"Maria?" Kim asked.

"Yes," short hair replied and then indicated her friend. "And this is Isobel." Maria turned to me. "You must be Carol."

I was good and confused. Kim turned to me and said, "Surprised?"

"A little," I said sarcastically. Kim explained that she had met Maria in a lesbian chat room on the Internet. I knew Kim talked to lesbians around the world but she never mentioned one from Rio. She must have been planning this for a while.

The four of us ended up dancing for an hour or so and then Kim said we should all go back to the house. I had a feeling this was where things were going, but I didn't want to ask Kim in front of Maria and Isobel. On the one hand I was excited, I'd always wanted to invite another girl into our bed. Kim was aware of this because it was the stories about her exploits with three other girls in high school that planted the seed of this particular desire. On the other hand I was nervous because I was afraid my sexual inexperience would be very obvious.

Back at the house we mixed some drinks and sat on the patio. Maria had planted herself in a chair next to mine and we talked for a while. It turned out the girls were from a nearby town and they were both twenty-one. I told her a little about me without going into too much history about my lack of love life.

Maria asked if she could kiss me and I said yes, but at first she just stared at me for a few moments. I don't know if she was a little apprehensive, like I was, or if she was looking for something in my face. For all I knew she trying to count my freckles. Maria broke the stare by lowering her eyelids until they were half open, tilting her head a little and leaning towards me with her lips slightly parted. Just before we made contact she stopped, her face mere centimeters from mine. I could feel the heat of her breath on my lips. Her tongue came out and gave a quick swipe along the front of my lips.

I'd only been with two girls before Kim, my roommate from college and my best friend Lorna from back home. Lorna and I started kissing each other and even ended up fooling around a few times, but I really had feelings for her and there were times I thought she felt the same way. I was too nervous to push the issue and I think she was too nervous about being labeled to get seriously involved with me. Eventually she got a boyfriend and forever left me to wonder if we could have been more. My roommate was basically a straight girl who wanted to fool around with another girl for the experience. Kim was the first experienced girl I'd ever been with, which wasn't really saying much because her 'clique' was the only experience she'd had before me. But with how turned on Maria got me at this point alone I realized my experience status was about to change a little.

I moved in and tried to kiss Maria but she moved her head away. I settled back into my position and suddenly Maria leapt forward and kissed me. Her tongue made nice with my tongue and it felt like melted chocolate in my mouth. Maria's hands went to the back of my neck and caressed the skin there. Then her hands moved so her fingers could caress the sides of my neck while her thumbs lightly moved over my throat and the bottom of my chin. As the kiss came to an end Maria took my lower lip and sucked it between hers, then used her tongue to lick my lips.

"Why don't we go where there's more room?" Kim said. Maria and I looked up to see Kim and Isobel standing over us.

The master bedroom had a king-size bed that could fit the four of us. Kim took some toys out of the bedside drawer- a vibrator, a clitoral kiss and some lotion. Isobel had gone to her car and when she came back she had a paper bag. From it she pulled out a set of anal beads and tossed them alongside Kim's toys, then went to the stereo and put in a CD of slow guitar music. We decided to pair off first to get used to new partners, Isobel and Kim took the left side of the bed while Maria and I took the right.

Maria and I spent some time kissing and caressing each other. She pulled away and smiled as she undid my top and pulled it off, then leaned down and kissed along my left shoulder as her hand caressed my left tit. I leaned my head back in pleasure as her kisses moved down my chest to where her hand was. She didn't take my nipple in immediately; but simply let her breath entice the sensitive skin. While this happened she ran her fingertips very lightly on the undersides of my globe. Then all at once her hand cupped the underside of my breast as she sucked my nipple into her mouth. The combination made me moan in pleasure.

I heard another moan just after mine. On the other side of the bed Kim was lying down and Isobel was on top of her. They were both already naked, Isobel was sucking hard on a mouthful of Kim's left tit and her right hand was working Kim's right nipple. Isobel's left hand was between the Kim's legs, moving just enough to confirm the obvious.

Maria started licking my right breast all over, skipping the areole, and covering it in her saliva. I was surprised when she moved her head back but then she pursed her lips and started blowing on it. Her head moved in slow circles, moving from the outside and slowly zeroing in on my areole. My nipple was already hard as she took it into her mouth and rolled her lips over it.

"Hey," Isobel called to us. They had turned over so Kim was lying on top of Isobel. "We going to turn this into a foursome or what?"

Maria turned to me. "So impatient," she said, then turned to Isobel and said something in Portuguese. Isobel said something back and Maria just rolled her eyes as she took off her clothes. I followed suit, figuring Maria had given in. I scooted over to lie next to Isobel and Maria moved into position between my legs. She used her hands to start playing with my pussy, running them through my pubic hair before playing with my folds. When her tongue licked the entire length of my slit I cooed and thought of what was to come. It was a short anticipation- her tongue began slowly licking every inch of my cunt like it was looking for something. I turned to see Isobel making an "O" with her mouth as a moan escaped her. I decided to fill up that hole and grabbed her by the back of the neck and pulled her towards me. Our mouths made soft love to one another as our hands found each other's breasts and played around. I was so turned on, not just because I was having sex, but also because it was with more than one girl. Ever since Kim had told me about how she had sex with several girls at once in high school, all I could think about was trying it. I'd even lay in bed at night dreaming about it. Now here I was doing it for real. I couldn't think of anything that would feel better than this. Not that thinking took up that much of my time- feeling was the act of the moment. I had a girl's tongue in my mouth, her hands on my breasts, and another girl's tongue in my feasting on my pussy. Let's just say I was a little overwhelmed at the moment.

It was about to get better as Maria put her tongue up my hole. I moaned loudly into Isobel's mouth, and she started sucking on my tongue as Maria moved hers in and out of me. Isobel climaxed before I did, so as she laid there in orgasmic bliss, Kim came up and kissed me.

"Enjoying yourself?" she asked.

"Uh, Uh huh." Kim laughed and then went down to my breasts and started playing with them. I closed my eyes as she started sucking at my left nipple. Maria found my clit and played with it with the tip of her tongue. I still felt Kim sucking on my left nipple when suddenly I felt something soft and wet on my right nipple. Knowing Kim wasn't that talented I opened my eyes to see that Isobel was back in the game. The two girls licked and sucked my tits while their hands caressed every inch of my skin they could reach. I had to revise what I'd thought before, I couldn't think of anything better than this. The feelings were incredible, and the naughty side of me was reveling in the moment. I had three girls pleasing me sexually, what could possibly make this situation any better? Then the thought of another girl sitting on my face as I ate her out entered my mind. That's my naughty side, always coming up with something else.

Maria pressed my clit between her lips, lightly at first, slowly increasing the pressure until she sucked hard on it. That threw me over the edge. Kim and Isobel started sucking hard on my nipples and the pleasure I was receiving in all three areas, all at the same time, was so incredible that my orgasm was like none I'd ever had before. My body was thrashing and jerking so hard all three girls struggled to hold onto their positions. Afterwards I lay there in a bliss that I knew I'd remember for a long time.

Maria cleaned me up and we switched around so Kim was lying down while Maria and I sucked on her tits and Isobel ate her out. Kim was her usual loud, vulgar self as she spewed out curse words like a truck driver. Something always turned me on about that, the fact that such vulgar language came from such a pretty little thing. After that we switched again and I was between Maria's legs, which I pushed apart wide and licked from her folds all the juices that had already accumulated there.

Using long, slow licks from bottom to top I had Maria moaning in no time. Then I got down to business, using my lips to suck on hers and getting her good and worked up. I spread open her hole and slowly moved my tongue inside until I was as far as I could go and then wiggled it around some. I pulled it out almost all the way and then slowly went back in again and wiggled. A few more times of that and Maria was yelling in her language. When I finally pulled out of her the whole way I sucked on my tongue when it was back in my mouth and savored the fruits of my labor. I took two fingers and rubbed them up and down her labia, being sure to coat them with her juices, and then stuck them into her hole while I went to work on her clit, sucking it, licking it and even blowing on it. Just as Maria came her legs closed and clamped onto my head like a vise. It actually started to hurt and I called out in pain more than in pleasure, but before I could complain she came off her high and let go. I looked up at her and said, "You're legs almost cracked my head open."

"Sorry," she said.

"Gymnast in high school?"

She shook her head. "Swimmer." I moved up and lay on her side. Kim and Isobel moved in too and we all relaxed and cuddled for a while. During that time I found out that Maria and Isobel had known each other during high school but never ran in the same crowd. After graduating they discovered their common interest after seeing each other at a lesbian club. Kim made the two girls promise to take us to that club the next night. A horrible little thought entered my head, an addendum to my plan that might make the break up seem more natural. I filed it away for later.

It wasn't long before we were back at it again with Kim was between Isobel's legs. Isobel leaned up on her elbows and asked me to come to her. She had me kneel over her face and started eating me out. I put my forearms against the wall for balance and looked down at the top of Isobel's head. Her eyes looked lazily content with their lids half closed, then they would pop open every once in a while, probably responding to Kim's tongue. Meanwhile I moaned as I felt her tongue hard at work between my legs. Almost by instinct I started gyrating my hips on her face, my clit brushing up against her nose. I screamed this time when I came and I had to lean against the wall for a moment before I crawled off Isobel. Lying on the bed and watching my girlfriend bring her to orgasm, I watched for Isobel's face to take on that pained look I've seen before. But when Isobel turned her face towards me it looked sad instead of pained, and for a moment I played with the thought that she could read my mind, seeing the devious plan I had thought up.

Maria crawled up next to me and pulled my head to her. She gave me a brief kiss and looked into my eyes. "Let's go outside and look at the ocean," she said.

I nodded and we left Isobel and Kim to their fun. Maria and I went downstairs and out onto the patio. I felt a rush as I walked naked into the open air of nature. There was a full moon that night and it almost seemed to light up the ocean. We stood silently admiring the view. Then Maria pulled me into her arms and gave me another soft kiss. Her hands slid down and squeezed the cheeks of my ass.

"You have a really nice ass," she said, followed by giggle.

"Thanks," I said sheepishly, practically feeling myself blushing. There was just something about Maria. Suddenly her lips were next to my ear. "Would you mind if I showed it a little attention?" she whispered.

I swallowed and said, "Sure."

"Lay on your stomach."

I laid down on a deck chair and felt Maria's hands on my ass cheeks as she pulled them apart. The long, slow lick of her wet tongue up my crack sent shivers that I'd never felt before. I moaned in approval as I felt her tongue working its way around back there and then a sharp wave of pleasure hit me as she made contact with my rosebud. It was the closest thing I could imagine to feeling an electric shock.

"Oh, whoa," I let out as she started licking my asshole. Kim would put a finger up there but never her tongue, I don't know if it was because she wasn't into it or was as ignorant about it as I was. I'd never even thought of it. As I lay there enjoying the sensation I realized how calm I was. I looked out onto the beach and watched the waves come crashing to the shore, and I remember feeling more alive at that moment than I'd ever felt before. The breeze on my body made my skin tingle and each intake of breath sent a wave of excitement through every inch of my being. It felt like being lost in serenity. I'm not sure if it was caused by what Maria was doing or if it was my mind slowing down and taking in the scenery, but looking back, I realize that it was the calm before the storm.

Maria gave my rosebud a little kiss and crawled up onto my back. Kissing the back of my right ear, she asked, "Did you enjoy that?"

"More than you'll ever know."

Kim and Isobel came downstairs and we decided to take another break. Isobel and I went upstairs to go to the bathroom while Kim and Maria mixed us some more drinks. I talked with Isobel some more about the lesbian club and asked some questions with my devious plan in mind. When our significant others arrived they were excited. Apparently they came up with a great idea, so after we had our drinks we ended up laying on our sides positioned in a square. My face was at Isobel's pussy, she was facing Kim's pussy, Kim was facing Maria's and Maria was facing mine. It was something called an 'Amazon Chain'. We went at it and it was awesome. At one point Maria stuck her finger in my ass and that drove me to orgasm. Once we all came we switched positions so everyone was sucking off the person who just did them. As we changed Kim grabbed the vibrator and other goodies and put them in the middle of our square.

"Feel free to play with the toys," she said.

I started licking Maria's pussy, alternating between sucking on the whole thing with my lips and licking it with my tongue. When I blindly reached into the middle of the pile my hand came out holding the string of anal beads.

"Um, how do I use these?" I asked. My embarrassment of inexperience was overcome by the fear of hurting someone if I did it wrong.

Maria broke contact with Kim's pussy long enough to say, "Lube them up and stick them in." Great, thanks for the detailed directions. Whatever, it was her asshole on the line. I rubbed the beads in Maria's pussy juice and started pushing the beads into her accepting asshole while I kept her pussy going with the fingers from my other hand. I heard a buzzing and looked over at Kim, who was using the clitoral kiss on Isobel. I managed to finish getting the beads into Maria's ass when I felt something poking at my hole. I had to stop what I was doing with Maria because a wave of pleasure washed over me and shook me to the core. My eyes went to the middle of the bed and I noticed the vibrator wasn't there. I could feel where it was though as Isobel slowly pushed it into of me and slowly moved it out again.

