College 12 By Corbin How life tests the endurance, patience, and sometimes faith of one young woman. ********** I HAVE NO FREAKING CLUE WHAT I AM DOING! I make grammar mistakes, spelling mistakes, I hate computers. This Sucks! But I enjoy sharing all of this, besides the walk down memory lane is great. (Sometimes) Anyway, I'm listening to the Rolling Stones as I type this, not their new stuff, the classical stuff. Speaking of Music, I like all music that has a good beat to it, except your typical country cowshit boot-kicking riding-on-the-range bullshit. I mean really now, all those country music songs sound the fucking same. Guys singing about what!!? I'll tell you what, their woman left them, their horse has gone lame and their dog died WHAA WHAAA Cry me a river. And why do those guys wear those big hats? Cause their bald underneath, just suck it up and face facts, Rogaine didn't work for you so now you plop a giant hat on your head to cover of your baldness you are fooling NO ONE!! So, I guess I should clarify my previous statement; other then Country, I listen to Hip-Hop, R&B, Classical, Metal, Alternative. Like I said the whole spectrum (Except country): Godsmack, POD, System of a Down, No Doubt, Mary J. Blige, Chili Peppers, Norah Jones, Josh Groban, Evanescence, Dido, Joss Stone, U2 just to name a few. I thought my friend Nikki would kill me when I threw out her Justin Timberlake CD, although I claimed I lost it. I think she knew I threw it out when I told her I borrowed it and then said I lost it, only to refuse and buy her a replacement. Timberlake PUUHHLLEASE, give me a break, what was she thinking, I did her a favor. I would have disowned her as a friend if I found a Brittany Spears or Christina CD in her pile. Those cheap-breast- implanted no talent whores, I don't know what you guys see in them. Well other then your dicks I suppose. I guess I just answered my own question, yuck gross! How can you guys dream of sleeping with those girls and their revolving man-doors. So, now that I have gotten all of the angst of my system for today... ********** Walking into the nearly deserted gym after Christmas break, I instantly noticed I was not alone. Now this displeased me as it was my intention to head back to school a little early for some privacy and refocus on getting back into the 'swing of things'. The gym was not at all crowded, but two occupants where there; A black guy and a white guy, 'And boy do they seem to be in full juvenile mode', so I proceeded to warm up on the furthest end of the weight room. Normally, I wouldn't start with the bench press, but it was as far from the two clowns as I could get. However, 'Loser #1' the white guy and 'Loser #2' the black guy, as I affectionately referred to them, had other plans- "Hey little lady, mind if we cut in?" Loser #1 said and smiled over at his buddy 'Loser #2', as he made the comment, as if they were some comedy team. I was totally unable to fathom why both thought the "little-lady" comment was worthy of a chuckle. 'And why in the hell did they come all the way over here?' when I had purposely selected the machine furthest away from them. 'Why?' was easy to answer from a man's perspective, their 'chick radar' had gone off instantly when I walked in. I already had become the focus of much male attention on Campus, but my focus on studies and athletics while keeping everyone at 'arms length' put me in the realm of 'total snob' in most male eyes. Some guys, like the one's here in the gym took the 'go for broke' attitude, where they just would interject themselves hoping to strike up a conversation or something. The closer they got to me, the harder it was for either guy to take their eyes off of me, my toned muscular legs and arms looked so smooth and flawless and I had probably the best set of breasts on campus, 'assuming they are real' many guys would comment. Most women just immediately went to trashing me, flat out saying they were fake. I brought my head up off the bench just long enough to say: "One more set" and did something I had never done before. My temper totally flared and I reached back with my right arm and yanked the pin out and slammed it into the very bottom weight. I was so flustered I couldn't recall how much it was and carefully repositioned myself under the bar, 'Please god, please don't let me make a fool out of myself' and with that, I poured every bit of hate, love, disappointment, anger, resentment into the press; My muscles slowly flexed, like a locomotive building up speed, and then amazingly the bar slowly lifted, I knew I was having to put everything I had into it, but even with shaking arms the bar went all the way up. Daringly, I tried to repeat the maneuver, my heart felt like it would burst, but not from pumping the weight, but for this moment of exhilaration to maybe shut these guys down. I managed to push up a fourth time when my body warned me it was about to expire and I slowly...gently set the bar down. My little stunt apparently had some effect, as the two buffoons stood silent during my reps and I took a deep breath as I slowly sat up, my body wet with perspiration. 'Loser #1' was standing closest by the machine and looked dumb struck when I stood, I was now eye-to-eye with him, my 5'10"+ frame was imposing and I simply said, "It's all yours big boy." with a coy smile that obviously caught the guy a little off guard. That comment was totally out of character for me and I turned around and stood about five feet away placing my hands on my hips to watch. 'Loser #1' looked down at the weights, it was the moment I had been waiting for, but then my eyes bugged out a little when I saw the pin was inserted on the bottom weight and it read: 250lbs' and I actually staggered back a couple of steps in disbelief. 'It's not the same as bench pressing 250lbs of free weights, but still...' I was impressed with myself. Another smug look came over my face as it didn't look like he was going to be able to pull it off. 'Either he was about to make an ass of himself in trying to match me or admit he can't and move the pin' I quickly assessed. He shook his head and pulled the pin out looking over his shoulder to his friend, "That's got me beat." "Damn girl! What kind of 'roids are you taking?" Loser #2 asked, in a tone that hinted a return of their prior smart-aleck attitude. "It's called eating healthy and taking your vitamins, you guys might want to substitute that into your diet of beer and cigarettes." I just flipped the towel over my left shoulder and spun around on my toes, "Later guys!" I waved. But still, I was able to make out a few unflattering comments about my personality as I walked away even while I could feel they're eyes riveted to my ass, I wore baggy workout shorts, but still that didn't hinder guys from staring. For the first time since my night with Nikki several days ago, I was walking on cloud nine! Feeling totally exhilarated. My fast paced walk turned into a light jog as I was now practically running back to my dorm room with joy. Quickly I started to undress, and as I pulled off my shorts and top I stood in front of the mirror, my white silk panties were soaked with perspiration as was my bra. Looking at my sweating, toned body in the mirror, it was the first time I can remember in a long time coming off a workout and feeling so incredibly proud of my body and horny! 'Oh my god' I thought as I eyed myself, I was actually getting turned on by everything that had happened in the gym and how I looked in the mirror. "To hell with it." I mumbled and peeled off my sweat soaked bra and panties, and laid back on my bed. Slowly my left hand moved over my sweaty, sticky chest, stopping briefly over my hard nipples before moving on as my finger tips felt the rolls of muscle along my abs sending a warming sensation thru my vagina. Slowly I closed my eyes and tilted my head back, I was surprised that it took no fantasy to increase my state of arousal, just the simple touches I gave myself as I explored my body. Finally, when I felt ready, I pulled my knees up and sticky vaginal lips parted as my right hand moved down to hold them open as my left forefinger gently began to graze over the top of my clit. My chest heaved a few times as I sought to delay the building orgasm as my finger continued it's teasing, light touches. Periodically I would bring my hand back up and pinch my nipples, which caused my body to begin a slow convulsion on the bed. My first orgasm was nothing more then an intense shiver, my second elicited an audible moan from my throat, and I sped up the strokes and pressure on my clit as I allowed myself to moan until I had to roll my head over and bite back a scream into my pillow, my whole body beginning a squirming and thrashing dance on the bed. Finally, I pulled my finger away from my overly sensitive privates as I let the pillow case free from my jaws, my eyes remained closed as I rolled my head back around, gasping for air. Totally sated (and trust me I was) only my eyes moved as I blinked, concentrating only on the sound of my breathing and the wonderful intensity that I had just experienced. I remained naked on top of my sheets as I listened to the voices of only a handful of students outside in the hall, when unexpectedly my eyes welled up with tears. Only a couple of tears escaped, but it suddenly dawned on my that a really great day of my life had just come to a close and night was beginning to fall and here I was, all alone. 