Celestial Reviews 263 - March 4, 1998

Note:  In the distant future Paul and Paulette accumulate enough 
frequent flier miles and travel to Venus (actually, to a currently 
undiscovered moon of Venus).  They meet a Venusian couple and talk about 
all sorts of things. Finally, Paulette brings up the subject of sex.  
"Just how do you Venusians do it?" asks Paulette. 

"Pretty much the way you do," responds the Venusian woman.

Discussion ensues, and finally the couples decide to swap partners for 
the night, so that they can experience one another. Paulette and the 
male Venusian go off to a bedroom where the Venusian strips.  He has 
only a teeny, tiny penis - about half an inch long and just a quarter 
inch thick.

"I don't think this is going to work," says Paulette.

"Why?" the Venusian asks. "What's the matter?"

"Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach deep inside 
me!"

"No problem," he says, as he  proceeds to slap his forehead with his 
palm.  With each slap of his noggin, his cock grows, until it 's quite 
impressive in length.

"Well," she says, "That's quite inspiring, but it's still pretty 
narrow...."  

"No problem,"  he says, as he starts pulling his ears. With each pull, 
his dick grows wider and wider, until the entire configuration is 
extremely exciting to Paulette.

"Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed and make mad, passionate 
love.  The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go 
their separate ways.

As they walk along, Paul asks, "Well, was it any  good?"

"I hate to say it," says Paulette, "but it was pretty wonderful. How 
about you?"

"It was horrible," he replies; "I've got a terrible headache. All the 
bitch kept doing the whole time was slapping my forehead and pulling my 
ears."

Second note: 

Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews 
for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.

- Celeste

      "Dr. Goodlove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love
             the.... " by Maura Nelson (highway romance) 10, 9, 9
          http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=315128433

      "Scene from a Writer at Work" by Artie (romantic quickie)
            10, 10, 10
          http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327659978

      "Legal" by Wile E. Coyote (in-law sex) 6, 8, 8
          http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=324869475

      "Alice" by Pan (academic exhibitionism) 10, 10, 10
          http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=328591267

      "Canteloupe" by Art Montage (sex with tutor) 8, 8, 8
          http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=328937268

      "Air Force" by Kristen 'Kathy' Becker (sexual initiation)
            9, 8, 8
          http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=330242343
          http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=330242347	

Guest Reviews:

      "My Six Year Itch" by Anne Arbor (one-nighter)
            10, 10, 10
          http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=326055093

      "Young Jedi Knights" by PJ (sci fi kiddysex) 7, 9, 7
          http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327426369
          http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327426373
          http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327426369
          http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327426380
          http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327426384
          http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327426384
          http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327426390

      "Distant Lover" By Ana Hernandez (real-life cybersex)
          http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=329798821

      "Tomboy" by TJ Walker (kiddy incest) 6
          http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327655085

      "Seven and One Is Two" by Val White (sci fi FF sex)
            9, 9, 10
          http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=329798828

      "The Personal Trainer" by SR (cybersex)10, 9, 9
          http://x1.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=330253556

      "The Lawyer from Akron" by SR (cybersex) 10, 10, 10 
          http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=330253547

Reposted Reviews:

    * "Duty" by Uther Pendragon (revolutionary sex) 10, 10, 10
          http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=195936052	

    * "Nextdoor" by Friar Dave (surprise!) 10, 10, 10
          http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=330084898

* = Repost of previous review (because the story has recently been
      reposted)


"Dr. Goodlove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the.... 
" by Maura Nelson (sexylines@hotmail.com).  The title of this 
story is a parody of the movie "Dr. Strangelove."  That's the only 
connection between the movie and this story.  There also seems to 
be a word missing at the end of the extended title of this story.

This story takes place in the great status symbol of 60s and 70s 
youth: the VW van.  Flower (actually Margaret, but she wants a 
name that more clearly connotes the fact that she is blossoming) 
hitches a ride with two of those long-haired guys that used to 
roam the Western world.  She pays for the ride by having sex with 
both of her fellow travelers. She even fucks through the sun roof 
of the VW with the nicer one. Things like this explain why so many 
truckers ran off the road with grins on their faces back in those 
less civilized days.  The first guy is a dud, but the second 
becomes the Love of Her Life. In fact, this story is a sort of a 
25th anniversary memorial.  Isn't that special?

