My College Years Part 13

By Corbin

How life tests the endurance, patience, and sometimes faith of one young 
woman (Me!).

**********
 
I HAVE NO FREAKING CLUE WHAT I'M DOING!

I make grammar mistakes, spelling mistakes, I hate computers.

This Sucks! 

But I enjoy sharing all of this, besides the mostly enjoyable walk down 
memory lane is great. (Sometimes)

Anyway, I'm listening to the Rolling Stones as I type this, not their new 
stuff, the classical stuff, I don't know why but their older music really gets 
me into writing mode. I'm actually smirking as I just wrote that, "writing 
mode", that's funny, I still don't consider myself a writer. I just put down 
what I know.
 
Speaking of Music, I like all music that has a good beat to it, except your 
typical country cowshit-kicking boot-kicking riding-on-the-range bullshit. I 
mean really now, all those country music songs sound the fucking 
same. Guys singing about what!!? I'll tell you what, their woman 
left them, their horse has gone lame and their dog died WHAA WHAAA Cry 
me a river. And why do those guys wear those big hats? Cause their bald 
underneath, just suck it up and face facts, Rogaine didn't work for you so 
now you plop a giant hat on your head to cover of your baldness you are 
fooling NO ONE!!
 
So, I guess I should restate something, other then Country, I listen to Hip-
Hop, R&B, Classical, Metal, Alternative. Like I said the whole spectrum 
(Except country): Godsmack, POD, System of a Down, No Doubt, Mary J. 
Blige, Chili Peppers, Norah Jones, Josh Groban, Evanescence, Dido, Joss 
Stone, U2 just to name a few.  
 
I thought my friend Nikki would kill me when I threw out her Justin 
Timberlake CD, although I claimed I lost it. I think she knew I threw it out 
when I told her I borrowed it and then said I lost it, only to refuse and buy 
her a replacement. Timberlake PUUHHLLEASE, give me a break, what was 
she thinking, I did her a favor. I would have disowned her as a friend if I 
found a Brittany Spears or Christina CD in her pile. Those cheap-breast-
implanted no talent whores, I don't know what you guys see in them. Well 
other then your dicks I suppose. I guess I just answered my own 
question, yuck gross! How can you guys dream of sleeping with those girls and 
their revolving man-doors.
  
So, now that I have gotten all of the angst of my system for today...

**********
 
Walking into the nearly deserted gym after Christmas break, I instantly 
noticed I was not alone. Now this displeased me as it was my intention to 
head back to school a little early for some privacy and refocus on getting 
back into the 'swing of things'. The gym was not at all crowded, but two 
occupants where there; A black guy and a white guy, 'And boy do they 
seem to be in full juvenile mode' and proceeded to warm up on the furthest end 
of the weight room. 
 
Normally, I wouldn't start with the bench press, but it was as far from the 
two clowns as I could get. However, 'Loser #1' the white guy and 'Loser 
#2' the black guy, as I affectionately referred to them, had other plans-
"Hey little lady, mind if we cut in?" Loser #1 said and smiled over at his 
buddy 'Loser #2', as he made the comment, as if they were some comedy team. I 
was totally unable to fathom why both thought the "little-lady" comment was 
worthy of a chuckle. 'And why in the hell did they come all the way over here!', 
when I had purposely selected the machine furthest away from them. 
 
'Why?' was easy to answer from a man's perspective, their 'chick radar' 
had gone off instantly when I walked in. I already had become 
the focus of much male attention on Campus, but my focus on studies and 
athletics while keeping everyone at 'arms length' put me in the realm of 
'total snob' in most male eyes. Some guys, like the one's here in the gym 
took the 'go for broke' attitude, where they just would interject themselves 
hoping to strike up a conversation or something. The closer they got to 
me, the harder it was for either guy to take their eyes off of me, my toned 
muscular legs and arms looked so smooth and flawless and I had probably 
the best set of breasts on campus, 'assuming they are real' many guys 
would comment.
 
