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Ally McSqueal (MFF/F, reluc, sm, humor)
by lifewrecker@my-deja.com



Send comments, questions, offers to bear my children to:
lifewrecker@my-deja.com

Based on last night's Ally McBeal fantasy-filled episode. You can still
enjoy the story without having seen the episode but you might miss some
references.

I switch freely between actor and character names as the story dictates
so for the unfamiliar among you:

Ally McBeal - Calista Flockhart
Ling Woo - Lucy Liu
Georgia Thomas - Courtney Thorne-Smith
Billy Thomas - Gil Bellows
Nell Porter - Portia de Rossi
Richard Fish - Greg Germann
John Cage - Peter MacNicol
Renee Radick - Lisa Nicole Carson
Elaine Vassal - Jane Krakowski
Vonda Shepard - no-talent crooner
David E. Kelley - producer




Ally McSqueal (MFF/F, reluc, celeb, sm, humor - just like the real
show!)


     "Did you see last night's ratings?" Lucy burst into Calista's
dressing room. "We killed Law & Order, football, everything. Two
lesbians kissing against an Everybody Loves Raymond repeat? The other
networks didn't even try. We rule Monday nights, Calista!"
     "Yes, it was an... interesting show," Calista raised her eyebrows,
allowing herself a little smirk. She put down the script she was
reading and gave Lucy a congratulatory hug. She thought Lucy held the
hug a little too long and clung a little too tightly but it was after
all their highest rated episode yet. "America loves lesbians," Calista
quipped as they broke apart.
     "I'll say. Wait until you see next week's script. We're going to
do things no one's ever seen on TV before. At least not on network TV,"
Lucy said excitedly and handed Calista the script.
     "Whoa, whoa, whoa! What is this?" Calista exclaimed as she flipped
through the script. "This picks up from the end of this week's episode.
Correct me if I'm wrong but haven't we already shot the next four
episodes? As in finished, complete, in the can?"
     "Yes, but you know 'Crazy Kelley.' He can whip up a new script
overnight. He said he had a dream about where he wanted to take the
show."
     "But the expense! Four taped shows in the trash? I can't believe
it," Calista said, shaking her head.
     "Oh, they won't go to waste. He's going to show them on the half-
hour Tuesday night show as sort of an alternate Ally. He wants to start
filming next week's show today. We're already behind schedule. Better
learn your lines quick, girl," Lucy grinned and waved goodbye to her
costar.
     "Yeah, bye," Calista said absent-mindedly as she started reading
from page 1.


     "Jane, have you read this script?" Calista demanded, cornering the
blonde actress by her trailer.
     "Yeah, isn't it groovy? I get to flesh out Elaine's fluffer role,
as it were," Jane Krakowski oozed.
     "No, it's not groovy. The whole thing I think is sick!" (nod to
Slipknot fans if there are any out there)
     "Good grief, Calista. When did you turn into such a prude?"
     "I'm not being prudish, Jane. Did you even read the script?"
     "I read my parts, Miss Flockhart. I can't be expected to memorize
everyone else's lines," Jane said with mock haughtiness and shrugged
her shoulders.
     "Oh, you are a terrible liar, Jane," Calista fumed and stormed off.
     Jane cocked her head and watched Calista's ass as she walked away.
     "This is going to be fun," Jane murmured.


     "Gil! Gil!" Calista flagged down the actor who plays her ex-lover
Billy. "What did you think of the script?" she asked, slightly out of
breath from chasing him.
     Gil considered the question for a moment. "I think it's a great
idea. It really speaks to the internal conflicts your character is
having."
     "Yes, but does it have to be so... graphic? I thought we were all
about innuendo."
     "Well, yes, but apparently our sponsors have expressed an interest
in pushing the envelope," Gil explained. "Excuse me, Calista, I have to
do a scene."
     "Couldn't we just get new sponsors?" Calista shouted after him as
he hurried off.
     "CALISTA, YOU'RE NEEDED ON SET 2."
     Calista looked at the loudspeaker with barely disguised annoyance
and stalked toward the set of her office.


