College

7

Corbin

**********

As the quote goes "It was the best of times, it was the..." blah, blah, blah, 
blah.

Just read on and enjoy this story of little ol' me, the quiet rebel I guess. 
 
**********
 
Both Sharon and I headed of to Duke University that fall, each excited, yet 
for very different reasons. The big Collage Campus unnerved me a bit, where as 
Sharon was constantly trying to get involved in new things and thrived on the 
bustle of activity. I was athletically and academically good enough that I 
almost got a full scholarship.  On the positive side, it wasn't difficult to 
makes friends, I was inundated by other people who were just as nervous and 
eager to make friends, yet my primary focus was on studying and nixed the offers 
to attend several social activities for the first few weeks. 
 
"You're not going into one of your 'quiet', 'rebellious' phases again are you?" 
Sharon asked while raising her fingers into the air to put quotes around the 
words 'quiet' and 'rebellious'.

"No! What? Wait, what are you talking about?" I turned away from my desk. Our 
Dorm room was one we shared, having requested that the two of us room together.
 
"Well, you've turned down several invites, and I'm not talking about 
pledging a sorority either, I know that's not 'Your Thing'!" Sharon made an 
exaggerated roll of her eyes.
 
I smiled at Sharon's teasing, "No, just getting adjusted to the class schedule 
and all that stuff" I shrugged.
 
"All that stuff? What stuff? We are four weeks into the semester, you're still 
adjusting?" Sharon leaned forward with both elbows resting on her thighs.
 
I turned to my right a little more to get a better view of where Sharon was 
sitting and placed my pen down on the desk, "Oh I'm sorry, am I not keeping up 
with your time table of events?" I smiled as I rested my left elbow on the desk.
 
"My time table, as you like to refer to it, is nothing more then genuine 
concern smart ass!" Sharon paused purposefully and gave me a serious, 
dead-on look before continuing, "Concern, which comes by the way, as your best 
friend".
 
I looked away as my face tensed uncomfortably, my jaw flexing at the way 
Sharon manipulated words. I suspected that Sharon was really just being 
nosey as I had indeed become very introverted the past couple of weeks, 
sharing none of my reasons with Sharon, nor anyone else for that matter. 
Clearing my throat, I put on my best face and looked back up at Sharon 
and smiled with a faint trace of blush in my cheeks. "I'm sorry, but I was 
just teasing you, you know?" I sighed.
 
"Okay, but teasing aside, is everything okay? Sometimes I don't really 
know what's up with you unless I pry a little bit" Sharon raised her 
eyebrows emphatically, so I relaxed a little and smiled, barely, 
but it was still a discernable smile.
 
"Things are fine Sharon, really. You and I are just different when it comes 
to assessing a situation and deciding what we want. As much as it 
frustrates you, I have to do things in my own pace." I gave a humble 
shrug as if it was no big deal.
 
"'Assessing a situation'?" Sharon grinned in amusement and sat up 
straight, "You make it sound so serious..." Sharon teased my choice of 
words.
 
"Call it whatever you want." My brow tensed indicating I was no longer in 
any mood for Sharon's teasing. My expression could quickly go from 
calm?to dark...to down right menacing (My darker side), which would catch most 
people off guard. At this point I was definitely in no mood for teasing or 
bantering; I couldn't make the smooth transition from being serious, to flirty, 
to teasing, back to serious as quickly as Sharon could during the course of a 
conversation.
 
"Corbin!" Sharon snapped, but not in anger, more out of concern, "What's 
wrong? I'm just talking here" Sharon pouted and shrugged innocently, 
something that I hated because it then became extremely difficult to stay 
angry with Sharon when she went into her 'I'm just trying to innocently 
help' mode. My left hand came up and rubbed my brow in frustration, 
trying to figure out how to explain myself. Thankfully, Sharon had stopped 
talking, which was a miracle, the girl could seemingly go forever when on a 
roll.
 
"Okay...look..." I sighed and rested my left forearm back onto the desk as 
I looked back to where my friend sat patiently waiting. "...I'm not trying 
to keep you in the dark Sharon, there is no troubling secret here, I'm just 
trying to stay focused on keeping up with my studying. Once I feel that I 
am academically on solid ground then I can begin to relax and look into 
getting a social life".
 
"Academically on solid ground? Corbin! You've made A's on all of your 
assignments thus far, what are you talking about?"
 
"And that's all the more reason to buckle down and stay focused, maybe in 
a couple of more weeks I'll relax, but right now I like having my routine, 
it's something that I can concentrate on." I stared long and hard at my 
brunette friend, as if trying to burn my conviction and sincerity into this 
girl's brain. But Sharon simply shrugged in a nonchalant way.
 
