Celestial Reviews 217 - September 17, 1997

Note: Occasionally good writers stop writing stories for this newsgroup.  
If you rarely or never respond to authors, then THIS IS YOUR FAULT!

What in the world do you think keeps an author going?  You can call it 
ego or whatever you want to call it.  I call it the Blow Job Principle.  
Simply stated, if a person expects to get a second blow job, the 
recipient should make the giver glad to have performed the first.  
Applied to these stories, if you like a story, take the trouble to say 
so.

Some writers on this newsgroup are incoherent and don't intend to 
improve.  If they give up and go away, that's fine with me.  But there 
are good writers who have already abandoned this newsgroup and others 
who will do so, because there's nothing in it for them.

I'm not suggesting that you kiss up to the authors.  But if you enjoy a 
story that you obtained for free, why not take two minutes to give the 
author some feedback?  I don't think most authors want idle flattery; 
but they write stories with the hope that they are getting a reaction - 
for example, they may want to make people happy.  They'll never know 
they have succeeded unless somebody tells them so.

Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my 
reviews for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.

- Celeste

      "The Ass Bandit" by Unknown Author (anal rape) 6, 4, 4
      "Third Rock from the Sun" by Unknown Author (sitcom 
            parody) 8, 4, 4
      "You Big, Me Doll" by SueNH (sexy dream & doll sex) 
            10, 8, 8
      "The Bathtub" by Unknown Author (romance & 
            exhibitionism) 9, 9, 9
      "BathTime" by Unknown Author (romantic evening)
            6, 6, 6
      "The Surprise" by Unknown Author (bdsm fantasy)
           10, 6, 5
      "Band Practice" by Unknown Author (brief affair) 10, 8, 7
      "M1ke Hunt is the Greatest writer in the world" by Sugar N 
            Spice (lingerie sale) 10, 7, 7

Guest Reviews:

      "The Chair" by Paola Kathuria (quickie in a chair) 9, 10, 10
      "Adsorbing Passion" by S.B. Douglass (enigmatic stupidity) 
            9.5, 10, 3

Reposted Reviews:

    * "Kathy" by the BEAR (sensitive concern & pedophilia)
            10, 10, 10
    * "American Airlines Cockpit" by Mary Anne Mohanraj
            (mile high sex) 10, 10, 10
    * "Airscrew: Or How I Joined the Six Mile High Club" by Pete Fox
            (sex on airplane) 10, 10, 10
    * "Aurora Drake" by Mark Aster (hot sex in a mansion)
            10, 9, 9
    * "Aunt Kate" by Mark Aster (intergenerational sex)
            10, 9, 10
    * "Appleseed" by Wollstonecraft (forced seduction) 10, 10, 10
    * "A Day on the Bay" by Joe Parsons (sex on a boat & mild
            bondage) 10, 10, 10
    * "Craftsmanship" by SueNH (blowing the glass blower) 
            10, 10, 10
    * "Louvre Love" by Sue  (Sex & Fantasy in the Louvre) 9, 7, 8
    * "AdventureLand" by Sue.(Amusement park sex) 9, 8, 10

"The Ass Bandit" by Unknown Author (Reposted by who@why.not).  The 
guy enjoys fucking women in the ass and then killing them if they 
happen to recognize him or have clues regarding his identity.  
That's about all there is to this story.  It's obviously not 
complete, but I'm not going to be the one that looks for any more 
of it.

Ratings for "The Ass Bandit"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 4
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4

"Third Rock from the Sun" by Unknown Author (Kristen's 
collection).  I found this listed as "3rd-rock2.txt."  Since I 
like the show, I figured maybe I'd like the story.  Maybe....

First we have Tommy heavy petting with August, but her father 
comes home before actual penetration; and so Tommy is in the 
dumps. However, since Sally can't find Harry or Dick, she's 
willing to offer relief to Tommy; and so she does.  This sitcom 
has huge potential for a sexual parody, but this story falls 
short; it's just a fairly juvenile story that uses the characters 
from the TV sitcom.

Ratings for "Third Rock from the Sun"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 4
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4

"You Big, Me Doll" by SueNH (Repost by Bookman Archives 
<readebks@wolfenet.COM>).  SueNH used to be one of the most 
prolific and most popular authors on this newsgroup.  I have not 
seen any new writings by Sue in nearly a year.  I hope she 
returns:  I find her stories often to be a model of excellent 
story development.  I am also reposting reviews of three more of 
her stories that have recently been reposted by Bookman Archives.

