My Story Part 80 "All war is deception." Corbin ********** Everything went so quickly that the ability to take in details mentally was derailed. They remain but fragments in memory, which provide no proper image --- perhaps just an impressionistic water color, a tangled web of death and destruction, over which the sweet stench of death hangs, thick and inert. The images around us had not changed. One would like to be able to describe it, to show the homeland its gruesomeness, all the while holding an outstretched finger in admonishment, and letting every- thing speak for itself. For us, it was something not so new, certainly less so then for you at home. But again and again, whenever we encountered death, he spoke to us, he flung a comrade to earth and then he remained silent, whenever we asked him anxiously what he intended to do with us, with you and with me. -Tigers ********** Yes, I am guilty of doing things that might leave you with the impression that I am really just some scared girly-girl. For example, when electricity to the gym parking lot was cut due to some construction on a nearby road, it meant that there was no lighting at night and the parking lot gets very, very dark. For safety reasons, the gym posted a sign at the front check-in desk, alerting patrons to the temporary loss of electricity in the parking lot and if you requested it, an escort to your car will be provided. Sure enough, for the two nights that I went to the gym that week, I asked for an escort. I was expecting allot of smart-ass comments from the staff/friends there, seeing how I am perceived as this big, strong girl, able to take care of myself. But the reality is, a woman is the ideal target in these circumstances, and I would rather avoid dealing with a robber (or whatever the intention) who may pull a knife or gun. After all, I am not bulletproof, nor knife proof and even with my martial arts training I still would rather avoid a potential serious injury. I know of actual instances where guys have left their Jiu-Jitsu Academy at night and were jumped in the parking lot, my friend fought off the attacker but ended up with some very nasty cuts from the rolling around on the hard concrete parking lot. ********** The next day, Vincent and I traveled to the Hotel du Palais in Biarritz, a wonderful resort where we would spend the remaining week of this trip. (Yes it's a real place). Overall, and to be expected I suppose, this was the best food I have ever had. Most importantly, Vincent never assumed any rights with me, what I mean is, when we arrived at the Hotel (which by the way is the nicest, most luxurious place I have ever stayed) he had allotted a room with an adjoining bedroom/guestroom. While I had in fact slept in his bed the night before, he wasn't assuming we would be sleeping in the same room while at the Hotel. What a total gentleman. But as I've already indicated, this was turning into much than a vacation for Vincent, he was becoming emotionally involved with me so I needed to tread lightly, least I break this poor man's heart. I did have true feelings for Vincent and cared for him deeply now that we have come to know each other so well in such a sort period of time. Many of these communications were taking place in non-verbal ways, but I knew that his feelings for me were starting to run much deeper for me, then my own for him. I often remember this line form a film I saw a few years back, how true it is; "How peaceful life would be without love. Also, how safe, how tranquil... and how dull." ********** The next morning Vincent went down to the Front Desk to inquire about some activities he had planned for us that day, and that's when I knew I had to make a choice, right at that moment. I vividly recall my hand was literally trembling when I picked the phone up to call her, I needed to hear her voice and know what the future held for us. So many thoughts, confusing thoughts were going thru my mind now. I no longer felt the same girl, so many repressed female urges and longings had come out these past two weeks. But one thing was still the same, my love for Nikki, the one constant in my life. "Nikki, it's Corbin, I'm still in France for a few days. I miss you and I love you. Call me back soon, I need to talk to you." I set the phone down and clutched my hands together, I sat for a few seconds, reassuring myself that I gave her the right number to call at the Hotel, but would she call? It has been almost two weeks since we talked and my insecurities were working me over. Maybe she and Katie had patched things up? Maybe she reconnected with some old boyfriend or met another guy? You see, like me, Nikki loved people and believed that the person she ended up with was going to be her soul mate. That person might be male, or female. How long sat on the edge of the bed I do not recall, several minutes, but I needed to refocus and began a slow walk out of the bedroom. I wasn't used to the sound of the phone and it took me a minute to realize it was ringing, when I did realize it was the phone I froze mid-step and spun around to pick it up. "Corbin?" I was shocked to hear her voice, I was expecting the front desk and it had only been a few minutes since I left her the message and wasn't expecting a call back so quickly. In fact I doubted it was even her, but it was, and I have never felt my heart go from a normal beat to full out racing as when I heard her voice on the other end of that phone. I had just listened to that voice on her voicemail, but hearing it now, live, over the line was so much more refreshing. So many feelings were suddenly rushing up from the pit of my stomach, I sat down on the edge of the bed because my knees were weak. (I always found that humorous, how an emotional situation always makes my legs weak, yet I can squat a hundreds of pounds? How odd!) "Nikki!" I just about squealed. 