High School 03
By Corbin
How life tests the endurance, patience, and sometimes faith of one young woman.

*********

I think I was destined to do physical labor from the moment I learned to walk, 
my parents engaged in a constant struggle over this issue.
 
It all started when I would try to help my dad push the lawnmower around the 
yard when only a toddler, pretty soon that would come back to haunt me. At about 
the age of eleven I was out pushing that crappy lawn mower around the freaking 
yard. I swear every rusty wheel fought me every inch of the way, I cursed the 
grass...that stinky lawnmower, but it was good therapy as I felt like I was 
exercising every personal demon I had as I chopped/hacked/butchered those little 
blades of grass. I think I even got an evil grin on my face as I watched those 
little blades of grass fly out the side of that joke of a lawnmower.
 
One time I set the blade so low that it damn near got cut down to the dirt...you 
should have seen my dad running out of the house, yelling, boy was he pissed! I 
just shrugged and waived my arms out to my side playing dumb;
'What?' I would say innocently.
'You know what!' he snapped.
But no matter, that grass kept growing.
 
This was also about the time when guys started to notice me...you see I was 
taller then most of my friends so older guys in the neighborhood driving by 
would stop to talk to me while mowing. That is until I told them my age...and if 
that wasn't a deterrent, well my Dad would step out onto the front porch. Not 
to mention that it freaked me out a little...I'm used to the boy down the 
street wheeling up on his bicycle....not some guy pulling up in a car, who is a 
whole school ahead of me!
 
(And do you guys get jealous...and I'm not even your girlfriend! As soon as one 
guy would leave, the next would be like 'Who was that? Who was that? What did 
he want?'..........He wanted to help me cut the grass...Duh!!! What do you 
think?)
 
Rolling-up while I'm cutting the grass annoys the heck out of me, why? Because 
'I'M CUTTING THE GRASS!!! I'M BUSY!!!'
I smell like grass, gasoline and I'm all sweaty and yucky. But they would just 
pull their car up to the curb and get out;

"Hey Corbin, what's up? Haven't talked to you in a long time!" There eyes all 
big and gawking.
 
'What's up? I'll tell you what's up, I'M CUTTING THE GRASS MORON!' Is what I 
would think while I just smiled to there chit-chat about their car...going to 
the movies or whatever. The other problem is that if I stopped that piece of 
junk lawnmower, it took like fifteen pulls to get it going again. My dad just 
smiled at me while I mumbled my complaints. He would just tell me to 'figure it 
out', so I did and had him take me to the store to get a new spark plug, filter 
and I figured out how to do it all by myself, even if it took me most of the 
afternoon. Sitting out there in the hot sun...frying my brain, sweating, burning 
my fingertips on that stupid sparkplug. My mother was infuriated, grabbing my 
hands and telling my Dad to "LOOK" at what cutting the grass is doing to my 
fingernails. She would spend half the night undoing the damage cutting the grass 
was doing to my hands.
 
But I was like clock work, every Saturday morning you would find me cutting the 
grass and the guys figured that out really quick. I never was able to finish 
cutting that yard from start to finish without someone pulling up to chat. And 
then, well...obviously the wrong guy stopped by one day because the following 
weekend a car wheels up and some girl I had only seen casually from school comes 
storming up my front yard yelling at me. (You ditz brain, I can't hear you 
because):
A: Your way down by the street, and
B: The muffler on this shitty lawnmower is rusted out.
 
So I turn it off and stand there while she chews me out to the effect of:
"Don't you talk to Billy ever again bitch or I'll knock your block off!" It was 
pretty damn close to that as she was getting closer to me...invading my personal 
space, but before I could answer she snaps: "You understand me!" And jabs her 
finger right up close to my nose. (Can't I just cut the grass in peace?)
 
"Uhm, Okay" I say. That was my first, but not last threat to stay away from 
some girl's guy. But I'm just cutting the grass! They are stopping by MY 
house, coming onto MY yard and talking to ME! Gheesh...then I would have to 
listen to some crap about some girl threatening to beat my ass because the guy 
she likes is talking to ME.
 
