Celestial Reviews 328 - June 5, 1999

Note: Billy and Willy were twins, and for their 13th birthday, Willy got a
bicycle, while Billy got a little portable radio.

Willy hopped on his bike and went to town. . On the way he saw the Geralds'
house on fire.  He spun around and peddled as fast as he could back home.

"Billy! Billy! Guess what? I saw a fire at old man Gerald's! There were fire
engines! Firemen! EVERYTHING!"

Billy looked up and said, "Yeah, I know. I heard about it 10 minutes ago on my
new radio."

Willy scowled and jealously muttered, "You and your fuckin' radio!" and stormed
off to go riding again.

In town he saw just about the most exciting thing ever - police, sirens, and
all kinds of excitement, because the local bank had been robbed.

He raced home as fast as he could. He started hollering before he was even
completely in the door, "Billy! Billy! Guess what!"

Billy dryly replied, "The bank was robbed?"

Willy scowled and stormed off, muttering, "You and your fuckin' radio!"

This time Willy pedaled clear through town, out into the countryside. A few
miles on the other side of town he saw a poor little pig with its head stuck in
a fence. He grinned and parked the bike.

Later, he returned home and said, "Billy! Billy! Guess what!  I just had my
first sexual experience!"

Billy looked up and dismissed Willy with a wave: " In a pig's ass you did!"

"You and your fuckin' radio!" muttered Willy, as he left the room.

Second note: A guy meets a girl at a nightclub, and she invites him back to her
place for the night. Her parents are out of town, and this is the perfect
opportunity. 

They get back to her house, and they go into her bedroom. When the guy walks in
the door, he notices all kinds of fluffy toys. There are hundreds of them,
fluffy toys on top of the wardrobe, fluffy toys on the bookshelf and window
sill. There are even more on the floor, and of course fluffy toys all over the
bed. 

They clear off the bed and go at it. 

Later, after the sex, he turns to her and asks, "Well, how was I?" 

She answers, "Well, you can take anything from the bottom shelf."

Third Note: Somebody sent me this improbable but interesting menu from a
Chinese restaurant:

Suk Mi Pagoda Menu
Cuntonese Cuisine
6969 Fellatio Blvd.
Escondildo, CA
281-6969 (that's Two ate one, sixty-nine,sixty-nine)

A -La - Carte

Cream Sum Yung Guy... Women love it
Cum Drop Soup ....... Same as above, but no MSG
Suc Sum Tit ......... Chef's favorite

Luncheon Specials

1.  Sum Yung Chick....Sweet and delicious
2.  Sum Dum Fuc ......Same as #1 but without brains
3.  Wong Hong Lo......Chinese sausage with 2 meatballs
4.  Suc Mi Pork.......Mostly white meat for light eaters
5.  Suc Mi Dork.......Mostly dark meat for big eaters

Dinner Combinations

1.  Goo in Hand..........For those dining alone
2.  Suc Mi Wang..........Traditional Chinese sausage
3.  Cum Too Soon.........Order early!  These go fast!
4.  Sum Dum Chick........Always a low cost favorite
5.  Fuc Mei Slo..........Takes 2 hours to prepare
6.  Lik Mi Clit..........A lip smacking Oriental treat
7.  Goo Wee Chick........No extra charge for sloppy seconds
8.  Yung Poon Tang.......Fresh daily
9.  Too Can Choo.........Includes sausage and fish for two
10. Wai Too Yung.........Not available on school nights
11. Fuc Sum Now..........Raw fish for those in a hurry
12. Tung Sum Chick.......Chef's Special
13. Sum Gulp Twat........Low-cal diet special
14. Bang Ho Face.........Served sitting down
15. Bang Ho Butt.........Served with warm oil and jelly
16. Hoo Flung Poo........Lobster bibs & raincoats provided

=====================
Celestial Reviews Index:
=====================

"Sharing" by E.Z. Riter (sharing) 10, 8, 8
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482700328

"Change of Heart" by Virago Blue (getting laid) 9, 8, 8
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482156425

"One For All And ...." by Ann Douglas (FFF party) 9, 9, 9
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482945816
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482947858
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482947873
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482947892
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482947911

