"The Shop" by Seurat (dantedibby@aol.com) - Guest review by Sven the Elder. {This story is listed as Twighlight Zone Stories #2.}
They say that first impressions mean most, a principle I have found to be true in most things of my life. Reading a new story is no different. The old gag of the "It was a dark and stormy night" cliche to start a story is legend. But it does something: it paints a picture, a scene in mind; it conveys the writers mood. Seurat excels. His opening couple of paragraphs should be studied by some students of the art of storytelling. Before books and the written word was the spoken story, where the a wandering storyteller would amble from hamlet to hamlet, or village to village. These visits were long-awaited affairs and the storytellers were made welcome because of the 'magic' they could convey with words. Word painting is not easy: not just anyone can do it, and few can do it well - this opening rates amongst the best.
Carol wishes to surprise her husband with something a little different on their 10th anniversary. Where better than to look than the local purveyor of things erotic? Carol wishes to surprise, but doesn't know with what or how. The shop assistant can help her choose and she does, and you, dear reader must follow the rest of the story yourself to learn how. I am not into bondage in my real life, and have to say that I thought I might not like this story. Thank you Celeste for asking for my help: I might have missed an excellent story with a twist in the end.
I have one minor complaint: I mentioned first impressions for a reason. There appear to be only seven paragraphs in six pages. However, and I refuse to 'dock' marks for poor layout, this may be as a direct result of the encapsulation of the story to me by e-mail from Celeste. It could also be the way it was transferred by me from e-mail to WP on my Mac; but the format was annoying.
I do intend to keep this story, and so it will undergo a little layout editing to enhance the pleasure I will get from rereading it. I will alter its appearance in short. Eating a meal in a good restaurant is about presentation: we like the meal to appear appetizing - piling it on the plate does not achieve that effect. Likewise, placing the dialogue from the participating personnel in a narrative is helped by splitting it into manageable chunks; for me that is most easily achieved by using separate lines as each person speaks. The 'white space' on a page of hard copy enhances its appearance and, like good spelling and grammar, makes it easier and more enjoyable to digest.
Enough! - This is a great story, read and enjoy!