My College Years Part 28

By Corbin

"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in 
madness." 
	-Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900)
 
**********
 
It's time for the 'Squat Test'.
 
Every time I go shopping for pants I have to perform the 'squat test'. You 
see, lately the trend with jeans for women is to have them cut so low 
around the waist that if I bend or 'squat' my underwear shows out the back 
or front. I hate that!
 
So I turn around, back to the mirror, squat and look over my shoulder to 
see if the panties are peaking out. A little bit is okay, but not allot.
 
Not to mention that when I find a pair, my thighs usually won't fit, not that 
I have big thighs, it's just they are somewhat muscular. Seems clothing 
designers think all girls are super skinny or super fat. I even have to 
resort to wearing men's jeans so I can overcome this stupid lack of 
selection.
 
Girls, please stop wearing short tank tops, you know the ones, where your 
fat bellies flop out and jiggle when you walk? I know the reason behind it, 
I just wish they would stop. They know their unattractive guts are hanging 
out for the world to see, it's a kind of in-your-face reverse fashion 
statement, or some mumbo-jumbo thing like that.
 
"Gee Corbin, I wish I had a body like yours, you must work out all the 
time."

Yeah, I do workout all the time you jello-eating, fat, slug of a pudding ass. 
While you are out drinking, eating, partying every night, I am at the gym, 
including weekends. It's called making sacrifices, everyone wants the one-
minute thigh-master or the eat-whatever-you-want diet. Damn this world is 
filled with some simple minded, gullible, lazy fools. 
 
I work hard for this body, I take my vitamins, eat what I should, go to the 
doctor and get regular check ups and exams as I should. You know 
something, come to think of it, I have never had a broken bone or even a 
fracture, which is phenomenal considering all the sports I've played and 
still play. My doc says I have great bone density! Oh, I've pulled a muscle, 
jammed a toe, finger or two but that's the extent of it....oops, better knock 
on wood! :)

**********
 
I knew Nikki was watching me, 'watching out for me' perhaps is the more 
appropriate term. The class had been segmented off into appropriate 
rankings and I (with the rest of the novices) sat as 'Bill' went over some 
basic drills. I could call him by his official title as I write this, per class 
protocol, but I don't believe in all that formal bowing junk, just show me 
the technique. Besides, his name really is Bill...he looks like a 'Bill', 
henceforth I will call him Mr. Bill :) Not Sensei, not Master...none of 
that...not out of disrespect, but as you will see, in the next few months I 
would be kicking Bill's ass all over the matt, so much for that Black belt 
around his waist, MASTER BILL! :P
 
Bill, was going around to each student and was explaining how to put 
someone in, as they call it, 'Your Guard'.  Specifically he was showing us 
the 'Near Guard' position, where the person on the bottom has their legs 
wrapped around the hips of the top person. The opponent is clinched close, 
so that they do not have the distance to punch. The bottom person uses 
their legs to control the hips of the top person, got that? 
 
And now my stomach was doing flip-flops. 'Why am I so stressed 
out!' was all I could wonder. Maybe I was picking up a vibe from Bill, 
something that Nikki had failed to inform me of; You see, Bill seems to 
have a fondness of 'putting down' strong women, especially strong 
beautiful women, but not in a mean-spirited or overly nasty way. This was 
done more so because I suspected he wanted to make sure that if you 
were going to convey an 'air' of toughness he sure was going to see if you 
could back it up, especially the girls. 
 
Now it's my turn as he moves over to where I am sitting. I'm feeling pretty 
uncomfortable wrapping my legs around his waist, even with the thick 
heavy Gi on. I don't know why, seems rather intimate, but in any case I 
tried to stay focused on the mechanics of it all, but often wondered if men 
were having secret sexual fantasies as they practiced all of these grappling 
moves with me.  Back to Mr. Bill, he is making some final adjustments 
while leaning over the top of my body and begins to explain the purpose of 
this technique, and how this would lead into other techniques to be utilized 
later. 
 
"Squeeze some." He said, with a tone of 'go ahead, try me'. So I increased 
the tension along my inner thighs; he simply appeared amused, 'What an 
ass' I thought. Cautiously I tightened my left foot around my right ankle 
just a tad more, I'm not sure why I did that, but it was as if my 
subconscious was telling my body to get ready. Several male students are 
just sitting there looking at me, not even paying attention to the instructor, 
and now I'm wondering if this was all a big mistake as I glance over at 
Nikki, but she's busy helping another student, 'Damn, I'm on my own.'
 
