Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 Title: Shining Girl Ch.  03
Summary: Aftermath, Recovery, and Re-discovery.
Keywords: inc,fic
   ALL MY SINS REMEMBERED...
   Jack is gone; it has been so many months now since my Jack was
gunned-down, but it still feels like it happened only yesterday, I remember
it like it was only yesterday.  I cannot stop the nightmares and the
remembering; I hear that loud noise, and Jack looks at me, his eyes fade
and darken, then all the blood, my Jack's blood, all over his lovely face,
my hands, his life pouring out of his head and soaking into the station
floor.
   I scream and scream, but no-one helps me, no-one wants to get involved;
instead they stand back to give him air, and stare, and take pictures on
their mobile phones and to send to their friends; the death of my life and
hope is just another bad thing that happened today, in a city where bad
things happen all the time, but it is the end of all for me.  I wake up
crying, knowing it is no dream, there is no warm hand on my hip, no soft
breath against my cheek, no-one to break and banish my loneliness, no Jack,
just remembering, and loss, and tears.
   Jack is gone, and I still see their blank faces; don't they know this is
my world pouring away in crimson rivulets on the concrete floor?  I ask and
beg and plead for help, and blank stares and shuffling feet are the only
answer until at last policemen come, and with them ambulance men in green
jumpsuits, they try to take Jack away, but I can't let him go, they are
supposed to make him wake, and smile, and breathe again, but he is not
breathing, he is not moving, his blood is all over me, the floor, his face,
in his eyes, but he doesn't blink, he does not flinch, how can he be alive,
when his lifeblood is all over me, and the floor, and still more is pouring
out of his head?
   The police are kind and gentle, not like the police back home, they try
to make me go with them but I will only go with him, I promise whoever will
listen that I will give him my heart if it will make him live, I can see he
is not breathing, I can feel no heart beat, that man took my Jack away from
me for no reason, and now he has no heart left to beat for me, his chest is
still and silent, and no breath escapes from his mouth; I hold my Jack
closely and my world has stopped; so much blood, all of his heart's blood
is here, how can he live when there is none left for him?
   Jack is gone, he is already in the dark, he has made no preparations for
the ancestors, has sent no word ahead for them to prepare the way, how will
they know he is looking for them?  If I could take my heart out of my chest
and put it in with his so he can live again I would do it, but now I see
him with tubes in his head, and in his nose, in his arms, a mask on his
face, his eyes closed, not moving, the only sound is the sound of the
machines, machines to breathe for him, machines to give him blood, machines
to feed him, machines to make his heart beat.
   But Jack is gone; he is not there, his soul has passed through the gates
into the darkness, it is all machines mimicking him, trying to convince me
he is still here, to give me false hope.
   Jack is gone and there is only a shell left, soulless flesh fading away
day by day until there is nothing left; he is lost, and I cry every night
when I sleep, I hear the shot again and I wake up, and I cry again for the
life together that will never happen, for the children who will never be,
for the loss of my love.
   Jack is gone, and when I wake in the morning and see that he is still
not here, I know and understand that he is gone, finally, beyond all hope
of recall.  I have prayed daily and made offering to Daigan Jizo-Bosatsu to
force open the gates and bring him back from Hell, to Amida-nyorai to give
him protection while he is in the land of the dead, and grant him
forgiveness for anything he may have done to deserve this (but he found
room in his heart for me, he brought me here to keep me safe, and gave me
his family, what could he have done to deserve this?) and to Emmah-Oh, to
grant me my revenge on the man who did this, to let him stand before me so
I can tear out his heart, and take his head, and gnaw on his entrails, to
take blood for blood, as is my right...
   Jack is gone, and the gods of my people have not answered me, they have
abandoned and shunned me for what I have done with my brother; but how can
that be wrong?  The world was made when Izanagi and Izanami, brother and
sister, took their pleasure of each other and made all that is in the
world, me, Jack, everything.  But they have allowed my Jack to fall into
the eternal darkness; how can this be right?  I scream out for revenge, but
they give me none, and no way to exact justice and punishment for what has
been done to my world, so I must follow him instead, to atone for my guilt
for making him love me, for condemning him to the darkness when he is
innocent.  Jack is gone, there is nothing of him here now, my tears have
not swayed the gods to help me find him and bring him back, they are not
listening, and they will not allow him to return, and when the people who
think they are helping him understand this, and switch off the machines,
and take away the tubes, I will follow him; I will choose an eternity of
death if I am joined with my beloved jack, not an empty lifetime without
him...
   ______________________________________________________________________
   I could hear voices.  Loud, bellowing, frightening voices, disturbing me
as they spoke, meaningless conversations in echoing, thundering vowel
sounds, no sense or order, just sounds to disturb and terrify me, rumbling
basso-profundo, piercing contralto voices, everything in between,
bellowing, barking, trilling and shrieking at me, the symphony of the
damned and forgotten, light-blurred faces softly bellowing into mine, hands
touching me and leaving pain traces a million years long, making me scream
at them to stop, they were hurting me, but they kept doing it.  I had no
defence against their violation of me as they scraped and wore away my skin
and raked sharp fingernails through my nerve endings to scrape along my
bones in an agony so complete I had no way to vocalise it.
   Someone is talking, the words seem real, but they mean nothing in my
muddled state;
   "He's waking up, Mrs.  Cameron; I think, on some level at least, he's
already aware of us.  His pupillary response is good in both eyes, and all
his EEG's show a steadily increasing EP in response to various stimuli; he
can hear us, and he's beginning to respond; in layman's terms, he's at a
stage something like a very deep sleep, with the added benefit that he
seems to have begun dreaming again; all his monitoring team have been
reporting a dramatic ramping-up of normal REM sleep, and extended bursts of
Delta-rhythm, and have also noted that he's transitioning from Stage 4 to
Stage 5 sleep for longer and longer periods.  He's no longer in complete
somatosensory lockout, instead he's experiencing longer and longer periods
of deep-dreaming REM sleep interspersed with more even Alpha rhythm;
sometimes, it's almost as though he's lying awake with his eyes closed,
then he transitions rapidly into Stage 4 then Stage 5 sleep again with the
associated rapid eye movements of dreaming sleep."
   "He's definitely more asleep than comatose, which is a very hopeful
sign. He's exhibiting ERP's, telling us that he's responding internally in
more varied and complex ways to complex external stimuli; it's another
indicator of increasing cognitive ability and a start of normalisation of
frontal lobe and cerebral cortex activity.  The short story is: he's almost
back, hopefully in a few days we'll be able to tell with more certainty
what's going on in his head.  It's been a while but I think there's a
distinct possibility that he may well regain full consciousness.  When he
does, however, there remains the possibility of him entering a fugue state,
given the type of physical trauma he's undergone, along with dissociative
amnesia, which is something we may have to watch out for.  If this is the
case, we have to go carefully, as there may be partial or complete systemic
amnesia for the entire period, and perhaps even temporary personality
changes.  To be on the safe side, I'm going to have him lightly restrained;
one of the characteristics of Fugue is the uncontrollable urge to go
wandering, usually with no destination in mind, so we will need to keep him
as locked-down as we can to prevent that happening, until he's at least
aware of what's happening with him, anyway."
   ******
   My eyes were open for a while before I thought to remark on it to
myself. I was awake, and I was in a white room.  Why?  Surely I should
be...where?  Where was I supposed to be?  My head was full of that feeling,
the one you get where you want to respond to a statement but the
opportunity is gone, and yet you know that what you were going to say would
change the world forever, but now the opportunity to say it was gone
forever.  Something significant had happened, but what?  I lifted my arm to
pull away something resting on my top lip, discovering it was an oxygen
cannula looped around my ears as well.  Oxygen!  Was I sick?  What
happened, I didn't remember getting sick...wait, a pain in my head,
darkness, dreams about...something, as I tried to hold onto it, it drained
away, leaving me empty again as I realised I didn't know who I was, I knew
there was an 'I', but who was I?  As I began to panic, I saw an IV cannula
taped to my arm.  Just what the hell had happened to me?
   I sensed movement behind me, and turning my head to look, jags of pain
briefly shooting up my neck and into my jawbone and making me whimper.  I
saw a figure silhouetted against the window, my pupils contracting
painfully at the sudden influx of light and tears squeezing out of my
abused eyes.  A soft hand gently wiped the moisture from my cheeks,
followed by a pair of soft lips brushing my cheek gently.
   "Husband come back to me!  I wait for him, always wait, I not think he
come back, now he here, with me, again.  I am so happy!" said a soft voice,
the merest hint of tears in it as she spoke.
   Husband?  I had a wife?  Who?
   I opened my eyes properly to look at this 'wife' of mine.  She really
was exquisite, Japanese, maybe, with long straight dark golden hair,
floating around her like spider-silk, big dark eyes, very fair skin and the
deepest ruby lips.  This beautiful creature was my wife?  She couldn't be
more than eighteen or nineteen, but wait; how old was I, why didn't I know,
why didn't I know her, what had happened to me?
   I was starting to panic, but I couldn't move, my legs were immobilised,
and there seemed to be some sort of restrain around my midriff, but I
couldn't find out how to release it; I was spooked now, I just wanted to
run out of that scary white room, from that 'wife' of mine, whoever she
was, just run until I found something I knew for certain, something that
would give me something to cling to while I tried to figure out who I was,
what was happening to me, and why.
   "No, Jakku-san, not to do that, you not well, please to lie down, stay
still, please!" begged that beautiful girl (my...wife?), her soft cool
hands on my face, and she did calm me; I felt an instant connection with
her, an almost-memory, I had been here before, with her hands on my face
like that, I was certain, but the memory was too elusive, and I gave it up
as a fantasy.  But she had the loveliest, softest hands, and she was
beautiful; perhaps she really was my wife?  I could do worse, a small part
of me prompted from deep down inside.
   As I looked more closely at her, I saw the tear tracks on her cheeks,
the quivering of her bottom lip; she was crying, and smiling, and she had
lovely soft little hands, three things I now knew for certain out of a
whole world that was a complete mystery to me.
