My Story 41 By Corbin How life tests the endurance, patience, and sometimes faith of one young woman. ********** "God have mercy on the man who doubts what he's sure of." -Bruce Springsteen ******* I'm sitting on the lateral decline press, when some Korean kid (about 19) walks up and asks to work in with me (The fact he has a South Korean flag tattooed on his right shoulder helped me figure that out). OK, fine...I relent and nod my head 'yes', he seems pleased as punch that I agree. So I do my set and stand up trying to kill time by playing with my iPod mini, that's when I get a light tap on the shoulder from some other guy asking if I'll spot him on the bench press. OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!! This is turning into a nightmare, but then again, that's usually the way it happens. Okay so now I'm doing my sets, in-between I'm helping spot this guy and now everyone is trying to start up a conversation with me. I can't workout like this, I have to concentrate and so I'm looking for a way out, which I find. A moment arrives when everyone is distracted and I slip out of the weight room, walking past this guy who is giving me evil glares because he asked me just the other day; "Is it true, you won't date guys with tattoos?" To which I told him straight up (as I tell everyone) 'DAMN STRAIGHT! I think tattoos are vulgar displays of insecurity.' That response of mine caused him to launch into a verbal barrage of insults back at me (Calling me ignorant, judgmental, arrogant....etc....). At that point I never argue, I just shrug, turn around and walk away. Reactions like that just validate my point. ********** My father is the Service Manager for a Motorcycle / ATV / Watercraft (little boy adrenaline junky) Store. While in High School (and some in College) I spent some time working behind the Parts Counter to earn a few extra bucks. Beats the hell out of retail, and department stores...or so I thought. I was hoping it would be easy street and I could get allot spare reading/studying time in, but that was rarely the case. Guys were always in there, packs of them, something I used to poke fun of. I'd be sitting at my terminal, reading a textbook when I would look up and there would be like six or seven guys standing there from my school, or just from the area. That always killed me, there are like two or three other part reps behind the counter, why come bug me? Yeah...yeah...I know why...I'm just bitching as usual. "You guys always travel in packs?" I would smirk and close my book. "You been riding this summer Corbin?" I would always get asked. You see, my father had bought me a 2002 Kawi KX125, but I rarely rode it. It was fun the first summer but just not my thing. I would just shake my head 'no'. I never did girly stuff (mainly because I don't usually pal around in large packs of girls), and I kind of avoided the ultra feminine route with the jobs I took and the sports I played. These choices always put me in frequent contact with 'Cool' guys in the area, who were always involved in the 'cool' sports and activities, like motor cross, watercraft and other outdoor activities. The hilarious thing was this, most of these guys were rugged, athletic, good looking and pursued by most of my female peers. Yet, here they were, always coming into store to buy stuff for their ski's, bikes, ATV's...you name it. All I had to do is sit at my station and they came swarming around. That made me real popular with the other girls (NOT!). I bet some of you gentle readers are fairly bright...so here is a pop-quiz: After I am done helping some guy and I ask "Is there anything else I can get for you?", What response am I likely to get; a.) 'Just your phone number' b.) 'A date would be nice' c.) 'Dinner and a movie' If you picked any of the above you got the answer right. See, that's wasn't so hard, I hope it didn't overtax your brains. :-) Young...old....you name it, but the older guys were much bolder with asking me out. One mouthy brunette girl came tagging along with her boyfriend and a few of his friends one day. She's cutting me these looks all the while I am sitting there looking up parts for the guys until some guys start asking me to go riding that weekend, when I decline Ms. Mouth speaks up; "I guess blondes don't really have more fun." "Actually..." I say, while still typing, "...Blondes ARE more fun. That's why your boyfriend and his buddies always come asking me to hang out with them." A few muffled laughs later and she is fit to be tied. "Dream on you muscle head jock. At least I got a boyfriend." Well, now her boyfriend is asking her to cool-it. I stand up to get the receipt that is getting spit out from the printer behind me