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A Change of Direction: An Alternative Ending to Mike
Allegretto's Change of Pace

  1997 by Tigger

Based upon and derived from the situations and characters
developed by Mike Allegretto and Caitlin B. in their
collaborative story, "A Change of Pace", posted 2/16/97
on ASSTG.   Written and published  with the express permission 
of the original authors.  No archiving or redistribution of
this work is permitted without this copyright attribution
included, intact and complete, in the posting/archiving. 
Archiving/publication of this author's work on any system that
requires payment in any form is prohibited by the author and
is in violation of my copyright to Chapters 7 and beyond.

The following is a work of erotic fiction.  It is
intended for the entertainment of mature, legally adult
individuals living in areas where the possession and enjoyment
of such material is legal.  If you are not legally an
adult, or if such material is not legal in your locale, then
you are violating a trust as well as the law. Please leave
now.

The first three characters of my reply to address are random as a
result of the vicious email spam I have been subjected to since I
began posting.  Please reply to 

tigger@alices.com.

A Change of Direction
Chapter 20

Graduation day finally arrived and Jacqui took the top honors
in Science and Mathematics.  She missed out on one of the top
three slots overall because her single minded focus in her
strong areas resulted in a couple of "B"'s in other courses. 
Still, she and her Mother were proud of her accomplishments. 
Jacqui's only real regret was that Bonnie, as Bronwyn, was
seated in the auditorium as a guest and was not beside her on
the stage.

Only after the ceremony had concluded and she had joined her
Mom and Bronwyn for the reception did Jacqui realize how
remarkable that fact was.  Her *only* regret about this day's
events had nothing to do with the circumstances of her
Transformation, but rather with the simple fact that she
missed a presence that only she and her Mother now remembered. 
Pensively, she tried to reconcile that with how she had
thought she'd feel.  Perhaps, she thought, I feel this way
because *this* part of my life was really not changed.  Heck,
Jack probably would have not done as well as I did, since he
would have had a lot more distractions to deal with, given the
NCAA offer and all.  No, this day, in any case, she was where
she would have been, regardless of the Transformation, and it
really did not make a difference to her that she was wearing a
dress and heels instead of a suit and tie.

Happily, she posed with her friends from the basketball team,
and other girls she had grown fond of over the year.  Tamika
was there in a cast, but she was there.  Jacqui felt proud of
her part in that.

She posed with Marcus, and even slipped in a little kiss that
her Mother dutifully caught on film.  But the best picture of
all, was the one Marcus took of her, standing between her Mom
and Bronwyn.  What made that picture so special was so simple
it was complicated.  In that instant Jacqui knew, that
regardless of what she did or decided, she would forever after
treasure that picture and that memory.  Her Mom.  Her Best
Friend.  Herself.  All of them together and happy.

The festivities and celebration went long into the night,
ending with the three exhausted women snuggled together in
Laurie's bed.


Excerpt from the Journal of Miss Jacqui Donovan

10 months 17 days A. T.

I am a High School Graduate.

Mom and Bronwyn went out of their way to make the day extra
special and the gifts were wonderful.  Bronwyn gave me a
"blank check" for the laptop computer of my choice for
college, since she was "certain she'd buy exactly the wrong
thing."

Mom gave me a gift certificate at the clothing store she knows
I like so that I can go buy my own college clothes.  Said she
trusted my taste and wanted me to be comfortable at college.  
She also said that I had learned everything I need to know
about being a "very girly-type girl".  I *think* that she
intended that to be a compliment.  Knowing Mom, it probably
was although Jack is still squirming over it.

I cast my first solo illusion spell today, too.  I wasn't mean
about it, either.  Although I did want to do something to that
damn principal.  I thought about it, too.  I still wonder what
would have happened if everyone in the auditorium saw him in a
miniskirt.  Mom would have had conniptions, though.  So, I did
a nice thing, instead.  One of the really lonely guys at
school got a kiss on the cheek today from the girl he has a
horrendous crush on.  Which he would not have gotten otherwise
because she is a snooty, stuck-on-herself bitch.  Actually, it
was me.  Since I am a girl, the "fool the eye-only" limitation
on illusions was not a problem.  Even if my looks were the
only thing altered, and only in the eyes of my beholders, a
girl still feels like a girl when you get hugged.  And since a
lot of folks saw "me"/her do it, she is having to pretend to
like the guy or get teased mercilessly by her "ours doesn't
stink" clique of friends.  He's a nice person - maybe some of
that will rub off on her.