But after I beat the snot out of some girl in the gym one day...no girl ever 
threatened me again. (Oh, that little story is coming up.)

**********
 
Later that evening as I was shutting down my computer, I found myself just 
staring at the monitor, watching the screen grow dim before slowly opening my 
desk drawer for probably the tenth time that night. From the drawer, I withdrew 
the crumpled up piece of paper that Sharon had given me, my hands lowering to my 
lap as I replayed everything that happened earlier in the day. 'This is 
ridiculous' I tried to shut it out of my mind, not that I truly wanted to, but 
every time I thought about what happened, it took every bit of self control to 
fight off those conflicting thoughts.
 
'What the fuck is wrong with you?' I shook my head with despair and perhaps a 
little disgust that I would even consider a simple hug as being something 
'pleasurable' and not in the consoling sense of the word. Clutching my fists 
tightly as I rocked forward in my chair as if trying to tense every muscle in my 
body. But a knock on my door sent my entire body jerking upright, and 
suddenly as if someone had opened a drain plug, all of my swirling thoughts were 
suddenly sucked from my mind and body, back into the recess of my subconscious;
 
"Yes?" My voice cracking and coming out somewhat meek.
 
My mom leaned into the room, "Corbin, it's getting late. You okay?" Looking at 
me, I know I looked somewhat panicked, maybe even had a third eye growing on my 
forehead from her concerned expression.
 
"Yeah...*aghm*...YES mom, I'm fine, just a few more minutes." All of my 
defenses came up, and like most teenagers I needed those defenses to maintain 
some amount of control in my life...and some privacy, the constant struggle for 
privacy as I fought to figure out just where in this crazy life I fit in.
 
"All right, but you know you have a hard time getting up in the morning if you 
don't get to bed early."

"Yes mom! I know!" I answered impatiently, not meaning to get snippy but I was 
really stressed about this phone call and not to mention my parents insisting 
questions and worries.
 
"Okay...okay, Goodnight" My mom smiled.
 
"Goodnight." I smiled as my mom quietly closed the door but hesitated to leave. 
I was an only child and while I know my mom felt guilt for being constantly 
nosey, she also felt relief in the same breath because it eased her mind to 
check in on me frequently, where as my dad would just stick a sports jersey on 
my head and tell me to 'go to it!' pushing me onto some field to play field 
hockey...or soccer...or whatever.
 
Blinking in disbelief, I looked down at Sharon's phone number as I simply shook 
my head, "Girl, you are trouble I don't need." And quickly balled up the paper 
aiming for the trash can, but stopped short of the throw. Letting out a deep 
sigh I unfolded the paper, yet again, and swiveled in my chair to stare at the 
phone next to my bedside table.
 
Shutting off the desk lamp I turned and slowly crawled onto my bed and stretched 
out over my covers pulling the phone in close. Lying on my stomach, I rested my 
head on my outstretched right arm, thinking...contemplating. My ankles began to 
do that nervous crisscross a few times, thinking maybe it was too late or if I 
should even take Sharon's request seriously, looking for a possible way out of 
the call. "It's too late, not a good idea, besides we have nothing in common!" I 
kept doubting, but I just stared at the receiver. Besides, I knew that making 
this phone call would be crossing every major social 'no-no' there was in the 
unwritten rulebook of our School. It felt dangerous and that excited me, 
beckoning me to choose the lesser-traveled path, 'Like crossing a phantom 
picket line and going over to the other side' I thought with a smile, looking 
over I was surprised to find my hand now resting on the receiver, and still I 
stared, and stared...and...
 
...and then I was calling the number...holding my breath as I heard her click 
over...
 
"Hello?" Sharon said in what sounded like a somewhat impatient tone, I almost 
hung up, she sounded pissed and I hadn't even spoken yet!
 
"Hey Sharon, it's me, uhm, Corbin?" I sounded pathetic, I wasn't even sure 
of my own name. It took a second for Sharon to respond and I wondered if she had 
forgotten who I was, oh well, I tried.
 
"Hey! How...how...how are you?" She suddenly blurted out...her entire tone 
changing, 'Whew' the relief I felt was incredible.
 
