Celestial Reviews 145 - Dec 21, 1996 (Corrected)

(The only "corrections" are the replacement of smart single quotes with 
ordinary single quotes and apostrophes, plus the correction of the title 
of Pendragon's "For Now."  It is my belief that this solves the problems 
in formatting that were caused by my shift to AOL 3.0.  Please let me 
know whether this is true.)

Note:  A reader has requested that I repost my review of “Martine and 
Chris” by Clint Quinn.  Before I do this, I need some assurance that it 
will be reposted.  Is anyone willing to repost this story?

Second note: Family activities make it necessary for me to take a break.  
This will be the last issue of Celestial Reviews until January 4.  Don't 
panic!  I'll be back.

This issue includes several Christmas and near-Christmas stories.  I hope 
they give you ideas that help make your holidays more enjoyable.

Third Note: This is my Christmas issue.  In this and the previous issue I 
have reviewed every story that I could find with a Christmas theme.  (In 
addition, the first seven reviews are of non-Christmas stories.)  If 
anyone posts another Christmas story, It will have to wait till next year 
- literally.  Uther Pendragon notified me that he plans to post another 
Christmas story, but I assume that by now you all have sense enough to 
download his stories without me advising you to do so.  In addition, I 
just reposted an immoral parody of the immortal poem “The Night Before 
Christmas,” which I think you will enjoy.

Happy Holidays!

- Celeste

      “'C' Is for Control” by Dulcinea (consensual control) 10, 10, 10
      “Improvisation” by Carrie (exhibitionism and orgy) 9, 7, 7
      “Getting Some” by Miss Lucy (rape & bestiality & stuff)
            9, 7, 5
      “First Black Girl” by Unknown Author (business trip 
            romance) 9, 8, 8
      “Eighteen Fantasy” by Unknown Author (yawn) 6, 3, 3
      “My Ultimate Fantasy” by KP (adolescent fantasy) 8, 9, 9
      “Faerie Tale I” by Unknown Author (outdoor sex) 10, 10, 10
      “A Charlie Brown Christmas” by Unknown Author (Christmas
            orgy) 10, 9, 9
      “Santa's Cumming” by Kansica (orgy with Santa) 9, 10, 10
      “Oh, Christmas Tree” by Dulcinea (sex under the Christmas 
            tree) 10, 9, 10
      “Candy Cane” by Dulcinea (oral sex with Santa) 10, 9, 9
      “For Now” by Uther Pendragon (adolescence & romance)
            10, 10, 10
    * "Here Cums Santa" by Sue (real celebrity sex!) 10, 10, 10
    * "Sue Saves Christmas " Paul LeComte (holiday orgy) 
            10, 10, 10
    * "Christmas Presents" by Ruth White (transgender) 
            8, 10, 10

*  Repost of a previous story (because the story itself has
      recently been reposted).

“'C' Is for Control” by Dulcinea (Dulcinea97@aol.com).  Dulcinea almost 
invariably labels her stories as “romantic,” but she omitted the “rom” 
from the alphabet soup in the title line of this story.  She should have 
left it in.

Briefly, the man comes home from a hard day of frustration.  His wife 
recognizes this; and instead of pampering him, she makes him indulge her 
by becoming her sex slave for the evening.  A good time is had by all.

This is my kind of bdsm.  To be honest, I have never done it the way the 
couple do it in this story - I honestly find the spanking to be a bit of 
a turn-off.  You can call it a hang-up, but  I just don't like hitting or 
being hit.  {Some people don't like anal sex; I do.  Some people do like 
spanking; I don't.  It's no big thing.  It's simple preference, probably 
based on something in our backgrounds.}  What Dulcinea does well is 
present mild bdsm in a context that makes the story appear sexy both to 
people who are already bdsm hobbyists and to those who have reservations.

The preceding paragraph may have been needlessly preachy.  This is a very 
good story!

Ratings for “'C' Is for Control”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

“Improvisation” by Carrie (CarrieN007@aol.com). It has been three days 
since Carrie has wrapped herself around a man's hardness and she has 
really been missing it.  So she inserts a vibrator into her pussy and 
drives around town in her convertible, delighting in the warm feeling and 
basking in the glory of the admiring glances.  Then she comes home and 
masturbates.  The next day she goes to a porn theater and picks up five 
guys who come home with her and have wonderful sex with her.  After three 
of them leave, she introduces herself to the other two and prepares to 
continue her orgy.

