My High School Years

Vier

Corbin

**********

"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member." 
Groucho Marx 

**********
 
You smell that? 

That's smoke coming out of my ears...I'm brain fried this morning.
 
I have no idea how my fingers are even typing....or where these words are even 
coming from...I'm rambling...drifting...I need some coffee...that bed is 
looking good again...I'm going to be late for work...
 
*YAWN*
 
Well, wasn't that an exciting introduction...if I think of something wonderful 
I'll come back and write something... 
 
**********

It was an awkward, unnerving couple of days that followed. Simply talking in the 
hall together was a test in anxiety and stress, more so for me as my friends 
typically consisted of outcasts and former-friends of Sharon's. Each warning me 
relentlessly that 'I' was going to be Sharon's next ex-friend and better to 
sever ties with the Cheerleading captain now, before finding out painfully 
later. Yet I never saw any of those warnings manifest in the way Sharon treated 
me. But with so many people telling me otherwise, to in essence 'watch my back', 
I couldn't help but keep my guard up at times...'just in case' I would tell 
myself.
 
But not everyone was willing to let things slide, no matter how much time went 
by, I should have known...heck, maybe I did know that something was brewing 
between me and Taylor. Now I don't believe in being able to predict the future 
but I was doing a fine job of being able to mentally picture everything that was 
going to happen that afternoon, before it happened. I also suppose you might say 
that subconsciously I wanted this to happen and now I have to use that word 
'fate' again, because I knew that having Taylor and me in the same room 
together...alone, was a bad thing...like right now!
 
Damn, and I was so close to the end of school year to...
 
I had hoped that because our lockers were on opposite sides of the row, and 
about ten feet down from one another, that I could just change and get the hell 
out of there. So I quickly crossed my arms in front, gripping the bottom of my 
sweat soaked t-shirt and in one fluid motion peeled it from my body, leaving 
just my sports bra and running shorts still intact. Performing a slight weight 
shift onto my right leg, I raised my arms above my head and clasped my left 
wrist with my right hand before leaning far to the left and then to my right, 
stretching and pulling my sore, tight lat muscles. Dropping my arms I slowly 
rolled my head back and forth trying to work out some of the tension from a 
physically and mentally exhausting two weeks. Yeah I know, I'm dragging my feet 
now, but I have to stretch...and even though I need to get a move on and get 
home I really didn't feel like rushing just for Taylor's sake.

All the crap I have had to listen to, even my own teammates have been merciless 
with the questions and comments. At least most of them haven't stopped talking 
to me, a slight consolation to an overall miserable past few days, and sadly I 
knew they would never warm up to the idea of me hanging out with Sharon or vice 
versa. Ironically though, the first time Sharon invited me to attend a party at 
Rachel's house everyone seemed really nice, most likely because I was never one 
of their biggest critics.
 
Ahh...DAMN! Here we go.

I now catch Taylor glancing over at me and sense something bad is going to come 
out of her big mouth. Shit...must move faster...skip the showers...go straight 
home. Another uncomfortable feeling was creeping up on me, as mentioned earlier, 
Taylor was known for being openly gay and her eyeing me made me feel tad 
uncomfortable. From the corner of my left eye I caught her hands almost rip her 
shirt off, tossing it to the ground, now I'm back to picking up this hostile 
aura from her again...'Maybe she can't decide if she has the hots for me or 
wants to try and kick my ass?' Probably both I guess.
  
Physically, there were some pretty major distinctions between our body types, I 
had that toned, almost muscular physique with almost no body fat while Taylor's 
own muscular, stocky build was wrapped in a layer of body fat, not allot, but 
enough to soften her look. I guess she enjoyed eating fast food too much to give 
it up in the pursuit of that 'ripped' look.
 
Now, indirectly Taylor had been waging a war of words with various classmates 
against me and Sharon, saying crap like;
'How could she befriend that snotty, fucking, bitch!',
'They now hang around each other all the damn time and to make matters worse 
most of the girls on the Cheer squad now accepts her as an equal!',
'Pretty soon, she will start to act just like one of them!'
 
I really had tried to keep to myself and mind my business, but Taylor was 
starting to make allot of annoying racket...slamming her locker closed and then 
open again, throwing her clothes down on the bench and floor. I was sure it was 
an attempt to pluck my nerves, and it was working.
 
'Ohhh great!' I privately moaned when Janet suddenly came around the corner 
and opened up her locker, which was next to Taylor's, on her right.
 