'Ok,' I told myself, 'Cool it, don't act like such a wacko.' "How is your trip?" She asked and for the next several minutes we chatted about my trip and how she was doing, and how I was doing. But I couldn't contain myself any longer, the voice in my mind was saying 'Be bold! With great risks, come great rewards!' Or so goes the saying. "Have you missed me?" I had to ask, yeah that kind of question sounds lame and needy, but I wanted to hear that confirmation. "Yes, I have, very much." Nikki's voice went soft, almost into a whisper and that told me she was becoming emotional as well. "I know what I want Nik." I said. "Say it, I want to hear you say it." Her voice was still low and soft, but I could tell there was a tremble, even almost half a world away, I could still detect those signs. But know what that reply meant sent me over the edge as I clutched my stomach, rocking forward on the edge of the bed, but before the words left my mouth I was suddenly standing, flexing my right hand into a fist as if I was overcome by joy, passion, any number of furious emotions that had been bottled up for so long and then the words were flying out of my mouth. "You are the love of my life and I can't imagine spending it without out. You're my soul mate Nik..." I started to choke-up and cry as I began to spill every goofy, romantic over-the-top thought right out there, right at her feet. I began to hear her weep on the other end of the phone and then her sobs started to come thru the line more frequently. "I've waited so long to hear those words, I should kick your ass for making me wait!" We both laughed a little at that comment. And then her voice and tone seemed to sober up a little and I knew a change in subject was coming, "Corbin, I'm sorry about our conversation right before you left on your trip, but you have to understand, Katie is a wonderful person and it ripped her to shreds when you came back into my life. I ripped me apart as well." "I'm sorry." I sighed and slowly sat back down, "I guess one's silver lining is another's black cloud." I moaned, not even realizing I was speaking aloud. "Listen to you." Nikki said, I could tell she was smiling, "I thought I was suppose to be the philosophical one." I now too had a grin from ear to ear. "How is she doing?" I tried to make it sincere, but I think it sounded forced. But let's be honest, I inserted myself into a serious relationship between two people, I was for several weeks the 'other woman', vying for Nikki's love. Maybe the deck was stacked in my favor, maybe not, 'maybe not' in the sense that even though Nikki's crush on me back in College was well suspected, my ultimate rejection of her feelings had deeply hurt her, so why in the world run that risk again? After all, she had something stable and safe with Katie. "A little better, a little bit." Nik sighed. "I want us to move in together when I get back." I blurted out, with my usual tactfulness and patience. Nikki just laughed, "WOW, that was a fast courtship!" I just blushed and covered my face with my right hand, "Sorry, your right. Would you please go out on a date with me?" "Corbin, I'm just teasing you, and yes, I will go out on a date with you." My heart just melted when she said 'yes', isn't that silly? Maybe not, I know, it sounds silly, having another girl accept an offer to go on a date and your heart fluttering as she says 'yes'. "Will you pick me up at the Airport?" "Absolutely." Nikki said. After many long, heartfelt good byes, we hung up and I felt empowered, my life was suddenly different. I really felt different, like all the final pieces of a puzzle coming together right when you want them too. I had never felt more whole or complete then at that moment and the odd thing of it was, all of it took place in a foreign country, over a long distance phone call, not in person, not face to face. It made the moment of our reunion all the more special. 