College 15
By Corbin
How life tests the endurance, patience, and sometimes faith of one young woman.

********** 
 
Do I get jealous? Yes I do. I think everyone will get a kick out of this, but I 
get jealous of other blondes, especially tall ones, funny huh?
 
I was standing on the elevator last week when this 6' Blonde, maybe even 
6' 1", steps on, fairly attractive, ehh so-so I guess...hell I don't know what 
the definition of attractive is...although a tad on the scrawny side. Anyway, 
I felt that tiny little pain in my gut, where I was suddenly sizing her up...her 
build, making all sorts of comparisons. I had her beat in every department, 
no question, except height...DAMN, she beat me by an inch or so. Oh well, 
maybe I'll wear some heels next week...TAKE THAT!!! HA!!!...see, I can be 
just as petty as the next person.
 
Today I was sitting in the weight room when to my left this girl walks up 
and picks up a pair of 5 pound dumbbells (please don't strain yourself, really 
now). So the girl begins to raise her arms up to her side and then back 
down, then back up, but this time in front. She does this about fifteen 
times, sets the weights down and walks off. Uhmmmm, WHAT THE FUCK 
WAS THAT ALL ABOUT? You call that a workout? You must be kidding! I 
see that happen all the time, just pathetic. 
 
**********
 
"What was that all about." Dale asked, looking back at the door I had just 
shut.
 
"Nothing, typical girl stuff." I shook my head and walked over to my desk 
to sit back down. Dale looked around for a second and then cautiously sat 
down on my bed, watching...studying me and my mood.
 
"But is she right? I mean..." Dale pinched his eyebrows together with 
concern.
 
"Look," I leaned forward and massaged my temples, "It's not as bad as 
Sharon makes it out to be, Sharon is a dramatist you know that!" I sat up, 
only to slump back into the chair looking exhausted. Dale looked down at 
the ground and appeared to fade off for a second in thought, which wasn't 
like him, "What's wrong, come on tell me" I leaned forward with genuine 
concern.
 
"Well, if it's not as bad as Sharon makes it out to be then why are you 
slamming the door in her face and choosing to spend more time with Nikki 
then me? I mean if something is going on, just tell me." Dale blurted it all out 
in one breath.
 
I was on the edge of blowing up...yet again, but found enough focus to 
relax as my left elbow propped up on the desk so my weary head could 
rest into the palm of my hand. Closing my eyes brought some relief as I
tried to regain my composure, 'How did everything get so fucked up' I 
thought, considering the stress from everything;
-Friendship with Sharon going down the tubes.
-Nikki's friendship getting so intense.
-Mora looking to pick a fight every chance she got.
-Trying to maintain an 'A' grade average.
-And now my boyfriend is sitting here grilling my AND wanting to get more 
physically intimate.
 
"I'm not very good at multi-tasking sometimes I guess." I sighed and 
opened my left eye, then my right. But I did start to wonder, would things 
improve if I spent less time with Nikki? It did make some sense...that would 
mean more time for Dale and Sharon and almost totally eliminate the 
physical issues that seems to weave their way into my relationship with 
Nikki every time we are together.
 
"That's okay, I understand." Dale sighed and slid his sandals back and 
forth across the floor.
 
"No, it's not okay, I've been a crappy girlfriend lately and I've missed you." 
I suddenly stood up and walked over to where he sat, it felt good to take 
the imitative like this.
 
"I've missed you too." Dale sighed quietly and looked up, a giant grin 
forming on his face and suddenly all of his anxieties melted away from his 
face as he continued looking up. There was no denying that he was totally 
head-over-heels for me, he stood up and we were now face to face, well 
almost as he was a bit taller then me. I felt his arms wrap around my waist 
and pull me in tight.
 
"Weakling." He teased and I just smiled as I pulled him tight against me.
 
"I am a weak little girl." I smiled and batted my eye lashes playfully. 
 
"What are you doing?" He smiled nervously feeling my right hand adjust 
behind his back.
 
"Nothing." I shrugged, but he had noticed my jaw muscles clenching, a 
prelude to something...it was a physical characteristic that he picked up on, 
the way my jaw would tighten prior to me doing anything physical. And 
now I was pulling him in tight...very tight against my body as if applying a 
bear hug, which he wasn't minding at all in fact, initially that is.
 
"Think this weak little girl can pick you up?" I smiled in a very 
uncharacteristic way.
 
