Celestial Reviews 362 - April 18, 2000

Note: The man has always wanted a big Harley motorcycle. He has shopped 
around but is not having much luck. Then one day he comes across a beautiful 
classic Harley with a "For Sale" sign on it.  He is amazed to find the bike 
in mint condition. "This bike is beautiful!" he tells the owner. "I'll take 
it. But you gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape."

"Well," says the seller, "it's pretty simple. Just make sure that if the bike 
is outside and it's going to rain, you rub Vaseline on the chrome.  It 
protects it from the rain."

The guy buys the bike and goes straight to Walmart, where he buys a tube of 
Vaseline. He is a happy biker. He takes the bike over to show his girlfriend. 
She is impressed.  Since she always wanted to get fucked by a biker, they 
have jubilant sex. That night, they decide to ride the bike over to her 
parents' house. It's the first time he's going to meet them, and he figures 
the Harley will make a good impression. 

When they get to the house, the girlfriend grabs her boyfriend's arm. 
"Honey," she says, "I gotta tell you something about my parents before we go 
in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk.  In fact, the first person who says 
anything during dinner has to do the dishes." 

"No problem," he says. Upon entering the house, he is astounded. Right smack 
in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes.  In the 
family room, another huge stack of dishes.  Piled up the stairs, dirty 
dishes. In fact, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.  

They sit down to dinner. Sure enough, no one says a word.  

As dinner progresses, the boyfriend decides to test the limits.  He leans 
over and kisses his girlfriend. No one says a word. He fondles her breasts.  
He looks at her parents, but sdinner table.  Still, no one says a word.  

"Her Mom's kinda cute," he thinks. So he grabs his girlfriend's mother and 
has his way with her right there on the dinner table. Still, total silence. 

Just then, a few raindrops hit the window, and the boyfriend realizes it's 
starting to rain. He figures he'd better take care of the Harley, and so 
without saying a word he stands up and pulls the Vaseline from his pocket.  

The father stands up and shouts: "All right, all right! I'll do the damned 
dishes."

Second note: The boy takes his girlfriend back home after being out together. 
 They reach the front door.  He leans with one hand on the wall and says, 
"Sweetie, how about a blowjob?"

"What??  You're crazy!"

"Don't worry, hon, no one'll see!"

"Yeah they will!  We're on the front door step for crying out loud!  Someone 
will see!"

"Not at this time of night, babe, c'mon, no one'll show up!"

"No, no, no!  I don't want someone to see!"

"Baby, you'll love it, too, c'mon, I know you will."

"No, no!"

"Cmon, love, don't be like that, c'mon."

At that moment, the door opens and the younger sister shows up at the door in 
her nightgown.  Her hair's totally in disorder.  She's rubbing her eyes.  

She yawns and says, "Dad told me to tell you for you to blow him, or I've got 
to blow him, or he's come down and blow him himself; but for God's sake, tell 
your boyfriend to get his hand off of the intercom button!"

Third note: Two Irishmen are sitting in a small town bar

One of the gents, Mick bragged to Sean, "You know, I had me every woman in 
this town, except of course, me mother and me sister."

"Well," Sean replied, "between you and me we got 'em all."

=====================
Celestial Reviews Index:
=====================

"Teaser" by MichaelD (romance) 10, 10, 10
 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=606426448
 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=606439393
 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=606439405
 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=606439415
 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=606453722
 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=606453728

"Teaser" by Al Steiner (risky sex) 9, 10, 10
 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=444222183

"Bee Stung" by Old Drone (stung by passion) 9, 9, 9
 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=587035079

"More Phone Sex" by Paris Waterman (phone sex) 9, 9, 9
 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=551056435

"Just to Relax " by Captain Steve (spouse watching) 10, 8, 9
 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=605474794

"Partially Stable Carbamides" by Mark Aster (?) 10, 6, 6
 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=609746016 

"A Clean Sweep" by Uther Pendragon (erotic sex education) 10, 10, 10
 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=610035800