   "Who...what...my name, what's my name?" I finally managed to croak out,
my voice sounding rusty and querulous.  The girl looked quizzically at me,
as if she hadn't heard me correctly.
   "My name, please what's my name?" I asked her again, and now I saw a
look of alarm on her face as she backed away from my side, retreating all
the way to the door, to tug it open and start screaming for a doctor.  A
man in a dark suit came almost immediately, pausing to have a quick word
with the girl, my...wife, then came up to my bedside, a smile on his face.
   "Hello Jack, how are you feeling?" he asked me as he took my wrist and
looked at his watch
   Jack, my name was Jack, so far so good.  My turn.
   "I feel alright, except...I don't know why I'm here, or where this is,
or my name, or ...anything.  Who am I, what am I doing here, why can't I
remember anything?" I was beginning to panic, and he reached down and
patted my arm, then pulled down my lower eyelid and flashed a tiny torch in
it, doing the same with the other eye.
   "In answer to your question earlier, your name is John Cameron, but
everyone you know calls you "Jack"; does that ring any bells?"
   I shook my head, feeling the panic start to rise up faster now, and he
put his hand on my chest, gently but firmly pushing me back down again.
   "That doesn't matter right now, Jack, just relax, you had a serious head
injury, and things are a little jumbled right now, but I hope your memories
will begin to return as your recovery progresses.  How do you feel, any
pain or headaches, or anything else you want to tell me about?"
   I shook my head as I asked him; "Who are you, where am I, what is this
place?"
   He began to examine my eyes, shining a tiny torch in each one as he
pulled down the lower lids.
   "My name is Michael Hunter, I'm Head of Neurology and Neurovascular
Medicine here at The National Hospital for Neurology and Neurosurgery, in
London.  You were brought here after a head trauma, and have been here ever
since.  You've actually been progressing remarkably well; you've been
slowly waking up for several weeks now, but this is the first time you've
actually been lucid."
   Several weeks?
   "How long have I been here?" I asked, almost afraid to ask, but I had to
know.
   He looked at me levelly.
   "You were brought in here on Friday 22nd June.  Today is the 10th of
December, a day your young lady's going to mark in her calendar!  She's
been here every day, waiting for you to wake up again, and now here you
are. Welcome back!"
   I wasn't listening.  Six months, I'd been here six months!  What the
hell had happened to me, and why couldn't I remember it, or her, or me, or
anything?
   Dr.  Hunter leaned over me.
   "Listen, Jack, I know this feels strange and upsetting, but we're going
to do our best to straighten this out and have you back on your feet, but I
can't make you any promises.  You had a serious injury to the temporal
lobe, and it seems to have disrupted your long-term memories; hopefully
that will begin to resolve itself; Retrograde Amnesia such as yours is
often temporary, and your injury doesn't seem to have damaged the basic
functioning of how you process memory storage; you can still remember how
to speak, understand English, move, feel curiosity, basic functions, but
encouraging."
   He tapped his teeth pensively with his pen as he wrote notes on a
clipboard hanging on the foot of the bead.
   "Your emotional responses seem to be at optimal, so none of the things
that make you "you" have been severely disrupted; what seems to be
inaccessible to you right now is your long-term memory.  This may well be a
temporary traumatic reaction and may dissipate as memory begins to reassert
itself.  Right now, though, your semantic, procedural and episodic memory
seem to have been impaired, which is why you have no recall at present, but
memory is a funny thing; not much is known about how it works, but current
thinking is that it's distributed throughout the entire brain, so there may
well be a slow return to an almost complete recall; we don't know for
certain, but the fact that so much else of your memory encoding seems to be
unimpaired is a good sign; you still remember how to talk and so on.  Click
your fingers for me, please, both hands."
   I did so, and he smiled.
   "Good, now close your eyes and point at your ears."
   Again I did so, and he patted my shoulder.
   "Okay, Jack, that's good, open your eyes now.  Your procedural and
sensory memory seems to be functional, as is your spatial awareness; you
remembered how to carry out a simple action without hesitation; It's a
crude test, but always a good sign, but what it means is, if for instance
you could ride a bike before, or play the guitar, or paint, you probably
still can.  We'll see if we can work out a way to get you back the rest of
what you've apparently lost, but, and this is a big but, there are no
guarantees; there may be lasting short-term memory retention or formation
issues, we just don't know; if you can remember this conversation tomorrow,
we'll know for sure.  One of my professors used to say that if the brain
was simple enough for us to understand it, we'd be so simple we wouldn't be
able to!"
   He smiled encouragingly.
   "There are no physical effects of your injury, other than you'll
probably feel a little wobbly for a few days until you get used to walking
again; your motor skills are fine, just rusty, and you have inevitably lost
a certain amount of muscle mass and tone through being immobile for so
long, but after we've run a few tests, I see no reason why you can't go
home in a few days.  However, I would like you back here as soon as you're
up to it so we can continue our investigations.  And now there's someone
here who's been waiting to see you again for quite a while now!"
   He leaned forward and whispered "her name's Teruko!"
   As he made to leave I plucked at his sleeve.
   "What happened to me?  What kind of trauma?  Was it an accident?"
   He looked grave, his lips pursed as he thought.
   "You were mugged; you tried to fight back, but the mugger had a gun,
he...shot you, and the bullet struck you low in the left Temporal Lobe,
before lodging in the cerebral cortex, traumatising the Reticular
Activating System, which regulates sleep, arousal and the sleep-waking
transition mechanism; a traumatic injury such as the one you suffered is
what triggered the coma; in effect, it flicked a switch and shut off the
lights.  Luckily for you it was probably a defective round; if it had hit
any harder we wouldn't be having this conversation.  I was the one who
removed it and closed, but the resultant trauma was what kept you comatose.
However, the brain is a remarkably resilient organ, and as we monitored you
we were able to track changes and improvements along the way as the RAS
gradually reasserted itself.  I know it sounds trite, but, given the
circumstances, you were remarkably lucky, or maybe there is a God, I'll
have to let you work that out for yourself!"
   Lucky?  Six months in a coma, and who the hell was I and what did I do
now?
   He patted my shoulder again.
   "Rest now, your young lady wants to see you.  Don't go away now!"
   He left the room, and the girl (Teruko?) shyly approached the bed, to
take my hand and press it to her cheek.
   "Husband come back to me, now I happy again!" she smiled, tears rolling
down her cheeks.  She really was stunning, and I could feel a powerful
attraction to her; obviously somewhere deep inside I had some kind of a
connection with this beautiful girl; God, if only I could remember her! 
She leaned over me to once again stroke my face, and I could tell there was
a great deal of pent-up emotion there, she was almost memorising my face
with her fingertips.  I reached up to take her hand and felt her small
slender fingers, but no ring.
   "Are you really my wife?" I asked her, and she smiled at me, a really
beautiful, dawn-is-breaking kind of smile.
   "Jakku-san ask me marry him, we not yet have chance to get ring, he say
he want special ring for me; I have this until then!"
   She showed me a pendant, a milky, pearlescent jade carving no bigger
than the end of my thumb, of two rats rolling an egg, the detail truly
incredible, and I felt a small but powerful shock of recognition; I knew
this piece, I'd seen it before!
   I held it in my hand, knowing it was more than just a déjà vu illusion,
willing myself to know more, but it was gone, but I felt unaccountably
closer to her now; she really had been with me, now I had to work out how.
   Teruko leaned closer to hug me, her arms cradling my head as she
trembled, and I realised she was crying.  I automatically curled my arm
around her, my forearm circling her buttocks as my hand clamped hold of her
hip, pulling her closer to me, again feeling that connection, utterly
without foundation as it was, but deep and powerfully felt all the same.  I
stroked her hair as she wept, her sobs silent but powerful, shaking her
whole frame as she surrendered to the emotions I'd sensed earlier.
   "Jakku-san, I wait, I wait so long for this, every day I kiss you and
call you back, now you came back, but you not come back yet!  I help you, I
make you well, mummy help, we bring you back home, Jakku san, my husband!
Mummy, grandad, all you friend want you back, we all help you!"
   I had a mother, a grandfather, I had family, there were people who could
help me put myself back together again, that was something at least.  The
panic that had been bubbling in the background subsided a little as I
realised this beautiful girl in my arms was even more frightened than I
was, that she'd been wearing herself out waiting and hoping for me to come
back, and I felt a little humbled at the devotion that implied.  That I
could feel like that also puzzled me; obviously I knew this girl in a
special way, the feeling bearing out in some small way what she was telling
me.  She looked up into my eyes, her huge, beautiful eyes clouded with
tears.
   "I know Jakku-san not remember me, it not matter, I love him, and he
love me once, he will love me again!"
   She said it with utter conviction, belief ringing in her voice.  I had
to admit, it would be easy to love a girl like her, shapely, beautiful,
devoted, and possessed of the deepest kind of love and belief.
   She dragged her hand across her glorious eyes, and smiled brightly at
me.
   "Every day I make offering and ask Daigan Bosatsu-Kami to rescue you and
show you way home, he is God of travellers and all who lost, and he bring
you back!  I make offering to ask for help, now I ask again, ask him help
you find way back to me!  I call mummy, she coming soon, be here few hours
time, you must rest now, I will stay with you, I want see your eyes, it
been too long since I see them look at me, and now you can see me again!"
   She sat on the bed, and without thinking I moved over as much as I could
to make room for her.  She swung her legs up and stretched out next to me,
her eyes fixed on mine as she put her arm across my chest.  It felt normal,
uncomplicated, to have her here with me like this, and on impulse I put my
arm around her.  Teruko smiled as she wriggled contentedly.
   "So long, my husband, it been so long, I miss you..." she whispered,
pulling herself even closer to me, and snuggling her head down against me
with a contented sigh.  It felt good, and right, and familiar; somewhere a
memory was chiming that we'd done this before, and it was good to do it
again.  After a while I realised she'd fallen asleep, poor thing, she must
have been worn out.  I felt protective and caring toward her, and a part of
me wondered; was I reacting like that because she was so beautiful, and so
obviously into me, or was my hidden inner self trying to tell me something
about her, and me, about us?
