Celestial Reviews 202 - July 26, 1997

Note:  I recently posted my Celestial Summaries.  There are four 
of these - two segments arranged by title and two arranged by 
author.  If you notice any corrections, I would appreciate knowing 
about them. I'll wait a week to obtain corrections, and then I'll 
repost a revised version.

Second note:  Here's a brief discussion of reposts.  First, I 
didn't mean to scare Tommy away.  When he started "advertising" 
the CD-ROM that he hoped to sell for $19.95 or something like 
that, I posted a note wondering if this was legal.  I think Tommy 
reposted some very good stories in his THC Archives.  Several 
other people are performing a similar service, and I appreciate 
what they are doing.

The reason I mention this now is because just today I saw what I 
thought was a spam notice posted over 200 times on a.s.s., saying 
"1000's of Erotic Stories at http:// fox."  I downloaded one of 
these messages just so I could ask the poster why he/she felt the 
need to mess up our group with this advertisement; but I 
discovered that it was a repost of "Oh What a Trip" by James 
Boswell, a spouse watching story that I reviewed in CR 192.  
Apparently all of the postings labeled in this fashion are genuine 
stories.  The problem is, how can a reader know what the story is?  
Are there really people out there who are so desperate for a sex 
story that they will download anything, just because it's one of 
THOUSANDS OF STORIES?  It would seem that most people would like 
to know something about the story - like its title, maybe; and 
this information doesn't appear on my AOL listing, because the 
title line is already too long.  In short, if people want to 
repost stories, I think it is nice that  they do so; but it is 
also important that they let readers know what stories they are 
reposting.  I guess readers WOULD find these stories through 
DejaNews, but they would have to have some reason to enter the 
proper search words.  In this case, "alt.sex.stories boswell trip" 
would find this story - but how would a reader know to use those 
search terms?

Finally, there has been a brief debate about posting zipped and 
encoded files.  My online service (AOL) unzips files for me 
automatically when I sign off, and so I personally don't mind 
zipped files.  I occasionally find files encoded in some way that 
AOL won't decode, and I just skip them, because there are plenty 
of good stories that I CAN read.  

Apparently lots of readers cannot unzip files.  I suppose there 
are three solutions: (1) don't post zipped files, (2) tell 
everybody how to unzip files, or (3) screw the people who 
complain.  I don't know much about this, but it seems obvious to 
me that a zipped file DOES take up less space - until, of course, 
it is unzipped.  On the surface, that sounds like a good reason to 
zip - files can be transmitted more quickly and they take up less 
space when stored in that format.  On the downside, some people 
cannot read them, PLUS they don't show up in DejaNews searches, 
unless the key words are in the title lines.  In addition, since 
the reposter often labels these files in a cryptic manner 
{"fxcv.zip"}, it's often difficult to figure out what the story is 
without downloading and unzipping it.  I personally am grateful to 
people like Spamhater {who I used to think was Spermhater} for 
posting these stories, but I think we can find a way to share 
these stories more efficiently.

If I can serve as a conduit to sort out repostings more 
effectively, I will be happy to do so.  Although my own expertise 
is limited, I can probably find experts who read my reviews and 
are willing to help solve this problem.

Incidentally, the best locations for storing good stories seem to 
be (1) alt.sex.stories.moderated (which I think is working 
extremely well) and (2) personal web sites maintained by authors 
and people like Mr. Double.  I keep a list of these sites and I'll 
repost it soon with my personal FAQ.

Third note:  The guest reviews are going well.  I hope you enjoy 
them.  I know that I certainly appreciate the work of these guest 
reviewers.

I have selected persons who I think will write good reviews.  So 
far I have been very much impressed by the quality of these 
reviews.  If I have failed to invite you to write a guest review, 
it may be an oversight.  Contact me if you want to be a reviewer, 
and I'll let you try one.

One rule that I try to enforce is that I myself try to review any 
story written by a guest reviewer.  My goal is to avoid any sort 
of "buddy system" in which one reviewer would be tempted to go 
soft on another in order to get as better review her/himself.

A major result of the guest reviewer system is that I am able to 
review more stories in each issue of CR.  I am usually able to 
assign a story to a guest reviewer as soon as I decide to review 
it.  When I was working alone, I used to spot good stories and put 
them on the back burner.  Eventually it would simply become too 
late to bother reviewing the story.  With the new system such 
delays and cancellations are much less frequent - although 
occasionally someone offers to review a story and then forgets or 
decides not to complete the process.

Someone asked me if I read all the stories that the guest 
reviewers review.  The answer is, no, I do not read ALL of them.  
That would take too much time and would partially defeat the 
purpose of having the guest reviewers.  I DO read many of them.  
For example, I read any story the guest reviewer makes me think 
might be eligible for monthly or annual honors.  In making up To 
20 and Top 100 lists, I base my decisions on my own judgment, but 
my judgment can certainly be influenced by what other reviewers 
say.  In addition, I sometimes make suggestions to help reviewers 
revise their reviews, and this makes it necessary for me to read 
major portions of other stories.  Finally, sometimes a reviewer 
makes a story sound so interesting that I just have to take a look 
at it myself.

Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my 
reviews for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.

