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NOW!!!!  secondself@gmx.com
   incest, bisexuality, bdsm, anal
   I knew that my daughter would need some quiet time to puzzle her way
through the hard left turn her life took the previous day before she spoke
about it with us, so when Ken and I woke early, we showered and dressed and
left our sweet girl a note telling her to enjoy breakfast and relax and
that we had our phones and would be back early afternoon.
   We set out in the city, a beautiful one, so different from ours.  The
verticality and population density, and the international flare of
Vancouver appealed to me.  We wandered the city, smiling as we strolled. 
My lover looked particularly compelling to me today, black turtle neck
tight weave light cotton sweater, khakis that fit his ass fabulously, and a
black wool gabardine jacket, very sleek but casual.  Away from the bar, Ken
usually dressed, preferring a departure from the Levi and t-shirt wardrobe
that served as his Guinness pouring uniform.  We walked shoulder to
shoulder, and I could feel his bicep against mine as we strolled.  I let go
a little moan and he turned his head and raised an eyebrow.  The morning
sun caught his deep brown eyes, and I got goddamned butterflies in my gut
and blushed like a school girl.  "Nothing," I said.  "Just you..." He
grinned and looked at me appraisingly, saying simply, "Yea."
   Two years now we've been lovers.  Not a lot of time in either of our
lives to have been identified with a same sex relationship.  Ken had some
years of loving me before I figured out my side of things, but during that
time, he never thought of other men, rather, he just quietly came to terms
with loving me.  So, we're still both pretty new at being out in the world
as a couple.  Throw in my daughter to the mix, and we're seriously babes in
the woods at integrating the new twists in our sexual identities.
   All that to say that being out together in a different city had us each
a little giddy.  I finally took hold of his hand, knowing full well that
we'd attract stares and likely more.  Two men who appear not the least bit
effeminate demonstrating physical affection is always dicey.  But, neither
of us cares a damn, and hopefully we can help dispel some idiocy by showing
that even "straight appearing" men can love one another.
   Holding hands walking down Robeson Street, I wanted to stop and make out
with him like a hormone-driven teenager.  Nobody but Ken has ever called
forth the energy in me that wants nothing more than to please, to submit.
Before Ken came along, I didn't even know such energy was possible, much
less that it could reside in my restless, independent soul.  That D/s
energy doesn't precisely define our love, but it does add an incredibly
sexy bass note to our dynamic.  It's something we are just beginning to
explore, although it is my distinct sense that for Ken, it is
better-developed.  It was my sense walking down the street that time drew
nigh for that exploration to begin.
   We wandered and now and then, Ken made an adjustment in our course as we
strolled.  We walked past a restaurant that was attached to a little
boutique hotel and got a whiff of the fragrant smell of fresh baked
pastries.  Ken hooked his hand around my waist and pulled me inside.  The
rather diminutive hot looking fellow who served as table host showed us
immediately to a linen-covered table in the front window.
   The place was very busy, well laid out, and quiet, in spite of the
busy-ness.  Spending his days in the bar where the noise is often just this
side of deafening, Ken hates being in noisy environments when he is away.
We ordered coffee for Ken and Earl Grey for me.  Ken ordered our breakfast
as I sat watching him.
   He looked at me and said, "What the hell are you grinning at, Quinn? 
You've been mooning like a teenager for an hour." He grinned as he chided
me.
   I reached my hand across to him and said, "Yea, I'm just a dude in love,
what can I say?"
   Our fingers entwined and he said, "Yea, this is incredible, isn't it? 
It's really nice to be away, to know that we're not coming home without our
girl, and I have to say that being out in the world with the gorgeous and
famous Dr.  Quinn McLeod never makes me too unhappy."
   I laughed, picked up my juice glass and toasted him.
   "By the way, McLeod, you look just this side of obscenely hot in that
muscle shirt.  Are you trying to ensure that I stay hard all damned day?"
   I grinned wickedly.  "Thank you for noticing, Ken.  I just didn't feel
like wearing a jacket today, and I thought I'd packed another sweater, but
I grabbed a cycling shirt.  I'm liking how it feels, err, it is a little
snug, isn't it?"
   "HA!  As if you'd make such a mistake with your wardrobe.  You are such
a liar.  A vain liar.  You just want to parade around showing off your
pecs, abs, and biceps, pretty boy."
   I decided to cut my losses and shut up.  Ken just knows me too well.  I
guess it's possible to say that I might be a bit "aware" of my looks.  And,
I love knowing that Ken and Jesse find me pleasing.  I'm blessed and I love
feeling strong and free in my body.  Why not show it off a bit?
