Confessions of a Young Pedophile.   Part 2 of 2
(An autobiography)

This story is sort of personal confession and I was prompted to write
it when a friend whom I talk to over the Internet, expressed some
interest in my past.   This is only my second attempt at writing so I
would appreciate any feedback, good or bad.

My first attempt was pure fiction (STRANGE MEETING.TXT) whereas here,
the events are I am to describe are factually true events that occurred
50+ years ago and continuing for approximately 14 years.  They involve
sexual activities between pre-teen young girls and myself.  These
occurred as close as my memory allows, and because of their nature,
should not be read by the overly sensitive, where it is legally or
morally forbidden, or anyone under the legal age. Feel free to use the
story for your own pleasure, or re post it as-is with no changes as
long as you include this header.  You may not use it to benefit
yourself or anyone else financially.

Please send comments to: girl_luvr@repairman.com

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This is Part 2 of 2

Chapter 5.   NEARLY A MAN

When I think back on those years, I am constantly amazed at the chances
I took and how often my activities could have turned into a disaster.
That they didn't, I put down to enormous luck.  All I every asked the
girls was something like "You won't tell anyone about our little
secret, will you?" AChapter from the one time, they never did.  I also
now realize how amazingly naive I was, and to illustrate, here are a
couple of examples.

At about that time a popular type of Girls swimsuit was made of a red
knit material.  Perhaps a manufacturer had purchased a bulk line, I
don't know.  As most of the girls that I had success with recently had
been wearing this type of swimsuit, I formed the silly theory that the
two went 'hand in hand'.  I reasoned that if a girl wore that type of
swimsuit, she would be easy.  One day I saw a girl dressed like this
and started following her around, looking for an opportunity to talk to
her.  Suddenly she stopped and yelled at me that if I didn't stop
following her, she would tell her parents.  I can tell you that this
destroyed my fancy theory very quickly.

On another occasion, I used to meet another boy (lets call him "D") at
the park to play.  We had done this for many weeks and it was perfectly
normal teenage tomfoolery.  One day he turned up with his sister ("E")
who was probably a year younger.  She was an absolute "stunner" and was
just starting to develop tiny breasts.

In those days we were able to hire crude heavy two seat boats to use on
the stream.  I won't dignify them by calling them canoes, as they were
horribly heavy things made of sheet metal covering a wooden frame.  I
had just hired one when "D" and "E" arrived, so I offered to take them
with me one at a time.  Of course I took "E" first.  The stream was
very busy and there were a lot of people around, so there was nothing I
could do just there.  As I paddled, I just casually mentioned that her
dress was very pretty and at the same time moved in my seat and parted
my legs so that it became obvious that I had a large and very prominent
bulge in my swimming trunks.

I could see her taking sideways looks at it and so I hesitantly asked
what color panties she was wearing.  She looked at me and after a
second, said "white" then she said, "would you like to see them?".  I
couldn't believe my ears and my heart pounded and of course I
said "yes".  She slightly lifted and parted her legs and I had a lovely
view of an attractive crotch with a tiny pair of panties showing the
outline of her slit very clearly.  I then suggested that perhaps we
could meet without her brother the following day and she agreed to do
so.

I returned to shore concealing my erection with great difficulty and
then took her brother out in the boat.  To this day I don't know why,
but I told him that I had arranged to meet his sister to play the next
day.   On the Sunday I arrived but to my intense disappointment, she
never turned up.  Later in the day I was speaking to some friends and
casually mentioned I wonder where "E" was.  I was told that she had got
into some trouble with a boy and was not allowed to come to the park to
play.  I presume that "D" told his parents for which I never forgave
him.  I only ever saw him once after that.  We never spoke and I never
saw "E" again.

Having described how naive I was, I should also say that some parents
were as well.  I was frequently able to gain access to young girls with
the parent's full permission and even sometimes in the house when they
were there.  I don't know if I just looked trustworthy, but take this
example.

Time had passed and I had now started work and had saved enough money
for an old car.  We lived in a block of flats and now we had new
neighbors with three daughters.  At this stage I was about 17 or 18 and
I think that the two older girls were 11 and 12 while the younger was
about 6.

Summer came, and one Saturday morning I told their mother that I was
going to a local river for a swim and "would the girls like to come".
Mrs. X said "y" (the youngest) was too young but the two older ones
could go if they wished.   They jumped at the chance so away we drove
off and had a very pleasant morning.  I was very cautious and attempted
nothing for several weeks and repeated this trip to the river each
Saturday for the next 6 or 7 weekends while all the time I was trying
to engineer a situation.