- Celeste

      "The Sesame Street Gang Learns Something New" by 
            Unknown Author (TV parody) 5, 1, 1
      "Smurfs!" by Dimitri (humor, I suppose) 4, 4, 4
      "The Elevator" by Tremaine (gay slutty sex) 10, 10, 10
      "Beware: Horny Cute Girls Fart on Your Food in Restaurants" 
            by Spinner (flatulence fetish) 7, 7, 7
      "Appalachian Spring" by Jim Fix (romance) 9, 10, 10

Guest Reviews:

      "Go Team Go" by Squire (cheerleader sex) 8, 6, 7
      "Lovers" by Jim (young love) 9, 8.5, 9
      "Cherry Picker" by The Carnal Quill (very young first timer)
            10, 10, 10
      "Bea's Bored" by Bea Fischl (first ff experience) 10, 9, 10
      "Lovers One" by Katie (romantic prostitution) 10, 9, 9
      "Incubus" by DG (sci fi sex) 8, 8, 8
      "The Riding Lesson" By Domino (cons D/s & S/M, with a 
            twist) 7.5, 8.5, 7
      "Paying for It" by J. Boswell (slut wife) 9.5, 9, 10

"The Sesame Street Gang Learns Something New" by Unknown Author 
(lightedge@aol.com).  If you're going to write a parody of "Sesame 
Street," you should at least have the people engage in sexual 
activities while they're doing things that normally happen on 
Sesame Street.  In this story we just have Grover humping Maria 
and Bert screwing Ernie in the ass or vice versa.  The most clever 
line occurs when somebody proclaims 69 to be the number of the 
day.  This is not a creative story.  I cannot imagine why you 
would want to read it.

Although this was a truly bad story, at least it brings up the 
topic of muppets; and Tickle Me Elmo is a muppet, I think.  
Anyway, did you hear that quality control actually backfired and 
almost ruined the Tickle Me Elmo sales last year?  It seems that 
the company used to put everything through a single test, but the 
Quality Control people wanted to be extra careful with Tickle Me 
Elmo, and so they doubled the test process.  Instead of tickling 
each Elmo once, they tickled each one twice.  Therefore, there was 
a movement to remove Elmo from the shelves of toy stores, because 
each Tickle Me Elmo now had two test tickles!

If you didn't get the joke, read the last line out loud and think 
real hard.  This joke is far better than anything you will find in 
this story.

Ratings for "The Sesame Street Gang Learns Something New"
Athena (technical quality): 5
Venus (plot & character): 1
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 1

"Smurfs!" by Dimitri (dimitri@ihug.co.nz) Dimitri has written 
several pretty good stories.  This is not one of them.  The plot 
has something to do with toxic waste being dumped through a time 
machine and changing the personalities of those cute little smurfs 
who are disgustingly nice to one another. The sex is almost non-
existent in this story.

On the upside, even though it is very badly proofread and has a 
silly plot, this story is much better than the "Sesame Street" 
story that I covered in the previous review.

Ratings for "Smurfs!"
Athena (technical quality): 4
Venus (plot & character): 4
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4

"The Burgulars" by A.D. (Red Dragon repost).  I'm generally 
suspicious of stories where the author can't even spell the title 
right.  This one turned out better than I expected.  The theme is 
a common one: the guy catches two teenage girls burglarizing his 
house, and they are willing to do ANYTHING to keep him from 
calling the police.  And they do.  It's not the greatest ever, but 
it's actually a fairly sexy story.

Ratings for "The Burgulars"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7

"The Elevator" by Tremaine (tremaine@MINDSPRING.COM).  The 
narrator is a straight heterosexual guy riding an elevator.  
Suddenly he feels someone fondling his ass.  Assuming it is a 
woman coming on to him, he gets a hard-on.  By the time he 
realizes it's a man, there's nothing he can do about it, because 
if he makes a scene everyone will notice his erection.  Pretty 
soon he is having regular rendezvous with the man on the elevator, 
even though he still has never seen him.  Eventually he goes to an 
adult bookstore for homosexual activities with several people he 
does not know.

This is a well written story about a seriously dysfunctional man.  
I don't review many gay stories, and I don't want to be accused of 
being anti-gay - I use the term "dysfunctional" as I have used it 
to describe many characters in other stories I have reviewed.  It 
means that most gays engage in more adaptive activities than those 
depicted in this story.

Ratings for "The Elevator"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Beware: Horny Cute Girls Fart on Your Food in Restaurants" by 
Spinner (spinner@inter.net.il).  Until today, I had never 
knowingly reviewed a story written by an author from Iceland, nor 
had I knowingly eaten a dessert upon a sexy Nordic beauty had 
imposed her flatulence for ten minutes.  Now I've done one of 
those things - just one, I hope.

I guess if some people sniff bicycle seats to get turned on, a guy 
could get turned on by watching his girlfriend fart into a cream 
pie.  I dunno; it's hard to imagine.  As Mark Twain (or was it 
Disraeli?) said, "One man's fetish is another man's asswipe."

I had chili for dinner tonight, but I don't have a cream pie.  So 
I can't try this out on my husband.  I think something like this 
might have been behind George Bush's well-publicized distaste for 
broccoli.

