e: The Julia Roberts Experiment
Author: Count Delasoif
Code: ttttttm/f demon/f anal oral cons nc rape preg fant

NB: This is kind of a sequel to You Bet Your Ass and Hot Buttered Ass. It's a bit of a deviation from Reality. It contains lots of jokes, a talking cat, plenty of pop culture references and some comments that you might understand better if you'd read the previous two stories.

To recap the essentials, In Hot Buttered Ass, Tina fitted a cat flap between the living room and the bedroom, that was just too small for her (or Keri) to fit through.


Chapter One

	One Saturday morning, Tina and I were sitting down for breakfast.
	As I served Tina her bacon and eggs, Misty, her cat, jumped up onto the breakfast table. She padded across to where Tina was sitting.
	I could have sworn the cat was smiling.
	“Yo, Tina,” Misty growled, in a sultry Brooklyn accent, “where’s my kibble?”
	I dropped the frying pan.
	Tina blinked.
	“Yo, Bitch,” Misty growled again, flashing her sharp little teeth. “I want my breakfast and I want it now, Lady. Where’s my kibble?”
	Tina gulped.
	“I’ll… erm… just go and get it.”
	“Good job. I’m freakin’ starving…”
	Tina nervously got up from the table and poured Misty a big bowl of kibble.
	“Hey? Where’s the freakin’ milk, lady?”
	Tina poured a splash of milk into the bowl.
	“Good. Now go and change my litterbox…”
	As Misty munched, Tina pulled me into the sitting room.
	“What the hell was that? Our cat was talking to us!”
	“I know. And shocking language, too. I thought you’d brought her up better than that.”
	“Hey!” Tina snapped. “The. Cat. Was. Talking.”
	“Yes, I know.”
	“Cat’s don’t talk!”
	She had a point there.
	“Woah, Johnny!”
	“Exactly! What the hell is going on?”
	Tina and I nervously peered through the door into the kitchen.
	Misty looked up from her bowl.
	“Do you freakin’ mind? I’m eating here!”
	We ducked back under cover.
	“Woah, Johnny!” I repeated.
	“This is nuts,” Tina shook her head. “I mean, I’ve got a million books on cats and kittens, but none of them mention what to do if your cat starts talking to you.”
	“Should we call the vet or something?”
	“I don’t think a vet’s going to help.”
	“This is your fault. You let her watch too much TV.”
	From the kitchen, Misty shouted:
	“Hey! I could do with some more freakin’ milk in here!”
	Taking a deep breath, Tina ducked into the kitchen and refreshed Misty’s bowl of milk. She chewed happily, slurped her paws and then hopped off the kitchen table into the living room.
	“Where’s the remote? I want to watch Judge Judy…”
	Tina and I just blinked.
	While Misty channel-hopped, we crept back into the kitchen.
	“What the hell is going on?” Tina demanded. “Is Misty possessed by the devil? Because that would be just my luck. If one person’s pet is going to get possessed by Satan, we should have known it would be mine…”
	“Wait a second…”
	I picked up the morning’s mail.
	“This might explain things.”
	I tore open an envelope marked Reality Inc.
	“This explains everything,” I told her, showing Tina the letter. “We haven’t paid this month’s Reality Bill.”

Chapter Two

	Reality Incorporated.
	The company in charge of keeping your family hooked into Reality. Just like the Electricity Company keeps your house plugged into the Grid.
	“I’ve never heard of them,” Tina balked.
	“Neither had I,” I explained, “but I did hear about Bill not paying his Gravity Bill last year. By the time his service was restored, they found his fluffy little dog orbiting over China.”
	“Well, what do we do?”
	I checked my fake Rolex. Which had inexplicably become a real Rolex.
	“Well, we can’t pay it until Monday. We’re just going to have to spend the weekend without Reality. It shouldn’t be that hard.”
	“Yo! Tina!” It was Misty, shouting from the living room. “When you go out to work, pick me up some freakin’ catnip, okay?”
	“A whole weekend? Without reality?”
	“Should be easy.”
	“Okay,” Tina sounded uncertain. “I’m better go and get ready for work.”
	While Tina disappeared off to shower, I went into the living room and sat down next to Misty. She was sitting on the sofa, flicking through the channels.
	“Yay!” Misty growled. “It’s an all day marathon of Sabrina the Teenage Witch!”
	“So, Misty,” I asked her. “Do you know anything about this reality thing?”
	“Shaddap,” Misty growled. “I love this episode. It’s the one where Harvey comes out of the closet and marches in a Gay Right’s Protest.”
	“Oooookay…” Nervously, I stood up and went next door.
	Tina was just heading out, wearing her TGI Friday’s outfit.
	“Have a good day at work,” I told her.”
	“What are you going to do?”
	“I don’t know. Maybe play chess with Misty.”
	“Do you mind if I take your car?”
	“My car? Why?”
	We peered out of the window. My battered Pontiac Firebird had managed to turn itself into the car out of Knight Rider.
	“Well, this way you won’t get pulled over driving home from Checkers.”
	She kissed me and left.
	“Don’t wait up.”
	As I heard Tina drive off, I padded back into the living room and listened to Misty, cackling over Sabrina the Teenage Witch.
	Somehow I knew that this lapse in reality could be used to my advantage. But how? I need an idea.
	In the corner was the closet. It was a big, old closet that looked like it led into a totally different room. Actually, it only led into a small, cramped cupboard filled with waffle irons and hair accessories.
	With butterflies in my stomach, I opened the closet door.
	Beyond the door, instead of the tiny cupboard, was a flight of granite steps.
	I nervously picked up one of the flaming torches from the wall.
	Where the hell had they come from?
	Anyway. Torch in hand, I crept down the steps one by one, until I found myself in a huge, underground room.
	A huge, rusty lever was attached to the wall.
	I threw it.
	With a crackle and a hiss, strip lights flickered into life overhead. They lit up an immense, underground lab, straight out of a Frankenstein film.
	Electricity crackled. Machines hummed and whirred. A steel table, complete with electrodes and manacles, was riveted to the floor in the centre of the room.
	“Why the hell couldn’t that have been a pool table?”
	I walked over to the huge machine in the corner.
	Clone-O-Matic.
	It looked like a gigantic microwave oven, attached to a video recorder and a photocopier. Beside it was a handbook:
	Cloning for Dummies.
	“Hmmm,” I said to myself. “This look interesting.”

