High School 03
By Corbin
How life tests the endurance, patience, and sometimes faith of one young woman.

*********

Growing up it all seems so one-sided
Opinions all provided
The future pre-decided
Detached and subdivided
In the mass production zone
Nowhere is the dreamer or the misfit so alone

Subdivisions

In the high school halls
In the shopping malls
Conform or be cast out

Subdivisions

In the basement bars
In the backs of cars
Be cool or be cast out
Any escape might help to smooth the unattractive truth
But the suburbs have no charms to soothe the restless dreams of youth

-	RUSH

********

I think I was destined to do physical labor from the moment I learned to walk, 
my parents engaged in a constant struggle over this issue.
 
It all started when I would try to help my dad push the lawnmower around the 
yard when only a toddler, pretty soon that would come back to haunt me. At about 
the age of eleven I was out pushing that crappy lawn mower around the freaking 
yard. I swear every rusty wheel fought me every inch of the way, I cursed the 
grass...that stinky lawnmower, but it was good therapy as I felt like I was 
exercising every personal demon I had as I chopped/hacked/butchered those little 
blades of grass. I think I even got an evil grin on my face as I watched those 
little blades of grass fly out the side of that joke of a lawnmower.
 
One time I set the blade so low that it damn near got cut down to the dirt...you 
should have seen my dad running out of the house, yelling, boy was he pissed! I 
just shrugged and waived my arms out to my side playing dumb;
'What?' I would say innocently.
'You know what!' he snapped.
But no matter, that grass kept growing.
 
This was also about the time when guys started to notice me...you see I was 
taller then most of my friends so older guys in the neighborhood driving by 
would stop to talk to me while mowing. That is until I told them my age...and if 
that wasn't a deterrent, well my Dad would step out onto the front porch. Not 
to mention that it freaked me out a little...I'm used to the boy down the 
street wheeling up on his bicycle....not some guy pulling up in a car, who is a 
whole school ahead of me!
 
(And do you guys get jealous...and I'm not even your girlfriend! As soon as one 
guy would leave, the next would be like 'Who was that? Who was that? What did 
he want?'..........He wanted to help me cut the grass...Duh!!! What do you 
think?)
 
Rolling-up while I'm cutting the grass annoys the heck out of me, why? Because 
'I'M CUTTING THE GRASS!!! I'M BUSY!!!'
I smell like grass, gasoline and I'm all sweaty and yucky. But they would just 
pull their car up to the curb and get out;

"Hey Corbin, what's up? Haven't talked to you in a long time!" There eyes all 
big and gawking.
 
'What's up? I'll tell you what's up, I'M CUTTING THE GRASS MORON!' Is what I 
would think while I just smiled to there chit-chat about their car...going to 
the movies or whatever. The other problem is that if I stopped that piece of 
junk lawnmower, it took like fifteen pulls to get it going again. My dad just 
smiled at me while I mumbled my complaints. He would just tell me to 'figure it 
out', so I did and had him take me to the store to get a new spark plug, filter 
and I figured out how to do it all by myself, even if it took me most of the 
afternoon. Sitting out there in the hot sun...frying my brain, sweating, burning 
my fingertips on that stupid sparkplug. My mother was infuriated, grabbing my 
hands and telling my Dad to "LOOK" at what cutting the grass is doing to my 
fingernails. She would spend half the night undoing the damage cutting the grass 
was doing to my hands.
 
But I was like clock work, every Saturday morning you would find me cutting the 
grass and the guys figured that out really quick. I never was able to finish 
cutting that yard from start to finish without someone pulling up to chat. And 
then, well...obviously the wrong guy stopped by one day because the following 
weekend a car wheels up and some girl I had only seen casually from school comes 
storming up my front yard yelling at me. (You ditz brain, I can't hear you 
because):
A: Your way down by the street, and
B: The muffler on this shitty lawnmower is rusted out.
 
So I turn it off and stand there while she chews me out to the effect of:
"Don't you talk to Billy ever again bitch or I'll knock your block off!" It was 
pretty damn close to that as she was getting closer to me...invading my personal 
space, but before I could answer she snaps: "You understand me!" And jabs her 
finger right up close to my nose. (Can't I just cut the grass in peace?)
 
"Uhm, Okay" I say. That was my first, but not last threat to stay away from 
some girl's guy. But I'm just cutting the grass! They are stopping by MY 
house, coming onto MY yard and talking to ME! Gheesh...then I would have to 
listen to some crap about some girl threatening to beat my ass because the guy 
she likes is talking to ME.
 
But after I beat the snot out of some girl in the gym one day...no girl ever 
threatened me again. (Oh, that little story is coming up.)