This is a well-written, sexy story.

Ratings for "Dr. Goodlove"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Scene from a Writer at Work" by Artie (artie@netgate.net).  As I 
read the first part of this story, I said to myself, "Self, this 
is a pretty good story, but the author seems to have the verb 
tenses a bit screwed up."  Then the narrator himself says to his 
wife, "It's okay for a first draft; I need to go over it a few 
times. I may have shifted verb tenses in there." Gotcha!  Ya see, 
the narrator is an author, writing a story and following the 
highly useful practice of not worrying about grammatical details 
during the first draft but being careful to polish his writing 
before publishing it.

So the writer's wife looks over his shoulder and says, "Why don't 
you ever right about me?" And he says, "You mean like this?"  And 
they jointly compose and act out a very short but intense erotic 
escapade.  The story has little plot development, but it's still 
excellent.

Ratings for "Scene from a Writer at Work"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Legal" by Wile E. Coyote (ellem@webspan.net).  Webster defines 
"legal" as "old enough to be fucked without legal recriminations 
against the person who performs the Act."  That's Little Oral 
Annie Webster, of course - not Noah or Daniel.

The girl has just turned 17, which makes her legal in her state, 
which is apparently Arousal.  Since she was 14 she has been trying 
to seduce her brother-in-law, who was at that time one year more 
than twice her age.  {This is a question actually taken from the 
math portion of the SAT: how old is the brother-in-law now?}  But 
he has always said, "No; not until you're legal."

Now that she's legal, he fucks her brains out - rather brutally.  
The fact that the girl enjoys the harshness of the sex actually 
makes sense in this case, since she is portrayed as a bit of an 
airhead who wouldn't recognize love or a meaningful relationship 
if someone shoved one up her ass.

This is by no means the best story I've reviewed lately.  It's 
full of silly errors; but it's possible that the author did this 
on purpose - to convey the authentic impression that this babe 
ain't gonna be a rocket scientist.  She's just young, dumb, and 
full of cum.

Ratings for "Legal"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"Alice" by Pan (pan@nym.alias.net).  The guy is a 45-year-old 
heterosexual male history teacher.  The woman is a female student 
in his class.  She likes to turn him on.  She does this 
unobtrusively in class, but she does it even more emphatically in 
the gym.  She designs her exhibitionism so that nobody except the 
teacher is likely to notice that she is coming on to him.  The 
exhibitionism gets pretty hot!

The following is not a moral lecture.  I obviously LIKED this 
story.  But the question I'd like to raise is, what is the actual 
policy for college teachers regarding sex with students?  Would a 
teacher be in serious trouble for doing what the narrator does in 
this story?  I think the answer is YES, if anybody in a position 
of authority found out about it.

Most colleges, I think, have a policy against coercive sex; and 
since the teacher is in a position of authority (giving the 
grade), I think colleges may ban sex with students (because the 
student may feel coerced to "put out" in order to get a decent 
grade).  In addition, if we alter the present story just a little, 
we could have the student blackmailing the teacher: "Give me a 
good grade or I'll show the dean my email from you."

I honestly don't know what the policy is at most colleges or how 
prevalent sex is between students and teachers on college 
campuses.  If the rules are what I think they are and if I were an 
unscrupulous lawyer, I think I would place an advertisement in the 
college newspaper, announcing that I would for a small fee enhance 
the wealth of any student who has been having sex with a 
professor.

Even so, this is a darned good fantasy!

Ratings for "Alice"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Cantaloupe" by Art Montage (dechant@northnet.org).  Do antelope 
eat cantaloupe?  The answer doesn't matter.  It's a light-hearted 
sentence designed to help an oriental woman learn to pronounce 
English more clearly.  The story itself focuses on more 
metaphorical melons.

The basic plot has a guy tutoring an oriental student and his 
wife, but the male student is late quite often.  Since the woman 
doesn't want the tutor to get angry and stop tutoring them, she 
apologizes by giving him some good sex.  As Confucius say, "A 
tutor will not leave if he is cumming."

