Celestial Reviews 334  July 18, 1999

Note: When Ralph first noticed that his penis was growing larger and staying
erect longer, he was delighted, as was his wife.  But after several weeks his
penis had grown to nearly twenty inches. This was getting to be uncomfortable.
Ralph became quite concerned; so he and his wife went to see a prominent
urologist.  

After an initial examination, the physician explained to the couple that,
though rare, Ralph's condition could be cured through corrective surgery.

"How long will Ralph be on crutches?" the wife asked anxiously.

"Crutches? Why would he need crutches?" responded the surprised doctor.

"Well," said the wife coldly, "You ARE planning to lengthen Ralph's legs,
aren't you?"

Second Note: The man met this gal in a bar, and one thing lead to another... 
The man said, "Let's go back to my place." She said, "Oh, do you have cable?" 
He replied said, "No. But I have some old ropes that should hold just fine..."

Third Note: Occasionally good writers stop writing stories for this newsgroup. 
If you rarely or never respond to authors, then THIS IS YOUR FAULT!

What in the world do you think keeps an author going?  You can call it ego or
whatever you want to call it.  I call it THE BLOWJOB PRINCIPLE.  Simply stated,
if a person expects to get a second blow job, the recipient should make the
giver glad to have performed the first.  Applied to these stories, if you like
a story, take the trouble to say so.

Some writers on this newsgroup are incoherent and don't intend to improve.  If
they give up and go away, that's fine with me.  But there are good writers who
have already abandoned this newsgroup and others who will do so, because
there's nothing in it for them.

I'm not suggesting that you kiss up to the authors.  But if you enjoy a story
that you obtained for free, why not take two minutes to give the author some
feedback?  I don't think most authors want idle flattery; but they write
stories with the hope that they are getting a reaction - for example, they may
want to make people happy.  They'll never know they have succeeded unless
somebody tells them so.

=====================
Celestial Reviews Index:
=====================

"Basic Training" by Ann Douglas
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=498335795
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=498335799
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=498335803
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=498338750

"Detention" by Gapmaster (sex with teacher) 8, 5, 4
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=499622931

"Die Harder Than Ever" by Marquis Oliver de Clozhoff 
      (violence and sex) 6, 5, 5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=499376293

"A Sexy Story" by Maria Gonzalez by Maria1971@aol.com
      (sex on the highway) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=471139172

"A Boy on the Bank" by dvc (sex with young boy) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=499264378

"Brown Thursdays" by Titmouse (anal sex) 10, 10, 10

"Washout" by Verywierd  (FF torture) 10, 7, 3
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=495381984

"Night Table" by E.Z. Riter (humorous quickie) 10, 8, 8
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=452475537

"Dream On!" by Stasya (humor & bestiality) 10, 8, 7
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=499125327

"Lizzie" by Al Steiner (dope & sex) 10, 8, 7
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=423990853

"The Gift" by Virago Blue (ghostly sex) 9, 8, 8
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=498001642

=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================

"Timing is Everything" by Jimmy Hat (cops & sex) Owl: 9.5, 6.5. 7
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=486441791
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=486441788

"Cousin Swap" by Titmouse (sex in a car). Myers: 7.5.
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=497039849

"The Uncertainty of Meekness" by Mr. Lee (ff sex). Myers: 5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=499867604
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=499870917

"My Neighbor" by Admiral Cartwright (seduction by young girl).
       BillyG: 9, 10, 9
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=499220649
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=499220653
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=499220657

"Face to Face" by Robotdoll (robot-like sex). Nick: 8, 8, 8
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=500338653

"The Bride's Father" by Bruno (sex at wedding). Gandmar:
      (No rating)
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=499580193

=====================
Reposted Reviews:
=====================

* "Creative Interlude" by Ann Douglas (sex fantasies of a 
            smut writer) 10, 9, 9
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=298812481

* "Safe Sex" by Wollstonecraft (rough first time sex)
            9.5, 9.5, 9.5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=499885717

=====================
Here are the  Reviews:
=====================

"Basic Training" by Ann Douglas.
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=498335795
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=498335799
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=498335803
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=498338750

As I started this story, I didn't really like the protagonist, a low-level
officer at a military training base. She was too exploitive. Later, I warmed to
her considerably, as she abandoned her usually dominant role and learned the
joys of being a bit more submissive.

