Archive-name: Dreams/chris.txt
Archive-author: 
Archive-title: Chris...


Dear Chris,

    I know I should not be writing this letter to you, but it is the only
way I can get my message across to you. I have been going through this
for the last six years trying to decide to write this letter or not,
but i cannot stop myself now, so here it goes. You know somewhat what
type of person I am, but I really have two personalities, one for home
and the other for work. You pretty well have to do this to keep sane
working at Overland, you know this.

    For the last six years, ever since the first day I worked at Overland,
I have had stronger and stronger feelings for you and what type of
person you are. You are a very special freind to me, and have made a large
influence to me and my life in the time I have known you. You probably
know that I am not too good at relationships with woman, you can tell
this from my last little stint with a Girl named "Tracey". You are really
the only woman I have had as a man- woman realtionship with in the last
few years. I guess my problems really started when I met this girl named
Dawn, you remember her of course. When I was somewhat seeing her, I could
not help myself from falling in love with her, and I mean deeply in love,
more then she will ever know. I have a tendency to do that with most woman
I meet and go out with, it is just one of those problems I must deal with.

    What I am trying to say is that I am not falling in love with you, you
have no worries there. You have a good marraige and two great kids, I
would never want to get in the way of that.  What I am saying is that is
I need a Woman to understand what I am going through, and that is I know
deep down inside I will never have a successful relationship with a woman.
Don't get me wrong I love woman very much, I'm no fag if that's what
you think, in my opionion they can all go fuck themselves. I dont mind
people being different races, different colors, or different religions,
but when a person is not straight, count me out on liking that person,
just my feelings. I know now that I will never Marry and I will never
have children, both of which I most desperatly want, because I know it
would make my life all that more meaningful. What I am not saying is that
I don't find you a turnoff though, I find you incredily attractive and
Boy Oh Boy, if I or you were ten years older or younger, I wouldn't wait
a second to make my move on you. You know I am not a pervert or anything,
because if I was I would of tried something on you years ago. I hope I am
not scaring you by writing this to you, I would not do anything to harm
you or anybody, you know that. But everyday when I see you I can help
myself but wonder what It would be like to be with you, yes sexually,
but more importantly, emotionally.

    Yes, sex is one of the most important things in a relationship to me
and to most persons, but if you cant link with someone emotionally in a
relation- ship, its not worth it. God I hate writing this, it is so hard
even to write it down, it would be impossible to say it to you. It kills
me everyday to see you and wonder what it would be like to be with you.
I know everybody has fantasies about most people that they are around,
its normal. You probably hate to admit it and probably never would, but
admit that you have had a fantasy about me.  Maybe not I dont know, but
most people do have them. I am not asking you for anything, because it
would ruin our relationship that we have now and would complicate things
further more. I just wanted to tell you my feelings about you, before
I told you upfront and scared you, which is the last thing I want to do.

    I just wonder sometime what It would be like to make mad passionate
love with you, to make you're every dream come true, and to fulfill
you like no other man ever has. It is something I think about when I am
at work, why do you think I spend a lot of time around you. And why do
you think I like bugging you all the time, because I cannot get enough
of your attention. You probably notice that I don't ever hardly look
at you much, because when I do. all I think of is you and I together.
You know how tough it is when you give me a neck massage, I swear,
and I'm not lying. Every time you do that, I walk away with a Hard On,
No Kidding. That is what you do to me, you drive me nuts sometimes,
I just wonder what it would be like to sneek away somewhere at work
and make love to you, but I know you're not into quickies. But just to
be with you would probably kill me, it has been very long since I made
love to a woman, if you can beleive it, it has been over 5 years now,
god its been over three years since I even kissed a woman.

    I hope you understand my feelings toward you now, I am very glad I
have told you this, and maybe I can get on with my life in the way of
having a meaningful relationship. I'm sorry if I have hurt you in anyway
by writing this to you, but it had to be said.

         From your dearest friend.
                                  Kevin

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