x-anon-to: alt.sex.stories.tg
x-anon-password: toby

FILLING IN FOR AMANDA
or LAB.TXT
by Waldo
	
Chapter 1 -- My lab	
Chapter 2 - Exploration9
Chapter 3 - Meeting other people
Chapter 4 - Nick	
Chapter 5 - Introducing Renee
Chapter 6 - The medical exam
Chapter 7 - Behind locked doors
Chapter 8 - Was it as good for you as ....
Chapter 9 - The fight
Chapter 10 - My mental condition
Chapter 11 - Telling the girls
Chapter 12 - The Gauntlet of questions
Chapter 13 - The shower
Chapter 14 - The Shopping
Chapter 15 - The new me

This is a story about a man who accidently gets turned into an almost identical clone of one of his daughters.  Except that the clone is a she-male.  At first the daughter is away in school, so he is mistakened by her friends and the younger daughter as being the real thing.  But as time goes on, he realizes that he must develop his own identity and let his daughter have her identity.  An acceptable identity is as the cousin of the daughter.

It gets further complicated when the daughter's old boyfriends try to re-establish the old relationships.  As our hero-ine starts adapting to the permanent sex/identity change, a new boyfriend steps in.  One that our hero-ine is attracted to.

Then the cloned daughter comes home from school and it's time to face the music about what happened to dear old Dad and why the female clone cuz knows so much about the family, while the family knows nothing about her.  It becomes time to face the music and confess. Everyone reacts slightly different and a new family relationship is established.  

And then.....  Every story has to end sooner of later.

Anyone familar with my writing style knows that I try to develop plot and characters, then include just a little sex into the story.  So if you are looking for straight sex, you won't find it here.  Just a small novel of 300,000 characters that's about 145 pages long.

As noted above, this plot deals with gender changes.  It is quite graphic in some areas, so anyone that is a minor or does not like gender stories or sex stories, should not read the story.

Waldo 


Filling in for Amanda
or LAB.TXT.
by Waldo

Chapter 1 -- My lab

I made my money by being a research chemist for a 
major research company, which believed in sharing it's 
successes with the employees. Most people haven't 
heard of my name or the product that I invented, but 
everyone has to use my product, for which all the 
major petroleum companies still pay royalties to me. 
When my additive is added to the gasoline within the 
gas pump, it causes the gasoline to ignite more 
forcefully. Thus the more robust the gasoline 
explosion, the more powerful the car and the better 
gas mileage that your car gets. Granted it only 
averages about three miles per tank of gasoline, but if 
you multiply that by the millions of cars in the world, 
you can see why I don't have to work anymore. 
Because of the royalties from that simple additive, I'm 
rich.

I quit working at age 42. That was five years ago. I 
retired young so that we could enjoy our newly earned 
financial independence. My wife, three teen-age 
daughters, and I moved to Santa Fe where we bought a 
little ranch and some open land. We wanted to get 
away from the never ending rat race. Away from the 
hustle and bustle of the city.

The first four years of our retirement were wonderful. 
Then my wife had a fatal heart attack and died in the 
vegetable aisle while she was doing her weekly grocery 
shopping. She had completed a total medical physical 
only five weeks before with the doctor finding no 
medical problems. The medical exam pronounced her 
as being in perfect health for being a forty-six year old 
woman.

I was left alone in our big house, without my wife of 
twenty-four years to share my life. After two months of 
moping around feeling sorry for myself and missing 
her, something clicked, pulling me out of my self-
imposed lethargy. Why hadn't the medical physical 
examination detected any problems with my wife? 
You'd think that with all of the sophisticated medical 
testing procedures available, that some symptom 
would have been noticed that could have warned us of 
her imminent fatal condition. And what could happen 
if my daughters have the same hidden medical 
problems? Am I going to let them die, when there is 
something that somehow I could use my skills to help 
save their lives?
 
Fired up with my mission, I got rid of all of my 
woodworking tools that I played with to keep my 
retirement busy. In only a few days, I cleaned out my 
old workshop building out back and turned it into a 
small private medical lab. To get it operational, I 
bought almost a million dollars worth of lab equipment 
to test and evaluate everything on the human body 
that can be analyzed. 

I locked myself in the library for two weeks of twenty 
hour days, reading every medical textbook and 
laboratory procedure. Then I collected every type of 
sample that could be collected from my daughters. I 
concentrated on them, because it was their lives I was 
interested in saving, instead of my own life. They didn't 
mind the urine, the feces, the hair samples, the skin 
scrapings or the blood, but when I requested samples 
of their cum; they got a little upset with my 
preoccupation with this project.

My two oldest daughters attend an expensive out-of-
state college, thanks to my money. The youngest girl is 
a high school senior and still living with me. The 
youngest girl, Cathy, is the daughter with the highest 
promise of becoming a successful adult. She really has 
her head on her shoulders for her age and studies 
hard to make good grades. The other two daughters, 
Amanda and Linda, are going to school, just so that 
they can be away from home and meet boys. They 
couldn't care less about grades or selecting a career. 
They chose the college because of the social 
opportunities instead of its educational benefits. I 
knew that they were enjoying the sexual benefits of 
being attractive young females away from home. But 
what can I do? 

Although all three of them argued repeatedly against 
my project, I finally got the college girls to provide 
samples of their cum. They did it only to humor me 
and to get me to quit talking to them about it. Cathy 
refused to contribute anything that personal to my 
research. She has repeatedly declined all of my 
requests.

Using my new equipment, I broke the samples down 
into their respective chemical components. Then I 
analyzed the samples using every known test to look 
for relationships and differences in the chemical's 
makeup. For almost ten months now, I've obtained 
multiple samples from my three daughters and 
compared the new samples with previous samples, 
hoping to find something that might someday save one 
of their lives.

And that's how the accident occurred.

I was rushing a lot of my experiments, doing multiple 
tests, when one of my chemically treated samples 
exploded in my hand. It wasn't much of an explosion, 
but it shattered the test tube that I was holding in my 
hand, cutting my hand. I jumped from the surprise, 
falling backwards into a table, knocking over a rack of 
chemicals, which started a heavy chemical fog. I barely 
got out of the lab before the fire started. If I hadn't lain 
on the floor and crawled through the haze, I could've 
perished in the fire. As it was, I got some scratches on 
my legs from where I crawled through the spilt 
chemicals.

By the time, the local volunteer fire department got to 
my ranch, my old workshop lab had burnt down to the 
ground, with all of my experiment records. There was 
nothing the fire department could do, except to 
bandage my hand and examine the minor cuts on my 
legs. They also wrote me a citation for failure to 
possess adequate fire prevention equipment in my 
workshop. They told me that I would have to bear the 
cost of cleaning up the mess and ensuring that the 
chemicals didn't contaminate the soil. A specialist 
would be brought in to examine my fire.

When my youngest daughter came home from high 
school, she found me sitting in the driveway, staring at 
the burnt out shell of a building. 

"The principal found out about the fire as school was 
getting out. He caught me as I was walking to my car. I 
rushed straight home. Are you all right Daddy?" Cathy 
asked as she sat down on the asphalt beside me. She 
wiped a tear from my smoke covered cheek with her 
soft hand.

I held up my bandaged hand as I replied "This is the 
major physical wound. That I can easily recover from. 
The real damage is my mental wound, which is much 
larger. Do I start over, Cathy? I was very frustrated 
with what I'd found so far in my many months of 
heavy research. I was grasping at straws for the last 
several weeks, trying to find anything positive to keep 
me going. I was mixing strange compounds, unsure 
what effect could occur, and ignoring dangerous 
combinations. I wanted to find something, but I went 
through all possible answers the first week. For the 
last eight months, I've been unable to obtain anything 
that could add to the knowledge base that already 
exists in this field. My experiments have been on the 
outer fringe of mixing unknown compounds with the 
samples of human body fluids that I've been obtaining 
from you girls."

"Daddy, do whatever you have to do. Speaking for 
Linda and Amanda, we don't want to lose you. We 
know that you're doing this for us, but you've changed 
because of your dedication to what we consider stupid 
research. You ignore us because you're always so busy 
in the lab. You can't bring Mommy back and we don't 
want to lose you too. We want you to quit your 
experiments and spend more time with us." she sighed 
as she hugged me and leaned against me.

In a clearly despondent voice, I muttered "I'm very 
tired. You may be right. I'll think about your 
suggestion. Maybe I won't rebuild the lab. I could use 
some fishing, just relaxing. I might take a little 
vacation and travel for a while." as I stood and helped 
her to her feet. 

We walked into the house, never looking back at the 
shell of my burned out lab. She fixed me a late lunch 
because I'd been too busy again to eat anything. While 
I was eating my lunch, Amanda, the oldest daughter 
called. One of her local friends had called her at 
college to tell her about my fire.

"Daddy, you can't have a lab anymore. Its just too 
dangerous, with all those powerful chemicals. We lost 
our mother too soon and don't want anything to 
happen to you. Promise me that you won't re-build it." 
she pleaded over the phone.

"Honey, I'm all right. Just some minor cuts and a lot of 
mental anguish over the major damage done by the 
fire. Otherwise I'm all right. Cathy has already beat me 
up over the lab and made the same recommendation. I 
don't think that I'm going to do anything about it for 
several weeks while I try to figure out what needs to be 
done." I shrugged, hearing my very tired voice.

"Well, if you need me, I can come home early. School is 
out in only ten more days and then Linda will be home 
for three weeks. I've another five days after that to 
finish up the tennis tournament that I'm in. Are you 
sure that you wouldn't want to come down here and 
watch me play tennis?" she asked, trying to get me to 
her school where she could watch over me. Since my 
wife's death, she had tried to pick up the role of being 
mother to our family.

"No, sweetheart. I just need to relax, forget about my 
project and clean this place up a little. I'll see you 
when school is out." I answered, trying to make my 
voice sound upbeat.

We chatted for a couple more minutes before we voiced 
our good-byes. I looked at the wall clock, seeing it was 
now only a little after five in the afternoon. I felt very 
weary after the long, brutal, frustrating day. I told 
Cathy that I was going to go to bed early. She was 
used to me sleeping odd hours from where I worked 
my long hours in the lab at night, so she gave me a 
good night hug.

I walked upstairs and down the corridor to my room, 
which was the master bedroom. As I entered the room, 
I looked at the eight by ten family portrait that I kept 
on the dresser. It was the last picture of my family 
before my wife died. Amanda and Linda had changed 
very little since the portrait had been taken. Physically 
changed, that is. Linda cried constantly when my wife 
died and was helpless for a couple of weeks, before she 
found solace in the church. She recovered from her 
mother's death but now heavily used the bible as 
rationale for a lot of her decisions and lifestyle.

Amanda also changed. As a little kid, she was always 
headstrong and bossy. She only cried once and then 
kept herself busy taking care of her mother's affairs. 
She became more aggressive and argumentative as she 
tried to force her opinions on the other girls, and also 
on me. The night before the funeral, I'd to put my foot 
down on her demands. She stomped out of the house, 
returning sometime in the middle of the night. She 
never said another word about whatever we argued 
over, but she put a wall up between us. 

Only Cathy was the same person mentally after the 
funeral. But Cathy did grow up, filled out, and 
changed her little girl look to her new cheerleader look. 
She was petite, about five feet two inches tall, weighed 
105 pounds and still had a baby face. She had 
naturally blonde hair that she wore just above her 
shoulders.

I was proud of the way that all of my girls looked. They 
were all very beautiful girls, for which I was grateful. 
Girls hell, they were all young women now. Although 
they would always be my girls, I had to change my 
relationship with them as they grew older, so that I 
was a friend as much as a parent.

I undressed, throwed away my damaged clothing, took 
a good hot shower, put my pajama top on, lay down on 
the bed and tried to go straight to sleep. I used to sleep 
in a full set of pajamas but after I met my wife in 
college, I never put the bottoms on again. I liked the 
way that she would gently wake me up by playing with 
me. The only reason that I kept wearing the pajama 
top, was because I like to sleep out from the covers. 
Wearing the top kept my chest a little warm.

My sleep was more restless than normal. I vaguely 
remember dreaming a lot of weird dreams. The dreams 
were flashbacks of my family life, except they weren't 
from my viewpoint. I was in my dreams, but I was a 
different person. My dreams were about growing up as 
a girl, with me being just one of the girls. Maybe that 
is why I tossed and turned all night. Although I was 
asleep, I felt that I was always on the fringes of being 
awake.

I woke up feeling groggy, but very rested; although it 
was still dark outside. Looking at the illuminated 
clock, I saw that it was only three am. I guess that I 
woke up because I felt hot and clammy. I also had to 
pee badly.

I staggered out of bed, still mostly asleep, wandering 
through the dark bedroom into my private bathroom. 
My reflexes turned on the bathroom light so that I 
could see where I was going to pee. I squinted my eyes 
from the bright light, peeking through half-closed eyes 
as I looked for the commode. I stood in front of the 
commode as I lifted the seat. Funny but I still lift the 
commode seat then made sure to put it down when I 
finished peeing. My wife didn't have many pet peeves 
with my habits except she hated to see a commode 
seat up.

With eyes still mostly glazed over with sleep, I used my 
unbandaged hand to quickly find my penis without 
having to look for it. After all, it has been in the same 
place on my body for 47 years now.

As I peed, I slowly woke up a little; although my eyes 
were still half closed to keep the bright light out. I 
shook my penis, to shake off the couple of remaining 
drops, flushed the commode, and put the seat back 
down. I turned around, as I reached for the light 
switch to turn it off. As I turned it off, I caught a 
glimpse of my reflection in the mirror. It only took a 
second for something to sink in on me that something 
was wrong with my reflection. I felt a sense of 
wrongness, of something very different about myself. I 
turned the light back on to look at my reflection very 
carefully.

I didn't see myself in the mirror. Instead I saw the 
image of Amanda in my pajama tops reflected in the 
mirror. I looked down at my body to see female breasts 
pushing out against the front of the pajama material. 
There were nipples on the breasts poking through the 
material. With one quick motion, I started unbuttoning 
the pajama top. I also noticed that my hands had 
changed into a woman's hands.

In less than two seconds, I'd the pajama top off so that 
I was standing naked, looking at myself in the mirror. 
Somehow, I'd changed into a clone of my daughter, 
Amanda. Or what I think a clone of my oldest daughter 
would look like, with a penis and short haircut.

Chapter 2 - Exploration

I've always been a scientist and try to keep from 
jumping to rash conclusions before I clearly examine 
all of the available evidence. Although I wanted to 
examine the most obvious feature first, which was the 
female breasts, I paused for a moment to take control 
of my very shaken emotions. I first determined that I 
was awake, therefore this couldn't be a dream. After 
taking a deep breath, I started examining myself from 
the head down, using a logical and systematic 
approach.

I touched my face's tender skin as I examined the 
reflection in the mirror. It was Amanda's face but it 
had my haircut. I looked at the hair line and saw 
traces of heavy fuzz among my widow peak in the front 
and in the area where my hair is thinning in the back. 
It was new hair growth that hadn't been there 
yesterday. While it was my hair style that I had for 
almost thirty years, it was her natural hair color, 
before she changed her hair color. 

I felt my chin, hoping to find the ever present beard 
stubble, but my face was just as smooth and soft as a 
baby's behind; without a trace of masculine facial hair. 
This face had never been shaved. 

It was her face. I now had her perky nose, her full lips 
that she inherited from her mother and her high 
cheekbones. The eyebrows were full and weren't her 
current plucked style. The eyelashes were long and 
wavy. And the eyes had changed color from my dark 
brown eyes to her light blue eyes. As I stared at the 
new eyes, I realized that I didn't need glasses to see 
now. So not only had my eyes changed, but also my 
vision had improved.

The ears were also different and looked like Amanda's 
ears except there were no pierced holes or sets of 
earrings that she normally wore in her earlobes. The 
neck was slender with no trace of my formerly 
prominent adam's apple. My new neck appeared 
almost fragile after being used to my wide neck all of 
my life.

My new face was narrow and angular; instead of being 
broad and laden with graying whiskers. It was the face 
of a beautiful nineteen years old girl, not a middle-age 
man. The face of Amanda Palance.

My shoulders were very narrow now or were narrow 
compared to what I was used to having. Hanging off 
my chest were a set of perfect perky boobs. They 
looked the way my wife's boobs looked when we first 
married before she became pregnant. I cupped them 
with my hands and determined that they felt very real. 
I also discovered that they were very sensitive. The 
nipples were almost three quarters of an inch long and 
were very firm. While I could verify that my face was a 
clone of Amanda's face, I couldn't verify that the 
breasts were her breasts; because I hadn't seen her 
naked body since she was twelve years old. But 
looking at them, I had to assume that this portion of 
my new body was also a clone of Amanda's body.

My very slender new arms had lost all of their normal 
male muscle mass and dark body hair. I couldn't wrap 
my hand around my larger male wrist, but my new 
female wrist could be easily circled by my long, slender 
fingers. 

My hands were also different. I ripped off the now 
oversized bandage from the cut to see that my cuts 
were all healed. My hands were small and my fingers 
were slender, instead of stout. My fingernails were my 
normal length fingernails and weren't the long 
fingernails that Amanda usually wears.

I looked at my narrow waist and the jutting hips. I 
turned around so that I could observe the fuller ass 
cheeks and wider hips in the mirror. Then I looked at 
my penis. For some reason, I was relieved to confirm 
that I still had one. It looked very normal. That is, as 
normal as a penis looked on a teen-age girl's body.

Then I saw a major difference. My testicles were much 
smaller. I examined the sac to discover that there was 
only one testicle instead of the normal two. And the 
remaining testicle appeared to be smaller. It was 
perhaps only two thirds the size that I remembered. 
The sac also shrank to conform to the smaller testicle. 
For whatever reason, just as more than half of my 
body had changed into a woman's body, also more 
than half of my testicles had disappeared as if it never 
existed.

Looking at my penis, I wasn't sure if it was the same 
size either. A soft shrunken penis looks almost the 
same all the time.

I stared at my unshaven woman's legs. My legs had 
always been muscular so that they looked like a pair of 
pylons. My new legs were slender and shapely. I 
searched for an old scar that I'd obtained in the Boy 
Scouts, but it was gone. My legs showed no evidence of 
the scaring from the bicycle wreck.

Finally, I looked at the feet to see that they had also 
changed to be much smaller and petite. The toenails 
looked funny because I was so used to Amanda's 
painted toenails. Seeing her feet without seeing the red 
nailpolish made them look slightly strange.

I looked back at my complete image in the mirror. I 
had to confirm that my body had changed into what I 
thought was an almost mirror image of what I 
imagined Amanda's body to look like, except for the 
fingernails, haircut, hair color, and penis. There were 
some details that I wasn't sure because I hadn't seen 
her naked body in many years. But from what I 
remembered seeing when she had her bathing suit on, 
this was an almost perfect clone of her body.

I walked back out into my bedroom and turned on the 
overhead light. Then I sat down in my easy chair to 
think about my discoveries so far. When I sat down, I 
immediately noticed that the chair was much bigger 
than it used to be. I realized that the chair wasn't 
bigger, but that I was now smaller and narrower so it 
made familiar objects appear bigger.

I sat in my chair so that I could think about what was 
happening to me. I tried to collect my thoughts, 
knowing that I needed to take my time evaluating what 
had happened to me. But I was very confused. After 
taking a deep breath, I start speaking out loud the 
facts that I knew so far. 

"First I've changed overnight, while I slept because of 
unknown reasons. I've got to believe that this change 
occurred because of the chemicals and fire." I noted, 
with an involuntary shudder as I heard my words but 
Amanda's voice.

"Second, I now exist in what appears to be a woman's 
body. This body is smaller and slighter than my real 
body. Somehow, I've lost over eighty pounds and six 
inches of height. It has all the general appearances of 
being a normal woman's body, however I don't 
consider it to be a woman's body because of the penis. 
However, anyone looking at me without seeing the 
penis would certainly concur that I've a woman's 
body."

"Third, I think that it's a clone of my oldest daughter's 
body, with three major exceptions. The hair, the 
fingernails, and the penis, which are all three 
remnants of my former body. I still have testicles, but 
only one, which appears to be slightly smaller than my 
former testicle. Why those four remnants exist, I don't 
know. The basic fact is that my new body appears to 
be a clone of my daughter's body. I know that I was 
working on several of her DNA samples when the lab 
was destroyed."

"Four, I'm still changing slightly I think. I've some light 
fuzz in my hairline that I haven't had before. It appears 
to be my hairline filling back out to what would be 
normal for Amanda. Why did this not change or why is 
it changing now? Does this mean that my penis will 
turn into a vagina soon if I continue to change?"

"Fifth, I appear to be young. My apparent age is 
nineteen years old, which corresponds with my 
daughters age. Are my internal organs now nineteen or 
forty-seven? My breasts appear to be developed 
teenage female breasts but what age is my cock? With 
it's wrinkles and foreskin, age of a penis is difficult to 
determine. The pubic hair is dark while my former 
pubic hair had some gray hairs."

As calmly as possible, I exclaimed "My name is 
Richard Palance and my oldest daughter's name is 
Amanda. The word Vinegar, Tabasco, and Carolina 
have always been difficult for me to pronounce 
correctly." as I listened to the spoken words. I was 
positive that it was her voice that I was hearing.

"Sixth, my voice now sounds exactly like her voice, but 
it still has my general pronunciation and clipped 
speech patterns. The speech patterns, which I learned 
as I grew up in New Jersey. Not Amanda's more 
southern, pronunciation or soft speech patterns. 
Amanda frequently makes fun of my pronunciation of 
some words. My new voice sounds like her mimicking 
me."

"Seventh, I don't have any witness that have observed 
this change or anyone that can verify that I'm who I 
claim to be. For all practical purposes, Richard 
Palance doesn't exist anymore."

I looked at my hands as I wondered if these were my 
fingerprints or her fingerprints. Then I decided with 
the slender and longer fingers, that my patterns would 
have changed, even if I kept them. So my new 
fingerprints were probably not similar to the ones on 
file for Richard Palance.

"Eight, only my daughters can verify my identity now. 
Verification of my identity could only be accomplished 
by questions and answers that only I know. They are 
the only ones that could ask me questions that only I 
would know. Their opinion may or may not stand up in 
a courtroom, if proving my original identity becomes 
an issue."

"Ninth, my change was probably caused by the 
unknown mixture of chemicals and the cuts that I 
received during the fire. There is no way to duplicate it 
or know the combination of chemicals that produced 
this change in me."

"Tenth, I've no way of determining if this change is 
permanent or if other changes will occur." hearing a 
tremor in my voice; as my quickly jumped through all 
sorts of tangents that could still occur.

"Eleventh, I'm a sexual ambiguity. I'm neither female 
nor male. I've the overall appearances of a woman, but 
the sexual equipment of a man. While I've not dated 
anyone since my wife died, any woman that I approach 
from now on, would think that I was a woman. If I 
reveal my cock, they'll think that I'm a she-male and 
converted myself into an almost woman. Any woman 
that dated me would have to have lesbian tendencies 
because of my overall feminine appearance. If I date a 
man, he would have to accept me as the ambiguity 
that I'm now. I think that most men wouldn't accept 
finding a cock between my legs. I know that I would 
have punched out anyone that tried to fool me. I don't 
know at this time, if I'm a woman or a man for sexual 
purposes. I also don't know if my sexual preferences 
have changed because of my new body." Then another 
difference struck me.

"Twelve, are my hormones male or female. If my body 
is producing female hormones, my body will continue 
to develop with the female characteristics, but my 
penis will quit functioning sexually, eventually turning 
into something that is just a pee spout. If my body is 
producing male hormones, then my feminine 
appearance will change over time. Remembering my 
college classes, male hormones will make my body 
thicker, hairier and can result in resumed facial 
growth. What will Amanda look like with a beard? Will 
I change into a more androgynous looking individual 
over time?"

"Thirteen, all of my male clothes don't fit my new 
slender, smaller, female body shape. I'll have to wear 
Amanda's clothes until I can get some of my own. Like 
it or not, I'll have to maintain an feminine image until 
such time as I decide what to do with my appearance."

"Fourteen, because of my uncanny cloned appearance 
as Amanda, I'll have to make sure that I don't get her 
in trouble. Anyone seeing me will think that it's 
Amanda. Not that I plan on getting her in trouble, but 
our lives just became more interwoven. My new 
temporary identity will have to be Amanda's identity 
until such time as I can establish my own separate, 
new identity."

I stood, walked back into the bathroom and looked at 
my naked body in the mirrors again. I tucked my penis 
between my legs, pulling it back while holding my legs 
together as I looked at my mirror reflection. I knew 
that it was a mirror image of what Amanda must see 
everytime that she looks into a mirror when she is 
naked.

I looked at the clock. It was five-thirty now. Cathy will 
be getting up in about an hour to get ready for school. 
I didn't know what I was going to do, but I knew that I 
was going to do something that required me to be 
clothed. I'll have to put on some of Amanda's clothes. I 
slip on one of my now oversized robes, then walk 
quietly down the hall, past the guest bedroom to 
Amanda's room. After I entered her room and shut the 
door, I turn on the light.

I opened her underwear drawer. I selected a pair of 
plain white silk panties. I took my robe off before 
examining the panties to determine which was the 
front. I held up the panties, discovering that the 
smoothness of the fabric fascinated me. Closing my 
eyes, not really sure I wanted to do this, I put them on. 
I felt goosebumps as I pulled them up my legs. I had 
felt my wife's panties before but I had never realized 
how really soft a panty was, when you were wearing it. 
They felt so nice as I pulled them up, even if they did 
look funny, with my cock jutting against the front. I 
tucked my cock back between my legs and squeezed it 
between my legs while I looked in the mirror. With the 
panties on, it was definitely a woman's image that I 
saw reflected. I studied myself in the mirror as I 
thought that I don't really need to wear a bra with 
these firm breasts, but I don't want to have anyone 
stare at my jiggling breasts.

I selected a matching white silk bra and inserted my 
arms through the bra straps then tried to fasten it 
behind me. I discovered that I can't reach back there. 
Then I remembered that my wife used to fasten it in 
front and rotate it. I shivered as the lacy fabric slid 
over my breasts, and I felt my face flush as my nipples 
became erect from the rubbing of the gentle fabric. 
While that procedure worked, the bra still felt tight. I 
adjusted the bra until it felt more comfortable, 
recognizing that it'll never be too comfortable. The bra 
felt so soft against my skin and my breasts felt better 
now that they are properly supported. I smiled again at 
the image of the woman reflected in the mirror. If I 
ignored the masculine short haircut, I saw a one 
hundred percent woman.

I selected a pair of jeans and pulled them on. At first, I 
thought that I'm too big to get into these jeans that 
should fit my body. Then I remember that she always 
wore tight jeans. With a little pulling, I'm able to pull 
them on and button the snap button. I looked again in 
the mirror at the way the jeans made my butt look 
tight. Why do teenagers have to dress this way? Can't 
they wear clothes that fit properly?

I selected a white plain blouse from the closet as I 
slipped it on. I had problems buttoning it until I 
realized that the buttons are reversed from the side 
that I'm used to.

I hear an alarm clock go off in one of the other 
bedrooms. Then it shuts up as Cathy turned it off. I 
turned off the light, lay down on Amanda's bed and 
waited for Cathy to get dressed and to go to school. I 
can't let her see me like this yet.

Chapter 3 - Meeting other people

I lay on Amanda's bed thinking about everything that 
I've discovered so far. My mind was trying to organize 
all of the facts when the bedroom door opened, then 
Cathy turned on the light.

I sit up quickly and just stare at her, not really sure 
what to say. She is wearing only a little tie-dye tanktop 
that she sleeps in and matching panties. The tanktop 
is clinging to her filled-out bra-less breasts. She jumps 
causing her breasts to bounce then she smiles as she 
says quickly "Shit. You scared me. I didn't know you 
were coming home early. I just want to borrow your 
brown skirt to wear to school today."

She thought that I was Amanda because I was lying in 
Amanda's bed, had on Amanda's clothes, and looked 
like Amanda. She looked at me kinda puzzled before 
she says "That's a far out haircut. Looks like dad's 
haircut. Some girls in school have similar styles, but I 
like the longer look. Well, can I borrow your skirt?"

I nodded my head yes and she walks to the closet. I 
watched the way that she jiggles as she walks, feeling 
mixed emotions. It was difficult to keep from staring at 
her perky breasts and the way they bounced under her 
shirt material. I was proud of her healthy body, but at 
the same time, I was perturbed at the way that she 
was filling out. My little girl had been growing up while 
I was sulking in my lab. My memory of her boobies 
when I last saw her, wasn't of something the size of 
jiggling oranges, but more along the size of fried eggs. 
With a body like that, I'll have to protect her from the 
boys that will be hanging around the house.