The author says this is a true story, but I have my reservations.  
The alt.folklore.urban people raise serious doubts about similar 
escapades that are supposed to have occurred in army mess halls 
and in kitchens manned by disgruntled employees.

I guess maybe this sort of story would be of particular interest 
to those thousands of sperm berping prom queens doing it 
doggystyle that I read about in the a.s.s. spam.

Ratings for "Horny Cute Girls"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7

"Appalachian Spring" by Jim Fix (jimfix@earthlink.net).  This is a 
romantic story about a young boy whose father is a moonshiner in 
the rural American South.  He meets a woman about twice his age 
who is staying at a nearby cabin, and he checks her out to make 
sure she's not an agent sent to investigate his father.  Before 
long he finds himself falling in love with her, and she returns 
his love.  Read the story yourself for the details.

This story would have benefited from some proofreading, but it's 
still an excellent story.  It's long on plot and character 
development, but a lot of us like that sort of thing.  This author 
should take advantage of my free proofreading service.  If the 
little kinks were worked out with the help of a competent 
outsider, this would be a really outstanding story.

Ratings for "Appalachian Spring"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Go Team Go" by Squire (Mr Double repost).  Guest review by Kim.

This is a story for which the word "fantasy" was surely invented. 
It details the "trauma" suffered by a football captain when he is 
kidnapped by the opponents' cheerleading team and is forced to 
make love to them in relays for twenty four hours before the big 
game. The purpose, obviously, is to tire him out so that their 
side will be certain to win.

The football player gets lured to a hotel room and lets them tie 
him to the bed where the plot is explained to him and the action 
commences. Eventually, after many, many bouts of lovemaking he 
falls asleep and awakes to find himself alone and untied. He 
staggers down to the bus that takes his team to the game. As he 
reaches out to shake the hands of the opposing team, he notices... 
nah, that would be telling.

This may sound strange, but the word that seems to me to sum up 
this story is "cute." I know it's not often that you get to 
describe a story involving kidnapping and multiple gang-rape as 
cute, but cute it is. Just suspend your belief or sense of 
morality, and assume that gang-rape can be cute.  The guy doesn't 
fight when they tie him to the bed because he doesn't want to hurt 
anyone. Many of the girls are almost apologetic for what they are 
doing. Everyone is just so nice to each other. Even when some 
semi-stern lesbians turn up they end up being nice to him. Awww, 
it's all sooo sweet.

Now for the niggles. First, it's written in a combination of 
present and present perfect tenses, the sort that some news anchor 
types adopt when they want to add a bit of tension or that Celeste 
uses to summarize stories. This sort of thing is excellent for 
summaries, but bad for making the action interesting.  That's the 
major problem with this story: it sounds too much like a summary.  
This problem could be almost completely solved simply by changing 
to the past tense. I expect you're all scratching your heads at 
this point; but hey, I know what I mean even if you don't :) Just 
read the story and see for yourselves.

Second, because of the nature of the piece it is kinda one 
dimensional and repetitive - meaning it skirts perilously close to 
becoming boring, only narrowly avoiding it. I think a bit of 
judicious editing would have helped (now where have I heard that 
before :).

I did like the ending tho' - if not exactly a twist, then 
certainly it was unexpected.

Ratings for 'Go Team Go'
Athena (technical quality): 8 (lost one for odd use of tense)
Venus (plot & character): 6 (did you say plot?)
Kim (appeal to reviewer): 7 (gained one for unexpected ending)

"Lovers" by Jim (Mr Double repost). Guest review by Mark Aster.

Your sister falls in love and marries a man who has a young son 
from a previous marriage.  Soon after, the couple is tragically 
killed, and you take the 13-year-old boy into your home.  Not long 
after that, you discover that he and your 11-year-old daughter are 
having sex.  Do you (a) experience lots of soul-searching, 
alternating between pride and amusement and horror and fear, or 
(b) call the two mischievous young people into the living room, 
say "you are playing with fire and what we are going to try to do 
is to furnish you with potholders and pokers so you won't get 
burnt", and encourage them to continue as long as they're careful? 
In "Lovers," Julie and Bob do the latter.

This is a sweet, if somewhat dry, story of young love.  The 
characters are the sort of ideal rationalists that populate the 
works of Robert Heinlein, Elf Sternberg, and our own Uther 
Pendragon.  Most of the story is taken up with background, 
prelude, and aftermath; Julie and Bob are very well prepared, 
having on hand a just-pee-on-the-stick home pregnancy test (they 
weren't that easy five years ago, let me tell you!), a morning-
after pill, and a doctor who is apparently willing to counsel the 
under-fifteen couple on their sex lives.  Lucky people!  No angst 
here, no worry to speak of, no irrational fear.  The young lovers 
have no apparent thought that what they're doing might be wrong or 
dangerous, and they never fight or misunderstand each other or 
anything nasty like that.

