My Story 30
By Corbin
How life tests the endurance, patience, and sometimes faith of one young woman.

**********

In any case, here we are, or here I am, fresh out of College (that sounds 
gay, but seems suitable so I wrote that). 

Nikki and I breached the subject of moving in together, but there was the issue 
of being friends who were also romantically involved. So we needed to move 
forward as any other couple would that was dating, besides we were STILL taking 
things slow in the physical area.

So that left me with Sharon as a roommate, after we figured out the ground 
rules, for co-existing that is, which would save me from going crazy and her 
from getting a severe beating for annoying the crap out of me. Sharon understood 
me though, she knew I was quiet most of the time and could be a loner, she 
didn't take any of that personally. On the other end of the spectrum, she was a 
social terror, always coming and going, planning, inviting co-workers over and 
having small social events at our townhouse to schmooze with her peers at work. 
What fucking peers? Her father is the CEO and Chairman, she goes crying 
to daddy if people give her a hard time. 

I usually hide in my room or stay at the bookstore or gym, or Nikki's when she 
has company over. And on the rare occasion she insists that I make an appearance 
at one of her parties, I just grin and bear it.

Not long after Sharon and I moved in, Nikki floored me with something;

"I think we should take some time apart." Nikki said in a very calm manner, I 
remember this conversation so vividly, it was a Saturday afternoon and she was 
sitting across from me in a chair, while I sat on her sofa.

"What the hell?" I had no clue where this was coming from, she normally doesn't 
keep stuff from me, how long has these been brewing inside of her?

"Just hear me out." Nikki said, still trying to remain calm and trying to calm 
me down. But I felt my heart pounding and I think I had this crazed look on my 
face, so much of my life was tied up with Nikki, so much of what I often thought 
about as being a future together was now being completely shaken up. 
ALL THE SHIT WE JUST WENT THRU IN COLLEGE!!!!!

I wanted to yell and cry and have a fit of anger all at the same time, actually 
that's normal for me, so I should say I wanted to do all of aforementioned to 
an extreme degree.

"Listen, just listen." Nikki said and her voice started to tremble as she stood 
up and walked over to the sofa, "I've thought about this long and hard." 

"Nice of you to discuss it with me!" I snapped sarcastically, when she sat down 
to my right and tried to take my right hand into her lap I jerked it away, she 
didn't try again but simply clasped her hands together nervously, I even 
detected a slight tremble to her finger tips.

"You and I are getting ready to make the biggest commitment in our lives," Nikki 
started out okay, her voice fairly steady, but for the first time I looked 
across at her and felt true anger, real resentment toward this girl, things I 
never thought I would feel that towards her.

"How can you do this, how can you suggest such a thing!" I wasn't able to resist 
any longer, I was floored by what she was insinuating.

"Your family and my family, our friends and our future are all getting ready to 
be forever intertwined when we tell them that we are best friends, girlfriends 
and lovers." She started to cry a little and that's when I began to cry as well.

"So what in the hell are you talking about? What do you mean time apart? I don't 
want to date around and I am sure as hell not getting involved with another 
girl, there is no one else!" I stated and lowered my aching head while bringing 
my left elbow to rest on my left knee so I could then cradle my face into my 
hand. "I don't believe this."

When I realized that Nikki was dead set on us taking some time away from one 
another, taking a break, or whatever she wanted to call it, I suddenly felt like 
I needed to regain some control of the situation, of my life. So I stood up and 
walked around the small ottoman that was in front of the sofa, Nikki's beautiful 
dark eyes followed me intently, "Then call it what it is, we are officially 
broken up so you can go figure out whatever the hell it is you need to figure 
out!" 

"It's not like that Corbin, couples do this sometimes, I don't want us broken 
up, I just want to make sure we're as clear as possible on this." Nikki's face 
got a tad red around her neck and cheeks, sure sign she was getting ready to 
ball, hell, I was getting ready to full blown cry any second.

