College 15
By Corbin
How life tests the endurance, patience, and sometimes faith of one young woman.

**********

Today I was sitting in the weight room when to my left this girl walks up 
and picks up a pair of 5 pound dumbbells (please don't strain yourself, really 
now). So the girl begins to raise her arms up to her side and then back 
down, then back up, but this time in front. She does this about fifteen 
times, sets the weights down and walks off. Uhmmmm, WHAT THE FUCK 
WAS THAT ALL ABOUT? You call that a workout? You must be kidding! I 
see that happen all the time, just pathetic. 
 
**********

Nikki slowly sat up and moved her hands down my back, all the while 
Sharon stood there in disbelief at what she must be seeing. Nikki was relishing 
in the moment and leaned back, her perfect breasts sticking out from her 
chest as she remained straddling my thighs.
 
"Sharon!" I propped myself up on my elbows, blinking the haze from my 
eyes, 'Holy Shit!' I was on the verge of flipping out! Reality crashing into our 
private moment! Our secrets will be out! 

Okay, just deal with first things first, "What are you doing here?" I blasted at 
Sharon next.

"We're still roommates...REMEMBER!" Sharon growled with hostility.
 
"Okay...okay...but CLOSE the DAMN DOOR!" I snapped as I hunched my 
back to cover my chest, but no one could see anything anyway, I was just 
being paranoid.
 
"Oh...sorry..." Sharon spun around and shut the door.
 
"I'm giving Corbin a massage." Nikki proudly waved her left hand over my 
back as I buried my face into the pillow, feeling embarrassed as if I was 
caught red handed doing something bad.
 
"No shit, I can see that, why is your shirt off?" Sharon sneered with 
suspicion and even contempt, most of all with hostility. I glanced over my 
shoulder again, Nikki never stopped staring-down Sharon as she sat atop me and 
the two girls continued their intense glaring until I cleared my throat. Nikki's 
left hand slowly roamed over my flexing back muscles, almost possessively, 
knowing it would taunt Sharon mercilessly before she slowly dismounted from my 
legs. Again, slowly, I picked up my shirt from the floor and began to slip it 
on, standing about five feet from Sharon. My two friends glared at one another 
silently as Nikki picked up her tee shirt and pulled it on, Nik seemed proud, 
standing their with the faintest trace of a smile. In return, a cruel sneer 
formed on Sharon's lips as she flipped on that condescending diva look she had 
become well known for.
 
"Thanks Nik." I mumbled as turned to give Nik a firm hug, letting Sharon know 
that Nikki was a dear friend and I wanted her to be nice.

"What's going on Sharon?" I asked and turned toward her, 'This is bad' I 
immediately noticed the way my two friends continued to stare one another down.
 
"Hello?...Earth to Sharon!" I snapped and waved my hand out.
 
"I just came by to see you." and Sharon leaned over and hugged me, taking me by 
surprise, but it felt good.
 
"We need to talk." She said as she pulled away and putting on her best pouting 
expression, gripping both of my hands, trying to get all of my attention away 
from Nikki.
 
"About?" I looked up warily.
 
"About something in private." She raised an eyebrow and gave a quick nod 
in Nikki's direction.
 
"Well..." I stuttered and looked at Nikki and then at Sharon, "...maybe 
something quick..." I kind of panicked.
 
"It's okay Corbin, I need to run home and change properly." She smiled 
and her left hand came up and gripped my right shoulder. Sharon made a 
point of studying our exchange carefully. My anxiety was off the chart, and some 
how kept rising! 'I think I need some heart or blood pressure medication!' I was 
still trying to act totally casual, but after everything that Nikki and I just 
did...what the fuck is casual now!!!

'Okay, hold on, at least Sharon didn't walk in when we were kissing! Yeah, yeah 
look on the bright side!' my subconscious said.
 
"Wait a second..." I followed Nikki out into the hallway, "...be right back..." 
I looked back over my shoulder at Sharon who was standing there tapping 
her foot impatiently. "Nikki..." I whispered and Nikki spun around with a 
faint smile, "...call me okay." and reached to hug my friend. Nikki leaned in 
and pressed her lips against my cheek, "I'll call you." she reassured.
 
"What's wrong?" I asked as I watched Nikki turn away.
 
"I'm sorry Corbin, but Sharon doesn't like me." Nikki shrugged and paused 
in the hallway while taking a step back.
 
"Phuuullleeeaseeee" I whispered and leaned forward with a look of 
desperation, "Just try...I'll talk to Sharon...she isn't so..." I tried to 
plead.
 
"Corbin." Nikki just shook her head in despair, "It won't do any good." and 
turned away to walk down the hall.
 
"What the fuck?" I moaned running my hands thru my hair, totally freaked 
out at what just happened, but bolted back to my room upon hearing my 
cell phone ring. Sharon was already there, snatching it off the nightstand 
as if it was hers; "Hello? Oh HEY Dale!" Sharon cooed into the phone and winked 
at me while playfully twirling her long brown locks, "You are looking for 
Corbin?...I don't know...she's busy I think, but I can talk..." Sharon smiled 
mischievously, she's such a damn flirt!
 
