My College Years Part 8

By Corbin

The amazing true story of a girl (that's me) who simply refuses to conform.
 
Introduction/Ranting/Venting/Observations...
 
I wanted to backup a little and vent on my High School experience with that 
wonderful topic of 'Dating'. 
 
Dating for me was probably the most aggravating part of High School, 
simply because I really didn't make it a priority which seemed to set off a 
chain reaction of events I was simply not prepared for. The fact that I was 
so flippant/nonchalant/aloof (pick one) only seemed to aggravate 
everyone around me who DID make it THEIR priority. If I started hanging 
out with some boy, then suddenly it seemed expected for me to become 
friends with his friends and his friend's girlfriends (got that?) even if I 
couldn't stand them, make sense? Good, now lets proceed.
 
Then there were the guys that seemed to razz me publicly for being 
athletic and lifting weights (don't worry, I know it was just a form of 
flirting), because they would just turn around and privately pursue me like 
rabid dogs; Calling me, leaving me notes on my car, in my locker. Give me a 
break, totally confusing, but I understood they had their fragile little egos 
to keep intact and it was more of the *in* thing to date a girly-girl then a 
fashion wreck like myself. Maybe that's not a fare characterization of 
myself; I simply just rolled out of bed and pulled on underwear, shorts, 
tee shirt and sneakers and off to school I went, that was the extent of my 
attention for primping for school. It wasn't a conscious effort on I part to 
snub people, I really believe I was just more focused on sports and 
studying, I parents drilled into I brain the importance of excelling 
academically, besides I saw what a mess dating was making of I friends, 
but I think they loved the chaos it created in their lives.
 
I didn't go to the prom, in fact I didn't go to many dances at all, just more 
social crap to deal with. By I senior year, depending on who you asked I 
was either a snob, or a lesbian; The lesbo tag was something that got hung 
on me in the gossip circle by some girls after I turned down several guys 
for dates. You see, the fact was this mean spirited gossip all started over 
the fact that I was asked out firstÉthat's right, it seems that some girl's got 
their egos bruised when several guys bypassed the self-imposed popularity 
hierarchy by asking me out first before asking out certain more popular 
girls. Ego's further bruised by the fact that I also suspected they spent a 
good hour or two primping in the mirror and I simply trudged down the 
hallway in I dirty sneakers everyday as their boyfriends stared me down 
with lustful intentions.
 
Now, why would I turn down some of the hottest boys on our school 
campus? I can sum it up in one word "Manners". Seems some of these 
boys who asked me out thought that because 'they' knew they were 
popular and attractive meant it was expected of me to automatically accept 
a date invitation, I DON'T THINK SO!  Look, I'm not out to prove a point 
here, but I am very, very picky. I may not have standards when it comes 
to dressing and brushing my hair all the time, but when it comes to who I 
hang out with I do have very high standards. Now that I think about it 
maybe that's what got all the guys jazzed up, the fact that I didn't need to 
dress up or wear makeup to be attractive. Hell, I don't know, I'm just 
venting.

**********
 
I sat up, propping myself up on my elbows as I looked around the room, 
the clock read "9:45am" and there was Sharon, sound asleep in her bed. I 
had not even heard her come back into the room, god only knows what 
time she got in from the party.
 
By the time I stepped out of the bathroom from taking a shower, Sharon 
was now up, sitting on the edge of the bed rummaging her hands thru a 
tangle of long brunette hair.
 
"Hey, how do you feel?" I asked, my tone borderline between cautious and 
optimistic. Sharon's response came after some delay, causing me to 
wonder if she had even heard me. 
 
"Oh, so-so, bit of a hang over, you want to go get some breakfast." Sharon 
looked up suddenly. The comment caught me a bit off guard, not because 
of the request for breakfast, but because there was a tone to the request 
that seemed to indicate an ulterior motive on Sharon's part.
 
"Sure, sounds good." I nodded while tying my tennis shoes, yet the whole 
time I was thinking 'Sounds like hell'. Sure enough, I detected it, that 
awkward, forced dialogue between two people dancing around something 
until the real issue was to eventually be brought up. But it didn't come with 
a *bang*, instead with that of a simple, soft sigh on the part of Sharon as I 
set my cup of coffee down.
 
"We'll, you've done it now." Sharon finally said after a much exaggerated 
'sigh'.
 
"Done what?" I looked up from the just served breakfast platter of a bagel 
and nova.
 