"Okay...okay...I'll leave you alone, I just wanted us to hang out some more 
you know." Sharon looked away, tilting her head towards the ground. I just 
stared in bewilderment at how Sharon was really playing up the whole 
'poor me' routine. Cautiously, I began to turn back around to my desk 
hoping this was the end of it, but in a final sigh I added, "Well, that's really 
nice gesture Sharon and I'm sorry if I snapped at you, I really look forward to 
getting out soon, I'm going a little stir crazy." 
 
"Great, 'cause so many guys are asking about you, there's one I want you 
to think about too, cause he..."
 
"See I knew it!" I jerked around in my seat, my face a little tense now, 
"The truth comes out, all that junk about, 'Oh I'm so concerned about 
you' when all you really wanted to do was meddle in my dating life." I was 
leaning forward a little bit, excited a little at having caught Sharon in one of 
my little manipulations.
 
"Dating life?" Sharon sneered with contempt, "What dating life? You have 
no dating life to meddle with, and I was, excuse me, I AM! very concerned about 
what goes on with you!" Sharon huffed defensively.
 
"Oh yeah?" I quipped right back.
 
But a knock at their door startled both of us, Sharon instantly perked 
up and then looked back at me with frustration at the interruption, "We're 
going to finish this conversation later!" Sharon leaned forward and growled 
in a low voice.
 
"No we won't." I snapped and turned around.
 
"Oh yes we are." Sharon replied.
 
"Oh..." I started out with my reply, when Sharon interrupted and called out 
"Come in!" to the person waiting outside.
 
"Hey! What's up!" Claire came bursting into the room. Claire was an 
energetic girl, standing about 5'5" with short multicolored hair which had a 
mix of blonde, brown and black. Even with all of that, she was pretty with 
piercing light green eyes and a nice athletic build.  
"Hey Claire." I forced a smile, still fuming over my argument with Sharon.
 
"Check it out!" Claire said and then stuck her tongue out at both of us, a 
shiny round tongue stud protruded proudly. "Holy Shit" Sharon laughed 
and stood up to take a closer look, but Sharon always took stuff like that in 
stride nothing seemed to faze her. I on the other hand gawked with my eyes 
bugged out as I leaned forward, like I was watching a car wreck unfold.
 
"Why did you do that?" I asked, not even thinking about it. Claire recoiled 
her tongue and while placing her hands on her hips looking at me as if I 
was clueless, "Why do you think?" Claire shook her head and smiled.
 
"You were bored? Pure shock value?" I sighed. Sharon just smirked at my 
smart ass reply.
 
"Haha, hoho, haha." Claire replied. "Come'on, take a guess smarty pants." 

"I just did." I cocked my left eyebrow showing my impatience with the 
guessing game.
 
"You really don't know?" Claire looked at me with bewilderment. I reached 
up with my right hand and ran my fingers thru my long blonde hair with 
frustration several times, shaking my head 'no'.
 
"Oh, she's serious alright, she has no clue." Sharon said.
 
"Well..." Claire turned back to me, a pleasurable sneer forming on her face 
as she began, "...besides 'shock value', there are certain oral benefits to 
it."
 
My face went blank, "I don't understand...never mind, I don't want to 
know." I raised my right hand as if signaling Claire not to proceed any 
further with an explanation.
 
"It feels good on a man's dick when you give him a blow job and I bet it 
would probably feel good going down on a girl too, might have to try that 
one day." Claire blurted out in a very matter-of-fact-like style as she 
stepped in closer, sticking her tongue out, rolling it back and forth in the air 
playfully. My own mouth parted in shock and I leaned back in my chair, 
"You're joking right, that's not true."
 
"Here, you want to touch it!" Claire stepped in and leaned closer to my 
face.
 
"NO! Get away!" I spun my chair around and hunched over my desk, "I'm 
busy, leave me alone, that's disgusting sick, gross." Claire just laughed 
and Sharon leaned over pulling Claire back by her shoulders, "Okay let's 
go." Sharon just giggled.
 
"Come on my little blonde friend." Sharon said.
 
"Yeah, come on." Claire insisted.
 
"HELLO! I am studying!"
 
"Oh she is SO coming this time." Claire said looking at Sharon as they both 
smiled at one another. Claire and Sharon each made a grab for one of my 
arms to try and pull me from the desk.
 
"Hey, hey, stop, wait don't...OKAY! OKAY!" I finally gave in and stood 
up.
 
"You're not wearing that are you?" Sharon pointed at clothes. 

