Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 Destined
   by Nysidra
   Occult Romance (MF, magic, delrew)
   <->
   -_ First Sighting _-
   I sat in my bedroom window watching dawn break.  I saw something running
through the woods, not any dog I could readily identify.  I pulled out my
binoculars and tried to figure out what kind of wolf or escaped circus
animal it could be.
   I sought to memorize everything about the gray-haired loping creature.
Long body, broad chest, short hair, no tail.
   I stopped breathing as it changed.  My lungs screamed for breath before
I gasped for air.
   Wait.  Don't scream.  Don't say anything.
   What was I waiting for?  Until I saw something worse?  Until I knew what
it was?  I would sound insane and wake my grumpy uncle for no reason.
   What if I waited until it was too late?  What if it hurt somebody?
   I waited.  I never said a word.  I watched him, it grow up from my
bedroom window.
   I waited to see if he was a monster, a real monster.  I knew he wasn't
human, but did that make him a monster?  If he was eating people and
committing murders, he didn't leave a trace.  All I ever saw was the animal
and the boy: running, playing, chasing (rabbits, squirrels, and raccoons,
never people).
   I grew fond of him, especially when I thought of him as a puppy.  Over
the years he became a handsome young boy, a magnificent canine with a deep
gray pelt.  The energetic beast matured into a hunk.
   His early morning runs had become less playful, more focused.  He swam
naked.  I couldn't see if he tanned in the nude, a tree got in my line of
sight, no matter what window I used.  I tried them all.
   I settled on remaining silent.  He was not a monster.  He was the
subject of my own private documentary.
   -_ Barn Party _-
   The children in my area were an eclectic bunch.  Our parents were
survivalists, off-the-grid types, hippies, and introverts.  Once a summer
we had a "barn party." No barn, just a campfire in the woods with moonshine
and a battery operated radio.
   I caught a glimpse of him and my heart started racing.  He looked much
different with clothes, skinnier, odd as that sounds.  I knew that under
the shirt he'd have muscles galore.  It my mind, through the binoculars, I
imagined he was like the hulk.
   Not so.  He was very slim, toned.  About right for a young teenage boy,
a human boy.
   He stood at the edge of the crowd, leaning against a tree, watching the
party.  He didn't speak to anyone and no one walked over to say anything to
him.  He scanned the crowd, like he was the security rather than an
outlier. He seemed protective and detached, but not predatory.  I was
waiting for some sign that he was about to mow through the crowd like a
wolf jumping into a herd.
   He looked shy.  I wasn't surprised that he didn't know anyone.  I had
never seen him in school and I think I was the closest thing he had to a
neighbor.
   I could introduce myself.
   I took a few steps toward him, danced a little, moved a little.
   What the fuck was I thinking?  What would I say?
   I closed my eyes and danced while working up the nerves.  What was I
afraid of?  He was in more danger than me.  I'm the human here!  I'm the
threat.
   Confidence gained, but opportunity missed.  He was gone.  I hurried over
to the tree where he had been, looked into the crowd.  I matched his
wandering gaze, trying to see what he saw.  It was a decent bump of land,
giving a good view of the party.  I saw the spot where I had been,
blatantly staring at him.  Had he seen me?
   I wouldn't have been hard to miss.
   I didn't see him in the crowd or anywhere else for the rest of the
night. He must have seen me trying to sneak over to him.  Did I really want
to talk to him?  What was I really going to say?  'Hi, you don't know me,
but I've been watching you since I was nine.  Are you a werewolf?'
   It bothered me that I might have driven him away.  Self-serving as it
sounds, I wanted to get to know him.  He didn't seem to have any friends. I
would have kept his secret, as long as he didn't threaten me or anything.
   -_ The Letter _-
   I went out, ninja like, in the pre-dawn hours and placed the letter on
the stump where he folded his clothes before running, swimming, or sun
bathing.  I placed a rock on top to hold it there.  I spent every moment
after that in fear of a sudden down pour or someone other than him finding
it.  Paranoia ran rampant, but I didn't go back out for it.
   Two days.
   Three days.
   I saw nothing, not even him.
   The afternoon of the fourth day, a prim looking woman walked over to the
stump.  She opened the letter and turned to look at someone in the woods.
She handed the letter over and he emerged and read it.
   I could see it was his mother.  Standing side by side, her nose and
cheeks level with his.
   I'd seen her before.  She visited my father a few times when I was very
young, but never with her son.  I didn't remember her name, but I
remembered her.  I remembered looking at her and feeling nervous.  I
thought she was a dangerous witch.
   Nothing about that day changed my impression of her.
   -_ First Meeting _-
   He'd read the letter.  So, as promised, I went to the lake.
   I didn't expect much.  After seeing his mother, I didn't think he would
show.  Due to my nerves, I stumbled and fell twice.  I was tired by the
time I made it out there.  I'd left my bike at home.  Not that it would
have helped.  Climbing rocks and navigating downed trees would have been
worse on a bike.
   I sat there, belly flipping, muscles aching.  Did his mother have her
own binoculars?  Did she have a scope on me to take me out?  Wait!  A
scope? If she was his mother, maybe she could change into a beast too.  Did
she stalk me?
