College 26
By Corbin
How life tests the endurance, patience, and sometimes faith of one young woman.
**********
"Strength and honor are her clothing: and she shall rejoice in time to
come."
-The Bible
**********
I try not to bump into anyone when I am out and about; be it shopping,
work, or wherever I might be traveling. It's a matter of courtesy I
think, that and I worry about offending anyone. Some people stroll along
in an oblivious state of mind, not watching where they are walking and
some people even have this arrogant stance/swagger as if they own the
sidewalk or aisle way. Guys do this allot, especially if they are in groups,
trying to project that manly, cocky swagger. You know what I mean, that
'Hey look at me, I'm a big shot, although I'm really a nobody.' attitude.
Single guys are the worst offenders, yet some of the blame lies in genetics
(it has to be) because it's so universal in it's application. The old mating
ritual where the loudest male is hoping to draw attention from a female,
yep you've got my attention now, YOU DORK! Okay, now what? Some light
banter, maybe a compliment or some bold invitation, but you really can't
be yourself now can you? Because you have your friend's watching, listening and
you don't want to show a side to yourself that could be construed as sensitive,
soft. No, you must remain aloof and cool. Some girl's like that arrogance, that
attitude, but they're idiots, so it's really a perfect pairing.
I was at Banana Republic (a clothing store for women and gay men, well
not really GAY men, but that's what I think). And I see this dress hanging
on a rack that I really wanted try on, but it meant having to navigate near
a group of people that were rather obnoxious. About five guys and two
girl's, the guys were trying to offer fashion input to the girl's, mostly in
joking context. Now, how does this involve me? We'll I observed a couple
of other girl's get barraged with corny jokes and pickup lines when they
got too close to the offending group.
'Okay, let's see if I can time this just right. When most of the guys have
their attention focused elsewhere, I'll slip in between them and that rack,
grab a couple of dresses and slip away to the dressing room.' Okay, I
make my move as my eyes focus on the dress, my left hand is reaching
out to grab the hanger...so far so good.
"If you model that for me, I'll buy it for you." I hear.
DAMN! I WAS SO CLOSE!!!!!
Shit *grumble*grumble*mumble*complain*groan*.
My left fist clenches the hanger and I cringe at such a stupid comment. I
am a fairly analytical person, because I am always calculating what my
next move may/could/would/should be...I hear the subtle sighs of amusement from
a few guys and girl's in there small click and that is what sets me off. Now
most people just shrug off a comment like that as being harmless...well
whatever...call it what you want you spineless losers but I don't let anyone off
the hook, well mostly.
"How about you shut the fuck up and mind your own business." I glare to
my right and snap. This guy must have blushed a dozen shades of red. Now it's
important that if you plan on responding like I just did you had better be
willing to back it up, because if this guy turns out to be a pro with sarcasm
he/she will throw a zinger right back at you, making YOU look like the idiot. So
I immediately follow-up with another comment;
"How about this, how about I go and try this on and if I like it you pay for it
anyway, foregoing the pleasure of seeing me wear it. How would like that?"
I step around to my right cause I'm navigating to the dressing room,
setting myself up for an out.
"How is that fair?" He chuckles, trying to regroup his thoughts, yeah what
thoughts? Can he generate a thought?
"You asked ME remember? Which mean's you still need my permission,
right?" I focus on him a little harder, but now I got a sales associate
standing to my right, uh-oh. "Something wrong?" The Sale's associate to
my right whispers at me, apparently I'm causing a scene.
"No, just trying to try-on a dress in peace." I groan and step around her,
storming off to the dressing room. At least the Sales-girl had the resolve to
step up to the group and ask them to keep it down. Meanwhile my whole
day was ruined after that, I went into the dressing room and sat down,
throwing that stupid dress on the floor while I tried to calm down. I hate
this shit, I hate blowing up at people, I've always tried to think of myself
as a 'lover not a fighter', but I'm flunking. Crap!
**********
I fell asleep on the couch the other night, when I awoke, I was in that
'where am I/what time is it/who am I?' state of mind. I noticed the TV was
on (PBS <gratuitous plug) and turned down low (Thanks Nik). I took a
deep breath and closed my eyes to say a prayer...and then daringly began
to flip the channel until I stopped on a station where people were running
around doing odd things. I really couldn't make sense of what the goals
were...many of them required completing tasks in a given time frame and
doing some pretty foul stuff. When a commercial broke it said the show
was 'The Amazing Race' ? I think.
Amazing? Amazing all right...AMAZINGLY STUPID!!!
How can anyone watch this drivel? Or any other contrived 'reality' show for
that fact. If you fall into such a viewer ship niche and are still reading
this...STOP...don't view my writing...in fact, leave this entire site! It's an
insult to me and all other intelligent people here. Go back to watching your
brain-dead Reality TV show you classless moron. Better yet, go outside
and, never mind....I'll stop my tangent now.
**********
Consequences.
There are consequences in life and I think allot of people don't want to
accept that. You see it happen all the time...in real life and via the media
outlets, when people say things and then act/appear SHOCKED when some
repercussion occurs because of what they did and/or said. Please, get with
the program you oblivious knucklehead, life is passing you by.
Anyway, that's where I am now, about mid way thru the last semester of
college when things really started to unravel.
So after my little brawl in the club parking lot, which did *NOT* help my
reputation as many people might think, no...in fact it had the opposite
effect. I was fairly shunned by most people now and pretty much retreated
into my own world, but that's what I wanted all along, right? To be left
alone and just move about my daily routine unencumbered by any and all
attention, again, isn't that what I wanted all along, isn't that what I have
always preached and asked for?
