Celeste's Top 20 Stories - April, 1998

Note:  Even though guest reviewers have written the reviews of some of these
stories, I read any story that I think may be likely to win a monthly or
annual award.  I personally take responsibility {and blame} for these lists.
If someone else wants to publish an alternate list of awards, that's fine with
me.

Second Note:  This was another one of those wonderful/distressing months.
There were too many good stories!  I expanded my Top 20 list to include 25
stories, but it was still necessary to bump some excellent stories from this
month's list. Actually, I fudged and made it 26, because I couldn't make a
final cut.

Third Note:  I have had great success finding these stories on the World Wide
Web by using the Links (thanks to Sandman) and the DejaNews Server
(www.dejanews.com).  In addition, most of these stories have been posted and
archived through alt.sex.stories.moderated. (I personally find the weekly
index at http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/windex.html to be very useful.)  You
can find past issues of my reviews through either these services, and all my
reviews are archived (along with stories arranged by author in the
Alt.Sex.Stories Text Repository at http://www.asstr.ml.org/mainframe.html.

Fourth Note: To be eligible for my Top 20 List for any month, I have to have
read the story for the first time that month and reviewed it in CR.
Therefore, reposted stories whose old reviews I repost are not eligible
(unless they are substantially revised), but an "old" story that comes to my
attention and is reviewed for the first time would be eligible.  If anyone
else wants to post a "rival" Top 20 list, feel free to do so.  You can even
include my reviews, if you don't want to write your own.

- Celeste

Here's this month's Top 20 List:

1. "Blood and Sand" by DG (boxing and sexy romance)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344297594 
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344297604 
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344297622 

2. "He Left" by LeAnna (sexy psychology)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=341391330 

3. "My Girls" by BlueLady (poetic threesome)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344151887 

4. "April Showers" by Hawkeye (voyeurism & hot sex)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=339651286 

5. "Unexpected Company" by Eric Shon (tantalizing incest)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=341174352   00
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=341174357   01
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=341174341   02
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=341174348   03
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=341179811   04
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=341174363   05
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=341179811   06
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=341174376   07
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=341174370   08

6. "Fire and Ice" by Delta (nostalgic romance)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343810955 

7. "Car Cricket" by Nick (car chase sex)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=347596798   

8. "Smalltown Scandal" by Delta (affair) 
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=340324123 

9. "Sports Bra" by stcheese (intramural sex) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=345531752  

10. "One Favor" by S. Leigh Farmer (complex TG)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=282548414   01
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=279771917   02
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=279897792   03
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=279891067   04
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=281813475   05
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=320440676   06-09
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=320440642   10-13
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=281764386   14
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=281768723   15
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=280905184   16
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=280542376   17
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=281764431   18

11. "Replacement Value" by Parker (sexual entrapment)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=196945883  (*)
          (*) Repost not by author

12. "Bolero" by SandMan (from cybersex to real sex)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=339684511 

13. "Christina" by Parker (sexual humiliation) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=170358048 

14. "Journey's End" by Sven the Elder (hot time on a cool night)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344151888 

15. "Stolen Moments" by Watcher (love, betrayal, and revenge)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=338626903  01
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=338712200  02

16. "The Rules of the Game" by David L (recreational sex)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=347878224  

17. "Dream A Little Dream" by Hawk Richards (masturbatory 
            foreplay)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=338467927 

18. "Banana Split" by DG (island passion)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=340340949 

19. "Good Neighbor" by Jean-Marc Conier (light bondage & anal sex)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=341492790 

20. "Double Blind" by SandMan (science-fi mystery)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=348314967 

21. "Janey's March" by Janey (unconventional conventional sex)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=346717657  

22. "Berries" by Uther Pendragon (pioneer teen sex)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344229979 

23. "Christmas Presents" by Friar Dave (poignant sex story)
           {Not posted yet}

24. "Fusebox" by Mary Jorsay Gandmar (subcontinental sex)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=342550072 
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=342555682 

25. "The Difference Between Men And Women" by LeAnna 
            (outdoor romance) 
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=347472955

25. "The Bedpost" by Michael K. Smith (sex with a bedpost)
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=346329822


{Note: Because Eli was having trouble with his archive for part of the month,
I am including DejaNews links for all possible stories.  However these
x9.dejanews.com may be unstable.  I'd like to express my appreciation to
Sandman for helping with these Links.}


Here are this month's reviews in alphabetical order:

"April Showers" by Hawkeye. Guest review by BillyG (hayden@mindless.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=339651286

First, the housekeeping: "April Showers" by Hawkeye was reposted by
john_dark@anon.nymserver.com and is said to be part 4 of "Seasons" (c) 1993.
The four- or five-year-old copyright may explain why I was unable to find the
bigger story.  If "April Showers" is an accurate reflection of a larger work,
it'd be worth finding.  {Celestial note: I am reposting my review of "Hazy
Shade of Winter."  That gives us two of the four seasons.  If anybody has
Summer and Autumn, I'd sure like to see them reposted.}

Most efforts at erotica employ a device that positions the players in a
situation that allows, even encourages, sexual intimacy.  Many of these
devices are hackneyed and improbable.  A few border on being overworked, but
still come through, as does these vignette in a college dorm bathroom.

