College 17 By Corbin How life tests the endurance, patience, and sometimes faith of one young woman. ********** Minding my own business (at least that is what I was trying to do), but last night I found myself eavesdropping on a conversation between three guys at the gym...they didn't know I was there and honestly I could only hear bits and pieces. I was standing behind a large column so they couldn't see me. NO! I did not sneak up on them. They were college boys (which is different from College Men; 'Men' speak English properly and have a sense of self respect and respect towards others, 'boys' are immature as you will see in the following dialogue): Dip-shit College boy #1: "Hey man, what's up?" Dip-shit College boy #2: "Nothing man, what's going on?" Dip-shit College boy #3: "Hey bud" (Wow, this has the makings of a super duper conversation, let's see if it gets better, bet it doesn't!) Dip-shit College boy #2: "Where's so-and-so?" Dip-shit College boy #1: "Probably over his girlfriend's apartment, I called there the other day and her roommate answered the phone, said he was busy still in bed sleeping." Dip-shit College boy #1: "Busy probably fucking her." Dip-shit College boy #2 & 3: "Yeah" (snickering, giggles and laughter ensues) Dip-shit College boy #1: "So I run into this chick that answered the phone last night and she said 'you're an asshole'" (more snickers and laughter for some reason). Anyway, those were the parts I could hear, my heart sank as I listened in, I almost lost all motivation to work out it tore me up to hear to these guys talking like that. Are women much different? No not at all (Maybe I'll include a conversation next time between two friends of mine, not much better). Anyway, how do I know its all bullshit? Observe as I silently slip away from where I stood listening, only to reappear a few seconds later. But this time I entered the weight room from a different direction so they could see me this time. I purposively walk over to an empty bench next to where the three guys stood and then innocently ask; "Sorry to be a bother, but are you guys using this bench?" I flip a few loose strands of hair over my right ear (nice touch eh?). Well, what happened to all the tough male bravado? *POOF-PRESTO-BINGO* It vanished, suddenly gone. Now they were falling all over themselves to help; "No not at all, here let me..." and one guy scoots the bench towards me in a friendly gesture even going so far as offering to adjust the height on it (What? Do I look like, a novice? They've seen me before and know I'm a regular but anything to keep the conversation going I guess). My point is this, suddenly they are all smiles and pleasantries, also their English improved several fold. Gee I thought for sure they would say something like "Hell NO Bitch! This bench is taken...go find your own damn bench!" Of course, had I gotten that response they would be picking up their teeth with broken fingers. Oh, I also guess some of you thought I was going to jump out from behind the column and snare two in a headlock and plant my foot into the third's family jewels? Well, in all reality I am very shy and conservative around people, which is why I have a reputation for being a stuck-up bitch at the gym. I don't know maybe all guys want is to be given a nice smile and a little eye contact once in awhile, it really does wonders for the male spirit. But since I do not enjoy pandering to fragile egos...I usually do NOT engage in this practice. Besides, I find that if I open the door to a little dialogue it will almost always get misconstrued as 'She must like me', at which point I must then awkwardly end the conversation by saying; "Gotta run!" and with a quick wave I turn away. Also, *HACK* *COUGH* *BARF* I wish you guys and girls would chill on the perfume and cologne, I mean what the hell is the deal...your nose has become so desensitized to the smell that you have to douse your body in the shit now? Mostly you guys, no you don't smell sexy, you just STINK! Gives me a headache. Finally, for those of you that find my writing long winded, boring, draining to read, guess what? I'm now going to make it LONGER, MORE MIND-NUMBING BORING then ever before god I hope it turns your one brain cell into mush! Just wait till I get to the part where I start working at a Nursery, that's right; dirt, potted, plants, flowers. I love that shit and I'm going to write about it HA! I can hear the groaning now, I love it! :P ********** 'If I miss one day of studying I panic...one day of exercise, more panic' I thought, hence the frantic way I was brushing my teeth and even worse it was six o'clock in the morning. 'What the hell am I doing up so early? I've lost my mind, I know it. My hair, god I can't remember the last time I had it cut, it was getting long (down the middle of my back) and out of control'. Sloppily I had pulled it back into a pony tail as my eyes now focused on the white foam bubbling over my bottom lip. All the while my right hand was zipping up and down, back and forth in a blur of flesh. 