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o  The Bookshelf Directories offer a very wide variety of stories.  o
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Felicia: A Love Story (MF, romance)
by "Krystoff Vagabond" kvagabond@lycos.com 


***


The following story contains some explicit sexual material. Though 
not blatantly pornographic, reader discretion is advised. Were 
this a movie, it would probably gain an R rating. This story was 
written as an exploration of character and while it might be 
considered erotic, the intent was to delve into the minds of the 
characters rather than to sexually arouse the reader. If you are 
looking for that you should look elsewhere. However, if you are 
offended by sexuality, you should look somewhere else as well.

This story is Copyright 2000, Krystoff Vagabond. It may be freely
redistributed as long as it remains completely intact and 
unmodified (including these headers). I welcome comments and 
criticism. Please send any thoughts you have on the story to 
kvagabond@mailcity.com You may find other stories of mine at:
http://www.asstr.org/~kvagabond Take a look and tell me what you 
think.

  -Krystoff
 
 
 
 
Felicia: A Love Story

 After all these years, I still come back here. After all this 
time, I still return once a year, and I will until the day I die. 
Every year, the same day. September 17th, the most important day of 
my life.

 I still remember the first time I walked into this bar. I was a 
young man then, but in all these years its still the same. It's 
funny looking back and thinking about yourself when you were 
young. It's funny to think of yourself in your twenties. So alive. 
So vital. So full of hope. I was a young man then and I was on top 
of the world. I look back now and I realize that I had not yet 
begun to live. The things that mattered so much then seem to mean 
so little now.

 It was the first time I had been in St. Louis. I was there on 
business. It was my first meeting with the Williams and Company 
people. The most important thing in my life then was to get that 
contract signed. And I knew I was going to get it signed. I could 
feel it in my toes. I was only twenty seven then. I had only been 
in business for myself for just over a year and the Williams and 
Company contract was the biggest that I had seen in that time. I 
was so prepared. I had researched the company for nearly two 
months before I ever even contacted them. I had spent three weeks 
preparing that contract. I had rehearsed my introduction thousands 
of times on the train to St. Louis. "Hello Mr. Williams. So nice 
to meet you, sir." "Hello Mr. Williams. I am very much looking 
forward to doing business with you." "Hello, Mr. Williams. I can't 
wait to show you how my services can increase your profits." I was 
so prepared. I was so ready to take on the world. Back then, 
Williams and Company was the most important thing there was in the 
world to me. Today, "Williams" is just a name. I couldn't even 
tell you what they did.

 Felicia isn't a name. It's so much more. It's music. It's poetry. 
It's the very definition of beauty. Nothing on earth could have 
prepared me for the first moment I saw her. There were no words I 
could have rehearsed. There was no paperwork I could have filed. 
There were no reports that could have debriefed me. Nothing in my 
twenty-seven years had prepared me for that moment. The moment she 
stole my breath away. I haven't regained it since.

 I 'd been traveling cheaply to keep my expenses down. The small 
motel I was staying in didn't have its own bar so I had gone 
across the street to get a drink. I so thought I needed one. Some 
naive part of me had honestly believed that I'd sell Mr. Williams 
on the retainer in just a few hours at that first meeting, and it 
was no small disappointment when I didn't. I was crushed. Part of 
me thought I was doomed that my entire operation was going to 
fold, but I knew all I needed was a scotch to put me back on my 
feet. That's all I thought I needed. But I was so wrong.

 That moment. The first moment that I learned what beauty meant. 
That image will be burned in my mind forever. Five tiny little 
fingers. The most perfect fingers that god had ever created 
wrapped around a small cocktail glass. That's all I saw at first. 
Not breasts. Not legs. Not eyes. Not even a smile. Just five 
little fingers wrapped around a glass. That was all I needed. Ten 
seconds earlier I would sworn to God Almighty himself that there 
was no such thing as love at first sight. Forty-seven years later 
and I can tell you that there is really no other kind.

 I didn't talk to her at first. I know it sounds silly, but for 
the longest time, I just sat there in my booth, watching her sip 
that strawberry daiquiri. It really never occurred to me to 
approach her. The moment was just too perfect. I wanted it to last 
forever. She was like a beautiful painting. A graceful ballet. I 
would sooner have died than interrupt the performance. I would 
have laid down my life before I marred that image.