OH MY GOD! DALE IS CALLING NOW! I need to check into a loony bin! What's next, 
my parents come walking thru the door!

"Give me that!" I snapped and yanked the phone from Sharon's hands as Sharon 
just laughed at my reaction, truth was, Sharon loved pushing my buttons, hell we 
loved pushing each others buttons.
 
"Sorry about that...Sharon's just being a pain..." I sighed into the phone as 
I glared at my friend. Sharon just slowly sauntered away, swaying her 
slender hips back and forth in a teasing manner while giving me a wink, 
her short floral skirt adding an exaggerated sway to her cocky walk.
 
"I know...I'm sorry...I was going to call you back...I know...uhm...I 
just...homework and soccer..." I paced back and forth, "no...not 24hrs a 
day I don't study!"
 
Sharon sat down and propped her legs up on my desk, her knee length 
skirt riding up her tan thighs, something Sharon was always proud of was 
her legs...long, toned and tan.
 
"Two days? It's been two days since I've called you? No! I don't 
remember...maybe your right...tonight? Shit Dale..." I paced a little quicker 
now as Dale grilled me with questions about my lack of involvement in our 
relationship over the past week, in particular how I had never returned any of 
his calls over the past two days. It freaked me out to think I was so badly 
neglecting my boyfriend; "Okay...okay..." I slumped my shoulders forward, 
"...miss you too." I sighed and slowly closed the display on my cell phone 
before tossing the object aside where it proceeded to bounce a couple of times 
on top of my bed.
 
"Trouble in paradise?" Sharon smirked and cocked an eyebrow.
 
"What Sharon?" I stopped and placed my right hand upon my hip in irritation at 
Sharon's sarcastic attitude. Sharon lowered her eyes and seemed a bit 
embarrassed at mocking my pain.
 
"He's coming over in a few minutes...AND get your feet off my desk please!" I 
sighed.
 
"Sorry" Sharon removed her feet and brushed some of the wrinkles from 
her skirt.
 
"I can't believe I forgot to call him back yesterday...and the day 
before...shit..." my left hand flew up and massaged my neck muscles. "What did 
you want to talk about?" I paused and then glanced over at Sharon, suddenly 
remembering my friend's urgent need to speak in secrecy.
 
"Oh, I just wanted to catch up a little." Sharon stood and made her 'poor 
me' expression sticking out her lower lip.
 
"You had me ask Nikki to leave because you wanted to chit-chat Sharon!" I 
snapped in disbelief as my right hand went flying, pointing towards the 
door, "That's what this is all this is about?" 
 
"Why are you so angry? You seem really agitated!" Sharon continued pouting, (If 
you only knew!) "Can't I have a moment alone with my best friend." Sharon walked 
up and gave me another hug, patting me on the back. I just stood there like a 
statue, rolling my eyes. Yet, hearing Sharon say 'best friend' caused a pain to 
shoot thru my psyche as I swallowed hard. "I don't mean to snap at you, 
it's just...I'm pretty stressed..."

Sharon backed away and rubbed my shoulders before completely pulling away, 
"Relax, just relax okay?" Sharon gave a sincere smile. "But Corbin, I don't mean 
to pry, but that looked really...look...I'll get right to the point, what the 
hell was THAT all about!" Sharon stepped back and pointed to bed. "You and Nikki 
didn't have your tops on and she sitting on your back...."
 
"Giving me a massage Sharon!...Jesus...what the hell is wrong with you?" I 
felt my blood pressure shoot up and started to pace back and forth, 
"Nothing more to it." waiving my left hand as I turned away.
 
"Hey, why are you getting so defensive and upset, it was just an 
observation." Sharon folded her arms across her chest, casually tilting her 
head off to the left, that long brown hair falling down around her shoulders. 

I abruptly stopped pacing in small circles and squared my shoulders up 
with Sharon, "Why am I so defensive? Because I see the look you give Nik 
Sharon, could you make an effort to be nicer to Nikki, you never have two 
words to say to her."
 
"Oh...ME! It's me with the problem?" Sharon leaned back in shock as if she 
had been insulted, "Maybe Nikki's the one manipulating your time! Did you 
ever consider that?" Sharon shook her head with a slight 'no'.
 
"Stop trying to twist things around!" I fumed.
 
"Great, now I'm twisting things around," Sharon threw her hands in the air 
and walked around to my left, "Would you like a list of what I see going 
on?" Sharon stopped and leaned close into my left cheek.
 
"Yeah, this ought to be good...I want to hear your list!" I smirked and 
looked to my left.
 
"One, I see you spending more time with Nikki and less time with 
Dale...evident in the phone conversation just a minute ago. Two, I see you 
spending more time with Nikki and less time with me..." Sharon continued.
 
"Wait right there Ms. Social-Sorority-Queen..." I made a pained expression.
 
