Title: Identity Crisis
Author: Cait N.
Series: DS9
Pairing: B/m
Rating: PG
Parts: 1/1
Archive: DoS
Feedback: caitn@mindspring.com
Website: http://www.asstr.org/~CaitN/

Disclaimer: TPTB wouldn't know a successful pairing if it
bit them in the ass. Unfortunately Paramount owns the
characters; I just take 'em out for a spin every once in a
while.

Summary: My answer to Lucy's Challenge: Write a story in
which at least one Cardassian wears makeup. Also, you must
use the words 'Nymph',  'Announce',  'Gallantry' and
'Idol'. The sentences - 'Of course you look fabulous, well,
if compared to a Ferengi that got dressed in the dark at
least…' and 'Look, I am glad you want to be civilized and
talk, but I should warn you that in view of recent events I
have the urge to strangle you, okay?'.

= = = = = = =

"Identity Crisis" Copyright April 2002  by Cait N.


"This is the stupidest thing I've ever done. I don't know
how you talked me into it." To say that Julian Bashir was
less than pleased was the understatement of the year.

"Hold still," Jadzia admonished. "Do you want me to have
to start all over?"

"Oh heaven forbid!" Julian tapped his foot with
impatience. "I don't see how you women can stand this. Do
you do this *every* day?"

"Pretty much." She stepped back and put the makeup brush
down. "There, all done, I think." She reached for the brush
again.

"Oh no," Julian said backing up and beating a hasty
retreat to his bedroom. "You've done as much to my face as
you're going to do."

Jadzia sighed. "It's really not that bad, Julian. I bet
you'll have fun if you just relax."

"Dressing in drag and double dating with you just so you
can go out with Captain Boday again is not my idea of fun,"
he hollered back at her.

"I told you already, I tried to find someone else." She
smoothed her dress over her hips and then went down the
list again. "Kira absolutely positively refused; she can't
get over the transparent skull business. Keiko is on Bajor
helping to organize a horticulture symposium, Leeta has to
work, and Jabara has a date already."

"And you couldn't think of anyone else," he said
sarcastically.

"It's just for one night, probably two hours at the most,"
she cajoled. "Captain Boday has this real important
business associate and he wanted to have him to dinner to
show his appreciation. It's Boday's only night on the
station and he doesn't want his associate to feel
slighted." She added the finishing touch. "I don't have
anyone else to turn to, Julian. I need you."

She could hear his sigh all the way from the other room.
She knew she had him hooked.

"Can't we just eat aboard his ship, or in your quarters?"
His words were interrupted by the sound of groaning and
pulling.

"Do you need any help?"

"No, you've helped enough tonight," he answered. "I don't
see why we have to go to Quark's," he returned to the
previous topic.

"It was my idea," Jadzia informed him. "I thought that a
more intimate setting would be awkward. We can find a
quiet, dark table in Quark's and no one will pay you any
attention, I promise."

"This is bound to backfire, somehow, some way," Julian
muttered as he stepped out of the bedroom. He'd allowed
Jadzia to apply some makeup and to style his hair. He'd
taken some hair follicle growth injections earlier in the
day and his hair now hung in silky waves just past his
ears. 

Jadzia had bought a long-sleeved pantsuit from Garak's
shop in the guise that it was for a friend, which really
wasn't a lie. It was Antarian wool, a deep aqua color that
accentuated his eyes and made his limbs look long and
elegant. They'd gotten past the lack of breasts by stuffing
one of Jadzia's bras. It was better than her original idea
that he take gland injections.

"Julian, I'm at a loss for words."

"I look okay then?"

"Of course, you look fabulous -- well, if compared to a
Ferengi that got dressed in the dark at least." 

"That's it," he turned around to stomp off to the bedroom,
but Jadzia grabbed his arm.

"I was just kidding, just kidding," she hastened to
reassure him. "Combined with your dark hair and the makeup
I put on you, that aqua color makes you look like an exotic
sea nymph." She smiled at his questioning look. "Honest."

He smiled though it didn't quite reach his eyes. "Let's
get this over with." 

~~*~~

A group of people stood outside Quark's; the crafty
Ferengi must have had something special going on. Julian
couldn't see Captain Boday in the crowd, but Jadzia, with
the added height her heels gave her, quickly spotted him. 