"Change of Course" by Nick (adultery) 10, 9, 9
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=481294637

"Cliches - A Cyber-Mockumentary" by Dimitri (satire) 8, 8, 8

"Fog" by Mat Twassel (sex on the beach) 10, 9, 9
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=483496341

"Paint "by Vickie Morgan (bawdy-painting) 9.5, 9.5, 9.5 
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=483276280

"Generation Gap" by Otzchiim  (adult sex with teenager) 8, 5, 5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482111247

"Janey's Grocery Lust" by Jane Urquhart (mundane romance) 9, 9, 9
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=483491907

"Visions" by Miss Behavin' (romance) 10, 10, 10
http://www.missbehavin.com/visions99.html

"Practice Makes Perfect" By Poison Ivan (sex and the piano) 
      10, 9, 8.5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=464895991

"Doing It All Over" by Al Steiner (time travel sex) 9, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=480392013
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=480392040
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=480392068

"This Is A Recording" by Kristina Kepler (sex with the DJ) 9, 7, 7
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=485160961

"Morning" by Tiramisu (sexual reminiscence) 9, 6, 6
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482957859

"The Orange Dress" by Mat Twassel (sex in Puerto Rico) 10, 8, 8
http://members.aol.com/myfrthal/JoD/1/1/page8.htm

=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================

"Dares" by Maria Gonzales (adolescent sexual blackmail).
      BillyG: 10, 7, 6
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=435355846
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=435355852
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=435355857
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=435355860
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=435355864
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=435355867

=====================
Reposted Reviews:
=====================

* "Hell Hath No Fury" by Satan Penguin (Utopian comic book 
            sex) 10, 9, 9
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=483828987
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=483828973
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=483829032
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=483829018
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=483829046
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=483828988

* "Corruption of the Innocent" by Mark Aster {hot foursome}
      10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=446355629

=====================
Here are the  Reviews:
=====================

"Sharing" by E.Z. Riter (ezriter@pdq.net)
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482700328

Jack and Marcia have a problem. They love each other, but he wants sex a lot
more often than she does. So she adjusts. But then she comes up with an even
better solution. She suggests that they need an additional woman for him.

When Marcia tells him about this idea, Jack feels like a soldier who has just
discovered himself to be in the middle of a mine field. He keeps his mouth shut
and just listens. She asks for his honest reaction. Only a crazy man would
really be honest in a situation like this. He keeps his mouth shut and just
listens. Marcia has two friends with libidos like her own. She wants the three
of them to share Jack. That way Jack can have all the sex he wants, and none of
them will have to fuck more than two or three times a week. He keeps his mouth
shut and just listens.

So Marcia sends him to have sex with Susan.  The next night it will be Yvonne.
If Jack doesn't like either of them, Marcia has some others that would love to
be part of the group.

So they develop a schedule and Jack humps all three of them. There's even a
mild surprise at the end.

This is a good, sexy story. Its main fault - which is not a severe one - is
that it's a fairly predictable plot.

Ratings for "Sharing"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"Change of Heart" by Virago Blue (mdmvirago@aol.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482156425

Crystal wants Jimmy to fuck her, but he doesn't seem to know or care that she
exists. She uses the ole lick-the-popsicle-on-the-front-porch trick, with
little result. If she is going to go on to Hollywood to become a movie star,
her seductions will have to improve. Travis is out of town, and he never quite
makes her feel like she wants to scream anyway. But Jimmy hasn't been
impressed. Maybe lavender contact lenses would help. Or a degree in rocket
science.

Jimmy just ignores her seduction - treating her like a little girl. He's got a
lot of nerve. Actually that's not a nerve that he has. It's not a muscle
either.

Maybe changing her name to Crystal Shine would help. Nope. Jimmy thinks that
sounds like a furniture polish.

Maybe showing him her naked pictures will help - or maybe taking her clothes
off will do the trick <wink>. She never quite heard anybody say 'damn' like
that before.

Eventually Jimmy polishes the furniture with Crystal. And she screams loud
enough for the people in the old folks home in the next county to hear her.