The story has three main problems. First, it relies excessively on 
descriptions and explanations rather than action, especially in 
the earlier part of the story.  Second, there are some grammatical 
problems.  One that I found annoying was the splintering of 
compound words into two separate words (e.g., "heart felt" for 
"heartfelt," "work books" for "workbooks").  Finally, I thought 
the ending was a bit abrupt.

Overall, this is a pretty good story that could have become even 
better with a little more proofreading.

Ratings for "Cantaloupe"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"Air Force" by Kristen 'Kathy' Becker (Kristen78@aol.com).  Kriste is 
enrolled at the Air Force Academy.  She wants to be a combat fighter 
pilot.  But the men don't like her, because they resent her as a woman 
and because she won't put out for them.  Near the beginning of the story 
she is unpleasantly mauled by several male cadets.  Confused about her 
sexuality, she decides to get rid of her virginity by having sex in a 
cheap motel with Johnny D, a rich asshole in her squad. Disappointed 
with the experience, she has a Patsy Cline epiphany: "Is that all there 
is?"  But then David appears in his shining armor and fucks her 
properly.  Fulfilled in her womanhood, Kriste goes on to become a 
successful fighter pilot.

The story has the basis of a good plot, and the sexual action - at least 
in the second, romantic sequence - is hot.  However, while the story is 
good, it's not outstanding.  {Note: I do not want to pick on this 
author. She asked for specific advice.  I hope that my advice can be 
helpful both to her and to other authors who are trying to improve.}

The imperfection is difficult to pin down.  Aside from some minor 
problems with grammar, I think the story has two problems: excessive 
introspection and timing.

First, this story is a bit too introspective.  We learn all about what's 
going on inside Kriste's mind.  The author starts at the beginning and 
explains Kriste's thoughts right up to her fulfilling session with 
David.  I don't mean to exaggerate the problem - after all, I DID give 
the story an 8 - but parts of it read a little too much like an 
anthropological study or a diary to be submitted for a psych class.  
It's good to know Kriste's thoughts, but the best stories often contain 
ACTIONS and brief conversations that reveal the mindsets of the 
protagonists.  If you check out the stories that usually fill my Top 20 
lists each month (or the stories to which I have given straight 10 
ratings in this issue of CR}, you'll discover that most of them find a 
more creative way to tell the readers about a character's thoughts and 
feelings.

The other problem is what I've called timing.  It overlaps with the 
first problem, and it's hard to describe. Almost everyone knows some 
people who are better than others at telling jokes.  They have timing.  
They can use almost the same words and ideas as someone who tells the 
joke less effectively, but they leave us with a better feeling.  Timing 
has to do with deciding exactly what to tell, when to tell it, how much 
to tell, and how to relate the parts of the story.  It's done 
differently by different people.  Some of us seem to acquire timing 
naturally, but I don't think it's an innate characteristic: we can 
certainly develop our skills at timing.  

I think one of the best ways to develop storytelling ability is to 
notice it in others.  When you read a good story by someone else, try to 
notice when that author does something interesting.  Then do it yourself 
when you get a chance.  Don't just copy: add your personal touch to what 
the other writer did.  And don't just limit yourself to short stories on 
this newsgroup.  If you like South Park, ask yourself what it is that 
makes that show so interesting to you.  If you liked Titanic, ask 
yourself why.  Other shows have had good special effects; why do so many 
people keep coming back to see Titanic?  You won't do exactly what these 
other people do; but by noticing what they do, you can benefit from 
their influence.

Ratings for "Air Force"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"My Six Year Itch" by Anne Arbor (AnneArbor@hotmail.com). Guest review 
by Father Angelico.

{Father Angelico purports to have a cable TV show on the Internal Word 
Television Network.  The IWTN appears to be nonsensical, and should 
probably not be viewed by people who are easily beguiled by lunatics.  
Comments inserted in brackets are mine.}

This is a story about perverts - vile, wicked, depraved, degenerate 
perverts.  The husband and wife have begun to take each other for 
granted.  Instead of doing something constructive - like going to church 
together {or reading Celestial Reviews out loud to each other} - the 
husband goes on a business trip and the wife meets a wicked and immoral 
man at a seminar at work.