"Don't worry, you can grip harder then that, if you can, I'll be alright." His 
voice snapped me back into the moment, but that condescending smile, 
I'm sure it was a fucking condescending smile...now that pissed me off.
 
"You sure?" I sneered. 
 
And then he snorted with amusement, "Yeah, I'm sure" and then I think 
he may have even rolled his eyes a little. 'Is this guy for real? I mean 
what happened to being respectful, and treating your students with 
respect. But this character is acting like a real jerk!' Maybe I'm the one in 
la-la land and need a wake up call or maybe this instructor needs one, in 
any case, boy-oh-boy he's about to get one...from me! 
 
'You want pressure, you got it Mr. Ass!' I was fuming now. Suddenly my 
legs snapped shut and I was beaming with a smile of satisfaction as he was 
starting to realize his poor choice of words. "Like that?" I seethed thru 
gritted teeth while still serving up a heaping helping of that smile of mine.
 
"Ugghhhh" He groaned, "yeeeaahhhgghhh"
 
I was loving it, he couldn't disguise it as his face began that slow twisting 
expression into pain, pain that conveyed his male pride at work, mentally 
fighting to suppress any sign of weakness. But his torso was no match for 
my thighs, even if he was in good shape, I simply steamrolled all of his 
internal guts between my legs, making sure I squished his insides nice and 
flat. 'Oh look at that, he's still trying to act all nonchalant' I thought, but 
he's sweating now and his face is a bit redder then a few seconds before. 
'Oh come on, all of this bravado to save a little face? To save your ego? I 
mean after all he asked for this!'
 
On a hunch I glanced over at Nikki and she almost had a full-blown smile 
on her face, that 'Good, serves you right' kind of look on her face. 
 
And then, I think I rocked his world when I looked back up at poor Bill and 
asked, "Is that tight enough, or should I make it tighter?" I gave him the 
coldest, hard-core look I could, my smile fading. I had held some of my 
gripping power in reserve, just incase.
 
"No, actually you can ease up a little." He finally caved and now no one was 
looking at me any more, but at him in bewilderment as to what just 
took place. Somehow Bill got thru the rest of class, but he wasn't moving 
too well.:) After class he came up and slapped me on the back, even commenting 
me on how strong my legs were. Well, Bill turned out to be a good guy after all, 
just had to deal with allot of his bullshit to find the cool guy underneath.
 
He never asked me to put him in a scissor hold again, I can't imagine why 
:)
 
**********
 
Nikki and I chuckled all the way back to my dorm room, she thought what I did 
was hilarious and it felt good to joke around with my friend. 
 
"So how did you like it?" Nikki asked.
 
"I have to say, I loved it but I gotta figure out a way to make more time 
for it."

So it seemed like nothing but good cheer and laughs, until we stepped into 
my room that is.
 
"I'll back off." 
 
Her voice, that tone, it broke my heart, mainly because it had this cold 
distant ring to it. Combine that with the grey overcast skies outside my 
window and you had the makings of a really overly dramatic moment. I 
even remember the exact way I paused as I set my gym bag down, my 
heart was pounding hard now, harder then the workout in class ever got it 
going. I turned around, playing dumb as Nikki reached for and gently 
closed the door to my room.
 
"Back off?" Was all I could mumble in response.
 
"That's right." Nikki began, her entire expression was somber yet amazingly 
calm, her eyes appeared focused and she simply stood there, as if rooted to the 
ground. Maybe her eyelids blinked once or twice but that was it, "I've felt it 
for sometime now, some hesitation on your part Corbin, with how affectionate 
I've become towards you. How distant you've become, you can tell me."
 
"Oh Nic" I sighed and took a couple steps towards her, I wanted so badly to 
reach out and hug her. Damn, I was a total bitch, so weak that I couldn't 
even sit down with Nikki and have an honest conversation with her about 
how I was feeling. I was devastated to have my arms pushed away, as if my touch 
was suddenly insulting to her!
 
"Nikki!" I gasped and just about balled right there, I could feel the emotions 
welling up inside of me as my lower lip trembled. 
 
"I can't Corbin, it's too painful." Aand I watched her turn to her left to sit 
down on Sharon's bed, folding her hands in her lap, obviously trying to collect 
herself.
 