Then it hit me. With a body like my new body, I'll have 
to protect myself first. I remembered all of those high 
school boys that used to come over to study with 
Amanda, that will think that I'm now her.

As Cathy searched through the closet, she says "Dad's 
all right. We just need to keep him out of the lab. It 
wouldn't hurt him to get laid either. He's stayed too 
much at home since Mom died. I tried to introduce 
him to my friend's mother, but he wasn't interested. 
We need to gang up on him to help him realize that life 
must go on and he must adapt to his lifestyle changes. 
Do you have a belt for this skirt? I didn't know you 
had this one." as she pulls a skirt out, holding it up 
against her body.

She didn't give me time to reply as she continued 
"Remember Jeff Hawkins. He's rented a motel room for 
Friday night. I've been trying to figure out how to get 
out of the house without worrying Dad. I thought 
about using that trick that you told me about, but I've 
been saving it for when I really need it. What do you 
think I should tell Dad?" as she looked directly at me.

I had to say something. I took a deep breath and 
answered "Go. I don't think that he'll object. After all, 
you're seventeen now."

She bit her lower lip and shrugged "I know. I just hate 
lying to him about where I'm going. He still thinks that 
I'm his little girl and that I don't know anything about 
sex. If he only knew some of the things that I've done 
in the last three years. Well, I've got to get ready for 
school or I won't be able to get a student parking spot. 
See you when I get home."

She walked out of the room, shutting the door as she 
left. A couple of minutes later, I heard her down in the 
kitchen. I stayed in Amanda's room until I heard 
Cathy's car start.

I decided that I needed some tests done on me to see 
what I really am. Am I male or female? If my lab still 
existed, I could do most of the tests myself. But now, I 
need to have someone else test me. Which means that 
I've got to leave the house, dressed as Amanda, looking 
like Amanda. Only I can't act like Amanda.

I walked into her bathroom, taking a good long look at 
myself in her bathroom mirror. My old college hairstyle 
didn't look good on a woman. I selected a hairbrush 
and started brushing my hair, trying to make it look 
more feminine. With a little bit of hair spray, I was able 
to make a mess of it. No matter what I did, it didn't 
look right with this face. I searched through a pile of 
her clothes in her closet until I found her old high 
school baseball cap. I put it on, covering up my hair.

Returning to the mirror, I knew that something had to 
be done with my face, but I wasn't sure what or how. I 
selected a tube of lipstick and carefully applied a little 
lipstick on my lips. I knew that Amanda wouldn't leave 
the house looking like this. She does something else to 
her eyes and cheeks but I didn't know what. I saw all 
of her various cosmetics on the shelf but was afraid to 
experiment. My wife wore make-up and I watched her 
sometimes as she put it on, but I never paid any 
attention to how she did it. I placed the tube of lipstick 
into my jeans pocket before I go back to my master 
bedroom.

I picked up my billfold and carkeys. before realizing 
that I didn't have any identification to write any checks 
or use the credit cards made out to my male name. I 
tried to put my billfold into my jeans' pocket, but it 
wouldn't fit into the too tight jeans. I went back to her 
room, looking for a purse to carry the billfold. As I 
opened a purse, I saw a couple of tampaxes mixed in 
with the assorted make-up. As least with my penis, I 
wouldn't have to worry about having to use those 
damn things. Or would I? While I don't have a vagina, I 
do have other female characteristics. I could still be 
subject to some type of menstruation.

I walked out to the garage but couldn't get into my car 
at first. The tube of lipstick in my tight jeans hurt so I 
took it out, putting it into the purse with the rest of 
the potpourri items that women think they have to 
carry with them. 

I slid into the car seat, discovering that the seat had to 
be adjusted closer, then all of the mirrors adjusted so 
that my smaller body could drive. I carefully backed 
the car out realizing that I couldn't see out of the car 
as well now. I drove carefully to town, being careful to 
stay below the speed limit. Driving without a license, I 
didn't need to be pulled over by any local cops.

I found a place to park in the hospital parking lot. As I 
walked into the Emergency Room, some boy called out 
"Hello Amanda." as he smiled, trying to get my 
attention.

I looked up at him but didn't know him. He wasn't tall, 
but I felt short because of my new smaller height. I 
kept walking until I found the Lab.

"Yes, can I help you?" the technician asked, in a 
repetitive monotone; not even looking up at me.

"I want to have a compete set of blood work done on 
myself." I replied in what I hoped was an appropriately 
sounding confident tone.

"We can't do tests without an authorized doctor's 
signature requesting specific tests. Only thing that I 
can do on your personal request is an Aids test. Is that 
what you want?" he responded as he smiled at me, 
with what I imagined to be a slight leer.

"No, I'll be back soon. I forgot to bring the paperwork 
with me." I sighed then walked out of the hospital

I drove over to Doctor Johnson's place, only to discover 
his locked door and that office hours didn't start for 
another two hours. I walked back to the car, leaning 
against it as I thought about what to tell the doctor. I 
didn't pay any attention to an slowly approaching car, 
until the driver says "Welcome home."

I recognized Tommy what's-his-name that was a high 
school boyfriend of Amanda's. I forced myself to smile 
and say "Hi Tommy." being careful to speak slowly and 
softly to mimic Amanda's speech patterns.

He leaned against my car as he says "I broke up with 
Marisa. How about going to the party out at the lake 
with me later this week?"

I stammered "I just got back home. I've got to look after 
my Dad."

He leaned closer as he whispered "I still have the keys 
to my old man's lake cabin. Remember that view of the 
lake and how you enjoyed swimming naked in the 
moonlight?"

I knew my face blushed as I tried to decide if I should 
hit him or accept his offer. For some reason, I felt very 
comfortable being around Tommy. I felt warm and 
funny inside as I looked at him and talked to him. Am 
I attracted to him sexually? I didn't know what I was 
feeling or why I was feeling this way. I decided that I 
needed to investigate this strange feeling a little more 
before I made any commitments. After all, I need to 
determine what turns me on. What better place to do 
that than at a party?

"Why don't you call me at home later and let's talk 
about it." I suggested, using that as a method to 
postpone making a decision.

"Cool. Well, I need to go clock in. Us working stiffs 
have to be at work on time. I like your new hairstyle." 
he declared as he walked away.

Bull shit. I knew that he really liked it because of the 
body that it was on. If it was purple, he would have 
liked it just as much. I was young, male and horny 
once myself.

Finally the doctor's office opened so that I could get in. 
I managed to talk my way into an impromptu visit with 
the doctor, who had been a close family friend ever 
since we moved here.

"Hi, Amanda, come on in. Tell me what is going on 
with you where I must to see you today. You don't 
suspect that you're pregnant, do you?" he asked as I 
entered his office.

I sat down and suggested slowly trying to match 
Amanda's phrasing "I need to have a complete 
physical. Dad is working on something and he has to 
have an accurate, current physical on me."

He frowned as he asked "He's not injecting or giving 
you anything is he?"

"No, he's still testing my blood work but he wants a 
comparison." I lied.

"I've a busy schedule today, but I'll arrange for the 
tests and lab-work. Then I'll work you in tomorrow's 
schedule. It'll probably be the first of the week before I 
can get you in to see an gynecologist. How long has it 
been since you had a pap smear?" he requested as he 
filled out some lab slips.

I was glad that his attention was diverted because I 
forgot that a complete physical would include looking 
for normal vagina functions. After he filled out the lab 
paperwork and scheduled me for the following day, I 
returned to the lab to have the blood work drawn.

After I got the labwork completed, I was starved so I 
went into McDonalds to get something to eat. The girl 
behind the counter said "Hi, Amanda. I didn't know 
that you were home. Are you going to the party?"

I didn't know her either, but apparently she knew 
Amanda. I tried to smile the way Amanda smiles as I 
responded "I just found out about it. I'm thinking 
about it but haven't made my mind up yet."

"Good. I like your hairstyle. I thought about getting my 
hair cut short during the summer. It's so much easier 
to take care of." she declared as she rang up my order.

Then she leaned forward as she whispered "Tommy 
knocked up Marisa. When she told him, he dropped 
her. So he's available again."

I didn't know what to say so I just nodded my head. 
Another customer came up so the girl said "Call me at 
home later. I'll bring you up to date on who is doing 
what while you're at school."

I picked up my tray and went outside to eat my food at 
one of the outdoor tables. I was about half way 
finished when Tommy sat down beside me. 

He called out, "Hi, I saw your dad's car parked here 
and was hoping that you were alone."

Based upon what I had just learned about him, I didn't 
trust him now. I carefully muttered, "Thought you were 
at work."

"Yeah, but I wanted to get out of the shop for a couple 
of hours. I told them that I had to check on some 
orders. It helps to have my uncle own the company." 
he replied with a big grin.

I asked, "Won't you get in trouble if they catch you?"

He answered, "Nah, my uncle is protective of me. He 
thinks that some day, I'm going to help his daughter 
run the company. If he only knew I plan on her helping 
me run the company, he'd flip out."

I nodded, seeing a side of Tommy that I had never seen 
when he visited my house. "I see."

He propped his legs on the seat and asked "Do you 
want to go for a ride out to the park? They're not 
expecting me back for a couple of hours."

I took a sip of my drink and suggested "I don't want 
you to get in trouble with your job. Or your girlfriend."

Without hesitation, he grumped, "What did you expect 
me to do while you were gone to college. I went from 
having sex with you three times a week to nothing. I 
was bouncing off the wall. Marisa came along and 
helped me get over you. You were the one that left me." 

Then he paused and continued his answer "I went out 
with a few other girls from high school, but none of 
them interested me the way you did. I only dated 
Marisa because she was mine to fuck anytime that I 
wanted her. When I started looking elsewhere, she quit 
taking her birth control pills, hoping that I would 
marry her if she got pregnant. I found out too late that 
she had quit so that's when I broke up with her."

I sipped the cola, not knowing what to say. I really 
shouldn't be having this discussion because Amanda 
has a right to her privacy. 

Tommy looked at me, but I uttered nothing. "The real 
story about why I went out with Marisa, is because she 
is good in bed. Not as good as you, but she kept me 
satisfied and coming back for more of her liquid 
honeypot."

I was taken aback and allowed my normal New Jersey 
speech patterns to slip in as I responded "I don't think 
that's any of my business."

He looked at me and shrugged as he continued 
"Actually, she's wonderful in bed. She's playful, 
attentive, and stimulating. We find ways to keep our 
sex lives from getting stale. And she liked having sex in 
public places."

I looked at him, surprised. "You mean you . . ."

"One time we did it in the back of my father's pickup 
truck during a basketball game. We fucked in a 
shower stall of the school's women locker room, while 
a game was being played. And once we did it on the 
top level of the football field bleachers."

I was taken aback by his language to me or the 
Amanda that he thought I was. I didn't appreciate 
anyone talking this way to my daughter, even though 
she was almost a legal adult. "I see..."

He looked at me with a big grin "You ever think of 
doing it in public?" 

I honestly replied "Well, no. I haven't."

He nodded, "Too bad. Part of the thrill is thinking you 
might be discovered while you're getting it on. One 
time, she blew me in a dressing room at Sears. When 
we came out, I saw a clerk frowning at us."

"Imagine what would happen if you got caught."

He looked at me with a far-away look on his face. "Old 
people don't know how to live. All they think about is 
their reputation. Well, before I get old and start acting 
like an old fart, I plan on enjoying life. You want to 
drive over to the basketball court. I got a blanket in the 
trunk."

I shook my head as I stood up. "No, It's getting late. I 
don't have time or the desire to go anywhere with you. 
I think it would be better if I don't go with you to the 
party."

He looked at me, not taking the hint. "Yeah. So can we 
pick up where we left off?"

"I don't think so. I'll probably attend the party, but 
definitely not as your guest."

He smiled as he shrugged, "Always playing hard to get 
with me. You know that I like that. Well, I'll call you 
tomorrow and we'll talk about it."

He stood up as he reached for my hand, but I ignored 
him. I turned to walk to my car. He walked with me 
still continuing his banter and trying to hold my hand. 
When we got to my car, he leaned over and gave me a 
quick kiss on the lips before I could do anything. Then 
he walked away.

After he drove away, I sat down in my car thinking 
about all of the strange emotions that I had been 
experiencing. I was confused. I was happy. I was glad 
to see him when he sat down. I was upset at him for 
the way that he was talking, but I realized it was 
because I was still protective of my little girl. He said 
or did nothing that the typical horny young male 
would do. I knew that they dated for a long time and 
had frequently suspected that they were having sex, 
but I tried to ignore those thoughts about my golden 
girl. 

I remembered glancing at Tommy's filled out tight 
jeans as we talked. When a warm flush flowed through 
my body, I realized that I was probably sexually 
attracted to him. I shook my head and muttered, "I'm a 
man. I'm not a teenage girl. I'm an androgen. I cannot 
be attracted to my daughter's old boyfriend. I must not 
steal her life by trying to be her. I cannot feel this way. 
I've got to take control of my life. I must become my 
own individual. I can't live her life or share her life."

Chapter 4 - Nick

I drove around for a little because I was feeling very 
confused. My orderly and calm life was fucked up 
forever now. I've chosen my life's direction, except for 
the brief period after my wife died. And now, I'm in a 
body that looks like a nineteen years old girl. Not just 
any girl, but my oldest daughter.

I feel confused because of the way that I'm reacting to 
my lifestyle crisis. I should be wearing male clothes, 
not Amanda's clothes. Only my old clothes are too 
large now. I should have told Doctor Johnson the truth 
so that he could do a through physical on me. 

I should have told Tommy to go away. He thinks that 
I'm Amanda, but what would he do if he knew that I 
was metamorphosed into a she-male clone of Amanda. 
At the least, I should've told him that I'm not Amanda. 

Also, why was I aroused by being near Tommy? Yes, 
for some reason I was sexually aroused when Tommy 
came around me, even after I discovered his true 
personality. 

Was it because there's an over abundance of female 
hormones flowing through this still changing body? 
Could his pheromones stimulate my new female 
hormones? 

But that shouldn't occur. I still have a cock hanging 
between my legs. I don't have a vagina. I may have 
breasts, hips, thin waist, and other female attributes, 
but I don't have a vagina.

Then a frightening concept struck me. People do 
strange things because of hormones. Was it possible 
that my hormones were changing the way that I act 
and thought? Were hormones turning me into a 
woman with a cock? I was very confused and couldn't 
think straight. I needed to think about everything. 

I saw the sign for The Brass Rail, which was a little bar 
that I used to stop at every once in a while. I pulled 
into the parking lot, then walked in noticing that I was 
the only customer from the cars. That suited me 
because I didn't want to talk to anyone. Earl, the 
owner and Nick, the bartender were behind the bar.

As I walked across the floor, Nick is staring at me 
causing me to feel funny inside again. Now I wish that 
I had kept driving. I've been in here many times and 
have never had this weird feeling before. And I 
recognize its because of Nick. 

I sat down at the barstool, as I placed my purse on the 
counter. I smiled, trying to appear normal as I 
requested "Bud, please", my customary drink.

Nick looked at me funny. I thought that he had 
recognized something asexual about me, then realized 
he was looking at my unfeminine haircut. He 
questioned "Amanda, thought that you wouldn't be 
home for another couple of weeks. And when did you 
change to Bud? You never drank anything but those 
light beers before, Babe."

Amanda drinks? I didn't know that. I resisted the 
temptation to let my mind wander on that concept and 
responded, remembering to keep my voice southern "I 
learned to like it from parties. You know how college 
parties are."

"Yeah, I attended a few before they threw me out." he 
said as he poured me a beer.

Earl suggested "Show me your ID for the record, 
Amanda. Don't want any law coming in here and 
checking you out."

ID? That's right. Amanda is younger than the drinking 
age. I don't have any ID except for my normal male ID. 
I'm carrying Amanda's purse only because I can't get 
my keys into her tight pockets. I slowly opened the 
purse and looked inside, knowing I would find nothing. 
Then I responded very meekly "I forgot my billfold. I'll 
leave." 

Nick angrily whispered "You lost that special ID that I 
got for you? Do you realize what I had to do to get you 
a phony ID?" Then he turned to Earl and proclaimed 
"Just this one and she'll leave. I promise."

Earl grumbled and shook his head yes. Nick put the 
beer down in front of me, leaning over so that his face 
was close to mine. He softly muttered "I get off at 
eleven tonight. Come by my place to watch my new 
bedroom TV. While you're there, you can pick up those 
clothes that you left the last time?"

"No, I just arrived and have some things to do." I 
responded as I realized that my daughter had sex with 
this man. 

Suddenly I understood why I felt weird. I felt the same 
way when I was around Tommy. Amanda must by 
turned on by both of these men. If she was naturally 
turned on by him, then my new hormones could do 
the same to me. That's why I felt the same way with 
Tommy but not the other boys that I saw today.

He mumbled as he asked "Don't tell me that your old 
man is still treating you like a kid? You know you can 
move in with me any time." then he smiled a shitty 
smile as he continued "Any time. My place is your 
place. All you have to do, is ask me."

"No, I've got. . . . I mean my father has nothing to do 
with my decision. I'm having my annual physical 
tomorrow and don't want the doctor to see hickeys all 
over me." I responded with something that I thought 
would be appropriate.

Earl noted "I'm going to the back. Be back shortly. Re-
fill the beer coolers." as he looked at me continuing 
"And you had better be gone or be legal."

Nick nodded as he retorted "Back to the slave pit."

As Nick filled the coolers, I used the time to reflect 
about what I was learning about Amanda. Everything 
that I've heard in the last six hours doesn't describe 
the Amanda that I know. My Amanda is a well-
behaved young lady. Yet everyone has given me the 
impression that she sneaks around, as she enjoys an 
active sex life.

Feeling the need to pee, I walked to the bathroom. I 
caught myself getting ready to walk into the Men's 
room which could give me away. Or would it? People 
make mistakes all the time. 

Holding my breath, I entered the women's restroom. 
After making sure that I was the only occupant, I 
selected a stall and urinated standing up. I didn't drop 
my jeans down below my crotch because they were so 
hard to pull up. After peeing, I pushed my penis back 
between my legs, knowing that the tight jeans would 
keep it tucked away. If it was in its normal position, it 
would be clearly seen in this tight form fitting jeans.

I pulled up the panties, being surprised when the 
smoothness of the fabric rubbing against me aroused 
me. Closing my eyes, not really sure what I was doing, 
I rubbed my hand against the panties, enjoying the 
soft and nice feeling. I rubbed my hands on my chest, 
feeling the bra through the blouse. I was aware of 
every inch of my skin. My blouse felt cool against my 
skin. I shivered as the bra's lacy fabric rubbed over my 
sensitive female breasts. That simple touch caused my 
nipples to become erect. My face flushed as I realized 
how close I was to masturbating myself in the bar's 
woman restroom.

I exited the stall, looking at my mirrored image as I 
studied my new image. I tried to rationalize as I 
thought that my strange actions were caused by my 
female hormones which I'll learn to restrain. As I gazed 
at my reflection, I felt something deep within me 
awaken. Yes, I'm a woman with a woman's many 
needs. As I stared at the image of my breasts 
hardening nipples under the blouse, I nodded to 
myself. Its a woman's body now. 

Slowly I lifted my hands, pausing, delaying the feel of 
the bra's soft silk against my fingers. Shutting my 
eyes, I gently pressed my hands against my blouse 
before squeezing my breasts ever so gently. My breasts 
felt so firm, yet soft and wonderful at the same time. 

I took the ballcap off, knowing that my male haircut 
increased my personal gender confusion. Something 
has to be done about the hair. As I fluffed it, Nick 
groaned "I missed you."

He was standing in the open doorway, watching me. I 
angrily cried "This is the Women's bathroom. How long 
have you been standing there?"

"Long enough. I'm supposed to frequently check and 
clean the bathroom. Don't be so uptight. Just the two 
of us are here now." he responded with a lecherous 
grin on his face. "Come here; I've got a surprise for 
you."

He stepped in letting the door shut behind him. I 
turned around angrily hoping he would leave. I 
watched his reflection in the mirror as he put his arms 
around my waist and kissed me on the neck.

"No, Nick, you idiot!" I squirmed, knowing that he was 
too strong for me to physically resist him. His hands 
cupped my breasts, squeezing them as he suggested 
"We only have a minute to get a quick feel and thrill to 
remind us how much we enjoy fucking each other."

With that he smiled, as he pressed his lips on mine. I 
panicked. I was trapped in a bar's woman's restroom, 
being kissed by a man. I didn't want to create a scene 
but I didn't want to do what he wanted. I struggled 
against him, but I couldn't escape his strong hold.

Realizing that he wouldn't stop, my only chance was to 
pretend to participate until I could escape. Resigned to 
allowing him to kiss me, I opened my mouth slightly. 
He responded by hungrily probing his tongue deep into 
my mouth. It felt as if it was being pushed down my 
throat.

Thirty seconds later, I wanted more. I was feeling a 
strong unknown desire and enjoyment. I quit resisting 
because I was actually enjoying the kiss. For some 
strange reason, it didn't matter that it was a man's hot 
tongue. Surprised at my quick acceptance, I eased my 
tongue into his mouth. He accepted enthusiastically as 
we kissed each other lustily for several seconds.

Wanting more, I willing wrapped my arms around his 
neck and one leg around his hips. Recognizing my 
horniness, he began fondling my breasts through my 
thin blouse. He pulled his lips from mine and began to 
passionately nuzzle my neck. I put my hand behind 
his head and ran my fingers through his curly dark 
hair. I felt like my entire body was being explored by 
his soft hands and luscious mouth.

"I've missed you, Mandy", he whispered. "But I plan to 
catch up on lost time." His arms held me as he 
muzzled my breasts through the blouse. I knew what 
was happening, but couldn't resist. I just stood there 
as his lips pressed hungrily against my own. Knowing 
that I was really enjoying it.

As we kissed, his hands pulled the back of my blouse 
out of my jeans. I couldn't stop or slow him down or 
give him the impression that I didn't want him. I didn't 
resist any for some unknown reason.

He softly moaned "I knew that you missed me. I've got 
the biggest cock in town and you know it. You love 
playing with my cock. Did you miss my little big man?"

The touch of his warm hands on my bare back was too 
much for me. I felt my hands rubbing small circles on 
the back of his tush as my leg eased between his legs. 
Recognizing that I was losing control of my emotions, I 
whispered "No, please don't."

"Too late, baby. I've got to have some nooky. You know 
what you do to me. I`m going to fuck you." he groaned 
as he squeezed my breasts. I was beginning to pant as 
I felt the same strong sexual desires that he was 
describing. I had to regain control of myself somehow.

"I can't go all the way. Wrong time of the month." I 
lied, recognizing that my voice had turned husky.

"Take care of me and I'll take care of you later, babe." 
he ordered in a breathless voice. I knew what he 
wanted, which worried me because I wanted it also. 

He pulled my blouse up, exposing my flat stomach; 
which he began kissing and licking. He continued 
upward, until his lips touched my bra.

With one quick flick, he unhooked my bra. I wasn't 
surprised when I saw my rock-hard pink nipples. It 
was evident that he liked my breasts as his fingers 
cupped them. An electrical shock hit me as he 
massaged my very erect nipples. I didn't know female 
breasts could be so sensitive. When he began sucking 
my stiff nubs voraciously, I wanted to scream from the 
pleasure. He sucked, licked, and bit my throbbing 
nipples while I convulsed from the pleasure.

I put my arms around his waist, trying to slide my 
hand down his jeans to feel his tight ass. I was feeling 
his hard cock press against my pelvic area as he 
squeezed my boobs and nibbled on my neck. In less 
than ninety seconds of close up sexual simulation, I 
had changed from being a confused androgynous half-
woman to being a horny woman. I wanted sex knowing 
that it had been a year since the last time. I was 
turned on, wanted it now and didn't care that I would 
be on the fuckee side instead of being on the more 
familiar fucker side.

"You want to talk, or what?" I slipped my hand 
between his legs, feeling his cock straining against his 
jeans. "No, you definitely don't want to talk." 

We kissed passionately again, feeling the electrical 
surge through my body. I never thought that I'd be 
kissing a man or wanting to have sex with a man. 
Aware that I had reached the point of no return, I 
struggled with emotions versus logic. Without a second 
thought, I surrendered myself to Nick.

I unsnapped Nick's pants, sliding them down his hips. 
His jockey shorts barely contained his erect cock, as it 
bulged out at the waistband. I dragged my fingernails 
up the shaft of his penis, teasing the cockhead.

Nick groaned softly as he pulled my blouse and bra off. 
He gently kissed each tit. Flames roared through my 
body from his wet lips touch as my body ached to be 
absorbed by him. My head rolled back and I moaned 
loudly as my breasts throbbed for his lips. He lightly 
swirled each nipple with his tongue in ever increasing 
circles until his lips were wrapped around the entire 
breast. My hands pulled his pants down. He stepped 
out of them, removing his underwear at the same time. 
While he licked and teased my breasts, one of my 
hands massaged his scrotum; while the other hand 
slowly jacked him off.

Nick started to undo my jeans, but I stopped him 
although I didn't really want to stop him. "No. It's 
better for both of us if I leave them on for now. I'm very 
messy today."

Nick put my hands back on his hard cock. He stared 
into my eyes, probably seeing my mixture of passion 
and confusion that I was experiencing. 

Nick shrugged as he kissed my navel causing me to 
pull his face into my belly. He licked his way back up 
my body until his tongue was probing my mouth 
again. I stroked his shaft as he squeezed my boobs; 
experiencing emotions never felt before. I stroked his 
cock, pulling him close to me. We were enjoying my 
hand slowly stroking his hard cock as he bucked his 
hips against my hand. 

He turned us around so that his butt was resting 
against the sink. He put his hands on my shoulders as 
he started pressing down, wanting me to go down on 
him. I resisted for a second, then let him push me 
down until I was on my knees and his cock was inches 
from my face. I was still stroking it and looking at a 
cock pointed back at me. Slowly my mouth opened 
then I kissed his cock.

As my lips touched his cock, I knew that I wanted his 
cock. I kissed it again, before taking the cockhead into 
my mouth. I slowly rolled my tongue against the 
smooth head. I could feel him shudder with delight, 
which caused a similar strong pleasure for myself. I 
knew that I was in control our love-making now. I 
could do anything that I wanted to do now. He would 
do anything for me to continue. I eased more of his 
cock into my mouth as I raked my fingernails up and 
down his back. He tried to ram his cock deep into my 
mouth, his pubic hair curling around my lips. I felt the 
taste of his leaking pre-cum, knowing that his male 
semen was leaking into my mouth.

I sucked more of his cock, using my mouth as a 
vagina. Suddenly Nick gasped and grunted as his cum 
boiled out of his erect, quivering penis, coating the 
inside of my mouth. I held on and sucked as I his cock 
twitched. Then his hot semen filled my mouth as he 
shot his load into my sucking mouth. He shot off, 
spewing what seemed like gallons of cum into my 
mouth. His hands were around my head, ramming my 
face against his cock, as he pumped streams of thick 
cum into my accepting mouth.

Finally, he quit pumping the warm, salty liquid into 
my mouth as he started growing flaccid.

"Hello, anyone here." cried a loud male voice out in the 
bar area.

Nick's muttered softly "Shit. A fucking customer."

As he pulled his trousers back up, he loudly screamed 
"Be there in a moment. Just putting some more paper 
in the bathroom."

He quickly dressed and returned to the bar. I turned 
around to look at myself in the bathroom mirror. My 
blouse and bra were off. My body was flushed and I 
had red marks all over my body from his fingers 
squeezing me. I had some mild teeth marks on my 
neck and boobs. There was cum on my lips and I could 
still taste his warm salty cum.

I was deeply aroused and realized several disturbing 
facts. If we had been somewhere else, I would have had 
more sex with him. I wanted to have sex with him. I 
had no control over my actions or emotions when 
aroused. My body was extremely sensitive now and 
easy to get aroused.

I slid my firm, milky white breasts into the delicate 
white silk bra and clasped it together in the front. 

Tracing my hand lightly across my breasts, I noticed 
their perky erectness. I explored my lower body, 
running my hands over my slender belly before 
turning sideways to admire my ass. I realized how 
sensual it was to touch my new body this way. The 
fingers of my left hand faintly grazed the cock still 
tucked between my legs. I glanced at the mirror again. 
I felt a little embarrassed to find myself standing in 
front of a bar mirror wearing only a bra and jeans, my 
fingers rubbing my hard cock.