I am going to try another, more complicated illusion later on,
for my eyes only.

Oh, I forgot my best present.  Mom demanded to know my most
secret fantasy.  I think I shocked her when I mumbled
something about tying her to the bed, but she went right along
with it.  I was right, though, she *is* beautiful all
stretched out tight like that.  Her skin is so different from
mine, all golden and light where I look like a beach bunny
with an all over tan.  I loved watching the play and strain of
her muscles under her glistening skin as Bronwyn and I pulled
her tight with the scarves we used to tie her up.  Frankly
though, once I had her that way, I was at something of a loss
as to what to do next.  Fortunately, Bronwyn was not at a
loss.  She had these incredible, long feathers with her.  I
never knew that Mom was *that* ticklish or that you could make
someone climax from tickling.

I found out those little facts later in the evening, first
hand. Mom's not the only ticklish member of this family who
can be forced to an orgasm (okay, *several* orgasms) with
tickle torture.  Mom exacted her revenge on me as soon as we
set her loose.  She and Bronwyn ganged up on me (so what if I
did not fight *too* hard) and had me gasping with laughter -
and orgasms in very short order.  Love and Laughter - it is
not a bad combination.  I would never have thought so as Jack. 
I wonder if that was because of my male ego or my male
dignity?

Bronwyn slipped out of getting her turn with the feathers,
though.  Mom and I were just too shagged to take her down
after they'd finished with me, but I have an excellent memory. 
An excellent imagination, too, and the mental image of the
cool, reserved Bronwyn nearly peeing her panties in laughter
is too much to resist.

You know what?  I just realized. I am actually happy. 
Amazing.

End of Journal Entry.


****************
Laurie decided to take advantage of Jacqui's apparent absence
to take a peek in her room.  She needed to check out her
daughter's wardrobe for any missing college necessities. 
Without announcing herself in any way,  Laurie entered her
daughter's supposedly empty room.

And nearly had her heart stop.

There, standing in front of the mirror, was the son she had
not seen in nearly a year.  She almost spoke his name aloud,
but her heart was beating so fast, she could not get the word
out.  She just stood there, looking at him.  How had he done
it?  Had Bronwyn discovered a way to break her enchantment? 
Perhaps by calling upon the sum total of the entire
Sisterhood's power, her friend had found a way to break that
benighted, misguided spell.

Odd how he looked now - easily recognizable as her son, but
different somehow.  What was it, she wondered.  Then it hit
her.  The skin color - it was the color of Jacqui's skin, the
dark olive tones of their gypsy ancestors and not the lighter
skin shade of Jack's Scandinavian father.  It was then that
Jack noticed her reflection in the mirror.  "Looks all wrong,
doesn't it, Mom?" came the soft alto voice of her daughter. 
An instant later, her son was again replaced by the daughter
he had become.  "I can't even remember how I used to look."
she said with an ironic twist to her full lips.  "I've tried
that illusion countless times since I finally got the hang of
the magic.  I have been trying to remember what it felt like
to look like Jack, but I can't even remember enough about my
own face to make a passable illusion of myself.  Every time I
try it, I come out as some amalgamation of Jack and Jacqui."

"Is that so very bad?  Jacqui is a very nice, very attractive
person."

"Thanks.  I love you, too, but the point is I don't know Jack
anymore.  At least, I don't know the Jack I used to be
anymore.  Who will he be, Mom, in that future time when he is
once again who I am?"

