35

Chapter 1-Jennifer

Chapter Codes Mgi, MF, uncle/niece, no sex

I use to wonder what was so secret that they sealed
certain documents for thirty or forty years, and then
there are those that won’t ever see the light of day. 
What could be so secret, so hurtful that it should be
hidden from everyone?  I don’t wonder any more.  Those
that I loved in the past are gone.  Those I love now
understand, perhaps better than I.  I really don’t
care what people think anymore.  Besides who would
believe what the last 50 years were like.

I suppose I should start at the beginning, when my
life was turned upside down.  My name is Gene McGuire.
 I was 36 years old and single at the time this all
happened.  Living in the same city where I was born. 
I never married, and actually never really looked. 
Sure I had dates, girlfriends, and the occasional
clean out the top left drawer.  So whoever could leave
clean clothes for the long weekend, but serious
relationships?  No, Nope, Nada.  I had been working
for the same phone company since I got out of the
Navy, and had my own house that had a small back yard.
 Life was pretty good.  

My brother Gary and his wife, Linda, had a little girl
named Jennifer.  I guess that was the popular name
that year.  I’ve met about a dozen Jennifer’s in my
life.  Brown hair, Hazel eyes that changed color with
her moods, and a lower lip that turned into instant
pout when things didn’t go her way.  She was a real
cute kid.  

Anyway, when the tike started kindergarten, mom got
the itch to get back into the workforce (the paying
side).  Gary and Linda struggled over it for that
whole year.  After school care, reliable help, cost,
yada, yada, yada.

Being the older single brother I got a taste of it
when I went over to their house for Sunday dinner. 
That’s when Jennifer changed from her usual bubbly
self to trying to hide under her mashed potatoes and
peas.  These discussions, I found out later, was why
Jennifer looked forward to, what Linda called, “The
Solution”.

Summer came to our part of the country late that first
year, between kindergarten and first grade.  BBQ was
called for, and seeing as I had the house, and they
lived in an apartment, I turned into the master cook
for the season.  Their discussions grew more heated as
the new school year approached.  I had put in a swing
set for Jennifer the Summer before and Linda would
drop her off, if I was home, to watch her for a few
hours at night and on the weekends.  Thankfully,
Jennifer was playing when the light bulb over Linda’s
head went off.

“Gene?  Could you watch Jen after she gets out of
school?” She asked.  “You get off by four every day
and you two like the same things.  Lying on the couch
watching cartoons mostly with your eyes closed.  You
two even drink out of the same types of glasses. 
Jennifer tried to get me to buy some of those horrid
jelly jar glasses last week, just like you have.  By
the way, what did you do with those nice glasses we
got you for Christmas?”

Not exactly the smoothest way to get someone to do
something, but that was my sister-in-law.  She
actually really liked me back then.  I begged off and
told her no bachelor would be caught dead with a six
year old running around the house day after day. 
Besides, I had a reputation to uphold.

“Reputation?” was the quick reply.  “Your 36, you
hardly drink, the last woman you dated was Alice
Cunningham last fall, and by all reports you fled when
she wanted for you to go with her to Chicago. 
Something about visiting the parents over the
holidays, if I remember.”

“That wasn’t quite true” I replied.  Trying to defend
the male ego.  “She was picking patterns and all that
other stuff by Thanksgiving.  And besides have you
seen her family?  Straight out of the Addam’s Family,”
I said, referring to one of my top 5 reruns.  Alice
wasn’t anything like the little girl on the TV show. 
Daddy did, however, look like the butler Lurch.  “Help
me here Gary.  Pull your wife’s fangs out of me,
before I bleed to death.”  Did I mention I liked Linda
to? 

All Gary could do was laugh and say, “Sounds like a
plan to me.” While his eyes said better you than me. 
“You do have a lot in common with a six year old, and
it would help us save up for a house like this some
day.  It won’t be for long, just this year.  Just
think about it, Okay?”

Well I did and I gave in.  Taking care of Jennifer
during the day wouldn’t be any big thing.  Right?  I
already watched her a couple of Saturdays a month, and
that wasn’t any problem.  Right?  It was only
temporary.  Right? 


