Celestial Reviews 246 - January 7, 1998

Note: I am getting a little behind <g> in my reading lately.  With the 
holidays and the Christmas Story Contest, I have not been able to read 
many of the stories submitted to me for review.  I'll catch up shortly.  

Second note: THE WINNER OF THE CELESTIAL CHRISTMAS STORY CONTEST.  
Before I announce the winner, let me say that I was delighted at the 
number and quality of the entries. I don't mean to be trite when I saw 
this; but I honestly feel that there are no losers in a contest like 
this.  The authors "won" by expressing themselves in some excellent 
stories; and we readers won by obtaining some good stuff to read. I hope 
many of the new authors will use this as a starting point from which to 
gauge their progress as writers.  Thanks to everyone who participated!

I am going to announce only one winner, and it has not been an easy 
decision.  There were several outstanding stories.  I have no objection 
at all to someone else publicly proclaiming his/her own winner based on 
these entries. 

The winner of the Celestial Christmas Story Contest is "Stocking Filler" 
by Bronwen.  The story came across to me as a wonderful presentation of 
sexy Christmas magic.  Congratulations, Bronwen!  You can add this award 
to your resume!

The following is an alphabetical list of ALL 31 entries.  Reviews of 
these stories can be found in the current and past issues of Celestial 
Reviews.  Several of the best made my December Top 20 list, and a few 
others are almost certain to make my January 1998 list.

"All I Want for Xmas" by No One
"Another Christmas Carol" by James Martin
"Carole" by Kim
"Charlie B's Christmas" by Sacvan
"A Child's Christmas" by Mat Twassel
"Christmas Carole" by MrSpraycan
"Christmas Dinner" by Tom Bombadil
"Christmas in Scarsdale" by MrSpraycan
"Christmas Present For Kathy" by Unknown Author
"A Christmas Triple" by Kim 
"Claustrophobia" by Adrian Hunter
"The Curiosity Shop" by Sven the Elder
"Dance With Me" by Ellen Hayes
"Destiny Manifested" by Losgud
"An Elf Maiden's Christmas" by PJ "Fantasies" by BitSlinger
"Forget All That" by Uther Pendragon
"Holly & Ivy - An Xmas Fantasy" by Captain Atom
"A Letter to my Babe" by Dexy
"My Xmas Threesome" by Patty Nickel
"The Night Before Christmas" by M1KE HUNT
"Room with a View" by Mark Aster
"Seduction" by A Magician
"Snow Angels" by Saucy Wench
"Snow Flake" by DG
"Snowbound" by Ann Douglas
"Stocking Filler" by Bronwen
"Thank You, Mr. Dickens" by El Sol
"Tongue and Cheek" by Hawk "Santa" Richards
"The Twelve Nights of Xmas" by Captain Atom
"A Very Rejected Christmas" by OddManOut Anywhere
"Winter Solstice" by Raven M.

My congratulations and appreciation to everyone who entered this 
contest!

Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews 
for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.

- Celeste

      "Snow Angels" by Saucy Wench (cold sex) 10, 8, 8
      "A Child's Christmas" by Mat Twassel (Christmas sex) 10, 10, 10
      "An Elf Maiden's Christmas" by PJ (sci fi Christmas sex) 10, 9, 9
      "All I Want for Xmas" by No One (ff sex with sexy elf) 10, 9, 9
      "Holly & Ivy - An Xmas Fantasy" by Captain Atom (Christmas 
            threesome) 10, 9, 9
      "The Twelve Nights of Xmas" by Captain Atom (lengthy orgy)
            10, 9, 9
      "Charlie B's Christmas" by Sacvan (cartoon character sex) 9, 8, 8
      "A Christmas Triple" by Kim (three stories) 10, 10, 10
      "Forget All That" by Uther Pendragon (relationships) 
            10, 10, 10
      "Thank You, Mr. Dickens" by El Sol (classic Christmas tale 
            parody) 9, 9, 9

Guest Reviews: 

      "Other. A Fantasy" by Tom (time travel) 9, 8, 6
      "Summer Help" by Joshu Levi (sex with yardboy) 7, 6, 5
      "In the Backyards" by Frederick T. (emerging sexuality) 8, 6, 7
      "Blossoms" by Lord Malinov (pregnant sex) 10, 10, 10
      "Romantic Interludes" by LM l (fuck & suck story) 7, 7, 7

Reposted Review:

    * "Citation" by Unknown Author (pleasurable police bondage)
            8, 9.5, 9

* = Repost of previous review (because the story has recently been
      reposted)

"Snow Angels" by Saucy Wench (wenchsaucy@aol.com).  Question: What is a 
"coolie"? Answer: A quickie in the snow.

