"The course of true love never did run
smooth."
Act I, Scene 1, from A Midsummer's Night's Dream
- William Shakespeare
From her bedroom window Ann looked out over her postage stamp backyard, down the steep
embankment, across the train tracks and down to the river. The setting full moon reflected
off the small waves. It made Ann think of a band of fluid gems, flashing low across the
night, but somehow scented from the summer. Across the river lay the black bulk of the
Catskills, now only a rippling shadow, black against the blue last light of the summer
sky. The hills had the shape of a woman lying on her side, under a blanket, hips and
shoulders for peaks, waist and knees for valleys.
In her childhood, because this part of town lay next to the river, only life's dirt washed
up in this nowhere of warehouses and whorehouses. Now, because of the view, those rich
enough to afford to buy beauty in a city resettled the oldest part of the town.
She bought the building already renovated into a modern home from the shell of a meat
warehouse. She then customized to her needs and taste. Ann used only a small part of the
proceeds of the lawsuit and her inheritance, and banked the rest. She would never have to
work again. She really didn't want to. Men still dominated accounting. A woman in that
career had thousands of obstacles to overcome, without having the extra disabilities the
accident left her.
She had pulled out from the new supermarket's parking lot onto the twisting river road,
driving her parents home just as a young man in a fast car came over the hill at nearly
eighty. He broadsided her. He killed himself, her mother and father. The accident scraped
off the left side of her face, pulled out her left eye, and broke nearly every bone on her
left side. The doctors gave her a new hip, a plastic kneecap, a steel pin in her shinbone
and a fused left ankle.
They saved her leg, but left her pain and scars. She had even stopped the reconstructive
surgery because she wanted freedom from any new pain. Scattered through her home were
thermoses Ann kept filled with water and large bottles of aspirin and acetaminophen, so
that wherever she was, they would be only a short hobble away. Ann's pain had good days
and bad days. But even on the good days some part always ached, some movement always gave
her sharp, sometimes blinding pain.
Then there was the other pain. The pain of missing her parents. Her acquaintances from
work had all stopped visiting her while she was still in the hospital. For months after
that, the only people Ann spoke to were lawyers, doctors and nurses. Then fewer doctors.
After the town, the supermarket and the insurance company settled with her, and she bought
her house, she didn't speak with her lawyers. Within a year, the only people she spoke to
were at the plastic surgeon's or at the various stores Ann placed her phone orders with.
Then she stopped the reconstructive surgery, and stopped speaking for days at time. But
her being alone helped in a way. She didn't have to apologize for her disheveled
appearance, due to the actual pain of getting dressed. She didn't have to worry about
being gawked at, or pitied. And Ann didn't have to be afraid to cry when she missed her
mom at night. Ann's solitude solidified, wrapping her in protective layers, like a pearl,
or a mummy, insulating her heart from the pain of her fate, giving her, at last, a
composure not based in thoughts or words, but in the simplest acts and feelings of
continuing to live.
Ann saw her face as half a topological map of scars from the accident and the surgery
afterwards, and half herself. Ann knew what she looked like. She knew she was still tall
and slimly built, with fair skin made paler from being inside so long. People once told
her she could have been a model. Such comments always made her think how shallow the
commenter was. Her face was long, with high cheeks and full lips. The little bump in her
nose that she thought so cute in high school had been amplified in the accident. She had
let her black hair grow into a blunt cut, that she now parted on the right to better hide
her eye patch. Since she knew what she looked like, she kept the two mirrors she used to
cut her hair in a drawer in the bathroom vanity.
On a whim, while still in the hospital, she had mumbled to her lawyer, "Six million.
Two million for each of us." She hadn't gotten that much, but the village and the
supermarket had settled for an amount that was close enough. The village had since put in
traffic lights on the hill and at the supermarket.
So now she had the home of her dreams, at least, on a crooked street that followed the
river's steep bank. She squandered hours just being amazed by the view, while she
painfully exercised her half dead left side back to as much life as it would ever have.
Her bedroom was her domain. She could manage the stairs, but not easily, so she kept her
exercise equipment, books, stereo and the television with VCR in the very large, wood
beamed, exposed brick room. She even considered having a stove and fridge installed, but
that would give her too good an excuse never to leave.
She walked, as best she could with her cane, to the light switches and turned them all
off. In the dark light of the moon, she went back to the big west facing windows and
looked out on her neighbors. The house at the end of the street, just turned into
condominiums by a speculator, finally had a light on. All the apartments were supposed to
be huge one bedrooms, ideal for the upwardly mobile young professional, or so the ad said.
Because the street was bent towards the river, and because her building was higher on the
riverbank's slope, she could see in. After a few moments she realized, as the partial
image began to make sense, that what she saw was a woman wearing an iridescent turquoise
robe, leaning back against cushions, reading a book on her bed. She could see the woman's
face to the eyebrows, and her legs to just above the ankles. The woman had dark hair,
shoulder length. She appeared to be a large person, broad shouldered, athletic.
Again she turned to the moon and the river thinking, "Ann, you mustn't." She
looked around and figured out that none of the other neighbors could even see the new
owner's window, because no other building was as tall as hers, no other building at just
this angle. She also could tell that none of the neighbors would ever see her looking. Ann
had had enough of the little voice that always told her to be a good girl. She knew that
she thought about things too much, and that thinking let in memories, which always led
into the downward spiral of heartache. She knew thinking had kept her a captive in her own
home, thinking that no one would ever want to, or could stand to, see how she looked after
the accident.
Ann, defying her thinking side, true to her feelings, turned back to watch her. The woman
had brought her left leg up, to support herself against the pillows, and her robe had
parted, showing Ann, inadvertently, that she was nude beneath the robe.
Ann went back into the dark room and dragged her favorite sling chair back to the window,
and watched her read. She thought of nothing but felt a warm excitement, a slight tingle
of anticipation, that she could, so easily join this woman and remain unknown. There was
life beyond her room after all, if only vicarious life. Still, it finally occurred to her,
that this could be better than the nothing she felt for so long after the crash, better
than the avoidance of people she rigorously practiced.
The woman put her book down, and suddenly got up, leaving her robe on the bed with a
shrug. Ann saw her flash by naked as she powered herself gracefully off the bed. A few
minutes later, Ann saw the overhead light go out, but a small light that must be near the
bed, remained on. The dark haired woman returned to the bed, naked now, and lay back
against the cushions, hands behind her head, looking down at her own torso and legs,
smiling to herself, at some delight well known to her.
Ann thought that any second the final light would go out and this window to the real world
would go dark for her. The dark-haired woman was not, as Ann's father would have said,
"a genuine, pin-up beauty." But she was real, and whole, and obviously her own
person. She had a thin, almost bony face, with a long thin nose, but full lips over a
prominent chin.
Her hands slid down and caressed her breasts. The woman's hands slid lower over her own
body, slowly, savoring the sensation. Ann watched as she began to massage her belly, then
saw her reach lower again, opening and closing her legs in time to her right hand.
Ann inhaled sharply. She hadn't expected this.