Once again who you are, Laurie thought morosely.  The question
that had haunted her for months, of what had not gone right
for her daughter reared again.  What made her daughter long so
fervently for the male life she'd lost the night Laurie had
Transformed her?  For her daughter, though, she made the
effort to lock that hurt deep inside her soul and to keep a
positive spin on her words.  "He will be the sum total of your
experiences, good and bad, my love.  Those are what will have
shaped the person you will become.  In your case, they will be
part male and part female; boy-child, adolescent male, and
teenage girl, young woman.  If you think about the richness of
that range of experiences, then whoever he becomes, my love,
he will be a very formidable person."  Almost as formidable as
the woman you could become if only you could find your way to
making that choice.  We will need you so badly when the Dark
Time comes.  "Now, would you like some help with that
illusion?  Illusion casting is not my forte, but I suspect
that my memories of what Jack looked like are a little less
distorted by recent experiences than yours are.  I can help
mold the illusionary features for you, if you like."

"You'd do that, Mum?  I mean, I know you really want me to
stay as Jacqui."

"Not if it makes you unhappy, Jacqui.  I cast my spell
thinking you would be as happy with your new life as I have
been with the one my Mother gave me.  I never wanted to go
back to being Larry, just as many of my friends never wanted
anything but their new lives. But now, I accept the fact that
you do want to go back.  You are my child and I love you.  I
want your happiness above all else.  Now, do you want to try
the illusion again?"

In the light of her Mother's stark sincerity, the need that
had been compelling Jacqui to try the illusion waned.  If, in
the final analysis, the new Jack was a combination of the best
parts of the old Jack and the best parts of Jacqui, she could
live with that.  "Maybe some other time, Mom.  I don't think
it matters any more, thanks to what you just said.  So, what
brings you into my room, Mum?  Wanna borrow some of my
clothes?"

Relieved by the change of subject, Laurie snorted and gave her
daughter a mocking glare.  "As if I could wear anything of
yours, you busy wench.  Goddess, I would look like a little
girl playing dress-up in *her* mother's clothes trying to fit
into your things.  No, I was just wondering what you still
might need for college."   After all, Jacqui's "birthday" is
just around the corner, she thought.

Excerpt from the Journal of Miss Jacqui Donovan

1 Year A. T.

Mom and Bronwyn threw a gala surprise birthday party today for
me.  At least that's what they called it for the benefit of
the girls from the basketball team and for Marcus.  Actually,
as the date above this entry indicates, today marks the one
year anniversary of the day I found myself changing into Agent
Scully's hermaphroditic twin.  Of course, we can't tell
anybody else about *that*, so instead it was birthday cake,
presents and many refrains of "Happy Birthday".  It was still
pretty cool.  And I am *really* looking forward to my birthday
spanking from Mom and Bronwyn, but *that* comes later! 

Marcus gave me a lovely bracelet, with his and my initials
engraved on it, the letters intertwined.  I am really not sure
how to handle this relationship or the feelings he evokes in
me.  He is becoming very important to me.  What will happen to
his memories when I change back?  And does it really matter? 
Jack is straight line straight.  And I don't think I can be
friends with Marcus - not after. . . Well, not after
everything.

Well, I am not going to worry about that - not right now,
anyway.  I only have a few minutes before Marcus gets here to
take me dancing.  

I am really curious about the two gift wrapped packages that
Mom has squirreled away in her bedroom, though.  She won't let
me open them, or even have them in my hot little hands until
the three of us are alone in her bedroom.  Then I can open
them.  She had a very sexy look in her eye when she told me
that, too.  If I did not like going dancing with Marcus so
much, I would be pounding on her door right now.  

Oh, and Bronwyn gave me my first shape shifting lesson today. 
I don't think this is going to be as easy to learn as illusion
casting.  A whole *hour* of lessons and exhausting repetition
and what did I accomplish?  Changed my nails - made them a bit
longer and a different color.  HAH!  I can almost do that
without magic. 

Oh well. Mom just called, Marcus is here.  Time for my grand
entrance.  I wonder what he will think of this leather
miniskirt?  No time like the present to find out. 

And no.  I *don't* have the panty girdle on underneath the
skirt.  I don't think I need it anymore with Marcus.  Besides,
this skirt is so short, the girdle would show.