I looked down and moaned, "Uhm" as I studied my outfit, but dug my heels in by 
shoving my hands into my pockets and giving a uncaring shrug, "If I'm going, 
this is what I'm wearing.”

I got two looks of disdain, why? Because I had on these old baggy jeans and a 
old grey tee shirt, no makeup (I rarely wear makeup anyway) and my old 
flip flops.  But coming from those two? Please! 

"What the hell, what are YOU two looking at?" I said, "I'm the one that looks 
normal, you both need to take a long look in the mirror, you're the two dressed 
up like clowns. Makeup, lipstick, hairspray..." I flung my hand toward Sharon 
and Claire as I felt one of my rants coming on.

"Spare me your self righteous speech girlfriend." Claire stood up and dismissed 
me with a wave of her hand, and a smile. Sharon just let out a frustrated sigh 
and stood up, "You clean up real nice, I don't understand why you don't wear 
something sexy, show off that body." Sharon gives up and takes me by the arm and 
drags me out of the dorm room. She doesn't normally give up so easy, and by the 
end of the second semester my attire would change a bit, mostly due to Sharon's 
constant nagging.

"This is going to be so great, you're first big college bash." Sharon said, 
walking with her right arm around my shoulder now. I didn't feel so nervous 
being with Claire and Sharon, I wasn't really friends with Claire all that well 
although we both were on the gymnastics team, so we had gotten to know one 
another. But Claire and Sharon were pledging for the same sorority so they had 
become friends as well.

As for my attire, it really had more to do with being in my comfort zone, then 
it did with rebelling against fashion. I was a nervous wreck heading to this 
party because I am not normally a very social person, so it helped to dress in 
something that I felt comfortable in. 

'Great' I sighed with anxiety as we approached the Fraternity House, it was a 
big, loud party and everyone seemed to know everyone else, 'Maybe I can find a 
corner to disappear into.' Was my first thought.

'Maybe I am a total fashion wreck.' Came my next thought, because I was kind of 
digging some of the very sleek outfits some of these girls were wearing, some 
very simple elegant shorts, skirts and tops. This made feel kind of dumpy in 
my jeans and tee shirt, guess I should have taken Sharon's advice. But even with 
my quiet demeanor and crap attire, I still seemed to draw attention to myself, I 
refused to slouch so I stood pretty tall at almost 5'11", and my even, solid, 
muscular definition from years of gymnastics, track and weight lifting was 
still pretty evident under my clothes, and I guess the long blonde hair  
gravitated guys to me at the party. I was not at all used to this 'forward' type 
of behavior, 'Totally different from the guys in High School' I thought. Most of 
the conversation-starters came in the attempt to offer me a drink, refill my 
drink or talk about sports. Allot of the guys were shocked I was drinking ice 
water, often pressuring me into something more alcoholic to try and loosen me up 
some, maybe get me to act a little more uninhibited and flirty. But being one of 
my first big parties, I wanted to take in all the sites and sounds, totally 
sober. Unfortunately, when your one of the only sober person in a party full of 
'drunks', things can feel a bit on the obnoxious side when the alcohol isn't 
there to dull your senses. Several times I found herself having to lean away 
from several guys, that were either just close talkers or perhaps just trying to 
put 'the moves' on me. I marveled at the way Sharon seemed to flow in and out of 
conversation with guys and girls, being touchy-flirty one minute while slipping 
free when their embraces got to greedy. Sharon liked to show off her long, 
athletically lean legs, smooth and tan which caught every man's attention she 
came in contact with. 
 
What happened next didn't initially register with me as I felt the palm of 
someone's hand come to rest on my right hip. I looked down and then up, 
unsure of what was happening as I felt the warm touch track around to the 
front of my belly; "Are you sure I can't get you something else to drink?" 
His voice floated into my left ear canal in such a casual manner that I half 
way thought I should have expected it, but the way this guy was pulling 
my in close, against the front of his body set off my 'personal-space' 
alarms instead; 

"What the fuck!" I spat, not loud but definitely above that of a normal 
speaking tone as my left arm shot up and was then quickly retracted. At 
this point, I wasn't even thinking but reacting and probably not in the most 
logical manner possible, yet I had never been put in this position before 
and assumed this person had the worst of intentions. My elbow drove down 
and into this guys gut with all of my strength, causing his body to almost 
catapult back several feet knocking into and down several other people behind 
him.
 
"FUCK!" Was the only tangible word he could muster, the rest was a 
incoherent babble of moaning curses as he writhed on the floor, his arms 
cradling his torso. The music continued to blare, but the entire house had 
ceased it's partying as a disjointed circle formed around me and the fallen 
guy. The eerie silence was broken when the Fraternity president bolted 
forward to help the guy up, "What the fuck happened?" he yelled down at 
at the guy and then looked up at me.
 
