Chapter 17 - The Last Hurrah's and an Epilogue
One of the big named bands, which will remain nameless, was looking for a temporary replacement for their lead guitar player who would be in forced re-hab for a few months. They had a grueling tour coming up, so Bob raised his hand offering Heather. It would only be temporary, and of course Heather was already known as one of the best guitarists anywhere. Knowing it was only temporary she reluctantly agreed to give it a try. She didn't relish touring with anyone except the girls. Studio work was one thing, but the road was a killer, or as Bob had described it, "a ball buster".
A couple days later, Heather and the band got together in one of the many studios in LA to put down a few tracks and see about compatibility.
After a little warm up time, they started to play one of their "hits" with Heather playing the lead part flawlessly as Bob would have expected.
About half way through the number, the drummer pulled up and stopped, shaking his head. "Chicky-poo, you have to play it a bit brighter, more feeling. Put some energy into it Honey." Chicky-poo was bad enough, but the tone of the word "honey" made the hair on the back of Bob's neck stand up.
"Oh shit, here it comes," thought Bob sitting in his chair quietly seeing Heathers eyes.
Heather slowly turned around to look at the guy, and you could already see the fire in her eyes. Mr. Drummer apparently had missed that.
"Excuse me? I think I was doing it a little better than Dicky did on the last studio track you guys put out. Maybe he was a little incapacitated?"
Mr. Drummer looked at her with a look that bordered on contempt saying, "Not even close, Baby Cakes. You missed a half dozen notes and your timing is way off. It's making me crazy."
Bob continued to sit without making a sound. It was difficult to keep the smirk off of his face and he had to put his hand in front of his mouth so it wouldn't be noticed. Heather was quite capable of taking care of herself, but he was there if needed. He doubted very much that any intervention on his part would be necessary. Bob knew that for her, this would be a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent, and he knew very well what was coming.
Heather looked at Mr. Drummer incredulously, then at each of the band members in turn, noting that the others were just rolling their eyes and shaking their heads. Apparently this wasn't a unique situation with this particular band member.
Heather never had any problem saying exactly what was on her mind and she didn't give a shit what anyone else thought. Her "speech" about tribute would give glowing evidence of that.
After a few contemplative moments, Heather, turned to face him directly, and while beginning to un-strap and put away her guitar, in a very calm voice simply laid into him, "Who the fuck do you think you are?"
Then to his wide surprised eyes, "Listen Bonzo, let's play the track back from the booth. You tell me where I missed any notes and I'll point out your total lack of timing and the beats you totally fucked up. I'm making you crazy? Puleeezzzzeeee!"
She paused for a moment to let what she had already said sink in. Mr. Drummer's face was already turning a very bright shade of scarlet. Was it embarrassment or anger? We'll never know because Heather continued, "I can assure you, 'little man', that 'my drummer' played better than you do when she was in grammar school. Other than your pushy, egotistical asshole attitude, I fail to understand how you've managed to keep this gig as long as you have. You're far less than amateur quality."
Then as the 'coup de grace', "If you auditioned for me, I'd laugh in your face, then tell you to go practice for a few years before trying to pass yourself off as a drummer. In two words dude... you suck."
Bob laughed out loud, he couldn't help it. He thought the guy was going to have a coronary. The guy certainly wasn't used to being talked to like that, and was literally sputtering and choking trying to get a few words of rebuttal out. He didn't make it.
Heather looked at Bob and said, "Let's go, Sweetie. If this two-bit drummer wannabe wants to play ego games with someone, he can play them without me. Life's too short to put up with his kind of infantile bullshit."
Then looking to the rest of the band, "I'm really sorry guys, but you really need to find yourself a drummer. One that can keep a beat and not mess with your timing. Even if he wasn't such a prick, I wouldn't last ten minutes playing with his drumming." She paused for a moment then continued, "Come up to 'The Girls Playground' in Willits and listen to Janell just once and you'll know what I'm saying."
Then after a short pause, "Better yet, I'll send you one of our DVD's. We actually did three of them, but the 'Final Tour' is by far the best. There are 'specials' on each copy, one with each of us 'just showing off'," she chuckled. "Take a look-see at Janell's special section, or the 5th set during the concert itself. I think it's actually disk 5, but you can look it up."
Then looking directly at Mr. Drummer, "You'll see and hear a real drummer."
The whole time she was addressing the band she had finished packing her guitar and other things into their cases. She picked them up and without looking back, started to walk out of the studio with Bob.