   I felt like I was in free fall, there was no-one or nothing to hold
onto, perhaps I could start with her, maybe she could help me rebuild the
part of me that was missing (which was most of me, I realised.  I had my
sense of self; I knew there was a "me" to rebuild, I knew my language, I
knew I wanted to get out of this hospital soon, and I briefly wondered how
I knew what a "hospital" was, when I didn't know jack-shit about anything
else...)
   I shifted slightly, and Teruko's eyes fluttered open.
   "Please to rest, Jakku-san, mummy be here soon, must rest so not fall
asleep when she here, she wait and cry for you so much, she want see and
talk to you very much!"
   Teruko pulled the covers up over me, then sat up next to me, her arm
through mine as she stroked my hair.  I looked at her and was surprised to
see tears trembling on her eyelashes, and without thinking, I reached up
and wiped them away with my thumb.
   "Why are you crying?  I asked her, and she smiled brightly, but more
tears gathered in her eyes, brimming and trembling on the brink of running
down her soft cheeks.
   "I so happy to hear Jakku-san talk, I thought I never hear husband voice
again, for so long he still and silent, now he talking to me, eyes still
beautiful, still have same smile, so I happy!"
   I smiled at her happiness at something so mundane, and again, and even
more powerfully, I felt that connection, that sense that we were part of
something, sure that this was more than just common or garden attraction
and horniness on my part; I knew this girl, I knew her well, I was sure of
it!  All I had to do was recapture her, maybe if I could, I could find
enough of me to recognise myself.
   Teruko slid back down the bed to lie against me, her arm warm and
comforting around me, the peach scent of her hair suddenly familiar,
evoking blurred images of her smiling, standing with wet hair in a shower
cubicle, and making me think of...a hotel.  Why would I associate the smell
of her hair with a hotel room?  Was it a real sense-memory, or just random
associations triggered by a random stimulus?  Whatever it was, there was no
escaping the fact that she was soft and warm against me, and another reflex
kicked in, obviously so.  My body may have been tired-out, but a certain
part of me didn't care.  Teruko felt it prodding her in her stomach, and
she looked up at me and smiled.
   "Husband better already!  Must rest now, sleep, Jakku-san, mummy come
soon, be ready for her, she very happy now, so sad for so long, now she
happy again!"
   As she spoke her warm little hand stroked my face, smoothed my hair, and
rubbed my back between my shoulder-blades, the feeling restful and
relaxing, easing me into sleep.
   I woke refreshed, Teruko's eyes fluttering open as mine did, and a
ghostly half-memory of seeing this before flitted across my mind for a
second before it was gone, but once again that sense of connection
persisted, more than just déjà vu.  I felt something on my wrist and
looked, to see my battered old military watch strapped on my wrist, and out
of habit I shook and twisted my wrist to seat it more comfortably, while
Teruko looked strangely at me.
   "Why you do that, my husband?" she asked, and I replied without
thinking.
   "I always do that when I put my watch on......" before I realised what
I'd said.  Teruko grinned at me, and lifted my wrist to kiss the watch and
the palm of my hand.
   "Husband always say this his lucky watch, now I know it true!"
   I looked at the watch, at my wrist and replayed what I'd said and done.
I'd done it because it was second nature to me; did that mean more would
follow?  What other habitual quirks and behaviours would resurface?  I was
excited, in a low-level way.  Maybe what Mr.  Hunter had said about
recovery was already happening; the amnesia really was only temporary,
maybe it was already beginning to play itself out.  I hoped like hell it
was; I really wanted to remember my life, this girl, what had happened to
me, everything that was missing before I'd woken up a few hours ago with an
indelible blank stretching back in time where my life used to be.
   My mother arrived about an hour later; it was a very strange meeting,
for me, at least; here was this person I'd known my entire life, and I was
struggling to make contact with her, because she was nowhere in my head or
current experience.  I could see how distraught she was, but there was
nothing I could do to ease her distress; she was a complete stranger, and
her distress only fed mine.  What tipped me over was when she was leaving,
she hugged me and stepped back to tip my head up to look into my eyes, her
own eyes brimming with tears.
   "Jack, my baby, my own little boy, what has he done to you?  I thought
we'd lost you forever, wherever you are, please come back, darling,
please!"
   The raw emotion in her voice was too much for me, and I began panicking
again as I finally understood what my being in this room meant, how much
harm had been done to everyone in my family, even if I didn't know them at
all.  Teruko hit the alarm button, and a few seconds later a nurse was
injecting something into the cannula on the back of my left hand, and very
shortly after the room began to go dim as the sedative took effect.
   I woke in the bright sunshine of early morning, the clanging of the
breakfast trolleys jarring me awake.  Teruko was stretched out next to me,
her arm thrown across my chest and her head lodged in the crook of my neck.
Once again, as my eyes opened, so did hers, and she smiled to see me awake.
   "Good morning, Jakku-San!" she smiled, and I grinned back, wondering if
they were going to give me any food.  Sometime during the night, the
feeding tube into my stomach had been removed, my navel sore and itchy
where it had obviously been in place for a long time, and I felt ready for
some solid food.
   I was just drinking-in the sight of this beautiful girl next to me when
the door opened and Mr.  Hunter came in.  After a few pleasantries and the
obligatory prods and pokes, he took my pulse, temperature and
blood-pressure, and shone a light in my eyes again, before making some
notations in the file clipped to the foot of the bed.  I asked him what
came next, and he paused, tapping his pen on his teeth.
   "Right, Jack, I'm sorry, no breakfast for you just yet, we have an MRI
scheduled for you for this morning, you can have something after, I've left
a note at the Care Station, and you have a CAT scan this afternoon before
lunch, and barring any major mishaps or discoveries, I think we may be able
to let you go in a few more days; so far, your MRI's have shown no
anomalous structures, lesions or anything except the expected scarring, and
other than the amnesia and a little weakness from your long immobility,
there's really nothing wrong with you, but I want to keep an eye on you for
a little while longer.  Once you leave, the desk will give you a list of
follow-up appointments, it's essential you attend here for them."
   As he spoke, the orderlies came to take me down for the scan, Mr. 
Hunter telling Teruko she might as well go home and freshen-up, as I was
going to be in Radiology and Imaging for most of the morning, and she
couldn't be in there with me.  Teruko told me she'd go home, grab a quick
shower and a change of clothes, and be back to wheel me down to the
cafeteria for a late lunch.
   And so it went; when I first woke up, they'd told me they didn't know
anything about what was going on with me; ten days later they told me they
didn't know anything about what was going on with me, at which point I
decided that as I apparently had a home to go to, I was going there. 
Teruko had been a complete star the whole time, helping me to regain
facility with walking and my balance, encouraging and supporting me,
soothing me when the periodic bouts of self-pity almost crippled me,
holding me tight when I raged at my inability to remember anything about
anything, wheeling me around the hospital gardens, and just being there to
be the only tether in my free-fall existence, a crutch for me to lean on,
and a soothing presence to ease my fears.
   I was no nearer resolving who I really was, no memories had returned
except ghost flashes and meaningless images of people, places, and things,
and increasing bouts of déjà vu, but I was collecting a whole new set, of
Teruko, her loveliness, her calm stoic belief I would completely recover,
her boundless patience, and, increasingly, thoughts and fantasies of what
she would look like naked.
   Apropos of which, one strange dream unsettled me, because I wasn't
certain it was a dream; it felt more like something that had actually
happened, in fact I was certain it was a real memory; if it was, it was a
corker, believe me!
   In the dream, I was in a room (hotel room?  Couldn't be sure...) with
Teruko, she was naked, and smelled of peaches.  She was caressing me as I
reached out for her and then my hand slipped over her back, my index
fingers circling her lumbar dimples before sliding down to cup and squeeze
and jiggle her shapely buttocks.  As we kissed I gently jiggled and bounced
her bum cheeks, concentrating on lifting and separating them, sliding my
fingers deeper into the cleft between them, until my fingers were tracing
over the taut, crinkled little hole concealed between those gorgeous, firm
cheeks.
   Teruko sighed and climbed onto my lap, straddling me, and slowly sliding
down onto me, the tightness making me groan along with the feel of the wet
heat enveloping me.  She slid up and down a few times, then raised herself
up, allowing my erection to slip out of her.  She immediately took hold of
me and began rubbing the slick head of my cock against her tight little
anus, slowly working me into that hot, tight, moist little hole.
   At last the head slid into her, her ring immediately clamping down on
me, and she began to slowly slide herself further and further down onto me,
until she was completely impaled, my cock buried to the hilt in her tight
anus.  I began thrusting into her, and she responded by pushing back
against me, grinding her pussy against the base of my cock and gyrating her
hips to work my cock in and out of her tight hot little hole.  I lay back
and reached out to hold and squeeze her beautiful, firm, protruding
breasts, making her gasp and smile as she rode me.
   Now she began to move faster, her face flushing, the squeezing of her
rectum even more pronounced as she ground and slid up and down on my length
until she came at last with a hissing scream, her head thrown back as her
anus clamped down on me, her pussy squirting a spray of hot liquid over my
lower belly as her pussy quivered against me.  Her rectum squeezed and
sucked at my cock in time to the fluttering of her convulsing cervix
against the thin membrane separating it from her rectum as her orgasm
rolled on and on.  I came with a loud groan, spunk blasting out of me and
into the tight depths of her hot bowels, the feel of my swollen cock
wedging tight in her arse and the fluttering of her cervix wringing jet
after jet of spunk out of me and into her.  I saw stars, my eyesight
dimming and my ears popping with the force of my climax as I poured myself
into her, and she fared no better, sobbing and gasping with the seismic
intensity of her thunderous orgasm.
