Subject: My Thoughts About Adultery
Story Codes: nosex
Updated: April 25, 2018
Author: Kelly <pghp_girl@yahoo.com>
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
!!!WARNING!!!!
This file contains sexually explicit material which may include graphic
depictions of underage, nonconsensual and unprotected sex as well as
incest, adultery, sodomy and bestiality. It is distributed on a website
clearly identified as "For Adults Only". Possession by a minor is
strictly forbidden. If you are not legally empowered to be in possession
of such material, do not read it and delete it immediately.
This work is copyrighted 2018 to the author. It may be posted to non-
commercial "free" sites, or in the "free" area of commercial sites so
long as no changes are made to the content and the Author information is
retained. Any other use of this work is by written permission of the
Author only.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Summary
=======
Just the mention of the word adultery is enough to set some people off
the deep end and for good reason. How many marriages end because one of
the partners claims the other has committed adultery? Then again, is the
act of adultery really the root cause of what ruins the marriage or just
a symptom of something more deeper and insidious? There's also the
question of what exactly IS adultery? It's not really as cut and dry as
some people think. Like everyone else I have my own views which have
changed over the years. Getting married certainly changed my perspective
- in ways different than what you might think.
Note: I first wrote this long before I was married. Now that I'm married
I see things from a much different perspective so it's only natural
some of the guiding principles in my life have adapted to my role
as a married woman. To those who claim I'm being hypocritical or
somehow unfaithful to my core values and ethics, I disagree and
make no apologies. It's a natural part of life that as you grow
older and gain experience and insights that your belief system
matures and changes along the way. To be fair I've kept my old
philosophies from my earlier postings and then added a chapter to
reflect how I feel today about adultery.
Table of Contents
=================
Chapter 1 - References
Chapter 2 - My Pre-Marriage Position
Chapter 3 - Post-Marriage Thoughts
Chapter 4 - Conclusions
Chapter 1 - References
======================
"Thou shalt not commit adultery." - The Bible, King James version
"You shall not commit adultery." - The Bible, New International Version
"He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself.
He will get wounds and dishonor, and his disgrace will not be wiped away.
For jealousy makes a man furious, and he will not spare when he takes
revenge. He will accept no compensation; he will refuse though you
multiply gifts." - The Bible Proverbs 6:32-35
"Let marriage be honored among all and the marriage bed be kept
undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers." - The
Bible, Hebrews 13:4 (New American Bible Revised Edition)
"But God came to Abimelech in a dream by night and said to him, "Behold,
you are a dead man because of the woman whom you have taken, for she is a
man's wife." - The Bible, Genesis 20:3 (ESV)
"Adultery refers to marital infidelity. When two partners, of whom at
least one is married to another party, have sexual relations - even
transient ones - they commit adultery." - Catechism of the Catholic
Church 2380
"Adultery is an injustice. He who commits adultery fails in his
commitment. He does injury to the sign of the covenant which the
marriage bond is, transgresses the rights of the other spouse, and
undermines the institution of marriage by breaking the contract on which
it is based. He compromises the good of human generation and the welfare
of children who need their parents' stable union." - Catechism of the
Catholic Church, 2335
"Adultery is sexual relations in which at least one participant is
married to someone else." - Wikipedia
"Adultery is sex where at least one person is married and that person's
partner is outside his/her marriage family." - Mary (my mother)
"Sex is the penetration, however slight, of a female vagina by a male
penis. Even if the hymen remains intact or not all of the dick gets in
the pussy, it's still sex. Once ANY part of a dick is in her, even if
it's just the very tip, it's as good as ALL in. Thus a girl can have
an intact hymen but NOT be a virgin." - Kelly (me)
Chapter 2 - My Pre-Marriage Position
====================================
Note: This chapter was written long BEFORE I was married when most of my
ethics and morals influenced heavily by my mother.
In reading Chapter 1, it would seem at first glance that anyone having
sex with someone other than their wife or husband is committing adultery,
an act punishable by death in biblical times - of both parties involved!
However, a closer look reveals some subtle but key components. It's easy
to read something literally without taking into account the full meaning
and the implications of what's being said. For example, perhaps one of
the most abused verses in the Bible is where Paul exhorts women to
"submit to your husbands". People with an agenda have taken those words
totally out of context to validate their personal beliefs that women are
second-class citizens and subject to their husband's every demand.
Anyone reading the whole text and understanding the culture of the era
during which this statement was made would say something entirely
different.
