Celestial Reviews 187 - June 4, 1997

Note:  The deadline for the Third Annual Celestial Writing Contest has 
come and gone.  Actually, the Third Annual contest took place last year; 
and so the present contest is either the Fourth Annual Contest or the 
Second Third Annual Contest.  I posted the list of stories received for 
this contest in CR 186, but somehow that posting got delayed, and so I 
am reposting CR 186, reposting the list of stories in this issue (with 
several additions that have arrived since I wrote that issue), and 
extending the deadline slightly.  So if you have a sex story of 500 
words or less, you can submit it by June 7 and still be eligible for the 
honors inherent in winning this prestigious prize.

Here is the list of stories I THINK I have received for this contest.  I 
would appreciate it if people who have submitted stories would check the 
list below to make sure I have their entries correctly listed. Sometimes 
stories have not been labeled clearly, and sometimes I just plain get 
confused.  Note that in order for a story to be considered a contest 
entry, the author him/herself must submit it and state that it is for 
the contest.  An example of an unacceptable entry would be a repost of 
one of Deirdre's short stories without her permission or a story that 
appears on a.s.s. or a.s.s.m. that happens to be under the size limit.  
For example, an author recently posted a humorous anecdote that would 
have fallen within the word limit but was not labeled as an entry for 
the contest.  Likewise, the following story will not be accepted as an 
entry, even though it is less {actually, fewer} than 500 words: "I need 
a big stiff dick inside of me!  Please cum to my site and shoot your wad 
all over my face!  I've got lots of HOT pics for you to see!  Get some 
hand loti and get ready to blow!!" If an author wants to be in this 
contest, he/she has to tell me so.  In order to avoid mistakes, I am 
listing here (in general alphabetical order) all the stories that I 
THINK have been submitted for this contest.

"Am I Only Dreaming?" by Paddy Toute
"B----'s Lover" by Eli-the-Bearded
"Bees" by Mat Twassel 
"Civility" by Mark Aster
"Confessions of Lust" by Anon747
"Daisy" by John Thomas
"Dune What Comes Naturally" by Jeanette Brennan
"Foodie" by Plainman
"The Game" by Michael Ellis
"The Harpooner" by MrSpraycan
"The Houseguest" by DG
"If." by Mary's Brother 
"In Your Own Sweet Way" by Walter Caulder
"Listening to the Neighbors" by Renae Nicks
"My Trusted Friend" by BronwenSM
"The Phone Call" by Gregarious
"Playing Pool" by BronwenSM
"Poe" by Seurat
"Ships that Parse in the Night" by John Thomas
"Spaced Out" by John Thomas
"What Choice? by Mal
"Windmill Saga" by Robert Brennan
"Yardstick" by John Thomas

Three entries by Mike Hunt
Five stories by Tom Bombadil
"Teasers" by Vickie Tern (several eligible entries)
"Twist" by Seurat (several eligible entries)

Stephanie {the winner of my first two "annual" contests} has promised me 
an entry but has not yet submitted it.

If you think stories should be added to or deleted from this list, 
please contact me.  In the next issue I'll post a list of all the 
entries, and the authors should repost their stories.  Readers who wish 
to do so will be encouraged to send the input to me or to comment 
through a.s.s.d.  I'll allow myself to be influenced by this discussion, 
but the final decision will be mine.

Second Note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my 
reviews for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.

- Celeste

      "Cape and Cowl" by Ann Douglas (ff bat sex) 10, 10, 10
      "Photos" by Luc7557 (enforced voyeurism) 10, 10, 10
      "Three Wishes" by Sandman (magical breast growth) 10, 9, 9
      "Hot! International! Gay!" by Andrew Hicks (book review)
            10, 10, 10
      "Conversation" by Christopher '95 (really bizarre sex) 10, 10, 10
      "Bimbo Twins in Outer Space" by Leo Sanderson (sex in outer
             space) 7, 6, 9
    * "Peach Pit After Hours" by Roger P. Tipe (gang rape)
           9.5, 9, 8
    * "Conversation" by Sandman (sex fantasies & inhibitions)
            10, 10, 10

