Celestial Reviews 277 - April 22, 1998

Note: Father O'Grady was saying his usual goodbyes to the parishioners after
his Sunday morning service, when Mary Clancey came up to him in tears.

"What's bothering you so, my dear girl?" inquired Farther O'Grady.

"Oh, father, I've got terrible news," replied Mary.

"What is it, Mary?"

"Well, my husband, passed away last night, Father."

"Oh, Mary!" said the father, "that's terrible.  Tell me, Mary, did he have any
last requests?"

"Well, yes he did father," replied Mary.

"What did he ask, Mary?"

"He said, 'Please, Mary, put down the gun....'"

Second note:  A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks
his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential
and reality?"  

His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll display it to you.  Go
ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars.
Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million
dollars. Then come back and tell me what you've learned." 

The kid is puzzled, but he decides to see if he can figure out what his father
means.  He asks his mother, "Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would
you  sleep with Robert Redford?" His mother looks around slyly, and then with
a little smile on her face says, "Don't tell your father, but yes, I would."
Then he goes to his sister's room and asks her, "Sis, if someone gave you a
million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?"  His sister looks up and
says, "Omigod! Definitely!"  

The kid goes back to his father and says, "Dad, I think I've figured it out.
Potentially, we are sitting on two million bucks, but in reality, we are
living with two whores.

Third note: Somebody who will remain anonymous sent me this anecdote.  It's
long, but interesting.

Suzie had a crush on Mikey since she was 15 years old. Mikey never paid Suzie
any attention.  Every year Suzie would try to get Mikey to notice her, but he
just wasn't interested.

Finally, when Suzie turned 18, she began to come of age; and sure enough,
Mikey noticed. Suzie looked so pretty and grown-up that Mikey asked her for a
date for a Friday night. She was so excited all that week, she could hardly
wait for Friday.

Finally, Friday came. As soon as she got home from school, Suzie began getting
ready for her date at 7. She spent four hours on her clothes, hair. and make-
up, wanting everything to be perfect for the night she had waited years for.

Finally, 7 o'clock came around. Looking out the window, she saw Mikey pull up
in his shiny black car. She became so nervous and excited, that she opened the
door before he even got to it. "Hi, Mikey!" she said, nervous as hell; and
Mikey replied, "Suzie you look beautiful!"

Suzie was so pleased when she walked out the door -- then IT hit her. She
realized in horror that she had to FART!! Oh my God she thought, walking
along, what am I going to do?

Being a quick thinker, Suzie got an idea: She would let him open her door for
her, hurry in, fart, and roll down the window real quick; and by the time he
came around and got in, all would be O.K.

So they get to the car, Mikey opens the door, and Suzie gets in. He closes the
door, then she really rips one! She rolls down the window, and sees that he's
just getting around to his door. Relaxing a little now, Suzie smiles at Mikey
as he gets in the car.

Then Mikey turns to her, points to the back seat, and says, "Suzie, I'd
like you to meet my brother Carl and his date."

Fourth note: These reviews now have Story Links in two places: in the index
(Table of Contents) and at the beginning of the actual review.  This placement
makes it as easy as possible for readers to paste the link into a browser and
go directly to the story.  This actually requires some additional effort, and
so I'd like to know whether this is supplying a useful service.

I'd like to thank Sandman for helping me with these links.  Sandman is an
ideal helper.  He does all this drudgery and then THANKS me for letting him do
it.  I feel kinda like when my husband eats my clit for a half hour and then
thanks me for letting him do it - only completely different.

Sandman has also supplied the "Celestial History" notes for each issue.
Sometimes I suspect Sandman knows more about me than I know about myself.

The bad news is that Sandman is getting married in three weeks and will take a
month off for the festivities.  Talk about optimism!  The reason this is "bad"
is that Sandman will be temporarily unavailable for finding Links.  If someone
else would like to volunteer to fill his shoes - actually, we should probably
use a metaphor other than shoes for this newsgroup, but I think I won't go
there - I'd like to hear from you.

Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.

- Celeste

      "The Wife Course" by Nightingale (wife becomes slut) 10, 7, 7
          {Unpublished}

      "The Wedding Conception" by Mon (wedding reception infidelity)
           6, 6, 6
          http://x3.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=326098449

      "The Wedding Conception Retribution" by EzRiter (revenge)
            8, 5, 5
          http://x3.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344151883

      "Winning Denver" by EzRiter (sex slavery) 8, 5, 5
          http://x3.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=346329746

      "Triple Twist" by Kim (sex with a twist) 10, 10, 10
          http://x3.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=345782475

      "Janey's March" by Janey (unconventional conventional sex) 
            10, 10, 10
          http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=346717657 

Guest Reviews: 

      "Harvest Moon" by Crimson Dragon (ff sex) 7.5, 9, 9
          http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344415391

      "Just a Normal Night with Zel" by Steve S (romance) 7
          http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343738949

      "I Always Wanted to Know" by Lace (threesome) 10, 7, 8
          http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=345471957

      "The Ransom" by Stroker Ace (dreamlike bdsm & bestiality)
            8, ,9, 5
          http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=162864948

      "The Dinner" by Suki (exhibitionism) 6.5
          http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=345782485

      "Diana's Slavery" by EzRiter (sex slavery) 5, 5, 4
          http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=346329754

      "Carol's Understanding" By EzRiter (family sex) 8, 6, 2
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=342174326

      "The Bedpost" by Michael K. Smith (sex with a bedpost) 
            10, 10, 10
          http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=346329822

Reposted Reviews:

   * "A Lovely Girl" by Michael K. Smith (rape) 10, 10, 10
          http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=168322476 (*)
          (*) Repost not by author

   * "Neighbors" by Michael K. Smith (romance & emerging
           adolescence) 10, 10, 10
          http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=237574077 (*)
          (*) Repost not by author

   * "The Dare" by Michael K. Smith (emerging adolescence)
           10, 10, 10
          http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=237587408 (*)
          (*) Repost not by author

   * "Until Next Year" by Michael K. Smith (romance)
           10, 8, 6
          http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=237582834 (*)
          (*) Repost not by author