'God I hope my plane doesn't crash into the ocean.' I thought with a bit of weird humor, and sincere worry. And then another reality hit me, "Oh my god! Vincent!" I suddenly gasped. "No, not now." I decided I wasn't going to unload this on him now, I would let the trip run its course. But for now, in this moment, I let myself bask in the warm glow of what had started deep in my tummy, and was spreading outward. I wanted to rejoice because now I had my answer waiting for me when I returned home, Nikki and I would finally be reunited. Gheesh I sound like such a cornball. In the meantime, with all this energy I suddenly had this urge to find the workout facility at this Resort and get back to some serious weight lifting, after all, it had been a week and a half since I've walked into a gym, and the urge for a strong, hard workout had me fired up. I suppressed my giddy, jump for joy attitude when Vince came walking in, although I couldn't restrain myself completely and gave him a big hug and a kiss when he walked in the door. He was extremely ecstatic with that greeting, but I was doing it more out of love and joy over the conversation I just had with Nikki. I was moving thru the Hotel at a fast pace, I had my black Nike workout shorts, tee-shirt and running shoes on, I got several head-turning stares as I navigated my way down to the Hotel Gym. When I get like this, emotionally and psychologically pumped up, I have to consciously restrain myself and slow down, so that I don't just grab some weights and start lifting like some crazy person, I have to slow myself down and stretch and relax first. But it's hard to slow down when I am feeling this good. I wasn't one hundred percent sure things were a done-deal with Nikki, but no matter what happened my outlook was suddenly much brighter. On another positive note, the gym was mostly empty, it wasn't a big workout place, but sufficient. A woman and man did come in and workout while I was there, but I tuned them out, yet I could tell I was being 'watched', or perhaps the word 'observed' is more accurate. I was used to it, no matter, I was a good forty-five minutes into my workout having just finished on the bench press when I noticed Vincent was leaning against one of the walls, arms folded, a tote bag crumpled at his feet. "How long have you been there!" I Exclaimed in a bit of shock, but I guess I get like that when I am really into a workout, I just put blinders on and go about my business. "Not long enough, you are amazing." He shook his head and walked over to where I was standing "I am going down to the Jacuzzi, I brought down something for you to change into. I remember you pointing out a bathing suite earlier." He leaned over and kissed me before departing. I felt bad and good, bad because I think he thought allot of my giddiness was over the two of us and what the future might hold. But I can't think about that right now, I only have a couple of more days here with Vince and I don't want to spoil it. As I said, I also felt good, because visions of Nikki and I reuniting when I got home had me floating. The Jacuzzi sounded relaxing so I ducked into the Women's locker room, put on the bikini and showered the sweat off my body. I paused in front of the mirror and caught my breath, the workout had all of my muscles hard, pumped and defined, 'Damn' I thought, I was looking ripped and HOT! I snatched up a towel and walked down to the Jacuzzi, towel slung over my shoulder as I strode toward my destination, head held high. I don't understand but a small smattering of French, so whatever the men were saying to me as I walked by them I was just hoping it was flattering. Now I was getting allot of attention as I passed the pool and that's when I saw Vince and another couple already in the large Jacuzzi. Their conversation appeared to cease and the couple just looked at me as Vincent was now turning toward me, he was so funny, actually stuttering and stumbling over his words when he saw me standing in the bikini. I slipped off my sandals and eased into the water. The couple had been chatting with Vincent, but already I was picking up a nasty, jealous vibe from the woman as her husband had not taken his eyes off me since I arrived. Things didn't get ugly until introductions were made, in fact, right after I told the woman my name, her next question just about sent me over the edge, "Your last name, it has some German heritage, yes?" She asked. "Yes." I said coldly. "Your family is originally from Germany then?" "Yes." Again I kept to the one word answer. "That's interesting." She sighed. And that's about as much as I feel like elaborating on that topic and fortunately the woman didn't pursue the subject any further, otherwise they would have had to uncork her head from one of the Jacuzzi's jets. (I'm proud of my heritage and family background, but it's not something I talk about, and yes I can read and write German fluently.) ********** We had just come back to the room from a late dinner on the first night, both of us fairly tired, but I was feeling very relaxed as we stood out on the balcony overlooking the Mediterranean sea. It was chilly with the breeze, but I felt warm because he was standing behind me, wrapped in his arms. The sounds of the hotel, people, the sea, and of course the smells that stay with you are what I try and hold onto. Closing my eyes I thought about Nikki and wondered if we would ever be together, I realize now, maybe too late that we were meant to be together, but if she rejected me again...well... "Corbin" The calling of my name pulled me out of my dream as Vince was turning me toward him, I blinked my tired eyes and smiled, but then I wasn't smiling, because he was not smiling and he looked very serious, that's when I got nervous. "What?" I said, but it came out sounding more like a gasp as I was trying to catch my breath. 