"That little stunt of yours last night, combined with the way you turn down 
invites, you're getting a reputation as being a VERY stuck up, square girl." 
Sharon leaned in and drew a square in thin air with her finger. 
 
"Oh, I don't care about that." I shrugged, while spreading some cream 
cheese on my bagel. But that was a partial lie, but it was more important 
that I keep my emotional defenses up.
 
"Yeah, that's the problem; you don't give a shit." Sharon continued to 
level her eyes at me, but they contained a much harder look.
 
"Look Sharon..." I groaned as I chopped down on my bagel and 
proceeded to talk, because I know talking and eating annoys the hell out of 
Sharon.
 
"Look nothing!" Sharon leaned in, her voice low but with a noticeably hard 
edge to it, "The world doesn't revolve around you Corbin."
 
"Nor you Sharon." I spat back, equally sure to keep my voice low.
 
"No shit, but I'm trying to make inroads into this College, trying to build a 
future for myself and make new friends, not just go to class and collect 
grades." Sharon's face was blushing a bit with emotion as she delved right 
into the matter at hand.
 
"I have sports." I wrinkled I brow at the insult and gave a shrug.
 
"Just gymnastics!" Sharon waved a hand in the air as a quick dismissal.
 
"And Soccer." I raised an eyebrow.
 
"Soccer?" Sharon repeated dumbfounded, "What about gymnastics? 
Where the fuck did Soccer come from?" she asked with concern.
 
"Well, there are several reasons behind that decision; First, I've been 
playing with some of the girls on the field, you know just messing around, 
and it turned out I'm a little quicker then some of the ones who have been 
doing it for years. And my strength seems to give me an advantage also 
and I have more endurance then allot of them too, which is strange 
because of the amount of running on the filed, but I don't think they really 
take care of themselves as well I do. So, I guess that's why I'm in better 
shape."
 
"So just like that, they are going to let you be on the team? And what 
about your gymnastics!"
 
"The past few years have been allot tougher then you realize Sharon, I've 
grown taller and filled out. It's gotten allot harder on my body and joints to 
perform all of those routines, I just can't keep up with those freaky little 
girls flipping and flying thru the air, well not freaky, but their smaller frame 
size is tough to compete against."
 
"We'll you're just naturally muscular, maybe if you went on a strict diet to 
get thinner, did you think about that?" Sharon spoke as I watched her stab 
her salad with a fork.
 
"A strict diet?" I almost spit my food out of my mouth, "I'm like five-foot-
ten now Sharon! I'm an Amazon compared to those girls on the team and I 
think I carry my build just fine and I'm not going to torture myself with 
diets hoping to force my 'square' body into a 'round' hole. It just won't 
work and as for getting on the Soccer Team, I'll have to wait for tryouts 
and start practicing and stuff, but the Coach, he's kind of started to take 
notice of me, so I think they might pull some strings."
 
"Oh, THE Coach, has started to notice you, we'll isn't that special, I bet he 
noticed you alright." Sharon snickered to herself.
 
"That's terrible." I said, "Nothing of the sort goes on like that!" I acted 
totally repulsed and shocked.
 
"Oh, you're so correct, what a totally shocking suggestion. Some facility 
member drooling over a female student, that is so unheard of!" Sharon 
shook her head in mock disgust.
 
"Can we change the subject!" I leaned across the table.
 
"Yeah, we need to, so let's get back to the matter at hand." Sharon sipped 
on her glass of water.
 
"Forget it." I said in a firm voice.
 
"Forget what?" Sharon looked up.
 
"I am not apologizing, 'cause I know this is where you are going." 
 
Sharon's lips tensed as she sat back in her booth, "Thanks Corbin, thanks 
for making so much effort." Sharon fidgeted with the napkin in her lap.
 
"An effort? An effort for whom Sharon?" I quizzed suspiciously.
 
"How about for me? As a friend Corbin, and thanks allot for keeping your 
little soccer plans a secret from me, I guess you would have eventually 
gotten around to sharing that decision with me." Sharon picked her fork up 
nervously and played some more with the salad.
 
"For you Sharon? I'm the one that jerk grabbed back at the party, I mean 
what the hell!" I shook my head in disbelief, "And I was going to tell you 
about Soccer, but your always so busy with your 'social plans'."
 
