Celestial Reviews 191 - June 18, 1997
Results of the Second Third Annual Celestial Story Contest

I think it would be  interesting to begin this Contest Edition with a 
Quote from a Prude.  I found this recently on a.s.s.:

"Why must all of you losers insist on using pornography?  
If you had a real life you wouldn't need to deal with this stuff, you 
sick bastards!  If only you realized how stupid you are being!!"

- Social Critic who will remain unnamed here.
  {Those bastards can be viscous - er, I mean vicious, I think.}

I'll counter that bit of inspiration with the final list of stories that 
were eligible for the contest.  I might add that this list is not quite 
complete.  Vickie Tern inspired this whole contest with her "Teasers" 
and "Teasers 2."  I didn't have time to write reviews for all of her 
stories, and so I have reviewed only a few of the best.  Likewise, 
Seurat entered 20 stories in "Twist," but I have reviewed only two.  
Reviewing all the potentially eligible stories of these two authors 
would have more than doubled the number of reviews I would have had to 
write without affecting the outcome of the contest.

For my First Annual Celestial Story Contest I received just three 
entries.  For this Second Third Annual Celestial Story Contest I 
received 43 entries.  There are some really excellent stories on this 
list:

      "Am I Only Dreaming?" by Paddy Toute (really restful sex) 
            10, 10, 10
      "B----'s Lover" by Eli-the-Bearded (necrophilia) 8, 7, 7
      "Bees" by Mat Twassel (a day in the life) 10, 10, 10
      "Best Friends" by Vickie Tern (bestiality) 10, 10, 9
      "Buddies" by Vickie Tern (infidelity) 10, 10, 10
      "Cain and Abel" by Taria (sexual conspiracy) 10, 10, 10  
      "Captivated" by Vickie Tern (femdom) 10, 8, 8
      "Civility" by Mark Aster (mild bondage) 10, 10, 10
      "Confessions of Lust" by Anon 747 (masturbation with a twist)
            10, 10, 10
      "Cream" by Seurat (femdom) 10, 10, 10
      "Daisy" by John Thomas (humor) 10, 8, 9
      "Decisions, Decisions" by Vickie Tern (homework helper) 
            10, 10, 10
      "Double Dutch" by Tom Bombadil (complex infidelity)
            10, 10, 10
      "Dune what Comes Naturally" by Jeanette Brennan (sex
            on the beach) 10, 10, 10
      "Foodie" by Plainman (quickie with food) 10, 10, 10
      "The Game" by Michael Ellis (bondage) 10, 10, 10
      "The Harpooner" by MrSpraycan (whaler sex) 10, 10, 10
      "A Hot Time in the Old Town" by Tom Bombadil (takes two 
            to tango) 10, 10, 9
      "The Houseguest" by DG (animal magnitude) 10, 10, 10
      " If." by Mary's Brother (wife watching) 9, 10, 10
      "In Your Own Sweet Way" by Walter Caulder (anal sex movie)
            10, 10, 10
      "Listening to the Neighbors" by Renae Nicks (voyeurism)
            10, 10, 10
      "A Little Encouragement" by Stephanie (the fast cure) 
            10, 10, 10
      "Memo" by Mike Hunt (office memo) 10, 10, 10
      "My Trusted Friend" by BronwenSM (paradoxical non-infidelity)
            10, 10, 10
      "The Orgy" by kollontai (recovering sex addict) 10, 10, 10
      "Poe" by Seurat (femdom) 9.5, 10, 10
      "Party" by Vickie Tern (orgy & revenge) 10, 9, 9
      "The Phone Call" by Gregarious (phone sex) 10, 10, 10
      "Playing Pool" by BronwenSM (gambling for sex) 10, 10, 10
      "Rant" by Mike Hunt (hallucinatory sex) 10, 10, 10
      "Quiz" by Mike Hunt (humorous word association) 10, 10, 10
      "Recipe" by Vickie Tern (sex & food) 10, 9, 9
      "Sharing" by Vickie Tern (TG femdom) 10, 9, 9
      "Ships That Parse in the Night" by John Thomas (fun with 
            language) 10, 10, 10
      "Spaced Out" by John Thomas (sci fi humor) 10, 10, 10
      "Taken" by kollontai (D&s & angst) 10, 10, 10
      "An Unintentional Voyeur" by Tom Bombadil (unintentional 
            voyeurism) 10, 10, 10
      "A Victorian Tale" by Hoosier Red (sex on a dark & stormy night)
            10, 9, 9
      "Watching" by Tom Bombadil (voyeurism) 10, 10, 10
      "What Choice?" by Art (demanding wife) 8, 9, 7
      "Windmill Saga" by Robert Brennan (work break) 10, 10, 10
      "Yardstick" by John Thomas (humor) 10, 8, 8