'Ahhhh I love that feeling, that just brushed feeling in the morning' as I smacked my lips together, a smile forming as I continued my stare into the mirror. 'Damn I should do toothbrush commercials I love brushing so much. But am I doing commercials? No, I'm just standing here, smiling like an idiot in the mirror.' Several adjustment to my sports bra, 'fucking boobs, and presto, bingo I'm ready to go!' Hey, when you're a fashion wreck dressing is easy: 1 pair of plain white cotton panties (No thongs please, what good is a thong anyway? I don't wear clothes tight enough to need a thong.) 1 pair of running shoes or sandals. 1 pair of knee length shorts, something light. 1 pair of socks. 1 sports bra. 1 tee-shirt. 1 Cap or bandana to keep the hair in place. (Maybe a pad or two just in case it's around that time, you know, of the month! HAHAHA you didn't need to know that did you? But I told you anyway so deal with it! By the way, if I leave the dorm room and anything matches its pure luck.) Dale suddenly sat up, still groggy, with a sheet over his lower half as he looked around the room (yes he had boxers on), it was early morning and the radio was still playing. Suddenly he flopped back down on the bed when he saw the clock, "6:00am, Holy Shit!" "Do you know what time it is?" He called out. "Yeah, sorry, but I need to get a move on with practice and studying." I called out from the bathroom. 'Mmmm' I thought as I stepped into my room and looked him over, my eyes repeatedly swept up and down his exposed upper half. He has some incredible abs, shoulders and biceps...he plays football after all and keeps his bod in great shape, not half bad to look at either. Definitely has the Mathew McConaughey look going on *whew* don't get me started on Matthew, damn my head spins when I watch him in a movie, or photograph, or hell just a mental image dancing thru my head is...OKAY ENOUGH!! I need to focus. 'Even with Dale and his good looks, I still maintain my willpower. Some areas are off limits to him till I am married: End of discussion!' I quickly idled my sex drive into neutral. Time to get serious and I planted my feet about shoulder width apart, fists planted firmly on my hips as if trying to do my best stance of authority, yet a smile slips past my lips while watching him struggle to awaken. "When do you want to get together next? There's a big, fancy social next weekend." He enthusiastically smiled. "What the hell was that? Are you asking me?" I snapped. 'Really now, has he lost it? He knows I'm picky about good manners.' Dale finished rubbing his eyes and looked back up at me and right away he could see I was not happy, "What I meant to say..." He smiled. "Yes? Please, rephrase that earlier comment." I glared, still rooted to my original spot, analyzing every word coming out of his mouth. "Would you please go to a party with me next weekend, as my date?" Trying to give the most humble expression he could. "We'll see." came the casual sigh and I turned away to shut off the radio which was still softly playing from last night. "What the hell else have you got planned now?" He shrugged, speaking a little louder. "I have to see what my study schedule looks like and assuming I'm still on the team, I'm really coming along with my ball work." Oh I was going with him to the party all right, but a little teasing and torture was in order. "You can start by helping me out with some ball work." He laughed. "Sick! Soccer ball...Soccer balls!" I blushed and couldn't resist smiling. 'Guys and their dicks, I mean is sex on the brain 24/7?' Dale was no slouch in male penis department, but I really shouldn't comment, my experience is limited to the man sitting on my bed right now. The first male penis I have actually ever touched, but one thing is for sure, it looked damn big enough to me. I'm a tall, strong girl, but still I wondered, if Dale and I got Married, how I was suppose to one day work that up inside of me! Frightening! Okay enough, I'm not going to worry about that now, I was already starting to panic about next weekends big Social-Event. It's very formal and I knew for sure I had nothing to wear, no shoes...nothing even to start with... Fuck! I knew exactly who I needed to ask help from, but knowing how things were on- again-off-again with Sharon, I was afraid that some blowup would probably come from it. Yippee, I can't wait, *grumble*, *bitch*, *complain*, *grrr* I hate arguing with Sharon, She is so manipulative and has been so bitchy lately. "Sorry, gotta go." I smiled with a shrug as he was still waking up. ********** I love the summer...actually I love all the seasons, but my friends sometime complain that it's too hot outside...YEAH!!! I wish it was hotter...I love the heat. Speaking of hot weather, the thing that makes me feel the sexiest is my dolphin pro-back suit. Huh? What's that? It's a one piece swimsuit goof balls. It's not lined :) but that's okay. I simply cannot explain eloquently enough how wonderful it feels to swim or lounge in the hot-tub after a workout, ohhhh muuuyyy gawwwdddd...that one piece