Subject: My Thoughts About Adultery
Story Codes: nosex
Updated: November 20, 2013
Author: Kelly <pghp_girl@yahoo.com>
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!!!WARNING!!!!
This file contains sexually explicit material which may include graphic
depictions of underage, nonconsensual and unprotected sex as well as
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Summary
=======
Just the mention of the word adultery is enough to set some people off
the deep end and for good reason. How many marriages end because one of
the partners "commits adultery"? Then again. is it really the adultery
that ruins the marriage or is it something else? What exactly IS
adultery? I have my own views which have been subject to change over the
years. It's interesting to see how getting married can change your
perspective - in ways different than what you might think.
Note: I first wrote this well before I was married. Now that I am
married I see life from a different perspective. It’s only natural
that as a result some of the guiding principles I my life would
adapt to my new life as a married woman. To those who claim I am
hypocritical or somehow unfaithful to my core values and ethics, I
make no apologies. I think it’s a natural part of life that as you
grow older and gain experience and insights that your belief system
should change with it. To be fair, I’ve kept my old philosophies
from my earlier postings and then added a chapter to reflect how I
feel today.
Table of Contents
=================
Chapter 1 - References
Chapter 2 - My Pre-Marriage Position
Chapter 3 - Post-Marriage Thoughts
Chapter 4 - Conclusions
Chapter 1 - References
======================
"Thou shalt not commit adultery." - The Bible, King James version
"You shall not commit adultery." - The Bible, New International Version
"He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself.
He will get wounds and dishonor, and his disgrace will not be wiped away.
For jealousy makes a man furious, and he will not spare when he takes
revenge. He will accept no compensation; he will refuse though you
multiply gifts." — The Bible Proverbs 6:32-35
"Let marriage be honored among all and the marriage bed be kept
undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers." — The
Bible, Hebrews 13:4 (New American Bible Revised Edition)
"But God came to Abimelech in a dream by night and said to him, "Behold,
you are a dead man because of the woman whom you have taken, for she is a
man’s wife." — The Bible, Genesis 20:3 (ESV)
"Adultery refers to marital infidelity. When two partners, of whom at
least one is married to another party, have sexual relations — even
transient ones — they commit adultery." — Catechism of the Catholic
Church 2380
"Adultery is an injustice. He who commits adultery fails in his
commitment. He does injury to the sign of the covenant which the
marriage bond is, transgresses the rights of the other spouse, and
undermines the institution of marriage by breaking the contract on which
it is based. He compromises the good of human generation and the welfare
of children who need their parents' stable union." — Catechism of the
Catholic Church, 2335
"Adultery is sexual relations in which at least one participant is
married to someone else." - Wikipedia
“Adultery is sex where at least one person is married and that person’s
partner is outside his/her marriage family.” - Mary (My mother and me -
pre-marriage)
“When a married person has sex with someone not in their family (as
defined above) with the intent of cheating on their spouse. Thus it is
the INTENT that defines adultery, not the act of having sex. It’s
important to note that you can't commit adultery unless you're married.
If you're single and have sex with a married partner, THEY are the ones
potentially committing adultery, not you.” - Kelly (Me, post-marriage)
Sex: The penetration, however slight, of a female vagina by a male penis.
Even if the hymen remains intact or not all of the dick gets in the
pussy, it's still sex. Once ANY part of a dick is in her, even if
it's just the very tip, it's as good as ALL in. Thus a girl can have
an intact hymen but NOT be a virgin.
Chapter 2 - My Pre-Marriage Position
====================================
Note: This was written BEFORE I was married.
In reading Chapter 1, it would seem at first glance that anyone having
sex with someone other than their wife or husband is committing adultery,
an act punishable by death in biblical times - of both parties involved!
The key words here are, "at first glance". It's easy to read something
in black and white terms without taking into account the full meaning and
the implications of what’s being said. For example, perhaps one of the
most abused verses in the Bible is where Paul exhorts women to "submit to
your husbands". People with an agenda have taken those words totally out
of context to validate their personal beliefs that women are second-class
citizens and subject to their husband's every demand. Anyone reading the
whole text and understanding the culture of the era during which this
statement was made would say something entirely different.
For many people, it doesn't matter what the meaning is behind the words,
they take the 7th commandment literally without any wiggle room. For
them it's black and white and there's no even discussing the matter. My
own mother was one of these people. For her, having sex with another man
outside of her marriage is immoral and wrong. I have to say one thing
though, my mother practiced what she preached. In over 25 years of
marriage, my mother never once had sex outside of her marriage. While
she had did sex with her brother-in-laws and one of their sons, my mother
would tell you that she never committed adultery because they were within
the boundaries of marriage.
Face it, if the Bible was really all that easy to read and understand, we
wouldn’t have thousands of different churches and untold translations.
So it was with me. There come times when you have to make your own
decisions and so it was with my stance on "adultery".
Now it's my turn to parse my words. While my mom was firmly against
adultery, she DID have sex with my dad's brothers and one of her nephews.
She rationalized this by expanding the conventional definition of
"marriage" to include more than just her husband but rather extending to
their immediate families as well. In accordance with her definitions,
when she married my dad she effectively married his family too. Even she
admitted that this was most likely stretching the meaning of the Bible
out a lot further than most people would accept, but she felt strongly
about it.
Growing up I was heavily influenced by her morals when it came to these
matters. After all, how do you argue with success? With half of all
marriages ending in divorce, SOMETHING must have made a difference in my
parents’ marriage. While I would never say it was all due to how they
dealt with adultery, I DO believe it was a major contributing factor.
