Celestial Reviews 22 - Sept 23, 1995

Note:  COME ONE, COME ALL!  See the note accompanying the review of 
"The Locksmith for information about the First Annual Celestial Writing 
Contest.

- Celeste

      "Arresting Officer" by Ann Douglas (ff police sex) 10
      "Film at Eleven" by Sue (sex on videotape) 10
      "Freebie" by Deirdre (spontaneous oral sex) 10
      "Reception" by Deirdre (ff sex at the wedding 
            reception) 10
      "Ergonomic Chairs" by Rajah Dodger (sex in the 
            workplace) 8
      "The Locksmith" by Felix Dartmouth (handcuffs) 4
      "Caitlin's Tale" by Lysander (medieval romance) 8

"Arresting Officer" by Ann Douglas (an309642@anon.penet.fi).  When I 
started this story about police officers busting a bunch of 
prostitutes, I thought I knew exactly where it was going; but the story 
surprised me.  If I tell you too much about this story, I'll run the 
risk of ruining it for you.  All I'll say here is that it's well 
written and creative.  (Rating: 10)

"Film at Eleven" by Sue (SueNH@aol.com).  During her vacation in Maine, 
Sue is invited to visit a sexy couple she met earlier in the day.  She 
agrees to videotape them while they make love.  The sex gets really 
hot, and Sue describes it vividly and in minute detail.  At the climax, 
Sue herself gets into the act by fondling Bart's cock while it's inside 
Nina's cunt.  This makes it possible for Sue also to diddle Nina's G-
spot at the same time.  And Sue manages to record this entire activity 
on videotape!  Is this activity actually possible?  If anyone tries it 
successfully, let me know - but it sure sounds sexy! 

Oh - and Sue mistakenly refers to Bart as Gary once.  Gotcha!  Of 
course, I've never done that to my husband, but he does call me Sue 
once in a while in the heat of passion.

The videotaping theme provides an excuse for Sue to describe details of 
the sexual encounter that would normally be superfluous.  For example, 
she describes such things as facial expressions and skin texture of the 
labia and around the ass. There would be little justification for these 
descriptions in a normal narrative; but in the context of this story 
they become quite sensual.  (Rating: 10)

"Freebie" by Deirdre (an65862@anon.penet.fi).  A woman gives her 
husband for his birthday five coupons that say: "Give this ticket to 
Jeannie Greene and she will immediately and silently perform one oral 
sex act on her knees, any time, any place, no questions asked."  
Interesting premise!  Read the story to find out what happens to the 
tickets.  (Rating: 10)

"Reception" by Deirdre (an65862@anon.penet.fi).  During the reception 
the maid-of-honor and the bride go to the hotel room to refresh 
themselves.  Before they went to the room they had never felt or shown 
any attraction toward each other.  When they return to the reception, 
this is no longer true.  All I can do is repeat: Deirdre is the 
Sherwood Anderson of a.s.s. (Rating: 10)

"Ergonomic Chairs" by Rajah Dodger (an179705@anon.penet.fi).  The women 
work industriously at their desks for long hours.  Most of them would 
rather break a date than be late coming back from lunch.  Why?  Because 
the chairs are developed on the basis of the "intermittent reward 
theory of positive reinforcement."  What is there about these chairs 
that makes these workers such happy campers?  Use your imagination.  
After all, this story is not posted on alt.furniture.stories.  (Rating: 
8)

"The Locksmith" by Felix Dartmouth (felix.dartmouth@arch.com). The 
locksmith responds to his beeper and a woman answers the phone: "Are 
you the locksmith? Oh! Thank God! My friend has been handcuffed, and we 
don't have the key. Can you help us?" 

Nice set-up.  Great potential.  But nothing sexual happens.  It's as if 
the Censorship Police gutted the story.  So here's what we're going to 
do.  Any author who wishes to do so may enter the First Annual 
Celestial Writing Contest.  Simply complete a sex story that begins 
with this premise.  Send it to me at celeste801@aol.com.  (I'd suggest 
that you just post the stories, but this would lead to plagiarism and 
other forms of confusion.) The winner will be announced on October 7.  
(Rating: 4)

"Caitlin's Tale" by Lysander (Lysander@vnet.net).  This is a historical 
romance - in the loose sense of both words.  Many of the events are 
indeed plausible, but I'm not sure that historians would say that 
things really happened quite this way.  It seems to me that the author 
may be projecting back into a historical context modern notions of 
sexual domination and submission.  However, even though I'm skeptical 
about some of the historical accuracy, I liked the setting.  It gave a 
rationale other than pure cruelty or petulance for treating a woman 
like an object - after all, Caitlin was literally Robert's slave.  And 
her reaction of loving her tormenter became understandable in this 
context.

I really don't enjoy stories about mindless sex, but I did enjoy this 
one.  Talk about mindless sex!  In this story we have Caitlin eating 
the asshole of her former best friend who has become her mistress (or 
maybe it was vice versa), swallowing about a gallon of her friend's 
urine while eating her pussy, fucking a whole small army of men either 
two or three at a time (depending on how many orifices were available), 
getting an enema before a beating and then being punished for crapping 
all over the place, taking it in the pussy and then in the ass from one 
giant dog before giving the other dog the blow job of its life, and 
being bound to a rack while getting fucked with the hilt of a giant 
sword before getting really fucked by its owner and everyone else who 
happened to be around.  And that doesn't even include what the master 
himself did to her.  I don't want any of this to happen to me; and if I 
were on a jury, I would recommend severe (non-sexual) punishment for 
people who did this to Caitlin.  So why would I enjoy this story?

One reason I enjoyed it was the historical context, which kept me 
constantly aware that I was in a fantasy world.  I could enjoy it 
without succumbing to the feeling that I was actually recommending this 
kind of activity.  Science fiction sex stories have the same advantage 
for me.  When stories are more contemporary, I feel inclined to react 
to them more realistically - which means I am inclined to dislike what 
is brutal or demeaning.  I think a lot of people react this way.  Other 
people have different ways to differentiate between reality and 
fantasy.  (If you don't have any way to make this distinction, you 
should probably find one.)

A second reason is that the author takes advantage of the historical 
context to make the story interesting as well as sexy.  I remember 
criticizing a story called "The Tugboat" a while back for failing to 
integrate the sex with the context.  That story story just had lots of 
sex for no apparent reason and with little relation to the things that 
would have been unique to that environment.  Lysander avoids that 
mistake.  We're pretty much constantly aware of the context, and that 
makes the story more riveting.

While I found parts of the story to be sexually arousing, I found more 
parts to be just interesting.  My reaction was often, "Yeah, I guess 
that would be possible."  I truly believe that the author had to be 
laughing while he wrote parts of this story: "I wonder if I can make 
them believe this!"  

This tale reminded me in some ways of the first great American 
historical romance, "The Last of the Mohicans."  That novel was quite 
popular among rich, stylish ladies in Europe, who thought it would be 
"romantic" to go the American West with the "noble savages."  The 
actual realities of the American west were quite different from these 
fantasies.  Mark Twain wrote a delightful essay on "Fennimore Cooper's 
Literary Offenses," and it would be possible to find even more 
egregious offenses in this story.  But it was still a pretty good 
story.  (Rating: 8)