For a couple of minutes we sat in silence to see if a mutually unspoken 
truce had been reached, until Sharon finally spoke up; "Okay, fine, 
fine, but look, seriously, if you want to pursue Soccer that's just dandy, not 
as glamorous or elegant as Gymnastics, but I'm sure it will be okay." 
Sharon sighed out her comment with a less then enthusiastic tone. "What?" 
Sharon blurted out as she studied my serious expression, one that 
bespoke anger more then anything else.
 
"What? What's wrong now?" Sharon slumped her shoulders forward.
 
"Could you spare me the derogatory remarks." I replied, a slight look of 
hurt in my eyes. Sharon frowned a little, maybe remembering how bitchy 
her comments come out sounding sometimes.
 
"I'm sorry" She said with a frown, and looked back down pushing the 
leaves of the salad around. "I'm just teasing, no harm intended. I guess 
you just totally caught me off guard with your decision. But your super at 
whatever you set your mind to, so I'm sure you'll do great." Sharon looked 
back up and smiled.
 
"Thanks." I tried to smile, but it came out a little forced as I went back to 
eating. A minute of awkward silence still managed to fill the space between 
us.
 
"Look, I'm sorry okay." Sharon said with a much more desperate tone, 
"But sometimes I can't read you and I can't tell when it's okay to joke 
around and when it's not okay." 

That comment, or attempt on Sharon's part didn't go over well with me...at all.
 
"So let me get this straight," I said, Sharon watched as my left hand 
crumbled a napkin in a fit of aggravation.
 
"Look if you're going into a defensive mode, then let's just," Sharon 
snapped back.
 
"No just wait a second, let me finish Sharon..." I leaned in, angry now, 
"...I just want to understand what came out of your mouth..." Sharon 
proceeded to shift in her seat, adjusting her skirt, obviously fighting back 
the words that wanted to fly out of her mouth, although she had to know she was 
totally unjustified in this case. 

"Fine, go ahead" she gripped.
 
"You're basically saying..." I leaned in, lowering my voice, "...that because 
you 'CANT READ ME', that it's my fault you make insensitive comments?"
 
"That's not fair, that's not what I'm saying, I don't always do that..." Sharon 
started to lean over the table, also now speaking with a somewhat intense 
tone.
 
"Yes! Yes you do! You make crappy sarcastic comments all the time! Allot 
more then you are willing to admit! And it's absolutely insulting to sit here 
and listen to you rationalize your bad behavior." I spat.
 
"Your just being OVERLY-Defensive now and beating me up because you're 
having a hard time fitting in here at school!" Sharon interjected, pointing I 
finger at me. But I could tell she instantly regretted making that comment, 
it was purely mean-spirited. And as if on cue, I suddenly leaned back in 
my seat, an obvious look of hurt on my face.
 
"I'm sorry." Sharon pleaded, and her hard, defensive look turned soft and 
emotional. But I would have none of it and quickly looked down at my 
purse, sitting off to my right all the while my heart pounded in my chest, 
"Once again it's my fault, right? All my fault." My jaw flexed as I reached in 
withdrawing my share of the lunch and threw some cash on the table.
 
"I've got it!" Sharon quipped as also grabbed her purse.
 
"Whatever." I said and slid out of the both to stand up.
 
"Wait, where are you going?" Sharon fumbled now for her purse and 
looked up in shock.
 
"You think I'm going to sit around and argue, banter, whatever! While you 
try and blame me, insult me, no thank you." I quickly walked down the row 
of booths, several male students pausing and watching as we walked by.
 
"I said I was sorry!" Sharon called out after me.
 
I glared over I shoulder and shot back, "So what!" as if the apology didn't 
make anything better, Sharon's attempt to verbally settle things was not 
going to work this time. I stepped out into the sidewalk in front of the CafŽ, 
I turned to my right and started walking back towards campus, a cool wind 
caught me head on and it felt good as I took a deep breath.
 
"Corbin! Wait!" I heard Sharon call out, and a couple of seconds later the 
brunette was at my side, "I can't believe you just walked out like that!" 
Sharon huffed.
 
"You see me walking don't you? I'm not going to argue with you Sharon, I'm sick 
of it."
 
"I don't want to argue either!" She pleaded. 

I suddenly stopped and pointed, causing her to stop abruptly "And I'm not going 
to be insulted or blamed for any of this, nor do I want to listen to your 
belittling backhanded apologies!" and then started walking away again.
 
