College

8

Corbin

*********

I came across my favorite quote today...I don't recall where I first saw it, but 
I love it:
 
"Far better it is, to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though 
checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy 
much nor suffer much, because they live in that great twilight that knows 
neither victory or defeat." -Teddy Roosevelt

*********

It's gym day!

I was sitting on my workout bench (well it's not mine, but anyway, you 
know what I mean) when I observe the three stooges in the corner of the 
weight room and they are all high five's to each other, being loud and very 
gay. Well, they are actually tying to act macho and such, but it really comes 
off as being gay, so fella's tone down the bravado, it's not impressing 
anyone. Anyway, I see them stacking the weights on the bar and it appears 
he is getting ready to do some squats, so one of the stooges positions 
himself under the bar and begins as his spotter is now standing behind 
him, okay nothing unusual about that, except his spotter starts with that 
obnoxious "COME ON...PUSH!....ONE MORE!..." I hear the weights shaking 
and clanging on the bar as lard ass tries to do a few more beyond what he 
should. Well, he finally rests the bar on one of the hooks and steps back all 
three morons look pleased with themselves (more laughter, back slapping 
and loudness ensues). And then, well, I'm smiling as I write this, this is 
when justice is served, it actually happens allot when mother nature steps in to 
dish out a lot of humility. I notice them piling on more plates and I raise an 
eyebrow because I suspect dumb-ass is getting ready to try something he's 
not ready for. So they are drawing some attention from some other wanna-
be's at this point because Mr. Pretend Weightlifter loudly announces that 
they have 495lbs on the bar. I roll my eyes and smile, looking down at the 
ground, this clown seems proud of what he is attempting, I am now hedging 
my bets this is not going to go well.
 
So his spotter is psyching him up for the squat as the guy positions himself 
under the bar, allot of grunting and huffing begins to spew from his 
face, not to mention the guy looks about ready to pass out. He gets the bar 
off the rack and is really on his own now because his spotter looks deathly 
thin so I'm not sure why he's even pretending to spot. So he goes 
down for the squat (I know this isn't funny, because it can be very 
dangerous) but the dude isn't coming back up. WELL, WELL, WELL :) I couldn't 
help but smirk after he got the bar off his shoulders (They were at 
least smart enough to put the safety bar in place so if you go down and can't 
get back up, you can just roll it off your shoulders). 

Wait a second! They're not so loud now! Where's all the high fives and loud big-
man-talk? Hmmm, could it be you just let your ego take you down a path you 
weren't ready to handle? And did the whole gym just see it? Why yes we did :)
 
So, the three stooges walk out and I get a better glance over at Mr. Can't-
squat-shit-now, noticing that his belly seems to be the biggest part of his 
anatomy...all big and swollen....obviously they had to leave right after that, 
not because he just made an ass out of himself, but probably because the local 
beer and pizza joint is calling, but probably both reasons.
 
People, sometimes you have to leave well enough alone.
 
**********

Putting things on better terms with Sharon was a major relief for me, 'One 
less thing to worry about', although one could never distinguish from the 
outset that I was so worried. My exterior aloofness often led people to 
believe I was arrogant, uncaring and in some cases hostile. The hostility did in 
fact take on roots after the 'incident' that night at the frat party.
 
Steve, the recipient of my elbow, had only seen me once in the week that 
followed, and that was at a distance. Initially he was infuriated, but that 
lasted for maybe another twenty four hours until an odd sense of respect and 
attraction must have taken hold of him as he actually tried asking me out 
later. I declined, but I guess he knew of so few girls that had such guts to 
punch, or in this case 'elbow' another person that it definitely made me stand 
out, which I don't know if that is necessarily a good thing? I guess I also 
seemed unapproachable now and for Steve, as well as most other guys, that 
unattainable quality was what 'the chase' is all about.
 
It took some time for me to notice, but that one incident on such a big 
campus did spread and in some small pockets, the truth became manipulated. To 
the chagrin of a great many of the girl's on campus, the male classmates now 
spoke of me in the highest regards as if they admired me or something. It seemed 
to totally dumbfound many of the women that I was suddenly elevated to this sexy 
Amazon status when all of the men present had initially riled against my violent 
reaction. Regardless, many of the women could care less who I was, athletically 
or academically or what I had done; The issue at hand was how I was stealing a 
lot of their thunder. But not all the girl's aligned themselves against me, I 
had friends on the Gymnastic and Soccer team, and while they teased me to some 
extent, many of them showed support. This support became especially helpful when 
I began to notice snide comments being made just within ear-shot whenever I was 
in class, the library, or just walking down the sidewalk. Stuff like 'Thug', 
'Big dummy', a few other things, but my grades would beg to differ with their 
analysis. But I think I am a big dummy socially, so maybe that is what they 
are referring to.
 