"You sound in a good mood." I smiled to myself, glad that I didn't wake her up. 
"Sorry for calling....."
 
"Can you hold on a sec? I have to get off the other line!" Sharon clicked over 
before I could even respond.
 
"Ok, sorry." I heard her say.
 
"That's ok, anyway, sorry for calling so late." I rolled onto my back and 
twirled the phone cord in my fingers.
 
"No it's fine, just up chatting and stuff, you know. So what's up?"
 
"Oh, just working on a paper for tomorrow, last minute thing, but I got it 
finished. And I wanted to call...and..." Oh no, my mind is drawing a blank...I 
suck at chit chat...this will never work. I am now starting to panic...I am 
totally out of Sharon's class...

"It's okay Corbin...I know, things at school make it, well kind of tough." 
Sharon said. She was so sweet to me on the phone and seemed to totally 
understand what I was trying to say.
 
"Yeah, real tough." I sighed again, "I never realized how hard it would be 
until you actually try, you know."
 
"I wouldn't have given you my phone number if I didn't mean it. And besides, 
we don't bite and were not stupid!" Sharon just laughed, "No matter what those 
assholes say. Sorry, I know some of those assholes are your friends."
 
"No, it's okay Sharon, some of them are real jerks. And you know what?"
 
"What?"
 
"I know you're not stupid." I said sincerely, and I don't know how...but I 
could just tell she was smiling on the other end of the line. Neither of us 
spoke of what happened in the locker room earlier that day, our conversation was 
going too well and everything felt too 'normal' at the moment. In reality, I 
did most of the listening, but I didn't mind, Sharon made me laugh with all her 
bitchy gossip and it was easy to get caught up in the positive energy Sharon 
radiated. Or maybe I should say spastic energy.
 
**********
 
The next day would prove to be anything but easy, as I glanced over and caught 
site of Sharon walking by. My heart just about leapt out of my chest as my hand 
came up with a wave, but my look conveyed hesitation and my wave was barely one 
of acknowledgment. I could feel my friends watching me, judging my every move. 
It was a sickening feeling to do that to Sharon as I watched the girl's smile 
slowly fade from across the hall. Sharon just stood there for a moment, 
dumbfounded as I just went back to chatting with my friends, like she almost 
wasn't there. It had to be one of the worst feelings I could ever recall, and 
to top if off, a couple of the girls in my group shot Sharon some ugly looks.
 
I watched her turn away, make a detour down another hallway to her next 
Class. I had to fight the urge to chase after her and apologize.
 
"Did that girl just wave at you?" Jenn asked, looking over at me with an 
expression of shock.
 
"God, I hear she's a real bitch." Vera chimed in.
 
I painfully twitched with every cutting remark and my hands clutched my books 
closely to my chest in shame for not walking up and talking to Sharon, for being 
so fucking weak. 'Shit' I thought to myself, hoping they wouldn't ask anymore 
questions.
 
"What was that all about?" Jenn persisted, much to my fear.
 
"Oh, I don't know, I've maybe talked to her a couple of times in passing." I 
shrugged, hoping that would be the end of it. But Vera stepped in close and 
tugged on my arm, causing me to stiffen, "I'm saying this as a friend Corbin, 
don't get mixed up with her, or any of her friends. They are some of the 
most manipulative girls in the school and not to be trusted." Vera released her 
grip and looked over her shoulder cautiously as if to make sure no one heard 
her.
 
I nodded and looked down at the ground, "Yeah, I know, don't worry." I sighed, 
I knew Vera meant well. Almost purposefully, Sharon and I avoided one another 
over the next couple of days, as if we suddenly didn't know how to navigate past 
all the bullshit our friends were throwing our way. By the start of Thursday I 
guess we both were resigned to the fact that School 'clicks' did in fact rule 
and I wasn't going to risk ridicule to talk with or be her friend and/or vice-
versa. I guess I should just be thankful to have known her for a few brief 
minutes that day and our phone conversation was wonderful. Shit, this is stupid 
it's not like someone died or anything...and then fate stepped in as I like to 
think, I saw Sharon standing at her locker and no one else was around.
 