"Do I get to finish? Or am I going to get interrupted! And I have tried...true 
not as much as I should, but I have been looking you up, but the last 
couple times you were heading out with Nikki...or doing this with Nikki...or 
'Nikki and I have plans already Sharon!'" Sharon quickly lowered her 
voice, "I've also noticed that your life is in more turmoil now, more then 
ever...maybe it's not all Nikki's fault, but she is more experienced then you 
AND me when it comes manipulation."
 
"Bullshit Sharon, I've seen you in action..." I shot back.
 
"Simple, stupid social stuff...that's all I do...but Nikki is devious 
Corbin...and don't roll your eyes at me I hate that," Sharon reached up with her 
right hand, gently rubbing my left shoulder. "When Nikki left out of here just 
now, she cruised on out into the hall way and said how 'I don't like her' and 
then simply walked away, didn't she? Oh yeah, I heard what she said, nice 
of her to plant those seeds of doubt in your head wasn't it?"
 
"You're reading way too much into this Sharon, and your placing unfair blame on 
Nikki! " I glared, but Sharon just kept looking at me with those wounded blue 
eyes.
 
"She wants you Corbin..." Sharon swallowed hard at saying that, her face went 
stone-cold-serious, and I thought I was about to have a heart attack!
 
"What?" I stiffened and leaned back, almost totally pulling away from Sharon's 
touch. Oh god, here it comes! MUST...PLAY......DUMB!!! 
 
"Okay, maybe I am wrong," Sharon's voice became soft as she lowered her head 
some, putting on her best act of self doubt and concern for me, "but you've had 
girl's flirt with you before Corbin, and I believe Nikki is seriously interested 
in you...more then friends...and it's messing with your head, that's all just my 
opinion and I'm sorry if it hurts you." Sharon reached in and hugged me, pulling 
my in tight. "Jesus you're a fucking rock." Sharon rested her head on my left 
shoulder giving my broad shoulders a firm squeeze.
 
"I just wish you two got along, you don't even know her that well, besides she 
has a serious boyfriend." I sighed and hugged Sharon back. I involuntarily 
smiled, was Sharon really making an effort now? It meant so much to me that 
Sharon was here, I felt complete and oddly happy around Sharon even when we are 
at odds with one another. Sharon also radiated feminine confidence that I wished 
I had more of, the brunette always looked like she had just stepped out of a 
beauty salon; Hair always perfect, makeup perfect, her clothing always in style 
but never too trendy. Those same compliments go for Nikki, but Nik had a more 
sophisticated quality to her and she didn't wear much makeup at all, she didn't 
need to, kind of like me. 
 
"Maybe, I don't know, but I know that I have felt a wedge coming between 
us..." Sharon started in again.
 
"You've helped drive that wedge between us." I quickly interjected and 
pulled my head away, I wasn't going to let Sharon totally off the hook. 

"ME?" Sharon gasped and leaned back in shock, "I've done no such thing! 
Maybe a little," Sharon slipped that in, "But I am trying Corbin...I know I've 
been busy...but you sure make time for dear Nikki." Sharon made a 
disgusted face when she mentioned Nikki's name which she instantly 
regretted upon seeing my jaw muscles clench. Yet again an interruption 
came with a sharp knock at the door, causing me to almost explode at 
another interruption, but I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before 
turning around..."Who is it?" I abruptly asked.
 
"Dale."
 
I rolled my eyes and pulled the door open, waiving my left hand for him to 
enter, "Come on in" feeling like a traffic cop directing people in and out.
 
"Hey Sharon...is this..." Dale froze sensing the air of tension, "...a bad 
time?" looking at me.
 
"No"..."Yes"..."No"... The answers came and changed and came again from 
both of us so that Dale didn't know who was agreeing or disagreeing or 
changing their mind.
 
"We were talking about what a great influence Nikki has been on Corbin, 
weren't we?" Sharon smirked and licked her bottom lip, watching as I 
sweat it out, she knew I hated it when conflicts got out in the open.
 
"Sharon why would you say that to Dale! Nikki is my friend and now you're 
the one stirring up trouble!" I turned and reached for the door knob, 
Sharon knew that was an impending sign to leave, but she had one last 
comment up her sleeve.
 
"Well, I guess I have to go now even though this is still partly my dorm 
room, in any case always nice to see you again Dale," Sharon forced a 
smile and gave him a lingering hug, patting him on his left shoulder before she 
walked out, not able to restrain her natural flirting. "Oh..." Sharon paused 
right before slipping thru the doorway, "...I know you two have some catching up 
to do and I know Dale you've been upset over time away from Corbin, but 
apparently she found time for dear ol' Nikki today."
 
"What's your problem Sharon!" I was pissed now and my eyes narrowed with 
resentment.
 
"What is she talking about?" Dale looked on baffled.
 
"Ask about how Corbin spent all day with Nikki!" Sharon cocked a knowing 
eyebrow at Dale.
 
"Good bye Sharon!" I snapped and slammed the door shut in her face. 

"What was that all about?" Dale asked, looking back at the door I had just 
shut.
 
"Nothing, typical girl stuff." I shook my head and walked over to my desk 
to sit back down. Dale looked around for a second and then cautiously sat 
down on my bed, watching...studying me and my mood.
 