'Oh shit, oh no!' my mind suddenly cried out, this is where the rubber meets the road (as the saying goes I believe) in my gut and heart I knew this was going to be a serious conversation. He started to gently rub my arms and back, soothing me a little and then gave me a barely discernable smile, it's always been that way with us, like he could read me and knew when his serious expressions were causing me concern. "I have fallen in love, with you, and I want you to please consider moving here, moving to France. It's a huge commitment I know, but it took meeting the right person to realize that there is a whole new life to be made. After all I went thru, after Sophia's passing, I was resigned to certain things, but that is no longer the case. My travels and job only get me thru the days, my passion and attention is completely about you now. Ever since we danced that first night I've dwelled on nothing but what our life would be like together." I never even realized that he was now clasping my hands in his, holding them to his chest as I stood gawking and listening to him speak. He paused and tightly clutched my hands some more, his body language and expression told me he was close to tears. If he was waiting on me to speak, well he didn't have to wait long, the words were leaving my mouth and it amazed me that I spoke them without ever giving it a conscious thought. It shocked me to then hear those words out loud, "I care so much for you Vincent, and I love you as well." His reaction told me everything, his eyes closed and he let out a deep sigh, a sigh of relief that he seemed to be hoping and praying that I would reciprocate his feelings. But now comes the hard part... "Right now, I am 'In-Love' with someone else." I sighed and narrowed my eyes a bit, steadying myself, desperately trying to read every little reaction on his face, but the darkness on the balcony made that difficult. I was slightly amused that the thought did appeal to me, to leave all of my little dramas behind and move to France, maybe this is the turning point in my life that I should seize. It excited me to think about what new roads lay ahead if I accepted Vincent's offer. He didn't respond, well not verbally anyway. He simply pulled away and led me to the large living area of our suite, he guided me over to the sofa and once again I felt a very intense conversation coming on. I'm shaking again, but I'm not cold, I'm scared, scared because real emotions are on the line, people's lives will be affected and that affects me to my very soul. I can see it's having the same affect on Vincent, from the way he clears his voice several times and how he is trying to cover the trembling in his hands. I try to be gentle with him and hold him, wrapping my right arm around shoulders as I sit to his left. He leans toward me and suddenly I find myself being the comforting one, the strong one. But that's the way things really work, women are emotionally stronger then men and physically have better endurance. I'll even go so far as to say men are the weaker sex, although I think I have said that before and on more then one occasion. :) "I do fully realize the depth of your feelings for Nikki, but the depths of my feelings are just as sincere. You see, I want you to be my wife Corbin," He says as now I am the one tightly clasping his hands, he's now looking straight into my eyes, but now everything goes blurry and I'm blinking furiously to try and see. The tears are overwhelming to my vision, but I successfully fight off a total breakdown, I need to be coherent just a little bit longer so he can finish telling me everything. I've had men offer me proposals of marriage before, but this has got to be one of the most intense offers ever. "I want you more than anything in my life right now. That's why I want you to move here, so we can start building a life together, so that I can properly ask you for your hand in marriage at the right time." "That's so wonderful Vincent." And I start crying a little and we pull each other into snug embrace. Strange where you find yourself sometimes, emotionally speaking, never would I imagine being in a place like this, with a man like this, contemplating so many serious options. And in case anyone was wondering, Vincent had no children, he and his wife had decided against having children, which made me think long and hard. But in the end, I never saw myself as wanting to get pregnant and have children of my own. Perhaps adoption? Who knows. For me, I think I was experiencing a different set of emotions, knowing that I would ultimately be letting Vincent go because every day here, no matter how wonderful, simply confirmed that Nikki and I are meant to be together. So I had to navigate thru allot of emotions over the next couple of days, so as to be kind to Vincent. It was so late and he whispered "Let's go to bed." In my ear to which I softly replied, "Yes". Again, Vincent's soft but intense actions spoke of wanting to make love to me, he wasn't simply saying he loved me, or was in love with me, it was also that he physically wanted to make love to me, to have my body for at least one night before I left to go home. That prospect intrigued me, because of the intensity of the conversation and