The two ladies are snowed in for the evening - or perhaps longer - in a 
comfortable rustic cabin.  So they go outside and frolic naked in the 
snow.  Their nipples get hard, their breasts get perky, they make snow 
angels, and then Caesar (the dog) jumps against the door and locks them 
outside.  Well, not really; but Brandi lets Janet think so.

So what do two sexy ladies do to keep warm when they are trapped outside 
the house in the snow near a hot tub?  Wrong!  They walk a half mile or 
so to the nearest occupied house, which is occupied by a half dozen 
teenage boys jerking off while they are watching porn flicks.  But that 
possible scenario seems risky or risqu‚ or both, and so they go to the 
next house; where they are greeted with open arms, dial 911, and make a 
cop come.  

Actually, this isn't a Christmas story at all - just a walk in a winter 
wonderland.  It's an unpredictable story with numerous twists and turns 
and various other gyrations.  Let me say that everyone - er, everything 
- finally comes together in the end.  I liked this story a lot.

Ratings for "Snow Angels"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"A Child's Christmas" by Mat Twassel (Mmtwassel@aol.com). The author 
says he hadn't originally intended to write a Christmas story, but he 
was disappointed that Mark Aster didn't give us Pat and Julie and Keda 
and Tommy enjoying Christmas and felt compelled to do it on his own.  So 
he borrowed the gang from the Allen sisters, and the result is a 
delightful story that reads almost like one Mark would have written 
himself.  The author points out that if Mark wants to sue him, he hopes 
that maybe Julie Allen will consent to be his lawyer.

The story begins with Our Hero (to whom the author gives the cryptic, 
almost laconic name "Al") returning from his day's work as a department-
store Santa Claus, accompanied by a delightfully bratty child named 
Malcomb.  The adults do Christmassy things with the kids and sexy things 
with each other.  The NBC Today Show is currently running a series about 
turning 40; and from what they say and from what happens in this story, 
we can safely conclude that Al has not yet reached that age.  The author 
does an excellent job of imitating Mark Aster, with perhaps a touch of 
John Steinbeck at the very end.

Ratings for "A Child's Christmas"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"An Elf Maiden's Christmas" by PJ (pjurado@aol.com).  An evil, 
dark, intergalactic power has decided to destroy Light throughout 
the universe, beginning with Earth, which is noteworthy for the 
light and goodness emanating from its north pole.  The disembodied 
Elf Maiden Gwena is sent as the emissary of Naar to carry out this 
destruction of benevolence.  Meanwhile, in Mr. Claus's toy 
factory, the novice elf Tifa has been assigned to section thirteen 
to screw on case lids. 

This could lead us to the classic Christmas joke: How many elves 
does it take to screw on a case lid? Answer: Just two, but they'll 
sometimes fall off the case lid while they are screwing.  But the 
author doesn't go there. Instead, we have a face-off between the 
Elf Maidens Gwena and Tifa.  Will Gwena convert Tifa and the 
others to the power of darkness?  Or will Tifa win Gwena over to 
the power of Light?  Or will they simply engage in wild elfin sex 
and go their separate ways?  Or will Gwena possess the body of 
Tifa and seduce Santa himself?  And what will Mrs. Claus do if she 
finds out?  The answers may surprise you.  There's only one way to 
find out.  Read the story.

Ratings for "An Elf Maiden's Christmas"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"All I Want for Xmas" by No One (tcm_mct@hotmail.com).  Bree is a 
young lady who has discovered and accepted her lesbian 
orientation.  Which is fortunate, because Santa Claus happens to 
be female in this story.  Actually, it's not Santa who is 
delivering Bree's present, but rather one of those elves with 
fiery red hair, pert breasts, and a tight little ass - the sort 
that evokes visions of sugarplums.

After some small talk over milk and cookies, the elf serves 
herself up as Bree's Christmas present.  The story even has a 
moral: it's only when you start taking the gift for granted that 
it loses its meaning, and is no longer a gift.

This is another very nice story!

Ratings for "All I Want for Xmas"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Holly & Ivy - An Xmas Fantasy" by Captain Atom 
(captatom@thepentagon.com).  Many other Christmas stories have a 
plot of sorts - something to do with harmony in the universe or 
being kind to children.  This one is a straight fuck and suck 
story: the narrator finds Holly and Ivy under his Christmas tree, 
and they're off to the races.  It's hot stuff!