"Boday," she said, weaving her way through the crowd, hand
firmly clasping Julian's arm and dragging him behind her.
"I'd like to you meet my friend, Jule."

"Jewel, it's a pleasure to meet you. You're just as lovely
as Jadzia said you were." The freighter captain bowed low
over Julian's hand and kissed his wrist. 

Julian was surprised at the other man's gallantry. From
what others had said, he'd expected Boday to be just as
coarse and unmannered as a Klingon. "Nicetomeetyoutoo," he
mumbled. 

"Let me introduce my business associate." Boday turned to
search through the crowd. "Ah," he exclaimed, spotting his
quarry. "Our dates have arrived."

Everything happened as if in slow motion - at least that's
how it appeared to Julian.  A Cardassian turned and smiled
at them, the smile slowly turning to confusion and then
surprise. "Julian?"

"Garak?"

"Julian!" Recognition had definitely set in.

"Garak?" Jadzia parroted.

"Jadzia."

"Julian? I thought her name was Jewel."

"It's short for Julian," Jadzia hastened to explain.

Julian was still staring in horror at Garak. "This is your
business associate?" he said in a higher voice than he'd
intended. He cleared his throat.

"Yes," Boday answered, "I bring shipments of material and
notions to Mr. Garak on a fairly regular basis."

"I think we should go in to find a table now," Jadzia
offered, hooking her arm through Julian's and forging a way
through the crowd. "Julian, I had no idea, honest," she
whispered into the doctor's ear. "I can come up with a
horrible headache, or maybe if you suddenly got stomach
cramps and had to go to the infirmary. But I don't think it
has to be a complete disaster. Garak is kind of nice, I'm
sure, and I don't think he'll like stand up and announce to
the whole room -"

"Look, I am glad you want to be civilized and talk, but I
should warn you that in view of recent events, I have the
urge to strangle you, okay."

At the miserable look on Jadzia's face, Julian sighed.
"I'm sorry, I'm still in a bit of shock at finding out that
Garak is my 'date' for the evening."

"I'll make this up to you, I promise."

Julian nodded dejectedly. 

They reached the inside of Quark's and waited for the men
to join them. Boday pointed to a table in the far corner
where three Klingons were standing up and settling their
tab with a waiter.  "That's perfect," Jadzia answered for
the others. It was dark and semi-secluded and hopefully
being in the shadows would help Julian relax.

They got seated at the table and the waiter took their
orders. It was a new guy; some temporary help that Quark
had recently hired. Julian was glad that it wasn't someone
he knew. The sooner this "date" was over and done with the
better. 

Garak, seated opposite Julian, leaned forward to say in a
quiet voice, "My dear doctor, I had no idea that you were,
how do they say it, a cross-dresser."

"I'm not," Julian spat at him. 

"You're not what?" Boday said. Evidently Julian hadn't
kept his voice low enough.

"Not very hungry," Garak answered. "I think we'll just
have the brandied mussels and two ginger mochas."

Julian was about to protest at Garak ordering for him, but
decided that arguing would only make Boday curious.  He
sat, his arms crossed in front of him and glared
alternately at Jadzia and Garak. To his consternation, the
former ignored him while the latter couldn't seem to take
his eyes off him.

Julian leaned forward and asked in a low voice, "What? Is
my lipstick smeared? My mascara clumpy? What? Why are you
staring at me?"

Garak gave one of those half-smiles that never failed to
make Julian jumpy inside. "Because I always knew that you
were attractive, I just never thought you could take my
breath away."

Julian sat back in his seat, floored. He had no idea what
to say to that. Thankfully, Boday spoke up then and he was
given a brief reprieve.

"So, Jewel, has Jadzia shown you the Moseian idol I
brought her?"

"Um, no she must have forgotten." Julian wondered at
Garak's slight chuckle but kept his eyes politely on Boday.

"It's a statue of Icasa, the Moseian god of Promiscuity.
The male has four tentacles in place of genitalia, one for
each of their four senses -"

"They don't have any sense of smell," Garak added.

"None at all," Boday agreed, "so the four tentacles have
these hollow tubules and little suction attachments on the
end, so that during sex, the other male -" "The other
male?" It was Julian's turn to interrupt.