Chapter Three

	Tina and I are pretty kinky.
	We’ve had some pretty wild adventures. The most recent one was a game of You Bet Your Ass, in which Tina had made a gamble which resulted in me reaming her best friend’s ass all night in a debauched orgy of tequila, French porn and sodomy.
	Good times.
	Anyway. I knew that Tina’ sexual appetite was pretty varied and I was the conservative one in the relationship. I was always paranoid of holding back her adventurous attitude. But I was jealous and touchy on some subjects.
	Well, I thought to myself. Today is obviously the chance to redress that balance. I was going to give her a sexual adventure that she’d remember forever. Or, at least, until we paid our reality bill.
	I opened up Cloning for Dummies.

To Clone a Human Being (duration 2 hours)

4lbs Minced Beef (8lbs, if cloning somebody British. More beef.)
Pinch of salt.
3 eggs. 
Parsley.
3 onions.
1 Garlic clove (4 garlic cloves if cloning somebody French.)
Splash of Wine (half a bottle if cloning Sly)

Add to machine. Use Video Recorder or Photocopier to input specific details.

	I ran upstairs to the kitchen.
	Misty was still watching TV.
	“Yo! Watcha doing?”
	“Cooking.”
	“Well, I like my pancakes with chocolate chips.”
	“Misty, I’m not cooking…”
	Ka-click…
	“Okay, Misty. Chocolate chips it is.”
	After cooking Misty’s pancakes, I ran downstairs with the ingredients and fed them into the machine. Then, I opened up the photocopier and reached for the photo album.
	“Just wait until you come home, Darling…”

Chapter Four

	At three o’clock in the morning, Tina came staggering in.
	She was drunk. This was quite common after a session at Checkers.
	“Ah… Mrs Hulme,” I was waiting for her in the living room, stroking Misty. “I have been expecting you.”
	“Hello, Baby,” she slurred. “Checkersh wash really fun. Hic!”
	I stopped doing my Dr Evil Impression. Tina obviously didn’t appreciate it.
	“Hey,” Misty growled, as she jumped off my lap, “you still owe me five bucks for sitting on your lap, Ginger. Now I’m off to freakin‘ sleep...”
	Tina was tripping over her clothes as she stripped out of them.
	“Oh, Baby,” she staggered forward, collapsing into my arms. “I’m a little… hic! Drunk. But I love you. Make love to me, Baby…”
	She passed out.
	I dragged her, snoring, into the bedroom.
	It was dark in the bedroom. 
	As I threw her onto the bed, I switched on the light.
	“Hey,” Tina tried to focus her eyes. “Watsh going on… Hic?”
	“Well, darling,” I threw off my robe and flopped, naked, onto the bed beside her. “I spent the day playing around in the secret lab.”
	“We have a schre… shhh…. Schrecret… Hidden Lab?”
	“Just like in Dexter’s Laboratory.”
	“Cool…”
	“Anyway,” I explained, “you remember how I’m so jealous about other men being around you and everything?”
	“Yesh…”
	“Well, I figured this whole reality situation was good chance for us to have a crazy sexual adventure without the jealously issue. Look what I’ve made…”
	Tina looked up.
	Standing around the bed were six identical copies of her. All short and gorgeous, with Tina’s curvy figure and stunning face.
	“Woah,” she suddenly sobered up. “An eight person orgy with seven versions of me?” She peered at me curiously. “I think this is more your fantasy than mine.”
	“Well, I had thought of that,” I admitted, “but this is for you.”
	“Darling,” she patted my arm, “my fantasies involve having a threesome with, like, Julia Roberts or somebody. Not six identical versions of me. That’s a bit narcissistic. I mean, you’ve got to be really self obsessed if you want to make love with yourself…”
	“Well,” I winked, “they’re not exactly like you…”
	Wordlessly, I commanded the six clones to strip.
	As they threw off their robes, Tina’s eyes widened…
	“Woah!” She murmured.
	All six clones had Tina’s sexy, compact figure. They also had my ‘package.’ 
	I’d added a little extra to each clone so they were packing long, throbbing cocks, identical to mine.
	“Woah,” Tina said, again.
	At my command, the six clones clambered onto the bed. Tina fought them off feebly as they held her down. I stood back and watched.
	One of the clones kissed her, forcing her tongue into Tina’s mouth. Two other clones stretched her out, pinning my wife down as they sucked on her nipple rings.
	Tina’s legs kicked, until two of the clones grabbed her ankles.
	The other clone crawled beneath Tina’s thighs, kissing and licking her pussy. I heard four mouths slurping on Tina’s body. She tore her mouth away.
	“Oh, God, Sly,” she growled. “This is crazy! Get these monsters… Oooooh! Goodness! That’s my clit!”
	The clone between Tina’s thighs started slurping harder, pumping three fingers into Tina’s swollen pussy.
	Tina kicked and flopped…
	“I’m cumming! I’m cumming…”
	Sweat glistened all over Tina’s body.
	The clones slurped it up.
	Exhausted, my wife just groaned as the clones rolled her over onto her tummy.
	One of them parted her thighs.
	“Huh?” My wife peered over her shoulder, watching one of the clones kneeling down between her splayed legs. “What are you doing?”
	The clone was rubbing her cock up and down the lips of Tina’s cunt.
	“No, you can’t be serious…”
	Grabbing my wife’s ass, the clone eased her cock into Tina’s pussy.