"He touched me! He grabbed me!" I stammered as I took a step back, my 
right foot feeling a plastic cup crush under my shoe. The level of 
chatter started to rise as a few other friends of guy stepped forward to 
help asses the situation.
 
"What happened?" a tall, sandy haired Frat brother asked.
 
"I was standing and he just came up and grabbed me from behind, I didn't 
know who it was or..." I was literally shaking now; totally embarrassed and 
feeling tongue tied, I felt fortunate to be able to get that much out as my 
voice trembled.
 
The Frat President, Frank, had just finished helping the guy up when he glared 
over at me, "Touched you? Where? How?" He asked, but it definitely sounded like 
a challenge.
 
"Like here." I said and placed my hand over my stomach.
 
"Are you fucking kidding me!" Frank yelled, "That's it? That's no reason to 
pile drive your elbow into his gut!" Frank's sentiments were echoed by 
several other guys and girls that immediately began to question and insult 
my analysis of the situation and most importantly my reaction. I was 
nothing more then a deer in headlights at the moment, hoping I would 
vanish into thin air.
 
"Shut the fuck up!" Sharon yelled and stepped between the crowd and me, 
"Don't blame her because your inebriated friend decided to cop a feel. 
What the fuck do you expect? To just act like that shit is okay?" Sharon 
then quickly decided to diffuse the situation by taking me by the hand, 
quickly leading my out of the house. I couldn't help but detect a few glares 
of detest from some of the guys and girls as I was led out of the house, 
not to mention a comment or two with reference to me being a simple-
minded thug, or descriptions that essentially equated to such.
 
"Whew, thanks Sharon." I sighed and took several deep breaths of the cool night, 
but suddenly Sharon stopped and spun around, standing face to face with me.
 
"What the fuck was that back there? You elbow some guy in the gut? What's wrong 
with you!" Sharon hissed so as people walking about campus couldn't hear.
 
"What?" I leaned back in shock, "I don't understand, why are you now..." I 
was perplexed but Sharon quickly continued, "Corbin, some guy puts 
the moves on you and you punch him, you don't do that!" Sharon tensed 
her face.
 
"I elbowed him." I quietly corrected her.
 
"What...the...fuck...EVER!" Sharon snapped, "What the hell was that all 
about?"
 
"I don't understand, back there you said..."
 
"Back there I was sticking up for you because you're my friend, but I don't 
agree with what you did!" Sharon jabbed her left finger into my right 
shoulder. Oh man, Sharon was pissed off all right, she felt like I just might 
have jeopardized her chances of getting into the sorority. But I make no 
apologizes, I just simply frowned and narrowed my eyes.
 
"Tomorrow, you're going back over there and apologize!" Sharon poked 
her finger into my right shoulder again with more authority which was starting 
to irritate me.
 
"You've lost your mind, I'm not doing that!" I snapped and smacked 
Sharon's hand away with my right, my heart pounded violently as I 
stepped around my friend. Sharon stood motionless, like a statue 
at what I just said, "I'm not apologizing to anyone." I continued talking as I 
walked away.
 
"What did you say to me?" Sharon seethed from behind me and I could hear her 
quickly walking up behind me.
 
"You heard me" I replied, "Unless English is your second language." I sighed, 
feeling that smart-ass, kick-your-ass Corbin starting to come out in me.
 
"How dare you." Sharon jerked on my left arm, pulling me around, "You 
had better stop and answer me, I don't deserve that after all the crap I do 
for you." But I just calmly stared right at her.
 
"Then don't..." I jerked my arm free, "...invite me to anymore parties, and 
stop doing things for me, I never ask you to and certainly don't fit into 
your socialite world Sharon." I turned and continued my fast track to the 
dorm.
 
I know it tore her up inside, but I guess the pull was just too great for 
Sharon and she didn't want to waste anymore time and stormed back towards the 
party. The easiest thing for me to do now was to simply bottle it all up inside, 
that technique had always worked well for me in the past, but what really blew 
my away was the sudden realization that Sharon and I just had a major fight and 
for some reason it felt tragic, but right, all at the same time. I didn't have a 
moments reservation about what I said or did and as I sat down on my bed, the 
realization of what Sharon had said to me began to sink in; 'After all the crap 
I do for you.' replayed in my mind. That statement seemed to say so much to me, 
as if Sharon valued my relationship based on how much appreciation I showed in 
return, 'As if it's a privilege to be her friend'.
 
