Celestial Reviews 59 - Feb 7, 1996

Note:  I know I'm supposed to review stories, not tell them; but the 
following story from a reader of these reviews is just too good to pass 
up.  It reminds me of these heart-warming stories that fill space at 
the bottom of pages in Reader's Digest and in numerous religious 
magazines:

The man and woman were safely locked in their bedroom, wrapping 
presents of their son's ninth birthday. Their daughter (age 11) was in 
on the secret and had been instructed to keep her brrother entertained, 
while they were busy.

After about ten minutes there was the sound of footsteps coming up the 
stairs. It was the boy: "Mommy, can I have a cookie?"

"Yes, all right. " And he went back downstairs.

Five minutes later; he was coming back upstairs. The daughter, 
realizing that she was failing in her duties, called after him, telling 
him to stop. Obviously thinking fast, she shouted, "Leave them alone. 
They're having Sex."

"Oh," he said, and went back downstairs.

Second note: The proofreading service is in full operation, and people 
are reporting successful use of it.  At least one of the stories posted 
today has benefited from that process.  If you want someone to read and 
comment on your story before you post it, contact me.  Do NOT send me 
the entire story; I'll assign one or two proofreaders to your story, 
and you can communicate directly with them.

Third note: If anyone has an occasional sex-related anecdote like that 
in the first note (which falls far short of a full story), send it 
along.  It's nice to have evidence that we sex maniacs are actually 
human beings.

Special Appeal to Proofreaders:  I have received a request for 
proofreading a long (20 chapter, 125 page) story.  I have looked at it 
only closely enough to verify that it is not some kind of silly drivel 
that would be a serious inconvenience to a proofreader.  I have never 
asked anyone to proofread something this long before.  If you're 
interested, let me know.  And remember, if it turns out to be a burden 
to you, you can always gracefully decline later.

- Celeste

      "Upstairs" by Deirdre (spanking) 9
      "Visit" by Deirdre (oral sex & sex slavery) 9
      "Waitress" by Deirdre (spanking) 10
      "To Make You Walk That Extra Mile" by Calloway
           (first time bi experience) 10
      "Making a Splash" by I Robert (levels of reality) 10
      "Mid Morning" by Unknown Author (dreamlike sexual
            encounter) 8
      "Thanksgiving" by Tom in Sacramento (holiday orgy) 10
      "Hot on the Trail: Who in the World is Celeste802?" by
            Backrub and Tammy Ng (sexy detective parody) 10
      "Kin" by Delta (nostalgic retrospective) 10

"Upstairs" by Deirdre.  An adolescent boy is caught by his sister going 
through her diary.  Since their mother had expressly forbidden this, 
the boy is scared and agrees to let the sister punish him herself, if 
only she won't tell Mom.  The sister enjoys this and expands the 
enterprise, so that she is able to spank him long after he has paid for 
the initial offense.  She simply gives him a nod, and a few minutes 
later he's upstairs in the bedroom, naked buttocks exposed, waiting for 
his punishment.  And now, years later, he's visiting his parents with 
his wife, and he sees his sister give him that nod....  (Rating: 9)

"Visit" by Deirdre.  What should a middle-aged, married woman do if the 
beautiful daughter of her best friend suddenly shows up at the door, 
mentions that her college roommate is a lesbian, pushes her against the 
wall, kneels, and licks her cunt in such a way as to give her the 
orgasm of her life?  And what should she do if this happened several 
times in the next few days?  The correct answer is this: check to see 
if she's recruiting sex slaves for her roommate before you decide to 
continue the relationship.  As Mark Twain said, "There's no such thing 
as a free orgasm."  (Rating: 9)

"Waitress" by Deirdre.  What is there about this story that makes me 
like it even more than most of Deirdre's other stories?  Connie and 
Rachel have ordered their meal from a cute little waitress, and Rachel 
says to Connie, "What do you think of her?" and then "Would you like to 
spank her?"  I think the beauty of this story lies in its economy of 
words; in a very short story Deirdre makes an extremely unusual outcome 
seem so perfectly natural.  (Rating: 10) 