**********
 
Later that evening as I was shutting down my computer, I found myself just 
staring at the monitor, slowly I opened my desk drawer for probably the tenth 
time that night. From the drawer, I withdrew the crumpled up piece of paper that 
Sharon had given me, my hands lowering to my lap as I replayed everything that 
happened earlier in the day. 'This is ridiculous'.

I looked down at Sharon's phone number, yet again, as I simply shook 
my head, "Girl, you are trouble I don't need." Yet I swiveled in my chair to 
stare at the phone on my bedside table.
 
Shutting off the desk lamp I turned and slowly crawled onto my bed and stretched 
out over my covers pulling the phone in close. I knew that making this phone 
call would be crossing every major social 'no-no' there was in the 
unwritten rulebook of our School. It felt dangerous and that excited me, 
beckoning me to choose the lesser-traveled path, 'Like crossing a phantom 
picket line and going over to the other side' I thought with a smile, looking 
over I was surprised to find my hand now resting on the receiver, and still I 
stared, and stared...
 
...and then I was calling the number...holding my breath as I heard her click 
over...
 
"Hello?" Sharon said in what sounded like a somewhat impatient tone, I almost 
hung up, she sounded pissed and I hadn't even spoken yet!
 
"Hey Sharon, it's me, uhm, Corbin?" I sounded pathetic, I wasn't even sure 
of my own name. It took a second for Sharon to respond and I wondered if she had 
forgotten who I was, oh well, I tried.
 
"Hey! How...how...how are you?" She suddenly blurted out...her entire tone 
changing, 'Whew' the relief I felt was incredible.
 
"You sound in a good mood." I smiled to myself, glad that I didn't wake her up. 
"Sorry for calling....."
 
"Can you hold on a sec? I have to get off the other line!" Sharon clicked over 
before I could even respond, gheesh, what a spaz this girl is!!
 
"Ok, sorry." I heard her say.
 
"That's ok, anyway, sorry for calling so late." I rolled onto my back and 
twirled the phone cord in my fingers.
 
"No it's fine, just up chatting and stuff, you know. So what's up?"
 
"Oh, just working on a paper for tomorrow, last minute thing, but I got it 
finished. And I wanted to call...and..." Oh no, my mind is drawing a blank...I 
suck at chit chat...this will never work. I am now starting to panic...I am 
totally out of Sharon's class...

"It's okay Corbin...I know, things at school make it, well kind of tough." 
Sharon said. She was so sweet to me on the phone and seemed to totally 
understand what I was trying to say.
 
"Yeah, real tough." I sighed again, "I never realized how hard it would be 
until you actually try, you know."
 
"I wouldn't have given you my phone number if I didn't mean it. And besides, 
we don't bite and were not stupid!" Sharon just laughed, "No matter what those 
assholes say. Sorry, I know some of those assholes are your friends."
 
"No, it's okay Sharon, some of them are real jerks. And I know...?" but suddenly 
bit my tongue.
 
"What? Tell me."
 
"I know you're not stupid." I said sincerely, and I don't know how...but I 
could just tell she was smiling on the other end of the line. Neither of us 
spoke of what happened in the locker room earlier that day, our conversation was 
going too well and everything felt too 'normal' at the moment. In reality, I 
did most of the listening, but I didn't mind, Sharon made me laugh with all her 
bitchy gossip and it was easy to get caught up in the energy Sharon radiated. Or 
maybe I should say spastic energy?
 
**********
 
The next day would prove to be anything but easy, as I glanced over and caught 
site of Sharon walking by, my heart just about leapt out of my chest as my hand 
came up with a wave, but my look conveyed hesitation and my wave was barely one 
of acknowledgment. I could feel my friends watching me, judging my every move, 
it was a sickening feeling to do that to Sharon as I watched the girl's smile 
slowly fade from across the hall. Sharon just stood there for a moment, 
dumbfounded as I just went back to chatting with my friends, like she almost 
wasn't there. It had to be one of the worst feelings I could ever recall, and 
to top if off, a couple of the girls in my group shot Sharon some ugly looks.
 
I watched her turn away, make a detour down another hallway to her next 
Class. I had to fight the urge to chase after her and apologize.
 
"Did that girl just wave at you?" Jenn asked, looking over at me with an 
expression of shock.
 
"God, I hear she's a real bitch." Vera chimed in.
 
I painfully twitched with every cutting remark and my hands clutched my books 
closely to my chest in shame for not walking up and talking to Sharon, for being 
so fucking weak. 'Shit' I thought to myself, hoping they wouldn't ask anymore 
questions.
 
"What was that all about?" Jenn persisted, much to my fear.
 
