My Story 44 By Corbin How life tests the endurance, patience, and sometimes faith of one young woman. ********** I know many of you suffer from Story ADD and have to have your quick-action-fix, so if that's your thing, skip this. Wasn't that nice of me to include the above disclaimer? ********** How do I get myself into these situations? About a month ago I decided to tag along with a friend of mine from work, she has a five year old playing soccer with the YMCA and it was going to be the first day of the fall Season. Holy cow, this kid never stops talking, do all five year olds yap this much? Blah, blah, blah...It was like one, long run-on sentence during the fifteen-minute ride over to the elementary school field. So anyway, it was a Saturday morning and I thought it would be cool to check this out. Not at all prepared for what I was about to get myself into. Anyway, we arrive to an ocean of mini-vans, SUV's and hundreds of kids...parents...grand parents. Shit, Soccer is huge...I mean I knew it was a big deal and parents enrolled they're kids in it all the time, but this was CRAZY!!! And remember, I used to play it! So we arrive on field number 8, at this point I'm getting a real kick out of watching all the activity. Out of all the teams there, my friend Anne's Team had no coach assigned, some kind of screw up (Figures!). So now there are a bunch of confused parents looking around and awkwardly trying to figure out what to do. The 'Y' has an information booth setup on the field that gives them their uniforms and an information packet, but still no coach. (At this point I wish I had a crystal ball or just wasn't so clueless all the time.) "Anyone have any soccer experience?" One of the mom's pipes up. "Don't you play?" My friend Anne looks over at me. Now my mouth is opening, but nothing is coming out, I'm paralyzed as my brain has frozen. I am now the center of everyone's focus and slowly realize where this is heading. SHIT! DAMN! FUCK! What was I going to say? What could I say? I've got 8 little kids and all these parents looking at me now. I know what is about to happen and I take a deep breath before speaking; "In College..." I started. "You even had a scholarship, right?" Anne jumps in. (Thanks Anne! Not exactly but close.) "Well..." I'm stuttering and looking around and I guess I'm screwed now. "...I'll Coach them, if you want?" I shrug, of course no one else offered. Just great so now I've got to switch into game mode, but wait...these are mostly inexperienced little kids and I can't just start barking orders at them, I have to make it fun. Bunch of little monkeys, bouncing balls off each other's heads, and one little girl is wondering off the field to pick flowers and they are not paying attention! And it's like trying to corral wild Indians. What a mess! Not only that, but I have to type up a 'Phone Tree' so all the parents can keep up with everyone else as well as organize bringing snacks for the kids after practice. And no one told me that periodically, without warning, these little snot nose kids will have a breakdown, crying fit because he/she suddenly decides he/she doesn't want to play anymore. I'm looking at the parents sitting off on the sideline wanting to yell 'Come get your stinking kid!'. Gheesh, so for the next two months (or longer if rain delays happen), every Saturday morning I have to Coach soccer for a bunch of kids. It was a reaffirming decision in one aspect, I will never...EVER...have kids. (Little chance of that happening anyway, I don't foresee Nikki ever being able to impregnate me. Or I her, thank god.) I love the little darlings for about an hour every Saturday morning, but after that, keep them away from me. Jumping all over me and getting whacked upside the head by a stray ball...lord have mercy...is this payback for something I've done? I must be doing something right, all the parents praise my coaching. They're not so bad and sometimes I'm laughing pretty hard at their antics. BUT STILL NO KIDS FOR ME!!! Fortunately, Nikki took pity on me and comes to help assist with the Coaching. We're an awesome team, that's true in all aspects of our relationship. The Fall Season doesn't necessarily mean cooler weather around here. By 10:30am the humidity if forcing me to peel off my track suite, getting down to my shorts and tee shirt. So guess what happened? Well, the first couple of weekends barely any of the Dads showed up, but now they ALL show up. My network of spies informed me that word spread quickly "The coach (that's me) is hot". Very creepy to have all the Dad's and older brothers showing up to watch me instead of their kids. But you have to block that stuff out, and you have to be careful in how you respond to compliments, you see every once in awhile a father will slip up and be overly complimentary, right in front of his wife! "Wow, you've got great legs...arms...whatever..." Which gets an annoying glare from his wife (directed at him, not me.) But I just humbly brush the compliment aside, deflecting the attention because I get along with all the Soccer moms great, women can get bitchy/catty if they feel some "other" woman is the object of their husband's attention/lust. ********** I have figured out