heightened emotions, I was now very aroused, little did I know I was just how I was to be tested. (I've been tested before, with Dale back in College, my first serious boyfriend, we would be making out in his room and I was always having to but the brakes on before things went too far, it was hell of course. But over the years my willpower and faith has endured and steered me in the right direction.) My eyes blinked and tried to adjust to the one lamp illuminating the room, it was in the far corner of the bedroom. It did an inadequate job, but for the purpose of romance, well, it was perfect. I had walked to the foot of the bed and gripped the tall bed post, my brain was in a feverish swirl as my body wanted to feel his body against mine in the most intimate way possible, to see how our bodies physically felt against one another for the first time. There was still patience to be found in his every action, whereas inexperienced men and boys would be trying to tear away at my clothes, rushing in. But not Vincent, he seemed to try and savor every moment, touch and smell. I knew he was standing behind me and his hands came to rest on my hips, he didn't try and turn me around just yet, he wanted to remain behind me and started to move his fingers up my waist. The heat of his body was felt before he had even fully pressed up against me, and this wasn't just an embrace, I felt his fingers firmly grip my hips and begin to pull. We had held and gently fondled one another while in bed, but this was the most direct he had ever been with me, even more startling but arousing was the way his hands began to track forward, moving down the front of my thighs, closer to my crotch. I sighed and tried to relax, after all it did feel good and I hadn't even realized that I was pushing my butt harder against his crotch, the dress and his pants could not shield the bulge of his large erection. His kisses landed softly along my shoulder and neck as his fingers pressed in closer but stopped just short of my pelvis, would I have corrected him had he gone further? Maybe, but I was already performing a slight, very subtle rotation of my hips. He instantly returned this gesture until we were moving in unison, our bodies now felt erotically molding against one another. I even envisioned his penis aching to break thru the barriers of clothing for bare contact with my body. His left hand moved up and rubbed my strong abdominal six pack, his right hand still circling my most private of areas. I sensed he was loosing his composure, the normally focused and graceful Vincent was breathing heavy, even moaning. 'He wants me so bad he is out of his mind with lust.' I thought and a sense of empowerment shot up thru my body, emotionally, psychologically and physically I felt powerful. Odd I would throw the physical in there, but I can crush most men inside and outside the gym, including Vincent. I changed the course and turned around, he paused as if waiting for my signal on what I wanted to do next. I gave a sly smile and reached up, pulling on the front of his suite, pushing it back over his shoulders, he gave me a soft loving smile in return as he stepped back and slowly pulled the rest of the coat off, laying it aside casually. On another note, I desperately wanted out of these heels! His fingers worked on the straps of my dress, pulling them off my shoulders, then the reality of it hit me, the protection of my dress was about to be gone. That was when he stopped and looked right into my eyes. His face was a mix of emotions I couldn't even name but I felt safe and ready for what would come next. He was looking for direction from me, but I made no move to stop his fingers as they worked and pushed a little past my hips and I felt the dress crumble to floor around my feet. I stood before him in a bra, panties, and my heels. (Stupid heels, I really wanted out of those heels, did I mention that already?). I had undone his belt and felt my heart rate quicken, knowing that I would soon to be getting a first look at what had remained hidden for so long, it seemed to taunt me with our every embrace, tempting me as I would always feel it become hard as we hugged. The clothes came off slowly, too slowly sometimes, until he stood in his boxers and I still in my bra and panties. I took a deep breath, and the smile on my lips crept a little further into the corners of my mouth as my hands moved behind me and unhooked my bra. I was going to give him a look at my bare breasts, very few men have ever seen them. I sound really full of myself don't I? but baring any part of my body is no light matter, it should be done under the most sincere and intimate conditions. (Well of course I undressed in the women's locker room back in school and the gym, but that's totally different.) I rolled my shoulders and it dropped to the floor, ah relief, it always felt good to free the girls. I glanced down to the bra at my feet and then looked back up, I was curious to see his reaction, his face was even more flushed and he half-gasped, half-moaned at the sight of my bare upper body. My head spun a little as his hands touched my bare skin just below my breasts, gently and slowly moving upward as he whispered, "So perfect." I