I went back to eating out Maria as Isobel fucked me with the vibrator. It wasn't easy because the feeling of the vibrations was really getting me off. At one point when Isobel was pulling it out of me I remembered the anal beads inside Maria. I pulled on the string and popped them out one by one and I guess she really liked it because she began to climax. I sucked up all her juices and rolled what I had around in my mouth for a moment, savoring that bittersweet taste I love so much.

Isobel started pumping the vibrator in and out of me with more vigor, causing me to gasp. I swallowed for fear that I would choke on the leftovers of Maria's pleasure. Wouldn't that be ironic? Choking to death on someone's cum? I pulled the last anal bead out of Maria's ass as I enjoyed the feeling of Isobel's expert use of a vibrator. My whole body started shaking and I tried to say something but it kept getting caught in my throat. Isobel stopped what she was doing and looked at me with a smile.

"There something you're trying to say?"

"Yeah," I said breathlessly, "don't fucking stop!"

She laughed and started up again. The only thing I was doing to Maria now was holding my arms around her body for dear life as I climaxed with some very loud yells, managing to get out words like-

"Uh, God, yeah, fuck, oh, shit, good, fuck, unh, uhhhhhhhhhhhh!" And with that I had my third climax for the night. I lay there trying to catch my breath as Isobel sucked the vibrator clean, then cleaned up between my legs.

While that was happening, Maria, who was still sucking on Kim, had folded her legs in half so her feet were right next to my head. She had the cutest toes, the kind I like- long and slightly bony. I started sucking on them a little bit and she cooed. I wasn't exactly sure if it was for what I was doing, but I had a feeling it did.

Kim came and Isobel followed not long after that. Maria had passed out by that time and Isobel crawled over to lie next to her. I was still breathing heavy as Kim spooned her body behind mine. She hugged me and kissed my neck while I closed my eyes.

"I love you," Kim whispered.

It caught me off guard. My eyes opened. I was in no mood, or shape, to get into the breakup talk now, especially with two other people in the room. My mind raced to think of something to say in place of it that wouldn't get me into trouble. The silence in the air was getting heavier by the moment. I swallowed hard. I reminded myself to breathe. Then fear made the decision for me.

"I love you too," I said.

I had avoided getting into trouble with Kim. Now I was in trouble with myself.

CHAPTER 7: THINGS COULD ALWAYS BE WORSE...

The four of us were in the Jacuzzi the next morning and the topic was suicide. We got on the subject after smoking a joint and hearing Isobel open up about it. She had considered suicide during high school and planned to hang herself.

"Hanging yourself, ugh," Kim said, "I couldn't do it that way, slowly choking to death. Suffocation scares me."

"No, I thought it happened quick," Isobel said, "I heard your neck breaks before anything else, right?"

"I think that depends," I interjected, "on how far you fall before it catches you. When they used to hang people in the Old West they'd fall through a trap door and drop a few feet until the rope caught, which broke the neck. If you just kick a chair out from under you it'll strangle you until you're dead."

Isobel had a pained look on her face; obviously she now had another reason to be glad she didn't go through with it. The first reason put an arm around her shoulder and hugged her. Kim looked over at me with a smile. "Well thank you Doctor Scully."

"What's your problem, slut?" I asked.

"You're awfully up on your death knowledge there, whorebag. Guess I should be careful in case you want me out of your life." Her last words made me just stare at her. Kim looked over at Isobel and Maria. "Now if I wanted to do myself in, I'd get in a bathtub full of warm water and cut my wrists open."

"Why would you do it like that?" Maria asked.

"Well first of all it's not too painful, you just wait to pass out from losing too much blood. And second, if people hurt me enough to make me want to commit suicide, I'd be getting back at them when they walked in to find a big, bloody mess in the bathroom."

The three of us just sat there and stared at Kim. Her eyes stared off to some faraway place, and I just knew she was imagining how she'd love to do that to her parents.

"Jesus Kim," I said, snapping her out of her vicious dream. "What?" she asked.

"You. Blood, revenge...and you said I was morbid."

Kim smiled. "Guess I just have to always go over the top."

The four of us ate some breakfast, or lunch by then, and went out to the beach. Electric jolts of excitement coursed through my body as I once again walked topless in the open air, surrounded by people. Today I was much more comfortable with it, my inhibited side had had its fear fit yesterday, leaving only my naughty side to enjoy the situation. The feeling of the sun and wind on my bare breasts was making me wet and I had to fight the urge to touch myself. I also had to stop myself when I was spreading suntan lotion on my breasts and I kept doing it to the point where I was practically playing with them. We went into the water for a little while and had some drinks at the open-air bar again.

Isobel and Maria went home to get ready for that night and Kim and I went back to the house to do the same. When I got out of the shower I found a beautiful dress lying on the bed. I thought I knew everything in Kim's wardrobe, so I picked it up and held it in front of me in the mirror just to check it out. It was a bone white, one shoulder piece that came well above the knee. In the mirror I saw Kim walk into the room.

"This is going to look killer on you," I said.

"No it's not," Kim said. "I got it for you."

I stared at her for a moment and then put the dress back on the bed. "Kim...I appreciate this and all, but I can't take it."

"Why not?"

"You're already paying for this trip, and for me to go see my parents. That's too much already. This dress looks expensive."

Kim rolled her eyes, "What's expensive to me? C'mon fuckwad, I wanted to get you something that you'd look really nice in 'cause I'm sick of seeing you in discount fashion. Just put it on and take a look."

I humored her and put it on. She gave me a pair of white two-inch heel sandals and (it wouldn't be Kim without it) a gold armband to go along with the gold anklet and toe ring set she'd given me last month. When I stood up for her to look her eyes bulged out.

"I always tell you you're beautiful and you never believe me," Kim said, "now go look in the mirror." I did and what I saw made me stop and stare. Kim walked up behind me. "Even you can tell now, can't you? See what the right clothes can do?"

I posed and smiled. "Wow."

Maria and Isobel picked us up and after dinner we went to the lesbian club they'd told us about. As we found a table, I looked around and noticed the place was bigger than I thought it would be. I wasn't sure if that would work with my plan.

My plan. It was becoming harder and harder for me to go through with this. After letting her pay for this trip, the dress, saying 'I love you'. It wasn't that I was afraid she was going to think I was taking advantage of her anymore, I felt my plan was so perfect none of that would be a problem. But part of me was starting to regret what it was going to do to her. I worried about hurting her feelings. To tell you the truth, I wasn't as worried about me saying 'I love you' as I was about her saying it, because it meant she really felt it.

But deep down I knew I had to do it. Kim was a big problem in my life whether she loved me or not. I wanted to graduate from college and she had become an obstacle. This was the way it had to be. So I started out with saying, "That was really shitty the way you treated your mom earlier."

Kim looked down at the table, but I could already see the anger building in her face. "That's because you don't have to live with her."

"No. But I do have to watch you treat your parents like shit."

Kim looked me in the eye. "Why the hell are you bringing this up now?"

"Because I got so angry hearing you talk to your mom and I realized how long I've wanted to say something about it." Out of the corner of my eye I saw Maria and Isobel quietly get up from the table and move out onto the dance floor. Kim looked down again as I continued. "From what I've seen they're willing to do anything for you, give you anything you need"

When Kim looked up at me I could see the rage in her eyes. "And they're always telling me what to do too, trying to tell me how I should live my life!"

"Hello! That's every parent, at least the good ones. You know how many friends I had back home whose parents didn't give a shit about them? Right now most of them are in jail or belong there." Kim turned away. I could almost feel her seething rage from across the table like it was a physical force. She was trying to keep it bottled up, which was very unlike her. I had expected more yelling and screaming by now. But then I realized she didn't want to explode at the one she loved.

That thought almost stopped me from going through with it. I felt the guilt welling up inside, ready to step in and calm her down by apologizing for what I'd said, wanting to soothe her and hold her and tell her everything would be okay. That would have been what happened if a waitress from the bar hadn't walked by, reminding me of the waitress from the diner. Suddenly I realized I had to look out for myself as well. I shut my eyes tight and thought of anything that would push my 'Kim guilt' away.

My parents.

Safeway Mart.

The waitress.

I opened my eyes. It was time to seal the deal. "I bet my friends would give anything to have parents like yours."

And the bottle cap blew off. "You have no idea what you're talking about!" Kim had screamed so loud at me that even with the dance music blaring some people around us stopped and stared. I felt some spittle from her hitting me in the face as she spoke. "You don't understand how much they expect from me! What they want from me!"

"God forbid they should ask for anything in return!"

"Then maybe I should start expecting things back from you too!" Kim screamed.

Bingo. I gave her an angry look. "If that's the way you want it," I said, "I'll give you as much money as I can. Just don't expect anything else." I got up and walked away from the table.

All the way to the bar I hoped against hope that she wouldn't follow me to try and make up. There were two things left to chance in my plan, the first being that her anger would overpower her urge to make up quickly. Sure, she'd probably try to patch things up tomorrow, but by then it would be too late, as long as the second part left to chance worked. I sat at the bar and when the bartender came up I didn't order a drink. I waited and waited, but nothing happened. Most of the bar stools were taken, but it seemed like everyone there was with someone. Worry started to creep into my body, and it took everything I had to resist the urge to turn around and see what Kim was doing. But I reminded myself that I needed patience in order for this to work out right, just like I needed to take some chances too.

It paid off because a few minutes later the bartender came up and said someone wanted to buy me a drink. She pointed at the end of the bar and when the girl waved my eyes almost fell out. She looked like a model from an L.L. Bean catalogue- the gorgeous, healthy looking girl next door. I estimated her age to be late twenties. Her chestnut brown hair spilled past her shoulders and her skin had the slightest hint of a tan. Best of all, she had those big, luscious, Angelina Jolie sized lips that begged to be kissed. Jesus, Kim was on the mark about the right clothes.

I ordered the drink as I felt my stomach tighten and my throat dry up. When the bartender served me I downed half of it to solve the problem and walked over to my admirer. She turned away from the bar as I walked up and flashed me a set of perfect teeth.

"Hey there," she said.

"Hey. Thanks for the drink."

"It was the least I could do for exposing me to your beauty."

I'd never felt so self-conscious in my life. Here was this beautiful creature telling me I was beautiful. I was so caught off guard I couldn't speak. She broke out in laughter.

"Wow," she said, "I've never seen a whole body blush before! I guess that line really works. Some guy used it on me and I couldn't tell if he was cheesy or just the line, so I figured I'd try it out. Must have been him." She smiled again. "But I really do think you're beautiful, otherwise I'd have never tried it on you. Best thing to walk into this place in a long time. I'm Gwen, by the way."

"Carol."

"You want to go someplace a little more quiet?"

"Sure."

I snuck a quick peek as we walked and noticed that Maria and Isobel were back at the table with Kim, but they weren't looking in our direction. Gwen led me to a door with a bouncer in front of it. They exchanged nods and the bouncer opened the door, revealing a staircase going up. The room at the top had a bar on the right wall and three sets of couches and stuffed chairs around small tables. Two women occupied only one of them. To the left there was a wall-to-wall window looking down on the rest of the club. We sat near the window, but the blaring music was barely audible. After a waitress came up and took our drink orders I asked, "Who do you have to know to get up here?"

"It's not who you know," Gwen said, "but what you have." Great, she was a rich girl. How long would she want to be with me when she found out I was dirt poor? Under the table I felt her bare leg slide up and take residence against mine. "So, this your first time in Rio?"

"Is it that obvious?"

"I've been here three years and I haven't seen you before tonight. Besides, I figure a sophisticated looking lady such as yourself would have made it up here before if this wasn't your first time."

I tried hard not to react to being called sophisticated. "Must be great. Living here, I mean."

Gwen shrugged. "It's okay. Like anything it loses it's shine after a while. How long are you here for?"

"Three weeks."

"Like your hotel?"

"Not staying at a hotel." I hesitated. "My family has a place." I mentioned the name of the street we were on.

Her eyes lit up a little. "Nice neighborhood."

"It's not who you know but what you have," I said. Gwen smiled. We chatted with small talk for a while as I acted up the rich girl role. I had to do some fast-talking, but luckily my writers' imagination and empathy were great tools. When I mentioned I wanted to be a writer she laughed and told me she was the author of several romantic fiction novels. That time I couldn't hold back my excitement. Gwen told me the titles of her books, none of which I'd heard of since I don't read romance stuff, and explained she had just finished doing research on her new book. I told her about some of my story ideas and characters and she said they were outstanding. When she told me she wanted to see some of my stuff and possibly give it to her publisher, I had to keep myself from screaming and lunging across the table to kiss her. This plan was turning out better than I could have imagined.