     "Ok, put the paddle in her desk drawer," the director motioned
toward the prop men.
     "Wait a minute," Calista exclaimed. "What paddle in whose drawer?"
     "Calista, darling," the director gushed. "Come join us."
     "Where's David? I have to talk to him."
     "David can't be here today. Busy banging out next week's script or
maybe a movie or something, I don't know," the director said, placing a
hand on Calista's back and moving her toward her desk. "You've learned
your lines?"
     "Yes, some of them, but this is a practical joke, right? We can't
actually show this stuff on TV, can we?" Calista protested.
     "Don't worry about it, most of it is ad lib anyway," the director
said, ignoring her questions.
     "Does everyone have to be here for this scene?" Calista asked,
noting the grips, prop men and even the caterers lounging around,
eating donuts.
     "And action..."


     "Ally! Get on your knees when I'm in the room."
     Ally looked up to see Ling Woo standing in her doorway in a black
dress, her hair in a severe bun. She stood with the door wide open
waiting for Ally to respond.
     "Uh... hi, Ling. Uhmm... what did you say?" Ally asked hesitantly.
     "You heard what I said. Now do it!" Ling said angrily.
     Ally eyed the open door and slowly rose from her desk. It didn't
escape her attention that wardrobe had given her a pink dress to wear
today. The hemline was the standard outrageous length. Walking slowly
toward Ling, Ally looked at her and saw the headiness of power and the
heat of passion in her eyes. Either Lucy was an incredible actress or
she was really getting into this role. At any rate, Calista resigned
herself to finishing the scene. She had a role in final approval of all
episodes so she would discuss the scene with David later.
     Ally sunk slowly to her knees in front of Ling. In her peripheral
vision she could see Elaine looking through the doorway from her desk.
Ally shot her a dagger look to dissuade her from peeking but Elaine
stared shamelessly.
     "Uhm, Ling can we shut..."
     "Silence! You have not been given permission to speak," Ling said
loudly, turning more heads from the cubicles her way.
     Ally jerked her head back at the admonishment and gave Ling a look
of shock.
     "Put your hands on your head. Clasp them together behind your
head. Interlace your fingers. Good. Now spread your knees apart. Do it!"
     Ally spread her knees apart, aware that her skirt rode up in
proportion to the width of her legs from each other. She curled her lip
at her openly gaping coworkers but they stared anyway and maneuvered to
get a better look.
     "That's the position you should assume whenever you are in my
presence," Ling said sternly. "Say you understand."
     "I understand," Ally said quickly.
     "Mistress."
     "What?"
     "I understand, Mistress."
     "I understand, Mistress," Ally repeated.
     "I like the way the word sounds on your lips," Ling said,
caressing Ally's cheek.
     "Thank you, Mistress."
     "Do you like me, Ally?"
     "Yes, Mistress."
     "Did you enjoy kissing me?"
     "Yes, Mistress."
     "Why?"
     Calista hadn't had time to memorize all her lines but the director
had said it was mostly ad lib so she did.
     "I liked the softness of your lips, the tenderness of your
embrace, the taste of your lipstick, Mistress," Ally admitted in all
truthfulness. The submissive posture and the return of the warm
feelings she had had while filming the episode combined to make her
feel vulnerable and girly before her dominatrix.
     "Tell me what you would do to please me if I gave you the chance."
     Ally closed her eyes and let her secret fantasies spring up in her
mind. She licked her lips and began with a soft voice. "First, I'd
start with your feet..."
     "Okay, I'm bored," Ling said abruptly. They would edit in the
sound of a screeching car ending in a crash in postproduction.
"Maintain this position for five minutes after I leave and then go back
to your work." Ling walked out, leaving the door wide open.
     Ally could feel her coworkers' eyes on her as she knelt in her
submissive pose. She didn't want to look at them, but she was morbidly
curious to know who all was out there. Hopefully it wasn't Billy or...
     "Fish!" Ally exclaimed as her boss came in and picked some folders
up from her desk.
     "Hey, Ally. Did I give you permission to speak? Just kidding.
Bygones. We go to trial in 10 minutes. Be there or beware," Fish said
brightly and tapped Ally on the head with the folders. Ally watched
Richard Fish as he turned the corner, whistling all the while.
     "And the camera cuts away to a computer-generated picture of a
panting dog in Ally's dress. I'm also considering a harem girl costume.
What do you think, Calista?" the director furrowed his brow.
     "What do I think? I think this is mondo bizarre. And humiliating.
Why would Fish act so nonchalant?" Calista complained.
     "That's the beauty of it, Calista. Ally explores her submissive
side and thinks she's breaking new ground but her close friends don't
notice because they've always knew she was that way. Meanwhile her
casual work acquaintances, the secretaries, the clerks, the copy
machine repairman are all shocked to see a distinguished lawyer acting
so bizarrely. It's great TV!"
     "I don't know. I just don't know. Can you see my panties on camera
when I was kneeling? I don't want that on the show."
     "Calista, stop worrying so much. We'll fix everything in editing.
Grab a grape or something for breakfast and watch the other scenes,"
the director grinned.
     "Ha-ha," Calista said blandly at the lame joke but smiled at him
anyway.


