Celestial Reviews 108 - Aug 14, 1996

Note:  Correspondents often express to me the wish that they could find 
the better stories on this newsgroup more easily.  The often say that 
my reviews are helpful, but they have trouble finding the stories that 
I review.  The especially have problems with the stories on my monthly 
Top 15 lists.

There are several solutions:

1.  The authors could repost the stories.  (Several authors do so 
whenever their stories make the Top 15 list.  I certainly appreciate 
this.)

2.  Readers could use search engines on the WWW that find previously 
posted Usenet entries.  Two good services are Deja News and 
reference.com, which I have often cited in my notes and in my FAQ.  

3.  Authors could post their stories on their own home pages.  (A 
growing number of the best authors are beginning to do this.  I post my 
current list of home pages at least once a month.)

4.  Someone could offer a service that would archive the monthly Top 
Ten lists, the reviews of those top stories, and the stories 
themselves.  This has been suggested several times.  At the present 
time I have an offer from an enthusiastic person who says he will help 
someone perform this service, but he has no money to spend on such a 
project.  I have no idea what this would cost.  If someone is willing 
to supply the site, I’ll put that person in touch with the volunteer 
who contacted me.  Incidentally, I assume that this project would be 
carried out in compliance with whatever laws apply.  {My own public 
service is limited to writing these reviews.  This sounds like a good 
idea, and I will cooperate to implement; but someone else will have to 
bring this to fruition.}  A similar service already exists for my Top 
100 Stories of 1995 (http://proffa.cc.tut.fi/~k113973/).

5.  In addition, I think the BackDrop (http://www.fantasies.com.) 
currently makes available all of my reviews plus a large number of the 
stories.  That organization mails individual stories to non-members on 
a request basis.

I’ll post in a CR Note any information that develops with regard to 
this topic.

Second Note:  I’d like to express my appreciation to the person who 
passed along my question to Deb Atwood regarding “Churche House.”  
Although that story was posted as “Chapter 1” in the THC Archives, it 
has only one chapter.  Since my rating of that story was negatively 
influenced by the fact that I thought part of it was missing, I’ve 
raised the rating to 10, 10, 9.5.

- Celeste

      “Just Reading News” by Mary Anne Mohanraj (cybersex & 
            masturbation) 10, 10, 10
      “Blindfold” by Unknown Author (bdsm) 10, 6, 10
      “Pleasure Delayed, But Not Denied” by Steve R (wartime
            sex) 9, 8, 8
      “Afternoon Encounter” by Steve R. (quickie) 8, 4, 4
      “Supergirl” by Ann Douglas (superhero sex) 9, 10, 10
      “SNIP!” by Vickie Tern (transgender chicanery) 10, 10, 10
      “The Anatomy Lesson” by Michael Dagley (emerging
            adolescence) 10, 10, 10
      “Dyke Crossing” by Mark Aster (lesbian & group sex)
            10, 10, 10
      “Brown Nosing” by Phil Phantom (fun-loving incest and
             child molestation) 9.5, 9.5, 10

“Just Reading News” by Mary Anne Mohanraj (moh2@midway.uchicago.edu).  
The narrator is a woman much like many of those reading this review 
right now.  She has worked hard all day; she has dealt with the normal 
turn-ons and turn-offs of life; and now she is comfortably seated in 
front of her computer, reading a.s.s. stories and playing her furry 
fiddle.  She even dresses carefully for the occasion - silk and lace, 
the perfect combination of smoothness and roughness for stimulating the 
ole fun hole.

I imagine there are even some guys out there who likewise take matters 
into their own hands or take the monster for a one-armed ride while 
they read these stories.  There isn’t really that much to this story - 
just a woman getting high on life until her nosy roommate gets home in 
another hour or so.  Try it, you’ll like it.  You, of course, have the 
advantage of these fine reviews to help separate the wheat from the 
chaff and get straight to the high-quality, orgasm-inducing smut.