Gwen kept buying drinks and time seemed to melt away as we talked. At some point I came to the conclusion that her hair was dyed but I don't remember why it seemed important. What was important was that I hadn't felt this much joy in months. Sure, part of it was the alcohol and the fact that Gwen had a great personality, but most of it was the feeling that something new was starting and the old was shedding away. First, I had spent the past few months partying with guilt, knowing my grades were slipping and that my girlfriend was a black hole whose gravity I had fallen prey to. Then, when I finally decided to do something about it, I was saddled with the burden of having to break up with Kim. Most of that burden had come from guilt; Kim had always lent me money when I needed it, or actually when she needed me to have it. Kim would buy me drinks all night to keep me out partying with her.

So many times during the conversation I just wanted to lean across the table and kiss Gwen. The women at the other table had started kissing each other, and after seeing that I said to Gwen, "Let's go to my place." I liked being able to say that, so much so that I it didn't dawn on me until the cab was halfway there that if Kim were home my little ruse would be shattered. Of course that had been part of my plan, but now I didn't want to lose my connection to Gwen and the opportunity for my writing in the process.

Turns out my lucky streak for the night wasn't over, Kim and the girls must have stayed out for the night. Gwen complimented me on 'my place' and I went upstairs to get one of my stories while she mixed us some more drinks. When I came back downstairs there was some soft music playing on the stereo and Gwen was sitting on the couch. I handed her my story and she told me she'd read it tomorrow. Gwen handed me my drink and made a toast, "To the start of a successful career." She downed her drink in one shot and I followed suit. She took the glass from my hand and put them both on the table, then leaned over and kissed me.

The sex between Gwen and I was not slow and calculated like Kim and I have. It was raw, vicious, almost like an attack. This was completely opposite from the lady I'd met earlier. This sex wasn't like a moan, nor was it like a scream- it was more like a guttural cry. Savage. Primitive. She had my clothes off in mere seconds. I was positive I'd find a tear in them somewhere later. That made me angry so I tore off her clothes too. It only seemed to fuel her desire because she threw me down on the couch and sucked on my breast like a madwoman. Gwen took no time in working her way down to my pussy and her tongue was all over the place. I put my hands on her head as she licked and sucked me to an orgasm. When she was done she kissed down my leg until she got to my feet and sucked on my toes. She did the same to the toes on the other foot and kissed up that leg. She crawled on top of me and we embraced in a passionate kiss that seemed to last forever.

We got off the couch and lay on the floor as we continued to kiss and cuddle. Finally I got up on my knees and told her to lie still. I picked different parts of her body to lick and suck on for a minute at a time. First it was her neck, then the toes of her right foot, the hollow of her left shoulder, the underside of her left knee, her entire right side, her belly button, her face and finally I used my fingers to lightly play with her breasts. Turning around while I straddled her, my fingers danced in her hairy mound as her breaths became more audible and ragged. Gwen's legs spread open, exposing her pink beauty and inviting me to give her pleasure. I leaned down and dipped my tongue into her folds for a brief second, causing her legs in front of me to jerk in response. I did it again and again and finally covered her sex with my mouth, letting my lips slide towards the center until I gave it a kiss. Then I began licking in earnest, my fingers sliding into her slit and slowly pumping away. I found her clit and sucked on it until she gave a loud moan at the sign of her climax. As she lay on the floor catching her breath, I turned and lay in her arms, cuddling to her breast.

"That was great," she said after a few minutes. "You ready to have some fun?"

"Yeah, but let me get something first." I ran upstairs and grabbed the anal beads and the lube. When I came back downstairs Gwen was in the same position, so I handed them to her. "I want you to use these," I said. Gwen started lubing the beads as I straddled her body again. I looked out the patio door at the moon reflecting on the ocean, remembering how the unexpected invasion of the vibrator increased my pleasure. Suddenly I felt a slow pressure on my asshole. It was Gwen's finger, getting my hole ready. She worked it all the way in, moved in and out a few strokes, then pulled all the way out. I knew the beads were next.

"Ohhh," I cooed as I felt the first one go in. Soon she pushed the second one in, then the third. On the fourth one a wave of pleasure washed over me. Gwen teased me by tugging on the string a little.

"Don't you dare," I said. She laughed and started licking the globes of my ass from the outside inward until she reached the sensitive skin of my ass crack, where she gave a long slow lick all the way up the valley. Her hand reached under me and started fingering my pussy, rubbing all around until I was good and wet. Gwen put one, then two fingers inside of me, burying them all the way in. They moved around in there, causing little waves of pleasure to surge through me. She began pumping her fingers in and out of my cunt, building me up to a climax while her other hand gripped the string and pulled the beads out slowly, each one causing my hips to shudder.

My eyes stared out at the waves coming onto the beach, the water breaking onto shore and then sliding back, coming and going over and over again. An act of nature, peaceful and serene, filled my eyes as the rest of my body was in a violent overload of sensations. My orgasm struck as Gwen pulled out the last two beads, the combined sensations had me gritting my teeth while a deep growl came from my lungs. I finally let out a scream. My body, covered in sweat, fell onto Gwen's as I took air deep into my lungs trying to catch my breath.

Gwen said she'd get me something to drink. While she was gone I looked out at the ocean again and had the wildest urge to go swimming. I suggested it to Gwen when she came back, and she said maybe after we rested. Soon, I'd finished my drink, but I felt really wiped out from our fun and the two of us cuddled up on the couch. Suddenly I was too tired to worry about whether Kim walked in on us or I lost Gwen, and fell asleep before I decided which one I really wanted more.

When I woke up someone was shaking me. I had trouble opening my eyes, and when I did manage to open them, they had trouble focusing. Finally they showed me Kim standing over me with a look on her face I had expected to see- she was upset. She said something I couldn't make out and I groggily asked her to repeat it.

"We got robbed!" she yelled. I heard what she said that time but it still took me a minute to comprehend it. I was in a fog. Actually more than a fog, my mouth was dry and my tongue felt like it weighed a hundred pounds. I sat up slowly because it was the fastest speed I was capable of.

"Robbed?" I asked.

"The money I left in my room, some of my clothes, my PDA. And two paintings are gone too." She was really angry, her face was red and none of it was from sun.

"Fu...fuck."

Kim looked back at me and suddenly her anger was replaced with concern. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I said. I started to stand, but my legs were having none of it and Kim managed to grab me before I fell face first on the floor. She helped me into a chair. "I'm just...a little...hung over."

Kim put a hand to my face. "You sure? You're white as a ghost and you're skin's kinda cold."

Maria and Isobel came down from upstairs. Maria strode confidently, holding a carving knife in one hand and a bread knife in the other. Meanwhile, Isobel held this stubby little paring knife and her fearful eyes kept looking around. I would have laughed, but I was pretty sure laughing would have made me puke. "No one is here," Maria said. "Are you going to call the police?"

Kim hesitated for a moment, and then said, "Call an ambulance, right now."

"No, I'm fine," I said. "Where's Gwen?"

Kim looked at me. "Who's Gwen?"

"The girl I was with."

Kim became stern. "She was here?"

"No, there," I said as I pointed at the couch. It made perfect sense to me at the time.

The ambulance came and Kim insisted on riding with me to the hospital, holding my hand the entire way. She kept cursing Gwen, saying she was a thieving bitch and that she'd hunt her down and kill her for what she did to me. At the hospital the doctors pumped me full of fluids. They also tested my blood and found, along with plenty of pot and booze, a drug that is used to sedate people. When the police showed up I thought they were going to arrest me for using drugs, but all they did was ask me a hundred questions about Gwen. Turns out there had been a string of crimes involving an American woman who targeted rich people, both locals and tourists, by seducing them at a bar and getting them to take her home. Then she'd spike their drink with the drug and rob them of small but expensive items before they woke up. I was the first one to end up in the hospital. The doctors said some people have a bad reaction to the drug. The cops showed me a sketch of the suspect, which looked just like Gwen except her hair was darker.

Kim was by my side the whole time acting like a concerned mom, holding my hand, giving me little kisses and telling me she would take care of me. Kim's been sappy with me before, but never to this degree, and I remembered that she said she loved me, but now I was starting to get an idea how much. An ache started growing in my chest, nerves about what I intended to do and how hard it was going to be now. But I also remembered school and how important that was to me, and my parents, and how I didn't want to let any of us down. I decided that when Kim and I got back to the house I would do the deed before guilt hit the brakes again. It was at that moment that a thought hit me and I realized I had to check one thing before I went through with it. I was released after Kim paid my hospital bill with her credit card, adding more guilt to my conscience.

When we got back to the house I said, "I'm so sorry about all this, bringing that bitch back here."

"Don't worry about it. And don't worry about the paintings, all my dad's shit is insured."

"Yeah, but he'll be angry as hell."

"Not when his little girl lays it on thick," she said with a wink. "Now I want you to lie down on the couch."

"Actually, I'm going to lay in the bedroom. I need some sleep."

Even thought I could have done it myself, Kim insisted on helping me up to the bedroom and tucked me in. It surprised me how much this whole incident brought out the mothering instinct in her. But as soon as she was out the door I got up and went to the dresser. It was the something that dawned on me in the hospital, wondering how thorough Gwen's search was. I knew Kim left her money all over the place, so I couldn't be sure if Gwen just grabbed and ran.

Turns out it was thorough enough, my escape money was gone. So was the story I'd given Gwen. I sat on the bed and cried quietly, not wanting to bring Kim into the room. Just last night my dreams were within a moments reach, and I thought my life was about to change drastically. I should have remembered what my mom always told me about those get-rich-quick schemes on the infomercials, "Anything that comes so fast and easy exits the same way."

CHAPTER 8: ANNONYMOUS CLUB DRUG SEX

Throughout the following week I fell into an old pattern- going out with Kim and partying. Of course, I know now that getting drunk and stoned every night was my attempt to forget the disappointment and shame over my failed plan, as well as the guilt for what it further cost Kim. But that's the problem with hindsight- it's never there when you really need it. All that guilt was self-inflicted since Kim acted like I did no wrong. According to her, I was the victim more than anyone else and she blew off the fact that I'd cheated on her by saying it was a result of our argument and that we both acted badly that night. Part of me was uneasy about Kim's attitude toward the whole situation, but I since I felt so much guilt about what happened I was just thankful she wasn't angry.

Kim was also happy that I was finally loosening up and having a good time. She had no idea I was trying to numb myself and forget my predicament. We spent our days on the beach, the exhibitionist in me getting the most out of it, and the nights going out to clubs and dancing, usually ending up with Maria and Isobel in our bed. But like anything that was too good it had to come crashing to an end, and it started the night we were at a club with Maria and Isobel. We ran into a group of their friends. There were these two girls who, when Isobel introduced us, I immediately forgot their names for some reason. I figured I'd ask again later.

Kim was at the DJ booth, trying to get the guy to play a KMFDM CD she'd brought with her. The two girls whose names I couldn't remember were going to the dance floor and asked me to come. They said if Kim got the DJ to play the song they wouldn't know how to dance to it, since it wasn't their type of music, and wanted me to teach them. I rarely dance to club music, but I was stoned and on my third drink by that point, so I easily agreed. On the dance floor the two girls were grinding up on either side of me. The bass of the music felt like it was going straight through me, like I was a part of it, my heart synchronized with the rhythm. Suddenly I noticed the people around us were no longer dancing, apparently our antics had attracted attention and the people on the dance floor simply stood around us in a large circle to watch. The girl in front of me rubbed her breasts against mine, and the girl behind me ground her crotch into my ass. I was so high on the moment, enjoying the way these girls were dancing with me and turning me on. All the people watching us just seemed to add fuel to my fire, the exhibitionist in me coming out again.

The girl in front of me grabbed my head and kissed me. As I felt her tongue collide with mine, the crowd erupted in cheers and yelling encouragement. I felt something else enter my mouth, small and hard like a pill. Suddenly the object was at the back of my throat and, fearing that I might choke on it, swallowed. The girl ended the kiss and stared at me with a big grin on her face.

"What the hell was that?" I asked.

"A little surprise," she said as she started to dance again. My naughty side was in command those days, so I didn't worry too much. Not that it would have mattered if I did, I'd already swallowed the thing. The girl behind me put her arms around me and slid them down until her hands were at my crotch, her fingers pressed down and I felt a jolt. I didn't know if the crowd could see what was happening with the other girl standing in front of me or if my face gave it away, but another round of cheers, louder than the first time, erupted in the room. I pressed myself back into her body, feeling her large breasts against my back and she pushed her crotch into my ass. We must have gone too far for somebody because a pair of bouncers came through the crowd and asked us to break it up. We separated from each other and just started dancing, and the crowd started dancing again as well. A few guys came over and started trying to dance with us, so we decided to leave the floor and grab some drinks at the bar.

