Celestial Reviews 197 - July 9, 1997

Note: A man and his wife have been stranded on a deserted island 
for many years.  One day a new man washes up on shore.  The new 
guy and the wife are very attracted to each other right away, but 
realize certain protocols must be observed.  The husband, however, 
is very glad to see the second man there.

"Now we will be able to have three people doing 8 hour shifts in 
the watchtower, rather than two people doing 12 hour shifts".  The 
second man is only too happy to help and in fact volunteers to do 
the first shift.

He climbs up the tower and is standing watch.  Soon the husband 
and wife start placing stones in a circle to make a fire to cook 
supper.  The second man yells down, "Hey, no fucking".  They yell 
back, "We're not fucking".

A few minutes later they start to put driftwood into the stone 
circle.  Again the second man yells down, "Hey, no fucking".  
Again they yell back, "We're not fucking".

Later they are putting palm leaves on the roof of their shack to 
patch leaks. Once again the second man yells down, "Hey, I said no 
fucking".  They yell back, "We're not fucking!!"

Finally the shift is over so the second man climbs down from the 
tower and the husband starts to climb up.

He's not even halfway up before the wife and second man are 
screwing each other's brains out.  The husband looks out from the 
tower and says, "Son-of-a-bitch!  From up here it DOES look like 
they're fucking!"

Second note: Taria and ButtBytr have been jousting poetically.  
Well, poetry is not the real word for it - it's more like greeting 
card verse, except they use expressions that are unfamiliar to Mr. 
and Mrs. Hallmark.  The basic gist is that Taria voiced a 
versified suggestion that if ButtBytr thinks it's so much fun to 
fuck a lady's ass, then maybe he should be willing to be on the 
receiving end of something like a red hot poker or a nice big 
dildo.  I'm not going to expand my operations to include "poetry" 
reviews, because I'd have to write the review in rhyming couplets 
or iambic pentameter, and I can't do that as quickly as these two.  
Taria has expanded the art form of her broadsides to include 
limericks, haikus, and even rap poetry; but it looks like she is 
losing interest in the battle, which ButtBytr seems to want to 
personalize more than she does. I thought I should at least call 
this escapade to your attention.

If you want actual poetry, an author named Jackie (who also wrote 
"Rock Concert Coupling," which is reviewed below) has recently 
posted several pretty good poems.  What distinguishes her poetry 
from the versification described in the preceding paragraph (which 
is fun in its own right) is that Jackie actually tries to use 
metaphors and interesting word combinations as well as rhymes in 
order to convey images and emotions. Some of her poems are "Biking 
to New Highs," " Jamaican Ginger," and "A Dark Corner Table."  She 
may not be Robert Frost, but she leaves John Milton in the dust.

Third Note: Q: What is the definition of wicker box? 
      A: It's what Elmer Fudd wants to do to Madonna. 

Fourth Note: In CR 193 I repeated the story about a man who was 
walking down the street with his wife when they saw their neighbor 
(a very genial Jamaican bloke) riding by on his bike. Suddenly the 
bike flipped and their poor neighbor found himself spread eagled 
on the pavement.

The wife immediately said: "That black bloke's bike's back break 
block broke."

I was amazed that British people can actually SAY things like that 
and speculated about the problems that would have ensued had the 
Jamaican bloke been a bleached blond.  A correspondent called to 
my attention that this sentence contains an error.  Can you find 
it?  The answer is that "break" should be "brake."  The reason I 
didn't find it was because I never got that far in the sentence!

Fifth note: A problem with virtual communities is that real events 
happen to the real people who comprise these communities, and it's 
often difficult to know how to handle those events.  For example, 
I know of people who write these stories who have had serious 
illnesses and other tragedies in their lives.  I don't feel 
inclined to share this information publicly, because that's not 
the purpose of this newsgroup.  On the other hand, most of us are 
ordinary people - pretty decent ordinary people - who would like 
to know when important things happen to other members of this 
group.