* = Repost of a previous review (because the story has 
      recently been reposted)

"Cape And Cowl" by Ann Douglas (annd@pop.tiac.net).  Here we're back to 
Supergirl as I know and love her.  At the beginning of the story, a 
small jet is in extreme danger.  The Girl of Steel, who happens to be in 
the area delivering a heart for a transplant operation, rescues the 
pilot and passenger by bringing the jet in for a gentle landing.  By 
sheer chance, the passenger on the jet happens to be Barbara Gordon, 
junior congressional representative from Gotham City, whose secret 
identity is Batgirl.  The loss of the engines on the jet was no 
accident; it was sabotage by evil agents of Quraq.  Supergirl and 
Batgirl quickly combine to subdue Crimson Rose, the main Quaraqi agent; 
and then they disclose their mutual attraction to each other.  Then a 
good time is had by all.

This is a very nice story.  I guess you could say it's not great 
literature - just a kids' comic book story that happens to be 
banned for children.  But this author does a great job of setting 
up a plot with details that are both interesting and consistent.  
In addition, the sex between the two superheroes seemed perfectly 
plausible to me.  The aspect that I like best about Ann Douglas's 
stories is that her characters have genuinely interesting 
personalities.

Ratings for "Cape And Cowl"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Photos" by Luc7557 (Luc7557@aol.com).  Madeline is a prominent author 
of erotic stories, perhaps on this very newsgroup.  She has a cyberlover 
in England, but she has no erotic photos to send him.  So she has asked 
Luc and his faithful sidekick Gena to come to her house and take some 
photos.  The rules are that Luc and Gena will just take photos - no 
funny business - nobody will even touch Madeline.  However, Madeline 
still seems a bit shy - she's hesitant to disrobe for the camera.  No 
problem, says Gena, as she whips off her clothes; how can Madeline be 
nervous if the photographer's assistant agrees to go naked for this 
photo shoot?  And so, two hours later they have enough pictures to 
enable her to e-mail Chris one a day with his breakfast until his next 
visit.

But wait a minute!  Suddenly Gena has snapped handcuffs and bondage 
shoes onto Madeline.  Are they going to violate the terms of engagement?  
No way!  They could get bounced from the Erotic Photographers Union for 
pulling a stunt like that. They just want a captive audience.  Maybe 
next time Madeline can join in.  But tonight Luc and Gena just want her 
to watch - to watch, to listen, and to imagine."  Ah, Gena gets really 
hot, and they change the rules, but not too much....  Well, there's 
always next time.

This is a good story.  I found the second person ("you") point of view 
to be extremely irritating.  As I progressed through the first part of 
the story, I assumed I would have to dock the author several points 
somewhere for this silly approach.  But the overall story turned out so 
good that I couldn't decide where to dock him.  Instead I decided to 
give him straight 10's but to make a point about the point of view.  It 
seems to me that the author probably wrote this story for somebody else 
- probably somebody named Madeline.  Madeline probably had about twelve 
orgasms while she read the story and e-mailed back something like, "This 
is really good!  You oughta publish it!"  And so he did.  The problem is 
that the story would have been better had Luc considered that the other 
people reading this story would not be Madelines.  In fact, some of them 
would be guys.  These future audiences would be likely to find the 
original point of view (which was great for Madeline) to be distracting.  
I can see no reason whatsoever (other than that it would take time) that 
this story couldn't be told in the third person.

Some authors (e.g., Plainman) do great things with the first-and-second-
person narratives; but they work hard to make these "persons" have 
personality.  This author does not do that.  He just insists that the 
reader take the point of view of Madeline.  I don't think that's a good 
strategy.

On a completely different topic - For those of you who have no 
kids yet, let me say that you are in for a thrill.  As soon as you 
or your beloved gives birth to a progeny, somehow the photo 
companies will get your name and they'll lay siege to your 
domicile, offering you wonderful prices on pictures of your cute 
little bundle of joy.  Knowing that your baby is more beautiful 
than any other, you'll sign up with one of these photographers for 
the bargain package; but then your sweet little son or daughter 
will refuse to smile or look remotely natural during the photo 
session.  Strategies analogous to those employed in this story may 
come in handy on that occasion.

