Subject: My Lifestyle Choices
Author: Kelly <pghpa_girl@yahoo.com>
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!!!WARNING!!!!
This file is a work of fiction containing sexually explicit material which may
include depictions of underage, nonconsensual and unprotected sex as well as
incest and adultery. It is not intended to implicate any person or action by
them or me, nor advocate such practices. If you can't separate fantasy from
reality, get professional help - FAST!
The material is distributed as "For Adults Only" and possession by a minor is
strictly forbidden. If you are not legally empowered to be in possession of
this material, do not read it and delete it immediately.
This work is copyrighted ©2011 to the author. It may be posted with the
permission of the editor to non-commercial "free" sites, or in the "free" area
of commercial sites so long as no changes are made to the content AND the
author/editor information is retained.
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Summary:
When I look back on my life I can identify key decisions that will affect my
life forever. One example would be giving up my virginity at the age of
fourteen, a decision that started me down the road of a life dominated by sex.
Some worked out, such as choosing to have sex with my parents, while others
seemed right at the time but then backfired such as my brief escorting career.
For better or worse they’ve made me into who I am today.
In general, my lifestyle has progressed through a number of general phases:
<8 non-sexual
8-11 learning the basics of the birds and bees, non-sexual
11-14 puberty, self-exploration (masturbation), teasing, virgin
14-16 lost my virginity, exploring sex
16-18 just having fun, intro to incest
18-22 college – lesbianism, on-line, escorting, sex parties
22-23 finding myself – self-analysis, escorting, teaching, in love!
24 lingerie model, single, tutoring, teaching in the fall?
25 elementary school teacher, living with my cousin, settling down?
26 engaged!
Before I Was 8 - Nonsexual
==========================
As a young child I can’t really say I CHOSE any lifestyle choices as they were
pretty much made FOR me by my parents. In all, I don’t see where my childhood
was all that much different than most girls I knew except unlike many of my
friends, my parents weren’t divorced or separated. It’s a sign of the times we
live in when half your friends are living with just their mother or father. I
was extremely fortunate to be raised in a household where my parents were deeply
in love with one another, and not afraid to show me (I mean in how they treated
each other, not sexually).
As for me, as much as everyone likes to think they are special, there was really
nothing special about me if I‘m honest with myself. No child protégé, no
special or unique talents or hobbies. Like most girls, I grew up loving animals
and dolls along with playing with my friends and cousins. OK, so maybe I was a
LITTLE bit spoiled but that wasn’t my fault. It was only natural being the only
child of parents who each had relatively high paying occupations (dad is a
lawyer and mom was a nurse).
One thing is for sure, I don’t remember ANY sexual thoughts from that period of
my life. Sure, I may have seen my parents nude at times, especially in our hot
tub, but there was nothing sexual whatsoever about it. I cannot emphasize this
enough as I think people get the impression somehow that I grew up in some
“open” family where orgies were common and I was having sex at an early age. It
was NOT that way at all!!!
Personally, I have a real hard time when people try to tell me they have sex
with young kids and then try to convince me that the girl was all horny and
wanted it, not to mention her masturbating and multiple orgasms. Neither
myself, nor ANY girl I have EVER known at this age, has EVER shown ANY sign of
being turned on sexually, not even playing with herself (other than natural
child curiosity about their bodies). It always seems WAY too far-fetched for me
to believe. Sure, it may be a fun fantasy for some people and within that
context, I can deal with it. Fantasies are one thing but as for being real?
Sorry, I don't think so.
8-11 Learning About the Birds and the Bees - Nonsexual
======================================================
Despite what some people might assume if they don’t really know me and just read
my diary, my parents were always careful NOT to let me see them having sex as I
was growing up. It wasn't they thought there was anything shameful or taboo
about it, it was just something they felt belonged between the two of them and
didn't need to be shared with me. The first time I remember seeing my parents
masturbate was when I was eight. Maybe “noticed” is a more appropriate
description as I probably just never realized what they were doing before then.
When my mom caught me watching my dad (how do parents always know these things
are happening?) she took me aside to give me “the talk”. At that age she didn’t
go into all the details, but by the end I knew what my dad’s dick was really for
and where babies came from.
In addition to just talking to me about it, that evening my mom had me touch my
father’s penis while we were in the hot tub. It wasn’t her intent that it be
anything sexual but rather to allow me to satisfy my natural curiosity about it.
When you’re an eight year old girl, a man’s penis isn’t a sexual object but more
something that is just different from anything you have, so of course you’re
curious about it. Our earlier discussion hadn’t included anything about hand-
jobs or blowjobs - or anything about sexual techniques for that matter. It was
pretty much like your standard sex-ed class at school, only I got the lesson a
few years earlier than most.