smiled a little at such a nice compliment, my eyes had started to become memorized as I watched his fingertips sliding over the swell of my sizable breasts, stroking gently and moving nearer and nearer my nipples and felt a strange desire to cry. A familiar energy began to surge through my body, from my toes which curled into the soft carpet below, moving straight up my spine. An instant later his fingers found my nipple I began to moan in a rapid succession of pulses, my insides throbbing as his thumb and index finger pinched my hard nipple, even pulling slightly. He did roll my nipple a few times making me moan until he released it, moving his hand under and cupping my right breast in his palm, he proceeded caressed my breast lovingly and lifted it a bit to feel it weight, he seemed mesmerized like almost all men, and spent a good minute or two exploring my breasts, their every curve. It was erotic and soothing, but more so when he pulled me close to him with his other arm. I heard my own ragged breathing against his neck as he simply held me there, soothing me, this is what drove me crazy, this feeling of security and intimacy as we held one another, feeling the heat of our bodies. He pressed his mouth against my ear and kissed, I felt the rush of air from his breath and it tickled my ear canal in a pleasant way. I made my own gesture and slid my left hand simply between our bodies and traced the outline of his penis beneath the fabric of his boxers, and I could feel its firmness, even the tip with is large head was easily discernable. He continued to touch my breast softly and started kissing my neck, he worked his way downward with his kisses, he stepped me backwards until the back of my legs hit the edge of the bed and then his mouth was on my breast, his tongue flicking out to touch my nipple. My lips parted in a gasp as I watched my nipple disappear into his mouth, his cheeks sunk inward as he started to suck it, I was groaning fairly loud now as jolts went through my body. I just kept staring, mouth a gasp as he opened his mouth and I saw his tongue roughly flicking over my hard nipple, a fresh coating of his saliva covered the tip of my breast. I didn't want him to stop, but he did and continued downward, licking and kissing and I shuddered as I watched him kneel in front of me, still working his way down toward the ultimate goal. I stiffened and stepped to the left to brace myself against the bedpost behind me, I was contemplating the right time to put on the brakes. He must have sensed those reservations because next he slowed his kisses, stroking my breasts and down over my hips, his fingers traced my abs and stroked the thighs of my legs, he changed his focus for a minute to my muscles. Strange how the balance of desire and lust shifts so suddenly, here was this incredible man on his knees before me, touching me, pleasing me, requiring little to no verbal direction. I seemed to command what I wanted him to do, or not to do, and he did it all without question. This whole time I thought I was the one being led around, being the very feminine woman, but it now dawned on me as I ran my fingers thru his thick hair, that he was the one always attentive to my every whim and need. Some women, with more demanding personalities might try and abuse this position, but I don't think Vincent is the kind of man that would stand for that, and anyway, I'm not like that. I can be demanding with my rules, and respecting my space, but in a kind way I think, or not so kind if I need to be. But still, his actions had their effects, even with my panties on I could feel the warmth of his exhaled breath against my crotch and that started a new tremble in my body. He placed a hand on either of my hips and looked up at me. I was struck by how handsome his face was, especially in the dark shadows cast by lamp and with such an earnest expression. He was moving again, but this time he stood up and wrapped his arms around me and held me without a word. But his gentle hug turned to stroking and as his hands slid down my back, over my waist, down to my butt, I heard him moan out against my neck "It's been so long." as he cupped my ass, the thong allowing his hands to roam over my bare skin. He turned his head and I decided to allow him to kiss me, to really kiss me, I had held back on many things and this would be the last chance to let Vincent know I really cared for him, because he knew I took kissing very seriously, as with everything. I wet my lips and felt his tongue sliding inside to explore my mouth as I moaned, it was a deliciously wet kiss, our tongues rolled against one another and our crotches gently ground as male and female organs feverishly wanted to be free from our underwear and mate with one another. We were both breathing hard when the kiss slowed to a breaking point, his fingers seemed locked onto my butt, he smiled and whispered, "So perfect and beautiful." And he squeezed my ass again. He stepped back and smiled, he took a step towards the bed as my hands reached behind me to clasp the bed post, helping to steady myself, my mind and body were spinning as I arched my back, the ache in my body was so great, I felt so sensually alive and aroused. My eyes watched the way in which he pulled back on the sheets. I backed up to the edge of the bed, sitting down, the coolness of the sheets felt nice against the curvature of my butt. He stepped to the edge of the bed and before I knew it, my left hand came up and braced against his stomach, he paused. 