Reading the stories was just plain fun; writing so many reviews was hard 
but enjoyable work; selecting the winner was a difficult task.  When I 
wrote the reviews, I decided to give ratings that made it possible to 
compare the stories to OTHER stories that I have reviewed.  Since the 
stories were so good, there's not a lot of variation in the ratings; and 
so it's impossible to look at my list and determine, say, the top ten 
stories in rank order.  That's OK with me.  I would prefer that you read 
the stories and make up your minds for yourselves.

<Drum Roll...>  Here's my winner. <More Drum Roll...>  

      "Bees" by Mat Twassel.  

<Prolonged Applause> I loved the combination of chaos and logic, of 
innocence and ribald innuendo, that I found in this exceptionally 
creative story.  For more details, see the review in the alphabetical 
listing.  As one correspondent said, "This story is entertaining for 
what's NOT said, like whispy clothes instead of total nudity." 
Congratulations, Mat!

I encourage all the authors to repost their stories, so that people who 
read these reviews can find and enjoy the stories.  Almost all of them 
are already accessible through DejaNews as well as in 
alt.sex.stories.moderated.  If you repost a story, it would be nice if 
you would use the {<500 words} designation to help readers find it.

In posting the reviews, I have sometimes omitted the address of an 
author.  Sometimes this omission occurred because the author did not 
give me an address.  A common mistake is that an author sends me an e-
mail message with an attached file without putting that author's name 
anywhere in that file.  When I download the file, it becomes separated 
from the message, which I usually throw away.  Unless the author repeats 
his/her name and address in the story file, I am likely to experience 
difficulty finding and sharing this information.  If you send me a story 
in this way, be sure to put your name and address in the file as well as 
in the cover letter.  In a few other cases, it seemed to me that the 
author did not want his/her address to be made known to the general 
public, and so I simply withheld that information.  If you use proper 
ingenuity, you can find the address of almost any author by looking 
closely at the story when you read it.

Please also remember that the Blow Job Principle applies to these 
stories. Simply stated, if a person expects to get a second blow job, 
the recipient should make the giver glad to have performed the first.  
Applied to these stories, if you like a story, take the trouble to tell 
the author about your feelings.

Some writers on this newsgroup are incoherent and don't intend to 
improve.  If they give up and go away, that's fine with me.  But there 
are good writers who have already abandoned this newsgroup and others 
who will do so, because there's nothing in it for them.

I'm not suggesting that you kiss up to the authors.  But if you enjoy a 
story that you obtained for free, why not take two minutes to give the 
author some feedback?  I don't think most authors want idle flattery; 
but they write stories with the hope that they are getting a reaction - 
for example, they may want to make people happy.  They'll never know 
they have succeeded unless somebody tells them so.

Finally, I seriously mean it when I say it's OK with me if someone else 
wants to declare another winner from the same pool of stories.

Here are the reviews of the stories in alphabetical order:

"Am I Only Dreaming?" by Paddy Toute (paddy22@aol.com).  My own life is 
close enough to this story, that I'm simply going to go autobiographical 
here.  Apparently some of my best sexual experiences have occurred 
without my direct knowledge.  I sometimes wake up in the morning 
extremely refreshed and with vague recollections of a really nice dream.  
When I check, I often find the dried remnants of a sticky substance 
somewhere on my body or on the sheets.  It seems that after a long, hard 
day when I obviously need my sleep, my husband is kind enough to bring 
me to orgasm in my sleep.  The first time he admitted this to me, he was 
embarrassed and apologized for "exploiting" me.  As I questioned him, I 
discovered that my cunt had vibrated in gentle orgasm for over 15 
minutes while he kissed my ass, diddled my clitoris, and was generally 
my main benefactor, before he had shot his wad onto my asscheeks.  
What's a girl to do?  I forgave him, of course; and have "forgiven" him 
many times since that first occasion.  Believe it or not, I had two anal 
orgasms by this route before I even knew he was interested in that sort 
of thing.  What can I say?  I sleep soundly.  Of course, it has occurred 
to me that he could...  but I'd better not say, because that might be 
the plot of this story.