The sex scenes between the kids, of which there are two or three 
short ones, are mostly respectful and not especially vulgar.  
Everything works fine, and neither bodies nor feelings get hurt.  
There's no particular pandering to readers looking for porny 
pictures of children fucking; the descriptions are mostly as 
respectful as the premise calls for.  Which isn't to say that this 
is a completely convincing description of touching and innocent 
sex; the prose is somewhat bland, and not as amazed and sensuous 
as I would have liked.  Perhaps Michael (the boy, the narrator) is 
remembering this from a distance; the voice seems to be that of a 
grown-up.  I didn't myself find the love-scenes particularly 
arousing; I'm not sure whether or not the author intended the 
reader to.

So this is a fine story as it is, but rather unambitious. By 
having everyone rational and all of nature in on the conspiracy, 
all conflict is removed; for me, this also removes a good deal of 
the excitement.  Jim can write; I'd like to see him tackle a 
darker and/or a richer setting next, with some red-meat adult sex, 
or some fear or hatred or obstacles to be overcome to sweeten the 
ultimate victory.

I'll guess that Celeste would give this a 9 for technical merit 
(one point off for "she raised to meet me" and maybe one or two 
others), an 8.5 for Venus, and an 8.5 to 9.5 for appeal, depending 
how she feels about perfect rationality and kidsex this week...

Ratings for "Lovers"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8.5
Aster (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Cherry Picker" by The Carnal Quill (Mr Double repost).  Guest 
Review by Mike Hunt.

Oh boy! At last a story that I don't have to say a single thing 
bad about. Whew! What fun.

How many times have you downloaded some random story with a sexy 
title, only to be disappointed by an unrealistic scenario, bad 
writing, or stupid dialogue? Yeah, me too. You won't be with this 
story.  Assuming, of course, you just like short, straight ahead 
sex stories. You do, don't you? Yeah, me too.

"Cherry Picker" is the story of a 12-year-old boy in the process 
of losing his virginity to, well, Cherry, a teenage hooker who 
specializes in 12-year-old boys. There are no strange plot twists 
and no overdrawn set-up, the sex just rolls from the top to the 
bottom. A fun read. Well written. Good visual depiction. Sexy. All 
in all, I'd give it a "30". (That's 3 "10's".)

Uh, on second thought, I can write a funnier review of a real 
piece of shit story. Don't send me any more like this; OK, 
Celeste?

Ratings for "Cherry Picker"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Bea's Bored" by Bea Fischl (BF4play@aol.com).  Guest review by 
BluePencil.

At first glance, "Bea's Bored" is a fairly ordinary 
alt.sex.stories offering.  Bea's husband is out of town; so she 
invites a couple of her friends over to share the hot tub.  
They're lesbians, and Bea's always been curious, and is feeling a 
bit frustrated and lonely . . . As I said, a fairly ordinary 
premise for a story.

(In the alt.sex hierarchy, that is. I imagine it would be a bit 
out of the ordinary for "The Watchtower" or "Christian Science 
Monitor". It might get the Jimmy Swaggart seal of approval if he 
has someone to help him with the more difficult words.  You know, 
the ones with more than one syllable or those tricky "ie" and "ei" 
combinations.)

What distinguishes this story is the author's skill and humor.  
Her grammar is impeccable, her characterization nearly so; though 
she keeps the tone deliberately light, she manages to maintain a 
balance between overseriousness and overt flippancy - and to lard 
the narrative with suspense, surprise, and ample alliteration.

Refreshingly, we don't get lists of improbable anatomical 
attributes. We learn that all are female, Sheryl and Nancy are 
lesbians, and Bea is straight leaning-slightly-to-bi.  We learn 
that Sheryl has shaved her pubic hair while Nancy keeps hers 
trimmed.  And we learn that Bea has brown pubic hair - before 
Nancy and Sheryl help her shave it clean.  Oh, yes - we do learn 
that Bea has nice breasts.

Though the author concentrates as much on plot and 
characterization as on raw sex, this is a very sexy story.  She 
has taken what could have been three or four paragraphs and made a 
story of them.  And she has managed to make those three or four 
paragraphs worth of action a great deal more stimulating than many 
of the more directly action- oriented writers can manage in an 
entire story.

I hope we see more of Fischl's work.

Athena (technical quality):      10
Venus (plot and character):      9
BluePencil (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Lovers One" by Katie (slowhand@dial.pipex.com).  Guest Review by 
Jordan Shelbourne.

So there she is, all alone on the street, a little nervous, and 
this guy comes along. She opens her blouse and says, "Want a 
date?" and he doesn't refuse. So they go back to the flat and have 
sex.

Despite this, it's romantic. And there's a twist ending.

It's a nicely-written vignette, but it's not really a story (hence 
the 9 for plot).  Part of the problem is that twist endings are 
very difficult to do well -- I figured out the twist by paragraph 
5.  The approach Katie has chosen twists the story structure so 
it's very difficult to become involved with the characters. The 
writer is always a little bit distant because there's this 
surprise she wants to spring later.

(What a writer presents and _how_ it's presented tell you a lot 
about how the story will end. As Chekov said in his work on 
playwriting, "If you put a butt-plug on stage in Act One, it had 
better be used by Act Three." Or something like that.)

There are problems with punctuation which I found distracting. 
Still, it's a well-written sex scene within a slightly stilted 
context.  It's certainly worth reading and I hope Katie writes 
more stories.

