Celestial Reviews 292 - July 15, 1998

Note:  A man walked into the drug store and shyly asked the pretty girl 
behind the counter if he could buy some condoms.  Seeing his 
discomfort, the girl decided to have some fun.

She asked what size he needed. He said he didn't really know. So the 
girl said they come in three sizes, and that there were three holes in 
the fence outside that they used for sizing tests.  He should go 
outside and put his tool to the test.

When he went outside, the girl sneaked around the fence.  When he put 
his tool through the first hole, she caught him and gave him a handjob.

When he put his tool in the second hole, she gave him a blowjob.

When he put his tool in the third hole, she had her pants down and she 
took him inside herself.

When he was finished, the girl ran around the front. He walked up and 
she asked, "So, what size do you need?"

He answered, "I've decided not to buy any condoms; but I do want 8 feet 
of that fence!"

Second note:  I want to reiterate my thanks to Bitbard for all his help 
in assembling the Links and to all the reviewers for their help in 
reviewing the stories.  I would also offer a word of thanks to the 
authors, but I believe my reviews already show them how much I 
appreciate their work.  I hope you take the time to express your 
individual gratitude to author's whose stories bring joy and pleasure 
into your life.  It's really kind of nice to see what a bunch of sex 
perverts can accomplish when they decide to work together!

Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my 
reviews for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.

- Celeste

=====================
Celestial Reviews:
=====================

"Every Lollipop Loves A Licking" by Erin Halfelven
	(cheating game) 10, 10, 10
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/11809.txt 
	---
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358677598 

"Mystical Workout" by Bioya61 (gymnasium sex) 6, 8, 8
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12328.txt 
	---
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364287662

"Three Stories" by by Jenny (quirky romances) 9, 8, 8
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12170.txt
	---
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=362612719 

"Janey in Bloom" by Bitbard (hot romantic tryst) 10, 10, 10
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12703.txt 
	---
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368726214 

"Moonset" by Erin Halfelven (poem)
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12533.txt 
	---  
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=366844294 

"Questions in the Night" by"bad badbad (confusing questions)
8, 4, 4
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/year98/12890.txt 
	---
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=370017320 

"Chosen" by Crimson Dragon (mysterious sex) 10, 10, 10
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12619.txt 
           ---
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=367470276 

=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================

"Thumper" by Dave Read (sex with teenage girl). Dave Myers: 4
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12454.txt 
	---
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=365516779 

"Melisande" by Richard Todd (opera-based sex). Fiddler: 7, 9, 7
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/10854.txt 
   	---
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350420371 

"Paula" by Rob4Play (pleasant fantasy). Mink: 8, 5, 6
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/10457.txt 
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/10458.txt 
	---
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=346329641 
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=346329647 

"Lover's Desire" by J. R. Parz (magical TG). R'khaan: 8, 8, 8
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12714.txt 
	---
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368726244 

"The Punishment Fits the Crime" by E. Z. Riter (bdsm). R'khaan: 8, 8, 8
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12514.txt
	---
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=366361800 

"Incubus" {Revised version} by Darkside (TG psychological thriller). 
DG: 9, 10, 10
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12757.txt 01
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12758.txt 02
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12759.txt 03
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12760.txt 04
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12761.txt 05
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12762.txt 06
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12763.txt 07
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12764.txt 08
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12765.txt 09
	---
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368731830 01
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368731836 02
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368731842 03
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368731848 04
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368731854 05
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368731860 06
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368731866 07
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368731872 08
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368731877 09

"Scratches" by Lord Malinov (passionate romance). BillyG: 10, 9, 10
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12449.txt 
	---
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=365516755 

"The Adventures of Marvin Finster" by Unknown Author (adolescent 
fantasy). Crimson Dragon: 10, 7, 8
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=206096050

"Repentence" by Elf Sternberg (mythological sex). BillyG: 10, 10, 10
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12877.txt 
	--
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=369683971

"Chosen" by Crimson Dragon (mysterious sex). Twassel: {no rating}
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12619.txt 
	---
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=367470276 

"On Her Leg" by LeAnna (revised review). Tooshoes: 10, 9, 9
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/11540.txt 
---
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=355961858

"Keeping Warm in the Arctic Circle" by Gordie D (tundra love). 
jubjub: 9.7, 9.8, 9.8
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12739.txt 
	---
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368726373 

"Thank You" by Emil (sexual gratitude). jubjub: 8, 6.5, 6
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12787.txt 
	---
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=369322287

"Pool Girl" by Billy Bob (older-younger affair). Gandmar: 9, 10, 10 -
BillyG: 10, 6, 6
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=369620230 
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=369620235 

"Hooked on a Feeling" by Terry Jones (romance). Dart: 6, 6, 6
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12575.txt 
	---
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=367142563 

=====================
Reposted Reviews:
=====================

* "Aunt Peg's Visit" by BillyG (teen romance with older aunt) 
            10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=371059300 

=====================
On this day in Celestial History
	Celestial Reviews #100 - July 17, 1996
=====================

* "Dating Ritual" by Michael K. Smith (rough adolescent sex) 10, 10, 10
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=237591430

* "Diana" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (mysterious outdoor sex)
            10, 10, 10
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=169874105 

* "Trust Me!" by Vickie Tern (transgender femdom) 10, 10, 10
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=174152739 01
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=168657141 02
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=174150887 03
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=174159863 04
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=174157664 05

* "Spare Change" by Dafney Dewitt (control) 10, 10, 10
  	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=167922913 

* "Gilligan Mashukah" by Richard Dunstan (sitcom parody) 10, 10, 10
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=169117574 
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=169117579 
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=169076042 
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=169078357 

==================
  <<<The Reviews>>>
==================

"Every Lollipop Loves A Licking" by Erin Halfelven 
(erotonomicon@hotmail.com).

	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/11809.txt 
	---
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=358677598 

Let me start out by saying right up front that this is a well written 
story.  That way I'll feel comfortable poking fun at the author for 
this sentence:

"I grinned at the lady in the seat facing me who may have thought I had 
worms from her expression."  

The above sentence contain a misplaced modifier.  At first reading it 
gives the impression that the narrator had somehow acquired worms from 
the other lady's expression." It would have been better to put it this 
way:

"I grinned at the lady in the seat facing me, whose expression 
suggested that she may have thought I had worms."

Or perhaps some other way - maybe in iambic pentameter.  Misplaced 
modifiers are discussed in the excerpt from Celestial Grammar that is 
appended to the end of these reviews.

Anyway, Jake and Ruth go a long way back together.  Even though each is 
in a stable relationships with someone else, they still meet for the 
occasional rendezvous.  They even have the support of their mates for 
these little flings.

The gimmick is that one partner gives the other a clue to signal when 
and where the rendezvous will occur. Failure to decipher results in a 
penalty.  

I enjoyed the story.  I had more fun disabusing myself of "facts" that 
I had assumed were true and trying to figure out exactly where the 
story takes place than in deciphering the clue, "Every Lollipop Loves A 
Licking."

Ratings for "Every Lollipop Loves A Licking"
Athena (technical quality): 10 (even the one gaffe was fun)
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 

==================

"Mystical Workout" by Bioya61 (bioya61@aol.com).