"I, I was just teasing!" Dale shrugged with a nervous chuckle, his hands 
came up to gently stroke my bare arms, but I had other ideas. Now I was 
always afraid of making an ass of myself, thus I rarely showed off...also, 
Dale was like almost 6' 3" and weighed in at least around 220 of muscle 
but for some reason it was a turn on to exert myself like this 'And why 
now?' I wondered, knowing myself like I did, I would probably analyze this 
little stunt of mine later, until then my left hand gripped my right wrist. My 
body tensed as I arched my back, because this was probably going to be 
no easy task as I had to call into play my lats, traps, 
calf, hamstring...you name it, all in order to perform this little balancing 
act. 

As for Dale, he was still acting like I couldn't do it, or maybe I was just 
playing.
 
"Jesus...Corbin...be careful!" He groaned as I was really going to try and 
lift him up, his gut reaction was that I might hurt myself or we might fall 
over if I lost my balance. Not to mention it wasn't the most comfortable feeling 
having your guts squished.
 
"Hold still tough guy, stop squirming." I grunted and even managed to 
maintain a smiled as I arched back a bit further.
 
"Fine...fine...but don't blame me if you get hurt!" Dale snapped, semi-mad, 
and even nervous, "God-damn" he groaned. Actually, I think he was 
now curious to see if I could do it.
 
"Who's weak?" I glanced up into his eyes when my body suddenly straightened up.
 
"Okay...okay, you proved your point...whatever that was...now stop fooling 
around." Dale groaned but stopped short as he realized his feet were 
totally off the ground.
 
"Just a sec. " I grunted and held him there, for several more seconds 
before slowly bending my legs; my thighs and calves worked some 
overtime to control and balance our combined weights. Upon his feet 
resting back down I released my clutch from around his torso. 

"Are you finished?" Dale snapped and took a step back, his right hand massaging 
his ribs and side. 
 
"Dale?" I looked on perplexed, "Are you actually pissed?" trying to figure 
out his reaction.
 
"Well, that kinda hurt!" He looked over at me, massaging his waist with 
both hands now.
 
"I'm sorry." I looked sad now and came over touching his torso, "I'm sorry 
Dale I was just messing around. I'm always fucking things up." I sighed, 
"I thought you'd be impressed." But that was a partial truth on my part, I 
did it more for myself, just to see if I could more then to seek his approval, 
but it sounded like the 'right' thing to say.
 
"No you are not fucking anything up, I'm just a bit..." He sighed.
 
"Just a bit what?" I quickly tossed his statement around, analyzing 
every possible angle.
 
"Corbin look, I've just never dated anyone like you before..." Dale 
nervously ran his hands thru his wavy dark brown hair.
 
"What does that mean? Like me?" my head tilted back with a wounded 
expression.
 
"That's not an insult." He stated.
 
"Well, what the hell ARE you saying?" I took a step back and placed my 
hands on my hips.
 
"Look, can't we just forget this whole silly thing, I haven't seen you in a 
few days and it's killing me. "
 
"What silly thing? Now it's a silly thing!" I waved my arms out to my side 
as I rolled my eyes.
 
"Oh god." He groaned and turned around to sit back down on the bed, "Here we 
go." he mumbled.
 
"Here we go is right!" I fumed.
 
"Look, I'm just used to dating more frilly, ditzy..." 

Oh boy he shouldn't have said that!

"Then you go date one of them! Why are you even with me? Go down to 
one of the Sorority houses, bars or whatever the fuck you football goons 
like to do." I swallowed hard, but couldn't keep the tears from showing, 
my words seemed to seethe from between my front teeth.
 
"Stop, stop!" He tried to jump in verbally, but I continued, "God damn it! 
You're totally misunderstanding me, twisting it all around! I 
love everything about you, the way you are, from the moment I first saw 
you, you know that. Why are you getting so hostile and defensive, I'm just 
trying to say, poorly I might add," His hands came out to touch my 
shoulders but it was no use I pulled away and paced towards the 
bathroom, then back in his direction but remained out of arms reach.
 