why I have fits of anger and the desire to beat things (people) up. It's because my little neat, orderly world gets all messed up. Like when Robert showed up at Nikki's apartment, that messed up my plans, my world with Robert was not suppose to intersect with 'Nikki Time', so I was forced to alter my plans. Just like when Sharon decided to throw some sexual vibe my way, that messed up my perception of her as my trusty always-hetero friend. Just a few examples and a theory. ********** Now comes time for me to share the "Beach Trip", this took place during the summer of 2003. It began, as all things with Sharon begin, by a grand entrance. She practically came busting thru the front door shouting, "I'VE GOT AWESOME NEWS!!!!" panting some, obviously having been running to bring me this news. I looked up from where I sat on my bed and my eyes grew wide as Sharon advanced at a rapid pace, showing no signs of slowing until she finally leapt into the air, tackling me. I groaned as Sharon landed on top of me, playfully wrestling and sitting on top of my stomach. "OH YES!!!...YES! YES! YES!" Sharon pumped her fist into the air. I simply propped myself up onto my elbows, "Are you going to let me in on your excitement?" "You know my parents just bought that Beach House right?" Sharon spouted. "Yeah...yeah" I said as I now laid back. (If I never had to hear about that stupid beach house again...god I get tired of Sharon's bragging sometimes.) "Well, in two months it's ours for a whole week, they will be away and we can have it the whole week! Maybe we could even invite some friends. Now that I think about it, this could be one hell of a party week! HOT DAMN!" Sharon climbed off me finally, which was a huge relief, I was fearing another come-on, but I was shocked by what she said next; "You're inviting Nikki? I think you should, it would be good for you two." I was sitting up and froze at the kind gesture, Sharon had such a sincere serious look on her face and before I could say 'Thank you' I felt my face tighten, my cheeks become warm and my eyes welled up with tears. "Oh baby" Sharon got emotional as well and pulled me onto her shoulder, I cried just a little bit because I was tired of holding everything back, not to mention I had this fear that Nikki would turn me down. "It's going to be okay." Sharon whispered. "I hope so." I cried, because deep down inside I was getting really scarred that Nikki was pulling away from me, that she had come to realize that a life with me wasn't what she wanted after all, what else could explain her recent distance. After dinner that evening, we simply laid around the house and watched TV. Sharon stretched out on the sofa with me laying along side her, although I had scooted several inches down so my head was resting in-between her bosom, neither of us were really tuned into what was on the TV. And NO, we were not fooling around, like I've said, Sharon has the touchy, feely side with me, and practically begs to cuddle like this sometimes. Sharon would lazily stroke my hair and arms, all very innocent. "You ever get horny for some guys dick to be inside of you?" She asked. Hopefully by now, I've dispelled any thought of Sharon being a prim and proper lady just because she comes from money, society, and all of that. Some of the things that would fly out her mouth with little to no warning, such as at that moment in time. "SHARON!!" I would bark, "Don't be vulgar!" "How is that vulgar?" She'd laugh, "Look, when I was dating Paul, I actually enjoyed the sex. It was damn fine." She'd sigh in obvious retrospect. "So..." Sharon looked down with a serious, yet curious expression, "WELL!?" Sharon demanded, patting me on the head in an annoying fashion. "YES! Is that what you want to hear?" I admitted. "Yes, I get horny for 'IT', so what?". "I thought so." And she scooted out from between me and the back of the sofa to climbed on top of me. "I promise not to pester you about it anymore, I just was curious." "Uh-huh" I moaned but looked away, kind of annoyed. "Oh, what? Your pissed at me now?" Sharon sat up, still astride my abs. "Yeah, cause you say things like that just to tease me." I mumbled. "Sorry, I sometimes can be insensitive to the fact you're a virgin." She sighed and brushed my hair from my face. "On purpose Sharon, you needle me on that topic on purpose. Do you get some perverse pleasure out of making me uncomfortable?" I just sneered. "No, I..." She was stumbling over her words now. "...I don't understand why your so sensitive about it, when your obviously proud of the fact." "What? Proud has nothing to do with it. It's that we're laying here nice and comfortable and you ask me a question in the most vulgar manner possible. You could choose a dozen different ways to ask me that, you know you could have, you're educated and can be very polite and refined when you want to be." I decided to just let her have it "So, are you going to make me beg you for your forgiveness?" Sharon leaned over tugging at my shoulders, the fingers of her left hand snaking their way under my Nightshirt. "Pretty pleeeeeaaaaassseeee...I'm sorry baby." Sharon leaned in smiling and began to tickle me. There is a spot, on my rips, that Sharon knows