Last week I had already written the review of Shelby Bush's 
"Brisco County," when I received a note from him asking me to pull 
the review because his wife had died and he was not going to post 
the story.  I removed the review but have reinserted it today, 
because Shelby wrote and told me to go ahead.  I suppose maybe he 
just didn't want a bouquet of flowers at the funeral with a note 
that said, "From the gang at a.s.s." For further details you 
should check the prologue to "Brisco County."  Besides bringing 
joy to our lives with his own stories, Shelby has served as a 
mentor or conduit for several other authors whose excellent 
stories probably would not have appeared here without his prodding 
and assistance.  Our thoughts and prayers should be with him at a 
time like this.

Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my 
reviews for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.

- Celeste

      "Heart" by Brother Cadfael (passion) 10, 10, 10
      "Without Looking" by L.D. Vixen (exhibitionist quickie)
            10, 10, 10
      "T'ANG JUNZI" by John Dark (oriental sex) 10, 10, 10
      "Wives Prefer It Black" by J. Greenwald (black stud story) 
            7, 6, 5
      "My Professor" by VirginLady (sex for grades) 10, 10, 10
      "Black Sandwich" by J. Greenwald (black stud story) 8, 7, 6
      "Helping the Homeless" by J. Greenwald (black stud story)
            8, 5, 5
      "The Outdoor Concert" by Unknown Author (nearly public 
            sex) 9, 10, 10
      "Double the Pleasure" by Unknown Author (threesome) 
            9, 9, 9
      "Miss Please and Miss Thankyou" by Anonymous (initiation
            orgy) 9, 9, 9
      "Brisco County: Brass Balls" by Shelby Bush (TV parody) 
            10, 10, 10

Guest Reviews:

      "The Book" by Slowhand Luke (teasing & romance) 
            7, 10, 10
      "Private Room" by SpiraL (romantic sex) 5, 7, 7
      "Babysitter Tales: Karen" by Daddy-O (foursome) 6, 7, 7

Reposted Reviews (because the stories have recently been 
reposted):

    * "Rock Concert Coupling" by Jackie (outdoor orgy) 9, 10, 10
    * "Tom's Birthday Surprise" by Tom (orgy) 9, 10, 10
    * "Thanksgiving" by Tom (holiday orgy) 10, 10, 10
    * "A Matter Of Curiosity" by James Charles Lynn (threesome) 
            10, 9, 10

"Heart" by Brother Cadfael (Brother_Cadfael@Earthcorp.com).  This 
is a very short piece that can best be described as a prose poem 
in which the male narrator describes in vivid detail to the woman 
he loves what he would like to do to her.  It's very hot, 
pleasant, nice stuff.

Ratings for "Heart"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Without Looking" by L.D. Vixen (Kristen's Archive).  For reasons 
that will become obvious, this extremely short story was posted 
under the heading "Ooops!" The narrator is standing at the pay 
phone,  waiting for Rick to arrive to pick her up. It's fun to  be 
picked up on the corner: she likes to pretend he is a stranger. He 
arrives suddenly from behind and takes her fast and hard, while 
his fingers tease her nipples and his tongue plunders her ear.  
Can you believe it?  They fuck right there in the phone booth!  
Ooops!  Guess what!

Ratings "Without Looking"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"T'ANG JUNZI" by John Dark (john_dark@anon.nymserver.com). This 
was a later arrival for the Second Third Annual Celestial Short 
Story Contest.  It wouldn't have won first prize, but it IS a very 
nice little story.  Pear Blossom is a virgin in the household of 
the inscrutable and despotic Wang.  She is shy and demure, and he 
likes her and asks her to visit him later.  It's a little more 
complex than that, but you'll have to read the story for the 
details.

Ratings for "T'ANG JUNZI"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Wives Prefer It Black" by J. Greenwald 
(j_greenwald@nevermind.com).  Stories labeled "interracial" often 
bewilder me.  In CR 194 I reviewed "Between the Races" by 
Radioman.  In that story Jerry obviously got off on the notion 
that the lady he was making love to was black, but it was not as 
if blackness was an oddity of some sort.  Likewise, Maleeka was 
obviously aware that Jerry was white, but it was not as if she was 
merging with the master race by being allowed to have sex with 
him. "Between the Races" was a really nice, intelligent story.