   I awoke from the dream gasping, my heart hammering with the realism of
it, the vivid quality of it convincing me it was a memory, but when?  Did
this mean my memory was beginning to return?  And had I done things
like...that...with her?  Why did I feel a trace of guilt when I thought of
the dream, most of it already fading, but the memory of Teruko's face in
her sexual ecstasy remaining vivid and lasting.
   I'd completely accepted her assertions, borne out by my mother, that she
was my intended bride, and I was determined to find a way to remember why
I'd chosen her (or if, as seemed more likely, she'd chosen me...), although
I was already falling under her spell.  What Teruko had stated as a fact
when I first awoke was coming about; I was falling in love with her again
(or for the first time, take your pick), and it was the only thing stopping
me giving up and fading away.
   Coming home was an anti-climax; I'd hoped that being surrounded by the
familiar would somehow jog things into place, but nothing happened, no
sudden flash of returned memories, no emotional reunion, nothing.  When
Teruko asked me what I wanted for lunch, I had to be truthful and ask her.
   "I don't know; what's my favourite lunch?" and the sudden flash of loss
in her eyes as I said it reminded me how much she was missing as well, that
I had to ask her what my favourite foods were, where the toilet was, what
was my favourite shirt, a million things I suppose other people take for
granted.  I realised that I was missing a lifetime of memories and
associations that you don't even consciously think of as memories, just the
things that form that great big holographic image of your world in your
head.  I no longer had that image, or maybe I still did, but it was locked
away; either way it made no difference, I couldn't access it anymore.
   We sat and ate my favourite pizza, something I had no memory of ever
eating before, but it was delicious, especially after the hospital food,
which all tasted as though it had been boiled in a sock, and chatted about
the hospital, my treatment, how I felt, because we had nothing else to talk
about; I had no experiences, no day to talk about, no common experiences to
talk and laugh over, something I'd seen people doing during the car journey
across London.  Young couples with their arms linked, laughing and talking,
looking into each other's eyes, a world of shared experience, of a life
lived, between them, and all I could do was reflect on my loss of that.  I
had no single thing in common with Teruko yet, and the barren landscape of
my world frightened me.
   Teruko sensed that I was becoming morose and self-pitying again, and put
down her plate to snuggle up against me.
   "I not want you come home to empty house, so you friend Harry and
fiancée come to see you later.  Harry come to hospital nearly every day, he
at school with you, he play sport with you, he is your best friend!"
   I was interested to hear that one of my friends would be coming over to
see me, maybe he could help fill in some of the blanks for me.  As I was
thinking about this impending visit the doorbell rang.  Teruko jumped up
and took the plates into the kitchen, then answered the door, the sound of
a male voice and another girl's voice sounding in the hallway.  I started
to stand up as they came into the sitting room, but the man who came in, a
young man about my age, seriously good looking, with chestnut hair falling
over one eye, made a patting motion with his hand, instead walking over to
shake my hand.  The stunningly beautiful young girl with him was obviously
of mixed Chinese/European parentage; Harry and I obviously shared a taste
for the same kind of girls!
   "God, Jack, it's so good to see you up and about!" he grinned, and the
girl hugged me, which caught me off-guard a little, patting my back as she
hugged me.
   "We were so worried!  Poor Teruko's been wearing herself to a frazzle,
sleeping in that awful chair next to your bed every night for the last six
months in case you woke up and she wasn't there!  How do you feel, Jack? 
Honestly?"
   I looked at both of them as they waited for my answer.
   "Physically, I feel fine; a little wobbly now and then, but the hospital
assures me that's purely due to being immobile for so long, and should
pass. As for the other thing; I have to be honest, you both seem like
really nice people, and you obviously know me well, and I don't want to
offend you, but I can't remember either of you at all; hell, I can't
remember anything prior to ten days ago!"
   The girl, who'd introduced herself as Sai Fong, looked at me
sympathetically.
   "It's okay, Jack, we're not offended.  Harry and I were so worried for
you, and for Teruko, she's been almost out of her mind; the only way we
could get her to leave and get something to eat, or get some proper rest,
was for one of us to wait there at your bedside.  We saw you like that, so
now that you're back with us, we'll take you as you are; we're your
friends, always remember that, and you can't offend us!"
   I was almost overcome; tears seemed to come easily these days, had I
always been such a cry-baby?
   Harry sat down next to me and put his arm around me, hugging my shoulder
briskly.
   "What Sai says is true, Jackie-boy, we'll be there, and maybe we can
find a way to get this fixed together; all your friends are worried sick
about you; we're just the tip of the iceberg, don't forget that!  If I have
to take you every place you've ever been, I'll do that if there's a chance
it'll help you regain your memory.  I've spoken with Doctor Hunter, and he
believes that your amnesia is temporary, and perhaps it only needs one
trigger to unlock your memories, we'll look and try anything until we find
one, if that's what it takes; you're not alone, old boy!"
   Harry spent the rest of the afternoon talking to me about school and
rugby, escapades we'd had (which sounded fun, I really wished I'd been
there!) mutual friends, general conversation which did a lot to flesh out
my world-picture, showing me pictures of us together, I presume in school,
pictures of me in a rugby strip, one picture of me holding up a large
trophy with him.  Harry was good company, and he genuinely seemed to like
me, which disposed me well toward him as well.
   Sai Fong was a delight; warm, funny, witty, acerbic, a perfect foil for
Harry's serious-minded attitude; the fact that she was also a complete
knockout didn't escape my notice either!  I was sorry when they had to
leave, but Sai Fong said they'd be back in the morning; she had a free day
from university, and Harry had to be at somewhere called Woolwich Arsenal,
which sounded vaguely familiar, which was not far from the flat, so he'd
drop Sai Fong off to spend the morning with Teruko and me, and he'd be
along later.
   Bedtime was a little embarrassing.  Teruko had shown me my room, and
after showering and drying-off in the bathroom, I walked into my room in
just my shorts, with a bathrobe over, to find her in my bed.
   "I'm sorry, I...I thought this was my room...?" I faltered, but she just
smiled.
   "It our room, Jakku-san, this our bed.  Come to bed now, you must rest,
you still not strong.  I want to rest next to husband again, it has been
too long since husband sleep in own bed!"
   I gingerly slipped off my robe, conscious of the fact that I only had
shorts on under the robe; I'd not expected company, and I was a little
flustered, not to say a little embarrassed too.  Teruko looked at me, her
eyes sad as she slipped out of bed and held her hand out to me.  She was
wearing 'Hello Kitty' pyjamas that were slightly too big for her, and she
looked absolutely adorable, as well as sexy, a hidden, deeper part of me
noted, a definite stirring inside me at the thought.
   "Jakku-san, you are so thin, you must eat, be fit again, I help you, my
husband.  Now husband come to bed, you look so tired, please come, sleep
now!"
   Somewhat hesitantly, I slid under the covers, lying back and pulling
them up around me.  Teruko fussed with them a little, tucking me in
properly, and then surprising me with a small kiss on the side of my mouth.
   "Sleep well, my husband!" she murmured, her fingers tracing my jawline
for a second, her eyes clouded as she lay on her side, her eyes fixed on
mine.  On impulse, I took her hand and squeezed it gently to thank her for
looking after me so kindly, and she slid herself up against me, her head
fitting into the hollow of my neck as she hugged me gently.
   "It okay to put arm around me, Jakku-san, you not hurt me!" she
murmured, and I could hear the sadness in her voice; almost without
thinking I slid my arm around her, holding her properly for the first time.
It felt good, actually, it felt great; she was soft and warm, and she
fitted against me as though she was a part of me, and once again that sense
of déjà vu permeated me; I'd definitely done this before, with her, it felt
so right.  I felt her warm little hand on my back as she gently rubbed
between my shoulder-blades, relaxing and calming me as she lovingly rubbed
and caressed me.  She looked up at me, a bright, happy smile on her face.
   "Sleep now, my husband, in morning we will talk, you ask, I will tell,
but now you must rest, please to go to sleep!"
   I smiled at her expression, and lay back, unconsciously pulling her
closer to me, but enjoying the warmth and feel of her as she curled up
inside my arm.
   I awoke in the dead of night, wide awake from a confused dream of faces
and places, the images already fading, but one image remained clear;
Teruko, much younger than she was now, sitting on a bed with me with a
large black dog sitting up at her feet; she'd called the dog "Sinai" or
"Sensei", something like that; it was vivid and unfading, and I knew that I
was remembering her as a young girl, which raised yet another question; how
long had I known this girl?  Were we childhood sweethearts?  Where did I
meet her, and when?
   As I pondered, I slowly became aware of where my hand was; somehow,
while I slept, my hand had found itself inside the back of her pyjama pants
and was clutching her firm, warm, rounded buttock.  I was stunned; what was
I doing?  I had no business touching her so intimately, and I tried to
stealthily slide my hand away from the forbidden territory, but even that
was enough to wake her.
   I tried to take my hand away, spluttering apologies, but she stopped my
hand by putting her hand on mine, and touched my lips with her fingertip.
   "Sshhh, Jakku-san, it okay, you my husband, you allowed to hold me like
that!  It nice, please do not stop!  Husband can hold me closer if he wish,
he not hurt me, I would like him to hold me close again!"
   All the while, she'd been gently undulating against me, and now that
involuntary reaction was happening again; I looked at her in ashamed
embarrassment, but she just smiled at me and ground herself against me a
little harder, her hand going around the back of my neck to gently pull my
head down so she could kiss me lightly on the lips.
   "Husband and wife do lot of things together, all good; it part of love,
Jakku-san want me show him how again?" she breathed, and I could only nod,
my mouth suddenly too dry to speak.
   Teruko knelt up on the bed, switched on the bedside lamp, and began
slowly unbuttoning her pyjama top, smiling gently all the while.  I watched
half in anticipation, half in trepidation, wondering what she was going to
show me, or if I was even capable of understanding what she wanted us to
do, a strange, not uncomfortable tightness beginning to make itself felt in
the base of my scrotum as my erect penis suddenly throbbed insistently. 