Beware of Australians! There is something inherently wrong with people 
who take pride in being "down under."

She doesn't say "no," and he takes that as a "maybe", which is really a 
tacit "yes". She wants to feel him making love to her more than he wants 
to tell him to stop and let her think logically. With her husband it's 
lovemaking, but with this lover it's raw sex, and she likes the 
difference. Alas and woe!  I'd like to turn this evil vixen over my knee 
and spank her little ass!  She gives new meaning to the word flagitious!

This was a despicable story!  Just say NO to sex!

Ratings for "My Six Year Itch"
{Note from Celeste: simply subtract the padre's scores from 10, and 
you'll get a reasonable approximation of Venus and Celeste.}
Grammar (technical quality): 10 (Even the devil can do good 
      grammar!
Purity (plot & character): 0 (These are depraved people!)
Holiness (appeal to reviewer): 0 (Woe unto thee....!)

"Young Jedi Knight Sex Stories" by pjurado@aol.com (Pjurado).  
This review is the personal opinion of Kim, who can be contacted 
at ghost@nym.alias.net.

Yet another story set in the worlds of Star Wars, first brought to 
us by the Star Wars trilogy of movies, but since extended by comic 
and novel. Since I have apparently become the resident Star 
Wars/Star Trek reviewer, this story has come my way. This one 
introduces many characters never seen, or even mentioned, in the 
films; but it integrates them seamlessly with the accepted milieu.

It mainly tells the story of Jacen and Jaina, the young twin son 
and daughter of the now married Han Solo and Princess Leia. 
They've both been away to Uncle Luke's Jedi training academy. The 
trouble is, poor Jacen has the hots for his sis Jaina, and no 
sooner has he shown her his saber than they're at it on the floor 
of the cargo hold of the transport ship taking them home to mom 
and dad. Jaina willingly gives up her virginity in the process. 

Once home, Prime Minister Leia (hmmm, Princess to Prime Minister, 
seems like a demotion to me) catches the two incestuous lovers at 
it again, and being overcome with understanding motherly concern, 
promptly banishes them from the republic forever, and blows up 
Jaina's bedroom with a magical power thingy. Han returns home, 
from a night out with Lando and the guys, to a partially 
demolished home and banished kids and just shrugs it off. Kids of 
tomorrow, eh?

The two renegades steal an x-wing and fly off to adventures new, 
which includes working in a brothel, getting kidnapped by a mind-
controlling sex-crazed t'landa Til (they're similar to Huts, but 
you can tell them apart because of their horn, or something), 
having a major tussle or two with a Mandalorean Knight called 
Black Asp, and meeting up with an old flame, the one-armed (yes, 
really) Jedi warrior-woman Tenel Ka. The usual Star Warian stuff 
really. Well, except that George Lucas didn't have as much sex in 
his versions.

On the whole, I enjoyed the sappy story as much as I enjoyed any 
of the Star Wars stuff. Looking for a believable, sensible plot is 
mostly a waste of time. You just go with the flow and have fun. I 
thought the writing tended to the purple on many occasions, and 
some of the expressions were unintentionally amusing, either from 
the florid nature of the prose, or from the misuse of a relevant 
word.

There's also an unpleasant strain of misogyny running through much 
of the sex scenes, with several acts of brutish sex, or 
humiliating sex for the woman, and as a finale, one clear rape of 
a virgin. Also, be warned that there is obviously incest, and both 
of the main participants are only fifteen years old. But if you 
can live with that kinda stuff, you'll probably appreciate the 
arousal factor. There's plenty of hot, if slightly repetitious, 
coupling throughout the story.

Ratings "Young Jedi Knight Sex Stories" 
Athena (technical quality): 7 (Too purple for me)
Venus (plot & character): 9 (Pretty silly, but fine by Star Wars 
      standards)
Kim (appeal to reviewer): 7 (Would have been higher but for 
      the misogyny)

"Distant Lover" By Ana Hernandez (SinpleAna@aol.com). Guest Review by 
Sandman (sandman@bitsmart.com).