We found Kim talking with a few other people at a table. Her attempts with the DJ had failed because "they didn't play that type of music here". It didn't surprise me when she explained her next plan was to offer to let him watch us kiss if he would play it. When Kim wanted something, 'no' was not in her vocabulary. I told her about the dance floor and we laughed our asses off.

Right after that I started to feel it. Not exactly like feeling lightheaded, more like I could feel everything and nothing at the same time but I had no control over which at any given moment. Ah, fuck it. Putting the physical sensation of tripping into words is impossible (at least I assume that's what I was doing, I never really found out what I took). But describing what I saw defiantly isn't. Looking around, all the light seemed to have shadows and even people did too, but they were colored shadows following behind them. Afterwards I realized the shadows were the color of their shirts and I was seeing trails.

Everything after that happened in some kind of heightened reality. I needed to ask that girl what she gave me, but when I looked around the table I realized she and her friend were gone. Somehow logic was still present in my brain and I thought they must have made a trip to the bathroom, so I got up.

"Hey, slutknocker, where are you going?" Kim asked.

"Hunting for clues." I responded. I didn't even think to ask Kim if she knew where the girls had gone. The walk around the dance floor seemed like a slow motion adventure, and even now I still remember some of the faces I saw on my way. Some guy complimented me on my performance; it wasn't until the next day I realized he was talking about my ménages e trios on the dance floor. I just said "Thanks, whatever," as I walked away. I don't know if he heard me.

Walking into the bathroom was like walking into a vacuum. The loud music and people talking were reduced to a muffle through the wall. And no more color trails because this room was a bright antiseptic white, the lighting made the walls and the floor almost glow. It was the brightest bathroom I'd ever been in. I had to stand there for a second just to get oriented. This is what Heaven must be like, I thought. Then where is God? Had to be in one of the stalls. The first two were empty. The third was locked so I knocked.

"What?!" The voice was heavily accented European.

"Are you God?"

"Fuck off."

I thought for a moment, maybe closer to a minute. Then it hit me. "Are you the girl that kissed me on the dance floor and gave me drugs?"

"I don't fucking kiss girls."

"Oh my God."

Those words didn't come from me, I heard them out of the last stall and they were followed by a giggle - a very cute giggle. So I went down there and knocked. The door opened and the most stunning Asian girl sat on the toilet. She wore a tube-top and a pair of shorts that I'm sure looked better on her hips than her ankles where they currently resided. She had long hair, dark exotic eyes and a diamond stud in her nose. She was so beautiful that I just stood and stared. This had to be Heaven, because this girl was an angel. She smiled back at my stare.

"Holy shit," she said in perfect English, via Southern California, "you're that girl from the dance floor." My witty response was to continue staring. She giggled again and said, "Sorry, I'm not God."

"I want to eat your pussy," came out of my mouth without my internal censor even looking at it. Who am I kidding - my internal censor was off to the moon with the rest of my brain functions. The Asian girl's eyes widened with surprise, and then settled back into place as a smile that was part wicked and part innocent crossed her face. She nodded, so I entered and closed the door behind me.

"I've never-" she started, but I cut her off by putting a finger to her lips. "Shhhh," I said as I smiled. I took the finger away from her lips.

"Hold on a minute," she said and grabbed some toilet paper to wipe between her legs. When she was done she took her feet out of her slides and shook out of her shorts. She put one leg over the toilet paper rack and braced her other leg against the door. Her hands spread open her flower and she looked up at me with a smile.

"Go for it," she said. I got on my knees and put my tongue to work. She tasted bitter but not pungent. I licked all around as she began to moan and groan. No idea how long I went at it or if I was even doing it well, but I knew I was having a good time. I remember teasing her clit to the point where she begged, or maybe yelled angrily, for me to suck on it. I did so and pressed my finger inside of her. She was actually pretty tight, so I left it at one finger and pumped in and out as I sucked her clit. The Asian girl put her hands on my head as her body shook and I licked up her cream as it came. The girl was breathing heavy and she laid back, her head resting on the wall.

A strange feeling washed over me. My body felt numb and I felt like I couldn't breathe. This place was too quiet, too sterile, and too empty. For a moment I wondered if I had really died. Like a wave crashing over me, the urge to get out of there struck with overwhelming force. I stood, said "Thanks," and slipped out of the stall. Two girls were standing near the sinks whispering. I avoided their gaze as I walked briskly to the door.

Outside the bathroom I was blasted by the music again, the smoke and the lights, the people gyrating on the dance floor. It was great. I knew I was alive. Suddenly I realized it was KMFDM that was playing.

"Kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!" I screamed in joy and jumped into the crowd on the dance floor and danced like I never had before. The music was pulsing through my body and I felt like pure happiness was coursing through my veins. A hand grabbed my arm and I saw it belonged to the girl whose name I couldn't remember, standing next to her was her friend whose name I also couldn't remember.

"How do you like it?" she asked.

"It's fucking great!" I yelled. They started dancing with me and at one point I grabbed both their heads and pulled them into a three-way kiss. Soon after, the three of us left the club together, and that was the last thing I remembered.

CHAPTER 9: IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS YOU DON'T REMEMBER

Suddenly there was water. It smelled like salt water- hitting me in the face, swirling around my neck, slapping against my breasts and stomach, tickling my pubic hairs, sliding over my legs and foaming between my toes. I coughed, sputtered and gasped for air as I pushed myself up from the sand. Then there was light, not a bright light, but brighter than the darkness behind my closed eyes. I opened them, but they couldn't focus immediately. It actually took me a minute to realize I was cold. I could finally see that the sun hadn't completely come up yet, half the sky was lighted by the dawn as last night's darkness retreated over the other half. And there I was lying naked on the beach. I looked around and saw that no one was with me, and my clothes were equally absent. The only thing I was wearing was body jewelry.

When I crawled up the sand to escape the waves of high tide I felt a sharp pain on my waist, just above and to the left of my crotch. I went to grab at it and felt material other than my skin. There was a bandage there. It was small, about two inches square. A dozen questions filled my mind. Who did this to me? Or did I do this to myself? Where did I get bandaged up? Where the hell are my clothes? And how the hell did I get here? Part of me wanted to pull off the bandage and see what was under there but part of me was afraid to face the answers to any of those questions.

The decision to leave came with the noise of people from somewhere behind me. I was stark naked in a public place. As much as it would have normally turned me on, I had no idea how I got there and I was worried about what was under the bandage. My head felt like there was nothing in it, but I managed to stand up and started walking. Looking around, I recognized some of the houses and realized I wasn't far from the Ross house. Hugging myself with my arms against the cold, I could feel my nipples were rock hard from the wind coming off the ocean.

There was a part of me that felt like crying. I'd hit rock bottom. I came here to get rid of a problem and it had only gotten worse. Now I was waking up in strange places without my clothes after getting so fucked up that I couldn't remember how any of it had happened. Even worse, apparently now I had damaged myself. I looked out towards the ocean, then back towards land. There were a few people in the windows of their houses and I passed by some early morning walkers who stared. I remember hoping this didn't take the pleasure of exhibitionism away from me. The pain on my waist was still there when I walked into the Ross house. Kim was sleeping on the couch. I shook her awake, her eyes widened when she saw me.

"Oh my God! Where the hell have you been?"

"Body surfing. I need you to look at something for me."

We went into the bedroom as Kim told me how she had looked all over the club for me. Finally she came home in case I was here. She also told me she finally got the DJ to play KMFDM by kissing first Maria and then Isobel when the guy got greedy. I lay down on the bed and pointed to the bandage.

"What the hell happened?"

"Just pull it off and tell me how bad it is."

Kim peeled off the bandage. "Holly shit!" she said.

"Oh my God, is it that bad?"

Kim looked up at me, then back down at my waist. I had a hard time reading her look.

"What?" I looked down and saw a black mark on my skin, and at first I thought it was a burn. But looking at it I realized it was a design.

"You got a tattoo," she said.

I looked at it closer. "What is it?"

"I don't know. It looks like it's one of those Chinese characters."

"What does it mean?"

"It means you got a tattoo without me." Kim climbed off the bed and walked out of the room without another word. No outburst. It was more unsettling than if she had screamed and lost her temper. I felt this huge horrible feeling wash over me. I realized it was guilt.

Kim and I had talked about getting tattoos together. Not that we were planning on getting the same one, but we did promise we would share our first together. It had to do with experiencing something together that would last forever. I remembered, before I started planning the break up, how much I was looking forward to getting a tattoo and how special it would be getting it with her. That was why I understood how hurt she was at that moment. That's why, even though this was a perfect chance to break up with her, I followed with the intention of begging forgiveness.

I found Kim sitting on the couch in the living room, doing a line of coke. I sat down in the chair across from her.

"I don't even remember getting it," I said.

"That's not the point." Kim snorted another line.

"Then what is the point?
"You went off on your own and had fun without me."

Suddenly I remembered my purpose here and stood up. "Well boo fucking hoo. Afraid someone might actually have fun without you?"

Kim stood and yelled "I thought you liked being with me!"

"It doesn't mean we have to be attached at the hip the whole fucking time."

That seemed to throw her. She stood there silent for a moment. "Fine!" Kim said. She stormed out the back glass door onto the patio. I put my head in my hands for a minute. At first I was thinking this was not turning out like I had wanted, but then I realized it was exactly what I needed. It's hard hurting someone, even if it is necessary. And hurting someone you care about is even harder.

That's when I understood why this was all so hard for me on the inside- I really did have feelings for Kim. If the situation was different, like if she wasn't such a party animal or a very high GPA didn't matter, I'd probably be happy as hell about being her girlfriend. But the situation is what it is and I can only change what I have control over. Of course, that kind of logic is no consolation when romantic emotions are involved.

I went to the bedroom and crashed on the bed. When I woke up it was five hours later and I felt energized. While showering I noticed my tattoo again, and my mind was plagued about what this symbol meant. I was so fucked up I didn't even remember getting it, that made me worry about its meaning even more. I got dressed and decided I'd go into town and find the tattoo parlor I went to. When I went downstairs I called out for Kim and there was no response. She wasn't on the patio either. I found the note in the kitchen, it read-

Carol,

Going out to have my own fun. At least I'm letting you know so you wouldn't worry. Or do you even care?

Kim

I got angry because she was throwing her fit on a piece of paper. Suddenly I wasn't worried about hurting her as much as I was that morning, especially because I had something else to worry about. I called a taxi, and on the way into town I asked the driver if he happened to know Chinese. English, Portuguese and some French, but no Chinese. My mind raced with all the questions about last night and the worst answers to them. Had I even wanted to go get a tattoo? Did those girls pull some horrible trick on me? Was I even conscious? Or did they get me marked, steal my clothes and dump me on the beach? All the unanswered questions were having a physical affect on me because my stomach was hurting.

The first two tattoo parlors were small places that had very few Chinese symbols. A guy at the second place told me about a tattoo artist who'd lived abroad for a while and brought lots of designs back, many of them Chinese symbols. I went there and knew I'd found what I was looking for when I walked through the door and the guy recognized me.

"You're...Carol, right?" he said in the most perfect English I'd heard from a local so far.

"You know me?"

He smiled. "I gave you your tattoo, didn't I?" I didn't respond. Suddenly the smile made an exit and his face grew concerned. "Jesus, you don't remember, do you?" He held up his hands. "Hey, I asked all three of you ladies if you were sober and you said yes. No refunds either."

"I don't want a refund and I'm not going to cause you any trouble," I said. "I just want to know what the symbol means."

The smile came back and he gave a warm, hearty laugh as he walked from behind the counter. "Sorry, I just can't believe you don't remember, especially after all the time it took you to choose. I was done with your two friends and you still hadn't decided." He stopped next to a poster board full of Chinese symbols. "But when you saw this one you got so excited I thought I was going to have to strap you down while I worked." He pointed to an exact replica of what was marked on my flesh. Underneath it were two lines, one in Portuguese and the other in English, giving its meaning. It read: "To Like Women".

I gasped and felt elation. Gone was the worry of what I'd done to myself. This was the coolest thing I could have ever imagined getting as a tattoo. The shop owner burst out in laughter. "I don't believe it!" he said. "That was the same look you had last night when you saw it!" When he finished laughing he walked back behind the counter and looked at me. "That must be something, to find that kind of happiness, forget you had it and find it all over again." He shook his head and laughed again. "And I got to see it both times. I love this fucking job."

CHAPTER 10: THE THINGS YOU NEVER SEE COMING

Before I went back to the house I stopped at a store and picked up a notebook and some pens. The good feeling I had from my tattoo discovery fueled a desire to get back on track, and I was determined to let nothing stop me this time. Kim was still out, so I sat at the dining room table and started writing. It just poured out of me, everything that had happened over the past week, my last few months at school and how I'd slid down from what I had a year ago. Everything I remembered, everything I could remember feeling at the moment and what I thought about it in hindsight. I couldn't write fast enough, and I had to stop twice just to calm myself down so I could keep going. It was the same rush I'd felt when writing before I met Kim, but there was still something different about it. I would later realize that I'd finally let go, because there were no inhibitions that had kept me from truly opening up even when I wrote regularly.