Ratings for "Change of Heart"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"One For All And ...." by Ann Douglas (ann_douglas@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482945816
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482947858
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482947873
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482947892
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482947911

In this story by Ann Douglas, three of the Four Musketeers have gathered at
Rachel's apartment and are watching a porn flick and discussing sex. Three sexy
girls in an Ann Douglas story - what do you think is going to happen? Well,
you're right; but it's really interesting how they get there.

The other two have done it together before. Stephanie hasn't tried it, but is
enticed by the scene in the porn movie. The other two girls give her a hand
<wink>. Stephanie decides she does like it.

Then the fourth Muskateer comes - er, cums - er, arrives and joins in.

One for all, and all for one.

This is an excellent story.

Ratings for "One For All And ...." 
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Change of Course" by Nick (nick@cassandra.demon.co.uk).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=481294637

The woman has discovered good evidence that her husband, whom she has deeply
loved, has been unfaithful. She suspects the culprit must be one of her closest
friends; and so she sets aside some time to imagine how each of them would
seduce and fuck him. She tries to abuse herself by masturbating to these
images, and this activity brings her to a strong orgasm. She continues to
masturbate and visualizes herself to be active in an orgy that includes her
husband and all her close friends.

Then her husband comes home for the confrontation.

I won't tell you what happens next. That would ruin the story for you.

I had downloaded the story from DejaNews, and my selection criteria, "change"
and "course" were highlighted.  This emphasis gave an interesting and
insightful twist to the story, almost making me insert a comma into the title. 
What would a woman do when this happened to her? Change, of course.

Ratings for "Change of Course"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Cliches - A Cyber-Mockumentary" by Dimitri (dimitri_resides@hotmail.com).

This is a mock documentary about the alt.sex.stories newsgroup. The
investigative reporter travels with a newbie into cyberspace to wander through
the newsgroup, much like people travel in submarines through the bloodstream in
sci fi movies of the 80's and educational computer games of the 90's.

Some of the grammar and most of the plot are incoherent, but that's partly
because the story is trying to emulate the atmosphere of the newsgroup, which
is often incoherent in its grammar, structure, and story plots.

The most coherent part of the story is a brief story within the story, starring
Christina Ricci and several other celebrities in a hot tub orgy.  It could be
referred to as hot fucking shit!!! by the author of the story or a 7, 7, 7 with
an explanation in the current Celestial rating system.

My favorite part of the story was the inclusion of a goddess-like character
named Celeste.  The only flaw in her persona was that she used the
acronym/phrase IMHO. I don't think you'll find acronyms of emoticons in my
reviews - just the occasional pun. As the man says, I guess the moral is that
even Goddesses have their off days 

Don't go to this story for sex.  The value of this story is its satire, which
will appeal mostly to people who are fairly familiar with alt.sex.stories.
Within that framework, it's a clever story.

Ratings for "Cliches - A Cyber-Mockumentary"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"Fog" by Mat Twassel (mmtwassel@aol.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=483496341

Have you ever gone for a walk in the fog and realized that you could have wild
sex with the person you're with, as long as you didn't get too noisy?  I have;
but then it has always occurred to me that if other people can't see me, then I
can't see them either' and the police officer or little kid might emerge from
the fog just as we're really getting it on.  That's sort of what happens to the
couple in this story: one of them trips over another couple copulating in the
fog in which they have been flirting.

This is essentially a romantic slice of life from a Day in the Life of a Sexy
Couple on Vacation with their Children.  However, a more enticing title might
be "A Little Pussy," because an animal of that description comes out from under
Cap'n Jack's porch and begins lapping at the remains of Laura's fallen ice
cream near the end of the story.

I guess in a really refined taxonomy of sex stories, this one would be
classified as a mild consensual romance. I can live with that.

Ratings for "Fog"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Paint "by Vickie Morgan (artemis55@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=483276280

Dad is a straight-laced headmaster. He is raising his daughter to be a genius.
He comes home one day and catches Mom having more fun than she should while
giving Chloe her early education.  Instead of getting angry, however, he joins
them in their body-painting party. Pretty soon the diversion gets erotic, and
the parents consummate while their daughter takes a long bath under the
supervision of the electronic baby monitor.