Bob turned and gave them a "What me Worry" shrug with a big smile. If he'd been missing a tooth he'd have looked like Alfred E. Neuman.
The door was closing behind them but Bob grabbed it before it closed completely. They heard quite clearly one of the other band members yelling at Mr. Drummer, "John, your miss-placed ego and your stupid mouth just cost us another premier musician. I think the rest of us are of the same mind dude, but I'm done with this charade. Personally, I'm tired of your shit. You're just a fucking asshole, and she's right you know, you are a shitty drummer, and it only took her half a track to figure it out. What does that tell you? I'm outta here!"
Heather and Bob just looked at each other with uncontrollable giggles, got into the car and headed for the airport. They needed to get back to the ranch so they could put down some additional tracks on the new CD they were all working on.
It was all original music, and it was going to literally rock the world.
-----
When they walked in, the other girls were noticeably relieved that Heather was with Bob. They had been very worried.
They totally cracked up when Bob told them what happened blow by blow, word for word. Heather just sat there looking at them with a wry grin. They knew her well enough to know Bob wasn't exaggerating anything. He didn't need to.
"Totally," Janell laughed looking at Heather. "I heard them do a show once and it was hard to listen to them because he kept losing the rhythm. I played better than that in junior high school."
"I told him grammar school," quipped Heather.
Maryanne nodded, "Yeah. I had the same experience. I don't know how they do records."
Billy chuckled and said, "Multiple takes, Honey. He plays the same thing over and over then the producer pieces it together as best she can. You can pretty much do anything with 100 fill ins. It's like the stuff you guys play once, maybe twice in the fill in room. He does that for hours! I'm sure it drives Jilly bonkers. She's very good, and I can't figure out why she agreed to hook up with that bunch."
Then laughing, "It's just some sound engineering hocus-pocus that Jilly manages to piece together, but when you do things live, you can't hide that kind of ineptitude. Jilly doesn't do them live like I did for you. She's too smart for that. I'm trying to hire her away from LA by the way."
Then as an afterthought, "It's part of what makes you girls so damned good and easy to listen to live. You play 'studio quality' every time you pick up your instruments. It's that simple."
Heather told them what they'd heard on the way out and suggested that they probably wouldn't be doing any more recording as a "band" and that it's likely the upcoming tour would probably be canceled. She also told them that before she dressed him down she'd looked at all the other guys and they were all rolling their eyes, so she just took that as a sign.
"I mean... shit... you know me. I'm going to call it like I see it, so I did. Oh Billy, it might be a good time to approach your friend Jilly!"
Sitting around the table, sipping on whatever they were drinking, they all laughed hysterically. They knew Heather didn't mince words. They'd heard her lay into the media at so-called press conferences. They'd ask a "stupid question" and Heather would give them the answer they deserved. It pissed off a lot of media people, but they knew better than to take her on. It's one of the advantages of being squeaky clean. Well, mostly.
After a long silent pause Heather looked at Bob thoughtfully, "I know you want to promote us for other work, Honey, but honestly I'd prefer to just stay with this group and play my music. I don't need or really want all the notoriety that you've been working for. I have all the notoriety that I could ever want. I recognize your efforts, and I'm sure we all appreciate it, but it just comes with too much baggage. I'm really sorry, Baby."
Bob looked at her nodding his head, trying to suppress a grin, letting her know that he was listening. He also noted nods of agreement from the others in the room.
"I'm happy just working with the six of us, and being back here to do studio work with my family. I don't need all of the other bullshit that comes with 'fame'. Bob, you've gone through it already, you know what I'm saying!"
Bob nodded knowingly, "Yes I do, Honey, yes I do." Then slowly and softly, "To move at the higher levels you have to put up with monster egos, and you just ran into one who thinks he can play. Because he's such an asshole, nobody has had the balls to tell him up front ... and it took a woman, with big balls, to do it.
Heather just looked at him with a grin and said, "Bobby, I don't have any balls... Ok, neither does he."
"Anyway, Honey, most of them really can play. I think you handled it pretty well, though in the 'big time world' you'd have just put up with it because of the name recognition that went along with it."
He looked around at all of them, "You are all in the 'big time world', but you've done it without compromising your integrity. That's pretty damned rare and it's something you should all be extremely proud of."
Heather picked it up, "I'm not putting up with any of that shit, Honey. If that's what it takes to be deep into the 'big time world', I don't want to be in the 'big time world'. Maybe it will work for Chelly, Janell or Maryanne, but it's not what I want for me," Heather noted emotionally.