End Journal entry.


Excerpt from the Journal of Miss Jacqui Donovan
1 year, 1 day A. T.

Well, I did not *quite* need the smelling salts, but it was a
near thing.  Poor dear almost hyperventilated when I came
down.  I think I may have flashed him.  The skirt *is* short
and the steps *are* steep.

As to the wearing or not wearing of the panty girdle chastity
belt, that little concern was much ado about not much at all. 
We are definitely going to have to plan this more carefully.
Finding a place where Marcus and I can be alone *and*
comfortable is a definite priority before we can start working
on training his mouth for use on lips other than the ones on
my face.  His car does not fulfill the comfort requirement. 
There is not even enough room for him to get his face properly
in position for a little oral loving.  Darn compact cars,
anyway.

I practiced my own oral technique, though.  Even though he was
*very* excited, I managed to string him out quite nicely. 
Teasing is fun.   Following through afterwards is even more
fun.  He tried to reciprocate with his hands afterwards, but
he needs the same type of gentling lessons I needed
immediately after Transformation, but he's a quick study, my
Marcus.  Motivated, too.

As for me, I have a date in Mom's bedroom later to open those
two presents she would not let me open in front of company. 
All we are waiting for is Bronwyn to arrive.  Mom has this cat
who is going to eat the canary look on her face every time she
looks at me.   Sounds like fun to me. Tweet tweet. Here,
kitty-kitty.

End Journal Entry.

***************
"Well." Bronwyn said with feeling as she kicked the wadded
ball of gift wrapping paper away from her chair. "That
certainly was a fun time for all concerned.   Not." She took a
long sip from the brandy snifter cradled in her palm and let
its fiery warmth burn through the knot of anxiety still
curling inside her.

"Not at all what I expected, either.  But my daughter often
reacts the way I least expect her to react.  Goddess, when I
remember how excited we were when we were planning this whole
fiasco, I almost want to laugh.  I would, too, if I did not
feel so much like crying." 

"The healing spell you put on her will keep her asleep and
dreaming good dreams for the rest of the night, Laurel.  I
expect, given a little time and a little distance, she will be
fine.  We just pushed a button tonight and found out that it
was not wired the way we thought it was.  Who would have
thought, given the girl's boundless enthusiasm and innocent
pleasure in every other sexy game we have introduced to her,
that she would have gone over the edge because of this one?"
Bronwyn shook her head in frustration.  It had actually been
*her* idea and it had gone very badly, indeed.  "What are you
going to do with them?" Bronwyn asked as she gestured at the
bed with her snifter.

Laurie turned to regard the jumbled mass of leather and metal
lying on top of her bed along side a moderately sized, but
life-like artificial penis.  "I don't know.  Keep them, I
guess." She would just as soon never have seen them in her
life.  "Knowing my headstrong child, as soon as she recovers
from the shock of whatever happened tonight, she is going to
feel humiliated by her reaction in front of us.  She'll decide
she has to face her "weakness" head on, and will insist on
having them.  Eventually, she will get used to them being
around and that will help, too."

"Not one to cower for very long, is she?" Bronwyn smiled. 
"Too bad she has figured out about Bonnie. An "un-involved",
sympathetic friend might do her a lot of good tomorrow." A
thought struck Bronwyn that she did not like much at all.  "Do
you think that she reacted so strongly because we were the
ones who gave it to her?"

"Trying to make up for taking one penis away from her by
giving her a substitute?  If that was a problem, it was only a
small part of the puzzle - there is something else there I
haven't figured out, yet.  Besides, you and I know that was
not the case.  We were only thinking of this game as a natural
progression of the woman-to-woman lovemaking she enjoys with
us, but I would say that is not quite how she saw it."

"Good thing we decided against the locking harness.  I shudder
to think what would have happened if we had needed keys to
shuck her out of that thing." Bronwyn took her last sip of
brandy.  "What now?  She still needs to learn the lesson we
intended to teach with those toys.  She needs to learn how to
enjoy the passive side of making love.  Not that I mind her
"let me do that for you, too" attitude in bed, but it's like
she is cutting herself off from anything she perceives as
submissiveness to anything masculine." Bronwyn snorted.
"Goddess, even when she sucks Marcus off, she is in charge. 
The only time she ever lets go completely is when you or I tie
her down first, and then she insists on quid pro quo later so
she can try and outdo us."