I wasn't one to hang out in large clicks of girl-friends or guy-friends, even 
when I was invited by my team mates to 'hang out', I often declined. But 
living on Campus did afford me the luxury of exploring the School layout at 
whim and I had quickly made it one of my primary goals to thoroughly check 
out the gym a little better at the School. I have always enjoyed hard physical 
athletics, whatever the sport may be, but with so much anxiety over school, 
my friendship with Sharon and such, I needed a release more than ever and I 
hoped the weight room just might give me that.
 
I swiped my ID card thru the reader and the door to the gym unlocked. It was 
an impressive facility indeed and upon hearing the clanging of metal I 
immediately followed the noise. Coming around the corner I was confronted by a 
large workout room, filled with free weights and other machines, the 
likes my high school never had. The group of guys and a very few girls 
seemed to pause and stare at me as I looked wide eyed at everything in the 
room. I in fact stuck out like the proverbial 'sore thumb', and why not, at 
almost 5' 11'' and strikingly long blond hair, beautiful, and carried a 
strong physique. One guy walked past me from the water fountain, "Hello" 
he said casually and attempted to engage my stare, "Hi" I said, barely above 
a whisper as my eyes stayed more focused on the lavish amount of equipment that 
was available.
 
Meanwhile, Sharon continued to take to school life like a bird to the air, she 
was successfully pledging her Sorority and was now on the Duke 
Cheerleading Squad. While Sharon appreciated my support, she also knew 
that I thought sororities and fraternities were stupid and childish.
 
Because part of my scholarship was Athletic, I had to finagle the appropriate 
approval and prove I could compete at a competent level on the soccer 
team to which I was finally assigned a backup goalie position.
And while I met people on campus with some regularity, I hadn't the 
inclination to invest any real time in a relationship, which was not earning me 
any points with people. Sharon, being my 'main' and seemingly only real 
friend on campus became inundated with question about me, to which 
Sharon did her best to deflect questions about 'Why I acted so stuck up', to 
which Sharon would half-heatedly reply, 'No, she's just takes a while to get 
adjusted', all the while Sharon would privately wish that I would 'hurry the 
hell up and get adjusted already!'

The thing about life is this, get over one hurdle and you're confronted by 
another, but I wouldn't call what happened next a hurdle initially. I walked 
into the Girls locker room to officially practice with the entire squad, I had 
major butterflies and scanned the room to pick out anyone I had not met, only a 
couple of faces seemed unfamiliar as my eyes scanned from right to left. You 
readers can mock and laugh all you want at this next statement, but when my 
vision locked onto the last person to my left, that's when I saw *her*, and when 
she looked up at me, our eyes became fixated and I got this jolt, like being 
startled. I finally remembered to smile and for the first time in my life I was 
looking at another girl and thinking 'Oh my god, she's beautiful, I must meet 
her.' I've never had that feeling about anyone, my insides got warm and I was 
suddenly nervous as I walked in her general direction as if my body was being 
guided under it's own power.

"This locker is free." Her voice was so soft as it called out to me, as 
beautiful fingers pointed to the one right next to hers.

"Okay." I said and stepped over the bench, resting my gym bag.

"I'm Nikki." 

"I'm Corbin." I gushed like some fool girl gone ga-ga, and I abruptly shook her 
hand. But I notice she's not so smooth and calm anymore, she was at first, but 
now she's tilting her head down and away and her cheeks become a tad blushed. 
We're both acting a bit goofy, trying to break the ice with one another.

"I heard a new girl was joining the team, you must be her." Nikki said.

"I am her."

"I hear you're pretty good." Nikki says and closes her locker.