can cause me to have a fit of giggles if she starts to lightly scratch her fingernails. "YES, I FORGIVE YOU!" Just don't tickle me there. ********** (I have little secrets, things that I keep for my own. I guess there are certain things in my room that I am very territorial about. As you'll see, it can be something rather small and silly.) "Corbin?" "Hmmm" I sighed in a low voice. "What's in that box that you keep all locked up?" Sharon slowly walked towards my dresser as I climbed into bed. I closed her eyes and let out a deep sigh, "Promise you won't make fun of me if I show you?" "What?" Sharon looked stunned, "What is it'" She asked again, "Why would I make fun of you? I wouldn't do that." "Okay...okay..." I slowly got up and pulled open the bottom dresser, and fished around for something. A minute later I withdrew a key and inserted it into the slot, a quick turn and the latch gave. "It's a silly thing, but it was something I held onto because..." I had to pause because my emotions snuck up on me "...back then I didn't know if our friendship would survive, so..." I swallowed hard, "So...I decided to hold onto this as a reminder of better times." I suddenly stopped speaking and looked away, my arm quickly shot out and handed it over to Sharon. I watched her pull the picture in close and lean towards the bedside lamp. It was a picture of me and Sharon right after a High School State Track Meet; I was standing in my track shorts and tank top with Sharon by my left, she was decked out in her Cheer uniform her fist upraised, two fingers forming a victory 'V', our arms tightly clinging around one another's necks. The picture looked spontaneous, we were tired and sweaty from a long hot day outside as we flashed big smiles, looking truly happy. "I remember," Sharon grinned faintly, "Not long after we met and we were both still set on going to different Colleges." My heart was in my throat when Sharon looked up at me and tears streaked from her eyes, "I decided to follow you to Duke. I guess had we gone away to separate schools, so far away, we might have parted ways for good." "You thought I would make fun of something like this?" Sharon cried. Her fingers delicately ran over the outside of the picture. I just shrugged and sat down on the edge of the bed next to her, drawing my knees up. Sharon reached an arm around my neck and pulled me close so I could rest on against her shoulder. Like I said, silly little secrets. ********** I am sick and tired of seeing those stupid yellow 'livestrong' bracelets everywhere I go. No I won't wear one and yes I know what it stands for. Everywhere I go I see someone wearing some bracelet of some type to represent some form of unity and struggle against disease/poverty/cancer/take-your-pick. The original intention of those bracelets has become diluted, I am starting to not even notice them anymore, its just one more trinket hanging on someone's body. I see some people wearing those livestrong bracelets as if they are mocking the intended purpose. Prime example, I pull up to a stop light the other day and this guy has his left hand hanging out the driver's side window, and right there on his wrist is that damn yellow bracelet. But guess what, he is a big fat ass, smoking a cigarette. Yeah buddy glad to see you're living strong and keeping up the good fight...right into your fast-food-lazy-cigarette-smoking grave. Keep up the fight! (Rolling eyes) What's double painful to see is that it's yellow, that's my favorite color. Bastards! I don't even like Lance Armstrong, I was rooting for the other guys. So stick that on your wrist! ********** The brilliant morning sun streamed in through the large window above my bed, I cracked the window and a nice breeze blew in. I was in a fantastic mood and the beautiful morning lifted my spirits even more, these positive vibes must be a good sign, for you see I was going jogging with Nikki this morning. I also was going to bring up the beach trip Sharon was planning. I peeled the thin cotton sheet from my body and pulled my blonde hair into a ponytail, I so looked forward to these runs with Nikki. She was there already which meant she was early, but I was also early so she was earlier! (I love these sappy moments, if you don't, just go take a high dive in the short end of the pool.) Sitting on the dew covered blades of grass we stretched out, I slowly moved into a full split and smiled over at Nik, "Bet you can't do this." "Show off." Nikki shook her head which caused me to blush and look away. "You were saying?" I heard her say and looked over, she was also now in full split. "Beginners luck." I said and Nikki smiled, now she looked away. It was getting a little warmer then I anticipated and I removed my long sleeve warm up jacket, pulling it from overhead. I few male joggers were starting to litter the area around us, since this was the beginning of the trial that is no surprise, but their curious eyes seemed unduly focused on me now. The tugging of the warm jacket left my long blonde hair hung down around my face, my eyes searched and now Nikki was standing next to me. 