The present story is one of Sue's earliest attempts. It describes 
Sue having a dream in which her lover is normal size and she has 
shrunk to the size of a tiny doll - a la "Honey, I Lost the Kids" 
or (at a higher level of sophistication) "Gulliver's Travels."  It 
may sound difficult for an itty bitty woman to have sex with a 
huge mother of a guy {note the unusual but legitimate use of the 
word "mother"}, but Sue does all right, even without full vaginal 
penetration.

This isn't Sue's best story, but it's still interesting.  If you 
want a much sexier story by this author, try "Craftsmanship," 
which is reviewed below.

Ratings for "You Big, Me Doll"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

"The Bathtub" by Unknown Author (Repost by Bookman Archives 
<readebks@wolfenet.COM>).  This is one of those tales of the 
everyday housewife, who slaves her ass off all day in return for 
the love of husband.  The husband shows his appreciation by 
whisking his princess off to a romantic getaway while sis takes 
care of the kids.  Sounds hokey; but hey, it works for some 
people!  

This story starts out the way our mothers would have liked it in 
their romantic dreams - except, of course, that mothers don't have 
romantic dreams or sex.  Then it gets into some pretty heavy 
exhibitionism - another one of those things that would be 
repulsive to moms all over the world.  This is really pretty hot 
stuff.  I'd like to know who wrote it.  It seems distinctly 
possible to me that this story was originally posted under a 
different title, because the present title is not really 
appropriate.

Ratings for "The Bathtub"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"BathTime" by Unknown Author (Repost by Bookman Archives 
<readebks@wolfenet.COM>).  The couple are spending a quiet evening 
together, and she goes out of the way to make it nice for him - 
scented candles, warm bath, luxurious caresses - and he 
reciprocates.  The grammar is largely incoherent, but there is a 
kernel of a romantic evening in this story.

Ratings for "The Bathtub"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6

"The Surprise" by Unknown Author (Bookman Archives 
<readebks@wolfenet.COM>).  Maybe it's because plots like this all 
seem to be the same to me, but I'm almost certain that I have seen 
this story before under another title - possibly as part of a 
longer story.  Certainly, the rationale for why a woman would 
enjoy this kind of sex is missing; but that's often the case in 
bdsm stories.  If anyone recognizes the real title or author of 
this story, I would like to hear from you.

The story is about a yuppie who makes a big sale and decides to 
celebrate by making his wife happy by inflicting pain on her for 
his self-gratification.  I have heard this sort of story over and 
over again, and I am starting to come to the conclusion that it is 
mostly an adolescent male fantasy that extends into adulthood for 
guys who have really inflated egos.  I HAVE read bdsm stories that 
I thought were sexy, but this one doesn't quite make it.  It's 
just a lengthy recitation of the usual litany of bdsm lines.  The 
guy makes her beg for sex, punishes her for having her lipstick on 
wrong, and behaves like a general asshole; but the woman really 
loves it.  Maybe if you have a predisposition to like bdsm stories 
you'll enjoy this one a lot more than I did. 

Ratings for "The Surprise"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5

"Band Practice" by Unknown Author (Reposted by Bookman Archives 
<readebks@wolfenet.COM>). The guy has joined a community band, 
hoping to pick up chicks.  He's been unlucky, because the only 
girl to whom he is attracted doesn't even know that he exists.  
But then one night his luck changes: she says she's been lusting 
for him forever and will he please fuck her.  They exchange fucks 
and eventually break up.

The story is clearly written, but it's not really exciting.  Maybe 
there's a song or something in this story.

Ratings for "Band Practice"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7

"M1ke Hunt is the Greatest writer in the world" by Sugar N Spice 
(mzdemeanor@hotmail.com).  Is it conceivable that an author would 
make up a title for a story that has nothing whatsoever to do with 
the story?  Would the author do this in a vain attempt to suck 
innocent readers and reviewers into reading that story?  And if 
so, would a reputable reviewer actually review the story after she 
realize she had been duped?

This is not a story about a woman who goes into a Victoria's 
Secret shop and finds Mike Hunt masturbating in the dressing room.  
Even if that were what this story is about, she would not watch 
Mike threw the crack in the stall and then engage in clever 
repartee with him when she was discovered, nor would the salesgirl 
join them for a threesome but then leave when Mark Aster and 
Aurora Drake arrived for their appointment with the chocolate 
syrup and whipped cream.

In fact, I'm not going to tell you what this story is about.

Ratings for "M1ke Hunt is the Greatest writer in the world"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7

"The Chair" by Paola Kathuria (paola@arcglade.demon.co.uk)  Guest 
review by Anne747.