"I don't want to think anymore, I've been trying to think this through for 
months but it got me nowhere, you were the one always telling me had to let 
our emotions guide us and there was no rule book to any of this!" I was 
struggling to keep my voice low, but I knew I was close to shouting.

"That's true!" Nikki snapped, "But don't I get a chance to think it thru as 
well? I'm sorry this is lousy timing Corbin!" 

I watched her eyes tear up, her full lips quivered and that got to me and I 
sobbed a few times trying to wipe the tears from my eyes, "It's always lousy 
timing, it's always something." I whimpered and walked toward the kitchen 
counter to get my keys.

"Corbin wait." My girlfriend, I should say ex-girlfriend now was walking up to 
me trying to hug me, but that was the last thing I wanted.

"Nikki come on, please I just want to go home and rest." While I awkwardly kept 
moving out of her gently pawing hands and toward the door.

"Corbin I'm sorry, just let me get thru this, we'll get thru this okay?" Nikki 
pleaded.

"Is there someone else?" I suddenly spun around and asked.

"NO!" Nikki really got angry with me for that question and I could tell it dug 
deep at her to hear me ask that.

"Okay, sorry." I said in more then a whisper then anything and pulled the door 
open. I was startled to feel Nikki's hands pull on my shoulder and wrap around 
the front of me, I jerked and rolled my shoulders to free myself from her but 
she simply clutched onto me even tighter. I relented to her touch, I always 
enjoyed her touch and let my body lean forward against the door as she rested 
against me.

"I'm sorry love." Nikki pressed her face against the back of my head and wept.

I didn't respond and didn't know what to say really, I was still in a bit of 
shock, I felt sick to my stomach and light headed. My right hand came up and 
tightly gripped her right wrist, I teetered between wanting to pull free from 
her hug, or just keeping her arm wrapped around me forever.

Such a confusing time in our relationship.

It didn't take a stroke of genius to figure out something was seriously wrong 
with me, Sharon was all over the case when I came dragging out of the bedroom, 
eyes puffy and red from crying. Sharon was secretly thrilled I think, hoping 
that I was coming out of my relationship with Nikki, that maybe it was just a 
one time thing on my part and I would go back to dating guys.

Nikki and I talked a few days later over the phone, it was very painful because 
we truly loved one another, but every time we would get right up to the edge of 
taking the ultimate commitment and declaring our love to our family (which we 
still kept secret at the time) one of us got cold feet. Not to mention we had 
still not made love yet and it scared both of us for some reason, it's like as 
long as we kept things to kissing, cuddling and hugging it was wonderful.

The stubborn side of both of us also made the break all the more long, because 
when Nikki decides to do something she will find a way to do it, and I was not 
going to brow beat her back into dating me again, if she wanted time apart well 
I was going to give it to her.

During this break I actually met a really nice guy, do not classify him as a 
boyfriend or anything like that, but he was really good company and so we went 
out a few times. I didn't classify this as dating as I was still in love with 
Nikki and knew that there was never any future but with her. So, I was at the 
bookstore on one of my great escapes from one of Sharon's parties. I was looking 
mighty fine to, in my gray sweat pants and pull-over sweat shirt, hair pulled 
back into a ponytail and no makeup. I was there to escape, not meet anyone, but 
meet someone I did! For the sake of privacy, we will call him Jason :)

He started the conversation as I was standing in an aisle way, fairly 
focused on finding a book, my eyes roaming back and forth on the shelves, 
totally oblivious to someone standing next to me, until I saw his hand point to 
a shelf and say "That's a good one."

Why did I respond with more then a simple nod? Because he didn't even look at 
me, he seemed shy himself, but he was handsome and my height and looked fit, and 
okay I am going down my mental checklist to see if passes my quality control 
standards. :)  He did, so I responded, wasn't that nice of me?

"Thank you." I said and turned my head towards him, to see if he was going to 
engage my stare. Sure enough he did and it's amazing what a smile can do to a 
guy, I saw the transformation instantly, he became putty in my hands 
Bwahahaha!

Seriously, more on him later.

