Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 Red Spiral
   Mahina's Story
   by Nysidra
   <->
   -_ 1 _My name is Mahina.  I am sitting on a bench in Gibson Park.  The
grass is a dull green and covered with dry leaves.  A pair of cyclists in
yellow spandex whiz down the cement trail.
   It should not rain, but the fog is thick as drizzle.  Palash, the boy I
have been staring at, turns in my direction.  I wipe my hands on my denim
jeans, but my stare continues.  I doubt he will notice this far away.
   I cannot help but admire Palash.  We were close friends years ago.  He
was my idol, coming up with the best games, and tireless energy when it
came time to play.
   We once played doctor.  When it was his turn to inspect me, I stepped
out of my panties.  Palash knelt and peered under my skirt.
   To this day, I have no knowledge of his opinion.  We heard a sound and
scrambled for our clothing.  Neither of us got in trouble, but we never had
the opportunity to play again.
   At the end of this year, Palash will graduate.  I will have little
chance of seeing him again.  Memories of him consume my fanciful mind.  He
has grown into an attractive a young man.
   He crosses the park at a brisk pace.  Head down against the mist.
   Palash sits beside me.  He has the pleasing smell of sweat and the hint
of fading cologne.  "Hello, Mahina."
   He noticed?  "Hello, Palash."
   "It's been a while, huh?"
   "Yes." I suppress my grin.
   "How's school?"
   I nod.  "Boring."
   "Live it up."
   I smile at him.  My heart fluttered.  This was more contact than we had
in years.  The shape of his jaw is larger now.  It makes him look stronger.
   Palash cleared his throat, scanned the park.
   I could not stop staring, even with him this close, knowing that I
should look away.  Such dark eyes in this weather, a little less overcast
gray-glow and they might look black.
   Palash says, "How old are you now?  Fourteen?"
   "Fifteen next week."
   "Okay.  Wow, Mahina, you're looking a hell of a lot older."
   I beam.  "Thank you."
   "I'm going to the movies this afternoon.  Would you like to join me?"
   "How much is it?" I ask though no amount would match what I had in my
pockets.  They were empty.
   "My treat.  Drinks, snacks, the works.  Interested?"
   The day does not seem so gray anymore.  We push off the park bench. 
Palash and I walk toward the theatre, hand in hand.
   "Would this be a date?" I ask.
   Palash nods.
   During the film.  He rubs my thigh.  All time stops, I barely breathe.
   Nothing more.  His wandering hand returns to the popcorn.
   He is shy.  I find this charming.
   ***
   Mallika attends my school.  She is a year ahead of me.  She is much
thinner, more cultured.  She wears fashionable clothing and her hair is
beautifully styled.  Her parents are 'professionals.' I do not know what
this means, and I never had the kind of relationship with Mallika that I
would ask.
   We share one class, social geography.  I sit near the window, but the
view is half sky, half brick building.
   Mallika kneels in the desk chair in front of mine.  She appears upset
with me.  "Palash, really?"
   I smile.  "He is my friend."
   She sneers.  "I do not know what he sees in you." By the way she stares
at my breasts, I think she has the wrong idea.
   I enjoyed every second of Palash's company, but my breasts were not the
focus of his attention.  After the movie, we walked through the mall,
holding hands.  We talked about our time apart while sharing large
pretzels. Palash's father got awarded a contract.  I do not understand
this, but it sounded like a fortunate event.  Palash walked me home and
continued on his way.
   I prepare to explain this to Mallika, but she has turned her back to me.
A fellow classmate chuckles.
   After the bell, Tamal stops me in the hallway.  Tamal and I have always
been friends, as far back as I can remember.  We have been toddlers
together.  Our mothers were best friends.  In our fathers' grief, we lost
touch with each other.
   Tamal is my age, but not as developed.  Quite scrawny, skin and bone. 
Yet, we are the same height.
   "Hini, meet me at the fort?"
   "Sure.  When?"
   "Saturday morning.  Please?"
   "I will be there."
   ***
   Saturday morning I meet Tamal at the fort, an abandoned building near
the woods.  As children we used this place as a playhouse.  It has seen use
as the belly of a great ship, the cellar of a grand house, and a temple for
secret societies.
   The last game Tamal and I played here, we called it the fort.  The name
stuck, became our code for a place that everyone knew about.
   Tamal appears upset with me.  "What is this I hear?  You are going on
dates with a senior?  What does your father think?"
   He doesn't know?  "He's okay with it."
   "I am not.  I never see you anymore." Tamal pulls me into a hug.  "I
miss you."
   "You see me every day.  We have two classes together." I wriggle out of
his embrace.
   He pulls me back, but does not crush me again.  "That's not what I
miss."
   I grin.  Yes, well, as for Tamal's opinion on my vagina, I am also not
aware.  I allowed him to see my breasts plenty.  We were young and he was
curious, also, I liked his massages.  They made my sore boobs feel nice.
   Tamal is fascinated by my breasts.  See?  I would know if Palash felt
the same.
   "We are still friends, Tamal.  If you want to see me, say so.  Stop this
nonsense.  You have asked me here, and I came."
   "And Palash?  Has he seen you?"
   "No." Not in years.
   Tamal grins, he bobs his head as if he has won a victory.
   In a way, he has.  I open my blouse so that he can see my breasts.  They
are a good size, bigger than most women, never mind the girls in school.  I
set my white blouse aside.
   He stares.
   I shrug out of my undershirt.  It fits tight, works in place of the bras
I cannot afford.  My cheeks flush with warmth.  He did not stare so hard
the last time.  When I am topless, he moves me closer to the shaft of
sunlight.
   "Mahina, you are the most beautiful woman in the universe.  I would
worship you as my goddess." Seconds of silence.  "Beautiful," he breathes.
   I blush.  I am flattered.
   "May I touch you?"
   I nod.  His touch is soft, reverent.  It would be nice to be his
goddess. I brace on the wall as he sucks on my nipples.  Tamal has never
done this before.  No man has.  I take a deep breath and hold it to avoid
moaning.
   Perhaps I have missed him too.
   ***
   Another date with Palash.  I think on the way Mallika looked at my
chest, the way Tamal adored me.  Would Palash?
   After our date, I ask if Palash would like to feel my breasts.
   "Yes?" He says with a chuckle.
   Perhaps Mallika had the right idea after all.
   I return home with a smile, and more, as my father, Devin, is quick to
point out.
   "Mahina."
   "Sir?"
   "Fix your blouse."
   I look down.  The buttons are haphazard.  I undo it from the bottom,
searching for my mistake.
   He looks at the clock.  It is only six.  "Where have you been?"
   I look down the hallway.  Is my sister home?  This is not something I
would want her to hear.
   He waves me closer, and I stand next to him at the kitchen counter.
   "I let Palash see my chest."
   My father thinks on this.  "And what did Palash show you in return?"
   How the scrape of teeth feel on my nipples.  I do not think my father
means for me to tell him this.  "Nothing.  I have seen him before."
   "I did not know the two of you still played together."
   "Um, not really.  Not for years.  But we have been talking more."
   "Ah, many changes since then." My father glances to my blouse.
   I think my face will burst into flame.  I put my cool fingers to my
cheeks.
   "Be careful, Hini." He leans over.  His lips press to my forehead. 
"Some boys want to do more than look.  You must take caution."
   "Yes, daddy."
   "Go on."
   I hurry to my room, shaken and disoriented.  I collapse on my bed with a
smile.
   I enjoy the boys who do more than look.
   ***
   Palash and I have another date.  He takes me to dinner and we drive out
to the lake.
   This time we kiss as he touches my breasts.  I have not kissed many
boys. I do not know if I am doing it right, but I enjoy it.
   Eventually my lips hurt and we must stop.
   He takes me home.  He seems more nervous around me than I do around him.
It is a strange side to him, but I enjoy it.
   ***
   Tap tap tap.
   I sit up in bed.  From pale street light I make out the outline of
Tamal's scrawny body.
   I crawl to the foot of my bed and pull up the window.  "Tamal."
   "How was your date?" He whispered.
   "You come to my window at this hour for gossip?"
   "Can I come in?"
   I look over my shoulder.  Music streams from my sister's room.  I pop
the screen and help him inside.
   I tell him about my date.  Tamal seems pleased that Palash has not gone
further.  Our conversation continues for a while.  Catching up with him
lightens my soul.  I regret we have not spoken more.
   "Can I see you again?" Tamal whispers.
   I take off my night shirt and he coaxes me to lay on my side.  I am
anxious to have his mouth on my breasts, but I say nothing.  He plays with
them, running his fingers along the swollen curves, pushing on my nipple.
   He shifts closer and I put my hand behind his head.
   I turn my face to the pillow.  Is this what a mother feels while nursing
her children?  No.  It cannot be possible.  Babies do not have the ability
to do such things with their lips and tongue.
   Tamal enjoys touching me, not just my breasts.  His hands roam my arms,
back, and legs.  One hand is always full of my other breast.  When his hand
runs up the inside of my thigh, I correct his course.
   When I touch myself there I have all manner of thoughts, feelings,
desires.  My mind goes to places of decadent fantasy.  I worry that if
another person touches me there, I will be subject to that person's
fantasy, that person's whim.
   I am not sure what lies in Tamal's head.
   I tug on his shorts.  "I will touch you."
   Tamal whimpers on my tit and loosens his shorts.  I like the little
noises he makes, but I caution him to keep quiet.
   When Tamal is gone, I allow my pussy relief.  One hand rubs my breast,
the place where Tamal bit me as he came.  It aches, but I enjoy the
lingering sensation.  I stroke myself to a quick, strong orgasm.
   The feeling is euphoric, spiritual.
   ***
   I touch myself often.  Somedays I want it so much that I make myself
climax several times in a day.
   Today I am on the couch with my father.  The movie on television is not
that interesting.  Things blow up, people get shot, but I do not care.  I
am so wet that arousal slides between my butt cheeks.
   I reach between my legs, thinking this one will be quick.  I cannot move
much because my leg rests over my father's.  Slow, teasing movements, but
too late I realize my mistake.  This will not be quick or quiet.
   Perhaps I want him to catch me?  Maybe I'd like him to fuck me, lick me,
to make me feel better?
   I fail to keep quiet or still.  I roll onto my belly with a shudder. 
The orgasm ends but shame washes in to take its place.  What have I done?
   My father's hand rests on my calf, his thumb caresses me.
   I turn my head the slightest bit to catch a look at his face.  He is
watching the movie.
   "Anisa is coming up the drive," he says.
   I regain my position on my side, my head resting on the cushion.  Hand
out of my wet crotch.  I wipe the moisture up with the inside of my shirt,
tuck it under my head.
   Anisa, my sister, walks in and barely pays us notice.
   Devin leans down and pecks me on the cheek.  His breath tickles my ear
as he says, "You must learn to keep that to your room, Mahina.  How do you
expect me to concentrate with you doing that?"
   "Sorry.  I tried to keep still."
   He hums and laughs to himself.
   What was so funny?
   ***
   Father is working late.  Palash did not schedule a date with me.  I am
alone.  Music and laughter from my sister's room.  I hear the voices of two
different boys.
   Coughing.  Laughter.  One sounds much older than a 'boy.'
   I knock on her door.
   More giggles, my sister's harsh whisper.
   Anisa opens her door and yanks me inside.  The room smells of alcohol
and something else.  It tickles my nose.  They are drunk and high.
   I struggle to escape her grasp.  She has a good hold on me.
   "Nosey girl.  What do you want?"
   "What are you doing?" I inspect the items on the desk.  Glass pipes,
lighter, small bags.
   The man is old enough to be our father's friend.  He is heavy set, round
shoulders and a slight swell to his belly.  "What's your name?"
   "Mahina.  And you are?"
   "He is none of your business," Anisa hissed.
   "Bhavin," the man said with a smirk.
   The other guy looked to be Anisa's age, perhaps a few years older.  "My
name is Shay."
   "You are both going to feel like idiots." Anisa tugs on my shorts, but I
am quick and keep them up.
   "What are you doing?  Stop!" I run but she catches me and works her hand
into the waistband.
   "Let them see that jungle."
   "Stop!  Stop it!"
   The guys laugh as we fight.  I have tears in my eyes, but I can see well
enough to bite her.
   "Ow!  Fuck!  Get the fuck out!"
   I scramble to get away.  At the top of my lungs, I scream, "I'm going to
tell!"
   Anisa opens her door and I take several steps toward my room.  "You
won't say a word.  If you do, I'll tell daddy about that street-boy you let
sneak into your room at night.  Bet you haven't told that, have you?"
   How did she know?  "Tamal is my friend."
   Anisa giggles and slams her door shut.
   ***
   I check the mirror for scratches or bruises.  I do not find any that I
would have to explain.
   Soft tap on the door.
   It is the college-aged boy that called himself Shay.  He steps inside my
room.
   I palm the tears from my cheeks, wipe my eyes.  "I do not want to play
your games.  Please leave."
   Shay put a finger to his lips and glanced over his shoulder.  "I'm here
to make peace.  Promise."
   "What do you want?"
   "What was she trying to show us?  I'm curious."
   "You've never seen a girl before?"
   Shay smirks revealing the dimple in his left cheek.  "No two are alike.
No touching.  Promise."
   If he breaks his promise, my sister is down the hall.  We fight, but she
would not let someone hurt me.  This is my home, my bedroom.
   I feel safe with him only looking.  I point to the door.
   He pushes it shut.
   "Sit there." I take my clothes off - top and bottom.  Scanning my room
for an appropriate place, I use my bed.  I prop my feet up and spread my
legs.
   Shay is the first boy in a long time that has seen my pussy.
   "Wow." I feel his breath on my thigh.
   "Don't touch me!" I warn in a rush.
   "I promise, Mahina.  Hold it open?"
   What did that have to do with my hair?  My sister called it a jungle,
but I have trimmed it down a lot.
   I reach between my legs and part my outer labia.  I tug on the fleshy
top part and pull back the skin around my clitoris.
   Each time Shay breathes on me, I want to say the opposite, to contradict
myself.  I do not know how much longer I can resist.
   "Thank you." He stands and extends his hand.  "You are very beautiful,
Mahina."
   I accept his hand and reach for my clothes.  I need to get myself
covered before I do something stupid.  "Thank you."
   When he leaves my room I finish myself off, rubbing hard until I come.
Then I start over, and then, before I go to sleep, I give myself a third
orgasm.  Shay is in all my fantasies.
   -_ 2 _-
   The school morning is mundane, no surprises.  I prefer my studies to be
this way.  After lunch, Mallika seeks me out in the hallway to ruin my day.
   She asked to date Palash, and he turned her down.
   Somehow this is my fault.
   I get cola thrown in my face.  None of it ruins my books, but I have
brown stains down my clothing.
   Tamal sneaks into the girl's bathroom to help me clean up.
   "It is not my fault who does or does not like her." I cannot help but to
cry.
   "People like her think they would have a better chance if they had no
competition.  In her mind, if he did not ask you, he would ask her."
   "Pfft."
   The door swings open and the hall monitor walks inside.  "What is going
on here?"
   "I spilled soda," I push on Tamal's shoulder.  "Go."
   "I was just helping," he mumbles as he makes for the exit.
   I hold my breath until he is out the door.  I do not want Tamal
disciplined for helping me.
   "Get to the nursing office and get a shirt." The monitor slid out of his
jacket.  "Put this on first."
   ***
   Shay is in college.  He has been Anisa's boyfriend for six months.  He
calls her a decent party girl.  What girl would not like parties?
   Anisa is not home, but I invite Shay inside to wait for her.  We talk in
the living room.