"Oh, so maybe we could just shake hands, how about that?" I complained, 
but sort of regretted that snappy, sarcastic comment. Wonderful Nikki, she 
just smiled a little, but still wouldn't look up at me.
 
"Don't." her smile faded as she looked up, she was telling me with those dark 
eyes that she was about to bare her soul and now was no time to get nasty or 
angry with one another.
 
"I'm sorry." I frowned and looked away, placing my hands on my hips while 
I began to pace the floor with some agitation.
 
"I know what I want!" She suddenly stood up and took a step towards me, 
now that I didn't expect, it caught me off guard. No soft explanations, no 
philosophical roundabout discussions, she was getting in my face with her 
feelings. In no uncertain terms, she was saying she wanted ME! All of me!
 
"But I don't know what I want!" I snapped right back. Perhaps we were standing 
inches away from each other as things started to escalate. 'Shit, why this? Why 
now? Why can't everything be safe and peaceful, I mean it was only a few minutes 
ago we were laughing!'
 
"Say you want to be with me." Nikki said sternly and stepped in pressing 
the front of her body against mine, it sent shivers up my spine and helped 
to further spark another growing desire of mine, but one which would not 
manifest itself for a couple of more years.
 
"Don't do this Nic please..." I started to cry, "...I'm not ready."
 
"But you were ready to kiss me?" Nikki fired right back at me and she was 
ready to lay it all on the line now, god I felt like I was in over my head.
 
"You kissed me!" I snapped back with a bit of anger wanting to set the 
record straight.
 
"You returned my kiss! And don't you dare tell me it was JUST a kiss." 
Nikki's emotions were coming thru as a tear streaked from her left eye.
 
"You know it was more..." I mumbled and cried at the same time.
 
"Some bullshit experimental phase, then perhaps?" Nikki cocked her head 
with suspicion.
 
"I don't know Nic, I'm scarred okay...I just broke up with Dale and jumping 
into another serious relationship is not what I am ready for, especially with 
another girl!" I was stumbling thru my argument although I knew where Nikki was 
going with this.
 
"What does that matter Corbin, why can't I just be someone you want to 
be with?" Nikki lowered her voice and tilted her head off to her right, 
leaning in to my left cheek.
 
"Nikki, please, just...just give me some time..." I was pleading with her, 
but I didn't back away, I stood there because she knew I always caved into to 
her affectionate touches, but mentally I had already made my decision.
 
"No more time Corbin, I'm tired of waiting, there's nothing keeping us 
apart. Both you and I are free to pursue this."
 
"Nikki...look..." But her soft, velvety lips kissed my cheek and began doing a 
number on my body and mind! But it was no use, I wasn't ready for something like 
this, I was weak and honestly didn't want what I thought would be the 
responsibility of getting into another relationship. Not to mention what I might 
have to confront by going public with my relationship with Nikki.
 
"Think about it, why else would we both leave our boyfriends at almost the 
exact same time?" Nikki continued, daringly she wrapped her arms around 
my waist and I must admit she was doing a good job of confusing and 
seducing me. "We can do it together, I'll be with you every step of the way." 
Nikki whispered in my ear, "I'm scarred too Corbin."
 
"Oh Nikki I...I...I just need some time." I whined. My mind was spinning, 
but I knew what I wanted to focus on right now, and that was School and 
Sports. And there was Dale, he was still in the back of mind, it hadn't even 
been a week!
 
"Why do I sense Sharon is somehow in this mix?" Nikki suddenly asked as 
she leaned away, cupping my face with her hands.
 
"Sharon? What does she have to do with any of this?" I was stunned, why 
was she bringing Sharon up now? I knew the two didn't like one another 
but I was a little annoyed by the sudden insinuation.
 
"I know how she operates, she enjoys getting her hooks into everything 
and everyone's life." Nikki was intensely studying me scrutinizing my 
every move and expression. 
 
"Exactly what are you saying?" I was irritated now, defensive that she 
thought I was some pawn in a game of Sharon's.
 
"Are you blind Corbin?" Nikki shook her head while pinching her eyebrows 
together in frustration.
 
"No I'm not! And Sharon seems to be the only person that isn't pushing me 
to get physically intimate!" I was pissed off, and getting sick and tired of 
everyone trying to get me into bed, both men and women, while hacking 
away at my friendship with Sharon.
 