Ratings for "Lovers One"
Athena Rating: 10
Aphrodite Rating: 9
Shelbourne Rating: 9

"Incubus" (X-Files) by DG (dionysian1@hotmail.com)  Guest review 
by Tooshoes. 

The X-Files TV show poses many questions we may never know the 
answer to. Are close encounters real? Is the Government covering 
up the evidence? Does God exist? How about ESP?

But the most important question to many X-Files fans is: Can 
Platonic relationships really exist between a woman and a man?

The TV show posed the question by having two attractive lead 
characters spend all of their time alone with each other, to the 
point where they have no other life. They tease each other. They 
comfort each other. But they never say what they feel. They never 
take off their FBI masks. And of course, they never take off their 
FBI uniforms.

Chris Carter (the shows creator) may never answer these important 
questions, but Internet writers are more gracious and informative. 
Fans have written hundreds of erotic X-Files stories, all 
debunking the Platonic relationship theory.

"Incubus" is one such story, and it's a pretty good one. The 
author is faithful to the characters, and to the style of the TV 
show. Even the villain follows the X-File's tradition -- he's more 
of a misfit than someone seeking to do evil. (Only the government 
is truly evil.) He feeds on the sexual energies of others, much 
like a vampire feeds on blood, and he uses mind control to spark 
the sexual activities he craves. And of course, Fox and Dana are 
not immune to his influence.

The problem with this scenario is that Fox and Dana are strongly 
attracted to each other, so mind control isn't really necessary. I 
would have preferred to see their relationship grow based on their 
own decisions. I think that's also what most X-Files fans want to 
see.

But aside from that, I think most fans will enjoy "Incubus". It's 
a well written, well conceived story, with many colorful 
supporting characters, doing all sorts of things that Plato might 
not approve of.

Ratings for "Incubus"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
Tooshoes (appeal to reviewer): 8

"The Riding Lesson" by Domino (domino6242@aol.com).  Guest review 
by Piper.

What we have here, at least in the beginning, is a relatively 
literate, playful, yet simplistic story about a woman who really 
seems to enjoy sessions of submission and punishment at the hands 
of someone she works with.  Her lesson appointment is for 10:30, 
but she shows up at 10:32.  Not a good thing, and he lets her know 
it.  Then she doesn't get undressed properly.  Definitely not a 
good thing.  And after she obeys his orders and gets on her knees 
with her head down on the carpeted floor, she turns and looks at 
him.  That's against the rules and is most definitely not a good 
thing.  It would almost seem like she's looking to be punished.

What do you think?

Of course she is.  She loves the pain.  She loves the way he 
degrades her with his whip.  She loves him - at least, during the 
sessions.  And her fervent hope is that one day she'll be worthy 
enough that he will allow her to wrap her lips around his 
magnificent cock.  Her short-term goal, though, seems to be making 
him happy enough so that he gives her the corner office that 
several people are apparently interested in.  'Nuff said?

Appearances can be deceiving.  While most of the story would 
mainly be of interest to those who enjoy reading about a happily 
submissive masochist receiving a much-desired whipping, being 
ejaculated all over, and then being ridden (Literally!  She wears 
a bridle and he sits on her back!) and whipped to orgasm, there is 
a surprise plot twist at the end that brought a grin to my face, 
and raised my enjoyment rating by an entire point.  Fantasy?  Of 
course.  Suspend your disbelief for a few minutes.  

When I said relatively literate, I meant it.  Compared to many 
other stories in the S/M genre, this particular one didn't have 
very many writing or detail errors, and the author did show some 
imagination when describing events and setting the scene.  I could 
even understand Victoria's (that's the woman's name) feelings and 
why she did what she did.  That doesn't mean there aren't 
problems, or other stories that are better.  This story was spell-
checked.  However, it wasn't proofread properly, and the errors do 
interfere somewhat with the story line.  Small details like "He 
went to sit down on the large leather sofa facing her ..." 
followed a few seconds later by "Soon he was jerking back 
violently against the chair..." cause one to watch for other 
inconsistencies rather than becoming more deeply involved with 
what the author is trying to get across.

Some advice that was given to me a while back may be appropriate 
for Domino and other new writers looking to write good stories.  
First, write the story.  Set down your ideas into words.  Play.  
Have fun.  Then, when you think you've got what you want in print, 
comes the work part.  Read everything critically.  Look for the 
inconsistencies, the wrongly used words, the difficult passages.  
Make your writing comprehensible and understandable.  Make it 
flow.  Naturalize the spoken passages.  Get someone else to read 
it back to you.  Finally, read it one more time to see if it still 
says what you wanted to say in the first place.  If you follow 
both steps, then, and only then, will you end up with a story that 
someone else will have as much fun reading as you did writing.

I'm not sure, but this seems to be Domino's first attempt at 
writing a story.  At least, I don't have any other stories by 
him/her, and couldn't find any through the newsgroup archivers.  
If so, it is a decent first effort.

   Rating:
   Technical merit    7.5
   Plot & character   8.5
   Appeal to reviewer 7

"Paying For It" by J. Boswell (Hot wife) (Posted by 
Ole.Joe@poboxes.com )  Guest review by Piper.