"But is she right? I mean..." Dale pinched his eyebrows together with 
concern.
 
"Look," I leaned forward and massaged my temples, "It's not as bad as 
Sharon makes it out to be, Sharon is a dramatist you know that!" I sat up, 
only to slump back into the chair looking exhausted. Dale looked down at 
the ground and appeared to fade off for a second in thought, which wasn't 
like him, "What's wrong, come on tell me" I leaned forward with genuine 
concern, but I caught site of the fact I had missed a couple of buttons on my 
shirt and quickly fixed that, I made a mental note of how suddenly I was being 
so reserved and conservative with my boyfriend while a half hour ago Nikki and I 
were passionately all over one another. Just great, more confusing issues to 
work out!
 
"Well, if it's not as bad as Sharon makes it out to be then why are you 
slamming the door in her face and choosing to spend more time with Nikki 
then me? I mean if something is going on, just tell me." Dale blurted it all out 
in one breath.
 
I snapped too and tried to refocus on what he had just said, but I was on the 
edge of blowing up...yet again, why? I managed to calm myself and relax as my 
left elbow propped up on the desk so my weary head could rest into the palm of 
my hand. Closing my eyes brought some relief as I tried to regain my composure, 
'How did everything get so fucked up' I thought, considering the stress from 
everything;
-Friendship with Sharon going down the tubes.
-Nikki's friendship getting so intense.
-Mora looking to pick a fight every chance she got.
-Trying to maintain an 'A' grade average.
-And now my boyfriend is sitting here grilling my AND wanting to get more 
physically intimate.
 
"I'm not very good at multi-tasking sometimes I guess." I sighed and 
opened my left eye, then my right. But I did start to wonder, would things 
improve if I spent less time with Nikki? It did make some sense...that would 
mean more time for Dale and Sharon and almost totally eliminate the 
physical issues that seems to weave their way into my relationship with 
Nikki every time we are together. Wow, where did that flip-flop suddenly come 
from? One minute of the day I am totally lost in Nikki's arms, the next I am 
contemplating spending more time with Dale? Talk about going from cold to hot, 
hot to cold...what-the-hell-ever! No wonder you guys don't understand women.
 
"That's okay, I understand." Dale sighed and slid his sandals back and 
forth across the floor.
 
"No, it's not okay, I've been a crappy girlfriend lately and I've missed you." 
I suddenly stood up and walked over to where he sat, it felt good to take 
the initiative like this.
 
"I've missed you too." Dale sighed quietly and looked up, a giant grin 
forming on his face and suddenly all of his anxieties melted away from his 
face as he continued looking up. There was no denying that he was totally 
head-over-heels for me, he stood up and we were now face to face, well 
almost as he was a bit taller then me. I felt his arms wrap around my waist 
and pull me in tight, "Let's go for a walk." Dale asked with a hopeful smile.

"Yeah, sounds nice." I sighed and hugged him tight.
 
*********

The overcast sky helped cool things off, and I was thankful we found some 
privacy as we headed in the direction of Duke Chapel; there were plentiful areas 
of wooded seclusion for us to talk without interruption. I tried to ease all of 
his worries by stroking his forearm, but there was no mistaking the fact that I 
was somewhere else, although he wouldn't have to wait long to find out why. 
 
"Dale look, we've been getting more and more serious lately and I know 
the extent of our physical relationship has been limited to mostly kissing...and 
I know you want more..." I sighed. To help the conversation along I pulled him 
behind some trees and kissed him on the lips, he liked that and we started to 
make out a little bit, his hands moved down and gripped my butt, he was always 
grabbing my ass every chance he got. I corrected him several times in public and 
he got the point straight away. I could tell his initial hope was that I was 
going to give him the green light on sex..., hell I'd bet he would settle for a 
blow job even. 

I broke the kissing to finish talking, "I know I should have asked this upfront, 
but I want..." I rolled my eyes and he watched the way my forearm muscles 
tensed with anxiety, especially since I was now clutching his biceps.
 
"What? You're killing me here" He leaned forward more with a nervous smile.
 
"Before we get anymore physical, I want you to go get tested." I blurted it out 
and then held my breath, waiting for something...his reaction...an 
explosion...something.
 
"Tested for what?" He looked at me with confusion.
 
"Well, for everything." I shrugged.
 
"Everything...as in WHAT?" He leaned back defensively. 
 
"As in you want me to spell it out for you?" I cringed with irritation as my 
eyes squinted. Once again, my social graces are coming out in top form :)
 
"Yes, I deserve that Corbin, are you asking me to have some STD testing? Is that 
it? Cause if it is..." Dale defensively pulled his arms away from my grip, I 
had let go in any case as I could tell this was going to go none too well.
 
"You're not going to do it?!" I looked up at him in disbelief and placed my 
hands on my hips. He looked around for privacy and then quickly back at me, 
"I've been tested so many fucking times over these past years, because of 
sports...donating blood, so I know I am clean." He said, "Jesus, I can't fucking 
believe you!" He started to get mad.
 