Chapter Five

	“Oh, Fuck… That’s so big…”
	“8lbs of beef there,” I explained.
	The other clones were stroking and licking Tina’s body. Fingers tugged and yanked her nipple rings. One of the clones was sliding two fingers in and out of my wife’s ass.
	The clone fucking her forced her cock deeply into my wife’s sticky cunt. She was grabbing Tina’s ass so hard, there’d be bruises.
	“Oh fuck!” Tina pressed her face into the pillow. “It’s getting bigger in my pussy… Whatever that thing is, it’s going to cum…”
	The clone’s buttocks clenched. She pumped a big load of cum into Tina’s cunt.
	“Oohhhh. It’s so hot…”
	Exhausted, the clone rolled aside. Her cock came out of Tina’s pussy with a plop! A dribble of sticky cum poured from her cunt.
	“Wow,” Tina moaned.	“That was wild.”
	The other clones grabbed my wife and roughly pulled her onto all fours. One of them wriggled under Tina’s body in a sixty-nine position.
	It looked amazing. Two identical, female bodies, connected at the groin.
	Tina’s clone spread the cheeks of her ass and started licking and slurping at her cunt, sucking out great strings of cum. She sucked my wife’s clit as she drank.
	Tina moaned…
	 “I’m going to cum again…”
	Bobbing in front of her was the clone’s swollen cock.
	Without even thinking about it, Tina lowered her head and gobbled it up.
	Slap!
	The clone sucking Tina’s pussy slapped my wife’s ass and started jerking her hips, fucking her dick into Tina’s limp mouth.
	“Mmmm!” Great globs of cum dribbled down Tina’s chin.
	One of the other clones aimed her cock for my wife’s sloppy pussy.
	Soon, she was getting fucked at both ends. Big dicks reamed her fore and aft.
	Tina struggled to gobble down a spurting cock as it exploded into her mouth. The other spewed more cum into her pussy.
	“Oh fuck!” Tina felt her face rammed into the pillows. “This is too intense! I don’t know how much more of this I can take!”
	Tina was helpless. One clone after another knelt behind her, sliding their cocks into her sloppy pussy and fucking her hard and fast.
	Tina’s groans and moans were muffled by the pillow.
	One by one, they spewed fresh jets of spunk into Tina‘s hot little slit, until the spunk was pouring down her thighs.
	Eventually, all eight clones had cum.
	Tina pulled her head from the pillow.
	I knelt down next to her, wiping hair from her sticky face. She was covered in cum. Two loads splattered her face. Some of the load dribbled down her chin.
	“Wow,” Tina gasped, kissing me. “I don’t think I’ve ever come so hard… They way they were fucking me… It was hitting just the right spot.”
	She licked her lips.
	“And the cum... It tasted just like you…”
	“It is me,” I explained. “I cloned myself.”
	She struggled to sit up.
	“I’m exhausted. Could you tell these clones to get lost, now? I need to sleep.”
	I looked up.
	The clones were peering hungrily at me. Their limp cocks were swelling up again. I suddenly had the fear that they hadn’t finished with my wife.