"Romancing Jack" by Souvie (romance) 10, 10, 10
 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=608655629

=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================

"Welcome to Miami" by John A (romance). BillyG: 10, 10, 10
 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=605105217

"Obedient Girlfriend" by Chew Toy (mind control sex). Myers: {No numerical 
rating}
 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=580046877

"Paint" by Virago Blue (exhibitionism). Watchful Owl: 8, 4, 5.5
http://x27.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=608075403

=====================
Reposted Reviews:
=====================

* "Teasers," by Vickie Tern (sexual excerpts) 10, 8, 8
 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=246935727
 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=246947224

* "Teasers 2" by Vickie Tern (short subjects) 10, 10, 10
 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=236002685

* "She's a Tease" by Mike Hunt (exhibitionism & flirting) 10, 10, 10
 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=239439625

* "Tease" by Jordan Shelbourne (tease) 10, 10, 10
 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=256308836

* "Tease" by Hawk Richards (sexual titillation) 10, 10, 10
 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=392685247

* "Composition in Cream and Chocolate" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (sexy 
striptease) 10, 10, 10
 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=167888513

* "Sunday Tease" by Monocle (romantic rough sex) 10, 10, 10
 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=510879533

=====================
Here are the Reviews:
=====================

"Teaser" by MichaelD (MichaelD38@aol.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=606426448
 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=606439393
 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=606439405
 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=606439415
 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=606453722
 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=606453728

This week we have back-to-back stories entitled "Teaser." In addition to 
these two "Teasers," there have been two other "Teasers" posted by Vickie 
Tern. I'll repost those reviews. Having made the decision reflected in the 
preceding sentence, I popped into my database the keyword "tease." "Holy 
cow!" exclaimed I to myself. "These stories all have high ratings!" Either 
people who write stories with teasing in the title or as the theme write 
really good stories, or I'm easily impressed by a good tease. Or possibly 
both of the above. Anyway, I am going to repost some of the reviews of these 
"teasing" stories. There are some real beauties here! 

The word "teaser" has several definitions. The definition used in this story 
is not even listed in my unabridged dictionary: It's a ranching term.  When 
you're going to breed a mare that's in heat, you can't let the stallion at 
her right away.  You bring in another horse first to see if she's ready to 
mate.  If she is, you take that horse out and bring in the stallion.  That 
first horse is called the "teaser." In this story, we have an obvious teaser 
and a less obvious, although accidental but possibly more significant, 
teaser. Read the story and then think it over. The moment of reflection may 
give you an interesting twist on this story.

Overall, this is one of those stories about a couple of people who don't know 
they are looking a gift horse in the mouth until they decide to change it in 
the middle of the stream. They go through life ignoring the obvious, and then 
they have to correct this mistake later in life. Dirty Dawg wrote some great 
stories with this theme. This one is also excellent. I'll let you discover 
the twists and turns yourself.

The main reason the lovers fail to connect and almost irreversibly screw up 
their lives is social class. I am a proponent of the belief that inherited 
wealth is the main source of evil and unhappiness in the world. Getting 
wealthy without deserving it is just not good for people. Don't get me wrong, 
if somebody offers to give you a million dollars, take it. But if they give 
you ten million, tell them to shove it up their ass. That's what my grandma 
said, and she claimed to be quoting the bible.

I used to hate certain authors in my American and English literature classes. 
I always thought that Henry James was useless, because all he could do was 
write about insipid rich people. Ditto for William Dean Howells, who (thank 
God) seems to have faded from the curriculum of most schools. I got along a 
lot better with Walt Whitman, Emily Dickinson, Mark Twain, Ernest Hemingway, 
and a lot of the more modern authors.