   "I'm YOUR pretty boy, my love.  Always," I said, feeling some heat in my
cheeks and another part of me.
   Breakfast came and we tucked in to eat.  Fruit, oatmeal, some garden
sausage, and an egg dish that was fabulous, almost a souffle, light, but
substantial.  After we finished, Ken got serious and said, "I have
something for you, Quinn.  I've been thinking about this for a long time. I
hope you're okay with it."
   He extracted something from his jacket and handed it to me.  A ring box.
I opened it and the ring inside blew me away.  Ken said, "I know there are
places where you and I could be married now, but fact is, we aren't a
couple, we're a triad, and I know that we're not likely to see a day when
our triad will be legally sanctioned.  So, I worked with a goldsmith in
Seattle to come up with a design that I thought reflected us.  I would like
for us to have some kind of ceremony wherein we formalize that which exists
between us -- all of us.  I wanted the time with you to make sure that this
made sense to you, and to see whether you are willing to wear my ring, for
all that implies."
   The ring was white gold, thick, and held three stones, two brilliant
sapphires on either side of a glorious diamond.  The stones were good
sized, but because of the size of the ring, the stones didn't overpower,
and the piece was clearly made for a man.
   Struggling for words, I said, "I assume that there are three of these?"
He grinned and reached his hand in his pocket, drawing out a matching ring,
one that would fit him, and another box, which he opened to show me.  For
Jesse, the ring was also channel set, but the stones were larger,
absolutely glorious.  The ring was much finer, and there were tiny diamonds
lining the outsides of the channels.
   Ken cleared his throat and said, quietly, "Quinn McLeod, will you accept
this symbol of my commitment, of my honor, my enduring love, knowing that I
will treasure you with every breath?"
   I looked at the dear rugged faced man across the table from me and
thought of Maddy.  I still wore my wedding ring.  I slipped that ring off
my finger and switched it to my right hand, where it was a little snug, but
I'd get used to it or get it resized.  I said, "Kenneth Sean Mahoney, I
committed my heart to you a long time ago.  By wearing this ring, I commit
my life, my love, my lust, my best creativity and fealty to you."
   "I love you, Quinn," Ken said as he took my ring from the box and
slipped it on my left hand.
   I took his ring from the table and replied, "When I lost my Maddy, I
knew that I would end my days alone, longing for my daughter, burying
myself in work, and hoping to die young.  I guess we should never put me in
charge of forecasting the future, eh?" I chuckled, trying to summon up the
ability to not break down in the restaurant for all to witness.
   "Then one day, I went for a walk in the ice and when I came out, you
saved me with your warmth.  And, you have been warming me ever since, my
heart, my soul, and most definitely my loins.  I have no words to tell you
how much you have changed my life.  I love you, Ken, forever.  I will stand
beside you through everything that comes our way." I took his left hand and
slid it on his finger.  "I will work every day to honor that which exists
between us.  Will you?"
   He held my hand and said, "Until my dying breath, Quinn.  I will."
   Ken nodded at the waiter who gave him the bill, which he signed rather
than paid.  He stood up and I followed.  I thought we'd be leaving the
restaurant, but instead, Ken took my hand and led me through the lobby of
the hotel.  I was more than a little mystified as he started up a
staircase. Two flights up, he stopped at a door and unlocked it.  A real
key, not a swipe key.  This place was old and very genuine.
   He opened the door for me to enter and I did, finding us inside of a
very Victorian small suite, heavy draped tapestried bed, champagne chilling
nearby.  He closed the door and came to me, saying, "What did you think,
I'd propose to you and then just take you back out on the street?" He
brought his face to mine, kissing me tenderly.  I really felt like a
teenager now, as he held me tightly.  I pulled away and looked at each of
our hands with the rings.  Something about the power of the symbol just
caught me in the gut.  My eyes got misty and he pulled me to him with more
force.
   My heart raced in my chest.  I felt the love between us as though it
were a tangible force.  More than that, I felt my desire to give myself
over to him, this new piece of me, swelling up, crashing over me.  I wanted
him to devour me, to use me for every bit of pleasure he could imagine
taking from me.  And, I wanted to push my strength against his, matching
him.
   Reading my mind, he pulled away, running his hand through my hair, which
made my cock throb painfully against my slacks.  "Not fast, lover," he
said, "this time, not." He popped the cork on the champagne, poured us each
a glass and stood as close to me as we could manage without clanking the
glasses.  Slowly, we drank the champagne, not speaking, our eyes connected.
