Celestial Reviews 102 - July 24, 1996

Note: In the last issue I reviewed a parody of “Little Red Riding 
Hood.”  In response, a kind reader sent me this joke:

Pinocchio is all grown up, and has moved out.  One day, he meets 
Gepetto in a bar, and starts confiding in him.

"Whenever I'm having sex with a girl, she complains about splinters." 
he says Gepetto looks all wise, and tells him that whenever he feels 
'lucky', he should rub sandpaper on his 'member'.  Happy, Pinocchio 
says he'll try it.

A few weeks later, Gepetto spots Pinocchio walking down the street, he 
stops him, and asks how its going with the girls, now, to which 
Pinocchio replies :

"Hey, who needs girls ?"

OR

Then there's the one about the x-rated Disney movie:

Snow-White sits on Pinocchio's face and says,
"Tell a lie! Tell the truth! Tell a lie! Tell the truth!..."

- Celeste

      “Fleeing Gods” by Mary Anne Mohanraj (sex with a god)
            10, 10, 10
      “Sarah and Allison” by Jym (adolescent ff romance)
            9.5, 10, 10
      “Brown Sugar” by Anthony Hartwell (hot interracial
            romance) 8, 9, 9
      “Brown Cherry” by Unknown Author (anal & ff sex) 9, 5, 5
      “Born Again” by Jamie G. (sexual renewal) 10, 7, 10
      “Turn-a-Butt Is Fair Play” by Tabercil (anal sex) 9, 10, 10
      “Crossing The Line” by Ann Douglas (sex life of porn writer)
             10, 10, 10
      “Brandi” by Kona (adolescent sexual rampage) 10, 9.5, 10
      “Bad Dog” by William G. O'Gorman (doggy rape) 10, 10, 10
      “Abby Gets Pulled Over” by The Warthog (slutty wife)
            10, 9, 7
      “Adam and Eve” by Marcus Van Heller (casting couch sex)
            10, 8, 8
      “The Rocks” by Mark Aster (childhood) 10, 10, 10

“Fleeing Gods” by Mary Anne Mohanraj (moh2@midway.uchicago.edu).  The 
stories by this author are - how shall I put it? - unusually creative.  
They tend to have plots that make me stop and think.  Sure, they 
contain sex; otherwise I wouldn’t be reviewing them on alt.sex.stories 
- although I did have to skip one of her stories (“Fireworks and 
Storms”) because the only sex in it was implied.  But the actual 
genital contact, although explicit, often plays a secondary role in a 
highly creative plot.

Here we have a woman waking up and finding that Zeus is about ready to 
make love to her.  It seems that Zeus and Hera have been on hiatus for 
a millennium or two, and so he is not prepared for a contemporary 
American woman.  He’s used to ancient Greek shepherd maids who were coy 
and tried to run from him and even changed shapes to escape his amorous 
advances; this modern bitch is eager to devour his cock and actually 
changes shapes to KEEP him.  It’s a delightful story.  I’m tempted.  
Someday I’m going to let my students read one of this author’s stories 
instead of “Daisy Miller.”

Ratings for “Fleeing Gods”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

“Sarah and Allison” by Jym (gj@sprynet.com).  This is a very pleasant 
story about a first sexual relationship between two young girls.  The 
protagonist is a cheerleader who is having trouble with her 
relationship with her boyfriend.  She becomes attracted to a slightly 
younger girl who is an outstanding soccer player and who is generally 
considered to be a lesbian.  A nice peripheral element of the story is 
that the mother knows about the relationship and reacts in a non-
judgmental, supportive manner.  The story does not contain an abundance 
of lurid descriptions of sexual activity - just a nice romance in the 
context of a pleasant plot.  This is a very good story.

Ratings for “Sarah and Allison”
Athena (technical quality):9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

“Brown Sugar” by Anthony Hartwell (ahartwel@nmsu.edu).  I’m just 
guessing at these numbers, but I would imagine this author spent twenty 
to forty hours of really hard work writing this story.  The grammar and 
style are occasionally weak, and so this story would have benefited 
from a careful proofreading.  But my main problem is that the author 
should have simply invested another hour or two and finished the story.  
For that matter, he could have simply saved an hour, by stopping before 
the Marissa sequence and writing a different ending.