This story is quite different.  The author is interested in 
demonstrating the generalization that white women like to make 
love to black men, who call the women "'hoes" and treat them with 
contempt but fuck them wonderfully with their monster 10-inch 
cocks.  In this story the woman sees a well-hung black man in a 
porn theater, sits down next to him, grabs his 10-incher, and 
invites him to their van with her husband and herself.  In the van 
on the way to his apartment she discovers that "black cock cream 
tastes real good."  She calls him "Master" while she licks "every 
reminent of cum off of his cock."  The first black guy has two 
black friends who also have monster cocks and buckets of cum.  Of 
course, all of this excites the limp-dicked white husband 
tremendously.  There's another subplot, but I think I've told you 
enough about this story.

Another interesting facet of this story is its abundant use of 
apostrophes with possessive pronouns (our's, her's, etc.) - there 
ain't no such thing.

Ratings for "Wives Prefer It Black"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5

"Black Sandwich" by J. Greenwald (j_greenwald@nevermind.com).  
This is another story in this author's interracial series.  This 
time the white man and his girlfriend get the black stud by 
advertising in a swingers' magazine.  Frank has the traditional 
black monster cock, but he has the unusual habit of referring to 
the white woman as "whore" instead of "'ho" while reaming out her 
pussy, ass, or mouth.  Like most white husbands and boyfriends, 
the narrator enjoys this action immensely and cums in buckets.  A 
good time is had by all.

Ratings for "Black Sandwich"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6

"Helping the Homeless" by J. Greenwald 
(j_greenwald@nevermind.com).  What's a crusade for racial justice 
without tackling the issue of homelessness? In this episode of the 
author's epic interracial series the narrator and his 38D-25-36, 
twenty-one-year-old wife happen to be copulating in an alley when 
they realize that they are being observed by a black derelict who 
has passed out from drinking cheap wine.  {The white folks are 
from Down South.  We know this because they say "inside of" and 
"beside of."  Dialect often plays an important role in these 
stories.} The wife decides she wants to hire a wino to decorate 
their home.  No, they don't give the poor drunk a job or even 
invite him to live with them, but they do make him a regular sex 
partner for the wife.

Now here's the part I don't understand.  The wino, being black, 
has a monster cock - "at least twelve inches long and about twice 
the thickness of an average cock."  That part I do understand.  
But because of the immensity of the black gentleman's tool, they 
have to use not one but TWO condoms to cover the entire thing.  
Now I ask you - how does that work?  As I understand it, the man 
and woman roll the guy onto his back and ease a condom down onto 
his cock, but because it's twice the size of the anemic white 
guy's cock, the condom covers only half of it.  Therefore, they 
get out another condom and use that one to cover the other half of 
the cock!  What am I missing here?  Unless they hacked off the 
guy's joystick and started from the other end, wouldn't we just 
have one condom exactly on top of the other?

The woman gets pregnant by the black derelict.  They don't do 
anything silly like help him get into rehab or let him move into 
their house.  She just trots off to the alley to fuck with the guy 
and leaves him money to buy slightly more expensive wine, I 
suppose.  The husband doesn't mind, because the monster cock warms 
up his wife's gash for him every night.

As I have mentioned before, interracial sex is a sensitive subject 
to me, because my sister is married to a black man.  My brother-
in-law's cock is about the same size as my husband's.  I know this 
by indirect comparison - I got my sister drunk and we talked about 
sex and the subject just came up - er, the TOPIC was discussed.  
My brother-in-law is a very straight person and would hate this 
story, but he'd hate any pornography, because he has religious 
objections to it.  I think he would be offended by the notion that 
black men are presented as some sort of animal in these stories; 
but he might be missing the point.  These stories are really a 
subset of the wife-slut genre.  The guys who fuck the sluts are 
really heroes, and black men should feel honored that their 
brethren (usually referred to as bros) are cast in this role.  Or 
so I'm told.

Ratings for "Helping the Homeless"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5

"My Professor" by VirginLady (VirginLady@cbn.net.id). This is a 
well written story.  It even uses the word "sycophant" correctly.  
That word has never been used in any of the other stories I have 
read - perhaps because most of the ass-kissing in these stories is 
more literal than metaphorical.  Imagine that. 

Anyway, the narrator is a bright young college student whose 
English teacher is a prick who won't give her the A that she 
deserves; so she goes to his house to discuss the matter with him.  
So - is she going to fuck his brains out to get her grade?  Or is 
there another possibility.  Take a look at the story yourself.  I 
have grave doubts that this plan would really work.  In real life 
this sort of thing happens about as often as a student says, "Sir, 
are there any more poems by John Milton that I can read in my free 
time?" But it's still a very good story.