XxXxXxX


“Uncle Gene, I’m home.”  As if I couldn’t tell by the
slamming door and five hundred-pound shoes running
down the hall attached to a 3’ nothing little girl. 
Then came the wailing of the latest song.  Yup!
Jennifer was home and I had a headache.  It wasn’t
going to go away any time soon.  “Wazza matter, Uncle
Gene, headache?”  Concern covered the lovely face and
those beautiful eyes turned a deeper shade of brown,
before me.  “Stay on the couch and I’ll get a cloth
for your eyes.  Did you take aspirin?   I’ll get it.”

“Yes mother, I took aspirin and it’s going away as we
speak.  Besides we have to go out tonight.” Where all
seven year olds always so bossy?

 I wondered for the hundredth time how one year
changed to two with no end in sight.  

The first year was watching Jen before mom or dad
picked her up.  I still had the occasional Saturday,
which fine with me.  That was no problem.  Things
changed rather fast during second grade.  Gary lost
his factory job and started driving OTR trucking.  So
he was gone most of the month.  The powers that be at
Linda’s new job liked her so much that she was
traveling 3-4 days a week as a troubleshooter, more
money and a title.  Then they gave me some money to
cover her expenses and all the paperwork for Jennifer
in case anything happened while they were gone.  

When Jen started spending the night, the second
bedroom didn’t seem like enough.  I finally had to
clean my junk out of the spare bedroom and move
Jennifer in.  Having no decorating taste of my own,
Jen and I hit a few stores.  I charged slightly more
that the national debt of most third world countries,
and soon, the room was a showcase fit for any preteen.
Her Mom did not approve of the decor or the cost, and
quickly told me so.  I politely told her it was my
money, not hers, and butt out.  It did, however, give
Gary and Linda an excuse, when they were home, to
start going to the beach on long weekends and such. 
Leaving Jennifer with good old Uncle Sucker for weeks
at a time.

Jen never complained.  In fact, she seemed to enjoy
being with me, more than her parents.  Whenever her
mom or dad wanted her to come home, she started to get
into that pout, calling her real home as ‘that place’.
But then, I guess, I did too.

So there I was, I enrolled her in second grade, did
the open house thing, and went to conferences.  I gave
everyone my home, pager, and work numbers in case of
emergencies.  For some reason it never crossed my mind
to include Jennifer’s parents numbers or their
address; not that her parents were in town much.  When
Jen had her birthday the year before, I mailed her
presents from both of her parents.  If she noticed
anything wrong Jen never said anything.  The second
year I didn’t.  

Those first few years I had never seen someone so easy
to get along with, child or adult.  At first her diet
was mostly Mickey D’s and the King, with pizza and
Chinese take out the first couple of months.  Being a
bachelor I never had learned to cook.  So I tried, and
after a few minor fires on the stove, several “what is
its'” from Jen and more than a few “Yucks” from both
of us, we scraped that idea.  A Julia Childs I would
never be.  It was always the little things that were
the best.

 Finally I decided that eatable grownup food was in
order.  So I introduced her to Chris’s Supper Club.  A
nice place, good food and family atmosphere.  The
staff there, especially Maggie, made her feel at home.
 I think Jen liked the fact that they didn’t talk down
to her.  She was willing to try anything off my plate.
 If she liked it, she would order it next time.  If
not that was okay too.  We ended up every Friday, and
a lot of nights in between, at Chris’s ordering fish
and chips.  For some reason she liked the malt
vinegar, a lot, really strange for a kid, but then so
did I.

 Not that it was all bad.  Right now I had a cold
compress over my eyes and someone to rub the side of
my head easing the stress of the day.  I was
contemplating our supper at Chris’s later with an old
Navy buddy and his wife, when Jennifer said.

“Uncle Gene?”

“Yes Jen.”

“Do you have a girl friend?” she asked.  Keeping up
the steady pressure on my temples.  If the cold cloth
hadn’t been over my eyes, I think my eyeballs would
have popped out of my head and hit the floor.  “Where
in the hell did that come from?” I asked myself. 
“I’ve got to go to her school to see what they’re
teaching them.”  “No, I don’t, Jen.  Not at the
moment.”