The woman's left hand lay across her chest and these fingers swept rapidly over her right
nipple and then around it. The woman rocked her hips forward and back, her right hand
moving in almost a frenzy, while she bit her bottom lip, eyes closed. Then her mouth
shaped an "o" that Ann couldn't hear, but knew was being whispered, or said or
shouted, into her bedroom. The dark haired woman was continuing slower now, but more
emphatically, her back was arched, her left hand clutched her right breast. She turned her
face left into her pillow, her thighs shaking and wide apart, and pumped her hips down
hard, and paused, down hard again and stopped, and rolled slowly to her left side, showing
Ann her white buttocks, with her fingertips showing between her thighs, slowly rocking in
satiation. After a few minutes, she reached up out of Ann's view, and the light went out.
Ann moved slowly to her waterbed. Slower than her normal painful pace, immersed in
mentally replaying the scene. She clumsily removed her tee shirt, gym shorts and panties
and lay down on the warm, firmly yielding bed. Ann began to masturbate, as she always did
just before going to sleep. It was her lullaby and her solace, her way of reminding
herself that some part of her body still worked, and could make her happy. Ann couldn't
help visualizing the other woman as she satisfied herself. Ann fell asleep with the image
of the woman masturbating, but seen from between Ann's own legs, above her right hand's
own motions.
The next morning, Ann thought about the night before and envied her. She envied the
woman's completeness, her apparent state of happy self-reliance. Ann envied more the
delight the woman took in her own body, the way she looked at herself and smiled. She
thought that she might not let herself watch her anymore. But Ann smiled to herself and
knew that she would watch. She would simply not think about it. By doing so she would defy
that little voice commanding her to be good.
This night was a Friday, and Ann thought that the dark haired woman, usually reading by
now, must have a date, or at least something to do. Ann had called to the department store
at the mall that would deliver the same day and had bought an iridescent turquoise
bathrobe, a small telescope, and a tripod to hold it steady. Her window appeared larger,
but otherwise her view was unchanged.
At about eleven, Ann saw her bedroom lights come on. She made it to the light switches,
and turned off her own lights. She flung off her tee shirt and gym shorts and panties and
put on her new robe, a close match to the other woman's. She sat down after taking off the
lens cover off the telescope.
Seated on the bed and facing into the room was a woman with short blond hair, wearing a
white blouse and a gray skirt. This woman had almost a bowl cut, which accented her thin
body and face, giving her a pixie look. She was gesturing energetically into the room,
obviously talking with someone still unseen. The dark-haired woman came bearing a tray
with two round wine glasses, and a wine bottle. She was dressed in a lavender blouse and a
tan skirt. She handed one glass to the blond woman, poured her a full portion, kicked off
her shoes and took a seat against the pillows, with her feet at an angle, hanging off the
bed. The blond woman half turned and continued the conversation, still emphatically
gesturing. After a few minutes she moved back on the bed so that the wall supported her
and so that she wouldn't have to half turn to talk. Ann could only see the dark haired
woman's legs at this point.
Ann said, "girl talk," out loud and switched on a floor lamp behind her and
grabbed the mystery she'd been reading. After a chapter, Ann looked again, but the bed was
empty. She returned to reading.
A movement caught her eye, and Ann looked again. She saw her, wearing her robe, toweling
her hair dry, seated on the bed. She looked up, smiled into the room, and spoke to someone
unseen. Then, Ann saw the blond woman, wrapped in large bath towel, tucked in front, seat
herself on the bed facing the dark haired woman, and begin toweling her hair dry. Ann saw
the blonde's towel wrapped back, and her arm movements, but the dark haired woman was
blocked from her view. The blond kept rubbing, then suddenly the towel she was wrapped in
fell off, and there was a pair of arms around her, caressing her nude back.
Ann kept watching, defiantly not thinking, and turned off the lamp behind her. She untied
her robe and opened it.
The blond woman turned and laid back on the bed. Ann saw her stand, walk into the room,
the overhead light went out, and she returned into Ann's view, shrugging off her robe. She
lay down next to the blonde then kissed her neck as she put her hand on the blonde's
belly, slowly circling. The blond turned to face her, smiling, and then rolled to her,
stroking her face and kissing her lips. The brunette pulled the blonde to her in a bear
hug, rolled to her back, while inserting her thigh between the blonde's legs. Still
kissing, the blond reached to the other's belly, to her triangle, and started to finger
her sex, while the blonde's hips slowly began to flex up and down against the brunette's
raised thigh.
Ann's own fingers began massaging her clitoris. She felt desire, but her strongest desire
was to keep watching, keep feeling the pleasure that others were bringing to themselves,
and, unknowingly, to her. She wanted this pleasure that came to her so secretly and so
boldly, that gave her others' lives, without having to show her scars. To expose herself
to pleasure, without having to risk rejection, or worse, pity. And yet Ann thought that
she wanted her to know she was watching, to let her know someone else loved looking at
her, as she loved looking at herself.
The blonde's back first bent up then down as she dragged her clitoris against the
brunette's thigh. She was squirming from the effects of the blonde's fingers, rocking her
own hips in time to the blond woman's hip's time, in time to the blonde's hand. Ann felt
her own pleasure building, and wished that this night would last a long, long time.
They all brought off their orgasms together, Ann timing her own with theirs. Ann kept
watching as the two women kept necking and kept giving each other pleasures, giving
herself pleasure as they did. Ann's wish for a long night was granted.
Ann slept late. Almost in her sleep, still ringing with pleasure, Ann had found herself
making a decision. She treasured being alone. But she realized that feeling was a trap
that allowed her to avoid people, avoid confronting her disability, her shattered face and
limbs. She didn't want to be stared at, and that was the excuse that kept her a prisoner.
She heard the world calling. A new world. A world of acceptance, she hoped. She fervently
hoped so.
The camera arrived in the early afternoon. Ann assembled it, clumsily, as she did
everything, mounting it on the tripod, and inserting a tape. She stripped off her tee
shirt and gym shorts and put on the turquoise robe. Ann pointed the camera at her
waterbed, turned it on and got onto the bed. She arranged herself and the covers so her
left side was hidden. Later, she thought, she would simply record over this beginning so
that her audience would only see her from the bed. She slowly, began to massage her
breasts with her right hand, and savoring, stroked her body. She raised her right leg and
masturbated thinking only of the women she had witnessed last night. Her orgasm shook her,
and moaning she kept masturbating and gave herself another more massive orgasm, several
minutes later. Still she continued, her hips bucking into the rhythm set by the waterbed.
Ann used her fingers on herself faster and faster until she moaned then shouted out a
strong orgasm that left her sweating and shaking, knees pumping together and apart in the
afterglow. She rocked herself in pleasure calming herself and then lay still for a few
minutes, got up and turned off the camera.
Ann jotted down the number in the counter on the camera where the tape ended. She replayed
herself and watched through the camera's eyepiece. The tape was better than she had hoped.
Ann rewound the tape and erased the beginning by recording with the lens cap on. Then she
fast-forwarded to the number she had written down.
Ann took off the lens cap, started to record, but sat down out of the camera's view.