Looking back at it today, I’m not naïve or trying to rationalize things. Of
course my dad reacted as any man would to having a young girl grabbing hold of
his dick – he got an erection and eventually came. My mom tried to explain it
all to me in rather clinical terms and she also made sure that was ALL that
happened, although no doubt my dad would have liked to have expanded my
“lessons” a bit more. It was eight years before I touched my dad like that again
so anyone who thinks teaching their daughter about sex at an early age leads to
child abuse is simply wrong – assuming it’s done properly.
For the next few years, not a lot changed actually. I can say that about the
last thing on my mind was sex. Like most girls, I thought boys were “yucky” and
I played with my girlfriends and cousins. During those years I never played
with myself, at least in a deliberate sexual way. Sure, I was curious about my
body, who wasn't at that age? Despite some secretive “exploring” times with my
fingers and a mirror, it never led to anything like masturbation.
Sex and sexual topics simply weren’t issues for me back then. The fact me and
my parents were nude in the hot tub together wasn't something that I really
thought about – it was just always that way. Sharing the bathroom with my dad
while showering or whatever was just normal, nothing erotic or naughty. He
NEVER “touched me in what anyone would say was an “inappropriate” manner. As
for me, I never really had any interest in touching his penis. If anything,
that was where his pee came from so why would I want anything to do with it?
Although nudity was not something we hid, I really don't like saying we had an
“open” family situation as then people immediately jump to the conclusion we
were nudists or had wild orgies every day. The truth is that we didn't run
around the house nude other than when it made sense, such as going from the
bathroom to your bedroom or in the hot tub. All in all, I would have to say
that my family life growing up wasn’t all that much different from most other
families.
11-14 Self-Exploration, Still a Virgin. Masturbation, Teasing
=============================================================
It was at the start of this period of my life that puberty set in with a
vengeance. My body started to change physically and I was feeling things within
me that I’d never felt before. I’d seen my mother masturbating (not nearly as
much as my dad though) so one day this feeling came over me and I started to
explore myself a little more than usual. It wasn't long before I realized there
was something really good about touching myself it that I hadn’t known about
before! My mom (once again, how do moms know these things?) was helpful once
she realized what I was doing, even offering me her vast collection of dildos
(which I never really used much).
Once I started masturbating, it was like the proverbial floodgates opened. For
there next few months it seemed that all I wanted to do was masturbate and feel
these things it created inside of me. I suppose it’s like when someone starts
taking drugs and can’t wait for their next fix. I sort of went crazy,
masturbating several times a day, even at school. My grades even started to
slip as I was more interested with my special place between my legs than
homework! Finally, my mom caught me rubbing myself through my shorts in the
mall food court one day and realized it was time for her to step in and get me
under control. We had a rather stern discussion (well, more like a lecture from
her) about when it was appropriate to masturbate and when it wasn’t. Still, it
was hard for me to resist. In fact, to this day I love masturbating although I
would say I am a little more disciplined now – for the most part at least.
My friends were undergoing the same changes in their lives as well. At
sleepovers and such we started turning down the lights and then whisper about
our boyfriends – things we hadn’t talked about with regards to boys before. It
was just silly girl-talk and about the “naughtiest” thing we ever did was
masturbate together when we all got horny listening to each other. We NEVER
touched each other in a sexual way other than maybe during a Truth or Dare game
and even then it was just innocent adolescent fun. Nobody would’ve ever accused
us of even being bi-curious, let alone lesbian. Well, maybe there was ONE of my
friends that we all knew about but isn’t there always that one in every crowd?
**********************
As a young girl I wore nightshirts and pajamas to bed. Exactly what I wore was
determined more by the weather than anything else. For instance flannel pajamas
were common during the winter while a light cotton nightshirt was more
appropriate in summer. My parents always slept nude so when I turned twelve,
what would have been more natural than for a young girl to try and emulate her
mother? There was nothing sexual in the decision. Instead, I simply found it
was more comfortable and to this day, I sleep nude except in circumstances where
it would be inappropriate.
It was also during this time that I learned the fine art of “teasing”.
Actually, I think it is pretty instinctive for most girls, some are just less
shy about it than others. As I got older I noticed boys – and men, looking at
me in ways they hadn’t before. It made me feel good when they did and so I
would try to dress and act in ways that drew their attention more. For guys who
“prowl” the malls and think young girls are coming on to them, think again. I
was interested in their ATTENTION, not sex. I teased because it boosted my ego
and made me feel grown-up and mature, not with any intent to have sex with
anyone. Personally, I think parents should encourage their daughters to tease
at this age to build their self-confidence and self-worth.
In short, I would say my life during this time was pretty “normal”. No wild sex
parties, preteen sex, or anything else along the lines I think many people seem
to think I was involved in at that age. The only thing I would say is that I
probably masturbated more than anyone else I knew – a LOT more. While it may
have been something innate within me, not doubt it was also partially due to the
fact I had more opportunities than most girls since I didn’t have to hide it
from my parents. For instance, I could do myself watching TV with my parents if
I got horny – how many girls can say that?