I brought my head up off the bench just long enough to say: "One more 
set" and did something I had never done before. My temper totally flared 
and I reached back with my right arm and yanked the pin out and 
slammed it into the very bottom weight. I was so flustered I couldn't recall 
how much it was and carefully repositioned myself under the bar, 'Please 
god, please don't let me make a fool out of myself' and with that, I poured 
every bit of hate, love, disappointment, anger, resentment into the press; 
My muscles slowly flexed, like a locomotive building up speed, and then 
amazingly the bar slowly lifted, I knew I was having to put everything I 
had into it, but even with shaking arms the bar went all the way up. 
Daringly, I tried to repeat the maneuver, my heart felt like it would burst, 
but not from pumping the weight, but for this moment of exhilaration to 
maybe shut these guys down. I managed to push up a fourth time when 
my body warned me it was about to expire and I slowly...gently, I set the 
bar down. My little stunt apparently had some effect, as the two buffoons 
stood silent during my reps and I took a deep breath as I slowly sat up, 
my body wet with perspiration. 'Loser #1' was standing closest by the 
machine and looked dumb struck when I stood, I was now eye-to-eye with 
him, my 5'10" frame was imposing and I simply said, "It's all yours big 
boy." with a coy smile that obviously caught the guy a little off guard.
 
That comment was totally out of character for me and I turned around and 
stood about five feet away placing my hands on my hips to watch. 'Loser 
#1' looked down at the weights, it was the moment I had been waiting for 
actually, it also bugged out my eyes a little when I saw the pin was 
inserted on the bottom weight and it read: 250lbs' and I actually staggered 
back a couple of steps in disbelief. 'It's not the same as bench pressing 
250lbs of free weights, but still...' I was impressed with myself.
 
Another smug look came over my face as it didn't look like he was going to 
be able to pull it off. 'Either he was about to make an ass of himself in 
trying to match me or admit he can't and move the pin' I quickly assessed. 
He shook his head and pulled the pin out looking over his shoulder to his 
friend, "That's got me beat."
 
"Damn girl! What kind of 'roids are you taking?" Loser #2 asked, in a tone 
that hinted a return of their prior smart-aleck attitude.
 
"It's called eating healthy and taking your vitamins, you guys might want 
to substitute that into your diet of beer and cigarettes." I just flipped the 
towel over my left shoulder and spun around on my toes, "Later guys!" I 
waved. But still, I was able to make out a few unflattering comments about 
my personality as I walked away even while I could feel they're eyes 
riveted to my ass, I wore baggy workout shorts, but still that didn't hinder 
guys from staring. 
 
For the first time since my night with Nikki several days ago, I was walking 
on cloud nine! Feeling totally exhilarated. My fast paced walk turned into a 
light jog as I was now practically running back to my dorm room with joy. 
Quickly I started to undress, and as I pulled off my shorts and top I stood 
in front of the mirror, my white silk panties were soaked with perspiration 
as was my bra. Looking at my sweating, toned body in the mirror, it was 
the first time I can remember in a long time coming off a workout and 
feeling so incredibly proud of my body and horny! 'Oh my god' I thought 
as I eyed myself, I was actually getting turned on by everything that had 
happened in the gym and how I looked in the mirror.
 