"I wanted to return the favor, the gift that you have given me. With something of the
same," Ann looked at the side of the camera, and continued. "I'm a neighbor of
yours and I can see in your bedroom window. I live by myself. You've seen my good side,
literally. I was in an accident, and my left side is not quite presentable. I want you to
know about me, but I don't want to actually meet you. It's my scars. I don't have any
mirrors out, for instance. But I want to be able to see you, to look out my window and see
you give and take pleasure. It's the best thing that has happened to me in the two years
since the wreck. I feel half alive, instead of more than half dead. Thanks. Thank
you..."
Ann paused the camera whirred softly. "I know this is really selfish, but I'm all
I've got, so I get a little selfish sometimes. I'd love it if I could hear you talk to
your lovers. I mean, would you mind terribly if I, well, would you mind making me some
tapes?" Ann had said it finally. "I'd love to be there as much as I could. But I
don't want to meet you. I don't want to meet anyone. Ever. I, quite frankly, am scared to
death of seeking pity, and being pitiful, and of all the passive aggressive nonsense that
all that implies. I'd rather be alone. But I want to watch you and your lovers. And to
hear you. I want to listen to your talks at dinner, to be in the bathroom when you take
showers, to be there when you are just there with them, being who you are. Can you do
this? Is this asking too much? I'm rich enough to buy another camera, or give you what you
want, to do this for me. Would you?"
Ann got up, and turned off the camera. She had stopped just before the tears came. She
rewound the tape again, removed it, put it in its box and wrapped it, the occasional tear
sprinkled on the plain brown paper. She had figured out the address and got her name from
the new telephone listings. She wrote the name and address on the package, put her own
name on for the return, put several dollars of postage on it and put it in her mailbox,
limping back upstairs. In grade school Ann had learned that it's best to be nervous after
one performed on stage, or spoke before the class. Not before, and certainly never during.
She had performed this one woman, three act play, at first joyfully, then solemnly,
finally doggedly. Mercifully, Ann heard the postman take the package within an hour. In
less than an hour, the dire warfare between her heart and her mind had stripped off all
the layers of her hard won composure, like so many soiled bandages. She fought, and felt
she very nearly died, on the side of her heart, and won.
That night, Saturday, the woman she loved to watch had another date with her
blond friend. Ann taped it, hoping that her message would not simply cause her to put up
shades. Sunday she was alone, and Ann taped her making love to her self. Ann knew that
Monday was the earliest day that her tape could possibly arrive. But on Monday, the
brunette just didn't come home.
Tuesday Ann slept late noting her own tension. Ann wanted a resolve to the situation, some
conclusion that would either extend her viewing privileges or end them here and now. But
the waiting for that resolve was the worst tension she had felt since she had started the
reconstructive surgery. But the day wore on and Ann ate, and drank wine and exercised and
read. She watched the videos over and over, giving herself as much bittersweet pleasure as
she could stand, knowing it might easily end that same day.
The sun went down hazy and magenta over the river. Ann had not even gotten dressed beyond
the turquoise robe. She was watching the sunset's progress when she noticed her bedroom
light on, and saw her and the blond woman kissing, standing by the bed, the brunette
holding a big bottle of wine and the blond holding some glasses. Both were wearing jeans
and tee shirts, purses slung over their shoulders. They suddenly turned and walked out of
view, and the light went out. Ann was still staring out the window minutes later when her
doorbell rang. She hobbled to the intercom.
"Who is it?" she asked clearing her throat, catching on the tension.
"It's your neighbors from down the street. The ones
you can see. You'd better let us in before we decide to do it right here on your front
door step," her voice was deep and airy, but giggling over the intercom. Ann heard
the fun and the outright sex in the tones of her voice.
"I'll be right down. Please give me a few minutes?" she hadn't moved as fast in
a month. Ann tied her robe, put on her eye patch and painfully managed the stairs. Ann
opened the door, but she hid her scarred half behind the door, showing only her right
side.
"Hi," her neighbor said, smiling and breathy and almost drawling the
monosyllable into three, a verbal caress. The neighbor's arm was draped caressingly over
the blonde's shoulder.
"Hello," said the blonde, telegraphing energy and warmth.
"I'm Suzie Robertson. This is Jen Kramer. Can we come in?" Suzie said already
moving forward. Ann found herself already stepping back, opening her front door to she
wondered, who? Intimate strangers? Unnamed, dear old friends?
"I'm Ann Dean," she smiled, still hiding her left side behind the half opened
door. She held out her hand for shaking and first Jen then Suzie shook it.
Then Ann closed the door and turned around.
"This is me," Ann said as she turned and faced them. She trembled. Her
unthinking response had carried her along this far. She hadn't even considered closing the
door, or not answering it. Thinking would lead back to her shell, so she let herself react
without thinking.
"So where can you see my bedroom from?" asked Suzie.
"Do you have a telephoto lens of some kind?" asked Jen.
"From my bedroom upstairs. Yes but the buildings are much closer in the back then
they are in the front. It's because of the crooked street," Ann replied, and smiled.
She was relaxing. Suzie and Jen. Jen and Suzie. Her first houseguests. They hadn't reacted
when she had faced them. She had half expected a Phantom of the Opera scream.
"Why don't we go upstairs and I'll show you," Ann walked to the stairs, hung her
cane over her left arm, used her right to pull herself up each step, one step at a time,
up the long flight to the top floor, to her world. "This always takes me a few
minutes, but my doctor says that it's the best therapy. Better than a Stairmaster,"
huffed Ann. Suzie and Jen followed. They walked in tandem, ascending at Ann's slow pace,
thigh to thigh with stately three-legged grace, each with her arm around the small of the
other's back. Again Ann huffed, "What kind of wine did you bring?"
"Glen-Ellen Chardonnay. It's our favorite, and it's not pricey. We got a liter and a
half bottle," Suzi informed. "That should hold us," added Jen.
"How long have you been gay?" asked Suzie.
"I ... well I don't know. I don't know that I am gay," Ann puffed out this
answer while still on the stairs, finished the climb in silence and continued to her sling
chair by the window. The telescope was in place aimed at the window below, with the video
camera on the tripod nest to it. Ann had not bothered to conceal them.
"Maybe I am gay," Ann said after catching her breath, and demurely arranging her
robe. Suzie and Jen had followed, Jen sat on the waterbed, Suzie still stood pouring wine
and handing the glasses round. "I just don't know anymore. I've only ever had
relationships with men. I wasn't in one, or even dating, when my accident happened. Too
busy trying to be an ace CPA. And I," she gestured with her right hand to her left
side, "haven't had a date since. All I know is that you two have made me feel more
alive than anyone or anything else has in over two years. And I'm so grateful for that I'd
do anything that I could to keep feeling more alive than dead."
"Do you like to masturbate?" Jen asked smiling.
"Yes, of course. Before this all happened, I did occasionally. After the accident, it
was about the only thing that still worked well. I did it at least once a day, to go to
sleep with. Sometimes, ... sometimes a lot, I cried myself to sleep from the pain and
loss, and masturbated. I did it to feel something."
"Do you think of women when you do?" Jen asked still smiling.