The Internet may very well be one of the most important developments in 
the sexual revolution.  Oh sure, Mr. Bell gave us all those 1-900 sex 
kitten lines, but it took the Internet to make it possible to meet 
someone three thousand miles away and get to know them well enough so 
that the moment you DO meet the other person it's hop right into bed 
time.   No expensive dinners, no theater tickets, no walks along the 
beach, no pretending to like opera, heck in this story no condoms either 
(let us all contemplate the joys of safe sex for a moment). Just, "wow 
you look as great as your picture" and poof, you're off to a hotel room 
having the best sex you've ever had in your life.  And it does happen.  
In my real life I have friends who met on the net and she moved from 
Georgia and married him.  

It apparently happens frequently in stories as well, even stories based 
on real life, which this one purports to be.  And that is the premise of 
this story.  A woman and man have a cyber relationship and take the 
ultimate step of moving fantasy into real life.  The point of view is 
from the woman, and the author does a top notch job of exploring the 
anticipation and the fear of the first meeting and subsequent first 
fuck.  This story is tasteful, erotic, and very sexy in a very 
believable way.

There are a few mistakes in the story, but most of them are easily 
overlooked, and I really wont dwell on nit-picking.  My main criticism 
is a good one actually -- the story left me wanting to know more about 
the characters.   Yes I enjoyed this one, and yes I am most definitely 
recommending it.  

Ratings for "Distant Lover"
Athena (technical quality): 9-- A few technical mistakes.
Venus (plot & character): 10   -- Nice plot, nicely handled.
Sandman (appeal to reviewer): 10 - Was the pierced tongue that 
      turned the trick. 

"Tomboy" by TJ Walker (Reposted by Commander Jameson).  Guest review by 
David Myers.

So many of the incest stories in a.s.s.m. suffer from lack of 
originality. There are times when this genre can really shine, but 
usually I come away hoping for something a little different than the 
last time. Walker has a few well-written moments, but fails to show 
something really new.

The Synopsis: Two very young teen boys each find themselves attracted to 
the other boy's sister. A group scene ensues and the at least one boy 
finds himself attracted to his own sister, too.

My favorite line in this story is one that underscores how Walker fails 
to suspend my disbelief over the situation:

"If you want, you can come in my panties..." she began.

I laughed pretty hard. This point comes midway in the narrative, after 
the boys have been jacking off together with some magazines and one of 
the sisters, who is 12, is ready to join in the fun. This comes after 
almost no sexual build-up on the girl's part, and is one of her first 
lines of dialogue.

I should give Walker some credit with the last third of the story. He 
does manage to build up some nice (and fairly hot!) scenes that are very 
different from the no-frills head-first start. Still, I can't help but 
think that this one was written in two different stages, and sewn 
together too quickly in the middle. It leaves a disjointed feeling for 
the reader.

Rating: 6

"Seven and One Is Two" by Val White (val72@hotmail.com). This review is 
the personal opinion of Kim, who can be contacted at ghost@nym.alias.net

Well here I am again, Celeste's SF reporter calling in from outer space. 
Tell me, does the term "Slash" mean anything other than cutting someone 
with an edged weapon?

Well, in this case it means the sort of hot fan-fiction written about 
fantasy characters, usually Star Trek, and often gay in content. The 
term slash being derived from the "/" character used to separate the 
story codes. Should you want to read an interesting article on the whole 
Slash genre, then you could do a lot worse than point your browser at
http://www.ilt.columbia.edu/projects/live_culture/lc1/articles/slash.htm
l for a good explanation.

This particular story is set aboard the star ship Voyager, captained by 
the fabulous Catherine Janeway. Into the crew's lives has come the 
enigmatic and stunning Borg babe, "Seven of Nine". The Borg don't go in 
for flashy names, they live as a commune, rather like insects. As 
ruthless a bunch of folk as your likely to encounter should you happen 
to be ambling about the cosmos.

Cut off from the collective, poor SofN is having to adapt to human ways 
and customs. To this end she consults the Captain on how best to 
integrate with the crew socially. The conversation gets round to matters 
intimate and sexual. One thing leads to another and pretty soon the 
Captain is giving SofN some very personal tuition.