	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12328.txt 
	---
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364287662

It's possible to carry simplicity too far.  Here we have a guy with a 
vaguely described mid-life crisis, who meets a woman in a white leotard 
at the gym and has wonderful sex with her in the steam room. Had the 
set-up been done just a little better, I might have enjoyed the story a 
lot more.  

As it was, I couldn't help noticing that the woman in white talked a 
lot like a Chinese fortune cookie: ""You must relax and accept life for 
what it brings you each day.  Life cannot be scheduled and planned; 
look to the unexpected." Once I got sidetracked, I was more aroused by 
my skepticism than by my hormones.  I've been in steam rooms, and I'm 
just not really sure I'd like to have sex in one.

Maybe your life experiences will make you less skeptical and allow you 
to enjoy this story more than I did. "never forget the unexpected is 
the fruit of life, share it with others."  See!  Even there, I'd like 
that final aphorism better if it began with a capital letter and didn't 
contain a comma splice.  But then, what is a comma, but a pause in 
life's journey?

Ratings for "Mystical Workout"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

==================

"Three Stories" by Jenny (jenny_grrl@hotmail.com)
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12170.txt
	---
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=362612719 

These are three unrelated stories by an author whom Kim helped.

"You're The Girl" is about a conversation between a guy and a girl.  
The girl has asked the guy to role-play a girl, and he has trouble 
doing it.  The story is cute, but not especially sexy.  It contains no 
real sexually explicit activity.

"In Over My Head" is billed as a humiliation story with heart.  It also 
involves chocolate and Kim's tits.  Jenny is hot for Kim and can't 
really decide whether she wants to delve into the realm of humiliation 
with her. Although the story ends just prior to direct lingual 
stimulation of the areola, it gets pretty hot as it proceeds beyond the 
loss of Kim's aureole.
 
In "The Last Time I Saw Alex" we find Jen experiencing separation 
anxiety, as Alex prepares to leave her for a trip that Jen manages to 
magnify into the end of their life together.  Again, no explicit sex, 
but a vivid portrayal of emotions. What irritated me was that these 
emotions were the sort that would drive me crazy - I would never want a 
relationship with a person this unstable and immature; but some people 
do, and such people do really need relationships with more stable 
people.

As I said earlier, Kim helped this author, who has a problem dyslexia.  
In case you don't know, "dyslexia" refers to a problem in which 
otherwise perfectly normal people have severe reading problems, not 
because they are stupid or unmotivated, but simply because their 
neurological systems work differently than other people's - sort of 
like tone deafness or color blindness, but in a more important area.  
With Kim's departure, this author is looking for new help. If you see 
potential in these three stories, you might want to contact her and 
offer your services.

Ratings for "Three Stories"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

==================

"Janey in Bloom" by Bitbard (The Artist Formerly Known as Sandman) 
(bitbard@newsguy.com).

	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12703.txt 
	---
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368726214 

This is a story about Sandman and Janey meeting for a day of passion 
beginning at Dallas Love Airport.  That's it's real name.

Ya learn something new everyday.  I didn't know that the Dallas airport 
had little rooms (called Conference Booths) that people could reserve 
with a credit card and which were big enough for airport quickies.

Let me explain how I know that.  Through simple deductions derived from 
their stories and postings to these newsgroups, I had concluded that 
both Bitbard (formerly Sandman) and Janey would be in Dallas on exactly 
the same day that my husband and I would be in that city for our annual 
visit to the Dollhouse Museum of the Southwest and to check out some 
books at the Dallas Textbook Depository.  We decided to go out to Love 
Field and see if we could spot the happy couple and possibly eavesdrop 
on their rendezvous.

After several hours of staking out incoming flights from New England, 
my husband nudged me and pointed to a middle-aged man with an obvious 
bulge in his pants doing a tongue duel with a woman about four inches 
taller than me.  "This is a wicked huge airport," I heard the woman 
say, as she paused for breath.

At just that moment, a child standing between us and the couple said, 
"Look mommy!  They're all mushy!"  The mother glanced contemptuously at 
the lovers, and then turned away in a huff.  Since the mother and child 
were going to run us over, and since my husband's boner was by now even 
bigger than Sandman's, we turned away to avoid further scandalizing the 
mother and child. By the time they passed and we turned back around, 
the couple had disappeared.

"Shall we look for them?" I asked.

"No, I have a better idea," my husband said.  Then he led me to a pair 
of small chambers with signs that said "conference booth." Fortunately, 
one of them was unoccupied, and he dragged me inside.

* * * *

By the time we were finished, we knew it would be impossible to find 
the happy couple again, and so we rejoined our hosts - my husband's 
former college roommate and his wife.  He was Randy; and so was she, as 
we described the events in the airport while we drove toward their 
house. Randy was a police officer, and my husband and I were seated in 
the back seat of the cruiser while the braless wonder snuggled up next 
to Officer Friendly in the front seat.

As we drove down the highway, a Porsche zoomed past us.  The woman in 
the shotgun position had her eyes closed and was moaning with delight.  
It was the couple from the airport, and she was obviously having an 
orgasm right there on Route 35E!

"That's dangerous!" said Randy, as he flipped on his flashing lights 
and "initiated pursuit."  His wife responded by whipping off her tee 
shirt, leaning over toward her husband, and saying, "I think it's sexy 
as hell!"  My husband's cock responded by rising faster than a tachyon 
on steroids.

Randy was holding his binoculars, gazing after the car, which had begun 
to accelerate, even while it continued to swerve on the highway.  
"She's plucking his chicken!" Randy exclaimed.

"Like this?" asked his wife.

"Oh, fuck 'em!" Randy muttered, as he slowed down, turned off his 
flashing lights, and pulled off the highway.

And they did.

"Can I borrow your handcuffs?" were the last words my husband addressed 
to his old friend until after Beth and I both came in discrete but 
roaring and simultaneous orgasms.

* * * *

Having definitively lost track of the target couple, I decided to make 
the best of my trip by checking up on Deirdre over in Sulphur Springs.  
However, when we got there, we discovered that the Hopkins County Dairy 
Festival Parade was in progress. Moreover, two teenage girls in Daisy 
Dukes who were hanging on the arms of Beavis and Butthead told us that 
the parade would be followed by Southwest Homemade Ice Cream Contest.  
{This is all absolutely true.  You can find it in on page 116 of the 
1997 edition of the Triple A TourBook.}  We figured that it would be 
easy to find Deirdre at the contest, and we smiled as we wondered what 
extremes she would go to in order to win.

To kill time, we wandered off into a field behind the Dairy Queen out 
on the four-lane leading to the Interstate.  The field was full of 
bluebonnets.  I fell asleep with my head on my husband's lap, as he 
reclined against a large oak tree.  I was awakened by the sound of a 
melodious male voice singing on the other side of the grove

"I see trees of green
Red roses too
I see them bloom
For me and you..."

It was just about the best mood music I could imagine. As the song 
ended, we saw a guitar being cast aside on the other side of the grove, 
and pieces of clothing soon began to pile up on top of the discarded 
instrument.