The protagonist, Sam, meets Julie Brauer, the girlfriend of a dorm mate, as
they're both walking to the washroom.  Apprehensive of being discovered, Sam
still positions himself in an attempt to steal a flash of skin as seen through
a large mirror.  He reflects a moment on his behavior, recognizing he'd be
flustered were he to be confronted with her totally nude, but admits to his
voyeuristic compulsion.

At this point, the story takes an unexpected turn, a delightful one, a
sexually intense one.  And after the culmination, we're left not knowing if
this was a one-time thing, never to happen again, or the start of a larger
adventure.  As such, it's a sweet, erotic slice of life that left me wanting
more.

"Banana Split" by DG (dionysian1@hotmail.com). This story is a contribution to
Lord Malinov's Spring Break Orgy, and will be posted there. The url for this
fun event is: http://www.gslink.com/~dcain/xanadu/erotica/island/index1.html.
This author also wrote an introduction to the orgy, entitled "A Cruise to
Remember," which explains in detail how everyone ended up on the island on
which this story takes place.  You can find that story and the author's other
work at the above url or at his web site: 
http://www.io.com/~thebear/dgidx.

One thing that beginners have to realize about orgies is that not everyone has
to fuck everyone else during the festivities.  There are some orgyists who
like to cuddle up with just one person they love and make tender love -
possibly incorporating whatever fruit happens to be available.  Hence this
story.

As I have said before, Malinov's cruise has become immensely successful.  I
cannot possibly review all the stories in detail.  However, I really did enjoy
this one, and I encourage you to take a look at it.

"The Bedpost" by Michael K. Smith (mksmith1@bellsouth.net).  Guest review by
Sandman (sandman@bitsmart.com). Story link:
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=346329822

A man and a woman meet in a passionate embrace.  The man lifts the woman high
in his strong arms. They kiss and taste each other's flesh in this highly
erotic scene before the man lowers the woman onto the bedpost.  This gives a
whole new meaning to the term "woody", and I have to admit I was as turned on
as the woman purported to be.  

Nice start. After bringing the woman to orgasm with the bedpost what's left to
do?  My guess would be for the man and woman to go at each other like cats in
heat.  Ah how wrong I was.  From here the story takes a darker, N/C turn.  The
same raw power and dominance that so excited the woman earlier is turned on
her as she's lowered again onto the bedpost for a squeamish anal scene.

This sort of sex is definitely not recommended in real life, one small slip
could literally impale one's partner.  In fact the story ends implying just
that sort of slip, only not so accidental.  

The first part of this story was a major turn-on, the last part of the story
was a suspense filled horror story that had me on the edge of my seat.   The
ending squicked me to no end,  but that did not mean I wasn't affected by the
ending.  I read the last few pages with a mixture of fascination and dread
with ragged breath and my heart pounding in my chest.

Some stories can make you think.  Some stories can make you go "Hmmm."  This
story made me feel and despite the squick factor I enjoyed it.

"Berries" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). 
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344229979

Aurora and Lawrence are teenagers in love back in pioneer days in America.  On
this particular day they have been observing a bull mating with the local
cows, and this has been giving Aurora and Lawrence ideas and urges of their
own.  Their passion is not alleviated when they suddenly find themselves
watching a man and a woman from a wagon train frolicking in the woods.  After
watching, they move to a more private area and make love to each other.

But all of the action in the previous paragraph is actually part of a story
that Larry is telling Dawn in modern times, while he fondles and caresses her.
It's the ole sex story within a sex story technique, and the author brings it
off very nicely.


"Blood and Sand" by DG (dionysian1@hotmail.com).  
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344297594
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344297604
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344297622

This is a fully developed, multidimensional story.  It starts off with Fabian
Barnes the gardener, doing "inside work" for the lady whose lawn he mows
<wink>.  So we think we're in for one of those familiar weak imitations of
Lady Chatterly's Lover.  No way, Jose!  This is a sex-and-boxing story.

It turns out that Jack gets involved with beach brawling - an illegal form of
boxing.  He's good at it, and soon Jack is having a merry time with Janice the
boxing groupie.  But she's just another distraction along the way.  The real
target is Lissa, a high-school senior, who is jerking off before a beach brawl
the first time we meet her.  After the brawl, she engages in more complete
activity (her first time) with Jack, who has just defeated her brother in the
fight.

Anyway, Lissa and Jack fall in love, but then her brother discovers that Jack
has gotten Lissa pregnant, and he has sworn to his mother that he will kill
anyone that hurts his little sister.  Memories of Romeo and Juliet! How would
Will Shakespeare handle the denouement?  Actually, the author handles it more
the way the Bard would have had Friar Laurence been a licensed counselor.