'No boyfriend, no friends...well save for Nikki', I didn't even know where things with Sharon stood anymore, "My best friend?" I whimpered slightly, feeling a wave of sadness and resentment at the distance that had grown between us. It seemed that exercise and studying were the only two things left that I had and of course my family that cared for me deeply. It surprised me that I actually included the lack of a boyfriend amongst my list of longings when I had purposively rejected attempts by many guys over the past few months. "How odd" I said, my voice barely audible as if came from deep within my throat. ********** My run-ins with Sharon were getting less and less now, we would talk and have lunch, but it wasn't the same. Sharon was a full blown Sister at the Sorority now and was organizing trips and events, the more Sharon got sucked into school life, the more I resisted, as if hoping I could pull Sharon back to me. And we each laid blamed at the other's feet for our failing relationship; I blamed the Sorority, while Sharon privately pointed fingers at Nikki as pulling me away from her. But we never really talked about it, as if we knew the argument might doom our friendship forever. Yet, I made an unusual confession to Nikki one day; "I think I am suffering from a full blown depression." I said solemnly as we sat outside in the Student Common Area. Nikki didn't say a word but gently laid her left hand on my right wrist, just letting me know she heard me and was there to listen. Nikki was not the kind of person to say something just for the sake of talking. Finally, Nikki turned a little more towards me and spoke, "Look, I know your friendship with Sharon is stressing you out, but you know it's only been a few months, you two will probably be here for awhile. And look at what you've accomplished since being at Duke, you excel at soccer, hell Corbin, you excel at all sports like no other girl I've ever seen, your academically doing excellent. But if you want to talk about what's bothering you, well, that's fine too. However, I want to help you focus on all the positive accomplishments you've made here." I smiled and looked over at Nikki, "Thanks, just hearing that helps allot. A little reminder, now and again, seems to help", but on the inside, a little deeper I could feel some type of turmoil building. As we got up to leave, Nikki hesitated and pulled me aside, "Look, I need to talk to you about something, but you have to promise me that you will not repeat what I am about to tell you, understand?" Nikki urgently said. I froze; the gravity of the comment caused me to become rooted to the cement sidewalk, "What is it?" I leaned in and asked in my quietest voice. Nikki smiled a little when she saw the effect it was having and touched my left forearm reassuringly, "I'm sorry, I don't mean to be dramatic. It's just that, I was sworn to secrecy and telling you would mean breaking a promise." "Come on, come on, you're killing me here." I nervously smiled. "Well, every new freshmen on the Soccer team goes through a...hmmm." Nikki seemed to tense and bite her lower lip while searching for the right words. "Through what?" I leaned in some more, intensely studying her face for some information. "A type of initiation ceremony." Nikki paused and looked into my eyes for some initial reaction. "Why kind of initiation ceremony?" I leaned back as my eyes did in fact narrow with suspicion. "It could be any number of things, kind of like a right-of-passage, it's very harmless." her voice steady and her gaze even, but she could tell I was getting irritated. "You mean a HAZING ritual!" I face turned grave, serious and even a bit angry. Nikki wasn't going to refute that reference, for in fact that's exactly what it was. "You've been in sports before Corbin, haven't you ever been thru something like this back in High School?" "No." I said firmly. "But I know, YOU know, what I am talking about, right?" "Yes." I replied, "Look Nikki, what the hell is this all about? Could you give me a few details?" "You came into the season a little later then the other girls on the team. They've already been thru it..." "Did you go thru 'it'?" I returned Nikki's hard stare. "Yes" Nikki said calmly, "It's not bad at all." "But it's degrading...and humiliating...right?" I raised my left eyebrow knowingly and Nikki just stood in silence and watched. Nikki's lips pressed together and closed as if to think, and then she opened her eyes when she was ready to respond; "Yes". I appeared calm at first, I took a deep breath as if contemplating the whole thing and then brought my left hand up, pointing past Nikki's right shoulder in the direction of the Soccer field; "All I want to do is play soccer and if any of those idiots even lay a finger on me, things will get pretty ugly and they'll be the ones on the receiving end of UGLY." Nikki watched me suddenly turn around and walk in the direction of my dorm. I knew Nikki was trailing behind me and that was okay. I flipped on the light switch to my room and sat down on the edge of my bed, slowly stretching my legs out in front as my body leaned back until my shoulders touched the wall. Nikki sat down on Sharon's bed and silently watched and waited, "What?" Nikki asked softly, when I opened my eyes finally. "I was just thinking..." My eyes fluttered and then fully opened, "...it would be nice to have your outlook on things...life...people...you never seem to get stressed." Nikki smiled and bowed her head in thought, her long straight hair hung down, swaying like black rain that would never touch the ground. Nikki knew exactly of what I spoke of, she was deeply involved in Yoga, Martial Arts, and spent hours studying various meditation techniques. With a quick jerk upright, her head came around flipping her hair up and over her right shoulder, "Oh, you handle things very well Corbin, in fact, you seem to have your own calm, determined exterior..." "Even if things are boiling over on the inside?" I smiled and leaned forward, quickly interjecting that comment. "Things boil over for everyone on the inside, some just deal with it differently on the outside then others." Nikki smiled knowingly. "So what's boiling over inside of you?" I raised a suspicious eyebrow, not really looking for an answer as much as trying to call Nikki's bluff, I suspected that Nikki wanted to become more physical with me and a part of me wanted that as well, but was scared to breach the subject...but every once in awhile I wondered and fantasized. Still, it was hard for me to imagine what Nikki was going thru, the way she seemed to exude such calm, easy going charm. And then there was dead silence...Nikki just sat staring with the faintest of smiles. "I'm falling in love with someone." and she slowly blinked her eyes once, letting a deep sigh out of her chest. "Wow." I sighed with a smile and leaned forward some more "Have you told Rob? Well of course you have, or have you? Or is it someone else?" I started to babble, because honestly I was scarred to death that she was going to implicate me. "No." Nikki smiled some more. "Why? Not the right time? You think he won't return you're feelings maybe!" I had this inquisitive look on my face; I was genuinely interested in what was going on with her. "Rob is not the person I am falling for." Nikki said in her usual quiet, calm voice. However, the implications of her statement were unsettling. And I sat confused, not because I didn't understand the potential of everything that Nikki was implying, but that I wanted to deny the seriousness of where this was going, I wasn't ready to openly fall in love with a girl, so I just acted stumped, or dumb, I can do that very well. :) "Oh, I didn't know you were seeing someone else Nikki." I began to fidget some. I didn't think that Nikki had kept such a big secret from me, but the more I thought about it the more I realized that was just how Nikki was, very secretive at times. "I'm not seeing someone else, well...not really..." Nikki smiled, but I detected some knowingness behind that smile as if there was a little secret my friend was not letting me in on. "Will you tell me who it is, or do you not feel comfortable right now?" I glanced away, not wanting to pry, but I did want Nikki to confide in