I shook that image out of my mind as I put the shirt 
on. I ran my hands through my hair as a comb before I 
put the ballcap back on. I rinsed my face, then gargled 
with sink water. When I was presentable, I walked out 
of the bathroom. I glanced at the bar to see Nick 
standing behind it, drying a glass, as he talked to his 
only customer. He watched me as I walked out of the 
bar.

Chapter 5 - Introducing Renee

I raced home. When I parked the car, I started crying. I 
don't know why. I just felt like crying. I spent half an 
hour in the parked car, getting control of my emotions 
and my confused thoughts.

When I had composed myself, I entered the house and 
sat down on the couch. It was two thirty in the 
afternoon. I had been in this androgynous body almost 
twelve hours and had just given my first blow job. 
Have I become a queer now? Or am I a woman now?

Suddenly, I shivered, knowing that it wasn't the old me 
sitting there, but the new me. This new person was 
comfortable wearing a silk panty and bra to support 
female breasts. The old Richard Palance would die 
before he would wear silk female underwear. 

With my eyes closed, I gently pressed my hands 
against the silk bra, as I squeezed my breasts to 
confirm their existence. Something deep within me 
awoke. My emotions and body are female now. I may 
have a she-male's mixed body, but I feel very feminine. 
My feminine side had surfaced while my masculine 
side had disappeared. As I stared at the image 
reflected from the glass coffee table, I softly whispered 
to myself. "Yes, not only do I look like a woman but I 
feel like a woman now. I'll be in this body for the rest 
of my life. I have to re-start my life, but from a female 
perspective. Richard is gone and I can't take Amanda's 
life from her."

Now that I had determined the major objectives, I had 
to define the tasks to reach those objectives.

The main task was to start thinking, looking and 
acting as a woman. 

The next task was to stop pretending to be Amanda. 
She has her own life and should be the only person 
living that life. I had to quit letting her friends think 
that I was her. I could have just messed her life up 
with Nick. So whoever I'm now, I've got to be me and 
not Amanda. People that I meet must be able to know 
that it's me instead of Amanda. My appearance had to 
be modified so that people could tell us apart.

To accomplish both tasks, I'll need a new name. I 
considered Donna, Marie, Ann, Betty, Brenda, Lisa, 
Carolyn and then decided on Renee. Mainly because it 
was close to Richard, in case I ever screwed up when 
introducing myself. I also considered Rickie, but it had 
too mannish a sound. If I'm going to be female, I'll have 
an appropriate feminine name.

I looked at my reflection again. If I'm going to be a 
female, then I've got to change the way I look. Just as I 
couldn't walk around in my old clothes in this body, I 
can't continue with my hair looking like this. My hair 
change will be a good start.

I wrote a note to Cathy in my normal handwriting. The 
note said:

   Cathy,

   I've got to go out of town for several days. Please
   take care of the house until I get back. Also,
   your cousin, Renee, is going to stay with us for
   awhile. You haven't seen her since you were
   about three years old. She's been living out-of-
   state and wants to meet her only relatives. Be
   nice to her.

   Love you very much

   Dad

I called the Brass Rail, grimacing when Nick answered. 
When I heard his voice, I responded "It's me. I didn't 
feel like talking to anyone. I just wanted to get out of 
there without your customer seeing me. You remember 
that other ID you were talking about?" I asked.

"Sure, are you going to come over to my place 
tonight?" I could almost hear him smile as he asked.

"No, I can't. Please don't ask me why. I need a driver's 
license with my picture and description on it showing 
that I'm barely over twenty-one years old. Can you get 
me one quickly?" I asked.

There was a pause before he sighed "It'll be more 
expensive this time. At least two thousand."

I had to have it. You can't do anything without a 
driver's license to show as a photo ID. I accepted "Get 
it, but I need the name Renee Palance in addition to 
the birthdate showing me to be barely over 21. Also 
put this home address on it."

He responded quietly "Go to Robertson Photo Studio 
and tell Al that I sent you. It should be ready in 
tomorrow. Have the money then."

I drove to a bank to get some cash from the ATM 
machine. Then I found a beauty shop. The beautician 
frowned when she saw my haircut. I informed her "I 
cut my hair for a college play role. I want a different 
hairstyle and color. What do you recommend?"

She walked around me as she looked at the lengths 
before she proclaimed "We can either make it very 
butch, with an feminine cut, or we can do something 
more traditional. You have some strong male pattern 
baldness areas here in the front and in your crown 
area. You need a cut to shape it up, then some curls to 
hide those areas."

"Go for it." I directed.

Two hours later, I walked out carrying Amanda's 
baseball cap. The beautician had shaped up my 
hairstyle, colored my hair, and permed my hair which 
gave it extra height to hide my bald areas. She had 
also shown me how to brush and fix my new hairstyle. 
I was now a curly blond with a hairstyle that hid my 
bald spots. I liked the way I looked now. I also had the 
manicurist give me a manicure and paint my nails.

Then I went to the Photo store to have my picture 
taken for the phony driver's license. 

Then I drove to the mall to shop for some jeans. Either 
Amanda wears her jeans too tight or they are too small 
for me. As normal for most men, I always hated clothes 
shopping, but I was looking forward to buying some 
new clothes. I couldn't walk around in Amanda's 
clothes and still maintain a separate identity.

I walked into a women's clothing store and was greeted 
by a saleswoman. I told her what I was looking for. 
After a quick measurement, she handed me a pair of 
jeans suggesting, "Try these on in the dressing room." 

After changing, I looked at my reflection in the 
dressing room mirror. I was very satisfied with the way 
that my ass looked in those slightly larger jeans, so I 
left them on. 

As I looked at other clothes, I wasn't sure if should buy 
flashy or conservative clothes for Renee's initial 
wardrobe. I examined hanger after hanger of dresses, 
until I found a black silk wrap dress with a very low 
neckline that looked appealing. I carried the dress 
back into a dressing room and tried it on. I was very 
pleased with the way it looked on me in the mirror. 
Now that I had a party dress, I selected a woman's 
suit, some blouses, and a couple of skirts.

I spent 2 hours in a lingerie shop before I realized it. I 
was surrounded by so many choices and sizes, that I 
was overwhelmed. I finally settled on three bras and 
some panties, selecting the most expensive and 
elaborate undergarments that I looked at.

I bought some more clothes and some shoes before 
going to a make-up counter. I bought some make-up 
that the counter girl recommended to me. I watched 
her as she made me up, trying to remember how much 
and in what order. 

Then I drove to a used clothing store to buy some more 
clothing items and a used suitcase. Although I could 
easily afford more new clothes, my plan required that I 
possess some clothes that appeared worn. I carried all 
of my purchases back to my car, where I packed my 
new clothes into the suitcase.

When I arrived home after my shopping trip, Cathy 
was already home from school. It was time to see if my 
charade will work.

I opened the front door, walking in as nonchalant as 
possible, dragging my suitcase of used clothes. Cathy 
was lying on the couch reading. She looked up at the 
opening door, smiling when she saw me. I know that 
she thought that she was still looking at Amanda.

"Wow, I like your hair like that. You should have done 
that a long time ago." she proclaimed.

"Thanks. But I used to wear it like this when I was a 
kid. It's time to explain some things to you. I know 
who you think you are looking at, but its the wrong 
assumption. I'm your cousin, Renee." I declared as I 
put my suitcase down.

"Bull shit, you think I don't know my own sister. What 
sort of a game are you playing?" she asked as she sat 
up.

"That was me in Amanda's room this morning. I came 
in during the night after you had gone to bed. Your 
father knew that I was coming, so he let in into the 
house. Then he let me stay in her room. Because the 
airport lost my luggage yesterday, I borrowed some of 
Amanda's clothes this morning. We are almost the 
same size. I was half asleep this morning and didn't 
want to get into a lengthy explanation with you about 
how much I look like Amanda. When I saw her 
pictures, I knew that people would confuse me with 
her, while I'm here, so I changed my appearance to 
help people tell us apart." I responded.

"Bull shit. Just because Dad believes everything that 
you say, don't expect me to do the same. I'm your 
sister. I covered up for you when you had the 
miscarriage. Remember? So what the hell is going on." 
she said.

I managed to keep from grimacing as I heard the 
miscarriage word. My god, what else was there that I 
don't know about my daughters. I handed her the 
phone as I commanded "Call her. If she is there on the 
phone and I'm here, then my story must be true."

She grinned as she replied "I know what's going on. 
You bet someone that you could get me to fall for this 
bullshit. Well, let's see what's on the other end of the 
line."

She dialed the number and when the other end 
answered, she looked puzzled for a second before she 
asked "Amanda? This is Cathy." Then she looked at me 
as she asked the person on the other end of the phone 
connection "What's the combination to your old school 
locker."

Her face turned white as Amanda gave her the 
combination. Then Cathy muttered quietly "Never 
mind, I'll call you back later to explain."

She hung up the phone and walked slowly around me 
before she said "The resemblance is truly remarkable. I 
didn't know you existed. Why haven't we met before?"

"My parents work for the government and have official 
reasons that they must have a very personal life. I was 
just as surprised to find out about you and my other 
family. So I came to visit and to get to know some of 
my unknown family."

******

For the next hour, we chatted about our lives as she 
tried to find out why her parents had never told her 
about her cousin Renee. I responded to her many 
questions by making up facts about Renee's life story, 
trying to remember what I answered so that I didn't 
trip myself up later.

She finally became convinced that I really wasn't her 
sister and was one of her relatives. I answered enough 
questions about other relatives so that she had to 
believe me.

She showed me around the house because "Dad" 
didn't do it before he left. She thought it was better if I 
stayed in the guest room instead of Amanda's room 
because Amanda was coming home in a couple of 
weeks. While I unpacked, she took a shower so that 
she could get ready for her date.

"Renee, come here, please." Cathy shouted from her 
room.

I entered her bedroom to find her lying on her bed with 
just a towel wrapped around her as she flipped 
through a photograph album. As she sat up, the towel 
displayed her thighs and her tuff of dark trimmed hair 
between her legs, causing me a moment of distraction 
as I tried to keep from staring at her. She said "Look, 
here are the latest pictures of Amanda. Except for the 
hair, you're her twin."

I sat on the edge of the bed as Cathy held the album 
for me to look at the photographs of the Palance 
family. I looked at the picture which was one that I 
had seen many times before; but pretended it was my 
first time. As Cathy flipped through the album, my 
attention kept changing from the photographs to 
Cathy's partially exposed breasts. The loosely wrapped 
towel was exposing her breasts almost to the nipples.

Then Cathy declared "When Amanda comes home, I 
want you both to get naked so I can compare your 
naked body with her naked body."

"What if she doesn't want to do that?" I asked as my 
heart seemed to stop.

"Amanda is very open minded. But you're right. My 
curiosity sometimes gets me into trouble. I don't want 
to do anything to upset you. Look at the time. I've got 
to get ready for my date."

She stood up, letting the towel drop to the floor. I 
watched her naked firm teenage butt jiggle as she 
walked across the floor. She opened one of her 
drawers, removed a panty, and slipped it on. As she 
put them on, she turned so that I was staring directly 
at her exposed breasts with their tiny bullet-like 
nipples. She opened a talcum container and lightly 
slapped her breasts with the talcum pad. I had to 
concentrate on keeping myself from staring as I 
watched her caress and spread the talcum on her 
chest and boobs. I kept reminding myself that she was 
my daughter. Then she selected a bra which she put 
on as she walked into her bathroom. I was getting 
turned on by looking at her naked body. 

From my position on the bed, I could see her stand in 
front of the bathroom mirror because she didn't shut 
the bathroom door. It was the first time that I had ever 
seen her without any trace of modesty. Maybe, it was 
because she accepted me now as a female peer instead 
of her father.

She said. "Do you think that I need to lose some 
weight?" She turned as she raised her arms to put on 
deodorant. I found myself staring at her bra and 
panties.

She's no longer a child. My little girl is now and forever 
a woman, I thought, as I found myself staring at her 
almost filled-out bra. Feeling Cathy's eyes on me, I 
flushed and looked away. What am I thinking about, I 
wondered as I replied "No, you look great."

I put the book down and walked back to the guest 
room, feeling very light headed. After a couple of 
minutes, Cathy stuck her head in the doorway as she 
informed me. "Gotta go. Because Dad's out of town, I'll 
stay out a little longer tonight than normal. Or I just 
might bring Jeff back here for a quickie. My bed is 
more comfortable than his backseat. Naw, that's not a 
good idea. Whenever he comes over here, I can't get 
him to leave. See you in the morning."

I practiced putting on my make-up and trying on 
different combinations of clothes for the next couple of 
hours. I didn't realize how much time had passed until 
I heard a noise in the house. Knowing that Cathy 
wasn't home yet, I had to investigate the unknown 
noise. I pulled on one of Amanda's robes and turned 
off my bedroom light. Then I gently opened the 
bedroom door, being careful to not make any noise.

I saw a dim light coming through Cathy's partially 
open door. I stood in the hallway and looked through 
the small slit created by the open door. Her bedroom 
size had a king size bed in the middle of it, and the 
wall length closet was covered with mirrors, which 
made the room look twice as large. I could see Cathy's 
dresser mirror and reflected in the mirror was the 
image of a naked Cathy sitting on some boy's body. I 
could see them clearly because the light in her 
bathroom was on. I knew that I should return to my 
room, but the reflected sight of her slowly humping her 
ass on his cock intrigued me. As I watched, I could 
hear her whimper get slightly louder as her passion 
became more intense.

As I watched their lovemaking, I saw the boy roll Cathy 
over so that he was now on top in the standard 
pushup position, rubbing his hairy chest against her 
tits. In the dim light, his ass looked very hard and 
muscular. I was still staring at his ass and could 
almost see his hard cock in that dark area between his 
legs. Then Cathy made a high pitched whimper as she 
wrapped her legs around his ass, picking herself up so 
that she was supported by her arms wrapped around 
his neck and her legs. I saw her body tightened and 
then heard her let out a loud, deep groan. The boy 
rammed himself deep into her and then she slowly 
eased back onto the bed. As she unwrapped her legs, 
he started his humping again. I had seen enough. 
Really too much. I quietly tiptoed back into my 
bedroom and closed the door. My cock was rock hard 
from watching them.

I lay in my guest bed, feeling like the room was 
spinning. All I could think of, was her naked body, her 
young perky breasts, her little hair covered mound, 
and what it would be like to make love to her. I found 
my hand sliding into my blouse and rubbing my own 
breasts as I thought about Cathy's body. About how 
she was sharing it with that boy. Whoever the hell he 
was. 

I thought about what it would be like to undress 
myself and to slip into bed with them as they made 
love. I thought about what it would be like to stick my 
cock into her while I sucked his cock. I had never 
participated in a menage a trois, although my wife and 
I had frequently joked about having someone join us. 

I could still smell the faint smell of the perfume that 
she was wearing when she stuck her head into the 
door earlier. It was one of my favorite perfumes. The 
frustration was feeding my adrenaline.

I unfastened my jeans, pushing my panties down to 
my ankles, letting my cock rise to its most natural 
upright position; then I removed my blouse and bra. I 
lied naked on the bed, thinking about Cathy's little 
honeypot between her creamy thighs. One of my 
former favorite bedroom activities was to eat my wife 
out as she lay on her back, humping her golden 
triangle to my tongue's flickering action. God, how I 
missed her and doing that to her.

I was exploring my new body, touching it with gentle 
fingertips. First across my chest and then cupping 
each breast with one hand, I began to stroke the upper 
sensitive skin with the other, moving closer with each 
caress to the areola and nipple. My hands roamed 
across my breasts, feeling the nipples and the small 
papilla around them. I massaged myself, savoring the 
new stimulation of my sensitive, erect nipples. They 
weren't hard. Instead they had taken on a softness and 
sensitivity I hadn't experienced before. I grasped the 
nipples between my fingers, gently pulling and 
twisting. A breath of cool air blew across my naked 
body as my hand move down my abdomen, across my 
narrow waist, until it found something very familiar.

While one hand was rubbing and squeezing my new 
female breasts, the other hand was stroking my very 
erect cock. As I masturbated myself, I dreamed that it 
was my wife's lips around my cock. As my stroking 
became faster, my daydream partner alternated 
between Cathy and my wife. 

My daydream seemed so real. I could almost taste her 
delicious cunt as I thought about her luscious body. In 
my dream, I could see that golden altar between her 
legs. That precious temple of perfection. That altar of 
delight which brought me such tremendous 
satisfaction. As I masturbated myself, I knew that it 
was the most pleasurable masturbation that I had ever 
experienced.

Then I thought about the boy's hard ass and my day 
dream changed to include his hard young body. While 
I hadn't seen his cock, I imagined it to be the same size 
as Nick's. As I pretended that I was sucking on Cathy's 
pussy, I pretended that he was fucking me in the ass.

I could almost feel their hands explore and caress my 
very sensitive she-male body. I could almost feel the 
moisture from her lips and tongue as she teased me 
between my legs, bringing me to higher peaks of 
pleasure. I could almost feel his cock slide up and 
down into my ass.

Than I tensed as I felt that wonderful relief build up 
deep inside me and rush through my inner network of 
tubes. As I exploded, shooting the white milky cum 
pumping up onto my belly and breasts, I jacked harder 
as I opened my mouth trying to shoot some cum to my 
waiting lips. 

When my gasping breathing finally subsided, I was 
coated with cum. I found a thick gob just above my 
belly button, which I moved to my lips with my 
fingertips. Then I used my tongue to taste my warm, 
salty cum. I had tasted my cum before but it had 
always been mixed with my wife's juices. 

Chapter 6 - The medical exam

I drifted off to sleep wrapped in a sheet. When I woke 
up, it was dark outside, the guest bedroom smelled 
like a whorehouse and my body was still coated with 
dried cum. I changed the linens.

I started the shower. The water flowing across my skin 
was so relaxing. I picked up the woman's razor that 
was lying on the shampoo rack and looked at my legs. 
Well, if I'm going to look like a woman, I'm going to be 
shaving my legs instead of my face. I shaved carefully 
under my arms and my legs, and then I began to 
cautiously shave between my legs. Lathering, shaving, 
rinsing, and repeating this until the area between my 
legs was as smooth and bare as a baby's cheek. After I 
shaved my legs, I shaved under my armpits. 

As I stood under the shower stall, letting the warm 
water rinse my body clean, I started feeling funny 
again. But it was a different type of funny. Instead of 
being aroused and feeling the euphoria from my 
masturbation, I felt so alone, so vulnerable, so sad, so 
little, so hurt, so alone. I experienced any emotion that 
can be associated with misery as I lay there. I found 
myself curling up into a little ball as I sunk to the floor 
of the shower stall. I lay on the bottom of the shower 
crying as the water beat down on me.

******

I was sitting almost naked on a female examination 
table in Doctor Johnson's office. It was one of those 
tables with the gynecological exams stirrups. I wore 
one of those flimsily paper robes that covered the front 
but exposed the back.

Doctor Johnson entered the room, followed closely by 
his nurse. He picked up a chart, with Amanda 
Palance's name on it as he commanded "Ok, young 
lady. Let's start with a pap smear. Please take your 
robe off."

I removed the robe. As Doctor Johnson turned around 
to examine me, I heard his nurse gasp as she saw the 
cock between my legs. I watched Doctor Johnson eyes 
as he saw the same thing. For about ten seconds he 
said nothing as he looked at me from head to toe, with 
a lot of time spent staring at my middle. Then he asked 
"Ok, so you aren't Amanda. Who are you?"

******

I told him what happened to Richard Palance. After ten 
minutes of intense questioning, he believed me. After 
swearing his nurse to a vow of silence, he canceled the 
rest of his normal appointments to rush me to the 
hospital; where he put me through a complete series of 
medical examinations, including a mammogram.

About four hours later, we were sitting in a spare 
hospital doctor's office as he reviewed the first test 
reports. Then he noted "It will be about ten days before 
we get all of the test results back, even though I've 
done everything possible to expedite them. Looking at 
the preliminary test results, you appear to be a normal 
teenage girl, except for your penis. It's obvious that 
you don't have a vagina, but part of my tests were to 
see if there was an internal uterus or fallopian tubes. 
In that respect, you're a male. Looking at your 
hormone levels, I see an extremely high amount of 
female hormones coursing through your body now. 
That is why you're feeling and acting funny. The 
hormones are causing you to experience the complete 
gauntlet of emotions that can be invoked by hormones. 
That explains why you feel so aroused sexually at 
times and why you can't do nothing but cry. Think of it 
this way. You still have your male brain, but it's now 
being stormed with female hormones. You would go 
through a similar trauma if you never had any caffeine 
in your life then drank twenty cups of coffee. As your 
body becomes more used to the hormones, you will 
learn to adapt to the mood fluctuations."

"So my internal body is female, except for the penis 
and one testicle."

"I didn't say that. I reported that you had the 
appearance of a girl. From your description of your 
masturbation experience last night, you have a fully 
functioning penis that is capable of intercourse."

"What can I do?"

"We can try to surgically correct your body so that 
you're clearly one sex or the other. We can do an 
Orchidectomy or castration, which will reduce some of 
the male hormone levels. Then we can do a genital sex 
reassignment surgery, which would turn you into an 
almost fully functioning female except that you can 
never bear children. Or we can take another option, 
which is to turn you into a male. We would do a 
Mastectomy to remove the breasts, then rely upon 
hormone treatments to give you some masculine 
features, such as beard growth, potential male pattern 
baldness, and rougher skin. At your age, there 
wouldn't be much potential of getting extra bulk, so 
you may spend the rest of your life looking like a 
small, slender feminine man. Either way, you will 
probably have to take the appropriate supplemental 
hormones for the rest of your life. Going from a 
middle-aged male's body to a teen-aged female's body 
is enough to make you lose all sense of yourself, much 
less when you add in the affects of the female 
hormones to your ego. Or we can leave you alone. With 
today's surgical options, there are a lot of people who 
have chosen to have similar bodies. The choice is going 
to be your decision, because you're the one that will 
have to live with your decision. Whatever you decide, 
we won't do anything that involves non-reversible 
surgery until we are sure that you have had ample 
time to consider the ramification of your decision."

"That's not much of a help."

"Sorry, but you must remember that you're probably 
the most unique person in the world right now. For all 
practical purposes, you don't exist. Your fingerprints 
don't match either Amanda or Richard's prints. It will 
be several days before we get the results of the DNA 
test back but I'm willing to bet that it's a mixture just 
as your fingerprints are. You don't have a computer 
record as to your birth, your schooling or your legal 
position. Your lawyer is going to get rich claiming your 
legal rights from your old identity for your new 
identity. Because you're so unique on how you were 
transformed, there are too many unknowns for the 
medical profession to make any decisions. Will your 
body continue to change so that you become more 
female or start reverting back to it's male roots? Does 
your body have forty-seven years accumulation of 
aging or nineteen years? Will you start aging so that 
you quickly catch up your true age? There are too 
many unanswered questions. We can help you with 
some of the minor problems, such as trying to 
maintain a hormone balance so that you don't blow a 
gasket as the hormones rage through your body. The 
most sensitive area, is when do we bring in outside 
help? As long as I'm the only one treating you, you can 
be assured of my silence. But if it's necessary to bring 
in a publicity seeking specialist, then you stand a good 
chance of getting your picture on the front page of 
every paper in the world. What do you want to do?"

"Why don't you watch me for the next ninety days. 
Then we can make a decision."

"Good. For the next ninety days, you visit me every 
work-day morning. Some days, I'll only need a urine 
sample or blood work, but most days, I'll have to take 
different samples. I want to watch you for at least two 
weeks before I prescribe anything. So for the next 
couple of weeks, you have to wing it. Can you handle 
letting your hormones control your body and your 
emotions?"

"I'll have to."

"My last question is, when are you going to tell your 
daughters who you really are?"

"Not yet. I don't want them to worry about me. As long 
as they think that I'm Renee and that their father is 
taking a traveling vacation, they will relax. So I'll be 
Renee to them until it gets where they are wondering 
where their father really is."

******

It was almost dark as I pulled into the driveway. My 
medical tests had taken all day. As I entered the 
house, I saw that Cathy was wearing an ankle length 
print slipdress over a white finely ribbed baby tee 
shirt. She looked like she was going on a date. She put 
in "I was getting worried that you were lost. Or out 
with that nerd, Tommy. He has called twice to talk 
with you. Or to Amanda. I didn't tell him about the 
difference between you and Amanda. But enough 
about that asshole, I've got a surprise for you. I talked 
to my boyfriend last night. Told him all about you. 
Especially how much you look like my older sister. He 
called his older brother so we are all going out tonight. 
We have to get dressed because they'll be here soon to 
pick us up."

"I can't go out. Not tonight. Its been an extremely long 
day and I'm still trying to recover from my jet lag."

"Look Renee, you've got to come with us to help me. If 
you don't, all of us will stay here tonight. And I almost 
didn't get Jeff to get dressed to go home this morning. I 
don't want him getting too used to sleeping here."

Something rang a warning bell in my subconscious. 
Here was Cathy talking about letting her boyfriend 
sleep with her and I wasn't getting outraged over that 
boy violating my daughter. In my own house, at that. 
For some reason, that seemed like a normal event. I 
paused for a second, collecting my thoughts, then 
asked "Cathy, I don't want to butt into your business, 
but aren't you too young to be having sex?"

She didn't hesitate as she responded "Up until about a 
hundred years ago, it was normal for girls younger 
than me to be already married; and to have a child or 
two. Then someone decided that it wasn't normal for 
any person to have sex unless they were legally an 
adult. I can't have legal sex the day before my legal 
birthday, but can have sex the next day. How much 
can I mature in that one day? I remember Daddy used 
to tell me about being drafted at age eighteen, then 
going to Vietnam to kill people. Not quite yet twenty-
one, he was allowed to drink beer in the military but 
when he returned to civilian status, he couldn't buy 
beer. No, I recognize that the laws are supposed to 
have a good intent, but they restrict my personal 
rights to be able to have a choice over my own life. 
Those laws were forced on me by someone that never 
met me or bothered to find out if I've got enough 
common sense to watch out for myself. That person 
probably hadn't engaged in sex with his wife in the last 
three years, but had sex with someone else's wife every 
month. And a congressman wants to guide my morals. 
I could go to court and get my declared an adult, 
which a lot of kids have done, so that they could work 
at jobs which require adult hours. Don't make me 
laugh. I enjoy sex. I felt frustrated constantly until I 
found out that sex can relieve that frustration. I watch 
who I indulge in sex with, when I participate in sex, 
and make damn sure that I've got adequate protection. 
Funny, but they teach us how to protect ourselves in 
the ninth grade, but we can't legally have sex until 
several years after we get out of high school, unless we 
get married."

"I see. What if your parents don't want you to have 
sex. They know you and your maturity level."

"My father is a very understanding man. He wouldn't 
like it, but he would understand. Look at the time, we 
have to get you ready." 

"I didn't bring any clothes for going out. All I've got are 
jeans and shorts."

"No problem. Amanda has a full closet that should fit 
you. Come on."

As a result of her constant cajoling, I was soon 
standing in the living room, wearing a short pleated, 
red tartan skirt, a black low-cut T-shirt with detailed 
trim, a weathered woman's denim jacket and knee 
high black boots. And a pair of panty hose. Thank god, 
that I had shaved my legs and underarms last night. 
She helped me put my make-up on because we were 
so far behind schedule. I was still trying to figure out 
how to get out of this mess when the door opened.

For a second, I was pissed because some boy had the 
nerve to walk into my house without knocking first. 
But as he and his brother walked in, something 
happened as I looked at the brother. I started feeling 
warm inside as a small wave of warm sensations 
gently floated through me. Jeff walked straight to 
Cathy and gave her a kiss. While they were kissing, 
the other boy said "Hi, don't let Jeff's lack of manners 
make a bad first impression on you. My name's 
Danny. When Jeff declared that you were Amanda's 
twin, I thought that he was only kidding. I was two 
years ahead of her in high school but I remember her 
quite well."

Jeff quit kissing Cathy but was holding her tight as he 
felt her slowly. He turned his head to look at me as he 
put in "You're one beautiful woman. Why don't the 
four of us get undressed and get better introduced?"

Cathy pulled away as she groaned "Cool it, big boy. Or 
I'll bite it off."

******

It was very awkward to be in the back seat with Danny 
as Cathy and Jeff drove us to a kid's nightclub. It was 
the only place where we could get in, because Danny 
was the only one with an ID showing that he was over 
twenty-one. I had already picked up my phony ID but I 
didn't have to use it. I felt different emotions as I sat in 
the back seat, talking to Danny, watching Cathy as 
she teased Jeff while he drove.