This is another excellent story!

"Bolero" by SandMan (sandman@bitsmart.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=339684511

The bolero is a Spanish dance (resembling the Cachucha), characterized by
lively rhythm in 3/4 time, intricate stepping, and castanet accompaniment. The
Latin-American version is slower and simpler. In either case the dancers
perform difficult steps as couples or singly. "Bolero" is also the title of a
major orchestral work by the French composer Maurice Ravel (as well as by
several other major composers) that contains rhythms derived from the dance.

The British ice-skating team consisting of Jayne and Christopher Dean (both
born in Nottingham, England, incidentally, where Robin Hood once alienated the
sheriff) won the gold medal at the 1984 Olympics with a stirring performance
to music of 'Bolero', earning perfect scores for presentation from all judges.

Now "Bolero" has come into the mainstream culture as the title of a story by
Sandman.  And while he's at it, Sandman brings us Kubla Kahn via Samuel Taylor
Coleridge.  If kids weren't banned from this newsgroup, they could read this
story for homework!

Anyway, in this story Sandman meets Janey, a popular writer on this newsgroup
whom he had previously fucked in one of her stories and whose voice is sweeter
than honey, a thousand rapturous bells in perfect harmony. {I'm pretty sure
that simile comes from Nashville, not from Coleridge.} Having loved Janey from
afar, he is now seizing the opportunity (carping the diem) to love her anear!
{I'm not sure where that verbal twist came from - perhaps Garfield or
Dilbert.}

Well, anyway, Sandman uses his Internet expertise to find Janey in real life
and drops in on her at her vocational counselor's office.  He keeps his
identity secret and gets her to accept an invitation to dinner.  He comes
across to her as a man of means.  {That's Roger Miller talking, but the full
quote is " a man of means by no means."}  During dinner, he shows her his
while she shows him hers.  {That's Mark Aster talking.}  Then they fuck each
other's brains out during the fourth movement.

This is a very good story.  You'll especially enjoy it if you are already
familiar with the writings of Sandman and Janey and with Malinov's spring
cruise and orgy.

We now return you to "My Mommy, My Lover," already in progress.

"Car Cricket" by Nick (nick@cassandra.demon.co.uk). 
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=347596798 

This is an auto-erotic story.  That's my humor for the day: this is actually a
story about a very sexy car chase. When I first heard that this was a car-
chase story, I figured it was going to be a flop.  What can be sexy about
driving around in a fast car?  Well, for one thing, the language helps - for
example, allusions to stallions and to highways "parting above the city like a
pair of thighs."  In addition, I could almost feel the driver's lust as he
chased the woman across the highways of England.  Does the Queen know her
subjects do things like this?

This is the first story that I have reviewed that used "dopplered" as a verb.

The story really does need some more details at the beginning.  We get a very
vague start-up and then unrelated, intense action - with a reference back (I
think) to the beginning at the end of the story.  The author was probably
trying to be deliberately mysterious, but it irked me.  As the policeman says
at the end of the story, "Lose our concentration a bit, back there did we
sir?"

"Christina" by Parker (Reposted by Hawaiian Heat). This review is the personal
opinion of Kim, who can be contacted at ghost@nym.alias.net.
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=170358048

Whoa! A Parker story, no less. First off, I'd like to get something of my
chest (no, not my bra). Hawaiian Heat, I don't know if you read CRs, but if
you do, I'd just like to say I understand your resentment of spam, but I think
you shouldn't post so many stories all in one go. There, I feel better now.

Parker has a reputation for writing about the outer fringes of sexuality. His
stories usually revolve around some non-consensual activity or other. This one
follows that pattern, but with the proviso that the victim actually gets off
on the humiliation she suffers.

A young female accountant, Christina, leaves a staff party and accidentally
gives the wrong impression to the lady taxi driver who's come to collect her.
Being slightly drunk, and suffering a crush on her female boss, Christina
decides to tease and flirt with the taxi driver on the journey home. Having
reached their destination, Christina realizes she has no money and asks the
driver to wait while she gets the money from her apartment. Inevitably the
taxi driver follows her inside, and what follows is the sexual subjugation of
Christina by Selene, the driver.

Well written, in wonderfully simple, yet detailed English, it's an excellent
example of how to write a sex story. If you can get past the protracted
humiliation on show, then it's a pretty hot story. I take comfort from the
fact that, though the victim objects to her treatment, ultimately it's
revealed that it's what she really wanted all along.

I was pleased to see that Parker steered clear of any racist crap. The driver
happened to be black, but nothing special was made of the fact. Well done
Parker!

Girl - Girl D/S stories just blow my brain cells, provided they don't get too
extreme. Thankfully for me, this one didn't -- just! If you've a mind to these
things, then you'll probably find it as hot as I did. Just don't read it in
the cold light of day, else like me, you may find yourself pretty embarrassed
about enjoying such stuff.