So, as most of you know, I don't watch allot of TV, mainly because I had 
Sharon to entertain me, she was so full of drama it was amazing. She was 
all about appearances and used to razz me all the time about my disheveled 
appearance or my tardiness to her little parties, but then she would turn around 
and be extremely touchy-feely with me. Now that's not too uncommon, we women can 
be affectionate towards one another, but strictly in a friendly sense mind you, 
like whenever I would get stressed out she was there to massage my shoulders and 
neck, nothing odd about that. Also, I knew Sharon was straight as an arrow, had 
a boyfriend at the time and things with Jason (book store guy) were looking 
good, while things with Nikki didn't look so good. 

Nikki and I are always honest with one another, and I told her I was hanging 
around with Jason, but that it was NOT dating him, but she still got very upset 
with me, accusing me of trying to punish or hurt her for wanting some time 
apart. (Gheesh how did things get to messed up between Nik and I back then?) I 
told her there was nothing serious between Jason and I, that he asked me out and 
that it was more friends then dating, I tried to make this very clear to Jason, 
but I think he just assumed I would 'come around' to dating him.

"I can't believe I have to listen to this!" She yelled at me into the phone, 
then cursed me out in Portuguese before hanging up.

So you know what I did? I sent her a love letter and she called me and said she 
ripped it up! God what a bitch! So this split ended up being good in some ways 
because I was convinced that Nikki was my one true love, we don't often get to 
say that about someone, even Dale came back around wanting to date me, but the 
longer Nikki and I stayed apart the more we ached for one another. I've never 
had that kind of longing for anyone else...EVER!

So, I went over to her apartment and confronted her about ripping up my love 
letter, she and I had this long argument, the irony is how much we argued while 
we were broken up. It was like some kind of therapy the way we would vent at one 
another, and then one night it totally hit us like a ton of bricks. We were 
standing in her bedroom, getting into a very heated argument (again) where I'm 
telling her 'You are the one doing the punishing, I didn't break up with you!' 
Nikki then, literally, grabs me by the shoulders and tells me to get out, 
pushing on me, so I grab her back and the next thing I know we are pushing and 
shoving and then we fall backward, rolling around on top of her bed locked in a 
deep kiss. WOW! Make that double **WOW**!

It was one of the most passionate kisses I had ever had with her, and that 
says allot, I laid on top as both her hands squeezed my ass thru my 
jeans, we spent a good fifteen minutes rolling back and forth and making out on 
her bed, no talking just kissing and hugging. We were full blown grinding, 
groping and humping one another. Like I said, this was all some kind of weird 
therapy, but while we were broken up we worked thru allot of stress and emotions 
that we both had been bottling up, anxieties about telling our families and even 
making love with one another. I think that while we were dating prior to the 
split we spent allot of time trying to avoid conflict so we rarely ever argued 
or disagreed, but after the split we didn't resist telling the other what we 
thought! And with no consequences! I mean come on, what were we going to do? 
Break up? We were already broken up! Maybe that was the rational behind it all.

Nikki bridged her hips and rolled us over, now she was on top of me, and framed 
my face in between the palm her hands. She shook out her long black hair and it 
fell all around my face, she smiled and I smiled back.

We both kind of stared long into each others eyes, with that loving, bedroom-
eyes kind of gaze that we wanted to make love to one another right-then-and-
there. "I like this aggressive side of you." I whispered.

Nik just smiled a little and teasingly bit on my lower lip, Nik sighed and then 
her look got serious, more serious then I have ever recalled, Nikki's eyes got 
dark and intense, it was very unnerving, and then she said "Your mine."
Simple as that, but she didn't need to say anything else and I didn't need to 
hear anymore. I was already floored, my smile faded and I felt my insides become 
warm with this odd sensation as Nikki possessively laid down the law! I loved 
it! I felt so weak and helpless laying there under her. I wanted to cry, and 
said with almost a whisper, "I'll always be yours."

With those two words she was making it perfectly clear that she did not find my 
friendship with Jason to be amusing in the slightest. Most importantly, that 
even while things were 'stressful' in our relationship, we were committed to one 
another and that 'I' belonged to her!
 