   I have stared down Nobel Laureate scientists, leaders of countries, all
manner of politicians, my dear departed Maddy, even my father, but the
longer Ken gazed into my eyes, the more I wanted to turn myself inside out
for my lover.  I said, finally, as I looked away, "How may I serve you?" He
smiled so sweetly and took my glass.
   "You have pledged your life at my side, my love, that is the ultimate
service.  You need never serve me, you know that, Quinn."
   I moaned, knowing that he wanted more from me.  "You bring out the part
of me that only exists for you, Ken.  Please, use the piece of me that only
you can know.  It waits within me; it hungers to feel your power over me.
And, I know that there is a parallel piece in you that needs to command.  I
can feel the consonance; we've touched it many times.  This time, please,
take me the whole way.  I need to hurt and beg and plead and lose myself,
Ken.  And, more than anything, I want to see and feel that unleashed power
you keep coiled inside you.  All the way, lover, please."
   Silent, he undressed me.  He stripped my shirt over my head, kissing
lightly on my chest, teasing my nipples just for a moment.  He unbuckled my
belt and slid it from my trousers.  He slipped my shoes off and unzipped my
pants.  He pulled them down and I stepped out of the legs.  That left me
wearing black bikini underwear with my thick cock straining against the
fabric.
   Ken sat on the bed and said, "Show me why I should make you my bitch,
Quinn."
   His words made me groan.  I stood not knowing what to do.  I closed my
eyes and centered myself.  I felt the rings on my fingers and realized that
I could not wear my wedding band any longer.  I looked at him as I removed
it.  I stepped forward and gave it to him.  He arched a brow as I put it in
his palm.  I said, "Please, it's time and it's okay."
   He put it in his pants pocket.  I know I said that I liked showing off,
but at this moment, I felt more exposed than ever in my life.  What could I
do to show him why he should make me submit?  What was the visual
representation of my hunger to feed HIS hunger?
   I knelt at his feet and said softly, "My hunger to serve you is not
about me, Ken.  My urgent and overpowering need, which you call up so
fiercely, is my hunger to serve YOU.  The gift you give me is allowing the
expression of my service.  And, my service is to give you permission to do
whatever you choose.  I trust you with my life.  Please take from me what
you will."
   I spread my knees, put my palms up on my thighs and sat quietly watching
him.  I could feel the wetness in the fabric of my underwear spreading as
my cock throbbed.  Images flashed fast across my mind, yearnings, being
whipped and bound, probed and used, by Ken, by those of his choosing.  I
couldn't believe the places my mind was going.
   He stared at me again, long minutes.  I didn't move.  I felt my heart
racing, and I began to feel very uncertain.  Would he reject this piece of
our love?  I couldn't imagine it.  As the time went by, though, I began to
think I had misjudged.  I flushed in embarrassment.  I tried to hide my
edginess.  My cock began to lose its heat.  Still, he watched.
   And then, I felt the ring on my finger where I had my hands crossed
behind my back.  I realized that he was watching me, testing me, and I was
playing out my own inner demons for him to see.  I knew in that moment that
my instincts were right, the piece inside him that called this part of me
out was strong, stronger than I could even imagine.  He saw the sureness in
my eyes and he smiled.  My cock sprung forth once again.
   "Submission is service, as you have articulated, Quinn, and it is also
surrender.  THAT is not something you have ever done, save in tiny pieces
with me.  THAT is the place where you will struggle, if you struggle.  And,
that is the place you will grow.  Today, it is enough that you feel my
hunger and for you to know that soon, you will feel the literal
manifestation of that hunger.  This place, this time, are not right.  But,
you have my promise.  I will make that which has been unspoken absolutely
explicit.  In the times when I say so, I am your Master.  Your service will
be absolute in those moments or hours.  Today, I want nothing more than to
feel the leather of the belt against the flesh of your backside, and to see
my mark on you before I breed that sexy fuckable ass."
   Ken stood and undressed, showing his powerful body off to me as he
shucked his clothes.  He made a special point to pull his belt from his
trousers, very slowly.
   "You have yet to show me anything, I note, and you know how much I love
to see you strut.  So, for the rest of our time on holiday, I will choose
your clothing, and there will be no complaint.  Now, bend over the bench
and give me your wrists."
   There was a bench seat, cushioned, at the foot of the bed.  He angled
the bench so that the bedpost was a couple feet away.  I bent and stretched
out my wrists to my lover.  With his belt, he bound them and hung them over
the bedpost so that I was stretched out and incredibly uncomfortable.  I
also was still wearing my underwear.
   I heard him reach in his pants pocket and heard the swack as he flicked
the blade of his switchblade out and with two swift moves of his wrist, he
cut away the only clothing I still wore.