The other girls were very contemplative as they listened to both of them discuss what had gone on, while Heather expressed her feelings, which pretty much mirrored all of theirs. They had all gone off at one point in time, and played with others in a studio situation, but these guys had wanted Heather to tour with them as a "guest guitarist".
She was already very well known in the industry as one of the premier guitar players, so she really didn't need any name recognition or ego boost. Anyone who mattered already knew who she was.
It was apparent that the rest of them weren't all that sure how they felt about it at the moment. They had been very fearful that Heather would leave the band for those "greener pastures" Bob always seemed to be trying to steer them all towards.
What she had just said gave them some assurance that it wasn't going to happen, at least not any time soon. Each in her way was very relieved. They all loved Heather, and knew it wouldn't be the same if she weren't there. In their mind, if Heather had decided to join and essentially leave, it would have signaled the end.
Bob looked around the room and found four girls very deep in thought. He knew what was going through their heads, and didn't blame them one little bit. They had been together doing this since junior high school, and the thought of one leaving, maybe permanently, wasn't something any of them really wanted to deal with.
Billy also recognized the dynamic that was being played out and just "sat in the corner" with his mouth zipped. He'd seen it all before but he had confidencethat with this bunch, it would all work out for the better.
"Penny for your thoughts," Bob finally threw out to the room after a long silence.
They all looked at him seriously, but it was Maryanne that really verbalized what she felt the rest were thinking, "We have plenty of money, Bob. Shit, we have more money than we could spend in a couple lifetimes. We're well known throughout the world. We still have our sanity, which I've come to learn is a rare commodity in the music industry," bringing chuckles from everyone including Bob and Bill.
She continued, "For me? I'm happy just being one of "These Girls Can Play". I don't need to be anywhere else."
All the others were nodding in agreement, then Chelly added, "I don't think that means we won't play with other people, or we won't do any studio work with others if they need or want us to, but as far as touring or being a part of another band, not me. I'm very happy and quite satisfied right where I am."
Heather looked around the room and tears started dripping from her eyes. Having to choke it out, she told them, "I couldn't leave this group guys." Looking at each, "You are my family. You are all I have in this world and that's far too precious to mess up. You guys, all of you, are my world."
The others jumped up to hug Heather and they were all crying by then. They all understood how difficult it had been for her to cope with her parent's death. Bob had helped her immensely, but other than him, the four of them, Billy and Terri, she really didn't have any family.
Heather continued, "I can honestly tell you, that as far as I'm concerned, I will never permanently leave this group. Without you guys, I'm nothing. You are my center. You are what I live for each and every day."
Bob stood up and looked at all four of them with a very satisfied smile. He'd wanted them all to branch out and excel with their respective talents, and they had really done that. They did it without compromising their personal integrity or losing sight of who they are deep inside. That's a very rare commodity in this business where it's so easy to sell your soul to the highest bidder.
They have never forgotten from whence they came. They are always there when anyone in the "community" needs something, trying to help with whatever they could.
Yes, they had lots of money, but they all give some of it away. They had started the TGCP Foundation to handle contributions to the needy. They also insisted that the foundation support young musicians everywhere. It was well on its way to being self-supporting and all 6 had only put in $20 million each of their own cash.
Their families were in want of nothing, never asked for anything, and were truly embarrassed when their daughter "gave" them what they needed. Their daughters just took care of things that needed to be taken care of. Sometimes Judy was really embarrassed that Chelly would make deposits into her bank account, just because.
Oh, just for the record, that small deposit that Chelly had made in Judy's bank account was $750,000.00, and it was only the first. Janell and Maryanne's families were well taken care of as well.
They'd done it all, becoming without question, the best of the best. They just didn't feel the need to do it with anyone else. They wanted to stay who they were and that was fine. In all honesty, it wasn't the way he had pictured it turning out, but he was very satisfied, very pleased with their decision.
He turned to find four very worried faces looking at him. They weren't sure what he was thinking; after all they'd just rejected everything he'd been working for all these years.
He smiled at them lovingly and said softly, "I think you are making a wise choice. It may not be what I had pictured originally, but it's the right decision for you. You four have never, ever compromised who you are, and that is a rare thing in any business much less this one. Money hasn't jaded you. You're still the same four sweet young women I began to work with over six years ago. You've taken care of your families, and you donate all kinds of money to charities through the Foundation. I'm so proud of you four, and I love you all so much I have no way to express it," he said.