   * "Justice" by Michael K. Smith (child molestation) 
           10, 10, 10
          http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=237573218 (*)
          (*) Repost not by author

   * "Woman2Woman" by Candy Kane (ff computer show sex) 9.27A
          http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=346329700 

   * "Constants" by Friar Dave (Payton Place Redux) 10, 10, 10
          http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=313835490 (*)
          (*) Repost not by Author

   * "Mercedes" by Morgan Preece (slut training) 10, 10, 10
          http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=345702595 

   * "Digger" by Emerson Laken-Palmer (emerging adolescence)
           8, 9, 9
          http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=345706816 (*)
          http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=345706808 (*)
          (*) Repost not by author

========================
On this day in Celestial History..
          Celestial Reviews #78 - April 24, 1996
========================

     * "The Adventures of Me and Martha Jane" by Santo J. Romeo 
            (emerging adolescence and romance) 10, 10, 10
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=297467972 (*)
          (*) Repost not by Author

     * "Infinity" by J.M.  (sexual satire) 10, 10, 10
          http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=192109296

========================

* = Repost of previous review (because the story has recently been
     reposted)

"The Wife Course" by Nightingale (posted by Mr Double
<mrdouble@mrdouble.com>). Nick has married a wife who doesn't like sex.
Duffy, his old girlfriend with whom he broke up because she was oversexed, has
offered to help out.  All Nick has to do is introduce Duffy to Beth and let
the good times roll.

The sex is wild and hot, but I cannot for the life of my figure out WHY Beth
became so interested in sex so suddenly.  Overall, the story was pretty much
like watching a porn movie, where people fuck for no other reason than that's
what the plot calls for.

Ratings for "The Wife Course"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7

"The Wedding Conception" by Mon (posted by dee@onramp.net).{Story Link:
http://x3.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=326098449} 

Our narrator was a virgin bride.  She and her hubby had trouble conceiving a
child - though not for lack of effort.  For reasons of morality and macho
husbandly pride, they have ruled out adoption and artificial insemination.
The doctor tells them they have been trying too hard.  So they decide to
abstain from sex for six weeks and then get pregnant at the wedding reception
of their friend Bob.  On the Day of the Reception, however, Bob has to work
latel and so his wife goes to the reception alone and gets pregnant by his
business rival.

Go figure.  The sex is clearly described, but I didn't find it to be very hot.

Ratings for "The Wedding Conception"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6

"The Wedding Conception Retribution" by EzRiter (ezriter@hotmail.com). {Story
Link: http://x3.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344151883}

This is a follow-up to "The Wedding Conception."  It's really not very much
about sex at all.  Instead, this story simply describes how Bob gets pissed
off and carries out a vendetta against his wife and Steve, who has been
boinking Lisa.  I guess this is the sort of thing an upset man would do when
he has little real personality and no other way to solve his problems.
Personally, I think it would have been more interesting to wall somebody up
alive in a wine cellar or at least tie the victim to a table while a huge ax
swings back and forth on a pendulum, gradually coming closer and closer to the
vital organs of the adulterous asshole.  Naw!  A story like that would never
become popular.

Ratings for "The Wedding Conception Retribution"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5

"Winning Denver" by EzRiter (ezriter@hotmail.com). {Story Link:
http://x3.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=346329746}  

Denver and her husband have run up huge gambling debts during their Honeymoon
in Las Vegas.  As is the custom <!>, the security officer arranges to have
Chet pay off the couple's debts, but then Chet gets Denver as his private
whore for the duration of his stay there.  Since the gambling debts were
Toby's fault and since she likes the adventure of it, Denver really gets into
her role.  Then Chet realizes he has fallen in love with Denver, and so they
arrange to dump Toby and live happily ever after. 

This plot had considerable potential, but I don't think the author handled it
as well as he could have.  Instead of being really sexy and highly creative,
the story came across to me as just slightly sexy and extremely bewildering.
Emotions shifted too quickly and for no apparent reason.  I was left with the
impression that the author had one good idea, then another, then another.  He
tried to put them all together; but finally discovered that this was hard to
do, and so he gave up and posted the story.  It would have been better to work
a little harder and write the really good story that we could have had here. 

Ratings for "Winning Denver"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5

"Triple Twist" by Kim (Ghost@nym.alias.net). {Story Link:
http://x3.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=345782475} 

Here we actually have three discrete short stories.  That last sentence
contains the word "discrete" used correctly for the first time in over
seventy-one days in this newsgroup.  It means that the stories are separate
and distinct from one another.  On the other hand, if the stories were
discreet, that would mean that either the author or the characters in the
stories must have been circumspect in some manner.

Anyway, in "Foreign Customs" the narrator describes the simple complexities of
entering into a romantic relationship with a crown prince.  I suspect Kim had
access to the secret diaries of either Princess Grace or Jackie O to write
this story.  {Which reminds me: do you know how Jackie used to find
Aristotle's cock on dark nights on the yacht?  It wasn't hard.}  All three of
these stories have surprise endings of some sort, and in this one the narrator
discovers what the royal folks really do for sex.

"Would You Hold Her For Me Please?" takes place in a futuristic society.
You'll never guess what the title refers to.  I'll just tell you that it has
nothing to do with anal sex or dingoes.  Actually, there's almost no sex at
all in this excellent story.  I suspect the author stole this plot from a book
on a coffee table when she was doing research on Princess Grace or Jackie O
for the preceding story. 

In "Hotel" the narrator goes to a hotel room to meet a man, and after a few
preliminaries we find her with a Perrier bottle buried completely inside her
pussy while he is fucking her ass. This may sound sexy to you, but it sounded
weird to me.  That's not to say it was a bad story: it was fascinating, but
weird.  I wondered whether people actually did things like this.  I knew the
answer was yes, because a friend of mine who is a nurse in an emergency room
once told me about some of her experiences.  If you think it's embarrassing to
be in an accident with dirty underwear, you can easily imagine how much more
disconcerting it is to wind up in the emergency room with a broken bottle or a
live animal in a really unusual place.  Anyway, as per the theme of this
trilogy, this story has an unusual twist in the end <g>.