My first great act of rebellion in school was my essay on "Why the Great 
Gatsby Was Great." I can still remember the line the opening paragraph that 
got me the F on that paper: "Gatsby wasn't great at all. He was an insipid 
rich man and a shallow fool. The title is ironic. The author certainly must 
have known this, and the main impression given by the story is that people 
like Jay Gatsby are the reflection of a misguided, decadent society that 
needs to be reformed. If Fitzgerald wasn't writing ironically, then he 
himself was a fool." I thought I validated my ideas pretty well, but I still 
got the F. The teacher said I wrote on the wrong topic and that I was wrong 
anyway, because I had disagreed with what she had told us in class. I kept 
that paper as proof that not all authority figures deserve respect. I just 
dug it out and reread it, and I still think I was right. But the teacher did 
me a good deed. She turned me into the sort of misguided, anti-authority 
nonconformist who would eventually write reviews for an erotic newsgroup.

So the protagonists in the present story are struggling with values that 
interfere with living a good life. They are as screwed up as Jay Gatsby or 
Silas Lapham or those fools in the stories by Henry James. Eventually, some 
of them get their act together, but I can't tell you which ones.

I digress. Read this story. It's long, but it's worth the time.

Ratings for "Teaser"
Athena (plot & character): 10
Venus (technical quality): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Teaser" by Al Steiner (al_steiner@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=444222183

As you start reading this story, you'll say to yourself (or at least I did), 
"This is really interesting, but what in the world does it have to do with 
sex?"  I mean, I was a third of the way through the story, and the only 
four-letter F-word had been Ford (as in Falcon). The only fluid that had 
become visible was radiator fluid. The only woman in evidence was an 
overweight mother with kids in tow. Patience....

This story took place back in the days when college kids spent their time 
taking bong hits, when people went to movies at places called drive-ins, when 
COBOL was the programming language of choice, and Woody was a Woopecker. In 
this case the title refers to a "cock-teaser" - a damsel who incites a suitor 
to blue balls. The sort of person who will stroke a guy's cock at a drive-in 
movie and get him into the habit of jerking off twice a day.

Here's the secret: the housewife, who is married to the narrator's really 
good friend, likes to take chances. So she teases him and has sex with him in 
really risky places. I would never do this, because it would be a violation 
of social etiquette. But it's really pretty sexy to think about.

Ratings for "Teaser"
Athena (plot & character): 9
Venus (technical quality): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Bee Stung" by Old Drone (beeman@beemman.free-online.co.uk).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=587035079

This is a first for me - a story about a man getting stung on his engorged 
pecker. The result is that it engorges further, and the man has some 
interesting experiences both with the expanded member and with getting it 
back to normal size.

I really don't know if this story is scientifically or medically accurate. I 
asked my husband, and he said that the only time he let a bee get inside his 
clothing, it stung him right away. But this was on the leg, not on his dick. 
He really didn't like to even think about getting a stinger on his dinger.

The most analogous experience in which I have partaken occurred when my 
husband was overwhelmed one night with desperate passion for me and tried to 
unzip his pants too quickly. He cut himself slightly but painfully on the 
zipper. All I know is that he got out of the mood for sex as suddenly as he 
had gotten into it.

But then, maybe this story is what the birds and the bees are all about. But 
I'd hate to think so.

Ratings for "Bee Stung"
Athena (plot & character): 9
Venus (technical quality): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"More Phone Sex" by Paris Waterman (the_panda@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=551056435

This story consists of a "transcript" of two women conversing on the 
telephone. My main problem was that the two woman got way too hot way too 
fast: what they were saying too each other just wasn't that immediately 
orgasmic. Other than that, it was a nice little story - even the part about 
the dog licking one of the woman to orgasm, while she (the woman, not the 
dog) brought the other (woman, not dog) to orgasm by telephone.

Ratings for "More Phone Sex" 
Athena (plot & character): 9
Venus (technical quality): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Just to Relax " by Captain Steve (sailtwo@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=605474794

The man has gone bar-hopping in hopes of getting lucky. He finds a woman "who 
has never done this sort of thing before." Well then, who is that out on the 
balcony? Well, maybe she has done this sort of thing before, but her husband 
likes to watch. That's OK, as long as the sex is good. What an idiot that guy 
on the balcony has to be. The story ends with a nice twist <wink>.

