Celestial Reviews 137 - Nov 23, 1996

Note:  I feel compelled to remind readers once in a while to consider 
sending a note to the author of a story you like.  These people write 
these stories for no profit that I know of.  They write for their own 
pleasure and for yours, and I know for certain that most of them like 
to get feedback from their readers.  An occasional note from you can go 
a long way toward keeping the good stories coming <g>.

Second Note:  Somebody has been posting an “alarm” that there’s a 
detective lurking out there, looking for people in our newsgroup who 
are trying to molest innocent children.  Here’s my two-cents worth.  If 
that’s what the detective is really doing, then God bless him and his 
work!  I read recently that a man imprisoned for sex crimes has been 
posting on the Internet detailed maps of where to find little girls to 
molest.  That’s what scares ordinary people (and even me, sometimes) 
about the Internet.  Of course, if that pervert happens to correspond 
with a “little girl” that turns out to be a hostile policeman, he has 
no way of knowing that over the Internet; and so he stands a good 
chance of getting caught.  So more power to the cop!  If the detective 
is somehow violating our rights, on the other hand, I object.  My 
presumption is that the police are required to treat sex crimes on the 
Internet the same way they do elsewhere.  This means that they can 
arrest and harass only people who are committing crimes, not people who 
are reading or writing fantasies.  I cannot imagine how the detective 
could bother anyone whose stories I have reviewed - unless the author 
is doing something more than simply posting stories.  My hope is that 
while they’re here, the detectives will manage to catch up on some 
interesting reading as well.

- Celeste

      “While You Were Out” by Deidre Ng (night of passion)
            10, 10, 10
      “Watching” by Alan Mathews (emerging adolescence &
            romance) 10, 10, 10
      “The (Fore)Skin Game” by J. Boswell (wife watching)
            10, 8, 8
      “Lunchtime!” by Dulcinea (quickie at the restaurant)
            10, 10, 10
      “The Party” by Dulcinea (quickie at the party)
            10, 10, 10
      “Tina’s Tale” by John Carter (sex slavery & humiliation)
            9, 7, 4
      “Goth’rotica” by Miss Lucy (spooky sex) 10, 10, 8
      “A Night to Remember” by Mary Anne  Mohanraj (college 
            sex) 10, 8, 8
      “The Demon on My Shoulder” by R. Stephen Redick (wartime
            sex) 10, 9, 9
      “The Meeting” by Domn8me189 (bdsm) 6, 6, 4
      “Who’s the Boss” by Karl Bojahra (sitcom parody) 4, 4, 4
      “An Evening At Home” by MountainTop (D&s) 10, 8, 4
      “December Fantasy” by Mark Foster (quickie) 10, 10, 10
      “Donna” by Unknown Author (masturbation) 10, 10, 10

    * “Home Again” by Ann Douglas (romance) 10, 10, 10
    * "The Ballad of Wrangler Jane" by Ann Douglas (Celebrity
            sex in the American west) 9, 9, 9
    * “Scarlett’s Cove” by Ann Douglas (hot lesbian romance) 
            10, 10, 10

    * “Reception" by Deirdre (ff sex at the wedding 
            reception) 10, 10, 10
    * “Recommendation" by Deirdre (sex slavery & 
            housekeeping) 10, 10, 10
    * “Retreat" by Deirdre (dominance & submission) 10, 9, 9
    * “Reward" by Deirdre (sex slavery) 10, 8, 7
    * “Rock" by Deirdre (exhibitionism) 10, 10, 10
    * “Romance" by Deirdre (ff attraction) 10, 7, 5
    * “Roommate" by Deirdre (dominance & bondage) 10, 8, 8
    * “Run" by deirdre (I can't describe it - humor!) 10, 9, 8
    * “Seat" by Deirdre (new life in an old flame) 10, 10, 10
    * “Secretary" by Deirdre (ff preterition) 10, 8, 7
    * “Shop" by Deirdre (reluctant exhibitionism) 10, 10, 10
    * “Show" by Deirdre (anal sex) 10, 8, 8
    * “Sight" by Deirdre (voyeurism) 10, 8, 7
    * “Sitter" by Deirdre (varieties of bdsm) 10, 8, 7
    * “Slave" by Deirdre (sex slavery) 10, 9, 9
    * “Society" by Deirdre (sex slavery) 10, 10, 10
    * “Spa" by Deirdre (bondage & anal sex) 10, 9, 9

* Repost of a previous review (because the story has recently
    been reposted).

“While You Were Out” by Deidre Ng (Deidre Ng@aol.com).  As you may have 
hear by now, the bureaucrats at AOL erased all of the stories from the 
Ng Sisters’ web site.  This is known in Catholic theology as a felix 
culpa.  Culpa (fault or sin), because it was a lousy thing to do.  
Felix (happy), because the upshot is that Deidre is now reposting all 
of those stories, which means that those of you who have not yet seen 
the entire Ng opus will get your chance now.