   I stilled my breath and listened for the warning snarl.
   Nothing.
   I opened my bag of chips and set out the other snacks I'd packed. 
Toward the bottom I found my novel.  He wasn't going to show up.  I
expected that.
   Really.  I did.
   I could spend a nice day out by the lake reading.
   I didn't think this through.
   Reading didn't help.  I couldn't focus on the words.
   Branches snapped and leaves crumbled behind me.  I slammed the book shut
and spun around.
   It could be anyone.  Anyone that I've never seen before.  At least it
sounded like walking, not the four legged approach of a predator.
   He stepped into the clearing.  Shorts, shirt, hair wild, intense bright
eyes.
   I pointed to the empty space on my blanket.  I couldn't stand if I
wanted to.
   He walked to the very edge of the blanket, his eyes looking everywhere.
Watching to see if I was alone?  He crouched in the grass.  We were both so
nervous.
   "Hi.  Um.  I'm Mila.  Thanks for showing."
   "Alex." He looked everywhere else but at me, like a feral animal, tense
and ready to bolt.
   "I think I was nine when I first saw you." Damn it!  I shouldn't have
mentioned that.  "From my window."
   He seemed to be staring behind me.
   "Why did you leave the party?"
   The silence stretched on.  What did he even show up for?  This was worse
that talking to an actual animal.
   I gathered my things.  "I didn't want to stalk you ...  anymore." My
laugh sounded flat, full of nerves.
   "What do you want?" He mumbled as if he forced himself to say it.
   I shrugged.  What did I want?  Questions, so many rude questions, came
to mind.  "I just wanted to meet you ...  make friends."
   When our eyes met, my fear skyrocketed.  I wrung my hands in my lap,
tried to dry them on the blanket under me.  "I thought you might like a
friend.  That's all."
   I stuffed the final items in the bag.  My eyes stung, but I focused on
getting my things, getting away.  "I thought maybe you wouldn't mind
knowing someone who didn't mind.  Who could keep secrets."
   Cool tracks down my cheeks.  I didn't care about gathering the blanket.
He could keep it.
   "I won't bother you again.  I need to go." I hiked my sad ass home,
tears streaming down my face, my legs screaming, calves burned.  I felt so
keenly embarrassed.
   How dare he turn down my offer?  I could have been mean.  I could have
told.  I was nice to him and he just stared at me like ...  like an animal.
   The journey back took much longer.
   I opened my window and slung the binoculars into the woods.  I put on my
headphones and let the music drown my embarrassment.  Stupid.  I buried my
face in the pillow to muffle the fresh onslaught of tears.  I cried the
rest of the day, pretending to be sick to cover my shame.
   It was hard to stop waking early in the morning.  I even went looking
for the binoculars, but I'd done a good job tossing them.  Weeks passed
until I found a different routine.  The rejection hurt, burned my pride
something deep.
   Wasn't I pretty?  Would it be nice to have a friend?  Didn't I prove I
could be trusted?
   ***
   Summer ended.  I hadn't gone back to the lake.  I don't know if he still
ran in the morning.  If he still sun bathed.  I didn't even know if he
still lived in the area.  If he wanted to be invisible and unknown, then I
could give him that.
   One particularly hot autumn day, I decided to march out to the lake.  We
shared the lake, and though it was closer to his house than mine, I
deserved one last swim.  Walking out there hurt, not physically,
emotionally.  The wounds in my pride hadn't healed.  Stupid girl.  I dove
into the water and let the lake wash away my tears.  I swam back and forth,
but the recreation was bitter.
   I never went back to the lake again.
   Fuck him.  Fuck his rejection.  Fuck the woods.  Everything.
   -_ The Mixer _Nothing changed.  We never made up.  He never moved
either. I saw him one last time, looking normal as any human and more
handsome than any teenager should.
   I was on my bike.  He stood on the sidewalk.  I felt him looking at me,
but I kept my eyes forward.  I pretended like he was a random stranger.  We
had nothing to say to each other.
   The year after that, I went to college.  This was my first real
opportunity to meet new people.  I participated in almost every mixer and
event I could schedule.
   This was the last day of our orientation week.  We were all in this
large gym.  Tired of the dancing and partying, I rested against the wall
and noticed a buzz of activity.
   Some guy worked the crowd.  Girls were blushing, men were shaking his
hand and laughing at his jokes.  I only saw him from the back, but I wanted
to see if we had a celebrity in the school or something.  I made my way
through the crowd so that I could see the local superstar.  Would he be a
popular jock?  Celebrity child?  Someone born into a famous family?
   Yes, of course it was him.  Adult, mature, handsome, with a feral
sexiness in a way I knew better than anyone trying to learn his name.
   He was older than me?  That seemed impossible.
   I had to be wrong.  Maybe I was just going crazy.
   "Alex?" I ventured as I approached from the side.  I wiggled my fingers
in a demure wave.
   No, sorry, who are you?
   "Mila!" He didn't even flinch.  He pulled me in and gave me a hug so
quickly that I didn't have time to react.  My stomach twisted into a ball.
How many years since we met on the lake?  He remembered my name, my face?