Ratings for "Triple Twist"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Janey's March" by Janey (janey98@hotmail.com). {Story Link:
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=346717657} 

If I am not mistaken, this is the first "pen story" I have ever reviewed for
this newsgroup.  Hold it!  Before someone starts up a new category for the
alphabet soup with which authors label their stories, let me add that this is
probably the only pen story that will ever appear on this newsgroup.

Janey and her husband Bob have gone into Boston for a fountain pen convention.
I myself have been to Boston.  In fact, I once ran in a significant annual
road race held in that city.  Bostonians use the word "wicked" as a synonym
for "very" - as in, "That's a wicked nice fountain pen that's leaking all over
your pocket" or "I'm so wicked horny that the crack of dawn isn't safe."
Bostonians are also apt to park their cars in Harvard Yard, but they say it
funnier than I write it.

Anyway, Janey and John have a wicked wild time while their spouses admire the
pens at the convention.

During the seduction, I was impressed. My God, he even does subjunctive, I
thought.  Then Janey herself said, "My God, he does subjunctive, too, I
thought." Men who use the subjunctive appropriately are sexy as hell.  In
fact, had my husband been better at English, he'd have gotten into my pants
much sooner.

"This is happening wicked fast," says Janey. "But, on the other hand, if it
doesn't happen fast, it won't happen at all."  Or to put it more
subjunctively, "If it were done when 'tis done, then 'twere well it was done
wicked quickly."

In the midst of foreplay, Janey reveals her bisexual proclivity: "I like a
nice penis as well as the next woman...."  Freud would be proud of that wicked
mild grammatical ambiguity.

Anyway, they fuck wicked, wicked slowly, while Janey practices her leadership
skills.  {I'm not sure even the guys at Harvard Yard would use two wickeds in
a row like that.}  Then Janey gives John some wicked good advice about how to
bring Marilyn out of her potato patch, as they say somewhere else in the
Western world.  I foresee a plot for Janey's April.

Ratings for "Janey's March"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Harvest Moon" by Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com). Guest review by Nick
(e-mail: Nick@cassandra.demon.co.uk). {Story Link:
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344415391}

Note that 7s are a recommendation to read, while 10s express a willingness to
have parted with money!

I like the idea for this one. Two girls separated by University life get
together under the stars for a night of passion (where is the University of
Waterloo btw?!). There is a strong sense of atmosphere, of life moving on,
here as well as a good feel of romance. The sex scenes too are good, and the
relationship between these two girls enhanced this. One has the feeling that
this is a night that these girls will remember for the rest of their lives.

It was let down by the execution. I almost had the feeling that the story was
separable; you could have taken the sex out and put it in another story, and
similarly with the romantic build up. References to the stars and moon,
perhaps, during the sex scenes, would have maintained continuity.

A touch too much angst too ("Are you sure you want to do this?" they keep
asking each other - come on; its only a little light bondage under the stars,
and we're both gagging for it!)

On first reading I kept having to refer back to remind myself which was Kate
and which was Linda. The characters weren't sufficiently distinctive. This, I
find is a fairly common problem with stories I read, and I had no trouble on
the second reading.

Crimson thanks Munk for proof reading too, but frankly this could have been
better (sorry, Munk!) There were repeated words in sentences and spelling
mistakes which a spell-checker should have picked up. I don't mind this too
much myself, but I know it upsets some.

Finally, I gave this one to my wife to read this morning in bed. Dutifully she
took it from me with an exasperated sigh (she doesn't altogether approve of
all this, you know!). Anyway, to cut a long story short we were up a little
later than usual <grin> (thanks Crimson!) So, high marks for appeal to that
particular reviewer!

Ratings for "Four Seasons: Harvest Moon"
Athena (Technical) 7.5
Venus (Plot and Character) 9
Nick (Appeal to me) 9 ;-)

"Just a Normal Night with Zel" by Steve S (sentualrush@hotmail.com).  Guest
review by Dave Myers. {Story Link:
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343738949}

Do we need another story code? Maybe not; but recently, there has been a flood
of stories of the type that are neither aptly described by "MF rom" nor
"TRUE". I think it's wonderful that by taking a few small liberties with
history, people are able to gratifyingly put down on paper (or more
accurately, record electronically!) the most interesting parts of their sex
lives. The best part is that the quality of the postings in this genre has
risen considerably above the Penthouse forum-esque stuff of a few years ago.
I'm only surprised none of the disclaimers have the irresistible tagline,
"Based on true events".

Synopsis: In "Just a Normal Night with Zel", we start out with a slightly
high-strung teacher who is grading papers while playing a little hard to get
with his lover, Zelia. They wind up in each others' arms before long.

The charm of this snapshot of an evening is in its relative universality for
longtime MF couples. The author conveys a sense of well-trodden ground in the
sexual habits of the characters, and mixes it thoroughly with the messy
details of tension between lovers. This is mid-workweek sex between weary folk
that must contend with getting up in the morning. People who know each other
very well, including those ticks that annoy each other. People who need
somewhat of a catalyst in order for the situation to unfold.

The chief stumbling block in this text is the pacing; the action peaks a
little too soon. The author glides through a great shower sequence without
triteness, then follows up with some less impressive writing during a cock-
sucking interlude, which leads to the substellar final fuck. With a story this
short (about 200 lines), I'm left feeling like I sneezed and missed the
climax.

Rating: 7

"I Always Wanted to Know" by Lace (lacetales@aol.com). Guest review by R'khaan
(rkhaan@ix.netcom.com). {Story Link:
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=345471957}

For a short story, this one by Lace didn't waste much time getting right to
the action.  After leaving the pool, Emily, our narrator returns to her room,
only to find her roommate, Tracy, and Tracy's  boyfriend, Mike, doing the wild
thang.  Tracy commands Emily out of her thong and, seconds later, Emily is
getting eaten out while Mike wails away in Tracy's backside.  And, as you
might expect, everyone cums away happy.

The only thing about these really short stories is you miss out on a lot of
things.  You don't get much background on the characters which doesn't give
you a chance to identify with them (although we can surely identify with
people fuck-ing!).  This short offering does take care of the basics without
being overdone and/or boring.