"Hey, that was a good practice game today, yeah?" Janet piped up and I was 
swept up with a moment of relief, thinking that Janet would be that needed 
distraction, a saving moment of grace. But FAT CHANCE! Taylor wasn't listening, 
"Yeah" I heard her mumble half-heartedly. I should have known, Taylor was 
always a little unstable and once her little mind capsized, her better judgment 
simply got drowned by the moment;
 
"You know what Janet, too bad we didn't get to finish off Princess the other 
day."

But I knew Janet to be a little more sensible and while she normally took 
Taylor's lead, I could tell she was backing down. Mostly I believe because of 
me, with nothing but my sports bra on I looked pretty mean and intimidating 
after a workout.
 
"Uhhhhhh..." Janet stuttered, "Uhhhh, yeah, I know what you mean." but Janet's 
voice was shaking, not giving Taylor the resounding support she was looking for.
 
As for me? Well, I could feel the blood flowing at a furious pace into my 
arteries, my ears were doing that pounding thing as I prayed; 'Please god, make 
her shut up, please.' I felt like I was being tested and my hands lowered to my 
side as I just stood paralyzed looking straight ahead into that dark locker. It 
was as if the dark void was calling me...that darker side of myself...nice 
parallel huh?
 
"You know, she looked really cute in her..." came the last straw out of Taylor's 
mouth. 

THAT'S IT!

My mind snapped and I slammed my locker shut, causing both Taylor and Janet to 
jump with shock. Still, I just stood there, facing my locker as my palm lay flat 
against the now closed door. Still decked out in my shorts and bra, I slowly, 
purposively stepped over that bench, I didn't even see the bench as my legs 
seemed to move of their own accord. My left leg found its footing...then my 
right as I now stood only feet away from my antagonist. With every move it 
seemed that my anguish intensified as blood continued to flood arteries, I 
didn't know if I was ready to cross 'that' line, a line I had never crossed 
before. But as I said before, it felt like I was stepping out of one 'skin' 
and into another, the old 'Corbin' was still standing back at the locker, 
calling me back and to ignore Taylor's taunts, 'Don't go!' my non-
confrontational side cried out...

...but it was too late. I watched Taylor blink a couple of times with doubt as 
she stared at me, maybe a little surprised I was ready for this showdown. 
Indeed, I don't think she expected me to 'step up' so quickly and hesitated 
just long enough for me to speak;
 
"Shut your mouth Taylor and take what you just said back." Well, not the most 
intimidating comment 'take it back' but I'm winging it here a little, I did 
lower my voice so as to conceal any nervousness. Wow, what a rush! My whole body 
felt alive, my chest was swelling...rising and falling like my very heart might 
explode, although I knew that wasn't likely, it was just unlike any other level 
of energy I've been able to achieve. But let me reiterate...I do NOT like 
fighting...but I am good at it :)
 
The walls and everything around me started to fade away, leaving just me and 
Taylor, I didn't even see little Janet anymore.
 
"Why don't you just MAKE me!" Taylor slammed her locker shut and turned to 
square up her shoulders. 'Nice try' is what I'm thinking, but I can tell she 
doesn't have it. Now why would I know that? I'm no mind reader but her eyes 
are darting all around while I just have this laser-like fixation on her face. 
She's trying hard, but there is a wave of doubt that keeps rippling up to the 
surface...all in the eyes and a few other nervous twitches in her body language.
 
So now I take another step forward, "Why are you pushing me?"
 
"Why are you hanging out with that bitch!" Taylor was almost yelling. 'Oh, let's 
ratchet it up to yelling now, that's always a good scare tactic' I 
think sarcastically to myself. Regardless, I could also tell that Taylor had 
backed herself into a corner with no way out...she couldn't loose face now.
 
I suppose for a split second I thought about what the consequences might be, but 
I did *it* anyway, I reached out with both hands and shoved Taylor on her 
shoulders. She was flailing her arms next, her shoes slipping and down on her 
back she went, it all happened so fast that I was still coming to terms with the 
fact I had just pushed her down. She fought the fall every inch of the way, I 
guess I must have pushed allot harder then I intended, okay that's bullshit, I 
pushed her pretty hard because I wanted to.

Janet's eyes were almost popping out of her skull as she looked a little 
panicked, trying to decide whether to run and get a teacher or to just run for 
cover, "Uhmmm...guys! Please!" Janet tried to weakly intervene.
 