In her e-mail message notifying me of our Redemption, Deidre said that 
she actually started reading a.s.s, and told Tammy how pitiful it was, 
and how “even they” could do better than most of the lame stories, and 
got their first stories posted, just before I started reviewing.  That 
means that I’ll have to write a few new reviews, but I’ll also repost 
my old reviews whenever I notice one of the stories reposted.  I might 
add that this newsgroup has come a long way since the first stories of 
the Ng Sisters.  Their stories still stand out as excellent, but they 
have a lot more company nowadays.

This first repost takes the form of a message from Deidre on Tammy’s 
answering machine.  Deidre speculates about what her sister is probably 
doing instead of answering the machine and describes her own recent 
experience at the St. Regis hotel, where after a long day Deidre’s 
boyfriend dropped by and lit up her life.  The author describes the 
foreplay and penetrations in intimate detail.

As an English teacher, I was most interested in the punctuation of this 
sentence.

      I started to beg for him to fuck me, just little 
      panting "fuck me, fuck me please"s.

How DOES one make plural a phrase that’s in quotes when the item within 
quotes is itself singular. As far as I know, the author got it right.  
I’m going to defer further thought on this problem for one of those 
occasions when my husband is trying to embarrass me by getting me 
turned on in public and I need something really boring and insipid on 
which to concentrate.
 
All I can say is that Tammy’s answering machine takes a lot longer 
message than mine does!

Ratings for “While You Were Out”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

“Watching” by Alan Mathews (alanmath@hotmail.com).  I got lucky 
tonight.  No, not the way you think, although that happened too.  I got 
lucky because my lessons for the rest of the week have been so well 
prepared over the years that I could afford to blow off about three 
hours reading this story.  Sometimes a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s 
gotta do.

The boy and the girl first meet when the school bus breaks down and it 
gets cold and they have to share his coat.  She’s 13 and he’s 18, but 
she’s beautiful and he has a crush on her.  They don’t have sex.  She 
falls asleep in his arms, and he doesn’t even masturbate.  She kisses 
him gently when she eventually gets off the bus.  That’s the kind of 
story this is going to be.  But the action picks up quickly.  
Circumstances require Jenny to leave home; and since Alex happens to 
live alone most of the time he takes her in.  Soon we discover that 
sleeping together and showering together leads to a certain level of 
intimacy.  The sexual activities come across as both innocent and sexy.

The story includes a genuine, interesting plot.  This is a really sexy, 
romantic story.

A minor problem is that the story contains numerous irritating errors.  
For example, the author consistently uses “to” instead of “too.”  Dr. 
Mathewson becomes Dr. Sampson a few paragraphs later.  My advice to you 
is to ignore the errors and just enjoy the story.  It’s excellent!

Ratings for “Watching”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

“The (Fore)Skin Game” by James Boswell.  This is Another Hot Wife Tale.  
The man and his wife have been happily married for ten years.  When 
Mike comes for a week-long visit, he brings with him his ten-inch, 
three-inch in diameter, uncircumcised cock, the likes of which the wife 
has never seen before.  The husband eagerly shares his wife with his 
studly friend; and, of course, the result is that (1) the husband and 
wife are more deeply in love with each other than ever before and (2) 
they are looking around for more studs to share with.

Ratings for “The (Fore)Skin Game”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

“Lunchtime!” by Dulcinea (Dulcinea97@aol.com).  Some people need to 
break major taboos in order to get a thrill.  They need to have anal 
sex with a parent or sibling or at least torture a nun.  For my part, 
this story is taboo enough for me.  The very idea of making my husband 
late for work by seducing him at lunchtime is all the taboo I can 
handle right now.  And Dulcinea tells the story so nicely!

Ratings for “Lunchtime!”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

“The Party” by Dulcinea (Dulcinea97@aol.com).  The officer’s wife is 
bored with the party.  She slips away to the master bedroom and soon 
one of the officers meets her there for a romantic romp before they 
rejoin the others.  Dulcinea’s stories are simple and sweet, and 
sometimes that’s very nice.

Ratings for “The Party”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

“Tina’s Tale” by John Carter (docs.dgsys.com).  Tina is a sex slave.  
She has a collar and a Master, and she is at first on display like a 
slab of meat for strangers to kick around and treat as they wish.  
Eventually people fuck her in really unpleasant ways, which she enjoys.  
As I have said many times before, there are apparently sane and 
sensible people who will enjoy this story more than I did.  To me, it’s 
like reading a story about how a person eats some spoiled food, gets 
sick as hell, vomits, and then asks for some more of the food.  I know 
there are people who enjoy being sick and vomiting; I just have trouble 
understanding their point of view.

Ratings for “Tina’s Tale”
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4

“Goth’rotica” by Miss Lucy (archer77@ix.netcom.com).  Miss Lucy is an 
Internet porn writer who gets hired to transcribe and rewrite notes for 
an apparently maniac lesbian doctor who lives and works in a gothic 
mansion that seems to be inhabited by gargoyles and other strange 
spirits who have an interest in Miss Lucy.  Her only confidante is the 
doctor’s brother, a defrocked priest who is a virgin except for a woman 
in Boston, the monster in his bedroom, and now, of course, Miss Lucy 
herself, whom he uses as bait to lure the gargoyle with two dicks into 
her cunt so that he can capture it.