"Since I first saw Suzie, I've not been able to think of anyone else but her and now
you too. And it seems lately I've been doing it every five minutes or so. I've never been
so driven by sex," Ann drank the wine and it warmed her. She smiled. She liked these
two. Jen seemed so pleasantly energetic. Suzie seemed only a little quieter, but with
maturity and class. "You two are my first houseguests. That may tell you more about
me than anything else."
Suzie looked at Jen and each nodded and smiled. "We certainly think you're gay,"
said Suzie as she walked over to Ann, and held out her hand. Ann took it and was surprised
at how easily Suzie pulled her out of the sling chair. Suzie looked at Ann for a second,
gently took Ann's face in her hands and kissed her, first just full lips, then with her
tongue seeking Ann's. Ann felt her face go hot from blushing against Suzi's touch, but Ann
let herself be held and kissed and opened her mouth to Suzie's gentle probing. Ann hugged
Suzie close, feeling her full breasts against her own small chest. Ann felt Suzie's body
heat penetrating first her tee shirt then her own robe. At this sensation, Ann realized
how aroused she was becoming, how pleasantly wet her sex was. Ann let her hands slip down
Suzie's sides to the top of her hips. Suzie's hands fell down Ann's neck, down her robe to
Ann's sides, with the thumbs brushing Ann's nipples through the robe. Suddenly Suzie broke
the embrace, leaving Ann kissing the air off balance, and turned to Jen.
"Yeah, I'll say," said Suzie, with breathy emphasis to Jen. Turning back to Ann,
Suzie said slowly, "You're gay all right," Suzie half sighed, "Jen, would
you like to make sure?"
"Oh all right," said Jen with mock sarcasm, and a crooked little half smile, as
she sashayed over to Ann and Suzie. Jen stroked Suzie's back on her arrival and took Ann
in her arms from Ann's left side. "We are all damaged in a way, you know Ann. I loved
your tape. I want to help you heal. And I want you," Jen slid her hand into Ann's
robe and cupped her breast. Ann was ringing from the touch, aching for Jen to hold her
tighter, to squeeze her other breast. Ann leaned forward and kissed Jen's cheek and then
her mouth, with her already open mouth, letting Jen know she was hungry.
Jen suddenly broke this embrace, stepped back and pulled off her tee shirt over her head
in one well-practiced motion. Suzie strolled over with the hip sway of a woman heavy with
lust and kissed Jen's neck from behind, her hands gliding lightly over Jen's breasts,
crinkling her already stiff nipples. Ann then realized that Suzie had taken off her pants.
They both turned to Ann.
"Is this O.K.?" Suzie sighed, untying Ann's robe.
"Yes. Oh please yes," whispered Ann as her robe slid to the floor. At first Ann
looked at the floor, then she looked up. Jen and Suzie were looking at her and smiling.
"You see, we've already seen you naked," said Suzie. "You forgot to erase
the part of the tape where you get out of bed after that wonderful orgasm. There's nothing
wrong with you that some TLC can't cure. And you really have a nice slim body, nice little
tits, just like I like. And they're not scarred. And your legs are so long. I want them
wrapped around my face," Suzie said as she gently lifted off Ann's eye patch.
Ann's face registered her shock then her delight with learning that she was being accepted
"as is", and changed over to a subtle smile, but with heat, as Suzie's fingers
glided over her curly bush and down her belly, easing Ann open. Ann reached for Suzie's
crotch, but felt something hard, then realized Jen must already have put her hand there.
The fingers retreated and Ann's fingers rubbed Suzie's slick wet groove. Ann felt nothing
but delight at fingering, for the first time, another woman's excited clitoris. Suddenly
there were arms everywhere and Ann realized she was being carried to the bed.
Jen and Suzie plunked Ann down on her back on the waterbed. Jen peeled off her jeans and
then her panties. Suzie swept her tee shirt off. They hugged and reached for each other's
mounds while rubbing their breasts together in a slow dance, gyrating to find a mutual
rhythm, kissing and nearly swallowing each other's tongues. Their fingers went faster,
their hips bumped each other's wet hands and first Suzie then Jen gave groans of deep
pleasure.
Ann felt her own bush, now damp with excitement, felt her own fingers giving herself
pleasure, her half dead left hand squeezing her own right breast as hard as she could.
"They want me," Ann thought. "They want me, they don't pity me. They saw me
and they didn't turn away. At least not yet. They seem so normal. But they're lesbians.
Well, so am I, I guess. And I want them. Both of them. To watch and to have and to hold.
And to fuck. I want Suzie on top of me. I want to fuck them and never stop," Ann
watched as the other women continued to stand.
Suzie held Jen's bushy lips apart and slipped her smooth thigh in against Jen's clitoris,
rotating her hips back and forth like a bitch humping her owner's leg, grinding her own
clit against Jen's smooth thigh. Both women had one foot flat on the floor and the other
on tiptoe, tilting their thighs for each other's pleasure. Jen grabbed Suzie's butt and
pulled her hips into her, controlling the tempo of Suzie's hips, letting the waves of
pleasure wash up from her clit and opened lips. Breasts against breasts, now sweaty with
love and heat and sex, letting all the waves wash over her again and again, sucking
Suzie's lips and cheeks, ears and neck in her passion and ascension. Suzie leaned back and
pressed her weight down on Jen's thigh, sliding down hard. Suzie's hips suddenly began
pumping Jen's thigh very quickly, and she moaned once, pumped down hard, her head rolled
down to kiss Jen's small nipple. Suzie had just licked it when she came, moaning from her
very center, using the moan to carry the pleasure throughout her body, moaning again just
to feel it all. Sliding down Jen's now slick thigh to squeeze out all the fun, all the
last juice of the orgasm before letting it go. Jen squeaked out her pleasure in little
giggles, then grabbed Suzie's hand and stuck it in her crotch so that Suzie could finger
fuck her. Suzie's arm pumped no more than twenty times before Jen snorted, then oh-oh-ohed
her way through her own climax.
Ann watched and gave herself pleasure, fell in love with watching, fell into the trance of
watching. Bringing herself near to orgasm, on the edge, but not falling over, wanting to
sustain the moment, moaning her own harmony of moans with the moans of the others, into a
timeless, limitless pleasure.
Both women still stood there, trembling holding, hugging, fondling, kissing as their
pleasures subsided. They kissed again and got onto the bed with Ann. Jen got right back up
and brought over the wine, and got up again and fetched all the glasses topping off the
first round. Ann half sat and half curled to create enough room for three. Suzie swallowed
her wine in one go and held out her glass out for more. Ann smelled sex from both of them,
then sniffed her wine to be sure she wasn't hallucinating. Ann took a big swallow herself
smiling outwardly at her great gifts, smiling inwardly at her discoveries about herself.
Jen stroked Ann's right flank with her fingers.
"I was so moved by your tape," Jen looked deep into Ann's eye and continued,
"I just wanted to give you as much fun as you could stand. Everyone should come out
with a big bang. It took me years to admit it to myself, that I wanted women. I love men,
but I love women more. Coming out was the hardest thing ever for me. I didn't even have
much fun at first,"
"And she wasn't much fun either, too neurotic. She thinks too much," chimed in
Suzie.