14-16 Losing My Virginity, Discovering Sex
==========================================
EVERY girl has to make one major lifestyle choice in her life – when to give up
her virginity. Unfortunately there are cases where this decision is made FOR a
girl, such as rape or child abuse, but for most girls it’s perhaps one of the
most emotional and difficult decisions she will have to make during her entire
life, even if she doesn’t realize it at the time.
By the way, in my dictionary the definition of virginity has nothing to do with
tearing your hymen as that can happen for a number of other reasons. No, for me
it’s the act that counts. In my world, losing your virginity means a man’s
penis enters your vagina. It doesn't matter if it’s the whole thing or just the
head, it’s the act of entry that counts. Even if the hymen isn’t broken, once a
guy’s dick is in your pussy you’re not a virgin - although a medical doctor may
say otherwise.
For me, the decision to start having sex came about after I turned fourteen.
That makes it sound like it was the result of some deliberative thought process
or even a mature decision but nothing could be further from the truth. The fact
is, at the time I was horny as hell, he wanted to fuck me, we were at a place
where we could do it, so we did it.
Lucky for me, my first time was mostly a pleasant experience if you ignore the
obvious pain of a torn hymen. No doubt it helped that he was a couple of years
older than me and already quite experienced. It was also a great help that my
mom and I had discussed this quite a bit and I knew what to do and what to
expect. Indeed, mothers that don't talk openly to their daughters about sex,
thinking it will keep them form doing it, are actually hurting their daughters
more than helping them. One way or another they will do it if they want to so
why not help to make it an enjoyable experience?
My ONLY regret today is that in hindsight I wished I’d known my father had
wanted to be my first in which case I would have allowed him to do me before
some teenage boy. Maybe I was naïve but at that age the thought of sex with my
dad never even crossed my mind, not even in a masturbation fantasy. He
certainly had never said anything to make me think he wanted me in that way.
When you’ve seen your dad masturbate for years, why would you think it had
anything to do with you? So many people have told me not to feel guilty about
it but I doubt I will ever totally forgive myself for ruining his dream.
Once my first time was done and over, it was sort of like when I first started
masturbating all over again. I wanted more – a LOT more, and so I looked for
any opportunity to have sex with my boyfriend. Once again, dear old mom was
there for me and she helped in getting me on birth control. I suppose it goes
without saying that I didn't find any resistance from the male population in
satisfying my needs. Although I may have done more boys than most girls at that
age, I don’t really feel that I let THAT many guys fuck me – especially when you
consider how many cocks I sucked. Having a reputation as the best cocksucker in
school certainly has its rewards but at the same time I didn't want to be the
class whore either.
During these first few years of my sexual “career” I was pretty straight in that
I only had sex with guys. Of course I still masturbated with my friends and
even started doing it with my cousin Kristi but none of that never progressed
into anything physical where we would touch each other or something like that.
We just had fun, leaving the sex for the boys.
16-18 Just Having Fun, Introduction to Incest
=============================================
During my high school years I have to say that I was fortunate that my school
studies came easy to me as my focus was more on boys and having fun than
anything else. I started having sex with more guys and was pretty proud of my
reputation as the class slut. (I was NOT the class whore, just to make THAT
distinction.) What makes this period so special was that is was at this time
that I made what was to be the most influential lifestyle choice I’d ever made –
then and now. That was my decision to bring incest into my life.
First, let me emphasize that is was MY choice, not something pushed on me or
worse, forced on me. I’m a firm believer that the decision to include incest in
your life should ALWAYS be totally voluntary. While anything else may be
legally be classified as incest, it’s really rape and/or child abuse. Sure, my
parents may have laid the groundwork and left the door open for me but it was MY
decision to step through it, no one else’s. In many ways it’s no different than
choosing a religious or political path – my parents may have influenced me but
in the end, I made the decision. I am responsible for what I did and I have
never regretted the decision, not for even a moment. If anything, I ‘regret” not
doing it sooner!
Since the story is told elsewhere in my dairy, I won’t repeat the details here
but in short, I had sex first with my dad after secretly seeing him and my mom
making love for the first time. It thrills me to please my father in such a
personal way and overall it brought me closer to my parents – mentally as well
as physically. It wasn't until I submitted myself to my father, completely and
without reservation, that I realized what I’d been missing in my life. I
imagine it will likely be a similar experience once I get married but for now, a
part of my life is fulfilled by honoring my duties as a daughter by helping to
satisfy the needs of my father.
For the next couple of years, so far as incest goes I only had sex with my dad,
mom and her sister (my Aunt Linda). Although I was technically having sex with
two women, I didn’t consider myself as being bisexual. Face it, they were my
mom and aunt, not two girlfriends. One thing which was kind of ironic, was that
while I masturbated with my cousin and even shared some boyfriends with her, we
didn't have do anything sexual with each other. Yet at the same time, we were
each having sex with her mom but neither of us knew that the other was doing
her!
