College 19 By Corbin How life tests the endurance, patience, and sometimes faith of one young woman. ********** You guys are an odd bunch. Do you always click your brains OFF when around each other? With the macho-big-man talk and female/women bashing, the lingering stares and lewd-barely-above-a-whisper comments: (Oh check her out, damn nice legs, shit man did you see her on the such and such machine, what a rack!) No lie, those are exact quotes I overhear, and your sniffing glue if you think I should actually be flattered. And then (I love this) and then all of the sudden here comes the humble 'Uhm- uhm, would you like to go out some time?' ********** It's a conspiracy I tell you, almost every time I go to the drive-thru ATM machine I get behind some jackass who is trying to figure out how to use the damn thing. What the hell? Where do these idiots come from! ATM's have been around for a LONG, LONG, LONG time. Or, and I love this one, the blockhead who tries to insert something OTHER then an ATM card into the slot, fucking numbskulls, NO your driver license will not work, now promptly proceed to the nearest cliff and drive off it! I know I come across as a hard-ass, but I'm really a softy, a romantic softy, a gushing, gooey, blushing romantic softy. Yep, it's true, it's just that life kind of tends to wear one down, ya' know what I mean, I'm talking about real life not that bullshit you see on TV. 'Reality TV Shows' have nothing to do with reality, they are a distraction from Real-Life. While I'm babbling on about life and such I'll share another philosophy of mine (isn't that nice of me :) Well here goes, I believe that wisdom is something one is born with, yes you can increase your knowledge over time by applying yourself to studying, but how you use that knowledge (wisdom) is static. I mean, have you ever met someone that has incredible 'book smarts' with the ability to absorb all sorts of information, but just lacks common sense/wisdom no matter how hard they try. Just a theory I have. I would elaborate further but I see a few people nodding off. ********** The other night, for a brief moment, I decided to flip some channels on the TV and I am now convinced that guys who participate in, and watch, Professional Wrestling harbor deep homosexual tendencies. COME ON! You have guys going into a ring, their bodies are all ripped, shaved, sweaty, and then proceed to grab...grope...slam and roll around for several minutes. Looks pretty homosexual to me, still not convinced? Picture this: Two big guys slamming their shaved, sweaty bodies into one another while wearing tiny little briefs? Yep damn queer if you ask me. Hahahaha bet I got a few macho guys second guessing their sexual orientation now. OPPS!! Antiques Roadshow is on gotta switch channels! ********** Don't be so hard on Sharon. I know I shouldn't defend her, but I do and quite frequently because I have used harsh brush strokes to verbally paint her portrait. I should really show her more tender side, the side of the girl that has my back, that looks out for me, that would defend me to till the end. In private she gives me hell, but it's just her way I guess. So let me jump right back into helping out Sharon's image, cause it was the very next morning, right after the big blow-up in my dorm room that I lay there in my bed feeling totally relaxed. More then relaxed, but totally content, mostly because she lay next to me, comforting me, holding me and yes in some bizarre way, Sharon loved mothering me with attention. I can't fully explain it, but I'll try :) Sharon has this ability to sooth every anxiety from my body with simple gestures. All I did was lay there, each of us in our respective nightshirts as she gently stroked my cheeks. (you freaks, probably getting off on some lesbian images I bet, no we were just laying there innocently, gheeesh) I even find myself forming a goofy smile on my face as I think back on this. How she could enrage me one minute and then absolutely comfort me with kind words and touches the next was, and still is, mind-blowing. "How are things with you and Dale?" Sharon gripped my right forearm with concern. "Fine, I guess." I shook my head and clenched my fists nervously. "So you want to talk about it?" Sharon sighed. "Well, I mean, you know that I'm not all that experienced." I sighed without completing my thought. "Yeah, are you still a...?" Sharon let the question hang out for a few seconds, not completing it, but waiting instead. "Yeah," I grinned, "Still a virgin." "Damn," Sharon sighed, "I would have made love with Dale a long time ago." "Oh really!" I looked over at Sharon suddenly, "So you admit you have the hots for my boyfriend." "Corbin, I have always had the hots for Dale, where have you