At the club, I was stunned when the loud music 
blasted away at my eardrums. The club was packed 
with kids, but Jeff managed to find a table. As we sat 
down, Cathy pulled Jeff out onto the dance floor.

Danny raised his voice so I could hear it above the 
noise as he asked "Wanta dance?"

"I haven't danced in years."

"Is that something your mother taught you to say?" he 
yelled above the din of the music.

Realizing my error, I corrected myself by responding 
"I've never been much of a dancer."

"Trust me." he requested as he lightly pulled me. There 
was a special warmth, a sort of vibrancy that passed 
through my fingers from his skin as he eased me out 
onto the floor. I looked at the other couples dancing. 
Even someone as naive as me could see that there 
wasn't too much body contact. Just a lot of body 
shaking as you move around the floor with your 
partner.

By the second song, I was feeling comfortable with 
myself from the way that I caught the music's rhythm. 
It felt good to dance. The movement, the rush, the 
occasional touch by my dance partner, felt so right. 
When they played a slow song, I started to leave the 
floor, but Danny gently spun me into his body. For a 
moment, we stared into each other's eyes waiting for 
the correct beat before we started dancing. I could feel 
him guide me as we danced around the floor. I could 
feel his hard, firm body pressed tightly against my 
body. I could smell his warm, sweet smell as we 
rubbed against each other. I noticed his eyes taking in 
every inch of my exposed skin. By the time the song 
was over, I was ready to go to bed with him. Or with 
anyone. I knew now that my hormones were causing 
all of these strange emotions and loss of logic. I 
remembered when I was a man, how my little head 
would start thinking for my big head. That's the same 
thing that was happening to me now, but the little 
head was confused as it sent different signals to my 
brain.

Danny led me back to the table where Cathy was 
sitting on Jeff's lap as he rubbed his chin against her 
tee-shirt covered breast. As we sat down, a girl walked 
by "Hi, Amanda."

I turned to smile at her. I didn't want to get into any 
explanation with her at this point. Danny noted "You 
do look exactly like Amanda. Which is one reason that 
I was so eager to let Jeff talk me into this tonight. I 
remembered how attractive Amanda was in high 
school."

"So how do I look?" I cooed.

"As far as I'm concerned, you clearly are the most 
attractive woman in here."

******

Jeff wanted to leave to go to the house so that he could 
fuck Cathy. It was easy to tell that Cathy was getting 
turned on also. Danny was non-committal but I knew 
that I attracted him. My problem was that I couldn't 
place myself in a situation where I might lose control 
or wind up in bed with him.

As time passed, they became more insistent that we 
leave. Finally, I knew that I was going to have to 
concede to their request.

As soon as we got in the car, Cathy attacked Jeff with 
a passion that I never expected from her. She got on 
her knees, pulled her skirt up and sat on his lap facing 
him, in the car's front seat as she dry humped him. 
Jeff groaned "Oh yeah, baby. You know how to make 
me hard. Lift your shirt so I can see your tits. I love to 
fuck you. You make me so hot. My tongue can't wait to 
lick those tits of yours. Show them to me."

I watched them for a minute before Danny blocked my 
view as he kissed me. It was a soft and gentle kiss, but 
it lasted several minute, becoming more passionate as 
I responded to his gentle tongue probing. We broke for 
air. He whispered "You're more beautiful than Amanda 
could ever be."

Then he kissed me with a very deep passion. I was 
feeling the same emotion and felt his hands ease 
under my tee-shirt. I know that I tensed because he 
withdrew his hand.

But we continued kissing. As his tongue probed deep 
within my mouth, he was running his hand up and 
down my legs from my boot tops to a stopping point 
several inches above my knees. I had to concentrate to 
keep from spreading my legs because I wanted him as 
much as he wanted me. As he ran his hand over my 
thighs, feeling the silky stockings, my leg muscles 
tightened under his gentle touch. He licked my ear, as 
he stroked my thighs and lower legs. I licked his neck, 
loving his slightly sweaty masculine taste.

This time, I didn't resist when his hand again slipped 
under my tee-shirt. I pulled his shirt out of his 
trousers and was running my fingers freely up and 
down his hairy, muscular chest. His kinky chest hair 
tickled my exposed skin even as his chest pressed 
tightly against my body. When his hand cupped my 
breast through my bra, I tensed but didn't resist. I 
didn't resist thirty seconds later when he unsnapped 
my bra, allowing his hands to freely cup my breasts. I 
was gasping for breath as he slipped down in the seat 
so that his face was rubbing against my belly. I held 
his head as his tongue probed my belly button, then I 
guided him up so that his face was between my 
breasts under my tee-shirt.

I felt nothing but raw lust for the handsome man 
sucking on my breasts. I could hear the distant heavy 
breathing from the front seat where Jeff and Cathy 
were probing each other's still clothed body.

"What's going on in here?" shouted someone as they 
tapped on the carglass. I looked up to see someone 
standing outside the care with a bright flashlight 
shinning on Cathy.

Jeff rolled down the window then muttered "Hi, Officer 
Jacobs. Thought you were off duty tonight."

"Look kid, I don't want any parents riding my ass 
because of your overactive hormones. Get out of my 
area."

The cop turned and walked back to his squad car as 
Cathy scooted off of Jeff's lap. I used that moment to 
regain control. "Take me home, please. Look, Danny, I 
like you, but I can't let this go any further now. I've 
some very strong personal reasons why I can't have 
sex with you. Believe me, I would if I could."

Chapter 7 - Behind locked doors

I knew that Jeff was going to spend the night in 
Cathy's room. I couldn't take a chance of him trying to 
slip into bed with me as I slept so I locked the bedroom 
door. I wasn't worried about Danny coming back 
because I could tell that he was a gentleman. Danny 
wasn't happy because I wouldn't go any further, but 
he hid his displeasure.

I undressed then lay in the bed thinking about him 
and the way I felt about him. About what it would be 
like to let him make love to me. In the dark, I slipped 
out of the bed, found my pantyhose and put them 
back on. At least as far up my thighs so that I could 
play with my erection. I masturbated myself, while I 
rubbed my legs through the pantyhose, pretending it 
was Danny's hands doing it to me.

******

Doctor Johnson took some more blood samples. He 
had nothing new to report.

For this examination, I didn't have to get undressed. I 
was wearing sunglasses, a bright yellow low-cut 
spandex tankdress, pantyhose, sandals, and had some 
of Amanda's jewelry on. He looked at me as he asked 
"From your outward appearance, you're adapting to 
your situation quite well. How are you doing inside?"

I spent the next ten minutes telling him about Danny, 
about almost submitting to him in the backseat of the 
car, and about masturbating myself to sleep again.

"Sooner or later, you won't be able to control yourself. 
You will wind up in bed either with him or someone 
else. What are you going to do, if they react negatively 
to your penis?"

"I guess that I'll have to cross that bridge when I come 
to it. Do you know why I'm adapting so easily to my 
new sex."

He leaned over, sniffed my neck and noted "I like the 
smell of your perfume. That may be part of why you're 
adapting so easy. Its hard to be a man when you smell 
like a woman."

"Sorry, it was on the dresser and I also liked the smell. 
Part of my experimentation to see what I like."

"Would you believe that at some point in your life, you 
were a female?"

"I don't understand."

"For the first thirty-five to forty days after conception, 
all mammal embryos start forming the basic female 
structures - uterus, fallopian tubes and vagina. All 
embryos begins as a female with the basic female 
structures, until it looks like a recognizable mammal, 
with toes, fingers and eyes and a heart. Then 
depending upon the chromosome of the sperm that 
fertilized the egg, the sexual development continues. 
For male embryos, two genes switched on to start the 
embryo on its way toward manhood and dissolves the 
female parts of the original embryo. It's a combination 
of the genes and chromosomes that define whether 
you enter life as a male or female."

"You still haven't answered my question."

"That's because I don't know. The method that allowed 
you to become younger, change sex and become an 
almost duplicate of your daughter is unknown to 
medical science. If we could duplicate with other 
people, what happened to you, then I would retire a 
very rich man. Just as your body modified itself to 
become a clone of your daughter, you mind may have 
modified itself in some unknown way. You did notice 
some personality changes. I've also noticed some 
personality changes as you become more comfortable 
with yourself."

"So my personality could be a clone of her personality 
also."

"Or a mixture of her personality, your personality, and 
your new personality that is reacting from all the 
changes in your life."

******

I returned home, to find Jeff's car and Cathy's car 
parked in the driveway. As I got out of my car, Danny 
gave a low wolf whistle from one of the open living 
room windows on the front porch. I smiled at his face 
peeking through the window as I walked up the steps. 
I didn't need him to be here today.

Before Danny could say anything, Cathy opened the 
front door. She was wearing only a hot pink string 
bikini bathing suit and sandals. She declared "Water 
problems at school today so they sent all students 
home. I called Jeff and to see if they wanted to go for a 
boat ride. Hurry up. Get changed into a bathing suit."

"I don't have one. I can't go with you. Sorry."

"Taa-daa. Here are some of Amanda's bathing suits." 
she responded holding up a couple of bikinis. I looked 
at them, knowing that I could wear either of the tops, 
but there was no way that I could wear any of those 
skinny bottoms, without exposing my penis.

"Please go. The only reason that I'm going, is because I 
want you to go with us. If you aren't going, then I won't 
go." requested Danny. I wanted to look at his face, but 
I was drawn to his flat, muscular chest, that was 
lightly coated with chest hair.

Ten minutes later, I was standing in Amanda's 
bathroom, quickly trimming my pubic hair so that it 
wouldn't hang out of the bathing suit. Cathy 
volunteered to help, but I declined her assistance. 

Because of her insistent pleading, I forced myself to 
look in Amanda's clothes until we found a bathing suit 
that I could really wear. It was a bikini, but the bottom 
had a swim skirt on it. After I trimmed myself, I put on 
the string bikini top, then the spandex bottom with its 
swim skirt and looked at myself in the mirror. With my 
penis and testicle tightly tucked up between my legs, I 
did look like a woman. As long as I watched how I sat, 
I could pull this off. I grabbed a couple of towels, 
planning on keeping one handy to hide behind as 
needed. I put on a stonewashed denim empire dress to 
cover my body as we traveled. As I came downstairs, 
Cathy popped a wide-brimmed beachhat on my head. 
She was wearing a blue button-down tankdress to 
cover her bathing suit.

Jeff had some beer in the car. I sipped a beer as we 
rode out to the lake, feeling the beer's effect on my 
body. Or was something else affecting me. It might 
have been sitting in the back seat of the car with 
Danny's almost naked body; that was only partially 
covered by a tight speedo bathing suit. Seeing his 
muscular thighs, his lightly coated hairy chest, his 
firm chest muscles, and his washboard belly, was 
enough to create a little sexual frustration in me.

By the time we got to the lake, I was feeling horny. 
Very horny. Danny didn't help any as he rubbed lotion 
on my neck while he whispered sweet bull shit into my 
ear. My breasts felt sensitive as they strained against 
the tight bikini top.

I was glad to get out of the car, to stretch my legs as I 
tried to restore my composure. Danny and Jeff carried 
the cooler down the path to the cabin. The boat was 
tied up at the dock, so we put the cooler in it, climbed 
aboard and cruised down the lake. Jeff found a quiet 
cove, with a little swimming beach. Danny helped Jeff 
carry the cooler up to the grassy spot. While Danny 
and I were spreading out the blanket, Jeff walked back 
to the boat, where Cathy had stripped down to her 
bikini as she applied suntan lotion to her body.

I turned my head quickly when I heard the boat motor 
start again. Jeff had pushed the boat out. With a wave 
of his hand, he shoved the boat into gear, so that he 
was leaving us stranded. I watched as they raced out 
of sight as they went around the cove's point. Danny 
apologized "I didn't know he was going to do this. I 
promise to be a good boy. To behave myself. You know 
the typical boy scout promises."

"I shouldn't have come." I muttered quietly, before I 
realized how it must've sounded to Danny.

"Sorry. If you like, I'll walk down to the point where I 
can wait for them to come back. They won't go far. He 
is looking for a place where they can skinny-dip then 
fuck each other."

I smiled at him. Although he was young, he was quite 
mature for his age. "No, please stay with me. It isn't 
you. I just don't want to get into a relationship with 
anyone at this time."

"Fine with me. I just got out of college, and have to 
worry about getting my career going. Let's go 
swimming."

I removed the dress. As I dropped it to the ground, I 
could feel him stare at me. But only for a moment, 
before he grabbed and carried me to the water. I lightly 
fought him all the way, even when we went under 
water. As soon as he dunked me, he turned me loose. I 
put my foot against his chest and pushed off, 
underwater.

I came up about thirty feet away. He took a deep 
breath as he slipped back underwater, headed for me. 
I swam away, knowing that his more powerful strokes 
would quickly catch me. I was right. A strong wrist 
grabbed my foot and jerked me underwater. It wasn't 
deep; he could stand but it was over my head. For the 
next ten seconds, we had a free-for-all no-holds barred 
underwater fight. When we both surfaced, we were 
laughing. But only briefly, as he ducked underwater, 
swimming between my open legs, then he wrapped his 
massive thighs around my legs as he pulled me under. 
I fought him as we grappled underwater, knowing that 
I wasn't hurting him. When we surfaced this time, he 
had a funny smile on his face. Then he ducked 
underwater again as he rammed his head between my 
legs. I locked my ankles so that I was squeezing his 
head as tight as I could for five seconds, before I 
released my hold. When he surfaced, he grabbed me, 
pulling me tight against his body as he kissed me. I 
melted into his body, putting my arms around his 
neck as I wrapped my legs around his waist.

For at least a minute, we kissed slowly, softly. My 
arms went around Danny, holding him tight as we 
kissed, tongues eagerly darting in and out of open 
mouths, running lightly across our parted lips. I felt 
Danny's hands on my back, as my own fingernails 
were digging into his flesh as I became more aroused. I 
don't believe this, I thought; I'm kissing a man. I was 
wrapped around his waist, supporting myself on his 
solid frame. Then he softly asked "Who are you?"

"Who do you want me to me?" was my husky response.

"My lover."

"I can't be. I told you that I've got personal reasons 
why I can't make love to you."

"Listen closely to me. When I went away to college, I 
was very naive. I still had my old high school jock 
mentality. I had to fuck a different college girl every 
night or there was something wrong with me. After I 
got away from my high school crowd, I began to realize 
that the women that I were chasing, weren't what I 
wanted. They were attractive, fun to be with, and often 
good lovers; but something was missing. To make a 
long college history story short, one night I picked up a 
woman when I was slightly drunk. We went back to 
her place to her couch where she gave me the best 
blow job that I ever had. She went into the bedroom to 
change into something more comfortable. I peaked 
through the door slit to watch her as she undressed."

"Typical voyeur. Is that what turns you on?" I 
whispered as we lightly spun in the water.

"I saw her pee from a standing up position. She had a 
penis tucked into her panties. I ran naked from her 
apartment, carrying my clothes as I ran. I dressed in 
the stairwell. I went back to my dorm and used every 
combination of mouthwash that I could."

I didn't say a word. I didn't like where this was going.

"I finally went to sleep. I dreamed about her or him or 
it all night. When I woke up, I had the hardest boner 
that I had ever had in my life. I tried to talk to a friend 
about what happened but got laughed at. Then I shut 
up. But I couldn't get her out of my mind. I'd think 
about her at night when I was trying to sleep. After 
about two weeks, I somehow found the courage to 
knock on her door. She opened her door and just 
stared at me. I apologized and asked to come in. She 
let me come in. I told her that I was sorry that I had 
ran out. She asked me why I came back. I told her that 
I didn't know. Only that I felt drawn to her. She smiled 
at me as she lit a cigarette. She sat back down on the 
couch where she had given me the blowjob. She 
crossed her leg, exposing the finest set of legs that I 
had ever seen. She asked me if I was attracted to her. I 
affirmed that I wanted her. When I declared that, she 
put the cigarette out, dropped to her knees so that her 
face was level with my zipper. She whispered `Bring 
the big boy to mamma.'. I felt myself step forward. As 
she unzipped my trousers, I could feel the hardest 
erection that I had ever experienced. She dropped my 
trousers around my ankles. As she wrapped her warm 
lips around my cock, she dug her fingernails into my 
butt so hard that I thought she was cutting me. After 
she sucked me off, she got back on the couch, lit 
another cigarette then asked me if I was going to run 
away again. I told her no. She stood up, helped me 
step out of my trousers and led me by the hand back 
into her bedroom. She finished undressing me and 
ordered me to lie naked on her bed."

I was thinking about unclasping my legs so that I 
could get off of him. But he was still holding me tight 
so that I had to face him as he talked. He continued 
"She pulled her dress off so that I could see that she 
was only wearing panties and a bra. She turned off the 
bedroom light so the only light in the room was from 
the faint light down the hallway. She straddled my 
body, bending and kissing me as she brought me fully 
aroused again. She gently stroked my cock as she 
asked me `Why did you run?'. I told her `I saw you pee 
standing up. You have a cock.'. She smiled, licked my 
cock with her warm tongue. Then she asked me `Why 
did you come back?'. I responded truthfully when I 
told her `I want to make love to you.' She asked `I was 
going to go out tonight. I've cleaned my rectum in case 
I picked someone up. Do you want to fuck me?'. I 
nodded my head. She unsnapped her padded bra, 
revealing some small breasts. They didn't look like 
male or female breasts; but they definitely weren't 
male breasts. I discovered later that she wasn't too far 
into her hormone treatments. The nipples were pouty, 
but there wasn't too much there. Then she removed 
her panties, letting me see her cock as she put a big, 
cold hunk of Vaseline on my engorged cock. She 
straddled me so that I slid inside her rectum. We 
fucked two more times before she sent me home that 
night." 

"So why are you telling me this?" I asked.

"Marie was my lover for most of my college stay. Once 
a month, we would spend a weekend together. I 
quickly learned to provide her relief just as she 
provided me relief. After I came home, none of the girls 
around here really interested me sexually anymore. 
Jeff knew that I used to have an secret crush on 
Amanda in high school, so he pushed me to go out 
with you. I guess that I'm bi-sexual because I like my 
sex both ways now."

"How long have you known? About me, that is."

"Last night when I first met you, I knew that you 
weren't comfortable about something. You looked very 
natural, but your mannerisms weren't what I expected 
from a natural woman. You didn't sit like a woman, 
walk like a woman, or talk like a woman; although you 
tried to make small talk like a woman. Your 
mannerism's were more male than female. As the 
evening went on, I decided that you were real. But 
maybe your sexual orientation was butch and that you 
didn't have too much experience showing your 
feminine side and you were just trying to be kind to 
me. Later on, when we were playing in the car, I 
accidentally brushed against you and felt a definite 
erection. I didn't want you to know that I recognized it 
as a penis. I was trying to figure out how to brush 
against you again, when the cop showed up. Today, 
Cathy was letting Jeff suck on her titties as you 
changed clothes. I came upstairs to surprise you. I 
knocked lightly but you were running water in the 
sink. I opened the door and could see you shaving 
yourself. I saw enough to know that my assumption 
was correct last night."

"Do they know?"

"I didn't tell them. Especially Jeff. If he ever knew that 
. . . . , well, if he ever knew about some of the things 
that I learned to do, he would die. Big brothers have a 
image to live up to."

"What do you expect from me?"

"Now that know each other secrets, I want nothing but 
a chance to see if we can get along. You didn't say 
what your personal reasons were, but I wanted to let 
you know that I'm more understanding than you think 
I'm. To me, you're a woman. I'll treat you with the 
same respect as I treat any woman. I'll buy you 
flowers, hold the door open for you, and be proud to 
walk down any street holding your hand. I want to be 
your man and want you to be my woman."

Chapter 8 - Was it as good for you as ....

"Take me." I softly commanded.
 
There was clearly lust in his eyes but it was tempered 
with something I couldn't define. All I knew was that 
he was exciting me in a way that I had never 
experienced before. His body twitched as my skin 
rubbed against his skin. This only heightened this new 
and wonderful arousal coursing through me.

I was still wrapped around his waist, floating in the 
water. He had his hands around my lower back, 
supporting me. I slowly eased my arms from around 
his neck. I found the tie strings for my bikini top and 
pulled on it, letting my straps drop down. I reached 
behind me and found the snap. I watched as the bikini 
top floated away from my breasts, because of the slight 
padding in the cloth's top.

Danny softly whispered in a husky voice as he stared 
at my nipples "Your breasts look very real. I was 
admiring them last night before I accidentally rubbed 
against you. I was wondering what it would be like to 
bury my head between your soft flesh."

"My breasts are real." I whispered back, hearing the 
same husky sexy sound in my voice. "No surgeon gave 
me those breasts. Now are you going to do anything or 
just spend the rest of the day talking? Those two 
clowns will be back soon."

He attacked my breasts with his lips as he started 
walking out of the water, carrying me onto the shore. 
My breasts ached as his lips pressed hard against 
them. I knew what I wanted, at that moment, more 
than anything else; and I knew that my life had 
changed forever.

He buried his face in the cleft between my breasts and 
began to lick me. His hands slid up my side to cup my 
breasts as his tongue slid first up one slope to circle 
and flick the nipple, then down across the valley to the 
other peak. as he took my nipples hungrily into his 
mouth.

Lifting his mouth from my wet breasts, Danny looked 
up at my face, allowing me to see his dark eyes 
glowing with lust, before he dropped his head to my 
nipple again and sucked like a hungry baby. I groaned 
a light moan of pleasure as he wrapped his tongue 
around my rubbery nipple. With his tongue and lips, 
he was making my nipples stand erect. I could feel 
them jutting out with a red-hot heat radiating from my 
now sensitive nipples.

I was rubbing my boobs against his hairy chest as he 
carried me up on shore. He placed me down on the 
blanket so that I was lying on my back. Then he 
slipped out of his bathing suit, revealing his large, 
heavy engorged cock. His cock looked enormous. It 
was already oozing precum steadily.

I slipped out of my bikini bottom, letting my small 
penis escape from its tucked position. He kneeled as 
he whispered "Your breasts are so firm and beautiful. 
You have the most beautiful body that I've ever seen. 
Does Amanda have a penis also?"

"No, she is the real thing. Think of me as an almost 
clone."

He began caressing both of my breasts with both 
hands. He pinched both nipples hard, causing my 
nipples to tighten into knots. I moaned as I felt my 
cock beginning to stiffen. He ran his huge hands over 
my body, stroking my thighs, teasing my cock as he 
massaged my buttocks.

We found each others tongues as we probed deeply 
into each other's mouth. It surprised me that his lips 
were so soft and his hand so gentle on my flesh. I 
craved his touch and wanted him to explore all of my 
body.

The touch of his hands had caused me to lose control 
again. I was gently using my leg and back muscles to 
slightly hump myself as he played with me. When he 
leaned over and licked my cock, I groaned as I grabbed 
his hair, holding his head there. For about ten 
seconds, he sucked my cock into his mouth. Then he 
pulled loose as he commanded "Roll over. I want to 
take you doggie fashion." 

I rolled over, bent my knees and sat up so that I was in 
the classic bitch position. I felt something cold as he 
rubbed some lubricant on my little rosebud. When I 
felt his hand on my ass with his fingers lubricating my 
greased ass-hole, I started to panic. "It's ok. There will 
be just a little pain, then you will feel the most 
pleasurable sensation possible. Just relax."

I took a deep breath and braced myself. He whispered 
"No, you're still too tense to accept me. Let me relax 
you a little."

I knew it was a gentle shove, but it felt as if he 
rammed his index finger all the way in. It was as if a 
hot poker had been shoved up my ass. The shot of 
pain roared through me, causing me to gasp from the 
pain.

"I don't think I can do this. If your finger hurts this 
much, your cock will kill me." I cried.

"Relax. Is this your first time?"

"Yes." I groaned.

"I thought so. Just relax, take a deep breath and try to 
relax as I prepare you."

He didn't remove his finger completely, but pulled it 
almost all the way out, then slowly slid it in and out, 
spreading the lubricant. Although that caused some 
pain, the pain was very minor, compared to the first 
invasion.

His finger inside me was beginning to feel good and I 
had already almost forgotten about the pain. I pushed 
my ass back against his probing finger, and bowed 
deeper as I slightly arched my back. I was 
concentrating on pulling his finger deep inside me, 
when he suggested "Just relax. I promise to make sure 
that you enjoy this just as much as I do."

He spread my legs as he eased in behind me. I put my 
head down, raised my ass as high as I could for him, 
and spread my legs wide. With his knees he pushed 
my legs apart as he withdrew his finger from my ass. I 
jerked as he rubbed his large cock against my ass-
cheeks gently applying pressure and gradually opening 
them up. He stroked it up and down, then positioned 
it at the entrance to my ass. 

He began to rub the cockhead up and down my crack, 
from my swinging testicle, over my asshole, and back 
again. I felt him move his weight on top of me. He was 
rubbing the jelly up into my asshole with each stroke. 
My entire crack felt as if it was slick, soaking wet. He 
began to press it against my ass with a firm steady 
pressure. We held this position for a second or two but 
the pressure of his cock on my ass remained steady 
and relentless. I groaned loudly when he pressed his 
large and thick cock forward. 

He didn't completely penetrate me at first, thank god. 
But what he did, caused enough pain to make my eyes 
water. My spincter held for a few seconds, before it 
yielded to his gentle forcing, as he played with me. 
Before I could say anything, he pressed harder again, 
easing himself into my ass. The head slipped in 
suddenly, and I gasped from the intense pain. 

He groaned, "Hold on. If we give up now, all that pain 
was for nothing. Relax so I can push the rest in 
slowly."

Tears were streaming down my face. It was extreme 
pain, but I found myself pushing back on his cock, 
allowing his cock shaft to slowly inch its way in, 
stretching my rectum beyond imagination.

He paused as I jerked from my own movement, but he 
held onto me, keeping me from pulling away. When I 
quit my involuntary jerking, he began to move it a little 
deeper in my asshole, slowly, introducing a little more 
cock with each tiny stroke. He went slowly at first to 
give my muscles a chance to expand to accommodate 
his huge cock.

How do you describe pain that feels good?

Although it hurt, I wanted more. I was gasping for 
breath and sweat was dripping off my nose. I allowed 
his hands on my waist to gently rock me back and 
forth as he continued his forward thrust. I arched my 
back and groaned from the mixture of pain and 
pleasure.

He was fucking me and I was enjoying it. As I pushed 
back, I reached behind me with one hand to pull apart 
my ass-cheeks hoping to give him more access. I 
wanted him so badly. As he furiously pumped my ass, 
all I could do was bounce back and forth and try 
desperately to match his movements. 

He was leaned over me so that he could nibble on my 
neck as he reached around, finding my hard cock. As 
he thrust himself into me, he was using his hand to 
masturbate me.

The pain was tremendous, but somehow, it felt 
wonderful. And only lasted for a couple of seconds 
until it was replaced by one of the most pleasurable 
sensations that I had ever experienced. He was slowly 
stroking it deep inside me, causing my muscles to 
expand to accept his large cock. He was going in and 
out. In and out. With each stroke, he was going just a 
little faster and deeper into a very tight area.

Without warning, he jerked his cock out of me. I 
groaned and reached back for him. He bent over as he 
nuzzled my ear, whispering "You're so hot. I like that. I 
like for it to be very hot. I like it when it's virgin tight. I 
like to put my cock into a slippery, hot ass. Now that 
I've told you what I like, it's your turn. Tell me you 
want it. Tell me you have to have it. Tell me what you 
want me to do."

He was stroking his cock against my rosebud. I opened 
my mouth but found it difficult to talk. I groaned 
"GIIIIIVVVVVEEE IIIIITTTTTTT TOOOOO MEEEE!"

He slid into my ass slowly until all of his shaft was 
inside me. I moaned as my body started jerking again.

When the jerking stopped, he resumed his humping. 
He was also jacking me off with one hand, while 
holding onto me with the other hand. I gasped when I 
first felt his fingers toy with my pubic hair. Then as his 
hand wrapped around my very erect small cock, I 
moaned involuntarily, releasing a low, throaty sound 
of confusion and desire. He nibbled on the base of my 
neck as his fingers softly stroked me. As I felt another 
man's hand gently caressing my cock, my mind short-
circuited. My low moan changed into a sharp cry of 
pure delight as my body reacted to Danny's touch.