Having said what I said in the preceding paragraph, I’ll now point out 
that I gave this story a pretty high set of ratings anyway.  To put it 
bluntly, this guy must be an extremely good writer if he can write so 
well when he is writing so badly.  I would be overstating the case to 
say that reading this story was like having really good sex with a 
really bad lover; but there’s some truth in that analogy.

Tom is a white college guy who seems to have an attraction to black 
women.  But this isn’t your typical race-bashing sex story.  For 
whatever reason, the guy just hits it off with beautiful black women.  
The first three women are clearly and creatively depicted.  Although 
the sex is extremely hot, both Tom and the women have brains as well as 
skin color and sex organs; and the flirtation and sexual encounters are 
truly entertaining.  The personality of the fourth woman is a bit less 
clearly developed, as are the reasons for Tom’s actions when he’s with 
her. The story ends (almost literally) in the middle of Tom’s orgy with 
her; and so I don’t really know what to make of Marissa.  Frankly, I 
think the author got to where the story just wouldn’t work any more, 
and so he simply quit.  I think he should sit back down at his word 
processor and (1) use his delete key while he revises the ending (2) 
check the whole thing for grammatical accuracy.

Even as it is, it’s a darned good story.  Right now it’s being reposted 
in two parts through the THC archives. 

Ratings for “Brown Sugar”
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

“Brown Cherry” by Unknown Author.  I don’t understand what possesses 
people to repost certain stories.  This story is obviously incomplete.  
As it exists, the story describes two girls who have shared a history 
of having sex with each other.  One of  them has acquired a new 
boyfriend, who has had anal sex with her.  The non-anal girl is 
fascinated by this revelation, and so her friend gives a practical 
demonstration with a vibrator.  This is a very hot, well-written sex 
scene.  Next Mom comes home, practically catches the two girls 
together, and gives them some good advice - which is obviously designed 
to lay a basis for later plot development.  Mom also reveals that the 
one girl’s step-brothers will be coming for a prolonged visit.  The 
daughter hates these guys, because they are sexual assholes; and so Mom 
tells her to go and stay with her female friend (with whom she will 
have a ball, so to speak).  The step-brothers show up, and the 
conversation (again) is obviously designed to lay a foundation for 
future plot development.  Then we meet Andre, the boyfriend who does 
asses.  Then the story “ends” with this line: “I was caught a little 
off guard, but between the wine, Andre's good looks, and Susan's great 
tongue, I didn't object.”

Now what could be more obvious than that this story is incomplete?  I 
assume that an author wrote this story some time ago and posted it as 
part one (1/?).  Somebody picked it up, “archived” it, and began to 
repost it.  It’s now in the THC archive, but I have a copy from another 
archive.  Why are they doing this?  Doesn’t it occur to these reposters 
that they simply weaken the public perception of the quality of their 
services by posting half-written stories?  Isn’t it obvious that 
truncated stories are not likely to be very fulfilling to intelligent 
readers?  Or don’t they care?  Or is it possible that people really do 
like story fragments like this?  I mean, the anal sex scene between the 
two girls is really very good writing; but if people read this story 
“just for the sex,” won’t they get at least a little upset to read the 
lengthy buildup after the “real sex” - the buildup to the “more sex” 
that simply does not occur?

Anyway, if somebody has the rest of this story out there, I’d sure like 
to see it.  My mediocre ratings indicate that this is generally a good 
story that sucks (in the pejorative sense of the word), because it’s 
not all there.

Ratings for “Brown Cherry”
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5

“Born Again” by Jamie G. This is another repost from the THC archives.  
It is a very short story from the perspective of a woman who has lost 
both legs in an automobile accident.  Without being really maudlin, it 
describes how an interaction with a sensitive photographer took her 
from a state of self-pity to the heights of sexual ecstasy.  Although 
this is more of a snippet than a full story, it is very well written 
and conveys genuine emotions.

Ratings for “Born Again”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

“Brunette” by Jea (an41381@anon.penet.fi).  Just when I get 
disillusioned with stories from the THC archives, I come across this 
one.  The story is largely incoherent - but deliberately so.  At first 
I thought the main character was IN a dream, but then I discovered that 
she WAS a dream - a brunette, a stock character, sent by whoever makes 
dreams whenever a male fantasy requires a tall slender woman with long, 
dark hair.  My husband has those dreams fairly often.  At least he says 
he does.  At least he damned well better.... The story is a continuing 
series of ellipses, with the woman appearing in a wide variety of 
barely comprehensible situations from which she will never escape - or 
will she?