By the way, this story is a little bit unrealistic.

Ratings for “Improvisation”
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
 
“Getting Some” by Miss Lucy.  Tammy has a roommate who is a tight-assed 
puritan, and so she and her boyfriend and his buddy decide to help the 
prudish bitch out by kidnapping her on the way home from the library and 
taking her to a nice place and raping her.  Although the roommate is at 
first upset by the disruption to her schedule, Ginny quickly realizes 
that it will be best to let her abductors have their way with her, and 
she finds a morbid fascination in imagining what they will do with her.  
So they take her to the woods and rape her, and while they're doing it 
the also rape and sodomize one another.  Then some wolves show up and 
have sex with them and eventually kill everyone.

By the way, this story is a little bit unrealistic.

Ratings for “Getting Some”
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
 
“First Black Girl” by Unknown Author.  This is one of the several zip 
files currently being reposted. (This one is labeled 1blkgirl.zip)  It's 
about a white man who goes on a business trip with a black woman with 
whose lips he becomes infatuated.  After he kisses those lips, he 
discovers that those lips serve other purposes as well and that she has 
other body parts that likewise induce infatuation.  They fuck every which 
way they can and then get married and live happily ever after.

Ratings for “First Black Girl”
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

“Eighteen Fantasy” by Unknown Author. This is another zipped repost - 
labeled 18fant.zip, I think.  It's written from the perspective of a 
young woman who operates under the misguided notion that she is a writer 
who knows a great deal about human sexuality.  I guess the 18 in the 
title refers to the girl's age - the story really doesn't say.  Anyway, 
the girl engages in mild mutual masturbation with her aunt.

I guess if I were studying for a literature course and thought the 
teacher had assigned a boring essay, I would possibly consider this to be 
a hot story.  However, since I was looking for a hot story, I found this 
to be a boring essay.

Ratings for “Eighteen Fantasy”
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 3
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 3

“My Ultimate Fantasy” by KP (Edited and repackaged {with consent of the 
author} by The Creep).  The narrator is some sort of science geek who has 
been obsessing over Nicole, a lovely young lady in his gym class who 
doesn't know that he exists.  He climbs through her bedroom window after 
she has fallen asleep reading "Lady Chatterly's Lovers" (probably a 
printout of an a.s.s. story based on the novel of similar title by 
Lawrence of Arabia), and drugs her with DTM (a cross between LSD, truth 
serum, and spanish fly).  He shares ecstatic rhapsody with her, but 
because of the DTM he is able to leave her there afterwards with fond 
memories and no evidence of what has happened.  She will simply think she 
had a wet dream about one of Mrs. Chatterly's lovers.

Next, our fun-loving hellion uses his knowledge of particle physics to 
create a suit that renders him invisible, so that he is able to enter the 
girls' locker room unobserved and take numerous titillating and 
compromising pictures.  For an encore he spikes the punch at a party with 
DTM, creating Fuckin' Punch, which somehow affects only the girls. You 
might think this would have the effect of making the girls horny targets 
for the hormonally imbalanced gentlemen attending the affair; but 
actually Our Hero has a surprisingly tender orgy with four beautiful 
women and falls deeply in love with one of them.  

Well, the title said this would be a fantasy!

Ratings for “My Ultimate Fantasy”
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

“Faerie Tale I” by D-Singer.  While I was looking for Christmas stories 
for this issue, I came upon this THC repost - fairies, elves - close 
enough, I thought.  'Twould be more appropriate for St. Patrick's Day, 
but a delightful story this is.  The lass who narrates the story has 
returned from America to Ireland, where she goes skinny dipping in a 
bucolic wilderness stream and is accosted by a brawny lad who mistakes 
her for a water nymph.  Well, to meet a nymph is good luck, but to have 
intercourse with one means death; but the young man figures, “What a way 
to go!”  They don't actually SLEEP together, so I suppose the guy lived 
happily ever after.

Ratings for “Faerie Tale I”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

My Joy in Christ- for Robin (goodnews@christnet.com).  It's at least 
mildly interesting to speculate what happened here.  I downloaded this 
story because it sounded like it might fit the Christmas motif that I 
wanted to include in this issue of Celestial Reviews. Actually it's the 
third chapter of “The Reluctant Film Star” by James Dawson 
(Dawson@Dawson.com).  I reviewed chapter 1 back in CR 82, and I'll repeat 
that review here.