   I ask, "Who was the other guy?"
   "Bhavin?  Oh, he's my roommate and good friend.  He's an excellent party
guy."
   "Oh.  It is nice that you bring your friend with you to parties."
   "Yeah," Shay chuckles.  "It sure is.  Is she always mean to you like
that?"
   "Not everyday.  We're sisters, so fighting happens.  What she did was
very rude, but I cannot get her in trouble for it."
   "That friend of yours you've been sneaking in?"
   I sigh heavily.  "Yes.  We have been friends since children.  We do
nothing wrong." The image of him sucking on my tits comes to mind, but
that's not wrong.  Nursing nothingness from my breasts seems to do Tamal a
world of good.
   "Your secret is safe with me." Shay reached for his pants and adjusted
his erection.
   "May I see it?"
   "If I take it out, I'll want you to touch it."
   "Is that safe?" I frown at him.
   "Safe?"
   "When I touch myself I go all crazy and want lots of weird stuff."
   "That's just fantasy.  No harm in that.  I'd have a lot of great fantasy
happening if you touched me."
   I sit closer to him and wait for him to take it out.
   Both my hands dance over his cock, working under his direction.  I get a
good look at it.  His is so pale.  I can see his veins and arteries.  He
does not have skin that comes over the top.
   Every body is different, I remind myself.
   "Want me to teach you a trick?" Shay whispers.
   The sound of his voice causes my belly to flutter.  I stare at his cock,
my upper palm circles the head as I was taught.
   "When you get a guy like this, touching him.  There's a way to satisfy
him without taking your clothes off."
   Shay takes my finger and sucks it between his lips.  I study the motion
of his tongue, the way it flicks the pad.  I do not think of his cock as he
does this.  The swish and twist of his tongue would work magic on my pussy.
   "You want me to put it in my mouth?"
   "No.  I'm sure you'll figure it out on your own."
   I've never taken a man's penis in my mouth, and I don't on that day. 
But I think about it a lot, especially while masturbating.
   Shay leaves prior to Anisa's return.  I do not tell her of his visit.
   ***
   Tamal and I hog the table at Gibson Park for our card game.  It is a
warm day.  Several people converge on the playground.  The older teens
stick to the parking lot around their cars.
   "I know you have a boyfriend," Tamal says.
   A guy walks by on his phone, yells for his children.
   "But?" I prod him along.
   "I want more." The words come out in a rush.  "I love you so much.  I
know I have nothing to give you, no reason."
   Our card game continues.  Tamal appears to be struggling with his words,
so I play on in silence.
   "I dream of you." He wipes his head and seems to shrink on his side of
the table.
   "When I'm ready, you'll be the first to know.  As a friend, okay?"
   His face lit up like the glowing sun, but my attention is divided.  Shay
is here.
   Tamal follows my line of sight.  "Who is that?"
   "A friend of Anisa's.  She tried to pants me in front of him.  So, to
get back at her, he's been sending her videos of himself with other women."
   "You?"
   I shake my head.  Shay had a phone in his hand when he asked to see me,
but given Anisa's rant, he didn't send it to her.  I worry about him having
me on a video.
   I worry more that I like him.
   Something a friend should know.  "I touched him though."
   Tamal stares at me.
   "Yes.  There."
   His expression hardens.  "What else?"
   "He talked about taking," I lower my voice, lean over the table to him.
Tamal lowers his gaze, but I know he is still listening.  "Putting it in my
mouth."
   "Did you?"
   I shake my head.  I wouldn't want to mess up when I did.  "May I try
with you?"
   Tamal nods.
   I smile.  I have not realized it until this moment, but he is my true
best friend.  I kiss his cheek.  "Thanks."
   ***
   I am in the bathroom brushing my teeth.
   Yesterday, I sucked Tamal's cock.  It was neither scary nor gross.  In
fact, I enjoyed it.  Tamal went breathless giving me instruction.  He
spilled his seed on my breasts.
   My father enters the bathroom with me.  He flips the switch for the fan,
but leans on the door, his large arms folded over his chest.
   I frown at him in the mirror then rinse my mouth.  His expression is one
of disappointment.  My chores were done.  I have done well in school.  None
of instructors have complained.
   "Who is the boy sneaking into your room at night?"
   Oh.  There is that.
   "Tamal."
   "Only Tamal?  Or are there more?"
   I face him instead of looking at him through the mirror.  I know the
cause for my troubles now.  That sneaky bitch, Anisa.  "Only him."
   "And what are you doing with him at such a late hour in your room.  Do
not say nothing, Mahina.  I do not have the patience for lies tonight."
   "It is different each night." I do not want to tell him, but I do not
want to lie.  I love my father.  I boost myself to sit on the counter.
   He stands in front of my knees.
   "Most nights we talk, honestly, daddy.  Sometimes, most of the time, he
likes to suck on my breasts until he is sleepy.  But," tears sting my eyes.
I will get in trouble for this.
   Anisa was at the park that night.  We didn't want to be in the fort
after dark, so I snuck into her car.  An unfortunate series of events led
to our discovery, post-lesson, but I made all manner of pleas for her not
to tell.
   I whisper to lessen the impact.  "I took him in my mouth."
   "Do you know what you are becoming young lady?"
   "I'm sorry, daddy." I sob into my hands, but through my fingers, I see
the outline of my father's penis.  It has thickened.
   "No, Mahina.  I do not believe you are sorry."
   "I am sorry that I did not tell you myself." I wipe my eyes.  "I think
Tamal was a good teacher.  He taught me a lot.  I am not sorry to have
learned."
   He sighs heavily.  "Good night."
   "Daddy." I grab his wrist and hop down from the counter to relocate on
the toilet.  I tug on his wrist.  "May I show you?"
   He does not answer.  I tug on his sleep pants, they fall.  He is not
erect, standing at attention as Tamal had been.  I take my father's cock
into my mouth and suck him eagerly, using everything I learned.
   It is hard to gauge his reaction with my ears due to the fan.  He says
nothing.  He makes no sound.  I cannot see his face around the swell of his
belly.  And yet, he lengthens my mouth.  His hand rests on my shoulder.
   When he comes, I do what I could not with Tamal.  I swallow him.  I
think mimicking the experience of being inside something warm should not
end too abruptly after climax.  Both Shay and Tamal spoke of it as a
wonderful feeling, being inside a woman.
   When my father finishes, he pulls back.  His thumb brushes my cheek. 
"Discretion, Mahina.  You will need to learn this." A kiss to my forehead,
then he pulls up his pants.  "Brush your teeth again and go to bed."
   He leaves me in the bathroom.
   I rub myself to orgasm over the toilet.
   I had no idea what I was becoming.  I knew that I enjoyed how it made me
feel.
   ***
   Palash asks me out on another date.  I go to the market and look in the
clearance racks for a dress.  He has seen all of my nice ones.  Many of my
long-favorites fit too tight.  I decide on my standard oversized button
down blouse and undershirt.  I do buy a nice skirt.
   Palash picks me up in his car.  "You are beautiful tonight," he says.
   Dinner is wonderful.  There are cloth napkins folded around gleaming
silverware.  We share each dish, the naan, our marsala, and a tall glass of
ice cream and syrup.  This is our best date yet.
   Palash is very knowledge about school and teachers.  I ask him all about
his classes and applying to colleges.  Twice, I make him laugh, and he
often smiles.
   After dinner, he takes me to a park, not Gibson.  This one is empty and
in a neighborhood I have never seen.
   We move to the backseat and make out.  I sit in his lap as he kisses me.
His hands are cool as they slip under my shirt, but soon warm.  His grip on
my breasts are a little rough, but I don't mind.
   I do mind that his hands wander too far up my skirt.  I thought he would
keep to my thighs, but he moves a little higher each time.
   Time to see if I've learned anything of value.  I back out of his lap
and take out his cock.  Palash's head rolls back and other than pawing my
breasts, he does not try to touch my pussy.
   He is smaller than I expect, but it means I am able to play with him
more, put him deeper in my mouth.
   I collect his spent seed in my hand and wipe it off on my undershirt. 
"How was that?"
   "Nice." He has a wary look.  What is he afraid of?
   "Would you like me to do it again?"
   "Are you going to want me to do you back?"
   I shake my head, but the idea has merit.
   My answer appears to relax him.  Palash grabs the back of my head and
lowers me into his lap.
   It takes him longer to spend the second time.  My jaw aches.
   Palash drops me off, but this time he does not kiss me good night.  This
is fine.  I am tired and need the rest.
   ***
   I get into bed and lie on my belly, legs spread, my hand warming under
me.
   My bedroom door creaks.
   Shay kneels beside my bed.
   "What are you doing in here?!" I yell as loud as a whisper will allow.
   Shay put his finger to his lips.  "Anisa is sleep." He lifts the
blanket. "Do you always sleep naked?"
   "Yes." My clitoris is on fire, begging for me to touch it.  It has been
wet and dripping since my date with Palash.
   Shay leans forward and kisses me.  His lips are warm and touch is
tender. He smells delicious.  "Been thinking a lot about you." He mumbles.
   I turn onto my side, but he puts me on my back, fondles my breasts.  One
hand moves down to touch my pussy.
   "Please don't." My eyes water.  I should not let him do this, and yet I
want him so much.
   "Why not?"
   "No one has ever touched me there."
   "An even better reason." His fingers slide down my slit.  I muffle my
cry in the crook of my arm.
   "I told you," I whimper, gasp, "what happens."
   He keeps rubbing and I am driven wild with desire.  He does not do
everything right, but it is enough to get me off.  His fingers enter my
pussy.
   I hiss as all the good feelings are undone.  I grab my pillow to muffle
my sounds of distress.
   "Shit, sorry," he hushes me and holds me close.  "I'm sorry.  I thought
you were lying.  Please.  Shhh.  Hey.  I'll make it better, Mahina. 
Promise.  Shit, shit, shit.  Mahina, please forgive me."
   I pull the pillow tucked to my face away so that I can breathe.  Why
won't he go away?
   He ducks under the covers, pulls my legs apart.
   The next time I scream into the pillow, it is not because of pain.  His
tongue is nothing like my finger.  He reaches and caresses spots I had not
thought to touch.
   I see music and hear stars.  My body drips with sweat, and I smother
myself with the pillow as he brings me to orgasm.
   Trembling, tired, floating.  Shay removes the pillow from my face and
straddles my chest.  He sets the pillow behind my head.  I am propped up,
facing his cock.
   "I won't take long.  Open your mouth."
   It is the least I can do, I think, for being shown such pleasure.
   He does not take long.  He tugs on my nipples as he uses my mouth. 
Though my mouth had been tired with Palash, I am refreshed.  I have learned
a lot since he took my finger in his mouth.  When he reaches his peak, he
pulls out, strokes himself.  I hold my breasts squished together as he
ejaculates.
   He sneaks out of my room as easily as he slipped in.
   Breathless, dazed.  I stare at the ceiling.  My heart should slow soon
enough.  My body, however, screams for more.
   I text Tamal.  "You awake?"
Tamal: "Yes."
   "Is it rape if you enjoy something?"
   "How can you enjoy something you do not want?"
   "If Mimi Henderson gave you a hummer, and you came, how would it make
you feel?"
   ...Tamal is typing.  "I think so.  Who did this to you?"
   "Anisa's boyfriend."
   "Which one?"
   "Shay."
   "Is it wrong I am more upset that I was not your first?"
   "I have not had a first."
   "?"
   "He licked me."
   Tamal sends fiery red anger emoticons.
   I chuckle as I create my next response.  "My window is open."
   I do not have to wait long.  Tamal enters my room like a prowling cat.
Zippers, shuffle of clothing.  He enters my bed and lies on top of me.  He
does something with his penis under the covers, then he takes my leg in his
hand.
   "Have you done this before?" I whisper.  "It hurt when he tried to put
his fingers in me."
   "Turn on your stomach."
   Once I do, he takes my hips and angles it upward.  His penis rubs up and
down my wet slit, swollen from its earlier activity, and yet hungry for
more.  Each time he hit my clitoris, I jerk back.
   "I have waited a long time for you.  I have been very patient.  I think
I would have killed him."
   "He's like twenty, Tamal.  I don't think you're a match for him."
   "I do not care." Tamal's voice is dark, more serious than I had ever
known him to be.  "I need you."
   I keep rocking my hips back, moving his penis where I want it.  It is a
long time before I notice that Tamal is not moving.  I do most of the work.
Strange, on my belly, like this.  He holds his cock in place as I work the
tip in and out of my lower folds.  I tell myself it is to get more moisture
on it, but this pleasure has its own quality.
   "More?" I chance the question, then hold my breath as he eases deeper. I
roll my hips, back and forth, adjusting to this new depth.  "Keep going." I
suppress my small grunt of discomfort.  It does not feel that good, but
there is not the same pain as earlier.
   I fist my hands into the sheets.  Sweat rolls down the side of my face.
   Tamal penetrates me, spreading me open.  My vagina aches.  We lay there
a while, his slim body resting over mine.  Elsewhere in the house, everyone
is sleep.  No one would know about this moment save for me and my best
friend.
   I grab Tamal's hand and kiss the back of it.  I am glad it is him.  I
cannot think of another who could take his place.
   "Did you find a dress for your date?" Tamal shifts his hips a little.  I
expect pain, but it is not that bad.
   "No.  Wore a skirt.  I am not sure why Palash dates me.  I am not sure
he likes me."
   "I think he is scared to like you."
   I frown.  Why would anyone be afraid of me?
   "I am not." Tamal reaches under my hips and places his fingers along my
clitoris.  He gets them slick with my juices, providing the perfect surface
to rub against.  "Better?"
   "Yes," I whimper.  Again, I am doing all the work, pushing back, rolling
forward, rocking on the bed, almost too much.  When the bed frame squeaks,
I must stop.
   Tamal breathes heavily to my back.  He shudders as if chilled, but sweat
drips from him as well.  He pulls out and it is then I see the condom.
   "Flush it," I mumble.  I am sleep before he leaves.
   ***
   Tamal's comment sticks with me.  At school, I approach Palash during
break and stand in his path.
   "Are you afraid of me?"
   Palash pulls me into his embrace.  I did not expect this.  The others
girls, seniors, glare at me.  "I have upset you." He lowered his voice. 
"Is it because I did not want to use my mouth on you?"
   "I told you.  I don't care about that." This lie doesn't sit well with
me, but I say it because I think it will make him feel better.
   "Those parts do not belong in the mouth, Mahina, no matter how good it
feels."
   On this, we are in severe disagreement.  I keep this to myself.
   "I adore you.  One day, I will make you my wife, but we must remain
chaste until that day."
   Okay.  Tamal got the whole scared thing completely wrong.
   I am scared.  The more I learn about Palash, the less I like him.
   Palash gives me a tight squeeze and pulls back with a smile.  "I'll walk
you to class."
   My confrontation has the opposite effect.  Now Palash likes me more.
   ***
   My sister Anisa is beautiful, her body's proportions are more uniform
than my own.  She puts on ten pieces of clothing to make a single outfit,
and she does it well.  When she applies her makeup she enhances the beauty
of her face.
   Bhavin picks her up.
   I settle onto the couch with my bowl of grapes and watch a movie on
television.
   Ten minutes later, a knock on the door.
   Shay.
   "She is not home."
   "I know where she is.  I'm here to see you."
   Shay has light colored eyes, grayish blue.  It is easy to get caught in
them, as I have just done.  The appropriate thing to do is close the door,
but I stare into his eyes and think about his tongue.  Though he'd hurt me,
he also made everything feel better.
