"LeAnn Rimes - A Bodyguard's Tale" by El Diablo. LeAnn Rimes is not my favorite singer - that'd be Pam Tillis, of course; but I have had some good times while the teenage C&W singer has supplied the background music in our bedroom. My husband was already in love with her voice before he discovered that she was only 14 years old.

I've hungered for your touch A long lonely time And I know that time goes by so slowly And time can do so much Are you still mine? I need your love I need your love God speed your love To me To.. Ooooooooooh.

It just doesn't sound like a teenager when she sings that song. My own favorite is "Sure Thing"; but the point here is that it's easy to imagine an adult bodyguard falling in love with a kid like this. The combination of naive innocence and sexy presentation of adult emotions is LeAnn's natural selling point, and that's also the stuff of pedophile stories.

First the bodyguard saves her life, then he takes her to Disney World, and then he finds her cuddled in his arms in the middle of the night, afraid of the Florida lightning. What's a guy to do with a young lady who hungers for his touch and needs his love? As the song says, what this guy's got coming is a sure thing.

I had better lay off the C&W allusions. I'm better at jokes:

***

"Your honor, " explained the young man, "I'd like to get married, please."

"All right, what is your age?"

"I'm 22, sir."

"And the age of the bride?"

"She's 15, sir."

"Fifteen??? That's too young -- marrying you would be against the law!"

"I see, " said the young man. "Could you try explaining that to the fella next to her with the shotgun?"

***

This story presents an excellent sex fantasy. Fantasy? Heck, it's probably closer to truth than some of those things you read in the supermarket tabloids!