Ratings for “Just Reading News”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

“Blindfold” by Unknown Author.  I found this short piece listed in the 
THC archives as “Blindfold (Prelude).”  As the author says, this should 
really be part of a longer piece, but I think that it also works on 
it's own as a sort of vignette. The author says that he/she is not sure 
whether to persevere with it, or
to bury it quietly. The author asks what we readers think; but someone 
has kindly stripped away any identification of the author, and so it is 
impossible to respond personally to that question.

I have commented many times that I dislike bdsm stories in which one 
person is cruel to another.  On the other hand, I enjoy bondage stories 
in which a woman (for example) turns over control of her body and her 
emotions to another person, who delights in making his lover happy.  
The full story into which this vignette would be inserted could go 
either way; but as I read it I imagined my lover approaching my bound 
and blindfolded body and doing wonderful things to it - often things 
that I might be hesitant to do if the choice were left entirely to 
myself.  This brief passage does an excellent job of making me feel 
that I know just what the blindfolded woman feels like, as she awaits 
what will happen next.

Yo!  Whoever you are - wherever you are - go ahead and write the rest 
of the story!  And call it to my attention when you post it.  You are 
an excellent writer.

Ratings for “Blindfold”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

“Pleasure Delayed, But Not Denied” by Steve R (burrito@mc.net).  The 
author is reposting a set of stories labeled “Shower Tales.”  The title 
refers to the notion that the stories describe some of his favorite 
thoughts when he is alone in the shower.  This one is labeled “Shower 
Tales - Candy” after the female protagonist.

Candy is a 16-year-old in a Vietnam-era military family.  The narrator 
meets her and briefly necks with her (mutual hand jobs) in the United 
States but doesn’t see her again till they meet in Thailand, where she 
is a welcome relief from the local whores.  Their first sex is 
unsatisfying to Candy, because the soldier is concerned about 
withdrawing before ejaculation, so that he won’t get her pregnant.  
Since she very much wants to be in control, he kindly allows her to 
give him a blow job in the shower, during which she takes all the 
initiative.

Many readers are impressed by the notion that a story is verbatim true; 
I am more impressed with plot management.  This was a decent story, but 
I would have liked to see more of a focus, rather than a preoccupation 
with getting all the details correct.  I guess it’s nice that all this 
stuff really happened; but “Supergirl” (reviewed below), which is 
presumably fiction, is a lot more erotic story.

Ratings for “Pleasure Delayed, But Not Denied”
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

“Afternoon Encounter” by Steve R. (burrito@mc.net).  The guy goes to 
see a girl at the hotel; they get undressed and fuck; and he squirts 
cum all over the place.  That’s about it.  This is another story in the 
same series as the preceding one - labeled “Shower Tales - Rory.”  I 
guess if you’re interested in the Complete Works of Steve R. this story 
might be more impressive.  My reaction was, “Why bother posting 
something with so little plot development?”

Ratings for “Afternoon Encounter”
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 4
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4

“Supergirl” by Ann Douglas (AnnD55@Pipeline.Com).  This is a nice, 
romantic story about the budding relationship between the Woman of 
Steel and Susan Wienczorkowski, an officer on the Metropolis Special 
Crimes Unit.  Through a flashback we learn that Kara (Supergirl) had 
been in love with a young man on her planet before it was destroyed and 
she alone escaped to earth.  Kryptonians made no clear distinction 
between straight and gay sexual behavior; and it now seemed reasonable 
and extremeley pleasant to fall in love with the police officer.

At first I had a tendency to look for anomalies in the story.  For 
example, when Susan took Kara out for dinner, nobody in the restaurant 
recognized Kara as Supergirl.  These people, I said to myself, must 
have an amazing figure-ground problem.  Maybe Kara wore glasses to the 
restaurant - the glasses always kept Lois Lane from figuring out that 
Clark Kent was Superman.  However, as I got more involved in the story 
I found it to be a thoroughly enjoyable romantic story.  I strongly 
recommend it.

Ratings for “Supergirl
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

“SNIP!” by Vickie Tern (VickieTern@aol.com).  Men are often such anti-
intellectuals.  Why would an educated man skip past this story and 
instead read one entitled “Drunk Guys Fuck GirlS with big Tits in the 
Ass”?  I suppose it has something to do with the legendary male fear of 
castration.  I assure you men that this review will be harmless.  For 
now, assume that the STORY may give you castration nightmares; but my 
review will be friendly - even humorous and enlightening, perhaps.  
Nothing will happen to your goddam balls while you read this review.  I 
promise.  So relax.