   "What do you want?" I am nervous, my finger picks at the end of my
shirt.
   He steps inside and closes the door.  "Let's go to your room." He winks
at me and flicks his tongue out.
   I clean up my area of the living room and lead him to the bed.
   His tongue is more magical than I remember.  I am able to watch him this
time.  His slate blue eyes drift shut.  My outer labia cover his top lip.
When I orgasm, I try not to crush him with my thighs.
   Shay stands and pulls a condom from his jeans pocket.  "I'll take you
slow.  It won't hurt too much.  I promise."
   It is a promise I know he will keep.  His penis is thicker than Tamal's.
I am half tired from my orgasm, but I think back to the night Tamal helped
me.  I must remember to tell him when to go further.
   He climbs on top of me and I take hold of his hips.  I am eager to have
him deeper, but do not want him to know I have already done this before.  I
bury my face to his chest, mesmerized as he delves into me.
   "Keep going," I suck on his neck, bare down, but I do not bite.
   Before he is in all the way, Shay strokes my clitoris.  I forget about
his cock as another orgasm approaches.  After I cool for a minute, he
starts up again.  I have another orgasm while he is doing all the work. 
The bed frame rocks and it does not matter.  We do not have to stop.
   I cling to him, my arms around his chest, legs around his waist.
   Shay grunts and groans as he reaches his orgasm.  We lay staring,
grinning, breathing hard.  It does not need to be said that we have enjoyed
each other.
   "Get on your hands and knees." Shay fishes another condom out of his
pants.
   I teach him, (could we try something?), how to wet his fingers and hold
it to my clitoris while he fucks me from behind.
   He does this until his phone chimes.  He must leave.  I am not upset to
see him out.  My body is exhausted.
   I draw a warm bath and grin until my cheeks hurt.
   ***
   When Tamal stops by, I tell him everything.
   Lying naked on my bed, legs and arms spread, I confess my growing
adoration for Shay.  I detail each time he made me orgasm.  Tamal plays
with my breasts as he listens.  Occasionally he reaches down to tug on his
cock.
   "Do you like him better than me?"
   "It is not a competition, Tamal."
   "How did he do it?" As he says this while straddling my chest, I know
what he wants.
   I fold my pillow and tuck it under my head.  I gather the sides of my
breasts and create a valley for his cock.
   He rocks his penis a few times, adjusts my hands to create a flesh
tunnel.  I hold my breasts tight enough that his foreskin is held in place.
I lick the tip and he flinches.
   "It's really sensitive.  Keep your mouth open." He pumps his hips.
   This is how Anisa finds us.  I did not hear the front door open.  I did
not hear my bedroom open.  My mind had been focused on keeping a good
pressure with my boobs, holding my mouth right.
   I dress in a hurry while Tamal scrambles.
   My father comes into the room with a stern look on his face.  "Get out
of my house."
   Tamal runs, ducking to avoid possible violence.
   I am not dressed.  I hold my robe to my body, but I have no defense for
my actions.
   Devin kicks my door shut.  Anisa's giggle fades as she walks down the
hall.  He paces the floor and yells at me.  His voice is very loud.  I cry
and tremble with shame.  As he continues with his lecture, he lies, says
that he is appalled, that he never would have thought I'd do something like
this.
   His yelling is for Anisa.
   I wipe my cheeks dry.  His harsh words have less effect.
   "For this, you must be punished."
   For real?
   My father sits on my bed and pulls me over his lap.  He snatches my robe
away and tosses it on the floor.  I am naked in his lap, my tits squished
on the bed.
   When he smacks my ass, I yell, though his blows are not too hard.  As it
continues, he smacks me harder.  True tears soak into my bed.  This has
begun to hurt, but I know I must take this spanking.
   While I am sniffling, his fingers slide up and down my slit.  I go very
still as he takes my clitoris between his wet fingers.  My mind floods with
images.  Being fucked, spanked, told I am a bad girl.  Shay's tongue. 
Tamal's cock.  My father's hand.
   "It is much bigger now," he whispers.
   I nod, sniffle.  I pull the blanket to wipe my face.  I arch my ass up,
widen my legs.  If my father wants to fuck me, I will let him.  His hands
do not leave my pussy.
   My butt pulses with warmth from his blows along with my clitoris from
his caress.  The two sensations combine and put me on a cloud.  I knew I
needed to be quiet, but my pussy sounded so loud.
   "Daddy," I whisper, my breath hitches.  "Please don't stop daddy."
   He doesn't.  I hold my breath and writhe as I climax.  It doesn't stop.
Everything feels so good.
   I cry again, panting and whimpering though nothing hurts.  Everything
feels perfect.
   "Hush, Mahina.  You cannot help yourself.  Come here." He pulls my head
into his lap.  I am ravenous for his cock.  I want to suck him dry.  I
attack him with my mouth.  I have more experience now and am eager to show
it, to thank him for the good orgasm.
   He tucks me into bed and leaves me with a kiss on my forehead.
   When he turns out the light, I see the outline of Tamal's face outside
my bedroom window.
   I pretend I have not seen him.  My ass still stings, but the pain's
afterglow brings as much comfort as pleasure.
   -_ 3 _-
   Tamal and I see still each other, but we do not speak about that night.
We act as if it never happened - other than he does not enter my window
anymore.
   When Palash asks me on a date, I make an excuse.  I ask Tamal if I can
visit him.  I cannot get in trouble if I am not around for my sister to spy
on.
   He shakes his head.  "I have an appointment."
   I do not know if he lies or tells me the truth.  Either way, I take his
answer in silence.
   "You are welcome to join me, but it is very strange."
   My smile is so large, my cheeks ache.  "I do not mind strange, Tamal.  I
will go with you."
   That evening Tamal picks me up.  It is a well-used car, but new to
Tamal. He is proud of it.
   "Did you get a job?" I say with wonder.  It smells of mildew and the
seats are worn in spots, but it drives well.
   "Sorta." He does not give any further details.  Mostly we talk about his
adventure finding a vehicle.
   Instead of going into town, he pulls onto a dirt road.  The cars shifts
and rattles until we pull in front of a house.
   "Where is this place?"
   "His name is Sergei.  If it is too strange," he set his keys in my palm.
"Go to the car.  I will not be upset."
   Nervous and confused, my heart rate increases.  I shrug out of my
jacket.
   Sergei is an older man with bits of gray in his light brown hair.  He
has thin pink lips, and an expression that holds both severity and
kindness. "I see you have brought a friend."
   "Yes, sir, this is Mahina.  Mahina, Sergei."
   Sergei leads us to a small lounge.  He pours a drink for Tamal and gives
him an oval-shaped blue pill.  He pours a drink for me, ice water.  "Will
you join us tonight?"
   Tamal shakes his head.  I pretend not to notice.  I do not know what
will happen, but there is fear in his eyes.
   "No."
   "Tamal, undress." Sergei speaks firm, but to me, his tone is soft.  "I
have heard much about you, Mahina."
   "You have?" My shock is genuine.  I never heard Tamal speak of this man
before.
   He guides me to another room, a round, cushioned chair with wheels. 
"Have a seat here.  Once I begin, I insist that you remain quiet.  If you
have trouble, leave the room.  You do not require my permission." He walked
over to a bench and tapped his toe to a change in the tile.  "Do not cross
this line."
   I sit in my chair and nod.  This is strange, but not too much.
   Tamal enters the room naked.  They speak in hushed tones.
   Sergei leaves a moment.  I do not know if he has begun, so I say nothing
to Tamal.  His cock is getting larger though he has not touched it.
   Sergei returns with an envelope in hand.
   Tamal checks its contents, nods, and places it with his clothes.  His
erect penis bobs as he walks.
   Sergei pours more water into my glass.
   'Thank you,' I mouth the words.
   He smiles broadly.  "Remember my rules."
   Be quiet.  Do not cross the line.  I nod.
   Tamal lies on the bench.  Padded straps hang from the bottom.  His
wrists and ankles secured.  Sergei steps on a pedal that lifts Tamal's
hips. His penis is still hard.
   Sergei says, "Can you move anything other than your head or hips?"
   Tamal tugged and rocked.  Sergei adjusted the straps.
   "Excellent." Sergei fondles Tamal's scrotum.  "How long since you came?"
   "Four days."
   I could have helped him with that if I had not gotten into trouble. 
Even so, we could have used the fort.
   Sergei massaged Tamal's thighs.  "Was it hard?"
   "Yes, very."
   Sergei smiles at me.  "I bet."
   His smile is so sweet that I cannot help but return it.  And yet, I am
more terrified.  Tamal stressed how sensitive a scrotum was to a man. 
Sergei tugged and squeezed on Tamal's nuts.
   What is he about to do?  I open my mouth, but do not speak.  Sergei had
been very strict about this.  I sip a bit of my water and keep my questions
to myself.
   Nothing escapes his notice.  Sergei grins at me while caressing Tamal's
cock.  He pulled up and down on his foreskin, exposing the sensitive flared
tip.  Sergei played with Tamal, inspected him.  His actions did not appear
designed for Tamal's release.
   Seated near Tamal's feet, I have a great view of his dark scrotum, the
dark crease of his ass.
   "Remember, long deep breaths.  Relax your muscles."
   Tamal's dick twitches.  He gasps as if taking air for the first time. 
Sergei rubs his thumb lightly across the tip causing Tamal to groan.  The
older man's fingers curl around Tamal's rigid shaft and squeeze.  Sergei
brings his fist up, down, up, and down.  Slow and firm.
   Tamal whimpers.  The straps dangling from his limbs sway.
   Sergei leans between his legs, but not to take his cock.  He examines
each ball and hums.  "If you come tonight, it will be a big one."
   Tamal's reaction is immediate.  He thrashes, yanks on his straps.
   What is going on?  Must Tamal be silent as well?  Why is he to eager to
have this man get him off?  What kind of place is this?
   I am confused and frightened, enough that I would leave if I did not
also feel strapped to my seat, glued to the action before me.  I squirm as
liquid pools in my panties.
   Sergei teases Tamal to the point of tears.  Each tear rolls back to his
ears.  Sergei uses a broad, round brush on Tamal's thighs, balls, shaft,
but not the tip.  Sergei switches to a soft-bristled art-brush, paints up
and down the underside of Tamal's cock, spreading the thin liquid seeping
out the top.
   Tamal twists and contorts his body.  The veins on his forehead rise in
sharp relief.  His fists open and close rapidly.  He pumps his narrow hips
into nothing.  Fucking the air provides Tamal no relief, only more torture.
His breath comes in grunts.  The brush moves to the sides of his shaft, up
and down with almost imperceptible strokes.  It is enough pressure to make
his body beg.
   My friend sounds to be in great agony, but his wounded cries and primal
grunts make my clitoris throb with heat.
   This is indeed strange, but I have no more desire to leave.
   The end of Tamal's dick has become very deep red, almost a purple hue.
He twists and turns in desperate frustration, held captive by the
restraints.
   I glance to the clock.  Half an hour has elapsed since Sergei began. 
Tamal appears exhausted from struggling.  His tears come faster.  All this
time, he has not said a word.  Nothing restrains his mouth.  I have heard
him sob, scream, pant, moan, grunt, but not a single plea formed of words.
   A new sound comes from him, a low, guttural growl that raises the hairs
on my arms and legs.  This is not a sound that should come from a fifteen
year old boy.
   "Ah, he is very close now." Sergei curls his fingers, beckoning me. 
"Watch."
   I stand, but keep one hand on the chair.  I feel woozy, as if drunk or
dizzy.
   Sergei slides his hand up Tamal's cock and squeezes.  His pee-hole
opens, gurgles more liquid.  Sergei chooses a different, smaller, thin
brush.  He swirls the bristles into the hole.
   Tamal's eyes shut.  He makes little grunting sounds with each breath. 
He seems unconscious at this point.
   "Mahina, would you like to participate?" Sergei whispers to me.
   Though he is an arm's length away, his voice sounds as if it reaches my
ears alone.
   I want to masturbate, not writhe in agony.
   Sergei smirks and the smile widens.  Can he hear my thoughts?  It seems
as if he knows exactly what I am thinking.
   "If you can be careful not to touch him or speak to him, undress, bring
your chair closer, and bring yourself relief."
   Torture Tamal more?
   I pull off my shirt.  I know he gave me water, but I feel as if I am
drugged.  This moment feels bendy, soft.  I ease the chair over.  Tamal's
eyes are glued to my body.
   I sit outside the line I am not to cross, but well-within Tamal's line
of sight.  His gaze shifts between my breasts and my pussy.  I pull my
labia open.  My clitoris kisses the cool air.
   "If you resist touching yourself," Sergei says.  "I will make it better
for him."
   Better how?
   Air rattles from my lungs.  I want to touch myself, run my finger along
the side of my clitoris.  So strange and odd that though my pussy aches to
be touched by my hand, and I do not.
   I see now how I participate in his torture and experience one of my own.
   Tamal fastens his gaze on my pussy.  Is he thinking about fucking me? 
Will his imagination be enough to bring him over the edge?
   I tug and twist on my nipples.  Tamal whines, high and pitiful.  I find
that I enjoy this game.
   "Her pussy looks delicious," says Sergei.  "It looks warm, tight.  See
how she leaks?  I bet she would love to feel your cock inside her."
   Tamal jerks on the table.  I cannot see his cock anymore.  More of that
moisture Sergei spoke of drips down my pussy.
   "Shall I invite her up here to sit on your cock?  How far down would she
get?  Over the head?  Down to the root?" He laughs.  "Can you smell her
from here?  I do.  She smells," he takes a deep breath.
   I nearly moan.
   "I bet she tastes like heaven."
   Sergei's words are as effective as his tools.  Tamal moans, and this
time I echo him.
   "I would love to play with a pussy as beautiful as hers, Tamal."
   Remember to breathe, Sergei said.  I cannot breathe without whimpering.
I wonder what Sergei would do to my pussy, if he would find that I taste
like heaven, that I am warm and tight.  My thighs tremble.  My clitoris
pulses and jumps, screaming for my fingers.
   "How tight does she get when she climaxes?  I bet it is very tight." He
blows through his pursed lips and pulls another wounded cry from Tamal.
   My wounded cry is higher pitched.
   Sergei did not miss it.  I nearly abandoned the chair and ran out the
house - so strong was the feeling of being trapped, tied as securely as
Tamal, as needy and animalistic.
   I did not have the advantage of being tied down.
   I sucked on my bottom lip.  I needed to be quiet.
   Sergei winks and puckers his lips to blow me a kiss, then his tongue
emerged through those puckered lips, in and out.
   I am so dizzy.  I think I will fall off the chair.  I sit on my hands to
hold them in place.
   Sergei returns to his tools: brushes, wires, fabric.  Tamal appears to
be going insane.  His expression is one of primal madness.  Is this safe?
His whole body is a vision of agonizing sexual frustration.
   Sergei uses a bright green feather duster along Tamal's nipples, down
his belly, over his cock, then on his balls.
   The restraints creak.
   "Do you think, if I used this on your cock more, you would come?"
   He nods.
   Tamal is wrong.  The feathers swipe up and down his shaft.  Tamal bucks
and jerks, but he does not find enough friction to put him over the edge.
He slides deeper into his delirium.
   Sergei hums with a small smile.  His technique is methodical, light.
   My fingers go numb and I let more of my weight settle onto my hands. 
They must not move.
   "Have a look at this."
   I bring my legs together and roll the stool down.  I do not cross the
line.