"Oh, I don't know, I've maybe talked to her a couple of times in passing." I 
shrugged, hoping that would be the end of it. 

But Vera stepped in close and tugged on my arm, causing me to stiffen, "I'm 
saying this as a friend Corbin, don't get mixed up with her, or any of her 
friends. They are some of the most manipulative girls in the school and not to 
be trusted." Vera released her grip and looked over her shoulder cautiously as 
if to make sure no one heard her.
 
I nodded and looked down at the ground, "Yeah, I know, don't worry." I sighed, 
I knew Vera meant well. Almost purposefully, Sharon and I avoided one another 
over the next couple of days, as if we suddenly didn't know how to navigate past 
all the bullshit our friends were throwing our way. By the start of Thursday I 
guess we both were resigned to the fact that School 'clicks' did in fact rule 
and I wasn't going to risk ridicule to talk with or be her friend and/or vice-
versa. I guess I should just be thankful to have known her for a few brief 
minutes that day and our phone conversation was wonderful. Shit, this is stupid 
it's not like someone died or anything...and then fate stepped in as I like to 
think, I saw Sharon standing at her locker and no one else was around.
 
"Hey!" I called out. I smiled as Sharon almost dropped a book in surprise. 
Turning her head I think she was genuinely shocked to see me standing there, and 
then I moved over to her left to lean against the lockers, cradling my own 
books to my chest. I tried to maintain this casual smile on my face as my head 
leaned against the metal lockers. I was actually amused at how differently we 
dressed, Sharon in her short, tight floral skirt, up top she had on a deep 
frontal v-cut, sleeveless cotton shirt, and a pair of elegant sandals wrapped 
around a pair of the most perfectly manicured feet and toes I had ever seen. Not 
to mention her hair which always looked like I just came out of a salon. In 
comparison, I felt all frumpy in my baggy tan shorts and grey t-shirt wearing my 
old running shoes. My shoulder length blonde hair just hung loose, I was always 
brushing it out of my face, very annoying.
 
For a split second I thought I saw that familiar beautiful smile and eyes light 
up her face, but then *poof* gone, quickly replaced with a sadness over I guess 
the way I snubbed her earlier in the week. "Oh, hey...what's up?" Sharon 
somberly replied and I was shocked as she turned back to her locker and 
continued fumbling thru her papers, but in a bit more of an agitated manner.

"You okay?" I knew exactly why Sharon was acting this way, but found myself 
unable to articulate the right peace offering.
 
"Just fine, why?" Sharon was playing me off and tossed her backpack over her 
shoulder. I was speechless and frustrated, I didn't have a clue where to begin.

"Okay well, I better be getting to class. I just wanted to say 'Hi' Sharon, I 
guess I'll be seeing you around?" Now I was frowning as I pushed off from the 
lockers and slowly started to walk away. She never called or came after me, I 
mean, what's up with this? I didn't fully understand why it upset me so much. 
'You really fucked that up.' I told myself, 'You could have at least 
apologized.' as I slipped further into a state of depression while slowly 
walking down the hall to my next class.
 
'Same old shit' I continued to chastise myself, 'Stupid, tongue-tied idiot 
that you are.' and a deep painful sigh came from my chest, resigned to the fact 
that this is just how things are. You know how sometimes you just bond with 
someone? And think it's the beginning of a great relationship! That's what I was 
thinking, besides, so many other things were going my way, getting accepted to 
Duke on an athletic scholarship, my grades, dating Eric, and of course my time 
in the gym was really paying off and I'm only seventeen! (no not eighteen, I 
took some tests as s kid and some people convinced my parents that I should 
start school at an early age. Heck, math was always easy as long as I never ran 
out of fingers and toes!) 
 
*********
 
Thank you god!
 
Fate was determined to bring us together before that dreadful day was over with. 
I almost stumbled down the track while running laps when I spotted her. She 
appeared to have just finished her Cheerleading practice, but was lingering 
around on the field, glancing over my way and that's when I felt another 
opportunity to make things right. For some reason it made me nervous...even 
scarred, 'Your just trying to be friendly, why all the anxiety?' I wondered, 
not even the explanation of the school peer pressure seemed to explain away the 
nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach. We exchanged awkward glances until 
finally I steered myself towards her direction, I noticed that Sharon had begun 
to nervously fidget and squatted down to untie and tie her shoelaces, trying to 
look busy. It made me smile a little to see she appeared just as nervous as me!

Uh-oh! 'Think I'm going to be sick.' I thought rubbing my stomach and took a 
deep breath upon my final approach, only a few feet away now.
 
"You want some company?" I finally asked, nervously running my hands thru my 
sweat soaked hair.
 