"To Make You Walk That Extra Mile" by Calloway 
(an507439@anon.penent.fi). I have seen many stories on a.s.s about 
happily heterosexual women who get it on for the first time with 
another woman; this one is about a happily hetero man who gets it on 
with a guy.  The action is realistic and hot.  The title is part of a 
line from the other man, who came from afar for the festivities: 
"There's nothing like an eager virgin to make you walk that extra 
mile."  I would add that this story verifies what I said in my earlier 
discussion of bisexuality; but I think I got too complex there.  All I 
really meant (and my critics agreed) is that even people who think of 
themselves as strong heterosexuals can benefit from a healthy bisexual 
fantasy now and then.  Is that better?  (Rating: 10)

"Making a Splash" by I Robert (aam15@dial.pipex.com).  In this story, 
events are very erotic, but they seem a bit unreal - and for good 
reason, it turns out.  This is a story that's so short that when you 
finish it and wonder what really happened, you'll be willing to look 
back over the story and enjoy doing so.  It's a very short but very 
creative story.  I don't want to tell you much about it, because it 
will be more fun to discover it yourself. (Rating: 10)

Mid Morning by Unknown Author (MarArch@ix.netcom.com).  This is a good 
description of the fantasies a person might have while she has to 
engage in the drudgery of doing a huge load of laundry on a hot, quiet 
morning in a room that feels like a sauna.  The woman is approached by 
a mysterious neighbor, who fucks her gently.  It's a nice story with 
little real plot - just a snippet for the imagination.  It would have 
benefited from a little proofreading to correct a few minor mistakes 
that sometimes made the story difficult to read.  (Rating: 8)

"Thanksgiving" by Tom in Sacramento (an248036@anon.penet.fi).  Ann is a 
mild mannered former toxicologist who is now a dance therapist and 
active member of the local PTA.  She has a great ass and a pussy whose 
fragrance automatically generates erotic thoughts, even when one's face 
is not nicely nuzzled where it fits best.  She is married to Tom, the 
narrator of the story, a handsome chap who is a journalist.  Jerry, a 
brilliant scholar and sexy lawyer, was the narrator's closest friend in 
college and has become like a brother-in-law to Ann.  The kids have 
gone away for Thanksgiving, and Jerry is visiting the couple for 
Thanksgiving and has brought with him Sue, a professional massuese who 
is at least as attractive as Ann.  I can identify with these people.  

The story opens with Ann and Sue walking ahead of the guys on the 
beach, gently swaying their cute little asses.  (I hope that misplaced 
modifier aroused you as much as it did me.)  From this point you can 
probably guess at least the general outline of the rest of the story; 
but the tale is delightfully told, and the fact that you can guess 
what's going to happen will not diminish your enjoyment of this story.  
And besides, there are some surprises.

Now I have a confession to make - two confessions actually.  Although I 
write these reviews and have become a bit of an expert or at least a 
connoisseur of sexual acrobatics, I have never engaged in an orgy and 
probably never will.  My husband and I both understand the intense 
stimulation and sense of freedom that would be present if we did it 
with another couple, but we also see the value of the one-to-one 
intimacy that we share and don't want to do anything to risk losing 
this.  Nevertheless, I really enjoy picturing in my mind stories like 
this - even while I am making love to my husband

Which brings me to my second confession.  Between the first and second 
paragraphs of this review, I field tested this story.  I can now verify 
(1) that it is possible to come to mutual orgasm with a spouse by 
relating the basic events of this story by the fireplace - although it 
may be necessary to alter the plot to include a bank teller; and (2) 
that a focus on one part of this story seems to greatly increase the 
probability that the male partner will have a roaring second orgasm.  
Go figure!  

As I was reading this story, I couldn't help thinking that it reminded 
me of several of the stories written by SueNH.  This is ironic; but 
you'll have to read the whole story and be at least remotely familiar 
with the writings of Sue to see the reason for this irony.  I really 
enjoyed this story - and so did my husband, even though he hasn't had 
time to read it yet.  (Rating: 10)

"Hot on the Trail: Who in the World is Celeste802?" by Backrub and 
Tammy Ng (bckrub@aol.com).  In this story, Tammy Ng and Backrub are 
erotic investigators - an Odd Couple hired by the tormented author of a 
seroes of highly literate and popular erotic reviews posted each 
Wednesday and Saturday on alt.sex.stories.  Their job is to determine 
the identity of the writer who has parodied her reviews.