   When in the hell did he become a social butterfly?  I was so confused.
Was he even a freshman?
   With the next hello, he let go of me and turned away.
   "Hey, Kristen, right?  How are you enjoying yourself?"
   She giggled and answered.  "Thanks for helping me last night.  You are a
gem."
   Last night?  He answered other questions, talked to other people.  He
asked about their home town, what they wanted to study, how they enjoyed
the band.
   I hung near him, listening to the answers, watching how he oozed
charisma.  I think I stood around like a fool for five minutes before I
came to my senses.  I didn't know him, and he wasn't interested in knowing
me.  I wasn't going to make an ass out of myself again.
   Fuck him.
   I spent the remainder of the night orbiting him, not getting too close,
never going too far.  When the crowd began to thin out, I went back to my
dorm.
   How did I end up here with him?  How was he here with me?
   Who is the hell was he?
   -_ Snack Date _-
   I was spared the indignity of having classes with him, but our paths
crossed on campus.  I saw him in the gym, out on the track, in the campus
eatery, on the paths between classes, other parties.  I made every effort
to dodge his presence, and seemed to see him more.
   I was up late studying and went to the snack bar to get myself a slice.
Like a bad penny, he turned up.
   He sat to my table with a basket of fries.  Just sat.  He didn't say
anything.  He didn't even acknowledge me.  I tried to play along, just
scarf my food and go, but silence and nearness and the old wound all became
too much.
   "How are you settling in?" I asked.
   "Great." He popped another fry in his mouth.  Those full, rosy lips were
covered in a sheen of oil that I had the insane desire to lick off.  He
leaned back in his chair and relaxed as if he were in his own living room.
   A trio of people walked in and he gave that 'dude nod' to them.  Did I
know this guy?  The shy, timid, feral, paranoid boy that shunned me as a
girl?
   He said, "Where are you staying?"
   Fine.  Whoever he was, he seemed all right.  Maybe I made a mistake. 
Maybe he just looks a lot like the boy I knew, with the same name ...  who
knew my name.  The years made him more handsome, more confident, taller.
   "Emily hall.  You?"
   "Not far.  Next door in Davis.  How do you like your room mate?"
   "She's cool.  City girl, but she's clean, studious, nice.  A little
quirky though."
   "Quirky?  How so?" He licked the ketchup from his wrist and my stomach
did a little summersault.  The physical reaction surprised me.  Why
couldn't I get a grip around him?
   Two girls walked over to the table.  "Hey, Alex.  You going to be at The
Pit tomorrow?"
   "For sure."
   They giggled like a couple of school children and headed out.
   If we didn't know each other, why did he sit at my table?  Why didn't he
introduce himself?  He had the entire room to choose from.  Why did he sit
with me?
   He put his elbow on the table and stared.
   Right.  My room mate.  "She's got all these weird hang ups with her
food, but not the normal stuff.  She puts peanut butter and salt on
vegetables, eats chocolate and pickles." I snapped my fingers.  "She eats
like a pregnant woman."
   "Is she?"
   I shrugged.  "I don't even know.  That would suck.  Starting college
pregnant, but I don't think she is.  She has a box full of food her parents
bought.  I mean, it seems like she's been eating this way her whole life."
I huffed.  "You don't find it weird that we're in the same college?"
   He smiled at me, a slow, devious, secretive smile.  "Well, I'm not
stalking you, and you stopped stalking me years ago.  It's a good school.
The recruiters hit our area hard.  Yeah, it's odd, but I'm not stressing
it."
   I blushed.  He just came right out with the stalking thing.  And he knew
when I stopped?  No matter when I did, I had every reason to keep my eye on
him.  He may not have stressed it, but I should have.
   "Do you have a boyfriend?"
   Really?  Just like that?  Why?!
   "I did in high school." I set the crust of my pizza down and took a
large gulp of water.  "We ended it before I left."
   "Fresh start.  Smart."
   Who in the hell did he think he was?  My fucking friend?  Someone I
trusted?  Someone...
   Damn it.  He was trying to be a friend now.  He'd matured.  So I needed
to try.  Make the conversation.  Be polite.  Stop avoiding him.  I wanted
to know him, and now I had the opportunity.
   No.  I couldn't do it.  I couldn't keep up my end of the conversation
because I had questions I knew he wouldn't answer.
   He had no problem carrying our conversation.  "What's your major?"
   Easy questions for which I had easy answers.  These details were shared
with anyone, common topics any student could bond over.  I waited for his
attention to waiver, boys with their ADD, and mister popularity who seemed
to know everyone.  He listened, commented.  When someone said hello, he was
brief and went right back to his interview.
   "Room for dessert?" He took my empty tray back to the counter.
   I checked my cell.  My first class was late.  I could carry this farce a
while longer.
   Alex took my hand.
   Like a weak-willed lemming, I followed.  As we turned off campus I
remembered the gelato shop.  We weren't the only ones walking around.  The
city stayed up late thanks to its bustling college atmosphere.
   "You got me in trouble mentioning that party."
   My eyes opened so wide.  It was a miracle my feet were still moving. 
His hand held mine, and his sudden reference to the past solidified my
sanity.  This was the Alex I knew as a child, and I knew that he was not a
human being.
