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  This story is part of a series that I've entitled 'Seasons'.  The
series as it stands so far:

 1. Hazy Shade of Winter
 2. Summertime Blues
 3. Season of the Witch
 4. April Showers
 5. The Cruelest Month
 6. The Real World
 7. A Time to Cast Away Stones <still in the works>

Email is always appreciated.  In fact, it provides a large part of
my incentive to write.  :-)

Hawkeye
_______________________________________________________________________

  Do me a favor, and only redistribute this with the following notices
attached.

  Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance between the
characters herein, and any real people living or dead, is purely
because I draw from many sources, real and imaginary.  Chew on that.

(c) 1993 Pure Blue Enterprises.  All rights reserved.  Explicit
permission
granted for electronic re-distribution, without changes.


[v1.0]
                       The Cruelest Month
                      (part 5 of 'Seasons')
                           by Hawkeye

  Saturday morning, I took a _really_ long shower.  One of the nice
things about the dorms was an unlimited supply of hot water, and on
that morning I took advantage of it to its fullest.  I had spent most
of Friday night with Lisa, and had avoided several rather obvious
sexual come-ons from her.  Not because I wasn't interested, far from
it.  But because I felt like a sleaze, and I needed time to think.

  So there I was in the shower on Saturday morning, masturbating.  I
was horny and frustrated and feeling a little sick with myself,
because it was Julie that I was imagining as I stroked myself.  I was
imagining her soft lips, first against mine, and then kissing their
way downwards, downwards, downwards...

  My hands were trembling by then.  I grabbed my cock in my slick
fist,
and pumped it hard, trying to force myself over the brink.

  I imagined Julie's gentle mouth, bobbing up and down, stroking
exquisite softness up and down the length of my cock.  I could feel
the hot push of my rising orgasm.  I pumped my fist vigorously up and
down.  I leaned my arm against the shower wall and stood on my toes,
as my legs and backside flexed with exertion.  I imagined Julie
hollowing her beautiful cheeks and sucking hard on me.

  I exploded a geyser of white across the shower stall.  It hit the
tiled wall and ran down it in long, ropy strands.  The next few shots
weren't so powerful, and fell in the water at my feet.  I kept pumping
until the last few drops squeezed out over my fist.  I leaned back
against the wall, exhausted in the afterglow of orgasm, and let the
hot water beat down on me.

  I didn't feel any better.

+++

  Lisa called me later in the morning.  She sounded a little put out,
and a little curious.  I couldn't blame her for wondering what was
going on - it was unusual, to say the least, for me to ignore her
sexual advances.

  "Sam...  What was going on last night?"

  "Oh, I'm sorry.  I just felt sort of out of it.  I felt almost like
I was getting the flu." I wondered if a quick elaboration of detail
would make the lie sound more, or less, convincing.

  "Aw.  Do you feel better today?"

  "No, not really." Well, at least that much was true.

  "Well..." A touch of concern. "Will you be coming over tonight,
then?"

  "Sure," I said, trying to sound upbeat. "...sure.  But do you mind
if we call it an early night, just for this once?  Hopefully I'll feel
better by tomorrow."

  "Alright, then." She sounded sympathetic.  "I'll see you
tonight."

  I probably should have felt guilty, but I just felt relieved.

+++

  I went out then, to do some thinking.  I always do my best thinking
when I'm walking, and even walking in the muddy park seemed preferable
to pacing back and forth in my room.  I stayed out all afternoon,
partly to avoid being interrupted in my meditations, and partly to
avoid running into Julie or Greg.  Especially since their door was 5
feet away, across the hall from mine.

  That night at Lisa's went a little better than Friday had.  After
thinking about it all day, I was fairly convinced that my episode with
Julie, although it was wrong, didn't mean that I was an evil baby
killing monster.  I felt very loving towards Lisa that night, and we
ended up making out tenderly for hours.

  Lisa began to make noises about wanting more than that, so I went
down on her until she had tears running out of her eyes, and had to
bite her knuckles to stop screaming.  When she recovered, and asked me
if she could do the same for me, I pleaded tiredness, and kissed her
good night.

  It was 1am.  I wasn't the least bit tired.

  I went back to my room, and wondered the hell was wrong with me.
Listening to Lisa screaming passionately like that had always turned
me on fiercely.  I felt as cold as a dead fish.