     "What's this? What IS this?" Calista nearly screamed.
     "Shhh!" Lisa put her finger to her lips. "Cage is having
performance anxiety with Nell so Elaine is helping him out."
     Calista stared at the actress who plays her roommate Renee on the
show. "And you don't see anything wrong with this scene?" Calista
demanded to know.
     Lisa snorted and looked at Calista with amusement. "Grow up,
Calista. This is Hollywood and this," she pointed toward the set, "this
is great acting."
     With wide eyes, Calista took in the scene.

     The camera travels slowly along the ground, showing empty stalls
in the bathroom. In the background we hear wet smacking noises and low
groans. Finally the camera passes a pair of feminine legs sticking out
from underneath a closed stall door. As we watch the legs cross at the
ankles and we hear a Barry White song rise up to a full crescendo.


     "Thank you, Elaine. I think I'm ready for Nell now," John said
matter-of-factly from his seat on the toilet.
     "Glad to help," Elaine said and licked John's shaft one more time
for good luck.
     Elaine looked up straight into the overhead camera and smacked her
lips.
     "Cut! Nice, Jane. One for the bloopers reel. Let's try it again,"
the director shouted through his megaphone.
     "What happened?" Calista tried to get a better angle but couldn't
see around the prop stall door.
     "They're just goofing around. Jane made a funny noise, I think,"
Lisa answered.
     Calista shook her head. "Really, Renee, I know Billy and Georgia
did it in the stalls but oral sex? Between John and Elaine? It doesn't
seem right."
     Lisa rolled her eyes at the star of the show and chewed on her
fingernail.


     As the camera rolled, Elaine took John in her mouth and began
sucking on him. Between the two actors, they had committed enough
bloopers to fill a highlight reel of their own. The director suspected
many of the gaffes were intended soley to drag out the scene and he
didn't blame Peter at all. If he could do a sex scene, he would want
Jane's lips wrapped around his own cock as well. Or maybe Jennifer Love
Hewitt's sweet mouth. That would surely be the time of *his* life.
Maybe I could make a niche for myself shooting dirty versions of all
the TV shows, he thought to himself. Third Cock From the Sun. Law and
Discipline. Sabrina's Teenage Clit, Pokeaman, Just Blow Me, Buffy the
Vampire Layer. The possibilities were endless.
     Elaine's left hand cupped John's balls and gently squeezed. John
almost stood up in shock. She hadn't done that in the last take, he
thought and then settled back on the toilet. Just as he felt his come
rising, Peter reached back and flushed the toilet causing Jane to erupt
in laughter while her mouth was still stuffed full of his cock. Peter
had to admit it was not an unpleasant sensation.
     "I like a fresh bowl," he said, repeating his famous line to howls
of laughter from the set.
     "OK, let's get Peter to the next set while he's still hard," the
director shouted. Calista's jaw dropped when she saw Peter emerge from
the stall in only a pair of boxers and sporting an obvious tentpole.
Her eyes darted to Jane who was wiping her mouth with the back of her
hand. Jane caught Calista's look and raised her eyebrows at her.
     "Okay, please tell me they weren't actually... Lisa?" Calista
looked around for her friend but she was nowhere to be found. She
followed the crowd to the next set which was Nell's office. She could
see Portia fixing her conservative business attire in the mirror before
they hauled it away.
     "Quiet on the set!"


