Celestial Reviews 84 - May 15, 1996

Note:  Irony can be a thing of beauty.  This evening, while I was 
posting CR 83, I scanned a.s.s. for interesting stories and messages.  
I found one message that stated there were no good stories on a.s.s.  
Then I found another (apparently unrelated) message listing the 10 Best 
Writers on a.s.s.  As I looked at that list, I recognized only a few of 
the names; but if all I knew about a.s.s. was the work of the authors 
listed there, I myself would conclude that there were no good stories 
on a.s.s.

Actually, there are numerous excellent stories on a.s.s.  The problem 
is finding them among all the truly inane garbage that also fills space 
in the postings.  I think my reviews can be helpful; but a serious 
problem is that many of the stories disappear from the postings before 
a person knows about them through my reviews.  There’s no easy way to 
solve that problem.  The two best strategies are these: (1) Authors can 
repost their stories when they see them in my reviews.  Many authors do 
this, and readers appreciate this assistance.  (2) Readers should 
consider getting a better gateway to the newsgroup.  I’ll admit that my 
service, America Online, has some problems; but at least I can find 
nearly all the stories that are posted on a.s.s., and they stay in my 
postings for about ten days.  Other services seem to list only a few of 
the stories and/or to delete them from their postings after only a day 
or two.

Another possible solution is for me to post a list of “excellent 
authors.”  I have done this in the past, and I’ll do it again now.  I 
realize I am going to hurt someone’s feelings by leaving him/her off 
this list, and I’m sorry about that.  By putting a name on this list, I 
am stating that I think readers can safely select almost any story by 
that author and find a literate treatment of a topic related to sex.  
Here’s the list (arranged alphabetically):

      A. Van Peebles
      Ann Douglas
      Backrub
      Bazarov
      BEAR
      BillyG
      Celeste (C'est moi!)
      D.A. Ignatius (DarkNites)
      Dafney Dewitt
      Damya
      deirdre (Sherwood Anderson)
      Delta
      Dirty Dawg (Dawson Rambo)
      DJ810
      Dorvis Slaughter
      Dr. Watson
      Ed Stauff
      Elf Sternberg
      Erostos
      Estragon
      Friar Dave
      Gina Marie
      Green Onions
      Jackie
      Javahead
      Jonathan Dzoba
      Linda B.
      Lori Grenci
      Lysander
      Mark Aster (Allen Sisters Stories)
      Mercury
      Michael K. Smith
      Michelle Lurker
      Ng Sisters  (Deidre & Tammy)
      Patrick Donovan
      Peter V. Principle
      Rajah Dodger
      Ramapo
      Rocket88
      Rondu
      Santo J. Romeo (Author of Martha Jane)
      smoot2
      Spook
      Stephanie
      SueNH (also WithSue)
      TEX
      Tom in Sacramento
      Vickie Tern
      Walter Slaven
      Wollstonecraft
      
Arranging these authors alphabetically was itself an interesting 
experience.  It had never occurred to me that listing authors 
alphabetically BY FIRST NAME would make sense; but when almost all 
authors are using pseudonyms, that seemed to be the best approach!

Here’s a second list.  These are authors with whom I am not as familiar 
as I am with those on the first list. By putting a name on this list, I 
am stating that I think readers can _probably_ select a story by that 
author and find a good story.  Undoubtedly some of these authors write 
stories that are even better than those by authors on the first list; 
maybe they’ll move up to the other list the next time I do this.


      Calloway
      Daniel Shechori
      Dave Schulte
      Eli the Bearded
      Frank McCoy
      Grimbo
      Horangi
      Horny Toad
      I Robert
      J.M.
      James Dawson
      Joe Parsons
      Jon Hallmark
      Jordan Shelbourne
      Kid Dynamite
      M Smith
      M.M. Twassel
      Mickey
      Morpheus' Twin
      Nom de Plume
      Observer
      Of 2 minds
      R.C.
      Rainman
      Richard Baudouin
      Roger T Pipe
      Rojack
      SexySailor
      Shelby Bush
      Solo Polyphony
      Steve Black
      Timer
      TropicCool
      TruthHurts
      Walter Fortner
      Zhong
      
I am absolutely certain that I will offend someone by my posting of 
these lists.  Please try to get over it.  If your name or the name of a 
favorite author is not on this list, assume that I made a mistake.  If 
you send me suggestions, I probably will not apologize; but I may add 
suggested names to future lists.