Ratings for "Holly & Ivy"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"The Twelve Nights of Xmas" by Captain Atom 
(captatom@thepentagon.com).  The narrator has done a good deed for 
Mary, a new vice-president at the company he works for.  As a 
reward, he has received the gift of a new woman for each of the 
twelve nights of Christmas.  Beats the hell out of a partridge in 
a pear tree or a bunch of lords a leaping!

The episodes are hot but brief.  I suspect that the author knows 
that there are FORTY days in Lent.

Ratings for "The Twelve Nights of Xmas"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Charlie B's Christmas" by Sacvan (sacvan@hotmail.com).  Charlie 
Brown has been seduced yet one more time by Lucy.  No, not for 
sex, but to play football.  As he approaches the ball to give it a 
good, firm kick like one of the Pilgrims from the Mayflower, he 
notices that Lucy is wearing no panties at all. Her cunt is pink 
and beautiful, with just a well-groomed touch of her raven-black 
hair, flashing sensuous organic color right next to the white 
snow. As he continues his approach, he notices that the tuft of 
pubic hair seems sticky. The fingers of her other hand are 
rhythmically circling her clitoris, her pelvis moving in sympathy. 
Maybe she had been masturbating right on his front porch. Or 
perhaps she had just had sex with someone else. The hand reaches 
down, so delicately, it seems to take impossibly long, and inserts 
fingers deep into her cunt. She tosses her head back, her lips 
parted....  Will he kick the ball, or will the distraction cause 
Charlie Brown to miss the football yet one more time?

This story will make no sense to Europeans, who think football is 
soccer.

The story is not yet complete.  The author promises us the rest by 
next Christmas.  I hope he keeps that promise.

Ratings for "Charlie B's Christmas"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"A Christmas Triple -- Three Stories by Kim" 
(Ghost@nym.alias.net).  Kim certainly has been writing some 
excellent stories lately!  This is a set of three stories, each 
quite different from the others.

"A Quiet Rooftop Orgy" is set in the context of Malinov's Holiday Orgy.  
To put it briefly, Kim and Rob get it on nicely on the rooftop of the 
Castle.  Then in "Dark Doings in the Dungeons" various authors punish 
the repentant reviewer for her pernicious punditry, if there is such a 
word. But the depraved damsel bares up - er, bears up - and takes on all 
comers - men and women, fingers, tongues, pricks, dildos, with a 
delightfully wicked enjoyment and offers her customary love and kisses 
to all.  The final story, "Silent Night," is not as good as the other 
two.  It relies heavily on a surprise ending that just didn't move me.

But two out of three ain't bad!

Ratings for "A Christmas Triple"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Forget All That" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). I suppose 
the main characteristic of the sexual activity in Uther 
Pendragon's stories is that it is both delightfully arousing and 
arousingly delightful.  In addition, the sexual activity is a 
perfectly natural part of each story.  We don't read about sexual 
athletes or people under the mystical influence of mind control; 
we read about people like ourselves or our parents twenty or fifty 
years ago.  It turns out we might have been interesting and sexy 
people.

And then we have the aphorisms - adages that would make Benjamin 
Franklin proud. 

**** "There is room for two in a twin bed, but not for two and a 
wet spot."

**** "Daughters and husbands both create messes, but my daughter 
and my husband are both worth it."

This chapter in the Brennan saga is written from Jeanette's 
perspective, and it includes her perfect description of her 
perfect man: "His puns are execrable, his vocabulary can make me 
blush, he thinks that passing gas is  funny, his version of 
vacuuming a carpet isn't worth plugging the machine in, he can 
out-stubborn a cat without even trying.  He will, however, hug me 
when I need it without my telling him why I need it.  And no, you 
can't have him." When you mix that sort of thing with discussions 
of family finances, parenting skills, French phrases that are 
easily transparent to non-francophiles, and really hot and tender 
sex, the result is a darned good story.

As this story begins, Bob and Jeanette have now been married for 
ten years.  Imagine that. The Kitten (their daughter) is not yet a 
year old.  They have returned to Bob's parents' house to celebrate 
Christmas and to make this story eligible for the Celestial 
Christmas Story Contest.  The story is a remarkable combination of 
current activities and flashbacks to Bob's and Jeanette's earlier 
lives together and apart.  I laughed and I cried and visited my 
own version of Bob for orgasmic and comic relief.  What more can a 
girl ask for in a story?