My challenge is to write a review shorter than the story today.  
I'm only being somewhat serious actually.  This piece is in 
reality a short hot story about a couple having sex in a chair.  
It works pretty well, giving a very good hot scene.  There are a 
few times that the wording is a little awkward, but that problem 
is fairly minor.

The only thing I would like is a little more description of the 
couple.  About all we learn is that she has full breasts, and that 
she has pubic hair.  The piece could have been so much better with 
just a little more description of touches.  Is his skin slick with 
sweat?  It is smooth, or can she feel his muscles as she rides 
him?  Is her hair short, or do her long strands curl over her 
skin?  Just a little more description could add so much more to 
this piece.

Ratings for "The Chair"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10 
Anne747 (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Adsorbing Passion" by S.B. Douglass. {Note: I thought the title 
was a typo, but after checking out the story, I decided to leave 
it this way - Celeste.} Guest review by Mike Hunt. {Now I'll owe 
Mike a favor!}

Weird. There's just no other word. Weird. I don't know where these 
stories come from. I don't want to know. Remember Eli's now infamous 
"Baby on a Train Crying"? Want another? Try Adsorbing Passion by S.B. 
Douglass. 

Chock full of typical alt. stars like 'breasts' and 'cocks' and 
'orgasms'.
Also with performances by newcomer 'swallowing vomit'.
Special guest appearance featuring 'cannibalism by adsorbtion'.
Unfortunately the scene with 'snot' was excised in the final cut.

Oh, and it has a happy ending. Actually, this is pretty typical 
Hollywood stuff, assuming Holly has consumed a barrel of blow and 14 
tabs of Orange Puffy. Perhaps next time the author will try something a 
little more original. For instance, 'bloody pus' appears nowhere in this 
sexual but otherwise disgusting tale. That's a serious omission when 
trying to crack the revolt-o-meter.

Ratings for "Adsorbing Passion"
Urth: (technical quality): 9.5
Youranus: (plot & character): 10 
Mikeus: (appeal to reviewer): 3

* "Kathy" by the BEAR.  This is a sensitive, well-written story 
about love and sex between an older man and his young female 
friend who becomes his lover. It contains tenderness, love, 
commitment and care.  In an epilogue, the author gives the 
impression that this is based on a true story and expresses the 
wish that the two live "relatively happily ever after."  I share 
that wish.  

Since the author obviously wants to apply this to real life, I 
feel an urge to express my feelings about the issues he raises.  
In real life I have been close friends with a young person that 
experienced almost exactly the same relationship as the one 
described in the story - only it was a young boy with his kindly 
and loving teacher.  They were eventually discovered; and the 
teacher lost his job and the boy is still sexually confused nearly 
ten years later.  Although some of our society's sexual taboos are 
silly and it's exciting to break them, there's a reason behind 
some of our taboos.  When actions like those of the man in this 
story become public and are based on less than perfect 
motivations, we are usually shocked an disgusted by the 
"exploitations" of a "dirty old man."  In my own experiences I 
have found that I don't always make objectively wise decisions 
when I'm naked, aroused, and rubbing my body against someone; and 
so having a rule against certain behaviors is a good idea.  In 
addition, I think I would be legitimately upset if a kindly old 
man thought that my husband and I were suppressing our daughters' 
sexuality and decided to "set her free."  The basic problem is 
that people with power over young people need to respect their 
need for autonomy and growth; and this rules out pedophilia and 
incest with young children.

On the other hand, I may be wrong.  Some young people may actually 
find things like this to be a growth experience.  I really do 
think that anti-pedophiles (like myself) should consider the 
possibility that some people who have sex with young children 
actually possess some decency and dignity - instead of just 
demanding that their cocks be cut off. An objective reading of a 
story like this can help us think things out.  What I do know is 
that I feel lot more comfortable with a great story about erotic 
sex among consenting adults (like Backrub's "Showoffs" cited at 
the beginning of this review or Sue's "Slippery When Wet," which I 
reviewed in Celestial Reviews 2) than with this one.  Still, it 
was an outstanding story.  I think it should be assigned reading 
for the people over on alt.sex.wizards or one of the religious 
groups, where they could use it as the basis for an intelligent 
discussion instead of screaming insults at one another about child 
molesters. 

Ratings for "Kathy"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "American Airlines Cockpit" by Mary Anne Mohanraj 
(moh2@midway.uchicago.edu).  This story was reposted by 
who@why.not without the name of an author.  The author is Mary 
Anne Mohanraj, who has posted many, many excellent stories with 
this newsgroup.

Two college girls (one straight, one bi) are on their way to 
England for the Christmas holiday.  They're bored, and one of them 
is afraid of flying.  What can the other girl suggest that might 
relieve boredom and get her friend's mind off her acrophobia?  The 
solution lies in a trip to the cockpit, where they learn the true 
value of automatic pilot.