First let me share with you what my encyclopedia tells us about 
castration. Castration is the surgical removal of one or both testicles 
of a male person or animal in order to suppress the development or 
function of the sexual glands. Male farm animals are castrated, or 
gelded, in order to improve the breed or make the animals more docile; 
house pets may be castrated to keep them from wandering or producing 
unwanted offspring.

The practice of castrating human males is an extremely old one. In 
imperial China and other Oriental empires castrated men known as 
eunuchs occupied important court positions, and in Europe in the 16th 
to the 18th century male singers were sometimes castrated before 
puberty so that they would retain a soprano or alto vocal range. {The 
term Unix is pronounced exactly the same as “eunuchs.”  The fact that 
programmers typically see nothing funny when they say, “My job is to 
take care of the Unix system” shows either an unfamiliarity with the 
English language or an abysmal absence of humorous insight among these 
poor drudges.}

Nowadays castration may be performed on men with cancer of the prostate 
or certain diseases of the testicles. If the operation is done after 
puberty, it produces sterility but has little or no effect on secondary 
sex characteristics.  There; that wasn’t so bad was it?  Well, actually 
Freudian psychoanalysts think it IS pretty bad.  In fact, they have 
coined a term called the “castration complex” to refer to the notion 
that a child may feel that he or she will be or has already been 
genitally mutilated as a punishment for sexual and aggressive desires.  
{As I’ve said before, Mr. Rogers of the famous television Neighborhood 
has a song about this childhood problem.}  If these and other complexes 
remain unresolved and persist into adult life, they can produce 
disturbances in the person's love relationships and ability to work 
productively.  No wonder you guys feel anxious when you look at this 
title.  That exclamation point doesn’t exactly alleviate your anxiety, 
does it?  SNIP!

Now on to the present story.  Aurora and the male narrator come 
together frequently to fuck like rutting rabbits and to play delightful 
little games, like languorous courtesan, Amazon princess, bitch in 
heat, and stallion (not one of Aurora’s favorites).  Aurora also enjoys 
snippety snip, which involves hacking away (with the fingers as 
imaginary scissors) at hair, clothing, and other needless appendages in 
the region of her lover’s groin.  When he objects to this as even an 
imaginary activity, Aurora asks him why he is concerned. After all, he 
doesn’t really need his testicles. He doesn’t intend to have more kids.  
She certainly doesn’t want children. So why keep the testicles? They're 
in the way when he jogs or plays tennis or does anything healthy, 
bouncing, and jouncing. When he’s Aurora’s captive maiden in her 
dungeon, they ruin the view; and anyone can put him into agony by 
punching or kicking him in the balls.  And, she might add, according to 
my encyclopedia, if the operation is done after puberty, it has little 
or no effect on secondary sex characteristics.

Aurora has been to a detailed sex education class.  They didn’t teach 
me this stuff in the ninth grade.  Actually, they didn’t teach me some 
of this stuff until right now.

At Aurora’s urging, the narrator undergoes surgery in which he 
mistakenly thinks he will get a practically permanent hard-on; whereas 
in fact he is really undergoing castration.  During a crucial point in 
the story he asks the doctor, “Will it always be hard?” The doctor 
answers, “No, it gets easier with time.” I always urge my students not 
to use “hard” when they really mean difficult.  Following my teaching 
would have been useful here.  Ooops!  The poor guy was too far gone 
from the anesthesia to deal with grammatical niceties.  

Hear that, guys? You’ve got to make English grammar automatic in your 
personal lives.  Otherwise, you might get your balls cut off.

A further grammatical lesson ensues.  Near the end of the surgery, the 
guy wonders if the doctor has cut his cock off.  The doctor reassures 
him: "I'm taping your penis to one side, to keep it out of the way 
until the wound heals. There's a catheter in it now, so you won't need 
to pee. I'll remove it tomorrow before we discharge you." Grammar 
problem:  What’s the antecedent of “it”?  The doctor looks up and 
smiles. "I mean remove the catheter, of course! My but your pulse 
jumped when I said that! No, this is only an orchiectomy."  