I had a problem with the formatting of the text of this story. I know it is 
not considered good form to criticize WRITING because it is badly formatted, 
and sometimes the formatting is not even the author's fault. However, the 
text of this story was run together with no skipped lines or spaces at the 
end of paragraphs. This made the story just plain unappetizing to look at. 
Had the author not asked for a review, I would have skipped it. I'm glad I 
didn't skip it, because it was a good story. What I am pointing out here is 
that formatting DOES make a difference, and authors should do what they can 
to help their readers. There have been many comments in a.s.s.d. to help with 
formatting problems, and I suggest that authors seek assistance in that forum.

Ratings for "Just to Relax "
Athena (plot & character): 10
Venus (technical quality): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Partially Stable Carbamides" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com).
 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=609746016

Mark Aster is an excellent writer. Of that I am certain. However, after 
reading this story, I have no idea what it was about. I was annoyed by the 
apparently meaninglessness. In addition, the entries are given in 
chronological order, starting with the most recent and working backwards. I 
was struck by the fond notion that maybe the chronology would give me some 
sort of structure, but no luck.

In all fairness, I reacted the same way when I read T.S. Eliott's "Waste 
Land." I didn't know what that was about either. As with Eliott's poem, I 
kept running across allusions to people, topics, and ideas that I recognized. 
There was coherence amidst the chaos. Imagine that. But as far as I could 
ascertain, all we have here is a bunch of partially stable carbamides.

 Of course, there was also the student who turned in her five-page poem with 
the pages in the wrong order, and it made no worse sense in the wrong order 
than in the correct order.

So, maybe you'll like this story.

Ratings for "Partially Stable Carbamides"
Athena (plot & character): 10
Venus (technical quality): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6

"A Clean Sweep" by Uther Pendragon ()
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=610035800

The young girl is getting close to "doing it" with her boyfriend, and she 
goes to her aunt for some advice. The aunt teaches her how to use a broom 
stick to acclimate herself to a condom.

This is Uther's entry in his own contest. I have to admit that I have never 
thought of a broomstick in this way. I thought that's what cucumbers were for.

Ratings for "A Clean Sweep"
Athena (plot & character): 10
Venus (technical quality): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Romancing Jack" by Souvie (souvien22@yahoo.com).
 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=608655629

This is another one of those stories about a person who doesn't know how good 
she had it until she loses it. But maybe she'll regain it!

Trying to explain this story in any detail would ruin it for you. I suggest 
you find this story and enjoy it.

Ratings "Romancing Jack"
Athena (plot & character): 10
Venus (technical quality): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10


=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================

"Welcome to Miami" by John A (John3365a@aol.com). Guest Review by BillyG 
(hayden@mindless.com)
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=605105217

Of the intellectual and emotional attractions that tug at me when I read 
alt.sex.stories, the strongest are those that say, I know you - you're just 
like me.  To the degree that such identification nudges us, we may be pulled 
into a story's vortex or simply bumped right back out, the literary 
equivalent of tissue rejection.  It's the nature of many of the so-called 
erotic tales posted here that they're so superficial and fantasy-based that 
they glance off, hardly making a mental ripple.  I'm delighted to say that 
"Welcome to Miami" is not of that genre.

Mike is a very human guy, a writer who is recovering from a failed marriage 
and isn't even considering another relationship.  He's spending time with his 
buddies who've come to Miami to see a football game.  An attractive stranger 
in a bar, a spilled drink and before you know it, quite unbidden, Mike meets 
Kelly.  The connection and the energy that develops catches both them by 
surprise.  Kelly's willing to take a chance, though she's grounded 
sufficiently to protect her heart.  Mike is emotionally tossed about by the 
suddenness and intensity of the sexual squall.  Unprepared and uncertain, he 
does the only thing he knows - retreats. Still, the connection would appear 
to be more rooted than Mike appreciates and he slowly moves away from the 
safety of his isolation and becomes willing to take a chance with love once 
again.