"Hey!" I called out. I smiled as Sharon almost dropped a book in surprise. 
Turning her head I think she was genuinely shocked to see me standing there, and 
then I moved over to her left to lean against the lockers, cradling my own 
books to my chest. I tried to maintain this casual smile on my face as my head 
leaned against the metal lockers. I was actually amused at how differently we 
dressed, Sharon in her short, tight floral skirt and deep frontal v-cut, 
sleeveless cotton shirt and a pair of elegant sandals wrapped around a pair of 
the most perfectly manicured feet and toes I had ever seen. Not to mention her 
hair which always looked like I just came out of a salon. In comparison, I felt 
all frumpy in my baggy tan shorts and grey t-shirt wearing my old running shoes. 
My shoulder length blonde hair just hung loose, I was always brushing it out of 
my face, very annoying.
 
For a split second I thought I saw that familiar beautiful smile and eyes light 
up her face, but then *poof* gone, quickly replaced with a sadness over I guess 
the way I snubbed her earlier in the week. "Oh, hey...what's up?" Sharon 
somberly replied and I was shocked as she turned back to her locker and 
continued fumbling thru her papers, but in a bit more of an agitated manner."

You okay?" I knew exactly why Sharon was acting this way, but found myself 
unable to articulate the right peace offering.
 
"Just fine, why?" Sharon was playing me off and tossed her backpack over her 
shoulder. I was speechless and frustrated, I didn't have a clue where to begin.

"Okay well, I better be getting to class. I just wanted to say 'Hi' Sharon, I 
guess I'll be seeing you around?" Now I was frowning as I pushed off from the 
lockers and slowly started to walk away. She never called or came after me, I 
mean, what's up with this? I didn't fully understand why it upset me so much. 
'You really fucked that up.' I told myself, 'You could have at least 
apologized.' as I slipped further into a state of depression while slowly 
walking down the hall to my next class.
 
'Same old shit' I continued to chastise myself, 'Stupid, tongue-tied idiot 
that you are.' and a deep painful sigh came from my chest, resigned to the fact 
that this is just how things are.
 
*********
 
Thank you god!
 
Fate was determined to bring us together before that dreadful day was over with. 
I almost stumbled down the track while running laps when I spotted her. She 
appeared to have just finished her Cheerleading practice, but was lingering 
around on the field, glancing over my way and that's when I felt another 
opportunity to make things right. For some reason it made me nervous...even 
scarred. 'Your just trying to be friendly, why all the anxiety?' I wondered, 
not even the explanation of the school peer pressure seemed to explain away the 
nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach. I glanced over at Sharon a couple of 
times and she returned my look, we exchanged awkward glances until finally I 
slowly steered myself towards her direction. 'Make an effort' I told myself, 
nervously glancing around to see if anyone was looking in our direction.
 
Sharon had begun to nervously fidget and squatted down to untie and tie her 
shoelaces, trying to look busy as my heart raced faster with every step that 
brought me closer to her. 'Think I'm going to be sick.' I thought rubbing my 
stomach and took a deep breath upon my final approach, only a few feet away now.
 
"You want some company?" I finally asked, nervously running my hands thru my 
sweat soaked hair.
 
"Sure, if you like." Sharon simply said and she appeared to try and act 
nonchalant about the whole thing. Damn she's going to make me work for this...
Slowly I sat down on the grass opposite her and stretched out my legs, it felt 
good and I started to massage a tender muscle in my right thigh. I caught Sharon 
watching my fingers kneed my tired muscles before quickly glancing away. I 
don't know why but I just smiled at that, I think it was just innocent 
admiration of my muscles, I guess, I was naive then...still am I guess.
  
"Aren't you afraid you going to be seen talking to me?" Sharon decided to jump 
right into the issue that hurt her the most, but kept looking down at the laces 
of her shoes. 