"You just have to keep pushing it too far, don't you?" My face became a little 
flushed now, it felt as if my heart was sucking all the blood right out of my 
legs and making them feel weak. The other visible sign of my despair was the 
obvious shaking in my hands, but my voice was still even and I tilted my head 
slightly forward, 'Maybe that will add a menacing look to my stare' I thought 
with some degree of humor.

Taylor was already scrambling back to her feet and had a perplexed expression, 
like disbelief that she was just down on the floor, and I had put her there. I 
expected and got retaliation, Taylor came at me with a hard shove, causing my 
torso to twist in response. But it didn't force me to take a step back (Just a 
little tit-for-tat observation) mainly because I was ready for it. "What are you 
going to do? Nothing! So fuck you!" Taylor yelled and almost had tears coming 
out of her eyes as I guess her nerves were getting the best of her. 

So I'm at that pivotal decision making moment, does Taylor really want to fight? 
Or just have some shoving match? What a waist of time to even contemplate, 
'Let's get this over with or I'll never hear the end of it.'

'You're in trouble now.' My mind warned, meaning that I was thinking about the 
'NO FIGHTING' on school property rule and how I was about to tarnish my pristine 
academic and behavioral record at this School. And that 'old Corbin' was back at 
my locker, begging me to come to my senses, but I had *popped* my top and there 
was no trying to close the lid on my energy now. Besides, it happened so 
quickly, too quickly, as I dove in to tackle her to the ground, not so much the 
way a football player might tackle someone, but the way a wrestler on the guys 
wrestling team would take someone down. My powers of observation are pretty keen 
and I have always been good about being able to mimic people in sports. 

Taylor simply grunted upon the impact and I felt her body tense, trying to lean 
into my oncoming attack. "You fucking stupid bitch" I hissed as my eyes 
narrowed and glistened with a little of my own emotion (No I wasn't going to 
cry, but you know, emotions running high and all). I was surprised how sturdy 
Taylor felt and threw all my weight forward to try and knock her down, 'After 
that?' I had no idea, really didn't have a clue, being my first fight and all. A 
part of me was also praying that I didn't get my ass kicked too badly, 
regardless. My right hand grabbed the back of her left knee and pulled it up, 
that's all I needed and she was going back off balance again, I wanted to lift 
and slam her as I had seen the guys do, but an image of the back of Taylor's 
head hitting the tile floor was not a pretty sight.

"Fuck" Taylor cursed, and I know she wasn't expecting me to be so strong and I'm 
sure no other girl had literally thrown her around like this. 

"Come on Taylor!" I heard Janet shout in support, now that pissed me off.

"Ow bitch! My hair!" My voice was yelling, Taylor had just gone for the classic 
'cat fight' hair pull technique, damn it hurt, she had gripped a big chunk of my 
hair on the back of my head. But that didn't stop us from hitting the floor 
hard, our bodies spilled out and somehow Janet managed to dislodge herself, 
kicking and pushing herself out of the flurry of activity. It back to just me 
and Taylor now, as we reattached to one another, this was a full blown fight and 
my heart and body was racing with adrenaline the likes I had never experienced, 
to my horror I was loving it. I scooted astride her prone body while trying to 
deflect the slaps and punches Taylor was throwing up at me.
 
"Shit! Wait you guys! Stop!" Janet yelled, oh now she's yelling for us to stop, 
is that because I am on top, which is bad news for Janet's friend since from the 
bottom position Taylor didn't seem sure what to do next, her wiggles and 
movements were somewhat spastic and uncoordinated. Perhaps it was just a moment 
of desperation, maybe Taylor felt the fight wasn't going her way and so in a 
moment of opportunity, she tried pulling my hair again, but my left hand quickly 
slapped her right hand away and I managed to wrap my fingers with hers to try 
and control her arm. She resisted of course and Taylor is pretty strong, evident 
in our little quick test of strength, but I just growled and pinned Taylor's 
right arm over her head, well now, guess that answers which one of us is 
stronger. Taylor showed no restraint with fighting dirty as I felt her left hand 
try and grab one of my breasts, 'Oh no she didn't just try and do that!' My left 
hand let go of her pinned right arm and punched straight down into her gut, 
'BINGO' direct hit, I sunk her battleship! :) She's coughing and her face looks 
all red as she gasps for air. 

"Hey, stop get off her!" I hear Janet yelling at me, I just ignore her.