Ratings for "Am I Only Dreaming?"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"B----'s Lover" by Eli-the-Bearded (usenet-tag@qz.little-neck.ny.us).  
This one's hard to summarize without ruining it for the reader.  It's a 
complex but interesting 400-word story.  I think I can summarize its 
main weakness by saying that the author followed my Robert Browning 
analogy a little too closely.

Ratings for "B----'s Lover"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7

"Bees" by Mat Twassel (mmtwassel@aol.com).  This was the 33rd story I 
read for this contest; it was the first one that made me lean back in my 
chair and laugh out loud.  But it's not just funny; it's also very sexy 
- even though no sex actually occurs during the story - at least not on 
stage.  This story uses a wonderful combination of innocence and 
innuendo to answer the common question, what can possibly go wrong (or 
right) if a wife puts her panties into her husband's lunch bag instead 
of a napkin and the husband goes out for lunch with someone else and 
passes the lunch bag unopened along to the sexy receptionist?  The 
answer has something to do with one's belly button and about 500 bees.

Ratings for "Bees"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Best Friends" by Vickie Tern (VickieTern@aol.com). This is part of the 
set of Vickie Tern's postings labeled "Quickies."  This one develops the 
notion that a man's best friend is his dog - except that when a dog 
fucks a guy in the ass, the knot that swells up in the doggie cock may 
cause unnecessary screaming, and the man might pass out, and neither the 
guy nor the dog may be ready for similar copulation for quite a while.  
I have to admit, I had never given the ideas in this plot much thought 
before reading this story.

Ratings for "Best Friends"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Buddies" by Vickie Tern (VickieTern@aol.com). This is part of the set 
of Vickie Tern's postings labeled "Quickies."  Charlie and the narrator 
have been playing a sport together - probably racquetball.  Charlie has 
some scratch marks on his back from a passionate tryst with his 
secretary, who is a regular tiger in the sack.  Charlie wants the 
narrator to cover for him by telling his wife that Charlie got the 
scratch marks when he accidentally fell through a glass partition at the 
racquet club.  The narrator is willing to cooperate, but he doubts that 
the excuse will actually work.  Why?  You'll have to read the story to 
find out.

This story deserves the award for the most succinct, efficient use of 
words.  Just two paragraphs, a total of 260 words, and yet it really 
packs a punch.

Ratings for "Buddies"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Cain and Abel" by Taria (Taria29b@aol.com).  This is NOT predominantly 
a sexy story, but it does involve sex.  I believe there are people who 
would become sexually aroused if they thought about this story, but I 
myself did not.  Since I am trying to review this story without ruining 
it for you, I cannot tell you much about it, because part of the 
pleasure lies in letting you figure out what it is that the author is 
talking about.  Let me just say that this is a well written story and 
that the title creatively associates the events in this story with the 
biblical story of Cain and Abel.  Although conspiracy enthusiasts may 
disagree with me, I am confident that this story is not an accurate 
depiction of historical events (because, of course, I know the real 
truth).  That's enough!  If you want to know more, read the story; it's 
exactly 500 words long.  If the author had room for one more word, I 
know exactly what that word would be: BLAM!

Ratings for "Cain and Abel"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Captivated" by Vickie Tern (VickieTern@aol.com). This is part of the 
set of Vickie Tern's postings labeled "Quickies."  A man who thinks that 
he is God's Gift to Women has been wanting to move in with the narrator.  
She has granted him his wish, but now God's Gift lies captured in 
humiliating bondage in the narrator's house.

Ratings for "Captivated"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"Civility" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com).  Civility. Noun. 1. 
Courteous behavior; politeness. 2. A courteous act or utterance.  