"Christmas Presents" by Friar Dave (friar_dave@mhbbs.com). 

O'Hara, a rich guy who is lonely on Christmas Eve in New York City, has
arranged for a call girl to visit him.  He likes to talk, and so we get some
interesting details about the hooker's development, beginning with her selling
sexual favors to her brother when she was eight years old, while she marvels
at the night sights outside the penthouse window.

They quote philosophy to each other for a while, and it turns out she used to
read his stories on the Internet. For a long time O'Hara had devoted his life
to being socially responsible, and he's trying to make a comeback.  At times
this story borders on the depressing, but it manages to remain tender and
poignant.

In a way, what Friar Dave here is an interesting and sexy version of one of my
occasional tirades about socially responsible sex.

This story has lots of typos. The author must have neglected to run a simple
spellcheck. But overall, this is a very nice Christmas story - even in April.

"The Difference Between Men And Women" by LeAnna (leanna1@hotmail.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=347472955 

Kea and Justin go for a walk in the woods in early spring.  They discuss how
men and women differ in how they smoke cigarettes and in how they eat.  Then
they explore some sexual differences between men and women.

The combination of conversation and activity is what makes this story
excellent. Let this story be an inspiration to you.  If you've never had sex
in the woods, make it a point to do so this spring.  But try not to get
arrested for indecent exposure and watch out for poison ivy.  In addition, if
you are a minor in the jurisdiction in which you live, don't have sex at all
and stop reading this review immediately.

"Double Blind" by SandMan (sandman@bitsmart.com). Guest review by BillyG
(hayden@mindless.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=348314967

With the notable exception of Asimov and Heinlein, I'm not a science-fiction
buff, but this little tale caught my eye.

Sandman tells a fine story in "Double Blind," a science-fiction mystery with
sexual undertones. It is, Sandman tells us, a prequel to "The Case," - ". . .
far and away my most successful story."  (I think a review should allow an
author room for a plug, don't you?) In the world of medical research, double
blind refers to those studies where both the subject and the investigator are
"blind" to the parameters of the experiment, thereby removing bias from the
procedure.  I don't think that applies to this story.  Of course, there's
always the possibility that that it's there and I just don't get it.

Reading this story, I could almost hear the studied monotone of the I've-seen-
it-all Private Investigator, Steve Whiley, as he recounts this complex case,
the characters, and the twists and turns of high-tech sleuthing. However, the
just-the-facts-ma'am account doesn't lend itself to a sensuous or sexy story
telling, although Whiley's depiction of twin hermaphrodites having sex with
each other as well as the murder-victim-to-be may amuse/titillate/squick you,
depending on your views.  I found it hot.

Still, this is not primarily a sex story.  The sex is incidental to the
mystery, the detective work and of course, Jack Whiley P.I. himself. It's well
worth the read for that alone.  (Although I must admit I'm more attracted to
Sandman's erotic, here-and-now writing.}

The details of this story are best left to the reading, for they're complex
and an integral part of the story's pleasure.  It's a fast-paced adventure
that incorporates seamless geographic jumps and the mind-boggling turns of
science fiction.  Check it out; it's a very good read.

"Dream A Little Dream" by Hawk Richards (hrichard@bellatlantic.net).  The
author has an archive at (http://members.aol.com/hawkrds). Guest review by
Sandman (sandman@bitsmart.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=338467927

Short story, short review.  In this story a wife wakes up from a dream and
wakes her husband up in the process. "Have you ever had a dream that was so
intense that you...?" she asked.  That you immediately set out to seduce your
significant other perhaps? Good premise.  It's an excellent way to show that
there's life after the wedding vows (very reassuring to me somehow).  

It's nice to know there's not only life after the wedding vows but excitement
as well, as Carl's wife reminds him that women don't really need men when she
engages in a bit of very well described masturbatory foreplay that should have
every male reader (and I imagine a few female readers) panting with
anticipation.  In the end though it's nice to be reminded that men indeed have
their uses.  

This is an excellent, sexy short scene.  

"Fire and Ice" by Delta (delta@nym.alias.net). 
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343810955

The narrator, who writes erotic short stories, receives an anonymous e-mail
message asking him to meet "Jeanne" on April 1.  He knows only one person by
that name, but since he has not seen her in a very long time and since he
writes under a pseudonym, he doesn't really know whether this request is a
genuine invitation or some sort of April Fool's prank.

They are to meet at a place called the Fire on Ice; and during the interim he
reminisces about the Fire and Ice of their relationship.  What will happen?
Will it be the tiger or the lady who comes through the door?  Will the
relationship spring back to life or will it be all over?  There are some
things I'm just not going to tell you in this review.

This is a very good story.