The story is long on "relationships" - in this case with a focus 
on the relationship between Bob and his family.  In addition, 
within this line of thought the author gives us sometimes lengthy 
digressions on complex topics.  For example, we get a complex 
lecture on economics from Bob's father.  This is boring - but 
that's the point: the old man goes off onto perplexing tangents, 
but that's part of his personality.  I think it is always 
difficult to deal with relevant but extraneous information in a 
story where the readers will be looking for erotic impact.  I 
suppose this author could improve, but I think he already does a 
pretty good job.  My advice is, if you find yourself reading a 
paragraph that sounds way too complex, just read it without trying 
to understand all the details.  There's a good chance the author 
is just trying to give the impression that the characters are 
having complex thoughts - he's probably not really trying to teach 
you any French or economic theory.

As in many other episodes of the "For" stories, the author throws 
in tantalizing details that make us wonder, "What was that all 
about?"  For example, in this episode Bob and Jeanette visit her 
family as well as Bob's.  The details of that visit led me to 
suspect that Jeanette had been subjected to some form of childhood 
sexual abuse from which Bob wants to protect his wife and his 
daughter.  The author handles this kind of innuendo extremely 
well.

Penultimately, let me give you non-francophiles some free help.  
Bob and Jeanette are long on puns.  The main pun in this episode 
occurs whenever the baby says, "Oooh."  Each time this happens Bob 
immediately replies (often in French), "No, it's not August; it's 
December."  Ya see - The French word for August sounds remotely 
like "Oooh," and since Jeanette is a student of French.... 

Finally, please note that the story has been reposted in revised 
form by John Dark (john_dark@anon.nymserver.com).

Ratings for "Forget All That"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Thank You, Mr. Dickens" by El Sol. The author has subtitled this 
"A Slightly Sexier Christmas Carol.  And indeed it is. Although 
Ebonezer Razz is a modern version of Ebenezer Scrooge, the author 
has expended legitimate and fruitful effort to bring the old 
tightwad into the 20th century.  In addition, the genders of some 
of the characters have been changed in order to enrich the sexual 
experiences.

To enjoy this story, all you have to do is engage in a few "what 
if's?"  What if Scrooge had a sexy half-sister instead of a loving 
nephew?  What if his beleaguered employee were a hard-working but 
attractive secretary rather than a guy with a crippled kid?  What 
if Scrooge begrudged his employees their happiness but then 
eavesdropped on a couple of them having sex in the office during 
the Christmas party?  Think of the voyeurism that would be 
possible during the visits of the ghosts of Christmas past, 
present, and future!  Think of what Scrooge could do that would be 
more memorable than send a prize goose to his nephew!  And who 
might exclaim, "God bless us every one!" at the climax of the 
story - and how might that climax and those words differ from Tiny 
Tim's?

This story has great potential, but the author himself points out 
in his disclaimer that this story isn't yet quite what he wanted. 
The Christmas Carol theme seems to be a natural for a sexy 
Christmas story, but nobody yet has risen to the task.  El Sol 
promises to try again next year.  I hope he does.  It's already a 
good story, but it could become much better.  And remember: the 
copyright has expired; so the rest of you can grab onto this story 
as well.

Ratings for "Thank You, Mr. Dickens
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Other. A Fantasy" by Tom (tje@mail.nls.net). Guest review by BillyG.

Have you heard someone lament, "If only I had my life to live over."? Or 
have you said, "If I only knew then what I know now . . ."? The story's 
author, mourning the missed opportunities of seducing his boyhood 
friend, Sam, or the "lovely blond girl with braids on each side of her 
head," Molly, gives himself that chance of going back and re-living his 
life at age 12.  Accept that there are an infinite number of parallel 
worlds and that our protagonist has the capacity to jump at will to any 
of these and you have the beginning of this story.

I'm left with the impression that the author regrets the missed 
possibilities of seducing a smooth young boy or a pre-pubescent girl and 
is giving himself permission to go back and get it right.  Now here's 
the important psychological catch: He goes back with all his adult 
memories intact.  He becomes, in essence, the same "dirty old man" in 
the body of a 12-year-old boy.  As a consequence, his psychological 
advantage is enormous.  

This story then becomes a variant of the body snatchers or the shape 
shifters wherein a lecherous adult who is emotionally stuck in the 
missed windows of pre-adolescent seduction, disguises himself as a kid 
that he might re-live the lost chances.  More, if and when the natural 
course of events play our or fail to develop to his desire, he simply 
looks for the EXIT sign and jumps to yet another parallel universe.