me. "I AM telling you." Nikki smiled even more at my bashfulness in asking, even more amusing was the way I blushed right after she said that. "So," I sighed and flipped a lock of blonde hair over her left shoulder, "does this 'other' guy know anything? Does Rob suspect anything?" "No, Rob doesn't suspect anything. And 'She' doesn't know anything either." Nikki sat, studying my face, evaluating my body language and facial expressions, 'Oh Lord,' I thought 'She is really going to push the subject into the open.' My heart started to pound heaver and faster. *Aghem* I cleared my throat and blinked off into space before looking over at Nikki, "Wait, you used the word 'She', right?" My lips betrayed a nervous smile and quiver, I was also sure Nic could tell that my cheeks were trembling a bit. Nikki gave a half-hearted smile, the first sign that there was real trouble brewing behind her calm exterior, I even watched the muscles along Nikki's neck constrict as she swallowed hard before speaking; "Yes, I am falling in love with another woman." Nikki's smile faded and her expression was now serious as her head tilted a little to her left and I could see my reaction was being waited upon. "Oh my." I slightly gushed with a nervous smile and propped my left elbow onto my left knee, cradling my cheek into my palm. My hand then moved from my cheek as fingers plowed thru lengths of blonde hair, "I'm sorry, I don't know what to say, that's incredible, I mean...well...who is She?!" I laughed and leaned forward, wrapping my arms around my knees in a protective ball. But the laugh was short lived as I looked back down to the floor, afraid of looking at Nikki as well as the answer she might be about to reveal, the answer I already knew. "I don't want to say right now." Nikki smiled. "Does she know?" I smiled and glanced up quickly before looking away and began to rock nervously back and forth. "No, but She needs to get a clue." Nikki sighed and lowered her head maybe not even an inch, her eyes turning into dark pools reflecting back at me with all trace of humor gone. I felt my face become flushed as I stared, realizing that our verbal banter had come to an end, and now the reality of what Nikki was implying suddenly crashed down on me. "Nikki?" I pleaded, my body now burning up as I pulled on my knees with greater anxiety. I couldn't say it, but my eyes and face conveyed that I knew it was me. I watched Nikki slowly stand and walk towards me, I felt like some little girl cowering on the edge of my bed, watching my friend approach and sit down next to me. "Shhhhhhhh..." Nikki whispered and stroked my hair back, pulling me close. I wasn't sure how it all made me feel, maybe because I had yet to fully experience anything as intense as being 'In-Love' with someone, or so I suspected as much. I took a deep breath and exhaled with a sigh, my arms went limp while my elbows remained resting on my knees, I remained in a semi-hunched position on the edge of the bed but leaning into Nikki, it felt good. "I just wanted to tell you, I care for you Corbin...more then I have ever cared for anyone." "I care for you too." I whispered as I remained curled into a ball, leaning against my black haired friend who continued giving comfort. "Don't worry, this is just between us, okay?" Nikki sighed. Slowly I untangled myself and went to stand up, it was getting late and Nikki followed my lead, moving towards the door as we went to say our goodbyes. I stood waiting by the door and stretched my arms up over my head and yawned letting out a deep groan, accompanied by a flash of quick smile. "What?" Nikki glanced over suspiciously, wondering why I had suddenly smiled. "You...that's what, this is messing with my mind something awful." I took my right index finger and firmly jabbed it into the right side of my head repeatedly. Slowly I walked over to the door while Nikki simply stood, her eyes staring, I felt like she was always studying me...trying to take in as much as she could. "What are YOU staring at?" I sighed with a knowing smile as I leaned my left shoulder against the frame of the door while folding my arms over my chest. Nikki mimicked my stance and folded her arms across her chest letting her own right shoulder lean into the door. Nikki said nothing, but simply stared, perhaps trying to restrain a slight smile. I blushed a little and stuck my right hand out playfully pushing on Nikki's left shoulder forcing her to take a step back. When I withdrew my hand, Nikki's left hand flew out and grabbed my wrist...firmly, indicating she wasn't going to let go easily. "You want something?" I whispered out my question and just then Nikki's grip softened, moving up to my hand as our fingers interlaced with one another. "Yes, I do." Nikki whispered back. I sighed nervously and closed my eyes, maybe pretending the moment wasn't happening or perhaps savoring the sensation. 'The latter most definitely.' Realizing how much I had missed my friend's touch. I smiled and opened my eyes shocked that our faces were now so close together, "Oh Nikki." I almost cried as my expression became emotional again. "Corbin." Nikki moaned and leaned forward pressing her lips into mine, it was a gentle kiss this time, but one that seemed to suddenly explode passionately as we kissed and sucked on one another's lips. Hands cradled and touched faces, necks, hair as her mouth seemed like it was trying to consume my own and vice versa, before our tongues snaked out as if engaging in a frantic wrestling match. I started leaning into her as we embraced, my knees starting to shake with anxiety. The kiss slowed and I blushed as I pulled away; "What?" Nikki asked following my retreating lips, taunting me with kisses and a swipe of her tongue. "I love you too." I smiled and looked up, the glistening in my eyes my must have surely melted Nikki's heart. "Oh Corbin." Nikki gushed and cradled my face, "Thank you for saying that." And her eyes welled up with tears, she didn't hold back now as they washed over her sunny cheeks. Although we were only lover's only in the spiritual sense, I could tell Nikki had started to want more...much more...something more physical. "I just want to hold you a little bit." Nikki whispered with a blush as she led me back to my own bed. Our bare legs, exposed by our soccer shorts, crossed and uncrossed over one another as we tried to keep everything very innocent and above the covers. I admitted that I still wasn't comfortable with being in a relationship with Nikki, something that Nikki herself admitted to being uncomfortable with also. Nikki had a boyfriend still and wasn't ready to give up guys altogether and I was still interested in finding a boyfriend, even if I was picky beyond compare. "Anyway..." I closed my eyes and shook my head in despair, "...as far as that other thing, with the initiation from the Soccer Team, I'll just deal with it the best I can I know it's an important ritual..." I rolled my eyes at how I found the whole thing idiotic, "...so I'll do it for-the-team." I said with a humorous sigh. Nikki sat up and wrapped her arms about my broad shoulders and hugged firmly, "You will do just fine, I know it's not your thing, but to some of these girl's it's a right of passage that has been handed down for years." "Just nothing over the top I hope." I looked up "It'll be fine." Nikki smiled and was suddenly surprised to feel her head tilt toward me, finally coming to rest on my right shoulder as I returned her hug. I smiled, that maybe things will work out for the best. ********** I watched the drops of sweat cling to my strands of hair and then after a few seconds break free and hit the tile floor of the women's locker room. I smiled and shook my head, watching several more drops of sweat splatter on the ground, although I wanted to change I was exhausted from practice and it felt wonderful. Physically pushing myself to new limits seemed the best way to tap into that feeling of being alive. But the hushed voices of several women broke my daydreaming and I sat upright with a quick jolt, quickly forgetting about my pain and bruising. My heart began to pound without mercy, 'Oh fuck, this is it.' I watched one of my team mates close the door and lock it, the sound of another latching door came from behind and caused me to take a quick glance over my shoulder. The only other exit out of the women's locker room was effectively sealed off, several members of the team milled about with mischievous smiles on their faces, and it was Katie the Team Captain that had the most amused look on her face. My eyes darted around the room and found Nikki in the very back of the throng of girl's, she had a sympathetic look on her face, but I knew no help was to be found there, 'Fuck, it was just last night that Nikki had warned me about this. She had to have known it would be tonight' I blinked several