Chapter Six

	I glanced at my watch.
	“Only another twenty minutes before the formula runs out,” I explained.
	One of the clones knelt behind my wife, rubbing her swelling cock.
	Another clone forced my wife’s face into her crotch, choking her with cock. 
	“Twenghh minughh?” Tina mumbled, a great big dick in her mouth. “I can’t last another twenty minughh!”
	Using the sperm running down my wife’s thighs, the clone kneeling behind her lubed up her cock. She pressed the head against Tina’s wrinkled asshole.
	 I heard my wife scream.
	With a pop! The clone forced her cock into my wife’s asshole. It sank in, right up to the balls. The clone grabbed my wife’s ass, pounding away.
	“Mmmgh!” Tears were in Tina’s eyes. “Mmmmmmmghh!”
	I could see by the way Tina was trembling that she was being forced into another involuntary orgasm.
	“Mmmgh!”
	Clenching her buttocks, the clone rammed herself deeply into Tina’s ass and spewed her butt full of cum. Jet after jet of sticky sperm filled Tina up.
	The cock in her mouth was coming too. Desperately, Tina tried to swallow down the cum as it threatened to choke her.
	With spunk dribbling from her ass and mouth, Tina flopped down onto the pillows. Another clone took position, inching her swollen dick into Tina’s ass.
	“Oh God,” she groaned, “not another…”
	Tina just lay there as the clone raped her butt, reaming out my wife’s ass. She pumped into her so hard that Tina’s buttocks jiggled with each stroke.
	Eventually, the clone orgasmed, spurting another load into my wife’s bum.
	That stimulation was enough to make Tina cum.
	“Oh, Fuck! Not again!”
	Another clone followed up the first. By now, Tina’s bum was slick with cum and wide open. So it took the clone just one thrust to bury her dick right up to the hilt.
	All eight clones took their turns brutally raping Tina’s ass, fucking her one after the other and filling her butt with their semen.
	Afterwards, they flopped back, exhausted. One by one, they started to disappear into the night.
	“Time’s up,” I told her. “They only last two hours.”
	Soon it was just Tina and I lying in bed.
	 Tina was exhausted, her ass and pussy pumped full of hot, creamy jism. It ran down her thighs in rivulets. The bed was plastered in it.
	Shattered, my wife curled her arms around me.
	“Oh, Baby,” she murmured. “That was too much. I don’t think I’d be able to stand up right now…”
	She reached down between my legs and felt my cock. It was swollen and throbbing, so turned on by watching six versions of my wife sodomize Tina’s ass.
	“I’m exhausted,” Tina admitted, “but I want a real load of cum inside me, not just this cloned stuff…”
	She wrapped her legs around me and I felt her swollen pussy suck my cock into it’s sloppy depths.
	As we slowly fucked, Tina kissed me passionately. I could taste cum on her lips.
	“Mmm,” she murmured. “I’m so full of cum, I can hardly feel you.”
	I slid my throbbing dick out of her cunt. A great river of sticky semen flowed out afterwards.
	“I’m going to fuck you in the ass, my darling,” I murmured, hooking my elbows under her knees and lifting her hips.
	On her back, Tina’s displayed her pussy and asshole. Both were swollen, pink and raw. Sticky dribbles of cum poured down her ass cheeks.
	“Be gentle, Baby,” she murmured.
	I pressed the tip of my cock against her asshole.
	Despite being reamed out by six cloned cocks, my wife’s ass was still tight and hot. She murmured and whimpered as I fucked her, pounding into her butt hard. She didn’t complain until I felt my orgasm bubbling up inside my balls.
	“Oohh. Be gentle! That’s so intense…”
	I dug my cock into her spasming asshole. As we both orgasmed, I shot another load of cum deep into her bowels, on top of the six others.
	Exhausted, covered in sweat and sperm, we both collapsed and fell asleep.

Chapter Seven

	The next morning, unsurprisingly, Tina and I woke up late.
	“I’m so stiff… I feel like I’ve just been… Hey!”
	I’d rolled on top of her, spreading her thighs.
	“Gentle, Baby…”
	Sliding into her pussy, I screwed her gently with my morning erection and soon added another dollop of spunk into her overflowing pussy.
	We lay in each other’s arms, panting.
	“I’m sorry, Baby.” I stroked her hair. “I couldn’t resist.”
	“Well, I know you’re highly sexed,” the patted my arm, “but you’ve got to give a girl a rest sometimes…”
	She walked, a little bow-legged, to the shower. I helped scrub off all the encrusted jism and then massaged her gently, rubbing baby-oil and moisturiser into her pert, beautiful body.
	A little later, I brought her a huge breakfast while she and Misty sat on the sofa watching TV. Tina was famished. I served her bacon, 6 eggs, hash browns, chocolate chip pancakes, a pint of milk and two glasses of orange juice.
	“I burnt lots of calories last night,” she explained.
	“I know,” Misty grumbled. “I could hardly hear the television.”
	The stripy cat jumped off the sofa and padded over to where I was sitting.
	“Morning, Misty.”
	“Hey, listen, Ginger,” Misty growled, jumping onto my lap. “I want to you to rent me some movies, okay? Horror flicks. I kinda got bored watching Sabrina the Teenage Witch all of yesterday.”
	“Erm… Okay.”
	“Cool. Now I’m off to use the litterbox. Nobody come into the kitchen for a while.” The cat trotted off.
	I climbed onto the sofa next to Tina and we cuddled for a while.
	“Hey, Sly.” She kissed me. “Last night was pretty wild… But could your next surprise me a little less… Penetrative? I think I need to give my pussy and ass a rest for a day or two.”
	I kissed her back.
	“Of course.”
	“I mean, I think you’re a bit too highly sexed anyway, so six extra version of your cock was a bit much for me. Eighteen times, I think it was…”
	“But you’re still up for more?”
	“No cocks!”
	“We’ve got pay the Reality Bill tomorrow, so any particular requests? It’s our last night.”
	“Well, how about that Julia Roberts idea. You, me and Julia Roberts, with some soft music and lighting?”
	“It’s a deal. I’ll work on the Clone-O-Matic while you’re at work.”
	“Great.” She got up and stiffly limped to the bedroom. “I’ll be back around five this evening. And can you clean the sheets? They’re kind of crusty.”
	“Gotcha.”
	While I bundled up the sheets, Tina got dressed. Soon, she staggered out and kissed me, heading off towards the front door.
	I showered and shaved. I had a lot to do today.
	Leaving Misty at home with a six-pack of milk and the latest DVD of The Family Guy, I whistled for my car and the black Trans-Am from Knightrider rolled up.
	“Good morning, Simon.”
	“What was your name again? CARR or something?”
	“KITT. It stands for Knight Indus…”
	“Whatever.”
	“What’s our mission, Simon?”
	“New sheets. And then we have to go to Blockbuster.”
	“Affirmative.”
	We rolled off 	
	Driving down the motorway, KITT’s controls suddenly started flashing.
	“What’s that? Are we low on oil or something?”
	“What makes you say that, Simon?”
	“Well, you are American built…”
	“Simon, I’m picking up a fugitive approaching this vehicle. Female. Around 130lbs. She’s wearing clothing from the New York Correctional Institution.”
	“Huh?”
	“Look out of the window, Simon.”
	I wound down the window and peered down the road.
	Running towards the car was a girl in a bright orange overall. I recognized her.
	“Bloody hell! KITT! Stop the car.”
	Screech!
	I swung open the door and the girl leapt in.
	“KITT. Get us out of here!”
	Sitting in the seat opposite me was Tina’s friend Keri.