"I told you I would back off!" Nikki snapped angrily and took a step back 
so that we were no longer touching.
 
"Good, because honestly that's what I want, no more pressure other then 
School and sports!" It felt good to 'lay down my true feelings'.
 
"You want truth? Then open your eyes Corbin and start seeing Sharon for 
what she is!" Nikki stepped around to my left as she spoke. Her walking a 
sure sign that her emotions were rising again.
 
"What is your problem with her Nikki? Cause I'm getting tired of you 
bashing her all the time" I fired right back.
 
"SHE'S A RACIST, MANIPULATIVE, CONNIVING, LYING BITCH!" Nikki yelled 
as she jabbed her finger at Sharon's bed, spit flew off her wet lips as I 
detected a tremble in her legs. I have never seen her so angry and it 
really shook me, but damn, that was a bit harsh don't you think?
 
"What the fuck Nikki? You don't know Sharon!" 
 
"Oh yes I do, I hear how she talks about your other friends and you should 
hear what she has to say about Shelton when the two of you are hanging 
out together. It makes my skin crawl when she bashes him...and you 
should see how she operates in the Sorority, its sickening Corbin but NO, 
you don't want to see any of that. She has you so snowed!" Nikki did a 
quick pace back and forth between me and the door.
 
"I'm not blind, I know Sharon can be catty and manipulative..." I huffed.
 
"You have no idea" Nikki just shook her head with disgust and a coy smile 
formed on her lips like I was still so naive.
 
"Oh, and you do, you're so all knowing and all seeing, that you have this 
20/20 vision into everyone's soul." I sneered, just unable to believe that 
Nikki thought so little of my personal judgment.
 
"Well Corbin, regardless, you have to start making some decisions and 
quite your whining." Nikki stopped moving and pulled her gym bag from off 
the floor.
 
I wanted to yell a million obscenities at her, to tell Nic to fuck-off because 
her insults were killing me inside, but all I could muster was one simple 
question;

"Is that some ultimatum?"
 
"I can't be around someone like Sharon, it's too offensive. So you have a 
tough decision to make, actually it's a simple one if you could see a little 
more clearly." She turned, yanking the door open and then she was gone, 
never bothering to close it, maybe she thought I would chase after her, I 
really don't know.
 
"Nic?" I just mumbled her name once while standing there in my room, alone. I 
couldn't believe it, she was gone, that was it and I felt so numb that as I 
closed the door it was more like going thru some robotic motions. It didn't 
seem real, none of it, in fact I was more surprised that I was holding it 
together so well as I sat down on my bed, I guess I was in a state of total 
shock. I mean, what the hell? What is it with people and demanding so 
much of my time?
 
Oddly enough, I never had a breakdown over that argument, I mean it just 
seemed so unlike Nikki, so unreal that I kind of just set it aside in my 
mind. I guess I never really faced up to the fact that quite a few people were 
conspiring against me. Not in the classical sense, but let me put it this way, 
if opportunity presented itself there were many out there that would take 
advantage of a 'weak' moment and thus do me harm...emotionally, physically, 
psychologically, you just name it. 
 
I called her later that night and the conversation just went from bad to 
worse as we ended up yelling at each other and basically hanging up on 
one another. But I was furious, I said her speech that she gave me earlier 
in the day about 'Finding out who my REAL friends were,' was bullshit, 
'When she simply turned around and pressured me into a relationship, only 
to fire off an ultimatum when I asked her to back off, you call that being a 
REAL friend?'
 
She really didn't have an answer and broke down crying on the phone, 
telling me she wanted to give me 'all of her heart' and then I was missing 
the best opportunity of my life, throwing away everything cause I wasn't 
mature enough to handle a relationship, hence my breakup with Dale. By 
then I was also balling on the phone and yelling at her, that she had no 
idea what she was talking about! Or maybe she did, saying my exercise 
was not an 'outlet' but an 'escape' from making tough choices. Some other 
bad stuff was said, but I slammed the phone down first cause she walked 
out on our first argument first....something petty like that.
 
The coming weeks would prove to be awkward as I continued taking the 
Martial Arts class and attending Soccer training, so running into Nikki was 
frequent. We were cordial to one another but barely spoke...not much 
more I can add at this point, or want to add, except that 'life'...it's 
unpredictable sometimes.


  
My_College_Years_Part_28