Subject: Revelations (incest, mast, nosex)
By: Kelly <pghkelly@yahoo.com>
Diary Date: February 14, 2010
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!!!WARNING!!!!
This file is a work of fiction containing sexually explicit material which may
include depictions of underage, nonconsensual and unprotected sex as well as
incest and adultery. It is not intended to implicate any person or action by
them or me, nor advocate such practices. If you can't separate fantasy from
reality, get professional help - FAST!
The material is distributed as "For Adults Only" and possession by a minor is
strictly forbidden. If you are not legally empowered to be in possession of
this material, do not read it and delete it immediately.
This work is copyrighted to the author ©2010. It may be posted to non-commercial
"free" sites, or in the "free" area of commercial sites so long as no changes
are made AND the author information is retained.
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Summary:
Until just recently I would have contended that I finally had my life pretty
much in order. My religious beliefs were biblically grounded. From these
beliefs, I’d worked out the moral and ethical principles to guide my actions.
My career goals were laid out and I felt I knew “what I want to be when I grow
up”. While marriage still seemed to be a distant goal, I enjoyed good
relationships with my family and friends. Yep, I was perhaps even a bit smug,
confident that I pretty much had everything under control.
A lot can change in a short time. Sheesh, was I just naïve or stupid? Well, it
just goes to show you can never take anything for granted.
Table of Contents:
Chapter 1 – A Confession to My Readers
Chapter 2 – Clueless
Chapter 3 – Stunned
Chapter 4 – Going Forward
Chapter 5 – Unanswered Questions
Chapter 1 – A Confession to My Readers
======================================
If there is one question I get asked more than any other, it’s “Are your diary
stories true?” My answer is always a qualified “yes”. The “qualified” part is
because while the plots and overall scenarios are factual, I have always openly
admitted to making a few modifications to maintain the privacy of everyone
involved – especially me. Certainly it can be no surprise to anyone that I
change the names but there are also lots of little things I have to change that
people might not realize which could might aid someone with devious motives.
First, I obviously don't post an entry about every date, party, or event I am
involved in. My “diary” is actually a selection of stories which I see as the
“highlights” of my life. Not all of them are necessarily “good times”. In the
end, I write about the times that made me who I am today. With that in mind,
does it really matter what hair color someone has, how tall they are, or even
exactly how old they are? Does it matter to the story which restaurant or movie
theater I really go to, or even what school? Is the exact date crucial to the
meaning of the story? There’s no way I can include EVERY detail or I’d be
writing novels. Does the dialogue have to be exactly what was said? The point
is, none of these “minor” things have any bearing on what the overall story is
about or what happened, so why should anyone care that I have changed them
unless they are out to do me harm? Thus I don't feel that by changing any of
these minor things makes my Diary any less a reflection on my life for what it
covers and I make no apologies. Face it, unless you actually met, me, you would
never know the difference anyway.
Now and then, however, there are things that I DO lie about or deliberately
“embellish”, usually because they are every sensitive subjects or could be taken
the wrong way. I’m not necessarily proud when I have to resort to this, but
it’s my web site and I set the rules! This doesn't happen often and I consider
it a last resort. Perhaps one of the biggest events in my life that I have been
blatantly dishonest about in my diary has to do with my parent’s marriage.
While they indeed had a long, and for the most part good marriage, it’s
certainly had it’s ups and downs just like any other – maybe even more. I have
always loved my mom and dad dearly so I plead guilty to presenting their
marriage a little more positively than it is really was out of respect for them.
Well, a LOT more positively if I am being honest now.
What I am leading up to is that when I say my parents’ marriage WAS good, it’s
in past tense not because my mother died a year and a half ago. Sure, that is
what I have said in my diary but the real reason is because they got divorced.
Frankly, I was totally blindsided when they told me. Of course I knew there
were issues between them; I heard them fighting when they thought I wasn't
listening although for the most part I didn't know why. Still, all marriages
have their rough moments and I never dreamed they would actually ever go so far
as to split up.
My parents’ break-up was a tremendous blow to me which is why my web site went
off-line for a few months while I tried to sort my life out. My first reaction
was to just drop the whole website thing altogether. I mean, after all I’d said
for years about how wonderful my parents’ marriage was, how could I explain why
they were now divorced? With my mom out of my life, having moved to the west
coast near where her best friend lives, how would I address her in any future
stories without mentioning the divorce? After thinking and praying about it
long and hard, I came up with the idea that I would say she died in a car crash
and thus nobody would wonder why I never mentioned her again. Of course anybody
trying to find a newspaper account or police record of such a crash during that
time period would realize it was a fake story, but I didn't think too many
people would be THAT driven into looking into my private life and even if they
did question me, I could always just ignore them.
To minimize the questions, I avoided making an “announcement” or anything big
about her “death” on my site. Another reason for minimizing the “death”
scenario was I wanted to avoid becoming like so many of the crappy stories on
the Internet that start with a parent’s death which leads to sexual relations
between family members. It helped that I’d never said a lot about my mom on my
website before so it wasn't that big a stretch to stop mentioning her
completely. Although a few people mentioned it to me later, all I had to do was
say I didn't want to talk about it and they dropped it. Now, over a year later,
it rarely gets any attention. In the end, my mom is out of my life one way or
the other so did it really matter why? Ironically, I think it would have been
easier if she HAD died.
I’m sure anyone reading this is wondering why did my parents divorced after all
the wonderful things I have been saying over the years about their marriage.
Until just recently, I really didn't know all the facts. Oh sure they gave me
the usual “incompatible” rationalizations, but I always felt in my heart they
weren’t telling me the entire truth. The fact that mom has not contacted me
since she walked out tells me there were some major issues which nobody wants to
discuss with me. Still, if both parties refuse to discuss it, then how was I
suppose to find out the truth? Well, until now I didn’t.