'What is wrong with me?' I suddenly thought I wanted to cry all of the sudden, it's like when I look at this raven haired girl I suddenly lived for the day when we consummate our feelings for one another. I wanted her, I wanted her so much that my hands ached to caress those long legs hidden behind her running pants. My mouth wanted desperately to kiss over her full breasts, 'DAMN!' I thought, 'Snap out of it!' "Ready?" Nikki asked as she walked toward the beginning of the trail. "Yep" I smiled and we started. The sound of the leaves and sticks crunching under my weight brought some comfort, I needed this run, I needed to expel my emotions that seem to torment me day and night, maybe that is why I am so fanatical about exercise. I felt a gust of wind kick up along the trail. I ignored it, pushing on with even greater determination a few strands of my long hair clung to the nape of my neck despite the fact that I had pulled it back into a ponytail. "Hey Nik." I puffed. "Yeah?" "We're going to stay at a beach house in a couple of months, a bunch of us, will you come as my guest?" I asked while jogging up next to her, we then veered to the left and up to the more challenging path. "Yeah, that sounds nice, let me check my work schedule." Nikki said, looking over at me and flashed her own smile. "Yeah? Okay, well let me know, I'll go ahead and put you down as a 'yes'." I gave a big smile over at her. I was cautiously optimistic as we hugged and talked at the end of the run, she even held my hand a little when I walked her to her car. "See you next Saturday?" Nikki asked. "You bet." I smiled. Yeah, I might have been smiling, but my stomach felt like a lead brick just hit bottom, 'next Saturday?' gheesh, no mention of getting together until next Saturday. Okay what the heck is wrong with me? I never acted or fretted this way over any guy. I got behind the wheel of my trusty Honda and gripped the wheel, I wasn't upset, sad, angry, now that was kind of odd, I was kind of calm even. But it was a familiar feeling, one of 'survival' that kicks in when I desperately need it to, that feeling that everything will be okay even though all signs indicated otherwise. "So be it." I sighed and adjusted my rear view mirror, 'I might as well get used to the possibility that maybe Nik and I were not meant to be, so stop trying to force the issue.' Yeah, easier said then done. ********* Only a few more days until 'Beach Week' and I had managed to avoid Jenna, but as fate would have it a familiar voice rang out from across the weight room; "Been slacking off?" I glanced up and gave a faint smile but continued on with my workout. "Nope, just coming in at odd times, guess we keep missing each other. But don't worry, in a few days I will be gone, out of town." I smiled happily. "Oh yeah, where to?" Jenna seemed to actually show a little more interest this time around. I had to wonder if she was done trying to compete with me and was going to try and just engage me, person to person. Maybe even try to be friendly? "The beach with some friends." I said as I continued my workout. "Sounds like fun." Was Jenna's only reply, brushing off the information as if it affected her none at all. And so it was, that I began to pick up a slight attitude from her once again, it was as if her ego was beginning to swell all over again. It seemed to me that it was her way of coping (coping with life? her loss to me? Perhaps more.) *********** This next part is sure to bore the crap out of you hardcore people because it deals with more relationship stuff. But tough! Anyway, you should be groveling and thanking me for taking this time out to warn you in advance. Sharon set aside a whole day and night for shopping, forcing me to come along. Now I love to shop, but Sharon spends money like the stuff grows on trees and I am much more...well...frugal. Sure Sharon would offer to buy me whatever I wanted, but I rarely took her up on it, I like paying my own way. Besides, I can't afford a $1000.00 handbag like Sharon can, hell I can't even enter a store that sells those kinds of bags because nothing they carry is in my price range anyway! (Yeah, your eyes do not deceive you, that is a 1 with three zeros. But if you have any shopping savvy, you already know that number is small in some stores.) I shop stores like Target, Gap, Guess, and Banana Republic. You'll notice Target was listed first. :) "This is going to be so awesome, I have so much stuff to buy!" Sharon gleefully went thru her list of items to get ready for the beach. I got my shopping done in about an hour, but Sharon's cash supply (Help from Mommy and Daddy) can go on forever. So, I just followed her in and out of the stores and tried to offer my input, but I'm a fashion disaster anyway, so most of the time my input was discarded. I had no idea that I was wearing my emotions so clearly on my face. Sharon suddenly set her shopping bags down on the ground and pulls me by the arm to a nearby bench, "What's wrong?" I just shrugged and avoided eye contact. Trying a more soft approach, Sharon took my hand and began to gently caresses it, "Corbin, sweetie. What's wrong?" "You!" I sighed, but it came out sounding a bit on the irritated side, because I was irritated. "What?" Sharon eyes grew wide with justified confusion. "Your so damn intimidating to be