Chapter Eight

	“Keri? What are you doing here?”
	“I’m on the lam,” she told me. “I busted out of the big house.”
	“The big house? You mean that one opposite Bill’s?”
	“No, you moron. Jail!
	“Oh. I heard you were in jail for a little while. But…”
	Keri was a slim, boyish girl with long, curly dark hair. She’d been banged up for a couple of weeks after violation of her parole.
	But here she was. Handcuffed wrist and ankle and wearing a bright orange jumpsuit. A bruise was on her forehead and she looked exhausted.
	“What happened?”
	“It was weird,” Keri panted. “I was sitting down for breakfast in the Mess Hall when, out of nowhere, this freight train came tearing through the wall. So a bunch of us escaped. I’ve just spent the last night trekking through the wilderness being chased by Tommy Lee Jones.”
	“That sucks.”
	“I know. If it had been Brad Pitt, I’d have let him catch me.”
	“I think I know what’s going on.”
	Out of my pocket, I pulled the unpaid Reality Bill.
	Along with Tina and my name, it was also addressed to Miss Keri O’Malley.
	KITT’s console flashed.
	“Michael…”
	“My name’s Simon.”
	“Sorry. Simon. Anyway. There’s a police roadblock up ahead.”
	Keri and I peered through the windscreen.
	“Holy crapola,” Keri gasped. “What are we going to do?”
	“Well, maybe they won’t stop us. We don’t look that suspicious, do we?”
	Keri. Orange jumpsuit. Handcuffs. Talking car.
	“British accent,” KITT added. “You know how all the bad guys in movies have British accents? Well, they’ll pick up on yours.”
	“You think?”
	“As a computer, Simon, my programming calculates we have a 00.06% chance of making it through that roadblock.”
	“Yikes.”
	Then, I had an idea.
	“Wait, leave it to me. Keri. Stay quiet. KITT. Don’t do any of your talking car bollocks for a while, okay?”
	“Yes, Simon.”
	As we approached the roadblock, I wound down my window and took a deep breath.
	The policeman peered his head through my window.
	“Sir?”
	I waved my hand in front of his face.
	“These aren’t the droids you’re looking for,” My accent was more Michael Caine than Alec Guiness, but it did the trick. “Move along.”
	“These aren’t the droids we’re looking for,” the cop repeated blankly. “Move along…”
	As KITT rolled off, Keri turned to me, amazed.
	“How did you do that?”
	“That old Jedi mind trick from Star Wars.”
	“Cool.”
	“Now, stay low profile while we stop at Blockbusters, okay?”
	“Got it.”
	A few moments later, I came back to the car laden down with videos. Steel Magnolias. Mystic Pizza. Ocean’s Eleven. Hook. Pretty Woman. Oh, and Exorcist, Demon Seed, Return of the Living Dead and some weird manga videos for Misty.
	“Let’s get back home.”


Chapter Nine

	Everything seemed under control.
	Keri was showering. Misty was sitting in front of the TV watching videos. I was forcing crusty sheets into the washing machine.
	Then, it was time to work on my project for that evening.
	I opened Cloning for Dummies.

Cloning Julia Roberts (duration: around $15 Million per film.)

2 Bananas
1 Orange
6 Cups Sugar
Splash of Lime
Splash of Botox
8 quarts Collagen
1 tube sexual lubricant
Wonderbra

Insert all other input details via VCR or Photostat.

WARNING: This recipe is only to be attempted by experts. 
Make sure ALL Clone-O-Matic settings are turned to Default.

	It sounded easy enough.
	I was just chopping up the ingredients when Keri came out of the shower, dressed in nothing but a little bathrobe.
	“What are you doing?”
	“I’m cooking.”
	“Cooking? What do you need 8 quarts of collagen for? Isn’t that the stuff they pump into people’s lips to make them look fatter?”
	“That’s the stuff.”
	“Yummy,” Keri laughed. “In that case, I think I’ll have pizza instead.”
	I started taking the ingredients down to the lab.
	“Hey, Keri,” I asked. “Do you think you could give me a hand?”
	“Sure. What do you want me to do?”
	“Grab those videos from the living room.”
	“Okay.”
	She carried the videos down and watched me pour the ingredients into the Clone-O-Matic.
	One by one, we fed the tapes into the VCR.
	“Great,” I grinned. “That’ll take a couple of hours to cook. Let’s go up and watch Return of the Living Dead with Misty for a while.”
	We trotted back upstairs.
	“Hey, Sly,” Keri asked. “Where did you get, like, the underground lab from? Didn’t that used to be a closet?”
	“Long story.”
	“Okay.”
	Grabbing popcorn and beer, Misty, Keri and I sat down in front of the TV.
	“Hey,” Misty demanded. “Where are the videos?”
	I peered down at the VCR.
	“They were just there…”
	“The videos?” Keri looked up brightly, bulling her bathrobe around herself more tightly. “I took them downstairs, remember?”
	“All of them?”
	“Well, yeah…”
	“Oh crap…”
	God! Why didn’t I check the labels when I’d fed them into the machine?
	Misty jumped off the sofa and ducked under the table.
	“This is going to be bad, Sly,” the cat warned me.
	The house started rumbling.
	“Simon?” Keri stood up nervously. “What’s going on?”
	“Well,” I explained, “the machine downstairs was set to clone Julia Roberts.”
	“Why the hell would you want to clone Julia Roberts?”
	“Tina and I were going to have a threesome with her.”
	“Woah. Kinky.”
	“Exactly. And the recipe said to add the input, like the looks and things, via the VCR. So I rented a load of Julia Robert’s movies.”
	“And?”
	“Well, when we were feeding them into the machine, I didn’t check the labels of the videos you were handing me. So we also added a bunch of horror movies.”
	“Horror movies?”
	The Exorcist. Return of the Living Dead. Demon Seed.”
	“That doesn’t sound too good.”
	Blam!
	Keri and I were thrown off our feet.
	The closet door had exploded. Stepping through the dust and debris was a tall, beautiful woman. Julia Roberts.
	Her eyes glowed red. Her head span around 360º. 
	“Mwuh ha ha ha ha! Fear for your souls, Mortals!”
	“Oh, crap,” Keri grabbed my arm. “Can I go back to prison now?”