18-22 College, Lesbianism, On-Line, Escorting, Sex Parties
==========================================================
Although I had a well-earned and hard-fought reputation for being the class slut
while I was in high school, things were completely different at college. Just
as being a slut had been a deliberate choice in high school, so was becoming a
“nice” girl in college. Believe it or not, and contrary to popular opinion,
there was more to college for me than parties and sex. In choosing a school I
wanted an education that would best prepare me for a teaching career. I didn’t
want to waste four years just to be able to hang a piece of paper on the wall
and gain nothing else.
Overall I played things pretty much by the rules of the strict Christian
university I attended where they required me to abstain from any form of
personal misconduct, (including sexual promiscuity) as well as refrain from
being involved in any inappropriate entertainment forms including pornography.
Theoretically it was all suppose to build character and promote unity, peace,
and the “proper” lifestyle of the community.
Well, if you’ve been reading about me and know even a little about my past,
you’ve probably already figure out how I felt about all that. However, I
couldn't really complain about the rules as I knew what they were when I decided
to go. People use to ask me why I chose such a school instead of a more
“permissive” public university. The best thing about the school I attended was
that it addressed my spiritual needs in ways no public school ever could. What
people don't seem to understand is that I also have strong personal convictions
as a Christian woman, convictions I didn’t believe were in conflict with my
preferred lifestyle, regardless of what some would say.
Probably the biggest negative thing about college was that there were times when
I got so horny, times when the lust and built-up sexual tension got so strong,
that it all just overwhelmed me. This was especially true in my early years as
I learned to adjust to a totally different lifestyle. Like a rubber band, I
would stretch and stretch until suddenly something in me snapped and I would go
off and do something I wouldn't have done otherwise. Fortunately I was never
seriously hurt, physically or emotionally, by anything I did in college so while
I got a great education degree, you could also say I learned just as much in
terms of dealing with my own sexuality and ethics.
Starting with my freshman year, it was the first time away I’d ever been away
from home for any extended period. It was also the first time since I was
fourteen that I had to go without sex for more than a few days in a row. It’s
one thing to talk about with your parents and THINK you’re prepared for such
dramatic changes, but quite another when you actually have to endure it.
Fortunately, the Bible tells us that God never allows us to be in a position
that we can’t handle if we go to him for help. Well, all I can say is that my
prayers before starting school were answered. It was nothing short of a miracle
that my college freshman roomie turned out to be bisexual although at that time,
“lesbian” was probably a more appropriate description. Out of our mutual needs,
Brenda and I forged an intense sexual relationship. While we were never
“lovers” in a relational sense, we both enjoyed each other immensely and to this
day we continue to be good friends. Of course we have had to keep our
“relationship” behind our closed dorm door and otherwise away from school
property, such as the times when I would visit her home in a nearby town.
My luck with roomies varied dramatically each year which would then dictated my
daily lifestyle at college. As I mentioned, Brenda was best thing I could have
asked for during my freshman year. In my sophomore year there was Karen, a sexy
girl but also dedicated virgin who considered even masturbation to be “sex” and
thus not to be done before marriage. Perky little Jen was my junior roomie and
while we experimented a bit and openly masturbated, she was dedicated to her
boyfriend back home to the point where she even left school after that year to
go home and marry him. Ali, my senior year roomie, was sort of in the middle of
all of them. Sexy and definitely NOT a virgin, living with her was like living
with a sister - but without the incest I’d fantasized about growing up.
**********************
A college education is more than just earning a major. It taught me a LOT about
dealing with different people and lifestyles. Indeed, the second semester of my
freshman year proved to be a turning point in my “private” lifestyle. On a dare
I signed up for an adult-oriented web site using a new Yahoo profile and e-mail
address. This was more risky than it sounds given that the school “web police”
monitored our on-line activity but I found it titillating to talk to so many
different people about sex in such an open way. What’s important to remember is
that from the outset I only did this for fun and to blow off some steam, NOT to
meet anyone.
To my surprise, before long I was hooked. It was like someone who took a drug
just to “try it” only to find themselves addicted. Although I never had any
desire to meet anyone or get that serious or personal, it seemed that everyone
asked for nude photos or wanted me to cam or phone them. People couldn't
understand that I just wanted to chat as an outlet to express myself and let out
my frustrations that built up being in such a restrictive environment. Some of
them even got quite nasty about it!
When I started chatting I was really naïve about the whole on-line adult world.
I had no idea what to do or how to act so I would pretend to be whoever the
other person was looking for rather than being myself. Sometime “I” was
straight, bi, or a lesbian. I gave out my age from being a sixty year-old bored
housewife to a curious ten year-old girl using her mommy’s account (you can
imagine the perverted responses I got from THAT!). It seemed that the only
person I never pretended to be was ME!