(Just so you fine readers know, Nikki was not playing mind games with me, she 
was genuinely coming to terms with telling her whole family about 'us', she had 
been so strong thru College, so strong for both of us. We all work thru these 
emotional hurdles in our own way, this was Nikki's way, hell I can't blame her, 
I pushed her away many times in College when I panicked and needed space.)

Nikki and I had allot suitors by the way, it was mostly an annoying distraction. 
I found a definite distinction amongst all of the men and could easily classify 
them into separate niches or fetishes; The most extreme were the ones that 
wanted me to beat them up, well not beat them up with my fists, but wrestle them 
because I took Jiu-Jitsu at the time so they wanted to 'Roll' with me, but only 
because it was a 'turn on' to them, and let me retell a true moment as evidence:

"She can kick my ass any day she wants."

That is an exact quote that I overheard at a party Sharon was hosting one 
evening. So, it begs the question, what is it with you guys want girls 
to kick your asses? I would be happy to oblige, please just form a line right 
HERE and the ass whippings will begin. But that's not fair, not every guy 
deserves that, well...then again :)

I was even more shocked when I heard Sharon snap right back at him, 
"You'd enjoy that wouldn't you?" That's Sharon for you, clever and quick 
thinking. I was even more surprised when the guy responded with some 
honesty, "Hell yeah!" and I think everyone knew he was serious.

Freaking pervert! ;)

Who am I to talk? Because the guy that made that comment was David, a friend of 
Sharon's, someone that Sharon was also trying to hook me up with, even when I 
was dating Nikki.

Anyway, where was I? Hell if I know, I am going to ramble in this part and 
there is not a damn thing you can do about it! Oh yeah, some guys would 
push on me, playing around I think to try and rile me up so I would push 
or hit them back. One time I turned around and slugged a guy in the arm 
when he shoved me on the shoulder, I could tell it hurt him too 'cause I pack a 
hard punch and the way he grabbed at his arm and rolled his shoulder in allot of 
discomfort. But then he had this look of glee in his eyes, like he wanted me to 
belt him again, how very odd. That's only the minority, most guys want to do the 
straight up dating thing; dinner, movies, romantic walks, all of that fine stuff 
that I do really love, but that's about it. I do appreciate compliments from men 
who focus on my muscles and I think allot of women out there are really missing 
out on all the attention being strong and fit can bring. Most girls go for the 
sickly thin or 'I don't give a crap' fat look or somewhere in between, but I am 
in the minority of women who seriously 'lift'. Well, not body builder serious, 
but darn close. I admit, sometimes I pose in front of the mirror, especially 
after taking a shower when I am soaking wet. I don't feel bad for indulging in 
those moments because I spend so much time working in the gym and to see the 
payoff is amazing, it's hard to walk that fine line of getting really buff and 
strong while keeping something of a very sensual appeal to my body. 

Anyway, I would love to crank the heat up on the shower, till steam would 
fill the entire bathroom, all nice and hot. And then still nude, totally soaked 
I would step onto the mat right outside the tub and to my right is a full 
length mirror. So anyway, that is one of my few moments of self-admiration.

But let me recall an event that still hangs vividly in the back of my mind 
and still is a lingering problem. Well, I should say 'she' is still a lingering 
problem, yeah, can you believe it? I still have a run in or two with 
disagreeable people. I mean, what the heck! I'm such a joy to be around!