been. Every girl on Campus has the hots for Dale." "Anyway, I made it clear to Dale that he had to back off on any expectations, which he's done exceptionally well and Sharon..." My eyes got a little tense with emotion. "What?" Sharon leaned in, her voice barely above whisper. "I think he's totally fallen for me." I whispered back. "You mean your just figuring this out?" Sharon leaned back with shock. "Well I guess." I rolled my head over and looked at my friend a little clueless. "Corbin" Sharon smiled shaking my head in disbelief, "Dale is totally in-love with you, and you're just starting to realize this?" Sharon rubbed my left thigh with her hand. "Well, we've been fooling around." I blushed and nervously fidgeted. "It's okay, just tell me what you want." Sharon sympathetically smiled. "Thanks, we'll we were kissing and lying on the bed, so he took his shirt off and," Sharon leaned in waiting anxiously, "Its okay" Sharon smiled and let me just lay and gather my thoughts. I smiled as I began to speak, "I could tell it was just torture for him, that he wanted to you know be with me in 'that way' so anyway he practically begged me to touch his you know..." I blushed some more and rolled my eyes at my inability to just blurt things out. "...so anyway, I basically." "You gave him a blow job?" Sharon impatiently asked. "NO" I made a pained look on my face, more so from how Sharon would just interrupt. "Oh don't' act so shocked" Sharon pulled my hands away from my blushing face. "Have you given Kevin a BLOW JOB Sharon!" I snapped right back, trying to throw it back into Sharon's face. "Yes I have!" Sharon sat up and smiled, then quickly leaned over and licked the side of my right cheek. "Nasty Sharon, what the hell was that?" I brought my right hand up and quickly tried to brush the spit from my cheek. "So you gave him a hand job, what's the big deal?" Sharon shrugged. "The big deal Sharon is that sex is sex and you know, once you start something...you know..." I stuttered, my mind going in one direction as my mouth tried to play catch up. "What the hell are you talking about? It's totally different..." Sharon made a pained expression as I struggled to drag something coherent from my mouth. "Sharon look..." I sat up while taking a deep breath and proceeded to cross my legs Indian style, "If I start in with anything oral then he'll just start pushing for more cause he is like constantly dropping hints as it is, look I just don't want the pressure, any pressure. I have enough with school and my studying is falling behind." I nervously played with my toes. "It's never going to work like that and I'm not taking his side, but look, don't put so much responsibility on your shoulders by trying to keep him at arms length." Sharon rubbed her left palm over my back to sooth out some of the stress. "You think I enjoy this?" I glanced over, "God Sharon, I think about it allot, and it's hard to say 'no' sometimes." (I have to admit, it feels pretty empowering to touch and stroke a man's dick, let me clarify that, MY Boyfriend's penis! Watching him totally succumb to every touch, totally at my mercy, poor helpless creature. <evil grin>. Hell, I'll admit I actually became a little possessive of it, I mean we weren't having sex but still, the thought of another woman touching his 'thang' made me jealous...angry...grrrrr. First I'd kill him, then her. Fortunately...that never happened, so no lives were lost.) "I mean and then WOW he started to..." I looked Sharon in the eye with an expression of total amazement. "And you've never seen a guy cum before?" Sharon raised her eyebrows. "No, but I have to admit, it was a turn on." "Did you take your clothes off?" Sharon asked. "Yeah, well mostly, except for my bra and panties, do you think that was a mistake?" I asked looking over at Sharon, a panicked look on my face. "Not at all!" Sharon smiled and hugged my, "Did you have one?" "Yeah, but only because I did it myself." "So, overall, how was it?" Sharon wanted to know and be sure that I was not getting in over my head, like I said, she was very protective of me, or possessive? "Gosh Sharon it was the most erotic thing ever, I mean you know how conservative I am. But he was very respectful which made it all the more easier." Honestly, the most erotic moments are with Nikki, but I'm not telling Sharon that, and all Nik and I ever do is kiss and take our tops off. I can't even describe the lust we have for each other. Maybe it's that fear that underlines everything, me and my dear friend having sexual desires for one another while trying to keep it all secret. Taking showers together after a hard practice or game is hell, we keep looking over at one another but neither of us have had the nerve to act on it. "I'm so