"Were all of my friends back in High School right?" I sighed allowing the 
worst possible thoughts to enter my head, 'No, no, no' I thought, 'Don't go 
overboard, one fight isn't the end of the world'. But as I glanced around 
the room I shared with Sharon, my eyes began to drift casually from the 
chair, to the desk, the window, observing how the soft yellowish glow from my 
desk lamp gave the room a warm, cozy quality. 
 
"All alone." I mumbled at the realization that I was 18 years old, in College 
and still as big of a social misfit as ever. Finally, I gave a lingering stare 
to the door, Sharon had not followed me back to the room to talk things 
out, to resolve things, another bitter realization that my 'best friend' had 
most likely chosen to go back to the party.

**********

I wanted to backup a little and vent on my High School experience with that 
wonderful topic of 'Dating'. 
 
Dating for me was probably the most aggravating part of High School, 
simply because I really didn't make it a priority which seemed to set off a 
chain reaction of events I was not prepared for. The fact that I was 
so flippant/nonchalant/aloof (pick one) only seemed to aggravate 
everyone around me who DID make it THEIR priority. If I started hanging 
out with some boy, then suddenly it seemed expected for me to become 
friends with his friends and his friend's girlfriends (got that?) even if I 
couldn't stand them, make sense? Good, now lets proceed.
 
Then there were the guys that seemed to razz me publicly for being 
athletic and lifting weights (don't worry, I know it was just a form of 
flirting), because they would just turn around and privately pursue me like 
rabid dogs; Calling me, leaving notes on my car, in my locker. Give me a 
break, totally confusing, but I understood they had their fragile little egos 
to keep intact and it was more of the *in* thing to date a girly-girl then a 
fashion wreck like myself. Maybe that's not a fare characterization of 
myself; I simply just rolled out of bed and pulled on underwear, shorts, 
tee shirt and sneakers and off to school I went, that was the extent of my 
attention for primping for school. It wasn't a conscious effort on my part to 
snub people. I really believe I was just more focused on sports and 
studying, my parents drilled into my brain the importance of excelling 
academically, besides I saw what a mess dating was making of my friends, 
but I think they loved the chaos it created in their lives.
 
I didn't go to the prom, in fact I didn't go to many dances at all, just more 
social crap to deal with. By my senior year, depending on who you asked I 
was either a snob, or a lesbian; The lesbo tag was something that got hung 
on me in the gossip circle by some girls after I turned down several guys 
for dates. You see, the fact was this mean spirited gossip all started over 
the fact that I was asked out first...that's right, it seems that some girl's 
got their egos bruised when several guys bypassed the self-imposed popularity 
hierarchy by asking me out first before asking out certain more popular 
girls. Ego's further bruised by the fact that I also suspected they spent a 
good hour or two primping in the mirror and I simply trudged down the 
hallway in my dirty sneakers everyday as their boyfriends stared me down 
with lustful intentions.
 
Now, why would I turn down some of the hottest boys on our school 
campus? I can sum it up in one word "Manners". Seems some of these 
boys who asked me out thought that because 'they' knew they were 
popular and attractive meant it was expected of me to automatically accept 
a date invitation, I DON'T THINK SO!  Look, I'm not out to prove a point 
here, but I am very, very picky. I may not have standards when it comes 
to dressing and brushing my hair all the time, but when it comes to who I 
hang out with I do have very high standards. Now that I think about it 
maybe that's what got all the guys jazzed up, the fact that I didn't need to 
dress up or wear makeup to be attractive. Hell, I don't know, I'm just 
venting.

**********
 
I sat up, propped up on my elbows as I looked around the room, 
the clock read "9:45am" and there was Sharon, sound asleep in her bed. I 
had not even heard her come back into the room, god only knows what 
time she got in from the party.
 
By the time I stepped out of the bathroom from taking a shower, Sharon 
was now up, sitting on the edge of the bed rummaging her hands thru a 
tangle of long brunette hair.
 
"Hey, how do you feel?" I asked, my tone borderline between cautious and 
optimistic. Sharon's response came after some delay, causing me to 
wonder if she had even heard me. 
 
"Oh, so-so, bit of a hang over, you want to go get some breakfast." Sharon 
looked up suddenly. The comment caught me a bit off guard, not because 
of the request for breakfast, but because there was a tone to the request 
that seemed to indicate an ulterior motive on Sharon's part.
 
"Sure, sounds good." I nodded while tying my tennis shoes, yet the whole 
time I was thinking 'Sounds like hell'. Sure enough, I detected it, that 
awkward, forced dialogue between two people dancing around something 
until the real issue was to eventually be brought up. But it didn't come with 
a *bang*, instead with that of a simple, soft sigh on the part of Sharon as I 
set my cup of coffee down.
 