So why am I confessing this all now? It’s been a year and a half and everyone
has bought the “mom killed in a car wreck” story so why rock the boat? Well,
this entry is about recent events that were VERY important to me, events that
will profoundly change my life and I felt it was important that people
understand why things will be different for me in the future. The problem I
faced was choosing to either completely fudge things about my mom and her role,
or fess up about the real reason she “died” and thus tell this story more
truthfully and completely. In the end, I chose the latter if for no other
reason than it makes it a lot easier to write! I’ve always said that reality
was easier to write about than fantasy. Trying to twist the events I am about
to write about to fit the death scenario would have been difficult it not
downright impossible.
A final word on this subject...
I hope that the people who read my site and have been so supportive of me over
the years will understand my motives and forgive me for lying to them about my
mother’s “death”. In my heart I never intended to deceive anyone any more than
absolutely necessary, hence the usual “I don’t want to discuss it” response when
people would ask me about my mom’s “death”. Until now it really didn't matter
all that much whether she was killed or not as since after the divorce she has
been dead to me, maybe not in body but in spirit. Thus had not the recent
events occurred, odds are I would’ve never said another word about it. For
better or worse, things HAVE changed a LOT recently so I just wanted to clear
this up before I continued. Be forewarned that as I write this I will be
referring to my mom as she REALLY was, so don't be confused if it conflicts with
past entries as I am not going to go back and change them.
Chapter 2 – Clueless
====================
This past weekend was quite a time for me. It all started when I innocently
called my Aunt Linda to discuss the upcoming Valentine’s Day. As always, I was
brimming with excitement as to what my dad might be getting me this year. My
boyfriend Randy had already sent me the standard-issue bouquet of flowers and I
assumed a card would soon follow, maybe with luck a box of Godiva chocolate (if
he could take a hint). I wasn't all that worried about randy anyway since he’s
not the overly romantic type to start with, plus we aren’t exactly THAT close,
at least in terms of any long-term relationship. My dad, though, was a
different story. He’s always doted on me for Valentines Day, even more than
Christmas some years. I still remember that sexy lingerie outfit he bought me a
couple of years ago. Did it REALLY come without panties or did he
“accidentally” leave them out? LOL
My aunt started to say something to me but then there was a long pause on the
phone as if she was considering carefully what she was going to say. Even after
all that she would only tell me was that I needed to talk to my dad – and soon.
When I tried to press her she refused to say anything more than, “I think maybe
it’s time you were finally were told a few things.”
Well, you can imagine how well THAT went over with me so I promptly called my
dad and asked him point blank what the heck my aunt was talking about. My first
sense that something was indeed amiss was when he seemed more surprised that my
aunt had SAID such a thing than WHAT she had said. Then he too acted all dark
and mysterious, asking me if I could stop over later in the evening to “talk”.
THAT got my attention as usually when my dad wanted me to come over later in the
evening it wasn’t to talk!
For the rest of the day I was totally distracted as all I could think about was
what in the world they could be talking about. Something kept telling me that
they were going to announce that they were getting married. When they’d first
started seeing more of each other after the divorce had settled down, I assumed
that it was just the two of them enjoying each other’s company again – in a
variety of ways with sex, of course, being the primary motivator. My dad has
always had a special thing about sex with my aunt so that certainly wasn't
surprising. When my aunt eventually moved in with my dad, they assured me that
it was just for convenience sake. Yeah, I knew exactly what “convenience” they
were wanting! But hey, I wasn't arguing as it let me move out of my apartment
and save on rent money.
Still, for some reason I’ve never been able to picture them getting married but
then I may have missed the signals. Looking back, I guess they never actually
came right and SAID they weren't ever going to do anything more than just live
together. Maybe I had just assumed it based on their comments and behaviors.
Then there was the whole divorce thing. I could never imagine my dad ever
getting married to another woman after what happened with my mother, and
especially not to her sister, regardless of the sex.
Also standing in the way of any marriage plans was the issue of our extended
families, most of who were still in a state of shock over my dad and my aunt
living together. I could only imagine the tongue wagging if they announced they
were getting married. It would have been bad enough had the “other woman” moved
in with him after my mom left, but when that woman was her own sister... well I
shouldn't have to draw a picture for you to know what people were saying about
them as it was. And then to get married on top of it all? No way.
Sometimes I amaze myself at how clueless I can be, especially when it comes to
reading my own father. I don't know if my judgment is clouded because he’s my
father and I have these preconceived notions of how I THINK he should react and
behave, or maybe something else. Whatever it is, all through my life there have
been so many times when I was sure about something regarding him, only to find
out later I was completely off base. Usually it had to do with what he wanted
for Christmas or something as inane, never anything TOO serious. This time it
was starting to look like I’d missed something much more serious.
One of the earliest of those “clueless” times was back when I was only eight
years old. I’ve written about all this before in “My Thoughts About
Masturbation” so I won’t repeat all the gory details here. Essentially I was
with both of my parents in our hot tub after my mom had caught me watching my
dad masturbate. My mom has always maintained that her sole intent was to teach
me about male masturbation and what better way than to let me help him do it in
a controlled environment? I can distinctly remember to this very day how
fascinated I was when my dad’s cock started to grow, becoming erect as I held
it, and then how much he enjoyed it when she told me to rub it with my hands.
I’d seen him cum before when he masturbated but it still caught me completely by
surprise when without any warning he suddenly started shooting it all over me
and into the water. Nothing went in my mouth or anything so my mom just washed
it off my face and chest without making a fuss over it.
After he’d cum, my dad held my head and he started pulling it closer to him but
my mom became upset when he did that and told him to stop. Of course at the
time I had no idea that what she wanted him to stop doing was me sucking his
dick! My mom certainly figured it out quick enough though! Well, because of
her intervention it would be another eight years before I ever held my dad’s
cock again, and then it was only because I initiated it. This was a perfect
example of how I had no idea what my dad’s true desires were for me when it
should have been obvious. Even though I was eight years old, I would think a
girl’s natural instincts would have taken over and I would have done just fine.
Oh wee, just a perfect example of me being clueless even when I was younger.