"I'm sorry, okay, look will you stop!" Sharon tugged on the back of my 
shirt. Finally, I started to slow down and looked around silently pointing to 
a small common area with a bench to sit on. We quietly walked over to 
have a seat, a large oak provided some shade from the bright sun. Sharon 
collected her thoughts, "I really mean it, I am sorry, okay?" Sharon leaned 
forward trying to get me to look at her and eventually I turned and did 
look her in the eyes, taking a deep breath. It was a little reassuring to see 
Sharon looking extremely emotional, as if it was finally getting thru to her 
how upset I was.
 
"Well, I'm waiting." I said folding my left leg over I right.
 
"Waiting for what?" Sharon leaned back defensively.
 
"The usual crappy comment that follows your apology, so you don't have 
to take any of the blame." I said with an unemotional and stern stare.
 
"Okay, go ahead, beat me up. I know I'm not perfect, but this has to be a 
two way street you know." Sharon tensed up, knowing that I might take it 
wrong.
 
"What Sharon?" I in fact bristled with defensive posture, "Why do you want 
a two way street with someone that 'doesn't fit in' I snapped." Reminding 
Sharon once again of I comment back at the cafŽ.
 
"I said I was sorry for that I, I was just being mean, a bitch, okay?" 
Sharon pleaded and leaned back against the bench, her arm coming to 
rest on top of the backrest before speaking, "But you never once told me 
what was going on. You know, there's allot of stuff I share with you and 
talk about, but you still throw things out at me 'all of the sudden like' and I 
feel totally blind sided as your friend. And you want my total, unconditional 
support, yet you never even give me the slightest inclination with what is 
going on with you!" Sharon crossed her legs.
 
"Sharon, look..." Sighing as I leaned back, slumping down in the park 
bench a little as I relaxed, "...sometimes, I don't always let you 
know what's going on."
 
"Well, it feels like you never let me in on things lately, point in fact how 
many times have I had things dropped on me when you come into the 
room and announce, 'I'm changing classes', 'I'm dropping this sport', 'I'm 
signing up for this and that', and I never had one inclination that you were 
even thinking about changing your mind, on anything! It's like you have 
this super secret side to yourself." Sharon talked quicker as I guess she 
saw the shake in my head indicating some protesting on my part. "I'm 
not saying I want you to REPORT to me on everything in your life, but 
you're my friend and I enjoy sharing things with you. Stuff that I only want 
you to know because I trust you and I hope you can trust me! It makes 
me feel better when we talk and maybe I just assumed it was the same for 
you also, that you would want to share all those little things in your life. 
I know this sounds corny, but because you're a part of my life and that's why I 
so desperately wanted you to be a part of all my social plans. Not to try and 
change you, but because I so enjoy your company." 

Sharon's right hand stretched out over the back of the bench and gently 
stroked my bicep. I glanced down at the touch and sighed, it was soothing 
and amazingly allot of my hostility seemed to evaporate with one simple 
physical act, and one hell of a speech.
 
"I'm sorry too." I sighed and rolled my eyes to disguise a faint glisten in 
the corner, "I'm not trying to shut you out or be withdrawn."
 
Sharon rubbed and patted my back, "I know school and everything has 
been stressful for you." Sharon leaned closer in, "But I shouldn't have 
been so rude during lunch." This was a big deal for Sharon as I watched 
her, at least in my own mind it was. Sharon had burned thru more 
friendships in her life because of that take-charge, 'fuck you', bitchy 
attitude. Yet I felt some sense of urgency at nurturing this friendship with 
me even though it felt like things had become a little shaky over the past 
few weeks. It felt good to see her make so much effort. 
 
I leaned forward, resting on my knees, my eyes traveling idly 
over the long blades of green grass around my shoes, "Sorry I blew up at 
you, and I shouldn't have walked out my anxiety level is thru the roof 
right now that's all." I reached over with my right hand placed and placed it 
on Sharon's bare left knee
 
"We'll good, I'm glad that's settled!" Sharon straightened and smiled, "And 
we both agree I was right and you were wrong." 

We both laughed at that comment. Sharon stood up and adjusted her purse, "Let me 
know when your trying out for practice, I'll come watch and cheer you on!" 
Sharon pumped her left hand in the air and kicked her left foot out in a little 
impromptu Cheer salute.
 
"Yeah, I'd like that." I smiled and hugged Sharon around the waist.
 
(Things seem to be going better for me right? Well you just wait. Oh, and 
if you've guessed by now that I sound naive back in High School and 
College, well bingo you win a door prize, I was very naive. But that has all 
changed over the years.)


  
My_College_Years_Part_8