To further the drug analogy, it didn’t take long before the initial thrill wore
off and I became seriously disillusioned but yet couldn’t stop myself. I soon
learned that virtually none of the “girls” I chatted with were even female, let
alone my age. Very few of the “couples” included a female half. Oh sure, I
found a few people – men, women and couples, who were great but probably more
than ninety percent of the people were just a waste of my time. I also grew
weary of the abuse people heaped on me because I wouldn't use a cam, phone or
meet people, like I was on there for THEIR amusement and pleasure.
For a short time I tried cybersex but it didn't take long to figure out I was
just being used as a free phone sex operator. It seemed so stupid because I
never actually DID most of the things I TOLD people I was doing. Face it, I
simply don’t get off by talking to strangers on the phone pretending to
masturbate. Actually, I’m not alone in this - ask yourself how many phone sex
lines do you see advertised with MEN answering the phone. The only girls I know
that enjoy cybersex say they do it because they like knowing the men are getting
off from them. I guess I can understand that somewhat since it’s similar to me
enjoying tributes and watching men masturbate on their cams for me. I just draw
the line at phoning them and pretending to get off myself.
Things eventually got so frustrating that I quit chatting for a while but after
a while I decided to try again - but this time I would only be myself. Since
then I seldom “cyber” unless it becomes a natural extension of a conversation.
There have been a few times when I’ve gotten caught up in a cyber situation
because I was too polite to tell the guy to go away and once he (or “she” in
some cases) got started I just went along with it but I was faking the whole
time. The funny thing is that I TELL people this on my website today yet they
still think I am being “real” with them when I go along with their cyber chats.
Today when I chat I tell people my real age (24), sexual preference (bi but
leaning towards guys), and relationship with my family (incestual since I was
sixteen). I am up front with the fact I don’t meet people on line nor do I cal
them or cam for them. If they don’t like it, that’s what the “ignore” option is
for! I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter if people get upset at me for simply
doing the things I TOLD them I would do and NOT do!
One last thing about my “no meeting” rule. I explain this in detail in my FAQ
but simply put, on-line I tell people things about myself and my family that I
would NEVER tell anyone that knew me in person. It’s not that I’m ashamed of
incest nor do I feel there is anything wrong with it, but I AM sensible enough
to understand that society in general doesn’t agree with me. I would NEVER
jeopardize my family or my future by exposing our lifestyle to our community so
therefore anyone who knows about it (meaning anyone who has accessed my Yahoo!
or MySpace Profile or contacted me on-line) is someone I can’t meet.
**********************
One thing I found was that people asked many of the same questions over and over
plus they all wanted me to tell them about my sexual history. That’s what got
me writing my stories – first to avoid repeating myself and second to provide
more details than I ever could in an IM environment. It wasn’t hard to come up
with story ideas – I just broke out my diary and expanded on a number of shorter
stories I’d written about my sexual experiences. I had always gotten off writing
about them even though my early works were just nothing more than notes and
comments. The process of polishing them up and filling in the gap proved to be
a very erotic experience and more often than not I would take a break to
masturbate as I remembered those times.
So why did I still do it? Boil it all down – it’s fun. From the start, I never
had any intention of meeting anyone or in any way getting more "personal", e.g.
phone calls, cams, etc. People had a hard time understanding, or even
believing, me when I say this but that's all I ever was looking for – people to
"talk" to and to share fantasies and experiences.
**********************
During the summer break after my freshman year, my best friend Beth introduced
me to the world of private sex parties. Although some people, like Beth, make
these a large part of their own lifestyle, for me they were interesting
experiences but not something I wanted to do all the time.
It was also during that same summer that I started having sex with my cousin
Kristi who, unknown to me, was being fucked by my dad while I was away at school
– sort of like she was substituting for me I guess. This was significant as it
was the start of an expansion of my incestual lifestyle beyond my parents,
Maybe the most significant memorable part that summer was how the separation
during my first year of my college ended up actually bringing my father and I
together more intimately than we anything we’d done before. I craved his love
and the security he brought to my life. My happiest moments were those when I
laid together with him in bed, feeling his cock throbbing in my pussy, joined
together with him in the most intimate way possible. It was like a rededication
where I turned myself over to him and submitted myself to him as his daughter.
There was nothing that I wouldn’t do for him, nothing I would deny him. There
were times he would look at me with such intense lust and desire that it
thrilled me to know I could satisfy the needs that were driving him.
Other than Brenda, I limited most of my sexual activities at school to
masturbation – well, make that a LOT of masturbation! There were some
encounters with Brenda’s brother, a frat party, and a few of times I went out
searching for a man like a vampire thirsting for blood. Probably the “worst”
case of my pussy ruling over my brain was when I tried escorting – not for money
but for the sex!
My sophomore year proved to much different from the first. Brenda was living at
home as it is only ten miles away and the on-campus living costs after the first
year were too high for her parents to afford another year. I lost the lottery
for an apartment so I ended up in the dorm again with a new roomie who was
definitely NOT bi!
Karen was a virgin who believed that even masturbation was form of sex and thus
not to be done before marriage. To make it even harder, Karen was an absolute
babe and didn't mind showing herself off. As you may be able to tell, going
from a roomie I shared a bed with to one that didn’t even like me to walk around
nude in my own dorm room has been more of a transition than I was anticipating.