     John summoned his courage and knocked on Nell's office door.
     "Come in," he heard Nell's professional tone of voice from the
other side of the door.
     "Nell, I need to speak to you about last night," John started.
     "Shh. It's OK, John. I know what you were trying to do. I think it
was sweet. But next time how about a little warning and a little slower
pace with the whacks, OK, lover?" Nell smiled and moved closer to her
boyfriend. Her hand reached out and caressed his crotch. John squirmed
under the touch.
     "Oh my, you came prepared, huh, studboy?" Nell teased and clutched
at the cock beneath his trousers.
     "Te..te..te.. porkchops!"
     "Porkchops?" Nell said, stifling a laugh.
     "Yes, porkchops. Brady Bunch. Never mind. I came to apologize for
my behavior. I was completely out of line. I would never..."
     "John, I said it's okay. I want you to spank me. Please spank me,"
Nell pouted, loosening her skirt and letting it drop to the floor. John
stared in wonder as Nell undid the bun in her hair and let it flow
around her shoulders. Nell removed her blazer and stood before John in
a half-unbuttoned white blouse and a pair of black lace panties.
     "So how do I...should I just..." John held a closed fist to his
mouth as he studied the situation.
     "Why don't you have a seat, John? On this chair."
     Cage sat rigidly on the plain wooden chair as Nell stood before
him. Nell stared down at him as she reached around and undid the clasps
of her bra. Shrugging her shoulders, Nell slipped the bra through the
armhole of her blouse and wrapped it around his neck. Sitting on John's
lap facing him, Nell proceeded to give him a lapdance while
intermittently cutting of his air supply. John's hands hung limply by
his side as she had her way with him. John had a raging hard on by the
time Nell slipped off his lap.
     "Your turn," Nell whispered hoarsely as she laid herself stomach
down on John's lap and wrapped the bra around her own neck. John
grasped the bra in his right hand and smacked Nell on her barely
covered ass with his left. Nell squealed and whispered "tighter."
Closing his eyes momentarily to steel himself, John twisted the bra to
create a tighter noose and smacked her again. Nell gurgled but didn't
say anything this time. John alternated the pressure on her  throat and
varied the rhythm of his strokes. Feeling emboldened by her vocal
cooing, John slipped her panties down to bare her bottom. It was
already a bright shade of pink and John alternated his slaps between
cheeks, transfixed by his own handprints on her flesh.

     "Can they do that? Can they show her... ass on the show like
that?" Calista said aloud to no one in particular.
     "Why not?" an extra answered. "They show men's asses on NYPD Blue
all the time. Why not Portia's?"
     "Whatever," Calista dismissed the extra with a wave of her hand.
"I have to do another scene." Calista turned her back on the set just
as John let Nell up from his knee. Nell knelt in front of John and
thanked him for the spanking. Really thanked him. Calista was well on
her way to her next scene when Peter erupted all over Portia's pearly
white teeth. Portia played with the cum for the camera, blowing bubbles
with it and brushing her teeth with her finger. Peter laughed and
spanked her cheek with his softening dick.


     Calista arrived at the lounge where the gang often hung out after
work on the show. Vonda Shepard was there and they exchanged small talk
while they waited for the rest of the crew. Pretty much everyone on the
set agreed Vonda's singing was grating at best but David like her so
she got to stay on the series.
     "OK, places everyone," the director shouted as everyone seemed to
arrive at the same time.