Suddenly I felt myself getting ready to come. I tensed 
up as that familiar wave collected in my body and 
roared down my tubes. As the cum spurted out, he 
kept stroking me, pumping me dry. I tried to collapse 
but he held me up, keeping me in position as he kept 
pounding his huge cock deep inside me. 

I knew that it was only a couple of minutes, but it 
seemed like hours that he fucked me. He never let my 
cock grow soft because he kept stroking it as he 
pounded repeatedly deep into me. I wanted him to 
cum. I wanted to feel him shake as he filled my ass 
with his cum.

My breath was becoming ragged as I matched his 
rhythm. My body was exhausted from the constant 
contorting and humping against his pounding cock; 
but I wouldn't quit for the world. The moans that were 
escaping from me aroused me and also frightened me 
because I couldn't control my own reaction.

He let go of my cock and grabbed my ass with both of 
his hands as he began driving his cock furiously into 
me. I knew that he was getting ready to cum, so I 
braced myself. My back was wet with our mixed sweat.

He was pounding me so hard and fast that I thought 
that he would rip something inside me. I was shocked 
back into reality when his groans became alarmingly 
loud and desperate. Then I felt him tense as his cum 
boiled up deep within his body. He rammed his cock 
as hard and deep as he could.

I pushed my ass up into the air and tried to tighten my 
spincter muscles even tighter around his cock. For a 
moment both of us weren't moving. Then I felt a small 
tremor flow through his cock shaft to his cock head. 
He was supporting himself above me, his legs spread 
wide with my slender legs wrapped around his. I heard 
him grunt as he threw his head back, his body arching 
as the first orgasm washed over him. I turned my head 
so that I could look at him through half-closed eyes, 
seeing the pleasure, the passion in his expression. He 
jerked as a jet of hot cum pumped into my rectum. For 
about ten seconds, he pumped jet after jet of hot cum 
deep into my ass as he resumed his fucking motions. 

At that moment I was experiencing one of the most 
exquisite feelings of release I had ever sensed in my 
life. Then he collapsed on my body, causing both of us 
to roll over on the blanket. We lay like that for several 
long seconds as I felt his cock shrivel up and slide out 
of my rectum. I lay there with my legs shaking and 
unable to support me. My ass-hole throbbed and 
seemed to pulse with the lingering pain.

******

I had been fucked. Fucked in the ass by a man. And I 
wanted to do it again.

I lay there in his arms, listening to his deep breathing 
as his body slowly returned to normal. I could feel the 
tingle of my skin as the light breeze cooled off my 
sweat-covered body. I could feel his cum oozing out of 
my ass. I lay on his chest and could hear the beating 
of his heart. I wanted to think over and over about the 
pleasurable experience we had just shared. He had 
given me a pleasure that couldn't be measured. I 
knew, that I had made love to him with as much 
passion as any sensuous woman would have done.

I felt so natural and comfortable. So satisfied. Deciding 
to let Danny make love to me wasn't a difficult 
decision, for some reason. 

I slowly pulled away from him and sat up. Or tried to 
sit up. My ass was very tender. I stood up, picked up 
my swimsuit bottom and started walking toward the 
water. With the first step, I discovered that I was so 
sore that I wouldn't be riding a bicycle soon.

I walked out into the water until I was neck deep and 
just relaxed, letting the water cleansed me after I put 
my bottom on. I watched him as he stood up and 
walked naked down to the water. He dived underwater 
and came up just in front of me.

"Remind me to give myself an enema first next time." I 
grumped in a teasing tone.

"Come here."

I put my arms around his neck, thinking about 
wrapping my legs around his waist again, but quickly 
discovered that I didn't want to do that because of my 
now very tender areas. He saw the pain on my face so 
he put his arms gently around me, holding me as I 
floated.

For several minutes, we floated around, just talking. 
Then we heard the boat come back into the cove. We 
watched it as it came around the point, stopping over 
where we left the towels. Cathy smiled when she saw 
that I was topless. Jeff had a big silly grin on his face. 
He yelled "You two got any beer left."

I replied "Yes, but you have to earn it first. My top is 
floating somewhere that way. You have the boat. Go 
find it."

Jeff laughed and re-started the boat. He cruised down 
the cove as I suggested to Danny "I need to clean up 
our mess before they see the brown stains."

Danny ducked me and started swimming. I headed to 
the beach, swimming until it was too shallow to swim 
any further. I stood up, then walked up on the beach 
to where we had made a mess of the beach towel. I 
folded it up, making sure to put the stained areas 
inside. 

The boat motor raced as Jeff found the top. He came 
speeding back up to the beach, waving my top as if it 
was a trophy. He jumped out of the boat, ran forward 
until he reached me. He dropped to his knees as he 
proclaimed "Your honorable knight has returned from 
his mission to find your holy cloth."

I pushed him over as I grabbed my top from his 
outstretched hands. He lay on the ground, staring at 
my boobs with a leer on his face as I put the top back 
on. Then Cathy started laughing and pointing at the 
water. I turned to see what she was laughing at. Then I 
started laughing also as I saw Danny walking out of 
the water. He was still nude, with his cock proudly 
hanging down between his legs as he walked.

Jeff laughed as he asked "Was it as good for you two 
as it was for me?"

I responded to his question by pouring a beer on him.

******

Danny slept with me in the guest bedroom that night. 
Jeff was also down the hall in Cathy's room. Somehow, 
it felt right to have those two men in the house.

By that, I meant that it didn't bother me that some boy 
was screwing my youngest daughter in her bedroom. 
Or that some man was jabbing his cock into my mouth 
and ass.

I had changed. Changed a lot. I was enjoying being a 
female. Or if you insist on using more appropriate 
terminology, I was enjoying being a she-male. I really 
didn't know what it was like to be a female because I 
didn't have a vagina. But except for that minor 
difference, I was a female.

I was also a young female. I felt that I had lost some of 
my maturity. And a lot of my stuffiness. As I looked at 
Cathy, I didn't see my daughter. I saw my friend. My 
partner in crime as we slipped our boyfriends into the 
house.

Speaking of boyfriends, Danny asked me to be his 
girlfriend. While he didn't come out and say it, he 
hinted that he'd move into an apartment if he could 
find the right room mate. I ignored him because I was 
going through another depressing mood fluctuation at 
that time. For some reason, I wanted to cry at that 
moment, so I was biting my tongue to hide my real 
emotions.

Chapter 9 - The fight

I had just finished my morning appointment with 
Doctor Johnson. I told him about Danny and sex with 
Danny. He listened to me without making any 
comments. He didn't say a word about how I was 
dressed, but as usual he made some notes about my 
appearance in his medical chart on me. Today, I was 
wearing white cut-off denim shorts, a chartreuse terry 
sweatshirt and tennis shoes. I was also braless for the 
first time in public.

After collecting today's samples, he announced "The 
preliminary lab results indicate that your body is mass 
producing female hormones. This coincides with your 
reported symptoms. You notice frequent symptoms of 
lethargic, depression, a weak feeling which is the 
signature of your mood swing, and strong 
uncontrollable sexual urges. I associate those 
symptoms with other symptoms that have been 
documented on transsexual patients that are on 
hormone therapy. You see, the effects of changing 
hormone dosage can cause similar mood disorders 
that women with PMS experience. Most Transsexuals 
report those symptoms when they first started 
hormones, or any time they forget a dose or 
impulsively change their dosage. Your tissues which 
are supported by male hormones should diminish and 
stop functioning as those tissues which are supported 
by female hormones continue to develop and begin 
functioning. So my diagnosis about the hormones was 
correct. However, I don't want to start you on any 
corrective hormones yet, until we are sure of your 
natural hormone balance."

"I don't remember being lethargic."

"That was noted. I don't understand why you haven't 
experienced it, but there are several things about you 
that I don't understand or may never understand. I 
guess it's time to discuss some things that I've been 
thinking about. I want you to see a therapist. You may 
not realize it but you're changing mentally. You have a 
different attitude and perspective about life than you 
did as a man. The dedicated family man and logical 
scientist is gone. You have become a horny college girl. 
The only thing that appears to still be mentally correct 
with you, is your memory. I would be remise in my 
medical responsibility if I didn't advise you to seek 
professional counseling; and to obtain a lawyer."

"I'm willing to follow your medical advice."

"I'll make some discreet inquires to see what I can set 
up for you."

I left his office and was opening my car when someone 
grabbed my wrist. Startled, I turned to see Tommy 
standing beside me with a sarcastic grin on his face.

"How come you aren't returning my phone calls? The 
party's tonight. What time will you be ready?"

"I'm not going with you. If I do attend, I'll probably be 
by myself or with someone else. For your information, 
I'm not Amanda. My name is Renee."

"I heard that line of bullshit. Cathy's boyfriend has 
been telling everyone that you're Amanda's twin. But 
you can't fool me. I know you too well. Yes sir, you 
can't fool me. As for not going to the party with me, 
nobody dumps me. I'll be over at 7 PM. Be ready." he 
commanded, turning around to walk away from me. I 
just stared at the arrogant asshole's back as he 
climbed in his car. As he drove away, I gave him a 
finger.

How did Amanda ever tolerate him? At that time, I 
thought that he was a nice boy, because he was 
always polite around me. Now that I saw his true 
colors, I wanted to kick his ass.

******

Danny came by the house to eat lunch with me. I was 
fixing the sandwiches when he slipped up behind me, 
holding me as he slipped his hands under my blouse. 
He reached around me, cupped my breasts in his 
hands, rubbing his palms all over my breasts as he 
nibbled on my neck. I loved the feel of his hands 
touching me through my satiny bra. Although we 
hadn't started eating lunch yet, I felt an uncontrollable 
urge to let him fuck me. It was such a strong emotion 
that I couldn't ignore it or let him begin lunch. I 
wanted him to fuck me on the kitchen floor, but he 
carried me upstairs to my new bedroom.

In the next two hours, he fucked me three different 
times. The first time, it was nothing but pure animal 
lust for each other as he repeatedly pounded his body 
against my out-thrust ass. We started with him 
placing me on the bed, with my head buried in his lap. 
He had me lie on my stomach as he massaged my 
neck and back. I moaned as he gently moved his 
fingers and tongue up and down my back, legs and 
ass. By the time he was ready to lubricate my anus, I 
was moaning loudly as I tried to suck him dry. After he 
applied the jelly, there was only a momentary pain 
until he inserted his cock in far enough to pass my 
sphincter muscle. He quickly buried his cock deep 
inside my ass, satisfying him as his stroking hand 
satisfied me. Then afterwards, we enjoyed a long 
warm, wet shower where we gently kissed, and licked 
each other clean.

The second time was a wonderful slow, sixty nine on 
each other. I felt him start by running his tongue over 
the head of my cock. I enjoyed the moist warmth of his 
lips and tongue as he skillfully wrapped his warm lips 
around my shaft. He totally engulfed my dick like a 
sword-swallower and slowly moved up and down it, 
driving me insane with lust. Danny controlled me with 
his tongue and throat muscles building me up slowly 
as I fucked his face and sucked his huge cock.

I liked the way that he would fuck my face with a slow 
even tempo, while I swallowed his throbbing cock. I felt 
his cock began to bulge up, as a sign that he was 
ready to shoot his cum. He began to thrust in and out 
faster, shoving the cock completely down my waiting 
throat. I could smell his pungent man scent as his 
balls slapped against my chin with each thrust. Then 
he tensed as he shot wad after wad of thick and salty 
semen down my throat. I eagerly swallowed each spurt 
of his cum. Danny continued to thrust his dick in my 
mouth until it became flaccid. Our bodies relieved, 
Danny and I lay in bed quietly, regaining our breath.

The next time started out by him sucking me until I 
was very erect, then he assumed the ass-high position, 
allowing me to penetrate his ass with my small dick. 
After I filled him full of my cum, he rolled me over so 
that I was spread-eagled on my back, with his cock up 
my ass.

Both of us enjoyed the way that we pleasured each 
other. We would tease each other by purposely holding 
out as we embraced and kissed for long periods. We 
were intimately familiar with each other's bodies and 
knew where to linger to pleasure each other. At times, 
we became one person, slowly, enticing each other to 
reach the outer most limits of our passions.

After we finished, we were lying curled up, just 
listening to each other's breathing, enjoying that most 
relaxing after-sex feeling, when I heard a door slam. 
Then I heard Cathy yell "Renee."

"Up here." I groaned, pulling a sheet over Danny and 
myself, but remaining in the same curled up position 
on top of Danny.

My bedroom door opened and Cathy paused as she 
saw that Danny was in bed with me. Then she 
apologized "Sorry, but I'm worried about Dad. I called 
to check to see when he was coming back. I can't find 
him anywhere. Did he say anything that morning 
about someplace else where he might be?"

I felt my stomach tense as I realized that I was going to 
have to make a decision soon as to telling the girls the 
truth. I slowly collected my thoughts then informed 
her. "There was a phone call from him on the recorder 
this morning. Sorry but I accidentally deleted it as I 
was listening to it. He had a change in plans and will 
call you Monday morning."

"Oh, thank god. I started getting worried when I 
thought that something might have happened to him. 
Thanks."

She started to shut the door, then smiled as she 
jokingly gasped "Renee. As one girl to another girl, you 
must learn to swallow all the cum instead of letting it 
dry on your chin."

She shut the door before my thrown pillow hit it. I 
could hear her laughing as she went down the hall.

******

Danny was staring at my naked body. He suggested 
"You've trimmed your pubes, but you still have too 
much hair. It tickles my nose when I go down on you. 
Let me shave you and turn you into a real girlie-boy."

I wasn't sure what to do or how respond. As he 
gathered the shaving gear from the bathroom, I only 
had a couple of seconds to decide if I wanted him to do 
this to me. Shaving my legs is one thing, but shaving 
my one and only ball is a different matter. When he 
came back into the bedroom, he had such a big smile 
on his face that I knew that he was really looking 
forward to shaving me. There was no way now that I 
could stop him. He placed a towel on the bed for me to 
lie on. When I was comfortable, I felt a coolness as he 
spread a cool foam over my lower tummy.

He grasped the base of my shaft and pulled it to one 
side, holding it in his warm hand as he whispered 
"Trust me. When I'm finished with you, this will look 
just like an eight year old boy's pretty little boy-cock. 
You'll like the way it feels, having your beautiful skin 
bare. You'll wonder why you didn't shave yourself 
sooner. So just lie back and relax; let me surprise 
you."

I was looking at his face and not at what he was doing 
to me. He was talking to my cock and not to my face. I 
leaned back and relaxed, knowing that he wouldn't 
hurt me. I felt the razor tug slightly on the hairs as he 
slowly pulled it across my skin, causing my skin to feel 
very cool from the cleared foam. As the razor gently 
removed what little hair I had, he smiled.

I felt a mild erection start because of the warmth of his 
hand around me. He looked up from my cock to my 
eyes for just a second to flash me a smile before he 
looked back down. He adjusted his handhold on my 
cock so that his thumb was resting on top of it. Then 
he slowly started moving his thumb in a slow rotating 
motion similar to that motion that everyone makes 
when they tell the "world's smallest record player" 
joke. My mild erection quickly became a big erection. 
Big for me, that is.

He softly sighed "Good, it makes it so much easier to 
shave, when it stands up by itself."

Working slowly, he had my shaft smooth in a few 
minutes. His constant rubbing of his thumb back and 
forth over my head, helped to insure that my erection 
didn't fade.

When he was finished shaving me, he wiped my 
shaved shaft and scrotum with a warm washcloth. 
Then he dropped to his knees so that his face was only 
inches from my still erect cock, which was tingling 
from his gentle touch. He leaned forward, letting his 
warm breath float across my freshly shaved area. Then 
he proclaimed "I'm going to examine you to see if there 
are any rough areas. My face is very soft and 
sensitive." 

With two fingers, he held my erection as he lightly 
touched my shaft against his cheek. For just a 
moment, it rested against his soft flesh before he 
slowly rotated his face, tilting his head slightly so my 
cockhead passed just under his nose and above his 
lips. When my cock was on his other cheek, he 
proclaimed "Soft as a baby's butt. Don't go away."

He stood and walked into the bathroom, returning 
with a bottle of baby oil. I watched as he poured a little 
baby oil in his cupped hand, letting it warm to his 
hand's warm temperature. 

He ran his oil coated hand lightly over my cock and 
shaved abdomen. "How does that feel? Do you want 
me to stop?" he asked as he rubbed the oil into my 
skin. I felt a drop of oil slowly drip down my ass as his 
slick hand glided around my erection. He made sure 
that I was very smooth, slick and ready.

"No. I want you." I groaned answering the last 
question.

He dropped back down to his knees, positioning his 
lips only inches from my cock so that I was feeling his 
warm breath as he slowly pronounced each word "We 
have so much to teach each other. I'm going to give 
you the best blow job that you ever had."

He slipped his well lubricated thumb into my ass as he 
wrapped his lips around my hard cock.

******

It wasn't my best ever blow job ever but it definitely 
was one of the top three. 

Danny informed me. "I need to get cleaned up and go 
home for awhile. I'll be back to pick you up at 7. Some 
of our friends are having a party tonight that I want to 
take you to."

"I can't go to that party. Why don't you pick me up at 
six and we'll find something else to do?"

"Is it because of Tommy that you can't go? Some of my 
friends say that he's bragging that you're his date 
tonight. And he's already rented a motel room to screw 
you after the party."

"Yes. He thinks that I'm Amanda and he gave me a 
hard time today. In my former life, I'd kicked his ass, if 
he talked to a woman like that in my presence."

"What former life?"

"Oh. I meant . . . I didn't like what he said. He enjoys 
humiliating women. Just leave it at that."

Danny stood up, as he pulled on his T-shirt. I stared at 
his huge cock, just hanging down, waiting for 
something warm to surround it. For a moment, I 
daydreamed about what I would like to do with his 
cock. Then reality hit me as I realized that Danny was 
dressing.

******

I had selected a watermelon colored sport tanktop 
because I liked the way it made my breasts look bigger 
and the way it exposed my bare midriff. I was wearing 
a white cotton jersey pant with stripes to match the 
tanktop.

Danny had arrived at 6 PM, but refused to leave with 
me because he knew that he would have to face 
Tommy sooner or later. I tried to get him to leave, or to 
leave with me, but he refused. He just sat on the porch 
waiting for Tommy.

Then Tommy arrived, pulling up in his car. He didn't 
bother to get out of the car. He just looked at Danny 
sitting on the porch. Then Tommy angrily asked "What 
are you doing here?"

"Renee is my girl. I came by to take her to the party 
tonight. Are you going to leave peacefully?"

"Yeah. I thought that I had a date for tonight, but it 
looks like I'll have to make other plans. See you at the 
party." he declared as he shifted gears, pulling out of 
the driveway with his tires squealing.

I came out on the porch, watching his car pick up 
speed as he drove away. I quietly uttered "I don't want 
to go to the party. Let's stay here tonight."

"I'm going to have to meet him sooner or later. He 
won't let it drop. We have to go tonight. If you won't go 
with me, then I'll go by myself to meet him. You 
wouldn't understand that a man has to do what a man 
has to do."

I called him a fucking asshole as I ran into the house, 
with tears streaming down my face.

******

We were an hour late getting to the party. I had to put 
my make-up back on and my face felt swollen from 
where I had been crying. I had delayed Danny as much 
as I could, then left with him when I knew that he was 
leaving without me.

It was an outdoor party at someone's lake-side cabin. 
As we walked through the crowd of teenagers, I could 
smell pot and there was no attempt to hide the beer. It 
was a typical kid's party. Several people spoke to us, 
with most of them calling me Amanda. We talked to a 
couple of them, with Danny introducing me as Renee. 
Then it happened.

"Nobody takes my woman away." yelled a loud voice 
behind us.

I turned to see Tommy standing there with three of his 
friends backing him up. For just a moment I wished 
that Danny was a fiery, muscle-bound warrior that I 
could turn loose against this fool. I knew that I 
couldn't shut my eyes and ignore the situation. 

I stepped between him and Danny as I declared "You 
made three mistakes. First, I've never been your 
woman. Or would want to be your woman. Second, my 
name is Renee, not Amanda. I'm a cousin of Amanda's. 
Third, you have insulted me. I don't want a fight and 
am willing to forget it. Just turn around and walk 
away. It's over."

I saw a few minute drops of perspiration on his brow 
and suspected he had been drinking even before he got 
to the party. Tommy took a sip of his beer and threw 
the empty beercan at my feet as he cried "Fucking, 
lying bitch. I don't know what I ever saw in you 
anyway."

Danny pushed me aside as he stepped forward. "She is 
my woman and you can't talk to her like that."

Tommy faked a jab at Danny's head and Danny 
ducked, as Tommy followed through with a hard shot 
into Danny's midsection. Danny grunted as Tommy 
slammed another shot in the same place. Danny 
stepped back, then moved in throwing a straight right 
at Tommy's head. Tommy ducked under his arm and 
pounded Danny with a quick left to his ribs. Danny's 
grunt of pain could be heard by the entire crowd. 
Before he could recover, Tommy landed a short 
chopping smack to his cheek. Danny staggered, 
stunned by the effect of Tommy's punches. 

Grabbing Danny's shirt around the neck, Tommy fell 
backwards as he straightened his legs into Danny's 
stomach, which sent Danny tumbling to land heavily 
on his back, knocking the breath out of him. Before he 
could get up, one of Tommy's friends placed his foot in 
the middle of Danny's chest. 

I tried to run to him, but someone grabbed me and 
held me so that I couldn't do anything but struggle 
against his tight hold on me. As he applied moderate 
pressure around my chest pinning my arms, I 
struggled to free myself but to no avail. Even tugging 
on his forearm with both my hands was insufficient to 
break his stronger hold.

I watched as Tommy swaggered over to Danny. A 
crowd had formed around them but no one was 
helping Danny. The kid holding Danny down, removed 
his foot as Tommy kicked Danny in the ribs. 

I kicked off my shoe and jammed my heel down as 
hard as I could on my enemy's ankle, causing him to 
release his hold on me. Before he could grab me again, 
I took three quick steps forward, concentrating on 
Tommy's wide legged stance. On the third step, I 
brought my right let up, kicking as if I was kicking a 
field goal. Only the ball that I was kicking, was 
between Tommy's spread legs.

My forward momentum was enough so that the force 
of my kick knocked me to the ground. As I fell, I 
watched Tommy bend forward and fall to the ground. I 
quickly scrambled to my feet and looked around at 
Tommy's friends to see if any of them was going to 
come at me. They were just staring at me. I turned my 
head to see Tommy all curled up in a ball on the 
ground as he threw up. It appears that my kick had 
been right on the target.

"Get out of my way." screamed Jeff as he forced 
himself through the crowd. He jumped into the circle, 
looking at Danny and Tommy down on the ground as 
he went into a fighting stance.

Someone in the crowd yelled "It's over. We didn't want 
any trouble or want to mess with Tommy when's he 
drunk. The young lady took care of him."

I walked over to Danny, who was holding his ribs as he 
laid on the ground. Jeff and I helped him to his feet 
and then to Danny's car. I wanted to drive Danny to 
the hospital, but he refused, so I drove Danny home. 
To my home. To my bed, where I would take care of my 
warrior. The man that fought for my honor. Neither 
one of us uttered anything about how I had rescued 
him, because as far as I was concerned, he was the 
hero.

I undressed him and surveyed the damage. He had 
some minor cuts, but there was nothing that a couple 
of days wouldn't heal. I cleaned his cuts, feeling very 
protective of him, like he was mine and I would always 
take care of him. I don't like fights but for some 
strange reason, I felt proud that he had shed some 
blood for me.

I undressed and slipped into bed, curling up next to 
his aching body. I pressed my breasts up against the 
heat of his back and simply held him for a while, 
wrapping my arms around him as I held him. That 
night with Danny curled up in my arms, I slept the 
best sleep that I had in a long time.

Chapter 10 - My mental condition

Danny had slipped out of bed while I slept. He had to 
go to work and didn't want to wake me. When I woke 
up and realized that he was gone, I curled back up 
around his pillow, smelling his manly smell on the 
pillow. I didn't want to get up. I just wanted to lie in 
bed all day. 

Then I realized that I was feeling sluggish. And I didn't 
care about nothing except lying in bed. I figured it had 
to be some more of those hormonal effects that Doctor 
Johnson had warned me about.

It was an effort to get up, take a shower, and get 
dressed for my morning appointment with Doctor 
Johnson. I didn't feel like going anywhere, much less 
to the doctor's office.

Somehow, I made it, although I was twenty minutes 
late. He had a surprise for me. "Renee, this is Doctor 
Sumifo. I've told him about your recent medical 
changes, and asked him to meet with you this morning 
to evaluate your mental condition."

******

Four hours later, I had the bad news. The doctor had 
noticed at the start that although I was experiencing 
something that he described as torpor or lethargy, he 
was still able to discern other trends. Although I had 
the memories of a forty-seven years old man, I didn't 
have the mental maturity functioning of someone that 
age. He said that the special medical tests showed 
results expected for a normal teenage girl. Except for a 
major fluctuation in what he called the biogenic 
amine. He explained it as a group of naturally 
occurring, biologically active amines, such as 
norepinephrine, histamine, and serotonin, that act 
primarily as neurotransmitters and are capable of 
affecting mental functioning. He noted that an extreme 
case of this condition could cause puerilism, which is 
childish behavior in an adult.

He was all excited by my lab work results, although he 
agreed that the biogenic amine results were too far out 
of the normal range, to predict the exact mental 
impact it would have on me. Or if I would have this 
problem for the rest of my life.

It seems that my reasoning and judgment had been 
affected by my physical change also. While I scored 
high in tests involving memory, there was such 
inconsistency in the judgment tests, that the doctor 
wasn't able to determine a pattern. I think Doctor 
Johnson summed it up by stating that my reasoning 
ability was controlled more now by hormonal 
influences than by maturity influences. My 
temperament was within the range expected of 
someone that was my apparent age of nineteen.

Doctor Sumifo was quite enthused about my potential 
to adapt to my new environment. He joked about how I 
could still write my name in the snow; but at the same 
time I could enjoy that special freedom that only 
women can experience. He told me that once I learned 
how to use my freedom to play with roles, that my life 
would be much richer and I would be much happier. 
He emphasized that I needed to first work on my 
ability to converse as a woman by using my ability to 
listen.

He told me that my successful transition from male to 
female was dependent upon my mental adaptation as 
well as the physical adaptation. Except for the 
hormonal influences, I should settle down into being 
about the same person I had always been. He expected 
me to be able to have a long term monogamous 
relationship as a female because that had been my 
trait when I was a male.

They were going to observe me for several weeks before 
recommending any medical treatments. I could expect 
some type of hormone prescription to help maintain 
my female sexual characteristics and some diminution 
of my left-over male characteristics.

He noted that I would have to live as a woman for a 
couple of years before they would consider approving 
me to have the Sexual Reassignment Surgery. I told 
him that I wasn't interested in having my cock cut off, 
and he responded that only time would tell.

His parting advice was that I've got to adapt to living in 
a two sex world although I was clearly a third sex. 
Society won't accept a hermaphrodite; therefore I have 
to adapt to society or find a way to blend in to the 
accepted sex definitions. He offered to set me up for 
counseling to help me learn how to be a functional, 
whole, loving human being in my new body. So, big 
shit. I knew that it would be up to me to learn what 
I've got to do to survive in my new body.

******

That night in my bed, I was resting my head on 
Danny's bare chest, one of my legs was wrapped over 
Danny's massive thighs. My fingers were playing with 
his chest hair as we relaxed from the wonderful 
orgasm that we had just shared with each other.

There was only a flickering candle lighting the room. In 
the dim light, I could hardly see his cock that was only 
inches from my face. But I could sense it. Danny 
recovers fast and I knew that he was ready for me. I 
slid my face down his belly until his cockhead touched 
my face, getting a little of his still drooling cum on my 
lips.

I started to bend down towards his crotch when I felt 
his hand on the back of my head, his fingers 
tightening around my hair; as he gently guided me.

I opened my mouth wide and allowed his cock to slide 
into my waiting mouth, enjoying the initial salty taste. 
I swirled my tongue on the glans, feeling it's smooth 
texture. As his fingers tightened on my scalp, I pushed 
my face deep into his lap shoving as much of his cock 
as I could into my mouth without gagging. Then I 
tightened my lips around the shaft and slowly pulled 
away, raking my teeth lightly over his shaft, leaving 
only the head in my mouth.

He tensed and moaned as he thrust his hips up 
towards my face, wanting me to take it all back into 
my mouth. Teasing him, I backed off at first, then 
rammed his cock deep into my throat again, knowing 
that it would drive him insane with desire.