Of course, I don't blame myself for being eight years old and not realizing what
my dad really wanted, but that doesn’t excuse me for missing all the hints and
signals he sent my way as I got older, especially when I turned fourteen and
started having sex and giving all the boys at school and church blowjobs. It
sort of turned me on that my mom and dad liked to hear about my dates,
especially the sex parts. While I knew my dad would usually get an erection
when I described what I’d done, I just figured it was a natural male reaction to
a sexual situation – not anything to do with me personally. In other words I
was clueless.
Perhaps had I grown up in a more “typical” family where sex talk was taboo and
masturbation something that was hidden and NEVER discussed, maybe then I would
have realized sooner what my dad really wanted from me. Instead, I was raised
in relatively conservative environment where while nudity was acceptable, it
still had to be under the proper conditions such as bathing, dressing, or like
when we were in the hot tub. Running around stark naked was NOT allowed. My
mom always insisted that I wear SOMETHING to learn at least a little modesty.
The lessons became so engrained as I grew up that to this day I don't even run
around nude in my own place.
In a similar manner, masturbation was something I was taught at an early age as
being a normal thing that people did when they felt the need – no different that
scratching an itch. Although I didn’t start seriously masturbating until I was
eleven, I often saw my parents doing it, especially my dad, before then. It
wasn't just when he watched porn but even just regular TV shows (Amanda Tapping
on StarGate SG1 has always been one of his favorites) would get him hard and
make him have to take care of his needs then and there in his chair. It’s not
like he whipped it out and made a big deal of it or said anything – he just did
it. If I happened to be there then I saw him, if not I didn’t – simple as that.
So in such a casual setting, can I really be blamed for not realizing that there
were times when my dad was masturbating because of ME? While I didn't lounge
around the house naked, I didn’t exactly overdress, especially during the
evenings. My favorite outfit when I got into my teens was one of his dress
shirts or sometimes just a t-shirt. Since I was a little girl I’ve always had
an issue with panties and so I seldom wore them - and in the evening I NEVER
wore them at all. Thus at times when I was laying on the couch or doing things
around the house, I’m sure my bare ass was on display but I didn't give it a
second thought since I was taught that it wasn't anything to be ashamed of.
Besides, it’s not like I wiggled it suggestively for him or anything naughty
like that unless we were joking around. So was my dad masturbating because my
t-shirt had ridden up or because of what was on TV? At the time I never even
considered it could be anything but the TV. In other words I was clueless.
Yet another example of my being naïve as a teen regarding my dad was when I
started dating boys and bringing them home for sex. My parents told me from the
beginning that they would rather I bring them home than do it in the backseat of
a car or some other place where we might be caught or not be safe. Of course my
boyfriends had no idea I had my parents’ permission to have sex in my bedroom so
they usually were a little nervous at first doing me while my parents were
downstairs, but that quickly disappeared once we started doing it. They
would’ve REALLY freaked if they’d known my dad often watched us by spying
through the crack in the bedroom door I always made sure was there.
At the time he told me it was to make sure I was safe and I actually DID feel
much more secure knowing my dad was nearby in case something got out of hand.
The idea that he might be just as interested in seeing two teenagers having sex
as he was in my security never crossed my mind! Still, why would it? It as just
sex and my dad had a HUGE porn collection so why would I think he needed to get
off watching me? Yeah, I know it sounds stupid, but I believed him. He WAS my
dad after all so why would I think he wanted to have sex with me? In other
words, I was totally clueless.
It wasn’t just his thoughts about sex with me that I misunderstood as a
teenager. Somehow I totally misread his desires and relationships with other
women. My parents taught me from the beginning that adultery was a mortal sin,
the absolute worst thing a husband or wife could do to their spouse. They
assured me that they’d always been faithful to one another since they were
married and always would be – no swapping or anything like that. As it turned
out, they weren't lying about the results, but there was a lot more I didn’t
know when it came to unmet desires and the resulting frustrations.
Before I started having sex with them myself, I had absolutely no idea that my
mom had an incestuous upbringing along with her sister. It wasn't just THEIR
dad that wanted both sisters, later it would be MY dad as well. If there was
one thing about my dad’s sexual needs that I failed to realize before it was
too late, it was how he much he craved sex with my mom’s younger sister. My mom
had told me early on that my dad had dated both sisters in high school. When I
was old enough to understand, she even confessed they both had sex with him as
well. Yet somehow it never crossed my mind that my dad and her sister might
have continued doing anything after everyone was married.
Along the same lines, I was always told my aunt had to get a divorced because
she and her husband didn't get along. It wasn’t until I got involved with
incest that I was informed of the real reason the split –her insistence on
continuing to enjoy sex with her brother-in-law. While technically it should
have been OK for them to have sex since it was just incest, that doesn't mean
the left-out spouse was necessarily on board. As it turned out, Aunt Linda’s
husband bailed early while my mom lived with it for over 25 years before she got
fed up as well.
Soooooo... when I was younger and my aunt would stop by and she and my dad
would disappear for a while, I was told he was just helping her out with her
finances or some legal issues regarding her realty business. It wasn’t until my
dad started having sex with me that my mom told me what they REALLY did
upstairs! OK, so once again I must appear to be a little dimwitted but put
yourself in my shoes. Would YOU think YOUR aunt was fucking your dad,
regardless of how many times they were alone together? (Of course, the fact his
study was on the first floor and the bedroom was on the second should have been
a red flag but only if you know to look for it.) I had no reason at all to
suspect anything so I didn’t. In other words, I was clueless.
It wasn't just my aunt that my dad was fucked besides my mom without me knowing.
Once I left for college my dad started having sex with my younger cousin Kristi.
She was sixteen at the time, the same age I’d been back when he started with me.
Kristi had started having sex years before so it wasn’t like he took her
virginity or anything remotely close. To be blunt, he used her to fulfilled his
need for teenage pussy which until I left for home, he got from me. Well,
clueless Kelly went an entire school year without ever suspecting a thing, not
even during the breaks and visits back home when they would do it right
literally right behind my back at times. In all fairness, why SHOULD I have
suspected anything? Why would I think my dad was fucking my cousin? Still, all
excuses aside, I totally missed what should have been obvious to me. In other
words, I was clueless.