There is a lack of substance in the nameless protagonist, a slippery 
superficiality of repeated seduction and desertion that I found 
decidedly unappealing.  

Ratings for "Other "
Athena (Technical Merit): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6

"Summer Help" by Joshu Levi (levi_joshua@hotmail.com).  Guest review by 
James.

What I immediately liked about this story was its mildness, its 
suggestiveness. The first few paragraphs made me think one way, but 
really took me another. I had to ask myself what sort of story I was 
reading. Strangely, I liked it this way.

She is Barbara Williams, a divorcee for five years. An overprotective 
17-year-old son who has now left for school helps set the scene. Now the 
house feels empty and larger than it really is.

At least she still has her looks. Barbara knows she still looks good. 
She's noticed the way her son's friends look at her. Especially the one 
she invites over to help her with chores.

Such is the story.

I like this story best not for its sex, but for the way Joshu sets a 
scene.  However, especially with a "continued...", this story fails to 
satisfy. The story is too suggestive - the sex too short lived. 

Ratings for "Summer Help"
Technical Merit: 7 
Plot & Character: 6
Appeal to Reviewer: 5 

"In the Backyards" by Frederick T. (an19164@anon.nymserver.com). Guest 
review by Dart.

I found this to be a somewhat strange story. It certainly didn't develop 
in the direction I expected; and even after I read the story several 
times, its development, its plot, still leaves me both baffled and 
amused. Perhaps the proper way to view the story is simply as a series 
of events that occur to a twelve-year-old one summer - events that are 
connected because they happened to him. These events may describe 
reality, but they make for a disjointed story. Still, I did enjoy 
reading it - if that makes any sense.

The story begins very pleasantly by describing the summer adventures of 
a healthy, and daring it turns out, twelve-year-old male. One morning he 
climbs a tree and discovers that he has an unobstructed view into Elsa's 
bedroom. And there she is, nude, combing her hair. He watches until she 
eventually sees him. For a moment they stare at each other, and then 
Elsa closes the drapes.

Well, I suppose for a twelve-year-old that that's enough to create an 
obsession. It certainly does so for the story's young hero. He returns 
to his lookout tree on several other occasions, but the drapes are 
always closed. More drastic action is required, and the young man rises 
to the challenge.

What should happen now? Well, for me, what happened was totally 
unexpected. It was also not well integrated into the plot. I won't say 
more, because everyone should be allowed to experience the story's 
surprise for him- or herself.

Ratings for "In the Backyards"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 6
Dart (appeal to reviewer): 7

"Blossoms" by Lord Malinov (malinov@mindless.com).  Guest review by Sven 
the Elder.

As those who read both a.s.s and a.s.s.d at present can ably testify, a 
lot of the former has become a rather putrid swamp just at present.  
This fact is evoking rather a lot of vehement, if mildly entertaining, 
posts to the latter.  All have good points; and yes, there is "freedom 
of speech" and yes, that includes all shades from the light of some 
really excellent stories to the dark of troll & shock merchants, who are 
rather like naughty schoolboys saying 'Bum' for effect.  There are also 
the dark porn merchants that beggar belief. Sadly, in our imperfect 
world and anarchic Usenet they too have the 'right' to post. We also 
have the 'right' not to read.

Soapbox ditched, mild rant mode 'orft'!  Why this mention of the dross 
you ask? Well, every now and again a story comes to light which eclipses 
the rubbish to such an extent that it is worth trawling through the 
garbage to find it.

Malinov, I know you don't like the thought of your work going through a 
critique process; so I shall not do so. Just be aware of one thing, 
gentle readers: Mal has recently started writing what he calls "Trashy 
improv(isation)" - his description of some of his short stories. They 
tend to use the English language in a neat and concise way which, 
coupled with short punchy story lines, is most entertaining.  They are 
all worth searching out.  Use Deja (adult) Malinov.

This is *not* a "trashy improv," I hasten to add - just a rather nice 
story about gentle, hot love in the latter stages of pregnancy. Go find 
it and enjoy a superb read.

Ratings for "Blossoms"
Technical quality:  10
Plot & character:   10
Sven (appeal to reviewer): 10  

"Romantic Interludes" by LM l (RNRH85C@prodigy.com).  Guest review by 
Kim.

Hey, my first review of 1998...