"What a wonderful world,"  I heard a female voice say, repeating a line 
from her lover's song. "Are you seducing me?"  

"I give up--I'm yours," I said to my husband.  Two couples could play 
this game as well as one.

My radio quietly blared away at my side with a sexy southern twang.

"They're too crazy about each other
To even care about the show."

"Would you look at that woman's ass!"  murmur my husband, as he gazed 
over my shoulder while he fondled my ass. As I turned my husband around 
and began to pay lip service to his cock, I heard the woman say, "Don't 
stop! Don't ever stop!"

"Listen to the lady," said my husband.

"Which lady?" I asked.

"Both of them."

* * * *

Well, we never did catch up with Janey and Sandman.  It probably 
wouldn't have been all that exciting, since they just make up all that 
crap in their stories anyway.  And it looks like I'm not going to have 
time to review this story either.
 
Ratings for "Janey in Bloom"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

==================

"Moonset" by Erin Halfelven (ErinHalfelven@my-dejanews.com).  

	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12533.txt 
	---  
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=366844294 

If you enjoy poetry, I suggest you take a look at this poem.  It's a 
good poem.  However, I am not going to give it any ratings, because it 
simply isn't comparable to the stories that I usually review.

Ratings for "Moonset": {Not Applicable}

==================

"Questions in the Night" by" bad badbad (badbadbad98@hotmail.com).

	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/year98/12890.txt 
	---
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=370017320 

The approach promised by this story sounded intriguing - a series of 
questions to evoke poetically sexy images.  The actual story offered 
nothing of the sort.  Just a bunch of confusing questions, a weak 
excuse for a second-person story.

Somebody could take this approach and turn it into a really good love 
poem.

Ratings for "Questions in the Night"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 4
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4

==================

"Chosen" by Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com).

	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12619.txt 
           ---
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=367470276 

Usually it's bad when the reader can't figure out what is really 
happening in a story.  But sometimes it's good, because the author is 
being deliberately mysterious or ambiguous; and the ambiguity is still 
enjoyable, even when the reader reaches the end of the story and still 
isn't really sure what happened.

This is one of the good ones.  You'll read back over it not muttering, 
"What the hell is he talking about?" but rather, "Hey!  That's neat!"

The story begins with a primitive sexual ritual - coming of age among 
the Sioux Indians or Medieval Belgians or some other group.  Then 
suddenly we find ourselves in modern times with some young people on a 
camping trip, and the young woman is confused about her relationship 
with the man she hopes to bed that for the first time that night; and 
we begin to wonder what the first story has to do with the second.  And 
then it all comes together in the end - but not quite the way we 
expected.

This wasn't my favorite story, but that's because I think most 
reincarnation stories are simplistic and a bit silly.  The fact that I 
liked this story at all means that the author has done a pretty good 
job of making his case.  For a different viewpoint, see Mat Twassel's 
review of this same story later in this issue of CR.

Ratings for "Chosen"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

==================

"Thumper" by Dave Read (posted by Commander Jameson).  Guest review by 
Dave Myers.

	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12454.txt 
	---
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=365516779 

There is an old raging debate on this newsgroup about whether it is 
really legitimate to conduct ratings on stories that are "jack-off" 
material. You know the kind, with very recognizable plotlines, stock 
characters, and nothing out of the ordinary. Personally, I think it's 
worth rating them if for nothing else than to urge writers to come up 
with something we haven't seen before. If you're going to write out of 
the tried and true playbooks, at least insert a hook which is quirky or 
unique. Some people argue that this is distracting, but I guarantee 
there are more out there that will be absorbed by your added kink. End 
rant.

Synopsis: An older brother comes home to "babysit" his 16 y.o. sister, 
who decides to have a drinking/swim party. One of the very drunk guests 
gets deflowered by the brother.

Potentially the most intriguing aspect of the story is the tantric sex 
subplot, which remains mostly unexplored in the story. Perhaps the 
writer decided it would not be believable to maintain this line of 
action with a virgin. As challenging as that seems, it would have been 
worth it. As written, the story is just trite. 

Rating for "Thumper": 4

==================

"Melisande" by Richard Todd (richard@magi.com). Guest review by 
Fiddler.

	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/10854.txt 
   	---
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350420371 

Paul picks up Melisande on a foggy stretch of highway.  They discover 
that they have much in common including a love of opera.  After a day 
of exploring each others' minds, they have a night of exploring -- and 
enjoying each others' bodies.  But Melisande is on a quest, and they 
must part the next morning.  They both hope to meet again;  but the 
story stops there.  

The question of reviewing stories in genres which one doesn't like is 
recurring once again on ASSD.  This review is quite the opposite.  A 
romance between two people with intellectual tastes leading to a hot 
time in bed pushes almost all my buttons.  Why didn't this story push 
them harder?

Perhaps it was because the couple matched too perfectly.  Despite the 
tragic parting, I get no sense of conflict from the story.  Paul fears 
a sexual dysfunction, but it doesn't happen.  The two opinionated 
people agree on everything.  

One minor problem with the story is that it breaks the reader's 
attention with two annoyances.  The first is a good deal of "high 
ASCII." There is an acute mark over the first e in "Melisande" (at 
least there is in the opera) which comes out as an asterisk on my word 
processor;  there are also occasional "smart quotes" although most of 
the quotation marks are readable.  The second is that the story seems 
to have been scanned in at some time;  "d" keeps appearing where "cl" 
is needed, "m" appears where "rn" is needed, etc.  There is very little 
wrong with the grammar of this story, but mechanical bad spelling is 
still bad spelling.

Ratings for "Melisande"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 9
Fiddler (appeal to this reviewer): 7

==================

"Paula, The End of Her Lonely Day at a Roofing Company" by Rob4Play 
(Rob4Play@aol.com).  Guest review by the reclusive "Mike Ink".

	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/10457.txt 
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/10458.txt 
	---
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=346329641 
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=346329647 

Celeste sent this along to me with a note saying "This is by an author 
who has not posted to this newsgroup before, but he seems to be 
interested in submitting more stories, if he is encouraged to do so."  
She must have skimmed the story and seen the same promise that I do.

I'm a newcomer to reviewing on this forum myself.  So I face a small 
dilemma; a review should be an accurate digest for the reader, an even-
handed evaluation of the piece as it now is for the writer, and not 
just a bug hunt for errors (that's called proofing).  Let's see how I 
do.

The author provides a summary himself.  "Personal preferences: 
everything, variety of men, SEX!  Here, I fantasize about being finally 
alone with her in the office at the end of the day.  This is the first 
time this has happened.  After months and months of looking, drooling 
... never seeing enough cleavage .. imagining what it would be like to 
be fucking her brains out, today we are alone.  I can make it happen.  
And I did."

The last two sentences really say what writing is all about, don't 
they?