But how did this story get posted under this heading?  Is there somebody 
over on alt.relgious.experience who is more upset than I am at the 
confusion caused by this apparent mispost?  Is it possible that the bible 
thumpers are getting a little “behind” in their reading?  Did Monsignor 
or the pastor's wife get his/her posts mixed up?  Is there a story for 
the Fourth Annual Celestial Writing Contest behind this somewhere.

In the original story Jack has been casting a movie in Moscow.  Miss 38DD 
(Natasha Zvegintzov) is obviously impressed with the opulent setting of 
the hotel.  She is overwhelmed at the prospect of getting the acting job, 
which will enable her to get away from Moscow.  The director tells her 
that “they” will need to see what she'll look like in a bikini; but alas, 
she has brought no bathing suit.  No problem; she can just remove her 
dress.  Ah, the casting couch; but the innocent girl is too naive to 
catch on.  “It's standard; and we also need to know whether you can 
follow directions.” She exhibits a perfect picture of submissive 
femininity as she goes through her informal, impromptu striptease.  
Naiveté turns to gullibility when she lets him check her breasts for 
implants. She is beginning to learn the hard way that being in the movies 
isn't always what it's cracked up to be.

There's not a lot of action in this story - all anticipation; but very 
good anticipation.  The present chapter seems to continue to be a good 
story.  I don't plan to review it again until I am confident that it's 
finished.

Ratings for “The Reluctant Film Star”
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

“Santa's Cumming” by Kansica (Kansica@aol.com).  On a whim, the beautiful 
blonde lady decides to have her picture taken with the mall's Santa Claus.  
When he asks her what she wants for Christmas, she replies, "Well, mom thinks 
I need a man. Could you bring me a gorgeous specimen of a man?"

{At a recent Christmas party, the Santa Claus asked my husband what he wanted.  
He replied, “Can I have a copy of your list of naughty girls?”  When Santa 
demurred, my husband said, “OK.  I'll settle for your list of NICE girls.”  I 
think I'll keep him!}

When Santa asks her if she's been a good girl, she replies that she has been 
quite slutty, and she feels his ears with dirty but delicious details.  Of 
course, she is sitting on his lap during this part of the narrative.  Anyway, 
Santa assures her that it's sometimes nice to be naughty and asks her to meet 
him after work.  It seems that Mrs. Claus no longer has much interest in 
sexual activity other than missionary style once a month.  Santa needs relief 
from his hectic life, and he'd like Jennifer to help out.  Mrs. Claus has no 
objections, but she has insisted that Santa never have missionary-style sex 
with another woman.  {No wonder Santa laughs so much!}  Santa is free to 
engage in sexual intercourse in any other position, with the further 
stipulation that he videotape each encounter to protect himself from being 
sued or arrested for rape.  Got your attention yet?  Check this story out for 
yourself!

Oh!  I forgot to tell you - Santa is looking for the right woman to give to 
his helpers as a reward for their good work throughout the holidays.  They so 
seldom have time to indulge in the pleasures of the flesh....

This is a VERY creative and stimulating story!

Ratings for “Santa's Cumming”
Athena (technical quality):9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
 
“A Charlie Brown Christmas” by Unknown Author.  This story was listed as 
cbxmas.doc.  If you want to find it on Deja News, I would suggest using 
“alt.sex.stories Charlie Christmas.”  Charlie Brown, Sally, Linus, Snoopy 
- the whole gang from Peanuts are more sexually active than we might 
think.  Indeed, Peppermint Patty and Marcie are lesbian lovers; Lucy has 
finally found a better way to approach Schroeder while he plays the piano 
and tries to ignore her; and Linus has tried to get some nooky from the 
little red-headed girl, but she has been saving herself for Charlie 
Brown.  Well, Charlie Brown gets a special Christmas present, and a 
general orgy ensues. This was the best Christmas ever!

This is a pretty good parody - or perhaps a pastiche - not quite as good 
as most of those by Shelby Bush or Uncle Mike, but still pretty good.  I 
was a bit put off by all the urination - it just doesn't sound like all 
that much fun to have somebody piss in my mouth; but other than that I 
enjoyed this story.