It wasn't until the following summer that I was told what was going on between
my dad and Kristi, and even then they had to do it right in front of me before I
fully comprehended it. Seriously though, how many girls would NOT be surprised
to find out their father was fucking their younger cousin? It was yet another
case where I failed to grasp the true needs and desires my dad had within him –
and the lengths to which he was willing to go to satisfy them. Yet another case
where I was clueless.
Of course, my dad fucking my aunt and cousin wasn't morally wrong – it was only
incest after all and thus not adultery. If he wanted to fuck them, he had the
right to do so and as the de facto head of my aunt’s family now that she was
divorced, they technically had an obligation to submit to him – as if that was
ever an issue! It was just the fact that I failed to see the blatant signals
and realize what was going on right in front of me over long periods of time
that goes to show how I don't always understand my own father. Yes, I was
clueless.
It wasn’t just family girls that my dad fucked. I can’t express my surprise
when he fucked my best friend Beth and my mom’s best friend Tammy. As I said,
fucking his sister-in-law and niece was morally OK since that was incest which
is NOT adultery. However, sex with Beth and Tammy was another thing entirely
since they were not members of our family and thus it WAS adultery. Sure it was
crazy erotic and super hot at the time, but it made me more than a little
uncomfortable afterwards given how much my parents had always preached about the
sins of adultery. They rationalized his behavior it to me at the time by saying
that as best friends for so many years, Beth and Tammy were virtually part of
our family but still, it WAS a pretty thin rationalization. The fact I accepted
it without realizing the full implications just goes to show how clueless I
could be, even when I was in my late teens and supposedly so smart and
sophisticated.
Take it from me, it’s pretty hard to admit being clueless about so many things.
Still, none of this was anything at all of the magnitude of the things I was
even more clueless about, things I was about to find out for the first time in
my life. As I was sitting on my bed, waiting to go over to my dad’s house and
find out what this mystery was all about, you would think I might have figured
some of these BIG things out for myself. Looking back now as I write this, it
was all there, a simple puzzle just waiting for me to put the pieces together.
Somehow I was so blinded by my own beliefs and so assured of my relationship
with my father that all I could think about was what was happening between him
and my aunt. That it could have anything to do with me or my mom never once
entered my train of thought. Then again, I don’t blame myself TOO badly. After
all, why would I have ever imagined that I might have been wrong about so many
things that I considered to be the bedrock of my life?
Is it really my fault I’m so clueless at times? Maybe it was not so much
because I was clueless but that I was too trusting? THAT scares me more than
anything.
Chapter 3 – Stunned
===================
When I arrived at my dad’s house, I noticed my aunt’s car was gone which meant
it would be just me and my dad. Well, that sort of surprised me since I would
have thought any announcement such as what I was expecting would’ve been made by
the two of them together. Then again, maybe he wanted to break the news to me
by himself, knowing I would probably be pretty emotional when he did.
Taking a deep breath, I went in through the garage door entrance and into the
family room in the basement where I figured he would be. Normally my dad was
one in one three rooms – the bedroom, his study, or the family room. Under
different conditions, it wouldn’t have surprised me if he had been in the
bedroom, waiting for me so we could get right to it as quickly as possible. At
least for the start of tonight, I didn’t think sex was his primary need and
since the only time he was usually in his study was for work, that left the
family room. Sure enough, there he was with the TV blaring, slouched back in
his favorite recliner in sweats like he was ready to go work out.
“Hey Dad!” I greeted him, taking off my winter coat and hanging it over the back
of one of the chairs. With the cold and snowy weather I was in boots, jeans and
a heavy sweatshirt, not exactly my sexiest outfit to be sure but with the crappy
weather we’d been having, a necessity. In any case, there wasn't anything
underneath – top or bottom, just in case he should need any “help” from me later
it wouldn't take much to get myself prepared for him. I’d learned long ago when
it came to my dad, better to be prepared for anything! Nine times out of ten
(at least), “anything” meant something to do with taking my clothes off.
“Kelly!” he returned with a smile on his face. He patted his lap and I knew
what he wanted so I sat sideways on his lap with my legs hanging over the arm,
leaning in to him with my inner arm around his neck.
Without another word we kissed and he hugged me close with one arm while his
free hand quickly made it’s way between my legs and pressed in against my denim-
covered crotch. Hmmm, maybe I’d misunderstood the situation and he was just
horny for me after all. Granted I wasn't sixteen anymore but still, at 24 I was
almost half the age of my aunt and I knew while my dad LOVED fucking my aunt, he
also liked younger girls which is when he would use me and my cousin whenever he
got the “itch”. Of course, as his daughter I knew it was more than just
satisfying his lust, but he WAS a man and men have needs and if I could satisfy
my dad’s, I was more than happy to do so whenever he needed me. If there is one
thing I pride myself on, it’s having NEVER said ‘no” to my dad, at least when it
came to sex.
As it turned out, having sex with me wasn't his intention – at least not yet.
Although he held his hand firmly tucked in between my thighs, he stopped
pressing his finger into my crotch and leaned back as we broke our kiss.
“We need to talk Kelly.”
Oh boy, THAT was never a good omen. Any time growing up when he would start out
a conversation with those words I knew something was NOT going to be good. It
might have been when I spent too much on one of his credit cards. Other times,
especially when I was younger, it might have been about how I dressed or behaved
“inappropriately” in public – or at least worse than usual. Maybe the worst
time he uttered those words was when he and my mom announced their divorce.
Most recently had been when he told me that my aunt would be moving in with him,
although that hadn’t turned out so bad because it let me move in with my cousin
and stop paying rent.
“Yes daddy????” I said softly with a hint of a smile, preparing myself for what
I was still sure was going to be a wedding announcement.
