Return-path: <mithryl@walrus.com>

   Date: Sun, 08 Jun 1997 09:32:41 -0400 (EDT)

   From: Mithryl <mithryl@walrus.com>

   Subject: Re: Something that I didn't mention about my project

   To: Joseph Clayton <claytonj@SkyBest.Com>

   Hi, Joe,

   I would never think of you as a scumbag.  I will have to give your

   proposal some thought.  I'm on the road right now.  In the meantime,

   here's something I just posted.  Corrected version.

   NO MISTAKE

   By Cody Ann Michaels

   c.  All rights reserved.

   "Fashion passes.  Style remains." -- Coco Chanel

   "You must treat the past like a whore." -- Karl Lagerfeld

   M E M O

   To: Supreme Allied Command

   From: Cody

   Subject: MY MOTHER WAS NOT A MISTAKE!

   Okay.  So she's a whore who slept with every serviceman from here

   to Okinawa.  A quintessential camp follower.  Homestead.  Fort Benning.

   Parris Island...  You name it.  Bragg.  And boy, did they ever -- once

   upon a time.  But that was before Kelly Flin n, the million dollar
bomber.

   Now it's a whole new ballgame.  Right?

   But at the time, there weren't any mistakes.  Although, I don't

   know.  Mom used to say that if these guys made war the way they did
love,

   she could see why it took five hundred thousand of them to whip Saddam

   Hussein.  Anything less and we'd all be speak ing Iraqi.

   I hate to write on the run.  Right now, I'm traveling, doing

   research for my next novel.  (I was thinking of calling it American

   Agenda, but I may change it to "Toke-ville: Hypocracy in America." Get

   it?  DeToqueville?  Democracy in America?  That may b e a little subtle.


   Write and tell me what you think.) It's hard, however, to keep silent on

   the spectacle of our top military doormen as they dribble into the

   microphones about their "mistakes." I could care less who the generals

   sleep with.  They could be doing it in the road with dogs, and it would

   be totally appropriate.  But couldn't they show some class?

   I mean, only Americans would to be so totally bottom as to call a

   love affair a mistake.  Can you imagine a French general saying that
about

   his mistress?  Ou la mistake!  Oui We.  Oink.

   As an example of how far the devolution has progressed, I refer

   you to a novel by Ernest Hemmingway, called, I believe, "Across the
River

   and Into the Trees." Maybe 1947.  After the war.  Not his best piece of

   writing, but it's about an American general who has a love affair with a

   beautiful Italian chick a quarter his age.  Whatever you may say of
Papa,

   not in a million years would he have used the words "affair" and
"mistake"

   in the same sentence -- or book!

   Was Madame Pompador a mistake?  And what about that great military

   lover, Dwight Eisenhower?  How about King David?  Whoops, sorry, God.

   Bathsheba was a mistake.  And what about Cole Porter?  "Goodbye and
Amen.

   Here's hoping we meet now and then.  It w as great fun, but it was just

   one of those mistakes????"

   These guys are pathetic.

   Take Mike Bowers.  What a wanker.  It's true he was only a

   national guard general.  I won't go into the stories regular Army guys

   tell in bed about national guard brass.  It's too cruel.  But Bowers,

   besides being a weekend warrior, was also the Georgia attorney general
who

   persecuted homosexuals for having sex in their own bedrooms.  Now he's

   running for governor.  So he's announcing his adultery before anyone
else

   does.  "There is no mistake that I have ever made which has caused more

   pain..." etc.  etc .  "...no excuse for my behavior." Yeah.  Right. 
Sure,

   Mike.  In other words, the pain you caused as a bigot was entirely

   intentional.  Excuse me while I vomit.

   But, of course, the most entertaining example of military morality

   now current is that of General Joseph Ralston, the Joint Chiefs vice

   chairman (at least they got that title right), whose being promoted as

   next leader of the pack.  Unfortunately, in the 1980s, he had an
affair...

   excuse me, a mistake with a woman who wasn't his wife when someone else

   was.  This violation of military law, as we all know now, after the
Kelly

   Flinn aff...mistake, is no longer considered a great career booster.

   Instead, it has become the new love that dare not speak its name.

   To be truthful, I don't know if Ma ever had a mistake with General

   Ralston.  The different Uncle Generals and Uncle Colonels who came to
our

   apartment tend to run together in my head.  Then, too, we moved around a

   lot.  She was in special services.  Mom put herself through West Point

   because she couldn't afford to go to a good school.  Now she's a lawyer.


   General Ralston, meanwhile, is in the same Air Force as Kelly

   Flinn.  Small world isn't it?  Unlike Kelly, however, whoever was in

   charge of the general's privates apparently did not ask him if he and
his

   girl friend were having sex.  Remember, that was the excuse they used to

   cover themselves when the shit hit the Times.  An Air Force general went

   before Congress and testified that Kelly Flinn was being court martialed

   because she lied about her sex life to her superior officer.  Adultery
was

   just a side issue.  How could you let a woman fly a B-52 who wouldn't

   admit she was putting out?

   To be truthful, in Kelly Flinn's case, I don't have a lot of

   sympathy for a chick who's top goal in life is dropping bombs on people
in

   third world countries.  So the fact that she got trashed by her own
people

   may be simple justice -- the Nixon-Al Capon e principle; if you can't
get

   them for what they did, get them any way you can.

   Besides lying, this also included disobeying an order to stop

   seeing Marc Zigo, her garbage boy friend, who, by the time it was made,

   she was living with.  On the other hand, no one -- with the possible

   exception of his wife -- appears to have ordered Ge neral Ralston to
stop

   seeing his lover, even though it seems to have been common knowledge
that

   they were a pretty hot item.  Nor did the Air Force haul in this comfort

   woman, as it did Zigo, and force her to describe in living color the

   different times she and Ralson went at it, complete with floor plans of

   wherever it was they did do it.  It puts a whole new spin on the phrase

   "Don't ask, don't tell." In fact, so far, there seems to be a lot of

   "don't tell" cloaking Ralston's mistake, possibly because the gen eral

   hasn't told the truth, which, if he were a woman, the Air Force would

   probably call "lying."

   As I said, I would like to dwell more on the sex habits of

   military primitives, but there is too much conflict going on right now
in

   my own life.  This will have to do.  The nature of the beast being what
it

   is, I'm sure there will be many more opportuni ties.

   In any case, if it was up to me, I would be cautious when it comes

   to trying to inflict celibacy on the military.  It must be getting
pretty

   steamy around the Pentagon about now, now that the big guys can't do the

   one thing they do really well, which is brag about their mistakes.  Most

   don't have a whole lot to do with their hands, nor much imagination,

   either.  It could get pretty hairy if they start looking around for

   something occupy their spare time to take the place of mistakes.  I
mean,

   what else d o they have to play with, except some tanks, airplanes, and

   about a gazillion nuclear warheads?  A sexually deprived general could

   correct a lot of mistakes with stuff like that.

   