There's really not much to say about this story. If the idea strikes you as
interesting (as it did me), read the story and let the author give you the
details. The only shortcoming of this story is that now I have to find a way to
get my husband to do this to me without making a mess of the house.

Ratings for "Paint"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5

"Generation Gap" by Otzchiim (otzchiim@aol.com) 
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482111247

This is an odd story. The events come in a strange order. The widowed father
takes his teenage son and the boy's girlfriend camping. Although the father
expects his son to be humping the girl, she comes on to the father instead.
After they fuck the first time, Holly tells him that she had been a virgin
before this, but now that the father has bopped her, maybe she'll do the kid
too.  So the dad and the son share the girl till the end of the trip (but the
son doesn't know about this), and then the old man drops out of the picture.

All we have is a set of information that is not in an order that is likely to
develop interest or lead to a climax, if you'll pardon the expression. The only
people this story is likely to appeal to are those who will exclaim, "Way cool,
dude! The teenage girl is fucking with the old man!" If that's all it takes for
you to get your rocks off, you may like this story.  If you need plot or
character development, this is the wrong place to look.

Ratings for "Generation Gap"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5

"Janey's Grocery Lust" by Jane Urquhart (janey98@hotmail.com)
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=483491907

Janey is overwhelmed with the problems of daily life - what to get at the
grocery store, how to shuffle the kids around, how to handle the clients at
work. Her husband comes to bed and makes love to her while she is going over
her mental grocery list, and things suddenly feel a lot better.

The unique feature of this story is the perspective - everything is filtered
through Janey's mind, which is preoccupied with mundane chores. The author does
a good job conveying a common but nevertheless thrilling experience.

Ratings for "Janey's Grocery Lust"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Visions" by Miss Behavin' (romance) 10, 10, 10
http://www.missbehavin.com/visions99.html

Richard is a business executive who has been working too hard. His 21-year-old
daughter insists that he take a vacation. At the very beginning of the vacation
he meets Jenna, who is beautiful and deaf. Because of her deafness and because
Jenna's mother died in a car crash when Jenna was very young, her grandmother
has brought her up in a loving but sheltered existence. 

Richard breaks through to Jenna by the simple expedient of using the computer
to communicate with her. Then he broadens her horizons by letting her read the
online stories of a fictitious erotic author, whose name happens to be Miss
Behavin'.

I forgot to tell you that Richard has been having recurring dreams and visions
about the woman of his dreams.  Jenna is a dead ringer for this woman. This
sort of thing really happens. I have a close relative who used to describe to
me the woman of his recurring dreams. Then one day he brought her over to meet
me. He thought she was a closer match than I did, but I was impressed; and they
have been happy together for over ten years now.

On the other hand, I used to have recurring dreams about the man of my dreams.
My husband is not much at all like this man - except that he's intelligent,
sensitive, loyal, trustworthy, and all those Boy Scout things, plus great in
the sack. But I digress.

Richard falls madly in love with this woman. For her part, she is ecstatic to
find a person with whom she can explore the world of human sexuality.

The sex is really hot. But there's a LOT of non-sex material to this story.
GOOD non-sex material.

The plot is built around a sort of mystical interpretation of the visions
Richard has been experiencing. I personally don't believe in that mystical
explanation in real life, but I had no trouble seeing the author's perspective
and suspending my disbelief in order to enjoy the story.  Heck, I have reviewed
at least five stories in this very issue of CR whose premises are more
far-fetched than this one!

Aside from a few minor typos, here are the first bad lines in the story: "Jenna
smiled at him and looked him up and down. He was wearing a pair of black jeans
and a white polo shirt and as she moved closer to him, she could smell his
cologne and she felt something stir inside of her." What's wrong with these
lines?  Up until this point, we have not been able to read Jenna's mind. We
have been able to look at observable behaviors and to read Richard's mind. I
think this sudden shift to Jenna's point of view was a mistake. It's still a
good story, but I think it would have been better to have left the point of
view alone.