'This is as far as it goes' I thought, regardless of what desires were racing thru my body, I felt I had already led Vincent too far along as it is. Even now I needed to be clear how much I wanted to build a future with Nikki and certain lines were not to be crossed. I also decided, now was no time for wishy washy speeches and pleadings, I felt invincible and determined in what I had to do, I always reveled in my womanhood and protecting it against the persistent advances of men, I take great pride in being a woman and what my body is capable of doing. I gave Vincent this small indulgence with me because it was what I wanted as well, but any further would be taking things too far. "Things can't go any further until I get back home and spend time with Nikki so I know where things stand." My face became serious and somber, just like that, in a flash my mood altered, but then again women can be that way. I made no apologies for stopping things, after all, he should be thanking me, groveling at my feet for allowing him to take things this far. I could tell he was frustrated, a little upset, a little mad, he had allot of emotions involved with me. "I don't want you and Nikki to work things out, I want you here with me. I know that's selfish, but I want you all to myself." His right hand reached up and gripped the wrist of my left hand. I kind of wished he would try and force himself on me, that way I could kick his ass and make him submit, that seemed easier then going thru this emotional conversation. But, I decided to be nice and in reality I really just wanted us to hold one another on our last night, never a cross word had been spoken between us and the tension in the air was getting thick. "What I want, is for you to lay next to me, so we can hold one another. It's our last night together." I whispered and smiled a little. His smile was sad and forced, his cheeks trembled and he lowered his head, his right hand let go of my wrist and moved to wipe the tears from his eyes. It was emotional to watch him, but I had already made my mind up and the walls were going up for self protection. I scooted back onto the bed, peeling away the covers as I did. Slowly he crawled onto the bed and reached for me as I pulled the covers up over us, I remained in just my panties and he in his boxers as we hugged and talked. He would press his face into the crook of my neck and weep a bit. So there you have it, the worldly, strong, experienced, older man taking refuge in my arms, seeking comfort and reassurance. Sleep finally took my body over and just before I dozed off, I felt his hands gripping my biceps as he whispered "Such beautiful muscles." We awoke in almost the exact position, holding each other, our arms wrapped around one another. ********** When the car took me to the airport the next morning, he was on the verge of tears, as was I. He held me tightly and didn't seem like he wanted to let me go as he walked me as far as he could. And then he started to breakdown, nothing dramatic mind you, but it was painful to hear and witness nonetheless, he hugged me and began to weep into the curve of my neck, I could feel the wetness of his tears on my skin, it was like he became fearful he would never see me again. (I suppose some of you chumps thought I would put him in a headlock and toss him to the ground, verbally chastising him for being a weak, blubbering male and that he needed to stand up and be a man! HA! The irony in that statement! There is no such thing as "Real Men", men are all inherently weak and feeble compared to woman. You're only allowed to breath this earth's air because the job of curb-side trash pickup still needs to be done. :-) Yeah, there is a part of my personality that sometimes entertains things like that.) It's all a haze now. Seems like so many people that I cross paths with get emotionally wrecked by me to some degree or another. (On a side note, Vincent and I are still good friends. To this day he goes out of his way to see me and visit, and upon meeting Nikki for the first time he blurted out "You're choice is now obvious Corbin! Nikki, you are divine!" It was clear that he was very taken with Nik's beauty, I should know! But the looks and attention he gives me to this day tell me he is still very much in love with me, he even professed that to Nikki when he took us out to dinner one night. He was on cloud nine having the two of us at his table. "I wanted Corbin to be my wife, I still do." He smiled at Nikki in what came across as a declaration and a good natured challenge, that if Nik ever let me go for a minute, Vince would be waiting in the wings to sweep me away to France with him. "That will never happen." Nikki gave her retort, while reaching under the table to firmly grip my thigh. God it was exciting listening to them banter over me!) ********** The plane ride back was exhausting. I was unable to drift off into a restful sleep, the man next