"We'll, you've done it now." Sharon finally said after a much exaggerated 
'sigh'.
 
"Done what?" I looked up from the just served breakfast platter of a bagel 
and nova.
 
"That little stunt of yours last night, combined with the way you turn down 
invites, you're getting a reputation as being a VERY stuck up, square girl." 
Sharon leaned in and drew a square in thin air with her finger. 
 
"Oh, I don't care about that." I shrugged, while spreading some cream 
cheese on my bagel. But that was a partial lie, but it was more important 
that I keep my emotional defenses up.
 
"Yeah, that's the problem; you don't give a shit." Sharon continued to 
level her eyes at me, but they contained a much harder look.
 
"Look Sharon..." I groaned as I chopped down on my bagel and 
proceeded to talk, because I know talking and eating annoys the hell out of 
Sharon.
 
"Look nothing!" Sharon leaned in, her voice low but with a noticeably hard 
edge to it, "The world doesn't revolve around you Corbin."
 
"Nor you Sharon." I spat back, equally sure to keep my voice low.
 
"No shit, but I'm trying to make inroads into this College, trying to build a 
future for myself and make new friends, not just go to class and collect 
grades." Sharon's face was blushing a bit with emotion as she delved right 
into the matter at hand.
 
"I have sports." I wrinkled I brow at the insult and gave a shrug.
 
"Just gymnastics!" Sharon waved a hand in the air as a quick dismissal.
 
"And Soccer." I raised an eyebrow.
 
"Soccer?" Sharon repeated dumbfounded, "What about gymnastics? 
Where the fuck did Soccer come from?" she asked with concern.
 
"Well, there are several reasons behind that decision; First, I've been 
playing with some of the girls on the field, you know just messing around, 
and it turned out I'm a little quicker then some of the ones who have been 
doing it for years. And my strength seems to give me an advantage also 
and I have more endurance then allot of them too, which is strange 
because of the amount of running on the filed, but I don't think they really 
take care of themselves as well I do. So, I guess that's why I'm in better 
shape."
 
"So just like that, they are going to let you be on the team? And what 
about your gymnastics!"
 
"The past few years have been allot tougher then you realize Sharon, I've 
grown taller and filled out. It's gotten allot harder on my body and joints to 
perform all of those routines, I just can't keep up with those freaky little 
girls flipping and flying thru the air, well not freaky, but their smaller frame 
size is tough to compete against."
 
"We'll you're just naturally muscular, maybe if you went on a strict diet to 
get thinner, did you think about that?" Sharon spoke as I watched her stab 
her salad with a fork.
 
"A strict diet?" I almost spit my food out of my mouth, "I'm like five-foot-
ten or eleven as it is Sharon! I'm an Amazon compared to those girls on the team 
and I think I carry my build just fine and I'm not going to torture myself with 
diets hoping to force my 'square' body into a 'round' hole. It just won't 
work and as for getting on the Soccer Team, I'll have to wait for tryouts 
and start practicing and stuff, but the Coach, he's kind of started to take 
notice of me, so I think they might pull some strings."
 
"Oh, THE Coach has started to notice you, we'll isn't that special, I bet he 
noticed you alright." Sharon snickered to herself.
 
"That's terrible." I said, "Nothing of the sort goes on like that!" I acted 
totally repulsed and shocked.
 
"Oh, you're so correct, what a totally shocking suggestion. Some facility 
member drooling over a female student, that is so unheard of!" Sharon 
shook her head in mock disgust.
 
"Can we change the subject!" I leaned across the table.
 
"Yeah, we need to, so let's get back to the matter at hand." Sharon sipped 
on her glass of water.
 
"Forget it." I said in a firm voice.
 
"Forget what?" Sharon looked up.
 
"I am not apologizing, 'cause I know this is where you are going." 
 
Sharon's lips tensed as she sat back in her booth, "Thanks Corbin, thanks 
for making so much effort." Sharon fidgeted with the napkin in her lap.
 
"An effort? An effort for whom Sharon?" I quizzed suspiciously.
 
"How about for me? As a friend Corbin, and thanks allot for keeping your 
little soccer plans a secret from me, I guess you would have eventually 
gotten around to sharing that decision with me." Sharon picked her fork up 
nervously and played some more with the salad.
 
"For you Sharon? I'm the one that jerk grabbed back at the party, I mean 
what the hell!" I shook my head in disbelief, "And I was going to tell you 
about Soccer, but your always so busy with your 'social plans'."
 