To top it off, the author integrates the story with the song "The River" by
Garth Brooks. Way cool, dude!

If you are even remotely interested in romantic sex stories, you're a damned
fool if you don't read this one. For that matter, if you can read, you're a
damned fool if you don't read this one.

Ratings for "Visions"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Practice Makes Perfect" by Poison Ivan 
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=464895991

Right after the piano is delivered, our protagonist has to leave the instrument
at home and go to one of those exclusive New Year's parties where women drink
wine out of clear plastic wine glasses and men drink beer out of yellow plastic
cups. While our horny hero is acclimating himself to the party atmosphere, he
gives us a fairly complete chronology of his sexual history.

If I were to venture an opinion, I would say that he was overly speculative in
his early days. He was always trying to read women. And without much success.
He also has this habit of reflecting on previous relationships while initiating
new ones - even when the sexy girl he's talking to is stating that she came to
the party to get laid and wants him to take her home. Which is fortunate,
because she has had a little too much to drink.


"Nice piano," she says.

"I just got it today," he says.

"So where's the bedroom?" she says.


After he fucks her most deliciously just one time, he pauses for a break and
realizes that playing the piano was something he could succeed at by being
relentless.  Then he reflects on his relationship with his most recent
girlfriend, who was more like a roller coaster ride than a piano.

But his current date helps him learn to improvise. Which is good. Both during
sex and at the piano or both at the same time.

The ruminations about past relationships didn't quite make it with me. They
distracted from the story a little more than they contributed to it. Still,
this story is very much worth a read. It's a good story.

Ratings for "Practice Makes Perfect" 
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8.5

"Doing It All Over" by Al Steiner (al_steiner@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=480392013
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=480392040
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=480392068

Let me emphasize that the previous story was NOT by any means a bad story. But
I want to begin this review by pointing out why this one is BETTER. 

First, the author grabs my attention. He tells me in words 18 through 32 of the
first paragraph, "In retrospect it was perhaps the wisest thing I've ever said
in my life. Then he holds me in mild suspense for 1391 words while he tells me
an interesting anecdote leading up to the revelation of what those words were.
Those 1391 words reveal to me that the hero is a decent man who has done some
things badly in his life and would like to have a chance to do it all over
again.

Second, the premise of this story is just a little bit zanier than that of the
first. But instead of just relating the events that comprise the remarkable
coincidences, the author of this story lets the events evolve with twists and
turns that make the predictable a little bit unpredictable.

Anyway, the protagonist is a paramedic who is nice to an elderly Chinese man,
which is a wise choice, since the old guy has the magical power to grant
wishes. And poof! He gets to start life over as a fifteen-year-old, but with
the knowledge that he has acquired in his prior life.

So he is zapped back 17 years to the old days - complete with an 8-track tape
player and a black-and-white television set.

Alas! We're into time travel here.  Time travel is a complex type of science
fiction. For example, if our hero is able to change things, then his daughter
Becky might never live.  This is deep, very deep shit.

In this case the guy's brain stays at age 32 while his body and his
surroundings revert to age 15 in 1982. Thus he is able to remember his
masturbation fantasies with classmates and teachers, but he has forgotten his
class schedule and most of his algebra. Since he also knows the future of many
of his classmates, we get some interesting turns of phrase: "She really was
pretty good looking in a future trailer trash sort of way."

To bag his first girl, he uses this pick-up line while he is smoking pot with
two guys and a girl: "Have you guys ever considered how much religion has
fucked up our views on sex?"

Oh, and the guy has the urge of a 32-year-old to get into a teenage girl's
pants; and it's legal, because he's a teenager too.

The story has some irritating grammar problems - like sentences that begin but
don't end - nothing that a little proofreading wouldn't fix. Ignore them, and
read the story.  It looks like the author is going to make a series out of it.

This story will eventually develop into what we could call a short novel, and I
think it will be a good one. However, the difference between this novel and a
really excellent one is that the author of the really excellent novel finishes
the whole story before publishing it. The present author, on the other hand, is
going to get to an important point in the story and realize he should have done
something different earlier. What will he do? He'll either have to live with
the existing plot or patch it up in some way. This is especially likely to
happen in a science fiction story like this one, where the author obviously has
not yet considered the full ramifications of his basic plot. 

