THE OOOMPH GIRL
Author: Closet Fetishist
Story Codes: nosex flatu fart
"You're fired! Get off my set!"
"But, Bill..."
"Get out!"
Saul rubbed his head as he slowly turned and left the
set.
Bill continued storming through the set, looking for
people to yell at. The assistant director, Joseph,
followed closely.
"Bill, you can't just fire everyone. That's not gonna
help anything."
"Shut up! I'm the director; I can do whatever I want!"
"Yes, you can but is it wise? I mean without a crew we
are not gonna be able to finish this movie."
"If you haven't noticed, Joseph, we're not gonna be
able to finish it as it stands right now!"
"Just relax, we'll figure it out."
"Sure we will and one day you'll win an Oscar."
"Mr. Wilder?"
"Yeah, what do you want?!" Bill screamed at the young
boy.
"I...uh...was told you give you this."
The boy, his hands trembling, handed the note to Bill
which he snatched. With that, the boy ran off as fast
as he could.
Bill quickly scanned the note, "Goddamn it!"
"What is it?"
"The fan, the goddamn fan! Maintenance can't get it to
work, fucking piece of shit!"
"What are we gonna do?"
"I don't know what we are gonna do, alright?! I don't
know! I don't know!"
"Bill?"
"What?!" Bill shouted as he spun around only to see
Marilyn standing there.
He closed his eyes and repeated clenched his fists to
calm down.
"Yes, sweetheart?"
"I was just wondering if we were getting started
soon."
"Unfortunately, no. I'm afraid we are missing some
things that we can't shoot without."
"Oh, poo. I got all ready and everything."
"I know, darling, I'm sorry," Bill then stopped and
thought for a minute. "You know, okay, let's do it up
to the skirt part and we'll just reshoot that another
day."
"That's not gonna work, the studio schedule wants this
scene in the can today," Joseph reminded him.
"Well I can't do it today without that fan."
"What's wrong?" Marilyn asked.
"Oh, the fan dear, we can't get the fan."
"I see, well can we at least practice the scene,
Bill?"
"Sure, honey. Joe, is Tom ready?"
"Yeah,"
"Alright, everyone places! I want film in this camera,
just in case alright."
"Fine," Joseph replied, before going off to make the
arrangements.
Five minutes later, everyone was in place and ready.
"Alright, I want you to go from the top of the theater
and then pan down to where Marilyn and Tom are
standing and then track them to about here," Milton,
the film's cinematographer, said, marking the ground
with an 'X' in white chalk. "Then, Marilyn will say
her line and then pan down to her legs, got it?" He
asked his camera operator. "That alright with you,
Bill?"
"What?" Bill said, he wasn't paying attention at
first. "Oh yeah, fine, great. Let's get ready.
Places!"
"This is scene 21, take 1, marker!"
"And action!" Bill yelled.
Like clockwork, the camera panned down from the top of
the theater and to Marilyn and Tom.
"Didn't you just love the picture? I did, but I just
felt so sorry for the creature; at the end." Marilyn
said, delivering her lines perfectly.
"Sorry for the creature? What'd you want him to marry
the girl?"
"He was kind of scary looking but he wasn't really all
bad. I think he just craved a little affection, you
know, a sense of being loved and needed and wanted."
"That's a very interesting point of view."
"Oh, do you feel the breeze from the subway?" Marilyn
said as she took her position on the grate. "Isn't it
delicious?"
Bill was about to yell cut on what was a perfect scene
when something happened.
MMRRMMMMMMMMMMMMPPROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPHHHHHHHHHH!
Marilyn had farted loudly and explosively, causing her
skirt to rise up nearly parallel to her waist line.
"Oh god!" Tom yelled as he caught whiff of the
horrible fart Marilyn released.
"I'm so sorry, I had beans and cabbage for lunch. Did
I...can we still use that take Bill?"
"Cut," Bill yelled as he approached Marilyn.
He was taken aback a moment, the fart still lingered
in the air and was slow to waft away.
"No, dear, that take should be fine. That was perfect;
you made the skirt go up without the fan.
That's...*cough*...impressive."
"You're not going to leave me farting in the movie,
are you?!" Marilyn asked, embarrassed.
"Of course not, we'll take out the audio."
"Hey, Bill, I'm sorry I reacted to that, I should
of..."
"Relax, Tom, I would have too; that was terrible."
"Hey!" Marilyn said, angrily.
"Just kidding, dear," as he turned and fanned the
smell away from his nose. "Let's put this one in the
can and go home, great job everyone."