+++

  The next morning, I felt like I should be safe for the day.  Greg
went to church on Sunday mornings, and he always dropped Julie off at
the bus stop, to catch the 7am back to her own school.  That meant
that I wouldn't have to flee my own dorm to avoid having any
uncomfortable encounters.

  I had spent a restless night.  I kept waking up every couple of
hours, and then tossing and turning until I dozed off fitfully again.
At 8 o'clock, I couldn't be bothered trying to sleep any more.  I
strolled down the hallway with a towel on my shoulder, and went into
the shower.

  Once under the hot water, I started to feel relaxed and alert.
Moreover, the water felt steamy and sensual flowing over my skin.  I
closed my eyes and faced the nozzle, letting the hot water soak into
my hair.  I pushed my hair back out of my face, and realized that I
was slowly getting an erection.  Jerking off in the shower, two
mornings in a row?  Well, if that's the way it's got to be...

  I reached down and took my half-flaccid member in my hand.  With a
few practiced squeezes, I had stimulated it to grow to semi-erect.
I began to stroke the underside with the flat of my fingers, holding
it place with the ball of my thumb.  As it reached almost its full
erection, I gripped it just under the head, between my thumb and
fingers, and began to jerk it gently up and down.

  I was doing quite well, focusing in much more rapidly than usual.
I tried to picture Lisa in my mind--moving her hips under me, moaning
and writhing sensually against me...

  Then I heard a voice.

  "Sam?"

  What?  Oh, no.

  "I know it's you in there, Sam."

  Julie's voice was coming from just on the other side of the curtain.

  "Go away, Julie!"  I was pretty angry, this time.  "What the hell
are
you doing here?"

  "Do you mind if I open this curtain, Sam?"

  "Yes I do fucking mind!"

  "Don't you want to talk to me?  I thought maybe we could talk."

  "No, I don't really want to talk, but you're at least going to talk
from right where you are."

  "Ok." A long pause.

  "Well?  What the hell do you want to talk about then?" I shouted.
"I don't think there *is* anything to talk about." I was really quite
angry, but there was also an absurd fear that she might open the
curtain and see me with my dick in my hand.

  "I thought... maybe you might want to see me again."

  "I'm sorry Julie, but no.  I really don't want to see you again."

  "Didn't I make you happy last Friday?"

  "No!  You *got me off*.  You didn't make me _happy_ at all."

  "Sam," her voice sounded like a sob in her throat.  "Sam..."

  Oh, fer chrissake.  She had seduced me that day.  Caught me off
guard.  Sure, I had been playfully "peeping" on her, but I had never
intended...

  Had I?

  Oh, god, she was crying.  I was standing there in a shower stall
with a
raging hard on, and she was crying.  How do I get into these things?

  I pulled open the curtain a few inches.  She was sitting on floor,
just on the other side of the curtain from me, huddled against the
tiled wall.  She had a towel wrapped around her, and her head was
down on her knees.

  I couldn't reach my robe from there, so I pulled the shower curtain
between us, to cover my lower body, and sat down beside her.  She
didn't look at me.

  "Julie...?"

  She started crying again, and I slipped my arm around her shoulders,
and pulled her against me.  "Julie, Julie," I repeated softly,
stroking
her lovely brown hair.  "Julie... why?"

  She sniffed loudly, and ran her wrist across her nose.  "I'm sorry,
Sam.  I just...  Greg doesn't really act like he loves me, you know?"
She choked a little, and squeezed her eyes shut.  "And I see you and
Lisa - and you're so happy..."

  Me and Lisa, so happy.  I felt an empty pang in my middle.  I pulled
Julie closer, then, because I was more than half certain that I was
going to start crying with her.

  We sat there for maybe 5 minutes or so, just leaning against each
other and thinking about what misery meant to each of us.  On an
impulse, I kissed her bare olive skinned shoulder.  She looked at me
and smiled tearfully.  I smiled back.  Drawn by an irresistible force
of gravity, our mouths slowly came together.

  Despite a bitter feeling in my heart, her mouth still tasted sweet
as ever.  I felt that my soul was being being pulled down an endless
dark tunnel.  I gave in to it.

  As we kissed, I stripped the towel from her torso, and touched her
breasts.  They were small and flat, with deliciously taut nipples.  I
pinched at them, and squeezed them with my hands.  She moaned quietly,
and slid onto her knees on the wet tiles, so that she was kneeling
next
to me in the doorway of the shower stall.  A few stray drops from the
shower had matted her hair, and made her skin shiny and slick.