"You FUCKER!" Pat shouts.  "THAT'S your fantasy?  Maybe you'd like to 
ball my little sister while the MAILMAN fucks me frombehind!  Does THAT 
sound good?"  Well, that rules out the second definition.  So the story 
must be about courteous behavior.  Indeed it is.  Pat and Our Hero play 
a fantasy game; and he goes first and engages in courteous behavior by 
fucking her good and proper.

So what's Pat's problem?  You'll have to read the story to find out.

This story is almost an unethical and uncivil entry.  I have reviewed 
something like 45 stories about this author's Allen sisters.  I think 
I'm in love: if I ever fall off the monogamy wagon, I'm going to shack 
up with Pat, Julie, and Aurora Drake.

This is a really excellent story, but not quite the winner.

Ratings for "Civility"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Confessions of Lust" by Anon 747 (Anon747@aol.com).  I enjoy making up 
the brief descriptions that I supply for these stories in the "Table of 
Contents" in each issue of Celestial Reviews.  For example, descriptions 
like "Homework Helper" and "Recovering Sex Addict" seem to me to be both 
more fun and more descriptive than something like {femdom} or {mf} or 
other varieties of alphabet soup.  This one I described as "masturbation 
with a twist."  If that plus straight 10 ratings catches your attention, 
you should take a look at this story.

Ratings for "Confessions of Lust"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Cream" by Seurat (Dantedibby@aol.com). Expressing to his wife that he 
wanted her to occasionally take the lead had not been difficult; but 
getting her to do it was. But then she caught on quickly... too quickly, 
perhaps.  Even if you don't normally like femdom stories, you should 
still give this one a look.

Ratings for "Cream"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Daisy" by John Thomas (JohnThomas@compusurge.com).  This is a brief 
story about a practical joke played on a pimp.  It's very short, but 
quite enjoyable.  I can't tell you anything about it, because that would 
ruin the punchline for you.

Ratings "Daisy"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Decisions, Decisions" by Vickie Tern (VickieTern@aol.com). This is part 
of the set of Vickie Tern's postings labeled "Quickies."  This story may 
qualify for the Best Line Award: " God, she was just beautiful!  When 
she sat down, I swear the seat kissed her ass.  I sure wanted to."  I 
realize that quote included three sentences, not just one; you'll have 
to figure out which sentence I meant.

Anyway, the nerd has long been lusting for the lovely lass with the 
lovely ass.  One day she needs help with her math assignment.  Read the 
story for details.

Ratings for "Decisions, Decisions"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Double Dutch" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com).  If cleverness of 
plot were the only criterion, this story would win the contest.  Perhaps 
this story can best be summarized by inserting the proper word into a 
proverb: "Do unto others (what/so that/or/ before/while) others will do 
unto you."  To put it another way, there are only two males and two 
females in this story, and so there's gotta be just a limited number of 
ways they can fit together - right?

Ratings for "Double Dutch"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Dune what Comes Naturally" by Jeanette Brennan (anon584c@nyx.net).  A 
creative feature of this story is that it is written by a fictional 
character.  As I proofread the preceding sentence, I realized how badly 
it missed the point.  Actually, in a legitimate sense ALL the stories in 
this contest are probably written by fictional characters.  That is, 
almost everyone uses a pseudonym when posting on a.s.s.  What I meant to 
say was that in this case Uther Pendragon has written a pair of stories 
and has given credit for them to Jeanette and Bob Brennan, two fictional 
characters in his long-running "For... " series.  So if this feature 
really works, the present story should not only be a good story; it 
should also appear to be the work of Jeanette as opposed to Bob or 
someone else.

In this story Marlene's mother tells her to be home right after the 
movie to which the girl is going with her boyfriend.  Since they are on 
a tight deadline, they leave the movie early and go down to the beach to 
make out.  But while they're making out in an area where they cannot be 
observed, they hear someone else nearby doing a bit more than just 
making out.  If Uther Pendragon has done his work well and if you are 
familiar with his other work, you should now have a pretty good idea how 
this story will end - or at least it will seem like an ending that 
Jeanette would have written for her entry in this contest.  It worked 
for me!