She undid the last of the buttons and pulled off the top, her breasts
spilling out into the lamplight, perfectly formed, opulent without being
excessive, with beautiful, pale brownish-pink nipples, solidly erect in the
lamplight.
   Suddenly, unaccountably, I had the urge to suck and squeeze those
delicious looking nubs, and Teruko smiled as I reached out, almost
mesmerised, to hold and feel those magnificent orbs.  I suddenly looked
into her eyes, realising what I was doing, and made to pull away, but she
took my wrists and pulled my hands back onto her fabulous breasts.
   "It is allowed; you are my husband!" she grinned, her eyes twinkling as
she smiled, and so I once again took those beautiful breasts in my hands,
feeling the stiff firmness of the nipples against my palms, hearing her
soft sigh as I gently rubbed them as I slid my hands all over those
alluring breasts.  I hadn't realised I'd moved closer to her, close enough
to lean down and gently suck one of her nipples into my mouth, feeling the
texture of the firm rubbery flesh against my lips as I nibbled, sucked and
licked it, instinct filling in where knowledge lacked, my erection growing
even harder and more insistent as sense-memories awakened, the almost
cellular awareness that this was something I had done before, many times.
   Without even realising it, my other hand took hold of her other breast,
and began twirling and lightly pinching the nipple in time to my sucking
and nibbling of the one in my mouth.  Absently I felt her hands on my head
as she twined her fingers in my hair, holding me against her as I suckled
and teased, her sighs and soft rippling murmurs letting me know that I was
doing it just right.
   I felt her hand under my chin, and I looked up at her, to see her deep
ruby lips smile invitingly, and instinctively, impulsively, I leaned in to
kiss those curving red lips.  As my lips brushed against hers, the sudden
urge to kiss her rose up inside me, and I pulled her closer, her lips
suddenly irresistible, my need to kiss her deeply suddenly almost
overpowering.
   Teruko wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me back just as
enthusiastically, her tongue slipping between my lips to brush and wriggle
against mine, the feeling hot, and clean, and very, very sexy!
   I broke off for air, to see her smiling happily at me.
   "Now I know Jakku-san not forget how to kiss me!" she grinned, and I had
to grin back; with the golden lamplight bathing her skin in soft light, and
her nipples glowing like dark coral jewels, she was beautiful and
desirable, and something deep inside me was clamouring for her, a voice I
could almost hear...
   Teruko slid of the bed, and turned slightly away from me to pull down
the pyjama pants, wriggling the tight waistband over her shapely hips, her
naked, beautifully firm buttocks jiggling delightfully and her breasts
tolling like bells with her motion.  She turned to face me again, her grin
still very much in evidence, and her spectacular breasts now revealed in a
their naked glory as she posed in front of me, her long, lithe legs and
flat stomach a poem of symmetry and grace and feminine beauty.  Her firm,
protuberant breasts crowned with two stiff nipples atop delicious coral
caps, her tiny waist and smoothly flaring hips curving round to her tight
buttocks and inviting lumbar dimples, all formed an image in my mind that
edged tantalisingly close to memory and recall.
   Her flat, taut belly rounded down to a crease of folded flesh between
her slim thighs, a glistening mystery that made my heart slam and pound in
my chest, but why I couldn't say.  She was everything, and more, that I had
imagined, and to now have her here, with me, ready to take me wherever I
wanted to go, that thought was almost too much; how could I deserve
something as gorgeous, as beautiful, as innocent as this?
   My penis was now almost unbearably hard; my scrotum, normally so loose
and flaccid, was a tight saddle under the root of my cock, the pressure on
both of them urgently needing to be released, to be relieved somehow.
   Teruko held out her hand to me, inviting me to join her, and I
wordlessly slid off the bed, taking her hands as she gently teased me
closer, finally curling her hand around my neck to gently, sweetly, but oh!
so erotically, kiss and nibble my bottom lip, my nose full of the peach
scent of her, and another, musky, tangy-sweet scent hovering just on the
edge of perception, the smell of her own arousal.
   As she kissed me gently but firmly, her free hand brushed against my
rigid cock in my shorts, my cock twitching and jumping as her hand brushed
it again, this time the fingertips lingering for a second, feeling out the
shape and texture of my erection.  Teruko broke our kiss to look up at me
and smile gently.
   "Husband excited, can I see please?  I not hurt you, if you not like, I
stop, I promise!  "
   I swallowed again; I wanted her to hold me like that, to help me relieve
the pressure inside me, to make this feeling, this sweet agony dissipate
somehow, but I was scared and embarrassed too.  Her gentle question helped
to quell that, and I found myself nodding apprehensively, although a part
of me wanted that very much indeed.
   She slid her hands down to my hips, and without taking her eyes from
mine, began inching my shorts down, waiting for me to say 'stop', but I
didn't; she was all I knew in the world, right now she was all I had, and I
trusted her.
   At last my waistband slid over my hips and my shorts dropped to the
floor.  I looked away, biting my lip, in a fury of embarrassment at being
naked in front of this beautiful girl, but Teruko gently turned my head
back to her, her sweet smile still in place.
   "It is all right, Jakku-san, not look away!  There is nothing to feel
shame for, look, I am naked too!  This normal, it proper for you and me. 
One day, you will be my husband, I will be your wife, so there can be no
wrong thing between us."
   I looked into her eyes and saw the truth of what she was saying.  My
erection, meanwhile, had paid no attention to my inner turmoil, and stayed
stubbornly, resolutely firm and unflagging, and now her warm little hand
wrapped around the base, to give a gentle squeeze.  I nearly fainted with
the sensation; it felt strange, wonderful, and intense, plus a welter of
other things I had no name for, all of them pleasurable, all of them
centring on this girl who held me so intimately.
   Her hand began to pump gently, the sensation almost making me pass-out,
it felt so good.  She looked deeply into my eyes, and once again I was
compelled to kiss her.
   While we kissed, and as she pumped my cock, her other hand began gently
stroking and caressing my balls, making my eyes widen as the sensations
inside me ramped-up, the need inside me growing huge and unmanageable any
longer.  I cried out as something inside me reached a crescendo, white hot
waves of pleasure radiating out from my groin as my cock suddenly spurted
on her, long jets bursting out of me to splash on her belly and between her
breasts in a fury of release.  Teruko continued to pump and squeeze my
cock, urging more and more out of me, the thick, translucent spray
splashing and running down her torso in thick, viscous rivulets.
   I stopped ejaculating, my cock still hard, still twitching, but that
feeling of tension, of unbearable pressure had been relieved, and now I
just felt relaxed; too relaxed, in fact; I was swaying with weariness, my
knees feeling weak and my body almost overcome with fatigue.  Teruko urged
me onto the bed, where I flopped down, suddenly realising my heart was
beating like a trip-hammer.
   I tried to catch my breath, and Teruko slowly inched me back onto the
pillow, to lie prone while she wiped her torso with her pyjama top before
climbing into bed with me and pulling the covers over both of us.  I was
tired, true, but I had some questions, and now, as I had her full
attention, it seemed like a good time to ask her.
   "Teruko, what just happened?  What was all...that...just now?"
   She looked at me calmly, and began to explain, as well as I could
understand, the facts of life, or some of them, anyway...
   "So that stuff makes babies, yes?" I asked her, "So, are you going to
have a baby then?"
   She grinned at me.
   "It need to be inside me for that, Jakku-san!  I show you that soon.  I
not have baby yet, not until you ready for me have baby, but it nice to
practice!  In morning, if you ready, I can show you how, you like?"
   I nodded, and she smiled, her face lighting up.
   "Jakku-san not forget everything, I think!  In morning will be better,
must rest now, husband very tired, we have visitor tomorrow, so wake up
early, yes?"
   Again I nodded, and she smiled.
   "Good, sleep now, my husband, dream of me, I dream of you every night,
now dream come true, and I am so very happy!  Goodnight Jakku-san, love you
very much!"
   I hugged her close as she moulded her lovely naked body against mine,
her lips brushing mine before she nestled her head into the hollow of my
neck and closed her eyes with a happy sigh.
   When I awoke, I was surprised, and gratified, to discover I had a rigid,
and rather impressively erect, penis poking solidly into Teruko's rear as
she spooned against me.  As I woke, her eyes fluttered open as she turned
her head and gently stroked the side of my face with her fingertips.
   "I see Jakku-san truly not forget everything!" she giggled softly, her
voice soft and melodic, musical and sweet.  On impulse I nibbled her
earlobe, and she giggled again.
   "That nice, I like that, do some more, please!" so I did, listening to
her sighing as I gently licked and nibbled her earlobe.  I could see her
nipples erecting as I licked, and again, responding to some inner
prompting, I slid my hand over her ribcage to cup and squeeze her breast,
feeling the nipple firm and rubbery between my fingertips as I teased it to
a solid rigidity.
   Teruko sighed, pushing her soft, yielding backside against my hard cock,
the sensation awakening other promptings, urges that made me kiss and
nibble her neck, her shoulder, and finally, as she turned to face me, her
soft, invitingly red lips.  As we kissed, the sensation feeling clean and
safe, and exciting, her hands drifted down my now rigidly erect cock,
taking hold of me as she had done the previous night, and rubbing the head
of it as she squeezed the shaft.
   Her hands were sending electric jolts though my body, the pleasure
mounting up my spine until it grounded in my brain, and a light went on as
I realised what she wanted to do with me.  Almost without thought I moved
between her wide-spread thighs, supporting myself on my knees and elbows as
she kissed me hard and urgently, at the same time gripping my now painfully
rigid cock.
   As I thrust forward slowly, I felt the tip of my cock encounter a soft,
warm heat, and a sensation almost like moist lips caressing me, and I
realised I was almost inside her, something she wanted, by the look of
encouragement, love and sheer need she gave me.  As I dithered at the
entrance, she slid down, her action causing my cock to slip inside her all
the way.  Teruko groaned, as did I at the tight, hot sensation of being so
deep inside her, at the feel of her heat enclosing me, the firm, moist
clasp of her pussy around me almost making me go off again like I had the
previous night.