Ratings for "My Professor"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"The Outdoor Concert" by Unknown Author (THC Archive).  It's 
probably not a really awful idea for a woman to let her husband 
fondle her and practically bring her to orgasm in a really crowded 
bus, especially if nobody else can see what's happening; but if a 
woman does this, she should at least be aware that a forward 
thrust from her husband in front my cause her buttocks to move 
away and into a cock behind her and that this buttockal movement 
might be considered an invitation by the recipient of the 
embuttment, who quite likely would return force with force.  In 
such a case the woman would be in the uncomfortable position of 
having dry intercourse with someone she has never even seen.   In 
addition, once the bus arrives at the concert, if a woman decides 
to give a hand job to the person standing behind her in the crowd, 
she should probably verify that this person is actually her 
husband, at least if that's who she thinks it is.  Finally, in the 
car on the way home while she is seated in the front seat with a 
good friend while the husband is snoozing in the back seat, the 
woman should at least corroborate that her husband is really 
asleep before she gives the driver a blowjob or be willing to 
accept her husband's approach from behind while she fulfills her 
oral responsibilities to the driver.

This story has some flaws.  For example, if I were writing the 
story, I would leave out some of the hints that it might not be 
her husband whom she is finger fucking at the concert; I'd let her 
(and the reader) assume without obvious hints that it's her 
husband and then be surprised later.  In addition, the grammar 
limped a little.  However, this was still a very hot story.  For a 
story with a similar theme, see "Rock Concert Coupling," the 
review of which I'll post later in this issue.

Ratings for "The Outdoor Concert"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Double the Pleasure" by Unknown Author (Bolebec Repost).  When 
Karen comes home, she finds Erin with her tongue licking the final 
drops of cum off Blaine's cock.  Erin thinks all hell is going to 
break lose, but Blaine pacifies everyone by suggesting that all 
three simply get naked together.  A good time is had by all.  Not 
exactly an original plot, but still pretty hot!

Ratings for "Double the Pleasure"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Miss Please and Miss Thankyou" by Anonymous (THC Archives).  The 
author could probably get in trouble for telling this story: I 
think this kind of stuff is supposed to be secret, like the 
Knights of Columbus handshake.  What this story does is disclose 
what goes on at those secret fraternity initiations!  Imagine 
that.

It's really quite simple.  There are three people. Pledge Hardon 
is required to please Miss Please - repeatedly. Miss Thankyou will 
thank Pledge Hardon each time he pleases Miss Please.  It may be 
redundant to say this, but Pledge Hardon pleases Miss Please by 
making her cum, and Miss Thankyou thanks him by making him cum.  
That's not hard, is it?

Of course, the loophole is that since all three are apparently 
being initiated they could simply conspire to lie about who's 
pleasing and thanking whom.  But they don't think of that, and 
they fuck their mutual brains out all night long.  Suckers!

Ratings for "Miss Please and Miss Thankyou"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Brisco County: Brass Balls" by Shelby Bush (stbush@iglou.com).  
Brisco County is not a place; it's the name of a main character in 
a weekly television show that ran in America a few years ago.  It 
was a pretty good show that didn't catch on, and it died after 
just one season.  As he does with his other Porno TV stories, the 
author supplies further details about the show during a 
"commercial break."  This story overlaps slightly with the 
author's recent "Maverick" and "Have Gun, Will Travel" stories.  
Finally, the story includes a science fiction element (the orb) 
from the "Brisco County" series.  Although I was not familiar with 
this concept myself, it made perfect sense to me, and I thought 
the author used the orb very creatively in this story.  Although 
this story appears to remain faithful to the original series, I 
think even people who have never seen that show can enjoy this 
one.

Brisco and Bowler are bounty hunters, experiencing adventures 
while they try to get their man in the western U.S. in the 1890's.  
This story follows the series pattern: a main storyline with 
numerous subplots.  It diverges from the TV series in that some of 
the subplots include explicit sex. In addition, this story 
contains one sentence that must have been spoken many a time in 
the Wild West but has never appeared in any TV western:  "I need 
to take a whiz."