     Ally sat at a table with Fish, Cage, Renee, Ling and Elaine. Nell
stood nearby, leaning against a post, watching Billy and Georgia slow
dance. Ally offered her a seat but she said she'd just as well stand,
thank you very much.
     "Let's dance," Ling said abruptly and grabbed Ally's elbow. Ally
had little choice but to respond to the pressure on her arm. She never
noticed how strong Lucy was before. As they took the dance floor, Ling
wrapped her arms around Ally and made her do the same. Ling's hands
explored the shallow curves of Ally's ass as they danced, bunching up
her skirt as she squeezed and released.
     Ally leaned into Ling and let her do what she wanted. Ling's hands
moved up her back and deftly unhooked Ally's bra through her blouse.
Ally gasped as her bra slid down to her waist. She didn't remember
reading this in the script. Ling's petite hands unbuttoned the bottom
of Ally's blouse and pulled the small brassiere out and tossed it to
the dancing twins who amused themselves with it and incorporated it
into their dance routine. They pulled on either end of the backstraps
and leaned backwards, daring the fabric to tear. But it held their
weight and they gaily spun around in circles with it.
     Calista watched with horror at this new development. Did David
actually think this was funny or even erotic? She tried to access her
memory of the last pages of the script but she found she couldn't. She
tried to stop the scene to consult the director but everyone ignored
her and carried on with their roles. No one seemed to care the star of
the series was talking straight into the cameras and generally trying
to disrupt the shoot.
     Suddenly the music stopped and the microphone screeched as Vonda
tapped it with her fingers. "Ladies and gentlemen, we have a very
special treat. Ling Woo and her trained monkey. Let's hear it for them!"
     The nightclub broke into applause and catcalls as Ling snapped a
leash around Ally's neck and pulled her toward the stage. "That's our
cue," Ling winked at her. Ally followed close behind Ling, her hands
grasping at the choker, trying to relieve the pressure. Ling sat on a
tall barstool that had been set on the stage and told Ally to assume
the position.
     Ally looked around at her audience. Billy and Georgia exchanged
baby kisses as they watched her from the corners of their eyes. Elaine
grabbed a table knife and was busy spreading butter on her hand. Ally
watched as she dropped her hand under the table. A few seconds later
Fish let out a surprised grunt and then a slow smile spread over his
face as he scooted closer to the table. Elaine's face was the picture
of innocence as she used her other hand to brush her hair back. Nell
had taken a seat on John's lap as she let his hands roam freely over
her breasts, over and under her blouse.
     Ling struck Ally on her left breast with a riding crop to get her
attention. Ally instinctively covered her breast with her hand to
protect it and tried to massage the sting away. Where had she gotten
that thing, Ally wondered.
     "The position, Ally!" Ling said sharply.
     "Yes, Mistress," Ally responded without thinking and the crowd
erupted in laughter. Ally sank to her knees and raised her arms,
settling herself into the position she was required to assume. Things
were moving too fast for Calista and she didn't know how to stop them.
A sharp crack of the crop on her right breast got Ally's attention
again and she willed herself not to lower her arms. The whole cast has
gone insane, she finally concluded. They've gone insane and taken me
prisoner.
     "It's time you showed the world your devotion to the Dragon Lady.
Put your hands behind your back and keep them there," Ling ordered.
     Ally did as she was told as Ling unbuttoned and removed her black
leather pants. She wore no lingerie beneath and Ally could see she was
not shaved completely but was definitely very well-groomed. Ling sat on
the barstool again, raising her left knee and letting her right leg
extend fully to give the appreciative crowd the full view.
    "Ally?" The word came out as a question but Ally caught the implied
order underneath. Shuffling forward on her knees, Ally closed her eyes
and tentatively stuck out her tongue. The tip of her tongue encountered
the warm smooth skin of Ling's thigh and she let it wander until it
encountered the short silky hairs. Still afraid to open her eyes, Ally
plunged her tongue into Ling's intimate folds and worked her tongue
around the sides. Ally noted she tasted sweet as if she had added
perfume of some sort. Aside from the humiliation of everyone watching,
she decided it wasn't all bad and let her lips press up against the
Asian mound. Her nose rubbed against Ling's lower belly as she lapped
at Ling's moistness. From out of seemingly nowhere the crowd started
into a rendition of Weird Al's Michael Jackson parody: "Eat it, eat it;
Don't you make me repeat it."
     Ling pulled back Ally's hair so the camera could get a good
closeup of her pink tongue merging with the pinkness of Ling's own
insides. Ling ordered Ally to keep her eyes open and look her in the
eye. Ling slapped Ally's face with short crisp blows as she suckled.
She tried to keep her eyes open but instinctively shut them just before
Ling's hand landed on her cheek.
     Ling's head was thrown back now and Ally dared to look into the