   Teruko smiled and pulled me gently down to her, kissing me softly, and I
kissed her back, her lips and the feel of her skin awakening things inside
me that wanted her this way.  I began to move, instinct awakening again and
showing me what to do, and she encouraging me, gently thrusting back
against me, her pussy squeezing me in time to my thrusts into her.  She
smiled at me, and tears ran from the corners of her eyes.  I stopped,
panicked, thinking I was somehow hurting her, but she thrust back at me and
urged me on, smiling and wiping the tears away.
   "Husband remember, Jakku-san remember how to make love, I so happy, I
never think I make love to husband again, now he is here, he make love to
me again, I am happy again!"
   The sight of her here, under me, her breasts pale and firm with her
stiff nipples pressing into my chest, her sleek thighs wrapped around me,
and her soft, inviting lips parted as her face slowly flushed, all these
were awakening memories, other times we had done this.
   Images of her smiling, her big dark eyes wide open as she laughed
delightedly, her eyes closed in ecstasy as she held me close, her head back
and the tendons in her throat corded, the remembered feel of her body
pressed against mine as she shook and shuddered against me, all these
flashed through my mind as we made love.
   I began to increase the pace of my thrusting, and she did likewise, both
of us pumping and pounding at each other as we strove to reach that place I
instinctively knew was the purpose of this coupling.
   The end came as Teruko, her eyes tight closed and head thrown back,
groaned out loud and held me tight, her arms locking about my neck.  Her
pussy pulsed against my cock, tightening around it like her hand last
night. I lost all restraint as that feeling rose up again in me, that
unbearable tightness looking for release.  Suddenly it was too much, and
like last night, my sperm blasted out of me and into her in long,
satisfying, jets, spurt after spurt giving me blessed relief from that
almost indescribable tension between my thighs and deep inside me.
   I cried out in release, my eyesight dimming at the intensity of the
feeling, and Teruko responded, tightening around me as she shuddered and
shook, the waves of shuddering culminating in a scream of release as she
too sprayed warm fluid over me as she orgasmed, her pussy clamping down
tightly on me, making me groan and even more sperm shoot out of me and into
her, her hands holding tight to the bunched-up bed covers as she shook and
shuddered under me.
   At last I stopped jetting into her, and her death grip around my waist
relaxed, allowing me to collapse next to her, my heart pounding as I gasped
for breath.  Teruko lay back, her eyes tightly closed as her chest rose and
fell as rapidly as mine, and I could see her pulse fluttering in the hollow
of her throat.  Gradually my racing heart slowed, and my breathing became
more normal, as did hers.  She opened her eyes and smiled at me, her eyes
sparkling with unshed tears.
   "Jakku-san ask me last night to show him how to make baby with me; this
is how, and when he is ready, when he has remember enough of me, we will
make many babies together!"
   She gently pulled me closer, and kissed me softly on the lips, blinking
away the tears that had gathered in her eyes and smiling brightly.
   "And now we must get up, visitor come soon, friend Harry bringing Sai
Fong, we go for short walk, show you around, you like?"
   I nodded, so she led me to the bathroom where we shared a quick but
satisfying shower, then Teruko helped me towel off while I dried her, a
very rewarding experience!
   She was just drying her hair when the door-bell rang, but she dropped
the dryer and went to answer it, and I heard Sai Fong's voice as she
greeted Teruko.  The two of them disappeared into the sitting room while I
finished dressing, taking my time as I was still a little wobbly on my
feet. At last, dressed and brushed, I went to walk into the sitting-room,
when something made me stop and listen to the low-voiced conversation
between Teruko and Sai Fong as they made breakfast in the tiny kitchenette.
   Teruko was talking, and I could hear the tears in her voice as she
lamented the fact that so much of me wasn't there anymore, that a stranger
who looked like me was in her home, and my heart wrenched inside me; why
couldn't I at least be allowed to remember and feel for her what she was
feeling for me?  She sounded heartbroken, all her bravado in the bedroom,
when she was alone with me, was for my benefit; in reality, she was still
alone; the Jack she knew was gone, maybe permanently, and there was a
stranger left in his place.
   I guessed I was slowly falling in love with her all over again, but
right now, all I had for certain was attraction, God was I attracted to
her, but there was no 'Teruko, my girlfriend' file in my head, and she knew
there was no trace of her in my mind, nothing of the life we'd had before
except my fragmentary dream images and quick unexpected flash images of her
in different outfits, or naked, her eyes on mine, or smiling at me, or
asleep against me...
   "Ssshh, baby, don't, it will be alright, I promise you!" soothed Sai
Fong.  "Jack is still Jack; I remember him from when I was younger, and
there's still an awful lot of him there, things he does or says, the way he
moves or sits that tell me "That's Jack Cameron!" Don't try so hard; he'll
come around eventually, when he stops being so scared!"
   "Jakku-san is frightened?" I heard Teruko say, her voice sharp and
wondering.
   "Teruko, think about it," said Sai Fong, "He's only a couple of weeks
old, all he knows is what you've told him; he tries to hide it, but he's
probably petrified, I know I would be!"
   Teruko sobbed.
   "Taoists say be careful what you wish for, I wish too hard, and now the
gods punish me!"
   Sai Fong laughed, a silvery tinkling laugh.
   "Don't be so silly; no-one's punishing you!  Take it easy with him, and
give him a chance; Jack was crazy about you, eventually he'll remember
that; you don't easily forget something that's so much a part of who you
are; it will all come back to him, just give him a chance!"
   Teruko sighed.
   "I never think it be so hard to love older brother so much, is it same
for you?"
   What?  Did she say 'Brother'?  I was her brother?  Oh my God...
   "Teruko, I fell in love the first day I saw Harry, the day he and dad
picked me up from Birmingham Airport.  I was only ten years old, but as
soon as I saw him, I knew.  I never cared he was my older brother, it never
occurred to me to give a tinker's damn about it, all I knew was that Harry
was big, and sweet, and gorgeous, and he was going to be mine one day, and
I made it happen.  I couldn't bear to lose him, and I don't know how I'd
cope in your place, but I do know I wouldn't give up; I love him too much.
Listen to me; under all that amnesia and fear and stumbling and fumbling
around, Jack's still in there, and we'll all dig, and poke, and prod until
we can winkle him out again, I promise you!"
   I stopped listening, feeling like a voyeur, but also because my head was
whirling; Teruko was my sister?  How could this be?  I had asked her to
marry me, but she was my sister!  I must have made a noise, because next
thing the door swung open and Sai Fong was standing here, and Teruko in the
background, just getting up from her seat.
   "Jack, how are you?" she beamed, and I nodded, still stunned, confused
and bemused by what I'd heard.
   "I'm okay, thank you.  Umm..."
   "Sit down Jack; would you like a bacon sandwich?"
   I nodded, and Teruko quickly pulled some bacon off the gill and buttered
two slices of bread, slapped the bacon between them and cut it in half on a
plate.  She brought it to me and smiled down at me.
   "Jakku-san, please to eat, you are very thin, sick for long time, now
you need strength, please, eat!"
   She trailed her fingers over my face and I flinched slightly, a minute
movement, but she noticed it, and a small frown creased her smooth
forehead. I schooled my features with a weak smile as I stared at her,
examining her face for any trace of resemblance to me.  This girl was my
sister?  How could that be?
   I bit down into my sandwich, more for something to do than because I was
still hungry.  Teruko looked at me quizzically, aware that something was on
my mind, then spoke to me.
   "Jakku-san, what is matter, why you jump?  Not be afraid, I not bite
you, I promise!"
   I looked up at her, and decided to take the bull by the horns.
   "Teruko, Sai Fong, I overheard what you were saying just now, both of
you; is it true, you're Harry's sister, and Teruko is ...is my...sister?"
   Sai Fong looked at Teruko and then back at me.  "Jack, I think we all
need to talk; don't say anything, just listen, please."
   I nodded, so she continued.
   "Jack," she began, "Teruko and you...fell in love, it was unforced, it
was natural, you were both happy.  It was the same for Harry and me; you
say you heard what I said, then you must have heard everything else as
well. Jack, Harry and I are in love, I've always loved him, our father
knows, and he knows that Harry and I will get married when I finish
university; it was the same for you and Teruko.  I know only a part of the
story, why don't you let Teruko tell you the rest?  Jack?"
   I was looking at the expression on Teruko's face, seeing the longing and
the sadness, and to be honest, I was feeling that as well, and something
else; something or someone deep inside me was still desperately clamouring
for her, but...my sister?
   I rubbed my head, my finger absently rubbing over the faint indentation
where the bullet had invaded my head and changed my life forever.  I looked
over at Teruko.
   "How did...you and me...how...?" I stumbled, unable to ask her the
question, feeling repelled, but also, strangely attracted and taken with
that one fact in the middle of my confusion right now; that this beautiful
Japanese girl was my sister, and that we'd been...romantically involved,
lovers, prospective husband and wife.
   Teruko leaned toward me, her expression serious.
   "Jakku-san, you save me long time ago, you save me and bring me home, I
grow in your family, your mother become my mother; but I am still your
sister; that all change six month ago, we discover what we feel, we make
love many time, it good, it feel right, it was right.  Jakku-san say he
love me, ask me marry him, I say yes, I mean it; I want to marry my
Jakku-san, he the man I love, he is you, but now you not remember, I help
you remember.  I will stay with you, I not understand before, I very sad
you not know me, Sai Fong show me what is wrong, we fix, everyone help fix
this, but I will not go, Jakku-san still lost, I will help find him again!"
   My head was spinning with all this, and I was in no fit state to try and
make sense out of it; my world picture was still too small, consisting
solely of what I'd gleaned from conversations with Harry, Teruko, and
Doctor Hunter at the hospital; watching the television was
incomprehensible, the news was meaningless, the programmes I watched had no
points of reference for me, I didn't know what they were talking about, the
entire cultural reference library I needed to slot into this world was
missing.