**********************
After a fantastic and erotic Christmas break at home, the transition back to
school life was even harder than before. Most of the time I was hornier than
I’d ever been in my life. I wasn't sleeping at night and my grades were
starting to slip as it seemed all I could think about was sex. I started
cutting classes just so I could go back to my room and masturbate. At night my
studying took a back seat as I would just lay in bed with my hand between my
legs, dreaming of being with my dad or one of my past boyfriends. At church I
couldn't take my eyes off the boys and girls I worked with, imagining what I
could do with them.
Even my roomie started to worry about me although she was completely wrong about
what the problem was. She figured I was just homesick or having boyfriend
problems. As a virgin she would never have understood me even if I had tried to
tell the real problem. It was pretty simple – I needed sex and I was at the
point of doing almost anything to get it!
Of course the possibility of anything like the fantasies I was having a church
really happening were non-existent so I began to look into other options to
satisfy my ever-increasing sexual frustrations. The one idea that kept coming
up was being an escort. Not one of the web whores you find on the Internet, but
working for a respectable agency to meet guys.
I contacted a few agencies in Columbus and eventually decided to give one a try.
They checked out the clients and matched them with my desired attributes - older
married guys from out of town. They took care of the money although I got to
keep all the tips. Sex was NOT mandatory and completely up to me. Indeed, so
far as the company was concerned, sex was NOT part of the package but that
didn’t fool anyone. They sent a cab to pick me up and take me back. In
addition to the escorting gigs, I also agreed to do bachelor parties as they
sounded like a lot of fun.
At first it was great. The guys I met were nice, each different in their own
way. The parties were incredible! Unfortunately, my “career” didn't last long
as I quit after I was literally raped by the friends of one of my clients.
Still, it was an experience I’ll never forget. There have been times I wondered
what it would be like to have a lifestyle as an escort rather than just a part-
time thing to satisfy my needs at the time.
**********************
While I wouldn’t exactly call bestiality a “lifestyle” choice I made, it
could’ve easily been had I wanted it to be. During one of my summer breaks I
made a major decision, one that after all this time I’m still not 100% sure how
to deal with. There’s no easy way to put it so I'll just come out straight and
say it – I had sex with a dog. Yes, I sucked a dog’s cock and then let a dog
fuck me and even cum inside of me. I’m not ashamed of what I did but I’m not
necessarily proud of it either. It was something I did once and now have the
experience to remember. Doing something once just to see what it’s like isn’t
the same as choosing to make it part of you lifestyle.
If there was one positive outcome, it allowed me to make an informed decision
about whether or not to follow this sort of lifestyle. My decision was easy - a
resounding NO. It’s not that I didn't necessarily enjoy it. There WAS an
element of eroticism and face it, a hard dick cumming in me is ALWAYS welcome,
no matter who, or what, it’s attached to. It’s just that in my head I can’t get
past the thought that a DOG, an ANIMAL, fucked me. It’s just too weird for me
to handle.
22-23 Finding Myself, Settling Down, Self-Analysis, Escorting, Teaching, Love!
===============================================================================
Some much changed after I graduated and I can't say everything was how I
imagined it would be although all in all I was happy about where I was. Looking
back, I almost find it hard to believe how ridiculously horny and needy I was as
my college days came to an end. After four years of going long periods without
any decent sex and having to cram in as much as possible when I could, the
thought of being home for good and having it any time I wanted was almost more
than I could bear waiting for. Indeed, the first few months I was home I went a
little crazy over it. I wouldn't say I was "addicted" to sex. There was just
the frustration and horniness built up in me due to the situation I had been in
at school. I am a sexual creature by nature but not to where I NEEDED it to
live or anything.
My original career plans were to be a substitute teacher at my former school
district with hopes of someday securing a permanent position as a third or
fourth grade teacher. Those plans didn't pan out thanks to a tight job market.
After debating whether or not to go for my Master's Degree, I decided to get a
job and try living a while before settling down.
After considerable debate, I started working for an escort service. Unlike my
previous experience a couple of years back, this time it was as a JOB, not to
get laid. I get along well with people, I consider myself well educated and
articulate, and I'm told that while I look good, it's not like I'm some cover
girl who intimidates men with my beauty. If anything, my agency said men liked
me BECAUSE I didn't have the Miss America looks, being rather more like the girl
next door type which made me approachable and easier to feel comfortable with.
With my own income now secured, I was able to move into an apartment (freedom at
last!). People keep asking me why I wanted to move away from my parents,
especially given the intimate relationship I have with my dad. They forget it's
not like I look to him to meet MY sexual needs. I allow him to fuck me to meet
HIS needs. Of course I felt a little guilty not being there as much when he
needed me, but my cousin Kristi was been more than happy to step in for me so
it's not like he wasn't getting his quota of 20-something pussy.