His back arched and his cock remained still. Now, he 
would let me do whatever I wanted to do to him. I 
wrapped my lips around his shaft, and slowly slid up 
and down the shaft, letting my lips massage his very 
engorged cock. Then I began bobbing up and down on 
his cock as fast as I could. I opened my mouth and 
accepted as much of it as I could. He grabbed my hair 
and thrust his cock as far into my throat as he could. I 
momentarily gagged and tried to breathe through my 
nose.

Then he tensed as he exploded in my mouth quickly 
filling my mouth with gushes of cum. I desperately 
tried to swallow it all, but he came too fast and too 
much. Most of it went down my throat and some 
spilled out on my chin.

******

I felt warm inside, comfortable with myself, relaxed 
with my new sexual identity, and happy with my new 
life. 

"I went looking for an apartment today." he noted.

"Really. Thought that you couldn't afford a place of 
your own yet." I replied as I blew across his chest, 
watching his chest hair move from my breath.

"I can't afford a place and my sportscar. But I can't 
expect to sleep over here every night. Mr. Palance may 
come back at any time which will put a stop to my 
nocturnal visits. I want a place of my own, where you 
can stay with me. As for the finances, I can trade my 
car in for a less expensive model so I can afford to have 
my own place."

I was hearing his words, but my eyes were focused on 
his penis. The purple head of his large still swollen 
cock was looking mighty inviting as I stared at it, lying 
on his muscular belly. I could hear the change in my 
voice as it became huskier as I replied "What if I tell 
you that I don't ever expect Richard Palance to show 
his face here again? That you can stay here with me 
forever?"

"I'm not afraid of him. I just don't want him to get the 
wrong impression of me or keep me from seeing you. 
Why are you so sure that he won't be back?" he 
responded as he sat up, purposely pulling my desired 
target out of range.

I sat up on my elbow so that I could look him in the 
eyes as I softly sighed "Call it woman's intuition. 
Would you like a beer?"

"Yeah."

I got up, pulling on a robe as I walked out of the guest 
bedroom. I knew that Cathy and Jeff were in her 
bedroom and that I probably wouldn't run into either 
of them, but I didn't want to take a chance of being 
caught completely naked. I walked down to the 
kitchen, got a couple of cold beers and walked back 
upstairs.

As I walked up the hall, I stared at the closed door to 
the master bedroom. My old room. For some reason, I 
bypassed the closed door to the guest bedroom where 
Danny was waiting for me and opened the door to the 
master bedroom. I hadn't been back in that room since 
the first day that I was transformed.

As I walked into the room, I could smell the old 
familiar scents of the cedar chest, my aftershave, and 
other familiar odoriferous items within that room. 

I walked to the dresser, drawn by the 8 by 10 
photograph on the dresser. I picked it up, and looked 
at the picture that I had stared at so many nights as I 
drifted off to sleep by myself in this room. It was the 
last picture of my family before my wife died. I stared 
at her image standing beside an image of the old me. 
Surrounding us, were our children. As I looked at it, I 
felt very depressed because my children had now lost 
both of their parents.

Yes, I was dead. Richard Palance was dead. Although I 
possess his memories, I'm no longer him. I don't think, 
look, or act like him. I'm someone else and I don't 
really know who I'm now.

I held the picture up to the mirror and looked at my 
reflected face as I stared at the image of Amanda in the 
picture. I was her clone, but I wasn't her. I don't exist 
anymore. I'm not a man anymore. And although I look 
like a woman, I'm most certainly not a woman. I felt a 
strong sense of sexual ambiguity and loss of identity 
because I didn't know who I had become.

I felt myself slipping to the floor as I began crying. And 
that is where Danny found me. Lying on the floor of 
the master bedroom, crying as I hugged a photograph 
of the Palance family. He got Cathy, but I didn't want 
to see her either. I was crying too hard and feeling too 
miserable to listen to either of them.

I let Cathy lead me back to the guest bedroom, but as I 
entered, the smell of my recent sexual encounter with 
Danny was still too strong. I backed out and refused to 
sleep in there. Cathy led me to Amanda's room and 
helped me get under the covers. I gulped down the two 
sleeping pills she gave me, with the glass of milk. I 
heard her suggest to Danny that he should let me 
sleep until I felt better. Then I lay there in Amanda's 
bed, looking at her closet full of clothes that I had been 
wearing for the last several days as I cried myself to 
sleep. I felt so depressed that I didn't care if I lived or 
died.

******

I still felt depressed, but not as depressed as last 
night. My eyes were swollen from the crying and I had 
on a big pair of sunglasses to hide them. Cathy had 
driven me to Doctor Johnson's office and was waiting 
in the lobby.

"So, young lady, what happened to you?"

"I don't know. One minute I was fine. The next, I 
turned to shit."

"Did anything occur that made you feel worse?"

"Yes. I saw an old family portrait. I realized that I still 
missed my wife and that I no longer existed. Or rather 
that Richard no longer exists."

"Your latest lab results indicates that your hormones 
are leveling off to what we expect to see in a teenage 
girl. So the massive hormonal changes that you have 
been experiencing should settle down to something 
that you control. When you get a little more consistent 
lab results, I'll prescribe some medication for you. But 
that is only half of the remedy. How much longer are 
you going to live this lie? You'll have to tell your 
daughters sooner or later. And from your episode last 
night, you can really use their support."

******

Cathy took me home and then went to school. I was 
standing naked in the guest bathroom. I turned the 
shower water on, adjusted the temperature and then 
stepped in.

I stood in the shower. As the hot water beat against 
me, washing away the depression; I gradually felt 
myself relax, felt the uneasiness at my flip-flopping 
different behavior drain away.

I selected a bar of soap. It wasn't my usual former 
male deodorant soap, but was one of my wife's 
expensive lotion soaps. I started rubbing a soapy 
lather on my back, using a backwash brush. The water 
splashing on my face and hair felt good. I lathered up 
my whole back and then worked some soap lather on 
my hands. As I rubbed the lather on my ass and 
squeezed the warm soapsuds up into the hidden flesh 
of my buttocks, I felt my mood change as I wished that 
Danny was in the shower with me. I was wishing that 
it was his soapy hands that were probing my rectum 
as I slowly finger-fucked myself with a soapy finger. I 
slid the bar up and down my legs, enjoying the feel of 
the soap rubbing against the tender skin on my inner 
thighs. I turned and faced into the shower, letting the 
warm water restore energy to my tired body as it 
cascaded over me.

I looked down at myself, seeing the dark and white 
portions of my body where that one day at the lake 
had tanned me everywhere, except where I was 
covered by my bathing suit. Seeing the whiteness of 
the breasts merge into the tanned chest seemed so 
natural.

I rubbed the wonderful smelling lotion soap all over my 
breasts and stomach, feeling my soft feminine skin 
glow with the contact. I began to gently squeeze and 
fondle my breasts as the water flowed over me, loving 
the sensual thrill that was flowing through my body 
now. I could feel myself stiffen with excitement as the 
feelings intensified with the water massaging my 
tender flesh.

My left hand slowly touched the bottom curve of my 
left breast, then my fingers began circling around its 
rounded shape, until I reached the areola of my erect 
nipple. I continued to play with the erect nipple 
fondling it with my fingers and pinching it between my 
fingers. My excitement built rapidly as I swapped 
duties for each hand. My hands cupped my tits as I 
slowly humped my hips against an invisible man's 
penis. My nipples were hard points, poking out as I 
lathered them. I moved my hands slowly down my 
belly, feeling the skin tingle as I headed for my 
ultimate target.

My erect penis was standing straight up, waiting for 
my hand to provide relief. I worked up a good soapy 
lather on my hand and started stroking myself, 
pretending that my cock was alternating between 
Danny's hands and mouth.

"Mmmmm....," I moaned. I stroked my cock with one 
hand and teased my nipple with the other soapy hand. 
My nipples were standing out straight from my soft 
breast. I rolled them back and forth between my 
fingers, then I pinched one of my nipples. That simple 
motion was enough to make my eyes glaze over with 
desire. I tugged on my breast trying to pull my nipple 
to my mouth, wanting to capture the hard fleshy finger 
between my lips. My body moved up and down as I 
arched my back and humped my cock against my 
soapy hand. 

Then it occurred. "Oh..Oh..shittttt!!!", I screamed as 
my knees buckled from the orgasm, and as my buns 
tightened. I closed my eyes, hearing loud moans that 
could only be emitting from my lips.

Slowly I returned to the real world, letting my dream 
world escape down the shower drain, with the remains 
of my masturbation. I rinsed myself before I turned off 
the shower. Feeling better now, I turned off the water 
and got out, reaching for a towel. I dried myself off, 
enjoying the way that the towel helped my skin feel 
alive.

Knowing that I was the only one in the house, I walked 
naked around the house while I decided what I wanted 
to do, to combat this depression. It felt great to walk 
nude around the inside of the house; although I admit 
it was just as scary as it was erotic.

Without having a plan in mind, I wandered through 
the house, until I found myself walking down to the 
master bedroom and opening the door. Slowly I 
entered the room, letting the familiar smells wash over 
me; knowing that this time, I wouldn't allow myself to 
get depressed.

I stood in front of my dresser and opened a drawer, 
seeing the familiar old male cotton underclothes. I 
pulled out a pair of my old worn male cotton briefs and 
pulled them on, noticing that they were now tight 
around the hips, but loose on the waist. As they slid 
up my legs, I thought for a moment how rough they 
were, and considered how quickly I got used to the soft 
female panties. The only place that they still fit, was 
around the cock, which I didn't hide between my legs. I 
pulled a plain white cotton T-shirt on, watching the 
nipples as they poked against the T-shirt pushed by 
the female breasts. I walked over to the closet and 
selected a random pair of trousers, which I put on. 
Then I stepped into a pair of my now oversized male 
shoes.

I returned to the dresser and parted my wet hair the 
way that I used to comb it; not the way that I brush it 
now. Then I looked at myself in the mirror as I softly 
whispered "The person formerly known as Richard 
Palance is gone. There is no way that I can go back to 
being him or living his life. It's clear from looking at 
myself dressed like this, that I can't wear his clothes 
anymore. No one will recognize me as him. For all 
practical purposes, he is dead. But I'm alive. I'm 
someone different. I'm not him, although I've got his 
memories. I'm me, whoever I'm now. While I may have 
some male body parts, I'm really a woman. I feel and 
think like a woman. I like to make love as a woman. 
No, I like to make love as a she-male. At this time in 
my life, I don't want to give up my cock to become a 
complete woman. I'll be happy just to look like a 
woman. From this moment on, I've got to adapt to 
being me and to living my new life. I cannot live both 
lives. The person that I'm now, has to build a 
relationship with my daughters, based upon me living 
my new life as a female that is their age. A relationship 
where I'm no longer their father but their friend and 
peer. The relationship with Amanda will be the most 
difficult, because every time she looks into a mirror, 
she'll see a face that she shares with me. I must build 
this relationship in a manner that won't hurt her life 
or have her hate the way that she looks. I cannot 
compete with Amanda for her rightful place in society. 
And last but not least, I must not let my new sexual 
preferences affect my daughter's lives. I must learn to 
accept and control my new desires."

I didn't feel depressed anymore. I had made my peace 
with myself and resolved the inner turmoil that had 
been tearing me apart. I knew now that I could enter 
this room, even sleep in this room, and that I would 
never get depressed again. I had made peace with 
myself and decided what I was going to do with my life. 
I knew now that all my identity feelings were female 
and all thoughts of myself were feminine, and I was 
prepared to live that life. Or as close as being a she-
male would allow.

I realized that I had three major problems. One 
problem was, how would the girls accept the new 
female me? Another problem was, how would Danny 
accept me as being the former Richard Palance? And 
last but not least, how would the girls then accept 
Danny and my personal/sexual relationship with him?

Chapter 11 - Telling the girls

After I decided on a course of action, I put on a sun 
dress, applied my make-up, fixed my hair before 
calling Doctor Johnson to inform him that I was ready 
to seek legal support to take the necessary legal 
actions. I told him that I would need his assistance at 
the first couple of meetings with my lawyer.

Then I called my lawyer and set up an appointment for 
Monday morning. 

Then I started making the difficult calls.

"Hello." responded a very familiar voice from the 
phone. It was my new voice that I was hearing, but I 
could tell a very slight difference in the tone.

"Amanda. This is Renee. Has Cathy told you that I'm 
staying at your home?"

"Yes and she's build my curiosity up. She informed me 
that you're my identical twin and that she could only 
tell us apart by the hairstyle. I'm looking forward to 
seeing what you look like, when I come home next 
weekend."

"That's why I called you. There are some legal 
problems that need to be discussed this weekend, that 
can't be discussed over the phone. Can you come 
home Friday night?"

"I hadn't planned on it, because I'll be home the 
following weekend for at least three weeks. What's 
going on?"

"I'm doing this at the specific request of your father. 
He thinks that it's important that you're here this 
weekend. Your father is getting ready to do something 
that will affect you and the other girls. He wants you to 
have some time to think about what's going to have to 
occur."

There was a long pause then she responded "I'll 
change my plans and catch an early flight."

I called Linda and eventually talked her into coming 
home also. She was very difficult to convince her that 
she had to come home this weekend.

When Cathy came home from school, I told her that I 
had contacted her sisters per her father's guidance 
and that they would be here Tomorrow night. I 
suggested to her that she break her standard date with 
Jeff. She wanted to know more, especially why her 
father was talking to me and not her. But I ignored her 
requests, telling her that everything would be 
explained to her tomorrow night.

******

I thought a lot about what to wear for my first meeting 
with them. I slipped on some cotton panties, a bra that 
unfastened in the front and carefully put on my 
makeup before trying the outfit on. I spent extra time 
on my hair, trying to make look the way the beautician 
fixed it. When I was dressed, I turned to examine 
myself in the mirror. I settled on a simple white short 
cotton tankdress that buttoned up the front, that I had 
purchased. I didn't want to wear anything fancy and 
knew that I would have to undress later. Yet I wanted 
to make a good first impression.

Linda was the first one to arrive. Of the three girls, she 
looked the most like her mother. Since I had seen her 
last, she had lost about ten pounds of her babyfat that 
she had carried most of her teenage years. And 
changed her hairstyle to a more popular style; which 
looked good on her. She had the same hairstyle from 
the fourth grade until her first year of college. In high 
school, Linda had a tomboy-ish figure, but since 
college, she had developed a much fuller figure with a 
pair of natural breasts that any playboy model would 
die to have. She was a pretty shoulder length brunette, 
about five seven, gray eyes, and about 120 pounds. 

As Cathy came down the stairs to join us, Linda put 
down her purse, walked slowly around me, with a big 
smile on her face, then exclaimed "I didn't believe that 
anyone could look that much alike. The hairstyle is the 
only difference."

We talked for about an hour while we waited for 
Amanda to arrive. It started off by Linda wanting to 
know about Renee's life. I put her off by suggesting 
that we wait until Amanda arrived so that I wouldn't 
have to go over the same old stories twice in one night. 
Her curiosity was too energized to let the questions 
drop, so I spent the time trying to change the subject 
everytime that Linda re-opened it.

My back was facing the door, but my hair started 
standing on end when Amanda opened the door. I 
knew it was her and that my moment of truth had 
arrived.

Cathy and Linda shut up as Amanda entered the 
room. I stood up and turned around to face her. 
Except for the different hair color and styles, I was an 
almost exact carbon copy of her.

She didn't say a word as she stepped forward to 
examine me. At the same time, I noticed that she had 
a small blemish on her forehead, which was a left over 
smallpox scar, which I didn't have. I knew that she 
had it, but had forgotten about it. I also noticed that 
she applied her make-up differently from how the 
cosmetician taught me. She concentrated more on her 
eyes which I liked. Then it dawned upon me that I was 
sizing her up just as she was probably sizing me.

She walked completely around me before she uttered a 
word. As she spoke, I recognized that my speech 
pattern was different from her softer, more southern 
sound. She announced "I was very surprised when you 
called me to ask me to come home this weekend. I was 
secretly planning on coming anyway. Ever since, I 
discovered that I had a mysterious twin living in my 
house, claiming to be my cousin, I have been 
suspicious. So when I couldn't find Daddy to ask him 
about you, I hired a detective to investigate what 
you've been telling everyone. I got the report yesterday. 
It described how you took over my life, went out with 
my friends, and made yourself at home. My former 
boyfriend, Tommy, told my detective a lot of things 
about you. And it was easy to find out that you had a 
phony ID made after you arrived here, using money 
from my father's bank card. From my missing father's 
bank card. Only his report didn't have any details on 
my father's present whereabouts, or any details about 
you before you arrived. You see, there is no cousin 
that we don't know. Renee Palance doesn't really exist. 
And my father may be missing. So who are you? Do I 
need to call the police to find out the truth?"

There was a shocked look on Cathy's face as I looked 
from one girl to another. Clearly Amanda didn't shared 
the details of her investigation with either of them. I 
sat down on the couch as I uttered "You're right. The 
person known as Renee Palance didn't exist a couple 
of weeks ago. That's why I asked you to come home, so 
all four of us could sit down and discuss me and my 
transformation."

Amanda opened a purse and lit a cigarette. I'd never 
seen her smoke before, so it surprised me to see her do 
that. I don't know if I was more surprised at her 
smoking or that she was doing in our home. She sat 
down in the easy chair facing me and shrugged "Start 
talking."

"Cathy, you remember the day the lab burned down? 
How you came home to find your father, with cuts on 
his hands and legs from the explosion? Well, you know 
that he was experimenting with an assorted mixture of 
untried chemicals on different DNA samples. That 
explosion injected a chemically modified DNA sample 
of Amanda's DNA into his body. That night, while he 
slept, he turned into an almost exact clone of Amanda. 
I am . . . . or rather I was the person known as Richard 
Palance."

Linda dropped her cola glass on the floor. She was in a 
state of shock so she didn't realize that the glass had 
fallen from her hands.

Amanda took a long pull on her cigarette before she 
replied "I was prepared for a lot of different lies, but 
I've got to admit that this one never even entered my 
mind. What proof do you have?"

"None, except my memory of my previous life as your 
father. No one saw the physical change from my old 
body to my new body. When I woke up, I looked just 
the way that you see me now, except for the hair. My 
hair was still my old style, but it was your reddish-
brown natural color."

Cathy jumped in "I did see that haircut on her, but I 
thought it was just another dorky style that you were 
trying out."

"There's no way that what you described, could've 
occurred. You can't change sexes and lose twenty 
years just by injecting some chemicals into your body." 
exclaimed Linda, who was beginning to come out of 
her shock, however she still didn't noticed her split 
drink.

"There's a lot about science that has not been learned 
yet. We're just on the fringes of discovering ways to 
double our lives. Already through chemicals, we are 
living longer; we are able to chemically modify our 
bodies so that it resembles the other sex. There are so 
many possible ways to modify or enhance our bodies 
through chemical means that we may never discover 
them all. As it is, I don't know how my change 
occurred. The explosion destroyed all of my records 
and I don't remember which particular chemical 
mixture was merged with your DNA."

"Bull shit. What's my mother's favorite song?" 
screamed Amanda.

"Please remain calm. I'm telling the truth. Your 
mother's favorite song was `Amazing Grace' but she 
didn't tell too many people about it. She wasn't an 
atheist but she didn't believe in a lot of the religious 
practices. So she kept quite about her favorite song 
because of it's religious association."

There was quite in the room as each of the girls looked 
at each other. Then Cathy asked "When I was four, 
who died?"

I smiled as I replied "No one. But the love of your life 
died when you were seven. Skipper was the best dog 
that any family ever had. He slept in your bedroom 
every night at the foot of your bed."

For the next twenty minutes, it was one question after 
another fired at me. A couple of them was intended to 
throw me off-balance, but I gave the correct answer 
every time. After only five minutes, I knew that Cathy 
was convinced that I was whom I stated I was. Then 
Linda stopped asked me questions, leaving me to 
wonder if she accepted me or couldn't accept what she 
was hearing. Amanda was the one that kept throwing 
questions at me. There were a couple answers where 
our memories didn't agree on very minute points, but 
that was normal as I pointed out. All of the questions 
were about my memory of my former life and not about 
my current body or personality.

Finally Amanda looked at her sisters with a very 
serious expression as she delicately announced "I'm 
scared to admit it, but there is no way that she could 
correctly know so many intimate details of our 
personal lives. I believe that she may be telling the 
truth. She could really be our father."

"Almost correct statement. The expression `I was your 
father' is a more correct statement. Ever since my 
abrupt transformation, I've been repeatedly poked and 
examined by Doctor Johnson. He's come to the 
medical conclusion that I'm a new person. That I'm 
someone that has your father's memories, and an 
almost perfect clone of your body. He thinks that my 
personality is also a mixture of your personality and 
my old personality. All those changes are permanent. 
So I used to be your father and will never forget those 
wonderful moments. But because of my 
transformation, I'm now and forever someone else. And 
that's the reason, I called this meeting. I wanted to 
discuss my new identity, as we try to establish a new 
relationship between ourselves." 

Linda stood up, walked over to the bar and poured 
herself a drink. She stayed at the bar sipping her drink 
as I continued "Think of the mental confusion that I 
went through after the transformation. I experienced 
just as much confusion myself, if not more. I made 
some judgment mistakes but part of it was because I 
had nothing to base my thinking on. At first, my intent 
was to hide this from you and to try to find a way to 
change back, because I knew that you could never 
accept me this way. That first morning, when Cathy 
thought I was Amanda, I was very confused because I 
was in shock. I realized that I wasn't thinking clearly, 
but chalked it up to being in a minor shock. As more 
people mistook me for Amanda, I realized that I had to 
keep my identity separate from her identity. I also 
realized that I had to accept my new appearance and 
blend into the community. So I adopted the name 
Renee and had my hair fixed so that it conformed to 
the standards expected for this gender."

I looked at them to see if they understood. Cathy's face 
was eager, indicating that she believed and was trying 
to understand me. However, Amanda and Linda's face 
were masked so that I couldn't determine the impact of 
my words.

I continued "I sought medical advice. I tried to blend 
in, to live a normal life, as I was being evaluated. And 
then reality set in. This transformation was 
permanent. I was going to look, think and be this way 
for the rest of my life. There was no way that I could go 
back to my old body or old life. I would be this person 
that you see now, for the rest of my life. Once I made 
that decision, the rest was easy. I knew that I had to 
tell you, but when and how was the issue. So I called 
this meeting to tell you. Now that you know, we have 
some more details that we'll have to work out. I'll 
understand if you want me to leave while the three of 
you discuss me. I'll also understand if you want me to 
get out of your life forever. I'm prepared to move on, 
however I'd like to stay here for the time being. I hope 
that you accept my new identity and personality. I also 
want to be your friend. I need you to be my friends."

Linda looked at the other girls, then asked "Please go 
out to the picnic table, so that we can talk. My sisters 
and I need some time alone."

I nodded and walked outside, over to the picnic table 
under the trees and sat down. I knew that I wouldn't 
believed my story if someone else told it to me. I was 
hopping that they would allow their common sense to 
rule their decisions. About twenty minutes later, Cathy 
opened the door as she requested "Can you join us 
please?"

The room smelled smoky after being out in the fresh 
air. Amanda had an ashtray in front of her, filled with 
several butts. After I sat back down on the couch, 
Linda noted "Its a fantastic story. There are just 
enough details to back up portions of it, to make it 
possible. While we want to believe that you're telling 
the truth, we also find it very difficult to believe that 
this could have happened and hope that you 
understand our hesitance. While your answers to our 
random questions were correct, there are ways to 
obtain those answers and be prepared for an intense 
questioning. After all, people have come up with wild 
stories to gain access to less money. While we aren't 
completely convinced that you're our father, we're also 
not convinced that you're not lying to us. We have 
decided to accept you as who you say you are, under 
certain conditions."

She took a drink from her little shot glass and poured 
herself another drink before as Amanda continued 
"You live here as Renee, with us watching and living 
with you. We will give you a minor allowance so that 
you don't have to worry about day to day expenses. At 
the same time, we increase our utilization of our 
detective. His job will be to prove that you're lying and 
to find our father. If he is able to do either, we will 
have you arrested. If we cannot find our father but still 
think that you're lying, then we will have you arrested 
and let the courts decide. If we decide that you're our 
father, then we will take the necessary legal steps to 
help you regain any legal rights that you desire. You 
can live here or where ever you choose to live. You can 
also have what ever sexual partners you desire, just so 
long as you don't do anything that would shame our 
family."

"Fair enough. I agree. My only boyfriend is Danny. I 
don't want him to know about my transformation." I 
responded.

Amanda put her cigarette out as she uttered "I loved 
my father very much. We all did. It was a tragedy to 
lose our mother and then to think that we had also 
lost our father. I want to believe you, but it's still 
difficult for me to imagine as what you described as 
being possible to occur. My last class was today so I'm 
home. While Linda goes back to finish the rest of her 
commitments on Monday, Cathy and I'll be living with 
you, watching you."

"I expect nothing less from any of you. While I can't 
continue being your father, I'll be your friend and peer. 
Your cousin, Renee, who just came to town. I'll be just 
one of the girls, staying here with the rest of the girls. 
And just as you have your boyfriends, I'll have my 
boyfriends also. I'll answer any questions or take any 
tests that you decide to put me through, to prove 
myself. But there will come a time and point, where 
you have to admit that I used to be your father. And 
accept my new identity."

Amanda smiled for the first time, since she entered the 
house as she said "Hello, Renee."

Chapter 12 - The Gauntlet of questions

We ordered a pizza delivery for supper as we discussed 
our new relationship. Now that we had come to an 
initial understanding, it was easier to talk to each 
other. I was still the center of every discussion, and 
still felt like an outsider, but I could tell that they were 
trying to accept my transformation.

There was a definite change in Cathy's attitude toward 
me. Gone was the `old buddy' camaraderie of the last 
several days as she thought about the intimate things 
that we had shared prior to my divulgence. She was 
still friendly but her attitude was clearly reserved, now 
that she knew that I used to be her father.

"Why do you want us to treat you as an equal and not 
as our father anymore?"

"Because the three of you are at the age where you are 
very independent. In most families, the relationship 
changes as the parents have to learn to be friends 
instead of the lord and master. While I enjoyed that 
role when your mother was alive, I basically gave up 
that responsibility as I sulked in my depression. Now 
that I look to be your age and sex, it's better for all of 
us if our new relationship will be built upon trust and 
friendship, rather than upon birthing rights."

"What will we tell people about you? You just can't 
disappear. They will be curious about what Richard 
Palance is doing."

"True. But for most people, that is none of their 
business. We will see our lawyer, develop our plans, let 
in the people that have to know, such as your Aunt 
Sally. God know that I'm not looking forward to 
discussing this with her, but that's my problem. Some 
people will have to know. Doctor Johnson already 
knows. The three of you will have to learn to accept me 
as Renee. Once that becomes automatic, then 
everything else will be easy."

"Does it feel any different to be a woman?"

"Yes and no. When I do something physical, I'm 
slightly aware that my body has changed because of 
it's smaller size and weaker muscles. When I'm 
relaxing, I don't feel any different sensations or 
emotions. I know that my personality has changed, 
but I so quickly adapted to that new personality, that I 
don't notice that change now. I feel like I'm normal 
until I'm with someone, which is when I notice the 
most change. People react differently because they 
think that I'm a woman. Having a man hold a door 
open for me, being the center of attention, being ogled 
by men as they stare at my ass or boobs, were just 
some of the things that I had to learn to accept in my 
new gender role. People judge other people by their 
cover, so other people treated me as if I was Amanda. I 
noticed that people treat women different depending 
upon how they are dressed, which was a little difficult 
to get used to."

Cathy grinned as she suggested "Being a girl isn't bad 
at all. I know that I wouldn't want to be a boy, just 
because I enjoy wearing pretty clothes and making 
myself look beautiful. I like to wear make up and an 
enticing perfume and to see pretty nail polish on my 
nails and everything else that is feminine. I especially 
enjoy going shopping and trying on a lot of clothes. I 
think that boys don't like to shop because they have so 
few choice in clothes or how they can change their 
looks."

"It has been interesting to go clothes shopping, and 
buying some nice things too. You should have seen me 
when I first wandered into Victoria's Secret for the first 
time."

"Take anything from my wardrobe that you need. I've 
got a lot of my clothes at school, so there is enough 
here to share. Tomorrow, why don't we go buy some 
new clothes to start your new wardrobe." Amanda 
suggested.