Chapter Ten

	We cowered behind the sofa.
	Julia Roberts was tall, powerful and naked. Her body glistened with sweat. She gnashed her fangs and licked her lips with a long, forked tongue.
	“Come out, come out, wherever you are!”
	“Is she talking to us?”
	“Come on, you two little sluts!” Julia growled. “I want to feast on your souls!”
	This wasn’t looking good.
	“Did she just call me a slut?” I asked.
	“Concentrate!”
	“Okay. Maybe there’s something in this recipe book to help us.”
	I flicked through the pages.
	“What does default settings mean?”
	“Huh?”
	“It says you’ve got to set the Clone-O-Matic to the default settings before you make a Julia Robert’s clone. But what does that mean?”
	“It means you’ve got to switch all the settings to what they were at the beginning. You can’t leave them the way they were when you made the previous clones.”
	“Why not?”
	“Because whatever settings you had for the previous clone would be used when you created the next clone.”
	Keri looked at me nervously.
	“What settings did you have on the previous clones you made?”
	I gulped. “Those clones had one small non-standard feature.”
	“Which was?”
	Demonic Julia Roberts stalked the living room. I could hear her rummage behind the chairs, looking for her two helpless victims.
	Keri and I clung to each other.
	“What was the non standard feature?”
	“That was…“
	Keri’s jaw dropped.
	Hanging from between Julia Robert’s thighs was an immense, swollen cock.
	“You made Julia Roberts into a guy?”
	“No!” I explained. “I cloned six versions of Tina last night, but they all had my cock. I wanted her to have, like, this orgy thing, but I didn’t want her to be with other guys, so I cloned her body and my cock.”
	“And you made six of them?”
	“Well, yes.”
	“I’m surprised she can walk this morning.”
	“That’s what she said.”
	“Anyway,” Keri gulped. “This means that you’ve created a demonic, evil clone of Julia Roberts? With a huge dick?”
	“More or less.”
	“What do we do?”
	Suddenly, I had an idea.
	“Listen,” I told her. “In the bedroom is Tina’s computer. If you can go online, maybe you can pay the Reality Bill over the internet.”
	“And what will that do?”
	“When our reality service gets restored, all this will revert back to normal. Including the horny, pyschotic Julia Roberts.”
	“Okay,” she peered over the sofa. “It’s a good ten feet away. You’ll have to cause a distraction.”
	“Can do. But hurry.”
	“No problems. I can fit through the cat-flap you’ve got in the door.”
	“Actually, Keri, you won’t be able…”
	Too late. She was gone.
	Keri ran across the room, heaping for the cat flap.
	I tried to distract Julia Roberts by leaping out from behind the sofa and waving my arms about. 
	“Hey! Julia! You were crap in Notting Hill!”
	“How dare you, foolish mortal!”
	The demon clone knocked me aside. I landed in a heap in the corner.
	“Now where is the other puny runt?”
	My distraction worked. It gave Keri enough time to reach the door.
	My friend dived forward. Her head and shoulders went through the cat flap.
	Schtump!
	Her hips were stuck.
	“Shit! Sly! Help!”
	No matter how much she wiggled, Keri’s hips were stuck in the cat flap. Her bottom was sticking out of the door, defenceless.
	Licking her lips, the demonic Julia Roberts clone knelt down beside her.
	She started pulling off Keri’s robe.
	“Delightful,” the clone hissed.
	“Oh crap,” I heard Keri’s muffled voice. “This wasn’t part of the plan…”