I am struggling to concentrate on what she is saying, her hair and eyes are so 
black, I am getting lost in them. Good grief, it's like I look at this girl and 
I hear angels singing and music playing and all sorts of romantic thoughts are 
tumbling from my brain into every part of my body. This is madness!!
"Thanks, that's nice of you to say." But I'm still studying this beauty, her  
olive complexion, and toned, athletic body. She had these big dark eyes, like 
two black opals that were calm yet so direct that I felt like I didn't have a 
private thought around her. We were instant friends, we both wanted to be around 
one another and seemed to gravitate to one another, it was awkward at first, we 
both felt the same attraction but played it off as a soul mates from some prior 
life.

Nikki was also smart and was one of the first girls who didn't look at me in 
some judgmental manner. She wasn't into weight lifting that much, but was 
'Sporty' as Nikki liked to call herself, but still visited the University gym 
frequently. This budding friendship would be the setup for a series of pit-falls 
in my friendship with Sharon as Nikki was fast becoming a substitute best-friend 
for me while Sharon became more and more involved in her social activities.
 
In the meantime, I handled my stress level by working my ass off academically 
and more importantly athletically. I made immediate progress in the weight room, 
something I had only just started in High School and both Nikki and I were 
amazed at how my body responded to weight lifting. But with every up, comes a 
corresponding down, and much to the dismay of the other women who entered the 
gym, every guy that would walk by made a positive comment on my progress, while 
the glares of resentment continued to grow from the other women.
 
"It's getting old, all the comments that guys make." I sighed quietly.
 
"They're being nice." Nikki responded while helping me stretch out my back.
 
"There just hitting on me." I said.
 
"Is that so bad? They're not being rude." Nikki smiled as she helped me lay 
on my back and pushed up on my leg, until my knee was almost touching 
my chest. Although I was decked out in long sweat pants, having Nikki help 
with my stretching always seemed to attract a number of lingering stares 
from every guy in the gym. Looking up from the floor, I tilted my head 
around my calf to find Nikki's face staring down at me, "They're not being 
rude? That is so much bull, guys think with one thing only in mind..." and my 
eyes looked around the room discreetly, "...Sex" I mumbled, "And only sex."
 
Nikki just smiled, "Okay" she sighed. She was smiling because she suspected 
that my complaining wasn't so much genuine resentment against guys, but 
another issue that she was only now starting to put the pieces together on. 
 
I wasn't big on talking and made my whole life revolve around several hours 
a day of training and studying, but Sharon meanwhile was on a mission to 
set me up on a date...a double date to be exact.
 
I stepped out of the bathroom; my hair wet as billows of steam and scented 
shampoo filled the room. I expected to only find Nikki waiting for me 
in my room, but there was Sharon, her eyes growing wide as she saw the 
bruises along my legs and arms, "What in the hell!" Sharon stepped in to look 
closer.
 
"I know," I sighed, "but goes with the territory".
 
"Territory nothing," Sharon squatted down and gently ran a finger over my 
bruised legs, "Are you okay?" She said in her overprotective manner. I 
noticed the look of puzzlement on Nikki's face, which was true; Nikki was 
amazed at the way Sharon was fawning all over my 'minor' bruising. 
 
"Sharon's very concerned." I shrugged with a smile and looked over at Nikki. 
Suddenly Sharon stood up, "Yes I am, and what's all this junk about you 
going out tonight? I need to speak with you about something!" Sharon said 
in a very tense but demanding manner.
 
"About what?" I said and reached over to pull a brush off the nightstand, 
running it thru my hair.
 
"About that double date we're going on tomorrow night" Sharon said 
emphatically, to which my hand froze and my once light hearted expression 
turned serious.
 
"What are you talking about?" I said arm still frozen in the air, brush still 
in hand.
 
"That's what we need to talk about" Sharon said placing her hands on her 
hips.
 
Firmly, I pulled the brush from my hair and placed it back down on the 
dresser, "No."
 
"Why?" Said Sharon with a hint of irritation, "You haven't even heard me 
out!"
 
"I'm not going on a blind date, that's why, you know I don't like surprises." 
Nikki watched me become a little flustered which surprised her since 

she had never seen me get so on-edge so quickly.
 
"Do you trust my judgment?" Sharon asked with a smile while innocently 
tilting her head to the right.
 
"That's not a fair question." I sighed, "Look, we'll talk about it later, okay? 
But I'm really not inclined on going on a blind date." I walked over to my desk 
and grabbed my keys and purse.
 
"Okay, it's not really a blind date, I know the guy and we are going to meet 
them at the Pub down the street, it will be very casual, so let's just eliminate 
the word 'Date'!" Sharon protested.
 