In addition, names on a.s.s. are an inexact science.  I suspect I have 
listed a few people twice - under different aliases.  In addition, 
there are no doubt writers other than the ones to whom I intended to 
refer who post with names very similar to those on my lists.  For 
example, there is another author named Celeste, who I understand is 
almost my equal in the sack, but doesn’t write as well as I do - or is 
it vice versa?

It would be helpful to readers if the authors would put their names in 
the title line of the posting.  A minor adjustment like that may make 
it possible for readers to find your stories.

Second note:  Consider writing a short note to the author of a story 
that you like.  The authors do not get paid for contributing to this 
newsgroup. The authors need reader response not so much to boost their 
egos as just to know somebody is out there reading.  If you appreciate 
the authors efforts, tell them about it.  Likewise, if you’re concerned 
about helping them avoid eternal damnation....

Third note:  A belated Happy Mother’s Day to all you mothers out there!  
Look up “mother” in an unabridged dictionary.  In addition to the 
traditional, expected definitions, you’ll find definitions that fit 
these sentences:

      “The stupid mother wanted nothing but sex all day!
      “The dildo she strapped on herself was one huge mother!”
      “I had the mother of all orgasms this morning!”

Aren’t metaphors wonderful?  Notice that maternal metaphors often merit 
an exclamation point.

- Celeste

      “A Day on the Bay” by Joe Parsons (sex on a boat & mild
            bondage) 10, 10, 10
      “Under the Table” by DOLFAN353 (exhibitionism & wife
             watching) 10, 10, 10
      “Study Break” by D.A. Ignatius (dreamlike sex) 10, 8, 10
     *"Terri's Dilemma" by The Observer (romance) 10, 10, 10
     *“Catty Corner” by SueNH (voyeurism) 10, 10, 10
    **“Across the Catty Corner (voyeurism) 10, 10, 10
      “Reflection” by D.A. Ignatius (dreamlike sex) 10, 8, 10
      “Sex in a Birthday Suit” by The Creator (sexy celebration)
            7, 7, 7
      “Sex, Proposals and ESPN” by The Creator (sex & basketball)
            7, 7, 7
      “Library of Congress” by Mark Aster (sex in the library)
            10, 10, 10
      “Masterbation (sic) for an English Professor” by 
            QuantmLady (masturbation) 3, 5, 7

* Repost of a previous review (because the story has been 
   reposted)
** Repost of a previous review (because a story to which it 
   is related has been reposted)

“A Day on the Bay” by Joe Parsons (jmp@cyber-mall.com).  The woman gets 
knocked overboard and is then rescued by the skipper of the craft.  
They are the only two on board.  Since she might experience 
hypothermia, he undresses her and puts her into a dry sleeping bag.  To 
share his warmth with her, he gets naked himself and climbs in with 
her.  Eventually she expresses her gratitude to the skipper for saving 
her life, and then the ship's captain expresses his gratitude to her 
for expressing her gratitude.  This is a very good story - especially 
for nautical people and for Baywatch fans - who will, of course, insert 
themselves and their favorite characters into the story line.

Ratings for “A Day on the Bay”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

“Under the Table” by DOLFAN353 (dolfan353@aol.com). Charles has been 
having trouble with his fiancee.  He is discussing the matter with the 
beautiful woman who has agreed to have lunch with him.  "Did you ever 
hear of such a thing?" Charles says, while driving to the restaurant. 
"For two years we've had great sex. Now she wants to play this virgin 
thing and pretend that our wedding night will be our first time. I hope 
you don't think I am being too personal with you. It's just that you're 
pretty easy to talk to and I need a woman's perspective on this."  

They go to a quiet Italian restaurant, where they get an isolated 
table.  Sally seduces him and gives him a discreet, five-minute hand-
job under the table.  Fortunately, Sally has already received her 
husband’s permission to do this, as long as she tells him about it 
afterwards.  The author concludes with a postscript asking to hear what 
women think of this story.  This woman thought it was a very sexy.  In 
real life I would LIKE to do something like this, but I won’t - because 
other real people would be involved and would probably be hurt.  On the 
other hand, I really don’t think I’m a prude in this regard.  I 
actually HAVE done almost exactly what this story says, only my husband 
was the other person at the table and I simply played the role of a 
very hot former coworker of his.  No harm, no foul!