Ratings for "Dune what Comes Naturally"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Foodie" by Plainman (an10176@anon.nymserver.com).  Some of the authors 
found a loophole in the rules, which stated simply that the story had to 
have 500 or fewer words and be about sex.  In the present case Plainman 
stayed within the word limit, but he took advantage of the readers' 
previous knowledge about his characters.  In other words, instead of 
using 200 words to set up the story, he simply has Princess speak, and 
those of us who have followed Princess and her Court immediately know 
that this person is a dominant nymphomaniac whose husband likes to spank 
her after she reports to him about the slutty activities in which she 
has engaged with other men - or women.

In this episode Princess has planned a rendezvous with a man named 
Robert.  They have planned to go to a really good restaurant, and they 
flirt with each other by relating future sexual activities to each of 
the morsels that they consume.  That's all I can tell you.  This is a 
good story, but not the prize winner.  As a consolation prize, have some 
potatoes with creme fraiche and caviar, Plainman; and then do what you 
wish.

Ratings for "Foodie"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"The Game" by Michael Ellis (michael1a@hotmail.com).  The story starts 
with a really hot bondage scenario, with the guy bound and gagged and 
being teased by an incredibly sexy woman with a perfect body and a 
filthy vocabulary.  Then there's a really strange twist, the likes of 
which I have neither seen nor thought of on this newsgroup before.  
Interesting game!

Ratings for "The Game"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"The Harpooner" by MrSpraycan (MrSpraycan@aol.com). "Call me Ishmael." 
"There once was a girl named Nan Tucket."  This story is shorter than 
"Moby Dick," and it's not a limerick.  What we have here is an 
interesting anecdote set in New Bedford 200 years ago in which a young 
seaman harpoons a lady who is not of Puritan inclination at the Saucy 
Pelican.  This is an extremely well-told tale.

Ratings for "The Harpooner"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"A Hot Time in the Old Town" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com). Ramone 
looks down into Julia's eyes.  Perspiration runs down his brow, his 
cheeks, and his neck.  His sides heave as he sucks in deep lungfuls 
{actually, lungsful <tsk, tsk!>} of much-needed air.  She is equally 
sweaty and breathless.  Their bodies are almost welded together, their 
lips only inches apart.  Good golly, Miss Molly!  What have they been 
doing?  Later we learn that their bodies are separated by a mere 6 
inches; or should we say joined by a mere 6 inches?  And why such a 
humble number?

This story gives us an intense buildup to a sudden twist at the end - 
literally, almost.  To get its full meaning, you'll have to evaluate my 
previous sentence after you've read the story.

Ratings for "A Hot Time in the Old Town"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"The Houseguest" by DG (dionysian1@hotmail.com).  Here we have a tail of 
unrequited love.  The houseguest has developed an inordinate fondness 
for his roommate's girlfriend, and he lets nature take its course.  I 
guessed this ending with about 487 words to go in the story, and I was 
right on target; but it was still fun verifying my hypothesis.  You 
probably won't predict as accurately as I did, unless you take advantage 
of hints provided in this review.

Ratings for "The Houseguest"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"If." by Mary's Brother.  Sometimes a guy makes a mistake when he agrees 
to let the boss fuck his wife in return for a vice-presidency in the 
company.  This narrator admits the mistake, but makes it sound pretty 
sexy.

Vice-presidency, eh...?  I assumed this story was about a company in the 
world of business.  But by an incredible coincidence I happen to know 
that the Secret Service code name for Bill Clinton is R. P. Glass.  That 
means that this could be a true story narrated by Al Gore.  I suspect a 
person with a name like Tipper would put her best effort into an 
activity that might advance her husband's career.  Hmmm....

Ratings for "If."
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"In Your Own Sweet Way" by Walter Caulder (waltcaul@hotmail.com).  I'm 
impressed at how many of these stories hit 500 words right on the nose.  
This one deals with a dilemma faced by a movie director whose male star 
has become incapable of performing for the final scene.  Oh, I forgot to 
mention that it's a porn movie and that the final scene involves anal 
sex.  The director fills in, and he screws it up by cumming inside the 
young lady; but that's only one of several surprises in the end.  That 
previous sentence included a few puns.