You see, if you reject enough invitations and come-on's, pretty soon even
the most dense people got tired of eating a spoonful of my attitude. I can
understand that, really I can, I suppose that most guys and girls are
looking at me by now and thinking 'You want to be left alone? FINE! You
got it honey! In fact...FUCK OFF!' Even the guys who hounded me for dates
eventually saw me as a liability; Unpredictable and unstable to be
around, generally all-around moody.
Ahhh and now the hardest part to admit, kicked back to some third string,
bench-warmer on the Soccer team, my own fault really, I had lost all focus
and drive to compete and the Coach was very kind about it; "Your heart
just isn't in it anymore Corbin." He said. It was true...I was pretty much
going thru the motions those last couple of months of college, the only
thing I continued doing with any passion was my studies, lifting and
attending my martial arts classes. Although I had a bad attitude in my
martial arts class as well, I don't give a damn about
tradition/philosophy/spirituality or any of that crap just show me how to
fight.
"You have a bad attitude Corbin." The instructor said in his best firm, but
concerned expression after class one evening.
"I know." I stated expressionless, standing in my white Gi, dripping in
sweat from the workout. Nikki walked by and gave me a concerned glance, and
friendly pat on the back but kept walking. On a side note, Nikki and I were
still dear friends, she had also broken up with Rob, so that left us to date
each other right? Unfortunately I was too big of a chicken shit to step up and
make any decisions. I was totally confused about allot of things at this point
in my life and knew that Nic wanted a commitment from me, old story there,
I know it's already been covered so I'll drop it for now.
"So what are you going to do about it?" He fired right back folding his arms
across his chest, trying to give me some of his tough love.
"I don't know." I said and kept staring him in the eye, no cockiness, just a
simple 'I don't know'. I think he could tell I was in trouble, that kind of
floating thru the void kind of trouble (which I guess is better then doing drugs
kind of trouble). I took some time off from martial arts, that left lifting and
classes to focus on.
So what did I do? I took a job at a local restaurant on the outskirts of town
for some extra cash. Initially I wanted to apply for a hostess position, but
settled for a waitress job. It's a very nice place, a small family owned
French Restaurant that was very high-end and romantically oriented, ironic
huh seeing that Dale and I were no longer together. Almost all the clientele
were rarely from campus, they were older folks looking for a nice quiet
night out. It was fairly demanding because it was one of those places
where I have to be able to recite everything from memory...had to learn
about fine wines and such. I liked it, nice job with a nice boss and the wife
of the owner used to always hug me at closing, she was so sweet to me.
The job was therapy for me, totally out of the whole campus scene. I know
allot of guys and girls that take jobs close to school, to be around
friends...to totally immerse themselves in that whole College life 24/7. But
I purposefully selected a place that was off the beaten path, where I rarely
ever saw a fellow student, oh I saw the occasional professor or school
administrator come in for dinner with his or her significant other, but that
was about it.
I got to become good friends with the bartender there and a few of us
would usually sit at the bar after closing to have a few drinks before going
home.
Upon closing one night, an older man came in and sat down at the
bar next to me, which was okay because I was done for the evening.
"Hi Corbin." He said as if I should know him, but I didn't recognize the
voice. 'What?' I thought to myself as I glanced over, just a brief glance but
really didn't recognize the man. He was an older gentleman, maybe in his
late fifties with a grayish beard and mustache, very distinguished looking.
But still I was having trouble placing the face, maybe I had seen him
around campus, maybe he was a Prof? The lighting in this restaurant is
fairly dim, for that romantic feeling and so heavy shadows were cast on
everything...I mean, it did have a nice setting, but I'm trying to ID this guy
and could use a spotlight right about now.
"Dr. McGrann." He said in a plain tone and ordered a drink as he gave me
a casual glance over. Now, that name did sound familiar as I knew a Dr.
McGrann, he was one of my professors, but I still couldn't make the
connection to this guy.
"Dr. McGrann is a friend of mine and speaks highly of you." The man kept
speaking and finally turned in his chair towards me, outstretching his left
hand. I just looked at that hand like it was contaminated for a second,
trying to figure out this guy's angle. Not wanting to be rude and still in my
waitress attire I decided that I should do the respectful thing and shake
hands.
"I'm Dr. Becker."
"Nice to meet you Dr. Becker." I smile and he's touching my hand a little
longer then I like so I pull away at this point, shifting in my stool, crossing
my left leg over my right.
"Please call me David." He says, sipping on his drink.
'Ahhh just great, I got a professor hitting on me now.' I groan privately
and look down at my glass of wine. This isn't the first time either, I've
gotten lots of vibes from Professors over the years, but most are pretty
clever about how and when they put that vibe out. It's really like playing
with dynamite, even the hint of impropriety on the part of a Professor can
send a career into a major nose dive. But the looks...subliminal
suggestions are there....things I see...and hear. I seem to have a major
talent for being in the right place at the right time so as to overhear just
enough to confirm my suspicions. I glance up at Ytienne, the bartender, to
see a slight look of amusement on his face as he begins to pack up the bar
for the evening, he like's watching me squirm like this...bastard!
So I'm awkwardly shifting my wine glass around on the bar as the good Dr.
takes another sip of his drink, "Nice to meet you David." I sigh and sip on
my wine before scooting off my bar stool. "Sorry, but I have to close out
some things." I say with a slight nod of acknowledgment. I try not to be
abrupt or rude, after all he's not being mean or disrespectful to me and
he's got a very distinguished look going on with that beard and casual
suite.