to me kept trying to make polite conversation, but his questions kept getting more and more personal. Something woke me up and I impatiently noted that there was still four hours left in the air, and then it dawned on me, some bit of reality began sinking in as I cracked open the window shade to my right, 'Nikki is picking you up at the Airport.' My inner voice said, 'And a whole new life will begin for you at that moment.' "Oh shit!" My heart was racing now and the adrenaline was waking me up and sending me into an emotional tailspin, I teetered between crying and laughing, both out of delirious joy. The panic that I did feel was due to the self-doubt I had about being mature enough to meet all of the expectations that I had promised, but in the end I rationalized that such doubt is without merit, that just being myself with Nikki was all she ever wanted, that she never wanted or tried to change me in anyway since I have known her. The veins in my neck were throbbing as the blood rushed up and down my body, I felt light headed as I stood reaching for my carry on bag. The man that sat next to me was still hitting on me and offering to get my bag for me. I tried to be polite, but I barely acknowledged his presence anymore, my mind was spinning and my heart racing. Yes I was exhausted from lack of sleep due to anxiety, and I was still reeling from a wonderful trip with Vince, it feels like I have been gone two months instead of two weeks. This next part will help emphasize just how out-of-it I was, when I stepped off the plane and appeared at the gate, my eyes darted around but didn't find Nikki anywhere! My heart plunged into the dark depths of fear. But wait, this doesn't look like my Airport? YOU BIG DUMMY!!! I still have another connecting flight to catch, I AM IN FUCKING OHIO!!! NOT NORTH CARONLINA!!! I am such a retarded spaz. I just stumbled forward, toward a row of empty seats at the gate and plopped down to rest, I wanted to break down and cry from all the stress I had put myself under. I reached into my purse and found my boarding ticket for the remainder of the trip home, I had an hour layover. I made a slow stroll down to the gate to sit and wait for my plane. I turned on my cell phone and found I had dozens of messages from family and friends. I deleted most and saved some of them. The most recent message was from Nikki and I just about had another breakdown as she called to confirm my flight and check on me, I could hear it in her voice, it sounded like the old Nik, the one full of confidence and joy when we were so close back in College, back from a time when she had hinged so much of her future on me wanting to be with her, spending the rest of our lives together. Finally, we would get started on that trip together, although it got painfully derailed by almost a couple of years. I called her back on her cell and right away she was asking me what's wrong, she was on her way to the airport as we spoke. I related to her my state of confusion over what airport I was in and my initial moment of panic. She began to laugh and then I was laughing as well. "See you soon. Have a safe flight." She said. "Not soon enough." I sighed. "I love you." Nik said. "I love you too." We hung up and I leaned forward in my seat, hunching over a bit more then normal so no one could see me wiping the tears from my eyes. I could not believe it, was this the same girl that had kept me at arms length for so many weeks? The same girl that seemed stiff and unresponsive? I didn't know and I didn't care, not anymore. ********** I sat in my seat watching the terminals pass as the plane slowly crawled toward my final destination. I was hungry, tired and relieved to be home, I barely ate anything since leaving France. 'Home sweet home.' Those words took on a whole new, relevant meaning. My eyes are looking straight ahead now, and I can't remember who was walking behind me or next to me, or even how fast I was walking, I was in a slight daze, my state of mind affected by my lack of sleep and all of the emotions welling up inside of me. Why was I thinking of the song 'Half a World Away' by R.E.M. as I trudged forward, seeking out only one thing as I walked thru that narrow tunnel. When I emerged there were crowds of people waiting, more so then I was anticipating. Some waiting to get on the plane and others waiting to greet those disembarking. But suddenly I took notice of nothing beyond the most simple of observations, because finally I was home and even that reality didn't register until I saw Nik standing not more then twenty feet away from me. Her beautiful face lit up into a smile and her arms outstretching toward me, I took several long strides to cover the last remaining feet and hugged that girl as tight as I dare. I inhaled every smell of her perfume and absorbed every touch of her clothing and skin, I felt the waves of relief rise up in me and I relaxed my body, in the next moment I was softly sighing and crying just a little bit onto her shoulder. "I've missed you." Nikki said and began cry as well, stroking the back of my head. Yep, I was finally home, and in more ways then one... "... And I knew that I had found the love that I knew I had missed."My_Story_Part_80