I am not going to try to summarize the story any further here.  
I'll just point out that if you call this a sex story, the 
emphasis should be more on story than on sex.  The sex, when it 
occurs, is very good, and it fits in nicely with the plot.

Ratings for "Brisco County"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

The following Guest Review was written by Fiddler, who has written 
several stories for this newsgroup.

"The Book" by Slowhand Luke (slowhand@dial.pipex.com). This is a 
new story rather than one of the several other stories with the 
same name.  In this one, the hero is startled to find an erotic 
book on his girlfriend's shelves.  Rejecting his suggestion that 
she hide that sort of book, she suggests that he read it to her.

He does, with predictable consequences.  There are no surprises in 
this story, just hot teasing leading to hot gratification.  A fine 
time is had by all, including the reader.  The sex in this story 
is as explicit as any in the "mindless fuck" stories, but you end 
up liking and respecting the couple.  

The single problem is that the writing is marred by bloopers.  
"Hef" for her and "unerneath" are not errors of spelling so much 
as typing.  This sentence -- and not only its spelling -- would 
have been caught by a proofreader:  "Returning from the kitchen, 
Katie passed me a glass of wine then passed up the opportunity to 
sit next to me as I had hoped, electing to arrange herself 
prettily in the armchair opposite instread, with her legs tucked 
up underneath her."  

Slowhand is too good a writer to allow this sort of error to mar 
his works.  I suggest that he ask Celeste to connect him to a 
proofreader.  I asked, and it helped marvelously.

The sentence is not typical of his writing, and the pleasure of 
the story comes through despite it.

(Personal note:  Piper has caught a lot of flack for the review 
*I* wrote of Taria's "Through the Looking-Glass."  Say what you 
want about my reviews, but spell my name correctly.  --  Fiddler)

Ratings for "The Book"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 10
Fiddler (appeal to this reviewer): 10

The following is a BluePencil Guest Review: 

"Private Room" by SpiraL (spiral@spiralzone.com). SpiraL has 
reposted a number of stories to alt.sex.stories recently. Many, 
including this one, are lightly adapted cybersex sessions.

The basic storyline is, for a.s.s, quite tame: a lovemaking 
session between two consenting adults in the privacy of their 
home.  The sex is warm, friendly, and unhurried; the story - 
vignette rather - just a frame to contain it.

Though the second-person narrative form probably works well for 
private cybersex sessions, it is rather distracting in a story.  
It may be a personal quirk, but I find it jarring enough to 
prevent me from fully entering the story.  Most sentences start 
with either "I" or "You"; in a conversation this may be a 
necessity, but in a story they are an unnecessary handicap that 
works against the storyteller's rule-of-thumb "Show, don't tell."

Though the grammar and spelling are both reasonably good, the 
story is rife with formatting errors, enough that I suspect that 
many of the grammatical flaws that I found were caused by poor 
formatting rather than the author's intent.  Despite the revision 
history and the label "complete" she gave it, the story still 
feels rough and unfinished.

I didn't expect the review to sound this negative.  Despite the 
flaws, I found myself enjoying the story.  However, if she had 
recast it into either first-person or third-person form and worked 
on her formatting, I would have enjoyed it much more.  SpiraL has 
demonstrated in some of her other stories that she can handle a 
credible first-person narrative, and has all the other skills 
needed to be an excellent writer.  I'd be very interested in 
seeing a revised version of "Private Room"

Athena (technical quality):      5
Venus (plot and character):      7
BluePencil (appeal to reviewer): 7

The following Guest Review was written by MsV, who has posted 
several stories under a different name with this newsgroup.

"Babysitter Tales : Karen" by Daddy-O (cjburke@servtech.com). I 
usually enjoy any kind of fantasy (or reality) that involves more 
than two people.  So, when the couple head out for the night, the 
references to a possible threesome caught my interest.  
Unfortunately there was a major distraction right from the start.  
Typos!  I had to finally drop it into my word processor and spell 
check it before I felt I could read it properly.  Well over 2 
dozen typos later I felt I could have another shot at it.  There 
were still a few errors that could have been caught perhaps by a 
second read through of the story (pooped/popped comes to mind). 
Some of the descriptions struck me as odd - breasts like navel 
oranges, and I've always had a thing about talking about cocks in 
inches, but there were some very good descriptive phrases too.