Ratings for "I Always Wanted to Know"
R'khaan (technical quality): 10
R'khaan  (plot & character): 7
R'khaan (appeal to reviewer):8

"The Ransom" by Stroker Ace (zpariah@aol.com). Guest review by Plainman.
{Story Link: http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=162864948}

This weird story connected to something in my unconscious, and in the end, I
liked something about it. I think of it as a dream sequence, and a kind of
allegory about a controlling man with sadistic impulses that he fears and
can't fully accept. 

I don't know if the author intended that. I think of Stroker Ace as a
straightforward "guy abuses gal" SM writer, which is not generally my genre.
This story looked like one of those, with the added element of bestiality.
Yuck, I thought, and almost just sent it back to Celeste unreviewed. But then
I read it again.. 

The hero's wife is kidnapped, and he is told to pay a ransom of one thousand
dollars; the kidnapper makes vague sexual threats but says he hasn't raped her
yet. Hubby pays up, wondering why the ransom amount was so small, and the
kidnapper tells him he can pick his wife up way out in the Everglades. He
finds her there, standing wrapped only in a sheet, and accompanied by a big
black dog. She seems OK and on the way home, she tells him she wasn't raped,
though the kidnapper stripped her and touched her sexually. Half way home, he
realizes the dog got in the car with them without him noticing. The dog obeys
her command, and by the time they get home, he is thinking maybe they should
keep the dog as a guard dog for her.

But once they are inside and he approaches his wife physically, the dog
threatens him, and then (in a graphically described scene) rapes the wife. At
the end, she tells the husband that the kidnapper trained the dog to have her
whenever it wants. There are lots of realistic details, but overall the story
feels unreal, like a dream sequence.

The interest of the story is in the portrayal of the husband. He is a
possessive jerk. "I had my Stacy back in one piece. Even her chastity was
preserved... The asshole felt her up and looked her over but the fag never
violated her. I could live with that. She was lucky and so was I." Then when
the dog is having sex with his wife, and he is helplessly looking on, he can't
tell if she is being hurt or is enjoying it. Finally she tells him that the
dog's erection swells into a bulb at the end, and "I fill up, tight and
hurting. He could rip me apart unless I move with him." The dog licks her
mouth, and "I don't think that she realized that she returned a quick kiss." 

I thought this was a dark, disturbing, interesting story. Not very sexy, for
me. There are a few grammar glitches, with "lay-lie" and "I-me."

Technical merit: 8
Literary merit: 9
Turn-on factor (purely subjective): 5 

"The Dinner" by Suki (suki@fish.com).  Guest review by Dave Myers. {Story
Link: http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=345782485}

In some disclaimers to her recent re-postings (from the early 90s), Suki
expresses her uncertainty over whether or not her work will appeal to current
readers. Due to the brevity of some of her pieces, she wonders (and so do I)
if readers looking for a quick mental image of eroticism and depravity won't
turn instead to gifs and video clips. Sigh. This view of the world discounts
real creativity, and for the sake of the a.s.s.m community, I hope there is
still an audience for these short takes. When a story is only a page long, the
author has to come up with some pretty creative hooks in order to plant those
mental images deeply.

Synopsis: A woman goes to policeman's ball. Underneath her formalwear, she's
wearing negligee and toting a vibrator in her pussy.

The idea is clever and hot. Unfortunately, Suki never manages to convince me
that this party trick is not terribly uncomfortable for all the walking,
primping, driving, and sitting that her character does. Maybe someone out
there can disprove me. Hmm... Also, I would have liked to have seen more focus
on the feelings of exhibitionism in the situation. 

Rating: 6.5

"Diana's Slavery" by EzRiter (ezriter@hotmail.com). Guest review by R'khaan
(rkhaan@ix.netcom.com). {Story Link:
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=346329754}

This story contains a few things which, in reality, could get a person
arrested just about everywhere in the US, which is probably why it appeals to
some folks.

The character of David, seems to have a major problem with the star of this
story, Diana.  Seems likes the lady is the Grand Poobah of the local Order of
Cock Teasers.  Instead of being put off by her demeanor and just moving on to
greener pastures, David decides to enslave Diana.  Right away, two things
become instantly apparent:  Diana's in deep shit and David is someone who has
major problems with women.

After arriving an hour late for a tutoring session to be given by David, Diana
spends more time teasing the irate David than concentrating on whatever they
were studying.  Finally, David has taken about all he can take and sets his
plan in motion, injecting Diana with some type of paralyzing agent which
leaves her totally at David's mercy.

I'm not sure if what happens next is classic S&M-type stuff, but David goes on
a verbal tirade, humiliating his victim and promising her plenty of pain while
clearly enjoying his moment of triumph.  After copping a few feels and
subjecting Diana to more terror, he ties her up and lets her marinate in her
fear for a while.  Finally, David produces a whip and proceeds to whip the
hapless Diana into total submission.

Of course, the lady's begging and pleading with him, offering him everything
she has, as well as some other girl I assume they both know.  She tries to
bribe him with her coochie and, somewhat out of character, he rejects the
offer.  In a way, the offer does seem hollow, since David already has her
where he wants her.  As you continue to read the story, you just know Diana is
in serious trouble.

But, wait!  We soon discover Diana is down for this type of sex, having gotten
tied to a tree, beaten and then fucked hard by her drunken boyfriend!  A tree?
As it turns out, the boyfriend is totally repulsed after finding out Diana
really got her cookies off and leaves her, which doesn't make sense as he was
the one who tied her to the tree in the first place.

David just happened to come across this scene, explaining how he knew his plan
would work.  Diana, however, appears to be surprised when she realizes David
must have seen this, though I can't imagine why:  If you're tied to a tree,
getting your ass beat and then summarily fucked, it stands to reason someone
is going to see or hear it, right?

The rest of the story is filled with I suppose is routine, beat-that-ass-with-
the whip stuff, and Diana is eventually beaten into submission, loving every
minute of it.  David cuts Diana down, dopes her up again, covers her up and
leaves the Grand Poobah lying unconscious.