with, the way you can so easily put together nice things and I just feel like I don't fit in with all this junk!" I shrugged, God, how pathetic is this, I felt like some awkward teenager again. That sort of sums up one of my biggest dilemmas in life; While all my girlfriends shopped, read fashion magazines and exchanged/compared notes on makeup and everything else, I was at the gym, reading fitness magazines, surfing fitness sites, reading up on nutrition information and so on. "Now!" Sharon gripped my hand and stands up, "You have nothing to fear!" She smiles with supreme confidence while pulling me to my feet. "Look at me." Sharon insists before we start walking again. "What?" "I'll get you all sorted out, leave everything to me!" Sharon again takes me by the hand and marches us off down the mall. Now this is going to sound very odd, but I sort of idolized Sharon, she was the epitome of 'I AM WOMAN!'. She floated with this air of confidence and strength, yet projected an aura of feminine sensuality that caused men to fall to their knees. Unfortunately, as I've laid out before, if you're not a good friend of hers you were discarded and not even acknowledged, almost looked down upon. Which are characteristics that I disdain, so why am I telling you that I kind of idolize her...messes with my head...it really messes with my head. Blind leading the blind I guess, I choose to be blind and clueless with regards to Sharon, people tell me what a horrible snotty, vindictive brat she is. I defend her of course, saying 'You don't know Sharon.' Besides Sharon is always nice to me, very nice, but why? I don't know...opposites attract maybe? I guess. Okay, enough of that...I won't dwell on that right now....must re-focus... Back to where I was being dragged to: Upon seeing our destination I began to pull back and resist as Sharon tugged on my arm. "No, no, no Sharon, I don't..." Like some little girl I half-heartedly pulled away upon seeing 'Victoria's Secret' Store ahead. "OH YES! Now stop being a baby, this is where we are going to get your bathing suite, and maybe a few other things." That's what I was afraid of, getting a bathing suite from here meant that Sharon had particular plans about what she wanted me to wear. What about what I wanted to wear? "I already have a bathing suite." I sighed and kept looking over my shoulder, noticing the entrance was getting further away as we moved toward the back of the store. "Hahaha..." Sharon laughed, which hurt my feelings, "...That thing? No way, your going to show some of that body off this week, and defiantly show some more of that..." She leaned back to whisper at me, "...some of that awesome ass you have." "I'm not wearing any thong!" I hissed and was getting pissed now. "No silly, nothing so vulgar, but we are going for skimpy, that's for sure." Sharon smiled as her eyes began to evaluate the suits on display. I was having an anxiety attack, breaking out into a sweat, what the hell is wrong with me? "Can't we go to like to the 'The Gap?' or something like that?" I pleaded, "Their stuff isn't so...revealing". Sharon suddenly stops and turns, "Hell NO!" "There's nothing wrong with The Gap." I mumble to myself, "I like it." "I'm sure you do like it," Sharon smugly surmises but never finished her train of thought as her hands breeze thru several selections of bikinis. "AHA!" Sharon exclaims with glee. Cautiously I peered over her shoulder. "Found it!" Sharon withdraws this tiny hot, pink bikini top and bottom from the rack. "No freaking way!" I almost shout. "Not for you silly, for me!" Sharon smiled with satisfaction as I let out a sigh of relief. "This ONE is for you!" Sharon withdraws another little damn bikini, but dark blue. Now I know I'm making this face like I just tasted something really awful and reach into the rack to pull out a one piece. "I kind of like this one." looking over at Sharon, hoping for approval. "Yeah..." Sharon snorts in disapproval, "...I bet you do like that frumpy thing...but NO, this is the one your wearing." Sharon grabs my hand and drags me into the dressing room. Seeing that it was a busy day at the mall all of the dressing rooms were occupied, but if you think that was going to stop Sharon you can forget it. Her brash mouth and attitude waited for no one. More embarrassment ahead my mind flashed in warning. "Well, guess we'll have to go somewhere else." I said, breaking out into a big smile. "Not so fast." Sharon said quietly while looking around, I could tell she was up to something. "Sharon don't." I leaned in close and whispered. Too late, as soon as this young girl stepped out from a stall to check her pants and shirt Sharon bolted right up to here and seethed, "Your finished, right!" The poor girl couldn't have been more then 16 or 17 years old and began to stammer and protest as Sharon began moving into the dressing room. "Hey! What the hell?" The young girl complained. "You've had enough time, got a problem with that?" Sharon turned around and got in her face. The poor girls face turned red and she stuttered, clutching her clothing to her chest in fear as this taller brunette was looking down at her with piercing blue eyes. I just lowered my head and covered my face with