"To hell with it." I mumbled and peeled off my sweat soaked bra and 
panties, and laid back on my bed. Slowly my left hand moved over my 
sweaty, sticky chest, stopping briefly over my hard nipples before moving 
on as my finger tips felt the rolls of muscle along my abs sending a 
warming sensation thru my vagina. Slowly I closed my eyes and tilted my 
head back, I was surprised that it took no fantasy to increase my state of 
arousal, just the simple touches I gave myself as I explored my body. 
Finally, when I felt ready, I pulled my knees up and sticky vaginal lips 
parted as my right hand moved down to hold them open as my left 
forefinger gently began to graze over top of my extended clit. My well 
endowed chest heaved a few times as I sought to delay the building 
orgasm as my finger continued it's teasing, light touches over my labia and 
clit. Periodically I would bring my hand back up and pinch my nipples, 
which caused my hard body to begin a slow convulsion on the bed. My 
first orgasm was nothing more then an intense shiver, my second elicited 
an audible moan from my throat, and I sped up the strokes and pressure 
on my clit as I allowed myself to moan until I had to roll my head over and 
bite back a scream into my pillow, my whole body beginning a squirming 
and thrashing dance on the bed. Finally, I pulled my finger away from my 
overly sensitive clit as I let the pillow case free from my jaws, my eyes still 
closed as I rolled my head back around, gasping for air. Feeling naughty, I 
brought my fingers up to my lips and tasted myself, it was mixed with my 
sweat and had distinct taste and odor, when my tongue came out to lick at 
my fingertips some more, I actually felt a little ashamed, but sexually 
satisfied at the same time. 
 
Totally sated (and trust me I was:) only my eyes moved as I blinked, 
concentrating only on the sound of my breathing and the wonderful 
intensity that I had just experienced. I remained naked on top of my 
sheets as I listened to the voices of only a handful of students outside in the 
hall, when unexpectedly my eyes welled up with tears. Only a couple of 
tears escaped, but it suddenly dawned on my that a really great day of my 
life had just come to a close and night was beginning to fall and here I was, 
all alone. 'No boyfriend, no friends...well save for Nikki', I didn't even know 
where things with Sharon stood anymore, "My best friend?" I whimpered 
slightly, feeling a wave of sadness and resentment at the distance that had 
grown between us. It seemed that exercise and studying were the only two 
things left that I had and of course my family that cared for me deeply. It 
surprised me that I actually included the lack of a boyfriend amongst my 
list of longings when I had purposively rejected attempts by many guys 
over the past few months. "How odd" I said, my voice barely audible as if 
came from deep within my throat.
 
**********
 
My run-ins with Sharon were getting less and less now, we would talk and 
have lunch, but it wasn't the same. Sharon was a full blown Sister at the 
Sorority now and was organizing trips and events, the more Sharon got 
sucked into School life, the more I resisted, as if hoping I could pull Sharon 
back to me. And we each laid blamed at the other's feet for our failing 
relationship; I blamed the Sorority, while Sharon privately pointed fingers 
at Nikki as pulling me away from her. But we never really talked about it, 
as if we knew the argument might doom our friendship forever.
 
Yet, I made an unusual confession to Nikki one day;
"I think I am suffering from a full blown depression." I said solemnly as we 
sat outside in the Student Common Area. Nikki didn't say a word but gently 
laid her left hand on my right wrist, just letting me know she heard me and 
was there to listen. Nikki was not the kind of person to say something just 
for the sake of talking. Finally, Nikki turned a little more towards me and 
spoke, "Look, I know your friendship with Sharon is stressing you out, but 
you know it's only been a few months, you two will probably be here for 
awhile. And look at what you've accomplished since being at Duke, you 
excel at soccer. Hell Corbin, you excel at all sports like no other girl I've 
ever seen, your academically making straight A's. But if you want to talk about 
what's bothering you, well, that's fine too. However, I want to help you 
focus on all the positive accomplishments you've made here."
 
I smiled and looked over at Nikki, "Thanks, just hearing that helps allot. A 
little reminder, now and again, seems to help", but on the inside, a little 
deeper I could feel some type of turmoil building. As we got up to leave, Nikki 
hesitated and pulled me aside, "Look, I need to talk to you about something, but 
you have to promise me that you will not repeat what I am about to tell you, 
understand?" Nikki urgently said. I froze; the gravity of the comment caused me 
to become rooted to the cement sidewalk, "What is it?" I leaned in and asked in 
my quietest voice.
 
Nikki smiled a little when she saw the effect it was having and touched my 
left forearm reassuringly, "I'm sorry, I don't mean to be dramatic. It's just 
that, I was sworn to secrecy and telling you would mean breaking a 
promise."
 