and new she gets a good look at my height and build. She must be 5' 2" max, so my 5' 11" frame kind of towers over her, and she's getting a bit more quiet. I hand the receipt to the guy on my right as I smile, thanking him for the purchase. I look at the girl, while giving my best customer service smile, "We'll there be anything else." She just gives me this eat shit look, but I can tell she's biting her tongue. I brace my hands against the counter top making sure they get a good look at the muscles running up the length of my arms. I normally despise showing off, but now seemed like a good time. I was biting my tongue real hard because I didn't want to get fired by my Dad of all people. Maybe next time I'll tell about one of the first times I went riding, I was getting the hang of things on some pretty rough terrain and ended up beating the crap out of some guy because he was razzing my riding skills in front of everyone, which I can take...be he kept going and going and going and going.....I had him eating dirt after I got done with him. ********** I tried to distract myself by standing next to the sofa end-table, casually flipping thru a magazine. I then turned around and sure enough Sharon was standing there smiling at me, like she knew I would eventually turn around or something. We kind of just stood there awkwardly as I paced around in a random circles, why I don't know. Sharon on the other hand seemed totally calm, simply standing in the middle of the room with her hands clasped in front of her, again all very calm. "Did you have a good time?" "Nope." I quipped and plucked at my shorts, shoving my hands into my pockets and then pulling them out again. "You lie." She smiled at me. "Again, sorry about tonight." She stepped in and grabbed me by the shoulder and tugged. "Maybe it was just the speed of the songs, perhaps you would have danced if it was something slower." Sharon stepped in closer and was right up against me, her left hand touched on my right hip. I continued to play dumb at this point until I realized that Sharon was trying to get me to dance with her, by this time my heart was pounding so hard I couldn't hear the music any longer. I did protest at first as she pulled me to the middle of the room, just because a part of me was still angry with her and I do love giving her a hard time. Sharon kept swaying her hips hoping I would join in and something in me relented as I turned my head around, I was just so tired and emotionally drained from everything. Sharon had this way about her that could ease my stress, it must be her upbeat outlook on life in general. Anyway, I started to follow Sharon's lead as our bodies swayed to the song, which I don't recall the name of, my mind was way to stormy to recall that particular detail. I was trying to go into 'casual' mode, thinking about all the times Sharon and I have danced before when out at parties and clubs, that this was just the same old thing, no big deal. "You cold?" Sharon asked. "No, why?" A little surprised that Sharon asked me that. "Your just shaking a bit. Just relax." She sighed. Just relax? I wanted to run to the bathroom and puke my guts out I was so nervous and scared and I didn't even know why, actually yes I did, I was just suppressing a sneaky suspicions I had. Anyway I forced myself to take a few deep breaths and let my fingers glide over Sharon's shoulders and arms as we began to sway back and forth, our bodies finally settling into a slow rhythm until our eyes found one another. My mind started to drift, I wondered what Nikki was doing and what it would feel like to have her close to me now, I think my hands even pulled Sharon closer as my mind drifted and wondered. I felt Sharon bend her left knee and slid her leg forward, prodding my thighs apart, I relaxed and let her knee push in-between my legs. We were just kind of holding one another at this point and moving with our cheeks touching one another. Sharon would whisper something nice and complimentary, I would thank her and just kept wondering if I was about to wake from this steamy dream. The music never seemed to stop, I recall a low sensual voice singing in the background and I could feel Sharon's fingers tracing the outline of my bra strap thru my shirt, following it's lines down over my shoulders to where it clasped in the back. Later, I realized my fingers had done they're own navigating, up and down Sharon's back. "This is nice." I said could feel that electricity flow from the ground up, that energy that rises up in your body when you're about to engage in something new and exciting. With our heads pulled back a little, I could see that the front of our bodies were totally pressed against one