my hands, how humiliating, we are so in trouble now. "Besides, you look like you belong down at the local Wal-Mart trying on there shit!" Sharon leaned in close and whispered. Looking ready to burst into tears the girl scooped up her remaining clothes and bolted out of the dressing area. "I get so sick and tired of those little brats coming in here and trying on fifty fucking things and not buying a damn thing." Sharon mumbled and handed the tiny wade of blue fabric to me, pushing open the changing stall. "Okay, get on with it." Sharon closed the door and then placed her hands on her hips, waiting. Some nerve huh? I just held up the bikini bottoms and studied them, "It's so small." The top wasn't much better, and I questioned if they would contain my amble cleavage. "Sharon, I really don't think I like this one." God I was being a total wimp, very unlike me. Sharon had this instinctive ability to be soft with me and other times to be hard. Sharon snatched the bikini from my hands with such ferocity that I literally jumped, my eyes blinked...I was stunned as she stepped forward and I leaned back against the wall. "Look! I'm getting sick and tired of this shy crap from you! Now you're going to put this on, now! Do you understand me?" She hissed, struggling to keep her voice down and shoved the outfit back into my still outstretched hands. I was in shock, I can't recall Sharon ever speaking to me that way, hell, I wouldn't let anyone speak to me this way but here I was. I was at least a good two inches taller then Sharon, but at that moment I felt about a foot tall and she seemed like this towering authoritative giant. "I want some privacy." I really didn't feel pathetic at all, though you may think I was acting it. No, actually it was a turn-on, yeah it's true, and it was arousing, her bossing me around like that, taking charge. Pretty freaky huh? A smile returned to Sharon's face because of my request, "Oh come on, I've see you in the nude." But she relented and left. So I proceeded to get this over with and unsnapped my baggy cargo shorts, sliding them down my thighs. "And I want to see it on you, without you pulling it over your underwear." I heard Sharon whisper from the other side of the door. I pulled down on the elastic bands of my white panties and then stripped off my tee shirt and bra. Pulling the blue bikini bottoms up, I tied the string on the side and then pulled the top on. It was just as I feared, the suite showed allot of skin as I reached behind my neck and laced a bow. Finally adjusting the bottoms and top I stepped in front of the mirror and froze, "Damn" I must have mumbled to myself out loud. I had to admit I looked pretty damn hot, what with my toned ripped muscles, the dark blue color seemed to compliment my body perfectly. Turning to the side I got very concerned, the bottoms barely concealed my butt cheeks, too much movement and they tended to ride up into the crack of my ass. "Open up, I want to see!" Sharon was now demanding, and I watched the doorknob jiggle. God, what an impatient brat. "Sharon!" I protested. "Don't Sharon me, I want to see now!" I hesitated but unlocked the door. Sharon slipped in and shut the door, I studied her expression, analyzing everything that might tell me what she was thinking. But I need not have bothered, Sharon wasn't holding anything back; Her eyes went wide, "Holly fucking shit!" She blurted out, "Fuck your gorgeous, I mean smoking hot." She slowly stepped towards me. "Maybe I don't want you in something like this after all, at least not if were going to be on the same beach." And I saw a sparkle of jealousy cross her eyes. "Shhhhh, somebody will hear you!" Was all I could think, not to mention my face was already deep red. I took another step back as Sharon kept advancing towards me. "Where are you going?" Her eyes narrowed as she went to block me into the corner. Her hands came up and gripped my shoulders pushing me back against the wall, and I mean she pushed rough. "What?" I nervously smiled, although I was getting little uneasy now. Sharon's right hand then moved down to my bare tummy, feeling the curvature of my rippling abs, I swatted her hand away, "Stop!" I hissed. "Please, it would be so hot if we kissed right here!" Sharon whispered and leaned in. Just great, the freak is back and now I have to set things right again, "Sharon!" I grabbed her biceps and pushed her back, "Get a grip on yourself!" "Your no fun." She sighed and slumped her shoulders, "Well, might as well get going, we've got more shopping to do." Sharon reluctantly pulled away, she is too which I just rolled my eyes. As I left the dressing room I saw a sales woman approach Sharon, my heart skipped thinking her ugliness earlier to the girl was going to get us kicked out of here. "Did you find everything you were looking for?" she simply smiled and asked. Before answering, Sharon does this slow turn looking over at me and smiles before answering, "Oh yes, and so much more." "Looks like I'm buying this one." I sheepishly held up the blue bikini. ********** I have to shut out, not shut down. There is a big difference, the later can lead to negative, depressing consequences. To 'shut out' means to focus and