If you're at all familiar with Boswell's other works, you know 
that he mainly writes hot-wife/slut-wife stories, where the wife 
suddenly discovers a deeply buried craving to have numerous large 
cocks deeply buried in her various orifices.  This is a rather 
good variant on the usual theme.

First off, Tim and Jessie (the narrator) are a happily married 
two-income yuppie couple with 2 cars, a townhouse in the 'burbs, 
and no kids.  They've been together for years, and she has never 
cheated on him.  One day, Jessie is in a rush to go see some old 
friends, and she's short of cash.  Rather than taking time out to 
find a bank machine, she asks her hubby for some money.  "How 
badly do you need this cash?" the horny hunk asks as a joke.  He 
gets his answer when she whips out his cock and sucks him dry on 
the spot.  That gets her all hot and bothered too, but she heads 
off to see her friends anyway, with her newly-earned cash in hand.

That's the start of a developing play theme for the two of them, 
with her acting as his personal hooker.  Any money she gets, 
whether for herself or for the house, she has to earn.  On the 
flip side, if he wants any, he has to pay.  They both like the 
fantasy, in and out of the house, and it leads to some really hot 
times in various exotic locales, like the front seat of his car in 
the mall parking lot, and a local hooker hangout.

All right.  No problem so far.  Just a 'normal' couple with a 
rather well-developed fantasy life.  So where's the "Boswellian" 
part of the story?  That comes when hubby heads off on a business 
tour and leaves wifey high and dry, without relief and without 
fantasy play, for six whole weeks.  Jessie can't take that!  No 
woman starring in a Boswell story could!  "Just one time," I 
imagine her muttering to herself.  "Nobody will ever know.  I'll 
dress up a little classy, head down to the sleaze bar, and hang 
out a bit.  Nothing will happen.  I can control myself.  Really!  
Just one little drink, and then back home again."  

Yeah, right.  Those words fit right in with "Just one more smoke 
and then I'll quit," or "Don't worry, baby, I'll pull out," or 
"You can't get pregnant the first time."  So what happens when 
hubby finally gets home from his business trip?  If you know the 
genre, you know the answer.

I like this story.  It's hot, it's fairly imaginative, and it has 
a good build-up to an inevitable (at least, for Boswell) 
conclusion.  It's also a revamped version of the original, with 
most of the writing errors eliminated and the dialog and plot 
smoothed out.  While there are still a few minor gaffs, they can 
be ignored.  You don't have to be a fan of slut-wife tales to 
enjoy this story.

   Rating:
   Technical merit    9.5
   Plot & character   9
   Appeal to reviewer 10

Grammar Tip of the Week: QUOTATIONS.  Several people have asked me 
to give some advice on the use of quotations, including quotation 
marks and punctuation.  This is a first draft, and I would 
appreciate any help on getting it into better shape.

DIRECT QUOTATIONS: In general, when you quote someone exactly, put 
the quoted words in quotation marks.  {An exact quotation is often 
referred to as a "direct quotation."}

      He swaggered up to the lady at the bar and said, 
      "What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?"

      She leaned over so that he could see her naked breasts 
      with the nipples pressing out against the bright yellow 
      material and whispered, "Wanna fuck?"

Ordinarily, you should use a comma to separate introductory or 
concluding words from the direct quotation.  This is true whether 
the words that describe the statement come before the direct 
quotation (as in the preceding examples) or after the direct 
quotation.  When the quotation comes before the explanatory 
statement, the comma replaces a period.

      When she realized that he could hold back his orgasm no 
      longer, she said to him, "Come on my tits."

      "Come on my tits," she said to him, when she realized that 
      he could hold back his orgasm no longer.

If the statement precedes the explanatory statement and ends in an 
exclamation point or question mark, keep that punctuation mark 
INSTEAD OF the comma.

      "Wanna fuck?" she asked.
      She purred, "Wanna fuck?"

      As she gently fondled his testicles she continued to lick 
and 
      suck his penis, causing him to shout, "Eeeeeeeiiiiiiiiii!"

      "Eeeeeeeiiiiiiiiii!" he shouted, as she gently fondled his 
      testicles, while she continued to lick and suck his penis.

      "How badly do you need the money?" the horny hunk 
      asked.

If you want a more formal introduction of the quoted words, use a 
colon instead of a comma.  This more formal introduction will 
almost always be a full sentence.

      She spoke thus: "Wanna fuck?"

      As she gently fondled his testicles she continued to lick 
and 
      suck his penis, causing him to shout one word: 
      "Eeeeeeeiiiiiiiiii!"

Also, if a quotation is extremely long, use a colon instead of a 
comma.  "Long" means different things to different people, and 
authors vary in their application of this rule.  In general, if 
the quoted statement is a single sentence, use a comma to 
introduce it.  If it is more than a single sentence, use a colon - 
unless the sentences are extremely short.

      She said: "You look like a guy who needs a woman to 
      understand him.  By the looks of that bulge in your pants, 
      you are happy to see me.  My mother told me a hard man 
      is good to find.  I haven't had a good or hard man in a long 
      time.  Wanna fuck?"