   Sergei points to Tamal's balls.  The difference is stark.  His balls are
drawn high and tight, almost disappearing into his body.  His cock appears
thick and more veined.  The skin at the tip looks so tight that it might
split.  A near steady fount of liquid seeps from the tip and pools on his
stomach.
   Sergei stroked upward and added more to the pool.  Another stoke. 
Another.  The next one is excruciating in its slowness.  He releases
Tamal's shaft and steps away.  Tamal tosses his head back and forth,
drooling and growling.  His hips arch upward, trying to force his balls to
release its load.
   Sergei is a master of keeping Tamal on the brink of release.  He strokes
his cock again and again until the last possible moment.  Each time Sergei
withdraws with a look of pride and accomplishment.
   I fold my arms over my breasts to resist the throbbing need to stroke my
pussy.  I want to reach the conclusion denied to Tamal.  Though I am in
this chair, away from them, I feel manipulated, controlled, stroked to the
brink, begging to be pushed over.
   Sergei put oil into his hands, rubbed them briskly, then added more oil.
He places both oily, warmed hands onto Tamal's cock.  Given the jump of
Sergei's forearm muscles, he was squeezing his shaft.  When Tamal gets
close, Sergei formed a tight fist.  The head of Tamal's cock turns purple.
   "You are not my client, Mahina, but you have been a very good
participant.  As promised, I will reward Tamal.  I would like to unstrap
him and allow him to find his release within you.  Do you agree to this?"
   I nod prior to any thought on the matter.
   Sergei releases Tamal, but he does not whimper this time.  Tamal is very
quiet, his red, wet eyes are open and stare at me.
   Sergei guides me over to a bench.  I bend over it.  My cheek rests on
the cool surface.  He positions my hips in the air, legs apart, knees bent
on two cushions.
   "Before I let him go." Sergei places his hands on my back.  His thumbs
knead and massage around my lower spine.  "May I measure your clitoris in
its current state?"
   I nod.
   His touch is firm, clinical.  I do not feel anything cold or sharp near
my pussy.
   I cannot see behind me.  I do not turn to look.  Listening is enough,
each strap, the clink of the fasten hitting the bench.
   "Patience," Sergei snaps.
   Tamal's thighs feel damp.  He whimpers as his cock penetrates me.  A few
slow strokes then he becomes a rutting animal.  Several seconds of rapid
stroking until he screams.  He sucks a great lungful of air and roars like
a beast free of its cage.  When his orgasm ends, he is still stroking.
   Water droplets hit my upper back.  Sweat?  Tamal sniffles.  No, tears.
   "Good." Sergei pulls him away.
   For all that thrashing, it has done nothing for me.  Can I touch myself
now?  Can I talk?  I seriously need a moment, an hour, to myself.
   Tamal goes to the bathroom.  Sergei helps me up from the bench.
   "Do you do girls?" I ask.
   Sergei nods with that soft smile of his.  "Yes.  Do you wish to visit me
for money or for your own pleasure?"
   "Can I do both?"
   He pulls a card and drops it into a velvet bag.  "A gift."
   I peek inside the bag.  It is a glass cylinder, several inches long, not
too thick.  I pull the bag shut and tuck it into my purse.  "Thank you."
   "Clean it with hot water between uses.  It will last you a lifetime." He
hands me a piece of paper.  "Write your information here.  Call me when you
are interested."
   ***
   Palash and I have another date.  It is to a concert.  I enjoy the food,
the band, and the sights, but I am dulled by Palash and his over-affection,
and strangely, the lack of it.
   His talk of marriage has become more frequent.  While I listen to his
plans for our future, I feel that I am drifting away from him.
   We kiss, he touches my breasts.  I am glad when he decides to drop me
off at home.
   ***
   Tamal and I meet in the alley behind his apartment complex.  He comes
around the corner with a couple beers.
   We sit on the steps of a fire escape, nurse our beers, and talk.
   Our words are honest, hushed.
   "How long have you been going to him?" I ask.
   "Few times, more after I could not see you." He paused.  "Does he do
that to you often?"
   I know he speaks of my father.  "Twice, but not since that night.  I can
tell that he's thinking about it when he looks at me."
   "Because he gets hard?"
   I shake my head.  "He stares at my lips." I am happy that my father
enjoyed that moment as much as I did.  "You never told me about him, but he
seems to know about me."
   "I," Tamal turns the bottle to his lips.  "Early, I was able to get
myself off by calling your name."
   My eyes widen.  "Is that why you can't speak?"
   He nods.  "So, what happened afterward?"
   "You got dressed and took me home."
   "No, you and him.  Did he talk to you?"
   "Not much.  You seemed really frightened of him.  What's that about?"
   A group of adults stroll by.  I sip from my beer as they pass.
   "Each time I do not know what will happen to me."
   "He doesn't say?  I mean, you don't ask for it?"
   Tamal finishes his beer.  He reaches down, fishes out his cock, and
pisses in the bottle.  As he sets the bottle aside, I move to the lower
step.  He doesn't have to ask.  It is second nature, a natural part of our
friendship.  If we have a need, we seek each other to fulfill it.
   I kneel on his jacket between his legs and take his cock into my mouth.
   "He does what he wants and pays me.  If I say what I want, I make less.
I always think of you, always have, Mahina."
   Tamal is my friend and I care for him.  I take his cock into my mouth
because I want to make him feel good.  No frenzy, no hurry, no madness.
   "I love you, Mahina." He whispers, mumbles it under his breath.  When he
is ready, he spills into my mouth.
   I want to keep my friend close.  I swallow his seed.  Our interaction
has become much like my father's, a favor.  I suppose that makes it like
love.
   I wash him down with the last of my beer.
   Tamal looks like a man possessed.  He tucks himself away with sad eyes
and a small smile.
   I do not know how to answer that expression.
   ***
   Shay knocks on my bedroom door.  Anisa and my father's voice came from
the kitchen.
   I stare at him in question.
   "Meet me out front.  Let's go for a ride."
   No.
   I think the word, but my belly flutters, heart races.  I step into my
shoes and leave out my window.
   I think of Shay when I use the glass dildo.  I slide it in and out slow,
imagining his body on top of mine.  With him, I feel hope, arousal, wanting
- all without him touching me.
   Is that what Tamal feels when he looks at me?  Is that love?
   I walk down the street and Shay picks me up.  "Where are we going?"
   "Depends." He reaches over and takes my hand, but instead of placing it
on his cock, he holds my hand in his lap.  "Mahina, I want you."
   What about Anisa?  The thought is fleeting.  One girl doesn't need two
boyfriends.  "I would have to break it off with Palash."
   "Palash Patel?"
   "You know him?"
   "Yeah, a little.  He graduates this year, doesn't he?"
   I nod.  "You want me ...  for what?"
   "I want to fuck you, pamper you, bring you to my place, play with you. I
do not want to hide."
   "Palash does not make me feel the way you do."
   "Has he tried?"
   "He thinks it is dirty to use my mouth on him." I stare at him.
   "Then you'll be mine?"
   "Yes, I will."
   "Okay.  We're going to my place."
   ***
   I am thrilled to be with Shay.  The small apartment is nice.  It has the
biggest television I have ever seen.
   Shay pulls me into his embrace and kisses me, licks my lips.  We walk
and kiss our way to the bed.
   "I like you so much more than Anisa."
   I smirk.  I find it hard to believe, but comforting to hear.
   By the time we reach the bed, we are naked.  Shay lays with his head
between my thighs, his knees on either side of my face.  He laps at my
pussy, and I suckle his cock.
   Each of us tried to outlast the other.  Shay came first.  When he
recovered, he licked me some more.
   He crawls on top of me and fucks me slow the second round.  He holds my
breasts, sucks them, nibbles on my nipples.  I swallow.  The sensation is
euphoric.  I make little moaning sounds as his teeth pinch my breasts.
   Shay does very good things to my body.
   I did not see much else of Shay's house.  I spent most of our first date
in his bed.
   -_ 4 _-
   Early Spring.  Count down until Summer.
   It is the last bell.  I feel good about the week.  One more, then spring
break.  Last year that meant a lot of movie watching, chores, and sitting
in the park.
   I hope this one will be different.
   Mallika has a bulldog look on her round face as she approaches.  In
another life, perhaps we are best friends.  We seem to have similar tastes.
Unfortunately, in this life, I am her enemy.
   She smacks me, twice, one for each cheek.  Her statuesque physique burns
with rage.  Mallika is a big woman, broad, tall, strong.  I taste blood on
my tongue.
   "Do I have your attention, bitch?"
   I rub my stinging cheeks and nod.
   "What the fuck?"
   Wary, I look at her.  I don't understand the question.
   "Shay Reynolds?  Your sister's boyfriend!"
   "They are not together."
   "What the fuck are you doing with college meat?" Her question seemed
genuinely curious.
   "He came to me."
   "Maybe to get laid."
   I recall him on his back.  The way I straddled his cock, bounced until
my breasts flopped.  'That's it,' Shay whispered, his fingers dug into my
thighs.  'Ride my cock, girl.'
   The memory surfaces in my expression.
   "You're fucking him?!"
   Wasn't that obvious when I said we were together?
   Mallika sighs and shakes her head.  "Your sister said I should kick your
ass good.  I was thinking about it too.  I fucking hate you.  Freshman year
and you're jail bait."
   "Jail bait?"
   "Yeah, you dumb cunt.  Fucking him is going to put him in jail because
your father doesn't know how to raise anything but cum sluts.  You attract
perverts." Mallika flicks her hair back.
   "Palash is not a pervert."
   She spins on her heels.
   "He is chaste and kind.  He wept when I broke it off with him.  I
think." It is a chance.  My cheeks sting and burn.  I do not want more of
her attention.  "I think he would appreciate seeing a friend now."
   Mallika shakes her head, but seems less angry as she walks away.
   ***
   My left cheek swells on the walk home.  The right is only a little
puffy. I tongue the cut inside my left cheek, flip the tiny flap of skin up
and down.  It hurts.  My whole face throbs in time with my heart.  Tears
stream down my cheeks.
   Why did he ask to be with me if he could go to jail?
   When I make it home, I am locked out.  Several cars are parked along the
curb in the front.  I go around the house to my room, push on the window.
Locked.
   Back to the front door, peering in the windows.  Dim lighting inside. 
The door opens and I duck inside.
   "Hey?  Where are you going?"
   "That's her sister, dude.  Go get my shit."
   "Whatever."
   "What's wrong with you?" Anisa's voice, the last person I want to see.
   I walk faster to my room, but she stops me.  "I'm talking to you.  What
is this?" She pulls me into the bathroom.
   "I will be fine." In the process of speaking I catch the cut in my
mouth. The upwelling of tears is not emotional.
   Anisa smirks and takes out a bottle of peroxide and a bit of tissue. 
"Mallika catch up with you?"
   "She says we are sluts."
   "You definitely are." Anisa hands me a face cloth.  "You need to learn
boundaries.  You can't let any man walk up to you and fuck you.  No fucking
standards."
   I am glad when she finishes.  I retreat to my room, ball under the
blanket and cry.  Mallika, I understand, but what have a I done to anger my
sister?  She is older, prettier, more popular.  What have I done to her?
   I am still crying when my father comes into my room.
   I ball further under my blanket.
   He sits on the side of my bed, but he does not pull at my blankets or
call my name.  Curiosity has the best of me.  I pull the blankets back and
look at him.
   "I have two beautiful daughters.  One is fierce and prideful, but
brilliant and resourceful.  The other is shy and reclusive, but loving and
generous."
   I sit up.  I knew which one I was.
   "What has Anisa done?"
   "Shay wants to date me.  I said yes."
   "It is not your friend Tamal who makes you cry out so?"
   My eyes widen, and I slowly shake my head.  "He has not been back since
you told him to leave."
   "Ah, yes," he smiles and inspects my cheeks.  "You cut her pride." He
leans forward and kisses me on the head.
   "What did she say?"
   "They were lies to raise my ire.  I know you, Mahina.  You are
guileless, kind, and without malice."
   "Yeah, but Anisa always lies and it usually works.  She is your
favorite."
   "She requires more attention than you.  These things you do, when you
are with a man, do you feel sad afterward?"
   "No, father.  I feel very good.  Well, Palash was boring.  That's why I
stopped seeing him, and Shay wants to date me.  He makes me feel the best.
Mallika said that I'd get him in jail.  I don't want him to go to jail,
daddy."
   He shushes me and pulls me into his lap.  He wraps me in a big hug and I
rest my head on his shoulder - making sure my cheeks to do not touch him.
   "Does Shay respect you, Hini?"
   "I think so.  He's really nice."
   "All right," he kisses me on the nose.  "Then he will not get in
trouble. If he becomes mean or threatens you, tell me.  I am your father,
and I will always protect you."
   "Thank you." I put my arms tighter around him, never wanting to let go.
   "I have some medicine that will help with your cheeks.  Come." He says
this, but stands while I am on his hip.  He carries me down the hall, past
the living room where Anisa throws her party.  There is laughter, remarks
that I am a baby.
   I am happy to be my father's baby.
   ***
   I wake in my father's bed.  His arm is around my waist.  He snores, so I
slip out of bed and head to the kitchen.  Anisa's party has left a huge
mess, but it gives me something to do.
   I start in the living room, picking up, clearing trash.  I set up the
vacuum, but cannot run it until Devin wakes.
   I have finished in the kitchen when Anisa wakes.  She rubs her eyes and
frowns at me.  "What's this I hear about your snatch?"
   How would I know?  I shake my head.  What does she mean?
   She frowns at the fresh pot of coffee, then me.  She pours herself a cup
and slurps from it.  "This is good." The compliment is begrudgingly given.
   I finish cleaning up and watch a movie.  The rest of the week is boring.
It hurts to talk and I cannot suck penis, but Tamal stops by.  We do our
homework together and go for walks.  At the end of that walk I stand behind
him and put both my hands into his pants.  I stroke and caress him to
orgasm.
   Shay calls me later in the week.  "Want to come over?"
   "I cannot drive."
   "I'll pick you up, of course."
   "Okay."
   Bhavin is there when we arrive.  He smiles and gets up to hug me.  "Hey.
How have you been?"
   "Good."
   They order pizza and wings with four choices of sauces.  We chill on the
floor with pillows and blankets.  Music videos play on the large
television.
   Shay pulls me aside.  "He wants to see your pussy."
   I frown.  "Why?"
   "Why not?"
   "Does he want to touch me too?"
   "He might, but if he does, I'll make sure he doesn't hurt you, okay? 
Bhavin is a very good friend of mine."
   At first, I think to say no, but then I remember Anisa's pride.  She
would not like knowing I spent an evening with both of her former friends.
   I lay on the bed between them, a leg in each of their laps.  Bhavin's
erection touches my thigh.  Shay smiles as Bhavin looks closer.
   "This is uh," Bhavin glances to Shay.  "Nice."
   Enamored, I pull my pussy open so that he can see more.  Did most girls
not let boys see them?  Even after they are older?
   Shay is the one who strokes under my clitoris.  I start breathing hard
and licking my lips.  Shay knows exactly how to touch me.  I am soon wet.
Bhavin rubs the wet tip of his cock rubs on my thigh.
   Once Shay's fingers were wet, he moves them to my clitoris, stroking me
and putting on quite a show for Bhavin.  I am crazy with lust by the time
fingers dip inside me.  I do not know if they are Shay's or Bhavin's.  It
feels so good.
   This is what happens when my pussy is touched.
   I grab my legs and spread them back, knees to my shoulders.  Two pairs
of hands fondle my body.  Shay kisses the back of my thigh.
