Celestial Reviews 149 - January 15, 1997

Note: Uther Pendragon has been reposting his entire "Bob and Jeanette Brennan" 
series. I have previously reviewed most of the Bob and Jeanette Brennan 
stories, and I am reposting those now.  This is an excellent series.  
Remember, these are ORIGINAL reviews; in only a few cases have I had time to 
post a revision after the author revised the story.  In most cases the author 
has revised and improved a story, so that my original review may be slightly 
inaccurate. Nevertheless, I think these original reviews may help you find and 
enjoy these stories.

      "Forever"
      "Forest"
      "Forecast"
      "Forestalling" 
      "Foreplay"
      "For Him"
      "Forthright"
      "For These Gifts"
      "For Now"

You can recognize these stories in the postings by the word "For..." at the 
beginning of the title, or (less creatively) by the author's name in the title 
line.  I have occasionally been guilty of posting an old address for this 
author.  His current, correct address is given with the reviews. Like most 
authors whose stories you enjoy on this newsgroup, he would probably like 
constructive criticism from his readers.

Second Note:  Today is the deadline for the Third Annual Celestial Writing 
Contest.  If you have not yet submitted your entry, I'll still accept stories 
until I post the winner on Saturday.  I have received several entries so far, 
and I can tell that I am going to have an enjoyable time judging them.  The 
Bad News is that Stephanie, who won the first two contests, has had the flu 
and has decided not to submit a story this time.  The Good News is that 
several other excellent writers have picked up the slack.

Third Note:  Mat Twassel has recently posted a message in which he briefly 
discussed my Top Stories List for 1996.  He then listed and commented on what 
HE considered to the best stories of the year.  I wish more of you would do 
that.  I know it's hard to find the time, but we get lots of good stories for 
free from the people who write stories for this newsgroup.  Authors appreciate 
hearing from the audience from time to time.  There was considerable overlap 
between the stories Mat and I liked, but there were also differences.  
Diversity of opinions and intelligent discussion can only help make this a 
better newsgroup.  If you have time, why not just write and post a paragraph 
on the best story (or several stories) you read last year?  My advice is to 
post it on BOTH a.s.s. and a.s.s.d.  Such comments belong on a.s.s.d., but the 
noise ratio is so incredibly loud over there that legitimate posts often go 
unnoticed.

- Celeste

    *  "Forever" by Uther Pendragon (romance) 10, 10, 10
    * "Forest" by Uther Pendragon (romance & outdoor sex)
            10, 10, 10
      "Forecast" by Uther Pendragon (romance & outdoor sex) 
            10, 10, 10 
    * "Forestalling" by Uther Pendragon (romance & playful sex)
            10, 10, 10
    * "Foreplay" by Uther Pendragon (romance & playful sex)
            10, 10, 10
    * "For Him" by Uther Pendragon (romance & mild bdsm)
            10, 10, 10
    * "Forthright" by Uther Pendragon (romance & playful sex)
            10, 10, 10
    * "For These Gifts" by Uther Pendragon (romance) 10,10, 10
    * "For Now" by Uther Pendragon (adolescence & romance)
            10, 10, 10
      "Ireland Adventure" by Aaron Hall (time warp sex) 8, 8, 8
     * "Penelope Pitstop's Picnic of Peril" by S. Sneakly (cartoon
            parody) 6, 10, 10

* =  Repost of a previous review (because the story has recently been 
      reposted.


* "Forever" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net).  This is the story of a man 
and a woman getting to know each other on that rarest of all events on a.s.s. 
- the wedding night between a husband and wife who have not yet copulated. I 
went through this initiation rite myself. This story describes how my husband 
and I expected our own wedding night to be, but our actual experience was a 
lot funnier than this one.  I'd tell you about it; but you had to be there to 
really enjoy it.  This is a well-written, sentimental story by a new author.  
I hope he writes many more stories.  Any author named after the father of King 
Arthur can't be all bad.  {Incidentally, it was Uther Pendragon - not his son 
Arthur - who established the Round Table on Merlin's advice. Uther later found 
his true heir (Arthur) through the ole sword-in-the-stone test.}

Ratings for "Forever"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
 
* "Forest" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). Bob and Jeanette have gone 
off for several days of hiking on their honeymoon.  Although he loves Jeanette 
deeply, Bob feels that there is a gap in their relationship that needs to be 
bridged; and he formulates a plan to close that gap the next night, when they 
stay at a hotel instead of in a tent.  They'll have more room there.  But 
alas, things get very hot and tender ahead of schedule.  This is a very good 
story.  I originally criticized this story for not quite flowing naturally; 
but this author has the good habit of revising his stories, and it now reads 
quite well.  What this author manages to do quite well is convince us that 
people can be very concerned about each other's feelings and still (i.e., 
therefore) be very sexy people.