I’m not much of a fan of gothic horror stories.  I enjoy looking at 
gargoyles on buildings, but I have vaguely suspected that they are 
imaginary creatures; and it has never occurred to me that any of them 
would have two penises or that I might ever have sex with one of them.  
So gothic horror fans may enjoy this story more than I did.  It’s very 
well written, and the plot (which I won’t further disclose to you) is 
highly creative.

Ratings for “Goth’rotica”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

“A Night to Remember” by Mary Anne Mohanraj (mohanraj@mills.edu).  
Three college girls are lounging around telling Can-You-Top-This? 
stories about their sexual exploits.  Not all that much really happens.  
This is a weak story for Mary Anne, but very good for most other 
authors.

Ratings for “A Night to Remember”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

“The Demon on My Shoulder” by R. Stephen Redick (burrito@mc.net).  This 
story is confusing, but deliberately so.  It describes the sexual 
adventures of a couple of American soldiers with prostitutes in Vietnam.  
The sex takes place in the midst of chaos and violence - probably pretty 
much the way it often really happened.  I am not an expert on war-zone 
sex, but this seemed very realistic to me.

Ratings for “The Demon on My Shoulder”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

“The Meeting” by Domn8me189 (Domn8me189@aol.com).  The woman has talked 
to the man on-line, and now she is meeting him for the first time.  He 
pulls a switchblade knife on her, makes her get into his car, requires 
her to use the seat belt to secure herself for safety, and then begins 
to diddle her with a dildo while she drives to a remote area to be 
raped.  Actually, it’s not rape after all, but rather a fulfillment of 
a desire to be dominated.  Afterwards, the guy doesn’t kill her or dump 
her on the roadside; instead he makes an appointment to rape her again 
sometime at her convenience.  I found the grammar to be bad and the 
plot to be simplistic.  Apparently the author sponsors a whole 
newsletter for people looking for more of this genre.

Ratings for “The Meeting”
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4

“Who’s the Boss” by Karl Bojahra (karl_bojahra@bc.sympatico.ca).  This 
story ends with these words: “comment pleas? suggestions?”  My comment 
is that if this is the first attempt by a person who does not speak 
English and has also not fully mastered his own language, then it’s a 
good first attempt.  Otherwise, here are my suggestions: (1) The author 
should follow at least some of the rules of English grammar. (2) When 
writing a parody, the characters should in some respect resemble the 
characters in the work being parodied.  That means that Tony (usually 
spelled with a capital T) and Angela should act like Tony and Angela in 
the TV sitcom.  If this author wants to become a real writer, he should 
read some of the excellent parodies by Shelby Bush and Uncle Mike and 
try again.

Ratings for “Who’s the Boss”
Athena (technical quality): 4
Venus (plot & character): 4
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4

“An Evening At Home” by MountainTop (Topspace4@aol.com).  The man is 
spending an evening at home with his wife and another couple, 
describing to them the beauties of the dominant/submissive 
relationship.  To demonstrate one of his points, he says to his wife, 
“Bedroom, strip, bed, back, spread."  Sure enough, the little lady 
gracefully and swiftly carries her cute little ass into the bedroom, 
where they join her - her arms and legs reaching for the four corners 
of the bed in the classic spread-eagle position, her bra, apron, and 
thong removed, and eager to please her Master.  And so it goes.

This story presents a clear but not especially inspiring picture of 
somebody’s version of the ideal dominant/submissive relationship.  I 
myself am a freedom freak.  I could be wrong, but I think the basic 
urge of human nature is to be free and to want to be in control of 
one’s own fate.  I’ll grant that this is an unattainable ideal, and 
impossible dream; but my husband and I have been able to achieve a 
free-spirited love and sexuality that make us very happy people.  As I 
have said many times before, I don’t see the point in wanting to be a 
toy at someone else’s disposal.  I have assumed that societies do a 
good thing when they free their slaves.  I really do like it when my 
husband “dominates” me - and he likes it when I do the same to him; but 
our domination does not involve becoming mindlessly subservient to the 
other, which is what this story portrays.

Estragon writes stories from a perspective opposite (or complementary) 
to this one.  Estragon writes about women dominating men.  I don’t 
agree with Estragon’s philosophy any more than I agree with this one.  
I personally think that I demean myself if I demean my lover.  However, 
Estragon writes in such a way that I can see the point of the femdom 
policy she (?) is promoting; in the case of the present story I cannot 
see the point.

Having said this, I’ll add that I DO see the value in selfishness, 
which is what I think this story is about.  If I am always giving and 
never taking, then I am depriving my husband of a chance to give.  
Ditto for him.  So there is a value in both of us being temporarily a 
“slave” to the other.  This story simply does not do a good job of 
presenting that notion in a perspective that makes sense to me as a 
rational reader.