      She said, "Wanna fuck?  I sure hope so!"

If the quotation is extremely long - that is, if it goes on for 
more than one paragraph, put quotation marks at the beginning of 
each paragraph.  However, put an end quotation mark only at the 
end of the final paragraph of the quoted statement.  The absence 
of quotation marks at the end of the other paragraphs signifies to 
the reader that the conversation continues in the next paragraph.

If you have a quotation within a quotation, rotate between single 
and double quotation marks.  {Use an apostrophe for the single 
quotation mark.}  In the United States, the double marks go with 
the outermost quotation; in Europe the single marks go with the 
outermost quotation.

      Peggy Sue said, "I love it when a man comes up to me and
      straight out says to me, 'Wanna fuck?' I don't like men who
      beat around my bush."

An INDIRECT QUOTATION usually does not quote the exact words, but 
rather paraphrases what the speaker said.  An indirect quotation 
is usually introduced by "that" and does not employ quotation 
marks.

Note that with indirect quotations, the verb tense and some other 
elements of the original statement change to give the right 
impression of the timing of the quoted material with regard to the 
explanatory material.

Sometimes the word "that" is omitted from an indirect quotation.

      Direct quotation: He said, "I want to make love to you."
      Indirect quotation: He said that he wanted to make love 
         to me.
      Indirect quotation: He said he wanted to make love to me.

      Direct quotation: Jethro said to Maribeth, "I'd like to bury 
         my beef bayonet in your haystack tonight."
      Indirect quotation: Jethro said to Maribeth that he'd like 
to
         bury his beef bayonet in her haystack that night.

Indirect QUESTIONS often begin with "if" or "whether."  In 
addition, they may begin with any word that ordinarily asks a 
question.  Indirect questions do NOT end with a question mark.

      Direct question.  "Wanna fuck?" she asked.
      Indirect question:  She asked me if I wanted to fuck.
      Indirect question:  She asked me whether I wanted to fuck. 
      Indirect question:  She asked me how often  I wanted to 
         fuck. 
      Indirect question:  She asked me how desperately I 
         wanted to fuck.

      Indirect question: He swaggered up to the lady at the bar 
          and asked what a nice girl like her was doing in a 
          place like this.

Although quotation marks are generally not used with indirect 
quotations, sometimes it IS proper to use them in order to 
emphasize that the portion within the quotation marks represent 
the exact words of the original speaker.

      He swaggered up to the lady at the bar and asked what 
      what "a nice girl like her was doing in a place like this."

      She asked me "how desperately" I wanted to fuck.

Note that in the first of the preceding examples the writer 
changed the speaker's words slightly - "is" became "was."  This is 
normally considered to be acceptable.  If you are uncertain 
whether you have the right to alter the speakers words, use a 
direct quotation.

OTHER WAYS TO HANDLE QUOTATIONS:  In addition to using quotation 
marks and indirect quotations, it is possible to quote people in 
other ways.

When you are formally quoting a long passage (say, a whole 
paragraph from a book or a major portion of a speech), it may be 
desirable to set the material off in the text by indenting it.  If 
you do this, introduce it with a colon.  Then indent all the 
quoted material.  A format like the following is often desirable:

      While she waited, Peggi read the church bulletin that she
      always carried with her.  The pastor had a sense of humor:

            It seems that two brothers died and went before St. 
            Peter.  The first was a politician who had voted for
            legislation that enriched himself at the expense of
            the poor and downtrodden.  St. Peter sentenced him
            to a very hot part of hell, where his job would be to
            clean up excrement deposited by animals.

            As the man was leaving, he saw his brother, who had 
            been an unscrupulous lawyer, but who now had a 
            voluptuous blonde in a low-cut dress on his arm.
            The man was startled, because he knew that his 
            brother had made his living largely by suing churches
            and poor people. 

            The outraged man turned to St. Peter and said, "Hey!
            That's not fair!"

            St. Peter replied, "Who are you to question that
            woman's punishment?"

In the preceding example, the whole quotation from the church 
bulletin (beginning with "It seems that... ") is indented, so that 
readers know where the quoted material begins and ends.  Quotation 
marks are not necessary: the indentation serves the same purpose.  
Within that lengthy quotation, other direct quotations follow the 
normal rules.

In some cases, - for example, when you are quoting a lengthy 
dialogue -  it is also possible to omit the quotation marks 
altogether by using a play/script format, as in the following 
example from my story "Virtuous Reality":

      Madonna: Well, let's see, the names of the people that 
I have had sex with recently... Who's the name of the 
guy I slept with last night, What's the name of the 
guy I did in the park this afternoon...
      Oprah: That's what I want to find out. So tell me.
      Madonna: I just said Who's the name of the guy I slept 
with last night, What's the name of the guy I did in 
the park this afternoon....
      Oprah: You've had sex with these guys?
      Madonna: Yes.
      Oprah: And was it good?
      Madonna: It's always good.
      Oprah: And you talked to them before, during, or after 
sex?
      Madonna: Yes.
      Oprah: And you still don't know their names?
      Madonna: Well, I certainly do.

Finally, some authors of fiction quote people directly without 
using quotation marks.  They seem to make a distinction between 
quoted speech (which receives quotation marks) and quoted thoughts 
(which do not).