The story is about a couple, who while out for the evening, 
discuss the possibility of a initiating a threesome with the 16 
year old babysitter.  When they return home they catch her in a 
compromising position with her boyfriend.  Mock anger on the part 
of the couple quickly turns into a foursome.  Once the action 
starts, it's fairly hot.  I do sometimes lose track of who is who, 
but that is often a problem of group stories.  Let's face it, a 
tumble of bodies is one of the appealing things about group sex 
stories.  What I really want to know is why I never had so much 
fun getting caught with someone while babysitting?

(I'm not sure if you are going to rank them, or if I'm supposed to 
- this is the part I had the most trouble with.  I don't want to 
completely slam it, I've seen worse.)

Ratings for "Babysitter Tales : Karen"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 7
Smith (appeal to reviewer): 7

* "Rock Concert Coupling" by Jackie (an338903@cris.com).  This 
story is written from the perspective of a horny 14-year-old girl.  
She and her boyfriend meet in the midst of a crowd at a rock 
concert; and parental fears about the orgies that occur at rock 
concerts are fulfilled.  The sex is hot.  In fact, the sexual 
enthusiasm spreads like a fever to the other members of the 
surrounding crowd, and soon we have a small orgy on our hands.  I 
don't for a moment believe that any responsible young people 
actually carry on like this.  After all, I was present at 
Woodstock along with 4 million other sex-crazed kids, and nothing 
happened.  We just held hands and sang along with the guy playing 
the accordion.  All kidding aside (sorta), even if we agree that 
it would be a really bad idea to fuck in a public place like this, 
I think we can also admit that this is a really good depiction of 
the fantasies of a young adolescent girl.  I know I have had 
almost this same adolescent fantasy, but I was 37 at the time

One of the few flaws in this story occurred in the first 
paragraph, where the narrator referred to her "unrelentless" 
craving for her boyfriend.  There's no such word.  It's either 
"unrelenting" or "relentless."  I also question the use of the 
phrase "unable to contain my pent-up lust any longer" after the 
girl has already had at least one resounding orgasm and started to 
give the guy head in the middle of the crowd.  I think we're 
already beyond pent-up.

The author concludes by asking if readers would like to see this 
story continue.  It may surprise you to know that my answer is NO.  
I would prefer that the author hack off the last paragraph, 
replace it with a different line or two to end the story, and then 
write a second story.  Authors should resist the urge to ruin a 
good thing by prolonging it too long.  I want more, but not 
necessarily a continuation of this same story.  

The moral of this story, of course, is always carry some tissue 
paper in your purse in case the guy doesn't like the taste of his 
own cum and you want to French kiss him after having oral sex in 
public.  I think the author got this suggestion from either Miss 
Manners or that advice column in Seventeen Magazine.

Ratings for "Rock Concert Coupling"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Tom's Birthday Surprise" by Tom (laddie@anon.nymserver.com).  
This author used to be Tom in Sacramento.  Now he's just Tom.  
It's good to see him resurface at his new address.  I hope he 
plans to write some new stories soon. Unless I'm mistaken, this 
story was originally entitled "Tom's Birthday Surprise."

This is a really hot story about a man whose wife gives him a 
birthday present consisting of an orgy with herself and two women 
that she knows he really likes.  I'm not going to tell you the 
details - you can read them for yourself.  Although this story has 
minor flaws, it is almost non-stop hot sex.  However, since I know 
that many people read these reviews to improve their own writing, 
let me take two paragraphs to point out how this story could be 
improved.

There are two problems with this story.  First, the tenses are 
messed up.  The author obviously intended to write in the present 
tense, but he frequently switches back and forth between the 
present and the past.  (Note that I also have changed tenses in 
this very paragraph, but I have done so correctly.)  This 
inappropriate switching of tenses is an annoyance to the reader.  
Even more importantly, it throws away verb tense as a useful tool 
in the story.  Because of the author's carelessness, the reader is 
forced to assume that all tenses are really the same. Therefore, 
if the author really does want to convey the notion that one 
action came before another, he has no easy way to do this.