He hesitated, the way he always did when he had something to tell me that he
knew I was going to have a hard time understanding.
“Well.... it has to do with your Aunt Linda...”
Yep, I knew it... here it comes! I was about to blurt out that I’d already
figured out what he was gong to say when he said something else that stopped me
in my tracks.”
“...and I guess it’s time I was honest with you about a few things as well.”
Oops, now THAT didn't sound like a precursor to a wedding announcement. From
the pained look on his face I knew instantly that it definitely was NOT about an
engagement. He might be worried that I wouldn't understand him marrying my
aunt, but he wouldn't look like it as hurting HIM so badly to tell me about it.
“Kelly, before that I need you to understand more about the relationship I have
with your Aunt Linda – and what I had with your mom and her as well.”
My mind was racing as what usually happens when it does, I was getting totally
confused. OK, so what did he mean by “before that”? Before what? Why bring up
my mom now?
“Kelly, you know I loved your mother and I never meant to do anything to hurt
her.”
Yeah right. So what good was it if it led to a divorce? Still, I kept my mouth
shut and let him continue.
“I know we haven’t discussed the divorce much since your mom left.”
Like duh! Still, I just nodded, wondering if he was going to finally open up
about things with me. I’d long given up that he would ever tell me the full
story so maybe for some reason he finally was going to spill it.
“I suppose by now you’ve probably figured out that your mom and I split because
of something to do with your Aunt Linda.”
Actually, while I may have wondered about it at times, I really did NOT have any
strong feelings that she was the reason for my parents’ divorce. Why would I
think such a thing anyway? My parents believed whole-heartedly in the concept
of incest and so it was OK with my mom for her husband to have sex with her
sister if for now other reason than she had to be since Aunt Linda was family.
However, outside of the family he wasn't allowed to be with other women because
that would be adultery. I guess had I never started sex with my dad that I
never would have known about him and my Aunt Linda. Still, my mom had never
given the slightest hint that she was jealous or upset with the amount of sex my
dad had with her younger sister which is why I never seriously considered it a
reason for their divorce.
“I know you’re familiar with how your grandfather took your mom and her sister’s
virginities and even a little bit how it wasn't entirely consensual at the time.
After all, your aunt WAS only twelve at the time. However, I’m not so sure you
fully realize that despite what you may have been told, it never DID become 100%
consensual. I hate to say this, but your grandfather abused them both, even if
nobody wants to admit it. Even your mom has a hard time discussing it which is
why she prefers the more pleasant version she told you. It’s the real reason
why your grandmother never got involved and why to this day she still doesn't
like to talk about it.”
“But dad, if that’s the case then why did mom always claim that she was so happy
that I finally had the same relationship with you that she had with her dad?”
My dad just stared at me, as if he was expecting me to provide the answer.
Seeing I wasn’t quite getting it yet, he added, “Think about it Kelly... I know
what she SAID but did she really? Think about how she acted when you were
younger, the restrictions she imposed on me and how overly protective she was of
you, especially when it came to me.”
I just sat there in silence, mulling this all in my head. Then suddenly, it was
like the proverbial light bulb turned on over my head. Was this why my mother
had insisted that if anything happen between my dad and me that I had to be the
one to initiate it? I’d always figured it had something to do with her first
time with her dad which I knew wasn't the best, but still I never suspected she
had THIS strong of a reaction to it. :Like, what would have happened if I had
never initiated anything? Until now, I’d assumed that sooner or later she
would’ve stepped in as I got older, perhaps discussing it with me or otherwise
helping me to make a decision. Ultimately, I’d always assumed that my mother
WANTED me to have an incestual relationship with my father, but she wanted me to
be the one to get it started. Was I wrong? It didn't seem possible.
“So dad... are you trying to tell me that mom didn't really believe in incest?”
The disbelief was thick in my voice. This was impossible. No way. Not after
all these years and having seen so much. With mom g9one my dad could make up
anything so what was he trying to accomplish with all this?
“That’s a complicated question Kelly, and I really don't mean to sound evasive.
Although she felt it was not a sinful act, so long as it was true incest, let’s
just say I don't think she would have been overly upset had you and I never done
it”
Wow, talk about a body blow! Still, those things HAD happened so it wasn't
making any sense to me. If she was really against incest, she sure had a funny
way of showing it!
“But what about you and Aunt Linda?” I asked, deflecting the issue for the
moment about me and him, “ I thought mom was OK with you fucking her after you
and mom got married?”
This time my dad really looked uncomfortable, as if this was something he had
been hoping to avoid but now that he had opened Pandora’s box, there was no
stopping.
“Truth be told Kelly, I was about to ask Linda to marry me. In the end I
decided that I loved your mother more in other ways but god, the sex with Linda
was amazing – and it still is. She’s so much more open about things and we had
some crazy times together when we dated, doing things your mother would never do
with me – even after we got married. Ultimately I ended up making a deal with
your mom – I’d marry her so long as I could keep having fun with Linda, no
strings attached.”
My eyes narrowed as the full import of what he was saying struck home. “So
you’re telling me that the fact it was incest to have sex with Aunt Linda was
not really why mom was OK with it? What if they hadn’t been sisters but
girlfriends instead? Would you have kept fucking her after you married mom?
Even if it was adultery instead of incest?”
My dad shrugged. “What can I say Kelly. I like to think it was God’s plan to
have it work out this way. Since Linda was her sister, so long as your mom
could rationalize it using incest there was nothing ‘illegal’ about it and so
everyone was happy, at least mostly.”
“But dad, was mom really happy? Sounds to me like she was sort of forced into
agreeing with everything. Would you really have not married her if she didn't
go along with this?”
“Look Kelly, don't look at this as something bad or coercive. Really, your
mother and I truly had a wonderful marriage. We loved each other very much and
I like to think we still do. Still, just like your grandfather, I have needs
and your mom has always known her sister was better at satisfying those needs
than she was so rather than worrying about us doing anything behind her back,
she simply went along with it.”