  She pushed back the shower curtain, then.  She reached between my
legs, and wrapped her slim fingers around my erection.  It had fallen
slightly from its upthrust hardness of a few minutes ago.  Her fingers
squeezed and caressed, and reversed its slow decline.

  I stood, then, and pulled her into the shower with me.  The hot
water beat at our skins, and the steam filled our nostrils.  I pressed
her against the wall, and kissed my way down her chest.  I sucked on
her little button nipples, and bit them with my teeth.  She cried
out, and grabbed my hair with both hands.  I licked her and bit
her and squeezed her with my hands.  She gasped and cried out with
pain and pleasure.

  I put my hand between her thighs, then, and began to massage her
roughly.  She made small whimpering noises as I rubbed her with my
fingers and continued to kiss and bite at her chest.  Her head lolled
back against the tiles, and she squeezed her eyes shut.  She began to
suck hard for breath.

  I stood up then, and pulled her mouth up to mine.  I used my free
hand to guide my cock to her.  She attacked my mouth, sucking my
tongue passionately as she felt my erection poking her.  I began to
push, with a fixed image in my mind of nailing her to the wall.  I
pushed, and met the most terrific resistance I had ever encountered
from an aroused woman.  I pulled away from her passionate kiss.

  "What's the matter?" I asked her.

  "Nothing.  I'm just very tight.  Greg always said so."

  Oh, god, was she ever.  It was like pushing into a clenched fist.  I
grunted with the effort of it.  She pressed her lips onto mine, her
breath panting into my mouth.

  With a sudden yielding, her body gave in, and I drove all the way
into her.  She gave a small shriek, and bit my lip.  I reached down
and grabbed her by the thighs.  She wrapped her legs around me, and
I pounded her repeatedly against the tiled wall.

  She was so ungodly tight that the stimulation was unbearable.  I
felt the tension slowly coiling in my loins, winding up towards a
powerful release.  I shifted my grip on her thighs, and held her up
by the ass.  I kneaded her flesh as I repeatedly slapped her body
against the wall.  She had her arms locked around my neck, unwilling
to let me come up for air.

  Finally, with a fierce attack of short, hard thrusts, I pushed
myself over the edge, and I shot my seed into her.  I kept pushing
into her until the afterglow overtook me, and my legs went weak
under me.

+++

  At last, too drained to hold her anymore, I let her feet slide to
the floor.  I eased back, and withdrew my wilting cock from her body.

  It was stained red.  So were my thighs, although the shower had
already washed away much of the evidence.  I stood there for a moment,
my brain swirling in a mighty whirlwind of confusion and concern.

  "Are you ok?" I asked, half in a panic.  "You're all--"

  I'm not completely stupid.  My head reeled, and 'panic' turn into
something more like 'sheer terror'.

  "Oh, my god.  You're a fucking VIRGIN?!"

  "Why didn't you fucking TELL ME?!"

  She was starting to look teary-eyed again, but this time I was too
distraught to be concerned about comforting her.

  "I can't fucking BELIEVE this!"

  "What if you get pregnant?!  What were you THINKING?"

  "Oh, my god."  I slumped down on the floor of the stall then, with
my head cradled on my knees, unable to believe what a complete mess I
had just made of my life.

  "Sam..." She kneeled down beside me.  I looked at her through a
haze of misery.  Why did she have to be so sweet?

  I wished the water would rise above my head and drown me.

+++

  Well, Julie didn't get pregnant.  She did stop seeing Greg, though,
and so she never came around anymore.  She used to call me once in a
while, and we would talk about "stuff".  I guess that in some ways,
things worked out for the best between us.  We ended up becoming
really good friends.

  In the meanwhile, Lisa found out what had happened.  It was all very
indirect.  A few oddball circumstances and some people's loose talk
lead to her finding out the gist of the situation, and when she
confronted me, I broke down and told her the whole thing.

  She was pretty good about it.  She didn't rant or call me names or
anything.  She just asked me if I still loved her.  I told her that
I had always loved her, and I still did.  So we tried to carry on.

  We just couldn't do it, though.  The weight of distrust between us
made it too hard to be the kind of easy lovers we had always been.  We
were young and we still thought that it was *supposed* to be easy.

  By the end of April, we had decided to call it quits, and we had a
tearful, hugging breakup.  When school let out, she went south to her
job for the summer, and I went home to mine.  We didn't talk or write.
When I went back to school the next year, she wasn't there.

  But no, that wasn't the last I saw of her.

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