Silence filled the house.  Jennifer continued to rub
my temples.  Back to normal, so I thought.

“Can I be your girlfriend, Uncle Gene?“  She asked in
that little voice I heard ever since she was five.

Okay dummy, now what?  Tread lightly, after all she’s
seven years old and really doesn’t know what’s going
on.  “I’d like that, but you’re a little young and I’m
a little to old” I replied.  A little to old I
thought.  Hell I’m going on thirty-seven.  That’s
ancient compared to an seven-year-old.

Next thing I know the cloth is off my eyes and the
darkest brown eyes are staring at me.  The lower lip
is in over pout.  Fists on her hips, looking, for the
entire world, like she was ready to do battle.  I’ve
seen that look before.  In the words of Commander
Scott of the Enterprise, I canna hold her captain. 
She’s gonna blow.  Please beam me out of here, 
Scotty, Please, please, please.

“I am not a little girl.  I told Danny I wouldn’t be
his girlfriend because he was too gross.  He spits on
the floor and does other nasty stuff.  Besides he
can’t go to the same places we like to go.  We go to
really neat places.  And you’re not too old either. 
You got to be almost twenty.  A lot of people are
twenty.  Besides Mom says I’m the mature one in this
house.”  She seemed to be winding down as my eyeballs
started to settle down back in my head.  The pout
remained, as did the throbbing in my head.

Note to self: dope slap Linda, I thought as I picked
up my Flintstone jelly glass.  I am very mature, for a
twenty-year-old.

“Well?” she asked.

“ I don’t know Jen.  The boyfriend/girlfriend thing is
a little complicated don’t you think?” I asked, trying
to buy some time.

Then she gave me a look I had seen on Linda a dozen
times.  The, Someone in this room is retarded and its
not me, look.

“You had a girlfriend once Uncle Gene.  Remember Alice
what's-her-name?” she asked.  The tension fading in
her eyes and the hand started playing with her long
hair.  “Alan Morton was my boyfriend last year and we
did all sorts of stuff together.”

“She was Alice Cunningham, not what’s her name.”  Kids
never seem to forget.  The last time Alice’s name was
mentioned was two years ago.  What else did she
remember?  “And yes she was my girl friend before you
came to stay.  What did you and Alan Morton do” I
asked, hoping to change the subject.  I knew Alan and
his family.  Something told me that this was one I
wasn’t going to win.  But I was still trying to
understand the rules.  I didn’t realize there weren’t
any.

“You know, kinda of what we do now.  We went to the
movies, DQ and shopping with Alan.  His mom drove,
he’s not old enough yet.” I was informed.  A vision of
a seven-year-old behind the wheel was a very scary
thought.  “We listened to music and watched TV and
stuff at his house.  Like what we do.”

“I suppose I could be one of your boyfriends and do
that stuff”; I was feeling a lot better already. 
After all, I hadn’t had a date since I said yes and
let Jennifer in my life, two years ago.  Wrong
thought.

“And we have to kiss.”

“Huh?” was my eloquent reply.

“You know kiss.  Lips to lips.  Alan and I did it a
lot, until his Mom caught us.  You don’t know these
things?  What did you and Alice do?”  All three foot
nothing starring straight at me.  

What the hell was Alan doing kissing my niece?  Seven
years old and if I catch him with Jen there won’t be
eight candles on his cake.  I’d be damn if I was going
to tell Jen what Alice and I did.  Just thinking about
it made me want to go into traction, again.  She was
that good.  Time to dodge and weave and not get
tangled in the ropes, I thought.  “Anyone can kiss on
the lips” I replied on the fly.  “How about I give you
a special kiss that only we will know?  Like
boyfriend/girlfriend.”

I could see the wheels turning as she mulled over the
possibilities.  I had to turn this around or Uncle
Gene was going to the big house for kissing on a
seven-year-old, or what ever else she had come up
with.  “Okay” was her reply.  “I like secrets” as a
smile crossed her face.  “Let’s go to supper.”  I was
not comforted as I got up.  We never got around to the
secret kiss thing.  What ever that was.