One Saturday, to see what the reaction would be, I had prearranged my
underwear so my penis hung down the leg of the shorts that I was
wearing.   Of course when I got into my car, I sat so the leg of my
shorts pushed up and allowed the head of my penis to protruded
slightly.    After a few minutes they noticed it and giggling, said
that my "THINGY" was showing.    I apologized and said that I must have
a hole in my underpants.  They seemed to find this very funny and spent
the rest of the 40-minute trip to the river talking and giggling
quietly to each other.    I took this to be a good sign and I
frantically wracked my brains for a suitable way to get myself or the
girls undressed by accident.   I was a bit older now and more cautious
of the brazen approach that I had used when I was younger.  I was 17
and didn't think "playing Mothers and Fathers" was quite suitable.
Shortly after we arrived that day, I dived in and almost lost my
swimming trunks, which immediately gave me an idea.

Hiding under the water, I loosened the ties and slid them off and,
while keeping under water I hid them in the roots of a protruding
tree.  My idea was to pretend that I had lost them, but I would be able
to "find" them later.  As it turned out when I returned to retrieve
them, they were not there, as they must have washed out of the tree.
Once ready, while their backs were turned I jumped and made a large
splash to attract their attention.   When I came up I called out that I
had lost my swimsuit and would they help me look for them.  They came
over and I rushed around pretending to search with one hand cupped over
my genitals.

Of course my hand did not stay there all the time so there were plenty
of chances for the girls to see me naked.  In the end I gave up and sat
on the bank with a towel around me.  As I was sitting on the bank
hugging my knees so they was ample opportunity for the girls see under
the towel if they wanted to.   They kept taking sneak looks at me and
seemed to find it rather amusing, as there were lots of comments and
laughing whenever they looked in my direction.

Twice I said I wanted to swim and cool down so I would go for a very
brief dip on the other side of a clump of overhanging trees, leaving
them in the safer area downstream.  I would return to where they were
and resume sitting where they could see me and more importantly, see my
genitals.   I went know further and when they finished the swimming, we
dressed and returned home.

I had some "agro" from my mother over the loss of my best swimwear, but
next Saturday we returned to the river with my spare pair.  When we
arrived and were going to get changed, I suggested that as it was
shallow, they could swim in the safe spot, but as I had quite enjoyed
being nude the previous week, I would go further upstream and swim in
the nude for a while.  They seemed to hesitate so I said "Of course if
you want to join me?"  They looked at each other and nodded.  So to
make it easier for them, I turned my back, stripped and jumped into the
river while they hesitantly removed their clothes and followed after
me.

Within a few minutes they started to enjoy the experience and week
after week for the rest of the summer we returned to the river to swim
naked.  I might add that I was always careful to wet our swimsuits
before we returned home.  By this stage I was now more aware that what
I had been doing was wrong so I did nothing and just thoroughly enjoyed
the sight of their lovely young bodies and, when swimming, playing or
our hi-jinks permitted, obtained close up glimpses or accidentally
touch their Genitals.  Of course I tried to "engineer" these situations
but all was relatively innocent at that stage.

Summer passed, winter came and went, and now it was the following
summer.  I was now 18 and they were 12 and 13 so I once again suggested
they may like to go swimming and of course they agreed.  There was only
the slightest hesitancy with stripping the first time and we continued
nude swimming and sunbathing for a few weeks, until one very hot day my
raging hormones got the better of me.

Because of the sun, I suggested rubbing sun lotion on them, so they lay
face down on their towels while I did so.  I asked if they wanted to
put some on their front.  They asked me to do it and of course I was
a "perfect gentleman" and obliged.  My hand lingered passed near their
genitals as I rubbed lotion on their legs and that was it, my good
resolutions were gone, and HAD to go further, so I lay on my towel
asked them to rub lotion on my back.

They knelt on each side of me and the sight of their cute pussies a few
inches from my nose was enough, and I soon had a raging 6" erection.
At that stage they were unable to see it I was lying face down.  When
it came to the time to turn over, I hesitated and said that I had a bit
of a problem, and for them to be prepared for a surprise.  They looked
puzzled and asked if I was ill.  I answered "no" then I turned over.
Their mouths dropped open as they stared at my penis.  Of course they
had seen it many times before but obviously not with an erection, so
they asked, "why it has your 'THINGY' gone like that?"