Again, I want to add that I am not totally anti-bdsm.  In the last 
issue I praised Ann Douglas for doing a good job of introducing bdsm 
activities into “Sandy.”  The key difference is that Sandy came across 
as an intelligent person who did things for a reason and happened to 
have tastes that differed from my own.

My advice to submissives is to arise!  You have nothing to lose but 
your chains!  I was in a bad mood when I wrote that last sentence. 
Actually, if you are a submissive and like it that way, kiss your 
Master’s asshole (while it’s oozing fecal matter, if possible), 
apologize humbly for listening to Celeste, ask him to kick you in the 
head with a steel-plated shoe, and then bring him to a roaring orgasm, 
if the preceding activities have not already accomplished that.  There!  
That’s a much happier ending to this review.

Ratings for “An Evening At Home”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer):4

“December Fantasy” by Mark Foster. Two lovers have stolen away for a 
quiet lunch and are gazing out the window at a beautiful December day.  
They decide that it might be OK to be a little late getting back to 
work.  They are eventually more than a little late, but they have had a 
delightful time.  This is well-written, hot, romantic sex.

Ratings for “December Fantasy”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer):10

“Donna” by Unknown Author. This is another one of those THC reposts 
that make it impossible to identify the actual author.  Donna is a very 
prim and proper lady who is nonetheless multiorgasmic and is having an 
affair with the narrator.  He discovers that she doesn’t know how to 
masturbate, and so he teaches her.  The voyeurism of the lesson quickly 
gets the instructor going himself, and so the action heats up.  This is 
pretty good stuff, especially when you consider that sometimes the 
person reading the story may be doing a solo performance him/herself.  

The story concludes with a recommendation that we watch for more 
stories about the adventures of Donna.  I’d like to know who this 
author is, so that I can watch for more stories by him/her.

Ratings for “Donna”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer):10

* “Home Again” by Ann Douglas (annd@pop.tiac.net).  A.C. has come home 
to visit his childhood haunts, and he meets Mary Austin, the 45-year-
old mother with a still great body who is the mother of Josh, one of 
A.C. closest childhood friends. We eventually discover that she was 
also the target of some of A.C.’s adolescent masturbation fantasies.  

This author takes her time developing a plot.  The first 2 parts (of 7) 
are not exactly devoid of sex; we do learn that A.C. used to date Jenny 
Wilson with whom he traded cherries on prom night and whose sister was 
nicknamed Kleenex Karen because of her proclivity to fill the partial 
vacuum in her bra with that product, and also that Josh’s sister Dawn 
Marie had fucked the whole football team before moving out of the 
family domicile right after her 18th birthday.  The author also lays a 
basis for future sexual possibilities by letting us know that Mr. 
Austin is deceased and that during his adolescence A.C. had once seen 
Mrs. Austin naked and by arranging for A.C. to stay overnight while he 
waits for Josh to come home in the morning. But in general A.C. and 
Mary just have dinner and engage in interesting conversation.  

So the author spends nearly 4 out of 7 parts with nothing more than 
innuendo and build-up; but when the sex comes it’s both tender and hot.  
I love this kind of story.  Read it yourself for the details.

I secretly wish that Ann Douglas would get somebody to proofread her 
stories.  She develops wonderful plots that give full personalities to 
people having hot sex, and then she makes annoying mistakes that keep 
me from giving her perfect ratings; and then I often have to decide 
whether to let a imperfect story onto my Top 15 list for the month.  I 
mean, surely Ann knows the difference between a dinner and a diner and 
between celibate and celebrate. The problem is that Ann knows what the 
words are supposed to be, and so she probably skips right past them; 
and this is just the sort of mistake that a spellcheck doesn’t pick up.  
The solution is to have one intelligent person go through the story 
before it gets posted.  Let this be a lesson to you.

Finally, a word of advice.  It’s nice to shower together before anal 
intercourse, but the shower removes the natural lubricants from both 
bodies; and so the penis is likely to be even drier than usual.  The 
problem of dry skin is compounded by the fact that a person’s anal 
canal does not produce natural lubrications for sexual intercourse, as 
the vagina would.  Using Vaseline to solve this problem is not a great 
idea, because that product tends to seal off the body’s natural 
lubricants, when they do begin to flow.  My own experience is that 
saliva is a better idea than Vaseline at both the front and back door.  
By far the best solution is a lubricant specifically designed for this 
purpose, such as K-Y jelly.  I guess this gives away part of the plot, 
doesn’t it?

Ratings for “Home Again”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "The Ballad of Wrangler Jane" by Ann Douglas (annd@pop.tiac.net).  
This story is a parody of the F Troop television series that appears 
regularly in syndication on American cable television.  There's really 
not a lot of sex in the story; the first two thirds are devoted to 
build-up and making the characters compatible with the original series.  
I have never in my life watched an entire episode of F Troop, so I 
don't know how well the story works as a parody.  Assuming the author's 
characterizations fit, this is a pretty good story of the female 
heroine making love to an Indian princess.  