more times and slowly stood up. "Are you a natural blonde Corbin?" Katie stepped forward and a burst of muffled giggles went up from the girls in front and behind her. It sent a chill up my spine. "What? You know I am why?" I replied with a faint, but nervous smile. Which was true, I had taken showers with the girls before and they knew I was blonde, above and below deck. From behind her back, Katie pulled her left hand and set a box of on the end of bench. It only took a second to realize the contents, it was hair coloring and then she withdrew her right hand and set a bic razor down on the bench next to the box of hair color. Before I could even speak, Katie sneered, "You get a choice, you can either get a dye job up top and down below, OR get shaved, and I'm not talking about shaving your head." again some muffled giggles went up from the crowd. "What?" I took a step back but ran into the lockers and thus out of maneuvering room. Six girls stood, arms folded, to my right while about seven closed in from my left. "Now, we can do this the easy way, or the hard way, what will it be? And I don't mind telling you, we are anticipating doing it the hard way but we all like that, makes the whole experience that much more exciting." My heart thundered, I couldn't believe what I was seeing and hearing and what was about to happen. "Come'on guys, what are you talking about?" I nervously rung my hands together, I had also started to twitch nervously, my blink fast when I get scarred. Katie just watched without mercy, in fact, there was not a merciful eye in the entire group. They all had a bone to pick with me and my standoffish personality; I was not a team player but a loner although I contributed to the game and helped them win, psychologically and emotionally I was distant. Katie herself was semi attractive, with shoulder length dark brown hair that was naturally curly, more so in the warm, humid days. She was naturally olive in her skin complexion and stood about 5' 9". She was very athletic and had a small chest, but she was a girl that demanded respect; she was the senior person on the team, smart and fair. But now, all I could think was about how every bit of compassion and caring had left those eyes. "What do you think we are going to do with that razor?" Katie said. "I don't know." I clenched and unclenched my left fist. "Yes you do, say it!" Katie taunted. "Shave my legs?" I nervously replied my voice cracked with tension. Katie and the rest of the team laughed for the briefest of seconds, "No my dear, like I said, you get a choice; Pink pussy hair or no pussy hair, you've got five seconds to decide." "What? What? Five? You must be kidding!" I babbled. "Times up!" Katie smiled, "I've decided you're going to get a shave!" and a cheer of whistles and claps went up shaking me to my very core. 'Oh my god, they are serious!' It dawned on me they were going to strip me and shave me. "GET HER!" Katie yelled and lunged. Now, sometimes things move fast and sometimes things move slow, depending on where you stand. But in those one to two seconds that elapsed after Katie's charge I actually had time to reflect on something Nikki told me; 'Do not resist, that it would only make things go worse, much worse that the girl's in the past who resisted only ended up being further humiliated.' 'I just wish I wasn't so winded' I thought, because while I respected Nikki's opinion, I had decided that there was no fucking way I was going down without a fight! Katie charged first; it happened so fast I don't think Katie even realized what was going on until after I deflected her attack and she was skidding face-first towards the tile floor, quickly she outstretched her hands and broke the fall as her arms and legs splattered in all directions. She hit the deck with a loud 'OUFF'. I think it unnerved her to be thrown aside like that, but like I said, I'm allot stronger then most girls. "Get that bitch!" Katie sprang to her feet and spun around with a look of bewilderment, in just a few chaotic seconds I was already semi-sitting on one girl and had two more snared in separate head locks under my left and right arms respectively. The rest of the girls were prying at my arms and neck trying to dislodge me from the three trapped girls, who were screaming for help. The muscles lining my arms flexed and Katie knew that I was probably in panic mode, not realizing I was probably hurting them. Nikki had taken a backseat to the whole affair, and what a spectacle it must have been... "Watch it, that's my fucking leg!" "Who's biting me?" "She's choking me! GET HER OFF!" "AHHH! That's my breast, watch it!" "What the fuck, take her down!" Katie yelled. "What the fuck do you think we're trying to do!" A girl yelled back. I had taken at least three girls out of commission already, rolling on the floor nursing their wounds. But I knew it was probably only a matter of time as the remaining team members organized into an all out charge, but I was able to break away. Standard procedure was for last years hazing victims to be the ones to subdue the victim this year, but so far I had discarded them easily. Thus far that is... "FUCK!" A girl yelled as her clawing fingers couldn't hold as I broke loose and jumped the dividing bench. "You fucking bitch, I'm going to kill you." yelled Mora, the hot-blooded Latino of the team, as she stood nursing an elbow she just took to the side of the head from my escaping. "Sorry about that." I said to Mora, I was always apologetic, as my hazel eyes darted defensively around the room. "Your going to be so sorry bitch." Mora snapped, spit flew off her ragging lips, damn she seemed pissed! With a loud metal clatter, I voluntarily slammed my back into the opposing row of lockers to take a breather. I was free, but only for a second, my vision was partially obstructed by loose strands of my blonde hair, but I saw Katie suddenly appear to my left as she leapt up and stand on the bench several feet away with a smile on her face. Mora was circling in closer, she had this crazed look in her eyes that worried me, Mora was hot-tempered and I always suspected that the Latin girl never liked me. "Not bad Corbin, not bad at all, but you do realize you ARE going down!" Katie taunted. I took a deep breath and knew that there was probably no way out, I was doomed, with almost ten girls closing in on me now; My escape was probably just luck as they did not anticipate me to struggle so hard. But now, many of them were smarting bruises and even a bloody nose and I was now anticipating the worst type of payback and scanned the room looking for help, from anyone, especially from Nikki. My body slumped against the lockers and brought my left hand up to brush aside some hair, 'I'm so fucked' I thought and came close to loosing it as my left hand trembled with anxiety. 'Loosing it' in the sense that I thought I might break down and cry uncontrollably, but another part of me wanted to take down as many girls as possible, maybe that's what scared me, the thought I might really hurt someone. Do I really want to hurt someone? 'Fuck them' I Thought 'Fuck these bitches, I may go down, but the first one or two that get within arms length is going to be sorry.' and I steeled my mind and body for the inevitable. *WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM* a fist hammered three times on the locked door to the room, "Someone's coming, I think it's the coach!!" Betty's voice cried from outside; Betty being the designated lookout I take it. "What the fuck?" Katie looked around the room. The lookout was a formality, as they had done everything in their power to ensure privacy this evening. Suddenly Katie bolted down the bench from my left to the right and reached down scooping up the razor and hair dye product. Based on her queue the other girl's started to collect themselves in a somewhat confusing, disorganized manner. My eyes darted around the room, still unsure of what was happening when her heart leapt out of my chest as the door to her left opened and Mrs. Kinser stepped in, looking none too happy. "What's the emergency that I had to come back down here." But the Coach's words evaporated into silence as she took in everything around her. Obviously, she had just stumbled onto something. "I'm sorry Mrs. Kinser, someone called you down here?" Katie stepped around the corner and asked innocently, but the question had horrible consequences if some girl had indeed ratted them out. The coach took in the scene one more time and her eyes focused on me briefly, I was standing awkwardly, my back against the lockers, looking more exhausted then usual. "Must be my mistake." The coach said abruptly and spun around, several girls parted as she walked to the door, flung it open and walked out. The silence was terrifying as not a person moved in the entire room, until Katie performed a total 