Subject: A Case for BSDM
Written by: Tor <address withheld by request>
Posted by: Kelly <pghkelly@yahoo.com>
Sent: Tuesday, January 13, 2009
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!!!WARNING!!!!
This file is a work of fiction containing sexually explicit material which may
include depictions of underage, nonconsensual and unprotected sex as well as
incest and adultery. It is not intended to implicate any person or action by
them or me, nor advocate such practices. If you can't separate fantasy from
reality, get professional help - FAST!
The material is distributed as "For Adults Only" and possession by a minor is
strictly forbidden. If you are not legally empowered to be in possession of
this material, do not read it and delete it immediately.
This work is copyrighted to the author ©2010. It may be posted to non-commercial
"free" sites, or in the "free" area of commercial sites so long as no changes
are made AND the author information is retained.
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I just wanted to write you a note to say that I'm really enjoying the writing in
your Diary. :) One quick thing that popped out at me, is that it doesn't sound
like you have had any experience with real bdsm. You mentioned in one of the
stories about your uncle (and maybe another one as well) that the dominant men
you have been with have been really rough and unpleasant. The reason why I'm
writing is that there's a bdsm community, and that's not how they do it.
There's a difference between a dominant man, and a misogynist (or an asshole).
The second two either like hurting women, or don't really care whether they hurt
them, so long as they get off. Dominance, as defined by the bdsm community, is
based on power exchange. For example, when I'm with someone, even though I'm a
dom, what gets me off is not the fact that I'm hurting the woman I'm with. What
gets me off is the fact that she wants me to hurt her, and is getting off on the
pain (which could be as mild as a spanking or light tying up, or something more
extreme). They call it 'power exchange' in the community - and from what I
understand, the sub is not getting off on the pain, so much as getting off on
the fact that they have given the power to hurt them to someone else.
Wrapped up in all this is the concept that no bdsm play is done unless it is
safe, sane and consensual. Obviously, the only thing that separates bdsm play
from rape is the fact that the sub consents to everything - and surprisingly,
the sub is the one who is in control. Which doesn't initially make sense, but if
you realize that me, as the dom, may be willing (and enjoy, with someone who
enjoys it) activities ranging from light spanking to heavy flogging, golden
showers, and other extreme types of play (but no breath play or blood play).
The sub may only enjoy various types of spanking, with no bruising. As a
result, the person who is deciding how far we go, is the sub. Even during play,
I'm watching the person I'm with to make sure that they are still getting off
and enjoying themselves - if it appears that they are starting to not enjoy it,
I'll back off or try something else. The worst thing that could happen is that
the sub has to use her 'safe word' - which means that I haven't read her
correctly, and exceeded her limits. Even though we didn't go 'too far' - I
pride myself on my ability to take people to the edge of what they think they'll
enjoy, and beyond when they're ready for it. So someone having to use the safe
word represents a failure on my part. Although, I'm happy that no one has had to
use it with me, except a few people who wanted to test to see if I'd really
stop. Which is the last point I'd like to make - trust is essential for bdsm
play - you can't enjoy it if you don't trust the person you are with - both not
to hurt you when you're tied up, and to use your safe word before we go too far,
so that I know that you're truly consenting to what we are doing.
Sorry for the long rant - but I just wanted to let you know that not all doms
are assholes, or misogynists.
Tor
Tor - A Case For BSDM