I have to admit to this one pressing plenty of buttons for me. Star Trek 
is one of my favorite television phenomena, and Voyager may even be my 
favorite. Girl/girl sex is nearly always a good thing in my book. As for 
the story, well it is what it is; unashamedly slash fiction. Take
away the Star Trek and you'd have a perfectly presentable lesbian 
encounter, but nothing really outstanding. But that's not the point, so 
I'm gonna mark it as slash fiction. I adored it. The rest of you may 
want to pass.

Ratings for "Seven and One Is Two" 
Athena (technical quality): 9 (Nothing wrong, just not sparkling)
Venus (plot & character): 9 (The Capt. licks the new girl -- yeah!)
Kim (appeal to reviewer): 10 (I wanted to give it straight tens, but... 
)

"The Personal Trainer" by SR (parasol_60@yahoo.com). This reviewer 
has never taken part in cyber sex.... OK, you can stop 
laughing/gasping in disbelief!  I'm not deprived or disapproving, 
it's just not my thing. So it took me a few lines to realize to 
appreciate why the author chose the spelling/typing style she/he 
did. This story is an online MF dialog in which the woman 
describes her sexual fantasy about a male personal trainer to her 
cyber lover.

What at first seemed sloppy presentation is, of course, an 
imitation of the typing style people trying to communicate swiftly 
online adopt. So there are missing letters, capitals, etc. - but 
this is in tune with the story, not errors on the part of the 
author. At least that's my assumption. This style does make it 
harder to read, particularly the absent paragraph breaks. 
Paragraph are used to indicate alternate speakers, so there are 
none within the woman's long sections. Bit of a dilemma - go for 
verisimilitude, as the author has - or adopt standard presentation 
and be easier to follow. They're both good schemes.

The sex is hot and straightforward!<g> I enjoyed the detail: 
>He closed his eyes as the throaty moans from my mouth vibrated 
the
>swollen head of his cock, and began to gently sway back and 
forth.
Though it's difficult to pick a quote - so much is so well 
described. All in all, a good story. Not much characterization - 
though of course it's  a bit short for that - but a fun read. 

Ratings for "The Personal Trainer"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Bronwen (appeal to reviewer): 9

"The Lawyer from Akron" by SR (mailto:parasol_60@yahoo.com). Guest 
review by The Bear (mailto:thebear@io.com).

Interesting coincidence: I had just finished reading this story on ASS
and was preparing to send a complimentary note to the author when I  
checked my email and found that Celeste had sent me the story for a 
review. I already wrote my note to the author; now here is my review to 
let potential readers know about this new author to watch for.

"The Lawyer from Akron" purports to be a captured chat session between 
the eponymous lawyer and a chatroom temptress using the name Paranoid. 
I'm not an aficionado of online chat, but this piece has the ring of 
authenticity to it. After some flirtatious banter and getting to know 
each other, the pair get down to a hot description of his preferences in 
getting head, and her preferences in giving it. If anyone finds the 
early parts of the story a bit slow, the final few paragraphs should 
more than make up for it.

Rereading the story for purposes of this review, I had some difficulty 
with the first two ratings. The plot is minimal, the character 
development limited by the chosen format. Punctuation and capitalization 
seem natural for a chat session in which the chatters don't deem such 
niceties important. I decided that both are appropriate to the story, 
and gave it 10s all around.

BTW, readers who enjoy this story will be pleased to learn that the 
author posted several other pieces in similar format (chat sessions) 
although with a variety of plots. They're worth a search on DejaNews, or 
a trip to Eli's ASSM Archive when it is back up.

Ratings for "The Lawyer from Akron":
Athena (technical merit): 10
Venus (plot and character): 10
Bear (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Duty" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net).  This author has learned 
to write like a behavioristic teacher. We teachers say things like, "Do 
you want to read Hamlet or Macbeth next?"  Actually, if they had to read 
at all, our students would prefer to read Stephen King or maybe Sports 
Illustrated or probably TV guide.  But it's best to give them the 
illusion of control.  And so the lieutenant says to the peasant woman, 
"Do you want me to rape you here in the main square while the men use 
cattle prods on you, or would you prefer to go inside the house and be 
my sweetheart?   Macbeth looks shorter, and there probably are no cattle 
prods in the house, and there's no chance of getting out of the 
assignment anyway, and so she becomes the lieutenant's sweetheart pro 
tem.  