"Oh, yes, Moseians always have same-sex mates. Mating
between members of the opposite sex is considered deviate." 

"Oh."

"It's quite fascinating," Garak said with a knowing look
at Julian. "Why I've heard that when a Moseian male is
extremely aroused, his tentacles can swell to three times
their normal size."

"Three times."

"Yes, and then the partner's tentacles slip inside and -"

"Here's your order," the waiter said holding a large tray
of food and drinks.

Julian didn't know whether to jump up and hug the waiter
or kick him in the ass. The Moseian mating story had left
him with a painful hard on, and the pants that he was
wearing left him with very little room for "adjusting"
things.

He realized when he saw the large plate of steaming
mussels that he was hungrier than he'd thought. Digging
into his food with gusto, he reined in his raging hormones. 

Dinner passed in relative harmony. Boday was charming,
Jadzia was attentive and Garak was. . . Garak was
flirtatious. And if Julian was honest with himself, he was
starting to enjoy.

By the end of the evening, he was flirting back, his hand
lingering on Garak's, his eyes dancing with desire and
delight. It was almost as if along with the new persona
came new freedoms previously undreamt of.

"Another round of drinks?" Boday questioned after their
plates had been cleared.

Julian shook his head. "Not for me, thank you. I'm afraid
I'm tired." 

Boday stood up and pulled Julian's chair out for him. "It
was a pleasure to meet you, Jewel."

"Likewise," Julian answered honestly. He could see why
Jadzia had wanted to spend the evening with the charming
Gallamite.

"I'll walk you to your quarters," Garak offered, standing
up and bidding Jadzia and Boday farewell.

Jadzia's look was sly and smug, but Julian just ignored
her. He took Garak's arm and mumbled a polite goodnight.

"Let me guess," Garak said as they strolled down the
promenade toward the living quarters, "Jadzia couldn't get
anyone else to be my date?"

"Pretty much; I was her last hope." Now that he was up and
walking around, Julian didn't feel tired at all. "I had no
idea you were going to be my date."

Garak chuckled. "Had you known would you have backed out?"

Julian thought about his answer. "I honestly don't know.
Would you have still shown up if you knew that I was going
to be your date?"

"No." Garak's answer was quick and decisive. "I wouldn't
have stood you up."

Julian felt something inside him melt, but he still had
one more important question. "Okay, but would you still
feel the same if I wasn't wearing feminine clothing and
made up to look like a woman?" 

Garak stopped and cupped Julian's chin with his hand. "I
find you very attractive, Julian. You, not what you look
like, but who you are inside."

The sincerity in the Cardassian's eyes made Julian want to
cry with joy and relief. "Your quarters or mine?" he asked
in a voice husky with pent up desire.

"Does it matter?"

"Not in the least."

= = = = = = = = = Two weeks later = = = = = = = = =

"Hold still."

"How much more are you planning to put on me?" "Just a
little bit more. If you'd hold still this would go a lot
faster."

"I still don't see why this is necessary."

"I had to go through with it, so you have to, too. At
least once."

"I have no idea how you convinced me to go through with
this."

"You agreed though, and you can't back out now."

"You asked me to do it in the afterglow of the most
intense orgasm I'd ever had. You knew I wouldn't be able to
think straight at a time like that."

"All's fair in love and. . . love," Julian countered.
Garak shifted position and Julian sighed. "Be still."

Garak was proving to be most impatient. Julian applied the
last of the lipstick and stood back to admire his
handiwork. "Just a little bit more," he said, moving
forward again.

"Julian," Garak said stopping Julian's hand, "I seriously
doubt I need anymore of that holodeck ho' red."

Julian choked. "Holodeck ho'? Where did you hear that
expression?"

Garak smiled. "My dear doctor, you'd be amazed at what I
hear in the course of a single workday." He turned away and
grabbed the shawl that matched his outfit. "Are we ready
now?"

"I guess so." 

Julian, resplendent in a charcoal gray tuxedo held out his
arm to Garak. He ogled Garak's crotch and licked his lips.
"You look ravishing, Emily."

Garak winked. "As do you, Jewel."


THE END


