"Well too-boo-hoo-fucking bad!" I snapped and pointed to the ground, "You 
hound me constantly to get more intimate with you, touching, holding, kissing, 
but I've never been with anyone Dale and you have. I have to know for my own 
piece of mind." my lower lip trembled. I really wasn't so upset with Dale or the 
testing, but everything was starting to come to a head now, I was just mostly 
stress.
 
"So does this mean we are going to start having sex?" His voice lowered as 
he folded his arms across his chest, his tone authoritative as if he could 
command a 'yes' from me.
 
"Shit Dale." I huffed and turned away, pacing a few times before taking a 
deep breath, "No" I finally stopped and looked him in the eyes.
 
"Then what is the fucking point!" He shook his head in disbelief.
 
"Because I am paranoid about my health, that's why, because I have a right! 
Because I said so...take your fucking pick!" I leaned forward, I was 
actually clenching my teeth now so my words seethed out of my mouth, 
"AND there will be no more kissing or anything until I know!" I felt 
the blood rushing to my face as my heart pounded. (On a side note, I need to 
stop cursing like a sailor so much, ever since I got into College, my cursing 
has gotten out of hand.)
 
"Then you get your ass tested as well!" Dale shot back.
 
"Fine, I will!" I snapped and actually felt a little spit fly off my lower lip I 
was so enraged.
 
"Fine!" Dale waved his hand in the air as if shooing a fly before turning 
around to storm off leaving my standing there alone.
 
"Fine!" I yelled at him as he walked away and proceeded to pace in small 
circles, wiping the steady flow of sweat now pouring over my face as I 
mumbled curse words to myself. I actually felt my arms and knees shaking 
from the argument and carefully looked around as I walked behind a large 
tree for even more privacy. "Fuck" I sighed as I leaned against the tree 
wiping the tears from my eyes, only a few sobs escaped my lips as I tried 
collecting myself, but felt foolish leaning against a tree crying. Slowly I 
pushed off and kept walking in the direction of the Chapel. It was all a blur, 
I remember going inside and sitting in one of the last pews to rest, it had 
been so long since she had been and it felt good inside...nice and cool...but 
most of all so very quiet too. I leaned forward and folded my arms on the 
backrest in front of me, it would look like I was at least praying, but in fact 
I just wanted to rest and the place was mostly deserted so I didn't worry 
about being disturbed.

'How did things ever get so crazy?' I wondered as my eyelids slowly closed. This 
had to have been the longest, most emotional rollercoaster of a day I have ever 
had. My head was spinning, images of feelings of Nikki, Sharon and Dale kept 
replaying in my mind over and over, everything about today was so intense.

I pushed off from the pew in front of me and slumped back, my eyes aimlessly 
traveled  over the interior of the Church and a soothing calm started to flow 
over me. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and leaned forward to contemplate 
where things stood.

**********

"Miss?" The voice seemed as if it was in a dream.
 
"Huh?" I rolled my head across my forearm and slowly sat up, a man was 
standing to my left in the pew, gently touching me on the shoulder.
 
"You okay? You've been here a long time," He said.
 
"Uhm." My groggy eyes looked around and I slowly got to my feet, "How 
long?" my hands brushed away the blonde hair from around the front of 
my face. 
 
"I don't know, maybe a couple of hours, you're welcome to stay, it's just 
that it's getting late." He sighed with a faint smile.
 
"No I need to go, thanks." I followed him out of the aisle and gave a thanks 
before walking out. "Wow, I really did drift off." I mumbled, it was dark 
outside as I walked back across campus to my dorm. I checked my 
messages on my cell phone; One from Nikki, two from Sharon, two from 
Dale and one from Carla one of the Soccer Coaches asking me to stop by 
early before practice. I felt a lump in my throat upon hearing Carla's 
voice...I listened to the message over and over trying to discern any tone 
that might reveal something bad. I chose not to return any of the 
messages that night but simply lay down on the bed as my eyes and body 
welcomed sleep.

Things always look better in the morning, right? Well, maybe, we will see.
 
*********
  
I didn't change into my uniform before practice, but went straight to Carla's 
office, I was greeted with a smile as I entered which alleviated some of my 
anxieties; Anxieties that were soon replaced with another set of concerns 
when I found out it was Mora's position I would be expected to step into. 
There was no hiding in the shadows now I considered, my performance on 
the field would be out there for everyone to judge...especially Mora, who 
stared hateful daggers at me while we changed.

"Hi girl." Came Nikki's sweet voice as she stepped up to her locker.

"Hi yourself." I looked over and smiled, we both blushed, the previous day was 
obviously still fresh in both our minds. "Sorry I didn't call you back last 
night, Sharon and I had it out, then Dale came by and we had an argument cause 
I'm not spending much time with him lately. So..." I just shrugged and left it 
at that as I sat down to pull my socks on.

"We can talk later." Nikki said concerned, she had stopped getting dressed and 
looked down at me.

"Thanks," I sighed and looked up, "How are you doing?" I said with almost a 
whisper. When she didn't answer me right away I stood up and leaned against the 
locker, giving her my full attention. Nikki looked stressed and emotional for a 
minute, played with her shirt a little bit and then took a deep breath.