   Shifting on the bed, I open my eyes enough to see Bhavin rolling on a
condom.  He is naked, his balls are huge.  My vaginal walls clench, ready
to climax.  I squeeze my breasts and rub my nipples.
   I reach orgasm as Bhavin slides into me.  Bhavin whispers something to
Shay, but I cannot hear it over my moans.  Shay kisses me.  I open wide and
return the kiss with vigor.
   When I open my eyes, I see that Bhavin has his phone pointed between my
legs.
   When Bhavin is finished, Shay strips and gets on top of me.  I have
another orgasm, even harder with Shay.  I lay between them and sucked
Bhavin, then Shay.
   Shay got between my legs and licked and sucked on my clitoris in view of
Bhavin's phone.
   Later, Bhavin shows me the video.  It is so wild, seeing his tongue
twist and flick, his lips bob over my hard nub.  I didn't know looking
could be so fun.  I want to make my next blow job look like this.
   The next time I suck Shay, I kneel over his chest and he plays with my
pussy some more.
   I forget all about making it look good.  I suck his cock harder, put
more of it in my mouth.  My need is so strong.  As I climax, Shay shoots my
mouth full of his ejaculate.  I smile at Bhavin while sucking Shay clean.
   The three of us lay in bed together.
   Bhavin smokes from a clear glass pipe.  He moves the tube to my mouth
and teaches me to take a puff.  It burns a little.  I watch Shay do the
same, then Bhavin.  The next time I take more, but cough hard enough to
make my eyes water.
   Shay leaves the room.
   "Have you ever been with a girl?" Bhavin asks.
   "No.  Girls don't seem to like me very much."
   "Especially your sister."
   "Are you her boyfriend?"
   Bhavin shook his head.  "I'm Shay's friend.  We tend to share
girlfriends.  He said he was done with Anisa, but didn't want me to be. 
Now I see why." He hands me the glass pipe again.
   I know the correct amount to take this time.  My breasts feel tingly.  I
play with my nipple.
   "Have you seen another girl's pussy?"
   "Not close.  I know big girls have hair and little girls don't."
   Shay returns with the water.  "Leave it." Shay frowns as he settles
beside me.
   Bhavin leans down and whispers in my ear.  "I really want to fuck you
again, Mahina."
   "Okay."
   Bhavin chuckles and kisses me.  I suck his tongue and pull him close.  I
kiss down his throat and play with his nipples.  I suck on him while his
finger drives my pussy wild.  He pushes me down further and I take his cock
in my mouth.  I suck and lick on him while he fingers me.
   "Hey," Shay taps me on my shoulder.  "Get on top of him." He takes my
hand and guides us into position.  Bhavin sits on the edge of the bed.  I
sit on his cock.  Shay kneels between our legs and licks up Bhavin's
scrotum to my clitoris.
   I roll my head back and moan, my thighs tremble.
   "Yeah, fuck, like that." Bhavin groans.  He has a firm grip on my hip,
keeping me locked on him.  Shay keeps on that way, sucking on Bhavin's
balls, then my clitoris, up and down.
   Bhavin sits up suddenly and clasps me to his chest.  "Suck it."
   The order was to Shay, who latches onto my clitoris.  Shay sucks it hard
and his tongue is fast.  I take hold of Shay's head and fuck his face while
rocking back and Bhavin's cock.  The feeling is explosive.  I moan, scream.
The orgasm is happening, but slow, driving me insane.
   I feel like Tamal must have, strapped to that bench, begging with his
sounds.  I do that now, grunting and sweating, not ready for anything to
stop.  I come and come hard.  I shake violently for a long time.  I have no
awareness of time, my surroundings, only pleasure.
   When Shay's cock enters my mouth, I suck instinctively, my tongue and
lips working through my exhaustion.  He jerks his shaft and spills seconds
later.
   Again, we are in a pile, sweating, panting, but happy.  I am glad that
Shay and I are together.
   We fall asleep at some point.  I wake later in the morning and shower,
put on my clothes.  Shay and Bhavin are in the living room playing games on
the television.
   "Think he'd miss her?"
   "Uh, I'm sure he will.  He's cool.  We're good."
   Bhavin nods to me.  "Morning, Mahina."
   I wave to them.
   Shay says, "Call home and tell your dad you're okay.  Don't talk to
Anisa."
   "Okay."
   My father sounds pleasant.  "Didn't hear you leave the house this
morning."
   "Yeah, wanted to let you know I'm okay."
   After the call, I join them in the living room.  "How come you want me
to stay?"
   "Not ready to let go of you." Bhavin grins and smooths my hair down.  He
pulls me forward and I kiss him.  It is not long until he has me naked.  He
takes me into the bedroom, but Shay does not follow.
   He brings his phone over.  "Masturbate."
   I close my eyes and reach between my legs.  My pussy lips are wet from
kissing him.  I dip my fingers in the opening, but there is not much
moisture.  All the fucking last night has wrung me dry.
   Bhavin pops open a bottle and cool liquid falls onto my clitoris.  I
gasp and rub it around my tingling shaft.  "Thanks," I moan and rub all
around my clitoris, faster now that it is super wet.
   I stick two of my fingers inside, wriggling around and working my clit
through my thumb and index finger.  I bring my fingers out and rub them
under my clitoris.
   Bhavin sets the phone aside and moves to play with my breasts.  He puts
one of his fingers in my mouth, fondles my tongue and jaw.  It is weird,
but I like it and keep fucking myself.
   "Please," I roll halfway over and open my mouth, my eyes focus on his
erection.  Bhavin gives me his cock to suck and I have another orgasm,
moaning and thrashing.
   When Shay arrives we do it again in different positions.  I am wild.  I
am greedy.  I beg Shay and Bhavin to fuck me.  Shay pumps me so hard that I
scream.  While I scream, Bhavin twists and pulls on my nipples.  I feel no
pain, only pleasure.
   After the fucking, a shower, lunch.  I lay quietly on the couch.  I am
exhausted.  Again, I think of Tamal, Sergei, the agony.  I will sleep good
once I am home and in bed.
   Shay lifts me up from the couch and carries me on his hip to the car.
   ***
   I spend a night in and clean up the house.  Anisa is at work and father
is due home soon.  I am proud of my work.
   Hours after he is due, Devin stumbles into the front door.  "Hello my
little Hini." His kiss is wet and a bit off the mark.
   "Have you been drinking?"
   "Yes," he chuckles.  "Where is your sister?"
   "Work."
   "Come to my room, Hini." His arm is around my shoulder, so when he
walks, I am pulled with him.  He kicks his door shut and pulls off my
shirt.
   He's never done this before, and I am confused.  Instead of taking off
his pants, he tugs on my shorts.
   I help him and go over to his bed, waiting to suck him.
   He looks at me, his hand in his pants, stroking himself.
   "I can do it," I signal him over to me.
   "Can I fuck you, Hini?" He whispers.
   "Uh huh."
   His pants come off then and he crawls on top of me.  "It has been a long
time, baby." His eyes drift shut as he puts himself inside me.  His mouth
hangs open and I smell beer on his breath as he pumps away.  There is no
timing, no finesse.
   I forgive him.  It has been a long time.  He must have a lot of pain.  I
bring my legs higher, place them on his shoulders.  He turns and licks my
skin, bites my leg as he comes.
   I have never had a man spill his seed inside me.
   "Can't get you pregnant, Hini," he pulls out and looks down.  Then kind
of falls onto the bed, tugging me until I am sitting on his face.
   I do not sit there long.  He falls asleep.
   I cover him with the blanket and leave.
   ***
   Spring Break ends and only a few weeks stand between now and sweet
summer.  The excitement of summer wanes before lunch.  I feel surrounded by
children obsessed with things that do not matter.  Truth told, I've always
felt that way, but it is sharper now.
   I am surrounded by people who live in a world foreign to me.
   Shay picks me up most days so that I don't have to ride the bus or walk.
He takes me to a restaurant he likes.  We get a booth in the corner, eat,
do homework, and talk about our assignments.
   "I love you." I say into my ice cream dessert.  It is not sudden.  I
have been falling in love with this man for a while.
   "It is good that my woman loves me."
   I smile.  "I have never known love before, but it is not like others
say. I know what I am.  I am a weak person.  Anyone can have my body if
they touch me right."
   "Anyone," Shay chuckles.  "Maybe, but I'm not going to judge a girl
because she's been with what, a handful of guys?"
   "I also know my age." It is true.  I am not deaf to the whispers of
others.
   "Mahina, I love you, and soon I will graduate and be able to support you
properly.  I do not want the traditional things.  I do not want a
traditional woman.  I want you.  I love you.  Can we leave it at that for
now?"
   I smile as big as the sun.  "Yes."
   He leans close and kisses my cheek.  "You know what you like, even in
other men.  There is nothing wrong with that, understood?"
   "Yes."
   ***
   In my dreams my legs are spread wide.  People walk by and look at my
pussy.  Some adjust their glasses.  Cameras flash.  Doctors take notes.
   Bhavin whispers, 'Have you seen a pussy?'
   I wake with a small gasp.  The weird dream does not leave my thoughts.
The only girl I know is my sister, and I do not want to see anymore of her
than I already do.
   I walk to the park.  I am there two hours before I see Mallika.
   She glowers at me.  "What?"
   "Can I ask you something, in private?"
   Her friends giggle, but she says goodbye to them and walks off with me.
   "Now what?"
   "Wait.  Please.  Over here." I take her to the fort.
   She has fallen a ways behind, looking over her shoulders, frowning.  She
folds her arms and waits.
   "Um, I," now that I am meant to ask her, my mouth dries up.  This woman
dislikes me, hates me, but not as much as my sister.  "Can I see your
vagina?"
   "No.  Is that why you lured me out here to this crack hole?"
   "Please?  I do not mean anything sexual.  I have never seen one."
   "Look at your own."
   "I have, but," Again, this woman hates me.  What if there really is
something different?  Would she then tell the entire school?
   "Give me your phone." She holds out her hand.
   I fish it out of my pocket.
   Mallika snatches her hand away.  "What the fuck is that thing?"
   "My phone."
   She snorts.  "For old people." She pulls out her phone and types on it.
"Here.  That's a pussy.  Don't you have a computer at your house?  How'd
you get to be such a whore without porn?"
   I stare at the pink flesh, pale smooth lips.  "Can you show me one where
she's erect?"
   Mallika pulls her phone back and frowns.  "Erect," she whispers.  She
types on her phone then turns the screen back to me.  "Do you mean like
this?"
   I smile.  "Okay."
   "Um, you, recognize that?"
   "Yeah.  That's what I look like, a little bigger than that though."
   "A little?"
   "Uh huh."
   She puts her phone in her pocket.  "Right.  Um, you should see a doctor,
a gyno.  Okay?  I need to go." She pauses.  "You were right.  Palash is a
good man."
   ***
   Shay calls.  "Dinner?"
   Like a date?  "Sure."
   "I'll swing by in twenty.  Walk toward the park."
   Anisa scowls as I leave, but I know it would be worse if she knew where
I was going.
   Bhavin is in the back seat.  He hands me his phone.  "Play it."
   The sounds of my moans come through the car speakers.  Frantic, I look
around, but all the windows are up.  There are many clips put together to
make one movie, a movie featuring me.
   Yes, my clitoris is much bigger than the one in the picture Mallika
showed me.  Swollen, glistening, needy.
   The video is very good and it makes me tingle.
   "Am I a normal girl?"
   "No," both voices in unison.
   Shay says, "You are not a freak either."
   "You're different, but so is everyone."
   "Normal girls aren't different."
   "They are," Shay says, "Some have longer labia."
   "Short clits."
   "Super-long nipples."
   Shay laughs.  "Misty."
   "Hell yeah, Misty.  Giant fucking tits, inch-worm nipples." Bhavin
leaned forward and kissed her on the shoulder.  "Way bigger than yours. 
How old are you?"
   "Fifteen." I replay the video.  "But it's okay.  My dad says I'm not
jail bait."
   When it is over, Bhavin takes his phone back.  "Have you had a period?"
   "Not really.  My tummy hurts some times, but nothing much happens."
   Shay parks and we go inside for burgers and fries.  After dinner we stop
by his place.  Tamal calls.  I do not answer.
   Shay removes my clothing.  He fondles and squeezes my breasts.  I sigh
as his finger penetrates me.  He goes slow, driving me wild.
   I spread my legs wide and rock into his palm.  He turns around and puts
his penis in my mouth.  I suck him.  He fucks my mouth.  It is the
beginning of another long night of pleasure.
   ***
   Graham has been in my class all year.  We went to middle school
together. I know him well, but never considered him worth mention.  We are
on a history project together.  It requires an essay and small
presentation. I invite him to my place so that we can work on it.
   My father and sister are out, but this is normal.  We work on the
project, but Graham is distracted.  Even if that missed my notice, the tent
in his pants would have been a glaring final clue.
   My hand is drawn like iron to a magnet.  I turn slightly and unfasten
his slacks.  His eyes rise and fall between my face and his crotch.  When I
tug on his pant, he lifts his hips.  He seems shocked by my actions, and
that makes me move faster.
   "I need you to concentrate, okay?" I lick the underside of his pale cock
and take him deep into my mouth.
   Graham whimpers and moans.  It sounds very soft and feminine.
   I jerk him off on my tongue in under a minute.  I wash my mouth out in
the sink and flop onto the couch.
   I point to his pants.  "I'm serious.  I'm not getting a 'C' because of
you."
   -_ 6 _School leaves no time for friends and boyfriends, not the way I
need.  I call Sergei.  He agrees to pick me up.  The doctor is a friend of
his and waiting at his house.
   The doctor gave me a nice smile as he put a pen to the clipboard.
   "Your name?"
   "Mahina Kamadoli."
   He asks my date of birth about illnesses in the past.  He also asks for
my address, phone number, the school I attend.
   "Fifteen," he hums.  "Your breasts are well developed.  Do boys tease
you?"
   "No."
   Sergei gets his attention.  They speak softly in Russian.
   "Do you allow boys to play with them?"
   "I allow my friends." Suddenly I am concerned.  "Is that a bad thing?"
   "You are a very friendly girl.  That is a wonderful thing."
   I smile and relax.  "My best friend is Tamal, he likes to massage my
breasts and suck my nipples."
   The doctor's warm, slightly damp hands circle and stroke my breasts and
then pull and twists on my nipples.  I shut my eyes and breathe through my
mouth to cover my moans.
   "When did you start developing breasts?"
   "I think I was in fourth grade."
   "When did you start masturbating?" All the while he is softly stroking
and pressing my breasts.
   "All the time," I moan.
   He moved to sit on the stool between my thighs.  He reaches up to adjust
the overhead lamp.  I stare at the ceiling.  His fingers adjust my hips,
spread my legs.  The straps swing to the side.
   His finger pulls my outer lips open.  Cool air kisses my slit.  He seems
to take a long time looking at me.  His finger pokes and pushes me open.
   The wheels of the stool roll away.  He grabs two purple gloves.  "Do you
play with your anus?"
   "No." The end of that word ends at a whisper as his slick, gloved finger
slides into my ass.
   It slides out.  He pours something on his finger.  "Bear down." This
time two fingers enter.  The other hand splits my pussy lips open.  His
fingers move deep inside, twist, then pull out.  They are nearly out and
his pushes them deeper.
   "I didn't know it felt this good."
   He pulled out and snatched off the gloves.  He pulled another two and
snapped them over his wrists.
   When he wheels back, two of his fingers go inside my pussy.  He stands,
then adds another finger.  His other hand presses on my lower belly.  His
fingers curl and flex.
   "Do you use protection when you have sex?"