   "Now, make me want that luscious ass, baby," Ken said, voice deep and
slow.  I felt my face redden and I imagined what would soon happen.  I
groaned and wagged my ass at him from side to side.  I thrust my pelvis
slowly back and forth and moved every which way I could to entice him.  I
was still thinking of how to wiggle when the first blow landed on the
fleshy part of my ass cheek.  He was kind, and didn't start with killer
blows, but having never been spanked by anything but his hand and my
Maddy's play swatter, that belt felt as though he meant business.
   I jerked up and tensed.  "Careful, boy, you need to embrace the pain. 
Don't fight it, or you'll never get where you want to go," he said as he
took up a rhythm, one cheek then the other.
   He warmed my ass in measured strokes, each one a scintilla harder than
the last.  He didn't vary the rhythm, giving me the opportunity to sink in
to the pain, to feel the deep burn that began.  My cock and balls were
starved for more, as was I.  "More, please, Ken.  Please."
   The next blows came much harder, and I felt my breath in gasps.  "Oh,
baby, you will be feeling my mark when you sit." he said.
   "Please, yes!"
   Harder, faster, rhythmic, I felt light, the edges of my vision got
fuzzy. And then, I flew....through a sound barrier into a vast silence. 
Soaring, into some place OTHER.  The small part of me that still was
connected felt his blows brutally hard, felt the sting of his sweat on my
ass.  Felt burning.  And no more blows.  I heard nothing, had no sense of
time, only wild non-chemically induce high.  Bliss, rapture.  Time?  Gone.
Only wild disconnected euphoric space.
   Softness.  I came back slowly.  He gave me water to drink, which I did.
He looked into my eyes and said, "Have you landed, Quinn?"
   I nodded, and he said, "Talk to me."
   "Yes, I am here.  So good.  Yes....my god, Ken, Thank you."
   He moved back behind me.  I felt...lube?  Yes, on my skin, then his
finger, fingers, yes, filling me, opening me.  He was kneeling against me,
I could feel the heat of his skin against my firey ass.
   "Ooh, lover, so good," he said as he pushed his giant phallus against my
hungry opening.  I pushed back, against him, feeling myself more grounded
as the head of his cock pushed me open.
   "Yes, please, please," I hissed as I tried to push back against him.  He
was still moving slowly as he said he would, and I wanted him furiously, to
overpower me.
   "Remember what I said, lover.  This is not the time.  Your hunger will
be quenched.  Soon, but now, a taste.  A taste of my hunger to feel your
hunger." And then, he put his hands on my hips and drove into me, hard.  He
fucked me long and fast and I knew that he could not say no to my need
anymore than I could say no to his.
   His balls slammed against my ass as he rode me.  "Take my cock up your
little boy pussy, you bitch!" Ken rammed himself inside me again and again.
He momentarily withdrew, leaving me feeling empty.  He reached forward and
unhooked my arms from the bedpost and threw me on the bed, on my back.
   He put my legs on his shoulders and slammed himself back in me again,
saying, "Grab your cock, bitch, make yourself cum with your daddy!" I
wanked my dick as he never took his eyes off of me.  I felt that giant rod
make its way up my chute against my prostate over and over and over.  I
screamed and screamed and screamed like a little girl as I came.  When he
began to shoot, he put my legs down and knelt over me and came all over my
face.  He shook the last drops off and dove on top of me and kissed me
roughly, licking and bringing his cum from my face into my mouth.  He ran
his hands through my hair, smashing his body against mine.  My ass ached
and burned and I could feel my cock already stiffening again.  He turned
around and took my cock in his mouth and I did the same to his.
   We sucked each other again, slowly, dreamily, until we were both hard. I
loved seeing the ring on my hand as I used my hand on his cock.  When I was
stiff, I asked him, quietly, "May I please you with my rod?" My lover made
a little groan and opened his legs.  It was my turn to want to go slowly,
and I did.  I used our cum to wet him and put my cock right at his ass with
no prep, just pushed it inside him.
   I stayed still to let him catch up then moved slowly, softly, loving him
so much for every new exchange we had.  I fondled his cock as I fucked him,
and he put his hand on mine as I did.  I could have stayed inside him,
connected forever.  But, the hunger rose in me and I said, "Please, roll
over on your belly."
   He lay face down and I put my legs on either side of him, going straight
inside him, intending to tickle that sweet prostate.  Harder, now, faster,
feeling the end in sight.
   I fucked his tight ass hard, feeling him reach for himself underneath
us. I got very close then backed down again.  I began pulling all the way
out and then burying back in, over and over, until finally I reached that
point where I jack-hammered him mercilessly.