180 degree turn ending up looking at me, "Who ever had her come down her..." She didn't have to finish the threat, everyone already knew the gravity of being a whistle-blower. "WHO ELSE BUT HER!" Mora pointed and yelled at me. "Bullshit." Nikki snapped and stepped forward, "If she knew tonight was the night, then why would she even show up, she could have avoided this whole mess if she had just left practice and went straight to her room." Katie nodded her head, I seemed totally taken by surprise and if I knew when it was going to take place, why stick around? I surveyed the room and found a few admiring eyes, given the massive fight I had put up, while a few of the more bruised girls glared hard at me, but none more so then Mora. "What about her?" Mora raised her right hand and unwaveringly pointed at me, as if I was an accused culprit, waiting for execution. "Maybe some other time." Katie sighed. "MAYBE?" Becky called out from in the back, in shock that I might get off all together, Mora cast her own surprised glare from me to Katie in disbelief and then back to me again. "Yeah, I said maybe!" Katie snapped, "We have two big games coming up, and we need to focus on that, so this might just have to wait." "And as for you..." Katie's voice suddenly lowered to a more normal speaking tone and slowly walked over to where I stood. The attractive, olive-skinned girl raised her right hand up and brought the blade of the razor even with my chin. Watching with amusement at the way my hazel eyes focused on the instrument that was to be employed against me and noticed how I shuddered when Katie pressed it gently against my chin. "...until we decide what to do with you 'newbie', you're on laundry duty, got it?" and she tauntingly tapped the razor against my chin. It was interesting the way the atmosphere in the gym had become a bit somber and serious. The most startling revelation was how I detected an immediate division amongst the team members, the junior and senior girls were much more admiring and forgiving of me, a few going so far as to pat me on the back as they would walk. I smiled half-heartedly in response, although I still was shaking all over and slightly nauseous to my stomach. But it was the sophomore and freshmen girls that were determined to make sure I got my 'comings-up'. "You've still got something coming, you snot nosed cunt!" Crissy, another blonde whispered in my ear as she walked by, that surprised me to hear as I had always gotten along with Crissy, 'Why the sudden hostility?' But none so threatening as Mora, the feisty girl walked right up to me and shoved her dirty clothes and panties into my gym bag. "I want you to wash mine personally bitch, and don't fuck'em up." Mora sneered and slowly reached out, taking a single dangling piece of my blonde hair yanking it hard, hard and quick enough to pull it out at the root. I grimaced a little at the hair pull, eliciting a joyful sneer from Mora as she tossed the strand of hair into the air, it seemed to float for a second before slowly drifting down to the floor. Mora simply stepped around me, but not without a firm shoulder bump as she walked past. I staggered my feet to keep some balance and just looked down at the ground in frustration. "You ready?" The voice suddenly appeared from behind. I jerked and turned around, Nikki was standing with gym bag in hand. I nodded 'yes', there was no way I was going to take a shower here tonight, I would take one back at my dorm room. "Give me a sec." and I began to go around cleaning up the locker room and collecting all of the girl's dirty uniforms. A few girls took the opportunity to fling them maliciously at my head when I got close enough, but I didn't say a word and swallowed my pride as I cleaned up. Nikki sat watching sympathetically but didn't help while there were still team members around, she knew the unspoken rules. I needed to carry this out myself. During the walk out from the lockers, Nikki kept the pep-talk to a minimum as I seemed way to stressed by the whole event to probably even listen. "Where they serious about the shaving?" I suddenly asked, pausing at the entrance to my dorm. "I don't think so, maybe just to scare you." Nikki shrugged casually, her glancing away told me that it was all as serious as a heart attack, just great! "Well it worked." I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Fucking laundry duty? Damn, that sucks, that really sucks!" I nervously laughed, I was trying desperately to make light of everything, but my left leg started to spasm and tremble as my emotions were getting the better of me once again. "Yeah." Nikki chuckled a little, "Nothing worse then having to pickup a bunch of dirty, smelly soccer uniforms. But don't worry about it, I'll help you." Nikki smiled reassuringly. I watched Nikki's smile suddenly fad as tears began to stream down my cheeks, us girls don't just swallow our emotions, it feels good to let the damn burst sometimes. "Damn" I sighed and my left hand came up to quickly brush away the tears, embarrassed maybe I was letting the experience overwhelm me. Quickly Nikki stepped up and hugged me, embracing me for a few moments, not even saying a word. "Thanks Nik." I sighed, "I don't know what I would do without you these past few weeks." I returned the hug with greater effort and for the very first time I questioned if anything between us would be the same, even something so simple as a hug now felt like something more. Nikki's arms relaxed and she was pulling away from me now, "Thank you Corbin, for being my friend too." I could read Nikki pretty well at this point in our friendship, she had her wall up which meant there were so many things she wanted to do, verbally and physically. 'Shit,' I cursed privately, I couldn't even concentrate on anything right now, I was too freaked out by what happened several minutes ago and what was happening right now with my own internal emotions about my friend. Nervously I brushed my hair up over my ears and swiped my key card over the card reader to unlock the door, "Better take a shower." It was time to put this drama behind me, need to focus I was telling myself. "Talk to you tomorrow." Nikki smiled and turned away, it was forced, she didn't want to leave me and I didn't want her to go. I swallowed hard and struggled to pull myself together as I always do, but my eyes welled up with tears again and I wanted to cry, 'Fuck, get a grip Corbin.' I told myself, biting my lower lip. "Nik!" Her name came out of my mouth all on its own, I was stunned, I was shaking all over, almost crying again, the thought of being alone was upsetting, no wait a second, it was the thought of being without Nik that was upsetting me. "Huh?" She paused and turned halfway toward me, she looked guarded and cautious and I felt a lump in my throat, 'What am I doing, what is happening?' I wondered but the concerns faded like a passing cloud in the sky as I was now taking the initiative when I had always relied on Nikki to be the one to do that. I felt like I might sob uncontrollably and fought to keep it together. "Can you come up for a minute?" I pleaded, how my voice was intact I don't know. "Sure." Nikki said instantly, her face got an urgent look of concern and caring. Some guy came brushing past me out of the dorm door, he said his hello's to Nikki and I, but we gave only the briefest of acknowledgments, or did we, I don't even recall. She took my hand, was my hand even outstretched? Yes, but it took me looking down to see that, I was a mess, I felt a mess, but somehow a smile came thru when our fingers intertwined. The emotion that was radiating out of my body seemed to transfer thru our connected palms, Nikki was now smiling back at me. I looked over my shoulder as we quickly made our way up the stairs, two at time it seemed, Nikki's other hand slung her Gym bag up over her shoulder and now that free hand was reaching for my shoulder to rub it affectionately, reassuringly. Her beautiful tan face, once calm and subdued was flushed with emotion and concern, but not a word was spoken as we made our way up that staircase. I spastically unlocked my door and tossed my gym bag toward the foot of my desk, Nikki just let hers drop to her feet and didn't move from where she stood, except to close the door. I started to pace, rubbing my hands thru my hair tangled, sweat, soaked hair, I tried to gauge my emotions, the sweat, grass stains and dirt from the rough soccer practice didn't help, if anything it only seemed to irritate my mood. 