The second problem arises from the discussion of emotions and 
motivations during the story.  In the middle of really hot sexual 
activity - I think two of the female protagonists had already had 
two orgasms apiece and the man was building to a earth-shattering 
climax of his own {Ooops! Maybe that was me!} - they all pause and 
discuss how good it felt and wonder whether it would be OK for Tom 
to stick his cock up Barbara's ass.  Everyone agrees that this 
would be emotionally fulfilling and wonderful, and the action 
resumes.  I understand the author's motivation - he was trying to 
show us that these are four sensitive people having non-
destructive group sex; but the pause in the action didn't quite 
ring true.  At a time like this it would have been better to focus 
more on action and less on words - as the song says: "A little 
less talk and a lot more action."

Both of these problems could be overcome by better proofreading.  
The author was simply too close to the story to see what was 
wrong.  Recently, I posted my own story ("Virtuous Reality"). I 
think mine was a good story; and I am certain that it was a much 
better story after I received and reacted to feedback from two 
skilled readers.  I have no way to enforce such suggestions, but I 
would like to urge this writer (as well as the writers of many 
other stories) to incorporate improvements into their texts when 
they repost these stories.  

Ratings for "Birthday Massage"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* Thanksgiving" by Tom (laddie@anon.nymserver.com).  Ann is a mild 
mannered former toxicologist who is now a dance therapist and 
active member of the local PTA.  She has a great ass and a pussy 
whose fragrance automatically generates erotic thoughts, even when 
one's face is not nicely nuzzled where it fits best.  She is 
married to Tom, the narrator of the story, a handsome chap who is 
a journalist.  Jerry, a brilliant scholar and sexy lawyer, was the 
narrator's closest friend in college and has become like a 
brother-in-law to Ann.  The kids have gone away for Thanksgiving, 
and Jerry is visiting the couple for Thanksgiving and has brought 
with him Sue, a professional masseuse who is at least as 
attractive as Ann.  I can identify with these people.  

The story opens with Ann and Sue walking ahead of the guys on the 
beach, gently swaying their cute little asses.  (I hope that 
misplaced modifier aroused you as much as it did me.)  From this 
point you can probably guess at least the general outline of the 
rest of the story; but the tale is delightfully told, and the fact 
that you can guess what's going to happen will not diminish your 
enjoyment of this story.  And besides, there are some surprises.

Now I have a confession to make - two confessions actually.  
Although I write these reviews and have become a bit of an expert 
or at least a connoisseur of sexual acrobatics, I have never 
engaged in an orgy and probably never will.  My husband and I both 
understand the intense stimulation and sense of freedom that would 
be present if we did it with another couple, but we also see the 
value of the one-to-one intimacy that we share and don't want to 
do anything to risk losing this.  Nevertheless, I really enjoy 
picturing in my mind stories like this - even while I am making 
love to my husband

Which brings me to my second confession.  Between the first and 
second paragraphs of this review, I field tested this story.  I 
can now verify (1) that it is possible to come to mutual orgasm 
with a spouse by relating the basic events of this story by the 
fireplace - although it may be necessary to alter the plot to 
include a bank teller; and (2) that a focus on one part of this 
story seems to greatly increase the probability that the male 
partner will have a roaring second orgasm.  Go figure!  

As I was reading this story, I couldn't help thinking that it 
reminded me of several of the stories written by SueNH.  This is 
ironic; but you'll have to read the whole story and be at least 
remotely familiar with the writings of Sue to see the reason for 
this irony.  I really enjoyed this story - and so did my husband, 
even though he hasn't had time to read it yet.

Ratings for "Thanksgiving"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "A Matter Of Curiosity" by James Charles Lynn (Ole Joe Repost).  
Debi has been contemplating having sex with another woman, but she 
wants John to come along as a sort of security blanket.  All goes 
well, but then Amy (the other woman) realizes that John may be 
feeling lonely; and so she finds a way to rectify that situation.  
They eventually become happy hedonists, much like the people in 
"The Trinity Trilogy" series.

While recognizing the rough spots that are likely to occur in such 
a threesome, this story still manages to present some really hot 
sex in a plausible context.  As I have said in the past, I can 
think of lots of reasons for not doing things like this, but the 
notion that it doesn't sound like fun is not one of my reasons.

Ratings for "A Matter Of Curiosity"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8