Other than the graphic descriptions of Diana's capture and eventual torture,
this reviewer wasn't put off as much by the kidnapping, assault and battery,
possession of controlled substances and a lot more illegal activities along
these lines as he was put off by the author's overuse of ellipses!  I
recommend the author use more commas and/or semi-colons in his/her writing to
assist with the flow of the story.  By overdoing the ellipses, David comes off
as an absentminded maniac with a speech impediment more than he does someone
who wants to humiliate/dominate Diana.

I am pleased to see, however, the author was thoughtful enough to provide a
disclaimer for anyone who reads this work.  I hope the readers take it to
heart.

Ratings for "Diana's Slavery"
R'khaan (technical quality): 5 (too many ellipses)
R'khaan  (plot & character): 5
R'khaan (appeal to reviewer):4

"Carol's Understanding" by EzRiter (posted by dee@onramp.com).  Guest review
by Sandman (sandman@bitsmart.com). {Story Link:
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=342174326}

(To the insipid theme of the Brady Bunch)

Here's a woman with two daughters
And a boss with a really horny son
Each of them had the hots for one another
Why don't this sound like fun?

Well lets start out by, letting mom
Catch her daughter with the boss' randy son
Whip out the ol' trusty hairbrush
And spank him on the bum

Well the boss now, he's not to pleased
But I'm sure an arrangement can be made
See the daughter never got her righteous spanking
And there's a price to be paid.

So the mother, brings her daughter 
To the man she's been scheming to engage
And they all end up doing one another
Until you turn the page.

Then the boss and, the liberal mother
Finally tie the knot in blissful serenity
And what better present for your new hubby
Than the youngest's virginity?

This story, was really silly
And the sex wasn't even very hot
I think it be just dandy
If this was one you dropped.

Oh why, can't I stop?
This review just keeps on going on and on
I think I've just doomed myself
To hear it all day long.

Carol's bunch,  oh Carols bunch
That's the way they became Carol's bunch!  

Ratings for "Carol's Understanding"
Athena (technical quality): 8  -- Average with some mistakes.
Venus (plot & character): 6   -- Plot?  Uninspiring sex.
Sandman (appeal to reviewer): 2  --  Well the review was fun.

"The Bedpost" by Michael K. Smith (mksmith1@bellsouth.net).  Guest review by
Sandman (sandman@bitsmart.com). Story link:
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=346329822

A man and a woman meet in a passionate embrace.  The man lifts the woman high
in his strong arms. They kiss and taste each other's flesh in this highly
erotic scene before the man lowers the woman onto the bedpost.  This gives a
whole new meaning to the term "woody", and I have to admit I was as turned on
as the woman purported to be.  

Nice start. After bringing the woman to orgasm with the bedpost what's left to
do?  My guess would be for the man and woman to go at each other like cats in
heat.  Ah how wrong I was.  From here the story takes a darker, N/C turn.  The
same raw power and dominance that so excited the woman earlier is turned on
her as she's lowered again onto the bedpost for a squeamish anal scene.

This sort of sex is definitely not recommended in real life, one small slip
could literally impale one's partner.  In fact the story ends implying just
that sort of slip, only not so accidental.  

The first part of this story was a major turn-on, the last part of the story
was a suspense filled horror story that had me on the edge of my seat.   The
ending squicked me to no end,  but that did not mean I wasn't affected by the
ending.  I read the last few pages with a mixture of fascination and dread
with ragged breath and my heart pounding in my chest.

Some stories can make you think.  Some stories can make you go "Hmmm."  This
story made me feel and despite the squick factor I enjoyed it.

Ratings for "The Bedpost"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Sandman (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "A Lovely Girl" by Michael K. Smith (mksmith@taproot.win.net). {Story Link:
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=168322476} This is a vivid story about a
homicidal maniac who rapes a thirteen-year-old girl.  The horror continues to
build throughout the story until it reaches its full impact at the very end.
What I truly appreciated about this story is that the author did not pretend
that the little girl enjoyed any part of the experience.

Rating the story was difficult.  Its use of language was excellent; no problem
there - 10.  The plot was exceptionally well developed; again, no problem -
another 10.  But did I like it?  Actually, I was repulsed by it.  I definitely
did not get turned on; and I hated the protagonist.  My fervent hope is that
nothing like the events depicted in this story should ever happen to anyone I
love.  So I didn't like it; but I did ADMIRE it.  It conveyed to me an
accurate description of the mind of a pervert; and I think I'm a better person
because of the experience.  And so, for appeal to reviewer - another 10.

Ratings for "A Lovely Girl"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Neighbors" by Michael K. Smith (mksmith@metronet.com). {Story Link:
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=237574077} Mike lusts after Carol from
afar - from the house next door, that is.  He's divorced, and she has recently
thrown her husband out; and he's beginning to notice more and more how
attractive she is.  One day he finds an excuse to give her a foot rub.  {Now,
you have to understand that for some of us foot rubs are a form of either
masturbation or foreplay.}  He behaves like a perfect gentleman.  Mike and
Carol kiss and neck passionately sans enfuckment and are having a good ole
time - when Carol's 15-year-old daughter comes home early and walks in on them
unexpectedly.

I mention this anecdote with the daughter because it demonstrates the level of
sophistication of the story.  It may be fun to fantasize about humping the
slutty next door neighbor or gang-banging the bus driver or inviting the
daughter to join in for a little incestuous menage a trois; but real life
sometimes diverges from fantasy.  Adults - and especially parents - have to be
responsible as well as sexy.  In this instance, Carol leaves Mike on the
couch, goes to her daughter's room to discuss the matter with her, and then
rejoins Mike for some more romance.  Some readers may find this dull; but I
find this kind of stuff to be very hot - because it more closely resembles
things that I might do in what I would like to think is my own, mature,
responsible life.

Well, actually Carol lets Stephanie watch her making out with Mike.  That
would go beyond my own limits; but I have to admit that I found it to be
extremely erotic.  This is another very good story.  I enjoyed it immensely.

Last week I criticized an author for the improper balance of details - too
much irrelevant and too little relevant detail.  Smith does an excellent job
of supplying the right blend of details.  At times he seems to be off the
subject; but he's really setting up the mood for what he wants us to notice
next.  This story offers a good example of what I am talking about.

