The way you can tell the difference between "desert" and "dessert" is that
there are two s's in "dessert," and you always want two helpings of dessert. On
the other hand, one "desert" is usually plenty.

The story tells about how Charlene and Dave did it for the first time and how
their relationship has grown, such as it is. They do most of the sexual things
right, and the narrator concludes that they deserve each other. It's up to the
reader to determine in what sense that last statement is true.

This story doesn't have the spontaneous warmth and passion that we have come to
expect from this author. But that's OK. Uther is just doing a poignant rather
than sexy story this time.

Ratings for "Desert"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Anniversary" by Generic Joe (GenericJoe@vnet.net).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=535013954

Sylvia and Ron have been fuckmates for a year. As an anniversary present,
Sylvia presents herself to Ron all bound up – as with chains and such, not with
constipation or anything remiss like that. She says he can do anything he wants
with her, and he does. What he does involves sucking and fucking and a spread
eagle position.

They have great fun, and Sylvia and Ron decide to cohabitate. Which is good, I
guess, because this is one step closer to marriage, at which time their
behavior will stop being sinful. But right now it's just good, clean fun.

This is a very familiar storyline, but the author presents it well.

Ratings for "Anniversary"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5

"Laurie" by E.Z. Riter (romance) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=528711102

The narrator is a middle-aged man who meets Laurie, a beautiful woman who used
to be a friend of his daughter, but whom he hasn't seen in a long time. When he
meets her, she has her daughter in toe – er, tow, I think – and reveals the
good/bad news that she has recently been divorced.

Jack tells Laurie that she has a nice-looking daughter and that she needs a
sugar daddy. He invites her over to see his etchings, and she tells him that
she wants to have a couple more children. They skip the etchings and work on
the children right away.

This is a nice, sexy romance. They even get married in the end.

Ratings for "Laurie"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Stranded Tina and Lisa" by Typoman (wrenchman@earthlink.net).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=535555718

Our narrator, Larry, is a friendly 40-year-old man who offers a ride to two
stranded, sexy, seductive sisters. One is 19 years old and the other is about
12. Since the girls are essentially homeless and without a friend in the world
(after living with an alcoholic mother, a father who used to boink the older
girl in friendly fashion, and an abusive boyfriend who had been lusting after
the younger girl), Larry takes them home to his house and befriends them. He
fucks the older girl with mutual joy and vigor. And since the younger girl
(nicknamed Munchkin) is so cute, cuddly, and precocious, he eventually gives
her a ride too.

Stories with unlikely premises often annoy me. However, this author concludes
with a disclaimer opposing "child abuse." The hottest movie in the country last
week was "Double Jeopardy," whose basic premise is even more absurd than most
kiddie-sex stories. So I took special pains to review this as a fantasy rather
than as support for seriously dysfunctional behavior. The questions I asked
myself were (1) did the author tell a story that was cohesive even if the
premise was extremely shaky (answer: yes), and (2) would I have enjoyed
participating in this behavior were it possible that the obvious undesirable
real-life consequences could be eliminated (answer: yes)?

Of course, in real life cute little seductresses who come on to middle-aged
philanthropists should receive counseling, and a guy who would fuck the kid
would be subject to arrest, no matter how friendly his intentions might be and
no matter how eagerly she asks for it. And 16-year-old girls who have sex with
their 9-year-old sisters in real life need help too. I think Ann Landers said
so once.

Since I have the floor, let me pass along some information that I received
recently from a psychologist who reads these Reviews. In a recent issue of the
Psychological Bulletinn an article that used a broad definition of sexual abuse
that included incidents ranging from witnessing indecent exposure to
experiencing repeated rape, reported that sexual abuse was not as harmful as
many people generally believe. The article also concluded that some victims,
typically adolescents who had sexual relations with adults, perceived the
experience as consensual; some even regarded it as positive. The publication of
the article led to considerable controversy about both the journal review
process and APA’s position regarding child sexual abuse.

Not surprisingly, some members of Congress denounced this research as unethical
and evil.

On the other hand, as my correspondent pointed out, other people will interpret
this research to support the notion that it's "not so bad to have sex with
minors." That's not quite what the article says. What the article really does
is present the good news that children who are molested are not necessarily
doomed to a life of dismal despair and to a sexually dysfunctional adulthood as
a result of these encounters, even though those encounters may be bad.

Taking the present story as an example, the APA (American Psychological
Association), would suggest that the overwhelming evidence is that people who
would engage in real life in the activities described in this story would be
likely to be seriously hurt by the experience. However, IF the situation would
be as benevolent as the author describes it, that injury could be minimal or
even non-existent. 

But keep in mind that people who engage in sexual behaviors out of selfishness
or stupidity often rationalize by making the situation appear to themselves and
their victims to be a lot more benevolent than it really is. This is why the
APA takes such a strong stand against such activities in real life, why there
are severe criminal penalties for engaging in that kind of behavior, and why I
personally advocate the arrest of people who would use the Internet to entice
children into such activities. Indeed, I recommend that they receive severe
punishment in penile institutions.

In spite of the above caveat, this was a very good story. And it reminds me of
a story I heard recently:

With graduation, the couple would each be returning to their own hometowns; and
while they were crushed together in a passionate embrace, he decided to tell
her he had made up his mind to dump her since they lived thousands of miles
apart. 

"Honey," he said, "I want you to know that I think you're a wonderful person,
but as far as I'm concerned, our relationship can go no further."

"Why, what do you mean?" she asked. "I thought you were serious!" 

"Well, to be honest," he went on, "you're more like a sister to me." 

"My God!" she murmured. "What a home life you must have!" 

Ratings for "Stranded Tina and Lisa"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================

"Infidelity" by Spiller (xxspillerxx@my-deja.com). Guest review by  Watchful
Owl.
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=512758782

One word comes to mind when reading this story: quick. This story doesn't waste
any time on such paltry things as plot or the names of the characters. Instead,
it immediately tells us how turned on the husband is by the wife's cheating,
and they have wild passionate sex.

The formatting in the version that I got was abominable, but I won't hold that
against it. Besides that, there were only a few technical flaws in the story.
Unfortunately (or maybe it's just me being anal today), the story itself pretty
much sucked. If "Infidelity" was a sex act, it would be in the back of the high
school lineman's car. The guy's not so attractive (although not necessarily
extremely ugly) and it would last about four seconds.

Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot and character): 1
Watchful Owl (appeal to reviewer): 5
<end>