   "My mother didn't want me there, but I snuck out the house and went
anyway.  I saw you and wanted to say something, but, well, let's face it.
Neither one of us could pass for socially well-adjusted children."
   He made me laugh despite my fear.  Yes, high school had taught me that I
was a bit of a weirdo myself.  Still.  He was worse.  Far, far worse.
   We arrived at the gelato shop and treated me to a pistachio cup.  We sat
outside in a couple of iron chairs facing the street.
   I had a question.  Finally.  "Do you have a girlfriend?"
   "No," came his rapid fire answer, "not in the way you'd assume."
   I furrowed my brows and concentrated on my dessert.  How else would I
assume?  Oh, well, he's a college boy.  Maybe he had a fuck buddy or
something.  No emotional attachment, no secret sharing.  No, hey, where do
you go running in the morning?
   Where did he go running?
   I glanced over to him and he was looking at me, sucking on his spoon,
grinning.
   I looked over my shoulder, down at my shirt.  "What?" What did he find
so funny?
   "I'm happy you're here."
   "Happy?" I didn't mean to give voice to that thought, didn't mean to
screw my face up, didn't mean to have so much disbelief in my tone.
   "Yes, like you said.  You know and you don't care."
   Okay.  Yeah, once upon a time when I was a naive, lonely girl.  "Can we
talk about that?"
   "No." No explanation.  No softening.  Just no.
   Fine.  Don't care?  I cared plenty.
   I stood and he fell in line behind me, walking me back to my dorm.  No
more conversation.  No more banal questions.
   "See you around, Mila." He pulled me into a hug and headed off.  He was
so damned casual about it.  Normal.  As if he had nothing to hide and
nothing to fear.
   How dare he?
   -_ Studying _-
   A few days after our late night chat, he showed up outside the door of
my final class.
   "What are you doing tonight?"
   "Studying." Other women filed out of the class beside us, smiling and
blushing and waving to him.  At least I had to dignity to keep my adoration
under wraps.  He was just a pretty body hiding a vicious beast.  Well ...
and I had no hope of competing.
   "Good.  Me too.  I need at least two people to reserve a room.  Meet you
at three?"
   I didn't want to, but he didn't leave me much of a way out of it.  The
'room' was a sound proofed location in the library.  The cubbies could be
shared by a pair of students.  "Okay."
   It was enough time for me to get something to eat and gather my
homework. I approached the library entrance at ten 'till.  Alex was on the
steps chatting to some buxom brunette.  She looked stunning and much older,
but she was all over him.  You could practically see the stars in her eyes.
   I stalled, not sure what to do.  Maybe I should just leave him to it.
   Alex saw me before I could turn away.  After a word or two, he waved me
over.
   We went inside and Alex led me to the room he'd reserved.  I expected to
see a bit of the easy going, chatty, charismatic playboy that I saw on the
steps, but his demeanor changed the moment the door closed.  He completely
shut down and quiet.  The man was actually studying.
   His behavior shocked me for a moment, but I got with the program.  He
made the perfect study partner.  It was better than being alone.  Being
around him created a positive peer pressure to keep reading, keep working,
keep reviewing.
   He was so focused on his own work that I started to worry that I might
be disturbing him with all my paper shuffling, opening my bag, the click of
my pen.
   We had the room for three hours.  I got all my work done, even read
ahead a little just to fill the time.
   "I'm walking to Rachel's for dinner.  Do you like it there?"
   "Um, I-I've never been."
   "Cool.  My treat."
   Another invitation.  He didn't even ask.  It wasn't like I had plans.  I
went with him.  All that studying had worked up an appetite.
   The meal was good, the place was pretty busy.  So we ate our food, he
paid.  And he saw me to my dorm room.
   Nothing else.
   -_ Friendship _-
   That was how it went for several months.  Study in complete silence,
talk about school over dinner, a few walks together across campus.  Our
relationship never got more personal than that, never truly open.
   We never talked about the past, our childhood, and that other thing that
had to remain a secret.  He told me no, and I never crossed the line, never
even checked to see if he'd changed his mind.
   The women flocked to him.  When I saw him out at parties or events, he
was that different guy, often with more than one girl on his arm.
   He wasn't like that with me.  The Alex I knew was distant, quiet,
professional.  It was comfortable in a way.  I was fine with this
situation. My friendship with him was great for my education.  He kept me
out of trouble and I felt safe exploring the city with him.
   Extremely safe.  Even without knowing what I knew, Alex had an imposing
presence to go with his extra helping of handsome.  He was tall, muscular,
self assured, observant.  People did not give him trouble.
   Friendship.  A very productive one at that, not only for my education,
but my fear, my old wounds.  When I looked at him, I stopped feeling angry.
Something else took its place, but something I had to ignore with equal
fervor.
   -_ Laundry _-
   I was chatting up with a girl from the dorm.  We were folding our
laundry.
   "You seem really nice, so I'd hate to see you get hurt."
   I didn't have a clue what she was talking about.
   "You deserve someone who respects you." She stepped closer, lowered her
voice.  "And you deserve to know the truth about Alex."