'Don't do anything rash Corbin, don't act out on pure emotion.' I tried to find my way back to some sensiable, steady ground. "Corbin," Nikki's voice came toward me, she was tilting her head to try and engage my eyes, she was now right next to me, her hands rubbing my shoulders and over my arms. Her voice was so soft and concerned, "Its okay." I froze, stopped the pacing and looked my dear friend, I raised my hands to cradle her beautiful face, I was pissed and happy and frantic, all at the same time, I tilted my head forward and pressed my forehead against Nik's forehead, she was there and I was clutching her shirt taking deep breaths. I leaned into her and she pressed back, the smell of our sweating, dirty bodies and uniforms sent a buzz thru my senses that repulsed and excited me all at the same time. "I'm sorry, I'm just upset." I pleaded, leaning more into her, I felt nauseous in my stomach but Nikki didn't back away, she held onto me. I suddenly realized she was sweating and panting as hard as I was, I opened my eyes she was tearing up as well, I was shocked. We were filthy dirty, covered in sweat, grass and mud but no of that seemed to matter, I turned my head and pressed my lips against hers, the mixture of sweat, tears and saliva tasted unlike anything I had ever experienced. It was more satisfying then anything I could have ever imagined, and it was happening between my and my dear friend. A fresh coat of sweat started to pour from my body, we staggered around the middle of the room, grabbing one another and twisting as I found myself being aggressive in ways I had never thought I was capable of being. When Nikki's hand grabbed my ass I gasped and broke the kiss, grinding my pelvis into hers involuntarily, my bold actions had me in a state of shock. This was the most sexual we had ever been with one another, in fact this was the most sexual I had been ever in my life. I felt Nikki push her crotch back into mine and we both froze, the kiss stopped, only our lower lips still remained connected. We simply stood, holding our position to enjoy the contact of our most private of areas, another barrier was being broken and I was alarmed at how aroused I had become. I could never recall feeling this excited when in the presence of another boy that I really liked. Her warm breath flowed over my lips, I wanted to inhale every scent and odor from this lovely woman in front of me, that had me sexually tingling in so many parts of my body. What had become of the shy and reclusive Corbin I wondered as I reached around and griped Nikki's ass, "Buns of steel" I sighed and smiled, this caused Nikki to chuckle, I saw a sparkle in her eyes and she lowered her head so that her mouth could begin to sensually suck and lick under my chin. I tilted my head back and moaned as my knees buckled, a shiver went up my spine. "Down" was all I could utter, I moaned and tried to guide my left knee toward my bed for support, Nikki understood and we now helped one another down to the bed. We cautiously explored one another, I trembled as my hands lifted Nikki's shirt and touched her quivering belly, it was toned and rock hard, but still rippled with excitement wherever I touched her. Nikki's touch was just as dramatic on my body, I gasped when she pulled up on my shirt and caressed my abs, moving up to my sports bra. "So strong." She moaned and leaned down to kiss my belly, licking my abs and belly button. "I love you Nik." I sighed, almost weeping, we both seemed to be on the verge of tears from the moment we got back to my dorm. Nikki's body froze and her head came, her eyes blinked and the darkness of her pupils filled with even more tears as she moved up to my face. "I love you to Corbin." And we started to kiss in a slow, but sensual way. I've made out with Kevin back in High School, nothing too hot and heavy, a few times on the couch at my house and a few over at his house, it was nice. But I never felt or imagined anything like this, and never with another girl. Nikki wasn't that much more experienced then I was, although she had slept with one guy and that was her current boyfriend, she was very conservative like me. We spent a great deal of time learning and exploring with each other. Once again, the contour of our lips seemed perfect for one another, and our tongues gently explored. The bottom of her wonderfully warm tongue slid over the top of mine and into my mouth, instinctively I wrapped my lips around her tongue and sucked it into my mouth, gently at first and then hard. Nikki moaned and her eyes went wide, she wiggled it between my lips and in my mouth as I moved back and forth along her pink muscle. I had never done that and Nikki said it was a first for her, but we were both hooked by this the erotic sensation would spend long minutes sucking each others tongue. When we took a break from making out, I finally had to ask, "What are we going to do?" as I stroked her face. "I don't know." Nikki sighed, "I don't know." She turned toward me as we laid on our sides, soothing and comforting one another as we continued to find new ways of tightly entertaining our legs and arms around one another, still dressed mind you. "I never thought something like this would happen." Nikki said, "Not to me, I always thought I had a solid gauge of my feelings for guys and women. Where all of this came from I have no idea. And I can't believe you feel the same way, you know how I'm all into spiritual beliefs about two people being soul-mates." I know this sounds corny and all, but in that tiny space of my little bed I really felt like we hand bonded into one person, every action and reaction flowed without thought or effort, it just existed. The perspiration, breathing, and sighs of our lips pressing against one another became indistinguishable. "You're my soul mate Nikki." I whispered into her mouth and kissed her long and softly. Did I actually believe it? I wasn't sure, I had my doubts, but I wanted to get lost in the moment, I wanted to swept away from all my insecurities and fears. This was our private secret moment, and the world outside no longer existed. "Oh Corbin." Nikki sighed and pulled me tight, "I want this to work, I know that's asking allot right now, but please think about it, I'm not saying we should stand on the roof top and proclaim our love for one another, but these feelings are as real as I could have ever imagined and hoped for." I kissed her on the lips and closed my eyes, I was smiling as I felt her tongue trace along my mouth, "I think your right, but let's go slow." "Slow it is." I heard her sigh and I opened my eyes to see a beaming beautiful smile. "I need to take a shower." I whispered and we slowly untangled ourselves, I sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at my dirty soccer socks. I looked to my left and Nikki rolled onto her back, her right arm came up and tucked under her head for support, she was relaxed and as happy as I had ever seen her. I smiled back down at her and we just stared at one another for a long minute, my left hand crawled toward her shin and up to her left knee where I softly massaged her bare thigh under her shorts. 'How did I end up at this place?' I wondered, looking down at this girl, so many times I thought there would be some guy laying in Nikki's place, what a guy wouldn't do to be in Nikki's place.' "What's so funny?" Nikki asked, I must have been smiling at that thought. "Guys would kill to trade places with either of us." I said, she smiled in return. "True, very true." The next thought that went thru my mind just about caused me to hyperventilate and I couldn't even look Nik in the eyes, in fact I withdrew my hand from her leg as I reached down to grip the bed sheet, my hand clinching into a fist from the stress. 'Nikki, if you want, maybe we could take a shower together.' I thought that, but that is not what I said, I just didn't feel ready to cross that line. I know we've showered in the women's locker room plenty of times, but I had no doubt with all of the emotions running high, that if we did take a shower together, right now, it would probably lead to us making love. We were both cautious about what we did, I think every new ground that was explored on a physical level was a test. The hugging led to cuddling, which in turn led us to explore kissing, we found that our passion and love for one another only ignited with greater intensity as a new barrier was tested and broken thru. "Then we can go back to your place?" I smiled. "Sounds wonderful." Nikki sighed. ********** The next day I flipped out, internally that is, I was not ready to come out of the closet and proclaim I was in love with a girl and ready to commit. Yes I loved Nikki and wanted to pursue something with her, but the thought of having boyfriend seemed to beckon me, until I could resolve that, I wasn't sure what to do. With so many emotions swirling around my brain I channeled all that energy into lifting like a crazy woman. Arms, chest, shoulders, legs, and any and every muscle I could identify on a chart, I put it to work. I worked out about 2 hours a day, four or five days out of the week when time permitted. The more the girls on the Soccer team hazed/taunted/pushed me the harder I trained and lifted, but I could tell it was only a matter of time before a blow-up occurred with one or several of the girls on the team. It was during this time of becoming an 'athletic terror' (I don't think I really was, but I just like that phrase:) that I would finally met Dale face to face; he had just transferred and played football. In reality it was Dale that had frantically sought me out after seeing me that night at the bar. Nikki and I were still an item, but it was all very secret and on the side, she had her boyfriend and I started seeing Dale, we even ironically went on several double dates together, we each smiled knowingly at one another from across a dinner table. Dale introduced himself out of the blue, "Hi" I heard the voice from above as I sat on the workout bench, staring idly at the floor in between my reps. 