glad baby, I'm so glad." Sharon kissed me on the cheek and hugged me. "But you seem a little concerned maybe? What's the big deal?" Sharon leaned in, "Sounds like everything went okay?" "Well..." I leaned over and opened the drawer to my nightstand, and pulled out an envelope, "...I found this under my door yesterday morning". "From Dale?" "Yep" I whispered and handed it to Sharon, "Go ahead, you can read it". Sharon carefully took the envelope and withdrew the letter. "Wow" Sharon shook her head and lowered the letter to her lap, "That was amazing," She froze when she looked up at me, "What's with that look?" "Sharon" I snatched the letter from her hands, "He saying he is in love with me? He's head over heels in love with me? We've only known each other for a few months now!" I was waving the white piece of paper in the air as if it was some piece of incriminating evidence. "Corbin, it was so sweet, I think you're making too big a deal about this, do you know what girls would die to have something so thoughtfully written!" "Yeah but, is he just saying that because of how physical things got the night before? Is he just laying it on 'all thick now' to get me in bed so we can go all the way?" I looked back down at the paper, my eyes scanning it. "Will you stop it!" Sharon snapped, "You're the one acting loony!" and snatched the letter back, "You are reading way too much into this, if you don't want to go all the way then stick to it! And if he keeps pushing or isn't happy with your decision then you'll know this..." Sharon waves the letter, "...this talk about love was just that, allot of talk." I merely nodded in agreement, I in fact thought that Sharon was making allot of sense, and besides I did like being with Dale. "Look babe." Sharon smiled, "Don't let this freak you out okay? I know this is your first serious relationship and your scarred of, well, just nervous about allot of stuff, but don't jump to any conclusions, I'm sure he's just as nervous and scarred as you are." "Are you in love with him?" Sharon lowered her head and looked directly at my expression. My mouth lowered a little as if to speak, but hesitated a few seconds, "I don't know, I just, I mean I really care for Dale allot Sharon, I really do, I've never met a guy that seems to really try and understand me or just, well, I've spent so much time focusing on my sports and school, I guess I just didn't want anymore distractions. I kind of blew him off the other day when he called which I think upset him, but I told him I was doing some intense studying. I did tell him that I really appreciated the letter, but I didn't gush all over it, like I think he was expecting." I rolled my head to the left and right to work out the stress. I felt Sharon pull away from me and get an irritated look on her face. "What?" I froze. "I can't believe your going to sit here and bullshit me." Sharon raised an eyebrow. "What?" I leaned back, trying to muster my own defensive posture. "You're falling for Dale aren't you!" Sharon stated. "What! Look I told you, school, sports. I've got lots of you know, lots of stuff! I mean come on, LOVE Sharon? Love? Is this love?" I raised the letter up again. "Have you ever been 'In Love' Corbin?" Sharon's eyes became soft and warm again and boy did it hit me like a ton of bricks. "I don't know." I swallowed hard to keep it in check. The real reason I wanted to cry was because I wish it was Dale I was totally in love with and not Nikki. But I was relieved when Sharon leaned in and hugged me tight, whispering in my ear, "It's okay to be scarred and its okay not to know, just don't make any rash decisions just yet, let things play out for awhile." "I need to ask you something and please listen and give me your best down to earth answer." Sharon stood up and went to sit back down, but this time on her own bed. "Uhm, okay." I said blinking my eyes with intense focus. "I think I am ready to do it with Kevin. Go all the way." Sharon smiled. "Really?" I looked on shocked, "I thought you two were already sleeping together." "WHAT! What the hell?" Sharon sneered with anger and shock. "Well, your just so aggressive." I shrugged. "Are you calling me a SLUT!" Sharon's eyes narrowed as her lower jaw remained hanging open upon completion of the word 'slut'. "Just finish Sharon." I sighed and rolled my eyes. "You'll pay for that little remark." Sharon puckered her lips as she gave me her best glare. "Well, I don't know if he's 'the one' but he might be, but anyway, I can't resist anymore. I am so horny Corbin, god when we start fooling around I am getting so tired of being the one putting on the brakes when making out." "So 'you' want this?" I looked at Sharon with increased concern, "And your not being pressured?" "Well, I