The parts of this story don't fit together quite as well as in most of Ann's
stories. In addition, we have the usual problem of a few proofreading errors
that really oughta be fixed  occasional omission of words or a correctly
spelled wrong word. However, these are not serious problems. This is still a
very good story.

Ratings for "Basic Training"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Detention" by Gapmaster (news@thegap.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=499622931

Seth and Tommy have been ogling their teacher and passing notes back and forth,
discussing such matters as what she would look like with her clothes off and
their big hard cocks rammed up her cunt.

At a loss for what to do, Ms. Willoughby eventually tells them, "Perhaps if you
no longer have to wonder what I look like, maybe you'll concentrate more on
your studies."

Never in the entire history of the world has such a strategy actually worked.
It would work with one of my colleagues, but that's because she is butt ugly
and has no personality. 

However, as you may have suspected, in this case Ms. Willoughby gets what's
cumming to her. But being flexible, she hits upon the solution. Realizing that
her original notion of satiation was unlikely to be effective, she switches to
a fixed interval schedule of positive reinforcement: "Here's the deal. You
promise to pull your grades up in my class and in return I'll expect you boys
here, every Wednesday till school's out for more detention. You've both got a
lot of after school work ahead of you."

It's so crazy, it just might work. But then maybe not. If this approach really
worked, then Arkansas and Mississippi would be much higher in the SAT rankings
 or at least in parenting skills or communicating with their cousins.

Anyway, this story ends before much really happens; and my summary is probably
better than the actual story. However, this story ends with "to be continued,"
and the prologue mentions a site where readers can find lots of stories just
like this one. I suspect these stories go into additional educational
principles, such as what to do if the learner fails to perform up to standards,
grading on the curve, and resolving Oedipal complexes.

Ratings for "Detention"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4

"Die Harder Than Ever" by Marquis Oliver de Clozhoff.
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=499376293

This is a simple violence and sex story that is very, very loosely based on the
"Die Hard" type movie, I guess. The heroine trains security agents or spies or
something, and she has sex with her current trainee. It's really not much of a
story  just superficial gimmicks and stereotypical sex.

Ratings for "Die Harder Than Ever"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5

"A Sexy Story" by Maria Gonzalez (Maria1971@aol.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=471139172

I've learned to expect creativity from this author, and this story did not
disappoint me. In this case, we get to see this story about a quickie between a
girl on a motorcycle and a guy in a Viper from three different points of view 
the author's, the narrator's, and the characters'. The story is carefully
annotated, so that readers can easily skip the sexy parts and read only about
the actual motorcycle and car trips. However, I'm not sure many readers will
want to do that.

Ratings for "A Sexy Story"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"A Boy on the Bank" by dvc (dvc1284@pacbell.net).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=499264378

Deborah has a thing for pubescent boys. She and the guy she's with watch a boy
skipping stones on the bank of a stream. They discuss how Deborah could
approach the boy in order to teach him about the wonders of sex and have some
jollies for herself while performing this service. We don't actually get a
description of her doing anything with the boy, but by the time she returns to
the car, our imaginations have been allowed to fill in the blanks.

In my undying attempt to write good reviews, I interviewed the best source I
could find on male sexuality  my husband. I cornered him and asked him how he
would have reacted had an adult woman made overtures to him like those
described in this story. When he hesitated to respond, I assured him that I
would make him happy that he had consented to the interview, and he became more
loquacious.

His first answer was that it would never have happened. He would have perceived
such a woman to fall under the "Don't Talk to Strangers" rule, and he would
have got the hell away from her really quickly.

So I persisted. But what if somehow the woman did get you to take a close look
at her body, to show her yours, to let her touch your penis. What if she
eventually gave you a blowjob and let you fuck her? What effect would that have
had on you?

He said he obviously would have enjoyed it, but he would have felt guilty as
hell. He thinks he would be wrong for a woman to impose that burden on a child
without assuming any responsibility for the consequences. Assuming he would
have had to grow up in his ordinary environment thereafter, he would have found
it difficult not to hang around with the more promiscuous kids, instead of the
kids he actually did hang around with. She would have essentially been taking
his childhood away from him, and as superficially sexy as the activity might
sound, that would have been wrong.

At this point I considered the interview to be successful, and I fucked his
brains out. His innocence is now permanently gone.

My husband's points are well taken.  That's why it's fine with me if society
has laws against things like those described in this story and if the cops are
setting properly conducted, legal stings to catch the bastards who seduce
children on the Internet. More power to them!