"Fusebox" by Mary Jorsay Gandmar.  Guest review by Dave Myers.
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=342550072
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=342555682

MJG is the real deal. I used to find MJG to be one of the most inscrutable and
literary of the a.s.s.m regulars. From her writing it is clear that she is a
rather non-traditional (!) Indian woman. After a visit to her web site
(http://www.comports.com/scandalpoint), I can say that she is the genuine
article.

As with the women in her stories, and to hear her tell it on her website, MJG
just plain loves to fuck. Give her a big, strapping, animalistic man of any
caste, any time, anywhere, and she's a happy camper.

Honestly, I don't care about her personal life. So why am I writing this? The
most sensational feature of MJG is that she is such a good writer that is
doesn't matter whether or not she has lived every moment of the lives of her
characters. The woman depicted in "Fusebox" is a lawyer moonlighting as a
worker in the strip shows on the seedy side of Indian life, screws her
chauffeur, her mechanic (who fixes her "Fusebox"), and a judge. What makes the
stories click is the flicker of reality and the sense that MJG knows what the
environment is like where her characters work (and play!). Only a handful of
other writers of a.s.s.m are so lucid.

Now, erotica is one of the few genres where the adage "write what you know
most about" is probably not very good advice, so the realness of a story is no
litmus test for whether or not grand poetic license has been invoked. Maybe
MJG is a first-hand expert on sex with lots of partners, and maybe not. It
doesn't matter; for when I say she is "the real deal" or the "genuine
article", I mean as a WRITER. Her craft is good enough to convince us that her
first person narrative in "Fusebox" (and many of her other stories) is from
the heart. In a.s.s.m, it's rare that you come away from a story feeling as if
you were delivered a brief glimpse into the head of a woman who "just plain
loves to fuck."

I have only two minor gripes with this story. Near the beginning of "Fusebox",
MJG nearly pulls off a major coup of erotic fiction by introducing her
narrator as a lawyer who works for a firm that also dabbles in the sex
industry. Plunging the reader head first into the world of porn-making, strip
shows, and prostitution, MJG almost manages to paint the picture of a
hedonistic bad-girl without loss of credibility. Had there been a little more
literary preparation, I would be able to get rid of the "nearly" and the
"almost" from the sentences above. Also, while it makes sense for her
mechanic/lover to express initial disbelief over her exploits, the amount of
chatter concerning other characters' awe over her trysts is unnecessary.
Neither of these complaints weakens this text very much. While this is not one
of MJG's more ambitious projects, it's a great story.

[NOTE: From her web site, it appears this author has a number of stories that
have never been posted on Usenet and are unavailable as hypertext. MJG
continues to deliver a unique voice to this group, and I certainly hope she
receives enough encouragement to make some of her older works publicly
available.]

"Good Neighbor" by Jean-Marc Conier.  
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=341492790

As is the custom in many families, our narrator's wife has tied him up and
gotten him turned on, and then has left him there (still tied up) with a
lesbian video to watch while she runs some errands.  Well, the neighbor, who
has the key to the house, comes upon him - or I guess he cums upon her this
time.  She's upset because her boyfriend has stood her up, even after she has
gone to great trouble to look really great for him.  Even though he's all tied
up at the moment, our narrator takes pity and rises to the occasion.  She
exploits her captive audience to the fullest.

This story is not based on deep thought.  It's just cute and sexy.

"Janey's March" by Janey (janey98@hotmail.com). 
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=346717657 

If I am not mistaken, this is the first "pen story" I have ever reviewed for
this newsgroup.  Hold it!  Before someone starts up a new category for the
alphabet soup with which authors label their stories, let me add that this is
probably the only pen story that will ever appear on this newsgroup.

Janey and her husband Bob have gone into Boston for a fountain pen convention.
I myself have been to Boston.  In fact, I once ran in a significant annual
road race held in that city.  Bostonians use the word "wicked" as a synonym
for "very" - as in, "That's a wicked nice fountain pen that's leaking all over
your pocket" or "I'm so wicked horny that the crack of dawn isn't safe."
Bostonians are also apt to park their cars in Harvard Yard, but they say it
funnier than I write it.

Anyway, Janey and John have a wicked wild time while their spouses admire the
pens at the convention.

During the seduction, I was impressed. My God, he even does subjunctive, I
thought.  Then Janey herself said, "My God, he does subjunctive, too, I
thought." Men who use the subjunctive appropriately are sexy as hell.  In
fact, had my husband been better at English, he'd have gotten into my pants
much sooner.

"This is happening wicked fast," says Janey. "But, on the other hand, if it
doesn't happen fast, it won't happen at all."  Or to put it more
subjunctively, "If it were done when 'tis done, then 'twere well it was done
wicked quickly."

In the midst of foreplay, Janey reveals her bisexual proclivity: "I like a
nice penis as well as the next woman...."  Freud would be proud of that wicked
mild grammatical ambiguity.