   "Yes."
   "Has a man ever ejaculated inside your pussy?" His fingers thump harder.
   I wish his top hand would move down and stroke my clitoris.  It needs it
right now.  "Yes, my daddy, but he can't get me pregnant."
   "How many times?"
   "Just once," I can't help but moan.  "He was drunk."
   His fingers stop.  He removes them and the gloves come off.  A new pair.
His pulls my outer lips far back, the skin around my clitoris aches a
little.
   "Ow," I whisper.
   The stool creaks.  His tongue licks several times and I whimper.  My
pussy muscles clench and more liquid drips out.  He sucks hard on my
clitoris then lets it go with a smack.
   I do not think my clitoris can get more sensitive.
   The doctor whispers in Russian to Sergei.  Sergei chuckles and answers
in the same language.
   I am in a daze as the speak over me.
   "When I have your results," says Sergei, "I will contact you for an
appointment.  How much are you looking to make?"
   Money is the last thing on my mind.  "I really need to come."
   Sergei nods to the doctor and his head lowers between my thighs.  He
sucks hard on my clitoris.
   "Thank you," I whimper.
   The doctor brings me to climax.
   Sergei drives me back home.
   ***
   It is over a week before I know my test results.  In the meantime, there
is school, exams.  I hang with Tamal or Shay.  Normal stuff.  Shay comes
over to the house more.  Though he is over twenty, my father likes him. 
Anisa rolls her eyes a lot.
   Palash has not disappeared from my life.  I still see him, but he will
graduate in a week.  I never see him with Mallika.  Tamal comes over and we
chat, but I know he is jealous of what Shay and I have.  He cannot kill
him. He will always be my good friend.
   Shay and I are studying.  My father is watching television.  My sister
is in her room laughing with a new group of friends.  Shay's hand goes
between my legs.  I wear no panties under my skirt.  His fingers bring me
to orgasm while I read the chapter assigned to me.
   When he is finished, I go under the table and return the favor.
   I am quite productive when I study with him.
   ***
   Sergei calls and says he has the results.
   I am nervous, excited.
   Sergei announces, "We will have this first session alone." He puts me on
the bench.  I am given bars to hold.  Nothing straps me in place.
   Something cold, probably plastic, slides into my pussy.  It is not very
long, but it is large.  It squishes the lubricant poured onto my cunt.
   The object is withdrawn and then another, smaller.
   He connects these items to a machine, places electrodes on my nipples.
   "Do you enjoy orgasm, Mahina?"
   I was given no order of silence.  "Yes."
   "I will give you many.  When you are ready to stop, say red."
   When he drops me off I go straight to my room and fall onto my bed,
asleep within minutes.
   I have twenty dollars in my envelop.  I cannot wait to make another
appointment.
   ***
   I hang with Shay and Bhavin.  I tell them about Sergei, how I found him
and what we did.
   "Sergei?" Bhavin chuckles and nods, wearing a knowing smirk.  "Yeah,
I've worked with him.  He can throw some wicked parties.  You're one of his
girls?"
   "I am paid to be with him."
   "Fuck yes," Bhavin leans over his thighs and nods.  "Dude," he stares at
Shay.
   "Yeah," Shay sighs.
   Bhavin's grin becomes a whole smile.  "Fucking Sergei, dude.  I'd love
to see what he does with her."
   Shay says, "How long have you known him?"
   "It was after winter break, maybe before, but I didn't have my first
appointment until last month."
   "Fucking dibs," Bhavin whispers.
   We spend the rest of the night in Bhavin's bed.  They make me feel
special and I work hard to make them feel the same.  Now we have our
favorite positions and talk about them.
   "Spank me?" I ask of Bhavin.  He seems like a good choice for the job.
   "You like a little pain?"
   "Who doesn't?"
   "Yeah, you're fucking hot girl.  Fuck yeah, I'll spank your ass." Bhavin
stuck his tongue out at Shay.
   ***
   Shay is sleeping when I go to speak to Bhavin alone.
   "Have a moment?"
   Bhavin nods.
   "Would you tell me more about these parties?"
   He signals her over and pulls over his phone.  "Here's one I did." He
plays a video.
   I am silent.  So much takes place.  I am eager for it all.  "You took a
video like this of me."
   "Yes, but that was just for me and Shay.  I haven't shared it with
anyone else.  Shay loves you very much.  I think he's a fool, but he cannot
help his heart.  I'd fall in love with you too, if I was his age."
   In the video, the woman rides another man.  Another man sits in a chair,
watching, stroking himself.
   "How do you get invited to one of these parties?"
   "Tell him you want to make more money.  Tell him you're friends with me,
okay?"
   When the video is over and I ask, "Will you be there?"
   "Hell yeah.  That's why I need you tell him, girl."
   He reaches for my pussy, rubs my erect clitoris.  I sit on his cock and
let him fuck me while the next video plays.  It is only a few seconds.  He
turns his phone off when the woman screams.  I think nothing of it.  I have
screamed several times during sex.
   I move with his rhythm and moan.
   "You don't have to be poor, Mahina," Bhavin whispers as his hips snap.
"I know how to make you a lot of fucking cash."
   ***
   Graham and I are working on physics homework together.  We are at his
house on the back porch.  They have the fancy kinds with screens and
chairs.
   He looks nervous, as if he wants to say something but can't.  He has
been like this for several days.
   I move to sit beside him and rub his penis.
   Graham looks frightened, so I take my time, go very slow.  I take his
other hand and place it on my breast.  It sits there as if stuck.
   "If I'm doing something you don't like, you need to tell me."
   He snatches his hand back, but does not push mine away.  He looks over
his shoulder to the door.
   He undoes his pants slowly.  When he takes out his dick I lean down and
take it in my mouth.
   It is over within seconds.
   I do not smile, but I am amused.  He must have enjoyed that very much.
   I lay in his lap and caress his side.  "Let me know if you ever want me
to do that again." With a restrained smile, I go back to my chair and
continue to work on our assignment.
   ***
   The next session is again only Sergei and me.  We go into his room.  I
am strapped down this time.  Unlike Tamal's experience - not having an
orgasm.  I am given several.  He does not give me the option to say red and
make it stop.
   The machine fucks me raw.  I am exhausted when we finish.
   Afterward I lay wrapped in a robe with a bottle of water while he cleans
the room.
   "I heard that you throw parties where I could make more money?"
   A single nod, then.  "Who told you of this?"
   "A friend of mine, Bhavin.  He asked me to say I know you."
   Sergei grins.  "If Bhavin wants to throw you a party, tell him I will
gladly host.  Mahina?"
   I stare at him.
   "Several men will be invited to fuck you, any hole they want.  You will
be a toy thrown into a playpen of dogs with hard cocks and open mouths.  It
will not be about your enjoyment."
   I am both scared and intrigued by his description.  "Okay, but everyone
is having fun, right?"
   He nods.  "Indeed.  I do not rent my toys cheap.  Rest well, eat healthy
foods, hydrate.  Prepare your mind and body as any athlete."
   I like the idea of being his toy, an object designed to inspire and
delight.  I finish my water and settle under my blanket.  "I will.  Thank
you."
   "No, dear girl, thank you."
   ***
   I never realized I was poor, but I don't quite dream of becoming rich.
   Not 'poor' would suffice.
   Parties sound like fun, and getting paid to go to one is even better.  A
toy in the middle of dogs, fought after, lusted.  I know Sergei said it
would not be about my enjoyment, but I am sure I will feel good if they are
having fun.
   Bhavin claps his hands and practically jumps in the air when I tell him.
He looks to Shay, who has the opposite reaction.  "What man?"
   Shay looks at me, "Is this what you want?"
   "I have seen the video on Bhavin's phone and talked to Sergei.  I know
it will be ...  more work than pleasure, but I am being paid, and I will do
my best to earn it."
   Shay opens his arms, and I walk over and sit in his lap.  "Thank you,
Mahina, for loving me.  I only need to know the moment a man battles for
your heart.  Let me earn the chance to keep you."
   I grin.  This is silly.  It is merely a party.  Shay and I are like
husband and wife.  I share my thoughts with him.  I cook when I come to his
house.  I try to straighten up, and he comes over to help my father repair
ours.  Of course, we always have great sex.
   "Shay," I say, "you have never had to pay for my time and you never
will. I love you."
   ***
   I am home.  In the bathroom.  I can't say what has come over me.  I was
in the shower, then toweling off.
   I am sitting on the side of the tub fingers my pussy.  I need to have an
orgasm right this moment.  My pussy was so wet.  One leg is propped on the
toilet, one hand on the bath.
   I am so close.  Thoughts about the party I will soon attend dominates my
thoughts.
   The bathroom door opens and my father walks in.
   "Up," my father says.
   I struggle to my feet.  He puts a fist in my hair and walks me to my
bed, slings me onto the mattress.
   He goes to his knees, tugs me by my thighs and sucks of my clitoris.  It
is the first time my father has done this.  He starts slow, but soon finds
a method that causes me to moan.
   The orgasm I needed arrived and it was perfection.
   -_ 8 _-
   Every moment not filled with my finals is about sex.  More than usual.
It seems everyone I look at could potentially fuck me, or I could fuck
them. I daydream about swallowing cock - any cock - Shay, Bhavin, Tamal,
even Palash if he were to walk by.
   I look at my teacher and wonder about his cock, the principal's, the
janitor's.  I have never seen Sergei's cock.  I think to ask to suck him
when I see him next.
   Will he take me at the party?  Will there be gray hairs down there?
   I squeeze my thighs together, it gives me pleasure, but the frustrating
kind.  I can barely concentrate on my work.  I want to walk to the front of
the class and beg for a hard cock to fuck.  The idea excites me, begging a
group of men to use me.  The image is so unnerving that I must be excused.
   I walk fast to the nearest empty room and thrust my hand into my pants.
My other hand covers my mouth as I fuck myself.  My fingers are so loud in
my pussy.  It would be easy to hear if someone walked in.
   I do not care.  I am beyond this point.  Eyes closed, I imagine a line
of men waiting to take me.  I suck one while the other works my pussy.  Hot
semen splashes onto my breasts, teeth and tongue on my flesh.
   I come, but cannot stop.
   A second orgasm is so close.  In my mind, I am on my hands and knees,
loud smacks of a man's body into mind.  He is close too, we are begging for
this not to end and yet rushing to make it so.  The madness of pre-orgasm.
   I moan and tremble.  Fuck.  It is so good!
   "Feel better now?"
   I straighten and hold my breath.  It is Mister Walker, our counselor. 
He is not a good looking man, piggish, one might say.
   My cheeks and ears burn as I wipe frothy white slickness from my fingers
on the inside of my shirt.
   He leans in the door frame, watching me, but he does not look upset. 
"The next time you need to work off some steam.  You're welcome to make an
appointment with me."
   I rush by him and head back to class.
   ***
   The party.
   I am curious and nervous.  I am glad that Bhavin is there with me. 
There are not as many men as I imagined.  I meet Victor and Alexander. 
They, along with Sergei and Bhavin, are in robes.  I undress and put on my
own.  We drink plenty of water.
   Bhavin is behind a laptop, typing furiously.
   In preparation for tonight, Bhavin took me to a salon.  My pussy is
hairless, and it makes my clitoris, even soft, easy to see.  It hangs down
like a miniature penis.  My pussy lips appear fat and heavy.
   It is hard not to stare at myself in the mirror.  I understand why they
want me to sit with my legs spread.  Sergei puts his hand on my pussy, rubs
it.  In no time I am wet and haunching down on his hand.  He inserts his
finger into my pussy, strokes my clitoris.
   I moan, but do not move.  He pumps me until I come.  Bhavin, Alexander,
and Victor applaud.
   Alexander places a blindfold over my eyes.  This causes my heart to
race. Not knowing what will happen, sweat pours from my body.  My muscles
tense.
   "Mahina?" Alexander stands behind me, massages my breasts.
   "Yes?"
   "I will give you pain, but also pleasure.  Do not worry.  I mean for you
to enjoy both." He pinches my nipples and kisses me on the neck.  This goes
on for so long that I cannot help but relax.
   Something stings my legs, lashes my breasts.  I cry, but Alexander is
right, the pain is not too great.  In a strange way, I appreciate its
flavor, tart and sharp, warm and buzzing.
   I am strapped on a bench that slides up and down a track.  I have seen
it, but never seen its use.  As I am blindfolded, I wonder how it will
function.
   Something goes into my ass.  It stings as it stretches my anal ring. 
The pain is like fire nibbling my anus.
   I push up with my legs, the track slides, but I cannot push far enough
away.
   "Good." Alexander guides me back down.  Another object slides into my
pussy.  This one feels good, vibrating and pulses, but the stinging on my
ass gets worse.
   Little pulses of shock run up my ass, but the thing in my pussy has a
part that touches my clitoris.  The sensation is great, but I cannot stay,
the sting on my ass is too much.  The shocks are much stronger and the base
widens.
   Alexander stands by my side.  He wears a distinct cologne.  I slide up
and down, sliding down is easy, but my pain-level and strength determines
when I must push up.
   No one touches me, before long I realize that I am fucking myself,
determining my own level of punishment.  How much pain will I accept to
orgasm?
   Tamal would appreciate this dilemma.
   I fucked myself to orgasm.  It takes a long time.  My muscles burn, I
pour sweat, but I cannot stop.  I am a rutting creature, seeking one
conclusion only.  I cry and scream when the orgasm is upon me, but I have
difficulty enjoying it, the object in my ass pulses faster.  I think the
pain is also causing me to come.  Liquid gushes down my thighs, it is hot
and thin like urine.
   More light applause, whispered curses and praise.
   The objects are turned off and I am pulled away.  I am still blind.  My
legs feel like they will never work again.  I whimper as Alexander inspects
my ass, the ring is tender.  Something cool spreads on my sore parts.
   "How did that feel?"
   "Scary good," I say.
   Victor prefers to allow me to see.  He ties my hands behind me, attaches
cuffs to my wrists and ankles.  I am attached to a chain hook to the
ceiling.  The chain is pulled taunt then I am raised until I am on the
balls of my feet.  My heels no longer reach.
   He whips my backside and legs.  I dance and swing, but the next blow
always comes.  I cry a lot with him.  There is little pleasure in this. 
Already exhausted from the bench, sadness permeates my features.
   Alexander stays Victor's hand.  "That is enough."
   I am given time to rest, water to drink.  Alexander sits beside me.  He
is very fit, but thin.  He looks like someone who might be former military.
   After my recovery, Bhavin inserts a device into my mouth.  Saliva
dribbles down my chin.
   "Can you swallow?"
   Barely.  I nod.
   He fastens a collar around my neck.  I am still sore and sad about
Victor.  I can't talk.  I am detached from what will happen next.
   Bhavin walks me to a mirror.  I do not recognize my reflection.  Whelps,
drying sexual fluids, my hair is in two high ponytails.  My mouth forms a
wet cavern.
   "For the final touch." Bhavin inserts a plug in my ass.  I moan and
grunt my displeasure as it fits into the sore ring of my ass.  It has hair
the same color as mine - ink black.
   "Let's go, girl." Bhavin tugs on my collar.  I am walked around the
room. Everyone uses my mouth except for Alexander.  Since Victor made me
cry Alexander has been in less of a party mood.
   I'm sad about being in pain, but I need to focus on making everyone have
fun.
   When Bhavin's turn is up, I make a plea to Sergei.
   "I need to focus on Alexander, sir.  He doesn't look to be having a good
time."
   Sergei nods.  "I know something that will interest him.  Come to my
bench."