* "The Dare" by Michael K. Smith (mksmith@taproot.win.net). {Story Link:
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=237587408} Sixteen-year-old Katie had
defied the school dress standards and had gotten away with it.  She had read
the Rule Book, and it said nothing about how much leg a girl can show.  It
only stated the minimum length of the skirt itself.  Since Katie was tall, a
skirt of the requisite length showed a lot of leg and a bit of ass; and she
enjoyed the opportunity to shock and arouse the boys and teachers.

Having had her fun, Katie mentioned to her friends that the Rule Book also
failed to state that it was necessary to wear underwear.  So she formally
dared her friends to join her in a No Underwear Day.  For complex sociological
reasons no one in the immediate peer group had declined a dare in the six
years since the Rules of the Dare had been formalized, and so No Underwear Day
was formally scheduled.

When the Day comes, Katie is unwilling to just Do It; she must also Take
Risks.  Escalation Station!  The other girls begin to take risks too.  An
interesting story!

Realism check:  when the narrator gives head to the guy in the Journalism lab,
she sucks him deep into her mouth and swallows his cum.  She says she does
this in imitation of what she saw in an X-rated movie.  Right!  The one thing
I have noted about X-rated movies is that nobody ever comes inside anyone.
The actors always shoot their jism all over the face, the buttocks, or the
breasts of their partner - apparently because viewers would be unable to see
this wonderful sight if the penis were buried deep inside an appropriate
receptacle.  Katie and her friends might have learned some interesting things
from that movie, but swallowing male ejaculate would not have been one of
them.

Ratings for "The Dare"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Until Next Year" by Michael K. Smith (mksmith@metronet.com). {Story Link:
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=237582834} The scenario described in this
story takes place in front of a crowd of largely confused people; they don't
quite know what happened.  I feel like a member of that crowd.  A man
(presumably the author himself) is part of a group saying good-bye to a woman
after some unspecified kind of annual gathering in Baltimore.  She is only 34
years old, but has suffered a stoke, from which she has made a surprising
recovery.  She surprises the narrator by giving him an unusually passionate
good-bye kiss.  That's about it; the rest is left to the imagination.

If you're unfamiliar with this author but looking for a hot sex story, you'll
want to skip this one.  If you know the rest of this author's work, you may
want to read this to see what else you can learn about him.

Ratings for "Until Next Year"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6

* "Justice" by Michael K. Smith (mksmith@metronet.com). {Story Link:
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=237573218} When Susan was twelve and just
entering puberty, her father saw her naked one day and came to her in bed that
night.  He told her that here mother no longer took care of his needs and that
he wanted Susan to help out.  Then he fucked her; and it hurt.

Her father had split neatly into two people in her life.  There was her Daddy,
whom she loved, who dropped her off at the school bus stop and helped her with
her homework, and who did nice things with her.  But there was also the man
who came at night whenever the two of them were alone, and put part of his
body inside her body.  When he came, he never struck her, or put the pillow
over her face, or anything so dramatic.  They simply had sex. Both of these
men said they loved her, but she now understood that word to have two
different meanings.  And neither man ever mentioned the other. It never
occurred to Susan to say anything about their relationship to her mother or to
anyone else.  She simply got used to the visits and outwardly accepted them. 

This is a very realistic description of typical pedophile activity.  It is not
as enjoyable as the stories that describe "family fun" as a neat way for
children to grow up.  I want to remind you that I have given high ratings to
well-written stories that present sex between adults and children in a much
more pleasant light than this one.  I mention that because I don't want to
sound overly moralistic in this review.  All I am saying is that I have known
lots of children who were sexually abused, and this story comes closer than
any other I have seen to describing the TYPICAL reaction of a child who is
coerced into having sex with her father. This story is not a turn-on - even
though it does have a "happy" ending; but I urge you to read it anyway.  It's
one of the best stories I have ever seen on this newsgroup.

Ratings for "Justice"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Woman2Woman" by Candy Kane  (GQKZ45C@prodigy.com). {Story Link:
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=346329700} "Woman2Woman" is a fun read,
zippy and straightforward, with few distractions to pull you away from the
story of the seduction of one woman by another.  Christine and Laura are sales
reps at a computer show, and meet each other while standing on the floor for
10 hours fending off propositions from men. At one point in the shared cab
ride back to the hotel, Christine, the narrator, asks ""Is getting laid the
only reason these guys come here?" This is one of the few distractions,
because the answer, obviously, is "yes." I've been to computer shows.

The girls retreat to their hotel rooms, wherein Laura offers to give Christine
a massage to relieve her stress. You'll be shocked to find out that they both
end up nude, make gentle love with one another, and spend the next several
days sneaking kisses in the employee lounge, squatting at the display to show
each other their pussies, and generally having a lovely time.

The plot is not complicated, and it's been done before, but then haven't they
all? "Woman2Woman" suffers only from a half-dozen obvious editing errors, such
as "positioning her bare legs on each side of my." My what? And there are
words that the spell check thought were OK, but a quick proofreading would
have caught, such as "spend" for "spent." OK, it's niggling, but if I didn't
catch at least a couple of grammatical errors, I wouldn't be doing my job as a
reviewer, right?

I give "Woman2Woman" a "9.27A" rating on the open ended "Verschlumpt" scale, a
logarithmic evaluation schedule I've designed based on plot, sexuality,
spelling, taste, today's Dow Jones results and other logical factors such as
whether it's Tuesday or not.

{end of review}

* "Constants" by Friar Dave (friar_dave@mhbbs.com).  {Story is sometimes
spelled "Constance" in the title line.} {Story Link:
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=313835490} There are certain things one is
not supposed to enjoy thinking about, especially if one is a demure, respected
English teacher and mother of two fine young girls, even if one moonlights as
a reviewer of smut for an Internet newsgroup.  But as much as I hate to admit
it, I enjoyed this story.

Mind you - I do NOT think behaviors like those in this story are socially
responsible, and I would recommend very strong penalties (including summary
defenstration) for any adults fooling around with kids this way; but this
story certainly did give me a tingle in a nice place - as well as having an
indirect effect on my husband's late-night happiness.  In real life, I would
urge people who feel the urge to do things like this to see a counselor, go to
church more often, or sublimate by masturbating to the work of their favorite
a.s.s. author.