Being alone in an apartment was a totally new experience for me. I've never
lived alone before. At school I always had a roomie and at home my parents had
the bedroom next to mine. Sometimes I wake up and expect someone to be there –
it's an eerie feeling! At the same time, it's great top finally have my
freedom. Before anyone asks, no, I don't hang around nude. No, I don't fuck
the neighbors. No, I don't trade sex for rent. So far as anyone in my apartment
complex knows, I am just your average girl recently graduated with a job in
customer relations (I thought that was rather clever of me).
Of course even though I wasn’t living at home, I still tried to take care of my
dad's special "needs" whenever possible. In lieu of our past "tradition" of his
morning wakeup call before work, now Sunday mornings before church I would stop
by to get the day started well for him. I love my father and I'll always be his
little girl!
**********************
Like me, my cousin Kristi was the school slut in high school. Two years younger
than me, she's always been a bit more on the wild side. After spending two
years at a state university where, among other things, she ran a "sex lottery"
in her dorm room to earn money, she dropped out and is now working for an
"escorting" agency. I use the quotes to differentiate her agency compared to
those I worked for after graduating. In my situation. I was a “true” escort.
Essentially, I was nothing more than a paid, PLATONIC, date. In comparison, my
cousin Kristi is a whore – plain and simple. I know that sounds harsh, but hey,
if the shoe fits….
One positive thing about having a whore for a cousin, it sort of opened my eyes
to where I might be heading as well. Did I really want this for me? As I was
debating it, One of my clients referred me to a company with an open position in
marketing on-line educational resources. Thanks to his 'recommendation", I
landed the job. I called my escorting company and resigned. My slut days were
now supposedly behind me although I certainly never intended to become a nun,
just not as big of a slut as I use to be.
Adjusting to an 8-5 job for the first time in my life was more of a challenge
than I had anticipated and office politics were simply ridiculous. I can’t say
I was happy working a “normal” job, not in the least. Even so, I rationalized
that had to grow up sometime and this was what mature people did.
At the same time, I was having a lot of trouble coping with a number of
conflicted feelings about my parents and how they raised me. I had people
telling me that my parents only wanted to use me for their own pleasure and that
I had been brainwashed into having sex with them. It made me think and I had
some real arguments with my parents over the issue.
**********************
After a lot of contemplation and long talks with my friends and family, I came
to realize that I had seriously and unfairly misjudged my parents and needed to
take responsibility for my own decisions and actions. Like an alcoholic who
finally confronts his problem, I reached the conclusion that I was addicted to
sex no different than a junkie addicted to drugs. In the end, so what? I
realized that my “addiction” was nothing to be ashamed of and I only describe it
in those terms to help people to understand what drives me to do some of the
things I do.
The marketing job that seemed so promising at the start had turned into a daily
nightmare of boring cubicle walls and office politics. The 8-5 job routine was
killing me and I missed the larger paychecks so eventually went back begging for
my old escorting gig. I was accepted back quickly – a testimony I would say to
my reputation from before.
For the next few months I worked 3-4 nights or days a week in the escorting
business. The rules were that I was not suppose to have sex with clients and
for the most part, I followed them. My agency was an escorting agency, not a
front for a whorehouse, and they made that clear with all the girls. I dated a
few guys now and then, hung around with my friends, and spent a lot of time
shopping. Sundays were for church and I always tried to show up at my parents
at least an hour or so early to keep my dad happy.
Overall, I was much happier although deep down, I knew escorting was not a real
“career”. Whenever I would pass by a school and saw the teachers there I had to
wonder if that would ever be me.
**********************
When I was offered a position at a small Christian school to replace a teacher
who had been injured, I jumped at the opportunity. Sure the pay sucked, so much
so that I had to leave my apartment and move back in with my parents, but I was
finally teaching!
One thing about a teaching career, most schools won’t hire someone as a teacher
if she has a reputation for being the town whore so I have tempered a lot of my
public activities. However, from the start I had a feeling the day would come
when I could no longer straddle the fence. Either I would stay as a teacher,
get married and settle down, or give in to my sexual nature and lead a life more
in that direction, perhaps going back to escorting or maybe even becoming a
dancer. I decided to put it in the hands of God and see where he leads me!
**********************
God certainly gave me his answer and it was in the form of a wonderful man named
Duane. My best friend Beth set us up and while I was mad at her for the blind
date thing, I knew from the moment we were together that this was something
different. Sure we had an intense sexual relationship, even doing it on our
first date. Duane already knew about my reputation and sexual activities (not
the incest part, of course). In fact, I was told that I had even blown him at a
BJ party some years before but I didn’t remember him. (Can you really blame me?
I must have done a dozen guys at that party). Yet as hot as I was for him,
there was much more to our growing relationship than just sex.
When are you in love with a man? Sure, I love my dad, but that is the love of a
daughter for a father, not the type of love he shared with my mother or two
people have for each other when they get married. There have been guys before
that I had a crush on, but that was more infatuation and sexual desire than
anything to do with a real relationship.