XxXxXxX


Have you ever though about times in your life that you
wish had turned out different?  I’d do anything to
start certain parts of my life over.  Not eliminate. 
Just a do over.  May 11th that year was one of them. 
We were at Chris’s for dinner, as usual, when I lost
my appetite.  Jen of course noticed.

“What’s up Uncle Gene, not hungry” Jennifer asked as
she picked at the lamb on my plate.  Her tastes were
getting more expensive.

“Remember Alice What’s-her-name?”

“ Its Alice Cunningham, Uncle Gene.  Sure, why?”

“She’s in the booth by the wall with three other
women”  I didn’t take my eyes off my old girlfriend. 
She was even better looking than the last time I saw
her.

Jens fork crashed to the plate, slightly disturbing
the couple in the next table.  I turned just in time
to see Jennifer literally whip her head around so hard
I thought it was going to fall off.  “In the blue
dress” she asked scanning the wall.  So much for
discreet.

“The blond with the green blouse against the wall,” I
replied.  My eyes watching Jen’s for some reaction.

Her eyes narrowed, and grew very dark, almost black,
like she was looking for something far away.  It
reminded me of looking for fish when I use to take day
fishing trips at the ocean.  I learned very quickly
that expression was much bigger, and evil.  Like Ahab
looking for the white whale.  The Captain was ready
with her harpoon.  Finally her eyes softened to light
brown.  “She was your girl friend; she’s pretty!” 
Then she looked at me and giggled.  “I know you kissed
her!  Are you crazy?  Look at her.  She’s laughs and
everything.  My mom never does that much anymore.  If
mom looked like that Dad wouldn't.”  Jen looked down
at her plate.  The giggles were gone.

“Wouldn’t what Jen” I asked.  I was starting to get an
idea why she didn’t want to go home.

“You know.  Mom and Dad don’t kiss anymore.  Dad stays
out late a lot even when he’s home.”  Her eyes were on
her plate and the little girl voice was starting to
break up.  “I’ve heard mom on the phone talking to
some guy named Bruce.  They’d talk about things. 
She’d giggle, and then she’d start crying.”

“Does it happen a lot?”  I didn’t want to really know,
but if I was to kill my brother and sister-in-law for
what they were putting Jen through I needed to know
more.

“All the time.”

A familiar voice broke into the conversation.  “I’m
sorry Gene.  I can come back later.”

Jennifer raised her eyes over my shoulder and smiled. 
Her eyes still misted over.  “That's okay.  Uncle Gene
was making me clean my plate and I didn’t want to.”

“Ya really.”  I added.  Great come back for a seven
year old.  “We have these conversations all the time
here.  Have a seat.  Get you anything?

The confusion covered Alice's face.  I know she
thought to herself, Jen and I were heavy into a one
sided talk on something.  For a fact, Jen wasn’t a
happy camper just then.  She probably thought she
would save a little girl from some ugly old
ex-boyfriend.  All she really did was spare two
undeserving parents their just desserts.  Eventually
she did sit, next to Jen, in the booth.  It was her
turn to say something.  Anything but what she said.

“Okay Gene.  It’s a surprise to see you here.  Well
not a surprise”. Turning to Jennifer, “Hi, I’m Alice
Cunningham.  I use to be Gene’s girlfriend a few years
back.  We use to come here about twice a week. 
Usually in this booth.”  The last part was directed at
me.

The booth, shit, I’d forgotten.  Alice and I would sit
here side by side, and while eating, play with each
other.  Nothing overt, mind you.  More head games than
touching.  We would play just enough to forget about
food.  Race over to my place for the rest of the
night.  I don’t think we finished half the meals here
in the two years we were together.

“I know.  Uncle Gene told me about you.  I’m Jennifer
McGuire his…” Just then, she shut up like some one
flipped a switch.  “Niece” She finished.  If I’d been
at the next table I would have laughed at the Three
Stooges act next to me.  Alice had that confused look
again.  I was shocked and relieved at the same time. 
Jennifer? Well remember Ahab? That harpoon was aimed
at me.  Her eyes were black as night.  Suddenly I was
afraid; very afraid.