   Sergei straps me into the bench the doctor used.  I am strapped down. 
He pulls out a device and plugs it into the wall.
   Alexander draws closer.  I stare at him.
   Alexander and Sergei chat in Russian.  Alexander grins and stands by my
head.  He lays his head on my chest, between my breasts.  "Da," he says.
   I hear a zap.  In the next instant a pain so intense arcs up my pussy
that I can't get a breath to scream.  Several seconds I think my body is
paralyzed in that pain.  When I can finally breath and let the scream rip
from me and something else.  I am climaxing.  The orgasm is so intense that
it becomes it's own form of pain.
   Alexander snuggles to my chest, a front row to both my agony and
ecstasy. Though he also caused me immense pain, he prefers it to be
pleasure.
   I have learned the distinction.
   My exhaustion takes a pleasing hue.
   ***
   I cling to the nearest body.  I do not care if it is Alexander, Sergei,
Bhavin, or Victor.  I need the comfort of touch.  They seem to know this.
All four men take turns rocking me, soothing me, holding a cold glass of
water to my lips.
   Alexander whispers words of praise and encouragement.  I ache and throb,
but I also smile.  This must feel like making all high marks on a school
report.
   Alexander massages me while the others wipe up and head out.
   My envelop rests with my clothes.  I do not know much is in it.  I do
not look as Bhavin drives me home.  I do not know if I will have the
presence of mind to count it.  This is how cloudy my thoughts are.
   "Are you okay?" Bhavin asks.
   I do not know how to answer.  If I could, I do not know what I would
say.
   Eight hundred dollars.  I have never seen this amount of money in my
life.
   ***
   Life is good.  Shay and I date when his summer classes allow for it.  I
hang out with Graham or Tamal, sometimes both.
   "Mahina." My father sets a package on my dresser.  It is addressed to
me, but I do not know who it is from.
   I open the box.  A silver necklace inside.  It is a chain link,
delicate. Without a doubt I know the sender: Alexander.  My body feels cold
and wobbly all over.  It is a beautiful necklace.  It has been a month
since I met him, but the memory has not faded.
   ***
   I have completed my finals.  The last week of school is mostly a party.
   People huddle in groups promising to keep in touch.  I barely know them
outside of the classes we've shared.
   During assembly, a teacher passes me a note.  A room on the second floor
in ten minutes.  He is a kind man, soft, heavy brow.  I have never been in
one of his classes, but I have seen him in the halls.  I open and enter the
teacher's lounge.
   He locks the door and smiles.  "Hi Mahina.  I, ah, I'm very glad you
came to see me."
   The only time a teacher is ever nervous to speak to me is when he's been
staring at my breasts.  He seems far more nervous.
   "I would," he swallowed heavily.
   I do not know what he wants to say, but I know what he wants.  I kick
out of my sneakers, unzip my vest and unbutton my shirt.
   It is then he counts out money and sets it down beside me.  It is a
paltry amount, but I am not committing to a whole evening.  I shrug out of
my blouse but stay in my jeans.
   He fondles my breast while I suck him.  He does not take long.  He
whispers thank you several times.  I am glad to make him feel better.
   I return to the auditorium and stand along the wall.
   ***
   Two days later, Sergei contacts me on my new phone.  I have my own plan
and can take pictures and use data to look at the internet.  Mostly, I use
it to text.
   He sends a date and time and question mark.
   I send back, "Yes."
   I do not know if this will be a party or a solo session.  I gave most of
my money to my father.  He worked so hard that most nights he only came
home to eat, shower, and sleep.
   He does not ask me where the money came from.
   It is worth it.
   -_ 9 _-
   Sergei greets me with a warm kiss to my cheek and a smile.  He pulls me
aside in the foyer.
   "You have an admirer.  Alexander awaits you."
   I reach into my pouch and take out the necklace.
   Sergei holds up my hair while I fix the clasp.
   "You are a brilliant young woman."
   Alexander is already in a robe on the couch when I enter.  I am naked
save for the silver necklace.  He beams and invites me to sit.
   "Do you know what this is?" He holds up a black cylinder.
   No idea, but it is the same as Bhavin showed me how to use.
   "A smoke will rise.  Suck it in through your nose until you feel the
hairs tingle."
   That was the trick?  Awesome.
   He runs a fire under one end and then I see the smoke.  I use my
technique combined with his and it does not hurt my lungs.  He allows me to
take from it several times.  I feel the tingle and sit back, but it feels
as if I am still moving, sinking into the couch.
   I turn to his scent, near his chest.  The robe is gone.  His dark hairs
tickle my neck.  Alexander is too young to be an older man, too old to be a
young man.  I do not know much about him, but he intrigues me.
   The pleasure of pain.  I feel in this we are soulmates.
   ***
   I am on all fours over Alexander's body.
   Sergei's hands round my hips, part my ass.  "Are you sure?"
   Alexander's voice answers, but I don't focus on the words.  I lick at
his fat nipple.
   Sergei fingers my pussy.  The feeling is good, but I am no where near
climax.  This is a different feeling, arousal that extended to the horizon
in every direction.
   I rock back on a cock.  It is very thick.  Alexander moves back until
his cock is also in my face.  Sucking it is another pleasure.  I try to
seal my lips and make them like a fist, my tongue a restless snake.
   They speak Russian.  Their words sound like those of praise.
   They walk me to a bench and strap me onto it.
   Alexander stands between my thighs.  I think I am whipped several times
before I feel the pain.  The sensation is delayed, but arrives in a rush. I
tremble and wail.  My eyes water.  The pain is extreme.  I groan and cry
out and shudder.
   The delay of sensation is the same when a mouth latches onto my
clitoris. I feel the wet, the flick of a tongue.  It is seconds later
before those actions become pleasure, a keen, sharp sensation as intense as
orgasm, but muted.
   "I understand you, Mahina," Alexander says into my ear.
   Sergei's cock is in my mouth, so I cannot respond.  I reach back for
Alexander's hand.  He guides it to his cock.  Sergei fucks my mouth and
Alexander fucks my hand.  His words worm their way deep into my mind.
   I enjoy the soothing timber of his voice.
   I do not know what was in that pipe, but it was nothing like Bhavin
shared with me.  Sergei and Alexander made my brain melt.  My breasts are
whipped while I experience the maddening delirium of orgasm.  My pussy is
fucked while I wail in pain.
   My reactions mean nothing.  They are ill-timed and confusing.  All I can
do is feel.  Alexander is rough as he fucks me.  His body drips sweat.  His
expression is intense.  His muscles thicken and flex.
   I had been crying and whimpering when he entered me, but now there is
only peace.  His body rocks me, pounds me like the steady beat of a drum.
When I open my eyes, his face is all I see.  Admiration is the echo from
inside my soul.  I have never felt so much, emotions and experiences
braided like a rope from the strands of my spirit.
   Alexander bites me and I moan.  I will not know if I feel arousal or
pain in a few seconds.  All things Alexander does to me are pleasure.  I
choose to react that way, no matter what I expect.
   His body is over mine, his face hard, expression cold, and I feel
secure. He is the pillar that anchors me in this blizzard.  It feels as if
he barely moves inside me.  Time slows to a crawl.  Tired, wet, aching,
fucked, whipped, bitten.  I have orgasmed so many times that it is painful
to have more.
   Unstrapped from the bench, moved to another table, soft leather.
   Two pairs of hands rub oil into my skin.  Alexander on my left and
Sergei to my right.  This is nothing but pleasure.  I whimper as aching
muscles are soothed.
   On my stomach I tremble with thanks.  It is a feeling that confuses me.
Like moments before orgasm but wanting so much to please them, to have them
love me, be proud of me.  I force myself to think of them equally, but it
is Alexander I most hope to please.  Does he like me still?
   On my back I cannot hide the tears.  I am raw, like a baby in unfamiliar
surroundings.
   Alexander cradles my face to his.  He kisses near my ear as his hand
massages my breast.
   Sergei moves to my pussy, slow, slick.  He massages it like the rest of
my muscles.  He sets something between my thighs.  I cannot see around
Alexander.  It keeps my thighs from closing.  Then a hard object enters my
pussy.
   I could not possibly come again.  A machine whirs, but it does not move
the object the way I expect.  It is on my clitoris, stroking it, sucking,
pressing along the sides and under like a handful of tiny mouths.
   I think I growl.
   In my ear, Alexander laughs.  He whispers in Russian, his hand firm
around my neck.  "Let it work.  Do nothing.  Take slow breaths."
   It takes me a while, but with Alexander's soothing voice and the
constant hum of the machine, I am able to relax.  When I do, it speeds up.
Each time my muscles tense, it slows.  I must remain still longer before it
starts again.
   The longer I am still, the more intense the sensation.
   "Brilliant girl.  You're learning.  Relax, let it happen to you.  Open
your cunt to the experience."
   A cold rush of energy passes through me and squirts out my pussy.  The
liquid drips from the bench onto something plastic underneath.  I did not
move a muscle, make a sound.  It was as if I were a corpse.  The storm
raged in my pussy and my brain.  When I needed the machine to stop, it
wouldn't.  Bucking and thrashing didn't stop it.
   Alexander pressed down on my shoulders and Sergei held down my hips.  I
could not dislodge the contraption on my cunt.  I screamed for mercy and
Alexander tightened his hand around my throat.
   I am soon dulled to the sensitivity of my clitoris.
   I wake on Alexander's cock.  He is rutting over me.  I am wet by the
sound, but half out of it physically.  He grunts and his breaths come fast,
mouth hanging open, nostrils flared.  Harder and faster, inside me he
swells, then he is soundless, motions strained.
   I pull him down and kiss him on the cheek.
   We make out until I fall asleep on his chest.
   In my nightmares, I wonder what Alexander will do to me if I displease
him.
   ***
   My time with Shay is friendly.
   I did not wonder if we would be alone to fuck soon.
   We didn't.
   I slept peacefully.
   A few days after, I touched myself out of habit.  If I kept going, I
probably could have climaxed.
   I didn't.
   -_ 10 _-
   When I dress to visit Sergei, I prefer to find the easiest clothes
possible.  A loose cotton shirt, soft pants and loafers.  That's what I
wear now.
   Sergei does not pull me aside in the hallway.  We sit and have a drink.
Sergei plays with my nipple and we stare at the artwork on his wall.
   "You are gorgeous when you climax, but I am not in the mood for an
intense session tonight.  May I bring you to my bed?"
   I nod.  I have never even seen his bedroom.
   "Thank you, Mahina." We go into his bedroom, it has a large bed.  Wooden
furniture.  Draped windows.
   Sergei spreads me open with his fingers and licks my wet slit.  He
kisses, slow and maddeningly arousing.  More fingers join in his work.  He
plays with my pussy for a long time.  After my orgasms he knows how to back
off, still and motionless for several seconds.
   Sergei leaves me in an exhausted heap.  When he returns, his face is dry
and cock covered in a condom.  He is slow but intense.  I can already feel
the tears of confusion forming.  He pulls out and turns me onto my stomach
over the side of the bed.  He stands on the floor and fucks me faster in
this position.
   He pulls out and goes to his knees, pushes my ass open and tongues my
pussy.
   "You are a beautiful whore, Mahina." He is back inside me.  I am on my
side, one ankle resting by his ear.
   Wet smacks.  He pinches my clitoris and though I feel it is impossible,
I feel as if I will orgasm again.
   Why does Sergei have so many toys and machines when he seems capable of
fucking for hours?
   Sergei's artistry impresses me.  His toys were only training wheels.
   ***
   On the ride home, I think on this more.
   Sergei considers me a toy.  Who is being trained with it?
   Sergei brings the car to a stop in my neighborhood.  "Alexander likes
you.  He is willing to pay well to have you to himself more often."
   Ah, my dark pleasure.  "Okay."
   He hands me five twenty-dollar bills.
   I will keep it for myself.
   ***
   The next session is at Sergei's house, but I am with Alexander alone.
   Sergei escorted us into this room, bowed and closed the door.
   Alexander does not wait for me to undress.  He kisses me as soon as the
door is closed.  I feel pressure on my head and sink to my knees.  Soon my
mouth is full of his cock.  I need only to breathe as he fucks my face.
   Alexander must have taken something because he is tireless.  I find out
what that something is when he cracks open my eyelids and puts drops into
them.  They sting.  I thrash and cry, wondering if I will now go blind.  He
opens my mouth and gives me something to suck on, a sweet candy, but with
something that also tingles my sinuses.
   When he climaxes, I feel as if I have the same experiences.  He whispers
things into my ear and they feel like my thoughts.
   "You control me." It is a matter of fact when I say it.  "I belong to
you."
   I suck his cock, his balls.  His ejaculate fills me and I moan with
delight.
   "Take my cock, Mahina.  This is what you were born to do.  You were born
mine."
   "I was born yours."
   I do not remember that it ever stopped.  I never wanted it to.
   ***
   Fear grips me the next time I see Alexander.
   I have not been with another man, not even Shay, in weeks.  It seems my
only thoughts are of Alexander.  He pays me, but it is not about the money,
not even the gifts.
   There is fear and devotion, trepidation and hope.  I am addicted to him,
what he does to me.
   He picks me up and we do not go to Sergei's.  I think it is his
apartment.  I ride his lap on the couch, crawl behind him when he walks.
   "Tub," he said, pointed.
   I allow him to piss on my tits.  The stream of urine slides down my
body.
   There are other things he does.  It has nothing to do with pain or sex,
but I do them and I am proud when he is pleased.
   He places a newspaper on the kitchen floor and waits while I move my
bowels.  The smell fills the house.  Alexander watches me do this with a
cool detachment.  He types on his laptop, tells me to spread my pussy lips
open.
   When he is satisfied, he buries my shit and has me take a shower.
   Three weeks later I receive a bank card.  It is in my name, but under
his address.  I use it to buy school supplies for the next semester.
   ***
   I have not heard much from others.  Most weekends I spend with
Alexander.
   I am good at learning to please him.  This time I ride a dildo while
moaning with a soft voice.  He said I was to get the dildo as wet as
possible.  He gave me something to help.  I don't know how wet the dildo
got, but I was so desperate to climax.  I said some very dirty things.
   Later I realize the problem.  I am in bed, Shay is sucking on my
clitoris.  It feels good, but I find it hard to orgasm.
   Alexander has not asked me to.
   I close my eyes and imagine his voice, stern, firm, deep.  'Mahina? 
Would you come for me?  You are so beautiful when you orgasm.  Show me.'
   Over and over I thought of those words, his smell, his taste, his semen.
   I came.
   Before I fell asleep, the Alexander in my mind whispered, 'You were born
mine.'
   ***
   I use some of my money to watch Sergei with another.  I crave the
information.  How other people, other than Tamal or I, experience his
talents.
   This woman is very soft, gorgeous.  She has a luxurious, melodic voice
that carries over into her passionate moans.
   Alexander and I are both spectators.  Side by side, we witness this
woman scream and beg for mercy.
   I have been in her place.
   After the event, Alexander takes me to his place and fucks me.  I am
his. That I never want it to stop means that I cared nothing for time, only
his attention, his affection, his praise.
   I miss my first class on Monday.  I sleep half through my last class.
   "What's happening with you?" So many people pose the question.  I am not
sure if I maintained the same answer.
   Nothing was going on.  I lost a bit of sleep.  I don't know why they
were so bothered.
   One day.  That's all it was.
   -_ 12 _-
   No one hears my screams.
   I think it is a cellar.  The there is a door to this room, but it leads
to another door upstairs.  The man that owns this place did not introduce
himself, never came out of his deep hood.