"Corbin, it's not like you're the first girl I've ever come across that is in 
great shape, come on, I've been going to the gym and have been around 
many girl's that are very fit...true none that could lift me off the ground like 
that..." and his eyes seemed to drift in thought, "...but that is in NO WAY a 
bad thing...please...I mean, don't I get a fucking break in any of this? This 
is a lot for a guy to take in dating someone that is so independent, focused 
on school and sports, not all caught up in social-minded games. I've never 
been jealous when I've dated a girl, I know that's an egotistical thing to 
say, but I see how guys look and talk about you. Always hitting on you and 
I find myself unraveling when I even think about you being with or around 
another guy. Also, every time I turn around there's something else that 
totally throws me for a loop, so try and stop being so defensive and reading too 
much into everything I say!"
 
I wasn't sure, but the red complexion in Dale's face really shot me in the 
heart, his eyes glazed with a tearful look that really shook me. Yet I just 
turned away as my left hand came up and gently pressed against my lips, 
"I'm not as strong as you think." I sighed reflecting on several things, 
getting lost in my own thoughts. This time I didn't pull away when he came 
up behind me and touched me on the shoulders, "Look..." He took a deep 
breath before speaking again, "...in so many ways your far more feminine 
then any other girl I've ever been out with...it's like they hide so much of 
their real beauty behind makeup, fancy bullshit clothes, perfume, hair 
color...shit the list goes on. But you don't need any of that, and you're just 
like 'This is me, take it or leave it'. Now that's true beauty." He said and 
pulled my hair back, kissing my neck.
 
I lowered my head and smiled, slowly turning around in his loose embrace, 
"So if I did my hair up and put on a nice dress, heels and all that bullshit 
you would dump me?" my light hearted coy grin came back.
 
"Let's not get carried away, I would make an exception in your case." He 
smiled with a sigh. 
 
"Sorry about that." I nodded my head back to the edge of the bed where I had 
picked him up.
 
"No don't be, I just..." Dale's left hand came up and massaged his forehead as 
he avoided eye contact.
 
"Will you just spit it out." I sighed impatiently.
 
"It's hard to admit that YES, it kind of turned me on okay! Jesus..." He 
fumed and looked away not sure why he was feeling so uneasy about admitting 
that.
 
"Well I can't promise to make a habit out of trying to pick you up but...we'll 
see." I chuckled and was relieved when he smiled and nodded, 'Finally the 
dark clouds are lifting off this relationship' I thought and stepped back, 
grabbing his right hand, "Let's go for a walk." I smiled.
 
"Sounds good." he responded.
 
"You know," I pulled his arm in close against the side of my body, "If it 
would make you feel better you can pick me up and carry me." I smiled up 
at him.
 
"I plan to take you up on that." He smiled.
 
The overcast sky helped cool things off, yet I did have an ulterior motive 
for the walk and was thankful we found some privacy as we headed in the 
direction of Duke Chapel; there were plentiful areas of wooded seclusion 
for us to talk without interruption. I tried to ease all of his worries by 
stroking his forearm, but there was no mistaking the fact that I was 
somewhere else, although he wouldn't have to wait long to find out why. 
 
"Dale look, we've been getting more and more serious lately and I know 
the extent of our physical relationship has been limited to kissing...and I 
know you want more..." I sighed. To help the conversation along I pulled him 
behind some trees and kissed him on the lips, he liked that and we started to 
make out a little bit, his hands moved down and gripped my butt, he was always 
grabbing my ass every chance he got. I corrected him several times in public and 
he got the point straight away. I could tell his initial hope was that I was 
going to give him the green light on sex..., hell I'd bet he would settle for a 
blow job even. 

I broke the kissing to finish talking, "I know I should have asked this upfront, 
but I want..." I rolled my eyes and he watched the way my forearm muscles 
tensed with anxiety, especially since I was now clutching his biceps.
 
"What? You're killing me here" He leaned forward more with a nervous smile.
 
"Before we get anymore physical, I want you to go get tested." I blurted it out 
and then held my breath, waiting for something...his reaction...an 
explosion...something.
 
"Tested for what?" He looked at me with confusion.
 
"Well, for everything." I shrugged.
 
"Everything...as in WHAT?" He leaned back defensively. 
 
"As in you want me to spell it out for you?" I cringed with irritation as my 
eyes squinted. Once again, my social graces are coming out in top form :)
 
"Yes, I deserve that Corbin, are you asking me to have some STD testing? Is that 
it? Cause if it is..." Dale defensively pulled his arms away from my grip, I 
had let go in any case as I could tell this was going to go none too well.
 