Heavy sighs of relief were heard in the room. Now that things were settling a bit, Bill moved in from his corner to put his arms around Maryanne. She turned and looked at him with a warm smile.
Bob continued to brightening faces, "To get into the 'big time world' takes a very thick skin, and a back stabbing attitude as Hey found out. It's not real pretty much of the time, and you four got there without any of that. Well, I suppose you all have developed thick skins by now, but you're certainly not back-stabbers, sneaks or cheats."
He got giggles from all of them.
Bob looked around continuing, "I'm very satisfied and very happy with your choices. I think Chelly said it best though, you don't have to limit your experience to just this studio. Just be very choosey when asked to participate elsewhere. You have the talent, experience, and reputation to pick and choose. You're not hungry to be noticed; trust me, the whole of the industry knows who you are. Shit, the whole fucking world knows who you are."
Now having said all of that and seeing their faces he added, "If I were to make any suggestion to you, in your shoes I would choose only those opportunities where you can all play together, and always remember, you don't need me.
Realistically, you've never needed me. Maryanne is fully capable of playing the bass for this band a whole lot better than I ever have. She just needed to be freed up to practice and display all the other talents that she brings. You are all extremely accomplished musicians on your own and I'd put you up against anyone, anywhere, anytime, but man, when you four play together, it's magic."
With a big smile he said softly, "I couldn't be more proud of all of you, nor can I think of any musicians I've ever worked with that could make me feel more complete as a musician myself. You four are not only exceptional musicians, but you are exceptional women and I'm so honored that you have let me be part of your world."
They all gathered around for a big group hug. It wasn't ending here, as they may have feared, it was just moving in a different direction, and it was good.
"Now," Bob said enthusiastically, "Let's go up to the Playground and finish up with this damned album so we can get to Maui for rest and relaxation.
The End
* Reference to the young violinists from Lubrican's story, "Fiddling around with Uncle Bob". Used with permission.
Epilogue and some Rehash
"These Girls Can Play" toured for six years after the release of that first album. Bob and Billy decided that the best way to get name recognition for concert tours would be to put out a CD of "one set" prior to the tour. It was done to excite a prospective audience, and succeeded far beyond their wildest expectations.
Every show, on every tour sold out the first day tickets were put on sale, and a number of times, when there was enough slack time between close venues, the girls would add a show or two in some of the larger arenas in an attempt to satisfy demand.
They love their job. Their shows generally consisted of a minimum of three, forty minute sets, usually more and longer depending on the audience response.
The four song encore always ended with the same Three songs, "Dust in the Wind" as recorded by Kansas, "Where have all the Flowers Gone" as done by the Kingston Trio, and "Find the Cost of Freedom" as recorded by Crosby, Stills, and Nash. There was a lot of criticism regarding those last three numbers alluding to a completely downbeat ending to a very upbeat show.
The girls always felt that music made an important statement; after all it is a universal language. They wanted to end the show with thoughtful music, making people think about the state of things in the world around them.
Ask the question of yourself, "Where have all the flowers gone..."?
They did "Find the Cost of Freedom" as a tribute to all the veterans that have assured America's freedoms since the Revolution. It is their attempt at reminding people that Freedom isn't free. All five members playing acoustic guitars played it then sang a Capella with harmony that was usually perfect. If you have never heard the song, you can find it with a YouTube search -- Play the version with David Gilmore, David Crosby, and Graham Nash.
The group scripted ten, three set shows and played them pretty much as scripted with some minor variations. The Beach Boys Medley was played during nearly every show, but the play order and the number of tunes was sometimes changed.
The "change instruments" medley was only played at a few selected shows, and it was never deviated from for obvious reasons. It was done for the last concert, in the fourth set, so that it would be filmed for the final tour DVD.
Michelle obviously learned to play the guitar and after a couple years became a fairly accomplished guitarist, as did Janell. They didn't play the same as Heather or Maryanne, but that was not their goal. By the same token, Heather and Janell became fairly accomplished at keyboards with Janell taking on the saxophone and flute. She tried the doudouk, but couldn't make it produce any good sounds.
Speaking of the doudouk, it was suggested by someone during their run that the tune, "Troubled", from the same album, "Passion", could be used to segue out of "The Feeling Begins". After listening to the mix the girls wholeheartedly agreed and added it to the show in many venues. It was a perfect addition to their répertoire.
Today, the girls all wealthy beyond their wildest dreams, still live and make music with Bill and Bob in "The Girls Playground" at "The Ranch" in Willits. You can also find them on Maui every chance they get.