Thus my expectations are that once I’m married I will be faithful to my
husband and never commit adultery. Of course I will continue having sex
with my dad and maybe my uncles along with whatever family members on my
husband's side wish to be involved, if any. However, when it comes to
anyone outside of our marriage family then they become off-limits for sex
once I say, "I do."
To be honest, it isn't something I’m looking forward to but it is
something that I feel that I have to comply with if I’m going to maintain
my biblical faith and morals. In a way, it’s like those times when I’m
not really in the mood but my father needs me. As my father’s sexual
needs come first, I will always fulfill my duties and obligations as his
daughter without hesitation. I have to say I am proud that I have never
said NO to my dad, at least not about sex. So too will I fulfill my
obligations as a wife when my marriage becomes a reality.
If there is one bright spot, it’s that to commit adultery means having
sex. Thus as long as I don't allow another penis in my vagina, anything
else is “legal”. Blowjobs, fondling, and such are not technically sex so
engaging in those activities does not constitute adulterous behavior.
So that’s my position on adultery. I respect what other people do and
believe, even if I don't agree with them. All I ask is the same courtesy
and respect.
Chapter 3 - Post-Marriage Thoughts
==================================
Note: This was written AFTER I was married and stands as my current
position on adultery.
It’s amazing how your perspective on life can change with two little
words, “I do.” As Steve’s wife, the bible places him at the head of our
household and that I am to submit to him. Before anyone sends me hate
mail, this is biblical submission, nothing to do with BSDM or that kind
of baloney. In fact, I wrote an entire article on submission called “My
Thoughts About Submission” as this is a complicated topic. To keep it
simple for now, there are principles and morals that I’ve always deemed
to be irrevocable that I have now found that needed to be modified
somewhat to allow for me to submit to my husband’s needs and desires.
There’s a limit to how far I will bend but when I can I do if that is
what it takes to please my husband.
One of those areas is adultery. Adultery is one of those key moral
issues that I will never abandon. That said, while I still feel that
adultery is a sin and something I will never do, the key is what is
adultery? It’s the definition that becomes the focal point.
Referring back to Chapter 1, the one thing that stands out in all of the
statements is the implication that the person being charged with adultery
has done these acts without the consent of their spouse. "Make a man
furious", "breaking the contract", "sexually immoral", and "transgresses
the rights of the other spouse" are all phrases that point to injury
being made on the uninvolved spouse.
The only reason I re-examined my position on adultery was my husband
Steve. Steve made it clear before we were married that he did NOT want a
monogamous relationship and that he expected us both to seek out other
partners, both alone and as a couple. When he first proposed this he
wasn't aware of my incestuous relationships but I didn't think he would
be satisfied with limiting himself to my family and so far as I knew,
there was no such thing going on with his family.
So I was faced with a dilemma. I couldn’t marry Steve and expect him to
change. I’ve seen enough marriages fail because they entered into
matrimony expecting that the other would eventually see the light and
change as they wanted. Of course that doesn’t happen so they end up
divorced. NOT the ending that was I was looking forward to in my
wedding.
As I studied and prayed about the issue, God showed me that the Bible
wasn't so much against sex outside of marriage but rather someone having
sex outside of marriage against the will of their spouse. In other
words, no CHEATING. Back in those days I'm not sure if there even words
to differentiate the two acts so "adultery" was used for both.
The idea was intriguing so I substituted the word "cheating" in place of
in all "adultery" in all of the quotes at the start of this article. It
was amazing. With one simple change in interpretation of a word I had no
problem what-so-ever agreeing to all of the statements and prohibitions
that were made. In other words, by saying “cheating” in lieu of
“adultery”, I could stick with my existing morals and not even have to
compromise!
It was so obvious when I thought about it... cheating leads to jealousy,
feelings of betrayal, low self-esteem, and can easily be a stake in the
heart of even the best marriages. Cheating on your spouse is about the
lowest thing a person can do.
On the other hand, if your spouse is OK with you doing something, even
it's having sex with someone else, why would that not be alright? You’re
not cheating after all. Of course such things should be discussed and
communicated well BEFORE anything is done. Getting caught and then
trying to get your spouse to understand and forgive is still cheating...
still wrong on every level.
Steve and I had many long discussions on this topic so he knows full well
just how important it is to me that we maintain the proper biblically-
correct relationship between us at all times. Whenever possible we will
discuss our plans ahead of time so there are no surprises. Of course
there are those windows of opportunity that sometimes arise and won't
stay open for long so as long as we tell the other about it as soon as
possible afterwards.
The whole principle behind our marriage is that we have no secrets from
one another when it comes to sex.
Chapter 4 - Conclusions
=======================
Adultery and cheating are issues like abortion and the death penalty.
People have strong opinions backed up by their reading of scripture,
their cultural background, and personal opinions. Just as with abortion,
seeking agreement on what is adultery and what isn't is virtually
impossible. As such I respect other people's opinions and would never
question how they deal with the subject when it comes to their own
marriage. All I ask is to be given the same respect and not be
questioned about my beliefs or have people tell me I am a degenerate or
some form of whore or pervert because we believe differently.
In the end I believe the final proof is to look at the state of the
marriage. My own parents, with as strong a relationship as they had -
and still do, couldn’t remain married in part because of the issue of
adultery. Whatever the belief, the important thing is that BOTH people
agree on it when they marry and then follow through on those beliefs. If
not then it may take a long time but sooner or later the marriage is
doomed - if not by divorce then by turning into a loveless marriage of
convenience.
What YOU decide to do in your marriage is ultimately up to YOU. I have
made my decision and I feel perfectly comfortable with it. I look
forward to a lifetime being married to the man I adore and love. I also
look forward to having fun when it comes to my sex life. There’s no
reason the two can’t be compatible!
THE END