When the guy comes out of the anesthesia, Aurora is at his side. 
"Aurora, do you know what they did?" he asks. "SHE did, dear. It's a 
very simple operation, and doesn't really need a team.” Aurora really 
knows her grammar!  And you guys thought this story would scare you!  
There’s nothing scary about good grammar.

Back to the story.  The guy soon realizes that what’s done is done.  
All the resentment in the world won't bring his testicles back. As the 
saying goes, “There’s no use crying over snipped off testicles.”  The 
doctor has done what she thought he wanted, and had asked him twice, 
and he had signed for the operation . He just hadn't picked up on her 
cues while they were talking.  Need I say more about the value of the 
skills learned in a high school English class?

Now, let’s see what you have learned.  The next day the doctor visits 
her patient and says, “Your body's manufacturing traces of the hormones 
you need to maintain firm skin texture, and other sex characteristics, 
and above all to maintain sexual desire. But not enough. In a few days 
you'll lose all interest in that part of life, when what's there now is 
used up. So we need to replace the hormones your testicles once 
manufactured with the other kind right away. You understand this, don't 
you?"  Now, what question should this guy ask the doctor before he 
gives an affirmative answer?  That’s right!  He needs to ask if the 
continued therapy is going to give him MALE or FEMALE hormones.  To put 
it another way, he needs to verify that he and the doctor are on the 
same page of the program; and with his track record so far, he should 
be skeptical.  {If you answered that the patient’s next question should 
be “Is this going to be covered by insurance?”, you would be right, of 
course - but that answer would be more appropriate for an economics 
class.}

If all this worries you guys, just look for a girl who has a harmless 
hobby - like cow tipping - instead of castration.  Even defenstration 
might be better than castration, unless she lives above the third 
floor.

I don’t want to ruin the ending for you.  As you may know, this author 
always has logically complete and happy endings - at least they’re 
happy if you buy into the right perspective - and, of course, if you 
can handle the grammar.  

I personally think this is the best Vickie Tern story I have yet read.  
And that’s saying a lot!

Ratings for “SNIP!”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

“The Anatomy Lesson” by Michael Dagley (dagley@soho.ios.com).  From 
time to time I reach the conclusion that since so many authors send me 
their stories before posting them I must by this time know all the good 
authors on this newsgroup.  Therefore, I tell myself, there is no need 
to go through all those other postings that are probably a waste of 
time anyway.  Fortunately, I ignore my own advice, and that’s how I 
find excellent stories like this one.

This story is about a 17-year-old English boy who has grown into 
adolescence almost completely isolated from peers - and especially from 
girls.  His strict parents have dispassionately and sternly instilled 
in him a “good education”; but he knows only theoretical information.  
For example, he has been forced to memorize the names and locations of 
all the parts of the human body (including the reproductive organs of 
both males and females), but he has no clear idea how they all function 
or why anyone would want them to function.  Then his elderly nurse and 
tutor, Moni Brunner, who was also his best and only friend, dies.  Her 
replacement is Moni’s granddaughter, Rafael, who is much closer to 
Gordon’s own age.  Although she is herself inexperienced with men, she 
decides during their first lesson together to teach him (1) the 
practical use of his theoretical information about reproductive organs 
and (2) the meaning of desire.

I assured my husband that he would like this story; but I insisted that 
he read it aloud with his hands behind his head, while I did the things 
that Rafael did in the story.  I guess you’ll have to read the story to 
understand this.

This was an exceptionally well written story.  I hope to see a lot more 
by this author.