"Do I know this guy?" I spun around.
 
"Not directly..."
 
"Then it's a blind date." I picked up the brush again and whipped it thru my 
long hair casually, which was starting to piss Sharon off.
 
"...but he knows you...or he's seen you around...and like I said..." Sharon 
countered in a heated tone.
 
"What do you mean he knows me!" I looked suspiciously at Sharon.
 
"He's seen YOU with me on a few occasions so...Look we do need to talk 
about this, so why are you heading out right now?" Sharon huffed.
 
"Sharon," I paused in frustration and placed the brush down on the chest 
carefully.
 
Sensing maybe now would be a good time to leave, Nikki spoke up, "We can 
do this some other time Corbin." She said in the most unassuming manner 
possible.
 
"No"..."Yes" Both Sharon I spoke at the same time, making it impossible 
for Nikki to know who said what, but I quickly and firmly put an end to the 
issue, "NO, we are still going Nikki." I said and then looked back at Sharon, 
"It's late Thursday Afternoon Sharon and you come waltzing in here when I 
have barely been able to catch up with you for the past three days, and now 
you want to talk about making plans. But I've already made plans this 
evening."
 
"BUT" Sharon tried to interrupt.
 
"No BUTS!" I stepped in and gently grabbed Sharon's right arm, "Look, we'll 
talk in the morning okay? Please. And, I'll see what I can do about tomorrow 
night. I just wish I had more warning that's all." I looked dead on into 
Sharon's eyes for some understanding. Sharon relaxed her posture a little 
and rolled her eyes, "Fine" She sighed.
 
"What are your plans for tonight?" I asked, my hand still gently tugging on 
Sharon's right elbow, hoping that maybe she would be able to join Nikki and 
me.
 
"Oh I can't, I have this pledge meeting I need to attend." Sharon sighed again 
and then felt her lean in to give me a hug, which I firmly returned.
 
"You coming back here tonight?" I asked as I pulled away.
 
"Yeah." Sharon nodded.
 
"Okay, see you later tonight." I smiled and stepped around Sharon to reach 
for the door. Nikki awkwardly smiled as she stepped around Sharon and said, 
"It was nice meeting you."
 
"Yeah, nice to meet you too." Sharon said, but in a somewhat distracted 
tone, but I know Sharon's various so called 'tones' and I could tell, she didn't 
like Nikki.
 
"How long have you and Sharon known each other?" Nikki had to ask.
 
"Couple of years." My reply came out sounding automatic, as if my mind was 
elsewhere, quickly I tried to return to the present and I looked over at 
Nikki as we climbed into Nikki's car.
 
"That's right, you did mention that." Nikki spoke out load as she started the 
car.
 
"Why do you ask?"
 
"Because, back in your room, for a few moments you two had the familiarity 
with one another, that you find in friends that it takes years to develop, 
years." Nikki replied.
 
"You mean like an old-married-couple?" I smirked with amusement to which 
Nikki chuckled a little while adjusting her rearview mirror.
 
"No, not at all. Well, not quite, but close enough." She said. I had started to 
enjoy Nikki's company immensely as she enjoyed simply hanging out and 
Nikki had a sense of responsibility to her academic studies like I did. Before I 
even knew it, I had found myself in what felt like the beginning of a genuine, 
sincere friendship.


*********
 
"Those guys over at the bar, and that other table over there, have been 
staring at us." Nikki said as we sat out on the now enclosed balcony of one 
of out favorite restaurants. My head jerked to the left and scanned the 
room. 

"Don't look!" Nikki giggled.
 
"Oh sorry." I slumped in my chair and blushed red with a smile. I waved my 
left hand in the air as if shooing a fly, "I'm such a klutz" and reached for my 
glass of red wine, taking a hurried sip.
 
"No, your just indiscrete when it comes to certain things." Nikki said 
with a smile but I knew she didn't mean it to be condescending or insulting. In 
fact, Nikki seemed to be 'the' authority on manners, etiquette, and moved 
with effortless grace. More so then even Sharon, but then Sharon seemed to 
be a bit more pampered and feminine in her mannerisms.
 
"What?" I gawked at Nikki. I noticed she was looking at me with this odd smile.
 
"One of those guys is coming over to our table." Nikki raised her left eyebrow 
with such discretion that had I not been staring right into her disarmingly dark 
eyes, I would not of picked up on it.
 