"That's okay." He smiles and gives a slight wave of his hand to my
departure. When I came from the back of the restaurant with my stuff
about fifteen minutes later, he was gone 'Whew, good, no more small chit
chat.' I think as I walk out the front door. I started fishing for my keys
from my purse when my right eye catches the Professor leaning against
his car, arms folded in a very casual posture. I just freeze and glance
around, it's only him and me in the empty parking lot. The owners park
around back. He really wasn't creepy looking, but the atmosphere was
creepy cause this place in located off a small two lane road, somewhat
isolated and there's this giant roadside lamp as the main source of
illumination. You know the kind, that has a swarm of insects buzzing the
light during those warm spring/summer evenings.
"Would you like to have a drink with me? There's a little bar down the
street." He pushes off from his car and clasps his hands in front of his waist
as he takes a somewhat meek, non-threatening posture. Smart move on
his part, this is one of those freaky scenes most girl's dread cause while
I'm hoping for the best I'm actually planning for the worst, that he is not
some crazed stalker/abductor who is about to pull a gun out. But if that
happens you better just kill me now cause no one is taking me alive
against my will. Well, I don't see him reaching for anything, but just in case
my right hand (which is still in my purse) now has a firm grip on my can of
mace and my finger discreetly flicks open the safety flap so my thump can press
down on the trigger. So this guy is real close to getting his eyes burned out
of his skull if he makes one wrong move.
"You okay?" He says with his head cocked, looking concerned.
"Oh...oh yeah..." I stutter like a fool, totally forgetting he asked me a
question, "Look..." I relax a little, deciding it's best to get this over with
here and now, "...I don't date professors, or school faculty, or..."
"Or older men?" He raises an eyebrow, "And I'm not asking you for a date
Corbin, just some company."
Now I'm not sure what this is all about, 'some company' he says? But he
seems way too casual about this, like I'm wondering if he makes a habit of
asking women for 'some company', and why am I the lucky gal tonight? Or
maybe he has nothing to loose...maybe he's lonely...maybe he has some
balls on him and is just confident that me rejecting his offer won't dent his
self-esteem.
"Are you married?" I fire the question and study his expression.
"Divorced." He says and smiles slightly. AH HA! I caught him, his eyes did
that little glance, he's checking out my legs (wearing a knee length black
skirt) and my boobs. I think he is? I don't know...but I am sure that he is NOT
studying the parking lot, or my car. I knew the spot down the street he
was speaking of, it was kind of quiet and out of the way place, no worries
about being seen by other student's which would just start the gossip mill
running at full steam. So now I'm running my tongue around the inside of
my mouth nervously as I'm actually thinking about accepting his offer! (I
know what most of you are thinking, 'ARE YOU CRAZY! Don't talk to
strangers, this guy could be some freak! Well maybe, and maybe I should
just walk around living my life in fear, or maybe I should just slink away
like some little scared girl. I could tell him to LEAVE ME ALONE, but the fact
is I wasn't scared of him and *I* decide when, where and with whom I share my
time.)
'Sure why not' I think, and I sigh, "For a few minutes, I'll follow you." and
turn to walk to my car, catching the briefest displays of joy in his face.
"Thank you." I hear him say as he gets into his own car. At this point, I
really didn't give a shit about how things looked, because I had already
told myself there were boundaries here, and I actually envisioned a civil,
intelligent conversation ensuring. 'What a delightful change of pace that
would be.' Well I was pleasantly surprised all right, from the moment we
arrived David was a total gentleman, opening the door for me, pulling out
the chair as I sat down. But I instructed him to sit across the table from
me, because it's not a date.
Almost as soon as we sat down the waitress was there, I ordered an Ice
Tea. "How do you know me?" I ask when the waitress leaves.
"Corbin, your name is all over the place, academically you've done
exceptionally and..."
"And I can be a troublemaker." I finished the sentence for him.
"Not at all!" He protested and sat back in his chair.
"This isn't going anywhere." I looked at him sternly, but the waitress
appeared with the drinks and we sat in uncomfortable silence until she
disappeared.
"Like I said, just some company is all I ask." He said.
"Why me? What makes me so special that you had to track me down in the
middle of the night. Borderline stalking if you ask me." I was going to grill
the crap out of this guy I decided.
"You are direct, aren't you?" He smiles as his right hand does a nervous
little scratch on his beard, but the smile faded as he seemed to
contemplate something serious and I think I caught sight of the first crack
in his armor, like something emotional.
"I'm just looking for answers." I say and watch as he slowly pushes his
glass aside so he can bring his elbows up on the table and lean forward
some.
"All I know of you is the scholarly praise your professor's sing. They also
say your wise, witty, and..."
"...attractive." I interjected, still trying to rattle him some.
"I won't dispute that. But I'm an aging, older man Corbin, past my prime
and I could choose to sit at home reviewing class schedules and reading,
while the TV plays in the background for company. Or maybe...just maybe,
I could try and make an effort to do something about my condition." He
then glanced away.
"What 'condition' is that?" I ask bringing the glass up to my lips.
"Loneliness" He says in a solemn tone.
"Certainly are a lot of lonely people in this world." I responded, but in a
kind way, which was strategic on my part because he was trying to spill his
guts here at my feet and I could break this poor guy emotionally (and
physically) over my knee. Or I could engage him in some conversation to
help bolster his spirits, and maybe even mine too. By the way, if he was
full of crap, my B.S. detector would go off during the conversation. But it
never did, my B.S. detector that is, David was indeed just an older man
looking for some companionship and he never tried anything inappropriate.
