or: Jack Spratt
Title:  Jack Spratt's    Words of Wisdom


 
 


 
 


 


 
 
As 
I was lying around, pondering the problems of the world, 
  

  
I 
realized that at my age I don't really give a rat's arse 
anymore. 
  

  
.. 
If walking is good for your health, the postman would be 
immortal. 
  

  
.. 
A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still 
fat. 
  

  
.. 
A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while 
  

  
.. 
A tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 
years. 
  

  
And 
you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so. 
  

  
  
Now 
that I'm older here's what I've discovered: 
  

  
1. 
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it. 
  

  
2. 
My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran. 
  

  
3. 
I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling 
apart. 
  

  
4. 
Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded. 
  

  
5. 
If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my 
knees. 
  

6. 
If all is not lost, then where the heck is it? 
  

  
7. 
It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser. 
  

  
8. 
Some days, you're the top dog; some days you're the lamp 
post. 
  

  
9. 
I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of 
them. 
  

  
10. 
Kids in the back seat cause accidents. 
  

  
11. 
Accidents in the back seat cause kids. 
  

  
12. 
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. 
  

  
13. 
The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the 
bathroom. 
  

  
14. 
Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
  

  
15. 
When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants  to 
play chess. 
  

  
16.  
Its not hard to meet expenses . . . they're everywhere. 
  

  
17. 
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. 
  

  
18. 
These days, I  spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . 
.I 
go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm "here 
after". 
  

  
19. 
Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded. 
  

  
20. 
HAVE I SENT THIS MESSAGE TO YOU BEFORE............??????

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Words of Wisdom