The Bedtime Tales of Be287m

Honorable In Fidelity

�The lake�s deep enough here for you to drown yourself,� David said as he cut the boat�s motor. �Jump in.�

�What?� I said. �You�re crazy.�

�No,� he said, shaking his head. �The insurance company would never believe it was suicide this way.� He rooted around in a bag at his feet. �Of course, if you�d like, I can help.�

He pulled out a gun and pointed it at me. The blood drained from my body.

�C�mon, Tom,� he said. �We all have to die eventually. And I�ve always wanted to know what it was like to kill a man. If you won�t jump, I can shoot you and throw you overboard.�

�You wouldn�t.�

He let out a long, low, unsavory chuckle. �Oh, you have no idea.�

That chilled my remaining blood even further. David had run in a rough crowd as a kid and most of them were now in jail.

�Why are you doing this?� I asked.

He shrugged, which had the effect of waving the barrel of the gun around. �It�s what you want.�

�What?�

�Grace thinks you�re suicidal. She won�t tell me the details, but I think she�s right. Is she?�

I grimaced. No wonder my wife had been so happy to see me go off on this impromptu fishing trip. Particularly the weekend she was ovulating�.

�I know you�re too stubborn to get help,� David said, �which means that sooner or later you�re going to succeed in killing yourself. So,� he shrugged again, �it might as well be out here where the won�t be a lot of mess and Grace won�t have to be the one to find your body.�

I swallowed hard. I couldn�t tear my eyes from the gun, which he was so casually waving around. Somewhere, a firearms safety instructor�s heart was breaking.

�I� I don�t want to die.�

He grinned. �You sure?�

I nodded.

�Good.� He set the gun down. �Now tell me about it.�

I sighed. �My life sucks.�

�Bullshit.�

I shook my head. �It does. Last month my boss made it clear I was never going to get promoted. I �didn�t have what it takes� for management. I�m going to be stuck in a dead end job for the rest of my life.�

�So get another one.�

I shook my head again. �That won�t do it. If I don�t have what it takes, I�ll just be in a dead end job somewhere else.�

�I don�t believe that.�

�Well, I do. I�m not man enough to rise to the top.�

David snorted but didn�t say anything.

�And then there�s Grace. We�ve been having trouble since this whole pregnancy thing began.�

�From what I can tell, that�s your fault as much as it is hers.�

�She told you! I can�t believe she told you!�

�Calm down, buddy. She told me you were suicidal and you were refusing to get help. She didn�t tell me why.�

I let out a ragged sigh.

�So what�s the problem?� he asked.

�Nothing I want to talk about.�

�Should I pick up the gun again?�

I met David�s eyes. They were cold and serious. I swallowed.

�I�m not man enough to get her pregnant. We�ve been trying hard to have kids and, well, it�s my fault. Low sperm count.�

�So adopt or do a test tube baby.�

�You don�t get it! A real man would be able to knock up his wife!�

�A real man would solve the problem without considering suicide.�

I met David�s eyes again, and this time I flinched. My face flushed and I swallowed hard a couple of times so I wouldn�t start with tears.

�I know your dad instilled all these ideas in you about what being a �real man� meant,� David said, �but I�ve also met your dad, and he was a real piece of work.�

�Hey!�

He grinned at me, almost shark-like.

�I know you�re stubborn, Tom. You get it from your old man, and your brother�s got it too. So does your wife, for that matter. But I can be more stubborn than all of you. And I�ve got the gun.� He picked it up again, holding it between both hands, almost caressing it.

�So what do you want?�

�I want you to get help,� he said. �Oh, I know you�ve got too much pride to admit you need it, even to Grace. So when we get back, you and I are going to take up bowling.�

�Bowling? You�re kidding.�

�Let me finish,� he said. �Bowling�s just the excuse. I�ll come by on Wednesday nights and pick you up. I�ll take you to this therapist I know, Dr. Melfi, and wait in the lobby while you talk to her. Then we go home. Nobody but me needs to know.�

�And if I say no?�

He raised his eyebrows and made a show of polishing the barrel of the gun.

�I really don�t want Grace to be the one to find your body,� he said, �after some lame suicide. If you won�t go� we�ll come fishing again.�

I swallowed. In the back of my head, I knew the logic made no sense. Threatening a suicidal man with death shouldn�t work, but somehow it was. Maybe it was the way David was so calm and serious as he did it.

I slowly nodded. �We�ll take up bowling.�

�Good.� He lowered the gun again, but this time put it back in the bag. �And when we get back, you can make mad passionate love to your wife. Maybe you�ll get lucky on the kid thing.�

I swallowed and nodded. Maybe we would. I still had some sperm, and there was always a chance.

�Meanwhile, get your rod. There are always big fish in this part of the lake and we should catch a couple for supper.� He reached for his own rod as he spoke.

�Really?� I said, �then why haven�t we come here before?�

He smiled, his shark grin appearing once again. �Let�s just say I haven�t been here since high school and leave it at that.�

I snorted and nodded. David was a true, honorable friend. I wasn�t about to spoil that by asking about his past.

-fin-

� 2006. All rights reserved. Characters based on those from Wine Maker�s story �Honorable Infidelity� and used with permission.