I hear about younger women and even a few acquaintances of mine that
allow themselves to become wooed by older men, much older men. But I
just don't get that, I've talked with allot of older guys and never had a
romantic notion enter my brain, although I could tell they were trying damn
hard to work one in there. So, David and I would have lunch sometimes on
campus and talk about politics, social studies, life and philosophy. Oh and
this is where I think many of you will get a real kick, his focus seemed to
shift over the next couple of weeks to my sports. Seems like he had a
keen interest in my athletic abilities and was totally fascinated by that. It
was interesting to watch, he was a captivated audience to my simple
regurgitation of life on and off the athletic field and my background in
gymnastics. He never had the guts to come out and ask anything personal,
or to touch my muscles and stuff (not that I would let him), but given
enough time he just might have...asked that is.
**********
I was looking down at the tile floor, sweating profusely and feeling pretty damn
good, I was starting to get my focus back into the game, the Coach had even
commented that she was damn impressed with my concentration and team play today.
"You go girl." Nikki said and rubbed my back, she stepped over the bench and
opened her locker next to mine.
"I should have come to you after Dale and I broke up." I looked up and
whispered, gheesh where did that come from? Talk about jumping right into the
'thick of it'.
"It's okay." Nik said and simply shrugged.
"Hey," I grabbed her right hand with my left and gave a gentle tug indicating I
wanted her to sit, Nikki's left hand ran thru her hair and over her ears as if
she was thinking about something, her hair like mine was damp with sweat. Most
of the other girls were already gone or in the shower by now so there was some
privacy to be had. Even with the noted privacy, Nik reluctantly sat down next to
me, I let out a sigh while still holding her hand.
"I wanted you to come see me." Nik said, and I could see this amazing look
transpire from irritation, even anger, to one of sadness all in a few seconds.
"It was just..." I leaned in close to speak, but Nikki started speaking again so
I let her continue.
"When I heard you and Dale split," Nikki interrupted and then looked up at me,
"I was also freaking out, you think I walk around with everything put together?
Who did I have to turn to when Rob and split? Yeah I have friends, but none that
I could confide in where my feelings for YOU were concerned." Just then Nikki's
eyes got red, I could literally see the veins filling with blood as the first
hint of tears began. I swallowed hard and held her hand even tighter, I was so
relieved to feel her squeeze mine back.
"You're my whole world Nikki, my whole world, that feeling is so overwhelming
and to think that at the age of 21 you could be my whole future," I didn't feel
like I was making sense and leaned away, in fact I turned my head away
embarrassed, "I just overanalyze everything, I guess I just end up wasting so
much time, I don't know how you put up with me."
The corner of my left eye caught her face moving in close to my left ear, I
smelled the sweat coming off her body and of all her other wonderful scents, it
was wonderful.
"I love you, that's why I put up with you." She whispered.
A bustle of noise snapped us to attention and once again we were making
ourselves look busy, standing and digging thru our lockers, "I'm just going to
shower here, you?"
"Yeah, might as well." Nikki sighed. I wrapped a towel around my midsection,
slipped on my flip flops and walked toward the showers passing the noisy girls
leaving the shower.
"No hanky panky you two!" A couple of them shouted at us.
"Ho ho ho, ha ha ha" Nikki mocked them in return and I even smiled.
I felt like I was moving so slow, removing the towel and hanging it up, the
initial spray of cold water didn't even register, I kept turning the handle
until the hot water was coming out now. I glanced over to my right, Nikki had
taken up a shower head several feet away, it didn't bother me, we typically do
this kind of thing, both of us recoiling from each other after a heavy moment so
as to reflect on things. I shuddered and found myself admiring her body like I
have done a million times before, each time feels like the first though. Her
body reminded me of a sculpture, flawless in its design and beauty, her toned
muscles revealed themselves in every movement. The glossy sheen of water really
brought out her tanned skin, but her skin was naturally dark anyway, yet for
some reason her Portuguese heritage was really on display now. Nik looked up and
gave me the quickest of smiles.
"Hey sexy!" *POP*
"AHH!" I shrieked and reached around to cover my stinging backside. Dana had
just come wheeling around the corner and slapped me on the ass, hard, she was
now standing in the shower to my right.
"Shit you scared me." I took a deep breath and started to rub my left butt
cheek, "that really stung!" I complained.
"Good." She smiled, "Can I do it again?"
"Hell no." I said.
"Hey super sexy!" Dana called over to Nikki.
"Hey yourself." Nikki smiled.
Dana was an out-and-out lesbian, she had her hair cut really short, kind of
spiky, and had that masculine air about her, she even walked like a guy. She is
a combination of what I call pretty and handsome, easy on the eyes overall.
"Hey, you and Nikki want to come over tonight and eat dinner? Sam and I are
going to order in some Chinese, we could all hang out, chill and just bullshit?
What do you say?" Dana looked over at me and then Nikki, then back to me.
I looked at Nik and shrugged, "Yeah, that sounds good, Nik?" I looked over at
her.
"Okay, what time?"
"Six'ish" Dana said and flipped off the shower, "See you guys then." And
strutted out of the shower still dripping wet. "Gheesh, if you two take any
longer you'll turn into prunes." She called out right as she turned the corner.
I smiled and quickly finished up, leaning over to scrub my forever grass
stained knees. I heard Nikki's shower shut off and she was wrapping the towel
around her body, by the time she was walking past me I was done wrapping mine.
My heart was pounding harder and I had to trust my instincts now, I prayed I was
right in my impulsiveness as I reached over and grabbed her. She didn't resist
and what a relief, 'UH OH!' I thought and turned my head to sneeze.