When I read what I'd written I felt so exposed, yet instead of feeling apprehension I felt a surge of excitement from the core of my being. It was like my naughty side and my rational side finally agreed on something. I wanted to treat myself, so I went upstairs and ran a bubble bath. I played a CD of Mazzy Star, which always makes me feel relaxed.

Lying in the tub, I couldn't remember the last time I'd felt that relaxed. It was hard to believe how accustomed I'd become to the tension in my body. I slid down until my head was totally immersed. When I came back up, pushed my hair back and opened my eyes, I imagined I was being reborn. A new Carol Hitchcock. No more guilt. No more regret. Hit the reset button and try again. I suddenly felt like I was floating.

The idea of a new start made me excited, and something about that made me horny. My hands slowly ran up and down my torso, creating a tingling sensation all over my skin. I stopped at my breasts and caressed the globes with my hands, then lightly brushed at the sensitive skin with my fingertips. I took both nipples and rolled them between my fingers, soon after I began to lightly pinch and pull at them. Finally I scratched lightly at the hard nubs of flesh, teasing them to the point where they started to ache.

My hands slid down to my hips and rubbed around the area where my crotch and my legs meet. The anticipation began to build throughout my body. I spread my legs and took a deep breath. The feeling of my fingers touching my outer lips made me exhale. Rubbing up and down, I lifted my left leg and put it over the side of the tub for better access. Teasing the inner lips with the tips of my fingers. Running one digit all the way down my slit and back up again. I repeated that several times. My breathing became slow and deep. I closed my eyes, crooked my right index finger and gasped as I slid it inside. Pushing it in as far as it could go. Out again. In again. Slowly building. Out again. In again. Out again. Bracing my right foot against the end of the tub. In again. Out again. Faster now. Building momentum, my thumb occasionally stroking against my clit. It became harder to breathe slow and deep. My left hand went to my breast and rolled the nipple between my fingers. Short moans escaped my mouth with each thrust. I had a rhythm going. My clit became my thumb's full time job. I pinched the nipple. Slow and deep went out the window. My upper body rocked back and forth slightly. I clench my buttocks. My left hand abandoned my breast, fired my thumb and went to work on my clit. The change caused a quick cry from my mouth. My back lifted off of the wall of the tub. I exploded.

Slowly I returned to Mother Earth. After a minute I was able to control my breathing again. My eyes opened. The elation and excitement about what I had accomplished with my writing returned. I could feel the smile grow on my face. And that's when I suddenly had an epiphany, an understanding about what writing was. I had taken all my life experiences over the past few months, the good, the bad and especially the ugly, and turned them into something that I now felt good about. Writing helped me to understand some of it, gave another part of it perspective, but on a whole allowed me to put it all behind me. That was why I felt reborn. That was why I suddenly allowed myself to feel joy.

That joy lasted up until the moment I went downstairs and found Kim sitting at the dining table, reading what I had written. I'd forgotten to put it away. When she looked up at me her face held both anger and sadness. She held up the notebook.

"Is this what you really think about me?"

I stood there unsure of what to say. Being on a natural high, then walking into such a bad situation caught me off guard. She threw the notebook and it hit the wall to the left of me.

"Is it?!" she yelled. "After all I've done for you?"

It was like she'd thrown a match into a pan of grease, suddenly rage blossomed throughout my entire body. I yelled, "Because of you I nearly lost the money that's keeping me in school! Because of you I've completely lost touch with my dreams! Everything you've done for me?!!" I turned and went upstairs, pulled out my suitcase and started packing. Kim was suddenly in the doorway, her face had softened and there were tears in her eyes.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to crash at Maria's place until our flight."

"Carol, I'm sorry, I didn't know you were having trouble with your grades."

"Oh bullshit! How many times did I tell you that I needed to study or do homework? You just didn't want to hear it! As usual, all you think about is yourself. We're over, so that should give you plenty of extra time to think about you."

Kim walked up behind me as I was zipping up my bag. I picked it up and turned to face her.

"Just give me another chance, please."

I stared at her and for a moment I almost faltered again, almost gave into her. Then I realized this was just another ploy, like the blackmail on the beach. Thinking about how she pulled shit like that made me angry. "I can't afford to take anymore chances Kim," I said, "especially with you."

That really hit her. Kim's face went tight and her lower lip quivered. "Is being with me that bad?" she asked.

"Kim," I said, "you're the worst thing that's ever happened to me." I said it with such hardness in my voice that hearing those words even chilled me to the bone.

At that second I could swear I saw those piercing blue eyes dim for a moment. "You..." was all she got out before she ran into the bathroom and shut the door. I just breathed a sigh of relief as I realized I'd finally done it, I'd broken free of her.

When I got downstairs I picked up my notebook and looked at it. Remembering the joy and excitement I'd felt when I was writing, I put it in my bag confident that this was the start of something new. I was about to pick up the phone to call a cab when it rang. I almost decided to let it go, but picked it up at the last second. "Hello?"

"Carol?" It was Mrs. Ross. "How are you?"

"I'm good, I..." No, I couldn't lie. She'd been so nice to me. I wanted to tell her goodbye. "Kim and I are breaking up Mrs. Ross."

"Oh no! Why? Did she cheat on you?"

"It was nothing like that." An image of Gwen popped into my head and I pushed it out quickly. "I just...need some time away from her."

There was a short pause, and then she said, "Carol, I know my daughter can be a handful, but you mean a lot to her. She's told me that you're the one thing that keeps her together, that you're the only thing that's ever mattered to her. I have a feeling she hasn't exactly expressed these things to you very directly, but I hope they'll have some bearing on your decision."

I'd never really thought about it, but Kim throwing all that money my way was how she expressed her feelings. Probably something that came from being raised rich. But it was too late now. "This isn't easy for me, Mrs. Ross, but it's what I need to do. Kim parties too much and if I stay with her, my grades will drop and I'll lose my scholarships. I literally can't afford that."

There was another pause, longer this time, and I wondered if I'd made Mrs. Ross angry. "Listen Carol," her voice was different, more serious and a little tight. "If money is a problem, it's one I can solve." Another pause. "I'll give you ten thousand dollars if you stay with Kim."

Shock is too mild a word to describe what I felt at that moment. "Mrs. Ross, I...I'm not sure what to say."

"Then don't say anything and just listen." There was a stern, controlling edge to her voice. "There's a lot of opportunity here, Carol. I'm not sure if Kim has told you, but Mr. Ross and I are about to divorce. A lot of money is at stake and my daughter has some power as to which way it goes. How that turns out can be beneficial to you as well."

I couldn't believe I was hearing this, much less from a woman I'd imagined as the ideal mom. I swallowed hard. "What are you saying?" I asked. I'm not dense; I just wanted to hear her say it so I could confirm that I was the worst judge of character alive.

"Don't play coy with me, Carol," Mrs. Ross said impatiently, "You're the first person I've ever seen make Kim so happy. That means you have influence over her. The ten thousand is for staying with Kim and keeping me up to date on which way she's leaning." She stopped and I could hear her take a breath, "And I'll go up to twenty thousand if you can make sure she's on my side."

There really must have been a lot of money at stake for her to be throwing around those numbers and taking a chance I'd go for it. But Mrs. Ross was betting that this poor farm girl from Kentucky couldn't resist the kind of money she's only heard about, and anyone who knows me would most likely say it's a safe bet. People talk about what they would and wouldn't do for money, and usually how noble they'd be no matter how much was on the table. But most of the time that's just talk, because no one really knows how they'll react when that money is actually within reach.

"Well?" she asked. "What do you have to say?"

"Mrs. Ross.." I said. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, looking deep within myself, trying to find something that I needed to know was there. Somewhere past my mind, my heart, and maybe even my soul, I managed to find it, and opened my eyes and said what I had to. "Go fuck yourself."

And with that I quickly slammed down the phone. I did it quickly because there was still a part of me thinking about how twenty thousand dollars would solve all my problems. But I also knew that it would cause a regret I would never get over, and I was through making those kinds of easy mistakes.

While I stood there in shock over what just happened, I thought about Kim, and many things about her behavior came into focus. The way she treated her parents, why she acted the way she did, her desire to get fucked up all the time. Why didn't she tell me? Now I understood why she expressed her love for me the way she did, but why not share her problems with me? Especially when, as Mrs. Ross said, I'm the only thing keeping her togeth-

I'm leaving her.

The bathroom.

A tub.

Oh fuck!

I ran for the stairs and bounded up them two at a time, which was a big mistake because halfway up my foot missed one and I fell flat. My head slammed into the edge of a stair, which might have killed me if it hadn't been carpeted. But pain shot through my head so bad that I felt like I had to fight to remain conscious. I managed to get on my hands and knees and took some deep breaths.

Through the pain there was a voice in my head screaming "GET UP THERE YOU STUPID BITCH!" I crawled up the stairs on my hands and knees until I got to the top, where I attempted standing. Luckily I grabbed the wall when my knees tried to buckle on me. Using it for support, I slid along as I walked to the bedroom door. Once there I managed to stand on my own two feet and carefully walked to the bathroom door.

I could hear KMFDM's 'Anarchy' playing inside. My hand rested on the doorknob but I hesitated. I heard the lyric about blood and it reminded me of what I was probably about to walk into. At that moment I realized how much I really cared about Kim. Despite all the bullshit and how she acted, deep down I could really say that I loved her and mean it. A fine time to realize this, I know, but that's how it is with the things you never see coming.

I turned the knob, hoping that this didn't all come too late.

CHAPTER 11: THE WAY WE WERE

I woke up that morning thanks to the sun blasting through the window. That was odd because usually I close the drapes before I go to bed. My eyes opened before my brain could communicate what a horrible idea that truly was. It felt like someone stuck hot pokers into my sockets and they burrowed into the back of my brain. My hand reached out, took a pen from my nightstand and threw it at nature’s invading force. The pen might be mightier than the sword, but unfortunately it can’t do shit against sunlight. When my hand landed back on the bed it touched skin.

Not my skin.

My eyes flew open and my head popped up to see a mess of blonde hair on the pillow next to mine. There was the quickest moment of uncertainty. Oh yeah, the club last night. The girl determined to get the DJ to play KMFDM. Katie. No, Kelly. Kerrie. Kim, that’s it. It surprised me that I’d forgotten, but then I remembered how much I drank. More than I ever had before. I was never a big drinker, and always prevented myself from going overboard by bringing only twenty dollars with me whenever I went to a bar or a club.

But this Kim kept buying us rounds. I had one of those hangovers where part of you is still a little drunk. Yet it didn’t hurt so much looking at that mess of blonde hair, the emotions from last night coming back. That excitement you feel when meeting someone new, the electricity in the air when you realize you’re not the only one feeling the attraction, the anticipation of that first kiss.

That first kiss happened in the parking lot. The club was closing and I told Kim I’d walk her to her car. We exchanged numbers and arrived at that awkward moment when you either both say goodnight and walk off or you take a chance. As usual, the little war in my head between the two sides was fighting a battle. The rational side was telling me to walk away because it was too soon for a kiss, while the naughty side said to go for it for obvious reasons.

“Having a hard time there?” Kim asked.

“Um, what?”

“I can see it on your face,” she said. “You can’t decide what to do right now, can you?”

Oh shit, I thought. Was I that obvious? Have I always been that obvious? Has everyone always been able to see my indecision? Or does this girl have some kind of psychic ability? That would suck, dating a psychic. How could you plan any surprises? Or lie to her when she asks if you were checking out another girl? Hell, she wouldn’t even have to ask, she’d already know. That would really suck. And why the hell was I rambling on in my head like this?

“Uh 3;” I said. While that may sound like part of some brilliant strategy to stall for time to think, it was really because I was drunk, embarrassed, caught off guard and scared. Not an ideal combination. I managed to save myself somewhat by looking down at the ground and saying, “yeah, I think so.”

Kim burst out in laughter. I stood there feeling self-conscious. When she finished laughing, Kim looked up at me and said, “Tell you what, I’ll decide for you.” And with that she put her hand on my cheek, leaned in and kissed me. It was a light kiss, using just lips at first, but soon our tongues wanted to play and we let them have at it. I put my arms around her and held her tight, pinning her upper arms to her body. Kim managed to put her hands on my waist. She started sucking on my tongue, and I loosened my grip on her upper body. My hands slid down to her ass and squeezed her jean-covered cheeks, making her moan in my mouth. We slowly broke the kiss, and for a moment just stood staring at each other.

“Ahem.”