"You're not going to do it?!" I looked up at him in disbelief and placed my 
hands on my hips. He looked around for privacy and then quickly back at me, 
"I've been tested so many fucking times over these past years, because of 
sports...donating blood, so I know I am clean." He said, "Jesus, I can't fucking 
believe you!" He started to get mad.
 
"Well too-boo-hoo-fucking bad!" I snapped and pointed to the ground, "You 
hound me constantly to get more intimate with you, touching, holding, kissing, 
but I've never been with anyone Dale and you have. I have to know for my own 
piece of mind." my lower lip trembled. I really wasn't so upset with Dale or the 
testing, but everything was starting to come to a head now, I was just mostly 
stress.
 
"So does this mean we are going to start having sex?" His voice lowered as 
he folded his arms across his chest, his tone authoritative as if he could 
command a 'yes' from me.
 
"Shit Dale." I huffed and turned away, pacing a few times before taking a 
deep breath, "No" I finally stopped and looked him in the eyes.
 
"Then what is the fucking point!" He shook his head in disbelief.
 
"Because I am paranoid about my health, that's why, because I have a right! 
Because I said so...take your fucking pick!" I leaned forward, I was 
actually clenching my teeth now so my words seethed out of my mouth, 
"AND there will be no more kissing or anything until I know!" I felt 
the blood rushing to my face as my heart pounded.
 
"Then you get your ass tested as well!" Dale shot back.
 
"Fine, I will!" I snapped and actually felt a little spit fly off my lower lip I 
was so enraged.
 
"Fine!" Dale waved his hand in the air as if shooing a fly before turning 
around to storm off leaving my standing there alone.
 
"Fine!" I yelled at him as he walked away and proceeded to pace in small 
circles, wiping the steady flow of sweat now pouring over my face as I 
mumbled curse words to myself. I actually felt my arms and knees shaking 
from the argument and carefully looked around as I walked behind a large 
tree for even more privacy. "Fuck" I sighed as I leaned against the tree 
wiping the tears from my eyes, only a few sobs escaped my lips as I tried 
collecting myself, but felt foolish leaning against a tree crying. Slowly I 
pushed off and kept walking in the direction of the Chapel. It was all a blur, 
I remember going inside and sitting in one of the last pews to rest, it had 
been so long since she had been and it felt good inside...nice and cool...but 
most of all so very quiet too. I leaned forward and folded my arms on the 
backrest in front of me, it would look like I was at least praying, but in fact 
I just wanted to rest and the place was mostly deserted so I didn't worry 
about being disturbed.
 
**********

"Miss?" The voice seemed as if it was in a dream.
 
"Huh?" I rolled my head across my forearm and slowly sat up, a man was 
standing to my left in the pew, gently touching me on the shoulder.
 
"You okay? You've been here a long time," He said.
 
"Uhm." My groggy eyes looked around and I slowly got to my feet, "How 
long?" my hands brushed away the blonde hair from around the front of 
my face. 
 
"I don't know, maybe a couple of hours, you're welcome to stay, it's just 
that it's getting late." He sighed with a faint smile.
 
"No I need to go, thanks." I followed him out of the aisle and gave a thanks 
before walking out. "Wow, I really did drift off." I mumbled, it was dark 
outside as I walked back across campus to my dorm. I checked my 
messages on my cell phone; One from Nikki, two from Sharon, two from 
Dale and one from Carla one of the Soccer Coaches asking me to stop by 
early before practice. I felt a lump in my throat upon hearing Carla's 
voice...I listened to the message over and over trying to discern any tone 
that might reveal something bad. I chose not to return any of the 
messages that night but simply lay down on the bed as my eyes and body 
welcomed sleep.
 
*********
  
I didn't change into my uniform before practice, but went straight to Carla's 
office, I was greeted with a smile as I entered which alleviated some of my 
anxieties; Anxieties that were soon replaced with another set of concerns 
when I found out it was Mora's position I would be expected to step into. 
There was no hiding in the shadows now I considered, my performance on 
the field would be out there for everyone to judge...especially Mora, who 
stared hateful daggers at me while we changed.
 
'That wasn't so bad' as I stood there, hands on hips as I watched several 
team members disperse and head back to the locker room. My eyes gazed 
across the field towards the row of trees in the distance, sort of 
daydreaming. And then *POW* Like an explosion inside my brain, my 
entire head rocked forward as my strong neck muscles felt like they might 
rip from their very base. Involuntarily my arms flew out as I was falling 
forward, "What the fuck?" I gasped as my head spun and an incredible 
ache began to fill my skull. I felt woozy and nauseous as I swayed back 
and forth on all fours trying to get my bearings and to figure out what the 
hell just happened.
 