"Uhm, well, confused, you know?" Nikki finally said and I got a little teary 
eyed, but a faint smile came over my lips and I reached over with my left hand 
to softly stroke her forearm.

"I know, I feel the same way, but somehow things are going to work out okay for 
us." In response to my supportive comments and gesture Nikki's lower chin 
quivered and she was fighting back the tears. I gave her my most encouraging 
look because I was still trying to be discrete with other girls around, but 'Oh 
fuck it!' I thought and I reached over and pulled her into a hug, she hugged me 
back with equal force. I was emotionally and physically exhausted, and I felt 
Nikki was at a similar place, while I think we both wanted a break, it was also 
comforting to be here for each other.

"Break it up you two! Let's go!" Katie snapped at us as she walked by, "Your 
running late!"

We smiled at each other and Nikki gave my shoulder a firm squeeze, we both were 
treading in uncharted territory and it was shaking us both up. No matter how 
much we professed our love and commitment to one another in private, actually 
stepping out into the open and professing it for the world to see is a whole new 
emotional challenge, one that we hopefully would face together.

*********
 
'That wasn't so bad' as I stood there, hands on hips as I watched several 
team members disperse and head back to the locker room. My eyes gazed 
across the field towards the row of trees in the distance, sort of 
daydreaming. I was having a moment's peace, finally, and then *POW* Like an 
explosion inside my brain, my entire head rocked forward as my strong neck 
muscles felt like they might rip from their very base. Involuntarily my arms 
flew out as I was falling forward, "What the fuck?" I gasped as my head spun and 
an incredible ache began to fill my skull. I felt woozy and nauseous as I swayed 
back and forth on all fours trying to get my bearings and to figure out what the 
hell just happened.
 
"Oh shit Corbin, I'm so sorry!" I heard the voice say.
 
"You okay?" Nikki's voice came from across the field, now running toward me, 
several other girl's were beside me now, but what really stood out in my mind, 
was the sound of laughter. Some of them were laughing at me as I was helped 
to my feet. 
 
'No, I'm not okay' I thought to myself, I was far from okay and seeing 
Mora's smile of satisfaction made me almost loose it...loose it in the sense I 
wanted to just blubber like some baby. Damn near close to it already as I 
felt the tears run down my cheeks...I was sick and tired of being humiliated 
by this little bitch and her kicking a soccer ball upside my head was all I 
could take.
 
"Oh poor baby, you going to squirt a few tears because of a small knock 
upside the head?" Mora laughed and placed her hands on her hips, "It was 
just an accident, maybe you better go lay down." and a few of the girls 
chuckled. That was it, I snapped, it was the first time in my life that I could 
remember I was seeing red, blood red...death incarnate rising up from the 
recesses of my brain as I looked across the space separating me and that 
laughing idiot Mora.
 
"Corbin don't!" Bev yelled and came at me from my left, but my brain had 
checked out, my right hand shot out to block Bev's advance. But it was 
more than a block and I regretted that, Bev didn't deserve it, but I wasn't 
allowing anyone to stop me as I simply twisted my entire body and 
slammed the palm of my right hand into Bev's chest, right above the girl's 
breasts.

"FUCK" Bev grunted and was literally knocked back, off her feet; it looked like 
she had been hit by a truck, her back slamming into the ground leaving 
her breathless and gasping for air. "Jesus Corbin!" She whimpered and 
rolled on the ground clutching the area right below her collar bone.
 
I would not have to wait long, Mora saw me moving in and her eyes lit up 
with excitement...she charged me, her fists clenched. "I'm going to kill 
you!" Mora growled and this time no one else got in the way, the rest of 
the team simply must have figured it was time to let this play out. Enough 
was enough...
 
I saw Mora charge, amazing how the smaller girl was fearless, she so 
wanted this showdown to happen and now it was at hand. Mora practically 
leapt at me, her right fist cocking back to strike while she simply kept 
coming at me. I had no plan of attack, I just wanted to grab the girl and 
break her into a million pieces. I decided that if Mora wanted to charge in, 
so be it, but all I could think about was deflecting the attack, fortunately, 
all Mora could think about was slugging it out. It wasn't immediately clear 
who would benefit; I latched onto the front of Mora's shirt, we had closed 
the distance so quickly that Mora misjudged her swing and her right 
forearm, not fist, hit me on the left side of my head. My triceps flexed and 
kept Mora from slamming into me, but I was also simultaneously twisting 
my body to the right allowing Mora's momentum to continue. Mora's entire 
body continued moving thru the air, now beyond her own control, but Mora 
was still in fight mode and threw her left fist in a wide arching motion even 
as she was being tossed aside. I felt totally possessed and felt some 
amount of rejoicing as I flung Mora thru the air; the combination of Mora's 
charge and me tapping into my strength made for a devastating effect. Yet 
Mora's left hook found contact on my right cheek, it was a glancing wild 
blow, but still cocked my head to the left briefly, it would definitely leave a 
bruise.
 
