White Flag by Girl Friday

Copyright 2003, all rights reserved

Originally posted 11/28/03

White Flag

Sometimes I think I've always loved Drew. We'd been together now for almost six months and every time I was with him I fell deeper in love. That was why I had to let him go.

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
Or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were
Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

The look on his face was tearing my soul to pieces. I had never seen him as angry and hurt as he was at this moment. His beautiful brown eyes were full of pain and just for a moment I wavered, wanting more than ever to take my words back.

"How can you say you love me and then tell me it's over?"

His bitter accusation speared my heart. I didn't want to let him go. I loved this man more than I thought was possible. I thought about what his life was like with me in it.

No.

I wouldn't do that to him. My resolve firmed. Regardless of my feelings, it was the right thing to do.

"I'm sorry. This is the way it has to be. I hope one day you can forgive me."

"I can't believe you're doing this to me ... to us. You are everything to me, and now you're just walking away."

"This isn't easy for me either. I love you, you know I do, but I have to go."

I could feel the tears running down my face. If I didn't leave now I never would. Walking away from him and getting in my car was the hardest thing I have ever done. I knew my heart would never mend and that I would love him forever.

I know I left too much mess and
destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense
Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I saw him again a few weeks later at the grocery store.

He looked terrible. He had lost weight and there was a hollow, haunted look to his face. He stopped as he turned the corner and saw me there. Our eyes locked and I searched his for any sign of the love we had shared. Cold, hard, emptiness was all I could find.

Silently, he turned and walked away. I watched him set his basket aside and continue on out the sliding, automatic door.

I couldn't blame him really. That didn't stop my heart from breaking all over again.

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was there
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on....

I didn't see him again for another two years. I was standing at the bar, waiting for my glass of wine as the party moved into high gear around me. As the bartender handed me my glass, Drew came to stand beside me. My heart hitched at the sight of him.

He looked wonderful. Tanned, well muscled -- the sparkle was back in his eyes and the smile came easily to his face. The love I felt for him surged through me and I couldn't help but smile in response. My body began to ache and throb with longing as I struggled to maintain my facade of polite inquiry.

"Hello, Drew. You're looking well."

"Rebecca ... how have you been?"

"Never better." He would never know the effort those words cost me. "And yourself?"

He looked at me with an odd, wistful smile on his face. "It took me a long time to get over you, Rebecca. I'm not sure I'll ever love anyone the way I loved you. But I've met someone else and she loves me. We've built a life together, the life I asked you to share with me once. I suppose I should thank you, I'm sure you'll understand if I don't."

"I'm happy for you, Drew. I'm glad you have someone who loves you."

A man came to stand beside me. I knew without looking who it was as he slipped his arm possessively around my waist.

"Drew, I'd like you to meet my husband, Tom. Tom, this is Drew Richards, an old friend."

Drew held his hand out to Tom. "Congratulations. I didn't know Rebecca was married."

Tom laughed and shook Drew's hand, "You must be a really old friend. Becks and I have been married for ten years."

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

--Fin--

'White Flag' lyrics copyright 2003 by Dido Armstrong, Rick Nowels and Rollo Armstrong

'White Flag' recorded by Dido and available on her album 'Life For Rent', published by Arista Records