The story focuses on what I would call a couple of really dysfunctional
families - husbands and wives who are dissatisfied with each other, kids whose
parents have lost contact with them, and people with value systems that have
undergone serious deterioration.  In other words, the kind of people we find
on American soap operas and in the royal families of Europe.

You see - the title is a pun.  "Constants" are things that stay the same
across time or across situations.  Constance is also the name of the main
character in the story.  The words are homonyms: they sound alike.  You'll
have to read the story to find out what this has to do with fucking the
neighbor boy while his father is watching through a telescope and then
screwing the owner of the local restaurant while one's husband is breaking up
with his mistress and getting fucked by a local teenager while he's recovering
from a drinking binge.  And that's just for starters.

It's a sad world in which Constance lives; but everybody is too busy screwing
everybody else to survey their dismal situation.  I like to say that bit about
"surveying the dismal situation," because one of my English teachers told me
those were the worst combination of words John Milton ever wrote.  I just
wanted this review to end on an up note by pointing out that on his worst day
this author can write better than John Milton on his best day.  Talk about
dysfunctional people....

Ratings for "Constants"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Mercedes" by Morgan Preece (zanna@whoever.com). {Story Link:
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=345702595} The narrator is a gigolo, I
suppose; he hangs onto his piece of life by latching onto older women, who
like him for his good looks and the sex he is able to throw their way.  As he
says, " Sex is all in the mind anyway and I approached each woman as an
intellectual puzzle subject to physical manipulation, like one of those
multicolored cubes.  But things begin to change one day when he tries to
seduce a rich woman who drives a Mercedes.  He finds himself trapped,
enslaved; and he undergoes experiences that had never even occurred to him
before.

I usually don't like sex-slavery stories or those that involve piercing and
diapers; but I did enjoy this story.  It's hard to explain.  I recommend you
check it out for yourself.

Ratings for "Mercedes"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Digger" by Emerson Laken-Palmer (Reposted by who@why.not). Guest review by
Jim Fix. {Story Link: See TOC.}

A teenager vacations with his family and a friend on the shore of Lake Erie.
He takes a friend as a companion and their adventures provide the framework
for the story. Like many post-pubescent boys, the main character has a
monomania: losing his virginity. He feels this is an opportunity to accomplish
his goal, and his far more accomplished friend will help in his quest. They
meet a group of Canadian teenagers, and the story takes off from there.

The author is a good storyteller and overall I liked "Digger". I could fault
the grammar, but grammar should never get in the way when telling a story.
What did detract from the story was the writer's references to booze. Bombay
Gin drank straight from the bottle? Almost instant recovery from a drunken
stupor? Not in my experience. What the characters were doing - not the brand
of booze - was important. When the action is down to the final stages of
undressing who cares about the pedigree of the gin; it is sufficient to say,
"She took a swig from a bottle of gin." and get on with the point of the
story. The ending is worth the time spent reading this story. The few faults
are more than offset by the ending, which I found both true to life and very
entertaining.

Ratings for "Digger"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

* "The Adventures of Me and Martha Jane" by Santo J. Romeo
(73233.1411@compuserve.com). {Story link:
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=297467972}

I first reviewed this story in CR 18, which was posted on September 9, 1995.
At that time I gave it a 5.  It was a good story, I said; but I was genuinely
pissed off because it just ended in the middle of nowhere.  I further refused
to read any more parts of the story until the author would assure me that he
was finished.  I was tired of this neverending story crap.

Well, the author has finished the story, and it has been worth the wait. I saw
a message on a.s.s. that compared the author to Harold Robbins. That
evaluation is not far from the mark.

The narrator is presumably a man in his fifties, retelling a story of his
youth.  At the beginning of the story, the 6-year-old Steven (Speedy) harbored
a wonderful, non-sexual admiration for Martha Jane, who was nine years older;
and she showed a reciprocal respect for him. The two lived next door to each
other in a federal housing project around 1950 and shared a common front
porch.  The focus of the story is the maturation and fulfillment of their
relationship.

Although the early lines of this story hint of sexual activity, the first
several paragraphs are devoted to demonstrating that the protagonist of the
story was a precocious child - not a sexually precocious child, but a run-of-
the-mill precocious child.  This full-life focus continues throughout the
story, and it emphasizes that the hero and Martha Jane should be regarded as
whole persons, not as simple sex objects.  The development of non-sexual
aspects helps set this story in a truly rich and interesting psychological and
emotional environment.  The story is one of the longest coherent stories I
have seen on this newsgroup, but it is also
one of the best.

Certainly there is moral ambiguity in the story.  For example, near the
beginning the mother tells the young Steven that pregnant women get that way
by eating too many popsicles and that babies come from storks. Shortly
thereafter, Martha Jane corrects this stupid explanation by playing with his
penis to give him a hard-on, while giving him an accurate biological account
of the facts of life.  If I had a son, I wouldn't try either of these
approaches to sex education.  It's interesting that normal society rejects
Martha Jane's approach - to the extent that Redbook and the Sunday supplements
would never even consider publishing an account
like this without labeling Martha Jane a pervert; but sitcoms routinely laugh
about the mother's explanation.

I'm running the risk of preaching to the choir here: most readers of this
review are likely to be predisposed to want to like a story like this.  On the
other hand, large numbers of equally civilized readers outside a.s.s. would
react to this story as an example of perversion.  Most of us will counter by
describing these people as sexually repressed puritans.  And so forth.  I
think we should be willing to simply admit but tolerate the moral ambiguity of
the story.  It's fiction and it's interesting.  There's nothing perverse in
setting aside our moral scruples and enjoying a good story.  Millions of
American high schoolers are required every year to read Edgar Alan Poe's tale
about a pervert who tears the heart out of an old man and buries it under the
floorboards in his house.  We practically require these students to set aside
moral scruples and to enjoy the beauty of this atrocity.  I'm not recommending
that we make "Martha Jane" part of the sophomore curriculum; I simply think
adult readers can set aside moral reactions long enough to enjoy this story
without taking a position that it would be "better" if all children grew up
this way.