It caught me a little off guard, but I took a deep breath. "I don't care about 
that, well, at least not anymore and I'm sorry for being such a wimp that day 
when you said 'hello'." I stopped working my muscles and frantically plucked 
several blades of grass around my outstretched legs while staring down. And then 
something happened that further caused my mind to spin out of control, Sharon 
had pulled her left knee up to her chest, flashing me with her bikini briefs 
from under her Cheer skirt. I just gulped and caught myself staring, but looked 
away in shame for staring at her, well, lets be honest here, I was looking at 
her briefs! Oh Lord help me, this is not appropriate!
 
"You're not a wimp!" Sharon said. I guess she was thinking about how I had taken 
a stand against Taylor and Janet. Hearing Sharon jump to my defense like that 
made me suddenly look up and my hands froze in the grass. Sharon was just 
sitting there, meeting my gaze head-on as we locked eyes with one another for 
what felt like the first time in a long while.
 
"I know what you're thinking Sharon, but standing up to those two idiots was 
easy or so it seemed. Also, you didn't look like you were ready to back down, 
you were just out numbered, that's all. I guess I'm really talking about how I 
caved into pressure...from my friends...you know?" I seemed lost in thought and 
gently shrugged my broad shoulders before looking down again.
 
"What is it? Tell me." Sharon asked.
 
"Seems like you put up with allot more shit then I do in this school, so in one 
aspect you're the brave one I guess. You even waved and said hello that day I 
blew you off." Sharon seemed to smile at that memory, now that things were 
looking better between us. "But Sharon..." And then I couldn't keep my look from 
turning serious, even sad. I could tell it was tearing Sharon up to hear this 
and the sudden 'grave' look on my face made her swallow hard. Jesus I'll never 
forget that look of pure empathy she gave me. I didn't finish my sentence right 
away, but stopped abruptly and quickly looked away as I was a little caught off 
guard by my own emotions. Sharon just watched compassionately as I struggled to 
speak, I only had one way out and that was to just come out and say it;
"I promise, that if you give me another chance, I'll be the best friend you 
ever had." Well, that did me in, my voice cracked as my right hand came up to 
wipe some tears from under my eyes. Initially I tried to mask them by continuing 
to wipe the sweat from under my chin and forehead but it was too obvious.
 
When I finally turned and placed my right hand back into the soft grass I felt 
something that totally blew me away. Sharon had taken the opportunity to lean in 
and discreetly touch my right hand with her left. It was the best feeling I 
could ever recall, she was still silent and now smiling at me as I saw some 
tears running down her own cheeks. Not that anyone was paying particular 
attention, but in this place the windows have eyes and while we gently held 
hands in that grassy field it seemed to take some amount of effort to maintain 
a little discretion. 

"Corbin, that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. I'd like that, more 
then anything in the world, but please don't be so hard on yourself, allot of 
the crap you've been hearing and dealing with is my own doing." Sharon's big 
blue eyes turned soft and emotional as her lips even betrayed a tremble.
 
'There it was again' I thought, me giving Sharon a look that I would normally 
never give another girl and that alone scarred me. But the gaze Sharon gave back 
seemed to have an equal amount of longing, but I was no mind reader and didn't 
dare carry these thoughts a step further; 'For all I know, Sharon's being 
nothing more then a caring friend, you're the one that's probably reading way 
too much into this.' I told myself and snapped out of my funk.
 
"I know I'm being kind, but..." I blinked my eyes, trying to flush out 
the faint trace of a tear, "...I guess I'm just so damn disappointed in 
myself." And that's as far as I got, the bell suddenly rang for last class and 
our hands slowly withdrew as the activity of voices and class doors opening drew 
us out of our private moment.
 
"Uh oh," Sharon smiled and looked over at the building, then back to me, "You 
sure you want to be seen walking with me back to the gym!" She said with a 
teasing, flirtatious look. I shook my head with a faint smile "I think I can 
handle it."
 
"By the way..." Sharon smiled, looking to me from where she was walking on my 
left, "...while I appreciate that comment about 'me' putting up with allot of 
shit in this school, I do know that I am the cause of allot of it".
 
"Well, that's true" I smiled and continued to look at the ground.
 
"Why you!" Sharon chuckled and gave me a playful but firm shove on my left 
shoulder.
 
 



  
High_School_03