"I want to love you, and Suzie and lots of others. I'm kind of rambling, but I
thought that you were so brave in sending us that tape that you've completely won us over,
without even knowing you. You should have seen what a frenzy your tape sent us into. I
nearly went blind from orgasms. And that's what I want to do for you. But I want to know
you too." All this time she had been stroking Ann's thigh and hip, and Ann could feel
the heat from her center.
"I'm easy to know. I'm the scrapings of a car wreck that killed everyone I loved. I
live by myself on the settlement of the lawsuit from my injuries," Ann put her wine
glass on the headboard. "I have a phone that I only use to call for deliveries
because I don't go out. And when I saw Suzie and then you too, my life changed. I'm brand
new, tabla rosa," Ann sighed at the pleasure Jen's hand was beginning to give her.
"I want to fuck you, and love you, and know you Jen. Suzie, I already love you and I
want to fuck you more than I can possibly say. And I want to know you. I'm just so
happy," Ann held Jen's hand, and grabbed Suzie's. "I've gone from nothing to
someone twice over in just a few moments. I haven't been thinking, barely feeling and not
analyzing at all. I'm only interested in just letting it happen, whatever it is. I don't
know what will happen next, even through the rest of tonight. But I know I want you both
so terribly much," and Ann grabbed her glass, downed her wine, set the glass back on
the headboard, and leaned forward for Suzie, holding her arms open.
Suzie crawled to her across the bed, and on top of Ann as she lay back and spread her
legs. Ann was softly crying now as Suzie was kissing her mouth, tonguing her sobs, humping
her mound. Jen lay on Ann's left side and was kissing her cheek, stroking the ribs of both
of her lovers, as silent tears wet the pillow beneath her. Suzie went up on her knees and
spread her own legs as she guided Ann's hand to her clit. Then Suzie giggled and put two
fingers inside Ann, slowly twisting out the piston stroke of pleasure. Ann moaned and
moaned again, feeling herself spread open more and lube Suzie's fingers with her life's
juices. Ann slipped her fingers up and down Suzie's groove as she started to rock with the
fun that Ann was making for her. Then Ann slipped her own fingers into Suzie's already wet
vagina, extracting them and circling the exterior lips before plunging in again harder and
faster. Suzie moaned and leaned off Ann so Jen could suck her right breast. With her free
hand, Suzie put her other nipple in Ann's open mouth. Jen moaned. Ann realized that Jen
was as turned on by watching as she was. Ann used her left hand to clumsily grope Jen's
smooth tits and belly. Suddenly Ann felt a second hand lightly flicking her clit as Suzie
continued to pump her with fingers. Ann moaned at the heat all the hands made on her, at
all the heat she hoped her hands made and rocked and locked her legs around Suzie, still
licking. Ann sucked air quickly as a small orgasm ambushed her, then moaned.
After a second or twenty, Suzie stopped. She smiled and licked her fingers off and turned
around so that she and Ann could sixty-nine. Suzie's wet bush was in Ann's face before she
knew it and Ann tasted another woman's salt for the first time as she felt Suzie's smooth
face against her thighs, her tongue on her clit pressing.
"Jen, go get our friend, please," Suzie half asked, half begged. Ann felt Jen
roll off the bed and heard her rummaging where they had dumped their purses. Then Ann felt
Jen's return to the bed, then Jen's finger in her quickly to open her, then an enormous
rush of being full up as Jen pushed the cold but lubricated dildo in. Suzie kept licking
Ann the whole time. Ann squealed her delight and came again, the orgasm coming unbidden
and stronger than the last.
"Fuck me, oh fuck me, mmmmm, fuck me," sighed Ann to the thrusting and the
licking. Then Jen turned on the vibrator and Ann bucked her hips up and down making Suzie
chase her clit, making Jen ride with her as she came again. Ann remembered to lick Suzie's
pussy and Suzie moaned. Almost from the edge of her senses Ann heard Jen moan and she knew
that Jen must be masturbating too.
"Gimmee" came Suzie's muff-muffled voice and Ann felt the vibrator change hands.
"You're gonna come now Ann," Suzie commanded, "but we're not gonna stop.
You're gonna get fucked until dawn, until ... ," and Suzie moaned from Ann's tongue
and finger work and started licking Ann in time with the vibrator's thrusts. Ann came
spasming with hips jerking, moaning and clutching Suzie's waist, her tongue stuck in
Suzie's pussy drinking then sucking Suzie's clit, giving pleasure as she received it. Then
Ann came again. Still Suzie fucked her and licked her, relentless in making Ann climb her
own orgasms ever higher with more strength, with more dexterity, with more courage until
Ann felt no more waves of pleasure, just come after come after come, as regular and as
natural as breathing. Ann felt washed by waters of pleasure and sweat and her own juices
and the sweat and juices and pleasure of Suzie. Suzie's salt was in her eye and she came
from that stinging.
Ann used her nose and her chin on Suzie's pussy and Suzie came, howling from the pleasure
and the exertion of working Ann so tirelessly. Ann concentrated and felt one orgasm rise
from the start, rise from her clit and her heart, from her face in another woman's pussy,
from her thighs squeezing another woman's sweet face, and then something snapped. Ann's
orgasm took her over the edge into the land where all pleasures are one pleasure and all
life is that pleasure, where the difference between bodies ceased, where everything is an
orgasm and a woman's body.
Ann yelled through this come, she yelled until she was
hoarse and shaking, soaking wet, trembling and half conscious. Then Suzie rolled off her
and pulled out the vibrator.
"What a ride," moaned Suzie. "You sure this is your opening night?"
Ann was ringing from the orgasms, her thighs were still trembling and she felt like she
had just run 20 miles, all rubbery from the exertion. Suzie lay down on Ann's left side,
supported Ann's head with her shoulder and pulled a sheet over both of them. "You're
very sexual, Ann. I love that in a woman. Especially a woman I'm fucking. There's
something about you that is very old and experienced, and something totally new at the
same time," Suzie was gently stroking Ann's hair and kissing her forehead.
Ann looked up and saw the video camera pointed at the bed, and smiled. "How do I
thank you, Suzie? Nuts, I'm going to cry again," Suzie stroked her face and kissed
her mouth gently. Ann sobbed for a few minutes anyway.
"Just be yourself, honey," she held Ann until the sobs left. They kissed some
more. Ann knew that she loved Suzie.
"Where did Jen go?" Ann asked Suzie finally.
"To pee, I'll bet. Jen? Yoo-hoo honey, where are you?" yelled Suzie.
"I don't believe how big this place is," responded Jen from around a corner,
"and there's a huge Jacuzzi thing in the bathroom." Jen walked back out, finally
turned the camera off and strolled over to the bed and got back on, giving Suzie a nipple
tweak, but embracing, then kissing Ann. "Ann, you treat yourself well. Can I come
over some time and help you try on some clothes?"
"Of course, we're about the same size," said Ann sincerely.
"She means, of course, can she try on your things to borrow them permanently.
Besides, trying on clothes is her favorite seduction game. Ann, you need an
education," warned Suzie smiling at Jen.
"I'm safe then because I haven't bought anything special in two years," said Ann
smiling at each in turn. "I guess I'll just have to place a big order with Victoria's
Secret." All three laughed.