Chapter Eleven
	
	I clambered to my feet.
	Bruised, battered, I didn’t feel altogether that well.
	But I had to do something.
	“Eeew!” It was Keri, screaming. “She’s licking my ass!”
	The evil Julia Roberts was kneeling down, behind Keri’s defenceless bottom. The clone’s long, forked tongue was lapping away at the girl’s pussy and asshole, slobbering saliva all over them.
	This didn’t look good.
	I picked up one of the dining room chairs and attacked.
	“Take that, evil video bitch!”
	Crash!
	The chair shattered over her back.
	In a flash, Julia Roberts was on her feet. She slapped me, knocking me to the floor. Then, with just one hand, the Hollywood horror picked me up and pinned me against the wall.
	“Bleugh!”
	Huge globs of spit poured from her mouth, splattering me. In seconds, I found myself plastered to the wall by a huge, evil spit ball.
	I couldn’t move.
	This was bad.
	Laughing, Julia turned back to Keri’s ass, sticking out of the cat flap. The evil clone’s huge penis was hard and throbbing. Whatever she was about to do, it didn’t look altogether that good.
	“Help!” The forked tongue was slurping at Keri’s pussy. “She’s… Ugh, she’s licking my clit again… Please! Help me!”
	Julia Roberts grabbed her immense dick and pushed it against Keri’s defenceless cunt. Covered in slobber and spit, the huge shaft split her open easily and all I heard was a low howl as inch after inch sank into Keri’s unprotected pussy.
	In seconds, there was just the slap of Julia’s thighs banging against Keri’s ass. 
	“It’s so big!” Keri groaned. “Oh, help me, Sly! It’s getting bigger!”
	Julia slapped Keri’s ass.
	“Prepare to take my seed, foolish mortal! Prepare to be inseminated with an army of satanic destruction!”
	“Waaaaah!”
	Tensing her buttocks, Julia Roberts thrust herself into Keri’s pussy and spurted a great jet of cum into her defenceless cunt.
	She thrust another couple of times, making this horrible squelching noise. Then, sated, the evil clone flopped back.
	As she pulled her limp dick from Keri’s pussy, rivers of cum poured out, all the way down Keri’s thighs. The clone must have spurted a pint of jism into the girl’s cunt.
	Leaving me pinned against the wall, Julia Roberts flopped onto the sofa and started helping herself to popcorn and beer.
	I called across to Keri.
	“Are you okay?”
	“I think so. It felt kind of good. But… eeew… Sly! I’m full of demon spunk. It’s dripping down my thighs.”
	The demon heard all this.
	“Mwuh huh huh!” Julia Roberts laughed. “She is just the first!”
	Oh, crap!
	I checked the clock on the wall. It was nearly five. Tina would be home any second! She was our only chance of rescue!
	The evil Julia Roberts drank a couple of beers (my beers, too. She really was evil.) Then, laughing wickedly, she knelt down behind Keri’s defenceless ass again.
	“You said the cock was a clone of yours, right?” Keri demanded.
	“Uh, yeah… Why?”
	“That explains why she wants sex every five minutes, you pervert!”
	The huge dick was eased back into Keri’s pussy again.
	The demon started fucking her brutally, banging her hips hard against Keri’s ass and slapping the girl’s buttocks every once in a while, just to get the desired scream.
	“Waaaaa! Help me, please!”
	Julia Roberts just thrust faster.
	“Oh, fuck! Sly! Help! She’s making me cum!”
	I saw Keri’s legs kick as she orgasmed. The evil Julia Roberts had to hold on tightly, riding her like a rodeo pony.
	She pulled her throbbing dick from Keri’s pussy.
	“Aaaiiie! Oh, that’s so big!”
	With one thrust, the evil clone had forced her immense cock into Keri’s asshole, reaming her out.
	Julia Roberts didn’t let up. She rutted like a jackrabbit.
	Her long, demonic fingers teased Keri’s clit as she humped the girl’s asshole, coaxing her prisoner to another orgasm.
	“I’m cumming!”
	Then, jabbing her dick as far into Keri’s ass as she could, Julia Roberts came again.
	This time, I could see Keri’s tummy swell as pints of thick, hot cum spurted into her ass. She screamed. It sounded almost as if she was cumming again.
	“It’s so hot! It’s sooo good!”
	Eventually, the thrusting stopped.
	Julia Roberts pulled her dick from Keri’s ass, a big puddle of cum pouring from the girl’s butt. Exhausted, demon and girl just lay still.
	Maybe this would satisfy the evil clone.
	Maybe this would be the end of it.
	But, no. Julia Roberts licked her lips, her cock already swelling back into a massive erection.
	My heart froze.
	I heard the key turning in the lock. Tina was home…

Chapter Twelve

	“Hey everybody!”
	Tina came prancing up the stairs, happy as anything.
	“Guess what? An English guy came into Friday’s today and told me that I was the new Slayer. I get to kill vampires and wear really cool boots and talk in California slang. It’s wicked cool.”
	She peered into the living room.
	The closet door was hanging from it’s hinges. All the furniture was overturned. I was pinned to the wall with huge globs of spit. Some girl, and Tina couldn’t have known it was Keri, was stuck head first through the cat flap with her ass sticking out of it. Huge dribbles of cum were running down her thighs.
	“What the hell has been going on… Argh!”
	Whump!
	Julia Roberts pounced, knocking Tina to the floor.
	“Mwuh huh huh!” The evil demon howled with laughter. “Another succulent little treat for me to savour.”
	Tina rolled onto her back.
	“Not so fast,” she hissed. “I’ve got Slayer strength now.”
	Whack! Thump! Blam!
	“Sly?” Keri shouted, her voice muffled by the door. “What’s going on?”
	“Tina’s come back,” I explained. “She and the demon are fighting.”
	“Tell her to kick it’s ass!”
	Thump! Crash! 
	“I think that’s what she’s doing.”
	“Who’s winning?”
	“Well, Tina’s got her in a headlock. Oh! Now Julia Roberts has kidney punched her. Ouch! That was a mean punch.”
	Kapow!
	“They’re staggering into the bathroom! It looks like…”
	Flush!
	“That evil bitch! She just shoved Tina headfirst into the toilet bowl and flushed it. Oh! But wait!”
	“Aieeee!”
	Tina just stabbed her in the eye with an electric toothbrush!”
	Kabloom!
	“They just went straight through the wall into the kitchen.”
	Whirrrrrr!
	“Yikes! The demon’s trying to feed Tina’s head into the can opener.”
	Chuguguguguga!
	“Tina’s just shoved the demon’s arm into the blender.”
	“Go get her, Tina!”
	Crash!
	The two of them came tumbling through the wall back into the living room.
	Tina, unhurt but stunned, lay on the carpet.
	The demon pounced.
	She rolled Tina onto her back. Pinning my wife’s arms down at her sides, Julia Roberts tried to force her cock into Tina’s mouth.
	“Mmmmm!” Tina pursed her lips.
	“Open up, you little bitch,” the demon growled. “When your hubby created me, he used sexual lubricant with a ‘delaying’ action. That means my cum can temporarily paralyse my victims…”
	The head of the dick forced itself past Tina’s lips.
	With a groan, Julia Roberts spurted spunk into my wife’s mouth.
	Tina’s eyes glazed. She went limp.