Mora was literally flying thru the air now and then everything was moving 
fast...faster then Mora could react as she impacted the ground. Her injured 
shoulder, her left shoulder, took most of the impact and Mora screamed in 
agony as it exploded in pain upon impact. My own right hand was touching 
my cheek as I watched Mora stagger to her feet, her left arm hanging 
down to her side, looking painful but still useful as her fist was tightly 
clenched. If Mora was in agony, she was fighting thru it, just to fight me as 
we started to circle one another, sweat dripping off our shaking bodies. But 
Mora didn't wait for me to get my fists up and swung her right fist, her 
target was my 'kisser'. I jerked my head back, blonde hair flying in all 
directions as the punch sailed past my face, my eyes darted around and 
found that the entire right side of Mora's body lay open, 'Jesus' I thought to 
myself as if I pictured the end result of what was going to happen next. The 
punch, the effect...the after-effect all played out in my mind. Sharon's dad 
was a boxer and had held a few impromptu sessions to teach us a few 
tricks of the trade; but the only thing I could think of right now was 'Punch 
thru your target'. I bent my knees a little and brought back my right elbow, 
and in what could only be described as one-fluid-motion my entire body 
shot up and forward as my right fist exploded towards Mora's midsection. 
Every muscle seemed to work in unison, driving forward with one goal in 
mind. I felt the uniform connect with my knuckles and then give and while 
Mora's body was fit and toned, it didn't seem to make any difference. I 
initially wondered if I had hit the girl at all, and that's when I realized that 
not only had I plowed deep into Mora's gut, I had actually lifted the girl off 
her feet. It was only when I pulled my fist back did the dark haired girl 
simply slump to the ground; the sound of her breathing was dangerously 
short, coming in sharp wheezes that soon turned into agonizing dry heaves 
as Mora's body curled up into a fetal position. It seemed as if she was 
trying to almost vomit but nothing was coming out.
 
Nikki charged in and grabbed my shoulders pushing me back a couple of 
steps, "Stop now!"
 
"Out of my fucking WAY!" I screamed and grabbed Nikki under her armpits 
and I practically lifted and pushed her aside. Nikki's left leg skidded across 
the grass as she fought to keep her balance, but ended up dropping to her 
knees and then all fours.
 
Out of the corner of my right eye Crissy was advancing to also block me 
from heading towards the downed Mora, but I spun around unleashed my 
venom on the advancing girl, "You can join your fucking buddy bitch!" I 
snapped, Crissy's right arm was reaching out and my left hand latched 
onto the girl's forearm, while my right hand found and clamped around 
Crissy's throat for leverage; "Corbin no!" She screamed but I was already 
using all my strength and weight to sling the poor girl in a semi circle 
before letting go, like a shot-put. Her body crashed to the ground flopping 
over repeatedly in a roll that had arms and legs flailing, kicking up a billow 
of dirt. I now wasted no more time and leapt towards Mora, grabbing her 
by the back of my head and shirt, "Get up...you want to fight, well get your 
sorry ass up cause today is your lucky day." I seethed and pulled her up, 
ignoring her screams and gasps for air as she clutched her gut. "You thought 
that shit was funny, didn't you? Well let me tell you...you're fucking dead!" I 
spewed my venom at Mora and propped the girl up by her throat, cocking my left 
fist back. 

Thankfully, everyone was there; Nikki...Katie...the remaining members of 
the team, maybe nine or ten, had all jumped in to restrain me, but my 
right leg managed to kick free and slam into Mora's hip with tremendous 
force, knocking the girl back to the ground. 
 
"You even look at me wrong! I am going to make this beating seem like a 
friendly chit-chat!"
 
"Get the fuck off me!" I yelled and yanked my left fist, my arm popped 
free and flew around, accidentally plowing into one girl's face, knocking the 
poor unsuspecting down and wailing in agony from the punch. My feet 
kicked and body twisted as I actually seemed to be fighting my way free; 
Yet amongst the chaos, confusion and rage, I heard Nikki's voice in my left 
ear...it was soothing, soft...and she wasn't fighting, no, she was merely 
holding me more like hugging in a friendly embrace.
 
"Corbin please stop." Nikki kept repeating, it was the way she was also softly 
crying as she pleaded with me to calm down, that brought me back down. She kept 
holding me, caressing me until my anger began to subside, I spotted one of the 
Assistant Coaches running across the field and with it a healthy dose of reality 
came with her.
 
"Corbin, come with me now!" The coach said and pulled me free of the 
throng of girls. I suddenly slumped and rested my head against the 
Coach's left shoulder and began to sob, I didn't know why, but one instant 
I was filled with total, uncontrollable rage and the next...sadness. 

I looked back over my shoulder for Nik, she was there, trailing behind us with 
tears streaming down her dirt covered cheeks, she had this look of terrible 
worry. She wanted to follow, I understood now, as the distance between us grew 
that she only cared about me, no one but me, she wanted to make sure I was ok. 
Reluctantly she began to turn back to see if anyone else needed help.
 
Sitting, I held the ice pack against my right cheek as I leaned forward, 
wiping the tears from my eyes, the Head coach and two assistants were 
now with me in his office.
 