another. "I don't know if I've ever told you this, but I've always been jealous of you." Sharon suddenly whispered. "What?" I almost froze, well I did for a second because this news was a shocker, and why is she telling me this now? "Yep, the way you seem to effortlessly be comfortable in your own skin, how beautiful you look without ever having to work at it, how guys and girls just gravitate...." "Oh god stop...stop Sharon." I pleaded, it was getting nauseating to hear this. I did appreciate all the compliments, but felt she was going over the top. I felt her hands slip around my waist and her fingers lock at the base of my back, pulling our stomachs in tighter. Another song went by and we danced quietly until she pressed her lips against my cheek and kissed me. 'Uh oh! Here we go' I thought and suddenly froze, my heart filled with fear, like a runaway elevator that was now plummeting out of control into the depths of despair. This was it and I knew what was coming and decided to let it wash over me in a series of slow movements, I could smell the sweet perfume radiating off Sharon's still sweaty skin as stray strands of damp hair would graze and cling to my own cheek. I think we were both gasping a little, because the rush of excitement was something I seldom had ever experienced (except with Nikki and my brain seemed to want Sharon to become Nikki just for this one moment). I started kissing on Sharon's neck and she on mine, it was a delightful experience as the momentum carried over to our hands that sensually and carefully explored each other, covering hips, back and arms. As if on command we tilted their heads and leaned in until our foreheads pressed against one another, the tips of our noses rubbed and I just kept my eyes closed. I felt so overpowered by the moment, my lower privates throbbed and butterflies made my tummy tremble as I cracked an eyelid to watch Sharon moisten her lips with her tongue. Sharon never asked, she just went for it, her soft lips lightly grazed mine and I was suddenly brushing my mouth upward as my lower lip briefly caught on Sharon's upper and she leaned in, maybe not even a quarter of an inch and our soft, fleshy, lips pressed. In unison we both pressed in, it was very intense, but at the same time it was absolutely terrifying to be so emotionally vulnerable with someone I had always thought of as just a very close friend. As if on queue we suddenly pulled away from one another, gasping, my mind was spinning, I mean what the hell I'm standing here kissing Sharon? Did she know what she was doing? I made every effort to look into her eyes and read her emotions and intentions, there was no doubt or confusion on her part and she moved in once again. This was my first reality check at just how aggressive Sharon really could be, it was like she was trying to devour my lips when she came in for a real kiss, her tongue whipped around inside of my mouth and I let her! But she was also gentle and soft at times, caressing away the tears from my face, wait was I crying? I must be. But I discovered that Sharon liked to kiss 'rough', rubbing, sucking and nibbling on my lips. Trust me, several times I was thinking: What am I doing, kissing my good friend like this and the things she would say...when Nikki and I made out, it was normally quiet, with only soft loving words, but Sharon started saying things like; "Oh baby you are so fucking hot.", "You're the only girl I've ever fantasized about." "I love your hot ass!" The intensity of the kiss simply seemed to grow and soon it was just a long string of moans and grunts as our lips and tongues wrestled aggressively against one another. "Kiss me, keeping kissing me, please", Sharon kept moaning as she lunged her mouth after mine, I just about had an orgasm when Sharon sucked on my tongue for several seconds, I mean what the heck is going on! Fear, panic, hopelessness started crashing in on the moment, and my trembling that initially started as lust soon turned to anger as I soon realized that this cannot continue. 