The story and the people are very attractive and more, quite believable.  I 
suspect that many of us could be Mike or Kelly in the drama of our own lives. 
Read it. Do. It's sweet and sexy and achingly poignant.

Ratings for "Welcome to Miami
Athena (technical quality): 10 (despite a few minor glitches)
Venus (plot & character):   10
BillyG (appeal to reviewer):10

"Obedient Girlfriend" by () Guest review by Dave Myers.
Now *this* is a funny story. Sometimes it's hard to get humor right in 
erotica, and a lot of attempts fall flat. This one sticks it.  The plot is 
that the best-friend/hypnotist has to help her pal loosen up her man. He's 
just not putting on the moves where he should. So she makes up some hypno 
video tapes. Ordinarily, the process described would seem a little corny, but 
that's all deflected nicely by the humor, and we can buy it here. Maybe we 
can buy it in a John Waters sense, at the very least (a high form of 
compliment coming from me). Things go... umm... wrong, and the result is a 
pretty cool sexual situation with the three of them.

Don't ask me how it works, it just does. Part of it, I guess, is that the 
main character is made to be believably innocent-- not having a real clue 
that she is a troublemaker to her core. But mostly, it's the joy of getting 
to read lines like "Some people smash dishes; some people write nasty letters 
to their exes; I make evil mind-control hypnosis videos," while at the same 
time being aware that the story is going to have some twists and turns and 
group action to boot.

{No numerical rating}


""Paint" by Virago Blue (mdmvirago@aol.com).  Guest review by Watchful Owl.
http://x27.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=608075403

Two lovers. One naked neighbor. And enough paint to cover the walls of a 
room. Paint. Rated R.

Sorry, I slipped into move trailer mode for a second there. <grin> Forgive 
the silliness, but that one sentence summed up pretty much the entire story. 
It seems that an extremely sexy young woman lives next door to our heroes, 
and she likes to swing on her swingset totally naked. The couple (mentioned 
in the trailer) get aroused by the sight and screw like rabbits.

It's an interesting little concept, and well written. However, there is 
nothing substantial to it. Give it a go if you've got a spare seven and a 
half minutes. Otherwise, don't bother.

Ratings for "Paint"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot and character): 4
Watchful Owl (appeal to reviewer): 5.5

=====================
Reposted Reviews:
=====================

*"Teasers" by Vickie Tern (VickieTern@aol.com).

This is a series of short, unrelated passages that generally have a 
transgender or femdom theme.  Each is provocative enough to make the reader 
wonder what this is all about and to stimulate the imagination.  It's kind of 
like lying in bed trying to sleep while your spouse channel surfs on a cable 
system that has only erotic stories.  You would hear parts of several 
consecutive stories.  Each segment would put ideas into your head that you 
could either go with or not, and then you would abruptly move on to another 
channel.  This was an interesting experience.

Ratings for "Teasers"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

* "Teasers 2" by Vickie Tern(VickieTern@aol.com).  

I first met Robert Browning under the sterile tutelage of a nun whom I shall 
refer to as Sister Mary Poetry.  I was shocked that semester by the comment 
of one of my classmates who said that what SMP really needed was to get laid. 
 I met her at a subsequent class reunion and discovered that several years 
after I graduated, Sister left the convent and did indeed get laid - probably 
more often and with richer variety than almost anyone we have read about on 
a.s.s.  However, by the time of our reunion, she had a Ph.D. in English, was 
a Little League mother driving a station wagon, and was happily married to 
her third husband.