So what have we got here? I was somewhat perturbed to see this in the 
introduction to the piece : "The following story contains extreme sexual 
content." Wow, I thought, what has Celeste dropped on me now? A snuff, 
pedo, scat, cannibal, bestial, love story or something?

Well, no actually. A rather timid little story about a guy and his 
girlfriend who one evening decide to kiss, suck, lick and fuck. And 
that's it. I think LM needs to check out the usual day-to-day contents 
of ASS before he issues such heavy warnings in future <smile>.

That really is the entire plot. The girl, Lisa, asks the narrator, 
Jeremy, to make love to her, and he does. You couldn't really ask for a 
more succinct story than that.

Question is, of course, was it any good? Weeeellllllll... to put it 
bluntly, not really. The writing is pretty clumsy, and the character of 
the girl is vacuous to say the least. One more "squeal" out of her and I 
felt I wanted to slap her soundly round the face.

I guess I shouldn't be so harsh on such a genteel, almost romantic, by 
ASS standards, piece. It's just a pleasant little story of two people 
being very nice to each other. It's just a shame it wasn't done better.

I think LM needs to practice his story telling some more, but he should 
stick with it, his heart's in the right place. I'm assuming LM is in 
fact a male.

Ratings for "Romantic Interludes" - by "LM l"
Athena (technical quality): 7 (A stream of cliched descriptions)
Venus (plot & character): 7 (They fucked...)
Kim (appeal to reviewer): 7 (Give the girl some brains, for God's 
      sake!)

* "Citation" by Unknown Author.  Guest review by Piper.

I think the premise of this story falls under the heading of "don't try 
this at home".  Any guy who flashes a female police officer in the 
expectation of receiving the same kind of treatment John gets from 
Officer Edwards deserves his just reward - booking, conviction, a police 
record as a sexual deviant, fine, probation, and possible jail time.  

Lucky for John, Kate Edwards isn't a normal cop, and she has a really 
well-developed sense of humor.  She gives him a chance to get out of the 
"public exposure" charge (or whatever it's called in your neck of the 
woods).  In her own words, "Until six tomorrow morning, you are going to 
be my slave.  If you do everything, EVERYTHING I tell you to do, and 
don't complain about anything...I'll be happy and you'll be free.  Fail 
to comply just once, or complain the slightest bit...and I book you as a 
pervert.  Deal?"  At this point, John is naked and secured both hand and 
foot to an empty bunk in an empty basement cell in an old, abandoned 
police building.  He agrees.

This story involves handcuffs, zap straps, whipped cream, a string of 
pleasure balls, a small vibrator, an abandoned but still functional 
police building, and a banana.  Officer Edwards just happened to have 
all of the above (except the building) in a bag in her patrol car (I 
wonder just what kind of "emergency" these things could be used for).  
Being the curious deviant I am, and having no personal experience in 
this area, I asked my two friends about the practicality of using a 
peeled banana.  After the laughter died down and they quit smirking at 
each other, I got the following advice:

    "Yeah, you can use a peeled banana.  It's better if you leave the 
    skin on, though," said one.

    "As long as you cut the rough bit off the end," said the other (they 
    spoke in turns, frequently interrupting one another).

    "Peeled, they're kinda fragile, so you gotta be real careful.  Bear 
    down too much, and you got banana puree."

    "That's messy.  But it's fun cleaning up."  (More laughs and 
     knowing glances passed between them.)

So now I know that bananas, peeled or not, are usable phallic 
substitutes.  The story gained a little credibility, although it still 
remained well out in the realm of fantasy.

Technically, this story has some problems.  Most of them, I believe, are 
due to the ravages of time.  The story has been around for a long time.  
It's been through the mill, bouncing around from BBS to archive, from 
system to system, from editor to word processor, and has suffered the 
odd wound.  While I did find one or two spelling errors, most of the 
problems come from small bits of missing prose.  Something, somewhere, 
pruned a few words here, the end of a sentence there, and the odd 
descriptive in between.

This is a pretty good story.  It doesn't quite fit into the femdom 
category because Officer Edwards doesn't abuse, mistreat, or humiliate 
her captive.  She merely teases him into having the best sex of his 
entire life.  The descriptions are hot.  The sex is hotter.  The ending 
is a foregone conclusion about a quarter of the way through.  An 
enjoyable fantasy for anyone who's had lustful thoughts about our women 
in blue.  

Ratings for "Citation"
   Technical merit    8
   Plot & character   9.5
   Appeal to reviewer 9