This was the first time my dad had ever said anything about being like my
grandfather, at least when it came to his sexual addictions and gratification.
Slowly things began to fall in place... pieces of the puzzle that had been
laying all around me for years yet I never saw the big picture enough to put
them together.
“So Beth and Tammy... did mom really think it was OK when you fucked them?”
The pained look on my dad’s face told me everything but he still answered me
saying, “Well, after I did Beth we had one of the worst arguments we’d ever had.
We waited until you were out so you wouldn't know but we almost split up back
then over it. Fucking her sister was at least incest so even if it didn't
exactly thrill her, at least it wasn't adultery. Doing Beth was just me
allowing my lust get the better of me and we both knew it. It was pure adultery
and even though we tried to rationalize it for you, she never was really OK with
it. Still, once the ice was broken, so to speak, she didn't say much the next
time I did Beth or – or her friend either for that matter.”
That all made sense. I never did get the impression that my mom was all that
thrilled about those times. Still, she had tried to make it sound like she was
OK with it in the end, at least enough to convince me but then maybe it was
because I WANTED to be convinced.
“So what about Tammy and Kristi?” I asked about my younger cousins, “How did she
feel about them. She seemed pretty thrilled when you did Tammy the first time.”
Indeed, my youngest cousin Tammy was only fourteen when my dad took her
virginity – with the help of me and my mom. At the time my mother did indeed
seem quite excited about, so much so that I simply couldn’t believe now that she
was faking it back then.
“That was entirely different Kelly, it was incest and while your mom may not
have approved of it, she at least understood it and realized it was her duty as
a wife to submit to my needs so long as it wasn't adultery. Your mother has
always known my feelings about young girls and she knew it would make me happy
to fuck someone as young as Tammy. Plus, she WAS my niece so she went along
with it. Kristi was a little different but then you were gone and she knew I
was missing your teenage pussy so it seemed only natural for me to do Kristi
while you were away. Linda certainly had no problems with it and I suppose I
don't need to say anything about Kristi,” he finished with a but of a laugh. I
couldn’t help but grin myself. When it came to sex and Kristi there were no
surprises there, that was for sure.
Still, I wasn't totally convinced. Not by a long shot. This was all pretty
crazy and there were still too many unanswered questions.
“Yeah but what about Rick? That had nothing to do with you; it was all her. If
she was so against incest then why did she like fucking him so much? And don't
even try to tell me it was to please you. She LOVED having sex with him.”
“Oh come on Kelly, do I need to spell everything out?” my dad whined but then he
continued anyway. “You know the answer – he was a young stud with a big dick,
available, “legal” and she enjoyed being a MILF for him. That was all it ever
was, pure and simple.”
Well, my mom had often told me the same things herself but under the conditions
today, I just wanted to be sure. Still, all this left one question in my
mind... the BIGGEST question of them all. The scariest question by far.
“So why do you fuck me daddy?” I said in a soft voice, so low he had to ask me
to repeat myself. It was a question I didn't WANT to ask but one I felt I HAD to
ask. Deep down, I knew that this question was the real reason he had asked me
over and all this up until now had just been leading up to it.
“C’mon Kelly! You know why.”
“I want you to tell me daddy... tell me why you REALLY want to fuck me.”
“Because I love you Kelly.”
“I know you do daddy, but you don't have to fuck me to love me,” I replied
sharply, “Isn’t that what you’ve always told me? So why do you fuck me? Why
did you want me so bad when I was younger when you already had my mom and Aunt
Linda?”
My dad shrugged his shoulders and sighed. “Because I needed it. I needed YOU.”
He said it so softly I wasn't sure I heard him right at first but from the
stricken look on his face I knew what he said without even hearing the words.
It was more a confession than a statement. There was more to it than that
though... he said he “needed” it using past tense.
“Exactly what do you mean by that daddy?”
“God Kelly, are you really gonna make me say this?” he pleaded but I sat there
waiting for him to continue. “Think about it. You were so young, so beautiful,
so incredibly sexy and such an unbelievably hot little slut... I just had to
have you,” he whispered as if he was hoping I couldn’t hear him. But I did.
Even now, as tense an atmosphere as it was, he couldn't hide the thick lust in
his voice for me. Yet I recognized it now for what it was – pure lust, the lust
of an older man for a younger girl. Of course I still believed he loved me, but
now I knew that I had things more than a little mixed up. I’ve always said he
fucked me BECAUSE he loved me. Yeah right. The truth was he loved me, but he
fucked me because he COULD. My dad fucked me because he wanted to feel his dick
in the tight pussy of a teenage girl once again, because he wanted the thrill of
being with a girl less than half his age. He couldn't go out and just do any
girl, my mom would never allow it. However, he DID have a daughter, one that I
now was starting to understand that he’d apparently groomed for years for just
this purpose – to pleasure him.
Looking back there were plenty of clues had I chosen to recognize them – the
over-protectiveness she showed when I first stroked my dad’s dick, the
insistence that I be the one to initiate incest, her obsession with adultery
(which I know understood to be more concern over my dad’s inability to control
his desires than anything biblical), the deliberate detachment when he fucked my
best friend, the motherly concern she showed for my cousin Tammy when he took
her virginity at age fourteen, the general lack of desire to join in with my dad
and me, not to mention so many other small things that I failed to notice at the
time.
“So if that’s true, then why didn’t you fuck me sooner? I always thought it was
because you wanted me to be the one to want it first. I always assumed that if
I had never asked then you never would have done me.”
“Well, that’s mostly true... it was your mom really. She said she call the
police and kick me out of the house if I ever touched you before you were ready
– and that was when YOU said you were ready, not me. God Kelly, I did
everything to try to get you interested. You’re smart as hell and being such a
slut, it’s hard for me to understand sometimes how you can be so naïve when it
comes to what guys want.”
“So all the masturbating.... the porn movies... watching me have sex... making
me tell you about my dates... all that was to try to get me to let you fuck me?”