Maggie, her husband and their kids are the caretakers and the place is always immaculate and ready whenever they decide to fly over, usually on a whim.
Since Maggie is there, Judy spends a lot of time visiting, but doesn't want to get in the way, though she is a doting Grandma. She took some of Chelly's 'small deposits' and bought a small home on Maui an appropriate distance from the girls place. Judy also found a significant other and together they occupy the home. All the girls like Rachel very much and well, Judy shares too.
Bob, Heather, and Michelle were "married" three months after the last tour finished, having been successful in hiding their relationship from the paparazzi for over six years. Bob didn't want Heather or Chelly to be subjected to the bullshit, especially with a shared relationship. You can only imagine the "Star" or the "Enquirer" stories on that subject. Although when Bob thinks and talks to the girls about it, that whole scenario could have been a kick in the ass. It would have taken Bob's "mind fuck" games to a whole new level.
Their relationships could be a story all by itself, but that would have to include Janell. Maybe someday it will be written.
They got some new neighbors along the way and they all get along famously. Tom and his brood raise a lot of the girl's food and share in all of the children's education chores, but again, that's for the future.
Michelle obviously stopped looking for and never found "Mr. Right" but she and Heather always have shared Bob equally. Truth be told, she never once regretted giving up her fantasy for Heather. It made her fully realize her true love for Bob, which as it turns out, was far beyond just getting her pussy stuffed.
Heathers unconditional love for both Bob and Chelly allows her to share "our man" with Michelle in a "married" relationship and there has never, ever, been an issue between any of the three. Chelly and Heather will always share a love for each other that is closer than twin sisters.
Billy and Maryanne had married a few years earlier in secret. Well, those in the band knew, but nobody else.
Janell and Terri are inseparable. The press got a hold of the idea that Janell was gay and of course, tried to make it into a big deal, but she always played it perfectly. When asked about being gay, she would just respond, "It's none of your fucking business, and what difference would that make in how I play my drums? Next question."
If anyone tried to pursue it any further than that, they would all just turn and walk away. The "Press Conference" was over! The rest of the girls handled it pretty much the same. If asked, they just told them to ask Janell.
Terri ended up coming on every tour with the group after the first one. Being a CPA, Bob gave her a job doing the paperwork for the shows, keeping track of payments, expenses and all the things that an accountant would normally do for a small "company". Essentially she was the CFO of "The Girls Playground Enterprise, Inc." as it was now known.
She made sure that all the permits and licensing were complete and in order. She was the person responsible for keeping track of the music that was played so that royalties could be accurately paid. Bob was a real stickler on "Intellectual Property Rights", but he'd been burned in the past, so was always right on top of it with Terri's help. They were always squeaky clean!
Terri always says, "Auditors? Bring 'em on!"
If you were to visit the ranch today, you would find the four girls, Bill and Bob in the studio, doing more recording. They continue to put out a new CD about every 18 months or so, always their own music now. Lennon-McCartney had nothing on Miller, McArthur, Ellis and Tejano, and unlike many others, there is never any bickering about who did what. They do everything together as a team. As of yet, none has had the desire to do any solo work.
You would also note that each of the four girls is with child.
Janell, with Heathers enthusiastic approval and encouragement, continued sleeping with Bob on many occasions and especially during her fertile times for a few months before she became happily pregnant with "their baby". Janell also learned that all men aren't "pigs", and that one particular man had many redeeming features. She would also find another man she could trust but that's in another story. Heather and Chelly usually took those opportunities to have some fun with Terri.
The girls decided to do a few benefit shows each year, playing some of their own music along with the list of "other's" music that they had played for so many years. None have any desire to start a new tour regimen and are very happy to do no more than studio work. They don't rule it out, but it's nowhere near the top of anyone's list, if it's on the list at all...
You'll note that throughout this story I've referred to most all the women as "girls", especially those in the band. I know some women out there, especially the libbers, will take offense at that.
They referred to themselves as "the girls", so if you're offended, tough shit. Take it up with them.
Believe me, each of these girls is all woman. Every one of them is an extremely strong woman in her own right. They know it and really don't give a rat's ass what anyone else thinks about it.
Thanks for reading!
{end-note} The entire playlist collection - show 1 thru 10 with encores is posted on ASSTR, and www.pacojones.org. The author did a complete set and it came to 22.2 hours of music in MP3 format.
Please, if you do put your own mixes together, honor the intellectual property rights of those who worked so hard to provide you with that entertainment. Buy the music and enjoy it.
{/end-note}