## Archive-name: coming-out

From: an186221@anon.penet.fi (JessicaX)

Subject: coming out 1 (ff)

this is a story about how i discovered myself. i am a lesbian. i know that now. but i did not always know that. i was not always honest with myself. but she taught me a lesson i will never forget. she taught me to be honest with myself. this story is as much her story as it is mine. i had known her since high school. we were not best friends or anything. although we did have some good times together in high school. we were in the school choir together, and our choir would travel throughout the state of florida. i liked those times. the choir was 80% female which gave me a chance to get away from my old man. i liked just hanging out with the girls. she was a good friend in the choir and we would spend a lot of time together. on some of the choir trips we were too far from home to return the same evening. so we would usually get a room for the night. the two of us would sometimes share a bed. i remember waking up in the middle of the night, looking over at her and wanting her. i did not understand these feelings. afterall i was heterosexual. i told myself that i wanted men. but i would sit there and fantasize about having lesbian sex with her. needless to say it never happened. but these feelings scared me. a few weeks later i talked to my grandmother about these feelings and she told me not to worry, that it was just a stage that i would out grow. as a result i never acted on these feelings. when june came around we graduated and i did not see her for a few years. during this time i married a very nice man. he was sweet. i liked him very much. together we had a daughter, a beautiful girl with brown eyes and dark hair. sex with my husband was normal, i guess. what is sex supposed to be like? i don't know. the problem i had and i never admited this to my husband was that to orgasm i always had to fantasize about a woman or about lesbian sex. for this reason, i always tried to avoid intercourse. i prefered him to go down on me. that way, i could fantasize that he was a woman. then i could get off. i also did not feel any spiritual connection with my husband. he was a nice guy. and i liked to hang around him. but i guess deep down inside i knew that i could not spend the rest of my life with him. i needed some excitement, some romance. one day she came back into my life. i happened to bump into her in the super market. i was lucky to catch her. she had moved to north carolina after graduation. she just happened to be in florida visiting relatives for the holidays. we talked for some time. i told her about my husband, and my daughted. she told me about her little cottage up in the north carolina mountains. she told me about how she loved the peace and quiet of the mountains. after talking for about an hour she asked me if i would like to go out with her for a drink that night. i accepted. i told my husband that i was going out with an old friend from high school that night, and he did not think much of it. he was happy to spend the evening with our daughter. he really was a loving father. she picked me up at 10 o'clock. she was beautiful that night, as usual. she was a natural beauty. she did not wear any make up. she did not have to. as we pulled out of the driveway i looked over at her and my heart sunk. i knew at that moment that i was in love with her. and that if i could have a lesbian affair with her, i would go for it in a moment. we went to a dance club, and had a few drinks. as i started to get a buzz, and my inhibitions were lowering i kept on imagining ways to come on to her. but i was scared. i thought she was straight. she had given me no reason to suspect otherwise. i kept on looking at her, looking deep into her eyes for a clue, but all that i got in response was a deep gleeful grin. i did not know how to take it. i don't know if it was my imagination or what but i kept on noticing that she would look up whenever a woman in a skimpy outfit would walk by. i imagined, hoped, that she might be gay, or at least bi. but i had no way to know. at the end of the evening, she dropped me off at home, gave me a peck on the cheek and invited me to visit her in north carolina. my husband was asleep, so i slipped into the bathroom and masterbated fantasizing of making love to her. the next week i could not stop thinking about her. i constantly found myself fantasizing about her. i wanted her. eventually, i broke down and called her. on the phone, she once again invited me up to north carolina to visit her. naturally, i could not resist. a few days later i loaded up my car, told my husband that i was going to visit an old friend, and left early in the morning, taking my daughter to north carolina. the 12 hour trip was very hard, but i just wanted to see her again. i still thought she was probably straight, and that nothing would ever work out. however, even if we would only be friends, i had to see her again. she was my passion. i fantasized that we would take a backpacking trip into the mountains. then when it was dark, i would snuggle next to her and start kissing her, teasingly. so that if she reacted negatively, i could tell her that the whole thing was a joke. i fantasized about holding her hand in the supermarket and letting all of the country hicks gawk. i fantasized that maybe she would take the first move and come on to me. afterall, i am a beautiful woman, i thought to myself as i tilted the rear view mirror to look at myself. i am attractive and she ought to be attracted to me, i thought. we got to her house late in the evening. she told me to put my daughter to bed on the living room couch and join her in her bedroom. she only had one bed in her cottage, so she offered to share her bed with me. i naturally accepted. we talked late into the night about old times, about our lives, etc. but she never mentioned her sex life. i decided to let it be. we finally got to bed around 3 am. after she was asleep, i snuggled next to her arm. feeling her arm against my cheek was very erotic. i fell asleep in this position. she woke me up at 11 o'clock. i guess she woke up at 7 o'clock and found my daughter awake. during that time, she had feed my daughter and taken her outside to play, in order not to wake me up. she was so thoughtful. when she woke me up, she was serving me breakfest in bed. the three of us spent the day together. it was wonderful. then that night, she asked me if i would like to go out for a drink. that sounded good to me, so we dropped my daughter off at a babysitter's place. and my friend invited two of her friends, sara and rama, to come along. on the way over to sara and rama's place, she suddenly became very serious and told me that there was something about sara and rama that i should know. she then told me that sara and rama were lovers who had been living together for 5 years. i don't know what kind of reaction she expected from me, but i just smiled and asked her if she was gay. she looked over at me and told me that she was. my heart fell through the floor, i was so happy. so i laughed and asked her if this was then a double date. She got the biggest smile on her face, and said,"i thought you'ld never ask." half a minute later, we pulled up to sara and rama's place, but i was not about to lose this moment. i reached over and kissed her tentatively. she then reciprocated with a full on french kiss. we kissed for about five minutes before she suggested that we better go inside. as we were walking up to the house, guess who was peeping out the window but sara and rama. they had seen us kissing. i was a little embarassed, but it made me feel mischievious and romantic, too. for the first time in my life i felt as if i was in love. not only was i in love, but i was also completely out of the closet. as far as sara and rama knew, i could have been out of the closet for years. i was drunk on my new found lesbianism. the four of us went dancing at a local pub. then before it got too late we went back to sara and rama's house, popped in a video on the vcr and snuggled on the couches. sara and rama took one couch and we took the other couch. I snuggled next to her, letting my hands and arms rub up against her sexual parts. i had never been so excited in my life. i had an orgasm right there, just from the build up in excitement. latter that evening, we picked up my daughter, went home, and put her to bed on the couch. Finally, my lover and i were alone together. she was on the other side of the room looking at me. she asked me about my husband. i looked at her a laughed. "do you really think i could go back to him after what had happened tonight," i asked her. she looked at me with those beautiful eyes and without a word, she took off her top in a single motion. my fantasy had come true. i went up to her and pushed her on the bed. she wrapped her hands around me and i suckled from her womanhood.

Last modified (12/24/96 14:26:43) by Eli-the-Bearded.

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