For many people, it doesn't matter what the meaning is behind the words,
they take the 7th commandment literally without context. For them it's
black and white and there's no even discussing the matter. My own mother
is one of these people. For her, having sex with another man outside of
her marriage family is immoral and wrong. I have to say one thing
though, my mother practiced what she preached. In over 25 years of
marriage my mother never once had sex outside of her marriage family.
Yes, she had sex with her brother-in-laws and one of their sons but my
mother would tell you that she was not committing adultery because they
were within the boundaries of her marriage family. For example, as much
as she wanted to be with my fiance, it wasn't until after we said our
vows that she satisfied her desire to be with her new son - and she
didn't wait very long after the vows!
Let's face it, if the Bible was really all that easy to read and
understand we wouldn't have thousands of different churches and untold
translations. So it was with me. There come times when you have to make
your own decisions and so it was with my stance on adultery. So now it's
my turn to parse my words. As I mentioned, while my mom was firmly
against adultery, it was adultery as SHE defined it. She DID have sex
with my dad's brothers and one of her nephews which to less enlightened
people would be an act of adultery. Not so as she rationalized her
actions by expanding the conventional definition of "marriage" to include
more than just her husband but rather extending to their immediate
families as well. Thus per her definitions when she married my dad she
effectively married his family too. Although she admitted to me once
that this was more than what most people would accept, she felt strongly
about it. In her mind if it was OK for her to continue having sex with
her own father after she was married then why not the other men in her
family as well?
Naturally while growing up I was heavily influenced by my mother's belief
systems and morals when it came to such matters. After all, how do you
argue with success? With half of all marriages ending in divorce,
SOMETHING must have made a difference in my parents' marriage. While I
would never say it was all due to how they dealt with adultery, I DO
believe it was a major contributing factor. Yes, they eventually did
divorce but it was after over 25 years and had nothing to do with incest
or sex within their families.
In keeping with the teachings of my mother, my expectations are that once
I'm married I'll be faithful to my husband and never commit adultery. Of
course I'll continue having sex with my dad and maybe my uncles along
with whatever family members on my husband's side wish to be
involved, if any. However, when it comes to anyone outside of our
marriage family then they will be off-limits for sex once I say, "I do."
To be honest it isn't something I'm entirely happy looking forward to
but it's something that I feel that I have to comply with if I'm going to
live by my mother's biblical faith and morals. In a way it's like those
times when I'm not really in the mood but my father needs me. Being a
Christian daughter my father's sexual needs come first so I always
fulfill the duties and obligations that come with being his daughter
without hesitation. Without being too boastful I'm proud that I've never
said NO to my dad, well at least when it comes to his sexual needs. So
too will I fulfill my obligations as a wife when my marriage becomes a
reality.
If there is one bright spot it's that to commit adultery means having
SEX. Thus as long as I don't allow another penis to penetrate my vagina
everything else remains "legal". Blowjobs, fondling, and such are not
sex by definition so engaging in those activities does not constitute
adulterous behavior. I'm sure it will be difficult at times to restrain
myself once things get going but I'm confident that if my mother was able
to do it then so can I!
So that's my position on adultery. To be sure I respect what other
people do and believe even when I don't agree with them. All I ask is
the same courtesy and respect in return.
Chapter 3 - Post-Marriage Thoughts
==================================
Note: This is my current position on adultery now that I'm married.
It's amazing how your perspective on life can change with just two little
Words - "I do." As Steve's wife the Bible places him at the head of our
household and requires that I submit to him. Before anyone sends me
hate mail I'm referring to biblical submission which has nothing to do
with BSDM or that sort of baloney. In fact, I wrote an entire article on
submission called "My Thoughts About Submission" as this is such a
complicated topic. To keep it simple for now there are principles and
morals that I've always deemed to be irrevocable that I have now found
that needed to be modified somewhat to allow for me to submit to my
husband's needs and desires. There's a limit to how far I will bend but
when I can I do if that is what it takes to please my husband.
Adultery is one of those key moral issues that I'll never abandon.
Adultery is a sin per the Ten Commandments and as such something I simply
will NEVER do. The key becomes what is adultery?
Referring back to Chapter 1, the one thing that stands out in all of the
statements is the implication that the person being charged with adultery
has done these acts without the consent of their spouse. "Make a man
furious", "breaking the contract", "sexually immoral", and "transgresses
the rights of the other spouse" are all phrases that point to injury
being made on the uninvolved spouse.