Ratings for “The Ballad of Wrangler Jane”
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

* “Scarlett’s Cove” by Ann Douglas (annd@pop.tiac.net).  As I 
understand it, Ann Douglas has become anxious about the possibilities 
of censorship and related repression on the Internet and has withdrawn 
from posting her stories with this newsgroup.  I heard she has started 
her own newslist, to which she circulates her stories, and so I thought 
she wasn’t going to post on a.s.s. anymore. Therefore, I was surprised 
to find this story in the postings.  I don’t know how it got there, but 
I’m glad it did.

The story centers around the visit of two friends to a Caribbean Club 
Med type resort that caters to lesbians and bisexuals.  Although both 
women are lesbians, they are not habitual lovers - just friends.  After 
some preliminary fun, Jeanette finds that Arlene has entered her into a 
sort of charity bachelor auction - the other women will bid to have 
Jeanette for their date for the evening.  I think I have told you 
enough about the story.  It’s a hot plot with hot sex.  I might add 
that Jeanette is a high school teacher and many of us often wish we 
could touch our favorite students the way she does - but somebody might 
take that comment the wrong way.

Ann writes many different kinds of stories, and I enjoy them all; but 
this story is a good example of what Ann does best: an interesting and 
sexy plot woven into an exotic environment embellished with accurate 
information about varied cultures.  In addition, the author enriches 
the narrative with sexy flashbacks and side plots that heighten the 
tension and allure of the main storyline.

As I have said many times before, although I suspect that all sensible 
women would enjoy sexual activities like those described in this story, 
I myself have never engaged in full genital lesbian or bisexual 
activity.  However, after reading this story, my defenses have begun to 
crumble.  If by some chance I would ever be bereaved of this wonderful 
guy that humps me on demand like Mark Aster’s studly hero and then 
found myself on an exotic Caribbean island with a beautiful, rich 
former student who was professing her love for me after purchasing me 
for an exorbitant price in a charity auction - well, I might give it a 
thought.  Hell, I think I’ll give it a thought right now!

I’m reminded of the words of my daughter, who every year proclaims that 
“this is my best birthday ever.”  This is the best story ever by Ann 
Douglas.

Ratings for "Scarlett’s Cove"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* Deirdre-mania:  As near as I can figure, there are at least two 
persons frantically reposting all of Deirdre’s stories.  For my own 
part, I am trying to keep up by posting 15-20 reviews of Deirdre’s 
stories in each issue of CR.  On this festive occasion, I'm going to 
give you some biographical background on this most prolific of a.s.s. 
authors.  Let me point out the Deirdre is a very private person; and I 
actually have no direct information about her.  Therefore, everything I 
say in the following biographical sketch is either a shrewd inference 
or a pure fabrication.  You be the judge.

Although we have never met, sometimes I feel very close to Deirdre; and 
this qualifies me as her biographer.  I often think of her as the 
sister I never had, sharing the bedroom that we never shared while we 
stayed awake until the wee hours, discussing strategies for using the 
devices in the basement we never had to sexually subjugate the mother 
we never had.

If I am right in my conjectures, Deirdre was born about 37 years ago in 
either Muncie Indiana or Buffalo New York.  She was loved by her 
parents and got along well with everyone except her sister, whom she 
regarded (with good reason) as a promiscuous slut.  She was a very good 
student through high school, but she remained inconspicuous, except for 
her starring role on the school's losing volleyball team.  In her real 
life her friends even today refer to her by an ironic nickname that 
derives from the fact that she could never spike the ball effectively - 
but why would an outstanding setter care about that?

Deirdre attended college at either Wabash or Indiana University (if the 
Muncie birth theory is correct) or at one of the excellent state 
colleges in the New York system (if the Buffalo theory is correct).  
However, it is my understanding that she eventually graduated from the 
University of Texas, where she majored in journalism with a minor in 
education and where she met her future husband, who has doted on her 
and to whom she has been faithful for the past twelve years.  Deirdre 
has two children, Bradley and Stephanie - both born within wedlock, 
although there is a distinct possibility that the latter was conceived 
as a result of sexual activity in the doggie position rather than Roy's 
more preferred missionary approach.

While she was in college, Deirdre took a course on Freudian psychology, 
during which she wrote term papers on the Id and the Oedipal and 
Electra complexes.  Those are the only topics she still remembers from 
that course, and that influence still shows in her erotic writing.  Her 
other favorite course was American Literature, which was taught by an 
elderly professor who did his doctoral dissertation on e.e. cummings.  
Although she was infatuated with the old guy, he was in fact a 
doddering fool; and his only influence on Deirdre's writing can be 
found in her decision to use the lower-case d as the first letter in 
her nom de plume.