The story starts out "Larry, Moe, Charley, Ralph, and Dave had left for 
the day."  Charley?  What happened to Curly?  Our hero is being clever, 
sneaking peeks down the office manager's blouse.  He thinks he's being 
subtle; she plays him like a fish.  He chases her until she catches 
him, and they settle down to some pretty good, pretty basic sex, right 
there on the desk.  One of the better lines is ""If that thing goes off 
before you do me..."  Obligingly, he scoots on down and gets her off 
first with his tongue.  Always nice to meet a gentleman.  The author 
drops a jarring note into this; the guy is married.  This is irrelevant 
to the story thus far, and just drops in with a loud thud.  Note to 
author: Drop it unless you are going to use it.

Celeste does a nice job of teasing when she describes plots.  I aspire 
to her skills, but in this case there's no plot to inadvertently 
reveal.  She teases, he pleases, they screw.  Eventually his partner 
shows up, they get started on a 3-way, and, and... "To be continued. 
.... Maybe."  Reminds me of the old Batman series.

Back to the dilemma.  The story is incomplete, not proofed, and not 
really ready for prime time.  It's a draft of a pleasant fantasy.  But 
this guy can write.  There are nice, albeit shallow, characterizations 
of people doing believable things.  Now he needs to take this story and 
add plot, tension, resolution, and all that good stuff that comes after 
the initial image of "gee, I would like to fuck her.  I wonder what it 
would be like?"

That's the author's job.  He's learning the trade, and exploring what 
works for his style.  I described my job above, and I wouldn't have 
spent this much time on this review if I didn't see some real potential 
buried under careless errors.  Now, your job is to fuel the author's 
energy.  Send him email.  Encourage him, even if it is a one liner.  
Tell him what worked for you, or didn't.  Remember the blow job 
principle.

Ratings for "Paula"
Athena (technical quality): 8 (minor technical flaws, but good 
      sentence structure)
Venus (plot & character): 5 (good characters, but the plot wandered 
      off somewhere)
Mink (appeal to reviewer): 6 (but there is such potential...)

==================

"Lover's Desire" by J. R. Parz (rjzac@avid.dynip.com). Guest Review by 
R'khaan (rkhaan@ix.netcom.com).

	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12714.txt 
	---
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368726244 

This is the first story I've read from this author and I don't know 
much about him.  When I read the first part of the story, I almost got 
out my "reject" stamp; still, I decided to continue reading with the 
hopes that the story would prove interesting.  I wasn't disappointed!

The story opens with Jess taking a stroll through the mall, pondering 
his sudden wealth and his relationship with his new wife, Lisa.  While 
doing so, he comes upon a shop named, "Spells R Us."  Curious, he 
enters the store and finds it loaded with interesting costumes and the 
like.  The proprietor greets him and gets him interested in a maid's 
costume - and a potion that, according to the proprietor, will make 
Lisa love him more by transforming him into her ideal lover.

Jess is doubtful, but purchases the costume and the potion; he'll do 
anything to get Lisa to love him - and not just for his money.  After 
receiving instructions on how to use the potion, he goes home to become 
his lover's desire.

Lisa arrives home fresh from a romantic interlude with her female 
lover.  She, too, has been doing some thinking about her new husband, 
admitting to herself that she really married him for his cash but also 
deciding he's not too bad a fellow.  Jess greets her with the potion 
and, despite her begging him not to take it, watches helplessly as Jess 
downs the potion and, as promised by the proprietor, passes out.

Jess awakens to find himself transformed into a woman.  Dazed, confused 
and, yes, a little excited, Jess explores his new body, giving 
himself/herself several orgasms before realizing he's got a major 
problem - trying to explain this to his wife!  He doesn't realize that 
Lisa had witnessed his transformation from man to her ideal lover, a 
girl from college named Tracy Seavers.  After seeing Jess transformed, 
she also passed out.

Jess and Lisa take one look at each other and sparks fly immediately.  
Afterwards, Lisa confesses to Jess that she's bisexual and that he had 
been transformed into a woman because of it.  The two of them along 
with Lisa's other female lover get together and explore all of the 
possibilities together.  Jess returns to Spells R Us and thanks the 
proprietor for all of his help.

I have to admit this story was pretty good.  There are some guys who've 
wondered what it's like to be a woman and, by reading this story, you 
can get a pretty good idea what it's like.

Ratings for "Lover's Desire "
R'khaan (technical quality): 8
R'khaan  (plot & character): 8
R'khaan (appeal to reviewer): 8

==================

"The Punishment Fits the Crime" by E. Z. Riter (ezriter@hotmail.com). 
Guest Review by R'khaan (rkhaan@ix.netcom.com)

	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12514.txt
	---
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=366361800 

Becky Wharton had a secret.  The bad part was her husband, Charlie, 
found out about it.  Seems the lady engaged in a little indiscretion - 
and wasn't discreet enough, having gotten busted fucking Harry the 
tennis pro.  To make matters worse, Harry had taped the entire sordid 
encounter and tried to blackmail Becky.  Charlie didn't give into the 
blackmail and Harry was sent to jail, leaving Charlie to deal with his 
adulterous wife.

Throughout the story, you can see that Charlie is having a difficult 
time dealing with this problem because his love/lust for Becky is so 
very strong.  Yet, he knows she must be punished.  After banishing her 
to the guest room for a period of time, he devises a suitable 
punishment and invites some trusted friends over to witness the 
execution of Becky's sentence.

In the presence of witnesses, Becky is made to strip down to nothing 
and endures some lashes with a whip, which Becky thoroughly enjoys.  
The assembled witnesses are shocked and surprised as Becky is made to 
wear a chastity belt, taking away her ability to fuck and leaving only 
masturbation as her only means of sex when Charlie's not around.

A rather devious and fitting punishment, actually.  EZ does a great job 
in telling of Becky's horror when she realizes that getting whipped in 
front of their friends wasn't the punishment - Charlie was dead serious 
about the chastity belt!  After a tussle for the key around Charlie's 
neck, he finally gives in and gives Becky the high hard one.

It would be interesting to see what happened afterwards...  Good job, 
EZ!

Ratings for "The Punishment Fits the Crime"
R'khaan (technical quality): 8
R'khaan  (plot & character): 8
R'khaan (appeal to reviewer): 8

==================

"Incubus" {Revised version} by Darkside (Darkside@nym.alias.net).  
Guest review by DG.

	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12757.txt 01
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12758.txt 02
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12759.txt 03
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12760.txt 04
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12761.txt 05
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12762.txt 06
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12763.txt 07
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12764.txt 08
	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12765.txt 09
	---
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368731830 01
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368731836 02
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368731842 03
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368731848 04
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368731854 05
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368731860 06
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368731866 07
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368731872 08
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368731877 09

I reviewed this story a few months ago, and was frustrated by the fact 
that a complex, well-plotted tale was badly compromised by sloppy 
writing, grammar, and formatting.  I made a deal with the author to re-
review the story if he gave it a thorough cleaning-up, and he has done 
just that.

Here is the story summary from my original review:  A deranged serial 
killer is on the loose.  One of his victims, a young woman named 
Carolyn, is saved by a psychic, a young man named David, who is able to 
determine where she is being held hostage.  In the process of her 
rescue, David and Carolyn switch bodies.  This rather bizarre plot 
twist is handled well by the author.  Before they can switch back, 
David and Carolyn must come to terms with what happened to them.  In 
particular, Carolyn is haunted by her mistreatment at the hands of the 
killer.  They find that they are developing romantic feelings towards 
each other, which are complicated by Carolyn's feelings for her best 
female friend.