Nevertheless, this is a good story  not because it suggests a behavior that we
all oughta take a shot at, but because it offers a legitimate insight into the
"good side" of what my husband described as a "bad idea." 

Ratings for "A Boy on the Bank"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Brown Thursdays" by Titmouse (NiteSweats@aol.com).

Andie and Joe have been having regular fuck sessions on Thursdays for quite
some time. I don't think the story specifies their age, but they're both pretty
young. One day Andie suggests that maybe after she gets Joe nice and hard he
could fuck her in the ass. It all works out very nicely in the end <wink>.

I have often added a comment to anal sex stories in which I have stated my
warnings about lubrication and possible infections. This author has a
disclaimer of his own. In addition, he has recently posted an Anal Sex Primer
that is much better than my brief comments on this topic.

I personally enjoy anal sex. My husband and I don't do it often; but on special
occasions it's a real treat for both of us. What I have never understood are
the stories in which authors assume that the "normal" progression is from oral
to anal and then to vaginal sex. I cannot imagine that progression as being an
order that is likely to lead to sexual bliss. In my own relationship with my
husband, anal sex came last  after we were really comfortable with each other.
I think a lot of the authors who write about anal sex as a good way to avoid
having babies are writing about a fantasy they have never experienced.

At any rate, this story gives a really good description of really good anal
sex. I strongly recommend it  the story that is. Try anal sex only if both you
and your partner really want it. And read this author's Anal Sex Primer before
you do so.

Ratings for "Brown Thursdays"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Washout" by Verywierd  (dbdg@mailcity.com)
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=495381984

Joanne is a model who is down on her luck. That is, she owes a large amount of
money in gambling losses, and she needs to pay it quickly, or else she will be
wearing concrete shoes at the bottom of a remote body of water. She has the
money coming in the form of an advance on a book and video, but that isn't due
for two weeks, which is too late to satisfy her creditors. Since her publisher
despises her, Joanne agrees to let her torture her in return for advancing the
advance.

And so she does.

That's about all there is to the story. In this case, torture makes sense. That
is, one woman hates the other, and so it is understandable that brutalizing her
might be fun.  However, I still didn't like the story. This is because I
learned nothing about either of the characters, and the story did nothing
except show me how cruel one person can be to another. In addition, I kept
getting the impression that I was supposed to think how really neat it could be
for one woman to rape another with a wire-handled bottle washer. Somehow, it
just didn't sound all that neat to me.

Ratings for "Washout"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 3

"Night Table" by E.Z. Riter (ezriter@pdq.net).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=452475537

Mat Twassel has been trying to enliven a.s.s.d. by asking a question each week
in his Weekly Quiz.  In this brief story the author answers the request to
"tell us what's in or on your night table."

Actually, they have rapid sex on the night table, with very few details. It's
an interesting answer. It reminded me a little of the answer to what's on top
of our dishwasher as well as what was on top of the stack of empty unfolded
boxes in the storage room when we offered to close up for Ole What's His Name a
few years ago.

Ratings for "Night Table"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"Dream On!" by Stasya (stasya@netzero.net),
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=499125327

The guy gets raped by some dogs. The Chihuahuas capture him, and then the
Bloodhound takes over. This probably didn't really happen. It's humor.

Since this was a short review, I'll tell you a little story of my own. A guy
goes into work with a really bad hangover. His buddy looks at him and says "You
look like shit. Rough night huh?". They guy answers "I'm so ashamed, last night
I went home and blew chunks." His buddy says "That's not so bad, I've done that
plenty of times." The guy replies "You don't understand.... Chunks is my dog."

I thought that story was appropriate, since what I had written so far was an
unduly short review of a humorous bestiality story. But actually, I can do
better than that:

Three Labrador retrievers - one brown, one yellow, and one black - are sitting
in the waiting room at the vet's office when they strike up a conversation. The
black lab turns to the brown and says, "So why are you here?"

The brown lab replies, "I'm a pisser.  I piss on everything - the sofa, the
drapes, the cat, the kids.  But the final straw was last night, when I pissed
in the middle of my owner's bed."

The black lab says, "So what is the vet going to do?"

"Gonna give me Prozac," came the reply from the brown lab.  "All the vets are
prescribing it.  It works for everything."

He then turns to the yellow lab and asks, "Why are you here?"

The yellow lab says, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences; I dig up flowers and
trees; I dig just for the hell of it.  When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. 
But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owner's
couch."