"Can you and me take a bath together?" asked Jen, pouting back sarcastically at
Suzie as she took Ann's hand to lead her slowly to the Jacuzzi.
Jen and Ann walked together into the bathroom, each with an arm around the small of the
other's back, with a hip swaying, halting three-legged gait. Ann felt Jen's smooth warm
body next to her own rapidly cooling side. Jen had already started the water into the
Jacuzzi.
"It takes awhile to fill," Ann mumbled.
"Good," said Jen with a lilt in her voice and a smile. Jen turned to face Ann,
and held her close as she kissed her, tonguing first Ann's lips, then her open mouth.
Jen's hands slipped down to Ann's hips.
"Let's get in, I'm getting chilled," said Ann. Jen helped Ann over to the
Jacuzzi's raised wide top where Ann sat down.
"Could you dim the lights?" Ann asked Jen. Jen walked over to the switch Ann
pointed to and brought the lights down to candle level. Jen got in the tub.
"You two really worked up a sweat. I'm delighted for you
3; and envious,"
said Jen as she watched Ann get in by sitting on the edge then swiveling herself in. The
faucets were turned on full and the Jacuzzi was half full, enough to cover up to a woman's
waist, but no more. Jen moved over to sit next to Ann. The water was warm enough, more
like a swimming pool on a warm night than a bathtub. Jen leaned over and kissed Ann's left
breast, sucking the nipple into her mouth gently and flicking it with her tongue. Ann
moaned and instinctively spread her legs. Jen's fingers found Ann's mound seconds later,
gliding into her pleasure, flicking Ann's clit first in time, then in counterpoint with
her tongue on Ann's nipple. Ann moaned and reached for Jen's sex, stroking her in the same
time, every action creating an equal and pleasurable reaction. Jen hungrily sought Ann's
moaning mouth and tongued her, kissing deep then sucking Ann's tongue, then cheek and
ears, throat and collarbone.
From the next room they heard Marvin Gaye's Sexual Healing drifting in over the sound of
the running water. Both laughed. Jen began rubbing her chest against Ann's setting the
rhythm, then Ann leaned back so Jen could be on top. Jen kept using her fingers on Ann and
soaking up the pleasure Ann was giving her in return. Both had loud orgasms within a few
seconds of each other.
"We should really talk a little," said Ann.
"Maybe, or maybe not," Jen responded. "My problem is that I really do think
too much. And talking is just thinking out loud."
"That's always been mine, too. But I want to know you as well as loving you,"
Ann sighed.
"And you will, but over time. You can't know me in a few minutes. What I could tell
you in a few minutes doesn't really matter. Tonight is special for you because it’s
your coming out ball. You should have what you want, like a birthday party."
"So what do you do?" persisted Ann.
"I'm a paralegal," Jen said rolling her eyes and giving in, "and
receptionist and bookkeeper for a law firm here in town. Suzie is a social worker, with a
private practice in addictive behaviors. That's really where she makes her money. I just
moved here so we could resume our relationship. We are faithful to each other, I mean we
really are in love and committed, but we do have other lovers. I especially have to have
lots of lovers. I go to bars and get picked up at least once a week."
"Just women?" Ann hesitated.
"Just women. Men hit on me all the time but I just tell them to go away. I like them
OK but they're not ... women. And I love women. I adore women, ... lots of women,"
said Jen with a crooked little smile.
"And what made you decide to come here tonight?"
"You did. Your tape, I mean. It was the sexiest thing anyone had done to us? for us?
in ... in well, forever. We think you are very brave and wanted to bring you out in style.
And we thought that you needed to brought out, that you might not manage it yourself. We
also wanted to show you that being lesbian is different. That you look at the world
through sex colored glasses, and everything is tinted labia pink. And that being lesbian
is as different as you are from someone that was never injured. Being gay should teach you
tolerance, if nothing else. So we decided to show you that you are a worthy person, that
we can accept you as you are, without reserve. That's what every one should get as a
Coming Out present. That's what we thought you were really asking for in your video. And
we thought you were sexy and we both wanted to do you. So here we are."
Jen's rapid talk left Ann speechless. Jen gave Ann a lot to think about. But she didn't
want to think. Ann knew she wanted to make love to Jen. The Jacuzzi rapidly filled.
"Let me turn the water off and start the jets," Ann told Jen as she got up and
eased her way over to the tub's controls.
"Jen, I just don't know what to say. I'm very happy, and I think I'm in love with you
two. But I don't trust thinking right now, so I want to ...," Ann trailed off as she
sat back down next to Jen and the jets started.
They both sat quiet for a few minutes, enjoying the all over massage that the Jacuzzi was
giving them. Ann looked over at Jen, and Jen turned and smiled back, then winked. Ann
turned quickly away, trying to loose herself in the water. After a moment, Ann looked back
to Jen. Jen again turned and smiled. Ann rolled to her left side and kissed Jen full on
the lips. Jen kissed back doing exactly what Ann was, kissing her, full on the lips. Only
after Ann sought Jen's tongue did Jen open her mouth. Ann reached her right arm over and
stroked Jen's left thigh, first the outside then the inside. Jen mirrored Ann, matching
Ann's pace caress for caress. Ann began to feel that Jen was doing all this on purpose so
she pretended to masturbate, but on Jen's sex. She felt a close duplication of her own
well-known movements start to caress her clitoris and labia.
"I like what you're doing, Jen" Ann murmured.
"Thought you would," whispered Jen as she smiled through Ann's kisses, their
lips still touching as she spoke.
The warm water surrounded Ann and Jen, filling in the gaps between their bodies with
warmth. Because of the water and Jen's persistent mirroring of her own motions, Ann began
to loose the feeling of having a separate body from Jen's. Ann loved the way her breasts
mingled with Jen's, the softness and the weight of each confusing her, letting her wonder
whose were whose. Ann's body began to ache in need of another orgasm. She inserted her
right thigh between Jen's legs, and mounted Jen's right thigh herself as she knelt on the
bottom of the Jacuzzi.
Ann felt Jen's smooth wet and firm thigh against her swelling, opening labia, and she also
felt Jen opening to the gentle pressure her own thigh was exerting. As the pressure turned
to the first rush of pleasure, Ann squeezed Jen's thigh between both of her own, and felt
Jen squeeze back. Even with the jets on and Jen on her back, her neck and shoulders were
above the water line. Ann slid her hips down Jen's thigh, dragging her clitoris against
the smooth skin and firm muscle, savoring the sensation of, for the first time in her
life, making love to a woman. Ann leaned forward dragging her breasts against Jen's chest,
enjoying the feeling of Jen's breasts and the swirling water against her own.
Then Ann put her right hand on Jen's left breast and used the soft part of her thumb
against the nipple. Jen smiled up at her, and did the same to Ann. Ann slowly dragged her
hips back up Jen's thigh, then back down again faster then the first time. Ann felt a
sharper pleasure. She bent forward and kissed Jen's right nipple, tonguing it just above
the water, tracing a line up Jen's neck to her waiting mouth. Jen moaned as Ann's tongue
probed her. Ann felt Jen move against her thigh, so she leaned forward, increasing the
pressure on Jen's clitoris. Jen began to thrust her hips forward and back against Ann's
thigh as Ann did the same to Jen. Ann grabbed Jen tight around the waist with both arms,
locked her mouth against Jen's and began hip pumping Jen's thigh, riding it knowing only
that her true, hard pleasure lay somewhere close. Ann kept her tight hold on Jen's waist
but used a lighter pressure on Jen's thigh, just enough to keep her clitoris in contact
and throbbing, but no more. Jen changed her thigh's angle slightly, and kept up her own
motions against Ann's thigh, building the tension for both women, egging on the pleasure,
but not fulfilling it just yet.