Laurie shook her head.  "I don't know, Bronwyn.  As I said, I
think she will come around because she simply cannot abide
weakness.  The lesson we may have to teach her is that loving
submission is not a weakness." Laurie stood up and rolled her
head about, trying to relax the stress in her shoulders and
back.  "For now, I think I will go crawl into bed with her. 
She probably won't be happy to see me when she wakes up, but I
don't want her to be alone if bad dreams do come."

"Mind another bed mate, tonight?  I don't much want to be
alone, myself." Bronwyn asked.

"Nothing I'd like better.  If she wakes up mad, you can catch
your fair share of the chewing out she is going to lay on my
poor head." Laurie stood and held out her hand to Bronwyn. 
Together, they walked out into the hall.

*************
Something was tickling Jacqui's nose.  Eyes still closed, she
tried to reach up with her hand to brush it away, only to
discover that her arm was being weighed down.  Waking with a
start, she realized she was not alone in bed.  Cracking open
one eye, she saw a halo of pale, blonde hair arrayed on the
pillow in front of her.  Bronwyn, she thought. That meant that
the soft, warm body pressing up behind her was Mother.

And then she remembered the night before, and realized why
they were all here in her bed, and not in her Mother's much
larger one.

As they had all planned the day before, Jacqui had joined her
Mother and Bronwyn in her Mother's room shortly after Bronwyn
had arrived.  Both her Mom and Bronwyn had already been
dressed in very sexy nightgowns when they had ushered Jacqui
into the master suite.  With great ceremony, the two older
women had made a real production out of stripping Jacqui down
to the skin.  Of course, they did not resist any opportunity
to taste or touch any newly uncovered bit of skin, so by the
time they had Jacqui fully naked, they also had her fully
aroused.  It was at this point, that her Mother had presented
her with the first of the two packages she had teased Jacqui
with the night before.

With all the delicacy and patience of a starving woman at a
banquet, Jacqui had fallen upon the wrapping paper and had
turned the beautifully wrapped package into brightly colored
confetti in mere seconds.  What was in the box, though
remained a mystery to her even when she held it in her hands
and examined it thoroughly.  Once it became obvious that she
had no idea what the device was, her Mother and Bronwyn had
come to her aid and assisted her in donning the harness.  

Jacqui first thought was that it was some kind of kinky
bondage toy, and that they would use it to supplement the
scarves that had become a regular part of their play over the
summer.  The new harness was been made of wide leather straps. 
One strap fit tightly around her waist, just above her
hipbones, while two matching straps buckled about each of her
thighs, just below the crease where her legs met the buttocks. 
Fine-linked, silvery chrome chains connected the thigh straps
to the waist belt.  Her Mother and Bronnie had been determined
to make sure that all the straps and adjustable chains were
tightened as much as they could be and still be comfortable
for her.  The fourth strap was the one that had really
surprised her. 

It attached in the front of the waist belt, right at her
navel, and hung down.  There was some type of thick, metal
ring in the strap, a little less then midway down the leather
length.  From the ring, two thinner straps dangled.  The two
women had been very particular in adjusting the front
connection of that strap so that the ring rested just so over
her woman's mound, and then they had pulled the two dangling
leathers up between her legs.  Each of those straps had been
pulled, ruthlessly under the crease of each buttock and had
been connected to buckles at her sides.  The effect, as Mother
and friend had strained to cinch up tightly on the straps, was
to nearly split her puss in two, while also lifting and
separating the muscular, rounded half moons of her ass.

Actually, that had all been pretty exciting, Jacqui admitted
to herself.  When they had brought her the next package, she
had hoped it contained something that would complete her
bondage, maybe a set of hand cuffs, or shackles.  It hadn't.