Ratings for “Under the Table”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
 
“Study Break” by D.A. Ignatius (Darknites) (jash@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu).  
Parts of this vignette will be familiar to any college student.  The 
guy has been studying long and hard for the impossible course.  At 2:00 
a.m. he takes a break and lies down on his bed and closes his eyes for 
just a minute before continuing.  Suddenly, he realizes he has drifted 
off to sleep; but he is no longer alone.  Warm lips surround his cock.  
Etc.  Was this all a dream?  But then how would he explain the silver 
ring on the bedside table by his clock?

Parts of this vignette will be familiar to almost all college students 
- in their dreams!

Ratings for “Study Break”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

*"Terri's Dilemma" by The Observer (lsummers@onramp.onramp.net).  This 
author has revised and reposted this story.  The least I can do is 
acknowledge the improvements by repeating the review.  The narrator has 
been keeping company with Terri as a sort of favor to the family.  Her 
boyfriend is in the army, and somebody has to hang out with her.  The 
story opens with Terri giving the narrator a ferocious slap for no good 
reason. He responds with a grim determination to take the bitch home 
and dump her for good.  However, as every British schoolgirl knows, 
when a girl slaps a guy for no discernible reason, it's because she 
loves him.  And if the recipient of the aggression would simply get a 
grip on himself, he would realize that the emotions are reciprocal.

I'm not going to retell the story; the fun is in finding out what's 
going to happen.  I'll only say that in many ways this story is a 
fusion of the previous two stories in this review.  Like "Old Friends" 
this story is built around power struggles; and like “Lisa” it 
describes the fruition of a relationship that began badly.  Oh - I 
almost forgot.  The sex scenes are some of the hottest ever; and their 
heat is intensified by the chemistry of the context.

One thing I had trouble with was the anal sex scene.  I have come to 
the conclusion that anal sex is uniquely personal.  This story and 
several others describe it as painful.  I have engaged in anal sex with 
a loving partner, and I have experienced no pain.  The guy in this 
story seems to want to dominate his lover and she wants to be 
dominated.  Domination is not a conscious part of my anal sex.  I like 
anal sex because it’s a violation of a taboo that’s just waiting to be 
broken; it’s a way to be nasty without really being nasty at all.  I 
think the secret lies in having a gentle lover who has rimmed the 
asshole tenderly and has finger fucked it on previous occasions and who 
uses plenty of lubrication when he finally rams his dick home.  
Remember, the ass doesn't naturally lubricate, and it may be useful to 
withdraw and add some extra KY before finishing the job.  I guess the 
other part of the secret is to relax and enjoy it; if you're tense, I 
guess it might hurt like hell.  I have learned to relax and enjoy it so 
much that once when I had to have a barium enema I was afraid I would 
have a sexual climax in the examination room through association with 
anal sex.  We engage in anal sex less often than in other forms, but I 
would describe the feeling as slutty (in the best sense of the word) 
and very filling.  {In my fantasy life, I would like to have one cock 
in my cunt and one in my ass.}  In addition, there's the side advantage 
of making me look forward to my next GI series.

This is an extremely creative and generally well-written story. The 
author uses a nice variety of stylistic techniques.  I especially liked 
the way the narrator's perspective kept changing as Terri's behaviors 
shifted in response to the narrator’s own actions.  I also liked the 
wide variety of writing styles that the author blended into an 
integrated story.

Ratings for "Terri's Dilemma"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

*"Catty Corner" by Sue.  I loved this story.  So many writers on a.s.s. 
can describe hot sex; but Sue has the knack of putting it into the 
context of a really creative story.  This one comes with a double 
whammy - a voyeur watching a voyeur and then the voyeurs watching each 
other.  I just resolved earlier today to be a little rougher in my 
ratings.  I also resolved to give my husband a break from passion 
tonight.  Oh, well; there go my resolutions.