   My head was aching now, and Teruko being so near was making it worse; I
wanted her, badly, and the thought of wanting her that way repelled me, yet
the thought of losing her frightened me deeply, a deep fissure of desperate
need opening up in me at the thought of not having her with me; was that
Jack talking to me, was it my own feelings and buried memories trying to
communicate with me?
   I stood up, rubbing that small indentation above my left ear again, as
though it would somehow help me regain what I'd lost.
   "What we did, last night, this morning?  Brothers don't do that with
their sisters; why did you make me do that?  It was wrong, it had to be, it
feels so wrong now, I feel so...so...I don't know what I feel, but I think
I did something bad, and I don't know why you let me do it!"
   Teruko stared at me, her expression lost, shocked, horrified, but I
didn't know how to take it back, or if I should; my sister!  Oh, this was
bad, this was very bad!  She tried to reach out to me, but I leaned back,
away from her; I didn't think her touching me was such a good idea...
   "Jakku-san, please...!" she started,
   "Teruko, please, my head hurts, I need some fresh air.  I'm going out
for a walk." I paused, seeing Teruko's stricken expression, and again that
conflicted feeling swirled through me.
   "Will you come with me?  Please?  I don't know where anything is..." I
asked her, not really knowing why I did; maybe I was trying to make up for
the hurt I'd seen in her eyes just now...
   She smiled tremulously, blinking rapidly to dissipate the tears in her
eyes.
   "Yes, I come with you, Jakku-san, please to put on jacket, it very
cold."
   She rummaged in a closet and pulled out a green waxed jacket with a
padded green tartan lining and a label inside that said 'Barbour'.
   "This Jakku-san favourite jacket, wear it all time!" she smiled, and I
did feel a small shock of recognition as she helped me put it on.  It felt
loose, too big, and Teruko smiled, her lip trembling.
   "Jakku-san lose so much weight, very thin, coat so big now, but always
wear this before, it part of him!"
   There was a pair of gloves in the pocket, and something bulky in the
inner breast pocket.  I took it out, it was my wallet.  As I opened it,
little bits started to come back.  I saw Teruko giving me this, she was
younger then, and there was a small picture of the two of usinside the
front cover, her face pressed cheek to cheek with me to get both of us in
the frame.  Her face was the same, but mine was fuller, smiling, the eyes
alive and sharp.
   I riffled through the wallet, pulling out business cards and pieces of
paper with cryptic notes and reminders scribbled on them, identity cards
for somewhere or something called 'DSG', another one for someplace called
'DES Abbey Wood', and a Ministry of Defence ID card giving my place of work
as 'Woolwich Arsenal'.  As I looked at it, at my strained expression in the
ID picture, an image of tank treads and turrets, gun barrels and a large
work space with overhead cranes and bright, harsh arc-lights, and a square
office with a desk and a screen, the bare blockwork walls painted white,
flashed through my mind.
   I looked questioningly at Teruko, and she gently took the cards and
papers away from me.
   "This all to do with work, you not need to worry, you on sick leave,
when you better, you go back to work.  Doctor at work want to see you when
National Hospital finish with you, until then, this not important, ok?"
   I took her hand, trying to apologise for my outburst, making her pause
and smile uncertainly, tiny droplets still trembling on her eyelashes.
   "Teruko, where do I work?" I asked her.  She looked uncertain, looking
at Sai Fong in mute appeal.
   "You work for the Government, Jack," she said, "for something called
DSG; you're based at Woolwich Arsenal, you're a Project Manager in the
Re-Engineering Section, rebuilding tanks, personnel carriers, Warriors,
Bloodhounds, that kind of thing; Harry works for them too, indirectly,
designing helicopter airframes.  When you were injured, you were given
indefinite Sick Leave; you're a Civil Servant, so you'd probably have to
blow up Parliament and ravish the Queen before they'd have grounds to sack
you, so you don't need to worry too much about work just now!  If they
think it's necessary, they'll keep on extending your Sick-Leave
indefinitely; you're a very important part of the war effort, they need
you, and they'll do everything they can to keep you on-side!"
   I remembered that Harry was down at this 'Woolwich Arsenal' place this
morning, he'd said it wasn't far from where we were, and suddenly I needed
to see my workplace.
   "Take me there, please, take me to where I work, I want to see it!"
   Teruko and Sai Fong exchanged glances, and began pulling on jackets, and
Sai Fong picked up some car keys from the dresser.
   "I'll drive, Teruko doesn't know the way."
   We climbed into a big silver 4x4 (mine, I was told, although it didn't
seem familiar at all) and drove the short distance, by London standards, to
the Woolwich Arsenal, driving though the grounds until we came to a series
of low brick structures.  The guard at the gate took my ID and made a call,
then waved us through into the car park, just as a burly man in a dark suit
came out of the entrance of one of the buildings.
   "Jack, good to see you back on your feet, how are you feeling?" he
boomed, shaking hands vigorously with me, then engulfing Teruko and Sai
Fong's little hands in his large mitt.
   He looked at me closely, and I looked back, not a glimmer of recognition
to give me a hint as to who this was.
   "It's true, then," he murmured, shaking his head, "you don't have a clue
who I am..."
   He indicated that we follow him into the building and into what looked
like a conference room, where he asked all of us to be seated.  Once we
were settled, he started talking.
   "Jack, as you're still on Sick-Leave, I can't discuss your job or the
projects you were involved in when this all happened.  I'm not sure why
you're here, and I think that, until the National signs you off and over to
Whittington, our conversations need to be about your progress, not the work
you were involved in.  As of right now, you are on Indefinite Sick Leave,
and will have to remain there until this has all been cleared up.  On a
purely personal note, you are very much missed here; I have all your
colleagues coming up to me every day asking about you, and the National has
been very good in keeping us updated on your progress."
   I was a little confused, and a little concerned; why had the hospital
been giving details about me to my employer?  I asked him as much, and he
looked serious.
   "Jack, you work...worked, I should say, on one of the most important
range of projects currently occupying the Ministry; being assaulted the way
you were raised fears that it may have had a terrorist connection, seeing
as you were a specialist Project Manager working on some of our most secure
projects.  Your attack rang alarm bells in all sorts of places, and it fell
to us to investigate every possible connection, no matter how seemingly
innocent or outlandish."
   "And did you find anything?" I asked, dreading what I might hear.
   He shook his head.
   "As far as the Security Branch, MI6, The Metropolitan Police, SOCA and
SO15 Counter-Terrorism Command could determine, it was what it seemed, a
mugging gone wrong, a gang-wannabe trying to make his name as part of a
gang initiation.  We recovered the gun, a Glock nine-millimetre that went
missing from an ISAF armoury in Iraq six years ago.  It was recovered after
a shooting in Hackney; the boy carrying the pistol attempted to kill a
police officer, fortunately the officer involved was able to call in the
Firearms Unit, and the perpetrator died in the ensuing shoot-out.  He was
15 years old, but he chose to carry a gun, and use it against defenceless
people; there's an old saying, Jack; 'He who lives by the sword, shall die
by the sword'; as soon as he picked up that gun, he sealed his own fate,
always remember that."
   I felt sick; a kid had died because he'd wanted to join a gang, he'd
failed with me and gone on to try again, and now he was was dead; he was a
potential killer, but he was still only a kid.
   His voice jerked me back to attention.
   "Don't feel bad about it Jack, his death was brought about by his own
actions; the gang he wanted to join has a particularly nasty initiation
rule; newbies have to kill someone at random to be considered for
membership, he was attempting to kill a police officer and that's what
brought about his own death; you had no part in that, you were part of his
initiation, but he didn't kill either of you, so he went on to try again.
Your young lady had a lucky escape.  Remember this; that gun had been used
in three unsolved killings, all similar to what nearly happened to you;
don't shed any tears over him, Jack, he picked up that gun willingly, and
signed his own death warrant."
   Teruko was huddling close to me, and my arm was around her, holding her
tight, although I had no memory of holding her, her eyes showing her shock.
   He looked gravely at me as he stood up.
   "Go home, Jack, you don't need to be here, take your convalescence, and
come back when you're ready.  Right now, you're no use to me, nor to
yourself; I suggest you spend your time resting and following doctor's
orders.  Spend some time with your young lady, go home and see your mother,
Defence Support Group will still be there when you're ready to come back to
work."
   We all stood up, and as we made for the door, I turned to him.
   "You didn't tell me your name..."
   He grinned at me.
   "Oh yes, I forgot why you were here.  My name's Mike Sullivan, I'm in
charge here, for my sins.  Keep in touch, the hospital will keep the boys
at Whittington informed as to your progress, but I'd appreciate a call now
and then, just to let me know how you're doing.  Remember, there's no rush
to get back to work, get well first, get some beef on your bones, you're as
thin as a rake, and come back when you're ready!"
   He grinned at Sai Fong.
   "And Harry's waiting in Main Building, he knows you're here, why don't
you go join him for a coffee?"
   As we shook hands and walked back to the car, Sai Fong grinned at me.
   "You really don't know who that was, do you?" she smiled, and I grinned
back.
   "I assume he's my boss, seems like a nice enough man, I'll do what he
asked and keep him informed."
   Sai Fong looked me directly in the eyes.
   "Jack, that was General Sir Michael Sullivan, KG, DSO, KFC, OMG, and
probably WTF, Chairman of The Joint Chiefs of Staff, Supreme Commander of
the UK Land-based military, and Big Shot-in-chief of the entire damned
Ministry of Defence!  I'm not sure, but I think he outranks God!"
   I was still wondering how I knew such an exalted person when Sai Fong
ushered us into the car and drove us over to the main building, where Harry
was waiting.
   While the girls went off to powder their noses, Harry and I sat drinking
some really excellent coffee; I'd discovered I loved coffee, so Harry had
set up a couple of good ones, and we chatted until I finally got up the
nerve to broach the subject of him and Sai Fong.
   "Harry, I...overheard the girls talking this morning, and I happened to
hear that you and Sai, and Teruko and me, we're...all of us are...are..." I
floundered, not knowing how to go on.  Harry rescued me.