I replied that was a difficult question to answer so I started by
telling them that it was called a Penis and when the mans body needed
to make the Penis get hard it just pumped blood into it, like blowing
up a balloon.  They seemed to accept that, and of course as I hoped,
they then asked why did it needed to become hard.  I explained that to
tell them "Why" it happened, I would have to tell them a bit about the
male and female body.   I then said, "Before I explained, there were
two things I wanted then to do to help them understand".  I said that
it was important that they knew how hard a Penis got and asked them to
gently squeeze it to see.  A little reluctantly they did so and then I
asked them to feel my testicles and tell me what they could feel.  They
were still hesitant but in the end did so.  I explained what these
round things were called and that I would tell them what they were used
for later.

I explained what the parts were, and what they were for and pointed out
each Chapter of their anatomy and mine.    I then asked if they
remembered their mother carrying their youngest sister in her tummy
before she was born.  Again they said "yes", so I asked the older
sister to lay down with her legs together and proceeded to trace the
outline of the womb on her stomach while I explained what the womb was
for and that the entrance was between her legs.  I asked her to lift
and open her legs and I gently parted her young labia to show her
younger sister what the hole looked like.  I then had them change
places so the older one could then see her younger sister's genitals.
I gave a simplified explanation of how man and woman made love and why
it was very necessary for the penis to go very hard so it could be put
in the woman's hole.   I also explained that it was the testicles that
produced the "SEED" etc.  They said that, "it all sounded funny", but
after a while they seemed to get used to the idea.

I then said that this was the physical part, but that people made love
for enjoyment and that I had forgotten to mention the most enjoyable
Chapter of their body.  I asked them to lay down, one on each side of
me and spread their legs apart.   I carefully touched their clitoris
using one hand on each.  They seemed to enjoy this, and after about 30
minutes of delightful activity I could contain myself no more so I
finished by masturbating to show them what the "SEED" was like.

The following week the oldest girl was ill and was unable to come with
us.  I managed to persuade the younger one to allow a bit of "playing"
with her genitals, which she agreed to, but she refused to touch mine
again.  The week after, due to a lot of rain in the mountains the river
was in flood and conditions never improved for the last weeks of the
summer.

The following year the younger girl came out swimming but her older
sibling would not.  I suspect she had reached puberty and was very
shy.  I took the younger girl probably 6 or 8 times, still nude
swimming but she permitted nothing else.  Toward the end of summer,
after a gap of about a month due to river conditions, she suddenly
refused to strip and insisted on wearing her swimsuit all the time.

After much prompting on my part, she admitted that she was growing
hair "down there".  I tried very hard to get her to show me, but she
refused and in the end she no longer wanted to come swimming.  Perhaps
she disliked my hints, I don't know, but for the balance of that summer
I spent most of the time at the river on my own.  These girls still
live in town and have families of their own.  I have to confess to
feeling guilty and uncomfortable when I occasionally meet them face to
face, although though this all occurred about 40 years ago.

The final occasion occurred in my 19th year.  I was asked to "baby-sit"
for a nearby family.  They had two children, a girl of about 12 and a
boy nearly 2 years younger.  I had done this on 3 or 4 occasions before
and never attempted anything.  I had been told previously that the boy
was to go to bed about 8:30pm, but the daughter could stay up a little
later.  Of course being normal siblings, he said it was not fair, so
the daughter been in the habit of going to bed at the same time as
him.  She would wait until her younger brother had fallen asleep and
then sneaking out to watch TV with me until about 9:30 or 10:00.  On
this occasion I was sitting on the couch and she sat on the other end
facing me and put her feet on my lap and asked me to rub her feet, as
they were itchy.  I rubbed them for a while, very gradually moving up
to massage her calves as far as the hem of her nightdress.  Up to that
point she seemed to be quite enjoying the attention.   I wanted to go
higher so I asked, "was she wearing any panties?" to which she
answered "YES".  I said that they were no different to swimsuits and
pushed the hem of her nightdress up past her waist.

She did not seem to be in the slightest bit worried by this so I
gradually started massaging higher until I was able to massage up to
her groin, although I still did not her touch anywhere under her
panties.  I then asked if she would like a neck massage and she
agreed.  I started massaging her neck, shoulders and down to her waist,
which she really enjoyed.  All this took some time and by then it was
about 10 o/c.  By then I was starting to get an erection but although
her lags lay across my penis, I was unsure if she felt this or not.  As
I was rubbing her upper abdomen, I asked if she would like me to go any
lower, but she said "NO" and a few minutes later said it was about time
she went to bed, leaving me with an erection to deal with in the normal
way.  I was never sure if I just misread the sign's, or if she was
interested but I took too long to get to the point and by then it was
too late.