The story as reposted last week is cleanly formatted, and although the 
writing style is not perfect, it does not interfere with the 
storytelling, which is excellent.  I can now strongly recommend the 
story to anyone who enjoys a tense psychological thriller.   

Ratings for "Incubus"
Athena (technical quality): 9 
Venus (plot & character): 10  
DG (appeal to reviewer): 10

==================

"Scratches" by Lord Malinov (malinov@mindless.com). Guest review of 
BillyG (hayden@mindless.com).

	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12449.txt 
	---
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=365516755 

On the occasion of their Eighth Wedding Anniversary, Malinov gives 
depth to the passion of his love with Diana.  In his opening sentence 
he writes: "When I first slipped inside her, she bit her nails in me."

This is about passion - unchecked, ungoverned, raw passion. This short 
bit by Malinov doesn't tell a story, at least not a story with a 
conventional beginning or ending.  It's more a reminiscence of the 
intensity of their fucking, ". . . in wild ecstasies, crescent gouges, 
river wound welts.

It's a good read, even a strong read, poetic in its wildness and 
telling in it's wondrous simplicity. Read it and then reflect a moment. 
Try to remember the passion of your own loving, how impossibly mad it 
was and how you didn't give a shit about convention or propriety or 
even saneness.

Ratings for "Scratches"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9 (even if it didn't have a plot)
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 10

==================

"The Adventures of Marvin Finster - Volume 1" by Unknown Author. Guest 
review by Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com)

	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=206096050

You'll have to bear with me - this is my first review and I'm writing 
it at 1:30 in the morning. Probably not a good combination. Wasn't 
Finster a character on Bugs Bunny? Baby-faced Finster? Never mind ...  
probably no relation and it's late ...

This story is a simple recollection of complex adolescent voyeurism 
turned into a little more. Our hero, Marvin, is going through the usual 
trials and tribulations of adolescence complete with unusually (or 
perhaps usually) high sex drive driven by raging testosterone. His 
school is filled with unattainable nubile young beauties which 
apparently inhabit his dreams <grin> quite often. As luck would have  
it, his school is remodeled in such a way that he finds a secret  
chamber that gives him a nice view of the girls shower. In this way, he 
finds his testosterone relief that he so desperately requires. All he 
needs to do is lay some intricate plans to get himself out of class 
once in a while to see the one girl he really wants, and perhaps a few 
extra sights along the way.

This story does manage to capture some of the trials and confusions of 
an adolescent school boy, with some humour thrown in to lighten the 
mood. I can't say that there is a lot of depth to the story, but I'm 
not sure it was necessary. The author does spend an inordinate amount 
of time explaining his intricate plans to find and make use of  his 
secret room. It adds to the "realism" of the piece, but it doesn't  
have a lot to do with sex other than the ultimate goal of it all - 
spying on the girls. The plans weren't a problem for me, but to be 
fair, I ought to  mention them. 

If you are looking for realism, I found the last part of the story a 
little unbelievable, but that could have been me. It simply seemed odd 
to me that the author would take the time to set up the scenarios to 
get into the secret room in such detail, and then  provide unlikely, 
though erotically interesting, encounters at the  end without any real 
explanations as to how they came about. Perhaps a better look at 
Mattie's character would have helped me understand her motivations. 
Overall, the build up was interesting and flowed reasonably  nicely, 
but I found myself asking questions about the ending which probably  
ought to be better explained in the story. Perhaps the questions will 
be  dealt with in Volume 2, though there was an Epilogue that might 
have been  used more effectively to deal with what happened to the main 
female  characters as well. Epilogues usually try to answer more 
questions than  they raise.

The story itself was reasonably well written. I didn't spot any obvious 
English errors, but I wasn't really digging for them either. I found 
that I was distracted occasionally by intentional errors that were 
there for the humour aspect, but they weren't numerous enough to take 
points off for, and other readers might find them cute.

Overall, this was a decently written voyeuristic journey which probably 
captures the spirit and fantasies of nearly every school boy on the 
planet.

I've tried to use Celeste's standard for marking here, though I have to 
say it's hard second guessing what she'd have given, except on the 
appeal mark which is all mine.

Ratings for "The Adventures of Marvin Finster"
Athena (technical quality): 10 (no obvious errors)
Venus (plot & character): 7 (a touch more depth needed in the
      female character, and more plot advancement at the end would
       have been nice)
Crimson (appeal to reviewer): 8 (a better than average adolescent
      fantasy)

==================

"Repentence" by Elf Sternberg (elf@halcyon.com). Guest Review by BillyG 
(hayden@mindless.com).

	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12877.txt 
	--
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=369683971

"Repentence" is the imaginative progeny of Elf Sternberg's creative 
mind. Those who would hold that there is no place for forgiveness or 
need for repentance might alter their views in light of this 
provocative tale. Mankind, God's children, might be the fitting 
benefactors of such understanding and love, but the Prince of Darkness?

The angel once known as Light Bringer, First of His Words, Son of the 
Dawn, Angel of Morning, after his Fall, came to be better known among 
man as Lucifer, Lord of Lies, the Fallen Angel.  Sternberg offers us a 
sometimes humorous and often iconoclastic portrayal of the changing 
nature of Hell and its Lord. While technology has played a role in the 
evolutionary changes in Lucifer's domain, the magnitude of 
transformation reflects perhaps more of Lucifer's change.

Sternberg's story is more a philosophic offering than a sex story.  Oh, 
there's a tempestuous sexual union between Lucifer and Rosier, his 
consort - Temptress of True Hearts, Lady of Temptation, Demoness of 
Love. Their union is less sweetness and light and more, well, dramatic.

Witness: ". . . rising up, his great wings spreading to hold him 
suspended in midair for a moment over her, giving her one great look at 
this Lord of Hell before he descended onto, into her. A high-pitched 
moan greeted his plunge into her body, his taking of her flesh as she 
had cried for. The great sound of his wings filled the room as Lucifer 
and Rosier, Lord of Hell and Lady of Temptation, mated in unearthly 
passion."

For all of that, this is not a story of seduction.  Perhaps temptation, 
but not sexual temptation.  Mostly, it's an account of forgiveness and, 
as Sternberg suggests, of repentance, perhaps even redemption.

It's very well written, even provocative and certainly worthy of your 
attention.

Ratings for "Repentence"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10 <even if it's not an erotic story>
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 10

==================

"Chosen" by Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com). Guest review by Mat 
Twassel

This is a nice story.  It's long, about 16 pages, and it has a few 
problems, but it has rewards, too.

The story opens with the chieftain's only daughter, twenty year old 
Fawn of the Moonlight Rising, about to make a rare appearance at a 
tribal dance.  The young woman knows that this night she will pick her 
soul mate.  Actually, a sacred stone she has will make the selection 
for her.