It was like something snapped in him then, as if he couldn't contain his
frustration with me any more. His face darkened and his voice raised more than
a few decibels.
“C’mon Kelly, you’re not THAT dumb so quit acting like it. Why the hell do you
think I made your mom let me fuck her that night in the hot tub when we knew
you’d be watching from your bedroom? You were driving me crazy so I had to do
SOMETHING to give you a nudge.”
I just sat there in a daze, unable to absorb anymore. I knew he was waiting for
me to say something but the words wouldn't come out. My mind was blank, there
was nothing for me to say.
“Kelly, don't take this all wrong. You know I love you more than anything.
Look in the mirror for god’s sake. You can’t blame me for craving you. Get
real, you ran around the house half naked all the time, played with yourself
CONSTANTLY without caring who was watching, fucked anything with a dick and yet
you cant understand why I would want you for myself?”
With that his hand moved tighter into my crotch again, his finger pushing into
my pussy hole as best he could with the jeans in the way. His other arm around
me moved so he was cradling my braless breast in his hands. I felt him wiggle
under me, trying to maneuver his hardening dick under me. God, after all this
he was horny and wanted to fuck me! Unbelievable!
Ignoring his groping hands, I had to finish what we started. I had to know it
all, the entire truth.
“So what’s up now then? What’s with you and Aunt Linda? Are you getting
married?”
He seemed genuinely surprised at that; shocked even. “WHAT? Where the hell did
you come up with that one? Hell no, we’ll never get married. Why would we want
to do THAT? The only reason I ever would’ve married her in the first place was
for the sex and I get all I want now as it is.”
“I don't know, I figured you were living together now and all. Why not?”
“I guess I have to spell it out again then, don't I” he huffed. “First, I
really DO believe that adultery is wrong. Yes, I know I’ve had some slips in
the past but the ones you know of were the only ones. To be honest, the biggest
reason I don't want to marry Linda because I don’t want to deal with the whole
adultery thing again. I like the freedom of being single again.”
The magnitude of what he was saying sank in and I glared at him. “So you just
want to be able to fuck anyone at anytime, is that it?”
“Well?” was all he said, shrugging his shoulders as if the answer was obvious.
“And what about Aunt Linda?”
That actually made him smirk a little bit when he replied, “Oh like she cares.
Hell, SHE is the one who wants to fool around the most. Besides, how would she
maintain her sales quota if she stopped fucking other men?”
Actually, the last part made more sense than anything I’d heard yet. My aunt
had quite a rep in the local realty industry for her willingness to do most
anything to get a sale, even bringing in her own daughter is necessary, not to
mention her niece a couple of times! I wasn't so sure that the adultery “thing”
was all that important to her, but you never know.
“So if you’re NOT getting married, why tell me all this today? Why do this to
me?”
This time he paused even longer than before but finally he drew a deep breath,
let it out slowly, and said, “OK, so we aren’t getting married but there ARE
things we want to do and I needed you to understand beforehand.”
Why bother? What could he say now that could possibly top what he’d already told
me? Still, I was his daughter and needed to remain respectful so I kept silent
and let him continue.
“Linda loves to party and she’s always been trying to get me to swing a little
and do things with other couples and girls. Well, now I can and so I wanted you
to understand why before you heard about it. We didn't want to have to hide and
worry that you might drop in sometime when things were happening.”
Like how would I hear about it? I didn't bother asking THAT. There had to be
more than this and he seemed to realize it from the expression on my face.
“OK Kelly, I guess I also need to confess something to you. I get the feeling
that you sometimes come over here because you think you are doing something to
help me more than because it’s something YOU want to do. I just wanted you to
know that you don't need to feel that way and you don’t have to feel any
obligations. It’s not like I NEED you now for that anymore.”
My heart was practically pounding out of my chest. What was he talking about?
What was he trying to say? Didn't he want to fuck me anymore? Didn't he need
me anymore? Then it dawned on me... was I too OLD for him? Anything was
possible and I was seeing my dad in a while new light today. I knew he loved
fucking me and my cousins and that it didn't hurt that we were young, but now I
realized he loved fucking us BECAUSE we were young. All those porn movies and
magazines started making sense. Damn, my dad was a pedophile!
“Now don’t take this wrong but your aunt has some friends who have younger
daughters and lately we’ve been getting together and... well, you know what I
mean.”
No... I did NOT know. Oh sure, I knew essentially what he meant but there was a
lot left unspoken. If anything, my new hypothesis was verified one step
further.
“And just how young are these daughters?” I said, unable to keep the accusation
out of my tone. I was sixteen when he did me and Tammy was only fourteen.
Still that was more a fluke of timing than anything else. What did he desire if
he had a choice? Memories of me giving him a hand-job in the hot tub when I was
eight suddenly flashed in front of me. What did he REALLY want back then?
“That’s not important, the point is for the first time in a long time I don't
NEED you to satisfy those needs in me. Of course, I’d love to still fuck my
daughter now and then... you ARE one hot sexy girl after all.”
So now I was a consolation prize? I looked at him in the eyes and stated, “So
you’re telling me that you don't want to have sex with me.”
“Kelly, did you listen to what I just said? Of course I do. What man wouldn’t?
I’m just saying we can do it when you WANT to, not when you feel you HAVE to.”
With that he started groping me again, as if he wanted to prove to me he still
wanted to have sex with me but I pushed his hands away and stood up. If all I
was to him was just a younger girl to fuck, then he could go find another one –
and apparently he had some at his disposal.
“You know daddy, normally right now I would say, ‘fuck ME daddy’. Not now
though. Now it’s fuck YOU daddy.”
With that I grabbed my coat and practically ran to my car without even putting
it on, ignoring the biting cold and wind, and then drove home without looking
back.
Chapter 4 – Going Forward
=========================
When I returned home I went straight to my room, brushing aside my inquisitive
cousin who was practically bursting with curiosity as to what had happened.
