"A Midsummer Night's Dream" by Ed Stauff
"A Midsummer Night's Dream - Some Additional Scenes" by Ed Stauff. This
is really good stuff! (Pardon the weak pun on the author's name.) What
we have here are sexy lines that fit in almost perfectly with the spirit
and tempo of Shakespeare's play. Here are a few sample lines:
HER. Ye Gods, the size! However will it fit?
HEL. It has betimes. See, in it slides with ease.
O dearest dear Demetrius, you please
Me far beyond description.
DEM. Thou likewise.
and later:
HEL. In this our amorous play you may join
And yet not spend your precious virgin coin;
A hundred variations has the sport
Of love, we'll demonstrate a diff'rent sort.
I'll take in hand Demetrius' proud tool,
Still wet from bathing in my secret pool,
And guide it to another pair of lips
And from his fountain take lascivious sips.
Besides reading this for the pure, naughty enjoyment, there are many other
uses to which one can put this material. For example, when I was in
college I had a boorish snob of a classmate who really didn't know Jack
Shit about Shakespeare. It would have been easy (and fun) to insert these
lines into her text when it came time for her to read aloud. The lines
are so cleverly written that they look as genuinely Shakespearean as
anything Francis Bacon ever wrote!
I'm not going to spend more time writing about this poetry. It's
excellent; and if you enjoy Shakespeare, you'll enjoy this parody.