"Damn." I mumbled and looked down at my lap, I was just hoping for some time 
alone with my friend.
 
"Hello ladies." the guy said, "My name is John and wanted to invite you two 
to come over and have drinks on us."
 
"Hello John, my name is Nicole and this is my dear friend Corbin." Nikki 
extended her left hand out over the table towards me, as if introducing 
someone important.
 
"I've heard of you! You the girl that belted that guy at the party?" He 
chuckled trying to be lighthearted. However, I simply frowned and rolled my 
eyes.
 
"Yeah." I sighed and reached for my drink.
 
"You know John, that's an awfully nice invitation but we've ordered and 
would like to eat first. Then we'll chat." Nikki smiled and John, 
like most men when in the presence of two beautiful women, his brain had 
'checked out'. He hesitated for a second and then smiled at his awkward 
hesitation, "Yeah, sure that would be great, enjoy your dinner." and took a 
step back casting several looks back as he walked away.

"Oh, he likes you." Nikki discreetly pointed her finger in my direction.
 
"How could you tell, I never made eye contact with him." I sighed.
 
"Well, as he walked away he definitely was checking you out." and Nikki 
smiled at my bashfulness as I turned my head away and adjusted my hair like some 
silly school girl. I could feel Nikki studying me, maybe waiting for me to say 
something; "You're gorgeous Corbin and you don't even know the effect you have 
over men and..." Nikki hesitated "...women."
 
"I'm sorry, such talk makes you extremely uncomfortable, I could see that 
the first time we met." Nikki sipped on her wine.
 
I folded my napkin a few times in a nervous gesture and shrugged, still 
looking down at my lap. "I don't know why, I'm just very uncomfortable with 
being viewed as a, sexual object." Then my whole body jumped a 
little when I felt Nikki's foot touch me on the calf. Nikki was smiling, I think 
she just wanted to get my attention. "Its okay Corbin just be yourself around 
me. We don't have to talk to those guys." and immediately a sense of relief 
seemed to come over me as I finally relaxed with a smile.
 
"Thanks Nic, I get so stressed out, I'm terrible at making small talk." I 
perked up when the waiter came over with our meals. "So, uhm, which one was 
looking at me?" I meekly asked and glanced over to where the guys were 
gathered, playing darts and drinking beer. Nikki let go with a quick burst of 
laughter at how I was now showing signs of interest. By now, a few other girls 
had joined the guys in their round of dart playing, a couple cut unwelcome eyes 
in my and Nikki's direction. 

"You and Sharon are a lot alike." I said.
 
"Like how?" Nikki shot back.
 
"Both of you have this confidence, I mean you just seem to radiate confidence 
around people, especially strangers, like just now." I gave a quick 
glance to those guys.
 
"I would say that is were the similarities end." Nikki commented.
 
"True, very true." I admitted.
 
"I think the hardest part for you is just accepting yourself, to stop trying to 
overcome your bashfulness like it's something bad, like it's some flaw in your 
personality. It's actually one of the best traits about you Corbin, it's part of 
your strength, and when you embrace that as a welcome characteristic then 
eventually everything else will start to fall into place and feel comfortable." 

Wow, that comment really hit close to home and I have to admit, I shook me up 
emotionally. 

"I, I'm sorry, look at me." Nikki looked distraught over what she had just said, 
and probably concerned that I was crying a little.
 
"No, its okay, I'm not upset because of what you said." I looked up and 
actually seemed to smile a little, "Please believe me." but Nikki seemed to 
need further convincing. "If you only knew how good it made me feel to hear 
you say that, no one, except maybe my mom has ever encouraged me to 
be content with that part of myself." and my jaw and fist flexed with greater 
effort, as if my mood had switched more to being angry. I didn't jump this 
time, but a shiver went up my spine as Nikki stroked the back of my bare 
calf, exposed by my knee length skirt. It was an attempt to sooth me and it 
seemed to be working. 
 
"Mmmmmm..." Nikki sighed.
 
"What?" I asked, feeling better as Nikki gently brushed her leg, it didn't feel 
awkward or sexual at all, but soothing...calming...what Nikki was doing.
 
"I'd hate to get on your bad side Corbin."
 
"Puuhhhhlleease" I groaned, "I'm a pussycat, harmless." I blushed.
 
"I can't believe that Sharon has never consoled you like this before." 
 