I can see an example of this already in the first two chapters.  In chapter 1
the protagonist was planning to divulge his secret to his sister. Sometime
between the time the author wrote chapter 1 and chapter 2, I think he changed
his mind about this aspect of the plot. What probably happened is he realized
he was onto a good thing and decided to expand the story greatly - probably
because he received so much favorable feedback. So he was stuck with a plot
that just wouldn't work.  The BEST idea would have been to simply eliminate his
plan to share the secret; but he couldn't do that, because he had already
rushed to press. He survived this problem by simply having the protagonist
change his mind. But that won't be possible with problems that occur later in
chapter 5 or 6.  The simple fact is that unless the author is an absolute
genius he is going to paint himself into a corner: he'll get to a point where
he has done the set-up in such a way that he will be unable to write what he
really wants to write. Since he's a good author, most of us won't even notice
this: we'll still get a good story - just not as good as it could have been.

{Some authors DO wait till the whole thing is finished and go back over earlier
parts before they publish their long stories, and these authors write some of
the best stories. In addition, some authors really CAN wing it as they go
along. Charles Dickens did it that way; so why can't we all?}

Authors write this way because they thrive on feedback. Of course, there's no
law against going ahead and finishing the "weak" version of the story and then
later revising the whole thing based on what the author has learned. But
authors almost never do that. There seems to be an unwritten law that once a
story is finished, it cannot be changed, even by an author who knows perfectly
well that he wishes he had written it differently. Either that or the author is
more interested in another project by that time.

I haven't ranted for a while; so I assume you'll forgive this brief tirade.
Even though this story inspired this digression, I look forward to seeing the
rest of this story. It's both creative and sexy.

Ratings for "Doing It All Over"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"This Is A Recording" by Kristina Kepler (kivi_kepler@my-deja.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=485160961

The college-age DJ invites his old girlfriend and her high-school-age sister
over to the studio to record some songs and to have some fun. Since they are
alone, they go to the stations bomb shelter, where he fucks both of them.

The story is not bad at all, but it lacks real passion and interesting twists.
It reads a little like a porn movie - back-to-back scenes of sex that are
tastefully done; but I got the impression the sex was there primarily because
the story was supposed to have sex.

This author is not far away from having a really good story here.

Ratings for "This Is A Recording"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7

"Morning" by Tiramisu (tiramixu@yahoo.com)
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482957859

This is a "you" story. However, the author does try to overcome the problems
usually inherent with that point of view.

The narrator is a man who is remembering at some undisclosed later time what he
remembered earlier in the day. It is not clear exactly what this story is - a
telephone monologue, a meditation while he looks at her picture, a fantasy at
the end of the day, or just a plain ole story.

The above paragraphs present problems for the author. The "you" approach makes
it necessary for the reader to take the perspective of someone being talked to,
but it is not clear how that talking is being done. Then the remembering of
remembrances makes further demands on the reader.  This puts the reader at a
level of abstraction that is fairly complex - it makes it difficult to get
clear images from the story. The author is picturing something CONCRETE, but
the reader is not likely to be in this same frame of reference. Hence, we get
some confusion.

If this were MY story, I'd go with the telephone conversation. Late at night
the guy calls his wife and tells her how much he missed her. This would make
the story more concrete, and she could prompt him to talk about what he's
actually doing while she's having phone sex with him. That's something the
reader can easily imagine.

This story has room for improvement.  I love the sentiment, but it's just a
little bit hazy - largely, I think, because of the problems I cited above. Of
course, maybe there's some inherent merit in ratings of sixes and nines for a
sex story!

Ratings for "Morning"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6

"The Orange Dress" by Mat Twassel (mmtwassel@aol.com).
http://members.aol.com/myfrthal/JoD/1/1/page8.htm

The narrator and his wife go on a romantic trip to Puerto Rico. There's some
relatively calm romance with his wife, and some really hot banter with a young
Puerto Rican girl.  The man sees an orange dress that he'd like to see his wife
in, but she declines the offer. Then the girl shows up in that same dress, and
away we go.