Anyway, under her instruction I discovered that Robert Browning was boring as 
hell, and I could not understand what Elizabeth Barrett saw in him that would 
make her want to count the ways she loved him.  Then in college I had an 
English prof who read "My Last Duchess" out loud to me correctly, and I 
discovered that it was a magnificent but concise revelation of the character 
of the person who was describing his previous wife in that poem.  All of this 
has nothing to do with the present set of "teasers," except that some of them 
reminded me strongly of Browning's poetry.  That is, I thought at first that 
I was reading a really simple description, and then suddenly I realized I was 
reading about something a lot different and substantially more shocking than 
had been my original impression.

This author does something similar with this set of "teasers."  They vary 
greatly in quality and in subject matter, but they generally have a narrator 
telling a story in which a sudden twist occurs that left me with a completely 
different impression than I thought I was going to get from the story.

I like these teasers.  I like them so much that I am going to proclaim the 
Third Annual Celestial Writing Contest.  The rules are that the story must in 
some way be about sex and must be restricted to 500 words or less.  In 
addition, the story should include some sort of unusual twist - like the 
unexpected self-revelation in "My Last Duchess" or the suprise endings in 
several of Vickie Tern's or Deirdre's stories.  If you wish, you can submit 
several super-short stories together (as this author has now done on two 
occasions), or you can post them separately under separate titles.  However, 
I'll give first prize to the best STORY, not to the best collection.  The 
deadline for submissions will be June 3, which my calendar tells me is the 
date on which the Catholic Church will celebrate the feast of St. Charles 
Lwanga and his companions.

Ratings for "Teasers 2"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "She's a Tease" by Mike Hunt (M1KE HUNT@aol.com).  

The neighbor has bought a new dress for a dinner party, and she wants to try 
it on for Mike Hunt to see if it is inappropriately sexy.  Sure - Mike Hunt 
is always willing to help a lady in dis-dress.

"Wow!"  Mike Hunt often resorts to palindromes when aroused.  "Wow!"  To be 
sure that she won't come across as too flirtatious with the boss, she has 
Mike Hunt check from several angles.  In my mind I suggested that maybe she 
should try it without underpants.  Not a bad idea - for starters.  

Mike Hunt also helps her with her conversational skills, like the proper 
times to say, "Would you like something to nibble on?" - which could be taken 
the wrong way if the potential recipient of the d'oeuvres were staring down a 
braless cleavage where the tits were becoming a little bit hardened because 
of the flirtatious attitude displayed by the owner of the cleavage. Ahem.  
Hello?  Can I have your attention please?  It would probably be better to 
simply say something like, "Grab 'em while they're hot!"

In my college speech class we learned about a technique called preterition.  
This means that the speaker tells her listeners something by telling them 
that she's not going to tell them what she wants to tell them.  A simple 
example is, "... and I won't even mention the fact that my pussy is soaking 
wet right now!"  This story exemplifies that technique, but we'll call it 
flirterition - the woman flirts by practicing not flirting. "Grab 'em while 
they're hot!"

Ratings for "She's a Tease"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Tease" by Jordan Shelbourne (jordan@u36.com).  

Sometimes it's possible to read a lot into a story - even one that's just 500 
words long.  This story is about using a sexy story to "tease" a man to work 
harder.  It's also about a woman who can "tease" a man by the way she 
conducts herself while bringing him off with her lips.  It's also a "tease" 
because it leaves us wishing for more.

Ratings for "Tease"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Tease" by Hawk Richards (hawkrds@aol.com). Guest review by The Bear 
(thebear@io.com).

"Tease," by Hawk Richards, is a good story. It begins with a man and woman on 
a date at a nice restaurant. The male narrator describes the woman's 
exquisite features in appreciative detail while they flirt over dinner, and 
then he takes her home and she invites him in for coffee. Sexual activity 
ensues, including an arousingly written session of cunnilingus. I'm not going 
to say anything further about the plot, except that the teasing you expect 
may not be the teasing that you find.