Anyway, they fuck wicked, wicked slowly, while Janey practices her leadership
skills.  {I'm not sure even the guys at Harvard Yard would use two wickeds in
a row like that.}  Then Janey gives John some wicked good advice about how to
bring Marilyn out of her potato patch, as they say somewhere else in the
Western world.  I foresee a plot for Janey's April.

"Journey's End" by Sven the Elder (sven@brass-neck.demon.co.uk).
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344151888

Sometimes I get the Impression that when Sven the Elder was Younger, he was
one hot guy!  Maybe he still is.

In this story Sven is riding home in a crowded car from a dance.  Seated
securely on his lap is a somewhat older girl who is not his girlfriend and
with whom he has never shared any mutual interest up to this time.  Something
pops up, if you know what I mean <wink>.  She jockeys for position; but before
they consummate, the ride is over.  No problem; she asks her Dad, who is
driving the car, to swing by and pick her up after he drops off the other
kids.  For the next twenty minutes they have a hot time on a cool night.

This is a very good story.

"He Left" by LeAnna (leanna1@hotmail.com). Guest review by Sandman
(sandman@bitsmart.com).
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=341391330

This is an extraordinarily simple, yet effective story about a woman
discussing her boyfriend with her psychiatrist.  The brutally honest and frank
feminine point of view stands in such stark contrast to the wham-bam-thank-ya-
mam stories that flood this group that I could not help but be impressed.
This isn't pornography but it is sexy, real and very thought provoking.   

"He Left" is a hand-held, guided tour into a woman's soul.   It is beautifully
written, but more than that it is honest.   I can think of no higher
compliment to pay to a story than that.  It's honest.  It doesn't gloss, it
doesn't tint with rose colored lenses, there are no illusions, no smoke and
mirrors, no orgasms that move the earth and change lives, what's left behind
is a person so real you can almost feel her lashes as they tickle her cheeks. 

The "beta" version as the author calls her first attempt would still have
gleaned perfect marks from me, the final cut does no less.   I liked this
story.  I *REALLY* liked this story a lot.  Honest.  

"My Girls" by BlueLady (bluelady16@aol.com).  
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344151887

This is a very hot poem - probably the best of the recent series posted by
this author - except that its grammar is seriously flawed.

Poetry is supposed to be emotional, and so poets are granted a poetic license,
which means that they can say some things that would otherwise be pretty
stupid and break some of the rules of grammar with impunity.  Therefore, it's
sometimes difficult to differentiate between common mistakes and poetic
license in stories like this one.

Omitting capitalization and punctuation is often a deliberate technique that a
poet uses in order to achieve a purpose - such as to convey intensity or to
make the reader become more active in the reading process.  In fact,  e.e.
cummings made the absence of capitalization his trademark.  However, if an
author capitalizes some words and not others and shows no logic for doing so,
this "technique" becomes a distraction that detracts from the impact of the
poem.

Likewise, an author may deliberately misuse words {"lay" for "lie," perhaps}
in order to impart an impression of the natural way a character might talk.
This is OK, but it has to be done consistently.  If it's done inconsistently,
this "technique" is another distraction that may detract from the impact of
the poem.

My general rule is that if an apparent mistake serves no useful purpose, it's
an error; and if the mistake distracts from the impact of the poem, then it's
a serious error.

The author begins the present poem with "laying back" where "lying back" is
obviously appropriate.  Then we have "each others shirts" and "there hands."
Then "he felt their tongue" - shouldn't this be "tongues" or is the author
actually trying to wax poetic by suggesting that the two ladies shared a
single tongue?  I doubt it - but if challenged on an English exam, I certainly
would give that rationalization a try.  My point here, however, is that these
errors are distracting.

This same author recently entitled a poem "Masterbation."  That's not the way
we spell that word.  Perhaps it's no big thing <pun not intended>, but the
misspelling was a distraction when I read the poem. 

This author borders on genius, but even a genius should use the language more
correctly.

Without the errors this would be the contender for the best story of the
month.  Even with the errors, it's still a darned good poem.

"One Favor" by S. Leigh Farmer (alias@pseudo.nym.org).  Guest review by Robert
(Citizen@GalaxyCorp.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=282548414  01
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=279771917  02
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http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=280542376  17
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=281764431  18

In light of the recent discussion on a.s.s.d. regarding the cinematic
influence in erotic (and other) writing, a review of this story seems
particularly apt.  According to the author, "One Favor" started life as a
screenplay.  Unfortunately, she was unable to find a producer willing to bid
for it and so altered the tale by adding a generous dose of hot sex and
stronger focus on the transgender theme.  I can't help but wonder how the
movie would have turned out.

Valerie is a workaholic research scientist studying the effects of intense
magnetism on living tissue.  Due to a careless bit of sexual fun, she winds up
pregnant by Barry, her husband of five months.  This sends her into a deep
depression, since she feels she's not ready for pregnancy, much less children,
what with her research and all.  She needs to put in long hours and already
feels less energetic.  What to do?