But really, I'm still trying to mind my own business here...but alas, trouble 
comes looking for me. I should have just gone to the Library or Gym that 
evening, but instead I did the 'meet and greet' at a little social event 
Sharon put together. Sharon has a lot of friends, I don't even try and keep 
track of them all, some come and go and I never see them again. On this 
particular night I was eyeing a spread of food in the kitchen, my eyes 
dancing over the layout in tune with the growling in my tummy. But, I'm a 
picky eater, so I was trying to discretely inspect all the finger sandwiches, 
I'm sure it was all good, various cheeses laid out and bags of snacks 
spread out all over the place. I don't drink beer, that often, so I opened a 
chilled bottle of Wine and poured myself a glass. I was actually enjoying 
myself, I was alone in the small kitchen while everyone was scattered 
throughout the townhouse. (See I told you guys, I liked to be alone :) 

Have you ever had a moment when you KNEW someone was watching 
you? Of course you have, and this is the little story of how I met 
Tasha, a pain in my ass. But she was Sharon's friend so I gave her plenty 
of maneuvering room...or I should say I gave her attitude plenty of room 
to maneuver. Although she was quite different in most respects from 
Sharon, Tasha shared one interest that Sharon considered to be a 'top 
priority'; Shopping. Tasha found Sharon's boisterous and somewhat 
outlandish personality absolutely a 'trip' to be around.  Not the best of 
friends, they still called and made the occasional effort to hang out and 
socialize as they shared similar tastes, although Sharon found it privately 
intriguing to be such good friends with a black girl (I could have hidden 
that fact, but it's true so deal with it). On a personal note, I get along with 
black men very, very well...but I rarely...RARELY have ever had a pleasant 
encounter with a black woman for some reason (I have my ideas), I get 
lots of attitude, cutting eyes and big talk. But I just hold my head up high 
and walk right on by, kill them with kindness I say, although a smack 
upside the head may work equally well. I eventually had to physically 
adjust Tasha's attitude, but more on that later...let's get back to our little 
initial meeting.

From the moment I turned around, I could tell, her look spoke volumes as 
she was sizing me up. But I was buzzing a little from the wine so I wasn't 
that tuned into this girl's agenda, that is if she had one at the moment. I 
wondered if Sharon warned her in advance that I could be a little abrasive 
with first introductions. Probably, but as I indicated, just another girl in a 
long line of black women who 'cop' an attitude with me. Now is that 
prejudice of me to say that? Maybe, but I have volumes of experience to 
back it up, so that's what I think!

Right from the word 'Go', Tasha had a bold, in your face style and attitude. 
It was as if she wanted to go out of her way to meet me tonight, one-on-
one and size me up. You see, I suspect Tasha had been getting a big dose of the 
way Sharon would talk-me-up around her friends, bragging about me as if I was 
some idol, all very nauseating stuff, but Sharon love's to brag about anything 
and everything she owns or the people she knows. So by now, I'm sure this girl 
if fit to be tied, sick of hearing about 'Corbin is so great...so athletic...so 
strong...blah blah blah...'
 
So I guess, I am not surprised that when we shook hands for the first time 
I picked on a slight sneer of contempt forming over her lips, probably not but 
it sounds dramatic! 

"You must be Corbin?" was a nice of enough question, you would think. 
Well, I though thought it was, but with that question you have to add in her 
expression and darting eyes, doing a quick 'sizing up', so suddenly it gets a 
bit tainted with attitude. But you have to understand, sometimes we 
women have to struggle with the external expectations to make pleasant 
conversation that conflicts with an internal bitchy competitiveness, one that 
I could see brewing behind Tasha's expression.

My response, based on the above analysis, went from enthusiastic to down 
right curt, also you have to understand I just had my moment of privacy 
interrupted. So, as I quickly tried to chew and swallow, taking a small sip 
of wine, I just smiled and nodded 'Yes', that was it.

"I'm Tasha" And the girl offered her hand, great she wants to shake hands, 
so then I had to relinquish my glass to a nearby counter. However, giving 
this girl her due credit, I will say that she was very attractive. Tasha wears 
her hair straight with bangs tapering down around her forehead almost 
invading her cheeks.  Her eyes were big, dark and wide, the look was 
piercing. Her other features were very feminine with high cheekbones and 
surprisingly pert nose. Her lips were full with little to no makeup on. 
Nevertheless, she was a pretty girl in the face, with slender shoulders, but 
a very tone, lean figure making her appear thinner then she was. 

And I've rambled enough........finger cramps....ahhhh.......wish they were 
the only kind I got....hahahah.....aghem....




  
30_My_Story