"Sorry." I chuckled, Nikki laughed and wrapped her arms around my neck, we both
knew that I sometimes sneezed when I get excited. I tilted my head off to the
right and Nikki mirrored my move, without hesitation we were in a deep kiss and
it was wonderful, raw, and emotional. Not to mention highly erotic to be kissing
after a hot shower, still dripping wet only the cotton towels separating our
nude bodies. It lasted only a minute as we got ourselves under control,
affection wise that is, Nikki surprised me as she lost her composure and let out
a quick sob, quickly lowering her head onto my shoulder, I simply stroked her
hair and whispered "Everything is going to be okay." Even if I didn't know that
for sure, but I was telling myself to be the strong one for Nik now, that she
had been such a pillar of strength for me, always trying to guide the two of us
in the past, looking for the philosophical and spiritual approach to things. I
had come to rely on that so much, but I could tell it was my turn to be strong
for her, and me.
**********
"You think Dana has an ulterior motive?" I asked as I drove us over there to her
apartment.
"Probably, but we'll see." Nikki was nervously adjusting her skirt and top,
flipping down the passenger side mirror to check her hair a few times.
"You look beautiful." I smiled over at her.
"Thank you, so do you." Nik sighed and reached over to rub my thigh.
"But I'm not going to sit around and be lectured about being 'openly gay or
bisexual' by some pot head." I suddenly spouted out loud.
"I don't think she will do that, besides, she's been thru everything you and are
going thru." Nikki sighed nervously.
Nik was right, we had no clue what we were doing and we had never discussed our
feelings with anyone, ever! Yet we both knew Dana just wanted to be supportive
as we struggled thru something she and Sam had already been thru a couple of
years ago. And yes, Dana is a pot head but don't let that fool you, she has an
impeccable GPA and is a great Soccer player.
"WOW!" Was the first thing Dana blurted out when she opened the door, "You two
are a couple of knock outs!"
Sam (short for Samantha) was back with the Chinese as we sat around eating, both
Nikki and I had our guard up, emotionally that is, but a few drinks later
and I was starting to relax.
Dana stood up and walked over to the small cabinet opposite the couch where Nik
and I sat, it was a simple piece of furniture that housed a TV and stereo
system, she pressed a button and soon soft music was filling the room. She
turned and in what seemed like one fluid motion she was sitting down facing us,
Indian style on the floor. Her right hand reached over to a drawer and pulled
out a bag.
'Great, here we go.' I privately sighed.
"Either of you want one?" She held up the bag and that's when I started to get
all twitchy and nervous because it was a bag of skinny rolled marijuana joints,
I think.
"No way." I said sternly.
"Nope." Said Nikki.
"Do you mind if I go ahead?" Dana looked up from the floor before lighting it.
"Sure." I shrugged and looked at Nikki, Nikki just smiled and said "Fine
with me."
No it wasn't fine, I hated drugs and would normally have flipped out, the same
with Nikki, on top of that I was having to suppress my fears of the police
busting down the doors in some drug raid, with a COPS video crew plastering our
pictures all over the TV...AHA, My life is ruined!
"You okay?" Nikki whispered and gripped my right wrist.
"Huh, yeah." I smiled and brushed the sweat off my cheek.
"Oh I love this one." Dana inhaled long and deep, her body softly swaying to
to a song by Sting.
I leaned forward and lowered my head to catch some of the words, it was a
beautiful melody, "What's it called?" I asked.
Almost the same time, Nik and Dana said, "I burn for you." To which Dana
winked at Nikki and I, we were all blushing a little and then Dana passed her
joint to Sam who had taken a seat next to her on the floor.
'And your love flows through me
Though I drink at your pool
I burn for you, I burn for'
"That's nice." I said softly as I sought to remember the song for a future
purchase.
'And your love flows through me
Though an ocean soothes my head
I burn for you, I burn for'
"Help yourself to some more drinks." Dane pointed to the kitchen, well that
snapped me to attention and I jumped at the invitation, I needed to relax some
more and stood up, "Nik?" I looked down.
"Yeah, bring me a glass."
I sat back down and handed Nik her glass, once we had taken a few sips Dana
started talking and I go nervous, very nervous, my right hand brushed against
Nikki's left and we both instinctively wrapped our arms around one another and
clasped hands.
There were no great revelations and I am not sure why I thought there would be,
but as Nikki explained later, it was nice just to be able to openly talk about
our feelings for one another. Sam and Dana were wonderful, they listened and
never lectured me or Nik and we felt like we could trust them (even if Dana is a
pot head). After all, Nik and I have only had each other to talk to, and forget
about my friend Sharon, she makes a great sounding board sometimes, but she
always brought her own prejudices and agendas to the table.
I shifted the car into park at sat there for a second outside Nikki's apartment,
letting the car idle, we had not said much on the way back from Dana's.
"Corbin" "Nikki" We both spoke almost at the same time.
"Sorry" I said, "This is so silly, I feel so awkward and shy, I don't even know
why."
"Yeah." Nikki smiled at me, but her head was lowered a little.
"Go ahead, you first." I said and twisted a thin platinum ring on my right
pinky.
"Maybe we should try going on a date?"
I leaned over and kissed her, "I would love to go on a date with you." I said
and we kissed for several more seconds. Pulling back I watched as she wet her
lips, we reluctantly said our goodbyes after a few more kisses.
"This Saturday night?" She asked me.
"You bet."
The drive back to my apartment was short but uneasy, I teetered between joy and
fear, I had just said yes to a date, a date with Nikki, ANOTHER GIRL! HOLY SHIT!
'You big dummy' my subconscious scolded me, 'you were getting ready to ask her
out, so what's the problem?'
**********
Things seemed to be improving overall, life seemed to be calming down for me. I
had started to get myself oriented for graduation and making that big
transition from College to Work life. But I let my guard down and didn't see
the setup, a setup that came from someone close to me. Sharon invited
me to a sorority conference/meeting/whatever, I wasn't in a sorority but
she asked me to come along just to hang out and I thought nothing of it,
seemed innocent enough and I am sure it would have a high entertainment
value.