As she's dejectedly reviewing some anomalies from her lab notes, she has a
flash of inspiration.  She realizes that she has inadvertently discovered a
process to swap minds!  This gives her an idea...  Since Barry's job keeps him
mostly at home, she begs him for "one favor": to swap bodies for a few days,
just until her heavy workload eases up.  Barry reluctantly agrees.  He loves
his wife dearly, and it _is_ for the good of the baby after all.  Besides,
it's only for a few days...

This story is a great read.  It is quite long, but I got so caught up in the
plot I didn't really notice it.  Farmer provides plenty of time and a variety
of situations to get to know both Barry and Valerie well.  It is also one of
the more intelligent treatments of this type of transgendering.  Both Barry
and Valerie discover many of the joys (and complications) of being man or
woman.  As an added bonus, there's plenty of sex, well-described and very
exciting.

I also like a story that stretches my vocabulary.  I had to get out my twenty-
pound unabridged Webster's to discover what a "fourchette" is.

The ending surprised me - twice!  And to find out what _that_ means, you'll
need to read the story yourself.

"Replacement Value" by Parker.  
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=196945883 (*)

While her fiance is off in Mexico City undergoing some sort of training for a
NAFTA-related job, the American woman is living in Mexico, where she befriends
a woman with expensive tastes.  

Because I am such a sophisticated reader, it was almost at once obvious to me
that Sandra was subtly being recruited by Terry to become one of the whores in
Pedro's stable, but I could not immediately figure out what impact this would
have on her relationship with her fiance or why the story was entitled
"Replacement Value."  So I had to read the rest of the story - as you should.

I find Parker to be an extremely good writer who gets bizarre ideas, which he
tries to incorporate into clever plots.  Sometimes he succeeds; but sometimes
he simply fails to convey to me how his plots make sense - the emotions
sometimes just don't sound plausible.  This is one of the good ones.
Everything falls perfectly into place at the end.  It's not a pleasant story,
but it certainly is creative and sexy.

"The Rules of the Game" by David L (dhl@elektra.sysun.com).  
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=347878224 

Ria and Tom have agreed to remain friends rather than lovers.  If they became
lovers, they reason, then they would stop being friends.  Everybody (including
Billy Crystal) knows that.  They used to have recreational sex, but they have
vowed never to do that again.  In fact, they vow never to do that again every
time they have recreational sex together.

Anyway, they decide to hump one more time and then to re-vow; and so they go
off on a little odyssey to accumulate the props they will need for their
escapade.

The scene in the porn video store rivals the condom scene from "Summer of 42."
They go to great effort to keep the clerk from knowing what they are planning
to do, but he obviously knows all along.  The only flaw in this sequence is
that the clerk comes into the back room to check on them.  In real life, he
would simply watch them on the ubiquitous security camera.

The hottest sex scene occurs while they are watching the porn video. As you
may know, the actors and actresses in porn flicks sometimes lack both acting
ability and interest in their activity.  However, in this case the actresses
come alive during the compulsory lesbian scene, and so do Ria and Tom.

The story is a wonderful combination of awkwardness, humor, and spontaneity.
It's a very sexy story.

"Smalltown Scandal" by Delta (delta@nym.alias.net). 
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=340324123

A teacher shouldn't come into a small town and start having an affair.
Teachers are expected to have morals, especially if they are young and pretty
and female.  Jane, young and pretty and female, came into this small town and
proceeded to have an affair.  She had to go.  

The story is told from the perspective of the Chairwoman of the School Board,
whose job it had been to give Jane the heave-ho.  The story is not exactly
confusing - just fragmented, and deliberately so.  As we proceed through the
story, it becomes more and more interesting, as we pick up details about Jane,
Mrs. Pulof, and her husband.

This story doesn't have a lot of blatant sex - just a good plot based on
sexual innuendo.  I liked it a lot.

"Sports Bra" by stcheese (stcheese@hotmail.com). 
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=345531752 

Having giving straight 10s to the first three stories I reviewed for this
issue, I decided to find a story that would disabuse my readers of the notion
that my ratings have been getting too high lately.  "Sports Bra."  Now there's
a lame-ass story if I ever saw one.

But dammit!  I start reading the story and soon I'm on the edge of my seat.
The college guy has come out of the library after a really rough day and a
sexy woman in the eponymous sports bra comes up to him, gives him a sexy kiss,
and whispers, "Play along!" Well, at least I got to say "eponymous" in this
review.  I really like that word.

Allegedly, this woman has noticed that she was being stalked by a creepy
pervert, and she needs our non-eponymous hero to supply some security.  My own
suspicions at this point are that she's a roving nymphomaniac or has lost a
sorority bet.  Wrong again.

She's Serena.  He's Cal.  She thinks he has saved her life.  I think that
makes them blood-siblings, but maybe that's only in the Inuit culture.  But
then they would have rubbed noses instead of kissing.  But I digress.