concentrate, even with the all of the chaos swirling around me. And when I am able to focus and prioritize, everything else in life seems to fall into place, maybe not always perfectly, but I feel more prepared. Exercise, family, friendships were my focus and in no particular order. While things with Nikki still seemed to be in a cooling off period, everyone else was hot on my trail since Robert and I parted, something I think I already related, but everyday I would come home and there were messages on my answering machine from Dale, Shelton, Robert, David and so on, I got hit on by guys and girls at the gym when Robert stopped showing up but I played it cool, confident and kept them at arms length. I did not go on a single date after Robert, the only time I socialized casually was with Dale, he seriously pursued me so I had to be very clear about what having lunch meant. ********** It was early Friday morning and Nikki called me for an early morning run down at the park, I agreed, besides I was leaving tomorrow morning to head down to the beach with Sharon. Nikki had confirmed she was coming, but would be a few days late, unable to get the whole week off from work, a serious bummer but I looked at the positive. Besides I was feeling strong and confident, both physically and emotionally, more then ever, but I also had to be sure and not get cocky. I did a little swagger towards Nikki who was standing, bent over gripping her ankles to stretch, "YO Woman!" I called out with a smile. She stood up straight and flashed a big smile at me, 'uh oh' I thought, my heart was jumping and I was fighting off that goofy, giddy feeling I get. Nikki's such a drop dead gorgeous girl that I lose my focus instantly, another reaffirming moment in my mind. When I look at any other girl and guy I have none of these romantic, lusting feelings, she's all I see. I just wish I knew how to reaffirm those feelings in a way that would get her back into my life, permanently. And then it dawned on me, my dim light bulb went off, maybe all this time Nikki is wanting me to pursue her! Makes sense because she was always pursuing me since College. Oh who am I kidding, I'm a dumb blonde, this is too complicated for me to figure out, better I operate on instinct. So that's what I did, I walked straight up to her, gave her a hug and she hugged me back, so I kissed her on the cheek. I wanted to so I did, Nikki looked at me and smiled, her right hand rubbed my back, but she didn't kiss me back, but I wasn't going to worry about that. But it was long before I was able to tell that something was eating away at Nikki, I could tell by her pace, she was pushing herself hard this morning, but I kept up easily as we sprinted through the forest dodging obstacle after obstacle in what started to feel like a heated race. I would sometimes catch Nikki looking over at me, I was sort of getting into 'my zone' of exercise and the next time our eyes met she flashed a quick smile. 'But wait' I thought, I can tell, something is not right. "Hold up!" I called out in frustration, my legs bracing as I slowed to a stop. Nikki skidded to a stop a second later when I disappeared from next to her, she turned toward me and paced away, we were both breathing very hard and sweating profusely, a clear indication of how hard we had been running. I started taking deep controlled breaths, I could feel the humidity creeping into the morning air. Nikki continued to pace in semi-circles and I was lost, I had no clue, no idea what to say or do, do I keep dancing around the topic? Do I be the supportive friend? Does she want me to reach out to her? I guess when all else fails just trust your instincts and just do something. DO SOMETHING YOU BIG DUMMY! My voice reached out to me. Okay, I felt confident and took another deep breath to steady my mind and body, I tried to make my walk casual and none threatening as I closed the short distance between us. Nikki continued to pace and then sort of froze when I was right in her face, invading that personal space we all have. "What?" she lowered her head and looked up at me suspiciously, I even remember her right eyebrow cocking upward cautiously. A calm sensation swept over me and I think I even smiled a little, "I love you." Her response was to take a couple of deep breaths and I watched her try to smile, but a quiver in her lips and cheeks caused that simple effort to become a struggle. Her eyes darted up to me, back to the ground, then back up as her left hand came up to wipe beads of sweat off her face. "I love you so much." I leaned in and whispered, my left hand came up and gently stroked some of her black hair over her right ear. "I love you too." Her voice cracked as her left hand came up, but not to wipe away more sweat, but to cover her face as she began to openly sob, leaning into me. I pulled her to me and for the first time in my entire life I felt strong and confident, in ways I have never experienced. Nikki had always been so strong for me, so confident as she tried to guide us along, but when had I been strong and supportive for her in the past? Doesn't she need someone to lean on sometimes? "I know you love me, I just needed to hear it." She cried but quickly she gathered her composure, wiping the tears away and pulling back. 