When I myself was a young baby-sitter, I did not give head to any of the
children I cared for; and I would hope that my own daughters likewise refrain
from that practice.  The psychologists and counselors who suggested to the
narrator later in his life that this activity was abnormal are quite likely
right (although, again, these sages would simply laugh about the goofy
explanations of sexuality given by the mother and other adults.).  It would be
much better for little boys to receive accurate answers from their own parents
and for young baby-sitters to have internalized a code of ethical conduct that
enables them to understand their own and their clients' emerging sexuality and
to rule out genital contact without resorting to primitive mythologies.  But
that still doesn't make this a bad story.  One of my own favorite novels is
Betty Smith's "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn."  I would never raise my own children
the way those children grew up in that story, but it's still a good novel (and
an excellent movie).

Again, I'm probably preaching to the choir.  But someone is surely going to
label this story "pedophilia."  There are legitimate gripes against many
pedophile stories; they essentially recommend the adoption of lifestyles that
would be destructive to children.  What we need to do is acknowledge that some
stories that describe genital activities with children have the potential to
be destructive - especially those that are simply unrealistic or that promote
the exploitation of children.  On the other hand, other stories that describe
genital activity with or among children are either harmless or actually have
the potential to lead to
moral or emotional growth among readers.  To take a sexually-related analogy,
there are numerous examples of books and movies about adults having affairs.
Some of these are badly written or stupidly conceived and seem to have as
their only goal to degrade the value of marriage and other permanent
relationships.  On the other hand, many of these books and movies are well
conceived and have the overall effect of enabling us to understand human
emotions - and, indeed, marriage and other permanent relationships - more
perfectly.

Although the most important aspect of this story is the sexual relationship
between the narrator and Martha Jane, it's not really a sex story.  Rather,
it's a story about the emotional development of two young people.  Less than a
third of the lines in the story are even remotely devoted to their sex lives.
The non-sex scenes are extremely realistic and vivid, giving us information
needed to understand the background and personalities of the two main
characters.

If a reader wants a source of information about how much fun it would be to
have sex with a precocious little kid, this would be a good story for that
purpose - although all the details about the child's emotions would probably
be viewed as distracting.  However, I really don't think this was the author's
purpose.  On the other hand, if a person (like myself) is reading this story
to obtain sensitive insights into the personalities of two young people as
they mature sexually and emotionally, this is a good source for serious
reading.

Ratings for "Martha Jane"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Infinity" by J.M. (LlIIllII).  {Story link:
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=192109296}

Educators consider it to be a good thing when their students integrate their
school knowledge with their real lives.  That's why math teachers would be
impressed with this story.  The narrator of this story had a custom of rating
a particular part of a girl's anatomy on a numerical scale based on how many
months he could keep its image clearly in his head while masturbating. He
rated Naomi's tits a 2 and Betsy's underpants a 1. Maybe someday, he
fantasized, he'd see an Infinity -  something so hot,  so sexy, that even if
he were shipwrecked on a desert island, he'd be able to jerk off thinking
about it for the rest of his life.  Hence, the title of this story.  His old
record was a six for Mrs. Patterson; but that's another story

The young narrator has liberal, progressive parents - the kind Drs. Spock and
Ruth would be proud of.  When they found him masturbating at age 10, they
explained to him that masturbation was normal, as long as he did not do it
publicly or too often.  The term "too often" set a high upper limit.  It was
like telling him not to have too much fun or not to fuck a girl who's too sexy
- there ain't no such thing!

With his parents' approval the kid used to jerk off every morning before
breakfast.  One morning the poor lad was having trouble - the mental imagery
just wasn't working; and so his mom stepped into the room and gave him a
boost.  Things worked themselves out quickly, so to speak. Coincidentally,
that very day Mr. Dulles (also known as Mr. Dullest) discussed Infinity in
math class.  Because of his pre-breakfast adventures, our hero understood the
concept better than most of the other students.

Dad met Eternity shortly after his son discovered Infinity.  He died in a
traffic accident.  He lost control of the car and crashed into an abutment
because he got a little too excited while masturbating behind the wheel.  MAMD
- Mothers Against Masturbating Drivers - would not like that part of the
story; or maybe they WOULD like it, since it shows what can happen to guys who
let masturbation get out of hand.  MAROP - Mothers Against Really Old Puns -
wouldn't like that last sentence at all.

The story has a surprise ending, which I won't disclose to you.

My main difficulty with the story was with some of the strange characteristics
in the text I downloaded.  There was a large O with two or three dots, which I
think stood for ellipses.  There was an I with an accident mark, which I think
was a fancy apostrophe - except that in some chapters the apostrophes were
omitted completely.  I have seen these characters before, and I have been told
that they occur because the author is using "higher ASCII characters," which
do not automatically occur on all word processors.  My problem is this: even
though my word processor (Word 6.0) CAN deal with them, they get lost in the
translation somewhere on the Internet.  My advice to authors is to avoid using
these characters.  Since authors will ignore this perfectly sensible advice,
my
recommendation to readers is to use a global change strategy to get rid of
these unintelligible characters.  For example, you could load all five parts
of this story into a single file, move your cursor to the beginning, select
the "i" with the accent mark, copy it, go into your replace function, paste
the strange sample into the "replace what" area, type an ordinary apostrophe
into the "replace with" area, and then choose "replace all."  By doing this
with about five weird characters - actually I think I reviewed a story
recently about somebody doing something else with about five weird characters
- by doing this with about five weird textual characters you can make the text
readable.

I spontaneously interpreted this story as satire - kind of like "Cat Ballou"
or "Naked Gun 69."  The author has a really interesting style.  He pulls
absolutely outlandish ideas out of nowhere.  In the past I have speculated
about authors being someone else reincarnated.  It is not necessary to conjure
up reincarnation to explain the true authorship of this story.  If you really
want to know about it, this story is obviously written by J.D. Salinger, who
is now 77 years old, living in New England (where this story takes place), and
reliving his further adolescent fantasies through cyberspace on
alt.sex.stories.

I think that if Zeno would have had access to this story, he would have had
another paradox about Infinity.  Approach this story as excellent satire, and
have fun.

Ratings for "Infinity"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