The story is based in reality.  You may recall that last November 
someone using the name Celeste802 posted a set of phony reviews that 
cleverly poked fun at both my own reviews and the stories of several 
popular a.s.s. authors.  I immediately suspected Backrub, but he denied 
complicity; and he and I exchanged several rounds of e-mail, trying to 
use our limited deductive abilities to determine the identity of the 
mystery writer.  I abandoned the project, but Backrub evidently kept 
after it and even enlisted the assistance of Tammy Ng, who was one of 
the initial suspects; and eventually they wrote this clever and sexy 
story.  As often happens when reality becomes fiction, however, certain 
events and characteristics have been altered under the guise of poetic 
license. For example, Backrub is presented as a veritable stud, whereas 
I come across as some sort of prim English teacher who couldn't get 
laid if she wanted to and has to resort to writing cheap humor for 
hormonally imbalanced cyberpunks.  In addition, the authors make some 
unwarranted snide remarks about the quality of writing on a.s.s

The style of this story is not Backrub's as I have ever seen it before; 
and so I suspect that someone else - perhaps Tammy Ng, whose name 
appears in the title line - either contributed to the story or 
distracted Backrub while he was attempting to do his inimitable thing.  
The story is full of sex, humor, and creative detective work.  SooNH 
even does a cameo cumshot.  In the end, the authors expose the real 
Celeste802 (pardon the puns); and I have no reason to doubt the 
accuracy of their claim.  I hope the glare of public exposure does not 
prevent the reclusive Celeste802 from making additional contributions 
to this forum.

As I neared the end of this story, I was vividly picturing in my mind's 
eye Backrub - Renaissance man, former CAI operative, erotic 
investigator, and general man of my dreams.  As my thoughts came into 
focus, I received a clear picture of something dangling - dangling 
grotesquely and bringing to a sudden halt the flood of moisture that 
ran from my pussy and down my legs, leaving my computer chair with a 
damp spot and a fragrance hinting that someone had been consumer 
testing vibrators on it. It was a dangling modifier right in the 
fucking middle of the story: "Hard, she put me back in my pants, rose 
and kissed me goodbye."  I called this to his attention, but Backrub 
has persisted in refusing to remove what dangles.  Another image 
crushed!

This is a highly creative story.  I would have enjoyed it even if it 
were not partly about me.  (Rating: 10)

"Kin" by Delta.  "I don't usually break promises.  Not even ones I make to 
myself.  Especially not ones I make to myself.  Funny how
hard, and how easy, it is to overcome that private taboo."  These words from 
the beginning of Delta's story state the narrator's ambivalence as she 
returned to the scene where she had known a former loved.  But to me they 
instantly evoked a different reaction.   As I read these words, I recalled an 
e-mail message from Delta - I think it was in November of last year - in which 
she told me that she was withdrawing from the erotic story circuit.  She had 
to get on with other tasks in her life.  Anonymous relationships that we 
develop on this newsgroup are strange and wonderful.  I was sad; but I sent 
her a cheerful note of some kind.  I don't know why she's back; but I'm glad 
she is.  I hope she continues writing stories like this.

Delta made my Top 100 list for 1995 four times - including the number 2 story.  
The present story, I think, is the best she has ever written.  This is partly 
because I like romantic, sentimental stories; but it's mostly because the 
story is so well written.  There is no wasted verbage; the action tells the 
story and conveys the emotions very effectively.

I don't know why this story has to be hidden away on a.s.s.  I don't know why 
it can't be on magazine racks in the supermarkets or in the anthologies that 
my students read.  There is almost no explicit sex in this story, but I had a 
really good feeling inside me all the while I read it - maybe that's why it's 
not in those anthologies.  

The story is about a guy and a girl who take a First Aid course together and 
like each other but do not make love with each other.  That may sound pretty 
lame; but take my word for it - Delta tells the story better than I do.  
(Rating: 10)