Ratings for "Photos"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Three Wishes" by Sandmann.  The man goes to the remote island of Tonga 
to write a story about a Shaman who lives there.  The Shaman, of course, 
had received an MBA at an American university before he returned to the 
island to carry on the family tradition.  Since the Shaman values his 
privacy, in return for the interviewer's promise to keep quiet about 
where he found him, the Shaman grants the interviewer three wishes.  The 
man's first wish is for unlimited money; his second is for his 
girlfriend's breast size to increase; and he delays his third till later 
{the Shaman says he can mail it in}.

To be more specific, for his second wish he wants to be able to make his 
girlfriend's breasts larger; but he wants this process to be absolutely 
safe for her, and he wants the growth to be under his control." In 
granting the wish, the Shaman adds just one condition: there will be but 
a single hour during which he can cause Becky's breasts to grow, and 
then only as she experiences orgasm.

When he gets home, the fun begins.  Becky starts the lovemaking session 
as a size A, but by the final twenty minutes she has progressed beyond 
size F.  Of course that's only an estimate; it might be better to use 
NBA standards, since the tits seem to resemble basketballs.  This may 
sound like a freak show performance, but Becky enjoys it immensely - and 
there's always that third wish in abeyance.

Sign from Heaven Department: I just found this Three Wishes Joke on 
rec.humor.  I apologize to my blonde sisters.  Insert whatever you want 
in place of the three blondes <interesting thought!>:

There are three blondes stranded on an island. Suddenly a 
fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish. 

The first blonde asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned 
into a brown haired woman and she swims off the island. 

The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the 
previous one, so instantly she is turned into a black haired 
woman. The black haired woman builds a boat and sails 
off the island.  

The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than 
the previous two. The fairy turns her into a man, and he 
walks across the bridge. 

{End of Joke}

If I myself had to make three wishes, I would, of course, wish first 
that love and peace would spread throughout the entire world.  My second 
wish would be for an infinite supply of wishes.  My third wish I would 
save to cancel the other two, just in case I screwed up.

Ratings for "Three Wishes"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Hot! International! Gay!" by Andrew Hicks.  This was recently posted by 
Eli the Bearded under the title "(Humor) what's your bag baby?"  It's 
not really a "story," and so it really shouldn't be a target for my 
reviews; but then, as a belligerent critic recently pointed out, my 
"reviews" aren't really reviews either.  Therefore, as a compromise I'll 
call this little gem to your attention but make it ineligible for the 
coveted monthly and yearly awards. 

Apparently Andrew Hicks has a comedy diary called "Yet Another 
Year in the Life of a Nerd," which is somehow associated with the 
web site at http://www.missouri.edu/~c667778.  Mr. Hicks seems to 
have come across a book entitled "Hot! International! Gay!" which 
claims to translate common sexual phrases (especially those most 
needed by gay men) into seven languages.  I found his comedic 
treatment of this book to be hilarious.

Ratings for "Hot! International! Gay!"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Conversation" by Christopher '95 (A+ Story).  This one is hard to 
describe.  It's bizarre - like a dream. An extremely beautiful 
woman whom he has never seen before joins Martin at his table in 
the restaurant. "Do you love me?" she asks in a low, husky voice. 
"I don't even know who you are," answers Martin. "Know me?" 
replies the woman;  "I didn't ask if you knew me.  I asked if you 
loved me.  Do you love me?  Do you want to?"  Then she asks if she 
can please sleep with him.  She promises never to say no.  And she 
doesn't.

This is a strange but strangely fascinating story.

Sandmann wrote another story with this same title.  It was also 
bizarre, but not as far gone as this one.  I'll repost that 
review, and maybe Sandmann will repost his story.

Ratings for "Conversation"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Bimbo Twins in Outer Space" by Leo Sanderson 
(leonsan@rocketmail.com).  Sometimes I just plain admire people 
that know their limitations.  As I glanced at this title, I 
suspected that the author of this story probably did not believe 
he had written a masterpiece.  He probably thought he was writing 
a rather inane satire on science fiction stories that seem to 
thrive on sexual innuendo.  