'Fucking great!' my mind blasted in frustration, she's pulling away, closing off from me. But then I realized the source of her composure change when another jogger slowed down near us, a man in his late forties, he could tell something was not right with my friend and inquired. "Everything okay?" He huffed. Nikki was walking away and taking deep breaths, I smiled at the guy, "Yeah, everything is fine, she just over did it, we'll walk the rest of the way." "You sure?" He asked. "Yep, very sure." I nodded and waved, reluctantly he started running again. When I turned Nikki had her right hand braced against a large tree, her left hand on her hip. I walked up behind her and wrapped my arms around her stomach, gently pulling her against me. "You're my girl, you'll always be my girl, you're the only one I love and want." I moaned into the back of her head and waited to see what she did. Her body turned to the right, my eyes got anxious but I was relieved to see the seductive manner in the way Nikki was studying me now. It felt like forever since she had given me that engaging stare. A guest of wind brushed some loose hair across our faces and I tilted my head in until I felt the tips of our noses touch. The tears were coming from my eyes this time, I heard the familiar swish of nylon running pants and jackets which gave me a wonderful comforting feeling. I daringly pressed my hips against Nik's and she pressed back into mine. I moved and we stepped behind the large tree to have as much privacy as possible as I could feel the warmth radiate between our lower bodies. "I'm here for you, I'll never leave you, I love you and I want the world to know it." My hands came up and firmly cupped her high cheek bones, "We can do this together!" I kissed her on the lips. "Please, you're my whole world." I was weeping a little more openly now. She was with me now and needn't say anything, her hands were talking all over me. I could feel the emotions rising up in her, her soft lips kissed my cheeks, lips and chin as Nik wept with what felt like pure relief and joy. "My parents are going to flip out." She smiled and pressed her left cheek against my left, it felt like for a second our tears would seal our skin together indefinitely. My heart began to jack-hammer instantly when I saw Nikki lean back some and tilt her head. "Oh god, I've missed your kiss." I moaned as she lightly brushed those soft pink lips over mine, timidly at first. It was amazing, it was like our first kiss all over again, I could feel Nikki smile and it sent fireworks off in my mind and heart. "I have never felt anything so heavenly in my life." Nikki swooned into my open mouth. My tongue gently sought entrance beyond her lips and I was given access as her mouth slowly parted, our kiss was slow and lazy, which demonstrated that we would have all the time in the world. My left hand reached down and got a firm grip on Nik's right butt and squeezed, pulling her in tight as I ground my crotch into hers. "I want to make love to you." I moaned. "We will love, we most certainly will." Nikki groaned and began to kiss me harder, periodically sucking on my tongue. We gained control of our senses and my right hand came down and grabbed Nikki's left hand and started to walk, it wasn't' that far back to the car and Nikki simply followed my lead, side by side thru the leaf matted terrain of the trail. Nikki sighed and her left hand squeezed my right hand, while her right hand reached over and gripped my bicep. Nikki and I had been thru allot the past few weeks, heavy conversations and arguments. Without a word being spoken we covered the last half mile hand in hand, walking along the side of the trail to avoid other joggers blasting past us. Relationships can be such fragile things at times, that's how it felt just a half hour ago between us, so very fragile. All too soon we were at our cars and the sun was breaking thru the scattering early morning clouds. "Thank you." Nikki whispered with a smile, and I knew what she meant, no questions or discussions, she turned to face me and hugged me, she kept hugging me as if she never wanted to let go. "And Thank YOU." I smiled back when we finally pulled away, holding hands. "Wednesday." Nikki moaned into my mouth, "Get in for a minute." She sighed, and I quickly moved around to the passenger seat, she turned to me and caressed my cheek, pulling me close so that we could kiss some more. "I'll be counting the days and hours." I said. I waved as she drove off and I was reminded of a day not long ago during Christmas break back in college, where she came to visit me. The feeling was familiar and my heart was filled with so much love that I stood rooted for about a minute, unmoving, just trying to hang on to the moment as long as I could. 'Okay, now I have to hoof it down to the sports store.' I had my eye on this very cool speedo bikini that was a little more comfortable and sports oriented. The color wasn't typical of what I like, the label said 'Watermelon' which just looked like a dark pink to me, but whatever. The blue thing Sharon got me to buy I would hopefully avoid wearing as much as possible.My_Story_44