Ratings for “The Anatomy Lesson!”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

“Dyke Crossing” by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com)  Mike is a lesbian with an 
interesting tatoo: a voluptuous naked woman, ankles crossed and thighs spread 
wide, her head just below Mike's breasts.  Mike's navel is the tatoo’s vagina.  
I guess it would be kinda hard to avoid noticing that needlework.  Anyway, Our 
Hero is rebeffed when he tries to strike up a conversation with her by means 
of a cheap pickup line; but then Pat shows up, recognizes her, and invites 
Mike home to get reacquainted.  While Pat and Mike do it ff on the couch, Our 
hero and Julie (Pat’s younger sister) go at in on the floor or the dining room 
table or someplace.  Since Julie’s body is blocking Our Hero’s view, Julie 
narrates a description of what Pat and Mike are doing.  This is really pretty 
hot stuff.  Those hedonists sure can be happy people!

Unless I have miscounted, Mark Aster has now written 42 stories, all of 
them very good.  I hear constant complaints about the low quality of 
stories on this newsgroup.  Mark’s stories themselves help refute that 
criticism: you just have to look a little harder to find the good 
stories.  As you may know, I post a list of what I consider to be the 
Fifteen Best Stories every month.  What impresses me the most is that 
this story won’t even make this month’s list!  I say this not to 
denigrate Mark’s story.  I really liked the story. Part of the reason 
I’m leaving this one off the list is because Mark has been on the list 
so often already.  The reason I mention this current omission is to 
suggest that there are at least other fifteen stories out there this 
month that might be even better than this one!  And they’re all free 
for the taking!

Ratings for “Dyke Crossing”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

“Brown Nosing” by Phil Phantom.  In this EBS repost the man has just 
gotten a job, but he had left his wife and family behind in the room 
with the boss during the final interview.  The boss fondled the man’s 
daughter; and the man’s son became turned on and began fondling the 
mother.  The third child became so excited that “she didn’t know who to 
watch.”  That should be “whom,” of course.  Some of these authors get 
so excited that they screw the hell out of their pronouns as soon as 
their homones get going.

A lot of readers enjoy blackmail and pedophile stories; and this one 
combines both.  I usually don’t like either element, but I enjoyed this 
one largely because of the grotesque perspective.  We see the first 
part of the story from the viewpoint of the father, who re-enacts 
everything that happens while his wife tells him about it.  The 
storytelling style is most interestng; it reminded me of the old Bert 
and Ernie sequence from Sesame Street (“Did anything interesting happen 
today?” “Nope.”  “How did you tear your shirt pocket?”  “Oh, that 
happened when I was running too fast through the door at the circus... 
after Johnny said we had better go home... after the tent started to 
collapse... after the mime started yelling and screaming.... because 
the door to the lion cage had come open... after the tiger devoured the 
trainer... right after his partner had been shot by the homicidal 
maniac who was using me as a human shield... But don’t worry; the swat 
team shot him.... right after he threw the hand granade down my 
pants.... ) Actually, the Sesame Street version was a little different, 
but the idea is that the wife casually describes to the husband 
increasingly outrageous activities; and the guy just listens, tries the 
ideas out on his wife, makes her cum, and then says he’ll have to have 
a talk with the kids.

Of course, if this would happen to you and your family in real life, 
you should go straight to a good lawyer. Make that an expensive lawyer 
- they’re easier to find.  The lawyer will fill you in on the details 
regarding how you can become immensely rich by suing the bastard for 
child molestation.

But there’s more!  After dropping Dad off at home, Mom goes back to get 
the kids at the movies.  She wants to have a talk with them - to make 
sure they don’t lose respect for her, of course.  So while they’re 
driving home, the kids essentially gang rape her with hand jobs in the 
moving car.  They even argue over who gets what.  During a typical 
American car trip, when the children argue and get out of hand, the 
mother usually screams “Shuddup, you little motherfuckers!”  I suppose 
that would have been ironic under these circumstances.

But there’s more!  Eventually the boss starts making night calls to the 
family’s house and brings clients to go into the girl’s room and play 
sex and bondage games with Sherry and Sandy after using Mom as a warm-
up course while Dad does paperwork for the company.  This pushed me 
beyond the limits of what I could endure.  That should be girls’ - it’s 
s-apostrophe, not apostophe-s, for plural possessives!

This was an interesting but bizarre story.  If any of you try this in 
real life, you deserve to be arrested. Then you will burn in hell and 
will be forced to live with an American politician for all eternity.

Ratings for “Brown Nosing”
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10