"Come on, come on, you're killing me here." I nervously smiled.
 
"Well, every new freshmen on the Soccer team goes through a...hmmm." 
Nikki seemed to tense and bite her lower lip while searching for the right 
words.
 
"Through what?" I leaned in some more, intensely studying her face for some 
information.
 
"A type of initiation ceremony." Nikki paused and looked into my eyes for 
some initial reaction.
 
"Why kind of initiation ceremony?" I leaned back as my eyes did in fact 
narrow with suspicion.
 
"It could be any number of things, kind of like a right-of-passage, it's very 
harmless." her voice steady and her gaze even, but she could tell I was 
getting irritated.
 
"You mean a HAZING ritual!" I face turned grave, serious and even a bit 
angry.
 
Nikki wasn't going to refute that reference, for in fact that's exactly what it 
was. "You've been in sports before Corbin, haven't you ever been thru something 
like this back in High School?"
 
"No." I said firmly.
 
"But I know, YOU know, what I am talking about, right?" 
 
"Yes." I replied, "Look Nikki, what the hell is this all about? Could you give 
me a few details?" 
 
"You came into the season a little later then the other girls on the team. 
They've already been thru it..."
 
"Did you go thru 'it'?" I returned Nikki's hard stare.
 
"Yes" Nikki said calmly, "It's not bad at all."
 
"But it's degrading...and humiliating...right?" I raised my left eyebrow 
knowingly and Nikki just stood in silence and watched. Nikki's lips pressed 
together and closed as if to think, and then she opened her eyes when she 
was ready to respond; "Yes".
 
I appeared calm at first, I took a deep breath as if contemplating the whole 
thing and then brought my left hand up, pointing past Nikki's right shoulder 
in the direction of the Soccer field; "All I want to do is play soccer and if 
any of those idiots even lay a finger on me, things will get pretty ugly and 
they'll be the ones on the receiving end of UGLY."
 
Nikki watched me suddenly turn around and walk in the direction of my 
dorm. I knew Nikki was trailing behind me and that was okay. I flipped on 
the light switch to my room and sat down on the edge of my bed, slowly 
stretching my legs out in front as my body leaned back until my shoulders 
touched the wall.
 
Nikki sat down on Sharon's bed and silently watched and waited, "What?" 
Nikki asked softly, when I opened my eyes finally.
 
"I was just thinking..." My eyes fluttered and then fully opened, "...it would 
be nice to have your outlook on things...life...people...you never seem to get 
stressed."
 
Nikki smiled and bowed her head in thought, her long straight hair hung 
down, swaying like black rain that would never touch the ground. Nikki 
knew exactly of what I spoke of, she was deeply involved in Yoga, Martial 
Arts, and spent hours studying various meditation techniques. With a quick 
jerk upright, her head came around flipping her hair up and over her right 
shoulder, "Oh, you handle things very well Corbin, in fact, you seem to 
have your own calm, determined exterior..."
 
"Even if things are boiling over on the inside?" I smiled and leaned 
forward, quickly interjecting that comment.
 
"Things boil over for everyone on the inside, some just deal with it 
differently on the outside then others." Nikki smiled knowingly.
 
"So what's boiling over inside of you?" I raised a suspicious eyebrow, not 
really looking for an answer as much as trying to call Nikki's bluff, I 
suspected that Nikki wanted to become more physical with me and a part 
of me wanted that as well, but was scared to breach the subject...but every 
once in awhile I wondered and fantasized. Still, it was hard for me to 
imagine what Nikki was going thru, the way she seemed to exude such 
calm, easy going charm. And then there was dead silence...Nikki just sat 
staring with the faintest of smiles.

"I'm falling in love with someone." and she slowly blinked her eyes once, 
letting a deep sigh out of her chest. 
 
"Wow." I sighed with a smile and leaned forward some more "Have you told 
Rob?" Rob being Nikki's current boyfriend.
 
"No." Nikki smiled some more.
 