I found this and the previous three stories in the THC archives on 
alt.sex.stories.  I think these reviews show the unevenness in the 
quality of the stories in that archive.  {Note also that some other 
stories that I found there were so bad that I just plain skipped them.} 
I guess we should be grateful that the stories are there at all - 
otherwise I would never have found this one, which will probably make 
my Top 15 List for July.  But there are two problems with repost 
archives like this.  First, one of the stories that I reviewed is 
obviously truncated, and another is almost certainly incomplete.  It’s 
possible that the authors subsequently finished these stories, but it’s 
not likely that readers will ever discover this.  Second, three of the 
four THC stories listed no author.  (I give an author for one 
additional story; but I discovered that from another source.)  I 
suspect that some of the reposters deliberately strip the author’s name 
away from the stories.  This is a bad idea, because (1) it deprives 
authors of their legitimate claim to the stories, (2) it makes it 
impossible for readers to communicate with the authors, (3) it makes it 
very difficult to track down stories written by favorite authors, and 
(4) it makes it unlikely that readers will be able to find missing 
segments of stories, as in the cases I have described earlier in this 
issue.

I certainly appreciate it when persons who repost stories take care to 
do a good and thorough job.  For example, the person who reposted all 
the Deirdre stories, the DarkNites stories, and the Michael K. Smith 
stories has always reposted these stories in their entirety -with the 
original author’s name and e-mail address.  Likewise, I am certain that 
the reposting of the “Trinity Trilogy” series is going to be complete.  
I know it takes extra effort on the part of the reposters to perform 
this service correctly, and I would like to take this opportunity to 
express our public gratitude for their diligence.

Ratings for “Born Again”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

“Turn-a-Butt Is Fair Play” by Tabercil (an636956@anon.penet.fi).   The 
man and woman have decided to enliven their sex lives by adding some 
“kinkier” aspects.  After he fucks her in the ass a couple of times, 
she decides that she doesn’t really like it; but she’ll do it to please 
him.  She also decides to tie him down and fuck his ass with a large 
dildo.  She implements her plan, and it turns out to be a very sensuous 
experience for him.

One of the reasons I liked this story is because it could almost serve 
as a manual for how to lovingly do things that one’s partner might find 
uncomfortable.  They set up signals ahead of time, and the wife was 
loving and patient.  The story reminded me of several things that my 
husband and I have enjoyed doing together.

Ratings for “Turn-a-Butt Is Fair Play”
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

“Crossing The Line” by Ann Douglas (AnnD55@pipeline.com).  Cathy 
Donohue has a habit that helps her get through boring meetings: she 
picks out someone in the crowd and has sexual fantasies about that 
person.  Imagine that!  You don’t think students do that to their 
teachers, do you?  Even worse - you don’t think readers of these 
reviews would do that to this reviewer, do you?

Anyway, Cathy is a member of the local PTA and she has a theory that 
the initials actually stand for Pussy Tits and Ass.  I myself once went 
to a major PTA meeting wearing a tee-shirt that said, “PTA is in the 
middle of temPTAtion!”  I was advised to remove the shirt by an officer 
who is very unlikely to be reading this review: “What if the newspapers 
take a picture of you?”  I was tempted to literally remove the shirt 
right then and there, but saner heads prevailed.

In her secret life, Cathy Donohue is Anne O’Donnell, writer of erotic 
short stories.  Of course, the people of her community think of her as 
merely a happy homemaker and helpful member of the community, not as a 
porn writer.  {This story is starting to strike too close to home.} 
Unfortunately, the college kid who comes to fix her computer makes the 
connection between Cathy and the Internet.  Fortunately, he’s a hunk.

Being a gentleman, Glen promises not to reveal Cathy’s secret identity.  
Being a lady, Cathy asks if there is anything she can do to repay him 
for fixing her computer.  Being a horny virgin, Glen asks her to write 
a story for him.  Being a horny non-virgin, she offers to go one better 
than that.  Being a sexually active person, I’m getting pretty horny 
myself at this point.  Being an English teacher, I’m pretty impressed 
with the parallel use of participial phrases in this paragraph.  That’s 
it!  If I concentrate on the grammar I can make it through this story 
without having to do anything about my more mundane urges.