   He has a large, pale cock, hairy thick legs, large feet.  His balls
bounce as he whacks himself off.
   Alexander pulls a needle from my breast.  It hurts worse leaving than it
did going in.  I breathe.  I try to relax.  When I fail, I scream.
   When the needles are withdrawn a ring of red dots surround my areola.  I
am tired by the time he is finished.
   Our host fucks me while I suck on Alexander's cock.
   Alexander is very tender afterward.  He cleans my breasts and smooths a
clear liquid onto every needlepoint.
   "Thank you," I moan as he helps me up the stairs.
   ***
   This rope man is not the same as the last rope man.  He is much kinder.
Alas, I think the rope-men do not like to talk much.  I have not learned
his name either.
   I am suspended upside down, blind, my legs apart, but I am not dangling.
There are also ropes tied around my torso, arms.  I am wrapped in a web of
rope.  Blood rushes to my face.
   The man walks over to me.  I know he owns this house and he does not
want me to know his name or his face.  What I can't understand is why?
   He traces the ropes along skin until he reaches my pussy.  His touch is
feather soft, hesitant.  At least it is not painful.
   An object makes a clacking noise, pops and crackles.  Then I hear and
feel the effects of this object.  I am gagged so my screams are
ineffective. The ropes hold me taunt when a flinch.  I can go nowhere until
I am released.
   The object never touches my pussy, but I feel the moisture bubble up
from my cunt, drip over my labia.
   I am not happy about this development.  This much pain should not make
me horny.
   An object is thrust inside me.  It rubs the perfect spot.  I still and
grunt as it pumps inside me.
   The object is removed and the shocks begin anew.
   I am taken through several cycles of this treatment, but I never orgasm.
I am driven mad with lust, the intensity and burn.
   I am disoriented, cannot stand.  Left in a room alone, I stumble for my
clothing, search for a sink to drink water.  I splash my face and lean over
the sink to hide my tears.  I feel terrible though I have felt much worse
after Alexander or Sergei's marathons.
   My exhaustion is empty and distasteful.
   'Do any of the things you do make you sad?'
   He thrusts my purse and my keys into my hand.  I sit in the passenger
seat of my car.  An extra sixty dollars have found their way into my
wallet.
   I should not drive, but I cannot stay parked in front of his house.
   I pulled over to the first empty lot, a gas station.
   I stare at my phone.
   Shay has class tomorrow.  I have not spoken to Bhavin in months.  Tamal?
Probably at work.  Sergei made it clear that he would contact me when he
wanted to see me.
   I consider Alexander, but I am scared.  Fingers trembling, I dial his
number.
   He answers, "Mahina?"
   "May I come to you?"
   "Yes.  The door will be open."
   I crank the car and drive very carefully.
   When I arrive, I feel a little better, but not much.  After another
shower, I get into bed with him and tell the whole story.
   "He does not know better and neither do you." He tucks me into his large
embrace.
   I feel safe in his arms and fall asleep quickly.
   -_ 13 _-
   I don't take any more appointments.  I don't spend my money going to see
anyone.
   I have tests to take and projects that I must make up.
   I explain this to them all.
   Easy to do.  I have no sexual hum, no burning need to be touched or
fucked.
   Burned.
   During my spare time I do chores around the house.  Anisa packs to go
move in with her boyfriend.  My father is not upset by this.  "I can put
the house up now."
   ***
   Alexander drives me to his home.
   He treats me rough, but I know it is passion, not anger.  He is gentle
with my breasts.  Our bodies crush together bringing me further pleasure.
We spent most of the night naked, but not all of it in bed.  We share a
brownie while lying on his floor rug.
   "It is good that you want to focus on school, Mahina.  I won't keep you
from it.  What are you doing this summer?"
   I rolled onto all fours then rocked back onto my heels.  "Fucking you?"
   He sits up and strokes my back.  I purr and writhe then meow and rub
against him.  "Think a little further ahead, my pet."
   Summer?  I had to admit the truth.  "I have no plan.  I suppose I must
get a job.  My father wants to sell our house and rent a small apartment. I
have no car."
   He grabs my breasts and his erect cock easily slides into my pussy.  "We
will create a plan, yes?"
   My yes had more to do with his cock than any enthusiasm.
   We reach climax together.  The sex is very good, I am able to walk
without help this time.
   ***
   I call Shay but he does not answer.  I am not bothered.  It has been a
while since I last spoke to him, but I am not interested in a date.  I
wanted to tell him that I would live someplace new now, and that I missed
talking to him.
   Alexander and I have devised our plan.  When my father moved out of the
house, instead of driving to his apartment, I had my car packed.  I drove
to Alexander's.
   The house was dark, but I pulled into the garage as he instructed and
entered the house.
   "Welcome home!" A chorus of voices sang out.
   Tears glistened in my eyes.  Bhavin, Sergei, Alexander, and Shay were
there.  They had out food and drinks.  It was a surprise party in my favor.
Alexander said that if I lived with him, the only work I'd do would be with
them.
   We all settle in the living room, laughing and drinking.  I come out of
my clothing when it becomes too warm.
   Bhavin has a contract with a studio.  Shay has another girlfriend, but I
do not hear her name.  Alexander and Sergei talk in a different language
once they are drunk.  Though I did not mind, no one sleeps with me in the
living room.  I gave Shay a blowjob in the bathroom before he left.
   After Shay leaves, they talk about servers and hosting, streaming fees.
These things are not beyond my understanding, but I did not catch the
details.
   ***
   I have another appointment with the second masked rope-man, but
Alexander takes me.
   Trussed up in the ropes, I know that I will not enjoy this, but I am
relieved that I will have Alexander's protection.
   The rope man fingers me, stretches me, whips me.
   He also fucks me.  I know it is his body, not Alexander's that does the
deed.  He is not very good, and it feels uncomfortable in this position,
but not painful.
   This does not matter to the rope-man.  He climaxes and lowers me to the
floor.
   I sleep on the way home in the back of Alexander's car.
   He holds me on his couch and places a pill on my tongue.
   I do not know how much I was paid.  The man handed Alexander the money.
   ***
   Sergei, Bhavin, and Alexander arrange a party.
   I arrive with Alexander.  There are large bright lights on thin black
stands, sheets of white hanging from the walls.
   Sergei's dungeon has all the usual benches and a few beds.
   I straddle Alexander's lap and make out with him.  He is not inside me
yet.  He gives me something to drink and puts of drop of something
super-sweet under my tongue.
   "Ready," says Bhavin.
   Alexander walks me over to a device I have never seen before.  I stand
with my legs apart as he fits the device into my pussy.  Then he shackles
my wrists.  My arms are relaxed, but I can only bend them, not straighten
them down.  I does not take me long to know what this means.  I will not be
able to remove this contraption from between my thighs.
   Another object goes into my rear and with a loud snap, the device is
locked into place.
   Bhavin travels in a circle around me with his camera.  He turns the dial
to focus on my pussy, my breasts.
   Mostly, I am bored.  Other than objects inside me, this does not seem
fun at all.
   "Begin."
   I scream.  My arms yank on the chains.  I feel that if I try hard
enough, I can rip the metal apart and free myself.  At some point I try to
collapse, but I end up hanging by my wrist while the devilish contraption
between my thighs rapes me.
   It must be rape, because I want it to stop and no one will help me.  I
cry and plead for help.  Bhavin does not come from behind his camera.
   "Please!  Make it stop!"
   Sergei is the one behind the controls.  He is indifferent to my pleas. I
cannot see Alexander.
   To keep my shoulders from burning, I must get back on my feet.  I
cannot. My legs are too weak.  My arms are too weak.  I am in a lot of
pain.
   I hang there, and the torment continues, but I stop reacting to it.  I
feel pain.  I know it is there, but other than a few sniffles, my reactions
are muted.
   Machine ceases to burn me.
   I am over a bench.
   Sweat wets the material under my body.
   Grunting, squeaking.  A man fucks me, I do not know who.  That it does
not hurt nor confuse me.  I expect to be bleeding and raw, but my pussy
appears to be unharmed.
   I don't feel pleasure from the act, but nothing is its own pleasure at
this point.
   A cock withdraws and another enters.  My ass and pussy are spread open.
Liquid, probably semen, not much else, I hope, spills from inside me.
   Something latches onto my clitoris.  Machine or human, I do not know. 
Again, I know it should feel good.  It does feel good, but I do not react
to it.  I lay there while pleasure washes over me.
   I am turned onto my back.  A water bottle held to my lips.  I drink the
whole thing, then stare at the ceiling.  Something is still sucking on my
clitoris.  My eyes drift shut.
   ***
   I wake in Alexander's embrace.  We are in his apartment, our home.  I
think back, but I cannot remember anything before this moment and after I
was turned onto my back.  My muscles ache.  I feel my pussy, it is not the
gaping wound I expect.
   I am lost in confusion, but I am with Alexander, so I must be okay.
   He wakes with my tears on his shoulder.
   "Sorry." I do my best to wipe them clear with my hand.
   "Do not be sorry for you emotions, Mahina." He pulls me into a hug and
kisses my forehead.
   ***
   Alexander and I have a pleasant week.  I learn to prepare his meals,
operate his washing machine (it has many buttons I was not familiar with).
I am very good at chores and soon have his place looking organized and
clean.
   We spend the morning in bed.  By lunch we are still naked, on the couch,
watching a movie on his laptop.  It is Bhavin's first cut.
   I am amazed that I am the person featured in this film.  I hardly
recognize myself.  It is like those films where a person has been possessed
by a devil.  I am that person.  What I felt inside does not match what I am
seeing on the film.  It is more disturbing than anything I have ever known.
   I reach down and stroke my clitoris.  It is much bigger than when I was
a girl, thicker.  My pussy lips drape down on either side of it.
   Alexander leaves me to watch the movie and settles between my thighs. 
He sets my hand aside and licks me.  I miss when Shay would do this and he
knows it.
   While I watch myself fucked by men I did not know, I climax.
   It feels so good when he fucks me.  Though I still ache in spots, I am
on a high, because I know that Alexander loves me.  I want to make him
happy.  I know that all I must do to make this so is please him.  This is
not a hard goal to reach.
   Alexander is always very honest about what he expects of me.
   ***
   Today I visit a house with three men who look related.  I do not learn
their names.  The two younger men are fresh and enjoy looking at my body.
   The older man and Alexander chat while I am kissed and fondled.  I suck
them both, but it does little to diminish their erections.  This pleases
me.
   "What the fuck is this?" I see that he is staring at my pussy as he
backs away, a look of horror on his face.
   "That's a clitoris," the older man said.
   "That's a freak show.  I don't want to fuck that!"
   I close my legs and look around nervously.  I am much older now and have
seen many women on the internet.  I know my body is unusual, but all men
are different too.  They argue, and I slink away and slip into my robe.
   We are not paid.  I feel as if I have failed.
   Alexander has his hand between my legs for most of the drive home.  If
his goal is to soothe me and take my mind off of those rude men, then it
works.  I am soaking wet and ready to be fucked by the time we get in the
house.
   He does not take me inside.  He parks the car and bends me over the
hood.
   The garage door has not closed and I see a face in the window across the
street.
   He is watching me get fucked and this makes me hornier.  I moan, but
Alexander puts his hand over my mouth to muffle my sounds.
   ***
   I am curious about the man across the street.  Plate of cookies in hand,
I visit him.
   "Hi.  I just moved in across the street and thought I'd introduce
myself." I practiced this line several times.  I have never done such a
thing.
   He ushers me inside.  His eyes are wide and wild, nervous.  I am ill at
ease with this, because it means he might be upset by my presence.
   "I have a very large clitoris.  If that makes you angry, I should
leave."
   His nervousness turned to confusion.  "H-h-how large?"
   I hold up my pinky.  I indicate the distance between the tip and the
second knuckle.
   "Do you always announce the size of your clitoris to a stranger?"
   "Never, but I had someone act very badly about it because he didn't
know. I do not want that to happen again."
   "You expect I will see you naked one day?  Do you expect this of
strangers?"
   I nod.  This is usually true.
   "Are you a whore?"
   Another nod.
   "How much do you charge?" He takes a cookie and brings down two saucers.
He pours a couple glasses of milk and plates a cookie for me as well.
   "I don't really charge, but I am usually given money and things."
   He chuckled.  "You saw me watching you?"
   I nod.  "Can you see in my bathroom?"
   His breath rattles, but he answers, "Yes."
   I smile.  I was not wrong about his interest in me.  "Would you like to
see me naked?"
   "I do not think I should.  Your, uh, husband might be angry."
   "I am not married.  Alexander is..." I do not know how to finish this
sentence.  "He helps me meet other people.  He is my friend."
   "Does your friend," he sips the milk, "collect money for you?"
   "Well, he pays the bills and the rent.  I have an account he puts my
money into, that way I do not have to carry so much cash."
   "I should talk to your friend first, I think."
   I shrug.  Whatever suits him.
   ***
   Alexander instructs me to go across the street the next day.  I am not
there long, less than an hour.
   Robert looks me over, touches me.  He inspects my pussy while I lay on
my back in his bed.
   He fingers my pussy and seems amazed by the moisture I produce.
   He spends less time fucking me.  I do not orgasm, but it is a pleasant
experience.
   I kiss him and see myself out.
   -_ 17 -_
   It has been several days since I last had sex that made me orgasm. 
Alexander is unwell with a cold.  I tend to him, anxious for him to get
better.
   He directs me to look in a drawer.  I pull out a massive floppy dildo.
It wriggles and leans in my hand.
   "Come to bed, Mahina."
   I crawl into bed with the dildo in hand.  He brings my leg up and over
him, holds the dildo in his hand.
   "Do not touch yourself until I say so.  Hold your cunt open.  Yes.  That
is good.  Work it inside you."
   It stretches me wide.  I must go slower than I want.  My clitoris
throbs, aching for attention.
   When I am as far on it as I can go, I say so.
   He pulls it all the way out and tells me to start over.
   It is torture, but it is not pain.
   "You hold it," he brings his wet fingers to my clitoris and I enter
heaven.  My vaginal walls clamp around the dildo as he strokes and circles
me.
   As I climax, his voice is a tired whisper.  "I love you very much,
Mahina."
   ***
   I know when Alexander is better.  I wake with his mouth on my pussy,
then he fucks me, then I take his cock into his mouth.  Once I get him hard
he fucks me again.  I am overjoyed that he is better and I do my best to
make his every orgasm the best.
   We go grocery shopping.  I am in a thin dress with no bra.  Several men
take long looks at me.  I worry that my clitoris will get hard.  It does,
but I cannot make out too large of a bulge.
   It is large though.
   After we put the groceries away, I got to my horse.  It is a gift
Alexander bought me.  I take very good care of it, making sure to clean it
properly after each use.  I get naked and push the button on the table.  A
green light comes on over the camera.  I think about those men in the
grocery store.  I think about the young man who called me a freak.  I think
about Robert across the street.  They do not bring me the pleasure I seek.
   I think about Alexander.  He tells me I am beautiful.  He tells me I am
lovely.  I am special.  I make him proud.  I am his pet, a pleasure to own,
and wins at award shows.  I have seen these shows.  These pets are very
well taken care of.
   I fuck the dildo, my toes curl around the edge of the stirrups.  I tug
on my breasts and I sigh with pleasure.
   Whenever I am on the horse the only rule is that I must take my time.  I
cannot let myself have the first orgasm.  I must deny myself for at least
half an hour.  I do not mind this rule.  I can go for up to two hours now.
   It is like making love to myself.
   <->
   Written April 2015
  
RedSpiral_Mahina