'You can't do this' my mind and body was now shifting and focusing because this isn't where I want to be, and I didn't know what Sharon's real intentions were. Like I have always said, I take kissing very seriously. My two strong hands came up, a palm coming to rest on each of Sharon's cheeks as I slowly tilted my head away, breaking off the kiss. "That was wonderful Sharon, but slow down." My words carried more then just common sense, there was a focus taking place mentally and emotionally, I knew where my heart belonged. "Corbin?" Sharon's voice came out trembling, her hands now cupping my cheeks in return, "I..." she paused and I was eager to hear what was to come next. "...I" she quickly buried her face into my neck and hugged me, "I'm sorry." she sighed. What about me? So what should I be? Mad, confused, irritated, insulted, or maybe all of them? I actually wanted to know what Sharon was thinking before jumping to any conclusions, after all, I did let the kiss continue for a bit so I participated as well. I also had to be honest, I've always found Sharon attractive and had my own fantasies about kissing her, now that it has actually happened I can say that it was very wonderful, even sensual, but it didn't have the same electricity and lustful spark that Nikki and I have, and that fact is very important. "Was it nice?" Sharon suddenly asked and leaned away, we still had each other in a close embrace, it looked like Sharon had collected herself a little. "Yes, it was very nice." I smiled and even blushed, "You've never been at a loss of words before Sharon, so tell me, what was were you thinking?" "Thinking? I wasn't thinking silly!" Sharon blushed and smiled her big smile, that almost made me laugh and I really didn't want some heavy conversation to start, if this was some fleeting moment of lust on Sharon's part that I was fine with that. "What?" I asked as soon as I realized that Sharon was studying me hard now, even in her slightly alcoholic induced state of awareness, she was thinking about something profound. Her head slowly, barely even distinguishable, moved a little as if some reality was settling in. "Tell me!" I said and flexed my arms a little, causing her torso to shake some. "You really love that girl, don't you?" It wasn't even really a question, actually it was more like some self-awareness that Sharon was coming to terms with. I cracked a smile and was tempted to say 'Yeah well DUH!', but I let my smile convey everything I had already verbalized a thousand times over. Sharon wasn't smiling so much now, maybe the reality that all of her scheming in College and trying to set me up on dates, and prodding to get me together with David were all for naught. "Can I kiss you some more?" Sharon asked with a smile and leaned in a little. "What!" I leaned back, a bit surprised and nervously giggled, "Are you still drunk?" "Not really, but you're the best kisser! Better then any guy I've ever kissed and my last two boyfriends were great kissers so that says allot." Sharon began to wiggle her body up close to me. I gotta get this girl off me, this is way to tempting, "Whoa, slow down girlfriend, we gotta stop. I enjoyed it, but let's put the brakes on this now." And I pushed her away, meanwhile she's grabbing at my ass and hips as I turn away to go into my room. "Well damn!" She huffed and strutted down the hall toward her room, kind of singing to herself a little. Great, I hope this was a one time thing and she doesn't start chasing me down all the time, that's all I need. I flopped down on my bed and got a little irritated, why can't Nikki be so persistent! ********** As painful as it was, Nikki and I went about our normal lives while apart, err separated, broken up? Hell I don't know what you want to call it. Doesn't that sound bizarre? Because what is normal? Living your life according to how you think other people will approve? Nikki rarely dated any guys during our time apart and I was starting to keep Robert at arms length, but after all he WAS still my boyfriend at that time and I enjoyed his company and deeply cared for him. So I admit, I take things for granted, like it's damn hard for a guy to control his sexual urges. You see some nights I would sleep over Robert's apartment and yet I kept slamming the brakes on (just I like I used to do with Dale). In the back of my mind I knew what was coming, the same train wreck that sent Dale and I off the track and into a big breakup, his urges began to override his logic. I probably should have learned my lesson, but no, not me. (Besides, between shuttling to work, the gym, seeing Nikki and dating Robert I knew the crap was going to hit the fan sooner or later.) I was 22 at this time, continuing to get physically harder all the time and this was pure hell on Robert. I was very prudish around Robert, rarely sleeping over his apartment, and I always wore some kind tee shirt and shorts to bed, but that alone was driving him insane with lust it seemed, and it probably wasn't the best idea to let him sleep in the nude next to me, constantly feeling his erection bumping up against me. But I loved his soft caresses, which I found very soothing, and I still felt our whole relationship had an innocent quality about it. Innocent that is until he blew me away with a suggestion one night as we lay in bed; I was lying on my left side while