Well holy shit! It seemed like this was THE gathering of sorority girl's, but
the whole event had a somewhat tense overtone to the evening. I came
attired in my typical fashion, flip flops, tee shirt....you know the drill
folks.
So I'm next to Sharon, just relaxing in my chair scoping out this massive
gathering, trying to figure out what all this is about. And now I get the
feeling like my presence is causing a bit of a stir amongst some of the
girls, but so much gossipy crap was going on I thought I was just reading
too much into it.
"What's this all about Sharon?" I lean over to my left trying to get her
attention, but her damn mouth is moving a hundred miles an hour. So I
have to do some detective work on my own and go to stand up, well that sure gets
Sharon's attention because she is grabbing my left arm pulling me back down,
"Where are you going?" She asks.
"Walk around, looks like I saw a table of food over there." I say.
"No...please just stay right here okay. Please, just wait till I'm done." She
grips my left forearm tight.
"Okay, okay." I groan and sit back down. She smiles and pats me on the
back, rubbing and scratching my shoulders with her fingernails, god I love
that...that is the best feeling. Sends soothing tingles up and down my
spine. But damn, my tummy is growling as I think about that food, I am actually
pretty relaxed, Nikki and I had our first official date the previous weekend and
we figured that the best way to proceed was to do things we both liked, going to
the movies, the bookstore and so on. I smiled to myself thinknign that it seemed
like we were just some normal couple, 'Ha!' my inner voice mocked, 'Nothing
normal about you.' Shut the hell up I told myself. :) What can I say, I've got
problems.
So the meeting gets called to order as several reps from each of the sororities
step up, Sharon included, addressing all of the gathered women. Well,
seems that this is the moment of truth now because the issue at hand is
about to be discussed. Well, to sum things up, this is apparently a powwow
of sorts, an attempt at making piece amongst the tribes of girl's.
Apparently, a war of words, threats, and even some minor fights have
escalated over the past few months, so now my radar goes on full alert
because some of the girl's get into some pretty heated verbal exchanges.
Cooler heads prevail and wouldn't you know it, allot of the accusations are
being directed at Sharon, big surprise there. You see, when Sharon stabs
someone in the back it's not with a knife...no, Sharon does it with a big
stinking, rusty chainsaw and drives it in deep. Still, none of this explains
why I am here as I'm looking around, trying to take in all the talking and
figure out who is friends with whom and who has a bone to pick. And why
do I keep getting these odd looks from some of the girl's? Oh shit! I've
decked a few of these girl's too so I'm not getting friendly looks
either, OH fudge!
I take a deep breath and lean back in my chair doing another glance
around. I had just finished scanning the room when my head paused, I
was now looking to my right and this girl is looking me dead on. She's not
gossiping, finger pointing or any of that, she's just looking at me and
slowly smiles, not a full blown smile but just a slight one. It had a warm
quality to it so I kind of smiled back like a goof ball, cause it seems
friendly enough. I don't recognize her, but she's kind of big, not fat but
just big and tall, looks pretty damn athletic, but she also looks new...like
new to the school. Hmmm, I can't make heads or tails of any of this, well
actually come to think of it, now that word was spreading that Nikki and I went
on a date, allot of the lesbians on campus had zeroed in on Nik and I, and then
I got the creeps, is this girl hitting on me?
Well, turns out some resolution is reached because Sharon is all smiles as
she makes her way back, but I can tell she has allot on her mind. She is
such a little schemer.
"Sharon, what the hell is this..."
"SHHHH!" She hushes me and leans in close, "Please, I'll explain when we
get back to the apartment." But I'm getting irritated now 'cause I feel like I
am being used for something and I don't like it.
**********
"I know your mad." Sharon says and is stroking my back and arms, trying
to hopefully calm my rising tide of emotions. I can't believe my ears as I
sit in my room listening to her tell me this stupid plan she had hatched.
"I don't appreciate any of what you did Sharon." I nervously massage my
temples and cheeks, something I do when I'm very agitated. My right leg
bounces up and down on the ball of my foot quickly, another sure sign I
was getting pissed.
"I'm sorry, but I needed your help." She continues to plead.
"Help! Help Sharon?!" I snap and bolt from the chair, pushing her hands off
me as I pace the room, "What fucking help! You call that helping! Who did
that help? 'Cause sure as shit didn't help me! I don't want any problems
Sharon, don't' drag me into your problems! My life is finally feeling a little
settled!"
"I know, I know you don't want any trouble baby." Sharon whispered and
was all over me, trying to calm me down, massaging my back and neck.
That's my weak spot, a back and neck massage and she knows how to
give one too, but those damn fingernails of hers, she'll run them up my
back and arms....okay...wait...I'm fucking pissed at her right now!
"I'm sorry." She kept repeating, "But if I had asked for your help, you
would have said 'no'."
"Your damn right!" I groaned. So the cause of my anger was that Sharon
had used me as a ringer, the heavy, an ace to be played, all I had to do
was just sit and be quiet, everyone there would just assume I was taking
sides with Sharon and her sorority. Sharon had planed this days in advance, her
innocent invitation wasn't so innocent and put me right me right in the middle
of an ongoing rift amongst several groups of girls.
"I'm not involved in any of this Sharon, I'm not attending any more of your
functions, that was very underhanded what you did luring me there under
false pretenses." I spun around and jabbed my finger into the tip of her
nose.
"I know, it was awful of me I'm sorry please forgive me..." and she
starts to cry, clutching and hugging me. Oh good grief, here we go with the
sobs and tears as I have to listen to her poor-pitiful-me story.
"Yeah Sharon, I can forgive you, but your really hurting how much I can trust
you." I said and hugged her back.