"So what are they going to do to you?" the black lab inquired.

"Looks like Prozac for me too," the dejected yellow lab said.

The yellow lab then turns to the black lab and asks what he's at the vet's
office for.

"I'm a humper," the black lab says. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a
pillow, the table, fire hydrants, whatever.  I want to hump everything I see. 
Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry
her toes, and I just couldn't help myself, I hopped on her back and started
humping away."

The yellow and brown labs exchange a sad glance and say, "So, Prozac for you
too, huh?"

The black lab says, "No, I'm here to get my nails clipped."

Ratings for "Dream On!"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7

"Lizzie" by Al Steiner (al_steiner@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=423990853

While not exactly fat, Lizzie is a chunky 19-year-old high-school dropout, with
thick, meaty legs and enormous breasts. She's also about six months pregnant by
a guy she no longer sees and has come into possession of some pot she has
offered to share with her brother and his friend, who is the narrator of this
story. Her navel is currently an outie, but that's not as important as the fact
that she also lets guys have sex with her.

Anyway, our narrator soon finds himself bopping Lizzie, who until that time had
not even been an object of his fantasies during masturbation, which have
occurred a healthy one to three times a day, mostly with more lovely but less
lewd and lascivious lasses in his mind's fuckin' eye.

At first Lizzie says, "There's nothing in the world like a nice, smooth bong
hit of some killer greenbud.  It's better than sex.  You'll see." Meanwhile,
Kevin looms about, saying things like, "'fuckin' aye'", which is damned near
impossible to punctuate correctly within quotation marks."

This is not Al Steiner's finest story. The narrator's naοve inexperience is
charming or something like that, but the whole story is just a little
disjointed and confusing. When I read stories in which people relate what
happened to them when they are plowed out of their minds, I can't help
wondering how they are supposed to remember all those details. 

The story also had some irritating proofreading errors. Sometimes a single word
makes a big difference. The narrator starts out by saying about himself and his
friend, "Our home-lives could not have been much different." What he meant to
say was, "Our home-lives could not have been much MORE different." 

Ratings for "Lizzie"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7

"The Gift" by Virago Blue (mdmvirago@aol.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=498001642

The man has had a tough break-up with his girlfriend, who turned out to be a
money-hungry slut. So he has gone away for a short vacation at the Maison
Cadeaux, where a beautiful woman named Simone presents herself to him as "part
of the room service." She services him very nicely in his room. But when the
man expresses his gratitude to the person at the desk, he discovers that no one
named Simone works there. And then he sees a picture on the wall of the
long-deceased mistress of the former owner of the house. You'll never guess
whom the picture resembles.

Ratings for "The Gift"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================

"Timing is Everything" by Jimmy Hat (jimmy@jimmy-hat.com). Guest review by
Watchful Owl.
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=486441791
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=486441788

"Timing is Everything" is a relatively quick read featuring two FBI agents
investigating a sexual harassment case. Of course, the accused is extremely
hung and quickly has our heroine on the floor, while her male partner is busy
with the secretary.

I'm the sort who would whip out a pen to correct something that he's reading,
so technical quality is important to me. I was not disappointed here; in fact,
I was pleased with the technical quality. I noticed only a few small formatting
and punctuation errors.

The plot, however, seemed a little thin to me. Although the characters were
developed as well as could be expected, there was no conclusion to the plot.
Instead, the protagonists simply left the building, only suspecting what the
other had been up to.

However, if plot isn't terribly important to you, this should be worth a read.
This was a good effort.

Ratings for "Timing is Everything"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot and character): 6.5
Watchful Owl (appeal to reviewer): 7

"Cousin Swap" by Titmouse (NiteSweats@aol.com). Guest Review  by Dave Myers.
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=497039849

This entry from up-and-coming author Titmouse is really a very nice read. But
frankly, it isn't up to the level of some of his previous stuff. Other better,
notable, and more ambitious Titmouse stories have been "Bound to Please" and
"Surprise!". 

The plot is a straight couples swap that takes place on one of those "hot
summer nights of youth". There are hurdles to cross in making this believable
and keeping it fun, and the author is up to the task from beginning to middle
to end. What else is there, you say? Well, alas, there should be even more of a
"beginning" to this one. The lead in is so abrupt that we must simply accept
that the main character has basically materialized in this vehicle, having
already had sex with one girl, and ready to take on another. If you've ever
heard of the Greek phrase "in media res" (referring to a story that starts in
the progress of the action, then backtracks to tell the prologue, and then
finishes the action), then this one would qualify roughly as "post coitus res"
(narrative resuming after one sex act, but not backtracking for the reader's
benefit at all. I'm not saying the story *required* this extra stage-setting,
but it sure would have been better.