Robert was hugging me from behind, as usual I could feel his penis pressing hard against my butt. Why he would torture himself by coming to bed without any clothes on baffled me, but in any case his right hand had a nice grip on my right butt cheek when I heard him ask, "Maybe we could try something different?" "What? Like what?" I initially had no clue what he was going after, he knew sex was out of the question, I guess had come up with another argument about how oral sex doesn't really count as sex. "Not oral sex, or regular sex." He said, "But try..." his words trailed off as he squeezed my ass. I took a deep breath and privately counted to ten so that I didn't blow up. What is it with you guys wanting to stick your dick back there? Sharon told me that her boyfriend Kevin in College, and Paul recently, all tried the butt sex route, she flat out rejected them of course. "No Robert." I sighed. "We...I mean, I'd be careful." He sat up a little. Well, I have to be blunt with him now, so I also prop myself up on my left elbow and flip some blonde hair out of my eyes, I roll over toward him, "No sex Robert." "But it's not the same." He protested. "Then how about this, NO penetration of any kind." I got more firm. "Okay...okay." He moaned and flopped back onto the bed, the sheets were now a bit disheveled and his body lay mostly uncovered, and he made no attempt at covering up his erection. I can't believe it, I felt pretty bad for him, he seemed to be in a constant state of suffering around me. My left hand began to rub his stomach until I seemed to instinctively grip his penis, it was hot and twitched in my hand. He moaned again and closed his eyes as I would gently squeeze then release, then squeeze again. "Would you at least rub on me?" He seemed to beg more than ask, I just smiled down at him and that alone gave him the answer. But then I paused and took a deep breath as I contemplated doing something, something I had never done to a man before. I didn't want to analyze things right now, otherwise I would be sitting her all night and get nothing accomplished. "I'll go down on you if you promise to tell me before you cum?" "Oh god yes." He sighed and I swear I thought he was about to cry. I really did love Robert, he was such a sweet caring guy, not in-love with him mind you, but I did love him toward the end of our relationship, how strange is that? I was actually getting very turned on at the moment, I knew that Sharon had given oral sex to all of her boyfriends and so had Nikki, well actually to clarify, Nik just Rob back in College oral, and they had gone ALL the way, but none before him. Nik was a bit prudish with the guys, like me, seemed were saving up all our sex drive for one another :). So I just made this up as I went along and how he responded to my touch, I used my tongue and took as much into my mouth as I cared too, while trying not to scrap my teeth over his head or shaft. The boy was in heaven, and I was getting off on the control I seemed to have over him, his whole body seemed to quiver and shake depending on what I did. He started to arch his back and pant allot faster now, so I thought I better remind him, "You better tell me *when* or you'll be sorry." And I put my lips back on the crown of his penis while moving my right hand down to gently squeeze his balls, and that's when... "IM CUMING!" He called out and in a flash my head was out of the way, my left hand continued moving up and down and I had never seen him cum so much. He easily shot all the way up onto his chest again and again. "Oh my god, thank you." He just kept thanking me along with a long string of curse words. "Now go clean yourself up." I ordered and pointed to the bathroom, I rolled over and pulled the covers up so I could sleep now. Like I was going to get some tissues and clean the guy up, please! Not going to happen. [On a side rant. Let me just say that I have never, and will never try anal sex. THAT IS THE EXIT DOOR PEOPLE!! What is wrong with all of you guys! All of my plumbing works perfect back there, you think I want to screw that up? You can't get in my front door so you try the back door...gheesh. I bet I could punch a hole in the wall and you'd be happy to stick your penis in it.] Even after that warning, Robert still had this preoccupation with my butt, which I guess is fine, I have a sexy ass, or so I'm told, so if he wanted to admire it, touch it (in private not public) go right ahead. Anyway, things settled back down, and I went ahead and became more conservative around Robert just to settle him down. Things seemed calm all right...nice, no pressure from him on anything for awhile, I also was very skimpy on giving him oral sex, in fact