We were both so preoccupied we didn’t notice we had an audience. A car had pulled up beside us and my roommate was sitting in the passenger seat. “Sorry to interrupt, but I’ve got to work in the morning. We need to get going.”

I was going to say I’d be there in just a minute, but suddenly I heard, “I’ll take her home.” I turned and Kim was smiling. “If that’s okay?”

Before the car took off my roommate smiled and said, “Good luck.”

A little while later I was depending on that good luck. Kim was racing down the road with the top down and the music blasting. At first I was excited because I’d never been in a convertible before. But when Kim started making the engine perform like what it was made for, I suddenly realized how open and vulnerable a convertible made you. My body cowered down in the seat a little and I braced my left hand against the dashboard while my right held tight onto the door. Kim laughed at my reaction. I was positive she was well above the legal limit, both in alcohol and speed. All I kept thinking was seat belts or not, if she crashes we are so dead.

I knew we were at my place when Kim said “You can open your eyes now.” I did and actually breathed a sigh of relief. “So how was your first ride in a convertible?” she asked.

With a cracked voice I said, “I’ll never forget it.”

Kim laughed again. “You are so cute when you’re freaked out.”

We went up to my apartment and sat on the couch. I turned on a local radio station and kept it low even though my roommate’s bedroom was on the other side of the apartment, and then I went to the kitchen to get us something to drink. When I came back Kim had taken off her shoes and was sitting with her back against the arm of the couch, so I took up the same position on the other side. She brought her knees to her chest and her feet were facing me. While we sat there and talked I took in her beautiful face, the cute button nose and those piercing blue eyes. But my attention kept getting drawn down to those beautiful feet. They were perfectly formed, with toes that were thin but still had a good shape to them. At first I thought her toenails didn’t have any polish, but then I noticed they were coated with a clear gloss. I can usually manage to check out a girl’s feet and not get caught, but my eyes couldn’t resist the toe ring on her left index toe. It wasn’t one of those thin toe rings that you have to give a second glance just to see if it’s there, this was a thick one that screamed ‘Look at me!’

While I was never big into body jewelry, foot jewelry always gained a little extra stare from me, and that combined with feet as beautiful as Kim’s had me working hard not to be obvious. But it became hopeless when she pulled up the legs of her jeans to get more comfortable and exposed the gold chain around her right ankle. I kept up the conversation, but a couple of minutes later Kim interrupted me, asking, “What are you looking at?”

“I was just noticing your jewelry there,” I said, hoping to cover.

“Noticing? You were pretty much speaking to them instead of me.”

“Sorry,” I said, “they’re just nicer than other one’s I’ve seen.” It was a lie, but I had to try something.

Kim’s eyes narrowed as she looked at me. “You have a foot thing, don’t you?”

That’s it- she was psychic. The girl could read me like an open book. At that point I was convinced this was going nowhere. She had noticed every weakness and strange behavior I have. Figuring I may as well own up to this one too, I swallowed hard and said “Kinda.”

“What do you like to do to them?” she asked.

That caught me off guard. “I, I’ve never really done too much before.”

Kim looked at me for a second with this grin on her face. Then she lifted her left foot and extended it towards me. “Go ahead,” she said. It felt strange and exciting all at once. Strange because I couldn’t believe this girl who I just met was indulging me with one of my fantasies. Exciting because I never really had the guts to try anything with a girl’s foot before and now I had permission. I cupped the bottom of her foot with my right hand so she didn’t have to hold it up. With my left hand I started stroking up and down, my fingers along the arch and my thumb on the bottom. I used some pressure with the thumb so as not to tickle her.

I was a little hesitant to use my mouth, but when I looked at the toe ring my embarrassment was overcome by desire, so I opened my mouth and leaned down. Capturing her big and index toes, I sucked lightly at first and slid my tongue left to right under them. I heard a soft moan from Kim, so I gradually increased the pressure. Looking at her feet when we were talking I thought I was as turned on as I could be, but this brought it to a whole other level. I could feel myself starting to get wet. The sensations of the toe ring against my mouth added something as well, reminding me that I was only admiring it minutes ago and now I had it in my mouth.

I looked at Kim to see if this was freaking her out, but she had a thrilled look in her eyes and a smile on her face. My mouth let go of her first two toes and I started sucking on the last three. This time I started moving my head up and down a little.

“Mmmmmmm,” was Kim’s vocal response. I let my lips roll over the toes as I pulled away. Holding up her foot a little higher I extended my tongue and licked the bottom, just at the base of the toes first, then in little sections going down towards the heel. The first time I tickled her she laughed and yanked her foot away. I was afraid that she was going to stop it there, but she just said, “You can’t stop making me laugh tonight,” and put her foot back in my hand. As I continued licking I realized what she said was true. I was worried because Kim was seeing all the things I was self-conscious about, but she had been laughing at them. And not a malicious laugh, but a sweet one that made me realize she saw those things as endearing.

When I got to the heel of her foot I looked up at Kim. She took her foot back and put it on the couch. I was about to say thanks when she picked up the other one and extended it towards me. “Can’t let this one feel left out, can we?” I liked this girl.

I took her right foot in my hands and decided to do something different. I started by using my tongue to lick each toe individually, front, back and around the sides. Kim occasionally flexed and curled her toes as I did this. I looked up and saw that she was leaning back, her eyes closed and her mouth open, her hands playing with her breasts through her top. I took this to mean she was enjoying my treatment and gave myself a mental pat on the back.

“I have never seen someone get off on feet like you do,” Kim said. That made me think about how turned on I was at the moment, how wet I was. I decided to be bold and do something about it. My right hand went to my skirt and pulled it back a little. Reaching underneath, I felt the wet spot against my panties and got an electric jolt when I pressed against them. I started rubbing the area and gave a little moan as I got off on the dual sensations of licking a girl’s toes and playing with myself.

Suddenly I felt something on my hand. It was Kim’s left foot. I looked up and saw she had opened her eyes and was propped up with her elbows behind the couch arm. “Why don’t you let me do that,” she said. I smiled and moved my hand away, letting her foot take over.

“Mmmm,” escaped my lips as I felt her toes press against my pussy. She used the ball of her foot a little too. I sucked on the side of her instep, going up and down with my mouth. Kim told me to stop for a moment and pulled her foot from between my legs. Using both arms she pulled her top over her head and tossed it on my coffee table. Her exposed breasts gave me another jolt of excitement, but I would have to wait to get at them. We went back to our little three-way pleasure pyramid. Kim was getting pleasure by playing with her breasts, I was getting wetter and wetter with her foot job, and I know we were both getting something from my sucking her foot. I took to licking her ankle, my tongue going over the skin and anklet at the same time. I’m not sure how long we continued on, just that I could feel my orgasm building, ironically enough, from my toes. I started sucking hers when I was about to go over the edge. Kim was using her big toe, curling it up and down against my lips. As I came I moaned with her toes in my mouth. When I was finished, Kim lay back on the couch and motioned me to join her. We held each other in this serene, quiet moment where I could feel my heart pumping in my chest.

“That was so weird and so wild at the same time,” Kim said, echoing my earlier thoughts.

We cuddled for a while as Kim stroked my hair. Looking into those eyes of hers I felt like they were staring right into my soul. I leaned in and lightly kissed her on the lips, keeping my mouth right next to hers afterwards. We stayed in that position for a moment and I realized that all my fear was gone, drowned in this moment of bliss. And I knew it was because of Kim. Something about this girl quieted the war inside my head. I leaned in again and this time kissed her with more feeling, more passion. Our open mouths danced together as my tongue felt the warm softness of hers. We tightened our embrace, our mouths let go and we showered each other with little kisses. I tasted the slightly bitter tang of dried saliva on skin. It was like an aphrodisiac that made me even more abandoned as my tongue went in after hers again. My hand went down to find her bare breast and squeezed it, making her moan in appreciation. I pulled away from Kim and with fire in my voice I said, “Let’s go to my bedroom.”

When we got in there we started kissing again as I guided Kim towards the bed. We fell onto it as our kiss continued, she managed to undo the strings for my top and pulled it off without breaking our bond. Her fingers danced on my globes, driving my already escaped naughty side crazy. I pulled away and told her to stay there as I went into one of my drawers and came out with a scarf. I climbed on top of Kim and told her to trust me as I took her hands and tied them up. I brought her hands over her head and tied the other end to the bed frame.

For a brief second I felt trepidation, but all I had to do was look at Kim and it went away. My mouth started with her neck and made its way down to her breasts. I licked the valley between them, and then gave light kisses all over each of her tits. The last kiss I gave was on her right nipple, which I sucked between my lips as my other hand fondled her left breast. I had only done this a few times before, but I was getting high off of being able to touch and lick someone else’s skin.

It was while I was doing this that I got my first exposure to Kim’s sweet talk during sex. “Oooohhh fuck. Suck my goddammed tit. Suck it harder. Shit. Fuck.” I sucked harder, and then gave a little nibble with my teeth before moving over to her left breast. I licked all around the areole before zeroing in on her nipple by flicking my tongue back and forth over it. Kim started pulling on the scarf as her mouth spewed more obscenities. I went down to her tummy and licked her shallow belly button while my hands clumsily worked on undoing the button of her jeans. When I finally got it open I slid down the zipper and pulled them off, revealing a pair of yellow panties. I leaned down and buried my nose in them, inhaling her sweet scent. Sticking out my tongue I flicked it against the material that was denying her the pleasure I had to offer. Kim gasped at the action, so I did it again and again, trying to see how long I could torture her before she freaked out. I used my nose between licks to rub around where her clit hood would be. Even though her eyes were closed I could see the frustration in her face, I had tied her hands well so she couldn’t undo the knot herself. Finally she broke. “Fucking stop it!” she screamed.

“Okay,” I said, and sat up from between her legs.

“No! Wait! I meant stop teasing me!”

“I did.” I said it with a smile on my face.

Her eyes flew open and she looked at me with a ‘Don’t give me that shit’ look. “You know what I mean!” For a second I thought I’d really pissed her off, but there was half a smile on her face after she said it. I slid my hands up along her legs until I got under the sides of her panties, grabbed them and slowly slid them down. Kim pulled up her feet to help get them off, but before she put her feet down again I gave a quick lick on the bottom of her right foot. Kim let out a quick laugh from the tickle. “Stop it!” she yelled, then slapped me in the face with her foot.

“Ow!” I rubbed the side of my face. It was a mild hit but it still hurt.

“Oh shit, I’m sorry.” Kim started to rise and forgot her bonds. “I just-,” She fell back onto the bed and got frustrated. “I didn’t-,” she tried to pull out of the scarf, but got frustrated and gave up. “Dammit! I want to hug you but I can’t get up!”

I chuckled at her predicament. Kim brought up her legs and wrapped them around my waist in a pseudo-hug. “There,” she said, “you feel better?” We both erupted in laughter that lasted for several minutes. When it died down she asked, “Seriously, you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. They breed us farm girls tough down in Kentucky.”

“Well if that’s the case, and it’s not too much trouble, I’d like to have my pussy eaten sometime before the sun comes up.”

“Ah’d be happy to oblige, young lady,” I said. My hands took Kim’s legs from around my waist and held them up so I could give small, light kisses down each one. Don’t ask me why I didn’t notice her pussy was shaved until I was right on top of it. I’d seen shaved pussies in the locker room back in high school, but this was the first time I was going to lick one. I started by continuing my light kiss treatment on her mound, which caused a deep sigh from Kim. My tongue came out and ran over her bare mons using long, slow licks, and then my hands spread her open. Before I did anything else I brought my nose right up to Kim’s open flower and inhaled her scent. I did that, I thought to myself, I was the cause of a series of events in her body that resulted in what I was smelling right now. The thought of that simply amazed me. Of course, all that thinking meant I’d stopped acting.

“Hey,” Kim said, “are you torturing me again?”

I smiled. “No, just being a nerd.” Before Kim had a chance to respond to that I pressed my lips right up to her pussy and gave it a kiss. Kim moaned and I started licking. She squirmed and started her ode to my abilities. “Fuck! Uh! Eat me. Eat my fucking cunt. Shit! Fuck yeah! Fuck!” I couldn’t believe the mouth on this girl. I knew truck drivers who didn’t swear this much. Really.

I sucked on her inner lips and savored the taste I had a hand (and tongue) in causing. Then I slowly slid my tongue inside of her. I loved that warm feeling, the contractions of her walls on my flesh, the sensations of softness and moisture. I moved my tongue in and out a few times before removing it completely and replacing it with my index finger. Kim gave a long, slow moan as I carefully moved my finger inside of her. I started lapping and sucking at the hood of her clit as my finger moved steadily in and out.