"Oh she has, but just to try and get me to be more out going, but that's 
Sharon you know, she is very driven by 'things' that SHE wants." I said as I 
slowly ate dinner. Nikki appeared to take careful note of how I said that.
 
"You ready?" Nikki looked up as we split the tip.
 
"Yep!" I looked to where the guys were still hanging about.
 
"That's up to you." Nikki paused as she was about to stand.
 
"I guess." I nervously said as my heart fluttered, but Nikki just gave me a 
worry free smile. Taking a deep breath I collected my purse and turned, Nikki 
was already a couple of steps ahead. I watched they're eyes collectively turn to 
watch us approach. Good grief, what a site, the half dozen guys had started 
jostling for position, all but forgetting about their current female company, 
something that sparked outrage in at least two of the girls present.
 
"Hey Nikki." A couple of them spoke up.
 
"Hey Rob, Dave..." She smiled, "...this is my friend Corbin." I simply raised 
my hand and gave a little wave.
 
"Why don't you join us?" John quickly interjected and scurried about 
collecting some extra chairs. Nikki gave me a quick look and was pleasantly 
surprised to see I just shrugged with a smile, a sign it was okay to stay. 
Already I was inundated with at least three guys who were all trying to 
engage me in conversation, quite honestly it was exhausting to try and keep 
up with them all and before I knew it a glass of beer was next to me. 
Uncharacteristically I took the offered drink, thinking I needed the alcohol to 
Unwind anyway.
 
"Careful, the brute might sock you if you get too close." A girl's voice rose up 
from behind several of the guys causing an uncomfortable moment.
 
"What? Was that directed at me?" I stood up nervously and looked around. 

"Duh!" A girl said and slipped thru two of the guys, making a goofy dumb 
expression at me, meant obviously to mock me. It was Tiffany, and she was pissed 
at having us show up and basically manipulate every guy's attention away from 
her and her friends.
 
"Put a cork in it." One guy said in reference to Tiffany's insult.
 
"You put a cork in it, what do you guys see in this muscle head jock 
anyway?" The brunette scowled me up and down. I took a step forward but Nikki's 
left hand gripped my right wrist with a gentle squeeze and I stopped, checking 
my state of mind, realizing that I was about to deck the girl. I was a little 
dismayed that I was about to loose control so quickly and why did I want to 
immediately lash out? 'Get a grip' I told myself.
 
"Come 'on, what are you waiting for, do we need to step outside?" Tiffany 
spat, looking me up and down with the best disdain and disgust she could 
muster. Sure I was taller and stronger then this other girl, but she seemed 
determined to make a stand. I guess in her mind she had her own pride to look 
out for even if it meant getting the crap beat out of her, and then again, maybe 
she could take care of herself?
 
I swallowed hard and looked away as Nikki gripped my right hand that was 
down between our bodies. I decided to remain standing, I had swallowed my 
pride some, but felt that it would look 'cowardly' to sit down, at least in my 
own mind it did. Worse still, most of the guys were facially showing some 
disheartening looks that I wasn't 'stepping up'. Everyone's excitement over a 
'fight' apparently was not going to happen.  I had become too tongue tied 
to think of some snappy comeback and hoped somebody would shut the girl 
up.
 
"Tiffany, what the hell is your problem? You're just being bitchy." John 
griped. That was all the distraction that I needed, apparently Tiffany turned 
her venom on John next with his criticism as the two argued, but that died 
down too as Tiffany's friends managed to calm her down. I nursed my drink 
a little and actually accepted another, even relaxing enough to play a 
round of darts. Simply put, I decided to keep my distance from the other 
girl's, but it suddenly seemed that I went from fending off the hostility of 
other women to fending off the sexual advances of the guys who began probing 
my personal life.
 
"Uhm, no." I said to Ryan's question, and that was the biggest mistake I 
could have made. 'Are you seeing anyone?' that was his question, simple enough 
but my honesty opened the floodgates to invitations and requests for my phone 
number. It's amazing how some guys even get thru the day, with some of the lousy 
one liners they come up with. 
 
"Well, uhm, you know, I don't know, my roommate and all really doesn't like 
allot of calls." I just started to babble now, I tried fending off questions 
for my number but as the night wore on my defenses began to wane and the 
alcohol was causing me to stumble over my words as I stood leaning up against a 
waist high wooden bar. 
 