he only got it one more time after that. All seemed perfect...too perfect. ********** Like I have always said, Robert is very perceptive and smart, or maybe it was just foolish of me to think he would never wise up to the fact that Nikki and I would periodically go out on a date. Err, well I don't know if I would call it dating. Nikki and I would go kick the soccer ball around at the park, go jogging, catch a movie and buddy around, we had put allot of our mutual lusting for one another on the back burner and tried to settle into hanging out as friends. She was and still is, my very best friend, although we avoided one topic in particular, which is dating guys, Robert in particular. We did both get many a laugh out of recounting tales of girls hitting on us for dates, I don't know if we had both started putting out some kind of weird vibe after we fell for one another back in College, but ever since then, gay women would home in on us frequently. I had left work to go and meet Nikki at her apartment for lunch, I was all smiles when I left her place and was about to unlock my car door when it all unraveled before my very eyes. I thought I was seeing things then my stomach got that sick tight feeling as I saw Robert's car pull up in front of Nikki's apartment complex. I did several double takes to make sure it was him, yep it was, DAMN! My first thought was to scold myself, 'You big dummy, why did you ever tell Robert about Nikki!' well my mind answered itself, 'Because you TRY to be honest about everything!' And this is what it got me, a bucket load of grief. 'Is this some kind of sick joke?' I also thought, fate stepping in and forcing a hand to be played out. Anyway, I tried reading Robert's expression he looked a mess, more so emotionally as he stepped out of the car and walked towards me, not even shutting off the engine or the car door. He almost had tears in his eyes as he approached, which choked me up terribly, I kept telling myself 'Keep it together.' "What the hell is going on Corbin?" He said, looking at me then glancing around as if to see if anyone else was there. "Robert please, let's go back to your place and talk." I walked over to him and touched his arms. "No Corbin! Tell me, were you here seeing a guy? What's going on?" Now the tears were coming and he had that sick, pale look on his face. "It's not that at all." By now I was feeling close to tears myself because I didn't want things to end like this, so I had to steady myself, "There is no guy." I said sternly and clenched my jaws. He had an initial look of confusion after all he had no idea this was Nikki's apartment and of course his first instinct what that I was seeing another guy. "Look..." But I was interrupted as I suddenly noticed his line of sight changed, I turned and saw Nikki standing on the steps a few yards away. Well, this is just getting better by the minute because Robert has met Nik before so his brain immediately processed what was going on. She stood there looking concerned for me, as well as Robert. "What is going on? I deserve the truth!" "Nothing!" "BULLSHIT!" And back and forth it went until I basically snapped. "Shut up!" and I get in Robert's face and literally push him aside, causing him to stumble back. "What?" Robert gasped in shock. I just point to his car, "I swear Robert you better move your ass, your car is blocking mine and if you don't move it I will, and I'll put the damn thing in the nearest ditch when I do!" I must have lost my mind. Well he's walking to his car now, saying things like "I can't believe your doing this!" I run up the sidewalk to where Nikki is standing, she has the totally stunned look on her face, "I'm sorry, Robert must have followed me or something." "Or something." Nikki says lowering her face with a look of suspicion. "What the hell does that mean?" I ask, blown away that I have some ulterior motive here. "Nothing, just go take care of Robert." She sighs and turns away to walk back into her apartment. I was stunned and a little pissed as I watched her sprint back up the stairs. So now I'm about to get in my car and realize I need to calm him down, and so I wave him down before he pulls away. He's practically sobbing as I kneel down next to his window and reach in to stroke his head and neck, "Robert, shhh, it's okay, just calm down okay. I'll follow you to your place all-right?" He's better, but still pretty upset and I can understand as I get in my car and close my eyes, I need to relax a little, I can't get into traffic all cranked up like this. This is just great, I've thrown an emotional wrecking ball straight into Robert's path, lord what a mess. I even thought about going to the gym, because with so much