For a couple of minutes we sat in silence to see if a mutually unspoken 
truce had been reached, until Sharon finally spoke up; "Okay, fine, 
fine, but look, seriously, if you want to pursue Soccer that's just dandy, not 
as glamorous or elegant as Gymnastics, but I'm sure it will be okay." 
Sharon sighed out her comment with a less then enthusiastic tone. "What?" 
Sharon blurted out as she studied my serious expression, one that 
bespoke anger more then anything else.
 
"What? What's wrong now?" Sharon slumped her shoulders forward.
 
"Could you spare me the derogatory remarks." I replied, a slight look of 
hurt in my eyes. Sharon frowned a little, maybe remembering how bitchy 
her comments come out sounding sometimes.
 
"I'm sorry" She said with a frown, and looked back down pushing the 
leaves of the salad around. "I'm just teasing, no harm intended. I guess 
you just totally caught me off guard with your decision. But your super at 
whatever you set your mind to, so I'm sure you'll do great." Sharon looked 
back up and smiled.
 
"Thanks." I tried to smile, but it came out a little forced as I went back to 
eating. A minute of awkward silence still managed to fill the space between 
us.
 
"Look, I'm sorry okay." Sharon said with a much more desperate tone, 
"But sometimes I can't read you and I can't tell when it's okay to joke 
around and when it's not okay." 

That comment, or attempt on Sharon's part didn't go over well with me...at all.
 
"So let me get this straight," I said, Sharon watched as my left hand 
crumbled a napkin in a fit of aggravation.
 
"Look if you're going into a defensive mode, then let's just," Sharon 
snapped back.
 
"No just wait a second, let me finish Sharon..." I leaned in, angry now, 
"...I just want to understand what came out of your mouth..." Sharon 
proceeded to shift in her seat, adjusting her skirt, obviously fighting back 
the words that wanted to fly out of her mouth, although she had to know she was 
totally unjustified in this case. 

"Fine, go ahead" she gripped.
 
"You're basically saying..." I leaned in, lowering my voice, "...that because 
you 'CANT READ ME', that it's my fault you make insensitive comments?"
 
"That's not fair, that's not what I'm saying, I don't always do that..." Sharon 
started to lean over the table, also now speaking with a somewhat intense 
tone.
 
"Yes! Yes you do! You make crappy sarcastic comments all the time! Allot 
more then you are willing to admit! And it's absolutely insulting to sit here 
and listen to you rationalize your bad behavior." I spat.
 
"Your just being OVERLY-Defensive now and beating me up because you're 
having a hard time fitting in here at school!" Sharon interjected, pointing I 
finger at me. But I could tell she instantly regretted making that comment, 
it was purely mean-spirited. And as if on cue, I suddenly leaned back in 
my seat, an obvious look of hurt on my face.
 
"I'm sorry." Sharon pleaded, and her hard, defensive look turned soft and 
emotional. But I would have none of it and quickly looked down at my 
purse, sitting off to my right all the while my heart pounded in my chest, 
"Once again it's my fault, right? All my fault." My jaw flexed as I reached in 
withdrawing my share of the lunch and threw some cash on the table.
 
"I've got it!" Sharon quipped as also grabbed her purse.
 
"Whatever." I said and slid out of the both to stand up.
 
"Wait, where are you going?" Sharon fumbled now for her purse and 
looked up in shock.
 
"You think I'm going to sit around and argue, banter, whatever! While you 
try and blame me, insult me, no thank you." I quickly walked down the row 
of booths, several male students pausing and watching as we walked by.
 
"I said I was sorry!" Sharon called out after me.
 
I glared over I shoulder and shot back, "So what!" as if the apology didn't 
make anything better, Sharon's attempt to verbally settle things was not 
going to work this time. I stepped out into the sidewalk in front of the Cafˇ, 
I turned to my right and started walking back towards campus, a cool wind 
caught me head on and it felt good as I took a deep breath.
 
"Corbin! Wait!" I heard Sharon call out, and a couple of seconds later the 
brunette was at my side, "I can't believe you just walked out like that!" 
Sharon huffed.
 
"You see me walking don't you? I'm not going to argue with you Sharon, I'm sick 
of it."
 
"I don't want to argue either!" She pleaded. 

I suddenly stopped and pointed, causing her to stop abruptly "And I'm not going 
to be insulted or blamed for any of this, nor do I want to listen to your 
belittling backhanded apologies!" and then started walking away again.
 