Chapter Thirteen

	Rolling off Tina, exhausted, the demon peered up at me.
	“She’s a tough little one, that woman of yours,” the clone admitted. “But now I’ll have my way with her, just like I did with that other friend of yours!”
	I watched, heartbroken, as the demon started stripping Tina out of her clothes. A moment later, she was parting my wife’s thighs.
	She aimed her cock for Tina’s pussy, rubbing the head up and down the lips of my wife’s defenceless cunt.
	“Open up, you little princess.”
	I closed my eyes. I couldn’t watch.
	Whack!
	The demon rolled off my wife, a pair of scissors imbedded in her skull.
	“Why you…”
	Tina hopped up, giving me a wink.
	“If you’d taken as many millions of drugs as I have growing up,” my wife explained, “you’d find the old paralysing penis trick just doesn’t work any more.”
	Thump! Crash!
	Wrestling and battling, the two of them crashed through the bedroom door.
	The door shattered. Free from the cat flap, Keri scrambled away.
	“Why you little bitch!”
	The demon had grabbed a handful of Tina’s hair. My wife was splayed across the bed, pinned down by Julia Robert’s weight.
	The clone’s massive cock pressed against Tina’s tight little asshole.
	“Woooooah!” Tina’s eyes widened. “Steady on, there!”
	The demon humped my wife’s ass, reaming her open.
	“Let’s see how you deal with my paralysing spunk when it’s spurted up your tight little butt, princess. Maybe then you won’t feel so frisky!”
	Tina struggled, but she couldn’t shift the weight on her back. Julia Roberts was thrusting, balls deep, into my wife’s asshole. Her buttocks jiggled with each thrust.
	Reaching out, Tina stretched for her computer keyboard.
	“That’s so good!” The demon slobbered. “I’m going to cum soon!”
	Tina typed desperately.
	www.realityincorperated.com
	“Ohhhh, you’re the finest piece of ass I’ve had in a century…”
	My wife stretched for the “Pay Bill” option.
	“Here it comes, you little bitch!”
	Clenching her buttocks, the demon started spurting a fresh load of cum into my wife’s ass. Huge globs of sticky, white spunk filled her up.
	The paralysing venom did it’s work.
	Finger over the “Confirm Payment” button, my wife’s eyes glazed.
	With a final grunt of effort, she pressed enter.

Chapter Fourteen

	Eventually, Tina woke up.
	I’d put her into bed, with fresh, warm sheets and plenty of hot cocoa. For the past twelve hours, Keri and I had nursed her.
	Exhausted, my wife opened her eyes.
	“Sly?”
	“Everything’s okay,” I told her. “The Reality Service went back on seconds after you pressed the button. Everything’s gone back to normal.”
	“The demon?”
	“Vanished.”
	“Thank God…”
	She sat up in bed and peered around.
	The house was in perfect condition. The furniture, walls and doors were all repaired. Everything had instantly gone back to normal as soon as she’d pressed the button. Even the secret lab, in the closet, had vanished.
	Tina turned to her friend.
	“Are you okay, Keri?”
	“Yes, except I have to call the police and explain how I’m not back at the prison. I wonder if they’ll remember the train incident?”
	“I don’t know. It strikes me that the only people effected by the breakdown in Reality are the ones who haven’t paid the bill.”
	“Dammit,” Tina grumbled. “That means the Red Indians who raided TGI Fridays last night didn’t really scalp Nicolette.”
	“No,” Keri sighed, “and I guess that news article about Gerard being in the Guiness book of records for having the world’s smallest penis isn’t true either.”
	“Wait a second,” I corrected. “That paper arrived this morning. That means it’s not effected by the Reality Shift.”
	“So it’s true? He does have the world‘s smallest penis?”
	“Well, until Guiness Book of Records interviews Sean, anyway.”
	Tina clambered stiffly out of bed and we all had breakfast. Waffles, eggs, bacon, burgers, stuffed suckling pig, roasted swan…
	“Wait a second?” I paused, the cup of ale inches from my lips. “What’s going on?” I peered across the table at Keri. She was cutting into a fine flank of venison.
	Misty hopped up onto the table.
	“Yo, guys. Whassup?”
	Tina’s face was pale.
	“I just remembered. You know the credit card I used to pay our reality bill?”
	“What about it?”
	“I think it was maxed out…”

The End
	

	


    

julia