anger I bet it would be good to utilize that energy by lifting some weights. Anyway, we get to Robert's and he's in better shape, he's angry now and he keeps repeating, "Just tell me the truth, what's going on." Well, angry or not I'm calling the shots now so I tell him to take a seat and shut up. I try to keep my cool and sit down on the sofa with him, taking his hands into mine, softly stroking his forearm. "Robert, listen to me, I told you from the beginning that Nikki was an important part of my life." That really didn't help things, because back and forth the conversation goes, he teeters between wanting to believe me and still trying to dig...beg...pry for any missing pieces, like was I just stringing him along while I put things back together with Nik? Finally, after about a half-hour I'm fed up and stand (especially when he started to question my sexual orientation and how he didn't understand how I could be attracted to men and women, hell I don't fully understand it myself, all I know is that I fall in love with people and if it's a women that's meant to be my life long partner, then so be it.) Anyway I'm not getting out of there so easy, he's grabbing for my hands and pleading with me to stay and that's when I finally say what really needed to be said all along...that phrase that nobody wants to here; "Robert, we need a break!" and I jerk my hand away from his and head to the door. Oh brother, he's really upset now and tugging at my arm...my shirt...I mean, he really wasn't being THAT pathetic, he just wanted to talk and was trying to keep himself somewhat together, trying to keep *us* together, but who can blame him, in a matter of minutes our entire relationship just went 'bye-bye' or at least it seemed that way. I get out the door and I'm now flipping open my cell phone and dialing Nikki while walking to my car, I figure I've got one more firing squad to face and here goes... She's concerned but quiet and that tells me one thing, she's pissed...I mean really pissed. I'm actually feeling exhausted as I head back to work but for some reason I am overcome with incredible relief, which is odd because I've just walked away from a serious relationship. Knowing how I am, once things get 'out of sorts', I just want to move on and in a matter of hours my relationship with Robert was over. After work I'm driving back to Nikki's apartment, I'm a little pissed now because my workout schedule will be affected, I am very routine oriented you see :). I see Nikki already out in front of her complex and she looks relieved to see me, but still pissed, she has that 'quiet' pissed look, that's how she is, unlike Sharon who will begin flapping her arms and jumping around in circles while screaming. Nik comes down the steps and greets me with a warm, tight hug, 'Ah, that's better.' I think, but know that the worst of it is not over. "Corbin, you need to go home and rest." Nikki says and strokes my neck and back. "You know Nik, you knew I was seeing Robert, and you know how crazy relationships get." I said in defense. "You told me it was over." Nikki leaned into me, a flash of anger erupting. I knew she hated the fact I had started dating Robert while we were romantically apart. "It is, I just ended it, but I didn't want it to end like that!" I flung my hands out to my side. To my surprise Nikki just turned away, wrapped her hands around the front of her and lowered her head before heading back inside, leaving me standing there in disbelief. "You started this! You wanted to have this break!" I snapped and felt my lower lip tremble as I was now wiping the tears from my cheeks. But she never looked back, she kept on walking away and back up to her apartment and then sprinted up the stairs, I caught a faint glimpse of her right hand brushing away at her face and I knew she was crying as well. "Well that's just fucking great!" I sigh and wave my arms out to my side and walk to my car. Lord have mercy, living alone on a desert island is looking better and better. ********** When I got back to my townhouse Sharon was there and was the wonderful friend I had come to know over the years. What she did next I did not deserve, or at least I thought I didn't deserve; She drew a bath for me, washing my hair and massaging my neck. I mean, I guess I looked pretty down in the dumps, but here I was being pampered and cared for. Meanwhile Robert sat back at his apartment feeling 'dumped'. I was more prepared then he was, I had been formulating my exit for weeks, psychologically getting ready to 'bail' if the shit hit the fan, while he was totally...utterly...blindsided. And what kind of support network do you guys have? The usual guy's coming around, taking them