   Someone knew?!  I scrambled for a way to make this right, to cool
whatever rumors she'd heard.  Someway to explain what she may have seen.
   "He's such a whore.  My room mate was with him last night, and she's not
the only one."
   I blinked.  "What?"
   "I swear I'm not lying.  Just last week he was with Julia."
   I shook my head vigorously.  "I don't know what you're thinking, but
Alex is not my boyfriend."
   How could someone think that?  Okay, easy mistake, but we've never even
kissed.  I mean, look at me.  How would anyone assume differently?
   "Ugh, I did not want to know about his sex life either."
   Now the girl was the one looking confused.  "You aren't his girlfriend?"
   "No.  No way." My words didn't seem to convince her.
   "Everyone on campus says that--"
   I groaned.  "Listen.  I think I'd know who my own damn boyfriend is. 
Alex isn't it!" What in the hell was wrong with these people?
   "Chill out." She took a step back from me.  "You should tell Alex that."
   "What do you mean?  If he's being active, then I'm sure he knows I'm not
his girlfriend either."
   The girl tilted her head to the side, hummed, then broke out in a string
of giggles.  "I get it!  Well, everyone knows that he's seeing someone. 
That's what he says.  The only woman he's ever with on campus is you. 
Fucking genius."
   Genius?  I shook my head.  I didn't care.
   "I don't care.  He and I are study partners.  What lies he tells to keep
his one night stands at bay is not ...  not!  my business."
   I couldn't gather my clothes fast enough.  It wasn't my business.  I
didn't care.
   As I marched back to my room I kept beating those lines into my head,
but the tears came anyway.  I hated being used.  I would have kept up his
stupid ruse if he'd bothered to tell me.  All the bullshit from the past
came right back.  Wounds I thought healed gushed with fresh misery.  What
was he getting from all those girls?  Was he only interested in sex?  Was
he taking pity on me?
   Yeah.  That's why I made such a great study partner.  I didn't look good
enough to distract him, and I gave him a decent cover story.
   Fucking asshole.  Genius.
   I was still bitching in my head as I put my clothes away.
   The genius called.
   I turned my phone to silent.  Fuck him.  We didn't have any homework to
do, no test to study for.  It was time for him to be partying or ... 
whatever he did.
   After I ignored the second call he texted me.  "I saw you go into your
dorm."
   I fumed at my desk wondering what to text back.  I jumped up and grabbed
my keys.  I couldn't type that fast.
   I cursed him in my head all the way to his dorm.  Stalking me?  I
thought he wasn't into that.  I blinked my eyes clear as I climbed the
steps to his room.
   He opened the door for me.
   He was alone.  I wanted to hit him, scream at him, set him straight.
   "You look upset.  Here." He cleared a book from his bed.  "Lay down."
   I hurried over to the bed and flopped down onto it.
   Fuck me sideways with a pair of scissors.  These sheets smelled just
like him.  I was drowning in his smell.  Musky, manly - a clean mixture of
his cologne and sweat.
   I needed to focus, remember what brought me here.  I needed to put him
in his place.
   His hands went to my back, massaging my shoulders and neck.  My mind,
along with all my rehashed rants turned to a mush.  In a moment, I'd yell
at him once I was relaxed.
   "I have some oil I can use if you want to remove your shirt."
   Hell yes.  I pulled off my top and lay down.  I didn't have a bra.  It
didn't matter.  He didn't find me attractive.
   His hands and the oil were heaven.  I could fall asleep right here on
his bed, no cares in the world.  I wonder how many other women have...
   I squelched the thought.
   Alex leaned down over my back once he finished.  "Why did you avoid me?"
   Fucking nerve.  I couldn't get up and he wouldn't move.
   "You ...  someone from my dorm assumes I'm your girlfriend.  She told me
that was the popular rumor on campus.  She even went as far as to inform me
that you are sleeping around.  If you're going to use me as an excuse not
to get attached, I would have appreciated a heads up."
   I squeezed my eyes shut.  I couldn't cry, not here.  My little rant
didn't have the fire or the venom I imagined it would.  Also, it was all a
lie.  I wouldn't have appreciated a damn thing about this arrangement.
   He settled on top of me, his legs over mine, his chest to my back.  He
didn't have on a shirt.  His skin burned next to mine.  Oh he felt
gorgeous. I firmly reigned in the urge to lift my hips.  I would not.  I
didn't care that his cock was laying against my ass.  Not one bit.
   "An excuse?"
   The thudding of my heart drowned out everything but the sound of him
breathing beside me.  I kept my eyes closed.  I couldn't bear to start
crying, to look so closely into his eyes or see those lips.  I wouldn't be
able to think straight.
   Excuse?  Why did he pose it like a question?  What was he trying to say
...  trying to ask me?  Fuck.  Why couldn't I catch my breath.  Establish
the facts.
   "Have you been telling people that I'm your girlfriend?"
   "Not those words exactly, but the message is the same."
   "What words did you use, exactly?" There it was: sanity, a bit of
control.
   "That I am already seeing someone, and I didn't want a relationship
other than the one I have."
   Facts.  "Were you talking about me?"
   "Yes, Mila.  Of course."