Ratings for "Forest"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Forecast" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net).  The main reason I like 
these stories in the Bob and Jeanette Brennan series is that I have gone 
through many similar experiences myself.  By this I mean that my husband and I 
share a relationship based on exchange of ideas as well as of body fluids.  I 
can easily understand Jeanette's feelings when the author says, "Intercourse 
might not always give her a climax, but it always gave her evidence of Bob's 
passion for her."  The two partners BOTH grow emotionally as these stories 
progress, and my enjoyment arises as much from watching their personal growth 
as from the rather hot sex they experience.  The intelligent banter and 
concern for the feelings of each other continue to be a strength of this 
series of stories.

Here we are on night eleven of their honeymoon.  The title refers both to the 
weather prediction (rain till 10:00) and to the predictable but wonderful 
pattern of what Jeanette and Bob will share together in the tent.  Part of my 
enjoyment of this story arises from the fact that I HAVE made love in a tent 
during a thunderstorm; and if one is careful, it can be even better than Bob 
and Jeanette found it to be.

The following sentence probably begins with a grammatical error: "The athlete 
of the couple, she often forgot Bob's strength."  I say "probably," because 
the grammar means that Jeanette is the athlete.  The context in which the 
sentence occurs suggests Bob is the jock.  I think the author meant to say, 
"Even though Bob was the athlete of the couple, she often forgot his 
strength."  Even Homer nods.  Or - as Yogi Berra would have it - even Nod 
homers.

Ratings for "Forecast"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Forestalling" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net).  Taken alone, this 
story is written without a frame of reference.  It's as if the reader is 
listening to what a couple is saying through a hidden microphone and has to 
guess at what they are doing.  It's an interesting approach, and the author 
carries it off effectively.  Taken in the context of the Bob and Jeanette 
series, we can understand these activities as part of the continual growth of 
the couple as a couple.

Bob and Jeanette have been using condoms during lovemaking, which they have 
found to be necessary but less than satisfactory. The woman has just recently 
seen her gynecologist and is equipped with a diaphragm and spermicide, and 
this evening they will make love for the first time without a latex 
intermediary.  The banter between the lovers is excellent; and although the 
actual sexual activity is not described in the exhaustive detail that we see 
in some other stories, we know that  the experience has been quite satisfying.

Ratings for "Forestalling"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Foreplay" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net).  Bob and Jeanette are 
newlyweds.  They had refrained from sex with each other until after marriage.  
Bob is willing to remain committed to just this one wonderful woman for his 
whole life, but sex is very important to him; and he knows that Jeanette does 
not share his enthusiasm. Bob has suggested one night a week for experiments, 
or "games."  Jeanette has agreed on the condition that she can choose half the 
games.  Bob has agreed; and her first suggestion was the game called 
"missionary position." Hence Bob's concern about his sexual future.

Therefore, for his own first game Bob sets out to make sex so wonderful for 
his wife that she will crave sex even more than he does.  This story describes 
a night of lovemaking when he gives her the royal treatment.  The sex is very 
tender and passionate, and the descriptions are vivid. The author shifts 
perspectives to convey the conflicting or complementary emotions of both 
people. 

This is a revision of an initial version of this story.  I criticized the 
prose in the original story as too workmanlike.  I said I would have liked to 
have seen some more metaphors or poetic insights.  The revised version is a 
marvelous improvement; it exudes exuberance that simply was not present in the 
earlier version.  I would like to think that my suggestions prompted this 
improvement; but more likely the author got lucky or got religion and the new 
worldview led to the improvements. 

This was a very good story, and I sincerely enjoyed the description of 
"conventional" sex from a highly romantic perspective.  A lot of readers will 
recognize themselves in this story (if they are lucky), and a lot of others 
will wish they had had a sexual tutor similar to this husband.

Ratings for "Foreplay"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "For Him" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net).  The man and woman 
don't have a lot of money, since he is a college student and she is 
holding down a job to help keep him that way.  So they usually make 
each other presents.  This year she asks what he would like for his 
birthday, and he suggests that she be his sex slave for a day.  She 
agrees; and she enjoys the experience even more than he does.

Some bdsm enthusiasts may find this story objectionable.  That's 
because the participants say they are practicing sex slavery, but they 
don't do the things that bdsm lovers usually do.  On the other hand, 
maybe some bdsm enthusiasts will like this story.  I assume they can be 
broadminded enough to accept the notion that people can be dominant and 
submissive in completely "unorthodox" ways that border on really 
friendly sexual activity.