I don't want to give the story away by telling you much more.  My problem was
that the story left me unfulfilled at the end. Maybe it was my mood, but I got
to the end and wondered why the author had done this to me. Don't get me wrong:
it's very good stuff, and the interplay with the young girl is some of the
hottest material I have ever read, but I was somehow led to expect something
that wasn't there. I suggest you take a look at it for yourself.

Ratings for "The Orange Dress"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8


=====================
Site Review:
=====================

The Journal of Desire (http://members.aol.com/myfrthal/JoD/)

This zine presents itself as an occasional journal of erotic writing,
criticism, and commentary. Its first issue is online, and the draft of the
second issue is expected by July 1999. The main reason I mention this site is
that its major contributors are authors whose works I have often reviewed and
valued: Mark Aster, Uther Pendragon, and Mat Twassel.  In addition to some
other writing, this first issue contains two stories: Mark Aster's "Corruption
of the Innocent," which I have already reviewed (repost below) and Mat
Twassel's "The Orange Dress," which I reviewed for the first time in this
issue.

I evaluate sites based on (1) the quality of the writing and (2) whether it
looks like somebody is trying to rip me off.  This site has excellent writing,
and I'm pretty sure my spam rate has not increased since I went there.

It was an excellent site to visit.

=====================
Guest Review:
=====================

"Dares" by Maria Gonzales (Maria1971@aol.com). Guest review by BillyG
(hayden@mindless.com)
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=435355846
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=435355852
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=435355857
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=435355860
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=435355864
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=435355867

     I had the opportunity of exchanging a few notes with Maria in early April
after reading her earlier posted story, "Mall Strut." She said, "English is my
second language, so I mess up sometimes : )"  In another note she added, "My
reading / writing vocabulary is much much larger than my speaking vocabulary is
(English anyway, Spanish, it's the opposite)"

     So, the story of this review, "Dares," is written by a young Latino woman
for whom English is not her native tongue.  She's done quite well in these
early efforts.  Disliking the repetitive appearance of "he said" and "she
said," Maria essentially does away with them entirely in "Dares."  Too, the
long, long paragraph formatting as given way to the easier-to-read,
shorter-paragraph style, a welcome change.  Maria deserves high marks for her
grammatical improvements.

     Does it make it as a sexy story?  In part.  In fact, if one were to
isolate the sexy scenes from the story, they'd be quite steamy.  So what's the
problem?  

     To put things into perspective, this is a story about high school kids
with a rather angry, mean-spirited mentality.  The protagonist, Lisa, is
blackmailed by Adam, a next door neighbor and former friend. He's angry that
Lisa has ignored him and his geek friends and employs rather heavy-handed
blackmail threats to force her acquiescence.

     It has always been difficult for me to enjoy the eroticism of forced or
non-consensual sex, particularly when laced with a strong measure of
humiliation..  Lisa, who has her own issues, appears not to be so encumbered,
for she takes some sexual delight in her one-down position.

     The juxtaposition of anger/blackmail with uninhibited sexuality plays
throughout Maria's story.  Some find delight in this theme; I found it off
putting.  The emotional swings were too wide for comfortable identification.

     Still, if the target audience is high school students, this may be well
received, but I found it a stretch and too immature to be arousing.

Ratings for "Dares"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot& character): 7
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 6

=====================
Reposted Reviews:
=====================

*  "Hell Hath No Fury" by Satan Penguin (spenguin@freenet.edmonton.ab.ca).  
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=483828987
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=483828973
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=483829032
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=483829018
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=483829046
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=483828988

Shakespeare based most of his plays on the tales and legends with which his
audiences were already familiar.  To accomplish this, he must have had a
prodigious knowledge of the classics and of folk legends.  The present author
likewise bases this story on information with which he expects his audience to
be familiar.  In other words, he displays a prodigious knowledge of the Archie
series of comic books and newspaper cartoons.