Deirdre and Roy, now live with their two children and three cats in 
Sulphur Springs, Texas, where she teaches fifth grade in a public 
school and works part-time as the manager of a local fast-food 
restaurant specializing in ice-cream desserts.  The inspiration for 
most of her stories comes from listening to conversations in the 
teachers' lounge and from observations of all the lonely people who buy 
ice cream from her.

Of course, as far as this newsgroup is concerned, the most important of 
Deirdre's characteristics is the fact there is reason to believe that 
she is Sherwood Anderson reincarnated.  Anderson's bizarre spirit has 
pervaded her life and has influenced her reaction to the Freudian 
psychology course, to her marriage, to the mysterious hand fondling her 
ass when she rode the elevator in Chicago, and to most of the other 
events in her life.  However, although Anderson was resented and 
actively hated by the citizens of Clyde, Deirdre is quite popular in 
Sulphur Springs - mostly because she has had the good sense to remain 
anonymous. 

The second most important influence on Deirdre's literary life was a 
beautiful, vibrant, and intelligent high school English teacher, who 
turned her on to literature and inspired Deirdre with an insatiable 
urge to do likewise to others through her own writing.

Like Anderson, Deirdre is a Virgo; but this is not really an important 
fact, since most Virgos don't put much stock in horoscopes anyway.

Deirdre selected her pseudonym in honor of Deirdre Bair, the biographer 
of Samuel Becket (who strongly influenced her writing style) and of 
Simone de Beauvoir (who influenced her feminist attitudes, which are 
seldom apparent in her erotic writings).

There has been a certain amount of speculation in this biographical 
sketch.  But what the heck!  Some of it might be true!

"Reception" by Deirdre.  During the reception the maid-of-honor and the 
bride go to the hotel room to refresh themselves.  Before they went to 
the room they had never felt or shown any attraction toward each other.  
When they return to the reception, this is no longer true.  All I can 
do is repeat: Deirdre is the Sherwood Anderson of a.s.s.

Ratings for “Reception”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Recommendation" by Deirdre.  Joan has a spotless house, which is the 
envy of her friend.  This friend decides to hire the same cleaning 
girl.  At the end of the first paragraph I have figured out the plot of 
the story: the cleaning girl has turned Joan into a sex slave and now 
forces Joan to clean her own house in return for being allowed to lick 
the cleaning girl's cunt.  The cleaning girl will impose the same 
conditions on the friend.

I was pretty close!  Note quite, but close enough.  Even if you know 
all this ahead of time, I think you'll still enjoy the story.

Ratings for “Recommendation”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Retreat" by Deirdre.  The man and his wife were hiking in a secluded 
area, when they were surprised to see a group of women hikers.  I 
reread this part carefully.  Nope, the hikers were not naked; every one 
of them was wearing shorts and sneakers.  I checked the first lines of 
the story.  Yes, it was by Deirdre.  I was confused.  Why were these 
damsels walking fully clothed through a forest in a Deirdre story?  Why 
was no one carrying a whip?  How could they have anal intercourse with 
all those clothes on?  I surmised that maybe they were being forced to 
take a hike fully clothed as a form of humiliation.  I decided to read 
on.

Aha!  In the next paragraph there are fifty men standing naked in a 
parking lot!  Now the story makes sense.  Behind each man is a woman 
with a whip.  As you have probably guessed by now, this was one of 
those retreats that are so popular among yuppy lawyers - sort of a 
marriage encounter group where the men get naked in the great outdoors 
and let their significant other females beat and humiliate them.  The 
woman likes the idea so much that she promises her husband that she'll 
suck his cock if he'll please go on the retreat with her.  At this 
point I thought I had the whole story figured out, but I was wrong: 
there were some interesting twists in the plot yet to come.  

Ratings for “Retreat”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Reward" by Deirdre.  What there is of this story is well written; 
there just isn't much to it.  The woman has the guy doing lots of 
things that he wouldn't like to do in order to be allowed to have sex 
with her.  She apparently gets rewarded herself by the mysterious John.  
My parents always told me I had to eat my spinach before I could have 
my dessert, but Deirdre's lady manages to reverse this order 
effectively.

Ratings for “Reward”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7

"Rock" by Deirdre.  The man and his wife go for a walk deep into the 
woods.  He tells her to take off her clothes.  She surprises herself by 
agreeing and soon finds herself atop a huge rock with him licking her 
cunt.  As she starts really getting into it, she notices two college 
girls watching in the distance.  When she mentions them to her husband, 
he suggests that she wave them over.  Things get pretty hot, but maybe 
not in exactly the way you would expect.

Ratings for “Rock”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Romance" by Deirdre.  There really isn't enough here to call this a 
story.  Two women are checking out videotapes, and one rents a tape 
that apparently involves a hot romance between two women.  The narrator 
knows that she herself is attracted to the other woman, and she 
interprets their conversation about the tape as an innuendo that maybe 
the feeling is reciprocal.