Linda groaned at Amanda's remark before she 
responded "Lock your new clothes away or she'll sneak 
them back to campus with her."

"I need to go clothes shopping and buy my own outfits. 
I felt embarrassed wearing your clothes and still telling 
everyone that I wasn't you. I went shopping several 
times but had an extremely difficult time with the sizes 
and color coordination. Some of the clerks looked at 
me as if I was stupid because I didn't know what size I 
wore; so I felt intimidated asking for help. Coming from 
an environment where I only had to color coordinate 
my tie with a white shirt, women clothes shopping has 
been a difficult challenge for me to master."

"You can take most items back to a fitting room and 
try it on to see if it fits and how it looks on you. Or 
only buy from stores with a liberal return policy. That's 
how I have to buy my clothes. Too many clothes aren't 
sized correctly." volunteered Cathy as she served the 
pizza.

"Women's clothing sizes are very confusing. I wear a 
size 6 dress in some brands, and a size 10 in other 
brands. When buying a bra, I select several in the 35 
inch C cup size to try on. Always try on a bra to 
guarantee that it fits correctly. A misfitted bra on a 
woman is similar to a man wearing a jockey cup 
upside down. I buy my slips, nightgowns and robes 
based upon my bust size, so that would be a M size. 
My petticoat or half-slips have to fit my waist so I get 
an S size which fits my 24 inch waist. And last but not 
least, panties are size 5 which fits my 35 inch hips. If 
you're an exact body clone, your vital measurements 
will be 35-24-25. You should weigh 112 pounds and 
be five foot, five inches tall in your bare feet, which are 
a size 7." explained Amanda.

"So tell me what it was like to discover that you had to 
start wearing make-up? Can you still wake up, get 
dressed and be ready to go to work in half an hour?" 
queried Linda.

"No, my first experience with trying to put on mascara 
and eye-shadow was a disaster. I had to go back to the 
mall's cosmetic counter twice for a refresher lesson 
before I could do anything that looked acceptable. It 
takes me about an hour to put my make-up on and fix 
my hair now." I admitted to them, glad that now I 
could ask for expert assistance.

Cathy jokingly suggested "I wished that I had seen you 
in high heels."

"I've tried them on and put them back into the closet. I 
haven't mastered standing in them, much less walking 
around yet."

Amanda took a sip of her beer as she asked with a 
suggestive lear on her face "So let's get down to the 
real stuff that we really want to know about. I 
understand that you have a boyfriend. A very 
attractive boyfriend, from what I remember about 
Danny from the old high school football team. What 
does he know about you?"

"Thanks to Cathy and Jeff pushing us together, we 
became lovers. We found that we liked being with each 
other. He doesn't know about my former life, only 
about Renee."

"Come on, Renee. We want to know. What was it like 
the first time?" grinned Linda.

Remembering my promise to tell them the truth about 
my new identity, I wondered if this was the time to tell 
them that I wasn't an exact clone. Knowing that there 
was only one answer, I took a deep breath before I 
softly responded "He wasn't the first person that I had 
sex with. Nick was."

Amanda started choking on the food in her mouth. 
When she recovered she moaned "You had sex with 
both Nick and Tommy. Two of the biggest fucking, no-
good, lying, big-mouth assholes in town. There goes 
my reputation. Shittttttt!!!!!!"

"I only had sex with Nick and that was only the one 
time. Tommy hit upon me repeatedly but we never did 
anything."

"He told my detective that the reason you tried to 
deball him, was because of a lover's spat."

"No, I just had sex with Nick and Danny. The fight with 
Tommy was because he was picking on Danny. As for 
Nick, I was wandering around confused that very first 
day, my body was exploding with female hormones 
and he took advantage of me when I was very 
confused."

"Sounds just like the fucking bastard. He let me get 
drunk one night in Earl's Bar, all the time promising to 
make sure that I got home safely. Instead he took me 
to his ratty, dirty little trailer. I woke up naked in his 
bed the next morning, coated with dried cum, wishing 
that I had died. I got out of his trailer so fast that I left 
some of my clothes there."

Linda was getting a little tipsy from the drinking that 
she had been doing since she got home. She slurred 
her words slightly as she said "So tell us about Nick 
and your first encounter with a cock, Renee."

"I was in the bar's bathroom. I had stopped off to get a 
beer and to try to compose my thoughts. Nick came in 
and provided the right physical stimulus for my body. 
Before I knew what was occurring, he was holding my 
head in his lap, guiding me as he showed me what he 
wanted me to do."

Amanda laughed for a couple of moments then said "A 
fucking blowjob in a bathroom. Did you enter that one 
in your dairy?"

I just looked at her, not responding to her. She was 
still laughing as she asked "What did you do with 
Danny?"

"The day that we were swimming in the lake, I let him 
fuck me."

Linda piped in "I lost my cherry on a boatdock at the 
lake. So I know what you felt like."

"So did you like it?" continued Amanda.

"Yes. I've got to admit that I liked making love with 
him. If I didn't like it, I wouldn't have allowed him to 
spend the next several nights with me in the guest 
bedroom. I've got to admit that I think of him as being 
my man and that I feel that I'm his woman."

"So tell us the truth." Linda slurred as she pointed a 
finger at me "Which is better? Sex as a man or sex as a 
woman?"

"That's difficult for me to answer right now. I'm still too 
inexperienced to give an honest or objective answer."

Cathy jumped in "Good answer, but we still want to 
know. We're going to ask you again and again until 
you make a decision." 

There was a funny smile on Amanda's face as she 
asked "If you're a clone of me, the last several days 
were dangerous to have sex without protection or birth 
control pills. What are you going to do, if you get 
knocked up?"

"I can't get pregnant. I don't have a vagina."

All three women stared at me. Linda was the first to 
voice what must be going through their minds as she 
asked "I don't understand. I thought that you were a 
clone of Amanda. Why don't you have a vagina?"

"I said that I was an almost exact clone. For reasons 
unknown to me, I kept my penis, one testicle, and my 
haircut. I also didn't get the various scars that 
Amanda has, such as her smallpox scar."

Cathy started laughing as she jumped in "You have a 
penis!! Does Danny know about it? Oh, shit, he has to 
know. That means. . ." She didn't finish her sentence 
but just sat there with a dumfounded look on her face.

"Yes, Danny knows that I'm not a complete woman. 
That I'm a female looking hermaphrodite. Every person 
has different desires and needs. I was lucky that I was 
able to find someone so quickly that had similar needs 
as my own needs. While we don't have sex in the 
traditional male - female sense, we do have sex that we 
both enjoy. In our roles, I'm the woman and he's the 
man. As you talk to him, or Jeff or anyone else, please 
keep that relationship in mind. What we do behind 
closed doors is no one else's business."

"I agree. Don't discuss Renee's real sex with Jeff or 
anyone else, Cathy." said Amanda staring at her 
younger sister.

Cathy flew off the handle as she yelled at Amanda "Me. 
Why just me? Don't you think that I've got enough 
sense to keep this quite? Who put you in charge, 
Amanda? You can no longer control me as you did 
when I was a kid." 

Linda paused to clear her throat to make sure that she 
clearly enunciated each and every word as she slowly 
commanded "Everyone, shut up. Its time to see this 
damn clone body. Strip down."

Amanda responded angrily "Cool it, Linda. She has the 
right to privacy."

I was glad to hear Amanda stand up for me because it 
meant that I had probably cleared up some of her 
major doubts about who I was. I replied "I don't mind 
and expected to show myself to you tonight. Its 
something that has to be done sooner or later. If I was 
in your shoes," stopping to look down at the borrowed 
shoes on my feet before continuing "which is a true 
statement, I would have the same concerns. Hope that 
you don't mind me borrowing your shoes Amanda, but 
I haven't bought too many clothes yet."

I stood up and slowly unbuttoned the tankdress as 
they watched me unsnap each of the eight buttons. 
Then I opened the dress and let it slide off my 
shoulders onto the floor. I was wearing one of my new 
bras that unfastened in the front and removed that. I 
could feel their eyes starting at my boobs. Then I 
pushed the panties down to the floor, stepping out of 
them. As I stepped out, my penis slipped out from 
between my legs, exposing itself to their observing 
eyes. I looked at them to see that they were all staring 
at my male organ.

No one said anything as I slowly turned around so that 
they could examine me completely. After one complete 
rotation, I said "Well?"

Amanda declared "I could have used you and your 
cock about a year ago, when I was trying to get rid of a 
very persistent boyfriend that wouldn't take no for an 
answer. Seeing that cock on someone that he would 
have assumed was me, would have stopped him 
forever from trying to get into my panties. I've got to 
admit that except for the cock, it's my body and face 
that you have."

Linda voice trembled as she said "I can't take any more 
of this. I was just getting to the point where I could 
talk to her as an equal and now this. I can't handle it." 

She jumped up and ran upstairs, slamming her 
bedroom door hard. Amanda commanded "Cathy, go 
talk to her. Try to calm her down. If you need any help 
getting her to go to bed, come get me. Please get 
dressed, Renee."

I slipped back into my clothes as Amanda watched me 
finish dressing. When I was almost dressed, she 
walked into the kitchen, returning with two very cold 
beers. She gave me one and popped the other one open 
as she continued "Linda has never been able to 
understand alternative lifestyles or tolerate anyone 
that wasn't a one hundred percent heterosexual. When 
she's sober, she's very narrow-minded about sex but 
she usually doesn't express her opinions the way that 
she did tonight. She's slightly drunk tonight so forget 
her actions. When she's had time to think about the 
whole situation tomorrow, she'll be in a better mood."

"Thanks." I said sipping the beer that I needed so 
badly at that moment.

"I like that dress. It looks good on you. Tell me what 
you like to wear in clothes. Do you like to dress up in 
sexy, revealing things? Do you like the feel of 
sensuous, glossy, smooth, sheer fabrics next to your 
skin?" she asked, trying to change the subject to calm 
everything down.

"I'm just learning my taste in clothes. Most of the 
clothes that I've worn, were borrowed from your closet. 
I do like the feel of silk and satin next to my skin."

"So do I. My breasts are extremely sensitive. Have you 
noticed any increased sensitivity in your new breasts?"

"Yes. I quickly discovered that all bras are extremely 
uncomfortable to wear, but at the same time, they can 
be very delightful to wear. The silk bras keep my 
nipples aroused all the time, so I had to switch back to 
the cotton ones."

"I noticed that my areolae appear to be slightly bigger, 
darker and more puffy than your areolae. And another 
difference is that my hairline is fuller and thicker. As 
for the pubic hair, I've shaved myself for so many years 
that I don't remember what it looked like. That's the 
only differences that I noticed, except for the very 
obvious cock. Is it a functional cock?" she asked as 
she propped her feet up in a chair, lighting another 
cigarette.

"Yes. I do get erections and have orgasms. Its about 
two thirds of its original size. I don't know if the 
smaller size is good or not. Because its smaller, it's 
easier to tuck between my legs, but when you have a 
cock, bigger is supposed to be better. One very 
pleasant change is that my thinning hair is growing 
back. I've got some tuffs of fuzz where my old hairline 
was thin or already gone. It'll probably be as thick as 
your hair when it finishes growing. How long have you 
been smoking?"

"I started in high school but I kept it hid from you and 
mom; although Linda used to tease me that she was 
going to tell on me. I used to sneak out of Home Ed 
class and bum a smoke in the alley. I don't smoke 
unless I'm thinking about something or drinking. I 
didn't do it much while I lived here, but since I 
obtained my own apartment in the dorm, it makes it 
easier for me to smoke. My boyfriend smokes and one 
of the best pleasures of sex, is to share a cigarette with 
him after sex. It feels so good to lie in bed feeling the 
relaxation from the sex and smoke. Does it bother you 
that I smoke?"

"I'd prefer that you didn't smoke because of the 
potential future health problems. But you never took 
Home Ed because it conflicted with some math or 
science course that you had to take to graduate."

"Just checking on your memory. You're correct about 
both topics. Well, its been a long day for me. Linda will 
be sleeping off her over indulgence in a couple of 
minutes and Cathy will be slipping out the back door 
to go meet her boyfriend. I don't think that she'll tell 
him about your cock. At least not tonight. Maybe later 
so you need to resolve that with her. She's getting to 
be that age where she wants to resist authority. I used 
to be able to easily control her without any problems."

We walked upstairs together after locking the house 
doors. When we got to her bedroom door, she paused 
as she requested "Please understand how difficult it's 
for us to accept you now. We are trying to be as liberal 
minded as we can be."

"I do understand. You can imagine what a difficult 
time I had, with it occurring to me. Do you believe 
me?"

Her voice was very soft as she replied "If I didn't believe 
you or thought that your story was impossible, you 
would be in jail tonight. Good night and I hope that 
you understand if I don't want you to kiss me good 
night tonight, Dad. I have a lot to think about tonight 
and want to be as objective as possible."

Then she shut her bedroom door, leaving me standing 
in the hallway.

Chapter 13 - The shower

I had a slight hangover. Too much beer last night I 
thought, as I lay in bed enjoying the last minute of 
sleep, trying to drift back to dreamland.

Then my door opened as Amanda walked in without 
knocking "Time to get up sleepyhead. We've got a lot to 
do today."

I rolled over as I replied "Why?"

She pulled the shades, letting the room fill with 
sunlight. I opened my eyes to see her standing on tip-
toe as she stretched to reach the drawstrings. She was 
wearing only a rose thong bikini panty and a matching 
demi-cup bra. Her hair was all disheveled from where 
she hadn't brushed it yet.

I threw the sheet off of me and stretched. As I 
stretched, she sighed "I've got some similar cotton 
nightdresses. I like to sleep in them."

As I sat up, I responded "This is one of yours. What are 
we going to do today?"

"Cathy has left already. She and Jeff had planned for 
an early morning horseback ride, so she won't be back 
until after lunch. Linda won't get out of bed on 
Saturday morning until its lunchtime, so its time for 
you and I to get to know each other a little better. Who 
taught you how to do your make-up?"

"The girl at the counter where I bought the make-up."

"Well, if you're going to look like me, you might as well 
learn how to look your best. Go start your shower and 
you need to use a different shampoo on your hair. It 
looks a little oily." she said as she opened my closet to 
look at the clothes hanging up.

"Yes, mother." I replied, as I stood and stretched trying 
to shake off the sleep. She walked out of my bedroom, 
leaving me to follow her big sister type instructions.

I walked into the bathroom, shut the door and peed. 
Then I pulled the nightdress over my head and put it 
into the clothes hamper. I adjusted the shower and 
eased into the shower, letting its warm water refresh 
my still asleep body.

As I was standing under the water, letting it flow 
around me, the shower door opened. A naked Amanda 
stepped into the shower stall as she declared "If we are 
going to be peers, then we are going to treat each other 
as peers. Remember from now on, that you're just one 
of the girls and don't let that little head between your 
legs do your thinking when you're with us. Ok?"

I nodded my head and exclaimed "Right, coz."

I stepped aside as she eased under the shower head, 
letting the water flow over her back. Her long blond 
hair became wet and matted on her neck. I stared at 
her breasts, which were the same size and shape as 
mine. But her areolae were puffy and darker while 
mine were flat. Her pussy hair was shaved close, and I 
could see the little mound of her clit at the top of her 
cunt lips.

She turned around so that the water coated her all 
over. Then with her back to the showerhead, she said 
"I discovered in the sixth grade that I liked to share my 
showers with good friends. While I don't have any 
lesbian desires, there is something so nice and 
personal about showering with another woman. Do 
you remember Nancy Cannon?"

"Sure, she was your best friend until she moved away 
during your high school years."

"She introduced me to the joys of sharing showers. 
Twice during the times that we stayed overnight in 
each other's bedroom, she crossed the line and tried to 
put the make on me. I woke up one night with her 
licking my hairy little mound and the other time. . . 
Well, just let me say that her mother's vibrating dildo 
can invoke some intense desires. But I was able to 
stop her without losing her friendship. I can still 
remember seeing her developing those cute little puffy 
breast buds and her first dark pubic hair. Those were 
the good old days. Tommy had just discovered that 
there was a difference between girls and boys. Nancy 
and I used to whisper under the covers about what we 
would do to Tommy if he were there. Tommy missed 
some of the best fuckings of his life because he was 
too busy playing basketball and not taking advantage 
of our curosity."

She stepped aside, so that I could ease under the 
flowing water. I turned my head up toward the water, 
letting it crash on my forehead as its warmth covered 
my skin.

"Nancy also taught me how to masturbate myself, even 
although I had already discovered the general theories 
using the late-night-alone-in-bed discovery method. 
Thanks to her wild imagination, we were able to 
become experts by the time we finished the seventh 
grade. She had one of those Water Massage 
showerheads, the kind that you hold in your hand. 
Well that little device got a workout between Nancy 
and myself. We would soap ourselves all over, then use 
it to rinse making sure that we concentrated on the 
clit. It didn't take too much of that gentle water 
pressure before I would cum while Nancy watched. 
Then I would watch her, waiting my turn to cum again. 
Then she taught me how to really masturbate myself 
with my fingers, to find all of the spots in the correct 
order for the maximum effect. We tried to masturbate 
each other once and it scared me so she never 
suggested it again; which was my worst mistake ever. 
But I could masturbate in front of her or watch her 
masturbate without any problems."

"Sounds like she was a closer friend that I ever 
thought she was."

"We thought that you and mom were suspicious of 
how often we stayed at each other's house. And there 
was one night, when we thought that her mom had 
caught us taking a shower together. It was so easy to 
let ourselves get caught up in our budding teenage 
sexually back then. When we first started, my mound 
was just getting hairy, so I would close my eyes, lean 
my head back, and let the jet of water gush against my 
almost furry mound. I quickly learned to part my labia 
to expose myself to the pulsating water stream. That 
gentle pounding action quickly made me stiffen with 
indescribable excitement. I enjoyed watching Nancy as 
she would cup her breasts, massaging the slippery 
soapy water over her hard small nipples. I could see 
when she was cumming because she would tighten her 
buns and jam the spray full against her pussy as she 
started moaning."

"Why are you telling me this?" I asked, feeling very 
turned on from her description and her naked 
nearness to me. 

"I did a lot of thinking about you last night because I 
couldn't drift off to sleep. Not only thinking about you, 
but about the rest of the family. I decided last night 
that my family would never be the same again. Even if 
we accept you as our father, our family has changed. 
It's better if we accept you as our female cousin, to 
keep our sanity and to keep our pictures out of the 
tabloids. I'm tell you this because, if you're going to 
live the rest of your life as my identical cousin, then we 
are going to be very close. We are going to know each 
other inside out. The very personal things that I'm 
telling you, are things that I haven't told either of my 
sisters because neither one of them would understand. 
Linda is too straight-laced about sex and Cathy is too 
young. But you, my dear Renee, are me. If its true that 
you have some of my personality mixed in with your 
personality, you need to know whom you've become 
and why you are that person now. Do you want to 
learn more about me or are you afraid of what you 
might find out?"

I looked at her naked, wet body, glistening from the 
water, her long wet blond hair pasted to her head, 
flowing down her neck before I said "I want to know all 
about you, but I'm finding it extremely difficult to keep 
from getting sexually aroused by sharing this 
experience."

She smiled an impish smile as she replied "I know and 
that's part of the fun. The teasing, the excitement, the 
thrill of knowing the effect that you can have on 
someone else, and knowing that it can never go 
beyond that. I was so close to Nancy that I could go to 
school, knowing what color of underwear she had 
probably picked out for that morning. We went 
through the first ravages of puberty together. We 
watched ourselves and each other as our bodies were 
transformed from slim, almost boyish forms, to a more 
feminine body. I watched Nancy as her chest grew 
from flat and small nipples to small mounds with 
larger brown nipples. We confided in each other about 
our first period. I watched my own vulva as it grew 
downy fuzz along the slit, and up toward my stomach. 
If you think that being in a shower with a clone of 
myself with a cock, isn't sexually exciting, then you 
have a lot about life to learn. I masturbated myself last 
night, thinking about your wonderful difference from 
my body. I tried to be quiet, but my bed was squeaking 
quite loudly from where I was squirming a little. And 
when I got really turned on, I started moaning loudly. I 
had to stuff a corner of the pillow into my mouth to 
keep myself from waking everyone up as I turned 
myself loose."

My body was feeling flushed and I didn't think it was 
from the warm water. I stepped out from under the 
shower to allow her to ease under the showerhead. 
She placed her feet against the far wall, spreading her 
legs and her hands against the shower wall as she 
leaned under the shower. I could only stare as I looked 
at her normally high, firm breasts hanging down from 
her chest. They still showed the firmness and 
roundness of youth, and the nipples refused to point 
fully to the floor, even with gravity pulling at them. She 
did three slow pushups, arching her body as the water 
cascaded down her back, over her buttocks, down her 
legs. Then she did a hard pushup into a standing up 
straight position.

She picked up a bar of soap and started rubbing the 
soap against her nipples as she worked up a little 
lather. Then she quietly asked "Do you still like 
women? Could a woman turn you on?"

"I haven't had the opportunity to explore that yet. I 
think so but Danny hasn't given me any time to look 
around."

"I love sex but my school schedule and homework 
interferes with my love life. If I'm studying with a 
boyfriend and stop for a quickie, I'm not really satisfied 
if it doesn't last at least one to two hours. I still feel a 
little frustrated. So I only permit myself to make love 
once a week, when we can set aside time to do it 
properly. The rest of the time, I can take a private 
shower or masturbate myself in about half an hour, so 
I use that when I start feeling frustrated. Tell me about 
Danny. Do you enjoy oral sex with him? Does he go 
down on you?"

"Its hard to describe my feelings. I was going to remain 
a virgin until a more appropriate time, but as soon as I 
started feeling lips on my lips and hands stroking my 
body, I turned to mush. Then when the first cock was 
pushed toward my mouth, oral sex didn't seem as 
revolting as it did a few minutes earlier. Its hard to 
describe my emotions and even harder to describe how 
I can't control myself in certain situations. Yes, I enjoy 
having his cock in my mouth and have become used to 
tasting his cum. He does go down on me frequently, 
but usually he takes me from behind or I ride him. 
Other things that I enjoy doing with Danny are kissing 
and cuddling, which have nothing to do with sex. As to 
how I react when involved in sex, I've discovered that 
I'm passive now, following the lead of my lover, doing 
whatever he desires. So far, every aspect of sex with 
my new body turns me on and I enjoy having sex with 
him."

"Its interesting that you're passive. I'm definitely not 
passive. When I have sex, I do it for my benefit, not for 
his benefit. I don't mind him getting his rocks off early, 
but I make sure that he doesn't quit until I'm 
completely satisfied. I broke up with one very hung 
guy because he fell asleep immediately upon shooting 
his wad the first and only time every night. I quickly 
discovered that a big cock is nice, but someone that 
can shoot two loads into me, keeping it hard between 
loads, is my favorite type of lover. We'll have to talk 
some more about that later. I remember in the tenth 
grade when I used to date Tommy, how he kept giving 
me bananas and asking me to practice my sucking 
technique. He wanted me to blow him but I was afraid 
of letting it come near my mouth. One night I did let 
him force my head into his naked lap. I didn't enjoy 
the oral sex experiences with him in the back seat of 
his father's car, but I've frequently initiated oral sex 
with other men in similar circumstances where I 
enjoyed it immensely. I guess, its a matter of who 
you're with. What do you think about now when you 
look at other women, Renee?"

"I look at other women but it's mainly to look at their 
clothes and appearance. I've seen some women that I 
thought were sexy, but I've not had the opportunity or 
courage to take it further. For the most part and for 
some unknown reason, I find myself comparing them 
with me to see who has the best appearance and 
figure."

She smiled that impish smile again as she requested 
"If you ever come across a woman with a better figure 
than you, I want to meet her. I've seen some women 
that were very sexy. There is one girl in my dorm that I 
would allow myself to be turned into a lesbian, if she 
just made a small signal. But most women bore me. 
Take this soap and wash me."

I took the soap and gingerly soaped Amanda's neck 
while wondering what she expected me to do with her 
breasts, much less with her pussy. I deferred that 
problem by putting the soap down and picking up the 
shampoo. She let me wash and rinse her hair 
thoroughly, accidentally brushing my naked body 
against her naked body several times in the somewhat 
crowded shower stall. 

I picked up the scented soap, lathered up a washcloth 
and started washing her back, stopping just at her 
ass. She turned around when I instructed her and let 
me lather her arms, her neck, and her face.

Then she grabbed my soapy hands and placed one of 
my hands on each of her breasts as she softly moaned 
in her slow southern drawl "Wash my body as if it were 
your body. Remember that you're just as familiar with 
my womanly curves. Tease me as you clean me and 
make me enjoy taking a shower with you, but don't try 
to seduce me. No matter what I do to you, you must 
maintain control of yourself."

I squeezed her breasts as she tilted her head back 
under the flowing water, letting the water flow down 
her face. I watched as her breasts swayed with a 
gentle, jelly motion as I washed her beautiful boobs. 
She didn't stop me when I held both of them in my 
soapy hands, feeling the weight of them as I soaped 
them. Then I used my fingertips to soap her nipples, 
feeling the hardness of her nipples as I rubbed them 
with my soap covered fingers.

Then she turned around, allowing the shower to rinse 
her as before. She braced herself against the opposing 
shower walls again as she presented her ass to me. I 
soaped up the washcloth and started washing her nice 
firm ass. She kept one hand on the wall to balance 
herself and used the other hand to guide my soapy 
washcloth between her spread legs where she pressed 
it against her vagina. With her head bent forward, she 
whispered "Women have to make sure that their 
pussy's are clean. I'll tell you when to stop washing 
me."

In less than ten seconds of touching her, I had a solid 
erection. I wanted to stick something other than a 
washcloth between her legs. I remembered her 
admonition to tease her but don't try to seduce her. 
Through the soapy washcloth, I used my fingers to 
explore her pussy, feeling the shaved mound, and 
feeling the tender lips. I stroked her softly and gently 
using long slow strokes several times. Then I started 
moving the washcloth in a gentle circular motion. She 
jerked in an involuntary motion and slowly stood up so 
that I had to either remove my hand or have it trapped 
there. I removed it as she turned around so that she 
was facing the shower. She braced her feet against the 
shower wall as she leaned her back against the far 
wall. She looked at my obvious erection with a 
mischievous grin and then commanded "Aim the 
shower head at my body. I want you to rinse me good."

I pointed the shower head at her boobs, aiming it at 
one breast then the other, watching the water flow 
down her body. Then I slowly moved the main force of 
the water down her body until it was aimed directly at 
her pussy. Her hairless, shinning pussy. All the time, 
she was staring me straight in the eyes, looking deep 
into my eyes. Was she trying to see how far she could 
push me?

For over thirty seconds, the water pounded on her 
pussy as I moved the shower head so the main force 
pounded down over her beautiful mound. Then she 
pushed herself to a standing position. She adjusted 
the showerhead, took the washcloth from me, and 
quickly worked up a soapy lather on the washcloth. 
She started rubbing my breasts with the washcloth as 
she softly whispered "My pussy is very, very, very 
sensitive. I almost had an orgasm while you were 
washing me. Did you hear me slightly moan as I felt 
the rough cloth rubbing on my inner lips, causing me 
to become so engorged with lust that they protruded? I 
came very close to asking you to insert your finger into 
my pussy and play with me. Would you have done that 
if I had asked you?"

I groaned lightly "yes."

She smiled that impish smile and whispered in her 
soft southern, husky voice "I knew. I could tell that 
you wanted me. But you practiced self control, which 
is good. Think about this and anticipate it. Next time, I 
might let you douche me. What I like, is to have that 
warm, soft, slippery tube slide inside me and to feel my 
tender insides fill with warm, soapy water. Then we 
will remove the tube and you can wash my pussy. I'll 
try to hold the soapy water inside me while you try to 
tease me into releasing it, using only the bar of soap 
and washcloth. If you get me all clean, then I'll make 
sure that you are very clean when we get finished 
showering. So while you sleep tonight, think about the 
next time that I allow you to share my shower. Think 
about how you will anticipate it. Doesn't that sound 
like fun? Are your breasts sensitive like mine are?"

I nodded my head yes. She hung the washcloth on a 
hook and put her arms around me, pressing her 
squeaky clean tits against my soapy chest. Then she 
started rotating her shoulders so that she was rubbing 
her boobs against my boobs, as she stared into my 
eyes. 

I put my arms around her and pulled her tight. As I 
brought my arms up to pull her head to my head, she 
stopped and stepped back. Again she smiled as she 
whispered "Control. Remember your agreement to 
control yourself, no matter what I do or have you do. 
Or no matter what I say. You did good today. You 
deserve a small reward."