Her fingers had gone nerveless when she had pulled the latex
sex toy out of the box.  She remembered thinking that it was
both thicker and shorter than hers, or rather Jack's had been. 
Bronwyn had interpreted her sudden lack of animation as
confusion, because she'd slipped the fake dick out of Jacqui's
hands and then snapped it into the ring above Jacqui's pubis.

Mother and Bronwyn had then all but shoved her in front of the
wall mirror to admire her new "look".  They'd been surprised
at Jacqui's response.  Maybe shocked was a better word.

Jacqui had simply lost her composure all together.  She'd
grabbed hold of the dildo and had tried to pull it off. 
Failing in that only because the harness was doing what it was
designed to do, holding the toy solidly in place, she had
flailed ineffectually at the myriad of buckles and catches -
screaming her head off at her Mother to "Get this damned thing
off me!"

Neither her Mother nor Bronwyn had been able to calm her
enough to get their hands on any of the buckles.  Finally,
she'd felt the touch of her Mother's magic, and had slipped
into sleep.

Why had she gone off the deep end, like that?  Why had the
simple symbolic reminder of her former masculine state send
her off the deep end?  She thought she had gotten beyond
feeling like that.  Hadn't she learned to handle her feminine
needs?  She was practically having an affair with a man -
enjoying it, too. 

Part of it had been the verbal teasing from her Mother and
Bronwyn.  Bronwyn's comment that "We thought you might want to
keep in practice, just in case you do decide to change back to
good old Jack." was one thing.  Had Jacqui not been so off
balanced by the scenario, she probably would have been able to
deal with it in the manner Bronwyn had intended it - as a
lighthearted jest at her expense, and as a bit of a challenge,
too.

Unfortunately, before Jacqui had a chance to handle that
remark, her Mother had chimed in.  "And she needs more than
practice, Bronnie." Laurie had said with an air of determined
resignation.  "Unlike us when we were Transformed, our little
darling has a hymen.  That means Jack never got it on with a
girl, so we will have to teach her everything."

Up until that moment, Jacqui had not understood the
significance of her possession of a hymen, at least as having
one related to being a Transformed woman.  She had thought
that it was just one of those things; that being "reborn" as a
woman meant "everything old was new again".  Apparently not,
and that meant that her *Mother* knew Jack was a virgin.  He'd
been a Junior in school, for god's sake, and except for that
one time when he might have gotten it on with the girl, he'd
never been inside a woman.

And the crowning humiliation was that his Mother, as Larry,
had done what Jack never had.  His Mother knew things he did
not know.  And so did Bronwyn.  Jack's own penis had been
untested at giving a woman pleasure at the time of his
Transformation.  And the problem was, that no matter what
happened after she learned the Transformation Spell, Jack
would never be able to match what that unfeeling piece of
rubber could do for a woman.  It would never go soft before
giving the woman her pleasure.  It would never finish too
soon, leaving his partner high and dry. It would never become
too sensitive or tender to continue.


Thoughts and feelings whirled in a dizzying maelstrom about
her head.  Rolling onto her back, Jacqui closed her eyes again
and tried to calm herself.  The deep breathing and meditation
exercises her Mother had taught her as part of her healer
training finally worked.  Gradually, her mind slowed, and
coherent thought returned.

She worked at viewing the process more objectively.  The
relaxation exercises had eased the tension in mind and body. 
She stretched to relieve the final kinks.

"Good morning," a soft voice mumbled beside her.  Soft hands
began stroking her hair.  "How do you feel?"

A bubble of helpless laughter escaped Jacqui, causing her
Mother some concern.  "Better, actually." She considered a
moment before adding, "Pretty good, in fact." She rolled to
face her Mother and gave her a hug and kiss.  "MMMMmmmm, you
taste good." she cooed.  "I have been laying here trying to
work out what happened last night."

Forcing herself to keep her voice light, Laurie asked, "And
have you come to any conclusions?"