This shouldn't deter you from reading the story if you are already in the mood,
but it makes the piece less of a real narrative and more or less just a little
fragment of stroke fiction. 

Rating: 7.5

"The Uncertainty of Meekness" by Mr. Lee (TheMrLee@hotmail.com). Guest review
by Dave Myers.
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=499867604

{Celestial note: I normally review any story only once. With multipart stories,
I prefer to review them after the whole story has been posted. However, if the
author requests a review early (after just a few parts have been posted), I
often comply with this request.}

Sometimes, it is hard to write a critical review that suggests that the author
go back to the drawing board, but I think that is what I am about to do. 

Though told through the eyes of a woman looking back on how she became a dyke,
"Uncertainty of Meekness" almost entirely takes place in the past, when the
narrator was a wee lass of 16. Well, that is - the PART of "Uncertainty of
Meekness" that I actually was able to read was set in past;  you see, the story
is very obviously incomplete, and no ending could be found (by me) that has
been posted anywhere. We know this because the author makes allusion to an
entire plotline set in the present time that is never actually played out in
the slightest. Unfortunately, in that very allusion, the author largely gives
away his entire plot concept (and at this point, I have to assume it is only a
concept, since I don't have that part of the text). And that makes it almost
impossible to judge the way that the author has handled the concept as a whole.


Even before the remaining segment of the story turns up, I can suggest some
things that will make this work in progress more enjoyable. First, for the
reader, just don't even read the first two paragraphs. It will confuse you, and
set you on the wrong track for really enjoying the work the author has put into
his flashback. In these opening lines, the author makes vague, unconsummated
allusions to a metaplot involving the present-day narrator's character, and he
explains (a little) the reason for the title. 

Now on to the review of the heart of the story (so far): how the meek 16 year
old girl figured out she was a lesbian. For the most part, this was a
well-written piece. It is more cerebral than most stuff you'll find on ASS, and
flaunts a bit better of a vocabulary. But there are a few things that can
really be improved. First, the tone is way too damn serious. The dialogue makes
the thing feel slightly heavy handed rather than momentous. Second, the author
doesn't do a good job getting into the eyes of a younger female character. The
characterization, which is something important to the overall grand
demonstration of her meekness, doesn't fly like it should. Lastly, once the two
young women in the recount finally do make love to each other, the finale is
described in about a quarter of the detail in which the events leading up to
that point were described. I can't fault the author a whole lot for that, since
the overarching plan was never to end the story at that juncture anyhow. 

My suggestion, honestly, is for the author to just use the flashback portion of
the original idea as its own story by itself. Beef up the ending (as written,
the finale won't do), make the characterization less serious in nature, and
there you have a pretty nifty little story. 

Rating (as is): I don't even know how to rate a story where I absolutely need
part 2 in order to rate part 1 fairly !

Rating (for all except the first two paragraphs, and treating the rest as if it
were its own story by itself): 5

"My Neighbor" by Admiral Cartwright (adm.cartwright@starfleet.com).  Guest
Review by BillyG (hayden@mindless.com)
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=499220649
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=499220653
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=499220657

I once had a patient, an attractive woman and movie critic who, during a
hospital stay, was reviewing movie videos most of the waking day, some of which
included socially distasteful scenarios.  When I inquired how she managed to
sustain her enthusiasm for her reviews, she explained that her suspension of
judgment only necessitated an ongoing awareness that she was dealing with a
story - fiction, not fact.

There are some story topics I find sufficiently distasteful, fiction or fact,
that I don't care to visit there.  Other questionable scenarios fall somewhere
on a continuum from more to less objectionable.  Adult men having sexual
interactions with young girls is an example.  While my personal experience is
zero, my rich and wide ranging fantasies of sexual play with pubescent girls is
not.

So, my mindset on reviewing "My Neighbor" was one of guarded expectation -
fearing the worst but hoping for the best.  As is often the case, the
realization was somewhere between those poles.

First, the Prologue to the story is mostly a disconnected personal statement by
the author that serves no obvious purpose.  The long sentences were at times
confusing and the meandering details didn't relate to the story.  Skip that.