"I'm sorry, okay, look will you stop!" Sharon tugged on the back of my 
shirt. Finally, I started to slow down and looked around silently pointing to 
a small common area with a bench to sit on. We quietly walked over to 
have a seat, a large oak provided some shade from the bright sun. Sharon 
collected her thoughts, "I really mean it, I am sorry, okay?" Sharon leaned 
forward trying to get me to look at her and eventually I turned and did 
look her in the eyes, taking a deep breath. It was a little reassuring to see 
Sharon looking extremely emotional, as if it was finally getting thru to her 
how upset I was.
 
"Well, I'm waiting." I said folding my left leg over I right.
 
"Waiting for what?" Sharon leaned back defensively.
 
"The usual crappy comment that follows your apology, so you don't have 
to take any of the blame." I said with an unemotional and stern stare.
"Okay, go ahead, beat me up. I know I'm not perfect, but this has to be a 
two way street you know." Sharon tensed up, knowing that I might take it 
wrong.
 
"What Sharon?" I in fact bristled with defensive posture, "Why do you want 
a two way street with someone that 'doesn't fit in' I snapped." Reminding 
Sharon once again of I comment back at the cafˇ.
 
"I said I was sorry for that I, I was just being mean, a bitch, okay?" 
Sharon pleaded and leaned back against the bench, her arm coming to 
rest on top of the backrest before speaking, "But you never once told me 
what was going on. You know, there's allot of stuff I share with you and 
talk about, but you still throw things out at me 'all of the sudden like' and I 
feel totally blind sided as your friend. And you want my total, unconditional 
support, yet you never even give me the slightest inclination with what is 
going on with you!" Sharon crossed her legs, "Gheesh, this is as bad as a 
boyfriend, with all the female baggage as well." Sharon moaned.

I had to fight off a smile at that last comment, "Sharon, look..." Sighing as I 
leaned back, slumping down in the park bench a little as I relaxed, 
"...sometimes, I don't always let you know what's going on."
 
"Well, it feels like you never let me in on things lately, point in fact how 
many times have I had things dropped on me when you come into the 
room and announce, 'I'm changing classes', 'I'm dropping this sport', 'I'm 
signing up for this and that', and I never had one inclination that you were 
even thinking about changing your mind, on anything! It's like you have 
this super secret side to yourself." Sharon talked quicker as I guess she 
saw the shake in my head indicating some protesting on my part. "I'm 
not saying I want you to REPORT to me on everything in your life, but 
you're my friend and I enjoy sharing things with you. Stuff that I only want 
you to know because I trust you and I hope you can trust me! It makes 
me feel better when we talk and maybe I just assumed it was the same for 
you also, that you would want to share all those little things in your life. 
I know this sounds corny, but because you're a part of my life and that's why I 
so desperately wanted you to be a part of all my social plans. Not to try and 
change you, but because I so enjoy your company." 

Sharon's right hand stretched out over the back of the bench and gently 
stroked my bicep. I glanced down at the touch and sighed, it was soothing 
and amazingly allot of my hostility seemed to evaporate with one simple 
physical act, and one hell of a speech.
 
"I'm sorry too." I sighed and rolled my eyes to disguise a faint glisten in 
the corner, "I'm not trying to shut you out or be withdrawn."
 
Sharon rubbed and patted my back, "I know school and everything has 
been stressful for you." Sharon leaned closer in, "But I shouldn't have 
been so rude during lunch." This was a big deal for Sharon as I watched 
her, at least in my own mind it was. Sharon had burned thru more 
friendships in her life because of that take-charge, 'fuck you', bitchy 
attitude. Yet I felt some sense of urgency at nurturing this friendship with 
me even though it felt like things had become a little shaky over the past 
few weeks. It felt good to see her make so much effort. 
 
I leaned forward, resting on my knees, my eyes traveling idly 
over the long blades of green grass around my shoes, "Sorry I blew up at 
you, and I shouldn't have walked out, my anxiety level is thru the roof 
right now that's all." I reached over with my right hand placed and placed it 
on Sharon's bare left knee
 
"We'll good, I'm glad that's settled!" Sharon straightened and smiled, "And 
we both agree I was right and you were wrong." 

We both laughed at that comment. Sharon stood up and adjusted her purse, "Let me 
know when your trying out for practice, I'll come watch and cheer you on!" 
Sharon pumped her left hand in the air and kicked her left foot out in a little 
impromptu Cheer salute.
 
"Yeah, I'd like that." I smiled and hugged Sharon around the waist.
 
(Things seem to be going better for me right? Well you just wait. Oh, and 
if you've guessed by now that I sound naive back in High School and 
College, well bingo you win a door prize, I was very naive. But that has all 
changed over the years.)


  
College_7