Ratings for “Catty Corner”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

**"Across the Catty Corner" by Backrub.  In a previous review I gave a rating 
of 10 to "Catty Corner" by Sue.  I pointed out that "Catty Corner" came with a 
double whammy - a voyeur watching a voyeur and then the voyeurs watching each 
other.  This story brings us to either a triple or quadruple whammy - or at 
least a roaring orgasm.  "Across the Catty Corner" tells the same story from 
the viewpoint of the voyeur in the first story, and then goes on to describe 
what happens afterwards.  It's simply delightful!  I hope that Sue reads this 
review and reposts "Catty Corner" as soon as possible.  I think the second 
story will stand alone; but I know I enjoyed it more after first reading Sue's 
story.  Incidentally, I can just imagine Deidre or Tammy Ng writing a sequel 
to this story - probably from the perspective of one of them leaving a 
telephone message for the other about what they did while they read this pair 
of stories - or perhaps what an unnamed reviewer did shortly after reading 
these stories.  No - that's too much of a stretch.

 Ratings for “Across the Catty Corner”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

“Reflection” by D.A. Ignatius (Darknites) (jash@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu).  
Anne has had a rough day.  Adam notices this and pampers the hell out 
of her - first with a hot bath and then by giving her a gentle but 
screaming orgasm.  This is why God created husbands.  I think it says 
in the bible somewhere that the ideal husband puts his wife’s pleasure 
first and even when he is deriving intense satisfaction from playing 
hide the salami with her, he does so in such a way as to drive her to 
even greater heights of gratification.  In this story the passion is 
intensified by the presence of a full-length mirror, in which Adam and 
Anne can watch themselves make love.

I think I have reviewed all the DarkNites stories now.  For a while 
there I got my signals crossed with the person who was posting them (my 
fault, not his), and a few of them may have appeared in the wrong order 
in your postings.  No problem!  If any of stories with DarkNites in the 
title line appear in your postings, you can safely download them and 
expect a literate, erotic story.  The author’s best stories deal with 
passion and (sometimes) power struggles between people who are in love.

Ratings for “Reflection”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
 
“Sex in a Birthday Suit” by The Creator (bestfcjc@aol.com).  It’s the 
guy’s birthday and his girlfriend of one year comes back into town by 
surprise to celebrate with him.  (She has been on tour playing in 
“Grease.”  I found the dialog to be a little slow, but others may like 
it, if they enjoy eavesdropping on clever repartee between fucker and 
fuckee.

Ratings for “Sex in a Birthday Suit”
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
 
“Sex, Proposals and ESPN” by The Creator (bestfcjc@aol.com).  The guy 
wakes up in the morning and flicks on his VCR, so that he can watch the 
game that he missed while he was doing the wild thing with his 
girlfriend the night before.  But then he gets distracted, because his 
girlfriend is still with him and she wakes up and has a proclivity for 
something other than basketball.  The author tries to integrate the sex 
with the action described by the announcer in the background (“He 
shoots.... He scores!”); but I don’t think he quite brought it off the 
way he wanted to.  Oh!  And at the very end of the story he pops the 
question and she says yes.  Isn’t that the sweetest thing you ever 
heard?

Ratings for “Sex, Proposals and ESPN”
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
 
“Library of Congress” by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com).  The title is a 
bit deceptive.  The story doesn’t take place in the Library of 
Congress, where activities like this are fairly common, but rather in a 
sub-basement of the medical law library where Julie goes to school.  
What do you suppose would happen if Our Hero and Julie were wrapping up 
a study session in a lonely library area, occupied only by the 
classical, bespectacled librarian and the gangly adolescent with the 
book cart?  Just as you might expect, Julie seduces the librarian by 
giving her The Look.  Then while Julie settles her overdue fines with 
the book kid on the study table, Our Hero does the silent serenade with 
the librarian among the stacks.  It’s very sexy stuff; this author is 
at his best when he’s describing two couples copulating simultaneously.  
If synchronized sex ever becomes an Olympic sport, I want Mark Aster 
for my team’s coach.