"None that I am very proud of."  Her Mother's hand gently
stroked her hair and some more of the tension relaxed.  Maybe
talking it out with her Mother would help ease the
embarrassment that Jack, and Jacqui, still felt.  "You know
that I . . . umm, Jack was a virgin?" Laurie nodded as she
watched her daughter's eyes.  "Until last night, I did not
understand what being a real virgin meant in my current state. 
And it never occurred to me that you hadn't been a virgin when
you were. . .well, when you were Larry."  Jacqui tried to look
away, embarrassed all over again at the admission.

Laurie took the girl's chin in her hand and drew it back so
their eyes met.  Soft love and understanding shown in her
Mother's eyes.  "Does that really matter so very much,
darling?"

Jacqui swallowed, and tried to find words to express her
feelings.  "Maybe in a perfect world, it wouldn't. But the
fact remains that I was almost eighteen and never made out
with a girl." Then her eyes darkened with stormy emotion. 
"And YOU *knew*!"

Laurie chuckled at the ringing condemnation in her daughter's
voice.  "And I had never been a female virgin, either.  Your
old Mom had gone where you never had.  Is that it?"

Jacqui flushed and then nodded jerkily. "All those little male
fears and insecurities never went away, I guess.  I never felt
the confidence that comes with having "proven myself" with a
woman. Some of it was that, anyway.  Couple that with the fact
that Jack could never hope to compete with that toy and you
have the greater part of what went wrong."

Laurie gently kissed the girl's forehead.  "Let me ask you a
question.  Have you made love with Bronwyn and me?" Unsure
where this was leading, Jacqui tentatively nodded that she
had.  "And have you given us countless orgasms?  Made us
scream shamelessly with pleasure?"

A very smug, self satisfied and nearly male grin slid across
the girl's features.  "Damn right I have." she answered
arrogantly.

"So, I would assume that, after you go back to being Jack, you
are not going to forget how to do that?"  Jacqui shook her
head emphatically, her eyes wide with wonder and
understanding.  "Then how in the name of the Goddess can you
be inadequate?  Making love to a woman is infinitely more than
the mere act of sticking a dick in her pussy." Her Mother's
crude words sent Jacqui's brows lifting into her hairline. 
Laurie continued, pressing her advantage.  "It really is
pretty absurd, when you think about it *logically.*" the word
dripped with trenchant irony, "Here you are, fully female, but
feeling male inadequacies in comparison to a marital aid and
to your very happily female Mother.  Jacqui, my girl, get a
grip, will you?" 

Jacqui's mouth made an "O" as she stared at her Mother. 
Finally, her sense of the ridiculous won over her sense of
shock.  She chuckled softly to herself at the images her
Mother had painted across her mind's eye.

Much of the remaining tension in Jacqui's body relaxed. 
Sighing, she snuggled up closer to her Mother.  "The rest of
it was all the little hurts I did not know I still felt as a
result of the Transformation.  Like - "Why me?" or "What was
not good enough about me that I needed to be changed this
way?"  All those little things that I know, intellectually
anyway, had nothing to do with your decision, but that still
niggle at me when I am alone in the dark.  And I guess I felt
cheated, looking there in the mirror, seeing an image with
real breasts and a man-made penis, and knowing that no matter
how good it would feel, it would not be what I would feel if I
still was Jack."

"Am I to assume from your more serene demeanor," which
Laurie's healer instincts sensed was the way the girl actually
felt, "that you have dealt with most of that?" 

"Yes.  Although I wish I knew, right now, what making love to
a woman felt like as a man." Jacqui sighed, "It might make so
many things clearer and more simple."

"Even if I remembered how it felt, *which I don't*, dear, it
is something that can only be experienced.  I can only tell
you that in my case, at least, it paled in comparison to what
I experienced as the woman being made love to by a man."

Jacqui smiled at the wistful tone in her Mother's voice and
cuddled closer.  "Wishes and horses, Mum.  I can tell you,
that jerking off as Jack never felt as good as what Jacqui
does to me with her fingers.  Which pales in comparison to
what you and Bronwyn make me feel when we are together." And
she started kissing her Mother a little more seriously as that
memory aroused her.