Ratings for “A Charlie Brown Christmas”
Athena (technical quality):10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
 

“Oh, Christmas Tree” by Dulcinea (Dulcinea97@aol.com).  Every year I try 
to make love just one special time under the Christmas tree.  So do the 
people in this story. It's a very nice custom and a very nice story.  As 
the song goes, 

      I saw Momma fucking Santa Clause
      Underneath the Christmas tree last night....

Ratings for “Oh, Christmas Tree”
Athena (technical quality):10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
 
“Candy Cane” by Dulcinea (Dulcinea97@aol.com).  This story is NOT about 
the REAL Santa Claus.  Jan and Tony have been working together at the 
Santa Shop in the mall, and after the last evening of hard work Jan goes 
down on him and invites him home for an wilder evening of elf sex.

Ratings for “Candy Cane”
Athena (technical quality):10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
 
“For Now” by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.du.edu).  It was almost 
exactly six months ago that I reviewed “Forever,” the first story in the 
Bob and Jeanette Brennan saga.  I astutely said it was a good story, 
expressed a wish that the author would post more stories, and rated it 
9.5, 9, 10.  I was also pleased as punch that I had recognized Uther 
Pendragon as the name of the king who established the Round Table on 
Merlin's advice and who subsequently found his true heir (King Arthur) 
through the ole sword-in-the-stone test.

Since that time, this author has not only reposted a revised version of 
that story - cleaning up the imperfections and earning a 10, 10, 10 
rating; he has also posted six more stories in this series, in addition 
to a half dozen unrelated stories.  At the present time I am going to say 
that this is the best story in the series; but I think that may be 
comparable to my daughter's annual statement that “This is my best 
birthday ever!” which is invariably followed a few months later by “This 
is the best Christmas ever!”  What I mean is that each successive story 
(a) is excellent itself and (b) makes the whole series better.  As I read 
this story I saw Bob and Jeanette in a completely new setting, and I 
learned things about them that made sense, but which I had not thought 
about before.

The present story is only indirectly about Bob and Jeanette.  It's told 
through the eyes of Bob's sister, Vi, a bright 16-year-old who wants to 
be a psychoanalyst some day but who is at the present time overwhelmed 
with her own problems with her boyfriend.  The sexual activity is equally 
indirect: we infer only what we can learn from Vi's descriptions of Bob 
and Jeanette, while she listens in the room next door while her hot 
brother and sister-in-law go at it in his old bedroom.

This is an excellent Christmas story.  I loved “The Gathering” episode of 
the Waltons, and this is the sexually explicit version of it - except, of 
course, that the Brennans are a smaller family and that Bob is Bob's 
first name rather than the ubiquitous Walton middle name.  The 
interpersonal and family relationships ring true in this story; and even 
the non-sexual details contribute to the sexuality that Vi observes in 
Bob and Jeanette.  If this author does not have a degree in psychology, I 
hereby bestow an honorary degree upon him.

If you have not read the previous stories in this series, do a favor for 
yourself or a loved one this Christmas.  Log onto DejaNews on the Web 
(www.dejanews.com) and punch in the search words “alt.sex.stories 
pendragon.”  Download all the stories you find there.  The ones that 
begin with “For” are the Bob and Jeanette stories. They'll give you a 
warm feeling on a cold winter's night.

Ratings for “For Now”
Athena (technical quality):10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
 
* "Here Cums Santa Claus" by Sue. This story centers around the visit of the 
lovely and vivacious Sue (who looks and acts a lot like me, although she 
apparently has smaller breasts and nipples that respond slightly more slowly 
than mine do to gentle caresses) to the mall's Victoria's Secret shop at the 
end of a long day of Christmas shopping.  Two libidinous female employees 
invite her to join the after hours festivities, at which she will become the 
Christmas present for the mall's Santa.  

I guess I shouldn't spoil the suspense - but the supposed impostor is the real 
Santa himself.  (This is where Sue departs a little from reality.  Her Santa 
is not circumcised.  He was the last time I made love to him.)  Sue has a lot 
of fun with the story, replacing the typical descriptions of sexual activity 
with terms and metaphors related to the Christmas season.  I checked with my 
word processor's "find" function, and the word "musky" doesn't appear even 
once; and the only time "rod" occurs is in the middle of "strode," "produced," 
and "prodigious" - the latter not in its usual context in a sex story!  
Instead, the aroma emanating from his cock is "the delicate fragrance of apple 
blossoms and almonds, with maybe a hint of balsam fir."  Santa's rotund cock 
is deliciously sweet and fruity.  And Santa's sweet candy cane drives deeply 
into Sue's fiery open hearth.  The only image I found to limp a little was 
Santa's offer to let Sue ride his North Pole.