OK.  They’re fucking now.  Damn this is good stuff!  I’ve got to do 
something to help me finish this story.  The grammar.  Concentrate on 
the grammar.  Oh good, she said “eluding” when she meant “alludinig” - 
I mean alluding - I’m going to make it - or should that be “illuding”?  
Damn!  I’m not going to make it after all.  Maybe if I rub my pussy 
just a little while I finish this review... I’ll even keep my pants 
on.... This won’t be hard.... Won’t be HARD!  I’ve gotta watch what I 
say, but it’s hard - I mean difficult - to type with just one hand... 
Oh good, she said “...excuse as to why she stood home.”  She’s talking 
like Yogi Berra now.  She meant “stayed home.”  Maybe she shoulda slud.  
I’m starting to lose it....  It really won’t hurt to take my panties 
off.... Oh, Oh! Sabrina has found out that her son Glen fucked Cathy; 
but now they’re discussing how she found out.  Encryption!  That’s 
good; if they keep on discussing encryption I may even be able to put 
my panties back on.  No; they’re already too wet.  Oh, great!  Sabrina 
knows Cathy’s secret identity, and she even made hard copies of her 
stories and took them on the cruise with her and therefore she humped 
her husband with renewed vigor each night and sometimes during the day.  
Oh shit!  Now they’re discussing their sexual relationships with other 
women.... If they make love to each other, I’m going to cum in my 
pants.... Except that I’m not wearing any pants....  Would you believe 
my husband’s at a meeting at church?  I’m a grown woman; I can take 
care of myself.... Good!  She said “lay” instead of “lie” but that 
doesn’t help - too much sexual innuendo in the “L” words.  Now they’re 
making love.  I mean REALLY MKAING LOVE.  OOOOH SHIIIIIT!!!!

This was an exceptionally good story.  I strongly recommend it.

Ratings for “Crossing The Line”
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

“Brandi” by Kona.  This repost from the THC archive surprised me.  I 
expected a tale of mindless, tawdry, adolescent sex.  Instead I found 
an _enjoyable_ tale of mindless, tawdry, adolescent sex.  I’ll assume 
this author was not really an adolescent when he/she wrote this story - 
because, as we all know, adolescents are underage and do not read the 
stories on this newsgroup, much less write them.  But the author 
certainly has the mind of an adolescent.  I mean, what adult would 
think for a moment that a responsible high school senior would baby-sit 
for her best friend’s younger brother and then watch the brother and 
sister join the sister’s boyfriend for a mini-orgy before dancing the 
buttock jig herself with the kid she’s supposed to be baby-sitting?  Or 
that a girl would play hide the hotdog with her prom date in the men’s 
room and then ring the cash register of the principal after he catches 
them in the act?  Or that two high school girls could avoid arrest for 
public indecency by a policeman name Horse with a 12-inch cock by 
simply giving him a blow job?  Or that a girl would even think of 
playing clean the carpet during a school detention period - and with 
the principal and his secretary, no less?  Or that girls would go to 
graduation naked under their caps and gowns?  Or that two girls would 
simultaneously fuck and sodomize a janitor who watched them having a 
menage a trois in the school auditorium with one of their boyfriends 
after the graduation ceremony?  Or that a girl can really pay for a 
night at a typical motel by offering her body to the proprietor?

In addition to the events suggested in the preceding paragraph, the 
story contains several subplots.  For example, there’s a simple teach-
the-bastard-a-lesson thread that would fit well on the sexual version 
of “Saved by the Bell.”  Actually, I think this subplot is taken from 
Chaucer; but I get confused sometimes.

I won’t go on.  The details of the plot are unimportant.  It’s just sex 
after sex after sex - all the sort of things that immature adolescents 
think would be great fun - and which probably WOULD be great fun - but 
which I hope to hell my kids will never really do.

Ratings for “Brandi”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

“Bad Dog” by William G. O'Gorman (Jeremy@eor.com).  I hope the author 
won’t be upset if I refer to this as a bizarre story.  A college girl 
answers a newspaper ad to house-sit.   It’s a wonderful job; the only 
drawback is the two dogs she has to take care of.  Things change 
suddenly when the larger dog rapes her and makes her his sexual slave.  
That’s right.  The DOG makes the girl his sexual slave.  The girl 
should have become suspicious when she discovered that the house was on 
Usher (as in Edgar Allan Poe) Creek Road, when the old guy who met her 
at the door of the creepy house was named Monk, when one of the dogs 
she had to sit for looked like it had been rejected as too large and 
too vicious by the Baskervilles, when none of the doors (not even the 
bathroom door) closed all the way, and when she heard strange noises at 
night that Monk referred to as “the house settling.”  For all she knew, 
Monk himself could be lurking, watching, and masturbating in the secret 
passageways of the house!  This story is so grotesque that it’s 
actually exceptionally good.