Following the opening paragraph, the story shifts to a more modern day: 
Bree is about to go camping with her boyfriend of about three weeks, 
Dave.  She's thinking about sleeping with him for the first time on 
this one-night camping trip, but she's concerned because she's knows 
she's a noisy lover, and another couple will being sharing the 
campsite: her friend and protector, Chet, whom she's known since early 
grade school, and Chet's new girl friend, Natasha, whom Bree has never 
met.  Maybe she and Dave won't make love after all.

Riding up to the camp with Dave, Bree comes down with more than a touch 
of car sickness. Chet, who had arrived earlier, decides to carry Bree 
off to her tent for some rest, but on the way he stops, Bree in his 
arms, to introduce her to his new girl friend, Natasha:

     Bree looked up. Instead of taking her to the
     tent, Chet had borne her to the small campfire.
     Bree took a deep breath, wishing she wasn't in 
     Chet's arms for this, and extended her hand. 
     Natasha looked a little nonplused about the
     introduction and Bree couldn't blame her. She'd
     be pissed off if Dave had introduced Natasha to 
     her cradled in his arms. Natasha extended her 
     hand and lightly gripped Bree's offered hand. 
     Natasha's hand was cool and soft to the touch,
     imparting a certain strength. She didn't seem to 
     be as upset as Bree would have been, had the 
     positions been reversed. A strange tingle crossed 
     into Bree's senses, almost like a spark from 
     static electricity, as she released Natasha's 
     fingers. 

This passage perhaps illustrates some of Crimson Dragon's writing 
strengths and weaknesses: plenty of information, a casual style, yet 
slightly less than perfect flow.  While serviceable, the prose could be 
smoother, more polished, with better rhythms or phrasing or 
(occasionally) word choices, and that makes a difference in a long 
story.  As I got deeper into the story I found myself trying to hurry 
my reading, trying to get the information without having to deal with 
the prose.  Maybe this won't bother you as much as it bothered me.

A few brief (probably unnecessary) shifts in point of view disturbed 
me, too, but all-in-all this isn't a bad read.  If you're looking for 
scads of scalding sex, however, try something else--though for what 
it's worth, I think this story would have been more erotic had more of 
the penultimate scene been left to my imagination.  Despite some 
shortcomings, this story left me with a hint of tears in my eyes.  
That's pretty high praise.

==================

"On Her Leg" by LeAnna (leanna1@hotmail.com). Revised guest review by 
Tooshoes.

	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/11540.txt 
---
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=355961858

After posting my original review of "On Her Leg", I was properly 
chastised for missing the point of the story -- a felony for a 
reviewer. I made a false assumption right at the start of the story 
about what exactly was "on her leg", but that was meant to be the 
entire mystery of the story, and it made all the difference in my 
evaluation of the story as a whole. So here is the revised review:

When properly read, "On Her Leg" is a short, sentimental tale about a 
mysterious memento -- something unseen and nearly insubstantial but 
which binds a young woman to her lover, and transports her to their 
lovemaking whenever she thinks about it, looks at it, or touches it.

The narration slips back and forth in time as the girl sits on a park 
bench amid a crowd, yet her attention focuses on the memento on her 
leg, which surfaces her memories of a previous night of intense sex.

This is a well crafted, sexy story, and the mystery of what exactly is 
"on her leg" is at last revealed at the climax, pulling the whole story 
together.

Ratings for "On Her Leg"
Technical:  10
Characterization and Plot:  9
Appeal:   9

==================

"Keeping Warm in the Arctic Circle" by Gordie D (gordond103@aol.com). 
Guest review by jubjub.

	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12739.txt 
	---
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368726373 

Story Summary:  A married couple living on the frozen tundra

This is not a sex story.  This is a meandering story of a man and a 
woman living in the deep north.  It just happens to end with their 
lovemaking.  A very nice piece, indeed.

Technically, the piece is just shy of perfection.  My biggest beef is 
that the voice of the narrator doesn't come through consistently.  
There were also a couple of misspellings and a punctuation mistake or 
two.  None of this is amounts to a lot, though.  However, what I find 
especially pleasing is that the writer presents almost a textbook 
example of how to write erotica without explicit mentioning the naughty 
body parts more than once.

The characters in this story are very well drawn.  Even better, they 
are drawn using dialogue and action--not the standard idiot speech that 
tends to be the norm for most amateur writers.  You can almost imagine 
you're sitting beside a roaring fireplace listening to a grizzled 
storyteller spinning this tale.  You know this couple by the time this 
story is finished, and you are heartened by the love they have for each 
other.  But I thought the omniscient viewpoint fuzzed the focus of the 
story somewhat.  I also thought the sex scene was a little cliched. But 
otherwise, it worked for me.

Do I like this story?  Yes, very much.  I like this story not for its 
erotic power (which really is tame) but for its presentation of life 
and love in the wild north.

Ratings for "Keeping Warm in the Arctic Circle"
Technical:  9.7  Narrative voice could be more consistent
Characterization and Plot:   9.8  A little cliched
Appeal:  9.8  Very impressive

==================

"Thank You" by Emil (posted by Kristern). Guest review by jubjub.

	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12787.txt 
	---
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=369322287

Story Summary:  Two woman thank a man for employment

This is a bland story.  The only saving grace, depending on your taste, 
is the final third of the story.  That's when the dildos get pulled out 
and things start getting kinky.  But the plot is simple enough.  A 
women and her girlfriend want to thank a man for hiring one of them.

There are numerous small punctuation errors and a couple of garbled 
sentences. The main problem was a bland style.  I think a lot of 
authors need to chuck their high school English instructions about a 
certain writing trick.  Sentence fragments.  They break the flow of the 
story and can provide a sharp point to the narrative.  This writer 
could have benefited from their use.  As it stands this story is a 
little too wordy.  Sentences lose their punch when the number of commas 
increase.  A few less cliches (thankfully no mention of body part 
dimensions) could have also helped.

There is no characterization in this story.  While the author gives a 
nice physical description of the women at the beginning of the story, 
none of it finds its way into the main body.  There is also no real way 
to tell the women apart. This story is, of course, pure stroke.  But a 
few more details could have gone a long way.

Overall, a passable story.  Its high point is a fairly kinky ending 
(though not that extreme) that appears to have been the writer's target 
area to begin with. It would have been nice if the writer had also been 
more attentive to the first parts of the story.

Ratings for "Thank You"
Technical:  8  Bland style with cliches.  Numerous small errors
Characterization and Plot:  6.5  Nothing interesting until late in the 
story
Appeal:   6.0  Hot kinky sex at the end saves the story

==================

"Pool Girl" by Billy Bob (wmrobt@hotmail.com). Guest Review by Mary 
Jorsay Gandmar (maryjg@finebody.com).

	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=369620230 
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=369620235 

I haven't been keeping up with the new stories on the ASS hierarchy and 
would have missed this one if Celeste hadn't sent it to me - many, many 
thanks, C!