out and feeding them the 'standard routine' of: "Yeah man, girl's aren't worth it." "You're better off without her." "You need a girlfriend who won't hold out on you, she's was just a tease anyway." I'm just assuming the worst, Robert has some good friends and not all would fall in line with that kind of rhetoric, but I know when they went out drinking I was probably getting bashed pretty hard. But anyway, as I sat soaking in that tub with Sharon gently messaging the warm sponge over my shoulders, Sharon really tried to do her best with some advice, "Corbin, don't be so hard on yourself." "I should have done the right thing, I should have stopped seeing Robert first. I should have at least had the courtesy to do that out of respect for what we have." I really didn't expect what happened next, Sharon had scooted up next to me and leaned over the edge of the tub, placing a kiss on my left cheek. "You're a good person, don't be so hard on yourself." Sharon whispered into my ear. ********** After that little bit of drama I had some sorting out to do and knew that I was still going to be in and out of touch with Robert in the days to come. But honestly, the following days were hell (days for me, weeks for Robert), and I made them hellish (on me) on purpose. You see Robert pursued me almost daily, seeking reconciliation by calling, sending me long emails, even hand written letters in this techno age, and of course flowers. Spilling out his heart and love to me and I forced myself to read every painful word as a way of finding out if there were any feelings still there, anything that might draw me back to him. Nope...none, case closed. It became all crystal clear now, or again I should say, Nikki always was several steps ahead of me maturity wise. She knew there would be fallout from my breakup with Robert, and pushed us apart just a little until it began to subside, I on the other hand wanted to jump right into something hot and heavy with Nikki thinking we both needed to seize the moment! Robert eventually started dating someone else and ironically she was a girl in town who could not stand me (goes back to my college days), she was my exact opposite in many ways. Very, very, VERY feminine, hated to workout, but had a good body, and was giving Robert any kind of sex his imagination could contrive. Then David came back around after he heard Robert and I parted ways. David was still a friend and that's how I viewed him, so I flat out rejected his appeals for dating which put him into a funk, but tough shit, that's the knocks of the dating world. I kind of woke up and went to bed every day just a little down and kept more to myself during that time. I just couldn't spring out of bed in a good mood knowing the hell Robert was going thru, after all he was my boyfriend, and I his girlfriend. His daily/weekly life revolved around our relationship; Movies we planned on seeing, going out to dinner, planning vacations, calling each other up at the end of a long day to talk and make plans. All gone...suddenly...and without warning. The nights and weekends were particularly hard on him, the tears he would cry when I tried to console him at times were gut wrenching. We had friends that moved in similar circles so it was very hard and awkward on both of us, particularly when guys started hinting at asking me out while he was still trying to get over me. Over the years (and a number of women can relate to this) I've had more then my share of stalkers. Maybe 'stalker' is a bit harsh, but when I go on a few dates with a guy, and then suddenly, they are showing up at the gym, hanging around the places I would go, like keeping tabs on me you could call it. College was the worst, kind of confined to certain areas so you were always bound to run into someone. I've BREIFLY dated guys that would interrogate me with junk like: "Why were you late to gym?" "Where were you?" "You said you would be here at such-and-such time!" "Where are you going tonight?" "Who was that guy your were talking to?" "Why didn't you come to the gym today?" "I tried calling you on your cell phone but it was turned off!" "A friend saw you at this place when you said you were going somewhere else!" Just to name a few. If YOU have asked any those questions, seek some counseling! Well, that's harsh, sometimes it is just concern. It's just not a good idea to do that with me, it's a sure fire way to get your ass kicked, hung up on, or some other way of letting you know, NEVER BOTHER ME AGAIN! Well, I didn't mean for this to turn into a sad, long story (violins playing in the background) kind of rant. But life isn't always sunshine and carefree. Or maybe I can be so damn impatient. :)My_Story_41