'Fuck' I mumbled, prepared yet again to tell some guy to get lost, but my mouth and brain shut down when I looked up and saw Dale looking down at me with his sincere smile. "I'm Dale." and he stuck his right hand, I gave a reluctant smile and reached out to take his hand. 'Well you dummy.' I thought to myself, at least make an effort to get to know him. It was strange as I really DID want to get to know him. "Look, I just wanted to say hi, I've seen you around school and maybe we'll run into each other again soon?" "Have you already worked out?" I blurted out and suddenly was shocked to hear the words coming from my mouth, in fact I was almost up and off the bench but quickly sat back down, not wanting to appear too eager. Dale just smiled and took my question to be an invitation. Dale and I began to lift every once in awhile, but like every guy, his concentration sucked, he would rather check out my ass, legs and tits although he tried valiantly not to. Yet, he seemed relaxed around me, which was a nice change of pace because so many guys acted inept or childish with their bantering small talk and stupid one-liners. It's not that Dale was naturally quiet, but he would rather not say anything then make stupid small talk, something that I very much appreciated. When he did start to open up, I found Dale to be smart, funny and he was gorgeous to boot, something that quickly became an issue as every single or semi-single girl suddenly began putting 'The Vibe' out there for him to pick up on. 'I'm not playing that game' I told myself, I had too much self respect to ever compete for a man, which seemed to spurn Dale on a bit further in my direction; the less I acted interested, the more he chased me. I had learned to play the dating game and didn't even realize I was involved with my first serious boyfriend at College, ironically I also wondered, 'Perhaps I am the one that needs a shot at redemption where socializing is concerned?' (Now before everyone thinks I have a swelled head, I do acknowledge there was allot of competition at this school, allot of gorgeous girl's that most likely could put me to shame. I don't know why he became so interested in me, well that's not fair, I have allot to offer, so why shouldn't he be interested in me!) Dale stood 6'3" and was in incredible shape, he had to be agile and fast so 'bulking up' on muscles was not in his plan, although he had plenty of them. Opportunity presented itself when Dale asked what I was doing after my morning workout; it was an opening for something social, so I casually sat down on the workout bench and looked across at him. His right leg bounced up and down nervously, Dale had heard that I rejected men with the ease of fly-swatting, almost in a nonchalant manner which could almost be perceived as being cruel. But his stress was overcome with relief when I shrugged and picked up my towel, "Heading back to my room to change, and then after that, who knows?" "You mind if I walk you back?" He asked. "Sure." I smiled and stood to wipe down the padding on the weight bench. God he was nervous, it was so cute, I loved that and I loved flirting with him. For example, right before leaving I leaned over to pick up my gym bag and lingered as I bent over to collect my stuff, I knew he was staring at my butt but I didn't mind. Not that he was catching a peek show because I always wore my baggy, almost knee length track shorts. That night we went on our first date, we seemed to draw allot of attention as we walked into the establishment; Me in my long grey, form fitting slacks, with a black top contrasted my long blonde hair nicely. Dale looked extremely pleased with himself, walking into one of the local College restaurants with me on his arm. Although a date, if it could be called that because I kept him at arms length the whole night and only gave him a hug outside of my dorm room. (I knew he had an erection because I could feel it when he hugged me or there was something very big and scary down there.) I was actually a nervous wreck on our second date, I had held Dale's hand on our first date, but I knew he would be closing in for a kiss on the second, something I had avoided the first time out. He had figured out that I was conservative based on my body language, again, he walked me to my dorm building, and he got the point when I didn't invite him up once again, but he decided to make the bold move and see if things would progress further; "Mind if I kiss you goodnight?" He asked, and I actually blushed and smiled, "Sure". He leaned in and kissed me, it felt very nice, a tingle ran up my back and his arms went around pulling me in a little closer. I didn't even mind when he wanted to use his tongue (in fact I wanted him too). We French kissed for several minutes on the steps and felt myself leaning into him, wanting him to hold me, enjoying it, my body and mind suddenly spiraling into separate directions. Slowly I forced myself to pull away, not that I wanted to as I wanted to keep kissing him, it was nice, different from Nikki in almost everyway. His mouth was forceful and probing and I allowed him to pursue me a little bit as my hands came up to his chest pushing a little. Wow, a shiver ran up my spine and now my nipples were extremely hard as I kept trying to disengage from the kiss. This is a perfect example of why I could not commit to Nikki, dating Dale felt wonderful and I didn't want to break things off. "Nice." I sighed and leaned away, "Thanks, I had a good time." "Thank you, can I call you for another date?" He asked excitedly. "Why yes you may." I said in a mocking formal tone and we both laughed a little as my head came to rest on his shoulder while he pulled me in close. (Ahhhhh thinking back on that night still brings a smile to my lips, my wonderful Dale:) ********** I was starting to feel good again, actually I was starting to feel great. My body was in the best shape of my life, I now had strong, good looking muscles and was probably stronger then any girl on campus, but still not so strong emotionally at times. Evident when I was walking with Nikki one day and saw Sharon across the way in front of her Sorority house, having a huge social, I really missed her company. On a social note, my dates with Dale were going fine, but I was stressed about the growing physical expectations he was having and I wished that I had Sharon here to talk with, believe it or not, Sharon always had good straight forward advice about this sort of stuff. I could talk to Nikki about this stuff, but Nikki and I would rather cuddle, hug and kiss when we were alone, sharing intimate secrets and talk in depth about life, love and the future, not about boys. ********** "You want to come up?" Dale asked as we pulled up in front of the apartment complex. I knew I had to make a decision about what to do and if I wanted things to go further, up till now it had been about a month of hand holding and heavy kissing. "Okay." I said in an almost whispering voice. Nervously I ran my hands over my skirt as we walked up the stairs to his second floor apartment. 'So odd' I thought, I felt so far away from home and so on my own now, like a grown woman figuring her way thru life. My heart pounded in my chest as I ascended the stairs, although I had been into the sparsely male decorated apartment before, this time it took on a whole new meaning as I knew his expectations about 'being-together' were building, but unfortunately, I couldn't relax which was draining all of the thrill and intimacy right out of me. And another odd feeling flooded thru me as I found myself wondering where Sharon was and what she was doing. "Would you like a drink?" Dale asked. "No, I'm fine." I set my purse on the counter and nervously looked around. "Where's Steve?" I asked, making polite chit chat. "Good question, not sure." Dale responded, typical of guys I thought, they failed to keep track of one another. I had chosen to wear a pleated thigh length skirt this evening, even with the chilly temperatures outside, but had a sweater on over my short long sleeve top. Sitting down on the sofa I leaned into him as he wrapped his left arm about my shoulder, it was warm and relaxing and for the first time that evening I was able to allow some of my anxieties to wash away. So much so, that I felt a slight nudge on my shoulder and blinked, my head bolting upright, "Huh?" my groggy voice called out. "You fell asleep, do you want me to drive you home or would you rather stay here." He asked. 