WHAT ELSE GOES INSIDE QUOTATION MARKS?

Titles of short writings or works of art are usually put in 
quotation marks.  

      While he fucked her in the ass, she heard him humming
         "Both Sides Now" by Judy Collins.

      Most of what she knew about sex she had learned by
         "Friends" on TV.

The titles of longer writings and more sophisticated works of art 
are usually italicized (or underlined, if italics are not 
available).  Since underling and italics are impossible in text 
files transmitted through e-mail, it has become common practice to 
use quotation marks for ALL titles.  However, some writers prefer 
to replace underlining with techniques such as the following:

      The seduction was like a chapter out of _Lady Chatterly_.
      The seduction was like a chapter out of *Lady Chatterly*.
      The seduction was like a chapter out of LADY CHATTERLY.

Sometimes it is proper to put in quotation marks a word or phrase 
that you want to define.

      By "oral sex" I mean either a blowjob or cunnilingus.  She,
      on the other hand, uses the term to refer to talking about
      sex but not doing it.

Sometimes it is proper to put a word or phrase in quotation marks 
to show that you are using it in an unusual or special sense or to 
draw attention to the word.

      He uses language so cleverly that sometimes I think he's
      a "cunning linguist."  {The writer is making a pun about
      cunnilingus.}

      He expressed his "love" for her by beating her severely and
      humiliating her in front of her friends."  {The writer is
      suggesting that the word "love" is being used ironically - 
      that is, the man calls this love, but the writer doubts that 
      this term is accurate.}

Avoid the overuse of quotation marks for this purpose.

WHERE TO PUT PUNCTUATION.

Put inside the quotation marks any punctuation that is actually a 
part of the quotation.

     "Did you learn about sex by watching 'TV sitcoms?" he 
      asked, as she began to choke on his cum.

Put commas and periods inside the final quotation mark, even if 
they are not part of the quotation.

      While she sucked his cock, he gazed in rapture at the
      picture of "Dogs Playing Poker."

      "I learned to do this from an episode of 'Beavis and 
      Butthead,'" she said, as she swirled her tongue gently 
      around the tip of his cock.

When they are not part of the quotation, put other quotation marks 
(colons, semicolons, dashes, question marks, etc.) outside the 
final quotation mark.

      She had perfected her sexual technique through many 
      hours of watching "Days of Our Lives"; but her partner's
      training was limited to "Beavis and Butthead."

     She said, "I want you to come inside me"; but he had 
     already shot his wad all over her tits.

Such decisions as whether to use direct or indirect quotations, 
whether to put the explanatory comments at the beginning, at the 
end, or in the middle, and whether to use quotation marks are a 
matter of preference and style.  These decisions DO make a 
difference in the exact nuances conveyed by the quotations, but 
these distinctions cannot be discussed here.

Quotations should be skillfully blended into the text, so that the 
words of the speakers sound natural.  Here's an excerpt from 
"Virtuous Reality" that contains quoted dialogue.  See if you can 
understand the logic behind how I handled each direct or indirect 
quotation.

      As she thought about these problems, Sue sighed deeply 
and uttered a barely audible murmur: "I'll never write an 
erotic story again.  Dear God, I wish I had never written an 
erotic story at all."

      Suddenly, Sue was aware that there was someone else in 
the room with her.  She spun around in her chair and was 
alarmed to see standing just inside the locked door a 
beautiful dark haired woman. She was dressed in diaphanous 
clothing that Sue associated with statues she had seen while 
cavorting in the Aegean Islands.  The woman exuded a 
sensuous sexuality that made the room come alive.  "Who are 
you?" asked Sue.  "And what are you doing here?"

      "I'm Celeste.  We've corresponded through 
alt.sex.stories.  And I'm here to help you."

      "You're Celeste?" gasped Sue.  "The goddess of 
alt.sex.stories?"

      "Well," replied the beautiful apparition. "I've been 
called that; but I'm more like an angel."

      "You're as beautiful as I imagined you'd be," said 
Sue, as she continued to wonder what in the world was 
happening.

      "And you're almost as beautiful as you say you are in 
your stories," replied Celeste.  After a pause, Celeste 
continued: "To be honest, I'm not actually a full angel yet.  
I've met most of the requirements, but I still have to do 
one more good deed.  I've been sent here as sort of your 
guardian angel.  That bit about wishing you had never 
written an erotic story began with 'Dear God.'  That 
constitutes a prayer.  The Boss was upset by your comment, 
and she sent me here to help you get over your malaise or 
angst or whatever you want to call it."

      "Your boss?" replied Sue.  When Celeste responded by 
merely folding her arms and raising her eyes toward the 
heavens, Sue began to get the message.  "I've always heard 
your Boss referred to as 'he' or 'him,'" she said.

      "Actually, my Boss is neither a he nor a she," answered 
Celeste.  "I just prefer the feminine pronoun, because so many men 
are assholes.  Men write stories on a.s.s. that degrade women and 
describe harm to little boys and girls.  But this isn't a 
theological essay.  It's a sex story.  Can I get on with what I 
came here for?"