Of course, like any depraved a.s.s. writer, Sue skirts the moral issue: what 
about poor Mrs. Claus, waiting chastely at home at the North Pole with all 
those tiny but horny little elves?  Nevertheless, this story managed to get 
the vision of Santa's "sugar plum" dancing in my head.  This story definitely 
put me into the spirit of things.  You'll have to read the story to find out 
what Santa said as he rose out of sight. 

Ratings for “Here Cums Santa Claus”
Athena (technical quality):10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
 
* "Sue Saves Christmas" by Paul LeComte (FA27482@UAFSYSB.UARK.EDU).  
Two heterosexuals and one lesbian (all geologists) are stranded on 
Christmas Eve in a Bolivian desert, bemoaning their lack of holiday 
cheer - when what to their wondering eyes should appear?  It's Sue - 
filling in for Santa Claus.  When Sue asks them what they want for 
Christmas, they all give the same answer; and so they have to share 
Sue, who doesn't seem to mind it at all.  This is a delightful story!  
Read it with someone you love!

Ratings for “Sue Saves Christmas”
Athena (technical quality):10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
 
* "Christmas Presents" by Ruth White.  Ray (Rachel) and Jack (Janice) 
are both computer geeks and crossdressers.  Neither is gay; but they 
discover that when they want to pass as female in public they can 
minimize risk of exposure by having one (dressed as a male) date the 
other (dressed as a female).  

They like one another.  As a grammarian, I stated that last sentence 
carefully.  If there were only two persons, I would have said, "They 
like each other."  But actually Ray and Jack like each other; Ray and 
Janice like each other; and Rachel and Jack like each other.  So they 
like one another, although only two of them are ever present at any one 
time.  Isn't grammar wonderful?

As time passes the guys get better at crossdressing and enjoy taking 
greater risks.  They are even more successful as computer geeks and 
become wealthy.  At the annual TV dinner (in San Francisco TV does not 
stand for television) Jack wins an award as most improved TV while Ray 
takes first place in the evening gown event.

Now at this point, the idea hit me: "Wouldn't it be a great plot if.... 
"; and that was exactly the plot of the rest of the story.  I enjoyed 
the story even though I thought I knew how it would end.  If you want a 
clue, read the next paragraph.  If you don't want a clue and prefer to 
be surprised by this really creative plot, skip the next paragraph.

Clue:  Skip this if you want to be surprised.  Clue: Think O. Henry.  
Further clue:  If you haven't guessed it yet, think "Gift of the Magi"!  
If you haven't guessed the plot yet, you're not very familiar with 
American literature.  Read this story; but then you won't be surprised 
when you read O. Henry's story.  End of clue.  You can resume reading 
now.

So they make a bet.  Each will live as a woman during the following 
year, and whoever does the best job (as adjudicated by the TV club) 
will win a vast sum of money and will obtain the services of the loser 
as a personal maid for a period of one year. For perfectly sensible 
reasons that are too complex to discuss here, they cancel the bet but 
continue to live and work as women, and Sally (that is, Walter the 
doctor) moves in with them as their maid.  It would also be too complex 
to explain why Ray finds himself as a client at the Institute for the 
Amelioration of Gender Dysphoria.  And finally comes the surprise 
ending.

As I have read TG stories, I have learned that crossdressers have 
problems that we more blasé people hardly even think about.  For 
example, if a guy is dressed like a girl in a bar and gets carded, what 
does he/she do about the picture and information on the driver's 
license?  And novice male CD's have problems typing with those long 
fingernails.  I have also learned that TG stories are often very 
creative.  I have no urge to become a crossdresser myself or to become 
sexually involved with one, but I find the ideas in stories like this 
one to be extremely creative - not _sexually_ stimulating, but very 
creative and _intellectually_ stimulating.  Although this story could 
benefit from a good proofreading, it is still an exceptionally creative 
tale.

Ratings for “Christmas Presents”
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
 