So now I was moving onto accomplishing my next task, inching up her body and 
planting my knees into this bitch's armpits. I then saw an opportunity and kept 
Taylor's arm pinned to the floor (no more pinching, boob grabbing, slapping or 
punching) while trying to pull my left knee up to try and sit astride the girl's 
waist.

I have to admit, we were both getting a bit fatigued, and I couldn't be sure, 
but the layers of perspiration coming off her skin and heavy panting 
made me suspect that Taylor was almost out of gas, soon I hoped she would be 
saying "I give!" and the fight would be over so no one really gets hurt, 
especially me!
 
'There!' I thought as I felt secure on top of her, I guess my mouth wanted to 
step up and take part in the action as well; "You kept having to push it didn't 
you bitch!" I seethed, letting my own anger get the better of me.
 
"Yeah I did, so fuck you!" Taylor was quick with her own response, "You brought 
this on yourself! Hanging out with those fucking snot-nosed cunts!" Taylor 
shouted up at me.

"Give up!" I said, having her pinned to the ground.

"Fuck YOU!" Taylor yelled and thrashed even harder, that pissed me off and I 
moved my left knee out, I didn't know why I did it, but it seemed at this 
particular moment I wasn't even the same person, all I wanted to do was inflict 
the most pain and subdue this girl. So I twisted my hips to the right, bringing 
my left knee back in towards the upper part of Taylor's ribs. Looking down I 
recall this gushing cry burst forth from her throat as Taylor's face scrunched 
up in horrible pain. 'Damn,' I thought, I didn't think I hit her that hard.

But I wasn't taking any chances and reached down wrapping my right hand around 
Taylor's exposed throat, my fingers dug and curled into her slippery, sweaty 
skin effectively pinning her head to the ground.

"Get off of her!" Janet yells at me again and I was surprised to feel her hands 
pulling at my shoulders, trying to get me off Taylor.

This too pissed me off even more, and I turned my attention to the girl at my 
left, pulling on me, I gave Janet a firm shove as hard as I could and she went 
sprawling backwards, "Get the fuck off me or your next!"

I've lost my mind, who is this crazy blonde girl beating up on two schoolmates, 
I no longer knew who I was, clich‚d but true.

I look back down at Taylor, "Are we done?" I spoke in-between gasps, it was 
unbearably hot now with droplets of sweat falling down off my face 'fuck it's 
like a sauna in here or something.' 

"Done? This answer your question?" Taylor's right hand came up with not 
so much amazing speed as much as it simply caught me totally off guard. My left 
arm was unable to come up in time to try and deflect, which meant the slap 
connected fully upon my left cheek. I had never been slapped before and honestly 
it was like someone flashed a light bulb directly in my eyes followed by a few 
seconds of disorientation. Fucking Janet, she distracted me, I had let go of 
Taylor's arms and got rewarded for my mistake. Frantically I tried to blink away 
the tears and regain control of my senses and I wasn't sure how I did it, but I 
kept from getting rocked off of Taylor's bucking body. Had Taylor not been so 
exhausted, she just might have bucked me off, but she hadn't the strength to 
maintain the bridge long enough and her back collapsed back down to the floor. 
In any case, I wanted to hit her again, I mean really hit her, my upper body 
twisted as my right arm pull back and chambered, and thus I launched the first 
punch of my entire life; Yes it was poorly aimed, but it landed with terrible 
impact. I suppose the sweat, combined with Taylor's thrashing caused it to 
glance off the girl's left cheek and plow into the left side of her defenseless 
nose.
 
"Oh my god!" Those were the very next words I heard and they were coming from 
Janet. I looked down and saw a smear of red blood beginning to emerge from 
Taylor's nose, amazing what the sight of blood can do and not just the sight of 
it, but Taylor suddenly panicked as well. There was nothing exciting about any 
of this as I leaned back, scooting off her in my own horror at the 
turn of events. Taylor had moved to quickly cup her face while I slumped back, I 
rested on her knees until I gathered my wits about me and slowly backed further 
away, giving the wounded girl room to sit up. I watched, there was some 
trembling in her fingers as she touched and pinched her nose upon initial 
inspection. 'Wow' I thought, the tears were really streaming down her face now 
as she lay slumped against the wall, trying to recover and get her bearings. 
Janet was quick and handed a towel to her friend, watching that white fabric 
quickly spot red about a minute later got me a little queasy in the stomach. The 
strangest thing was the silence that ensued as we all sat and waited. It hadn't 
even registered with me that I had thrown the punch, or that Taylor's bleeding 
nose was my doing. Slowly I managed to stand until the back of my legs felt the 
bench and sat my shaking body down, 'better to sit down then faint' I thought, 
or worse 'throw up' as my stomach turned at this unexpected sight of blood, my 
head swooned for a few seconds but a few deep breaths seemed to help.
 