Ratings for "In Your Own Sweet Way"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Listening to the Neighbors" by Renae Nicks (RenaeNicks@aol.com).  Don't 
you just hate it when you can hear somebody else making love?  I mean, 
it's not as if you try to listen, which would be rude; but when the 
woman is a screamer or the guy is really good at it or you have two 
virgins going all the way for the first time - well, sometimes you just 
can't help hearing what's going on; and if you're alone, sometimes you 
feel tempted to masturbate and to try to come in rhythm with the other 
couple; but since you know that's wrong, sometimes you just try to 
imagine exactly what it is that they're doing and what part you could 
play if you were allowed to join in; and if you're in a hotel room and 
it's late at night you probably call your husband or significant other - 
unless you're a real pervert and arrange a conference call with both - 
and you try to distract yourself by describing to that person exactly 
what's happening both in the room next door and in the area between your 
legs - well, when that happens, does it ever occur to you that somebody 
at the hotel switchboard might be listening to your phone call and 
getting off at your expense?

Well, anyway, this story is about listening to the neighbors having sex.

Ratings for "Listening to the Neighbors"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"A Little Encouragement" by Stephanie (stephanie@nym.alias.net).  Let's 
see.  We have a young guy being seduced by a beautiful older woman who 
appears to be surprisingly strong.  The story is by Stephanie, who 
specializes in transgender stories and is prone to surprise endings.  
OK, I have put my guess for the surprise ending into a sealed envelope, 
and I'll let you know how I did.  {Actually, I could just write my 
prediction here; it's just as easy to lie and cheat with a word 
processor as to lie about a sealed prediction, but I may need a drum 
roll later.}

Ooops!  I went to the next screen and found, "Hi, honey! I'm home!"  
I'll put my NEW prediction in a NEW sealed envelope.  Fine; so the woman 
hustles her date into a dark room and then returns to face her Honey.  
But the guy is not alone in the dark room; there's a sexy girl in the 
bed there - one with perfectly formed breasts clearly visible through 
her thin night-dress.  OK, I'll put my new prediction in a THIRD sealed 
envelope.  

Fortunately, there was a sale on envelopes at the drug store in the mall 
near my house, and so I handled the vagaries of this plot quite nicely, 
thank you.  Surprisingly, my first guess was almost exactly correct; but 
I won't tell it to you, since that would ruin it for you.

Ratings for "A Little Encouragement"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Memo" by Mike Hunt (M1KE HUNT@aol.com).  Mike Hunt is an unethical but 
talented bastard who will do anything to win this contest.  I have been 
deluged with fan mail praising his stories - oddly enough, most of the 
messages were signed by people whose names appear in this memo.  He has 
been trying to arrange a menage a trois (actually a menage a cinq by 
this time, I believe) with several of his cronies and myself.  He has 
offered his wife June to me as a personal sextoy.  And - most depraved 
of all - he has submitted three creative entries.

This one is worth reading just for the names of the people to whom the 
memo is addressed, including Oliver Clothesoff, The Dickner Brothers 
(Iben, Uben, and Heben), Jenny Talia, and Kandy Thys.  The "story" is a 
creative but futile attempt to get the gang at Mike Hunt Enterprises 
united in their effort to influence the judge for this contest.

Ratings for "Memo"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"My Trusted Friend" by BronwenSM (BronwenSM@aol.com).  Ethics 101 Final 
Exam:  Joe is a married man who hangs around with an unmarried person 
whom we shall loosely refer to as a Lady Friend.  Although she is 
sexually active, the Lady Friend respects Joe's fidelity to his marriage 
and refrains from sex with him, but she frequently describes her sexual 
exploits and fantasies to Joe.  One day they go to buy coke from Biker 
Dave. Believing that his Lady Friend will enjoy the experience, Joe 
subdues her and lets the slimeball have sex with her.  Comment on these 
events from the perspectives of Immanuel Kant and/or Baruch Spinoza.  
This is a very good story.

Ratings for "My Trusted Friend"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"The Orgy" by kollontai (amadora@hotmail.com). The man and his college 
friends have conducted frequent orgies. He has attended faithfully, 
finding pleasure and an enjoyable release. But suddenly,  the fun and 
enjoyment has gone away and he feels like a devoid shell {sic}. He feels 
dirty. He needs a shower.  He feels called to a new life!  Read all 
about it!