This story gets a 10 on technical quality, meaning not that it was perfect 
technically but that it was at least as well written as the last thing *I* 
posted <g> and that minor errors didn't detract at all from the story. I had 
a harder time with the plot and character rating - the story doesn't have a 
great deal of plot or character development, but then it is a fairly short 
and straightforward story and didn't need much. I say it has the right amount 
of plot and character for the story it tells, and that gets it a 10. I had an 
even more difficult time with the subjective appeal to reviewer rating. The 
story as a whole didn't really push any buttons for me, but then there were 
those nice descriptions of the girl and those hot paragraphs of oral sex ... 
I finally decided that was worth a 10.

Ratings for "Tease"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot and character): 10
Bear (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Composition in Cream and Chocolate" by Mary Anne Mohanraj 
(moh2@midway.uchicago.edu).  I found it difficult to determine exactly what 
was happening in this story.  After reading a paragraph or two I often found 
myself reaching a point where I gained a new piece of information and had to 
back up to fit it into the picture that was gradually emerging in my mind's 
eye.  This ambiguity is not a flaw; it's intentional - end it's very well 
done.  

The theme is unusual: a male stripper gradually revealing himself and 
offering his attentions to a female patron.  I have never attended such a 
show myself, and all my vicarious experiences have consisted of films and 
stories about female strippers.  I HAVE gone with my husband to bars with 
striptease dancers (while we've been away at conventions - so that none of my 
students will see me entering the establishment and so that I won't 
accidentally discover one of my coworkers at her night job.)  My impression 
has invariably been one of disappointment; the dancers were simply not very 
sexy.  They seemed to be in worse shape than myself, bored with their jobs, 
and concerned primarily about squeezing tips out of patrons before putting on 
a tawdry display that wasn't really sexy at all.  Nevertheless, it seems 
reasonable to FANTASIZE about exotic dancers in terms of wonderment; and this 
story turns the tables by making a male dancer the center of attention. I 
guess what we have here is the male stripper equivalent of the ideal lap 
dance. This was a new and very erotic experience for me.

The show starts in near darkness, as does our understanding of what is going 
on.  Even at the end of the story, I wasn't sure exactly what had happened.  
The sex had been explicit, though conducted by candlelight in a dark room; 
but questions remained unanswered.  All along I had assumed that the woman 
was a patron - but at the end we hear an audience applauding.  And near the 
very end we have a reference to a pile of cream and chocolate skin; and I am 
struck with the realization that the woman is brown-skinned and the man is 
white.  OK; the two must BOTH be dancers, and they've been putting on a show 
for an audience.... That's why it's called "Composition in Cream and 
Chocolate."  Wait a minute!  I'm going to have to reread major parts of this 
erotic narrative - maybe even the whole thing - to see if my new theory fits. 
 Gee, that's too bad.  I'm already turned on, and you can never tell what a 
second reading is going to do to me....

In recent reviews I have railed against what I have called a demeaning use of 
interracial sex in some of the stories.  This story does NOT fall into that 
category.  The skin color is part of the ambiance - music, skin color, facial 
features, nipples, actions, etc. - that create a sexually charged, poetic 
atmosphere.  This is an excellent story. This author has a whole collection 
of her stories on the Web at http://mud.bsd.uchicago.edu.

Ratings for "Composition in Cream and Chocolate"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Sunday Tease" by Monocle (monocle_o@NOTTHIS.hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=510879533

The author sent me this a long time ago. I put it at the top of my inbox, but 
then kept putting more and more things on top of it. I finally dug it back 
up, and I'm glad I did.

The man and his wife have just recently procreated. Whilst the little bundle 
of joy is sleeping, they go about their daily duties - cleaning up the house 
and such matters. However, she is dressed to tease him. In the end <g> the 
little cockteaser gets what she's asking for.

I have never had sex with a post partum woman whose breasts are engorged with 
milk, but I have been present when my husband has done so. This sort of thing 
can be lots of fun, and the author conveys the festivities effectively.

Ratings for "Sunday Tease" 
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10


<end>

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