Alice recovered first.  “Nice to meet you Jennifer. 
Do you come here often?”

“Once or twice a week” I cut in.  Alice looked at me
again.  Jennifer was having trouble aiming her harpoon
at my heart.  Her eyes were still coal black.  “Would
you like some dessert,” I asked.

“No thanks Gene.”  Now she smiled.

Finally, Jennifer turned to Alice.  Oh shit.  “Uncle
Gene said you live in Chicago?”

“I do.” Alice looked at both of us.  Jens eyes weren’t
as dark as a moment ago but She still had that harpoon
somewhere.  “I work for my Dad at his agency, ‘Gomez
and Lurch Inc.’  It’s an inside joke.  We have a
contract for the summer concert series at the state
fair here.  So I’ll be here till the end of September.
Maybe even start setting up a branch office.”

Jennifer’s eyes changed back to hazel almost
instantly.  The harpoon was put away for now, “The one
with the Beach Boys?”

“Yes.  As a matter of fact I’m flying to California
tonight to work out the final details with their
people.”

“I love the Beach Boys.  So does Gene.”  She started
gushing.  “We have all their records at home.  I just
love Brian and Dennis.”

“I know, I bought some of them.  All he had was Elvis
and Jerry Lee Lewis when we met.  Not my kind of
romantic music.”  Somehow the last part seemed like an
after thought.  It was the wrong thought.

Jen was a seven year old suddenly playing in the
Girlfriend Big League for the first time.  The problem
was she didn’t know it.  Her eyes started turning dark
again.  The two had their eyes locked on each other. 
“We like Elvis, don’t we Uncle Gene?”  Double shit.

Yes we do Jen.”  Time to end this.  Alice might not
like it but, fuck her, or not.  That thought brought a
smile to my lips.  For the very first time I saw
defeat in Alice's eyes.  She added two plus two and
came up with one hundred and eighty four to the
twentieth power.  She didn’t like the answer.  

Alice leaned into the table and of course Jen and I
did too.  “Your fucking her aren’t you?  You’re having
sex with a little girl! How could you!”  Alice
whispered.  Anger mixed in.  Lots of anger.

Jen pulled back, confused.  Then she started blushing
all the way to her toes.  All I heard as her head hit
the table was “Yuck!”  Half the room turned around for
that one.  That was one way to end the conversation.

Now it was Alice’s turn, confusion, blushing and not
quite a whisper.  “Shit.  Jen I’m sorry.  I thought… 
You know… Sex and all..  Gene, help me here before I
slit my wrists.  Jen I’m really, really sorry.  Double
Shit,” she said.

“Jennifer is staying with me and has been for over two
years,” I explained.  “Her mom and dad work out of
town.  I wouldn’t/couldn’t do that to Jen.  I don’t
know where you got the idea anyway.  Besides jail and
horizontal stripes aren’t for me.  You know that.”  I
really did know but the look on Alice's face was
priceless.  Three can play this game.  Welcome to GBL
Alice.

Then came the home run, the kill.

It was quiet for awhile.  Finally, Jen raised her head
and looked at Alice.  Her eyes were dark again. 
Captain Ahab was out and running free.  

“Uncle Genes MY boyfriend now.  I’m his girlfriend,
not you.  She whispered just loud enough for us to
hear.  I’ll be eight on July fourth.  Gene arranges
for fireworks on my birthday every year.  We laugh, go
to movies, shopping, watch TV and eat here.  We go to
the beach during the summer and go on the rides and
play in the water.  He even took me to the mountains
and went skiing last winter.  We laughed when we fell
down in the snow.  He protects me, helps me with my
homework and wouldn’t let anyone hurt me, not even
you.  I love him more than my mom and dad.”  Then she
threw the harpoon.  "He doesn’t fuck me.  I don’t have
to do anything to be his girlfriend, Wednesday. 
Yuck!”  Her head hit the table again.  