Kim wasn’t saying anything anymore, just moaning, grunting and sighing. Her eyes were open and staring down at me. I would occasionally look up and make eye contact with her. Those looks we exchanged kept driving me on, giving me more and more sexual energy. I started going wild on Kim, eating her out with fury. In my few past experiences I was slow and methodical when going down on a girl because I was nervous and shy. But that night my inhibitions were gone. I had always wanted to lick a girl’s feet and now I’d done it. I’d always wanted to tie a girl down and I did it without even pausing for thought. Suddenly I was eating out Kim with a passion that was making up for every thought I’d second-guessed, every desire I’d buried, every opportunity I’d passed up.

Part of that passion was bringing her to the brink of orgasm and then slowing her down. I’d bring her right to where I thought she was going to cum and then I’d stop moving my fingers and slow down my tongue or keep it up with my fingers and stop my tongue completely. As soon as I heard Kim’s breathing slow down I’d start up again. This went on until I finally judged wrong and went too far. Kim let out a cry as I licked her clit and she went over the edge.

I sat up and looked at her. Kim was breathing heavy and there was some sweat on her brow. I realized I could smell some sweat on myself as well. I leaned over her and untied the scarf. As I did she lifted up and sucked on my right nipple. I cooed. When I had her loose she pulled me down on top of her and kissed me passionately. After the kiss she looked into my eyes. We didn’t say another word as we both got under the covers and hugged each other. I’m not sure which one of us passed out first, meaning I probably did.

After the sun woke me up the next morning (it seemed to have no effect on Kim) I got up and closed the drapes, then got back into bed and passed out again. The next thing I remember feeling was incredible pleasure. Actually I can’t say I would have used those words then, because I was still asleep, but now I know how to describe it. I just felt a warm, comfortable sensation all over my body. I woke up slowly, my eyes fluttering to rid them of sleep. There was a big lump under the covers and the only thing on the pillow next to me was a pair of legs bent at the knees, the feet I fell in love with last night hovering in the air.

“What are you doing?” I sighed it more than said it.

The lump under the covers moved and said, “Waking you up with sex. Isn’t it the shit?” While Kim spoke I felt her fingers playing where her tongue had just been.

“Yeah,” I breathed.

Kim’s tongue went back to work. It felt wonderful, still half asleep and receiving this kind of attention. If I didn’t have such a hangover in my head it would have been perfect, but it was still the best wake up call I’d ever received. Kim stopped again and said, “Sorry, I’m having a little trouble breathing here.”

I grabbed the covers and tossed them off the end of the bed, giving me a wonderful view of Kim’s naked body. She took in a deep breath and said “Thanks.” She licked my clit as her fingers played with my lips. I put my hand on her ass and started stroking the cheeks. I felt Kim’s finger sliding down my slit, but she didn’t stick it inside. Instead she kept going down and I when she went past my vagina I wondered what she was doing. She started poking it around and I gasped when she found my rosebud. Her finger started pressing on it and I realized what she meant to do. My rational side spoke up. “Um, what are you doing?”

“You’ve never played with that?”

“No,” I said.

“Well,” she said, “if you’re not comfortable with it I can stop.”

I got stuck again. The thought of it intrigued me, but something about it seemed wrong as well. Kim wasn’t looking at my face, but I’m sure the prolonged silence was a giveaway.

“Can’t decide again?” she asked with a slight impatience in her voice.

“I want to but I don’t.”

“Tell you what, why not try it and if you decide you don’t like it then you know not to do it again.”

Now why didn’t I think of that? “Uh, yeah, that sounds cool.”

“And while you’re at it,” Kim moved her body so it was over mine in a sixty-nine position. “Give yourself something to do. Maybe that’ll keep your mind off of itself.”

I smiled. One thing I did have experience with, thanks to my roommate, was a sixty-nine. I loved the idea of giving and receiving at the same time. My arms went under her legs and over her back so my hands were on her ass. I stuck out my tongue and started licking. The thing I like to do most in a sixty-nine is mimic my partner’s actions, so when Kim licked top to bottom, sucked on my lips or targeted my clit, I did the same to her. Her finger pressed on my asshole, which is the one thing I didn’t want to do to her yet. She would push a little, stop, push some more, stop again, slowly stretching the area until she had half her finger in there.

Soon we were both sucking on each other’s clits. I thought it would be cool if we were to cum at the same time, but Kim’s finger worked more into my asshole and suddenly I felt a wave of pleasure erupt from that area. All of a sudden I couldn’t help myself and I was cumming. My mouth came away from her pussy with a yell and my legs stretched out into the air. After that I remember making some kind of satisfied sound and Kim asked, “Can I take that as a sign you liked it?”

I was still trying to catch my breath. “I’d say so.”

My hands kept playing with Kim’s pussy, keeping her aroused while I recovered. Finally I put my tongue back in action and targeted her clit. Kim’s body started moving wildly as she grunted every breath. “Uh, yeah! Oh God! Uh! Goddammit! Whore! Fuck!” Somehow I imagined everyone in Kim’s hometown could tell me the date and time of Kim’s first sexual experience.

She came and dropped on top of my body. We lay like that for a while, with our head at each other’s feet, until Kim worked up the energy to turn around and pull the covers back up. We got cozy and laid there for a while in each other’s arms. All of a sudden I said, “Thanks.”

“For what?” she asked.

Honestly I wasn’t quite sure myself. I thought about it for a moment while she stroked my hair. “I don’t know. I just feel so comfortable around you. Like I don’t have to be on guard all the time.”

Kim smiled and her eyes narrowed. “Why do you have to be on guard all the time?”

I shrugged. It wasn’t really something I wanted to get into at that point, and she took the hint and let it go. We kissed and cuddled for about half an hour more, until Kim mentioned that she was hungry. My stomach was growling too, so we got up and went to my kitchen.

“Crap,” I said when I opened the fridge. “We don’t have much here.”

“The hell you don’t, you’ve got whipped cream and chocolate syrup. Do you have ice cream?”

“Yeah.”

“Great. Sundaes for breakfast.”

While we made our special meal Kim asked how my face was doing. I had forgotten about the incident with her foot. I hammed it up and told her I’d know after I saw a doctor. Then I really gave it to her when I said a proper hug would have really helped.

“Well I couldn’t get out of the scarf thanks to that crazy Girl Scout knot you tied,” she said as she started laughing. “What did you learn that one for?”

“Dominatrix Badge,” I said, and we both cracked up. It was the kind of good feeling you get when you find someone you really click with.

We took our sweet treats to the living room. Kim’s top was still on the coffee table and there was a note on top of it, obviously from my roommate, saying “I know I’ve seen this top on someone in the past 24 hours, but I can’t quite remember who it was. I’m sure you’ll be able to remind me later.” My roommate was from California, and sometimes her sense of humor escaped me. She was also a gossip hound and the note made it clear she wanted details. Kim had brought the whipped cream can out to the living room and every few bites she refreshed the supply in her dish.

“You can never have enough whipped cream,” she said, anticipating my wisecrack.

“I don’t remember that one in nutrition class.”

“They teach you nutrition in Kentucky?” she said with a smile.

“Yeah, and they also taught us manners, like never call a lady a whore.”

A surprised look crossed her face. “Are you implying I did that?” I nodded and she asked, “When?”

“In bed.”

“Oh. I didn’t necessarily call you a whore.” Kim noticed all my whipped cream was gone and shot some into my bowl.

“Well I didn’t see anyone else in the room, so unless you were directing that comment at yourself, I think you called me a whore.”

“Well I’m sorry.”

I nodded and said, “Okay.” We sat there for a moment in silence, eating ice cream. Then, without looking at her, I quietly said, “Bitch.”

“Slut.”

“Douche bag.”

“Cunt.”

My eyebrows raised on that one. “Getting a little rough there, aren’t we?”

“What, poor little country girl can’t take a harsh word?”

“I just think it’s a little offensive.”

“No, it’s very offensive, which is why I used it.”

I shrugged my shoulders, said “Fine,” and we went back to eating ice cream. Suddenly she said, “Shit head.”

“Wench.”

“Doofus.”

“Tampon breath.” With that one we both burst out in laughter.


CHAPTER 12: FUCK HAPPY ENDINGS

That laughter was still ringing in my head when I walked through the doorway of the bathroom in Rio.

Kim was sitting naked in the tub. There was no water in it. She was alive.

Her forehead was leaning against her knees and she was sobbing quietly, unaware that I was standing there watching her. I could feel the smile grow across my face as a happiness spread throughout my body. It was different from the joy I had with writing. More like extreme relief. I reached over and turned off the CD player. Kim looked up. Her eyes were red and puffy and her face was a mix of surprise, anger and disgust.

“Hey whore,” I said.

“Fuck off you fucking bitch!” she screamed.

There was so much hurt in her face. I’d never seen Kim that vulnerable before. It was like seeing some celebrity without makeup for the first time. There are plenty of words you could use to describe Kim, but one thing she has never been is weak. Yet here she was, looking like you could knock her over with a feather. And that was my fault. I felt like crying. Actually I think I needed to cry, but I knew one of us had to hold it together for this conversation. Finding her alive was only half the battle, now I had to win her back.

“I’m not going anywhere,” I said. Taking a deep breath, I continued, “I was wrong, about a lot of things. I will say in my defense that I wasn’t working off all the information. But I still made a lot of mistakes on my own. I took this long, stupid, complicated road when I should have just talked to you. Been more open with you.” I choked on that last part, and almost lost it completely. But I held it back, took another deep breath and gritted my teeth. “I’m just hoping that you can forgive me for my mistakes and give me another chance. Even though I probably don’t deserve it.”

“You don’t deserve it! Now fuck off!”

I bit my lip. Most people might have taken that as the final word and walked away. But I reminded myself that this was Kim I was dealing with, and the fact that she yelled something as opposed to taking the soap dish and throwing it at me was a good sign. I tried to muster up enough courage to say what I needed to. “You remember the morning after we first met, and you asked why I felt like I had to be on guard all the time? I used to think it was because I was afraid of letting go, of my naughty side taking control and doing all these things I was afraid to do. But now I understand what I was really on guard about. I was afraid of how people who knew me were going to react when they saw that side of me. I feel like everybody sees Carol Hitchcock as this nerdy bookworm who is the essence of normal. And I was so worried that if I let loose I’d lose everything and never be able to get myself back.” I took a deep breath and continued, “But with you it was different. That first night you saw so many things about me that no one had ever seen before and you didn’t judge me. Hell, you encouraged me.”

Kim looked at me. There was still anger in her face. “Go away!” she yelled, and then she put her head back down on her knees. This wasn’t working. My chest started to feel tight. I couldn’t have gone through all this just to still lose her. My mind raced, trying to think of something else to say, something to convince her I truly understood that I’d made a mistake. I kept drawing a blank. My breathing came in short, heavy gasps. The longer it took me to think of something the more tension I felt in the room, and it was almost as if the physical distance between us was growing.

But then I stopped myself. I closed my eyes and forced my mind to remain calm. I slowed down my breathing and pushed my thoughts back to how I felt earlier when I wrote. I kept myself in that state until something came to me, something the tattoo guy had said to me earlier that day. I opened my eyes and spoke.

“Kim, when we started dating I felt so comfortable with you, and that made me feel comfortable with myself. But I didn’t really understand why that was. Normally I’d have put more thought into it, analyzed it.” That got a snort from Kim. She always complained that I complicated things with thought. “But I didn’t, because for once in my life I was just going with the flow. And it felt good. So good that I didn’t pay attention to anything else, and that’s when I got into trouble. All of a sudden I lost that feeling you gave me. I blamed you for it.”

I took a deep breath, walked over to the tub and kneeled down beside it. She didn’t resist as I reached out, cupping her chin and turning her face towards me. Her eyes wouldn’t look directly at me. “But I got that feeling back, and I did it on my own this time. And doing that made me realize how important you are to me. Not just for who you are, but how you bring out something in me that I didn’t realize I was missing in my life- happiness.”

There was a long silence. Finally Kim looked up and her eyes met mine. “I thought I was the worst thing that ever happened to you.”

“That was until I met the worst thing that ever happened to you,” I said.

Kim was about to say something when the look on her face changed. “What the hell happened to your head?”

I reached up and touched it and flinched from the pain. A bruise must have been forming. “The cavalry came to its senses and realized it needed to come rescue you.”

“From who?”

“From yourself.”

Kim showed some teeth, but I wasn’t sure it was a smile until I heard her chuckle a little bit. “I hate to tell you it was for nothing,” she said, then sniffed and wiped her nose with her hand. “All my talk about being over the top and I couldn’t even work up the guts to turn on the water.”


An hour later we were sitting in the kitchen, and I had a bag of ice on my forehead. Kim looked a lot better now, more in control - her old self. The smile on her face was the same sweet smile that made me feel so comfortable when I first met her. “I just want to say,” she started, “that little speech you gave in the bathroom was the sappiest piece of shit I’ve ever heard. It’s like you were channeling Meg Ryan or something.”