"I know, I'll make it up to you." She sure tried to make it up to me all right,
kissing my ass for the next several days, waiting on me hand and foot.
*********
What does it take to have a relaxing week? Hell, I'd take a relaxing day!
And that's just what I have planned. A few days later I'm in the women's
shower after some heavy lifting, and I'm feeling really good to, that
pumped feeling where I got my heart racing and sweat oozing from every
pore. So I take a quick shower to rinse off and put my bathing suit on,
because now I'm looking forward to getting into that Jacuzzi and letting
those jets workout some of the tension from my body. Oh boy...here I
come! Like some giddy school girl I have a big grin on my face as I set my
towel down and slip my left, then right, leg in, easing myself into the hot
bubbling water.
"Ohhh...ahhhh...." I just grin from ear to ear as I settle down and I'm
alone too, even better. I prop the towel under my head as I lay it back and
stretch my arms out along the edge. I close my eyes and just tune all my
troubles out, the sizzling bubbles have this calming effect as I sit and can
feel everything just melting away, the only thing that would top things off
would be to have Nikki hear next to me, but she was busy studying.
'Huh?' my head jerks up cause I sense someone else was suddenly
stepping into the Jacuzzi with me, I was kind of groggy and blinked a few
times as I look up and this girl is looking down at me, dressed in a dark
blue one piece suite...holy fuck...it's that girl....that girl from the meeting,
the big one that was looking at me, the one that casually smiled. Like
she's doing right now. She has one leg in the tub already and pauses when
she sees me look up at her.
"Do you mind if I join you?" She asks in a polite tone.
"No, not at all." I say, actually I do mind, I was resting. So I try and give
the girl a hint, I lay my head back and close my eyes.
"You were at that meeting the other night, were you not?" She asks.
Just great, she wants to have a conversation with me now? So I slowly pull
my head up and blink a few times, my right hand brushes some sweat
from my eyelids as I study the girl, I've never really gotten a good look at
her and now she's only a few feet from me. She's bobbing up and down a
little bit, her chin touching the swirling water as she simply stares at me.
She's got wavy, brown hair down to about the middle of her neck. I don't
know how I would classify her looks, she's got that unusual shape to her
face that is almost masculine...handsome even? Her complexion is light
and her eyes are dark brown. So there you have it, somewhat square jaw
line, strong chin but a nice perfect, clean smile that compliments her face.
Her nose is straight but performs a slight bend when she fully smiles, and I
wonder if it's been broken before.
"I was there." I say and pull my arms back into the water from where I
had them resting on the edge of the Jacuzzi, I get the feeling she is sizing
me up. Actually, we're sizing each other up.
"But your not in a sorority." She responds and the left corner of her mouth
slightly curls into a smile.
"No, are you?" I ask.
"Yep. So I was just curious, why you were there, because it was a member's only
function. Sharon upset allot of people bringing you along."
"I'm sorry, your name was?" I tense up a little, getting irritated with this
line of questioning, and besides I would really like to know with whom I am
talking. Well the girl actually blushes and her right hand comes up and
covers her face out of embarrassment, it was actually kind of cute.
"I'm Courtney, I transferred a couple of weeks ago from Penn State." She
sits up and leans forward to extend her right arm to shake, so I oblige her
and grasp her right hand with mine.
"I'm Corbin." But I think she already knew that, odd how so many people I
don't know seem to know my name...very odd! AH! She's freaking
squeezing the crap out of my hand so I squeeze back but she is no slouch,
the girl has a strong arm and before I can up the pressure she let's go and
pulls away. Oh, okay so now she's just messing with me, how cute.
"To answer your question, I wasn't aware of a 'members only' formality or
anything else that was planned for the evening. I just tagged along at Sharon's
request." I shrugged and rolled my eyes.
"That's cool..." Courtney smiles, "...your buddy Sharon is full of allot little
mischievous tricks." And rolls her head around on her fairly strong looking
neck.
I still can't figure out this girl's angle, is she just wanting to chit chat?
But I hope this doesn't turn into a Sharon-bashing speech, I don't like people
talking bad about Sharon, I'm allowed to, but no one else :)
"I bet she's not the only one." I quip and can feel myself getting irritable.
"Yeah, but nobody's in her league." Courtney gives me this hard stare and
that's when I decide I've had enough of this pointless banter and go to stand
up. My sudden movement seems to startle Courtney some as she
gets this perplexed, worried look on her face. My right hand grabs the
railing to my right to steady myself as my left reaches for my towel when I
hear and feel a loud, wet *SPLAT*. I look down and Courtney has just shot
her left leg out of the water, placing the bottom of her foot against my
stomach. That takes some freaking guts let me tell you, that was a hell of
a bold move to do that and looks up at me with a smile while her dripping wet
foot remains planted on my abs. Well, it was her way of saying she wanted me to
stop.
"Please stay." She says and slowly withdraws her foot back into the water,
her face breaks out into this big smile.
"Why?" I ask in a pretty firm voice and figure I need to make a decision
quick cause I don't like having this girl eyeing me like she is. She's not
giving me any kind of sexual look, but she's studying me, looking at my
arms, legs and over all physique...like she is analyzing me, assessing me.
So I decide to get a little mouthy with her as I place my left hand on my
hips, right where the cut of the suit rests over my hips, "Are you getting a
good look?"
"What?" She suddenly looks up at my face.
"Are you done checking me out, would you like for me to pose or turn
around so you can see the back of me?" I shrug in a very nonchalant
manner.
"Don't get defensive Corbin, please sit down for a minute." Courtney waves
her hand to my former resting place.
"On one condition." I groan.
"What's that?" Courtney looks up, putting on this innocent act.