 I didn't die, and the moment didn't last forever. I honestly 
don't know how long it lasted. It was probably several minutes. In 
my mind, I remember it being days. Everything else had faded away.

 Who made the first move? I don't remember approaching her; I 
don't remember her walking over to me. I don't remember what we 
spoke about. What I do remember is her voice. Soft as goose down. 
Sweet as nectar. I remember being there for hours as I listened to 
her talk. Listening to her voice. Just loving to hear her speak. 
That night, I thought that I knew everything there was to know 
about Felicia Martinez, but for the forty-three years that 
followed, I don't think there was a single day that I didn't learn 
something new.

 Forty-three years. They seem like ten seconds compared to the 
four that I have been through since. But then there are nights 
like tonight where I think back and remember, and each second 
seems to last an eternity.

 I'm back at the motel and I open the door to my room. Room 317. 
Our room. A bed the size of the one that I slept in when I was a 
child. Wallpaper that faded and turned yellow decades ago. Two 
chairs and a table that do not match. I see the crack in one of 
the tiny windows that hasn't been repaired in the two years since 
I first noticed it. Tonight, as it has been every September 17th 
for the past forty-seven years, this room is the penthouse suite.

 I close my eyes and I'm twenty-seven years old, a young man with 
the most beautiful girl I have ever seen by my side. I lead her 
into the small room and take her coat. She looks around nervously 
as I watch her. "Don't worry," I say, a little unsure of myself. 
She smiles that crooked little smile that I have always loved and 
tells me she's not worried at all. I know she is because I am too.

 I kiss her bare white shoulder very gently as I slide the strap 
of her summer dress down. I feel her quiver at the touch of my 
breath as she releases a small sigh. Again I reassure her that 
everything will be all right as I take those small perfect fingers 
in my hand. She squeezes and I squeeze back. I find her lips with 
mine and we engage in our first kiss. My eyes close and I imagine 
that we are falling together through the clouds. Hand in hand a 
smile on both our faces, falling or soaring, like eagles; I'm not 
sure which. But in the sky, the only people alive. This moment 
forever.

 We touch down and I open my eyes to find us lying side by side. 
She opens her eyes when I pull away my lips. Our bodies entwined 
in scandalous fashion, improper for a couple not yet married. Ten 
times so for one who only met hours ago. I notice my hand upon her 
breast and issue my apology as I draw it away. "It's okay," she 
whispers to me as she tightens her grip behind my neck.

 "But," I try to protest once more.

 "Shhh7 it's okay," Felicia whispers again as she silences me with 
another kiss.

 I've seen a naked woman before. I was seventeen and Jimmy. Jimmy. 
I can't remember his last name. Jimmy and I went to the peep show 
after school. I remember being nervous. I remember being almost 
frightened. I remember Jimmy laughing at me when my excitement got 
the better of me and I ejaculated in my trousers. I remember my 
confession to Father Delgado barely an hour later. I remember my 
apologies and my prayers to God for forgiveness.

 But here and now. Fornication. Premarital sin. And I know the 
Lord cannot disapprove. Never had anything in my life felt so 
right as holding Felicia's head against my chest. She sits up and 
those tiny perfect fingers slowly fumble with each button on the 
front of her dress. I have no words. I dare not even breathe. She 
takes one last look into my eyes as I try to tell her she doesn't 
have to do this. She closes her eyes and our gaze is broken as she 
pulls her dress down and exposes her breasts.

 "It's okay, It's okay" she keeps telling me. Reassuring me that 
the pain is not too bad. Comforting me the way that I should be 
comforting her. "It's okay," she says as I press our bodies 
together. Her face betrays her pain. I brush her cheek and lift 
away a tear. "I love you, Felicia" I say for the very first time, 
and I feel her fingers run through the back of my hair as we make 
love till morning.

 I still feel her fingers running through my hair. Hair that I 
haven't had for over twelve years. I close my eyes and I still see 
those slender fingers and those milky white shoulders, I lie 
alone, naked in a bed too small for me now and too small for the 
two of us then. Alone, but still I feel her lying here with me.

You may find other stories of mine at:
http://www.asstr.org/~kvagabond
Take a look and tell me what you think.

-Krystoff