We laughed an infectious laugh that went on for a while. As it died down my mind tripped over a thought I’d had earlier, when Mrs. Ross first mentioned the divorce. I hated to bring the conversation to serious matters, but I had to know. “Your parents were never coming on this trip, were they?”

Kim smile faded slowly. Her eyes looked at the floor. “They gave me this trip to, quote, soothe my nerves about the divorce, unquote. My little consolation prize.”

“And so you lied to me about this trip? Why didn’t you ever tell me about how fucked up they are?”

Kim sighed. “You had enough problems, I didn’t want to lay all of mine on you. I figured you’d think I was too much trouble and leave me.”

“But Jesus Kim, you’ve got the mom from hell! And I’m guessing you’re dad’s not so great either. You could have at least told me that, I would have been a lot more understanding before now.”

“I didn’t want to expose you to them. My parents have managed to fuck up every inch of my life, and you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I figured the further away I kept you from them the better.”

She was probably right, considering the offer I’d just gotten from her mom. But I wasn’t thinking about that right then, since I felt the tears welling up in my eyes as I stared at her. “What?” she asked.

“I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to you?”

She shook her head. “You are such a fucking sap, you know that?”

I took her hand in mine. “I’m so sorry,” I said, and then took a deep breath because I had plenty to apologize for. “The way I’ve been treating you, starting that argument, sleeping with someone who robbed you.” I swallowed. “For what you read in my notebook.”

Kim snickered, “Anything else?”

I grinned. “I’m not sorry about getting a tattoo without you, because I don’t even remember doing that.”

She laughed, and for the first time in a long time I felt the tension between us easing up. When she finished, Kim turned serious and said, “You know what I kept thinking when I was reading your notebook?” I shook my head and Kim continued, “That it’s your own damn fault Carol. You complained to me about not having enough time for school stuff, but I figured that was the scared side of you making up excuses. If you sat me down and had a serious talk I would have listened, and I would have taken you seriously.”

I sighed. She was right. I’d assumed how she would react and it bit me in the ass, big time.

“You need to learn to speak up more,” Kim said, “especially with me. Be more open and shit. Tell me what’s on your mind, what problems you’re having.”

I arched my eyebrow. “So do you,” I said. That reminded me of something. “Speaking of which, your mom said something about you having influence over where the money goes in the divorce. What was that about?”

Kim frowned and sat there for a moment. I felt tension from her again and realized I probably shouldn’t have brought it up. Her eyes were looking at the floor when she said “I was like, sixteen when my mom came home drunk one night. She and my dad had been at some party and she was pissed off because of some woman that was there. She thought my dad was cheating on her. Anyway, she comes to my room and starts talking up a storm. I didn’t know if she was trying to bond with me or what, but she 3;” Kim stuck her tongue in her cheek and let out a soft sigh. I realized this wasn’t easy for her, so I squeezed her hand to let her know I was there for her.

Kim continued, “She told me this had happened before, when she and dad were in college and they were just dating, she found out he was cheating on her. She wanted to get back at him, but she wanted to keep him too, so she 3;she 3;” Kim swallowed hard and looked right at me. “She stopped taking the Pill.”

It took a moment for me to process what that meant. Then it took a moment for my jaw to work its way back up to the rest of my mouth. “Holy shit,” was all I could say.

There were tears in Kim’s eyes, but she shrugged and smiled. “Yeah,” she said. “I went from being ‘The Great Mistake’ to ‘The Vicious Revenge’.”

“So your father doesn’t know?”

She shook her head. “Mom’s afraid I’ll tell him and his lawyers will tear her a new one in court.”

No wonder Mrs. Ross was willing to take a chance on trying to bribe me. I sighed. “Well, that confirms it,” I said. “I’m the worst judge of character in the world.”

Kim smiled. “Don’t worry about it. She puts up an awesome front.”

We sat there for a moment in silence. Then I leaned over and kissed Kim on the lips, pulled back and looked into her eyes. “I love you,” I said, “and I really mean it this time. I know that doesn’t exactly sound like a happy ending line, but it’s what I really feel.”

She reached out and stroked my cheek. “Fuck happy endings. This is good enough for me.”

“That mean you can forgive me for being so stupid?” I asked.

“I think stupidity runs in our relationship,” she said. We went upstairs and fell asleep on the bed.

CHAPTER 13: FROM HERE ON

When I woke up the sun was just setting. Kim was still sleeping, and while I watched her a memory flooded back into my head, causing a smile to grow on my face. We had fallen asleep with me spooning behind her, so I slipped out and laid Kim on her back. I spread her legs, lay down between them and used my fingers to spread her flower. With long, slow licks I worked on her pussy, going from bottom to top. She made some noises and moved a little, then she gasped and her eyes fluttered open.

“Hey there,” she said.

I kissed her clit hood and said, “Sorry, I got hungry.”

She smiled. “Don’t apologize, I’m always on the menu.”

“Remember when you taught me this?”

Kim’s brow furrowed for a moment, but then it relaxed and she smiled. “Oh yeah,” she said. Her whole face took on this happy glow.

“Now that I’ve got you all worked up, I’m going to torture you by starting at the beginning.”

“Rotten bitch,” she said.

I moved down to the end of the bed and started with Kim's toes, running my tongue in-between them, sucking each one into my mouth. I licked the bottom of her foot, using my tongue to tease her ticklish spots. Then I softly kissed the top of her arch, making my way slowly to her ankle. Once there I sucked on both sides of her anklebone, then used my tongue to trace around each one. Kim moaned, so I kept it up for a while until I started to move up her legs, running my tongue up the inside of each where she is most sensitive.

I skipped over her pelvic area and licked a line from her lower stomach, over her bellybutton, between her breasts and up her chin until I dipped my tongue into her mouth. I kept the kiss short and traced the edge of her jaw with my tongue.

Her breasts were calling to me, so I licked her left areole first, using my tongue to lather the area with my saliva. Then I sucked it all up, along with her nipple as well. Kim rewarded my efforts with a soft moan. I felt her hands reach for my breasts, squeezing the globes at first, and then pinching the nipples. I kept up my sucking, occasionally flicking the tip of her nipple with my tongue. I gave the same treatment to the other nipple and finally proceeded to move between my lover's legs. My left hand spread open her folds and I slowly licked over the whole area, which made Kim spread her legs so wide that my left hand was suddenly free of it's duty. I brought my mouth down onto her pussy and let my tongue play around as my hands reached up for her breasts. My tongue licked her treasure as my hands softly squeezed her globes, but when I found her hole I stuck my tongue in and pinched her nipples simultaneously. This time my reward was a sharp cry of ecstasy. I tongue fucked her for a while, then moved up to her clit and sucked on it while my hands pinched her nipples.

I continued my dual assault as I felt Kim's body begin to shudder, her body jerking until she let out a high pitched moan and I felt her come. Then I crawled up to her face and kissed her. We shared her taste for a minute before Kim broke the kiss.

"Still hungry?" Kim asked.

“Actually, I am. Turn over.” Kim gave a questioning look, but I just smiled and she complied. I decided to teach her the little something new I’d learned from Maria, just like she’d taught me something new the first time she woke me up with sex. I licked her ass cheeks all over and then gave a slow lick up her crack without spreading her cheeks. That caused Kim to let out a sharp breath. I used my hands to spread her cheeks and gave another lick, this time right in her valley. She moaned that time, so I did it again and got the same response. I looked at her rosebud for a moment before I did anything more. I wasn’t sure I’d like giving as well as receiving, but I wanted to try. I stuck out my tongue and started licking it. A slightly sour taste, but it wasn’t anything horrible. And for the reaction I got from Kim it was well worth it. She said, “Oh my God, Carol, oh my God.” For all the times she caught me off guard it was great to finally surprise her for once.

Kim cooed as I kept licking. I was getting off on it myself, mostly for the fact that most people frown on what I was doing. My naughty side whispered something in my ear and I went with it. I stiffened my tongue and started to poke at Kim’s rosebud. She began to give out sharp little cries each time I made contact with her puckered hole. Suddenly I felt it give a little and the tip of my tongue slipped inside, and that’s when Kim yelled. The truck driver in her came out again and she spewed obscenities between gasps. I tried pushing in a little more but it wouldn’t go, so I came back out and resumed licking.

“This is so fucking good,” she said. I tried sticking my tongue in there again, but I didn’t get any farther than the first time. Still, Kim went wild again and I knew it was something we’d be working on over time. Finally I gave her rosebud a little kiss like Maria did with mine and I crawled up onto Kim’s back.

“Like that?” I asked.

“Not as much as having a girlfriend who would think to try it,” she said. “You’re a bad, bad girl.”

I laughed as I slid off to her side. Our arms pulled each other into a tight hug. I kissed Kim’s shoulder and held her tighter, feeling a spreading sense of warmth and security in her embrace. I suddenly realized I now knew what being in love felt like. No longer would I ever say the word without understanding the feelings that are behind it. I smiled at the thought of my new knowledge.

We lay in each other's arms for a while, relaxing, telling jokes and calling each other names. Soon we were kissing and then she told me to lie on my back as she began kissing the side of my neck. I held her head there as long as possible because she knows this drives me wild and I know she never spends enough time doing it. Finally I let her move on, she used her tongue along my shoulders and chest until she got to my breasts. Kim always started the place I like the most, the sensitive skin under my breasts. Her tongue traced along the undersides slowly until I begged her to touch my aching nipples. She pinched them with her fingers at first, teasing them until she let her tongue lick the globes from the outer edge inward. Finally Kim's lips encircled my right nipple and she sucked it hard, making me moan like crazy.

After treating the other breast in the same slow, deliberate manner, Kim moved down to my belly button and gave it a rim job, teasing me with thoughts of what was to come. Next, she moved down and picked up my right foot and opened her mouth wide so she could put all of my toes in her mouth at once. She sucked on them and then licked them with her tongue. Kim repeated the process on my left foot, then put my feet together and pushed my legs up and over until I was bent in half (gymnastics was my thing in high school). I held my legs in front of my face while Kim buried her face in my pussy.

"Ohhhhhh, uhhhhhh, you uhhhhhhh, cuntlicker, uhhhh." She laughed at my use of foul language.

Just when I was getting good and riled up Kim took a break to lick the globes of my ass. When she started sucking a finger I made a little bet with myself which hole it was going into. Kim's hand went down and I felt pressure on my asshole, winning me a long, hot bubble bath with my favorite vibrator. The finger slowly worked its way in as I felt my sphincter open up.

"Ohhhhhh yeah," I moaned. Kim started pumping in and out as her mouth went to work again and found my clit. She sucked on it hard and I was saying her name as I came. I let my legs go and turned on my side as Kim spooned her body behind mine. I was still breathing heavy when she hugged me and kissed my neck. I closed my eyes.

The next day Kim and I went to the beach. Walking along, hand in hand, I asked her a question that had been gnawing at me. “Did you have any idea I was planning on breaking up with you?”

“No. Why would I?”

“I was just thinking about when we met. That first night I thought you were psychic, it seemed like you could read me so well.”

Kim gave a chuckle. “Yeah but that’s just when you’re having that struggle between being good or bad. It’s all over your face. I can’t tell when you’re having a real problem with something. That you need to tell me yourself.”

“Great, now I’m taking advice from a girl whose family belongs on Jerry Springer.” That made her laugh, and I laughed with her.

When we got back to school Kim and I found an apartment together. It marked the start of some big changes for the both of us. Kim has promised not to push hard about going out, and so far she’s been good. I’ve also promised to pull my head out from the books once in a while and go with her. The one thing that has surprised me the most is that she’s not going out all the time anymore. Ever since we moved in together she’s been staying home with me more often and every once in a while she even cracks open a book. I think I’m having a good effect on her.

In the spirit of our new openness with each other, Kim and I discussed what to do about the problem with her mom. We came to the conclusion that she wouldn’t tell her dad the truth, but that made for some leverage against her mom to keep out of Kim’s life. While the divorce would be finalized at some point, she said her dad would probably sue her mom if he ever found out, so that gave Kim leverage for life.

Up on the wall of our bedroom is the picture from Rio, the one of Kim and I in the outdoor bar- two topless, drunken fools grinning like idiots and holding up our drinks in a toast. We didn’t just put it up to appease my exhibitionism, but to help us remember to always communicate with each other. The picture reminds us because of its great irony- there we are looking like we’re having the best time of our lives, when both of us were really dying inside. Now that we know true happiness we know what it took to get here. Like Kim said, fuck happy endings, I’m learning real life takes a lot of work all the time.

So what did I learn this summer? Topless beaches are great. Be open and communicate with those you love. Don’t pick up strange women in bars without expecting to be drugged and robbed. Never run up the stairs, even when you’re on a rescue mission. Group sex can be a great learning experience. The right clothes get you attention but its hell on the buttons when someone’s tearing them off of you. Oh, and no one is as nice as they sound on the phone.

The End.