Their passion awoke Bronwyn who was soon actively
participating.  Nothing further was said by any of the women
for a long time.  Mouths had better uses at that moment than
merely speaking.

Excerpt from the Journal of Miss Jacqui Donovan

1 Year 2 days A. T.

I am still kind of embarrassed at how I reacted to that gift. 
Mom and Bronwyn were so pleased with themselves and all ready
for a good time and then I went ballistic on them.  I am still
not sure I completely understand why I did.

Much of it is as I told Mom.  We talked some more after our
morning romp (making love with two other women in a too small
bed can be very friendly, although you do have to watch where
you put your knees.  You can bruise tender areas that way)

The harness and dildo are now in my room so that I can see
always see them, or hold them or touch them periodically.  For
now, I just want to get more comfortable with the whole idea. 
Mom and Bronwyn have promised that I, alone, decide if and
when those toys ever come out to play again.  

After some quiet time for reflection, though, I sensed there
was more to the gift than just another neat toy to add spice
to our lovemaking.  I asked Bronwyn about that and she gave me
a funny look before shrugging.  Seems the two witch women have
decided that I need to let loose of my controls a little more. 
Bronwyn said I need to try being more passive in my
lovemaking, if only for the experience.  "You don't always
have to be in charge like Jack evidently was on his dates."
she said.  "You need to experience letting someone else
control the action, and let that person *make* you cum.  If
only so you will understand both sides of the experience."

That is part of the problem, although I could not admit that
to Bronwyn.  Jack *wasn't* in control on his dates.  That is
why he is still a virgin and I am still a virgin.  Of course,
there was that one time with Dani Evers.  We had planned to
"do it" at her place while her folks were out on a date.  God,
I'd been so ready and so nervous.

Unfortunately, I was not the only one.  By the time we got to
her bedroom, poor Dani was almost frantic - and not with the
urgency to consummate our union.  She was white as a sheet.  I
remember she had worn black lingerie and it made her pallor
look even worse.

Then, she started crying.  Jack had never lost a hard on so
fast without cumming.  She was terrified.  Terrified of being
found out by her parents.  Terrified of getting pregnant. 
Hell, terrified of Jack.  He ended up playing "big brother"
and telling her it was all right.  She finally fell asleep and
Jack let himself out.  So ended Jack Donovan's first and last
real chance at conjugal bliss.

Maybe Bronwyn is right, though, at least about being in charge
in the bedroom.  I like it, and I don't know if I would much
like just "taking it".  I probably will try to do it that way,
though.  Bronwyn, the sneaky, underhanded, loving little witch
knows me too well.  She made it a dare.

I just don't know if I am going to try being "passive" with
that harness on someone else, though.  That is going to take
some heavy thinking, before I do that with anyone - even Mom
or Bronwyn.

And it is not because I don't trust them, or don't think they
would make the experience wonderful for me that I don't want
to use them to use those things on me.  Mostly it's because I
did not get to try the real thing as Jack.  If and when Jacqui
loses her virginity, I'd like to have the real thing that
first time.  

Not that I am ready for that, in any case.  As comfortable as
I _think_ I have become with my femininity, Jack is still a
big part of me, and he has a problem with it.  I don't blame
him, either, it is a big step.  Certainly for me as
Transformed woman, anyway.

Why?  Well you may ask.  It is simply this.  The part of me
that is still Jack, still heterosexual male, is dead set
against doing it. That is a substantial obstacle for my
desires in that regard to have to overcome.  Only a monumental
need to have a man inside me could get me past Jack's
intransigence.  I would have to be in love with that man
before I would be able to get past that and have intercourse
with him.  And if I love him enough to make love with him, how
could I leave him and become Jack again?  

The _really_ uncomfortable thing about this whole line of
reasoning is that falling in love with a man, and making love
with a man, do not seem to be quite as impossible as either of
those ideas did a year ago.

Jack is *not* liking this discussion at all.  Well, I don't
feel that way about any man right now, if that is any
consolation, Jack.  

Oh well, college starts in a few weeks.  That should keep me
busy.

End of Journal Entry.


Continued in Part 15


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