"Oh shit Corbin, I'm so sorry!" I heard the voice say.
 
"You okay?" Nikki's voice came from across the field, now running toward me, 
several other girl's were beside me now, but what really stood out in my mind, 
was the sound of laughter. Some of them were laughing at me as I was helped 
to my feet. 
 
'No, I'm not okay' I thought to myself, I was far from okay and seeing 
Mora's smile of satisfaction made me almost loose it...loose it in the sense I 
wanted to just blubber like some baby. Damn near close to it already as I 
felt the tears run down my cheeks...I was sick and tired of being humiliated 
by this little bitch and her kicking a soccer ball upside my head was all I 
could take.
 
"Oh poor baby, you going to squirt a few tears because of a small knock 
upside the head?" Mora laughed and placed her hands on her hips, "It was 
just an accident, maybe you better go lay down." and a few of the girls 
chuckled. That was it, I snapped, it was the first time in my life that I could 
remember seeing red, blood red...death incarnate rising up from the 
recesses of my brain as I looked across the space separating me and that 
laughing idiot Mora.
 
"Corbin don't!" Bev yelled and came at me from my left, but my brain had 
checked out, my right hand shot out to block Bev's advance. But it was 
more than a block and I regretted that, Bev didn't deserve it, but I wasn't 
allowing anyone to stop me as I simply twisted my entire body and 
slammed the palm of my right hand into Bev's chest, right above the girl's 
breasts.

"FUCK" Bev grunted and was literally knocked back, off her feet; it looked like 
she had been hit by a truck, her back slamming into the ground leaving 
her breathless and gasping for air. "Jesus Corbin!" She whimpered and 
rolled on the ground clutching the area right below her collar bone.
 
I would not have to wait long, Mora saw me moving in and her eyes lit up 
with excitement...she charged me, her fists clenched. "I'm going to kill 
you!" Mora growled and this time no one else got in the way, the rest of 
the team simply must have figured it was time to let this play out. Enough 
was enough...
 
I saw Mora charge, amazing how the smaller girl was fearless, she so 
wanted this showdown to happen and now it was at hand. Mora practically 
leapt at me, her right fist cocking back to strike while she simply kept 
coming at me. I had no plan of attack, I just wanted to grab the girl and 
break her into a million pieces. I decided that if Mora wanted to charge in, 
so be it, but all I could think about was deflecting the attack, fortunately, 
all Mora could think about was slugging it out. It wasn't immediately clear 
who would benefit; I latched onto the front of Mora's shirt, we had closed 
the distance so quickly that Mora misjudged her swing and her right 
forearm, not fist, hit me on the left side of my head. My triceps flexed and 
kept Mora from slamming into me, but I was also simultaneously twisting 
my body to the right allowing Mora's momentum to continue. Mora's entire 
body continued moving thru the air, now beyond her own control, but Mora 
was still in fight mode and threw her left fist in a wide arching motion even 
as she was being tossed aside. I felt totally possessed and felt some 
amount of rejoicing as I flung Mora thru the air; the combination of Mora's 
charge and me tapping into my strength made for a devastating effect. Yet 
Mora's left hook found contact on my right cheek, it was a glancing wild 
blow, but still cocked my head to the left briefly, it would definitely leave a 
bruise.
 