This is a lovely little story, quite superbly done overall. I've just a 
few minor gripes. I find that some phrases are repeated too often (even 
twice in the same paragraph). In a quick reading this may not matter, 
but if you want to savor the language, it can be a little jarring. Once 
in a while, there's unusual word usage, too: 'sorta', 'I had to 
contortion myself' and so on. But there aren't very many typos (I saw 
only one, 'clevage' for 'cleavage').A much-repeated error is the use of 
"it's" where it should be "its"; the latter is an abbreviation for "it 
is", not to be confused with the former, a possessive noun form. Also, 
the author has a habit of putting his conversational commas outside the 
closing quotes rather than inside (though he does this with the 
period). I checked the Chicago Manual of Style and it's (that is, it 
is) quite clear that the correct form is to be put the comma inside the 
closing quote.

Casuistry, that, mere hair-splitting. And it does nothing whatever to 
detract from the rhythm and pace of the story. Basically, it's a slim, 
delicate plot: a suburban executive, married, kids, has an in-ground 
pool. He strikes up an acquaintance with a 17 year old on the Net, 
through an Internet Relay Chat service. As it happens, her father 
maintains pools, and she works for her father's company. She comes in 
to look at the pool. His family is at home when she first comes in to 
work on the pool. The next weekend, and this is where part 2 kicks in, 
he is alone - and they have sex. Just as they finish, his wife and kids 
return unexpectedly: dramatic twist number one, deftly handled and 
resolved. This is followed by a subtle shift of focus to his work and 
conversation with his employer which throws the very identity of his 
'pool girl' into some doubt: twist number two, with a sexy, intriguing, 
tantalizing resolution.

The story's got everything: it's funny, it's gentle, it's real, the 
characters are fully rounded. They come across fully described, 
physically and sexually, without long rambling discourses about their 
bodies but with just enough hints and indications to give the reader a 
full picture. The best erotica does this: it stokes the imagination and 
lets the reader fill in his own fantasy for the author's, while 
simultaneously maintaining the natural progression of the story. 
Somehow, he's even managed to capture the ambiance of suburban America 
without having to describe it - one sees a small town, quiet, not much 
happening, lots of greenery, sunlight brittle enough to suggest a place 
with a generally warmer climate, yet with some variations in weather.

The sex in Part 2 is exhilarating, powerfully charged, extremely 
erotic, a major turn on in itself. The sex in and by the pool is 
exciting enough. This is followed by an even more erotic session with 
the pool girl bent over a pinball machine, with the narrator  (well-
hung and muscular) fucking her from behind. That he is big and she is 
small only adds to the allure.

This is very fine work indeed. The author promises us more depending on 
the feedback. I hope this review is sufficient encouragement!

Ratings for "Pool Girl"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character):  10
Gandmar (appeal to reviewer):  10

==================

"Pool Girl" Billy Bob <wmrobt@hotmail.com). Guest Review by BillyG 
(hayden@mindless.com).  {Ooops!  Looks like I got two reviews of the 
same story.... }

	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=369620230 
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=369620235 

Billy Bob's story is one of cheating and an older-younger affair.  
Bill, a 37-year-old man with a wife and kids meets Heather, a 17-year-
old girl on-line.  It is established quickly that they live in the same 
town and a meeting is arranged at the local bookstore. It turns out 
that Bill has a new pool and Heather works summers for a pool 
maintenance company.  Guess what? Yep.  In the guise of helping Bill 
with his pool, Heather shows up at his house and straight away there's 
a mutual seduction.  Graphic description of hot sex follows.  Oh yes.  
Heather has a sister. Guess again.

The story suffers from lack of plausibility and character development. 
If Bill's wife and kids have any role in his life, we don't learn of 
it. They're props at best.  I suppose contrived best describes the plot 
line.  Technically, the story's well written.  It's easier when making 
suggestions to suggest the aid of an editor.  This story doesn't need 
that so much as more depth.  Mostly, it reads like a stroke story. 
Older guy boinks younger girl.  Period.  No message and no emotions.

Ratings for "Pool Girl"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 6
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 6

==================

"Hooked on a Feeling" by Terry Jones (wld_rascal@hotmail.com). Guest 
review by Dart.

	http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12575.txt 
	---
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=367142563 

Kate and Rob were high-school sweethearts. After high school, Rob won a 
scholarship to a fancy Eastern university, while Kate continued to 
raise horses on the West Texas land that she loved. Now, Rob, freshly 
graduated from college, and Kate meet again, since Kate is playing 
hostess for the barbecue that the Mayor is giving on her father's 
ranch, and Rob is a guest. At the barbecue, Kate tries to avoid Rob, 
but Rob is persistent; he wants to talk. Kate succumbs, saddles up two 
horses, and they ride off to watch the prairie dogs. While watching, 
they also satisfy a more pressing need. But Rob wants more than quick 
satisfaction, he wants Kate to marry him and move with him to the 
steel-and-concrete canyons of Chicago. Does she? You'll have to read 
the story.

I think that if the author had taken the time to past the story by a 
proofreader, he could have caught the various little glitches that are 
hard for an author to see, and thereby produced a smoother, more 
satisfying, story. But I thoroughly enjoyed the plot of the story: Kate 
wants A; Rob wants B; A and B can't both be satisfied, but something, 
of course, must happen. However, the plot needed more flesh, and the 
characters needed further development. For example, what happened 
during the summers that Rob was still in college? Why is their dilemma 
still unresolved after four years?

Ratings for "Hooked on a Feeling"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 6
Dart (appeal to reviewer): 6

==================

* "Aunt Peg's Visit" by BillyG (hayden@mindless.com).  Guest review by 
Michael K. Smith.

	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=371059300 

I don't believe I've seen a story by this author before, but I hope he 
keeps writing and posting. This is definitely one hot story! And, 
though the author doesn't say, it seems to be the first part of a 
longer work (I hope).

The protagonist -- whose name, oddly enough, is Billy -- goes to the 
San Francisco airport with his divorced mother to pick up her sister, 
come to stay for the summer. (My first thought was, "Obvious setup.") 
Peg is ten years younger but similar in appearance, . . . which is 
nice, since Billy has had the secret hots for Mom for several years. 
And Mom has to go back to work right away, so Billy promises to look 
after Peg ("Don't call me 'Aunt,' please. I don't want to be all grown 
up"), whose first wish is to try out the genuine California hot tub. 
But first, Peg wants to have a little talk. About frank conversation 
and the effects on her nephew of her taste for nude sunbathing. He's 
willing but warns her that he just might acquire an erection. (Yeah -- 
as if!)

Let's just say I was already feeling the effects myself before aunt and 
nephew ever reached the hot tub deck. The author has a talent for word 
pictures and literate description, and about the only "bad" words 
you'll run into are a few "pussies" and one "cunt." I take this as the 
mark of a budding erotician, not just another porn-scribbler. It is 
indeed a setup, but it's also a lot closer to believable than most -- 
which, for me, makes the story a good deal sexier.

Gotta pick a nit or two somewhere, though (the Reviewers Guild rules 
demand it). Oh, yeah: "Billy" changes inexplicably to "Bob" at one 
point, and the author has a tendency to forget the closing quotes in 
dialogue passages. And I found one misspelling. Nothing that a bit more 
line-editing wouldn't have caught. When I taught history, I was not 
known as an easy grader, but I give this one straight 10s. And I'll 
certainly be watching for the next installment!