On a positive note: In contrast to a no-paragraph, block story, this tale
effectively employees white space, paragraphs and chapters to highlight
thoughts and set a compelling pace.

The story itself was well thought out and flowed easily.  The descriptions and
sexual build up between the protagonist, an adult man and Jennifer, his
11-year-old neighbor, were well paced and quite erotic.  Jen, the Lolita next
door, frequently visits his house and the stage is set for the seduction.  Her
mom, largely invisible, is the babysitter, which allows intro for him to visit
her house and, of course, to play out the seduction.  Sexual tension builds
between them in a compelling manner.  The man paints himself as a somewhat
hapless male, beguiled by the sexual allure of a forward young girl.  It moves
slowly and believably, leaving one with the impression that yes, this could
really happen. 

Ratings for "My Neighbor"
Athena (technical quality): 9 (main story)
Venus (plot & character): 10
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Face to Face" by Robotdoll (robotdoll@banet.net). Guest review by Nick (e-mail
nick@cassandra.demon.co.uk)
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=500338653

In the preamble to this the writer asks the following:

I tried something deliberate with this story.  The main character's sexuality
is left delberately nebulous.  So it might be a girl, it might be a guy.

My question is, does it work?  Does it allow you to read the story and make
them whoever you want, or does it come off as a cop-out?

Well the answer for me at least is that since the story is about how the main
character behaves in a dehumanized robot-like fashion, it is quite important
that the character has definable human qualities to start with. We are dealing
either with a homosexual male or a heterosexual female and since their
sexuality is an important part of their humanity it is important to know which
they are.

I tried to read this from the POV of a gay male, but couldn't get on with it.
It works far better for me if *she* is a female hetero. That is, of course, a
personal view and it would be interesting to see how others take it, but for me
the deliberate ambiguity only serves to irritate.

This is a genre story about how one person controls another in a robot-like
fashion. The hero(ine) is given a set of "control" commands and thereafter does
the bidding of his/her master, walking into walls, falling down and finally
presenting his/herself for sex. It has a little twist in the tail which I find
just a little unconvincing, whichever sex the person is.

Even so, it is quite well written and quite sexy provided you can identify the
character with who you want him or her to be.

Marks for "Face to Face" are:
Athena (Technique)		8
Venus (plot/Character)	8
Appeal				8

"The Bride's Father" by Bruno (brunoiam@aol.com). Guest Review by Mary Jorsay
Gandmar (maryjg@finebody.com).

The last review I did for Celeste generated some discussion on a.s.s.d. I was
hauled over the coals for my review - deservedly. It wasn't a review at all
and, in my replies to the posts, I did apologize.

But the debate generated several interesting questions and ideas. One
suggestion, for instance, is that an author should be sent an advance copy of a
bad review. Other questions came up, too: Should we have reviews at all? Are
they necessary? Or even advisable? What purpose do they serve? Who cares what a
reviewer says? Should we follow the exceedingly didactic system of 'grading'
reviews?

Personally, sending the author an advance copy of a bad review is a good idea.
It's civilized, it's polite, it does no harm and it gives the author a chance
to rework the story and repost it. I agree, too, that the grading of stories
should be done away with.

This review is, I'm sorry to say, another negative one. I am sending it off the
author in advance, through Celeste, for what it is worth; but the review is of
the story as originally posted.

If "The Bride's Father" has a redeeming quality, it's the brevity. A few
paragraphs and we're done. Now being succinct is a challenge few conquer. But
this is an extreme case. Basically, the structure is this: The author's
daughter is getting married. People are having sex at the wedding. The father
has an orgasm. C'est tout. Finis.

I have several problems with this. The overarching weakness is, I fear, sheer
laziness. It's badly proofed - and that shows scant respect for the reader.
Grab a dictionary, a thesaurus, use your word processor proofing tools, but use
something. It's "bridesmaid", not "bride's maid" or "Bride's Maid". You don't
capitalize common nouns in the middle of sentences: "Are you Happy, Mr. Kelly?"
No, actually I'm Mr Kelly. Happy is still with Disney, with Dopey and Grumpy
and Sleepy and Snow White. The peripatetic author is constantly "finding"
things, people: he walks into the house and finds his daughter. He finds the
kitchen. Why? Were these lost? Hidden? Why doesn't he just go to the kitchen or
to his daughter's room? And it's 'well-built', not 'well built'. The two
phrases have distinct connotations. Then the use of those awful, awful neutral
phrases: "The reception was pleasant". "It was a good wedding". This is like
saying "this is a nice story" - which is saying nothing at all. This is just
plain sloppy.