   "But Alex, we aren't.  We aren't seeing each other, dating, especially
not anything else."
   His fingers caressed my cheek.  "I spend most of my time with you.  Yes,
studying, eating, sight seeing, but I don't want anyone to come between
that."
   I felt so naked under him, so embarrassed.  It was worse now that he'd
confirmed all those horrid thoughts of mine.  Did I really just hear him
say we're only friends?  A friend he didn't want to lose, yet, but not one
he wanted to be with.  Just a firewall between him and the women he sleeps
with.
   "I'm sorry if you felt like I was using you as an excuse or whatever.  I
apologize.  I'll stop saying it that way, as long as you know that you are
the reason."
   "So what's the reason you're not slee--" I bit down on my lip before I
could let those stupid words tumble from my mouth.  I didn't want to sleep
with him!  I needed to get home.  I wanted to get out of here.  Fuck how he
made me feel, how stupid to made me act.  I arched my back and pushed him
off me.
   "The reason why I'm not--"
   "Fuck!  Don't you dare answer that!"
   I snatched my shirt over, but he wouldn't get off my legs.  He pulled me
down and wrapped his arms and legs around me, held me in place.
   "Hush and relax for ten minutes, why don't you?"
   I stopped struggling.  I don't even know why I bothered.  I couldn't
best him in a fight.  I was so embarrassed.  I wanted to shrivel and hide
inside the deepest, darkest hole.
   "I see you still like to run off in a fit of frustration, but not today.
I'm not ever letting you do that again."
   Would he just stop!  I wanted to disappear, turn small enough to slip
out of his hold.  He didn't say anything and my racing heart had to slow
down.  It must have been the cue he was waiting for.
   "If I let you go, promise to stay put?"
   I nodded.
   He sat up and handed me my shirt.  I sat with it in my lap.  What did
covering up matter?
   "When does your room mate get back?" I just needed to know if I could
leave my shirt off, but I hated how suggestive it sounded.
   "Get comfortable.  He's gone for the weekend." Alex grabbed his cell and
dialed a number.  "Hey Lisa.  Yeah, this is Alex." He chuckled.  "Just
fine, and you?  Yeah, Delivery.  Yes."
   Damn, had he fucked her too?
   Comfortable.  I kicked off my shoes and propped up on his pillow.  It
took every ounce of will not to bury my face in it and breathe deep.
   He ordered the sushi, remembering my favorites perfectly.  "Cards?" He
pulled a deck off his dresser.
   Hell no.  "Sure."
   He opened a drawer and held up a pair of his shorts.  "If you want to
get out of your jeans."
   "I don't need to wear your shorts." I unzipped my jeans and stepped out
of them.  If he wasn't interested in me sexually, then what did it matter?
I wasn't someone he wanted.  No matter how much that hurt, I could get over
it.  I would.
   He wasn't even a fucking human being.  Why did I care?
   "Nice." He shuffled the deck.
   Just then I knew I'd never wear anything but low-rise, high cut bikini
briefs.
   '...never let you do that again.'
   I'd been too busy trying to get away that I didn't realize what he'd
said.  What was he talking about?  There was only ever one time when I'd
run away from him.  I was a kid; he refused my friendship.
   The food arrived and we ate with few words, the vast comfortable silence
that was our normality.  I forgot about my hurt pride and seething anger.
We were great friends.  Why was I so upset that he wanted to preserve that?
I knew and I didn't care, like he said.
   How quickly I liked to forget that he could turn into a beast.
   When I yawned he pulled the covers back and ushered me in like a child.
He turned out the lights and slipped into bed with me.  He curled around me
from the back and I grinned like a fool in the dark.  I couldn't exactly
complain that he didn't want to sleep with me anymore.
   -_ Finals _Did I remember what I'd seen as a child?  All the damn time.
But that voice of derision and suspicion got quieter.
   During finals you needed at least 4 people for a study room, so we
walked out to the park.  We'd sit out under the open sky huddled together,
studying, quizzing each other.  We packed a lunch and ate together, talking
about classes.
   It was supposed to be one of the most stressful weeks, but I knocked
each of my tests out with ease.
   As for the nights over in his bed?  That hadn't been the last time, not
all that often though.  We had a sleepover on the rare days he wasn't out
with ...  others.
   The rumors burned with fresh fuel.  I had become the dumb girlfriend,
being used and taken advantage of, worse, letting him be a tramp.  They
could all think what they wanted.  Alex and I were just study partners,
friends from childhood, very much like siblings.
   Well, it was less painful when I thought of him as my brother, but more
awkward.  Alex was the only useful fodder for my masturbatory fantasies.  I
thought dirty, shameful things about him, and only him.  The orgasms were
beyond compare though.
   Exams were over and I joined my classmates at one of the upper classmen
dorms.  The shots had weird exotic names and the drinking games were a
riot. Since I'd been living the 'studious life' with Alex, I didn't accept
too many party invites.  It was nice to really get to know others, and I
tried to force my eyes to wander.  I could use a boyfriend for when Alex
was out sport-fucking.