mean yes he is pressuring me, but I don't give a shit about that. He's backed off when I told him he could go take a flying leap if he bugs me about it one more time. But now I'm the one that wants IT and bad." Sharon leaned in and whispered. "Wow Sharon, wow." My eyes got big and that was all I could say. So much for insightful advice huh? "Hehehe I'm horny right now!" Sharon laughed, "But look, I figure as long as I take certain precautions then I can really enjoy the experience. At least I better enjoy it or it's his ass!" Sharon smiled again. "So what's your plan?" I asked. "We'll, he's been wanting us to go take an overnight somewhere nice and I think he would really be happy knowing what might be in store for him." Sharon smiled and stretched out her long right leg, flexing it seductively. "You going to use a condom right?" I leaned in talking quietly. "Why are you whispering?" Sharon leaned in and teased back. "Oh, sorry" "No, I've been on the pill now for a couple of months, and I know he is clean." And Sharon proceeded to lay out my plan for her weekend with Kevin. "Wow Sharon, that sounds like a pretty good idea to me, seems like you've thought it all out pretty well." I said as we both stood up. "Yeah, so those will be my requirements, if he fails on any of them, then no sex and it will be over between us for good." Sharon grinned evilly, "But look," and leaned over to kiss me on the cheek, "I'll see you tomorrow. Thank you for listening." "Thank you Sharon." I smiled and closed the door and almost floated across the room back to my desk, "Wow, just like that, things are back on track." and I felt genuinely happy about it all. For a few minutes I sat playing with the mouse on my laptop when a sudden knock at the door startled me. "Oh Sharon..." I smiled and walked to the door and jerked it open, but was surprised to see Dale standing there, with a rather worried look on his face. "Dale! Hey! What's going on? Come in." I said and stepped back. "I saw Sharon leaving, was she up here visiting?" He asked. "Yeah, we had a wonderful chat." I smiled and walked over to my desk to sit down while Dale pulled up a chair from the corner. Self-consciously I pulled at my nightshirt to keep my panties covered. Dale could give a shit, his eyes zeroed in on my thighs and legs, my muscles seemed to have a life of their own. My calves killed him, he was always touching them and commenting how smooth my skin was and when I flexed them they became rock hard and so did his dick. "Huh!" He blurted out and looked back up. I was smiling, knowing what he was looking at, "I said, what brings you over?" Clearing his thoughts he nervously wiggled until his butt sat on the edge of my mattress, "I'm sorry for not calling before coming over, but I was concerned that maybe my letter might have caused uhm, maybe hurt things for being sort of 'over the top' I guess?" Dale had his head tilted down and his shoulder leaning in a little. I looked over at him sympathetically and stood up to move next to him, I reached over to rub his shoulder affectionately, "It was a really beautiful, intense letter, not that I don't want things to be intense, but as long as we can keep things the way they are that would be cool." I smiled. "Well that's fine." He smiled, "It's just that, you, us, it's all caught me a little off guard you know, I didn't expect to start feeling this way. College is supposed to be full of parties and fun, and while I get plenty of that, there's something more here that I want to hold onto and see develop." He sighed with a smile. "Dale, I totally understand okay, and please don't feel like you can't share your feelings with me, okay? I do want you to." I reached around with my other hand and gave him a hug. "Are you staying here tonight?" He asked as I pulled away, his hands reached over to rub my arms and shoulders, his left hand came around and took the opportunity to squeeze my thighs. "Yeah, I have allot of studying to do and don't read more into that then it is okay?" "Okay" He smiled and stood up now, leaning over to kiss me, but I only allowed a short kiss on the lips. "Okay, I gotta stay focused on the books and I'm looking forward to the party this weekend." I closed the door and let out a deep sigh of relief, already I could feel myself withdrawing from the relationship even after Sharon's pep talk. It seems as if I valued my freedom way too much to get tied down. "If he could only relax a little, then things might be okay." I muttered to myself, yet I could see the change in Dale already, he was becoming anxious and worried about every little thing that came out of his mouth and over analyzed my every reaction. "What to do, what to do?" I sighed and slumped back into my chair.College_19