The FAA - the organization that tells pilots when and how to do it 
- would like me to make it clear that pilots do things like this 
only under the relatively rare circumstances when sexy college 
girls enter the cockpit in mid-flight, do a striptease, and ask to 
test the pilots' instruments.  The author does an excellent job of 
creating ambiance with informal banter that makes this a really 
delightful story.  This author has a whole collection of her 
stories on the Web at http://mud.bsd.uchicago.edu.

Ratings for "American Airlines Cockpit"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Airscrew: Or How I Joined the Six Mile High Club" by Pete Fox 
(Reposted by who@why.not).  Let me assure you from personal experience 
that it is indeed possible and extremely sexy - albeit a bit risky - to 
accomplish on a largely empty airliner almost exactly what the narrator 
of this story claims to have accomplished.  My recommendation, however, 
is that you try it with someone you know and trust, since not all female 
25-year-old Swedish sales representatives are likely to be as frisky 
with strangers or as adept at their role in clandestine activities as 
the young lady in this story.  I concur with the author of this story 
that things go much better under blankets than within the absurd 
confines of the 747's toilet facilities.

Ratings for "Airscrew"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Aurora Drake" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com).  The author 
sent me this and the previous story with the comment that he 
wanted to "get them out of the way" before he got along to the 
next six, which he really liked.  That comment made me initially 
apprehensive, but then I was drawn to this story by its title.  
You see, I once used the name Aurora for an anonymous activity 
that is not directly related to a full sexual climax on my own 
part - and which, therefore, I shall not describe to you at this 
time.  I chose the name primarily because the week before my 
escapade I had come across the name Aurora O'Rourke in the 
engagement section of a newspaper.  Why would parents give their 
beautiful daughter a name like that?  For me the name evoked the 
sound of a really loud fart in the bath tub.  I apologize to Ms. 
O'Rourke for making this information public; but if she reads this 
comment, I hope it encourages her to stay married to and to retain 
the last name of whomever it was that she married.

Anyway, I was drawn to this story and was not disappointed.  It's 
a hot description of a casual encounter between the beautiful and 
eponymous Aurora Drake and our genteel stud who plays her furry 
fiddle and tempts her tummy with the taste of nuts and honey.  
Aurora is completely in control; but then Our Hero is most in 
control when he is under the control of a beautiful woman.  This 
story is well written, and the banter between the protagonists 
combines with the atmosphere created by the author to give us a 
really good story.

Ratings for "Aurora Drake"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

* "Aunt Kate" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com).  In this episode 
of "My Friends the Allens" our Three Amigos have gone to Boston to 
visit Pat & Julie's Aunt Kate.  While the two younger ladies go 
into town for some shopping, our nameless hero stays behind, with 
instructions to be nice to the elder Aunt, who must be nearly my 
own age.  When he applies suntan lotion to Aunt Kate's body, he 
discovers that there's a tiger in that bathing suit: she wants him 
to do the front as well as the back - "as well as" or "even better 
than", if you get my drift.  To make a long summary short - "the 
rest of the visit was very pleasant indeed, and a good time was 
had by all."

Ratings for "Aunt Kate" 
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Appleseed" by Wollstonecraft (Reposted by who@why.not).  Joey 
is a rich guy who is a generally nasty bastard and whose attitude 
toward girls is not only to "lay 'em and leave 'em" but also to 
get 'em pregnant in the process.  This story describes how he 
routinely exploits teenage girls for this purpose.  The author's 
style is vivid, and he uses verb tenses in such a way as to 
convince us that while he is vividly describing a specific 
situation he is really describing Joey's typical behavior.

Actually, he's not really Joey; the guy makes up new names and new 
cover stories to suit his particular seductive needs.  He finds it 
especially easy and enjoyable to pick up religious girls at church 
activities; they're invariably extremely gullible.  The only 
constant is that he is an asshole who wants to get young girls 
pregnant.  He's even scientific about his process - in one case 
seducing a pair of identical twins and conducting a seductive 
experiment with them in a way that a Nazi genetic engineer might 
admire.

Nonconsensual seduction and rape are not funny in the real world.  
But this story is very well told and extremely enjoyable.  I can't 
tell you more details, because a major part of the enjoyment is 
watching the story unfold.  I strongly recommend this story.  