   "Jack, Sai and I are in love, she's always known, it took me a while
longer, but I have no regrets; she's a beautiful, talented, loving and very
sexy girl, I don't think I could do any better.  I don't know how you're
feeling about Teruko right now, but everything I just said about Sai
applies equally to Teruko.  When you were lying there, inert, barely
ticking over, more dead than alive, she was there, helping the
physiotherapist exercise you, talking to you, sleeping next to you every
single night in that God-awful chair, praying for you, making promises,
storming the ramparts, hoping.  You'll never know just how much she pined
for you, it broke Sai's heart to see that poor girl slowly lose hope, but
she never let you go.  She loves you, boy, more than you can possibly
understand, and yes, she may be your half-sister, but you forgot that once,
she was just the girl you loved; let the 'sister' bit go again, it doesn't
mean anything to her, it shouldn't mean anything to you either.  You need
her now, but more than ever, she needs you.  It's time to get your head out
of your arse and step up, Jackie-boy!"
   I was taken aback at the vehemence in his voice, his expression, and
something inside me heard and agreed with everything he'd said; she may
have been my half-sister (and I still wasn't sure that how that had come
about!), but I had no memory of that aspect of our life; the Teruko I knew
was an achingly beautiful girl who seemed to be, and actually was, totally
devoted to me.  Harry was right; it was time to let go of an imagined,
shadowy past and grasp the future she offered.
   Harry grinned as he saw acceptance dawn in my eyes, and he clapped my on
the back.
   "There you go, Jack, that wasn't so difficult!  Here are the girls now,
so I'm going to take Sai Fong and show her some of the wonderful
architecture in this decrepit mausoleum; I would suggest this might be a
good time to mend some fences.  See you later!"
   With that, he leaped out of his seat and piloted Sai Fong away from the
seating area, much to her annoyance.  Teruko looked on in incomprehension,
until I took her hand and guided her down next to me.  She looked closely
at me, obviously aware that something had happened, but unable to fathom
what.
   "What is matter, Jakku-san, not feel well?  I take you home...!" she
started, but I interrupted her, pulling her around so I could look into her
huge, beautiful eyes.
   "Teruko, I want to apologise for being so unfeeling today, this morning,
and for everything.  I hurt your feelings, and I was wrong to do that.  I
was wrong about us, about how I feel about you.  I don't care that you're
my sister, I only care about you, and I only want you, if you'll have me.
Harry reminded what we had before all...this, what you meant to me, and I
can't let that go.  I loved you before this happened, and it grieves me
that I don't remember that.  I don't know whether I'll ever remember our
past, but we can make new memories; we had a past, now, perhaps, if you'll
let me, we could make a future.  I know I love you, Teruko, all kinds of
things keep telling me that, and I want to be with you.  I once asked you
to marry me; I'm asking you again.  Teruko, will you marry me?"
   She smiled happily at me, her eyes dancing.
   "Yes, I will marry Jakku-san, be wife and make lot of babies!"
   She leaned in and kissed me, her lips soft and delicate, and I had to
restrain myself from pulling her in tight and kissing her hard, as hard as
I could as the need for her suddenly blazed up in me, a hot tingle that
invaded my limbs and body, and centered around my groin, the tension there
almost unbearable as my cock stiffened painfully, demanding her as my need
for her fanned higher.
   As we kissed, I happened to look up, and the middle-aged lady behind the
counter was staring at us, trying to look disapproving, but she looked
away, a small smile on her face, and I suddenly remembered where we were.
Teruko opened her eyes, seeing me looking behind her and turned to see what
I was looking at, and blushing prettily as she saw the serving lady trying
to hide her grin as we snogged in the booth.  She turned back to me, her
eyes bright and happy.
   "We go home soon, yes?  We go see mummy, see Grandad, all friends want
see you, have rest at home, it very good there, we will have Christmas,
mummy not ready for Christmas yet, she waiting for you to come home, have
present for you, now we go home, celebrate with her, you will like!"
   I pulled myself closer to her, holding her close and enjoying the feel
of her against me, the warm, peach scent of her hair as I brushed my lips
against it, and, if I'm honest, the swell of her breasts and the feel of
her stiff nipples poking into my chest as I held her tightly.  In just the
little while I'd known her, (okay, but you know what I mean...) she'd
become the most important thing in my life, the one thing I could
absolutely depend on; my mother and grandfather were still just faces and
voices on the telephone, and to be honest, Harry and Sai meant more to me
than my own family.
   I knew, deep-down inside, that Teruko was distressed by the fact that my
mother and Grandfather meant nothing to me; she knew I'd lost them
somewhere in the midst of all the trauma, and it still hurt her that I was
so disconnected from them, and not at all anxious to re-connect.  She'd
tried several times to get me to show some interest in going home to
Shrewsbury once I came out of hospital, but I'd resisted; all I knew was
right here, the hospital and now the little flat in Lewisham, a tiny world,
to be sure, but it was mine, and I was too unsure of the rest of the world
to want to venture out into it.
   A movement caught my eye, and I turned to see Harry and Sai Fong
grinning at us, Sai Fong with her thumb and forefinger in the 'OK' sign,
silently cheering me on as I hugged this beautiful girl who had once been
so important to me, and was becoming that all over again.
   The two of them sat themselves down next to us, Harry grinning at me.
   "Okay, Jack, I want to know if you're up for a trip home.  I have a long
weekend, Sai's on Christmas Break, and as we're going home to Cosford to
see dad and Grandpa for one last quick visit before we come back up on
Christmas Eve, I was wondering if you'd like to come with us; I'll drop
both of you at your mum's place in Shrewsbury tonight and pick you up
Monday afternoon; that will give you four days to rest, relax, let your mum
look after you for a while; who knows, you might even like it!  Or maybe
you could stay there for Christmas and come back down with us after Boxing
Day; you want to give it a go?"
   One look at Teruko's bright smile and wistful look was all it took, so
we thanked Harry and set a time for him to come pick us up.  Sai drove
Teruko back in our car while I caddied with Harry in his Cherokee, as I had
a feeling he wanted to talk to me in private.  He waited until we'd cleared
the traffic through Woolwich before broaching the subject that was on his
mind.
   "Jack, I was up at the helicopter school at Shawbury last week, and
while I was there, I popped over to Shrewsbury to see your mum.  She says
you're avoiding her, and she can't understand it; she loves you, you idiot,
she keeps asking Teruko to bring you home, I know Teruko brings it up all
the time, and you keep putting it off; I know you can't remember her, but
Teruko does, and you refusing to see her is hurting Teruko too; she won't
leave you for a second, and so you're keeping her from her mum, and that's
just wrong!"
   He paused, watching the traffic as we crawled through Charlton.
   "If you'll take some advice from an old friend, Jack, go home and stay
there for a while, let your mum look after you, let her find any bits of
you she can, and you can maybe rediscover her, and your grandad too; the
old boy is missing you like crazy, all he wants is to see you walking
around and being alive again after lying there like a corpse for so long;
he deserves that much.  Okay, I've said my piece, it's up to you whether
you want to listen to me, but I know you Jack; so do they, let them have
something, anything.  For Chrissake, I shouldn't have to twist your arm
over this, Jack!"
   He stopped talking as he concentrated on threading through the traffic
in Charlton.  I watched the traffic, needing to say something, to explain
how I was feeling about my whole situation.
   "Harry, I don't know how to do this, I don't know these people, what if
I'm not...Jack, not me, anymore, how will they handle that?  How can I
relate to them when I don't know them at all, or what they're expecting of
me?  How can I be who they want, when I don't know who that is, or what
they expect of me?"
   Harry pulled over and switched on the Hazard lights, then turned to me.
   "Jack, you mum needs you, your family needs you, and you need them too.
I lost my mum when I was born, so I don't remember her; my Gran brought me
up, she was the only mother I ever knew.  When she died, suddenly all the
stuff that had gone on with us, all the anger over Dad and Sai Fong, all
that meant nothing; she was gone, and I never got to see her to tell her I
loved her, I never got around to trying to make up with her, there was
always time later, and suddenly it was too late.  Don't let that happen to
you, Jack, your mum's hurting, you can make it better.  I know you came
around with Teruko, although I nearly had to kick your arse to make you
understand, don't make me do it for real!  Go and see your mum, spend some
time with her, let her be your mum again, who knows; maybe it will all
start to come together again.  Try, at least, for God's sake, the Jack I
knew never gave up, don't you want to be him again?"
   He paused, looking ahead through the windscreen, obviously gathering his
thoughts, his hands draped over the steering-wheel.
   "Jack, I know you're scared, I know you think you'll get it wrong; so
what?  People get things wrong, they learn, they remember, and they move
on. Your mum knows how things have changed for you, she isn't expecting the
old you, but that doesn't mean you have to be a complete stranger
forevermore.  She just wants her son back home, however he comes packaged,
so maybe you should give her a chance to get to know the you that's here
and now.  I know you only agreed to go home because Teruko asked you, why
not try and be there because you want to be there?  You never know, you may
not get another chance; believe me, Jack, I know only too well how that
feels."
   His face was red, and saw tears in the corners of his eyes, and I
suddenly realised this conversation had touched a raw place inside him.
   "Okay, Harry, I'll try, for Teruko's sake, and for my...mother's sake as
well; you have my word."
   Harry took his hand off the wheel to dunt me on the shoulder.
   "There you go, Jack, can't ask more than that!  Now, that wasn't that so
hard, was it?" he grinned, smiling as he started the car and manoeuvred
back into the stream of traffic
   I had to grin, he seemed so happy to have me back on-side, but I was
feeling apprehensive inside.  Tonight I was going to see the stranger who
was my mother, and I didn't know what to say or do around her, or how to
treat her, anything.  Harry seemed to pick up on this.
   "Don't worry, Jack; Teruko's going be there with you; follow her lead
and you'll be okay; you're seeing your mum, not greeting the Empress of
China!"
   to be continued....
   pics---->> http://bit.ly/1QdQXsD
  
ShiningGirlCh03