Ratings for "Aunt Peg's Visit"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Michael K. Smith (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Dating Ritual" by Michael K. Smith (mksmith@metronet.com).  
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=237591430

This is a vivid description of a date during which the fifteen-year-old 
girl is forced by peer pressure to engage in sex that isn't very 
pleasant for her.  I'm sure many people will read this as a description 
of a really great date or of the "good ole days."  I found it to be a 
brutally realistic but sad story.  I never went out on a date with a 
boy who forced me into anal sex or made me lick his cock clean after he 
stuck it into my ass.  {I might add that although I myself enjoy 
consensual anal sex; anal rape is likely to be painful and unhealthy.  
The anal orifice doesn't self-lubricate during arousal, as does the 
pussy; and so when some jerk forces himself in, the activity is likely 
to tear tissue.  This may sound like fun; but it can lead to medical 
problems.  In addition, anal rape in real life is a very good way to 
get and give AIDS.}  I never dated anyone just to prove that I could 
take his cock just as well as any other slut could.  I know girls who 
acted like that, and I don't know any of them who look as happy at this 
time of life as I feel.  I guess I'm lucky I bought into my parents' 
system of morality and self respect.

I try not to do moral lectures, and I know there are no teenagers 
reading this review or this story.  Here is my lecture.  Don't do what 
they do in this story.  Have sex only with someone you love and trust.  
But it's OK to read this story as soon as you're old enough so that 
nobody is breaking any laws.

This is still a good story.  I just suggest that you think twice if you 
think this sounds like a lot of fun.  I don't think the author saw it 
that way, nor did I.

Ratings for "Dating Ritual"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Diana" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (moh2@midway.uchicago.edu).  
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=169874105 

The young man, just a few years out of college and a bit disillusioned 
with the way his life has gone, has gone off for a couple of days of 
hiking in the Berkshire forest.  Thinking he is alone, he is surprised 
to hear the sound of a woman's voice; and when he follows that sound he 
comes to a clearing in which there are seven blonde women and one red-
head - all beautiful and all naked.  What has he stumbled onto?  He 
realizes that he won't be welcome, and he starts to retreat; but 
suddenly he is summoned to join them.  Does this sound interesting?  
Then read this well-written story.  If you're familiar with Robert 
Frost's poetry, you'll probably get a little more out of it than you 
would otherwise.  And it won't hurt to recall that Diana was the Roman 
goddess of the hunt and of the moon and the protectress or women.  

I love this author!  I'm tempted to make my students read this story 
for English class, but then I'd have to explain where I got it.  
Actually, it will be easier simply to forbid them to read it; they'll 
enjoy it more that way.

Ratings for "Diana"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Trust Me!" by Vickie Tern (VickieTern@aol.com).  

	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=174152739 01
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=168657141 02
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=174150887 03
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=174159863 04
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=174157664 05

The man has become fascinated with cross-dressing.  Since he works 
alone out of his home, he is able to spend most of his daytime hours 
dressed in woman's garb.  His wife, whom he loves dearly, has always 
been skeptical; but suddenly she has become supportive and has actively 
encouraged him to go even further - to live the life of a woman.  The 
man can become the best friend that the wife always wanted.  As the 
title suggests, his wife asks him to put his complete trust in her, and 
she will see to it that he gains the happiness he has been seeking.

Things escalate.  They go to spend a weekend at an expensive resort.  
The wife asks the man to trust her a little further. She confesses that 
she has been having sex regularly with Ben, her boss. Ben is the 
greatest lay a girl could ever hope for, and she's going to spend the 
entire night with him in the adjacent room. In fact if a day or two 
passes when they don't make love, she starts to daydream about him and 
can't tend to business.  But so that the man won't feel left out, the 
wife is going to ask Ben to make love to him first.  She wants her 
husband (or girlfriend - or whatever he/she is now) to make  love to 
Ben with real desire in every move. And she wants the husband to watch 
them fuck at least once, before they close him out and do their private 
things together for the rest of the night.  Infidelity has been 
redefined as sharing!

This author specializes in stories about women who know what they want 
and what other people really want, and who know how to sell it to them. 
This is another good, clever story of that genre. This author also 
specializes in introducing unusual (almost grotesque) complexities that 
actually make sense.  As this story evolves, there are a huge number of 
additional plot details and explanations that I haven't mentioned.  I 
didn't find them to be exactly erotic; but I did find them to be 
extremely creative.  When I got to the end, everything actually did 
make sense.

I am not interested in changing my gender, nor am I attracted to living 
my life with a man who becomes a woman.  Since this is a long story, I 
was unable to finish it last night; and so I went to bed and woke up my 
husband and asked him if he thought I would still love him if he became 
a woman.  Usually when I wake him up after reading a story he humps me 
like a madman; but this story did not have that impact.  I figured 
maybe it was a complex thought for the middle of the night; and so I 
asked him again at breakfast.  He said, "Certainly!"  Then he kissed me 
and suggested that I read a different story.

Ratings for "Trust Me!"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Spare Change" by Dafney Dewitt (dafneyd@ix.netcom.com). 
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=167922913 

The preceding story ("Celeste" by Marjorie Cartwright) reminded me of 
this story; and since this story happened to be reposted just recently, 
I decided to repost this review.

This is not a sexy story.  If you want to get a hard on or get your 
juices flowing, I am almost certain that this story will not help you.  
As a matter of fact, the story nearly made me gag.  Literally.  On the 
other hand, this is a very GOOD story.  It's an example of what we 
literature teachers call Naturalism.  That is, it goes beyond realism 
and shows how really fucked up life can be.  This is also an example of 
excellent feminist writing - although I cannot say for sure that the 
author is a female.  It's a thought-provoking commentary on how some 
men treat women.

The story focuses on an affluent man and a beggar woman.  The man 
decides to get his sexual jollies by humiliating the woman, and she 
turns the tables on him in a very interesting way.  

This is also the first story that I know for sure has gone through my 
Volunteer Proofreading Service.  I cannot comment on what the story 
would have been like without that assistance, but right now it's an 
excellent story.  (Rating: 10)

Ratings for "Spare Change"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Gilligan Mashukah" by Richard Dunstan 
richard.dunstan@indiefilm.com).  
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=169117574 
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=169117579 
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=169076042 
	http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=169078357 

Last week I reviewed Shelby Bush's parody of "Gilligan's Island."  I 
considered that to be one of the best sitcom parodies ever posted on 
alt.sex.stories.  This one is not yet finished; but from what I have 
seen, it promises to be very good.  I'll do a full review of this story 
as soon as the author finishes it.  As the author points out in his 
introduction, "Gilligan" displayed a surreal, nonsensical quality in 
that the three single men on the show never lost complete control of 
themselves while faced with the delectable feminine pulchritude of 
Ginger and Mary Ann.  For the show's audience, however, the predicament 
of Mary Ann and Ginger fueled many an adolescent sexual fantasy; and 
stories like this one will strike a resonant chord in the mind of many 
a reader.

Ratings for "Gilligan Mashukah"
Athena (technical quality):10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