"Jesus Corbin!" Taylor finally spoke up, her voice clearly trembling with 
emotion and this look of bewilderment, like she couldn't believe that she was 
sitting on the floor holding a towel to her bleeding nose. She wouldn't look me 
in the eyes, maybe it was anger, or even embarrassment over what had just 
happened. I reached over with my left hand and subconsciously rubbed the fingers 
of my right, there was a slight stinging sensation that had started shooting up 
thru my hand, 'maybe it's just bruised' I hoped as I flexed my fingers.
 
"Look Taylor, I think things got out of hand." I sighed, but then I 
remembered what started our brawl and looked back over and waited until Taylor 
looked up at me; "But don't act so surprised! What the hell did you expect!" I 
started in again and stood up on wobbly legs, my voice a little more threatening 
then before, and if felt good to vent. "And don't ever say anything about Sharon 
again, she's my friend." Wow! Just saying that aloud not only filled me with 
emotion, but pride as it felt like I was really standing up for something, it 
felt, well, empowering! I even think my composure became undone for a second as 
a tear spilled out and over my right cheek, "You got that?" I finally added, I 
guess wanting to make sure my point was clear, and mustered the hardest look I 
could.
 
I watched Taylor pull the bloodstained towel from her nose and look at it, her 
left hand was still tenderly inspecting her nose, but then threw the towel down 
in disgust. "Yeah okay" she muttered, only briefly looking up at me.
 
I wasn't sure what to say or do next and contemplated just turning about and 
leaving, but hesitated. 'I can't leave things like this', maybe deep down I 
wanted to try and salvage something out of this terrible turn of events. I 
wasn't a bully or a fighter and the better reserved part of my personality began 
to take control of my senses. I extended my right hand down and I guess feeling 
I was sincere she took the offer to help her up. Janet followed our lead, also 
getting to her feet, yet still remained the quiet spectator.
 
Taylor simply groaned and made a painful facial expression as she acted 
protective of her side where I forcefully put my knee. But perhaps nothing was 
more unsettling then the physical comparison after the fact, smears of blood 
around her upper lip and cheek, she looked a disheveled mess. Yet I looked a 
little flustered and my right cheek was feeling a bit warm from the slap, but 
one could hardly tell I was in a fight.
 
"I'm sorry" Taylor mumbled, which caught me off guard and her as well, so much 
so that that I distinctly heard her voice crack with emotion, and the tears 
began to run down her cheeks. She took a huge breath of air to try and disguise 
a sob that had also slipped out, my response was to simply nod in acknowledgment 
and slowly took a step back as my eyes traveled to look over at Janet who 
remained standing like some statue, her eyes wide with disbelief looking back at 
me. On my own unsteady pair of legs I sighed "Okay" and walked down the row of 
lockers grabbing my bag and shirt off the bench while my mind lingered in its 
own complete and utter daze.

Wow, what a change, the late afternoon sun was hanging a little low as I emerged 
from the girl's gym room and took a deep breath of the cool air, while some 
humidity hung in the air it was noticeably better then the oppressive heat of 
the locker room I was leaving behind. The slight breeze chilled my body, as I 
approached my car, I watched people milling about outside, going about their 
daily business, 'So strange' that I should feel paranoid, out of body almost, as 
if I had done something terribly wrong. I felt the tension rise in my back, 
waiting for the teacher, security guard or Principal to come running up to me 
any second, to scold and punish me for fighting, to suspend or expel me even. 
'It goes against everything I've been taught, so why is there some feeling of 
liberation in what just happened.'
 
I drove around for about twenty minutes, which was odd because my home was only 
ten minutes from school. Everything seemed to move in a little slower motion, as 
a strange calm and peace settled in over me as I fell into an almost Zen like 
state and then realized that I had the oddest desire to go see Sharon, and to 
confess everything that just happened, 'After all, she's your friend' and that 
really got to me as I felt the tide of emotions rise back up.



  
My_High_School_Years_4