Slamming the bedroom door behind me, I fell face first into my bed. Suddenly
it all came out and I burst into tears as I curled up into a tight ball, hugging
my favorite stuffed bear tightly against my heaving chest. It was like I was a
little girl again and indeed, I felt like one.
Needless to say, the next morning I didn't go to church, nor did I go to my
father’s house so he could fuck me as he usually did before church. It’s not
that I didn’t enjoy it, plus it always felt naught to sit in the pews with his
cum fresh in me, but I wasn’t even close to being ready for anything like that
now, not after what I had learned the day before. Instead, I spent the morning
in my own prayers, trying to decide what to do and what it all meant. Here’s
what I came up with in the end...
First and foremost, no matter what I love my dad just as much as ever and will
continue to love him. I really can't blame him for anything. Sexual addiction
is a disease, not something a man can control. Even though I realize now that
my dad is a true sex addict, I respect him for having tamed most of his “needs”
while I grew up out of love for my mother and me. After all, he could have done
what my grandfather had done with my mother and taken what was rightfully his.
Just as her mother did, I am sure my mother would have stood understood and so
long as I wasn't harmed, not have interfered. But unlike my grandfather, my dad
loved me too much to do that – and he loved my mother too much to put her in
such a predicament. God, the willpower it must have taken for him to hold
himself back, especially when I now realize how badly I teased him, even if it
wasn't deliberate.
Since my dad has always claimed that he didn't have to fuck me to prove he loved
me, maybe now he’ll have the chance to stand by that claim. The main reason I
gave myself to him was to satisfy his needs, even if I didn't fully understand
until now what those needs were. Sadly, it appears that I am no longer young
enough to fully satisfy those needs. Still, I am his daughter and always will
be. I love him just as much as ever and even if we don't have sex again for a
while – or ever, that is OK with me.
Second, I still fundamentally believe in incest. It wasn't incest that brought
all this about – it was sexual addiction. My father is a sex addict and if
anything, incest allowed him to control his urges for many years without
committing adultery. I always suspect my aunt is a sex addict as well, which
helps to explain some of her actions over the years in raising her daughter.
The difference is that unlike my dad, she couldn't control herself while her
daughter was younger. Would Kristi have become a whore without her mother’s
encouragement? So many things for me to consider now?
Chapter 5 – Unanswered Questions
================================
Still, there are so many unanswered questions which I will never know the
answers to until I meet my mother again, which may have to wait for heaven the
way things are going now.
Even with all this out on the table, I still don't quite understand why my
mother snapped. From what I can tell, nothing was all that different. Was it
just as simple as a case where it was the final straw that broke the camel’s
back – nothing specific but just the continual buildup over the course of more
than 25 years of dealing with your husband’s addiction? If so, why cut off
everything with her family, even me? Did she feel it had to be that way to keep
her from feeling guilty perhaps, maybe even allowing her submissive nature to
return her to my father?
Another unanswered question for me is if she allowed my father to have sex with
me because she knew it was something he had to do or else find someone else,
then why did she love having sex with me so much? I’ve always talked about how
different sex was with my mother and dad. With my dad, it was always father-
daughter, nothing else even in role-playing. With my mom it was more like two
lovers. Was that because she wanted to have me not as her daughter but as
another woman? While my mother certainly wasn't straight, I’d never really seen
any heavy influence towards women other than with me and her sister. Was there
more lesbianism within her than I realized?
Yet another question is left lingering. My mom must have known since high
school that my dad was a certifiable sex addict and pedophile so she had to
realize that sooner or later he was going to have me - one way or another. In
fact, it was pretty amazing that he was able to wait until I was sixteen! Given
that was the case, then why didn’t she let him be more forward with me sooner?
Why put me in the decision-making position such that later I would feel guilty
because I didn't give myself to my father first? Why did she even bother
stopping me from sucking his dick when I was younger? Once I started having
sex, why not let me know my dad wanted it too instead of making me feel foolish
years later for not recognizing the hints he was giving me? It seems the more I
learn about my mom the more complex she becomes.
Then, although it’s pure curiosity and perhaps a bit of voyeurism, I’m dying to
know more about the other people my dad and Aunt Linda have been seeing. What
was this about couple’s with younger daughters? Would he ever let me know more
about it? Just how young WERE these girls? It bothered me a little that he had
been so coy about that question. How long had this been going on without me
knowing about it? My cousin has since claimed to know nothing but there
something in the twinkling of her eyes that told me she wasn’t telling me all
that she knew. Given her preoccupation with young boys, was she perhaps
involved as well? In the end, was he maybe just teasing me a little and “young”
meant simply younger than him but at least eighteen years old? Personally, I
hope so for his sake.
In the end, I suppose the REAL question is the one I don't know to ask yet. It’s
like the line from some song, “I wish I didn't know now the things I didn't know
then.” Still, once the genie is out of the bottle or Pandora’s Box is opened,
things can never be the same again. I was angry at my dad at first but now I
more angry at myself than anything. Perhaps “angry” is the wrong word.
“Disappointed” or “chagrined” are probably better choices in that I feel a
little silly that all this was going on right in front of me and somehow I
didn't recognize any of it. Was it because I was that unsophisticated or maybe
it was more that I didn't want to see it?
Whatever the reason, it really doesn't matter. Life as I have known it will
never be the same again. I can only pray ask that God continue to guide me in
my life and protect me from myself.
One last thing I want to say and that is no matter how I may have phrased things
here or come across, I do NOT regret anything that I have done sexually with my
father or family. I still believe that incest has been a positive factor in my
life and will continue to be, although I am not sure in what capacity. Will I
still have sex with my dad? I am sure I will although I am just as sure that it
will be less than in the past. I have grown up a lot in the more than eight
years since the first time I gave myself to my father and so has he. It’s only
natural that our relationship change with time and I see this as just one of
those things that happens.
It just goes to show that none of us knows God’s plan for us. We just have to
live each day as it comes which is what I try to do, even if I don’t do as I say
much of the time! Frankly though, I could do without ever having another such
“revelation”!
THE END
20100214 Revelations