suite, I love the feel against my skin and because there is no lining it sticks to my torso like a second skin, the dark blue enhances my abs, ahhhhh the lingering stairs. Hey, I work damn hard for this body so if I show it off now and again, so be it. ********** Well, for the rest of the day everything was going quite well, until later that evening... "What?" I snapped in an agitated tone, nothing polite, just a swift 'what?' "Just me." came the meek reply on the other side of the door. Hmmm, it was Sharon and her tone had a little somberness to it, now my curiosity was peaked. God what a contrast in appearance, Sharon dressed up in her black short dress and heels, then there was me, well, me standing there looking like I had just showered, wearing one of my soccer jerseys and a pair of grey sweats. How's that for a sexy image? "Hey Sharon, what brings you..." I was trying to ask when I was forced to take a startled step back into the room as Sharon brushed passed me. "We need to talk." and the brunette ran her fingers thru her hair, up and over her left and right ears nervously, looking up from the ground into my hazel eyes, a pair of eyes that had just a glint of irritation. "What's that look for?" Sharon said defensively. God what a brat, she barges in and then gets defensive, gheesh. "Well, you just barge right in." I huffed, waving my left hand from the direction of the door towards where Sharon stood, my gesture conveying one of disrespect on Sharon's part. Yeah, that told her off, humph that will teach her, yeah right! "I used to live here too, you know, remember!" Sharon pointed to the empty bed on her right. "USED TO, are the two key words to remember Sharon." I shut the door firmly. "Look, I'm sorry Sharon, I don't want to fight I'm just..." I shrugged and took a couple of steps towards my bed and sat down. I did that allot when arguing, I always felt that sitting down was a good way to disarm a potentially volatile situation. "We need to get allot of stuff in the open, so if you want to say something, angry or not that's fine, because I'm fed up with this tension that's between us." Sharon swept her right hand from left to right as if cutting the very air in front of her. I looked up just a little stunned at Sharon's directness, more so in the faint quiver now moving over the bottom of Sharon's lip, "Well look Sharon, I know we've..." I took a deep breath, "...we've not had a lot of time together." "No time!" Sharon snapped. "We'll look, it's not my fault!" I looked up angry and then quickly looked away, "Sorry" I moaned. Ah crud, there I go apologizing again, I always do that, I don't like fighting with Sharon as she is really a soft, sweet caring person and she always has my back. "Don't be sorry damn it!" Sharon took a step in closer, her voice raising, "I'm pissed off at you, at me and this whole situation." "Stop yelling." I looked up, another glint of irritation in my eyes, "I'm sitting right in front of you." "Or what?" Sharon placed her hands on her hips, to which I just looked away and nervously clasped my fingers together in front of me, periodically wringing them together. I felt Sharon watching me, studying me when I suddenly looked up at her, "You don't think I've missed you too?" The glistening in my eyes and blushing of emotion in my face caught Sharon totally off guard, me as well. A tell tail crack in my voice was there as well, but then in total frustration I started to shut it all down emotionally as my blonde head turned away to take several deep, calming breaths. "Look at me." Sharon leaned down and forcibly cupped my cheeks trying to pull my head around, but when I didn't want to do something physical it was next to impossible to make me. Finally, I relinquished my resistance and my head tilted up still in Sharon's grasp, but I artfully dodged eye contact. "I've missed you too." Sharon voice came down to something a little softer and then her grip slowly eased slipping away from my cheeks, slowly rising back to her full 5' 8" height. "We'll thanks Sharon, I know you mean it, but..." I lowered my head while running my fingers thru my hair, "...don't you have to get back to your party or whatever you took time out from to come over and deliver this little speech." I just sat looking down at my bare feet, curling my toes nervously waiting for Sharon to explode at that sarcastic comment. But their was nothing, just dead silence and I slowly looked up just to make sure Sharon was still there. She was alright, just standing with her hands to her sides as tears streamed down her cheeks, tears that had not been there a few seconds before. Sharon took a deep breath and a sob came out as she went to try and speak, "Fine..." She choked back on her anger and sadness, "...fine you want to hurt me, hang me out to dry?" "You're the one that moved out." I snapped, fighting to keep my voice low, jabbing my finger at Sharon's empty bed as my face glowed red with angry emotion, much in the same way a lawyer in court singles out a critical piece of evidence. I didn't want to get