Ratings for "The Orgy"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Poe" by Seurat (Dantedibby@aol.com).  This story is a modernized, 
erotic parody of one of Edgar Alan Poe's famous short stories.  I won't 
tell you which one, because then your knowledge of American literature 
would jeopardize your enjoyment of this story.  This is an excellent 
story.

Ratings for "Poe"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Party" by Vickie Tern (VickieTern@aol.com). This is part of the set of 
Vickie Tern's postings labeled "Quickies."  It's a two paragraph story 
that suggests a creative answer to the question, "What should a bride-
to-be do to get revenge when her future husband declines to invite her 
to the bachelor party?

Ratings for "Party"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"The Phone Call" by Gregarious (gregarious@poboxes.com).  What I like 
best about some of these stories is that when I get finished I have a 
"Now I Get It!" experience.  This happens with some longer stories as 
well, but with these extremely short stories I actually have the time 
and patience to go back and check to make sure all the details fit.  
This author does the set-up very well.  I had the full "That Can't Be, 
Can It?" experience, and when I went back and checked, indeed it COULD 
be.

The set-up is that the man is conversing with a woman who is trying to 
get him all turned on.  It's apparently one of those 1-900-HOT-CHIX 
numbers, and the guy is uncertain how authentic the woman is but he is 
really getting into the fantasy.  Then something happens, and you'll 
have to read the story to find out what.

Ratings for "The Phone Call"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Playing Pool" by BronwenSM (BronwenSM@aol.com).  This is one of only a 
few stories that did not rely on a sudden twist and a surprise ending.  
It's just a straightforward appeal to the reader's prurient interests - 
and a damned good appeal it is.

The girls are out to shoot some pool on a Friday evening, when a wholly 
objectionable old-fashioned misogynist begins making a nuisance of 
himself by uttering derogatory remarks about the gentle sex.  Sheena 
challenges him to a game of pool, and when she beats him, he has to put 
his money where his mouth was - no, that's not it -he has to put his 
mouth where their pussies are.  This is a pleasant, sexy story that 
would make Carrie Nation proud to be a woman.

By the way, why are pool tables green?  You'd be green too, if you had 
16 balls and people were poking at them with sticks.

Ratings for "Playing Pool"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Quiz" by Mike Hunt (M1KE HUNT@aol.com).  This isn't really a quiz.  
It's a humorous word association game.  When you read the questions and 
answers together, you will laugh your head or other part of your anatomy 
off.  Pretty funny!

Ratings for "Quiz"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Rant" by Mike Hunt (M1KE HUNT@aol.com).  The main focus of this story 
is a single sentence 483 words long - the sort of thing Sister Mary 
Detention used to have us to diagram when we misbehaved and had to stay 
after school, only with content the likes of which would have made the 
Good Sister give up the habit, so to speak.  Anyway, the sentence is 
grammatically correct, and yes, I have had a variant of the 
hallucination which the author relates in this story.  This description 
sounds silly, but the sentence is well worth reading.

Ratings for "Rant"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Recipe" by Vickie Tern (VickieTern@aol.com). This is part of the set of 
Vickie Tern's postings labeled "Quickies."  In this story the narrator 
brings up the issue of sex and eating in a most peculiar manner.  Trust 
me, you haven't previously thought of this idea!

Ratings for "Recipe"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Sharing" by Vickie Tern (VickieTern@aol.com).  This is part of the set 
of Vickie Tern's postings labeled "Quickies."  It takes the form of a 
monologue, in which a woman is thanking her husband for the pleasure she 
has received by having sex with another man whom the husband has 
graciously allowed her to fuck.  Now she's offering to let the husband 
join in and pick up sloppy seconds.  Maybe she'll even stop giving him 
the pills, so that he can have a hard-on again.

Ratings for "Sharing"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Ships That Parse in the Night" by John Thomas 
(JohnThomas@compusurge.com).  It's stretching matters to call this a sex 
story.  If the statement "Your participle is dangling" has sexual 
connotations, then I suppose this story qualifies.  The story consists 
of a large number of interestingly misused words and phrases - the 
anguished languish version of the English language.  If you enjoy 
thinking about language, you'll probably like this story.  However, even 
I did not get sexually aroused by this story.  Amused, but not aroused; 
but with all these other great stories, who needs more arousal?