Ratings for “Romance”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5

"Roommate" by Deirdre.  A woman is visited by her college roommate, who 
immediately strikes up a friendship with a couple who were her high 
school friends.  The woman wakes up in the middle of the night and 
finds the roommate having sex with her mother.  Almost immediately it 
escalates to where the roommate is having anal sex with the mother 
while giving a hand job to the woman; and then the high school friends 
come over and join the festivities.  What is striking about this story 
(as is the case with many of Deirdre's tales) is that she makes such 
outrageous behaviors seem so natural and plausible.

Ratings for “Roommate”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"Run" by deirdre.  Here's what happened.  I had five new deirdre 
stories on my hard disk, and I only wanted to review two of them.  In 
addition to writing these reviews and teaching English, I run and study 
karate.  So I decided to read "Run."  I've always enjoyed fantasies 
about sex among runners; and I once lived out a fantasy by running in 
front of some guy and wiggling my ass to turn him on.  I never even 
spoke to the guy, but I'll bet he had the mother of all jock rashes by 
running with a raging hard-on for about three miles.  So "Run" was my 
choice for the second story.  Only this story is about a guy who is 
living with his sister who makes him dress like a girl so that her 
married boyfriend will get turned on by thinking they're being watched 
by a female voyeur, but the boyfriend decides to screw the girl (who is 
really a guy) and the whole thing develops into a group bdsm gangbang 
with the boyfriend's wife and friends.  Deirdre says that some of the 
things she writes about are just fantasies!  Really?  I thought this 
story was hilarious.  Deirdre writes in such a way that I was 
constantly surprised by what happened next.  I think people will enjoy 
this story - even if they're not expecting a sensual trot in the park, 
like I was.  Jane Austen would not approve of this story.

Ratings for “Run”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"Seat" by Deirdre.  Dammit!  I write a carefully prepared introductory 
note, pointing out that my ratings have been too high and resolving to 
really stick it to the authors from now on; and then I give three 10's 
in a row to Deirdre.  It's gotta be mind control!  Why can't she just 
give me orgasms or make me her sex slave? But no, she has to go out and 
write three good stories that demand a 10 rating for each.  Life really 
sucks sometimes - but that's not all bad.

Anyway, after 14 years of marriage, the husband and wife in this story 
seemed to have fallen into a rut.  Brad told his wife she'd always say 
she was tired and he got so discouraged being turned down that he 
stopped asking.  (Incidentally, when dogs are in a rut, it's a 
different thing.  The rut these people had fallen into is related to 
the English "route."  The animal activity is derived from the French 
word "ruit," which means "roar." Just thought I'd mention that.)  To 
break out of the rut, the husband suggests that they vow to make love 
twice within the next week.  They keep the vow, and the wife enjoys it.  
She expects him to suggest that they make this vow permanent; but 
instead he suggests a different vow: that she promise to *initiate* sex 
twice within the next week.

So far this sounds like what a creative, competent marriage counselor 
would suggest.  But then things get out of control.  Or do they?  
You'll have to read the story to find out.

Ratings for “Seat”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Secretary" by Deirdre.  "Preterition" is a technique I learned about 
in a college rhetoric class.  It refers to the strategy of bringing 
information into a conversation or debate by deliberately and obviously 
claiming to omit it.  For example, a man might say to his neighbor, 
"...and I'm not even going to mention the time your wife gave me head 
while you thought she was looking for her fork under the table at 
Delmonico's last week."  This story is a preterition of sorts: the 
narrator gives us a titillating tale by telling us what she's not going 
to tell us.  It's pretty interesting!

Ratings for “Secretary”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7

"Shop" by Deirdre. "You should always check out a bikini with the top 
off. You might go to some European beach...." That's not a hormonally 
imbalanced adolescent talking to his girlfriend.  It's a saleslady 
talking to the sweet young thing who has tried on a bikini that the 
customer herself considers to be far too skimpy.  The saleslady soon 
finds a ally in the woman's shopping companion, who joins the 
discussion with,  "Come on; your husband would like to see you in that 
bikini, wouldn't he? And with the top off too!"  Soon a small crowd of 
consultants gathers, with everyone encouraging her to remove the top.  
Our heroine is now teetering on the edge of disaster: will she follow 
the prompting of these servants of Satan and eat the apple or change 
back into her demure clothing and retain her right to the Garden of 
Eden?  I'm not telling!  This bizarre, surrealistic story shows Deirdre 
at her best.  I've often had the same dream, but for some reason 
Deirdre omitted the ferret.

Ratings for “Shop”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Show" by Deirdre.  Here we have a game show that resembles Wheel of 
Fortune, except that it depends entirely on chance - the players don't 
have to know any words.  Oh, and I forgot to mention that whenever a 
player goes bankrupt, she gets screwed in the ass by her husband or his 
proxy standing behind the booth.  The story's emphasis is completely on 
the humor; the sex isn't very vivid at all. 