Stan, the protagonist of this story, comes from a planet called Elad-Revir,
H'trae.  This planet is a close parallel to earth, and the city is closely
parallel to Riverdale, the home of Archie, Veronica, Betty, Jughead, and their
comic book friends.  If you haven't made the association yet, you may want to
read Elad-Revir, H'trae backwards and see if you can notice its relationship to
Riverdale, Earth.  If you can see no connection, you are not smart enough to
read this story.

This could be described as a Utopian - or anti-Utopian - story.  It combines
comic book characters with a focus on adolescent sex to deal with concepts that
Orwell dealt with in "1984 "and Skinner dealt with in "Walden II": what is the
best way to run a perfect society - to get individuals to contribute willingly
to the good of the greater society?  Stan is the quintessential Renaissance
man, modern scientist and engineer, and sexual aficionado all rolled up into
one.  He's almost too good to be true- which is OK, because, after all, this is
a comic book episode.

As I neared the completion of Chapter IV (which is all there is right now), I
paused and pondered the title.  I had assumed it was excerpted from the
expression "Health hath no fury like a woman scorned."  But no woman had been
scorned, and the prospects for scorning were low.  Maybe the title was a simple
description of the lack of overt hostility in hell.   The Church Lady would
certainly notice that Stan himself was one vowel short of Satan; could that be
relevant?

I really don't know where the story is going. There are numerous unresolved
subplots - none of which have any apparent relation to hell or its fury. 
Reggie has been plotting to seize a share of Stan's wealth.  One of the sex
slaves is developing a genuine (non-slavelike) attraction for Stan.   Sabrina
is trying to integrate her witch essence with her human existence.  Veronica
and Betty have discovered the joys of hedonistic sex with each other and with
other lovely ladies.  All the members of the gang (especially the genius
Dilbert) have started getting in a little over their heads with sex with sex;
and who knows what to make of the lovely ladies whom Stan has so adeptly
trained to service himself and his friends?  And there's much more.  I am
impressed with the overall quality of the writing and with the attempt to merge
the consistent Archie story line with more complex sexual idea, but I am also a
bit disappointed that I have read this far and don't yet know where the story
is going.  I guess I'll have to wait and see what happens next.  Its sort of
like reading the funny pages!

Ratings for "Hell Hath No Fury"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

* "Corruption of the Innocent" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=446355629

Sometimes I read a story and give it all 10's. Then after I write the review
and read my email and correct a few papers - in other words, after I let my
hormones stop frolicking, I come back to the review and knock a point off here
and a half point off there. 

So I gave this one my 10's and wrote the description of what the author does so
well, and then I came back and left the ratings alone on this one.

In case you're not familiar with this epic saga, let me give you the general
outline. Pat and Julie are the Allen Sisters, two marvelously endowed and well
adjusted young ladies with extraordinary sexual talents. The narrator of the
stories, whom I refer to as Our Hero but whom the author refuses to name except
by the lower-case designation hetboy, is married to or has at least fathered a
beautiful child with one of the sisters. It matters not at all which sister;
for they share Our Hero and themselves with the world at large. Sometimes they
fuck one another into mind-numbing ecstasy. Sometimes they share their joy with
somebody else, my favorite being Aurora Drake, whose name alone could be enough
to convert me from my monogamous lifestyle. This all happens in a wonderful
world - probably a place called Heaven - where no one ever incurs a disease and
where it never even remotely enters anyone's mind to become jealous or
possessive - a place where the lewd and lascivious, lithe and luscious Aurora
Drake can come and cum (in a different episode) without anyone making fun of
her marvelous name.

This episode is much like the seventy-five that have preceded it. Our Hero and
the Sisters are going at it, when Our Hero innocuously exclaims, "God, we're
happy!" "Such joy should be shared," chimes in Pat. And so, while the aforesaid
duo continue foreplay, Julie leaves the dwelling and shortly returns with the
Innocent mentioned in the title of the story. Fred doesn't at all mind being
corrupted.

What this author does really well is orchestrate simultaneous sexual activity
among three or more sexy people. I would try to explain it, but instead I'll
just suggest that you read the story.

Ratings for "Corruption of the Innocent"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10


<end>
