Subject: Sex and Real Christianity (MF)
Written by: Hugh McAdams <hugh.mcadam@ymail.com>
Posted by: Kelly <pghkelly@yahoo.com>
Sent: Wed, 22 Jul 2009 14:37:33
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
!!!WARNING!!!!
This file is a work of fiction containing sexually explicit material which may
include depictions of underage, nonconsensual and unprotected sex as well as
incest and adultery. It is not intended to implicate any person or action by
them or me, nor advocate such practices. If you can't separate fantasy from
reality, get professional help - FAST!
The material is distributed as "For Adults Only" and possession by a minor is
strictly forbidden. If you are not legally empowered to be in possession of
this material, do not read it and delete it immediately.
This work is copyrighted to the author ©2010. It may be posted to non-commercial
"free" sites, or in the "free" area of commercial sites so long as no changes
are made AND the author information is retained.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kelly,
I'm Hugh, a 48 year old separated and divorcing guy with sole custody of my
kids... Yup, I put all that up front because first and foremost, that is who I
am... But I'm also a follower of Jesus Christ and a man who thanks God daily for
His salvation. And I'm a man who's constantly unlearning the legalism of my
past and rejoicing and moving into the new truth of a Biblical sexuality.
Most of us who grew up in the church of my day who sincerely loved Jesus
measured our spirituality in terms of sex. Not orgasms gained or loving
relationships consummated, but sexual relationships AVOIDED. The abundant
Christian life was not a life of joy and peace, but a life where we somehow
slipped by temptation, didnt' masturbate, didn't watch porn, didn't lust after
the beautiful and sexy women around us. How sad! How demeaning to God's
wonderful creation, especially His wild and crazy gift of sex.
I discovered masturbation by accident at age 14, but I'd been filled with sexual
longing and thoughts for as long as I can remember. My parents were as
repressive as the church - they felt they had to be! I remember my mom's
warning to keep my hands out of the front of my pjs... but Mom didn't get how
warm and pleasurable it was to wrap my hands around my little cock and balls...
I didn't have a girlfriend until college... but around the same time I
discovered masturbation, when the house was empty and I knew it would be for a
long time, I called an escort service... I had figured out what they REALLY
were... I had a mature voice. Poor girl, she was shocked at this gangly kid...
Still if I"d had the FULL amount of money, I'd have had sex that day... But I
only had the "initial call fee"... I didn't know about the "tip".
I wouldn't have a girlfriend or mess around because I didn't want to defile a
girl. But I was a raging sex cauldron... And by my second year at my Christian
College, I succumbed with great guilt (and great delight) and had my first sex
in a "Body Painting" parlor. My early 20s were marked by some wonderful ladies
in the escort business who became my friends... as well as my paid partners. I
did not know how rare it was, and what a compliment, that most of them allowed
me to kiss them (and we enjoyed it), went out on non-paying dates with me and
had orgasms (no, from what I know now they weren't faked as much as any man can
tell (which isn't saying much!) ).
You can guess I married a woman who used sex to control. And despite having
several kids, we didn't have much sex in our years of living together. Her
constant anger to the kids made me finally wake up and step in. But just before
we did, God started me on a new odyssey of discovery... The Liberated Christians
were just getting going and I shared their site with my then-wife. Their
attitude toward polyamory and swinging seemed foreign but freeing. I began to
really study the Bible and question the man-made rules. She was interested
too... The thought of swinging and multiple partners was the only thing that
ever sustained her interest in sex. Unfortunately, in the end, she always used
it against me, blaming me for her interest.
Here's where I find your site so refreshing. You're unashamedly Christian. You
love Jesus and are grateful for His salvation. He is your Lord. And you have
sex with your parents. While we don't see things exactly the same (who ever
does?) I understand where you're coming from a bit I think. I am grateful to
your solid commitment to God. And I begin to understand that we live in age
where the Law is past. I have next to no thought of sex with my children, but I
am learning to be open with my own sexuality... more and more. And I feel a
kinship with you as one exploring on the edges, and certainly OUTSIDE
acceptability within the church.
I have no urge to reform the church. But I do feel deeply for those who are
being shamed... I want to be a harbor of safety for them... Such as a young
woman who is a youth leader and recently was found to be having sex with her
boyfriend. She's a beautiful woman with a deep heart for God and her mother and
others are making her feel as though she is deeply flawed and
shameful. Interestingly, she speaks obliquely of the "shame of incest" in her
past. I'm looking for ways to quietly reach out to her and encourage her and
her boyfriend. I believe the church leaders are going directly against God in
condemning her and hurting not only her but the youth as well.
If any of this strikes a chord in YOU, I'd love to compare notes... how do you
relate within your church setting? How do you "hide" your activities? Do you
fear "outing"? Did you go through a period of shame when the youth group would
talk about abstinence?
Yeah, and of course, I hafta add, you're a darned good writer.
:).... Hugh
Hugh McAdams - Sex and Real Christianity