"You tell me what this is all about?" I demand, and she simply nods 'Yes',
to which I slowly settle back into the water, still not convinced she's going
to be forth coming, but want to hear her out anyway.
"Yes, I admit, I was looking at you." Courtney pipes up as I adjust myself
back into the water, but I'm not relaxed anymore, "Your in awesome
shape, but I'm not here to talk about that..."
"Good." I snap.
"I'm here..." Courtney sighs and begins to slide around the circular Jacuzzi
towards where I am sitting, "...because of why you were at that meeting."
"I told you why..." my voice with a hint of anger as I watch her creep
closer to me, I've got my arms and legs all folded up close to my body.
Gheesh, I'm nervous, and shaking a little which is odd.
"Yeah, I know you told me why and I believe you, but now I need to tell
you something." She says and still maintains this incredibly calm exterior,
a real poker-face expert. Damn, I'm in over my head on this one, this girl
is so incredibly smooth and cool it's really unnerving me.
"Okay...tell me...." My voice is quaking a little as I'm not sounding so sure
of myself and now she pauses, still seated, but like only a couple of feet
from me, this is the closest we've ever been to one another and Courtney
looks me dead in the eyes.
"I was there for the same reason." She says softly and gives me this faint
grin. Nothing condescending, kind of sincere even.
"For the sorority, right?" I state.
"As a Sorority member I was there because I wanted to support my
Sisters." Courtney turns towards me now as I watch her left elbow raise
and prop up on the edge of the Jacuzzi. "Now, the secondary reason has to
do with Sharon..."
"Wait a second..." I jump in.
"Don't interrupt, I'm almost finished." Courtney gives me the first real hard
glare of our entire, thus far civil conversation. And I admit, I was a tad
intimidated cause up close she is a big, strong looking girl and while I was
more cut, she was my equal in muscle mass, if not a little bulkier. One
strong piece of evidence was that arm she had up on the edge of the jacuzzi. So
anyway, my mouth is hanging wide open as she scolds me about interrupting her
and I feel my face become flushed with anger and a little embarrassment.
"If Sharon messes with our Sorority again, I'm going to put the screws to
that bitch anyway I see fit. We are fed up with her bullshit." Courtney says
in a flat, a-matter-of-fact manner. So my heart is pounding in my chest
and I'm sweating profusely now cause I'm totally confused about all of this.
"Now, you are Sharon's buddy..." Courtney suddenly smiles a little and her
left index finger raises a little and strokes my bare shoulder, I don't recoil
from her touch but I'm not comfortable with it either, "...and I expect that
you would do anything within your power to help Sharon, that is, if you
thought she needed your help right?"
"Right." I look at her with my own hard, cold expression. Courtney's eyes
drift from my own and seem to look down at the bubbling water that
surrounds us before glancing back at me.
"Even though you know Sharon is in the wrong?" Courtney let's out a deep
sigh and I have to admit, I really didn't know at that point, would I stick up
for Sharon is she pulled something underhanded? How many times can I
defend someone (Sharon) who has exhibited an almost compulsive
disorder in her acquisition for power and control at any cost. Damn,
Courtney is watching me sit and stew while she's still stroking my right
shoulder and bicep. It's too late, I'm hesitating now and she can tell.
"Look Corbin..." Courtney gives me a really sweet smile and then does
something that freaks me out, she wraps her left arm around my shoulders
and pulls us close together. I can feel the outside of my right thigh
pressing against the length of hers under the water as our bodies crush against
one another. Not hard, but the outside of my right breast is
pressing against her left in this tight, cozy hug she's giving me. "...and
don't worry, I'm not going to make a pass at you, but I do like you as a
person. I didn't expect to like you and I didn't want to, but you seem decent
enough, however...if Sharon pulls one more stunt and you decided to take
her side, I will kick your ass also. Understand?" She smiles at me and I'm
feeling like some little kid being scolded by a parent. And can you believe
it, I just fucking nod my head 'Yes', like some idiot, but I'm kind of freaked
out and I don't' know why. My face looks straight ahead and my mind is off
spinning in a million directions, I'm thinking I can't wait to get out of
College and leave all this crap behind me. Courtney gives me this slight,
soft kiss on the cheek and pulls away from me, slowly she stands up and
now she seems like this huge giant towering over me as I remain sitting in
the Jacuzzi. It's all deceptive though because I knew I'm half an inch taller
then her, but emotionally and psychologically I felt about an inch tall as
Courtney climbed out of the Jacuzzi. I must admit, she had an intimidating
physique....her thighs, calves and....well I think you get my point, I admire
beautiful strong bodies on both men and women and Courtney was not
only strong looking but she carried herself like she knew she was.
"Fuck" I moan quietly when I hear Courtney leave the pool area as I
remain sitting, my heart rate slowly starts settle down into a normal pace.
'I need to talk to Sharon, for her sake as well as my own.' I'm thinking to
myself, I also felt pretty humbled by Courtney at that very moment and
had a great deal of self doubt creeping into my brain. In one short
conversation I no longer felt like top-girl in the school, Courtney had just
seen to that, all without using any force...now that's impressive...maybe
my state of mind was a contributing factor, all the other stress in my life
might have contributed.
I guess the truth was I didn't want to fight anymore, I never went looking
for a fight, I don't think I ever really did. But anyway, I felt like I could
actually do something good here, to talk with Sharon and maybe get her to
chill for the next few weeks. God, I hope she listens to me, otherwise I just
might beat Courtney to the punch (literally) and have to knock some sense
into Sharon.
**********
"Only God says jump
So I set the time
'Cause if he ever saw it
It was through these eyes of mine
And if he ever suffered
it was me who did his crying"