About this time I got involved in a group of young men but soon
realized they were into homosexual activities.  I found myself on the
receiving end of advances that I found very unpleasant.  I was close to
being raped on one occasion but I managed to avoid that by the "skin of
my teeth".  On another occasion another teenager and I indulged in some
mutual masturbation but after 2 or 3 times I resisted, as I did not
really enjoy it.   I also came to the attention of a couple of old men
in town who used tricks to lure teenage boys to their home to molest
them.  I managed to extricate myself from these situations but I really
think it was these events that made me realize the dangers and possible
trauma to the girls of what I was doing.  Up to that stage I had
justified it by saying to myself that they were always willing partners
and seemed to enjoy the experience so there was nothing wrong with what
I was doing and they were never hurt.  About this time I resolved never
to "do it" again.



Chapter 6.   PROLOGUE

Toward the end of summer that year, my trips to the river were nearing
an end (I was always a bit of a loner) when I came across a couple with
three small children sunbathing in the nude.  As I was nude also, we
started talking and this finished up with us meeting at the same spot
each weekend.  They explained that they were members of a private
nudist group and had just found this location.

Soon our numbers swelled up to 20 at a time as other members joined
us.  I thoroughly enjoyed this and the opportunities to view girl's
genitals in complete safety that it presented.  Autumn arrived and the
river was no longer an option so we sometimes organized afternoons and
evenings at member's houses.  Sometimes dressed, and sometimes nude.

These were perfectly innocent, just social functions.  I found this was
a way to relieve my voyeuristic and exhibitionistic tendencies, and
very frequent masturbation cured the urges.  I later officially joined
the naturist movement and spent quite a number of happy years as a
member, able to enjoy the sight of naked girls and woman without any
risk.  Within a few years the naturist group had formed a full club
with their own private grounds.

I was quite content over this period and I also started meeting the odd
girl and going to dances.  Strangely, when you consider my sexual
activities with young girl's, when it came too teenage women I never
attempted anything.  I suspect that I felt I had more control with
young girls, and I was more than a bit intimidated by older ones.  I
watched with some jealousy as some of my friends who were much more
mature than I, pick up girls from these dances and go off to their cars
for a short period, knowing full well what they were doing, but never
attempting to do it myself.  In fact it was the possibly of getting
girls pregnant that was a major "turn-off for me".  However time passed
and I was still a virgin, but eventually at the age of 26 I met the
girl who was later to become my wife.  We married when I was 28 and she
was 21.

We continued to belong to the Naturist movement as a family, until one
fateful day we let slip our involvement in the naturist club to my
wife's parents.  Their reaction was so extreme I had no choice but to
resign.  Although I follow the movement with interest and agree with
their ideals, I have never been back as my wife no longer has any
interest and now does not have a great deal of interest in sex.  I
found the natural public nudity was of enormous benefit to me and I am
eternally grateful for that.



APPENDIX:

I must emphasize that I NEVER forced any girl to participate.  I may
have asked, persuaded, entreated, cajoled or bribed etc but in the end
they were willing participants or not at all.  If, after my best
efforts, they were not interested, I never forced them.  I did know of
boys who did and some of my school friends would brag how they had
screwed this girl or that.  Frankly, for me, my main aim had been for
them to enjoy the experience so I could do it again.  If they enjoyed
what I did, they would continue, and I could repeat the experience for
weeks or months, where as forcing them would certainly not achieve
this.  Also I was well aware that if I upset them, they would tell
their parents and this was to be avoided at all costs.

Today: It is over 50 years since the start of the described events and
at the present day, here is where I am now…

Sexual Interest: No change.  I am a Husband and father and believe it
our not; I have been completely faithful and we eventually had two
healthy children both of who are fully-grown and leading productive
lives of their own.  Of course I have fantasies and where necessary, I
relieve the urges with Masturbation and some pornography but my wife
has no knowledge of this.

Voyeurism: No change (it goes with the territory), I still get a real
kick from unexpected glimpses of female genitals, panties etc but that
is as far as it goes or ever will.  (Anyway, what normal men don't?).
Occasionally when on holiday I have the chance (with my wife's
knowledge) to frequent a nudist beach.  She is not interested but has
no problem with me going.

Exhibitionism: More or less gone.  Being nude in the right situation
such as free beaches is now quite enough.

Pedophilia: Once I passed the teenage years, I do not, nor have ever
touched any under-age girls.  I suspect that it is like being an
alcoholic, you are never really cured but you are fine provided you are
aware that you have a problem.  I still enjoy the sight of young naked
girls in controlled situations but that is as far as it will ever go.
I realize what I was doing was wrong and can now accept what I did, so
will never allow myself to be in a situation where I could loose
control.

Here ends my saga.


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