After digesting all that, Alice looked at Jen and me. 
“God, I really feel like shit now.”  Her hands covered
her face.  “Jen all I wanted to do was come over here
and see if Gene was interested in getting together
later.  I don’t know what's been going on in his life
the past three years but he’s really a great guy.  We
had lots of fun too.  We even did some of the things
you guys do now.  There were tears in her eyes.  I
felt like a shit.  I’m going to the hotel and pack. 
If there’s any thing I could do to erase the last 10
minutes I would.  Why did I come over here? I’m so
sorry Gene.  I’m sorry Jen, really, really sorry.  She
started to get up.

A seven year old bullying a thirty-three year old,
what the
hell had I done?“  Alice, sit down, please!”  Both
heads popped up as I composed myself.  Time to wing
it.  They were both right I was a nice guy.  I just
had this nasty streak in me, sometimes.  Now was time
to make things right, I hope.

“Look.  I don’t know what just happened but we have a
problem.”  Jen, looking at Alice, had daggers in her
eyes.  Alice was ready to run out of the door.  Not
good.  I put my hand on Jennifer's.  She looked at me.
“I told you, you are my girlfriend, Jennifer McGuire.
You make me laugh in the morning.  This has been the
best two years of my life.  But please don’t say fuck.
You’re in the second grade.”  Not that she sounded
like it after that blast aimed at Alice.

“You say, shit and she said double shit and suck.” 

“I’m 38 years old, and sometimes I forget, I’m sorry. 
Besides Alice is a little upset now.  But please calm
down and let me talk.”  Females of all ages have this
ability to put me on the defensive.  Time to switch
back to offense.  “I am your boyfriend, Jennifer
McGuire.  I don’t care what people think.  I don’t
care if your eight or eighty.  You can marry anyone,
Alan, Danny, or the man in the moon and you’d still be
my girlfriend.  Do you know the difference between
loving someone and being in love?”  I had Jens
attention now.

“No.”  Her eyes were slowly changing back to light
brown.  Not hazel, yet, but close.

“I love Alice”.  Jen’s eyes darkened again.  Talk fast
guy.  “But I’m not in love with her.  We had fun
together, and, I hope, still like each other.  We can
be together a lot but its not the same as being in
love.”

“Do you love me?”  That was a question that should
have been asked by someone three times her age.  I was
learning more and more about my three foot sixty five
pound girlfriend.  

“A lot, but you can only be ‘in’ love with one. 
That’s you.” was my reply.

“And that’s me?” she asked.  The most beautiful hazel
eyes were looking back at me.  Swing sets in the
backyard seemed far away right then.

“Yes.”

I looked over at poor Alice.  She was sitting back
stunned.  I looked at her.  “I love you, as a very
dear
friend and lover from the past and I hope in the
future.”

Alice looked at both of us and raised her hands in
surrender.  “I can live with that.  Hell I have to.” 
Glancing at Jen but returning to me.  “Sorry for
swearing Jennifer, but this isn’t quite what I had in
mind for tonight.  I really have to go and pack for my
flight.  I’ll be back next week, can I call you then
Gene?”

I looked over to Jennifer.  She was slumped in her
chair watching both of us.  “Your my girlfriend and
live in the same house, can she?”

Suddenly she looked like the terrified seven-year-old
she was.  Her first relationship decision and it was
about someone she just finished telling she couldn’t
get a date without fucking.  I don’t know if that was
in the decision, I didn’t ask.  “I guess its okay,”
was the reply.

Eventually we all got up and left.  No kisses or
handshakes, just a goodbye and I’ll call.

There was silence on the ride home.  Jen went to her
room in continued silence; no good night or anything. 
I didn’t know if she was still shocked or really
pissed at me.  I wanted to talk but didn’t know were
to start.  I was sitting on the couch with my feet up
watching the late news when Jen came back in.  She
stood in front of the couch put her pillow on my lap
then laid down.  This was her usual position for TV
watching and napping.  It was later than usual but I
was so wound up I couldn’t sleep.  It must be a
hundred times worse for a seven year old.

I thought she had fallen asleep when she said.  “Uncle
Gene?”

“Yes Jen.” I was half-asleep.

“What's fucking?”

That woke me up.






Its better to be hated for who you are,than loved for who you aren't...Van Zant

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