"Corbin, your suspended...well, not officially...just until we can get things 
settled down, both you and Mora. And then we'll meet again separately and 
then with the two of you together once we've decided what to do. It's really 
going to come down to a team decision." he sighed.
 
"I understand," I gasped and sat up straight as I choked back my 
emotions, "but, but in my defense...I just want to say that I was 
setup...when Coach Overbeck put me in Mora's position she knew there 
was bound to be a blow up because of my past with her." I glanced up at 
the coach I was referring to. Coach Overbeck looked down at me, into my 
bloodshot eyes and nodded her head in recognition of what I was driving 
at. 
 
"That will all be taken into consideration." The head coach piped up, "Now 
get checked out and cleaned up, and then ask that Mora also come in."
 
I slowly stood up and took several deep breaths as my hand rested on the 
door knob, slowly I opened the door and looked over my shoulder at the 
Coaches, "I'm truly sorry." I sighed and walked out. 
 
"Crissy..." I walked up behind the girl as she was getting dressed to try and 
make amends.
 
"Forget about it." Crissy mumbled.
 
"Look, I'm..."
 
"I said drop it!" Crissy snapped and glared at me, but quickly looked away. 
I felt my heart pound with regret and took a step back, I just wanted to get 
the hell out and get back to my dorm room to rest. Only a few girls, of 
course Nikki, hung around and tried to reassure me that I had no other 
choice but to stand up for herself. But the worse feeling of it all was how so 
many of my team members were looking and acting different around me, 
'Maybe they just want to give me some space? Or they never liked me to 
begin with.'
 
"Thanks for the ride Nik" I sighed, "I think I'm just going to spend some 
time alone tonight and rest." But could tell Nikki didn't want to 
leave me, she leaned in to give me a hug.

"It's going to be okay." she sighed into my ear.
 
"I hope so." I whimpered and felt myself starting to unravel again. "Actually 
could you come up for a few minutes." I cried into her neck.

Nothing needed to be said, Nikki was unbuckling and followed me up as I somberly 
trudged up the stairs. I turned off my cell and Nikki sat on my bed, I walked 
over and laid down resting my head in her lap and let myself cry for a few 
minutes. She gently cradled my head and stroked my cheek and hair, I was so 
thankful to have Nikki and my hands rubbed on her knees as I would inhale the 
subtle fragrance off her body. She started to hum some tune that I didn't 
recognize as her fingers washed over my head, arms and face. I wasn't crying 
anymore and turned my head to look up, she was already looking down at me.

"I love you Nik." I sighed.

"I love you too." She said and smiled.

The oddest feeling started to come over me, I felt liberated...dangerous...and 
oddly satisfying to look back on what happened. I had lived so much of my life 
trying to 'play it safe and not cause waves', but now people knew where I stood 
and like me...love me...or hate me, people were starting to know exactly how 
far they could push before I pushed back. It some way it was like I was 
defining who I was, 'I'm sorry people got hurt, but I'm glad I did it and I'm 
not going to feel sorry or punish myself over it'.

**********
 
I didn't see Mora till the next day and instantly there were many regrets; 
She was limping and her left arm was in a sling, her face had a couple of 
bad bruises although I don't remember hitting her in the face...then again, 
so many things happened in such a short period of time it's hard to recount 
everything in detail.
 
I had a small bruise on my cheek, but it was barely noticeable, once again 
I somehow managed to come thru practically unscathed. It seemed to only pile on 
the resentment, more girls' their boyfriends even, seemed anxious for me to 
take a major spill. As if I was the one with a chip on my shoulder, are they 
kidding? What fucking chip?! 

If there was a chip on my shoulder, I didn't put it there, THEY DID! There I go 
'blaming again' as Sharon would say. Yeah, Sharon you one to talk, Queen 
'blamer'.
 
Anyway, I don't know if that little fight on the soccer field set Mora straight, 
but I was never going to let her blind side me again and took the initiative, 
regardless of how bad she was feeling. I could have confronted her in front 
of her friend's right in the student commons, but chose a more private 
moment to lay it on the line. I knew she could have run back and ratted on 
me that I threatened her, but I was thinking less and less clearly during 
that year of my life. Basically, I cornered her and asked if we had any 
more problems between us, cause if we did we were going to "get-it-on" 
right there in the parking lot. Shit, I can remember that moment like it just 
happened yesterday, it was so fucking hot and humid that day, and the 
heat coming up off the blacktop was almost unbearable. Okay, as I was 
saying, when I saw her I quickly crossed the lot, but I already knew the 
answer, it was in her eyes, it wasn't even the same Mora looking at 
me and why does that bother me, even sadden me now. It was like I beat the 
spirit out of her or something. But she started it you know? So anyway, she had 
this fear in her eyes I had never noticed and seemed to almost tear up 
when I dropped my back pack and suggested we slug it out in the parking lot if 
there were any more issues to resolve.
 
What the fuck was wrong with me? Telling some girl in the middle of a campus 
parking lot that I was going to start reigning down punches if she crossed me 
again. 




  
15_College