"Would you like to go somewhere, get some coffee and talk?" His voice 
came from my left and I glanced over, thru glassy eyes I studied Ryan's 
attractive face. But I was also wondering where Nikki had gone and then my 
drowsy eyes found her, she was going thru the same routine as me, we gave each 
other a smile of support.
 
"What time is it?" I slurred my words to Ryan.
 
"About midnight" He faintly smiled.
 
"Oh shit that's way past my bedtime." I mumbled.
 
"Seriously?" He asked and leaned in closer and suddenly I realized just how 
close he was. With his body facing the bar so his left side rubbed up against 
my left shoulder since I was facing away from the bar. 'Good grief' I 
privately thought as I started to realize that my heart was beating fast. This 
was the first guy I had ever come close to kissing since Kevin in High School. 
My fear of intimacy with guys led allot of people to think I might be a lesbian, 
but rumors of me making out with Kevin (Soon thereafter dated) quickly squashed 
those rumors.
 
"Don't answer that, I know your serious, sorry." Ryan sighed and I shivered 
as his warm breath crossed the short divide and caressed my outer ear. 'He 
must be really close' I thought. I smiled and felt his shoulders brush against 
mine, I just turned my head to the left as my eyes closed. I could feel the 
warmth of his cheek next to mine and soon the music and crowds seemed to be 
fading further away now. 'I want to kiss him, I think, I think I do.' I 
wondered, or is that the alcohol talking? I opened my eyes and saw Nikki again 
and the thought of kissing came to the forefront of my brain which scared the 
hell out of me, because now I was thinking of my new friend.
 
"There's Dale, let's go chat him up." came Tiffany's voice and it totally 
disrupted my mood as I looked up, blinking my eyes. It was total coincidence 
that Tiffany was walking past where I stood, but it caught me a bit off guard 
as my eyes followed Tiffany and her two friends as they made a straight line to 
where a few guys from the football team had just entered the bar.
 
"What's the fuss?" I sighed. 
 
"Oh, Dale, the new football 'star' of the week. He's a big deal right now, it's 
been all over the news about his stats and going pro in a couple of years." Ryan 
sighed. I squinted, trying to clear the alcoholic haze from my eyes and mind, 
the smoke and late hour had also taken a toll. 'Wow' I thought to myself, Dale 
was very handsome and tall, looking very well built under his clothes and well 
dressed. I just smirked at how allot of the girl's were throwing themselves at 
him and I looked down at my almost empty glass and now understood why I didn't 
like this whole social scene, 'much too complex'. I looked up and felt that 
awkwardness return, but over and over it felt like Dale's gaze kept returning to 
me, trying to engage me. But my judgment was impaired, 'I've had about enough of 
this.' I sighed to myself and set the beer down. "Thanks Ryan" I suddenly turned 
to my left and gave him a hug, something that was more promoted by my buzz then 
anything else. He gave me a kiss on the cheek but I could tell he was hoping for 
more, I however wasn't in the mood anymore. I take kissing on the lips very 
serious, not a casual thing at all.
 
"Nikki can we?" I asked as I walked up behind her, my head nodding 
towards the exit. 
 
"Sure." Nikki smiled and said her goodbyes as we left.
 
That night was what I refer to as the first 'close call' between Nik and I as we 
walked back to my dorm room from the bar, we were both pretty drunk and laughed 
and giggled all the way down the sidewalk as we tried to keep the other steady. 
I wrapped my right arm around her shoulder and leaned in telling her I was so 
glad that I met her and kissed her on the cheek. 

"Thank you." She said quietly as her head lowered, as if she was contemplating 
something, when my hand dropped to my side I didn't think anything of the fact 
that her left hand then grabbed my right and we held hands the remainder of the 
walk back.

"Come on up." I said smiling.

"Okay." Nikki smiled back.

Sharon wasn't there and I didn't expect her back actually, she was spending most 
nights at the Sorority now. I took off my earrings and shoes, Nikki did the 
same, and when I turned around she raised her arms toward me and I just smiled, 
walking into her hug. The hug lasted awhile, but I was so buzzed that I really 
didn't think anything of it, besides I was also really tired.

The last thing I remember is the two of us laying down on my bed, still fully 
clothed, and falling asleep in each other's arms. Again, we played it off as 
both of us being just affectionate in a friendly sort of way, although we both 
confessed to the other that neither one of us had had a friendship like this 
that crossed so many physical barriers.



  
College_8