As an incurable romantic with an insatiable sex drive, I loved this 
story.  I like it when a sexy story makes me laugh, and this one 
accomplished that with lines like this, from the master to the slave:

    "Jeanette, if you were to escape into another state, is that state 
required to return you to me?"
    "Mr. Calhoun says 'yes.'  Mr. Lincoln says 'no.'"

That's not true, of course. Lincoln never attacked the fugitive slave 
laws. He specifically endorsed them in Congress and after being elected 
President.  Well, anyway - it was funny in the context.

The story displays a large amount of inside humor, when the lovers talk 
about their past experiences and about what they have been reading.  
For example, not all readers will catch the connection between 
Juneteenth and the plot of this story, and I'm certainly not going to 
tell you.  But even if I didn't fully understand all the allusions, I 
thoroughly enjoyed the fondness and bantering between two people who 
were obviously in love.

* "Forthright" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net).  Maybe this has been 
obvious to the rest of you all along; but I just recently realized that all of 
these stories by this author that begin with "For..." are about a married 
couple named Bob and Jeanette Brennan.  I have been evaluating them as 
isolated stories - which is OK, I suppose, since the author has been posting 
them as isolated stories.  However, as I look back over them, it becomes 
obvious to me that the whole is better than the sum of the parts.  That is, 
the stories are more enjoyable if you read them in the context of one another.

In this one Bob and Jeanette are experimenting with new sexual positions.  
While doing so, they playfully review some of their former escapades.  I love 
this kind of banter!  I also love this kind of playfulness among old, married 
people.

By the way, if you really want to do it standing up, try it against the 
refrigerator.  But remove the magnets first, unless you want to be disturbed 
by falling notes or want to explain why the colors have run together in the 
kindergarten pictures drawn by your children.

Ratings for "Forthright"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "For These Gifts" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net).  It's 
Thanksgiving break at Bob and Jeanette Brennan's house, and it's time for 
games.  These "games" are choices of sexual behavior, new positions on 
the days when he chooses, mostly old ones when she makes the choice. In 
fact, she called her first game "Missionary."  Tonight she has a genuine 
need for Bob to "be gentle"; and so they play Cherish, which is actually 
a variation of Missionary.  Compared to some of the scenarios we see in 
this newsgroup, this sexual activity is no big thing - but a very nice no 
big thing.

For Bob's turn they make love sitting down - and standing up.

Between the two games, this story even includes a prayer - in fact, the 
title refers to the prayer that people often say on Thanksgiving, when 
they give thanks for the gifts they have received during the past year.

What I like about this series of stories is that the lovers are 
intelligent but ordinary people.  Bob is going to school (majoring in 
history) and Jeanette is working full time to make Bob's academic career 
possible.  They are looking forward to a happy future, but they are also 
trying to enjoy a happy present.  They sometimes have riotous sex, but 
it's in the perspective of a full life. 

Another way to say this is that a typical episode in this series is like 
three or four Dulcinea stories cohesively joined together.

Ratings for "For These Gifts"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "For Now" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net).  It was almost exactly 
six months ago that I reviewed "Forever," the first story in the Bob and 
Jeanette Brennan saga.  I astutely said it was a good story, expressed a 
wish that the author would post more stories, and rated it 9.5, 9, 10.  I 
was also pleased as punch that I had recognized Uther Pendragon as the 
name of the king who established the Round Table on Merlin's advice and 
who subsequently found his true heir (King Arthur) through the ole sword-
in-the-stone test.

Since that time, this author has not only reposted a revised version of 
that story - cleaning up the imperfections and earning a 10, 10, 10 
rating; he has also posted six more stories in this series, in addition 
to a half dozen unrelated stories.  At the present time I am going to say 
that this is the best story in the series; but I think that may be 
comparable to my daughter's annual statement that "This is my best 
birthday ever!" which is invariably followed a few months later by "This 
is the best Christmas ever!"  What I mean is that each successive story 
(a) is excellent itself and (b) makes the whole series better.  As I read 
this story I saw Bob and Jeanette in a completely new setting, and I 
learned things about them that made sense, but which I had not thought 
about before.

The present story is only indirectly about Bob and Jeanette.  It's told 
through the eyes of Bob's sister, Vi, a bright 16-year-old who wants to 
be a psychoanalyst some day but who is at the present time overwhelmed 
with her own problems with her boyfriend.  The sexual activity is equally 
indirect: we infer only what we can learn from Vi's descriptions of Bob 
and Jeanette, while she listens in the room next door while her hot 
brother and sister-in-law go at it in his old bedroom.