Ann moaned her pleasure out then locked her mouth on Jen's again. Ann let the orgasm
build; keeping herself on the edge until she knew that she could not stop it from
happening. Then Ann drove her hips down hard against Jen's, letting frenzy drive her
further into pleasure. Jen grabbed Ann's left breast and sucked hard. Ann came wildly
shouting out her oh-oh-oh's, sloshing water out of the Jacuzzi, bucking Jen's thigh
through a long pleasant descent from her climax.
Jen held Ann tight kissing her face all over, rubbing breasts against breasts, easing her
way back to reality. Ann snuggled against Jen's left side while their affections continued
with playful strokes of fingers on labia and thousands of kisses.
Jen leaned back, stretched and sat up and out and on the side of the tub, feet still in
the water. She smiled at Ann, took her head in her hands, and pulled her face into her
crotch. Ann felt Jen's water smooth thighs squeeze her cheeks as she lightly licked Jen's
pussy, then rubbed her nose, tongue and chin against Jen's still excited clitoris. Jen
moaned and pushed Ann's face tighter against her pussy. Ann pulled back far enough to lick
Jen's clit, then put two fingers into Jen, while she gently sucked Jen's clitoris into her
mouth. Ann kept up the mild suction and gave Jen tongue flicks in time with her fingers,
gradually building the tempo.
Ann increased the pace as she felt Jen respond, but she tried to stay ahead, to lead Jen
into pleasure. Jen leaned back, supporting herself with her arms against the tub's wide
top edge, angling her hips to give Ann just the right access. Jen began rocking slightly
as her orgasm grew on her. As she was about to bear the fruit of Ann's tongue and fingers,
Jen squeezed Ann's face with her thighs. Ann's arm pistoned Jen's orgasm out of her. Jen
came almost screeching then rapidly gasping for air. After she was sliding off the plateau
of pleasure, Ann slowed her pace only slightly for a minute then began pumping and licking
and sucking Jen even harder then before.
"Oh baby don't let me go, suck me dry baby," Jen moaned, hip bumping Ann's face
up the steep slope to another orgasm. "Lick me, lick me, lick me. Fuck me hard baby
cause I want it so bad from you," Jen shouted as Ann kept pumping her harder and
harder. "Now oh now, now," Jen commanded. Ann sucked in hard on Jen's clitoris
and tried to double the speed of her thrusts as Jen came very hard. "That's it, fuck
me Ann," Jen's wailing peaked and fell off into rapid moans and little whimpers. Jen
pulled Ann up to her face and kissed her wide-open mouth, still filled with Jen's own
juices. Jen clutched Ann around the waist with her legs and continued to give herself
small pleasures by rubbing her clit against Ann's smooth belly. Ann kissed Jen and thumbed
her nipples.
"You're too much fun, Ann. I could get hooked on all this. And I want you to get
hooked. I want you to want me and Suzie real bad. And other women. I think, ... there I go
again, thinking," Jen beamed all this to Ann, no crooked little smile, just pure
pleasure lighting her face. She stroked Ann's face, then moved back into the water.
"I'm just trying to concentrate on giving, and taking for that matter, as much
pleasure as I can tonight," Ann said as she sat down next to Jen. "I don't know
when it will happen again."
"Oh it will happen again," piped in Suzie, from behind them. "I just hope
that the camera records in low light. I could see you two in the viewfinder, but I don't
know how it will turn out."
"Good. I hoped you would have the good sense to tape us," Jen smiled back at
Suzie. Suzie wore Ann's turquoise robe. "How much did you get?"
"Just about all since I put on the Marvin Gaye album. After that, I came right in.
You two didn't even notice me," said Suzie half proudly, half mockingly miffed.
Ann smiled warmly at Suzie after turning to face her. "I'm very glad you taped us.
Thank you. I'll probably never forget this night, but the tape is wonderful to have,"
said Ann with a tinge of sadness.
"Of course you know that Suzie does mean you'll have us too and not just the
tape," Jen corrected Ann. "Oh what's that line from Casablanca, you know the
last line of the movie where Bogart says something like 'This could be the start of a
beautiful friendship'?" Jen asked as Suzie smiled at her and Ann realized that she
really would have more than the tape.
"That's close enough to be right, Jen," said Suzie turning to Ann, "Yes,
Ann we'll be back. And you'll have the tape. Maybe I'll lend you some of mine, like Where
There's Smoke. I used to watch that when I was lonely for Jen. I'd get all hot then I'd
call her up and she'd give me great phone sex," Suzie smiled.
"No I didn't," said Jen emphatically with her hands on her hips, "You'd
just start masturbating as soon as you heard my voice. I could have been talking about the
fuckin' weather," Jen's mock anger confirmed Ann's guess that Suzie was probably
telling the truth.
Ann and Suzie just laughed. Suzie stood and dropped Ann's robe and climbed into the tub.
Jen greeted her with a kiss and caress around her waist. Suzie leaned back sighing as the
churning water took her. Suzie draped her arm over Jen's shoulders. Suzie stretched her
foot out under water and hooked her ankle behind Ann's calf.
"This is nice, Ann," Suzie sighed, saying each word slowly in emphasis.
"Well I'm happy then. The doctor said the Jacuzzi would help me and there was so
little difference in price between a small one and a big one that I just went for it. It's
big enough that I can float on my back and look out the skylight," Ann explained.
Jen and Suzie both looked up and out at the dark night through the large skylight directly
over the tub and burst out laughing together. "We're so used to scraping by
financially that this places really seems like a palace, a pleasure palace to us,"
Jen rattled out quickly.
Ann smiled back. "You're both welcome to come here any time. I don't really have
anyone in my life to give presents to. I was an only child. So I kind of like the idea
that I could give you both presents. Maybe the holidays will be bearable this year."
"Or maybe not. I always wind up going home, but my folks, my mom especially, really
don't like the idea that I love women. So they try hard to make the time I spend with them
as miserable as possible for me, asking me who I'm dating, when I'm going to have kids,
all that biological clock stuff. I've gotten fairly immune to it all, but Mom still finds
one or two ways to needle me. And they won't let me bring Suzie," Jen explained to
Ann quickly.
"I don't speak to mine, so I either stay home and really cook or I hit the bars. Most
years it's both," Suzie sighed out her response to Ann.
"Last year I had Olson's do a big Christmas dinner for me," said Ann, "I
had everything traditional, with a wonderful real truffle pate, some poisonous desserts,
nice wines, everything. But they wouldn't do it for less than eight, so I was eating the
stuff until Groundhog's Day." Ann reflected for a second then smiled and continued,
"I guess I'm not afraid to spend a buck to get what I want. But now I'm going to have
to figure it out all over. What I want, I mean. I really haven't touched the bulk of my
money. I live very well on just the interest. But that's what I was trained to do as a
CPA."
