THE FORGOTTEN HELMS SAGAS
Russell Hoisington
The Forgotten Helms Sagas are parodies which grew out of
theoretically humorous short stories added to e-mail messages to
some friends while I was playing the Dungeons & Dragons Forgotten
Realms game, "Baldur's Gate." I was playing an adventuring party
made up of characters suggested by (and *vaguely* resembling some
of) my friends. It is not necessary to have played the game nor
to have read any of the Forgotten Realms books to read the
stories, but if you have, you might occasionally catch a veiled
reference or a subtle pun or a blatant error.
While the stories are set in the Short Coast region of the
Land of the Forgotten Helms, I haven't limited myself to the
Forgotten Realms or any of the D&D worlds for source material. I
steal -- excuse me, I recycle ideas from other fantasy and
science fiction worlds as well as anything else that suits me at
the moment. For instance, fans of Terry Goodkind's excellent
*Sword of Truth* series will see a certain vague similarity
between my Mistresses Jeanette and Darra and Goodkind's
Mord-Sith, right down to Mistress Jeanette's red leather bikini
and her leather wand, the Angel of Pain.
Story codes you are likely to find include MF, FF, ScFi,
fantasy, cons, nc, viol, bd, and (with any luck) humor. PLEASE
NOTE: these are stories of the GOOD GUYS fighting bad guys in
rough times. Any rape and other nonconsensual acts will NOT be
the focus of the stories. They will exist only to show why Our
Heroes are justified in dispensing the bad guys a good thrashing.
So join Our Misfits -- excuse me, Our Heroic Knights of the
Merkin, who are:
Anton Burger, Human, Ranger, and leader of the Knights
of the Merkin,
Gryphon Lehrer, Dwarf, Fighter, and second in command,
when allowed to be by:
Mistress Jeanette, Elf, Thief, and Dispenser of Pain,
whose motto is "Magic is for pussies,"
Father Lardas, Human (more or less), Cleric of the
Temple of the Reformed Baptist who handles any
necessary tieing up (especially of nude females);
Mistress Darra Ravenclaw, Elf, Thief, Dispenser of
Suffering, and backup mage to
Parquierre, Human, Mage specializing in erotic magic
and official historian of the Knights of the Merkin
as they travel the Short Coast between Watered Drinks and
Baldie's Gait in search of action, sex, adventure, money, sex,
and the Forgotten Helms, which nobody seems to remember much
about. Oh, and sex.
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Russell Hoisington
Copyright 2003