audience again from the corner of her eye while her tongue slid and
twisted its way over Ling's slick walls. Elaine had both fists pumping
out in the open on Richard and Billy. Georgia knelt next to Billy's
chair and licked at his balls. Elaine's fast-moving hand sometimes
caught Georgia on the nose but she was a trooper and kept at it. John
had removed his belt and was whipping Nell with it as she clutched a
support beam with both hands. Her tears flowed freely but she didn't
make a peep out of respect for the people trying the watch the show on
stage. Ally searched the crowd for Renee but couldn't find her.
     "Looking for me, bitch?" Ally heard Renee's voice right next to
her ear. Surprised by the nearness of the voice, Ally's head jerked up
but Ling's strong hands guided her back to her task. Ling held Ally's
head in place as she got off the stool and laid on her back on the
stage. Ling spread her legs wide to accommodate Ally as she pushed on
the back of her head and ground Ally's face into her pussy. Ally heard
the zipper on the back of her skirt and she dutifully lifted each knee
as the skirt was pulled off her, followed by her panties.
     Ally found herself on her hands and knees with her ass in the air
as she bent forward to administer to Ling's needs. She was aware of
cheering and hooting from the crowd but the sudden coolness of gel
being smeared into her ass by a pair of fingers was the only warning
she had that Renee had donned a strap-on and fully intended to take her
from behind.
     "Here comes the pain," Renee whispered into Ally's ear and plunged
forward.
     Ling wrapped her fingers into Ally's hair and pulled her face down
and forward into her cunt, effectively muffling her screams. Renee
pumped into Ally furiously, spanking her ass in time with the music as
Vonda struck up the band and played her theme song. It was all Ally
could do to maintain her balance as Renee plowed into her from behind
and Ling resumed her bitchslapping. Ally thought she heard the
director's voice in the background through the ringing in her ears and
suddenly everyone shifted positions. Ling sat up on her knees and
pulled Ally to her knees as well. Ling thrust her head forward and
planted a full kiss on Ally's mouth. Ally struggled briefly at the
invasion and then began kissing Ling back. As the two women embraced,
Renee stood next to them facing the crowd and squeezed a bulb attached
to her strap-on. Thick gooey strands of fake cum spurted from the head
of the latex cock and landed on Ally's shoulder. Renee redirected the
stream and pumped at the bulb madly as she covered both women's faces
with the sticky white substance. Ling clutched Ally's head, ensuring
they wouldn't break their embrace until Renee had finished. Ally felt
the goo slide over her nose and some worked its way between their
mouths. She and Ling shared the same few ounces of white slime between
them, rolling it around and then pushing it with their tongues into the
other's mouth. It had a more consistent structure than normal sperm and
they were able to keep it going for over a minute before Ally
accidentally swallowed it. They finally broke off their kiss and looked
toward the audience. The flashes nearly blinded Ally as everyone seemed
to have brought their still cameras to the set. Ling bent forward and
licked a glop of fabricated cum from Ally's cheek, causing a renewed
frenzy of picture-taking. Ally smiled for no reason on earth other than
she had been taught from infancy to smile pretty for the camera.
     Renee helped Ally wipe off her face with a towel while the video
cameras swung around to catch Elaine taking both men in her mouth at
once and then spitting the deposited cum into Georgia's face. Nell
screamed in agony as John fucked her ass and beat her with a metal
spatula he had grabbed from a caterer. He jerked out and came all over
Nell's abused behind. Nell reached back and massaged the cool cream
into her skin, hoping it would quell the burning.
     "Congratulations, Calista. You made your first porno."
     "David! Have you been here all along? Did you set this up?"
Calista questioned the producer, not knowing what to think at this
point.
     "Well, I have to admit, I got some help from your castmates here,"
David waved his arms to indicate the small group of actors who had
taken the stage.
     "We always wanted to make a dirty "Ally McBeal" episode for our
own private collections but we figured you would be too uptight about
it," Courtney explained. "So we had to trick you. Jane assured us you
would come around eventually and I dare say you did."
     "Well, the thing with Lucy was fun. I could have done without the
ass-fucking, though," Calista groaned and rubbed her butt.
     "Oh come on, Calista. You know you love the penis," Lisa prodded.
     "Okay, I do," Calista finally admitted with a shy half-smile.
     "Say it," Lisa said in a sing-song voice. "Say you love the penis."
     Calista scanned the faces of her friends. "I love the penis," she
finally declared with a smirk to a standing ovation from the crowd.


     So each cast member ended up with a videotape of the day
affectionately titled "Ally McSqueal" for their home library. There
were only supposed to be 10 copies made but you know how that goes.
Chances are a few months from now everyone and their little brother
will have their own bootlegged copy to enjoy in the privacy of their
own home.