"You know there's this dress down at La Chapelle's I've been wanting. Very nice silk,
short skirt but modest. The one in the window is lavender so I just fell in love with
it," said Jen almost giggling.
"Jen," interrupted Suzie, "Show a little restraint, my dear. We're just
getting to know Ann. Please forgive her. It's her years hustling that brings that stuff
out."
"We met because Suzie's collaborator Nancy scraped me down off the ceiling after I'd
had a little too much coke. I was in the sex industry, as they say. I hadn't come out yet.
I'd tried making sex tapes, but I had wound up in the bar circuit dancing. Tits weren't
big enough. Anyway, they paid in coke, so I did it. Then I had to start tricking to pay
for all the coke. I got really wired one night and passed out. Nancy talked to me the next
day in the hospital. This was when she and Suzie was still setting up their addictive
behaviors research. I was an experiment, so the treatment was free. I was Nancy's pet
case. Nancy got me straight, got me a job doing filing, making copies in a law firm.
"Then, what over a year later, I bumped into Nancy and Suzie in a store. I guess I
had met Suzie, because she was always around, but Nancy re-introduced us. We all talked.
Suzie and I walked home because we lived in the same direction in the East Village, while
Nancy lived in the West Village. I had just started going to the bars, but had been too
chicken to let any women pick me up. As part of the counseling technique that Suzie and
Nancy worked out, they force you to admit all these awful things about yourself. So I had
admitted to myself that I wanted women. So we talked on the walk home and we traded home
phone numbers. I waited three days before I called her and asked her over for dinner.
"I can't really cook so I had ordered a whole bunch of
Chinese food. Fried pork dumplings, Peking duck, the works. Suzie said she would bring the
wine. She also brought flowers for the table, which was so sweet. We talked and talked. I
liked her as a friend, but I wanted her as a lover. At one point, I brushed the back of
her hand with mine, on purpose, just to touch her. She smiled at me so I took her hand and
kissed her palm, and held her hand in both of mine, just staring at it, feeling ...
everything all at once, excited and turned on, afraid that she'd laugh at me, all that
negative nonsense. I was too shy to look up at her. And she said,"
"And I said," Suzie cut in, and pulling Jen much closer at the shoulders,
"'I already love you.’ Then I got up and went looking for her bedroom. I didn't
realize that the couch we were sitting on was it, that her apartment was that small. So,
we wandered around her little room, just holding hands beaming at each other. Jen was so
thrilled at not being laughed at that I think she went totally ga-ga, just like a high
schooler with a heavy crush."
"I still have that crush on you, honey," Jen added.
"She gets real quiet when she's in love. Anyway, she didn't know what was up, so
finally I said something like, 'So where is it?', and she dropped my hand and just pointed
to a door. I opened it and there was the bathroom.
"I thought that she wanted to pee," explained Jen in a stage whisper and with a
shrug.
"So I went in, closed the door and peed. While I was in there I decided to just
..."
"I heard the water in the shower," Jen jumped in. "I still didn't get it.
So after a while I looked in. Suzie was taking a shower! I still didn't get it. Finally,
she peeks around the curtain and tells me the water's fine. So I left. I sat down on the
couch trying to figure it all out but I didn't get very far. I was so gushy, but confused,
you know?
"So then, she comes out wearing a towel, and using another to dry her hair and sits
next to me on the couch. Then she combed her hair, not saying anything to me. I just
watched. Then she stood up dropped the towel and finished drying off. My jaw dropped, too.
Then she sat next to me, real close and put her arm around my shoulder. I could feel her
cool and damp skin right through my blouse. Then, thank god, she kissed me. That's what it
took! A nude, beautiful woman sitting next to me planting a big wet one on me. Then I got
it! Ann honey," Jen said as she took Ann's hand in hers under water, Ann, still
chuckling at the story, squeezed back, "she gave it to me as good as you got tonight.
That was a Friday night. I didn't get out of my apartment again to the following Tuesday
morning for work. I called in sick on Monday. So did Suzie. Suzie strung me out on sex. I
could barely walk, not from being sore, but because I'd never had so many orgasms, and all
I wanted was more. Every woman I saw I wondered about. It must have been pretty obvious
because one girl I worked with made a pass at me in the supply room. She gave me a good
groping, but I told her off. I said my girlfriend was pretty and that I didn't need any
butches."
"That was that Kathy person that used to send you flowers on your birthday?"
Suzie asked.
"Yup. She was short and wide. Not my type at all. And she was as pushy as the worst
men. She had no sense of humor, style or personal hygiene. It was like having the worst
high school nerd follow you around, drooling all the time.
"So the next weekend was the same, but the one after I wanted to go out
dancing," Jen continued. "Suzie took me to a women's club and we danced.
Everyone flirted with me, and I flirted back. I left with Suzie, of course. But I was also
very turned on by so many of the women there. So we talked."
"I'm just glad we got this issue out of the way early in our affair," Suzie
said. "I've lost other lovers over the whole fidelity issue and what that really
means. Maybe I'll change later, but I don't want just one love of my life. The concept is
almost contradictory for me because I love women, not just a woman. But I don't ever want
to lose Jen. So I love her and she loves me, but with an open hand. She has friends and
flings, I have friends and flings, and we are still in love. Maybe not as many for me. But
when we are together, it all seems so right. Then when we're apart, that's ok too. And
we've been apart a lot. The move here for both of us was to see, for me especially, if we
will grow closer, more exclusive. But Ann, I want you to know that I think you're someone
very special. I want to know you for a long, long time. Right now I can't imagine knowing
you without also being your lover, if you'll have me."
"Maybe that's just part of being human, wanting opposite things at the same
time," Ann said pensively. "The way to keep a relationship is to let the person
go. The way to fidelity is through multiplicity. Oh, I don't want to think tonight,"
Ann said the last sentence slowly for emphasis. "I just want to know you two better.
Maybe know myself a little better in the process. And I'm turning into a prune in this
tub. And I want another glass of wine, too," Ann got even more emphatic as she rose
out the tub and sat on the tub's edge, preparing to swing her legs over.
Suzie stood, offered Jen her hand gallantly with a small bow, which Jen accepted with a
smirk and a royal nod and curtsey, and stepped out. Ann had swung her feet out and
accepted Jen's hand to stand. Jen turned and took a towel and threw it to Suzie as she was
stepping out. Jen grabbed another towel from the rack and dried Ann's legs, butt, belly
and breasts, kissing her left cheek. She draped the towel over Ann's shoulders. Suzie
dried herself fast, with an athlete's vigor. Jen finally dried herself lightly and draped
a towel around, tucking it in front.
Ann smiled at Suzie who came to her and took her by the waist so that they could walk back
into the bedroom area. "You two look great from behind," Jen commented.
"Ann you have the nicest legs and ass, and the way you two sway as you walk. It just
does something for me."
"Everything does something for you," retorted Suzie without even turning around.
Ann chuckled with delight at being included in the talk of lovers.
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