   I didn't drink as much as others, but I started feeling weird much
sooner than I expected.  I knew I was a light weight, so I tried switching
to water.  Maybe I'd eaten something that didn't sit well.  I eased to the
back of the party and tried holding up the wall until my dizziness passed,
but whatever I was feeling wasn't going away.
   "Have you seen Alex's bitch?"
   "A few minutes ago.  It's working."
   "Go find her and get the camera."
   "I have this."
   "No, with a phone.  Who has Alex's number?  I want to text him."
   "That'll fix it for sure."
   A mass of giggling followed.
   My brain screamed directions.  I was tired, my stomach uneasy, and my
feet wobbly, but they were going to find me, and I needed to get out of
there.
   Thinking back to that night, I could have died, passed out in a ditch. I
crossed streets and walked around while drugged and confused.  However it
happened, I made it out of there and some place else.
   I crawled to room 103 and feebly pawed at the door.  The music on the
other side stopped and the door opened.
   "I don't know where I am." My words slurred over each other.
   He had to carry me across the threshold, but he brought me inside.
   Whatever it was, whatever they'd done, it went away after a couple hours
and a lot of water.
   I still didn't know where I was.  "Thank you."
   "You all right?"
   "Yeah.  Who are you?"
   "Jake.  This is my room.  Looks like someone drugged you."
   "Yeah." Fucking bitches.  All of them.
   "Is there someone I can call?"
   I shook my head and got to my feet.  Much better.  "What dorm is this?"
   "Davis."
   One floor up would have been Alex's room.  "I'll be all right.  Thanks
for being a gentleman." I handed him the glass and walked back to my dorm.
   Most of the people from my hall were either out partying or headed home.
Thankfully, my room mate fell into 'gone home' category.  I was in my
shower before the night really sank in.
   The cunt patrol that comprised Alex's fuck buddies drugged and nearly
got me killed.  Were they planning to have me raped?  What kind of pictures
did they want?  What if I had gotten lost?
   Fuck all of that.  They could have him.  I wouldn't die to stay friends
with him.
   I didn't run to Alex, because I knew he wasn't in his room.  He said
he'd be out that night.  I didn't ask where.  I didn't want to know with
whom.
   ***
   Via a few texts and friendly gossip, I discovered that I was wrong. 
Those women weren't trying to make him jealous because they wanted to be
his girlfriend.  He'd stopped fucking them, any of them.  I couldn't pin
down how long this 'dry spell' was going on, but everyone wanted to blame
me.
   Welcome to my fucking life.
   "Stupid fucking cows." Tears happened despite my best efforts to save
them for later.  I wiped my face and looked at my class mate, Joy.  She
stopped by and filled in the blanks.
   "I'm not fucking him.  I never have."
   Joy giggled as if I were telling a joke, then her jaw dropped.  "Never?"
   "Not once."
   "Oh my god.  Seriously?  I mean, wow.  What the fuck?  He turned you
down?"
   "What?  Not really.  I never asked."
   This seemed to be an even bigger joke.  "You've never even tried to kiss
him?  You poor girl.  Alex never makes the first move."
   I shook my head and buried my face in the pillow.
   -_ Winter _-
   I didn't breathe a word about the party to Alex, and nothing about the
winter break.  I had endured their gossip, bullying, and viciousness while
he spent those weeks with his mother.
   I wasn't able to go home.  "Too dangerous," my uncle said, and it was
too late for me to get a passport.
   I was stuck in hell with no way out.  I stayed in my room and only left
when absolutely necessary.  No one believed I wasn't his girlfriend, and I
didn't want to get drugged a second time.
   Three nights before the New Year, I woke to an early morning knock on my
door.
   I ignored it.  The last time someone visited my room it was to check if
I was 'hoarding him.'
   "Mila?"
   The sound of his voice pulled me from bed.  I opened the door and part
of me wanted to reach out for him, the other wanted to slam the door in his
face.
   "Still sleep?"
   "It's early." I muttered as I crawled back into my bed.
   "It's noon.  What happened?" There was a razor edge to his voice.  I
looked around my room trying to figure out if there was blood splattered on
the wall or something.  He looked angry, irritable.  What the hell?  Did
someone make up a story about me?  Create a 'shopped photo?
   Fuck him.  I was not his girlfriend.  Who cares?  I told him exactly
what happened.
   "The only thing that's happened is that your masturbation aides have
been taking their frustration out on me.  They bullied me.  It's over now.
I survived it, and that's the only thing that has happened."
   Shit.  Maybe he hadn't been talking about that.  My room didn't have
blood on the walls, but a few too many pizza boxes and take out counters
and dirty dishes ...  and dirty clothes.
   "I've been staying in my room."
   He grabbed an empty bag and started throwing things away.  "Were you
hurt?"
   Was I?  Almost.  "I got into it with one girl, but just shoving.  They
uh ...  I kept to my room.  I'm sick of it.  This is not my fault."
   He didn't ask any more questions, and I escaped to the shower.  By the
time I got out, my room was halfway back to normal.
   "Try again.  This time with details.  Do not lie to me, and leave
nothing out."