Mora was literally flying thru the air now and then everything was moving 
fast...faster then Mora could react as she impacted the ground. Her injured 
shoulder, her left shoulder, took most of the impact and Mora screamed in 
agony as it exploded in pain upon impact. My own right hand was touching 
my cheek as I watched Mora stagger to her feet, her left arm hanging 
down to her side, looking painful but still useful as her fist was tightly 
clenched. If Mora was in agony, she was fighting thru it, just to fight me as 
we started to circle one another, sweat dripping off our shaking bodies. But 
Mora didn't wait for me to get my fists up and swung her right fist, her 
target was my 'kisser'. I jerked my head back, blonde hair flying in all 
directions as the punch sailed past my face, my eyes darted around and 
found that the entire right side of Mora's body lay open, 'Jesus' I thought to 
myself as if I pictured the end result of what was going to happen next. The 
punch, the effect...the after-effect all played out in my mind. Sharon's dad 
was a boxer and had held a few impromptu sessions to teach us a few 
tricks of the trade; but the only thing I could think of right now was 'Punch 
thru your target'. I bent my knees a little and brought back my right elbow, 
and in what could only be described as one-fluid-motion my entire body 
shot up and forward as my right fist exploded towards Mora's midsection. 
Every muscle seemed to work in unison, driving forward with one goal in 
mind. I felt the uniform connect with my knuckles and then give and while 
Mora's body was fit and toned, it didn't seem to make any difference. I 
initially wondered if I had hit the girl at all, and that's when I realized that 
not only had I plowed deep into Mora's gut, I had actually lifted the girl off 
her feet. It was only when I pulled my fist back did the dark haired girl 
simply slump to the ground; the sound of her breathing was dangerously 
short, coming in sharp wheezes that soon turned into agonizing dry heaves 
as Mora's body curled up into a fetal position. It seemed as if she was 
trying to almost vomit but nothing was coming out.
 
Nikki charged in and grabbed my shoulders pushing me back a couple of 
steps, "Stop now!"
 
"Out of my fucking WAY!" I screamed and grabbed Nikki under her armpits 
and I practically lifted and pushed her aside. Nikki's left leg skidded across 
the grass as she fought to keep her balance, but ended up dropping to her 
knees and then all fours.
 
Out of the corner of my right eye Crissy was advancing to also block me 
from heading towards the downed Mora, but I spun around unleashed my 
venom on the advancing girl, "You can join your fucking buddy bitch!" I 
snapped, Crissy's right arm was reaching out and my left hand latched 
onto the girl's forearm, while my right hand found and clamped around 
Crissy's throat for leverage; "Corbin no!" She screamed but I was already 
using all my strength and weight to sling the poor girl in a semi circle 
before letting go, like a shot-put. Her body crashed to the ground flopping 
over repeatedly in a roll that had arms and legs flailing, kicking up a billow 
of dirt. I now wasted no more time and leapt towards Mora, grabbing her 
by the back of my head and shirt, "Get up...you want to fight, well get your 
sorry ass up cause today is your lucky day." I seethed and pulled her up, 
ignoring her screams and gasps for air as she clutched her gut. "You thought 
that shit was funny, didn't you? Well let me tell you...you're fucking dead!" I 
spewed my venom at Mora and propped the girl up by her throat, cocking my left 
fist back. 

Thankfully, everyone was there; Nikki...Katie...the remaining members of 
the team, maybe nine or ten, had all jumped in to restrain me, but my 
right leg managed to kick free and slam into Mora's hip with tremendous 
force, knocking the girl back to the ground. 
 
"You even look at me wrong! I am going to make this beating seem like a 
friendly chit-chat!"
 
"Get the fuck off me!" I yelled and yanked my left fist, my arm popped 
free and flew around, accidentally plowing into one girl's face, knocking the 
poor unsuspecting down and wailing in agony from the punch. My feet 
kicked and body twisted as I actually seemed to be fighting my way free; 
Yet amongst the chaos, confusion and rage, I heard Nikki's voice in my left 
ear...it was soothing, soft...and she wasn't fighting, no, she was merely 
holding me more like hugging in a friendly embrace.
 
"Corbin please stop." Nikki kept repeating, she held on to me and slowly 
I felt the anger subside, even quicker when I spotted one of the Assistant 
Coaches running across the field and with it a healthy dose of reality.
 
"Corbin, come with me now!" The coach said and pulled me free of the 
throng of girls. I suddenly slumped and rested my head against the 
Coach's left shoulder and began to sob, I didn't know why, but one instant 
I was filled with total, uncontrollable rage and the next...sadness. 
 
Sitting, I held the ice pack against my right cheek as I leaned forward, 
wiping the tears from my eyes, the Head coach and two assistants were 
now with me in his office.
 
"Corbin, your suspended...well, not officially...just until we can get things 
settled down, both you and Mora. And then we'll meet again separately and 
then with the two of you together once we've decided what to do. It's really 
going to come down to a team decision." he sighed.
 
"I understand," I gasped and sat up straight as I choked back my 
emotions, "but, but in my defense...I just want to say that I was 
setup...when Coach Overbeck put me in Mora's position she knew there 
was bound to be a blow up because of my past with her." I glanced up at 
the coach I was referring to. Coach Overbeck looked down at me, into my 
bloodshot eyes and nodded her head in recognition of what I was driving 
at. 
 