   "You ready, baby?  Ready to take my hot seed?"
   "Yes, Quinn, give it to me.  Give me your cum, baby!"
   "Oh yea, here it is!"
   I exploded and jammed myself into him, staying there, loving the feel of
his strong body underneath me.
   "I can feel your heart racing against me, Quinn.  I love that.  And, you
inside me.  The only man..." Ken stopped, a catch in his voice.
   "Yea, lover, I know," I said, and hugged him as hard as I could, wishing
that my softening cock would stay in his tight ass but when I moved, I
slipped out.  Then, I slid around and he wrapped himself around me, and we
kissed for a long time.
   He saw the bruises on my wrists and I said, "You really didn't want me
getting loose.  That bind was tight.  I love that you were not gentle with
me.  It hurt.  A lot.  And that pain took me to the wildest place.  I want
to go back there, Ken."
   "You bring out the most vulnerable parts of me, Quinn, and it seems that
you also bring out the most Sadistic.  I need to learn more about both
parts of my extremes.  Do you ever feel as though you're a totally
different person now?"
   "Oh hell yes, Ken.  Post-Maddy, first Jesse, then you, are you kidding?
Work and extended family and the externals are still the same, but hell,
everything else is different.  At my core, I think, I'm still the same. 
Like you said, I'm just better aware of my extremes.  And, I love them.  I
NEVER let myself cry before the day in the garage when I thought I would
have to send Jesse away from me.  And now, every time we're together, my
heart gets so full, I just blubber like a baby.  But, I'm not ashamed.  I'm
relieved.  I am happy.  Excited.  In love.  Grateful."
   "Yea, me, too.  All of that.  You're just better at saying it."
   "You know, this is a beautiful little hotel, and that restaurant was
really good.  Jesse would love this place."
   "Well thanks, buddy."
   "'Thanks?' You act as if you own the place."
   Silence.  I picked my head up off his chest and he had a little grin.
   "What?  You don't...you do?"
   He chuckled.  "'fraid so.  Bought it about six years ago."
   "Six years?  That was a year after Maddy was diagnosed.  Just about the
time I started being a regular at your place."
   "Yup.  About the time when I started praying that some day I'd be able
to build a life with you."
   I was blown away.  "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  You knew that long ago?  Wow, I
just flashed on something you said to me in the tent just before you
impaled me with that log between your legs the very first time.  I never
thought about it until today.  It was some reference to one day you'd tell
me the story about when you first knew.  I am stunned.  That was a damned
long time to keep your heart to yourself."
   "I'm a pretty patient man, Quinn.  And, our friendship continued to
grow. I just didn't know if you'd ever figure it out.  Was I ever relieved
when your cock did it for you in the tent that day."
   I reached down and grabbed my rod and talked very seriously to it for a
minute: "Little brain, thank you for thinking for me that day.  Good job!"
Ken laughed heartily and leaned down and kissed my cock by way of
thanks. He came right up and said, "I recommend that we get cleaned up and
get back to the OTHER hotel and see our beautiful girl.  AND, I would very
much like to host a little party for us here before we go home.  For the
past several years, I've assembled a staff of people who, shall we say,
will be very forbearing as to our various alternative activities.  I
figured Vancouver was just far enough away for us to be comfortable.  And,
you may find that you enjoy the play venue."
   I looked at Ken, stunned into silence.  "You mean that you built a place
where we can be who we are with one another, all three of us?"
   "As a gift to all of us, as an investment in our futures I dreamt and
hoped would happen.  I guess you could conclude I am an optimist." Ken
grinned and wiped at his face.  He picked up my hand and held it.
   "I love seeing that ring on your finger, Quinn.  Thank you, again, for
wearing it."
   I took his ringed hand in mine, and kissed his ring.  "And thank you,
Sir, for the gift, and for all the thought that goes into how you are who
you are in my and Jesse's life."
   I got up, pulled him off the bed, and we hit the showers.  In record
time, we were back downstairs and Ken was properly introducing me to his
maitresse d'hotel, Aceline.  A stunning woman, tall, large, imposing, with
a friendly demeanor, and an underlying command that made me wonder what
more was going on there.  Her handshake was a crusher, but not
intentionally, she was just very strong.  She was very happy to meet me and
said, "Monsieur Quinn, the man who makes this man happy is beloved of this
staff.  I am honored to know you."
   We made our goodbyes and hit the day, which was warm and a little brisk,
that overlay of fall making itself know in the summer late morning, each
excited to see Jesse and to have Ken offer her his ring.
   
  
Ch. 7 Diamonds and Sapphires