There is no characterization whatever. We don't even know what the people look
like, forget their feelings, emotions, attitudes. They are automatons who pop
in and out of closets (his ex-wife and the 17 year-old), toilets (the author),
grope each other (author and daughter, author and the 'Bride's Maid'), have sex
(the 'Bride's Maid' and an usher). Why are all these people behaving like this
on an occasion like this? Is the daughter particularly highly sexed that she'd
want to rub her buttocks against her father's crotch and grope him on her
wedding day? What's wrong with Mom that she has to dive into a closet to have
it off with a teenager? Why is the father dancing with his daughter after
having creamed his pants? This is a family of weirdos - and we aren't told
otherwise. Her bridesmaid is certainly a flake, but flake is good, flake I
like. Unfortunately, this one doesn't go anywhere. She bonks an usher and jerks
off the father and then disappears.

Which means no plot. Apart from the groping/watching, nothing happens, nothing
at all. There is no story. All right, it's short and, in writing, size does
matter. Incredibly enough, it still manages to be wordy - a good third of it
could be cut without loss. What it does need is substance, depth, rounding off,
fleshing out.

Most of all, it lacks focus. The author finds everyone sexy, his daughter, her
bridesmaid, his ex-wife, the lot. If he'd just zeroed in on one person, we
might have had something. Actually, there is a glimmer of promise here, a hint
that something magical could have been worked out.

Consider this: the father is charmed by his daughter and, despite the broken
marriage, still powerfully attracted to his wife. He feels a stab of jealousy
when he sees the latter with another man, a younger man. And, knowing he can
have neither, the bridesmaid becomes the focal point of his lust. He watches
her with another man and wishes it were him (we do get this last bit). For her
part, she pities him, but is not seriously attracted to him. She jerks him off
because she feels sorry for him. He still wants her. Instead of dancing with
his daughter with his crotch all damp, the father follows the bridesmaid,
wanting to have sex with her. Does he get it? Is he left out in the cold,
doomed to be forever the watcher? Is this yet another thing he cannot have? Add
a kick here, a twist, a snap and you might yet have a story.

In keeping with my new resolutions (thanks Janey et al!), and at the risk of
considerably annoying Celeste - no numerical ratings.

=====================
Reposted Reviews:
=====================

* "Creative Interlude" by Ann Douglas (AnnD55@Pipeline.Com).  

We start in the middle of a hot story.  Then we discover that the real story is
about Sondra, who is writing a story for a.s.s.  While she writes, her
fantasies bring her into the lives of the people she is writing about.  This is
an interesting story.  As a reader, you can fantasize that you are a writer
fantasizing about the people you are writing about for readers like yourself!

Ratings for "Creative Interlude"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Safe Sex" by Wollstonecraft (an285729@anon.penet.fi). 

The girl is hot for the boy.  They have engaged in mutual oral sex, but the
girl is still a virgin.  She doesn't want to get pregnant. He shows up with a
condom.  With no further reason to say no, she accepts his cock inside her; but
in the heat of passion they forget to use the condom.  Too late; she's
pregnant; they get married.  Five years later she tries it just one more time
with another man.  Ooops; she's pregnant; they get divorced.

The author describes this and the preceding two stories as a "variation on a
theme."  One way to state that theme is to say that it's a good idea to decide
on a set of rules ahead of time and then to live your life in such a way that
you won't deviate from these rules by accident.  In other words, if you're
going to make decisions that will radically change your way of life, you might
want to try to make those decisions on purpose - not by default.  My mother
taught me the same lesson when I was a teenager.  This version is more
interesting than the way my mother tried to teach me that message - and more
likely to be convincing to a teenager.  Oddly enough, my mother's sermon would
be acceptable in churches, whereas holy people would like to ban these stories
from the Internet.  Go figure.

The stories are NOT simply sermons or parables.  The sex in them is graphic and
erotic; but anybody who thinks at all about these plots is likely to conclude
that the girl came out behind on each of the exchanges.  These stories make
that point better than most moral lectures.  I was going to suggest using
stories like these to enlighten teenagers; but the better idea would be to let
kids know that they exist and then to forbid them to read "this kind of trash."
 This would insure that the kids would read them and possibly gain some useful
insights.

Ratings for "Safe Sex"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5


<end>