Did it mean I loved Duane because I cold watch a movie with my head in his lap
and not think about sucking his duck, but just enjoy being with him? Did it
mean I loved him because I could be in bed with him, naked and warm yet want
nothing more than for him to hold me tight and be with me? Did it mean I loved
him when my heart skipped every time I saw his name on my phone when it rang,
just because I wanted to hear his voice? Did it mean I loved him because I
would I go home after a date feeling totally happy and satisfied – even if I
hadn’t been laid? I thought so. At the time I was sure that I was in love with
him. Did I want to marry him? Not yet. It was too early for that but I DID
talk to my mom about it and she agreed that he was the one for me!
As much as I loved Duane, I still had “needs” and we were never “exclusive. We
both had sex with other people although we typically never discussed it. For
both of us, it was just something we did to have fun, not to “cheat” on the
other. I couldn’t see myself stopping having sex with other guys until we get
married after which I knew I would have to but why limit myself before then? It
was just sex anyway. Not like I was cheating on him.
**********************
All that changed in the fall of 2008. In the span of just over a month, I lost
everything that I loved - my boyfriend, my teaching position, and my mother. It
was without a doubt the worst period of my life. Fortunately, between my faith
and the support of my family and friends, I worked through it.
With the rent due and no job, I was left with no option but to return to the
only other marketable “skill” I have - me. That doesn't mean I whored myself!
I teamed up with another woman and worked as a lingerie model and "toy"
demonstrator at home parties that were strictly for women. Think Tupperware
parties but with thongs and dildos. Although I enjoyed it and had a lot of fun,
it wasn't exactly a career builder. Still, it paid the rent.
24 Lingerie Model, Single, Tutoring, Teaching in the Fall
==========================================================
My 24th birthday saw me in a state of transition. My “career” was going
nowhere. I enjoyed the modeling but there wasn't a future in it. While I had
lots of boy friends, none of them qualified as a boyfriend. Sex was easy to
come by but it was just for fun, no romance. My father and Aunt Linda were
becoming quite close, meaning he needed me less and less to satisfy his “needs”
although we tried religiously to keep our Sunday morning “tradition” alive. I
was just living life day by day, wondering where it was all leading.
Once again, I felt the presence of God in my life as it seemed yet another
miracle occurred. The principal (administrator) of the school where I had been
teaching had a heart attack and retired. I can’t say I’m happy he had a heart
attack but it DID open the door for me to return to my old teaching position.
Although I wasn't exactly proud of myself in HOW it happened, I eventually did
get a job again and will start this fall.
Now with school out, I have quit the modeling gig and I'm tutoring for the
summer. Socially, I date a lot of different guys but there's nobody special at
the moment. In my free time I love to hang around with my friends and family.
At the moment, I would have to say I'm pretty happy with my life.
25 On My Own, Elementary School Teacher
========================================
On my 25th birthday I took some time alone to consider where I was now. Wow, so
much has changed in the last year. I'm now a full-time teachers responsible for
the education of fifteen children in the 4-6 grades. I'm sharing a house with
my cousin now that my dad and her mom are living together. at the end of my
24th year I was forced to come to grips with a number of issues, including my
parent's divorce, my father's sexual addiction and pedophilia, and the true
nature of our incestual relationship. It was painful at times but in the end I
think it will make me a better person and daughter.
I feel so much older now for some reason. Sure I still love having a good time
– some things never change, but it’s like I am more selective now in what I do
and maybe a little less impulsive. I have a career now to consider. Marriage
is starting to weigh more on my mind as well. Gosh, if being a teacher has made
me change this much, just imagine what being a wife and mother will do to me!
Where this will all lead to... I have absolutely no idea. If I’ve learned
anything, it’s not to even try to predict the future. I have placed all that in
God’s capable hands so stay tuned to find out!
26 Engaged!
============
Actually I said "yes" when I was 25, just after Thanksgiving last year. Before
the summer is over I'll be married to Steve who was also my first boyfriend and
the one who took my virginity. We only dated about six months before his mother
was transferred to the West Coast but last summer he and his mom moved back to
the area, we reunited (in more ways than one) and ultimately he proposed!!! So
now I’m in the midst of wedding preparations and still feel all tingly every
time I look at my ring finger.
Yes, he knows all about me - everything. He accepts that I have obligations as
a daughter to fulfill even though he isn’t anxious to be involved. Well, at
least not with my dad although he HAS shown a great deal of interest in my aunt
Linda - much to the consternation of my cousin Kristi. One thing that has turned
out differently than I had expected was that Steve was very interested in
swapping so we’ve already begun to cultivate relationships with pother couples
and begun experimenting. I had always assumed that once I was married I would
not have sex outside my marriage but now it looks like that was just a bad
assumption!
So stay tuned... who knows what will happen to me next!
My Lifestyle Choices