People have asked why I've changed my views on adultery. No, it wasn't
because I was anxious to go out and have sex behind my husband's back and
thus looked for a means to rationalize such behavior. So long as I'm
married to Steve I will NEVER cheat on him. Actually the only reason I
even considered whether or not I was handling the issue of adultery
correctly was to please my husband. Before we got married we both sat
down and stated what we expected of our marriage. Mostly we discussed
non-sexual things like finances, children, careers, etc. My biggest
concern at the time was incest as Steve didn't believe in incest when we
were engaged. This was initially quite a sticking point but I made it
clear that my responsibilities to my father were irrevocable. It took
some convincing but we finally came up with an accommodation - basically
our own version of "don't ask, don't tell".
Steve made it clear before we were married that he did NOT want a
monogamous relationship and that he expected us both to continue seeking
out other partners both alone and as a couple, just as we did during our
engagement. He told me that he felt too many marriages fail because the
partners become bored so occasional sex with other people would keep our
marriage fresh and exciting.
Clearly I was faced with a serious ethical dilemma. While I was resigned
to limiting my sexual exploits to our families, I wasn't about to fall
into that trap of marrying Steve and expecting him to change. I've seen
enough marriages fail because they entered into matrimony expecting that
the other would eventually see the light and change as they wanted. Of
course that doesn't happen so they end up divorced. My own Aunt Linda is
a prime example. She was divorced after just a couple years when her
husband was unable to accept her having sex with her father - something
he claimed before the wedding he would be OK with her doing.
Thankfully as I studied and prayed about the issue God showed me that the
Bible wasn't so much against sex outside of marriage but rather someone
having sex outside of marriage against the will of their spouse. It was
a revelation in that it became clear to me that what was being said in
essence was NOT no sex but rather no CHEATING. Back in biblical days I'm
not sure if there even words to differentiate the two acts so "adultery"
was used for both. Then there's also the consideration that the Bible
wasn't written in English and reflects the bias of the translators so how
literal can one really be when reading the text?
What God revealed to me was to substitute the word "cheating" in place of
"adultery" in the quotes at the start of this article. The results were
mind boggling! With this one simple change in interpretation of a word I
suddenly had no problem agreeing to all of the prohibitions. In other
words by saying "cheating" in lieu of "adultery" I could stick with my
existing morals and not even have to compromise!
It was so obvious... cheating leads to jealousy, feelings of betrayal,
low self-esteem, and can easily be a stake in the heart of even the best
marriages. Cheating on your spouse is about the lowest thing a person
can do. On the other hand if your spouse is OK with you doing something,
even it's having sex with someone else, why is that wrong? You're not
cheating after all. Of course such things should be discussed and
communicated well BEFORE anything is done. Getting caught and then
trying to get your spouse to understand and forgive is still cheating...
and still wrong on every level.
Steve and I have had many long discussions on this topic so he knows full
well just how important it is to me that we maintain the proper
biblically-correct relationship between us at all times. Whenever
possible we discuss our plans for sex with other people ahead of time so
there are no surprises. Of course there are those windows of opportunity
that sometimes arise and won't stay open for long so we've agreed it's OK
to take advantage of such opportunities without having to ask for
"permission". Over time we've come to where we don't come home and
"report" everything we do. Our love and mutual trust is strong enough
that we know in the end we want each other more than anyone else!
One of the key principles behind the success of our marriage is that we
have no secrets from one another when it comes to sex. So now my
definition of adultery is:
"When a married person has sex with someone not in their family (as
defined above) with the intent of cheating on their spouse."
It's the INTENT that defines adultery, not just the act of having sex.
It's important to note that someone can't commit adultery unless they're
married - how else can you cheat? As I have Steve's permission to enjoy
myself with anyone I want, when I have sex with a married guy behind his
wife's back HE is the one committing adultery, not me.
Chapter 4 - Conclusions
=======================
Adultery and cheating are issues like abortion and the death penalty.
People have strong opinions backed up by their reading of scripture,
their cultural background, and personal opinions. Just as with abortion,
reaching agreement on what's adultery is virtually impossible. As such I
respect other people's opinions and would never question how they deal
with the subject when it comes to their own marriage. All I ask is to be
given the same respect and not be questioned about my beliefs or have
people tell me I am a degenerate or some form of whore or pervert because
we believe differently. In the end I believe the final proof is to look
at the state of my marriage!
Whatever the belief the important thing is that BOTH people agree on it
before they marry and then follow through on those beliefs after taking
their vows. If not then it may take time but sooner or later the
marriage is doomed - if not by divorce then descent into a loveless
marriage of convenience.
What YOU decide to do in your marriage is ultimately up to YOU. I've
made my decision and feel perfectly comfortable with it. I plan to spend
the rest of my life married to the man I adore and love while also
enjoying a robust and varied sex life. There's no reason the two can't
be compatible!
THE END