The action takes place on a spacecraft that has 100 male crew 
members and 6 robots, plus twin female officers dressed in the 
standard uniform of gold and blue bikini bra and thong panties, 
thigh-high sheer black hose and spike heel booties. {You may think 
that this uniform would interfere with the responsibilities of the 
eponymous twins, but an engineering student once explained to me 
that physical designs desirable on earth may not be equally 
desirable in a weightless environment.  The student was speaking 
of the design of the Starship Enterprise, but the reference to 
Barbarella below seems equally relevant.}  Sean and Sia Barbie 
have magnificent bodies with 38D cup breasts: full and firm with 
perfect pink nipples cresting each mound, "allways" erect; they 
{the breasts, I think} seemed to be the cherries on top of a mound 
of vanilla ice cream, waiting to be sucked into a warm mouth and 
enjoyed.  Well, I guess the author has more in common with Larry 
Flint than Isaac Asimov.

My husband likes to tease my brother-in-law (a conservative 
Vietnam veteran) by discussing the merits of a movie called 
"Barbarella" - a completely stupid movie with no discernible plot 
in which Jane Fonda does nothing much other than fondle her own 
body in outer space.  This story reminds me of "Barbarella."  I 
have to admit, I've had some really great orgasms during 
"Barbarella," but not because of anything I was directly observing 
on the screen.

Ratings for "Bimbo Twins in Outer Space"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

* "Conversation" by Sandmann (bd654@scn.org). This story begins as 
a conversation between two women about the sex life of one of 
them, who mentions that she is sexually uninhibited.  A stranger 
at a nearby table jumps into the conversation and asks her to 
explain what she means by "uninhibited."  Her friend leaves, and 
the woman continues the discussion with the stranger.  This is a 
fascinating combination of a theoretical discussion and sexual 
fantasies.  It's a Platonic dialogue run amok!

As you know, I enjoy "discovering" that various a.s.s. authors are 
"really" someone else.  For example, I have discussed at length my 
theory that Deirdre is actually Sherwood Anderson reincarnated.  
More recently, I speculated that Harper Lee is the real author of 
"Tomboy," which was falsely attributed to Jordan Shelbourne.  If I 
recall correctly, I once even exposed J.D. Salinger posting on 
a.s.s. Plainman is obviously a pseudonym for John Updike.  I also 
suspect that some authors on this newsgroup post under more than 
one name.  The present story is a case in point.  This story bears 
an uncanny stylistic resemblance to the work of another excellent 
author whose work I have reviewed here in the past.  However, 
since the author may have some reason for wanting to conceal this 
dual identity, I am not going to disclose the other name under 
which I think this author writes.  If you want to `fess up or 
speculate, you can contact me by e-mail.

This is a thoroughly enjoyable story!

Ratings for "Conversation"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Peach Pit After Hours" by Roger P. Tipe 
(rogrtipe@ix.netcom.com).  Rocco and his gang of thugs burst into 
the Peach Pit After Dark.  Rocco puts a gun to Brenda's head and 
tells Val to hand over all the money, or he'll blow Brenda's 
brains out.  Since Val doesn't like Brenda anyway, she replies , 
"Fuck you!"  Not really wanting a murder rap, Rocco changes 
tactics and announces that instead of killing Brenda he and the 
guys are going to rape everyone unless Val turns over the money.  
This is supposed to scare Val, but instead it turns her on; and 
besides, she likes the feeling of power and control that Rocco has 
given her over her sexy little friends.  

So what we have here is a prolonged gang rape, with 30 or so 
scuzzy gang members banging the Beverly whores.  Val herself 
escapes relatively unscathed, but rumor has it that she'll get 
hers in the sequel.  I guess as gang-rape stories go this was a 
pretty good one.  I think if I were a 90210 fan I might have 
caught some more of the allusions and enjoyed some inside comments 
that I might have missed.

Ratings for "Peach Pit After Hours"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8