She pulled the washcloth off the hook, soaped it up 
again and wrapped the soapy washcloth around my 
erection. As she rubbed her breasts against my soapy 
breasts again, she was also slowly started stroking my 
hard cock within the washcloth as we stared deep into 
each other's eyes. In the dim misty light, her half-
closed blue eyes looked almost violet. I braced my back 
against the wall and thrust my hips out as she slowly 
stroked me. All this close physical contact with her 
had brought me close to exploding and now that she 
was stroking me also, I couldn't control myself. I felt 
myself getting ready to explode and I tensed myself, 
feeling the cum boil up deep inside me. As I exploded 
into the washcloth, she kept stroking me, milking me 
as wave after wave of pleasure flowed through my body 
until I was drained. 

Then she directed the showerhead at my body and 
directed "Rinse yourself good, my friend. There is 
nothing now that we can hide from each other. Our 
bond transcends all normal physical and mental 
barriers. We can't have any barriers or walls between 
us. I want to take care of you and help you. You have 
to relax and let me guide you. It may feel strange to 
know that that someone else has complete control and 
responsibility for you; but now you are free to just feel, 
and experience, without having to make decisions. You 
will feel more free than you ever have felt."

I slowly turned around, allowing the still warm water 
to rinse me. While I was rinsing, she turned off the 
water, opening the shower door. When I finished 
rinsing, I stepped out into a fog coated bathroom, 
knowing that she was still drying herself. She handed 
me a towel. I asked "Why?"

She knew the complete question that I was asking. She 
rubbed her towel against her skin as she replied "As 
you declared last night. For all practical purposes, my 
father is gone. In his place, is a new person. A person 
with a very unique body. A clone of my body. Last 
night when I couldn't go to sleep, I masturbated myself 
so I'd fall asleep. I started off pretending it was my 
boyfriend. Then my dream lover turned into you. I 
became very turned on seeing my body, but with a 
cock. A small cock, but still a cock. While I've never 
had penis envy, it was quite a thrill to imagine that the 
cock was on my body, instead of your body. In my 
fantasy, I became you and you were me. When I woke 
up this morning, all I could do, was think about it. I 
decided to face it and see if the real thing was as 
interesting as my imaginary lover. When I stroked you, 
I pretended it was me being stroked. That's why I 
wanted you to do nothing. I wanted to watch you be 
manipulated as I pretended to be last night. I do have 
to admit, that I enjoyed it very much and will 
remember the look in your eyes for a long time. And I 
discovered three things about you. One is that you live 
up to honoring your word. Two is that you still enjoy 
being with women. And three is that you like for me to 
dominate you. I'm going to have to think about that for 
some time, before I allow myself to take another 
shower with you. I also learned something about 
myself. I didn't plan on doing what we did in there. It 
just happened. I don't want you to be my lover. I have 
plenty of those already and more wanting the 
opportunity to show what they can do. I want you to 
be my friend. I miss Nancy and the good times that we 
used to share. I think that I want you to be her 
replacement. I want you to be my special friend and 
confidant."

Chapter 14 - The Shopping

For the first time, I really felt comfortable being Renee 
and being around my daughters. I felt different, more 
relaxed, hearing Amanda talk to me as if I was her 
long lost best friend. All of a sudden, we were two 
teenage girls, giggling and talking as we primped each 
other to go shopping at the mall. In the twenty 
minutes since we finished our shower, the wall 
between us had dropped, as we became best friends. 
We'd started a relationship that was acceptable to both 
of us. It wasn't what I'd thought would occur, but I 
didn't have any complaints at this time.

Amanda sat in front of the make-up mirror while I 
stood behind her, brushing her long, beautiful blonde 
hair. We had put on a couple of her bathrobes, quickly 
dried and brushed my shorter hairstyle, then she 
showed me how to dry her hair. I didn't know what to 
do with her longer hair, so she was talking me through 
all the motions. I knew that I was enjoying the silky 
feel of her hair as I brushed it, wishing that my hair 
was longer so that I could have more options on how to 
style it. 

As I watched her reflection in the mirror I could tell 
that she was enjoying my brushing. I knew that she 
liked to be pampered and having someone to brush 
her hair was a treat. I held a hand mirror up and 
asked her if her hair was done to her satisfaction. She 
looked into the mirror, smiled and put the mirror 
down. 

"Sit down and let me show you how I apply my make-
up." she commanded.

I sat down in the chair, facing the mirror. I watched as 
she picked up an eyebrow pencil. Tilting up my chin, 
she started filling and shaping my brows with short, 
feathery strokes. Occasionally she would stop and use 
a tweezer to remove a few errant hairs. I winced at the 
slight pain as she removed each unnecessary hair. 
Finally, satisfied with her shaping, she picked up the 
eyeshadow which she smoothed onto my lids. She 
spent considerable time on my lashes, thickening 
them and exaggerating the length with mascara. 
Through it all I sat rigidly, opening and closing my 
eyes as commanded. When I blinked, I could feel my 
long lashes fluttered.

Holding my chin in one hand, she outlined my lips 
then proceeded to color my lips with a coating of 
lipstick. Holding out a tissue she motioned for me to 
blot. Then she applied a hint of blush brushed onto my 
cheeks.

All the time that she was putting on my make-up, she 
was talking to me, telling me what she was doing and 
why she was using that mixture of cosmetics. When 
she was finished, I did have to admit that my make-up 
skill needed improvement. I didn't realized how 
attractive I could be with properly applied make-up on. 
I liked what she had done with my eyes, how my eyes 
appeared to be the focus of my face. There was a 
sparkle in my eyes that I hadn't seen in my reflection 
before.

Learning how to apply eyeshadow, mascara and blush, 
how to tweeze my eyebrows and how to use eyebrow 
pencil by myself had been difficult, but I had been able 
to pick up most of the techniques already. My weak 
area was how to use eyeliner without messing my eyes 
up. With Amanda's guidance, I saw how it should be 
applied.

She placed a large pair of silver hoop earrings then 
sprayed a little cologne on my wrists, and dabbed it 
behind my ears.

"We've got to do something about your clothes." 
Amanda remarked as she rummaged through my 
closet. "The clothes that you bought for yourself make 
you look like an old maid. Remember that you're now 
nineteen years old and not almost fifty years old. You 
have to dress and look the way that is expected for 
someone of our age, or you will look out of place. Let's 
go do some shopping today."

"What should I wear today?"

"Something to show off your tits. Something that will 
tease the old retired farts that sit on the mall benches 
watching for tittie-boppers. Women our age, go braless 
a lot because we can get away with it. Put on a pair of 
tight shorts, knot a blouse under your boobs, and slip 
on some tennis shoes because we will be doing a lot of 
walking. I have some great plans for today. And your 
old credit card."

******

The first shopping place on her agenda, was a jewelry 
store at the mall. In less than ten minutes, my ears 
were pierced, and my first pair of ear rings were 
purchased. While there, we also purchased a couple of 
necklaces, some bracelets, a watch, some rings and 
several more pair of ear rings.

An hour later, we had purchased several wigs and hair 
extenders in my color shade. Amanda recommended 
that I commence changing my hairstyle occasionally 
while my own hair is growing longer.

Just before lunch, we shopped for lingerie at Victoria's 
Secrets. Amanda insisted that I buy several pairs of 
black silk hose, matching tap pants, color coordinated 
garter belts, and several see-through bras in several 
styles. Then to balance my wardrobe, we selected some 
white lacy bustiers, with half cup bras; and the 
matching silk stockings and garter belts. It was only 
half-cup, so it supported and presented the breasts, 
rather than covering them, leaving the entire top half 
of the breasts and the nipples completely exposed. She 
suggested that those items should be reserved for 
when Danny and I want to have a special night 
together. She said that I should build a drawer full of 
nylons, satin panties, slick, shiny, clingy bras, and 
other such intimate apparel and lingerie for those 
nights when a little role-playing is needed.

It was a no smoking mall so she carried our purchases 
to the car while she smoked a cigarette. During that 
very brief time that I was left alone, I purchased four 
Water Massage showerheads for the bathrooms.

We wandered from shop to shop, until she saw a little 
black strapless cocktail dress that she thought was 
very sexy. She informed me that wearing a dress like 
this would make me more aware of my femininity, 
while properly displaying my breasts, legs and giving a 
hint of my excellent figure.

We bought a couple skirts and blouses and were 
headed home, when Amanda saw Tommy's car pulling 
into a parking lot. She turned her car around and 
pulled in beside him. He'd got out of the car and was 
holding the passenger door open for a pregnant girl to 
get out.

When Amanda pulled up, Tommy looked at Amanda 
and then at me, recognizing for the first time that 
there were really two of us. Amanda happily exclaimed 
"Hi, Tommy. Hello Marisa. Are you expecting a boy or 
girl?"

Marisa looked at both of us, not saying a word as she 
turned and walked toward the building. Tommy shyly 
apologized "Listen Renee, I'm sorry about the scene 
that I created. I thought that you were trying to bull 
shit me about being someone else. Hi, Amanda."

Amanda smiled her impish smile as she exclaimed 
"Understand that you made quite a fool of yourself. 
You haven't changed any. What are you going to do 
about Marisa?"

Tommy turned to see if Marisa was listening before he 
replied "Her uncle talked to my father. It looks like 
we'll be getting married soon."

She raised her eyebrows as she responded "Too bad. 
Renee and I were looking for someone to spend the 
weekend up in the mountains at a friend's cabin. Too 
bad that poor little you has to stay home and take care 
of the little woman. See you around, big boy." she 
declared as she flicked her cigarette butt at his feet.

She put the car in gear and pulled out, leaving Tommy 
standing in the middle of the lane, looking at the car. 

"Why did you do that?"

"Tommy's an asshole. Back when I was very naive, I 
was crazy about him. I didn't recognize him for the 
asshole that he really is. I did anything that he asked 
me to do. Then he screwed me royally, going out with 
other women behind my back while I thought that we 
were going steady. Because of him, I vowed to never let 
a man hurt me the way that he hurt me. Now, when I 
get involved with someone, it's because I want him. 
And he'll do exactly what I want him to do, or his ass 
is grass."

******

We went back home to find one of Amanda's friends 
waiting for her. Amanda introduced me to Becky who 
was amazed at my resemblance to Amanda. After a 
couple of minutes of idle chit-chat, I excused myself to 
go sit with Linda who was sitting under the picnic 
table, drinking a beer.

As I sat down, she said "I'm sorry about last night. I 
made a real fool of myself. I can't handle my liquor and 
really shouldn't be drinking. I just like the buzz that I 
get when I drink."

I opened the little portable cooler on the table and 
popped a beer for myself before I responded "No 
problem. It was a very stressful situation and everyone 
reacts differently to stress."

We were quite for a couple of minutes, just enjoying 
the relaxing breeze. I knew that Linda wanted to say 
something but she didn't know how to start the 
discussion. Finally she said "What do you think mom 
would have done if she was still alive?"

"Your mom was a lady. I would like to think that she 
would have accepted my accidental transformation 
and adapted to the new me."

"Yeah, that sounds like her. What do you think that 
she would have done about Amanda?"

"What about Amanda?"

There was a long pause and Linda said "Amanda has 
completely changed over the last year. She has become 
cruel in some ways. She definitely became more bossy 
and demanding, than she ever was as a kid. I don't 
think you got any of her new personality in that 
switch. You're too gentle and soft now."

"Really? How can you tell?"

"By the little things that you do. Watching you and 
Amanda is like looking at Salt and Pepper. You may 
look alike, but you don't act like her, thank god."

"How does she act?"

There was a long pause before she replied "I suppose 
that every secret from now on is minor compared to 
your secret. But the week before mom died, Amanda 
had a miscarriage. Getting pregnant was a shock, but 
she quickly adapted to the concept of having a baby. 
She wanted to have the baby and losing it made her 
turn hard. I think that she built a shell around herself, 
and tried to build a new Amanda. A stronger Amanda 
that could handle any adversity. You didn't see a lot of 
the changes in her, because you wouldn't come out of 
the lab."

"Who was the father?"

"I suspected it to be Nick. It was the only time that she 
had sex with anyone without any protection, when he 
fucked her while she was drunk."

We talked a lot about Amanda and other things that 
she had done, that Amanda thought backed up her 
opinion of Amanda's change. One more beer later, a 
more relaxed Linda asked "Would you get mad at me if 
I suggested that you have a mastectomy and let the 
doctor turn you back into a man."

The question surprised me. One moment, we had been 
talking about Aunt Sally and the next moment came 
this bombshell question. She stared at me, waiting for 
my response. "I can't get mad at you for expressing 
your opinions. I've discussed that concept with both of 
my doctors and neither of them think that I could live 
as a man again. I've too much of a feminine 
appearance now to pass convincingly and my 
personality has become too feminine, to let me return 
to a masculine lifestyle. Is that what you want?"

"I've struggled with the religious question of whether 
it's a sin to change one's sex. That's not answered 
directly by the Bible. This morning, I did a little 
research, discovering that cross-dressing has existed 
for thousands of years and is even mentioned in the 
Bible in Deuteronomy and Leviticus. I discovered 
through other references that there have been 
transgenderists longer than there has been history to 
record them. The early Sumerian cuneiform texts, as 
well as ancient Egypt, Africa, South America, the 
Orient and other cultures discuss the topic. The more I 
read, the more confused I became. I interpret the Bible 
as the literal truth, and don't believe that a person can 
change his or her sex in the eyes of God. While you 
think that you are now a female, I have to think that 
you are a feminine looking cross-dresser with female 
breasts."

"So you want me to dress as a man? Knowing that it 
makes me uncomfortable to think of myself as 
anything but a female now."

"No. That's not what I want. I want you to be happy. I 
want you to be the Daddy that I remembered; not a 
new sister. I know that this transformation wasn't 
something that you deliberately did to yourself and 
that you are only trying to adapt to something that you 
probably can't change now. All morning, I have done 
nothing but wrestle with my religion and my love for 
you. I've searched within myself for the answers and 
know that I've got to reconcile my basic religious 
convictions before I can fully accept the person that 
you are now. Do you understand why I cannot accept 
you as a woman?"

I paused for several seconds, while she stared at me, 
waiting for a response. Then I said "The feelings that 
you have are normal. Transgendered people aren't 
accepted in most parts of society. Laws vary from 
country to country as well as from state to state, as to 
the rights of transgendered and transsexual people. 
The strict Muslim countries permit transgendered 
people to be jailed, fined, or beaten to death, while 
other middle eastern countries are very accepting of 
transgendered people. There are some religions in the 
Asia centered around transgenderism or involve 
transgenderism. While you can look for answers in 
your bible or church, the real answer will have to be 
found inside you. I know that this has been a difficult 
revelation for you, but you are the only person that 
can make your decision in this matter. I have enough 
faith in you to know that you will make the correct 
decision after you have had time to think."

She smiled as she replied "Thank you, Daddy. I booked 
a flight that's leaving in a couple of hours. I need to get 
away from here and go back to my dorm room, so that 
I can think about this."

*******

After Linda left, I went back to my bedroom to put 
away my new clothes. I felt better, knowing that she 
had verbalized her problems and would be more 
understanding of my mixed up emotions.

Amanda came into the bedroom, carrying a bikini 
bathing suit. She handed it to me saying "When I 
carried the clothes out to the car at the mall earlier, I 
didn't spend all that time smoking. I stopped at the 
Costume Shop and bought a gaff. Strip down and let's 
see if we can hide your dick, so that you can wear this 
thong bikini bottom. I want to try an experiment 
tonight."

"That type of bottom reveals too much."

"That's why I bought the gaff. Strip down."

My crotch area was completely denuded of hair. I stood 
while she tucked my penis away using the gaff, which 
was then covered up by the thong bikini bottom. When 
she was finished, there was no trace of masculinity 
between my legs. The gaff and positioning had 
camouflaged my cock so that the thong bikini looked 
normal. It wasn't the most comfortable feeling in the 
world to be secured that way, but it was bearable.

I put on the bikini top and observed myself in the 
mirror as I turned, walked, and sat down. The gaff was 
hiding my cock, so that anyone looking at me would 
think that I had a female genitalia.

Amanda guided me to the makeup table. While I 
watched in the mirror, she brushed my hair back and 
put a wig on me "It's an old wig that I wear every once 
in awhile when I don't feel like spending the time to get 
my real hair ready. Its my exact hair shade and style. 
When I'm finished putting this on you, everyone will 
think that you are me."

In only moments, she had the longer hair positioned, 
brushed and hair-sprayed so that it looked natural, 
while transforming me into her exact clone. When she 
was finished, she undressed and put on the bathing 
suit that I had worn out to the lake with Danny. After 
she put on the suit, she ran downstairs, returning 
with a hot dog. I watched as she stuffed the hot dog 
into her crotch so it looked as if she was hiding a 
penis.

Then she sat down at the make-up table, removed 
most of her make-up and applied new make-up using 
the limited make-up techniques that I had been using 
on myself so far. Then she brushed her hair back and 
tucked it up before she put on a red short-haired wig. 
When she was finished, she proclaimed "For the rest of 
the day, we'll pretend to be each other. I'm Renee 
trying a different hairstyle and you're Amanda."

"Why? I'm trying to establish my own identity and now 
you want me to pretend to be you."

"You've had a lot of time to discover what its like to be 
me. I just want the same opportunity to see what its 
like to be you. Don't worry about Danny. I promise 
that I won't have sex with him."

"That's not what worries me. I was just beginning to 
really feel comfortable with my new life, knowing that 
it was my life and not your life. Why do you want to do 
this?"

"Because Nancy would have done it if I asked her. She 
was my best friend and I want you to be my new best 
friend. Just do it for me." she cooed.

"No." I said, as I pulled the wig off. I would show her 
who was in charge. Even though I am no longer the 
male father figure for this family, she can't boss me 
around.

******

The sun felt good. I was lying on a blanket, feeling the 
cool refreshing breeze blowing off the lake. As I sat up, 
I adjusted my wig slightly so that it was correctly 
positioned on my head. I looked down at the little strip 
of sand where Amanda and Danny were playing with 
the Frisbee. Amanda had on her red short-haired wig 
and was pretending to be Renee, while I was 
pretending to be Amanda.

I still don't know how she talked me into it or why I 
participated. But somehow she had been persuasive 
enough so that we had swapped identities. I was 
pretending to be her, while she was acting like me.

When Danny arrived, she was all bubbly and rubbing 
against him, while I was having to watch her pretend 
to be me. I know that I almost stopped breathing when 
he walked into the house, heard her tell him "Amanda 
suggested that I could be sexier if I was a redhead. 
What do you think?". Then she sashayed across the 
floor to him, flouting her new look, before giving him a 
very seductive welcome kiss. As they kissed, she 
rubbed her breasts against him as he allowed his 
fingers to roam up and down her back before stopping 
on her ass.

He basically ignored me while he allowed her to flirt 
with him while we packed a quick picnic lunch. He 
talked to me, but his attention was focused on her.

During the drive out to the lake, I almost blew it when 
she was nibbling on his neck in the front seat and 
whispering how she wanted him as she traced a secret 
message on his leg with her fingernails. After two dirty 
looks from me, she sat up and started behaving 
herself.

As soon as we unloaded the car and walked down the 
path to the beach, she started pulling Danny away as 
she tossed the Frisbee. For several minutes, they had 
been laughing and playing a little `grab ass'. I was 
watching her as every toss kept getting them just a 
little further away. If that Frisbee went into the woods, 
I was prepared to go down there and kick her butt.

Then they came running back up the field toward me. 
As Amanda fell on the blanket beside me, she was 
laughing as she stared at Danny. He was smiling at 
her, ignoring me.

Amanda said "Danny, do you love me?"

"Of course."

She looked me squarely in the eyes before continuing 
"Would you do anything that I asked you to do?"

 "Such as??"

I stared at her, not knowing what she was getting 
ready to ask him, but I knew that I didn't want her to 
ask him to do anything. I didn't trust her because I 
knew that she was going to try to take him away from 
me, just to show me that she could. And she was going 
to do it, while also stealing my identity from me. The 
identity that I had worked so hard to build.

I started feeling the anger from deep inside as I 
realized that I can't let her take him or my identity 
away from me. I started to step forward, to step 
between them, but I felt as if I was being held back. I 
strained but I couldn't move. Something was holding 
me back.

Chapter 15 - The new me

"Daddy, wake up. It's me, Cathy."

Through a foggy haze and half opened eyes, I could 
faintly see someone leaning over me as they talked to 
me in a very excited tone.  I could hear them but 
couldn't understand them. So I tried to say something 
but could only say a few mumbled words that even I 
couldn't understand. I knew that someone was holding 
my hand and squeezing it tight as I heard Cathy's 
voice calling me Daddy through my fog.

I felt someone turn my head and shine a bright light 
into my eyes. I tried to jerk when the bright light 
exploded into my skull, but they were holding me tight 
as they aimed the light straight into my eyes.  I was 
too weak to object to their man-handling. I tried to sit 
up but I couldn't and I could hear other people talking 
somewhere in the haze around me. What has 
happened to me?

******

I fell into a deep sleep again but this time when I woke 
up, there was no haze, no fog covering my eyes, no 
heavy cloud keeping me asleep. As I opened my eyes, I 
stared into the face of my sweet Cathy, who was sitting 
beside my bed. As I opened my eyese, I could see that I 
was in a hospital bed. As I stired, she advised me "Its 
all right now. Everything is ok."

My mouth was dry and my tongue was swollen, 
causing me some difficulty to talk. I mumbled "What 
happened?"

Cathy held my hand and stated "The explosion hurt 
you more than anyone realized. You had a concussion 
that no one knew about and passed out while you 
were sleeping that night. You've been in a coma for 
almost three weeks now, Daddy."

My skin crawled with fear as her words sunk in. I 
started to raise my hand and discovered that my wrist 
was bound to the bed rails. As I lightly tugged on it, 
Cathy pulled the release tie as she sighed "We had to 
tie you to keep you under control. You played with 
yourself a lot and it was embarrassing to see you 
masturbating in your sleep."

As soon as my arm was free, I laid my hand on my 
chest, to confirm that I didn't have breasts. Or that I 
didn't have female breasts. I felt a male chest, that was 
slightly hairy.

I gasped "mirror."

Cathy looked around the room, picked up the shaving 
mirror and held it so that I could look at myself. 
Reflected in it was my old 47 year old slightly 
unshaven, male face.

It was true. It had only been a dream. I wasn't Renee 
and everything had occurred in my coma induced 
sleep.

I don't know why, but I felt a tear starting to drip down 
my cheek. I was staring at Cathy, not believing that it 
had only been a dream, when I heard a soft voice say 
"Daddy, I'm home to take care of you. I'm not going 
back to school."

I turned my head slightly to see that Amanda had 
slipped quietly into the room. She was smiling and 
tears were flowing down her face. She held my hand 
and gasped "I couldn't stand to lose you too, Daddy. I 
rushed home and have been here ever since. I couldn't 
go home because you kept calling my name in your 
sleep. So I stayed here by your side until they ran me 
away so that I could sleep. One of us has been by your 
side ever since the accident."

She grabbed my hand and squeezed it. I mumbled 
"Everything will be ok. I'm back."

Amanda bent over and kissed my forehead, engulfing 
me with that sweet smelling perfume that I liked to 
wear. As she squeezed my hand, she announced softly 
"Daddy, today is the best day of my life. You came 
back to us and I accepted a marriage proposal. Danny, 
come here and meet my Daddy."

I couldn't speak as Danny stepped forward where I 
could see him. I felt very faint as I stared at him.

******

Dear Diary,

   Its been six months since I woke up. A lot has 
happened in those six months. Amanda and Danny 
had a beautiful church wedding, with me giving 
Amanda to Danny. She was a beautiful bride, however 
I still think that the other wedding dress would have 
looked better on her. I don't like dresses with long 
trains and wouldn't have chosen the gown that she 
finally selected. But it was her wedding so she could 
wear which ever one that she wanted to wear.

  They live close by so I get to see them all the time. 
Amanda quit school, but she will go back after the 
baby is born. Yes, Amanda was pregnant within a 
couple of weeks of the wedding.

  Cathy broke up with her boyfriend and has a new 
one almost every two weeks. She graduated from high 
school and traveled around Europe with her then 
current boyfriend as a graduation present from me.

  Linda accepted a teaching position with a church 
school and is very happy with the monstary type life.

  As for myself, I'm doing great. It took me about a 
week to really convince myself that it had all been a 
dream. That Renee never existed. It was a rough week 
and I decided that I needed some professional help. So 
I talked to Doctor Johnson, who referred me to a 
therapist that specializes in gender problems. For the 
last five months, I have been visiting the therapist 
twice a week to iron out the other details in my life and 
to put my life back into correct order.

  You've got no ideal what it's like, to learn that 
something that you believed in so much, never existed. 
I really thought that I was Renee and had learned to be 
her. I had accepted her identity as my life and was 
prepared to live it to the fullest.  Then when I was 
thrown back to being Richard, it upset my sense of 
identity.

  So for the last five months, I have gone through a lot 
of counseling. The hard part was bringing Amanda to 
the therapy sessions and discussing my dream identity 
with her. Telling her what it was like to be her clone, 
what it was like to make love to her husband, and 
most of all, what it was like to be Renee. Or more 
importantly, what it was like to be a female. I didn't 
think that she would understand and was very 
reluctant to involve her, but my therapist insisted that 
it was necessary for me to clear my chest. Then I 
brought Cathy and Linda to a session and let the 
whole family know about my dream. They were just as 
supportive in real life as they were in my dream, when 
I told them about my sex change.

  That was almost two months ago and now things are 
finally beginning to work out. I don't feel confused 
anymore and have a clear sense of identity. So clear 
that I am prepared to embark on a journey that will 
bring me to my destination. In the morning, when I 
wake up, I'll shave my legs for the first time and put on 
a dress. Beginning tomorrow, I'll start living and 
dressing as a woman. Tomorrow will be the first day of 
my new life.

  It was a hard decision to make, but the only one that 
I could make. And my family supported me in making 
it. When I walk down to the breakfast table tomorrow 
morning, my three daughters will be there to greet me 
as we share breakfast for the first time. I will become 
Renee tomorrow, but it will be a slightly different 
Renee.  I will be a mature female with a thining 
hairline, with slightly broader shoulders than I would 
like, and with a deeper voice.

  After breakfast, they will take turns going with me to 
places where I know that I'll have to bear the scrunty 
of curious people. I know that some of them will see 
through my make-up and call me names, but I accept 
that misery, knowing that there will come a time when 
they accept me for who I really am. Amanda has 
arranged for me to have a private session with a 
beautician and to shape and color my long hair. I 
haven't cut it since the explosion, so it has grown quite 
long. 

  I know it's a long journey to my final destination, but 
each journey begins with one small step. I'll take each 
step one day at a time and enjoy its triumphs as I 
learn from its miseries. No journey is easy but with 
each step, we get closer to our destiny. I'll never be the 
young, beautiful Renee, who is a clone of my daughter. 
But I'll be the happy middle-aged Renee, who has 
three wonderful and very understanding daughters for 
friends. Even if one of them did steal my dream 
boyfriend.

  We finally decided that I was seeing Danny visit me in 
the hospital and as Amanda talked to me, I was 
probably hearing the word `boyfriend'. So we think that 
I included him my my dream because he was visiting 
the hospital with Amanda.

  And the real Amanda is not as the control freak that 
she was in my dream.  We theorize that she spent so 
much time talking to me while I was a coma and trying 
to get me to wake up, that I felt threatened by her.  So 
my dream Amanda had a real forceful, bitchy 
personality because the real Amanda was trying to 
force me to wake up.

  My journey began with the realization that my 
memories were only a dream, but a dream which I 
wanted to come true. A dream where I found peace for 
myself, and where I could express my true personality.

  So dear diary, I have started this small collection of 
my thoughts, my hopes, my agony, my frustrations, 
and my thoughts of love. As I write these final words 
wearing the clothes and identity of Richard, I look 
forward to tomorrow. When I can assume the clothes 
and identity of Renee.

  Until tomorrow.

The End

AUTHORS NOTE:

So how should a story end? I cheated on this one and 
turned it into a dream. I usually plan a story and 
sometimes just let the story go where it wants to go. 
After writing myself into a corner, where I didn't want 
to go back and re-write thirty pages to come up with a 
logical ending, I hit a wall.

So after several weeks of going no-where, I decided to 
take the easy way out. Hope that you still enjoyed it.


Waldo


    

filling-in-for-amanda (2)