This is an excellent Christmas story.  I loved "The Gathering" episode of 
the Waltons, and this is the sexually explicit version of it - except, of 
course, that the Brennans are a smaller family and that Bob is Bob's 
first name rather than the ubiquitous Walton middle name.  The 
interpersonal and family relationships ring true in this story; and even 
the non-sexual details contribute to the sexuality that Vi observes in 
Bob and Jeanette.  If this author does not have a degree in psychology, I 
hereby bestow an honorary degree upon him.

If you have not read the previous stories in this series, do a favor for 
yourself or a loved one this Christmas.  Log onto DejaNews on the Web 
(www.dejanews.com) and punch in the search words "alt.sex.stories 
pendragon."  Download all the stories you find there.  The ones that 
begin with "For" are the Bob and Jeanette stories. They'll give you a 
warm feeling on a cold winter's night.

Ratings for "For Now"
Athena (technical quality):10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Ireland Adventure" by Aaron Hall (skie@lex.infi.net ).  The man is visiting 
an Irish castle when he is enticed into a time warp to save a beautiful 
princess.  He gets a map and a magic sword from the blacksmith.  {However, 
unknown to the author, maps at this time were "oriented" with the east at the 
top.  The guy would have been thoroughly confused.  Fortunately, when he went 
to fuck the princess, he would still orient her the same way he would in 1997.  
I learned (or inferred) all this from my Merriam/Webster word for the day on 
AOL.}  Then he goes about the countryside as a sort of knight errant, doing 
good to all the lasses he meets - almost exclusively very young lasses with 
very tight asses. He saves the princess, who becomes queen, and lives happily 
ever after with her.  'Tis a lengthy but simple story.

Ratings for "Ireland Adventure"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

* "Penelope Pitstop's Picnic of Peril" by S. Sneakly (an571192@anon.penet.fi).  
{This is a slightly modified repost of a previously posted story}.  I have 
concluded that it is impossible during a single lifetime to have great sex at 
least five times a week during one's entire adult life, to read and understand 
all the Great Books, and to watch all the great cartoons on American 
television.  I myself have failed to various degrees in meeting these lofty 
standards that I once set for myself during a metaphorical private orgy of New 
Year's resolutions.  I could never really get excited about either Thoreau or 
Kant, and I cannot remember watching even a single episode of Penelope 
Pitstop.  However, after reading this story, it occurs to me that maybe I have 
missed something in my life.

As I understand it, the author of this treatise spent a great part of his 
younger years watching 'The Adventures of Penelope Pitstop" on television.  
Apparently the villain in this series (Sylvester Sneekley who turns into the 
Hooded Claw) routinely tormented the lovely Ms. Pitstop in various interesting 
ways, and as the author graduated to adolescence and then (possibly) to 
adulthood, it became obvious to him that the scenes that had initially 
appealed to him as exciting but childish adventures were actually fraught with 
sexual potential and symbolism.  And so, in an attempt to get his sex life 
back in order, the author has written an episode of that cartoon that tells it 
like it really should have been told.

I need not relate the specifics.  Suffice it to say that the villain 
masturbates while incubating his plan, then captures Penelope, then has sex 
with her, then describes to her in detail how she will be killed by an 
ingenious Rube Goldberg device that Wylie Coyote would admire, then goes to a 
convenient spot to masturbate and tries to time his orgasm to occur at the 
moment of Penelope's excruciatingly painful but artistic demise when the ore 
hopper will drop her onto the conveyer to the giant rock crusher where the 
monster machine will munch her little muff to end this meaty melodrama.

Actually, my ignorance of this story is perhaps excusable.  The original 
cartoon appears to be of British, not American origin.  The villain rides a 
"lift" and has a "boot" in his car in which he carries his tools and would 
like to carry off the oddly named Penelope, who is referred to as "perky," an 
adjective normally applied only to the breasts of American women but to the 
whole persona of their British counterparts.

This story is extremely creative.  It follows my rules for a good sexual 
parody: it retains the key ideas of the original cartoon series and inserts 
sex in a natural way in order to make the story really fun.  The main problem 
is that the grammar is very bad; but most readers will be willing to excuse 
this shortcoming.  In addition, the language connoisseur will find some simple 
but interesting usage mistakes that make the story even more fun:  the grand 
finally (finale) occurs while Penelope is in the throws (throes) of orgasm, 
all be it (albeit) nearly naked.  Furthermore, from a cunning linguistic point 
of view, the absorbing and attractive alliterations nearly make up for the bad 
grammar, as (for example) when the villain directs his deadly dick toward the 
delicious denouement of the dastardly deed of penetrating the pink partitions 
of poor Penelope Pitstop's pulchritudinous pussy.

Ratings for "Penelope Pitstop's Picnic of Peril"
Athena (technical quality):6
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