Ratings for “Library of Congress”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
 
“One of Those Days” by Delta (an248969@anon.penet.fi).  I made a minor 
mistake recently.  I posted a review of this story without realizing 
that Delta had sent me a pre-publication rough draft.  Having seen the 
final draft (which she is posting today), I have to “change her grade.”   
She had read my review of "Turn of the Cards" by RC, in which I 
compared that author’s work to Deirdre’s mind control stories. Delta 
pointed out to me that what Deirdre does well is to _not_ allow the 
reader to get a clear grasp of what is going on.  Never does Deirdre 
tell how the mind control is being achieved.  We can _guess_, but we 
never know. Deirdre does give subtle clues which point in certain 
directions; but the story can never actually be figured out - and that 
is the strength of writers like Deirdre and Sherwood Anderson.

Once an author unveils a mechanism, be it hypnosis, a mind control 
machine, or simply the power of personality, the reader is open to 
skepticism. Deirdre, by dint of not explaining anything, avoids this.  
Her stories are very short; usually they are more vignettes than 
stories.  They start in the middle, and they usually end in the middle, 
too.

When reading many of Deirdre's stories, the reader is held by the same 
fascination as a person watching a train wreck.  A “weak” character, by 
taking the easy path, becomes entangled in something which a show of 
will would have prevented. We think how easily such a thing could 
happen, all the while being repelled by the thought, yet fascinated as 
the character spirals downwards into the trap to which s/he has opened 
her/himself.

The other thing about Deirdre's stories is that they often focus on 
“anal delights” which are still a bit taboo, and this raises the ante 
somewhat.  Delta suggested that perhaps the anal aspect is a draw for 
me personally.  Perhaps I have misled my readers.  I DO enjoy anal sex; 
but it’s not as if I take it up the ass every night.  The fact that 
other people consider it to be a special taboo or a distinctive form of 
humiliation probably adds to the intimacy I share with my husband 
during our relatively rare but highly pleasant anal activities.

Anyway, Delta has written a mind control story.  I cannot tell you much 
about it, because a major part of your enjoyment will flow from trying 
to figure out what is happening.  Read it and “enjoy” - as the story 
says in its concluding statement.

Ratings for “One of Those Days”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

“Masterbation (sic) for an English Professor” by QuantmLady 
(quantmlady@aol.com).  Let’s clear up some problems about masturbation 
before they get out of hand.  The way this author spells the word, it 
sounds like a masterbater is an apprentice to a master fisherman.  I 
tried to look up the derivation, but my dictionaries were either vague 
or prudish.  I vaguely remember being told by a very good English 
professor that the word was derived from “mas” + “turbation.”  The 
“turbation” part is related to the “turb” in “disturb,” “perturb,” and 
“turbine” - a disturbance or spinning motion.  It was a stimulating 
presentation, but I became distracted and have forgotten the details.  
(I suppose the concept of masturbation antedates the turbocharger; 
otherwise we could have a really interesting metaphor here.)  I don’t 
know what the “mas” prefix means.  If someone could tell me the whole 
derivation of this term, I would appreciate it.

The story itself appears to be a response of a female student to a 
writing assignment.  What I picture is a stodgy English prof telling 
the class to write about “an intense personal experience” and then 
spilling his coffee all over himself when he came across this essay at 
the breakfast table or in the faculty lounge.  This is actually a good 
example of a rough draft.  It’s badly organized, peppered with 
grammatical errors, and generally badly written; but a writer need not 
be concerned about such details while doing a first draft.  The idea of 
a first draft is to get the juices flowing - to write down the 
important ideas before they get away and to go back through the essay 
and add ideas as they pop into the author’s mind.  At a later stage the 
author can refine the ideas so that someone else can make sense of 
them.

I have often noted that the hardest type of writing to do is to develop 
a literate presentation of illiteracy.  The problem is similar here.  
Perhaps I am mistaken and this author is truly horny but ignorant. 
Quite the contrary, I think this is probably an actual assignment that 
QuantumLady turned in to a real English teacher.  I prefer, for 
example, to believe that QuantumLady can actually spell masturbation as 
well as she performs the activity.  The essay is full of simple 
metaphors and stimulating ideas.  I would be excited (so to speak) to 
receive this as a first draft.  However, it’s very badly written, and I 
would flunk even a high school student who wrote this badly on a final 
draft.

Ratings for “Masterbation for an English Professor”
Athena (technical quality): 3
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7