Ratings for “Show”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"Sight" by Deirdre.  The neighbor comments to the woman that her 
husband must surely be great in bed.  The woman concludes that maybe 
this sexy neighbor has designs on her husband.  Then she happens to see 
the neighbor making passionate love to her boyfriend on the balcony.  
That's all there is!  This is a really hot descriptive passage, but 
it's not really a story - it's just an excellent snippet that could 
become part of a really good story.

Ratings for “Sight”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7

"Sitter" by Deirdre.  "Third Rock from the Sun" is a sitcom on American 
network television about a group of aliens from outer space who have 
come to earth and reside in human bodies but have trouble adapting to 
the customs of our society.  Sometimes I feel equally out of place 
reading a Deirdre story; and I'm never really sure whether it's myself 
or her characters who are out of step with reality.  I guess the people 
in this story would be considered either strange or dysfunctional, but 
those are rather harsh labels.  After all what harm is there in a 
blindfolded mother fondling her blindfolded daughter while the girl 
eases herself onto the cock of a neighbor bound spread eagle on a bed 
and the mother eases her muff into his face?  After all, they're all 
consenting adults.  And why would we be surprised or upset to notice 
that both women were chained to a hook on the ceiling while they did 
this?  And what young girl wouldn't be at least a little excited to 
whip another naked young woman or to fondle the breasts of the 
dominatrix while watching all this?  I mean, it's not as if these 
people are embezzling money from retirement communities or creating 
mayhem on the highways.  

What troubles me about Deirdre's stories is that I get ideas.  I rarely 
get sexually excited while reading the stories, but I start wondering 
about things.  Like that little old lady up the street.  Maybe she's 
not so lonely after all.  Is she perhaps naked under her raincoat?  Is 
that really an umbrella in that bag or could it be a whip?  Do those 
two old men really drive her to church on Sunday?  When the minister 
visits, why is he always smiling?  It gets worse.  I saw Hillary 
Clinton on TV the other day.  She smiles a lot for no apparent reason.  
There's a basement in the White House, and I'll bet there are hooks all 
over the place.  And handcuffs.  And her husband sometimes really does 
seem subjected to some sort of mind control.  And then there's that 
attractive woman that's married to Sadam Husein....  Deirdre really 
does make me think sometimes.

Ratings for “Sitter”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7

"Slave" by Deirdre.  Imagine this. You meet a female friend who is 
accompanied by a very quiet woman.  When you ask, who's your friend, 
she replies, "She's not a friend. She's a slave." I must live a 
sheltered life, because I've never had such a conversation - outside a 
teachers' lounge, of course.  However, the follow-up is fairly common 
in a.s.s. stories.  The woman who asked the question says, "Yeah! 
Right!" and begins to leave.  Her friend then says, "You don't believe 
it?” Just watch." She then turns to the slave and says "Go with Joann 
and do what she tells you."  I remember the same thing happening on a 
documentary on late-night cable television; but it was about astronauts 
living in Cocoa Beach, and the slave's name was Jeanie.  The ending was 
also a little different.  This story is an interesting example of 
Deirdre's ability to tell a sexy story in which there is emphatically 
absolutely no sex at all.

Ratings for “Slave”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Society" by Deirdre.  A woman gets invited by two colleagues to attend 
the noon-time meeting of the Society for the Advancement of Women In 
Their Twenties.  The woman (who is 42) wonders about the propriety of 
such a club, but the others point out to her that most women want to be 
like women in their twenties - they try to look like women in their 
twenties, and often they lie about their ages, claiming to still be in 
their late twenties.  But ironically women in their twenties are at the 
bottom of the ladder when it comes to jobs: lower than older women and 
lower than all men. Although they have what everyone wants, society-in-
general controls them and limits their freedom.  

OK, so here's a multiple choice question: how do you think SAWTT will 
advance the lifestyle of women in their twenties? Will the society's 
program involve (a) assertiveness seminars, (b) brown bag luncheons, 
(c) karate training, (d) whips and anal sexual activities? Hint: The 
meeting takes place in a large, unmarked aluminum building in an 
industrial park area, with a door in front and very few windows.  This 
story is so bizarre that it's really interesting!

Ratings for “Society”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Spa" by Deirdre.  Rita and her boyfriend visit the spa together, and 
Rita surprises him by suggesting that they stay after everyone else 
leaves and have sex there.  They hide in the locker rooms; but alas! 
they get caught.  What will their punishment be?  Do you think they 
will be turned over to the local law enforcement agency to be 
prosecuted for trespassing?  Or do you think this muscular jock and 
beautiful babe who found them will find it in their hearts to forgive 
them?  And why doesn't Rita seem quite as surprised as she should be?  
What can you do to a person sexually with all those bars and equipment 
in a spa?  And will there be a video camera involved?  This is a very 
good story.  Although Deirdre doesn't describe sexual activities with 
the mellifluous detail of a play-by-play announcer, one of her 
strengths is that she doesn't waste words.  A lot of what you'll get 
from a Deirdre story will come from your own head rather from what 
Deirdre actually says.  This is a good example of that technique.

Ratings for “Spa”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