The lieutenant is a graduate of the School of the Americas - not the one 
in South Bend where they play football, but rather the one that the US  
government operates to train military officers from Latin America.  I'm  
sure some readers will enjoy this story of a[n] officer exploiting a  
peasant woman as "really great sex."  I found it to be a genuinely  
realistic portrayal of a real asshole.

Ratings for "Duty"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Nextdoor" by Friar Dave (friar.dave@teamhbbs.com).  The single 
father comes home from work early and discovers his only child 
Jan, who is 12-years-old, in the shower with Marty, the much older 
physical fitness instructor who lives next door.  Eavesdropping 
briefly, the father concludes that the activities in the shower 
include anal intercourse.  Since he doesn't want to traumatize his 
child, the father decides to wait until they're finished and 
confront them.

As I read this story, I grew suspicious.  Friar Dave is a good, 
creative author, and this story bordered on the banal.  I began to 
consider the possibility that maybe there was a punch line - maybe 
things weren't what they seemed to be.   Maybe the father had 
jumped to the wrong conclusion and taken me with him- maybe the 
child and friend were just giving the dog a bath or something.  So 
I tried to read the story with possible innocent meanings in mind.

I was right.  Things weren't what I thought they were.  But I 
still missed the surprise ending.  Maybe you'll have better luck.  
It was an enjoyable story.

Ratings for "Nextdoor"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

GRAMMAR TIP OF THE WEEK: Some readers have encouraged me to resume these 
grammar tips.  If you have suggestions or comments, please send them to 
me.

INTO & ONTO.  The word INTO is not always a proper replacement for IN 
TO, nor is the word ONTO always replacement for ON TO.

INTO means "to a place or position; in toward."  Into actually has 
several more meanings, but the key point is that very often "in" and 
"to" need to be separated:

      WRONG: She gave into his demands and agreed to have sex
            with him and his ex-girlfriend. 
      RIGHT: She gave in to his demands and agreed to have sex
            with him and his ex-girlfriend.

      ABSOLUTELY SILLY: After he read the marriage manual for two
            hours, he went INTO see if he could pop his wife's cherry.

ONTO means "to a place or position; upon."  In other cases "on" and "to" 
need to be separated.

      WRONG: He rubbed the oil into her buttocks and then went 
            ONTO her breasts.  {This means he mounted her breasts.}
       RIGHT: He rubbed the oil into her buttocks and then went 
            ON TO her breasts.  {This means he continued by rubbing 
            oil into her breasts}

      WRONG: The foreplay was so exciting that she could hardly wait
            to move ONTO the real sex. 
      RIGHT: The foreplay was so exciting that she could hardly wait
            to move ON TO the real sex.

      WRONG: He bucked up and down so wildly that I was unable to
            hold onto his cock with my pussy muscles.   {"mussels" would
            be a different error - or an interesting metaphor}
      RIGHT: He bucked up and down so wildly that I was unable to
            hold on to his cock with my pussy muscles.

      ABSOLUTELY SILLY: He had so much fun fucking his mother
            that he went ONTO bob the knob with his sister and aunts 
            as well.

ADDENDUM TO LAST ISSUE'S GRAMMAR TIPS:  A reviewer called this to my 
attention.  When you're using direct quotations, do NOT use the past 
tense to express the exact words of quotations that someone said in the 
past.  However, when using indirect quotations, it is necessary, and 
often complicated, to put the quotations in the past tense, even if the 
words were present tense when stated.

WRONG: Henry looked at her as she gazed out the window.... "Where 
      the hell were we?" she thought.
RIGHT: Henry looked at her as she gazed out the window.... "Where 
      the hell are we?" she thought.
RIGHT: I wondered where the hell we were.
RIGHT: She wondered where the hell they were.

WRONG: She thought, "Was I going to meet his expectations?"
RIGHT: She wondered whether she would meet his expectations.

WRONG: She asked herself, "How many of these guys did I fuck last 
      night?"
RIGHT: She asked herself how many of these guys she had fucked
       previous night.