'There it was' I noted and tensed, blinking my eyes, I had never slept in a bed with a man before, even platonically. I was fearing the worse, but I was so sleepy and actually longed for some company tonight that I looked over at him to make 'a deal'. "I don't mind sleeping over Dale, but no sex." I flat out said it, maybe it didn't come out the most diplomatic tone or way, but I wasn't known for being articulate where people's feeling were concerned. Dale leaned back and feigned a little shock, when in all actuality I also detected a trace of disappointment, "Whatever you say, that fine with me." he hugged me and we stood up to walk down the hall to his bedroom while quickly he went about turning out the lights and TV. "I need something to sleep in." I looked around and Dale quickly fetched me some pajama bottoms, a top and walked me into the bathroom, "Here is an extra tooth brush, and it's never been used!" he said with a smile, I chuckled and nodded, "That's good to know". I shut the door and slid off my skirt and top, putting the flannel pajama top and pants on, it was really sort of cool sleeping over with my boyfriend and felt a sense of pride that I could call him that. 'No, no, no' I reminded myself, 'He is the lucky one.' I recited to myself over and over. Dale was already in bed, and the first thing that I noticed was he wasn't wearing a top, and I hoped he at least had boxers on under the covers. Nervously I pulled my hair back as I walked around the bed, "Pretty sexy, huh?" I smiled nervously as I tugged on the long pajama bottoms with my fingers. "With you in them they are." Dale smiled and pulled the sheets back, I crawled in and snuggled up close to him. "I'm glad I put clean sheets on today." He laughed. "Yeah, me too." I smiled, I felt his right hand roam over my stomach and discreetly slip under my top, coming to rest on my bare stomach, his fingers tracing the outline of my abs. It felt good as I enjoyed the sensation of his touch. "Can I see?" He asked. "Oh, uh sure." I nervously smiled and pulled back the sheets, he unbuttoned the bottom two buttons of my shirt to reveal my abs. Leaning over he kissed my stomach several times sending small flutters up thru my tummy, "God I love this body." He sighed and a thrill went up thru me at having someone pay so much attention to me even it was purily physical almost like he was worshipping me. And I really didn't mind it. 'Okay that's enough.' I thought, wanting to make sure things didn't go too far, and then I actually said it aloud and playfully pushed his head aside while covering up my tummy. He laughed a little rolled back over, sort of going with the whole thing I guess, but I could tell his male drive wanted to keep touching and fondling. As for me, it was just an exhilarating rush to sleep over at some guy's House. 'My Boyfriend's place' that is, as I thought of it now. But it was just the idea of Dale courting me that made me feel like a pampered girl, it was invigorating. 'So why am I laying here, falling asleep, wondering what is going on with Nikki?' ********** "Well, I'm impressed." Nikki sighed. "About?" I smiled and looked over. "You and Dale." Nikki replied. "What can I say." I said as if it was no big deal, trying to be a little vain but ended up laughing and blushing over the whole topic. "Are you two?" Nikki smiled mischievously. "Married?" I smirked with a sarcastic tone. "I'm jealous." Nikki sighed and walked over, gently touching me on the shoulder, massaging my muscles. "Jealous? You serious?" I blushed again and looked down at the ground, quickly glancing up at Nikki's eyes. "A little." She shrugged, "Not sure why. I have a boyfriend too, isn't that odd." Nikki said, seemingly lost in thought as her left hand lightly touched my right arm and shoulder. I turned around and pulled Nikki into my arms, "Come here." I whispered and pulled her toward me. Nikki smiled broadly as we both awkwardly fell back onto my bed. There was an innocent joy in these moments I thought, I had somehow set aside my anxieties over being physical when it came to another woman. 'It feels good, safe, relaxing.' I thought with a smile and our embrace was soon replaced with a deep kiss, the most intense yet as we slathered our tongues deeply into one another's mouths, holding and kissing one another when Nikki grabbed my butt with both hands pulling me in tight. "Sometimes I want you all to myself." Nikki sighed into my open mouth. "You do?" I moaned. "I do." She whispered. ********** Dating Dale had its own new experiences that I had never anticipated for. The most stressful being a trip over to Dale's apartment after Soccer practice one day. I had shown up at a pre-arranged time, although Dale's car was nowhere in the parking lot, but I went up to the apartment anyway. Steve was there and answered the door inviting me in, now I didn't know Steve all that well, but he seemed like a decent enough guy. Steve stood about 5'10" with unkept red hair, but otherwise a fairly tidy person like Dale, 'Thank god' I thought as I could be such a stickler for neatness. "You just get off from practice?" Steve asked, eyeing my soccer uniform, actually I watched his eyes continue to trail down towards my legs often. "Yep." I said and sat down at the Kitchen table, while Steve had gone back into the living room to watch TV but slowly turned his attention back to me when I asked, "Dale running late?" while checking my cell phone to see if there were any messages. "Just a little, he should be home any second." Steve looked over at me again and then cut off the TV. "You can fix yourself something to eat or drink if you like, just help yourself." He called out, now his full attention was directed towards me. "Thanks." I replied and picked at a piece of tattered string coming off my shorts. I knew Steve had a hard time figuring me out, because of my typical one-word answers, I guess to him he might as well be talking to a brick wall. I looked up from picking at my dirty shorts and saw him walking towards the kitchen table, it caught me a little off guard but didn't give me any grave concerns at the moment. I really didn't have any bad vibes from being around Steve, but this was the first time I ever been really alone with him. "You weight lift?" Steve pulled out a chair to my left and sat down. 'Oh great...' I thought, '...is he going to grill me now?' "Some." I answered and was trying to change mental gears into my 'Social Mode' for some conversation, if that is what he was expecting. "How much can you lift and such?" He leaned forward, folding his arms casually in front of him on the table top. "Oh, I don't really keep track of that sort of stuff, I just try and stay in shape." I smiled and tried to brush off the pursuit of any more question about that topic of conversation. Steve watched my every movement, even under the smudges of sweat and dirt he seemed fascinated with me. "Oh come on, you don't keep track?" He scoffed at the thought, "As dedicated as you are, it's hard for me to believe that you don't have some idea." he probed. I shifted in the seat a little and let out a small, indistinguishable sigh of annoyance, "Not really, I keep track of everything up here." and pointed to my forehead with a smile. "So, how serious are you with Dale?" Steve suddenly shifted questions again, catching me off guard a bit. "What?" My mouth opened with puzzlement, I understood the question, but was a little surprised he was being so forward. "You know what I mean, I notice you've been coming over allot more, so I figure that you two must be getting pretty serious." He smiled and seemed amused that I was stumbling over my words. "Well, were dating, but serious, I mean if you're asking are we committed to dating one another exclusively, yes, we haven't really discussed it at length." It dawned on me that it was a good point, I had never demanded nor asked that we date exclusively, I just 'assumed' we were at that point. "So maybe your unsure at this point? So there might be an opportunity for something else?" He raised his eyebrows and totally shocked me as his right hand reached out, his palm coming to rest on my left knee that was folded over my right leg. (I am still shocked by how I reacted to Steve's forward behavior, maybe embarrassed when I look back on it, and I know I freaked Steve out by my reaction, as you will see.)College_12