"Why? Not the right time? You think he won't return you're feelings 
maybe!" I had this inquisitive look on my face; I was genuinely interested 
in what was going on with her.
 
"Rob is not the person I am falling for." Nikki said in her usual quiet, calm 
voice. However, the implications of her statement were unsettling. And I 
sat confused, not because I didn't understand the potential of everything 
that Nikki was implying, but my lack of relationship experience left me 
stumped.
 
"Oh, I didn't know you were seeing someone else Nikki." I began to fidget 
some. I didn't think that Nikki had kept such a big secret from me, but the 
more I thought about it the more I realized that was just how Nikki was, 
very secretive at times.
 
"I'm not seeing someone else, well...not really..." Nikki smiled, but I 
detected some knowingness behind that smile as if there was a little secret 
my friend was not letting me in on.
 
"Will you tell me who it is, or do you not feel comfortable right now?" I 
glanced away, not wanting to pry, but I did want Nikki to confide in me.
 
"I am telling you." Nikki smiled even more at my bashfulness in asking, 
even more amusing was the way I blushed right after she said that.
 
"So," I sighed and flipped a lock of blonde hair over her left shoulder, 
"does this 'other' guy know anything? Does Rob suspect anything?" 
 
"No, Rob doesn't suspect anything. And 'She' doesn't know anything 
either." Nikki sat, studying my face, evaluating my body language and 
facial expressions, It took a few seconds to register.
 
*Aghem* I cleared my throat and blinked off into space before looking 
over at Nikki, "Wait, you used the word 'She', right?" My lips betrayed a 
nervous smile and was sure Nic could tell that my cheeks were trembling a 
bit.
 
Nikki gave a half-hearted smile, the first sign that there was real trouble 
brewing behind her calm exterior, I even watched the muscles along 
Nikki's neck constrict as she swallowed hard before speaking;
"Yes, I am falling in love with another woman." Nikki's smile faded and her 
expression was now serious as her head tilted a little to her left and I could 
see my reaction was being waited upon. 
 
"Oh my gosh." I slightly gushed with a nervous smile and propped my left 
elbow onto my left knee, cradling my cheek into my palm. My hand then 
moved from my cheek as fingers plowed thru lengths of blonde hair, "I'm 
sorry, I don't know what to say, that's incredible, I mean...well...who is 
She?!" I laughed and leaned forward, wrapping my arms around my knees 
in a protective ball. But the laugh was short lived as I looked back down to 
the floor, afraid of looking at Nikki as well as the answer she might be about 
to reveal.
 
"I don't want to say right now." Nikki smiled.
 
"Does she know?" I smiled and glanced up quickly before looking away.
 
"No, but She needs to get a clue." Nikki sighed and lowered her head maybe 
not even an inch, her eyes turning into dark pools reflecting back at me 
with all trace of humor gone. 
 
I felt my face become flushed as I stared, realizing that our verbal banter 
had come to an end, and now the reality of what Nikki was implying 
suddenly crashed down on me. "Nic?" I pleaded, my body now burning up 
as I pulled on my knees with greater anxiety. I watched Nikki slowly stand 
and walk towards me, I felt like some little girl cowering on the edge of my 
bed, watching my friend approach and sit down next to me.
 
"Shhhhhhhh..." Nikki whispered and stroked my hair back, pulling me 
close. I wasn't sure how it all made me feel, maybe because I had yet to 
fully experience anything as intense as being 'In-Love' with someone, or so 
I suspected as much. I took a deep breath and exhaled with a sigh, my 
arms went limp while my elbows remained resting on my knees, I 
remained in a semi-hunched position on the edge of the bed but leaning 
into Nikki, it felt good. 
 
"I just wanted to tell you, I care for you Corbin...more then I have ever 
cared for anyone."
 
"I care for you too." I whispered as I remained curled into a ball, leaning 
against my black haired friend who continued giving comfort.
 
"Don't worry, this is just between us, okay?" Nikki sighed.
 