"Sure, if you like." Sharon simply said and she appeared to try and act 
nonchalant about the whole thing. Slowly I sat down on the grass opposite her 
and stretched out my legs, it felt good and I started to massage a tender muscle 
in my right thigh. I actually caught Sharon watching as my fingers kneed my 
tired muscles, she would quickly glance away and try and play it off. I don't 
know why but I just smiled at that, I think it was just innocent 
admiration of my muscles, I guess, I was naive then...still am I guess.

"You really are in great shape." Sharon said looking over at my legs again and 
shaking her head.

"Oh, thank you." I shrugged, "Well, your no slouch yourself." I smiled back 
hoping the ice was broken, but I guessed wrong!
  
"Aren't you afraid you going to be seen talking to me?" Sharon decided to jump 
right into the issue that hurt her the most, and looked back down at the laces 
of her shoes. 

It caught me a little off guard, but I took a deep breath. "I don't care about 
that, well, at least not anymore and I'm sorry for being such a wimp that day 
when you said 'hello'." I stopped working my muscles and frantically plucked 
several blades of grass around my outstretched legs while staring down. And then 
something happened that further caused my mind to spin out of control, Sharon 
had pulled her left knee up to her chest, flashing me with her dark blue bikini 
briefs from under her Cheer skirt. I just gulped and caught myself staring, but 
looked away in shame, well lets be honest here, I was looking at her briefs! Oh 
Lord help me, this is not appropriate! (I'm getting sexually confused again!)
 
"You're not a wimp!" Sharon said suddenly. I guess she was thinking about how I 
had taken a stand against Taylor and Janet. Hearing Sharon jump to my defense 
like that made me suddenly look up and I just froze, Sharon was just sitting 
there, meeting my gaze head-on as we locked eyes with one another for what felt 
like the first time in a long while.
 
"I know what you're thinking, but standing up to those two idiots was 
easy or so it seemed. Also, you didn't look like you were ready to back down, 
you were just out numbered, that's all. I guess I'm really talking about how I 
caved into pressure...from my friends...you know?" I seemed lost in thought and 
gently shrugged my broad shoulders before looking down again.
 
"What is it? Tell me." Sharon pleaded.
 
"Well, it's just..." And then I couldn't keep my look from turning serious, sad 
even, I couldn't finish my sentence so I quickly looked away. Sharon, bless her, 
simply watched compassionately as I struggled to speak, 'Out with it already!' 
my subconscious yelled!
"...I think we should give it another chance, you know, if you still want to be 
friends. I think we could be really good friends." Well that did me in, my voice 
cracked as my right hand came up to wipe some tears from under my eyes, 
initially I tried to mask them by continuing to wipe the sweat from under my 
chin and forehead but I think it was obvious by now.

Damn I was feeling so emotionally vulnerable, why now? Why with Sharon? But I 
can't psycho analyze this now!
 
I leaned back, my right hand pressing into the grass to brace myself, that's 
when I suddenly felt something that blew me away. Sharon had taken the 
opportunity, and initiative, to lean in and discreetly touch my right hand with 
her left. It was the best feeling I could ever recall, my normally guarded 
composure slipped some more when I saw the tears running down Sharon's cheeks. I 
cautiously opened my fingers and I felt her move, my nerves tingled as her 
fingers began to intertwine with mine. We both were trying to be discrete, but 
why? Nobody was paying particular attention to us, but in this place the windows 
have eyes! 

"Corbin, that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. I'd like that, more 
then anything in the world!" Sharon's look was so emotional, almost a look of 
relief had washed over her whole body, she kept smiling even as her free hand 
wiped the tears from her cheeks. "Please don't be so hard on yourself, allot of 
the crap you've been hearing and dealing with is my own doing." Sharon's big 
blue eyes stayed emotional as her lips even betrayed a tremble.
 
Sharon was the first true girlfriend I had ever had, so there I was at seventeen 
and I finally found a friend that I could share everything with, and she felt 
the same about me. You see, I just assumed Sharon had any number of friends that 
she felt closely bonded to, but that was not the case at all! She wasn't sure 
who she could trust anymore. Funny, that it took two strangers, who only 
slightly knew of each other for years, to one day come together and be instant 
best friends.

Well, the bell suddenly rang for last class and our hands slowly withdrew from 
one another as the activity of voices and class doors opening drew us out of our 
private moment.

"Uh oh," Sharon smiled and looked over at the building, then back to me, "You 
sure you want to be seen walking with me back to the gym!" She said with a 
teasing, flirtatious look. 

I shook my head with a faint smile "I think I can handle it."


  
03_High_School