Ratings for "Appleseed" 
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "The Skipper and Ginger".  {Note: This is actually "A Day on the 
Bay" by Joe Parsons.  Someone else has posted it under a different 
title with Joe's name removed.  The story has nothing to do with 
the Gilligan's island TV sitcom.}

The woman gets knocked overboard and is then rescued by the 
skipper of the craft.  They are the only two on board.  Since she 
might experience hypothermia, he undresses her and puts her into a 
dry sleeping bag.  To share his warmth with her, he gets naked 
himself and climbs in with her.  Eventually she expresses her 
gratitude to the skipper for saving her life, and then the ship's 
captain expresses his gratitude to her for expressing her 
gratitude.  This is a very good story - especially for nautical 
people and for Baywatch fans - who will, of course, insert 
themselves and their favorite characters into the story line.

Ratings for "A Day on the Bay"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Craftsmanship" by Sue.  I always save Sue's stories for a time 
when I'll have time to relish and enjoy her imagery.  The writers 
of many of the previous stories could benefit from reading and 
imitating Sue's style.  (They could also use the occasion for some 
private foreplay.)  In this story Sue makes passionate love to the 
glass blower, after she (literally) blows a phallus that he later 
uses to ravage her cunt.  Actually, Sue says it better than I did.  
If you analyze them really carefully, Sue's fantasies probably 
would make no more sense in real life than those in the previous 
stories.  After all, what sensible girl would want to watch a 
muscular young man engaged in his trade, then seduce him by having 
him help her blow and shape a glass phallus, then have him insert 
that still warm phallus into her well-primed most private parts, 
then be driven completely out of her mind by a blazing hot orgasm 
when he inserts the real thing, then suck his gorgeous cock that 
seems to fit so well into the environs of this shop surrounded by 
erotic art that her lover has himself produced until he explodes 
into a gigantic orgasm that she cannot contain?  Or what red-
blooded guy would take delight in being used in this way by a lewd 
and lascivious woman, interested in driving her partner into a 
state of raging ecstasy only because she thinks that he will 
respond in a way that will contribute to her own self-
gratification?  For that matter, who would even want to read about 
such things?  Probably only people like those befuddled readers 
who are tempted right now to cast this review into temporary 
electronic oblivion and go find this hot, sexy story.  But 
somehow, Sue manages to use words and give rationales that make it 
all seem worth fantasizing about.  

Ratings for "Craftsmanship"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

* "Louvre Love" by Sue.  As I started reading this story, I was 
impressed.  I thought Sue was going to pull off a really erotic 
story just on the basis of the art in the Louvre.  The girl could 
look at the guy who's getting a hard-on while looking at a 
painting and start blending her thoughts with his.  I said to 
myself, "I hope she doesn't just have the girl take the guy to the 
ladies' room and give him a blowjob."  Well, they didn't go to the 
ladies' room; they went to an exotic storage room instead.  
There's a good porn film by Femme (I don't remember the title; and 
no, I don't watch a lot of porn) that contains a sequence of a 
woman and man in a museum, with the woman fantasizing what she'd 
like to do with the man.  I was hoping that Sue would do something 
similar in this story - bring the protagonists to private orgasms 
right there in the museum on the basis of the erotic thoughts they 
derive from the artwork.  Actually, I'm probably the only one who 
would like my version of the story.  It must have something to do 
with those lonely times in high school when the hottest pictures 
this horny little girl could get my hands on were the art 
paintings with those sensuous gods and goddesses.

Ratings for "Louvre Love"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

* "AdventureLand" by Sue.  I love theme parks.  Disney World in 
Orlando is an especially romantic place.  In this story, a woman 
manages to get into the Pirates of the Caribbean attraction after 
everyone else has left it.  She masturbates and engages in sexual 
fantasies with the characters.  The punch line is that one of the 
characters turns out to be the college kid who runs the 
attraction, and he fucks her and slips away before she realizes 
that he wasn't part of her imagination.  I liked the story a lot.  
I'm sure there are religious people somewhere who would be 
repulsed at the thought of a Disney employee taking advantage of 
an innocent customer; but what the hell - this story takes place 
in an atmosphere in which the "legitimate" fantasy consists of 
fun-loving pirates looting villages and gleefully carrying off the 
female prisoners.  When I've taken my kids on that ride, I've 
often mentally noted that in real life the pirates would have had 
their sexual jollies with the women they were chasing. Being 
captured and raped by a pirate probably wasn't as much fun as 
Disney suggests.  In real life Disney employees who have sex with 
customers who are masturbating with the characters should be 
fired; just as  pirates who rape and pillage should normally be 
hanged after a fair trial.  It was fun to read a story in which a 
modern pirate took advantage of a damsel.  On the downside, you 
really do have to stretch your imagination to buy into the story.  
But overall, it was just good clean fun.

Ratings for "AdventureLand"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10