"That will all be taken into consideration." The head coach piped up, "Now 
get checked out and cleaned up, and then ask that Mora also come in."
 
I slowly stood up and took several deep breaths as my hand rested on the 
door knob, slowly I opened the door and looked over my shoulder at the 
Coaches, "I'm truly sorry." I sighed and walked out. 
 
"Crissy..." I walked up behind the girl as she was getting dressed to try and 
make amends.
 
"Forget about it." Crissy mumbled.
 
"Look, I'm..."
 
"I said drop it!" Crissy snapped and glared at me, but quickly looked away. 
I felt my heart pound with regret and took a step back, I just wanted to get 
the hell out and get back to my dorm room to rest. Only a few girls, of 
course Nikki, hung around and tried to reassure me that I had no other 
choice but to stand up for herself. But the worse feeling of it all was how so 
many of my team members were looking and acting different around me, 
'Maybe they just want to give me some space? Or they never liked me to 
begin with.'
 
"Thanks for the ride Nik" I sighed, "I think I'm just going to spend some 
time alone tonight and rest." I looked up and could tell Nikki didn't want to 
leave me, she leaned in to give me a hug, "It's going to be okay." she 
sighed into my ear.
 
"I hope so." I whimpered and felt myself starting to unravel again. "Actually 
could you come up for a few minutes." I cried into her neck.

Nothing needed to be said, Nikki was unbuckling and followed me up as I somberly 
trudged up the stairs. I turned off my cell and Nikki sat on my bed, I walked 
over and laid down resting my head in her lap and let myself cry for a few 
minutes. She gently cradled my head and stroked my cheek and hair, I was so 
thankful to have Nikki and my hands rubbed on her knees as I would inhale the 
subtle fragrance off her body. She started to hum some tune that I didn't 
recognize as her fingers washed over my head, arms and face. I wasn't crying 
anymore and turned my head to look up, she was already looking down at me.

"I love you Nik." I sighed.

"I love you too." She said and smiled.

The oddest feeling started to come over me, I felt liberated...dangerous...and 
oddly satisfying to look back on what happened. I had lived so much of my life 
trying to 'play it safe and not cause waves', but now people knew where I stood 
and like me...love me...or hate me, people were starting to know exactly how 
far they could push before I pushed back. It some way it was like I was 
defining who I was, 'I'm sorry people got hurt, but I'm glad I did it and I'm 
not going to feel sorry or punish myself over it'.


**********
 
I didn't see Mora till the next day and instantly there were many regrets; 
She was limping and her left arm was in a sling, her face had a couple of 
bad bruises although I don't remember hitting her in the face...then again, 
so many things happened in such a short period of time it's hard to recount 
everything in detail.
 
I had a small bruise on my cheek, but it was barely noticeable, once again 
I somehow managed to come thru practically unscathed. It seemed to only pile on 
the resentment, more girls' their boyfriends even, seemed anxious for me to 
take a major spill. As if I was the one with a chip on my shoulder, are they 
kidding? What fucking chip?! 

If there was one there, I didn't put it there THEY DID! There I go 'blaming 
again' as Sharon would say.
 
Anyway, I don't know if that little fight on the soccer field set Mora straight, 
but I was never going to let her blind side me again and took the initiative, 
regardless of how bad she was feeling. I could have confronted her in front 
of her friend's right in the student commons, but chose a more private 
moment to lay it on the line. I knew she could have run back and ratted on 
me that I threatened her, but I was thinking less and less clearly during 
that year of my life. Basically, I cornered her and asked if we had any 
more problems between us, cause if we did we were going to "get-it-on" 
right there in the parking lot. Shit, I can remember that moment like it just 
happened yesterday, it was so fucking hot and humid that day, and the 
heat coming up off the blacktop was almost unbearable. Okay, as I was 
saying, when I saw her I quickly crossed the lot, but I already knew the 
answer, it was in her eyes, it wasn't even the same Mora looking at 
me and why does that bother me, even sadden me now. It was like I beat the 
spirit out of her or something. But she started it you know? So anyway, she had 
this fear in her eyes I had never noticed and seemed to almost tear up 
when I suggested we slug it out in the parking lot if there were any more 
issues to resolve.
 
What the fuck was wrong with me? Telling some girl in the middle of a campus lot 
that I was going to start reigning down punches if she crossed me again. 




  
College_15