   Fuck.  What had he heard?  I pulled on my clothes and started from the
beginning.  I told him about the party, being drugged, finding Jake's room,
getting in a fight with Tonya, having a teacher, a fucking teacher!, rev
her car while I passed in front of her.  The notes under my door, the
texts.
   Everything.
   When I stopped, he grabbed two trash bags and grinned.  "Wow.  My mother
warned me never to underestimate the cruelty of a jealous woman.  Guess I
should have listened.  Grab that bag and let's go."
   I grabbed.  I went.
   "You were right.  This is my fault and I'll fix it."
   We chucked the garbage, but instead of going back to my room, he walked,
his arm thrown over my shoulders, to his dorm.
   His room was clean, warm, familiar.  I sat on his bed and waited.  He
kneeled on the floor in front of me.  "Do you remember the girls at the
party?"
   I shook my head.  "I only heard their voice."
   "I'll start with the ones that harassed you."
   Start what?  "Listen.  We should not be seen together."
   "You want it to stop, don't you?  You want me to make them leave you
alone."
   "Yes."
   He crushed a kiss to my lips.  His tongue probed my mouth, arousing me
and waking all the things I'd tried to trample until they were dead.  We
were kissing!  I had never, ever kissed him, and my goodness.
   What happened to 'Alex never making the first move'?
   "Why?" I gasped as we parted.  Stupid tears again.  "Why were you
fucking them anyway?"
   "And not you?"
   "And not just one person, one girlfriend."
   "It works better for me to ...  let off steam."
   "Okay, but you stopped."
   "Yes," he growled, a normal, human growl of frustration.  "They stopped
working."
   "Are you ...  stressed out now?" That question was an escape valve on my
arousal.  He wasn't normal.  I couldn't be with him.  It wasn't that he
liked them over me.  Just a typical boy, and a strange creature.
   "No.  Mila.  Damn it.  I'm horny and you're the only woman I want."
   "Alex, at least be honest." I pushed him back and got off his bed.  "I
wasn't fishing for a fucking complement.  You don't have to flatter me."
   "I thought you'd be freaked out." His words were soft, anxious.
   I stopped pacing and looked down at him.  He was still on the floor,
right where I'd pushed him.
   "You avoided me, ignored me.  I wanted to make you feel comfortable.  If
nothing else, at least that.  When I touched you, you tensed, but I thought
you wanted me."
   "I did."
   I didn't, but in truth, I did.  I tried to be different than anyone else
who liked him.  I wanted to rise above them, be immune to his charm, to
keep my wits.
   I had been a bitch.
   Alex sighed.  "Do you want me?"
   "That's not relevant.  I won't have you using me as bait, repellant, or
something to take your edge off." And all of that sounded stupid.
   "Fine." He stood.  His erection ...  fucking hell, his erection was
taunt against his sweats.  His jaw muscles flexed.  Was that anger?  Did I
say something wrong?  Was I in danger?  "They won't bother you anymore and
neither will I." He walked for his door.
   "No, Alex.  Stop." I ran over and wrapped my arms around him.  I kept
our hips apart though.  "Tell me whatever.  I'll believe you.  Tell me the
truth.  Right here and now."
   Alex snatched me up and tossed me onto his bed and pinned me down.
   I cried out.  He put his hand over my mouth.
   "Shut up and listen." He moved his hand and kissed me, his hands removed
my clothes and between kisses, he took off his.  I felt dizzy under his
powerful, electric body.  This was the full force of his charm, his
charisma.  This was everything I fantasized about in the dark being made
real.
   When he positioned his cock at my entrance, I tensed.  Should I say
something?
   I didn't have to.  He eased in a little, backed out, in a little.  Then
he stopped.
   Man, he felt delightful, and I wanted more.  My thighs relaxed and fell
open.  He slid deeper with the next stroke, but stopped.  The patterned
continued with him covering me in kisses, barely leaving me room to
breathe. He slid his hands under my hips and tilted them up.  I moaned as
he sank deeper inside me.  I shuddered as he moved out then back in, so
methodical.  How did he know?  Was it that obvious that I hadn't been with
anyone before?
   "You feel so much better than I thought you would." He breathed as we
found our rhythm.  It felt a thousand times better than I imagined, as a
point of fact.  I rocked my hips, wanting to feel an orgasm with him.
   He eased back on his pace.  "Take your time." His teeth pulled gently on
my ear lobe.
   When my climax arrived, it was a tsunami, moving silent but swift,
gathering energy and momentum through my body and then devastating me,
destroying my sense of time and space and self.  Alex was right there
holding me together.
   This is what I was squandering?  This is what I was kept away from them?
I'd fight a girl too.  In one orgasm I had sympathy and understanding for
my tormentors.
   Alex kissed my sweaty forehead as my shudders grew further apart.  "I
said my peace."
   "Tell me again," I said between pants.
   "Gladly."
   <->
   Epilogue: Fun fact: Alex's parents are Lucian and Serena (from Torment
of Angels, my published work).  In the original version of this story, Mila
was Kamela, but Kamela Damaton is taken by 'Play Book.'
Written: May 2009
"My sexual interests are like my eating habits.  I'll try anything once,
twice, if you prepare it differently." -Bianca Lee
   Contact: nysidra at hot mail dot com
  
Destined