Ratings for “Bad Dog”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

“Abby Gets Pulled Over” by The Warthog (linetwo@connect.net).  I have a 
confession to make.  I have been pulled over by a police officer for 
speeding four times in the past ten years.  I have never offered to 
have sex with the officer, nor has an officer ever requested it.  {So 
now you know I don’t live in New Jersey!}  Nor have I ever noticed a 
bulge in the officer’s pants.  Maybe I was too nervous to check, or 
maybe we have highly professional cops who can actually do their jobs 
without being influenced by a sexy woman.  On the other hand, I did 
talk my way out of all four tickets - but no bulges and no orgasms.  
Just anxiety and relief.

Abby is different.  Here she is doing her coming out party of sorts - 
no panties, no bra, and the sexiest dress she has ever worn; and 
wouldn’t you know it, she drives a wee bit too fast and the cop pulls 
her over.  Well, life gets complicated when you get past 18, and the 
officer first accuses Abby of coming on to him in order to avoid a 
ticket, and then her tight-fitting clothes impair her ability to walk 
the line.  “Looks like we’ll have to go to the station, Lady.” “Oh, 
please officer, please. Isn’t there something we can do?”  Well, it 
would always be possible to throw some ass his way. The cop is very 
diplomatic about it.  Says he to the husband: “Your wife is about the 
best looking piece of ass I've seen in a long time. Hell, look at her."  
“Well, if you put it that way, sure!  Go ahead! But I’d like to watch!”

Well, Abby does her duty - and she likes it.  She wants more, and the 
officer calls for backups.  So she takes on a significant part of the 
city’s police force.  To make it even better, the cops are a 
multiracial bunch, and Abby is fertile and she insists that fuck her 
without condoms.  She later explains that this “sounded like a slutty 
thing to do.”  This may sound like a sad story, but it’s not. The 
incident started Abby on a career in pornography; hubby thereafter got 
better sex than ever; and he was even able to tip the pizza man by 
asking Abby to give him a blow job.

To his credit, the author appends a surgeon-general-style warning that 
maybe people shouldn’t do everything in this story.  You gotta protect 
yourself!  And maybe you oughta have some self-respect and personality 
too.

Ratings for “Abby Gets Pulled Over”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7

“Adam and Eve” by Marcus Van Heller (71022.251@compuserve.com).  In 
this excerpt from a Spectrum Press novel, Eve does a quick seduction of 
Rushton and agrees to have sex with him in exchange for a speaking part 
in the next play he will be directing at the local theater.  She gets 
to be in “Flowering Cherry” by Robert Bolt.  Imagine that.  They go out 
into the dark English countryside to consummate the deal, but at the 
last moment Rushton realizes he forgot to bring the condoms.  No 
problem; he’ll fuck her in the ass.  He does; and it occurs to the 
reader that maybe Rushton planned it this way in order to get this kind 
of submission from her.  Who is Adam?  I don’t know.  Maybe he’s in 
another chapter.  

This is a well written chapter; but taken out of its context, it’s not 
at all a complete story.

Ratings for “Adam and Eve”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

 “The Rocks” by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com) This story is preceded by 
this unusual disclaimer:  “This story does not contain explicit sex of 
any kind.  If non-sexual stories offend you, please stop reading at 
once.”  What kind of pervert, you might ask, would post a story like 
this?  

Actually, taken in the context of the entire Allen Sisters saga, this 
story is about sex in a very indirect way.  My husband is by no means a 
pedophile, but he once told me it turned him on to see my parents’ home 
movies of me as a child.  He liked my innocence, he said, apparently in 
comparison to the sophisticated sexual dynamo I have become.  Likewise, 
since readers of the whole series know that Pat and Julie are 
incredibly sensuous adults, it is sensuous if not actually sexy to see 
this snapshot of them at an early age, discovering the differences 
between boys and girls.

The main difference, as the story reveals, is that boys throw rocks a 
lot more often than girls.

Ratings for “The Rocks”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