angry and took a deep breath, reclining back onto my elbows. "Well why didn't YOU say something!" Sharon snapped back. "Say what? You made choices, I made choices, so what is with all this drama?" I sighed and felt myself cooling off as I chose the more philosophical route. "Because we need to get this out in the open and I am getting fed up with you holding back on me!" Sharon stomped her right foot, "And if I have to kick your ass to get you open up to me then so be it!" (Sharon was always threatening to kick-my-ass, she never followed thru on it of course, that and the fact she couldn't. But it was just that 'talking smack' bravado she likes to put out. She liked bossing people around, making threats, that was just her style and I never took it personal but others did and understandably so. "And what am I going to say now that will make it all better?" I moaned, getting bored with discussion. "Tell me that you want me to stay!" Sharon demanded. "Sharon look, we both make choices to pursue things in life and sometimes it's going to pull us apart and then..." "Then what?" Sharon jumped in, "Don't you think our friendship is more important?" "Don't you?" I angrily snapped back, really fed up with her accusations, "You're the one so busy, busy, busy with your stupid Sorority and whatever..." I flipped my hand at Sharon from my reclined position. "But look, I'm here to try and fix things since you won't come to me." Her voice wavered with emotion and leaned her head forward until I thought she might tip over on top of me. "Look, I've missed you too Sharon, but I'm not going to tell you what to do, or beg you to stop what you're doing just to spend time with me. That wouldn't be fair to you regardless of how I feel about your parties and Sorority stuff." I shrugged. It's true I despised the giddy/goofy/Sorority-Fraternity world, and I also have to admit that I felt some odd sense of satisfaction that Sharon was the one pursuing me in trying to mend our friendship, after all I always felt the oddball misfit. It wasn't the angry tide of emotion that caused me to finally tear up, but the way Sharon's face suddenly lit up with that infectious smile of hers. For whatever reason I felt at peace and could even recall that it was so reminiscent of the look Sharon had given me when we were on the field back in High School. Sharon sat down next to me on the bed, I'm sorry" she sighed "We're still friends, you're still my best friend, I just don't want to loose that." Sharon pulled my hand until I sat up next to her. "And I hope you still think of me that way as well?" But a lingering crack in her voice reveled she was still emotional as well as a bit unsure, feeling as if she had been replaced by Nikki. I smiled and looked over, "Of course I still think of you as my best friend." Uhhh, that wasn't the total truth, Nikki and I were really close at this time and I knew in my heart that the two would never function together socially, their personalities were so at odds with one another, so I was torn. Stupid huh, I sat there making amends with Sharon while contemplating a future tragedy, that I was going to have to let one of them go. "Great, then we need to start making time for one another. Because honestly, fuck school, boyfriends and whatever, this is the most real thing I've ever had in my life and nothing will get in the way of it again." Sharon smiled. "Until the next Sorority Party needs to be planned." I grinned and couldn't resist the taunt. But I mostly believed that, while I knew Sharon did value our friendship, she was one for making grand speeches like this, so I was a bit guarded. "Oh, ha...ha...ha..." Sharon mocked, faking a look of hurt. "Just kidding" I sighed as Sharon teasingly bumped her left shoulder into her right. "Seriously, it means so much to have you come by and talk." I pulled my hand free from Sharon's grasp and wrapped it around her back. Sitting together, we clung to one another for several more seconds, simply enjoying the silent moment of reconciliation. "Oh well, stupid pride you know?" Sharon moaned. "I know" I replied, "But I really didn't want to bother you because you looked like you were so happy with how everything was going in your life." "Thanks," Sharon sighed, "But what it did to our friendship wasn't worth any of it". "But look at you now, my god! You're on the Soccer team, academically stellar and dating one of the hottest guys on campus, seems like your taking over!" Sharon smiled broadly, her blue eyes lighting up with pride. I blushed and smiled form ear to ear. Everything sounds nice and reconciled right? Except for the fact that I often find myself reminiscing of how Nikki feels and smells, her Victoria Secret scented bath oil on her neck and cheek, hair. That smooth skin...god dammit! What the hell!' My eyes were blinking and sweat was rolling down my face as I sat next to Sharon thinking about Nik. Shit I was messed up in the head, I'm doomed I used to think; I'm bisexual, no I'm not, yes you are....' oh no I'm arguing with myself in my head now.College_17