Meanwhile, Cal has swollen up tremendously.  No, it's not what you think.  He
hurt his ankle playing intramural softball that afternoon.  And no, it did not
happen in Taria's short story of that title.  Serena is a sports medicine
major; so she offers to do something about his engorged body part, as
compensation for his saving her ass.  And a lovely ass it is.

On the way to her dorm, they come upon - er, see - a strange-looking guy near
the soccer field with his shorts pulled down to his ankles, jerking off.  They
think this is Serena's stalker, but I think this was just a soccer goalie.
Goalkeepers have very little to do in most college soccer games, and this sort
of activity is not at all unusual.

Serena is wearing a Nike ensemble.  You know their motto: "Be the best that
you can be."  Just kidding: "Just do it!"  They just follow the motto -
eventually.

Serena has a roommate.  But she goes shortly after they get there.  I'll bet
you thought she was going to come.  Then Serena goes to talk to the RA. That's
an Egyptian sun god, I think.  Then at 2:15 a.m., they start giggling and
decide to take a shower together.  To do this, Serena removes her sports bra,
but the title of the story stays the same.  Soon Cal experiences additional
swelling.  Eventually they have sex, several times.

This is a very good story.  It reads like a story written by an authentic,
creative college student.  My main suggestion to the author is to get a better
name.

"Stolen Moments" by Watcher  (llxzt@hotmail.com). This review is the personal
opinion of Kim, who can be contacted at ghost@nym.alias.net.
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=338626903 01
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=338712200 02

Well now, what we have here is a short story that happens to have some sex in
it. As such, stroke fans should probably give it a miss. Those of you looking
for some fine writing, and assured story telling would do a lot worse than
take the time to read this one. It's a goody!

A young male exec has to visit the palatial home of the company boss and her
husband. Poor John has to sit and do some paper work while the beautiful, but
enigmatic Barbara, da big boss,  unknowingly teases him with glimpses of her
in her skimpy bikini, as she swims in the pool outside.

After getting her to sign some papers, so that he may return to the office,
she unexpectedly asks him to oil her back. Having done so, he is politely
dismissed. So begins John's bewilderment and search for the truth of just what
is going on in the company and, more specifically, in the mind of his
mysterious employer.

If all that makes it sound like a cross between a soap and a detective novel,
then I'm sorry, I don't mean it to. It's more a deep, and ultimately sad,
exploration of love, betrayal, and attempted revenge. I suspect that even that
description doesn't really do it justice. It's a hard story to pin down. All I
can do is recommend you read it for yourself. I doubt you'll be disappointed.

There were one or two momentary lapses in rhythm in some of the sentences, but
nothing to really worry about, plus the dreaded wrong word for the bits round
the nips <smile>. But, ultimately it's a class piece of work.

"Unexpected Company" by Eric Shon (EricShon@aol.com). Guest review by BillyG
(hayden@mindless.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=341174352  00
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It has been a recurrent complaint of mine, often voiced in these reviews, that
too many of the a.s.s. offerings are little more than wham-bam, teenage
fantasies peopled with two-dimensional players set in an improbable and
contrived paper-thin plot littered with anatomic measurements.  "What
happened," I lamented, "to the substantive plots filled with rich and
believable detail played out by *real* people?"  (This lamentation has been
most commonly offered in my own fantasy that it once *was* that way.  Ha.)

Well, if he was ever gone, he's back.  Eric Shon's offering, "Unexpected
Company" is a far cry from any cardboard story.  It's believable, rich in it's
fabric and moves more like an account of a real story.  It's the slow pace,
the gradual unfolding of the deepening plot peopled with characters we come to
know and root for.  

At the outset, we might say, "A horny dude with a nice house and his
unexpected company, his sexy niece?  Yeah, sure.  We know where this one's
going."  Surprise.  It doesn't fall with terminal velocity into the expected.
In fact, it moves slowly, even tantalizingly, gradually unveiling, teasing,
almost-promising and then drawing back.  The 'certainty' become less certain.
We *think* we know how it's going to evolve and then suddenly, it doesn't.
The tension builds, becoming sweeter and more seductive.

This story's not a quick read.  To the contrary, it's best read in small
bites.  Too often, I'm 'impaired' by a speed-reading capacity that takes in
gulps and large drafts of art that might enable me to do well on a test, but
misses the beauty.   At times, I have to consciously slow myself down to savor
the art.  As love making is not all about getting off, I need to enjoy the
process.  It's the journey, not the destination.

I must admit to a point of disconnect.  In contrast to the delightful, slow-
as-molasses development of the first ninety percent of the story, the last bit
and the conclusion suddenly leaps out of chronological context and careens off
in near-free-fall velocity.  It's like, "Holy shit!  What happened?" Maybe
Shon became fatigued and decided to end it.  I know what that's like.

Shon's story, I think, is best appreciated in smaller bites, for they're
delicious in themselves.  This is a thumbs-up story worth of a 10.