Slowly I untangled myself and went to stand up, it was getting late and 
Nikki followed my lead, moving towards the door as we went to say our 
goodbyes. I stood waiting by the door and stretched my arms up over my 
head and yawned letting out a deep groan, accompanied by a flash of 
quick smile.
 
"What?" Nikki glanced over suspiciously, wondering why I had suddenly 
smiled.
 
"You...that's what, this is messing with my mind something awful." I took my 
right index finger and firmly jabbed it into the right side of my head 
repeatedly. Slowly I walked over to the door while Nikki simply stood, her 
eyes staring, I felt like she was always studying me...trying to take in as 
much as she could.
 
"What are YOU staring at?" I sighed with a knowing smile as I leaned my 
left shoulder against the frame of the door while folding my arms over my 
chest. Nikki mimicked my stance and folded her arms across her chest 
letting her own right shoulder lean into the door. Nikki said nothing, but 
simply stared, perhaps trying to restrain a slight smile. I blushed a little 
and stuck my right hand out playfully pushing on Nikki's left shoulder 
forcing her to take a step back. When I withdrew my hand, Nikki's left 
hand flew out and grabbed my wrist...firmly, indicating she wasn't going to 
let go easily.
 
"You want something?" I whispered out my question and just then Nikki's 
grip softened, moving up to my hand as our fingers interlaced with one 
another.
 
"Yes, I do." Nikki whispered back.
 
I sighed nervously and closed my eyes, maybe pretending the moment 
wasn't happening or perhaps savoring the sensation. 'The latter most 
definitely.' Realizing how much I had missed my friend's touch. 
I smiled and opened my eyes shocked that our faces were now so close 
together, "Oh Nikki." I almost cried as my expression became emotional 
again.
 
"Corbin." Nikki moaned and leaned forward pressing her lips into mine, it 
was a gentle kiss this time, but one that seemed to suddenly explode 
passionately as we kissed and sucked on one another's lips. Hands cradled 
and touched faces, necks, hair as her mouth seemed like it was trying to 
consume my own and vice versa, before our tongues snaked out as if 
engaging in a frantic wrestling match. I started leaning into her as we 
embraced, my knees starting to shake with anxiety. The kiss slowed and I 
blushed as I pulled away; "What?" Nikki asked following my retreating lips, 
taunting me with kisses and a swipe of her tongue.
 
"I love you too." I smiled and looked up, the glistening my eyes in my must 
have surely melted Nikki's heart.
 
"Oh Corbin." Nikki gushed and cradled my face, "Thank you for saying 
that." although lover's only in the spiritual sense, I could tell Nikki had 
started to want more...much more...something more physical.
 
"I just want to hold you a little bit." Nikki whispered with a blush as she led 
me back to my own bed. Our bare legs, exposed by our soccer shorts, 
crossed and uncrossed over one another as we tried to keep everything 
very innocent and above the covers. I admitted that I still wasn't 
comfortable with being in a relationship with Nikki, something that Nikki 
herself admitted to being uncomfortable with also. Nikki had a boyfriend 
still and wasn't ready to give up guys altogether and I was still interested 
in finding a boyfriend, even if I was picky beyond compare.
 
"Anyway..." I closed my eyes and shook my head in despair, "...as far as 
that other thing, with the initiation from the Soccer Team, I'll just deal with 
it the best I can I know it's an important ritual..." I rolled my eyes at how I 
found the whole thing idiotic, "...so I'll do it for-the-team." I said with a 
humorous sigh. 
 
Nikki sat up and wrapped her arms about my broad shoulders and hugged 
firmly, "You will do just fine, I know it's not your thing, but to some of 
these girl's it's a right of passage that has been handed down for years."
 
"Just nothing over the top I hope." I looked up
 
"It'll be fine." Nikki smiled and was suddenly surprised to feel her head tilt 
toward me, finally coming to rest on my right shoulder as I returned her 
hug. I smiled, that maybe things will work out for the best.
 
 


  
My_College_Years_Part_13