Ratings "Ships That Parse in the Night"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Spaced Out" by John Thomas (JohnThomas@compusurge.com).  A couple of 
months ago there was a "discussion" of Celestial Reviews on a.s.s.d., 
and an unfriendly critic got on my case for my "sophomoric humor."  He 
insisted that I liked only one type of story, which he referred to as 
the Groucho Marx genre.  This critic was an imbecile, of course; it's 
safe to assume that (a) Will Rogers never met him and (b) he is 
incapable of realizing the subtle humor in (a).  Having said that, I am 
nevertheless going to give straight 10's to this story. which consists 
of little more than sophomoric humor - but written by a sophomore at a 
very good school!

Aliens have been sent to examine earthly culture, and the being in 
charge of reproductive analysis has had trouble selecting his samples.  
After you read this story, you'll probably recognize it as an elaborate 
development of a familiar sex joke.

Ratings for "Spaced Out"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Taken" by kollontai (amadora@hotmail.com). You should either skip this 
one or read it carefully.  When I first started to read it, I thought I 
had my first grammatically incoherent entry for this contest.  Then I 
realized it was poetry, and I read the story accordingly.  Terse prose 
is not the right way to review poetic prose.  So read this story 
yourself if you want to be touched by the feelings of a woman who has 
become dominated by a man whose power overcomes her.  This type of 
behavior is not my cup of tea, but I still felt that I understood the 
narrator's emotions as I read the story.

Ratings for "Taken"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"An Unintentional Voyeur" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com).  We all 
know the feeling: we come home early when we're supposed to be gone for 
the entire weekend.  Our younger sister has taken advantage of our 
absence and our parents' absence to have her boyfriend stay overnight.  
We listen, and practically have an orgasm imagining the actions that 
accompany what we hear.  But all is not what it seems.

Ratings for "An Unintentional Voyeur"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"A Victorian Tale" by Hoosier Red (xanadu1@ibm.net).  It is a dark and 
stormy night, but isn't it always is in Victorian or gothic stories? The 
woman has offered the man dinner while his clothes dry, another common 
Victorian ploy.  The husband is away and the wife must play. Forbidden, 
glorious, all a dream, his hands finding the curve of her hips at the 
end, and clutching... I'd like to meet this Victor guy someday.

Ratings for "A Victorian Tale"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Watching" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com).  Excellent story!  This 
one is going to make the final cut.  It's hot and imaginative - with 
several double whammies.  I can't tell you anything else without ruining 
it for you.  Check this one out!

Ratings for "Watching"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Watching 3" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com). No, Tom; you can't set 
me up with a story like "Watching" and then expect me to rave over this 
one.  This tale about two voyeurs on a beachfront is a nice little 
story, but it relies too much on the final twist, which didn't fool me 
at all.

Ratings for "Watching 3"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7

"What Choice?" by Art.  The man is unhappy with his wife. Although she 
is beautiful, she is demanding.  His solution is one you have not 
thought of - I'll bet on it! 

Ratings for "What Choice?"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7

"Windmill Saga" by Robert Brennan (anon584c@nyx.net).  As I stated in 
the review of "Dune What Comes Naturally," Uther Pendragon has posted 
two entries for this contest - one under the name of each of his two 
main fictional characters.  This is Bob Brennan's entry.  It reads like 
Dulcinea with a sad ending.  I guess that's plausible. Bob very well 
might have written this story; the more romantic but less adventurous 
Jeanette would probably write the more optimistic "Dune What Comes 
Naturally."

In this story the woman awakens in the middle of the night to find her 
husband exhausted at the computer.  With a burst of Dulcinea-like 
energy, she fucks his brains out and puts him happily to sleep.  What 
sad ending could possibly come from this wonderful act of love?  Read 
the story to find out.

Ratings for "Windmill Saga"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Yardstick" by John Thomas (JohnThomas@compusurge.com).  Two couples 
have gathered for an evening of pleasant conversation and sexual 
innuendo.  Betsy announces that her husband has a 20-incher.  The other 
couple says "No way!" and Betsy says "Way!" and her husband shows all.  
Betsy lied, but not in the way you may think.

Ratings for "Yardstick"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

